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fulcrum-agent · 3 years

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012. Promises [FFXIVwrite2021]

She seems to be packing up some things into a small pack, many different articles of light clothing.

The Bozjan enters the bedroom by passing through the curtain threshold. Upon seeing her packing something into a small pack, he'd speak up and ask, "What.. are you doing?"

"The Outlaw's got a contract from Dalmasca," she explains as she looks over her shoulder. "We're going into Golmore to rescue a bunch of Rava the Empire's been using as...living incubation chambers."

He crosses his arms over his chest and cants his head curiously. "Living.. incubation chambers..?"

There's a slight nod as she finishes packing.

"Yeah...for clones of a hypertuned sharpshooter named Novinius," she clarifies for him. "The guy we killed in Velciff. They were apparently manufacturing more of him."

"Hmph... If he is.. someone that you've killed before," he considers aloud, "then making sure that.. he doesn't come back in a sense would be.. a priority."

He's given another slight nod in response.

"He broke an oath made to the Creed, a group that some of the crew trained with," she continues as she ties the satchel closed. "Everyone was relieved when he was killed, but now..."

Frowning, the Bozjan notes as he uncrosses his arms, "Now.. you will all need to just.. prevent him from returning."

"Yeah, and kill of the bastard who's doing all this," she adds as she turns to face him. "Who also was thought to be dead. Guy called the Butcher. Friend of my Father's. That should tell you enough."

This gives her lover pause before he quietly asks, "... You have a sense of.. responsibility to this, don't you? Because of this Butcher's connection to your father."

She nods a little.

"So does Lio. The...woman who came to ask for our help was..." her voice trails off as she shivers a little, "...she was more bits and pieces than a whole. I dunno how they got her back into the shape she's in now, short of a Padjali hiding somewhere in the crew."

"I see," he intones before asking, "Will your brother.. be joining you on this mission?"

"This is a whole crew effort, yeah," she explains to him as she nods. "We're...going so far as to take the Arcadia instead of the Outlaw," she confirms for him. "It's...possibly a suicide mission if any of us fuck up."

She sets the pack down on the ground. "If this Butcher's anything like Father...the place is more well-guarded than most castrums are."

He frowns a lot when she says that this is possibly a suicide mission. "Are you... serious?"

"I am. Novinius could shoot a man down from malms away, perfect headshots," she answers quietly with a nod. "His clones may or may not be capable of the same. Variants could be even more dangerous than the original - just look at Merrick."

The Bozjan takes a few steps closer to her, staring directly into her blue eyes with his almost-luminescent green eyes.

"I did not.. ask about a dead man's clones. I asked you... if you are serious about this mission," he gently corrects before asking more questions. "A suicide mission? And Liocyon is going as well..?"

She reflexively reaches down to grasp both of his hands, nodding a little.

"Yeah, I am. So's Lio," she answers, now that he's clarified the question. "It's dangerous, but as long as everyone plays their part...we'll make it back alive...I think."

In a tone that reveals his disappointment, he asks, "... And you were not.. thinking of asking me.. to join you, were you?"

"I...don't have a choice, Leth. Locke's not against you joining the crew, but this isn't just some slaver run," she quietly explains to him. "We got the request last night, not long after getting back from Coerthas. If there were more time, he might agree to it...but..."

"You have just returned from Coerthas.. after spending a lot of your still-growing aetherpool, and now.. you are being sent on a mission.. that is highly dangerous," he shakes his head, and not realizing that his hands had been grabbed yet. "This is.. ridiculous."

She fidgets a little at that.

"I've gained most of it back, and the rest was made up for with aetherwine," she assures him softly, gently squeezing his hands. "We don't always get the luxury of a full recovery."

Sighing, the man relents a little, "No... No, we are not. Not on a battlefield and not even... at home."

Letting go of one of his hands, she reaches up to touch his cheek as she speaks, "You went off to Zadnor alone and came back. I'm sure I'll be fine in Golmore with an entire crew beside me."

He narrows his gaze and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out besides air. She's got him there. The Hyur closes his eyes and lowers his head, slightly leaning into the touch of her hand.

"... Promise me that.. you will return." He murmurs.

"I-- at best, I can promise I'll do everything in my power to," she replies to the request, frowning, "but there's no way I can promise I will, not with how many unknown factors there are, on top of the known risks."

"... That is.. a fair point," he admits before falling silent for a long moment.

A very long moment.

"If you do come back to me..." he softly states, almost shyly, "then... then..."

Her head cants as she murmurs, "Then...what?"

The Bozjan raises his head and opens his eyes to look her directly in the eyes as he states, with conviction, "...I will promise...that we will...marry."

His declaration causes her to blink a lot. Then, her mouth falls open, and for a moment, the troubadour is quite speechless. The best she can do, at first, is nod faintly. Then, her mouth closes, and she leans her forehead against his, biting her lower lip to keep her emotions in check.

"...I'll fight like hell to come back to you, Leth. Promise."

He took one step forward before leaning in to press his forehead against hers. When they are met, Byleth closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath.

"That...is what I wanted to hear. And I promise you...as well, Quil," he states with a soft smile.

She enjoys the moment briefly, shifting to embrace him as she sighs softly.

"...that aside...why were you upset yesterday?" she asks quietly.

The Bozjan embraces her also but would hesitantly answer her question.

"...I was...upset yesterday because...you were claiming to be...a Bozjan Blade." He keeps her in his arm, but he pulls back enough to look at her. "The title of Blade is...not so easily or freely given, Quil."

"Blades are...given a badge of...honour to show that...they are indeed Blades. You...are not a Blade. You do not...have a badge. If the knight had...called you on your bluff and...you could not prove yourself, then we...might not have been able to enter the castle," he explains quietly. "Carrying Talekeeper...isn't enough to persuade others that are...not knowing of Bozjan traditions. No one but us...would understand the weight of both Talekeeper and... Crownsblade."

She blinks several times, frowning a little as she gazes at him.

"It was just a bluff, though I've always been willing to help continue Jeralt's legacy," she explains to him. "But...we really didn't have many options, and I could have glamoured something to look like the badge they carry."

