#but hopefully can go on nice walk. im just scared bc things.. hope i can go on nice walk + eat blaeberries

[c-kiddo]

its my birthday on thursday -_ - :')

[sonianvmd]

thh characters with a crush on you

warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major

oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much

a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)

also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*

edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY

spoilers under the cut!!

★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★

makoto naegi

when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous

nervous around you, that is

y’all saw how he was with sayaka

if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it

he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes

he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says

you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents

he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually

let’s hope his luck comes through 😁

byakuya togami

now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐

he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you

but it was hard not to

the way you preferred to get to the point

the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him

he's ruthless

anyways

you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources

he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself

and we all know how this mf feels about himself ��

he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials

he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you

but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well

yeah they on his ass LMFAOO

kyoko kirigiri

kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious

she’ll probably just hang around you more

she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly

“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”

hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways

she finds you respectable

if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor

when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO

she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk

take her hand

pls

toko fukawa

y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick

yeah so 😁😁😁😁

no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾‍♀️ tendencies

she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast

but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya

i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational

the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again

if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids

you’ll most likely put two and two together

unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways

if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao

she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)

expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift

and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol

calls u a baka 😍😍

aoi asahina

i know y’all all see how she is with sakura

yeah.

aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them

she values you and your friendship very much

bring her donuts

just trust me bring her donuts

she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time

and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it

uh oh looks like we goin for a swim

sakura ogami

similar to kyoko, she’s very calm

despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl

she cares for you and your well-being very much

will indeed go on x games mode for you

the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken

kith her

naow

im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔

leon kuwata

flirtatious ass mf

and he’s lightskin

so this just cannot go well

y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder

yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO

he’s very confident

he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️

but

you feel.. different than usual ??

those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win

but you

he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time

he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance

he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all

he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you

he doesn't tell you in a grand way

probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin

he's chillin

mondo owada

you know

for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader

or just for being in a biker gang period

mondo’s a huge softie lol

yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends

so mfs need to be nice to you

or they gettin whooped

when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO

he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go

“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”

real smooth mondo i think you got em good job

please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny

he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it

but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾

also mondo would call his s/o doll

that is all

chihiro fujisaki

my fav dude in a dress <3

chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there

he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are

he cares about you v much

the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar

and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings

he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you

he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you

not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO

sweet lil boy

i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot

and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”

sobbing i miss him

kiyotaka ishimaru

okay here’s the thing

if taka were to like someone

i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)

or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO

so imma write a lil bit for both

in the case that he was even stricter:

he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place

of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well

if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY

but in the case he let up:

he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students

if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself

if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj

either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands

sayaka maizono

she will tell you

idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol

she’d make sure she’s sincere

she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything

ok bc

while i do think she’d tell you

i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel

like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile

and naturally, you're like :o

and of course you come to support her

and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out

for real this time

she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO

———

i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾

fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁

and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*

bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever

———

edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍

[mymanskabu]

Kabu One-Shot:

A Kiss in Ten Seconds

Anonie requested: ❝Idk if I can req anything for the holidays or if it's too late but, just in case. Can you do something for Kabu finding out his champion!s/o will be too busy on New Years Eve and New Years Day bc of all the events that are going on? Then how would he react, when people are literally doing the 10 second count down right before midnight and he sees his s/o burst into the room/wherever he is, panting, out of breath, looking for him just so they could be there to kiss him when the countdown's over?❞

× IM UPLOADING THIS AT 11:59PM Or at least that's the time it is for me as I post this! I know its 2020 already for many of you! I wish you guys a good New Years!

× sorry some of y'alls requests will have taken a year to get done. Please don't unfollow, I am a hard-working person with one brain cell.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

No one told you just how tedious and time consuming being a Champion would be. No wonder the former one appears much less stressed, the poor guy barely had time for his family on this schedule. You were constantly on the move and everyone wanted to talk to you. Leon came around to check on you after you had sent him a text saying, "Help, why are they coming for my life, I have a shit to do."

"Your schedule is very full," He said, looking at you apologetically. "There should be a warning before people try to become Champion, this is a workload that would surely scare off a lot of trainers."

"I don't even have time for my hobbies!" You flip the page to your schedule and half of next month was already full. "I'm lucky enough to manage a call to my mom and one of the only times I see Kabu is when I am going home in the middle of the night." You were surprised the man hasn't decided to leave you. You would completely understand if he couldn't handle being with someone so busy.

"I was undefeated for a very long time," Leon starts explaining. "Your schedule is much fuller than mine was because you beat someone that no one else could for many years. Even those older than me and with perhaps more experience couldn't defeat me."

"You're telling me your schedule wasn't this hectic?" You stared down at the calendar, realizing that talking to Leon was going to get cut short anytime soon.

"It was hectic definitely. Not like this." Leon gave you a comforting pat on your shoulder. "The workload will lessen later on, not sure by how much but you can only repeat a story for so long before people get bored. Then you have to worry about people trying to force a story to happen. At least you have off time when the Gym Challenge is not at large."

"I'm going to lose to the next challenger on purpose," You said. It got a chuckle out of Leon who raised a brow at you, questioning the honesty of your statement. "Or not." You sighed. "Too many benefits outweighing the negatives right now. Well, I'm happy you're able to have more time for other projects Leon!"

"Thank you... Champion."

You were getting many challengers nowadays. People who couldn't defeat Leon come back thinking they can defeat you, plenty of Challengers coming for your title, and new ones in the making. You had a lot of paperwork as well, surprisingly enough. A lot of interviews, so many damn interviews, and your privacy? Almost completely gone. You were grateful for having been with Kabu since before you even challenged the Gyms to attempt being Champion.

Unfortunately your relationship with him was outed rather quickly because of that though. Even if it was a secret, the ring on a specific finger would have also given you away. That was quite recent, it was his surprise for when you became Champion so now wedding planning is somewhere quite far in the schedule. Your management didn't consider it as important as you did, it's something you had to force into your schedule. They only care about managing your public image, personal problems don't rank high on their list of priorities when they're organizing your calendar.

Champions also have to be very involved with Galar and it's people. You had to understand the public opinion, the government opinion, and manage almost any incoming threat. That was terrifying, they sent you to anything just because you happen to be strongest around right now. You had to suck it up and protect the people, show them that their Champion can do probably anything.

You read over your schedule with Leon for a bit longer until you saw something in it that was irritating. "Leon. Why in the world do I have interviews for both New Years Eve and New Years. They can't take those days! I wanted to... I need to be..." You were fuming. You told them not to fill the holidays and they didn't for the past ones, but for some reason they filled those two dates.

"There isn't much you can do about that," He says. "You can try but I remember trying and they... if its urgent, its unlikely." Leon continued with saying that they probably gave you the prior holidays so that you didn't have room to completely complain about your management.

Your phone started ringing. You hesitated to pick up the phone knowing that it'll be someone to take you away for another interview, photoshoot, or fan meet. You didn't hate the people that wanted to meet you, your anger was mostly directed towards the people that were stuffing so much into your schedule. Leon was right though, they can't keep this up forever and hopefully later on it will get more tolerable.

"Are you alright?" His familiar voice caused your shoulders to ease up. You were crossing your arms on the table with your head laid on them. You had came home tired of socializing and still having to do some paperwork having to do with former Chairman Rose.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm tired though, mentally tired to tell you the truth." You stretched your arms upwards then felt two arms wrap around your shoulders when you put them down. "Kabu, I can't be with you during New Years Eve or New Years. It says its urgent but I very much doubt these Talk Shows need me that badly."

You didn't hear anything from behind you for a long moment. He was most likely thinking, you were too, and depending on what he says, you might just consider the idea of letting him go. It hurt you to ponder upon such a thing, but there's other people out there that could give Kabu much more of their time.

"I understand," He finally said, "I'll open up the Stadium for those that need a warm place to be on those days and I will be thinking of you when the countdown starts."

"You don't have to be like that, you know? You don't have to understand, you can be mad at me, you can be frustrated at me, I won't... I won't blame you!" You got up from where you were sitting to face him. He held your hands and promptly shook his head in response.

"I'm not sure you knew this, love but you do not plan your schedule." He kisses your knuckles to comfort you. "If I am to be frustrated at anyone it will be whoever made you busy on those two days. Was there anything you could do about it?"

"I tried, but they just repeatedly tell me that it's an urgent thing I need to be at," You reply, a frustrated sigh escaping past your lips.

"You do what you have to, and think of me as I will think of you during the countdown." With a hand gently on the back of your neck he guides your mouth to his in a much needed relaxing kiss that made your body melt.

"Of course, you're right... you're right," You mumbled. Your eyes remained closed for a bit after the kiss before you were able to open them without feeling like they held sadness in them. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too."

Your stylist dressed you up nicely for the interviews, these events to celebrate a new Champion and a New Year. This is wrong, why does it feel like you were just rubbing it in everyone's face that you were now Champion? You were backstage waiting to be introduced, slouching in a nearby couch with your elbow on your thigh and your hand holding your chin. Finally you heard your name, you could see the crowd cheering on the screen, all anticipating your presence through the hall that all guests walk through.

Kabu opened the Stadium as he said he would, a lot more people came than he thought would. He had announced that it would be open to celebrate the New Year and there would be food and drinks. It wasn't going to be like that at first but you offered the funds and he couldn't say no. It was open for people and Pokemon alike and that brought his heart a pleasant feeling.

He missed you a lot though. He understood that you had things to do but he didn't realize just how attached he had grown to you for your lacking presence to impact him so much. His Stadium was playing the interview for everyone to see and the people that came; majority of them knew Kabu was engaged to the new Champion of Galar. He wondered if you were going to complete your end of the promise and think of him.

"Here's our new magnificent Champion, (Name)!" The cheers were loud, the "I love you's" came from all directions, and so did flowers. Roses, vibrant red roses that reminded you of Kabu. You sat down, a big smile on your face that only managed to be genuine knowing Kabu would see it. "How are you on this beautiful night, Champ?" The interviewer asked.

"I'm doing great, thank you! I actually have somethin' to say real quick, is that alright?" The interviewer furrowed his brows and pointed towards the camera you should speak to.

"Let's hear what (Name) needs to say folks! I wonder what it is! Sounds mysterious!"

"Perhaps it would be mysterious if paparazzi didn't exist," You responded. "I want to say I'm thinking about you, I'll see you soon!"

"Would my guess be wrong if I say that message was for your to-be husband and Fire Type Gym Leader Kabu!?" The interviewer raises your hand, the one that had the ring. "How is the wedding planning going anyway? Any progress?"

"Its somewhere in my schedule, we have ideas we hope to bring to life." The answer was simple and clearly not to the interviewers' taste. They had to remain unaffected though and continued smiling.

"We have a few fan questions we would like you to answer! First one being, would you date a fan?!"

"Absolutely not. I'm engaged, are you people not getting the memo?" You said this sarcastically, but with a tone of seriousness. It got you a laugh from the audience and you laughed along with them as truthfully as you could. "Not to be inappropriate or anything but I think— no. I know I'll be with Kabu for the rest of my life."

Kabu was almost as red as Gym outfit shirt, hearing the "Aww" from both the crowd in the Stadium and the ones where you were. In all honesty though, he would have said the exact same thing about you.

"A curious fan has asked: Do you sing in the shower?" You didn't think for long and answered it with a brief nod.

"I do sing in the shower, Kabu says it sounds good but I think he may just be losing hearing." Once again, the crowd laughed. "Who knows though, only he has ever heard me sing and no, I'm not singing!"

"You and Kabu live together as you've implied multiple times, has there been any mishaps in the kitchen by one of you?" You pondered on this question for a few seconds.

"Not yet, Kabu is a pretty good cook and surprisingly good baker!" You tried to think of an incident once again but nothing came to mind as of now.

"Have you used the 'Is your Dad a baker' pick up line on him yet?" You chuckled at the question and so did the crowd. You covered half your face as you nodded, confirming that you have used a pick up line on him. "I didn't expect that! How'd that go?"

"He still has no idea what I meant by the line and I suppose now is a good time to get it out in the open." It took you a moment or two to compose yourself. "When I said you had a nice set of buns, I was talking about your butt, Kabu!"

He was sitting in the middle of his Stadium, on the ground and when you said that, he fell back laughing much more than he usually would allow himself to in front of a crowd. He should have known that's what you meant then, all he wished to say in response was that he felt the same way. He knows you would have playfully hit him on the arm or something and thank him for the compliment.

A few more questions passed until it was getting close to the countdown. There was an ad break a few minutes before it started. You didn't want to be here, your heart was telling you to leave, take a flying taxi, find Kabu, find home, and be where you know you want to be. You slowly got up from the waiting area, ignoring the calling security, interviewer, and anyone else you just left.

Ten.

You ran, forgetting you had a flying taxi even though you thought about it moments ago. You only had one thing on your mind and that was reaching Kabu before the countdown was over. You ran, your legs wanting to stop but you wouldn't allow it, your lungs trying to take in all the cold air, and the fancy shoes on your feet making it even more difficult. You stopped and took them off, hastily picking them up then running again. No rock on the ground was stopping you from being where you wanted to be tonight.

Nine.

When the show came back on, you weren't there and he was confused. Apparently you had left abruptly, this caused him to worry and tried getting a hold of you through a text then called you.

Eight.

Kabu didn't know you ran off, leaving your items behind with only one goal in mind. His destination was within your line of sight and it made you push forward much faster, pushing your legs harder to make it before the time ran out.

Seven.

He wanted to be able to at least to see you through the screen as the countdown started. Where did you go? Why did you leave? Were you even okay? Now all he could think about was your well-being.

Six.

You were jogging past the hair salon, the many small stores on the sides, some which had people. People watching the Champion run to the elevator that would take you to Motostoke Stadium.

Five.

No one asked questions as you walked in, your legs almost wanting to give in. You continued, waving off others that wanted to help you walk towards the doors to the Stadium itself.

Four.

You stood in the tunnel for a couple of seconds, your eyes searching for Kabu. He who was watching the screen, hoping for your appearance or any news on your location.

Three.

The crowd spotted you first, the loud cheers startling Kabu as his eyes met yours when he turned his head in your direction. He never felt more relieved to see you there, why you had disappeared made much more sense to a lot people now that you were here.

Two.

With all the strength you could muster in your legs, you practically limped forward. Absolutely tired by the run and feeling like a whole idiot for not using a taxi when you could have at any point on your way here. He saw you panting, no shoes on your feet, you looked like quite the beautiful mess.

One.

No words are exchanged as you throw your arms around his neck, holding him in a tight embrace before your lips passionately meet his. He was slightly taken aback by the roughness of the kiss, you had his body right against yours, and a hand clutching the hair on the back his head. How long had it been since he has had something like this? He had forgotten how amazing this physical contact could feel and experiencing this made him feel as if it was a first kiss. Then the clock strikes twelve, your hold on him loosens, and its just you and him.

Your forehead was on his, you two were sharing breaths because of how long and sudden it was. Embarrassment hit you randomly when you realized there was a crowd, you left an interview, and Kabu was probably staring at you while you didn't dare open your eyes. Not until you could look at him and say something that didn't sound like you didn't know how to form sentences.

