#but i am carrying on as if i will be able to

[sacredsorceress]

lifeline / bob reynolds

PAIRING: bob reynolds x f!avenger!reader, enemy?void x reader SUMMARY: When you sleep, the Void visits you. This time, you can't hold your worries in and Bob is there to save the day. WORD COUNT: 3k A/N: originally based on this request, but I might have gotten a bit carried away with it! a lot angstier compared to my other bob fics so far but I hope you enjoy!! first time writing the void. WARNINGS: this one's a doozy! 18+, ANGST, violence, mentions of attempted murder, insecurity, general mental illness references, lack of self-worth, terror, anxiety- i probably missed something, but just anything that was in thunderbolts*

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・bob masterlist・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

When anyone asked you about your relationship with Bob, you'd reply that he was everything you asked for and more. They'd laugh and tell you that they were happy for you two. That they had had their doubts at the start, but seeing you now, smiling, a vision of the lovesick girlfriend, they were relieved to know they had nothing to worry about.

And you wouldn't correct them. By all means, dating Bob was everything you asked for. But that more... that addition that you hadn't anticipated, hadn't calculated for when you wished on shooting stars at night begging for another half...

'that more,' you wanted to tell them, 'they should be worried about.'

The thing about dating Bob, was that sometimes when you closed your eyes, you weren’t sure if you were living through a memory or a nightmare. Some were obvious- your teeth falling out, zombies, chainsaw killers- those were dreams and you knew it. But others, like a rewound record spinning you back to dance to the same song over and over, you weren’t sure were concoctions of your own mind or his.

Now though… this one you were sure was him.

“Where’s Bob?”

Your voice reverberated against the sterile, linoleum walls of the lab. Discarded lab equipment had been strewn across the floor and you could hear the crunch of test tubes under your feet.

On the far end of the room on an abandoned examination table, sat a familiar silhouette.

“Asleep.” The Void said.

His shaggy hair hung in front of his face as he pushed himself to his feet.

Your hands formed fists at your sides to stop them from trembling.

"Why am I here?" You asked.

The void chuckled as he made his way towards you. Although it wasn't your first time seeing him, it was more haunting now than it had been before you had truly known Bob. The void was a shadow, a cutout of the man you loved with the parts you admired most replaced with... nothing.

As if he could pull back the curtains and peer into your mind, he spoke again.

"You can't save him y'know." He said, "you can't even save yourself."

It was difficult to maintain your composure as he stepped ever closer. You knew the Void was a plague in your boyfriend's mind, but you never considered that he would be able to infect himself into yours as well.

It was hard to fight a demon who could get inside your head.

"What do you-"

His frame towered over yours just the same as Bob's did, but rather than comforting, it was menacing.

"I know you're scared of us." He chuckled, circling around you like a shark after his wounded prey. "He sees the way you look at him."

With love.. worry... concern. It wasn't that you were scared of Bob, but of him. Of the slithering, conniving darkness that loomed behind his eyes and whispered in his ears when you weren't there. Of the power that coursed through his veins that one day, you feared, you wouldn't be able to stop. You feared that some day he wouldn't be Bob anymore.

You knew you weren't scared of Bob, but did he?

Your voice trembling, you spluttered out words.

"I- I don't-"

The void's eyes narrowed.

"You should be."

His hand crushed your windpipe as your own rushed to your throat to ease the burn. Your feet dangled in the air, feeling for some sort of surface to push yourself off of but you were met with nothing. Instead, you thrashed in his grasp.

"How? How? How?" He asked, bringing his face to yours. "How will you save yourself against a god? You make it easy, y'know. Sleeping next to him. You want so badly to save him that you'll kill yourself for it. You're even more pathetic than him."

You gasped for breath and remembered Bob's words.

Get used to the pain. It won't kill you. Struggling will only make it worse.

"You think he's the sick one, but you're worse." He tilted his head, brighten golden eyes boring into yours. "You're the one sleeping next to a ticking time bomb. One of these nights," he whispered, breath fanning your face. "You're going to wake up with my hands around your throat, just like this, and see me instead of him."

You squeezed your eyes shut

"And the worst part?" He said. "You'll have no one to blame but yourself."

When you opened your eyes, the tangible darkness was gone... and had been replaced with Bob's face.

Before you had time to react, everything faded to black.

With a gasp, you shot up from your sleep. The comforter felt as if it was suffocating you and you needed out, out, out. Eyes burned in the darkness as you rapidly kicked off your sheets, climbed out of bed, and reached for the lamp on your nightstand. With a click it doused the room in its glow.

Still in bed, Bob tossed in his sleep, groaning at the blinding light.

It was Bob. Perfectly pink cheeks, a crinkle between his brow at the inconvenience, and his same soft fingers, reaching up to rub sleep from his eyes.

Not him. Not the Void.

Your brain might have known it, but your body hadn’t caught on.

Your heart raced rapidly in your chest and you wheezed as your lungs chased to meet its pace. Your hands shot up to your chest to try to quell your racing heart as you paced around the room, the burning in your chest growing insatiable.

“Baby?”

His voice cracked from the lack of use as he pushed himself to sit up, eyes still closed as he adjusted to the lamp.

“I’m… I-I-I’m fine, Bob.” You stuttered. “Go back to sleep.”

Bob had heard that story before. Usually from his own lips.

Hearing those words fall from yours- frantic, uneven- he sobered up quickly.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, reaching his hand out for you. “What… what happened?”

You wanted to tell him. You did. A good girlfriend would be honest, wouldn’t they?

But would an even better girlfriend spare her boyfriend the grief of a monster he couldn’t control? What would telling him do? It would relieve your stresses at the price of his own, making him spiral knowing that the Void was just ever beneath the surface, waiting to make his mark on you.

Tears burned behind your eyes as you leaned against the dresser to catch your breath.

He was in your head. You knew its what he wanted: to get in your mind and make you second guess yourself, Bob, your relationship- but the knowledge didn't make silencing his eerie voice in your head, mixed with the smooth tones of the one you loved, any easier.

He wanted Bob and you were in the way.

But what was better? To tell Bob and only further upset him, giving the Void exactly what he wanted? Or to keep it to yourself and know that he was waiting, plotting on your demise while Bob was none the wiser?

You felt a warm hand touch your shoulder.

You flinched, and pulled away on instinct. As you did, you clamored into the dresser, knocking spare trinkets onto the floor.

Bob held his hands up in the air in surrender. The worry painted on his face made your heart plummet to your stomach.

"Bob..."

"Y/n," Bob said, ever so slowly lowering his hands. "Let me help. I can help."

You were never much of a crier. Neither of you were. It was a last resort- the water crashing against the dam, splintering its cracks over time until it could no longer hold and the floodgates were opened.

You felt it now: the concerns that you had tried so hard to repress for Bob's sake, shoved so far down that you yourself had almost forgotten that they existed. But it was a foundation with only more rooms built on top- rooms flooded with tangible memories, fears, worries. They had all built up, one upon the other until it felt like you had run out of room. Like one more thing would make its walls splinter and burst.

And he- that shadowy void that represented everything you hated about yourself- got in your head, took a look around and decided to torch the place. The smell of it all made your eyes water.

Unable to speak, you flung yourself into your boyfriend's arms with such a force that he let out an oof. And as you buried your face in his chest, a sob escaped your throat.

"Talk to me," he pleaded, cradling your head in his arms against his frame. "I want to help."

Although he had the untapped abilities of a god, after a year, Bob had finally learned to accept that he may never be the hero that he was promised. He may never be the guy that children keep posters of, or the man a bus full of people cheer on after he saves them from a cliff.

This knowledge hadn't come to him naturally from a budding self-confidence, but rather, the realization that he didn't need to be the hero of everyone if he could be one for you.

And you had enough of your own abilities that you didn't need his super strength or flying- or any of the other Sentry powers- all you needed was what God himself gave him: Bob.

"I can't." You cried, holding him tighter to you.

His hands that had been brushing back your hair stilled for a moment.

"Was it... was it him?" Bob asked.

The way you froze against him and your breath hitched told him everything that he needed to know.

Bob would be lying if he said a chill didn't run down his spine; it would have been a futile endeavor regardless because they all knew Bob was terrified of him. To know that he was there, lurking beneath the surface-

But this wasn't his turn to run. Bob had done that more times than he would be proud to admit. He had cried into your arms, screamed into the pillow, threw punches at dummies in the training room pretending they were him. Bob had been the victim.

Seeing you here, vulnerable than ever in his arms, he knew it was his time to be the hero.

"Hey, hey." Bob cooed, cupping your cheeks in his hands. "He can't hurt you."

Bob wasn't sure if that was true. What he was sure about, was that as much as he'd let the void consume his own life, he wouldn't let it touch yours.

"It feels like he can." You said, catching your breath. "And fuck, he knew it would get to me, so it would get to you and he could-"

He knew this spiral. It was as familiar to him as his own face.

It felt sick coming from your mouth. You believed you had to suffer in silence, bear it all with a grin so you could protect him. He didn't know whether to blush or cry.

Instead, he shut out the voice in the back of his head leading him right into the trap you told him about: that he was worthless, that he ruined your life, that made everything worse, that you were afraid of him, and brushed the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs.

"Do I look like him?"

You scrunched your eyebrows and shook your head.

"No."

And he could never. As much as he had Bob's shape, his voice... the Void could never be him. He could never be your sweet boy with the unruly hair who touched you like you were glass. The Void didn't sing along to songs on the radio to make you laugh or tuck you into bed. He didn't help you bake the team's birthday cakes or give you butterfly kisses when their backs were turned.

The Void may have been the monster in his head, but he was your Bob.

Bathed in the warm light of the lamp's glow, you could see the sweaty curls sticking to his forehead and the worry lines that had begun to etch themselves into his forehead. But mostly, you could see his pupils blown out from the love they held for you.

"Look I- I'm just some loser from Florida." Bob said. "With a girlfriend wayyyy out of my league. But that.. that other guy's a dick. And I'm... I'm gonna fix it." He nodded as if he was convincing himself moreso than you. "I don't want you to worry about me, okay?"

A snort escaped your throat as a barely-there smile graced your face.

"I'm always going to worry about you." You sniffled.

It was the most simple fact in the world. It didn't matter that he was physically impenetrable or that he had lived ten lives before you two even met: you were going to worry about him until your dying breath.

And he knew that. Every day when he woke up with you beside him, Bob could feel it in your love for him. It made him feel like the luckiest man in the world.

He would be remiss if he didn't make sure you felt it too.

"Just let me worry about you for once." Bob whispered, a crooked, exhausted smile on his lips. "Please?"

And as you looked up at him, his tired eyes gazing down at you as he blinked, the Void felt worlds away from the man standing in front of you.

"Okay." You nodded, nudging your cheek against the palm of his hand. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

Bob shook his head and reached down for one of your hands.

"Don't be." He said, leading you back to bed. "I want to be there for you."

Bob lifted up the sheet and ushed you underneath it.

"My hero." You playfully sighed, reaching up to brush his curls back.

Bob didn't say anything, but at your adoring compliment, he stood up a little taller and felt a heat rise to his cheeks. Your hero. He liked the sound of that. The hero's hero.

Without another word, he leaned down, kissed your cheek, and shut off the lamp.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

The next morning when you had left to grab a coffee with Ava, Bob hesitantly made his way to the kitchen where he knew Yelena would be sat for breakfast.

When he entered the room- robe haphazardly thrown on, hair a tangled mess from his tossing and turning, and dark circles forming under his eyes from the lack of sleep- Yelena drank him in.

"You look like shit." She said bluntly.

It was such a contrast to the night before that he couldn't help but chuckle awkwardly, running his hand up and down the back of his neck.

"Yeah, yeah," Bob laughed. "I feel like it."

Eyeing him carefully, Yelena pat the stool beside her.

"Let it out." She said.

And when he sat, the events of last night flew out of his mouth like word vomit. Bob went into minute detail on how you flinched when he touched you, how scared you were, but mostly, how worried he was about you.

Here he was that past year, rejoicing in the weight you took off of his shoulders, without considering that now the burden had fallen onto you- and you were being crushed under its weight. Bob knew you would never blame him: he had had enough therapy sessions and late night conversations with you to know that, but he still couldn't help but feel that he had failed you.

"I just, I don't want her to worry." Bob said, playing with the frayed ends of his robe. "I just... I want to take care of her, y'know? I don't want this... void... in me hurting her. You should've seen her, Yelena. Because of me-"

Yelena reached out her hand for Bob's.

"She is not scared of you, Bob-" Yelena said.

Bob squeezed his eyes shut.

"I- I don't want her to be scared at all."

And it's like he's a child all over again. All he wants is to protect the woman he loves, but just manages to make it worse.

The lights flicker above them dishes and silverware rattle in their cabinets.

"Bob..." Yelena warns.

"I should be able to protect her."

The frustration, the upset, the way that your eyes looked at him in fear last night. Bob couldn't do it again; he wouldn't.

But Yelena knew him beyond words. She could see that this wasn't the anger of a man who couldn't, but a man who hadn't- and he wanted to fix that.

"You can," she said. "You will. I'll talk with Bucky and we will figure something out. We've pushed it off for too long anyway. We will fix it, Bob."

The lights returned to normal as the glassware settled on its shelves. Finally being able to bring himself to look at Yelena, he nodded.

"Just... promise me you won't tell her?" Bob asked. "I mean, she's worried so much about me and I just wanna worry about her now. Promise, Yelena?"

She nodded.

"I promise." Yelena said, squeezing his hand. "And I promise he won't hurt her. We will not give him the chance."

She shook his hand in hers and shot him a playful smile.

"Now eat." She said. "Maybe the void is just hangry."

And so maybe from then on your coffees with Ava or John got even more frequent, the two methodologically taking you out whenever Bob worked with Yelena and Bucky as to evade your knowledge. And maybe Bob slept on the couch during his bad days, fearful that he might hurt you in the night, but return to bed before the sun rose so you'd never know.

And maybe he felt guilty, lying to you like he was. But for once in his life, Bob didn't want to be the victim. He wanted to be the hero who- with the help of his loved ones- could save the day for you.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・inbox・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

[lheslie]

Mark Variants vs A Waterbender/Chi-blocker

Y/N is a Waterbender/Chi-Blocker, and a superhero in their own right.

- Main Mark

He's amazed at your waterbending skills he's never seen anyone control water like you had, he started to admire your skills, he gained the courage to ask you to spar with him to learn more from you.

When you two were sparring, you stopped using your waterbending skills and blocked his Chi and he collapsed immediately.

He was so stunned at your fighting skills that he had, started to ask you to spar with him everyday.

"How did you do that?" He asked shaking trying to stand up from collapsing again.

He also learned that you could heal using your waterbending, so he sometimes get injured on purpose to ask you to heal him to get your attention.

He loves teaming up with you, he sometimes look at you so much that he accidentally flew to a wall.

He was flustered when you laughed, healing him.

- He loves your waterbending.

- He loves your fighting techniques.

- He is kinda afraid of your Chi blocking skills.

- He loves being healed by you.

- Omni Mark

He was flying on the sky as he was observing you, healing a lot of civilians with your waterbending.

You noticed his stare and presence, and you looked up at him.

"Why would you waste your time with them, they're not greatful for anything." He spoke, as you glared.

Wasting no time, you took water out from your water jug to create chains to tie him, pulling the chains down smashing him to the ground.

He immediately stood up, rushing to attack you, but your reflexes acted and used bloodbending as a means to stop him.

