#but his personality is just so weak and he's kind of a self-important dick early on and he never undergoes the kind of change that would

[llycaons]

the littlest boys are watching hxh! second brother cannot remember anyone's name but third brother loves killua <3 and dislikes leorio LMAO I think we have the same taste in a lot of things actually, this is the one who loves mp100 and who watched cql with me

[cinnamonest]

Kaeya is really touchy with his darling, right? So then,, what are the other Yan’s love languages?

NICE I love the love languages stuff! Sorry this was from April but I'm finally getting to it! Usually the two are similar, but sometimes people have different ways of expressing love versus how they want to receive it, so I'll elaborate on that as well. Enjoy my rareish semi-fluffy stuff, boys and which of the 5 love languages they are :3 Kazuha - quality time

Honestly, he's a simple boy. All he really needs to be happy and feel mutual love is sit with you close to him, arms wrapped around you, preferably with you returning the gesture. He has a lot of feelings and fears for the future, lots of emotions all bottled up, so someone to listen to him means a lot. Taking the time to listen to all he has to say makes him sheepish and embarrassed even, but as long as you assure him it's ok, he'll keep coming back for more of your listening ears.

Also, he likes to go on walks. These can be talking or not, sometimes he just likes walking in silence. Either way, accompanying him on said walks is a way to endear yourself to him and show him you love him. Sometimes it's just silently walking down beaches or pathways or in circles around the ship deck, sometimes it's him venting, sometimes it's him gushing about this or that... either way, basically providing him with an outlet for his emotions and spending time with him is what matters.

Zhongli -  gifts, quality time

Sugar daddy

But in all seriousness he's big on spoiling a darling. I mean let's be real it's probably someone else's money OR this is in an era where he could just make some, so he will literally get you anything you could ask for, hell, anything he sees you looking at, tons of things you have no use for but he just likes the way your eyes light up all the same. It makes you happy, and that's what love is about, right? Wanting to make people you love happy.

However, for himself, it's a quality time thing, similar to Kazuha's where it's a lot of listening. He has a lot to say sometimes and can get to rambling about details of this or that thing he somehow manages to be an expert on, and while he usually catches himself early on, sometimes he can REALLY go on a while. He knows you don't have any clue what he's talking about, and probably don't really care, but if you sudden bring up a detail that shows you were listening -- it makes him feel oddly warm inside, like you actually think what he talks about is important and care about it. It makes him chuckle a bit, pat your head. He tells you if you're bored you don't have to listen.... so if you insist on doing so anyway, well, that just makes him feel even better inside, oddly validated in a way.

Kaeya  -  words of affirmation, touch

Is sex a love language?

But in all seriousness, yes as per the opening of the ask, he's very touchy. By 'touch' in this case, that... does translate to sex about 90% of the time. Can you blame him?? It's because he loves you! If he didn't love you he wouldn't wanna get his dick in you so bad! It's love that makes him so handsy and touchy, always rubbing you and running the edges of his fingers under your shirts and skirts and shorts even in public, hands wrapping around your waist and hips, sneaking fondles here and there... and it's out of love that you get railed all the time. His peak happiness is just being balls deep inside you, bodies pressed up against each other, moving slow and gentle and gradually building up... and he wants you to feel like that's love, too. To be honest he gets genuinely sad if you don't see it that way, or if you don't understand it as an expression of love. It seems so natural and innate that being pressed up close together should invoke feelings of love, right?

As for how he understands love as a recipient, well, pretty much the same thing, any sign of eagerness or willingness or especially initiative to fuck sets his brain off. But also, he's weak to any attempts to boost his ego. Say anything positive about him and he'll get excited and let it go to his head, particularly if your words of choice make him feel strong or powerful or capable.

Also speaking of touch, surprisingly big on handholding, especially in public. Sure part of it is a "signaling to others to back off" sort of thing, but he just likes the warmth of your hand as well.

Diluc - touch

It might be a bit surprising, given the stoic nature but... just give this man a hug. Please.

Being inside you is very very nice of course, but he's also notably a cuddly person when you get past the rough exterior. He likes to just sit you in his lap and hold you, spoon you in bed at night, etc.

And as for giving, he doesn't really have knowledge of how to go about other things. He's not good with words at all, he doesn't really know what gifts to get, and despite his affection he's not really submissive enough of a person to go about acts of service, and he's very busy, so while he might get quality time, it's not too often. In the end he doesn't really know how to do anything else, so if he really wants to express affection, the only way he can really think of is just wrapping his arms around you and squeezing. Sometimes a little too hard, like sir I'm asphyxiating please

Also it takes him a while to work up to it. At first he's just too nervous and can barely touch you without retracting his hand back out of nervousness, but he gets used to it.

Razor - quality time, touch

The others are kind of foreign concepts, really. But touch and time is how his kind bond! It's what he's used to. Nuzzling his face into your shoulders and neck and wrapping arms around you and holding you tight. He will often just cling to you physically in some way, holding your wrist in his hand or reaching out to embrace you at random. Of course, sex is a part of it, gotta have that too, it means love to him because he gets the urge whenever he thinks about loving you! And not gonna lie, he tries to remember you don't really like it but, he'll lick you every now and then too. It just comes naturally because he gets excited 'cause he loves you so much!! Lick lick.

Quality time comes in many forms. Every second is quality time in its own way, but especially naps in the sun and walks through the woods. Fun fact: wolf mates go on little "walks" together occasionally, breaking off from the rest of the pack to get alone time. It's fun! You can run through the woods with him! The naps combine the two expressions of touch and time, getting to spend lots of quiet, valuable time, all while snuggled up close. It's nice.

He doesn't really understand if you try to communicate love otherwise, but he'll kind of grasp that it's nice. But really, in the end he wants touch and time too. It's the only form he really understands. The rest just leave him a bit "??" But a nuzzle and a nap in the sun are things he understands perfectly.

Xingqiu - gifts, words of affirmation

The first is more how he shows, the second how he receives. It's a rather selfish form of love, really, because it benefits him as well and it's not exactly difficult. He doesn't have to put a lot of work into gifting, since he can pretty much get anything he asks for out of his father, and even if he says no to something, well, father won't notice a few hundred thousand mora gone from the stash of money kept in his bedroom, right? And he loves giving you gifts because of your reaction! You smile and say thank you and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside... and he likes to think that maybe you feel indebted to him, maybe you're awed and impressed by how he manages to find you such expensive and rare things, maybe it makes you look up to him and see him as superior a bit. Hopefully.

However, because he's got so much wealth already, so gifts don't really do much for him. He responds well to praise, though, especially if you compliment him on the things he cares about, like his sword skills, his writing, his vigilantism. Make him feel like the protagonist he is inside his head, and he'll be beaming with pride and happiness, it makes him feel important, which translates to feeling loved.

Chongyun - quality time, acts of service

In particular, he likes to have you around when he's training. You don't have to train yourself, just be by his side. It makes him more motivated, so he's noticed. Not to mention, he likes showing off if possible to impress you.

Also, he likes having someone to vent to. He's a sweet boy, but he has his stressors and frustrations. He's used to strict self-discipline and normally refrains from talking about his feelings too much, but if you make him feel like your presence is a safe place for him to come to, he will end up almost becoming dependent on getting to emotionally unload on you every day, recalling all the details of every bad thing that happened and waiting for your soft comfort.

Here, "acts of service" is more like... consideration. Little moments where he's reminded you remember his needs and care about them. You make food and note that you made it especially free of anything hot, just for him! Or you make his little popsicles when he forgets, you help him deal with the damage and destruction of his most recent episode. Little acts like that make him feel appreciated, loved and cared for.

Childe - acts of service

Similar to Kaeya and touch, acts of service is... yeah it's basically sex. It falls more into the category of acts of service because it's a little different in nature from Kaeya's -- he loves normal sex of course, and cuddles are nice too, but in his mind really loving him is about taking initiative and doing things to him... in other words, to translate that in simple terms... blow him. Please. It would make him the happiest man in the world. Or ride him. Just anything that feels like you taking some initiative and making him feel wanted. ...And making him feel worshipped is nice too, getting you down on your knees in front of him or any act of service and submission gives him a sort of high from the ego boost and masculine validation.

And he's similar with how he expresses it himself. Most likely candidate to eat you out against your will. One infuriating and potentially humiliating thing about him is he's one of the most insistent to ensure you cum every single time, if you don't cum from him fucking you he'll just force your legs open and eat you out or shove his fingers into you until you do. Because he loves you and orgasms equate to love in his mind.

Venti - acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts

It's more on the giving end for him -- specifically, he can be a very sappy individual when he's in love, to a point it's nauseating to the people around you, really. But he spends a lot of time writing you poems and songs. To him, song is one of the utmost powerful expressions of love. It sort of combines the service and words -- the writing itself is a labor of love, but the words are filled with praises. He genuinely spends a lot of time on it, though, and it's really important to him that you like the things he makes and plays for you, and will continuously modify his next pieces to what he perceives as your taste. He's a bit of a perfectionist on stuff like that.

Venti is actually rather shy when it comes to receiving love. He tends to be very no, you don't have to do that for me! And things like gifts can make him feel a bit guilty, so... you just have to give him stuff he likes so much he's too busy indulging to feel guilt. Namely alcohol. He gets a bit red in the face, but, deep down he likes words of affirmation and compliments too, even the lightest of sweet words he'll replay in his head over and over for days after you say them.

Bennett - acts of service

One of the quickest ways to endear yourself to him is the simple act of helping him. This can manifest in several ways, such as healing his wounds when he's all scraped up or just come back from an adventure, helping him patch up his clothes that get ripped so much, helping him find some thing he lost in the woods yet again, or following him on one of said adventures. People don't really have him in mind too often, he tends to get forgotten a lot and left to handle things all on his own, and as a result, someone who reaches out to help him has a significant impact on him, he finds himself unable to stop thinking about it and the warm feeling it gives him to know that someone cares.

As a result, he starts basically mimicking the same behaviors because it's all he really knows how to do. He wants to give you the same warm happiness that you give him, so he tries to help you out with the things you need, complete tasks he knows would be helpful to you. Unfortunately for him, this tends to backfire as something usually goes wrong and it turns into a mess that he fears will just make you hate him. Poor baby.

Albedo - quality time

He's one of those people that really loves to just spend time in the presence of the people he loves -- you don't have to be doing something together, or the same thing. Even if you're just reading a book or drawing or something on your own, he likes you to be nearby him. It's kinda cute how if you go wandering off or go into another room, he'll wait a minute, then silently kinda come peeking around the corner to check on you because?? Why did you leave? Did he do something to upset you? He's too proud to explicitly ask you to come back, but he might blatantly follow you to the room you're in, claiming it's just better lighting in here, or the other room was too cold, or some other excuse.

He still likes doing things with you, though, too. Another favorite is late night conversations, the kind you get into once you're already laying in bed in the dark, pressed against each other and mumbling little thoughts that occur to you before you drift off to sleep, questions about tomorrow, or a hey remind me to do this or that, that sort of thing. Little conversations you never really finish, your voices get softer and sleepier with each moment, you eventually close your eyes as you talk back and forth, until one of you eventually doesn't get a response, and then drifts off themselves.... and in the morning neither of you remember who was the last person to speak or what the conversation was even about in the end.

Xiao - touch

He just doesn't... get much else. Words are hard. He doesn't know whether this or that gift or gesture is considered appropriate to present to a human as  sign of love, and those kinds of things, words and gifts and stuff, embarrass him too much... and he doesn't every really know whether or not he's correct when interpreting your actions and words either. How does he know the gift isn't just because you wanted to be nice, or that the nice things you said were just meant mildly, and he's just indulging in wishful thinking when he thinks it means more? Ugh. It's too troublesome to have to deal with.

But touch... it's straightforward and easy and impossible to misunderstand. And it's also objectively the best, he thinks, even without the issues in understanding it's just what he feels the most natural urge towards. Why would anyone do any differently? Why do humans waste their time giving each other gifts and compliments and stuff when they could just do the thing that feels so much better than that other stuff? It confuses him. He doesn't want material goods, he just wants to cuddle you and put his dick in you. Yeah it... also translates to sex here, similar to Kaeya. Like, he likes it when you kiss his forehead and snuggle up close, but those things will inevitably result in wanting more. And he loves the rests you two take, half-asleep soundly wrapped up and bodies pressed close, spooning with his arms latched onto you. It's just that said rests/naps are almost always very much naked due to being after cumming in you a few times.

Scaramouche - acts of service, words of affirmation, touch

I mean, you're kinda forced into the acts of service thing, but the idea is that you start to perform said acts willingly, or without needing to be commanded. Eventually you get to where you do things on your own initiative, and he likes to think maybe you just want to (and not because you've been beaten into doing it so many times it's become instinctive, definitely not that). A lot of it is just tasks, but similar to Childe's acts of service, it's definitely a sex thing too, wants you to show initiative and do things on your own -- not that you won't likely get told not to do shit like that without permission, but he still does like it, internally.

Words of praise are similar. Say anything nice about him and he'll probably accuse you of lying or trying to manipulate him/get something, but deep down he kinda thrives on anything positive you have to say or think about him. Not that you'd ever know.

As for how he actually shows love, well... does... he...? Yes actually, primarily it's a touch thing. Not always pleasant touches, but touches. It's similar to how other yans equate different things with love, like Childe sees orgasms as a form of love, to him possession is the utmost expression of "love" in the sense that he perceives it. Possession, to own a thing completely and entirely, to have full power over something... that sort of connection is incredibly intimate, when you think about it. It's a connection on a deep level, it's loving. So anything that expresses possession -- pleasant or unpleasant for you -- is thus an expression of love.

[catxsnow]

FIVE TIMES DICK GRAYSON HUGS

Request: How about ideas about hugs and cuddles from Dick? Fluff is an important part of a balanced fandom after all

Warning: fluff, mentions of sex but pg, mentions of blood

A/N: A little bit of a different layout but soft nonetheless 

Word Count: 2.2k

i) Dick Grayson in the mornings

Dick always has trouble getting up in the morning. He doesn't like the bright sunlight breaking through his blinds or the loud crashes of his neighbors from getting ready in the mornings. Sleep always calls for him the moment his alarm goes off and he despises the idea of actually having to get out of bed.

He finds himself grabbing at any excuse just to stay a few moments longer. Maybe a 'I showered last night I don't need to this morning' or 'I'll make coffee at home today so I don't have to wait in line'. Any little thing to be able to sleep in for just five more minutes.

It's even more impossible when you're staying with him. He finds himself turning off his alarm only to roll over and snuggle into you. Big arms wrapped around you, legs tangled. He's got the most ridiculous bedhead in the world but god is it adorable on him. Dick's still half asleep and he can't even bring himself to leave a kiss on your cheek.

More times than not he falls back asleep again. It's hard not to when the love of his life is asleep in his arms. However, he often gets in trouble too. Showing up late for work or getting an angry phone call from Bruce or the team that he's not there.

It's impossible to get him off of you too when he's sleepy. Dick becomes completely dead weight and half his body is always on top of yours. Waking him is just as hard. Once he's asleep somewhere he feels safe, he's not getting back up. Mumbles in his mornings voice, squeezing you tighter, he's completely adorable when he's trying to sleep.

“Just a couple more minutes baby.”

Dick likes to blame the reason he gets stuck in bed so often on you - but truth is that's all on him. He's always struggled to get up in the morning and after long nights of being a hero, it doesn't help.

ii) Dick Grayson coming home from a long day

It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, if he's had a terrible day at work, he's swooping you up and carrying you to bed. He doesn't do that very often, only when he's on the verge of a breakdown. So, when he does pull a little stunt like that, you know that he's upset.

“I missed you today, my love.”

He pours his heart out during those times. Venting to you about his issues, his feelings, how frustrated he is that he can't change what's happened. It's heartbreaking to see him like this because he's trying so hard to keep himself together when he's clearly breaking at the seams.

Dick doesn't want you to see him when he's vulnerable and weak like this. He's always supposed to be the strong one. He's supposed to be the one who always knows what to do, who's always going to have a plan. Truth was, he couldn't be that person - at least not all the time. On the days that he couldn't, he looked to you for answers.

He'd find himself wanting you to encase him completely. Dick's safe in your arms, no matter the situation. He knows that this is the time that he can truly break down and you'll always accept him. There's nothing that he ever needs to worry about when he's with you.

Blankets mountain over you both. Dick's got his head on your chest, sometimes your stomach when he's curled up even more than usual. When he's in his bad moods, it's like he needs to hear your heart to remind him that he too is human. He can only handle so much before he snaps. His arms are tight around you, keep you so close that sometimes it's hard to breathe.

In those moments it feels like his hold on you is the only thing keeping him sane, the only thing that's keeping him grounded to earth. Dick has his times where no words can fix his issues, but your actions can. A simple hug, kiss, hand rubbing his back that reminds him that not everything in this world is out to get him.

It's those times that you know to be extra loving with him. Tell him how much you love him, how you adore what he does for this world, how important he is in your life.

iii) Dick Grayson after a night of patrol

Every night, the only thing he has to look forward to is coming back home to you. No matter how many times he gets beaten down, he knows he has to get back up to get home to you. Dick knows you're waiting for him, worried out of your mind as whether or not he'll make it back alive.

So, when he gets back, stripped of his suit and a shower that washes away his dirt and grime of the night, he finally makes his way into bed with you. His body aches from the hits he got, even when he's in the warmth of your bed. He's exhausted by the time he gets home to you, and it's a struggle to even clean himself up.

No matter how tired he is, how sore he is, he always pulls you into his chest to give you a kiss. It's his way of telling you that he's made it home safe, even if he's barely hanging on some days. It's a silent 'I love you' when he can't get the energy to say it out loud.

When he holds you close at night, it's his only way of being able to fall asleep. He doesn't think about the horrors he's seen at night when he's with you, he doesn't think about how much trauma he's been through. All Dick can think about is you, everything that there is about you.

“I’m glad you’re safe and back with me, Dick.” 

“I’ll always come home to you.”

His nightmares don't plague him. He doesn't wake up randomly throughout the night. Being with you lets him be in peace.

When he cuddles you at that point in his day, he envelopes you completely. His arms are tightly wrapped around you so you're flush against his body. Dick nuzzles himself into the crook of your neck and his legs are perfectly lined up behind yours. He's found himself reliant on you to be able to fall asleep.

In the winter, when it gets cold out, Dick just absorbs your body heat. He craves it when he's out as Nightwing. The cold winds bite at his skin and he's consumed with the memory of your body warmth. He hates feeling cold when he knows that he could easily quit early and come back to you.

On some lucky nights - or maybe unlucky if you look at it - when his body is really sore, you'll offer up a massage. Dick can never say no. You'll find yourself sitting on his butt as he lays on his stomach. Scars and wounds lacing the skin on his back and his tense muscle aching for your touch.

