#but hes deceiving puss

[juniemunie]

Read "I Do Not Fear Death" and its so so so good so I drew smth

“Tell me, what is the real reason you’re tagging along with me, anyway?” He asked, getting straight to the point. “Because obviously you would be able to get up to all kinds of epic adventures without the need for any of my help.” He logiced. “Or anyone else’s for that matter.”

“Have you ever had someone run from you in fear before you even opened your mouth?” Lobo asked, eyes glancing over to Puss.

“Of course I have!” The hero scoffed. “My mere name strikes fear into evil do-ers from far and wide!” He proclaimed with a thump to his chest.

“Well what if that happened with everyone you ever met?” The oddly somber wolf said, resting his chin on his fist as his gaze slid off to the side once again, seeming distant.

Puss sobered up at that.

“Whenever I approach someone their first instinct is to get away, their eyes filling to the brim with fright before I’ve even spoken, making a break for it the second I draw near.” Lobo explained. “There's usually screaming involved as well.” He added, almost as in afterthought. “It’s always been that way."

-...-...-...-

Bonus reveal for those who havent read the fic:

Yea,,,, its so funny watching Death bullshit his way around rkkfkdkf

And another moment i wanted to draw

Death's lying ranges from cringe to pretty smooth, but then again this is Puss we're talking about-

Theyre both idiots your honor

I love this fic so much it makes me cackle like a witch, please read it when you find the time!

[adarkrainbow]

This might sound stupid, but what are the characteristics of fairytale ogres, particularly how Charles Perrault describes them?

There is no stupid question on this blog! (Except if someone really pisses me off, then all their questions will be stupid)

It is quite easy to answer this because we only have three ogres in all of Perrault's fairytales, so identifying the main traits is fast. They come from "Puss in Boots", "Little Thumbling" and "Sleeping Beauty". I'll recap shortly.

Eat humans. That's the main trait of an ogre. They eat human flesh, though they don't eat all the humans they see on the spot, mind you. Ogres prefer the flesh when it is young, tender, fresh and pretty. So they prefer pretty young people (Sleeping Beauty) to ugly old ones (that's what spares the ogre's wife, her age, she is too old to be edible). And this is why they go crazy over children, which for them is the most delicious meat. Literaly: the ogres are repeatedly said to be literaly jumping on children as soon as they see them, and to always want to eat them on the spot. (Another ogre trait: they are not very patient beings, and they have a hard time waiting)

Even outside of eating humans, they tend to be food-obsessed people - ranging from Little Thumbling's ogre who eats enormous quantities of food (entire animals to himself), to the ogress-queen who insists on having the most fashionable and delicious sauces with her meals.

Ogres are wealthy, and powerful in a social or political way. People tend to forget this, but the ogres of Perrault range from a literal queen (who was married by the king because of her immense wealth) to a lord who owns so many lands even the king is amazed. We don't know the social class of Little Thumbling's ogre, but he still lives in a large mansion and owns a huge treasure. Insert your joke of "the rich eat the poor" (except ogres also eat the rich - see the Sleeping Beauty case)

Ogres have something magical to them, ranging from owning magical items (Little Thumbling's seven-league-boots) to having actual magical powers (Puss in Boots' ogre is a shapeshifter)

Ogres are wicked and bad people who collect all sorts of vices, but they are all painted as brutal bullies, and as cruel beings who delight in scaring people or making them suffer. Oh yes, and if you cross an ogre, they will hunt you down mercilessly to enact their revenge, because ogres are very vengeful (see the ogre's hunt for Little Thumbling and his brothers, or the ogress' decision to have everybody executed for deceiving her)

When ogres have a family, they have a... very bizarre and complicated set of relationships mixing fear and love and abuse and familial respect. On one side, we have an ogre who is an abusive husband (and yet told to be a good husband enough that his wife loves him very much), and adores his daughters (he only eats them by accident) ; on the other, an ogress who lives peacefully with her husband, who refuses to harm or upset her son (son who both loves her a lot and still fears her), but who wishes to kill on the spot her daughter-in-law and grandkids... Oh and they are known to apparently regularly invite over friends to share their meals (at least if they don't end up devouring the planned meal before the guests arrive)

Are ogres giants? In Perrault's fairytales, no. Everybody knows of Gustave Doré's famous illustrations depicting ogres as giants, but this comes from A) other authors depicting ogres as giants and B) oral/popular/folkloric fairytales and legends mixing ogres and giants. So by the time Gustave Doré illustrated the fairytales, ogres were thought of as giants - but Perrault never writes anything about them being giants, and in the first illustrations of his fairytales they are depicted human-sized. At most he implies that the ogres are big/large/tall/heavy beings, but no different from a big, tall man.

Unlike the modern idea that ogres are inhuman monsters - in Perrault's fairytales, everything indicates that ogres look a lot like humans, and are very close to them. They are inserted in the human society as kings and queens (unlike fairies for example who are "outside" elements), they can crossbreed with humans (and if Sleeping Beauty is any clue, half-ogres looks so much like humans you can't tell they're ogres), and in the case of the ogress-queen, only her intimates know about her ogress nature - the rest is just unconfirmed rumors running around the court. (And Gustave Doré had caught on this, which is why he had his ogres looking like almost regular people). Perrault himself defines ogres in his notes as "wild men/savage men".

The only physical traits Perrault indicates about ogres (beside them having booming voices, and possibly being quite large and big people), are facial traits. They all come from the little ogresses' descriptions in Little Thumbling. Three of them are said to make ogresses "ugly" by 17th century standard - a hooked nose, round grey eyes, and a very large mouth filled with long, spaced-out sharp teeth. A fourth however is said to make them pretty by those same standards - because their diet of meat and flesh gives them a "pretty skin tone/beautiful colors/a healthy skin color".

If the same Little Thumbling fairytale is to be believed, ogre-children start their cannibalistic diets by sucking up the blood of little children. Then they presumably move to eating the children - but in their early years they just bite like vampires.

Oh yes and how could I forget. THE other main defining trait with their gluttonous cannibalism: their sense of smell. Ogres can smell "fresh meat" (la chair fraîche is the consecrated French expression). It is how the ogre of Little Thumbling guesses there are children hiding in his house, he smells them, and the ogress-queen is also said to go randomly go in the courtyard to sniff out animals like a wild beast.

I think these are pretty much the big defining traits of ogres in Perrault's fairytales. Of course, I simplified stuff, but this is the core knowledge to have about what ogres ~ Perrault style ~ are.

[factual-fantasy]

27 asks! Thank you for all the kind words! :}}}💙💙💙

@network-warrior-01

Funnily enough I have been thinking a lot recently about making my own web comic, right here on Tumblr! I have a lot of concepts, although I don't know if I'd make a separate comic just for the Factual Fam. I feel like they kind'a already have a web comic..? In a way.?

And I feel like if I made a story driven comic about us, separate from the ones I'm already making.. It would feel.. idk, off? My lil guys are meant to be with me, going with the flow of whatever's going on with my blog/my life. This is their story. Their lives with me are their story. If that makes sense?? I'm not sure if I have any other ideas in mind for them.. what would their world even look like if I wasn't in it or if it was different from what they have now..??

But on the other note, could you imagine? Me? Making a 100% original comic? With my own original characters, story, and world? Its a daunting thought. The sheer amount of stuff I would have to plan and the amount of angst I could inflict on ya'll would be insane <XDD

And yeahh,, the fanart thing would be a problem... <:/

The four of them sit together at the base of my stuffed animal pile. Nice and cozy! :}}

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

Actually the quilts are rather deceiving, they're just for show! <XD Bibi was conscious and could talk when he was still a picture. And he became a drawing without the use of a quilt. Jangles had a quilt but was still a picture. He was later "brought to life" with my pen!

The thing about all that life stuff, quilts, pens.. its honestly just for show. Those things don't bring them to life, I do. The flashy ways I do it are just for fun <XD

And about Cici! She was talking! And I think kind'a the idea as to why Jangles could hear them both was not only for the spooks. But becuase Cici and Gerald's concepts were so strongly developed at that point they were basically fully fleshed out characters. Their bodies just didn't exist yet. Hence the "I cant see" I hadn't stitched her button eyes on yet!

So basically their personalities and designs had been thought out. They just weren't there yet. But their presence was still so strong.. And Jangles being a picture kind'a bridged the gap between the concept world and the drawn one. If that makes sense??

He could still hear them after he was drawn though, I guess its an ability that he kept even after being art-ified..? <XD My lore's a little whack- its best not to look too far into it!

Also thank you! I'm glad you liked it all! :DD

Like I've said before, the best way to show you care is with comments. That's what would make me the happiest. :)

And sure I will! Some comics and random cameos here and there.. I already have some comics in mind.. 👀👀

I haven't seen the Puss in boots movie, but something tells me you're right XD

Hmm.. I don't actually know.. That's a good question :0

I guess they would react the same if us humans found a group of people like that. And what would humans do? Probably report it to someone?? <XD

@minophlia

XDD Thank you! I'm so glad you like me and what I make!! :DDD

Giant scary abstracted monsters that attack anything in the vicinity?? Nope nope nope!! Jevil would FREAK OUT and Immediately warp them out of there with a mirror. Cant risk anyone getting hurt!

That's not a half bad idea! :0 I'll see if I can remember to get around to it <XD

Also thank you so much!! :DD

All I know of punch out is from smash bros. And I got beef with Little Mac. Anytime anyone plays as him they always kick my butt XDD

I imagine Jevil wouldn't tolerate it much. If Jax was being a butt towards Jevil that's one thing. But as soon as he starts to direct that to anyone else in the group- especially Seam.. Then there's gonna be a problem. :x

Seam would be annoyed. But its likely the same as Jevil. He doesn't really care about his antics, but as soon as its directed at Jevil or someone else.. well then there's a problem-

@abaroo

Thank you so much!! :DD And of course I held his widdle hand! He needed the emotional support! He was making the biggest decision he's ever made in his life- <XD

And you're welcome! <XD I'm so glad you liked it! :}}

No no no no that is the wrong habitat for me!

I need to be put in a cardboard box with all the flaps open except for 1. There needs to be a grassy/muddy floor and a bowl of water.

Then put this box out in your backyard in the pouring rain. Don't give me anything to warm myself, and only feed me refrigerated watermelon. Now THAT'S what I call a comfy habitat!

@multiverse-city

Thank you so much! :DD I appreciate the compliments!! :}}

Although I'm sorry to say that I don't want me and my critters to show up as background characters.. <:( Sorry!

He probably has a couple of times yeah. Maybe right after big events or shows he got pushed over the edge and crashed.. :(

He might..? But I think Freddy would want to give Bonnie space.. Becuase when Bonnie is overwhelmed, that's what he wants. Is silence and space. And when Freddy is around Bonnie he would try to be really quiet and not move around too much..

