#but he should also shut the fuck up
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You know, as much as I mock, and I joke, and I tease, and I yell, and I insult, and I just kinda slander Solas, I do hope he gets a happy ending. I'm rooting for him despite him being a little shit who thinks he knows what's best for literally everyone in Thedas. Asshole.
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age veilguard#solas dragon age#solas#like i know for a fact that i would adore being his friend in real life#i could listen to him talk about the fade for hours#hes so interesting and kind and caring#but he should also shut the fuck up#ya know?#i see him look sad and i just want to hug him#seeing him smile makes me happy#the first thing my Inquisitor would say to Solas when she sees him is “are you okay?”#she would run and hug him if he just forgave himself and said sorry#and i agree#but also i want to slap that egg across the face#god i hope theres an ending where hes happy
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genuinely would love for some of the "both parties are the same" people to name me a single election in the entirety of the twenty first century where the outcome for the country wouldn't have been better if a democrat had won
#personal#like come on we all know shit would have been amazingly better if the supreme court hadn't couped al gore#kerry would have also been infinitely better than bush too#i'm very glad we got two years of obama rather than a mccain presidency or a romney presidency#and honestly if you think hillary would have been worse than trump or that biden has been worse than trump#or that kamala will somehow be worse than trump 2.0 as he attempts to install himself as fascist dictator for life#you're not a serious person and shouldn't be allowed outside without an adult and also should probably get smacked in the head#with a cast iron pan#every american presidential election for my entire life has very obviously been 'the democrat is infinitely better than the republican'#and has only gotten moreso as i've grown up#hell every election in general is still showing that dems are better than republicans#democrats control the house? they get stuff down#republicans control the house? they go to recess early and are legit gearing up to shut down the government in october#(of an ELECTION YEAR god please let republicans singlehandedly shut down the government a month before election day)#(as a republican tries to take back the white house please god it would be so fucking funny to watch them deal with that)#but like yeah literally vote blue no matter who because i've been alive for twenty five whole years#and in those twenty five years never once has the republican been remotely the better option or even the 'lesser of two evils' option
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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kon doodles ive been doing as i finish this episode :3
#practicing kon so like when i do ref 4 artfight i dont cry :D#also i just rlly like drawing kon…..#i gave him the same expression FUCK IGNORE THAT#removing pieces of his suit even tho u cant tell#BC ITS SUMMERR GIVE THE GUY MORE SUN!!!#supers should show more skin#yk what fuck u tell u my hc#when he got in2 tt he talked w/star & got a new suit shut up#also i gave him a skirt in this bc its fun#i dint change much but yk……#shhfkkgmgkke#im just doodling :3#puppee art#kontent#should i tag?? i dont rlly wannaa#i just dont want 2 flood tags EVERR#but like i kinda like these sketxhes so…..#kon el#superboy#pls dont kill me#tyy
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back in the fucking volcano you go
#he's incapable of letting me like him for longer than 10 mins at a time#spn#liveblog tag#7.07#also shut the fuck up @ the narrative sam SHOULD stay angry at him are you kidding me
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not to beat a dead horse but there's something kind of illuminating and warmie yet sad about the fact that Taylor's parents are attending Travis' game with her and regularly. I know the "you never saw--" joke is old, but the idea that [redacted]'s family did actually occasionally attend events with Taylor (including at what it seems may have been a difficult time), but after a certain point she herself didn't/couldn't attend his in turn, never mind her family, and it's just a testament to how different things are now, how different her life is, and frankly how integrated their family life has become. Idk I'm just really happy for popstar bestie because I feel like this is probably everything she ever wanted and didn't know she could have at one point.
#i should probably delete this lol#like-- he just wanted nothing to do with her in public#I know we've said it a million ways and it's more nuanced than that#and we know how hurtful that was *for her*#(again even though it was more nuanced than that on the page)#but I keep thinking of her parents in situations like this because they had to watch it happen#and now they've got a regular spot at their son in law's event and they're embraced in the fold idk#(shut up I'm using the term in a general sense miss me with the legalities bla bla bla)#(I'm sorry but that's what they all are to each other for all intents and purposes now)#like it goes both ways: it shows how serious she and [redacted] were and how much his family considered her one of their own#but by the same token how difficult it must have been for her to keep herself (and her family) so separate from anything having to do#with him in the name of propriety or rules or whatever the fuck else#like the breakup is obviously the two people involved but it's also breaking up an entire support system idk
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If there are a million Reeve Carney as Orpheus fans in the world, I am one of them. If there are only two Reeve Carney as Orpheus fans in the world, I am one of them (Eva Noblezada is the other). If there are no Reeve Carney as Orpheus fans in the world, Eva Noblezada and I are dead 😔