Dick falls asleep like that all the time, no matter what. You could be telling him about your day or even he'll be telling you about his and he'll fall asleep mid-sentence. He wakes up refreshed every time you offer to do it for him, and more times than not he'll always find a way to repay you back.

iv) Dick Grayson on rainy days.

He loves having rainy days with you. Not necessarily rainy days - but the kind of days that he gets to be free of worry from the outside world and just focus on you. Hours upon hours that he gets to relax, often for the first time in months. Those days always seem like a blessing to him, especially when he gets to spend them with you.

Watching movies where he gets to cuddle you on the couch. The both of you laying on your sides. Dick's pressed against the back of the couch with his arms tightly around you so that you don't fall off the edge. He leaves annoying (adorable) little kisses at the back of your neck and a lot of the time tickles your sides.

Or you'll be in the kitchen, baking cookies or brownies, or whatever Dick wanted that day. He's always standing behind you, arms around you and chin resting on your shoulder. His eyes are glued to your movements, adoring how you can make something so mundane so beautiful at the same time.

On days that the rain is pouring outside, Dick will drag you outside - whether it be a balcony, a rooftop, to just the streets. He's got you out in the freezing cold where the rain is soaking your clothes and your clinging onto him for any remnants of body heat.

Dick wants to give you that cheesy, cliche, kiss in the rain. He wants to hold you, to kiss you, to tell the whole world how grand his love is for you. Hands cupping your cheeks, lips molding perfectly to yours. He can feel the drops of rain slipping between you, but it's never enough to get him to pull away. The cold ignites through his body but the warmth of your kiss, your touch, everything there is to you is enough to pull you back in for more.

“You’re an idiot.” 

“I’m your idiot.” 

Dick spends the rest of the day clinging to you - or more so the other way around. It's his fault that you're frozen to the core and he's going to be the one to fix it. He doesn't mind, not when it gives him the opportunity to just be closer with you.

v) Dick Grayson after sex

He can't get enough of you. Dick Grayson can never find a way to express his love completely. No words, no action, nothing in this world would ever be enough to show how vast his love is. Out of breath, sweat covering his skin, he'd still pull you in for more kisses, more time to show you that he loved you.

Sometimes Dick would have an arm tucked behind his head, the other stroking back and forth along your back. He loves post-sex cuddles with you. He's still on a high with you, absorbing your activities with a smile on his face.

His entire focus is on you. Kissing you, loving you. He's checking to make sure that he didn't hurt you in any way. Dick Grayson becomes the most caring person towards you - more than his usual self. His sole priority is making sure that you feel loved, safe, and happy.

Laying on your sides, facing each other and just talking about anything and everything are his favourite moments. He can't keep his hands off you - in a non-sexual way. Cupping your cheek, drawing into your arm, watching the goosebumps roll against his skin as the cold starts to fill you both.

A smile never leaves his cheeks. Not for a second. How could he when his entire view is focused on you? He's sneaking in for a kiss at every chance he gets - and when he's not his hands are on you. They're playing with your fingers as you talk or brush against your body.

“How did I get so lucky with you?” 

Cuddles with him after sex always seem more intimate than the moment itself. He gets the opportunity to talk about his heart's desires or his fears. He feels like it's his prime moment to be able to express anything that he's been feeling because it's when you're most willing to open up too.

It's a time of reflection. For some reason, these conversations always come up after your most intimate moments. It's the concept of growing together, not separately or apart. His future is you, it's always been you, and he's making sure that you both want it to stay that way.

Bonus: Surprise Hug

Getting home early from a mission or managing to sneak away to see you even just for couple minutes, he loves to surprise you with a hug from behind. You’ve learned by now how his body molds to yours, the calming scent of his cologne as he gets close to you - it’s never a worry who’s hugging you because you know his touch by heart. 

He loves to hear the joy in your voice when he shows up. The excitement that you get just for making the effort to show up for even a few minutes in the middle of the day or a couple hours early getting home. There’s nothing better than the warmth that spreads in his heart because of you. 

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[cosmicjoke]

Alright, up through chapters 111 and 112 of SnK!

First, I just have to say a few things about Eren here and what a massive dick he was to Armin and Mikasa.  It’s hard as hell not to be pissed at Eren here, even knowing that he was trying to push his two best friends away in an attempt to keep them out of harm, and part of that is because, given what Eren later confesses to Armin, about not knowing what he was doing during this scene, I don’t think the way he treats them here IS entirely to protect them.  Armin says after the whole confrontation that Eren’s the one who’s a slave, specifically he says “You’re a slave too, and your master’s a worthless bastard.”  Eren has the gall to get offended by this, after he just spent the last however many minutes telling Armin and Mikasa both that they’re pathetic slaves with no will of their own.  But the important part here is what Armin says.  He’s referring, I think, to all of Eren’s worst traits as a human being.  He’s telling Eren that he’s let himself become a slave to the worst parts of his personality, the parts that want to hurt others, that finds gratification in hurting others.  That he’s letting himself be dictated by those ugliest, cruelest parts of himself.  I think part of Eren’s tirade against Armin and Mikasa was based very much in his honest feelings, those feelings of anger and hatred towards his best friends being born out of his own insecurity about himself.  He tells Armin that his constant attempts to “talk” are pathetic and worthless, and that Mikasa is only strong because of experiments conducted on the Ackerman bloodline.  Essentially, Eren is trying his very best here to strip away both Armin’s and Mikasa’s own merit, and cast their strengths and abilities in a negative light, treating those strengths as either weaknesses or as something unearned, some sort of freak accident of birth.  Eren goes particularly hard after Mikasa, trying to make her exceptional abilities seem somehow lesser or unimpressive because they’re only a byproduct of experiments done to other Ackerman’s over the centuries.  This smacks terribly to me of Eren taking out his own physical shortcomings on Mikasa and Armin both, blaming them for his own weakness.  Eren taunts Armin later while he beats the hell out of him, telling him they’ve never fought because it never would have been a “fair fight”, as if Eren himself was ever any kind of exceptional fighter.  It’s made a point of again and again early in the series that Eren isn’t particularly special or gifted in anything he does.  He isn’t a good fighter, he isn’t especially smart, he isn’t especially skilled.  But here we have him flaunting himself over Armin, as if Eren was ever some sort of uber bad-ass fighter who could destroy any opponent with ease.  It really does just come across as crippling insecurity on Eren’s part, on him acting out his self-loathing and insecurity in himself on his friends.  It’s really one of Eren’s lowest moments in the whole series, and especially because it doesn’t particularly feel like he doesn’t entirely mean it.  I think he does, to some extent.  

Anyway, okay, I also want to talk a little about Levi and how he reacts to the news of the Yagerists taking over the military, and Zeke’s involvement.  

What really strikes me here is Levi’s reaction to Pixis’ and the MPs plan to feed Eren to someone else, to give them the Founder.  Levi says to hell with that plan, and it’s really interesting to me, because this shows two things about Levi and how he regards Eren at this point.  It isn’t that he feels betrayed by Eren that Levi has his internal monologue about all his comrades dying in the line of duty while protecting Eren, it’s because he’s thinking about how all of those people died to protect Eren, only for the military to then turn around and render all of those sacrifices utterly meaningless by deciding to just feed Eren to whoever they choose.  A recurring and vital theme for Levi’s character throughout SnK is that he can’t abide meaningless death.  The thought of anyone dying or suffering in any way without reason, for Levi, is one of the worst things that can happen.  Pointless, meaningless death is a travesty to him.  And by deciding to just kill Eren then and there, to feed him to someone else, the military is basically shitting all over the deaths and sacrifices of an innumerable amount of Levi’s friends and comrades, essentially declaring those sacrifices null and void and pointless.  All these people will have died, it turns out, for nothing.  That’s why Levi calls the current situation they’re in a “farce”, because it’s made a joke out of all those lives lost.  And it’s why Levi won’t stand for it.  He refuses to let it happen, instead deciding it’s Zeke who should be fed to someone.  It must be more galling to Levi than just about anything, that these MPs, who never lifted a finger or sacrificed anything in order to fight for humanity’s survival have now taken it upon themselves to decide that all that effort, all those lives lost, all those morals compromised, all that blood gotten on the hands of the SC members for the betterment of humanity, meant nothing and was never necessary, that they’ll just kill Eren without any input or say from those people that sacrificed so much to keep Eren alive all this time.  And it’s not just the lives lost, like Mike’s, or Nanaba’s, or Nifa’s, or Erwin’s, or any of the other hundreds of SC’s members that died while protecting Eren, but also people like Jean and Armin having to get blood on their hands, going against their moral codes and now living with the burden of having taken lives, or Dimo Reeves essentially giving his life to protect Eren and Historia.  There’s any number of smaller sacrifices, on top of the lives lost, they’ve all made in order to protect Eren, because they all believed him to be essential to humanity’s future, that he was one of them, and could be relied on and believed in to always hold true to the ideals of the SC, to fight for humanity’s salvation.    The military’s decision to just kill Eren throws that belief back in the faces of the SC.  

I think, also, it’s interesting, because Levi’s still holding here to the possibility that Eren hasn’t betrayed them all.  He’s still showing that he believes in Eren, even as that belief is being strained and tested by everything that’s happening.  That Levi doesn’t just immediately wash his hands of Eren here, and say “Yeah, kill him.”, shows also that he still WANTS to believe in Eren, that all the hopes they put in him weren’t unfounded or for naught.  Even as he acknowledges that he doesn’t know if Eren is being controlled by Zeke or not, he still wants to give him the benefit of the doubt.  It shows that he still cares about Eren as a comrade and a friend.  He holds no such ties to Zeke, who’s done nothing but cause him pain and misery, and so Levi’s solution here makes sense.  Feed Zeke to one of the Yaegerists, then, after Historia gives birth, if she’s still willing, let her consume the Beast Titan.  Levi’s trying here to avoid killing Eren, both because he can’t bear the thought that all those people died for nothing, and also because he still feels loyalty and friendship towards Eren, which speaks to the depth of Levi’s dedication as a friend, honestly.  

Also, we get to see Levi’s suspicion of Zeke’s story about how and why he turned the people of Ragako into Titan’s validated, when it’s revealed that he lied about his spinal fluid, if consumed by Eldian’s, freezing them up.  The guy really is just a straight up liar.  And that particular deception of Zeke’s is what leads to the tragedy of what happens next, turning Levi’s comrades into Titans.  Like I said in my previous post, I think Levi was trying to genuinely glean if Zeke really was as heartless and uncaring as he appeared, trying to understand if there was some understandable reason behind his actions, and that he came the conclusion from reading Zeke’s tone, words and body language (just like Erwin says about Levi’s ability to see the true nature of man), that there isn’t any real humanity in Zeke at all.  And of course, what Zeke does here only proves that beyond any sort of doubt.  

Levi’s declaration here that he isn’t going to let Zeke dictate things any longer is Levi being fed up with these mind games and manipulations.  He’s known all this time that Zeke has been stringing them along, lying to them, using them, all with some ulterior motive and plan in waiting, even as he couldn’t know the details of those things, and Levi knows if he waits any longer to take Zeke out, things are going to reach a point of no return.  Levi’s instincts here are right, and have been from the start, but because he was beholden to the chain of command, he couldn’t act.  It’s the pussyfooting around that the military’s done up to this point, their indecision and fear, to trust Zeke, but also to have the balls to move against Zeke completely, that’s lead to things getting so out of hand.  Tragically, Levi’s decision here comes too late.  But man, he was ready to take matters into his own hands finally.  Someone should��ve listened to him sooner about Zeke.  They should’ve just killed his ass the second they had him on the island.

[violentviolette]

So I was on your fandom blog and I saw that you believe Bakugou (at least in assuming) to have ASPD. Is wondering if you could expand on that? I personally see him as NPD but I'd love to hear your side of things

first off anon bless u for being on my fandom blog that takes courage cause it’s a wicked hot mess over there lol and secondly to everyone else yes im about to spend an embarrassing amount of effort overanalyzing an anime man, no u shouldn’t apply this logic to diagnosing real people u don’t know or urself, no its not that deep but yes u can fuck right off if u wanna cry about me headcanoning ur favs with “shitty” illnesses. eat my dick.

But now down to the good shit! So I actually think bakugou has comorbid aspd/npd. But for this since u said u already see him as having npd I’ll just focus on the aspd criteria but im totally down to talk more about npd as well if u wanna. (the rest is under a cut because frankly mobile users would have drawn and quartered me otherwise)

So first im gonna go thru the dsm v criteria that are required for diagnosis that bakugou fits/exhibits (leaving out the few things that don’t pertain to him just for length and also because not every person has to fit every single criteria to qualify)

1. Significant impairments in personality as manifested by

a. identity (self esteem derived from power, pleasure, or personal gain), self direction (goal setting based on personal gratification, absence of prosocial standards and culturally normal ethical behavior)

katsukis entire sense of self is built upon his ability to “win” and to always be number one and come out on top. He absolutely cant stand to be viewed as less than that because if so, his entire sense of self begins to crumble. Part of the reason he’s so antagonistic towards Izuku in the early chapters is the fact that Izuku challenges that identity. He (unintentionally and intentionally) challenges katsuki and wont give way to him (which is the right thing to do, but we see how “well” katsuki handles that). He also doesn’t have a good sense of “prosocial standards.” katsuki has created his own internal sense of morals and values, he’s decided whats worth his time and effort based on his own opinions and not on what society deems worthwhile behavior. He’s constantly getting admonished that his attitude “isn’t that of a hero” because his values are different than the ones of the society around him. But he doesn’t care, as long as he “wins” then everythings good. And its not until he stops “winning” and his behavior begins to get in the way of his goals does he begin to realize that he has a problem.

b. impairments in interpersonal functioning as manifested by lack of empathy (lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others) and lack of intimacy (incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, use of dominance or intimidation to control others)

I could frankly write a whole essay about just this bit alone but I’ll try to condense my thoughts. So. Lets talk about katsukis lack of empathy. This boy wouldn’t know another person’s emotions if they walked up and punched him in the face. Which they do. On multiple occasions. But I digress. Katsuki is known for his shitty bedside manner, his lack of concern for the feelings of others is literally what cost him his provisional license, but aside from with Izuku (who we’ve established is a source of Baggage for katsuki and shouldn’t be counted among his normal behavior because at the start of the series they BOTH bring out the worst in one another and overcoming that is part of both of their character arcs and growth and a main theme of the damn story. Win and save. Save and win. Ahem. But again I digress) katsuki isn’t vindictive or cruel in an unnecessary way about other peoples emotions. He doesn’t use them against people, it just doesn’t occur to him that they exist. But as we see katsuki grow and begin to try and change his unhealthy behavior, we see that he’s not oblivious of others emotions in the same way todoroki is (who I headcanon as autistic along with izuku (who also has adhd), but that’s a whole nother post lol), he just doesn’t know what to do with them. He can handle things like kirishima feeling insecure, because he can logically talk to him about how strong he is to encourage and support him, but really struggles with more intimate and open forms of emotional support, like with Izuku.

He also struggles with forming prosocial bonds and friends. At the start of the series katsuki doesn’t have friends, he has lackeys he controls with intimidation and fear because he doesn’t know any other way to be. He has trust and intimacy issues and doesn’t like people getting too close to him because he feels displays of vulnerability are what makes someone weak (see those asocial morals and values we talked about earlier). After his time at UA, a few large helpings of some humble pie, and the diligent and hard work of a small group of fearless idiots (aka kaminari whose literally too prosocial for his own good and has zero self preservation instincts, and kirishima who has an endless supply of patience and understands empathy and other peoples emotions to a degree that’s baffling to me) he is able to start deconstructing that idea and realizing that u can be vulnerable and let people close to u and still be strong. That the mortifying ordeal of being known isn’t actually the worst things ever. Also that when confronted with people who aren’t actually afraid of him, he doesn’t know how else to deter them from getting close to him. The fact that none of the other kids in 1-A take katsukis shit and even go so far as to pick on him and mock him and call him out on his bullshit is a MAJOR turning point for his socialization skills.

2. pathological personality traits in the following catagories

a. antagonism, characterized by hostility (persistent and frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults, nasty mean vengeful behavior), callousness (lack of concern for the feelings and problems of others)

I mean. Do I even have to expand on this point? I feel like no

b. disinhibition, characterized by impulsivity (acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli, acting without a plan or consideration for outcomes, difficulty establishing and following plans), risk taking (lack of concern for ones limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger, engaging in potentially risky and self-damaging activities without regard for consequences)

this is a criteria where u have to adjust for the world these characters are living in. but even then, by hero standards, katsuki is still impulsive. His teachers are constantly admonishing him in the early series for charging headfirst into a situation, loosing himself to his emotions and anger, and letting things get the better of him because hes not taking the time to properly assess the situation, this also bleeds into katsukis inability to work with others or ask for help. He charges headfirst into a situation by himself, blows up anything in his way, and then asks questions later. His teammates are often left totally in the dark to his plans, motives, or other moves and have to just play catch up to him the entire time. In the deku vs. kacchan 1 fight we see this behavior come out in full force. He has no plan, he blows up half the building with zero regard for their goals, and leaves iida completely in the dark. Momo pointing this all out and dragging him for filth during the recap is another wakeup moment for him, having to confront the realities of his impulsive and negative behavior whereas before he was only praised for it.

so if we take a look at even just that, which is still about ¾ of the diagnostic criteria, I think u can see where this really starts to explain his personality. Katsuki is hot headed, angry, impulsive, stubborn, selfish, he gets in his own way more often than not, he struggles with prosocial behavior, making friends, and relating emotionally to others. He has a hard time comforting people and usually does so in a blunt and logical way, he isn’t great at sympathy and being soft, kind, or gentle with other people. It takes a considerable amount of effort for him to realize where his world view and his morals and goals are warped and doing him more harm than good, and he absolutely cant stand to be vulnerable or honest about his feelings with others. 

All those things, imo, as someone with aspd & npd, are what make me feel like hes a good character representation of what the complexities of living with these disorders is like. Katsuki isn’t inherently a bad person, and as we see him grow and change, we see the ways in which hes becoming better, but its still hard for him. And despite what a lot of fandom thinks, if u look at the canon, the main person katsuki hurts with his behavior is himself. And I think that’s really important because people with aspd & npd are so often catagorized as abusive villians whose only goal in life is to hurt others. Whereas with katsuki we see where these things and this kind of thinking gets in the way of his goals and ultimately hurts him. and thats what I think makes him the most relatable and makes his growth all the much more satisfying. Katsuki is both fundamentally the same and an entirely different person from when we first meet him. his personality didn’t magically completely change, hes not just a tsundere whose suddenly all mushy feely and hyper empathetic, he’s just learning how to deal with his emotions and the world and getting better at being a healthy person.