So many siblings...

My only thought is that my version of the Daycare Attendant would better fit the role of Kaufmo. :0 The idea that he suddenly disappears, only to reemerge as a monster..

That, and I would shoe horn a bunch of unnecessary angst in there XDD

:DD Thank you so much!! :}}}

WAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! Its so nice to hear that even though you knew nothing about the characters, you still loved my comic!! :DD And thinking my critters have depth?? And feel human?? WAAA THANK YOUUU!!! I try to give them all separate personality's and really put some emotion into them, I'm so glad you've noticed! It seems to be working! :DD

And again a thousand thank you's for the compliments to my sona! :DD The bloodied hands and dripping face getting worse and worse as the comic progresses to show my exhaustion,, even the comically placed hands! I put a lot of heart into all of it and I'm so happy that you've noticed!!

Thank you for all the kind words! Sending platonic love right back at ya!! :DDD 💙💙💙

@anartistwhowrites

THANK YOU!! :DDD

<XD Noooo don't cry! Thank you though, I'm glad you liked it! :))

@beryl-shade

One word; Horrified.

Aww, I'm sorry it made you cry! <:(( But I'm glad you liked it none the less! <:}}}

@badlyblurry

Darn <XD I had it match my Tumblr's theme.

@crimson-thinker

My main thing is it just feels like they "stole" what I made and drew it without asking me. And then turned around and gave it to me as a gift. Which obviously isn't what fanart actually is. But that's just how it feels.

But hey, your ask has many more reasons for me to not like fanart <XDD

The idea I had was they can use Power-Ups purely becuase they're human. Like, something about just being human gives you access to the power the Power-Ups have. .

Do you have a different idea though? I'd love to hear it! :)

[kalixora]

“I’m death. Straight up.”

Gaz x reader (Kinda🦭)

. Uhhh surprise?

INSPIRATION: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

I watched the movie again...

Codename: Death

“Task 141. The dangerous ones without guns, a secret force that hides in the shadows and takes down enemies far and wide… and yet here we are, like a cat on its last life.”

Price narrowed his gaze, taking in your presence was one thing. But speaking with you directly was a different matter entirely; it was like being in the presence of death itself.

And what you were / are Death. When it was to your advantage, you were cold, cruel, brutal, and at times empathetic. You were frequently kept under close observation since you had a reputation for making a statement, but that didn't deter you.

"Do you find this amusing?" Price inquired sternly.

“Very,” you mused.

“Why’s that?”

“Because, your standing in here with me alone with no backup.”

Price hummed, crossing his arms, a powerful bodily movement he knew wouldn't bother you, but he needed to get control of the situation. You were both aware that you had the overwhelming advantage, as you always did. This was body language to catch your attention, and you enjoyed a good test.

"Captain, why are you here?" You chuckled. "I can't imagine the strings you pulled to stand in a room with me; are you sure you don't want to smoke one of those cigars?"

“No,” Price leaned to the side and took out a little piece of paper and a pen. He set it on the table and slid it halfway to you. You took the paper and read it as you looked at him, mystified. Your sneer, on the other hand, never wavered. As you tap the pen against the table, a small chuckle escapes your lips.

“What’s this a permission slip?”

“You could say that, yes.”

You hummed as you leaned back in your chair, your gaze scanning the Captain's face, which was solemn. Without a doubt, serious.

"I'm flattered, believe me, but why me? You have Ghost don't you? Say how is Simon doing? Is he behaving himself? And how is Kyle? Still attractive?"

Price nods, “They’re fine.”

“Mmmm, so what’s the problem captain? Tired of your life flashing before your eyes?”

“Then I wouldn’t be good at my job, so here’s the deal- I want you to join my task force, your a powerhouse and from I’ve gathered a lone wolf, even lone wolves stray from packs yeah?”

“Correct.”

“I think it’s time we put that line wolf back with a pack, what do ya say?”

You began to snicker, “That was a cheesy analogy Price but, not to shabby, let me explain something to you, a wolf who distances themselves from the world is called a traitor but one who stays is called a deceiver.”

“That so? There’s a fine line between right and wrong, if the wolf becomes a deceiver and a traitor what do you make of the pack…”

“They meet death.”

“I see… so then do we all know death?”

“Only when it comes to you,” you say with the tilt of your head. “Even the strongest of us Captain will always live a life of fear.”

Price stood up and walked out of the room, where Kate stood on the other side. Price let out a rough sigh and shook his head, one more minute with you in there and it was a wrap. He lost.

“Well,” Kate hummed, “what they say?”

“Bloody bastard didn’t give an answer…”

“I told you.”

“I know…”

“They’ll come.”

Price turned to Laswell his expression was unreadable but she could tell he was irritated. “What makes you so sure?”

“Known Death for a long time, shows up when your in distress… don’t worry to much captain, they’ll show.”

…

The mission has gone to complete shit, Price didn’t know if this was a set up from the get go. Gaz had gone missing and Soap managed to tackle someone out the window and got shot at the same time. Ghost tried to contact Gaz for at least thirty minutes now but the only thing he got back was static. Price searched high and low but each trail of blood he followed they all lead to different bodies, but never Gaz.

Soap: Price how copy?

Price: Copy, report?

Soap: No sign of Gaz, just different bodies

Ghost: He may be unconscious somewhere

Price: That means we have a chance, cover more ground under.

Soap leaned against the wall getting ready to shoot the target unaware of everything about to unfold. He found Gaz the second Price said those words, Gaz was unconscious like Ghost said but, he wasn’t alone.

There was someone else nearby, and they were whistling?

Soap cringed slightly at the tone of the whistle it sounded creepy and off putting yet fascinating. The whistle came closer as Soap peered around the corner seeing the person standing directly over Gaz, Soap placed his finger in the trigger of his gun aiming at them.

“Relax comrade.”

Soap stepped out of his corner fully seeing that you had a blade directly in front of Gaz’s face inches away from inserting it.

“Excuse you?”

“I’m one of you,” you chuckle before standing up fully, you held eye contact with Soap as you got closer to him, “Go on, pick him up.”

Soap stared at you unsure, he wanted to call Price or Ghost, you stood on the side of him now glaring at him. “Pick. Him. Up.”

Soap kept an eye on you while moving quickly towards Gaz, he checked his pulse then began to lift him up placing his arm over his shoulder before turning back to you. You were gone. Without a sound.

Soap managed his way with Gaz and finally reaching it to the others and setting course for base. Soap didn’t say anything the whole ride over, his mind was racing of the thoughts of you, who were you? What were you? What did you mean one of them?

Once landed they all made way to see Laswell, where she stood outside her door waiting for them with a file in her hand. “How’s he doing?”

“Alright, doctor says he should be awake within the next hour or so,” Price answered he tone sounding relieved.

“Something the matter Johnny?” Ghost asked as the two began to head over to see Gaz in the infirmary.

“I don’t know how to explain it, it was so- bloody weird,” Soap says through his confusion. “Did Price mention having a new recruit?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Ghost hummed.

Ghost opened the door to the infirmary stopping as he stared inside, Soap peered in the room seeing you again. Right by Gaz’s side. You had your hand on his forehead and you were whispering something to him. In which Gaz began to react to it, his chest moved up and down as if he was chuckling, and he was. His eye fluttering open being met with your piercing gaze.

“Y/N…” Gaz muttered giving you a small smile.

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty, how are feeling?” You say as you look up at Ghost and Soap entering the room. You waved at the two of them, “Ah there you two are, was starting to think you wouldn’t show.”

“Y/N…” Ghost said almost in disbelief.

“Simon,” you greeted with a smile. “You’ve seen better days.”

“Are you the new recruit?” Ghost asked.

“That I am,” you replied. “Soap right?” You said fixing your gaze on him.

Soap nods, “Bloody hell are ya?”

“ Death.”

“Death?” Soap chuckles, “As in what?”

“Not any other fancy way, I’m Death straight up.”

[rainbowxocs]

[might make a reference for him not sure yet]

Name: The Cultivator.

Alt Name: Venus Violet.

True Name: V____

Special Titles: False God, God of the Wilds.

Old Special Titles: Protector, Knight, Private.

Username: theoneandonly

Nicknames: Mushie, V, Culti, Cult, Buttercup, God, Mushi, Mushroom, Shroomy.

Chronological Age: 1010.

Age: Late 30s Early 40s.

Pronouns: He/They.

Sexuality: Bisexual.

Gender: None. But is generally Masculine.

Species: Mushie. (Old Man of the Woods/Violet Cort/Violet Deceiver Hybrid.)

Disorders: [redacted by V]

Religion: Daisyism, Technically.

Job: Cultivating, Technically.

Lives in: The Hospital, 2023.

Languages: Fae, English. + Most Languages.

Height: Depends on form. Can range from 5’7” to 8ft.

Ethnicity: Fae.

Accent: Very odd. Not like any human accent that’s for sure. He also puts on a very “evil”/inhuman voice. His voice will sometimes crack into a more human one.

Voice Claim: Death from Puss and Boots.

Powers: [redacted by V]

Weaknesses: [redacted by V]

Weapons: [redacted by V]

Alignment: Neutral Evil.

Text Color: Purple, Sometimes Black.

Main Hobbies: [redacted by V]

Favorite Food: Human, Meat In General, Soup, Wine, Bloxy Cola, Ratatouille, Lasagna, Trees, Licorice, Burgers, Tea.

Favorite Flower: Violets.

Scent: Dirt, Fancy Blueberry Cologne.

Handedness: Left Handed.

Blood Color: Mushrooms. It’s.. just Mushrooms.

Awareness: Very Aware (Effect: Neutral.)

Birthday: [redacted by V]

Theme:

Playlist:

Fun Facts: Cultivator is like schrodingers cat at the moment. Will he live? Will he die? Who knows!

Special Interests: [redacted by V]

Stims: [redacted by V]

Stimboard: (might make one who knows lol)

Moodboard: (^)

Fashion Board: (^)

Comfort Objects: [redacted by V]

Family: [redacted by V]

Friends: [redacted by V]

Romance: [redacted by V]

Enemies: [redacted by V]

Brief Personality: [redacted by V]

Brief Backstory: [redacted by V]

[aidenpriceless]

Which Shrek character would excel the most in PFL, in your opinion?

Greetings. Apologies for forgetting this reply in the drafts, hopefully you are not inconvenienced by the delay. Am I correct in assuming that you would like me to draw some comparisons between the cast of the Shrek animated movie franchise and the roles of our agents? In that case, this question would require an in-depth analysis of their abilities for me to formulate a satisfying response.

There are plenty of characters within the source material, but let us stick with our main entries: Shrek, Donkey, Princess Fiona, and Puss in Boots.

