#to his abusive father. that episode also makes me cry every time its amazing)

[zeppelin-and-unicorns]

Fanfic recommendations part two: Stories that take place during season 8 (canon divergence)

This is a smaller category than the previous one, but I promise that those stories are amazing. I’ve read and reread every single one of them, and I love them all with all of my heart. I hope this post is useful to you. Lots of love ❤️

(And yes, they are in alphabetical order. I wish I’ve done that with the post season 8 post too, but it’s up for a while now and it would be just too much work to edit the whole thing)

All These Things That I’ve Done by c00kiefic

Story based on the sexual tension between Jackie and Hyde during season 8.

This story is complete.

26k words, 9 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Don’t Stand so Close to Me by c00kiefic

A story when Eric came back way earlier than he planned to because his friends were being dumbasses and needed some direction. Gotta love Eric Forman.

This story is complete and it’s a super fun read, 10/10.

95k words, 24 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Kelso/Brooke, background Red/Kitty

Fear and Loathing in Wisconsin by elphabacan

What if Jackie had decided enough was enough after the slumberparty with Donna and Sam and recruited Brooke to go to Vegas? And what if turnabout is fairplay when they run afoul a charming lounge singer named Jude?

Lots and lots of love for this story. It’s amazing and it’s complete.

42k words, 15 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Brooke/Kelso

Get Away From The Edge by BlueZeppelin

Jackie has been down for a while and it leads her to the Water Tower, alone and depressed. She wants to jump but will Hyde let her?

This story is kind of sad, but it’s still good. I just wish it gave us more details. Don’t read it if you’re triggered by depressive thoughts. It’s complete.

5k words, 3 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

I Think it’s a Real Waste by Jaded

In which Fez and Donna are decent friends to Jackie, and Hyde knows he fucked up. There’s a lot of J/H, but the story also focuses on all the gang. This is a really good story, please read this.

This story is complete.

120k words, 13 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Brooke/Kelso, Fez/OC

Into the Woods by c00kiefic

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess with long raven hair and enchanting eyes, whose only desire was to be loved by the handsome, yet distant prince…

I absolutely adore this story, I really, really do. It reminds me of fairytales and it makes me want to cry at the same time. Also, both Hyde and Donna get an not so pleasant “wake up call”, that they rightfully deserved btw.

This story is complete.

41k words, 10 chapters.

Rated T

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde mainly, some background Eric/Donna angst

Pain Without Love by YouLivexYouDie

This story made me cry so hard. It has a happy ending though, so it was worth it.

Jackie Burkhart is about to experience something life changing. She will never be the same afterwards, nor will the people who love her.

This story is complete.

12k words, 3 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Confession by heavinly-vixen

After the torture Hyde had been inflicting upon Jackie since the arrival of his 'wife', Jackie just needs to talk to someone who's on her side.

This story is complete and it has a sequel! It’s called Reconciliation and it’s also complete.

12k words, 9 chapters.

Rated T. The sequel is rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Made Bare by MistyMountainHop

A heartbroken Hyde considers his relationship with Jackie kaput. Too bad Jackie sees it differently. She intends to get a proper resolution with him, but breaking through his hostility — and getting past his wife — may well prove impossible.

This story is complete.

50k words, 8 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Also available on AO3

Someone To Love by Bunny1

Hyde comes back from his 3 month bender to the unexpected.

This story is complete.

6k words, 7 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

The Birds and The Bees by c00kiefic

Jackie’s pregnant and the father of her child is married to someone else. Amazing story, what I love the most about it is Jackie and Donna’s friendship.

This story is basically complete, the only thing missing is the epilogue.

22k words, 6 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

The Right Road Lost by zpplnchick

After a car accident, Hyde wakes up to a twisted version of reality he comes to find is actual hell and with no memory of how he got there, a hell that Jackie's been living in for the past few months. Set during Season 8, shortly after "Sweet Lady".

This story is complete.

43k words, 20 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

The Road to Redemption by Hyde’s Bride

Jackie leaves the group because of Hyde and Donna's behavior. Eric comes back early to find how things have changed. When he forms a new bond with Jackie, will it force Hyde and Donna to fight for them? Or will they lose their loves forever?

This story is complete.

33k words, 12 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Jackie/Eric, Eric/Donna

When The Leeve Breaks by zeppelinandunicorns

What would've happened if Jackie and Donna left Point Place when Eric moved to Africa and Hyde married a stripper?

Donna and Jackie moved to Chicago once they realized that they've sacrificed themselves enough for the sake of their relationships with Eric and Hyde. Will it be too late to fix things once the boys realize what they're missing?

This story is a WIP.

So far, 125k words, 23 chapters. This story will be 54 chapters long so... yeah.

Trigger warning: Depression, past eating disorders, child abuse

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

Zen Vision by Ultrawoman

A series of one-shots turning each and every episode of the horrendous Season 8 into a happy Jackie and Hyde love affair!

This story is complete.

37k words, 22 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

One-shots during season 8:

Being Here by UnfitWriter

Set in season 8, after Sam's departure. Jackie and Hyde can't stand each other, but when something horrible happens to Hyde, Jackie will try to console him in only way she knows how.

5k words.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Here Comes Goodbye by nannygirl

Sometimes you just have to say goodbye. Or not.

5k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Red/Kitty

Reconnecting by SerenitySparrow

During the party at WB's house in season 8. Jackie and Hyde hook up in a coat closet during the party.

3k words.

Rated M. Very M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Tipping Point by janus_74 (tanner)

How a different Perfect Man list could change the end of Season 8.

4k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

So far, this is all.

I’ll repeat this at the end of every single post: speaking as someone who writes, it would be really cool if you guys decide to leave a review (or a comment, if the story is on AO3) in the stories you read, especially the unfinished ones. It really motivates the authors, and receiving a compliment is always a mood lifter. I’ve seen some authors updating stories after years because of nice reviews, so… yeah, this is just an idea.

If you think I left out a good story, feel free to reply to this post!

Next category: Season 7 fix-its.

[quentyl]

“You can’t treat me like Zuko!” - Azula, Sozin's Comet Part 1: The Phoenix King

This quote is so important for her character: it tells us that she suffered from her father’s abuse of her brother too, though indirectly. That every time Ozai hurt his son, he was demonstrating what could happen to her should she ever fall from grace, that this became a deep-entrenched fear in the back of her mind.

(Pic: Azula and kid!Zuko, both upset and confused, asking for answers from their father, who has his back turned toward them.)

I want to delve into it a little bit: what it means, for Azula, to be treated like Zuko. Long post under the cut, as usual!

Here’s the full exchange:

Azula: Sorry I’m late, Father. Good palanquin bearers are so hard to come by these days. So, is everything ready for our departure? Ozai: There has been a change of plans, Azula. Azula: What? Ozai: I've decided to lead the fleet of airships to Ba Sing Se alone. You will remain here in the Fire Nation. Azula: But… I thought we were going to do this together. Ozai: My decision is final. Azula: You... you can't treat me like this. You can't treat me like Zuko! Ozai: Azula, silence yourself. Azula: But it was my idea to burn everything to the ground! I deserve to be by your side! Ozai: Azula! Listen to me. I need you here to watch over the homeland. It's a very important job that I can only entrust to you. Azula: Really? Ozai: And for your loyalty, I've decided to declare you the new Fire Lord. Azula: Fire Lord Azula? It does seem appropriate. But... what about you? Ozai: Fire Lord Ozai is no more. Just as the world will be reborn in fire, I shall be reborn as the supreme ruler of the world. From this moment on, I will be known as... the Phoenix King!

So what’s interesting to me here is that Ozai isn’t actually treating her like he would Zuko under the same circumstances (not according to what we’ve seen of their previous interactions?). For one thing, it’s clear she wasn’t punished for lying to him about who killed the Avatar, nor for keeping her suspicions that Aang wasn’t truly dead to herself. Azula’s tone is light upon first catching up to him and she attempts to make casual conversation. Sure, she’s actually nervous underneath, but that’s because she can see things aren’t going according to plan and she doesn’t know why - she doesn’t know she’s supposed to be in trouble. He’s not ignoring her either, like he simply ignored kid!Zuko asking about his mother in the parallel scene in the above screenshot. She’s also not punished for her outburst, for raising her voice to him at a formal and public event, even after he ordered her to “silence herself” (how’s that for speaking out of turn? No Agni Kai, Ozai?). Instead Ozai is... surprisingly gentle? He placates her, reassures her of her importance and of his trust in her. And then he rewards her with the title of Fire Lord.

When we think of the way Ozai treated Zuko, we think of a history of open disdain, emotional and verbal abuse that culminated with setting his son’s face on fire. He’s doing none of these things to Azula here. So what it is exactly in this scene that Azula assimilated with the way he would behave toward her older brother?

Here’s my understanding: for Azula “being treated like Zuko” doesn’t start with disappointed looks, insults or scornful comments. It doesn’t need to go that far. Instead it starts with exclusion. And that’s a dimension of Ozai’s abuse and their family dynamic that I feel isn’t explored enough, despite being just as harmful.

Let’s go back to the flashbacks in “Zuko Alone”. Even without seeing them interact alone, we get the sense that there is an odd complicity between Ozai and his eight or nine-years-old daughter:

She shows him her new firebending moves - and what makes this significant isn’t that a father would keep tabs on his daughter’s progress, it’s that her mother and brother weren’t apparently in on it. Ozai speaks of the moves she showed to him not them (her parents), and Zuko’s amazement at Azula’s forms implies he hadn’t seen them before. So it’s time that Ozai and Azula spent alone together.

She supports his ambitions: “If Uncle doesn’t make it back from war, then Dad will be next in line to become Fire Lord, wouldn’t he?” and “I still think our dad would make a much better Fire Lord than his royal tea-loving kookiness”. More than that, she seems aware of his plots (might even have a hand to play in them, but that’s not confirmed either way): “‘Fire Lord Azulon’... Can’t you just call him Grandfather? He’s not exactly the powerful Fire Lord he used to be. Someone will probably end up taking his place soon.” - Azula obviously knew that her father had plans to get rid of her grandfather. Here again, what I want to focus on is the fact that Zuko and her mother were completely unaware about all of it (“What is wrong with that child?”).

Ozai calls her “my dear” and asks her specifically to demonstrate before the Fire Lord. He doesn’t address Zuko once throughout the flashbacks.

So even as a child, Azula was allowed into her father’s confidence. He trusted her, while her brother was left in the dark. And I think this was likely the biggest difference in how Ozai treated his children before he became Fire Lord. In these flashbacks, Zuko didn’t seem scared of his father yet. He wasn’t afraid to perform before him, to cry and lament his failures before him, or to be comforted by Ursa before him. He didn’t seem overly worried to have embarrassed him in front of Azulon himself. He wasn’t afraid to demand answers of him after Ursa’s disappearance. So I tend to think that whatever abuse he was subjected to at this point, before Ursa’s banishment, was limited. What is clear is that Ozai and Azula shared a special relationship that Zuko wasn’t a part of.

Of course, this puts Azula in a privileged position compared to her brother. Their father is the one with all the power in their family, the one they are both constantly trying to please, but only Azula is allowed to know his mind. Note that throughout the different scenes in the flashbacks, there’s a pattern of Azula using information Zuko doesn’t have to mess with him: “Uncle is coming home” “Dad’s going to kill you” “No one knows where Mom is” “Grandpa passed away”. She’s the bearer of news, and as such always ahead of him. Knowledge is power, and knowledge is something Ozai constantly denied his son. 

This disconnect between Zuko and his father reached its climax, imo, when Ozai challenged him to an Agni Kai and Zuko… misunderstood (more likely, he was deliberately misled). Zuko just never understood his father, because his father never spoke to him. Zuko was never allowed to know his thoughts - and for three years afterward, he wasn’t even allowed to see his face. He wasn’t allowed to know who his father was, unlike Azula, who was privy to his ambitions since they were children. This is why she can successfully manipulate him using the promise of their father’s love (in both the first and last episode of Book 2).

All of this is still true when Zuko comes back from his exile. Ozai doesn’t welcome both his children at the same time. Instead he sees Azula first. She reports to him, and only afterward (after they had the time to talk about him and make decisions behind his back) does he finally see Zuko.

He welcomes him back with honors as the crown prince, but Zuko still isn’t truly allowed to know what’s going on. He’s sent on a forced vacation to Ember Island while Ozai meets with his generals. He’s not invited to war meetings, until suddenly he is and people just… forgot to inform him. He has no important part to play during the counter-invasion plan. In short, Zuko is still excluded. Azula uses him as a shield one moment, says she’s looking out for him the next. His father calls him a hero, but doesn’t try to get to know him or spend any meaningful time with him (not even to try and make up for... everything). I don’t believe either of them truly intended for Zuko to ever succeed Ozai. So the whole time he’s in the Fire Nation, back in his “rightful place”, Zuko is fidgety because he can’t trust them. He doesn’t know if he’s being paranoid or too naive. He doesn’t know if they’re honest or just playing with him.

(Truth is Zuko was emotionally banished long before he was legally banished, and him killing the Avatar couldn’t change that.)

And this is what Ozai did to Azula in their final scene together before abandoning her. When her father’s palanquin left early, it was her turn to be fidgety and paranoid, wondering what’s going on. Ozai blindsided her, left her in the dark, excluded her without telling her why. When she was a kid, her father talked to her about his plans to become Fire Lord. Now not only did he not tell her about his plans to become Phoenix King, he didn’t even talk to her about her own promotion. She was no longer his confidant, but just another pawn, like Zuko.

[ruffiorocks]

She Ra! This show was amazing! (Long post)

Omg! I stayed up until 4.00am to binge watch the last season of She Ra. I'm gutted that before I put it on I opened Twitter for a second and the Catradora kiss was ruined for me! 😞

But what a bloody season! What a show! I grew up watching the original She Ra and the original He Man. Mine and brothers favourite movie was "The Secret of the Sword" (the He Man and She Ra film where she is first introduced). That show was brilliant for its day, it depicted strong women who didn't need men to save them. Plus She Ra was so much better than He Man, she could heal people, talk to animals and turn her sword into anything she liked! She also had a flying unicorn that could talk! What else could a girl want in a show?