#hadestown#hadestown obc#reeve carney#eva noblezada#seriously im sick and fucking tired of the reeve carney hate on tiktok#'jordan fisher is the only orpheus that matters' 'jordan fisher shouldve originated orpheus on bway'#'they should replace the obc recording with jordan fisher' 'jordan fisher was the best thing to ever happen to hadestown'#shut up!!!!!!!#i adore jordan fisher but you are missing the point of theatre and hating on reeve in the process!!!!!#you can have a favorite but that doesnt mean the actors who are not your favorite shouldnt exist in that role!!!!!#but also your favorite is wrong!!!!#reeve carney brought more autistic swag to orpheus than anyone could possibly recreate!!!#he was naive he was soft spoken he was unaware of social expectations!!!!!#jordan fisher has such a raw powerful voice and thats not what orpheus needs!!!!! hes just a lil guy!!!!#hes just a lil guy who accidentally had a battle of the bands with the devil and won#because he has nothing in his brain except sing and love his girlfriend!!!!!#i love jordan fisher in everything ive ever seen him in and i adore his voice but please stop putting other actors down#im not a huge fan of the way jonjon briones plays hermes but im not out here talking shit about him!!@#or saying he should never have had the part in the first place#(btw i was joking about the 'your favorite is wrong' thing because - again - literally defeats the point of theatre)#please find ways to say that jordan fisher is your favorite without putting reeve carney down#and also please give reeve carney a chance and dont dismiss him just because he is less conventionally attractive#and hip in popular media and on social media#please give the role a chance for what it is and not just which actor you already like#i was pissed when i first found out they were taking damon daunno out for the obc and adding reeve#the only thing id ever seen or heard him in at that point was the live action rocky horror with laverne cox#and he was fucking riffraff#i was mad!!! i didnt think he could do it!!! but i love the show and i gave him a chance and now hes my all time favorite#between both touring casts ive seen and the pre bway cast recording and jordan fisher#just please stop being mean and give him a chance
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if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels
not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice
#This is targeted at anyone who vilifies Gon from hxh or Homura from pmmm#”Gon was manipulative towards Killua and took advantage of him” shut up shut the fuck up#”Homura never actually cared about any of the other girls she only cared about Madoka” never touch the internet ever again you absolute idi#I’m sorry that some of you incells can’t understand moral complexity or that characters can’t always be 100% good all the time#they were kids#they were only 14#At the same time saying stuff like this is actively undermining both Gon and Homuras characters but also Killua and Madokas as well#Killua and Gons friendship was kinda toxic from the beginning. They were each others first ever friends#and they didn’t really know how to have any#Gon was literally having a mental breakdown confronting the person who killed the closest thing he had ever had to a father#can you really blame him for lashing out???#And Homura#don’t get me started on the amount of idiots in the pmmm fandom who think she’s evil because he did what she thought was best for Madoka#she heard Madoka say she was unhappy being a god and how lonely she was and she took action#if she didn’t care about the other girls then WHY DID THE CLARA DOLLA DRAG THEM INTO HER LABYRINTH???#WHY DID SHE MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL HAPPY WHEN SHE REWROTE THE UNIVERSE??#she tried for years to save Madoka just to fail when she made her final wish to become a god#imagine how she felt when she realized she wasn’t happy with that outcome either#when she realized she was all alone#she just wanted for her to be happy.#i swear to god#if you think either Gon or Homura are evil you might as well just block me now#because I fully believe you should not be allowed internet access#rant#rant post#pmmm#madoka magica#homura akemi#puella magi madoka magica#madoka kamane
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Fish, 7 (For your prompts! ❤️)
Hi, anon!! Thank you for the prompt, you were the very first one to send one in! 7 was, again, the wildcard, so I randomly generated a different number to land on Yue Qingyuan (from Scum Villain)! I have no choice but to dedicate this to @bytedykes, because I told her about this prompt and she said “yqy pet fish mental health speedrun” and we went, uh, a little insane about it. Enjoy some yuefang, folks!!!!
“Mu-xiong,” Yue Qingyuan says. “I’m sorry to bother you. Are you available?”
“Yue-xiong is never a bother,” Mu Qingfang says warmly. “And I am, actually, yes. Is everything okay, Yue-xiong?”
“I think I need help.” A bit dramatic, perhaps, and Yue Qingyuan hates to trouble Mu Qingfang on a rare day off, but Yue Qingyuan and impulse have never been the best combination, and he would appreciate a second opinion.
Mu Qingfang’s voice turns hard. “Where are you? I'll come right away.”
“What—?” Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone like the blank call screen will tell him why Mu Qingfang suddenly sounds so serious. “I'm at home, but—”
“I'll be right there,” Mu Qingfang says, and hangs up.
Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone for another second, then lifts his gaze to his sparkling new aquarium. His new betta, white and black and resplendent of fin, stares back. Was his crisis of faith about his viability as a fish owner really so deserving of such urgency…?
—
“So,” Mu Qingfang says. “This was your emergency?” He looks about as unimpressed by the betta as it does by the two of them.
Yue Qingyuan feels obscurely like he’s being scolded. Mu Qingfang is one of the nicest men he knows, but that just means that his censure takes the form of a blunt instrument of mass disappointment.
“In my defense,” he points out meekly, “I didn’t say there was an emergency. Mu-xiong just assumed.”
“That’ll teach me,” Mu Qingfang huffs, but at least he looks amused. “Yue-xiong should get used to asking for help more so this gege doesn’t have to panic every time he does ask.”
Yue Qingyuan’s mouth almost drops open. He can only hope his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. “Er—well, I asked this time, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Mu Qingfang allows, looking something horribly close to fond. Yue Qingyuan swallows and tries to hurry on.
“So—not an emergency, but I do want your opinion,” he coughs out. “I’m having… doubts. About the fish.” Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows contract. Yue Qingyuan rushes it out. “Do you think I should keep it?”
“Yue-xiong…” Mu Qingfang looks politely incredulous. “Why does my opinion matter? The fish is already yours, isn’t it? If you don’t think maintaining its upkeep will be feasible, that’s one thing, but… Surely Yue-xiong did the research before getting it?”
He doesn’t sound judgemental, but Yue Qingyuan feels his cheeks warm. “I did, but I wasn’t planning on getting a fish; I was only admiring the tanks. There was a salesperson who was… very insistent.”
