#but i am getting better!! with no horrible side effects finally

[sapphirebluebird]

fuck with me and my antibiotics rn .

[mrsmiseryxo]

Behind Closed Doors

homelander x assistant! reader

🎧 Behind Closed Doors- Lana Del Rey

Disclaimer: This is finally done after two months, i first started this when the season came out. I don't know anything about the corporate world. I made up things as I went along :3 im sorry :( Also my first time writing fanfic and first time creative writing in a while, so I am a bit rusty be nice please :3 I wrote this as a challenge to myself , so i hope its not too bad. Constructive criticism welcome :)

around 3-4k words i lost count

this is so secretary ( 2002) coded

Tags: dom!Homelander Fem! Girly! Reader. praise kink, body worship, p in v, fingering, cmnf, homelander is soft for reader. creampie, breeding kink, daddy nickname used. homelander and reader are horny weirdos. I'm bad at tagging hopefully i'll be better :(

Set between seasons 3-4 but i didn't watch gen v oops

You transcribe the meetings for Vought, and you feel like you don’t get the recognition that you deserve. That is until Homelander calls for a private meeting. 

You were quiet and meek, like a little mouse. He viewed you exactly like that. A rodent to be exterminated. Squashed. He’ll have a word with whoever was in charge of hiring you. Even more of a word if it was Ashley. In your eyes, he could never hide the utter disdain on his face whenever he got a waft of your sweet, vanilla rose scent as you . He thought you represented everything wrong with humans. Your head was always hung low, you always stared at your shoes as you brought Ashley the notes for this week��s meeting. How dare you not look in his eyes? How can someone as stupid as you ever be trusted with confidential information about the company?

He absolutely hated everything about you. Your prissy nature, the way you only drank matcha lattes with soy milk. He turned his nose at that poor excuse of a milk option. He smelled that bullshit from a mile away. He hated the gloss on your lips. He hated the sparkle in your eyes, like you still had a lot of life to look forward to. He hated that hopeful mentality you held, following the philosophy that life was going to get better. He simultaneously hated and loved the way you cowered in his presence, the way your hands get sweaty and clutch at your skirt. He loved and hated the fact that you couldn’t hold eye contact with him. On top of all that, Homelander hated the way you made his dick twitch.

Even as you stumble around with a slight hunchback, he couldn’t keep thoughts of peeling off your tights and bending you over the table where meetings were held. How breathless and cute your pathetic moans would be. How he would make you speak up and ask for what you truly want. He wondered what your lip gloss would taste like. How soft your plush ass would feel as he caresses it. Even considering your horrible posture, something as small as your scent is enough to turn him on.

When homelander would retire to his apartment, he would drink a pint of milk and jerk off. That was his nightly routine for the last couple of years. He would think about Madelyn Stillwell, Stormfront, and if he was feeling especially normal, he would think about Queen Maeve. After a week of you working at Vought, his jerk off material had changed. He began thinking about you. A lot. You had dominated his brain, and this irritated the hell out of Homelander. He had never given this much thought to another person before. Mundane and ordinary things had popped into his brain. What did you eat for breakfast? What side of the bed do you sleep on? As much as he tried thoughts of you out of his head, they always came back with a vengeance. Just your entire existence bugged Homelander, but he got used to seeing you in the conference room, even looked forward to the weekly meetings if it meant he got to see you. He’d notice that his presence would have an embarrassing effect on you. Of course, he would have a certain effect on just about everyone that he encountered, but he relished in the fact that you would get so flustered when in the same vicinity of each other. He would then think of ways to get you worked out, he wanted to tease you just enough to coax you. He’d knew the type of girl you were, you thrived under words of praise. Homelander also knew that you’d be obedient enough to never say anything. He’d make you fear him, more than you already do. He wanted to make the desire to please stronger.

After the first month of your newfound employment at Vought, you wondered why anyone would put up with Homelander and the Seven’s antics. You pride yourself on your obedience and dedication. Why could nobody acknowledge the sea of tears shed over copious hours of overtime, and the perfection you put into shooting out emails everyday, keeping people on track. You even schedule the time the emails are to be put out. You know deep down you will never say anything, or even hint at the maltreatment and neglect that you recieve. You want to remain hopeful that this is just a rough patch, and as you get more acclimated to the company you won’t feel this way, they won’t treat you this way.

You wake up at 5:30 to face the day. 30 minute shower, a five step skin routine, and light makeup routine. You were told to always look your best when first hired. Vought has an image to maintain, and their employees should reflect that ( which only really applies to female employees).

While in the shower, you contemplate your life. You’re proud of yourself and what you have accomplished so far, but sticking to the Vought job is insane. It’s insane because you have a crush on your boss. Arguably the most famous and powerful man in America, or even the entire world. You know he's not a good person, but you wouldn’t mind being at his beck and call. God, it was pathetic how you imagine him grunting in your ear for you to take it. You try to move past these thoughts for the betterment of your life.

You are the first to arrive to the meeting room. You set up your space, placing your laptop, a notebook with strawberry pattern on it, and your matcha latte with soymilk.

As the supes settle in, you get ready to write. This week’s meeting was about searching for another member of the seven, or to speak truthfully, find a new black noir. You are clueless to how The Seven found itself without a Black Noir, but you know it is in your best interest to never ask questions. Of course, like the queen of England, Homelander is the last to arrive. Homelander strides in greeting everyone.

“ Mmm can’t wait for the bullshit we talk about today,” He rolls his eyes. You notice his tone even more irritated today. Homelander walks over to the front of the table and sits. Everyone waits for him to speak, for him to start the meeting. As you write the date on the top of your paper, you hear him clear his throat.

As you look up, he says your name. How does he even know your name? He couldn’t give less of a shit at anyone at this table, especially you.

“Can I speak to you at the end of the meeting? Alone of course. We wouldn’t want any of these morons listening in”

“ Oh. Yeah, of course!” You stutter a bit. You give him a small smile. He gives you his signature fake smile back. You know that look all too well. You recognize that that look is basically the middle finger. That highly calculated smile hides the disgust he feels for everyone around him at any given time. All the while, you are caught off guard by his words. Being alone in a room with any man would make you anxious, but being the only woman in the room with Homelander makes you nauseous. To say you are absolutely mortified would be an understatement.

Everyone in the room gives you a side eye. Ashley looks like she might pull out a gun and shoot you. She knows she’ll never hear the end of it. After all, she did hire you.

The rest of the meeting goes as smoothly as it could. Some dumb remarks were made by The Deep, but it could have been worse. You didn’t pay much attention during this meeting, as you were in your head about what this private session with Homelander would entail. Homelander senses your heartrate going up. He can practically hear the blood rushing through your veins. His hand quietly goes to grab and rub his bulge. He thinks of you on your knees, him grabbing your hair as you rub your face against his crotch with your hands on his thighs, looking up at him with adoration in your eyes. He brings his hands up and bangs the table.

“ Ok, I think we’re all done here,’’ He gives instructions to the Deep and Ashley to scout for the new Black Noir while A-Train shoots his movie. You write the details of the meeting in your notebook.

Everyone gets out of their chair and leaves, Ashley gives you a death stare. You feel faint, and your legs try to gather courage to walk toward Homelander.

“ Shut the door behind you, will you buddy” Deep closes the door, and you two are left alone at last.

Homelander slowly strides toward you with his hands behind his back. Like a deer in headlights , you were paraylzed with fear, you could not move. He softly grabs your chin. He sees the fear in your eyes.

“ Hey, you’re not in trouble. I can see the hairs on your arm standing up. It’s fine. You’re not in trouble.” He reassures you, eliminating the worst case scenario your brain. You breath a breathe of relief. You look at Homelander’s boots, still afraid to look him in the eye.

He gives a slight chuckle. “ I’m not going to laser you, ya know. Um, actually I asked you to stay because I realized something.” He places his hands on your shoulders, you finally look up. He is towering over you. You can see the absence of his pores on his face. He truly is perfect, which makes his presence even more intoxicating. Your head feels dizzy from both the fear and his course fingertips on your shoulders.

“ You’ve been here for a good while. I know that you think that you’ve gone unnoticed. But trust that that could not be further from the case.” He sighed. “ To be quite honest with you sweetheart, you’ve been too much of a distraction around here. Your short little skirts are killing me.” Homelander laughs. He imagined his hands hiking up your skirt all of the time. He toys with your hair as you cannot believe that this is happening. His hands travel to your neck as you can smell the mintiness of his breath. He places soft sweet kisses on the tip of your ear as you let out a whimper.

“ I know you wanted me like this.  Ya think I don’t know why you try so hard? You want to get my attention. Think of this as a reward, yeah?” Your knees buck. The pit of desire in your stomach is getting bigger, and you're aching for more of his touch.

“ I need you to look at me” He says in his stern voice. “ And I need you to respond when I’m talking to you, kay? Sit on the table for me.”

You nod your head. A light tap of his hand kisses your left cheek.

“ Use your words, doll.” Homelander whispers and looks at you tentatively.

“oh okay” you stutter and stammer.

He impatiently unbuttons your shirt, practically tearing it open, and quickly undoing the claps of your pretty pink bra ( which you wore everyday, holding onto hope he would one day see it) clumsily breaking a clasp in the process.

“ I’ll get you a new one, its fine” Your mouth opens in a slight gasp.

