#but having typed so much already i thought id post it anyway

[boeingboingboing]

Let's talk ships today.

I'm going to spit out some personal headcanons about them. Few inspired by cetaceans!

I believe that ships with their disadvantage of size and limitations to only being in water, in a hierarchy, they wouldn't be the 'dominating' vehicle. I feel like if there was like a hierarchy, cars would be on the top due to various advantages in terms of size and their build. I mean in WoC movies we've seen cars take up many jobs, and the buildings or the cities are usually to their liking and comfort of living. Anyway, back to ships!

-> First, Evolution and types: I imagine that ever since boats came into existence, they were relied on by other vehicles like cars and such. And that grew onto them and became their sole purpose. I believe they evolved according to the new demands to fulfill their purpose. Various ships developed, such as cargo, passenger, vehicle carrier, warships etc. The only change in them is how technological they are. Like sail-ships becoming ships operating with oil, which is a change they took in to keep up with the demands. Pretty much how oceanliners were quite literally forced to evolve into cruise ships. How do they evolve? Maybe for example changing their build, as we know vehicles can modernise themselves, and those genes being passed onto their offspring.

-> Adaptation & learning: They tend to adapt to changes quickly. They are made to resist all sorts of weather, adapt to new environments, and job changes (Like Langley being turned into an aircraft carrier from collier). In learning part, they have excellent memory and learn basics of anything if thought right. Their analytical skills and reasoning skills are pretty good in most ships.

- Most who are built are raised strictly to be best for their profession.

-> General view: Gentle giants! I love to think of ships being the utmost gentle, atleast most of them hah.

-> Eating habits; Ships can go on without eating for long periods, as long as they are regularly fueled. However they are capable of consuming most foods taken by smaller boats or vehicles which they could possibly enjoy after those long gaps of not eating lol.

-> Sleeping habits: Ships sleep for rather short intervals. Due to their work, they've adapted such habits. Most ships are capable of staying awake for days. Mainly due to the rough conditions at sea and such. In calm seas, i imagine ships taking short naps as the crew onboard monitor them. And with their extensive usage in war, some warships and other ships as well have been able to sleep with half their brain at rest (like dolphins and whales!).

-> Flexibility; ships are surprisingly flexible to a certain extent. Mainly in turning to their sides and their front have section up and down. Although they are quite slow when doing so lol.

-> Reproduction: While ships are built, they are capable of reproduction. How do they do the 'deed'? Well, male whales have quite the interesting member mechanism. The whale can literally control/guide it. So yeah, that concept but with ships lmao (I watched a documentary that's how I know 💀). The female's gestation period lasts 1 year.

-> Sensory organs; their sight and hearing is usually very sharp. Sense of touch is slightly poor due to their huge build and material. Sense of smell is the poorest of all sensory organs of theirs.

That's it for now. I mean that is kinda alot. Anyway if anyone has any questions, i would gladly answer hehh.

[danielnelsen]

well this is what ive been doing for the past 2 weeks

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Random thought of the night after seeing your recent posts talking more about Killer and him not being a monster anymore.

Would that mean his SOUL wouldn't shatter after his death ? It would remain like human SOUL's do? Maybe he wouldn't even turn to dust?

If so, that would be the perfect thing to study for Killer, the SOUL of another version of him,the exact same SOUL as his. Might be more useful than testing random dust and SOULS since they're either monster or human and he's *none*

Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised at all if that little freak has already experimented on himself. It’s not like he has much self preservation beyond remaining useful and functional, and he likes pain.

Although id imagine if he intends to do more “totally gonna die” types of experiments, and the Boss says to not overuse his Reset abilities outside the battlefield without explicit knowledge or permission (or perhaps killer just wants to hurt and torture himself without the risk of being made too broken to make use of), he’d hunt down other versions of himself.

It’s not like it matters much to Killer beyond what he can gain from these versions of himself. Their deaths may be painful and slow, but they’d die in the end, which is what they deserve anyway. At least they were useful in their final moments.

As for if his SOUL would remain after death, possibly? Maybe his soul like, floats in the air, and if he decides to Load again and is still Determined enough to do so, his physical form comes back around/behind the SOUL. Like body horror??

But if someone else is more Determined or he has completely lost interest in living, perhaps his SOUL just shatters and cracks like splintering glass.

Perhaps instead of straight up dust, his remains would be a mixture of monster dust and human ashes when they’re cremated? No particular reasoning behind this idea, just thought it’d be cool. Maybe the dust/ashes also kinda have sparking hot embers, as if recently cremated.

{ @priskyd }

[coffinkissez]

twst pokemon teams - octavinelle

Jade Leech

Vileplume, Shiinotic, Parasect, Breloom, Vaporeon, Eelektross

thoughts: all I knew is that I wanted to give him shroom Pokémon and boy That Is What I did! Ik I wanted to give him a Vaporeon for I had seen a fanart of him with one and it was simply too cute to pass up (I’ll link it if I find it) and Eelektross is not a particularly shocking pick due to the Eel theming. I think battling wise his Pokémon would know a lot of moves that inflict shock/poison/sleep. I do think I missed the opportunity to give him Toedscruel, but I often forget gen 9 exists. I think he’d be particularly interested in Parasect and the whole thing it has going on? Idk

Azul Ashengrotto

Malamar, Inteleon, Glaceon, Psyduck, Mareanie, Clobbopus

Thoughts: My original thinking was Water/Psychic types and I believe Glaceon and Clobbopus are the only two that don’t follow that theme? Would’ve given him the evo of Clobbopus but i just dislike it so much I couldn’t. Id like to think the little guy is a new member of Azul’s team. Inteleon reminded me of him especially because of Sobble and I think it would be his ace pkmn!

