#but i am scared of this episode where they all talk about some emotional family stuff of their lives

[badsassitude]

The Boyfriend: Why Shun Needs Hugs (Deep Dive Part 1/3)

My brain does not want to shut up about the dynamics on this show, and I am ready to fight everyone talking smack about Shun.  Look, that boy needs to be hugged, not shamed, and that is a hill I am ready to die on.  

Emotions are complicated and messy. Sometimes the things we want the most are the things we are the most scared of, and sometimes we desperately struggle between wanting to connect and wanting to protect ourselves from pain and doing neither well. It’s a bit like trying to go left but also go right and just pacing back and forth and not going anywhere. What was meant initially to be a simple reflection of exploring Shun’s behavior through the lens of attachment theory took on a life of its own, and now we have parts.

So here is part one, in which we look at Shun's behaviors through the lens of anxious attachment and I draft adoption papers 24 years too late.

Shun as presented in episodes 1-6 of The Boyfriend, has anxious attachment written all over him. **I think it is MASSIVELY IMPORTANT to understand that I am not saying Shun has an anxious attachment style.** First and foremost, what we as watchers see is only a series of filmed interactions edited together. Even if we could see 24/7 unedited footage from the moment Shun stepped into the Green Room, we would still only be seeing a small part of Shun’s life, during a time where he is outside of his normal life and environment. Secondly, we can only see what is outwardly observable, so at best our perspective is based off of guesses and interpretation for which there is no way to validate, elaborate on, or clarify.

For context, in a super brief, overly simplified cliff notes version: anxious attachment is one of the insecure attachment styles included in attachment theory.  Attachment theory describes common behaviors and characteristic of 4 primary attachment styles (of which anxious attachment is an insecure attachment style).

Second note: attachment is not static, remember, emotions are complicated and people don’t fit into neat little boxes. How we attach in different relationships with different people at different points in our lives is unique to that relationship and that context. 

Now back to Shun (well, my interpretation of the Netflix reality TV edited version). Some behaviors I have seen demonstrated by Shun in the show that characterize anxious attachment include:

fear of rejection 

Frequent need for validation, reassurance, attention 

Low self-esteem 

Intense desire for intimacy and closeness, but afraid of abandonment- contributing to the push/pull of clingy to pushing away

Difficulty trusting others 

Jealousy 

For children who grow up feeling as if their needs are not met, with inconsistencies in caregiver responses and an environment that feels unpredictable and perhaps unsafe - they have a higher risk of developing an insecure attachment style (such as anxious attachment) because they did not experience secure attachment bonds. 

Think about what Shun has shared of his story:  Shun never knew his parents. Most likely they abandoned him, and he doesn’t know why. He grew up in a children’s home/orphanage. He was raised by caregivers who took care of him because it was their job. It is reasonable to infer that there was likely turnover in staff at an unknown frequency, and there was likely inconsistency in how staff treated him. It is possible that other children came and went, possibly were adopted. There was nothing stable or secure in that environment, and the even the most loving of caregivers weren’t family and could leave at any time. 

Additionally, he made two comments that set my trauma spidey-senses tingling. Per the Netflix translation, Shun said “Even there… I went through a lot.” Quickly followed by, “And… well, after a lot happened, I ended up coming to Tokyo on my own.” He then added that since coming to Tokyo he has been free, which was said with a little smile and a nod that pierced me to my core. The way he presented while telling his story, so matter of fact with a level of detachment, is very consistent with how I have experienced many trauma survivors telling their stories. 

Now add to all that what he has shared about his past relationships - primarily that he had experiences with “player types” that were clearly painful enough that seeing whatever pictures he saw on Dai’s phone triggered him to the point of tears. He described one relationship as horrible, he “couldn’t get out of it.”  

When you think about what that man has been through, is it that strange that while he may desperately long for love and intimacy, that he’s also terrified of being vulnerable in the way you have to be to get it? 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

[biwitchenergyz]

How I would have wrote the first episode to lead up to blood and cheese

DISCLAIMER! This is purely for fun and I do not think I am better then the actual writers of house of the dragon. I just enjoy writing and thought I’d give my own take on the scene and how I would have liked to see it play out. Please don’t take this too seriously. Also ignore my grammar I can’t spell their names to save my life😭

I like the scene of Aegon coming in to look for his son. I think this could be a great time to introduce Maelor. Perhaps Jaehara could be holding her little brother while Helaena is sewing and watching her two youngest kids. Helaena is sewing almost unconsciously as though her mind is elsewhere but looking at her children soothes her tensed expression. Jaehara laughs and smiles when Aegon comes in and he instantly goes to her, patting her head while he speaks to her and Maelor. Maybe he jokes with his children but jaehara and the baby boy smile. He asks Helaena where HIS boy is instead of “the boy” and Helaena tells him that her son is in the library having his lessons. Aegon says something like thank you, sister. And tells her that he plans on taking the future king to watch a council meeting. The rest of the scene follows like in the show with Helaena saying she is scared and Aegon reassuring her that she has nothing to fear, maybe he even adds that the rats are no worry because the rat catchers are here to protect her (from the rats).

Cut to The council scene which I thought was perfect, for emotional effect I’d add a moment where During the king hearing petitions he has brought Jae and he puts Jae on his lap and kinda plays with his son and tells him one day he will sit the iron throne. Then Aegon gives the boy his signature ring to play with.

Now I’d keep everything else, especially Rhaenyra’s iconic I want Aemond line, but instead I’d like Daemon to go to Mysaria and express a different plan. Kind of like “the queen wants my nephew because she is blinded by a mothers grief but he is not the real threat. We must end Aegons line, without an heir Aegons position is weak and perhaps he too will feel the grief that the queen endures.” Since this WHOLE episode daemon has only been mad about nobody destroying Aegon when they had the chance and as he points out he only wants to kill Vhagar because Aemond is no threat to them without her. Daemon, the ROGUE prince, goes rogue and hires blood and cheese with the sole intent of killing Aegons heir (forgetting Maelor because Daemon doesn’t really know shit about Aegons family). He tells blood and cheese to cause as much torment as they wish but that he must have the head of a son. So blood and cheese (who have expressed hatred for the hightowers) go into the castle in pretty much the same way except they never pass Aegon on the throne cus that’s dumb as shit. (We still see Aegon and his bros because that was hilarious)

Blood and Cheese hear two maids talking about how the queen will take her kids to see the queen dowager as she always does. They will mention that they have begged Helaena to take guards with her but the queen insists that they will be fine (or says some ominous dreamer quote). So blood and cheese sneak past guards being stopped at one moment by a guard who they trick into letting them go. Finally they arrive at the Queen Dowagers room where they kill Alicents two guards and barge into the room where Alicent is being dressed by her lady maid. The woman screams and cheese strangles her while blood grabs Alicent and ties her arms to her bedpost (she can mover her feet but she can not move far). Then they wait as Helaena brings the kids. Alicent is gagged so Helaena doesn’t hear her screaming. Hel brings the kids in and they are all taking and playing as the door slams shut behind her and she finally notices the two men standing at the shut door. She demands to know who they are but when she sees the rat cages she falls silent. Then she whispers to her scared kids, “the rat catchers are here to protect us.” Like Aegon said to her even though she doesn’t believe it. Alicent is screaming at Helaena through her gag begging her to run but Hel remains calm. “You owe a debt and we are here to collect” Cheese says.