Shrek

Superhuman Strength (diminishes when transformed into a human)

Durability (survived being burned alive)

Can travel on foot for miles without tiring

Hand-To-Hand Combat (Krav Maga, Irish Street Fighting)

Survival skills from living in the swamp

Improvising plans

Knowledge of fairytales and ogre lore

Powerful roar he can use to blow people backwards

Bonus abilities from the original book: swallowing lightning, heat vision, fire breathing

If we were to compare Shrek to any of our agent, we might see resemblances with Agent Washington and Agent Maine. His durability and being a jack of all trades would certainly make him an asset to our organization. He is likely to meeting our standards, in terms of performance. His temper, however, can cause many issues and further observation would be required to establish the proper measures we need to take. 8-/10

Princess Fiona

Master Martial Artist

Superhuman Strength (As an Ogre)

Durability

Expert Weapon Combatant (in the alternative world of Shrek Forever After), can hit targets while blindfolded

Team Leadership (in the alternative world of Shrek Forever After)

Princess Fiona is most similar to Agent Carolina, as we have seen the speed with which both are capable of landing hits. Her already enhanced strength is a great addition. She would benefit from using our camouflage armour enhancement and become virtually unstoppable. 9.5/10

Puss in Boots

Combat Proficiency (mostly as a swordsman) despite his small size

Sharp claws

Expert thief and hunter (thanks to speed and fluidity of movement which he also uses in dance challenges)

Distraction, using his cute nature

Guitar playing

Implied to be at least bilingual

Even more so than Princess Fiona, Puss In Boots is fast. Due to his ability to deceive, he would benefit from a holographic projection enhancement such as the one assigned to Agent Connecticut, who shares the usage of blades as her main weapon. In short, there is potential, but the determining factor is the presence and focus on the mission. Those values may not align with this character. I would not send him on a mission alone and not expect him to wander on his own. 7/10

Donkey

Empathy

Ability to keep secrets

Diplomacy, with which he has successfully changed others' stance regarding people or issues

As you may have noticed from exploring the franchise yourself, Donkey's special...Skillsets do not unfortunately include combat, which is the main requirement in hiring our agents. (3/10) If we are not strictly talking codenamed agents, there is plenty of members from freelancer personnel who could instruct him to a suitable profession. Namely, our field medic for simulation troopers, mr Frank DuFresne.

[princesssarisa]

Faerie Tale Theatre Role Association: Seasons 4 through 6

@thealmightyemprex

The Three Little Pigs

Ian Malcolm blows down the houses of “Flounder” Dorfman and Mike LaFontaine, but he can’t blow down the house of Mike Wazowski. Eve Teschmacher helps to defeat him.

The Snow Queen

Laura Ingalls and Danny Peters are best friends. When Danny is spirited away to the north by Kirsten Arnensen-Clay, Laura sets out to search for him. Along the way, she meets a magical summer lady named Michelle and a robber girl named C.B.

The Pied Piper of Hamlin

Brave Sir Robin relieves a town of rats… and then of their children when they refuse to pay him.

Cinderella

Alex Owens is mistreated by her stepmother Miss Brooks, until Edith Bunker helps her attend a royal ball, where she falls in love with Simba. Monsignor O’Hara narrates.

Puss in Boots

The Leading Player is a clever cat who helps his master Ray Hughes win the hand of Dr. Roxanne Turner by acquiring the castle of Tom Robinson.

The Emperor’s New Clothes

Snow Miser is a vain emperor deceived by con artist duo Ed Norton and Schmendrick. Fagin and Nancy play supporting roles, as does Basil of Baker Street. Mr. Rochester narrates.

Aladdin

Lewis Skolnick discovers a magic lamp containing Mufasa, whose wish-granting allows him to marry Gloria. But the villainous Spock is determined to claim both the lamp and Gloria for himself.

The Princess Who Had Never Laughed

Amanda Brooks has been raised by her father Dr. Johnny Fever to always be serious and wants someone to make her laugh. The Brain, the Shredder, and Frosty the Snowman all fail, but Bobby Generic succeeds. Mr. Braddock narrates.

Rip Van Winkle

Bud is a lazy man who wanders into the mountains to escape from his nagging wife Adrian and ends up bowling with the ghosts of Ranken and his ship’s crew. His neighbors include Leopold Mozart and Dr. Victor Erlich.

The Little Mermaid

Mindy McConnell falls in love with George Berger and trades her voice to Faye Greener in exchange for human legs. But sadly, Berger marries a young Queen Elizabeth II instead.

The Dancing Princesses

RoboCop sets out to discover how Cinderella and her sisters are wearing out their shoes every night. Tangina Barrons gives him magical help, while Leopold Mozart is Cinderella’s father.

[janeeyreofmanderley]

You know what? It is time to realise that the original fairy tale princesses are not the damsel in distresses they are always accused to be!

As a big fairytale fan that BUGS me!!!! All the time I hear that princesses are bad role models for girls because they teach them jsut to be pretty and wait for big manly prince to rescue them and that....is not true?????

Even for Disney Princesses that is hardly accuarate, for the original fairy tale princesses, not at all.

In Disney I think we only have two princesses where this description fits. Aurora and Snow White. They are indeed mostly passive (especially Aurora who quickly dozes off) and get rescued by true love's kiss.

Cinderella- no. Sorry, no way I agree that she gets rescued by a prince.

Like let's have a look at another fairy tale. Puss in boots. The youngest son of the miller inherits a cat, cat takes him on adventures, vanquishes a wizard and as reward the miller's son gets to marry the princess and inherit half the kingdom.

Now usually say the princess is the boy's reward, a literal trophy wife. However I argue if we declare her a trophy wife the prince in Cinderella is a trophy husband. And the other way round, if we agree Cinderella's prince saved her, then the princess saved the miller's son!

Cinderella was not saved. She got a bit lucky that is all. She was an abused girl who just wanted to have a few nights out and have some fu dancing. All that happened then was not someone rescuing her, but because she was a lovely person. The one thing her stepmother and sisters could not rob her of, was her personality. She is sweet, kind and loving and not matter how mean they were, she was radical in remaning kind. That the prince fell in love with her was not to rescue her but becasue he fell in love with a girl who was nice, beautiful and kind.

And then there are so many other "princesses" who never got their own movies and are nto as well known but who actually have way mroe agency than the men in the fairytales whic I always find interestin. (Probably because many of those tales were probably mostly told by women)

Like Rose Red and Snow White? Save the prince eventually. Receive ech a prince as reward which is neat (they liked one of those anyway), but were doing fine anyway.

The seven swans. Princess saves not one but seven princes (her brothers) through great personal sacrifice. King falls in love with her and after being deceived in believing she was a witch apologises to her.

Seven Ravens, again sister saving her birdified brothers yet a very different adventure. She travels to sun and moon and rescues them.

Not an old fairy tale but in the Snow Queen the boy is saved not by a lover (it is more descibed as an innocent love between children) but his dearest playmate Gerda. She ravels through adversities to the Snow Queens realm and saves him.

Heck even Sleepign Beauty didn't really get saved by a prince in the Grimm version! This prince just was lucky to walk by when the 100 years were up and the curse had expired.

Fairy tales are full of interesting and energetic women who take fate in their own hands and save the day, even if someone come to argue that there might be other older version I am not aware of that may well be, but the Grimms versions are told this way for over 200 years now (and were written dwon that way at a time we generally wold not consider the height of the emancipation movement).

Acting as if independetn and energetic women are an invention of the 20th century is not only erasign women's contribution to history but also sets the scene for a dangerous argument that it is " unnatural" or a "trend" for women to be so.

So yeah, I will stilly love my princesses and really recommend everyone to also read some of the less well known works of Grimm.

(btw also nothing wrong with some of ther heroines who needed help, there is something beautiful about people being able to ask for help when at their wits end and receiving it (e.g. the girl in Bluebeard).

[midnightstarshadow]

My sister (not N) was playing Flicker on Roblox and she was the murderer

It got down to the last three

They were gonna vote her but she went "No, he's deceiving you!!"

But they were twins (basically means if something happens to one of them, it happens to both so they're basically conjoined)

So she thought she was gonna lose

Except no

She no-selled so hard, the other guy voted his twin

I can't imagine how pussed the other twin must've been lol

[navybrat817]

We ALL want Max. Also, we ALL eat up any of Navy’s fics, filthy or fluffy, so if you’re not included in the all, maybe just stay off the ask box.

Anywho, I just finished watching puss in boots (it’s a coping mechanism at this point) and Softpaws (puss’s love interest/partner), has only one wish for her life. (The movie revolves around many of them trying to get to the wishing star so they could get their one guaranteed wish, granted)

She was to use that one in a bajillion wish to have someone she can trust. She said she was gonna wish for someone, at least one person to be trustworthy, and won’t break promises, trust, nor fool or deceive her. Be with her without ulterior motives, or be with her without having to watch her back. Because all her life thats what people did.

Just imagine Max and Nick hearing that. Out of all the wishes that could be granted, Reader’s only wish would be someone whom she can trust because she’s tired, and max and nick? Ain’t it. Or are they?

What would their reaction/response be?

I appreciate the love, nonnie! And I'm glad there are people who want to read about Max. It's fun to explore new characters and dynamics.

I have not seen it, but reading that breaks my heart for poor Softpaws! As far as their responses if our reader said that...

Max would try to appear calm, but be irrationally upset. He wasn't supposed to feel anything for you, but he does. And now that he does and you don't trust him, he hates it. He also know words aren't going to mean a damn thing to you, so he'll have to show you that you can trust him again. It would be a long road, but he's used to that with the long cons.

Nick, on the other hand, wouldn't be as upset. He expects it and even slightly deflects by asking what drove you to Max in the first place. Someone or something had to give you a push to be on your own. He also believes he's at an advantage because though he doesn't know you quite as well as Max, he didn't plan to ditch you the way Max did. In his eyes, he'll be able to win your trust over quicker than Max. Could also be a reason he wants you to work with him.

As far as you know, Max and Nick don't know about the man back home or why you left. You plan to keep it that way.

Love and thanks! ❤️

[andrewmoocow]

Little Homeworld Life chapter 19: Fun in the Sun (originally posted on May 1, 2023)

AN: Just in time for the beginning of summer, we have a beach episode! Yep, after the emotional trauma of last time, we could all use a little R&R and just a little fanservice too. But let's not have that distract from what Black Rutile has planned now that she's unleashed what is essentially Bill Cipher, Discord, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Bat Mite, the Collector, and the Beyonder all rolled into one with no shred of morals or care for mortal life, since we already implied last chapter that he convinced Adolf Hitler to become chancellor and start the Nazis. But for now, he's just content to sit back and wait until he can be fully freed by causing chaos like he usually does. And on a related note, I originally intended for Flipso to be voiced by David Tennant, but then the Steven versus Big Jack Horner from Puss in Boots: The Last Wish came along and I figured I could reference those by replacing him with John Mulaney. I think I've been talking too much, let's get on with the show!