Floyd Leech

Croagunk, Jolteon, Bewear, Sharpedo, Huntail, Morpeko

Thoughts: in terms of thoughts there were none I just went with what felt right TBH 🤷

anyways if there was a pkmn I didn’t explain ask ab em and I mightttt have a paragraph or six ready to explain why I gave it to em idk 🤷 also I already have all the dorms done minus savanaclaw n deuce it’s just a matter of me putting the effort into making these posts

[ashilrak]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️

I meant to do this the other day, but oop, here goes nothing:

HAUNT ME, THEN— (co-written with @mrthology)

Or, when Apollo cursed Kassandra before the Trojan War, it didn’t go as planned. Now, millennia later, Apollo and Kassandra are still stuck in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. Percy Jackson doesn’t know why people keep calling him Kassandra, or why he’s plagued by memories; all he knows is that he didn’t want to be a demigod.

There are a lot of reasons I have this as a favorite, but the biggest one is that this was a collaboration that has led to some big changes in my life and I couldn't be more grateful for it. It was also one I was just completely obsessed with while writing and took me through the emotional wringer, so bonus points.

The Murder Monologues (co-written with @theinevitablesense)

Stress came in many forms: work, pesky roommates, opinionated best friends, and attractive coworkers. Similarly, stress relief also came in many forms: knitting, music, cooking; Strangling people in their own homes. To each their own.

Bet you didn't think you'd see Hamilton on here lmao This is another collaboration and one that was genuinely so, so, so much fun to write. It is completely unlike anything else I've written, features a ship that doesn't really exist, and is such an off-the-wall AU. Like yes it's a Hamilton fic, but also. We played fast and loose with how criminal investigations work and talked about it like it was a comedy. We had a playlist that slapped featuring Razzle Dazzle from Chicago. If there's any fic of mine that could have its serial numbers filed off it's this one. Genuinely fun as shit and one I think about a lot.

See The Beast You Made Of Me

Percy Jackson thought he was done with prophecies, but the mist acting up means that it’s a revival or death. The Gods are calling for Rome to conquer and they want Percy to lead. Who better to shape their new Emperor than Apollo, already enlisted into Percy’s service for punishment? — Apollo grins down and leans in close enough that Percy can taste him. “I will make you greater than Augustus, more majestic than Hadrian, as clever as Marcus Aurelius," he says. Then with a flash of teeth, Apollo adds, "and as merciless as me.”

There are a lot of things with this fic I think I'd do differently now, and had I been the type to write in full and edit before posting I'm sure it'd look very different. But, I'm proud of this fic in the sense that it shows a lot of growth for me as a writer at this point. Obviously, I still have a lot of room to improve (and like to think I have since writing it), but it was a bit out of my comfort zone and I had a lot of fun pushing myself with it. Another one that's a bit off the wall, but sometimes that's the vibe.

Too Much To See Waiting In Front Of Me

Or: Paul takes Sally, Estelle, Percy, and Annabeth along on his family’s annual beach vacation

This is a simple one-shot, but it's one I love. I don't normally re-read my own writing, but this one I have. I don't know, it's cute and sweet and domestic and I like it.

Go On Shore (And It's Time For Us To Leave Her)

Or: Poseidon ventures west to see what's kept Ares so busy and finds a woman he can't get out of his head. Luckily for him, her time is for sale. Unluckily, Zeus is wary of any potential offspring and is sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Sally and Poseidon both know how this ends; they can't help but fall anyway.

This might be another surprising one but, this is one of those ideas I just got really into. It's a historical Posally AU. I don't do much with Posally but boy is it something I love and have thoughts and feelings about. One of my majors in undergrad was history and I wrote a thesis on the economic and social pressures of prostitution in the Early American Republic which is where this idea came from. It was fun to jump back into that and bring in little tidbits while also playing with the idea of the Gods sticking their noses into the revolution and following years.

I've only included summaries to give a better impression of tone/vibes. If any catch your interest, please please please read ships, rating, tags, and warnings closely 🩷

[seenoversundown]

Sparrow Of the Dawn : Chapter 2

Warnings: Drinking, Self deprecating humor, otherwise fluff - unfortunately comedic themes.

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary : Sam unfortunately finds himself in not so meet cute with Willa. Hopeful that he doesn't cross her path again; the world works in mysterious ways and not always in your favor.

Author's Note: I was too excited for you to meet Willa officially, and want you to love her as much as I do! The official posting schedule for Sparrow of The Dawn will be on Sundays. Things are only beginning for these two and boy does it get GOOOD. 💜

You’re So Vain - Carly Simon “You’re so vain You probably think this song is about you”

Honestly speaking, I don’t even know why I’m here. Dating is not something that is hugely important to me. I like my independence too much and really there is nothing a man can do for me that I can’t already do for myself. I said what I said. But Katie swore up and down that this guy, Jeff, was a good guy, and I needed to get out of the house. Or, at least, I thought I wanted to get out of the house until this morning. 

