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magicalbats · 1 year ago

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We Turn Not Older: Neuvillette

Rating: R-18+

Word Count: 5402

Warnings: Afab!reader, some gendered language, blowjob, deep throating, breath play

A/N: Alright, so I'm technically late on this but I finished it and by god am I going to post it. I had this crazy idea that I was going to write a little something for most of the character birthdays going into 2024 (minus the obvious ones like Diona and Klee, duh) so the title will be used as the catchall for this "series". I'm going to elaborate further on this reader character in a different post but basically we're just replacing Lumine in the canon story and everything else stays the same haha

"We turn not older with years, but newer every day" - Emily Dickinson

⭐

Neuvillette turns from his perusal of the floor to ceiling bookcase at the sound of the door opening and then closing behind him. The contemplative look on his face morphs into one of friendly greeting when he sees it is you standing there rather than a Melusine or one of the many human secretaries constantly flitting about the Palais with files and documents to leave on his desk. He isn’t exactly the easiest person to get a good read on, but you think he looks almost relieved.

“Ah, so you were able to make it after all. It is a pleasure to see you again, Traveler.”

The honorable Iudex smiles at you, his expression so soft around the edges and inviting that you feel the regular tensions in your body relaxing in response. You were under the impression that not many could count themselves lucky enough to be on the receiving end of such a warm welcome and for good reason. Neuvillette took his obligations to Fontaine as much as its people quite seriously, so there was always a certain decorum with which he carried himself when interacting with others. It was a direct contrast to the Hydro Archon who seemed to operate on the far opposite end of the spectrum.

But you were not a citizen of this nation so no such expectations existed between you and him. He was free to speak and behave in whatever way he deemed fit when dealing with you, and he chose to be warm and welcoming because the two of you were friends now. You could call yourselves that, couldn’t you?

Truth be told you were banking on it today. Offering him a smile of your own, you start to walk across the office, the plush, no doubt expensive rug under your feet almost completely silencing the heels of your boots to make for a near silent approach on your part. You were glad Sedine hadn’t insisted on personally seeing you in but that was yet another perk of being on such good terms with the Chief Justice. It allowed for private audiences with him like this.

“It is your birthday, you know. I wouldn’t willingly miss the chance to celebrate it with you for the world.”

“You flatter me, of course, but I do hope you didn’t neglect anything important just to come see me?” He makes it a question, the curve of his mouth taking on a vaguely wry edge at the thought of what you may have decided to skip out on given your reputation in Teyvat. He was in a good mood then, if he could find humor in your many exploits. A promising sign if there ever was one.

Stepping around the corner of his spacious desk, you walk right up to him and come to a stop with mere feet to spare. The height difference forces you to crane your neck back to peer up at him and he likewise tips his chin down to pin you with that amused yet still perfectly congenial look. That he allows you to get this close without questioning it or backing up a step to keep the distance polite and respectful speaks volumes. Your heartbeat subtly begins to speed up. You wonder if he can sense it in some way.

“Luckily I didn’t have any pressing matters to take care of so I came as soon as I got your letter. How else was I supposed to give you your birthday present?”

“A present?” Neuvillette echoes you, and his expression finally slips to belie his confusion on the matter. He’d clearly noticed that you’d entered his office empty handed with nothing except the clothes on your back, not even Paimon in tow. The fact he hadn’t expected anything at all and didn’t give it a second thought until now only further vindicates your choice to come here like this. He deserved what you planned to give him, if he would accept it.

Oh, and how you hoped he would.

“But of course, Monsieur Neuvillette. That is the custom everywhere in Teyvat, isn’t it? Even Fontaine must recognize the tradition of giving presents to someone on their birthday?”

“Well, yes. That is true but …”

He doesn’t finish his thought. Allowing the words to trail off into a curious silence, he watches you bring your hands up without protest as you carefully place them across his chest. There are many layers of clothes between you and his skin, and you register a distant note of surprise when you realize how narrow he feels under your touch. All the different coats and shirts, and the wide shouldered justice robe had given the impression of someone much bigger. More filled out. He actually seems to be rather svelte under everything he’s wearing, a thought that is surprisingly intriguing in that moment. You wanted to find out how he looked when he was bare and vulnerable in the way only lovers are with one another. Perhaps you could convince him to undress himself for you, one layer at a time. Slowly.

That was for later though. For now, in this moment, you had an objective in mind, and you give him a coquettish bat of your eyelashes as you pointedly press in on him with your hands. “You’re free to decline the offer, Monsieur, but I wanted to gift you something that no one else can. You told me once before that you don’t allow yourself to foster close relationships with others, didn’t you? I wonder when was the last time you were able to really relax …”

You can see his thoughts working in the soft lilac of his horizontally slit eyes, so fascinating to look into even when you were well aware you’d presented him with a conundrum. A moral dilemma, if you would. As a dragon sovereign he had no right to involve himself with humans beyond surface level interactions, never anything intimate or more personal beyond a friendly greeting and the impartial judgments he passed on them in the court. But you weren’t a human — not a normal one, anyway. You were not of Teyvat and he knew that. That changed things, didn’t it? For you, only you, he could bend the rules.

Understanding finally clicks into place and you can’t help the grin that comes over you at the way Neuvillette’s body stiffens with the knowledge of what you were offering him. But rather than looking affronted like you’d half expected him to initially react, unsure of how he would perceive such an offer, his otherworldly gaze actually takes on a low simmering heat that sparks warmth in your own skin. The way he looks at you now is very close to being unreadable but his eyes do not lie. They very rarely do in your experience.

“My dearest Traveler,” He says it softly, quiet to conceal the hot undercurrent just below the surface. “Are you suggesting a gift of sexual favors in place of a more customary exchange?”

“Only if you want it, Monsieur. Like I said, you’re welcome to turn it down if you’re not interested.”

Neuvillette regards you for a long stretch with what you think must be cautious inner reflection. You don’t doubt that he was taking this time to consider every angle of your proposal and the possible implications that might come with it. That’s just the kind of person he is and it’s what makes him such an effective judge. You don’t mind it. Had even anticipated it on some level, so you wait patiently for him to reach his verdict with your hands still braced against his chest, as suggestive as they were anticipatory.

At length, he finally draws a single carefully tempered breath before speaking in the low, measured tones of someone who thinks they have been presented with an offer that is too good to be true and they don’t trust it. Not fully. Not yet. “I believe one would have to be a fool to decline such a generous offer coming from you, Traveler. It is an honor just to know you would be willing to have me in such a way and I give you my sincerest thanks for that.”

“I hear a ‘but’ in there.”

He visibly hesitates to do it but he still gives in to the urge. Lifting his hand, Neuvillette gently brushes the tips of long gloved fingers across your cheek before cupping it against the curve of his palm. Every movement, every gesture is so deliberate and heedful that you understand what he’s going to say long before he actually speaks it.

“Yes. You are human. Perhaps not in the usual sense and while I certainly acknowledge that you are not of this world, that doesn’t change the composition of your body. I’m afraid I don’t know what to do with human women, Mademoiselle.”

“I can teach you.” Is your ready answer, complete with a teasing smile for his benefit, and Neuvillette graces you with a faint chuckle in response.

“Then I suppose it would be rude of me not to accept. Do you bestow such generous gifts to many of the men you’ve met on your travels?”

“Only the ones I like.”

Grinning, you give his chest a more purposeful push. Picking up on your intentions, Neuvillette takes a slow step backward and then another. He lets you guide him towards his empty high backed chair, never taking the intensity of his gaze away from you for so much as a moment while you steer him where you want. It almost surprises you a little bit, how easily such a proudly composed man is willing to comply and let you take the lead like this but the warm glint in his eyes remains even when you trap him against the side of the desk. He’s clearly not only interested in what you plan to do and curious, but also amused by this turn of events. You may have had the control here, for the moment at least, but that was only because he was letting you have it. He could have flipped the tables on you all too quickly and both of you were well aware of it.

“Sit?” You flick your eyes in the direction of the chair for emphasis. A strange, heady sense of power comes over you when he shifts to the side and lowers himself into the seat with neither question nor protest. Just obedience. No matter how cursory it may have been, it was still very intoxicating to taste.

Giving him a chance to get settled, you watch as he starts to cross his long legs as if it was second nature for him to do so only to think better of it at the last moment. He situates himself with both feet planted squarely on the floor instead and you eagerly lower yourself to kneel before him, palming his knees so you can gently push them apart while you do it.

Neuvillette’s mouth automatically pops open as if this was the first thing he found any real complaint in. You softly shush him though, quietly assuring him that you’ll take care of everything as you push the front of his long robe up and out of the way to reveal the top of his high waisted pants. There are a series of buttons keeping the placquet of the trousers closed. He doesn’t try to hide his fretting over what you’re doing while you work to get them undone, a series of “Are you certain”s and “Please, Traveler,”s spilling from his mouth while elegantly gloved hands hover over you in uncertainty. Making a mental note to correct that later, you keep tugging until you at last get the final button freed so you can pull at his pants enough to reveal what’s inside.

The underwear is plain and clean white, yet even you can tell at just a glance that this particular garment is no less exquisite than the rest of his richly crafted attire. The cotton is some of the softest you’ve ever felt and the stitching is perfectly neat and precise. Not so much as a single thread out of place or loose to draw attention to such an obvious imperfection. You can’t help smiling to yourself as you carefully untie the dainty cord at the waistband.

“Are all of your clothes bought at the finest boutiques, Monsieur?” You tease, sending him a meaningful look from your spot on the floor.

Neuvillette frowns slightly, like he doesn’t quite understand what that has to do with anything. In truth, he probably doesn’t. “I am not particularly concerned with fashion, if that is what you are implying. As the Iudex of Fontaine I’m merely held to certain standards - -“

“Yes, yes, Monsieur. I understand your position.”

He huffs an almost silent exhale at your giggling response. Consideringly, he observes the way you trace fingertips over the front of his crisp white braies and nudge the fabric down one teasing inch at a time, slowly exposing a strip of soft flesh across his lower belly. “Really, Mademoiselle, is going about it in this manner truly necessary? It is not a gift for me to see you debase yourself like a lowly commoner.”

“Hmm. Are you quite familiar with the practices of commoners, Neuvillette?”

“Hardly. It is just …” He once again trails off, a distant spark alighting behind his eyes when you get the underwear edged down enough to reveal the startings of a fine patch of hair. Its silvery-white, almost transparent had it not stood out in contrast against the smooth color of his skin. Just like how the hair on his head is so pale it makes his face look warmer complexioned than it really is, this had the same effect. Your mouth starts to water at the thought of what would come next, and he gives a faint grunt as you give his bottoms a more insistent tug.

“But you are my esteemed guest, Traveler, and it seems inappropriate to make you kneel before me.” Neuvillette finally finishes his thought and not without effort.

“You have not made me do anything though. I chose to kneel by my own free will.” You shoot him a quick, cheeky grin. “Besides, I thought you would like seeing a so-called human on their knees for you, oh mighty Hydro Dragon.”

He sucks in a quick breath. You can tell he’s going to argue it, correct it, contest the allegation you’ve lobbied against him but you don’t give him the chance. With one final pull, his cock springs free. A soft hiss escapes Neuvillette’s suddenly tight mouth as it hits the air, still mostly flaccid but quickly stirring to life even as it smacks against the bare strip of flesh along his pelvis. You’re admittedly surprised and a bit relieved to see that it is a by all accounts normal looking organ of the human persuasion. You hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect from the reincarnation of a Soverign but he looks every bit as normal as you do. Funny thing, that.

“Oh, Monsieur,” You rove your attention up, catching his eye and holding it as you lean over his lap. Your lips part and you swipe a slow lick of your tongue from the base up to the head. It twitches under the sensation, bobbing upward as if to follow you but you pull away too fast for it to find your mouth again. He looses a terse breath that sounds as appreciative of the gesture as it is bemused at the audacity to tease him like that. “Such a lovely cock for a lovely man. Are you sure you don’t enjoy seeing me on my knees?”

His length eagerly swells as if in response. It grows in size and shape right before your eyes, stiffening and starting to stand at attention just for you. Evidently he was very much a grower.

“I said it did not seem appropriate, mon petit voyageur,” Neuvilette murmurs, finally bringing one hand close to cup the side of your face again. Tenderly, his thumb brushes over the swell of your cheek while he looks into your eyes with a certain masculine weight that makes your loins curl into a knot. “I said nothing about not enjoying it.”

“My mistake.” You whisper back as you reach out to wrap your fingers around his cock.

Keeping your hold loose, you gently massage it up and then down, giving the base an encouraging squeeze before dragging your hand towards the glans again. The motion makes his foreskin bunch and gather over the head, and when you bring your hand down next you’re rewarded with a soft, sticky click. He was becoming excited rather quickly, wasn’t he? You assumed that meant your earlier assumption had been correct. He must rarely if ever allow himself to indulge in the urges of his human body like this. Not with another person, at least.

You feel decidedly emboldened as you take a moment to nuzzle into his hand. It was reassuring to know that he did not fear touching you in reciprocation and you intended to enforce the behavior. Gently, at first, then more forcefully if need be.

“Does this mean I have your permission to proceed, Monsieur Neuvillette?”

The breath he draws is stilted. Short. “I would certainly be appreciative of that.”

Bringing your attention back around with a smile, you regard his cock again. It’s a good, healthy size — sturdy in your hand and incredibly soft to the touch despite how firm it’s gotten just below the surface of all that delicate skin. You lean in on the next downward tug of your fingers, when the foreskin has been pulled back enough to expose the ruddy pink head. Flicking your tongue over the dainty slit, you issue a low moan at the shock of salty precum that floods your tastebuds. It’s not exactly bitter but it wasn’t sweet either. Just clean and faintly musky with a distant note of male pheromones to taste. It made sense that he would be as close to a neutral flavor as the human body was likely capable of though, given how much he enjoyed drinking water. It was delicious.

You let out a quiet sigh into the still air. Giving in to the instinctive urge, you wrap your lips around the head. He tenses underneath you at the sensation of your mouth fully on him, suckling at the sensitive glans, and his hand gives a faint jolt against your cheek. Reaching further back, Neuvillette gingerly cradles the back of your head with a hushed groan but doesn’t do anything beyond that.

A groan that you belatedly realize is your name.

Not the customary ‘Traveler’ you got everywhere in Teyvat nor the altering variation of either ‘Mademoiselle’ or ‘mon petit’ that he occasionally used with you in private. Your real name.

It wasn’t exactly uncommon for the friends you’d made throughout your travels to call you that but Neuvillette did it so rarely, so infrequently that it strikes something delicate and soft inside of you. He was perfectly polite and cordial, and that often meant keeping those around him at a socially acceptable distance. Close, but not so close as to imply intimacy. Far enough at arms length to avoid misunderstandings but not so far as to come off rude. It was a razor fine line he usually walked and aside from the Melusine’s, Furina seemed to be the only exception.

And now you too, or so it appeared. At least for right now.

Softly groaning, you lean further over his lap — lean further into your work and take him deeper into your mouth. The stretch is exquisite. It’s hard not to imagine the same cock stretching other parts of your body open in similar fashion, your cunt fluttering in unmistakable excitement as you swallow him down to the halfway point of his shaft. Neuvillette’s fingers lightly spasm against your hair, stiff with the desire to close his fist around the strands and perhaps tug or use them as leverage to push, but he fights it. You’re acutely aware of this fact even while you languidly lap at the underside of his length with your tongue. Still so polite even when you had him pulled in almost to your throat and there was another inch or two waiting just beyond the edge of your lips. You couldn’t abide by him holding himself in check like this when it was supposed to be his birthday present for him to enjoy. He should have been enjoying it to the fullest.

So you reach back with your unoccupied hand, the one not currently holding him around the base, and blindly latch onto his stiff knuckles. Giving him a quick, reassuring squeeze, you press his palm firmly into the back of your head. He lets out a low, seething hiss in response, still valiantly fighting it for another moment longer despite the encouragement. The gentlemanly facade finally cracks though and a small portion of the Dragon Sovereign seems to peak out. When he finally pushes down on your head, it’s surprisingly forceful and demanding. The pressure makes you take another inch or so, and you moan a thick sound around the cock stuffed in your mouth. Now he was really tickling your tonsils and the sensation makes your salivary glands kick into overtime to produce a copious amount of drool that slowly starts to bubble out past your lips. You were going to make a mess at this rate.

“Mon petit,” Neuvillette whispers the pet name like an oath. “I am afraid that — nnghn. I seem to be ill equipped for this particular activity. As shameful as it is to admit … I did not expect it to feel this good.”

Noising an incomprehensible sound, a sentiment meant to put his concerns at ease, you nudge your face down a little closer to his lap and take another half inch. His narrow hips buck slightly at the sensation of slipping into your throat but now he’s struggling just to maintain his composure instead of thrusting up like he wants to. Neuvillette no longer has the luxury or the presence of mind to be concerned about his manners, and his fingers finally close around your hair at the root. The dull yank on your scalp makes your pussy clench tight in response. You couldn’t wait to have him. You hoped he would have you after this. If he was as pent up as you suspected, then it probably wasn’t a stretch to think he would.