His tender, soft, touch full of need finds the softness of your breasts, as he bends down to delicately pinch your nipples, hard, from the building's chill and the unfamiliar feel of his leather gloves. He bites his lips, resisting the urge to come right then and there. He lightly sets you on your back, legs dangling off the table. He looms over your view. The blonde man begins to suckle on your breast, massaging the other. His lips leave soft marks all over your tits as he rotates his hands and his lips.

“ Oh god, you feel so fucking good, sweetheart, your tits feel amazing” You let out a mewl as your pussy clenches. Filthy sounds of Homelander lapping at your tits and soft cries escaping your mouth fill the room. He lightly nibbles your nipple. In a fleeting moment of bravery, you give Homelander a request.

"Mmm want you inside"

“Not yet honey. Needa prep you first, know you can’t handle it right now. ” He unzips your skirt and throws it across the room. Your tights were thigh high, so he didn’t have to take them off like he would have liked. He looks almost animalistic as he crouches down to level with your cunt. He rubs his gloved hands up and down your bare thighs, as he inhaled the scent of your clothed pussy. You run your hands through his soft, blonde hair, thinking about how how heaven feels.

He murmurs into your pussy, “ you’re fucking soaked and i barely touched you”

His nose brushes with your clit. Catching wind of your squirming and quiet mumbles, Homelander purposely moves his nose in a circle while he maintains eye contact with you. A strong hold of his hands is on your hips, trying to contain the buildup of your pleasure. His rhythmic movement works your way toward an orgasm, and as you get higher and higher, almost reaching your peak, he moves away, toward your mouth, embracing your tongue, biting your lip softly, as your lips sloppily crashed into each other. He sat you back up as his arms moved up and down your back. Anger quickly left your body as quickly it came, you couldn’t be mad at his denial when you inhaled his fresh linen and sandalwood scent.

He breaks away from your lips .“I want you to cum on my cock, so im just gonna make you nice and wet for now, sound good?” You look into his of course that sounded good, but something felt off.

“ mmkay homelander” you mumble, feeling a bit odd and disconnected suddenly. You don’t want to call him that, his nose was in your pussy, his tongue all over your chest, it felt wrong to call him homelander. Sensing this, he does the unthinkable.

“ call me john” he mutters under his breath, almost inaudible. you grin at him.

“ mmkay john!” God. your squeal and positive attitude made his cock even harder, which he didn’t think possible. You relax a bit more, as this was a sign of him opening up.

He slowly wiggles you out of your panties, as you giggle. Leaving you fully naked, Homelander basks in the sight of you, ready and pliant for him. 

“ Yeah, what’s so funny” Homelander smiles at you. 

“ hmm. Dunno. You’re just so…” you trail off at the end of your sentence.

As you’re responding to his question, Homelander slips a finger inside you. You let out a cry, slightly rolling your head back.

“ Im so what sweetheart, finish your sentence” He grabs you by your neck, demanding a deep sloppy kiss, whilst adding another finger in your pussy, plunging deep in and out of your slick folds. He curls two fingers up,

‘So..mmph..good, feels good, john” 

“ Mmm yeah I know honey, I know ”  He coos, mockingly in between kisses. He worked his fingers until your breaths became ragged, squirming and quivering under his touch. 

“ You’re so fucking wet, baby” He grunts while you moan as John scissors his fingers in and out of your slick pussy. He moves his fingers, moving them into circles on your clit.

“Im gonna cum, please!” You plea for him to keep going, faster.

“ Ah ah ah, no i don’t think so. going do it on my dick remember?” He pulls his fingers out of your wet warmth, drags his tongue up and down his fingers.

He moans as he sucks on his own fingers, you look up at john with utter adoration.

“you taste so good mmph” Your tongues intertwine, lapping filthy at one another. He bits your earlobes while his hands lazily fidget with your nipples.

He then brings the bottom of his suit to his knees, cock swinging out. It’s egregiously thick. His length swollen and aching, leaking out precum from his pretty tip.

“ I’m going put my cock in now, ok sweetheart?” He seems to take it easy on you, as he doesn’t mention your mouth salivating at the sight of his dick.

“need it bad, been waiting for it”

“ Oh I know, i’ve seen the way you look at me” he laughs sinisterly.

He uses one of his arms to spread your thighs wider apart as his other hands supports you up, grasping the whole of your back. You smile up at him

He positions himself nearer to you, his cock at your entrance.

“ it’s gonna be a big stretch ok, need you to breath, if you need support, hold onto my shoulder.” he senses your lack of experience, or at least your naivety. you had never experienced anything like this, and you never would again, he would make sure of it.

you nod your head and look up. You’re already cock drunk, you trust him with your life. He reassures you with a kiss to your forehead.

Homelander bullies his length through your warm walls, gently and slowly. you let out a cry, both of pleasure and pain. you feel so good full, He groans into your mouth, as you moan into his.

“ ok honey, it’s going in”

“mmmphh John, so big..”

“does it hurt?” he stops in his tracks.

“a little, but not a lot” you say almost in a whisper.

“ok, ill keep going really slow, sweetheart”

He thrusts real slow, as he caresses your face. you lose feeling in your legs as he pounds softly into you. He finds him rhythm quickly as he maintains his pace. You hold onto his back as he moves his hands all over you.

“ God, your tight pussy clenching my cock feels so good sweet girl”

You smile and giggle.

“ My dick needs to be in your sweet cunt forever, sweet cunt, sweet girl” He growls into your ear.

“mm Keep going daddy!” you squeal, not knowing the damage you have done but uttering those words. Homelander feels like could come right then and there. A primal switch flipped in his brain.

Tears begin to swell in your eyes. “ I’m so so so sorry i didn’t mean to say that” Homelander sees your eyebrows furrow and your eyes widen.

His thrusts begin to pick up the pace, the perfect rhythm becomes sloppy, as your juices spill out of your thigh. His fat cock ever so slightly touches your cervix as you let out a soft sob.

“you don’t know what you do to me don’t you? Jesus, this pussy was molded for my cock” He grabs you by your knees and throws your legs over his shoulders. His dick twitches inside of you, signaling he’s about to cum, and you’re about to follow him.

“Say it again. Call me what you just called me” He annunciatesin a low voice.

“ Fuck, daddy feels good, want your cum” You feel free of all embarrassment and shame in that moment as you bask in euphoria.

“ That’s a good girl. Good girls get to cum. Good girls get filled up with daddy’s cum” Homelander never knew that this nickname did it for him. Hell, he was more of a mommy kind of guy, but he would do anything for you. Any word that came out of your mouth would make him hard, because it was you. But submitting yourself to him in this way, it did more than getting his dick up. He was disgusted by this feeling. What was it? Why did it feel so weird?

“ Oh god I’m gonna cum, gonna cum in you, give you babies oh god” He sloppily kisses your face, as fat blobs of sticky cum drip out of your cunt. He keeps his cock in your pussy, as he holds you with your face pressed to his chest.

“i need to come daddy” you stutter and shake under him.

He allows you to come and you swear you see stars. John smears his cum across your pussy, then he bends down to kiss in between your lips highs.

He helps you into your skirt and what’s left of the rest of your clothes. You smile at him, and he smiles back. A genuine smile.

that got a little more emotional then i thought it was? idk should i make more of homelander x reader in mind? if you want to give feedback feel free to :) i’m doing this to be a better writer !

divider creds: @cafekitsune @bunnysrph @anitalenia

[delta-piscium]

I wrote this in September and it’s been collecting dust in my docs and staring back at me with judgement whenever I post or write something else so here 

“Steve” a familiar voice shouts across the room.

Steve turns around, and there, on the other side of the crowded room is Tommy. It really shouldn’t be as big of a shock to see him as it is. Steve is at a house party on a Friday night, it would have been weirder if Tommy wasn’t here. But still, that doesn’t mean he’s prepared to see him, they basically haven’t talked in three years, ever since Steve ‘chose’ Nancy over him and Carol (aka finally dropped them because they were horrible and didn’t drop Nancy because she isn’t). 

Still, he plasters on a smile, making it as polite as he can, and waves. Hopes it will be enough but of course, it isn’t. Tommy starts weaving through people, pushing and elbowing his way toward Steve.

“Its been ages,” he says clapping his hand on Steve’s shoulder, “how have you been man.”

Steve resists the urge to shrug his hand off, but it’s a close thing. 

“It has.” Steve doesn’t add ‘because you’re an asshole and I hate who I am around you’ and he feels very mature for it. “I’m good.” He very deliberately does not ask Tommy how he’s been. 

“Me too, me too.” He responds anyways, at least he finally removes his hand from Steve’s shoulder which makes him relax marginally. “Still dating Nancy?” 

And, okay yeah, he and Tommy haven’t really spoken since he and Nancy were still together but Hawkins is a small town and he’s sure Tommy knows that Nancy had both broken up with Steve, gone on to date Jonathan for two years, and recently broken up with him as well. Actually, he thinks he remembers a shower conversation with Billy just days after she dumped him and went off to Murray with Jonathan, a conversation that Tommy was also present for.

“No, we broke up years ago.” He dutifully replies anyways, because what else can he say? 

“Yeah, heard she dumped you?” 

Steve is gonna remain calm, play along in whatever game Tommy is playing, and not react. 