"It's quite possible, with how far out Lucine was, that he doesn't have any idea what all a Blade would have," she adds as she reaches up to gently brush some of his hair out of his face. "I'm sorry if doing such upset you, but I couldn't think of another way they'd let a Garlean commanding a squad in."

"T'was...a bluff that did work in our favour in the end, but 'twas also dangerous if they did not...believe us and instead...attacked us," the Hyur sighs as the Garlean brushes some of his hair out of his face. "I know...that you wish to...honour and continue my father's legacy. I would not have...given you Talekeeper if...I thought otherwise."

"I did not...understand why I was...upset at first, but...I later realized that...I may have...developed...hm, developed...Ah, a sense of.. pride. As a... Bozjan, I suppose. The title that I now carry.. like the one that.. my father also carried..." he states, nodding here and there before adding, "I'm sorry, Quil."

"You...were made a Blade? Officially?" she asks as she blinks, confused. "When?"

He nods in confirmation before answering with, "Before the campaign in Zadnor...there were other Blades of Gunnhildr before we...had arrived to meet my father. In my father's passing...in the betrayal of a resistance member, the remaining Blades were tempered and transformed...into monsters. Or so...I have read in reports. The ranks of the Blades of Gunnhildr...were incredibly low to empty. New Blades...like myself, had to be...recruited during the...Zadnor campaign."

She just stares at him for a long moment.

"Do...they have any idea that I have Talekeeper?" she asks, rather plainly as she starts to get fidgety again. "Are they going to be okay with that?"

"They...do not know that you are in possession of Talekeeper. Talekeeper and Crownsblade were...entrusted to me after...Bozja was liberated, and...I do not know how they will react...to you having it. But...that is not for them to decide," he says with a shake of his head.

Again, she goes quiet and stares at the Bozjan for a long moment.

"...but it's a Blade's weapon...I'd think they'd have some say over it?" she asks, concerned. "I mean, if they get upset, I'm okay with giving it back. If they don't and still need help, I'm willing to do that too. I just don't want you to have this stripped from you over me."

"...Aquila, you...do make some fine points. I find it hard...to protest against what...you are saying, but...It is okay...that you keep using Talekeeper," he insists to her. "If we ever return to Bozja...and meet with the Blades, then we can discuss it with them...about this."

"When I get back from Dalmasca," she suggests to him, smiling softly. "So that no one loses their shit when I'm carrying Talekeeper down the aisle instead of flowers."

He blinks once at that last bit before canting his head slightly. "You'd carry Talekeeper.. because of Jeralt?"

In response, she nods a little. "It's not like my Father's gonna be walking me down the aisle, so Lio and your father should."

"Hmph...Not that we...would allow him to be there.. in the first place," he comments before smiling softly down at her.

There's a nod of agreement to that.

"Yeah. I doubt he'd show up anyways, even if he was invited," she agrees before deprecating, "I am the 'disappointment' after all."

He frowns for a brief moment when she self-deprecates. Then, he would raise one of his hands up to cup the side of her face, and he tells her, "That...is what he may call you... But it is not.. what I see you as. You.. are more valuable and.. precious than you could ever know, Quil."

"I know, Leth," she murmurs in reply, smiling just a little. "Just...in case...always remember that I love you..."

And with that, she gives the Bozjan the most passionate kiss she's ever given him.

"And I love you-" he started to say before he's rudely interrupted with the most passionate kiss he's received yet from the Garlean. A kiss so from out of left-field that it leaves him stunned afterwards.

She lingers in the kiss for a very long time, though there's not much time left before she needs to go - not enough to do more than kiss him. So when she finally withdraws, it's slowly and with hesitance.

He is hesitant to let go of her as well, though he has faith, trust, and her promise that she will return to him...he cannot help but feel, huh.

She's now making him feel again, as she constantly has since introducing him to the concept. Finally, after they both withdraw from the kiss, he says the signature phrase of the Bozjan Blades he's been citing lately.

"For the Queen... Return."

"For the Queen," she echoes, having cited the phrase frequently since receiving Talekeeper, "I shall."

#ffxivwrite2021 #too late to count

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youaresimplycomplex · 6 years

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Lady of the Orc [part 1]

“It is your duty to me and country”

“But why him!?”

“Because I have said so. Now I won't hear another word about it.”

“But Farther -”

“Not another word”

At that he turned and left Ashlynn alone in her room. He slammed the door so hard it blew out the candle. Now only the moon shined any light onto her life. She went to the window to stare at the sky. The pale almost full circle hung in the sky. It's haunting beauty only made her mood worsen. The injustice, the terrible fate now laid out before her.

Ashlynn's father, an ever shrew and clever man, has decided that the latest treaty should be signed with her marriage. Now her opinions being a middle daughter of a minor Duke have never been grand. She had an two brothers, one barley a year her elder but still he would have her father's title. Then her other brother, the youngest, has already been on several military campaigns and proven himself capable. Ashlynn was a young prodigy but no one noticed. She was taught the courtly arts of dance, speech, and reading. She outwitted even her father in chess and backgammon several times. She also read much on war and it's winning. Yet at every turned she has been berated for not being proper and well behaved.

Now her father wanting to make peace and appease the brutish orcs to the west, has offered her hand to their chief's son. He had tried to clear them off a plot of land so that humans could farm there instead. He had thought this more peaceful sec of Orcs easy pickings for his well trained knights. They had found a tougher foe then they had hoped. The campaign against the orc lands had been an embarrassing loss for their little providence. Peace had to be made with them. This naked act of aggression, might lead to raids on human lands in retaliation. Her father had reluctantly paid reparations and written promises of peace down. Then he had offered Ashlynn to an orc. She knew why her dad did this. It was finally his chance to be rid of the insolent child, but still it felt like betrayal to her. She slept poorly that night, dreading what was to come.

Ashlynn had a week of drowning depression. Her fate seem like an inescapable horror. She thought to run away but she could never figure out what to do once outside the walls. She knew of only here, she had barley left this castle. She thought to just refuse but her voice meant nothing to her father and what if the orcs grew reckless waiting on a bride. She seemingly could make no choice that wouldn't end in disaster.

