#but honestly overall i've realized how many things i actually learned

[flatoatchi]

sometimes i feel like the very expensive intensive therapy program i went to in 2019 actually did anything or if it was just a good time and waste of my insurance's money, then i remember how many times ive reminded myself to acknowledge and feel my unpleasant emotions and not just let them absorb me, and to sit with the discomfort feeling them causes instead of trying to drown it out with distractions, and how to catch myself when im on the verge of a meltdown and want to lash out at people who don't deserve it, and how just because i had some fun in the process doesn't mean there wasn't anything meaningful going on

[copperbadge]

https://www.wired.com/story/therapy-broken-mental-health-challenges/

I came across this (old) article and it made me think of what you shared about your therapy experience. Would you say your therapy experience worked? It almost feels like you were telling us about how you were A/B testing your way through it.

Yeah, I remember reading that article at some point either before therapy or early on. I don't remember what I thought overall but I do remember being astonished that people expected therapy to help them in six sessions, and that most people report improvement in only 15-20. Not because I think either of those things are unrealistic based on any kind of evidence, but because that's not the expectation I was ever handed when I was in therapy. I was in therapy for nine years as a kid, until I turned eighteen and could legally refuse to go. Not for anything I did, like it wasn't a court order, I was simply put into therapy and wasn't allowed to leave by the adults in my life.

The thing is, because it was mandatory, because at least one of those therapists broke ethical constraints, and because across nine years and three separate therapists nobody caught my ADHD, I have a more complicated relationship to therapy than a lot of people. I still catch myself thinking of things I can't tell my therapist because then she'll have leverage on me. Which is absurd, but it took me a long time to start saying those things to her. I am difficult and private and smart enough to make that a real problem, so it's been a slow process for me.

I also think that article is complicated, because it makes a lot of good points but it also seems at times to confuse therapy itself with the abusive nature of the American healthcare system. So while it's a useful article particularly when it speaks to marginalized peoples' experiences, it may discourage people who could benefit from therapy from doing the work to find a therapist. It's a good article to learn from, but I wouldn't advise people to decide for or against therapy based on it.

(My thoughts on my own therapy under the cut)

I'm still in therapy. It's difficult to measure results. I think I handle interpersonal stress better than I used to, but I haven't been able to find much to help with some of the emotional volatility I experience, and while I've set some good boundaries with family, the process of doing that was and continues to be stressful and upsetting, in some ways harder than simply not having them, so I'm still assessing that. Part of the problem for me is that I don't find cognitive-behavioral therapy useful for what I need, and while I understand there are differences, like 90% of all therapeutic systems boil back down to those techniques. Reality checking, visualizing, physical stimulus responses, mindfulness, as I said once to Therapist, "It's CBT all the way down." I don't respond to many of them and others I was already doing, so *shrug emoji*

At that point, when I realized there was no system that was going to help with my specific problems -- in part because the problems are ADHD related in a way that you can't train your way out of -- we also agreed it was time to try medication. Which felt like a failure, but I know that realistically I looked at the situation as it is, assessed my options, and made an appropriate choice, which is after all what therapy is often about.

So I've been on Clonidine for a couple of weeks. And it's doing fuck-all so far, but it's the lowest dose and there are other options too, so it's an ongoing process.

Outside of frustration with trying to fix problems that I honestly don't think anything but medication will fix, therapy's ok. If nothing else the expectation of it helps me identify actual problems in my life. And like most people I enjoy talking about myself but I also have a lot of struggle around asking for that kind of indulgence from friends, so doing that for an hour in a structured transactional kind of way is easier for me.

Ultimately, there's no real one-size solution that's called "Therapy", so whether or not I have found it useful isn't really material to whether someone else would. Some people use it as maintenance stress-relief, some people need to do deep emotional work, some people are in crisis and need an objective commentator. Sometimes you move from one need to another. Right now I'm in a liminal space because we're trying something new, so it's tough to say. But I'm finding it worth the cost in time, energy, and money, so I'll keep on until I don't anymore.

[evenmorefatallyobsessed]

Milfs Models Candidates

Okay, so after many suggestions and research I've found some more possible Milf Candidates for me to make in the future. I would say don't judge me... But I think that'd be a lost cause.

Milf 01. Tsuki Uzaki

Y'know it's funny, I actually hate Hana, like she is kinda insufferable to me, I feel bad for Shinichi... Her mother, and sister (And Maybe Brother?) on the other hand... Yeah Tsuki is a top Class Milf.

Milf 02. Mitsuki Bakugo

I love her look, her attitude, just a perfect Milf, I shouldn't have to say more...

Milf 03. Nana Shimura

Muscle Momm-'Cough, Cough' Sorry, anyways, I like Nana, in the same way I like Endeavor, that is to say I like how their flawed individuals. But her flaw is the same as Summer's, she cares too much about doing good to the point where she hurt those close to her... Honestly someone should've slapped some sense into her when she decided to abandon her son. Like I get it, she just lost her husband the big bad would've targeted him... BUT C'MON!!! WHY WOULD YOU THINK OFA WASN'T ALREADY TARGETING YOU!!! Like she gets some leeway because obviously after just losing her husband she couldn't have been in the right state of mind but someone should've realized that possibility.

Milf 04. Lusamine

I hesitated with her mainly because I'd have to use the Hair accessories for her, and wouldn't be able to make other hair styles convincingly. But Yeah I'll probably be making her soon, cuz damn man, she's up there with Cynthia.

Milf 05. Susan Luong-Long

I, and I'm sure a good number of guys (And Girls) who blame this character for our fascination with Asian mommies...

Milf 06. Delia Ketchum

Honestly lowkey one of the best Pokémon Milfs.

Milf 07. Pokémon Black & White's Mom

Yeah, Pokémon knows exactly what it's doing by making Milfs like this...

Milf 08. Johanna (Dawn's Mom)

I Love Her Design, it's rather simple but utterly perfect!

Milf 09. Grace (Pokémon X & Y's Mom)

A sporty, country, mom who looks like she's ready to ride a bull, they really didn't use her near enough.

Milf 10. Prof. Sada

She makes me return to monke... those abs make, that tan, her wild look. Just, y'know a lot of people bought Scarlet for her alone...

Milf 11. Pokémon Scarlet & Violet's Mom

Penny was right, their mom is hot... I prefer the model with paler skin and deep brown hair myself.

Milf 12. Pokémon Sword & Shield's Mom

Not gonna lie, never played sword or shield, but I gotta say, she is a pretty mom. I like the glasses look with the overalls, gives her a fun vibe. I feel like there'll be a shock factor if I put her in other outfits too, so that'll be fun to see.

Milf 13. Pokémon Black & White 2's Mom

Mostly I wanna make her cuz there is a absolute lack of content of her and I'm kinda digging the idea of making her look utterly different with her hair down.

Milf 14. Lila Test

Y'know, I already wanna make Susan & Mary Test for Dexter when I get to him, so why not the mom too.

Milf 15. Charlotte Pickles

These three images convinced me, at first I couldn't see it, but thank you Anon, I've been shown the light. I like Milf in suits apparently... I learned something new about myself.

Milf 16. Jane Jetson

Ahh, Boomerang, how I miss you, this is just a Atlas Mom to me, and I feel like this further proves my childhood interest in redheads...