You can see him clenching his teeth trying to escape.

"Surrender or face the consequences." You declared.

- He is astonished at your blood bending skills.

- He's questioning why someone like you walks around among these humans as he gave his humanity a long time ago.

- Target Mark

"All fucking losers." He shouted as he tried killing another superhero, as you snuck up on him, blocking his Chi, he was able to react fast and avoid your other attacks but two of his arms were currently useless.

"Woah, you interested in joining my empire?" He smirked as he flew.

"No." You blatantly refused which sparked his short fuse making him mad.

"Then I'll kill you." He said as he flew in trying to kill you, using his legs.

"I'm an Emperor, there's no way that I'll let a peasant like you defeat me." He declared as he was able to gain control of one of his arms.

"That fast?" You looked at him shocked as he was able to recover quickly. 

"I'm a conqueror, of course I can snap back immediately." He flexed as you tapped him with Ice spikes.

- He wants you to join his empire.

- He has to learn those skills that made his limbs stop.

- Has very high endurance from a lot of fighting experience.

- Viltrum Mark

"Why don't you join me?" He asks as he descended from the skies like an angel.

"And kill thousands of Innocent lives? No." You glared at him.

He sighed in disappoinment, "You could achieve more than this if you joined me."

"I'm happy where I am, and I don't need you dictating on what I do." You spoke as you created a water whip, whipping his face.

"Then I'll kill you." He proclaimed rushing at you, as you made Ice spikes traping him, he struggled but he broke free, but as he tried to attack you again.

You were able to make an Ice wall to block his attack.

You jumped high and landed on his back, making him carry you as he flew, this gave you an opening to block his Chi mid air.

You were faling down from the skies as you created a water, lasso to grab on to something before you could both fall, grabbing Viltrumite Mark as well.

- He wants you to join viltrum as someone like you deserves better.

- He thinks that your healing could be of help in viltrum.

- Shiesty Mark

"Well, hello there. never seen you in my dimension before. Think you'd stand a chance?" He provokes you.

He flew to punch you, as you flipped mid air getting behind him, blocking his left arm's Chi

"What the fuck?" He muttered as he tried moving his left arm but to no avail. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?!" He yelled angrily as he started to aggressively punch you with his right arm.

He refused to stop fighting, and he made a mistake of leaving an opening letting you block his Chi on his other arm.

"OH HELL NAH." He yelled as he tried kicking you with his legs now.

You also blocked his Chi on one of his legs making him hop on one leg.

"Motherfucker, once I regain control of my limbs you're deadddd." He threatened.

"Let's see who's faster then." You smiled.

- He's Interested in you.

- He's also afraid of you after you made his limbs useless.

- He never fought someone like you before.

- Sinister Mark

"Looks like you've ran out of water to use." He mocked, slowly approaching.

You looked around to see any source of water to get from as you ran to the nearest tree available taking water from it.

"Interesting." He muttered as you made the water surround him to suffocate him within it.

He flew out of the water sphere to attack you, but you immediately took more water from the trees near you to make Ice spears throwing it on his face.

While he kept escaping from the Ice, you were losing water to fight him with, and you were left with no choice to use your bodily sweat as a means to gain a fighting chance against him.

"You're not running out of resources." He laughed as he was able to avoid the rest of your attack, flying in to finally kill you, but your reflex kicked in and you stopped him by blood bending.

"So you can bend the water in my body too?" He looked at you even more interested, as he fought back against your blood bending even if it breaks his body.

- He wants to see more of your powers/skills.

- He wonders if you could do more than this.

- Prisoner Mark

You were in Russia, and it was cold.

"You can't beat me." Prisoner Mark spoke as you waterbend the Ice into water making the water surround him, caging him by bending it into a block of Ice.

He was quick to set himself free, but it gave you enough time to run near him, blocking the Chi from his arm, as he flew trying to escape from you.

But you created a waterchain, transforming it into Ice pulling him back down, slamming him to the ground.

You didn't give him a chance to stand back up again as you the blocked the Chi in his other body parts making sure he doesn't stand up again.

But he immdiately recovers from the attack.

"I've suffered getting tortured for years, this is nothing." He said as you were left with no choice but to force him to sit down encaged in Ice with your blood bending.

But he was strong to resist your blood bending, he was still standing trying to walk to you.

As you gave it your all to immobilized him, you accidentally knocked him off with your blood bending, which you didn't know was possible.

- He's quietly observing you to look for your weakness.

- He has stronger willpower in fighting your blood bending.

- Mohawk Mark

"Well, what do we have here?" He smirked as he tried launching an a attack at full speed, but you used blood bending to stop him mid air.

"W-what the fuck? How is that p-possible who are you?" He asked struggling within your control.

But a falling building was about to hit civilians so you, switched your attention to save the civilians.

He got out of your control and started to fly faster at you.

You created a huge wall of Ice to block him.

"Wanna tell me how you did that sweetheart? That's pretty incredible." He compliments you.

As he started to throw random things on your way making you blind so you can't use your blood bending on him.

"Try it again, sweet heart but I apparently found a way to fight against you."

He wants you to join his empire, with you by his side he could achieve anything so he fights to find a way to contain you.

- Might make you his General if you join him, and his FAVORITE General even.

- He would try and negotiate with you just to make you join him.

- No goggles Mark

He was thrilled when you were able to block his Chi making him collapse on the ground within seconds.

"WOAH, WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T MOVE MY LIMB." He shouted amazed still trying to fight you, but his body won't listen to him.

He still fought hard to gain control over his body again, while you were trying to help the other heros.

He managed to stand up and try to sneak up on you, as your reflex made you use your blood bending on him.

"WOAH WHAT THE FUCK, this feels great" He said licking his lips fighting over control over this body.

"What's your name? I've never met someone like you before." He asked seemingly interested in you.

"Your worse nightmare." You replied approaching him making sure to immobilize him by blocking his Chi once more.

As you noticed something poking through down there.

"What the hell?" You looked at him weirded out.

- He's VERY INTERESTED.

- He loves the pain when you use blood bending on him.

- 10/10 fight, will fight and fight you again.

Taglist: @ik33ponmakinc00ki3s, @kundere20000000

I hope you like it!!!

[lobotomologist]

feministblr i have to talk about adriana smith, the woman who is declared brain dead and yet being kept alive by the state of georgia because she is pregnant.

i am certain i don't need to tell you that this is so many levels of horrid, but beyond reproductive freedom, beyond bodily autonomy - and both of those things are critical - this is such an offense to human (and specifically female) life. it is the ultimate reduction of female existence to the capability to bear children. adriana smith is not able to consent to this - she isn't able to consent to anything at all. her family wants her to pass peacefully and mourn her as she was in life, not as an incubator being held hostage by the state. if she were a man, she would be considered legally dead under georgia law - but they are willing to warp even the definition of life to exploit a black woman as an object for the state.

[outtathisworld-imagines]

Daylight

——☀️——☀️ ——☀️——☀️——

Pairing: Bob Reynolds x F!witch Reader

Warning: Jam packed with fluff, some angst, Bob is too pure for this world. Like one swear of that and some suggestive language, pregnancy mention. Not proofread 🥲

A.N: Well would you look at the time *looks at blank wrist* it’s loving Bob o’clock.

I recommend listening to Daylight by David Kushner while reading, it inspired be to write this!

Lyrics are in bold italic!

Please let me know what else you guys would like! I do have a few other fics on the back-burner (for now!) that I'll start to post soon and just let me know if you'd liked to be tagged in further works too! Enjoy ✨

——☀️——☀️ ——☀️——☀️——

Telling myself I won't go there

Oh, but I know that I won't care

Tryna wash away all the blood I've spilt

Bob sat in the darkness of his room. He felt like he was peddling backwards recently and the team could feel a dark cloud looming over him. He tried hard to fight it but he could feel it seeping in more, the less he tried to atone with his past.

He knew how much pain, how much suffering he caused others- never mind himself. The second he closed his eyes and let the dark embrace him, visions came back to him. He felt like a haunted house, rooms locked with darkness that was seeping from the cracks in the doors.

“I’ll make a call,” Bucky announced one day, the team eager to intervene to try and help him in any way they could. “I have an old friend that might be able to help him. Help him with his powers and help him fight the void.”

Bucky waited with bated breath, he weren’t even sure if the person on the other side of the line would even pick up for him.

“Hi, Bucky.” He let out a sigh of relief hearing your voice. “What’s the matter?”

Bucky tried to break the ice with a laugh “Why do you always think I call when there’s a problem?” The silence on the other side confirmed that you didn’t find it funny, and that you knew him better than that. “Okay, I do have a problem.” You let him ramble on as you made your way through the house before making your way out to the back porch and sitting in the garden.

“So you see, he doesn’t know how to fully control his powers.” Bucky was finally wrapping up after almost an hour. “Please can you help?”

You sighed, it was carried with the wind that danced through your hair. “What makes you so sure I can?”

“Because you’re the best.” You let out a snort of laughter, warning him that flattery wouldn’t get him anywhere with you. “I’m serious Y/N. You can control your own, teach him to control his too.” He was beyond the point of acting brave with you, now he was begging.

“I’ll try.”

With that, Bucky had packed a bag for Bob and practically forced him to the car.

“W-where are we going?” He asked in a small voice, practically curled up in the passenger seat.

“Old friend of mine. She’ll help you. I know you haven’t been feeling your best recently.” The city soon disappeared behind them and was replaced with white sands and blue sea, pops of bright blooms every now and then. Bob stepped out of the car and looked at the fairytale-esque cottage that was before him. White shutters and sage green slats, pots and window-beds bursting with flowers as far as he could see with the sea in the distance. With someone waiting for him on the porch. He felt his shoulders lightening already.

“Hi Buck,” you walked towards them and greeted your ally with a smile and a hug. “You must be Robert. I’m Y/N, Y/N Maximoff.” You shook his hand, feeling a tingling up your arm before pulling away. “You should come in, I made tea.”

The two men sat as you poured “Why am I here?” You sent Bucky a glance before sitting across from Bob who looked petrified of his own shadow.

“You’re here because she can help you with your…void.” Bucky tried to choose his words carefully, they were still painful enough for a tear to slip from his eye and down his cheek.

Bob turned to you. “What makes you think you can help? How can you help me?”

You sighed, looking at your fingertips and feeling shame. “Because I’ve felt the same. I’ve been in your shoes.”

This lust is a burden that we both share

Two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer

Souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt

Bob was settling, not quite settled. He spent most of the last 48 hours in your house with your cat on the back porch, he hadn’t ventured further into the garden, happily hiding in the shade. You walked past him struggling with your wash basket. He quickly stood up and took it from you. “Thank you, Robert.” You smiled and walked forward, Bob saw his tiptoes reach the line between the light and the dark. “The sunshine will do you the world of good.” You assured from the lawn that was framed with flower, fruit, and vegetable patches. “Won’t hurt you, and if it does I’ll fly up and punch the sun.”

Bob laughed. Really belted out a loud carefree chuckle. You felt the sun burn brighter when he did. “What you gonna use that broomstick on your porch?” He asked, stepping out into the light for the first time in what felt like years.

But around you, he felt like he had never left it.

You playfully shrugged, a smirk on your face. “Never know, I just might.” Bob handed you clothing and you hung it on the line, creating a rhythm. A smile never left his face the entire time. “Why don’t you pick something from the beds over there and I’ll work my magic and make something for dinner from it.” Bob looked elated and as soon as the washing was done he ran over to the beds. You smiled to yourself as you grabbed him a basket.

Bob picked a mixture of fruit and vegetables from your garden, placing them in the kitchen and you got to work. “What can I do to help?” He asked. You motioned him over to the sink to help you wash the produce. Your hands brushed against another, catching each other’s eyes every so often. “It’s really pretty,” Bob said, looking directly at you before he realised he was staring, quickly adding “Your house! Of course…” and looked of the window in front that had views of the garden and the beach. “I feel better already. Hard to believe anyone would be unhappy here.”

“I was.” You quietly admitted, sending him a tight smile. “Let’s finish dinner, I have some dough in the fridge for us to make pizza. We can use the raspberries for dessert.” You grabbed what you needed and he stood on one side of the counter while you stood at the other.

Bob remained quiet. Unsure whether to further question your admission. “How do you know Bucky?” He asked instead.

“Bucky and I had a group of friends…uh, my sister actually was good friends with his best friend, Steve.” The names of your past almost made your voice crack. “We’ve always supported and been there for each other. When he told me about you, how you once felt and how you’re recently feeling, I wanted to help you, Robert.”

“Bob,” he quickly interjected “You can call me Bob, please.” He finished off topping his pizza. “And thank you for trying to help me.”

You insisted it wasn’t a problem. He internally insisted that he was.

You placed them in the oven, the gentle meowing from your cat caught Bob’s attention and he crouched to scratch behind its ears. With a swift movement of your hand, the table was set. “Shouldn’t be too long.” Bob stood back up.

“Wow! How did you do that so quickly?” He asked in amazement.

You blinked. “Did he not tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“I’m gonna kill him.” You groaned out and sat Bob down. “I’m not going to beat around the bush here. Bucky should have told you, the reason I can help you is because…well, I’m a witch.” Bob laughed in disbelief, thinking you were all trying to cheer him up by playing an elaborate prank, the broomstick, the cat. You raised a brow and in a glow that manifested out of no where, the same basket from earlier that was left outside was suddenly on his lap. Bob laughed again, laughed, and laughed, and laughed, fizzing out as he fainted and fell off his chair. “Oh god!”

Hours later, Bob came to. Water and his pizza that was still warm by a table next to him. He sat up and took a bite, almost floored again by your work. “Boy, I guess she really is magic.”

It was the next morning you saw Bob, somewhere in between making breakfast and screaming at Bucky over the phone. “How are you feeling? The raspberry tea will help you.” You sighed “Sorry you had to find out like that.” Bob nodded, tentatively moving forward with tears welling in his eyes from just how much you cared about him.

“Whatever it is you need to do,” he said, suddenly speaking up. “Whatever you need to do to help me control my darkness. Do it. I can’t let it take hold of me. It will kill me. I can’t live like this any longer. Please, just do it. Y/N.”

There's darkness in the distance

From the way that I've been livin'

But I know I can't resist it

You sat with him out on the porch that same night, the two of you wanting the sun set. “You know it won’t be easy.” You said, trying to manage his expectations.

“I know, I’ll do my best.” You saw him shivering, from nerves and the chill starting to linger in the air. You flicked your finger and a blanket suddenly shroud you both. He sent you a silent smile in thanks. That was before he delved deeper. “What did you mean when you said you were unhappy here?”

You looking at him through your eyelashes and wondered if hearing stories of your own struggles, he’d be more likely to embrace your help. “I isolated myself here. It was pretty selfish of me but I just had to be alone, fight my demons. I had a brother too, he died, that further darkened my spirt along with everything else I had endured. Then with my sister, one thing after another before she too…” Bob’s hand found yours between your bodies and the blanket. You choked on a sob “I failed her. When she needed me most.”

Bob was meeting your darkness for the first time, his own heart shattering at the sight of you breaking apart on the back porch. You wiped away your tears, sniffling as tried to comfort you by gently rubbing his hand on your back and soothing you with his words. “It’s okay. You cared. You loved her. I can feel that you love and care, so much. Even now. You did the right thing caring and loving yourself first, if you hadn’t, how could you give that to her?”