He rips Maelor from Helaena’s arms and blood grabs Jahaerys, who he identifies by the ring Aegon gave him to play with. They demand Helaena chooses one of her sons to die but she offers herself instead. They tell her she’s just a woman and they came for a boy or something with a cock (cus they are brazen and gross). Jaehara hides behind her mom but finally pokes her head out from behind her as Helaena pleads that she be taken instead. Cheese then sees the girl and tells her to make a choice before blood rapes her daughter. Alicent starts crying and trying to escape her bondage. She pulls so hard that she will later have bruised wrists that we see at the funeral.

Finally Helaena says, “the baby. Take my baby.” Clearly thinking he doesn’t know what’s going on. Cheese tells Maelor , “your mama wants you dead” then he drops the kid to the floor and Helaena runs forward to catch him. She and Alicent look relived thinking the two men will leave but then Cheese grabs Jaehareys arms as Blood pulls his knife. The camera shows Jahaerys scream for his mom then the focus is on Helaena’s face( with Alicent in the background) both watching in fear as we hear them slice off the boys head. (Maybe blood splatters across Helaena’s face for drama) and then the screen goes black.

[edoro]

so one thing i really liked about the episode is that scene where Hunter starts crying in the basement of the shack after Luz tells him he’s family and she wants to keep him safe

it just... it means a lot. it really resonated. i think it was beautifully done and am specifically deeply enamored of some of the less ‘traditional’ comfort scene aspects of it.

(under a cut bc it got long)

Hunter is a person for whom it’s never been safe to have or openly express emotions like that. vulnerability has always been dangerous. the Emperor’s Coven was a nest of vipers, his uncle was a manipulative emotionally abusive monster, and he’s always been viewed as a spoiled child who was handed a position he didn’t earn or deserve and therefore had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously (and no one really took him seriously even then.)

it’s never been safe for Hunter to cry. crying is a weakness. crying is something that someone can use against him. “i was never afraid as the Golden Guard” -> he repressed all of his negative emotions like fear, sadness, uncertainty, unhappiness, etc so tightly that he didn’t even consciously know they were there (meanwhile it is obvious to the viewer that Hunter is both miserable and terrified pretty much 100% of the time) and didn’t have to acknowledge them and could avoid expressing them in order to survive an extremely dangerous, wildly unsafe situation in which his actual life and physical health/wellbeing were at stake

this is a pretty common reaction to a prolonged, inescapable traumatic situation, especially one where any displays of emotion are used against you. you shut down, you numb out, you learn how to turn your feelings off or bury them so deeply that you don’t even know they’re there, just so you can get through it, and often while you’re in the situation you feel like you’re Basically Fine until you’re out of it and can recognize, by contrast, how intensely miserable you were

anyway though the point is that Hunter is someone whose vulnerable emotions are very tightly repressed, and in that moment, he just completely loses control over it. he’s scared, he’s away from his abuser, he’s been slowly learning how to enjoy things and actually like his life instead of just enduring it, and for the first time in his life someone just offered him unconditional acceptance and care

it just really resonates with me! like it’s SO heartwrenching what makes it happen, how unloved and unwanted and unsafe he must have always felt before, but also... i like how quick it is.

how he tries to keep it under control. the way he looks away, how he doesn’t even blink, how he tries not to let her know he’s crying and STARTS crying very quietly until a sob slips out and he can’t help it anymore

how it’s just this quick intense burst of sobbing and then he gets it back under control, because he’s had to learn how to do that, how to quickly put the metaphorical mask back on. very relatable - when you’ve been through the kind of emotional abuse Hunter has, it’s almost involuntary to do that, to just stop yourself from crying as soon as something breaks through the layers of repression to make you actually get to that point where tears come out

Hunter is still very early in his recovery process and when you’ve spent so long so disconnected from your own fear and grief, it’s HARD to let yourself feel them, and you can only handle doing it for very short periods of time before all those subconscious defense mechanisms kick in and make you stop again

and i love the way Luz just... lets him be. Hunter doesn’t like being touched, he doesn’t like being grabbed, he clearly struggles to talk about things that affect him deeply or hurt - for him, it wouldn’t be comforting if Luz tried to hug him or talk to him about it. what she does is give him emotional and physical space, while still being there for him, and she offers him brief and easily rebuffed/escaped contact and lets him be the one to deepen it by leaning in against her - and she doesn’t really look directly at him, either, doesn’t force him to meet her eyes

she acknowledges it and comforts him without forcing some kind of discussion or confrontation on him, she lets him have space while still being present, and when it’s done she moves on without pushing or prodding or questioning him

as someone who would almost rather die than have someone see me cry and who DEFINITELY does not want to talk about it or be touched or really have it acknowledged in any way if i can help it, and who has had people in the past switch very quickly from trying to comfort me to getting mad at me when i told them what they were doing was making it worse, it just really means a lot to me to see that kind of scene?

like what Luz did was so caring and loving and comforting for him, it took his actual needs and desires into account, it means SO much to me to see that, it was such a good scene, UGH

[evas-spn-thoughts]

When Dean is scared, he gets angry - a rant.

Okay, I'm listening to a supernatural podcast. Now, don't get me wrong, I truly love this podcast and it's been so great to listen to and I have a great time - but my god do I feel like they don't know Dean Winchester.

However, it is fair to say that they don't dive into the characters as much as I do or maybe they just see the characters different to me, which is fine but it doesn't detract from my annoyance. This podcast is also over, so I can't send in any post season feedback on my thoughts, so instead I am gonna rant on here about my thoughts on Dean Winchester and his fear.

So to paint the picture... I'm listening to their coverage of the final episodes of s14 and they are talking about Dean and how angry he gets in those episodes. Now I am a Dean girl and he is my favourite character but also the way he reacts to his emotions is very obvious to me and I see myself in him, especially in him not functioning well when he is scared.

So to get to the crux of what I'm trying to say - Dean Winchester is emotional, he cries a lot more than Sam or any other character - and that is partly because Jensen gets a lot of the emotional moments - but also because Dean feels his emotions obviously and outwardly compared to a lot of the Supernatural characters. He feels so much that he actually cannot contain it, and that's why he's so loveable and loved - but also why he can be so frantic and feel stretched thin in certain storylines.

Something that is core to Dean Winchester is that when he gets scared he transforms that fear into anger. The majority of the time Dean is angry, it's actually because he is so scared of what is happening to him, or to a loved one, or just scared of what he is feeling and how much he cares.

This is key to understanding Dean Winchester, it is a fact of his character, but it's not stated obviously, you need to just watch and get it. Which is why some people do not see it, they only see the anger.

He does explain it in 12x10, he states clearly to Cas - "I'm not mad. I'm worried" - and this is one of the few times it's told and not shown, but unless you tie this fact into your fundamental knowledge of Dean Winchester it's easy to overlook. Even Sam and Cas assume that for the whole of 12x10 Dean is angry, so I do get how the audience can see it as purely anger, even though it isn't.

But I get annoyed when situations like the end of season 14 happen, and people on a podcast that I love read it as 'oh Dean is just so angry', it grinds my gears because to me, Dean is so clearly terrified that something has happened to his mom.

He is running on fear for that whole season tbh, he's just been possessed by Michael - and Dean doesn't like feeling out of control. He then moves into finding out his kid has potentially killed his mom and his best friend has known Jack hasn't been 100% right but hasn't told anyone, so how is he supposed to react rationally to all of this - Dean is all about trust and protecting his family, but to do so, he needs the whole picture.

Dean Winchester has 1 fundamental rule and that is to protect his family, and that is how he goes through life. In season 14, his mom is missing and his son is murdering people he loves, and his best friend kept information from him that got his mom killed. There is no clear good or bad guy for Dean to kill, so he gets scared and then get's angry - at everything.