Gathering your own willpower, you slowly start to pull back off his cock. Choking yourself on it sounded like a great idea at the moment but you wanted to give him a short reprieve, a break to get a hold of himself. So you ignore the spit that dribbles down his length to coat your fingers where you’re squeezing it tight in an attempt to stave off his release. Neuvillette manages to surprise you slightly when he issues a low, barely audible growl at the loss of your mouth but you ignore that too. You finally make it to the glans a heartbeat later and you take the chance to swirl your tongue around the pink head. A quick glance through the fall of your lashes shows you his expression pinched in obvious pleasure and something darker. Something far more primal than simple arousal. You weren’t sure how far you could push him before the long dormant draconian instincts started to take over but you were curious and bullheaded enough to try it.

You finally sit back, taking your mouth off his cock completely. The pretty face of the polite Iudex momentarily scrunches up in a tense, heady groan of frustration that leaves tiny little wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he opens them to peer down at you. The intensity in those slit irises, the pupils blown wide and dark, inspires a nervous shudder down the length of your spine. You had no idea he could look at someone like that. Like so much meat. Prey that was his for the taking if only he would reach out with a sharp taloned claw and slice into laughably soft flesh to spill whatever was inside.

Your pussy achingly throbs, though you aren’t entirely sure if it’s from sexual excitement or mortal fear. Perhaps it was both.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Monsieur Neuvillette?” You speak softly, as if to avoid setting off the predator before you, but the only response you get is a single, hissed word.

“Yes.”

Then he’s pushing on your head just as demandingly as the first time, maybe even more so. He forces your face to his lap. Gives you no choice but to open your mouth wide and accept his cock again. Down, inch by inch, you take him straight to the edge of your throat and then you take him inside. Your gag reflex puts up cursory resistance for all of a single second and then he’s wedged as far down your gullet as he can go. You noise a pitifully muffled sound when your nose presses into his pelvis hard enough to bring tears to your eyes, the soft, nearly translucent hair tickling your skin. The muscles in your throat work around the intrusion as if to expel the blockage but it does very little in the way of good when he was already this deep. All you can do is heave on his cock and writhe there on the floor, your shoulders shuddering with each dry gag that assaults your body in violent waves.

And you couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so painfully aroused.

Groaning in deeply felt pleasure, Neuvillette gingerly leans back into his chair while keeping his hand pressed firm against the back of your head to hold you in place. You blink through the tears and peer up at him, committing every detail of his stricken face, his posture, his breathy voice as it tumbles out of him to memory even as you reach under your travel dress for what’s between your legs. Pressing your fingers into the crotch of your bloomers, you start to rub hasty circles into yourself while you watch him stiffly shake towards his own release. Never mind the fact you couldn’t breathe like this. It was just going to make for an even more powerful orgasm than what you were already anticipating.

“Your throat is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before,” He grits out through tightly clenched teeth, his brows knitted so deeply that a small wrinkle had formed between them. “Du ciel à la terre, I can’t hold out any longer, mon petit, I am going to — nnghnnn!”

Neuvillette cums with a sharp, rumbling grunt. The sound seems to vibrate through his shuddering frame and bleed into you, your eyes practically rolling to the back of your head when his cock gives one, pulsing throb before shooting thick ropes down your gullet. You choke at the sensation even as your throat desperately tries to get it all down before you can asphyxiate. It doesn’t feel like such a far off possibility at this point as you start to grow faint and dizzy from a lack of oxygen. But you just keep rubbing your cunt and swallowing, spurt after spurt of thick, creamy discharge until he finally hisses one final noise of pleasure before going lax underneath you.

Without his hand holding you in place any longer, you quickly rear back and come up off his cock with a highly undignified, ugly wretching sound. You suck in a hungry mouthful of air even as sheets of drool and bubbling spit leak from your numb lips. You’re not half as concerned about that as you are with your quickly fleeting orgasm though. Like low tide, it seems to tauntingly lap at the edges of the shore line even as it quietly recedes out into the void of endless ocean without a second thought. You could almost sob at the loss as you rub yourself faster, harder. Even reaching up with your free hand to paw at your own breast through the thin material of your dress doesn’t bring it back. And you’d been so close too.

“And what is this, Traveler?”

Abruptly realizing that Neuvillette has recovered from his own orgasm and has been watching you for the last moment or so, you tip your head back to look at him. That glimpse of the dragon is gone and in its place is the same respectable Iudex you were usually accustomed to dealing with. The sole exception in his demeanor was the weight with which his gaze has settled upon you. There was a hunger there. An innate sense of superior dominance that had not been present when last he’d looked at you before this.

It occurs to you then that you have perhaps awoken the beast in him with all your poking and prodding in more ways than one. There’s something in the way he looks at you down the length of his nose that sets your blood to boiling. You wanted — no, needed him to subjugate you to his will. That was what was missing. That was why your orgasm had fled at the first sign of reprieve from his iron will.

Whimpering softly at your own helplessness, you lean back to press one hand against the floor and reach up with the other to tug one side of your dress down. He attentively watches your breast spill out into the open, drawing a subtle breath at the sight of you like this. So desperate. So needy and vulnerable. He doesn’t act on it though and you bite your lip to stop yourself from begging for it as you gather the front of your dress. You wonder if your sticky cunt had bled through the soft cotton of your bloomers yet as you present them to him without an ounce of shame to show for it.

A small yet no less pleased smile plays across Neuvilette’s mouth. Rather primly, properly, he tugs the fabric of his justice robe to cover his lap and hide his softening cock from your voracious sights. The fact he doesn’t put it away, only covers it, makes your blood pound somehow even harder. It feels like you’ve got a second heartbeat in your cunt as he carefully shifts in his seat and brings the toe of an expensive shoe close to your pussy.

“Is this how one handles human women, Mademoiselle?” He sounds vaguely amused, as if he already knew the answer. Like that one single exchange had enlightened him to a whole litany of sexual knowledge that he hadn’t been fully aware of before.

You weren’t sure if it was just a result of his undeniable intelligence and he’d merely pieced everything together in record time or if it could really be a shared understanding with his past life. Did the Dragon Sovereign’s mate the same way people do? You didn’t really care about any of that right now.

There’s only one thing on your mind and, at your nod, Neuvillette brings his foot closer. Slips it between your legs. He thoughtfully hums, as if considering his next move, and then presses up to flatten the top of his shoe along the pudge of your cunt. Even with the thin layer of your bloomers in the way it damn near makes you see double and you gasp. Your reaction seems to please him a great deal. Chuckling to himself, the Chief Justice of Fontaine slowly works his limb back and forth, up and down, to tease your slit with pressure that is simultaneously too much and yet not near enough to make you cum. You felt like you were going to be sick.

“I must admit that this is quite interesting, Traveler.” He tells you softly, almost secretively. “You’ve certainly piqued my interest, at least. I had no idea touching you like this would make you look at me with such a … needy expression on your face. I wonder what will happen if I keep going. You’ll teach me this too won’t you, mon petit?”

Of course you would. Anything for the birthday boy.

⭐

#genshin impact #neuvillette #neuvillete x reader #self insert bullshit

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palepersonaturtle · 1 year ago

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Rewatching some scenes of Shinyu and Hongjo and i have to say their realtionship progression after they started dating in ep 11 is so well written i mean yes it is not perfect but it is near perfect for me.

Especially the fact that it is not only that they are in love with each other but there is desire/passion(sexual) in between them which is expressed not only by their actions but also by their words which imo many kdramas lack in that part. And i am glad that the writers didnt shy away in showing us the sexual tension between the couple in their realtionship.

And it is right from ep4 okay when shinyu was like "if it is not kiss that can break the curse then is it...?" Shinyu was down bad horny okay.

One more example is that noncon kiss in ep7. I mean yes that was problematic and he deserved to be punched. But he was eager to show his feelings and desire to hongjo and wanted to know how she felt about him. Also his imaginary kiss and bed scene

And most importantly this desire was mutual. Hongjo was attracted to him too. She very much gave into that kiss in ep6 but alas shinyu slept. She was frustrated. The next day she is like "you were terrible at it"

And it gets more interesting when start dating

They are comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed the same night they get into relationship. Hong jo very much wanted to be with him you can see how she was frustrated when he didnt come to her room. Also love the way Shinyu was testing the waters with the whole "if you say another word i wont stay still..." dialogue. See she was shy but not scared of it.

And throughout ep11 and ep12 we can see that their is a mutual sexual tension between them. Also i love how Hong jo is able to show her desire too. She actively asks kisses from him, tries to seduce him in his office which shows that being single all through her doesnt mean she has to be naive in the physical intimacy part of their relationship. Yes as her first time in a relationship she gets shy and giddy but she has desires and she is very much aware about it too.

About, their breakup, i know people were like there comes the noble idiocy of ep13 but i actually enjoyed it. It is the way they showcased their longing for each other. Particularly, when shinyu gets drunk. It is the way he hugged her, nuzzled into her neck and smelled her. He not only missed her emotionally but also missed their hugs and kisses. And same for hong jo too that little smile she gives before being sad again and the way she gave into that hug. She indulges him not only for him but also for herself.

And so for me their reunion was much more sweeter and earned because the curse is gone now the main barrier between their relationship.

That spiderman kiss on the couch. Many people are like hong jo got shy. But i personally felt that she (and him too btw) actually was so turned on at that point that if she hadnt stopped it would have escalated into some thing more and which wasnt good for shinyu since he was injured. Same when they were sleeping together, look at the way hong jo is smiling and shinyu's gaze lingers on her lips.

Now on to the main lovemaking scene. That was planned mutually by them okay i mean not verbally but they both knew what was gonna happen and they both wanted it. Their phone conversation says it all. Also the way he was like "take your time to change" and then she comes wearing his white shirt when could have wore any comfortable tshirt of his. They didnt knew it was gonna happen right at that moment but tgey knew they knew that this was the night. And i loved that because it was consensual and it wasnt just heat of the moment. It felt very much earned and sweeter.

And throughout ep16 we can see that how much they both enjoy the physical intimacy and are pretty much normal about it now. Him saying that he cannot sleep w/o her. She jumping on him taking charge. It all feels natural with them

Lastly, it also shows the contrast with the relationship shinyu had with nayeon. You see he never felt any attraction towards her that he never felt the need to even hold her hands.

#this got very long #had to say it because this was something new that i felt in a kdrama #also because i think love and desire can coexist and that there is no need to shy away about it #shinyu x hongjo #they are soft chaotic cute they are simps losers down bad for e/o but they are also sexy and passionate #they are so couple coded #jang shin yu #lee hong jo #destined with you #sorry for the typos

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lesbiandanhowell · 11 months ago

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Special episode of Sam reacts!

Sam reacts to: We're All Doomed Movie

Since this is long, little summary of thoughts at the beginning. I didn't love the editing at the beginning, because it felt too fast paced/ too jumpy? But it changed in the second half and seeing the contrast in the editing of it being much slower during the emotional bit, it does make sense. I think the movie for sure did the performance justice and showing the audience interactions added a lot for me.

Also this show is so important on every level and I adore Dan so much for making it and being so proud of it.

- Immediately started looking for myself but I don't think you can see us, cause we sat on the balcony. I have however already spotted @energeticwarrior and @danrifics like less than a minute in lmao

- I love seeing how many of the camera positions I identified correctly.

- I wish they would let shots linger more, the cuts are quite jumpy.

- Oh this brings me back so much. Hearing the audience laugh at certain moments I remember laughing in that moment. I get the same excitement and urge to clap and cheer.

- I love seeing his expressions, cause I didn't get to see those up from the balcony!

- The person with the boob hair sweater in the first row, I love you!

- "Believably sad, lonely and horny. Dan Howell!"

- Okay they somehow really managed to capture the energy of the room which I was worried about. The sound leveling between audience and Dan is really well matched imo.

- He is SO SWEATY what the fuck how stressed was he because the venue really wasn't too hot honestly.

- My attention span is so much worse than when I was there in person holy shit.

- "After the show talking about what a good time you've had" and none of us have been able to shut up about just how much we loved it since 🥹

- The overalls are so bad for Dan, he has like no ass in them.

- Okay admission that @personthattoleratesme made fun of me for: during the YouTube swipe Montage I didn't realize all the other like Crafting, Baking, Shipping Container YouTubers was Dan the first time I saw the show...

- I am SO GLAD Froot Loops Tucan made it and the persons reaction and confidence is incredible.

- Dan's ability to go between talking about wanting to fuxk the Duolingo owl to the very real danger of social media influencing political elections is unparalleled.

- "Human communication. We want to come together with real people. Share stories, move each other emotionally with our words about depression and pensis."

- Imagine Dan Howell calling you hoe...

- Something about Dan calling himself a ditzy bitch gets me so bad every time.

- "Miscellaneous mentally ill nerds of London" best title I have ever been given.

- I liked Sundays madlips better :(( But wasn't faggots Sunday I am so confused now

- The screams for every Phil mention, we love him so much.

- I love Blame Game so much, some of my favourite parts from the whole show because the energy is unmatched. The fact that JKR gets a more severe reaction than Musk is actually so funny.

- Sunday crowd was the best, you can so clearly hear that the majority of people is calling freedom for Dan at the end aww.

- I need more bravery to fuck shit up, to not be so agreeable and complacent and be more disruptive honestly.

- After the calender bit his voice is so shakey and broken, I didn't hear that at all in person but fuck that just broke me.

- Yeah the last few minutes always get me so not much of a reaction to those other than I cried, again.

- What I found interesting was the parts that were left out? Cause I definitely noticed a few moments that didn't make the cut which I find surprising! Moments I noticed were the first mention of him only using two emojis, that's referenced again with the cowboy hat emoji and also he didn't include the iconic "Because time changes everything".

- I am so glad they managed to get All Star because it is simply part of the experience honestly. Nothing hit's quite like sobbing and then being hit with that song.

EDIT:

- I remembered something else I really loved: the music, I really think they choose such a good score, made such good little sound effects and the reaction I had to hearing it all live was amazing.

#wad #we're all doomed #wad premiere #dan howell #sam reacts #dan and phil

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wings-of-ink · 6 months ago

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I really enjoyed the new chapter. Duri is lovable, and I hadn't realized his connections to wolves. Now I'm debating myself between him and Oswin, because I really like wolf themed characters (even more so if they can turn into one).

While I'm not surprised we won't find Valko (it's way too early to find a god, methinks, although I did also believe we could find him but he would be unable to actually help, or something that made our journey longer), It's fun to know Duri is related to him, and how. Especially so because I did imagine we would have a hard time at the shrine, but I expected it coming from Valko being unwelcoming or something like that. Not necessarily because there isn't enough information on what exactly is there.

Also, the landslide was a great action sequence I didn't see coming. And I think it was a great way to introduce Duri. A part of me believed the big wolf was not necessarily a foe, but I did doubt at some point. So, I really enjoyed the twists. Going from having a moment of doubt to being afraid to trusting and befriending was very well executed. It does remind of how in LOTR some positive characters are introduced as menacing or villainous characters (like Aragorn), only to after be revealed they are good people. So far both Zahn and Duri have done something on those lines, and I love it. It does give them complexity basically from the get go.

Finally, something to comment. I don't know if I erased my saves or the update broke them. In any case, I was glad to replay everything from the beginning. Mostly, because I had forgotten what name I had used for my MC (as so much time has passed since I played, and I had played too many IFs in between). So this was an opportunity to find one I really liked.

And that's what I did. Since I'm romancing Oswin, and my MC has had a crush on him since forever, I wanted a name that had something in common to Oswin's. So, I looked up the etymology of the name, and found a name that was related. I chose Winfred, as both have the 'win' (from 'wine', which means friend in Old English) affix. For reference, 'os' means 'god', so Oswin is "God's friend"; while Winfred means "friend of peace" (-fred coming from frith, meaning peace). I just think it's so appropriate for both, in a way. Especially because my MC is very gentle and kind, and often tries to comfort and care for everyone (Winfred is also taller than Oswin, as well as broad and sturdy, so he is one more of my gentle giant MC's, I cannot help myself, I love that archetype so much; also, I love the contrast between such a healthy appearance with such a terrible curse, which I think I did say before in a previous ask some time ago).

I do wonder how Oswin would feel about Winfred choosing his name based on Oswin's. I assume he is at once touched and troubled. And then, as he keep distancing himself, adding guilt. Yet I guess he would grow to love wholeheartedly as time passes. At least, if Winfred is able to survive (hopefully he does, who knows what awaits as the story advances) and have a good life at Oswin's side.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, my friend!

I have a soft-spot for wolves (like a lot of people, they've always been my favorite) and wolf-characters of course too, so I could not resist the chance to pop one in this story.

It would be interesting to see how Valko would react to MC's plight had he met them. He's…fickle…

I'm so glad you enjoyed the landslide scene. My hope was that it would catch both the reader and MC by surprise. That back and forth was what I was hoping for, do you trust the big furry thing that just snapped at you or not? Lol

As for your saves, the game update likely broke them. But I am thrilled you found a name that calls to you! There's something satisfying about that, finding a good name for your MC that fits how you play them and the story you're in. I love your choice too. I am so thrilled with names especially that have special connections and meanings. That's why for the name bank, I wanted to associate the choices with the mark you can choose.

I think Oswin would be honored but very shocked to know the MC modeled their chosen name off of him. It adds to all those tasty conflicting emotions he's got going on. But overall, he would be so touched to be regarded so highly by the MC.

Thank you so much for the message, my dear, it was a joy to learn your thoughts and I am so glad that you are invested in your adventure. ^_^

#god cursed if #asks #gc ro oswin

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bexorok · 8 months ago

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Poorly written Sonic movie 3 pitch/outline pt. 6

Who’s ready to have their hearts ripped out?