He didn’t think twice before resting his forehead to yours. Your eyes were shut at the time to stop your tears, suddenly opening at the contact of his head to yours. Bobs eyes did the opposite and shut, suddenly finding a glimmer of light in his darkened world. “Thank you for listening to me.” You pulled back and looked at the moon that was rising above the water.

“Thank you for taking care of yourself. Thank you for taking care of me.” Bob remained close to you and spoke lowly, almost as if he didn’t want the void to hear. “Memory is punishment. It knows that.”

Your stomach sank at his words knowing what you’d have to do. What he would have to do. Confront his fears and his darkness head on. You’d held his navigate that world and help him control it. With one swift blow of a comment, you told him what needed to happen.

“I’ll have to meet your void.”

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

You and I drink the poison from the same vine

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight

Bob was reluctant to say the very least. You gave him some time to mull it over. He tossed and turned that night in bed over the ‘what ifs’.

He was up early the next morning with the rising sun, his broken sleep allowing him to see it. Bob made his way quietly downstairs, trying his best not to wake you from the sound his feet made on the creaky stairs. He noticed you sitting on the back porch, the sun heating the air around you as it started shining on the earth again. He was convinced that when you rose, it did too.

You were in your own head that you didn’t hear him. Focusing only on the sounds of the sea crashing and birds tweeting. And talking to the cat as you often did, it responded like it understood you. It made him smile. It made him feel like he was Bob again. It made him feel like he could blissfully live the rest of his life here with you, every morning he’d be making you pancakes and you’d be outside on the porch waiting for him like what was happening now.

He almost burnt the pancakes he was making you as a ‘thanks’ at the thought of it. At the thought of you. How close he was starting to feel with you. How much you felt like home.

“Something smells good,” you appeared out of nowhere and handed him a cup of coffee that magically appeared out of nowhere before he remembered that it likely did magically appear. “Looks amazing,” you said approaching him and resting right beside his arm, Bob suddenly feeling more heat from that contact than the skillet. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to,” he turned his head, his nose practically bumping against your forehead. “I wanted to because I think we should start tonight.” Your hand gripped his forearm, as if to ask if he was sure and protect him from his messy world at the same time. “It’s time. I feel ready.”

You decided to make the day fun for him. Because what he would experience tonight and the next attempts would be as close as he would get to hell.

You went to the beach which was just a step away from the bottom of your garden. The two of you dipping your toes in the cold sea and playfully splashing one another before you made him lunch and sat on a blanket in the garden together. You chased each other between the linen scented washing on the line and crashed into one another, falling to the grass with a laugh.

If only your powers kept the sun in the sky a little longer, it would mean you wouldn’t have to cause him any suffering. But you knew that wouldn’t be fair in fighting his void.

Your smile faltered a little, finally realising how close you were to him. His laughter caught in his throat feeling your breath fan across his face as he remained in the same spot with your limbs intertwined and his arms around your frame.

That was a chill became present in the air, you looked up and saw the sun starting to set. The golden glow that kissed his face dimmed and vanished. It was time.

You pressed your forehead to his “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

The smell of jasmine and lilac filled the air as twilight settled into the cracks of your home.

You had made him dinner, laughed at some stories of your childhood between the candlelight before you told him you were going upstairs. Upon reaching your room, you grabbed what you needed. Your cat on your bed “He’s going to need us more than ever,” you rubbed behind its ears, softly sighing as it meowed a response. “We’ll take care of him.” Meowing again your features quirked. “It’s not like that between us. Shut up.”

You made your way to the bathroom and filled the tub, lighting candles and scattering protective elements around the room before a flick of your hand turned off the lights.

“This looks more romantic than terrifying,” Bob chuckled from the door frame making you jump and your cheeks flush at his comment.

“It does give that impression, huh,” You nervously laughed. “This helps my powers too, but it’ll also protect you.” Bob looked at the bath and raised a brow at you. “It’s the best way, you can keep your clothes on.” You clarified with wide eyes just before he started to take off his t-shirt. “You’ll be fully submerged for seconds but I’ll be able to have a lot longer on the other side.”

Bob blinked, staggering back a little “We-we’re going to die?!” His voice tight and quiet.

“No! No! No!” You assured. “I’m going to meet your void, that other side! It will be a plane between this world and another.��� You explained and held onto his forearms “I know it’s scary, confusing and pretty much incomprehensible but please, trust me, Bob.”

“I trust you.”

He got into the bath, you rested on your knees beside the tub. “The second I sense trouble I’ll pull us out.” You assured and then with a gentle dunk, Bob was under the water with your hands on his chest and forehead. You chanted softly with shut eyes as you felt your power being pulled in all directions, eyes fluttering shut and opening in a different room. It was four grey walls, a floor that matched, a ceiling you couldn’t see the end of and a seat in front of you.

“So he’s imprisoned you too. Like he did with me- or rather trying to. The walls have been expanding.”

“I’m not a prisoner here. I came here. I came here to help him.” You kneeled up, your hands dripping wet with a familiar scorched look at the fingertips again, one that you took years to ensure it was gone. “Are you not even going to give me the decency to stand in front of me? Show me who you are?” You asked to the never ending void above you. You saw floating feet first as a shadowy figure hovered down, looking over you and not anywhere near the floor.

“You already know me. I’m him.” You sensed that was true, his form perfectly symmetrical to Bob. “Why aren’t you vanishing…?” It asked, sounding confused.

“I don’t know. Maybe you want me here.” It laughed, holding out its hand and then its smile faltering and arm shaking from some unknown force. You remained standing in place. “Is this you trying…?” You deadpanned.

“What makes you different?” It pondered loudly before making a noise that sounded pleased with itself for figuring it out. “Your past.” It came closer to you “I need to know. I want to know.” You glanced behind your shoulder, eyes widening in surprise when you saw the bath there with Bob still under the water. Its hand remained outreached, fingers tense and twitching as it came closer. You stumbled back, hitting against the bath, your hand trying to save you from falling but you instead fell into the water.

Bob let out a loud gasp as he came up for air, you were still kneeling by the bath with your hands against him. They quickly moved to hug him tightly. “Shhh, you’re okay. It’s okay.” His soaking wet body was draped over yours, it reached a point where you wondered would he ever pull back from the hug. “Let’s get you out before you catch a cold.” You told Bob between the echoing drips falling from his arms and also from his eyes. You helped him out, his legs wobbling a little as you brought a towel around his shoulders, gently drying him and his tears before leaving him to finish off and setting up his bed with his pyjamas waiting for him at the bottom of the covers.

You went and changed into your pyjamas your own room, your top soaked through. Your fingers were still tingling, you were eager to go back and try and find out more but you knew this was something Bob had to take at his own pace.

Tellin' myself it's the last time

Can you spare any mercy that you might find

If I'm down on my knees again?

You padded across the carpet before peaking into what was now his room, Bob was there tucked up under the covers and looking at the ceiling. “Hey,” you slowly opened the door with a mug in your hand, his eyes moved to look over at you coming in. “I made you some hot cocoa with lavender, it will help you sleep.” Bob was thankful it was dark, his eyes welling at just how much you cared about him. He had never had someone like you in his life, he never felt truly cared for until he walked through your door. You placed it down on the sideboard and sat beside them on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I was worried it would hurt you.” He lowly confessed.

You softly smiled at his concern “I would have been okay. We had a brief talk, we can try again when you’re ready.” You watched as he drank the cocoa, a little extra magic added to help him sleep in peace. “I should let you get to sleep.” You tired to stand by his hand on top of yours pulled you back to the bed. You looked at the two tangled together and then to Bob.

“Can you stay? It gets so lonely in the dark.” He asked in such a small voice that it almost sounded like he was asking out of shame and guilt.

You don’t know what compelled you to do it but you cupped his face with a reassuring smile, the contact giving you a spark in your heart. “I know it does. I’ll stay.” With a large grin he pulled back the covers, silently inviting you in.

“The cat usually comes and sleeps at the end of the bed, not that I mind.” He explained as you both now settled in a very confined shared space.

You sent him a side-eyed glance. “Uh…I may have asked it to.” A moment of silence passed before Bob burst into a fit of giggles, you joined in. His tears turning into ones of joy. “What?! I just wanted to make sure you had company.”

The two of you were lying on your backs after your laughter subsided. “I thought witches were supposed to have black cats?”

“That’s a myth. Like most things regarding witches.” You replied. “Some thing’s though I am a walking cliché- I’m afraid you’ve noticed already.” Bob chuckled again.

“When did you realise you were one?” He asked.

You let out a deep sigh. “Lots of soul searching. Lots of coming to terms. Lots of trying to love myself. Lots of practice.” You explained, turning your face to look at his and suddenly realising how small your guest room bed was.

“So can you fly?”

“I can.”

“Cool. So can I.”

“Wait…what?”

Bob chortled “Bucky didn’t tell you about Sentry?”

“No, he did. He didn’t tell me you could fly though. We’ll have a lesson in that too.” You said “Right after I kick his ass,” you grumbled under your breath.

“Good because back at the watchtower I went through the ceiling after I sneezed too strongly.” He sleepily giggled and you bit down your lip to contain your laughter. He was dipping in and out of consciousness, the magic taking hold. “Oh,” he yawned “You could have kept me company if you wanted to…I would…woulda said y-y…yeah.”

You blinked at his tired comment and watch as he fell into a deep sleep. You watched as his face twitched every so often throughout the hour or so you lay in the bed beside him. His lips twitching into a smile that put one on your own. That’s when you realised that you had been staring at them for the longest time. You closed your eyes, trying to get some sleep, but the only thing you could think of was him.

Deep down, way down, Lord, I try

Try to follow your light, but it's night time

Please, don't leave me in the end

The next morning the streams of sunlight kissed your face, your eyes opened and you found Bob’s face inches away from your own with your limbs tanged together. He was already awake “Morning,” his cracking, sleep laced words filling the room.

“Good morning”, you hazily replied, none of you moving from the spots you were in.

Bob softly smiled, his hand now coming up to brush away some hair that was sprayed over your face. “Sorry for staring, I just can’t look away.” His admission made you swallow hard and you knew he saw your eyes darting back and forth from his eyes to his lips. “You’re so beautiful, every part of you.” He slowly shifted closer and you moved to meet him in the middle, your lips meeting first.

He pressed a soft kiss to your lips before pulling back. You both battled for the largest grin, Bob’s much larger when you rolled on top of him and passionately kissed him back. He softly moaned against your lips, his hand roaming up your sides and slipping under your top, sparks with each touch followed. You breathed out his name, he responded by murmuring yours against your skin. He flipped you onto your back, his mouth crashing against yours. “Bob…” you smiled against his lips.

His hands toyed with the hem of your pyjama bottoms. “Can I?” He asked between kisses. You didn’t know how many times you said yes, but by the time you stopped you were both laying on each other in a naked panting mess. Bob pressed a long, lazy, blissful kiss to your temple, hugging you to keep you close. “When I’m with you I forget I have my void.”

The mention of his other self made you subconsciously hold him closer, if that minuscule move would protect him. “I’m glad you feel that way. Let me make you breakfast, Bob.” You pecked his lips before moving from the bed and hearing a whistle as he checked out your body in the sunlight. “Oh hush you!” With a flick of your flustered hand you had a robe wrapped around you in a flash.

He met you downstairs when he changed, watching you from as you made him eggs, music playing from the corner of the room. Bob watched as you swayed from side to side. “Didn’t realise I was staying with a dancing witch…” he teased before hugging you from behind and peppering kisses up the side of your neck.

You laughed from his comment and the gentle tickling sensation. “Oh I don’t dance much! Never had anyone to dance with.” You flippantly admitted.

Bob stepped back and you turned around, his hand reaching out. “You have me now.” You turned down the stove and let him take lead. Waltzing together in the kitchen, your bodies close against each other as he hummed the song into your ear. It was the closest Bob felt to being completely and utterly happy. Suddenly you felt the two of you floating- and not just metaphorically.

You looked down and gasped seeing both of you levitating off the floor. Bob let out a low droned ‘Oh’ as you both lowered each other. “I think I know how we can control your powers…” you whispered out. “If we control them, we can control your void.” The look of relief that washed over his face made your heart practically burst with happiness at the sight.

After that morning, you both quickly fell into a very domesticated life. Bob watched as you got up each morning after spending your waking moments with him, then onto feeding the birds, in his eyes, looking like a goddamn Disney princess or something along those lines. He picked you flowers every other day, just because. You practiced various techniques to hone his skills. He kissed you goodnight.

It was almost a week since you had met his void.

You were at dinner, a cozy date night at home again with him amongst the candles. “I think you should go back again.” He said out of the blue, almost making you drop your glass. He noticed your panicked expression, even when you were trying your best to hide it.

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

You nodded with a tight smile.

“I’ll visit tonight.”

There's darkness in the distance

I'm beggin' for forgiveness (ooh)

But I know I might resist it, oh

Your setup was virtually complete when Bob reached the bathroom, he listened as you spoke out to nothing in a language he couldn’t decipher. “Ready?” He asked and you nodded, you found it funny in a terrifying way that he was more ready than you.

He got into the bath, giving you a long kiss before plunging himself under the water, your hands on his chest and forehead again. Your eyes opened in a room that was becoming more familiar to you. The same four grey walls, the floor that matched, and the ceiling you couldn’t see the end of. The seat in front of you still wasn’t occupied.

“Back again?” It asked and you walked forward, hands scorched and dripping wet.

You looked up, the void slowly drifting down. “Couldn’t resist,” you sarcastically snapped back at it, ready to end Bob’s suffering once and for all. The void finally saw your scorched fingertips. A haunted memory of your past. It didn’t quite let out a noise that sounded like a chuckle at the sight. You weren’t entirely sure of the sound at all.

“You’re far too powerful for me to fight, you know this already.” It admitted.

You smirked. “I am a Maximoff after all.” A chair manifested for you and the void bobbed its head in shocked curiosity. “So sit.”

It quickly compiled, you sat facing it, leaning forward as if you were scolding a petulant child. “All this anger and sadness was once love.” You told it and its head slowly fell to the floor.

“I can’t remember it ever feeling like that…”

Its voice was echoed, you turned around and saw Bob standing there out of the bathtub, dry as a desert. You smiled and a seat appeared next to you. “Sit with us,” you encouraged. Bob and his void glared at each other and you sharply sighed. “You can’t leave each other, but you can’t fight each other. You must learn to live in harmony.”

“I’ve tried.” Bob admitted, twiddling with this thumbs.

“Not hard enough. You could have done so much better,” his void replied.

“Enough,” you warned, your golden glow turning a shade of red.

The void was just as intrigued as Bob. “You’ve met me, what about your own void?” It asked, Bob remained quiet.

“My void is my past.” You simply stated. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of, and I did things that I am proud of.” The void would have latched onto something like this, slowly manipulate you into oblivion but instead it didn’t feel the compelling need to do that to you. It felt a compelling need to comfort you.

“Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?”

You looked up, blinking at its words.

“It’s right, I don’t think how realise how strong and how wonderful you are.” Bob’s hand held one of your own while the void held the other. The two then eventually looking at each other.

“I think you and I can come to some sort of arrangement.” The void said and Bob nodded in agreement.

“I agree, if not for ourselves, for you, Y/N.” Bob leaned forward and kissed your cheek. “I’ll see you on the other side,” he spoke to you before then looking to his void with a small smile. Bob got back into the bathtub and you prepared to be pulled out from whatever existence you were in.

