#but i also know that “they didn't make the show i would have made” is not actually a valid critique

[nanamisgirly]

pussy slapping with your maths teacherྀི

based on this ask (I hope the anon will like it🙂‍↕️)

you knew the email meant trouble the second it landed in your inbox.

subject : “Homework 6 — Integrity Dicussion.” from : Gojo.Satoru@college.ct

so now you're standing outside his office door, palms sweating, thighs pressed together in your miniskirt like that might save you from the cheating homework you assigned. it's not like you're scared of Gojo. he's just your goofy annoyingly attractive nerd math professor. the man wears Gundam socks with his loafers, makes calculus puns, and has a signed photo of Neil deGrasse Tyson on his bookshelf like it's a family heirloom.

but he also happens to have shoulders like a swimmer, hands big enough to palm a basketball, and a mouth made for sin that he hides behind dump jokes with his stupidly slutty glasses. you're not into him or anything tho, you're just not blind.

your knuckles tap against the door.

“come in,” he calls, voice low. too low actually.

you step in, closing the door behind you. 

the first thing you see are the posters of fractals and famous math equations—not surprising. in the other hand, what is really surprising is the life-size cardboard cutout of the pokémon Blastoise. what the fuck is that?

your surprise doesn't stop there, as your eyes land on the chunky old Casio calculator sitting on his desk next to a mug that says, “i'm a cute professor <3”.

he's seated at his desk, glasses on, sleeves rolled to the elbows showing strong forearms scribbled in veins, one ankle resting over the opposite knee like he's got all the time in the world. a lopsided smile appears as he asks “you're nervous ?”

you scoff, clutching your handbag a little tighter. “i'm not.” he's the one to talk—how would anyone look comfortable in a office looking like this?

“mmh. tell yourself that.” he leans, pulls open a drawer and slides out your homework. he taps the edge the paper as he hold it in the air. “you handed your homework last week. and you scored…a beautiful 97.” he tilts his head, gauging your reaction. 

you're feeling a bit too hot now, sweats trickling down your spine, but you try to hold it together. you feign innocence, “yeah, incredible isn't it?” you say, rolling your eyes to play it cool.

he hums thoughtfully. “sure… if you hadn't cheated.”

you swallow, crossing your arms as you cock a hip “a girl scores high and suddenly some old grump of a man's offended by it. what a world we live in.”

gojo leans back in his chair, gaze sliding over your form—lingering a bit too long on your thighs. “is that how it is?" he hums, eyes flicking up to meet yours "just a bitter old man then?” the corner of his mouth twitches like he's trying not to grin 

he clicks his tongue and leans back further, arms spreading across the armchair like he owns the place. he does, actually. his knees spread too—annoyingly wide, “look, we both know you didn't do these problems yourself. and you're gonna redo it. right here. right now. on me.” 

your lips part. “gojo—”

“professor gojo,” he corrects, tone maddeningly even. “you don't want me to call the Academic Integrity Committee, do you?”

you glance down at his thighs, then back up. “you're a math professor. Not my—”

“—brat tamer?” he cuts in smoothly, raising a brow without blinking.

you go still. your jaw clenches, heat crawling up the back of your neck. he's so smug. smug and patient and infuriatingly unfazed.

you step forward and settle on his lap—hovering, refusing to fully sit. if he thinks you're gonna give in that easily, he's dead wrong. you don't care if your thighs start shaking. you'll squat until the apocalypse if you have to.

“ah—!” a squeal rips out of you when his hands clamp around your hips, big and warm and decidedly firm as he drags you down until you're fully seated, straddling his lap. your miniskirt hikes up dangerously high in the process, your bare thighs pressed tight to his slacks.

his breath hitches, almost imperceptibly. you probably wouldn't have noticed if you weren't so hyper-aware of every single shift in the room.

“problem one,” he says, casually putting your paper on the desk like he isn't now rock-hard beneath you like a complete weirdo. his hands stay planted on your thighs, thumbs stroking idly, but his voice stays cold. unbothered, professional almost.

keyword : almost.

you swallow hard, cheeks burning from the sheer proximity—his firm chest pressed to your back, white fluffy hair brushing every time he leans in. his scent clings to your skin—clean linen, cologne, and chalk dust—it's driving you insane. and those damn impossible formulas staring up at you on the paper—differential equations, matrix exponentials, fucking laplace transforms. couldn't he have picked basic calculus ?

your brain is short-circuiting. and the little laughs of the far-too-good-looking-with-his-glasses-pushed-low-on-his-nose professor is doing nothing to ease your nerves. “solve the matrix for the homogeneous system.” your spine stiffens as his voice is nothing but hot air dragging goosebumps up your neck.

“c'mon, engineer girl. use that big brain of yours.” you let out a shaky exhale, trying to focus on the paper even while his fingers toy with the hem of your panties. he hasn't even really touched you, but you're feeling your panties clinging to you—embarrassingly wet.

“one over s-squared plus four?” you try something, mind too fuzzy to think. your breath catches as his fingertips trace your clothed slit—oh very so slowly. he doesn't bother pressing, just lets the fabric catch and soak even more.

“gojo, what are you—”

“professor,” he reminds you, tone suddenly sharp. “and…” he's turning his head, cheek brushing yours as he watches your teeth dig in your bottom lip “no guessing.” you shudder, thighs trembling on his thick one.

that’s ridiculous how sensitive you were from featherlight touches…you’re better than that..so why are your wetting your thighs by seconds ?

“from now on,” his fingers slip beneath the damp lace, two digits brushing your folds, “you get every problem right, you're so good at pretending to be smart—but be smart.” his hand curls back up—cupping your pussy, applying steady pressure to your aching clit through the underwear. your thighs squeeze together instinctively, the heat unbearable.

you stare at the same problem, chest rising and falling in heavy breath. “a-a inverse time b—?” you offer weakly.

a low, pitying sound escapes him.

smack.

“wrong again.” the sudden sharp slap on your cunt makes your entire body jolts in his lap, your ass pressing harder against his cock. your head drops forward, tears prickling your lashes, hips twitching in a pathetic attempt at friction.

it"s so humiliating. that nerd of a teacher. fuck.

“uh-huh, don't move, sweetie. who told you you get to grind on my thigh?” he grabs your jaw with his free hand, forcing you to meet his glacier-blue eyes glinting behind crooked glasses. “let's try again. if f(t) = sin(3t), then what's the Laplace transform?” his breath ghosts over your cheek, one hand directing your gaze to the paper like you aren't already losing your mind.

your mind scrambles, your pussy pulses, and you're cursing the world for putting you in this situation. you can't even help it, it just feels so good. 

your voice breaks on a moan, nothing reflecting your angry mind “three… over…squared plus n-nine—”

gojo groans softly, cock twitching under your ass. “there she is,” he mutters, hand sliding down to rub rough circles against your clit. “smart and fuckable? you might be my new favorite little project sweetie.”

and just as a whimper leaves your lips—the second your hips barely roll forward in a desperate grind—he yanks his hand away.

“what did i say?” he asks, calmly adjusting his glasses like he's not the filthiest thing on earth right now. “no grinding. one right answer doesn't mean you get to cum. you've got four more questions, we're far from done.”

he lands another slap on your clit—scarily precise. “i get to edge you again. and again. until your poor little cunt forgets what cumming even feels like.” you sob his name as he pulls your underwear taut between your fat lips, the soaked lace dragging cruelly against your swollen clit. you shove your fist into your mouth, biting it to stay quiet.

he dips his fingers back into the ruined mess between your legs. not inside—never inside apparently. he's probably a psychopathe who loves skimming his student's pussy entrance, circling it like a threat.

 “if you get all the five right tho," he murmurs darkly, "i'll bend you over this desk and fuck you, raw, with your nose pressed onto that test," your walls clench hard at his words—and he feels it, obviously…

smirking into your hair, he adds, “you'd love that, of course you would. so go on, sweetie. show me you're not just a brainless little brat. show me how much of a perfect slut you are for good grades.”

you swear once you'll get all your mind together, you're gonna make him regret everything. that cocky, small-dick bastard—acting like he's got a big game between his thighs. 

a nerd like him, isn't packing enough to pleasure you. right?

^⌯𖥦⌯^

a/n aaaand we thanks my bachelor in engineer for my knowledge ☝🏼 tho i hope you enjoyed reading this, i don’t think it’s perfect buuut i tried :))) let me know 🫶🏻

[xianjaneway]

I just wanted to write out my comfort fics, & tag the creators if I can.

Why?

Because if this is someone's dream, I can help that dream come true for some people.

See, I work at home, sometimes as a mom, sometimes as an eBay seller, & sometimes creating beautiful, functional things in my woodshop.

ALL of these jobs require boring, repetitive, processes, that involve long hours spent alone. Sometimes, I have moments when I fucking hate any of it.

You know what gets me through those boring, lonely, repetitive parts of life? What has already propelled me through the last 5 years of chronic illness, recovery, & building a new life?

Listening to fanfic read aloud to me in the Evie app.

I LOVE my comfort fics.

Let's go by fandom, bc while Marvel is my most recent one, the Good Omens, OFMD, Sherlock, Star Trek, & James Bond/00Q fandoms have all functioned as my literary grow-light in dark times.

I'll just start with Marvel today. Hopefully, I'll update each fandom (especially the crossovers, because THOSE are my favorite, when done well.)

However, today, I need my comfort fics, because while I've been making plans, getting passports, etc., I genuinely think it's time to get my queer family out of the US.

It's not getting any better. 💔 I have no reason to think it will. If the US citizens didn't stand up during COVID, to keep marginalized people safe, why would they do it now? 💔

Marvel:

-Into That Good Night, by Nonymous @naomisalman

I never could watch Interstellar. I'm sure it's an incredible movie in its own right, but I just couldn't wait through Christopher Nolan putting another wife or child through hell, while a flawed cis/het/white man went off to save the world.

This story not only made Interstellar accessible to me, it showed real recovery from hopelessness, real healing, and the utter pain & joy of perseverance through impossible odds.

-War, Children, by Nonymous

I'm married to a recovering hoarder, lol. He's amazing. The characterization of both PTSD & poverty here is spot-on. I love how these two healing characters give each other hope & strength to face another overwhelming day.

-Heliotrope, by Nasri

Dear God, I couldn't love this story more. My late grandmother-in-law actually survived the Dust Bowl, & nearly starved to death. She was the gentlest, quietest, sweetest woman I've ever met. This fic accurately described not only the hell of living through this disaster, but showed how *little* it takes to make hope light up your eyes again. Peaches haven't tasted the same since.

It also showed the sustaining power of love, in the midst of sacrifice. Every single character in this story is willing to give up *everything* for the people they love, & it's a fascinating process to watch unfold.

I have an idea for a sequel that I've written the bare bones for, but haven't finished. That's the first fiction I've written in 8 years. THAT is how much this story meant to me.

-Road to Giverny in Winter, by Nasri

Dear God, I needed this. Station Eleven was a masterpiece, yes, but this story distilled & concentrated it until the flavor burst on my tongue. The aftertaste still lingers, a year later.

I fucking hate the stereotype of, "strong men who never feel their feelings." "Giverny" gives Steve Rogers a whack with a scalpel & a sledgehammer, & makes him actually feel AND heal. I wish the MCU had done the same!

-The "All The Time In The World" series, by NotEvenCloseToStraight

I tagged this in my bookmarks with, "Dear God, this is better than the movies." And I truly think it is, because it gave as MUCH priority to the relationships as it did to the action. I hate it when movies make relationships (and therefore, women) a distraction from the mission objective, & therefore an emotional whiplash for both the characters & the audience:

"OH, the lead character is in love with her, but she's keeping him from RESCUING CHILDREN from a flaming building, so I kinda hate her right now."

This series makes the incredible, deep, heartfelt relationships JUST as much of a mission as, "Saving the World," & it's so rare to see that done well. (It's an unusual Stuckony endgame in the 3rd fic, that you really have to read to believe it would work. It absolutely works.)

I also think it gave much more honor & depth to Peggy Carter's character, & her love story with both Steve & her eventual husband, than the MCU ever did. NECTS uses the, "Elderly Person Gives A Dose Of Wisdom" trope quite lovingly here, & I enjoyed every minute of it.

-Ticking Down, by hulucthulhu

I had only seen clips of the movie, "Timers" on YouTube shorts, & thought it was hokey as hell.

Turns out? The same woman that wrote "Wandavision" ALSO wrote Timers. This Timers/MCU crossover (w/ a bit of Soulmate trope sprinkled on top) is yet another story about the hard work of overcoming our worst anxieties, and of healing from grief, trauma, & pain. From Tony learning to swim again after Afghanistan, to Bucky learning to care for a kitten, & do aerial yoga, every beat of this story is about taking the next step towards healing.

The ending/epilogue is also very satisfying.

-All The Angels and The Saints, by Speranza

I've written before about my journey from fundamentalism & Evangelical Christianity.

So, seeing Steve Rogers take a journey from childhood faith, to youthful atheism, to foxhole believer, to disillusioned lover, is fucking incredible. I felt EVERY beat of his faith, loss, hope, & awakening.

One thing I haven't seen much of, but Speranza just NAILED here, is how journey like Steve's affects the people he loves most.

I was enraptured w/ Bucky's journey in response to Steve's struggles. From his annoyed introduction of Steve to a potential employer as, "He's meticulous. He cares about things no sane person would care about," all the way to, [paraphrase] "How DARE you think God would make all this [gestures at the war, at his own scars] happen to teach you a fucking lesson??" Bucky reflects the tragedy of the evangelist: we spend all our time trying to convince other people how to live, while ignoring our own life.

Steve was so deep into his ideology, that Bucky's moment of, "You never think about me," is a moment that shakes him right out of abstraction & into his physical reality. And the whole fic is full of moments like that, whipping Steve's heart & mind into a frenzy, until he learns who the REAL "good guys" are.

I'm kind've obsessed w/ ALL of Speranza 's works right now. They, along w/ ItsallAvengers, are my current, "I must read everything they wrote in my fandoms" hyperfixation."

So, that's all I have time for today. I think I've stopped crying, & can start taking the next steps to get us out of here. 🖖

my dream as a fanfic writer is for one day, one of my fics to be someones comfort fic. like the fic that they reread when they don't feel good and want to be happy. i want my words to comfort someone one day

[astars-things]

Hate and comfort

Lando norris x reader

Summary- where y/n joins quadrant athletes and gets hated on because people only think she got in because Lando is her boyfriend. (Mix of Insta edits, written and tweets, also please lmk if you like me adding the tweets or not, in my inbox or comments )

*I don't own any of these photos they are from pinterest

Liked by @.maxfewtrell @.Landonorris and others

@.Quadrant Please welcome the newest adrenaline junkie to the team Y/n. Y/n has been a part of the Nitro circus for 4 years, pulling off world-class stunts and we can't wait to see what she can bring to the team.

tagged @.Y/n.L/n

view comments

@.Hater Wait so she does flips in the air and we’re calling her an athlete?? be serious.

@.hater2 Nepotism wins again 💅

@.maxfewtrell welcome to the team y/n/n

@.Hater3 I just unsubscribed

@.Y/n.L/n Thank you for signing me 💚

→ @.Hater4 SLUT

You laid in your hotel bed, tears rolling down your face as you read the comments, you have had your fair share of hate. Being a woman in a male-dominated sport you were judged, if you cried you were over sensitive, if you have male friends you're a slut, If you celebrated, you were cocky and the list goes on. But this was different.

What made it all harder was the fact that you were completely alone. Melbourne was another stop on tour with Nitro Circus, just another city, another crowd. You were 10,000 miles away from your family and friends, the people who had stood trackside in the pouring rain just to see you land your first flip. You were 8,000 miles away from Lando, the one person who could make the noise fade with just a look, the only one who knew how to hold you when the world got too loud.

Your relationship had only been going on for about a year, you both had made a decision not to go public, with all his crazy fan girls and the media, it would have just torn you two apart. Seeing all the comments on the new quadrant post made your brain go into overtime with thoughts filling your head 

Was Lando really worth the pain? Do I say anything? 

Just as your head was filling with more thoughts, you heard your phone buzz from where you had just dropped it 

Lando 🧡 Love, I know you are seeing the comments 

Lando 🧡  I wish more than anything i could be there right now just to pull the phone out of your hands and remind you who the fuck you are

Read

You turned your head to the side to read the clock that was beside your hotel bed, and when it read 1 am, you let out a sigh and opened up your F1 app so you could watch the Saudi Arabian race. For the first time that night, you smiled, watching Lando go from p10 to p4. You watched the podium celebration before putting your phone on charge and going to sleep, dreading what you were going to face tomorrow

That morning when you woke up your phone was just flooded with notification and it overwhelmed you, so you messaged your trainer and some of the staff letting them know you were turning off your phone, once the messages were sent you turned off your phone with a heavy sigh and got your head in the game.

You just had to get through practice tonight and the show tomorrow, and just a few more stops of the Australian leg of the tour. Then you can fly back home and be with your family and support system. The ones who didn’t question your worth or weigh your success against who you were dating.

What you didn't know was that Lando was currently on a plane to you. Rushing through the media of the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix. To then fly to Melbourne to hold you. (I know the timeline doesn't make sense, but this is fiction, not real life so just go with it)

Lando had messaged the team asking if they could help surprise you. Lando had given them a rundown of the situation and the plan of action. Luck was on Landos' side tonight, his plane landed an hour before practice was scheduled to finish, which meant he had enough time to quickly get your hotel room card from your trainer, have a shower, get some food for both of you and get some other essentials.

Lando sat on the edge of the hotel bed, waiting for you. Your trainer had sent Lando a message saying you were on your way up to the hotel room. Lando was mentally freaking out he wanted everything to be perfect, he could hear your voice from outside the door and so he stood up holding the flowers he got on his way to the hotel and stood there waiting for you to enter the room

You let out a slow breath, shoulders heavy with exhaustion, your mind already shutting down from the day. The door clicked open, and you pushed it gently, stepping inside. That's when you froze, your mouth wide open from shock, Lando is here like right in front of me, you thought, still not being able to let any words out

His voice was soft. "Hey, love." Before your mind could process what was happening, your body made its way to Lando. He held you with so much love. "I’ve got you," he whispered after a moment, lips brushing the top of your head. "I’m right here. Let it out, love."