She was lamenting in bed when her brother decided it best to pay his dearest sister a visit.

“So how our resident orc whore doing?” he said with smile she couldn't see but could hear. He had held his position of eldest over her most of her life. She spent years taking his verbal abuse.

“Shut up and leave me be Nathan.” burring deeper into her pillow fort of despair. He sighed falsely and sat onto her bed.

“You should be happy that dad finally found someone as ugly and stupid as you.” something in her snapped at that.

“We'll both be far more beautiful than you and whatever hag you end up.” she salty spat back. She was already being married to an orc not much she had left to lose. Nathan lost his footing a second but came back smugly with, “Oh foolish sister, you haven't even seen an orc.”

“I don't need too to know that one would be a better sight than your hideous face,” she said as she sat up.

Her brother always thought himself smarter than Ashlynn. A leftover from their childhood when he could tell her all the things he was learning. She used to listen with aw and wonder. She had long out paced his studies now but he still insisted on slowly explaining the obvious to her. Often incorrectly but who was she to correct him. She always consoled herself with the thought he'll learn when his ignorance when gets him killed. He had begun to sputter in shock at her assessment of his horrid visage. He could take insults about as gracefully as a headless chicken. And like a headless chicken he ran out of the room with no clear direction.

She sunk back into her bed and found his words sinking in. It was true she had never seen an orc. She heard the stories though and they we're all terrifying. Green beasts twice as tall as normal men. Able to eat knights in full plate. Strong beyond belief and dumb as a rocks. The barbaric tribes knew only blood and war. Ashlynn knew that these tales were mostly stories. Fiction had taken to them like moss but she still feared what truth lay under it.

‘And what of my face,’ she thought, ‘It's not like sutors are lining up at the castle door.’ She pondered this for a time but it just sunk her deeper into her misery. She had never thought herself as ugly but also never as beautiful. She liked herself well enough and that's all that really mattered. She had assumed that sutors thought her brash and unbehaved like her father. Now though she wondered if she was so ugly to others. If her looks keep her from marriage not just her attitude.

“Guess it best then to be married to an orc,” she said sadly to herself, finding sleep again.

A knock at the door woke her.

“Delivery my Lady”

It was one of the maids

“Come in” she said rousing from her night of nightmares of yet to come. She sat on the bed as young maid came in with some sort of package. It was something wrapped in rough leather and tied up with rope.

“Who is it from?” she asked puzzled by the package as it was placed in her hands. The maid suddenly got shy,

“ Well it's from... you know…”

This continued to puzzle Ashlynn.

“No I don't,” she said flatly “please tell me who it's from.”

“Oh it's from… well,” she looked shy and then full of pity, “ It's from your husband to be.” The silence hit the room hard. Ashlynn slowly looked at the package with new frightened eyes. “Thank you. You can go,” she said off handley. Once she heard the door shut she gently pulled at the rope that held the leather together. Inside was necklace, a letter and something covered in feathers the likes of which she had never seen. She examined the necklace first. A worn leather string held a small wood carving of bear. Was she supposed to wear it? She took the letter next, opening it in hopes of explanations.

Dear Lady Ashlynn,

I am Varbuk son of Varungad, and I am the orc to which you have been promised to. I am happy to have our union bring peace to both our lands. I can only hope you share in this joy. I want to apologise to you, I have come to understand that you were not asked about this. My father assures me this is normal among humans but I still feel this a slight to you. It was my hope that we could talk and get to know each other before the banquet. Things have not turned out that way. This letter comes with a couple of gifts. The first is my bear totem, it keeps me safe and gives me luck so I hope the bear protects you as well. The second is a cloak made from the feathers of an owlbear. I hunted the beast and made the cloak from its feathers myself. I know these gifts can not replace a proper proposal but please take them anyways.

Sincerely,

Varbuk the Ever Will

Ashlynn sat for a long time reading and rereading the letter. She was in complete shock. First of all orcs are apparently able to write and when they do they are peace loving sweethearts. It was too much to be believable but there it all was. Then looking over everything again her eyes landed on the cloak of owlbear feathers.

She scrambled out of bed though she did not know why she felt such haste. She threw on her new cloak with a fever. She looked at herself in mirror. The cloak was completely covered in the grey and black feathers. The cloak was secured with a talon or claw and the brim of the hood had the beak of the beast it came from. With the hood up she looked like a terrifying fairy tale witch. It was dark twisted, macabe, and she actually liked it. She was surprised how much she liked looking scary and dark.

The dark sorceress feels reminded her of a time when she had begged and pleaded for a magical education. The art of magic could be taught to those smart enough to learn it. It was common for children of Noble birth to learn wizarding. Like in most things her brother had convinced her father that she wasn't smart enough to get magic. She knew he was only upset because he couldn't wrap his head around the all the spells wizards tried teaching him. Ashlynn picked up a hair brush and began to wave it like a wand. She pretended to be a dark witch casting curses on her brothers.

Then as she wandered back to bed she saw the letter and remembered where this cloak came from. It was off her as fast as she had put it on. She threw it onto the bed hard but immediately regretted it. She picked it back up to see if it was damaged but it seemed fine. This orc who had sent her these gifts seemed sweet and trying hard to help ease her into this new turn of life. Which is more than can be said for everyone else. Her brother called her a whore the other ladies at court had laughed, been disgusted or only knew pity for her. She had heard whispers that many were happy to see her go. She looked back at her cloak and got a wicked idea.

_________________________________________

The banquet hall was an array of splendor. Everyone seemed happy, and jubilant. Bards played away as the party was in full swing. Though one thing was off Ashlynn was absent. Varbuk was worried, the servants had continuously reassured him that she was just getting ready. But it had been hours now where was she? The young orc had never had the chance to meet her and was concerned that she might have fled. Humans rarely tolerated Orcs and to marry one seem to be a short straw in fate's hands for most.

