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ceapa-mica · 10 months ago

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Pregnant with Thrawn's Baby 🤰 - a headcanon

This is probably the longest hc I've written so far. Took me some time to do some research since I'm childless.

❗Warnings: angst, mention of miscarriage and death (neither happens dw) non-graphic childbirth❗

Reader's gender is not mentioned but they have female reproductive organs.

Taglist: @bingbongooo @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @ele-millennial-weirdo @enaelyork @jesslove23 @thrawnalani @thrawnsboots @twincesskorisoka @davesrightshoe @shoe-bag @blackddarling @obbicrystaleo

You have been married to Thrawn for quite some time and the thought of having a baby crossed your mind on several occasions by now…

When you finally tell him about it and ask if he would be up to being a father, he's surprised at first. He never really considered the idea. You're the love of his life and the only person in the entire Galaxy he would trust to have his child. So after a moment of getting used to the idea of fatherhood, he agrees that he wants to try for a baby with you.

When you finally get pregnant, it makes the idea of becoming parents so much more real for both of you. It's an overwhelming feeling neither of you have ever known. There is something special growing inside your belly, something whose wellbeing exceeds your own.

Thrawn hires the best doctors of his fleet to take care of your medical needs during your pregnancy.

You receive troubling news early into your pregnancy. The doctor tells you that it's quite common for hybrid pregnancies to end in miscarriages due to the body rejecting a fetus where half of the DNA is not of the same species.

That fear sticks with you throughout your pregnancy, but thankfully your body does not reject your baby.

Thrawn makes sure you don't get stressed. He's really worried stress could trigger a miscarriage. He spoils you more than usual and takes as much time as he can for you.

He loves to see how pregnancy changes your body. He doesn't mind if you gain a few pounds and says that means there's just more for him to touch. He loves your stretch marks, he sees a beautiful artistic pattern in them. To him they're art, and he shows his appreciation for art of any kind. This one though he worships not just with compliments but also with kisses.

There is also a clear difference to non-hybrid pregnancies. Look, with a hybrid the body has to grow a child whose DNA is 50% foreign, which makes it a lot harder. It really takes a toll on you.

Aside from common pregnancy symptoms like fluid retention, breast pain and an appetite for the strangest food combos, symptoms of a hybrid pregnancy include a kind of fatigue where you are often too weak to do more than the most necessary tasks like eating, drinking and if lucky taking a shower. You're just soo tired, and slightly depressed really. You wanted your pregnancy to be an exciting time in your life and even have a baby shower celebration. Plans you cancel due to the seemingly never ending fatigue.

Tbh your current state scares Thrawn. And this man is rarely scared of anything. He's super worried to the point where his thoughts wander to you during work hours when he's usually focused on his work only.

Everyone on the Chimera knows about your pregnancy and rumors about your wellbeing are making the rounds. The crew, especially on the bridge, is supportive and understanding, knowing the weight on Thrawn's shoulders is immense right now.

When he returns from his job, he cuddles up next to you, cradling your swollen belly in his large hand. The baby often moves when he touches your belly or when he simply talks to you.

You become a regular in the medbay during those nine months. You lose weight despite eating enough and get heart palpitations.

Thrawn feels guilty for putting you in this situation. You both want a baby, but at what cost? He's worried your body won't recover from this. He always calculates every possible outcome, and now he's confronted with the possibility of you not surviving.

The doctors tell Thrawn that you’re unlikely to die though, and that you will make a full recovery after the baby is born.

He reads up on parenting while looking after you. He absorbs the knowledge of those helpful holobooks like a sponge, saving it for later.

He has mixed feelings. He's scared something could go wrong and he ends up having to raise your baby alone, on the other hand he's excited and looking forward to meet this little creature you're carrying.

You manage to carry the baby to term. You’re in bed watching your comfort holoshow when you go into labor. Thrawn isn’t with you, but he gave you a comlink for emergencies.

He's there in a heartbeat and won't leave your side. He takes you to the medbay and holds your hand the entire time.

Eli Vanto drops by and brings Thrawn caf and for you your favorite snack. Weeks prior you and Thrawn have asked him if he wants to be the godfather of your child in case something happens to the both of you. Eli felt honored and agreed.

You lose any sense of time during labor. It's just hour after hour of pain. Thrawn remains by your side, not once leaving. You have never seen him with shadows under his eyes before, even when he claims that he's not tired, which is clearly a lie.

When your baby’s first scream fills the air, something shifts inside your heart. You get the overwhelming need to care and provide for your newborn.

The nurse droid hands your baby to its father. He tells you it's a girl and kisses you, smiling into the kiss. He's not even hiding his emotions at this special moment. Thrawn is not someone who would cry, but you notice how his eyes look glassy when he looks at his baby daughter.

He cuts the umbilical cord and takes her to clean her up. As expected, fatherhood looks good on him!

When he returns her to your chest you breastfeed her for the very first time. That's when you finally get a good look at her. She has (your h/c) fuzz on her little head and her (your s/c) skin has a blue hue to it. Her bright eyes have white scleras like a human, but her irises are crimson, typical for Chiss, just like the ridges on her forehead.

Thrawn can't take his eyes off her either. He's fascinated by her, in awe that he was capable of helping to create something so beautiful. He thinks she looks like art - absolutely extraordinary. He has never seen a Human-Chiss hybrid in person, only heard rumors in the Ascendency.

You agreed on names for either gender months prior. You’re gonna name her Mitth’>add Chiss name of your choice here<

The news of the Chimera’s newest crewmember spreads rapidly. Soon friends of yours wait by the medbay and Thrawn steps out to officially announce the birth of your child to them.

Thrawn sends Eli in to look after you two. When he holds your daughter for the first time he's immediately enraptured with her. He knows there's nothing in the Galaxy he wouldn't do for this tiny bundle of joy.

After delivering your daughter you need a lot of time to recover. You help as much as you can but it takes weeks for you to get back on your feet.

Having another life depending on you can be very demanding for both your mental and physical health. Thrawn makes sure you eat healthy and take your vitamins. He works less hours and his crew is more supportive than ever. It's a shame he can't just go and take paternity leave.

You quickly learn that a baby has the communication skills of an alarm clock. You miss the deep naps you took during your pregnancy where barely anything could wake you up.

When Thrawn isn’t at work he helps you with your daughter in any way he can. You can always count on him when it comes to your little one. You see the pride shining in his crimson eyes whenever he looks at her, or talks about her. He also wants to hold her all the time.

For the first time there is something more important to Thrawn than his primary mission. You came into his life, showed him what falling in love is like, accepted him with all his flaws and became the mother of his child. You and your daughter mean more to him than his service to the Empire or the Chiss Ascendency. He would tear down the Galaxy if it meant keeping the two loves of his life safe.

Thrawn dreams of taking you and your child to the Ascendency one day. He wants to introduce you to his family and for your daughter to learn about her heritage.

You read that right, it's up to you 🫵🏻 to name your Chiss daughter. Let us know in the comments what you chose to name her, if you like.

The next headcanon will be pure family fluff. 🥹

#thrawn #grand admiral thrawn #mitth'raw'nuruodo #blue man hot #thrawn x reader #thrawn x you #thrawn headcanon #thrawn fanfiction #star wars rebels #ahsoka series #star wars #dad! thrawn

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joyboyish · 1 year ago

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ok im going to do my straw hats sexualities and gender post now so.

luffy - aroace! he doesnt experience any romantic or sexual attraction, but he does make/laugh at sex jokes like a 12 year old boy would. he also doesnt really understand gender so he identifies as a man cuz thats what every one refers to him as but if you used any other pronouns with him he wouldnt correct you. when ivankov was talking about destroying gender norms he thought gender norms was like a really strong pirate tbh. or when bon clay said he was gay and bigender he thought that was like an ethnicity or some shit. if you came out to him he'd be like "oh really? im from dawn island wheres lesbian?"

zoro - unlabled! he has attraction to all genders but hes too lazy to figure out an exact gender its an "i might be bisexual but im too busy sword training to care" kind of thing, he doesnt really care for gender very much, hes amab and identifies as a man but if you used they/them on him he'd be fine. do NOT use she/her though he doesnt like that. hes also demisexual tho! (doesnt experience romantic or sexual attraction with out forming a strong emotional bond)

nami - a lesbian among lesbians. a women lover above all things. she doesnt try to hide it either. she doesnt really care for gender and is very happy with her identity as a women, but she also uses they/them sometimes when shes feeling silly

usopp - gay man. gay as hell. so fucking gay. him and nami are wlw mlm HOSTILITY. he uses all pronouns though, he couldnt really care less honestly

sanji - BISEXUAL. he had a talk w ivankov post time skip and kind of had internalized homophobia/transphobia and was like "all men get attracted to other men but that doesnt make you gay bro." and ivankov had to sit him down and bring the news to him like telling a child santa isnt real. he uses all pronouns.

chopper - likes other reindeer no matter the gender. ask him for his pronouns tho and he'd be like "oh im cis! if you are trans i can get you some testosterone or estrogen shots though!" good doctor

robin - bisexual, couldn't care less about the gender of her partner, she'd love them regardless. shes a trans women! chopper is always delicate with her estrogen shots and gives her fun bandaids in silly shapes and ALWAYS at the same time because one time she mentioned how before she joined the strawhats she would have to go without estrogen for long periods of time and when she did get to use it, it was rushed and she put it in at weird angles

franky - another trans bisexual, round of applause everyone! trans male, when he got hit by that train and started making himself a robot it was his OPPORTUNITY!!!!! his robot body automatically gives him t shots whenever hes due so he doesnt need choppers help until he needs to refill it.