Just as you were about to go, the void pulled you back towards it.

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

You and I drink the poison from the same vine

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight

“How can you love the worst part of yourself..?” It asked itself a rhetorical, self-reflective question. You cupped its cheek, forcing it to look at you as it rambled on. “How can you endure the worst part of me?” You saw the glimmer of Bob in there, a part of him bounded to his void for eternity. Just like the void was bound to the Bob you knew outside this realm.

“I love all of you. Good and the bad.”

The void released a noise that was between a sniffle and a bubble of laughter. “He gets less lonely every day…I feel the same. I looked forward to the hope of you visiting again.” Its admission made you smile. “Since I’ll be here, I’d like it if you continued to visit.”

You nodded. “I’d like to as well. You’re just another part of Bob I’ve come to love. I’ll visit you when he sleeps, keep you company.” You pecked its cheek before turning away.

“Thank you.” It called out.

“You’re welcome, Bob.”

It did laugh that tone. “Feels strange being called that. I’ve always been known as a void, a darkness, a burden…”

“You’re none of those things, you’re my Bob,” you looked at your sweet boy in the bathtub “Well a part of him at least.”

“Wait…you said love. You said it twice.” Its voice now almost as bright as the sun.

You smirked, hands ready to be placed back into the water.

“I know what I said.”

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

“Don’t give me that attitude, Alpine. I’ll make you live with Bucky- again!” You yelled at the cat, emotions running high as Bucky and the team were coming to see him after his six month stay- that has evolved into a permanent one- with you.

“Hey, everything’s going to be great. Better than great,” he kissed your forehead, your nose and then lips. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you sweetly smiled before hearing a car pull up. “That’s them.”

You and Bob walked out to your front porch, your garden even in late August still blooming thanks to your ‘green fingers’. “Hey guys!” Bob smiled from ear to ear as he made his way down the path to hug each of his teammates. Bucky approached you and wrapped his arms around you.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said as you hugged him back. “You’ve really worked your magic with him- pun intended.” You chuckled “But seriously, he’s like a different person!”

“We both are,” you affectionately smiled at Bob as he caught up with the team. “C’mon we made you guys lunch, it’s out in the garden.”

You greeted and briefly met everyone through the halls of the home you shared with Bob. Bucky looked at the photos on the wall, smiling seeing you and your older twin siblings in one, you and Wanda in another, you with Steve and Sam laughing in a dive bar. He then saw a photo of you with Bob, then another, then another two, then one with you Bob and Alpine. He let out a ‘huh’ under his breath before stopping and walking back a few steps to see the photo of you and Bob kissing out on the beach at the back of your house. “Oh.”

Everyone watched in amazement as you and Bob magically moved things through the air to finish off setting the table. “Help yourselves guys!” They were almost too stunned at the sight of effortless magic and the bending of elements to speak.

“Do you feel better, Bob?” Yelena asked as the team slowly sat down, Bucky joining them moments later.

“Much better, and only better days to come.” Bob smiled at you as he took your hand and gently squeezed it in a patch of shade enveloping your hands. Like the void was also giving your hand a loving squeeze too.

Bucky cleared his throat “Are you two…together?” He asked as food was being passed about. Suddenly it stopped and everyone turned to you both.

You were stood while Bob was sat, your fingers wrapped over his shoulder. This was Bucky, your longest friend- you knew you couldn’t get away with not telling him the truth. You also knew how much Bob respected the team, how much he held them in his heart. It wouldn’t have been fair to any of them to withhold.

“Well, we are a little more than that now…”

Bucky’s eyes went wide as yours and Bobs fingers brushed against your stomach. Alexei and Yelena rose to their feet gasping before cheering.

After the celebrations, Bucky had a moment with the both of you. “Congratulations you two, you’ll be great parents. I can already tell how much you guys devote each other.” You and Bob giddily smiled, he pressed a kiss to your temple. “But Y/N, don’t twins run in the family?”

Bob laughed, and laughed, and laughed , and then it fizzled out before he collapsed to the ground.

“Oh god not again!”

You and I drink the poison from the same vine

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight

“Hey! Don’t you throw her too high! I’ll hex you.” Soft, bubbly giggles filled the air.

“C’mon! This is why I’m the fun one,” you sent Bob a playful glare and he softly rolled his eyes with a smile in his face. “Alright…mom wins this time doesn’t she.” He peppered kisses on the cheeks of his daughter before you passed him his son and he ensured he wasn’t left out, the sunshine’s of his life. The one that shone on him first now in the kitchen preparing dinner and swaying to the music playing in the corner.

He smiled at the sight and then at his children. “Let’s get you guys inside, help mom. Although she’s always so great,” he confessed to the three month year olds who didn’t understand a word he was saying. “She’s pretty magic.”

Later that evening the two of you were in bed, the smell of the lavender hot cocoa which became part of his bedtime routine lingered in the air. Bob fell into a deep sleep and Jim reach out, laughing onto his fingertip and squeezing your eyes shut.

“Hi, my love,” you smiled at the void Bob. That once cold, concrete coloured room now bright and bursting with parts of both you Bob and your children. “How was your day?”

“Always better for being with you, Bob.”

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

[yup-thats-me]

—silly emotions • K. Hongjoong

✾pairing; ❝bf!Hongjoong x gf!reader❞ ✾summary; ❝Hongjoong is absolutely speechless at his lover's question but he knows its her emotions speaking.❞ ✾warnings; ❝periods❞ ✾a/n; ❝guess who's on her period?! also, guys I can't type with my nails but they look so pretty ;')❞

"I have a question, Joongie," Y/n mumbles as she lay atop her beloved boyfriend's chest, Hongjoong;

"What is it, love?"

"Would you forget about me if i die?"

Hongjoong's hand momentarily stops stroking her hair. Would he forget her? Perhaps not; absolutely not. He may be forced to move if the girl passes away, but he won't forget her.

How could he? She's the one who taught him to be kind to himself, the one who held him together when things were rough, times when he felt like he could no longer carry on.

"Of course, not, my love," He hugs the girl closer to his chest. "I could not even if I wanted to."

But the girl was not having it. Pushing herself off his chest, she looked at the man, betrayed.

"Then," she stared at him. "You still think about your ex?"

"..."

What was he supposed to say now? Either way he answered, it would make her more angry.

"Wait—" He hurriedly sat up straight, panic clear in his voice. "You know that's not what I meant!"

"No? What did you mean then?" She shoved against his chest, making him stumble back. "You'll not forget me, but you're telling me you don't think about your ex still? How am I supposed to believe that, Hongjoong?"

This was getting serious, the tears gathering at Y/n eye's told Hongjoong. She was on her period, he knew but he also knew no matter what he said, it would not calm her down.

Staying still for a minute, the man knelt on the floor before her, taking her hand in his.

"Y/n, I promise," His eyes speaking on behalf of him.

"I will not forget you, I could never. But if I am forced to move on, I will carry you here," he pointed at his heart. "Nobody will be able to replace you, never."

Y/n could no longer keep the tears at bay and broke down sobbing. Smiling, Hongjoong got up, hugging her close. "And as for my ex...what was her name again?"

Giggling softly, Y/n hit him playfully. "Stop playing!"

"Silly little baby," Hongjoong remarked resting his chin on her head. "No one will replace you, I promise."

"I'll come to haunt you if you do," Y/n countered.

"You're always welcome to, my love."

do not steal, copy or translate my works on any other sites. All rights belongs to yup-thats-me™ on tumblr.

reqs are openᝰ.ᐟ🫐

[sebmindbreak]

Hi, hi! Just gonna start of with saying that your writings are awesome, and quite inspirational!

If it is possible, could it be possible to pair yandere + smut as a request? (Characters: Azure, Two Time and ofc, reader.)

Oneshot of course! (These stupid little exes(?) have a death grip on me, and possibly many others…)

Oh, but please take the time you need to think, and all of that! Drink and eat lots that you possibly can as well!

Honestly looking forward to your future works! 🫶

— Sincerely, a certified hibernating bear. 🐻💤 (I can bet that some people will be able to tell who I am, even when anon…)

I LOVETHEIR DYNAMICS BRO!! <3

AAAAAAAAAAA ALSO TYTYTY SM <33

it makes me very happy u like my writings! ^u^

scenario : is basically two time and azure fighting over you

TITLE : fighting

The round had barely begun, and yet the familiar tension in the air had already twisted into something volatile. only as a backdrop to the true conflict unfolding before you.

Not the game. Not the round.

But them.

Two Time and Azure.

They stood in the middle of the killer's domain, nose to nose, like predators baring their teeth over fresh prey you.

Azure's eyes, usually so calm and electric with mischief, were now alight with something far more dangerous: possessiveness. His teeth were gritted behind a too-wide smile, his arms spread as though he were shielding you.but his entire posture screamed "mine."

"You're wasting their time," Azure growled, voice laced with venom. "You think they want to sit in your dusty little altar room again? Staring at bones and gibberish ink? News flash, cultist, they want something real."

Two Time didn't flinch. If anything, they leaned in closer, a twitch in their eye as their gloved hand gripped tighter around the worn, bloodstained dagger they carried like a lifeline.

"You call it gibberish, but you wouldn't understand devotion if it branded itself onto your skin." Their voice was low, but no less threatening. "The Spawn chose them. Not you. They belong beside me."

"Belong?" Azure snapped, stepping forward. "They're not a book for your altar or some sacrificial toy! They need care. Love. Something you clearly know nothing about."

Two Time let out a laugh, sharp and bitter, like a knife dragged against stone. "And you do? Dragging them to your hideout like a pet? You think shoving sweets and distractions in their face is love? It's pathetic."

Azure's hand twitched at his side. You could see the tension in his shoulders, his jaw, the way his usually fluid movements had stiffened into something rigid, ready to pounce.

"At least I don't watch them sleep and write about it in ink! You creep me out more than half the survivors."

Two Time tilted their head, a twitching smile pulling at their lips. "At least I worship them like they deserve. At least I see them as divine."

You stood in the middle of it. Silent. Caught.

Azure reached for you suddenly, fingers brushing your wrist. "Come with me. I'll make you comfortable. You can rest we'll lay together, I'll cook for you. You like waffles , pancakes , anything you want i'll cook it for you ,anything"

But before you could move, Two Time was there, grabbing your other arm like a vice. "No," they hissed. "Come. You said you'd help me. You said you'd be there when the next ritual came. I need you."

Their eyes met across your form, one blazing purple, the other twitching with spiraling devotion. You could feel their breathing on either side of you, could practically hear their racing hearts in your ears. You weren't a person to them in that moment. You were a battlefield. A divine prize.

"You can't have them."

"Neither can you."

"They want me."

"They belong with me."

The words became a blur of snarls and obsession, your name twisted in praise and plea. You could feel the heat from their bodies as they pressed closer, as if proximity might secure victory.

And yet neither would let go.

Neither would yield.

Even in their shared history , exes bound by something broken and furious they had never been more similar than now. Both deluded. Both devoted. Both dangerous.

And both utterly, violently in love with you.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY!

i love these sillies <33

writing writing , honestly its relaxing asf to write.. , especialy so small thigns like these!

[the-empress-7]

I work as a OB/GYN and I just saw that bump pic and can tell you that ain’t a real one.

With a bump that large, you would have drastic weight/swelling elsewhere on the body as otherwise she wouldn’t be able to walk & would be dependent on a wheelchair to get around.

Thanks, I agree.

I also just looked my own first pregnancy pictures the week before I gave birth to my son, and 1. My belly did not look like I was carrying twins like she does in the pictures (I gave birth to a 7 lb baby similar to Archie allegedly) 2. Also at that stage the baby had started to drop and didn't sit that high and straight out.

As I have mentioned before I am almost the same height and build as her.

[beewildered]

Firstly, I don't have to support rape porn to acknowledge that it should not be censored. I can absolutely despise it, and still know that an archive should not censor its contents and censorship in general is bad. I mean, look at the KOSA bill trying to pass in the US. It's framing itself as a way to protect children via censorship, and you think maybe it would be okay if it's only certain things, but the wording used on the actual bill says that they will censor anything deemed harmful to minors, which is intentionally vague so they can try to shove as much underneath that label of "harmful" as possible. There's already been concerns raised about queer content, but it's also going to stop kids from being able to look for help. It's likely to be carried out by just finding specific words and censoring that site, so it's possible children won't be able to access hotlines for suicide or rape. They won't be able to find spaces with other queer people. They won't be able to learn about their sexual health. This is the kind of thing you support with censorship, because no rule or law ever is going to ban rape porn specifically; they will make their ban as vague as possible so they can ban as many things that go against the general beliefs of the government as they can.

Secondly, a work of fiction has absolutely no effect on my opinions about anything in reality, because I am aware that fiction is not real, and the world around me is, so what I choose to read can be very different to what I want to see in the world today. What fictional content someone reads will not tell you anything about their moral or political stances because fiction does not reflect reality like that.

People talking about the “censorship” of Ao3 and it’s just people not wanting rape porn on the site

[keeryhours]

real love, baby - chapter five

Billy Hargrove x female! reader

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary:

Things are revealed at school.

Warnings:

Pregnancy, bullying, shitty parents, comments about weight

Word Count: 2k

A/N:

I’m so sorry this chapter took so long! This one is pretty short but things are about to get more eventful.

15 weeks pregnant

Baby is the size of an apple 

Billy didn’t say anything at first. In fact, he stayed hidden in his cowardice for weeks more. Beating himself up about it, watching you, longing to reach out and touch you and tell the truth. But he just couldn’t bring himself to. Maybe it was his dad, maybe it was his popularity and the girls, maybe it was just fear of the future. Whatever it was, he didn’t make a move.

It was another day, 15 weeks now and no longer able to hide it. The whole school knew for sure now. It was a miracle you’d been able to keep hiding it from your parents. 

Things had gotten worse for you and Eddie, but he still never stood up for himself with the truth. It would have been so easy to do, but he didn’t. You were eating lunch with the Hellfire boys, standing to grab a refill of your water when Jason stepped out in front of you. Your heart immediately sank, because any interaction with Jason was always sure to be a disaster, especially since the incident with Gareth.

“Hey, slut,” he said. “Eating for two?”

You gritted your teeth, sighing. You weren’t going to engage with him. You tried to push past his shoulder, but he stopped you.

“You know, I feel real sorry for that baby,” he said, voice low, meant specifically for you. “Not only a whore for a mother - how embarrassing - but a satan-worshipping freak as a dad? That’s just-“

Jason was cut off as he was shoved back in the chest. You both turned to look at Billy wide eyed, both completely shocked.

“Back off,” Billy said, leaving no room for discussion. “Leave her alone.”

“Wh-what?” Jason stuttered, completely confused as to why his friend and basketball team captain was standing up for you of all people.

“I said, back off, Carver,” he said again. And before he’d even had a chance to think of the words he said next - “That’s my kid.”

Jason looked at him like he was crazy. “Man, what- what the hell are you talking about?” He laughed, gaze darting between your shocked expression and Billy’s, who looked equally shocked by what he’d just said and to who. “That’s not…”

Billy looked at you, meeting your eyes, before he turned back to Jason. “It’s…yeah, it’s my kid.”

Jason just stared at his friend like he couldn’t understand or believe the words he was saying. “That’s funny, man, but-“

“No, I’m…” Billy looked around as the whole cafeteria’s attention was zoned in on you three. “I’m being serious. The baby is mine.”

