#but i am just so sick of it!

[therealsinnohdawn]

in the case of house 2x02

little girl: i’m dying. i’m nine and i’ll never experience romance or be kissed.

i had my first real kiss in my mid-20s. i was so so convinced that i was just broken somehow. i’m not on the aro/ace spectrum, i wanted it so badly. was i ugly? did everyone secretly hate me? how can everyone else be so good at this and i’m so bad? 

i have an anxiety disorder. i’ve never been hospitalized or had any real near-death experiences, but i’ve always been afraid. not of death, not really. but afraid that i’d die before i ever got to experience what everyone else seems to. if i had had some kind of terminal illness, that’s what ultimately would be the most upsetting to me. 

so maybe it’s just because i relate to the patient that i feel this way. but i cannot see what chase did as anything other than a man trying to comfort a dying girl. obviously it wasn’t any kind of fetish for him! obviously he wasn’t getting anything out of it! he tried to convince her not to give up. but he knew that ultimately, she might die, and she’d die feeling rejected and unloved and unhappy. she’s fucking 9. 

here’s the thing about fiction. if something like this happened in real life it would be very very sus. but in fiction, we have the benefit of knowing the character’s real motives and thoughts. why would it be creepy in real life? because that’s a grown man kissing a child, probably a p***phile. but we viewers are omniscient. we can see chase’s trepidation. we know his entire history, and also his future. nothing that happens or will happen in the show suggests that he gets off on kissing children. we see no indication that he poses any danger. what do we see? we see that he cares for patients, we see that he weighs risks, we see that he makes calculations. he decided that giving this poor, sad girl a moment of happiness, possibly the last one she will ever have, was worth the side-eyes he might get if he were found out. and he did, and he did try to defend himself. that doesn’t imply guilt, it implies that he does care about their view of him. but he cared about the patient more. 

everyone hates on chase because of this. there are actual, legit reasons to hate chase, real character flaws that can’t be justified. his fatphobia early in the series, his level of calculation and manipulation to rival house’s, the excuses he made to stay with cameron, how much he loses his brain when he’s trying to flirt with someone new. but “a dying child was sad that she’d never experience kissing a cute boy, so he kissed her on the lips for 3 seconds rather than rejecting her to save face”? nah fam.

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[egophiliac]

this is the moment that broke me

[modharvest]

What the hell did I do to you?

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[super-nova5045]

its always “we should beat up and kill rapists and abusers!” but the moment someone actually does you all turn on them

[xxplastic-cubexx]

[right to left]

finally finished This Wip from Ever ago and so now i ask you ever look into another dudes eyes and suddenly want to do whatever he wants

[angry-kid-with-no-money]

"Nora doesn't know anything about the things she writes about" "aftg is terrible queer rep" "the queer characters in aftg are so problematic"

Idk guys maybe the book series abt problematic ppl set in 2006 and written in the mid 2010s shouldn't be expected to hold up against scrutiny of what we consider to be moral and correct now, in 2024

Idk tho, idk

[potassiumprincess]

i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes

[hrokkall]

ULTRATOBER /// FIRST: FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK

[crybaby-bkg]

oh my god. bratty, spoiled rotten omega gojo that everyone automatically assumes is an alpha because duh just look at him. everything about him exudes so much power and strength despite his usual relaxed and playful nature. it’s how he gets away with it, but you don’t fall so easily for his tricks and manipulations.

he’s a greedy little thing, too. always clawing at you whenever his heat rears its ugly head, demanding and pouty when you don’t give him every single thing that he craves that very second. promises to open himself up for you so nicely, but all he does is lounge on his back like some big house cat, milky thighs spread, his hole slick and leaking, his grin lazy. he carelessly lifts a shoulder, blames it on the hormones making him so weak and tired, you’ll do all the work for him, right? since you’re such a good alpha? you’ll spoil him the way he deserves, right?

[lazylittledragon]

hey idk which anxious pre-t babe needs to hear this but i didn't get to when i was younger so. testosterone will not make you ugly. it won't make you a horrible person. it won't 'mutilate' or ruin your body. if you want to go on testosterone then literally all that happens is it makes you really fucking hot and REALLY fucking happy.

[rapidhighway]

extremely happy to have enough blender skill now to make this shit

[gomzdrawfr]

not the only one who bites

bonus bcuz i like the last frame:

[iliothermia]