brook - hes bisexual with a fem lean, no care for gender. hes one of those elder gay guys whos like "omg im so happy you get to do this now, we didnt have that when i was young"

jinbe - cishet but SUPER aggresive ally. one of those gay dads that wear rainbow socks around all the time and whenever he sees like pride merch he points to whichever crew member is next to him and is like "do we get this". the answer is always no. hes like a proud dad tbh. if someone said something homophobic around him he'd sit them down and educate them. alternatively if luffy hears someone say something about fishmen he'd just beat them up

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vryivs · 5 months ago

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spoilers ahead

wolfie and firefly hanging out theyre BESTIES

i missed silver wolf so bad ALSO SHES SOFT ON FIREFLY

theyre so cute i wanna cry

this is more fuel for my 'fate and destiny are optional' as the theme of the game conspiracy

reminds me of that one doctor who episode that mentions that nothing is set in stone until it happens

man i really do just keep linking this game to dw at every opportunity lately

kafka is such a mum omg

'make sure you bring me a souvenir!' its so cute

kafka and her three grey haired kids

AND BLADE OFFERING HIS ADVICE LIKE THAT (hes worried about her...he cares.....)

not a step dad...the dad that stepped UP

she called kafka jiejie......... thats adorable

stellaron hunters found family is so important to me

milf jade.....

shes so....omg. jade and her pet troublemakers. this dynamic will become integral to my personality i fear

i need playable oti. oh my god

playable siobhan WHEN

shes too beautiful to be an npc

im gonna cry dan heng loves his found family so much

crazy that welt isnt telling us he has a wholeass family back home

also 'for some reason' bestie she was your colleague. in the direct prequel to this game you were coworkers

gallagher isnt confirmed dead which is a point to a character being playable meaning theyre still alive, but misha is like... there is no way

Oh? Oh?????

oh shes mad at him for getting her involved

jade going 'dont be silly, you love him really' is so funny. topaz would kill him as much as she'd kill for him

awww jade cares about him

still cannot get over robin having a pride flag on her cheek. crazy of them to do that so blatantly

jade is the kind of girlboss that would sell nfts i think

all this finance talk is giving me a migraine

ok i was kidding but she really is just talking cryptospeak

i know tb/firefly is a super popular ship but idk..the more i play the more i feel like their platonic relationship is super sweet

the fact she knew us before kafka wiped our memories too....its so bittersweet

she is so transgender. to me

LMAO her tone being like. ah. my idiot

10 stoneheart lore oh i can feel my next hyperfixation coming on

BOOTHILL AND AVENTURINE INTERACTIONS!!!!!

oh yeah 'other things' like the fact that you NEARLY DIED

now im by no means fluent but my chinese hearing is just good enough to understand that boothill called him a pansy

also the fact that aventurine is there as a projection is so... im imagining him all dolled up for his zoom call just to collapse straight into bed the second it ends. remote work legend

girl help i cant stop imagining aventurine gossiping to ratio about us while on bed rest

'this individual is my responsibility' what a funny way of saying youre friends

tbh. my best friend irl talks about hanging out with me in almost the exact same way

eating brb

#2.3 spoilers #also tagging 2.2 so i can find my lb of that too #2.2 spoilers #hsr

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butchtwelfthdoctor · 5 months ago

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💛💚💙💜 for the unpopular opinions ask game

ahh thank you!!

yellow heart - popular ship you cant get behind?

not a massive fan of tenrose tbh. like i Know they had Something going on and were definitely flirting in fear her at least but. i just dont see them working as a Normal Couple. they are qpr besties they are deeply connected in ways they cant put into words, rose isnt sure if she loves him like her best friends or like a crush ten is aroace but doesnt know if he's actually attracted to rose or not they had a passionate midnight makeout session Once and then never mentioned it but you bet they thought about it every day. but they are NOTTTTTTTT normal dating. like super hot take moment i think but i kind of didnt like rose and tentoo as an ending one b/c it strips rose of so much choice and two its feels like a weird sort of ohhh yeahh no they get married now or something its okay <3. idk. like i really really like them together just not in the same way a lot of people seem to be shipping it

green heart - what does everyone get wrong about your favourite character?

A Lot of people seem to characterize Missy as like.... secretly nice all along?? like Yes she does have a lot of softer moments compared to. say. saxon master. but there are a couple of audios even where she's like nice to kids but pretending not to actually like them? and idk it just sits weird with me. like this is THE MASTER we're talking about. she canonically 'set an entire planet on fire to get enough light to put her eyeshadow on' but she ALSOOOO!!!!! had enough emotional intelligence to just. be decent to people she likes. idk. there is certainly an element of tragedy in her character in that she feels she doesnt know how to be good after so long spent being truly awful, that is the main point of her s10 arc, but that seems to have been misconstrued as 'she was secretly nice all along' which just. isnt true. s8 she literally turns of all earths dead people in cybermen and enjoyed it. it also does have vibes of it being a gender thing like 'oh now shes a women shes so much more caring' thats not really it!!!!!!!

blue heart - character whos not as hot as people seem to think?

eleven SORRY IM SORRY

purple heart - character who is hotter than people think?

i would be lying if i didnt have a few 'oh god i'm a lesbian' moments watching thirteens seasons. ahahahahah shes just sooooooooo like most of the time its like yeah okay. woman doctor okay cool. but tHEN also thirteen's in twelves's clothes.................................. and when she gets mad.................................................................. like i do not usually get at all actually attracted to fictional characters or actors but. thirteen.

also missy i think everyone does think she's hot but she is actually the best ever sooooo hehe

#thanks for the ask!!#follow for more of my doctor who hot takes and weird opinons <3 lol #missy

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fauslayer · 2 years ago

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tbh I'm always interested in whatever headcanons you have for anything ever because they're always pretty interesting, anything in particular you want to bring up? Go for it!

thats really kind of you to say 🥺 thank u izzy....

ive been thinking about the Blue Thing 🔵 recently...funneled some of my energy into doodles so i could try to refine what i want to talk about uwa

im actually not sure how much of his deal is possible to gleam from just me being strange the past couple of weeks but for awesome primer bc i love talking about things. sugary spire is a swap au and upcoming fangame for pizza tower starring pizzelle, a nervous, married, and transgender pastry chef at the end of her rope, and "the" pizzano, a baking show host and tv network owner/personality who

well i think this^ is a good enough explanation.

there is no way this man isnt autistic. anyways i like to think he stims by biting his hand like normal peppino does in his idles, but a lot of actual damage is held back by the fact that he wears his gloves all the time. theyre probably made out of some kind of rubbery material (at least on the outside), either purposefully or coincidentally nice to chew. he mostly does this when hes alone or at least off camera; its a whole "image" thing that honestly irritates him.

same with singing! singing is one of his big passions in my eyes (if we get to treat the weird website song hunt arg as canon, i would like to use that as proof that he loves music; enough to get fiercely paranoid about it, even), which fits bc i like. absorbed the headcanon that peppino has a special interest in dance music/mostly eurodance specifically and loves dancing (hence his schmoovement). pizzano has strong opera pipes and loves to sing while he works but he has the lungpower of a boeing plane engine and the projection ability of a car alarm and hence doesnt get to hit his full stride on the air often. he wants to get involved with opera production but they probably think hes too silly or bad for the image. sadge .(

i think ive said a little bit on the subject of pizzanos Accoutrements in the past. i dont think he takes them off. its beneficial for the network presence! its marketable! it covers up very vulnerable and/or identifiable parts of him. despite The Fire being completely nuked from canon i still hc him as going through some kind of fucked up physical trauma event (i still say a fire, just not that one, dont really have a specific idea) so hes got prominent scarring on his face and hands. even besides the Unspecified Cluster B Paranoia he doesnt like the idea of anyone catching his scars on camera. sometimes hell just hole himself up in his room for days because hes freaked out.

he cries easy and switches moods on a dime and is generally kind of someone that should have more concern thrown his way but most of this is covered up by the fact that hes relatively expected to be Wacky and Violent and Loves Incendiary Weaponry!! hes 100% unmedicated because he doesnt like the way any of his pills have tasted for the things hes bothered to get diagnosed (ptsd, adhd) and is a little freaked out of doctors outside of like, first aid medics

thank you for letting me talk about my guy 🥺

#asks

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klugpuuo · 2 years ago

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7 15 27 a+d for dew (or if you wanna answer for another oc that's epic also)

doing this for dew AND feathers bc they are a pair do not seperate

7.What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

for feathers it would be any interaction w/ the concept of sky-sail festivals. his citizens used to hold massive ones and he would sometimes sneak out to watch everything, maybe even steal some food and get on a skysail (obviously he had to get off pretty quickly - it doesn't take much to realize that there's a stowaway and a thief onboard, especially one who likes talking so much!) he misses those festivals, but he enjoys the feeling of nostalgia he gets. it reminds him that it was real in a weird way. anyway, he can always talk to others about it, seems they were a pretty widespread phenomenon!

dew doesnt have much to be nostalgic about.

15.How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

giving dew my Ailment where she constantly scripts whenever she leaves a conversation and makes like 50 iterations [lol] of the same sentence to perfectly please whoever she's talking to and then when she gets back to talking she feels like she's a horrible person just misleading them or forcing them into an rp bc she scripted

feathers just says shit . unless it's serious, then he very carefully thinks of what to say next

27.What causes them to feel dread?

well other than the obvious "THE ROT"...

feathers isnt bothered by much usually very bothering stuff. he does sorta panic when he runs out of a specific type of medicine thats hard as hell to fabricate or whatever though

dew gets that feeling pretty frequently unless she's actively shutting herself off :v:

A) Why are you excited about this character?

