#but his NAME IS RONALD MCDONALD OKAY

[maccharliedennis]

Fic concept that somebody should totally steal from me number 5:

Dennis is still in denial about, or unaware of , the fact that he’s in love with Mac and cannot figure out for the life of him WHY he keeps having BIG GAY DREAMS ABOUT MAC

(I was having a lot of fun playign with brushes okay)

[jellazticious]

bing bong bootleg SS au

very long ramble under the C

stuff are subjected to change

The working title isn't solidified but I'm leaning on either Candy Castle or Pastry Castle

Tho I think I'm gonna go for pastry cuz it has the same amount of letters as castle much like pizza and tower have the same number too

The tower is a gingerbread castle. According to a friend of mine (It's Beefy, it's always Beefy go follow him) that Hispanics love their bakeries and yeah, I guess that makes sense. Not only do I have a theme based on the protag's culture but also the theme gets narrowed down to just baked sweets. Candy in general is too broad, I would die figuring out how to put every kind of sweet in it, and if I did it's gonna be really cluttered hooboy

Noise is called Theo because that's Peppino's name formula. Peppino is a nickname for Giuseppe so I thought I'd give Noise's swap a nickname to Theodore as the main name

Hazel Nutt is pretty self explanatory cuz Noisette means hazelnut in French

Their outfits are pretty simple to mirror Peppino and Gustavo's with just coloured shirts and aprons

Hazel doesn't get a mount because she would have Theo's prototype rocket skates. Just like Gus, she would have different stages of getting used to the skates per floor. First she gets blasted from end to end cuz she can't control the thrust. Second, she manages to turn it off but she's trying to keep balance on it. Third, she catches her breath now that she could stand still without moving or slipping. Next she would make a card castle, in reference to the very castle they're inside. and lastly she'd be holding a box of sweets without giving a shit about the scary floor.

To parallel the og Noisette, Hazel would smile bigger when Theo faces her direction.

Hazel is also Theo's delivery gal to match and switch with how Peppino WAS Gustavo's delivery guy

The "kick the rat" function would be Hazel swinging one of the skates and the cops grabbing Brick would instead hold a weapon detector that also functions as a magnet

Unlike Peppino, Theo is more aggressive than anxious. Imagine an injured cat defending itself from what it thinks is a threat

the name of Pizzaface's swap is Pieface for obvious reasons 😭

but HEAR ME OUT

both pizzaface and pieface are used as insults. pizza face is used for people with so much acne and pie face is used for someone with a flat face or dull expression. It isn't just a pun on what food the characters are made of. Pieface is also a reference to the trope where people headshot other people with pies. With the mech floating towards the protag, it would look like a pie is being thrown and targeted at Theo

Honestly drawing what food makes his face is so fun. Did you know that before the croissant smile it was supposed to be syrup shaped to a smile? The nose was a long whip of cream before turning into a cut strawberry for the mustache effect

Pizzahead's candy version would be called Gingerhead because of how ridiculous it sounds.

Gingerhead is based on Willy Wonka much like how Pizzahead is based on Ronald McDonald which is why he has more of a showman look than a clown look

okay side note, it just occured to me how ironic PH being based on Ronald is considering McDo's isn't a pizza place

actually Wonka doesn't even sell cakes and shit so, I guess it's fair game

Theo has the nickname Muffinman to reference the rhyme. but this time, it's the gingerbreadman chasing the baker

Next up is Mr S, who would be Peppino but he becomes rich. Mr S is the stage name he uses. He is a known celebrity much as Noise is but he is more of a boxer than a host. Like Dwayne Johnson or something. His name is partially a reference to ResEvil's Mr X, another absolute unit of a guy

also the reason why he doesn't wear a shirt. He's committing to the bit. If he needs to cover himself when he isn't playing a role, then there's his robe. He doesn't take out his mask most of the time tho

Mr S's mask is based on the Chef Raider design but also part of the scrapped superhero design much like Pizzano. Actually speaking of Pizzano, S is characterized so similarly to him cuz Pizzano is the only SS character who was actually written well to my standards. To be fair we've seen too much of Peppino to flunk characterizing him sksksk

Since this is Peppino that Mr S is based on, he's not as tech savvy or as self centered as Noise so he doesn't have robots that look like himself. Instead he has ants for a crew

the ants swap the place of rats. the rats in PT reference the new york pizza rat while ants just generally eat your food especially if it's sweet when left alone for five minutes

the ants come from Mr G, who would be Gustavo's swap with Noisette. He's Mr S's lawyer. at the end of S's bossfight, G would snatch him away with Click (the ant) because S would make a foul and embarrassing move on live camera

I can't seperate Gustavo and Brick so Click stays with Mr G instead of assisting Hazel

inside what would be Noisette cafe, instead of Mr G and Click being behind the counter, they would be sitting as customers next to Caraman. the barista isn't seen anywhere

Honestly when I'm writing everyone, my logic of swapping them isn't "make them switch places AND personalities" but more of "write every single one of them with the og personality because giving them a different lifestyle/role would drastically change their motives and how they behave"

I'm practically just swapping each character's place of birth

I mentioned this because it's kinda funny with Noisette and Gus since they play the exact same role of assisting Peppino/Noise so swapping them won't change much in how they act. They also have the same cheery and welcoming personality by default so Hazel and Mr G would act REALLY similar to their og

The only difference is that Gustavo can be threatening whenever Peppino fucks up. It fits right in with being a lawyer for the same goon

Now we got Mel Caraman who would become this au's Vigi. Lemme just say off the bat that Caraman is just as delusional as Vigi. He gets hired as a guard for floor 2 and took it way too seriously that he thinks he's some sort of sentinel. Hired as a guard but thinks he's an ancient guardian or something

his name vaguely references James Bond because you also VAGUELY get "caramel" out of "Caraman, Mel Caraman"

Caraman is a caramel apple but he's half glazed to form an eyemask. he's also got a stick poking out his head that stretches his chorro hat. the big hat makes him look cooler anyways. Bro I was so ready to settle for a shitty wild west mayor hat and I owe Beefy one for suggesting a new hat. I was gonna make him look like Doug Dimmadome with the short brimmed tall hat😭😭😭

but yeah Caraman doesn't have the same dignity as Vigi does. He can fight crime decently on normal circumstances and badass when he's full serious. But like day in day out he's so obnoxious about looking for crime that people get tired of him nor would they take him seriously

he would also be mistaken for a pepper

Next to last, Cam M. Bert or just Bert who would take place of Pepperman. he's an artist who appreciates the world instead of himself, a freelancer also. There was only a bossfight because he was coincidentally commissioned to make a mural for the castle the same time Theo busts in. He didn't like how Theo ruined some of his works with his rush to open the door

Bert is a cream cheese instead of a cheese slime. his beret is actually a little cherry to distinguish him from the other creams.

Bert is really chill and humble, He's like Bob Ross, whenever he can, he'd try to talk about how every beauty in the world should be immortalized through a canvas

In parallel to Vigi's delusion of thinking he's a human, Bert thinks he's actually a living painting (which is completely possible for someone to be in the PT world since Pepperman was able to do it with his own art)

instead of a :{ face that Vigilante has, Bert has a :3 face

the naming formula is taken directly from Vigi

Vig E. Lantte

Cam M. Bert

There is a type of sweet cheese that's really creamy called camembert which his name is a direct reference from. Here is a picture of a camembert since it's hella cute

Camembert cheese was also suggested by Beefy, brother thank you for not allowing me to name this cunt Creamlad

Mr Lardo would be in place of Mr Stick but his motive is that he's collecting Theo's money on BEHALF of Mr Stick. They're probably the only ones who completely stay intact because there's not much canon info of Stick WITHIN the game itself I also feel he's a crossover character from his own "series" with how long McPig has him prior to PT so I just swap the character who makes the "cameo"

The toppins are still called toppins because they'd be used to decorate a cake or pie. They would be

Strawberry - Mushroom

Cream - Cheese

Cookie - Tomato

Icing (in a piping bag) - Sausage

actually I dont know yet for the pineapple but I'll get to it. I've only been figuring out this au since four days ago....