Now this carries into season 15, and I think you need to see Dean as a man scared for the first like 5 episodes to understand how he's acting, and why he's so cold to Castiel, I think you also need to remember that this isn't the first time Cas has lied to Dean, and these lies have always led to some form of loss for Dean. So this isn't anger and fear about one action, but a build up of numerous examples of where keeping secrets has failed them.

Now yes Dean has lied to his family as well, but this is a tv show and these characters are human beings - and an angel - so they aren't going to be keeping score or thinking rationally about these things.

My general point is just that Dean is constantly scared, this stems from his childhood and his feeling of responsibility over everyone. So his anger is not just anger, it's a lot more complex. So when people dumb it down to Dean being angry and aggressive for no reason it feels unfair to who Dean is as a character.

Anyway, that's the end of my rant about Dean Winchester and how his anger isn't actually anger.

I hope it made some kind of sense, and if not, welcome to how my head works.

[depressed-teacup-inc]

I’m actually screaming about this episode

…so Migration came out! Let’s get this over with, I am going through it right now.

So episode starts, Marinette runs over to Luka gives some lame excuse to talk to him, kinda fucking flirts with him, proceeds to cry about Adrien, has Luka comfort her, victimizes herself crying about how selfish she is to cry to Luka after she treated him like shit (which she did) the show justifies her and she runs off as happy as ever to flirt with Adrien

…so the episode is off to a great start!

Anyways adrien goes and asks Luka for advice about marinette constantly hiding things from him and how he’s scared to love someone that can’t be honest with him (Yknow like how marinette/ladybug have been treating him like shit for 4 seasons?) and Luka is like “it’ll be ok” but also gives Adrien some good advice about figuring himself out and it’s Lukadrien crumbs so I’m not as mad about this conversation

And basically it becomes this montage where everyone (specifically marinette Adrien jagged, who I still don’t forgive PAY YOUR CHILD SUPPORT, and Penny who is into Jagged for whatever reason) all come to Luka for advice and he helps all of them

…CUZ ITS NOT LIKE LUKA CAN EVER NEED HELP WITH ANYTHING NO GUYS HES THE HELER HE WILL HELP EVERYONE AND NEVER GET ANYTHING IN RETURN AND ITS FINE BECAUSE HE CANT HAVE ANY DESIRES OF HIS OWN!!!

But after that, Bob Roth comes in, scans kitty section into writing a contract with him, and threatens to basically just use Luka as a replacement jagged because Jagged’s being too focused on family (which he isn’t but ok)

Blah blah blah, Luka is almost akumatized and Monarch figures out of nowhere that Luka somehow knows the identities of ladybug and chat noir? Like from vague emotions? WHATEVER NOTHING HERE MAKES SENSE, day is saved, contracts are ripped up, and Luka… reveals to Ladybug that he knows who she and Chat Noir are.

Listen. I fucking hated that scene so. much. Luka tells ladybug, and she makes it all about herself (first about how Luka must still be in love with marinette, and then about how awful it is that he knows, cuz it’s not like practically all of Paris knows Alix’ identity and monarch has all the miraculouses and identities of the heroes) and Luka has to comfort her, AGAIN, and Adrien is AGAIN, NEVER INFORMED OF ANY OF THIS UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE OF THIS EPISODE AS A CIVILIAN!!! SO ADD ANOTHER SECRET TO THE PILE OF SECRETS AND LIES THAT THIS BITCH IS CONSTANTLY TOLD, NO WONDER HE IS SCARED OF MARINETTE HIDING SHIT FROM HIM, BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS DID AND ALWAYS WILL TREAT HIM LIKE LESSER THEN!!!

(It’s the way this could have been a genuinely good Lukadrien moment that fleshes out Adrien and Luka’s relationship beyond marinette, and allow Adrien to think about anything outside marinette and reconsider what he wants from a relationship! I will say the fact the show put the entire animation budget of the episode to one look Adrien gives Luka makes me happy)

And the thing is? THERES NO FUCKING REASON FOR LUKA TO LEAVE THE SHOW! The show argues that he needs to leave because Monarch knows he knows who ladybug and chat noir are, BUT ALYA KNOWS WHO LADYBUG IS, MONARCH KNOWS SHE KNOWS, BUT THE SHIW WILL BRUSH THAT ASIDE BECAUSE THEY NEED PEOPLE CONSTANTLY SUPPORTING MARINETTE!

The show is only writing Luka out of the show because he remains a threat to the status quo! He could have easily changed the entire nature of the show if he had a scene with Adrien where they discuss the fact he knows Adrien’s identity, which would turn into a conversation about everything ladybug did and a constant secrets, and force marinette to grow as a person, BUT NOOOOO THAT WOULD IMPLY MARINETTES NOT PERFECT AND ACTUALLY MAKE THE SHOW PROGRESS AND GIVE ADRIEN SOMETHING BEYOND BEING THE LOVE INTEREST TO WORRY ABOUT!!! LETS JUST HAVE LUKA BE FORCED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITH HIS SHIT NEGLECTFUL DAD THAT NEVER PAID CHILD SUPPORT FOR 15 YEARS!!!

(Jagged knows what he did, and I for one don’t forgive the cunt)

It’s so upsetting that the show keeps picking and choosing when to use the identity rule, and it’s only ever to maintain a status quo and have marinette come out on top as the greatest! ITS SHIT WRITING!!!

The only good thing that came out of this episode is the only Lukadrien hug and look from Adrien, and the fact Juleka gets to lead Kitty section now (tho they queerbated us with Julerose, making rose say she loves Juleka, only to quickly list other friends because oh no we can’t have a blunt confirmation in this fucking show can we?)

[borderline-culture-is]

Hi, this is a long ask. I am not diagnosed with anything, but Ive been thinking that I might have bpd. I started self harming at 9 yo, and was given ssri and antipsychotics to treat the symptoms, because i was too young to be diagnosed. Three years ago I moved countries, and I was so stressed that I literally ragequit talking all my medications, because I couldn’t sustain importing it from my country. Follow two horrible years of withdrawal, where I kept having derealization episodes, panic attacks, delusions followed by crying spells that lasted for hours, inability to maintain any relationships at all, I was incredibly angry and abusive to my mother, all that fun stuff. For the first year I refused to get any therapy because I thought they didn’t care about me and didn't want to settle for that, and the second year I was so crushed that if a fucking rock would listen (metaphorically), I would break down to it. Still not getting much support atm because being underage in an unfamiliar system makes it really hard to know what to do.

I only shook out of this state in the beginning of this school year, when my teacher called the cops on me for self-harming. I started working on regulating my emotions, meditating, and just accepting that I am the weird one for feeling this way and learning not to blame or burden other people. I also started noticing that my whole live ive only had FPs, and not a lot of genuine close relationships (I feel like I depend on them for my satisfaction, always feel betrayed for not being closer, but also feeling hesitant to even call them a friend). Before I kinda just assumed that everyone felt the same way, and that I was pathetic for feeling dependent and lonely. I also noticed that I have horrible episodic memory loss, I have to exclusively rely on other people or recorded evidence to shape any perception of my past.

I think, to an extent, my other traits have cancelled out some of my symptoms: I never lashed out or argued with my classmates because I was too scared that they would leave me, so instead I forced myself to act in the most mild way possible; I do have black and white thinking towards new people, but I make myself ignore it because I understand that it is my fault and I am being unreasonable; I never acted impulsively because I was too depressed or too scared to be proactive in any way at all.