BECAUSE THEYRE FUCKING COOL. THEY'RE SO AWESOME. LOOK AT THEM.

dew is like... she's one of my Popular ocs!!!! people who havent directly interacted w me know abt her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAND SHE'S ONE OF MY POPULAR OCS WHO HAS NOT BEEN SEXUALIZED TO DEATH she did get the curse of incorrect assessment but like this is really good for a fat woman who wears shirts lie 30% of the time ok?

for feathers... smiles i just like writing him!! it's nice to have a character who always can use sign language tbh, and i love writing his dialogue it's fun he's silly. i love the concept of the only group's doctor being everyone's brother and i like how kind and loving he ended up being even though beneath it all he's really fucking annoying (funny annoying but. still annoying. and he LOVES being so)

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

are you prepared for that question.

THIS is what they used to look like. their original designs. before all the crazy lore, when feathers still Talked sort of like this, using full punctuation and proper hoofdletters.

one thing that's more or less always been true was that dew had fur or hair of some sort. i changed it to fur once i remembered she had hair so it would make a bit more sense considering my hc that iterators Dont have that

and one thing i've kept with feathers is the little diamond thing on his clothes, which you can actually see on artis too!

#klug's ocs #klug answers #iterator rp #thanks for the ask

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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meowmeow, lovie!! good morning/day/evening! im sorry i suppose ill be late today too bc its already 4:30 and i still have an essay to write *clown emoji aka me* nvm i deicided to write it during the lessons. 'i was kinda sad yesterday so when you didnt message me' im sososO sorry love TT i hope you read it during the day at least and im making you a company. 'i refuse to watch doctor who' well we'll see... or you in particular... AAAH im waiting for the song sm!! you always look pretty! tbh im waiting for any content you publish!! im so honored you ask me for a song to sing TT omg im crying im soso touched TT im not so cruel to ask you to learn a russian song nono. what kind of song do you want? idk about professional traits but if you tell me, next time ill give you some variants. since you mentioned russian songs, i recalled a song named 'russian princess' (it has english subs if you want to listen!) actually i feel so cool listening to it hghls. especially since i got into hotd. i feel not exactly like a royalty but you know this feeling of being special and just in tune with yourself? tbh i found this song a year or 2 ago and i associate it with the other events. also it has some witchy vibes as for me. andand!! was this # about my witch au? if you got it, you got it. no pressure, just curious. 'i would say i have no chill and am quite radical' nah i wasnt saying you ARE chill and hippie. but that you have such an image in the internet. tbh i want to go to protests but... im not afraid of getting hurt but ruining my whole life *star eyes* there was a guy who was walking NEAR the place where a demonstration was happening and.. hes been imprisoned <з lovely isnt it? universities were expelling their students for taking part in the protests. sorry i got carried away. good to know you have such a rebellious posture. i love you saint hannah TT youre so sweet <з 'i try not to think about that too much cos ill cry' ive been crying by the middle of the sentence. 'when we say we’re going to eat rice that means were eating a meal' oooh i got you. we have a tradition of eating bread with every meal but 1) its not the same thing 2) its not really strong among young people. its fine, you explained it pretty understandable. papak sounds cute. ig we have an equivalent. 'I HAVE SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO SHARE' YEEEY im always hear to listen to it! WOW its so really very very interesting to learn about this saying twice thing!! we also say things twice sometimes for the same reason or to just create a new meaning. i crave learning more about filipino! yeah i didnt know what is flan. 1) but tbh some people dont even see russia as europe.. even geographically... 2) its not a common dish in slavik countries (eastern at least). like we have a quite similar thing but it has a completely different name. 'i think it derived from spanish??' yeah its probably just my association. we dont have such constructions to unit words so it always sounds foreign. esp words like this. a silly stereotype but it gives me some old movie about mafia vibes. its also said in a deep af brutal voice in the beginning of a movie. 'I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS PERFECTLY BECAUSE' omg its cute. thanks <з love your big brain ooh kare-kare looks good. a hottie fdklfjd. please let me answer it in the second part bc 1)im running out of symbols 2) i wanna sleep 3) ill answer you during the day i swear TT ive got so many things to do it scares me.. just remember that im here! have a good day!! good luck with the classes and all! take care<з

HELOO LOVE

im ready T_T i might just type everything i lost last night

im sorry i suppose ill be late today too bc its already 4:30 and i still have an essay to write *clown emoji aka me* nvm i deicided to write it during the lessons. 'i was kinda sad yesterday so when you didnt message me' im sososO sorry love TT i hope you read it during the day at least and im making you a company.

T_T it's ok i told you not to apologize ur not the reason i was sad but i was hoping to talk to you. T_T its ok as long as you reply im good u have a life beyond tumblr girl its fine. here are your clown emojis 🤡🤡🤡 please take care of yourself

'i refuse to watch doctor who' well we'll see... or you in particular... AAAH im waiting for the song sm!!

ive been meaning to watch the episode with the 10th and 11th doctor with my mummy but T_T there's no subtitles T_T and matt like mumbling in the beginning and we dont have a speaker and T_T sad RIP maybe i'll at least watch that episode

you always look pretty! tbh im waiting for any content you publish!!

T_T Спасибо, любимый

im so honored you ask me for a song to sing TT omg im crying im soso touched TT im not so cruel to ask you to learn a russian song nono. what kind of song do you want? idk about professional traits but if you tell me, next time ill give you some variants. since you mentioned russian songs, i recalled a song named 'russian princess' (it has english subs if you want to listen!)

geez i listened to this song before fully reading your reply and T_T i thought it was the song you wanted me to sing so i was like DAMN ITS GOOD but then i realized i slowly regretted saying id sing anything for you even if its in russian T_T ALSO I CANT MAKE THE BACKING TRACK/MUSIC ITS EDM AINT NO ONE GOT TIME FOR THAT but now that ive read this in its entirety im glad your not making me sing it but HAHAH YOU KNOW I ALREADY LOOKED UP THE LYRICS AND GOT THE ROMANIZED RUSSIAN AHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAH i'll try to learn it it has an interesting melody but lol we'll see HAAHAHH

the genre im mostly drawn to has rock vibes but i like all music to a certain degree so pls i hope its english (or filipino HAHHAH)

actually i feel so cool listening to it hghls. especially since i got into hotd. i feel not exactly like a royalty but you know this feeling of being special and just in tune with yourself? tbh i found this song a year or 2 ago and i associate it with the other events. also it has some witchy vibes as for me.

i see it really does have have quite a strong ambiance so i can understand why you are drawn to it. i actually like this song! i love how you describe your feeling with music, this is how i feel about music. btw... are you in high school? i- i suddenly tried to think of what youre studying but i cant ?? think of anything omg T_T [are you a minor] YOURE NOT RIGHT? arent you 19? T_T HELP

andand!! was this # about my witch au? if you got it, you got it. no pressure, just curious.

YES and no but yes but idk i wanted to write it but now i dont T_T it be like that

'i would say i have no chill and am quite radical' nah i wasnt saying you ARE chill and hippie. but that you have such an image in the internet.

HAHHAAH BUT THAT LITERALLY MEANS YOU THINK IM A CHILL HIPPIE HAHAHAHAAHA

tbh i want to go to protests but... im not afraid of getting hurt but ruining my whole life *star eyes*

im not going to give you star emojis because i think you mean your are ok with yourself getting hurt and i dont support that

there was a guy who was walking NEAR the place where a demonstration was happening and.. hes been imprisoned <з lovely isnt it? universities were expelling their students for taking part in the protests. sorry i got carried away. good to know you have such a rebellious posture.

not really rebellious per se, more of like i think its necessary to speak out against the status quo if the status quo is bad and harmful and anti-people and pro-elite etc. i hope that guy is ok. ✊

i love you saint hannah TT youre so sweet <з

lol thanks idk what i feel about the nickname but i love you <3

'i try not to think about that too much cos ill cry' ive been crying by the middle of the sentence.

T_T

'when we say we’re going to eat rice that means were eating a meal' oooh i got you. we have a tradition of eating bread with every meal but 1) its not the same thing 2) its not really strong among young people. its fine, you explained it pretty understandable.

tbh i wouldnt call it a tradition its like a social norm to eat rice... ig culture? is more appropriate. its nice that you have parallelism with bread. and omg young people dont lke bread AHAHHA that's ? so funny lol its weird to think yall just out there eating .... idk fried chicken T_T DAMN WITH NO RICE T_T

papak sounds cute. ig we have an equivalent.

T_T HAHAHA what's the equivalent?

'I HAVE SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO SHARE' YEEEY im always hear to listen to it!