Lastly (of the characters), the Faker in this would be mechanical to match the original Noise's familiarity in robots

Fake Theo (temp name) would be engineered to be "Theo but way better" while actually being succesful with it. Faker would also sort of look like a mini figure of a ballerina. Referencing The Nutcracker

Opposite to Fake Peppino, Fake Theo is more graceful than terrifying but it's so uncanny how unnaturally pretty it is

and now some misc stuff

Title of the final level is When The Cookie Crumbles

the pepper pizza will be replaced with an extremely sweet pie and the immunity is caused by the sugar rush from it

Pizza Time is called Crunch Time

Pillar John would be a giant graham cracker since the walls are made of cookies instead of bricks. Gerome however, is a solidified bar of brownies. like a shittily made brownie that it just turned into a construction brick

Snotty is a pure white cream cheese and that's cuz he's actually made of glue. His name is Sticky

Pigs would either be bears or rabbits with how many times those two animals represented sweets

I'm gonna be clear with everyone here. I literally made this au cuz I'm going insane trying to make swap stuff with Pascal/Stefano when the au itself is so empty. sure it's colourful but it's so empty like I can't draw SS characters outside of poses

I tried like doing fanon modifications as I always do then there's so much I "modified" that at this point it's not Sugary Spire anymore. Just straight up a completely different au. The only similarity is that it's a swap au with sweets

it is what it is yknow. this is my life now. I said fuck it and went with the flow and boom, new personal au that I poured too much into

basically I blame Pascal for this

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

It's almost new years.

ATSV came out almost six months ago.

And I am still neck-fuckin deep in my Hobie obsession.

I didn't even know who he WAS last January 1st.

If you had walked up to me on New Years Day 2023 and looked me in the eyes and said "the majority of this year you'll be feigning for a nigga named Hobart. he will invade your every thought.'

I'd be like

'excuse me bitch pardon???'

cause what mfer named HOBART got game??? Who is this nonexistent 'Hobart' who'll have me tripping 🤨🤨 I think not tf

PLUS if you were like 'oh yeah he's British'

Now look at me. Look at what I've become. Girl what the hell happened??

You'd think Marvel put some Winter Soldier ass codewords in my mind and the minute I saw Hobie that shit kicked in like I was a Russian soldier on a goddamn mission

This shit ain't cute no mo I got a drawing of him open in Photoshop I got a Hobie essay drafted and open in wordpad and I got his name searched on Pinterest in another tab just in case I need the emotional support

I went to go see a lil ha-ha cartoon in the cinemas and got my whole ass year derailed that ain't okay

A stick bug in bright red Ronald McDonald Bozo The Clown shoes got me in a chokehold.

I looked at this photo last night at 3am and nearly started crying Can you believe this bullshit

[neoyi]

Sea of Stars DLC, Throes of the Watchmaker ...watched. Time for obsessive commentary. Let's do this, motherfuckers!

Okay, so, I wasn't expecting this game to do anything with Keenathan's name other than as a repeating joke, but apparently it's plot relevant to this DLC oh my GoD.

I wonder if Horloge is inside the big clock located in the Watchmaker's room? When she told us explicitly not to touch it, I just assumed it as part of her nature to be proud and protective of her work; it is a very intricate clock. But maybe it serves as a gateway to another world all along. Which brings up the question: can she travel through time and space?

I will not be using the local 3-player co-op mode because I am a hermit, but I'm vastly curious to see how this will be implemented. I assume they're going by New Super Mario Bros logic in that if anyone is pushed off-screen, they'll probably be bubblized and transported to where the other player characters are.

Circles aesthetics aren't my jam (I never particularly vibe with clowns especially; to me, they all look like gaudy Ronald McDonalds.) But they tend to go hand-in-hand with late 19th century steampunk aesthetics which IS my jam. So, yeah, I have a feeling I'm gonna be taking a lot of screencaps of this game.

GOD, YES! I was sad that the Artificer wouldn't be playable despite his adorable frog robot design really lending himself as a main party member kinda look. Then I found out via the artbook that he would be for the DLC and lo and behold, there's my cutie-patootie froggo! I love him! I can't wait to play him!

Okay, I was really curious how they were going to consider the Resh'an issue since he replaces himself with a puppet late in the game. For that matter, the Garl issue, too, since he dies in the main plot and reviving him is entirely optional (though necessary for true ending.) Would the DLC have accounted for the change or not dependent on where the story would take place? But it seems like they just solved that problem by having only Zale and Valere enter. Which is a shame, because it might mean the rest of the party members don't get to go to Horloge, including any new dialogue from them. Here's hoping we can still explore the place with the other party members after finishing the DLC's plot or something.

For that matter, will the Artificer be a playable character only in the DLC? Or will Sabotage Studio account for the change and place him as a permanent seventh team member?

What, exactly, is Horloge that it can change the rules that forces Zale and Valere to acquire new skills to accommodate their Solar and Lunar magic? Perhaps this land truly is another world that their entire magic system ended up altered because it wasn't compatible with this world. That or someone very powerful (the Puppeteer?) can command such a rule that even the freakin' Solstice Warriors cannot overcome it so easily.

Hey, Pif and Pouf, you two are giving me major Zorn and Thorn vibes. You two start speaking in weird sentence structures and I'mma gonna break out the hammer.

I cannot elaborate how fucking cool looking Zale and Valere's clones, the Feral Queen and Narcis King looks.

And it goes without saying how much the Puppeteer looks like the Watchmaker. I'm guessing either a sibling or an alternate version of herself. Safer bet is on the latter if Sabotage Studio games is really leaning on the multiverse thing. The DLC IS called "Throes of the Watchmaker", which means there must be some involvement of her beyond a gatekeeper of a Clock Circus World or something. Like I have read the canon info that she is the Shopkeeper's ancestor, so could this DLC connect those specific dots?

Yes, it's a meme. Yes, it's kind of old and tiring. No, I do not care, I want to see a train getting suplex'd.

[patricia-von-arundel]

FOR ANYONE IN FLORIDA:

Governor Ronald McDonald McDipshit is trying to require public colleges to hand over info on transgender (or, I assume, otherwise gender-nonconforming) students.

Under both FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act) and HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), this is illegal.

FERPA protects your college records if that college receives federal funding. Under FERPA, even your parents cannot request your grades, your classes, or your medical records in the hands of the college (among other things). Circumstances under which records can be shared without your authorization are limited:

"FERPA generally prohibits disclosure without consent, either internally or externally, of personally identifiable information from education records. But it permits (although it does not require) such disclosure without consent in certain situations. These include:

1. to other school officials, including teachers, within the institution who the college determines have legitimate educational interests;

2. to the parents of a student under age 21 concerning the student's violation of any federal, state, or local law or school policy or rule governing alcohol or drug use or possession; and

3. in connection with a health or safety emergency."

(https://www.cga.ct.gov/2005/rpt/2005-R-0195.htm)

HIPAA applies to all medical records, whether held by a college, a hospital, or a private doctor's office. Again, there are guidelines for exactly when your information can be shared without express, written permission from you:

"The Privacy Rule sets rules and limits on who can look at and receive your health information

To make sure that your health information is protected in a way that does not interfere with your health care, your information can be used and shared:

For your treatment and care coordination

To pay doctors and hospitals for your health care and to help run their businesses

With your family, relatives, friends, or others you identify who are involved with your health care or your health care bills, unless you object

To make sure doctors give good care and nursing homes are clean and safe

To protect the public's health, such as by reporting when the flu is in your area

To make required reports to the police, such as reporting gunshot wounds"

In other words, DeSantis cannot legally access your medical (or other college) records, either through the college itself, a hospital, or an individual.

Both FERPA and HIPAA are federal programs, so they apply no matter where you are in the US and how much DeSantis stomps his little feet and yells. FERPA protects your educational records; HIPAA protects your medical records (specifically, PHI, or Protected Health Information). DeSantis could ask to know how many people at the Mickey Mouse Medical Hospital have received prescriptions for hormones, had top or bottom surgery, etc., but he cannot demand access to your name, SSN, birthdate, specific treatment records, etc., unless you provide written authorization for him to do so. Along the same lines, he could demand the College of Rats in the Kitchen and Gators on the Stage tell him how many students total identify as transgender, nonbinary, genderfluid, gender non-conforming, etc. He could even ask for the average GPA of trans students compared to cis students (as a whole). But he cannot - again - ask for your personal records, or any of the information therein, without your express permission.

Don't panic, okay? I know the federal government isn't always trustworthy, but I've spent enough time dealing with both FERPA and HIPAA to know that they take this stuff very seriously. If you need to contact someone about a violation of either -

FERPA (college records) is under the US Department of Education, and you can find more info on reporting a potential violation here:

HIPAA (which covers all your medical info) is under the US Health and Human Services' Office of Civil Rights, and you can find more info on reporting a violation here:

At the moment, DeSantis is requesting only information not covered by either HIPAA or FERPA: "Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is asking state universities for the number and ages of their students who sought gender dysphoria treatment, including sex reassignment surgery and hormone prescriptions, according to a survey released Wednesday."

Source:

If you are concerned that your records either as a student or a patient may have been shared without your permission, either because of this or in any other circumstance, you have rights.

Hang in there.