You could hear the crowd now, the whistling, the clapping, the stomping of their feet, any form of cheering the could make they did it.

"Another year of you and me," He said. "I am looking forward to another one." He gave you one chaste kiss for his own pleasure and you smiled.

"I look forward to another one too."

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

ANOTHER SAD IDEA MEGG!! Astraeus always gives me sad iDEAS UGHGHG. Looked at your screenshots and uGHHHH. IDEAS!!

Now listen idk what Aphrodite or Hades do in Astraeus route,,,but I took the idea that they didn’t rlly try to stop it and I ran with that idea so Yh-

EDIT: BY THE WAY TO MAKE THIS SADDER, I was listening to “Fight For Me” by the Heathers musical AND UGHHH!! EMOTIONS DBBSBD. anyways yeah-

I’m just looking at those Astraeus screenshots and I’m like,,,

MC dies bc the Hera thing goes wrong,,,Alex finds out and so does Josh and so do many agents,,,many Agents quit,,,Aphrodite and Hades see how Josh (since I think they both know him) and see how empty he is on the inside,,,but the face they don’t get the right to see anymore is Alex.

They left. They said their goodbyes and their I loves you (even if they were very angry...they still loved their mother and Hades...) and LEFT. Won’t face their mother, Hades, anybody. The gods find them, but then they’re gone within a second. Refusing to see Olympus or even SEE their mother or anyone. And just imagining them giving up their locket bc it’s another reminder of MC and their life with her and Olympus. They leave it with their mother and they sometimes miss it, so they get a heart necklace,,,it’s just not their heart. The one they miss. But they missed MC even more and couldnt be at Olympus anymore. The memories of them being raised there and seeing MC and trusting their mother with everything in them.

But one day,,,they run into a girl in some state they’re in (didn’t go to Greece or Cyprus. Not wanting to be found) and she’s lost. I imagine it as the cliche run into each other they fall over and jsferf. They help her up and they hear her voice and their heart pounded harder than it has in awhile. They finally look at her.

And it’s MC.

She’s here.

Alive.

Alex stares for a few seconds but stops when she laughs at them. Gods how they love that laugh...

They show her around (definitely knowing everything about where they are) and they show her a nice cafe. She decides to get something and asks if they want to join her. Now,,they know she was with Hades last time,,but they can’t help it. Its just in a best friend way. Yeah. Totally. So, they go, have a nice time, she finds out a lot about them and laughs A TON!! But not at them, its with them. And they smile so hard and they haven’t smiled this much in a long time. They had fun and new friends, but the pain of her still wiped the smile off their face. And the pain of their mother and Hades makes the frown worse, but they stop that today.

They’re here with MC. Things are fine for right now.

AND MC DOES THAT CLICHE THING BY GIVING THEM HER NUMBER AND THEY KEEP MEETING UP!! They feel a bit guilty somtimes since they know Hades loves her and knows that he misses her, but then anger gets inside of their heart.

Hades didn’t cherish her.

Hades didn’t fight for her like they would have.

But they tamper those thoughts down. They know what it’s like to miss someone they love, so they tell her about themselves. AND MC BEING MC CONVINCES THEM TO SOMEHOW GO BACK BUT SHE GOES WITH THEM!!

They’re a couple and MC doesn’t know how she will feel the day when she sets eyes on everyone again (She doesn’t know what happened, but she’s scared to see the Gods), but she wants to face it. And when she does, APHRODITE STARTS SOBBING AGAIN!! Alex literally left her their heart. The heart she knew they loved, yet they left her because their heart was crushed. I imagined them slamming it onto a table and it literally cracking. It made them weak a bit since that’s how artifacts work, but it slowly healed, but Aphrodite always saw a little crack at the top still there, and she hated how she basically put it there.

BUT ANYWAYS!! 

They take her up there and gODS APHRODITE IS EMOTIONAL, SHE WANTS TO HUG ALEX SO BAD!! But she holds back. But Alex talks with her and they both know they want to hug. They want to see each other again. But only one of them is ready to. But Alex finally gives in and hugs her when MC whispers, “It’s okay,” to them. Emotions are everywhere. They’re BOTH crying and then MC CRIES TOO! And Hades hears Aphrodite’s cries and he’s used to it. He’s cried just as much as she has (maybe even more...) and he goes to comfort her and stops in his tracks in front of Aphrodite’s pink curtains, when he sees the love of his life. The one he betrayed. The one he doesn’t deserve.

MC.

He’s stuck in shock and doesn’t move when he sees MC turn around and look at him. He knows reincarnation happens, obviously...but they almost never look the same, but she did. Her body was the same, and her voice was the same when she said “hi”, and she was herself. 

“Hades...”

Hades looked over to see Alex looking at him with anger. The cool, kind hearted demigod that he knew (he still loved Alex no matter what and especially now) and loved was now filled to the brim with anger, and he deserved it. “Alex who is this?” MC would ask, not knowing shes in the room with her ex-fiancee and the man who did nothing to stop her from her death. “This is Hades.” 

MC would look over at him with fear in her eyes. Did she know? “Oh, hi, Hades, sir!” Her voice was now low and fearful of him. He looked towards Alex and they shook their head. “So she doesn’t know,” Hades thought. “Hello, Mrs?”

And she’d say her last name. I was gonna make it Mrs. Cyrpin bc like,,YEAH!! THEY DESERVE HER! But he’d shake her hand and she’d smile at him as he put on a smile. He missed the feeling of her soft hands, the way her eyes were filled with love and care...even if he didn’t deserve it. Now, she turned to Aphrodite. “Oh! I didn’t get to shake your hand. I learned your Alex’s mom.” She reached her hand out, her voice filled with kindness and love...

The love Aphrodite failed to show her all those years ago...The Goddess of Love failed to show love where it was deserved...She failed her, Alex, and MCs mother...GOD THAT HURT HER EVEN MORE!! SHE FAILED HER MOTHER WHEN SHE DIED AND THEN SHE FAILED AGAIN WHEN MC HERSELF DIED!! Meg Im crying...

Anywaysss, Aphrodite shakes her hand as tears continue to fall. “I’m not sure what happened between the three of you, but I got Alex to come back and I hope you all can work it out?” MC looked around hopefully, but everyone was looking at each other. They didn’t think it impossible, but would it be now? MC would walk up to Alex and hold their hands. “Can you try for me?” Alex would nod with a smile. They would always try for her. Then, she would start to leave the room, wanting to give them space, but Alex calls to her before she could leave. “I want you to stay. There’s something we all need to tell you, but it’s not good. You’ll probably hate us.”

MC looks at them with a confused look. “Alex, you know it takes a lot for me to hate someone,” she said with a smile on her face. All of their hearts broke at that statement. They all knew her, but they didn’t know how she would react. This is MC, but a different MC. They don’t know her, so they can only pray for the best. And when they all tell her everything (about her mother, her life before, and how she died), MC is silent the whole time. “MC...?” Hades would ask her. It was the second time he’d said a word to her. She would look at him but it wasn’t just anger. 

It was sadness

Anger

Betrayal

And...hope?

“You threw me to the wolves? You had my mothers blood on your hands and then added mine??” MC’s voice was almost shouting and they all winced at the hurt in her voice. “You promised you would fight for me, right? But then you didn’t? What kind of fiancee does that? No. What kind of man does that?” MC looked towards Aphrodite. “And how does a friend do that? A parent figure?? You love my mother and claimed you love me, but then just...let me DIE?” Her voice was now shouting, she tried to stop it, but it couldn’t be stopped. She was shouting her anger at them, and it only stopped when Alex grabbed her hand. “It was also my fault.” MC put a finger on their lips to silence them.

“You did everything you could, Alex.” MC would be silent for a moment and would take a deep breath. “I need a few days, please.” She looked at Aphrodite and Hades and they both had tears on their face and MC only noticed the tears on her face when Alex reached out to wipe them off her face. “Take all the time you need, my dears.” Alex and MC would leave, and she would notice they had a golden heart on. “It’s my artifact. Something I gave up long ago. It was too painful to wear.” MC wouldn’t ask questions, not wanting to pain them even more right now, she just hugged them as they stood outside of HERA.

MEGGG!! IM SAD!! CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS!! ANYWAYS,,,

They take a few days apart (from Hades and Aphrodite I mean), but Alex did promise their mother that they’d come back. They missed her and Hades and would try for them. MC promised she’d come back as well, even if it hurt her. But yeah...they go back one day and see Aphrodite and Hades. They didn’t notice it before, but Aphrodite’s glow is gone. She’s a goddess, someone who has a glow around them, you can feel power radiating off of them, but that was gone for her. It was dampened by her sadness, and that hurt Alex even more. Hades was dampened as well. It was still there and could be felt since he was the God of the Underworld. Shadows followed him and would always be there. But anywayysss, they’d go back and try to talk things out. Hades and Aphrodite couldn’t think of an excuse. They should’ve fought for her, but they didn’t

There was no excuse, no defense, nothing. They just gave her all their apologies and hoped she’d come back and give them one more try. This time, they will fight for her if something goes wrong, they promise her and Alex that. And she decides to come back, she’d give them a smile and a promise as they give her one, but Alex isn’t so convinced. They look at their mother and Hades with a suspicious look, and MC would grab their hand tightly. “Hey, let them try. You miss them, so lets give it a try.” Alex would look at MC for a few moments. They love her with all their heart, but its hard to listen to her this one time. But they know she only wants the best for them, so they nod and promise they’d see them more often.

AND THEY DO!! AND EVENTUALLY APHRODITE GETS SOME GREAT NEWS!! ALEX AND MC ARE GETTING MARRIED!!

Aphrodite is ecstatic. She’s congratulating them, giving them both tight hugs, and that glow is back and shining bright. Hades is the second person to find out and he’s proud for both of them. MC says, “I’m sorry if this hurts since we were engaged, but I just...I love them so much and I’m sure I loved you so much, too. But, you’ll find someone again, I promise!!” Her smile was bright and reassuring, but he didn’t know if he ever would. He believed he didn’t deserve love anymore, but when she saw his sad face, she gave him a little pout and put her hands on her hips, like she did when she was a little girl with him.

“No frowns here! I’m sure you will! You’re an amazing man and you’ll fight for that person! If not then I’m sure Alex will probably kill you,” she said with a nervous laugh at the end. Hades would do a soft chuckle and ruffle her hair like he did so long ago. She’d smile and walk away and he’d felt his heart break, but also swell in joy. She’s happy. Alex is happy. It’s all he ever wished for.

AND THEN YA KNOW THEY GET MARRIED (not on Olympus bc we hate almost all the gods OTHER than Hades and Aphrodite for right now-) AND EVERYONES HAPPY AND THEN THEY HAVE KIIIDDDSSS!! THEY HAVE KIIIIDDSSS!!! And when Aphrodite and Hades get to hold Jason they’re in awe. This tiny child is now someone they get the blessing to hold. They don’t deserve it, they don’t, but they thank MC and Alex for forgiving them. It’d been around 200 years since MC died, but they’d wait this long again if it meant they’d be able to hold Jason and see MC and Alex again.

And sometimes Hades wonders what would’ve happened if he did fight for her. Would they have kids of their own?? Would they be married to this day? Would he be able to hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loves her? He doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to think about it, he’s just happy to have her in his life again. And he hopes one day he’ll be able to see MCs mom. He’s assuming MCs mom isn’t the friend he once new, now just a woman he didn’t know, and he hopes one day his friend will come back as well...and maybe she will forgive him.

UGHHH MEGGG IM SO SAD!! I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST SO I CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!! BUT YEAH,,I’m sad😭. And if it wasn’t Alex who gets with her, then Apollo would get with her bc Apollo deserves happiness and in this AU he did NOT vote for MC to become Hera since MC would be Rose and nOoOo. But yh I hope you liked this bc it had me crying at 2 AM in the morning,,,

Some proofreading but not much so :’)).

[jadedjxsung]

written ship

“If ur ok w it can I request a romantic ship bc idk I’m just genuinely curious HHAHAHA,,, Idk how to explain how I look BUT I have long brown hair w bangs, light skin medj big eyes, I have lips leaning towards the plumper side and am 5’3 and a half HHAHAHA. (( if you want I can send a picture if that doesn’t help you !!! ))    As for my personality I’m rlly friendly and understanding !!! I’ve been told I am rlly good at listening and understanding both sides when there’s an argument, and I’m quite outgoing depending on my mood,,, mostly outgoing though !!! I’m quite hot tempered but I can control it. I am the type of person to think a lot and I need to rant to someone about it,,, and I also want to be able to be like a some sort of emotional pillar for some people bc a lot of ppl tell em I’m good at like listening, giving advice and empathizing w problems and such,,, but I care a lot,,, to the point where I get affected by every little thing,,, basically I’m hella sensitive but I’m trying to work on it hehehe.    Idk if this is true or false but I’ll add it in anyway bc it MUGHT be helpful,,, im told I’m like a white puppy ???? Like I’m told I’m like rlly pure and naive and somewhat energetic HHAHAHA,,, bc I always manage to make my friends soft for me or make em talk to me about their struggles naturally. I would say I’m open minded, and bro I literally can’t get mad at anyone ???? Bc I’m scared they’ll get hurt but when something gets too far I’ll try to tell em as nice as possible and to try to not make it look like it’s completely their fault, bc I think that in most situations there’s usually two part of the story so yeah HHAHAHA,,, like I just rlly try to find what the person did good yk hHAHAH,,, my mom has also told me I’m too nice and I try too hard to find the good in ppl to the point where I kinda forget about myself but rlly im working on that.    Tbh im the sort of person to think A LOT A LOT and get myself into stupid things bc I think it’ll be fun and I do it w good intention in mind but then I just end up getting myself into some small drama and I get stressed and ofc I know it’s my fault bc I got myself into it but after that I’ve gotten sooo so paranoid I always think I’m doing something wrong but like I know I didn’t like at the back of my head but I still apologize first.      As for my interests I rlly like dancing, sports in general,,, drawing, music, and working out for some reason HHAHAHA,,, one of my favorite things to do is to just go out for a drive and listen to chill music bc like idk o just find it soooo relaxing !!!! And I like going on walks like on a beach especially when it’s cold and windy Bc it’s rlly refreshing !!! Like I just like staying on a balcony w a nice view w wind just BLOWING yk. Tbh if I were in a relationship o would want it to be like walking in beaches and filming each other’s memories yk bc I just find that so so so fun esp when you compile it and look back at it I’m the future !!!!     I would also love to have like a dog in the future of adopt one or own one w my future s/o bc one, Ive never had a dog but always wanted one and two, it just seems like soooo much fun 🥰. Like I would also LOVE to binge watch a drama w my future s/o or just w friends and family yk bc NGL binge watching a drama is soooo much fun especially when you have people around. I also as I’ve said rlly enjoy singing dancing and drawing,,, especially drawing !!!     At times I can be a big crackhead bc I randomly think of weird questions at random times of the day HHAHAHA and when I ask someone they kinda ask if I’m okay But rlly it just COMES to me ya know. Like one time I thought,,, “would I rather eat curry that tastes like poop or poop that tastes like curry” KSBAJA,,,    I rlly like hugging ppl ??? Idk why ???? I also have a tendency to brush ppls hair JSBSJA,,, I really I’m a big softie w a lot and of crackgead energy HHAHAHA,,, I also rlly like to bake and cook bc it’s therapeutic sometimes and at times I just feel so PROFESSIONAL IABJA wow ok HHAHAHA,,, ok this is LONG but I hope you found it helpful !!!”