So yea, those are my thoughts! There was apparently a whole 1600 words of them so my apologies for writing u a literal dissertation on this lol I just really love this fucking character

[fantasyfandommaiden]

Octo-Counsellor AU: Bombay

Mollusk didn’t know what to expect when Chat Noir asked to speak to both himself and Ladybug that evening, the young hero never really made a formal request to speak to both of them at the same time so the teacher found it odd… and he certainly hadn’t expected to hear about Chat Noir (aka Adrien Agreste) getting a magic teacher!

For @miraculously-quality-content

~~~~~~ 

It was early evening in the city of Paris, the sun having just set across the city skyline, and the lights from both the Eiffel Tower, and surrounding areas turning off, showing its citizens why Paris is known around the world as ‘The City of Lights’. Atop the Eiffel Tower, three figures stood, speaking to each other about a matter that one feline superhero felt was of great importance to share. 

“So… you have a magic teacher, and she knows your identity?” Ladybug said slowly. Chat had done his best to explain the situation surrounding himself and his new ‘magic teacher’ without going TOO deep into secret identity territory for both himself and his teacher, and had done a fairly decent job. 

“She doesn’t want you guys to know her identity though… We run in similar circles and are seen with each other often, so she's afraid you will figure out who she is…” Chat said truthfully. At least somewhat truthfully.

Technically speaking, Mlle Carmine wasn’t in the exact SAME social circle as Adrien. While Adrien’s family was considered upper class, Mlle Carmine would be more Middle class. Also their professions (that of a student/model and a counsellor) didn’t lead to them actually being SEEN with each other that often. Regardless , Adreien knew that he had to do everything in his power to keep Mlle Carmine’s identity safe. 

Both Ladybug and Mollusk had mixed feelings about this. Secret identities were a thing for a reason after all, but at the same time they understood where Chat was coming from. Both Ladybug and Mollusk had people outside of the mask who knew their identities afterall. For Ladybug it was Master Fu. For Mollusk, his wife… as well as the school counsellor but that was a different story. 

“What's to stop her from revealing your secret?” the spotted heroine asked as she looked at her partner. 

“Mutual destruction.” Chat stated in a serious tone “if she reveals my identity, I can easily out her as a mage to all of Paris, which will get her into big trouble.”

“... and you trust this person?” Mollusk asked cautiously, looking at Chat Noir with a serious expression. Chat nodded enthusiastically, grinning widely, and really, that was enough for the hero. 

“She's amazing… I mean, my care takers try their best, but there is only so much they can do before my parents get wind of it and they can land in some serious hot water if they find out…” Chat said softly, his fawx cat ears dropping to lay flat against his head. 

Mollusk of course knew that Chat was referring to Nathalie and Gorilla, and even though Gabriel was a dick, he seemed to be… improving? Or maybe he was just hopeful. If Adrien had found someone to confide in outside of the mask though, that was wonderful for him, and he certainly wasn’t going to stop it. He could also respect the want to remain anonymous, and he intended to respect it. 

“But if she is a mage, and teaching you magic to help, shouldn’t Master Fu meet her so she knows what kind of magic to teach you…?” Ladybug began to ask, clearly just trying to be helpful, but stopped when both she and Mollusk noticed Chat Noir wince at the suggestion of them meeting. 

“Um… She wants nothing to do with Master Fu.” Chat Noir stated, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean… I’ll admit, I ranted to her a bit about him, but I brought up a lot of his good points, but she disagrees strongly with some of  his teachings, as well as… other things…” he trailed off, not wanting to get into the favouritism that the Master was showing towards Ladybug. 

Mollusk suddenly had a DEEP respect for this woman… this woman named… named…

“Chat, what’s her name?” Mollusk asked, raising a brow, giving the boy a way out which he gladly took. 

He grinned widely, almost bouncing in place “Okay, so, since she doesn’t want for her identity to be revealed, she agreed that I could make up a fake name for her! So from now on, whenever I talk about her, I will refer to her as ‘Kiki’!”

Ladybug and Mollusk looked at him with deadpanned expressions, expecting nothing less from the felined superhero.

~~~~~~

Lucifer had stayed true to his statement. He had no intention of meeting this ‘Kiki’ person, and made a conscious effort to never think ‘I wonder if this person is Adrien’s magic teacher?’

Then Princess Ice appeared… Mollusk and Ladybug were having difficulty with this one, what with her making every surface they stepped on turn into pure ice, where was Chat Noir? Lucifer knew that Adrien had been in school that day, if a bit quiet, but he had assumed he was just tired from an early morning photoshoot!

Mollusk watched in horror as Princess Ice took aim at Ladybug, who attempted to jump out of the way but both heros knew she wouldn’t be able to avoid the blow and Mollusk wouldn’t be fast enough, but he had to try!  

“Ladybug!” Mollusk screamed as he bolted towards his student, only to see a black blur leap down scope Ladybug up and jump away. Looks like Chat was fashionably late, but better late than never. 

On pure instinct, Mollusk followed the two roughly two blocks away from the akuma, landing in an alleyway only for his blood to run cold as Ladybug jumped away from the person who had been holding her. This person was wearing the Cat Miraculous… but the person was not Chat Noir.

The woman wearing the Cat Miraculous stood a fair bit taller than both Ladybug and Mollusk, however even without the heeled boots Mollusk could tell she was tall. The black boots went all the way up to her thighs, and had green soles and piping along the top of them. A tail similar to Chat’s was wrapped around her waist, but lacked the buckles, and she had no bell around her neck. Similar to her boots, her black gloves also went all the way up to her bicep with the green piping on the top, and sharp claws at the end of each finger. She had long, wavy brown hair done up in a high ponytail, with her two faux cat ears twitching as if listening for the akuma, and dark green almost black lipstick across her lips. 

The strangest thing however was probably her mask, which was shaped more like Viperions, and although the sclera of her eyes were still that iconic acid green colour and her pupils were slit like cats, her irises themselves were a bright, piercing amber colour. 

“Before you start…” the woman began, but Ladybug beat her to the punch.

“Where's Chat?! Where's my partner?! What have you done with him?!” Ladybug all but yelled. 

“Where's. My. Kid.” Mollusk accused in a deadly serious voice. If this lady honestly thought she could take Adrien’s Miraculous, she had another thing coming.

The woman however remained calm, looking at both of them with a patient expression. Once she saw they weren’t going to interupt her again, she spoke. “At my home. I’ve done nothing to him. He came to my home so sick that he could barely stand. Plagg and I decided that the best course of action would be for me to step in for this one” she replied calmly, before looking at Mollusk with an equally deadly serious gaze. “And he’s MY kid too.”

From those few sentences alone, Mollusk and Ladybug were quick to deduce who this woman was. She knew Chat Noir’s identity, as well as the name of his kwami, who agreed with the woman and was willing to work with her to make sure Chat’s civilian self stayed safe. 

“... Wait, YOUR Kiki?!” 

‘Kiki’ blinked at the name before groaning, face palming as she let her hand slowly slide down her face as she muttered something along the lines of ‘Can’t believe I agreed to let him call me that…’ 

“Yes, I am ‘Kiki’ although I don’t think I should be called that while wearing this.” she said, gesturing to ring on her finger. 

Mollusk looked at the woman in front of her, but for some reason magic or otherwise, could not figure out who she could possibly be. “Is Chat Noir okay?” he asked again, still with a serious tone. 

‘Kiki’ sighed, rubbing her temples “Yes, he is fine. He has a very nasty flu, and is very weak, he should have stayed home and rested today but you both know how stubborn he is. He is with mine and his familiar at my home, resting like he should be. My familiar is ALSO making my great grandmama’s ‘Kick sickness in the ass soup’-” she quickly made a cross over her torso with a closed first before kissing her thumb “May she rest in peace, which will give him a fairly speedy recovery, but as of today, he is in NO condition to fight, so, your stuck with me.”

Ladybug took all this information in, before nodding “Did Plagg explain his powers to you?” 

“Extensively, and I’ve watched the battles on the Ladyblog.” “Do you know how to fight?” Ladybug then asked hesitantly. 

The woman before them grinned widely, Mollusk noting that her fangs appearing longer, giving off the impression of a Cheshire cat. “Oh Ladybug, I have yet to meet someone who can beat me in a fair, or dirty fight, I’ll be fine. What’s the plan?” 

Mollusk looked at the cat heroine before speaking “What will we call you though?”

The woman blinked, glancing in a window to see her reflection before continuing to grin widely, looking at the two as she brought out her baton “Call me ‘Bombay’

[emperor-of-blood]

Aight so I guess I’m doing a session review?/Prediction?/Analysis of how I think @neonwolfeh session might go.

So starting this off with the premise:

It’s a normal session with no specific prototyping fuckery or trolls or whatever. and I got some brief character summaries:

Ross, Heir of Doom: Ross is a jaded, angry guy who just wants to have -One Good Daytm-.

Luca, Rogue of Life: Pretty upbeat, tries to make the best of every situation (and does not succeed). 

Kase, Seer of Rage: Fuckin edgelord, thats p much it. Full of hate and will say slurs. 

Abby, Witch of Hope: Basically a shoujo anime protagonist, awkward and peppy and sweet. 

Odin, Prince of Time: Embodiment of nervousness and jumpiness. This guy needs a nap and a hug.

Niko, Knight of Space: Like Dave Strider if he was as suave as 2012 fanon interpretations said he is.

And now for my takes on them:

So starting off my initial impressions of the session are complete failure, mostly based on one thing. Odin, the Time player. While he sounds decent enough of a guy you have to understand the reason that every session requires a Space and Time player to succeed. Technically speaking, only a Space player is needed to overcome the wall of creating a new universe. The Time player is needed because the game is just that hard. The image I get of Odin is that he won’t be actually doing much Time traveling, likely too weak-minded to believe that he could pull things off. A lot of pressure would be resting on his shoulders and he needs to answer. As I said in my Patrick Star analysis, I believe that he’s going to be wasting a lot of Time. For different reasons here though, he’s still destined to procrastinate. That is likely going to get people in his session killed. Sburb is hard and everyone involved needs to be doing their part to beat the game. 

My analysis doesn’t end with that though. We still have 5 other players to throw into the mix! Moving onto I’d like to talk about the cool cat Niko, the Knight of Space. So inherently here we have a contradictory classpect. The Knight is a protector, in their session they are supposed to cooperate with their Space player to breed The Frogtm. They are meant to be a companion. The Space class is one of solitude, barring their frog breeding partner. Space is a vast domain and both Jade and Kanaya spent most of their time alone. It’s one of their themes. They spend time worried about the bigger picture that with the smaller problems that their teammates deal with. Likely, they are very alone. And that makes me wonder, how much of the “Cool Guy” is real and how much of it is, well, him being lonely? Or a defense mechanism because of that? Keep yourself distant and aloof because that’s where you’re going to end up anyways. No reason for people to get hurt, sort of deal. 

Next I wanna talk about Luca, the Rogue of Life. I imagine her as the kind of person who is peppy to the point that it makes people uncomfortable. Trying to bring Life happiness to all of her friends by being a never ending source of sunshine. Which is all well and good, these types of people are well liked and a party falling into the traps of depression is likely to fail. That being said, I can’t help but believe that her failures come from her unending sunshine. Sometimes people just need to be sad. Life has it’s ups and down and that’s natural. People probably feel exhausted around her, much to her dismay. You must go down to rise back up. I feel like she’s probably Odin’s self proclaimed best friend and also a main source of stress for him. “You can do it!” is encouragement (He probably sees it as empty/naive), not useful advice. Her being unable to see that has got to be one of her personal challenges. She’s not responsible for rewriting everyone’s lives or fixing their problems. Those are not hurdles for her to overcome. I feel like every Rogue has some weird interaction with their aspect. As one who steals Life/steals from Life I don’t think it’s meant to be taken literally. She ain’t sucking out peoples souls. I’d say she maybe has an aura of demoralization for her enemies, kind of like a mental attack? Or it could be something more direct like absorbing Life essence through contact or something. Like a magic drain attack similar to the androids from DBZ or some equivalent. The stealing from Life is maybe... just a literal item teleportation ability? Like an actual Thief Rogue. Beyond that, she can probably bring people back to life once just like every other Life player ever.

Ross the Heir of Doom is, well, kind of a loser. but he doesn’t have to be. His main challenge is going to be realizing that his “One good daytm” isn’t just going to randomly show up. It’s something you have to work for. Once he does, he’ll probably be fine. Weirdly enough the fucking Doom player is likely the most competent out of everyone, which is really funny imo. His powers are uh. Well. One who inherits Doom/is protected by Doom. I’m shooting in the dark here despite there being a canon Heir of Doom. I’d say he maybe influences enemies to fight each other? At least early on during the passive protection phase. Later on once he awakens his powers he might be able to suck “Bad vibes” into himself, weakening his enemies and strengthening himself. That might be leeching into Thief territory but I wouldn’t know what else to say here honestly. Maybe he can fix things? Inheriting the Doom of something and taking the damage into himself? It’s up for debate.

Moving on to Kase, Seer of Rage. The dude’s probably a complete asshole. The kind that you question why you’re even friends with them. Probably racist but also hates people in general and claims that it’s OK because of that. Probably gets along really well with animals because of that too. He’s probably feeding into Odin’s insecurities, which, might actually be helping him stay until he’s really ready to time travel. But that’s not Kase’s intention (Ask him about it afterwards and he’ll claim otherwise forever.). He just want’s to be a dick and thinks being edgy or ironic is cool. As on who understands Rage he’s likely well aware that it can be useful in the right scenarios. Maybe he lets himself get taken by the berserker Rage at just the right moment and come back down afterwards. But he hasn’t really come down. You can’t just have a heart filled with Rage and hate and be a normal person the rest of the time. He can probably tell when it’s time for others to let loose as well. But likely has trouble convincing them. 

Kase and Ross probably get along really well.

Finally, we have Abby, the Witch of Hope. Honestly? She sounds really basic. She’s gotta be the most “Normal” person out of the bunch. Which, when your surrounded by weirdos, is a good thing. Everyone needs someone sane to fall back on and that’s definitely her. I imagine that’s how she manipulates Hope, just giving people some reference, some piece of mind, that they haven’t gone off the deep end. Or maybe that the have and need to rethink things. She’s probably the one that’ll help Odin figure his shit out. Maybe she drafts up a plan of events he should change. Then in the new timeline he seeks out her help again and repeats this until he can do things himself. While I don’t see her as the leader of the party, she is likely the anchor. She also probably will play a bog role in everyone else figuring out their shit too. Telling Ross to shut the fuck up, Kase to man up and do something, Luca to do something productive, Niko to call her when he the loneliness starts getting to him, just to talk. Her challenges likely revolve around realizing how important she is. After all, she’s just a shoujo protag, what can she do? Everyone is out there killing monsters or solving puzzles or hacking their alchemists. Ans she’s just a plain Jane. But that’s what makes her special. Her powers are probably basic hope lasers and maybe being good at giving speeches. 

So with that out of the way how would the actual session go? Well, I think there’s a lot of fighting. I imagine Kase wants to be the leader being the “Only one capable of it” and he’s not exactly wrong. But he’s also insufferable. So it doesn’t matter that he’s competent because nobody wants to listen to him. The only other options are Luca who everyone also likely can’t deal with for extended periods of time for previously stated reasons; or Niko, who is likely to busy with their own shit to also manage the party. So I think everyone has to meet up and decide that it’s probably best for Kase to be leader and that everyone should just agree to follow him and give him some advice where they can. Kase is probably actually competent. He’s likely a bad leader but an even worse follower. I can imagine him just ignoring anyone else as the leader and going off to do his own thing and fucking shit up. With him as the leader, not causing trouble and everyone else in a kind of, secret alliance I guess, the key players are going to be Odin and Abby. Odin needs to be able to fill his role or everyone dies. Simple as that. Abby needs to a) help him figure his shit out if he can’t on his own. And b) help ground everyone else (So they can solve their problems) and keep some semblance of sanity. If they can, there’s a solid shot at victory. If Odin dies before he can Time travel, well, I guess that’s that. There’s a lot of personal challenges to overcome based on a character’s classpect and I think it really comes down to, are these people/characters capable of growth? 

Hopefully the way I viewed the characters was how you wanted but with so little to go on I might have misinterpreted somethings. Either way this was fun!

[thunderheadfred]

Why I Love Spike But Also Hate Him A Lot: an unsolicited essay by me

OR: Why I personally relate to blood-sucking poseurs OR: dude what if I ever got high enough to rewrite season six?

(under a cut because this goes on for a while. also discourse frightens me)

Okay. I’m like twenty years late. But I’ve been rewatching BtVS s5 during my latest depression spiral and wandering against my better judgement into the Spuffy fic verse. Disclaimer that my grasp of the series’ larger canon is meh at best, and frankly I don’t care.

As usual, I have too many thoughts.

Spike is, hands-down, my favorite character on this show. Maybe one of my favorite characters, period. He’s just... good to watch. But listen. Secret poet or no, he was never an inherently good person. Meek and shy does not equal Buffy’s equal. I squirm at this apparently massively popular canon interpretation of his human character as some kind of adorable perfect cherub, as if William the Dipshit Poet is somehow preferable to Spike the Complicated Murderer or like, we should just automatically assume that cute shy white people who lived in 1880 London are default Lawful Good when in fact... ahahaa haaaa YIKES COLONIALISM?

I actually think the reason Spike is “more human” than other vampires (in the weird, contradictory Buffy soul-canon) is exactly because William was not Pure, he was a Pratt. Sweet? I guess. Loves his mum? He’s got that going for him. But that guy?? Is not Buffy’s long-lost true love, not a weepy ghost to be shoved into Spike’s Billy Idol cosplay bod at the last minute. In a show that, at its best, tries to give us a protagonist who fundamentally believes we must always make the choice to keep living mindfully, accountably, and with purpose... we get a love interest who is... Spike. A guy who, until the very end of his arc, acts as though he has zero fucking free will. Even though, through a combo of deliciously fun and inconsistent writing, Spike is apparently the only vampire in the Buffyverse who does.

I’ll get to that but first, let’s accept for a minute that Free Will + Buffy = good, and people who roll over and say “I had no choice” + Buffy = Mr. Pointy. This counts for her friends too, (*coughWILLOWcough*) and it’s one of the reasons I love the show despite its many textual problems. As a character piece, it’s great. People fail to take accountability for their behavior all the time. It’s an extraordinarily human flaw, one that rarely equals automatically evil, and I love that it can bite characters on the side of good, too. But that’s not the point of this, oh shit!

Okay. William, cute glasses aside, has no free will. He didn’t even sign up for the vampire thing, he just wanted to get felt up by a pretty girl who saw him cry and didn’t laugh at him. At every point, he was an immature, weak-willed, naive dreamer type who wanted nothing more than to be validated by his shitty friends. The vampirism made him a killer, yeah. But it also inadvertently gave a cowardly nobody a lot of good qualities. Now he’s a weirdly observant, relentlessly optimistic, fun-loving, sexually secure Cool Guy who gave up poetry for punk... but still tries too hard to impress his shitty friends. Basically, being a vampire made this guy a happier-but-still-undeniably-crappy version of himself, especially... considering all the murder. 