His mind began to swirl with anxieties. Would she hate him, throw up at him on sight. Most humans at this party had been giving him a wide berth. Mostly the ladies of the court. He definitely felt like an outsider. He had agreed to this union because her father had been so insistent. Then a loud creek came from the large double doors. In came a shorter humanoid figure draped in a familiar cloak. Valbuk heart fluttered suddenly at the sight of his future bride wearing his gift. Everyone else was not so at put at ease. Gasps and murmurs floated through the crowd. Valbuk wasted no time though as he made strides across the hall to Ashlenn.

“Lady Ashlynn I am to assume?” he said boldly

“Yes and you are Varbuk?” she said not looking at him. Her voice was deeper than most but still soft. Varbuk got down on one knee and reached for her hand. She did not stop him raising it up and gently kissing it.

“I am my Lady.” He said looking up into her eyes. It was the first time he had saw her face. Her eyes were emeralds wreathed in wavy blonde-red locks. Her face was in a unreadable blank expression. Though prominently around her neck was his first gift. Under it was an vibrant green dress. Varbuk was touched on how she wore his gifts and amazed at how beautiful she looked in them.

_________________________________________

Ashlynn felt the eyes of everyone on her. She had decided that if they were going to be rid of her then she was going to go out looking badass. Before she saw him she could feel Varbuk's stride ponding on floor. She didn't bother to raise her eyes to meet his. She could tell he was tall. His outfit was simple and unfancy. Cloth shirt and trousers with a leather belt free of weapons. When he bent down to kiss her hand she got to see his face. His hair seemed longer than hers, the shining black dreadlocks tied back behind him. A short chin strap beard warped around his face. His two white tusks popped against his summer leaf green skin. They meet eyes and his eyes were a warm amber. She had to admit he was handsome he seemed rugged and worldly. Ashlynn was jealous of that freedom to explore.

More footsteps came hurtling towards the pair, theses were much lighter.

“Ashlynn what are you wearing!?” Ah her father was here. She turned to the thin duke to speak but Varbuk's booming voice beat her to the punch.

“Gifts I sent her doesn't she look magnificent in them.” She saw the struggle play out across the long face of her father. He needed to play nice with the orc but really thought she shouldn't be wearing such ghastly garb. Diplomacy won out in the end as he weakly gave a, “Yes.”

The Duke slunked back to the large dining table and sat at it's head and called for dinner. Varbuk stuck out an elbow, inviting Ashlynn to take hold. She took him up on the offer. As they walk she could still feel the glares of disgust and hate but she didn't care. They always cast her as the villain so she was going to live up to expectations. Varbuk arm was thick and muscled, in fact most of him was. He stood a foot taller than everyone here and towered almost two feet taller than her. There was two other orcs here one older man and a woman. Both were huge in their own right. Valbuk must have noticed her looking and said,

“That's my father and mother.”

“Oh that's nice they came out with you” Ashlynn said trying to make small talk.

“They want to make sure that this peace goes well.”

“Doesn't everyone?”

“Yeah I suppose so,” he chuckled. She could feel his voice pull from deep in his chest.

“But do you?” Valbuk continued.

“Do I what?”

“Want this peace to go well?”

“Of course I do. Our people need peace.”

“Yes but do you want this? Want to marry an orc for the sake of your people?” No obviously not that was her answer, right? Why did that answer seem so far away. Like getting all these orcish gifts on made her forget that answer in her room.

“I, uh …” was a she got out before they were at the table being interrupted.

“Ah the lovely couple please take a seat.” A servant pointing to their chairs at the table. Varbuk pulled out one for her. She sat in it as let Varbuk push her in. He took the seat right next to her, smiling that warm smile of his.

The rest of the court and guests took their places. Valbuk, and Ashlynn sat at the end near her father. Valbuks parents on the other side situated between her brothers. The Duke stood and made a speech about peace and the coming together of stuff but he was using his boring voice so Ashlynn paid little attention. Everyone seemed enraptured by the speech though. She keep glancing at Varbuk, his question still lingering in her mind. Did she still want to run from this orc? He had been nothing but kind and generous with her. The stories she heard wrong on everything except their skin tone. Her mind was storming with these questions when on one her glances she saw something. It was a raised dagger behind Valbuk's back. Something awful dripping off the blade.

“WATCH OUT!” She shouted. Without a thought she grabbed the servants wrist trying to hold back the blade. The man was stronger then her but she had bought Varbuk enough time. His much stronger hands grabbed the servant and lifted him up like he was nothing. He stood up then he tossed the would be assassin like a rag doll across the room. The deadly blade landing near Ashlynn's feet. A similar struggle played out at the other end of the table as Varbuk's parents easily fended off Ashlynn's brothers. During this the Duke had made a break for it. He called out as he ran for the guards. Ashlynn knew this was going to be trouble.

She grabbed Varbuk's hand,

“This way!” She pulled him behind her as she ran. She knew these hall all too well. With a glance back she saw all three orcs on her tail. She was running on autopilot as she dodged though hall after hall. Down one way, left here, right there. Her nerves were tingling then she came to when she was running to. She released Varbuk's hand then set to work on the wall.

“What in the Nine hells just happened!?” Varbuk said gasping for air. Ashlynn had a good idea what happened.

“My father just tried to cut the head off the snake.”

“What!?” said the older man almost shouting.

“It's an old technique where you lure an enemy leader under peace terms then kill him and scatter the remaining army.” She kept scanning the stone bricks of the wall.

“Ashlynn your foot” Varbuk said solemnly

“What about it?”

“It’s bleeding.”

She looked down and saw a dark stain on her foot. Then it hit her, the dagger the servant had must have fallen on to her foot then to the ground. She hadn't even noticed. She looked back at the wall with renewed fear. She found what she was looking for. A brick marked with a bird carving. She pressed it and the wall shook as the secret passage way opened up.

“This leads to a the stables at the edge of the city. We need to move quic-” she was light headed and then stinging in her feet was getting worse. Then she fell but she was caught in Valbuk's arms. He lifted her up and carried her bridal style.

“It's going to be ok we're going to get out of here.” Varbuk voice cooed at the weak Noble in his arms. Then she blacked out.

