#but i am VERY good at yearning
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Craving warm soup, a visit from my f/o, and for them to pepper my face with kisses. I want them to hold me and take care of me, and I want them to giggle as I burn the soup on my tongue and then tell me they will kiss it better once I'm no longer sick.
#I'm yearning oh good grief I am YEARNING EVERYONE DONT MIND ME#I am sick#THAT IS ALL! OKAY!#baked potato soup.............................#COMFORT CHARACTER CENTRAL NATION IT IS AN EARLY AFTERNOON FILLED WITH SOFTNESS#when am I not being soft on this blog? never AHAHAHAHA#f/o imagine#comfort character imagines#self ship imagine#imagine your f/o#self ship imagines#f/o imagines#random tags lalallalaal because Tumblr bullied me and isn't showing my usual tags ok thank u very much!!!!!!!!!
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─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── "I am relieved to see you unharmed, my friend." "I pinky swore, didn't I?" "You did indeed." ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
#Nothing to see here just two very good friends sharing their first hug under the moonlight. (They're discussing matters of state)#im pretty sure at this rate we might move past yearning and longing by the end of endwalker and go straight to making up excuses to see#eachother#going right along schedule!#the slowest burn in the west#i am sure all their friends are absolutely done with this shit#cue thancred in the corner holding his hands up going “nowwww kiss”#wolmeric#ffxiv#aymeric de borel#aymeric x wol#ser aymeric#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv oc#ffxiv screenshots#It did not take me two hours to make a tol/smol hug pose#i don't know why anyone would think that#ajisaijar#ajisai x aymeric#gposejar#bingojar
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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I'm so sleepy and warm. If only there was someone to curl up next to me and rest their head on my chest as I held them close and we drifted off to sleep together
#loverboy rambles#nbla#nblm#nblnb#nblw#queer yearning#i am very tired rn idk how coherent this actually is but#I'm touch starved and wluld love to cuddle someone#I'm soft n warm and good at playing eith people's hair 🥺
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having an assignment where the whole topic is “is it worth it to suffer for art” is really making me think.
#tanz talks#it’s weird. i don’t believe suffering to achieve a nebulous greatness is good.#but i actively do it anyways. i sit here and i yearn to create and get recognition#as my hands ache and i lose sleep just to try and take time back#the process of creation has a cost. and it’s very small. but it adds up.#i am pulled apart by school and then work and then go back to my place where now i need dinner too#all while being disabled.#and i just. take time i shouldn’t take and make things.#because if i wasn’t making things and actively doing that#i would probably drop out of school or something i couldn’t handle it.#it’s not worth it to suffer. the system im in makes me suffer anyways.#whatever. i need to fix some things but i need the energy to do it first.#which is a problem.#but. i keep going so. yeah.
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seimei: it's not like we'll ever see each other again bye seimei: lmao can't believe you showed up after what you said
#netflix onmyoji#abe no seimei#minamoto no hiromasa#onmyojiedit#my gifs#utterly obsessed with some of the choices of the english dub#(not obsessed (derogatory) btw. legitimately obsessed)#the tiny change to have hiromasa ask if seimei is going to be like this 'all the time now.' implying that he's already planning their futur#is as the kids say#chefs kiss#i generally watch the subs but i am having fun checking out the dub for the scenes i gif#the subs seem to stick to a closer translation but i am very much enjoying some of the creative changes#yes the way they choose to format the names is distressing but whatever#anyway these scenes have so much in them#seimei goes from teasing flirting to 'bye cute nice guy lets talk never'#and then pretends the next time like it was hiromasa's idea the entire time#and hiromasa is so flustered he lets him get away with it#good stuff good stuff#missing scene fic where seimei doesn't show up on purpose because he's waiting hoping yearning for hiromasa to show up and ask him#also the adorable smile in the first gif i'm never over it
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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Bluza, Joker Out (translation by @grnpurplgrmln) // Lighthousekeeping, Jeanette Winterson // Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Jeanette Winterson // Maurice, E.M. Forster // The Price of Salt, Patricia Highsmith // Under the Udala Trees, Chinelo Okparanta