Milf 17. Wilma Flintstone

Y'know, I would complain that I can't find a decent pic of Wilma without Betty in it... Wait, No I Wouldn't! She next anyways. Well, this only serves to prove the whole Redheads thing lil' me had going on. I'mma say there from a Secluded Vacuian tribe, fucking savages... Hot, hot savage Milf.

Milf 18. Betty Rubble

Cavewoman are justice, and need to reenter the genepool of Remnant.

Milf 19. Carol from OK K.O.

Okay, so recently someone's ask me to make characters from OK K.O. Let's Be Heroes. Specifically Fink & Wilhamena, and to that all I have to say is... HOW DARE YOU NOT MENTION CAROL!!! Dude! Tanned Muscle Mommy! Seriously, she looks like she could be a badass. Not sure how faithful to the design I can be, or well want to be but I definitely like this character.

Milf 20. Wilhamena from OK K.O.

I mean, I get why so many people brought her up, I am looking forward to making this design, seems like it'd be fun. Still kinow nothing about the show though...

Okay, Last four... Gonna get a bit weird, feel free to judge me -_-

Milf 21. Nicole Watterson

I'd probably use the middle design as her actual model in Remnant making her a Faunus. Her Semblance would be '2D' Which references her cartoon origin but also can me Two Ds/ Doppelgangers, but well neither actually look like her but she can share her senses with them or have them act independently.

Milf 22. Lin (Millie's Mom)

Not gonna lie, I wanna make her half to have her get hate fucked (At Least at first), not the most honorable of intentions but FUCK HER!!! I get she's Millie's Mom, and a seemingly good one, but she hates Moxxie Way Too Much! How Can You Hate Moxxie! He's Adorable and a utterly devoted Husband! What, Just Cuz He's Not Country Strong, Fuck Off, No, Fuck Her! Fuck All The Bitch Outta This Milf With a Big Human Cock!

Milf 23. Toriel from Undertale

She is Literally the Goat HAHAHA!!! Okay but seriously I kinda have to make her. There is just WAY too much content for me to have ignored her. I typed in Game Milfs and this Goat showed up more then the Pokémon Moms.

Milf 24. Mrs. Kattswell

... God Dammit, I'm a fucking furry...

[rharyx]

Now that I've beaten Dawntrail, I can safely say it's one of my favorite expansions. Like, none of the expansions have actually been bad imo, but Dawntrail is just super comfy and enjoyable.

Wuk Lamat is a lovable character, and I'm proud to call her my sister Lamaty'i. I honestly don't get the hate for her role in the plot, nor her voice acting. She's adorable, and I loved seeing her grow, and experiencing Tural through both her initially naive eyes and her more trained eyes.

Everything about the journey through Tural was really fun, and I think it's some of the best zones we've gotten in a while. I loved arriving in a new place and learning about a new culture and their people, and seeing how it all tied into the Rite of Succession and what Lamaty'i was going to take away from it. How it all added to the stories of her, Koana, and even Zoraal Ja was really well done.

Like, Endwalker was good, don't get me wrong, but all the "end of the saga" doom and gloom really wore me down sometimes, so having a more lighthearted vacation where it's just you and your friends in a new land taking in the sights and helping out where you can was really relieving. I loved the entire time I spent traveling across Tural.

It all felt like a proper adventure, one that the Warrior of Light has been yearning for. They're an adventurer at heart, and sure they'll protect the world when they're called upon, but they at their core just like to travel and meet new people. They love the Star with all their heart, whether due to being a shard of Azem or not. And so this adventure through Tural was exactly what they needed. And you can see it in their eyes.

There are some nit picky stuff I could say that I didn't care for overall, but in the grand scheme of things they don't matter at all, because the expansion as a whole was just really enjoyable. I just can't understand the negative reception it's getting from some people.

Maybe I'm just pulling this out of nowhere, but I feel like we're finally seeing the consequences of so many people being told to "skip ARR" and the earlier stuff so they can get to ShB -- "the good stuff." We're getting people who are calling DT boring or slow, because all they really focused on was the high points of ShB and EW, not realizing DT is what most of the game is actually like. Idk, but DT just felt like all the parts of FF14 that I've enjoyed from the start rolled into one. And if you're only here for ShB-type stuff, you're just not engaging with the game properly.

Anyway, I love Dawntrail, and I love all the new characters and bits of lore it introduces, and I'm sad I already finished it because I don't want to wait for more story content. I really want to see where this story goes, and I want to see more of my Turali family.

[oldwritingm]

Hi could you do a Stan , Kyle ,Kenny , Craig, and Tweek x reader (separate) who has POTS and H-EDS , I just can’t find any representation in any fics, thank you and I hope you have a wonderful day

Of course!! I'm always more than happy to give y'all some representation! (and as always please let me know if I've written anything incorrectly,, I'm always trying to learn more! plus I never want to hurt you guys qwq)

South Park - Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig, and Tweek With a Reader Who Has POTS and H-EDS

Tweek

This poor soul spends every waking minute worrying about you

No matter how many times you try to tell him that you can handle yourself, he's never convinced

Standing up? He's at your side in a millisecond, even if he was across the room before

"Are you dizzy? Are you okay?"

His hands are under your armpits, ready to stabilize you, before you can even respond

And he's so so gentle with you, and even scolds you for not being gentle with yourself

"Hey hey hey! Take it easy!!"

When he first found out about your conditions, he pulled several all-nighters in a row researching everything about them

He has a little notebook filled with notes on the disorders

Sometimes he'll whip out a fact that even you didn't even know

He made a point to memorize everything, mainly because he was worried that if he forgot something you'd somehow die because of it :(

Honestly he's almost as affected by it as you are; he makes himself sick with worry

Over time he might get better, but in any case you can always comfort him by just taking it easy

And cuddling him while you do :)

Craig

When you first told him about your conditions, he was just like "what."

You explained it to him, of course, but he didn't bother to do any research beyond that

He figures that you know yourself and you can take care of yourself

But at the same time he's conscious about the things you can struggle with (only because you told him)

Like, when you stand up, he keeps his eye on you for a while

Or when you hit something on accident, even lightly, he asks if you're okay

And he checks the spot later for bruising/swelling/etc

"Lemme look at that spot on your leg that hit the table earlier."

He's not prone to worrying too much, but when he does worry he asks for your thoughts too

Especially if he wants to take you to the hospital

Because ultimately he trusts you to know yourself, and he's not going to go against your wishes

Unless you're like, clearly in need of emergency services

Then he's calling the ambulance no matter what you say

But overall he's pretty normal about it, he'll only make a big deal when he's worried

Stan

He definitely asks you a lot of questions about your conditions

He's not only curious, he wants to know how to help you

And even when he's well educated, he'll keep asking questions

"How are you feeling today? Is it worse or better than usual?"

They are not always... intelligent questions

But he's just trying to figure out how he can help you in the moment

Because that's always his goal; if you need his help, he wants to be there

But he'll back off (reluctantly) if you tell him to

He'll ask "are you sure" at least three times first though 💀

He's definitely a worrier, and helping you quells his anxiety just a bit

Either way he's keeping an eye on you

And he's buying you cute compression socks (if you use them)

He'll be over the moon if you actually wear them, not only because he likes knowing you're just a bit more comfortable + safe, but because he feels like he's helping :)

Kyle

He already knew what your conditions were when you told him (vaguely, at least)

But he decided to research them more in-depth when he realized that someone he cared about had them

His first search was: "how to help a loved one with POTS/H-EDS"

(he totally blushed while typing in "loved one")

But after that he dove deep into the more technical side,, like medical journals and stuff

He probably subscribes to a journal that specifically focuses on your conditions,, just so he can keep up-to-date on any new information

He does all this without telling you though, of course

He'll admit it if you somehow manage to find out about this, but he's going to try hard to make sure you don't find out

He doesn't want you thinking he's obsessed or whatever

But he low-key is

Even if you don't find out, you'll be seriously suspicious

Because he'll just whip out the most hyper-specific fact or bring up a new study

"You know they did a study on how [x] affects [y symptom], and they found that [x] can actually help. Maybe you can try it, or something."