OK im going to take this oppurtunity to talk to you again about sandman because that was the highlight of my message before i ctrl zed but FIRST LET ME SAVE THIS AS A DRAFT

ok were safe team

OK so yesterday ??? or was it yester NO IT WAS YESTERDAY i went to the library and read the chonky sandman megabig comic and i absolute loved the issue with Nada and Dream

now i have a new perspective in this because i feel like i was internally misogynistic towards Nada after watching this video about likable female characters (you dont have to watch it but this channel is very nice) anyway this vid basically talked about how female characters are only 'good' if they're likeable whereas male characters can be good regardless of that and it made me think about this issue cos i felt more sympathy towards dream than nada and at one point i had feelings of annoyance with nada but Lasflahsf NOW i cant remember if it was before i read that issue or after but i recall having catharsis over how i treated nada after typing my thoughts about it to you

anyway as im typing this now, i also realized that its ok for me not to feel that much feelings at all towards nada because i mean i had been following dream throughout the other issues so its not weird to have me have stronger feelings about dream rather than nada

but anyway, i still felt that both of them were problematic in their own way and i'll just quickly go through why and why i love that issue the most

so nada ^^^^ is dream's first love T_T [CRYING] solely because [CRYING] she was the only person who said they loved him and actually sought him out [CRYING] MANS SUPER HUNGRY FOR LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP ITS SO SAD and yeah because of that dream was like LASFHASFHAL I LOVE YOU TOO NADA I WANT YOU TO BE QUEEN OF THE DREAMING T_T [CRYING]

but like stupid mortals be T_T [sigh] nada, who had been warned by a bird king not to seek out the 'man' she was in love with because he was NOT a man was like 'but i still love him' then met dream, had the whole be my queen shebang and when she realized he was not human she was AW SHIT BIRD KING WAS RIGHT (bird king is a literal bird btw AHHHA) and was like dream we cant be together im sorry i was stupid pls let me go this is bad

but dream was like [pls i love you T_T i want you pls i need love]

[CRYING]

so nada desperately goes through all these things to evade dream the worst of which is she even defiles herself by taking her maidenhood WITH A ROCK (it's not to say that a woman impure because she is not a virgin or that she is anything based on their virginity bUT I SAY DEFILE BECAUSE DAMN THAT FUCKING HURTS AND SHE WAS SO DESPERATE TO REPEL DREAM TO DO THAT) but dream is like T_T social constructs such as this matter not to me im not a human pls i love you i want you be my queen

{CRYING}

AND POOR FUCKING NADA SHES LIKE ON HER KNEES BEGGING BUT DREAM FUCKING BEING DREAM IS LIKE PLSSSSSSSSSSSS but ig also he's kinda hot cos nada was like ok thats kinda hot that you dgaf about social norms so they make love on top of the mountain

BUT THEN THE FUCKING SUN IS LIKE WHAT IS THIS HERESY WHAT IS THIS ABSOLUTE SIN THAT A MORTAL AND AN ENDLESS HAVE SHARED UNION THEN FUCKING BURNS NADA'S ENTIRE VILLAGE ////:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk thats fucking petty of the sun if it was so bad it shudda burned nada no? but then again nada is the princess of the tribe so 😬😬😬😬😬🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 its cold hard reality the people have to suffer for their rulers' mistakes

and so when they woke nada was like ???? my people are dead T_T CRYING FUCK then jumps of the cliff and dies

NOW THIS PETTY FUCK DREAM COMES TO HER AND IS LIKE nada i love you then you betrayed me (ok this isnt the petty part because she willingly had sex with him on that mountain) then hes like youre choosing death over me (death is dreams sister so he was 100% jelly over this) and nada is like pls my people are dead because of me let me go

this is the part where i think well yeah theyre dead youre dead just be with dream forgetting that guilt exists lol AHHAHAHA

THIS IS THE PART WHERE DREAM IS PETTY COS HE WAS LIKE for betraying me i will punish you BUT if you agree to be my queen i;ll forgive you i;ll only ask you 3 times if you deny me 3 times im going to condemn you to fucking hell //////:

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

he petty AF for that wtf

so nada obviously is like no no pls dont make me say no again so dont ask me but DREAM PETTY AF AND I THINK THE COMIC EVEN SAID SOME SHIT ABOUT THAT AND SO DREAM

ASKED HER ANYWAY

and she said no and now she's in fucking HELLL AND BEEN IN HELL FOR MILLENIA

in one of the earlier issues + in the show dream sees nada when he goes to hell and asks him to release her and i think nada asks if he loves him and dream is smth like its been thousands of years of course i still love you BUT i stilll havent forgiven you T_T PETTY RAT

and i remember when i watched that i was like DAMN WHAT DID SHE DO HE PETTY AF and now that i know im like i see it but also he petty AF

UHH TEN THOUSAND YEARS THIS RAT PETTY AF

[end scene]

WOW its so really very very interesting to learn about this saying twice thing!! we also say things twice sometimes for the same reason or to just create a new meaning.

AW THATS CUTE HAHAHAH love that for us #russianssecretlyfilipino #filipinossecretlyrussian

i crave learning more about filipino!

OK OK LETS FINALLY TALK ABOUT JOSE RIZAL

this is him. it might not look like it but hes the original fuck boy HAHHAHA man had girlfriends all over the globe like pitbull who? he aint mr worldwide JOSE RIZAL is mr worldwife HAHHA LOL I TYPED THAT ON ACCIDENT AND SO REAL FINGERS SO REAL tho he never had a wife so /: HAHHAA

anyway he became the national hero because his work inspired the revolution and he did so with non violence so. i personally have a soft spot for andres bonifacio (the other candidate for national hero) but thats for another time

this andres btw

aNYWAY his most prolific works are 'noli mi tangere' which means 'touch me not' in spanish or 'like do not translate me' then its sequel 'el filibusterismo' or 'the Filibuster' in spanish whatever the fuck that means ok wikipedia says its It is sometimes referred to as "talking a bill to death" or "talking out a bill", and is characterized as a form of obstruction in a legislature or other decision-making body. whatever that means HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

so yeah he got killed for writing that lol cos he wrote it in spanish cos fuck you spain and then spain was like (: pew pew and shot him and he was like FUCK YOU YOURE NOT GOING TO SHOOT ME IN THE BACK IM GOING TO FACE YOU but he died before he could look at the firing squad so /:

side note the right pic is at rizal park which was where he was killed (it was renamed after him) and i remember going there for a field trip and being absolutely enamored by the story teller/tour guide who said the whole story and said the command by the spanish and the statues FIRED AT RIZAL AND I HAD A HEARTATTACK THEN AFTER IT ALL I WAS LIKE WOAH THAT WAS MEGA COOL but i dont remember what the spanish command was T_T rip i wish i knew so i could tell you any everyone else i want to tell this story to

HAHAHAH anyway unlike other works before jose rizal which was propaganda against the spanish, the works before rizal were like only allussions to opression but never direct. whereas rizal was like oh you see these spanish priests and all the governors THEYRE FUCKING L also you see how they treat the poor and farmers and fucking RAPE OUR WOMEN (: YALL ARE L FUCK YOU

and spain was like ? no fuck YOU bang bang (in before imprisoning him i think he only lived to be 30?) then after he died the revolutionaries called the katipuneros which is derived from (Dont freak out) the KKK (which means kataastaasan (the highest of the high) kagalanggalangang (the most respectable) katipunan (? like group or association, but also because of them katipunan kind of has this meaning of revolutionary or i guess to me) were like HELL NO LETS FUCKING GO SPAIN YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS FUCK YOU

(this is my absolute fav monument i remember seeing it for the first time as a child i was like DAMN THAT SWORD FUCKING LIT)

I MUST SAY the first time i heard of other KKK was in the black eyed peas song 'where is the love' and i was like HEY they dont like the kkk? why dont they like the kkk? how do they even know them? they fought for out freedom thats so mean of them not to like them in before my older brother said YOU IDIOT THAT NOT THE KKK THEYRE TALKING ABOUT T_T rip

enough of that

noli (we call it that so its short) basically follows this dude named crisostomo ibarra. in the first book he's just come home from abroad and is like i love it here then slowly is like WTF IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING and ... tbh its been a while i dont remember its entirety... but he fall in love with maria clara and theres this freaky rat ass priest that has ??? the hots for her but ??? hES SECRETLY HER FUCKING DAD? COS HE RAPED MARIAS MOM and maria also gets raped im not sure by who tho but FUCK THAT PRIEST (a priest rapes her) yeah its all very FUCK YOU she joins the convent because of that and i think because yeah crisostomo dies and shes like </3 i will never recover never love again

honestly dont quote me on this i could be getting so much wrong

then part 2 which is el fili (again shorted cos its too long) crisostomo ibarra who fucking dies in p1 comes back from the dead (cos he never died fr) as simoun and is like I DONT WANT PEACE I WANT PROBLEMS ALWAYS and plans to blow up a church or smth BECAUSE FUCK YOU SPAIN (honestly i cant remember) and marias like my beloved crisostomo T_T please come back to me and simoun is like WAIT WAIT IM COMING but maria is like fuck this shit and jumps off a fucking church cos life sucks

yeah the end thats about as much as i remember from the main plot but the books talk about a lot of social injustices too

my favorite (or should i even call it that T_T) is the piece about Cabesang Tales who is a farmer took barren land and made it fruitful and it took so long for it to be fruitful his wife and daughter died of fucking poverty then the church was like actually peasant this land belongs to God and by god i mean us gtfo this land and Cabesang Tales who was the picture of patience fucking snapped and was like FUCKING WORK YOUR BLEED BLOOD AND FIX THE LAND THEN BURRY YOUR WIFE AND CHILD HERE FIRST THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL I GIVE YOU THIS LAND

then bang (:

anyway they actually made a show about this! for once its not super cringe! its about this modern girl who goes 'back in time' or more like in the book and lives with the characters. i only watched ep1 & 2 and i havent even seen the cutie crisostomo yet so i have plans on watching it but idk when

HIHIHI THIS IS THEM Klay (the reader insert HAHAHAHAH) crisostomo then maria and i think slay <3 its actually available on youtube which is where im watching it but apparently it has no eng subs cos this one korean youtuber was complaining about it so yeah HAHHAHH the turned tables because we love kdramas here in the ph and complain if there arent eng subs on their shows HAHHAHAHA

HOLLUP LEMME JUST SAVE

ok were back this is such a long love letter

[end scene]

yeah i didnt know what is flan. 1) but tbh some people dont even see russia as europe.. even geographically... 2) its not a common dish in slavik countries (eastern at least). like we have a quite similar thing but it has a completely different name.

its ok flan is not paramount to life HAHAHH unless you make flan for a living in which case it is quite important. #1 i mean russia-- SHE 'UGE MASSIVE YEAH so huge she said eurasia and like pluto tiny #2 fair. what is the similar thing?