#orc boyfriend #forgotten realms #d&d #orc #romance #love story #writing #orcs #orc x human #orc male #human female #orc male x human female #short story #part 1 #Lady of the Orc

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dorothydelgadillo · 5 years

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The 8 Best Branded April Fools' Pranks of 2019

Having April Fools' Day on a Monday seems like, well, a cruel joke.

If you had a morning like I did, you sat down at your computer a bit bleary-eyed, took your first sip of coffee, and opened up the morning news feed to browse through a quick daily update.

To put it mildly, my scroll was weird. Brands were launching new lines aimed at pets, one company had nearly concluded its CEO was a robot, and tulip fields had found a way to (loudly) ask for more water.

Wait...what?!?

That’s right, April Fools' campaigns were out in full bloom.

Once the coffee kicked in, I was awake enough to appreciate the humor and the lengths to which my fellow marketers had gone. Some campaigns clearly worked while others left me cringing.

Here are some of the standouts:

1. Morning Brew: Fynance Fest

The Morning Brew newsletter introduced us to Fynance Fest, a reimagined conference aimed at elite millennial business leaders.

This “VIP experience” is set for August, with the promise of announcing the sessions, speakers, and top DJs as soon as May.

There were probably two camps of people who saw this: those who easily saw the Fyre Festival comparisons and started their day with a giggle, and those who tried to sign up as VIPs and book their private helicopter ride to the Hamptons.

The brilliance of Fynance Fest is in how fleshed out the prank was and in the reveal.

The newsletter announcement links to a fully build-out landing page that’s heavy on graphics and promises and light on actual content (you know, like the Fyre page itself).

The reveal has a payoff, too.

First, it’s obvious. It clearly admits the joke (along with promising us that our email wasn’t given to Ja Rule) and it provides social shares.

Then it goes a step more and includes a link to sign up for the actual newsletter. Super smart.

2. DigitalMarketer: Who Is Ryan Deiss

DigitalMarketer took a leap by announcing this morning that their CEO Ryan Deiss might not be exactly human or even exist at all.

This is another example of a campaign that was clearly thought out well in advance.

A landing page video dives into the “mystery” around who (or what) Deiss is and it’s really one to watch.

DigitalMarketer then reveals the gag at the end of the video and in the call-to-action (CTA) buttons on the landing page, all of which lead to a pop-up and prompt a sign up for a free account.

Both DigitalMarketer and Morning Brew stay consistent with their brands -- the joke is funny but weird enough for (most) people to not believe it right away but to follow the joke anyway.

3. The Daily Carnage: Monthly Invoice

Carney, on the other hand, took a big risk by sending its Daily Carnage newsletter subscribers an email receipt for a $49.99 monthly charge … for a newsletter that’s historically been free.

Their reveal appears on the receipt page itself, in lighter and much more subtle text:

And then again at the bottom of the email:

When someone clicks the “Account” button on the receipt, they’re taken to a landing page that brings them in on the joke and shows them the ubiquitous Rick-Roll.

There’s no call-to-action or next steps to take (other than to try to reduce your blood pressure from having opened a fake billing notice).

This prank really did leave me feeling punk’d, and not in a good way. The email subject line is an order number, so it does look like an actual invoice. Even though I knew it wasn’t real when I opened it (because my teammates were already talking about it before I had a chance to get scammed), it took me several reviews before I found the reveal language.

The risk of breaking with the brand and hiding the joke may end up costing Daily Carnage more than it was worth.

Yikes.

4. Google: Google Tulip

It’s no joke that Google goes all in on April Fools' (in fact, the folks at VentureBeat created a roundup of all the pranks Google is pulling this year).

Google Tulip is by far a 2019 highlight.

youtube

In this "case study" video, Google tells the story of how Google Tulip has created "a breakthrough in human-plant communication." If we ever do get to a point where plants can tell us when they need light and water (and when they want to be left alone), I'm in real trouble.

Google stepped up with a gag that fits within their line, is both believable and silly at the same time, and is refined down to the last detail.

Fake Products, Real Smiles

As always, certain brands announced new product lines that were sure to bring a smile (or an eye roll).

5. Owl Labs: Meeting Owl Jr.

Owl Labs killed it with Owl Jr., a product to promote conferencing technology for the next generation.

Not only does the landing page have a video, a feature set, and testimonials (Jonathan C. says, “I love my Meeting Owl Jr. Hey Mommy, is it nap time now?”), but the order page provides a 100% coupon.

Those who fill out the form (please don’t forget the code), actually receive a stuffed animal.

The OwlLabs team even called in reinforcements to make their campaign seem even more real. Here's how our team got in on the fun:

Forget Gen Z! With #MeetingOwlJr, we can think even FURTHER ahead to reach future customers. Thanks @OwlLabsInc! Get yours today while you can: https://t.co/p5S6yKIcsm pic.twitter.com/4RPSitice1

— IMPACT (@Impactbnd) April 1, 2019

6. Think Geek: Where’s Barb

Distributor of all things geeky, Think Geek teased Stranger Things fans with a Where’s Waldo-themed book called Where’s Barb.

Oh, how I wish this were real.

Alas, they reveal the joke when you try to add it to your cart. They do, however, follow up by providing links to other items you can actually buy.

7. Hasbro: Mr. Avo Head

Quick (and totally true) confession: I have a Mr. Potato Head collection.

That's why I was totally stunned to hear that Hasbro has announced he's being retired in favor of the millennial-themed Mr. Avo Head.

Holy guacamole! We’ve given Mr. Potato Head the sack and we're introducing his new hipster companion, Mr Avo Head! pic.twitter.com/Y9aRITCTd7

— Hasbro (@Hasbro) April 1, 2019

Still, I also love avocados, and this guy looks like he's up for some adventures, especially since he comes with a top knot and beard:

This is yet another example of playing with the brand while staying true to it. And as a toy company, Hasbro shouldn't take itself too seriously anyway. Well done, Hasbro!

8. Marine Layer: ML Pup & REI: Pet Ventures

Few of us can resist the call of the wild, and neither could Marine Layer with its ML Pup line.

Even though the Pup line doesn’t exist, Marine Layer does a nice job of transitioning to its kids line of clothing to target those with "fur babies."