When I heard this was going to be revived I was a bit apprehensive, especially after the failed He Man reboot and the failed Thunder Cats one. (Dont even get me started on that monstrosity they call a reboot! At least the anime version was cool).

I decided to give the show a watch, convincing myself that is was for nostalgic purposes only, and wow! I could not stop watching it!

This version is great, because it wasn't trying to be the same as the original. The basic premise was the same but the story and the characters were fleshed out so much more. The relationships between the characters was just something else. I loved how they de-aged them, so it was teenagers and not adults this time.

Making Adora and Catra best friends? I loved it! The fact that this friendship/enemies story between the two became the heart of this show was something else. The original series had Catra being jealous of Adora and becoming a force Captain after Adora left but that was the extent of their relationship.

I love how Hordak wasn't even all the fussed about conquering Etheria. He had so much more depth to him than the original one did. OG Hordak was a bumbling idiot who laughed evilly and could turn himself into rockets and canons. The most interesting thing about him was he used to be Skeletors mentor. The very idea or Hordak caring for anything or anyone other than imp was unthinkable. This Hordak has a tragic back story, he's had it rough, he has a specific goal and conquering Etheria seems to become less and less important to him. He's even able to form a close friendship with Entrapta.

Shadow Weaver being a maternal figure for Adora was something the original had but wasn't mentioned much at all. The fact that she was the foster mother of both Catra and Adora and favoured Adora to the point of obsession in getting her back gave the back story so much more. The fact that Shadow weaver is more connected to the other characters and has her own back story and then a redemption, I love it.

I also love how the relationship between Shadow Weaver and Catra was really explored. It made Catra so much more than just a boring villain of the week when you see the neglect and abuse she went through. How her only solice was Adora, you can totally understand why she feels broken when Adora leaves everything they both know. But I also love how even though she was villian she kept her sense of humour and she just couldnt get over Adora no matter how hard she tried to.

Glimmer? So much more character than the original. Her relationship with her mother was brilliant. Angela was so funny and I was gutted when she died. In the original it was Angela that had been gone a long time and had to be rescued by He Man and She Ra to be reunited with Glimmer. Her father didn't show up, but it was rumoured that a mysterious red knight who Angela thought she knew could have been him.

Bow? This bow was amazing with all of his tech and his sass and his sensitivity. The original bow was OK but he wasn't the character you watched the show for. I'm also glad they didnt have him pining for She Ra like the OG did. The fact he has two gay dads was amazing! I do wish they had kept Kowl though.

Swift Wind is hands down by favourite side character! That horse is so sassy he just make me crack up no matter what he does. I'm glad they did him justice, because when I was younger I always wanted a white horse and to call it Spirit like the Original She Ra and so that meant a lot that they just improved on him.

I love how everyone knows who Adora is, there is no secret identity.

The fact that the princesses have so much more personality and backstory than their OG counter parts did is brilliant. My absolute favourite is Mermista!

Scorpia? I love how she wasn't just a bad guy like her OG counter part was. This character is so much more interesting. She goes on her own journey, she doesn't even seem to grasp what she's doing half the time because she is just desperate to have friends. She never gave up on her friendship with Catra, even when Catra didn't want her she was still there. I love that.

Sea Hawk? Omg! One of my favourites! A far cry from his OG character. I'm so glad they didnt have him and Adora as a couple like the OG did! "ADVENTURE!!"

This show had everything! So much more humour than the OG one. It allowed violence as well which is something the OG one didn't allow. If you ever watch it you'll notice She Ra doesn't hit any one who is alive (Robots don't count) she would beat them in ways they couldn't be harmed, like she ra throwing into mud or water. But this? This show has some ass kicking going on!

The shape of the characters is also brilliant. I love how Glimmer is slightly bigger than than the other characters. How we have them in all shapes and sizes. The OG characters were always drawn using the same template. The footage was also constantly reused in every episode.

Now for the change I love the most! The LGBTQ rep! This would have been unthinkable when the OG show was on! No one would have dared suggest it. (Although He Man always had gay under tones, especially after the live action movie happened). But when I was watching this show being gay wasn't something people discussed and certainly not with children. The most we saw was the occasional gay couple on a soap. For me it was Tony and Simon in Eastenders and Zoe Tate on Emmerdale. But a children's show? NEVER!

I wish I had had this show when I was a kid. It took me until i became an adult to admit that I liked women. If I had had this show and these characters in my life perhaps things would have been easier. It would have helped me understand myself better. Unfortunately for the time it still would have been frowned upon and even though my family are much more accepting after a lot of education I don't think I would have been allowed to watch this show this way when I was a kid.

But kids now are so lucky! They are exposed to the LGBT every day. It's everywhere! It isn't hiding anymore, it's so much more accepted. Even when I was a teen at school a lot of gay people were still in the "we know you exist but we don't want to know about it" phase.

This show handled it so well!! There was no coming out story line, no trying to figure out why they had these feelings. It was treated the exact same way any hetro storyline would be. The fact that there was a canon lesbian couple from the get go said it all. As the seasons went in they progressed and gave us Bows gay dad's. They had Adora crushing on women. They didn't even try to hide what they were doing with Catra and Adora. I love how this last season gave more screen time and story to Spinereella and Netalia rather than them just "being there". It was just handled so well. None of the characters battered an eye lid at the thought of Adora and Catra as a couple. I'm just gutted its over. They even gave us an epilogue!!

Last point, maybe it's an unpopular opinion but I feel like they didn't need to put Glimmer and Bow together. I always adored how they had this wonderful best friend relationship between a boy and girl that didn't need to end in them falling in love. I never saw them as a couple, just best friends. Plus I always saw Bow as asexual.

Catradora reminds me so much of Supercorp from Supergirl. It gives me hope that maybe the show will be brave and give us a canon Lena and Kara. But I won't hold my breath 😅

All the kudos to She Ra!

[wo-wann-was-wer]

EPISODE 5:

I'm so sad Regina got buried in the woods

these fucking comparison shots are amazing

someone just tried to text me and I low-key flipped out because I was like you need to leave me the fuck alone

What if he just took her jacket and was like this is mine bitch

Katharina looks so dope with glasses

I'm so into her being the rock of this family by the way which I was never surprised by because women have the strength of 6 million men but

we've literally never seen Charlotte and her dad interact (like for reals)

That's one of the problems of this show is that some relationships fell by the wayside and I'm not a fan of that

did Charlotte drop herself off on the stoop

That's Tannhaus baby is somewhere because they never found the body of that infant so that infant is somebody.

yeah I literally can't imagine finding something like this out I'd lose my fucking mind

"who am I?" "I don't know" wow that's a fuck of a thing

Wow Claudia from the other universe That's fucking me up

Also what if Claudia from the other universe is the fucking bitch who has been fucking with us this whole time AKA the white devil

Also when are we going to see Noah again because I need to see Elisabeth and Noah together falling in love because I stan

worried about her Please tell us what happened to her I'm concerned

This actress has to be at least partially deaf and or hard of hearing because number one her ASL is fluent and she even emotes some words right? Idk

I do not trust this other Claudia as far as I could fucking throw her

This show is like the debate between Democrats and Republicans every fucking party is trying to convince everybody else that they are the ones that's trying to save the world and both of them behind closed doors are like all right how do we fuck the people in the asshole

I can't help wondering if this wouldn't have happened if we understood the half-lives of radioactive materials

so is all of this coming back to 1986 Is that the the origin time

And then do what What are you going to do with fucking 250 radioactive barrels The fuck you talking about

The scratches on the other side of her face and I don't know why it's on the other side of her face but it's on the other side of her face and it's concerning me

does that mean something's going to go different like

Jonas is out here like why did the adults lie to me

Oh my God after three seasons he's finally realizing not to listen to other people good boy

Oh Peter and Charlotte bonded over having fucked up families

Peter's mom is dead and he didn't know who his father was

Also babies

Also the way that he embodies Peter is fucking insane

I'm so into Charlotte with this curly hair

Oh my God who is this

Elisabeth run baby girl. too late. we've gone this long without sexual assault if they touch this child I'm going to lose my damn mind

Peter is going to kill this man

Elizabeth kill him Peter kill him if Peter dies is the hands of this dude I'm going to lose my fucking mind get back from my baby get back from my fucking cinnamon roll I'm going to kill you Elizabeth stab him the back stab him the back Elizabeth your daddy has a knife at his neck NOOOO PETER NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOO FUCK

I literally will never forgive them for killing Peter why are the dopplers the most important and most tragic family

he never did anything to anybody

Katharina please kill your abusive mother She deserves it

everybody on this show is super into bludgeoning nobody likes shoots anybody else everybody fucking bludgeons everybody

No can I watch this abusive fucking bitch is going to hit you No Don't let her kill you Don't let her kill you

Is Katharina dead why are they taking my favorite people

she doesn't even get justice for how her mom treats her it's not fair. and now Ulrich is still stuck inside the asylum

oh thank God Noah is here because I was so worried about my baby

Wait what is going on. Oh Jonas has never died before This is exciting

oh wait there's only one Jonas damnit

EPISODE 6:

Even though it's not working for everyone I do really love the 1888 look on Jonas

I did not expect that Aleksander was going to tell Bartosz about his real identity

This shit is so uncomfortable.

Ulrich needs a real stop telling the women that he's fucking to stop coming to his household

It's like the penny traveled through time GASPPPPPPP

Jonas What the fuck did you come from

all my fucking pussy friends are bothering me from finishing this show YALL GOT STUPID PROBLEMS STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND THEN THIS WONT HAPPEN

I'm going to say this every single time he's on screen but this beard is too good

I think that bartosz may be the most scorned member of this entire group he never gets any pussy and it's so sad

I'm super over this really creepy really ugly fucking dude I want him to leave I also kind of don't believe that he's the child of Martha and Jonas

Oh I absolutely love love love them holding hands and then going back to a shot of them holding hands as kids

why are they such a good couple I really like them but I also always have

I'm not super sure I understand why they had to leave bartosz behind

I don't trust a single of these fucking adults I'm just any of them including themselves when they become adults

This is like a suicide squad. This is the weirdest collection of people What is this team. What are they doing. since when are these people are working together. omg

Oh shit a child born of both worlds takes both worlds energies to destroy it. But that's what causes the apocalypse

Well this is super fucked up

everything that's happening in this final montage sequence is bad news

all of it

why do I Stan Noah and Elisabeth so much

omg Hannah is giving birth is NOW the time

wow this is a lot

EPISODE 7:

our perspective is what makes definitive reality

I'm confused about the gravestone that says Charlotte on it

Also yes give me more Elizabeth and Noah please please please

This is absolutely crazier than any shit doc Brown ever did But he was also trying to build a time machine in the 1890s so that's fun

Oh is this how he gets all the fucking scars

My goodness what is happening What is going to happen I'm getting stressed.

There's only two episodes left I feel like they're not answering my questions I'm worried

What happened to wöller

What is silja doing here

This is bullshit she's like drawing him in

Oh that's a surprise so silja is a tiedemann

why is it always like I feel like I know what's happening and then around episode 6 or 7 I just completely lose the plot

oh wow Jonas almost straight up died but Noah saved him

‘you can't die’ points a gun at him

Oh my God you can't kill yourself because you've already grown

oop well after that birth happened I had to take about 5 minutes to pause my brain and factor that in

yo I knew Tannhaus was going to figure in fucking more than he did

Is he the one who builds the cage

does this seem like a good idea or does this seem like a bad idea

shooting yourself What do you think that feels like

everybody's on a different team there are too many teams It went from like a presidential race to a March madness bracket There's so many fucking people involved everybody's got their own goddamn plan

folks I just want to emphasize here that we have an episode and a half to tie all this up

Oh shit universe A Claudia infiltrated universe B Claudia

I love what they did with the place after the fire It looks really nice It's a different vibe but it's good

so Eve made the plans for the machine

Wait what She died. 

I can't believe that Elizabeth and Charlotte have to be the ones to drop off Charlotte as an orphan

Oh noooooooooooo Jonas didn't do it!!!!

Oh my God don't make me feel sympathy for Hannah

he looks so fucked up 

bye hannah we won't miss you

but also hate leaving a child without their parents

Tell us what's on the last page and tell us what happened to woller's eye

All right now we're seeing how everybody got to where they were like the first fucking time

I love this walk down memory lane it's literally just the stylized recap of the show right before the final episode which is 10/10

watch your face girl

too late

Omg what does this mean 

THE FINALE:

This show is just Claudia Tiedemann Lurking: the TV show

Also the bullshit that he had to live through all of this in order to get to the end makes me really sad

yeah wait who's the fucking father of Regina

been way too sucked in

also. WE LOVE TO SEE A TIME TRAVEL TACKLE

WAS THIS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY IN STUTTGART

How many times are going to burn this place down

how many versions of this fucking machine do they have they're always like oh God we don't have a way here or there FUCKING LIARS

I can't believe that the thesis of this show is teenage hormones cause the apocalypse

Adam and Eve are such fucking children it's so stupid. 

reunion nnnnnnnnnnn

Oh shit he fucked up your plan huh

No I don't want it to end

I wish everybody didn't cry so much everybody so sad all the time

yup what in the actual fuck is happening

yo this is fucking wild

these baby Martha and Jonas are so cute

Not sure where we're going with this folks what's happening here wrap it up shit

I'm really obsessed with this golden snitch

It's just making me so sad

oh they're becoming stardust together

this is a weird cover but I'll take it

everything is going back to normal

but without Jonas and Martha and Claudia

if they don't tell us what happened to his eye I'm gonna flip out

I CAME HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO WOLLER’S EYE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Also what does this ending line mean its stressing me out

Well thats it. Three years of my life. Damn

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.09 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- Choni ❤️❤️❤️ But “stealing from.the rich to give to, well, us” what? Cheryl… YOU’RE RICH. Give some of the money to the Serpents They need it a bit more than you do baby. BUT BITCH THEIR FIRST I LOVE YOU I’M—

- Five weeks of the quarantine… that would have made an INCREDIBLE story line? Seriously? It would have been amazing to see Sweet Pea being temporary king while Jarghead and FP were gone. But no… let’s just skip the good part? What the fuck kinda writing skips.a great plot?