[queermania]

We need a sound clip of all of those haha

ask and ye shall receive

transcript: [french accent] sam winchester… merci. oh. okay i farted big deal stop fainting. do you need to go to timeout? okay. don’t touch the holes in my knees! answer-answer her question. do you use conditioner? no, we’re gonna have to clean the sheets. he sweats. it looks like you fellatio’d ronald mcdonald. i’m-i'm kirby. and i don’t–i don’t know who you are. you guys... i mean you look just like ‘em. it drives! his eyeballs are vibrating. will you just drink your fucking water and get off the stage? what you gonna do about it, daddy? put a little cocktail sauce on that you’ll be fine. those were raw. lisa? [french accent] …okay? [high pitched] what did i tell him? name it and say goodbye. fuck you steven. and i’m sorry, sir, you’re an actor, right? that i am. it’s listed right there. sir, can you ride a bike? nope, but if you look a little further, you’ll see that i can bicycle tour. i did. i did. as i do. do you like cheese curds or onion rings? [gagging]. i brought it with me. [irish accent] one two three four five. no, you’re wrong. who said that? he was deceased! now you’re super angry. y’all are fucked up. dean has no taste, clearly. fireplace. he’s in the fireplace. don’t send that my way! yeah i didn’t like that. i’m gonna foot-five your face. not me! because he’s my friend. no, man, i get better with age. y’all pack a punch. i’ve learned not to let them do that now. [danneel voice] she’s like food. food. and like i’ve met her. jesus. he can't help you now. he loved it. this is not a thinking question. i think it's herbal essence. aah there it is!

[bwobgames]

Previous First

Credits scene

It's been multiple months since the mansion incident

The legal case lasted a good while, but no evidence was found against any of the survivors, so they are okay now.

The blood did not leave their clothes. They got new ones.

Oliver Beebo wakes up another day in his apartment. While a lot of his nights have bizarre nightmares, this one was calm.

Even though they are no longer on vacation, Ángel still stayed on Oliver's apartment, but they plan on staying some time in the capital, just to see what it's like.

He uses all types of products he can find to heal his scar. Beebo doesn't mind much. it's part of the job, he says.

They've been living a calm and domestic day to day life, with ups and down.

The downs are, very down indeed

But the ups are more often.

They got matching tattoos of a sunrise, it makes them feel better.

Oliver has started taking cases again, but he's going for simpler ones.

He has told his fellow detectives to keep an eye out for seemingly supernatural cases.

Ángel has declared that he will invite himself to any case that involves a haunted house. Oliver doesn't fight him on it

They both have gained new fears

Ángel gets very anxious when they're separated for too long. He's also terrible at guessing what time it is

Oliver makes a great effort in overcoming his fear of heights. It's a work on progress.

He's also afraid of developing any kind of memory affecting disease. He keeps an incredibly detailed diary

They are getting help. It's slow and nonlinear, but they can always go to a warm home with a cuddly cat and a tight hug.

Vivi invites Oliver for an exclusive 2-player session with Ángel, as a test for his dnd abilities, she says.

While he's not that good at the role playing, he's very good at strategy. He really enjoys lawful characters.

They have fun.

Marigold and Nina were also invited. It made for a very chaotic group.

Ángel wants to start a new game so he can upload it to his newly made youtube channel

He wasn't satisfied with a normal 9 to 5, so he decided for a more creative job.

He's slowly rising, with titles such as "Doing the 100 babies challenge in The sims 4," "RLcraft hardcore for 100 days", "Top 10 facts about Dominion the jewel thief", "Finishing Overcooked with all stars ft. Vivi", and his personal favorite, "Speedrunning Escape rooms with my bf ❤️"

He claims to be Dominion's number one fan and sells plushies of him. Oliver will never admit he bought one.

Apparently, he is considered a cryptid in Ángel's channel, which he appreciates.

The now officially named Iraola family invites them to events quite often, it's very nice to have a friend group

Game nights are... quite extreme

Turns out teenagers can be very competitive and capable

Nadia and Ángel have a scoreboard set up. The winner gets decided at New years.

Oliver has managed to keep his throne as the master of any and all card games, but for how long?

He can't wait for Christmas, he plans on giving Simon a cool anti-eye contact hat.

Even though he's still terrified of the concept of fatherhood, he really enjoys being an uncle.

Speaking of such, Ángel had to meet his parents. It was awkward at first, but he managed to win them over with his knowledge of old cinema and pretty boy charm.

Oliver met the Ronald Mcdonald statue by Ángel's childhood house. He has a picture with it.

Ángel's mother was sweet, hardworking, and strict. She was not afraid of telling her son how he should be a better gentleman towards Oliver. It was... an eventful night. It's a good thing the lady enjoys mystery novels.

They celebrated Nadia's birthday in spring, cordially invited.

Everyone was sure Ángel would give her a gag gift, like a cd to a boy band she doesn't like or an ugly shirt.

He gave her a key code to an expensive editing software.

She was grateful but refused to say so. She plans on retaliating with an equally thoughtful gift.

They are slowly learning to get along, like a pair of cats that need to be separated by a door when they first meet.

In other news, Oliver recently received an autism diagnosis. He was very surprised. Ángel wasn't. He baked him a cake for the occasion.

The biggest event had to be the wedding

On a warm spring day, in the middle of a flower field, Marigold Iraola and Nina Coli got married.

There was some bad press about it, but a certain reporter was very enthusiastic about how beautiful of an union this was, unlike the previous one.

Marigold decided to disband Coli's company, making a new one herself.

It specializes in medical equipment.

They saw the newlyweds say their vows, Oliver couldn't help but yearn for a moment like that.

He and Ángel danced the evening away

Between the multiple friends of the wives waiting for the bouquet toss, there was a determined man in white

And like a cat to a shiny object

He jumped and got it

They decide spring is a great season for a wedding.

They don't decide which spring though

That's for the future to know.

In a non-specific urban city like any other, an office awakes

Oliver Beebo is ready to start another day on his detective business

[yumimaus]

All your life was pretty boring. Being a normal child, the middle child to be precise, you went to school, graduated fairly well and now you finally began your Pokemon journey with 21 years old. Your first Pokemon was Chimchar.

Still, you weren't ecstatic. It was going pretty good. Six gym badges were already received and you were getting ready to fight Candice, but first you had to collect snow clothing.

Bored out of your mind you went to the next shoppingcenter to gather clothes.

You were scrolling through some clothes on some clothehangers when some of the TV's in the shop blew up with news of the new sinnoh championship which starts in two months. They seem to have the urge to present the elite four and the champ.

It appeared that they came out of some kind of tunnel, one after another.

You weren't really paying attention, while others in the store were swooning over the celebrity status they inhabit. You could just roll your eyes at that fake fame. You never believed in the celebrity status in the first place, no matter how well known someone is or was.

"What a stupidity. Losing their shit over something that trivial...", you mumbled while looking for some warm baggy pants. "Yeah right? Didn't see myself as famous either. Hey, name's Flint, fancy meetin' ya.", a voice rang in your ears. Pleasant and calm, not arrogant, but boyish. You look next to you and see a young man, around your age with an yellow shirt, baggy gray pants, red suspenders hanging around his waist, black thick chocker around his throat and around his arms he wore similar two bracelets on each wrist, but the same thickness, brown flipflops and he had a bright red afro, that stood out pretty much. 'Talking about Ronald McDonald...', you thought, but you were a little thrown off of his pure gray eyes, clear skin complexion and an boyish charming smirk on his lips.

Your mind wandered somewhere else for several moments until you snapped back to reality once again. "Yo, my name's y/n. What's a elite four member like you doin' around here? Vacation?", you introduced yourself fairly okay, but then proceeded to embarrass yourself with your stupid introverted anti-sentences and boy- could you slap yourself for it. You wanted to apologize for your attitude, but he beat you to it: "Hahaha, that's one hell of a greeting. I like that. Seems legit. At least you aren't holding back. And well no. No vacation, just simple training. Wanted to train my team for the upcoming championship. You take part in it too or what's ya plan?"

You were thinking about your gym badges and then you kinda had the chance to see this guy again.- STOP! Why were you even thinking about such thing? You were never interested in other human beings before or liked to see someone twice in your life, if it wasn't necessary, but this time-?

"I... uh... sorry...? Yeah, training sounds good so far...? I... don't know. Maybe? Well I... uh- I'm about to get my seventh badge, so I guess I partake in the tournament? Why's that important?", you stammer and blabber stupid shit, before you fell into old habits of being an asshat again. Why couldn't you just socialize like everybody else? You wanted to smack your head into the nearest wall so bad and so hard, but the karma had other plans with you. "Hey nice, then I hope seeing you there but I won't make it easy on ya, so you know. You know what? Here's my number. Text me, will ya? See ya 'round Y/N, hopefully soon. And I can't emphasize this enough...- Text. Me.", he winks at you and writes his phone number on your arm and then with a last warm goodbye he left the store.

With an open mouth you stood there like a fish without water and looked at your arm. Why would he want for you to text him? Many many irritating feelings are starting to bubble up in your stomach and you KNOW that something will happen...