REI also themed its April Fools' to our furry (and not exactly furry) friends with REI Pet Ventures.

From Glamping for Cats to Kayaking for Betta Fish, this offers “active adventures design with pets in mind.”

There’s nothing not to love about this, especially how tied in with the REI brand this joke is.

Be Ready for Next April Fools' Day!

As a marketer, it's fun to plan April Fools' campaigns, but the timing and the strategy can quickly get out of hand. Here are some things to keep in mind when you're planning for next year:

1. Start Prepping Now

The best thing marketers with a sense of humor can do to prep for next year, is to start planning now (or at least well in advance).

The campaigns that worked best and easily translate into smiles instead of confusion are those that feel real -- they have video, landing pages, offers, testimonials.

In other words, they have every element active digital campaigns have.

2. Stick with Your Brand

Successful joke campaigns also stay consistent with the brand. After all, they’re targeted to the same audience.

So, if your target market isn’t the whimsical type, then you might want to steer clear of this particular holiday.

If they are, keep your content clearly aligned with what you normally produce. That makes it believable, even if it’s not real.

3. Remember the Trust

April Fools' may be a time to pull a gag, but it’s not time to betray the trust your audience has in you the rest of the year. It’s ok to cause some confusion, but make sure your reveal is clear and that, once they learn you were kidding, they’re laughing with you.

Happy April Fools' Day, Everyone!

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/the-8-best-branded-april-fools-pranks-of-2019

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everettwilkinson · 7 years

Text

Trump invisible in race to replace Chaffetz

With Kevin Robillard, Zach Montellaro, Daniel Strauss and Scott Bland

The following newsletter is an abridged version of Campaign Pro’s Morning Score. For an earlier morning read on exponentially more races — and for a more comprehensive aggregation of the day’s most important campaign news — sign up for Campaign Pro today. (http://www.politicopro.com/proinfo)

Story Continued Below

INVISIBLE MAN — “Trump invisible in race to replace Chaffetz,” by Campaign Pro’s Elena Schneider: “Down in Alabama, Sen. Luther Strange is trumpeting President Donald Trump’s endorsement in a blizzard of TV ads before his special election. In Montana, Donald Trump Jr. stumped for Rep. Greg Gianforte — twice. In Georgia, a handful of GOP candidates rushed to tie themselves to the president’s agenda, including one who stood in a swamp and promised to drain it in a TV ad.

But the first rule of Utah GOP politics in the age of Donald Trump, so far, is that you do not talk about Donald Trump. And that’s exactly what three Republicans are doing in the race for ex-Rep. Jason Chaffetz’s district, a heavily conservative, Mormon tract of Utah where contenders have praised some of Trump’s policies — but rarely say his name. … Trump’s popularity improved after the election, but Trump still lost the Utah primary to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz by more than 50 points. And when Trump carried the state over Hillary Clinton, Evan McMullin, who ran as a conservative alternative, came away with 20 percent of the electorate.” Full story here.

SINGLE ISSUE — “How does a progressive Democrat try to unseat a Republican? Step one: Don’t talk about single-payer healthcare,” by the Los Angeles Times’ Sarah D. Wire: “Congressional candidate Katie Hill was sitting around a kitchen table with a local activist group last spring when one of the attendees asked her a question: Will she have to ‘soft pedal’ her stance on any issues to unseat Republican Rep. Steve Knight in the 25th District? … After getting assurances that the video would only be available to a private group, Hill said one of the issues she can’t discuss directly is single-payer healthcare. ‘I shouldn’t go into the district and talk about single-payer, right? Like, that word by itself is going to be something that just immediately turns off a lot of people,’ Hill said. ‘But, if I talk about how we need to make sure that everybody has access to healthcare and that it’s affordable for everybody and how having a government option [is needed] at the very least, that is something people can really get behind. It’s more about the way we talk about things than being very far apart on issues.’”

— “The video … shows the delicate line some Democratic candidates are walking as the national party goes after the more than 30 seats it needs to win back control of the House. The idea of a single-payer healthcare system, in which the government pays for a base level of healthcare for all citizens, has been growing in popularity in party circles … Hill said in an interview that she believes the country will eventually have single-payer healthcare, but using the term puts off people in a district with a large number of conservative voters.” Full story.

2020 WATCH — “Castro launches political group ahead of possible 2020 run,” by Campaign Pro’s Scott Bland: “Former Obama Cabinet secretary Julián Castro has formed a new PAC as he steps up his political activity and considers a possible run for president in 2020. The new group is called ‘Opportunity First,’ a favorite catchphrase of Castro’s since his days as mayor of San Antonio, though it is also similar to President Donald Trump’s ‘America First’ slogan. The group will support candidates for federal, state and local office and could finance other political activities for Castro, who has already lent a hand to several congressional and gubernatorial candidates around the country since the end of the Obama administration.” Full story.

Days until the 2017 election: 89.

Days until the 2018 election: 453.

Thanks for joining us! You can email tips to the Campaign Pro team at [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] and [email protected].

You can also follow us on Twitter: @politicoscott, @ec_schneider, @politicokevin, @danielstrauss4 and @maggieseverns.

DAILY ROLL TIDE — “Strange releases late ads touting Trump endorsement” by Campaign Pro’s Daniel Strauss: “Sen. Luther Strange’s campaign rolled out a late ad blitz highlighting President Donald Trump’s endorsement on Thursday morning, less than a week before the special Senate primaries in Alabama. … “President Trump says Luther Strange is the best conservative to pass our agenda,” says the narrator in Strange’s new 30-second television spot, while Trump’s tweet appears onscreen. “Tweeting, ‘Luther Strange has done a great job representing the great people of the great state of Alabama. He has my complete and total endorsement!'” … The radio ad focuses on Brooks, one of Strange’s top rivals in the primary. “Brooks keeps attacking our president,” the radio narrator says, before playing quotes of Brooks saying, “I don’t think you can trust Donald Trump with anything he says.”” Full story.