But now, let us transparently and metaphorically link cartoonish Vamp!Murder to addiction. Because wow, death in BtVS is either a manipulative authorial gut-punch or a dumb joke, and either way, it’s almost impossible to take seriously in this show, so let’s not.

How to make a remorseless bloodsucking fiend out of of “boo hoo I’m a bad writer and I wish some jerks thought I was cool?” Ha ha you can’t!  Turns out you basically recreate my early twenties but with more murder. Spike is a socially-dependent ADHD art school reject on a century-long avoidance bender. He’s a codependent, moon-eyed boyfriend who learns how to aggressively project not caring while caring Far Too Much, all while clinging to aesthetic as an identity. ALTHOUGH let us not deny that he 100% enjoyed all the killing - wtf so much killing - because for vampires, killing equals pleasure, and charming, “happy” addicts always justify the comforts of their vices. He talks the talk cuz fitting in is his whole deal, but he’s not actually in it for chaos and destruction or any high-falutin’ evil reason, or even really for eating delicious ladies but because, in the end, it feels good and the only girlfriend he’s ever had thinks eating people is cool. Even his whole (gorgeous, splendid to watch) episode-long speech about killing two slayers was written more for Buffy’s character arc than his; we don’t really know why he killed the slayers other than like, “Because they had a death wish I guess. Side note: it was fun.”

There wasn’t much legitimately vengeful or hateful stuff in sad little William for demon!Spike to work with, and apparently William’s soul-or-whatever moved about twelve inches over his left shoulder and stayed there, occasionally poking him for the next hundred years. So it should shock no one that he immediately switches sides when a) his girlfriend dumps him, b) his addiction suddenly hurts, and c) it’s time to impress a new friend group.

I get that Spike’s whole soul-getting between s6 and s7 has been interpreted in fanon as a grand romantic sacrifice (ehhhhhhhhhhhh) and I get why that’s tempting, but the show itself bungled that up way bad and I just can’t get behind it. R*pe idiocy aside, making it ultimately all about Buffy just kinda cheapens what could have been a really fucking powerful redemption arc, one that would have led to a far more satisfying love story. Especially from Buffy’s perspective. 

Okay listen.

We have a guy who has been playing the “duh, Vampire!” card for a century, pleasure-seeking and self-centered, pandering to various peer groups, murderous or otherwise, a happy addict, impervious to change. So when finally, after a HUNDRED SODDING YEARS of being a soulless, hilarious dick, Spike has consequences shoved into his gray matter by the government, he doesn’t change. At all. He just starts obsessing over another woman, doing what he thinks she wants. A woman he thinks will give him new pleasures, a new, perpetually fine status quo. But this woman is Buffy, whose identity is rock solid even though her life is constantly full of challenge and change and choices. She “rewards” Spike only when he makes willful, selfless decisions. And the rewards aren’t romantic, either. Not early on. Even in canon, she keeps rejecting him over and over again, for crystal clear reasons. Thank god. Because when he accepts that she’ll never have him, but still does the hard stuff anyway, he’s unwittingly starting to change. It’s not just Buffy. Buffy demands real personhood. Independence. Identity. Choice. 

Uh oh. She’s gotten to him, then. Though it starts out selfish, he still makes a CHOICE. Quite literally, he takes on the pain of self-improvement - first by embracing the consequences of his chip, later by going on his fancy sparkly soul quest. Buffy is the catalyst, no doubt, because once a poet always a poet and girls are pretty, but Spike’s path to improvement (if not redemption) was already there, laid out nice and neat. His narrative low point, the lightbulb moment that makes him want a soul again, should never have come out of a season of terrible backsliding, culminating in the shower scene we all regret.

It should have been The Gift. 

Death isn’t Buffy’s gift. It’s love. And not that simpering, easy kind of love that just says, “there there,” but the hard, truthful love that makes you want to keep getting that goddamn rock from the bottom of the hill. Yes, Spike’s arc should still be about Buffy, it’s Buffy’s show, but it should have been more about the hole she left behind. Not just in Spike but in the world. 

What’s left? This latest and greatest group of people who have so far RIGHTLY rejected a demon whose sole motivator seems to be comfort. And maybe when these particular people hit rock bottom, they have enough wisdom to see a monster down in the dark and recognize themselves. Maybe Dawn (whose humanizing effect on Spike has been nearly as important as his obsession with Buffy) shows him that rare, rare thing called Validation. And oh god, he realizes he’s never actually moved beyond trying to sell effulgence to Cecily Whatsherface, that he’s been sitting on his own grave for a hundred years, waiting for someone to coddle and fix him, and now the only woman who might have, the best woman, literally the one girl chosen one above all others... is gone. This would be a good time to die. 

Or...

...maybe there is no magic soul cave, maybe he tries to end it and makes the CHOICE not to. Chooses to stay and help, because what else is there? Then BAM! it just slams back into him in a way that hurts like you can’t even believe, because admitting how bad you’ve fucked up is the most painful moment of a lifetime and I’ve lived it and I wish I’d had a hellmouth to jump into, but the Scoobies pull him back, and he takes care of Dawn until life seems to have some meaning again, then Buffy comes out of the earth traumatized and broken and no one is better equipped to help her than a recovering Spike, not because he’s magically her rock but because he’s also learning how to roll his own rock and keep on climbing, because Camus ruined us all for metaphors...

THE END

Anyway. As a recovering addict and toxic person who has been struggling a lot recently... who wants to improve and be able to give more to the people I love, Spike has an arc that just like... cuts me deep, man. Especially because of what should have been.

[zenosanalytic]

4/20/19 HSE 8

Ok back at it

MEAT 15

Cool Fight; Not terribly surprising.

MEAT 16

Dirk’s as much Rose’s father as Rose is his Mother. I guess maybe it’s more convenient, psychologically, to choose a causative direction and stick with it, rather than accept the Mobial nature of their genesis, but for some reason it bugs me this keeps getting overlooked.

Dirk’s over here talking about how right he is all the time and I dont think he was ever right about anything even once in canon(aside from certain aspects of his talk with Dave, and choosing not to kill Hal) XD The only “plan” of his to work was the one re: entering the Session, and 1)he outsourced it to Hal and 2)it only worked because he managed to improvise his way through every aspect of it failing to go the way he thought it would, and even that probably had more to do with their entry being part of HiC’s plan to use them, so she wasn’t trying to wipe them.

Another Thing: I dont think the Ascent Differential is Aspect so much as Personality.

Another Another Thing: That Rose, when discussing her life-long fear of knowledge as a corrupting and ruining outside force(this being a person who always felt her mother wasn’t her mother, in some sense, and responded to that fear by rejecting emotional intimacy with said mother), doesnt see the connection between that life-long fear and her fear that Ascending will be bad, damaging, and corrupting, is Notable. Perspective continues to be important, and lack of self-awareness continues to hamstring ppl in this narrative.

MEAT 17

I feel like this new narrative belligerence on Dirk’s part isn’t going to work out too well for him with a person as aware and recalcitrant to narrative meddling as John. It’s going to be John and WV all over again. This is also a wonderful example of how personal flaw and specificity isn’t solved by Godhood in HS, and can really trip you up; basically all of this, including the “impotence” applies to Dirk, too, when others disagree with the direction he’s trying to push them in, and this whole rant may be meant, ironically, as an example of dramatic irony: basically, that Dirk’s rant about total control and knowledge reveals the limits of his knowledge and will be followed by examples of how limited his control is, which he can’t be aware of, but which the “impotent” audience will.

MEAT 18

...And, almost immediately, John’s objecting to the narration and doing things before Dirk “writes” him doing them(the sigh).

MEAT 19

“So yeah, I’m gonna allow it” Notice how he asserts power over situations he does not, in fact, have power over.

Which is kind of an interesting dynamic to bring up in the context of authorship? I mean: in the realm of nonfictional works an author can’t “make” things happen, only alter for their audience what DID happen. In some respect this is being written as equivalent to that dynamic; the simple admission in M17 that Dirk is misrepresenting events also admits those events happened another way than he’d prefer, meaning it’s also an admission of his lack of power over actual events. And, of course, all the other things I’ve been talking about, and the fact that everyone’s “character” is rooted in natures established in the original work. But in a fictional work an author’s creative power is absolute, and this is a fictional work; though I suppose a derivative or transformational one, which accounts for the shortfall. Another interesting aspect of this is that the “Author” is presented as a Narrator; Narrators merely describe what happened, they don’t create it. I was going somewhere more concrete with this but it popped out of my head >:T >:T

Ok so other aspects of this: I agree that Jane’s been established as a pretty ambitious person, but she was also always a pretty moral person and the way she’s going about this so far doesn’t seem to be in keeping with that part of herself. And also: she literally wants to create shortages, and thus the suffering shortages will cause, for... what? Nostalgia? Because she think she can run Capitalism better than the adults from before all this?? Because Hierarchy is Neat??? Seems like a whole handful of really petty, selfish, and juvenile reasons to me. Also one guaranteed to cause social conflict; I doubt a civ that’s never known material want is going to react too well to sudden starvation and financially-manufactured forced-labor(which, lbr, is what most work in our world is).

Obvsl, as a snake and member of the storied gens Atheris, I agree with Roxy&Calli that patriarchal human concepts of gender are not the end-all-be-all of identity, but what really jumps out to me here is Roxy’s description of the nature of their love for, and previous sexual interest in, Dirk which I find really True. Like: the sentiment of wanting to see children of a person because you really like that person and think they should continue, or of thinking having the kids you might have with another person would be pretty interesting. Also that loneliness is a hell of a drug 8T

I’m trying to figure out why this conversation would be circumstantially simultaneous with The Furthest Ring being “destroyed”, but I got Nothing :T :T :T

MEAT 20

So yeah, Jade’s merging with her Alt!Selves, not too surprising since it was heavily foreshadowed in Endgame.

Given that Sessions are located IN the Furthest Ring, and Sessions MAKE new multiverses, I find it being made out of “negative potential. The absence of a future” pretty ironic :p I wonder if the tentacle hair bit is a nod towards the Horror-Terrors, and theories about them being Players? Rose and Dirk’s view of Ascension would seem to suggest HTs might be SUCCESSFUL players who eventually abandoned their universes out of fear of the damage they’d do misusing their godhood(as it doesnt solve your personal problems), rather than the old HC of them being failed Players.

MEAT 21

My theory about “The Economy” being code for sex doesn’t stop feeling ever more confirmed by this narrative :|

Dirk’s anger at the idea of anyone not thinking he’s right about everything is Palpable on this page. Also I’d just like to note that This:

Is being said by a person currently in the middle of metaphysically manipulating a friends towards her worst impulses(and also potentially some amounts of self-hatred, give her thoughts re: femininity) for the sake of establishing a dictatorship through which she, as his agency-dimmed puppet, will enforce his personal politico-philosophical preferences regardless of what anyone else thinks and he’s saying it about people who just said This:

which is to say: a bunch of political pluralists who are NOT seeking to impose their morality on anyone but rather to establish a system where EVERYONE can SHARE their moral understanding of policy issues and come to a consensus decision on them, within the context of a political society DEFINED by the equality of all as political actors. There’s just so much that’s wrong, weak, and easily dismissable about Dirk’s argument here. Not to mention his obvs, undisguised, physical disgust for trolls >:T

And he’s doing all this Purely because, given his fixation on “Winning”, he wants to Win. Like: he’s not actually even pursuing what he considered good policy; he is, literally, doing this all for Pure Ego, which he has the gall(and lack of self-awareness) to accuse others of acting from. And this self-deluding buffoon is a person who believes himself “Ascended” and therefore possessed of a “higher” and “clearer” perspective on matters above their “petty” concerns about, oh non-humans being allowed to live as they like, or practice any political agency at all, and all ppls being spared unnecessary and pointless suffering due to entirely manufactured shortages. So much (real, actual)Irony, of so many types, in all of this, all at once.

An aside: I am really liking the political-mindedness of these Epilogues so far; really playing to my Interests uwu

The bit about Hybrid babs and shipnames is funny, and it doesn’t read like a shot at the fandom to me at all; it’s more a joke at Dave’s expense given the obvs distress Kanaya’s in and his inability to stop making the situation more awkward(itself prob the result of Bro’s neglect/abuse)

Oh hey look: it’s Dirk the “Omniscient” being distracted, caught unawares and off-guard by the actions of others, unable to handle the role&work he’s chosen for himself(ie “out of his depth”), unable to split his attention between even just two conscious ppl at once, and not knowing what others are thinking. Given this and his handling of Jade’s thoughts in the last section, I kinda feel like it’s less he can actually sense the thoughts of others, and more that he gets some kind of inkling or hunch, or maybe that’s it’s purely just him guessing(that’d fit real well with his comments on Roxy being “inscrutable” to him), or even just having an awareness of the plot he is narrating(and thinks he’s writing). Of course it could also be some kind of Heart thing; not really even access to their thoughts at all, but a sort of awareness of their Agency? Like: Heart is The Self and The Self is expressed through Agency, so he has, in some way, developed an awareness of “Self-Action”, which is to say, Agency? Kinda like how Dave “feels” Time and Jade “feels” Space and Rose “feels” Relevance. Which, just as an asnide, would be something super-basic powers-dev wise, since Dave started having a sense of Time way back in the early Acts, long before godhood. Though I can see how Dirk developing an awareness of OTHERS intentions(and feelings, potentially, given Heart’s other associations) would seem like a big step for him, given how self-absorbed he is.

Ok that’s it for this one I think. I know I’m not being terribly kind to Dirk in all this but, tbf, he’s being kind of a huge snide Dick in basically every respect, and I also don’t have a lot of Chill in me when it comes to 1)arrogant people or 2)manipulators (:T

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title : The things you fight for

Author : @serahne​

For : @freakysandra1995​

Rating/Warning : some angsty moments, but nothing that someone into Danganronpa couldn’t bear ( 🐻 )  in my opinion. Komaeda and Hinata are a bit of a mess, but they are so entertaining.

Prompt : “Making the other jealous”

Author’s note : It’s finally out. I wrote this in a couple of days, but I still wanted to write something good for you. The prompt I’ve picked amongst your suggestion is interesting because it really struck me as really OOC at first for both Komaeda and Hinata... and then I started to enjoy the idea of Pining!Hinata, so here we are.

The fic also includes some Hinata/Koizumi friendship, because they are my weakness, and there is no way Hinata would get his shits together without her anyway.

As she was one of the very few sane person on the island, Hinata actually enjoyed Koizumi’s presence. Sure, she could be bossy, had a very strict idea on the place the boys should have - and a very vague one on girl’s beside ‘in charge of everything’ - and could fret over things of no importance, but she was also a trustworthy friend, a great listener and she knew exactly how long a tea bag needed to dip in the water to get a perfect flavour.

It was a bit embarrassing that even after going through brain surgery to enhance his abilities or whatever was on this paper he had be asked to sign once - without being given enough time to read the small characters at the bottom of the page about completely wiping out his personality, of course - he was still unable to get it right. No matter what, his tea always ended up undrinkable. Go figure.

But over anything else, Koizumi was good at giving advice. What’s more, she loved giving advice, even when others didn’t ask for them.

“You seem down, Hinata.” She said with a concerned expression, as they were both seated in the restaurant. “Did you sleep well ?””

Hinata shrugged. There was always someone making noise on the island. Unlike what happened in the simulation, no one cared about going to sleep early and locking their door tightly. And even when one of them wasn’t wandering around the island, the agents of Future Foundation were like a swarm of bees, restlessly buzzing through the night.

“It’s fine, I just… urgh. I need an advice.” He admitted.

Koizumi offered him a self-satisfied smile. Of course you do, her smile seemed to say, and despite Hinata’s sudden urge to be purposely unpleasant, he chose to bit his tongue instead. After all, he did need an advice.

“I’ll help you if I can,” she replied. “What’s the trouble ?”

“Boys.” He sighed before sipping his tea - still burning, ouch - and feeling like he might be quoting a random chick movie.

He knew his friend would appreciate it. And indeed, Koizumi huffed in amusement.

“What a surprise, but you’ll have to be more precise. Are you referring to Nidai punching a hole in a tree at the beach ? Or to Souda being caught by Togami building what seems to be a turbo-nuclear reactor, though he swears it wasn’t his intent ? Or… are you talking about Hanamura asking Sonia to be judge at a dick-measuring contest ?”

Hinata almost choked on his saliva.

“Hanamura did what ?” Koizumi looked at him with a blazé look. See what I have to go through everyday ? she seemed to say. Hinata shook his head. “Heh, do you want me to talk to him or something ?

“Oh, no. I already firmly explained to him that he was to stop his harassment. I might have let it slip that Sonia has diplomatic immunity in 187 countries, and that she is free to murder him anytime she sees fit.” Her eyes shone with amusement. “Oh, I had the help of Komaeda too. May the fear he inspires to Hanamura never fade !”

She emptied her cup of tea, her smile never leaving her lips. Hinata took note to go and see Hanamura at some point in the day, just to see if the guy was still alive. There was no way Koizumi would be that giddy over a simple… explanation. Even a firm one. And even with Komaeda scaring Hanamura as a bonus.

“Well, okay then.” Hinata took a deep breath to give himself some courage. “I wanted to talk to you about him.”

“Hanamura ?”

“Komaeda.”

“Oh.” Koizumi sighed. She was clearly taken aback, but to her credit she did her best to pretend that nothing had caught her off-guard. “I thought you were getting along pretty well. I mean. Considering the… circumstances.”

Hinata grimaced. “We are ? Kind of ?” They had an entire list of banned subject that they did their best to avoid whenever they were talking together, but beside that, they got along. “It’s complicated, I guess.”

Koizumi hummed quietly, waiting for Hinata to spill the beans. Hinata frowned.

“Do... hm... do you think he likes me ?” He asked, almost more to himself than for her.

Koizumi froze for a second.

“... define ‘like’ ?”

Hinata rolled his eyes at Koizumi’s cautious behaviour.

“You know what I mean ! I mean like-like.” He was being ridiculous, but why was Koizumi playing stupid right now ? “You know. Do you think he is into me ? I mean we spend a lot of time together, and he always says he is flattered that we hang out so much together, and yesterday he said he liked my smile and…”

“Wow, slow down !” Koizumi cut him off, eyes wide. “Oh my god, how long have you been keeping that inside ?”

“... a while ?”

He just didn’t want to bother anyone with feelings he wasn’t sure of. Everyone has been pretty understanding with his obsession of bringing Komaeda back from his coma, and no one had really questioned that he was seeking his presence afterward. No one except Komaeda, that was. And he wasn’t exactly the best person to talk to about the feelings Hinata had for him, right ? Anyway, it was a freaking mess, and there wasn’t a day Hinata didn’t want to punch himself for getting a weird crush on Komaeda of all people.