Mu Qingfang regards him doubtfully, which is fair. Yue Qingyuan towers over most people he meets, and his bulk only further adds to the impression of immovability. It’s only when he opens his mouth that it becomes clear how spineless he actually is.
Yue Qingyuan falters. “I had thought… I thought it might be nice.” The bettas had seemed so majestic in their tanks, iridescent monarchs of false grass and plastic coves, and Yue Qingyuan had thought, wildly, that one might be rewarding to keep, might breathe a touch of life into his immaculately sleek living room. The whole affair hadn’t even been expensive by his shiny new standards, forget difficult to physically arrange. It was only when installation and set-up for his new aquarium had finished and he was left to watch that jewel-bright being swim disaffectedly through its new home that doubt had seized him, all-consuming and black. He had, admittedly, panicked a little after that.
(Yue Qingyuan’s apartment is very large, and very clean, and very empty. It holds the barest amount of decoration and muss to qualify as lived-in rather than a snapshot from a magazine ad. The fish may, in fact, be the only thing in the entire place which really qualifies as his. No wonder Yue Qingyuan wanted to jettison it from his life as soon as he got it.)
Mu Qingfang’s expression hovers between concern and simple confusion. “I’m sure Yue-xiong will be a more than adequate caretaker,” he says, more gently than Yue Qingyuan and all his neuroses probably deserve. “What’s this really about, Yue-xiong?”
Ah. There it is. Being the mildest person of Yue Qingyuan’s admittedly sharp-tongued social circle doesn’t preclude Mu Qingfang’s wit from being as keen as the scalpels he works with.
“I don’t…” Yue Qingyuan falters. How to express to Mu Qingfang how manifestly unfit Yue Qingyuan is to care for any living creature at all? He changes tack. “I think he hates me,” he admits dolefully.
Mu Qingfang stares at him for a long time, long enough to imply that he’s reevaluating certain opinions about Yue Qingyuan’s intelligence. “Yue-xiong, with all due respect to your new pet—it’s a fish.”
“Fish have emotions!” Yue Qingyuan argues. He flushes at the volume at which it comes out, and at the way Mu Qingfang’s eyes go wide-eyed in startlement. But the salesperson had been very insistent about that, as well. “Bettas are intelligent animals. They dislike certain colors, apparently, and they’re very sensitive—ah, to environmental disruptions, that is. And—”
Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows are still high, but his face has relaxed into a smile. “It sounds to me like you like it quite a bit already. Isn’t that reason enough to keep it?” His tone curls with sudden mischief. “Have heart, Yue-xiong—you’ve hardly known each other for a day! Give it time to adjust to you, and I’m sure you’ll win it over as surely as you do everyone else.” And he grins, sure and easy in his trust that Yue Qingyuan won’t fumble and shatter something so small and monumental as a life that he could cup in his palms.
While Yue Qingyuan is still dazed by that, Mu Qingfang’s eyes alight with interest. “Ah, Yue-xiong—what have you named it?”
“...”
Mu Qingfang’s face falls as devastatingly as it had lit up. “Yue-xiong…”
“Mu-xiong is aware that I was unsure of whether or not I’d keep him!” Yue Qingyuan is terribly aware that his ears are now heating up to match his cheeks. Mu Qingfang’s ensuing laughter does not help with that matter.
Yue Qingyuan is not very good at holding onto things. More often than not, he makes a mess of whatever he’s set his clumsy hands to, lets it fall right through his scarred fingers. But Mu Qingfang’s words ring through his head: Isn’t that reason enough to keep it? And, well, isn’t it? Surely Yue Qingyuan is adult enough to follow through on this. Maybe happiness can be look like his new betta swimming up to the tank to observe the new colorful form moving in front of it, can come as easy as Mu Qingfang quipping that his knowledge about fish is clearly lacking and vowing casually to read up on bettas to be a better fish uncle.
Yue Qingyuan buries a smile and walks over to let Mu Qingfang know that bettas can be trained to follow fingers around. The betta’s clear preference for Mu Qingfang over Yue Qingyuan is as good a marker of intelligence as any fun fact the pet shop worker could have given him. Yes, Yue Qingyuan thinks with a smile—he thinks he’ll be keeping this after all.
#yqy in canon: i make impulsive decisions of a scale where they torpedo my entire life#me: got it. in a modern au he makes expensive impulse purchases and then returns them immediately after#bc he can't conceptualize doing things for himself and also has no idea how to spend all his money he doesn't know what to do with#(this is suchh a vague modern au lmao like mqf is obv still a doctor#but i didn't write yqy as his boss here and am not sure what he does in this world or why he's rich now#and i have no idea who the fucking pet shop salesperson was either. i think it's sqh though)#don't worry about it okay? just enjoy the yuefang and the fruits of my and nik's agenda to make all our fave sect leaders fish owners#i personally see mqf as older than yqy! in this au he thinks he could be really into yqy#but he respects that yqy doesn't seem to be looking for a relationship (and that he has some shit going on that he hasn't seen fit to share#with mqf yet)#so he's content to stick to some mild flirting while enjoying their friendship#meanwhile yqy is totally divorced from the concept of attraction (directed at or coming from him)#so he panics every time mqf flirts with him but has no fucking idea that that's actually what's happening on either end#they would be so good together :)) mqf is going to be such a good fish co-parent :)) this fish is going to get these two together okay :)))#the betta is a black dragon/orchid; i couldn't decide so it's up to you#writing this was kinda funny bc the fish could and probably should have been a metaphor for sj#but i wanted to write smth yqy-centric that didn't directly allude to him even once#and i succeeded!!!#the entire reason i wrote this as modern au was bc i thought of mqf calling yqy 'yue-xiong' and went insane btw#OKAY SHUTTING UP NOW. THANK YOU AGAIN ANON!!!!!#asks#anonymous#my writing#svsss#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#yuefang#yqy tag
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EDIT: just realized that i should clarify something. what i meant by "feel bad for nie huaisang :(" was that jiang cheng felt bad for nie huaisang after nie mingjue died, because having to assume the burden of sect leadership while still grieving was something jiang cheng understood as well.