My roommate Quinn has been going through a terrible, messy breakup with a complete ASS of a man. It’s their first break-up I’m going through with them; even though we met in college a few years ago, they’ve never really dated much. In my attempt to cheer them up, though they don’t seem like they really need it, I went to the farmers market to grab them some flowers and ran into another complete ASS of a man. It has left me feeling a bit hopeless regarding the male species. 

So anyway, here I am.. At a bar.. On a first date. He clearly put a lot of effort into this. He didn’t bother to get out of the car when he came to pick me up, didn’t open the front door when we got here, and he’s wearing a Celtics jersey over a white t-shirt and Timberlands. Not exactly my type, but I'm trying hard not to let my shitty day sour my mood and attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt. I, however, wore a short black sleeveless dress with a high neck, a black leather blazer jacket, tights, and ankle boots because I was trying to impress him. Like I said, the difference in effort is astounding.

After getting our IDs checked by the tall, curly-headed bouncer, we settle into a booth toward the back, looking over the paper menu at the drink specials. I’m surprised there isn’t a QR code menu here. I heard the owner of this place was fairly young, and most places nowadays use QR codes over regular menus.

“What are you going to get?” I ask Jeff, trying to make conversation. He’s busy looking at his phone instead.

“Huh?” not even bothering to look up at me, “Oh, uhm, I’ll probably just get a bud light or something.”

Riiiiight, okay. I really should have stayed home. I let out a huff of air, resting my chin against my hand. Bored with lack of conversation and an underwhelming date, I take to people-watching. There’s so much life in this bar tonight, such a stark contrast to the man sitting across from me. People in their costumes, brightly colored wigs, all adorning smiles and laughing loudly. The red hue from the neon lights and colorful display of the jukebox only added to the atmosphere. Carly Simon sings to me through the speakers. I close my eyes, listening to her words, I always loved this song. I wonder if he’d even notice if I left and weaseled my way into one of these stranger’s tables instead. No, probably not. 

“So, do you want a beer or something?” Jeff asks plainly. 

“Yeah, I’ll just have one of whatever you’re having.” I don’t even like beer that much. I’m more of a rum kind of gal. Something tells me he wants to be here as much as I do and doesn’t actually care what I’d like to drink.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” I give him a small smile as he gets up and heads toward the bar to place our order. At least he’s starting a tab for us; I can count that as a win. 

My eyes scan the bar once more, searching for a form of entertainment, when I spot him behind the bar, standing next to a shorter man with a mustache who looks eerily similar to him. The guy from the flower truck. They’re both staring at me, but only one of them has the decency to look away when I make eye contact, and it's not the flower guy. What the ever-loving fuck is he doing here? Does he work here? There’s no way he’s the owner. No way. Right? I avert my gaze as Jeff returns with two bottles of Bud Light, sliding me one across the table. I internally sigh, knowing this date is going to drag. 

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Maybe if I squint, my ears will start to focus and listen to what Jeff is actually saying. I have no idea what he’s been going on about, but I swear it’s been  half an hour, and I’ve retained nothing. Is he talking about sports? His job? A hobby? 

“I think they’ll probably end up making a trade,” he says, his phone still in his hand.

Literally no fucking idea. It's not like he’s taken any interest in me or made any attempt to make this conversation anything other than one-sided. I opt to search for him again, curiosity taking its hold on my eyes. 

“You guys all set?” Flower truck guy says, right behind me. It startles me so bad I jump a little, causing me to knock over my half-drunk beer. 

“Shit,” I say, standing up and trying to find some napkins, “I’m so sorry.” God, can this night get any worse?

“Oh fucks sake,” Jeff says just as it spills onto his lap. “Are you kidding me?” All he does is glare at me with his hands up, helpless. Yes. Yes, it can get worse, apparently.

Flower truck guy sets down the towel previously stored in his back pocket and starts to wipe up my mess. Great, I’ve spilled my drink on my date, and as boring as he is, I still wanted to make a good impression, and the guy who took all the irises I wanted to get for Quinn is now cleaning up my mess. I can’t believe how much of a disaster this is right now. 

“Katie didn’t say you were so fucking clumsy,” his annoyed tone is like knives against my brain. 

“It was an accident, Jeff,” I say, throwing him back some attitude. 

He takes the towel right from Flower Boy's hand and starts to try to clean himself up. In realizing it's a bit too wet from mopping up the table he tosses it back to him. 

“God, girls,” he rolls his eyes and elbows Flower Boy, “amiright?”

“Yeahhh, don’t bring me into that commentary, champ.” Flower boy raises his eyebrows. Jeff scoffs at him and turns, heading toward, what I can assume is the bathroom. 

I sit back down in my chair and rest my head in my hands. “Good god,” I say aloud, mostly to myself. I can count on two hands how many times I’ve thought about the fact that I should have stayed home. Next time, I’ll trust my gut. It’s damn near never led me astray. 

“What a winner you got there, dagger fingers.” 

I lift my head then and glare at him for the second time that day. Dagger fingers? I don’t care how unsuccessful my date is going or how much of a douchebag he just was. I will not let this man get the better of me again. I take a deep breath in through my nose, trying to calm down.