My biggest issue with self-diagnosing is that I have never had any traumatic experiences. I come from a caring family, and, although I still blame my mom for feeling unfulfilled and neglected, there isn’t anything my parents really did wrong. She did as much as she could and I feel guilty for resenting her. I don’t remember any of my childhood, but it is completely reasonable to assume that nothing ever happened that would count as traumatic.

My point is, I have already either developed some coping mechanisms, or have come to accept that I will always feel misunderstood and unhappy. Even if I do have some kind of a disorder, I am unsure whether I should even try to get diagnosed in the first place. If I do, this would mean that my whole life is thrown out of the window with a diagnosis like that on my medical chart. It would negatively impact my human rights, my employability, my independence, all those things I really can’t afford to compromise, being an immigrant and trans. But at the same time, I just really want to find out what the hell is wrong with me, to feel understood and to have some support on how to live a normal life.

Yeah I guess the main purpose of this ask is to vent to someone who understands, and to ask for your opinion and advice on whether you think I have a disorder and if I should attempt to get it diagnosed.

--☀️🎣anon

okay. even if you dont think you have any trauma, theres still a lot of factors that could contribute to it. i think its also worth mentioning that you said you cant really remember your childhood, so it does leave some room for trauma that you either may not remember or just might not see as traumatic. and i also think that feeling neglected as a kid could do some damage, even if its unintentional. sometimes parents hurt their kids without realizing, and it doesnt invalidate the way that you feel about it!!

as for diagnosis, i think its okay for you to self-diagnose, as there are a lot of difficulties and struggles that comes with being diagnosed. i think it really depends on whether or not you personally see it as worth all of the potential trouble that it can bring. i do think that your symptoms are valid, and i can see a lot of hem as lining up with BPD. if you're really doubting, i dont think downloading a copy of the DSM-5 would be a bad idea, since it's what professionals usually reference from anyway.

regardless of whether or not you choose to get diagnosed, you and your struggles are valid!!! as someone who has also experienced BPD symptoms since we were young, we definitely feel for you. if you definitely think you are borderline, then i believe you are valid as long as you dont mean any harm, and i am pretty sure that you dont :]. we genuninely wish for the best for you, and we hope that your situation and overall well-being gets better soon 🫶 (/p)

- oliver

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

My review of Hilda season 3

A proper review. One without spoilers. I've been thinking about making this today. I'm still going to not tweet or post a lot; I want to keep my word on that. I'd rather retweet some important stuff. But I want to make a review on the entire season and give out more reasonable thoughts.

Yesterday, after two years of waiting. The third and final season of Hilda finally premiered on Netflix. And I have some stuff to say about this final season. Including as someone who's been following this show for five years.

I'm going to be honest, despite this final season only being shortened to 8 episodes. With 7 regular ones to the finale being legit movie length in a way. And whatever issues I and others may have with it. The final season of Hilda delivers an emotional final chapter for this show. Including this time, focusing more on Hilda's family which also introduces a new character by the name of Great Aunt Astrid.

And what makes this season interesting is that compared to the other seasons and the movie. This is not based upon any books. This is all new territory that surely still surprise a lot of people.

I want to admit something. And again, I am not trying to spoil anything huge. But considering the season is shortened. I was hoping that certain characters would get expanded upon or well, we get to see them one last time before the show ends. Mainly where they are now after the events of The Mountain King. I'm talking about characters like Erik Ahlberg, the Bellkeeper, the Marra and some others.

It's disappointing we don't see more of them. But to be honest, in exchange for that, we get a final season focuses more on the two characters I consider the heart of the show. And that's Hilda and Johanna, who is also possibly in her biggest role in the show yet considering she gets a lot more focus this time around. And to be honest, with how the story goes throughout the season. I actually prefer that much more than whatever else.

Would I have liked it if they did 13 episodes again? I wouldn't mind. But I still loved what we got. And honestly, I think some people are merely disappointed that this season, we get answers to some things to stuff people didn't want answered. But to me, I try to keep my expectations in check, and I rather see what the writers want to showcase to us. And honestly, the fans like me can explore some "Loose ends" in our own stories. And to be honest, it's not like this stuff is eating away at us. The Mountain King felt like a fitting closure to the show. But I'm so glad season 3 exists because of what it decides to explore and ending the show on such a beautiful note.

All the actors do a fantastic job as always. Such as Bella Ramsey, Daisy Haggard and everyone else. Especially with the time skip they decided to do. Having these characters grow up a little bit to me is a good decision. To showcase these characters are still growing. Yes, I'm one of the people who didn't mind Hilda growing a few more inches.

The show still has its very funny moments. But what was surprising about season 3 is how well...this is possibly the darkest the show has gotten. And somehow the scariest. Which may sound really stupid. But I swear to God as the show goes on. With the unraveling mystery about these "Two hooded" figures. There are times I legit worried for these characters.

I even felt like there was a contrast in tone between chapters 1 and 2. With chapter 1 feeling like a fantastical return to this world I've loved watching. And chapter 2 I swear, I feel like I'm watching something akin to Silent Hill. Which sounds like a very stupid comparison. And then there's chapter 6 where I am scared for these characters I have cared about for so long. It really says a lot even in a show like this, and the fact this isn't based upon any existing material. It gives you a feeling when you've grown attach to these characters and seeing them in some of these situations. Whether harmless or not.

I swear, I felt uneasy during certain moments. Because I now understand a certain friend of mine and whoever else. I just felt even more genuinely worried for these characters. In fact, there is a scene that I told my best friend RySenkari, "I HATE THAT F***IN SCENE!" not because it was bad or anything. But because let's say my...the show really tugged at my heartstrings or something. Because there was no way they were going to do that, you don't do that to me.

In a funny yet sick way of looking at it. I think I went through my "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good." moment because again, I hate that scene in the finale.

Yet that also grows into how far these characters have grown since the first season. How much they have changed since we first met them. And it's a beautiful thing when see them succeed.

The soundtrack by I think it's still Ryan Carlson is still powerful as always. That I want this soundtrack to be released on YT and Amazon Music soon. It's likely the best the score for this show has ever been. Also, the main theme by Grimes is beautiful as always.

Also, I've been wondering about changing my header/background images again. The ones you see on my Tumblr and Twitter accounts. I'll even do the same for my PlayStation profile's background.

The animation is fantastic as always. The scenery is beautiful as always. I feel like I have nothing else much to say. But it's merely me just loving this season. Yet compared to the earlier ones, I feel...hesitant to rewatch it. Again, this may sound stupid. This is the tensest the show has been. And the writers somehow made this more intense than some things they pulled in season 2 and The Mountain King. Those mad geniuses. And this is a show that's geared towards kid but everyone in general. That speaks volumes of how good the writers are.

And while there were some reveals that I feel little bothered by. But I still liked what they delivered. Again, that finale...that finale is something.

Again, despite it being only 8 episodes. Season 3 is pretty an emotional final journey for the fans of this show. A humorous, yet pretty scary at times adventure that pretty much makes you cry over these characters if you've become attached to them. It had that effect on that. I talked about my reaction. I'll admit, I do think maybe my...Autism might've had an effect of how I reacted. It likely did, but I'm not going to bring that up again. It's something I just wanted to mention.

I'm wondering if I should say anything else. But I want to be done with this review. I don't think I have nothing else to add other than the fact if you've haven't watched Hilda yet. I highly recommend watching seasons 1, 2, The Mountain King and season 3 right now. If you have time that is. December is the perfect time to watch this show. I talked about how this show feels kind of perfect to watch it during this time of year. I assure you; you will not be disappointed. And hopefully, if you've read my reaction to season 3, you'll understand how I felt.