Liked by @.Y/n.L/n @.Quadrant and others

@.Landonorris 8,000 miles. 18-hour flight. I would do it 100 times over again just for you...when you love someone as much as I love y/n, you’ll do whatever it takes to show up. I didn't travel across the Indian Ocean just to stay quiet 🧡

We have only been dating for a year, and y/n has been doing Nitro Circus for 4 years. Y/n is not here because of me she’s here because she’s damn good at what she does and I'm happy to be her wag and show the world how amazing she is.

So, to whoever this may concern kindly fuck off with your hate comments!

Tagged @.Y/n.L/n

View comments

@.maxfewtrell Damn y/n you really are lucky Lando wouldn't do that for me 🥲

@.user Lando is really the definition of "if he wanted to he would"

→@.Landonorris damn right I am

@.danielricciardo mate said 🏎️🏁✈️🏃‍♂️‍➡️🫂💥

*liked by @.Y/n.L/n and others

@.Quadrant Say it louder for the haters in the back 🧡

@.McLaren Well said, Lando. We stand with Y/N always.

Lando sat in the stands, with a Nitro hoodie, black jeans, with his white Air Forces on, he had a special surprise just for you, he’d been holding onto since landing in Melbourne. He just needed the perfect moment. Before the show, the team had asked if it was alright to feature him in the crowd during your performance you replied with "yeah sure fuck it"

You had your helmet, full gear on, and adrenaline pulsing through your veins, just waiting for the signal from the staff to announce you and the rest of the dirt bike crew. Once you got the signal, you rode out of the tunnel, riding up the ramp. In one fluid motion, you launched into the air, legs stretched behind you in a perfect Superman pose, landing clean like it was second nature.

The crowd was in chaos with all the cheering. You looked up at the jumbotron to see your boyfriend Lando with his hoodie lifted up to show off the t-shirt he was wearing,

Which was a black t-shirt with "Y/ns' #1 WAG" printed on with white writing, you stopped for a moment, your cheeks going red under your helmet, and soon you let out a little laugh.

Once the show was done, you made your way to the fan zone, quickly signing as much as you could before making your way to where Lando had been standing. Lando picked you up effortlessly, you wrapped your legs around his waist, and wasted no time in pulling him into a kiss

"You were amazing out there," Lando murmured, his voice full of admiration, his arms tight around you. You pulled back just enough to meet his eyes, your lips curling into a soft smile. "Thank you for showing up", You spoke with tears welling up in your eyes

"Like I said in my Instagram post, I would do it 100 times over again just for you", Lando said with nothing but love in his eyes placing another kiss to your lips. This was where you belonged, right here, in his arms

@.Y/n.L/n posted on her story

🎵Lover by Taylor Swift

please reblog and like 🫶

I think this is my favorite fic I've written so far...also, if you would like a pt2 or for me to turn this into an au in the future, please lmk in the comments or my inbox

[no1blacksapphirefan]

Hello there! I love the work you do and hope that you have a great day! My request is for your Self-Aware Cookie Run au.

The reader somehow is transported into the game, meaning they can finally interact with everyone. There is just one drawback, their body is now a replica of the cookie that appears in the guild domain. (Ex: They chose Shadow Milk in the guild domain and now they have the same body as him.) I imagine some cookies have fun with this, using it as opportunity to pull some pranks or maybe even tease them a bit if the cookie the reader chose was their favorite. Maybe even try on costumes that were made for that cookie?

Also I would like Red Velvet and Capsaicin to be included in this ask please?

Hihii!! I hope you're having a good day too :D Glad you like my work hehe, your idea is very silly and I hope you enjoy

Red Velvet He was just looking for his cute lil cake hounds and now he's face to face with...himself?? Huh, when did this happen...AND WHY DOES HIS CAKE HOUNDS LIKE THIS CLONE OF HIM MORE?? He gently asks them to come back, what if you're some evil entity that can change form!! He can't let them be hur-...what's that Chiffon?...Wait what-

You're not sure how he understood the dog, if he actually did and it was just a "cooler"/funnier way to show that he knows but he points at you and questions if your truly their so called "God" Wow that's weird to hear out of someones mouth, you didn't know the cookies saw you as their God? You think? All you had to do was say you're name and he just stands there in shock. He wanted to meet you but like this??...Wow...And you look like him too...he gets a bit flustered when you explain why you look like him, due to the guild. But he's also happy, and Chiffon and the other Cake Hounds like you so, win-win?

Capsaicin He got so confused at first, looking you up and down. You know that TV trope where the character acts like it's a mirror? Holding up one arm and the "clone" (in this case you) holds up the other. I see him doing that. He has a feeling he knows you, and not the fact that it's just...well him staring back. But he feels like your just a separate person.

When you tell him he's so happy, quickly hugging you tight. He wanted to meet you for so long!! He does question why you look like him, so you explain that you seem to just be a "copy" of whoever you had as your avatar in guild. Oh he's so honoured, out of all the cookies you chose him to be and walk around in, in your guild? Definitely tries to convince you to pull some pranks on the others.

Shadow Milk Imagine your dressed as the Sage of Truth though. Like he's walking around, humming to himself then he suddenly sees an alternate version of himself. What?? How, is he dreaming? Must be an illusion, he flies over and pokes you, just to see if you're real before pinching himself...so you're real and he's not dreaming, then why is he--

When you spoke out to him he came to realise who you were, let's just say your voice stayed the same. He...isn't sure what to think. Like, don't get me wrong, he loves seeing you here now and to think that you chose him to, in better words. Represent yourself in your guild is making him feel butterflies but...he's staring at this version of himself, this version who had accepted what he had not...it was strange and he didn’t know what to think. It takes him a bit to get used too, he still wants to hang around you but it may take a bit to ignore the fact you looked like what he could’ve been in another universe.

((He defo convinces you to pull pranks on other cookies though))

Pure Vanilla Oh? Oh my, he stares at you for a bit, he had thought he heard your voice when he was taking a walk but now he just sees himself. Calmly picking up flowers. When this version of him turns around and spots him, you nearly had a heart attack, you didn't think you'd meet him. You quickly explain and all he can do is laugh gently, lending a hand out and asks if you'd walk with him.

This is quite the discovery though, he always wanted to meet you in "person" (...cookieson?) and imagined either him getting out of the screen or seeing you as a cookie like they were, but you were just a clone of him in better terms. He's very happy to hear the reason seemed to be that you used him to represent yourself in your little guild. He's so honoured.

Black Pearl Hear me out, just like Shadow Milk. Instead of looking like Black Pearl, you looked like White Pearl. Her more...tranquil side, when she was happier. You just wanted to test out swimming, it's a new body after all and one that can swim when you were grabbed by her. At first she thought you were disturbing the tranquil of her seas but then she sees...her past self? She grows...disturbed seeing it and lets you go.

You try to tell her who you are, which she does listen but she can't help but flee quickly. Out of all the cookie you had to be when you came here, did it have to be her? She comes finds you eventually, despite her initial reaction, she's quick to help you swim around. She still feels...off seeing her past self but she knows it's not her. That "her" has long gone. It's only you know, and to be honest. She is honoured you had used her to represent yourself in the guild.

[kaliforniahigh]

we'll try again, when we're not so different - n.s.

Exhusband!Noah and Exwife!Reader.

Warnings: angst, the end of a marriage, hurtful words, heartbreak, Noah's new "girlfriend", self-deprecating thoughts from both Noah and Reader, curse words, miscommunication, happy ending. Sorry if I forgot something.

I definitely don't want to end their story here. I feel like there's so much potential from this universe, so, feel free to send me asks to talk about their little life. Can be either pre or post divorce :)

WC: 9.6k

You still remember everything as if it happened yesterday.

You remember marrying him. You remember your improptu honeymoon that wasn't really anything fancy, but still held meaning to the two of you. You remember finding you you were pregnant, and even though you felt very scared of becoming a parent, you also felt very excited for the future.

But what you remember the most of all these things, is when everything started to fall apart. If you tried, you feel like you could recite word for word of what was said that day.

You were both in the kitchen. The kitchen island between you and Noah physically showing the rift that has grown between the two of you in the past years, as each one of you stood on one side.

The folder set on the counter was like a giant elephant in the room. It felt like it was staring, and mocking you. You felt like it was looking you in the face and saying "see? You failed. You failed at keeping this marriage together. And I'm the proof of it".

Neither you nor Noah have said anything since you handed him the papers and he looked through them. The silence felt like it was swallowing you two alive. You wanted him to say something, even if it was to get angry at you.

He sighed out loud, and ran a hand through his hair. And in that moment, you couldn't help but think about how your going to miss doing it yourself.

Because divorcing him didn't only mean letting go of your marriage. It meant letting go of him. It meant he was no longer gonna be yours.

You would go to bed alone. You would only cook meals for two people instead of three. And you would have no one to tell about your day. No one to let know when you arrived somewhere, or when you were headed back home.

But then you remember you've been feeling this way for a long time already. What different would it make? He was never home anyway, you felt like you were in a one person marriage.

"Y/N", he said your name, startling you out of your thoughts. "What the fuck is this?", he asked, pointing to the folder in front of you.

He didn't sound angry, he didn't raise his voice. You think he actually sounded betrayed.

"I think you know what it is", you whispered, but the silence was so loud, he could hear you clearly.

"Where is this coming from?", he questions you, and for a second you think he must not be serious right now.

Did he not remember all of the fights you've had? Did he not remember the countless nights you've called him, crying and frustrated because you couldn't put your son to sleep? Did he not remember when you got a call from his school, saying that Ezra fell from the monkey bars and needed to be taken to the hospital? And you couldn't even call him, because he was on stage somewhere halfway across the world.

"I think this is a long time coming, Noah", you point out and you can tell he's getting frustrated with your short answers.

"Long time coming? For how long have you been thinking of divorcing me? How come we never sat down and talked about it?", he was getting agitated now. Pacing back and forth.

The truth is, you knew that if you had sat down and talked to him, he would make you the same promises he's made you before, and then you wouldn't go through with it.

And you needed this. You needed to stop pretending like this is working anymore. And now you need to make him see it too.

"I don't think you want to know for how long I've been thinking about it", you answered, truthfully.

"No, I need to know. I need to know when you started to give up on us"

You whip your head to look at him when he said this.

"Give up on us?", you ask, incredulity seeping into your tone. "How dare you say Im giving up on us when I've been trying to make this work for four years? How dare you say I'm giving up on us when all you've ever given me is nothing but empty promises?", you question him, patience vanishing.

You didn't want this to become a fight. But you guess it was always going to be this way.

"Nothing? You're standing here saying that I give you nothing? I've given you everything for the past five years of my life"

"How can you tell me you've given me everything when I've been telling you tour after tour how fucking lonely I feel everytime you're away?", you question him. Has he forgotten everything?

"And I've told you that I can't change that right now!", he exclaims, frustrated. "Don't you think I'd rather stay here with the two of you instead of going away for months? You think I don't beat myself up for missing so much of Ezra's life because I was away somewhere in fucking Europe?"

"You can't change that and I can't keep living like this", you shrugged, understading where he's coming from, but tired of hearing the same thing you've heard so many times before.

"And you think this is gonna fix it?", he grabbed the folder and slightly slammed it on the counter. "You're running away from the problem instead of trying to fix it"

"I can't run from something that can't be fixed. I can't wait four more years for you to be here for us. I just can't"

"What about Ezra? Are you even thinking about him? How is he gonna take this? How is this gonna change his life?"

This was the breaking point for you, Noah talking about your son as if you're completely disregarding his well-being in this situation. The only person you had in mind was your son.

So, you said something that, to this day, you regret telling him. Because as much as you wished he was home more, that he called more, you couldn't deny that he was an amazing father. He cared for Ezra with his whole life, and you could actually see so much of Noah in him that it surprised you at times.

But, what was said can't be taken back.

"I don't know, Noah. Is it even gonna make much of a difference? You're never here anyway, so I don't even think he'd notice the change"

As soon as you said this, you could see the fight leave his body. His shoulders slumped and his eyes became downcast as the realization of what you just said hit him in the face.

He looked away from you, and you wanted to take it back immediately, but how could you?

"I'll get some of the guys to get my shit tomorrow", he said, turning his back to you and walking to the living room, grabbing the key to his car.

"Noah...", you called out, following after him, even though you have no idea what you could even say to him.

"I think you've said enough", he told you, and you haven't seen his face as cold as it was in that moment in all of the years you've been together. Actually, what brought you the most comfort was the warmth of his eyes.

Leaving the house, he half slammed the door behind him, leaving you standing there with your thoughts.

Sitting on the couch, you absolutely crumbled. Not being able to hold your tears anymore. You laid down in a fetal position, sobs racking through your body and reverberating in the emptiness of the house.

Your family was over. You were on your own now. And for a split second, you questioned if you did the right thing.

All of your friends were looking at you as if you had grown two heads. And you were desperately trying to pretend that you weren't affected by what was said just a few seconds ago.

After separating from Noah, you still kept the same friends. It just happened that your friends were also his friends. Or, they were friends, or significant others of his friends. Hearing about him and what he was up to was unavoidable. But you had to give it to them, they actually did try to keep his name out of most conversations.

It wasn't like you never spoke to him ever again. You did, because you had a kid together, after all. But the conversations were about Ezra 90% of the time. Never straying to personal matters and other topics.

You congratulated him on new music, or a new album when it came out. You told him when something happened at school with Ezra, or when something happened at the studio and you'd be late picking up Ezra from his place.

After being on your own, you went back to pursuing your dreams of being a tattoo artist, which is something you've started doing before getting pregnant. With the baby and the responsabilities you had, you started working less and less, until you stopped altogether.

You were happy to say your studio was thriving for about four years now. It took a while for you to get your footing back. Both emotionally and financially. And obviously, to fit everything into Ezra's schedule.

Today, you were grabbing lunch with a few friends, amongst them, were Matt, Davis and their girlfriends. The band had a final show of their tour here in California, and they were all excited about it.

Apparently, a few people from the industry were invited, and the venue was going to be larger than normal, probably their largest crowd yet.

You felt happy for them. The band deserved it and so did Noah. Especially after how hard they all worked for this.

It was when they were listing all of the people invited, that Matt let slip a very important information.

"Yeah, we're inviting the boys from Erra, and we're thinking of the possibility of Jesse playing guitar on stage", Lilly, Matt's girlfriend said.

"Crimson Halo is also going. I'll love to see how the internet is going to freak out about that", Matt pointed out, laughing at the idea.

"Why would the internet freak out?", you questioned.

Everyone started to look at each other funny. As if they shared a secret, an information you weren't in on. You started to feel uncomfortable.

"Guys?", you questioned again. "Is someone gonna tell me what is going on?"

"I don't know if you're going to like it", Lilly said, looking at Matt. You were now more confused than ever.

"Noah is dating Emery. The lead singer of the band", Davis ripped off the bandaid, and a heavy silence settled over the table.

You, on the other hand, was trying to act unaffected, but it was becoming more difficult as everyone was staring at you, trying to gauge your reaction.

"Oh, okay", you said, honestly not knowing the right way to respond to this.

You knew Noah must have been with other women after your split. You never heard about it, but five years have gone by, he must have been dating around in that time.

But this was the first time it was confirmed to you that he was in a new relationship, and you didn't know what to feel. It must be serious though, since she's attending his concerts.

Not to mention the fact that your son is going to be there. What is Noah going to say? Is he gonna tell him he has a new girlfriend? How is your son going to react? You hated this, since you knew you weren't supposed to know about it. But now that you did, you guess you'll have to talk to him about the situation.

"For how long have they been together?", you ask.

"For a couple of months", Davis answered, and you appreciated his honesty.

"I just wonder when he was planning on telling me this", you said, reaching for a fry and popping it into your mouth, needing something to do while you stewed in this information.

"I don't know. We also found out recently", Matt told you, and you could tell he felt bad about how the situation was unfolding.

"I was probably gonna find out from some fan account on Twitter, right?", you joked, but it didn't land. The show is in a couple of days from now, and if Noah thought this information wasn't important enough to share with you, it means you were going to find out from some blurry picture of them kissing or whatever.

The thought made your heart beat faster with anxiety.

After this, it goes without saying that the vibe wasn't the same. And in less than an hour, everyone was saying their goodbyes, and hugging each other.

Lilly enveloped you in her arms, but before parting completely, she held you at arm's length and leaned a little closer.

"If you're worried about Ezra, just know that Noah would never do anything to jeopardize the relationship with his son", she told you, and you saw sincerity in her eyes.

You knew this. You knew that Noah was a responsible father. But still, the fact that you were in the dark about all of this left a bitter taste in your mouth.

"Thank, Lilly. I appreciate it", you smiled, and everyone went their own way.

Back home, you sat on the couch while Ezra did his homework on the kitchen table. You pondered if you should do anything about this new piece of information. By now, Noah must know that you knew about it, since Matt and Davis most likely told him already.

You should just be quiet, and let this be. It was his relationship. It was his decision to tell you or not.

But, despite knowing this. You still send him a text.

You: If you are serious about her, let me know, so we can think of a way to tell Ezra.

Yeah, you were never good at keeping to yourself when it comes to him.

A few seconds later, your phone buzzes with a reply.

Noah: Can I come over later?

You sighed. If Noah wants to show up at your house, then the talk he wants to have must be important. You texted him back an "ok". Good thing Ezra is spending the night at his grandma's tonight. Your mom has been dying for a sleepover, and since it was a Friday, spending the weekend there would be the perfect opportunity.

You and Noah had joint custody, but a flexible schedule due to his job. Even though Ezra spent the most amount of time with you, you never limited for how long he was with Noah whenever he was not on tour.