Jason genuinely did not know what to say. No one did. He looked as if Billy wasn’t even speaking english. Finally Billy just put an arm around you - “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he mumbled, leading you out of the lunch room and down the hall.

“You just…” you began, stumbling over your feet as you tried to keep up with Billy’s pace. “Hey, slow down, I actually am carrying a whole extra person.”

Billy glanced back at you and down to your stomach before turning his attention back ahead of him. “Sorry.”

He slowed slightly as he led you out of the halls and into the school parking lot. “Where are we going?” you asked, letting him lead you wherever he wanted.

“I…don’t know,” Billy said pausing as he put his keys in the car door. “This is just what I do, when I’m upset or…need to think. I drive somewhere.”

“And you wanted to take me with you this time?”

He looked at you over the hood of his car. “Yeah.”

“Then let’s go.” You smiled softly at him as you gestured towards the Camaro. He reluctantly returned a small smile as he unlocked the doors and you both slid inside. He started the engine, metal music blasting through the speakers immediately, which would have startled you if you weren’t so used to it from Eddie.

Billy flew out of the parking lot, driving even more recklessly than Eddie. He liked that it didn’t phase you much. Usually the girls he had in his car were freaked out by it.

He stopped the car at Lover’s Lake. You looked at him pointedly, and he held his hands up. “I didn’t take you here for that reason,” he insisted. “It’s just…I knew it would be abandoned right now.” You believed him.

He leaned back against his headrest, hands rubbing over his face as he let out a big sigh. “Well, it’s out now.”

You felt awkward. He didn’t seem happy about this. Your hands messed with the hem of your skirt as you watched him, waiting for more words, anything. You were distinctly aware of the shape of the bump beneath your sweater, the reason for both of your troubles evidenced under your clothes. At least he didn’t have that.

He looked over at you. “It’s not…I’m not upset with you,” he said. “I’m not upset at all. I mean, maybe I could have come out with it a little better, school’s going to be a disaster when I go back. But I…” He turned, looking through his front window at the lake. “I’ve been a real asshole.”

His words surprised you. It was the last thing you expected to hear from Billy…ever. But you weren’t about to stop him, this seemed like a good track.

When you didn’t say anything, he laughed a little and then continued. “I’m sorry. I…I knocked you up and then left you to do it all alone while I kept living my life. That was fucked up. That’s just as much my kid as it is yours.”

Something about that last part sent butterflies free in your stomach. You hung onto his every word, as if it would all slip from your grasp if you let it. This is what you’d wanted since the beginning, isn’t it? But you never thought you’d have it.

“Yeah,” you said, because you weren’t about to tell him it’s okay. It wasn’t. But you weren’t opposed to him turning things around.

He glanced over to you again, looking up at you through his unfairly nice eyelashes. “Can I…fix things? Can I make it up to you?”

“You’re serious?” you asked him. You didn’t want him to do this and then change his mind and leave you alone again. “Because this is a real living baby. You can’t just come and go. If you’re in, you’re in.”

“I’m in,” he said immediately. “I’m in.”

Your heart thudded in your chest. He sounded serious. He looked serious. “What does this mean?”

“I…” Billy wasn’t entirely sure himself. “I want to be there. I want to be the dad.”

You let out a long breath. “You know that’s a huge commitment, right?”

“I know,” he said. “That’s my kid. I don’t want to miss anything else. I’m not leaving you on your own.”

Silence. Then, you spoke the question that had been weighing on you. “What about your dad?”

Billy froze. Panic crept in under his skin, an ice cold waterfall of fear. “I…don’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

Billy rubbed his hands over his face again, like he was trying to erase every racing thought from his head. His dad would find out eventually. It would be better if he told him rather than him finding out from gossip. But, fuck, it wasn’t going to go down well. “I guess I have to.”

“When?”

“I don’t know.” He wasn’t exactly in a rush to do it. He figured he had time, right? But, shit, you were already almost halfway through your pregnancy. Everyone knew you were pregnant, and now after the stunt in the cafeteria, everyone knew Billy was the father. It was only a matter of time before word spread through town and it got back to Neil.

What would Neil do? Would he kick him out? Berate him? Hit him? Probably all of the above. Billy could handle it, but what he couldn’t handle was bringing you into Neil’s world. It was bad enough Max was living in it now. He couldn’t stand bringing another innocent person into his dad’s orbit.

You could tell he was thinking. You reached over and put your hand on his arm. “We’re in this together now.”

Billy wasn’t sure why, but that did make him feel better. He put his hand over yours. “Yeah. We are.”

Billy dropped you off at your house once enough time had passed that your parents wouldn’t ask questions. His Camaro rolled up in front of the house, engine idling as he put it in park. He finished off his cigarette and tossed it out the window.

“I’ll call you,” he said. “And you can let me know when your next appointment is. I’ll be there.”

You smiled softly. “Okay. I’ll let you know.” Your turned to get out, but your hand hovered over the handle. “And thank you.”

Billy’s eyebrows drew together. “You’re thanking me?”

“Yeah,” you said. “You stood up for me and…you did the right thing.”

Billy scoffed. “Yeah, well. I’ve done the wrong thing for long enough.”

Billy watched as you climbed out of the car and walked up the walkway. He didn’t leave until he saw you open the door and go inside, sure you were safe.

Your mom was in the kitchen when you walked in. She looked up at you, then back to the onion she was chopping - then did a double take, her eyes landing on your middle. “You’ve gained weight.”

You froze in place. You were wearing an oversized sweater that did a pretty good job of hiding the bump. Your heart sunk in your chest. This was it. You braced yourself.

“Have you been watching what you eat?” she asked. “You know we talked about this. You can’t just eat whatever you want. And this is why.”

You almost let out a breath of relief, but held it in. “I haven’t. I’m sorry.”

Your mom shook her head as she went back to dinner prep. “You had such a beautiful figure. It’s such a shame you don’t take care of yourself.”

If only she knew how your figure was really going to change. Thank god she didn’t put it together.

You left the kitchen before she could say anything else, running up the stairs and into your bedroom. You slipped the sweater over your head and grabbed a t-shirt to change into - your fingertips grazing over the soft skin of the bump before you covered yourself with the shirt.

Your phone started ringing immediately. Curious who it could be, you picked up. “Hello?”

Your name was said through the phone at way too loud of a volume. “What the fuck?”

Your lips turned up into a small smile. “Eddie-“

“What the fuck was that about?” he practically yelled. He was always so fucking loud. “What was that?? Where did you go?”

“We had to get out of there after that,” you said.

“Yeah, well, everything at school went to shit after you two left. No one knows what to think.” He scoffed. “Of course there was no ‘I’m sorry, Eddie, for everything we’ve said about you. Turns out it was Hargrove’s all along and we unfairly treated you like shit.’”

“Are you mad at me?”

“At you?” he asked, like it had never crossed his mind. “No, fuck no, never. Wasn’t your fault. You’ve been getting shit even worse than me, and you still are. A little pissed at Hargrove, though. Could’ve come forward a little sooner maybe.”

A moment of quiet. “He said he wants to be involved now.”

“Do you believe him?”

You did, but you didn’t know if Eddie would. “He seemed genuine.”

“Well, he has a lot to make up for,” Eddie said. “And if he treats you or my godchild like shit again, I swear to god-“

“I know,” you said, smiling. Your hand rested on your stomach. You knew if nothing else, this baby was incredibly loved by both you and Eddie. And Billy too, you now felt.

“I just love you. Both of you. And you know I would’ve made sure you were both taken care of.”

“I know, Eds. I love you too.”

“Good.” You could hear the smile in his voice. “Because you and Billy aren’t getting rid of me. I’m gonna be the favorite uncle, or whatever.”

“Would never dream of getting rid of you, Eddie.”

tag list

@rincallistis @holb32 @missingbillyhargrove @fandom-princess-forevermore @kenmasabg @pinklyred @seedlingghost @strangerthing93 @losingmygrasponreality @jaybbygrl @crispystarfishhottub @capswife @rowynbriarsalix @mmmunson @valerieeej @duckyhowls @r1ssa @btsgangleader @fanofgunsnroses @melaninjhs @missjadesfics @robinbuckleywife @ali-r3n @cheesesandwichsanto @angxlg0dz @thestrals-and-firewiskey @badasspizzalover @charmed-asylum @queen-honeybee-stories @meetmeatyourworst @tashibum

[noot-noot-shoot]

I can finally announce, that Aoba got his first boyfriend!!!! :)

I know, Clear's more signature animal is a jellyfish, but all plushies, i will be crocheting, will be land-animals, so for Clear to be the only aquatic one would have been too cruel.... he wouldn't have been able to hug fox-Aoba that way :(

So that's why he became a bat! But i gave him a little jellyfish-plushie, that he can carry around!!

He was also super fun to make, but i accidentally made one wing a little longer than the other, but that just makes him give even better hugs :)

Also i contemplated for quite a while, wether i should give him the neck-fluff or not. But the neck-fluff makes him a lot softer and fluffier, so i couldn't resist after all!!

Again, the clothes took the longest to make and even though i made him his little coat, i prefer him without it. You really just can't see it that well, since it has the same color-scheme as his body, but oh well

Also the mask took so long to sew together!

But overall i am quite happy and finally fox-Aoba is not alone anymore :)

[thequeenofthewinter]

WIP Whenever

Brain was too busy being mean to itself this week to post on the normal Wednesday, but here I am now. I promised you more smut, so here I am to deliver. How much longer will I carry on with this? I have no idea, but I'm getting close to finishing this and putting up my next chapter of Even in Death Flowers Bloom. Thank you all for your patience if you're reading.

Should I tag people? I have no idea. Come and get it (if you're into this kind of thing): @redheadsramblings @caughtnyact @starfleetteddybear @thepalehorsevictoria @draco-illius-noctis @sofiemystique @paramortality @guacamolleee @theyearningghoul @aldisobey @holdingontojupiter and anyone else who wants to get in here. I honestly have no idea who else might be interested in my madness.

Her lips find the side of his neck, trailing up to his jaw, to the side of his face, and then finally to his mouth to kiss him slowly, lips molding gently against his as her tongue flicks against him, begging for entrance. Hunger, like a flame, licks up her insides, too hot for her to ignore as his mouth opens for her this time, tongue dancing over his and consuming everything in its wake. What she would give to stay here in this moment, wrapped up in the weight and warmth of his body over hers—the intensity of his affections she knows would match the devotion and care he throws into anything he does.

“I need you. You have no idea how much.”  

Thoughts trickle like sand from her fingers, the harder she presses against him, the faster they spill from her. She takes his lips between her teeth, biting down softly as she grinds desperately against him. 

“Ever since that walk in the Memorial Gardens—” Her tongue licks a path up the edge of his jaw. “—I have not been able to stop thinking about you.” She kisses him across the sharpness of his cheekbones until she meets his hairline and then down to his lips once again.

Drowning. She could only describe what she feels as drowning, and when she pulls back to look into his hazel eyes, she can see naught but the same hunger which threatens to swallow her whole reflected back at her.

“Please, I want…” Her arms snake their way down to take him in her hands again, and this time he does not have the will left within him to stop her.

At first, she takes him slowly, fingers gripping his hardness tightly and giving him a languishing stroke. 

Her hands are so hot, so tight, so perfect around him, and as Emmrich groans, images flashing before him as to what else might be even hotter, even wetter and ready for him to bury himself inside.

[bookandyarndragon]

Olly watched Kara melt into the warmth of his gene-father's aura. All of the tension in her being disolving away. Leaning into him as he lifted her out of the vehicle. As Dr Rose relaxed the terror in her scent smoothing out into a more managable degree of worry. Accepting Ollyanderos' hand down with a quiet thanks. Furrowing her brows in intense concentration as she framed her answer.

"My Cato as tough as he is determined," she agreed with his gene-father. I think Captain Ash'val intends to explain as quickly as possible. Even with your supernaturally fast language acquisition, i have not enough Hign Gothic to explain as much as i understand in the exact now. The short is to be Bonded is to be knotted soul to soul." In a much softer tone she added, "and I am profoundly terrified for what the far then carries if Earth is no longer green." Both of Ollyanderos' hearts missed a beat as he was forcibly reminded Dr. Rose wasn't Warp Blind. Captain Ash'val's shoulders slumped.

"Lord Father, if I may be bold, it would be my honor to escort Captain Sicarious' Bonded and her young niece to the Apothecaries. They have a suitable waiting area even if Captain Sicarious is not yet able to recieve visitors." Olly felt a swell of pride for thinking on his feet. Hopefully his Primarch wouldn't take his offer amiss.

Alow me to present how The Astarts under Captain Ash'val learn Cato isn't a Primaris killer:

One very harried and much in the need of a vacation Primarch finds himself in the woods. Step one find running water and go down hill to find civilization. Or he could folow the smell of baking bread. That's very promising. He sees a woman in a primative kitchen working on a less primative dataslate so he asks where he is,

Rose is baking bread in the outdoor oven. Gradeing spring semister final papers on her laptop while she hurries up and waits. Oh the dog is barking there's a very important Ultramarine. Definitely wished she'd goten someone to start teaching her Gothic sooner

The woman has just enough Gothic to convey going to call a translator and offer him hospitality. Some beverage sweet tannic and slightly mentholated from a large spigoted canister in Astartes sized cup. Very curious. The dog, a canine of noble and ancient lines is sideling while still seated over with the clear intent on making friends.

Rose can't reach Cato so tries Hrodr on speaker phone instead. "My bonded isn't answering-" and is cut off by an enthusiastic Space Wolf.

"Your bonded, how does the little mother to be put it? He beat the taste out of the mouth of Black Templar Chaplin Petras in single combat. While the Chaplin was in full armor! Sadly his vox did not survive. We shall sing of his victory and feast it. Once we get back from taking him to the Apothecary anyways. You should start comp-" Hrodr himself is cut off by none other than the man himself.

"Serves the bastard right for congraulating me for losing Astartes to the warp! How dare he imply that the Duke of Talassar would betray my comand! And so help me Wolf if you start singing i'll beat you and your double image to Mars and back!" Cato is being very Cato.

"Put the Head of my Viccatrix Guard on the vox. Now." Rose doesn't need to understand all the words to pass over the phone to the imperiously held out hand.

Cato thinks he may have been hit in the head even harder than he initially thought.

Yes! I love this.

Cato has time sit down again. Oh holy God Emperor.

"Lord Father?" Cato crooks out as he snaps to attention at the sound of a very important person. "How may I assist you, sir?"

The Space Wolves look like they are punch drunk and suddenly very intensely listening in- while also sending messages that A Primarch has landed on Ancient Terra.

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 38.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

-

A/n: ugh this fuckin headache is relentless. i've eaten, i've had water, i've had caffeine, what else could it be other than my manbones trying to escape this meat prison rip. Not only that, but life keeps hitting snags. Why does god have to give his toughest battles to his silliest of gooses. Also, if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee! If you would prefer to read Rehab on Archive, you may do so right HERE!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. / rehab masterlist 2. chapter 34 / chapter 35 / chapter 36 / chapter 37

"How are you feeling now?"

The room felt crowded; the walls starting to close in on her as she sat on the bed in front of her. Her legs were crossed, posture relaxed despite the professional gait she seemed to consistently carry; notebook in her lap. Her eyes were ever-observing, taking in every little thing about her.