He feels good when his knowledge actually helps you, though he also tries not to be a smart alec about it

Because, no matter how much research he does, he'll never know what you know from experience

(rare "Kyle being humble" moment spotted 🤯)

Kenny

I honestly don't think he'd take you all that seriously at first

Like, to him, if it doesn't affect your personality it isn't important

When you first told him he probably said something like:

"Damn babygirl, you still fine asf though.."

Only partially ironically 💀 (also, he uses "babygirl" as a gender-neutral term)

It's only when he actually sees you being affected by it that he gets worried

He totally freaks out the first time, and after that he sits down with you and makes you actually explain things to him

He tries to commit them to memory, but he's not going to remember everything

And he's pretty self-aware about that, so he just tries to be careful around you

Not "walking on eggshells" careful, just "no roughhousing/rough play"

And he always double-checks whenever you switch gears in terms of physical activity

"Doing okay? Need to sit down?"

He'll hold your hand and sit with you whenever you do need to sit down :)

And he'll talk casually; he always feels better when you're sitting

Mainly because he knows that's the only way you can't hurt yourself... just sitting doing nothing

Thank you for this request! And thanks so much for reading, take care duckies <33

(divider by saradika)

[gotham-daydreams]

How are you?

Busy, unfortunately!! Started college not too long ago, and all that - won't bore anyone with the details, though!! Sorry if I worried anyone with all the silence - I didn't even realize how long it's been! Wow!

Few things!!

1. HOLY HELL WE'RE AT 3K FOLLOWERS???? ALREADY???

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH UP AND COME UP WITH SPECIALS BUT OH MY GOD... There are so many of you!! And you all come in so fast!! It actually breaks my heart a little only because I haven't shown my best yet (or definitely feel like I haven't), which will definitely change! You guys deserve so much better! Though I'm still unsure what to do for specials... so ideas would be nice! I'd like to also do some late ones- since you guys 100% deserve it, and they're still milestones!! Though for 3k, I'll do something in the spirit of Halloween!... or fall if I'm late again- 😅

Regardless! I'm so happy for all the support!! It really is something that so many people see my posts, no matter how old, and interact with them! It's overwhelming, honestly, but I deeply appreciate it! Even more so when I have a habit of going to get the milk for a while, before coming back with a few cookies - LOL!

2. I've been seeing that my work has inspired a lot of people to make their own stuff, and it's super endearing and heartwarming!!! Really, even if I don't really comment and only interact with the posts on my main account, I still see them! And I love them!!! I'm honestly really surprised how much the Not [ ] Series has inspired others or served as inspiration for their work. It baffles me but I'm also really glad I was able to do that for someone! It's still insane, especially since I really don't see the series as my best work by a long shot, but I do still really admire and appreciate how people still took inspiration from it :]

To which, yes! I do read all of the works people tag me in LOL! I may not say much! But I do see it!! You're all amazing writers and I can't wait to see what you all make in the future!!

3. I will definitely try to catch up on asks! There have been a lot of them - which I'm very happy to see! So now that I have some time, I'll start to tackle them! I have a break coming up, so if not now, then definitely then! So, soon!

4. YES. CHAPTER 4 IS IN THE WORKS!! I doubt it'll be longer than 3 - I learned a lot during that, and I plan to not repeat my mistakes and take what I've learned. Though we'll see how it goes in actual execution!! I already forget what I've said on that end, and thanks to time I have made a few adjustments to the original plan, though the ending remains the same! Very... eventful!!

5. I AM TRYING TO GET A NEW SERIES OUT!! Because damn it do you guys deserve some quality on this blog!!! I'm not the best writer, obviously, but again, the Not [ ] is a farcry from what I can really produce, and even if I view it as a taste of what's to come - still!! Been also thinking of making it one of the romantic stories I had planned (seeing as a lot of platonic stuff has come out, which is cute!), but we'll see! 'Waiting' Reader has been on my mind... I'll say that much! Though maybe don't hold your breath...?

Overall, a little tired as usual, but glad to be back, and really kick start writing again! 💛... I say, at 5:30 am, like every great author!

[beanghostprincess]

Thoughs on Transfem Luffy? Personally I actually love this concept, some of my main hcs are:

- She comes out after Garp leaves her with Dadan so when he first sees her bounty posters he thinks he is going crazy at first

- Design is literally the same but with pigtails and the classic op girl eyes

- She casually nentions being trans after a visit from Chopper and everybody is cool with that. (Exept sanji)

- Amazpn Lily is a nightmare at first but after explaining herself Boa makes misgendering her a crime

- Impel Down is a lot more interesting

- Akainu is the only transphobic person in op and he gets his ass beaten

- Sabo cries (of joy) at Dressrosa for her

- Wano is more interesting too

Very very positive thoughts about transfem Luffy. She's my beloved. My little ball of chaos. The same exact as our canon Luffy but with different pronouns and somehow I imagine her to be even more unhinged because you wouldn't expect a cutie pie like her to be so damn chaotic.

Honestly, the whole thing is just something so cute to me. Makino? Dadan? Ace? Sabo? Shanks? They'd all support her like crazy. Ace and Sabo would beat the shit out of anyone saying anything bad about her while Makino teaches her (and her brothers) how to do her hair so it doesn't bother her while playing/running/training. This makes even more sense now because both Shanks and Dragon give major girl dad energy, so of course they'd love her (thinking about Dragon seeing the first Wanted poster and being thrilled about it and mourning a bit not being able to see her). Uta!!! Uta would tell her to be more feminine and delicate but she'd end up being charmed by her freedom, so she'd also beat the shit out of anyone who doesn't consider her sister a girl. Luffy is very nonchalant and careless about these things but is very stubborn so she gets frustrated when someone doesn't respect her identity. She's all like "I am a girl but I still wanna do stuff boys do, y'know? It just feels right to do whatever I want but, uh, as a girl. It makes sense".

Not to mention that she'd come out in the worst moment possible, in the most sudden way, and everyone in the crew would accept her but they'd be so astonished because Luffy is just so damn stupid and blunt sometimes. Also, I think it'd be good for Sanji to learn about trans girls... It'd help Sanji... In so many ways... The closet is glass for Sanji too but this isn't about her...

Amazon Lily is even better because Boa and Luffy would've been even greater friends (even though I love the whole "Luffy being the only guy she feels safe with" I also think that Boa acknowledging trans girls in an island specifically for women would be awesome).

Akainu can go rot in hell. If someone's transphobic in this show, it is him only.

Sabo!!!!!!! Sabo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sabo would be the best brother ever to his sister. I just know that he'd be even more protective than he is now even knowing she can protect herself. Like that's his baby sister!!! And he'd be so happy to see her again and realizing she has the family and support she has always wanted!! The fact that she lives free and by her own ideals is enough for Sabo to be the happiest.