- “All physical contact must be kept to a minimum?” um… literally WHY? There’s literally NO reason for that to be a rule? Also fuck off Moose no ones likes a tattle tale and we all know that you’re slumming it up with Kevin after school so leave my babies alone. Oh. it’s for the seizures? Really? Dude SEIZURES ARE NOT FUCKING CONTAGIOUS YOU STUPID FUCKERS OH MY GOD. Stop trying to keep then gays from being cute!!!!!!!

- The RROTC made the rules? Dude they don’t run the school lmao that’s NOT HOW THINGS WORK

- JOSIE SINGING!!! MY BABY VERONICA!!! UGH FUCK ME UPPPP

- VEGGIE. VERONICA IS LOOKING AT JOSIE’S INCREDIBLE SINGING WHILE REGGIE IS AWING AT VERONICA I’M—

-  Ew and then my mood is ruined by bughead waking up 😷😷😷

- Betty put all of those girl’s… in HER house? THE COOPERS CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES LET ALONE THOSE GIRLS. Also don’t they fucking have families? And yes, Betty, that scream definitely would wake up your mom because they have those motherly instincts and they’d think their child was hurt, so ofc she’s going to wake up.

- They want to play… G&G… are you kidding me? I kinda get that it makes them feel better because that’s how they had it in SOQM but still WHY? JUST PLAY CLASSICAL MUSIC OR SOMETHING AND TAKE A BATH.

- Of course Jughead goes from his horrible leadership to “I left you too long” stfu right now your priority is the Serpents and who’s dealing the drugs (although I know who and uhhhh leave them alone he has to stay alive somehow)

 - They don’t even have an elected Sheriff yet? WHY? SHERIFF KELLER DIDN’T DIE DID HE? THEN FUCKING REINSTATE HIM??? IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD YOU STUPID FUCKS

 - “Maybe that means that Archie could come back home” wE KNOW YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM BETTY. Barchie!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

- Reggie ❤️❤️❤️ WOAH WHAT NO LEAVE HIM ALONE? HE ALREADY GETS ABUSED BY HIS FATHER! But aw Ronnie gets to take care of him I’m—

- Hiram really is trying to hustle his daughter wow so uhhh he does know that his daughter is the incredible Veronica Lodge, right? She’ll find a way lol we all know the queen can do everything

- “Has anyone ever told you you’re a badass?” Wow Reggie is so fucking into her I’m just 😭😭

- If Vegas gets hurt RAS will LITERALLY DIE.  I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AND I’M NOT READY FOR THIS. Also there’s no way Vegas wouldn’t have seen or heard the bear behind him but sure whatever. ARCHIE JUST BC SHE’S ZONING OUT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T HEAR HER. JUST DO WHAT SHE SAYS JESUS. Also how convenient that it suddenly doesn’t work.

- “They imprinted on me” Betty NEVER say that again that was gross as fuck. “But as their queen, they are your responsibility, not mine” bitch Betty can’t be a queen no matter how hard she tries, and she (nor Jughead) know how to take care of anyone but themselves so… Alice unless you want Betty to end up killing them, this is where you, as the mom, undermine her and take them to the farm. Of course I don’t trust the farm but it’s much safer than the Cooper house hold because they have the resources to spare, the Cooper’s don’t.

- Hey here’s an idea… since you can’t get to Hiram using the nuns because they took a vow of silence (cowards) then maybe… just maybe… OUT IT AS A CONVERSION THERAPY HELL SITE AND USE THAT INSTEAD? But we know Betty doesn’t want to save the gays so 😷😷

- I love Josie’s singing but why is she singing in an empty lounge? REST HER VOCALS.

- I used to love Hiram’s evil-ness but now he just shows up all the time and it’s getting annoying. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD END THIS FUCKING PLOT SO VERONICA CAN FOR ONCE GET HER OWN STORY THAT BETTY DOESN’T TAKE, THAT DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND HER FATHER OR A GUY. SERIOUSLY. They have so much potential with literally any other character but still decide to force Bughead and their separate characters down our throats. Like at this point honestly just kill them both off Jesus Christ

- Jughead… this is a gang… they’ve always sold drugs? At least, weed, but still? You have to take into consideration that you were gone, and they were placed under quarantine, and they needed money. You can’t blame any of them for dealing with Hiram you whiny piss baby. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

- God it bothers me that Jarghead is such a lowsy king. When do we get Sweet Pea overthrowing him? pLEASE WE NEED IT SO TONI CAN LEAD BESIDE HIM. Maybe Swangs (even though I know what happens) and Choni can co-lead the Serpents

- Cheryl speaking facts! AND MY BOY FANGS. Jughead had NOTHING to say to Fangs and FP had to step up and cover for Jughead, because he was right. What else are they supposed to do? Gangs are supposed to do bad shit? Jughead has done ultimate horrible shit and suddenly he’s going to act like a gang is supposed to be clean? Jughead do your research that is not what gangs do. Also, if FP is going to be at every fucking Serpent meeting maybe he should, you know, take his spot back. He’s a MUCH better leader than Jughead, even though I’d prefer it be one of the founding members like TONI FUCKING TOPAZ or something.

- I love how no one really does the “in unity there is strength” thing. Like, they know they’re being lead to slaughter basically and FP is just letting it happen. Also, they’re running the gang into the ground. There is no more unity because JUGHEAD’S STUPID POWER-HUNGRY ASS ISN’T DOING SHIT TO HELP THE GANG. Also also Betty looks so out of place and awkward there. Can’t wait for Archie to come back and for her to realize that he almost died and then realize she can’t live without him and that she loves him and finally bughead can split for good and barchie can rise

- If Veronica paid why the FLYING FUCK did they go after Josie? FucK OFF HIRAM

- Polly you had to say his name. LEAVE MY BOY ALONE.

- FANGS CRYING STOP STOP STOP MY BABY BOY NO NO NO

- “We could’ve helped you” JUGHEAD YOU LITERALLY JUST BANNED CRIME. THE SERPENTS HAVE NO MONEY WHAT ELSE WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO? Also they can’t get mad at him bc this was before Jughead got back and did the stupid crime law like a hypocrite

- DUDE FANGS DID THIS BEFORE THE FUCKING RULE YOU STUPID FUCKERS? LIKE??? DO YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS?

- Oh Jughead has one brain cell left? I know he ends up being cancelled but he’s not… yet.

- CHONI BREAKING IN AND STEALING SHIT YES BITCH

- Why is Archie hallucinating playing G&G? Like doesn’t this mean he’s playing by himself? The fuck?

- Dead ass Cassidy telling Archie it sounds like his fault that all that happened, you can tell that this is Archie’s mind because he always blames himself for things that have nothing to do with him. Because we know that it’s definitely NOT his fault. None of it is.

- Cheryl just HAD to kiss the picture

- JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. MY FANFIC IS COMING TO LIFE. JUGHEAD AND THE SERPENTS PROTECTING VERONICA YASSSSSSSSS

- I’m mad that they didn’t have Joaquin not actually die. Like, Sweet Pea and Fangs were close to him? They could have faked his death like what the fuck

- YES WE LOVE AND STAN LAWYER MCCOY

- How did Jughead know that Toni was involved? Cheryl was the only one who left a stupid calling card.

- THE TEARS WELLING IN TONI’S EYES STOP STOP STOP

- But he can’t fucking kick her out she’s literally a legacy. This crusty white boy needs to sit the fuck down

- Okay one, Cheryl why would you bring Fangs back into it? THE FUCK. Also, Jughead you can’t be disappointed in Fangs for telling SP even though you said not to tell anyone—best friend’s never count. 

- SWEET PEA STANDING UP. FANGS CRYING. “Some leader you are” YES FANGS WHAT A KING. SWEET PEA BBY OH MY GOD

- “And the rest of us don’t get to go back to Thistlehouse” says the disgusting whiny piss baby who gets to sleep in his girlfriend’s house, in her comfortable bed while his gang lays in cots or some shit in tents. Get off your mighty high horse, Jughead. God, now they’re switching roles… Betty is kinda becoming SLIGHTLY tolerable and now Jughead is being so fucking annoying. Go back to how it was please.

- JERONICA. AND VEGGIE. EXCELLENCE.

- So Archie standing over Hiram and shit was all a fucking dream? Really? COME ON. Lol Hiram has a point though because everyone goes in and tells him their fucking plans. OMG THE CALLBACK TO THE FIRST EPISODE WAS GREAT. CALL BACK TO BARCHIE BEING ENDGAME YESSSS.

- So if Veronica ended up smashing the egg… then fucking give Fangs, Toni, and Cheryl their spots in the Serpents back since it was all for nothing anyways.

- I’m glad Cheryl and Nana Rose are housing some fo the girls but WHAT ABOUT THE SERPENTS YOU GUYS HAVE A BIG FUCKING HOUSE. Why didn’t she house some of them there? I mean it’s ooc for Toni not to be thinking of her fellow Serpents why wouldn’t she be like “hey babe you have a lot of room here what if we help house some of the Serpents” but uhhh apparently not.

- Hey FP shut the fuck up with this “she’s still a Lodge” shit because you all know she doesn’t associate herself with her parents anymore. Remember “you don’t have a daughter” or…?

- Jughead brought up when FP worked for Hiram. Hell yeah! But him saying he wants Jughead to be a better king than him? BITCH YOUR SON DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO RUN A GANG. HE SUCKS. HE’S STUPID AND RUINING THE GANG HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT? God never give your throne to blood family.

- Yeah, FP, you’re not made for the sidelines you’re made to RULE you stupid fuck. Maybe you should get back with Alice she makes you more stable and less stupid

- REGGIE’S LIKE “NOT THIS TIME BITCH”

- SWEET PEA WITH A BAT FUCK YEAH

- So… you threaten the gargoyle bitch but you don’t unmask him to see who he is? Are you fucking stupid?

- Wtf… he has to beat himself with a bat on his own bed? I am confusion… WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? THE BLACK HOOD AND HIRAM AND THE GARGOYLE KING HAVE DONE SHIT NOT YOU YOU BIG BAFOON. NO DON’T DESTROY YOU’RE GOOD HEARTED INNOCENCE. YOU’RE THE ONLY BRAVE ONE OF THE CORE FOUR. ARCHIE NO.

- If they make Archie unlikable the only good core four person will be Veronica.

- VERONICA SINGING ❤️❤️❤️ Oh fuck I know this song but I can’t remember where I’ve heard it!!!

- VEGGIE. SHE’S SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE HIM I’M— HE’S SO ENAMORED WITH HER. VEGGIE KISS. Why can they make their chemistry shown on screen but Bughead can’t? Like both couples are even dating irl, too…

- JUGHEAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT. He only uses Sweet Pea or Fangs when he has something he doesn’t want to do usually because it’s too dangerous for him (whiny piss baby). DON’T MAKE MY BABY BOY GO UNDERCOVER HE’LL FUCKING GET HURT.

- I’ve literally never hated Jughead more nothing he can do can make up for what he’s done in this episode bye

- What the actual fuck. This is so fucking stupid.

- Archie isn’t dead. If Archie dies before bitch ass Betty or Jiggaloo Jones I will literally come after RAS. 

[fymagnificentwomcn]

If you were the writer or season 2 and if "Farya" didn't exist .. How would've you portrayed Ayşe's character and her relationship with murad and with kosem ? (Sorry for my horrible English)

Hello! That’s such a good question, thank you.

I remember how the fandom was divided by “ship wars” when MYK s2 went on air, but personally I wanted to see more of a partnership than an epic love story. That’s way more realistic and interesting to me as a viewer; I think the rivalry and the unnecessary romance was one of the reasons why the plot for season 2 ended up getting wrong in a lot of ways. They had a good show and a rich account of past events, it didn’t make sense to do the ‘history-repeats-itself’ they decided to go for. I mean, when you watch episode 1 you see all the wasted potential in Ayse’s arc, it’s just sad. 

So with this in mind, I still stand by what Margot and I talked about a while ago and she decided to make this amazing post. In details this represents everything that could have been in Ayse’s storyline. Hope it helps. :)

- Mai

 I agree with Mai - Farya brought nothing of importance to the show despite all the screentime she occupied and all efforts of screenwriters to make us love her.

The fact that we know so little about Ayse and Ayse/Murad relations offered writers a lot of creative license and as such opportunity to bring something fresh to the table.

Getting rid of Farya and all her nonsensical plots would be the first step, of course. Show me a Farya-related plot that made sense and had actual meaning for overall storyline - there is none. 

Second, now it is time for small digression - I find the repeated romantisation of slave/master relationships that often includes fairytale elements to be the biggest flaw of both shows. The shows did well in being critical about many aspects of pathologies of that system to the extent that is hard to find in other shows on the Ottoman Empire and which even made Erdogan angry (compare with MBCF with all its super!Mehmed stuff, and I don’t even want to mention TRT propaganda shows), but when it comes to (especially long-term) trauma of women who suddenly lost everything and became slaves used for reproduction and sexually pleasing a man for whom they were captured, they did very badly. They even portrayed the trauma of male slaves better thanks to a complex portrayal of Ibrahim’s character in the original MY, with the lingering trauma contributing heavily to his downfall.