“She did,” he agrees easily.

“And got with Jonathan right after? Should have listened to us and stayed away.” He grins as he speaks, grins as if Steve is gonna agree with him. 

“We’re still friends,” Steve shrugs, letting the fall of Tommy’s smile bring one to his own lips.

“Was for the best that we broke up, we’re much better as friends.” 

Tommy squints a bit, his hackles raising and Steve only notices because he once knew him so well. Why he’s still getting defensive talking about Nancy Steve doesn’t know.

“Oh Stevie, you still hung up on her huh?” 

It’s deliberate, he’s trying to press Steve’s buttons. ‘Well, tough Tommy-boy.’ Steve thinks, ‘those ones don’t work anymore, have been defunct for ages. You’re gonna have to do better than that if you want a reaction.’ 

“Nah,” he says, lets his smile be a bit more genuine when he continues, “she’s great but I’m dating someone else.” 

“Rebound?” Tommy whistles, “she hot?” 

Why Tommy is convinced Steve is still pining after Nancy he can’t say, or maybe it’s the only angle he has on Steve nowadays? Except they basically lived in each other's pockets all through high school and if Tommy really wants to get under Steve’s skin there are other things, better things. Things he has used against Steve before and seen the effect of. Why he isn’t he using them now when he clearly has some agenda Steve can’t say.

Steve is about to respond, has his mouth open and ready to speak when someone calls his name again. Thankfully this time the source is a lot more pleasant. 

Tommy turns around to see who it is, completely exposing his back to Steve. It’s probably the last few years of fighting hell monsters that has ingrained a distrust in Steve. Making him hyper-aware of his surroundings and never willing to leave his back open like this to people he doesn’t trust. He knows this but still, he thinks there should be some primal instinct in Tommy to stop him from making himself so vulnerable to Steve, the action speaks of leftover trust that Steve isn’t ready to face. 

“Munson? You know Munson?” He turns back around, an incredulous look on his face.

It snaps Steve out of his thoughts and reminds him Eddie had called for him. He leans to the side, stretching out so he’s visible behind Tommy, catching Eddie’s eye and waving him over.

“I do, yeah.”

Tommy’s face twists into something Steve can’t immediately place. He recognizes it, knows he’s seen Tommy make that face before. It’s not disgust or confusion but maybe something in between? Before he can figure it out it clears.

“Oh, King Steve getting drugs? Who would have thought?” 

Steve rolls his eyes, the only reason he had stopped smoking weed for a while in high school was because athletes got tested. Why Tommy is pretending Steve ever had some moral issue with it now is beyond him but not much of this interaction has made sense to him so far so what’s one more thing?

“What Steve doing drugs? He’s a very responsible young man and would never” Eddie says, twisting past the last couple of people.

“Right Stevie? You wouldn’t touch the stuff?” Eddie–knowing very well that Steve would in fact ‘touch the stuff’–asks. 

“Not with a ten-foot pole.” Steve–who smoked yesterday–deadpans. 

“Knew I could trust in you to stay a good boy.” Eddie coos as he steps into Steve's space and kisses him despite where they are. It’s quick enough that no one who isn’t watching would catch it though and the only one who is watching is Tommy. When Steve looks back at him his face slack with shock. 

“Hagan,” Eddie says with a short nod. 

“You-?” Tommy looks between them, that same look as before flashing on his face, still just out of Steve’s grasp.

Steve contemplates what he should do for a second but Tommy already saw them kiss, already knows. And honestly, Steve doesn’t really care what he thinks and he knows Tommy won't say anything. Steve has too much dirt on him.

“Oh sorry, Tommy this is my boyfriend.” His voice is deceptively sweet as he introduces Eddie as if that’s what Tommy had been getting at.

Steve turns to Eddie, “baby, you know who Tommy is right?” 

He’s laying it on thick, asks despite Eddie greeting him by name two seconds ago. Knows others' unabashed confidence and being on the outside are things Tommy can’t handle.

“I think so,” Eddie plays along, “you were friends once right? Before you found better people?” 

It’s mean but Steve wouldn't have thought too much of it if it weren’t for the wounded noise Tommy makes. When Steve looks at him again his face is cracked open and it finally clicks what that expression is.

“Aw, you jealous?” Eddie says in a mocking tone, hitting the nail on the head because that’s exactly what that expression is, jealousy. 

It’s the same look he had whenever Steve told him about a new girl, the look he’d have when Steve started bringing Nancy around. It’s deeper though, not only jealousy. He also looks like he did when Steve told him and Carol to leave him alone. He doesn’t just look jealous, Tommy looks heartbroken. 

He tries to pull it together, scrunching his nose up in disdain, and scowls at them. Quickly looks away from Steve when their eyes catch and his mask falls a bit, instead focusing on Eddie who raises one eyebrow in response. 

“Hardly,” he scoffs, it comes out strained, “I would love to stay and chat but-” 

He doesn’t elaborate, just turns on his heel and disappears into the crowd.

Steve is frozen to the spot, a war going on in his head. Puzzle pieces he didn’t know were missing falling into place.

“Come on, let's get out of here.” Eddie grabs Steve’s wrist and starts pulling him outside, away from the party. He gets them in his car and doesn’t try to speak to Steve, probably sensing he’s having some earth-shattering realizations right now. 

“He liked me,” he finally manages to say. “That’s why he hated Nancy so much. He was...” he trails off, knows it’s true but can’t quite say it.

“Jealous,” Eddie finishes softly.

“You knew?” Steve asks because Eddie doesn’t sound or look surprised at all.

He shrugs, “I had my suspicions.”

“But how-”

“We looked at you the same,” his smile is wry, self-deprecating, “I recognized it.”

And Steve can’t really process this right now even though he knows it’s true so he grasps at straws, “Carol, he was with Carol?”

Eddie reaches out one arm and cups his face in his hand, glances at him quickly before he looks back at the road with a sad smile.

“If you’re in love with your best friend, your male best friend who you believe is straight, you do what you need to do to push it down, to hide it. Especially in high school and in a small town.”

“In love?” Steve rasps because he’d said ‘like’.

“Yeah, sweetheart. In love.”

Eddie brushes his fingers under Steve’s eye and he realizes it’s because he’s crying.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I don’t know why I'm reacting like this.” 

And it’s true, he really doesn’t understand why it feels like a big hole has opened in him. He never liked Tommy, not like that, yet it feels like he’s lost something, fucked something up.

“He used to be your best friend, it’s a big thing to realize.” Eddie parks outside of his trailer, turns to Steve making no move to get out of the car. “Kind of changes everything, or at least puts it in a new context, explains some things.”

Steve feels the blood drain from his face because he’s suddenly remembered something and oh god does it put it in a new fucking context.

“Baby?” Eddie asks when Steve sits frozen again.

“We used to get wasted and make out,” he whispers the words, shame coursing through his veins.

Eddie goes still and Steve rushes the explain.

“Not often and not after he got with Carol, just,” he takes a shallow breath, “It happened a few times. We’d steal my dad's whiskey and get so beyond drunk and, well, kiss a lot.” 

He’d smile at the memory if he wasn’t so horrified by it at the moment. 

“The first time Tommy had never kissed anyone, asked me to teach him so he wouldn’t fuck it up when it mattered. Then after that it just kind of continued to happen. We’d get drunk, make out, and pretend like nothing. It stopped when he started seeing Carol, he tried but I stopped him. Told him he didn’t need to practice now when he had the real deal. We never talked about or even mentioned it.”

Steve sees Eddie’s arms shake and when he looks up he sees Eddie holding back laughter, eyes filled with barely concealed amusement.

“Are you laughing right now?”

Eddie stops holding back, letting the laughter burst out of him and Steve is so confused because he thought Eddie would be mad at him. He’s not sure why, it’s just that this has been such a deeply buried secret wrapped in shame for years with a big ‘do not talk or even think about it’ sign placed in front of it. That it would be met with laughter was never a possibility.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps through it, “It’s just such a cliche.”

Steve’s confused face only makes Eddie laugh harder. When he calms down he takes Steve's face in both his hands holding him firmly and looking him in the eyes.

“Steve, baby, sweetheart. Tommy used the oldest trick in the book on you, asking you to teach him how to kiss and you did it multiple times because what? he needed practice? That’s the flimsiest excuse to gay kiss your best friend and it’s also fucking done, it’s a cliche.”

Steve blinks, realizes that while he never had feelings for Tommy he had definitely found him attractive, had enjoyed kissing him. Had very deliberately not thought too deeply about his or Tommy's motives because that would have made it something he would have had to face.

“Oh,” he says.

Eddie smiles, wide and warm, “yeah, oh.”

“You don’t think I used him?” Steve has to ask, “if he had feelings for me and I didn’t have any for him.”

“No,” Eddie says, “not more than he did you. And you were kids, just messing around and trying to figure yourselves out in a not-very-accommodating world.”

Eddie squints a bit in thought, “though he probably thought you were more on the same page, that you could continue even though he was with Carol. Must have stung to be rejected.”

Steve snorts, “wasn’t really interested in helping anyone cheat, even under all the pretenses.”

“I know.” 

Eddie's eyes are soft, looking at him with so much warmth that Steve momentarily forgets what they were talking about until Eddie's mouth twists into a sly grin.