And especially with how stressful the last few weeks have been. Watching Hilda again is always a great thing. I'm still not leaving this fandom. I will always love this show. But right now, I'm going to take it easy a bit. I'm not going to post a lot, make any manips and whatever else. I'm going to try to relax a bit. It's weird this time around I have a job now in the morning and I couldn't or well...I didn't want to lay in bed after I finished the show. I stood up all night after finishing it. Luckily, I took a 5-hour nap before that.

Again, thank you Luke Pearson and everyone who has worked on bringing this beautiful show to life. I'll never forget this. I'm always going to cherish what you all made. You made me and others so happy with what you've made.

[noxiatoxia]

hi i wrote this like bulletpoints bc im not making this an essay. tldr youre kinda right but kinda wrong and this isnt new but kaorus issues DO get resolved we just dont really see him say "hey!! my issues are resolved :)) ". he lives through the things he was anxious about and survives so we can see it gets resolved. just in a shitty way.

ep 16/karuizawa arc> kaoru tries to help hikaru and himself to have their own individuality by experiencing different types of relationships and increasing their emotional maturity

ep 21> kaoru describes the cindrella metaphor. the dynamics in the club are the carriage. (haruhi/tamaki as daughter/father noted)

>tamaki is the one leading the carriage, aka the dynamics. hes the "leader" in a sense.

>once tamaki realizes he likes haruhi, they wont be platonic like a father/daughter anymore aka->

>the dynamic is gonna change

>hikaru also likes haruhi

>in this situation, hikaru might care a lot about haruhi and might not take this well especially after "replacing kaoru" (i assumed this is how kaoru feels bc hes later relieved when hikarus w haruhi and he still seeks out kaoru to make sure he's ok)

>this complete dynamic change is going to seperate the host club

>but hikaru seeks him out first after haruhi and hikaru are trapped

>he is sure that the dynamic issues and a group break will happen when the dynamic between haruhi and tamaki change and time passes by (whichever comes first) but so long as he's hikarus first choice he's fine with it

>kaoru assumes tamaki creates a family scenario so everything can be platonic as long as possible, but is shocked to see that tamaki wasnt willingly doing this he was just fucking stupid

>this creates a crack in kaorus way of thinking, his ~deep~ theory is just a conspiracy (that he made up due to anxiety but he doesnt realise it yet)

>hani say "kao and kyo are as oblivious as tamaki" implying that they trust the host club to stay together in face of struggle

ep 25

>the host club is facing the struggles kaoru was scared of and in a sudden, unprepared way. tamaki is leaving (might leave and then leaves), kyoya's family suddenly seems disappointed aka he might pull away from the club entirely, in the end theres a lot of changes in the club. they lose hani and mori first in the battle (graduated), then kyoya isnt coming (pulling out for future plans/family pressure), they are running after tamaki as a trio when hikaru gets hurt.

>in the pumpkin patch when doubt is highest and they are thinking about how this is surely the end, we see haruhis flashback to her dad about not hesitating when the time is right. even though she doesnt have the need to continue, she still does because she /wants/ to. AND she succeeds. this would show kaoru that there is no "spell" or some uncontrollable event that would lead to the end of their friendship, and that he can keep it alive just by working on it

>the fact that the show ended the way it did (with tamaharu happening TO keep the dynamics alive + all members working their hardest just to keep it all going) wouldve been enough to curb kaorus worries because it was physical proof that even when the things that he feared happened the group didnt fall apart and even got stronger

>so he lives through his fears becoming true and it gets resolved symbolically. obv i would want there to be a 40 min episode where kaoru goes to theraphy and resolves his issues including the incest kink but the last few episodes were rushed as fuck

Hi! Never disagree with me about the carriage ever again I'm going to fucking kill you. (<- this is a joke i am joking im not mad at u u are my friend)

I've talked about this before -- about what the last episode symbolizes in terms of the carriage allegory. But it was an old post so many people probably haven't seen it.

To showcase why I disagree we need to first realize what the carriage allegory actually stands for.

In short, the carriage is the anime's way of implementing Kaoru's depression arc from the manga. If you're unaware of that, the tl;dr is very similar to episode 21 just without Cinderella metaphors. Scared Hikaru will leave him, scared he'll lose his friends, etc. Except in the manga, Hikaru and Kaoru actually talk about this, culminating in Hikaru dyeing his hair but reassuring Kaoru they'll always be together.

In my mind, the carriage is obviously a stand-in for this. But... It's also trying to serve to be a plot device to set up the end of the show.

My guess is the creators probably thought Ouran would get a 2nd season but it didn't get greenlit, so they had to wrap things up very suddenly, which is why the ending feels as rushed as it does. This is just a theory though.

The carriage, as it is presented in episode 21, clearly is setting up a major plot point: the dissolve of the host club. And since we as an audience are lead to believe Kaoru's word is to be believed, we're also like "oh, shit, is the host club gonna fall apart?"

cuz keep in mind, through this episode and episode 16, the show presents Kaoru in such a way that makes him seem "smart" and "wise" and that his ideas hold some sort of weight to them.

So, to recap, the carriage allegory in the anime is two things: 1, a character-driven arc about Kaoru's fears and 2, a plot device to set up the ending of the show.

This is where the "resolved" thing gets tricky.

The carriage is resolved on a plot-level. By the carriage hikaru, kaoru, and haruhi were one falling into the pumpkin patch, yet still saving tamaki in the end, shows that even though the "spell" ended, they still managed to get their happy ending. The club did not fall apart.

But, keep in mind, Kaoru's side of this equation -- about the fears of growing up, drifting apart, being different from his brother -- are not touched on.

To say it was resolved because of the pumpkin patch thing I think is just...wrong. At best it's incredibly lazy writing.

Tamaki & Kyoya had character-driven arcs, too. Ones that were presented throughout the whole show. And those actually got resolved in the final episodes. Yes, they were still open-ended endings, but they were acknowledged. That's what I'm pissed off about when it comes to the carriage. It doesn't get fucking acknowledged ever again. Not even a little bit. The best we get is symbolism that only, as I said, solves one half of the puzzle at best.

for further reading here's this post and this post.

[noonmutter]

my brain is an annoying little douchebag that tries way too hard to convince me that I should just keep doing something I hate that is making me miserable because it might--not will, not does, but might--inconvenience other people, particularly my coworkers

starting a 50/50 remote version of my job sounded great in March, but then the last six months reminded me that they still have a shitload of fallout to contend with

as a reminder, since November, this household has had

two car accidents

a family death

an illness that had me friggin hallucinating

a charity event I was really excited about getting yanked out from under me

witnessing another super bad car accident what the fuck that taught me that I am now mildly triggered by the smell of air bag deployment,

other guy's car insurance ghosting us the entire fucking time

my eldest cat getting so sick that we were scared he was going to vomit himself to death

the plumbing for the entire house backing up

probably some other shit I can't remember right now. I made a list but I'm too burnt out to pull it up

and yet here I am, trying to learn new processes and figure out a new internal hierarchy and change my schedule and drive less and not have to work weekends anymore but that means I also don't have a weekday free which is really fuckin problematic when I have to keep talking to doctors, insurance companies, and billing companies at the drop of a goddamn hat

and then I finally get to take a few days off, which I scheduled at the beginning of the year, my first actual vacation since January (where, as a reminder, I was violently sick the entire time), and I realize just how much stress I was getting rid of while not working...

fuck me. I'm so mad. I used to be a machine. and it's bad that I was. but I'm still mad that I can't be anymore. I didn't get to freely choose to stop pushing myself too damn hard, and that's bullshit

I'm so fucking angry at that asshole who nearly killed us, all over again, and my emotions in general are wierd and spiky all the time (relatively speaking, I guess. I don't have manic episodes but I definitely have distinct up and down periods that even I'm noticing). and I need to not be doing the remote job anymore. It's been a little over a month of that and feeling like I'm doing two jobs is. not helping.

don't be a shitty driver, kids. even if you don't kill anybody, it sucks. I wasn't even a driver at all in my accident, I was a passenger, and the other driver was the shitty driver, and my spouse and I almost died because of them, and the almost-dying is the least agonizing part when all is said and done. the hospital was at least attentive and polite.