Instead of trauma, we have too many master-slave romances. I can only recall Sadika crying after Suleyman forced her to sleep with him back in MY S1. Usually after a night spent with THE GUY concubines are shown to be on cloud nine. And in some cases it turns into love and if life’s not perfect that’s not because of any long-term trauma, but only because of power struggles. Sometimes they even portray what pretty much has a lot of out-of-textbook elements of Stockholm syndrome to later not acknowledge it properly  because of rushing though the plot and messy execution, see Nasya going quickly from “I’m not anyone’s property” to “I belong to him” because she needed to stay because of pure motives. I get it now more what they wanted to convey, especially in contrast with what we’ve seen later and the darkness of the ending, but still.. you could have done it better. Man, even Christian princesses want nothing more but to become the Sultan’s mistress (lbr Murad wouldn’t have married Farya without the attack). A lot of salt, yes, but this issue bothers me a lot and I had an Anon on fatihdaily expressing such worries too (thank you for an excellent ask, Anon!).

Back on track a bit - even if some of those women eventually developed affection for their masters because it was their only chance for some love or due to Stockholm syndrome (remember Safiye’s “only love may make living in this palace bearable” - if this does not clearly point to Stockholm syndrome than IDK, BUT ACKNOWLEDGE THIS BETTER.

And Murad’s harem is perfect for that because he truly wasn’t the romantic type or one for romantic bonds with women. He was truly the guy who used harem for reproduction and sexual satisfaction, if he managed to even grace it with his presence. Give me Ayse and Murad who aren’t in love with each other, but she’s the one who manages to earn his respect as perhaps the only woman after his mother. Give me Ayse, who in her loneliness tries to get close to Murad because he’s the only person she can truly get close to. He does sleep with her after all, kisses her, perhaps gives her some presents? Who is to quench her loneliness if not this man? Show me Ayse who partners with Murad because she tries to find purpose in this new life, at least for their kids. Show me Ayse who’s aware that she could be much happier elsewhere, but must try to build a good future for herself where she is; who would love to abandon this life if it was possible. But do not show me woman a bitter woman scorned because dude rejects her  first .

Now for character development: give me Ayse who grows bold enough to form her own network of relationships completely independently of Murad. Who, while at first scared of her mother-in-law, actually realises that she has much more in common with this woman than with her “partner”, a “shadow of God on Earth”, who has a lot given to him on a silver platter just because he bears the title of a padisah. And yes, we have practically next to none positive mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships in MY/K, and since Kosem/Turhan has to be antagonistic eventually, why don’t give Kosem a nice relationship with Ayse that would be more than just “we tolerate each other” and that would never have anything hidden, like Turhan becoming close to Kosem to eventually use it against her mother-in-law? Give us something totally genuine, like Mahidevran/Mihrunnisa in original MY, just this time between two historical characters. 

At the same time, Ayse’s relationship with Murad would deteriorate due to his increasing cruelty and alcohol addiction. This guy is definitely not a romantic hero out of every girl’s dreams. Bah, he’s not even a nice guy. And if you show abuse, again acknowledge it properly, without dumb lines like Madame Marguerite, who usually tried to knock some sense into Farya, telling her that “Forgive him he tried to kill you for what was mainly his fault, poor Murad has so many things to worry about”(WTF???). Make her drift away from him as much as she can OUT OF HER OWN WILL, not because he rejects her. I love Margot’s idea about Ayse realising he is trash before other big rival comes along. Since Murad likely had more than one concubine and one more haseki - bring them, but show Ayse not giving a fuck at all at this point. More - why not make them bond over their own misery? Murad descends into alcohol downward spiral that makes him spend much more time on long drinking parties with buds and killing or hurting people sometimes just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, so USE THIS OPPORTUNITY to show scared and disappointed women teaming up to survive his jackass behaviour. 

We all know Ayse would eventually lose her sons, but I would love for her to also have daughters, so that she wouldn’t be so  alone because historically she lived really long. And yeah I wouldn’t mind to see her being happy to leave Topkapi eventually, I don’t mean here being happy upon a death of man who after all was the father of her kids, but relieved to be free of this palace at last. Challenge the “Palace of Tears” concept.

As for her personality… pretty much what Margot described. I would love her to be more quietly strong, to contrast nicely with the imposing presence of the powerhouse that Kosem is. Clever and perceptive, but not a schemer. I’d love to see her use more emotional intelligence than pure cunningness. And I honestly feel Leyla Feray would be good to reflect such personality.

Oh, all the dreams *sighs*

Thank you once more for a great question :)

- Joanna

[danvssomethingorother]

My Top Picks for VB fics

I didn’t want to put the fics in any order, they are all good and just as a warning, I mainly read Brusty fics but these are my personal favorites from the VB fandom. most VB fics are good though and I still have some not Brusty ones on my to read list later, so I will likely update again lol. Please feel free to reblog this and add more fics!

Hubris Makes the Heart Grow Strong -  

Ship: Brusty eventually

Status: Ongoing. 

Author: @the-monarch-is-a-venture here

Summary: An AU in which Rusty takes Brock's DNA while they're in college and ends up mixing it with his own later to create Hank and Dean.This will be Brock x Rusty further in to the story, but it's definitely gonna be a slow build, multi-chapter type thing.

My notes: I think this was one of the first VB fics I read way back in July after I finally got around to finishing up the series after years of never being able to keep up with it properly even though I have always liked the show and man this really helped me stick around and keep an eye on the fandom even when it was dead.

I just really like the premise of this fic, its a really creative and interesting origin story of where the twins came from and its just really soft. Its like a perfect fic to read when like you have had a long day and just need to relax with a cute fic. 

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What’s Past Is A Prologue

Ships: Brusty

Status: Complete

Author: mirawonderfulstar

Summary: “How is the doc, anyway? Have you heard from him recently?”“Alas, no.” Orpheus said solemnly. “The last I saw of him was shortly after you and the boys left the compound. I went by to see if perhaps he needed some cheering up, poor fellow, all alone in that huge empty place, and he threw me out.” Orpheus’s tone grew colder. “I daresay that Killinger fellow brainwashed him, yes? Turned him away from the things and people he loved. I cannot think of any other reason he’d allow you and the children to be parted from him, he always seemed so devoted to you all.”Brock felt something cold slide down into his stomach, and he took a quick spoonful of his soup which did nothing to counter the effect. “You think?” He grunted after a moment.An AU following the divergence that Rusty took Killinger's offer at the end of The Doctor Is Sin.

My Notes: Rusty becomes a villain AUs are my jam. The Doctor Is Sin is definitely one of my favorite episodes!

I love how it keeps it a mystery what Rusty is up by keeping everything in Brock’s perspective and showing his slow transformation into a real villain and I don’t want to give it away but Rusty’s plan is freaking genius. Like that is super in character and its a really heart breaking ending. Just go read it, you won’t regret it.

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How you Feeling?

Ships: Brusty

Status: Complete

Author: NewAgeVintage 

Summary: Taking place in a vague place in season 6/7.Rusty loses his secret stash of ‘emergency’ pills when he loses the compound. Thankfully money can buy dubiously prescribed medication. After a frustrating night in the lab he breaks into his stash and Brock needs to step in. 

My Notes: I have been trying to just like keep it to like one story per author I like and since most of the fandom is like the same few people making tons of really good work, it sometimes got tricky. 

Like I have really loved every single story this author has made but I settled on this one eventually because I just really love the idea that Brock is just used to Rusty’s bad habits and just knows how to handle the situation easily. Like he just knows him too well and I am just rambling without giving away the entire story but I just like the dynamic between Rusty and Brock and how its presented. Also read their other VB fics cause I love them lots too.  

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Red and Blue

Ship: None, gen.

Status: Complete

Author: @paigek9

Summary: From a young age, Rusty knew that Malcom was treated differently.When they were four, their dad started color-coding all of their toys, mostly to keep Uncle Rodney from losing his mind because of the daily screaming matches and fights between the brothers. All of Rusty’s toys were red; his favorite color. Malcom’s were blue, even though he liked yellow. Red was a dominant color, according to his father. The mark of a strong leader (Definitely not because fans had the habit of sending Rusty red gifts to match his hair). Blue marked the color of his company, or at least that’s what he would say around Malcom. To Rusty, it meant Player 2, Option B, a backup plan. Malcom was born to play second fiddle to Rusty, and that’s how it was supposed to be…According to Jonas.

My Notes: Yes, I know she just wrote this for me for my silly AU but I just really love this fic ok? My friend is so talented and I love her. Look what she made.

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Private Growth in the Face of... Stuff

Ship: Brusty

Status: Complete

Author: @deliriumbubbles

Summary: After the party at Hatred’s and debriefing the boys, Brock and Rusty fight over what went down at the party. Or at least, what Rusty knows about. They send the boys to bed, and Brock sets to work relieving some tension. 

My Notes: When I make lists like this I usually try to not give like smut recs but like this is just a really freaking good smut fic. Its not just smut, its a complex feels piece that just happens to have smut. Its just a really good fic guys, just read it.

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Into Safety? (Wear Some Kneepads)

Ship: Brusty

Status: Complete

Author: newyorktopaloalto

Summary:  Brock coming back— free of pay and of his own volition— meant nothing more than he still loved the boys he had helped Rusty raise for almost twenty years. This was not a romcom (no matter the clichéd archetypes that set the stage for his life) and if it were, it would not be one starring him— it would be starring Meg Ryan because he had already thought about it for way longer than he would admit out loud. So he was living here, taking care of the boys, giving Rusty a long-suffering and amusingly indulgent look, existing (drinking coffee, making dinner, cracking terrible jokes and skulls) as though he had never left...And so, yeah, whatever, Brock coming back might have something (infinitesimal, really, but bordering on nigh) to do with him. It still didn't make his life a romcom.

My Notes: Did you really expect me not to rec the one and only successful Rusty fic on A03? Cause I have so many feels for this fic. It just takes the basic concept of a successful Rusty and it builds its own little world off it all the while very much keeping it in the Venture Bros universe. Its so good, it makes me cry. Please read it. 

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Where are My Pills, Where is My Former Lover?

Ship: Brusty

Status: Ongoing

Author: hell0lust

Summary: He’d promised Brock, all those years ago, that he was through with the pills, for good. Who cares what Brock thinks? He’s not your... whatever he was, anymore. Brock doesn’t get to decide what you do or don’t do.Rusty Venture has never known a life outside of failure. With the sudden weight of keeping his late brother's company afloat on his shoulders, Rusty finds himself falling into old habits of prescription drug abuse, as a means to cope.

My Notes: Out of the genre of ‘Rusty picks up his old addictions again in New York’ fics (that are really all good) this one is my favorite. It sadly hasn’t been updated in awhile but I hold hope the author will come back eventually. I just love how everything is played off in this fic, the slow build to Rusty and Brock getting back together and Rusty’s addictions and his jealousy of Warriana, its all just good. Go read it, you won’t regret it.

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let me in the wall you've built around

Ship: Brusty

Status: Complete 

Author: @ladyofdecember

Summary: Rusty has a hard time coming to grips with events after "The Unicorn In Captivity". His family is worried. Brock and Rusty struggle with communication. 

My Notes: This was another case of damn, which fic of the authors should I choose for this? There are a ton of amazing stories she has written! I think I finally settled on this one because it gave a really beautiful conclusion to one of the darker episodes from this season and it brings me joy. The angst building up to a warm fluffy ending is really beautiful.

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Surrogate Fatherhood

Ship: None, Gen.

Status: Complete

Author: @tsv

Summary: "He tries to ignore the shortcomings in Doc's parenting, at first. In the beginning, he'd taken it as the understandable failings of a first-time father — an emotionally callous comment here, a forgotten promise there. But soon enough, they begin to pile up, piecing together like a quilt of subtle emotional neglect.And it's not his job. At all. It's not even remotely his job. Still, when Dean comes out of his room crying about a nightmare and Doc tells him he's busy without even looking up, it itches at him. Despite the distance he'd tried to maintain, Brock genuinely feels bad."A piece reflecting on Brock and his relationship with the boys over the years.

My Notes: It was really hard for me to choose one from this author. I think I am in love with all of their work. Every piece is a freaking masterpiece and well done and everything I wanted from this fandom. But I chose this one cause fluffy Brock and the boys stuff is pretty rare and this one always, always manages to hit me in the feels.

----

That’s it for now, my favorite fics. If you want to add more, please do! Like everyone in this fandom is super talented!

[unoriginalanimeho]

Angel Beats! Review: (LOL this is a long ass review. Please enjoy as i felt like it was appropriate for this one to be more from-the-heart like the anime itself :o and Yes, I highly recommend it as you can see. Happy watching)

How to begin... It was a Saturday night when my coworker suggested we watch this anime that he held in high regard. The three of us had just finished work and planned to relax with food, burritos from La Vics. After deciding that we would enjoy our late night meal with a show, my coworker logged into his Crunchyroll account and then... we all fell asleep. The End Jokes aside, I didn’t expect to binge watch an entire 12 episode series in a night. Especially when I had work the next morning. But like the unreal, exhausting next day where I struggled to stay awake for the next 7 hours of work, there is probably no other that comes to mind in terms anime when it comes to Angel Beats!. Animation, Soundtrack, Emotion, Angel Beats practically topped every expectation that I had whenever I begin a new series that I knew so little about. The animation for Angel Beats! is superb. Every movement the characters made, during fast-paced battles to the high-energy school concerts to even just the interactions the characters have with their friends was all on point. There hasn’t been a moment during my viewing where I thought to myself “huh, the animation quality dipped”, which is rare for any series. Especially when similar series with fluid animation quality still suffered during the middle of the series. But most definitely, the most eye-catching thing about the show that highlights this point is the opening. HOT DAMN!: the piano, the Angel’s movements, camera rotation. I can go on and on. Openings are one of the most important and memorable things about an anime. It get’s you hyped for it each week a new episode airs, you connect the opening to the anime whenever you hear it being played as you walk down the street. The animation team for AB! did one helluva job with this project and it’s become one of the most memorable things that I love about Angel Beats!