After dropping off Ezra at your mom's house, you grabbed take out on the way back home. One rule that you kept even after the divorce, is that Fridays were the days for take out, and not cooking.

Grabbing your meal and thanking the server, you put the car in drive. But before you could start making your way back home, your phone vibrated on the center console. You saw it was a text message from Noah.

Noah: I'm on my way.

You didn't bother to answer, since you were about 5 minutes from your house. You would most likely arrive just in time to meet him there.

As you predicted, as soon as you set the food container on the kitchen counter, you heard a knock on your door. Opening it, you were met with Noah on the other side of the door. He was dressed as he usually was. Dark pants and a Bad Omens hoodie. You kept some of those in your closet as well. You got rid of the ones that belonged to him, and that for some reason, he had left behind when he moved out. The other ones were too comfy to throw in the donation pile.

"Come in", you told him, stepping aside to let him in the house.

There were few times when he actually came into your house, oftentimes, he stayed in the car while Ezra took his backpack and ran along the driveway to meet his dad. Whenever you were running late, he came in, but never went further into the house than the living room and kitchen.

You heard him closing the door behind him, as you made your way back to the kitchen, opening a drawer and grabbing a fork.

"Still doing no cooking Friday, I see", he pointed out, sitting in one of the stools in the kitchen island.

"Yep. You know how it is", you answered, as you sat down yourself. You pointed to the food in front of you, silently asking if he wanted some, but he just shook his head no.

Right now, you weren't too sure if you wanted to have this conversation with him eating. But, oh well.

"Matt told me what happened today at lunch", he started.

"To say it was a little uncomfortable would be an understatement", you pointed out. You really didn't mean to be petty about this, but as soon as he touched on the subject, it just came out of you. You decided to dial it down a little bit. You didn't want this to become a fight.

"I'm sorry. I was going to tell you. I was just waiting for the right time"

"You couldn't find the right time in the couple of months you've been together?", you challenged him. He was talking as if he started dating this girl last week.

"I was never going to introduce her to Ezra without talking to you", Noah said. And it was true. He knew how protective you were of Ezra, and he was never going to take a miscalculated step that could affect his son's life.

"I believe you. It would just be nice to know"

He nodded, showing you he understood where you were coming from.

"But now that I know, we need to talk about how things are going to be from now on"

"I still don't pretend to introduce her as my girlfriend to him, Y/N"

You ignored the way he said "my girlfriend" tugged at your heart in a way you were not ready to admit.

"Ok, but what about when you decide to do it?", you question him.

"We've been separated for a while now. It would be natural for us to start dating other people. He's 9, he'll understand", he said and you sighed. Your son was a very emotionally mature kid, you gotta give him that.

"Just be careful when you do it, ok? I don't want him hurting", you pointed the fork at him when you said it. "And please, only do it if you know for sure that this girl is going to stick around"

You knew that Noah was completely aware of everything you were saying to him. But he let you say it anyway, because he knew it took a weight off your chest to do it.

"You don't have to worry about it", he reassured you, and you nodded in response. "This is not the only thing I came here to talk about"

You stopped chewing the second he said this. You had a feeling that whatever it was, wouldn't make you happy.

"Ezra is coming to the concert next friday, right?", he asked and you hummed in agreement. Every time the band performed here, Ezra would attend the concert. "I need you there with him this time", he said and you almost choked on your food.

"What?", you ask, indignation in your voice. Ever since separating, you never attented one of his concerts again. It was actually something you told him you did not want to do. Whenever Ezra would go, Alana would pick him up and stay with him the whole time, so you didn't have to worry.

"Alana is actually very sick this time, and she can't go. Ezra is really excited and I didn't want him to miss it", Noah explained.

"And you don't have anyone else?"

"Not really", he shrugged his shoulders. "Everyone else is going to be busy, and I can't be with him all the time"

You knew how chaotic it could get while getting ready for a concert. The boys would all be running around, making sure everything goes to plan. And truth be told, you didn't expect any of them to stop what they were doing to take care of a nine year old.

"I already told you I didn't want to go anymore", you said, head low. You suddenly didn't want to look at him anymore. You also lost your appetite, so your hand just stirred the food around with your fork aimlessly.

The thing is, going to these concerts were one of your favorite things to do when you and Noah were still together. You loved to watch him go up on the stage. You loved to watch him sing his heart out, and command the crowd in the way only he knew how to do.

In the last stages of your relationship though, it was such a bittersweet feeling. Because you knew that no matter what you did, nothing could ever compare to the thrill he felt up there. In a way, you resented the stage, but you started to understand why he went away for months and months to perform.

"Listen, you don't have to watch if you don't want to. But he needs you there this time", Noah said. You knew he was right, and you hated the idea of telling your son he wouldn't get to go.

"Ok, I'll be there", you decided. Not too excited about the idea, but there's nothing you could do about it right now. "Can you tell your girlfriend I'm going? Just so it isn't awkward or anything", you add.

"I will. You don't have to worry about that", Noah reassures you, and you nod in appreciation.

You take another bite of your food, as a silence falls over the two of you. It was always like this. Awkaward silences, trying to find something to talk about. It felt like you didn't have anything in common anymore. It felt like you couldn't relate to each other anymore. And you weren't sure of what hurt more, even after five years.

After a few more seconds, he stood up.

"I should get going", he said, grabbing his car keys set on the counter in front of him. You abandon your food in order to open the door for him.

"I'll se you on Friday, I guess", you tell him, as he steps onto your front porch.

"I'll see you. I'll get Matt to text you the details, along with your backstage pass", Noah informs you, you say thanks and then he's back on his car, peeling off the driveway.

Noah waits until he rounds the corner to stop his car. He feels like he needs to catch his breath. Every time he's inside your house, it takes all of the energy out of him. And this time, it's no different.

He replays the interation word by word in his head. When Matt had texted him, saying that he let it slip that Noah has a new girlfriend, he knew he needed to talk to you about it sooner rather than later.

He was just avoiding it, and for many reasons. Emery was a nice girl, but Noah would be lying if he said he saw a future for them. A future further than what they had right now. He didn't even know if he could call her his girlfriend. He never really asked her oficially, but after a couple of weeks of them being together, going out together, going to each other's places, he thinks he doesn't really need to say much. Besides, other people around him just started to refer to them as boyfriend and girlfriend, and he didn't have the heart to correct them.

He knows he should say something. He should say he's not emotionally available right now. He should say he's not looking for something long lasting. But, the truth is, he doesn't want to look like a fool. Because, the moment he says that, he knows he'll need to talk about you. Because you're the reason he hasn't been available for the past five years, and, honestly, how can he say that?

How can he say he hasn't moved on from a relationship that's ended five years ago? How can he say that you're still the only that can get his heart beating faster every time you look at him? How can he say that after everything you've said to him that night, he can still feel like you're the only one for him?

He knows he needs to talk about it. Maybe with a professional, like the boys have hinted at many times. He just feels like if he gets rid of these feelings, if he finally moves on, he'll be losing that last piece of you. That last piece of how you were together, despite the bad times and the fights. And he's not ready for that.

Pulling the car in drive again, he sighs out loud before starting to drive. He's headed to Emery's place. Earlier in the day, she had invited him for dinner, and he had said yes. Right now, he doesn't really feel like it, but he also doesn't feel like cancelling last minute. So he just drives.

When he arrives, Noah turns off his car and hops off, making his way to her front door and ringing the doorbell. When she opens the door, she's wearing this cute apron, and she greets him with a smile on her face and a peck on the lips, ushering him in.

The first thing Noah notices is the smell permeating the house, and his stomach grumbles almost instantly.

"What are you making?", he asks, pulling out a chair at the table and sitting down, as he watches Emery carry on what she was doing before he arrived.

"I'm just putting together a lasagna. You like that, right?", she asks, and he could've sworn he froze right there. Before she could catch him though, he schooled his features and told her that yes, he does like lasagna.

The dish just happened to be your specialty, though. Making lasagna used to be your favorite thing to do in the kitchen, and the preparation could take days, since you insisted to make the lasagna sheets from scratch, instead of those you buy at the store and just boil.

Needless to say, it was Noah's favorite dish of yours. Nothing could ever compare to it, and every time there was a get together, the boys always requested you made it, and you always said yes, with the biggest smile on your face.

For a second, Noah wondered if this would ever stop. Would there be a day when he wouldn't compare everything to how things were before? Would you ever stop permeating his every interation? Would there be a day when he wouldn't remember you when something like this happens? If yes, then how long more would he have to wait?

They sit down on the couch and talk, as a movie is playing in the background, and they're waiting for the dish to cool down a bit, since it was just pulled out of the oven.

"How are the preparations for the concert on Friday?", Emery asks. Noah takes a gulp of the beer she offered him.

"It's going well. There's only so much we can prepare for, you know?", he answers. One of the things they bonded over when they met was music, and since Emery also had her own band, she could understand a few things Noah went through with his.

"Yeah, I know", she agrees. "Some stuff are still gonna go wrong, anyways"

Noah thought this was a good time as any to tell her you were attending the concert. He didn't talk about you often when he's with her, and whenever he did, he could notice the girl grow a but uneasy at the topic of conversation.

Part of him wanted to tell her to not worry about it, that you've been split up for five years, and there was no way you would get back together. But the other part of him couldn't lie. If the opportunity ever presented itself, if you could ever talk about things and make the wrongs rights. If in some magic land you decided to try again, he would take that opportunity and never look back.

"By the way, I wanted to tell you something. Just so you're ready for it", he started, and she nodded for him to keep going. "Y/N is going to be there to accompany Ezra. Lana is the one who's usually with him, but since she's sick this time, his mom has to go"

As per usual, at the mention of your name, her smile falters a little and he can see her trying to conceal it.

"Oh, ok", she answers shortly, and he can see her struggling with her words.

"She wanted me to tell you, so things aren't awkward", Noah explained it further, not really knowing why. You're the mother of his kid, he doesn't really have to explain himself when it comes to this.

"You talk to her a lot?", she asks, changing the subject completely. Noah has caught her asking these questions lately, and he's been usually good at answering - or dodging - them. This time though, after everything that's happened today, he doesn't really have the emotional intelligence to answer her without letting some annoyance slip into his voice.

"Of course I do. We have a kid together", he tells her, not leaving much room for debate.

"I know that. I was just wondering if that would ever be a problem in the future, for us", he says, and Noah has to do some mental gymnastics to understand what the hell she is on about. When he doesn't say anything, she keeps going.

"Are you going to introduce me as your girlfriend?"

"She already knows about us"

Noah wanted to tell her that no, he's not introducing her as his girlfriend, because that's not what she is, but decided that's an argument he didn't want to have tonight.

"What about other people?", she asks again, and Noah gets frustrated with her questions.

"If you want to ask me something, just do it. You don't have to dance around the subject", he is upfront with her.

"When are you going to tell your son we're dating?", Emery asks, and for a second, Noah regrets asking for honesty. He rubs his forehead and sighs. Now he remembers more than ever why he's been avoiding relationships all this time.

"For him, you're my friend. And that's it", Noah answers with full honesty. That's one subject he is set on making it clear with Emery. He doesn't play about his son, and he needs her to know that. He's not ready for this, and if she can't understand that, then too bad for her.

"I feel like that's all I am to you as well", she says and he wants to bolt out of this house and end this conversation.

"Listen, Emery. This is what I can give you right now, ok? I told you from the beginning that I have a kid, and that things were going to be very different. You said that was ok, and now you want me to tell my son that we're together? It really doesn't work like that", Noah is losing his patience, and she could tell.

"If this is going nowhere, I just want you to be honest with me about it, because I won't play second to a woman who has been out of your life for five years", Emery says, getting up to set the table.

Suddenly, Noah feels suffocated in this house. He is dreading having to sit at the table with her and eat, pretending that this is ok. It is not ok, and he wantes to scream in her face to never talk about you like that ever again. That she couldn't understand, not in a million years, what you meant to him. She couldn't understand how you made him the happiest man alive. How you gave him the best thing that has ever happened to him. His son.

Instead, he gets up, mutters an "I can't do this", and leaves through the front door.

You're doing your makeup in the bathroom when Ezra comes in, calling out for you.

"Mom, look at my clothes", he stands there, and you turn around to take a look at him. A smile immediately taking over your face.

"You look great, buddy", you compliment him, eyes going up and down his small - but ever growing - frame. "Is that a new shirt?", you ask him, since you don't remember him having this Bad Omens shirt in his closet the last time you checked. You always had to keep an eye on him, especially after he started putting together his own outfits. You never knew what combination could come out of that closet.

"Yes, it is! Uncle Davis gave me one, and he said it's not even released yet, and I'm the only one who has it", his smile is even bigger now, his energy almost overflowing. Something Noah was adamant on doing, ever since having a kid, was create a Bad Omens merch line for kids. It was a total succes and has been for a few years now. Ezra even modeled a few times.

"Well, that sure is nice", you tell him, turning around and going back to your makeup. "I think you're missing something, though", you observe, and you see the lightbulb going off in his head, as he bolts out of the bathroom and back to his bedroom.

A few seconds later, he's back, tugging his fake tattoo sleeves up his arms.

"Thanks for reminding me, mom", he tells you, and you let out a genuine laugh at the way he's so relieved you remembered.

You loved those damn fake tattoo sleeves he always wears so much. It started off with him wanting to look just like Noah. But then, as you went back to working in the studio, he realized both of his parents were tattoo enthusiasts, and the habit had a whole new meaning for him.

You knew Noah would lose it when he sees him wearing them, despite seeing it a hundred times before, it never really gets old.

"I'm just finishing here. Why don't you wait for me on the couch?", you instruct and watch him leave once again.

You take a look at the clock and see that you still have a few minutes until you have to leave the house. You opted for an all-black outfit, with the intent to blend in as much as you could. You actually thought about the possibility of wearing one of your old merch shirts, but ultimately decided against it.

Last night, when you were overthinking and debating on whether to cancel this last minute or not, you found yourself on Instagram. One thing led to another and suddenly, you were deep in Emery's profile.

You couldn't help but notice how gorgeous she was, and how much she fit in with Noah's lifestyle. Probably in a way you never could.

They probably bonded over so many things. Music, tours, albums, production. All of the things Noah came home trying to explain to you after a stressful day in the studio, but noticed you couldn't really grasp the idea of everything they did in there.

Their conversations probably flowed way easier too. She probably helped him during studio sessions, and he probably did the same. Hell, you wouldn't even be surprised of they collabed together.

Before you could go into a way deeper spiral of comparison, you looked in the mirror and decided it was enough effort for today. You were probably wearing the most amount of makeup you've worn in weeks, and that in itself was enough for you. Who were you trying to impress anyway?

Grabbing your purse from the couch, you put on your sneakers, turn off all the lights, and go around the house cheking one more time if everything is locked as it is supposed to be.

Calling out to Ezra, you grab you car keys, but before you could even do anything, the kid has already opened the front door, and is eagerly waiting for you to unlok the car. Once you did, he hopped in the back and strapped himself in.

Being Noah's son, Ezra didn't even need a booster seat around this age anymore, and you were 100% sure he would grow to be as tall, if not even taller, than his dad.

"Let's go, buddy", you tell him, getting in yourself and turning on the car.

"Mom, I'm so happy you're coming tonight. You're going to love it!", you looked in the rearview mirror and saw his smile, and for that moment, you weren't even conflicted about going anymore.

You had texted Noah about thirty minutes ago, telling him that you and Ezra were on your way. He was waiting in the bus area, since that's where he told you to park.

Meanwhile, Noah thought about how Emery was inside. They haven't really spoken after their argument a few days ago. But tonight, she did tell him she wanted to talk after the concert is over. Noah has decided he was going to "break up" with her, even though they weren't together officially in the first place.

Now, he needed to focus on you and Ezra. And if things went well tonight, maybe you'd let him take you guys to dinner after the concert. He was holding his hopes high.

After a couple of minutes, he sees your car parking not too far from where he's standing. The headlights turn off and you step out along with Ezra, who immediately runs to his father.

"Dad! Look at my new merch", he says, grabbing the bottom of his shirt, showing it off. Noah couldn't help but chuckle at the way he never lets go of the fake tattoo sleeves. They're even a little ripped in places, he's even offered to buy him a new one, but he refuses every time.

"You look awesome, buddy", Noah envelops his son in a hug, lifting him off his feet a little. "You ready to rock tonight?", he asks and his kid answers with a very enthusiastic yes.

"I'm sorry it took me a while, there was a little bit of traffic", you tell him, and he can't help but observe how you look tonight. He never fails to get startruck by your beauty.

"It's ok. We should be heading in", he leads you both inside the venue, through the halls and finally, you step inside the green room.

"You guys can stay in here. There's water and catering outside if you need anything", he tells you.

"I know how it works, don't worry about us. Soon, this little one here will want to walk around and explore the place, right?", you ruffle Ezra's head and he agrees with you. The kid can never stay in one place for too long.

"There's security outside if you need anything. I'll have to get ready since the concert is starting soon", you nod in acknowledgement, reassuring Noah that, once again, everything is going to be ok.

He leaves to get ready and in about fifteen minutes, you and Ezra are walking around the halls backstage. You see and talk to people you haven't seen in years, but they look well acquainted with your son, and you feel happy to see him fitting in Noah's life so seamlessly.

Soon enough, you're standing beside Ezra on side stage, the concert about to start shortly.

"I'm gonna grab us some water bottles, ok?", you tell him, signaling for a security guard to keep an eye on him, and he answers you with a smile that tells you that he's used to keeping an eye on the kid when he's watching the concert.

Back in the green room, you go through some notifications on your phone before grabbing the water bottles, knowing you won't have time to do it while the concert is happening.

You're standing there when you hear the door open behind you, and you're ready to tell Ezra he could've stayed where he was, before the words die on your lips when you're met with Emery.

Your mind had kind of scraped her from your thoughts since arriving. You hadn't seen her yet and you actually thought she might not be attending.