Koizumi’s eyebrows had disappeared under her bangs, and Hinata couldn’t blame her.

“Well, that’s… something.” She said quietly.

“You think it’s a terrible idea.” Hinata translated.

To his surprise, Koizumi shook her head.

“Not… exactly ? It makes sense, in some ways. It explains a lot of things. I’m just not really sure what you expect me to tell you. From my point of view, Komaeda is attracted to you. Maybe he actually like-like you, as you said. It’s just… I don’t know how far you are in your ‘forgiveness process’. Maybe it would be better to wait ?”

Hinata fought the urge to scream. He had spent two freaking hours with a Future Foundation’s therapist talking about the forgiveness process - a lot of bullshit in his opinion. He was supposed to forgive everyone. Himself, Hope’s Peak, his parents, the others ex-remnants of Despair, Junko-fucking-Enoshima.

Yeah, sure, tell yourself that I’m not going to burn with hatred for her until I die.

“I forgave him.” He simply replied. “Of course I forgave him.”

Koizumi tilted her head on the side.

“And he forgave you ?”

“What do you mean, he forgave me ?” Hinata huffed indignantly. “He tried to murder me.”

Koizumi fell quiet, and looked at her hands. Suddenly, her face was a lot somber.

“Believe me Hinata, it’s a lot easier to forgive people for being wrong than for being right.”

Hinata grimaced. Koizumi’s relationship with Pekoyama and Kuzuryuu hadn’t improved since they had woken up, almost four months ago. Kuzuryuu was just eaten alive by his guilt toward Pekoyama and couldn’t be bothered dealing with anything else. Pekoyama wasn’t exactly the kind to ask - or to grant - any kind of forgiveness.

Hinata wondered how well her therapy sessions could go, forgiveness process and all.

“Do you want to talk about it ?” He asked.

Koizumi shook her head.

“There is nothing to talk about.” She replied, looking more fragile than usual. “It’s a sucky situation. I’ll… try to deal with it eventually. One day.”

Hinata didn’t say anything but reached for her hand and squeezed it between his fingers. She gave him a little smile in return.

He was about to say something about how friendship should go both ways, when the door of the restaurant opened. There, standing in the door frame, was Komaeda, who looked like he had just woken up even though it was past eleven o’clock already. He looked at them, blinking like an owl, and Hinata felt his cheeks warm up under the other’s gaze.

Well, at least he didn’t enter five minutes before.

“Hey,” he said, a bit lamely. “Are you okay ?”

Komaeda nodded, but his eyes focused on a spot on the table, and confusion painted his face. Hinata followed his gaze, and noticed… that he was staring at Hinata and Koizumi’s hands, still intertwined after their little discussion.

“Er...” Hinata took back his hand and Koizumi didn’t make any comment, happy to observe the scene with interest. It was a bit weird now that she knew, thought Hinata. “Right. Do you want to go and eat something on the beach, Komaeda ? Koizumi and I just finished our… hm… talk.”

“We were talking about the cleaning of the pool !” Koizumi added with a smile. “I’m counting on you too, Komaeda ! So no running away.”

Whatever the weird mood has been, it was gone, and Komaeda smiled a bit, always glad to help. If there was one person on this island who wouldn’t run away from chores, it was Komaeda.

“Of course, I trust your sense of organization !” He bowed his head just a bit, then turned toward Hinata. “I’m going to get a mat from my cabin if we spend some time at the beach, Hinata. You can finish your discussion with Koizumi that way !”

A second later, he was gone, leaving a frowning Hinata and a smiling Koizumi behind him.

“Well, that settles it, don’t you think ?” She asked, looking like a cat who had just found a cream jar.

Hinata didn’t follow.

“What do you mean ?”

“Oh come on, Hinata. You saw his expression when he noticed our hands. He was clearly jealous !” Koizumi replied. “Actually, I’m surprised I didn’t think about it sooner. Seeing if he is jealous when you get close to other people is a good indicative, you know ?”

“Right,” Hinata said. “I don’t know, he was a bit weird but… jealous ? You’re sure ?”

Koizumi shrugged at the question.

“I mean, if you don’t believe me, you can try again, you know. See how he reacts when you compliment other people ? You could try to… let’s see, compliment Sonia on the way she wears her hair ?”

Hinata narrowed his eyes.

“What ?” He said. “That doesn’t sound like something someone interested in her would say. That just sounds very gay.”

Koizumi gave him a flat look, and he eventually gave in.

“Fine, fine. I’ll try, maybe. Thanks for the advice. I guess.” He sighed. He looked at the clock on the wall, and grimaced when he noticed that time was flying fast. “I have to go, see you later ?”

Koizumi waved at him.

“Run, loverboy !”

*

So Hinata tried to follow Koizumi’s advice. While they were eating on the beach, enjoying the warm weather of the island, Hinata managed to mention more or less naturally how pretty Sonia’s hair were on this beautiful morning.

Komaeda looked thoughtful when he answered.

“This is very good news. I’ve heard that when she woke up with short hair, it was difficult for her. Of course, I wasn’t awake yet, so it’s just rumors I’ve heard but… she seems to give a lot of important to her hair.”

His voice was somehow disapproving, but Hinata didn’t mind.

He even smiled a bit. It was true. Sonia had tried to not let the way her body had been mutilated during the events following the Tragedy get to her. Anytime someone expressed compassion about it, she brushed it off, telling that at least she hasn’t lost an eye or a hand. Scars didn’t hurt that much, hair could grow again.

He looked at Komaeda from the corner of his eyes. Sonia’s hair were pretty amazing, but his hair was a mess. Without thinking, Hinata reached out and tuck a strand of white, dry hair behind the other’s ear. Komaeda’s eyes opened wide and he turned toward him, surprised.

“Hinata… ?”

Hinata moved his hand away from Komaeda’s face, as quickly as if he has been burnt.

“Sorry, I just… you had some sand in your hair ?” He tried to cover it up as best as he could. “It just bothered me. I should have warned you.”

“Oh.”

“And uh… Your hair is pretty damaged, you know ? I’m sure we could find you some shampoo if you want.” Hinata added, because it was true after all. Future Foundation entertained some stupid demands from them, so they could be bothered with hair product.

Komaeda didn’t seem to care.

“This is very kind, Hinata.” He replied with a smile. “But I’m alright, really. Unlike our princess, I don’t give a lot of importance to my hair.”

“I’d say that you don’t give a lot of importance to you, in general,” Hinata replied.

For a moment, Komaeda stayed quiet, and turned toward the sea, while Hinata did the same. The water was so beautiful, with the sunlight reflected in the water. Sometimes, Hinata wondered how he could have believed that the Neo World Program was real. Now that he was out and looking at the real thing, he didn’t think he could ever be fooled again.

“I…” Komaeda said slowly without looking at Hinata. “I suppose you’re right.”

Then the mood was a bit killed, and he didn’t feel like bringing up Sonia’s hair again, or any part of her. They just both stayed side by side, not looking at each other but - at least in Hinata’s case - extremely aware of the other’s presence. At some point, Hinata took a deep breath and, heart beating like crazy, he scooted a bit to his left, until his shoulder grazed Komaeda’s. He felt the other tense for a second… and then slowly relax.

Hinata was really glad Komaeda couldn’t see his face at this moment. It could seem stupid and, really, it was, but he was just as breathless and his heart was beating just as fast as after the morning runs he did, sometimes, with Nidai and Owari.

*

The next time he tried to make Komaeda jealous didn’t work either. It was his fault for underestimating his opponent, he supposed.

“You know, I think Kuzuryuu can be pretty sweet when he wants to be.” He said as they were browsing through the books in the library. “He might seem rough on the edges, but he really cares, you know ? He told me we were bonded for life and that I wasn’t allowed to die.”

Komaeda smiled politely at that, and stood on his toes to grab a book on a shelf that was just slightly too high for Hinata to reach. Hinata couldn’t help but glower at him, Komaeda’s smile turning smug when he noticed Hinata’s annoyance.

“Do you need any help ?”

“No.”

Komaeda chuckled behind the book cover but didn’t press the matter.

“Alright, alright. As for Kuzuryuu, I think the term used is tsundere.” He replied. “You should cherish this kind of bond, Hinata. I’m sure anyone would be honored to be bonded to the head of a yakuza family that way.”

Hinata scratched the back of his head.

“I… suppose it’s true. The words just sounded so romantic, when he said them, you know ?”

Komaeda fell silent and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Yeah, I wasn’t exactly subtle. And yet, it was so hard to decipher what Komaeda was thinking. Fine, Kamukura hadn’t left him the ability to make good tea, but basic social skills were too much to ask ?

“Hinata... “ Komaeda said slowly. “Are you interested in Kuzuryuu ?”

“What ? No, I…” Hinata wasn’t sure what to say once he was confronted to his stupid plan. He couldn’t say that he liked Kuzuryuu like that, right ? “I just thought it was funny, that’s all. In a cute way. Or cute in a funny way, whatever.”

Komaeda processed his words for a few second, then his entire body relaxed.

It has to mean something, right ? Hinata thought with certainty. Why would he be relieved to know that I’m not interested in Kuzuryuu ?

“This is a good thing,” Komaeda said. “While you can be very charming, Hinata, I’m afraid that it wouldn’t be enough, since Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama have a very close relationship. If you had to fight for love, it would be better if your rival wasn’t someone who knew thirty-three ways to kill a man, just as a piece of advice.”

Thirty-th… Hinata felt cold sweat running on his forehead. Not saying that he was into Kuzuryuu had been the good option then. The problem was that now he had no idea if Komaeda was relieved because of his own feelings for Hinata or because he was worried Hinata would be turned into a kebab by Pekoyama.

“Heh, don’t worry about that, I’m safe from her,” he replied with a laugh.

Komaeda smiled, then went back to read his book - some kind of romantic bullcrap that Hinata enjoyed to make fun of sometimes. Hinata threw a look at the book he wanted - just slightly out of reach. His pride refused to let him ask for Komaeda’s help, and he went to get a chair instead.

He climbed it, and he had no problem reaching the book. He was about to get down when…

CRACK !!!

“Hajime !”

At the last second, he felt Komaeda’s arms trying to save him from the fall, but his weight threw them both on the floor, Hinata landing painfully on Komaeda’s chest and arm - his real one, at that. The white-haired boy let out a choked mewl when his wrist got twisted, and Hinata grimaced at the sound.

Still on top of Komaeda, he did his best to support his own weight with his arms, and managed to get enough distance to see the extent of the damages. Komaeda wasn’t crying, but he was clearly in pain, holding his wrist and gritting his teeth.

“Shit,” Hinata grimaced, feeling guilt settle in his stomach like an heavy rock. “Shit, I’m so sorry, I think your wrist is broken…”

Komaeda nodded, and looked at his other hand, the robotic one. A weak smile bloomed on his lips. When he talked, it was hard to not notice in how much pain he was.”

“I’m glad,” he hiccuped, “that I didn’t damage your work at least. I’m pretty damn lucky, right ?”

Shut up, wanted to say Hinata, but that would have be mean considering the situation.

“Yeah, you are. I… I’ll help you stand up, alright ? I don’t think I can be of any help I…”

No tea-making abilities, no social skills, and no medical skills either, hum ?

“... we’ll go and find someone from Future Foundation.”

Komaeda put his robotic arm on Hinata’s to stop him.

“Tsumiki is fine. I trust her.”

Hinata was taken aback a few seconds. “I trust her” just didn’t seem like the kind of things Komaeda would say about anyone. And as far as he was concerned, he liked the nurse a lot but wouldn’t trust her with his health even if she was the last person with medical training on earth.

Still, if Komaeda trusted her...

Quite ironic, but while Hinata had tried to make Komaeda jealous by talking about Kuzuryuu’s ‘romantic’ speech to him, he was the one who left the library with a head full of conflicted feelings.

You trust her, you trust her.

And me, do you trust me ? Do you like me ? Would you fight for me ?

*

Five days later, Hinata was pissed. At Komaeda. For a change.

“What do you mean you lied to Tsumiki for me ?” He exploded. “Why would you do that ?”

Komaeda was sitting on his bed, inside his cabin. With his bandaged wrist, he looked pitiful, but that didn’t stop Hinata’s fury.

“It was unnecessary, Hinata !” Komaeda explained to him, having the audacity to talk to him as if he was an idiot. “No one needed to know that you were there with me, what difference would that make ?”

“I wasn’t just with you ! You fell because of me !” Hinata hissed in return. “Why are you acting as if we are in some kind of toxic mess of a relationship ! I’m feeling guilty, but I don’t need you to cover up for me, okay ? I’m an adult who is trying to get his shits together, no matter how hard it can be !”

Komaeda lowered his eyes to the ground, face cold and closed. Hinata sighed : when the other acted that way, there was nothing he could do to change it. He felt a wave of powerlessness roll over him and closed his eyes.

My, my, what a situation he was in.

“I’m sorry.” He suddenly heard.

Surprised, he opened his eyes, and looked at Komaeda. His eyes were strangely intense, shining with a determination that he had rarely seen before.

Well, except for when this time in the simulation when Komaeda had come to his room before he bombed the hotel’s lobby. His eyes have been shining a lot too, then. Even with how stressed Hinata was, he had still noticed them.

“It’s fine,” Hinata replied, feeling exhausted. “I’m used to it, am I not ? I’m just… I just wish I knew why you’ve done it ?”

Silence. And then.

“I’m sorry.” Komaeda said again.

“Yeah, you said that already.”

Komaeda shook his head.

“No. I’m sorry for trying to kill everyone back in the simulation. I was wrong. I was an idiot. I was fighting for a cause that wasn’t right. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry for killing Nanami, too. I never intended to, but it was my fault.”

Time stopped. Hinata froze, and even stopped breathing. Even his heartbeat turned into a low lullaby, as if it understood how important this moment was.

Komaeda still wasn’t looking at him. The words have come out without an hesitation, as if they had been maturing inside of him all these months since they had left the simulation. Hinata wet his lips, knowing that next words had to be his, and had to be good.

“I forgive you,” he said, and he was almost surprised when he realized that he meant it.

Komaeda stared at him.

“Why ?”

Hinata shrugged.

“I just do.”

Komaeda was clearly frustrated and unsatisfied by the answer. His eyes were looking for something that Hinata knew he wouldn’t find. There was no reason to Hinata’s forgiveness. Maybe the forgiveness process had followed its course, maybe he had just decided that hating Komaeda for what had happened was too pointless and too tiring, maybe he was just happy with where they were now, no matter how awful their situation and their past-actions were, and that he selfishly couldn’t see how Komaeda’s actions had hurt him in the end.

Maybe he was just an idiot with a crush.

“I’m sorry too,” Hinata said finally, because it had been on his mind for a while. “For not being who you thought I was. For disappointing you. Not levelling up to the image that you had of me in your head.”

Komaeda frowned, but didn’t make any sarcastic remark either.

“I… forgive you.” He eventually said.

And Hinata hoped that his forgiveness was also a bit selfish, and that at the end of the day, he didn’t mind who Hinata really was.

“What about Nanami ?” Komaeda asked quietly. “I killed her.”

Not really, Hinata wanted to say.

“It was the hardest to forgive,” he admitted. “At first I felt like I was betraying her memory by forgiving you. No wait… I felt like my hatred kept her alive, in some twisted, sick way. At least inside of me. Urgh, I’m not making any sense, do I ?”

Komaeda shook his head, looking very serious.

“You don’t realize how much you are.”

Hinata took a deep breath.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

They both fell silent, the atmosphere between them finally pleasant, and comfortable, and Hinata didn’t feel like he had ever felt more connected with someone in his life. It was a bit terrifying, in a way. He hoped Komaeda felt the same way.

“You know,” he said, “I’m more angry at Naegi and the others, at the end. I’m angry because they made me care for someone who didn’t exist. How cruel is that ?”

Komaeda looked at him strangely.

“You did like Nanami.”

It wasn’t a question. Hinata remembered how Komaeda had almost asked him the same question, back in the library, when he had tried to make Komaeda jealous of Kuzuryuu. He had a crazy opportunity there : he could admit having romantic feelings for Nanami, and it might push Komaeda to do something in return.

But…

After their discussion he didn’t want to. No more manipulation. No more lies. No more mind games. It’s not like they had been very successful, anyway.

“A bit, I guess. She made things look very easy.” He smiled, nostalgic. “Sometimes I wish things were easier and I wish she was there. I… I talk to her sometimes. I imagine what she would say, and I make up entire dialogues in my head.”

He looked up toward Komaeda, who was just listening to him patiently.

“I’m just really angry at Future Foundation, and Naegi, and everyone who made me believe that Nanami existed and that things could be easy after everything we went through,” he said. “I know it sucks, my therapist wouldn’t be proud of me, she is always talking about forgiving everyone.”

“Oh ?” Komaeda replied, perking up. “Mine too, actually. She tried to make me forgive Enoshima.”

Hinata grinned. Komaeda sounded so offended.

“Did you ?” He asked.

Komaeda looked at Hinata, very seriously.

“The bitch can rot in hell until the the next Apocalypse.”

Hinata collapsed on the bed, his body shaken by a laughter that he couldn’t stop. Tears at the corner of his eyes, his belly aching, curling on Komaeda’s bed as its owner looked very unamused by his sudden joy, Hinata didn’t remember when he had ever felt that light.

*

“I’m giving up !” Hinata announced proudly when he finally managed to find Koizumi, who was hanging out by herself in the lobby, in the middle of the coats that everyone else had brought for the party.

The party was for Mioda’s birthday. She was twenty-three, and had organized the biggest event possible, with music - and private concert - drinks, dancefloor, games… it was a bit too much for Hinata who, after being squeezed in a almost-lethal hug by the birthday girl, hoped to find for some quiet place.

“Giving up ?” Koizumi said as Hinata sat next to her. “I’m not sure what you are giving up exactly, but you seem really happy about it.”

Hinata took a sip from his drink and probably made a face - he didn’t know who had dosed these stuff, but they shouldn’t be allowed to next time - because Koizumi smirked at him. Hinata stuck out his tongue in return.

Alright, maybe he was a bit tipsy. Just a tiny little bit.

“This stuff with Komaeda,” he said. “Making him jealous. It doesn’t work. It sucks.”

“Of course it does. I didn’t know you were still on it. I was sure that the guy was into you since that time in the restaurant.” She stifled a laugh. “But I’m proud of you for coming to this conclusion alone, after two months, and with three or four drinks gone already. So, what’s the plan, now ?”

Hinata felt pretty sleepy. It was also warm and cosy in the lobby. He leaned his head against Koizumi’s shoulder, who didn’t seem very happy about that.

“I’m warning you, if you vomit on my dress, you are cleaning it up ! And it doesn’t go to the machine, so have fun with that !”