-

wow! this is very long haha, but indeed very helpful!

i ship you with…

hyunjin!

okayokayokay so

hyunjin has said that his ideal type is someone who can “listen to my worries well and can empathize to them as if it’s their own worries.”

so you would get along very well!

also you both like dancing so that’s a big plus. bonus points if you already know a lot of skz’s choreography and if hyunjin’s practicing by himself you sometimes join in for funsies and end up dancing like crackheads lmao

next point: kkami.

like you’ll just be looking after kkami for the day, and you were taking a nap with kkami on your couch

and hyunjin enters your house quietly because he wanted to surprise you

and he looks into the living room to see you asleep on the couch, kkami curled up beside you.

by this point you wake up, but continue to pretend sleeping. you hear hyunjin whisper shout “kkami!”

kkami stays beside you, not moving at all. this occurs for about two minutes before you open your eyes and just watch as hyunjin literally is doing his best to get kkami to go to him. he stands up and pouts, then sees you’re awake and goes over to where you’re lying down on the couch.

“kkami loves you more than he loves me” [cue more pouting]

“aww come here baby, it’s okay because i love you and i know he does too. he just doesn’t show it.” you move over and then all three of you end up napping on your couch for a few hours while you run your hands through his quite excellent hair (especially the hair he has now aajkhfskd) :’) w h o l e s o m e 

i think you’d be really good in arguments - you sound like a good mediator and i think being able to see his perspective will help you in sorting out the issue and coming to an agreement/solution. he’s so soft for you though so he can’t be mad at your for long, especially when you never get mad at him. i think that it’s good but also being too empathetic is definitely going to be your downfall sometimes.

tbh i think most of your arguments would probably be based around whatever dramas you’re watching - though these are more of the joking kind of arguments rather than like a fight argument. like whether x character’s redemption arc was actually good or not, or even just little things like what happens in each episode, or oddly specific things like whether x character’s favourite coffee is an americano or a latte. (my friends and i do this with sherlock lmao we argue about it a lot, anyway i digress)

you guys will have drama marathons at least once a month. lots of snacks, blankets, pillows, and cuddles. 

your random questions always make him laugh, you know the one where his eyes crinkle and stuff :)

thank you for requesting @hyungenes​ i hope you are well and stay safe! :)

(also the alternate endings to heather are taking so long because i’ve written about half of each and kinda didn’t know where they were going. i’ll finish them soon though, hopefully!)

[loghainmactir]

to get it out of my system, under the cut is basically a rundown of what has happened over the last 2 days n is why i havent been around (as much?). if there’s no READ MORE im very sorry i’m tagging this as long post so y’all can avoid it if it doesn’t. tw for talk of parents w mental illness, threats/violence etc i guess? Idk it’s a mess

basically what happened is my sister messaged me like “lol guess who’s in the psychiatric ward” yesterday night. i was pretty unsurprised bc basically up until now my dad has been SUPER wishy-washy: smoking a LOT of weed daily, going from friendly and approachable one minute & wanting to talk to my sister (because her and her boyfriend almost always have weed) to whipping around and threatening to “tear her face off in strips” over a misunderstanding where my sister went to his & his mum’s place, cigarettes “went missing”, and it turned out that he’d taken them, etc the next.

basically, his mental illness was gradually getting worse and worse until he snapped, bc his mum?? didn’t know how to deal with it (or was scared to ask him if he needed help? idk)

ANYWAY. cut to yesterday. cam messages me. i’m like... ok. cool. i hope he finds the help he needs.

THEN she messages me like. oh. actually, he never went to the hospital and now he’s missing.

Like, what? So I called my gran/his mum: he’d snapped at her and became verbally aggressive/abusive (apparently, I found out today, because he’d been trying to explain that their telephone provider was a waste of time... while being manic). so she called the cops.

LMAO. so they came over, basically BULLIED her into taking their sheet for an intervention order, and then took dad to the station. they did a “mental stability test” involving his name, date and location (sounding more like it was intended for drug addicts but u kno!!!), decided that his manic rambling & behaviour Checked Out 100%, and decided to let him go.

THE POLICE LET A MAN CLEARLY IN NEED OF SUPPORT JUST FUCKING GO. They offered him homeless support, and he declined, showed SEVERAL signs of severe mental illness, and they just let him go. This was three nights ago.

So, what does dad do? He walks. For 15 hours. To Bacchus Marsh, intending to get to Melbourne. In the rain, in the dark, from 6:30pm.

(Sometime between then and when we got to him, he also closed his bank account, sold his phone for $50, tried to cancel his Disability Support Pension and dropped his wallet off willingly at Centrelink.)

He also stole a small bottle of milk from a convenience store bc he had no money; he literally drank it in front of the woman at the counter and said he had no money.

Apparently he also ran into a transport officer, asked for directions back home once he realized walking to Melbourne wasn’t exactly feasible (I’m REAL fucking shocked & disgusted no one tried to help him by now tbh). He got home in time for the intervention order trial, napped in front of the police station beforehand... and then started walking again.

This time, from the court to my sister’s place. He spooked one of her roommates and then went to her boyfriend’s place. He hung out there until we got to him, and when we got to him he was in a state. He hadn’t eaten or showered since Wednesday, so we let him eat and shower.

I don’t think my sister knew what to do, and so for a while she was accidentally encouraging his thought processes and his ideas of avoiding the hospital. i managed to track it back and suggest that the hospital had warm, soft beds for him, because he’s literally homeless now, and nice food.

then for the next 6? hours i went with him, alone, and we went to the hospital. i got him in for a psych eval and admitted. the entire time from leaving cam’s boyfriend’s place to the time i left, he could not stop talking. it was like he had a million things in his head, and he wanted to talk about one thing, but then he jumped to the next as soon as an opportunity arrived.

Last time i saw him they hadn’t gotten him a bed/room in the psych ward bc it was full, so they aimed for the hospital rooms instead. i feel really bad for leaving him there but it was literally 11.30, my eyes & head hurt and i was hungry. like, i’m hopefully gonna scrounge up some change to go visit tomorrow (or get mum to take me in) n i’ll bring him some cake, but i just.

It’s really fucking hard seeing your dad like that when you hadn’t talked for a while leading to that. I felt like I was doing things myself & still am— I’m gonna let him use my savings account (it only has like 50c now) for his Disability payments since he doesn’t have one and at least that way he can’t be tempted to spend all of it (bc my account). like, i’m so exhausted.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[soundsdarkbutokay]

a couple months ago I had come to another pinnacle of my depression

the highest one yet

It had been three years since I had felt good or okay, so long

so fucking long

I had a couple short period in between when I was doing better, and thought maybe I was finally over it but I was fucking wrong

one day I was driving home from school, really in a mood and struggling not to break down while driving

there’s a lake I pass that I would always think about jumping into when it gets really cold and just drowning myself

I think about it a lot still but it was daily for days weeks months YEARS

I ended up driving down there and stepping outside my car

I stood there for a long time my parents calling me over and over

it eventually made me get in my car and drive home hoping maybe I would tell my parents about everything

I get home in tears and my parents 

ARE PISSED AT ME

they start yelling at me not because they were worried about where I was or what I was doing but because I was going to be late for work

late for fucking work

I just turned off

like I just wasnt in there anymore the light was off

I went to work and jesus Christ the customers were just evil that day

I had one woman call me a “useless fucking idiot”

at one point I walked back to get a package  and just kinda sat there alone for a while in the dark room in the back

I noticed a box cutter and just stared at it for a really long time until a coworker came in

he was a nice guy but I think I scared him or something bc he’s been a little weird around me since, nice but weird

after that I just hid in the kids section and cleaned that area up so I wouldnt have to deal with customers, I just couldnt face them, I knew I would break down

I got home and it was late enough that my parents were in bed and I wouldnt have to get nagged at

I ended up sitting in the bathroom for a long time

it’s kind of my safe place I guess

it’s the most private room, no one ever bugs me there

I ended up cutting into my leg, even though all my life I swore I would never turn to self harm.  

I would always say something like “hurting yourself wont help at all!” “It’s stupid, you cant make yourself feel better by hurting yourself”

I realize it’s not about that

I dont think that many people cut to feel better

people cut because they dont feel anything

because they think they deserve the pain

I ended up breaking down into tears and having such an intense melt down I doubt there’s anyway my family DIDNT hear me. I was right next to my brothers room and right above my parents. It felt like I was dying, like i had been flayed into pieces and someone was flipping through my shreds like you would flip through a book. I remember beating my head with my hands and my eyes rolling up. I started screaming and laughing, i had lost all control.

I was laughing so hard my throat started to hurt

I said fuck it and started cutting into my leg

It took a long time for me to calm down, I think I ended up falling asleep in the bathroom.

but woke up an hour or two later

I cleaned up and tried to cover my wounds up (I made them too fucking wide and had to rig up a makeshift band aid)

I dont know how the hell my parents didnt notice

maybe they didnt want to.

But it hasnt been the same between me and them since

it hurts so bad because we’ve always been a close family, they’ve always been so supportive and loving.

they knew I had gone trough depression before and was suicidal

THEY KNEW

They were the reason I hadnt already killed myself

they were the only fucking reason I hadnt just fucking ended it

I didnt want to hurt them I didnt want to cause them pain

but they arent the same anymore

it’s like they’re fucking strangers

every day all I’ll be doing something or talking to someone and I’ll be thinking

“what the hell am I even doing, why the fuck am I still even here. I should just kill myself already.”

people would say “see you later” and at first  I would think “yeah maybe” but soon it turned into “not if I kill myself” “hopefully not” “not if i can finally do it”

found out from my doctor that my pills had changed and I realized that they were having a bad reaction in me and making things worse

I got new pills and there was a reprieve

like a month or two where things got better  

but it’s still here 

closing the curtains during a storm doesnt make the storm go away.

I’ve been feeling more and more like the day my parents yelled at me

like the light is off

i dont see a point in doing anything

I say and do the things I used to say and do all the time just because I remember there used to be a reason I would say and do those things

they dont mean anything anymore

I struggle to answer questions and talk to people because I’m trying to remember what I would have said years ago

Like I’m playing a character that was never finished

my memory is so bad

I’m struggling to remember the most simple things

and now I’m struggling to remember faces 

I get everyone confused now and have a hard time telling people apart

I feel damaged and broken

I feel retarded

I dont mean that in an offensive way

I mean I feel like my whole life I’ve had mental retardation and my parents have just been telling it was something else

and now it’s at the point were it cant be denied anymore

with each year the water rose and now it’s so high im struggling to stay above it

I feel like every praise was a lie 

I feel like each friendship was a farce

every interaction ever made with me was made out of pity or by mistake

I started trying to reach out

I talked to others and tried making friends

I wasn't just ignored I was unwanted

things fell apart not because of me but other reasons

yet no one went to look in the rubble for me anyway

not even a simple hey or passing comment

I can barley take it

I speak to my closest friends and they say ever things fine and that they love me but it all feels fake

I want to believe them so bad but evey time I talk to them I feel like im saying something wrong like I should just leave so they can enjoy themselves

no one talks to me

no one ever fucking talks to me

and I’m so alone

I dont even know how to talk to others at this point

I feel like I’ll never be able to talk to anyone again without feeling like they only talk to me out of pity

because they feel bad for the sad retarded girl

the stupid fucking useless girl

[bb-bigbang-org]

EPISODE 1: “This house offers no cute people, and I hate it” - DREW

.

.

.

CODY

I am playing up a character so I’m acting kinda cold to a lot of people saying short simple answers to DM’s mostly. 

MANDI

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. i think im actually really going to love this cast.

DREW

Alright ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna make the first text confessional and I think its gonna be very simple. 

This house offers no cute people, and I hate it. I usually flirt with one man and woman in this house, and there is NO ONE cute in this cast. But I guess, this being the inaugural season of this ORG- I can't fault them because... it was probably hard for the production to find a solid group of people! That being said, the person coming closest to /cute/ is Andrew... but we'll see how it goes it from there.

DESIREE

Here are my first impressions based on the videos!

I want to be Katrina's friend. She seems like a super cool chick.

Austin seems like a good guy but it's hard to judge without a video and without chatting.

Mandi seems really distracted in her video and I worry that she will not have enough time for this game if she has so many other responsibilities.

Drew seems like a pretty chill guy, but for some reason I suspect that there will be some drama with him later on...

Pennino's a cutie. Voting him most likely to self evict. But he seems like a good kid.

Lukas is funny, I feel like he's going to be popular from the start... Not sure which way I should go with that but I should keep an eye on him.

Sooo I guess Frosby knows a bunch of people in this ORG which is certainly concerning. But he seems like a good guy.

Brooke seems like a lost sheep which may make her a good person to keep around for the numbers.

Kayla seems cool! Seems like she is knowledgeable about BBORGS but also seems pretty levelheaded. Also, she's pregnant! How sweet! As I mentioned in my video, I want to work in medicine with pregnant women so I love that.

Joe is cohosting another ORG I'm in and I feel like the other host doesn't like me so I wonder if he doesn't like me either.

Ashley seems great. She seems like someone I would hang out with.

Love Andy! I played in The Circle Online with him!

Sammy seems cool! He also mentioned time issues, but I feel like he would be active enough. He has respects for the hosts so I imagine he won't be missing too much, just might not be as active in the house chats. Probably a good person to keep around, though.

Cody hasn't provided much info except being Australian, which is pretty cool. lol

omg Chloe's video... She seems fun, seems like the kind of drunk to give a stranger a pep talk in a bar bathroom.

KAYLA

First day in the Big Brother house and I'm already part of two alliances. One I know was made by Cody the other...I'm not sure. Cody really wants this HOH which seems risky but, that's his choice, I guess. I really don't want to win HOH at all. Like...bruh lol so if somehow my guess was accurate...I'm gonna yeet myself into oblivion. Like, I want Cody to take the fall. Let him make the bloody first moves haha

FROSBY

Frosby is back in the saddle and I already have no idea what im doing... yet again. But ya know what im here to have fun god damiit and fun is what im going to have. First off im glad to see joe made this season bc BOOM instant ally gotta love the guy. 2nd Im already making some fast friends, what can I say I love talking to people. PRetty soon im going to have so many allies I wont know what to do. This season my main goal is to try and make a little more friends with more of the ladies. I realized in my last season of BB I didn't have a single girl for an ally and I feel like I sold myself short on some good quality allies. SO im going to try my best and talk to everyone and make allies with as many people as I can so I can safely make it through the early evictions. Also my plan is play it cool with challenges until post jury time and then I step up my challenge game! That is all I got for tonight ill probably come back tomorrow with a view on big players in the game. FROSBY OUT 

CODY

TO sum up my first day of this game I am playing it hard and fast! I am ensuring that I have a majority alliance and it’s awesome because I was quite lucky to have a few pre game connections going into this so I’ve utilised all of them. And it helped that Brooke wanted to make an alliance with me and a few other people from it

I pitched to everyone that the game of Big Brother is a difficult one to navigate through which is the reason why I created this majority alliance. Now my goal is to win this HOH and start the game from the top. When I am at the top is when my aggressive nature will truly start to kick in. First of all when I decide who I nominate I am going to request an alliance chat with them and tell them that I’m on top they are on the bottom and they both have 0 chance of winning the game. Then proceed to put them on the block

Now hopefully me being so aggressive it will actually be a weird way of showing how loyal I am to my alliance. This could easily backfire of course but the idea is for them to perceive me as a goat. When in reality that’s what I want them to think and I will do everything I can to aggressively get things my way in this game. And if I find out that any of my allies are going against me and the alliance I’m going to be aggressive about how I call them out for it. And hopefully the perception will still be “yeah this guy might be mean but he’s also very loyal to his people let’s take someone else out over him”

PENNINO

So i'm here! I'm really happy to be here. But I see some faces like Joe, Kayla, and Brooke, which I know, and I'm kinda scared about playing with them, but I really need to start talking to people. 