'i think it derived from spanish??' yeah its probably just my association. we dont have such constructions to unit words so it always sounds foreign. esp words like this.

i see. interesting to know. what about vagon you have that word surely cos i remember watching captain america civil war and it was one of winter soldier's tick words somethingsomething vagon then its translation was like freight train and my mom was like omg thats filipino bagon was like not the train per se but the things connected to the train you get me which i can only assume comes from spanish vagón exists but its wagon according to google so HAHA i got you there

a silly stereotype but it gives me some old movie about mafia vibes. its also said in a deep af brutal voice in the beginning of a movie.

I LOVE THIS STEREOTYPE TBH

'I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS PERFECTLY BECAUSE' omg its cute. thanks <з love your big brain

<3 HIHI i love your big brain

ooh kare-kare looks good. a hottie fdklfjd.

HAHAHAH yes it is very good i love it <3 now im hungry T_T

please let me answer it in the second part bc 1)im running out of symbols

thats fine

2) i wanna sleep

valid i will never stop you from listening to your body clock

3) ill answer you during the day i swear TT ive got so many things to do it scares me..

<3 do well my love you got this is can be intimidating but dont worry too much about it you got this! its normal to be anxious but you will overcome it

just remember that im here! have a good day!! good luck with the classes and all! take care<з

i love you so much my dear thank you for being here for me i am likewise also always here for you <3 take care

xxx

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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oceanwithouthermoon · 1 year ago

Text

this conversation started because i wanted to point out that neither of kusuos parents are inherently trying to be abusive and the blame shouldnt be pushed on one or the other so harshly so im gonna go ahead and say i got a little sidetracked and generally i agree with most of this lol

i personally still cant fully agree on kaidos mom though cuz like.. she obviously knows hes not happy with the way she treats him, and she DIDNT back down when he defended his friends, she DOUBLED down, yelling at him, telling him SHE'LL go tell them off if he doesnt and saying "wow thats the first time hes ever stood up to me.." when he walked away.. to me, this implies that she knew hes been holding back and she wasnt willing to listen to him at all, which is probably WHY hes been holding back.. and she only changed her mind when she thought they were geniuses.. and i really dont think she was trying to be very "open to change" considering all she cared about was getting him to study even more, she was entirely not focused on how unhappy he clearly is

plus, going through his entire room searching for porn magazines wasnt intelligent and proactive parenting, it was invasive and the fact that thats the one thing she assumed it might be is insane.. but this one might be a cultural difference tbh.. in america this definitely would be considered an abusive breach of privacy (like no argument here, it WOULD be) but im pretty sure they wouldnt agree over there soooo ig it cant be helped

plus, i think the whole looking through his room thing is just the consequences of her own actions because ur right, its not like hes gonna be honest with her.. but thats because he CANT be or he'll be punished or berated.. and also i really did NOT mean to imply that his coping mechanisms are healthy so if it came off that way, that is NOTTT right, i was just trying to say that its a coping mechanism due to the way she treats him, not that its GOOD by any means.. it really isnt.. kaido really does need to change but its going to be REALLY hard with how he kinda has this learned helplessness.. hes gonna find it really difficult to change and get help when hes learned he cant even be honest with his own mom..

his brother being able to be himself is a good point, but i didnt really consider that because i was kind of imagining that she was willing to enroll him in martial arts because she knows how weak and incapable kaido turned out☠️

but anyway.. ur totally right about ur general point that both mothers are doing their best with what they have access to, i just think that that has to be able to coexist with the fact that they arent treating their kids right, otherwise theres no legroom for them to change their ways of thinking.. love them though lol

maybe i am pretty hard on them but its because i know what its like to be a maybe autistic person living in a home like this.. i didnt get diagnosed until i was able to speak to a doctor freely without my parents involved, and i LOVE my parents to DEATH but thats just how it is and i feel like its the same for these two

unpopular opinion for this area of tumblr, beware+also abuse talk warning

admittedly, all the super casual bashing of saikis dad makes me really uncomfortable, like i dont totally disagree but i wish we didnt just all do it in the middle of other completely innocent headcanoning 😭 its never tagged or warned..

my personal opinions on kuniharu are not as extreme as some are on here, like i think he sucks but i dont think hes a genuinely bad person, he was just thrown into a situation he didnt know how to handle.. he reminds me of those parents who prepare to have a baby and get pregnant on purpose, but then the baby has a disability and suddenly, everything changes.. because they didnt prepare for this unlikely scenario, but it happened anyway, and now they have to figure out where to go from here.. kurumi and kuniharu BOTH made mistakes and didnt handle their genius/psychic kids in ways they shouldve, but its because they werent prepared for it

#okay im pretty much done though sorry ik u were done a while ago lmao

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puckgoodfaggot · 3 years ago

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5, 8, and 32 for all of them :3

5. what is a specific, defining physical feature that they have?

smidgen: i would say everything about him lmao. he's a 3'5" jet black tiefling with white hair and horns the stick out the side of his head asklgjdklg. like look at this boy (art by a friend who isnt online so sadly i cannot link y'all to him)

ránon: he's got a white streak in his black hair which is mirrored by his twin riell's black streak in her white hair but the kicker is that this is not naturally occurring. these two dweebs bleach and dye their hair even while they're adventuring so that they can look cool aklsdjgalsdkg.

maevik: he's actually a pretty normal dude outside of being a blue tiefling tbh?? esp considering he travels with a giant black dragonborn and a literal tree. oh wait actually okay what's defining is that he sometimes has tiger stripes because in a session from which i was absent he got bit by a weretiger and failed his con save which means i came back to my idiot monk the next session to find that i had weretiger stats.

8. what is the most interesting thing that they regularly carry on their person?

smidgen: most interesting to him is his bad romance novels, but most interesting to other people is probably his testosterone potions.

ránon: to me it's the vial of his own blood that he adds a drop to every night when he prays to the raven queen. to other people it's the pet raven (whose name is cork). to him it's whatever drugs he's gotten a hold of.

maevik: his notebooks full of research! during the first campaign he was in, he was in the middle of his doctoral research and just before the final few sessions, he got to go back to his university and defend his dissertation on the value of necromancy in anthropological studies.

32. what emotion do they feel the most often?

smidgen: love, in all its forms. he loves service, he loves sunlight, he loves his friends, he loves falling in love, he loves cold rivers and warm grass and the way joy (party's rogue and his crush) gets flustered and peace that comes with prayer and the soreness you feel after a day of working on the farm. he loves being alive. he has the biggest heart and gives love freely and joyfully.

ránon: is adrenaline an emotion? maybe joy. he's a hedonist through and through. as a follower of the raven queen, he believes that death will come when it is meant to and not a moment before, and no amount of playing it safe will save you when your time has come, so he lives his life recklessly and passionately as a sign of his faith that his fate is in her hands. he loves to seek pleasure in all its forms, celebrating being alive while he still is, knowing death will be a different kind of ecstasy.

maevik: confusion babyyyyy! this boy has an intelligence of SIX. but he loves to learn and study and work hard, so as he leveled up, his proficiency as a sage eventually outweighed his 'natural' intelligence (which is really just the result of the monastery he was raised in refusing to teach its pupils to read or write, so he didn't even begin learning til he was already an adult). he is constantly baffled but he works hard to learn every time he finds himself confused by something new!

thank you tess!!! i forgot how much i love talking about my boys

#ask meme #smidgen #ránon #maevik #long post

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wolfboyvirus · 4 years ago

Text

How well Arcana characters can read/write

(Im bored as shit yall)

Nadia:

The best reader and writer in all of vesuvia, can read the longest word to ever exist without hesitation and writes in the smoothest cursive youve ever seen. Sometimes she writes things on your skin like "my love" or something while yall r cuddling and if it was a normal person it would be great but all the swirls and curves just send you to heaven its fucking therapeutic. And, i forgot to mention she can read and write in like 3 other, way more complicated languages, and normally she isnt the type to brag but that is a serious achievement right there so how is she not gonna be like "oh of course i understand [insert language]. I can write in it too. Its rather easy, if im being honest." (insert smug smile)

Julian:

Is average at reading, nothing too special, but he's canonically the shittiest writer to ever exist. One time someone actually mistook it for genuine chicken scratch. Tbh he only learned to read and write because he needed it so he could do doctor-y things. However, he's fully aware that his writing is shitty so if you ever offer him any tips ("hey maybe make your o's by drawing a circle instead of a sloppy infinity sign") he will definitely take them.

Asra:

Before your death he couldn't really read or write at all but when he realized you had to relearn everything he learned all the shit so he could teach you. So now he's actually pretty good at it. Just a little under Nadia's skill level when it comes to reading, and his writing is just good enough to be actually readable (for you at least (he doesnt give a shit whether or not others can read his writing he just needs to make sure you understand it))

Portia:

She only just barely started learning a while back, so she's at the level of a 4th or 5th grader rn, but with time she's able to read literally anything. Unfortunately bad handwriting seems to run in the family since she's almost as bad as Julian. She's trying, just make sure to remind her that she should make a line straighter or a curve curvier every now and then and she'll be just fine. Also has a little trapdoor in her cottage leading to a little basement with a ton of books and paper she's dedicated specifically to her studies and there are cushions everywhere with patterned letters printed on them.