"Oh, hi", she greets, and you can clock the fake tone of her voice the minute she speaks. "I think I have the wrong room", she says, but makes no move to get out.

"Can I help you with something?", you ask her, and you can tell that she knows who you are. Suddenly, it doesn't really look like she got in here by mistake.

"I was just looking for some water"

"There are some in here, you can grab one if you want", you tell her, pointing to the mini fridge.

She makes her way over, opening it and grabbing a water bottle. Popping the cap, she takes a few gulps while you watch her.

"I think Noah has mentioned you before", she wonders out loud. "What's your name again?", she asks.

You know what she's doing, and you're 100% sure Noah has mentioned you before and that she knows your name.

"I'm Y/N", you tell her, not bothering to shake hands or anything.

"Oh, you're the ex-wife!", she exclaims, as if she's making a huge point by saying this.

"That's me", you don't bother to hide your annoyance with her. You knew she came in here with the intent to have this conversation, and to probably rile you up and make you feel some kind of jealousy of her relationship.

"So, you're the reason why Noah can't commit to anyone anymore, huh?", she points out and you have to do a double take to make sure you heard her right.

"Excuse me?", you question.

"Yeah, you heard me. Five years later and he still can't get you out of his head"

"Listen, my son is waiting for me, and the concert is about to start. Besides, I really don't want to be having this conversation", you tell her, turning on your back. You really needed to tell Noah his taste in girls has declined drastically over the years.

"You're the reason why he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend", she half yells after you.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you're not gonna raise your voice at me", you throw back at her.

"Oh, you wanna act so high and mighty as if you haven't ruined Noah's life"

"You know nothing about me, and you know nothing about our relationship. So, I suggest you get you act right before I call security on you", you warn her, and you see her opening her mouth to retort when a voice speaks from the door.

"What the fuck is happening in here?", Noah's standing there, looking between the two of you, before his eyes settle on Emery.

"She was screaming at me, and threatening to call security on me. Can you believer her, Noah?", Emery says, voice calm this time. You sigh out loud at her fakeness.

"She won't have to, I am doing it myself", Noah tells her, and her face falls at his words. In seconds, there is a burly security guard scorting Emery out of the premises, as she's still throwing false accusations at you.

Once she's gone, and you and Noah are alone in the green room, a heavy silence settles over the two of you.

"That's your girlfriend?", you ask him, a hint of teasing in your voice. He only shakes his head.

"I can't explaing everything right now, because if I do, I'll be late to go on stage. But I'd really to talk to you when the concert is over. Is that ok?", he asks.

"Yeah, of course. We'll need to talk about this regardless", you agree with him.

Not too long after, you're back beside Ezra and the concert has started. To say you're focused would be a lie. You're not really absorbing anything that is happening before you. You can feel Ezra's presence beside you, absolutely rocking his little heart out. But you can't help but replay the conversation from earlier.

When Matt let it slip that Noah was dating someone else, you thought that Noah and this girl were official. And now you meet her, and she's blaming you because Noah doesn't want to commit? Why didn't he make it clear to you that they were not actually dating? You actually feel a little like a fool. For texting him about it, for questioning if he pretended to introduce her to Ezra, while they weren't even together.

You zone out for a little longer, until the music goes quiet and Noah is talking to the crowd.

"This is somewhat of a new version of a song you guys already know", he says, grabbing an acoustic guitar one of the techs hand out to him. Making his way back to the mic stand, his eyes meet yours for a second, before he's focused back on the crowd.

"You all will be the first crowd to hear the acoustic version of Just Pretend", he announces, and for a second, the noise from the crowd is so defeaning, you can't even hear the first couple of strums on the guitar.

After a few seconds, the whole crowd is holding up their flashlights, and Noah starts singing.

I'm not afraid

Of the war you've come to wage against my sins

I'm not okay

But I can try my best to just pretend

You've heard this song before. Of course you have. Especially after all of the discourse on social media saying he wrote it about your relationship. In one interview though, he did say it was just to show how easy you can make a radio hit. You decided to run with that excuse as well. It was easiar to cope with the words he wrote, and is now singing in front of you.

I can wait for you at the bottom

I can stay away if you want me to

I can wait for years if I gotta

Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

You couldn't help but connect the words to what Emery told you earlier. You always thought Noah would have an easier time moving on than you. He was always on the road, he had things to distract his mind. He had girls waiting for him at every tour stop. Now, as you look at him, with his eyes closed and so focused on every word from the song, you wonder if he really hasn't gotten over you.

We'll try again

When we're not so different

We will make amends

till then I'll just pretend

You're standing still, not able to take your eyes away from him, when his head slightly turns to the side, and he looks at you. The eyes you used to love so much, now looking at you with so much sincerity and longing, you were sure you could dissolve right then and there. You were always able to communicate with him through looks, with his eyes being so expressive, there were many times when he didn't even have to tell you what he was thinking for you to figure it out.

Now, you realize that ability never really went away. Because you saw begging in his eyes. You saw the tool that being away from you has taken on him.

Weigh down on me, stay till morning

Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

Weigh down on me, stay till morning

Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

He finishes the song, and before you know it, you're wiping tears from your eyes. It feels like the night has taken a turn, and you're not sure if you want to face what comes next, but, for the first time in a while, you feel like things could be ok again.

You're waiting for Noah in the green room you were in before. You were sat on the couch, fingers unable to stay still, as you pick on your nails, your cuticles, anything to distract your mind and quiet your anxiety for a few seconds.

Ezra is off helping Matt pack up his things, and you just know it's going to take a while, from what you can remember, especially with how meticulous Matt is with his equipment.

The door opens, momentarily letting in the noise from outside, and you turn your head to look at Noah. His hair is wet, and a few strands are clinging to his forehead.

You remember well how it was when he finished concerts, especially when you guys were younger, and couldn't keep your hands off of each other. You always thought he looked his best a little out of breath, voice a little hoarse from singing. Apparently, that hasn't changed.

"I'm sorry for what happened earlier", he started, leaning on the table set on the corner of the room, leaving a little space between you.

"You don't have to apologize for her actions. I just want to know why you didn't tell me you weren't really dating her", you question him, and he lowers his head. You could tell he was bracing himself and trying to be vulnerable to the best of his abilities.

"We started hanging out, and I guess everyone just assumed we were together. I never really asked her to be my girlfriend", he started. You didn't say anything, deciding to wait for him to gather his thoughts. "I haven't dated anyone since the divorce".

The admission shocks you a little bit. You were 100% sure there have been other people since you.

"Why not?", you ask, voice a little hesitant and quiet.

"Isn't it obvious? I mean, she told you why"

"I wanna hear you say it"

"You wanna hear me say that I haven't been able to get over you in the five years we've been divorced? You wanna hear me say that I blame myself for that goddamn divorce every fucking day of my life? Because that's how I feel"

"I don't blame you for the divorce", you tell him, and you really don't. Over the years, you were able to realize if it hadn't happened then, it would've happened later on anyway.

"I blame myself because I should've tried harder. I should've tried harder to make you stay. I should've told you everything that was going on. But no, I just signed the papers like a damn fool"

"What do you mean tell me everything that was going on?", you question him, that part of his speech cathing your attention.

"We were under so much pressure from the label. I asked them to make the tours shorter, so I could spend more time with you and Ezra, that was only just a baby back then. They basically told me that if I wasn't willing to put in the work, we could find another label to release our album", he told you.

This was new information for you, you never knew that Noah talked to the label, and that they denied his requests.

"How could I do that? If I was a solo artist, I would've let them drop me in the blink of an eye so I could be with you two. But I had the guys to think about. So many other people were waiting on the success of the album. And once it was out, everything just got worse. They were scheduling tours after tours, and we couldn't say no, because we had a contract signed"

You didn't know what to say. You had your forehead pressed to your palms. All this new information making your head spin.

"Why didn't you tell me?", you raise your head and look him in the eye. "This is the kind of shit that you tell your wife", you were growing frustrated over the fact that he didn't communicate with you back then.

"I was afraid I would push you away. I was afraid you'd realize this isn't the kind of life you wanted and you'd leave me eventually. Look where that fucking got me, huh?", he motions around him, hands falling on his sides in frustration and resignation.

"I thought you weren't trying. I felt so alone because I thought you weren't putting in the effort because you thought the road was so much more interesting than staying at home, taking care of a baby and cleaning up spit and changing diapers", you get up from the couch, your own frustration showing. "You should've fucking talked to me", you say, once again, as you get closer to him.

"Everything I've ever wanted was to stay at home, taking care of my baby, cleaning spit and changing diapers", he tells you and your eyes start to water from the intensity of the moment.

You don't know what to do with yourself right now. You were angry at him for not saying anything earlier. You were angry at yourself because you just assumed the worst from him.

"I don't know what to do", you confess to him.

"I don't know either", he confesses back to you.

In the second you lock eyes, all of the emotions spill over. You take a step closer and crash into his arms. He envelops his arms around you in an instant, holding you firm and sure as you cry in his chest.

You don't know why you're crying so much. You think it's because you finally get to feel him again after so long without his touch. Maybe because right now, in his arms, things feel like they felt almost ten years ago, and he was your safe haven. He was the one who could make all of the sadness and pain go away. He was the one who could shut your mind off and make you focus only on him.

"Shh, I'm here, ok?", he reassures you, running his fringers through your hair.

"I'm so sorry", you're sobbing as you part from him and look him in the eyes. "I'm so sorry. I feel like I ruined everything".

"You haven't ruined anything", he told you, grasping your face in his hands, and you lean on his touch. "I would never make you stay in a relationship when you didn't feel happy. Your feelings were valid and you made the decision you thought was right", he caressed your cheeks with his thumb, wiping away a few tears that still slipped from your eyes.

"You deserve so much more than what I gave you. You deserve someone who can see you as the amazing person that you are. You deserve....", he shuts off your rambling by pressing his lips on yours. You're stunned, and you don't move for a second. After realizing what is happening, and you register his warm lips on yours, just like they felt so long ago, you completely relax. He doesn't move, doesn't deepen the kiss. You just stay there for a second, feeling each other. And it feels so perfect, that you want to cry all over again.

"I had to stop you there. You weren't making much sense, to be honest", he tells you, parting from your lips, but keeping close.

"I'm sorry", you say, once again. And he nods, telling you that he knows.

You stay wrapped in his arms for a while longer, resting your head on his chest, and Noah revels in the feeling of you against him. He feels like he can finally breath easier for the first time in years.

"The boys and I are leaving Sumerian", he tells you, and you part from him to look him in the face.

"Really?", you ask and he nods. "Why?"

"Our contract is up and we're not re-signing", he explains, like it's the most logical thing ever.

"What label are you signing with?"

"Our own", he says, and you have a puzzled look on your face.

"Your own?"

"The boys and I are opening an independent label"

Your mouth hangs open in shock, and you feel happy for all of them. This is something they've wanted for such a long time now.

"This is so great, Noah", you tell him and he smiles at you.

"Now, we won't have that pressure anymore. Everythig becomes a little easier and we're able to control our schedule much better", he explains, and you know where he's getting at. A flutter of happiness takes over you. You were going to be ok.

"I was thinking that we could go have dinner after everything's packed up. You, Ezra and I", you tell him, deciding to start with baby steps first.

"It's like you read my mind", Noah grasps your face once again, placing his lips on yours for the second time tonight, and this time, you circle your arms around his neck.

You want to stay here forever, and now, you felt like you could.

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[lunarxcity]

Why Pretend? (Part X to Why Me?)

Azriel x rhys sister! reader!

angst/eventual comfort (A little bit of fluff a little bit of angst because nothing in life is free)

Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?

Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, and IX if you missed them!

-

Azriel has a shadow and while he is accustomed to having many shadows the shadow he is referring to is not his. It follows him around constantly, not offering him even a second's respite. He shadow is on his heels at all time and unlike the elusive nature of his shadows this one was corporal.

The shadow he is referring to is the pet fox you had recieved from Eris of course. Whenever you were busy or not home the fox would follow Azriel around like a lost puppy which in some sense it was. It was fun at first but it was starting to get on his nerves, the fox followed him everywhere. He means everywhere.

At one point he was doing his paperwork and had looked away for a second and when he looked back the fox was gnawing on his pen. The pen was still in his hand. Another time they had came inside the bathroom and had just stared at him while he took a bath which was uncomfortable at the least and creepy at the most.

But it wasn't permanent; whenever you would come home the fox would run excitedly to you, it's owner and you would excitedly sweep him up in your arms littering his head in kisses. Azriel cannot believe that he is jealous of a cauldrons-damned fox and he believed that the fox knew it too, always staring at him with his sly foxy smile as you held him and gave him all your attention.

Azriel sulked over his bitterness towards the fox for a few days until he redeemed himself by hissing at Eris and trying to bite his hand. Azriel had snuck him some of the steak from the previous night's dinner as a reward ad he considered that truce enough.

Azriel hadn't properly spoken to you since the fateful night in your room, where in his sleepy jealousy-addled mind he had thought boisterously flirting with you the way that Eris or Cassian would could be the way that he could sway your affections. He was so jealous that he thought he could out-Eris Eris at his own game and it backfired, horribly.

He not only made a fool of himself, but had actually worried you. Instead of swooning over his flirty words, you had instead became worried thinking he had been going mad. He didn't know whether to apologise to you or to pretend like it had never happened, but it didn't matter because he had barely seen you this past week.

You had constantly been with Nesta and the rest your book club or with Madja working or showing Eris and Lucien around Velaris. He's also pretty sure he saw Rhys and Feyre sneaking out to breakfast with you. At this point you were regularly hanging out with everyone except for him, he even saw you having tea and biscuits with Elain, Mor, and Amren. You were spending more time with Amren than him.

Whenever he would catch you he would ask to properly make plans and talk, but you had brushed him off every day this week with a different excuse. First, it was busy, then it was you already had plans, by the time you hit the seventh excuse and said that your fox was attention depraved and needed one-on-one bonding time it was getting ridiculous.

Everything should have been fine between the two of you, so why were you ignoring him. He doesn't think it's the remarks he made because your sleep-addled brain was likely not processing anything as much as he had been. He knows you get cranky when you're woken up, and you're so focused on complaining that you're tired that you can't fully process anything going on around you. He found it adorable, actually.

So Azriel sat on one of the living room sofas and continued to interrogate the fox.

"Okay so blink twice if she's upset with me again and sneeze if she isn't."

The fox looked at him deadpan. At this point he was judging Azriel too and who could blame him.

Time passed and the fox continued to blink, unaffected by the words of the shadowsinger.

"AHA! I KNEW IT-"

Azriel stood up so quickly that he had lost his balance and toppled over the couch.

"Introducing the most feared warrior in all of prythian. Asking animals for love advice and toppling over couches, be afraid."

Cassian was cackling and Azriel was looking up at him deadpan from his position on the floor. This only made Cassian laugh more which led to him spilling his drink all over the floor.

Nesta walked in holding a rag like she was already anticipating this was going to happen. "Why are you acting like this is a new thing you haven't heard Azriel talk to him yet?" She points to the fox.

Cassian's face goes straight and then he erupts in laughter clutching his stomach and bending over unable to catch his breath.

"Mother help me." She throws the rag over his face and went over to help Azriel up.

-

Lately, you've felt like you're being followed. You can't escape the feeling of being watched, you swear there are phantom eyes peering over your shoulder anytime you leave the house of wind.

If you had known any better, you would say that you're being followed, but you have a feeling you already know who the perpetrator is, and you would rather accept ignorance's comfort than deal with the burden of truth.

Truth would be a blow taken to the walls you have built up; one that could be strong enough to tumble them completely. Your defenses have been lowered since your emotionally charged discussion with Azriel, but he wasn't deserving of your unyielding attention anymore.

You didn't even want to give him half of it. The idea that he would only now start becoming drawn to you because of this bond that he knows nothing about is a bitter poison, just like the one you are currently infecting the plant on your desk with.

The plant sits on one of Madja's dark oak working desks in the back of her office adjacent to the vials of mysterious glowing neon liquids boiling on burners with different colored flames. The liquid you're working with is a dark purple boiling on a flame of pink.

You need to infect the plant with a mercurial disease, one that slowly drains its life force, only showing external signs of danger when it's teetering on the brink.

You will then try to heal it back to health with one of the various bubbling potions and elixirs you have been working on. Open books were strewn everywhere accompanied by the quills scattered from your note taking.

Black ink spilled on empty pages eerily reminding you of the spies lurking in all the corners of the room, likely reporting your movements back to your alleged stalker.

You knew that they were spying on you from the difference in how the shadow he gave you behaves and the shadows he sent. Although they are scattered in the room, you could recognise where the shadows hide. You look at the potted tree that sits in front of one the bookshelves and see that the shadows are a bit darker than usual and that they are a bit sharper. The movements are calculated and rigid and you know those shadows are on duty.

You try and go back to your work. You've been ignoring the owner of the shadows lately your confrontation took a toll on you and you just didn't want to deal with him.

You've been getting to work early and staying late, Madja doesn't know whether to be impressed or concerned. Every time you try to evade him the Mother always has another plan.

It started when you misplaced a vial that you had been brewing all day of a possible healing potion. Exhaustion and frustration had taken a toll on you and tears began brimming in your eyes when you saw the vial rolling towards you on the ground.

Since then random things have began appearing, always in your aid. Random baked goods you've been known to like, caffeinated beverages during your afternoon slump, misplaced items being mysteriously found, and even a bowl of steaming soup one day when you forgot to eat.

Confronting who is behind this would lead to a lot more confrontations that you just weren't ready to face and let's face it you were so tired that it was a huge help.

You mentally reprimanded yourself for looking forward to the ministrations of your little helpers and you told yourself that if you told him you would be giving him the satisfaction, so you would continue to pretend like you don't notice.

At this point you were fighting a ghost; the push and pull of your feelings towards the shadowsinger were something that had been brewing inside of you and while you had partially aired it out there was a lot more brewing under the surface.