MANDI

So, the first day Cody made a nine person alliance. which is fine and all because i am in it but he is literally running the alliance and im not sure i really trust him at all yet.. so we will see how fast this will blow up.

KATRINA

Oh boy. I’m in over my head. There’s so many new people and I have no clue how to play this game. It’s so hard keeping track of people and who they are. I think a lot of these people know each other and have played with each other before which scares me. That means I have a disadvantage. I am an outsider and they won’t see me the same as those people that they’ve already played with. I’m going to try and stay under the radar but be very friendly since that’s what worked for me in the last org that I played in. I’ve met some really nice People so far. I really like Andrew and Austin. I hope the people that I’m talking to and making friends with her trustworthy. I would really hate if I started becoming really good friends with somebody and they turned out to go behind my back. That would really suck if I was one of the first people to leave.

DESIREE

For the record, I do not want to win the first HOH. Its too early for that power and I don't want to make a splash yet. I would rather just watch from the sidelines this week.

As my theme song said - "Take one step at a time, there's no need to rush."

JOE

I feel like I’ve made some solid bonds with the people around me. Came in knowing a lot of people, and they seem like they’re all willing to work with me. I think Mandi and frosby will be my go to’s. Surprised frosby still wants to work with me after last game but I feel like I can trust him. I think I’m in a good spot for at least these first few weeks. 

BROOKE

Watching Lukas blow up unde9able is great. Especially since I was the one that ratted it out to him. He came to me and said Cody has a nine person alliance and since he’s HoH, I didn’t want to lie to him. He promised me safety in return of telling him who’s in it. I’m just gonna kick back and relax and hope he doesn’t nominate Kayla. 

DREW

Unde9nable got leaked already? I wonder who told the HoH... not I, but I did tell Chloe- and girl its a MESS. I gotta act like I'm in some sort of trouble with Lukas, but after speaking with him earlier, he knows that its a front. I literally am just not feeling Cody, and his ass needs to GO. Glad to see that I have some people agreeing with me that he's fake, he sounds robotic, and that he's disingenuous! LOVE THAT FOR ME!!! 

ASHLEY

Hey hey it’s already day 2 feeling okay. I kinda wish that the one on ones weren’t in my private messages but it’s okay. I am getting to know people and it’s cool. Pretty good so far. I like Lukas and Sammy. And I’m glad I didn’t win HOH I don’t want to be first and have a target.

CODY

So I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen moving forward with my game. Obviously the HOH plan and alliance failed and I made the decision to stir the pot a little and made a particular comment which got reported. And it made me realise it’s best to stop the crazy persona. 

I do feel like I do have some legit relationships in this game, people such as Joe and Kayla I’ve talked to a lot. I’m not entirely sure that they will want to play with me moving forward through. Thankfully I do have an alliance with Brooke which she started and like I said I do feel like I got a good bond with Joe and Kayla. However it’s probably not gonna be enough. I just spent some time chilling in voice chat with a few people and we had a good time. We talked essentially 0 game though which was absolutely fine, the only thing we did talk about was just me apologising for my actions however I feel like I’m definitely a dead man walking but I can try to use that to my advantage and say that I am an open number. I just hope that does not make me perceived as a wildcard

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 2:

HOH Competition: I was really trying not to win the first HOH competition, but I didn't throw it necessarily, I just didn't try at all. I didn't want to obviously throw, but I figured not trying would be enough not to win. WELL turns out I tied for 2nd out of 16 houseguests. WHOOPS. That was close. Anyway, Lukas won! I feel okay with Lukas as HOH. We have talked a bit and he consults with me game decisions, so I feel pretty safe. We don't have an explicit alliance, but we have said we'll have each other's back this week at least.

9 person alliance: So, apparently there was a majority alliance created in the first 24 hours of the game. Even worse, it seems that Cody created the alliance and just added random people in without consulting them first. That seems messy af. Lukas blew up the alliance in the house after someone leaked it to him. I mean, are you surprised it got leaked if people didn't even want to be in it? I would have leaked it too! Lukas may have created a target on his back by blowing that up, but it seems like most people in the house are on his side because most people weren't committed to that alliance anyway.

House Meeting: After the alliance was exposed, Cody decided to call a house meeting. He explained that he came in here and decided to play a "drill sergeant" character. He quickly realized that he was rubbing people the wrong way after he got reported for threatening physical violence. He will play as himself from now on. He was trying to save his own ass, but I think it's too late for him.

Houseguest Connections:

The person I'm the closest with in the house so far is Frosby. We got to chatting on the first night about board games and the conversation just flowed really easily. He was a part of that 9 person "alliance" but that doesn't really concern me because I believe that he was just added willy nilly and didn't have any stake in it. Other than that, I've talked game with Lukas the most. I don't have any solid alliances formed, but I wanted to wait until week 2 to really start solidifying things. I prefer to take the time to get to know people before committing to alliances.

MANDI

well first nomination ceremony went good!! i totally forgot pennino was in the game.😳 i feel bad because he is in such a different time zone then all of us buuuuut. i was nominated so thats good. i am trying my best to just be social with everyone. i have talked to ash and desiree on vc but other than that i havent talked to them at all. i have yet to talk to pennino at all. but other than that i have mostly talked to everyone either through dm or in the house chat. i am honestly scared this game.😂 i have no idea what ANYONE is thinking. im worried about brooke and kayla because they are so close and know about me and joe. i know they are eventually going to try and break me and him up. joe will always be my number one and i will always protect my little brother.😎

PENNINO

So this is a bad situation. But I want to work with Lukas. Keep your enemies REALLY close

ANDREW

My thought on my housemates so far.

(They will be rank 1-15 purposely, it’s just a first impression rank, not everything in written in stone) 

1. Lukas (we’ve had a good connection, very fluid conversation, nice dude, TOP ally rn, he wasn’t part of the 9 person alliance)

2. Frosby (he contacted me, and he was very nice, very cool, he was part of the 9 person alliance, and we were both a bit Wary about it too.)

3. Mandi (my twinsie)

4. Sammy (he’s very nice, a bit busy, but when he has a break, he talks and it’s very fluid)

5. Desiree (i know her from another org, and she maybe an ally, like be a huge threat because she knows I play a good social game)

6. Katrina (i respect her for her career choice, also she said I was funny, and well now I love her lol)

7. Chloe (party girl, fun to talk to her, that character can also be an act, but benefit of the doubt)

8. Drew (he’s Zen, cool, i like him)

9. Ashley (she’s cute, i like her for now)

10. Kayla (i got no solid opinion of Kayla rn)

11. Brooke (she’s very active, i like that, but she has already a social game going on, and obviously I’m not part of it, but that can benefit me, for now)

12. Joe (who?)

13. Austin (weed bro, doesn’t talk much)

14. Cody (catfish)

15. Pennino (he’s very young, and has a very weird time difference, I’ve played a previous org with him, and he didn’t talk at all, i bet he bites more than he can chew)

That’s is my initial ranking of my houseguests.

My strategy for this game is “smile and wave”, this is 80 days, and the dying star will be mainly based on vengeance on another houseguest or if they think it’s a threat. Keep it cute, this game is basically called the “long con”. I’m ready to play.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 3:

Lukas nominated Cody & Pennino today, and then Sammi, Chloe, & Frosby were picked. I feel good with the nominees, Cody already blew up his game and I haven't really talked to Pennino at all. I am happy to not be picked for POV as well, because I want to lay low in the game for now. I am happy that Frosby got picked though, because he is my ally so if he wins I can at least feel involved from the sidelines.

CODY

Alright so according to a few people I might actually be safe...it’s hard to believe anything that you are told in this game. But if I’m safe then fuck yessss I’m back in it. 

It seems as though people’s views and thoughts on me have changed mostly and the votes actually might not all be coming my way. However I’m still not expecting to be kept safe because they could just be trying to make me feel comfortable! 

If I do survive I am going to try and lay low for a bit. I’m probably going to throw the next HOH, still undecided. I don’t wanna draw too much attention onto myself because if I’m in a position of nominating people straight away after surviving then people might change how they feel about me yet again especially if they’re on the receiving end of a nomination

I am also probably not going to set up any alliances either unless I feel I absolutely need to. I think instead I’m going to try and be looked upon as kind of a floating free agent. I might only try to win vetos if I get picked for them

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 4:

Sammy won POV and didn't use it. I think that was the right decision. Final nominees are Cody & Pennino. Lukas told me he doesn't care who goes home and that it's up the house, but it seems like Pennino is a pawn here. I think if there is someone in the group who is so obviously making waves, they should go for the first week. In the coming weeks, we can worry about bigger threats, but first week, I'm more in favor of evicting the person who is the most controversial.

ASHLEY

Trust ratings so far (1 most & 15 least)

1. Sammy

2. Joe

3. Brooke

4. Kayla

5. Drew

6. Mandi

7. Lukas

8. Chloe

9. Katrina

10. Frosby

11. Desiree

12. Austin

13. Andy

14. pennino

15. Cody

MANDI

UGH. i dont know who to vote for.😭 everyone is so back and forth. everyone wants cody out because he rubbed them the wrong way, and pennino. people want him gone because he isnt very active, but he is sooo nice. but also i love drama and cody is a good drama started. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO.😭😭 no one is giving me answers on who is going or who is staying.

ANDREW

Trust Ranking: 

1. Lukas

2. Frosby

3. Mandi

4. Sammy

5. Desiree

6. Austin

7. Brooke

8. Katrina

9. Drew

10. Chloe

11. Cody

12. Ashley

13. Kaya

14. Joe

15. Pennino

From 5-to 13. It can totally change during time.

DREW

Absolutely gaggin. 

Like this is how the first week is gonna end? People are gonna claim that CODY is the least threatening player than a 14 year-old. Absolutely bonkers man. Did I sign up to play Big Brother or Hopscotch? Like my god- the way that Ashley and Brooke are going around trying to PERSUADE the other houseguests that Cody is the one to keep. AND it doesn't help matters when I'm supposed to be aligned with Joe/Mandi/Katrina, and they're all like- yeah Cody isn't a competition threat and a vote shield!? 

AND WHAT OF THE DAMN 14 YEAR OLD? HUH? WHAT DOES THAT MAKE HIM?!?

Like I understand that Pennino isn't the most active, but why are we gonna be wasting a WEEK on him when he's probably gonna strike out for inactivity or something down the line?!? LIKE I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Everyone here is thinking on the short term, and I honestly hate it. I really do. 

Bollocks. I'm just so over everything that has transpired in the last 24 hours. And if this is any indication on how the rest of the game will be- then I'm gonna make it my damn mission to make sure that I get Ashley, Brooke, Frosby, Joe, and Andrew out of here. Trust and believe.

MANDI

soooo. kayla and sammy came to me and said they wanted to flip the votes and evict cody. i told them if they had the votes i would go wherever the house went. well my alliance with joe, drew, and katrina said we had the votes to keep cody. we have frosby, brooke, joe, drew, katrina, ashley, desiree, and maybe chloe?? i dont know and then me. i told sammy that they didnt have the votes to flip and that cody would be a good vote shield if we were ever on the block with him. so i finally convinced sammy to keep cody. sorry kayla and austin! i am just going where the house goes. i honestly dont care who goes home but i think keeping cody is our best option going forward in the game. plus pennino hasnt talked to me at all and i think i can trust cody.

BROOKE

Kayla really wants Cody gone but I think he should stay.. I really don’t want to go against her or lie to her but if I have to, I will.

WEEK 1 CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKxuIySz2d8

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE EIGHT: “MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty” - Kurt

So after Trent walked there was silence for a long time, and an announcement came out (well two). The first was the Trent announcement (RIP we will avenge you!) At the bottom it announced he was the first member of the JURY! This excites me for three reasons. First off, I never made jury on my original season in Easter Island because I won and during my second season (darksided Generations) I was a self proclaimed (with heavy delusion) pre jury robbed goddess. The second reason that I almost shit my corduroys that jury stage was here was because if I was a pre merge juror, I would not under ANY circumstance vote for someone’s game I did not see. I also know Trent is personally rooting for original Armonia villains which is a vote in my pocket if I end up at the end. My final reason that I was excited was that I was happy that Trent got to participate in the jury stage because he deserves it. He played a phenomenal pre merge game and I’m happy he gets to at least have a say in the winner, regardless of the outcome.

I was getting to my other point, the second announcement came minutes later....MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty. I was stoked because we’re officially at that point. It’s also a little scary because there’s only five original Armonia left with Trent going. I’m also scared because I know Andreas and I have bad blood from Easter Island when my alliance bullied him all season long. I have a lot of ass kissing to do and I hope I have some good acting skills because this is going to be a chore. Actually the more I think about it, the only bright side of merge is that we’re that much closer to making it to the end. Oh and NED. Hydra is reunited and oh it feels good.

MERGE!! Yes! I’m so happy, and better yet—the people I wanted out most are gone! Olivia, Keegan and Trent. They were all coming for my head, and I LOVE they left one by one. That’s karma for you. Don’t get me wrong, I like/love them all on a personal level, but game wise I’m so happy they’re gone and I’m glad Trent is fine. Now I’m meeting the final batch of people. Sarah I already know but I need to catch up with her! Nikolas unless he’s just not there is online and hasn’t responded in an hour or so, but he was cool to talk to. Lukas and Matt however I do like the most right now! Matt I feel I’m connecting with a bit and same with Lukas. Kurt and Sharifa I still feel connected to, but Kurt said he can’t trust anybody right now due to what was going on, and him and sharifa were feeling me in on everything. Basically Olivia’s antics with going after me really messed her and her group up and it got her caught with her strategy like I knew she’d get caught eventually. I peeped her and Trent way before the curve, mainly because they were that fucking obvious. Jake I have to KEEP my eye on. Because they said he was upset with Olivia going but he’s saying he heard what Olivia was trying and was happy she’s gone. So imma have to feel him out but for now I think he’s lying due to what I’ve heard. As for the heroes I love them all and I really hope we stick together or they’ll just pick us all off. And that I don’t want to happen. At all. And I just hope for once I can chill and not have my name thrown, but you never know. This could be the start to a very messy round. I usually sleep late but I might sleep early because I feel I might be getting sick and I know as soon as I take this medicine I’ll be drowsy so we’ll see!!