Though, (Y/n) was doing the exact same. She was aware of what Raynor was trying to do: making herself look comfortable and laidback to make (Y/n) put her guard down, but (Y/n) wasn't one to fall for tricks so easily.

(Y/n) was sitting back in the chair at Steve's temporary desk, her crochet bag protectively behind her. Her eyes were staring down Raynor, taking in every detail and profiling her from her posture down to the way a piece of her hair was framing her face. She was tense; an uncomfortable feeling settling into her as (Y/n) and Raynor stared each other down.

Bucky was standing against the wall, his arms crossed as he quietly gazed between the two of them. On the outside, it seemed as though the two women were trying to size each other up despite that not being the case. Though, to Bucky, it was a bit funnier to think of it like that.

(Y/n) seemed to look uncomfortable, and Bucky wondered if it was because of Raynor's question or from being in her presence at all. His lips curled into a thin line, and he glanced at Raynor. She was paying the man no mind, her focus on (Y/n), and he almost rolled his eyes when Raynor clicked her pen and began to write. (Y/n) watched her with a furrowed brow, and she finally spoke up quietly.

"I feel...confused."

Raynor nodded, asking her further as she tilted her head to the side, pausing her writing as she regarded the woman with an inquisitive look on her face.

"Alright, that's a start. Why do you feel confused?"

(Y/n)'s lips curled into a thin line as her eyebrows furrowed deeply, the woman becoming silent for a pregnant pause before she murmured.

"The memories...and voices....I don't know if they are real or...what HYDRA...programmed...I was born into HYDRA."

Bucky felt his mood drop, a sense of melancholy and sympathy coming over him, and there was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to tell (Y/n) the complete truth. However, the man stayed quiet, feeling equally horrible as he did. Raynor continued to write as she conducted the evaluation, (Y/n) watching as she wrote, and she murmured.

"Rebecca would write with me."

Raynor paused, and Bucky felt his heart jump a little in his chest. Raynor asked, raising her brow slightly.

"Rebecca? Who is Rebecca?"

(Y/n) glanced at Bucky, and Bucky nodded to her subtly. (Y/n) then looked back at Raynor and stated.

"My friend."

Raynor hummed, shaking her head a little bit.

"I'm going to need a bit more than that, (Y/n). In order me to help you, I need you to be as open and honest with me as possible. You don't have to tell me everything immediately, but remembering things is important and needs to be noted."

HYDRA does not tolerance defectiveness.

(Y/n) winced at the thought, and Raynor paused, squinting her eyes for a moment. She observed (Y/n) and the way she was fidgeting; her fingers rubbing and pulling at her other hand, her toes curling and uncurling, the way her eyes were darting to the floor and the wall as if she was looking for another escape route. She was worried; apprehensive and uncomfortable.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me, nobody is going to force you to."

(Y/n) bit her lip before closing her eyes, and she shakily sputtered out.

"M-My friend...Rebecca...she...she was pretty in the sunlight. She was th....Bucky's Rebecca."

Bucky looked at Raynor when Raynor gave him a subtle look of surprise, and he explained.

"Her Aunt Mavis lived in Shelbyville, and when (Y/n) visited there for the summer, she met Rebecca. Rebecca and Mavis were churchgoers."

Raynor hummed, nodding, and she looked at (Y/n) again.

"Interesting, if not coincidental. (Y/n), do you remember your Aunt Mavis?"

(Y/n) shook her head, humming.

"No. I...think I remember her voice...but...I only know her through...through my picture."

Raynor nodded before she asked carefully.

"Would you be open to showing me these pictures?"

"Нет!" (no!)

Raynor and Bucky were both surprised by the hiss, (Y/n)'s fingers clenching as she turned towards the crochet bag and held it close. Raynor hummed softly, writing again, and she uncrossed her legs in order to sit much more comfortably.

"It's okay, (Y/n), nobody is going to take those from you. I just wanted you to tell me about them and what they meant to you."

(Y/n) shook her head, her eyes filled with tears as her lips curled back and bared her teeth.

"I...I don't know what they mean...but they're mine...I know it. I....I know they are."

The fact that she could acknowledge that the memories were hers was good progress, and Bucky began to feel much more hopeful. His shoulders relaxed, and he looked at Raynor for silent permission. Raynor nodded to him once, and Bucky carefully sat down next to (Y/n).

Although she didn't realize it, (Y/n) relaxed a bit, glancing at Bucky, and Bucky comforted her gently and placed his flesh hand against her arm softly.

"It's okay, (Y/n). You don't have to be afraid. If you don't want to talk about them, then you don't have to."

"I...don't want them to be taken again."

She looked sad and frightened, (Y/n)'s pupils constricted, and Bucky shook his head.

"Nobody is going to take them. They'd have to go through me first."

His lips twitched into a small and teasing smile, testing the waters, and (Y/n) asked him softly.

"You would...fight...for me?"

Bucky immediately nodded.

"Without question."

(Y/n) looked stupefied by his words, and Raynor quietly observed while writing as (Y/n) spoke softly.

"Even...even if I don't deserve it?"

Suddenly, Germany came into Bucky's mind, the Avengers all pitted against one another and how many of them had fought for him. Bucky took a deep breath, and he replied.

"It doesn't matter if you don't deserve it or not. You're a person at the end of the day, and what happened...it wasn't your fault. It was HYDRA. You were a victim...just like I was."

His words were short and to-the-point, but they were effective enough to have (Y/n) relaxing her hold on the crochet bag filled with snippets of her life. (Y/n) pulled back slightly, glancing down at the bag for a pregnant pause, and she slowly took out of the tin box. Rubbing her scarred fingers along the lid, (Y/n) murmured softly again.

"I...I don't want them to be taken."

"Nobody is ever going to take them from you again. I promise."

Bucky's voice was firm enough to make (Y/n) look at him, and she believed him. His conviction was easy to see, his blue eyes serious and facial expression contorted into one of determination. Bucky looked as though he was ready to fight at any moment, and it made (Y/n) surprised yet comforted at the fact that it was for her.

He was willing to fight for her. To protect her memories and keep her from HYDRA.

(Y/n) clenched her jaw, unable to look at him anymore, and she turned back around in her seat, holding onto the tin box tightly. She was trembling slightly, almost afraid to show them, and Raynor glanced down at the old, weathered tin.

It was a Huntley and Palmer biscuit tin with a printed picture of the painting of Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind by Jean-Léon Gérôme on the lid. There were gold accents that were tarnished all around the side, a yellowed piece of tape on the side that had (initials) etched on the side in beautiful calligraphy, and there were a few dents in the side.

(Y/n) was clutching the box with apprehension, and when she hesitated, Raynor shook her head slightly.

"You don't have to show me if you don't want to. These memories are extremely important to you, especially since HYDRA would take them away from you often. It's a pretty big deal that you have these, so I understand if you're not ready. You can show me whenever you are, (Y/n). There's no right or wrong answer to this."

(Y/n) looked down at the tin, thinking for a moment. The silence in the room was heavy, blanketing over the trio like weights upon their shoulders, and (Y/n) whispered.

"I...haven't seen all of them...but I know they're mine."

Raynor encouraged gently.

"That's good that you know that. It means that you're really starting to get a grasp on those memories and your identity."

(Y/n) swallowed thickly before she carefully opened the tin. She set aside the two pictures that her and Bucky had seen before, and Bucky leaned over a bit to look at the new one that had been hidden beneath.

It was a black and white photo, (Y/n) looking to be a toddler. She was wearing a cute sundress and sunhat, boots on her feet as she stood in the garden. She was pointing down at a flower that had a butterfly sitting upon the petals, and a look of awe was on her face. Doris was behind her, hands on her arms to steady (Y/n), a wide smile on her face.

(Y/n) frowned as she looked at the picture. There was no memory that was attached to it, no recognition nor any feeling or emotion that overcame her. To (Y/n), it was just another picture, and so she placed it to the side almost carelessly; immediately disinterested.

The next image was another black and white photo, but this time, it was of Doris, (Y/n), and Robert at the beach. (Y/n)'s eyes widened at the sight of Robert's face, and her body tensed up. Horror reflected within her eyes as she looked at the picture, and she stared deep into Robert's eyes.

Although there was a smile on his face, even (Y/n) could see the annoyance and indignation within his cruel eyes. His arm was not around Doris nor (Y/n) within the picture, and (Y/n) found it to be odd. Doris, however, looked happy to be there with (Y/n), holding the toddler on her hips with a large smile and pretty sunglasses on her face.

Despite this, however, (Y/n) couldn't take her eyes off of Robert. She whispered shakily, clutching the picture tightly.

"It's...it's him....my...my father....I remember."

The face filled in the last mannequin in her mind, and the memories began to come to complete life. His angry face when she scared him while in his office, the redness his skin adopted when he was yelling and throwing things around, and the shine of violence that always accompanied his cruel (e/c) eyes.

(Y/n)'s jaw clenched, and a strange feeling of anger began to fill her. White hot rage coursed through her boiling veins, her face darkening the more she began to remember his face. The anger coloring her face in a shadow of darkness made Bucky and Raynor become tense, and (Y/n) clenched her fists tightly.

She stood up, trembling almost violently, and her eyes filled with tears as she glared down at the picture. Her nostrils flared, and she hissed out.

"Я его ненавижу. Я его ненавижу!" (i hate him. i hate him!)

(Y/n) tore him from the picture, allowing the half with her and Doris to fall to the ground as she tore the half of Robert with her hands and teeth, spitting out the bitten pieces out before violently stomping on them as they fell to the ground. Cracks appeared beneath her stomped foot, and she clenched her fists tightly as (Y/n) tried to breathe.

Raynor nor Bucky didn't say anything, just watched with surprise and clinical interest as (Y/n) lashed out. Raynor was writing the whole time, taking her notes, but Bucky was just in awe as he watched (Y/n). She was leaning over now, her eyes squeezed shut as she remembered; hands on her head, and Raynor's voice made her eyes snap open.

"(Y/n), why do you hate him?"

(Y/n) stood up, spinning around and raising her voice, pointing her finger at Raynor.

"I...I hate him! He was...unkind...he would...hurt me and Momma! He would come into my room at night...when Momma was in bed. He would lock the door...and tell me to be good and what I was doing was for a good cause."

(Y/n)'s eyes were wild, and she squeezed her eyes shut again as the tears came down her dampening cheeks. The memories were hitting her hard, shooting fast and hard like bullets, and she was unable to keep the images of the abuse out of her mind.

Why? Why does she have to remember this? Why are they making her?

"I don't want to remember this."

(Y/n) shook her head, clutching at her temples, and when Bucky tried to get up to comfort her, Raynor held her hand out to Bucky with a frown.

"James, what did I say?"

Bucky frowned heavily, giving Raynor a dirty look before slowly sitting back down. Raynor was writing again, and she looked up at (Y/n), who was swaying in place; hands still clutching her temples and eyes squeezed shut.

"(Y/n), can you tell me what you see?"

Hands on her, those horrible eyes, that sneer on his lips, the forbidden sensations of cruelty and twisted hatred as he would stick the needles into her arm while forcing her to stay quiet. (Y/n) whimpered softly.

"He would...use needles...take my blood, inject me with things that...that made me tired. Drugs...I don't know why. I...I don't remember what would happen after...but the needles..."

Her voice trailed off, and an image of Robert forcefully stabbing a needle into her when she was crying too loudly came to her mind, and (Y/n) shook her head furiously. The memory went away, and (Y/n) stood up, holding her arms to her chest as she scrunched her face up into an expression of discomfort. Raynor nodded along as she spoke, and then she hummed.

"Alright, let's move on then. (Y/n), have you ever had coffee before?"

(Y/n) was taken back by the question, not having expected it, and Bucky glanced at Raynor, knowing exactly what she was doing.

Distract them from the situation and the panic. Ask them a question that will force them to think of something else.

"Coffee? I...I don't know."

Raynor glanced at Bucky, asking him.

"James, would you be so kind as to get some coffee?"

Bucky nodded, and (Y/n) looked at him with a slightly worried look on her face. Bucky murmured comfortingly.

"I'll be back in a little while."

(Y/n) slowly nodded as she stood awkwardly, and when Bucky left the room, Raynor gestured for (Y/n) to sit down. After some hesitation, (Y/n) sat down and placed her hands into her lap; trepidation causing her fingers to tremble.

Now that Raynor and (Y/n) were alone, Raynor could see just how uncomfortable and...confused...(Y/n) seemed. To Raynor, it seemed as though (Y/n) didn't know a single thing about life outside of HYDRA despite the programming being gone, and she clicked her pen once and twice.

"(Y/n), do you remember things often?"

(Y/n) pursed her lips, frowning slightly as she took a moment to think.

"Sometimes...I dream about...things. Other times, I remember...when hearing music, or the pictures."

Raynor nodded and she asked, sitting back in her seat while tilting her head.

"Earlier, you mentioned your Aunt Mavis. Do you remember your uncle?"

The memory of Christmas came up, and the man that had been in the memory, Uncle Bobby, came to mind.

"I think I had an uncle named Bobby."

Raynor nodded as she jotted it down in her book before (Y/n) continued to speak.

"The picture...of Christmas. It's the only thing I remember of him. Bucky said that the feeling I had when I was looking at it was me missing them."

Raynor looked at (Y/n) for a moment, simply listening as (Y/n) described the memory to her, and when (Y/n) was finished, Raynor closed her book and said.

"I think that it's good that you're making such good progress, (Y/n). I want to ask you a question, and it's okay if you don't know the answer just yet, but what are your goals for us working together? What do you want me to do for you as a therapist?"

(Y/n) pursed her lips into a thin line, frowning deeply. She hadn't really considered what the goal for therapy was. The conversation with Steve and Bucky came to her mind, and she murmured.

"I...want to make amends...and...make things right."

"What do you mean by 'make things right'?"

(Y/n) swallowed, but before she could answer, Bucky came back into the room with a tray of cups and a pair of big pitchers. The smell of coffee began to fill the room, and Bucky set the tray down on the table beside (Y/n). Pouring three cups, Bucky asked Raynor.

"Coffee as black as your soul, or are you not that evil?"

Raynor rolled her eyes before stating.

"One cream, two sugars."

Bucky nodded, making her cup before handing it to her. Raynor thanked him, and Bucky looked at (Y/n) with a slight smile.

"Do you want one?"

(Y/n) looked apprehensive before asking.

"Am I allowed to?"

Bucky looked taken back and he reassured her.

"Yes, you don't have to have permission to have coffee. Here, I'll make one for you. You seem like a 'coffee with your milk' kind of gal."

He poured a bunch of creamer into one of the cups before handing it to her, and (Y/n) gingerly took the cup. Allowing the warmth of the cup to spread through her palms, her back subconsciously relaxed.

Sniffing it slightly, (Y/n) took an experimental sip before glancing at Bucky and Raynor. Bucky sat down, his coffee completely black, and Raynor took a large sip of her coffee.

"Let's circle back. What do you mean by 'make things right,' (Y/n)?"

Bucky immediately glanced at (Y/n) as the woman stared into her coffee. Rubbing the rim of the cup quietly, (Y/n) murmured.

"I...I hurt a lot of people...and I remember the pain, the blood...the girl."

Her eyes became glassy, nostrils flaring, and she swallowed thickly.

"I...don't want to do that again. I want...I want to....do good."

Raynor nodded slightly, clarifying gently.

"So, from what you're telling me, you want to 'make things right' because you're feeling guilty about what you've done."