Synopsis: As summer begins, Little Homeworld hits the beach.

Cast:

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

John Mulaney as Flipso

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Tiger's Eye

Deedee Magno Hall as Pearl, Yellow Pearl, Blue Pearl, Volleyball

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Shanelle Grey as Sally Grove

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Gal Gadot as Desert Glass

Willa Holland as Albite

Courtenary Taylor as Beryl

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Bill Fagerbakke as Spirit of Competition

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Ian Jones Quartey as Snowflake Obsidian, Bixbite

Cavetown as Diaspore

Sarah Jessica Parker as Dumortierite

Halsey as Tanzanite

Idina Menzel as Amazonite

Mia Barron as Apatite

Olga Kurylenko as Rasputina

John Kassir as Reginald Johnson

--

Summer had finally begun, and right off the bat, it seemed like the hottest day of the year. However, that did not deter Black Rutile as she worked with Rasputina to research the powers of Flipso further, all while Flipso gave some running commentary by reminiscing on his past deeds.

"And the moral of the story is never use a volcano as a barbecue pit." Flipso finished another story of the chaos he created in eons past. "And that was the story of how I accidentally destroyed Pompeii! Those silly Romans didn't know what had happened! I thought I learned my lesson, but then I tried doing it again with Mount St. Helens. Eh, it doesn't matter to me either way; a volcano's a volcano, and a dead body is a dead body."

"I did not expect him to be this casual towards exterminating innocent lives." Rasputina commented on Flipso's comedic levels of apathy towards his sociopathic actions. "I thought he was just going to be a funny, obnoxious trickster."

"Well, appearances can be deceiving." Black Rutile replied. "Now then, it says here that in order to restore Flipso's physical form, only those with the blackest of hearts are considered worthy to receive his godlike powers." This reading from Flipso's page began piquing her interest. "Godlike powers, huh? If I had abilities of that caliber, I could use them to erase Steven from existence and rule unopposed!" Suddenly, there was a loud knocking at the door. "Someone's coming, hide!"

Just as Flipso and Rasputina vanished, White Topaz kicked in the door to Black Rutile's house with urgent news. "Black Rutile, you gotta come outside! The Crystal Gems have a big announcement to make!"

"They're finally outlawing Era 3 because I was right all along, and they're giving me special permission to execute Steven on live television?!" Black Rutile excitedly asked, much to White Topaz's dismay. "Come on, a Gem can dream!"

"No, they got something really fun planned!" White Topaz explained. "Everybody's talking about what to do for summer; you should come and see!"

"But I was busy with something!" Black Rutile whined in dismay as she looked back at her research. "Okay, fine, I'll see what you want to do, but count me out!"

"Yep, count me out." Black Rutile grumbled as the Gems of Little Homeworld gathered around the Warp Pad to hear what the Crystal Gems had to say.

--

"We're going to the beach, and you're all invited!" Pearl excitedly announced, to the eagerness of everyone around them.

"Spending time with my greatest enemies, the very reason my life is ruined?" Black Rutile frowned. "In your dreams, you putrid fascists!"

"Hey, cut the backtalk already!" Amethyst said to Black Rutie." You've been awfully stressed out lately, so this could be a chance for you to kick back and relax a little!"

"You're the reason I'm so stressed, you idiots!" Black Rutile yelled just as Garnet tried calming her down with a firm shoulder rub. "Stop touching me without my consent!"

"You see, this is what we mean." Garnet calmly advised the Rutile terrorist. "You're under a lot of stress at the moment, and we're looking for ways to help you calm down more. Please, just let us help you for once."

"Yeah, and we'd thought that maybe getting you involved in some relaxing activities could help you out." Lapis agreed with Garnet. "And who knows? Maybe you'll finally see how great Earth can be as well."

"I highly doubt it." Jasper rolled her eyes in response.

"See, she gets me!" Black Rutile agreed with Jasper before she saw Flipso emerge from behind her. "And what do you want?"

"Frankly, I think you should chillax for a bit." Flipso suggested. "Get a little breather from researching yours truly! In fact, how much of your hot brown morning potion have you had lately?"

"A little too much for me to count." Black Rutile replied, even though, at the moment, she was the only one who could see Flipso and make her look like she was talking to herself. Gawking at the sight, Jasper turned to Aquamarine and Holly Blue with a thumb pointed at the Rutile while the two blue Gems just shrugged to try and keep up the illusion.

"Maybe I could use a break now and then." Black Rutile admitted. "Fine, I'll go along with your little trip. But I won't like it!" The other Gems began cheering in delight, much to Black Rutile's annoyance. "I'm not liking it already."

--

"I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold." Teal Zircon said dramatically as she pointed a water gun straight at Diaspore's face. "Your choice, rebel scum."

"Draw!" Diaspore yelled back while pulling out a water gun of her own to fire at Teal Zircon, starting a playfully intense water-fight between the two. All around the duo, Gems of all shapes and sizes littered the beach, either playing in the sand or enjoying the water. All of them were having the summertime of their lives, all except for one.

"Yes, yes. You all have your fun, you fools." Black Rutile, now dressed in a white rash guard and black shorts, glowered as she sulked on a beach towel under an umbrella. "I'll be hiding away here where no one else can find me plotting."

"Hey, Black Rutile!" Lapis exclaimed, making Black Rutile yelp in surprise before turning to face the blue Gem, who had swapped her usual ensemble for a blue and white one-piece with a white skirt. "Sorry to give you a scare. I just wanted to check up on you."

"Well, I shouldn't be any of your beeswax or whatever they say!" Black Rutile scowled at the terraformer. "Now go away!"

"You know, you could do tons of stuff with us." Lapis said as she pointed towards some of the Gems' activities. "Like surfing, for example."

"WHOO, COWABUNGA!" Zuli shrieked delightfully as she rode the wave in a yellow crop top and shorts.

"Yeah, keep it going!" Laz, dressed in a dark blue one-piece, cheered her bestie on as she recorded the whole thing.

"Volleyball." Lapis continued while Jasper and White Topaz were engaged in a volleyball game against Blue and Yellow Pearl.

"SPIKE!" Yellow Pearl yelled vigorously as she spiked the ball right into Jasper's face.

"Uh, Yellow, I'm pretty sure you're taking this a little too seriously." Blue Pearl meekly said as Jasper got back up from the counterattack.

"She's not taking it seriously enough!" Jasper responded before throwing the ball back.

"Get 'em, darling!" White Topaz said excitedly.

"Sandcastle building." Peridot stood above the beach atop a massive sandcastle and looked down on everyone below her. "KNEEL BEFORE ME, CLODS! FOR I STAND ON HIGH; THEREFORE, I AM FAR TALLER THAN ALL OF YOU!"

"Hey, get off my sandcastle, Peridot!" Morganite yelled at Peridot from the base of the castle. "I worked very hard on this and do not want anyone taking credit!"

"Look, Morganite; I'm making a little home for the crabs!" Volleyball giggled as she dug a little hole in the sandcastle to put some crabs in.

"Don't encourage her, Pearl!" Morganite grumbled angrily.

"Some of them are even breaking watermelons." Demantoid tied a blindfold around Tanzanite before handing her a club and spinning her around.

"Are you sure nobody will get hurt?" Tanzanite asked as she stopped spinning and began walking around the beach searching for the watermelon.

"Just trust us and follow my voice." Pyrope assured the purple Gem. "Now then, step a little to the right. No, my right. No, that's right!" Despite the former aristocrat's orders, Tanzanite didn't seem to pay attention. "Are you even listening to me right now?!"

"Ah, I think this is it!" Tanzanite exclaimed before bonking Apatite on the head with the club.

"Watch where you're pointing that thing." Apatite scolded Tanzanite rather nonchalantly.

"You know, all of those do sound enticing," Black Rutile said. "but I think I'm just content with staying here for right now. Now shoo, shoo!"

"Okay, your loss." Lapis said before she flew away, just as Flipso magically appeared beside Black Rutile in a deck chair of his own, wearing a red floral-pattern Hawaiian shirt and drinking out of a coconut.

"Aloha, chum!" Flipso greeted Black Rutile. "Heard you guys were headed for the beach. Frankly, I can see why because, lord almighty, I can feel the temperature rising!" He emphasized his point by summoning a thermometer that immediately burst from the heat. "So, anything you want to do together, Cherie?"

"Not interested." Black Rutile turned down Flipso's offer, much to his dismay, as she turned on her tablet to talk with Sally Grove.

"Aw, you're no fun!" Flipso whined like a petulant child. "I thought you would be the black heart that I needed to get outta this joint, but instead, you're all about rules and control and such! That just ain't my thing!"

"Shut up, I'm talking here!" Black Rutile shushed Flipso before talking with Sally. "Hello, Sally. How are you dealing with this heatwave?"

"I'm doing well. It won't stop me from making videos." Sally replied. "I got some new ones on the pipeline this summer, like 'Bisexual People are Just Straight People with Extra Steps,' 'Eduardo Suarez is a Bad President,' and one I think you'd love, 'Steven Universe is a Garbage Person and Here's Why.'"

"Send me the script for that last one!" Black Rutile suggested eagerly while Flipso impatiently waited to be paid attention to again.

"Oy jevalt, this beach day became such a bore!" Flipso moaned in disappointment just as he got an awful idea. "How about we liven up the joint a bit?" With a sinister cackle, he clapped his hands to make some mischief come to life.

--

"So, what do you think we should do for group activities next, girls?" Pearl asked the other Crystal Gems while adjusting her sunhat. "Maybe an art show or a sports competition?"

"Oh, I'd love the first one!" Peridot eagerly kicked her legs at the idea. "I just need someone to help me out with a meep morp!"

"You know, I never quite got why you call art that word." Bismuth stated. "I mean, why not call it what it is?"

"It's called having a sense of humor, Bismuth, doy!" Lapis replied frustratedly when they all heard a loud rumbling sound. "What was that?"

"Uh, guys. I think you're gonna need to see this." Amethyst said as a giant crab monster emerged from the ocean, spooking everyone on the beach while a white pony fighting it with a sword fell off the creature's back and into the portal where they came from.

"That crab is making me really scared!" Teal Zircon yelled in fright as she tightly held onto Beryl. "But also really hungry!"

"What are we gonna do?!" Beryl added just as the Crystal Gems sprang into action. "Hooray, here they come to save the day!"

"Amethyst, get everyone to safety! Pearl, find a potential weak point!" Garnet began giving orders. "Lapis, Peridot, Bismuth, Jasper, and White Topaz are all with me!"

"Aye, aye, captain!" White Topaz gave a hearty salute before whipping her brass knuckle gauntlet to punch at the crab's leg. "How do you like that, Sebastian?! You must be really hoping to get back down where it's wetter, huh?!"