Wano is more interesting because she'd actually relate to Yamato's experience!!!!!!!! Trans besties!!!!!!!!! And Kiku!!!!!! Wano truly is the trans arc...

Overall, I believe she'd be the exact same as she is now but would easily get bothered by people telling her she's not a girl or saying that she isn't girly enough. She'd be ruthless and yet the cutest thing ever. Btw, she'd still go shirtless/topless even if she gets boobs because she does not care about it lmao--

I've been saying we need more Luffy female protagonists, tbh. It'd be soooo good for the story and would add more to the topics of freedom and liberation.

[ciaossu-imagines]

SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE

okay idk if you had this question before

But considering how Shamal is aka flirts and hits on everything that identifies as female

How would Tsuna and his guardians react to that happening to their female partner?

This actually isn't a question I've ever had before! Thank you so much for sending it in and I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons!

We actually kind of saw how this would go down with Tsuna during the Daily Life Arc, when Shamal made some comments about Kyoko, someone Tsuna had a crush on. He'd react exactly the same throughout his teenage years with anyone he dated. That is, while nervous, panicky, a little upset, not at all sure how to react, Tsuna would definitely step in front of his partner and tell Shamal to leave them alone. I think he'd still largely react the same as an adult, though he's gotten more used to the doctor, knows Shamal is just being Shamal and wouldn't genuinely carry through with any of his flirting. He's still making sure he's right beside his partner though and if they become uncomfortable in any way, he's shutting Shamal down and getting his partner out of the situation in the best way he could.

Now, when it comes to Gokudera, I really do think that Shamal has a real weak spot for Hayato. Hayato is someone precious to Shamal, even if he verbally pretends otherwise. Actions speak a lot louder than words and Shamal is very interested in Hayato's life, worries about him, and does keep tabs on Hayato's life even as the boy grows into a man. He'd never actually do anything to harm Hayato, so in a way, I do think Shamal respects any partner Hayato does actually settle down with enough for Shamal to meet. His flirting wouldn't be as overt and not as physical as it would be with some of the other Guardians partners and it's mostly done to tease his precious student, to see Hayato get worked up. Because he will get worked up, calling Shamal a dirty old man and maybe even getting a little physically violent and definitely angry. His partner is either someone who just would've shut Shamal down anyway or is laid-back enough to realize the flirting was harmless and teasing and would both laugh it off and help Shamal out by defusing Hayato's ever-present temper just a little.

Honestly, this probably wouldn't bother Yamamoto too much. Not only is he a pretty laid-back, chill kind of person but he really does accept people for who they are. And that includes Shamal and his many quirks and his habit of needing to flirt and 'pick up' those women he considers attractive. In some way, yeah, it's kind of an ego boost for Yamamoto that his partner is so hot that other men really are desperately trying to flirt with them. Overall though, Yamamoto is someone who would never be in a relationship with someone he didn't absolutely respect and trust, so he knows that his partner would never do anything with Shamal, no matter how much flirting and pick-up lines the other man tried. That being said, if Shamal does cross the line to a point where Yamamoto notices his partner getting uncomfortable (which he definitely will, as Yamamoto is a lot more observant than he lets on), Takeshi will have absolutely no problem just casually telling Shamal to knock it off, in probably the nicest and friendliest way. He's just like 'yeah dude, maybe tone it down a bit, you're making her feel uncomfortable' or Yamamoto manages to completely change the subject, because he really just that kind of person.

Okay, but we kind of get hints that teenage Lambo turns into a bit of a playboy type and I really think that's partially to blame on Shamal being around Lambo during his formative years. Lambo seems to be the one person genuinely interested in learning Shamal's pick-up tricks and he takes some of the doctor's lines and techniques and honestly, those are probably among the things that made Lambo's partner initially fall for him. So Shamal trying to flirt with Lambo's partner? Lambo is genuinely curious to see how his partner will react, what might make them blush, make them upset. He uses it as a bit of a learning experience, though if his partner doesn't seem at all interested in anything Shamal is selling, Lambo is celebrating and rubbing it in the other man's face. It's that 'I have surpassed your skills, you dirty old bastard' moment for Lambo, where Lambo genuinely thinks it's because of Lambo's superior flirting and hitting on people skills that makes his partner like him more than they like Shamal and not the obvious choice of Lambo is who they're in love with and attracted to. That will, of course, create a verbal spar between Lambo and Shamal and Lambo's partner is just going to have to step away from those two idiots for a little bit, though Lambo will want his partner's sympathy and comfort when he loses that verbal sparring match.

Ryohei's starting a fight. There is going to be actual physical blows thrown on Ryohei's side and Shamal tends to beat a hasty retreat when that happens. It only takes once and Shamal really learns not to hit on Ryohei's partner, even jokingly or out of force of habit, when Ryohei is within earshot.

Hey, sorry to break it to you, sorry to anyone who doesn't like this take, but if Shamal is flirting with Hibari's partner, it's pretty much goddamn certain it's because Hibari isn't with them. One, Hibari doesn't actually spend an abundance of time with any romantic partner he does take, just because he is busy and has very clear goals and ideals he's working towards in life and doesn't have a lot of free time. Two, not even Shamal fucks with Hibari. Three, even if Shamal did fuck with Hibari and knew that was Hibari's partner, and even if Hibari overheard anything, Hibari expects ANY partner he takes on to be able to handle their own shit. Any romantic partner of Hibari's needs to be able to stand up for themselves and handle their own problems and that includes the good doctor.

I really honestly don't see Mukuro and Shamal interacting much at all. Even if they do encounter each other, it's largely just in passing, not even conversations. They share Tsuna's family in common but Mukuro doesn't really attend Vongola events, still holds himself apart. Chrome goes in his place instead for the most part and the only time I see Shamal and Mukuro seeing each other is either if the Vongola is in the midst of battle or if Shamal is treating someone in Kokuyo at Reborn's request. So, if Mukuro's partner does get hit on by Shamal, it's when they're not with Mukuro and Mukuro mostly hears about it afterwards. Because the situation isn't a pressing matter, it mostly just amuses Mukuro when his partner tells him about it.

As much as I absolutely adore Shamal, he's definitely propositioned Chrome and her female partner for a little ménage-a-trois action because the only thing hotter than one pretty girl is two pretty girls. It did make Chrome angry, embarrassed her, but Chrome isn't great about speaking up and standing up for herself. So her reaction is probably largely to just grab her partner's hand and run away from him. She doesn't much care for Shamal and tries to avoid him to the best of her ability anyway.