Speaking of the opening, everything music related about the series is amazing! Let’s first address the hidden support of any anime ever, the soundtrack. Soundtracks are important imo as it keeps the viewers engaged while watching. The music whenever the Afterlife War Front are plotting their secret operations or just up to no good, are all catchy with their tempos, almost reminding me planning phases of a tactics video game. Which could also be synonymous to how the Afterlife War Front are afterall, while they fight to repel the Angel, it’s almost like theyre plotting to play tricks on their fellow student(s) and live out their lives as if they were alive and causing trouble at school. Meanwhile, you have the anime’s rockband group, Girl’s Dead Monster. Despite being a front so the main protag and his posse can pull off their Operations discretely without getting innocent students involved, the rock band’s music not only do a splendid job keeping the student’s attention but mine as well. It’s almost like how K-On has their own music for the anime but is also commonly listened to on other’s free time. The anime’s “singles” as I would call it, also remind me of FLCL, how the identity of the music is synonymous to the anime and vice versa. It also fits so well in the anime so that it has purpose and reason for being included instead of a gimmick to make viewers go “yeah Angel Beats! is good! did you know it also has a single in it as well?”. It instead makes you go “yeah Angel Beats! is amazing! They even have their own songs that help tell its story!” Also Iwasawa’s “ballad” tho TT_TT  Now finally the opening. The opening is beautiful. When the song begins to reach the climax and then hits the chorus, it’s strong as it shakes your soul. It moves you as the piano in both the song and the anime opening strikes each key with power. And the lyrics. While the song is great to listen to without reading or understanding the lyrics, the passion from the singing is fine enough, the lyrics fit so well to the themes and the plot of the anime itself. And honestly, when reading the lyrics during the final episodes of the series, hooo boy does it hit you like a truck.

Going back to what I said about the anime at the beginning, Angel Beats! topped every expectation I had about it. While the story was familiar, students in another world fighting against a common enemy, what made this series stand out so much from anything else I typically watch was its humor, its suspense and its sad moments. The series is fun as hell to watch as the character’s interact with one another. Though all anime are gonna have this sort of interaction between close friends, the way they make fun or prank each other, Angel Beats! seems to knock that out of the ball park with its flavor of punchlines, references to other anime, but moreso, the memes. There are so many jokes that they use throughout the series and they’ll often reoccur, such as the RIP theme, cutting off other characters whenever theyre talking, so on so forth.  Angel Beats! is also memorable as hell for how suspenseful and sad it is. All the characters have suffered most unfortunate deaths, resulting in their revivals in the limbo school/realm (for lack of a better term) where they can continue to live their lives as regular students and fill/replace the voids and bad memories that have occured to them in the past. You have Iwasawa’s inability to live her dream to perform for a live audience due to head trauma caused by her abusive father, Yui’s inability to live a normal life in the first place due to being paralyzed at a very young age, Yuri’s inability to save her own young siblings from thieves/murderers. Though that’s practically the entire list, it’s still nonetheless depressing for an anime, especially when the situations that the characters have lived through in their previous lives are so real and definitely hit so close to home (in a believable sense that is). And goddamn is it especially sad at the last episode. It’s one of the rare and few animes that have made me cry... Anyways, Angel Beats! is a high-tier on my list for good reason and I implore everyone to give it a chance if you haven’t watched it already. 

[flameontheotherside]

Strength

As some of you probably know, Ive had a difficult past. It still makes me cry sometimes when I think of it especially now. Erik was kind wallowing about how much he messed up. In every life he left me when I needed him. He believes this life was know different because we had/have still such a psychic bond that only now we understand. I don't blame him, its not really his fault.

I'll finally admit that since meeting Erik and find out he's my TF my life hasn't really gotten better.... Or worse. I'd still have my episodes only this time I'm confident that when I kick the bucket he will be there as well as a few friends I've lost too.

Every day is a battle and every night is a triumph.

In each life I had to deal with not only the loss of my TF but also my fucking mind. In two of those lives, I took my life or let myself die of aids because there was no point or purpose to life. Even still I wonder now how do I do it and when I'll officially crack dealing with so much all at once. I'm not the kind of individual who can handle shit like most people. #klonopin queen

Facing basically the same bullshit, Erik laments on about how ashamed and cowardly he was to kill my happiness. For the fourth time. In this sort of heartbreaking tale I still find myself optimistic about our future. Because he breaks me down when we chip away at our karmic ties and builds me up with the courage to preservere. You know despite all the challenges with of course living with our abusive father happening to be my current "bf".

Vince is of course the total opposite of our father back in the 17th century. Erik has had to watch me for the past 7 years being with this guy. I can imagine how that must feel for him. Well how all of must have felt for him to see me struggle so much since his death.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit.(◕‿◕)♡ channelingerik.com … And YouTube

There is a new Twin Flame in spirit support forum: Spirit Spouse Support Group check it out!

[kpopgerapitico]

EOYR 2017: K-Dramas Part 1

I couldn’t do all the dramas I wanted to talk about (in depth) in one post. So here is the first one.

For this list, these dramas are decent. They are not the cream of the crop, and they all have issues. But for some reason (hint: it’s usually chemistry), at the end of the year looking back, I still love them.

So here, in no particular order. I decided to make a different format than my song stuff, because of course I should. So I borrowing a little bit from Dramabeans, and a little bit from Josei next Door (both of whom (or whoms? since Dramabeans is a bunch of people) do great work).

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon:

In A Sentence: Do Bong Soon is super strong, thus shenanigans ensue (and maybe some romance).

Steer Clear If: You cannot suspend disbelief (cause oh boy) or if you expect this to be your new feminist drama. It is not.

Comments:

There are some extraordinary parts of this drama. Namely Park Hyunsik throughout, though the lead Park Bo Young does some good work too. The romance is squee worthy in a lot of places. And it hits the notes you want from superhero dramas. It is really fun to have a beta male who is so in love with the lead, and doesn’t fear her strength quite as much as get turned on by it. Again, Park Hyunsik kills it, his face in this whole drama is both meme worthy as well as an epiphany for his acting skills. Some of the humor is also really good (the sandbags always get me, as well as the high school gang), and if you like low brow humor, there is quite a bit of that as well. Also, the soundtrack has the superpower girl sound, which is great, is one of the few songs that I remember from a drama well enough to sing it in my head without any prompting.

Then, there is the rest of this show. Boy is it a train wreck. There is a serial killer plot line that could be really good in a different super hero show (maybe Blade Man?), but is absolutely jarring. Jisoo plays a second lead that is never more than half-dimensional character. There is a caricature of a gay man played only for humor. There is some very possibly manipulative behavior from the lead guy to the girl. There is mentioned abuse between the mother and father, which is also played for comedy. There is a whole lot of stuff that makes me very unhappy with this show.

But then I remember how much I was crying while Ahn Min Hyuk refused to leave Do Bong Soon on the roof to die. Or how much it hurt every time Ahn Min Hyuk’s family was mean to him. Or how much I loved how confident Do Bong Soon was, and how much she fell from that, every once in a while.

And it reminds me that for all its faults, this show still managed to make me care. And that this year was quite a feat.

Age of Youth 2:

In A Sentence: The girls are back (for the most part), with more of the hi jinks of college, and life just after.

Steer Clear If: You like dramas that don’t disappoint you at the last possible second. Or you haven’t seen the first season (do it, it’s better).

Comments:

I love a lot about this series as a whole, and this season kept a lot of that up. Even if I had to fight with everyone else for subs. Han Yeri’s plot line still makes me very happy, even as she navigates another incredibly hard job this season. It makes me wonder why she isn’t in more dramas every year with how well she does. Han Seung Yeon’s character got her happy ending and it felt deserved. Kim Min Seok was the treasure we all know and love from Descendants of the Sun, this time cuter and more honest. Lee You Jin was also an epiphany this season, doing better in the role of awkward and uncomfortable in your own body than I think Onew would have. Choi A Ra’s character was one of the more background characters for me in remembering the show, but stands out for how she related to Kim Min Seok.

You may have noticed some names missing. The first, the first year couple from the first season, suffered from a recast and a re-characterization that also made no sense to me. No wonder he broke up with her as she went straight down the line to crazy town (she was literally being a stalker/overly attached ex through half the season).

Then comes my biggest gripe. There is AMAZING chemistry for the whole season (and a lot of last season) between Im Sung Min (Son Seung Won) and Song Ji Won (Park Eun Bin). We have all been waiting for them to get together for 2 WHOLE SEASONS!!!!! And what did the show do? Dangle the relationship in front of us, and leave us with NOTHING at the end. NOTHING!!!!!!!!

In the end, there is a lot to love about this show. I think this season especially gave us incredibly relatable women, and quite a few swoon worthy men as well. It enforced the community around the first season and helped it grow (my favorite part of the community is the subber who does the English subs on the JTBC Drama YouTube channel, they are amazing). And it showed us that everyone has similar problems to us, and deals with them just as poorly as we do.

While You Were Sleeping:

In A Sentence: A girl can’t stop the future deaths she sees in her sleep, but maybe with some help she can.

Steer Clear If: You expect things to always makes sense (cause they don’t) or you expect a procedural to keep you interested in the week to week plot (it really isn’t all that great)

Comments:

While You Were Sleeping is two different shows smashed into one. One of the shows, the rom com starring Suzy and Lee Jong Suk, works always and forever because their chemistry is adorable. The other show, a crime procedural about a girl who can the the future deaths of others? I really really really want it to work, and it is a bummer that it doesn’t really work all that well at all.

The plot is convoluted as all get out. And more importantly, it’s sort of boring in a lot of parts. Or maybe it just isn’t for me. Maybe I just don’t care about the inner workings of law in Korea.

But, if you leave the plot out, and instead look at the directing and the characters, it is a good drama. There is a whole lot of great emotional punches, most if not all of which hit. There is a great plot about brotherly love. There is a great plot about a guy and a girl just being friends, and the guy for the most part doesn’t get bent out of shape about the fact that she doesn’t have feelings for him. And most of the show, he really doesn’t have feelings either.

And there is Suzy and Lee Jong Suk’s characters, whose personalities are both half confidence, half embarrassing misunderstandings. It makes for prime rom-com territory. I especially like all the times they put their respective feet in their mouths. It had me laughing every time.

And the emotional hits do well too, with tears when it was appropriately sad, and laughter when it was funny. What more can you ask for from your entertainment.

Suspicious Partner:

In A Sentence: A lawyer in training becomes a murder suspect, but it’s a rom com.

Steer Clear If: You get annoyed when plot becomes more important than characters.

Comments:

I rewatched most of this show in preparation to write this. And at first, I could not realize why I remember only liking this show. It was so good. It hits all my favorite rom com notes: witty banter, respect between the two leads (both of opinions and often emotions), characters that call each other out (or even themselves in the case of the lead women stalking the lead guy), and everyone else shipping them too.

But then the 3rd act happens. And there is a whole lot of crap. There is noble idiocy. There is characters holding things back from each other. There is Ji Chang Wook being a badass (the only highlight of this section). There are characters suddenly acting differently for no other reason than it makes the plot work. It goes off the rollers.

But the first 30 or so episodes? They are pretty amazing. There is a friendship between a guy and a girl! And there is never a crush or love line between them! And they use that closeness to make the main guy jealous! Hell, he gives her chocolate for that purpose, or maybe just because he is legitimately nice.

Also, the funniest thing I have seen in a drama this year happened in this drama. There is a scene (mild but obvious spoiler) where the main couple reveals themselves to the moms. And the best friend and office guy (he has more personality than that I promise) pretend to be shocked. And I watched it over and over again, giggling every single time.

School 2017:

In A Sentence: It is hard to succeed in a high school ruled by money and grades, but damn it Ra Eun Ho is going to try!!!

Steer Clear If: You aren’t a fan of the school series, or high school dramas in general, because this uses all of the tropes, good and bad.

Comments:

School 2017 is a return to form of the School franchise after the train wreck of 2015 (I didn’t watch 2015 because I waited long enough for it to have bad reviews and thus stop me from watching). And boy does it do the return well. It has the romance you want from a school drama, adorable and cute in every way, as well as the bromance we all loved from School 2013. It has the wonderful discovery of Kim Sejeong in a role that she absolutely destroyed at, and most of the rest of the young cast also doing super well (I liked Kim Jung Hyun a lot and Min Sung Wook was rudely underutilized).

My one and only problem with School 2017 is that it wanted to do just a few too many plots. It meant that they couldn’t go very deep into any of them. I loved most of the plot, but I can’t fully get behind a series that never gets the full depth of everything. I especially didn’t like that the best friend got super shafted in her plot line, especially since she had some cute buildup in the beginning where they could have made some astute commentary about fan culture, and then they threw that away because they didn’t have time for it with the main storyline getting so complex and large. It was a waste of what could have been a cute part of the show.

But, School 2017 is still a good show, with endearing characters. It reminded me of Sassy Go Go in the best way possible. It made me remember high school fondly, which is hard to do, and exactly what I want from this franchise.