“Would you be happy if you just got a drink spilled on you? No, I don’t suppose you would be.” I try to lay the snark on thick. 

He looks around confused, “Last time I checked..Yeah,” he shakes his head up and down aggressively, “Yeah, I do work in a bar. Do you have any idea how often that occurs?” It's my turn to scoff. “You really shouldn’t defend that guy. He’s a dick. He brings all his dates here. He was literally here two days ago with a different girl. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.” He reaches for the discarded towel and walks off. 

Oh, this guy. The fucking audacity of this guy. Who the hell does he think he is? I immediately grab my pocketbook and jacket and stalk after him, following his footsteps all the way to the counter where he’s handing the shorter guy from earlier the tray and towel he had been holding. 

“Do you know what your fucking problem is?” I huff out, jabbing him in the chest with my finger. You call my fingers daggers, and I’ll use them as such. I set my purse on the counter to my right and slip on my jacket. 

Mustache man lets out a loud laugh, “Oh sweetheart, you don’t even know the half of it.”

“Uhm.. Ow?” he says, rubbing at his shoulder. “And you, shut up. I wanna know exactly what my problem is. This should be good.” He crosses his arms against his chest. Waiting. In my flurry of anger, I hadn’t exactly worked out what his problem actually is. Just that he seems fucking arrogant and has been a thorn in my side one too many times today. “She doesn’t even know me. She’s just accosted me, twice in one day, in fact, and is now making assumptions based on nothing. Thanks for that, by the way, I don’t know how I got to be so lucky.” he finishes. 

I can see the surprised look on Jake’s face in my periphery. “Aww,” I place my hand on my chest, “cute of you to talk about me already. I’ll tell you, I am a bit surprised, though, considering you think you’re the only person to walk the planet. It’s like the whole world revolves around you. Flower Boy’s world, and we're all just livin’ in it." I emphasize my sentiment with a dramatic roll of my eyes. 

Another howl of laughter escapes the peanut gallery to my right. Flower Boy rubs his fingers across his chin, eyes narrowing on me. “Yeah, I’m clearly the problem here. But it’s not my date that’s sneaking out the front door and leaving me with the bill, now is it, Babydoll ?” He raises his eyebrows toward the entrance. As I follow his line of sight toward the door, I just make out the back of Jeff’s head as it closes behind him. Wonderful. I turn back around, and my eyes land on the smirk resting on his lips. If he wasn’t so cocky in this moment, I might appreciate that smirk. The thought alone only serves to fuel my anger.

“Hey,” Jake says, tapping the bar rapidly to get our attention, effectively drawing my gaze away from his lips, “Listen, I would love to listen to you humble Sammy boy here. But you’re slowly entertaining the entire bar. Either talk it out quietly or go get some fresh air… Please.” 

I pause to glance around at the eyes trained on us. A wave of embarrassment washes over me. Taking that opportunity to dig through my bag, I pull out a twenty-dollar bill and slam it onto the counter, looking Sammy Boy directly in the eyes. “Thanks for the amazing hospitality, Jake. I’ll make sure to give you a 5-star review. You deserve it, dealing with this schmuck.” 

As I exit, I pull out my phone and step to the side, trying to order myself an Uber now that I’ve been abandoned. I swear to god, Katie is never going to hear the end of this when I see her next. I tap through the app and hit another extraordinary stroke of luck today. There are no drivers available. The heavy creek of the front door opens, and Flower Noy.. Sammy pops his head out. There is nowhere for me to hide, fuck.

As he approaches me, he has his hands up in mock surrender. “Look, why don’t you just have a seat at the bar? We’ll get a replacement drink.. On the house, you can just hang out for a bit.” He then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out my twenty from earlier and hands it to me. I snatch it from him with a bit more force than I intend. Why is he being nice to me now? And why is it so irritating? 

My phone vibrates in my hand, and I swipe the notification. A driver has picked up my ride, oh thank god. 

“I’d rather rot in hell, actually.” I regret the words as soon as they're out of my mouth. I regret them even more when I dare to look him in the face. I may not like him, but it's not his fault my date was an asshole. He’s just the unfortunate person to continually be on the receiving end of.. Well me. I can feel the will to stay angry start to dissipate as the guilt takes over; I’m more tired and ready for this day to be over than anything right now. 

Sammy just sighs loudly, mumbling under his breath, “Not sure why I even bother,” before disappearing back inside. Ugh. 

When the Uber arrives, I slide my phone back into my purse and hop into the back seat. Thankfully, my driver is a man of few words, in lieu of conversation, I instead let the words of ‘Crimson and Clover’ dance around my ears. 

“When she comes walking over

Now I've been waitin' to show her

Crimson and clover”

I lean my head back against the headrest, my emotions hitting a breaking point. I really can’t remember the last time I suffered such a series of unfortunate events. Finally boiling over, a single tear spills from my eye. Wiping it away quickly, I shake my head. You do not cry. I tell myself. You do not cry.

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I shut the front door to my apartment and lean against it. The highest, feral scream escapes my mouth, and I slink down, sitting on my heels. I hear Quinn’s footsteps and a quick shut of their bedroom door before I see them round the corner. The heavy thuds running to my aid. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you okay?” They say exasperatedly, hanging on to their bedroom doorway. “You’d have thought you were being murdered with a scream like that.”