Iunno I just needed to rant. I'm angry about a ton of shit that I can do virtually nothing about and I have nowhere to put it except harmlessly in text where it won't get me fired. probably.

[nevwornxiety]

Am i the only one who is getting the feels watching Jun and Haesung together in these 2 new episodes 🥰

What i like from these episodes are:

I really like how the director finally shows more dynamic between the two.

On my previous post, I mentioned about Jun on how he is not having any emotional baggage and I hope to see more of his character development. It turns out that he has some commitment issues and he feels co - dependent towards the people he's close with (Shim siblings)

Based on the latest episodes, seems like his family dynamic and his parent's relationship makes him less interested in building family life together with someone. Added with the fact that he grew up with Shim siblings together and he knew all their hardships. Who knows maybe he's had his heart broken before?

Meanwhile Haesung still believes in things like happy ending. But she always attracts the wrong guy and based on the previous diss from Jun in previous episodes ( where they met at the restaurant with the lead), Haesung is also attracted with bad boys and the boys who seem to readily give her all the attention she craves.

I like the fact that the youngest brother noticed Jun and Haesung's relationship instead of his and Woojo. Probably he has already thought if both of them kissing and that is why he said "i would not even care if you both kissing"

I wished we could have more interaction between Haesung and his parents. Perhaps in the next episode, she could at least help to repair their relationship?

Seems like when Haesung and the father cleared their throat, probably Haesung will be closer to his father instead of Mom?

Mom might be wary of Haesung especially since she supposedly treats Jun as her precious son. She said about wearing Yellow is not good maybe because she views Haesung as a bright person to Jun (different from Woojo and his family dynamic) and when she said see you again , she expects to see her more. Even though Mom finds out that Jun lied about his relationship with Haesung.

Jun's Mom represents all the viewers feeling who are confused about his feeling for Woojo or Haesung. But it goes to show that he cares for both girls with the intent of having different purpose (one cares as a friend and one cares the other as a girl). Jun explains in the episode to his Mom that he cares for Haesung despite his brashness towards her

I think that when Jun asked her for a drink after their family lunch, is when she knew that Jun needs alone time the most. Since she is an empath, she decides not to accept the call from the security guy because she knows that Jun needs someone to talk to. So she gladly hears his thought.

I feel bad at Haesung, she knows that she used the security guy as the rebound to forget her ex. She remembers Jun's word to about being more transparent with her feeling and emotion. She really tries to make the relationship work despite incompatibility. She starts being honest about her mental health and the prescribed medicine she took.  However since the guy seems immature and does not know much about mental health, he just casually acts as if its nothing. Meanwhile, this scene could be a key point of both Jun and Haesung's relationship. Because shit gets real now when Jun hugs Haesung back and feels her sadness.

His reaction on Ep 10 is different from the one had in the first episode where he accompanied Haesung to the karaoke and sing her heart out. Sure, he feels protective - but at that moment , it just feels like " Again? Crying about guys? Okay then, I will accompany you since your sister is nowhere to be found" . On the other hand, This time I think that this is where Jun is scared and pained when he saw Haesung crying. Because it just feels different, its not just a normal heartbreak. Even Haesung's cried is different. Seems like Haesung never hugs him/ rarely hugs him so if it happens the situation might be serious

So far I think that one who has a feeling first is Jun. Because Haesung seems not realizing her feeling. Sure she cares for him and thinks he is handsome, but its not to the point where she has a deep feeling for him. She cares about him because Jun is always there for her.

[soft--dragon]

Okay I am genuinely filled with so many thoughts and emotions from the new episode of the Bad Batch so I wanna list some predictions for the upcoming episodes

spoilers for the most recent one of course <3

Prediction One: We know from episode 11 that Omega will most likely become a target, captured, and probably tortured/threatened to convince Nala Se to work for the Empire. I have a feeling she's going to be brought to the same place Crosshair is currently being held, and the two of them will end up in a cell together. Crosshair is extremely disorientated due to the (implied) experimentation he's been put through. Omega is wary of him, but is also worried due to Crosshair's shaken demeanour after the emotional whiplash he's been through. The two end up talking about things, and upon hearing about Crosshair's ordeal on the Outpost, Omega gives him a hug and Crosshair finally breaks down because this is the first positive contact he's had in months. During their imprisonment, Crosshair and Omega get taken for experimentation/torture, and Crosshair tries to protect Omega from being taken every time. This leads to him getting hurt a lot more and often given a drug that makes his sickly state worse, but he's going to do whatever he can to protect his little sister from these monsters. The Bad Batch team up with Rex and Echo to find their kid, and they locate Omega and Crosshair together in the cell on the Imperial base. Crosshair instantly shields her from the Batch, practically hissing as he tries to keep her safe from the threat his drugged mind is seeing. Omega is fast to reassure Crosshair and rushes to hug his other brothers, begging them to help the sniper who is practically on deaths door from the constant experimentation and drugging the Empire has put him through. The Bad Batch take their brother and Omega back with them, and Crosshair finally gets to go home

Prediction Two: The scientist is going to attempt to make Crosshair similar to that assassin clone we saw in episodes 7 & 8. He'll be put through more mental manipulation and in turn would be forced to be another puppet for the Empire to use against the Bad Batch. I am a firm believer that Crosshair still has his inhibiter chip, and the added mental strain from the scientist's experiments makes his psyche start to act out. He sees things that aren't there, he has severe headaches, and his thoughts blur together between "Obey the Empire" and "Betray the Empire". This leads to him having a massive mental spiral that leaves him broken and crying for his family to save him. (Episode 14 is called, "Tipping Point" so my ideas are stemming from that.) Crosshair's delirious state is how the Bad Batch find him; strapped down to a experimentation table and practically whimpering like a wounded animal while a cruel scientist continues to exploit his fractured mental state. Like the first prediction, they'd rescue him from that imperial base, and take him to where Rex and Echo are to remove the chip. (We've had a leaked image of Omega hugging Echo again, so it's confirmed they're gonna reunite at some point) They get Crosshair's chip removed and the sniper is experiencing severe signs of PTSD and is struggling to trust his brothers again, but at the same time he's so scared of being left alone again and doesn't want them to go. The Batch are all horrified of what the Empire has done to Crosshair, and are even more horrified with themselves that they let themselves believe that Crosshair wasn't still chipped. Expecting a lot of whump, angst and apologies here

Predication Three: Following the idea of the first predication where Crosshair and Omega end up in the same cell in the same base, instead Crosshair tries to escape with Omega without the Batch's help. They make it pretty far, getting to the landing bay before they're surrounded again, the squadron preparing to open fire. This is where the Bad Batch and the other freed clones ambush the base with gunships and blasters, intent on finding Omega and destroying all the copies of the Zillo Beast. Crosshair grabs Omega and runs with her to find cover, letting the others fight the imperials. When the landing zone is secured, Crosshair and Omega come out to find the Bad Batch. Expectedly, the boys are not trusting Crosshair all too much, but they are concerned from how many needle pricks there are on his neck, his almost sickly appearance and much skinnier frame. Omega tells them that Crosshair was helping her get out of the base, and it extends a very shaky olive branch to the other batchers. Crosshair wants in on the plan to blow up the base and the Zillo beasts inside, and this is where we finally get to see the entire Bad Batch fighting alongside each other; Hunter, Tech, Wrecker, Crosshair, Echo and Omega are all seamlessly taking down their enemies. This is the episode called Plan 99, with the entirety of Clone Force 99 kicking ass and taking names. Not sure how this episode would end but I think the finale is gonna have them all fighting together.