— “Contenders in Alabama GOP Senate race won’t defend McConnell against Trump,” by POLITICO’s Seung Min Kim: “President Donald Trump is eviscerating Sen. Mitch McConnell over the lagging Republican agenda, and none of the three main candidates in the increasingly nasty Senate GOP primary in this state are taking the majority leader’s side. Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala.) said in an interview on Thursday that he found it ‘baffling’ that Trump would go after McConnell yet endorse Sen. Luther Strange (R-Ala.), which ‘helps ensure nothing will get done.’

But ‘no question’ that Trump’s criticism was fair, Brooks added: ‘Mitch McConnell, if he’s not gonna get the job done, needs to resign so someone else can try to get the job done.’ Even Strange, a member of McConnell’s rank and file, noted that he himself has also said, ‘Mitch, get back to work.'” Full story.

— A Cygnal/L2 poll released Thursday found Moore leading, per Campaign Pro’s Daniel Strauss: “Moore took 31 percent in the poll, followed by Strange with 23 percent. Brooks placed third with 18 percent, while a handful of other candidates were all in the single digits.” Full story.

— Phil Robertson endorses Roy Moore for Senate: Moore’s campaign announced the endorsement on Thursday. Earlier in the week he was endorsed by Chuck Norris. Per the campaign on Thursday: “Today the Judge Roy Moore for U.S. Senate campaign announced the endorsement of Duck Commander Phil Robertson. “I have been an admirer for some time of Judge Roy Moore. He judged with a good understanding of the constitution and the law, but he also understands natural law and who gave us our rights to begin with, Almighty God.”

RUNNING BUDDIES — “Pritzker announces state Rep. Stratton as running mate,” by the Chicago Tribune’s Rick Pearson: “Democratic governor candidate J.B. Pritzker has picked new state Rep. Juliana Stratton to be his running mate for the 2018 nomination, the campaign announced Thursday. … The pick comes as Cook County Democratic Party leaders are set to hear from candidates for governor at their slating meetings Friday in advance of endorsing a ticket for the 2018 primary. Stratton was elected to the state representative post last year after forces supportive of Republican Gov. Bruce Rauner backed then-Democratic Rep. Ken Dunkin for re-election. Dunkin was handily defeated in the 2016 Democratic primary.” Full story.

MAIN(E) EVENT: Paul LePage appears to be inching towards Senate run: Maine Gov. Paul LePage sounds increasingly like he’ll mount a 2018 challenge Sen. Angus King, the Maine Sun Journal writes, and said this week he’s discussed running with his wife. “During a radio interview Thursday, the governor indicated that the only declared major party challenger — state Sen. Eric Brakey, R-Auburn — likely can’t win.

‘I don’t see it in the cards for him,’ LePage told friendly radio hosts during his weekly appearance on Portland’s WGAN. … The governor acknowledged on Bangor-based WVOM radio last week that it is ‘very, very hard to knock off an incumbent,’ which is why potentially competitive challengers are wary of taking on the assignment. Nonetheless, LePage said he is ‘really starting to discuss this with my wife,’ Ann. LePage, who is barred from seeking a third term as governor, claimed recently that he’s getting ever more pressure to jump into the contest.” Full story here.

— Iowa businesswoman will challenge Rep. Steve King: Businesswoman Leann Jacobsen announced on Thursday she’ll challenge GOP Rep. Steve King in Iowa’s 4th congressional district this cycle. In an announcement video, Jacobsen says that King is “a politician who is mostly interested in playing politics and getting headlines for himself.”

— Bolton endorses Kevin Nicholson in Wisconsin: Ex-U.N. Ambassador John Bolton endorsed Republican Kevin Nicholson in the Wisconsin Senate primary on Thursday. Bolton has endorsed 11 candidates for office so far this cycle. Nicholson and others he’s endorsed receive funds from Bolton’s national security-focused PAC.

AD WATCH — Northam, Gillespie launch new ads: Campaign Pro’s Kevin Robillard reports, “Democratic Lt. Gov. Ralph Northam is up with his first television ad of the general election, a positive biographical spot. … The ad is running on broadcast and cable TV in the Norfolk, Charlottesville, Richmond and Roanoke markets as part of a $100,000 buy. Republican Ed Gillespie started airing ads earlier this month. Polls have shown Northam and Gillespie tied, or given Northam a small lead.” Gillespie released two new ads on Thursday, one focused on ethics reform and one focused on immigration. Read more here and here.

CODA — QUOTE OF THE DAY: “These kind of deadlines create these expectations and then it becomes a crisis, and then somebody has to have failed.” — Trump ally Newt Gingrich, speaking to Fox News about why he thinks Republicans shouldn’t give themselves a deadline on tax reform.

Original Source link

from CapitalistHQ.com https://capitalisthq.com/trump-invisible-in-race-to-replace-chaffetz/

#TrumpNews #CapitalistHQ.com

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melindarowens · 7 years

Text

Trump invisible in race to replace Chaffetz

With Kevin Robillard, Zach Montellaro, Daniel Strauss and Scott Bland

Story Continued Below

Days until the 2017 election: 89.

Days until the 2018 election: 453.

Thanks for joining us! You can email tips to the Campaign Pro team at [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] and [email protected].

You can also follow us on Twitter: @politicoscott, @ec_schneider, @politicokevin, @danielstrauss4 and @maggieseverns.

Original Source link

source https://capitalisthq.com/trump-invisible-in-race-to-replace-chaffetz/ from CapitalistHQ http://capitalisthq.blogspot.com/2017/08/trump-invisible-in-race-to-replace.html

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ralphmorgan-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Trump’s baseless wiretap claim

West Palm Beach, Fla. (CNN)President Donald Trump made a stunning claim Saturday, alleging without offering evidence that his predecessor, Barack Obama, wiretapped his phones at Trump Tower ahead of the 2016 election.

"Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my 'wires tapped' in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!" Trump tweeted early Saturday morning in one part of a six-tweet tirade that began just after 6:30 a.m.

The President went on to compare the alleged tapping of his phones to Watergate and called Obama "bad (or "sick)."

"How low has President Obama gone to tap my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy," Trump tweeted.