Whew Chile... what a moment yesterday was. So the morning after me sharifa and kurt are plotting to blindside Sarah, I see that kurt called w nicklas and downplayed our relationship which nicklas didn’t buy but wasn’t too shaded by it. But I decided to tell sharifa and kurt that I know nicklas so they trust him more Which resulted in kurt going AWFF thinking that his game was ruined or something? Idk i was shaking but we talked it out and he was calm Then the plan for Sarah gets scrapped because trent decides to quit! It sucked because he would be a number for us, but it’s best to respect his wishes.... So trent goes and then we MERGE. Lord help me. I ain’t ready for this shit S O S

We merged....... im so happy because i could not stay on the heroes for much longer. We were getting too small and it was scary honestly. Of the 12 people in the game, there's 3 I haven't played this season with yet, which isn't terrible! I'm not meeting a bunch of people. I've also had a lot happening in my personal life so that's been impacting my ability to interact. One thing that is noteworthy is that Ned, Sarah, and I have reunited finally and we are about to run this game !!!!! Let it be KNOWN!!!

So these are my thoughts on everyone: Sarah: Love her, would die for her, we are co-winning this game together with Ned. Ned: Love him, would die for him, we are co-winning this game together with Sarah. Chris: So I know I've been 'working with him' but I don't trust him because I think he's a lot closer to Malik then I think. He is good for my game but I'm only working with him because I need to. Dennis: Similarly to Chris, I am only working with him because I need to. I think he might be reading into that more then Chris is... but I could be wrong. I think he presents as more of a target then me. Malik: I think he would turn on me if it meant saving his ass. But I think he's an asset to have around because people are mad with him. Lukas: I like him, he's funny and nice. I haven't been able to play with him alot because of the swap but hopefully we can. Nicklas: I think he's very smart as a former winner, so I am careful but I think we have a decent enough connection. Matt: Me and Matt are both playing each other and it's the funniest thing ever LOL.... anyways he's smart and will shoot himself in the butt for it. Jake: Don't know him much but I heard he is a snake so I want him OUT. Sharifa: SO DANGEROUS !! I think she's really dangerous but a good ally to have around maybe (?). I have a lot of respect for her coming back and being her true self so that's very empowering. Kurt: So the thing about Kurt was we played before but I wasn't really worried about that.... but I have found out from multiple sources that he worried about that. And no amount of me talking to him has changed that? So looks like I am now worried about that? UGHH Anyways this merge should be fun.... i just want single digits 

Okay so we merged and yeah now I’m feeling really grateful to have made it to this point, jokes aside. I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to not only play with Sharifa again but get to know her as a person so much deeper. She is such an admirable person and she really touches my heart. I know I’m sappy about her a lot but she truly is one of my closest friends in my real life.

The way my current relationships stand right now is ranked (w/ reasoning as so)   1.   Sharifa (duh) 2. Jake (my fellow f@ggot) 3. Ned (boy you lucky for Hydra) 4. Lukas (he thinks he’s my #1, I love him tho) 5. Malik (as much as I know his act is a facade, he thinks were close so) 6. Nicklas (we had a good talk and basically compared notes, very intelligent) 7. Matt (neutral, I trust him a bit to stay villain strong but only for so long) 8. Sarah (same feelings as I have toward Matt) 9. Andreas (we spoke and I apologized and he accepted, progress people) 10. Chris (seems friendly enough but Ned told me he has an idol so kinda sketch) 11. Dennis (hard to read, nice enough but know he’s heroes strong) & HOSTS 1. Nicole (my fav host sorry boys) 2. Owen (picks up the slack) 3. Andrew (quality humour but our fight sis :( ) 4. Monty (idk her....bc she’s intern & not around much) Love y’all ❤️

So Jake came clean to Sharifa and myself about having a relationship with Nicklas. This raises serious red flags for us because it’s like we’ve been questioning if Jake is truly with us or not this entire time and have wanted to believe he was. He claims he is closer with us and Nicklas is just the equivalent to like my Lukas. Sure, that’s a fair comparison, but the difference is that I told The Cock Destroyers about Lukas. Nicklas was Jake’s best and worst kept secret. Now I’m second guessing everything I say to him but I still want to truly believe we are sisters till the end. If he fucks us over I will be absolute heartbroken. Like, he’s my amigas cheetah.

Of the four newest people I’ve met, I feel the most connected to Lukas and slightly Matt. Nicklas before comes on or messages and Sarah only messages a couple of times and then vanishes. She’s someone I also know so I could use that bond but idk if I can trust her yet or not. The only one I feel I can trust atm is lukas but I’ll have to see how that goes.

Malik is a lot. I play along with most of his flirtation and advances but it’s solely to get myself in his good graces to ensure I have a loyal ally and someone looking out for me. It’s also because I made the mistake of purposely approaching him and almost like lead him on. Now he’s so attached and I can’t for the sake of my game just be like “not really into it please stop”. And I know there’s other boys who are uncomfortable by it too. Unfortunately right now he is our Phillip and we have to keep him around for now....Fuck im so mean. I make him sound so bad, he’s actually fine, I’m just a huge asshole and Malik when you see this I’m sorry dude.

K i guess i should update you When we swapped i connected with matt and sharifa the most Hated trent bc he tried to spread my name but we decided to vote kage out bc hes crazy-anyways now that we have merged sharifa wants to form some fucking majority alliance with the villains since we have majorty Only thing is that i like chris and dennis ALSO andreas, ned and I are in a f3 together and they know I have the idol. So anyways this isnt gonna work, i need to play secret spy but its gonna be hard deceiving sharifa. I got her to confide in me that she has the idol and I told her i have the idol as well -i regret telling her Also andreas and ned told me chris has the idol so im 100% certain the 3 of us know where all the idols are. Anyways, this is messy, im still a bitch and I need to figure something out. Wish me luck bitches ‘

I don’t like Matt anymore. He keeps reading my private messages and is talking in main chat and isn’t saying much or a word or reacted to me or anything. So I feel like he’s going to try to message me once immunity is over and I’m going to just roll my eyes and laugh so hard. I thought the guy was cool, but I spoke too soon. I did feel like something was off from the gate anyways with his first responses. I just won’t message him until he messages me but rn the only villain I like from the other tribe is Lukas. Sarah step it up sis I wanna say positive things about you!! On the other hand, Teen Titans all think we’re in trouble, so I’m thinking about snatching Kurt since he doesn’t trust anyone from his tribe and see how that goes. I would do Sharifa too, but I feel she’s likely connected with the others. But if I leave her out of a vote she could very well not trust me anymore. But the only original tribe members I trust are Ned and Kurt. And I trust the Teen Titans, we just need one more number incase they come for us. Maybe rocks I see?!

Sarah says something after I mention that she hasn’t been too talkative? Hmmm

Looking at the merge, I am PUMPED and NERVOUS and ready to LOSE! A lot of different scenarios can play out here- Heroes vs Villains prevail or Armonia vs Molysmeno. I have faith it won't end in the latter, in fact, I suspect lines may be a little blurred, but maybe not in the first tribal council or two. Having that said, a lot of people are surprising me this round in a good way such as Lukas,, Kurt, and Sharifa! Whereas my old pals of Sarah and Matt might have slipped in some people's eyes, I have to keep them in mind when figuring out what happens next. Jake may be targeted but I'm not gonna count on it just yet. All in all, I think I prefer Teen Titans more than Mystery Incorporated because it feels so genuine, but we'll see!

It would seem Malik's talking to Kurt/Lukas on turning on the villains. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. In order to fully trust that, I'd have to look into those 2 actually giving a name instead of wanting us to. Having that said, Dennis does not trust Kurt, Matt is sheeping to avoid 3-peating his merge boot status I suppose, the rest of the villains I guess dropped the whole Ned vote campaigns, and everyone else playing the Waiting Game like time is money so yeah

I do feel it is a little intriguing how the villains are acting coy and facetious when they have a majority, not to mention, hold more people than others. It's pretty telling that this group is pretty passive. Nevertheless, my intentions are to get the scoop and solve this mystery

Guess who is ready to lose their mind ???????????? So Malik is trying to get Kurt and Lukas to vote with the heroes which I know for a fact is not happening because Sarah told me that Kurt said that wasn't going to happen. Now im going to call Kurt because he's being shady and says he wants to vote the villains ? Kurt WHAT ARE YOU DOING

My goddddddd. I hate this merged tribe. The smart thing to do would be to stick to the villain numbers, but I know each villain has like 20 connections each outside of the villain tribe. I don’t like Andreas. He is fake to me. Idk why. I’m working so hard on making Malik like me, but he’s sketchy too. I love Dennis but I don’t think he loves me that much. Ned is a ghost. As of now I’m just going to sit back and let people handle this shit without me. I don’t think I’ll be the target if the heroes seize control, so that’s good. Shall be interesting.

Just got off my hour long call with Kurt and I felt good about it, I think we can trust each other. But then DENNIS messages lukas and sends a lie to him that Malik getting Lukas and Kurt is a ploy??? WTF ???? What is happening right now

Remember when I said I was going to lose my mind? YUP thats still happening. just about to hop on call with sharifa to show im willing to work with the crazy villains

Honestly? This vote sucks ass. As mentioned in the video, Nicklas was nice enough to tell me whats "actually" going on and I honestly feel like its best to just let it happen, because no matter what. One of my allies goes home. Either crackhead Malik, who has a big heart and is just trying his best, or  big heart chris who shared his idol with apparently the entire world and has to pay the price for it. I've been contemplating about this for the past 3.5 hrs and idk, as bad as this sounds, it just feels like it is better to not properly warn him. I've tried to give him hints that something isn't up or right tonight, but I can only do so much to hopefully not completely crucify my game. Of course there is the chance that I am actually the one who is going home or they are trying to send ned home anyways and bait an idol like that, but idk. I don't know why Nicklas would lie to me, when I am a valuable number to him. IF I survive I just need to start over and get my social game going properly. If you read this Chris and you actually went home tonight, I am heartbroken and sad, I would've gone as deep as possible with you and Andreas too, if he wasn't close to others aswell.

Im getting this weird feeling in my stomach that the tribal won't go as planned. Malik has gotten really quiet, and when he does that it normally means he is mad. I'm not surprised and honestly if someone didn't run their mouth I'd be surprised. Maybe I am the one going home ?? Who knows

It's gotten like wild quiet? Am i going home ? Randomly really nervous

[kaniocs]

Ive not been suuuper working on this much but Ive finally tried to take some time off drawing & taking longer walks & listening to more instrumental music so my head isn't CONSTANTLY filled w the thoughts of others and I can let mine in a bit better

Some vague things I do wanna add in:

Brahmses avoidance of the outside, physically. Sirppi taking long walks and the comparison of Brahms feeling unable to step out. Brahms' agoraphobic tendencies might probs have to be like a big point here, bc the story ends up in Sirppi having to leave, and him being unable to leave; both of their inability to let go pulling them apart (its not a sad ending i s2g brahms will have some personal growth and its like, hopeful) (neither of them is ready to settle down, so on and so on and their friendship cant be built on that).

Relating to that fear of the outside, their constant battle between weather the curtains should be open or closed. Sirppi loves sunlight and moonlight and nature, and Brahms just wants to sit in the safety of lamplights.

In the scene where they meet for the first time sirppi DOES smack him in the face

(Sirppi is actually a lil scared of the dark) (so, cute scene on a stormy night w huddling around the fireplace)

Genuinely the cooking scene, aka Brahms making food. Im sappy like this but food is such a thing of love 2 me. Brahms making Sirppi food all the time, and just the describtions of how varied & nice they are, to show how much unworded effort Brahms puts into impressing friends, in the ways he can, bc other ways are so difficult to him

So not much but ill keep working on this hopefully during the summer break I can ger some scrap pages done ✌ im hoping that ill get a bit more experience w making a picture book bc id love to do one for my big assignment next year :0 not in the radioverse, but yk!!! Maybe smth of the sort....

Now that I've had more time to actually THINK.... again iv been working on that radio!brahms thing.... ill never write this into a finished state; when I get down to it i think I'll write it as mindflow kinda stuff and do minimal cleaning & just make notes for myself to study the flaws I have as a writer (aside from my atrocious grammar lol), so I can just get kind of a basic idea of my workflow/process for a bigger project....

Heres the outline ive been thinkinh abt. I need to finish it before i start writing & doing the illustration thumbnails (which they will stay as btw!!!) (Just super scrappy sketches) bc I do wanna set the themes that will be tackled early on. Uhh spoilers... i guess???? I dont think anyone minds/cares but skejdjfj 😂😂 just in case

---

1. Arrival; Sirppi arriving at the Heelshire mansion, taking shelter from a storm. With strong insisting from the Heelshire parents, they agree to stay for a while to take care of the doll. Mrs. And Mr. Heelshire leave.

2. The ease-in chapter; Sirppi taking care of the doll and getting used to living in the mansion. Some small creepy things happen, but mostly, this consists of setting the themes of hurt & isolation that will be worked on further on.

3. Haunted doll chapter; strange events & things will begin to happen with the doll at increasing pace, scaring Sirppi, and making them think that Brahms is a haunted doll. We slowly get to meet Brahms the man in vague ways; hidden actions, etc.

4. Reveal; short chapter where Brahms reveals himself, shock & all that.

5. Settling in & setting boundaries; with things now more clear & shock dying down, Brahms and Sirppi show eachother their intentions & emotions through various actions, and Sirppi sets up boundaries, acting as if they're completely ignorning Brahms the man & still taking care of the doll.

6-?. Multiple yet undecided chapters, which will include the two tackling communication first, then communicating about their struggles with loneliness, isolation and hurt, and getting closer.

Final chapter; Sirppi leaves and things are hella dramatic.

[13reasonswhyilovezachdempsey]

how zach dempsey tells you, he likes you

warnings: a bit of cursing

a/n: this is kinda how the whole blog is gonna be, and its my first imagine here, hope you like it and p.s ft. zach’s lil sis

- so first things first, zach would like you from a mile away and you wouldn’t notice

- he’s heard rumors abt you and grew interested, even if you aren’t the most popular at liberty high

- even though this sounds creepy, he’ll learn from you by watching bc he doesn’t want you to be scared off

- he’ll learn what you like and dislike

- how you hated communications class as much as he did

- and how much he wanted to help you in bio whenever you did the experiments wrong

- so the only way you guys finally talk is yes vv clique but you guys would be lab partners

- he would grin to himself when he hears the teacher make you partners

- “hey, i’m zach” he introduces himself at the start with his hand out

- well duh, you already know that, who doesn’t its zach freaking dempsey

- “well ofc ik that, who wouldn’t know who you are,” you shake his hand

- he’s surprised by your response, not knowing to be flattered or offended

- “y/n by the way”

- “well i know that too, who wouldn’t” he replies

- you and zach continue to have those little talks here and there

- you guys talk in other classes too,

- you two greet each other briefly

- and sometimes have lil talks about whatever is on your mind

- you also seem to notice the little things he does for you after a while

- he always un-stacks a chair for you before you even get to class

- he always helps you prepare for quizzes even though you don’t ask

- he always cleans up all the experiments, telling you to “just sit down and i can do it”

- he always asks how you’re feelings when you seem down in the dumps

- he does these little things for you - so you’ll hopefully notice he cares abt you

- he likes you a LOT and you don’t know if you like him, well maybe you do a little

- well you don’t know he likes you but you are pretty oblivious

- one day!!! zach sees you have trouble in this one unit

- he invites you to his house

- and you go along with it, kinda scared worried

- it’s your first time being alone w zach

- but you still go with it and end up at his house on a saturday afternoon

- you pull out your phone to text zach but as you do, the door swings open

- “hEY Y/N” he has this huge grin plastered on his face

- slightly startled at how unbelievably happy he is, “hey zach,” you say

- “well come inside,” he opens the door for you

- and holyshit his house is huge

- “my parents are gone for a business trip, so i’m also babysitting my sister too, that’s fine right? she won’t cause any trouble i promise,” he says

- “yeah, it’s totally fine, i had no idea you had a sister,” you reply

- he brings you to his kitchen table and everything is already set up

- textbooks, pencils, papers, his laptop, and a few snacks

- he sits down and you sit beside him like in class

- he begins to start with the lesson but you can’t seem to focus on the material

- ‘has zach always been this close to me in class? his cologne smells really good’ you think to yoursef

- you look up at his face and shit, you really can’t believe you’re in zach dempsey’s house, in zach dempsey’s kitchen, inches away from zach dempsey

- “hey uh, y/n?”