Those are my current thoughts for the upcoming episodes, and you can see the angst train is going as fast a as bullet. I do not trust Dave Filoni with my babies, he's gonna end up hurting them more /srs /lh

If anyone has any predictions feel free to add them onto this!! I'd love to hear how you guys are thinking the upcoming episodes will play out

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e17 the british invasion (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

trying to reserve judgement but 30 seconds in a flipped back to football when i tried this yesterday. let me count the ways i do not care about bmol backstory. glad to see eileen again

are you fucking kidding me. children have to battle to the death at the fancy magic school. quite possibly the least believable premise for traumatic backstory starter they could have thrown out there

sam really leaning into dean's space there lol

so american mol were just this chill little group of dorky researchers but british mol are this child crushing machine to churn out good little soldiers? mommy's blunt little instruments?

DR HESS Then let me make it blisteringly simple. We don't have time to court a handful of mangy Colonials. Not anymore. So either Sam and Dean and the rest of their ill-bred lot learn to obey, or you turn them over to Mr. Ketch... and start fresh. MICK Look, I don't think... DR HESS This is not a discussion. It's an order. Are you hearing me, Michael? Assimilate or eliminate.

this is so.... ridiculous. cliche, out of left field. really not gonna beat the "we're out of ideas" rap. speaking of, was trying to explain this season's plotlines to my friend and had the sudden brainwave of OF COURSE i know who the product of the lucifer kelly KLINE union is. typing out the name had me 🤦lol

SAM Hey, you talk to Mom lately? MICK Oh, shouldn't worry about your mum. Her and Ketch make quite the team. DEAN Would you want your mom working with him? MICK Well, I can't say. I never really knew my mum. Or my dad. I was on the streets till the Men of Letters found me.

oh a street urchin too! *adds to the pile*

WHY ARE YOU LICKING THE FLOOR'S PUSSY LIKE THAT I AM SO DISTRESSED. the licking was enough to make me cover the screen but the moaning i wasn't expecting 😭 dear lord. ace thing/me thing but my faves doing sex scenes weirds me out and this might have been worse lol way too much like actual sex

LUCIFER I figured out the rules of the house, and…well, all things considered, think I'd rather be here than rotting in the Cage with my drooling, insane – and not in a fun way – little bro Michael.

how did he manage to break michael? i'll be generous and assume it's a lie along with the whole "you win" business

so is mary humanizing mr ketchup or gonna fuck him or what

CROWLEY My loyal…ish subjects, these troubled times, I'm aware there might be some confusion as to where you're supposed to place your loyalty. Even with Lucifer back in the Cage, there are those of you who would try to help him… because he scares you or engorges you.

ew :p

i don't think even mark pellegrino can save this tired little game we're playing again

padalecki, please, no with the bad accent

very pretty lighting and backdrop

eileen accidentally killing sniveling bootheel of the machine so mick can overcome some childhood murderous brainwashing? and set up conflict with the mothership?

(yes to the fucking mr ketchup and she's gonna Have It All *beanie toss*)

ok.

(script)

wasn't sure if that was swoony over the flirting or freaked out, so i guess it was supposed to be swoony

his plotline is frustrating me but goddamn pellegrino is so good at making lucifer genuinely, distressingly creepy

ah so the plot conflict with bmol and an emotional beat for eileen. twofer

does the flirtation business ever go anywhere with eileen? i will admit that ellen eileen jody donna all kind of blur in my head from what i've read in fic (side characters that generally aren't involved in what i'm reading except very briefly that may have a familial-ish relationship with the boys, as i might them in the show i have small oh moments)

(oh the actress who plays dagon, ali ahn, was in 27 out of 36 episodes of the path, which i briefly tried to watch because hugh dancy is in it but it was a little too topical for my tolerance at the moment)

DR HESS These Hunters are out of control. The brothers Winchester, in particular, which Lady Bevell has exhaustively documented.

so fancy, brothers winchester. the whole moral high ground lady this is trying to sell is so fucking dumb because yeah forcing children to murder each other, they're totally better than the monsters! pick something else, writers, because this is just asinine

redemption arc for mick complete, time to shuffle him off this mortal coil ofc

DR HESS The grand experiment recruiting American Hunters has failed. Utterly. KETCH Mm. What would you like me to do? DR HESS Exterminate them. Every...last...one.

comically bad. where's your pet cat and eye patch

look they keep trying to reach cas and nothing, because cas decided to pop off to heaven and not tell them. le sigh!

[abbyholmes]

Ok. I saw THE episode.

Whoa.

Best episode of the Season so far. Maybe one of the show’s overall best. What I loved:

- The way Buck is once again amazing at calming down two scared children. I mean I‘m not a parent-y Person, but that man is so Dad-shaped it melts my heart.

- May and Athena undercover!!! I was LIVING for May‘s sarcastic addict performance. She clearly has her mom‘s investigation-genes. And I love that they are supporting Bobby in investigating his sponsor‘s death.

- I still hate the Buckley Parents but I do like that there is some kind of progress. Don‘t get me wrong I think cutting ties with bad parents is totally legit and I hope Maddie and Buck always Keep them at an arm‘s lenght. But I do like that there seems to be some kind of healing going on and I hope it will bring Maddie and Buck more peace of mind in the long run. (Bobby and Athena are still Buck‘s parents and the 118 is his found family, Zero doubts there.)

- Albert being back!!! Even though I wish he hadn‘t brought his dad. But maybe it will be good for Chim to finally tell his father how angry and hurt he really is.

- Buck‘s smile after his conversation with Maddie on a world where Daniel hadn‘t died. It was so short and yet had so many layers. Buck looks so content in this moment. As if, yes, life isn‘t perfect and his biological family is Even further from perfect, but he has Maddie and Chim and his niece and his 118 family and life is good anyway. Idk the smile did something to my heart.

- Mom-Hen. I just like her. And I hope Danny comes clean about his Dad soon and they can find a good patchwork solution that works for everyone and makes Danny feel happy, loved and protected.

- Hen saying That Karen Lobes surprises but the definitely does not. (Same, Hen. Same.)

- Athena worrying about Bobby. I just love those two so much.

- Buck offering to listen to Bobby and really actively being there for him. It is just the essence of Buck and I‘m so here for it.

- THE. CHILLI. CONVERSATION. I mean…it had me smirk with tears in my eyes. Peak Television. They are father and son, your honor. (And I prefer to put very dark chocolate in my Chilli instead of coacoa powder. But you do you, Bobby.)

- The way the pregnant Woman on the Uber was hilarious before the Crash. I love me some light-Heartedness in the darkness.

-And then: All the foreshadowing in the episode. Buck going up instead of Chimney. ‚Go get them, Cowboy‘. ‚What is that?‘ (A THUNDERSTORM, you adorable dumbass), THE SILENCE After Buck gets hit by lightning. Eddie struggling back to his feet. Buck dangling up there. The disbelief on everyone‘s faces. Eddie screaming Buck‘s name in growing desperation. ‚Come here, kid‘, Chimney forgetting Medical facts because this is Buck and Buck can‘t be in cardiac Arrest, ‚Eddie, You’re driving‘, Eddie’s desperate ‚Talk to me, Buck!‘ (IS THIS ANOTHER TOP GUN REFERENCE After ‚you can have my back anyday- or you know, you could have mine’? Is this a ‚Talk to me, Goose‘?!? I HAVE QUESTIONS), the immense shooting / Eddie trapped Below the ground Parallels!!!