You looked back at the plant, the vivid green colour had begun to slowly fade, and you knew that the toxin had begun to take effect. Just a few more minutes and then you could start experimenting with your various potions.

You had been there since the morning and had lost track of how many hours it had been since sunset. Madja and her apprentices had all left hours ago, leaving you muttering to yourself in her study. You looked more mad scientist than healer, and you knew that if anyone saw your current state, they would be very alarmed and slightly terrified.

When you focused on something, it consumes you; the mere thought of it takes over your mind until you can only focus on that one thing, and right now it was your research. You've heard rumours of a disease spreading throughout Prythian, one that is immune to healing magic due to its degenerative nature.

Your head began to spin. How long had it been since you've eaten? It must have been a little while, but it must have been longer since the last time you had felt the fresh air on your skin.

You sat down on one of the chairs and put your head in your hands, hoping that it would offer you some respite from the sudden onslaught of dizziness.

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts. Did one of the apprentices leave something behind?

"Come in." You try to say as normal as possible, but even that comes out weary like the exhaustion has even worn down your vocal cords.

You feel him before you see him, cobalt siphons glowing under the darkness of night. Wings tucked in and hazel eyes twinkling with the reflection of the stars that shimmered on the hilt of the weapons he bore. A warrior in a place of healing. A destructor in a place meant to fix and heal.

The glow of the candlelight made him look softer; the lines of his face were much less harsh in this light and even his shadows looked less sharp. He almost looked at place in the warm golden golden light surrounded by life and knowledge, you swore the shadows cast by the plants and books had almost turned towards him beckoned by his call.

Right now, he wasn't the terrifying shadow of a warrior's blade, perfectly honed for destruction and so sharp you could barely see it. He was the sun's shadow at dawn, the respite after a long, cold night, lazily stretching out over the horizon. He was the shadow that children play with, the one you find comfort in when your truly alone.

He approached you carefully, like you would run away from him screaming if he got too close. He placed a bag on the table next to you and knelt in front of you.

Picking up your head from your hands, he looks you in your eyes, scanning your face to see what's wrong. His cold gloves are a relief on your warm skin and you begin to close your eyes exhuastion taking over.

"Hey hey. Stay with me now." The words quickly leave his lips and you look up remembering where you are and who your with.

He pulls out something from his bag and hands it to you. Bringing it to your lips you drink what appears to be some sort of enchanted water meant to enhance hydration. Madja must have put him up to this.

He leaves you for a moment to collect yourself, you can't even form words at the point of exhaustion you have reached. When was the last time you had an actual conversation with another individual?

He walks around, taking in the state of your workspace, the various books, potions and piles and piles of notes. You know he's been trying to catch you, trying to spend time with you, but anytime you haven't been here in your little lab you've been with different members of your family to try and make up for lost time.

The back and forth between self-isolation and completely locking yourself up has caused you to burn yourself out. He knew it, and you knew it. Ignoring him was a bit selfish and petty on your part, but you don't have it in you to pretend to care at the moment.

You can't help people if you don't find a cure, and you can't find a cure without working.

You feel your temperature start to lessen and your head is growing less hazy, whatever liquid Azriel had given you had worked wonders.

"So are you going to lecture me now and drag me outside my lab because I will give you the same answer I gave Rhys-"

He cuts you off with a sigh.

"I would never tell you what to do, I only wish you would take care of yourself more." He looks at you, his eyes carrying the weight of secrets that he knew he could never spill. The feelings that he lost the right to divulge.

He would never command your attention directly and after his attempt at trying to emulate Eris had greatly embarrassed him he decided to follow his own approach. Azriel's love was a silent whisper in the dark, it was not meant to be loud or seen for that would defeat the purpose.

If he could make your life only a little bit easier that would be enough for him, he didn't need your care or your devotion the promise of your wellness was enough for him. He was told to back off, but he just couldn't watch you slip away into your work so he sent his shadows to be your silent assistants.

The honesty that shone in his eyes was enough to have your resolve crumbling because this was the Azriel that had admired greatly for so long. The loyal Azriel who would put other's first and cared more than he would ever let on.

He pulls out a sandwich from the mysterious bag he had brought and hands it to you, grabs a chair, and plops himself down directly next to you.

"If you're not going to slow down, then at least let me help you. Whatever you wish me to do, name it and it will be done."

He speaks each word like it's a promise and you look at him wide-eyed, "Do you not have spymaster duties to attend to?"

Without missing a beat, he says, "This is my priority at the moment, any other task is secondary."

You look up at the Mother, she really isn't offering you any sort of respite. Oh well an extra pair of hands is an extra pair of hands and you needed the help considering just a moment ago you were teetering on the brink of collapse.

You begin to eat your sandwich, feeling your energy levels slowly rise. "Alright, but this is only for tonight."

He nods, a look of surprise written across his features like he couldn't believe you didn't shoo him away and that you were actually letting him help. His shadows even perked up and began excitedly swirling around. Is this how your mother felt when she told little you and Rhys that you guys could help her in the kitchen?

You immediately realise that you have never had anyone directly assist you in your lab. You were very particular about each and every thing, which led to you declining help because having someone else in your space was unpredictable and could lead to events out of your control, like how you and Rhys accidentally burned the dinner you were helping with and then were banned from the kitchen by your Mother.

You began giving him instructions on what herbs to grind up, and for each one, he would ask what it was and what it did, asking questions and even looking surprised at the potency of a mere plant. You were actually very excited to tell him about everything; you couldn't talk about it with the healers since they were already so knowledgeable and you didn't want to bore your family to death with idle talk about plants.

He would ask what would happen if you combined various plants and why certain mixtures had to be prepared the way they did. You excitedly divulged on how the properties of certain plants could be enhanced or completely change when mixed with others or exposed to heat.

He stayed out of your way and followed your directions to a tee. When your plant had began to show external bruising you cut it up and began to apply the different elixirs on the different pieces of decaying plant.

Azriel just sat back and watched you work in awe and had his shadows transcribe notes for you in scathing detail, looking it over just to make sure they didn't miss anything. He knew you always complained about how time-consuming the write-ups can be post experiment.

You were on your last elixir, a lilac liquid that was about the same thickness as mud and had smelled like rock dust. The midnight sky was beginning to lighten into a similar color as the potion and you feel your eyes becoming bleary from staying up all night.

Azriel moved your hand to spill a few drops on the final plant stem fragment and you watched the graying decay stop in it's track. You smiled to yourself.

It's not a cure, but it's progress. The first big sign of progress you had made. You look over to Azriel, and he was already looking at you and smiling. His arms were out and next thing you knew, you were buried in his arms, both of you happily laughing.

He picked you up and spun you around. You don't know why the last few times you've seen him have always when you've been so sleep deprived that your inhibitions are borderline non-existent.

He looks away for a moment and nods towards his shadows. They wash over your workspace, like a tidal wave of night, and when they return to him you notice that everything on your desk is in order.

They swirl around his shoulders and he looks proud that he could help you in any matter he could.

"Come on, let's go home." You tell him, scared of the direction this was going in.

He packs up the bag that he brought and holds out his hand.

"If that is what you like, then so be it." You thought he was going to winnow you, but instead, he leads you out the door and down the hall towards a golden spiraling staircase.

You follow him until your senses are assaulted by the elements. Wind on your face and the light that flirts with the horizon. You may have been doomed but your sleep schedule was obliterated.

You walk over to the edge and take a deep breath. You had spent so long cooped up indoors that you had forgotten how nice it felt to feel fresh air on your skin. You go up to the railing of the roof, and Azriel follows, standing right next to you.

He was silent, and you were glad for it. The lack of words somehow made this moment even more intimate, and you cursed your treacherous heart for the way it beat perfectly in tune with the shadowsinger, as if you were playing a duet.

"I don't know if I ever told you this, but you truly are a genius. You are truly in your element. I could spend eternity watching you work and wish for an eternity more only to see it again."

His voice is shadows and whispers and everything you have to fight yourself to get lost in.

Light breaks over the horizon, and a sliver of sun catches the gold in his eyes. You can't even tell which is brighter, and you think it may be the smile he wears. He's looking at you as if you were the first light of day after a hundred years of night, you see awe, admiration, and something else you don't want to read too much into because it would be your ruin if it were true and your destruction if it were false.

That you could immortalise this moment and never let it go. That you could pretend that all the history and pain had never happened and you could just be existing like you were right now.

"I used to think the same way when I first saw you fight with your shadows. Before, it seemed like they controlled you, but those times when they become an extension of you, you become night incarnate, and it never fails to leave me in awe."

Your voice is soft, your words a silent admission, for his shadows are an extension of himself, and while many look away in fear, you admire them and by extension him. Azriel has fought in wars, he has won valor and admiration from his time on the battlefield.

He has medals and a title that only a few warriors can claim and in the face of all he has achieved this single compliment from you may be the single greatest accomplishment that he has achieved in his long fae life. He wishes he could imprint your words on his skin and wear it for the rest of his days.

His cheeks redden, you notice. The almighty shadowsinger doesn't blush. Have you embarrassed him? Did you say something wrong? Oh gods maybe you shouldn't have said anything about the shadows.

You open your mouth to apologise when he swiftly scoops you and shoots towards the sky.

"Azriel!" You yell at him, the surprise of the moment catching you off guard, and then he is laughing. You guys soar through the skies, taking in the beauty of the sunrise. Lilac, gold, pink and orange blending together in perfect harmony.

You are so entranced you didn't even realise you made it home until Azriel plops you on your feet and you almost sink to the floor tiredness hitting you all at once making your legs feel like jelly.

He smirks and then picks you up bridal style and triumphantly carries you into the house, with the stealth that one only obtains from years of being a spymaster. You felt like you were teenagers sneaking around after you'd been forbidden to see one another.

It's a feeling you're cherishing a lot more than you would care to admit. It's not until you make it to your room and his shadows close the door behind you that he begins to grin before throwing you on your bed.

You land with an "Oof."

You give him a look of betrayal.

"I had to make up for being softer on the landing than usual somehow."

You both look at each other and burst into laughter.

The mask of the spymaster left broken in tatters somewhere on the floor of your lab hours ago, and he didn't even care to look for it.

"Who knew you had a had sense of humour Az. Where have you been hiding it all these years?"

You had called him Az. At this rate he would turn into Cassian, stupid jokes flying from his mouth in rapid succession just to hear you call him Az.

"Is that what you want for me to turn into another Cassian?" He asks jokingly, well at least half joking.

You looked at him and then doubled down on the fit of laughter you were having, tears streaming from your eyes.

"As much as I would love to see that, I think Cassian would throw a temper tantrum at you taking his spot. I like you as you are, you are my calm in the everlasting storm, becoming a clown doesn't suit you."

You say as you begin to catch your breath from all the laughter and wipe your tears from your eyes.

He doesn't understand how you could just make these world-breaking statements and just look completely fine while his stomach was in knots and his heart was in a twist from your words alone.

He gives you a small smile, one reserved for only you, and he begins to depart. You needed your rest and so did he.

"I would tell you goodnight, but I'm afraid we are way past that at this point. So until next time, I will bid you farewell."

He looks to you to see you already strewn out on your bed fast asleep. He leaves his shadows to change you into your nightclothes and make sure you are comfortable in bed and he smiles to himself as he closes your door and heads to his room where sleep welcomes him instead of drags him under for the first time since he had fallen asleep in your room.

-

Your words to Azriel about his assistance being a one time thing had turned into a lie. He would show up at odd hours whenever he had down time, sometimes before a mission sometimes directly after.

You guys had fallen into a routine of sorts, and it was actually helping your productivity and you got to get out of writing those treacherous reports.

You had preferred him to come at night though, since an Illyrian warrior did tend to draw a lot of attention during the day and all the apprentices and even Madja herself give you a knowing look whenever Azriel enters the building.

You had been getting a lot closer with your final result with Azriel's help and while you haven't fully figured out a way to reverse the cell degradation you had managed to stop it and in combination with other potions you, with the help of Azriel, had developed you could at least stabalize a patient enough that their life could be saved.

Huge progress. Groundbreaking progress. The night you had made that discovery you let out a scream so loud that Madja came rushing in from her dwelling on the floor above. Her worry had quickly turned to elation as you guys stayed there excitedly reviewing your work while Azriel just silently lingered in the background.

She then brought both of you into a bone-crushing hug with a strength that no one her age should possess, and made you present your findings to all the healers at her monthly briefings and then again to the inner circle.

They were all eyeing you and Azriel curiously, you weren't surprised by this since they knew that he was your mate and everything that had gone down since that discovery.

Right now you were still tinkering with the potion, seeing if there was a way to make it more effective when Madja had walked in with a smirk.

"Your shadowsinger is here to see you." Mother above you swear she could be worse than the adolescent apprentices at times.

"He's not my anything, you don't have to say it like that." You give her a retort and feel like your back in school pretending you don't have a crush.

"If you say so." She says shit-eating grin plastered on her face. The lines around her eyes reflect all the years and experience she has on you, and while her words were lighthearted, there is wisdom behind them.

Azriel strides in looking frantic, his shadows were rapidly swirling around him, and he was obviously in a rush. He rushes to you and grabs your arms in his hands.

"I have a mission, it's urgent, and I don't know how long I'll be gone."

Your heart fell, you're going to miss his company, but he is never this way when he goes on a mission. You then realise why he's here. He doesn't know if he's going to make it or not.

You've only seen him this way on a handful of missions, and each time he returned from one, he had come back on the brink of death. His line of work asks for payment in the form of risk and for once you wanted to ask him to stay. You had a bad feeling.

"You have my shadow if you need it. If anything happens, you can tell him." Azriel tells you like he is briefing his soldiers for war or his spies for a mission.

You nod your head scared your voice would betray you. You hide your face in his chest and he wraps his arms around you. Half the reason was you wanting to be closer before your separated and the other half is to hide the tears threatening to spill over your waterline.

You stayed there for a minute until you felt the pulse of his shadows. He's being called somewhere. He has to go.

You pull away and his hand goes from your head to caressing your cheek wiping away the stray tear that begins to fall.

"Come back to me in one piece. I mean it Azriel." You whisper to him like commanding him to be safe would protect his life. You gave him a lifeline, but even that wasn't enough to soothe the worry beginning to bloom in your chest.

"I would fight the Mother herself if she stood between us. I mean it." The words are a vow and you knew he spoke the truth.

Before you could say anything else he disappeared in a wave of shadow, leaving only a small silver bag in his wake. You can't bring yourself to open it not right now.

You knew in your chest that Azriel was not going to be back for a little while if at all. You fall to the ground and cry as Madja holds you together.

-

The next 2 weeks had felt like an eternity. No word from Azriel, Rhys refused to divulge what kind of mission he was on, and Cassian missed his training buddy. Even your pet fox seemed down in Azriel's absence.

You opened the silver bag a week later, and it had been a little plush bed for your fox with a note that read:

"For your new apprentice, may he keep you good company in my absence. - Az"

You missed him. You weren't even going to pretend like the questioning eyes of the healer's apprentices silently asking you where your Illyrian went and if everything was alright didn't get to you.

That the occasional stabbing of fear and worry down the bond didn't cause sleepless nights and that you woke up from countless nightmares, clutching your chest to make sure the bond was intact and he was still alive.

14 days it had been.

The longest 14 days of your life.

You were in Madja's, well basically your, office when you felt him. He was near. He had to be. You felt the bond light up and then start screaming and then he emerged from the shadows.

Your excitement had quickly turned to horror as you saw that the leathers on his chest had been singed, almost disintegrated off and his skin was a darker color than the shadows.

"Azriel!" You screamed physically and mentally for Rhys, for Madja, for anyone who could hear.

Rhys was there in a second, and Madja right after, running through the doors. Feyre, Cassian, and Feyre winnowed in mere moments later.

A jolt of pain like you never knew burned in your chest and you felt the bond flicker.

Madja rushed to her shelves, quickly beginning her work, no time to spare to even process what's happening.

Rhys looks at you with a look of complete panic on his face, "What's happening? You can feel him."

"He's slipping away Rhys. I can't-"

Madja yells your name, a reminder that the longer you spend panicking over Azriel's, the less time he has to live.

You rush to Madja, the bond act like a physical hourglass making you feel Azriel's time slowly run out, and race against it to save your Mate.

-

Somewhere which also happens to be nowhere the Mother is about to make her next move when she sees Azriel's piece, which is ironically white and not black like the colour of his shadows, has a gray spot. It's the gray of ash and destruction not the gray of swords and stones.

She looks at face, confusion written in her features to meet an identical expression.

"This is not my doing. Not even when time ceases to exist and we are all that's left in this plane of existence would I resort to this kind of cheating."

The gray begins to burn through the piece, a visible plague infecting it from within.

The Mother and Fate pause.

He stills. "You don't think?"

He couldn't even get the words out, scared that the dark reality would come true if he even spoke of it.

The Mother's features become grave. "There is a dark magic in Prythian, I fear it's now up to them to stop it."

-

Note: Hey guys, long time no see. This is actually the longest chapter of why me? that I have written. I wanted to make up for the little break that I took. I felt like I had lost my footing in the story and now I really know where I want it to go. This chapter did take a turn or two or three, but at the heart of this chapter is their relationship and those good moments that we haven't seen that many of. It's the first chapter that I can wholeheartedly say they are being their true selves and it felt really good to get to the point of writing this. I'm sorry I had to leave it on a cliff hanger, I can't be too generous, I have to keep you guys on your toes. Gasp** a dark magic? I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out what it is. Until next time my darlings!

note note: At this point you all know I have a problem with editing, it just takes so long to write you can't ask me to sit down and basically rewrite it again what am i a professional? (in truth i am just lazy). So thank you to my typo police that catch anything that makes the story slightly illegible I appreciate y'all and all my readers for following along with me <3

my lovely taglist: @alimarie1105 @chaosabroad @bbontenswhhore @tele86 @ashblooddragons @circe143 @i-am-infinite @princesssunderworld @thestartitaness @tiffany-xx @cpfantasybooks @lucia-valentinaa @jennigsonl @ivy-34 @firefly-forest @k-homosapien @coeurdeveea @cherryjain17 @bckynatt @becstersworld @rcarbo1 @gojospearlycim @atluky @juliebluehufflepuff @willowpains @abadfantasybook @neverendingstay @hellohauntedturnstudent @highladyofhogwarts @littowl @iluvyewman-blog @lunaticpotatoe @justlivinginadaydream @julesiebean @shylahstarzz @olive-main @lreadsstuff @noonenuts @sourapplex @aquellaspequenascosas @anuttellaa @honethatty12 @moonlwghts @kittymeyers @beabogsims @sillyfreakfanparty @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @lilah-asteria @chicaconfundidaycuriosa @florencemtrash

[project-sekai-facts]

What grinds my gears is what when people say that the reason Kana5 is bad due to it trying to make Mafumon sympathetic.