Hinata replied something like ‘I don’t vomit, I’m awesome’, before remembering what Koizumi had asked him before.

“I decided to be friend with him,” he mumbled. “I didn’t think I could, but that sounds great. Komaeda is great. I can be friend a with him for a while. Then we can kiss and stuff.”

Koizumi pat his back awkwardly.

“If you say so. That said, I’m starting to think that you are not as hopeless as I thought you were. To see you learn is kinda moving, you know ? I feel like I’m making the world a better place, one poor soul at the time.”

“I feel like you are insulting me.” Hinata mumbled back.

He felt more than he saw Koizumi’s smile.

“As if. I would never. And I’m happy for you.”

Hinata smiled in return.

He was seriously starting to fall asleep when he heard steps coming from the stairs, and one second later, Komaeda rushed into the lobby… and stopped when he noticed them.

Hinata didn’t understand right away why Koizumi pushed him away from her, but then he saw the hurt, the hurt, Komaeda was hurt in the other’s eyes. Then, as soon as the expression appeared, it turned into his usual easy-going, untouchable persona.

“Hinata, Koizumi, good evening. I’m a bit tired, so I’ll head back early. You’ll say goodbye to Mioda for me ? She has been singing on the karaoke machine for the last thirty minutes, and I’m not sure when she’ll be done.”

Before even waiting for an answer, Komaeda disappeared. Koizumi whispered furiously to Hinata’s address.

“What are you waiting for ? Run after him ?”

“What ?” He replied, confused. “Why ?”

“You said you were done trying to make him jealous, right ?” Koizumi said. “Then run after him, and fix up this mess.”

Hinata nodded. That sounded like a solid argument. He stood up, but was stopped in his track by Koizumi’s hand catching his wrist.

“And for the love of god,” she said, “don’t make out with him. You stink of alcohol.”

Hinata offered her his most confident smile - though Koizumi didn’t seem too impressed. Leaning toward her, he whispered.

“You’re not my mom, and I make out with him if I want to !” He let out an extatic laugh. “I’m going to make out with his mouth. So hard.”

Koizumi rolled her eyes so hard Hinata wondered if that hurt.

“And I was starting to have hope.”

Hinata let out another chuckle, and ran outside the lobby. He didn’t have any time to waste : he had someone to fight for, after all.

[kotolocke]

Entry #01: New Bark & Beyond.

God it really has been a week since I started this blog and I still haven’t updated it? Gotta stop being useless and post more regularly. I’ve made decent headway into the game so I have several posts I need to make about it. So let’s get started. I’ll save y’all from a long summary of the game events and stick with just mentioning important game-play stuff and how Lyra reacts to them.

First up: Elm’s request.

   This whole little introductory quest that Elm sends her on is actually kinda meaningful to her perception of herself as a trainer. In blog cannon, Lyra immediately goes to collect her starter from Elm after having a massive argument with her Mum about leaving home, which ended with her Mum basically pushing her out of the door and telling her she wouldn’t care if she came back. She would. She didn’t mean it, she was just lashing out. But Lyra didn’t know that and she ran most of the way to the lab choking back tears.

   So she takes a deep breath, calms herself down and as soon as she’s in the lab, Elm’s asking her to act as a representative of the lab and complete an important task for them. At this point, Lyra’s already been helping out around the lab for some time so this isn’t entirely out of the ordinary. But being asked to take care of a “real” “discovery” one of Elm’s peers has made whilst she’s still highly fraught from a fight but is pretending that she’s totally fine? This is the basis of the person she becomes. Someone who thinks of herself as a highly important “chosen person” who cannot express her real emotions or else she’ll won’t be taken seriously or allowed to follow her goals. Because something tells me Elm wouldn’t be too comfy sending a crying eleven year old off into the wild world of Pokemon after a big fight with her parents.

Next up: Lyra’s starter.

   Meet Cabbage!

   She’s an extremely sheltered Chikorita who honestly never thought she was actually going to end up travelling with a trainer. Surely she was just going to spend the rest of her life in the lab with the Professor? Lyra decided otherwise, and decided primarily because she was the only girl of the three Pokemon Elm was raising. Lyra was anticipating getting some flack for being a young girl on a Pokemon journey so she kinda projected some of this onto Cabbage. Moron boy trainers would probably turn their nose up a cute, female Pokemon so she should had to take Cabbage with her so she wouldn’t feel like she was anyone’s last choice.

   Cabbage would have been okay with that but unfortunately can’t tell Lyra how she feels. She’s just gotta learn to embrace all the terrifying Pokemon battles Lyra puts her through. Which happens surprisingly quickly; Lyra’s an impatient girl but she always gives her Pokemon the time they need to adjust. Speaking of adjust:

Cabbage is legitimately confused and slightly irritated about her nickname. It’s the first of many little annoyances that eventually lead to her becoming stubborn and standoffish towards Lyra as she grows more confident.

Next: Mr. Pokemon & Professor Oak.

   In terms of character development, this whole scenario kinda bolsters Lyra’s ego even more. But I want to single it out because it’s the start of one of her three major plot threads:

   This fckin’ egg. This egg is important and eventually hatches into one of Lyra’s core team members. This egg is also lowkey a symbol of everything early journey Lyra thinks about herself. She’s so unique and powerful and special, Elm can see she’s naturally good with Pokemon so he chose her to go on this dangerous quest to collect a mysterious egg! And better yet, during this quest the esteemed Professor Oak, advisory to the legendary Red, asks her if she can help him out with something too!

   He gives her a high-tech Pokedex, an item so exclusive that only a handful of trainers own one? Wow she must be the best trainer out there, she’s only just got her first Pokemon and everyone’s falling over themselves to get her to do trainer stuff for them. Clearly she’s hyper naturally talented and all the smart Pokemon experts know it! She’s a dumbass child. I love her.

   Anyway, why’s the egg important you ask? Oh—

—no reason.

And finally: Silver.

   Did you know: Lyra absolutely hates Silver’s guts pretty much until she sees he also hates Team Rocket? Because he kinda epitomises the older boys who would belittle her for being a girl who wanted to be a trainer?

   It’s pretty clear to Lyra that Silver kinda knows some shit about Pokemon training because she hears him muttering shit about Elm’s lab being “famous”. Bitch, the only people that Elm’s famous to are fringe nutcase trainers who breed for something they call IVs because he’s basically lord high king of egg knowledge or whatever. That makes it doubly annoying when Silver tries to kick her when she asks if he’s getting a Pokemon there too and twice as satisfying when she knocks him over with a retaliation kick and stamps off righteously. She’s especially glad that she chose Cabbage at this point; just thinking of what he might say about her makes Lyra fume. 

   More evidence that Silver is a bog-standard shitface sexist kid:

Whilst Silver would say this sort of crap to anyone, this hits a little too close to home for Lyra and she takes it as a misogynistic insult. Generally implying that she’s somehow not worthy of becoming a trainer is a surefire way to make Lyra go feral because she kinda thinks it’s the only thing she’s good at. And it’s just not true, look at what level Cabbage is at this point:

Three levels above where she started and only around 3-4 hours have passed since they first met. Lyra is insanely good at training Pokemon. She has great intuition when it comes to assessing individual Pokemon’s strengths and weaknesses and encourages them to fight in whatever way suits them best. She doesn’t always have great long-term strategy in battle, but she knows exactly what her Pokemon can and cannot take and dish out and this is what secures her most of her victories.

   Also Silver’s “someone weak” comment  is 100% self-projection, just so we’re clear.

   lyra vc: lmao yeah i am???

   lyra vc: lmao no!!!

   Queue Lyra getting Actually Mad™ because there is no way a dick like Silver could become a better trainer than her?? She’s gonna be the greatest, just you wait and see Tampon!!

   If you don’t think she was holding it in the air just out of his reach then you have fundamentally underestimated how much of a petty little shit my Lyra is.

   Regardless, Lyra then runs back to the lab to see exactly why Elm called her in such a panic.

In conclusion: All cops are bad.

   A kind of recurring theme in Lyra’s story is her distrust of traditional authority figures, and it all starts here.

   Okay, so obviously this exchange is so cartoonishly stupid that I cannot see it going down like this in blog cannon. But the cop that does come to investigate the lab in blog canon is pretty much as incompetent as this guy. Stealing a Pokemon is kind of not a big deal in Johto? Shit happens all the time, the cops are corrupt as fuck and they don’t care about doing their job. It’s the reason Rocket was able to regroup in Johto without anyone really making any attempt to stop them.

   So this guy is mad that he’s been taken really far out of his way to investigate some minor crime in a tiny town and now some brat kid is going on about how some other kid was rude to her? Yeah, he’s not happy and totally belittles her, calling her “girlie” and scoffing at the idea of her and her wimpy looking Pokemon could have defeated a criminal. It’s not until Lyra insists that it was the red haired boy Elm mentioned to the guy she battled that he starts listening to her, and even then he’s still extremely brusque with her. And Lyra cannot stand being talked down to so this drives her round the bend.

   A lot of terrifying things happen to Lyra during her journey, enough that she could easily qualify for police protection, but she never once asks for it throughout her journey. Because whenever she imagines walking into a police station, she imagines a bunch of wrinkly, balding, middle-aged men who will belittle and insult her the same way this cop did. And she’s not going to willingly suffer through that again.

[modernlcve]

*  —  stats —   kelsey dyer !

* — basics !

full name:   kelsey nicole dyer. nickname(s):   none standard. age:   twenty-two. date of birth:   december fourth. place of birth:   boston,   massachusetts. gender:   female. pronouns:   she / her. sexual orientation:   bisexual. level of education:   high school graduate.

* — physical !

tattoos:  none. piercings:   ears pierced twice,  right cartilege pierced.   used to have her belly button pierced, but she’s someone’s mom now. notable features:   big ol’ doe eyes. weakness(es):   too trusting :pensive: scar(s):   a faint one,   right above her left eyebrow.

* — domestic !

occupation:   front end clerk at the superstore. residence:  lives in an apartment with anthony. social class:   upper middle class. parents:   joseph dyer,   age 49,   a contractor,   he can’t relate to kelsey on much, but they try their best to get along. heather dyer,  age 48,    the parent kelsey has historically been closest with. siblings:   joseph dyer jr,   age 26,   the most supportive member of her family by far.   he takes being the oldest serious.   cameron dyer,  age 9,   a fundamentally good kid,   even if won’t stop getting caught drawing dicks in the window on the bus. children:   indigo harding,   who is born the second i post this.    she’s an aries destined 2 overpower kelsey One Day. extended family:  her father has 3 sisters,   they spend holidays with her paternal grandparents and then all her cousins and stuff.

* — personality !

positive traits:   lively.   big-hearted.   encouraging. negative traits:   naive.   judgemental.   holds a grudge. myers-briggs ( x ):   enfp,   the campaigner. temperament:   sanguine. moral alignment:   neutral good. horoscope:  sagittarius,   the archer. hogwarts house:  gryffindor.

* — favorites !

movie:    uptown girls. tv show:   america’s next top model. book:   the wizard of oz by l frank baum. drink:   cherry cola. food:   mac n cheese. animal:   raccoons. color:   lavender. song:   long live by taylor swift. artist:   britney spears. celebrity crush:   chris hemsworth.

* — impressions !

first impression:  she makes a decent first impression. she lacks a filter and can sometimes cross a line with things she says without realizing it,  but,   for the most part,   she’s pretty bubbly and friendly and all that. self impression:   she’s got a healthy self esteem,   for the most part.   she thinks she has a good head on her shoulders and a strong moral code.   she thinks she treats people well,   and that’s what really matters. lover impression:   she’s a good girlfriend,   i think. supportive,   tries to relate to their interests  ( even if she simply cannot get baseball ).   she thinks there’s power in little things and rolls with that.

* — et cetera !

turn ons:   tall people.   ambition.   kindness. turn offs:   condescension.   hipsters.   mustaches. drink/drugs/smoke:   yes/weed/no. dominant hand:   left,  but claims to be ambidextrous,   her right hand just sucks. clean or messy:   messy. early bird or night owl:   night owl. hobbies or special talents:   she did ballet for years,   she’s a pretty good dancer.   she’s also double jointed and can do that thing where u flip ur eyelids inside out.

* — QUESTIONNAIRE !

01. where was your character born? what brought them to boston? what do they like most about the town?

kelsey was born in boston.   she’s stuck around because of circumstance,   she couldn’t afford to go off far after she graduated,   and her family needed her to stick around a little,   but she doesn’t know if she would have left,   even if she could.   she doesn’t think about it much anyway,   because she knows boston is where she’s meant to be:   if she hadn’t been here,   she wouldn’t have met anthony,   she wouldn’t have had indigo,   and it just feels like it’s where she really truly belongs at this point in time,   at least.

02. who are your character’s friends and family? who do they surround themselves with? who are the people your character is closest to?

in the past year,   kelsey’s really been Figuring this out.   her relationship with a lot of her friends and family changed after she got pregnant.   she’s never been exceptionally close with her father,   and he’s tried his best to be cool about all this,   but it took a toll on her relationship with her mother.  they were always close,   but her mom is just Simply not jiving with the decisions kelsey’s been making.   her brothers have passed less judgement,   and of her actual family,   she’d say she’s closest to them  ( even her mom has Limited her access to cameron lately ).   but anyways all that is part of the reason she’s so apt to call her palls from the superstore her family.   she really does consider them her closest friends,   as they’re people who didn’t start treating her different.   she feels like nobody skipped a beat.   outside of that,   there’s anthony,   of course,   and by extension of him,   the college Gang.   she doesn’t feel as Welcome among their ranks:   she knows she isn’t as fancy or smart as most of them and just tries to keep to herself when they’re all out.

03. what is your character’s biggest fear? who have they told this to? who would they never tell this to? why?

kelsey’s current biggest fear is that her mother is right,   and she is messing up her life or anthony’s with having this baby,   or that she just generally won’t be a good mom.   most of her is confident she’s doing the right thing:   she’s excited to be a mom,   she loves anthony,   she feels like they’re gonna get through this.   but she knows it won’t be a walk in the park,   and she’s not stupid enough to not realize that people don’t see her as the Most Competent.   she’s ready to give it her all,   and work to make it all fall into place,   but she’s worried she won’t be enough,   and she’ll screw up indigo,   and ruin things for anthony,   and mess up her life.   she’s probably pretty open about this,  in the kind of way where she’s looking for validation.   its a conversation she’s had with anthony more than once.   she’s never tell her mother this,   she’s not about to give her the satisfaction.

04. has your character ever been in love? had a broken heart?

kelsey had two “”serious” partners before anthony:   a high school sweetheart  ( a football player who proposed to her before they graduated,   prompting her to call it off )  and a Grown Up relationship  ( a girlfriend she had fresh out of high school,   she dumped kelsey before she studied abroad,   didn’t want to be held back ).   she thought she loved both of them and felt pretty heartbroken after they were out of her life.   being In Love with anthony has definitely  made her reconsider how intense she thought those relationships were,   but ultimately,   she doesn’t discredit them because they were so important to her at the time,   she’s taken the thank u next approach.

06. it’s saturday at noon. what is your character doing? give details.

if she’s not working,   she’s probably either goofing off on youtube enjoying a grilled cheese or,   in recent weeks,   she’s taken to scouring mommy forums online that,   quite frankly,   scare the shit out of her.   she’s been trying to do things like take midday naps and go see rated r movies while she still can,   so maybe she’s out there just fucking around and enjoying her freedom.

07. what is one strong memory that has stuck with your character since childhood?

kelsey did ballet for most of her life,   from age 5 through all the way through high school.   she remembers sitting in her mother’s bathroom before one of her first recitals,   getting all dolled up in the mandatory makeup:   mascara,   lipstick,   all that jazz.   she remembers how grown it made her feel,   even if her eyes watered and ruined the mascara twice,   and it frankly stands out to her more than the recital itself.

09. what is something that upsets your character? where do they go when they’re upset?

kelsey is a Bit Tender and a lot of things make her upset,   at least on a surface level.   but it takes more to actually get under her skin and make her Truly Upset.   its mostly people related,   rude little comments with bite,   feeling like people don’t like her or judge her/someone she loves.   she’s protective of her brood.   when she’s upset,   she likes to curl up in bed with junk food and watch a little mindless tv.   maybe it doesnt fix things,   but its a distraction.

10. when your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? why?

her dad is one of Those Guys that has a special chili recipe he’s Very much a diva about.   he made it at least weekly,   and the smell of it all sitting out to simmer for hours stands out to her.   she liked to help him with it,   it was one of the few things they could bond over.

[laurent--stpierre]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Laurent Saint-Pierre.

Nickname: None. He hates when people try to shorten his name to anything. Last name is generally abbreviated to St. Pierre, though.

Birthday: December 28th. 

Age: 37.

Gender: Male.

Place of Birth: Élysée, Paris, France.

Places Lived Since: Launceston, Massachusetts, and Porto Velho, California, United States. Messina, Sicily, Italy.

Current Residence: Chelsea, Kensington & Chelsea.

Nationality: French. Doesn’t hold dual-nationality.

Parents: Grégoire Saint-Pierre, Céleste Évreux.

Number of Siblings: Four. Odile, Agnès Saint-Pierre (sisters), Étienne, Jean-Paul Saint-Pierre (brothers) Laurent is second youngest, after Odile. 

Children: One (that he knows of) a daughter, Gaia Cacace. That is something he has shared with nobody. Not even Odile.

Relationship With Family: It’s complicated. Growing up, Laurent’s parents were always more focused on working and their own hectic lives. It meant that the kids pretty much fended for themselves, despite the nannies, and whilst it might seem like that would have driven him closer to his siblings, the only one he ever really bonded with was his sister Odile; the single relative from Paris he still actively keeps in contact with. It was the rejection of his parents as a young boy that drove him into the streets of Paris in the first place. When he stole, they simply threw more of their wealth at him, thinking that if they bought him what he needed then he would stop. Obviously, it didn’t work, and he’s not really sure they’re sorry about it. Don’t get him wrong, it’s pretty fucked up (considering they essentially abandoned him during his prison time) but he still loves them. He just…doesn’t like them. Laurent saw them briefly when he got engaged to Claudia, but hasn’t bothered trying to see them since.

Happiest Memory:  Without a doubt, his best friend’s wedding. Laurent might not have always approved of Oliver and Aurélie’s relationship, but finally seeing the man happy after all the shit they’ve been through was important to him. That was a good fucking time. I think all of the French took count of the things they had to appreciate in their lives at that point. It was a few days where they could just celebrate and forget about all the shit they had to go back to in Launceston.

Childhood Trauma: Besides his shitty upbringing, and ignorant parents, nothing.

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5′11″

Weight: 177lbs.

Build: As we say in the UK: built like a brick shithouse. Laurent is a big guy in terms of muscle, despite having a smaller frame than some of his colleagues. Serves him well.