Guilty? Is that what this heavy sensation in her chest was? (Y/n) looked perturbed for a moment, tilting her head slightly before she whispered.

"Is that what this feeling is? Every...every time I think about them...about the things that I did...there's this heavy feeling that sits on me. It...It makes me feel bad."

Raynor nodded before explaining.

"Guilt can manifest in many different ways, and for someone that wasn't allowed to feel emotions, it can be pretty heavy and scary. I think that one thing that would help you to understand these emotions that you are feeling is to write them down. Every emotion that you feel, write it down and describe it."

(Y/n) was listening closely, nodding along as she listened to Raynor's instructions. Raynor reached into her bag and handed (Y/n) a blank notebook, stating.

"So, what I want you to do for right now is to journal everything. Any time you feel a new emotion that you're having a hard time understanding, any new memories, or even just about what's going on: write it down, and I'll read what you've written next week."

(Y/n) frowned, asking as she looked up at the woman.

"You...won't stay?"

Raynor shook her head, looking genuinely upset by the notion as she replied.

"I can't. I have other clients that I need to see as well, but King T'Challa has been very generous and stated that for our visits, one of the members of the Dora Milaje will retrieve me so that we can make the most out of our time together."

(Y/n) nodded, and Raynor stood after finishing her coffee. Clutching her bag close, she glanced at Bucky with a harder expression.

"Your turn. Let's go, Barnes."

Bucky looked ready to protest, and Raynor frowned deeply, cutting him off with a finger in the air.

"I don't want to hear it. Conference room, James."

Bucky grumbled to himself before he gave (Y/n) an exasperated look.

"She's such an opportunist."

(Y/n) winced out an awkward smile before taking a sip of her coffee, and Bucky sighed, standing as Raynor began to tap her foot against the ground. When they left the room, (Y/n) turned around and set the notebook onto the table. Spying one of Steve's pens that he had left out, she slowly grabbed it.

The feeling of the pen in her hand was strange and almost foreign, but there was a comforting feeling that began to settle in her chest as she opened the notebook. Writing into the first page, (Y/n) pursed her lips. After a moment of hesitation, (Y/n) began to write.

'Journal Entry #1,

My name is (Y/n) (L/n).'

-

STORY NOTES: The scene opens up to Raynor, (Y/n), and Bucky all together as Raynor conducts her evaluation once more. Raynor begins to investigate (Y/n)'s feelings and the way that she feels, and (Y/n) tells Raynor that Rebecca would write with her. When Raynor inquires about Rebecca, Bucky reveals that (Y/n) Aunt Mavis knew Rebecca through church back in the day. When Raynor asks if (Y/n) remembers her Aunt Mavis, (Y/n) responds that she only remembers her voice and the picture that she has of Mavis. Raynor asks if (Y/n) would be open to showing her these pictures, and (Y/n) lashes out protectively. Raynor comforts (Y/n) by telling her that nobody was going to take the pictures and journals from her, but that she just wanted her to tell about them and what they meant to (Y/n). (Y/n) tells Raynor that she doesn't know what they mean to her, but she knows that the memories are hers. When (Y/n) reveals that she is afraid that her memories will be taken again, Bucky reassures her that nobody will ever take them from her again. (Y/n) is surprised by this, and when she asks if Bucky would really fight for her like that, Bucky confirms without hesitation.

(Y/n) inquires if he still would even if she didn't deserve it, and Bucky begins to reminisce about Germany (Captain America: Civil War), and he replies that it didn't matter if she deserved it or not because she was a victim, just like he had been. When (Y/n) repeats that she doesn't want her memories to be taken again, Bucky is firm as he tells her that nobody will ever wipe her mind again. (Y/n) then begins to contemplate showing some of the pictures to Raynor, and Raynor reassures her that she doesn't have to show them if she doesn't want to because Raynor understands how important they are to (Y/n). Opening the tin, she sets aside the first two pictures that her and Bucky have already seen, and the new picture is of (Y/n) as a toddler while in the garden with Doris. When no memory surfaces because of this picture, (Y/n) moves on. The next picture is of Doris, (Y/n), and Robert while at the beach. When (Y/n) sees Robert's face, she begins to have a panic attack as the memories of the male mannequin finally comes to life. She begins to tear the picture up with rage as she begins to cry, and she begins to repeat how she hates him.

When Raynor inquires about why, (Y/n) reveals that she remembers how Robert would hurt her and Doris. She also reveals that Robert would come into her room at night to conduct experiments; drugging her to make her sleep as Robert experimented. (Y/n) then says that she doesn't want to remember, and when Bucky tries to comfort her, Raynor immediately reprimands him. Bucky reluctantly listens, and Raynor asks (Y/n) to tell her what she sees. (Y/n) describes that she can see him taking her blood and injecting her with things, and she remembers an incident where Robert abused her with the needle for being too loud. In order to distract her from the memory, Raynor asks (Y/n) if she's ever had coffee before.

The tactic works, and Raynor asks Bucky to go get some coffee when (Y/n) responds that she isn't sure. When Bucky leaves, Raynor begins to fully evaluate (Y/n). She notices how uncomfortable and confused the woman seemed, and makes note that she doesn't seem to know a single thing about life outside of HYDRA. She asks (Y/n) if she remembers things often, and (Y/n) replies that she sometimes dreams, but will also remember while listening to music or looking at the pictures. Raynor then asks (Y/n) about her uncle, and (Y/n) tells her that she doesn't remember much of her Uncle Bobby, but tells Raynor that Bucky told her that the feeling she had while looking at the picture was the feeling of 'missing' someone or something. Raynor notes this before asking (Y/n) what her goals for therapy are, and (Y/n) tells her that she wants to 'make things right'. Although Raynor asks for clarification, Bucky comes back with the coffee and interrupts the moment.

After Bucky gives everyone coffee, Raynor circles back to her question, and (Y/n) answers that she remembers how she hurt a lot of people, and remembers the little girl that she had to kill to ensure complete secrecy for HYDRA. She states that she doesn't want to do that again and that she wants to be good. Raynor then clarifies that the reason she wants to do good is because she feels guilty, and (Y/n) becomes surprised that the feeling has a name. (Y/n) reveals that every time she thinks of the people she hurt, she feels that sensation, and Raynor instructs (Y/n) to write down these feelings as she feels them to help her get an understanding of them. She further instructs that she wants (Y/n) to journal everything that she experiences: new feelings, new memories, or anything that happens. She tells (Y/n) that she would read them next week, and (Y/n) is surprised to hear that Raynor will not be staying in Wakanda. When (Y/n) inquires about this, Raynor tells (Y/n) that she has other clients that she has to help, but that T'Challa would assist in her journey to Wakanda so they can have as much time together as possible.

The session with (Y/n) closes, and Raynor takes this opportunity to spring a session onto Bucky, and though Bucky tries to protest, Raynor does not give him an opportunity to. When the two of them leave the room, (Y/n) immediately begins to write, a feeling of familiar comfort coming over her as she writes. End Scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

Я его ненавижу. Я его ненавижу - I hate him. I hate him.

TAGLIST: @mggslefttit @softpia @thebl00dwyrm @buckvoidsyy @chonkybonky @seemsxsketchy @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @mgchaser @aash3 @samfunko @seventeen-x @valckenaux @babybeeelle @sc4rrc @cjand10 @bane-y-zane @notsostrangerthing @thenameswinter99 @bumblebeebutter @torntaltos @highhopes1008

[pankowcrumbs]

I was told pregnancy might be fatal for me.

Can I ask for Joseph Quinn x reader where she has same situation and he knows? He notices she's not well so he suggests doctor visit. Few weeks later she tell him she's pregnant and he is terrified so he suggests abo*tion, but she confess it's already too late, because she made her mind and decided to tell him when it'd be already too late. She comforts him and says she'll be fine. Labour day comes, she has complications but everything turns out ok.

We could lose everything X Joseph Quinn

MasterList

Joseph Quinn Masterlist

Stranger Things and Cast Masterlist

Trigger warning: mention of abortion and death.

They always said I’d never be able to carry a child.

Doctors. Specialists. That one particularly insensitive consultant who’d read my file like it was a death sentence rather than a person’s future.

My insides, apparently, weren’t built for it. Something to do with scarring, my blood pressure, a tangle of complications that could if things went wrong kill me.

So we didn’t try. Joseph and I had always been cautious. Careful. We’d talked about adoption, surrogacy, even made peace with the idea of it being just the two of us. That was our plan.

Until it wasn’t.

It started subtly.

I was tired all the time. Nauseous in the mornings. Moody...God, so moody. At first, I thought it was the stress of work. Joseph noticed before I did.

“Love,” he said one evening, as I slumped onto the sofa, too exhausted to kick off my shoes, “you’ve not been yourself lately.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered.

He gave me a look. That one raised brow, all concern and quiet disbelief.

“I’m serious. You should see someone. Just in case.”

I rolled my eyes, but even I couldn’t deny something felt… off.

So I went. Alone. I didn’t want to drag him into it if it turned out to be nothing.

But it wasn’t nothing.

It was everything.

I stared at the pregnancy test on the counter in the clinic bathroom, heart pounding so hard I thought it might crack my ribs. Two lines. Clear as day.

Pregnant.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream. I just… froze.

Because in that moment, I knew with terrifying clarity that this wasn’t just a surprise.

It was a risk.

And I’d already made my decision.

I waited three weeks to tell him.

Not because I didn’t trust him. But because I needed the time. To process. To check in with my doctors. To brace myself.

He came home one night, all rain-slicked and tired from shooting, and I was sat on the bed, hands shaking, the scan photo tucked into my lap.

“Y/N?” he asked, instantly alert. “What’s happened?”

I looked up. “I need to tell you something.”

He didn’t sit. Just stared. Waiting.

“I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widened. Then he sat. Hard. Like his knees had given out.

“What?”

“I know,” I said quickly. “I know it’s a shock. I didn’t plan it. We didn’t plan it. But it’s real.”

He was silent. Not just quiet silent. Like someone had cut the air out of the room.

“Y/N… You can’t.”

“I know.”

“You can’t,” he repeated, voice rising with panic. “It’s not safe.”

“I know.”

“Then we have to... We have to end it. Right? There’s still time, we can..."

“There’s not,” I interrupted gently.

He froze.

“I waited to tell you,” I admitted, voice trembling. “Because I knew what you’d say. And I needed you to hear it when it was already too late to change my mind.”

He looked stricken. “How could you do that?”

“Because I need you to trust me,” I said. “I’ve spoken to the doctors. Every week. I’m monitored constantly. It’s high risk, yes, but it’s not impossible.”

“But if something happens to you..."

“Then it happens,” I said quietly. “But this is my choice. And I’ve made it.”

Tears welled in his eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” I whispered. “I promise.”

He pulled me into him then, arms around me so tight I could barely breathe. His cheek pressed to my temple. I felt his tears against my skin.

“You’re braver than I am,” he murmured.

“No,” I said. “I’m just stubborn.”

He laughed wet and broken and kissed the top of my head. “Whatever happens,” he whispered, “we do it together. Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Pregnancy was hard.

There were mornings I couldn’t get out of bed. Days my blood pressure spiked so high the hospital kept me overnight. Weeks when I swelled like I was carrying triplets and Joseph would rub my feet and make me laugh just to distract me from the pain.

He was there. Every step.

He read parenting books cover to cover. Learned how to cook meals I could stomach. Installed a bloody car seat two months early because, in his words, “I’d rather be prepared than panic with a spanner at 3AM.”

He kissed my bump every night before bed, whispered secrets to the baby like they’d already made a pact behind my back.

He was terrified. I saw it in the way he watched me. The way he hovered when I stood too fast. The way he whispered “please be okay” against my back when he thought I was asleep.

But he never ran.

Labour hit like a freight train.

Early. Fast. Complicated.

I was barely 36 weeks. We were in the kitchen, and I dropped my tea mug mid-contraction. Joseph turned white as a sheet.

I was rushed in. Monitors beeped like alarms. Midwives rushed. Doctors murmured in clipped, efficient tones.

Joseph never let go of my hand.

“Breathe,” he said, over and over, like a mantra. “I’ve got you. Just breathe.”

Then everything stopped.

My vision blurred. The beeping grew frantic. Nurses shouted for oxygen. A doctor said something about losing blood pressure.

And Joseph his voice broke. “Please don’t take her take me instead, take me, take me."

I fought to stay awake. Fought to hold on.

And then

A cry.

Sharp. Piercing. The sound of life.

“Baby’s out!” someone shouted. “She’s stable keep her steady”

I slipped into darkness before I could even see my child’s face.

I woke up hours later.

The world was soft and blurry, like cotton wool had been stuffed into my ears and stitched behind my eyes.

Joseph was there.

Eyes red. Face tear-stained. Holding the tiniest bundle of blankets I’d ever seen.

“She’s perfect,” he whispered.

“She?”

He smiled. “A little girl.”

I cried then. Silent tears. Overwhelming love. Relief.

“You scared the hell out of me,” he murmured, brushing hair from my face.

“Sorry.”

He kissed my forehead. “Don’t be. You’re here. She’s here. That’s all that matters.”

I reached out, hand trembling, and he placed her in my arms.

Tiny. Warm. Real.

“I love you,” I whispered to her, then looked up at Joseph. “Both of you.”

He blinked fast. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“No,” I smiled. “I’m just the luckiest.”

He leaned down and kissed me, soft and slow.

“We’re a family now,” he said.

[lucydixon]

Begging for Forgiveness

Summary: After cutting out on a date to go help Leff despite having promised you a full night of his attention, you're left feeling hurt and abandoned. Mikey comes crawling back in the middle of the night, begging for forgiveness. Warning: Begging, Oral Fem!Receiving unprotected P in V, Angst. As I often do when writing Mikey, I got a little carried away with the buildup and accidentally made this like 3k words long. Oops! (I'm not even a little sorry)

The two of you were at the bar, on a much-needed date after weeks of Mike running all over the place for Leff, leaving you feeling neglected and then huffy whenever he did manage to sneak away for long enough to see you, never for more than a few hours at a time.

You were having a great time and had been all over eachother for most of the night, enjoying your time together, when his phone started going off. 

He ignored it the first three times it rang, but then the texts started and didn’t stop. 

You groaned when he finally picked it up and looked at the screen, immediately deflating. 

“Baby, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go,” Mike muttered, looking up at you with a grimace. 

“You can’t just tell him to leave you alone?” You whined, wrapping yourself around his arm when he shook his head apologetically. “Mikeyyyy, please? You promised me you wouldn’t run off tonight?” 

“I have to,” he sighed, kissing the top of your head. “I’m sorry, Angel. I really am. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” 

“This was supposed to be you making up for it,” you scoffed sadly, letting go of him so you could grab your coat. “He only treats you like this cause you let him, you know.”

“That’s not fair, he’s family-” He started, following you towards the door with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. 

“Yeah, yeah.” You waved him off,  stepping out into the cool night air without turning back to look at him. “I get it, Mike. He’s family. I’m not.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” He rushed after you, grabbing at your wrist before you could storm off. “Please, baby. You can’t be mad at me for this. It’s work stuff.” 

“I’m not mad.” You looked up at him finally, your eyes full of hurt, as you shrugged him off. “I’m just upset that my boyfriend can't clear a single night in his busy schedule to spend time with me.” 

“Angel-” He frowned, chest aching from the look on your face. 

“Whatever,” you muttered, pulling your jacket around you tighter as you turned to start walking home. “I guess I’ll see you when you have time for me, or something.”  