[blackstarising]

stranger things 2 thoughts under the cut:

okay, this season was good, so everything after this is just going to be details but the season overall was good. any roasting is meant to be more of a light grill or even a light toast, if you will

first of all, can they just mail noah schnapp his emmy early? because that boy literally did the Most™. honestly, i don’t believe i’ve ever seen a child actor come full force the way he did. seeing will suffer onscreen was incredibly heartbreaking and noah definitely brought that depth to his role.

the soundtrack, the bush and mandale signs, the arcades, the clothing, the houses, all 80s, all wonderful.

i think the duffer brothers are trying to actually kill me bc not only do we get hopper but we got hopper in flannel doing dad thing and i am left here very thirsty and very distressed rip i brought this on myself

tbh i forgot that hopper even had a daughter until the fifth episode, because everything he was doing looked so natural

and i know there’s some Discourse brewing about jane (i’m going to call her jane consistently from now on, she deserves to be called by her real name) and hopper’s relationship, especially their fight mid-season, so i’ll throw my proverbial hat into the Discourse Ring

i’m not going to excuse hopper, actually, and i’ll even confess that as a binch with anxiety who hates yelling, i had to turn down the volume of my computer and read the subtitles at one point because it really messes with me

definitely, threatening to turn jane back over to the authorities was wrong, and a new low. but i also saw that it was very much anger born of worry. like, parents get angry, and he had a reason to, because you could see that he was watching his daughter willingly put herself in danger, and it’s not like she’s unaware of the consequences

that being said, i don’t blame jane for leaving. you could see she was starting to match the whole experience to her time in the lab with papa and the fact that she was counting the days. damn

so in the end, they both acted shitty, but they both owned up to that and apologized. and i think david and millie did a really good job in really portraying a realistic father-daughter relationship. it’s not always cute, fluffy, one-shot, material, it’s messy and screamy and painful sometimes.

but ohmygoodness their relationship hurts so good the bedtime stories the waffles the halloween candy sorry i need a mome-

max!!!!!! i!!!! love!!!!! max!!!!!! ever since i learned what internalized misogyny was, i’ve been a bit wary of tomboy characters. but max didn’t play into those stereotypes at all, which is super refreshing. she was very content to be who she was, but she didn’t need to denigrate other girls to do so!!!!!! and it’s just good!!!!!!! 

(also the fact that the boys didn’t question that max beat their high score. also good, also pure, beautiful, beautiful)

[suddenly wearing a mourning veil] okay we need to talk about bob. right now.

i was one of the people who was suspicious of him (not because of shipping reasons, but the show makes you a little on edge, you know?) so i definitely squinted at everything he did but like he was so sweet and supportive of joyce and the boys and he didn’t like overstep his bounds but the way he tried to encourage will was so sweet and and and he’s just working at radio shack and he checks in on joyce to eat lunch with her and make out in the supply closet [hyperventilates a little] and and and the slow dancing in his halloween costume and he knows BASIC [is practically sobbing at this point] and he loves the byers and he died so that they could be happy and he’s a superherO AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM AND SEAN ASTIN HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO MEEE-

also when he’s talking about how he grew out of getting bullied and “I get to date Joyce Byers!” i get so close to tearing up every time you have no idea

i love how we get development for the rest of the party’s families, and barb’s families too. especially lucas’ sister, a gem, an icon™

and just!!!! lucas!!!!!! i really love how he’s the straight man of the group, but you can tell he’s matured over the year that’s past (also that voice drop, i see you caleb)

and lucas and max is now the only relevant ship on this show im sorry i dont make the rules

dustin is so sweet and big hearted and i really loved seeing more of his depth. tbh i may or may not have started projecting a little especially at the last ep when no one would dance with him!!!! but it’s so hard when you’re so loving and no one returns it in the way you’d want it to!!!! and the fact that he was even willing to love and protect a demon from another dimension dustin please don’t let the world rob you of your sweetness

i was crying about noah earlier but finn also basically killed it this season. you could tell that mike was Depressed with a Capital D and even though he didn’t get as much screen time as he did last season, every scene he did have was Quality,

especially the scene when he was talking about how he and will became friends and those TEARS FINN JUST DRIVE TO MY HOUSE AND STAB ME MYSELF

i really loved watching jane grow and come into her own this season! you can tell that she’s very aware of her power, but there’s that internal struggle about how to use it, which made the final battle that much more poignant.

terry’s backstory was immensely heartbreaking, i don’t have much left to say about it

i really did love kali, though! the detour from hawkins was a bit unexpected, but i love that world building aspect and im really intrigued about kali’s backstory and also her...front story? damn i hope she’s in season three because there’s so much more tea left.

and like....what about 1-7, 9, 10? are they still alive [insert eyes emoji here]

i’m going to be Agressively Heterosexual and agree that billy is pretty™ but at the same time i’m super worried that he’s going to be woobified because he is abusive, and i’m 95% sure he’s racist. so yeah i really hope that doesn’t happen but it probably will [sips wine tiredly]

STEVEN, MY MANS. the development that started last season really paid off here! tbh even i felt hurt when he asked nancy “you don’t love me?” like this binch has got feelings! and he’s not perfect but he’s a lot more genuine than i gave him credit for and the fact that he babysits kids and calls them shitheads but also lets himself get his ass beat for them. oh steve, keep growing but never change.

okay, nitpick and potential unpopular opinion, but i kind of hated the jancy development in this season

because there really wasn’t any, i don’t know, and this is really shitty of me for all my campaigning last year, but it just felt very cheap and superficial

like nancy and steve break up very early in the season, conveniently

and then when they’re at conspiracy guy’s house it just felt too explicit, too heavy handed and cliche, like Conspiracy Guy is basically spelling out their relationship to the audience

and then they do the thing where they just....have sex, and maybe it’s because i’m wearing my grey-ace hat, but like, honestly, two characters having sex doesn’t mean shit, anymore, okay?

its mostly because of hookup culture imo

so jonathan and nancy have sex, but there’s no confession of feelings or anything, so it just feels like a cheap way to show the audience THEY’RE TOGETHER NOW ARE YOU HAPPY

and then they don’t really interact as much in that context for the rest of the season, so it’s left kind of ambiguous

and i understand that it’s a 9 episode season and this is more of a C plot, but i think i would have rather had a slow burn throughout the 9 episodes [cough] like last season [cough] with a more affectionate moment at the end than just break up, nancy’s free, SEX, done

it’s not a very emotionally gratifying narrative as it is

second nitpick: tbh the final battle of this season felt a little too note for note to the final battle of the first season, and it felt repetitive at times, so i admit i kind of lost interest in the middle of episode 9

i really thought the “watering the story down” to get JusticeForBarb™ was really clever 

and just....joyce. i’ll never get over joyce. i have no complaints, she’s a mom who punches back and she’s tenacious and good hearted and amazing and she raised two amazing boys 

i don’t know i need a nap 

[drinkthehalo]

Supernatural Season 12 - the Mary Winchester storyline

Of all the ridiculous things… I’ve fallen down the Supernatural rabbit hole.

Supernatural is the last fandom I’d have expected to sneak up on me. I stopped watching years ago and had been wishing that someone would put it out of its misery.

But then a few weeks ago, my friend mentioned that Sam and Dean’s mother was on the show as a regular character.  It piqued my curiosity.  A story that’s actually about the Winchester family, not the internal politics of Heaven or whatever random boring nonsense that caused me to stop watching?

So long story short - I was just in Shanghai (for the third time!) and when I wasn’t running around a dark hotel or drinking at a bar, I was waking up at 5am, jetlagged and half drunk, mainlining SPN. (Watching it in bed on my phone! Ha.)

To my complete shock, seasons 11 and 12 are GREAT. It's like the show took stock of everything it was doing wrong, remembered what had once made it awesome, and set about methodically fixing it.

If you are someone who also gave up on the show - watch 11x04 “Baby.” It made me laugh, made me cry, made me literally want to hug my television. It was such a gift to the audience, and a promise to do better. Proof that the show can still be absolutely wonderful when it puts in the effort.

Also, Dean Winchester. He’s one of the best fictional characters I’ve ever seen; he's so fucked up and he's also the most lovable thing ever. His combination of strength, fragility, competence, darkness, sweetness, silliness… His heroism and idealism and fatalism and self-abnegation… His joie de vivre, suicidal impulses, bitterness, weariness, ridiculousness and awkwardness… His badassery and heroism and codependence and tragedy.

Such a complex beautiful mess. Narratively, he is the gift that keeps on giving, the reason the show has lasted twelve years - you can just keep throwing stories at him and you get the most fascinating results.

I will be writing more about SPN. Sorry if you’re just here for the immersive theatre posts!

Here are my thoughts on the Mary Winchester storyline, which I LOVED -

It’s a complex, messy, fascinating story, where nobody is completely right and nobody is completely wrong, and you can sympathize with every character. It brings the show right back to the core of what made it good and interesting.

The three key things I loved about it:

I was pleasantly surprised at how it subverted my expectations

Mary herself was relatable, interesting, complex, and her choices raised intriguing ethical questions

Mary’s presence provided an opportunity to dive into the psychology and issues of Dean (especially) and Sam in a way we haven’t seen before

As soon as I heard that Mary was back, I was simultaneously afraid of the ways it could go wrong, and deeply intrigued by the possibilities it raised.

The most interesting thing the show had going on in its early days was the complexity of the boys’ relationship with their father. The success of Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s career was a tragedy for Supernatural - once he was gone it just never had the same emotional intensity, though they did interesting things with flashbacks and time travel and pseudo-father figures.

But Mary - Mary has that same intense emotional resonance. She was the first character we saw in the Pilot, Dean’s deepest wish (in arguably the best episode of the show, 2x20) and Dean’s Heaven (5x16), the key to Dean’s character.

"I know [my mother] wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave." - Dean from 1x03 - what an amazing through-line to a story still unfolding twelve years later!

But… Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with female characters. The original sin of the show - the reason I’ve always been a bit ambivalent about loving it so much - is how it portrays women as symbols that matter only in relation to men. The Pilot is egregious. Mary and Jess, in their ridiculous frilly white nightgowns, dying as motivation for the men to embark on their quests. In Supernatural, men have journeys. Men are subjects, with destinies, and “work to do.”  Men are multi-dimensional characters. Women are objects (in the early seasons - it’s gotten way better recently). We barely know Mary and Jess as characters, and don’t need to. Their deaths are not even about them; they’re about what they do to Sam and Dean.

Usually when Mary reappears in the show, it’s as a symbol, the embodiment of the ideal of motherhood. The love, safety, and care that Dean longs for. (Sam, interestingly, does not long for Mary the same way, both because he doesn’t remember her and because he had Dean as his mother figure. I have always adored that parallel, that Dean is like Mary and Sam is like John, which so subverts our expectations of how they present their gender roles, tough guy Dean and sensitive Sam.)

So my fear of season twelve was that we’d still see Mary a symbol. And THANK GOD they were smart enough to completely subvert that expectation, and make the story ABOUT the fact that Mary is an individual human being, not an ideal personification of motherhood.

When we meet this version of Mary, her whole world has been taken from her. Her husband is dead, her small children are lost to her. Her friends are thirty years older, or dead. I love how the show handles Mary’s reaction to the ubiquity of smartphones. It’s not a joke about moms being bad at technology. It’s profoundly disconcerting. It’s sad and strange, especially for a person so smart and competent to suddenly be in a world where she lacks foundational knowledge - it’s almost like everyone else speaks another language.  She doesn’t fit.

So she tries to find her way. She’s a fully-realized person, just as conflicted and complex as Sam and Dean, with her own goals, flaws, fears, vulnerabilities. (And THANK GOD she’s tough, not in need of her childrens’ protection.) 

I imagine myself in her position - with these two well-meaning, overwhelming adult children tracking her every move - and I completely understand her need to break away and carve a space for herself. The pressure and weight of their expectation, on top of everything else she’s going through, would be overwhelming.

As with the best writing in Supernatural, Mary makes choices that are not entirely wrong and not entirely right. Her embrace of the British Men of Letters is driven by guilt that her deal with Azazel destroyed her childrens’ lives, and her own need create a purpose for her life in this strange new world, and a sincere belief that it really will make the world a better place. It’s the same kind of complex psychological motivations that would drive Sam or Dean. (I have a whole other post brewing about that storyline, and about the unique and brilliant way that Supernatural’s handles moral ambiguity.)

Mary’s reaction to her adult children was so unexpected, but so right. One of those character-deepening twists that make perfect sense in retrospect.

Mary struggles with Dean, and connects more with Sam. This is what I mean about Supernatural being great at subverting expectations - because we’ve spent the entire series knowing that Dean is the one most shaped by Mary - the one who remembers her, who dreams of her, who longs for her, who can’t even say her name without flinching. And Sam is the one who doesn’t remember her - who tells Dean in the Pilot “If it weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like.”

But it makes perfect sense. Sam, without the weight of a lifetime of expectations, treats Mary as an individual and tries to understand her needs. Dean struggles to see beyond what Mary means to him, and what he needs from her. Dean’s love is overwhelming, and suffocating.

There’s this great line in season twelve - I can’t remember where, but it’s when Sam and Dean are talking about the British Men of Letters, not quite agreeing or disagreeing, and Sam says something like “I know you think [whatever]” and Dean interrupts and says “WE think.” (Sorry, I need to rewatch and dig up the quote.) It’s borderline abusive, and it must be exhausting for Sam, to live with someone so overbearing that you’re not even allowed to have a different opinion.

The whole season deals with Dean’s abandonment complex - going right back to the heart of the Pilot, “I can’t do this alone.” Dean is so afraid of being abandoned that he clutches his loved ones way too closely.  We understand and sympathize because we know where it came from -  the death of his mother at four, the neglect from his father, twelve seasons of everyone he loves dying - but that doesn’t mean he would be easy to live with.

The line that kept running through my head when watching Dean this season is from Marilyn Manson - “When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed.”

Mary’s return is an incredible opportunity for character exploration and character growth for Dean. In many ways Dean is emotionally stuck at the age of four, unable to move on from the loss of his mother. He’s finally forced to recognize that his perceptions from that time were a tiny sliver of the truth, a four year old’s limited view.  Maybe these dreams need to be destroyed. You can’t live your entire adult life longing for the cocoon you were in when you were four. (Or, I mean you can, you’d be Dean Winchester, but it’s not healthy.)

Dean needed his mother’s love AS A FOUR YEAR OLD, and it’s devastating that it was ripped away from him, but for his own sanity he needs to move on. I love that Mary flat out tells him that he’s not a child anymore. He needs to hear it.

The other side of the story is Dean’s perspective, which is incredibly sympathetic. Supernatural does a brilliant job telling a complex story where no one is entirely right or wrong. Dean tries so hard. He knows he’s weird and socially awkward. He doesn’t want to scare Mary away. He wants so desperately for their relationship to work. The scenes of him angsting over what to text her are some of my favorite moments ever in the show. It’s so surreal and yet so truthful.