[sewerratzz]

finch give me like a v short synopsis of always sunny in Philadelphia and then link like ur fav always sunny in Philadelphia fics uve written so i can read it please

ohmigosh you have given me a huge challenge here OKAY SO

very basic is that Always Sunny is about this group of people that absolutely suck !! and like, it's not even like they're nice to each other (well. sometimes. most of the time no), they literally are just the worst people ever. like this perfectly sums up this group

this is The Gang. in order, their names are Charlie Kelly, Dee Reynolds, Frank Reynolds, Dennis Reynolds, and Ronald "Mac" McDonald. yes his name is ronald mcdonald. the reveal of this being his name is hilarious

they all have many issues. like so many. severe issues. they refuse to acknowledge them or deal with them or change at all.

[ofc you don't necessarily have to watch the show before reading my fics but i will always reccomend watching it in general because i love this show an unhealthy amount. Charlie is literally why my url is sewerratzz & the reason my first chosen name was charlie. i <3 him hes my fav]

there's not really much plot at all to this show. it's just stuff happening. it's great & i love it

most of my sunny fics are Charlie/Mac, so a brief exposition for their relationship is that they both have horrible home lives and parents, and they've been each other's best & only friend since elementary school. god early seasons charmac save me. they have many moments throughout the show of being sweet to each other and they're my favourites

one fic of mine i love very much is a Deetress fic, so more exposition !! this ship is Dee [see above] and The Waitress, pictured here

she doesn't have a name in the show/in canon she is literally called the waitress since season 1. i also love her. she also sucks now !! she didn't before but the gang happened and she's really. yikes. poor her yk? she has a history with quite literally everyone in the gang, has slept with all of them (except dee. but you know, they're totally lesbians and if you watch the show they have 100% hate-fucked. TECHNICALLY HEADCANON BUT. yk. subtext :p) and Charlie specifically has stalked her for. years and years.

now my fics :p

[danothan]

im so deep in this hole that i just saw an ad with the words ronald mcdonald and wondered who paid actual money to commercialize their iasip meme

i only know one clown okay, his name is mac

[expectingtofly]

Incident at Playgroup

2.8k

fluff, established dean/cas, baby jack, human!cas, cas and dean terrorize other parents

dedicated to @thiscastielhasflown bc a few weeks ago we talked about tfw’s mcdonald’s orders and this fic happened. wishing you a good week with schoolwork assignments that only take half the time you expect them to, eventual restful sleep, and good grades <3

also posted on ao3

“Clown!” Jack yelled, pointing at the entrance to the McDonald’s indoor play area. A Ronald McDonald cardboard cutout guarded the door, holding a sign reading, You must be this tall to enter.

“Inside voice,” Dean said, though he wasn’t sure it mattered much when he could hardly hear himself speak. Recently, they’d joined a playgroup of parents and kids from Jack’s preschool, and this weekend, some of the moms had organized a playdate at the McDonald’s in town, one with a huge play area.

Meaning, they were now surrounded by screaming kids, diaper bags, and stressed out parents.

Dean winced as a kid shrieked from across the room. “We need to take a photo of you next to ol’ Ronald to show Sam.”

“Okay,” Jack agreed, jumping up and down in his chair.

Coming over with the tray of their food, Cas put out a hand to steady Jack’s chair. “That would be unnecessarily cruel."

Dean grabbed his Big Mac. “Yeah, well, he deserves it.” Before they’d come here today, Sam had repeatedly told them, quote, “please don't fuck this up again." Always was a polite bastard. “He’s gotta have more faith in us. What are we, amateurs?”

“Unfortunately, I believe that’s the point,” Cas said, sitting down and giving Jack his Happy Meal. “We don’t have the best track record with these sort of things.”

These ‘sort of things’ being playgroups. 

So, they’d tried a couple that hadn’t worked out. “Not like it’s our fault,” he said. “Take a seat, kid.” Jack ignored him, jumping in his seat as he waved to another toddler sitting nearby.

Cas beamed, holding onto the back of the chair. “He’s making friends, that’s a good sign.”

“Kid could make friends with a blank wall,” Dean said, but Cas was right—making friends was the whole point they were here. While Jack could make friends with just about anyone and anything—every crayon had a name and backstory, Cas’ trenchcoat was taken on make-believe-adventures, and the Impala could apparently talk, if Jack’s one-sided conversations during long car rides was anything to go off of—it was true that Jack was lacking in the friends-that-aren’t-hunters-or-over-a-decade-older category. There weren’t exactly many toddlers running around the bunker.

Hence, why they were spending their Saturday afternoon at the Hell on Earth known as McDonald's PlayPlace.

Jack held out the bag of apple slices that came in his Happy Meal. “Open.”

Dean stared him down and Jack added, “Peas.”

Close enough. Taking the bag, Dean told Cas, “Don’t look now, but Amanda is handing out brochures for Pampered Chef again.” According to Sam, that was another reason this playdate had to be a success—making friends with the right parents meant getting invited to more playdates and whatever other random events the parents came up with. It was like a weird society Dean had never known existed until Jack started preschool and started interacting with other kids his own age.

“I saw you using the food processor the other day,” Cas said, glancing over his shoulder to look despite Dean’s warning. Dean rolled his eyes. “I think it’s ingenious.”

“I’m not going to another two hour cooking demonstration.“

“Sam said we need to make a good impression.”

“He can go buy overpriced kitchen tools then.” It was a little too convenient that Sam had gotten out of taking Jack to this playdate—Dean had a suspicion that the multiple Ronald McDonalds stationed around had something to do with that.

He tried to hand Jack the apples, but Jack pointed at the play area. “Wanna play!”

“You have to finish your food,” Dean told him. Crossing his arms, Jack glared at him and stomped his foot on the chair.

“Just eat two more nuggets,” Cas told him. He picked up his filet-o-fish sandwich and glanced at Dean. “What?”

“You’re spoiling him.”

Jack stuffed his face with two chicken nuggets, which prompted Cas to give Dean a look. “Well, you’re teaching him bad table manners.”

Just to be obnoxious, Dean shoved half of his burger into his mouth in one bite. Jack laughed at him and Cas rolled his eyes.

“Done!” Jack announced, and Cas pushed his chair back so he could escape.

“These play places are gross,” Dean said, swallowing. “He’s gonna catch a disease.”

“Good thing he can’t get sick,” Cas said, watching Jack clamber up some stairs to reach a slide.

“Yeah, well I can,” Dean retorted. Jack went down the slide with a squeal. Landing at the bottom, he waved at them and Dean waved back.

“The Winchesters are here!” someone called too cheerily and Dean rolled his eyes, turning to see Ashley walking over. Lady thought she ran the group, always recruiting parents to bring snacks and toys to playdates. A little too high and mighty when Dean knew for a fact that the cupcakes she'd brought last week were store-bought.

Settling down into the seat next to them, she asked, “I wasn’t expecting you two today. Where’s Sam?”

Dean resisted rolling his eyes. Of course Sam was everyone’s favorite. Wasn’t his fault Sam was better at feigning interest in grocery lists and laundry piles. Parenting was hard enough without getting subjected to the unique torture of playgroup small talk.

“Him and Eileen went on a weekend trip,“ Cas answered easily and Dean nodded. They’d long given up trying to explain to others why Jack had a rotating list of parental figures accompanying him to playgroup, figuring if the other parents thought they were in a weird cult situation, at least that was better than them knowing the truth—like the fact that Sam and Eileen were away hunting a rugaru in Missouri. Though they were going to run out of excuses soon for why playgroup couldn’t be hosted at their place—an underground bunker with enough weapons to hold off an army.

“Well,” Ashley said, “I’m glad you guys were able to make it.” Yeah, that was a fake smile.

“We wouldn’t miss it,” Dean said, plastering on his own fake smile. “I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.” Cas kicked him under the table.

“We’ve loved having Jack in the group,” Ashley said, and that might not be a fake sentiment. Jack could charm anyone. “Such a sweetheart. Lily adores him.” She smiled at where Jack and her daughter Lily were crawling through a tunnel at the top of the play area.

“Jack, no!” Dean called, seeing Jack stick his fingers in his mouth. “I’m so getting sick,” he muttered under his breath.

He was trying to come up with an excuse to get away as Ashley pulled out her phone to show them a new post on her mommy blog—boring, same old content. Give him a blog and he’d actually have something interesting to say—when he heard familiar crying from across the play area.

Without a second thought, he was pushing back his chair and rushing over, squeezing past playing kids and their parents to find Jack sitting on the floor bawling his eyes out and a bigger kid standing over him.

“What the hell happened here?” he demanded. He went to pick up Jack, but Cas was already swooping in and grabbing him.

“He pushed me!” Jack managed through his sobs, and Dean turned on the older kid.