- he snaps you back to reality

- “are you okay, do you want to do some more problems or take a break?” 

- and there he does it again, worrying for you when he shouldn’t have to

- being overly nice when he doesn’t have to

- it drives you insane and you love like it so much

- “uhm, yeah, i just need to clear my mind, where’s your bathroom?” you ask

- he gives you the directions and find yourself lost in his huge house

-and this little girl comes downstairs

- “who are you?” she says

- “oh i’m zach’s friend, we’re studying for our biology class”

- “wait, are you y/n?” she asks another question

- “yeah, how do you know my name?” - “who wouldn’t when zach talks about you literally alllll the time,”

- “wait, what do you mean?” you’re completely shocked at what she’s saying

- “well, he doesn’t talk to me directly about you, but he’s always talking to justin about you whenever they’re on the phone,”

- “i mean, you’re really pretty and i heard you’re really nice and smart so i can see why zach likes you,” she continues

- you couldn’t believe what she was saying, zach dempsey liking you? that seemed too crazy to even think of

- “would you go out with zach if he ever asks you out?” she asks

- well honestly who wouldn’t, it’s zach!!! dempsey!!!

- “i don’t think he likes me, i don’t think i’m his type and i don’t think he would ever ask me out,”

- “then let’s say my brother does ask you out, what would you do,”

- “uhm, say yes? i guess, ”

- “what are you doing?” zach comes from behind, startling you

- “i was just talking to your friend, y/n, she’s very nice and reallly pretty,” zach’s sister says

- “oh, i was worrying you got hurt or something y/n” zach says

- “let’s go back to studying,” you say and walk back

- ’oh god what if zach heard everything me and his sister were talking about’

- you both sit down and he closes the textbook

-“what are you doing?” you ask

- this time he’s sitting right across from you and takes your hands

- “look, i heard what you and my sister were talking about,”

- ’fuckfuckkk, zach is gonna think im a weird omg’

- “and everything she said is true,” he looks directly in your eyes

- “you may just figured it out, but i like you, like i really like you and i just didn’t know what to do and how to ask you an-”

- “why couldn’t you just ask me?” you cut him off

- “i didn’t think you’ll like me back” he says simply

- you are genuinely surprised, out of all the students at liberty high, one of the most popular, star basketball player, had a crush on you, and to top it off, he was scared of getting rejected

- “so, would you wanna go out to eat or watch movie or something?” he asks

- “yeah, actually yeah, i would like that,” as you say that his face instantly brightens

- “oh my god, reallly, i can’t believe you said yes,” he smiles widely

- “finally you asked her out!” his sister yells from another room

- you laugh at his and his sister’s excitement

- “to be honest with you, i sorta planned this out with my sister to ask if you liked me but she didn’t have to mention the part about justin and stuff, so you probably think i’m a creep,” he says

- “no, no, i don’t, i think it’s really cute, honestly,” you reassure him

- “oh, really?”

- you nod back at him,“yes, i also really appreciate how you do little things for me in class,” you confess

- “oh great you noticed that, i thought it would scare you off or something,”

- you laugh and he laughs back, “let’s get back to bio,” he says, squeezing your hand lightly and opens up to the chapter you were previously on

-zach dempsey was really something

[delightfully-daisy]

CHARACTER SHEET: DAISY AUDREY ELOISE CANARD

And she's been living on the highest shelf... Oh, and they come unstuck Lady, running down to the riptide Taken away to the dark side

[TW: sexual assault mentions; eating disorder mentions]

STATS

Birthday: 14 January 1995

Hogwarts House (Primary): Ravenclaw

Hogwarts House (Secondary): Hufflepuff

Myers-Briggs: ESFJ

Enneagram: Type 3

Height:  5’4

BACKGROUND OVERVIEW

Mother: Lilian Ophelia Marie Harcourt Canard

Father: Jacques Didier Canard

Mother’s Occupation: lawyer—business law

Father’s Occupation: stockbrocker

Family Finances: quite wealthy—combination of old money on both ends, as well as parents’ own ambitions and finances

Birth Order: middle child

Siblings: Nicolas Etienne Jeannot Canard (24); Andre Leon Charles Canard (19)

Other Close Family: Aunt Cecile on her dad’s side (who has a girlfriend and is like super cool and a movie producer); she has another aunt on that side who has two kids her and Nic’s ages but I don’t have my notebook on hand so I cant look up their names oh well; Lilian is an only child

Best Friend: Clarke

Other Friends: Annette Grant, Hermes Petros, Toulouse Bonfamille, Stanley Schell, Abby and Tabitha

Enemies: Tito? Lol she thinks so :C

Pets: a cat named Sabrina! Her family also has two dogs named Gigi and Fifi

Home Life During Childhood: her parents were both very busy, but she and her siblings were very close and her dad made a huge insistence on family time when they were together; to this day they have a designated week in late July and winter where they go on vacations together; she’s very close with Nic and her dad; Andre can be a bit of a brat; she clashed with her mother a bit growing up but she’s starting to understand her more

Town or City Name(s): Paris, France

What Did Her Bedroom Look Like: very nice and spacious, big windows with a nice view, she has a canopy bed, everything is in pastel colors, lots of whites and pinks—nothing too loud, everything soft like a Rococo painting, a big walk-in closet, a nicely lit vanity, the artwork in there is carefully selected, everything has its place

Any Sports or Clubs: did newspaper also probably a creative writing club; used to fence and do ballet, but quite around 13/14 years old

Favorite Toy or Game: loved paper dolls

Schooling: one last semester at Pride U; probably did some pretty expensive private school in Paris

Favorite Subject: Composition, Art History

Popular or Loner: Popular!

Important Experiences or Events: was sexually assaulted at 17, her then-boyfriend lied about it and harassed her for months after

Health Problems: undiagnosed anxiety, lowkey makes herself throw up after eating sometimes also

Culture: French

Religion and beliefs: Raised Catholic, she wants to believe in a benevolent God but does not really like the Catholic church; she wants to believe in the goodness of people

 PERSONALITY

Bad Habits:  worries, limits her food intake a lot haha, has a tendency to keep her emotions inside before lashing out, cries a lot

Good Habits: uh, organized, keeps up with her fitness, ambitious, kind-hearted (in her own way), stylish

Best Characteristic: determined—once she sets her mind on something or someone, she will not quit

Worst Characteristic: scared—her number one limitation in life is that she is too scared to take chances/take risks/do anything without security

Worst Memory: the whole sexual assault thing and also the night she broke up with Tito

Best Memory: oh gosh, probably getting her bike back

Proud of: not much lol, uh maybe her fashion sense, she’s like really insecure though and attributes all her successes to other factors, poor bby

Embarrassed by: e v e r y t h I ng have you seen how much this girl blushes

Driving Style: she’s a fantastic driver—fast, daring, drives stick-shift in heels, cuts tight corners on her motorcycle, she’s fab, best driver of my characters (except maybe for Eva, but that’s cuz Eva has heightened reflexes lol); does have a tendency to speed, but doesn’t do it except on isolated roads

Strong Points: determined, hard working, kind-hearted, stylish

Temperament: gosh im not sure its like a mix of sanguine and melancholic

Attitude: outwardly, confident and determined; inwardly, really fuckin’ anxious and insecure about everything

Weakness: she’s so insecure and not good with criticism and she’s soft little flower it is easy to crush her

Fears: everything—not being good enough is the main one though

Phobias: see above lol

Secrets: not too open about the whole sexual assault thing for obvious reasons, also he like harassed her for months afterwards

Regrets: every romantic relationship she’s ever had because it makes her seem stupid and heartless and foolish

Feels Vulnerable When: uh always? When she’s being emotional, tbh, since she’s been told to restrict that

Pet Peeves: people who assume she’s dumb, people who assume she’s shallow

Conflicts: oh gosh where to begin—the fact that she wants the world to be this good, ideal place where she has the ability to help it, but the reality that class differences/prejudices in other areas are very real and very hard to overcome; her own desire to do more with her life, but knowing that rejecting her family’s values would not be good, and she really loves her family; navigating being a soft woman in a world that otherwise respects hard, sharp ones

Motivation: She wants to be successful and to make a change in the world.

Short Term Goals and Hopes: Graduate, get a good job somewhere in a big city.

Long Term Goals and Hopes: Rise to the top of her career, hopefully get married at one point.

Sexuality: bisexual

Exercise Routine: goes to spin class three times a week, does a barre class twice a week, weight training the other days, very committed exercise schedule

Day or Night Person — Day.

Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert.

Optimist or Pessimist — Pessimist, though she tries to be optimistic to other people.

LIKES AND STYLES

Music: girly pop, MUSICALS—she’s a huge musical gal, sings in the shower all the time. Loves taylor swift, knows that its problematic to love taylor swift, but does so in that well #feminism way that’s also lowkey problematic ahaha. Her iTunes is mostly musicals and pop and some classical music too, she likes ballet music.

Books: classics and romance novels; also some trashy YA romance; went through a John Green phase in her high school years; her favourite book is The Bell Jar. She also reads those like “Oprah Book of the Month” club books and enjoys them. Gets most of her reading list from bestsellers lists.

Magazines: VOGUE aka the Bible; also Cosmo and Marie Claire and other high-fashion magazines; whatever the French equivalent of Time is, but also Time; started a subscription to the New Yorker whilst she was in NYC and keeps up with it

Foods: has a sweet tooth—loves chocolate. Chocolate-covered strawberries are her favorite. She thinks she can handle spicy, but she can’t really.

Drinks: Margaritas are her cocktail of choice; she loves champagne and lattes

Animals: cats! Also she loves swans and thinks its so romantic that they mate for life, but she won’t admit that lol

Sports: follows Formula One racing tbh and also fencing

Social Issues: Feminism! (she’s like lowkey a bit of a white feminist) Magick Rights! (lowkey also a bit of a problematic activist in everything; she’s trying though) Also involved in environmental issues!! (she works on a turtle fund thing with Stan)

Favorite Saying: “I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” – Audrey Hepburn

Color: Pink!! Any and all shades! Also likes a nice rose-gold. Fond of pastel colors in decorating.

Clothing: Has a very classy, preppy style; lots of skirts and blazers; usually always in heels; most everything is designer and high-end; she takes pride in her style; she also dresses more on the conservative end, but does own a few sexier pieces

Jewelry: very classy, never overdoes herself with jewelry; simple pendants and studs

Games: played the Sims a lot, played racing games with her brothers, Mario Kart fan too

Websites: Instagram—also has a finsta bc she’s hip; tumblr; Pinterest

TV Shows: Downton Abbey, Sex and the City

Movies: The Devil Wears Prada!! (Also Titanic)

Greatest Want: To be successful and make a difference in the world

Greatest Need: To overcome her fears

CURRENTLY 

Home: lives in Castle Suites in a very luxurious one-bedroom flat

Household furnishings: everything is impeccably decorated, lots of pastels and golds, there’s a big window in the living room (which has like white furniture and soft lights everywhere, big white rug on the floor, lots of throw pillows), her room has a big bed with lots of pillows and her closet is organized by type of clothes and colour

Favorite Possession: her car

Most Cherished Possession: her motorcycle

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: Tito (rip); asshole French boyfriend, Michel

Children: n/a

Relationship with Family:  huge Daddy’s girl, but Daddy is also very busy and not super around all the time and she doesn’t really confide in him; very close to older brother, Nic, sometimes they feel like they are the only people in the world they can trust; younger brother has a strained relationship bc he can be kinda douche but they love each other; relationship with mother is---complicated, they are very similar and often butt heads because of their differences though and Lilian thinks she knows what’s best etc etc and Daisy is just starting to see her mom in a new light

Car: BMW, she also has a motorcycle

Career: journalism student, editor-in-chief of campus magazine: Social

Dream Career: editor in chief of a fashion magazine that also has like a huge philanthropy side

Dream Life: said career, has not given much thought to the like actual life part of it, but ideally she’d like to be married to the love of her life and have two kids as well

Love Life: uh imma get back to you on that

Hobbies : reading, dancing (she loves dancing), driving, sketching fashions, cleaning (lol), amateur baker, used to be a fencer, writing (she used to write short stories but has not in a while)

Guilty Pleasure : those trashy Harlequin romance novels….

Sports or Clubs: Social, PrideU’s premier campus lifestyle magazine; probably involved in like journalism clubs

Talents or Skills : she’s a great dancer and a fantastic driver; also a good writer

Intelligence Level : she is great auditory learner, very sharp and quick to pick up what she listens too; writes the best out of my characters; reads a lot too; not great at sciences or math, but she tries her best and the hard work pays off; a fan of history, but only as it relates to cultural stuff (wars bore her); the most emotionally aware of others of my characters, can read people well

Finances: wealthy—parents are wealthy each from their individual families and from their own careers, pay for their children

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #13: "im so EMO (TION)" - Bryce

I cant believe that im still here. And we have majority. 3 vs 2. Matt is coming to me know saying that he wants to work with me but like. Bruh. But that could be good tho having him. I have to see what happens with immunity first.

OKOKOKOK CAN WE JUST DISCUSS HOW AM I A FUCKING GOAT. FIRST OF ALL Jock destroyers was a pretty dominant alliance i played a SNITCH RAT GAME with exposing plans and i was lied to but like can i get some credit here like first of all it was my fucking ideal to even force a tie, bryce wanted sharky out he didn't want rocks i wanted rocks when my ass was literally on the line here and i was still willing to go to rocks because i don't want to be a fucking goat and do what bryce or sharky wants this is the only way i could get brian SHARKYS #1 ALLY out of the game so that you know who sharky's #1 ALLY IS NOW FUCKING ME. so you know what yeah i'm a goat, greatest of all time actually and i at least deserve some level of credit or respect here to pull some shit off like this. only person on the fucking tribe with the balls to do this shit and i don't even have balls. OK BYE.

i literally dont have words. i keep having meltdowns and like its so not like me i usually just treat games as fun but im just so upset bc brian went home when we could have prevented it and now im in a spot where annabelle and sharky control things and im basically going to get 5th. i really thought i was doing something and life came at me real quick and said learn ur place KJFSHKJDFHSKJ. like the play anna made was smart so go her i just hate that i got played and that brian left with the vote steal and that my game is ruined and i came so far and i thought i was playing alright also i hate how everyone and their mother keeps calling me out for playing the middle KJSFHFKS like grow up and shade me in ur confessionals not to my face im SENSITIVE AUBRY. basically the point is: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/506665419092918273/541697763788980225/image0.jpg

I'm SHOCKED. I swore to Annabelle I wouldn't right her name down. And yet she writes my name down! And just as I was thinking I could trust Bryce HE RALLIES VOTES AGAINST ME! I'm so pissed off, and scared, and hurt, and now I have to scramble to figure something out.