And I have to admit - as much as I loved Mary NOT functioning as stereotypical mother figure - I also LOVED when she finally found out how tragic the boys’ childhood was. It was completely cathartic for me as an audience member. Those boys went through more than any child should have to bear. Dean is so scarred by it, and he’s this amazing person so full of love and compassion and this beautiful vibrant light that has been twisted by these awful experiences he’s been through, and the audience has been watching him suffer for twelve years, longing for the equivalent of his mom to give him a hug.  (Just look at the bazillions of hurt/comfort fanfics.) The emotional payoff of that validation finally happening from his actual mother is enormous. Intense, and it would be indulgent if it wasn’t so EARNED.

I love that in their big conversation at the end of the season, Dean phrases it as all about what SAM went through.  Of course the entire audience is watching that scene going BUT DEAN. It’s Dean that Mary saves. It’s actually all about him, but he’d never say it.  Brilliant writing.

[wullu]

Signal - A Review

B4 we get down to business and I vomit my feelings, to anybody who chooses to read this and check out Signal, know that the drama does not pull any punches. There’s a fair amount of violence, murder, death, blood etc.

If you are squeamish like me, proceed with caution. :)

Um also, if you are the kind to cry ( like me), every episode is going to leave you in tears. So yeah, look out for that too. And look out for spoilers as well in the review!

Tbh I checked out Signal on a whim. I think I did it because I was on episode 11 & 12 of Tunnel and was annoyed with the direction Tunnel was taking. I had read that Signal some time-travel aspects like Tunnel and since I’m a sucker for time-travel, check it out I did.

And boy oh boy was my interest rewarded.

Signal was gripping from start to finish. The pace never let up, not even once. Sometimes in dramas, a big tragedy happens, and the next few episodes after the tragedy are devoted to some rest and happiness. But that was not the case with Signal. Signal just kept moving. It’s kind of like how it is in real life. You experience hurt and pain, but the world dosen’t stop around you. It keeps going on.

I will not lie, Signal was hard to watch. Many a time, I hit pause because either I was crying too hard or because it was too painful for me to continue. And normally when a drama or show plays me like this, you can bet your butt I would have dropped it like a hot potato. But I kept going back to Signal, episode after episode and steeling myself to watch, simply because it was that good. Despite its violence and blood, nothing about Signal felt senseless or tasteless. Everything felt very matter of fact instead. Signal makes no bones about the fact that it’s a bleak world we live in. You win some, you lose some. And justice cannot be served to everyone. The world is unfair. There are no neat-bow-tied endings for everyone. For instance, I wanted Kim Bum Joo to get his grand compeuppance. But it made for him to die in a gang lynching, like an insignificant person, with no one to see it happen. That ending was satisfying in a way as well. He died as insignificantly as a person could, all his deeds having come back to bite him in the butt.

But despite all of this, it made the little moments count. Like the moment tiny Hae Young thanked Jae Han so profusely for clearing his brother’s name. Or like the time Soo Hyun and Jae Han’s father got to send him off like he deserved. Or the time when all Jae Han and Hae Young wanted was for the other to be safe and happy, screw everything else. For all the terrible things that happened, that truly shook your faith, there were plenty of heart-warming moments as well that made you believe that it would all be okay.

-

Signal had such solid writing, editing and directing. Which was one good thing. The other good thing was the cast. An excellent, solid cast, the kind who can handle the heavy punches the script threw their way. And it was not just the main leads who did a great job. Even all the supporting characters did an amazing job. Heck, even the guest actors knocked it out of the park.

I feel its rare that so many good elements can combine in a drama. Something like all the stars aligning. It is rare, but it does happen.

If I had to pick one performance that moved me, it would have to be Jo Jin Woong as Jae Han. How many times have we all felt like Jae Han? Desperate to do something but bogged down by forces bigger than us. But despite everything, Jae Han preserved and there’s something so tremendously admirable about that.

Jae Han is an ordinary chap like most of us. But it was his determination and spirit more than anything else that elevate him as a hero. Jo Jin Woong made me feel every emotion along with him deeply. When he wept, wept. When he raged, I raged. When he was happy, I was happy.

As Hae Young realises, when everyone else had given up, it was Jae Han who kept going on. Jae Han never gave up. How can you not love someone like that?

I also really enjoyed Kim Hye Soo as Cha Soo Hyun. She did a brilliant job of differentiating herself between two timelines. You can see the exact circumstances that led to her going from a rookie cop to a an experienced and determined detective. And it was deeply touching to see that she too hadn’t given up on Jae Han. He’d been so instrumental in shaping her as the person she currently is, how could she give up on him?

Similarly, Lee Je Hoon as Park Hae Young was amazing. Over time, you can see that he’s no superhero. He’s just as human as all of us. But the one thing that makes him stand out is his tenacity, just like Jae Han’s. And even though he’s never met Jae Han, he comes to know enough of the person he is to deeply admire him and respect him. And from Jae Han he’s learnt one more thing, to never give up. That scene where he realises that Jae Han took care of him from a distance as a little boy broke my heart. It was so bittersweet because Hae Young thought he had been all alone. But in retrospect, there was someone who took care from a distance. So in the end, even when he’s on the verge of death, it makes complete sense all he can focus is helping the one person who looked out for him when no one else did.

Now, shoutouts to the supporting actors who I really liked. Lee Sang Yoeb was a revelation. It was a short role, but his scenes made a lot of impact on me. He did an amazing job of playing a person who’s been warped by years of abuse. You know he’s done horrendous things but when you see his backstory, you can’t help but weep for the boy who could have been.

Oh Yeon-ah was another person who absolutely blew me away. She too played a killer like Lee Sang Yoeb. But while he was a person who became a monster, she was always a monster from the start. Her acting was absolutely spine-chilling. That blank empty gaze, the completely lack of remorse, she did an amazing job of portraying a narcissistic villain. You know how sometimes actors play up villains to be hammy, right? Oh Yeon-ah didn’t have to do anything of that. Instead, she relied on mirco-expressions and a complete lack of emotion to pull it off. She did a great job of being absolutely evil without having to resort to maniacal laughter or crazy eyes. Her dead eyes did the job.

Um, also the cutie who played tiny Hae-young. He did a great job as well. His heart-rending cries for his brother made me cry so many snotty tears. Losing a dear one is never easy. But when that dear one is the sibling/parental figure and only bright spot in your world, the loss must be even worse. The child actor did a great job. Every time he cried, I just wanted to wrap him up in a hug.

This review would not be complete if I did not mention the soundtrack. I have two words for it. Fucking amazing. The soundtrack was simply perfect in every which way, a perfect companion to such an amazing drama. Each song, somber and melancholy in tone, perfectly setting the mood for the show.

In conclusion, 10/10, watch the drama. It will be hard, you will cry, but it will stick with you long after you are done with it. And that is the hallmark of a truly amazing drama.

P.S – And if it’s not your thing, don’t fret. Different strokes for different folks. :)

[canaryatlaw]

So today was fine. I should probably start by explaining that last night I messed up taking my medication because I was allocating them into their correct boxes and then flipped the pill box over to get the rest of the Saturday ones out without closing the Sunday and Monday ones because I'm a fucking idiot, and it caused all the pills to fall into the sink, and in my frantic race to prevent them from all going down the sink I just swallowed the ones in my hand from the Saturday box and then only later did I realize there were still like, 4 Xanax in there. Whoops. So that causes walking up to be a little harder. I did wake up for my 9 am alarm but reset it to just go to the later service for 10:30, then idk what happened from there (I mean, I'm assuming I fell asleep but idk what else happened) but the next thing I know I'm looking at my phone and it's 11:35. Crap. Service that I'm in the nursery for starts in 55 minutes. Good for me, I'm a boss at this kind of thing and was out the door in 20 minutes, make up and all. I ubered to church and made it right around time, which was still late for me because I'm supposed to be there before the service time, but there was only one baby so far so it was fine. It was a slightly chaotic day, not bad but there was a fair amount of crying. We had 5 babies I think, and there was me and the high school girl who helps me a lot, and then the mom of one of the little boys stayed because her son won't stop crying if she leaves (and we've tried many times) and we've discussed just trying to get her to join the team if she's gonna be here anyway haha and she's mentioned a few times she likes playing with the little girls because she has 3 boys, so I think she could be helpful. The first baby, the little guy I've been taking care of for a while now, was in a bit of a mood today and was kind of on and off crying, so I had him for a while, then he got passed around and he would be good for some amount of time then get set off again, but oh well. Then there was the little chunker who's just the cutest, and is just on the brink of walking, so he's pulling himself up on everything possible (like EVERYTHING) then mostly just stands there, but we got him to take a step or two haha and he can't go much farther than that without losing his balance but he can walk with a little assistance and he's getting there. Then there was the sweet little girl who's been around a lot lately and the high schooler mostly took care of her so I didn't get much interaction with her. Then there was the daughter of one of the ladies on the team who I've talked about before because she's just so darn cute, and she's developed a bit of a pattern where she won't cry upon getting dropped off and will be totally fine for a while, then start crying out of nowhere in the middle of the service and be completely inconsolable. Well, it happened again, but there was more like 20 minutes left in the service so I didn't want to call her parents if it was almost over anyway. So I held her and walked with her and bounced her and we were getting a little success at the end there, she was going in and out of it but I was still grateful when her parents showed up. She's a sweetie pie though, and she's just so cute. If you're keeping track, the 5th baby was the mom's little boy who I didn't interact with much but he's sweet. So pretty much right after the service we had to pack everything up because we were permanently moving out of the space today, since next week is gonna be our service weekend and we won't be having any services, then in June we can be back in our building (huzzah!). I am kind of upset with myself for missing the service though because now it means I'm gonna go 4 weeks without one, since next week we won't get one and then I'll be in NY for the next 3 Sundays. But I mean, there's only so much I can do, especially when there are very real factors like medications at play here. The little chunker baby's parents didn't show up for a while because they were helping elsewhere, so he was just kind of sitting in the corner watching everyone pack away all the toys and the mats and everything haha he was very calm, it was cute. It didn't take too long though, and then everything was loaded in the truck. I'll be glad to be back in our regular space. It wasn't terrible, but being separated from the actual service was just one more hurdle to deal with when it came to contacting parents and we did have several incidents where that became an issue, so it'll be nice to just not have to deal with that anymore. But yeah, we finished up and I headed home, train to bus. I changed and had something to eat, then chilled out for a while trying to figure out if I wanted to make a meal of some sort that I can use as leftovers throughout the week. I know I've said this before but I've been having trouble getting myself to eat meat for some inexplicable reason (like I really have no idea why) and I don't want to force myself of course and I'm not a big veggie person so that kind of limits my options. I don't want to fall into just eating frozen or semi-packaged stuff either though. Idk, I just decided to play it by ear for now. It's not even like, all meat though, it's just when presented with it in certain contexts. For dinner I had a frozen meal made by one of the "healthy" companies and it was like pork in a cherry port sauce with like real cherries and holy crap, it was actually really good. So idk what's going on there, at all. But anyway. I decided I still wanted to bake something and I had wanted to do vanilla pudding again, but I couldn't find the recipe I used last time that didn't use half and half or heavy cream, just milk, and I didn't want to waste too much milk, so I ended up using this random recipe that used ramekins in a shallow pot of boiling water with the lid on to "steam" it which took a little finagling to work correctly but it did end up working, and then after they were chilled I made the "caramel sauce" (the quotes are because it wasn't actual caramel, just sugar water caramelized) and it was really good! The ingredients were very similar to creme brulee, except this just used milk instead of heavy cream, so it wasn't as rich and there was a stronger eggy flavor but it was still really good, so I enjoyed that. Somewhere down the line I turned on the tv and watched the last 3 released episodes of the Handmaid's tale while on my laptop. I didn't realize at first that Hulu was gonna have them coming out on a weekly basis and not just dropping a season at a time like Netflix does, so I'm caught up for now and have to wait for the rest of it. There were a number of interesting things in the latter 3 episodes. I was somewhat taken with how they hold the Handmaids up to be this precious resource, blessed by God for their fertility, but they are very quick to abuse and torture them if they don't fall in line at the first command. I've given a good amount of thought to the passage in the bible they seem to base the whole concept on which I was already familiar with, but it's interesting because they only ever quote a short section of the passage, just that Rachel couldn't have children so she told Jacob to have sex with her maidservant so she could have children through her. And that happened. But they're leaving out that Jacob had another wife whom did have children, and he also had sex with her maidservant to bear more children. Furthermore, later in scripture I believe the wording is God "opened [Rachel's] womb" and she had two children, Benjamin and Joseph. Joseph is of course of technicolor dreamboat fame (and you know, the whole huge bible story attached to that), a large part of which was how he was his father's favorite, because he was Rachel's son, whom Jacob actually loved (Leah and the maidservant, not so much). It's interesting then that the legacy of the Jewish people only survives through Judah, who was Leah's son- the other 11 tribes, 11/12ths of the Jewish people were assimilated into other nationalities. Every modern day Jewish person has heritage through Judah. Idk if there's any real relevance there, I just find it interesting that they have this whole idea and society supposedly based around scripture but it's SO taken out of context it gets to the point where it's absurd. So that's just my feelings on the matter. I was hardcore cheering when Alexis Bledel's character (I don't like using their stupid names) jumped into the car and made a run for it, just because it was so amazing of her and I fully supported it. I was also cheering on our main character when she was honest with the Mexican ambassador at the end of the episode, even knowing that at any moment someone could walk in and hear her saying those things. That took courage. I thought the stuff between her and Nick was interesting, especially the "arranged" tryst, which made me wonder if that's how it was with Jacob and his wives' maidservants. Finally, I was super intrigued by the flashbacks involving the commander and his wife, and just what their lives were like before this. I was kind of shocked to learn the wife was somewhat of a feminist writer who'd actually been arrested for inciting a riot, but they had both bought into this rebellion plot for reasons they don't really go into, and at first it looks like women will be fine under it, but then they're slowly (or not so slowly) edged out, and she has no choice but to play the complacent and steadfast wife to her husband who is now a very important person. It also makes me wonder about the demographic breakdown of their society, lol, like how many people exactly do we have in each caste of society here? How many commanders are there? Do any of them have wives that were actually fertile? Was it any fertile woman who wasn't married to a commander that was taken to be a handmaid? I JUST HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, lol. But yeah, despite its tendency to be downright harrowing and rather concerning at times, I suppose I am enjoying it on some level, though that's probably not the proper word for it because it isn't really something enjoyable. It's entertaining, I suppose, would be a better statement. But yeah. After I finished that I ended up watching an hour of Seinfeld, just because it was on and that show is hilarious. And that was pretty much it. I'm gonna try to get to work early so I have a little more time to prep for the permanency hearing I have at 10. I feel bad because I was gonna go through the rest of the file on Friday but then I didn't go to work, so I don't want to screw this up but I gotta catch up on what the actual latest happenings in the case are, because I know the history from when the girl was like 13, but she's pushing 21 now so that's different. And I need to talk to the lawyer about my question template as far as how much I need to ask that I already know the answer to just for the sake of getting it on the record. It should be fine though, I'm not that concerned. Hopefully that will go well. It'll be my first appearance in front of this judge, but I mean it's a permanency hearing for a kid who's almost out of the system, so it's not really a big deal. Okay, it's late and I need to get to sleep. Goodnight my loves. Sleep well.