“What the hell’s your problem?” The kid’s baleful expression faltered. He took a step back and Dean advanced on him. “You get off on making kids half your size cry?”

“Don’t speak to my son that way!” someone exclaimed, pushing through the crowd of kids and parents to glare at them. “What’s going on?”

“Your son is a menace,” Cas told the woman—Denise. Playgroup gossip said her son had gotten held back from kindergarten due to his inability to ‘play nice with others.’ Jack’s crying had subdued to sniffles, but Cas still held onto him like he might break apart. “He was bullying our son.”

“I’m sure it was an accident.” She put her hand on the kid’s shoulder. “You didn’t mean to hurt him, right, Tommy?”

Tommy only glared at them, and Dean glared right back. “He needs to apologize to Jack,” Cas said.

“Tommy, apologize.”

After several long, drawn out seconds, Tommy muttered, looking down at his feet, “Sorry.”

“I don’t think that was a real apology,” Cas said.

“It’s not my fault Jack’s a crybaby,” Tommy shot back.

“You little—” Dean started

“Take that back,” Cas snapped, and if he wasn’t human, Dean would’ve expected his eyes to start glowing fiery blue. Denise’s eyes grew wide, her grip on Tommy’s shoulder tightening.

“Is there a problem here?” someone asked, and Dean turned to see a McDonald’s employee hurrying over.

“Yeah, this kid shoved our son,” Dean said. “And he’s being a little shit about it.”

The employee’s expression turned shocked and Dean heard a few gasps from the parents that had crowded around to see the commotion. “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” the employee stammered. “This is a kid’s play area, we won’t tolerate fighting here.”

“We were already going,” Cas said haughtily. He glared at Denise. “And if 'Tommy' ever lays a hand on Jack again, he will be sorry.” Jack’s expression was eerily similar to Cas’ as they shot twin glares at Tommy, and Dean thought he caught a spark in Jack’s eyes.

“Let’s go,” he said, taking Cas’ elbow and guiding him through the crowd of spectators before Jack tried to incinerate the kid. He wasn’t sure if that was one of Jack’s powers or not, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out in a crowded McDonald’s. Even if the snot-nosed kid deserved it.

The staff behind the counter was watching along with everyone else in the store, the once noisy place now brought to tense stillness. Cas snatched up the rest of their food and Dean knew they were already on the verge of getting the cops called on them, but he couldn’t resist turning and jabbing his finger at the little brat. “And don’t you ever fucking touch Jack again!”

Cas shot Denise and Tommy another look, Jack copying it over his shoulder, and Dean let the door slam shut behind them.

“I can’t believe the audacity of that woman,” Cas raged, strapping Jack into his carseat. Dean grabbed the wipes and leaned over the front seat to wipe Jack’s hands before he touched everything and spread germs around. “And her kid is exactly the same!”

Jack craned his neck to look back at the McDonald’s as Cas finished strapping him in. “Play!”

Getting into the passenger seat, Cas slammed the door shut. “You will not be going back there, not when those children are around. Dean was right, these play places are vile.”

“You alright, kid?” Dean asked Jack, shutting the wipe container.

Jack kicked his feet against the seat. “Hungry.”

Cas pulled out the container of Jack’s half-eaten chicken nuggets and Dean protested, thinking of a fateful day with a bag of cheerios—he was still finding them in every nook and cranny of the car. “No eating in the backseat.”

“He’s just been through a traumatic experience,” Cas said, handing the container to Jack. “We can make an exception.”

“Fine,” Dean muttered, gripping the steering wheel as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I always knew Denise was shifty. You saw the way she was trying to spin the story, making it out like it wasn’t her kid’s fault? Fucking asshole.”

“Asshole!” Jack agreed cheerfully from the backseat.

“That’s not a nice word, Jack,” Cas said. Quieter, he added, “But it’s accurate.” He pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna send a message to the playgroup chat. Tommy’s behavior can’t be tolerated. Soon all the kids are going to become bullies.”

“He needs to be taught a lesson,” Dean agreed, glancing at Jack as he stopped at a red light, trying not to flinch at the crumbs on Jack’s lap that threatened to fall to the floor. “Needs to get knocked down by someone. Hear that, Jack? We’re gonna teach you how to fight back.”

Jack nodded. “I can fight!” He waved a chicken nugget around in mock punches and Dean gave up any hope of keeping the backseat clean.

“Maybe we can convince the other parents to kick Denise and her son out of the—Oh.” Dean looked over at him and Castiel winced. “We’ve been blocked from the group chat.”

“That makes three of them,” Dean muttered, pushing the accelerator as the light turned green. “We’re gonna end up on some blacklist soon.”

First playgroup, Jack had set a couch on fire. Since the "baby god testing out his powers” explanation wasn’t gonna fly, they went with the tried and true, “playing with matches” excuse. Didn’t stop the group from voting to kick them out.

Second playgroup, Cas had gotten in a fiery debate over the ethicality of beekeeping, and what was Dean supposed to do? Not back him up? He hadn't known you could get kicked out of the zoo for "disorderly conduct."

Alright, maybe Sam’s fears that they’d fuck up this playdate too weren’t completely off base.

“I think it’s time we give playgroups a rest,” he decided.

"But Jack needs to make friends."

"He's already got us, and Claire and Kaia and Alex and—"

"Charlie!" Jack added from the backseat.

"Charlie," Dean agreed. "He's got plenty of friends." Cas only stared him down with a particular smitey look in his eyes, and though Dean knew there wasn't a real threat behind the gaze, he sighed. "Fine. We’ll try again.”

"I already had one in mind," Cas said, brightening. "In case this one didn't work out."

“Done!” Jack yelled.

“Inside voice,” Dean said automatically. “Wait, you had a backup plan?"

“Yes,” Cas said, taking the empty container of chicken nuggets from Jack. “I thought it wise considering our track record. It’s a smaller group than this one was—Here, Jack, you want my ice cream?”

“Dude, seriously?” Dean protested as Cas handed an Oreo McFlurry back to Jack, who excitedly held out his hands. “That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Not necessarily,” Cas said. “I don’t think we’re that destined to fail again—Oh, you mean the ice cream.” He glanced at Jack, who was dripping ice cream onto his lap with every spoonful. “Um. Traumatic experience?”

Dean wasn’t falling for that excuse a second time. He started to say so, but Cas wasn’t listening, picking up his phone as it beeped several times in quick succession.

“What?” Dean asked, seeing a slow frown cross Cas' face as he stared at the screen.

Cas held up his phone to show several texts in a row. “We’re in trouble.”

On cue, Dean’s phone started ringing, the screen lighting up to display Sam’s name. Fuck.

“Sam would like to know why we’re all blocked from the group chat,” Cas said unhelpfully, and Dean rejected the call.

“Good luck explaining why.”

“Maybe the problem is us,” Cas said slowly. He met Dean’s eyes, then they both shook their heads.

“No, it’s those stupid parents,” Dean said.

“And their insufferable children,” Cas agreed.

“Insufferable!” Jack agreed from the backseat, ice cream smeared across his chin. Or that’s what Dean thought he was repeating, the word losing a few syllables along the way.

“Not you, Jack,” Cas said. “Every playgroup would be lucky to have you.”

“Just, they apparently don’t know it,” Dean pointed out. “Or we wouldn’t keep getting kicked out.”

His phone started ringing again, as if to remind him of the fact, and he looked pointedly at Cas. “You deal with him.”

“No, you,” Cas said.

“For fuck’s sake,” Dean muttered. Then he had an idea.

“Hey, Jack, tell Sam about what you saw today.” He turned on speakerphone and handed back his phone, not even caring that Jack’s hands were a sticky mess. Okay, maybe he cared a little, but that’s why the Impala now always held wipes in the glove box.

Jack grabbed his phone eagerly. “Sam!” he crowed. “Guess what I saw!”

Dean caught Sam’s voice over the phone. “What—Jack, hey, where’s Dean?”

“Clowns!” Jack said, waving his ice cream spoon around. “Clowns everywhere!”

“Very mature,” Cas told Dean.

Dean shrugged. “Buys us some time.”

“That’s nice, Jack, but put Dean on,” Sam said. Jack started to give the phone back, and Cas whispered,

“Tell him about the slide.”

“Sam, Sam! I went on a slide!” Dean gave him a thumbs up in the rearview mirror and Jack copied it.

“Dean! I know you can hear me!” Sam yelled as Jack continued on about his eventful day.

“We’re horrible influences,” Cas said, unsuccessfully fighting back a smile.