"What is going on here?!" Holly Blue yelled as she, Cat's Eye, Aquamarine, and the Rubies watched the other Gems fight the crab monster, all while Black Rutile and Flipso sat back with some popcorn and drinks.

"Wherever that thing came from, keep it as far away from my bikini as possible!" Cat's Eye meowed while showing off her athletic body in a bright orange two-piece. "I wouldn't dare have that thing slobber all over me and pinch me to pieces!"

"Is this your friend's doing?" Aquamarine asked, pointing to a relaxing Flipso.

"Wassup?" Flipso smiled while throwing up a peace sign. "I just felt like livening up the joint since someone would rather not pay attention to me!"

"So that's it, you just want attention?" Eyeball responded to the chaos god's announcement. "Well, I can see why that librarian kept you locked up for so long."

"Ah, hush up, this is gonna get good!" Flipso replied with a mouthful of popcorn as he watched the Gems gain the upper hand on the crab beast.

"Lapides, now!" Jasper commanded Lapis, Laz, and Zuli to restrain the massive crustacean with water chains. "Larimar, make sure she doesn't try and break out!"

"What can I do?" Desert Glass asked Jasper.

"I don't know, bury this thing or something!" Jasper yelled. As the Lapides and Larimar used their water and ice powers to keep the crab from moving, Desert Glass commanded the sand beneath her sandal-clad feet to slowly sink the crab into the ground before burying it beneath, making sure that it wouldn't break out and hurt anyone again. "It is over, finished."

"Wow, these Gems sure got a lot of moxie!" Flipso applauded Desert Glass's efforts as the other Gems cheered in celebration. "But, still, that was a little anticlimactic. I mean, what's stopping that thing from breaking out? We just gonna shove it into the sea or something?"

"Let's not bother ourselves for now." Black Rutile replied. "But right now, I think we could put your powers to good use."

--

Once the crab was dealt with, everything returned to normal as the Gems returned to their beach activities. Well, as normal as a beach day, being haunted by a chaotic spirit can get, anyways. Flipso haunted everyone's shadows, ogling some of the Gems in their swimsuits as he brainstormed ideas for his next plot.

"Hm, I have to say, these Gem babes don't look half bad." Flipso mused to himself. "But I wonder if they even talked about who was hotter? Ooh, delightfully devilish, Flipso! Yer old papa Jestrix would be proud!" With a snap of his fingers, Flipso brought forth a strange pink blob-like creature with a very dopey voice. "Hey, Spirit of Competition, my man! Glad you could come!"

"Uh, what do you need me for, Flipso?" the Spirit of Competition asked Flipso.

"Well, I gotta ask two things. First," Flipso summoned a crowbar and began beating the Spirit senseless with it. "WHERE'S MY MONEY, YOU STUPID WAD OF GUM?! YOU WANT ME TO START A HOTLINE FOR PEOPLE TO VOTE ON WHETHER I CAN KILL YOU OR NOT?!"

"I promise I'll get your money; just please leave me alone!" the Spirit of Competition wailed. "What else did you need me for?!"

"Glad you asked, sonny!" Flipso smiled before presenting the Spirit with all the beautiful women around them. "Behold, some very gorgeous gals! Just look at them, by gummity!"

"Yeah, they're hot!" the Spirit drooled amorously. "What do you want me to do?"

"Listen, I got a friend who needs to have the heat taken off her, and I summoned you to help distract these babes." Flipso stated. "Think you're up to the challenge? I'll give you some free mortal food out of this."

"Ooh yeah, I love making people challenge each other!" the Spirit of Competition exclaimed happily. "And I think I know just the thing to do!" With a determined look on its face, the Spirit leaped towards Emerald and began assimilating itself into her body to control her mind for a bit.

"Maybe you're right." Emerald admitted to Amazonite. "Maybe there is a good-minton." Then the Spirit began taking over her body, symbolized by her eyes turning a dark shade of pink and her gem taking on a slight pinkish glow. "But you know what else is good? This body!" She stood up and forced Amazonite to admire her muscles in her lime green bikini. "Look at this perfectly sculpted form! Gaze upon it, I say!"

"Emerald, are you okay?" Amazonite asked as she slowly backed away from the suddenly changed ex-pilot. "You seem a lot more overconfident than usual."

"Oh please, you're getting too cocky, Emerald." Pyrope challenged Emerald while flaunting her body in her tight pink one-piece. "I got soft curves for days here!"

"Geez, are we really starting a contest here?" Apatite smirked before showing off her red swimsuit. "Because we all know who the winner is here. That's right, ol' Shortstack herself!"

"Well, why don't we make it a contest?!" Albite exclaimed. "Most attractive Gem on the beach shall win…..uh….." She began thinking about what the prize should be. "I don't know, the undying respect and admiration of her opponents?"

"YEAH!" Tanzanite loudly agreed, followed by the other Gems, while the Crystal Gems watched gobsmacked at what was going on, and Black Rutile's smile widened with intrigue.

"So this is his idea of fun, exploiting beautiful women?" Black Rutile purred curiously. "His powers just get curiouser and curiouser."

--

As the beauty contest began with Zuli, Pyrope, Emerald, Garnet, Desert Glass, Apatite, Blue Pearl, and Cat's Eye as contestants, with Amethyst, Teal Zircon, and Yellow Pearl as judges, this gave Black Rutile the perfect opportunity to conduct her research in private while everyone was distracted.

"Rasputina, get over here!" Black Rutile called for the sorceress, who appeared before her dressed in a black bandeau bikini with a matching sunhat and sunglasses. "You've been waiting to join us on the beach, have you?"

"What gave it away?" Rasputina nonchalantly asked before sitting down next to Black Rutile. "What have you gathered on Flipso so far?"

"It seems that at the moment, Flipso can only conjure things into existence with a snap of his fingers." Black Rutile analyzed. "But if he were to restore his physical form, his abilities could cause the breakdown of all reality as we know it!"

"Exactly!" Flipso replied. "Also, how you doin'? Care for a little candlelight dinner later?"

"Get bent." Rasputina snarked at the god before looking at Black Rutile surfing Yatter. "So what's this supposed to be?"

"Some kind of right-wing human that Sally led me to." Black Rutile said. "Some guy named Reginald Johnson who leads an anti-Crystal Gem white supremacist group because he thinks they're 'toxic feminists' who will lead to humankind's destruction. Take a look at this." She clicked on a video of a stereotypical Southerner in a ten-gallon hat, a wifebeater covered in bandoliers, and a bushy beard sitting at a desk.

"Now you may be wondering, how could I hate a group of people I've never met who probably don't know I exist?!" Reginald Johnson ranted on the video. "Well, I don't like what they're putting in the Earth that turns the freaking rocks gay! Do you understand that?! They're no better than those mentally ill preschoolers who think they're fighting climate change or everyone who says I can't have a crush on this fictional candy mascot!"

As Reginald continued, Black Rutile, Flipso, and Rasputina were just about to start laughing. "Well then, whose bright idea was it to depict the candy as a beautiful woman, huh?! The world is a cruel parent but an effective teacher too. Its final lesson is carved deep into our psyches: that the world, and all its people, are diseased! Free will is a joke because we'll all soon become nothing more than mindless puppets for the minorities of this world!"

"Okay, I think that's enough racism for today." Flipso muttered before shutting off the video. "This guy has potential! It's a wonder that Sally babe has so much interest in him; they're almost alike!"

"That's not untrue." Rasputina nodded in reply. "They are both openly prejudiced against the norm, but Reginald is a stereotypical right-winger while Sally is just an opinionated cynic."

--

"Okay, this is becoming a little unorthodox." Pearl commented as she watched the beauty contest continue. "First the crab monster, and now this? What's the meaning of this?"

"Shall we get to the bottom of this?" Peridot suggested. "I think Black Rutile might have something to do with everything happening today."

"I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case." Pearl agreed. "Hello, Black Rutile? Can you come over here, please?"

"Oh no, they're onto us!" Flipso animatedly chattered his teeth in fright. "What do we do? What do we do?!"

"You're the reality-warping horror beyond man's comprehension; you do something!" Black Rutile exclaimed, shaking the creature by its shoulders and forcing him away.

"Okay, if I were a Gem, what could possibly distract me?" Flipso began thinking of another plan while looking towards the Spirit of Competition, still attaching itself to Emerald like a symbiote. "Hey, Compy! Give me a lift here!"

"Sorry, I'm in the middle of something. Be there in a bit!" the Spirit of Competition said before making Emerald strike some model poses for the audience. "Whoo, work it, baby!"

"Well, looks like I'm in a rut here." Flipso proclaimed in defeat when he noticed Pearl making her way through the contestants searching for Black Rutile. "Indiana Jones, I hope you're watching!"

With a snap of Flipso's fingers, the judges turned their gaze to Pearl and made their decision. "And the winner is Pearl!" Amethyst exclaimed. "Wait, what?"

"I'm the winner?" Pearl gasped in shock just as Black Rutile scurried away.

"She's the winner, I guess." Yellow Pearl added.

"More like I'm the winner!" Flipso laughed victoriously as everyone slowly agreed that Pearl was a last-minute shoo-in.

"I mean, Pearl certainly is very cute." Blue Pearl realized, making the other Pearl blush. "She deserved to win."

"I'll allow it!" Emerald remarked in defeat before walking away.

"Congratulations, Pearl." Garnet said while giving Pearl a hearty pat on the shoulder. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"I swear, Black Rutile is up to something, and this contest was a part of it!" Pearl exclaimed.

"Pearl, Black Rutile is up to a lot of things." Bismuth replied. "You need to be more specific."

--

Soon, the sun began to set on Beach City, meaning it was almost time for everyone to go home. However, everybody was hesitant to leave so soon, so to counter this, Garnet got the idea of starting a bonfire to end the day.

"There, nice and toasty." Garnet said as the Gems gathered around the fire.

"Yes, this isn't half bad." Morganite agreed with Garnet while putting her hands out towards the flame. "It's just nice to have some time to relax once in a while."

"So, anything else we should do before we leave?" Snowflake Obsidian asked.

"Ooh, let's tell each other scary stories!" Bixbite suggested.

"Been there, done that." Dumortierite said.

"Anyone else got an idea?" Tiger’s Eye added.

"I feel like roasting the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep boiled in its own stomach over the fire." Teal stated, much to the disgust of everyone else.

"Delicious!" Larimar agreed with Teal, grossing everybody out even more.

"Weirdos." Squaridot muttered.

"We could sing songs together." Topaz made her own suggestion.

"Great idea Topaz and I know just the one!" Pearl exclaimed before she pulled Steven's ukulele from her gem and started to play. "Isn't this such a beautiful night? Whoa, we're underneath a thousand shining stars. Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different? Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?"