that poll option does NOT mean "jiang cheng thinks nie mingjue is abusing nie huaisang" or whatever. i should have made that clearer and i'm only realizing now my phrasing was in fact Dogshitte. i'm sorry.
#mdzs#jiang cheng#nie mingjue#do you ever think about how. after wwx fucked off with the wens. all the other sect leaders started grilling jiang cheng#who wasn't even there when wwx threatened everyone?? he had to figure out what happened from context#judging from the narration it seems like that was the first night in a long time he was able to go to sleep on time too#instead of pulling another all-nighter. and then this shit.#and when jc tried to argue that he and wwx did owe the wen siblings a debt for saving them#nmj shut him down immediately. “their family killed your parents. where is your filial duty?” an entirely reasonable view given the setting#but also. damn. rip. jc you were a teenage leader with zero experience. no one should expect you to stand up to them. sorry dude#if i were jc that would color my perception of nmj and the rest of them for a while#also if i were jc. and i was co-raising my only nephew with my co-sibling-in-law i dont know that well#and his sworn brother flipped his shit and yeeted him down the stairs. well i would be a lot more worried about my nephew's safety#given that my nephew is spending half his time in jinlintai!!! jiggy keep chifeng-zun away from him!!!!!#who knows maybe they covered up the stairs incident. even though it happened in broad daylight.#yanyan polls#these tags ended up being kind of negative so i think ill forgo the ship tag this time
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this isnt a poll submission thingie i just needed to make sure you (the mod of this blog) knew about the only good reylo fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/5457191
okay that made me snort
#fic asks#haveyoureadthisfic#pollblr#internet culture#fandom culture#fanfic#I will never shut up about how rey should have died#it would have been better from a story perspective#first of all they set up the force healing thing as if it was some sort of unique ability#and then ben can fucking do it too??#also#it would've been better if rey#who at this point had been established as basically a folk hero#died#and left all her friends reeling#and the main antagonist of the series#is left with the guilt of everything he's done#and the anger of everyone who's left#the only people in the world who ever believed in him are gone#and he's left picking up the pieces#some people are kind to him in the name of rey and leia's memory#but some openly despise him#idk I just think it would be cool
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Hershel is actually the only character I've ever projected my dpdr onto. Idk, it fits him really well imo. Des' PTSD gives him uncontrollable fits of anger, Layton's makes him dissociate.
For those uninitiated:
#professor layton#hershel layton#desmond sycamore#jean descole#bronev bros#like I feel when you throw either into a traumatic situation at this point#des gets very proactive - FIGHT out of fight flight freeze - and channels all of his stress and fear into aggression#if he gets triggered you will KNOW because he will react very badly. and it's often embarassing for him but he's also pretty defensive#meanwhile you genuinely can't know with Layton because people attribute it to him being unflappable#something DEEPLY upsetting happens to him and he's weirdly on top of things and seems to be coping super well. but he's also kind of spacey#and doesn't seem to grasp the enormity of what he's experiencing or how fucked up it is or how he maybe SHOULD be reacting#and at some point probly he has to admit to someone that for a long time now his brain sometimes just shuts off and he stops feeling himself#the world kind of breaks down around him and becomes surreal and he's always tried to hide it so he doesn't upset anyone#it started with big things but sometimes happens in response to small#on bad days it can even be a child crying/screaming or certain names#emmy can give him a big hug#rambling over lol
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Chapter 23
ohhh baby we back in it now
SEE HERE FOR GENERAL WARNINGS AND FIC SUMMARY
Some pre-chapter notes:
byakuya pov finally
bonus headcanon coming into play here: byakuya being Wasian
shoutout @digitaldollsworld for helping me conceptualize byakuya's mom! both of us are Sick about her
Content warning tags: wall-punching, grieving/mourning, unreality (dreaming)
< previous - from start - next >
There’s a woman standing in his office.
Byakuya stands behind the cracked-open doorway, peeking through - though, part of him does rile up with the indignity of having to spy into his own office - at the intruder, standing in front of his desk, back facing the door.
He can’t see her face. But he can see her flax-yellow hair, tied back with a wrinkled, silken scarf that’s probably the most expensive thing she’s wearing. Her cotton jumpsuit is so stained and faded that hardly any of the original blue is still there. Her canvas shoes are discolored with mud.
She would look more out of place, if the shabbiness of her hadn’t seeped into her surroundings. The carpet is splattered with crusted clay, and shards of stone stick out of the plush threads like thorns. The mahogany surface of his desk is creaking and bent under the weight of a large cube of fleshy, white marble, splintering under the lacquer.
As he watches, she lifts her bare hands - ugly, roughened, thickly muscled fingers, nails cracked and filthy - like a conductor before an orchestra. She pauses, head tilted like a bird, thinking, and Byakuya inexplicably finds himself holding his breath; and then, she places her palms against the stone.