[ruggercayden]

Reaction Fic to Ep. 81

So, while this episode was lighthearted, there were also some dark moments. I wanted to credit anyone who wrote reactions to the events that are talked about in this story because reading them helped inspire me to write this. So, thank you. Warnings are below the cut.

Warnings: Drug abuse, shouting, arguing, blaming, breakdowns. I have no experience with hard drug abuse nor the complete mechanism of addition (I know about it from a medical standpoint but that’s it.)

Vox Machina finds out about Scanlan’s…problem.

It was a few days after they confronted Raishan. While there was some trepidation of their plan to wait, in the long run it worked out for the better. They managed to come back with relatively few injuries and another thing crossed off their list of things they need to accomplish.

Vax was walking up to his bedroom to start getting ready for bed. Along the way, he passed by Scanlan’s room. His gut, the common sense that he was taught to listen to when he was younger, caused him to slow down and stare at the closed door to his room. Having the time to think about his immediate reaction to Scanlan, and the fact that the bard hadn’t really been around him much in the past day or so, made him walk up to the door and give it a gentle knock. There was no answer, so Vax assumed he was busy and made to walk away. After a few steps, he paused, unable to shake the growing feeling of dread in his gut. He walked back to the closed door and knocked again, louder this time and called “Scan-man, you ok in there?”

He then pressed his ear against the door, but heard no sound indicating that someone was coming. Making a decision, he grabbed the doorknob and turned it, calling out, “Scanlan, I’m worried about you, I’m coming in.”

Opening the door, Vax took in the sight of the room and paled in shock. Clothes were everywhere, plates of food and drink were scattered around the room, armor and other gear mixed in, like Scanlan hadn’t bothered to clean up. But what terrified Vax was the figure laying face-down on the bed, not moving. Shaking out of his shock, he dashed to the bed and grabbed the figure turning the now familiar body of his friend over onto his back. Scanlan’s eyes were closed and it was hard to tell if he was breathing. Vax quickly jabbed his left hand into the gnome’s neck while his right reached up to his earring yelling, “JENGA, HELP EMERGENCY IN SCANLAN’S ROOM. BRING PIKE PLEASE, PLEASE HELP, PLEASE HURRY!” Through his calling, he managed to feel a faint pulse in Scanlan’s neck and if he looked closely, he could see the faint rise and fall of Scanlan’s chest as he breathed. Thanking Sarenrae and the Raven Queen, he quickly shifted around on the bed until he found that thrice damn flute, filled with the remnants of whatever Scanlan had taken. By this time, the rest of Vox Machina had crashed into the doorway and saw Vax with Scanlan’s head on his lap and the flute raised in his left hand. Pike let out a soft cry, which was enough to jerk everyone out of shock. Pike reached Scanlan and immediately started to cast Greater Restoration on him. When the spell was finished, Scanlan started to stir in Vax’s lap and opened his eyes to meet the half-elf’s. As soon as his brain caught up with his body, he immediately jerked out of Vax’s lap to a standing position at the foot of the bed and his eyes grew hard and cold.

“What are you doing in my room Vax’ildan?” he asked, his voice the coldest and most devoid of emotion that anyone had ever heard. Vax stood up from the bed, dropping the flute on the covers in shock at the coldness radiating from his friend, and softly replied, “I just felt something was wrong so I came in to check on you.”

Scanlan flinched at the sound of Vax’s voice. “Why do you care? Why do any of you care?” he turns to look at the rest of Vox Machina standing in the doorway. “I’m just a dude with cool magic shit,” he says quietly as his eyes lower to the floor. Vex’s soft gasp fills the room and immediately she starts to say something. “Scanlan, I didn’t…” She gets no further before Scanlan shouts out, “What? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t ‘mean it like that’?”, he drawls out mockingly. “What would you expect me to believe? That you guys cared about me. How about when NOBODY ASKED ME HOW I WAS DOING AFTER I DIED?” Scanlan’s voice starts raising into a shout, “HOW ABOUT WHEN THE FIRST TIME ANYONE TALKED TO ME, I WAS BEING HOISTED IN THE AIR AND THROWN DOWN WITHOUT AN APOLOGY? HOW ABOUT WHEN I SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO NOT BE RESURRECTED BUT WAS ANYWAY?” Tears started rolling down his cheeks and his voice going softer, “How about when I made one promise to my daughter and I couldn’t even do that right? How about me being a failure, both as a father and as a member of this family?”

He dropped to his knees and started sobbing, choking out words through the sobs. “Suude allows me to forget how much I failed all of you and Kaylie. It allows me to live on top of the world, even if only for a little while. It helps me not relive the memories of dying over and over. It helps me forget that my family doesn’t care about me.” Scanlan then put his face in his hands and sobbed.

For about thirty seconds, the only sound in the room was Scanlan’s sobbing. Suddenly, soft foot-falls were heard. Scanlan’s head shot up to see a tearful Pike coming over to him slowly, hands up and palms out. She kneels down next to him but doesn’t touch him, her eyes watching him. Slowly, she starts to murmur to him, “Scanlan, you are right. We have been horribly inconsiderate of you and using you. We should have asked how you were doing after the first Raishan fight. We should have talked to you, I should have talked to you.” Tears start pouring harder down her face but her voice remains steady. “I know you didn’t want to be resurrected but...I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lose you like that. Not when I could do something about it. I am sorry.”

Scanlan looks into her eyes and simply says in a hollow, broken voice, “I don’t know how to deal with everything right now. I didn’t want the guilt of knowing I broke my promise.”

Percy, who has been quietly observing the whole time, suddenly comes forward and kneels behind Pike, Scanlan’s eyes following him the whole time. “Scanlan, yes technically you broke your promise,” at that Scanlan looks away from him and lets out a sob as Percy continues, “but you didn’t mean to. You did everything in your power to try to stay alive, and you are alive now. Yes, dying is not pleasant, it’s not fun, it’s not easy; but you have a second chance. Do you really want to spend your second chance ruminating on your failures, or attempting to right them?”

Scanlan looks Percy in the eyes and faintly says, “But how can I forget that I failed? How can I forget that my family doesn’t care about me, doesn’t think that I am valuable as a member? I’ve been there for all of you, and yet when I needed someone, or when I had legitimate concerns, all I got was rough-housed, yelled at, and laughed at?”

At those words, Vex comes forward swiftly and words start tumbling out of her mouth mixing with sobs, “I didn’t mean it that way at all. I swear, I was just kidding around with you and when you answered back I thought you were still joking. Scanlan, you are an amazing man, with a good heart. You protect us every time we need it, you are always there for us. Your humor and ability to keep us going even in the darkest of times is everything that keeps us together. You aren’t just dude with cool magic, although you do have cool magic,” at that comment, small smiles form on the faces of everyone. Even Scanlan has a twitch of the lips that would’ve been a grin had he been in a better place. “Scanlan, you are a member of our family, and I am so sorry.”

Scanlan looks over to Grog and Keyleth standing in the doorway and at Vax who hasn’t said a word nor moved from his spot in the corner of the room, where he ended up after Pike came over. Keyleth is looking at him with tears in her eyes, and he can tell that her, Pike, and Vex are fighting the urge to hug him. He appreciates them resisting that urge as his eyes rove over to Vax. Vax was looking everywhere except for him, until he felt Scanlan’s eyes on him. As Vax turned his head to meet his eyes, Scanlan saw remorse and guilt playing in the orbs. As soon as their eyes met, Vax lowered his body down the wall until he was sitting with his legs bent in front of him and started slowly softly speaking. “That day in Thordak’s lair, I was riding high on adrenaline and exhaustion. I know its no excuse, but it was there. I had just watched you die, and be brought back to life by Pike. I was scared, confused, and just wasn’t thinking. Seeing you, lying there on the floor, after something of your doing, my protective mode kicked in. I know I didn’t handle it correctly. I knew after I walked away. But I didn’t know how to apologize. I didn’t know how to approach you to talk. I thought that my note said what I thought needed to be said, but I should have looked after you, approached you, talked with you. I know this probably doesn’t mean much but I am so sorry Scanlan. I am so sorry.”

Scanlan watched as Vax’s head got lower and his knees drew into his chest. Scanlan could hear it in his, and in everyone else’s, voices that they were sincere. They do care about him, and they didn’t mean to hurt him. He sighed softly, “I know you all are sincere in your apologies, but that doesn’t stop the hurt I felt, that I have been feeling for the past few days.”

He felt everyone’s head lower and tears fall harder on the faces of Pike, Vax, and Vex especially. He looked around the room at the ragtag group that he had grown to love and realized that maybe he did matter...just maybe he did. Sighing, and ignoring the headache that was starting because of the mixture of his breakdown and the lack of suude in his system, he set his jaw and gently reached his hand out to touch Pike’s shoulder. Pike’s head shot up at the touch and met his eyes. “Maybe, maybe we can work on healing together. All of us.” Pike’s eyes widened and she gently reached out her hands to pull him into a hug. He stiffly went into her arms, head resting on her shoulder. With his hands, he gently pulled on the clothes of Vex and Percy and their arms slowly and gently wrapped around him. Looking up at Grog and Keyleth, he gave them a slight nod. Within seconds they were at his other side, kneeled on the ground, arms wrapped around him and the others. Lastly, he looked at Vax in the corner, making no move towards the group. Sighing loudly, Scanlan called, “Vax.” Vax looked up, meeting his eyes. Scanlan gave a small head tilt, one that clearly meant, “Get your ass over here.” Vax looked down, hesitating slightly. Clearing his throat so Vax met his eyes once again, Scanlan said tenderly, “Vax get over here.”

With that Vax slowly walked over to the group and wrapped his arms around who he could reach. After a few minutes, the group, feeling Scanlan’s discomfort, started to pull apart and sit on the floor around him, close but not crowding. Scanlan looked at each of them in the eye and said, “It will take me a while to forgive all of you. Some longer than others,” looking here specifically at Pike, Vex, and Vax, “ but I think I can forgive all of you. I do still love all of you; not particularly fond of y’all right now, but still love all of you.” Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself for the next part of the statement he had to say, “But if you ever hurt me like that again, I don’t know if I can give a third chance.”

All of them solemnly nodded. They knew that they had gotten lucky that they got a second chance with their Scan-man, and nobody wanted to risk finding out if he would make good on that threat. Letting out a sigh, Scanlan rubbed his temples trying to ward off the headache, “I am also going to need help getting out of this pit I dug myself in…I am not sure how well this is going to work.”

Keyleth, who had been very quiet until now, spoke up saying, “Of course we will help you. Whatever you need us to do.” The others nodded, murmuring their agreement. Scanlan looked at each of them in turn and replied, “Ok then. I think it’s time I try to sleep then.” As he said that, his eyes spotted the flute turned pipe sitting on his bed. Sighing for what felt like the millionth time in the past few hours, he picked it up, the remnants of his last hit still in it. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, waiting, knowing that if he really was going to do this, if he really was going to give them a second chance and try to turn his life around again, he would have to give them the flute of his own accord. Scanlan looked around at his family, meeting each of their eyes, and delicately, but decisively handed the flute to Percy. Percy took it from his hands, and stowed it in a pocket of his coat. Collectively letting out a breath they didn’t know they were holding, they each gave Scanlan a nod and small smile. He gave them a smile back and made to crawl into bed. He noticed out of the corner of his eye, Vex, Grog and Pike share a look with the rest of them and then dart out of the room. He raised his eyebrow at the three left, each of them shaking their head. Rolling his eyes, he crawled into bed, wrinkling his nose at the smell in his sheets as the other three came back into the room. In their arms, he saw pillows and blankets that they must have grabbed from all of their rooms. His eyebrows raised for a second time as everyone started to make pallets on the floor of his room. “What are you all doing?”

Vax raised his eyebrow back, asking, “Do you really think we will leave you alone after everything that happened today?”

Scanlan rolled his eyes for the second time in as many minutes and gave them a shrug as if to say “suit yourself”. As he turned into his blankets, he couldn’t help the small smile that came over his face. For the first time since the Thordak battle, he felt the love radiating off his family for him. As soft and loud snores started to come from the floor, from Pike and Grog respectively, and the noises of everyone else shifting to get comfortable faded, he knew that that this was a new chapter, a new beginning, and more importantly, a new chance to make himself a better man. It wouldn’t be an easy road, but he knew now he had the support he needed from his family.