But two former senior US officials quickly dismissed Trump's accusations out of hand.

"Just nonsense," said one former senior US intelligence official.

Another former senior US official with direct knowledge of investigations by the Justice Department under the Obama administration said Trump's phones were never tapped.

"This did not happen. It is false. Wrong," the former official told CNN.

A spokesman for Obama, Kevin Lewis, called "any suggestion" that Obama or any White House official ordered surveillance against Trump "simply false."

"A cardinal rule of the Obama administration was that no White House official ever interfered with any independent investigation led by the Department of Justice," Lewis said in a statement early Saturday afternoon. "As part of that practice, neither President Obama nor any White House official ever ordered surveillance on any US citizen. Any suggestion otherwise is simply false."

The former senior US official with direct knowledge of the Justice Department's investigations said Obama could not have ordered such a warrant. It would have been taken to a judge by investigators, but investigators never sought a warrant to monitor Trump's phones, the former official said.

A federal judge would only have approved a warrant to wiretap Trump's phones if he or she had found probable cause that Trump had committed a federal crime or was a foreign agent.

Former Obama deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes echoed the point in a tweet responding to Trump on Saturday morning.

"No President can order a wiretap. Those restrictions were put in place to protect citizens from people like you," he said in his Twitter post.

Warrants to tap into someone's phones in the course of a federal investigation would be sought by the Department of Justice, which conducts investigations independent of the White House and the President.

The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, an independent and secretive federal court, is responsible for issuing surveillance warrants in cases concerning foreign intelligence. The FBI has been investigating contacts between Trump campaign advisers and Russians known to US intelligence, and that court would likely be the forum to petition for such a warrant.

When asked if the White House is seeking any possible FISA court documentation to back up the President's claims, several senior administration officials confirmed to CNN that White House Counsel Donald McGahn "is reviewing what options, if any, are available to us." But White House officials could not say whether any such documentation exists.

There is no evidence such a document on surveillance of Trump himself exists, according to sources with knowledge of the situation whom CNN spoke to Saturday.

The FISA court's records are some of the most secretive intelligence documents. The White House could seek possible records from the Justice Department. If it did that, it would be unheard of and a breach of protocol, University of Texas law professor Steve Vladeck, an expert on national security law, told CNN. Protocol has dictated that the Justice Department would be insulated from such White House requests for these types of documents.

The New York Times first reported on McGahn's review.

A senior administration official in Washington said colleagues learned of the tweet storm about Obama only after Trump sent them. They were not expecting the President to make any news this morning before golfing in Palm Beach, Florida.

The official said they don't believe Trump is trying to get ahead of any particular story that's about to come out, but rather he is furious about how the Russia storyline is playing out.

The official pointed to a story on the conservative website Breitbart News that was circulating in the West Wing, which followed up on comments from radio talk show Mark Levin claiming Obama worked to undermine Trump's presidential campaign and his administration, including various investigations on Russia and possible ties between Russians and Trump associates.

That story infuriated him, the official said.

Trump's tweets came two days after his attorney general, Jeff Sessions, recused himself from any investigation related to the Trump campaign. Some Democrats have continued to call for Sessions' resignation after he acknowledged meeting multiple times with the Russian ambassador to the US during the campaign despite denying any contacts during his Senate confirmation hearing.

A pattern

Trump's tweets Saturday morning are just the latest in a string of wild accusations he has made since taking office that either directly contradicted the facts or lacked evidence to substantiate his claims, and they come just days after Trump was widely praised for the unifying tone of his joint address to Congress.

While past presidents have spoken prudently about sensitive matters to ensure that any claims they make are backed up by carefully vetted facts, Trump has instead maintained his pre-presidency style: one defined by unsubstantiated claims bellowed off the cuff or tweeted at odd hours of the day.

Trump has made dozens of verifiably false or misleading claims since taking office, often with an eye on gaining a political advantage or blunting criticism.

The President has repeatedly trumpeted the debunked claim that millions of illegal votes were cast in the 2016 election and accused journalists of inventing a rift between him and the US intelligence community, despite his own statements to that effect.

And last month, he accused a Democratic senator of misrepresenting his Supreme Court nominee's criticism of him, even after the nominee's White House-appointed spokesman corroborated the senator's account of the conversation.

Meanwhile, Trump and his advisers have falsely accused the media of leading a "fake news" campaign to smear his presidency, all the while arguing in favor of "alternative facts."

Congressional reaction

Sen. Lindsey Graham, a South Carolina Republican who has been critical of Trump, said during a town hall forum Saturday that he didn't know if Trump's claim was true, but said he was "very worried" about the allegation.

"I'm very worried. I'm very worried that our President is suggesting that the former President's done something illegally," Graham said. "I would be very worried if in fact the Obama administration was able to obtain a warrant lawfully about Trump campaign activity with foreign governments. So it's my job as a United States senator to get to the bottom of this. I promise you I will."

California Rep. Adam Schiff, the ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee, which is also probing the scope of Russia's influence on the US election, said in a statement Saturday afternoon in reference to one of Trump's tweets: "If there is something bad or sick going on, it is the willingness of the nation's chief executive to make the most outlandish and destructive claims without providing a scintilla of evidence to support them.

"No matter how much we hope and pray that this President will grow into one who respects and understands the Constitution, separation of powers, role of a free press, responsibilities as the leader of the free world, or demonstrates even the most basic regard for the truth, we must now accept that President Trump will never become that man," Schiff said.

Amid criticism that Trump's allegations were meritless, one GOP senator called on Trump to release proof about his accusation, saying the President's allegations were "very serious."

Nebraska Sen. Ben Sasse, a frequent Trump critic, said the President should publicly release the FISA Court order that would have been needed if his phones were legally tapped by the government.

And, if Trump believes his phones were illegally monitored, he "should explain what sort of wiretap it was and how he knows this," Sasse said in a statement.

"We are in the midst of a civilization-warping crisis of public trust, and the President's allegations today demand the thorough and dispassionate attention of serious patriots," Sasse said. "A quest for the full truth, rather than knee-jerk partisanship, must be our guide if we are going to rebuild civic trust and health."