#joker out#bluza#i am on a mission to convince everyone that bluza is their queerest song yet#so here is a comparison with a load of queer literature#it really has the yearning that only gay people understand i hope that helps#not bothering tagging any of the books or authors lmao this is for a very specific audience#bluza is SO GOOD i have been listening to it on loop since it came out i am responsible for so many views on the jo subs yt video#putting it as the source because obviously that's where i got the lyrics from
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hey beloved mutual have you picked a fallen london ambition yet. if so which one is it. asking both out of curiosity and out of curiosity
OH!! I'm SO glad you asked bc I finally started the Heart's Desire ambition for Vaine :]
not very far along in it by any means- but I think he is going to have SO much fun with this ambition I feel like a desperate scramble to investigate and participate in the mysterious (and kinda sketchy) card game is just what he needs
though I think he is pretty annoyed at the moment, he is. not having a fun time trying to get all 77 of those first city coins. he is running out of criminal favors and does NOT like that fucking monkey
#nebbles talks#fallen london#the monkey makes him significantly nervous but he is tolerating it. for now#he also HATES how long this is taking but thats fine he needs to learn some patience anyways#im having a blast on the other hand. still trying to figure out how and/or where to get a lotta these items/favors#but i am having such a fun time with it :]#i feel like the epitome of the fl experience is if ur Silly Victorian Guy isnt having a good time then YOU absolutely are#like. we are putting this guy into SO many situations#but yeah! Hearts Desire looks like a lotta fun#and i think itll work very well for Vaine rp wise too#not that he can actually remember exactly WHAT he desires at the moment#but. the yearning. its there for suresies#and he'll do just about anything to fill that great big yearning void in his chest
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— Are you sure Burke wants to buy Collinwood? — Yes, he said so. I'm just afraid it's only the beginning of what he wants.
#76.#➤ roger collins & victoria winters & burke devlin. ┊ to know how it ends‚ and still begin to sing it again.#gifs.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#➤ roger collins. ┊ I and my ghosts want a drink.#➤ victoria winters. ┊ because she’s lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows.#➤ re: burke devlin. ┊ I am stranded in a hungerland of great prosperity.#I just think about Lou’s acting choices a lot.#the little pleading pout he gives her … the yearning after her... the fussing that she's talking to burke in the doorway...#and the way vicki holds eye contact with him ... hhhh.#and this is sandwiched between talking to her on the cliffs and taking her out to the blue whale !! (i think all the same day?)#it's just so... impactful. that this is blocked in the threshold.#lingering between burke and roger; the drawing room and foyer; pulled to either side by two versions of what happened ten years ago.#roger tugging (forcefully) at her loyalty to the collins family and her gratitude for giving her a home and family;#burke tugging her sympathies because he also wants a home; roots; a big house to raise his kids in — he's alone in the world like she is.#[heathcliff] is more myself than i am!#and you can see the realization on his face that should burke tug her too far;#roger's cord of communion will snap and he will take to bleeding inwardly.#vicki by nature of her character not only responds to truth with her favor — but; conversely; by giving her favor creates truth.#when she likes and trusts and wants to spend time w/ roger he fares very well: a breakfast date where she supplies him with an alibi —#a dinner date that covers up his perjury meeting. vicki's good opinion is indispensable for his survival —#the very minute he loses that — when she is certain he's bill's murderer — she turns on him and so does everyone else and he immediately#loses his freedom (albeit only temporarily held at the police station rather than 5 years in prison)#she's not literally taken laura's place with them — but it's remarkable how much her romantic intentions influence the outcome of that#decade-old case; in just the same way that laura choosing roger as her husband and supplying truth through her testimony lead to#burke's condemnation before. it's much the same game roger is playing at this point in the story (at a significant disadvantage#to last time; because he can't offer vicki — penultimate Good Girl — a ring)#vicki's heart; affection; attraction; tied up fundamentally in Justice. and her position as narrator#making it all the more compelling that she writes Truth as vicki is navigating who *very literally* holds the Pen.#burke's story or roger's story? burke's [redacted] or roger's [redacted]?
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To socialise or not to socialise, that is the question.