“I can’t believe your first gay experience was with Tommy fucking Hagan.”

Steve gives him an unimpressed look, “at least I didn’t come in my pants ten seconds in, like some people I know.”

Eddie draws back, clutching his chest with his hands, “harsh words, love. It was at least a minute.”

[onebillionghosts]

okay i talked about some of this on cohost. but i feel like it needs to be shared here, because here is where i experience some of the most of it.

it feels like most abled people only ever see neurodivergent people either as a tragedy, or a joke. except, we all know about being treated as a tragedy. plenty of people discuss that. but it feels like we rarely talk about how on a large scale, neurodivergent people have always been treated as a joke.

growing up, it was "autistic screeching REEEEEE" and the r-slur and "what are you, some sorta psycho" and "i'm so ocd/adhd" and mocking autistic people's stims. and just the entire existence of autism at all as being something inherently ridiculous and to be mocked and joked about. and almost EVERYONE online did it. when i was a kid, i couldn't look up my own conditions without seeing nothing but either people treating it like it was the worst, most horrible thing on earth, or people treating it like people who had it were ultimately one big joke. the only place you EVER saw positivity was in the sparse few communities made for and by people with the conditions.

but back then, the neurodivergent movement was underground. nobody really knew about it if you weren't actually neurodivergent yourself and involved in a few small close-knit communities. but then in the past few years, that's started to change. i think it was around 2020-ish that i started noticing people started to, well, notice us. while we're still far off from everyone in general being aware of our existence, we've slowly started to become mainstream. now canonically autistic characters are starting to appear in media, and people actually noticed when sia released her god-awful movie and criticized it.

but even so, neurodivergency never stopped being treated as a joke. some people realized that their previous jokes were harmful, and it seemed like we were finally making progress. but as a side-effect of neurodivergency becoming more well-known in the public eye, things started to change, and not necessarily for the better. suddenly, the concept of "neurodivergency" itself became a joke.

and now it feels like the label that was so important to the community, which we were so proud of, which felt so liberating, is a joke again. you can't say "neurodivergent" without people saying you're making up oppression for attention, and saying you're overreacting, and saying that godawful "neurodivergent and a minor" phrase. and i understand that some of it is because of people having tryied to excuse shitty behavior off of their mental disabilities/illnesses. and yeah that's awful, and neurodivergency should never be an excuse for bad behavior. but now people are turning one of our biggest points of pride, which we worked so hard on, into something to be ashamed of. not to mention shit like "delulu" and "restarted" and "narcissist" and "acoustic' and "i am in your walls".

and the recent trend that ableism is made up or being overexaggerated, which i've been seeing online recently, just makes my blood boil. i can't go outside without being stared at or treated like a child or mocked. we don't have the basic human rights to immigrate or marry or get a job, and many of us don't have any autonomy at all. countless of us die every day because nobody cares enough about us or believes us. hate crimes and police violence against the mentally disabled and mentally ill is still a huge thing. and it is still legal to physically and psychologically and emotionally abuse us, and in many places kill us. but people act like we're all making this up for attention. it's a type of discrimination and oppression so that is so sheerly widespread and all-consuming, but yet it's so invisible.

i mean of course people have never believed us about our experiences and the sheer amount of ableism we face. that's not new. but i guess just what makes it hurt so worse now is that people now realize the neurodivergent community exist, and people who we used to think are allies are turning against us and mocking us. someone makes fun of neurodivergent people, you try to say "hey don't do that", and now everyone is dogpiling you and saying you're "pissing on the poor" and "proving their point." we can't criticize albeism from others online now without being told we're overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. and i see people who i thought were allies reblogging and laughing about this kinda stuff. and it just really feels like it's hard to trust abled people. it feels like every time i think i can trust a neurotypical person, they turn on us. and sometimes i just feel like cutting off any neurotypical people altogether, even though i know realistically there are some good allies out there. it just feels like there are so few

idk just feels bad man. we really can't catch a break can we

[thereturningdemise]

Listen I need to get this out I know it's random as fuck but you don't understand just how infuriating books can be

Major spoilers for Redwall: Outcast not that you should care in my opinion if you do you could still read and enjoy it because I am only discussing the halfway point of the book and the ending

I would suggest for maximum yapping effect to refrain from skimming and to indulge my every enraged screech with your fullest and utmost attention

Now without further ado... The most aggravating book I have ever read in my life.

Redwall is a series I love. I had read a lot of the books and, finally, I was going to read one I had been looking forward to- Outcast. There's a ferret on the cover. That's right. A ferret main character, a race previously considered as "vermin" in the other books. The back alluded to their struggle for fitting into Redwall given the prejudice against their kind and I was so excited to dig my teeth into a cute and whimsical story about my favorite animal

But guess what

In a book in which the cover is a ferret and the back description is about the ferret... Do you want to know... What the book was actually about?

Because it wasn't about the ferret. No. Not until almost to the end of the book and they are a horribly treated side character that gets so astronomically butchered by the story I closed the book in disgust at the end.

The book should have been called Sunflash the Mace because that is actually the main character and he is not an outcast at all. He is more akin to a paladin of sorts. He is a great character and his companion is awesome I have no issues with him it is not his fault for the book being so grossly mishandled

You encounter the story of the ferret halfway through the book. He is the rejected son of an evil tyrant ferret that gets raised in a shitty environment only to eventually be saved and brought to the abbey.

So, what happens?

He is abused and ostracized by his peers for being a ferret and then lashing out for being bullied. Yes he steals things but rather than just saying the ferret is a bad egg why not punish the bullies for once and help the poor ferret learn to be a bit better? The only supportive figure he had was his adoptive mom and you can see him getting worse and worse because of the lack of any sort of help

Then, eventually he runs away to join his dad. His dad, the evil tyrant. He fights for him against Redwall, and this is where things get infuriating.

His mother is almost killed. His adoptive mother. He steps in front of her and sacrificed himself to save her.

At the end of the book two characters discuss this. "I'm sorry, I guess he really wasnt evil from the start..." Another person says.

Then the most evil, sick bit of writing I have ever seen graces the last specks of the page. A phrase that rocked me to my core for all the ferret had been through and what he had done at the very end.

"no, he was. I was wrong."

From the mouth of his own adoptive mother.

Now. You may be wondering- surely, SURELY there's more to this? Maybe in the books ferrets are just evil!

EXCEPT IN ONE OF THE PREVIOUS BOOKS A RAT BECAME A TOY MAKER THAT GIVES BOATS TO KIDS, A PREVIOUSLY COMPLETELY EVIL RACE AND NEED I REMIND YOU THAT THE BOOK WAS SET UP ON THE COVER AND BACK AS IF IT WAS GOING TO BE ABOUT THE FERRET FIGHTING FOR HIS RIGHT TO BE LOVED? I BELIEVE IT WAS MARIEL AND THAT BOOK WAS INCREDIBLE AND THE BEST IN THE FUCKING SERIES

That's all I wanted to say

I wish with all of my fucking heart the book was renamed to Sunflash the Mace I would have been so much less angry. I wish it had focused completely on his ending, rather than randomly having the poor ferret bastardized by his mother in the end

Read Mistmantle instead, guys

[stolas-bgw]

Play the Sidequests You Coward

Final Fantasy XVI is a litmus test for the patience gamers have for a story and worldbuilding.

FFXVI has got it's issues, it's combat is a bit over-reliant on the power of the dominant moves and is a little brain dead. It's crafitng system is... clearly forced in? Like the game did not NEED a crafting system and would probably be exactly the same without it. Late game the combat effects begin to obscure the screen and meld together so it gets to be a little difficult to tell what's going on.

That being said, the one and most common critique of FFXVI as being "objectively bad" are the sidequests. A critique I wholly disagree with and, to be honest, am sick and tired of hearing. When I see a reviewer critique the side quests as being boring and tearing away from the experience of the game, all I hear is "I didn't watch the cutscenes."

These quests are not just "collect 3 nuts, get shitty XP, and move on." These quests are world building and story fleshing out events. Some of the best stories are tucked away in these "fetch quests." These stories make the main quest feel MORE EPIC, MORE IMPACTFUL, not less.

As some have pointed out, CBUIII, the team that made FFXIV, clearly took their design for side quests from XIV and put it inot XVI. Except that's not true. They didn't take the structure for it's side quests, they took the structure from their main quests. FFXIV's main quest is filled with "go fetch 3 things," "go talk to X people," "hold my hand and give me a guided tour of X area." And to some people, these quests are "pointless filler." But to the people who are actually invested in FFXIV's story, you know these quests are ESSENTIAL to making the story as emotionally ressonant as it is.

The same is true for the sidequests in FFXVI. These quests feel as though they SHOULD be mandatory, not optional. But because FFXVI is a more mass-appealing game, CBUIII knew that not everyone would have the patience for dealing with these seemingly mundane issues. It was the correct move to make these sidequests. But they are anything but side content.

The sidequests are not boring fetchquests that give shit xp. They are story quests that flesh out the world of Valisthea, the people of the world, and Clive as a character. They show you why Clive fights for the right to live and die as you choose, they give the message of the game texture and depth. The main quests WORKS on it's own, but the side quests really elevate it, if you give them the time of day.