Muriel:

Actually can't read or write at all. Completely illiterate. He grew up homeless so he didn't really have anyone to teach him (except Asra but he didn't know either), and even after he ran away from the coliseum he didnt really need to learn. But, at a certain point you send him a cute love letter while ur traveling somewhere and he's like "wait i want to know what this says" so he learns the entire alphebet and like 37 words until you come back a week later and help him out. The only problem is that he has no concept of spacing or writing small so he can write "i lov yu" and it would take up the entire page. And the worst thing is that he finds he actually kind of likes writing and wants to keep a diary so he had an entire box of books full of writing thats slowly getting smaller and smaller and its actually a great way to track his progress but the amount of money you've spent on paper makes you wanna die. But it makes Muriel happy so who cares about bankruptcy right

Lucio:

He's barely any better than Muriel tbh. He sees you reading a book one day and he asks what its about (he doesnt like books but if ur interested in it then its probably good) and ur so focused on the story that you just show him the cover so you can keep reading and he's just like "...i cant fucking read that lmao" and you have to teach him because he starts to feel left out/insecure. He grew up in a tribe surrounded by violence and didnt really need to read and write to be a good mercenary so he had no incentive to learn. He only knows a few words because even though he usually got others to do work for him he did have to handle certain responsibilities as the Count of Vesuvia. So like he knows how to sign his name and initals and thats it. He really really wants to learn cursive like Nadia because it looks fancy but you actually dont know cursive so he needs to settle for normal writing like everyone else oof. He still prefers picture-based books but now he can enjoy that awesome novel u were reading :D

#the arcana #headcanons #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #portia devorak #asra alzanar #count lucio #muriel #nobody asked for this but #like i said i was bored as shit #also these headcanons don't take the heart hunter post cards into account so keep that in mind

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oceanselevenism · 4 years ago

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I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

#oceans 11 #oceans eleven #danny ocean #rusty ryan #danny x rusty #oceans 8 #oceans eight

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supergirl-writingz · 4 years ago

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Kidnapped Part 2

B!D deals with recovery.

Note: the doctor being named dr grey isnt actually like mer or lexie i literally just watch too much greys and couldnt think of another name haha also THANK U FOR BEING SO PATIENT W ME im really proud of this fic tbh and i hope u guys like it:) remember requests are always open

Warning: trauma, anxiety, therapy

It’s been about one week since you were rescued. You were doing okay. Everyone was trying to convince you to see someone, to talk about what you went through. You didn’t get why. You realized you have been through something tragic, but wouldn’t it be easier to just put it in the past?

Physically, you still had a long way to go. You were still cooped up at the DEO and you would be for a little bit longer. You had bruises everywhere, 2 broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken bone in your foot. But Lena assured you that you were healing properly. You trusted her.

Your least favorite part about everything, was the way people were treating you. They treated you as if you were glass, and if they spoke to loud or even held your hand, they would break you. You didn’t feel broken and you didn’t get why everyone wanted you to be. Lena was the only one who would tell you things how they were, straightforward with no holding back. You appreciated it.

Lena walked into the room, “Hey hun can we talk?”

You nodded, “Of course Lena what’s up?”

Lena sat at the edge of your bed, “Darling I think you need to see someone, you-”

“Not you too” you interrupted rolling your eyes, “I’m fine, I don’t need to see anyone”

Lena was patient with you, with a calm voice she said, “Y/N you can’t keep bottling up your emotions, it’s not healthy. If you don’t let this out you’re gonna have a breakdown. You’re not fine and thats okay.”

“I am fine” you snapped at her.

“Y/N, you are scared to sleep without sedatives and you haven’t talked about what happened to you at all. Let me help you, please talk to me, or Kara or Alex or a specialist. Please”

You turned your head away from her. You were embarrassed but it was true, you were scared of going to bed without them.

“Don’t sedate me tonight, I’ll sleep just fine”

Lena sighed, “Okay”

As she walked out she turned around and said, “You know we’re all just trying to do what’s best for you right?”

You didn’t answer. Lena walked out looking sad and defeated. You felt bad, she’s helped you so much. But you were tired of people saying you weren’t okay. You thought about sleeping tonight without the sedatives, truthfully you were nervous but you didn’t tell anyone. Tonight was Kara’s turn to sleep in your room, and she always made you feel safe.

Later that night, around 11, you finally fell asleep after tossing and turning for a couple hours.

All of the sudden you woke up with a start not knowing where you were. You were screaming and your heart rate was through the roof. Kara instantly got up and rushed to you.

“Y/N baby it’s just a dream! You’re okay!” she said calmly but loud enough so it would get through to you.

It didn’t help. You were starting to hyperventilate. Kara put her face directly in front of yours.

“Look at my sweetheart, breathe like I do” Kara said, breathing in and out slowly for me to follow.

You looked Kara in the eyes and started following her breathing. 5 minutes later you were breathing normally. Lena and Alex came rushing in, someone must have called them.

“Baby what happened?” Alex asked with a concerned tone.

Tears were building up in your eyes, “I- I was back there.. in my dream”.

“The room where it all happened?” Lena asked. You nodded, tears starting to come quicker

“It was so real, I could feel every punch, every kick. It was like I was back there.” you said, at this point you were sobbing.

Alex came close to you and put her hand to your cheek, “You’re safe now Y/N, he can’t hurt you anymore”

You pulled Alex closer and cried into the crook of her neck. While Kara was strong and comforting, there was something about Alex that made you feel powerful and in control. She was such a good directer at the DEO, even if things in her life were bad. Even when everything was going wrong, she had control. You needed that. You needed to be in control of your emotions, but you didn’t know how. You realized now everyone was right, you weren’t okay. But you still didn’t like the idea of seeing a therapist of any kind. You just couldn’t imagine talking to a complete stranger about things you can’t talk about to the people closest to you.

You started to calm down and stopped crying. You looked up at Lena.

“I’m so sorry Lena”, you said.

“Darling you have nothing to be sorry for” she replied softly.

“I was so rude to you, you were just trying to help” you replied guiltily.

“You’re struggling little one, whether you know it or not, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After what you’ve been through, we’d be more concerned if you weren’t struggling” Kara said.

“We just want you to feel better and we want you to know you have our constant support” Alex said.

You looked down and smiled softly. You didn’t know what you would do without these people. You didn’t think therapy was for you, but it seems like it would make them feel better, and who knows maybe it would make you feel better too.

“I’ll see someone”, you said quietly, “if you guys really think it will be good”

Alex smiled and said, “We’re only asking that you try”.

You got in a couple more hours of sleep before day time had come and it was too bright to sleep. You heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Lena and another woman you didn’t recognize.

“Hey hun, this is Dr. Grey, she works with people who have been through trauma” Lena said, trying not to overwhelm you.

She smiled a bright smile and said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you”

You took a breath and remembered how you told Lena and your sisters you would give it a try.

You reached out your hand and said “Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too”

Dr. Grey shook your hand then told you that Lena or your sisters could stay in the room, or it could be just them. You decided to give it a try alone with Dr. Grey. Lena understood and wished you good luck before leaving. You took a deep breath, talking to this stranger was making you feel anxious. You and Dr. Grey started talking, and quickly you felt more comfortable. You guys didn’t talk much about the kidnapping, she mostly just wanted to know your home and social life. You told her pretty much everything, from your sisters, your friends, Lena, and school. Dr. Grey was pretty easy to talk to. The only time the kidnapping did come up was when she suggested that you talk to your sisters or Lena about what happened. She said if it was out in the open, you might feel better. She made it very clear though that you should wait until you were ready. And just like that, your hour session was over before you knew it.

“Thank you Dr. Grey” you said.

She smiled warmly, “So we’ll be meeting again?”

You returned her smile and nodded.

About 2 weeks later, you were sitting in your bed at the DEO. You have been seeing Dr. Grey daily and it was helping a lot. All of the sudden Kara walked in and you smiled at her asked her to bring Alex and Lena into the room. Kara smiled and nodded, walking out of the room to get them. A few moments later, the three women walked in.

“So Dr. Grey thought that I should talk to at least someone about what happened, other than her. And I trust you guys more than anyone, so I want to tell you guys” you say, starting to feel a little anxious.

“That’s very sweet darling but we don’t wanna push you into talking about something you’re not ready to talk about” Lena said concerned.

You smiled, “I’m ready”, and they nodded.

You told them everything, from you walking home from school, to the guy grabbing you, to your surroundings, and on and on. You told them how they wanted to know who Supergirl was, and you shot Kara a warm look almost saying, ‘This isn’t your fault’. Kara gave you a small yet guilty smile. You took a deep breath as you started to talk about the torture. Your hands were shaking so Alex grabbed them into hers. You didn’t even realize you were crying until Kara wiped a tear from your cheek. You told them everything... you told them the beatings, about the whips and taser. You told them about the hunger, and how cold it was. You told them how you were so hopped up on drugs, you couldn’t even remember how you got there.

“The scariest part was when I lost hope, I truly thought I was gonna die there” you said. You finally looked up at them, Kara was crying just as much as you were. Lena and Alex had some tears too, but you could tell they were trying to be strong. You grabbed Kara’s hands and looked her in the eyes.

“But you saved me Kara, you’re the reason I’m still here” you said softly.

Kara pulled you into a hug and you felt her warmth and comfort, which then turned into pain from your ribs.

“Kara.. too tight” you said chuckling.

“Sorry” she laughed immediately letting go. The four of you sat there in silence for a while, enjoying each others company. Dr. Grey was right, you did feel better putting it all out there.

A few weeks later, you were making great progress. You were still having nightmares, but not every night. The anxiety meds you were taking were starting to help with the panic attacks too. You were still at the DEO, but you were starting to walk around though, with a boot and crutches. Your ribs were almost healed and your concussion was all gone.

You were doing great with Dr. Grey too. The only thing she was concerned with was that you didn’t want to leave the DEO. Of course you wanted to be at home, but you couldn’t get yourself to step out of the building. You felt safe in there. You had this fear that the man who took you would be out there, even though you knew he was in custody. Everyone tried to get you just to go on a simple walk outside, but your anxiety would kick in before you even got the chance. Today was going to be different, today you were determined to go outside. You haven’t been outside since Kara flew you to the DEO the day of the kidnapping, and you were barely conscious.. but today was different.

You asked Kara, Alex, and Lena if you could all go on a walk. They gave a little surprised look but didn't say anything, they probably didn’t want you to overthink it, but they realized how big of a deal this was. You guys were having a normal conversation, walking through the DEO. You stopped when you reached the exit. You felt Kara give your hand a little squeeze, letting you know that it’s okay. You took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked outside.