Both of these scenes jump forward a bit in the movie. I usually write what I can visualize most in my head first and then go back and fill in the rest of the story later. I wanted an Amy backstory scene that was reminiscent of the scene in Sonic 2 with Sonic and Tails, even taking place in a little lodge in the mountains. I believe it’s already been confirmed that the ski lodge from the Knuckles series will be a location in the next movie, so I wanted to include it in a few scenes.

This is around mid-way through the movie. Several of the chaos emeralds have been found (one of which was near the ski lodge) and team Sonic decides to camp there for the night.

I also wanted a Shadow flashback scene right after it to contrast what’s happening between them and Shadow, as well as give some Maria flashbacks to really break your heart.

Amy backstory scene

Interior: Ski lodge

Tails and Knuckles are both seemingly sound asleep next to the fireplace, sharing a blanket. Sonic is on the other side, more restless. He rolls over and opens his eyes, seeing Amy by the window, looking out at the blizzard outside. He gets up and approaches her.

Sonic: Can’t sleep?

Amy: No..I tried, but I just couldn’t get comfortable.

Sonic: dang, we gave up the couch for nothing.

Amy smirks, rolling her eyes.

Sonic: I couldn’t sleep either.

Amy: Thinking about shadow?

Sonic: yeah. I guess I thought I could get through to him like I did with Knuckles, but whatever happened to him, however he lost Maria, it must have been worse than we could have imagined.

Amy: I know. We have to remember that his experience is different from ours. He was asleep for 50 years with only that memory.

Sonic: (shivers) yeah. That sounds awful. Eggman is using that anger to his advantage, but Shadow seems to know that. It was different with Knuckles. He didn’t really want to hurt anyone, he just wanted to restore his tribe's honor. Shadow just wants revenge.

Amy sighs and frowns.

Sonic: but I can’t help but feel that somewhere deep down, there’s still good in him.

Amy: You seem to be able to find the good in everyone you meet.

Sonic: I know what it’s like being alone for a long time. I spent 10 years being alone after I lost Longclaw.

Amy: You have a good heart, Sonic.

Sonic smiles, looking at Amy as she continues to stare out the window.

Sonic: Hey Ams, we never really got to hear where you come from. I’m curious, if you don’t mind of course.

Amy: No, I don’t mind at all. I’m not too different from you guys, I suppose. There aren’t all that many hedgehogs left on Mobius. A lot of them were killed because of the fear that they could control the emeralds power, even though there were only a few lineages that could. It was just me and my grandmother for a while. She taught me all about our history, with the emeralds, fortune reading, and how to spread love instead of violence so we wouldn’t make the same mistakes of our past. She was even the one who taught me how to use the cards. After she passed on, I was kind of on my own. I tried to honor her memory by finding out as much as I could about the emeralds, hoping one day I’d see them for myself, but I think I left out the most important thing she taught me…

She trails off.

Sonic: What was it?

Amy: Sharing the love I have with others. I spent so much time isolating myself, but I think deep down all I really wanted was someone to share all of this.

Sonic: We’ll, I’m happy to be the one you can share it with. I’m glad you found us. This adventure wouldn’t have been the same without you.

Amy smiles, her eyes water for a moment before she wipes at her face.

We suddenly see Tails and Knuckles walk up behind them.

Tails: we’re happy you found us, too. I was alone before I found Sonic, but he brought us all together. We’re a team now, and I’m so happy to call you guys my family.

Knuckles: yes. I lost my entire tribe and was completely alone, traveling the galaxy in search of my purpose. I never thought about what my father would have really wanted for me, and that was to find a new tribe of my own. It is an honor that I found that in you all.

Amy: you guys think I’m part of your team?

Knuckles: every tribe needs a wise and noble teacher.

Tails: of course! The more people the better!

Sonic: after all of this, you’ll always be a part of our team.

Amy: (tearing up) it really is good to be here.

Tails puts a hand in a fist.

Tails: this is the only way to make it official.

Sonic: Of course! How could I forget? An unbreakable promise that we’ll always be there for each other.

He puts his fist next to Tails, quickly joined by Knuckles.

Knuckles: it is the most sacred of earth oaths, the power bump.

Amy wipes away a tear, then ecstatically adds her own hand.

Sonic: Now you're officially one of us, and you always will be.

He pulls everyone together in a hug, and Amy and Tails happily join in. Knuckles looks a bit more awkward, but smiles anyway.

They pull away, and Tails yawns while rubbing his eyes.

Amy: Sorry about waking you guys up.

Knuckles: no worries, we were not asleep anyway.

Sonic: yeah, you can tell when Knuckles is actually asleep. He snores like no one else.

Knuckles: it is a technique to ward off any approaching enemies.

Tails: is talking in your sleep a warriors tactic too?

Knuckles: yes

They laugh as he playfully ruffles Tails hair.

Amy: Okay, I won’t keep you guys up any longer.

She walks back over to the couch on the other side of the room. The boys all return to their sleeping spots as well.

She lays down for a moment before sitting back up.

Amy: Actually, I think I’ll sleep by the fireplace. It seems… cozier over there.

Sonic smiles as he scoots over, making room for her to sleep near the fireplace without overcrowding her. She sets the pillow and blanket down, turning her back to the fire.

Sonic: Was it cold over there?

Amy: A little bit.

Sonic yawns and rolls over.

Sonic: night everyone.

Tails is already sound asleep, and Knuckles is audibly snoring.

Amy’s face softens as she looks out at all of them.

Amy: Good night, team.

The camera pans back as she finally closes her eyes. We see a shot of everyone finally sleeping

Dream sequence

Interior: Space colony ARK

Shadow is asleep on the ARK in an open room with windows all around. The earth can be seen through the windows. We zoom in on Shadow, whose face is cringing in his sleep. The screen flashes and the scene changes. Shadow is now sitting in the middle of the room with a book about earth in his hand. Next to him sits a young blond girl holding a book about various natural phenomena.

Maria: Shadow, the northern lights sound so cool! Look at these pictures.

The camera focuses on Shadow, who seems to be lost in thought. Maria hums for a moment, then squeezes at Shadow's side.

Shadow: (laughing) hey! No fair, sneak attacks aren’t allowed.

Maria: (also laughing) sorry, you just looked so serious. Is something on your mind?

Shadow: I don’t know, I’ve been in my head lately. I guess I just feel trapped. I can’t help but feel like we’re never getting out of here. If only the professor could find something, but no matter how many tests we go through there’s still nothing. I feel like I’ve failed you.

Maria: You can’t think like that Shadow!

She slams the book closed.

Maria: I know how you feel. I’ve spent my entire life here. I sometimes feel like it’s my own fault. If it weren’t for my illness, I could be living on earth and we wouldn’t be stuck here. But then again, if it weren’t for the way I was born, I would have never gotten to meet you.

Her face softens into a smile.

Maria: I wouldn’t trade that for the world. We'll get out of here and see earth together. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I know that we will one day.

Shadow smiles at her and opens the book back up.

Maria: What's the first thing you want to see when we get to earth?

Shadow: I don’t know. There’s so many places I want to see, it's hard to choose. I’d love to go to the mountains and climb the highest point, or go to the city and see all the people and lights. And the ocean. Imagine looking out and seeing nothing but water, as far as the eye can see, as expansive as space itself.

Maria: That's a lot of options! I don’t think I know what to see first either.

Shadow: You’ve been learning about countries, which one do you want to go to first?

Maria: Hm, that’s a tough one. The states are massive, and have almost everything there. Mountains, cities, beaches, everything you could possibly imagine, but Italy has mountains overlooking the ocean! Oh, but I’d also want to see snow somewhere! Maybe in Russia, or Canada, or-

Shadow: (Laughing) slow down, Maria! Even I can’t keep up with you!

Maria: (laughs) I can’t just slow down, there's still so much more I want to see. Oh! You know what I think I want to visit first? Japan.

Shadow: Why Japan?

Maria: That's where all those comics we read are made, like Lone Wolf and Cub! And those shows like Speed Racer and Lupin! They have so much art, I want to see even more of it! And the food looks so good, and the cherry blossoms they have there are so pretty!

Shadow: You’ll have to learn Japanese if you really want to visit.

Maria: I’m already on it!

She pulls out a book about the Japanese language.

Maria: I’m still learning how they spell words, but I bet one day I’ll be able to have a full conversation!

Shadow: Do you think you could teach me?

Maria: Of course! Here, we can start by learning hiragana!

He leans over to look at the book with her. The screen flashes again, and Shadow is now sitting alone while an alarm blares in the background. Red lights flash, and we pan over to see a space capsule. Shadow holds his head, seemingly in pain. He thrashes and winces, trying desperately to wake up.

The camera cuts to Shadow sitting up out of his sleep. He cradles his head in pain as his breathing settles. When he is calm, he looks out the window at earth.

Shadow: Maria… They took that away from you. Your only wish.

He clenches his fists in anger.

Shadow: I will take everything from them, just as they took everything from us.

The camera changes to the outside of ARK, panning over to the earth.

#sonic movie #sonic movie 3 #sonic 3 #sonic #shadow the hedgehog

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thewritingbeforesunrise · 2 years ago

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BALLERINA - Chapter Seven.

A Jake Kiszka AU

Physiotherapist!Jake x Original Female Character

Previous Chapter.

A/N: Last Chapter ended with a massive cliffhanger. To make up for it, here is another chapter. Enjoy!

Please, let me know what you think about this!

Word count: 4K

Warnings for this chapter: 18+ MINORS ABSOLUTELY DNI, dirty talk, oral (f!receiving), protected penetrative sex. Sweet!Jake.

If you are interested, you can join my taglist here.

_________________________________

He raised to his feet again and leaned his forehead against hers. His breathing was fast and ragged.

Her hands moved on their own accord and tried to touch him through his boxers but he grabbed her wrists and stopped her.

He planted them on the couch and, when Iris started to tell him that she wanted to make him feel good, he shushed her with a finger on her lips.

"Shh, Iris, please just give me a minute," he said, panting heavily.

"I absolutely know that if you touch me right now I won't be able to hold back. Just give me a minute to calm down." He whispered breathlessly onto her lips.

Iris nodded and tried to tell him that she was sorry, but he clamped an entire hand onto her lips.

"Don't say that, don't talk, please. I am on the verge of coming into my boxers and I don't want it to happen, ok? Please stay still and silent for a moment." He said, shaking his head, trying to clear his mind and calm down a little.

Iris took the opportunity to catch her breath too and admire him.

His chest was heaving and glistening with perspiration. His hair was slightly damp.

He looked really tired, but absolutely stunning.

She couldn't really believe he was real.

The weather seemed to mirror the atmosphere in the room.

The storm seemed to have calmed down.

Occasional thunders could be heard far away, but the sky was still very dark, despite not being very late.

Iris let her eyes wander through the room.

She could see where the rain had leaked through the windows, forming puddles under them.

He shifted his gaze towards the window too and laughed.

"What a mess" he whispered.

A joke came to her mind and before she could stop herself, she said it out loud.

"Well, at least I am glad I am not the only wet thing in here" Iris said and immediately clasped a hand on her mouth, but it was too late.

He stared at her for a second, with a very serious expression, then started laughing heartily.

"I can't believe I said it out loud" she whispered embarrassedly and he draped his arms around her.

He started nibbling at the skin of her neck and she shuddered, completely taken aback by it.

He whispered on her skin, making her shiver because of the contrast between her wet skin and the hot breath coming from him.

"Is this really all it takes to get you this flustered?" He whispered, with a smug grin on his lips.

At this, her lips connected with the smooth hot skin of his sternum.

She sucked lightly for a while and then bit him, making him gasp.

He grabbed her chin and tilted her head upwards. His thumb started stroking her plush bottom lip again, but it didn't stay there for long.

Iris grabbed his wrist and while his eyes were trained on hers, she slowly pushed his thumb in her mouth, encompassing him in the warmth of her lips.

She wanted to show him that her simple actions would get him just as flustered as she was.

Maintaining eye contact, she twirled her tongue around it and sucked lightly, imagining something else in her mouth.

His eyes rolled back into his skull with a low groan.

Then, he straightened back up and spoke.

"Are you imagining what my cock would feel like in this little mouth of yours, aren't you?"

His breathing hit her skin in a hot whisper right against her ear.

Iris nodded and delivered a harsh bite to the pad of his thumb, making him hiss.

"Lord, you don't even know how many times I imagined this. But I have to admit it, in my mind I had never done you justice. You are such a dirty little girl but, not even two hours ago, I would have described you as shy and collected. And now here you are, sucking on my thumb like it was my cock, making me almost come in my boxers." He said, smirking.

Iris gave his thumb a harsh suck when he mentioned it and then released it from her lips.

He kept it on her chin while she spoke.

"You know what they say, it's always the quiet ones." She told him.

The smirk he gave her was enough for Iris to feel a new rush of wetness pool again between her legs.

He came closer.

"Well, let's see how quiet you are then, baby" He whispered onto her lips right before kissing her, winning the battle of teasing once and for all.

His hands stroked and pulled at her hair trying to bring her closer to him.

His clothed erection collided with her bare center purposefully, making the both of them groan.

Her hands instead went directly to the hem of his boxers, but he didn't stop her this time.

She caressed his clothed hips, feeling the soft cotton brush against the pads of her fingers.

Then, she traced again his barely there happy trail with the tip of her pointer finger, finally hooking it in the elastic.

She pulled it and left it, making it slap against his abdomen.

The bite he delivered on her neck made her squeal.

Iris decided to stop teasing him, so she hooked her fingers on the hips of his boxers and brought them down carefully.

The view she was presented with was mouth-watering, but scared her at the same time.

He was beautiful, hard and veiny, with his tip leaking and swollen.

He was more than anything she had ever had and she was a bit scared.

A little gasp escaped her lips, at the sight of him.

She nervously started biting her bottom lip.

He saw the struggle in her eyes and stroked her brows with his thumb.

"What's worrying you, love? Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you, I promise. All you have to do is say "stop" and I am going to stop, no matter what. Plus, we don't have to do anything if you don't feel like it." He kissed her gently, stroking her back and she melted into his touch.

He broke the kiss and whispered onto her lips.

"Now if I remember it correctly, we were going for round two, weren't we?" He said, smirking and making her blush.

Iris nodded and his lips dropped to her throat and then lower, to her breasts. Her hands wandered to his hair and then started exploring the skin of his strong back.

His fingers started stroking between her legs again, and, at the same time, the storm worsened outside, after a few minutes of silence.

"Now I am going to put a finger inside of you, is this OK?" He asked kindly, still stroking her with the pads of his fingers, keeping a steady rhythm.

Iris breathed a little "please" and he brought his middle finger to her entrance, caressing her beautifully.

He pressed it inside of her slowly, just the tip at first, and, once she told him she was ok, he pushed it all the way in.

"You are soaked" he whispered and she kissed him again.

He started moving his finger inside of her and, at the same time, his thumb circled her clit, repeatedly.

Iris whispered his name languidly and he added another finger, making her sigh and bite her lips.

He gave an experimental curl upwards of his fingers, while dragging them out of her and her jaw fell open in a silent scream. Her nails were digging into his shoulders.

"You like this, love?" He asked smugly and she nodded, unable to speak, just when his fingers were repeating the motion.

He kept doing that, alternating it with the scissoring of his fingers to get her used to him, being careful not to hurt her.

"I am going to put one more, love, just relax for me." He kissed her shoulder.

She nodded, but it was easier said than done.

He was bringing her close again.

The third finger made her clench her teeth at first, because of a little sting of pain, but he was so good with them that she forgot about it almost immediately.

She was sure her wetness was starting to trickle down his palm.

He kept massaging her clit with his thumb and she felt like she could explode any moment.

He brought her foot up again, on the edge of the couch, making him feel deeper inside of her. His lips once again found her ear and he spoke softly what were the dirtiest words that she had ever heard.

"I can feel these little muscles here milking my fingers baby. You are so warm. I know you are close, let go, c'mon. Cum for me again so I can fill your precious cunt with my throbbing cock".

He bit her neck the moment she took his length gently into her warm hand and started stroking him slowly, gaining a strangled gasp from him.

He felt hot and heavy in her hand, his tip resting proud and red on her wrist.

His skin was so soft she couldn't deny she would have loved to have him in her mouth and taste him.

Iris felt a little nervous about touching him, she didn't know if she was doing it right, but the little noises escaping his lips told her he liked it.

He pushed her over the edge with a curled motion that had the heel of his hand brush on her clit.

She had to stop touching him, her hands flying to his shoulders for balance.

Her orgasm was punctuated by his name falling from her lips on repeat.

Lightning and thunder followed in rapid succession, signaling that the storm was very close, again.

He kissed her deeply and she could feel how sore her lips were because of so many kisses.

But she wanted more of him.

She was starving for his touch even if he still had his fingers inside her.

He slowly pulled them out of her, making a little sigh escape her lips.

Then, with the smuggest smirk Iris had ever seen on his lips, he brought his soaked fingers right in front of his mouth.

Maintaining a burning eye contact with her, he started licking them clean with slow broad strokes of his tongue, flat on his fingers.

Iris didn't even think twice. She started doing the same, eyes in eyes with him, meeting his tongue on his fingers in the process.

"Iris, fuck" He groaned and with his wet hand grabbed her throat, squeezing the sides lightly and making her whimper.