These are incredibly well written, emotionally resonant, and important missions that I am sick and tired for being compared to "shitty MMO quests." This isn't WoW where you help a random guy kill 40 boars and you never see them again. You getting that food to those people MATTER. Those people needed someone like them to reach out to them, or they may have had a much harder time integrating into a new life. Clive needed to see how horrible the world could be through the eyes of a child raised by a corrupt system. CLIVE would give a shit about the people who work for him and help them out when he can. He would want to LEARN about the people who are risking their lives day in and day out to help make their vision become reality.

Can some of the side quests feel boring? Sure. But that's kind of the point. These quests are grounded in reality and tedioum of life. Not nearly as much as in FFXIV, but still enough that it DOES test your patience and appreciation of the story and world. If you don't like that, that's ok it's why it's side content. But these quests ARE NOT MMO fetch quests. They matter and make the story better for existing.

[soup-spoonie]

I'm getting so frustrated with Qilipta (a migraine preventative med). I've been on it for three months now, and it was SUPER effective for the first month and a half. But now it's losing effectiveness just like Nurtec did. And the neurologist had warned me that this med was going to make my hand tremors worse--I didn't think that would be a big deal but it really is affecting my papercrafting.

Idk man. We had already started the approval process for Botox and I do qualify now, and doing that doesn't mean I can't also try a new preventative. But I'm just so tired of trying meds. Over the past 15 years I keep thinking "Oh it's so much better THIS is the one that finally makes a big difference!" and then it just fizzles out like this.

On the flip side, I'm nervous about moving on bc the severity of the pain during migraines is still improved--but they're still disabling pretty often because of all the other symptoms. Still, I don't want to go back to hurting more...

I dunno, I just needed to rant about how frustrated I am. This summer has been horrible for migraines for so many of us. If anyone has experiences with migraine preventative meds please share in the replies! Have you found this particular summer to be worse than usual? Has Botox proven more effective than preventative meds?

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

it feels like I'm going fucking insane I just finished the episode "One day, one room" and i was fucking astounded. It left me with my mouth open, literally peak television. Seeing this side of house, seeing him finally open up for once, seeing him say "I don't know", the novelty of seeing him experience the fact that connection comes with uncertainess. He made that human connection and he doesn't know if it helped her or not

The DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TIME HOUSE GOES TO THE JOGGING PARK TO GET AWAY FROM CUDDY AND ITS OLAYED FOR LAUGHS AND THEN THE SAME LOCATION IS SHOWN FROM A NEW PERSPECTIVE BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY WHEN HE TAKES THE PATIENT THERE

THE CHANGE. THE FUCKING CHANGE OF THE MOOD OF THE TONE OF THE WHOLE EPISODE. THE CHARACTERIZATION GODDDDD

This literally had a huge effect of me this episode was touching

ANYWAYS PEOPLE ON REDDIT DONT LIKE IT???? AM I INSANE???? AM I DUMB???? AM I ILLITERATE IN MEDIA??? AM I GOING INSANE??? IS THIS NOT ONE OF THE BEST HOUSE MD EPISODES????? im asking you because youre the only house md person i know on this hellsite

Well, your first mistake was taking what people on reddit say seriously and letting their opinion affect the way YOU think about this episode and how it affected you!!!!! One day one room is indeed, an amazing episode, it really is one of those times where we see House truly open up. One of the rare times where he opens up to someone other than Wilson, or Cuddy, someone who doesn't actually even really know him. And he opens up for the patients benefit!! He only does it because she asked him to!! He doesn't have much to gain from this but she asked for it, she basically begged for someone to connect with her pain and he happened to be the one she chose for the task. Even tho this sort of thing does NOT come naturally to him at all.

Theres just something about how uncertain he is about all of this too. The way he asks his team for help (tell her your life sucked - it didn't, tell her nothing bad has ever happened to you - but it did, dont tell her anything. and don't these answers say some interesting things about the people who gave them), the way he settles for a half truth at first and almost loses her trust because of it. The way he eventually just lets it happen. The way he is still so uncertain about whether he did the Right thing even when the impact of his actions seems to be mostly positive. The way he is still not sure if he truly helped her or if he just made a traumatised girl remember the horrible things that happened to her. The way he had to unearth his own past to do that (did it make any difference? Wouldn't it have been better to just forget everything?). The way he is clearly bothered by it. "Because i don't know." What a way to end this episode. All of that uncertainty, the fact that human connections are one of those things that he will never be able to fully understand or control, the fact that he will never know if he made the right choice. Its honestly been a few months since i last watched the earlier seasons but you made me think about this ep again and yeah you are so right, this is probably one of the best house md episodes. Me (insane) to you (also insane): you are not insane and neither am i. Take my hand. Strangers on reddit don't know shit.

[lestappenforever]

okay so I wanna voice my opinion bc I feel your blog as the only safe space where I can do that.

regarding Newey leaving the team: I absolutely agree on not seeing him returning to McLaren. I don't think this team at the moment can provide to Newey both sufficient salary and leeway. McLaren are coming back from a slump and I think Newey would be interested in working with those who have come out of that more or less reliably or have long established themselves as a top team. He does not have time to rebuild the team which fell. McLaren needs time, though they are making great progress.

going to Aston Martin: maybe, especially from 2026 as they are switching to Honda engines and Newey already has experience and connections with this company and their supplies from his time in Red Bull. also in the team there is Alonso, which could interest Newey, but most likely this is the last contract for Fernando, and therefore there won't be long years of joint work. further to work with the team in which one of the pilots absolutely cannot realize the potential of the car (side-eye to Stroll) is a waste of time. and with all the rumors of selling Astons – Newey needs someone who can stand their ground confidently.

I don't think Newey is interested in Mercedes in any way, because they've currently lost a driver that he would like to work with, and also got the car concept horribly wrong. all the ground effect era doesn't go well for them. and atm I don't see it changing.

if I remember it right (correct me if I'm wrong) Newey has twice in his career expressed interest in working with scuderia and perhaps now he finally has the opportunity to do so. he was seriously stopped by the fact of moving to Italy, so we'll see how it turns out.

I am not a tifosi, god knows I hate this traditional team, but I respect the work they are doing and the probability of Newey leaving to go to Ferrari is the greatest right now. two drivers with the potential to compete for the title and both can adapt their style to the car. one of them has 7 titles, the other has the potential to compete for the title PLUS importantly has a natural preference for oversteer.

Hamilton and Leclerc are gonna be the best duo to extract everything out of the car and push it to the limit. we'll see how the teammate dynamic will go, but they're both respectful enough to each other. even if once they'll crash, they will talk, solve the problem and move on.

but to be honest I wouldn't worry about Red Bull fans. at least until the end of the current technical regulations. the 2025 car is being developed during 2024 so maybe Ferrari will gain strength and by 2025 Max will have some competition, but there can't be a failure for sure. and lastly: with the new technical regulations Newey usually does not immediately get exactly into the concept and build a "self-driving" car. it usually takes him time so it depends not only on Newey's work but also on how the other teams fucked up or on the contrary amazingly get into the concept.

I've read info that a lot of things on the technical side have also been under Pierre Vache's direction in recent years. so that's when Ferrari pulls him (and then Hannah Schmitz) off as well, I'd start to panic.

I seriously rationally see Ferrari getting stronger, Mercedes falling lower and lower (and it won't be any better in 2025, they fucked up) and maybe at some point these two teams will form a league of top teams, Aston, Macs and Mercs as mid-fielders and then the further outsiders.

however over the next decade (?) I think Williams can make a serious comeback. James Vowles is actually quite ruthless, don't let his insinuating and calm tone fool you. this is the man who swapped places between Valtteri and Lewis in a Mercedes even without the need. he cares about the drivers but first of all he cares about the team. so don't be surprised if Logan will end up without the seat next year.

James Vowles is a strategist and has already started to change the team and also the approach to the car. imo it is a known fact that the car of the top team is built so that it is good everywhere: straights, fast-corners, low speed corners... they might not be the best. but they're good everywhere. balance is the key to success. outsiders, on the other hand, make sure that the car has pronounced strengths. therefore, the car can only score points on a track that suits its configuration. the strong point of Williams was the straights. this year it is not as pronounced as in previous seasons, but it is a sacrifice for future development. keeping an eye on this team because their approach is the most promising in the long run of all the outsider teams.

and one last thing I wanted to say for everyone reading this post and especially for those new to Formula 1 fandom: don't let vroom vroom world events affect you emotionally. otherwise every new weekend will be an emotional swing. don't cry about Newey leaving, don't get mad at James for his decision on Logan in Australia. there is no point. you have no influence on these events and negative emotions are not the nicest thing to feel. so just observe. this will keep you sane.

thank you very much for reading this long ask, I really want to know your opinion on my takes. please, tell me if you disagree, I'm very open to see arguments, why am I wrong. thank you once again 💚

First of all, I'm so happy that you see my blog as a safe space to share your thoughts! That makes me so happy.

Anon, I don't have anything at all to add to this, not to mention that I do not have anything I can say I disagree with. So if you don't mind, I'm just going to leave this here in all its glory. Just know that I am in love with your mind. 💚

[lykomeraki]

The Ahsoka series should have been animated

Personally I am of the belief that the Ahsoka series should have been animated. It sucks that there is still a belief that animation is just for kids, and live action would draw in a larger audience. Animation brings more range and opportunities that live action just can't capture, and the fact that something is animated does not even slightly mean it is solely for kids. And honestly, viewers of Ahsoka would have had to watch both Clone Wars and Rebels to even understand who half the characters were and why Ezra and Thrawn were important.