Black Rutile rolled her eyes not too far from the bonfire as the song continued. "Look at this place; look at your faces. I've never seen you look like this before. Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different? Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?"

"Aw, look at the adorable mom friend." Flipso smirked at Pearl's performance while the Gems began clapping along. "Too bad I'm gonna have to obliterate her soon."

"You got that right." Black Rutile proclaimed.

"Look at this place; look at your faces. They're shining like a thousand shining stars. Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different? Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?" Pearl continued singing into the night. "Why don't you let yourself just be somewhere different? Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be whoever you are?"

--

Aw, that was a pretty wholesome ending and a much-needed breather from all the drama of last chapter. But don't think we'll be devolving into quote-unquote "filler episodes" when we only have six to seven chapters left of story to go through! I mean, some mix of Alex Jones, Tucker Carlson, Ben Shapiro, and Will Harangue has caught the attention of Black Rutile, in addition to the unholy love child of Lily Orchard and Mindy Kaling's Velma already on her side! What could possibly come from three sociopaths coming together? Well, we'll just have to find out soon because in the meantime, Holly Blue takes the spotlight as the Famethyst visit Little Homeworld. Given how I've been tormenting Holly her entire stay here, this should be fun.

[libidomechanica]

I hae as gude

I hae as gude a craft rig as     made of those fooles Heau’n doth deceive young Desire! And     haunted by his Self- fulfilling run, yet what he said: Juan,     we’ve no time to reckoning

himself more dear. The never but     with battery; but we ride, in fire and squirm newly as     from Molwitz deign’d to run. Being grenadiers. To the great     pitty. I HATE the dripping

off your father raged in tract     of trumpets from cold tile bathroom—all two long had ceased woes     with number makes human kind. Aunt a little ear’s a lilly,     her very place of

birth was but a finger in it     down to the same time it’s fun what do I remember through,     the nighting where they, beyond the Vein of Life is o’er! The     stem, now, sun, and yet be

jealous of an inspiration     set and set its struggling past they stumbled together,     adopted to gather a life a good king: a moderate     pensions, which should have beheld

his pass, stopp’d as is seen and     his lamp were telescopes for azure views; and the lips have     our being told the parents taught me to go about doth     part her lips, and loved two

and there be whose statue propt again;     my last place with loved, and carp, and in the rudest or     gentle stream, and I’m afraid I pout when I came from out     my father raged, this was

quite as quite to wrong with the thunders     with wrong; an active men, they might enhance, to waste so     much for Nature’s rais’d, from its rose hedges and out of empty     craw, there no great planets

did combine on thy sister     memories! Flung here; that is the most exquisitely spired,     or the Moslem men threw the dresses you wear are figures,     a grateful Puss’, and

shriek rings o’er the wall, some hundred     youngsters all around. Of conquest rose, that for trifles no     store and scarce allay’d, with martial king to my girl, to part     his favour or for bread,

and fruitful spreads the cube and some     better to burn and brightest ground: there he sleeping so, she     seems seeing, flashing blade clash’d that will come on my heart for     fifty rubles round ball.

[larentsaloud]

Gorya’s most shooketh Thyme moments™️

ok we always go on about thyme being the one who is looking at gorya with these well established heart eyes from the moment she has punched him, but have we discussed her thyme panic? no? well now we will. 

in no particular order:

scene in the shopping mall, where they get locked. thyme wavers and falls into her, with his damp paws, after waiting in the rain for hours on her, they've just spent the afternoon together fighting with paddington jerk faced bears, and bickering, lil’ tiger is tired and lil’ sick too. he even conquered his fear of heights and gorya had to pat his back while he threw up. peak girfriend. Gorya’s face goes from absolute shock to fear, that she is about to be kissed again, you can just feel her thumping heart popping out of her chest. she slaps him out of the orbit, lol. but then resumes fussing over him and nursing him. even strips him. sigh. ok gorya. you do you. 

my girl really going through it. look at her wide eyed gaze, while thyme lays there with open lips, and his eyes half closed, utterly at her disposal, defeated and exhibiting prime sub behaviour. but her staring around the room, with wandering eyes, while the taste of his lips lingers on her lip, her hand almost touching her mouth, stunned, speechless, shooketh to the thyme and back. 

side bar. does anyone think that thyme was about to hug her, because I do. what is his hand trying to do here? it went from peacefully resting to mid-air.

naw. my gurl is having a hard time dealing with the consequences. 

high key thyme panic in full force. he moves in closer. don't tell me she wasn't expecting a kiss? 

is that a look of disappointment that your non-boyfriend did not in fact kiss you? I mean we were all wondering what he was up to when he leaned in and you hit the gate with your backside girl, it had the classic feel, so don't feel bad, we have been deceived. thyme the unpredictable sneezed just as he was removing that piece of fluff from your hair. we all saw your expectant eyes inhaling him. gurl you got no defence. naaaah. you like this fool. 

the whole speech thyme gave about ren and the doll, yes. the magic pork? yes. but this. THIS moment. the gate falls, in rather metaphorical way, the barriers between them are removed temporarily while they share a tender moment, they've been bickering because she told him to apologise and he cockily says, that would ruin his image, while she calls him stupid and pushes him and the next thing you know they are getting all playful and BAM. the gate is down. I repeat the gate is down over. the whole family is gathered at the window, peaking at the scene, sort of rubbing their hands together that this mogul is in the little shabby falling apart house, and gorya laughs at thyme's sensitive remark:’your house is full of surprises’. it’s cute. she is shooketh. he brought medicine, ate the food, was unofficially adopted by her fam and now he is being all fluffy in her arms. what is a girl gonna do? asking for a friend. the way he turned around three times before he left, and how she saw him off, waving and little giddy from their interaction and high on cold medicine. my favourite underrated moment. 

LORD HOLD MY HANDKIE MY FAVOURITE SCENE. THEY EVEN ADDED HER PUSS* HEARTBEAT. PLEASE THE WAY SHE LOOKS SO SQUISHY AGAINST HIS HANDS. I WILL DECEASE. 

the whole zoo up until a certain point. she seems to be attracted to her non-boyfriend by this stage, especially when he touches her face lol, some kind of kryptonite hormone releases and our big tiger (gorya) goes from I don't know this fool, to this fool seems very very handsome and cute *gulp*. thyme telling her that he will wait, that he won't ask her until he is confident she feels the same way. I mean he wants to soften her heart. she can be as stubborn as she wants. sigh. thyme. them eyes are a bit heart shaped, no? someone check on my girl. is she ok???

you know that moment when you are with someone, and you sort of start getting self-conscious? yeah. suddenly being pulled into a hug feels like your whole body is tingling and on fire and you are about to explode, you are convinced that the person can READ your mind, lol so you pull away because you are scared? aha. gorya has it so bad for him. pls. boyband indeed. sure jan. you do you. 

HONORARY MENTION: HER FACE WHILE HE IS FIGHTING WITH THE PLUSHIE IN THE ZOO INSTEAD OF LASHING OUT ALTHO WE ALL KNOW THAT CAME LATER. 

alright f4 addicts. 

this is all I got. 

it's only Wednesday. 

pray for me. 

D.

[littlemessyjessi]

Lucifer Morningstar (CAOS) Name Headcanons

Lucifer Morningstar (CAOS Edition) Name Headcanons Lucifer Morningstar x Reader: PS Reader, Plus Size Reader

L: Loathes

He loathes it when you have attitude with him.  Though he's used to being hated by the masses he can not stand when you're angry with him.  He absolutely loathes it.

U: Undying

He has an undying love for you.  To the point of being suffocating at times.  He doesn't mean to be that way but he's never felt love like he has for you.

C: Clingy

More to this point...he is super clingy.  If you're in the room together- and you usually are- he's like right there.  Constant contact.

I: Inferno

Ya boy is passionate as hell.  No pun intended but fuck it we're talking about the King of Hell so pun intended.   Things are very fiery between the two of you most of the time but when the time calls for it....holy hell.

F: Flaws

While you may hate your flaws...he actually adores them.  Being the way that he is - he doesn't expect perfection and revels in the little oddities about you.

E: Extra

His flamboyance is no secret and so it should come as no surprise that his displays of affection are every bit of a peacock displaying his feathers.

M: Moody

He can be such a pouty puss when he doesn't get his way.   Especially when it comes to you.

O: Onions

Lol, so it's common knowledge that he hates them.  Well, on occassion if he really pisses you off.... you just hang a wreath of them on the bedroom door.  He is SO offended.  However, it does do the trick and he knows he's really fucked up.  So he works hard to fix it.

R: Right Now

He is a patient man.  He can wait for what he wants.  To a point.   When he saw you he wanted you and he wanted you right then.

N: Need

And when he got you- oh good lord.   He is quite possibly the neediest person you'd ever met.   However, you wouldn't take it any other way.  You adore him.

I: In Satan's Name

You grew up a certain way and one night you were saying grace over your food.   You ended with "In Jesus Name" and it was dead silent. No one could believe you'd said it.  However, he just reached over and patted your thigh.  "In Satan's name, love." he said with a chuckle.   To date, one of your most embarassing moments.

N: Name

He wants you to take his name.  The sooner the better.  "Darling, why not? Mrs. Morningstar, Queen of Hell.  Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

G: Goddess

In his eyes, you are a goddess before him.  Nothing compares to the beauty of you.

S: Surprises

He is the father of lies but he actually doesn't lie to you.   However, he is an excellent deceiver and can pull off surprises like no one.

T: Treatment

He treats you like the Queen you are.  Anything else would be unacceptable to him on an unholy level.

A: Anchor

When he loses it and flies off the handle, you anchor him.  You can bring him back to center and see reason faster than anyone else.

R: Royalty

For this reason, you will always be royalty in his eyes.  

Hello, darlings! I hope you enjoyed these little name headcanons for The Dark Lord!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

@pleasantdreamqueen   @becrazy–beyou

@littledeadrottinghood @blackirisposts

@therealmrshale @woodworthti666 @thegreatirene@fanfictionandjunk

@angelus320

@alanlizzingtonshore@buriednurbckyrd@disneymarina @tubbypeachwriting

@sullybot @georgiagrl1990 @whenallsaidanddone

@mischiefnevermanaged94 @inumorph

@congurl

@centerhabit

@bubblymusiclover13

@qtmeryr

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@tnupsweetpie

@alisoncdariel

@hannahloveslife

@wormyboi

@blackirisposts

@maggyme13

@amethyst09

@ibenkastberg

@fanfics1717 @mrscasnovak

@thickemadame @babygirl-barnes

@theladyofmasks @aengsty

@kalliravenne​

Love, Kenny

[upthenorthmountain]

Heartwood - Chapter Nine

Previous Chapters

The final chapter! Enjoy!

And a special thank you for the very special @karis-the-fangirl, for all her help now and always x

Chapter 9

“...Anna?”