[therealandian]

things i thought about when working on stts but didn't actually wind up in the story:

jon and jonny getting stranded on a planet together and having to scrap together their own ship. i was even going to have it tie back into a bit in redeath where martin mentions abandoning jonny on a watery planet in retaliation for more or less selling him to hereward. originally they were supposed to not get along very well, but the moment i added jonny into the story i realized i could have a lot more fun with him taking jon under his wing. i was still thinking i'd strand them somewhere, including elias once i thought to add him in as well, but the closest i really got was the planet where jon got addicted to drugs lol. the water world bit got recycled and became por'zykev

jon actually learning to play an instrument. i just didn't have the time/a good opportunity to write this in. rest assured that he learned something, though

one version of the end involved jon and elias kidnapping little jon (who is midway through s3), jon replacing him at the institute, and then elias taking him away to some other planet. then martin was supposed to find him and kidnap little jon back before returning to earth while elias desperately chased after him

another version of the end that i did write some of involved elias adopting little jon instead of martin. but since i felt like it would add too much extra with how i'd written it, i decided against it. i may be persuaded to release some of that because there were still some great moments lol

there was a long period where i planned to have jon part from elias because he wanted time to accept that he would never see martin again. meanwhile elias would fuck off to earth. this ties into the 'elias adopting little jon' version, but isn't necessarily the only ending i thought of with this particular piece

the talyn were originally going to be warlords conquering the galaxy, but it was honestly way more interesting to have them just sorta be there as an overarching government that was relatively chill with letting people do what they'd already been doing. after all, a hivemind race would be all about cooperation

there was a whole conversation planned about the pros and cons of being a god with donovan's kids. this didn't wind up making the cut, but that scene did end with elias crying into mashed potatoes, and i think that's hilarious still

this isn't necessarily something that didn't make it into the fic since it's referenced a couple times, but it's important that everyone knows that elias adopted Every Child He Met who didn't have decent parents. there were many.

the bit where jon got dissected was originally 1) on a spaceship, 2) both jon and elias nearly getting blown to pieces by the talyn, and 3) way more graphic. jon actually demanded elias leave him behind and pick him up later, because in that version they already had the dread-not. this was the part where they realized they were friends and had a panic about it. i might be persuaded to post that bit too, actually. i was pretty proud of it at the time i first thought it up lol

there's a scene in my head that i started writing out that wouldn't have fit anywhere in the overall narrative (and i'd already finished stts by then). in that scene, elias has a sudden realization that he's attracted to jon and they have to have a Talk. jon naturally doesn't feel the same, and elias is fine with that so long as jon is happy. it would've probably been pretty cute, but it didn't really fit the pacing, and frankly i wanted to leave their relationship relatively ambiguous. they definitely love each other, but the form of that love is up to each individual reader

jon and elias have fucked at least once out of boredom. whether or not it ever happened again is anybody's guess.

there are definitely other things that i've since forgotten, but i thought it'd be fun to run back through and see what random stuff i'd planned to do throughout everything. it's pretty funny, because while redeath stuck pretty damn close to the original timeline, stts gave me the freedom to fuck around and find out, and i'm deeply proud of the result. sure, there are plenty of other things i probably could've done, adding or subtracting or reconfiguring different scenes and situations, but i feel like accepting that not everything is going to make it into the story with the way the pacing worked out is important. take the sheer amount of endings i plotted out in my head, for example. literally dozens XD

[haeroniel-doliet]

Bonus content for dinluke big bang pieces pt 3!: enjoy this timelapse of the process for the chapter 7 piece. This is mostly for the curious/myself for future reference, more thoughts and details on my process below the cut!

So glad in hindsight that I turned on the recordings because I genuinely think looking through these videos and commenting on them in between finishing pieces has actually really helped me refine things and improve!

This one I think is the least messy overall since the goal has been pretty clear since the beginning and it had much less intense of a background

We started brainstorming this before even the chapter was written! How exciting to have been part of a project where I actually got to work with an author and collaborate on the vision for a scene in their story

Hence the multiple little key frames to figure out what kind of story is being shared (also for future ref, definitely should do those kind of thumbnails more often to flesh out the composition early on

Had an awful time trying to draw Dins face honestly it is rough (I know his face is so nice and unique hence so hard to get right) Feel free to skip to about 0:35 to skip the worst of the somewhat cringey struggles.

I had a big issue constantly feeling like Luke was so stiff and sometimes doll like sometimes just so unemotive. Hence in between trying to go for an extra soft and emotive face that eventually I thought was just too extreme (like also figuring out that Din isn't concerned/scared here, but happy with a smidge of bittersweet reserve

It's honestly wild looking at the end result beside this, I had many a point I had no idea how this would turn out in the end!

Note I finally got to trying to colour them in and colourpicked from the previous piece for luke (far too pale for the setting here!) My boys been in the sun now, in the beginning being pale made sense he was also losing blood yknow

Really painted din too tanned to start with thanks to having the reference pics for these both be wildly over exposed for luke and in a lot of shadows and yellow lighting for din (and he wouldn't be so tanned having hid under a helmet for so long right?) So I spent a good bit of time adjusting them to fit slightly dimmed and shadowed outside light and not be so wildly overly contrasting to each other

And overall trying to add more colour variety! We're not in the cave anymore where everything was dulled

The tarp was giving me a bit of a nightmare until I remembered I can just reference basically the tarps i've slept under in scouts so often! No need to make it anymore complicated and it's so cozy (just had to fanangle it so it showed enough of their faces while still cozy and sheltering)

Almost had another nightmare with the forest but then figured it really doesn't need to be more than a suggestion and went with the whole lens blur effect (the boxes kind of suck but they do their job and yes I painted them mid committee meeting that I was definitely caring a lot about)

Finally rain and other little details, some little things I was left thinking I could do better even more refined even more clean and better but just. honestly? I was done and any further tiny editing would only ever be noticed by me and this was good enough and it was time to let it be done, don't you agree?

Fun fact I think this had made me realize you know, it looks like mine, this looks like I made it, maybe it means its in the style I have now maybe? It's not photo realistic and its not meant to be, it looks like the best I myself can do this moment in time

Alright future me: A reminder that this isn't perfect but it's a genuine big achievement. Finishing all these three with the level of ambitious detail and background you set out to? and only being almsot 1 week overdue on the final one? Thats impressive that's more than i've ever done, digitally especially. This is an achievement and I should be proud! Hopefully I remember to learn from these successess and stop spending forever agonising over little details so much so that it's not fun anymore (a little agonising is okay otherwise I'd have been okay with those multiple failed faces etc) but that taking the pieces from sketch/lineart to this? not even perfect paintings like the super talented people but even still much more engaging and interesting and complete looking. I can do it! And hopefully I can do more like this in the future for myself because being this proud of myself is worth it.

[plumbus-central]

How did you develop your art style? Like how did you find your own voice in your art?

Oh what an interesting question, I never expected to asked abt my art!

Honestly i took a while to think abt this question, and I think a lot i've done about developing my own art style came from seeing things i liked in other people's art and copying it lol.

For instance when i was in the [REDACTED] fandom when i was a young teen there was a very popular artist who used gradients in their work to add depth and color and i liked it a lot, so i started doing it in my work too.

A few years ago i started following an artist and really liked their work bc they had such a strong grasp of color, shape, gesture, and line. And they used these strong, thick lines to fill out the form of their work, but i noticed that the lines often didn't touch and that it didn't matter bc you could still understand and make out the form of whatever they drew just fine. So i decided to stop worrying abt MY lines touching either lol. which is how i ended up with those sort of ghost constructions of figures and shapes i do sometimes.

I can vividly remember seeing a comic on tumblr ONCE where i saw a character have just a line for a mouth that went off their face and i just stared at that panel for a while trying to figure out why i liked it so much lol until i realized it was their expression that i liked. So i kept that in my head, and a few years later i realized that i had started using it in my art too.

Another aspect that has influenced my art is exploring other media and being challenged by my own interests. Like when i was a teen i was very into steven universe and my own ocs. which was fine but didn't challenge me too much artistically. Then in college i got into bojack horseman, and specifically my favorite character was herb kazzaz, a short, fat man with a beard. Completely out of my comfort zone to draw, but i wanted to draw him so bad! so i figured it out!