A couple have even gone as far as saying that Kana5 is as bad as Toya5 for the same reason and I-

Look. I deeply understand the idea of abusers being more complicated than simply “evil trash” is hard to comprehend. And I may sound insensitive but,

They need to grow up. They should not let their biases cloud their judgement and assume something is bad just because a piece of media has something they personally don’t like

the difference between harumichi and mafuyumum is their awareness.

harumichi - fully aware of what he is doing, fully aware his son is his own person and does not stop him despite heavy disapproval

mafumum - completely oblivious to what she is doing to mafuyu, projecting an idealised version of mafuyu onto her (and possibly an idealised version of herself)

harumichi working toya to the bone is him applying how he learnt to toya. the intent was not to physically/emotionally harm toya but that is what ended up happening (physical exhaustion is to be expected, he should not have forced toya to keep working but he deals with the same so he probably doesn't think it's a big deal). that said, he is fully aware of the fact he is taking away from toya's childhood, and admits this in concerto that toya's life was not "normal".

mafumum is entirely unaware of her abuse to mafuyu. this is repeatedly made clear in events post sayonara persona. mafudad relays to her what mafuyu tells him and she's incredibly distressed to learn that she'd been hurting mafuyu and she doesn't know what she did wrong. she can be manipulative, but she's not aware that she's being malicious, she thinks she's genuinely doing what's best for her child who she loves. there's also some context clues such as her young age compared to other parents, the fact she doesn't have a job and the fact she's at a lower social standing to her husband that suggest she may also be projecting the life she didn't get onto mafuyu.

harumichi being given the attempted sympathetic backstory doesn't work. he is neglectful towards his son, but is slowly easing out of these ways a little bit. toya has already begun to make ammends without the need for making harumichi sympathetic. he's a bad parent who did a bad thing knowingly.

with mafumum it is justified. in her first appearance, we see her from the biased viewpoint of kanade, who sees her as a cold and neglectful parent towards mafuyu. however from mafuyu's pov, she is a loving mother who is misguided in how she shows this love. this is what unreliable notes is about. mafumum is a bad parent who did a bad thing unknowingly. she is sympathetic because she is a troubled mother coming to terms with the fact she ruined her child's life.

both characters are loved by their children by virtue of them being their parents. the story is going to convey that no matter how bad they are as people. yes, forgiving abusers in fiction is overdone and to some degree unrealistic, however we do not yet know if that is where the story will go. all we know is that there will be a reconciliation. but even if mafumum specifically gets forgiven, it would not be unjustified. i feel like the first impression we get of mafumum from Kanade POV left a strong impact on a lot of people that they can't let go of. the whole point of the current arc is to let that go. the game builds her up as this malicious antagonistic force so that it can deconstruct that when we get to see her from an unbiased POV. she's not a villain like many people make her out to be, she's a human who made a mistake. a very bad and very big mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. she is a loving mother who fucked up really badly because she was too obsessed over perfection to actually see her daughter for who she is.

if the writers try and make us forgive harumichi though fuck them he fucking sucks. like i feel like toya will because he's like that yknow but i don't think the audience should feel sympathetic towards him.

[hbatfam98]

I have a headcannon that Batman is The supportive father.

In the normal sense that he would support his kids in whatever path they choose (vigilante, doctor, anything that's not a straight up war criminal really), supports and funds all their hobbies and passions and after seeing how hesitant the first kid to come out to him was, had pride flags hanging in every corner of the batcave, made pride pins that were safe to wear with their vigilante uniforms and maybe even brings back rainbow batman for a day if any of his kids were having a really hard time.

But also, he absolutely refuses to critique/scold any of his kids in public/in front of others.

Dick skips school because a travelling circus is coming to Gotham and claims his absence is because of a family emergency? (He doesn't know how to explain to Bruce that yes it will hurt to see the performers but it would also feel like returning home. That even though he loves his life now he still missed being in the circus) When the school calls Bruce that night, Bruce lectures Dick on the importance of honesty and "next time just tell me you want to go to the circus chum, I'd have sorted it out. I hope u had fun kid and... if u want, only if u want, we could go to one together sometime? I heard there was a show in Bludhaven next week..." Then the next day Bruce drops Dick off at his class and walks into that school sobbing, blubbering about how his emotional support cat had died and it was a miracle Dick was able to return to school so soon.

Bruce gets called down to a fancy store because Jason, who was wearing his old clothes, got accused of shoplifting? Bruce is there in seconds lecturing the store owner about how disgusting it was to judge his son based on his clothes, until littleJay tugs on his shirt and whispers "I did it." After which he lectures the store owner for having the checkout at the wrong place in the store, that's why his precious boy got confused! (And in the meantime discreetly slips Jason a $200 bill) "Did you even ask my kid if he had the money or did u just assume huh? Oh you didn't ask? Well why don't you ask him now Mr.Prick?" and Jason gleefully shows him the bill. Then in the car ride back home Jason admits that he was trying to steal the pretty pen because he wanted to give Bruce a nice present for father's day but he didn't have enough saved up and Bruce lectures him on honesty, trust and "I don't need an expensive gift sweetheart. Having u with me, to celebrate father's day with and knowing that u wanted to do something nice for me is all I need. .. the second best gift would be if u would give me a private showing of ur big speech in your school play?" (And that's how the tradition of Jason performing some monologue from his current favourite play every father's day started)

And the lectures/scolding for his kids only happening in private carries over to their vigilante life too. Batman will point out any mistake made by JL, in front of the criminals they are currently in the process of apprehending. Reading any post mission report he wrote feels like being back at school and getting back an assignment covered in red ink.

Then the younger heroes start joining. Now, the batkids are trained well - they make fewer mistakes than most of the JL - but mistakes still happen.

Nightwing makes the wrong judgement call and one of the criminals almost gets away. The JL members hold their breath as Batman drags the criminal back, ready to step in if he's too harsh. "Sorry Bats, I thought it was the right call to make" Dick mutters disappointed with himself and all Batman says is "it happens." The next day Batman advices Nightwing on what to consider when making those decisions and how to train yourself to make them in the moment. The post mission report just reads "one criminal slipped away but was apprended moments later. More manpower would have been optimal for this mission"

In the middle of another mission the rushed voice of Oracle comes through the comms, "they've hacked our comms, I wasn't fast enough to stop them. I am turning comms off now so our communications aren't compromised." *Click* The JL have to rely on silent communication and guesswork to complete the rest of the mission. Once it's over, Batman pull out his cellphone, "Oracle, we have completed the mission. Everyone is safe. Do u need help regaining control of our comms?" When they make it back to the watchtower, Batman stays by Oracle's side and they figure out what the weak point was and how to keep it better protected. The post mission report just reads, "Comms was compromised. JL should train in silent communication to be better prepared for such circumstances."

Older JL members are so jeealouss. After these incidents, when he was lecturing one of the members post mission he hears some of them mutter about favouritism. But it wasn't exactly favouritism...

Which they realise when Kid Flash, sent to scout out a location beforehand misses a hidden latch. In the middle of the 'negotiation', goons spring out of the secret room and attack. Once they are all tied up, Batman stalks over to Kid Flash - whose adrenaline was coming down and it was dawning on him that this only happened because he missed something. "I'm so sorry Mr. Ba-" "Show me your arm kid" Batman says as he folds up Wally's arm so he can better examine where Wally had skinned his elbow when he fell during the fight - it wasn't even really bleeding. Still Batman is thorough in making sure it is properly disinfected and bandaged up and when Wally tries to apologise again during this he says, "It's a secret room kid, it was meant to be easy to miss." When they're back at the watchtower, Batman pulls Wally aside to lecture him about how it's better to slow down and take a few extra seconds when needed, and then hands him a file with all the tricks Batman had learnt to spot things that are not quite right more easily. The post mission report just reads, "was ambushed by 5 attackers, they were subdued in 8 minutes. JL should have more trainings im responding to ambushes."

Batman never wanted children (not just his) to be so afraid of his reaction that they wouldn't come to him for help if they had made a mistake. Yes, they will have to suffer through lectures if they made a mistake that could have been easily avoided, but that will always only happen after everything gets sorted out and everyone is in a safe place again. Soon, much to the confusion and shock of older JL members, young heroes, though hesitantly, regularly go to Batman to ask for advice.

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 35.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

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A/n: did y'all like that last little part of the previous chapter? heheheh it's beginning. this is a very short and sweet chapter for some comedic relief from the heaviness of the last few chapters, but still contains a bit of important development. <3 Also, if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee! If you would prefer to read Rehab on Archive, you may do so right HERE!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. / rehab masterlist 2. chapter 34

When the Avengers returned to Wakanda again, everyone was in a state of bittersweet triumph. The case had been won, the world was aware, and now it was a battle of public scrutiny.

Tony and Steve were walking side by side, both of them quiet and shoulders tensed. Neither of them had said a single word since embarking on the journey back to Wakanda, too angry and distraught by the trial to formulate proper thought.

Clint had managed to calm Wanda down, but due to the amount of people that had been thinking so strongly in the room, Wanda had become nauseous and had gotten a massive migraine. Maria had stayed behind in the US to deal with anymore legal fallout, and Natasha had been stone-faced the whole way; playing with a knife as she spaced out.

Shuri had been the only one out of the group to keep her head held high, ready and determined to begin rooting out the rest of HYDRA. When the aircraft had landed back in Wakanda, Shuri and the Avengers wasted no time in getting to Shuri's lab to begin planning.

However, as the group made it into Shuri's lab, they were surprised to see Sam and Bucky both sitting with (Y/n) as they watched a TV show.

Steve didn't know what it was, his eyes squinting, but Natasha smirked as she recognized the show. Currently, Bucky and Sam seemed to be in a semi-heated debate, Bucky gesturing to the TV with a large frown.

"Oh, come on! Salt rounds wouldn't work like that."

Bucky shook his head, adding with a frown as he watched Dean Winchester blow a door straight off of the hinges with his sawed-off shotgun.

"He would have dislocated his shoulder unless he was enhanced."

Sam gave Bucky an exasperated look, gesturing to the screen as well.

"Dude, it's fiction. You're not supposed to be critiquing and fact-checking the demon hunters."

Bucky pressed more, looking as though he was genuinely stressed out.

"Listen, you go clearing a room like that, and you're asking for trouble."

(Y/n), who had been sitting quietly and observing with a curious and calculating look, said quietly with a serious tone to her voice.

"No perimeter established. Tactics are flawed. The target could have slipped out through the window. It was open the whole time."

Sam gave (Y/n) a raised eyebrow as he crossed his arms.

"Oh, you're gonna critique a fictional show too?"

(Y/n) gave Sam a serious look, tilting her head a bit as Bucky smirked triumphantly at Sam from over her shoulder.

"It was sloppy. With no perimeter established and poor tactic execution, there will never be success in the mission. They must do better."

Sam grumbled to himself, and Natasha smirked at Steve as the man gave the woman a look of surprise.

"Looks like she's learning how to relax one Winchester takedown at a time."

Steve's lips twitched slightly, the amusement steady but half-hearted. He watched as Natasha plopped down beside (Y/n), asking her as Natasha glanced at the screen.

"What are you nerds watching, (Y/n)?"

(Y/n) glanced at Bucky and Sam for a moment, almost unsure, before looking back at Natasha with a shy look on her face.

"it is Supernatural...about two brothers that hunt monsters and...save people. It is sloppy."

Natasha smirked widely, amused by the seriousness in (Y/n)'s voice, and Steve sat down next to Bucky, who looked at the man with a silent but knowing look. Steve didn't have to say anything, Bucky nodding to him quietly.

I've got you back.

I know you do.

Tony groaned as he let his head fall back and rolled his eyes.

"Seriously? This is what you settled on? Have a little dignity, would you?"

Shuri just sighed, shaking her head as she quietly watched from the back. From just the small amount of time that the team had been gone, it seemed that Bucky and Sam had been able to jump forward in progress with (Y/n). While the woman still seemed to be shy, it was apparent that she was slowly opening up.

While using a show wasn't the most conventual way to make (Y/n) comfortable, Shuri had to admit that the fact (Y/n) was adding critique so freely was a good sign. Quietly, as the show continued and the group kept watching, Shuri began to work in her corner of the lab.

Sam began to try to explain the plot of Supernatural to Tony, but Tony didn't seem to be interested; already set with his opinion that the show was horrible. Natasha and (Y/n) stayed quiet as they continued to watch, and Steve raised his brow at the show with a skeptic look on his face.

"So...a TV show, huh?"

Bucky stated with a half-hearted annoyed look on his face.

"It wasn't my idea. Sam thought it'd be good to introduce (Y/n) to the latest pop culture, and she seems to enjoying it."

Steve joked quietly although the exhaustion and distraught demeanor was apparent.

"More like critiquing."

"She's making good points."

Bucky shrugged, and then the man became quiet again. Quietly, he spoke to Steve, saying as Sam began to bicker with Tony in the background much louder.

"Dr. Raynor called. Said she saw the whole trial and she wants to pick up (Y/n)'s case. She's gonna get in touch with you and Tony soon."

Steve looked surprised before he turned back to the screen and watched with a wince as the scene became a bit grotesque from the gore.

"I imagine that you're not very happy about it."

Bucky was quiet for a moment, glancing over at (Y/n) subtly, and he was almost surprised to see (Y/n) eyeing him quietly as well. Her gaze, however, was simply neutral; just listening before becoming distracted by Natasha beginning to critique and ask (Y/n) her opinions on the combat techniques. Bucky glanced at Steve, murmuring quietly.

"As much as I hate the idea of Raynor trying to help, she did make some pretty good points. Unless (Y/n) is receiving professional help with her rehabilitation, she'll have a harder time adapting to society when the time comes."

Steve nodded thoughtfully before he said comfortingly.

"I know Dr. Raynor is abrasive, but I think this is going to be good for (Y/n) in the long run."

Bucky stayed quiet, mulling over Steve's words before Steve added with another grimace as he continued watching the show as the over-the-top action sequence continued.

"You know, I might have to agree with Tony on this one."

Suddenly, (Y/n) spoke up again, the group regarding her with serious looks as they actively listened, (Y/n)'s eyes firmly on the screen as she pursed her lips into a small line.

"The tall one-he should have double-checked his exits. There's too much backlighting. He would have been shot before he made it to the stairs."

Tony exclaimed, gesturing to the screen as he agreed.

"See, she gets it. The shows a joke. You don't just walk into a haunted house like it's an everyday trip to Costco."

Sam gave Tony an amused look, leaning back in his seat.

"You say that as if you've been to haunted houses and a Costco."

Tony deadpanned slightly, giving Sam a look.

"I've been to both. One is full of ghosts, and the other is a haunted house."

Natasha snorted while Bucky and Steve gave Tony a confused look, and Sam just shook his head. (Y/n) looked unsure of what to do before glancing at Bucky as he spoke.

"She's not wrong. I'd take her over Dean Winchester in a fight any day."

(Y/n) then frowned, speaking as seriously as she could.

"That is not a fair comparison. He makes too much noise."

Steve couldn't help but to laugh gently, and Tony raised his hands in mock-surrender.

"I rest my case."

As the show continued on and the group continued to bicker and critique among each other, Steve took a moment to observe (Y/n). it was the first time he had actually sat together with her, despite the setting being in a group, but it was the first time he had an opportunity to interact with her; to really see her.

She was completely different than when Steve had first encountered her.

There was no more hostility and danger that stayed attached to her like a weapon in the earlier days of her recovery. No emptiness, no calculating looks, no cold precision that exuded from the soldier. Instead, Steve began to see a woman that was starting to become free from the weight of HYDRA one dry critique at a time.

She was sitting stiffly, her hands in her lap and shoulders small as if she wasn't sure if she was allowed to take up the space that she was in, but Steve watched as (Y/n)'s eyes darted around. She was listening, observing, learning, and living within the moment.

It made Steve feel happy despite the images that were still haunting his mind. Instead, a new image began to form: a woman who was slowly reclaiming her humanity; learning to be more than what HYDRA, Rollins, and Holloway had made her.

Steve was proud. He was proud of (Y/n), but he was also proud of the group attempting to give (Y/n) a sense of what human normalcy was. Steve glanced away from (Y/n) when Bucky nudged him softly, his face looking forlorn as he murmured.

"I also found some things out too...about Rebecca."

Steve was surprised, not having expected Bucky to mention his little sister, and he asked.

"What did you find out?"

Bucky's lips turned up slightly into a sad smile, glancing at Steve.

"I found out she had kids...a son and a daughter...and she named her son after me."

Steve was floored, the surprise evident on his face, and he asked.

"How did you find this out?"

Bucky swallowed thickly and explained quietly.

"I found (Y/n)'s Aunt Mavis...the woman that took (Y/n) to Shelbyville for the summers. Mavis and Rebecca knew each other, and then (Y/n) met Rebecca through Mavis. Mavis told me everything."

Steve was quiet, his eyes staring into Bucky's as the weight of his words settled over the man, and Steve finally asked him.

"Have you met them?"

Bucky let out a humorless chuckle.

"How could I? I doubt they would even know or remember anything about me. It'd be for the best to let them keep living their lives."