“Nah,” Dean said. “We’re the best.”

tag list

@becky-srs @xojo @marvelnaturalock @aelysianmuse @prayedtoyou @letsjustdieeveryone @good-things-do-happen-dean @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @theninthdutchessofhell @madronasky @famouspsychicpizzabandit @multifandomdisorder @arcticfox007  @improvedpeanut @castiel-is-a-cat @harmonyhelms @thetrueliesofafangirl @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @confusedisaster @welcome-to-crowleys-hellhole @celestialcastiel @wormstacheangel

let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the tag list :)

[monkeyparasite]

okay time for characters im attracted to!! expect its in no spefic order and i am now currently attracted to them!!

Krusty the Clown

Russel Hobbs

Murdoc Niccals

Bobo Barnett (his character and thats it)

Betelgeuse (MOVIE MAN!! maybe.. musical bugman too???)

Ronald McDonald

Trevor Phillips

Buggy The Clown

Eiji Kakihana (Odd Taxi)

Tae Yamada (Zombieland Saga)

Vyvan (The Young Ones)

Muscle man

Skips (Idk remember the name some show with mordecai and rigby in it)

Bowser

Robbie rotten

And more!!

[randomly-a-fan]

When MJ first encountered IT (Pt. 1)

It happened WAY back before MJ met Jason Voorhees, when she was a bit younger. That was also back before Pennywise met Aquarius the Singing Clown; it’s also back before the toxic waste truck accident that Star was in.

MJ and her family were going on vacation to visit Derry to explore the small town. However, MJ finds the place boring; there’s no mall, no fun stores; there was a fair, but it was shut down for the season. All they did was walking around the neighborhood. 

On a rainy day, MJ’s parents encouraged her to go outside with her niece and nephews. “Out in the rain? fine, okay...” MJ groaned. MJ didn’t like going out in the rain very much, but she does enjoy spending time with her nephews who are now teenagers and her niece who is almost a preteen. 

Her niece Lily wanted to play with her boat that she just built out of craft wood. she put it on the current of the road and decided to follow it. MJ was always close to her niece, since she wouldn’t let anything happen to her, and her nephews are pretty smart, so they wouldn’t get themselves into trouble.

However, Lily’s boat made a wrong turn and floated down faster, she tried to go after it but she tripped on a large crack, so MJ decided to run after it herself. “I’ll get your boat back Lily, I promise!” MJ yelled back. The wooden boat was floating faster and faster, until it heads near the storm drain. “NO...” MJ yelled as she leaped and tried to grab it, but failed. “Dang it! So much for keeping my promise to my niece...” MJ grumbled. She was going to walk away until she heard a voice. “Hiya MJ...” MJ’s heart skipped a beat, who is talking to her?

Then she saw some glowing eyes that looked deceiving. Then she makes out who it was. “Huh, I didn’t know Ronald McDonald had a cousin...” MJ said to herself. “That is your nickname, is it not, want me to call you by your real name?” asked the sewer clown. MJ immediately got up to get away. “Just a minute there MJ... Were you looking for something down there?” he asked. MJ decided to speak for herself. “I don’t talk to strangers, especially clowns... And in a dirty crap hole.” MJ said in a sassy tone. The clown chuckled to her sass. “Well, I’m Pennywise The Dancing Clown; you, are MJ... Yes... MJ, meet Pennywise... Now we aren’t strangers are we not?” Pennywise said. MJ rolled her eyes; she thought he was some kind of pervert that stalks people, so she slowly backs away. “I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m not interested in being in your presence... so long.” MJ said as she turns around. “But don’t you want your niece’s boat back? You don’t want to break your promise MJ... Lily will be so disappointed...” Pennywise said with blue innocent eyes.

MJ knew that she needed to keep her distance to herself, but it would be nice to get that boat back, so she tried to make a plan. “Gee, I don’t know... I can’t really tell if that’s really my niece’s boat... Mind bring it out a bit more, so I can have a better look at it?” MJ asked. Pennywise did extended his arm, but not very much. “You might want to come a little closer if you want a better look... My arm is all stiff and sore.” Pennywise fibbed. MJ knew right away that he’s trouble, so she decided to forget about it. “You know what... It’s yours, you can have it... I’ll buy my niece a new one, she’ll understand.” MJ said as she was out of his sight. “...What? No she won’t!” Pennywise shouted, but she’s already gone. “Sheesh, she’s a tough one...” Pennywise said with a smirk, he knew that he’ll get her or/and her nieces and nephews eventually, soon in fact.

Pt. 2 might be coming soon

[ii-kanjiiiii]

A Crazy Day at Miku Expo

A Vocaloid shitpost story

Warnings: swearing, contains Kaito x Meiko

Chapter 1

It was a normal day in the Cryptonloid household, like always. It was 12pm and Meiko was already up because she’s a normal person.

“GET UP YOU IDIOTS WE HAVE TO LEAVE FOR MIKU EXPOOO!!!!” she woke the rest of the Cryptonloids up as she was a thoughtful person.

“OH SHIT I FORGOT!!” Miku screamed. Her hair looked like Chuckie Finster from Rugrats but had a much larger mass.

“WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WE’RE PERFORMING TONIGHT?!!? PLS NOOOOO I HAVE A PIMPLE!!!” Len cried.

Miraculously, all of them had somehow forgotten that they had a Miku Expo concert in the mystical country of Hajarputa that night. Except for Meiko, because she was a responsible person.

Once they were done packing and getting ready, they went into their private Miku jet which was covered with Miku faces and had big words that said “HATSUNE MIKU” because Miku is the best and owns the world.

Inside, ‘World is Mine’ was playing on loop and the wall was covered in Miku wallpaper and posters. Meiko sat on a Miku couch at the front, because Meiko is queen and is obviously the sexiest one. Kaito, being the simp that he is, sat next to her.

Luka went all the way to the back of the Miku jet and sat in a Miku chair in the corner, away from everyone else as she was tired of everyone’s bullshit.

Miku and the demonic twins were in the middle, just jumping around and throwing shit everywhere as they were still high as fUCK from the FRUIT loops they ate for breakfast.

Suddenly, ‘World is Mine’ stopped playing, and the pilot made an announcement through the plane intercom. Or whatever it’s called lmao I don’t know.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome onboard Flight Miku. We will be taking off from Sapporo to Hajarputa. I am Sonic the Hedgehog and I am your pilot for today. Just kidding bitch, my name is actually うんち(‘Jonathan Harris’ in Japanese). We are expected to reach Hajarputa in about 22 hours. I swear to God, PLEASE put on your seatbelts or you’re gonna fucking die. We also ask that you ensure your seats are in the upright position for take-off, if not you’ll fucking die. Please turn off all personal electronic devices, if not you’ll fucking die as well. Don’t smoke too, cause you’ll get lung cancer and fucking die. Thank you for choosing Miku Airlines. Enjoy your flight. I definitely will not crash this plane. I swear.”

'World is Mine’ was back playing on loop again.

“Well that was comforting,” Meiko said, being a sarcastic piece of shit.

“Lol what? I don’t remember hiring this man,” Miku said. “Lol, whatever,” she shrugged.

Some time after the Miku Jet took off, Kaito and Meiko started fighting over what they would name their non-existent kid that they would never have.

“If she’s a girl, Sakura is the best name!! It represents beauty and optimism,” Kaito said.

“It also represents death,” Meiko argued. “And who the fuck names their kid after a plant? Enaado is the best name!!”

“The fuck kinda name is Enaado?” Len, who was seated far away from them, muttered to himself. Meiko, who was somehow able to hear him, pulled a super soaker gun out of nowhere and squirted him all the way from the other end of the plane.

Some hours later, the vocaloids were bored as heck and ‘World is Mine’ playing on loop was driving them to insanity(except for Miku of course).

“Can you turn that shit off, Miku? I swear to God, if I hear “sekai de ichiban ohime-sama” one more damn time, my internal organs are going to explode,” Luka said, smashing her head against the wall.

“Geez, fine, Luka! You don’t have to be so mean about it, it’s not my fault you don’t know how to appreciate good art,” Miku rolled her eyes, then she changed the song to ‘Popipo’ on loop, which was probably 100x worse.

“YOU’RE my sekai de ichiban ohime-sama, Me-chan~<3” Kaito UwU-ed. She smacked him with a magazine.

Another time skip, Miku wanted to play truth or dare lmao. Luka, Miku and the twins sat in a circle and started playing.

“Oh yeah, by the way, Mei-nee and Kai-nii are in the game too,” Miku said.

“Wtf no thanks,” Meiko immediately said, not looking up from her magazine about self control & anger management.

“No, you can’t escape, Mei-nee,” Miku replied, staring intensely into her soul. She then got a piece of rope out of nowhere and tied Meiko and Kaito to their chairs.

“TRUTH OR DARE, MEI-NEE?” Miku asked, her eye twitching.

“Ugh, fine. Truth,” Meiko replied, as she had no other choice.

Meanwhile, Kaito was having Vietnam war flashbacks as Miku tying him to the chair reminded him of that one time he got kidnapped by Sonic the Hedgehog. (An event that happened in my other fanfic that I’m not going to post.)