Hair Color: Brown.

Usual Hair Style: Usually, he doesn’t do much to it. Has a habit of just falling into a scruffy look that suits him. Is also sporting a beard for the first time in his life.

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither, his eyesight is perfect.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Laurent is incredibly picky about what he wears. He knows that it’s important to look good to make an even better first impression, and for that reason, he takes a lot of pride in his appearance. Suits make up the majority of his closet. Tom Ford three-pieces for formal, Hugo Boss for daily. If you’re lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the rare, non-suited Laurent, then he’s probably in some black jeans, a plain t-shirt, and a leather jacket.

Typical Style of Shoes: The expensive leather kind. So try not to bleed when he’s kicking you in the fucking head. 

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings? No piercings, no tattoos. The only jewellery he wears is his St. Clair signet ring, and it’s a great source of pride for him.

Scars: Far too many to list them all. I suppose his most obvious are the ones when he got shot up at the Versailles hotel opening. Took four gunshots that night, and was lucky to survive. Has some pretty nasty ones from his time in the basement, but thankfully they spared his face. I would imagine the rest of his body looks pretty torn up though.

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: None.

Athleticism: Incredibly fit. Laurent used to compete as a junior boxer, and has definitely kept his skills up. If he’s not at Vixen, sleeping, or on the job, he’s probably working out. Does a lot more strength than cardio. Loves to fight.

Health Problems/Illnesses: Cocaine addiction. Probably only has half of his liver left, too.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: Secondary education, at a private, Catholic school. Finished at 16.  Nothing after that.

Languages Spoken: French and English fluently. Was in the process of learning Italian for Claudia, and is pretty good at it. Would consider himself intermediate.

Level of Self-Esteem: It’s so hard to tell with him. It’s on the lower side, but he’s still incredibly confident and thinks he’s better than you? Laurent can hate all his flaws, but the rest of you bitches are not allowed to point them out.

Gifts/Talents: Besides his boxing, he is also a rather gifted pianist. It was the compromise he had to make with his mother to be able to go to the gym. As she was adamant fighting was too aggressive, he attempted to appease her with something a little more refined. Though he always acted as if he hated it, he didn’t really, and ended up being quite good at it. He even has a piano that he takes to from time to time, though if anyone asks, he doesn’t hesitate to tell them it’s just for decoration.

Mathematical?: Fuck no. 

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: A mixture of both. Laurent is influenced pretty easily by anger and frustration, and for that reason, his actions can be swayed by that. But when it comes to anything else, his feelings slip into insignificance, and he’s pretty logical.

Life Philosophy: Trust is a weakness.

Religious Stance: Was raised a God-fearing Roman Catholic. Lost his faith in prison and never really revisited the idea of religion after that. Claudia did try to encourage him back to church when they moved back to Italy, though.

Cautious or Daring?: Daring to the point of fearlessness. That’s going to have to change now he’s boss, though, and he knows that.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: People mentioning Pénélope or Michel. Also Odile. You fuck with his sister, you drive him to violence.

Optimist or Pessimist?: Pessimist.

Extrovert or Introvert?: Introvert. 90% of the time he wants you to leave him the fuck alone.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: Single

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Past Relationships: Pénélope and Claudia are the key ones. More info here.

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: Being closed off. Inability to commit. Being an awful fucking person. His infidelity. 

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: Boredom. Laurent usually likes the chase more than actually getting the woman, and so moves on pretty quickly when they start showing serious interest. Also if they’re clingy. Nope.

Ever Cheated?: Yes.

Been Cheated On: Yes.

Level of Sexual Experience: Way too fucking experienced.

Story of First Kiss: He was fifteen, and a particularly pushy girl—the daughter of a family friend who’d been visiting their house for some kind of social function—was adamant that he was going to be her first kiss. It wasn’t like he was going to decline. As soon as she left, he’d run to tell Michel all about it, because they’d made a bet earlier in the year about who could kiss a girl first, and now he’d won.

Story of Loss of Virginity: The same girl as above, a few weeks later. Nothing monumental.

A Social Person?: The thing is, whilst I think he’s instinctively a loner, when he’s not being a total douche bag, he’s actually a really good friend. Some people see that, and really want to stick around. I think he has stages where he really enjoys the company of others (particularly female), but then relapses and hates the world, and wants them all to play in traffic.

Most Comfortable Around: Oliver. Veronika. Odile. Évelyne. 

Oldest Friend: Évelyne is the oldest friend he has that hasn’t fucked him over since.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: Laurent would say he’s doing pretty well, to be honest. I don’t really think there’s anything career-wise beyond this point? He has peaked. I guess his life goal now is to keep up the good work, and maybe try not to be miserable forever. Taking control of London from the Rutherfords would be a nice bonus.

Dreams: Same as above.

Greatest Fears: Terrified of spiders and will act little bitch if he sees one. Getting old scares the shit out of him. Probably because he worries about two things that will follow: Losing his looks, and being less useful on the job. Something happening to his sister. Something happening to him that means he’s not around to look after her anymore. Someone hurting Oliver, Aurélie, or Ronnie.

Most Ashamed Of: How much he trusted Michel. Leaving Gaia in Italy, even though he knows it was the right decision. Still makes him feel like a shit person.  

Secret Hobbies: Besides his pianism, none. 

Crimes Committed (Was he caught? Charged?): Okay, let’s be real, I can’t list all of the crimes he’s committed because I’d be here forever. The only time he’s been caught and charged for anything, however, was when he took the fall for a job both he and Michel had been responsible for. The dick left him injured at the scene of the crime, and ran away to freedom. Laurent ended up with eight years in prison. It should be noted that Laurent’s kill count is relatively high in comparison to other non-assassins in the Organization, but the two biggest names on his list are Michel Chevalier, and Margaux St. Clair.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?:   Night owl. Unless work calls for the contrary, it’s rare Laurent gets out of bed before lunchtime.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Unless he’s crashing from a high/dealing with a hangover, his natural sleep is pretty light. He likes to think it’s a good thing because it means no one can sneak up on him.

Favorite Animal: Cows.

Favorite Food: Dauphinoise potatoes with bacon from Adrienne’s. That shit is banging.

Least Favorite Food: Generally not a fan of Indian. Beetroot. 

Favorite Book: Laurent isn’t a big reader, and doesn’t really have a favourite book. He has neither the patience nor concentration to finish one.

Least Favorite Book: See above.

Favorite Movie: A Beautiful Mind.

Favorite Song: I Want To Break Free - Queen.

Favorite Sport: Loves rugby. Used to get into so many arguments with the bros about it, because they were all football bitches rooting for PSG.

Coffee or Tea?: Coffee. Black, two sugars.

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: No.

Type of Car He Drives: Doesn’t have a car in London currently. Had a silver Bentley in the United States, though.

Lefty or Righty?: Right-handed.

Favorite Color: Navy Blue.

Cusser?: Every other word.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: All three. Laurent smokes like a chimney, drinks like it’s going out of fashion, and regularly uses cocaine. Has dabbled with heroin because it was always a big thing back in Launceston. So was marijuana. There are few drugs he won’t touch, to be honest.

Biggest Regret: Same as the things he’s ashamed of.

Pets: A Siamese cat called Franz. Though he usually hates animals, he likes that cats are independent. Also, Franz is a bit of an asshole. Laurent can appreciate the attitude.

[ichichikacchan-blog]

Midoriya vs Bakugou - why Bakugou's actions make sense psychologically and why Midoriya constantly added conflicts - unintentionally

Soooo, I watched the latest episode and like I predicted, it fuckin killed me.

Before I dive in and get to the main topic, I really want to shout out to Bakugou's VA Okamoto Nobuhiko. This guy is a beast and he captures Bakugou SO well, it's insane. I knew what was coming but his voice acting left me broken, I ached so bad for Bakugou I was so down after his break down.

So, the biggest part of my wall of text will cover my thoughts on why Bakugou's actions made sense from the beginning, psychologically.

So leaving all my emotions behind and turn to a more objective view, I'll talk about a topic that bugged me a lot for several months now and it's the amount of hate Bakugou receives. I'm kind of glad to see that there are a lot of his fans out there, too but the haters are quite aggressive and while I do understand where this is coming from, a lot of people miss the big picture and they just don't try to understand. Which is sad. I know there are a lot of people just consuming things and don't really want to get into deep thoughts about animated shows, but maybe they should. It’s okay to hate a character but please recognize character development.

First, that he bullied Deku and even told to his face that he should kill himself IS NOT COOL and should NOT be defended. These were absolute dick moves, period.

Digging deeper, WHY did he do this? It's a very interesting and complicated topic and the whole conflict caught my attention early on as I'm a sucker for anti-heroes and complicated characters. And boy, complicated is the word I'll always choose if I need to describe Bakugou with a few words.

The latest episode finally shed some light on Bakugou's feelings and though the fight took not that long in the manga I'm so glad they decided to use a whole episode with added flashbacks and adjusted the dialoge a bit.

It's important to understand 2-3 stages of the conflict, so it's necessary to start with the childhood of Midoriya and Bakugou.

Stage 1 : Arrogance

The manga and anime made it very clear in the beginning that Bakugou has been very ambitious and with his quirk manifesting early and all people around him handling him like a prodigy, he grew up believing that his dream will become a reality no matter what. For him, as he was powerful, strong willed and intelligent, these were the main things needed to become the best of the best - because these attributes made him the best in everything. So he automatically claimed a leader position with many admirers, including little Midoriya. You can see in this early stages that due to societys perception of him, he became a little arrogant fucker but he wasn't toxic at that time. What was toxic were his expectations for himself that manifested, because in his mind, powerful and strong are things to be admired, hence, everything else was weak and to stay on top, weakness is no option and to be avoided at all costs. And well, Midoriya did add to that A LOT because he treated him like something special all the time!

So all quirks manifested in the little so called gang they had and poor Midoriya didn't have one. That alone let to teasing, but he didn't receive cruel child teasing by Bakugou alone. It was a mixture of pity and cold rejection he reveived from nearly everyone around him. And still there was this amazing guy next to him, the one he called a friend. So little Bakugou took Midoriya kind of under his wing because Midoriya was weak and a crybaby (he always was). Bakugou did not do that out of kindness, he did it because he was the leader and weaklings need leaders to know what to do. And Midoriya wanted that back then because despite having his dream, he was nothing but a dreamer, absolutely no threat to Bakugous' goals and in all things, he was weak. Except for being intelligent.

1.2 All about the respect

So they still hanged out after that, people tend to forget that. The only thing that changed that Bakugou started teasing him. With Midoriya out of the game, he he had no competition. Again, it was not toxic back then but it grew to be and we will encounter that change soon, but I'd like to talk a bit more about their relationship in the early stages because understanding what Midoriya did wrong by being himself is essential to understand what pushed Bakugou from being a teasing and arrogant shit to a full grown bully.

So, young Bakugou and Midoriya still were something considered friends back then and it all changed with Midoriya diagnosed as quirkless.

So, we remember the scene, Bakugou in full leader mode falling from that tree trunk and Midoriya coming for help. So what happened here is essential because, Midoriya rushed to make sure he is okay out of concern but WHAT did Bakugou see? He fell, yeah. But it was not dangerous. He just slipped and got wet by falling into the little river beneath. And here was Midoriya, trying to help him for... what exactly? Because the situation was so trivial Bakugou did not understand why the hell he looked like he needed help. He wasn't even hurt. Remember, he was the leader. Again, he totally misinterpret good intentions and concern and the mood shifted between them. Because in this moment, Bakugou felt disrespected.

Midoriya literally made himself the perfect victim (not his fault intentionally, but the circumstances made it so).  Midoriya had one feature that made him such a lovable precious guy and that was his willingness to help others no matter what. Something Bakugou did himself to an extent too, but for him that was natural because he was the strongest. Midoriya tried to help even when he couldn't and he never understood that. What is important to note is that they are such different characters, it was not possible for Bakugou to grasp Midoriyas intentions, so he interpreted them.

The beginning, stage 2: Pride

So they went to school together and the mood changed drastically. Midoriya kept chasing his dreams but to be fair, he didn't do anything for it except analyzing a lot of things and sharpen his intelligence (which is admirable too but remember, we're analyzing Bakugous' perspective).

Bakugou, as the prodigy he was, noticed that Midoriya was intelligent. What he didn't understand was his clinging to his dream, because he made no effort in appearing heroic or something and was simply not strong enough to accomplish anything. Midoriya turned out to be everything he despised, a definition of weakness. Still, he chased his dream but without doing anything and THAT pissed Bakugou off. You could clearly see that Bakugou, despite having it easy the whole time because of his talents, was still working his ass off. He trained a lot, mastered his quirk and, the big difference to an ordinary bully, he learned a lot, studied eagerly and didn't want to get involved with illegal shit (he told his followers off for smoking around him and so on).

So Midoriya somehow planned to become a hero without having at least some physical abilities and a respectable personality, he was just a dreamer. 

Back to topic, seeing the crybaby dreamer wanting to accomplish the same thing as he wanted to, pissed Bakugou off. For him, it was futile (and let's be honest, without getting One For All, it would've been futile because Midoriya didn't fulfill the requirements for getting accepted from a hero school so he'd never gotten his license otherwise!) and with Midoriya still believing that he somehow could do it (he was not that determined as Bakugou, so his thing was more dreaming of becoming a hero than making an effort to become one) he totally got on Bakugous nerves and Bakugou decided to "put him into place". That, OF COURSE, was so wrong. But Midoriyas whole actions attacked his pride and Bakugou needed to make pretty clear that no one, especially a nerd (he called him that because he recognized his intelligence and did fear it, because it was Midoriyas only attribute being a match to his own) will somehow manage to be in his way. Plus he developed a poor impulse controll. 

He just couldn't handle the thought that Midoriya could somehow do something to threaten him due to his intelligence or pure luck. So he needed to break him. Would their relationship have been different if Midoriya stood up for himself? ABSOLUTELY. Still, it doesn’t excuse Bakugou’s bullying, bullying is just WRONG.  

Remember when I said that Midoriya made himself the perfect victim? His nature collided with Bakugou's and totally prevented him to stand up for himself, which automatically proved Bakugou right (in his perception), that Midoriya is a weakling. What makes that clear is, Bakugou's somehow best friend at U.A., Kirishima, is EXACTLY like Midoriya characterwise (except for the crying part) BUT he doesn't take shit from Bakugou, that's why he earned his respect. Midoriya didn't and he never tried to step up because he let Bakugou make him weak. In a way that Midoriya believed himself that he was weak! So basically the conflict came about because Bakugou lacked empathy and suffered (still does) from poor control of his emotions and Midoriya lacked self esteem and will. A toxic combination that led Bakugou to hate Midoriyas guts and react the only way he could due to his anger issues and Midoriya living in fear. But he still was somehow not able to hate Bakugou and why is that? Because deep down, with his empathy for others, Midoriya knew that the tough guy thing was an act and that Bakugou really had anger management problems. The scene after Bakugou told him to go kill himself proved that, because Midoriya thought he was stupid for saying that because he would've gotten in trouble if Midoriya did something to himself. Yup, Midoriya was so precious during that aweful time and Bakugou surely didn't deserve it. Especially after the incident where he appeared to Bakugou's rescue with risking a lot. And deep down, Bakugou knew he couldn't do anything against that enemy and that Midoriya risked and actually DID something. And it pissed him off.

Stage 3: The inferiority complex

Now, we all know what came next, Midoriya got acknowledged by All Might and received a quirk. He trained a lot and took the entrance exam for U.A., just like Bakugou. And with a lot of luck he passed, while Bakugou scored first. So he came to class and shocked the hell out of Bakugou and with the first fitness test, the whole thing escalated. Midoriya had a quirk. What the actual fuck? For Bakugou, Midoriya TRICKED him his whole life and knowingly looked down on him the whole time. Just waiting for an opportunity to surpass him. Making a fool out of him for a long time. And with all the other good quirks in his class, the chances of Midoriya somehow beating him were threatining him. In no fuckin way he could let that happen so even with the high intelligent people in his class (Momo, Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida,..) and the powerful (Todoroki, Tokoyami, Kaminari, Kirishima, Midoriya..) he still managed to be the best, losing slightly in intelligence to Momo and power to Todoroki, but being the best as a package of both attributes. And he continued to work hard because now, he had actual threats for the first time. 

In a school with prodigies you need to be better than everyone else. And so Bakugou tried to stay away from everybody, being a Maverick. But he saw Midoriya getting stronger and stronger and he was afraid. Losing to him literally shook his worldview and with wanting to be the best at all costs he pressured himself so much that a breakdown was inevitable. Especially after All Might's fight with All For One, because he blamed himself so bad for that. The breakdown happened today in this episode. He stuffed everything down, suffered from major setbacks, and was confronted with something he didn't want to hear: That everybody saw him as a villain, not a hero. Now imagine having a goal since early childhood, admiring a hero and wanting to become one just to realize that everyone, including villains, saw a villian in him rather than a hero. Well, ouch. His own fault of course but please don't forget that he is still a teenager (Thank you All Might for understanding this). So he failed the provisional license exam and Midoriya passed it and that, plus his realization about the connection of Midoriya and All Might and All Might's end send him over the edge. 

He worked so hard and Midoriya got acknowledged, why? Well, rethorical of course, I'm pretty sure that he already guessed why but he didn't want to admit it. That's why he wanted to fight, because HE wanted to acknowledge Midoriya too to be even able to handle the fact that All Might didn't acknowledge HIM. So Midoriya finally needed to prove to him that he has what it takes to be a hero, to earn his respect - and he did! FINALLY. All Might telling the truth, Bakugou earned the right to know the details. All Might acknowledged him too and Midoriya finally understood what was wrong all those years.

Their conflict is so powerful and real, it's one of the best rivalry stories I've ever come across and I didn't expect that much depth in a Shounen jump story. Now, the Bakugou haters have a point, the bullying was beyond shitty and it takes more effort to somehow make it right again (that's up to Midoriya to decide). But to state that Bakugou is plain evil and an asshole and just did what he did because he is an asshole pains me. The world is not black and white. As I said, even though a lot of people don't want to hear that but Midoriya didn't do anything to get out of the role of the victim. Was it okay for Bakugou to use this, of course NOT. But he's so much more than a bully and guys, for real, haven't you done anything wrong in your life? Have you never hurt anybody with things you did? Don't be ridiculous. Bullying, of course, is not just some mistake, it's really shitty and nobody needs to forgive him (I certainly didn't and he's one of my all time favorite characters). I won't defend him. But my point is, everybody makes mistakes, especially in teenage years.

Also, please consider that Horikoshi intended Bakugou to be a hated character so he did a good job with pissing people off xD the popularity polls in Japan showed that he has a lot of fans and I did my best to explain why. If you still hate him, do as you like but please, acknowledge his character development and that there is more to him than just the asshole feature, even though you hate his guts.