With a swift motion of his other arm and his hips, he pushed the couch she was sitting on towards the wall behind her, making it slam against it with a loud screeching sound on the floor and an even louder bang on the wall.

Her head was pressed against the wall now and she couldn't look anywhere but in his eyes.

He looked like a Greek god, or more like the devil itself at that moment.

He took a good look at her, all spread out in front of him, completely naked and absolutely helpless.

He could have told her anything, the dirtiest things.

But instead, with his raspy voice that was a bit strained, betraying his neediness against his somehow collected behavior, he stated simple words that made Iris almost cry.

"Has anybody ever told you how beautiful you are?" He whispered on her lips.

She answered him truthfully and shyly, shaking her head no and putting her right hand around his wrist, keeping his hand on her throat.

"So beautiful" he got closer and kissed her again.

Iris wanted to stay like that forever.

"You are stunning too Jake, I thought this the exact moment you came into my room in the hospital." She confessed, blushing.

"Well, your mom had a very different opinion" He answered laughing. Iris laughed too at the memory of the rude comment about his long hair her mother made that day.

"You don't even know how much I love your long hair. You look astonishing with it framing your face. I love it" Iris told him whispering into his ear and tugging at it lightly to prove her point.

He laughed and leant his forehead on her shoulder.

"You are a little tease. You are giving me a hard time. Literally" he said and started sucking a mark on her collarbone.

Then his mouth went lower and lower, until he was licking again between her folds.

Her hands were in his hair, tugging and stroking it, making him hiss and hum in pleasure.

With a delectable wet sound, he detached from her and straightened his back.

"I'll be right back" he told her and walked towards his bag on a nearby chair.

He started rummaging inside it and came back with a little square foil in his hand that caught the light of the lightning.

Iris couldn't deny that she was a bit nervous.

He came back in front of her and opened it with his teeth.

The sight alone was almost enough to make her almost come untouched.

She bit her lower lip and he mirrored her, placing the condom over his length with a slow careful motion, groaning and watching her closely.

"Are you ok with this? You know, we don't have to." He whispered.

In response she wrapped her legs around his hips.

"Yes I am sure, please Jake." She begged him.

He came closer to her ear and took her lobe between his perfect teeth.

"Please what?" He whispered into her ear.

Then, he leant his forehead against hers and spoke directly onto her lips.

"I want you to say it," his eyes were burning into hers and she had to squeeze hers shut with a whimper.

Nobody had ever spoken to her like that.

And honestly, she didn't want him to stop.

Her skin blushed like never before but she obliged. She mirrored his actions, bringing his lobe into her mouth and biting it lightly.

"Please Jake, fuck me" she whispered into his ear.

In the exact moment Iris finished the sentence, she felt his tip brush against her slit and clit making her jolt from the surprise.

"Shh, don't be afraid, I am going to do it slowly." He whispered, reassuringly.

"Ready?" He whispered and she kissed him, mumbling a quiet 'yes' onto his lips.

He lined himself to her entrance and pushed forward very carefully.

Iris gripped his shoulders, nails drawing little crescent moons on his skin.

Even though he had prepared her, it still hurt a little.

Her breath caught in her throat and she whimpered, causing him to stop immediately.

"Iris, look at me." At that moment she noticed that she had closed her eyes.

"Relax love, breathe. Breathe for me and relax your tummy." He instructed her, cooing into her ear.

She tried to do as he told her and he placed a hand on her abdomen, praising her.

"That's it love, just like this. I can feel you relaxing beautifully around me. Good girl." He whispered, his lips placing little kisses along her jaw.

She leant her head on his shoulder and followed his directions, taking deep breaths.

"Now I am going to push forward a little bit more, ok?" He whispered into her ear.

His voice was a bit strained because of the effort of holding back and not pushing all the way in already.

"Please, go " she told him.

He did it, slowly and carefully.

She could feel every ridge of him stroking her from the inside and it was breathtaking.

The sting was still there but nothing compared with the shocks of pleasure that flooded through her body.

The storm was hitting again in full force.

He finally pushed all the way in and sighed.

"Are you ok? How is your leg? I almost forgot about it" He asked her in a strained whisper and stroked her scars with his fingers.

Iris clenched involuntarily around him, making him groan.

"Yes, Jake, I am ok" she breathed into his neck, whining lightly into his neck.

He grasped her face between his hands and kissed her. At the same time he pulled out and pushed in again slowly, making her breath catch in her throat.

His eyes searched hers again and she nodded at his silent question.

He could move again.

He repeated the motion, forehead pressed against hers, mouth agape and fiery eyes.

He kept going and, after a while, he sped up his pace a little.

His hands were on her waist now, digging deeply in her skin and keeping her in place, while he fucked her.

She hoped he left marks there.

Her hands were in his hair and on his back clawing at it and scratching, when he delivered a particularly harsh thrust making them both moan.

He kissed her again, and grabbed her left leg under her knee.

He hooked his elbow underneath it and pushed inside of her, making her almost scream.

He felt so big and so deep with that new angle, that she clenched harshly around him.

"God, Jake, don't ever stop, please" she breathed in his neck.

"I am not planning on stopping, love" he breathed and leant down, biting down on the side of her breast.

She moaned his name lowly and he started sucking on her skin, keeping his pace steady.

Her hands were stroking his back but she let them fall a little further down, on his perfect ass.

So many times, she had caught herself staring at his ass. In her defense, it was his joggers' fault. That fabric hugged him always so perfectly and it was impossible not to stare.

A little whine escaped his lips when she grabbed him slightly, to spur him to pick up his pace again if he needed it and he did, changing the angle of his deep thrusts.

She was quickly approaching her high because that new angle allowed him to reach a spot inside of her that had her back arching and her walls squeezing him tightly, making him groan through clenched teeth.

Reading her body, he reached between the two of them to stroke her clit with his thumb and whispered onto her mouth.

"I can feel how close you are. Let go, love, relax and cum for me. I want to feel your pretty cunt strangle me." He groaned.

His words were always so dirty, that Iris was afraid that, if he tried, he could make her come untouched, only by talking her through it.

But she would lie if she said he didn't make her extremely wet anytime he opened that sinful talented mouth of his.

One of her hands grabbed his wrist that was stroking her clit and the other went to the back of his head pulling him into another heated kiss.

He stroked her clit with his knuckles and she came.

She was trembling in his arms, her forehead pressed against his and eyes squeezed shut. She kept breathing his name and begging him not to stop.

Lightning and thunder were flashing rapidly and booming loudly all around them.

Both of her legs wrapped strongly around his hips, trapping him there.

A few deep thrusts later, with a low drawn out "Fuck, Iris" groaned through gritted teeth, he came.

He looked otherworldly, hot and delectable, skin gleaming because of the sweat, hair damp and mouth agape, with his head leant slightly backwards.

He kept moving for a bit more, riding out his orgasm and then stopped completely.

Her legs were still wrapped around his hips.

She didn't want to let him go.

They both tried to catch their breaths, listening to the whistling of the wind and the booming of thunders in each other's arms.

After a while, he kissed her forehead and slowly pulled out of her warmth, shivering and untangling her legs from around himself delicately.

Iris winced lightly and he stroked her back with tender fingers.

He took off the condom and went to dispose of it, but she almost lost her balance.

He steadied her with his free hand and smiled smugly.

"Lay down, darling, I don't want you to fall on the floor" he said laughing.

"Don't laugh at me". Iris pouted and told him.

He came back still naked and stroked her cheek.

"You are beautiful" he whispered and she blushed.

He chuckled and moved his hand along her body landing on her thigh.

The slightly callous pad of his thumb traced her long scars there and she shivered again.

His eyes never left hers.

They held so much intensity and softness, she almost felt like crying when he asked her if she was ok.

He helped her stand and she leant her head against his chest breathing in his scent and placing a sweet pec on his sternum where she had marked him earlier. He kept stroking her messy hair.

"What about we take a shower?" He whispered into her ear.

His hand was caressing her spine and was making light shivers of need crawl up her skin, again.

She nodded and he picked her up to take her to the bathroom.

He placed her down on the cold tile floor and turned the water on.

He jumped in first to check the temperature and then helped her inside the shower with him.

As soon as the water enveloped her, she noticed how cold she was.

She shivered and he noticed.

Immediately, his arms wrapped around her from behind so that he could share his constant warmness with her.

She felt so good like that and she melted into his touch, leaning her head back on his shoulder.

His beautiful voice reached her ears again making her shiver for a very different reason.

"I was thinking, would you like to go out to dinner tonight, since the weather seems to have calmed down?" He said and, immediately, was interrupted by a booming thunder and pouring rain.

They both chuckled.

"What if we order something and crash at my place?" She suggested.

He kissed her shoulder and accepted.

They toweled off together and he left her alone to retrieve some clean clothes for the both of them.

Iris couldn't stop smiling.

She felt so happy, happier than she had been in years.

He came back and caught her smiling to herself.

She saw the smirk spreading onto his face through the reflection in the mirror and blushed.

"You are so cute when you blush" he said, his voice deep and raspy as he approached her from behind.

His gaze locked onto hers in the mirror.

She felt his entire body come flush against hers and his lips a millimeter away from her ear.

"You make me wanna give you a good reason to blush for." He said, even lower than before.

His thumb traced the length of her spine.

She needed him again and he knew it.

His hips pushed sensuously against hers, pressing her very lightly against the sink.

She could feel him stirring to life again behind the thin layer of the towels separating the both of them.

She gathered all the self control she seemed to have lost around him and told him that it was better to head to her house before the storm raged again.

She averted her eyes from his simply because she couldn't resist him. His burning fiery gaze was one of the many things about him that made her so impossibly wet and weak that she couldn't trust her legs.

Avoiding it was mainly for survival purposes.

She knew that if his beautiful brown eyes met hers again in their current state of undress and proximity, she would succumb to him yet again.

She heard the smirk in his voice when he answered her, placing a chaste but tingling kiss in the middle of her shoulder blades.

"Yes, doll, we better go, wouldn't want to lose precious time again" he whispered with a final push of his hips.

________________________________

He knew exactly what she was thinking.

Next chapter

Taglist: @gvfpal @jessicafg03 @sammyslappers @spark-my-nature @hellowgoodbye @highladyofasgard @sparrowofthedawnsworld @doodle417

#greta van fleet #greta van fic #greta van smut #gvf fic #fanfic #jake gvf #jake kiszka #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka x reader

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simpfiles · 2 years ago

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Sweet Paprika

a sexually repressed workaholic business woman enlists the services of the office’s fuqboi to help her be comfortable/confident enough sexually to seduce the man of her dreams. despite being only 12 issues the plot is jam packed with all the typical hallmark tropes but with a pg-13 rating (for the american release) and characters that hold more depth than expected.

the series is shockingly vanilla for a comic about devils and angels, which serves more for aesthetics and puns than lore or plot purposes. but there are two possible trigger warnings to be cautious about and that’s the initial slut shaming that’s prevalent through the first six issues and an emotionally manipulative ex.

the art is beautiful and stylized in a colorful cartoonish way that doesn’t take itself too seriously. it’s a shame that half of pages are over saturated by text that go to great lengths of spoon feeding the reader exposition. while the ending does resolve itself rather quickly, the journey was a fun ride. if you’re looking for a feel good comic with a happy ending then look no further. i laughed, i cried, i gave it a 4 out of 5 stars and put the spoilers part of my review below a read more.

i will come right out and admit my bias for this comic is deeply rooted in the fact that found myself projecting on to so many elements of this story it was insane. paprika’s relationship with sex, dill’s relationship with his father, anisette desire for recognition, even paprika’s trash ex, burnet, it was like mirka cherry picked aspects of my life and rewrote it into a romcom.

but aside from that, i really enjoyed how all the characters in the series whether protag or antag were given a chance to be more than just their archetype. no one is inherently all “good” or “bad” or too far beyond redemption (even brunet >:I) and speaking of characters i just want to gush over a few of the main players.

paprika. sweet sweet paprika. i love her so much. as far as romcom heroines go, she’s not as intolerantly volatile as some of the hallmark ones. i appreciate that she tries clear up misconceptions through actually talking to the other person and actually admits when she’s in the wrong (something that seems to be an impossible task for most hallmark heroines). her need to always clarify “petting included” is also a lil fun gag.

dill. need me a dill pickle sandwich amirite?? [[BRICKED]] i shouldn’t like this man as much as i do. he has all the makings of a typical fuqboi manchild and yet his desire to be “good” and pathetic allure has me captivated. also his communicate skills are next level. he stands talls where all other romcom heroes fail and i respect him so much for that + cute doggie uwu

za’atar. look, i don’t love him but i get it. he has a nasty temper, and a perfect mixture of possessive but still respectful. i like the contrast between his romantic life vs work vs the version that paprika has made up in her head of him.it’s very multifaceted. and i LOVE how nervous in bed he is. it’s not that he’s inexperienced but gosh, what a loser. i am once again captivated.

burnet. hate him. wish he had a worst fate.

anisette. bby girl bby girl. ty mirka so much for making more complex than the Bitch(TM). she’s still an archetype but a good one. i wish her nothing but love and happiness. i enjoy that she brings out a different side of za’atar and was able to be with him without being the “second” choice.

like i said, the ending was way too rushed bu this is one series where i’m glad everyone gets a happy ending (expect for burnet. die) and that’s a testament to just how great the characters are.

#Sweet Paprika #xian #ranted up a storm on this one #but gosh i really do love it so and hope others will read it and talk about it with me #a free version is linked in the title

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dreamwritesimagines · 1 year ago

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It’s CMA-

Y’know I was going to say that I want Anthony to get in here to kick her dad’s ass but that I didn’t think that clover would handle it well if Anthony knew her secret, but honestly I feel like Anthony doesn’t need an explanation; he would just hear that his family is in trouble and need no further details, just doing whatever he can to absolutely ruin her dad.

I loved seeing protective Ben and also having clover see Ben defending her as a good thing, instead of what I’ve been worried about. I also love that we got to see her and Josie’s support system in action.

I don’t think clover even realizes that as much as these people are there for Ben and Josie, they’re there for her too. People care about her and it’s actually such a good thing. I think we’re going to see the full extent of what their support system looks like in action, and I for one cannot wait to see that.

I also love the idea of like… clover seeing that there are good people out there that care for her and that she can trust and depend on other people.

Plus that moment of Andrew staying with Josie and Ben with clover, just knowing that no matter what they are never leaving their side, and living up to the commitments they’ve made to their partners (platonic or otherwise).

As always I love the attention to detail: the disinfectant I’m assuming is typical for the era knowing you and knowing the fact that I didn’t recognize the name, plus the nod to the fact that Ben’s entire livelihood and future career all depend on him being able to use his hand and the things that go with that, and that he was and is willing to put all of that at risk for her.

He’s saying that nothing is more important than clover to him- not even his art, which until he met her was his entire world. His hopes and dreams come secondary to her safety, and that is so, so beautiful and tragic and incredible of him.

I also love that Josie and clover both have support systems now, and so does teddy for that matter. I love that everyone around them is more than willing to sacrifice for them and their real family because they love them, and it’s such a stark contrast to the beginning of their stories when they couldn’t trust anyone but each other and themselves.

I love that clover and Josie are both in places where they can be emotionally healthy enough to recognize the threat and respond to them rather than just having a break down and panicking. They may not realize it, but that is such a dramatic contrast to the first few chapters when clover had a panic attack at any mention of her previous life.

She has emotionally matured so, so much and I am so proud of her for being able to (relatively) calmly and rationally respond to this threat.

I also love Ben being able to know how to calm clover down. He knew the flower game would get her mind off things and make her happy. That’s not even to mention the part where he literally stood between her and her father.

I am nervous to see if clover’s mother tries a different tactic to like guilt her or something. With her dad it’s very black and white- it’s easy to hate him, it’s very overt, but with her mother it’s complicated because she abused clover and let her be abused, but I feel like in these fics the mom is painted in a better light in which it’s like ‘but you were also a victim so let me help you get out of there’.

I don’t see clover as being one to help her mom out of this hole, but also I may be misremembering but I feel like her mom was also strongly abusive as well. And I get that the issues with her mom can be significantly more complicated, in part due to the factors I’ve named, but I’ll be interested to see if instead of a physical threat, her mom becomes an emotional one to try and manipulate clover in some way.

Ugh this is such a good story!!! I love them so, so much and I’m glad you’re back!!!

CMA honey hiiiii! 🥰❤️

Oh yeah, Anthony would not hesitate to protect his family and that includes Clover as well now! ❤️ So he wouldn't even ask for details and just rush to her help ❤️

Protective Ben! 🥰 We're going to see a lot of him in the following chapters❤️

Clover has an actual family now that would do anything for her, and it will surprise her to see that they are in fact protective of her ❤️ For so long it was just Josie and her, and now...🥰

It was actually important for me to depict Josie and Andrew's friendship well, because they are so loyal to each other and most of the time we see that within romantic sense in the stories ❤️ But like, they're actually best friends who would do anything for each other and that doesn't make it any less valuable than a romantic relationship, you know what I mean? ❤️

The disinfectant, omg you noticed that detail yesss! ❤️ That's actually regarded as one of the very first disinfectants! ❤️

the nod to the fact that Ben’s entire livelihood and future career all depend on him being able to use his hand and the things that go with that, and that he was and is willing to put all of that at risk for her.