You were surprised as you felt the fresh air in your lungs. Everything looked greener than you remember. You spent so much time in the DEO, that you forgot there was life outside of the grey and dark building. You looked around at all the people, talking and laughing, and you were amazed at how good it felt. You quickly started to cry and turned back to your sisters and Lena.

“Oh baby why are you crying?” Alex asked softly, “Do you wanna go back inside?”

These were happy tears.

“I’m finally free from him” you said smiling, wiping the tears from your face.

They all smiled at you and were so proud of your strength and perseverance. You had a lot to work through still, but this was a break through. This was the first time since the kidnapping, that you were 100% sure that you would make it through this. You pulled them into group hug, silently thanking them for never leaving your side.

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tylerwritez · 3 years ago

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I was hit in the head with a brick today.

Its Monday, October 18th, 11:30. Jacob didnt show, he had a busy day, so I invited my bestie Elle over and she came at around 6pm and we hung out and baked brownies. It was fun, but our brownies didn't rise cos we neglected to add baking powder. I walked them to their bus stop in the dark... I was tbh worried they would die or soemthing... in the area I live recently theres been a murder and a few rapes of young kids happening when it got dark. But in the end I left them there and headed home, and they got home safe so it turned out good. I got monster for us at around 5pm but she didnt drink hers, so I have an extra for tommorow >:D they're the strawberry lemonade rehab kind, so they're 25cals each, which isnt bad at all. I had a lot of anxiety while I was waiting for Jacob to come over... I guess because I was uncertain about how the day was going to pan out. But it improved significantly after I confirmed Elle was coming over... proabably becos I knew for certain that SOMEONE was gonna hang out w me.

See? Even days that start off depressing, with you smoking alone in the cold, can end up happy. I think the therapy session at 4pm improved my mood quite a bit though... it felt like I was hit in the head with a brick... but in a positive sense of the phrase. I I soemthing important.

You see, for as long as I've felt pain about my past, I've had this self doubt. This feeling that I was making up my pain, that I was delusional, that I was insane, that nothing bad ever happened, that if it did, I should just get over it and let the past be the past.

The thing is, obviously stuff MUST'VE happened, if even today I cry to mention it. So my feelings were validated in a sense. I realized that how I feel is valid, and REAL, and it's okay to feel this way even if everyone else has moved on. Even if those events are in the past, they still hurt me, so it DOES matter!!!

It doesnt even matter who's fault it was. I can stop worrying about that. No matter who caused it, it's my responsiblity to do work to fix it. And really,,, my parents didnt do that on purpose.

So now I just need to let go of my emotional pain!!! And stop mourning!!! And I feel like I can do that, now that I KNOW how i feel is okay!!! Sorry for the excitement. I'm just optimistic. I'm happy and i could cry from happiness to have the life I have right now. I have such a happy life on a beautiful earth with lovely music and good kind friends who care about me and like... I have a therapist??? My parents got me a therapist??? It's like people are FINALLY listening to me,,, and I dont really feel as much need to cover up my obvious illness/issues.

It was very validating to me. The therapist asked questions, which I answered as honestly and clearly as I possible could... I even mentioned my past shoplifting and current nicotine addiction, because she said the stuff there stays there.

But the most validating part is... well, I've ALWAYS felt that the way I felt emotion was not... right. Too strong, too wild, too... inappropriate. This, added on to my anger issues as a child and later, my constant grief over my past... compared to others, I mean. I always felt SOMETHING was wrong with me. I could never really quite put a finger on it. But then the therapist,,, listened to what I had to say regarding that... and after the whole session, decided that she wanted to assess me for 1 thing (ofc she didnt tell me and I didnt ask, probably because i didnt want to go into the assessment with bias of any kind) but she wants to assess me for something, discuss the results of the test, and then send me to a PHYSICIAN, like a DOCTOR, like a DOCTOR like who usually deals with PHYSICAL illness??? The word she used was "pediatrician"... but I'm a teenager LOL, not a child (the prefix pedo,pedia, means "child", for example, a PEDOphile is a child-lover... so a pediatrician is a doctor who treats children... I get what she means, but I really dont see myself as a child anymore 😅)

Anwyays, she said she wanted to send me over to like a DOCTOR to discuss this... this feeling that something was wrong with me.

This means... THIS MEANS IM BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!! finally, someone who doesnt dismiss my ABNORMAL emotions and grief as "teenage hormones" or something of the like. I just. I'm happy that finally, people are listening to me! And taking me seriously! And caring about what I have to say regarding my feelings! And I can talk a bit more freely about this shit :) it's nice. I mean, I obviously havent reached the level of 100 PERCENT HONESTY with my parents, but I can at least still say more than I used to...

It's all falling into place yknow? I'm happy I didnt kill myself. I'm happy I pushed through to get to this moment.

I'm listening to my old vocaloid faves, and I think that's also helping boost my mood.

this, combined with the fact that I didnt grossly overeat today, makes for a pretty good day!

My therapist also said

1. Write about my grief... a letter to my parents. What I wish they would've done. And then tear up the paper and throw it out, or burn it up. I said that I'd done that already, but i felt like I could never say everything I needed to say, or even AGREE on the FACTS of the shit I was saying! But like... now I can sorta agree on the facts, since I know how I feel is valid and not fake. It's real! And I know now that if I need, I can write it out more than once!!! If I forget something, I can just write it out in addition, separately. And even if it helps me feel a LITTLE bit better, its better than nothing.

It's so easy to hold onto negative feelings. It's very hard to view things positively, or with happiness... like, okay. Happiness is clear, potable water. Sadness is dirty, gross water. Even a little bit of dirty, gross water mixed in with the clear, potable water, will spoil it all.

When you have clear water, it's easier to make it dirty than it is to make dirty water clean.

It's easier to ruin a good mood than it is to lift a bad mood, basically. So when discussing SAD things, it's hard to frame them positively, and once you start crying from sadness, it's very hard to stop crying and feeling that sadness and that PHYSICAL pain in you.

A good thing I can do is think of things I like about myself (I am adaptable and can adapt to almost any given situation, I am stylish and dress cool, I am able to face my fears (social interaction, Allioli our gecko, birds, heights) and things I'm grateful for (I live in a safe place with no war and clean water and I have food in my house and I have clothes in my closet and I have a computer and a phone and two dogs and a best friend and a few good friends actually) see? It forces your mind to, instead of looking for more bad, look for some good. Idk tho. I'm trying. I'm trying everything, because this is mostly up to me. If I really wanted to, I could ignore the therapists advice and keep being sad... but that wouldnt help me heal. Healing is hard. Healing is as much (if not more) my responsibly than anyone else's.

If I want to get better, I have to at least TRY.

One more thing... one thing that I found most helpful, more than just listing positive things, was breathing in, holding it... and then when you breathe out, making a sound to let your frustration out. And after doing this quite a bit, it feels silly, like, it feels stupid, right? So you kinda start laughing.

The best remedy to sadness is laughter, and not that sick kind of laughter you get when you realize how absurdly sad and pathetic you are... I mean REAL laughter, when something is genuinely, not ironically or post ironically but GENUINELY funny.

Maybe that should inspire my next MTG card (for art class I am painting MTG cards).

Anwyays, after that, you just, wave your arms around, wave your head around, jump even, just AAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAA GO STUPID. let it out.

That reminded me of back when I used to have more energy more often, I would put on music and DANCE in the dark at night like a crazy person and put on musicals and shit. It is a good thing to get energy into you and get it out.

I sound. so fucking stupid right now. I'm sorry guys... I dont really feel normal right now. I'm happy for the first time in maybe a whole week, like really happy in a way that I know won't end until at least morning. And I'm not used to it. And it's making me act stupid and optimistic and dumb and like a little kid. I just feel good about this whole thing. The idea of talking to a DOCTOR, getting my dad to take me to a DOCTOR, is FUCKING SCARY but... it's a sign that I'm being taken seriously.

Soemtimes I say the wrong thing, or dont oxmmhnicate accurately. But overall it was chill, even though I couldnt really accurately communicate my level of suicidality, I'm pretty sure saying "soemtimes I want to do it but I never will and I know that feelings are temporary" is kinda the same as saying "I dont want to do it", right? Either way, I'm not about to risk having my parents told that I'm suicidal over some little communication like that. We get the IDEA. Lol.

I did sort of attempt suicide once, but I didnt go through all the way with it. I downed maybe 4-6 pills? I did take over the amount I should've, and I got a horrible stomachache (probably my liver since it was advil) but I didnt die, go to hospital, or get any sort of damage. So I think i stopped just in time to prevent real damage. I think if I had even take one more advil, I wouldve been in hospital, just because of the pain I was in. And I read online that the way you die from it is extremely painful, can take weeks, doesnt work half the time and leave you alive, but with permanent liver failure/damage and like... it just didnt seem like a good method, so I stopped.

I honestly cant even fucking believe I even considered suicide over an argument with my mom. Jesus.

See, I can't handle adults angry at me. Even in the slightest.

The mourning and grief is insane, dude.

.... maybe I WILL get that stupid doll.

No... my parents cant afford it. But if they could, maybe I'd get it. Because that stupid BOY doll is very much a partial embodiment of the things that made me upset as a child.

Shit, now I'm remembering my teacher was mad at me for wearing headphones in class and listening to music and said to take em off kinda sternly and i legit broke down crying. Wow. See? The GRIEF... I downplay it because it feels stupid to me. I was never beat or anything. So why be upset? But it's there, the pain is there. That pain is... this whole blog. "Jude" and "Jesse" and "Owen" and "Father" and all that shit.... the drawing of a child being eaten by Jesus... the deer in the forest, that's all that pain... me trying to deal with it.