- Stellar Performances all around!

This Episode has WRECKED me. My Heart hurt so much for Buck and for all of them. I am seriously worried for Bobby. It‘s going to be so difficult for him. A Part of me hopes That there might be some Buddie-Realization on the Horizon for both Eddie and Buck. (I love them both as bffs and as a ship and I think both interpretations are equally valid even though I would prefer a Potential bisexual slowburn on a popular Show actually becoming canon).

I am excited to See how Eddie will Deal with his emotions. How the Team, Maddie and Athena will Support each other through this. Who will sit watch at Buck‘s side. What Cheistopher will say. If Eddie will Talk to Coma-Buck and be angry with hin for Not Waking up. What Coma-Buck will experience. It‘s…the storyline is so sad and so intriguing and has so many layers. 911 did it again and I love it.

I‘m so glad Fox already gave us some pictures of Oliver still being on Set. I would have seriously worried if they are going to kill Buck otherwise.

[hoobins]

O O F

Ok so I finally have some time to actually make the post I’ve been trying to make I had to make the impulse choice of coming back in the middle of the exams because I have no self control what so ever 

Strap in, it’s going to be a long-sh ride post

So yeah I am back here :D not even because of the twitter mess (but can’t lie that I am there as well), hi hi and hello kiddos So, where have I been?

As some of you may know I had a major burnout, meltdown and depressive episode, I literally shutted down for years because I couldn’t do anything, my drawings were terrible, my mind was worse, I was falling into downwards spirals, thankfully I didn’t do anything bad, but I was scared and worst of all I tought that the best way to deal with it was to isolate myself. 

And it helped, sorta, but not really, I wasn’t even talking to irl friends, barrely spoke to familiar faces, friendly people becuase I had this (and still am sorting this idea out) that I had to deal with all my problems alone, that I couldn’t rely on even talking to people about the stuff I was dealing with, because, well, bad habit I had most of my life. I was always pretty dumb when it came to that... Am trying to do better

In that time I didn’t drew, didn’t create anything at all, was scared to even take a pen and try and make a silly little doodle, too afraid I was going to go back and ... be happy? The brain is wierd when it comes to this.

This changed around a year ago, when I maneged to get out of the house, am now living in a new place away from my family, that, while aren’t bad people, they are pretty toxic to me, we are just too different in principle, I still talk to them and go visit on vacations, but even they know that my mental health is better when I am away, and that’s coming from parents that would NEVER admit that out loud (mother in special) I am still mostly closed off to them, but the space helped me, and I slowly was trying to take a step at the time, still afraid to hold a pencil and do what really makes me the happiest, still, I was at least trying to see stuff, trying to watch things I like, trying to dare a little more, but I was too closed off to those around me, never knowing what to do, say, interact, awkward but hey, I was never around people like me in real life, literally didn’t knew anyone.

Slowly but surely I was going to thing, having my fun again, working on AUs of fandoms, making ocs for said fandom, still too scared to drawing, but that was the first drop, still too scared to come back, too scared of making it official.

It was a small ride on that, maybe half a year, when things really happened was because of one small morbid thing that made me realise that I wanted to draw, and I took the step to that, scared but at that point, I had nothing to loose anymore, I was taking more risks with it, at the time I was talkig to a friend that also gave me the advice to be a little more reckless.

And so I did, and was a rush for me, to come back to everything, to remember the joy, I was overhelmed and then I kept going and well

I am here now, making stuff, and will post stuff right after too, because I missed this, I missed here and I missed being a part of me, even if it hurts again, is what I know I love to do, and to know that people still remember me and open their arms to welcome me back I just ... It’s unbelievable to me on a certain way, I can’t even begin to describe the joy that is to see you all and to be here again.

I hope things go well, I hope things go better, and I hope that I don’t leave this time, even if I am sad, angry, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, and every other emotion that comes with it.

Thank you all for everything and I can only hope I will do the same to you guys

[purposelynana]

What Did I Watch: #33

This week, I watched it scrambled like a fucking egg. Happy Eid btw. International dates for Eras Tour is out. I'm dead.

Perhaps I'm too used with people in their 20's acted like they were in their 30's and it was total cringe-fest. Or people in their 30's tried to convince me they were still college students. (Yeah you see where this is going). I don't know about Thailand entertainment industry but one thing, somehow they just don't have fucking clue how to cast someone. But at least from casting division I could really tell, people behind Step By Step were in fact adults with working jobs. Not some kind of teenager getting paid for making fan fiction in visual media.

I came to an understanding that Step By Step will be slow as fuck. I think this was a deliberate move by Tee Bundit. Because you deal with a potential HR violation in which could turn into catastrophic effect to both Pat and Jeng's career. You just can't make them kiss by episode 5 and called it done. But this brought new potential disaster that I didn't see it coming in the first 8 episode. Clearly this show doesn't have a seasoned editor and most importantly, but rarely people mention it, a script supervisor.

Because it has unclear timeline, jumpy transitions between scenes, and weird storylines that didn't push the narrative. It felt like it has so many great scattered ideas but not one conjoined constructive story.

In the article above, it explained that script supervisor responsible to maintain the continuity of its script. There were just too many continuity errors and it's such a pity because it already has the idea and goal, yet the journey seemed taking us to too many places.

I could go on and on about how not having a script supervisor could potentially ruining a series. But Step by Step is not finish yet and fucking let's hope it could stick the landing. It's going to have a rough landing but fingers crossed. (I just saw the preview for ep 12, it is a rough landing indeed. Prove me wrong universe.)

Oh god this little show. What a gem.

I have so much heart and love for Our Dining Table. If this was person, I'm going to hug them until I'm shattered to pieces.

It was hard to be an adult, lonely as fuck, having family but not really felt their presence. I have so much love for this show and yet it doesn't feel enough.

I'm almost 30, and yes I'm fucking tired to just watch myself never get to be represented correctly. A lot of these actors are on the same age as me and yet the story seemed never going anywhere. High school students, college students, barely office romances, and damn even I couldn't even get period dramas without having to deal with censorship (dammit China). When you got older, you resent everything, you became critical with everything. Even I'm no longer consider My School President is that good after I praised it earlier this year. In the end, series that I deemed good is the one that I felt so much connection to it. My emotional investment has to be in all time high. Like what I felt towards this.

The scene that breaks me into million pieces. You just need one person to tell you, you have done enough.

Lastly, I want to talk La Pluie. I don't know where this show's going. I'm scared. Because it could turned out to be great or it could end up like anything else, standard. The whole shenanigans about soulmates, love and everything in between got me thinking. Soulmates is definitely, most certainly, not fate. It's constantly changing, depends on your situation, your willingness, and your effort.

The characters in here, they were learning that they couldn't treat soulmates as if it were fate. As if it something already defined by God.

It is not. So I could understand Lomfon weird reaction on his newfound illness. Because he heard Tai's voice during rain, Tai must be (undoubtedly) his soulmate. Dude sounded like a kid, who wants to know reasons behind everything. Somehow I could sympathize him a little bit more, if the actor knew how to enhance his emotions. It wasn't bad acting, but yeah it kinda dull time to time, to the point I was out when he's in the screen. But yeah it's pulp, what can I expect? People acted like their life depend on it?