THIS! YESSSS! ❤️

Omg I'm so happy to hear this, that's exactly what I meant to depict ❤️ Because for Benedict, Clover's safety and happiness comes first and he's not going to let her father insult her, ever ❤️

That's so true! ❤️ If it were at the beginning of the story, Clover would have had a completely different reaction to her father showing up, but she actually feels so safe with Benedict that she reacts accordingly even under extreme stress 🥰

Benedict knows her so well😍 And him standing between her and her father, he always puts himself between her and any harm that might come in her way❤️

Oooh absolutely, we will see her mother soon, and she used to hit Clover and Josie as well, just not like their father 💔 But she also used sort of like a manipulation like you said, it was more of an emotional pressure and such 💔

Things will be very tense in the following chapters😈

Thank you so so much for this darling! ❤️❤️❤️

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bonesandthebees · 1 year ago

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hello! ive been very skillfully avoiding reading other peoples reactions because once again i am behind by two chapters!!

so chapter five here we go!

i like that tommy’s just like a kid having a grand ole time and wilbur is like “this guys SUCKS.” its very silly

i just semi-recently read jane eyre so the curtains on fire are giving rochester’s curtains on fire but that was because his wife that he hid away lit them on fire whilst he was sleeping not because of you know an accident of sorts but anyways

i like that tommy is just tommy living his best life

to the city they go!!!

i like their interactions just in the carriage its interesting

FLOWERS RAHHHHHHHHHHH

(i wont go into flower imagery right now because that would leave us here for a while and while they might have meaning they most likely do not in this sensebut god i love flowers and all their meanings and even the way they coincide with characters and ahhh)

i like that wilbur can read her it makes sense for his character but now we get to see how perceptive tommy is which is basically not at all in this case at least

and wilbur is helping despite his hatred and his thoughts dont cross phil and how he would want him to help, but its a rather decision solely based on his own conscience and that is an interesting thing

and then theres tommy who takes everything as a challenge and yeah i just am intrigued by them

but this time wilbur holds himself because of phil and thats the contrast between the things he does for him and the things he does for his dad

tommy is doing things!!!

and i like this

i like that this shows tommy’s morals, it shows that he understands he has power in his position he just prefers to be a kid rather than have to act with that power constantly and i think that is telling of how he would be as an heir to the throne because he doesn’t act for the power he acts for the people

and hes a good person, exactly that wilbur, he doesnt play the games of politics and that is what makes him interesting

i like that in this situation wilbur knows what would be good and bad options and it sets him up to be able to better evaluate their answers from his own view

blank slate

and now tommy gets to go to the place because he is a possible heir interesting

anyways i enjoyed this chapter! i think it gave good insight on all the heirs character in a sense and how they would be as a leader and its just kind of setting that stage but anyways time for the next chapter!

- 🪿

lol yeah the contrast between wilbur and tommy in ch 5 is so funny. tommy is just a kid goofing around and wilbur is like "I hate my fucking life why am I stuck with him" he's such a dramatic teenager

gonna be 100% honest I don't really use a lot of flower language symbolism solely bc I feel like depending on the source you go off of you can find totally different meanings for the same flower like there seems to be very little consistency across the board and I never know what the 'right' source to use is. this isn't to say there is no flower language/symbolism is the fic, the references to roses are very intentional. and there are hints to certain things with the flowers mentioned in the palace garden but it's not exactly... symbolism, per se. anyway, you're more than welcome to analyze the flower language of the flowers at the market, just know that I didn't look into that at all and just chose the flowers mentioned there mostly based off vibes lol

yeah I liked pointing out that wilbur wasn't trying to help tommy with the seashell seller because of his father's orders, he genuinely didn't want to watch a 13 year old get ripped off

tommy is a blank slate like phil said. he's young and idealistic and most importantly, a good person. and one could say the reason he's still good is because he hasn't gotten involved in the games yet. you'll have to wait and see if he stays that way as the story progresses

ty I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter!!!

#ask #goose anon #rose ch 5

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cocained · 10 months ago

Text

for mason it was anything but easy to make promises. mostly because when he made them, he would never break it and he didn't know what was ahead. however, he did know himself. there was a constant current that he felt in most of his relationships, where it was either his uncontrollable pull or his defensive push that made out his actions. they were entering foreign territory and he had no idea what was going to happen as they continued down this path. all he knew was that he could only tell dante the truth. "no promises — but i don’t think so though, no." mason was the person, in contrast to the other, to always see obstacles on the road and he wished he had ever been wrong before at least once to disprove his point. he hoped this time would be different, but he knew better than to count on it. although, he did know for sure it would have nothing to do with the way he felt about dante. a feeling he wasn't quite sure to put into words yet. it was familiar and it shouldn't be because it was not the same as the attraction he had for anyone before. mason remembered the crazy things he had done in order to have someone look at him the way dante did. to be seen and heard. for it to matter when he smiled or frowned. for someone to notice when he stayed quiet because that was what he was used to doing, yet not what he wanted to do. "would be nice, yeah." not that the thought of dante wasn't already the highlight of his showers. the idea of being filmed while having sex would certainly bring an extra layer of awareness as well as more motivation to perform. he was sure the other would be able to put on a good show. that was what dante was known for after all. he was glad that they were leaving the bar behind because no matter how nice the vodka was that went down his throat like water, it didn't even come close to the taste of dante's lips on his, now that it was just them. "there's a very fine line between those two those two kinds of mad. you'll just have to figure it out." a line that even mason hadn't perfected. he couldn't tell dante what and what not to do if he wanted to get spanked and deepthroated as a form of punishment. or most importantly, what not to do to actually make him mad. nevertheless, he saw that dante was trying to test the waters. to see what buttons he could push and what would happen if he did. it was obvious in the bar, arguable not only to mason, but regardless he appreciated the discipline the other had to respect his boundaries. "we'll go to a club one day, dante. and we'll dance together. — but next weekend, i have a game and if we win, the team is definitely celebrating. you can come to the party if you want." celebrations with the toledo tigers were honestly better than any other party he had been to, but it was the sort of environment where they couldn't be intimate. out of respect for his ex, even though mason would probably have to watch the man kiss another, but mostly because of the way he still didn't feel completely comfortable with his sexuality in an environment that was that masculine. "you can be any kind of person you want to be dante." he knew that the people that raised the beauvais children didn't qualify for role models, but he saw something genuine and good in dante. he saw someone who had been through a lot, but knew how to smile through the pain. a drink helped with that, sure — but their conversations weren't based on just drunk talk. "i don't think you understand. i had a relatively good childhood. i've never missed a day of school or skipped a meal. my parents have never scolded me or hurt me. and yeah, it wasn't — perfect and i've had to work hard to be where i am today, but who hasn't? my whole team has done that." his gaze was forced back to the warm eyes in front of him as mason's chin was lifted and he wasn't quite sure how to express himself at this point. the feeling of a gentle, yet calloused hand against this cheek didn't necessarily make it easier to think, as nice as it felt.

"i don't understand how you think i'm strong when i cave, every fucking time you speak to me." this was the moment where he got to scoff because the admiration dante spoke about was undeserved. disbelief settled on his face at the words that followed, but in a way that was still subtle enough not to make the other feel ridiculous. "i don't want you to think that i'm someone i'm not. i'm not — good, just because i have discipline and care about what you have to say. that doesn't make me a good person." he wished he could explain all the ways he was fucked up, but a lot of it he didn't understand himself. a lot of it was what he had heard from others. like being short-tempered, childish and not knowing what he wanted. his many questionable attempts to bring out a reaction in people whether it was good or bad, worth it to him because he preferred that over quietness. "it's not a pretty sight." the hockey player warned dante as the conversation moved to the lighter topic of exercising. finding it relatively more difficult to switch his emotions that rapidly, but at least there was a softness on mason's face as he spoke. the two of them working out was the last thing he wanted to be thinking of right now, so the way their bodies collided was an easy way for him to move on from that. the last time they had kissed wasn't even that long ago but felt like an eternity now that he was filled up with the warmth of the other, which he had missed. the world around them didn't exist for a good matter of seconds when the smile appeared on dante's face. that was the realization hit him that for that sight — mason would go to the end of the earth and back. "i like hearing you babble though." the sparkle in mason's eyes had to be noticeable, although he hesitated about the way he wanted to follow up on his comment. "it's not so easy for me to talk about it. to stop thinking so much and — stop worrying about whether i'm saying something wrong or if should say it at all." this had to be the most vulnerable he had opened himself up to dante and the words left his mouth his point was proven by the way he was clearly calculating his sentences in his head before he spoke them. then again mason was really trying. "it's not me hiding, though. i've got nothing to hide." it sounded like a promise and it was, because he didn't want dante to feel like he was doing it on purpose. "does it not make you happy?" as the question left mason, something clicked inside. in the short moment that his focus shifted away from the conversation, he thought about how it was the same for him. hockey was his life, that was what he had always told everyone and what it felt like, but it was never something he actually chose. it was all just a hopeless attempt to bring the family together, not something he did because it made him happy. "you're allowed to complain. you don't have to have figured it all out yet." mindless digits travelled along the fabric on dante's chest and he barely even felt the cold bite of the breeze of wind passing them. "i'm proud, but every game i still look in the audience hoping that one day —" he swallowed the sudden lump that appeared in his throat and stared at the wall behind dante to be able to admit this to even himself. "that one day i'll see my parents in the stands and see them proud." a hollow chuckle passed his lips at how ridiculous it sounded and mason now focused on the ground below him. "it's stupid after all this time — and disappointing, but i can't shut it off." with a shake of his head he finally looked at dante again, wondering if that had ever been on his mind too. "what i want? i wish i had an answer. maybe i wanna travel one day. or just leave everything behind and start over. but that's only after i retire from the league. and if — i don't have a reason to stay." there was a reason now and mason was looking at it, although there was no guarantee it would last that long.

that there even was a them at this point because, besides the hours of having sex that weekend in the cabin and their many deep conversations, they were technically friends. a hum rumbled out from deep inside of him when dante challenged his ability to make him scream. it wasn't the first time he saw those glistening eyes and it had the corners of mason's mouth slightly lifted upwards. "if you're not ready to be fucked like a dirty, screaming slut then just say, love. — we can take it slow." with the emphasis on the part that mattered, his own gaze darkened as they went from dante's lips back to honeyed hues. two could play that game. their hands holding each other out in public felt like somewhat of a risk, although it was worth it. mason didn't see the excitement in the other, but he could sure feel it. then again, having the car door close behind him was like somewhat of a relief. with a smile aimed at dante, he listened and reacted to each sentence with only the slightest facial expressions. the pillow of his thumb gently stroking along the back of dante's. "only a little bit." despite the uber driver being in the back of his head, mason planted a short kiss straight onto dante's lips regardless and looked at him reassuringly. he really didn't mind the babbling. "we're going to your place. and i promise, as long as it has a bed or a couch or something — it'll do."

a mix of confusion and excitement surges through his chest at mason's words, "does that mean you're not gonna do what you've been doing again?" his mouth curls into an excited smile, wishing nothing more than feeling like he could reach out to touch mason in public right now, wishing that they were already so much closer than they actually were. dante had this habit of wishing for things he knew he couldn't have, always envisioning himself being able to accomplish more than he could, or faster than he could - this was seeming to be no different, overly ambitious about how quickly he could get to the next stage of their relationship, but he couldn't stop the tug in his chest that pulled him to mason (no matter how much he also wanted to run the opposite direction). he wasn't sure when he had started to fall for mason; now that they were clearly accepting that a line had been crossed, he had started to wonder if it had slowly been happening the entire time he thought he had been building a friendship. and now? he felt like he was in so deep that he was drowning, pulled deeper in each time that mason's mouth opened and they teased each other, each time mason told him something new about himself, "nah, not a prude," teeth press into his bottom lip, pointedly dragging his gaze down to his lips, his voice dropping even lower, growing thicker with each passing second, "just imagining how nice it would be to have a video." his eyebrows raise at the warning, his innate curiosity piqued. he hadn't ever seen mason angry; honestly, he hadn't really thought about it past a few passing comments he had made about wanting to see mason fight on the ice, "i think i do wanna see that. maybe not mad at me? unless its like, the fun kinda mad where you're gonna put me over your knee and spank me." his face softened for a moment, the words rushed out, "i don't want to actually make you mad." eyes roll and he sighs, "yes, i know we did, but you said that here wasn't the environment. what about next weekend? you can take me out to an actual club, even though i hate them, so we can dance. compromise, right?" the cool air outside helped to calm him even though it was a topic he would typically run from, even from his own thoughts, "i don't know. i should be able to, right? but it seems like i still always do the same shit they do. its like a fuckin' curse." the thought crossed his mind that even this - allowing himself to fall so quickly and so hard for mason was the same thing that his father had allowed to happen, that had resulted in his downfall (at least from dante's perspective). and despite the fact that he was falling, hard and fast, he still found himself feeling like he needed to run away - to abandon, just like his mother had. it took everything in him to give in to the desire he had to cling to mason, to fight against all of the contradictory feelings mason brought out in him. dante could easily dispense compliment after compliment to mason, but he had started to catch on that each time, mason seemed uncomfortable. this time was no different, hesitation in the acceptance, eyes dropping away from dante's. dante places a hand under mason's chin, tipping it back up until their eyes meet again, "its the truth, mase. do you not think you are?" one eyebrow raises, his head shaking back and forth, "its not about me - i was complimenting you." his hand moves from under his chin to rest gently on his cheek, fingertips pressing into his cheekbone, "you're one of the strongest people i know, mase. i admire you so much - i..," its his turn to hesitate, eyes anxiously shifting between mason's, "i think you're too good for me - i'm gonna mess you up, but i don't care - and i'm sorry about that." he hates that he's confessing so much to mason so easily, but it was the curse of their relationship having been built on friendship - dante knew he had so much more to lose, he trusted mason already and it made it near impossible to keep his mouth shut, something he already struggled with, without the trust.

his heart practically soars at how easily they're able to switch back into playfulness that instead of bringing an uncomfortable feeling to his chest, made him feel like he was floating on top of the world, "oh, absolutely. i don't know what a split jump is, but everything you do is so sexy that i'd fuckin' pay to watch you." and when mason's eyes close for a second, it happens again - feeling like he's floating over the clouds. he genuinely didn't understand how he had managed to convince someone like mason that he was worth their time, but he was more and more grateful each day that their relationship progressed that he had - even if there was a voice (no matter how quiet) in the back of his head reminding him that at any point, he could lose all of this - all of the good that came with mason, all of the stability. so yes, it was that bad that he couldn't stop himself from confessing things that he hadn't even dared to admit to himself yet, but mason always had the right things to say - just like now. that he could listen to him talk for hours. the simple gesture meant so much more than he knew how to verbalize. again making him feel like he was soaring, but at the same time, it only increased the fear that was growing inside of him. the possibility that mason felt as strongly as he did was terrifying and electrifying all at the same time. the electrifying feeling in his chest winning out this time, a bright smile appearing on his face, despite fear being the reason that his heart was pounding in his chest as he pushed onto his toes to shove his lips against mason's in a quick, almost playful kiss, "i could talk to you for hours, as long as you talk back. i feel like i'm always babbling and you're just... letting me." a sigh shoves through his lips, shoulders shrugging, "yeah, i'm proud of it." it wasn't that he wasn't proud of all the things that he had accomplished, "but what if that wasn't ever what i wanted to do? i don't really... know? if that makes sense. just kinda... stumbled into it." he was more than well aware of the level of talent that he possessed - a lot of it had come naturally, but just as much of it had been his hard work and determination to pull himself out of the life he had grown up in, "but i can't really complain, you know? i know how fuckin' lucky i am to live the life i do." eyebrows raise, "so why aren't you glowing with pride? you know how many people would kill to be able to do what you do?" the things that mason could do with his body never failed to amaze dante - watching him skate was like nothing he had ever seen, now that he had finally been to a game, finally watched him do what he had practiced so hard to do. dante's head tilts as he adds on that he used to think it was all he wanted, "what do you want now, if not only hockey?" mason was constantly surprising him, the shock clear on his face as his lips dropped open, "well, shit, mase." not one to be at a loss for words and somehow - mason had accomplished it twice in one night - no, twice in less than two hours, "don't think you could make me scream. moan? yes. whine? yes. ain't ever gonna get a scream out of me, though." were the words only meant to goad mason into making him scream? possibly? but he wanted to see if mason could actually make him scream, do something that no one had ever been able to accomplish before. his fingers grip onto mason's hand, thankful that he had the grip to be able to keep himself grounded through the teasing words. he was thankful for a moment that mason couldn't see the way his face lit up when he didn't let go of his hand and for the same moment - he let himself be happy in the delusion that they were together, officially and publicly. still distracted as mason tugged him towards the car, he was barely processing anything, too focused on the fact that mason was still holding onto his hand and pressing in next to him in the car, instead of sitting on the opposite side.

his eyes were still glued to their fingers, laced together and gripping onto one another, when mason brought up that he would be able to finally see his apartment. it was the only reason that his eyes were able to pull up from their hands, settling on mason's face, wide and anxious, "oh, right. you... might not like my place. compared to yours." a hand rubbed over the back of his neck, "maybe we should go back to yours instead? its not that i don't want you to see it? i don't want you to think that. i'm just... i'm babbling again. i'm sorry."