There would be a much better range for fight scenes, and the actors apart from a few, like Eman Esfandi, David Tenant (even as a voice actor) and Lars Mikkelsen were very wooden and didn't really bring the characters to life. And that scene in the finale where they're deflecting the shots from the stormtroopers inside the fortress was choreographed horribly. Animation would have allowed for more of the action filled fight scenes we saw in Rebels and Clone Wars.

They also put to much focus on Sabine becoming a jedi, I didn't really see any hints of that in Rebels, and I think it would have been really cool to see her use some of her mandalorian gadgets. and animation would have provided much better opportunities for them to be used like we were able to see in Rebels.

The show was also essentially Rebels season 5. I think that was actually confirmed somewhere (don't remember where though). I think they should have named it differently, like Specter Crew or something. and animation would allow them to include characters like Zeb and Kallus. But unfortunately, much like the Kenobi series Ahsoka ended up being turned into a side character in her own show.

Animation would also provide more opportunities for continuation, as well as making effects like nightsister magic (the way they used this in the show made no sense at all) and explosions fit in better with the setting. Animation also means that you can get acrobatics and fluid movement from the characters you expect them from like Ahsoka, without actors having to worry about prosthetics.

Thoughts?

[spacedlexi]

Wait, people think Carver is the best TWDG villain?? I always thought he was basic as hell, and the fact that he was beefing with an 11-years old girl... Now Stranger on the other hand was great, he was super intimidating and off-putting and I was genuinely so scared he would hurt Clementine. I also liked Minnie for the same reasons (she was so creepy/off-putting), but I still think Stranger is the best villain bc he had a great setup while Minnie was kind of a secondary villain. But going back to Lilly/Carver, I also definitely prefer Lilly over Carver even though neither are my favorite... And now I'm kind of curious how you would rank the rest of the TWDG villains? 🤔

carver being the best villain is a sentiment ive heard for years 😭 im sure its coming from the "S2 is the best season" crowd tho which i also dont agree with 💀

the stranger is an effective villain. hes not exactly the typical villain type people expect. but hes very unsettling and him stalking clementine for who even knows how long through the walkie talkie is 🤢 he really makes me feel sick. she was using that talkie to deal with the loss of her parents, and this fucking creep took advantage of that so hard he was able to convince her to trust him. ugh he makes me feel so gross. and think of all the guilt clem must have about that situation. trusting this freak to help her find her parents, when if she had just stayed then lee wouldnt have gotten bit looking for her, and her parents were already dead the entire time anyway. oof. theres no way that isnt one of the biggest regrets of her life

carver is fine. i definitely think his character wouldve made more sense if they put kenny in that role instead. that way theres less "i am a grown man beefing with an 11 year old" and more "this is a child i helped look out for once, and im gonna make sure shes raised Right". but i agree that carver as he is is just over the top. overly villainous to the point of it being a little comical. like when villains are all tough like that my reaction is usually "god i WISH youd fucking kill me already so i dont have to hear your bullshit anymore do you know how GOOFY you sound??". if it was kenny in that role i definitely think they wouldve been able to tone it back a bit, and him "having a good side" wouldve been way more believable. as he is carver is kind of one note

joan.... definitely the weakest of the bunch. i dont really have much to say about her. david isnt even technically a villain but i definitely saw him as the better antagonist for the season. i mean hes definitely a villain in clems eyes. and is a constant semi-antagonist towards javi throughout the whole season. joans just kinda.. there.. doing things behind the scenes to cause conflict until the final confrontation. and then she can just disappear... okay

i like the way the antagonists work in S4. theres more of a discussion around what actually makes someone a villain and the difference between a person who fucked up and made (very horrible) mistakes, and a person who is straight up a threat. and i like that it connects back to the idea of lee and his murder of that senator. did he do something horrible? yes. did he destroy his relationship to his family? yes. does he regret what he did? i think so. and he definitely has guilt about his fucked up relationship with his wife. in S1 they mention how non-guilty people got sent to prison all the time. while lee is Definitely a murderer, we get to see over the season that hes a good guy who just wanted a family and in a moment of rage and betrayal did something he can never take back. this is why i never hated marlon. did he fuck up and do horrible things? of course. but he was a scared fucked up teen leading a group of other scared fucked up teens. he knows he fucked up, and continued fucking up to cover for his previous fuck ups lol. but he can be talked down. its a shame it ends the way it does, but i really like being able to teach aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly

lilly takes that kenny/carver idea and applies it to a clementine that has grown up and has been looking out for herself (and baby aj) for years now, instead of the 11 year old trying to figure shit out she was in S2. shes too old for lilly to be able to sway her in a way she couldve been more susceptible to in S2, and when lilly finally realizes this she just turns her attention to aj instead, seeing the potential in him (a potential clem does NOT want aj to live up to, wanting him to get to be a kid and not just a survivor, let alone a killer). lilly is fun because you can see in her that she WANTS clementine on her side, and throughout the season progressively realizes that its just never going to happen. both lilly AND clem come to the realization that this person they once considered family is beyond reason, their views too different, and so the fighting begins. their fight at the end of EP3 really feels like a "so its finally come to this" moment for both of them, their final fight. i always shoot her.

whats interesting about minnie is seeing her evolve from secondary antagonist in EP3 to straight up primary villain in EP4. the things shes done, the way shes been broken. she becomes her own downfall, seeing herself as someone beyond redemption. that this is just who she is now, its how things have to be. because if they didnt have to be this way? well then theres a lot more guilt she'd have to deal with. yelling at her in EP4 to just STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE but she has been changed (in her eyes) so irreparably that she cant see any other option. and she progressively sees clem as the one who fucked everything up for her, instead of accepting that it could all finally be OVER. after killing sophie, the delta was all she had left. it cant have all been for nothing. and so she blames clem for taking it all away from her, even tho clem is just trying to protect her family. the family that used to be minnies. and so in her rage she gets bit. something else that she couldve avoided. but shes just too lost to her own downward spiral, unable to be reasoned with. by that point she just wants it all to be Over. and she wants to take tenn with her so she can finally pretend things can all go back to the way they used to be. her, sophie, tenn, and their parents all together again, where no more bad things have to happen to them. shes super tragic and i love her for that. and i love how she holds this dark mirror up to clem. clem struggles to let go of her past too, and the guilt she has over the things shes done and people shes hurt. and that if she cant learn to let go and move on she could get lost to it the same way minnie did. theres a reason clem is so quick to accept her fate, but shes finally able to leave that guilt holding her to her past behind in that barn. and she returns to ericson a much happier and lighter person, so much weight finally lifted from her shoulders. its finally over for her too

so yeah. my fave villains are definitely the S4 ones due to their nuance and layers. then the stranger, then carver, then joan. if i had to put david on this list he'd probably be above carver. but thats mainly because he has more nuance than carver ever did

[upsilambic]

[ I was going through my WIPs again and started poking at this one again. Who knows when I'll finally finish it, so I thought I'd post a snippet of it for fun.]

Untitled - Squalo and Bianchi are stuck cooking together

"It's not even a secret. The answer is love, of course."

"...love.” The word spilled off Squalo's tongue as if it had suddenly gone rancid in his mouth. He made a face to match that sentiment. “Way to take a perfectly good conversation and make it weird, Poison Scorpion." He reached for his own wine to wash away his distaste.

Bianchi, for her part, remained unpreterbed.

"There is nothing weird about it. After all, you are here out of love for your boss."

Squalo was almost positive she had waited to say that until he had taken a drink, and really, he would have been grudgingly impressed had he not, at that moment, been suffering the consequences of aspirating red wine. Clearly all her time spent with Reborn had left an impression.

"NO," he managed to wheeze out.

Bianchi deftly ignored his plight, seemingly lost in contemplation in the way the wine in her glass caught the light. Though, there was a towel suddenly handy to mop up the wine that sloshed from his when he set it down.

"There are many kinds of love,” she said at last. “It's not all romantic love, and there is nothing wrong with it if it is. Don't be such a child."

"Voi, I am not being a child!" It was a regrettable choice of words, and there was no mistaking Bianchi's amused smirk. "Whatever," he said with a wave of his hand. "You can just fuck all the way off." He attempted a dramatic turn, but the effect was not the same with his hair tied back. This only added to his irritation,so with all the airs and grace of a wet cat, he focused his attention on completing the Boss's meal. Damn Boss better eat it or he was going to shove it down his stupid throat. Hah, how's that for love?

"Is it so hard?"

"Is what so hard?"

"Talking about emotions that aren't anger."

“It’s hardly just anger. It’s more…nuanced. There’s rage, of course. Frustration, irritability, vengefulness…”

“You’re deflecting.”

“Am I?”

Bianchi said nothing and seemingly waited with all the patience of a saint. Squalo recognized her silence as a challenge. As much as he wanted to ignore her and her argument, he also really wanted to win. He glared down at his sauté pan of aromatics as if they held his answer.

"Anger is direct and efficient. All the rest gets unnecessarily complicated."

"Hm, perhaps. I didn't think you were the type to shy away from the difficult path."

"Heeey, I'm not shying away from anything! I just don't happen to wear these things-"

"-Feelings."