"Buck, you don't have to shut them out like that. I'm sure they'd love to get to know their uncle."

Bucky shook his head, his lips pressing into a line as he became apprehensive.

"I doubt they would want to know their uncle that used to be an assassin and killed hundreds of people."

Steve gave Bucky a firm look, but before Steve could reply, Tony exclaimed as he gestured to the show with a teasing tone to his voice.

"Hey, Cap, that guy kind of looks like you."

Steve spun his head around, the sudden callout immediately stealing his attention, and his eyes went onto the screen. There was a new character on the screen that he hadn't seen yet, black hair and blue eyes and a long trench coat on his shoulders. Steve frowned heavily in confusion, but before he could ask for elaboration, Tony stated.

"Emotionally constipated, confused, horrible sense of fashion. They've got you down to a T."

Steve looked taken back, an offended look coming upon his face.

"Horrible sense of fashion? I dress nicely."

Before Tony could retort, Sam pointed out with a playful but accusatory look on his face.

"I thought you hated the damn show. Why the hell are you still watching?"

Tony waved Sam off, shaking his head.

"It's helping me to debate on if I need to buy the studio to give them a few pointers and help them with that horrible writing."

Natasha chuckled, and (Y/n) suddenly glanced over at her, murmuring.

"Can we have another bath today?"

Natasha immediately nodded, giving (Y/n) a soft expression.

"After the day I've had? I think a bath and some wine sounds fantastic."

At the subtle mention of the court trial, (Y/n) became quiet, everyone within the room immediately noticing. (Y/n) looked down at her lap, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, and she murmured soft enough that it was almost a whisper.

"Thank you...for...fighting for me."

Her eyes flicked back up to the screen, her shyness slowly melting away again as (Y/n) began to watch the show again. Natasha was gently smiling at the woman, simply observing her, and Steve looked surprised by the shy thanks.

Tony's expression became observant as he watched the woman with a gentle look within his eyes. Bucky and Sam shared a look, but it was Tony who broke the silence and made (Y/n) look at him.

"We're the Avengers, kid, it's kind of what we do."

(Y/n) didn't say anything at first, only staring Tony down with a quiet look of content before she nodded once, and her eyes went back to the screen. Bucky glanced at Tony, who looked right back at him, and for once, Bucky felt a new sense of understanding build between them both.

Suddenly, Steve's phone rang, and Bucky immediately knew exactly who it was without having to look at the caller ID or inquire. Steve simply glanced at Bucky with a quiet nod before he stood, and Natasha sighed, stretching her legs.

"Alright, that's enough horrible writing for one night. Let's go take that bath, (Y/n). Maybe we can have Wanda join. I think she's gonna need a girl's night just as bad as we do."

(Y/n) nodded, slowly standing up, and her feet were silent as she padded across the room after Natasha. Steve left to a quieter part of the lab, and Sam, Bucky, and Tony were left to sit together.

The silence was comfortable but heavy, the show slowly being forgotten, and Shuri stepped forward finally, the men turning to look at her as she stood before them. Shuri ran a hand through her braids, sighing slightly.

"I have done some research into the locations that Rollins gave us during Mr. Rogers' interrogation. It seems the task of rooting out HYDRA will be much more difficult than we anticipated. Most of these locations are very high-profile places with many high-profile individuals. Taking these people down will only incite more legal ramifications...and will be a very long and difficult process."

Sam asked, crossing his arms as he sat back in his seat, immediately slipping back into business as he looked at the woman.

"How bad are we talking?"

Shuri sat down where (Y/n) and Natasha had been sitting, her frown deep as she spoke.

"We are no longer talking about abandoned HYDRA facilities or labs. We're talking about people in power and with intricate reach: CEO's, Senators, World Leaders, the list goes on. If we are not careful and do not strategize this to the very letter, we risk starting a war that we cannot control."

Bucky frowned, clenching his jaw slightly before he glanced down at the floor, and Tony sighed before asking Shuri.

"Alright, then what do you want to do?"

Shuri clasped her hands together, pursing her lips.

"With something so complex as this, I believe the best course of action is to enlist the help of Nicholas Fury. With Fury's extensive knowledge, background, and connections, we might be able to move much more quietly within the shadows."

Shuri paused before looking at the men within the room.

"Instead of HYDRA hiding among us...we must hide among them."

-

STORY NOTES: The scene opens to the Avengers returning to Wakanda after the court case, sullen despite the triumph over the case. When they go to Shuri's lab to discuss their next steps in taking down the rest of HYDRA, they are surprised to see Sam, Bucky and (Y/n) watching Supernatural. Sam and Bucky are bickering with each other about the action elements in the show, and (Y/n) begins to critique the show as well. At the revelation of (Y/n)'s relaxation and settling, Natasha points out the observation before engaging with (Y/n) about the show.

Steve sits to begin watching the show with them as well, and Tony makes his appearance to jab about the show. On the other side of the lab, Shuri quietly begins to research into the locations that Rollins had provided during his interrogation. Steve inquires about the show with Bucky, and Bucky explains that it was Sam's idea to put on and observes that (Y/n) seemed to be enjoying it despite her dry critiques. Bucky then tells Steve about his phone call with Dr. Raynor, and Steve says that Bucky must not be very happy about it. Bucky disagrees, telling Steve that (Y/n) will have a harder time adapting to society without professional help. Steve offers his input, stating that it would be good for her in the long run.

The moment is broken by (Y/n) critiquing the show again, and Tony agrees, making a joke about the show. The rest of the group chimes in and begins to bicker playfully with each other, Steve takes the time to observe (Y/n). He recalls how hostile (Y/n) had been during his first interaction with her when she was still under HYDRA's control and how different she is compared to now. He mulls over her a little bit more before thinking of how proud he is of the woman for trying, and his thoughts are broken by Bucky revealing the bombshell about his sister.

Bucky then goes on to tell Steve how he found the information out, telling Steve about (Y/n)'s Aunt Mavis, and Steve asks if Bucky has gone to meet his niece and nephew. Bucky tells him no, and remarks that he doubted they would want to meet him due to his past as the Winter Soldier. Before Steve can retort, Tony makes a jab about Steve being like Castiel, and the group begins to bicker again. The bickering is stopped by (Y/n) asking Natasha if they could take a bath later, and Natasha agrees. When Natasha makes a subtle comment about the court trial, (Y/n) becomes quiet before thanking the group for fighting for her. Tony responds by simple stating that they were the Avengers, and 'that's what we do'. At the sound of Steve's phone ringing, Natasha takes that as a cue to exit with (Y/n), and Sam, Bucky, and Tony are left alone together.

Shuri then approaches the three men, informing them of her research into the HYDRA facilities, and reveals that the locations and research indicate that the circumstances have become more complex due to the remainder of HYDRA being high-profile individuals. When Tony asks Shuri what her desire to do is, Shuri suggests calling Nicholas Fury for help due to his connections, background, and extensive knowledge of espionage. She suggests to turn the tides: Instead of HYDRA hiding within them, they were going to hide within HYDRA. End scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

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TAGLIST: @softpia @thebl00dwyrm @buckvoidsyy @chonkybonky @seemsxsketchy @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @mgchaser @aash3 @samfunko @seventeen-x @valckenaux @babybeeelle @sc4rrc @cjand10 @bane-y-zane @notsostrangerthing @thenameswinter99 @bumblebeebutter @torntaltos

[ingravinoveritas]

Speaking choices. It shows who a person is to repost the Jesus on the cross scene from GO and the importance of kindness and then spend the entire weekend shitting on a person’s social media posts because you think they didn’t express their love for their spouse enough or reposted something with or without knowing the possible problematic content and a picture you dislike.

Why do you spend your time picking apart someone’s lives? Do you think David Tennant would thank you that you are the breeder of critical content about his wife? That you and the others pick at every little thing searching for secret meanings that their relationship is a sham or abusive. It’s all well and fine to not be a fan of someone, but you do realize you are a creating a bullying atmosphere and encouraging others to judge a person by their social media posts. This is not the kind behavior you claim to want.

There are actual real and immediate problems in this world. The government is kidnapping people and putting them into gulags. A new Joseph Goebbles wants to “cure” autism and speaks about the autistic population in dehumanizing and dangerous language. This woman is not your enemy. She has never hurt you. She has never wronged you. And the fact you cannot help but revel in a completely benign post by being a judgmental, self-important, self-righteous person says more about you than her. The fact you spend your time attacking her than people doing you actually harm is really telling. Even if her social media posts can be awkward at least she’s fighting for social injustices, too.

Again, David Tennant would not thank you for what you are doing. You don’t know him. You don’t know his wife. And the fact that you think you do is really unsettling.

A person is not only who they are from their social media posts. From your posts I would presume you have a erotomania fixation on two actors and attack their spouse and partner because you think they’re unworthy of your fixations. I would think you are an arrogant, self-important individual who craves attention from sycophants. But I know that social media is not who we only are and I know you probably try to do good in this world. I don’t doubt you are someone who capable of kindness, but from what I see on your blog is hypocritical to your post asking for a kinder world. Do better.

Hello, Anon.

I hope this helped you feel better. I can tell that you must have a lot on your mind, to make the choice to put this message in my inbox. To say all of this--well, I suppose not to my face, since we are online and you're anonymous--but directly to me, or at least to the person you think I am.

In point of correction, I did not "spend the entire weekend shitting on someone's social media posts." I barely had time to even be on Tumblr this past weekend because of what I was actually doing.

What I did this weekend was take care of my parents. Not sleep, because my mother, who has Parkinson's, needed my help to get from bed to the bathroom at 4:30 in the morning. Ran around to the point of exhaustion helping my dad, who is still not very mobile because of his fractured ankle, and cooking an entire Easter dinner for the first time ever. All of this while also processing and coping with the emotions of that same day being exactly 20 years to the day my grandmother passed away. My Grandma, who always made every Easter so special.

That is what I did this weekend. And in the tiny moments where I didn't want to either cry or collapse, I posted on Tumblr. And out of the 1,000+ asks in my inbox, I answered two that were right at the top, because they were the easiest to answer. I also received multiple DMs that came in from others who had seen Georgia's posts and had a similar reaction, and there were public posts and comments made by other people hours before I'd even seen what Georgia posted.

The point I'm making here, Anon, is that you know fully well that I am not the only person who saw something wrong in what Georgia posted (particularly the video of the African dancers, which is a hell of a thing to reduce to "possible problematic content"). But you decided to come for me because although I am not your enemy, and I have never wronged you, I am the easiest target. Other people have made it acceptable to hate me. And that somehow means it's okay. In that same vein, how do we describe a bullying atmosphere? Would that be an environment where someone shares their observations based on multiple sources of information and opinions formed gradually over time? Where someone tells people not to blindly agree with anything, to make up their own minds, and speaks out against sending threats or hateful comments directly? Or would it be an environment where someone creates a blog (multiple blogs, even) solely for the sake of attacking someone? Talking about how ugly they are, how worthless their life is? Calling them things like "stupid bitch" and flooding the tags with hateful rhetoric almost every day for the last ten months, while encouraging attacks to where that person had to turn off Anon for almost a year because they were getting so many threats and insults.

That certainly seems a lot like bullying to me.

What's also interesting is that you go on to talk about the bigger things happening in the world and how it's more important to focus on those, a statement that is then contradicted by your subsequent point. By your definition, there should not be a reason to get upset about what RFK Jr. has said because I do not know him. He has never wronged or hurt me. But according to you, I'm only allowed to care if it affects me personally.

What this ultimately means is that someone does not have to (and should not have to) be personally affected to care about how something affects other people. I don't need RFK's behavior or actions to affect me specifically to care about others being potentially hurt by them, and the same thing applies to Georgia and how she treats people. That is where I am coming from, and that is why I care. Because I'm not the most important part of this equation, nor have I ever claimed to be.

(Also, in talking about attacking RFK Jr., perhaps you might have missed that I did exactly that last week, when I gave an interview in Newsweek and spoke out against his abhorrent comments about autistic people. Every facet of my life is dedicated to fighting for autistic people, particularly in the area of sex education and sexual health. Which tells me that you've never actually looked at anything on my blog other than what you needed to create a narrative about me that suited your purposes.)

My final point of contention is this notion of "do better," which I notice is only applied to people you dislike. The fans who have viciously attacked me and others earn a free pass. As does Georgia, whom it seems you expect absolutely nothing from. I fail to comprehend how it's possible that she can set someone up to receive death threats (as happened on Twitter a few years ago), "jokingly" insult her husband over and over, block fans for absolutely no reason at all (including an account that only posts about David's fashion)...and you will not hold her to a single standard. Yet you will come here and tell me to "do better."

Also, I very periodically receive kind comments/Anons from followers of my blog--comments I'm always surprised to get, as I still tend to be more prepared to read something negative than positive. I enjoy reading those comments and they make me happy, and by your definition, that makes me "arrogant" and "self-important" and someone who "craves attention from sycophants"...yet just last week, Georgia reshared hundreds of Insta stories from fans who'd listened to the recent podcasts, almost all of which were telling her how amazing she is, calling her "queen," saying what a great interviewer she is, how she should have her own podcast, etc. How is that different? Do you suppose Georgia shared those because she doesn't crave attention from admirers? Because that doesn't seem to make much sense.

The truth is, Anon, that if you genuinely believed that it's wrong to attack someone you don't know and who has never wronged you, you wouldn't have sent me this message in the first place. Because you would believe that no one deserves to be talked to this way. I believe that no one deserves to be bullied or made to feel worthless, and I have actively spoken against behavior that I've seen from fans to that effect. Hell, I've even defended Georgia on more than one occasion, because I don't have to like someone to think they don't deserve to be treated a certain way.

And if that is how you feel, then it is certainly not apparent from this message, because it seems to me that you think nastiness is just fine as long as it's aimed at someone you don't like.

I'm sure you do good things in this world, Anon. I don't doubt you are capable of kindness. But I have to stop and wonder when the only part of you I'm seeing here is a message full of needless cruelty.

[vidavalor]

Great points, @dalliancekay I think it goes under-sung when Aziraphale said that "Go off together? Listen to yourself." Aziraphale was lying through his teeth that entire scene because he had just told Heaven that Warlock wasn't the antichrist and knew when he did that that information was going to get to Satan. He had tried to convince Heaven that it was a ruse on Crowley's part to make Crowley look demonic and try to protect him but he knew that was a hard sell. It also made Aziraphale look like the only person who might know where the real antichrist was, even if he didn't tell Heaven that. (And he was.) Then what happened not long after?

Crowley called him with no new information and asked him to meet him in person at the bandstand. If you were Aziraphale, what would you think might be happening here? You'd be sure that Satan is, at minimum, having you followed, if not about to show up in person here himself. That's if he doesn't show up as Crowley here.

Aziraphale showed up at The Bandstand wringing his hands and looking terrified because he wasn't actually sure what was going to happen. He had to think that Satan was going to be angry about his missing kid. For all Aziraphale knew, Satan had control of Crowley and was using him to get to Aziraphale, who he thought might know where the kid was.

At first, Aziraphale isn't even sure who he's really talking to. It becomes apparent that it's Crowley but then Aziraphale is still understandably paranoid that they're being watched because they basically always are. He answers everything as if Satan is listening which... that's also exactly what's happening in The Final 15, if you ask me. Only, this time, Satan really was there.

Meanwhile, Crowley didn't know any of this-- either time. Aziraphale hadn't had an opportunity to tell him before The Bandstand-- also like The Final 15. Each time, Crowley's worried about a whole other problem. In S2, it's The Book of Life, in S1, it was Earth's about to end and we've failed but maybe we can just run away because what else is there to do? Both times, he's not being mindful of who could be listening and it's left to Aziraphale to try to hide what they are to protect Crowley from himself.

Both times, Crowley is panicking too much to see what's going on with Aziraphale in the moment in a moment when Aziraphale needs him.

"It's The Great Plan, Crowley"... Ah, yes, The Great Plan that Aziraphale just spent over a decade trying to thwart. The one he was trying to thwart a day earlier in Tadfield with Crowley. 😂 This is as complete bullshit as "we're not friends-- I don't even like you." The "go off together? listen to yourself" is just as much, too. You know they talk about how they would if they could. "We're on opposite sides" is really like will you please just stop for one moment and consider that we're standing in the middle of the bloody park and who could hear you saying that?!?!

But what would you do if you were Aziraphale, really? In that moment, he thinks he has no one in their corner and no way to overpower Satan so the only option is always to try to protect Crowley from him. If that means lying through his teeth, so be it. If it means hurting Crowley, well, Aziraphale obviously doesn't *want* to do that but if it's a choice between hurting Crowley or seeing him killed, Aziraphale would choose the former everyday. Better Crowley angry at him than dead.

I have to say that, come S2, if I were Aziraphale and I had just spent the last 6,000+ years doing everything in my power to protect my partner from the all-powerful abusive ex he was damned to for all of eternity and I was so beyond myself with the stress of it that I was considering taking the most obviously untrue offer that had ever existed just on the slimmest of chances it could be true? If I was willing to throw away my whole life for the slimmest of possible chances that I could ensure his safety forever?

And if he wasn't listening to me begging him to hear what I was trying to tell him about what was happening? And then he left me? And then he came back and kissed me and made it completely impossible to ever plausibly deny again what this relationship was to any of the people trying to kill us, including the violent person I knew for a fact was watching us in that moment?

You can bet this would be the look on my face, too.

"We could have been an 'us'." = We could have tried to be a couple, which we've not been before. Not what Crowley chose to say.

"We could have been *us*." = We could have tried to openly be the couple we've been all along. Ourselves as we already are.

[writersdiscouragment-blog]

I needed to write 😭😭😭😭😭😭

"Hey, you good?" Oliver is all of sudden hovering over Lou, startling the older man from his nap.

They had to do reshoots and Lou and Oliver's scene with Aisha and Angela took till 3 am to film and they had an early call time

He had finally been able to nap in his trailer since wrapping up filming for the day. He wasn't expecting to see Oliver till later.