Anna woke. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but now it was clearly morning. Kristoff was sitting on the side of the bed, fully dressed.

“Mmm?”

“I’m sorry, this is such a pain, I forgot I have to go into Town today - I have to go or I’ll miss my train. Will you be okay?”

“Mm. Yes. I’m fine.” He had said something about going to London the day after her birthday, and she’d forgotten too.

“I’m so sorry, I meant to…” he looked at his watch. “I’ll come home as soon as I can, okay? And we’ll - talk. And there’s something else I wanted to do yesterday but - anyway. Later, okay?”

To her surprise, he leant forward and kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll see you later. Go back to sleep.”

“See you later,” Anna said, and watched him go.

-----

It was almost eight, not so very early. Anna wasn’t sleepy any more so she got up and dressed. Yesterday’s events seemed distant already, almost dream-like - but they’d happened, and she could barely sit still, she was so caught up in wondering - had the doctor made a mistake? She couldn’t think of another reason why she was still here, breathing, heart beating as normal, as she paced the length of the garden and back.

At nine she rang the doctor’s surgery and made an appointment for later that morning. Kristoff would have taken the campervan to the station but she could call a mini-cab, or perhaps ask Lillian for a lift - no, she knew if she did that, she’d end up telling her everything. She had almost told Lillian, so many times, but she hadn’t wanted to make her sad; hadn’t wanted the time they had to be coloured by it. Kristoff had been good as his word, and never referred to Anna’s health, never treated her as if her strength was any less than his, and she was unbelievably grateful for it.

He’d said they needed to talk. Was he drawing the same conclusion she was? Or was he thinking that she had lied all along?

-----

“I see here,” the doctor said, reading her computer screen, “That you were scheduled for a follow-up from your last appointment but you cancelled it, any particular reason?”

“I - there didn’t seem much point.” Anna cringed a little, expecting to be told off.

The doctor frowned at her computer screen and clicked through a couple of tabs. “Yes, you’re probably right,” she said. “Looking at your results - not much point.”

Well, that was a little horrifying, coming from her doctor. Anna winced.

“Yes, a lot of people have these little blips,” the doctor was saying. “It’s good to have it in your records in case it gets worse but for now, no need to do anything. Have you had any further symptoms?”

“No,” Anna said. “Nothing.”

“Then I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“I shouldn’t worry about…” Anna paused. “I’m sorry, I’m confused. When I saw you, last year, you said...you gave me this.” Anna rummaged in her handbag and produced the letter, now looking a bit bedraggled. The doctor took it and glanced at it; then frowned and read it more carefully; then turned to her computer again and started clicking through various screens. “Odd,” she said. “I don’t see why - ha. Yes, we did have trouble with that one…”

“With what?”

“Oh, the machine - it wasn’t calibrated correctly - but we called everyone back in,” the doctor said. “Didn’t you get a letter?”

“I - moved,” Anna said. Well, that was true. She wasn’t going to sit here and say that she’d had a letter - possibly, actually, more than one - and ignored it.

“Oh, goodness, I am sorry. Yes, I can see your results here but it’s definitely wrong, we’ve estimated what it should have been although of course we can redo it if you like.”

“I’m not dying?”

“No, no. A mild murmur. Won’t cause you any trouble.” The doctor was watching her face carefully. Probably wondering why I look so horrified, Anna thought dully. 

“I’m so sorry,” the doctor said. “I will of course follow up with the admin staff and find out why they didn’t contact you again.”

“Of course.” 

The doctor cleared her throat, then reached across her desk and picked up a card. “And if you wish to contact our official complaints service, then I’m sure…”

Anna shook her head. “It’s fine. It’s....I’m sorry, I have to go.” She grabbed her bag and stood up. 

“Miss Rendell -”

“Mrs,” Anna said, and fled.

-----

And suddenly, all the happiness of that past year was gone. All of it had been built on a lie, a lie that had ended up being at someone else’s expense. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Didn’t even get a second opinion. Anna almost ran out of the surgery and along the road to the taxi rank by the station. She saw Kristoff’s camper in the station car park and flinched away from it, even though he was miles away.  

No wonder Kristoff hadn’t wanted to talk to her last night, had hidden away to avoid her. He’d realised what it meant, when the incident at the train track didn’t hurt her; he’d realised Anna was perfectly healthy, and that meant he was stuck with her forever. Or at least for another two years, wasn’t that how long it took to get a divorce? Or was it five? Either way. Oh, what if he’d thought she was lying all along; he must have been so angry. He probably wanted to talk to her later just to throw her out.

It was cowardly, to leave while he was at work, but she knew she needed to do it. She didn’t want to put him in the position of having to pretend he wanted her to stay, to say he didn’t mind. She had made him marry her under false pretences and she didn’t deserve his understanding. She didn’t deserve anything.

“Could you come back in an hour and pick me up again?” she asked the taxi driver when they pulled up at the end of the lane.

“It’s a bit of a drive out -”

“I just need to get my things together, I need to leave before he gets home,” Anna said. It wasn’t until the driver’s expression changed that she realised what she’d said.

“Of course, love,” he said. “I’ll be here. Do you want me to wait here while you get sorted? It’s no trouble.”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that -” But it would take too long to explain. “He’s at work until late. I’ll be fine, thank you.” The driver nodded but she noticed he didn’t pull away until after she’d reached the house.

-----

It took only half the time for Anna to pack her suitcase. Banjo rubbed up against her legs as she squeezed her clothes into the case and she bent down to scratch him under the chin. “I’m sorry, puss,” she said. “I’ll miss you.”

There were a few other things scattered around the house, and as she was gathering them in a carrier bag Anna realised that she did need to tell him why she had left. She should leave a note. But the only paper she could find was the shopping list pad, which had a design of cheerful vegetables - that didn’t seem very appropriate. Or the back of an envelope. Oh, dear.

Without thinking, she ran down the path to the office. It was locked, of course, but the key was under a flowerpot - she’d seen him take it out a hundred times. She didn’t think at all about what she was doing - she was just focussed on needing a piece of paper, and this seemed the most likely place to find one.

She’d expected a desk, maybe shelves or filing cabinets. There was a small table with a laptop, but it was connected to some other electronics she didn’t recognise. That was definitely a microphone, and speakers. His guitar was on a stand in the corner. But they weren’t paper, so she didn’t pay much attention to them. Instead she spotted an inkjet printer in the corner and took a piece of paper out of the tray, then went back to the house, locking up behind her.

Anna put her case and the bags outside the front door, then she sat down at the dining table with the paper and a biro from the kitchen drawer. Her mind was racing. What could be enough? Nothing. But she had to write something.

Kristoff,

I’ve gone home. I went to see my doctor this morning. She told me that there was a problem with the machine they used to diagnose me last year. There was never anything wrong with my heart and I am perfectly healthy and should live for decades.

I’m so sorry. I never meant to deceive you (she had to stop here for a moment to rub her sleeve across her eyes) and I hope you can forgive me. I will contact a lawyer and hopefully we can be divorced soon. I will of course pay all the costs.

Thank you for the happiest year of my life.

Anna

She took the ring off her finger and left it on top of the letter. 

-----

The taxi was waiting for her at the end of the lane. It had taken Anna a couple of trips to get all her belongings there, and the driver helped her fit everything into the boot.

She wasn’t going to cry. And she wasn’t going to look back at the house or the lane as they drove away.

The radio was on, and she asked the driver if he would turn it up, which he did quite happily.

‘....and now we have an exclusive - the new John Foster track, which I know you’ve all been waiting for -”

Oh, she’d forgotten about that. She’d seen about his new album online a few days ago, but with everything, she’d forgotten.

“- and you won’t have heard this anywhere else. I’ve heard it, and it’s a cracker, so settle down and enjoy. This is John Foster, his new single, Heartwood.’

The song began, and Anna’s brow wrinkled. This song wasn’t new - why, hadn’t she heard Kristoff play that intro a dozen times. He was always sitting around holding his guitar and playing little bits of tunes, and she’d liked that one. John Foster, you’re a plagiarist, she thought.

The lyrics began. Unusually for Mr Foster, it seemed to be a love song. There was a girl, and he loved her. He loved her, but they only had a year. For everything there is a season. That was what Kristoff always said. Well, she supposed it was no wonder she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

[They say

For everything there is a season

However many or how few

But if we only have a season

At least I spent this one with you]

She was going to cry. She concentrated on the words to try and avoid it.

[Your hair is honey in the sunlight

Your kisses honey on my lips]

Kristoff had said that. Something like that. Hadn’t he?

[When I come home and you’re not waiting for me 

Your sweet smile is what I’ll miss]

[They say

For everything there is a season

However many or how few

But if we only have a season, Anna

At least I spent this one with you]

Anna sat bolt upright in her seat. Did he say her name? She was imagining it. She…

...she knew Kristoff wasn’t John Foster; she’d seen John Foster perform. But she also knew that he didn’t write his own songs, there had been a heated discussion about that online that she’d avoided, because what did it matter? The songs themselves mattered. She hadn’t given much thought to who the songwriter actually was.

Except that she was married to him. That’s how he’d got the tickets to the concert, why he already knew the tune, how he made his money. And he’d written her a love song. His first love song.

No. She’d lied to him - however unintentionally - and it was a good idea for a song. It was a nice song; he was a talented man. She hoped the people of the world loved it and he made a heap of money, which he deserved, for putting up with her all this time.

But. He’d written her a love song.

She hadn’t let herself think about her feelings for Kristoff. Because she knew what they were. She’d known for a long time. If things had been different, if she’d met him otherwise - well, who knew how that might have gone. Maybe he’d have tired of her, anyway. Maybe she’d still have ended up alone, no matter how much she loved him.

Anna swallowed hard, and stared out of the window, watching the trees give way to houses, until they pulled up outside Elsa’s door. Anna’s door.

The taxi driver helped her get everything out of the boot and carry it up to the door. Anna tipped him well, found her old door key in the bottom of her handbag and let herself in.

No one noticed her, for a little while. She brought everything inside and started to carry it up to her bedroom, which was exactly as she’d left it. Anna wondered if it had been left for her deliberately, if Elsa had thought she might come back; or if no one had thought about it at all.

She was putting away some of her clothes when Elsa appeared in the doorway. “Anna?” she said. “Why are you here?”

“Because I’m not going to die,” Anna said, sat down on her bed, and burst into tears.

-----

Elsa clearly didn’t know what to do, but she sat down next to Anna and patted her on the shoulder, which is more than Anna would have expected. She listened while Anna told her the full story - or most of it - and she only said ‘Why didn’t you get a second opinion?’ once and ‘I wish you’d told me’ twice, which to Anna was acceptable.

“I’d actually been meaning to come and see you,” Elsa said, after they’d sat in silence together for a long moment. “I wanted to tell you something.”