(some of u might actually be familiar w/ my boajck horseman sideblog @hambone-fakenameington , it hasnt been updated in a while cause im on that rick and morty shit right now lol). But now i have to skills to draw these things by way of my interests in the character.

My fixation with rick and morty was actually so strong at first that i was drawing like crazy, which eventually taught me to focus on and hone my skills with gesture, thumbnailing, and composition bc i wanted to draw so many ideas at once that i couldn't spend too long on each one. (and it also gave me lots of practice). Thanks to my interest in R&M ive also developed skills in drawing very skinny bodies lol, but also on pushing expressions and gestures to extremes that i never used to!

Hell even just trying to figure out how to take features and details from characters in something and translate them into YOUR style can be a big learning and growing experience. (u can see in my old art it took me a while to get rick to look right)

So i guess the overall is that seeking out and consuming media is always important bc you can take a lot of inspiration from something without even realizing it. (honestly if ur feeling stagnant in ur art watching/reading something new can be a good way to jog ur brain). And taking a good look at the art you enjoy and trying to figure out WHY u like it, and what elements are stick out to u. Then seeing if you can bring those elements into ur own art and see if it's successful to u to explore it.

as far as voice goes um.... i guess what's become important to me is that u gotta know when to cut corners lol. like a hand doesn't ALWAYS need to be perfectly formed, like it can be a squiggle and it might even look better for it. sometimes loose and sloppy looks good for what ur doing and sometimes heavily defined and carefully lined work is necessary but i gotta remember that the clean art is built on the back of the sloppy studies. and stray lines, warped perspective, and unaligned facial elements can give a lot of character to a work that might otherwise seem bland and stiff.

thank you so much for the question it was fun to take a look at my work and reflect on how i got to what i have as a style now! R&M has honestly done A TON for my art style and drawing abilities that i didn't realize till now.

Also worth mentioning bc i forget how much of my life i share w/ you guys but i also have BFA in Illustration with a focus in Animation Arts and Sequential Art.

[chocobothis]

Ships ask- 1, 21, 27, 34, and 44, with the ship of your choice, if you could please?

I am always on some shit so you've got three ships! I've also realized I still answer questions by restating the questions sometimes so that's an old academic habit still hanging on.

The Ships

Claire Redfield x Nico Bright (Brightfield) from Resident Evil

Pre Vizsla x Solus Ve'tra (PreSolus) from Star Wars

Libertus Ostium x Feronia "Fe" Cataegis (Liberfe) from Final Fantasy XV

-

1. Describe their first date.

Brightfield: It was really cute and at an arcade bar. Claire’s obviously been on many dates but Nico really hasn’t. Yes, she had a relationship with Javi in high school that looked traditional romantic but was queer-platonic instead. This is her first big Official Romantic Date. It doesn’t matter that she knows Claire because this is Different. So, the location is somewhere they can keep moving around but also provides time to talk. Yes, Nico wins Claire a stuffed animal because she’s a gentleman like that. Yes, Claire helped Nico, age 19, get a very real Fake ID (one of many) so she could buy drinks on her own.

PreSolus: They actually don’t have a first date as much as they had a many, many things happen. It was also a little bit

What happened was they met because Solus was his temporary bodyguard during a mission to figure out why Death Watch attacked a Republic Cruiser. There was a hypothetical one night stand because everyone was still buying each other's covers. He’s a reformed Governor of Concordia, she’s a devout Jedi Padawan, and this fantastic, highly compatible hooking up is happening once. Then they had a wonderful fight near the mines on Concordia where they very much tried to kill each other (and came away with trophies). He sent assassins to Coruscant after Satine, she sent back a single living one and killed the rest, and also taunted him through the comm borrowed from a dead assassin. Then she tosses away her status as a Padawan and citizen of the Republic, fucks over some Jedi information networks on Nar Shadaa, and then joins Death Watch because being a True Mandalorian got her fucked over during the Civil War.

LiberFe: In terms of first dates, it was overall pretty standard. They got dinner at a Galahdian place then went to some little glorified art house theater to see a movie. The only reason for the movie was it was in Galahdian and they love hearing their native tongue. Afterward, there was probably drinks because Nyx is demanding they meet up. They’ve already known each other a while but both put out on the first date anyway. He has a small one bedroom apartment they end up crashing at.

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

Brightfield: They’ve both lived hard, even if rewarding, lives so the little domestic things are still magical to them. Grocery shopping, washing the cars, folding laundry, etc. together means so much because it means they’re both in the same space, at the same time, and healthy. Claire’s even learning to cook out of it because she can’t but Nico can. In return, Nico gets to watch Claire be the Sexy Mechanic while working on their motorcycles.

PreSolus: They honestly do, which feels like it's the opposite of how they carry themselves. He’s this badass Manda’lor, heads Death Watch, and is focused on reclaiming Mandalore. She’s a savvy politician, assassin, and otherwise swiss army knife of a Nite Owl. But, they both really enjoy the simple things and spending time with each other doing the little things. When they have their children (twins Tarre and Jila) they share the responsibility of caring for them, while carrying on their duties to Death Watch, and adore it. Honestly, one of Solus' biggest dreams has always been to be a mother. She wants that Domestic Life.

Liberfe: They really do but it becomes most readily apparent after the Dawn. They move back to Galahd with the other half of their polycule (Nyx and Lunafreya) to live wonderfully simple lives. Getting to take in all of the little things each day with partners tastes so much sweeter with returned sunlight. Hanging clothes out to line dry, walking through real forests, and even cooking is stunning now. They all work in Their Bar but Fe and Lunafreya still work part time as medics.

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

Brightfield: There’s tons and tons of little ways. Claire makes Nico a cup of coffee, checks her for injuries when she gets back from jobs, and takes care of her hair; her hair is 3A curls so there’s a Routine. While Nico helps Claire touch up the color to her roots, baked her brownies with extra walnuts and lets her have more of the edge pieces, and makes her wind down tea in her favorite mug. It’s taking each other to doctor’s appointments when injured or showing up with favorite foods for comfort. Sharing clothes so they’re always together in some way. Even listening to each other talk about their passions at length. Nico almost cried when Claire was eagerly listening to her talk about plants instead of getting bored.

PreSolus: She always makes sure she checks over his kom’rk, even if there’s other mechanics. It’s something she has to be sure of because she needs him back. He got her a strill to protect her and keep her company while he’s gone. She tends to his injuries both traditional ways and with her knowledge of Force Healing. He found two kyber crystals for her to forge her new lightsabers. Then it’s making cups of caf or soundboarding ideas or any number of little things that’s always “I love you” in subtle words.

Liberfe: Fe suffered a traumatic brain injury as a toddler (she nearly drowned) and it crops up in a couple of different ways; along with whatever her biological family had going on. One of the ways it shows up is selective mutism. He learned to sign for her and made sure their Final Home had an open concept so everyone could see each other and communicate with her. She also tends to decompress from sensory overloads by watching light projectors on the ceiling be it fish, galaxies, etc. He kept one at his apartment in Insomnia for her and they have a real fish tank in Galahd to supplement. She knows he loves cooking so she collects fresh herbs and spices for him. It's something she’s learned to handle for her folk medicines but still a part is reserved for him. She’ll also sort, prep, and label them for him. If he’s had a hard day she draws a bath that’s peak luxury with bath salts, candles, etc. so he can fully unwind. When he wants to think out loud she's always there to listen even if it may not seem like she's listening to an outsider.