"...fine. On my sleeve, alright?"

There was a pause as Bianchi tipped her head to the side and regarded him carefully. "Does this conversation make you uncomfortable, Superbi Squalo?"

Deeply, horribly, excruciatingly. "No." 

“What if I exchanged the word love for loyalty or devotion?”

Squalo shot her a look. Of all the words she could choose, she picked one that he most prided himself upon. He was about to shout that loyalty wasn't stupid and soppy when he saw there was no judgment. She was stating what she felt was fact. Suddenly, the weight of his braid felt very heavy. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

“Alright. Fine. I get it. I do,” he said at last. “I’m still not calling it love, though.” He waved his spatula at her to emphasize his point. She didn't flinch. Of course she didn't. Her lips pulled into a small smile 

“You don’t have to.”

[ash-arts-a-thing]

So, I followed the scent of angst and ended up finding ur trollshock au, LOVIN IT so far!

Had to look up what bioshock was and its context and characters since I’m not a gamer, but I am still a bit confused bout the whole situation. U don’t have to, but do u think u could give a brief rundown of what’s going on?

Thank you!!! I’m glad you’re liking it!! I hope to do more for it soon!!

Where do I start? I haven’t gotten a comeplete timeline from begining to end, so some things aren’t difinitive, but I can give you run downs on a couple things.

Sorry this got kinda long, I’ll put it under a read more, if you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to ask!

John Dory and his parents were invited to move to Rapture for their scientific knowledge, which works for them because morally their parents are extremely bankrupt so they can get away with anything down there. JD was aiming to get into the music industry, he’s a great song writer (not naming them though) and he’s ace with a guitar, but their parents managed to talk him out of it. They claimed his entertainment skills would be put to better use by demonstrating plasmids and tonics, of course back then they weren’t comepletely aware of the side effects excessive and heavy use could do to somebody both physically and mentally.

So for a while JD was the face and name of plasmid use, his favourites being Enrage and Incinerate. The first side effects he had were horrible migraines so he uses a pair of tinted goggles to try to avoid bright lights, and around this time he’d been told they would be having another baby soon. JD, excited at the thought of being a big brother, recorded a few songs for them via audio diary and one in particular being written specifically for his sibling.

Not long after Bruce was hatched the effects of constantly destroying and rewriting his dna finally caught up to him and they quickly pulled JD from any sort of spotlight and practically erased his existance, claiming that he had to be sent back to the surface for business reasons. In reality they signed him off to the new Protector Program, Bruce was signed to the Little Sister (Brother) Program. Any male subject they tried to use for the LSP hasn’t worked, but they managed to make it work ask long as Bruce was paired JD and ONLY JD.

Unfortunately the slug they planted into Bruce had the side effect to make him age incredibly fast and while they saw it as a benefit at first, since the rest of the children in the Program were 5-6 years old, but by the end of year 3 he had the looks and mental capacity of a 30 year old. He was not happy to say the least, since he’d been put through multiple experiments to try to slow the process before he reached his ‘30s’.

They went through the same thing with the rest of the brothers, slowly perfecting the aging problem with each one before getting it right with Branch. Each brother also still has their slug in their bodies, leaving them with the residual effects they caused when they were LB, but they don’t know how long they’ll last since Clay and Floyd don’t get Adam unlike Bruce.

B, C, and F, are desperately trying to get to Branch without hurting JD or causing his body to shut down from Branch being taken from him. Floyd quickly became reckless in his attempts and constantly takes mortal damage. Bruce is trying to keep Clay and Floyd safe even forbidding them from using Plasmids and Tonics so they don’t destroy their bodies or minds. Clay is constantly torn between his two brothers, wanting them to just be a family, but knowing trying to seperate Branch and John Dory safely will most likely be impossible.

John Dory still has some part of him left, doing little things to keep his personality like the way he’s still a showmen when he uses plasmids, he’ll hum along to any of the songs he’s written if they’re played through a diary. When he hums you can hear the barest undertone of his regular voice mixed with the guttural voice of the Big Daddy’s, it’s very comforting actually. So he’s aware, but sometimes he isn’t.

Viva and Poppy were also put through the PP and LSP, Viva forcefully put through rapid aging to fit the role of a Big Sister and Poppy put through the conditioning. Viva is fully aware of everything happening around the city and does her best to keep Poppy as safe as possible. Viva and JD have a steady protector relationship due to the friendship through Poppy and Branch.

Viva also ocassionally tries to keep the other brothers informed of what’s happening around the city when she isn’t watching the kids. Her and Clay are very close, being friends before they’re conditioning and experiments took over their lives comepltely and eventually forming a romantic relationship. Viva, at first, is not happy with the way Bruce conducts things, thinking that he just wants to kill JD and be done with it until she see how he reacts to one of his brothers old recordings.

Thier goal is to make it out of Rapture, together, as a family. There are three endings, haven’t decided which would be canon, but I’m running off the ideas from B2.

The Good Ending: everybody makes it out alive and in one piece, John Dory is able to get the same treatment as Sigma in the canon games, getting freed from the conditioning and his suit so he can live a… ‘normal’ life with his family. They probably all get a big house together and help take care of Poppy and Branch as they attend school and shit and Bruce gets some help for the mental state he’d be in after the genetic issues.

The Neutral Ending: John Dory dies in order to save his brothers and the sisters. Viva would extract JD’s Adam and distribute it amongst his brothers so they’d all have a piece of him, kinda like a shoulder angel type of deal. It’s unknown if they’d all stay together.

The Bad Ending: John Dory and Bruce both die, the conditioning would end up being too much for JD to fight against and comepletely lose who he’d use to be, causing him to lash out at the rest of them. Bruce at this time would also feel his sanity slipping, using what consciousness he has left to protect them all from JD, leading them both to their deaths. When the rest finally make it to the surface they all break off, Floyd taking Branch, Clay going solo, and Viva taking Poppy with her.

[gloamists]

“Will you tear down the system or become part of it?” Why Percy Jackson will always be better than Harry Potter

JK Rowlings blatant transphobia and horrible writing skills aside, Percy Jackson as a character is leaps and bounds better than Harry Potter, and it is not particularly close.

These two characters often get compared to each other, and for good reason. Both are characters under the “chosen one” archetype. Both presented as prodigies within their given stories, and both are subject to oppressive governmental type forces throughout their stories. However, one of these characters decides to tear down said oppressive force by the end of their book, while the other decides to work within it. And that, at least in my opinion, is the glaring difference between them.

If you haven’t already guessed, Harry Potter is the one that decides to work within the system rather than tear it down. At the end of his series, HP decides to basically become a wizard cop, after being completely shafted and done wrong by The Ministry of Magic throughout his story. When Harry tried to convince the Ministry that Voldemort is in fact alive and killing people once again, they brush him off and call him a liar as to not incite panic and distrust of the Ministry. When Harry uses magic in self defense outside of school grounds they decide to try and expel him instead of hearing him out. Hell, they even try to put his Godfather, Sirius Black, to DEATH in the 3rd book. But despite all of this, Harry decides to join them at the end of the final book? Why? Because Harry is not hero, and he is no revolutionary. He is the product of his own creators blatant bigotry and ignorance.

Percy Jackson on the other hand, is completely different. In the Percy Jackson series, the overarching problem really is that the Gods are not claiming their children. Leaving them to fend for themselves in a world where almost everything is out to kill them. This results in Demigods like Luke Castellan to rebel and side with the Titans to bring down the Gods. Throughout the book, Percy clashes with Luke and other like minded Demigods who want to take down Olympus. And at the end, Luke ends up sacrificing himself to save the people he loves. Due to his part in fighting against the Titans, Percy is granted 1 wish, anything he could want. The Gods offer him immortality, assuming that would of course be what he wanted. Because what could be better than being a God? What could be better than being them. But instead of taking immortality and eternal power, Percy decides to make the Gods promise to claim ALL of their kids. Pointing out that if they had done this from the beginning, Luke and the other Demigods would never have rebelled and none of this would ever have happened. Notice what I am trying to get at here. Instead of using the wish to grasp immortality and benefit from the oppressive system like another main character from another series did, Percy used to the power at his disposal to tear down the oppressive system in front of him and change it for the benefit of the future Demigods.

Both of these characters are presented as hero archetypes, but it obvious to me that only one really fits that mold. And it isn’t Harry Potter. Hell, we were shown signs of Harry’s indifference to the oppressive force in his world early on. When Hermione informs Harry that the house elves are effectively slaves working for the wizarding world, Harry tells her that because they seem to enjoy it that it really isn’t their problem. And that right there told me all I needed to know about his character.

Now it is no secret that JK Rowling herself is a terrible person. The constant transphobic rhetoric she spits out of her mouth on the internet is disgusting. Not to mention the blatant racism and antisemitism seeping out of her writing. Naming the only asian character in her book “Cho Chang” and the only black character “Kingsley Shacklebolt”. And the Gringotts Goblins are obviously jewish caricatures. This ignorance and indifference undoubtedly plays a role in how terribly written Harry Potter is as a character.

Anyways, Harry Potter is a terrible series read Percy Jackson instead it’s much better thanks ily bye ❤️❤️

[sentientgolfball]

Ghoulette Appreciation: Week 10

This one was later than I intended it to be

Read here or on Ao3

Pairing: Mistshine

Word Count: 1215

Summary: Mist and Sunny have a lazy day. Some new information is discovered.