“Do you want to make out with Kai-nii?” Miku asked with a stupid shitty grin on her face.

“What the fuck? Oh, HELL NO. I think I already know how this is gonna go,” Meiko muttered.

“AnSwEr tHe qUeStiOn!!!” Miku yelled impatiently, flipping the fucking table.

“Dare!” Meiko quickly said, sweating.

“I dare you to make out with Kai-nii,” Miku said, raising her eyebrows up and down like fucking Mr. Bean.

Upon hearing this, Kaito’s attention was caught and he snapped out of his Vietnam war flashbacks.

“GODDAMN IT!!” Meiko cursed.

“Oh my GOD, Kaito. Don’t give me THAT look,” Meiko said, terrified for her life as she noticed Kaito looking at her with considerable interest.

“Why the hell did you give that dare, Miku? Literally NO ONE wants to see that shit,” Len said, staring judgingly at Miku. He definitely did not have to see his parents smashing their faces together.

“Yeah, Len’s right,” Luka said. “Aight, Imma head out. Bye bitches,” she flipped her fabulous long hair and strolled out elegantly. Once she reached her seat at the far corner of the plane, she opened her laptop and looked at images of the Gingerbread Man from Shrek.

“Shut up Len and just watch the show!” Rin, who was just as delusional as Miku, scolded.

“MEIKOUT MEIKOUT MEIKOUT MEIKOUT MEIKOUT” the crazy girls started chanting.

I’m so sorry

I really have no idea where this shitty fanfic is going

TIME SKIP LOL

It was nighttime and the Cryptonloids were sleeping in their beds with Miku blankets and ‘Popipo’ was still playing on loop. Suddenly, the Miku Jet started shaking really hard, then everyone flew out of their beds and hit their heads on the ceiling. After a few seconds, the Miku Jet stopped shaking and everyone fell back to the ground.

“Heh heh, sorry folks. Just a little air turbulence is all,” Pilot うんち announced.

“What the actual FUCK?? “A ‘liTtLE’ aIR tUrBuLeNcE” he said!! I don’t think we should be entrusting that guy with our LIVES!!” Meiko seethed. “I’m going to have a word with him.” she stormed off to the Pilot’s cabin.

“Wait Me-chan, I’ll come too,” Kaito said, and tagged along with her for extra support because he was a good boyfriend.

Once they reached the Pilot’s cabin, she slid open the door and shouted “LISTEN UP, MISTER, DO YOUR DAMN JOB PROPERLY!!”

“Oh, Meiko-san, hello!” the pilot spun his chair around and smiled. “Oh, Kaito, you’re here too! How’s it going, buddy? Has Sonic been bothering you any more?”

Meiko and Kaito’s eyes widened as they realised who the pilot was.

“FUKASE??!!!!” they screamed in shock. His Ronald Mcdonald hair was unmistakable.

“No, I’m うんち. Who the hell is Fukase?” うんち/Fukase said.

“WHY ARE YOU FLYING A PLANE, FUKASE??!! AREN’T YOU LIKE, FOURTEEN?!??!!!” Meiko screamed.

“Uh, no, I’m fifteen. Also, the age of consent in Japan is thirteen, sooo I don’t see any problem with it,” he replied.

“WHAT THE HELL DOES AGE OF CONSENT HAVE TO DO WITH FLYING A PLANE???!!” Meiko screamed, ripping her hair out. I really need to stop using scream.

"Umm… with all due respect, Fukase, are you even qualified for this?” Kaito spoke up.

“Yeah, DUH. I’ve had years worth of flight experience from Microsoft Flight Simulator on the Xbox!” he replied. “What kinda dumb shit would hire someone who ISN’T qualified??”

“oH mAN OH GOD OUR LIVES ARE IN THE HANDS OF THAT DUMB KID OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD-“ Meiko was hyperventilating in the corner and hugging her legs, sweat pouring down her face. It was unlike her to freak out like this, she was usually calm and kept her cool. However, this is Fukase we’re talking about, and any rational person would be freaking out and fearing for their lives.

“Breathe, Me-chan, breathe,” Kaito attempted to calm her down. “Don’t worry, okay? Everything’s gonna be just fine. Nothing bad will happen. Everything is okay,” he assured her, hugging her tightly.

“How would YOU know that???” she asked.

“I don’t,” he replied. “When things get rough, denial is all we have,” he said, giving his Stupid Bakaito Grin™.

TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE???1??1

[aiweirdness]

Finest Pies

People wonder about what it would be like if a super-intelligent AI decided to place all of humanity in a realistic simulation. I wonder what it would be like if the simulation were built by today’s AI instead - whose computing power is somewhere around the level of an earthworm’s.

Specifically, what would the pies be like?

In 2017 and 2018 I gave increasingly powerful neural networks about 2000 names of existing pie recipes, and their imitations included Caribou Meringue, Mur’s Tartless Tart, and Cromberry Yaas.

But there are now even more advanced neural nets, including GPT-2, many times larger and pretrained on millions of pages from the internet. When I used gpt-2-simple to train the smallest version of GPT-2 (145M) on the list of pies, even it was able to come up with plausible (and highly repetitive) pies, many copied from the list I gave it. I can’t blame it for being a smartass and giving me the pies right back - technically this is a perfect solution to its task of “name some pies”.

I have ways of messing with the neural net, however. One thing I can do is increase the chaos level of the text it’s generating (in this case, called the “temperature”), forcing it to go with its less-likely guesses. Another thing I can do is give it weird text to complete. When I’m asking it to generate more text, I can give it a few example pies and ask it to add to the list (the original list of pies I showed it was alphabetical, so if I give it apple pies it tends to respond with more apple pies). OR, I can give it much weirder text. If I give it a bit of Harry Potter fanfiction, it draws on its previous training and can continue the story. But, similarly to the version of GPT-2 I trained on crochet patterns, it tends to twist the stories around to its special interest. In this case, pie.

Prompt: Harry glared at Snape.

Harry glared at Snape. "No, I'm not even talking about the boy here. You're talking about the duplicate." "Fine. Then I'll get the rest of the ingredients." So then, they got canned fruit and whipped cream and whipped cream and whipped cream and whipped cream and whipped cream and whipped cream and whipped cream. But one thing was for sure: there was no trace of rum. There was.

Prompt: Voldemort ran his fingers gently over Darth Vader's shoulder.

Voldemort ran his fingers gently over Darth Vader's shoulder. "C-Custard" "C-Custard"

Once it has steered the conversation, the neural net transitions to listing pies. Although some of them retain a certain flavor.

Voldemort Crumble Pie Mudblood Mincemeat Pies Snape Pie With Cheese

And its other pies are indeed more creative, definitely not found in the original training set. They don’t sound exactly delicious to me, but maybe this advanced artificial intelligence knows something we don’t. After all, it read most of the internet, including the cooking blogs.

Hot & Sour Apple Pie Caramelized-Zucchini Nog Nachos From Maple Syrup Pie Syrupy Chicken Pie Camel Crunch Crunch Mustard Raisin Pie Peach-pickle pie Pie-Bro From Pizza Particles Iceberg Chiffon Pie, Famous Finger-To-Finger Meringue Pie Spiced Coconut Pizza Chiffon Pie

On the other hand, maybe just maybe the neural net doesn’t know what it’s doing. These seem like uniformly a bad idea.

Fog-Crust Pecan Pie Tweezers, Olives, and Seafood Apple Pie Frozen Custard Pie with Three Glorious Chilies Half-Ton Pie Crust Fog-Crust Pecan Pie Pumpkin Ear Pie Onion Cassette Pie Tweezers, Olives, and Seafood Apple Pie Frog-Fudge Pie Ice-Egg Pie Bedtime Oil Tart Half-Tooth Nail Pie Frozen Custard Pie with Three Glorious Chilies Must-Fail Pecan Almonds with Pecan Almond Crust Beef and Cheese Fried Ronald McDonald's Walnut Chocolate Pie

These neural net inventions miiight be okay if we knew what they actually were. At the very least, approach with caution.

Applewool Pie Brandywine Schnoches Pumpkin Pie Dough - Oh Noe Cowdy-Doo Pie Dried & Squirred Pumpkin Pie Morgue Pie Temptation To Fill A Beef Pies Woollewinkle Pie "Vinegar Pie" Meat Pie** Stimulant Cherry Pie Deep Dish Curb And Spoon Pie Standard Apples-and-Moolah My Meat Crust (Might As Well)

And these particular examples seem to have outed themselves as the work of a less-than-whollly competent AI.