#littlcfreaks #⟨ ♦ | mason de graeff — dialogues ⟩#⟨ ♦ | to say that we're in love is dangerous — mason + dante ⟩#this is normal right?#totally not too long?

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staytheword · 2 years ago

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falling rain

falling rain — one shot [ back to general masterlist ]

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

• bang chan x female reader, other stray kids members are mentioned/featured, as well as other idols (itzy’s yeji, ateez’s san, nmixx's lily).

• non idol au, friends to lovers. angst, fluff, post breakup sadness and melancholia. drinking. explicit language. smut, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex.

• word count: 11k (11,199)

You fell out of love. It happens. All you need is time to piece yourself back together. But as you and your friends meet for a movie night, you don’t expect your ex to be there - yet he is, and it looks like he’s doing much better than you do. Luckily, your friends are there for you - especially Chan.

• permanent taglist: @ughbehavior ; @upallnight-s ; @changbinluvr ; @rosexjimin ; @nasiaisan

• story taglist: @tanyas97 ; @hyynee ; @moonlightcandy00 ; @drhsthl ; @flakeisthebest

• author’s note: Here it is! Thank you for your support on the preview, I am so glad you guys liked it and were excited for the full story. I hope you enjoy it! Take care <3

The rain is cold against your skin.

You look up at the sky through your transparent umbrella. Swirls of pale gray cover the horizon, blurred by drops of rain sliding down the plastic material. It was darker earlier - the rain will stop soon.

The bus stops in front of you, its brakes squeaking. You close your umbrella and get on, sitting where you usually do, at the back, next to the window. Placed between your legs, your umbrella is getting your jeans wet, but you don’t care. You close your eyes, letting the music in your ears soothe you. You’ve been taking the same bus route everyday for years, so you know exactly how much time you have before your stop. It’s not like you’re afraid of falling asleep, anyway. You never sleep in transportation, and it’s not like your mind has been able to rest easy recently.

Your playlist transports you through melancholic melodies, pianos and violins lulling your senses. Your favorite songs do not let you forget the ache - they remind you of it, softly, tenderly. That’s what you want, anyway.

You’re not interested in forgetting. You just want to heal.

When you open your eyes, your stop is a minute away. You press the button and get up, ignoring the inevitable looks of the other passengers on the bus. People are always staring. Always judging. Often, you care. These days, not so much. You can’t control them, what they do, what they think. They’ll see the shadows under your eyes, the pale skin, the chapped lips, and they’ll tell yourselves, she isn’t sleeping much. She looks terrible. She must be going through something.

So what if I am, you want to tell them? Aren’t we all?

When you step off the bus, it’s barely raining anymore and you decide not to open your umbrella. You let the rain slide through your hair, against your hands. You’re so cold but you’re used to it. You haven’t been able to warm up in a while. The rain feels good, actually. It makes you aware of your body, of your skin. As you walk towards your apartment building, you tilt your head backwards and let the rain fall down your cheeks like tears.

Daylight has almost vanished when you unlock your apartment door, and you step inside with a sigh. You’ve grown to hate this place so much, but there is nowhere else to go. You should look for another apartment, but moving seems like an insurmountable amount of shit to go through and you just don’t have the energy. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. Maybe.

You start by taking a shower, the boiling hot water contrasting with your icy cold skin. You wash your hair, apply lotion. Your movements are slow but you get there eventually. Wrapped in your bathrobe, you open your closet and stare at your clothes. It’s not that you hate them, you just have no idea what to choose. You’re not going someplace fancy, so you end up slipping on a simple pair of jeans and a warm sweater.

You should probably eat something, but your stomach is in a tight knot. There will be food at Yeji’s place, anyway.

As you check your phone and realize you still have some time before you have to leave, you let out a long sigh and sit on your bed. You’re not sure you really want to go, but your friends organized this movie night a while ago and they are excited for it. Yeji’s place is perfect for it - she has a projector, which allows the movies to play as wide as the wall. Everyone has been tasked to bring their favorite snacks and drinks. It’s going to be a chill night, and you’ll be happy to see your friends, but everything feels exhausting.

You promised you were going to be there. So you will go.

It’s not like they will bother you, anyway. They all know you pretty well, although some more than others, but they are all aware of what is going on with you. No secrets to have. Still you don’t want to be a bore, and you know you’ll do your best to smile throughout. It’s not that they want you to - but you’ll still do it. It’s just who you are.

At least he won’t be there. Yeji said he wouldn’t - had plans already, apparently. It would be okay if your ex was there - actually, you’ve seen him a couple of times already since your breakup. But you need to be in the right mindset - and today you aren’t, so it’s good he’ll be absent.

You let out a long sigh and stand up to dry your hair.

You apply simple makeup, a bit of eyeliner, some mascara. You put on your favorite necklace. You decide to wear perfume. Little things to make you feel better, like you aren’t crippled inside, like you don’t have a decaying organ in your chest. It’s recent, that you’re able to do that. A week ago you would’ve showed up in sweatpants and messy hair.

Little steps.

As you grab a tote bag to fill it with the snacks you bought yesterday, you get a text from Yeji.

Everything okay?

Come anytime <3

She’s checking up on you and you’re grateful for it. Not a lot of people do, not even your closest friends. You don’t blame them - you haven’t been good company and sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. Some of them have been anxious that your breakup with San will mess up their friend group, and in fear of seeming like they’re taking sides, they just decided not to say anything. They take care of you differently - but sometimes you hate that they can’t talk about it with you.

Yeji doesn’t do that. She’s been there for you at every step - and it’s not because she blames or dislikes San. It’s just different for you and her, because your friendship not only goes way back when your friend group got together, but also way beyond.

Leaving in 5, you text back, and she sends a heart emoji.

Once you’re ready, you slip on your jacket and stare at your reflection in the hallway mirror. You look your normal self, except for the obvious exhaustion on your face, and the slightly vacant look in your eyes.

You can do this.

You won’t let your stupid, broken heart define you or your life.

When you get to Yeji’s, she pulls you into a tight hug. A few people are already there - Jeongin is already snacking on a huge bowl of popcorn, talking to Lily, who’s on her phone scrolling down Pinterest boards. Changbin and his girlfriend, the newest addition to your friend group, are bundled up under a blanket on the couch and wave at you.

You follow Yeji to the kitchen, putting the cans of soda you brought in the fridge, adding your snacks to the pile on the counter.

“You look really pretty,” Yeji tells you with a smile. “Is that the sweater we got together the other day?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m still not sure about the color, though.”

“No, it suits you. I promise.”

You give her a sincere smile as she empties a bag of potato chips in a bowl. It’s quiet in the apartment, but you know it won’t last very long - except for Changbin, the loudest people have yet to arrive.

“How was work today?” Yeji asks.

“Fine,” you shrug. “Boring.”

She gives you a long look.

“You know you don’t have to stay there, right? You can find something else. With your skills it would be easy -”

“I know, Yeji,” you say in a low voice. “But not right now.”

You play with your nail polish, chipping a small piece from your thumb.

“Right now boring is good,” you nod, your voice a little more firm. “When I can focus more, I’ll look for something else. Promise.”

She smiles, taking your hand to give it a squeeze. “I just don’t want you to waste away where you don’t belong. You’re worth so much more.”

“I appreciate it.”

You put your head on her shoulder for a second as Jeongin’s laugh resonates through the apartment. It’s a sweet and familiar sound, and you start to believe it was a good idea to come.

Grabbing the filled bowls of potato chips, you and Yeji join the others in the living room. You sit down next to Jeongin, who quickly shows you the funny puppy video Lily has shown him, and you giggle at the screen. As Yeji starts to set up the projector, the door opens on a few more of your friends and you know it won’t be quiet anymore.

Chan, Jisung and Minho are yelling about something, raising the volume of the conversation a million dozen decibels, and you shake your head at the sight of them. Chaotic and loud as they are, even in your state you are grateful for them, because whatever the circumstances they can always make you smile, or, at least, provide welcome distractions.

They drop down in the remaining spots, either on the couch or the floor, Minho diving his hand down Jeongin’s popcorn bowl and Jisung arguing with Changbin about the type of beer he bought - of course, as usual, Jisung’s only answer to Changbin’s complaint is a simple traitor.

“THIS AGAIN…” Changbin yells at the top of his lungs.

You can’t help but smile. That game has been going on since Changbin moved out of his apartment with Jisung and Chan to move in with his girlfriend - Minho took his spot since, and there really isn’t any bad blood between them, but Jisung loves to remind Changbin how he abandoned them.

“Hey, Y/N,” Minho says, sitting down between you and Jeongin. You took the spot at the end of the couch, a blanket covering your legs. “How’s it going?”

“I’m okay,” you say with a smile. “What about you?”

“Fantastic. Did you check out that link I sent you?”

You start to talk a little - you and Minho work in a similar domain and it’s always nice to exchange ideas and anecdotes. You find yourself immersed in the conversation, the noise of all your friends chatting and laughing mixing into a background noise you can’t get enough of - it definitely helps the black hole inside your chest. You don’t feel so cold, you don’t feel so empty. You know it won’t last, and reality will catch up to you quickly, but for now you allow yourself to relax.

“Y/N.”

You turn towards Chan, who has stopped at your level. He’s smiling kindly at you, looking a little tired - but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Like you, Chan barely sleeps. Neither of you can stop the ceaseless train of thought in your heads - while you stare at the ceiling, Chan works.

“Hey, Channie.”

“You want something to drink?”

“Yeah, maybe a soda.”

“Cool, coming right up.”

“Oiiiii, what about me?” Minho whines.

He asks for a can of beer, followed by Lily who has finished her previous one, and soon everyone is yelling at Chan to bring them something to drink. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and you chuckle.

“Let me help you,” you say, standing up. “Y’all are lazy,” you add, squinting your eyes at your friends.

Their protests all tangle together and you laugh, following Chan to the kitchen.

Your friends.

They are all precious to you, all in their own way.

But Chan. Chan.

The first time you met him you felt your heartbeat accelerate because he looked so damn charming. A kind smile, eyes like stars, and an energy that immediately soothed you. It did not take long for you to develop a crush on him. How could you not? He was kind, funny, talented, and smart. He truly cared for the people in his life and never broke a promise. Handsome, too, of course. The kind of guy that made you weak in the knees, that sent your thoughts reeling whenever he touched you.

Your crush had always been one-sided though, which was fine. You had quickly worked to overcome your physical attraction to him and made it a priority to develop your friendship. Because Chan understood you. You found yourselves exchanging looks and agreeing on similar things often enough so that one day, you sat down next to him during a party to ask for advice and you ended up talking for hours, forgetting to get drunk like everyone else.

You are not particularly close. You don’t know everything about each other. You mostly see each other with the rest of your friend group - rarely alone. You don’t text each other everyday - in fact, you barely do. But he’s a steady presence in your life, a friend you rely on, and you know it’s the same for him.

Tonight, you’re especially grateful for him.

Chan gives you a smile as he opens the fridge.

“I like your sweater,” he says, handing you a pack of sodas.

You put it on the kitchen island, smiling.

“Thank you. I like your earrings. Are they new?”

You’re used to Chan wearing his silver hoops, but today he’s sporting a simple black dot on one ear, a small lightning bolt on the other.

“Yeah, I felt like a change,” he nods. “They say it’s good for us, right?”

“I guess,” you answer simply. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.”

You exchange smiles, gathering all the desired drinks slowly. You glance at him sometimes, at the angle of his nose, at the dark curls that brush his ears. Your crush on Chan eventually faded away, although never entirely. You have just buried it so deep inside you sometimes you forget it is there - you haven’t thought about it for a long time.

Then again, your heart has been entirely occupied by San.

Heart.

Body.

Soul.

All of which lay in pieces, now.

Chan must see the shadows in your eyes, because he frowns a little, looking intently at you.

“Is something wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to shake the bad thoughts away at the same time.

“No, no, don’t worry.”

Chan gives you a smile and a short nod, although he’s still frowning. He can feel you don’t want to linger on it - you hope he knows it’s not that you don’t trust him. Besides Yeji, Chan is perhaps the friend you trust the most.

You remember every single hug he’s given you.

Always so warm.

Always at the right time.

He probably doesn’t know some of them gave you the strength to hold on. The most recent one, about two weeks ago.

“Can I have another one, please?”

The barman gives you a nod and turns to prepare you another beer.

Besides you, Yeji gives you a long look. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“Just one more,” you tell her, lifting an index.

She smiles, throwing an arm around your neck. She keeps a close eye on you - that’s why you feel comfortable to indulge in another drink. You need it, after all. Since your breakup with San, you’ve barely touched alcohol, choosing instead to drown in snacks and utter isolation.

So for your friend, it’s a step forward that you’ve agreed to come tonight.

It’s just you, Yeji, Chan and Jisung. A quiet night at the local pub.

A few beers, a board game.

When you have a new full pint, you and Yeji head back to the table and sit down. All of you decide to play another game, and Jisung starts shuffling the cards, telling you some dumb joke. You know he’s doing that to make you feel better, and it works. You find yourself smiling so much your cheeks hurt a little.

You place your head on his shoulder, affectionately, and cross Chan’s gaze. He’s smiling, too, fondly.

Your friends are talking and your heart hurts so fucking much.

You miss San. You’ve fallen out of love a long time ago, you now realize, but it’s still painful. You have to start over. You have to find yourself again. It’ll be long work - but you’ll do it. And as you look at your friends, you think to yourself they will make it easier. You’ve been drinking a little, and the emotion swells in your chest.

“Y/N, don’t cry!” Yeji cries out, noticing the tears on your cheeks.

You have not even realized you are crying. You touch your skin in surprise, letting out a giggle.

“Awwww, no, honey,” Jisung says, drawing you in his arms.

He rocks you like a child and you laugh as more tears drip down your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you say. “I love you guys so much.”

“Nooo, you’re gonna make me cry too,” Yeji cries out, taking your hand.

“I know it’s not… Not easy for you, because San is your friend, and…” You sniffle. “I don’t want this to be difficult for you.”

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Jisung whispers. “We’re your friends, too.”

“We’re here for you,” Chan nods.

Crying and laughing at the same time, your friends decide to keep playing to get your mind off of things. You’re grateful.

Yeji wins, of course. She always does. Once all your beers are finished, you agree to go. Chan will drive Yeji home - he’s only had one pint. Jisung lives close to you, so you decide to walk together.

You say goodnight to Yeji. She places a kiss on your cheek, squeezes your hand. Chan draws you into a hug.

It’s so loving. So steady.

It takes the breath out of your lungs.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says in your ear. “I’m here if you need me.”

You’re too dumbstruck to reply. But you know you’ll remember those words for a long time.

You do.

You still remember the words - you can still hear them.

He’s here.

He loves you.

Like a friend, of course.

But that is more than enough.

“Y/N?”

Chan’s voice brings you back to the present. You shake your head and chuckle.

“Sorry. I was just lost in thought.”

He nods, biting his lip nervously. “By the way, I wanted to ask. There’s this concert next -”

That’s when you hear the door open - followed by a voice.

His voice.

Your blood freezes in your veins, and you stare dumbly at Chan, unable to move.

You feel like bursting out in tears. No, no, no.

Not him, not tonight.

You feel Chan’s eyes on you. Yet, you don’t really see him. He delicately puts a hand on your wrist.

“Y/N…”

You try to gather your thoughts. You should’ve prepared, just in case. You feel so stupid. Of course it was all going too well.

You’re startled when Yeji bursts in the kitchen, puts her hands on your shoulders and seeks your eyes.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, honey -”

“What the hell?” you hear Chan mutter next to you. “I thought he wasn’t supposed to come.”

“He wasn’t,” Yeji hisses. “I swear, he told me he couldn’t.”

“Fuck’s sake, this dude…”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Slowly, you look up at your friends, gathering a smile.

“It’s okay,” you say, your voice clear. You take Yeji’s hands in yours, nod at her. “I’m fine.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I’ll be fine.”

You look at Chan next, and you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest. There’s something in his eyes you can’t identify, a spark that is also a shadow. He’s frowning, his body slightly bent towards you, like he’s about to pull you into a hug. You clear your throat and nod, praying to all you can not to let your voice tremble.

“It’s all right,” you say. “He’s our friend. He should be here.”

And to some degree, you mean it.

Yeji gives you a tight hug, and you can hear Chan let out a long sigh from behind you. You can’t linger on it - you have to focus on yourself.

Stay calm. Breathe.

You can do this.

The breakup was hard for the both of you, you remind yourself. You loved each other, you really did, that much you’re sure of. San was never that good of a liar. You have a much more vulnerable nature than him, which was always a source of conflict between you, but you know your breakup affected him. You remember the tears in his eyes. The vein in his neck, pulsing, as he held them back. You remember the way his hand clenched yours. The way his words came out broken from between his teeth.

It’s over, isn’t it?

You fell out of love.

It happens.

You take a deep breath. You still want San to be your friend. You’ve agreed that you would try, and you intend to follow through on your words.

You take a step to follow Yeji back to the living room, but Chan puts a delicate hand on your shoulder. You turn around, plunge your eyes in his. You’ve always thought of them as a haven, a night sky full of stars, both deep and bright.

He stares at you with a clenched jaw and a furrowed brow. He smells as he always has, a smell you’ve wanted on your pillow for so long - and it still makes you slightly dizzy although you know there’s no chance with him.

“If at any moment you want to go home, tell me, yeah?” he whispers to you. “I’ll drive you.”