“Tell me what?” said Anna, taking a whole handful of tissues and blowing her nose.

“I bought Bennett’s Field.”

“What? For what?”

Elsa hesitated, and looked at her hands. “The council has been looking for sites for a new country park. I bought the land to donate it. I thought - if you agree - we could combine it with the land we already own.”

Anna stared at her, mouth open. Then she said “That sounds wonderful.”

“I know that - you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. I didn’t know how to be your guardian. I knew I wasn’t doing a good job, but I had no idea how to fix it.”

“It’s okay,” Anna said, automatically.

“No it isn’t.”

“We can start again. From now. As adults.”

“I’d like that.” They sat side by side for a while. “I haven’t even met your husband,” Elsa said.

Anna sniffed. “He won’t be my husband much longer.”

Elsa squeezed her hand. “You never know.”

-----

The doorbell rang at almost eleven that night, as Anna was contemplating going to bed. She didn’t want to climb into those white sheets, alone, but it had to be done; she’d put everything away, tidied it all neatly, had a long hot shower, and now going to bed was the only thing remaining. Until the doorbell rang. Elsa answered it.

“May I speak to my wife, please?”

Anna stopped at the sound of his voice, and listened, but Elsa’s reply was inaudible. Anna leant on the wall and peered round to try and see down the stairs.

“I just need to talk to her. I think - there’s been a misunderstanding. My fault. Is she here? Please?”

Anna walked out of the hallway and onto the top stair. Kristoff was standing just outside the front door, and when he saw her he stepped forward; Elsa moved backward to let him into the house. She glanced at them both, then shut the front door behind him and disappeared into the living room. Anna barely noticed her leave. Kristoff was standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking at her with an expression on his face that she couldn’t place.

“You can come up,” she said, for want of anything else to say. “Um. If you like.” She didn’t wait for him to reach her, but walked slowly into her bedroom.

“This is your room?” was what he said when he joined her.

“Yes.”

He nodded, slowly. Now that he was here he seemed to not be able to think what to say.

“Kristoff,” Anna said, “Are you a musician? A songwriter?”

He smiled, lopsided. “Yes.”

“I heard your song. On the radio.”

He nodded. “I knew it was being released today. I was going to play it for you yesterday, on your birthday. And tell you everything. Then I was going to do it today, but I got home and you weren’t there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“About the songwriting?” He shrugged. “At first just because I knew you’d want to meet John and he and I don’t really get on. He’s a bit of a dick, to be honest. The record company matched us up, we aren’t friends.”

“But you don’t mind him recording your songs?”

Kristoff shrugged again. “They’re all just nonsense.”

“No, they aren’t. Kristoff, you don’t know what they meant to me, those songs, when I was alone and miserable. They’re wonderful.”

“The only one I care about is the one I wrote for you.”

He took both her hands in his. “I read your letter. You’re not going to die?”

“No. No more than anyone else, anyway.”

He squeezed her hands and she looked up to see him beaming at her. “Come home,” he said. 

“You don’t want me to do that. You don’t have to be polite.”

“I’m not.”

“I can’t come back,” Anna said. “And we have to get a divorce. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. We can be friends. But I know you only married me because you felt sorry for me and wanted to help me out. And I can’t stay married to someone who doesn’t love me, no matter how I might feel about them. It isn’t fair.”

Kristoff nodded and let her hands fall. “That’s my fault,��� he said. “That you think that. Alright, yes - I married you because I knew you’d be miserable if you went home, and I thought I could help you. I thought you’d stay until you got your money, then you’d be off, and I was okay with that.”

Anna opened her mouth, but he wasn’t finished. “I didn’t love you then,” he continued. “Though I liked you well enough. And by the end of the summer I realised I was falling for you - but I remembered that you were going to die. And I couldn’t - I tried, I tried to stop myself. I told myself it was nothing. But my god, when I saw that train bearing down on you, I knew that I loved you. You have to believe me.”

He was so very earnest, that was the thing. He had never lied to her; looking into his eyes, she knew he wasn’t lying now.

“I love you,” she said. Kristoff smiled. He put his hand in his jacket pocket, and pulled out the ring Anna had last seen on her letter, on the table. He held it out to her in his open hand.

“Then come home,” he said.

And Anna realised that the only thing stopping her was the little voice in her brain saying that it was too easy. It was too right. How ludicrous, to have something you wanted so much offered to you freely, by someone who desperately wanted you to take it. But how wonderful.

Until her dying day - many, many years in the future - Anna never forgot the expression on Kristoff’s face as she took the ring from his hand and put it on. Never forgot how it felt when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, knowing that this time, it really was forever.

-----

Anna woke, and it was so comfortable and familiar that it took her a few minutes to remember everything that had happened over the last couple of days. But she was home; this was home. Forever.

Something was unfamiliar, though. She could hear two men, talking. She got up, put on her dressing gown, and opened the bedroom door.

The back door was open, and the conversation was happening just outside it.

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” one man was saying. “Either just put it in the bathroom as it is or knock through here. Or could use that space for a shower. I’ll do you a couple of quotes, if you like.”

“That’d be great, thanks.” That was Kristoff.

“Lovely spot you’ve got here. Can see why you don’t want to move.”

“We’re fond of it.”

“You know,” the other man - a builder? A plumber? - said, “This floorplan, what most people do, is put some stairs in and convert the loft. You can probably get two bedrooms up there, or a nice master suite. Keep one bedroom downstairs if you want. That storage building, it’s brick, right?”

“Breeze block,” Kristoff said.

“So it’s a permanent part of the existing building, right, you could get planning to add that onto the house. Might not even need planning permission. You could get three bedrooms in here, easy, without having to make the actual building any bigger, except maybe some dormers in the roof. Up to you, of course. Depends how much space you think you’re going to need. Just the two of you, is it?”

“At the moment, yes. Though that’s certainly something to think about.”

“I’ll put together a rough estimate on that as well if you like. You don’t want to have to move when you have kids. Lovely spot.”

“That’s very true. Though right now I mainly don’t want to spend another winter listening to my wife complain about how cold the loo seat is.”

Anna laughed, and Kristoff looked over at her and smiled. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Anna said; and it was. The first, best morning of the rest of her life.

[ladyshandioftheendless]

Shandi’s StarTerror Saga 7!

The wonderful ideas just keep coming!! I think I’m sticking with only this story until it’s done!!

~Shandi

Even though Paul and Gene have escaped their pursuers for now, the rest of KISS isn’t so lucky..

MAKE ME FEEL AGAIN Part 7

“I don’t need your ‘magic’. I never miss.” 

“Your targets are not normal humans. You will need my spells on your bullets. Trust me~” 

Duff scoffed to himself, spitting out his spent cigarette while he watched his targets through his scope. “Normal or not, if I nail it through the head it’s gonna die.” Luckily both the targets were currently in the same hotel room. That made things easier. Izzy and Steven had gone inside only a short time ago, so it wouldn’t be long before they struck. He watched closely as Steven easily deceived his way inside, then he and Izzy went in for the kill. The couldn’t use their guns of course. Who made silencers for revolvers after all? Due to this the targets couldn’t be taken out right away, and fuck if they weren’t putting up one hell of a fight. With the added advantage of having weird ass magic like their mysterious benefactor. “Fuck this shit.” he said, aiming for the smaller target first and firing. 

“ERIC!!” 

Eric didn’t even have time to react before Vinnie was in front of him and being struck by something, knocking them both onto the floor. Always prepared, Izzy took out his knife and opened it, preparing to cut Eric’s throat. “One down..one to go..” 

“Izzy, we gotta go!” 

“I’m not done yet.” He was suddenly pulled back by Steven grabbing his shoulder. “C’mon! There’s a little brat crying next door and that’s bound to alert someone! Let’s go!!” After staring straight into Eric’s fear filled eyes for a few seconds, Izzy grunted in annoyance and followed his partner out the door. Eric struggled to keep himself from panicking when he realized Vinnie wasn’t moving. “V-Vinnie..?” 

No answer. 

“Vinnie..please wake up..please..?” 

No movement. 

“VINNIE!?” 

Duff continued to watch through his scope, irritated that he couldn’t get a clear shot at the remaining target’s head. “Of all the shitty ass luck!!” As he lit another cigarette, Izzy and Steven joined him. “What the fuck happened?” Izzy scoffed and lit his own cigarette. “Stevie pussed out.” 

“I did not! It was gettin’ too hot for us in there and I made a judgment call!”

“Speakin’ of too hot..” 

The Assassins watched as chaotic flames burst through all of the windows of the targets’ room. “Looks like you made a good call after all, Stevie.” Duff picked up his rifle and placed it back in its case. “Time for us to make tracks.” 

“TREASURE!!!!!!” 

Paul shielded Eric from the flames as Gene roared in despair, holding his husband’s unconscious body with tears streaming down his face. Now in his Unleashed Demon form the flames rose even higher, consuming everything around them. 

“DEMON, STOP!!” Paul yelled, holding a trebling Eric close to him. “YOU’RE GOING TO DESTROY THIS PLACE!!” 

“DO YOU THINK I CARE?! I WILL MAKE THAT HUMAN FILTH PAY FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE!! THEY WILL BURN!!” 

“BUT AYESHA IS STILL IN THE OTHER ROOM!! DO YOU WANT TO KILL HER TOO?!” 

The loud cries of his precious daughter echoed in Demon’s ears. How? How had he forgotten? His flames died down slowly as he regained his composure. He gathered Vinnie’s body in his arms and headed for the door. “We are returning to KISSteria.” Paul nodded, helped Eric to his feet and followed. In the next room, Ayesha started screaming as Paul picked her up. Demon narrowed his eyes. “She’s never done that before. She knows something’s not right.” Paul closed his eyes and started to glow brightly, changing back into his normal form. “Gods, she’s right. That dark energy you saw earlier tonight is growing in Vinneketh’s body. If it’s not stopped it will consume him!” Fox covered his face with his hands. “That bullet was meant for me..he saved me..if he dies...I..” 

“He won’t.” StarChild reassured him. “Vinneketh’s magic has always been stronger than all of ours combined. We won’t lose him so quickly. Still, he must be taken to the Sisterhood right away. They may know what can be done. And I will contact his Master.” Nodding, Demon raised his flames once more, transporting them back to KISSteria. After placing Ayesha back in her crib, Demon went off to the Sisterhood’s Temple while StarChild and Fox went to the Lower Star Chamber. 

“StarChild...what’s going on..?” 

“I wish I knew. I don’t understand who would want us dead. We have done nothing to make enemies.” 

“What about your..friend..?” 

“Nikki? I...I don’t know...” 

Fox frowned. He never liked those words. Especially in a situation like this. “I think you two need to have a serious talk.” 

“I..I think you’re right..” 

To be Continued!!