The surface of it warps and distends beneath her touch, first like a swollen balloon, and then like clay, twisting and following her hands like a swimming fish. And he watches, fascinated despite himself, as she bends and shapes it, twisting pieces off, smoothing edges down. She pinches out a piece in the middle for a nose, smoothes down a sharp edge for a sloping curve of a cheek, flicks her nail sharply beneath the brow to pull out a crease for an eyelid.
It’s magic. In seemingly no time at all, there on his desk is a bust; the head of a man brought to life, caught in a soft, gentle expression. The sculptor pauses, and steps backwards to take in her work.
There’s something reverent about it, and Byakuya suddenly has the feeling that he’s witnessing something not meant for him to see.
But he creaks the door open slightly more to get a better look, finding it strange how he was more curious than angry, even despite the intrusion. As he approaches, the bust’s eyes suddenly flick towards him, and immediately the serenity is replaced by a solemn, pinched brow, the smile replaced by a severe slash of a frown. And Byaukuya realizes he recognizes this face.
The marble-wrought head of Kijo Togami is sitting on his desk, scowling at him.
“Byakuya?”
He turns to the woman. She’s facing him now, though she has no face to speak of - it is blurred and unfocused, like a distant background character of an impressionist oil painting, the features mere shifting smears against a flat plane - but he knows her. He knows her.
“Byakuya,” She repeats, the syllables awkward on her tongue. She’s speaking French, and she sounds distant. Muted, underwater. But her voice still has the same, oddly musical quality to it that he remembers, making everything she said sound like a lullaby. “Bijou. Did I not tell you to stay out of my studio?”
Her studio?
“This is my office.” He protests back. He can’t tell if he’s speaking Japanese or not; every word feels clumsy and foreign, like he’s just learned how to talk. “What are you doing here, Mother?”
She just sighs. Shakes her head, her featureless face. There’s no anger in it, no loving exasperation either; just a neutral disapproval of his presence. His unwanted existence in her space. “Bijou,” She says again, and the nickname irritates him. A sweet-sounding endearment that was ultimately empty, a placeholder for her to refer to him by, because his own name was too clumsy to speak with her accent. “When did you become so grown? When will you stop being so cold?”
The stone Kijo Togami is still frowning at him. In this instant, both the man he calls ‘Father’ and the woman who had birthed him - one painfully-detailed stone, the other indistinct flesh - stand before him. One silent and forever displeased, the other sweet but hollow-sounding and entirely uncaring that they shared any blood at all.
“How strange it is, that you look so much like me,” She sighs, raising a hand to his face. He flinches away from it, the sandpaper sharpness of her palms, the filth that stains the creases of her skin, the heat that comes off of it like a kiln. “And yet, you are so much like him.”
—
He wakes up with a gasp, eyes snapping open.
He’s greeted with the pitch darkness of his ceiling, cut through with a thin slash of white from his bathroom light, streaming through the cracked-open door. A reminder he had taken to preparing for himself before he went to bed, that his eyes were still there, and he sighs and presses a palm to his chest as he stares up at it. Feeling his heart pounding beneath his fingertips, then slowing, in time with his breaths.
A dream. He can’t remember the last time he dreamed so vividly, but he had been subjected to some unpleasantly…shocking events the last few days (he won’t call them traumatic, he’s witnessed far worse in his life). The details of the dream are already slipping away as he tries to recall it, like sand between his fingers. It’s hardly important.
He lies in bed a moment longer, trying to see if sleep will come, but even with the adrenaline fading he’s wide-awake. Annoying, but not surprising, considering how he had spent much of the day before napping in short, fitful bursts. He pushes himself upright, reaching under his pillow for his handbook; may as well make use of the time.
The clock on his handbook reads: three AM. His neglected stomach gurgles as he squints at the dim glow of the screen, and he sighs. He hasn’t eaten since Celeste’s little tea party the day before, and he might as well go to the kitchen now. There likely wouldn’t be anyone wandering around to disturb him. And with Ishimaru gone, there was no one left to seriously uphold the nightly curfew; he drags himself out of bed with a grunt, grabbing his bathrobe off the end of his bedpost as he goes.
He’s not expecting the trap that he finds when he opens the door, however. The first step he takes past the threshold is accompanied by a loud, startling crunch, and he jumps backwards, just barely stifling a shriek. He throws his hand against the light switch, digging it into his palm as he flicks in on, and at once the yellow glow streaming from his room illuminates the something round, brown, and somewhat deflated sitting in the hallway.
For a moment, he thinks it's some kind of rodent, dead and trodden under his foot. But closer inspection reveals it to be packaged bread, only slightly crushed in its plastic wrapper. There’s no note, but he can guess who the offering is from.
He sighs, picks it up by the corner, and tosses it behind him towards his trash can as he leaves.
The hallways are dim, and almost silent if not for the dull hum of the school’s inner machinery. The whoosh of air conditioning, the muffled clang of pipes. None of the construction that Hagakure had reported days ago, not even when he strains his ears.
But he does catch the quiet murmur of conversation as he passes the bathhouse, and he pauses, staring at the light that streams from behind the curtain, the quick-flicker of shadows moving from inside.
“It wasn’t your fault!”
He freezes, standing just outside. That was Chihiro’s - no, Alter Ego’s - voice.
“I know Master wouldn’t resent you.” It continues, earnest and bright. “And based on my data…I don’t think Kiyotaka would blame you either!”