So I needed to get this off my chest. Because Midoriya being not so innocent in this whole conflict is a really unpopular opinion but yeah. I love the two so much and really hope they can maintain the gained respect for each other and help each other grow.

PLUS ULTRA!

[mittensmorgul]

Do you ever miss old Cas? Like I know his character development has been super important, and everything he's becoming has been all about who he truly is, and not an angel puppet. But sometimes I watch older episodes and I miss early Cas. I miss the "You should show me some respect," the "I'm not here to perch on your shoulder," and the "we had an appointment" kind of moments. Idk, I love Cas all around, but sometimes I miss his early mystery and badassery.

Hi there! And no, I don’t really miss “old Cas.” But I think the three examples you’ve chosen aren’t really similar at all. The first two are literally what you described as being “an angel puppet.” They’re both from the same conversation at the end of 4.02, when Cas’s only goal was to manipulate or threaten Dean into doing Heaven’s bidding. Because again, context matters. Folks throw these lines around a lot, but so often the larger surrounding meaning is just losing the larger point here:

DEAN: I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- you know, Michael Landon. Not dicks.CASTIEL : Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.DEAN: Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?CASTIEL: I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns.

and

CASTIEL: Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?DEAN: To stop Lucifer.CASTIEL: That's why we've arrived.DEAN: Well... bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice.CASTIEL: We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.

This isn’t “badass Cas” here. It’s Cas not caring one whit about Dean, as long as Dean sticks to the mission. Dean is nothing more than a tool to Cas at this point. And he might not be self-aware enough to understand it yet, but Cas is equally a tool of Heaven at this point. There is literally nothing about either of those lines that I would wish on Cas again.

Now for the “We had an appointment,” from 5.04, that was Cas interfering with Zachariah and Heaven’s plans to save Dean, and was more of a moment of comic relief (and literal relief) that he’d saved Dean from Zachariah, you know? This was more than a year’s worth of character development removed from those quotes from 4.02.

But, this in mind, how is Cas any less badass NOW than he was back then? I just... don’t understand the complaint, I guess?

Granted, Cas spent the first several episodes of s13 being actively dead, so that really limits the amount of verbal badassery he was capable of at the time... but knowing all along that Cas would not only be “dead” for a few episodes, but that the entire purpose of this was for us to witness Dean’s specific struggle with his loss, I was more than happy to play along with the show. And because I didn’t let myself become bitter over these facts, 13.04 was one long, glorious Fuck You letter from Cas to his long-term struggle with depression.

(the post below this on my blog is actually a reply to someone asking about Billie’s line to Dean in 13.05, “I say live.” And I suggest that it applies equally to Cas vs the Empty Entity)

Castiel’s personal growth arc since the end of s6, including the majority of s7 while he was again literally dead, and then returned with no memories only to regain them to his own personal horror, has been about his guilt and penance for the things he did, for how badly he fucked up in s6. And then how much he struggled with putting any of that to rights.

I could pull a long series of out-of-context quotes that sound terribly Sassy Cassie, if that would make you feel better about any of this. I know there’s at least one post going around about how Cas is just as sassy as ever, with quotes and gifs as evidence. First off, it makes me really uncomfortable to reduce a character to a few random catchphrases like that. But also, just like Dean, his arc has largely been about overcoming depression. And as such, he’s struggled through A LOT of introspection and come to some major revelations about who and what he is, and who and what he wants to be.

I mean, his personality hasn’t fundamentally changed, but his understanding and motivations and goals certainly have.

His desire to stay in Purgatory in s8 because he couldn’t face what he’d done was one of his initial reactions to this. He’d rather run away and suffer eternally alone in Purgatory than confront what he’d done to Heaven in the name of stopping another apocalypse.

He was so hopeful and willing to believe in Metatron’s plan to “fix” heaven, to shut the gates and lock all the angels inside, because of what Naomi had put him through (torture, reprogramming... I mean we learned A LOT about just how resilient Cas is, and just how much he’s struggled through just to get to this point, where he finally understands exactly how much Heaven had tried to control him like a puppet or a tool.) But he’s so desperate to find a way to atone, to right his wrongs, to make up for the damage he’d done, that he was blind to the truth of how he was being manipulated yet again.

He struggles directly with humanity-- his own humanity-- in s9, before he once again does things because he feels he has no other choice. He was ready to die in 9.09 until he learned that whatever angel Dean had dealt with in order to save Sam back in 9.01, it hadn’t been Ezekiel, but someone who’d lied to Dean about his identity... and Dean needed to know this. So instead of sacrificing his life, Cas sacrificed his own agency yet again, stealing the grace of another angel. I think we can all agree that this particular bit of “badassery” is something we’d never like to see from him again. It’s on par with Dean selling his soul to save Sam, meaning it is an objectively horrifying choice. And that fact is pointed out to Cas repeatedly, by pretty much every other angel character in the narrative over the next season and a half.

And aside from his late s10 job as babysitter and pork rind delivery service, he really hasn’t been not-badass. He’s finally free of Heaven’s “reprogramming,” and for the first time in his billions of years of existence, he doesn’t have an instant “fix” available to him to erase his memories or reboot his operating system. He finally has to DEAL with the cumulative fallout from all his past choices and actions.

So like no other angel ever, Cas has had an opportunity to work through all of this, to understand free will, to understand humanity, and it has made him a better individual. Yes, he’s struggled with depression, and with the consequences of his actions and past choices, and he’s felt unworthy or useless or... like he’s poison.

I mean, these aren’t the typical things angels feel, you know? Because Cas has become so much MORE than that. I think this is why the petty-sounding complaint that Cas is no longer a badass, or that he’s become weak, makes me so angry.

Yes, I’m sorry. I’m watching his entire character arc unfold, seen him fight through some of the most heart wrenching battles against depression (both literal and metaphorical), struggled to reclaim his own personal arc from the whims of fate over and over again, only to emerge personally strengthened each time like steel put through the forge to temper it, and then I see comments on his arc like this, and it just makes me want to scream.

Cas’s entire story has always been about agency. His early “mystery” was the fact that he was unknown and unknowable as a tool of Heaven’s will, you know? Why in the hell would I miss that?

If you think Cas isn’t 10000% MORE badass than he ever was as Heaven’s malleable tool, might I suggest rewatching s12 and s13. If you want Cas-flavored snark, there’s plenty of that. I could spend an hour pulling quotes for you, if you’d really like. But this isn’t about snappy one-liners or Cas being a badass warrior, or him winning fights by being the more ruthless and uncaring participant.

His fight against three other angels in 13.07, for example... he had several opportunities to kill those angels and technically “win” that fight. But Cas is a better person than that. Three other angels were intent on capturing or killing HIM (which didn’t really seem to matter to them...), while Cas was intent on NOT harming them, you know? In a fight, it puts him at a disadvantage, but morally it puts him on the high ground.

Then during all his conversations with Lucifer, Cas gave just as good as he got. If that’s not the best flavor of Sassy Cassie, I don’t know what to tell you.

So... Cas has once again had his agency stripped from him, because that has ALWAYS been his struggle-- both in-story and on a metanarrative level-- and his story falls apart if it suddenly becomes something else. This is how his character development has always run, and how it will always run, until the last turn of the narrative wheel when we finally get to the end of the entire series.

This is how stories work.

And Cas is one of the most intensely profound character development arcs ever written. I can’t stand that his struggles with agency, depression, self-understanding, free will, happiness, love, and purpose can be reduced so frequently to whether or not he’s performing badassery in a particularly proscribed fashion at any given moment. It just seems... petty. And misses the point entirely.

I guess I take it so personally because I recognize stuff I’ve personally fought through in Cas’s arc... black depression and worthlessness... and hell if fighting my way out of that wasn’t one of the biggest (and yet still somehow ongoing) fights of my entire life. So to have someone suggest that somehow this still just isn’t good enough for them feels like a very personal Fuck You, you know? So I’m sorry if this came off a bit angry and defensive.

Might I suggest that Cas doesn’t need to punch things or kill things or terrify things all the time in order to be badass? Sometimes simply fighting through the worst of his personal struggles with himself and living to see the sun shine another day is far more badass than stabbing some idiot in the face.

Cas’s struggle with his own agency, with his own free will, with his own choices about who and what he is and wants to do and to be IS his story. And it’s insanely badass to me.

[wesknox]

☒ FACTS ABOUT W E S

FULL NAME: Wesley Ronald Knox

NICKNAMES: Wes, Weslington, Weasel, Wessy

BIRTHPLACE: Brighton and Hove, East Sussex

BIRTH DATE: 28th of December 2001

CURRENT AGE: 16

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Homosexual

EYE COLOR: Blue

HAIR COLOR: Blonde

BODY MODIFICATIONS: Piercing on the left bottom lip

HEIGHT: 6 ft 2 (190 cm)

WEIGHT: 179 pounds (81 kg)

RELIGION: Christian-Catholic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single

✔ L I K E S

Junk food, rock/indie/alternative music, poems, Charles Dickens’ books, Netflix, getting lost on the wrong side of Youtube, Brandon Urie’s voice, karaoke bars, midnight talks with Kyle, Edgar Allen Poe, going for late walks with Hamlet, gay bars/clubs, Maya Angelou, playing the guitar and chewing gum.

✘ D I S L I K E S

Bad grammar, homophobes, when his mum doesn’t have time for him, ignorance, pineable on pizza, any kind of sport, Mr. Creevey, shopping with Ronnie, maths, people interrupting him and people talking shit about people he cares about.

▲ T R A I T S

☼ GOOD: Reliable, charismatic, loyal, communicative and generous.

☢ BAD: Lazy, forgetful, dreamy, persistent, chaotic, stubborn, unstable and insecure.

☒ B A C K S T O R Y

- Wes’ mother works as a nurse and works basically ALL the time, that’s why she sent Wes to Clifton, she hated leaving him alone for days in a row. His mother is the most loving, generous and kind-hearted person you’ll ever meet. Wes admires her a lot for the things she does on a daily, working her ass off to help others. Although he doesn’t get to see her often, his mother is his rock. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen her without dark bags under her eyes, messy hair and scrub but she seems to be happy, so he is happy for her. His mum got him at a young age, so she’s a young mum and definitely proud of her “sunshine”. Her choice of men hasn’t been so lucky in the past; men coming and going and Wes always there to pick up the pieces. 

- Wes grew up without a father. His dad left him and his mother for another family when Wes was only a two years old. He doesn’t have any memories of him other than the birthday and Christmas cards he’s sending every year. Wes hates his father, every mention of him but easily sees a dad figure in every male adult or person of authority like teachers or doctors. A therapist would call it “daddy issues”.

- Wes also does have three paternal half sisters but he’s never seen or talked to any of them; just knows about the mere existence. He’s never been curious to find out more about them and since ignoring his father’s cards worked so far, he wants to keep it that way.

- Wes found his love for poetry and pretty words at a pretty early age. His kindergartener always read poems before afternoon nap and little Wes was so fascinated by the words being used, he begged his mum to get him all kind of kids editions of famous poem collections. She never understood it, she herself never having anything to do with poetry at all, but she accepted it. Not like she had much of choice when your five year old begs you for books. When Wes got older, he started writing some himself, his English teacher encouraging and challenging him. He liked Wes and Wes liked him. He saw only good in Wes, predicting a great future but unfortunately his mum never got to hear any of the good feedback he had on her son.

- He met his best friend, Kyle, in primary school and have been best friends ever since. Kyle is one of the most important people in Wes’ life, if not the most important. He can always count on him, no matter the time, no matter the circumstance. Kyle is Wes’ personal protector and never let anyone being mean to Wes slide. When the both of them started high school at Clifton, Ronnie came to the mix and the three have been inseperable since. Ronnie was exactly what he wished for Kyle; she was absolutely perfect for him.

- When Wes was thirteen he began struggling with his self-esteem. He thought he was too pale, too scrawny, too tall and his forming acne didn’t help the case either. He started showing symptoms of a mild depression, locking himself in his room unless it was Kyle who wanted to see him. His mum blamed herself and her constant absence and immediately sent him off to multiple therapy sessions, all of which didn’t help a whole lot. He hated it. 

- A year later, he realized he was gay. You could say, he always kind of knew that something was different, if his crush on Harry Potter was anything to go by, but at the age fourteen he admitted to himself after pining after Joey Carpenter for the longest time and jerking off to his school picture that he, in fact, liked dick and dick only. Later that summer, him and Joey Carpenter’s best friend started dating. The irony, huh. Although secretly, but Wes did believe he was in love back in the day and he would’ve done anything for Tim, that was his name. It was his first and only boyfriend, his first gay experience so more than handjobs and blowjob was not in it. They dated for three months but sooner or later, Wes found flithy texts to another boy on Tim’s phone. Not long after that, they broke up.

- At 15, Wes had his first time with a guy named Blake. Blake was older, hot and experienced. He met Blake at Why Not?, a gay bar in Bristol. Wes was immediately attracted to him, absolutely drawn to the authority the older radiated. Him and Blake went on a date or two until Wes let Blake fuck him. It hurt, but it was hot and Wes was happy he finally got it over with. How things go, the both of them ended things rather quickly after that and Wes started to get around. Thanks to his fake ID it was possible for him to lie about his age and sleep with guys older than he was at the time.

- Wes wanted a piercing. Not just any piercing but a lip piercing and he wanted it bad. Wes wasn’t old enough to get it done by himself, so when he asked his mother for approval, it was a no brainer. “Are you sure?” is all she asked and when Wes nodded enthusiastically, she signed the papers without second-guessing a thing. The next day, him and Kyle went to get pierced together.

- When it got out at school that Wes Knox was gay, most people took it well and were very accepting of the news while some people gave him disapproving looks. Especially a group of jocks made it their mission to make Wes’ life extraordinarily hard. Steven Dally, the leader of the pack definitely had it out for Wes and always had a stupid, homophobic remark on his tongue when he saw Wes. It was childish, and truly, Wes tried not to take it to heart, not the way Kyle did anyway. It wasn’t until he gave Steven Dally a blowjob in the showers after PE that the bullying got out of hand. Wes figured it was his way of dealing with regret or fear, but he ignored it for as long as he could until one afternoon Steven and his friends beat him up until he was spitting blood and his nose was broken. 

- Wes was seeking revenge. Something in his mind wanted to see Steven hurt in a way humanly unimaginable and it went further than seeing Kyle punch Steven in the face and him being expelled the next day. No, it had to go way deeper than that. On a way more emotional basis. So he set up a profile of a girl named Nicole Jennings. Nicole was pretty, young, independent and absolutely irressistable. Every guy’s wet dream. What started out as a plan to get back at Steven Dally, turned into something way more... fun. 

- It was a good laugh. Kyle and him laughing at the sexual frustrated guys that were more than willing to share all kind of pictures with Nicole, but soon their nightly rituals of laughing at other people’s expense lost its charm to Kyle and he told Wes to delete Nicole’s profile. But Wes didn’t do as told and started to find a liking in being Nicole, in being someone else -- no, he took things even further. He was insecure and as Nicole, he had all the guys wrapped around his little finger. He sexted, broke hearts without even a blink of his eye or showing any kind of remorse. It didn’t matter to him, because he was being someone else. He didn’t have to face any sort of consequences. 

- It wasn’t until he found Jake Seringway on Facebook. Jake being recommended as “people you may also know” and while Wes would’ve definitely remembered a face like Jake’s, he looked at his profile anyway and looked through the things Jake Seringway liked, what kind of photos he posted, what kind of people he hung out with and what schools he went to. Although Jake didn’t seem like the guy to accept  a stranger’s friend request, Wes, disguised as beautiful Nicole Jennings, tried his luck anyway - and a few hours later, Jake accepted it.

- What Wes knows now, Jake was different from the start. He wasn’t needy or frustrated, he was full of life and honest interest. While Wes texted with other guys beside Jake, Jake was his favourite person to talk to, the person he would always drop everything for in order to answer his texts. He stayed up long nights in order to talk to Jake, to hear how his day was and what his dreams and aspirations are. Wes himself revealed so much of himself, something he didn’t do before, but it was so easy with Jake and he wanted him to know. Sooner or later, Jake was all Wes thought about. During class, they would text each other and Wes got in so much trouble for texting (damn Mr. Creevey), but he didn’t care and before he knew it, he was falling. Hard and undeniably. All the other boys were irrelevant and all that mattered was JakeJakeJake. After months of texting they agreed to be a couple, Wes always finding an excuse as to why they can’t meet up. Although there was this big, massive lie in between them, Wes was happy and for the first time in his life, truly in love.

- Jake transfered to Clifton when Wes was in year 9 and to say it was a shock, would be the understatement of the year. Jake was even more beautiful in real life; muscular with long legs, a nice butt and that smile had Wes weak in the knees. Wes would’ve loved to snog him right then and there and just blurt out the whole truth, that hey, it’s me, I’m Nicole. I’m your girlfriend. Wes wanted to end it as soon as he saw Jake for the first time. Suddenly everything got so real, too real and it dawned on Wes what the hell he was actually doing, playing someone so dirty. One time he ran into Jake and talked to him for the first time as Wes and Wes was a stuttering mess but Jake was so kind and so nice and so straight and Wes wanked that night until he started to cry.

- The day he told Jake, was the worst of his life so far. He hated himself -- he was downright disgusted with himself. How could he ever look into Jake’s eyes again or anyone’s for that matter after what he did? He deserved the black eye he was sporting for two weeks and even more than that. He faked being sick for a week until Grimmy found out and forced him back to classes. Wes underwent heartbreak for the first time in his life.

- When Jake and him started to be something like friends, he couldn’t believe his luck. Couldn’t believe this was happening after all he’s done, but he figured it was typical and so Jake because Jake was kind, nice and all the things Wes wasn’t - not after what he did. 

- Wes hasn’t slept with anyone since going out with Jake as Nicole. Even now, while the both of them are still friends, Wes can’t bring himself to go see someone else, even if it’s just sex. Not when everything seems like Jake might give him a chance. Not when Jake kisses him and acts like it didn’t happen the next two weeks. Not when Jake is still the main inspiration in his poetry.

- Wes usually chills in his room, listening You Me At Six or pines over Brendon Urie’s jawline. The latter he would easily deny. He works on his poems and tries not to make any enemies or stand out, which to be fair is going along quite smoothly since him, Kyle and Ronnie do not quite fit the popular type. People would probably refer to the trio as misfits and none of them seem to mind. Kyle with his colourful hair that change every month, Ronnie with her idiotic yet adorable bowties and Wes.. being, well, Wes.

- After Clifton, Wes wants to study Creative Writing at NYU. He’s always had this straight fascination with New York and it’s always been his dream to someday move and live there. While he’s going to miss his mum, he believes she won’t be sad for too long, her first love always being her job. He wants to be a writer and inspire people with his words, just like Edgar Allen Poe, Charles Dickens or Maya Angelou did.