Mike groaned in frustration when his phone started ringing again. 

“What?” He spat into the receiver, barely listening to Leff's angry shouting. “Yeah, fuck you too asshole! I’m coming. Just give me a fucking minute.” 

He ended the call and slunk after you, leaving enough distance between the two of you to keep you in sight but leave you alone at the same time. He just had to make sure you got home okay. 

He could see you angrily swiping at your cheeks every few minutes and felt like dirt. 

He’d made you cry. 

He hated seeing you cry. 

He was the worst fucking boyfriend on earth. 

You deserved better, but fuck. He loved you. He loved you more than he’d ever loved anything in his entire life and he kept fucking it up. 

You shuffled up the stairs and into your apartment without looking over your shoulder at him, even though you knew he’d followed you. 

It only made you feel worse, really. 

He could be so fucking sweet sometimes. Most of the time, really, but what did it matter if he never made time to see you? If you never got to appreciate the sweet things he did, since you were always too busy soaking up whatever scraps of his attention he was able to give you. 

You’d fucked maybe twice in the last two weeks and both times had been relatively quick, in between errands for Leff. 

You’d been so excited to go out with him and had spent hours getting ready just for him to cut out half way through. 

It made you feel cheap and unwanted. 

It wasn’t until hours later that Mike was cut loose, only a hundred dollars richer than he’d been when he’d skipped out on your date. 

The pitiful payout only made him feel worse. 

He’d wasted time he could’ve spent with you for a hundred dollars and had nothing more to show for it. He couldn’t take care of you with that kind of money. Couldn’t be the man you needed him to be, or buy you much more than a nice bunch of flowers on his way to go beg for your forgiveness. 

It was three in the morning, and despite knowing you’d be asleep, Mike made his way across town to your apartment anyway and let himself in with the key you’d given him. 

A clear sign of trust when he couldn’t even give you his time, and here he was, letting himself in when he was pretty sure you didn’t want him there. 

You woke with a start to the sound of dishes clanging around in the kitchen and shot up in bed, wide-eyed and breathing heavily. 

You glanced over at your alarm clock and blinked at it. 

The sound of the sink being turned on pulled you out of bed. 

You were pretty confident that it was Mike out there and not a burglar grabbing themselves a glass of water. You padded out into the hall and stood in the kitchen doorway for a moment watching him stumble around in the dark before flicking the lightswitch on. 

Mike froze, eyes darting over to your unamused face and defensive posture. 

“Can I help you?” Your voice was raspy, still thick with sleep. “I didn’t give you a key so you could break in and make a mess of the kitchen at this hour, you know.” 

“I was just-” He gestured wildly to the flowers and the vase he was obviously trying to put them in before deflating. “I’m sorry.” 

You eyed the nice arrangement of flowers, clocking that he had actually picked ones you liked, and not just whatever premade bouquet they were selling at the nearest bodega. 

“Whatcha got there?” There was no hiding the interest in your tone.

It flooded him with hope that he could salvage this mess. 

“They’re for you!” He rushed to hold them up so you could see them better. “They weren’t easy to find at this hour, but I got your favourites.” 

“Hmm.” You hummed, gnawing on your bottom lip for a moment, contemplating. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” He questioned, slumping over in premature relief, “Okay, what?” 

“Okay, you can finish putting them in the vase.” You nodded decisively before turning on your heel and disappearing down the hall and into your bedroom. 

Mike sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face roughly in frustration. 

He’d ruined everything. 

Leff was right. Who was he kidding? 

Everything he touched went to shit. He was kidding himself to think that he could keep someone as wonderful as you happy. 

By the time he finished arranging the flowers in the vase, trying to come up with some way to fix it. To convince you to give him another chance, even though he didn’t deserve it, Mike was shaking. 

He glanced down the hallway and took note of the soft glow of a light on in your room, spilling out from under the door. 

It seemed to him like an invitation, so he prayed to every god out there and took it as one. 

You watched the door swing open slowly from the bed, propped up against the headboard, and watched Mike shuffle in, staring at the floor. 

When he finally looked up at you, his eyes bulged and his lips parted in shock. 

You were lounging in bed wearing nothing but a matching lacy red lingerie set. 

His favourite. 

Mike’s eyes raked up your body slowly, settling on the amused little smirk on your face. 

Oh fuck. 

He was lucky. 

So, so, fucking lucky. 

You were obviously willing to let him work for your forgiveness, and he planned on doing all he could to make it count. 

“Oh, Angel.” He breathed, staggering to the end of the bed to kneel on the floor. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” 

“Why are you thanking me, Mikey?” You asked, sounding as angelic as you looked.

“For not throwing me out.” his fingers dug into the sheets, desperate to touch you. “And for letting me make it up to you.” 

“I’m letting you try,” you corrected. “I still might throw you out. I haven’t decided yet.” 

“I can do it,” he muttered, looking desperate as he reached out to brush his fingers over the top of your foot, testing the waters to see if you’d let him touch you. 

He squeezed his eyes shut in relief when you did. 

“I’m gonna make it up to you.” His voice was shaky, but determined. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. I swear.” 

“Yeah?” You raised a brow, melting into the pillows. “How’re you gonna do that? Huh?” 

He scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket and made a show out of turning it off, showing you before hurling it out into the hall. 

You let out a startled laugh. 

“No interruptions.” He looked up at you.

“You know, I could always make myself feel good.” You pulled your foot out of his grasp and let your legs fall open, “Like I’ve been doing all alone lately while you’ve been out doing whatever it is you do out there.” 

His mouth filled with drool when you slipped your hand down the front of your panties, and your head fell back as a blissful moan left your throat. 

“I even got myself a little friend.” You panted, reaching into the nightstand with your free hand. “That’s how bad I’ve missed you.” 

“A friend?” The words were barely audible. 

“Mhmm,” You hummed, pulling out a small device, shaking with anticipation. 

“Take your clothes off.” You told him without looking away from the toy. 

He rushed to comply, shedding his layers and tossing them over his shoulder while watching, mesmerized as it joined your hand under your panties and a soft buzzing sound filled the air, closely followed by a low whine from deep in your throat. 

Mike cursed under his breath, returning to his place at the foot of the bed and draping his upper body over the mattress, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on behind the sheer fabric. 

You weren’t even looking at him, too busy focusing on the vibrations coursing through your clit while you sunk a finger into your dripping hole. 

“Let me help, Angel.” He breathed, but it came out whiny as his hips jutted forward, grinding his cock against the side of the mattress. 

“I don’t think I need your help.” You moaned, pumping your finger into yourself slowly. 

“Please?” Mike’s voice was strained. “I can make you feel better, I swear.” 

“You think you can do better?” You asked him, slowing your movements. 

“I know I can.” He nodded frantically. “Please, baby. Let me touch you. I’ll do so good.” 

You contemplated for a moment before glancing over at the clock. 

“If you make me cum in under two minutes, you can stay.” You told him, “That sound fair?” 

“I only need one,” he muttered, lunging forward to crawl up the bed and get your panties off. “Thank you, Angel. Thank you, thank you-” he cut himself off by diving face first in between your thighs. 

You gasped and immediately, your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging at the roots as your head fell back in bliss. 

He was eating you out like a man starved.

It was a little sloppy and frantic, but fuck. He sure knew what you liked. 

He was pulling out all the stops, too. Teasing your hole with a finger, letting his teeth brush up against your clit every so often and when he felt you starting to come undone, he slammed a finger into you and started pistoning it in and out of your cunt in time with his tongue’s movements until you were crying out and convulsing beneath him. 

He was right. 

He only needed the one minute. 

And he didn’t stop once you’d ridden out your high. 

“Fuck,” He whined into your folds, grinding his cock into the mattress, desperate for friction “Taste so fucking good, Angel. Let me keep showing you how sorry I am. Please?” 

“Mikey,” You whimpered, writhing on the bed. “Be gentle, I’m sensitive.” 

“From using your little friend?” He pulled back slightly to glance over at the still-buzzing device with disdain. “Hmm?” 

You nodded, propping yourself to look at him with your bottom lip trapped between your teeth. 

“You don’t need it anymore.” he met your gaze, trying to sound firm, but his eyes were full of insecurity. “You’ve got me.” 

“If you keep showing up for me, I won’t have to use it.” You told him seriously, still breathing heavily with a fist full of his hair, “I know you can take care of me, baby. You just need to be here to do it.” 

“I will be,” He promised, gripping your hips tightly, as if you’d get up and leave. “You’re the best thing I’ve got, Angel. Best thing I've ever had. I don’t wanna lose you, ever.”

“Then don’t.” There was something challenging in your gaze. “Put in the work and stop ditching your girlfriend if you want to keep her.” 

He had this kicked puppy look on his face as he nodded, and it was pulling at your heartstrings. 

“Okay,” You sighed, using the grip you had on his hair to guide him back between your legs. 

Mike sighed in relief and went back to eating you out, just as eagerly as he had before. 

Immediately, your eyes snapped shut, and your head fell back. A low groan tore it’s way out of your throat when he started tonguing your hole, nudging your clit with the tip of his nose. 

He kept whimpering and whining into your cunt, bucking his hips into the mattress, desperately wanting to fuck you but well aware that he didn’t deserve to and wouldn’t until you told him he could. 

He was so hard that it hurt. 

You were quickly chasing your second orgasm of the night, squirming while he kept your hips pinned in place. Mewling and crying with increasing frequency. 

“Mikey,” You panted “Shit Baby, right there. Don’t fucking stop, please.” 

He would never stop when you were about to cum, you knew it as well as he did but you were struggling more and more not to beg him to fuck you and needed to stroke his ego a little. 

His name was falling from your lips like a prayer as you approached your peak, and when you finally did come crashing over the edge, Mike eagerly lapped up the slick leaking out of your pulsating hole. 

“C’mere.” You muttered breathlessly, pulling his face up to yours so you could share a messy kiss. He happily scrambled to lie next to you and cradled your face in his big, warm hands. 

You could feel his rock-hard length pressing into your hip as he whimpered into your mouth. You swallowed the sound and decided to take pity on him and reward yourself for putting your foot down with him. 

“I need you to fuck me.” You whined, pulling back slightly to look at him. 

His breath hitched in his throat. 

“Really?” he sounded like he was waiting for you to tell him that it was just a cruel joke. “Can I?” 

“Need to feel you.” You nodded, draping one of your legs over his hip to give him easy access. 

You both shuddered when his tip grazed your glistening cunt. 

“Oh, thank you,” he breathed, lining himself up with your entrance before pressing forward and groaning loudly “Shit, Thank you Angel.” 

You inhaled sharply when he suddenly slipped in to the hilt, just completely unable to control himself. He was so beyond desperate that he couldn’t go slow even if he wanted to. 

Your nails dug into his biceps, and you buried your face in his neck, gasping and moaning softly as he rutted into you with long, deep strokes. 

“I love you.” He muttered, slowing down a little bit once he realised how rough he was being with you “So fucking much.” 

“I love you too, Mikey.” You pressed your lips to the bottom of his jaw before pulling back slightly to look into his eyes. “We’re gonna be okay,” 

“Yeah?” He whimpered 

“Yeah.” You nodded, rolling him onto his back, still buried inside you, so you could be on top. 

You rocked your hips back and forth and his hands immediately landed on them, guiding your movements while he stared at your still-clothed tits. 

Your bra was keeping them from bouncing too much, but fuck, they looked good under that red lace. 

Your head fell back in bliss as you rode him. Your clit was draging against the base of his cock every time you shifted and it was very quickly building you up to orgasm number three, which Mike seemed to pick up on immediately. 

He flipped you over suddenly and started slamming into you at a brutal pace so you could cum together. 

“Come on, Angel.” He panted in between thrusts, breathing raggedly into the crook of your neck “That’s it, cum with me.” 

You could feel his pace getting sloppy, but before you could focus on it too much, you were suddenly climaxing. You cried out, sinking your teeth into his shoulder as he let out a string of curse words, rambling into your skin about how much he loved you while he pumped you full of cum. 

He eventually slowed to a stop and rolled you on top of him so he could go slack without slipping out of your still-pulsating cunt. His arms were wrapped tightly around you, clutching you to his chest while you both came down from your highs. 

“Do-” Mike breathed after you’d both gotten yourselves together. “Do you want me to leave?” 

“No, Mikey.” You sighed into his chest before propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him. “I don’t want you to leave, baby.” 

“Are you sure?” he looked so uncertain, waiting for you to pull the rug out from under him now that the two of you were in a good place. It felt too good to be true. 

“Yeah,” You frowned, pecking him on the lips. “Nobody’s going anywhere. Okay? We’re just gonna go to sleep.” 

“Okay,” a little relieved smile tugged at his lips.

You moved to get off of him, but he just tightened his grip around you. 

“Can we just sleep like this?” He asked softly, cheeks warming slightly, “I just need to feel close to you.” 

“Yeah, baby.” You settled back on his chest happily, suddenly exhausted. “We can sleep like this.” 

Mike reached over to your nightstand and flicked off the lamp before kissing the crown of your head softly. 

“I love you,” he muttered. 

“I love you too, Mikey.” 

He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, until he was sure you were asleep, and silently thanked every god in the universe for your forgiveness before shutting his own eyes. 

Dividers made by @saradika-graphics

[bringbackmaes14]

I mean on top of:

- Major gender dysphoria

- Just kinda not wanting to be a parent in general

- Being scared of passing down my disabilities (neurological and genetic chronic health issues) to any hypothetical kids

- All Of The Generational Trauma Dating Back To My Great Grandparents On Both Sides Of My Family™

There's kinda also the fact that like. I'm kinda terrified that if I for some reason was able to and did choose to carry a pregnancy to term, giving birth might legitimately kill me or possibly paralyze me?

I mean, the idea of going through pregnancy with hEDS, POTS, and MCAS is bad enough. But my L4 and L5 vertebrae are fused to my sacrum with 2 titanium rods and 4 screws. When I broke my spine and it never healed on its own (requiring the 2 rods and 4 screws), they told me I was literally about 6 mm off from severing my spinal cord.

I don't need to play around with things pushing on my spine. Or my hips for that matter. Both my hips were also irreparably fucked up by that spinal surgery and I can only imagine that, even if I didn't give birth and had a C-section instead, the pregnancy itself would do even more damage to them.

And actually moving away from childbirth and focusing on the pregnancy aspect, I do not need to deal with morning sickness when I already get POTS nausea and also throwing up gives me migraines and migraines like 7 out of 10 times turn into me having seizures because of my PNES. And I don't need to deal with the swollen ankles because that's the joint that I sublux the most and that would just be... so much more fun 😑. And also the back pain? No thank you. And I'm missing a rib? I mean it's up by my neck, but who knows if what kinda support structure I'm working with given the hEDS and my missing rib and bad back and shoulders and hips. I also already have hypersomnia. I do not want to be anymore exhausted than I already am. Don't need it. No thanks. I already have to sleep at least 10 hours a day to feel rested please do not make it minimum 12.

So yeah my body is already kind of an all around dystopian nightmare and I already have trouble keeping my own body functioning let alone another body in my body and I don't wanna die. I am extremely terrified of being pregnant/giving birth.

And wouldn't you know it's just extra fun because we have multiple stories of first try/accidents/menopause babies in our family because the female born people are so fertile AND we have multiple sets of twins and triplets (including myself) so I get to be extra extra careful all the time 😭👍

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.