“But it was my fault,” Mondo’s voice is strained and hollow, grieving still. “If I hadn’t left them alone - if I’d tried to just talk to him -”
Byakuya shifts slightly. He doesn’t want to be here, to have to witness Mondo’s continued breakdown. He still hasn’t forgiven the other boy, but having to see him stuck in the depths of misery was…unpleasant. And he’s not so petty to want retribution while the target of his ire was in such a state.
He tiptoes past, giving the bathhouse entrance a wide berth. From inside, he hears more indistinct voices, one low and gravelly from crying, the other electronic and gentle. And then-
“Brother, what are you looking so down for?” This one was new, but chillingly familiar. Loud and overeager and belonging to someone who was supposed to be dead. “You-”
Crash.
The sound of crunching metal. In the quiet of the hallway, it’s as loud as an explosion, and it makes Byakuya jump. Before he can reconsider, he’s sprinting into the bathhouse, throwing aside the curtain.
It takes him a moment to process what he’s seeing. Owada is standing, partly-hunched, one hand punching against the wall of lockers hard enough to warp the thin metal door. Someone is standing beneath him hands raised in self-defense - it takes Byakuya a moment to recognize that it’s Makoto, dressed in the white and dark blue of his pajamas, lacking the signature green of his jacket - and from somewhere behind Makoto, there’s a dim, neon-green glow, and a confused, worried voice.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-!”
“Don’t do that,” Owada snarls, drowning out Alter Ego’s stuttered apology. The locker door rattles where his fist is pressed into it. “Don’t just- wear his face, don’t you dare-”
“M-Mondo, it didn’t mean to! It was just trying-” Makoto breaks off, apparently noticing Byakuya. “B-Byakuya-?!”
Byakuya was immediately beginning to regret his decision to involve himself in the first place. “What is going on here?” He demands, crossing his arms and glaring imperiously.
Instead of replying, Owada pulls away, withdrawing his hand and retreating to slump over on the bench, despondent and unresponsive once more. Makoto twitches, turning between Owada, then Alter Ego, and back to Byakuya. “Um…”
“It’s not their fault!” Alter Ego pipes up hurriedly, its voice echoing tinnily from inside its locker, and Byakuya could feel a corresponding vibration from the handbook tucked in his shirt pocket. “It seems Mondo wanted to ask me a question, and Makoto was just helping to convey that-”
“I don’t care.” He snaps, and Alter Ego falls silent. “Neither of them are supposed to be here in the first place, and especially not after hours. Are the two of you trying to draw Monokuma’s suspicion? Endanger Alter Ego?” Makoto flinches a bit at that. Owada doesn’t even move. “Don’t you care about getting out of here at all?”
He’s not really expecting a reply, so he’s surprised when Owada speaks up. “ ‘Course not.” He rasps, so low and hollow that it was like he was speaking from the depths of a pit. Or maybe he was the pit, swelling with black-matter misery. “I…don’t care about anything anymore.”
Well. That’s to be expected. But even despite that, he finds himself a bit rattled. He’s been at the receiving end of anger, venom, screaming anguish and even vehement hate at this point. But this emptiness Owada is exhibiting was new; It seems like this school is insistent on teaching me new things, he thinks, and feels his lip curling up with the bitter irony.
“So you’re content to waste away? Throw away that anger that you were so proud of?” He raises a scathing eyebrow. “Go ahead and do that, then. I won’t stop you. But at the very least, spare the rest of us the dramatics of your little episode.”
“Byakuya!”
He twitches a bit, irritated. Makoto’s voice is shrill despite being hushed, and laced with anger; he’s standing stiffly next to Alter Ego’s open locker, hands trembling at his sides.
“What, Makoto.” He snaps, and only belatedly realizes that this was the first time he’s actually spoken to the other boy since the trial; in his irritation, he went and broke his own self-imposed vow of silence against him.
He doesn’t respond immediately, but doesn’t immediately shrink away either at the acidity of Byakuya’s tone. If anything he stands up a little straighter. “It’s only been a day since…you know.” He says, and his words are slow and careful, meticulously chosen. Like he’s in a trial again, trying to soothe skittish tempers - though Byakuya feels the exact opposite of ‘soothed’ by it - “Mondo asked to talk to Alter Ego. I went with him. It got a little heated-”
“A little? Is that what you call this?” He points at the locker next to his head; the one that Mondo had punched, the dent a clear, dark blotch of shadow in the middle of the flat green surface.
“That -” Makoto winces slightly. “We weren’t really expecting-”
“No, clearly not. And not thinking either, I imagine.”
“I-”
“I suppose safety and logic took second priority over trying to be helpful, hm? Since that’s all that’s important to you?” He’s not sure where these words are coming from, filled with acid. But it feels good to talk, to spit out every miserable thing that he’s feeling, that he’s felt because of Makoto. “You were so very kind to help me during that trial, after all.”
“Okay, that’s not-”
“That must be why you’re here now, I imagine. Sneaking out at this late hour past Kyoko, just so you could babysit this useless mess.” He sneers. “Did you decide to make Mondo your next pet project, trying to be his little assistant like you were mine?”
“Oh, for-” Makoto takes a deep breath, presses his hands to his eyes. “Can you shut the fuck up?! For one second?”
Whatever else Byakuya was about to say, dissipates like smoke out of his slack-jawed mouth. Even Owada seems to twitch up at this, the only sign of surprise he could give, compared to Byakuya’s shock.