34. Do they have any inside jokes?

Brightfield: They’re full of inside jokes that range from known to their friends group/polycule (it’s almost a circle) to just the two of them. Claire’s cooking mishaps or Nico’s plant excursions rank toward the top.

PreSolus: Yes. Solus doesn’t drop that she never got a first date. Nor will she ever let it go that his ancestor outsourced Darksaber to her through the Force because Clan and House Vizsla was such a Hot Mess. She’s a morosexual and he repeatedly reminds her of it.

Liberfe: They’re not really inside jokes as much as a lot of Insomnians just can’t understand them. Someone says something in Galahdian or she’ll sign something rude/funny/etc. that he playfully refuses to translate. Their group of friends know what’s happening though.

44. Do they cuddle often? Why or why not?

Brightfield: They cuddle all of the time. Claire’s very physically affectionate person and Nico spent one and half decades extraordinarily touch starved. It worked out so, so well that they love being clued to each other.

PreSolus: I do think they cuddle fairly frequently due to how friendly Mandalorians are with their own clans/groups/etc along with their personalities. Pre doesn’t strike me as someone who’s really dated beyond Bo-Katan (who gets folded into this relationship as their third) so having the chance to just hold someone romantically is nice. Meanwhile, Solus is an only child but spends large swaths of her time surrounded by others, be it fellow Mandalorians or her friends in the Order. She seeks out physical comfort. They also just don’t get to spend as much time together because their jobs pull them in separate ways.

Liberfe: Life is too short, especially for a Kingsglaive, to not spend a lot of time together. She’s perpetually chilly due to her Messenger of Shiva Status so cuddling her is a free cool down. It’s also really nice to drift off and wake up with each other in sight and arms length. That way everything is still real. Also, she just sleeps half on top of people so it was just gonna happen.

Ship Ask Game - The Basics

[riddlerosehearts]

...well. i finished my first playthrough of baldur's gate 3. over the last several days i did the fight against gortash, the final battle against the netherbrain, the ending scenes at the docks, and the epilogue party. in this post i'll just write about everything up until the ending cutscenes start, and then make another post tomorrow because i have many thoughts and i don't want to make this be insanely long. not that it matters since i've basically just been making these posts for myself the entire time, but ANYWAY

love the fact that i was able to cast otto's irresistible dance on gortash during the very first turn and keep him boogeying for a bit before he managed to break out of it. using it on someone like him is just hilarious. this battle was surprisingly really easy, though? like with both otto's irresistible dance and hold person available, gortash barely got to do anything and there were only a couple other enemies who were incredibly easy to defeat. the grenade launchers were more annoying than anything else. kind of underwhelming but considering how difficult some of the other act 3 fights have been, and how close i now am to the end, i'm not complaining!

i'm so sad about karlach oh my god. she hasn't even been a favorite of mine, i mean, i like her a lot, she's always a delight to talk to, but she's not the type of character i get as easily attached to and i haven't used her on my team that much overall. and yet her voice acting was so full of emotion and her dialogue so heartwrenching that she made me wanna cry. gortash is dead and it should feel like this big victory but for her it isn't, because it doesn't change anything about what's happened or what's going to happen to her... elenion tried to joke around and call gortash ugly and karlach said she was too tired to laugh. they told her they think she should keep living as long as she can and she said "you do it, i'm tired". she's tried so hard to seem positive and hide her loneliness but now she's so caught up in her grief and anger that she's just tired of it all. "i want to live" plays in the background of the scene. she ends things by saying "love you" even if you're not romancing her. god i want to hug her so bad :( going to use the hugs mod i have installed to do that after talking to her back at camp.

talking to everyone around the camp, lae'zel is so encouraging in her own way and even astarion says there's no justice in the world because of what's happening to karlach... for some reason, it was this bit of dialogue with jaheira that made me actually tear up a little:

like i guess it's just the fact that jaheira is this legendary hero that karlach looks up to and was so excited to meet, and here she is saying she doesn't know what else she can do to help karlach. it's so unfair what the fuck!!

had to screenshot this dialogue from wyll in the astral plane because i love him:

the emperor is an interesting character, and i can honestly understand why some people, and some tavs, might trust him and want to ally with him. but elenion is very untrusting by nature, and sure, he's grown a lot and learned to put more trust in his allies--but the emperor as the dream guardian just constantly made him feel confused and uncertain and then once he was finally willing to fully trust them, he found out that he was being lied to after all. and then the emperor kept withholding information from him, and trying to convince him that he should become an illithid. so no, he is not allying with the emperor!! although orpheus's attitude is not exactly winning me over lmao, for one thing we did not STEAL the githyanki egg!!

WOAH the baby owlbear grew up?! big armored owlbear?! was not expecting that! also, huh, zevlor is here too... i don't think the gather your allies quest ever mentions him in the quest journal so i didn't realize he'd show back up. maybe it's just me, but i kind of wish there was more resolution to his story. i looked up whether he ever reappears after you rescue him in act 2 and found that he doesn't, and he doesn't even have a voiced line of dialogue at high hall, which really sticks out and seems weird because everyone else does except for him and volo?? the gondians also aren't here even though the quest journal does mention them... i think i got pretty much every not-evil ally, though! except for mol, i guess.

i callled pretty much every ally during the big battles in the courtyard because i wanted to see what they could do! and then i only called a few during the actual final battle because i was afraid that certain characters like zevlor or the owlbear might permadie. but it's so cool being able to call on everyone who you've helped throughout the game, as it really helps these last battles feel more epic and exciting. though it also makes me wonder what the rest of my party who isn't here in high hall is doing... like, okay, so jaheira and halsin were not in my party and they still showed up to give their aid. but what about minsc and boo? what about shadowheart, astarion, and karlach?? are they all just chilling out at camp while the rest of us fight?? it just feels odd that they don't show up here at all.

i accidentally got party wiped while trying to reach the netherbrain because i couldn't figure out where i was actually supposed to be going and messed up... please, if i ever have to be part of a band of heroes rising up to stop a world-ending threat, do not make me the leader. my nonexistent sense of direction will literally doom us all. the second attempt was really easy once i figured out what i was doing LMAO but i did also have to restart the final battle because... i had no idea how the thing with the netherbrain destroying the platforms worked and my party all died at once the first time. it's my first playthrough and i knew nothing about this whole part of the game, so of course there was going to be some trial and error. i had a lot of fun with all of that, though!!

and now we get to the ending cutscenes... which i will be posting about separately later. for now i'll just say i love this game and i can't believe i've hit the end of it. i started playing in march what the fuck.

[koqabear]

NOOO omg pls i love seeing a whopping 15-20k+ because i think one thing i've learned after reading your fics and trying to write my first big one is that pacing is really what makes it all count and come together, like those few extra thousand words make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things because the bigger the work is, the more room there is to build up and make it even better but by setting a small wc it's like... something's missing almost? i feel like sometimes you can just tell when something was supposed to be longer but got shortened, so i think it's really good that you end up taking those few steps further because that's what got me into your writing and made me less scared of huge wcs in the first place! 💗

also yeah i noticed too, and i thought it was super funny how after you realized there was a surplus of Very needed taehyun and beomgyu fics like i can't even complain! i will say though... i've been less and less on tumblr n i'm a bit behind on your masterlist so... i need to fix that if i want to stay true to my name 😞 – ml

it’s really reassuring to hear that actually 😭😭 especially since i always seem to doubt myself about it, wondering if it’s too long for people to enjoy lmaoo— but i agree on the fact that it’s worth it in the end, i feel like it allows me to make my characters and the plot more fleshed out, it’s overall just something i will never be able to stop myself from doing (and, i think it’s just straight up what i’m known for on here sksjdbd)

i just post what i want to see on here tbh… and honestly, i was severely distraught when i realized that there wasn’t as many tae fics on here; naturally, i had to fix it ! and don’t feel bad about not being caught up, i just post a lot 😭 and i’m happy enough to just be talking to you! (skfbskd that was so corny)

[writer-and-thrasher]

D20 Auction Tracker!