“If I lay down on the floor, can you just drop something heavy on my skull and put me out of my misery?” I look over to them, displeasure written all over my face. They make their way into the living room sitting on the couch and propping their feet up on the coffee table.

“I take it the date didn’t go well?” My only response is a glare. “Do we need a therapy session then?”

“How much time do you have?” I frown. 

They take their phone out of their back pocket, tapping a few times. “Yeah, my schedule is clear tonight.” Sending me a small smile. 

“I just.. Urrrrrgh,” I stand in a huff, shrugging off my jacket and discarding it next to my purse on the floor. “I definitely should have never left the house today. Period. At all. For anything.” I whine. Taking a moment to unzip my boots and kick them off, adding to my pile, and finally sliding my feet into my comfy slippers.

“Firstly, there was that whole guy and the flowers I told you about this morning, right?” The sounds of my slippers scuff against the hardwood floor as I pace back and forth. “Then that date Katie set me up on, Jeff? Boring as hell. I mean, he immediately gave me ehh vibes when he couldn’t be bothered to come meet me at the door, but.. Whatever. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.” I dramatically wave my arms around. “Because I’m trying to be nice and not close myself off. We get to the bar, he can’t be bothered to look up from his fucking phone at all. Then, guess who I see there? AT the bar?” 

“.. who?” Quinn inquires

“The fricken GUY from the flower truck! The world is too small, I swear to GOD. ANYWAY.” I run my hands down my face. “So Jeff finally decides he wants to speak actual words to me. Does he ask me any questions about myself? NO, he just rants about I dont know, only god knows what because I couldn’t fucking tell you. Flower guy sneaks up behind me to check on our table because I guess he works there or something, and he scares the SHIT out of me, and I spill my drink.. Where? ALL over Jeff's lap. It was sooooo cute.” I drop my arms to my sides, and my hands smack against my thighs. The sound reverberates through the open room. When I look back at Quinn, they’re staring at their bedroom door. Weird but okay.

“I’ve pretty much prayed to the cosmic universe to swallow me up at this point in the evening but then what happens? Arrogant Flower Boy decides to sass me about my date, so I yelled at him. His brother behind the bar was cackling, listening to the whole thing, and then he basically kicked me out. Well.. he told us to shut up or fight outside essentially. And then flower boy.. I don’t know, tried to make amends or something and offered me a drink on the house, and I kinda told him to eat shit...” I push my lips out and give Quinn an innocent side eye, ready for them to read me for filth. “.. and poked him.. Again.” I add, finally. One could say I didn’t handle the course of events correctly today. One could even say that I was a tad bit more rude than necessary. One could say that, not me but�� ya know, one could. 

“So,” They pause, “how cute is Flower Boy?”

“I mean, he’s got a really great smile. Even if he only uses his mouth to talk shit – Hey. Wait.” I hold up my pointer finger. “Out of everything I've said to you, that's where you ended up?”

“I mean, I’m not going to say you spent more time talking about him than your date.. But you spent more time talking about him than your date, Wills.” they glance down at their phone. 

I cannot help but defend myself. “That’s because he is single handedly the most annoying person I have come across in the last like.. Month.”

A ding comes from their bedroom, and I look towards their door with my eyebrows raised. If their phone is in their hand..

They clear their throat, “Sure, so did you want solutions, or did you need to yell?” They rush out, “Because if it’s solutions, we have a bat in the closet, and I have some knitting needles in my room. Bricks out front by the porch, whatever you need.” They let out a chuckle. 

Putting a finger to my chin, feigning deep thought, I reply, “That’s not a half-bad idea, Quinny, you may need to put that on the back burner. I do feel a bit better now that I’ve word-vomited some of that out. Thank God I never have to see him again, though.”

“Happy to be obliged, madam. You know I'm always here for whatever you need. Venting or violence, I’ll be there,” They stand and take a bow. “However, I do think you’d feel a lot better with a pamper session. Ya know, face washed, mask applied, those weird little eye patches you put on.” Shooing me a little bit and heading toward their bedroom. 

I curtsey in return, “You’re right, thank you, my liege. If you’ll excuse me, I shall retire to my bedchambers for the evening. Because this bitch is tired.”

“Goodnight, Winslow,” they call back to me from their bedroom doorway. 

“Goodnight, Quinndolyn Christie.” I giggle.

“That is Ser Quinndolyn Christie to you.”

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I run a makeup remover wipe over my face, taking off my makeup from my failed date. Finding the smallest bit of solace in my nighttime routine and ‘me’ time, Quinn suggested. And you know, they were right. I do feel a bit better wiping off my makeup. I splash some water on my face, creating a slick base for my cleanser. As it foams on my face, I think back to my evening. Honestly, what a mess. 

I hear Quinn giggle and shuffling. That’s weird?

Then I hear a loud thud. 

I turn and feel around for the door handle, eyes closed so I don’t get my face wash in them. That would hurt like a bitch. 

“Hey Quinn, you okay?” I call out. 

“Huh? What?”

“I heard a noise.” trying not to get too many of the water droplets falling off my elbows on to the floor below me. 