He definitely wasn't expecting Olive to be hovering over his head, inches away from his face.

"Where did you even come from?" Lou asked groggily.

"London." Oliver smirked, chuckling as Lou rolled his eyes, he ignored Lou calling him an "Smart ass." He gave Lou a quick smile that was all teeth before he fell on top of Lou, laying down chest to chest with the other man.

"Omph." Lou huffed out with a laugh as Oliver just settled his weight on him. They barely fit on the couch and with all the wiggling Oliver was doing to fit on top of Lou had Lou laughing harder.

"Did you want me to get a boner?" Lou laughed, watching as Oliver's smile grow bigger. The asshole.

"Hmm. Would that be a bad thing?" Oliver asked, his chin settled on top of Lou's chest. Lou studied him for a moment, combing his fingers through Oliver's unkempt curls before brushing his thumb over Oliver's birthmark.

The silence got to Oliver, he wasn't used to Lou being quiet and pensive.

He hated seeing Lou anxious, he was at the point in where he had to remind himself that he promised Lou that he wouldn't be snarky with fans and journalists alike when it came to how they engaged with Lou. But he hated it, "You're not okay." Oliver sighed, he knew Lou's tells by now.

"They're blaming me about Peter leaving." Lou admitted.

Oliver knew that certain fans were blaming Lou about Bobby being killed off.

It made no sense.

But it worried him.

How anxious Lou sounded now about it.

"You know it's not your fault. All of us know that it isn't your fault."

Lou hummed, half hearted and his eyes looking elsewhere.

Oliver pushed himself up till he was straddled on Lou's stomach. "You know that right?" Oliver asked, a certain edge in his voice that he didn't care to keep out.

Lou had been pretty dismissive about how fans reacted to him, it was what Oliver had admired about him from the start.

But he saw the cracks. Lou was an anxious man and had a hard time with talking about certain topics related to the show when it was just them.

But Oliver knew the signs by now becauae they had been together for nearly four months now. They weren't out yet, but Oliver figured Aisha and Peter perhaps knew about them.

"Lou?"

Lou sighed, covering his eyes with his forearms as Oliver waited for him to say anything. "They could have killed Tommy off and kept Bobby. It would make more sense, Peter is a EP and everyone loves Bobby. Tim could have killed off Tommy and there still would have been an impact but small and at least the fans would be happy and leave you alone."

Oliver pulled Lou's arm away from his face, perhaps more aggressive than Lou expected since the older man yelped when Oliver pulled at his arm and pinned his hands over his head.

"Listen to me, okay? Those fans will never be happy, even if Tim decided to kill off your character, Ryan and I don't want Buck and Eddie together and also, Peter agreed for Bobby to be written off. I don't like it, none of us do. But we know it happens in shows and it happens to firefighters in real life." Oliver lowered his body till he was resting against Lou's chest again. He still had Lou's hands pinned. "It would have been any of us, and none of us would have liked it. I don't think any of us are ready to say goodbye to each other. I-I don't want to say goodbye to Peter, he's been my mentor and one of my favorite people to work with since day one here." He paused, mulling over his words as he looked at Lou, the other man still looked nervous. Like he still couldn't believe in what Oliver was saying. "But you leaving wouldn't just make those people happy, I don't think they want to be happy. They seem to like being miserable."

Lou snorted, "Rude."

Oliver shrugged, he didn't care anymore about their feelings since he has seen how easy it was for some no-face-no-name-person hiding behind a computer to talk trash about him and his friends.

He had been professional, if not courteous to placate them.

But he had seen the death threats towards Lou, the stupid tweets about his father and people asking Lou to kill himself.

All because of this show.

"They started it."

Oliver moved his hands to Lou's face, watching intently as he noticed Lou's eyes watering. "No one here wants you to leave. Especially me, I'm quite enjoying being able to flirt with my boyfriend at work and home." He grinned, gently rubbing his thumb against Lou's cheek. "They can say or think whatever they want, they do usually. But we know you're not the reason for Peter being written off. The hell with them."

Lou let out a sigh, he moved Oliver's hand to his lips and kissed the center of his palm. "Might take a bit for me to believe that." He admitted tearfully.

For such a big man, Lou didn't have a lot of self confidence at times.

"Believe me, then." Oliver told him gently, "You can do that, can't you?" He felt Lou's heart beat under his, the rhythm becoming calmer now as though Lou's heartbeat was trying to match Oliver's.

He combed his fingers through Lou's curls, pressing his lips against Lou's cleft chin.

"I believe you, always." Lou promised.

Oliver gave him another kiss, this time on the lips. "Good, because either way, you're stuck with me." Oliver emphasized his point by wrapping his arms as best he could around Lou while the other man was still laying down on the couch. Oliver settled his head down over Lou's chest again, smiling as Lou's laughter shook him. He reveled as Lou touched the bare skin of his back under his shirt.

"Good." Lou sighed happily and contently as Oliver and him cuddled on the couch. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

[castieldelamancha]

"Do you regret it?"

A pair of piercing blue eyes find his in an instant. They are framed by a headful of white hair, Dean's own hair went white way before Cas, thinning slightly, but there is still enough for Castiel's fingers to gently comb through as the day ends and they lay together in bed.

Those blue eyes, now adorned with deep wrinkles, are still as alive as they once were, years ago, when they first met and neither of them would have been able to imagine they were going to end where they are now.

What only makes Dean even more sure about Castiel having kept a bit of his grace after letting it go for the last time.

Castiel doesn't need him to explain himself, of course. And it still gets Dean, a blow directly to his chest, it leaves him breathless, the telltale prickle of tears in his eyes, it leaves him speechless, to be known like this, so intimately, his very soul cradled by gentle hands from the moment they took him out of Hell.

It also isn't the first time he has ever asked the same question.

It was Castiel's first morning as a human, a permanent state now, no take backs.

It all scared Dean shitless.

Naked and entwined under the sunrise's glow, the first of many, and yet Dean felt it was more an ending than a beginning, thoughts running wild in his mind.

"Do you regret it?"

No 'good morning', no 'how did you sleep?', Dean had to open his big mouth and ruin it all first thing in the morning. Just in case he doesn't regret it, Dean had scolded himself, you can show him how clingy and insecure you can be.

Castiel had given him a bemused look back then, realisation slowly dawning on him. One of Castiel's hand found the one Dean had wrapped over his hip, their fingers tangling.

"I love you." That's all he had told Dean back then.

It was the second time and Dean had almost braced for the worst, but the walls remained as solid as they always were, the world kept spinning and his whole world was still there, safely tucked between his arms.

Castiel didn't say anything else. And it was enough, and maybe Dean could be enough too.

The memory washes over him and it seems to blend with the present moment as Castiel's hand finds his, just like Cas had reached out to him all those years ago. His hands have changed, rough with work, wrinkled and speckled with freckles, kisses from the Sun that Dean graces with his own lips now, raising their joined hands towards his face.

Castiel watches him, a reserved smile on his face.

"I love you."

That's all he tells Dean. He has told him so many times he lost count years ago and there is no fear now, the walls of their little home stay the same, and the earth keeps spinning and his whole world is now cradling his face between his hands, fingertips tracing Dean's own wrinkles.

This time around, though, Castiel takes a deep breath, gives Dean a reassuring smile, "I wouldn't trade a lifetime with you for an empty eternity without you," like he can read his mind he adds, before Dean can even say it out loud, "getting old is complicated, but I-"

"Still worthy, doing it beside you." Dean interrupts.

"Yes, Dean, exactly," Castiel nods his head, "do you regret it?"

"Never." Dean doesn't even let him finish the question.

Castiel laughs quietly, it's not a teasing thing, it's just this joy inside his chest, filling it to the brim, so big and bright it has to be let out somehow.

Castiel could tell Dean he is being dumb, that after their lives here are said and done they both know they will find each other again, in a place where time won't matter and all this aching joints and slow steps and poor vision will be gone. And still, he doesn't, it's not only about dying or getting old, is also about Cas losing such a big part of himself, his powers, his wings, Castiel knows that. The fact he himself has long made his peace with it doesn't mean Dean has stopped worrying about it.

So instead he says, still holding Dean's face, still following the deep lines of his wrinkles, "what would even be the point of flying if you weren't there waiting for me to land?"

"I love you too, Cas." And if his voice breaks and fails none of them pay it any mind, he wouldn't want to fly away either without a safe place to land.

[lordfreg]

The art is arguably the best thing about the show; the extremely detailed backgrounds make it a visual marvel, especially in the movie. Every character design and species choice feels intentional and like they had everything planned out. Every intricate detail with the kraangs mech suit all working in sync made me absolutely beam at the robot designs (and wonder what Professor Honeycutt would look like). Along with the massive lore drops in the background, making it reachable over and over, studying every tiny detail and reference. The way the city is so vibrant and full of people and life (especially at night) is so refreshing since most of the time, the TMNT New York barely has more than a few people at a time, so seeing a city be, well, a city is amazing.

Just a few examples of the beautiful artistry in this show.

(Thank you @randomrottmntscreenshots for the pics)

The writing is another good thing about it, because it's stupid but not pointless like so many other shows do nowadays. Every line has context and a deeper meaning and fleshes out that character (intentionally or not) and gives a sense of a family growing closer together and genuinely working to grow closer. The only criticism I really have is that there's just not enough time in a 15-minute episode to really get into the gritty bits and just not enough time cut between entertainment and story to flourish a naturally growing relationship. But I absolutely give props to the writers for doing the absolute MOST with the limited time and money that they had. Also, the artists again for the amazing character/world designs.

The story is also to die for, adding so much mystery and making the world/universe feel so BIG. When I was watch the 2012 TMNT, we literally went to space and had the world explode, but it didn't feel like the universe was all that big (probably due to bad set up/framing) but with Rise, it's set up in such a way that you KNOW just how HUGE this multiverse is. The massive skeleton in the prison dimension and the mere size of the kraangs tech (compared to the size of the trisaradons) implies that there's obviously a planet huge enough to home them, but there's obviously big enough to kill them (kraang or not is still unclear). It also has elements of magic, which I absolutely love. It gives more mystery and power to the whole series, making it feel far more

The character development is also amazing. Each character having a flaw and overcoming it (or not) makes me so happy. Seeing Raph give Leon the leader position made me feel something, especially since Raph immediately becomes more playful and relaxed once he realizes that Leo has got it, which made me relate to his character so much more. Also, shout out to April for actually pursuing journalism instead of being a reporter or A Teammate™️ to the turtles. The dynamic between the brothers and their friends are absolutely amazing. Though they may be rough, they are realistic. The personalities match up with their species choices, and it leaves the story and world open to the fans and I thinks that's why we have such a big fandom and such a strong community.

And that's it for now sorry I'm so tired 😮‍💨

I asked this on my Posts Tab, but I wanted to ask it here too...

Tell me, why do you like Rise? What does this show mean to you?

And, ultimately, why should we fight to save Rise of the TMNT?

❤️🧡💜💙

[el-bibi]

Off limits (part one)│Mick Schumacher

summary: It's a tradition, renting a chalet and spending the winter holidays together. Usually it would be Mick, Esteban and some other friends, but this year there's someone else too. Esteban's little sister, Angela. Off limits? Yes. Irresistible? Also.

pairing: mick schumacher x ocon!reader

word count: 587

A/N: hellooo, this is my first story here on tumblr, as I wrote in my first post, I still have to figure out how to use this platform well, but I hope that this first part turned out well!

part two │part three

Méribel, December 2024

"Alright, yeah call me when you get here." Esteban took a sigh of relief and put his phone on the coffee table.

"Who was it? Your sister?" Thomas, one of his friends, asked.

"Yeah, she just landed and some friends are driving her here."

Wait, Esteban had a sister? How did Mick not know that? They had been organising this vacation at his chalet for months, why didn't he know about her?

"Mick? Mick!" Esteban's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "Is there a free room for my sister? Y'know since Maia isn't coming anymore."

Right, Maia. Mick's ex had ditched him at the start of the month, so now he was the only single idiot in the group.

"Maia would have slept in my room, firstly. But yeah, there's still a guest room for her."

"Great, she'll get here in a few hours."

When the doorbell rang, it was late into the evening. Everyone was already in bed, apart from Mick. He was in front of the fire, stroking Angie's fur whilst thinking. That was probably the only thing he was good at. Not driving, not surfing, not even loving at that point.

He stood up from the armchair in front of the fireplace and went to open the door. When he saw her, he had to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He was sure he had seen her somewhere before, but he couldn't remember when. Then he noticed she looked so much like Esteban.

"Angela?"

"In the flesh," she smiled, her cheeks were rosy from the cold, her hands holding tight onto her suitcase. "My brother is asleep I'm guessing?"

"Yeah, everyone went to bed pretty early today." Mick said as he helped her inside, carrying her suitcase for her. "Come, I'll show you your room."

The chalet was beautiful, Mick's parents had always had a thing for good decor. He had spent countless days there as a kid, coming back from hitting the slopes all day long was always his favourite part.

After making sure she was settled in, he went to his own room and got in bed, although he struggled to find sleep. He just couldn't figure out when and where he had met her already. Then it all clicked. 

He had been at a party with Maia when he bumped into Esteban and Angela. At first he hadn't paid much attention to her, but when he saw how good she got along with his girlfriend he started appreciating her presence. 

He had never realised she was Esteban's sister though, and that made him feel weird as he kept checking in on her during the vacation.

Angela, however, knew exactly who he was. She had known it from the start, watching him from afar, but knew that he was out of reach since he was her brother's best friend. When she saw him open the door, she almost forgot about the icy temperature outside. He looked so comfortable and handsome. 

He was wearing some sweatpants and a hoodie of his own merch which made her smile. She had wanted that hoodie ever since it came out, but she knew that her brother would have teased her mercilessly for it.

He had grown up, his hair had gotten longer, ditching that short haircut that made him look like a little kid. He had grown some stubble, making him look even hotter in her eyes— Jesus, what was she thinking? That was her brother's best friend. He was off-limits, wasn't he?

[existence-is-a-pain87]

Y/n playing as glisten, and twisted glistens reaction to them comforting him during a run

Lemme one up you and make a general Glisten drabble.

HE IS MY BOI AND I LOVE MY BOI. *cackles ferally in Glisten fangirl. No one is safe*.

Also, just so yall know, it make take me a bit to get to some of your requests. Especially the longer ones. I wanna make sure I can post content reasonably.

And sometimes I may post content slowly. Unfortunately I am not a dragon and thus have human responsibilities during the day and I gotta sleep and stuff.

So the grind is not eternal, but I'll do my best to keep yall fed with my self-aware AU (I believe I am singlehandedly feeding a fandom with self-aware Dandy's World content as I have seen no other self-aware Dandy's World things out there).

Oh, also, feel free to create your own things based off what I create! Make fanart! Write things out! And make sure to send me them! I wanna see the work yall make!!

Now, onto my drabble!

A Mirror's Purpose

Yandere!Self-Aware!Glisten x Reader

Wanrings: Obsession and other general yandere behaviors

--☆☆☆☆☆--

Glisten knew his purpose. To be perfect. Every second of every day. He needed to be perfect.

Be perfect as a Toon. Be perfect when the players used his body as their own little puppet to play the game that was his life. Even as a Twisted, when he was crunched into a mess and terrified to be alone, he needed to play his role perfectly.

Then you came. And you made him question everything.

Because, no matter what flaws he showed. No matter what mistakes he was forced to make when others played him.

You thought he was perfect. No matter what.

He was even your favorite.

And if he had his way, he always would be.

--☆☆☆--

Glisten wasn't too surprised when you played him the most once you were able to purchase his Toon form.

Why wouldn't you play your favorite?

And why wouldn't you consistently compliment him either? Sure, you would be disappointed you couldn't use his active ability when your team died. But you still thought of him as perfect.

He hoped you always thought he was perfect.

He found great amusement about how you became an excited mess whenever you saw him. Even calling him your... 'precious boi'?

He didn't pay much mind as other Toons grew jealous over your adoration for him (sure, Shelly held a similar adoration, but you weren't one to desperately try to stay near her Twisted when she showed up).

He was number one in your heart, and you quickly became number one in his.

--☆☆☆--

Whenever Glisten was a Twisted, he could barely hide how he adored how you always insisted on staying nearby him.

Sure, there would be many a time you weren't the best Toon to escape to the elevator once Panic Mode occured, but you never cared.

You loved Glisten and wanted to emotionally support him.

And he showed his appreciation.

Surely you wouldn't notice how every few seconds he kept thanking you for staying close, remarking how you enjoyed his company, begging you to stay nearby.

He loved you. He loved that you loved him. He loved that no matter how broken he was, you loved him.

He loved you so much.

--☆☆☆--

It was your voice that really made Glisten love you.

Just hearing you talk always soothed any nerves, whether he be a Toon or a Twisted.

You always made him feel loved. Appreciated. Included.

He felt like when you were around, he could relax. He didn't need to overwork himself, he could show his own shortcomings and still be loved.

Your voice made you sound like the most beautiful and lovely person to ever exist.

How you would tell him sweet nothings, murmur about your adoration, squeal with glee whenever his Twisted form appeared.

He loved your voice.

He wished you could hear his.

--☆☆☆--

Glisten was quick to decide you were the most beautiful person in the whole world.

And, as a mirror, he was meant to reflect beauty.

So, naturally, he was meant to reflect yours.

He knew you were beautiful.

He knew, with your love for him, you would find him to be perfect. You would hold him close no matter how he looked. Cherishing him as a Twisted and a Toon. Ignoring how the sharp fragments of glass would cut your fingers when he was a Twisted.

And if you weren't beautiful in your own eyes? Well, he absolutely would ensure he would help you until you felt comfortable and beautiful.

He knew you would look good in ribbons.

He planned to ensure you matched. To hold you close.

He wanted to make sure you never felt unloved.

He would show you just how much he loved you.

He loved you. He loved you. He loved you.

His purpose as a mirror was to reflect your beauty, to love you. So just let him love you.

Let him love you.

Please.