You’re a little entranced by the soft lines on his full lips and the way his low voice scrapes - but you manage a nod, after what feels like a long second.

“Thank you.”

He nods, gives your shoulder a squeeze and lets you go. The warmth of his hand lingers there, and it gives you courage to move forward.

San has already taken a seat next to Jisung and glances at you when you walk into the room. Your friends are kind enough to keep the conversation going, so the room doesn’t fall silent, but your heart sinks at the bottom of your chest.

Because San doesn’t look tired. He doesn’t look sad.

In fact, he beams.

Eyes sparkling.

New clothes, new watch.

A smile so wide it slices right through your heart.

Fuck, he looks so happy.

You have to bite your tongue so you burst out crying. You stagger a little bit, but Chan is right behind you and it prevents you from falling back. His warmth, the voices of your friends, everything makes it better.

“Hey,” you manage to say, although you’re not sure how. “You look good.”

“Thanks, you too,” he tells you, but his voice is distant. His eyes are too, like he doesn’t even see you anymore. Not like he did before.

It’s abundantly clear - your ex has moved on.

It’s not that you still have feelings for him - you just need time to grieve what you had. San was a huge part of your life for a long time, and suddenly he isn’t there anymore. That absence, that void, that’s what is difficult to deal with. Being so goddamn alone all the time. No one to make you feel loved. No one to love, either.

You’re still putting yourself back together.

You’re still healing.

Not him. He’s done it.

You should be happy for him, and in a way, you are. You’re not mad he’s moved on. But it happened so quickly. It hasn’t even been two months. You were together for more than a year. Maybe you’re jealous, maybe you’re bitter. But mostly it hurts.

How long is it going to take you? Why are you so goddamn sensitive?

You breathe out and help Chan bring everyone their drinks. San’s laughter is a haunting melody and you can’t wait for the movie to start so you can think about something else. You take your previous seat, and Jeongin rubs your back affectionately, offering you the bowl of popcorn.

Chan sits at the opposite side of the room. Pathetically, you wish he was still next to you. Instead you focus on the images that start playing, projected on the white wall in front of you. It’s a movie you’ve already seen, but that’s ok. It’s not like you can really focus, anyway.

Because all you can see is San. Funny, clever, happy. You know him, you’d know if he was pretending, but he isn’t. He’s liberated. It’s the only word that comes to mind. You wonder for how long you’ve been bringing him down. If he realized it and hated you for it. If he couldn’t wait to get rid of you. If he was just looking for an excuse and -

You close your eyes and put a stop to the intruding thoughts.

No. It wasn’t like that.

Was it?

You don’t know anymore.

You barely follow the movie because your thoughts keep spiraling. Around you, your friends are chatting, making jokes, and commenting on the movie. Jisung’s laugh is so loud it takes over sometimes and you take refuge in it. But your heart feels frozen in place, in the middle of two beats, unable to go forward. You stare into nothing. You don’t even touch your soda. The popcorn, either - so you hand it back to Jeongin. His presence feels good, too.

You hate yourself for being unable to live in the moment. For letting your mind wander like it is, dizzy and unkind.

In the movie, people say what they think.

In the movie, loving doesn’t seem so hard.

In the movie, it doesn’t rain.

It’s a blessing and a curse that everyone is watching the movie, and that you’re sitting in the corner, in the dark. Your eyes are filled with tears and suddenly one escapes and slides down your cheek. You fidget in your seat, faking a yawn to wipe it away. You pull the blanket over your trembling body. You laugh when the others do, although it’s heartless. Nobody notices - or so you think - and it’s a good thing.

You try to focus on the movie. It’s entertaining, it’s funny, and for a minute, maybe, you succeed in feeling better. Then you see, from the corner of your eye, San pulling out his phone. He stares at the screen, and in the dark, its blue light illuminates his face. He smiles at it and types a few words. You know that smile. Fuck, you were that smile, once.

You clench your jaw, hard, and wanting to look away you accidentally fall into Chan’s eyes. He’s looking at you, and although you can’t see his face very well in the darkness, you notice the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything - but you hear his silent question. You need to go?

You shake your head slowly, forcing a smile. I’m fine. I’m fine.

He nods. He doesn’t believe you.

You stand up on shaky legs and head to the bathroom. Once you close the door, you don’t even open the light. You wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of your own reflection. You just breathe out, breathe in, and then breathe out again. The tears fall down your cheeks, warm. They taste bitter on your lips.

Why can’t you be like him? Why can’t you move on, be happy?

You take a few minutes to collect yourself. It’s fine - you don’t mind seeing San. It’s good, if, unlike you, he’s able to rebuild himself. It’s all you wish for him, and you know it’s all he wishes for you, too. He’d probably be honestly sad to know you aren’t doing well. You can never tell him, of course. You’ll pretend as well as you can - you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with him for now. You’ll keep it for yourself, shamefully, selfishly.

It will be fine.

You’ll get over it. He did, so why not you?

Once you feel ready, you head out the bathroom, and Chan is there, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” you chuckle. “I didn’t realize someone was waiting. Did you -”

You stop as Chan puts his hands on your shoulders and pulls you to him. You fall into his arms, and you’re a little shocked so you don’t move at first. Still, Chan holds you there. You stammer.

“C-Chan, I’m okay, you don’t have to -”

“Y/N,” he says, and there’s something about the way he whispers your name that makes your heart ache. “I saw you crying. Please. You don’t have to hide.”

Gently, you let your head fall against his chest. He hugs you a little tighter.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispers. “You don’t have to hide.”

You nod. He said it in such a way, you don’t know what it is.

You are friends.

You’ve been for a long time.

Despite your crush on him, despite the awkward period where he was aware of it but didn’t say anything, despite all of that, you are friends.

But Chan has always been more than that for you.

Chan is a pillar, Chan is a mess.

Chan is both the lighthouse and the storm.

You like the feel of his arms around you. The way his chest moves as he breathes. The texture of his t-shirt.

Oh, God. Not again.

You can’t let your crush come back running. You’re just sad. You’re just lonely. It wouldn’t be fair to Chan, would it? He’s your friend. He’s not a pretty face you can choose to lust over whenever you’re lonely.

Don’t do that to yourself, Y/N.

Don’t do that to him.

Chan is your friend and he is only trying to be here for you.

“Do you want to go home?” he whispers in your hair.

You take a deep breath and nod. Chan takes a step back, smiling kindly at you. You do the same, although it’s a little faint. He bends his knees slightly to be at your height, gently rubs your cheeks to remove the tears and replace your hair.

“Let’s go, then, love.”

You don’t have time to gawk at him for using a nickname he’s never said before, because he turns and waves at you to follow him.

He tells your friends you’re feeling a little sick and he’ll drive you home. You say there’s the flu going around at the office, and you hate lying to your friends, because you know some of you will believe you and some won’t. Right now you don’t really care - even if they all knew it was a lie, they wouldn’t judge you. You make sure to not avoid San’s eyes and smile at him. You don’t want him to start asking questions.

You get your things. Yeji gives you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, making you promise you’ll text tomorrow. You nod, squeezing her hand and glancing at your friends. There will come a day when you’ll be yourself again.

You just need time.

Time and a lot of courage.

When you step outside, with Chan right behind you, you realize it’s raining again. You look up at the sky, now a profound black painted by hints of grey clouds. You run to his car, the rain heavy and cold.

The car is clean and smells nice. Chan pulls back his hoodie, starts the engine and drives away as you look back at the apartment building. You wish you were stronger.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Chan says, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping on his thigh to the rhythm of the song on the radio.

“Do you?” you tell him with a smile.

“I do,” he nods, matching your smile. “You’re telling yourself you should be stronger.”

You gawk at him, feeling both embarrassed and scandalized. He shrugs.

“Didn’t I ever tell you I can read you like an open book?”

“Tsk,” you retort. “Wasn’t that when we played Mafia?”

“Whatever applies to Mafia applies to real life.”

“Not sure that’s true.”

“This is.”

You glare at him and he does the same, playfully. You feel much more relaxed now that you’re here. It was always easy to talk to Chan - never does that change, whatever the circumstances. You are much alike in that you tend to put others before yourselves, often at the sacrifice of your own feelings. For some reason, though, that didn’t work between you. The walls immediately fall apart.

“So I’m an open book, huh?” you say, staring at your hands.

“To me, yes. When I have my eyes on you.”

“And you had your eyes on me tonight?” you ask without thinking.

“Of course,” he answers, stopping the car at a red light. “I stayed sober, kept a close eye on you. Just in case.”

You wince. “Just in case I started crying hysterically or made a scene?”

He shakes his head, looking at you. The red light reflects on his face, enveloping the car in its hue. The rain thumps on the car in soft sounds. Chan’s dark hair is messy on his head, charmingly curled at the tips.

“More like in case he did something,” he eventually says.

“Why would he?” you ask with a frown, assuming he’s talking about San.

“Well…” Chan sighs. “He can be a dick sometimes.”

You’re surprised by his words - you never would’ve thought that Chan disliked San. On all accounts, they are good friends. Chan chuckles nervously at your look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry. I know you were a thing for a long time, but… It’s just what I think.”

“Did he do something?”

Chan shrugs. “It’s just a feeling. Never really did anything. Except breaking up with you, of course.”

You scoff. “He’s an asshole for breaking up with me?”

“Yeah,” Chan stammers. “Just - like - who would ever let a girl like you go?”

His words don’t make a lot of sense to you. They come to you muffled, as if you are plunged in a dream or in a drunken state. You honestly can’t believe your ears.

“What are you -”

He quickly waves his hand, looks away from you to the road ahead - and fortunately for him, the light turns green, so he has a good excuse to change the subject.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just rambling.”

You really don’t want to let this go. Your heart is racing, and you honestly wouldn’t know San’s name if someone was to yell it in your ear right now. All you can see is Chan, his tightened jaw, gripping the wheel of his car, driving you home. His words echo in your head, and you’re trying to put everything together.

Did you miss something? Clearly, Chan has something on his mind, an itch he can’t scratch. Have you been so intoxicated by your grief and sadness that you blacked out? You haven’t been a good friend, that much you know. You just wanted to feel better, first. You were of use to no one feeling this sad and broken. But Chan’s agitation has clearly been there for a while. How long have you been this blind?

You open your mouth, trying to find the right words. Chan, what is going on?

Chan, are you angry at me?

Chan, please, tell me what’s on your mind.

You sigh in frustration. You’re silent for a while, your thoughts spiraling, and just when you’re just about ready to ask, your phone rings. You glance at the screen instinctively, and San’s name is like a slap on the face.

Are you okay? he asks in a text. Tell me when you get home.

Hints of your boyfriend. Remnants of the past. The text feels like a ghost is speaking to you. It makes you angry. It makes you ache.

You might not love San anymore, but you miss him.

“Are you okay?” Chan asks.

“Yeah,” you nod.

You’re about to say you’re fine, which has become an automatic response, but you remember what Chan said. I can read you like an open book. So instead, you take a deep breath.

“It’s San,” you explain. “He’s asking me if I’m okay and to text him when I’m home.”

Chan scoffs, and there is nothing amiable in the sound. “The guts on this guy,” he mutters. “I’m literally driving you and he knows that.”

You frown, sensing the anger in his voice.

“Seriously, Chan, did something happen between your two?”

Chan shakes his head. He doesn’t want to look at you.

“Chan,” you insist. “Tell me, please.”

He lets out a sigh, gripping the wheel tighter.

“We might’ve had… an altercation.”

“An altercation?” you repeat. “Like a fight?!”

“Not a fight,” Chan sighs. “Not a physical one, anyway.”

“What the fuck happened?”

The words escape your mouth. An uneasy feeling washes over you. Nobody has told you about this. Nobody has said a word.

“When did this happen?” you ask when Chan doesn’t answer.

“Like… a week ago, I think.”

“Why didn’t no one -”

You interrupt yourself and close your eyes. Looking out the car window, you realize you’re already parked in front of your apartment building. How did it go so fast?

For how much longer are you going to keep losing track of time?

“Chan,” you say, your voice shaking. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

He looks at you with timid eyes. They shimmer in the darkness but you can’t focus on them. You are trembling and you can’t hold on to a single clear thought. Your mind is a blurry mess.

Chan looks out through the window before he takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t want to do this tonight. You need to rest, you -”

“If you don’t tell me now, I’ll never be able to sleep, so it will be worse.”

You feel your hands shaking, so you clench your fists. Outside, the rain accelerates, pounds loudly on the car. The sound is almost unbearable but you don’t care.

“If you’re trying to protect me, I’m grateful,” you add, when you see he’s still hesitating. “But I can take it. I’d rather know.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice quivering.

“We’re friends, right?” you tell him. “That’s what you said. Be my friend, Chan.”

He sighs and rubs his eyes. You’re scared, and yet a part of you feels perfectly calm. You hate the fact that something was hidden from you, but you’re so ready to withstand whatever storm is heading your way.

You’d rather stand in chaos than into nothingness.

At least the chaos makes a little sense.

“Before I say anything…” Chan sighs. “I don’t want you to take any of this on you, yeah? I know you’ll feel bad, but please, just remember -”

“For fuck’s sake, Chan,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Get to the point.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

You stare back at him.

“What?”

“San. He has a girlfriend. I thought it was too soon, that it was disrespectful of you, so I told him and it got heated, but… Yeah. Shit. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

It’s like the rain suddenly got quiet.

A girlfriend.

You should’ve known. You saw it, after all. The phone, the text, the smile. The happiness in his eyes. The trendy clothes, the new watch. All the hints were there.

He has moved on.

More than you expected.

Everything happens quickly. Your body acts before your brain registers it, and in the blink of an eye you’re outside in the pouring rain. You slam the passenger door behind you, you forget your bag, you don’t even think about it. You just walk forward.

It’s bitter cold.

In seconds, you’re drenched.

Your knees feel weak and you’re sure you are going to fall.

A sob escapes your throat.

It shouldn’t hurt that much.

You hate your heart.

You hate how vulnerable it is.

You want to move on, too.

“Y/N!”

You turn around, halfway to the door of your apartment, to find Chan running towards you. You raise your hand slowly. It’s shaking like a leaf.

“It’s fine, Chan. I’m f-”

“Stop saying that!”

You’re a bit surprised at the sudden anguish in his voice. He stops inches away from you, getting soaked by the heavy rain. It slides down his cheeks like tears, strands of dark hair sticking to his forehead. He looks at you fiercely, his eyes blazing with light.

“I’m sorry, I just - I see you’re hurting and it’s killing me.”

You don’t know what to tell him. You wish he would go away. You wish he would hug you. You wish the pain would just stop.

“Y/N -”

“I don’t care!” you scream, the sound getting lost in the rain.

Chan frowns.

“I don’t care if he has a girlfriend,” you cry out. “I just…” You shrug, your eyes lost in Chan’s. “I just want to heal, too. I want to move on, too. I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of hurting.”

There is such despair in Chan’s face you can hardly bear it. You wish you could tell him not to take the weight of your pain on his shoulders, but you know him better than that. He can’t help it. That’s why he’s here with you.

“You just have to give me time,” you say, your voice falling apart. “I’ll be fine eventually.”

He lets out a sigh, slides a hand through his drenched hair. A raindrop slides down his face, gets caught on his lips.

“Please, let’s go inside,” he pleads. “Let me be here for you.”

You hesitate, but the cold rain keeps you on your toes. You want to be home, in your own space, but you also don’t want to be alone. So you nod, and Chan lets out a sigh, thanking you in a whisper.

When you step inside your apartment you’re a little shy to turn on the lights because it’s messy, but you can’t really be bothered about that right now. Chan waits on the other side of the door, a hesitant look on his face.

“Come in,” you tell him.

He nods, closing the door behind him. Your place is modest, just big enough for one person, situated in the semi-basement of the building. It does not get much light, but it feels cozy and it is cheap.

The first thing you do is get a towel for Chan so he can dry his hair and his clothes. He hangs his hoodie on a hook near the door; luckily the t-shirt underneath is only damp. His dark blue jeans took the worst of the rain. You suggest giving him some dry clothes, but he insists he’ll be fine.

You tell him to get comfortable and go to change in your room. Your limbs feel weak as you slip on a pair of sweatpants and a crewneck. You cannot stop thinking about Chan's words.

San has a girlfriend.

He has opened his heart to love again.

The rain keeps falling.

It’s time you heal.

When you come back to the living room, Chan is anxiously staring at his phone. He puts it away when he sees you, smiling a little timidly.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “Want a drink?”

“Sounds good.”

You give him a gentle smile and you both head to the kitchen, where you fill two glasses of soju. He takes one, clinking it against yours. You drink it in one go.

“Now that feels better,” you sigh.

Chan smiles at you fondly, and you nudge his arm.

“Chan. It’s all right. It had to happen.”

“So quickly, though?” he winces.

“We all heal at different paces,” you say softly. “Or maybe it’s his way of healing. Either way I’m happy for him.”

Chan leans one elbow on the kitchen counter, giving you a long look. You hold his gaze, confused at the sudden calmness you feel.

“You said you can read me like an open book,” you remind him, pouring yourself another drink. “Am I lying?”

He smiles briefly. “No.”

“Cheers.”

He takes another sip, and you imitate him.

“How about we sit down?” you propose.

Once in the living room, you sink into the couch. Chan sits at a comfortable distance, twirling his glass between his fingers. It’s strange to see him at your place - because of the size of your apartment, you rarely have friends over. You remember him driving you home a couple of times, but he must have been inside only once or twice in the three years you’ve lived here.