Makoto is quiet for a few seconds, and the only sound is the quiet hum of pipes, and the sound of his breathing, shaky but slow. He pulls his hands away from his face after one more shuddering breath. “Okay. I’m okay now.” He says this part quietly, as if it were more for himself than anyone else. Then:
“It’s not fair,” He addresses Byakuya, and his voice is almost steady. “I’m trying my best, I’m trying to keep us all alive.”
“Yes, and you’re doing-”
“No! Shut up! Just listen!” He snaps, and Byakuya’s teeth click as he shuts his mouth, effectively cutting off the rest of his sarcastic remark. “Right now, the best thing we can do is to survive together. We’re just going to play into the mastermind’s hands if we can’t trust each other. Why doesn’t anyone get that?!”
His voice actually cracks on the last syllable, and he sounds close to hysterics. Byakuya simply stares, dumbfounded for a moment, before:
“...You’re going to say that? After what just happened?” It’s so ridiculous he could almost laugh. Trust? In this school, in this game? After everything that’s happened? “We all trusted Ishimaru. Where did that get us? Where did that get Chihiro?”
No sooner has that name left his mouth, does he try to bite it back. Feeling all at once mortified that he would stoop so low, that he would let himself be pushed to such a level. But it’s too late to take it back - at the sound of those names, Owada jerks again, and Makoto actually takes a step backwards, as if struck - so Byakuya keeps going. “This isn’t some-some fairy tale where everyone can learn to get along by talking about our feelings. None of us have any unity left - if even Ishimaru can snap, then there’s no telling who might strike next.”
“Stop,” Makoto grits out. “Taka - it was an accident. Just a stupid accident.” And that was the worst part, wasn’t it? That none of this was supposed to happen at all; if the coincidences hadn’t lined up terribly, horribly perfectly. “He didn’t mean for Chihiro to die!”
And Chihiro didn’t mean to get killed either. But he manages to swallow that thought, bitter and heavy in his throat. “His intentions didn’t change the outcome.” He says instead, cold and flat and utterly, completely empty.
Silence falls on the room. The lights buzz, the pipes hiss; the old, outdated screen of Alter Ego’s computer hums softly, contemplatively. There’s the muted, metallic thump of the water heater, somewhere inside the wall.
And then Owada speaks up.
“What should I do?” He asks hollowly. He’s looking up now, directly at him. His hair is limp, pompadour undone and falling over his face, obscuring it in streaks of dirty yellow. “I…they’re dead. I couldn’t-” He takes a slow, shuddering breath. “It was my fault. But I don’t know what to do.”
His words are pleading and genuine, as if Byakuya could give a proper answer; he hesitates, still uncertain of what to do with this…empty shell of a punk.
He glances towards Makoto, and then the dim green glow still emanating from the open locker. “Do you care what you do with your life at this point?”
“Byakuya…” Makoto starts warningly, but Owada interrupts him.
“No.”
“Then use it to protect Alter Ego.” If Owada has any sort of misgivings or protest about this, Byakuya ignores them. “That’s Chihiro’s last work, after all. It’s the least you can do to guard it.”
“Is…” Owada’s head turns towards the locker, then back. “Is that…okay?”
His hesitation is understandable. Even if Alter Ego was nothing more than a clever program, it did still wear the face of the boy who Owada’s friend inadvertently killed, and whose corpse Owada had tried to conceal. And that wasn’t even considering if Alter Ego would be cooperative in being protected by him, though there wasn’t much it could do about it.
But Alter Ego is the one who speaks up. “I hope we get along well, Mondo!” It chirps, a smile clear on its voice. And Mondo simply stares for a moment, before burying his face in his palms, and begins to cry.
__
“Are you going back to your room?”
He stops, and turns. They’ve left the bathhouse, Mondo departing first after sobbing his eyes out, and Makoto insisting he go rest in his room - though he probably would’ve ended up staying in the bathhouse all night if he could’ve gotten away with it - and Byakuya, having ended up spending an hour more than he wanted to dealing with it all, is tired once more..
“Where else would I be going?” He scoffs. Makoto is standing just in front of the bahthouse curtains, his face entirely concealed by shadow.
“I…” He takes a deep breath, as if steeling himself. “I noticed you didn’t really…eat a proper meal yesterday. I could go make you something?”
It’s tempting, for a moment. Byakuya clenches a hand in his robe, pressed against his stomach to stifle any unwarranted growls. “No.” He says firmly. “I’m going to sleep.”
“Oh…are you sure? Because-”
“Makoto.” He falls silent. “I told you that there’s no need for us to uphold the deal we made. Your assistance is no longer needed.”
“...But, this isn’t because of the deal, I just-”
“I’m not so low that I’d need charity from you.”
He goes quiet again. Quiet and still, and there’s something off-putting about how he looks. Outlined by the yellow lights of the bathhouse but otherwise completely in darkness, his silhouette sharpened without his jacket. “...Is it really that hard, trusting someone?”
For as angry as he’d been in the bathhouse, now he’s more like his usual self. Quieter, and unsure. The one person out of place in this school, designated unremarkable and then made remarkable because of that.
An unremarkable life. No wonder he couldn’t understand.
“You’ve never had to worry about it before,” He says. “I imagine your life is like a sheep’s. Completely oblivious to the danger around you, as long as you stay inside the fence.
“But the world isn’t as kind as you think it is. And people can always be swayed, no matter how much you trust them, or how much you think they trust you.” He’s seen it happen. He’s exploited it himself, even. “At this point, it would be safest to stop associating with anyone. If you had any brains at all, you would do the same.”