I just dont get why it hurt me so bad if it was, realistically, such a small slight. I think that its some intersection of the reaosn I'm going to the doctors, and my parents shortcoming... which I DONT blame them for! I was their first child, and I came out fucked up. What were they suppsoed to do? they didnt know better.

Soemtimes it feels like it wasnt fair. Like, maybe I DESERVED parents and teachers who DID know better. I was just a child. It hurt me really badly. I ditched classes to cry in junior high.

But that's me being mean. Sure, every kid deserves the best they can get... but this is the best I could get. Simple. It's still good! I have lots of things I'm thankful for. Life cant be perfect. And I have to be thankful for my pain. It makes me a man. Ariel said that pain and discomfort makes you stronger, shapes you. Any kind of discomfort is good for the person to grow strong. I think this is especially applicable, as a boy becoming a man. You need pain, discomfort, anxiety... to become strong man. So in a sense, I am thankful for my pain, because really, what would I be without it? Another annoying blond hockey boy named Hayden or Brody or Reid... no thank you.

Man this is so cringe. I really just pulled the "not like other boys" card huh.

I'm just trying to cope, okay? It's a crazy amount of pain. I might go to the doctors!!! Soemthing is wrong. I think that's the best news I've heard all week. Soemone else believes me that somethings wrong. An adult!!!

It's really something else to be able to cry in front of adults without being guilt tripped or yelled at or getting in trouble of some sort.

I'm gonna cry for my past self now. All this talk of him, I cant help myself but cry. He was ripped apart. That child, he was destroyed.

....

I feel guilty saying that knowing that I read an article where this kid was SEVERELY abused... I saw the pictures of this kid... in the cold, shackled, beaten, starved, held in stress positions, verbally abused, made to do horrible things, splinters in his lips... I feel bad saying that I had it bad when there are kids who are actually beaten and shit. Man. I'm so cringe. Im so terrible I should kill myself. Im a fucking faggot. Jesus.

.... but I wouldnt say that to my friend.

............ idk. Idk anything.

Well... I FELT destroyed, let's just say that. I FELT defeated.

But I wasn't >:)

Idk where I'm going with this... peace out yall. I love yall, I'm bout to sleep and cry.

#Spotify #SoundCloud

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hermywolf · 3 years ago

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ranking my favorite characters about random shit part 2

ranking my favorite characters (clarke griffin, dean winchester, fox mulder, rose tyler, newt, kaz brekker, samwise gamgee, charles xavier, bill denbrough, lord asriel, steve rogers, scott mccall, anna milton and barry berkman) about random shit. this is entirely self-indulgent

PART 2 : how many allies do they have/how powerful are their allies. basically how screwed they’d be if they had to rely on their allies to survive

1- DEAN WINCHESTER

yeah believe it or not im putting him before charles or steve. listen, listen; dean just. does this thing. in which he’ll get pretty much anyone on his side after like two conversations. ESPECIALLY incredibly powerful supernatural creatures. i mean he’s got sam, aka the second best hunter on earth, and jack, literally GOD, on his side; then obviously the dean winchester simp squad, castiel, a seraph and commander of garrisons who can get heaven to fight for him; benny, a vampire; crowley, a powerful crossroad demon and the king of hell; amara, literally THE DARKNESS HERSELF, god’s SISTER; and then there’s just SO many others who will fight for him for diverse reasons, rowena, eileen, claire, jody, donna, kaia, mary, anna, gabriel, DEATH HIMSELF was his bitch before billie, then ketch charlie kevin, he’s just got so many allies and so many are some of the most powerful creatures in the universe. i mean, jack, amara and gabriel alone are three of the most powerful beings who have ever existed, as well as billie and the other archangels but all of them are dead, and chuck but he’s also dead and even he would be on dean’s side since dean is his favorite and if it’s an actual life-threatening situation chuck would want the show to keep going. so yeah dean winchester’s got the biggest defense squad imaginable and honestly? good for him, he deserves it

2- CHARLES XAVIER

do i even have to say it? outside of his ability to. you know. literally control minds, he’s also a leader who inspires loyalty and trust, and he’s got all the x-men fighting for him, including jean and logan - and even if we’re being honest some of the brotherhood, i mean especially in the first class timeline, erik and raven would absolutely be on his side. he’s got some of the most powerful mutants of all time ready to fight for his life

3- STEVE ROGERS

I mean he’s the leader of the avengers, man. have you seen the avengers assemble scene? they were fighting against thanos there but don’t try to tell me all of them wouldn’t fight for him. he’s got the falcon, black widow and the winter soldier on his side as well as the SCARLET WITCH, CAPTAIN MARVEL, THOR, do i need to keep going. he’s got a huge reputation and everyone knows and trusts him. and as we can also see in all his movies he inspires loyalty and devotion easily so even with people he doesn’t know he can get himself a loyal army in one well-delivered speech à la captain america

4- KAZ BREKKER

while most of the people on this list (steve, scott, charles, dean, bill, newt, anna) are born leaders who inspire trust and loyalty, kaz is just. really good at blackmail and insanely smart and cruel. and he’s got an insanely scary reputation too. he’s got the crows on his side no matter what, so an amazing spy, the best sharpshooter in ketterdam, a grisha who survived parem, an ex-drüskelle, and a demolition expert; as well as now the entirety of the dregs and inej’s crew, probably. plus, he most likely has leverage on the entirety of ketterdam and more. if he got in real trouble he could probably dig out the years and years of blackmail he got stacked away and get himself allyships with anyone he wants. plus his allies are ruthless, diverse and all strategically selected

5- SCOTT MCCALL

he’s got his entire pack ready to jump to help him anytime. and really when you think about it his pack is so big and diverse, there’s all kinds of creatures/skills ready to help him, plus he’s a true alpha, any werewolf would jump to his aid. I mean let’s look at his pack, stiles, allison, lydia, derek, malia, isaac, kira, hayden, mason, corey, and then of course stilinski, deaton, melissa, chris and peter, i mean even theo... he’s got a huge pack who is extremely loyal to him and they’re all kinds of creatures too, he’s fine

6- ROSE TYLER

everyone loves rose SO much. like obviously the doctor will give his life for her without hesitation but we also got jack, mickey, jackie, and even a bunch of people she met for like a couple episodes like donna or sarah jane immediately loved her. so i think she’s ultimately got some pretty solid allies especially with her father’s wealth and torchwood’s support in the alternate reality

7- CLARKE GRIFFIN

im putting her pretty down because on one hand he’s got very powerful/devoted allies on her side, like bellamy, lexa, roan, nyilah, finn, wells, etc (the key of getting your allies to be entirely devoted and loyal to you is to make at least half of them fall in love with you OR to top them so good they’ll literally put their lives down for you because of how good it was and clarke got that down to an art) BUT they’re also like. all dead. like almost all the people i just listed are dead so. yeah she’s kinda on her own in the end but if we look at early seasons clarke before literally all of them got murdered she had skaikru, azgeda and trikru pretty much in her pocket, so three of the biggest/most technically advanced armies on EARTH ready to fight for her.

8- LORD ASRIEL

now he doesn’t have actual allies per say but he can manage to get pretty much anyone on his side through charisma, threats and promises, so he ends up steadily getting massive support from witches, angels and many others in the books. he can pretty easily get himself a bunch of followers at his side ready to die for his cause.

9-SAMWISE GAMGEE

now listen he does have a pretty solid bunch of allies, aka the entire fellowship, who they, themselves, have a bunch of allies, who have a bunch of allies. i mean homeboi’s got ARAGORN and LEGOLAS and GANDALF on his side all ready to jump to save the tiny hobbits anytime so he’ll be fine.

10- BILL DENBROUGH

he’s immediately got the losers on his side, which is a win because they’re stubborn and annoying enough that they defeated an alien demonic clown. plus they’re quite literally assembled by a divinity to destroy a demon, so they’re the perfect team to kick ass and they’ll risk their lives for each other. plus he’s got a fanbase! people read his books and watch his movies. meaning he’s probably got a pretty big part of stan twt ready to help?? idk man i just think he’ll be fine when it comes to allies

11- NEWT

he’s got the entire glade ready to jump to his aid pretty much at any time, i mean let’s be honest if there’s one person all the gladers would agree on defending it would be.. ok it would be chuck bc he’s a CHILD but otherwise it’d be newt. plus he’s alby’s second in command and even gally likes him and respects him more than he likes and respects most people, which isnt much but hey kudos for the effort. anywho yeah the entire glade would defend him i think

12- ANNA MILTON

she would’ve once had the entirety of heaven at her commands ready to smite anyone who comes close to her but now that she fell and rebelled they all want her dead so. i mean i wish i could say cas would help her but after he betrayed her im not so sure? and the winchesters well idk either, maybe, maybe not, depends whether or not the entire trying-to-kill-sam ordeal happened. gabriel might help her? idk where to put her because i don’t KNOW if cas, dean, gabriel or the angels would help her but if any of them did then even one of these is a pretty solid backup so. idk man

13- FOX MULDER

im only on season 4 but as far as i can see he’s got only scully. which is pretty solid backup, she can kick ass, but still. i guess it’s one of the downsides of everyone thinking you’re batshit insane and having the entire government out to get you because they all LOATHE YOUR GUTS SO MUCH

14- BARRY BERKMAN

I mean dude. he pretty much kills all his friends. like he could ask for chris’s help but umm well he killed him, if he’s in a bad situation oh great he’s got a friend at the police except NO he murdered her. what’s that? fuches? no barry’s literally trying to murder him as of now. sally wouldn’t help him at all. cousineau just found out barry murdered his gf. at MOST he can hope that noho hank will help but i mean he’s not much help tbh i love the guy but he’s kinda useless<3

#hermy posts #ranking my favorite characters about random shit

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