#Looked at two places I could move out to & they are complete opposite vibes in terms of socialableness#Both have roommates ofc but one gives me a lot more of my own space & it seems like I would barely have to interact with them at all#So I'd be left pretty much completely alone. Which is usually the dream#And ngl knowing the other people there would keep to themselves & have no interest in knowing me is especially relieving#Given the whole thing that pushed me to move out in the first place#The other has extremely small & cozy vibes. Owner's stuff all over the place#By cozy I do mean cluttered#The girl I met with there (not the person I'd be renting from) gave me a tour for five-ten mins#And then the next 30 mins-60 mins we spent chatting over tea#Someone more sociable than me might call it instant bestie vibes#Which. Has been something I've kind of very much been missing/yearning for irl I will admit#& from the sound of it the person subletting has the same vibes with her#She says he's 'interesting' and 'I'd like him'#From the combination of her description and the clutter I'm getting eccentric professor vibes#Which is generally a good vibe to me#But I am even more skittish of renting from someone t#Too sociable#After prev landlord#Though I want to trust othet tenant's vibe check. Because it might actually be very nice to have some kind of real life friends#It's also a very different kind of sociable than prev landlord#She was 'chatty and gets you to open up easily' sociable & it sounds like the other guy will be approximately the same#& also 'repeatedly assures you can ask her to stop if she's being too much' sociable. Which is always a relief#Meanwhile prev landlord was 'wants to know why you're not relaxed & tells you you should be without doing anything to help you be' sociable#'gets very pushy about finding time to talk/hang out' sociable#'teases you for being awkward' sociable#None of which were the real issue with him of course. But they didn't help & I can't help but see them as red flags in retrospect#I'm currently leaning towards 'to socialise' because it was a very cosy vibe & I do feel starved of irl friendship just a bit#But it could either be very good or very bad#& I don't want to risk very bad again#Anyway. This has been missives from a pizza shop I ducked into to charge my phone before I go back to being lost in a snowstorm
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Was tagged by @oceancamp to post my current five favorite songs! (They should invent a stages-of-grief-esque model that encompasses and accurately describes both types of anguish I had to go through making this list - the one of limiting myself to only five songs, and the one of trying to put as little videogame music on here as possible so that I don't end up looking like an absolute goddamn geek, which... I am... Oh well!)
Thank you so much for tagging me - here are the songs!
Heaven Pierce Her - War Without Reason
Tatsuro Yamashita - Love Space
This specific arrangement of Death And Republic + Meet Again
Winger - Junkyard Dog (Tears On Stone)
The Protomen - Light Up The Night
Is it courtesy to tag other people after you've been tagged in a post like this? If that's the case, I'll tag @spiralled-fury, @solradguy, @swamppossum, @five-by-five, @northstarring, @ineedmoredragons and @tbonechessor!
#logs#ya don't have to participate if you don't want to‚ from what i've gathered - it's all just for fun anyway :]#The link to Yamashita's song is actually a link to a website that hosts city pop songs‚ since those keep getting taken down on YouTube due#to the strictness of Japan's copyright laws with regards to music. Uploads of Yamashita's songs in particular get taken down quite#frequently... The rest are either Bandcamp or YouTube (in case of Junkyard Dog) links#Very out-of-character of me not to put a Кино song on here‚ haha#I had a hard time deciding whether to put HOLD BACK THE NIGHT or Light Up The Night here‚ but ultimately decided on Light Up The Night#because... hoo boy#okay storytime. i've known of the protomen since somewhere around 2021. got The Good Doctor in my recommended feed‚ clicked on it because#i thought the album cover was cool + the title was appealing‚ but i never really listened to anything theirs beyond that song after that.#fast forward to 2022. be me‚ watching the greatest videoessay on planet earth (Steak Bentley's Metal Gear Solid 4 Was A Mistake).#the fucking MONTAGE comes on‚ and I fall in love with my second Protomen song. second fast forward to 2023 going into 2024‚ finally got#around to playing the Violence update. i learn of the name of level 7-2. the widest‚ most mischievous grin appears on my face.#i enter the level‚ proclaim ''ULTRAKlLL IS NOW A STEAK BENTLEY REFERENCE'' and blast the song as i get my ass beat by every single thing in#that level.#and let me tell you. getting mollywhopped ten thousand times by the FUCKING GUTTERTANK TRIO AT THE END OF THE LEVEL WAS. not a pleasant#experience. but the song made it better. :) (i played the level before the balance patch came out and uh let's just say i had more deaths on#that level than on 2gabe and 1gabe. SEVENTY-FOUR. FUCKING. RESTARTS. JESUS /CHRIST/.#goodness how i yearn to make a 3d animation of v1 going through 7-4 with that song in the background as a tribute to the man himself but#alas i am a student who has everything in the world but time#thanks for the tag again!! ^^
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Greetings Starstruck enjoyers, I bring a fic that has been brewing in my head on and off for a couple months, hope you enjoy :]