“It was just the knitting needles I was talking about earlier. Was just prepping them for battle. Make sure they were at the ready.” They giggle again. 

“It sounded a bit heavier than a knitting needle.” 

“Are you sure you’re not hearing things? You should get your ears checked.”

“Okay keep your secrets then.” feeling my way blindly back to my bathroom to wash off my face. 

As I apply my various serums and moisturizers, my thoughts find their way back to Sam. Sam. No. Not gunna go there. 

I start whispering to myself, “I bet he doesn’t even need to do all this stuff. Stupid, perfect skin on his stupid, perfect face. Probably only uses bar soap. And it’s probably the same bar of soap he uses to wash his ASS.” Yes, that’s it, talking out loud to yourself is completely normal, Willa. Please keep going. I groan internally. “Ridiculous freckles on his ridiculous cheeks bet he’s never heard of SPF specifically for the face. What he should be doing is investing in an exfoliant for his stupidly perfect but chapped lips.”

Woah, now, Willa. What the fuck?? No. Go to bed.

I stare at myself in a mirror for a long minute before I rush to turn off the light and jump into bed. I settle in and wait for the soft plush of my blankets to lull me to sleep. 

When I wake up, I look over at my clock. It’s 3:15 a.m., and my first thought is Sam.

Fuck.

<- Chapter One Chapter Three ->

Masterpost | Taglist

Taglist 💜 :

@gvfsstardust, @myleftsock, @mindastreamofcolours, @imleavingyoufornewyork, @dont-go-home-without-me, @literal-dead-leaf, @lizzys-sunflower, @threadofstars, @mackalah,@klarxtr, @ourlovesdesire, @writingcold ,@edgingthedarkness, @takenbythemadness, @i-love-gvf, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf, @violet-hayes, @anythingforjtk

[rodolfoparras]

I'm keeping my eyes peeled and y'all better leave my husband alone 😤

Also I love all the 'fucking a homophobic asshole' fics they're chef's kiss ✨ something so elite about the concept, especially paired with ownership/breeding kink?? Putting a collar on him and calling him your dumb puppy?? Pressing a hand on his stomach while fucking him and telling him you'll will breed him and get him nice and pregnant so everyone will know he is yours?? Oh and he claims he hates it but he will jerk off to your words next time he's alone and horny...

ANYWAYS- the ashtray is super cute, I love how it looks! You did such a good job with it! I've been away because of already mentioned stuff but also because I started playing new game called Wuthering Waves. There are so many pretty boys which I love but I especially love three. Jiyan because I'm such a sucker for dragon coded characters??? And he's gorgeous?? There is Calcharo who is your typical dark and brooding and angsty (and wolf/dog coded!!) type who looks so much like Sephiroth who I also adore. And the main antagonist....his name is Scar and he is little shit who flirts with you regardless of gender of your mc and he's such a nuisance and I need to fuck him-

-🔮

Aaah sugar bee thank you so much for reading it and for enjoying it!! It means so much!!🥹 BUT HELLO SUGAR BEE?!???!3; YOU CANNT JUST DROP A DELICIOUS CONCEPT LIKR THIS AND PRETEND LIKE IT NEVER HAPPEND PLS EXPAND THIS OR POST THIS PLEASE ID LOVE TP READ IT🧎🏻‍♂️🧎🏻‍♂️🧎🏻‍♂️🧎🏻‍♂️ lord I rmr a post where a couple was out and this random dude snapped his finger for whatever reason and the bf went yes sir? And now I’m thinking of training ur homophobic dude like that having him react to finger snaps while in public? Practically exposing himself in front of everyone there?? Also the breeding kink need him to tell me how disgusting I am how gross that is men can’t get pregnant but he’s leaking all over the sheets at the sole thought of it Jesus Christ

and thank you so much sugar bee that genuinely makes me so happy bc I spent a month on just shaping it and it’ll probably be a month on the paining bc I truly do not know what I’m doing like I’m just playin around and see what sticks😭

Sugar bee is this maybe like the arcana game? Is it a mobile app or can you only play it on desktop? Either way it sounds like so much fun! I’d love to try it out (totally not for the petty boys of course but for the plot duh)

[soundbodys]

AMBROSE BASSFORD: autism?

hi!!!! welcome to part 1 of "i've got some thoughts on adamandi" >:) i have some other analysis that i do want to share about other things, not just randomly diagnosing fictional characters! but this post is about ambrose being on the autism spectrum <3

i'm not a medical professional by any means, but this is just coming from both my experience as an autistic person and the research i've been able to do about the disorder. and other people's experiences! please dont come for me if things are just a touch inaccurate. without further ado: lets fucking gooooooooo!

[ID: ambrose bassford with his hands on vincent lin's shoulders. he is looking into the distance with a determined look in his eye. vincent looks towards him with concern. end ID]

(please excuse my terrible quality screenshots. um. yeah.)

i'll also preface this by saying that yes, much of this is also informed by his status as a transgender student in the early-mid 1900s. i still think it's fun to analyze and compare my (and others') experiences to his!