Hey, all! Because the Dimension 20 auction got super expensive -- like, immediately -- and because I'm a massive nerd who wants to earn my proficiency in Google Sheets / Microsoft Excel, I'm working on spreadsheets to track the cost of the auction (and posting it both here and TikTok so I can show it to others)! Also, spoiler alert for A Crown of Candy if you haven't seen it!

But first! The procedures!

Start with all of the beginning data.

Honestly, this was the easy part. Each D20 mini cost $50 at the beginning of the auction, and at $50 multiplied by 25 minis, the starting total cost was $1250. From here, though, I broke things down into different categories that I felt appropriate. First, I broke the minis into how they interacted in the world. Most of these were obvious, such as PCs and NPCs, but I quickly realized that I needed different categories from here. Not only are they selling minis for PCs that were never used, but the NPCs can break down into different types as well.

Additionally, I was curious about how each country in Calorum would fare in this. It made sense that Candians would be bid on for the highest amounts, but I wondered about the other countries, regardless of if they were allies or enemies. From here, I proceeded to create each country as its own category, as well. At the end of the beginning, my spreadsheet looked like this:

I created the category "PC+Unused" to account for backup characters that didn't need to exist because the original character didn't die, and (mostly out of curiosity), I added a category for NPCs that had been named.

2. Figure out how to use Sheets.

This part was a bit of a challenge, especially with the different categories I wanted to use. I didn't want to add everything together individually, so I had to learn how to use the algorithms on Sheets to just input the data for me. It was difficult, but once I got things set up, I could copy and paste for the most part.

One more complicated aspect of this was the Change columns. I wanted to represent the changes between each preceding week, but there's no real formula for that. While it took a long time to tweak, I eventually got it figured out. Now, looking at any data set, you can see the change between all of the previous columns in order!

3. Plug in and go!

I decided to test my skills with 48hr and 72hr checks to make sure everything was working well, and it was!

There are some interesting observations that I've noticed so far:

The Meatlands actually went down between the 48hr and 72hr checks, though this may be largely attributed to the fact that there were only four of them, and Hamdog went from being $1500 to $1100. While I don't entirely understand how that works in an auction, this did decrease the amount that the Meatlands was supplying to the overall cost of each mini, especially with total costs increasing over $1k in that timeframe.

Additionally, the range shrunk in this timeframe. While it didn't shrink by much, the fact that the most costly mini (Liam's) didn't change in cost indicates that the bottom floor for the minis is continuing to increase. In fact, 20 minutes after I took my 72hr screenshots, the lowest cost for a mini was not below $600.

I feel that it is worth saying at this time that there are two things existing at once. I am personally very glad that Dropout is able to use this auction to raise money for future episodes and for charity, and I think an auction was the perfect way to do this for their goals. Their minis are beautiful, and I'm really happy to see that so many people recognize the talent and work that goes into them. Also, as a first generation, low income college student... it does suck a bit that I immediately couldn't participate. I'm glad for Dropout, but a bit bummed out for me and others who couldn't drop $600 on a mini. I also think that this demonstrates some serious discrepancies between many members of the TTRPG community. This isn't inherently a bad thing, but it's worthy of recognition.

I'll update this post as soon as I have information following the last of the auction -- and considering that it's a popcorn style auction, it may go past the 12pmPST end time. But, I'll have some hard numbers for all of you, as well as predictions for the next three weeks!

[autumnslance]

☄ your choice?

☄: what the writing process was like

This was hard so I left it up to FC vote during our maps night and they decided on "Rogue's Prelude", my actual longfic about our favorite damn rogue and my made-up a backstory for him.

So my 2 longfics for Thancred happened back in 2018. I had gotten back into the game in 2017 with Stormblood, had rolled up C'oretta and Aeryn, got C'oretta through the game, started to play Aeryn...and realized I was in Trouble. I had no idea how to run a OCNPC romance storyline but it was apparently happening regardless, so I had to figure it out.

In Feb 2018 things came to a head at work, I was fired--on the same day I fell in the shower and bruised and wrenched the heck out of my shoulder--and I started to go to therapy for the absolute funk I was in (some of it due to that previous work place sending me downward).

So I had a lot of free time between job hunting and temp work and a stint of jury duty. Free time I really needed, honestly, and by the time I got into my current workplace later that summer/fall I was in a much better headspace. And the creativity was trickling back in after a years-long dry spell and I needed to figure out how to write my favorite NPC, to figure out who he was by himself, so I could eventually smoosh his face into my WoL's face, or something, IDK, I was still figuring out this "shipping" thing.

I'd shaken some rust off with the 2017 FFXIV Write. "Walk in the Wilds" was like cracking loose locked-up joints. I felt much more confident when I decided to tackle the ideas I had for Thancred's backstory, especially when I realized how much longer it was going to be.

There was a lot of research; into 1.0 things, into Louisoix, into actual real life Thieves' Cant, into various Limsan quests and stories, into all things Thancred available at the time. I outlined, roughly, with lots of bullet points and random notes, scene ideas, dialogue ideas. Some things made it in, some things did not. I ended up reworking my idea for the climactic final battle entirely as the original iteration on the Isle of Umbra wasn't working out. I made up plenty of things (and some folks ask me if X is canon or something they read in my fic which is wild to me).

I had a vague idea of the overall, but the actual plotting and planning of each chapter happened as I wrote them, maybe only 2 chapters ahead at most; I'm a very impatient writer. The epilogue I got the idea for maybe a third of the way through, and got a few revisions as I went along to fit the story.

It also kept me sane and gave a focus for my anxiety as I went through training and the first few weeks at my new job, given the absolute blow to my confidence the previous one had dealt me. Even if I sometimes found, in my eagerness and anxiety, time during work to write. The eager, lovely commentary of my readers helped a lot during that time.

I haven't had quite such a manic creative period as that weird summer of 2018, but I've been happily busy and stable at my job, and have managed to stay relatively steady with smaller writing projects and even sometimes posting them. There's things I look back and would change/do differently now in "Prelude" and "Walk" but overall I'm still quite proud of them, and I guess I figured out how to write Thancred more or less OK (at least I stopped worrying about smooshing his face with my WoL's, though many times they prefer cuddling with a book together, those nerds), and learned what works for me when I get the hankering to write longfic, as they helped me get my writing groove back.

Hard to explain a specific process 4 years later, but the timing definitely had a hand in the vague planning and definite execution of a 37k+ longfic that required in game and real world research and making up a buncha stuff that seemed semi-plausible. Lotsa notes. Lotsa throwaway scenes and dialogue bits. Stitching it together, not as much editing and revision as I do these days (hrm, maybe too much these days...), and a fic fell out while I was dealing with Life, and one of the ways I managed to get through said Life happening to me at that time.

Thank goodness for our blorbos, being there when we need 'em.