Okay let recap everything that has gone down in this 24 hours since I was betrayed. So I talked to Annabelle A LOT. Basically we've talked to each other a ton. I discover that Anna made the plan for the tie and then Bryce was only willing to flip if the vote was for me. SHADY. I knew I should have never trusted him. So basically either I convince Annabelle to save me, everyone goes to rocks, or Matt and Brian flip on me and I go home. I would have said the last one was super unlikely. So I start busting my ass to sway Annabelle. We have really opened up to each other about our games, she is feeling like she has to make a big move. I talked to her about how I feel hurt because I've busted my ass all game to save Anna and Matt and now they both seem unwilling to save me. I tell the guys we just have to be nice but imply to her she stands no shot of making the end without me and how Bryce is going to win. She has no idea we have the vote steal so Brian/Matt would definitely get Bryce out next. So I go to sleep thinking we are making progress. I wake up an Anna is like "Matt was rude to me so I'm definitely not flipping" so I'm starting to feel really hopeless. And then Matt and Brian both started to dodge the idea of rocks. And Anna is telling me Bryce thinks Matt is probably going to flip. So i'm thinking it's over. And in the FB Bois chat Matt and Brian both keep being like "I'm so conflicted" "we'd be guaranteed f4" "blah blah blah" So now I'm realizing these two aren't willing to go to rocks for me. I've spent this whole season trying to save our alliance at any cost. And now that I'm the one in danger...they aren't willing to take the risk. SO now I get it. I've been too nice. If they are going to put their games above mine and aren't willing to risk it so all 3 of us can make F5...I'm going to have to make sure we take that risk because it's my only shot. So I pitch to Anna a way she can get her rocks and I can be safe. We tell them that Anna agrees to save me. That way they think were set and it'll all work out and then it'll go to rocks and I'll be safe. It's super risky and I'm putting all my faith in Annabelle and I feel so scared and guilty and idk but this is the only way I survive and there is a chance Anna goes and it all works out. But...it's also not lost on me that Anna is willing to risk her own game to save me...but my own alliance isn't. I'm feeling...weird.

Brian went home. I...honestly am just feeling horrible. And he was so mad at me. Like mad to the point that I'm worried I ruined a real life friendship over this game. And Matt is furious too and he's going off on me in our group chat which fucking sucks. Like that was the worst case scenario for me. And it sucks. But I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. Like both Brian and Matt were willing to vote me out so they didn't have to go to rocks. They put their game first so why am I a villain for doing the same thing? And they want to be like "we were up front with you about not being sure" like that's supposed to make me feel better. Yeah of course you were honest you weren't the ones in danger. It's easy for y'all to be honest when you're just going to vote me out. I couldn't have been honest with them or they would have flipped and I would have gone home. How do they not see that? Was I supposed to just give up? How is that fair? And how is it that they can vote me out and I just have to accept that but they can't accept that I saved myself. I'm feeling super alone, like I can't trust anybody, and like my best friends won't even take a second to look at it from my point of view. Of course I feel terrible. I just hope this doesn't come between genuine friendships.

ANNA REALLY JUST CLOCKS ME AND SHE KNOW SHE CAN BC WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO. me matt maynor better be this f3 matt might win tbh but idc! anna has CROSSED ME and like laughs in my face FKJADSHFKAJ like yes ur iconic yes u did #that but im in this game with u and its a lil rude to flaunt ur success at me FKJADSHFAKJ when i do sth good i would never constantly bring it up (btw i won immunity once and got that cute blue color so everyone is jealous prob...) also im so emo i miss dennis and i miss brian they were the 2 ppl who i felt close to in the game and theyre both gone i literally am so upset i feel like if i wasnt so busy before tribal i could have talked to brian more and convinced him he had to vote sharky bc i KNEW anna was voting sharky but he bought her lies and i was convincing enough so i just feel its my fault i lost my closest ally (and his vote steal) although maybe he would have beat me in the end so this is good thing? nope! like i think i played alright in the middle but ppl prob wont respect it and idk if i would bc clearly im biased and maybe i am just a goat and thats why im still in like i rly tried to do sth this round but didnt i just ugh so demotivated hehe but maybe ill snap or sth insert positive uplifting quote here i just hope that i can turn this around and defeat anna and her pet shark. ALTHOUGH ITS LIKE WHERE THE BIG DOG PULLS ITS OWNER AND WALKS IT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. im so EMO (TION)

yesterday i was feeling a LOT of emotions and now that i have distanced myself i realize that my emotions were VALID and i am perfect and had the RIGHT to be upset that everything went wrong. i am speaking my immunity win into existence it WILL happen. i HAVE done the homework and even if i flop it (which i wont) i will still NOT GO HOME bc matt and maynor are hopefully on my side. OK BUT LIKE IM JUST SO JKAFSHKAJDSFHADSKFJA

This immunity is very important. We cant let Matt or Sharky win it. We need to have the opinion for them available to be voted out.

So like.... I am upset and feel very alone now in this game. Brian got rocked out and i was lied to again. I am just like so over it. I feel manipulated when I did have all the power and could've got a big threat out. but NO sharky and anna the fucking dynamic duo they are decided it would be fun to go to rocks! I am just so over it. Im getting fucking 5th place and I am MAD.

OR AM I? I decided to lie last night and say i gave my idol to brian last night. Why? It would paint an even bigger target on my back so i can go idoling. Cause of course I am not dumb enough to go and give my idol away hell naw. Instead, I need to knock sharky out of the immunity comp tonight but then get everyone on my case so they vote me. then boom idol. i know that this should get me to f3. I hope. If sharky goes next, and anna/maynor win FIC. then i know i can get at least maynor with me cause Bryce will then be the clear winner out of us 4. then maybe i will have a shot at the win but eh, need to get there first. I hope to god this can work and if not, final juror here i come!

I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. I feel so bad about the Brian situation. Matt won't respond because he probably hates me. I feel like a trash person. And tbh I'm questioning if I even deserve to be here.

I feel sick. Literally this is the worst case scenario. If anybody else had won everything would be fine. And now Matt has like given up which makes me even sadder. I'm honestly considering asking everybody to vote me out. So that Matt at least has a shot of making FTC. This sucks.

I WON IMMUNITY WOOOH IM SO ICONIC IM LITERALLY A LOSING FINALIST AND EVERYONE WANTS ME OUT I FEEL LIKE ILL LOSE IN THE END BUT THAT WONT STOP THESE PPL FROM GIVING ME 4TH WHEN I LOSE THE NEXT IMMUNITY AJKFDSHKFAJ THEYRE ALL LIKE SO VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED I WON IM SO SAD NNNN I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM! i really hope they vote out sharky now bc its literally the smart move but im willing to bet theyll keep him to spite me annas gonna be like sharky needs to stay we get him out NEXT round and maynor might be convinced or sth idk and matt idk askdjfhdkjf i thought we were good but he ghosted me all day today so hm. club 96 nina and tina really falling apart

Matt is literally shutting down. Like I'm trying to talk with him and mend things and try to rally him so we can figure out how to keep us both safe and honestly he's just not interested. He seems disinterested and honestly he's being kind of a brat. Stop pouting! Sack up and help me fight. Because yes I was selfish last round and that put us in a tough spot but It was never my idea to trust Bryce or my idea to ignore that we had a vote steal to secure our vote at F6. I'm not the only one who made mistakes. So come on and let's freaking recover! Or are we just supposed to lay down and award Bryce the win? UGH

I was really on the brink of asking everybody to vote me out. But Matt is being so useless right now. If he's going to act like that he'll just get picked off at F4. He has no fight. So I'm over it. I really do love him but at this point I'm going to have to just try my best to get Annabelle and Maynor to believe that they stand the best chance at FTC against me, instead of Bryce or Matt. I've already ruined my reputation so I might as well at least try to fight. I feel over everything but I have to get it together.

The vote hopefully is between Matt and Sharky. I know Bryce really wants Sharky gone. Annabelle and I are talking and seeing which route is the best for us to make it to the end.

Like wow. My brain is so big. Im pretending that I threw away my idol to brian at the last second, and that I am leaving this round. Whereas in actually reality I still have my idol and sure as heck im playing it tonight and making final 4 YEET. like woe is me, woe is me, lol no bitch im here to stay. Sharky like, needs to leave as well. I love him but 2 big if a threat and I would quite like to well, win.

Oh and as I write this annabelle needs me huh. Well listen here, you lied to my fucking face and got brian out. Thus, you also need to leave bish. I am fed up of being lied 2 constantly by these fuckers called my tribemates and I am NOT here for it anymore. Time to play the lies and deceit game myself huh

This round is so weird for me. I felt like I was in such a tough place and feeling really defeated. But now Anna is getting paranoid and there is a very slim chance I could get her to to vote Maynor and then Matt and I both make F4. But my issues is I can't trust anybody. Because I don't think anybody trusts me. Like Maynor is being very noncommittal. Anna keeps flip flopping and maybe she'll flip onto me. Matt seems on board but honestly maybe he deeply deeply hates me and is just lying and will vote me out.

There is a little over an hour left before tribal. I'm convinced that it's me going home. Everyone seems to be too easy to agree to vote with me. It's not looking good.

Literally wtf. The Biggest plot twist of the century is occurring. I'M THE SWING VOTE?? Like since when in hell was I going to be the deciding factor. I mean I like it, I have the power for once and I am safe but still omg i LOVE IT! I am bunsen the Berner in this image, deciding between 2 fates: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD8lXwUwAAgTlp?format=jpg&name=900x900

Having a panic attack. Im really nervous. Like i know its between Matt and Sharky. But there is still a chance that somehow me or annabell could still go. I hope it doesnt and its clear cut with Sharky and Matt. Fingers cross. Or imma die.

i had a good talk with anna today and i kind of love her (as long as she votes sharky) i think maynor might go now which is sad bc anna says matt/sharky are doing that but like matt says that he wants me maynor him f3 so who knows! anna like was honest with me about not knowing who to vote and seems to be voting sharky but literally anything can happen so whomst knows.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokok i feel so fucking badly about this move like so badly ughhhhhhhhhh but i feel like it has to happen i'm so so soooo sorry sharky like you have no idea i've been torn all day on what i should do and idk i feel like i lose no matter what this fucking blows

Sharky is voted out 4-1. 

[subjectsilver]

5:05 AM on July 23rd

i absoTonight someone got stabbed over a god damn jul pod. 

but lets back up

I have been at school for a week.

I needed to get out of columbus... just like old times there was just nothing left for me there i was just killing myself because of how summer went and how i am and shit whatever. it'll be nice to temporarily go back in the winter and spring and even next summer and i can't wait until then but for now i need to not be there. I need school i need distractions i need people - i need people who are my friends but I'm not too close with - distractions are all i need right now so i don't hurt myself.  

I came back to Wake and literally the first day i was here i heard                       1-800-273-8255 - Logic 3 times by three separate people. Thats a fucking sign if i know it...ive never really heard that song until like that day and now i listen to it every single day...

Everyday i wake up and have running or lifting and i do that in the morning then i just sit and do nothing until playing pick up soccer at night which is kinda shitty bc fuck boredom and fuck routine but its a distraction none the less so its alright with me...

Im destroying my bank account because i have no meal plan so i eat out everyday which is like 10$ a meal cus life is expensive... but at least I'm eating i mean I'm still underweight sitting around 140lbs but I'm not getting any lighter. Tbh i was kind of getting comfortable being skinny because i love the way my baggy t shirts that are too big for me, fall on me when I'm underweight but i know inside i need to get my weight up to be healthy and like sane. but ill get there..i hope - eating as much as i can in hopes to gain weight anyway.

I knew i was forgetting something when i left -  well i forgot a lot but least of all i forgot my contact case so i was sleeping in my contacts for like 5 straight days and that shit killed my eyes but i finally got a case so last night was the first time i slept without them and if i sleep tonight it'll feel good as well.

I'm trying to think about what happened this week but nothing really happens during summer school it kinda sucks. I met all the freshman guys and girls and they all seem pretty cool I've been chilling outside with them  every night when were done with pick up and shit because i have nothing better to do and i like hearing conversation hearing them all talk and reading all of them. Half of them think I'm crazy because i only sleep like 4 hours a night and because my teammates tell them the stories that are my snapchat stories this summer. It is what it is ya know.

SIDENOTE andre keels is currently telling me about how he went on a date with this girl and he's low-key geeking out and its pretty funny, I'm happy for him he deserves the high that follows being low - i hope i get that eventually.

I had a really low night a couple nights ago where i just sat outside listened to jcole and smoked cigarettes by myself but i got thru it.. it just seems like when I'm doing absolutely nothing my mind takes over and i think about all the things that bother me with life or just life itself. its kinda shitty because it seems like when I'm not distracted its like a struggle to keep living like i don't understand the point of living or being alive or life in general so it confuses me why I'm here but i try not to think about it.

I thought i was a going to quit cigarettes but i literally need them not because I'm addicted but bc its something to do when I'm alone at night by myself... and i should prob get a jul pod or some shit but its so expensive and niggas are getting stabbed over it now and I'm just not about that lmao ........ I'm dying on my own terms if anything.

im not on social media really anymore. i check it every once in a while but very rarely except like writing weekly shit like i am rn or on snapchat. i guess like 5 albums came out or something and i had absolutely no idea. it's alright tho other people fill me in eventually I'm currently listening to tyler the creators new album. Its a lot better than i expected tbh.