You talk a little, about everything and nothing. You drink some more, perhaps a little too much, but the soju warms your body. Chan relaxes, too. The bottle is quickly empty.

You both fall silent, and you stare at the bottom of your empty glass. The tears come back too easily.

“Chan?”

“Yeah, love?”

You peck your lips. Hearing him say that feels too good. It’s so new, but you already don’t want him to ever stop.

“Is she pretty?” you utter.

“Y/N…”

“She must be. Pretty and smart.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Do you know her?”

You look up, and Chan shakes his head. His hair is untidy, his cheeks a little red, his full lips as inviting as ever.

“I don’t. Ji told me they met at a party.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “So everyone knows?”

You hate the way your voice shudders, but you can’t help it. Chan shuffles closer to you, gently taking your hand in his. It’s warm and familiar.

“No,” he answers in a soft voice. “Just a few. We wanted to wait for the right moment - well, actually, I thought San should be the one to tell you.”

You laugh, wiping your tears. “No offense, but that would’ve been worse.”

Chan snorts amusingly. “Oh. Good thing it didn’t happen, then. I thought it’d be a good idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea.”

You both end up giggling, and Chan doesn’t let go of your hand. You sniffle. You don’t let go either.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you say. But why are you so invested in this?”

“In your breakup?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not invested in your breakup,” he shrugs. “I’m invested in you, you’re my friend.”

“But it’s - you don’t have to, you can just be like the others, not take a side, you don’t have to fight anyone.”

“Why wouldn’t I speak out? It bothers me, you know me, I don’t shut up when it comes to people I care about.”

“But San is your friend, too.”

“But you’re -”

You frown. “I’m what?”

“You’re Y/N.”

The tenderness in his voice takes you by surprise. It seeps through his lips, echoes in his eyes. You feel your heart twist and turn - and just like that, his fingers slip away from yours.

“Sorry, I…” He closes his eyes, shakes his head. “Hell, I’m doing it all wrong tonight. And I should really stop drinking. How the fuck am I supposed to drive back home?”

“Chan, wait,” you say, ignoring him. “What are you trying to say?”��

He sighs heavily. His face falls in his hand, and he breathes there for a second before he looks back up at you. He looks so tired.

“I know you had a crush on me,” he breathes.

You smile nervously. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because I have a crush on you, too,” he says.

You blink, and it’s like the world tilts. You haven’t been drinking that much, it can’t be the soju. Still, you feel dizzy and warm. Chan is looking at you with fondness and anguish.

He didn’t say had.

He said have.

His words are right there, still on the tip of his tongue.

In his eyes.

So damn bright.

No - he’s here because he’s your friend. That’s it.

Isn’t it?

“I don’t understand,” you breathe out.

“I never acted on it because San had wanted to ask you out for a while,” Chan explains with a shrug. “And you know me. I never put myself before others. And although I sorta knew you had a crush on me, I convinced myself San was better for you.”

You look down at your hands, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” you whisper.

“Because you were so happy with him,” Chan says, his voice shaking. “You found each other and it was good, and who was I to say anything? At one point it didn’t even matter anymore, and I buried it deep inside of me, told myself I was over you. You were over me, after all. It was just a crush, anyway. I was so sure you’d be in this with San for the long run.”

So did I, you want to say. Your throat feels so dry, however, you can’t say anything. You can just stare at Chan. He smiles at you almost carefully.

“When I heard about your breakup… Everything came rushing back. The other night, after we got drinks, and I saw you crying… I was just so worried about you. So gutted to see you hurt, it was almost unbearable. And then he said he found someone else and I couldn’t understand, and we argued. It was heated, but it’s fine now. We’re good.”

You close your eyes because the world can’t stop spinning. You were so cold earlier, but now you’re almost sweating. You’re too warm. The world is ablaze.

Chan is your fire.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with you. I can’t say I am. But if I let myself go…” He stumbles on his words. “I just might.”

Time has stopped. You can barely breathe.

You feel the sting of shame.

The delightful warmth of Chan’s confession.

You’ve been so blind.

“You just mean so much to me,” he says, his voice both low and soft. “I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be loved as you should be loved.”

When you open your eyes, it feels like he’s sitting closer to you although he hasn’t moved. He’s not touching you, but his smell overwhelms your senses. You can’t look away, and he watches you back.

“How I wish I could,” he breathes, his eyes drilling into yours. “Fall into you. Show you how you could be loved. ”

You drink his words like they’re the essence of life. You feel, in each one, a wish, a hope, a possibility. Ropes that were drawn and never knotted together. Lifelines, waiting to be grasped.

“I never was,” you breathe.

He frowns. “What?”

“Over you,” you explain. “I never was over you. I’m not.”

He closes his eyes.

“Fuck, Y/N, don’t tell me that.”

“It’s true,” you say, voice trembling. “I loved San, of course I did. But you were always in my heart and you will never not be.”

Chan’s eyes drip down your eyes to your lips. You feel an ache inside your chest. It’s like it’s starting to rain indoors. What an odd feeling.

“You don’t love him anymore?” he asks carefully, weighing every word.

“No.”

Your voice comes in a whisper, but it’s full of certainty.

“But Chan, I…” You swallow. “I can’t - I can’t listen to what my heart says about you, it’s not fair, you’re not… You’re not a stand-in, you’re not - you’re more important than that, and…”

“Can I kiss you?”

The question catches you off guard.

“Just once,” Chan smiles. “I want to taste your lips. Just once.”

What could you say to that? How many times did you dream about Chan’s lips on yours, wondering what they felt like? Were his kisses kind, delicate, hungry? You’d see him drink whiskey and wonder if the taste would linger on them. You’d see him kiss another girl and picture yourself in her place.

And now he was offering you a kiss.

Hell, he wanted to kiss you.

So you find yourself nodding, and Chan takes a long look at you, as if he’s waiting for you to change your mind. You remain immobile, lips parted, awaiting his. Slowly, he plucks them, grazing them against his - and they sink into yours, soft, like a cloud, deep, like the ocean.

You collapse in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck. He slides his fingers through your hair, his other hand embracing your waist to pull you closer. You can’t hold back a sigh from escaping your lips, and Chan responds by kissing you deeper, the movements of his lips getting almost feverish.

“Chan,” you moan when you gasp for breath.

“Fuck, I can’t stop,” he growls, placing small kisses on your lips.

His fingers dig in your skin, and you desperately want to disappear against him, so you move your leg so you can straddle him. Chan wraps himself around you, and you feel the dampness of his clothes but you don’t care. You take his face in your hands, plunging back into a needy kiss. Chan’s hands wander on your back, on your hips, on the back of your neck. You can only lean into him. His tongue teases your lips and you open your mouth to let it in. It plays with yours, and you can feel walls tighten.

By now you are fully making out, your hips grinding against his. You can feel him getting hard, and it sends your mind reeling.

“God, you’re so perfect,” he moans around your lips.

“I’ve thought about this so often, Chan,” you admit.

“Same,” he grins. “I… Fuck, I can’t tell you this.”

“Tell me,” you insist, trailing kisses alongside his jaw, on the delicate skin of his neck. It makes him shudder, and can almost feel his cock pulsating under you.

“I thought about your lips,” he breathes out. “Your body. How you would sound moaning against me…”

“Fuck, Channie…”

You clench at his words, pressing your core on his erection. He grunts, his fingers slowly making their way under your shirt. You tug at his, and suddenly, like a flash of lightning, you realize what you are doing. Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth dries. Everything rushes back. You stop, and he does the same, leaning back.

He looks more attractive than ever with his hair tousled by your fingers, his full lips red and wet from your kisses.

“I’m sorry, I just -”

“Is this going too fast?” he asks you gently.

You hesitate. “It’s not that. I just - I don’t want to give the wrong impression.”

Chan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Like you’re just a rebound or something,” you shrug.

Chan smiles - that cheeky grin of his, his eyes sparkling at the same time. It toys with your heartstrings. How could anyone not adore this man?

“I don’t care,” he answers. “I’ll be your rebound.”

“Chan, I’m serious,” you sigh.

“So am I,” he says, twirling a strand of your hair around his index. “If it’s something you want, then I’m here. I want to. And it doesn’t have to mean anything tomorrow, or ever. We’ll always be friends.”

You breathe out, briefly closing your eyes. All you want is to keep kissing him, to forget the world in his arms. To be desired, to be loved.

It’s all you want.

But your heart still aches.

So much has happened tonight - you feel so heavy.

You sigh again. “I just… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Chan cups your cheek.

“It’s okay, love,” he says, placing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s all so fresh. I can leave if you -”

“No,” you quickly interrupt him, pushing a finger against his plush lips. “Please. Stay with me.”

Chan nods, his eyes not leaving yours. You should move. You should get going - get a glass of water, sleep it all off. But you can’t move, lost in Chan’s gaze, your body a bundle of nerves. You lean forward, settling your forehead against his.

“It’s killing me,” you chuckle nervously.

Chan giggles, and the sound is delightful. “We have time, love. I won’t let you go, now. I got you.”

He places a soft kiss on your lips.

“If you’ll have me.”

As an answer, you give him another kiss. You slide your fingers through his humid hair, inhaling his scent.

“Will you sleep here tonight?”

“I’m here, baby.”

The word makes something melt inside of you. You shiver, and instinctively, he sprawls his warm hands on your back.

You’re overwhelmed by the tenderness and the hurt.

You feel so loved.

So abandoned.

So alone.

So supported.

So seen.

Your lips find him again like a magnet. You kiss him deeper than before. You’re losing your mind.

“Y/N,” he breathes in your mouth.

The words escape your lips. “Fuck it, I want you.”

He groans, his fingers diving in your skin. His cock twitches under you, making you lose all sense.

“I want this, Chan,” you sigh, biting his lip. “But I don’t - I don’t want you to think I’m using you, all right? You’re my friend, I care about you, I -”

He laughs. “You can use me all you want.”

He starts kissing you again, feverishly, as if it hasn’t just been a few seconds since he last did it. You arch your back, closing all distance between your bodies. Chan starts placing kisses down your neck, his tongue teasing your thin skin.

“I’ll make you feel good, baby girl,” he whispers. “I’ll make you forget for a little while. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just you and me tonight. Let the rest fade away.”

He puts his strong hands on your ass, and slowly moves it. You sway your hips, and the friction of his erection against you makes you moan softly. You plunge your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his shoulder blades.

“Just you and me, yeah?” he whispers.

“Just you and me,” you nod.

In a swift move he removes your shirt, groaning at the sight of your bralette. It’s made of a thin lacy material, so he can perfectly see your nipples, and immediately leans in to brush his lips against them. You shudder, your nails digging in the back of his neck.

He removes your bra to gain access to your breasts, gently massaging them in his hands and sliding his tongue around them. Meanwhile, you caress his cock above his jeans, loving the way he tenses at your touch.

“Hold on to me,” he tells you in a breath.

You wrap your arms around his neck and he lifts you up, only to gently lay you down on the couch so he’s on top of you.

“Let me see you,” you breathe, grabbing his t-shirt.

He obliges, removing the piece of clothing so you revel in the sight of his toned chest. You take off your sweatpants and stare as he removes his jeans as well, giving you a better sight of his athletic body. His boxers do nothing to hide his erection.

“Before this goes any further,” he says, and his voice sounds so raw it sends shivers down your spine. “Do you have -”

“Bathroom,” you say with a nod.

He smiles, bends to steal a kiss and disappears. You look up at the ceiling, suddenly very aware of your nakedness, of what you are about to do.

It feels like you’ve been through ten days in one.

This morning you woke up with dread.

Now you are filled with hope.

Is this going too fast? Should you wait?

Maybe.

You don’t want to.

This feeling in your chest, that Chan helps surge, that threatens to burst - all this light, all this love. It’s been a while since you’ve felt that. From someone else, from yourself.

So what if it’s too fast? You want to live.

And if there’s a person you trust, it’s Chan.

“Got it,” you hear him say as he reappears.

You don’t really know what to say because you have all this love and light inside your chest and words would not feel enough, so you stay silent, only pull him back into a kiss. He lays on top of you, warm and a little unsteady. You can feel he’s a little nervous, just like you, but you don’t mind. You need his softness. You need his realness.

You push his boxers down, feeling his cock touch your stomach. The sensation is enough to clear your mind, and you bite Chan’s lower lip a little. He answers with a slight chuckle.

You want to tell him how crazy he makes you. How nice it is to feel him so warm and hard. How much this means to you. But for some reason, you can bring yourself to say anything, and neither does he. You just breathe together, febrile and eager. His fingers graze your wetness, and you shiver. Sensing your pleasure, Chan applies some pressure on your folds, leaning two fingers on your clit. You arch your back, moaning a little louder than you expected. Your hands reach for him, palming his cock, your own fingers brushing his tip.

“Fuck,” Chan grunts. “Y/N…”

“Channie, please,” you whisper.

“Wait,” he answers. “I want to do something first, if this is my only chance.”

You frown, opening your eyes as you feel him move. You quickly understand what he means, however, as his lips trace a path of wet kisses on your stomach and your thighs. Soon his breath is against your core, and you forget how to breathe.

When his tongue touches you, it’s like a hundred sensations at once, and you can’t hold back a shaky moan. Your fingers grab the couch as Chan pushes your legs further apart. He kisses you, pressing his tongue into you, attentive to your reactions.

“You’re gorgeous, you know?” he says, although you barely hear him. “Keep moaning for me, baby girl.”

A surge of pleasure goes through your body, enveloping you in silk, and you grab Chan’s hair, instinctively pushing him against your clit as his tongue encloses it.

“Fuck, fuck, Chan, I’m…” you whimper.

“Are you coming?”

You nod, and he buries his nose in you, embracing your sensitive spots. Your orgasm makes your whole body tremble against him, and he holds your legs as you do, making sure to accompany you throughout.

As you come down, slowly, you blink back into reality. You look at him a little timidly, realizing your fingers are still tangled in his hair. You place your palm against his head, caressing it tenderly.

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all,” he chuckles. “It was beautiful.”

You bite your lip and he moves so he can kiss you. Your taste is on his lips and his tongue and it’s making you a little dizzy.

It’s been a while since you’ve felt as good as this.

Not that the sex with San was bad - but it faded at the same time your love did. When you broke up you had not touched each other like that - barely kissed, even - for weeks.

Although you’re sensitive, you really want to make Chan feel good. You need him inside you, stretching you, making you whole. You align your legs so his cock falls between them, and you grind slowly. His breath hitches against your lips, and you take it as a hint he likes it.

“You made me feel so good, Channie,” you tell him in between kisses. “I want to do the same for you.”

“Fuck, you’re so warm,” he lets out.

“I want you inside me,” you say.

He nods fervently, puts on the condom he got from the bathroom and aligns himself with your entrance. You feel so relaxed and tense at the same time, tucked in his arms on the couch, the rest of the world faded away. He enters you slowly, letting you time to adjust to his size, and you breathe out slowly.

He feels so different. He feels so right. You are a bundle of nerves he unmakes.

He thrusts his hips at a measured, exquisite pace. Each time he goes deeper, and you cry out in pleasure, your fingers digging in the skin of his muscled back. You feel the fever, you feel the want. He breathes heavily against your neck, holding you tight.

“You okay?” he asks in a whisper.

“Don’t stop,” you tell him, arching a little to facilitate his movements.

Chan doesn’t stop. As he makes love to you - because it is what he is doing - you sense his thrusts getting a little more erratic. In the quiet of the living room you hear nothing but the sound of him plunging inside you, his cock smeared by your wetness, his breathing mingling with yours. It is so erotic, so loving, your second orgasm is building quickly and deliciously.

Chan accelerates. You pant, moaning nonsense.

“Come with me,” he breathes, and that is the last thing you need to come undone.

It’s enthralling how your soul escapes you and yet stays right there, against Chan, around him, with him. As you clench around his cock, you hear a delightful moan escape his throat, rough and hoarse, and it keeps you right above the clouds with him as he comes inside of you. You feel him twitch before he relaxes slowly.

His lips find your forehead and he plants the softest of kisses there.

As you sink into the couch, he removes himself from you, and lays down on top of your body. You don’t mind the weight - in fact, it feels just right. His nose is in your neck, his breath tickling your sweat-covered skin. Your fingers slide in his hair, and you close your eyes.

You give yourselves time to recover. As the high fades, you feel Chan’s breathing relax and get more steady.

“Channie,” you whisper with a smile. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“Hm?” he groans, lifting his head to look at you.

With his hair all over the place, his small eyes and swollen lips, he looks ready to pass out. It elicits a large smile from you, and you tenderly caress his cheek.

“Let’s get to bed,” you tell him.

He nods. You stand up on shaky legs, and help him on his feet. Together you close the lights in the apartment, and then you take his hand to guide him towards the bathroom. You take the time to clean up and head to the bedroom. The lights are off except for the fairy lights hanging above your bed. Once you’re there, you open a drawer, take out a t-shirt that will fit him.

You slip under the sheets, Chan next to you. He pulls you into his arms, and you put your head on his shoulder.

The rain has slowed to a drizzle.

Who knows what the sky will look like tomorrow?

For now you just want to sleep against Charm’s warmth.

“Get some rest, love,” he whispers to you.

“Goodnight, Channie.”

“Goodnight.”

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