THE MARMORIUS SOCIETY

[ID: preston monterey and adrian farthington (or miscellaneous marmorei) putting a letterman jacket on ambrose. ambrose is smiling. there is a caption at the bottom reading "rooftops that nobody frequents where secret societies meet" in all caps. end ID]

firstly, i will address the marmorius society. i'm fairly certain that the marmorei in "word to the wise" are meant more to represent the then-present-now-past members that welcomed ambrose freshman year rather than preston and adrian, but thats ok. what matters more is the subtext in word to the wise that we can glean from the choreography and interactions between ambrose and vincent. beginning the song, and similarly his freshman year, ambrose struggles to fit in like each of the other students entering ardess. he initially seems more comfortable interacting with vincent, but then gets taken in by the marmorei. this is exactly where his mannerism and attitude shift

here, we see ambrose fitting in (or, making an attempt to) with the other marmorei. from vincent's account, we know that ambrose's actions and behaviors almost completely changed after becoming part of the society. this is a really roundabout way of saying hey, ambrose found a place where he thinks he might belong! rather than learning and adapting to normal and regular social rules, he latches onto and mimics a very specific subset of people. to him, they know what they are doing and they have a way of being social that he can't understand so he mimics instead of just adjusting the way he already was. this mimicking makes a bit of sense in that he's not quite conforming to social cues (he still doesn't exactly fit in), but he's trying to. it feels to me a bit like how it is to feel alienated from your peers, even though you are trying your hardest to mask. of course, his "off"-ness is also contributed to by his transness so take that as you will.

2. WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?

[ID: ambrose is standing facing vincent. vincent is facing him with his hands to his back uncomfortably. the caption reads. "i've been looking to include more variations in body type." end ID]

this one is shorter than the marmorius society bulletpoint. actually, most of them are. that one is long winded. ANYWAY, ambrose is kind of... interesting when it comes to his interactions. specifically, he encourages vincent to join the marmorei by saying he's been "looking to include more variations in body type." to him, he's being completely honest and genuinely wants vincent to take interest in his phaethon project. unfortunately, to both vincent and much of the audience, this comes off as comically insensitive at best or offensive at worst. this comes from a lack of awareness of social cues, similar to the lack of knowledge of social norms from the previous bulletpoint. while he knows how to conform to the marmorei, there is still a lot of social cues he needs to work on. often, autistic people will speak bluntly and honestly in their communication. this is really not that far off, even if it was just a little gag!

3. OMG, SENSORY ISSUES!

[ID: caption reading, "he didn't eat the apple because he said he didn't like how its flesh felt on the skin of his thumbs." end ID]

kind of self explanatory. all metaphors aside, ambrose doesn't like the flesh of a peeled apple on his thumbs. i understand (<- i loooove peeled apples though)

4. BLACK AND WHITE THINKING: IF NOT ME, WHO?

[ID: lyrics reading, "if i was stronger i could fix this; / cut the bad and leave the good / be the marble and the sculptor / like my father says i should." end ID]

[ID: lyrics reading, "so my parents and my girlfriend / my closest friends and you / will know i deserve their love / once there's no more work to do / there are only three people who'll be perfect in their eyes / me, myself, and i" end ID]

two screenshots! often, autism causes what can be called "black and white" or polarized thinking. it's like, there's only one solution or there are only the extremes (although, this isn't to be confused with the black and white thinking associated with BPD. i don't have experience on that but ive heard quincy and vincent can fit the bill). for ambrose, there's only one solution to both his dysphoria and distorted self worth: becoming the perfect man by... becoming marble or whatever. as if there is only ONE way to do this, without alternative methods. i sometimes find myself in the same spiral, and have meltdowns either when it doesn't work out or if i'm offered an alternative solution that goes against what i thought might work. even in the second screenshot here, we see that he thinks the only way to earn love is through this specific task. he cannot be unconvinced, even if vincent tries to offer him an alternative solution.

5. WHY APOLLO, BOYS?

[ID: ambrose is hanging off a ladder, his hand out and mouth open singing. the caption reads, "apollo's look is yours: sound body, sound mind" in all caps. end ID]

this is where i dip more into the headcanon territory than i already have. i couldn't really include every screenshot where he talks about a) apollo, b) sculpture, or c) fitness. this is kind of part of his character in general but i like to think of it as his special interests. it's remarkable how many autistic people i know who have majored in something related to their spinterests (including myself! in a way)

6. DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, LIN!

[ID: vincent awkwardly puts a hand on ambrose's arm, ambrose looks at him longingly. end ID]

ambrose... did not interpret the social cues correctly in the scene directly after "sound body, sound mind." it's really just written in the text, but just in case, i will remind you that vincent pretty much says "hey, i kind of strived to be like you because i had this incorrect assumption of who you were, sorry about that lol" and ambrose took it all wrong and thought this was a romantic advance. he just... didn't interpret it right. honest mistake, but a very common mistake among autistic people. and, unrelated to the autism thing, his comeback isn't smooth at all lmao

THERE YOU HAVE IT! i'm sure there could be more to be said, but my hands hurt (disability) and i can't think of any more off the top of my head. feel free to add on with anything you want to say!!!! thank you for reading!!!! here's the sillies for you, as a reward for getting this far :)

[ID: preston, ambrose, and adrian with their arms on each others' shoulders, stepping in sync. end ID]

[mycoblogg]

Hello. How r u? :)

Have you spoken about the "schizophyllum commune" yet?