 “5 car garage....full tank of gass but that don't mean nothing nothing nothing without u in the passenger”

took a little break to smoke a cig - I'm kinda nice at it now and hitting juuls tbh despite my efforts and much coughing in the past I'm finally getting nice. with my luck ill probably get cancer or some shit but thats alright i guess  (kanye hands)   

anyways down to business aka the most excitement of this week SOMEONE GOT STABBED OVER A FUCKING JUUL POD 

thats fucking lit and crazy and so disappointing of humanity but at the same time the greatest thing thats ever happened ever...

actually 2 people got stabbed but one kid got sliced in the finger so like that doesn't even count but the email i got said 2 people stabbed soon i mean i don't make the rules. I was chilling right i played like 2 games of pong and won both (ayeeeee) then i walked into this house and was staring out of a window i actually took a pic but this fight broke out and i turned around and everyone started leaving under the assumption cops would come... so i walked outside and i was trying to account for everyone that was there because DAD FOLDS came out and i was counting everyone and i thought i had it correct but this kid was like where is abby i think she's dead inside like passed out drunk soon despite hearing sirens i ran back inside and checked the house to find that she was not there which was good so i ran outside and started running with this kid named Sam.. so me and sammy for running through yards and bushes and shit but my shoe got caught in a bush (fuck me right) “sam go on without me live on  bruv” so sam started running away... i finally got unstuck and i saw like 3 cops chasing sam so i ran the other direction around this building and on the other side i saw 4 cop cars so immediately i dipped into these bushes where i hit my face on a brick wall and copped a gnarly scratch that will not scar which is disappointing... (incase u were wondering go had a black t shirt on and not the usual white so my shit was not stained or anything thank god) so i was laying there for a good 10 seconds and i got on snapchat and scrolled thru the stories for a brief moment when i heard “sir we saw you jump in the bushes please come out” i was like fuckkkk mee so i got out with my hands up cus a nigga not trynna end up like trayvon   and i backed up slowly and got handcuffed and then they patted me down found my wallet, luckily found my real ID and then put me in the car... i wait there for a little and scrolled thru snapchat behind my back and then they pulled me out and questioned me. I just claimed ignorance bc i actually didn't really know shit at all... my only lie was that i didn't know the only guy i was running with. Then they just let me go. They asked me why i was running if i didn't do anything and i was like “i wasn't trynna get stabbed and also cops these days shoot black people so i wasn't trying to be shot either” and at some point this cop was like do you have an accent where are u from and i was like uhhhh ohio? but they let me go and i walked back to campus and i saw all these freshman outside and i was like ooo go to bed y'all and we all went to bed.... then i laid there for like 2 hours before going back outside...talked to some people for a while who were out there and then skrrttted off to smoke and music and write..

present time  - its 5:48 AM and someone got stabbed over a juulie like 6 hours ago thats wild....................

tomorrow or today technically I'm going to play beer die (a drinking game) [google that shit] at like 3 and then go to a team cook out and chill. should be alright.

this tyler the creator album is actually kinda nice - i actually did find some nice songs on soundcloud tho today i found a really nice piano piece that kinda calms me down in the beginning then slowly gives me anxiety... I've had a lot of anxiety lately

it seems like I'm feeling so much shit now as opposed to being numb and feeling just so dead and all the feeling at once just scares the shit out of me or makes me heart want to explode but its kinda nice to feel shit sometimes... i still have moments days where i feel absolutely nothing but it is what it is...it can't all get better at one time... I've just noticed tho that like everything use to seem weird to me like literally “this is so weird” always went thru my mind but now EVERYTHING is so scary to me like even if I'm not paying attention and someone speaks to me and the sound catches me off guard it makes me jump. its weird - haha

its getting light outside i know i need to sleep because I'm trying to get 8 hours a night even tho it doesn't always happen but I'm trying. last night i laid awake for 2 hours thinking about magic tricks. card tricks that i will eventually try on people...i created my own card tricks in my head... i have zero decks of cards rn tho which is so rare for me never really happens.

anyways - another update will come next sunday and hopefully by then i get stabbed over a juul pod by then.  

6:00 AM   I FUCKING HATE BUTTERFLIES.

i love you good morning.

[cryptidofthekeys]

Jason and Dean prompts!

1: Jason and Dean struggling to find each other in a crowded place (more like Jason struggling to find Dean's stupid ass). Fortunately, Jason knows just the thing. (prompt number one comin right up! Gonna put a keep reading here just in case)

Dean and Jason were out and about, they had needed some stuff from the grocery store, of course... Jason didn't exactly like going to this particular grocery store because there were so many crowds, so many people... It irritated him, luckily though... Dean was with him, so he had something to focus on to keep him distracted, he was listening to Dean ramble off some of the items they needed, and every so often Dean would go off topic and be rambling about something else, they eventually got to the aisle they needed to be in and started gathering some snacks and various other foods, Jason had went into the other aisles to grab some of the extra stuff Dean told him to get. After they had gotten everything they needed, they headed for the checkout immediately, Jason rolling his eyes when he noticed the cashier's fear, he looked away from them and just let Dean do everything, after the stuff was paid for they both hurriedly headed out, Jason already seeming more relieved to be away from all those noisy nuisances, his relief was short lived however when he noticed there was a large crowd formed in the streets, Dean seemed confused "Th' fuck is all this shit?" He then took notice of the floats beginning to pass by and he seemed interested actually "Ooh! A parade, huh?" He sped off into the crowd, leaving Jason behind to sigh "...So much for getting home quickly..." He muttered to himself, casually walking towards the direction Dean headed in. However he got lost in the crowd after trying to search for him, whatever this parade was in regards to it definitely had gathered a rather large crowd, after a bit of searching, Jason had gotten fed up and stopped dead in his tracks, for a few moments he was silent until he spoke "Dean's a lil bitch!" He yelled out, not caring if he got a few weird looks because as if right on cue, there was someone yelling out profanity and pushing his way through the crowd "What the fuck did you just say about me you fu-" He paused after he pushed the final person out of the way only to see Jason standing there with his arms crossed "You got a problem, buddy?" He joked, grinning down at Dean who only rolled his eyes "You lookin' to get your ass kicked today? Because I can definitely oblige" Jason only laughed at that "I'd love to see you try pipsqueak... But, more importantly... Let's get our groceries home before we fight, I'm not going back in there again" Dean nodded "Yeah, good point... Let's go" And with that being said, Dean and Jason finally headed on home to put the groceries away, they will probably most certainly fight afterwards but nothing actually serious of course. (got no better way to end that bc im not doing a fight scene rn) 2: Imagine the big, bright smile on Jason's face when Dean finally says ‘I love you’ for the first time. (prompt number two babey) Dean had told Jason he was going to go out for awhile, to keep watch of the place while he was gone which Jason didn't mind doing, he really didn't feel like dealing with people today, which luckily for Dean that makes his plan much more easier... He went out to an area only he really knew about, its a place he never told Jason about... He was going to forge the other a new weapon, a hook and chain something that isn't usually common... It'd be the perfect gift to build this up considering he knew Jason really loved unique weapons and he really needed more time for what he wanted to say, for once he wasn't feeling as confident as he usually was, this always occurred when he wanted to just go for it and tell Jason how he REALLY feels about him. Dean took a deep breath at the thoughts, the fear of how he thought Jason would react is what scared him the most, he knows its just his mind overthinking things but... He can't shake the feeling of Jason either not feeling the same or worse... He'll make fun of him even for... Having these emotions, either way... He was going to try and admit to it today, he just shook his head and tried to ignore the bad thoughts as he began to forge Jason's new weapon, he was lucky that Jason didn't know he could also forge and make weapons, Jason was the one who collected random stuff and turned into weapons, he still remembers the day Jason gave him the handcrafted weapons he had made and admittedly that had brought a smile to Dean's face, he loved how creative Jason could be, some of the stuff he's brought in before Dean didn't even think it COULD be made into a weapon but somehow the other made it work. After a long and exhausting while of forging, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and took a deep breath, it was complete... "Hopefully he likes it..." Dean muttered to himself, testing the hook and making sure the chain it was attached to wouldn't snap or nothing went wrong with it, once he made sure it was sturdy and strong enough he had grabbed the wrapping paper he brought with him and placed it into a large box, he then proceeded to wrap it up rather... poorly but listen, Dean can only do SO much... He's not good at EVERYTHING, once it was wrapped up enough to him, he turned and headed back to their 'house', his nervousness was starting to become more intense with each step he took... After awhile he had finally made it back and crept inside, noticing Jason was nowhere in sight so he must've been in his little area for the evening... Dean took a deep breath, his heart was racing as he called out "Yo! Jason! Can you uh, c'mere a sec?" He hid the box behind his box and his heart had almost sank when Jason came out of the darkness and then the other was standing right in front of him, arms crossed as usual "What do you want?" He didn't sound irritated or as if he were in a bad mood right now so that was a good sign... Dean however was not doing so well right now, his heart was pounding in his chest and he was obviously nervous "I uh... Um... W-Well..." He mentally cursed himself for stuttering and making it more obvious than he needed too, meanwhile Jason merely rose a brow "...Well? Spit it out already..." Dean shook his head and scoffed "G-Give me a minute! Th...This... isn't... is... um... uhhh.. isn't easy!" This made Jason fall silent and he was now waiting patiently, he even uncrossed his arms, he seemed... Interested as to what Dean was going to say. Dean was beginning to shake and panic internally, he took a deep shaky breath and pulled the box from behind himself "U-Uhh... here.... I... I made ya something..." He quickly shoved the box into Jason's arms and turned away, he couldn't do it... He just couldn't... Jason looked confused as he glanced down at the box and opened it up, his eyes widened as he grabbed what was inside, the chain clanking against itself, he looked over the chain itself and then the long sharp hook that was attached to it, he felt the tip and winced at how sharp it was, it had actually drawn a bit of blood from his finger even! He looked up at Dean "...You...? Made this...? Yourself?" He was... absolutely shocked, he had no idea Dean could make stuff like this... Watching as the other nodded "Yeah, uh... hope you like it..." He was about to walk away before he stopped dead in his tracks, he sighed... No... No, he would NOT do this again... He would NOT let his fear destroy another opportunity... He turned around and walked back up to Jason "No, that's not all... I'm... Jason... I.... I-I've... I've got... to tell you something...!" Jason fell silent and placed the hook back inside the box and set it to the side, he then stared down at Dean and waited for him to speak, he was... Somewhat hopeful this was going to be what he thinks it was... He knew his hope was probably false but, still... Maybe... Just maybe... Dean proceeded to jump in place and wiggle his arms around and even clench his hands into fists occasionally "Fuckin' hell why is this so hard?!" He shouted, mostly at himself, rubbing at his face with his hands, he was becoming angry with himself, why couldn't he just do it?! Why couldn't he just say it?! He looked up at Jason, the other still said nothing and just waited for him to speak... He's taken so many deep breaths and now he's taking another one "...Jason... I.... I'm.... I uh... umm... I lo... looo..." His heart pounded louder than it did before, he then shouted it out really quickly "ILOVEYOU!!" Dean squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the worst outcome to befall him, he waited... and waited... and waited... But there was just silence in place, he slowly opened his eyes but he didn't look up at Jason, he couldn't look at the other's expression... He was afraid of what he'd find until he heard Jason speak up, his tone becoming softer, well... As soft as a voice like his could be "...Dean... Look at me..." Dean took yet another deep breath and slowly shifted his gaze up to meet Jason's, he was shocked at the other's expression... It looked... Softer, loving even... "...You have no idea..." He paused, before smiling "How long I've waited to hear you say that..." And now Dean was REALLY shocked, he didn't expect that in the slightest "Yo...You aren't... like, upset or angry at me or anything?" Jason shook his head "Angry? Why the hell would I be angry for you loving me? Truth be told... I've felt the same way for so long... I was... You know me, I'm not afraid of anything but I was... Always afraid of you finding out and making fun of me for like, being gay..." Dean's eyes widened before he shook his head and grinned, tears were in his eyes now... "Nah man, We both know I'm an asshole for sure... but I'm not THAT type of asshole, so wait... Y-You... You feel the same...?" Jason immediately scooped Dean up and chuckled, he also had tears in his eyes right now "Yes, yes I do... and thank you for the weapon... I love it, and I damn sure love you..." Jason immediately pressed his lips against Dean's, giving him a nice little smooch which made Dean blush intensely, the moment Jason pulled away he noticed this and laughed "You're blushing~!" Dean then scowled and gave the other a swift punch to the arm "S-Shut the fuck up! ....Wait..." He had finally noticed and cheekily grinned at Jason "You're also blushing too ya smartass!" The other merely grumbled and rolled his eyes "Whatever..." He couldn't hide the smile on his face "...I'm glad you feel this way... I'm glad we... both finally... admitted it... This is.... the happiest day of my life..." Dean couldn't help but smile, he gave him another smooch, this time on the cheek "Same here babe... Same here..." (two gay punks finally admit love for each other! y o w i e w o w i e! ...im sorry for using that quote- but onto the final prompt) Horror movie night with the lads! Dean sighed and slumped down on the couch "Jason, I'm fuckin' bored...! There's nothing on TV!" He exclaimed, which led to Jason standing up from his spot and walking over to one of the shelves, he quietly skimmed through it until he pulled out a certain movie "Let's watch this..." Dean looked over at the movie Jason had in his hands... It was See No Evil... Dean rose a brow "...Never seen that one before? What's it about?" Jason shrugged "The plot and backstory is a bit... Plain but honestly, the gore is pretty good... Think you can handle it hotshot?" Dean only laughed "Pah! Are you kiddin'?! It's just a silly movie, I can handle ANYTHING!" Jason scoffed "We'll see about that..." He popped the dvd into the player and then immediately set back down on the couch, it was a good night for a horror movie night anyways... It was quiet as could be, pitch black out and there was even some thunder on occasion. (listen... I k n o w- that horror movie isnt very good to many people but hey... I love it and want to reference it so shh- also it kinda fits for reasons being Dean gave Jason a hook as a present so just shsh-) Once the killer came on screen, Dean actually looked surprised "Damn... A pretty tall dude that one is..." Just then, he watched as the killer sank his hook into one of the victim's leg and this made Dean whistle "W o w... Pretty interesting weapon, don't see a hook used TOO often..." Jason nodded "Yeah..." He glanced over at the other, noticing he wasn't terrified or even scared in the slightest yet, if anything he looked excited for the gore... After awhile and halfway through the movie, Jason had gotten a great idea... He smirked for a moment before getting up "I'll be right back, gotta use the bathroom..." He then walked off, leaving Dean alone for a good bit... He walked into his room and grabbed his own hook and chain, he wanted to test something... He didn't know if this would scare Dean or not but he was somewhat hopeful that would be the case. Jason slowly crept out of his room and stood a good bit back from the couch, he'd have to make sure NOT to hook the couch, he didn't want to tear it anymore than it already was... He stood there for a few moments and then he threw it, right beside Dean, upon hearing the loud clank Dean yelped and jumped back, which led to him falling off the couch, he then noticed Jason holding the chain and snarled "You fuckin' asshole! What the FUCK?!" Jason couldn't help but laugh at this situation "Oh man... You look like you saw a ghost...!" He continued to laugh and then he pulled his chain back and grabbed it, he then walked over towards Dean who immediately tackled him onto the couch and began throwing (fake) punches to which Jason only chuckled at that and placed his hook against Dean's back "You wouldn't last five seconds in a horror movie if this is what you're going to do... I think you forgot... About my weapon" He gave Dean a little poke with the sharp end of the hook, he noticed Dean only grinned at that however "Oh... You're gonna get it... I'm GONNA get you back... Shoulda never given that stupid hook to you, knew you'd pull some bullshit with it!" Jason sneered and chuckled "I'd love to see you try..." Dean only gave him a final 'punch' and scoffed "When you least expect it big boy... Is when I'll strike..." Oh yes... Dean would get him back, he'd just wait until Jason never expected it... (aint got a better way to end this either but bam, three prompts donezo! Next up for story wise is gonna be a full length one and not "quick fire prompts" its gonna be a werewolf au in fact with these two lads, which should be fun to plan out but here's some quick fire prompts and some references to a movie I really love even if it isnt the best plot/backstory-wise)