Vessel With Raisin Bran It's Crunchy Famous Pie Crust (Spinach Friend) Food And Flavors Whoopie Pie Valet Restaurant's Chompin Park Pie Medieval Pastries With Liquid Crystal Tomato/Banana Pie As I Layered Mr. Robot's Sweet Potato Pie Fluffy Cheese Pie #2 By BestMakesCherryToEggs Ahh So Good 'n Easy Meat Pie Scheduled Coconut Cream Pie Standard Pie (Panties & Puff Pastry) Smiled and Cheerful Thanksgiving Pie, Famous Tarte Barre "Oral" Pie Robocoin Pie

Subscribers get bonus content: For some examples of how the neural net managed its transitions from fanfiction to pies more or less gracefully.

My book on AI is out, and, you can now get it any of these several ways! Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s

[palmtreepalmtree]

Alright, this one is long overdue for an anonymous friend who really wanted me to review The Healer.  So after a short pause, here is another edition of

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

Heavy sigh.

Alright.  Let’s talk about this one.  

First off, I have to do some pretty serious content warnings, cause I know some people have been receiving some bad news recently and this review goes someplace you might not expect so, I love you guys, but please be aware that this review deals with: cancer, terminal illness, kids with cancer.  

Now back to the bullshit.

This is basically a movie about a fucking dumbass dude who has trouble making obvious decisions.  

SPOILERS AHEAD (are you new here?)

The main character Alec Bailey, begins the film as a total fuckwit.  He lives in England (somewhere about) and owns a failing electronic handyman business that he calls “The Healer” (in the most pathetic stretch of narrative bullshit, but okay) and is in deep gambling debts to the Russian mob. 

As our story begins, Alec discovers that he has a long lost rich uncle who makes him an offer: the uncle will pay off Alec’s debts if he agrees to live in Nova Scotia for a year.  The uncle will make all the arrangements: plane ticket, work visa, place to live, etc.  All Alec has to do is stay in Nova Scotia for a year.

OH NO!  WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!?  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN REMOTE NOVA SCOTIA FOR A YEAR AFTER ALL MY FINANCIAL CONCERNS ARE TAKEN CARE OF?  

HOWEVER WILL I SURVIVE IN SUCH A HORRIBLE PLACE?11?!?

I BETTER THINK IT OVER.

*eyeroll*

He finally makes his decision after getting chased by mobsters trying to collect on his debts.  ...like I said.  He’s a fuckwit.

So he moves into this beautiful house in Nova Scotia.  There’s no internet, which is a legit bummer, but his uncle has arranged a car for him to get to town.  Seems like a pretty good gig.  Even if it is going to be brutally cold come the winter months.  

Well as soon as Alec arrives in town, everyone seems to know and be expecting him.  He puts an ad out for his mechanical engineering services, again, under the name “The Healer.”  Well........... that goes awry in ways you would expect.  Suddenly, people start showing up requesting his physical healing services.

The thing is, the people from town seem to expect him to actually be a healer.  They keep referring to a secret and to him being “the chosen one.”  There’s no explanation for this.

Then there’s like... this whole weird interlude where Alec seems to kill the town priest, played by Jorge Ramirez (can someone please find this dude a good acting gig? my dude has decent comedic timing, he’s better than this shit). And Alec gets arrested.  Even though the priest got up and walked away.  All of this seems like a weird spinning of wheels before the actual plot.  Like why is this happening.  Why?  

Eventualllllllly......... his uncle shows back up and fesses up (in the most elaborate way possible).  People in his family have a gift.  Every other generation, someone is chosen.  And they have the gift of healing.  Based solely on being near to someone who is destined to be saved.

The gift can only be activated around their 30th birthday (if this sounds unnecessarily elaborate, that’s because it is -- and I’m even cutting shit out like the secret basement and portraits on the wall, blahblahblah).  The day after the birthday, the chosen one must decide.  They can choose to accept or decline the gift of healing.  Alec is given until midnight that night to make his decision.  WILL HE BE THE CHOSEN ONE?  WILL HE BE THE HEALER?!?!1?1

I mentioned that Alec is a fuckwit right?  

*Hagrid voice* YOU’RE A FUCKWIT, ALEC!

*squints*

Annnnnnyhow.  Alec goes to the town church where everyone is gathered at midnight (with thank you signs and a big round of applause) and he dashes their hopes.  HE WILL NOT BE THE HEALER, NO!  Even though it comes with no readily apparent downsides or costs.  And he’d be able to relieve the suffering of others with no cost to himself.  No, fuck it.  He’s going to go home.

The town takes it pretty well, all things considered.  The few people who had already been healed by being near him make speeches of gratitude.  They all wish him a happy birthday and tell him he’s welcome to stay.  Like these people are insanely understanding about him declining the gift of healing.  INSANE.

It’s worth noting that we’re about halfway through the movie at this point and we haven’t met one of the main characters of the movie.  

IN COMES ABIGAIL.  Cancer kid extraordinaire.  She is 14 years old.  Her parents have driven 7 hours to see Alec.  Their daughter is dying of terminal cancer, and all they want is for Alec to spend some time with her and give it a shot.  But she’s a pretty self-possessed kid.  She convinces the reluctant Alec to just hangout with her for the weekend to buck up her parents and give her parents some hope.  She doesn’t believe in the healing, so no harm, no foul.

And finally we’ve hit the meat of our story.  Will Alec be able to save Abigail now that he’s declined the gift?  Will he regret it?  WHY DID HE DECLINE THE GIFT!?1?

SPOILERS (really can’t discuss this movie without them)

It turns out, Alec had a brother who died of cancer.  And they were incredibly close.  In Alec’s words, “he was my everything.”  But now he deeply regrets giving up the gift.  Now he’s worried he can’t save Abigail.

You know what, man?  Same.

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN DOWN THE GIFT!??!?

Listen.  Listen, listen.  I don’t know a single person who has been touched by cancer who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a healing gift.  I mean, what the fuck.  Death sucks.  Losing someone you love from any kind of illness sucks.  Especially when it feels even remotely too soon.  And cancer is a particular type of FUCKING BULLSHIT.  It sucks.  

So it’s really fucking hard to understand why this FUCKWIT turns down the gift to begin with.  Death and suffering is not abstract for him when this movie starts!  So why we should feel sorry for his resulting anxiety, now that he has met someone who is directly negatively affected by his fucking BAD DECISION.

Anyhow, the rest of the movie is basically an exercise in how charming Abigail is and how much fun we can have with her before she goes off to die. Which like......... OH-FUCKING-KAY!

It should go without saying that this movie has a happy ending.  The music swells where it should.  The romance is consummated.  Abigail is healed.  All is going to be well with the world.

As a movie, this one has some weird fucking choices.  First, all of the music cues in this movie are just wrong.  “Faith” by George Michael is not a song about believing in something --- unless that something is having sex with someone who hurt you before.  And the lighting in this film is so beautiful all the time, it looks like you’re in a fucking ciallis commercial, even when you’re in the freaking police station, wtf?  

And last, the writing is just weird in places.  Like why have the love interest lie about being a lesbian through 90% of the film?  Why?  It’s not a good joke!  And  It is COMPLETELY fucking baffling to me why the good news of this story is delivered off-screen instead of on-screen.  If Abigail is going to be okay, why couldn’t she come back to Nova Scotia to tell him?  Why couldn’t she deliver that news in person!?  That’s just bad writing.  What the fuck is that?

But whatever.  

On the credit side, I think Oliver Jackson Cohen knows what he’s doing as an actor.  He’s not Oscar-worthy yet, but I believed him.  When he talks about his brother, I felt that.  And that could not have been easy in such a fucking weird script.

But as much as I’d like to end this review right here, there’s more.  Cause...

..........that’s not where the movie ends.  Not entirely.

As the end music plays, the movie is dedicated to Paul Newman who established summer camps for seriously ill kids.  And then we see images and videos of the kids all over the world enjoying activities at these camps.  

And that’s where this critique stops.  Sorta.  Paul Newman was a legitimately good person.  And his legacy of caring for sick kids carries on to this day, as was evident from all the footage.

But here’s the thing: healing as it’s depicted in this movie does not exist.  But easing the suffering of others does.  I wish this movie had been about that.  I wish it had been less focused on miracles and weird family legacies and selfish fuckwits and more about the kind of healing that Paul practiced.  But I guess that movie isn’t as fun, and it isn’t as hopeful and uplifting.

In the non-movie version of this story, Abigail Bryant died in 2014 at the age of 20.  Her obituary still appears online.  And it is still receiving comments and photos from cancer survivors and fighters, many of them who found her through the film.  And they talk about how the movie touched them.

On that level, it doesn’t matter what I say here.  It doesn’t matter that there are weird parts of this script or that healing like this is a fantasy.  This movie does its job.  It touches people.  And if it inspires just a few more people to give money to help relieve suffering, then that’s all that matters.

Ronald McDonald House Charities Cancer Research Institute Hole in the Wall Gang (Paul Newman’s org) Serious Fun Children’s Network (established by Paul Newman)