Makoto lets out a sigh that’s almost a laugh, though it’s bitter and mirthless. “Kyoko said the same thing,” He mutters, half to himself. “So you won’t feel safe unless you’re alone? Even though there’s only ten of us left?” He shakes his head, and the motion is a little dizzying, the messy shape of his hair blurring into a dark mass. “How many more people need to die for you to feel safe?”
He sounds angry again, but it’s a colder kind of anger. Resentful and resigned. When did you become so cold?
“...I won’t be safe until I’m out of here.” Byakuya replies steadily, though the hand clenched in his robe tightens slightly. “Even if I could keep everyone in my sight, it’s not like it’d be easy to tell if they were holding a weapon.”
Silently, he adds: And thanks to you, they know that as well.
Makoto doesn’t say anything in reply, so Byakuya leaves. Quickly, in case his stomach threatens to grumble again; his hand doesn’t leave his robe until he’s safely inside his room, door locked behind him.
He almost treads on the bread again, stepping on a corner of the packaging and jumping at the sharp, crinkling sound. It takes a little bit of fumbling in the dark until he finds it, squeezing it through the plastic.
He’s tempted, for a moment, his fingers already searching for the serrated edge to tear it open. But the image of Makoto standing at the bathhouse entrance jumps to his mind; still and shrouded in darkness. A strange, statuesque parody of his usual self.
He throws the bread across the room and climbs back into bed.
< previous - from start - next >
#thpff#thpff chapters#another ten page chapter LET'S GOOOO#hope ppl enjoy mommagami she really is so much fun to write. even as a dream specter#wondering how i should post the mommagami side special bc it really is a lot of text for just a tumblr post...#i dont think mondo would get torn up to the same degree as taka over his friend's death. hence the diff reaction to alter ego's method acti#byakuya u say you dont want to get involved but you ended up sticking around to help with mondo's breakdown so what's the truth#poor makoto really out here suffering. hey man do you think maybe you could take a break#congrats to him for sticking up for himself though. the 'shut the fuck up' he threw in there was kinda hard to write around#but it was too good to get rid of#also. gonna be posting later in the day (et for me) on sundays now#danganronpa fanfiction
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why is everyone on twitter so fucking racist holy shit
#can't have shit on that damn website#WhY iS aPoLlO bLaCk? He'S gReEk He ShOuLd Be WhItE shut the fuck up#he's THE SUN#DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE SUN DOES TO PEOPLE#also he's not real! remember that!#this is for Hestia and Hephaestus too if I see anyone saying shit like that it's on sight#I will beat your ass#I try and look for like-minded apollo fuckers and I encounter el racista#hades ii#hades supergiant
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I did the Well of Sorrows and then went to bed, but I am Still thinking about it and getting mad lmao
why the Fuck does Solas disapprove of a Dalish Inquisitor telling Morrigan no, that it's their heritage and history and if anyone is going to drink from it then it should be an elf
why did I only get one option that pointed that out and why did I pick it on accident (thank god I picked it at all) instead of it being a very clear and consistent shut down
why couldn't I properly discuss sending the Ancient elves out to the many Dalish clans desperately clinging to Elvehn history who would benefit so much from what they could share instead of stripping them of their only purpose to either enter the forever sleep or wander purposeless? if I hadn't taken Solas with me, would there have even been a chance to encourage them that there was still a place for them in the world?
why did I have to spend that entire section having Morrigan explain and translate every piece of Elvehn history and myth to me before going "not my clan tho!" like the one time my Inquisitor could have her properly defend and use her origin and I still had to have everything explained to me like a child lmao
Morrigan very justified for being annoyed at me for taking the magic I had no way to understand tho, she did have a valid point there, However
I am elf, elf magic is mine
#yes Solas recants somewhat back at Skyhold afterwards but the fucking whiplash#of him saying “don't let her take it” and then getting mad when my drinks instead#why was he so mad at the knowledge being preserved??#I get him being mad about tying yourself to an Old God like that (I am so warlock coded dude I'm sorry)#but he doesn’t? really fight that?? until after the whome affair???#but that fat Solas Disapproves popping up there was so Annoying#anyways if I wasn't playing an elf I would have 100% let Morrigan have that#she's my disaster wife and if she wants to courts so many dead gods just to know more who am I to stop her#I love the drama she brings#anyways sorry I was stuck on that like I do kind of get where he's coming from#but I also should have shut down that discussion instantly with “my heritage my burden” y'know#the game keeps ignoring that I'm Dalish and it's really getting to me lol#I do love the Dalish elves and Andrastian elves arguing about the temple back at base tho nice touch there#DAI posting#I'm almost done with the game wowie i just havw the Trespasser dlc after the main story now
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Why do y'all write Tobirama wearing a woman's traditional wedding clothes in those arranged marriage ff....
Do you all really believe this man would lowered his pride to actually wear it?
#tobirama#calling out for a madatobi also#and like it.......really suits him and he slays 100% but he'd NEVER would wear it#this man had a lot of dignity and wearing a woman's clothes would made him look as if `The Senju Demon are lowered his head before someone`#Tobirama: be glad I didn't come in my regular armour and shut the fuck up#and it would be his only answer#maybe he'd wear white but as if regular Japanese man's clothes for wedding BUT in white; and that would be it one an only exception#he also would NOT let anyone call him a “wife”#they're both man#wtf is Madara a “husband” and Tobirama an “wife”#they're husband x husband and so that's how both of them should call each other???#sorry I'm just SO DAMN tired to see this tropes in ff...and they're also so OOC for Tobirama character#naruto fandom fanfiction issues
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