It’s been boiling hot for the last few days and every resident of the Ministry seems to be at their limit. Even the infernal residents want to do nothing more than laze around trying to stay cool. Sunshine and Mist haven’t left their room all day. Mist’s room is always kept cold with a small amount of her magick. Being from the deeps means she is more susceptible to the heat than an average water ghoul, plus the cold brings her comfort. It’s been a perfectly lazy two for the two ghoulettes. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Mist jumps ever so slightly at Sunny’s voice. The two had been sitting in comfortable silence for hours now, each doing their own thing while enjoying the company. Mist looks up from her sudoku. 

“Of course you can.” 

Sunny props herself up on her elbows from where she’s lounging on Mist’s bed “What was it like for you…in the Pits I mean.” 

“Is there a particular reason you wish to know this?” 

“Mmmmm no, just curious. You don’t have to answer though if it’s…too much.” 

“How familiar are you with Lord Leviathan’s domain?” 

“I’ve heard the big man talk about it but I’ve never actually seen it.” 

“I see. Well as you know I am from the deep sea, a completely different environment than other oceanic ghouls such as Rain, Delta, or Chain.” 

Mist starts her story by explaining the structure of deep sea ghoul society. They are mostly solitary, the only packs that get formed are very small and usually made up of family. There’s heavily focused on yourself alive before anyone else, even if that means sacrificing another. They are wary of other ghouls, always cautious of any games they might be playing. They are also typically the most devout of the oceanic water ghouls due to their proximity to Leviathan’s underwater home. 

Mist was in a small pack made up of her parents and two siblings. They were average, nothing outwardly fantastic about them. They lived their life simply yet happily. That was until The Storm. To this day no one knows what angered the great Leviathan, but whatever it was was severe. For three days the oceans of Hell were locked in a storm surge, churning wildly with Leviathan’s fury. The waves were so great even the deeps felt the effects. In the chaos Mist got separated from their family, swept away with the raging current. Once The Storm finally settled Mist had tried to look for them, but after a few days of no success she gave up and focused on keeping herself alive. She never did find out if any of them were still alive before getting summoned. 

“Oh wow Mist…I’m so sorry that must’ve been horrible.” 

“It’s quite alright Sunshine” Mist assures “I have made my peace with it long ago.” 

“Still” Sunny presses a quick kiss to the side of her head. 

“I do have my own question though.” 

“Hm?” Sunny tilts her head. 

“Earlier you said you have heard the big man talk about it in reference to my question about Lord Leviathan’s domain. What did you mean by that?” 

Sunshine laughs a little “Well you told me yours so it’s only fair I tell you mine. Back in the Pits I was a court jester for the Seven Lords plus Lucifer.” 

Sunshine begins her story with how far back she can remember. Her father had been a fire ghoul in one of the legions created specifically to guard Pandemonium, that’s part of the reason Ifrit and Sunny got along so well right off the bat because the two were in the same legion. Her mother had been an air ghoulette who created art in honor of the Lords. For a while Sunny had been following in her mother’s footsteps, but when her other elements manifested and it was discovered she was a multi-ghoul instead of a hybrid, everything changed. She had been brought before the Lords as a prodigy, her parents humbly asking they provide her with a better opportunity than they could ever hope to give her. Lucifer Himself took an immediate interest in her. To this day she doesn’t know why, but she assumes it was because of her likeness to the sun. 

She had always been a performer at heart. It was something she genuinely enjoyed, something she was good at without even trying. That’s how she became the jester. She was their favorite, always present when all Seven met at Pandemonium. It was stressful always having to come up with new and exciting things to please the Lords for thousands of years, but it was thrilling. Sometimes though she does wonder if she hadn’t done enough and that’s why despite being their favorite she was summoned. 

“It’s okay you can laugh,” Sunny assures “being a court jester is a hilarious gig.” 

“That is an amazing honor Sunshine. Being able to be in the presence of all seven lords and The Morning Star is noble.” 

“Aw shucks Mist you flatter me. Really it was nothing special. I was just there so they had something to point and laugh at, or diffuse the tension so they didn’t kill each other.” 

“You must have been well cared for if He sent you Topside.” 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Sunny shrugs. 

“He must have known you would be perfect for the Ghost Project” Mist states. 

Sunny stares at her for a moment before a grin cracks her face. She grabs both sides of her head and pulls her in, kissing her softly. Sunny pulls back, but keeps their foreheads pressed together. She combs her hands through Mist’s hair. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too” Mist whispers before ghosting her lips over Sunny’s. 

Mist still can’t quite believe Sunshine is hers. She can’t comprehend the feelings she has for her. She does know that she’d do anything for her though. Mist knows she’d be happy to spend all of eternity with her. She’d jump into the circle with her if she ever got banished back to Hell. She'd tear this whole Ministry apart to keep her happy if she had to. 

Sunshine can’t believe it either. She never would have guessed Mist would actually make room for her in heart. The moment Sunny saw her for the first she knew. She knew there was something about Mist she had to discover. She couldn’t tell you why, but those deep blue eyes felt like home. Not the home she had been raised in, but something different. Something that felt like soft goodbyes and see you laters. Something that felt like watching the snow fall from inside a bundle of blankets on a winter day. Sunny would do everything she could to make sure Mist knows nothing but peace and love for the rest of her existence. 

The rest of the day is quiet. The two exchange more stories of their time in the Pits, mundane things and fond memories. Mist even indulges Sunny and tells her all about her time Topside before she was summoned. As Sunny listens to her she can feel the tug in her chest, deep in bones. In that moment she knows that there really is nothing that will ever be able to separate them. 

[pykanico]

Day 28 - Beach Day

Fic if you want to read every posted day : https://archiveofourown.org/works/51386731/chapters/129854215

“Isn’t it the perfect weather Emmet”

The only answer Ingo received to his amusement was the groan of suffering coming from his younger twin as he was following slowly behind the group.

The group was composed of Elesa and Skyla who got the idea to go to the beach of Undella town, as well as Iris, who got a day off her duty as a champion to relax and Ingo himself as he decided for once to listen to his brother advise and take a break – was it petty to do that because of a prank his twin did last week, maybe.

It was mostly a decision the whole group decided together with a vote, and unlucky for his brother, the law of majority won, forcing him to accept against his will – and because he promised Ingo to participate in whatever activities he decided to do on the break.

And as much as Ingo does not have any difficulty with the extreme heat, Emmet, on the other hand….

“It is way too hot, Ingo I cannot survive, I am going to be found dehydrated before the end of the day”

Skyla, who was next to Elesa holding her hand, simply rolled her eyes before turning around to look with the most unimpressed stare Emmet, stopping the whole group when they were not that far from their destination. “Come on Emmet, don’t tell me you cannot stay outside for more than ten minute, we are literally going to the beach!! You can refresh yourself in the water when we arrive!”

“And you can't fight against the majority rule Emmet, this is in’Eevee’table” Add Elesa with the biggest smile she could mutter, not minding stopping the sightless while Iris who was on the side simply crossed her arms a bit annoyed by it.

The hilarious pun – in his opinion – was enough to make Ingo laugh loudly when it finally clicked in his mind, while Skyla on the other hand, simply shrugged it off use to her girlfriend's incredible pun.

Iris didn’t appreciate the pun through, shaking her head but not commenting on it, leaving only Emmet to groan even more loudly than before.

“It was bad, even worse than the heat Elesa, please do not do that ever again”

Their friend simply giggling at the reaction of the already suffering, Emmet, her smile full of mischief like the ones his twin does when he was not going to stop whatever he was doing “No promise”

Still, the situation did not start to get better, Iris slowly grimacing as she realized that Emmet was not going to stop his complaint about the heat. “Don’t be a baby Emmet, You can still go in the water like Skyla suggests, if it is too ‘warm’ for you, You just make us all wait longer by doing that!! I don’t understand how you seem to have zero tolerance for the heat but walk in the horrible cold of winter like it is nothing, That doesn't make any sense!!!”

His brother simply muttered his answer with a serious look in his eyes, as he tried to use as a fan his hand to be less affected “For my defense...I do not have any defense, summer just suck, winter is the superior season”

“No, summer is the superior season, this is winter that suck!!”

Loudly, Iris started to gasped, as if she was personally offended by Emmet opinions on the matter, frowning even more than Ingo.

His Twin was also bothered by Iris preference, repeating again with more conviction his position about what he considered to be the right answer.

By snowball effect, their disagreement degenerated into an argument on what season could be seen as the best, Unfortunately, forcing the rest of the group to watch with amusement their fight and delaying their arrival at the beach even more, Ingo, even if amused by the whole deal, decided that he needed to end it, putting his foot down.

“I must stop you two on your track!! First and foremost, language….and no I must disagree with you two, it is obvious that among every season, Autumn should be placed on the top”

“What!?”

That was enough to make Iris and Emmet team up against Ingo, That was not what his intervention was supposed to do at all, followed an even bigger argument that Ingo easily started to participate in, After all, it is true that Autumn was better than Winter and Summer combine.

In all of this, Elesa and Skyla simply looked at the siblings for a moment, before leaving them behind, knowing they would join them later on when they finished tearing each other out.