#juniper will never realise reggie is taking him on pseudo dates i fear. i fear he is too deep in repressed feelings for that#however#i am VERY proud of this#it's rare that I feel I've captured something in my head and put it into words#idk i picture scenes so vividly and i can almost never articulate it#but i think i got it !!#i knoe the fandom is having an off season rn (ish) so this might not be seen much but idc im hyped abt this#god i love those two so much#so fucking much ouh#eventually ill get out of the writing thrm yearning and have them together#because oh my god i have so many more thoughtd about it i just get flustered LMAO#i will get to it one day though. i think there's something so good about this ship (they have 1 canon interaction (a voicemail))#sighs whistfully. schell games hear me out#[agent moose's writing]#ieytd#i expect you to die#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck
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me n my manager are gonna be alone at the office tomorrow after hours and she stunlocked me saying she's getting us dinner and to start thinking about what i want to eat with a lil ;) like ma'am... I'll answer the question but god can i be so fucking real with you right now 😩😵💫 i won't but i want her.. i haven't gotten to be with her in so long I'm kind of nervous (。ノω\。)
i know i won't need to be she is such a sweetie ♡ talking to her is like immediately being enveloped in warmth. ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ i am experiencing a whirlwind of emotions and really looking forward to tomorrow. I'm so happy she's back, i love her
#a coworker being a good friend of mine is complicated bc I'm SO different w my friends outside of work n am rly sweet to/w them#and it is very sweet between us and one of the last things we said irl was that we love each other for the first time (。ノω\。)#and idk yk like the sweetness n closeness n affection to a degree are already there BUT I SHOULDN'T#messy gay workplace antics.. her husband ain't shit though so idk 🤷🏾♀️ she takes care of everyone but has to look out for#herself at the end of the day?? especially rn?? well iiii will look out for her and after her and take care of her 😤😤#(�� . .̫ . `) but god to what extent. whatever feels right i suppose but girl... 🙈💕 i don't knowww#I'm going to continue this back and forth in my head now 🫡 but manager posting has Returned#my moon my stars 😩😩😩 YEARNING!! languishing... 🛌🏾 sick with want.#i would do anything for her#mm#← new manager posting tag
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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Not saying anything I haven’t already said but it’s 2 in the morning and I have feelings about this!! I want more queerplatonic art and interpretations in the tutu fandom sooooo bad. I keep coming back to how it’s so rare to have a show of this genre where the boy and the girl stay friends without any pressure to make their relationship “something more,” and that really resonates.
It’s not a bad thing but it’s a little sad to me that the tag is so focused on romantic shipping when there are so many other ways to explore the relationships in the show. I would love to see more people engaging with the text in ways that don’t fit in with the conventional relationship script.
Duck feels she is lacking in some fundamental human quality, a narrative that is so very often, an aspec one. For a show that’s so entrenched in amatonormativity I connected with the narrative of tutu in a way that I do with so few shows because it feels so fundamentally aspec. And I want to explore the shit out of that!!
The way the show develops it’s central relationships really resonates with me—rather being built upon some nebulous attraction the foundation of many central relationships come from a place of deep admiration. There is no expectation that that admiration must blossom into romance. At the end of the day, the world is saved through a friendship. There’s no NEED for it to be anything else because that love is complete just as it is. There’s no lack felt—only the strength of what’s already there.
And that said, I feel like when engaging with fanwork that quality is often missing. The idea that these relationships hold the same strength and validity whether they’re platonic or romantic doesn’t always carry through. And don’t get me wrong, I love to see a cute couple. But I wish there was more exploration of the weird nebulous up to interpretation not-quite-romantic, not-quite-platonic relationships the show gives us. It can go either way so it’s so strange to me that fandom tends to gravitate towards only one outcome to these options
Anyways, this is my rallying cry, JOIN ME IN QUEERING PRINCESS TUTU
#don’t mean this in an accusatory way at all#fandom tends to be biased towards shipping#and hell qprs can be a form of shipping like I am very much part of this#and that’s just how it is it’s not good or bad it’s something people enjoy doing#BUT#it’s funny to me that the fandom darling pairing is NOT explicitly romantic yet 99% of the fandom stuff for them is romantic#there’s just this massive gap that is left somewhat unexplored#also I’m gonna say it#unpopular opinion perhaps#the lake scene is soooooooooooo good if you take it platonically#like#as a thing between friends??#actually insane it scratches my brain like nothing else#FUCK yearning they r besties#(tho I love a good yearning)#princess tutu#lea talks#super sleepy so apologies if this doesn’t make sense#I must go to bed
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