Its a type of fungus I saw here on tumblr but idk which page I got it from. If you spoke about it already then dw.

I heard this fungus (mushroom? Idk the difference) has over 23,000 separate genders (mating types) which I think is hella neat :)

Anyway hope you have a great day. I love ur blog so much <3

hey !! i'm okey, thanks for asking, & i hope you're alright, too :-)

i don't believe i've spoken about them, yet, but they're honestly a fascinating species.

so, first off, this fungus does produce mushrooms, so you can call it either !! "mushroom" is the term for the fleshy, spore-bearing fruit body of a fungus.

about the mating types - yes !! it has 23 328 distinct mating types (different from genders ; *slightly* different to sexes, but more similar). of these types, most are compatible with each other !!

another interesting fact is that they are thought to be the cause of a few fungal infections - specifically those affecting the lungs. on a few occasions, they have also caused allergic reactions & sinusitis.

schizophyllum is derived from the greek word schíza meaning "split", which is also mentioned in it's common name, split gill.

i'll be happy to post a FOTD about it, soon :-)

[iD: a photograph of the split gill mushroom growing from a tattered, decaying log in the foreground. the mushroom consists of three fungal bodies. the insides are vein-like & brown, while the edges are fuzzy & white. the background is blurry shades of green. end iD]

[caelfyrekin]

source (picrew)

nepeta meowtherfucking vantas??? wait a minute thats not right- or is it?

long story short i was messing around just watching videos with paw gloves on like a cat therian sometimes does + i was feeling kinda shifty but not in a directly feline kind of way? very much nepeta, but i still felt kinda mutant-y at the same time + ive kinsidered nep in the past but it didnt fit right until i was like... bloodswap??? bc i already knew/headcanoned nep as transmasc/catgender (plus a bunch of other cat related genders) but then if you add the vantas/mutant (or mewtant lmao) side of things it just makes sense??? long story short my ass im so vantas coded

anyway yeah so like thats a possible kin, the picrew image above is definitely the vibe

more rambling below the cut ig

so as i was pondering/kinsidering a little bit, the name "pawllux ampurra" rolled into my thoughts + wouldnt leave so i guess heres sollux ampora to the best of my ability with picrew

source (picrew)

hes also a transmasc fella, probably just types like erisolsprite lets be honest idk anything else about him except his trolltag is probably twinAquariums (nepetas in this case is catnipGeneticist)

eridan megido could be caligulasArisen i just thought of that as i was typing this post hmmm id have to do more thinking on the others idk i dont have an image for him yet but i might go do that

[coconutcows]

Hello fellow fans and collectors, I have a question!!!

Is there a site or something similar for identifying Monster High accessories, clothes, shoes, etc????

If there isn’t (that anyone knows of) I’d like to make one, a database of sorts, so anyone who wants to identify doll pieces can go to that instead of posting somewhere and hoping someone will be able to ID it.

My thoughts right now are to start it as a tumblr sideblog because I can’t afford a website and don’t have much tech know how on programming and things. My biggest issue with using Tumblr for this is that it’s search function is pretty Shit so if anyone knows any alternatives please let me know (or a tumblr theme that lets you have links to other pages, then I could make separate pages for characters or accessories for people to go through rather than relying on search).

My plan is to take pictures solely of different pieces and face ups with a description underneath as well to be accessible. Each image would be tagged with the Character, specific doll, and type of accessory so for example “Draculaura, Original Signature Draculaura, MH Earrings” for Dracs safety pin earrings.

I have a sizeable collection myself for getting decent images of everything, but I don’t have everything. One of the reasons I’m thinking of Tumblr is to get some help from the community on pieces and dolls I don’t have, I suppose I could make a google doc to simplify things if anyone wants to help? That may be the easiest way for people to submit pictures easily if they wanted to help (I’d give photo credit too). And if anyone wanted a specific item ID’d they could send it in an ask. I also have ample time to go through stock images myself to ID things, so I can do most of the IDing myself

Anyways, if you read all this thank you!! Please please please respond if you have any thoughts or opinions this is something I’d really like to do if it’s not already out there. The focus would be MH for now

[evildoombringer]

hi nakamura (i'm. not entirely sure which name you prefer to go by,,)

i. don't really know, personally, the depths of hurt that came from min leaving can't claim either. to understand what your going through right now

you both seem really close. it was always funny, to  read ur asks that you'd send i remember reading the "happy morning" one you sent and it had like this image of a smiling kid for some reason, for like a solid 5 months i just thought "oh cool, so that's what they look like:0" before i looked back and thought, "huh wait. they always added (very funny,  mind you) meme/pics to their asks. was that pic a meme too-?" and only then did i realize lmao

looking back on his responses, i can almost hear the amused tone or, however min would react. lol it was nice to see him talking to people who cared about him

im. not really sure what to say, without coming off as like.. pretentious.? but. if i can just assume for one second, from the asks they'd answer of yours, to everything i hear about min from all the people who know him, i. i. assume he really cared for you, and. i assume you cared for him as much.,

i dont. know your situation, at all. min had. already made up his mind when i even found his blog. so, just. i hope you'll be able to make a decision, you'll be. happy with

the future could get better. it could get worse i can't really see which one it'll be. i don't understand how close you and min were, at all but know. you arent alone im not sure, if you need to. understand or know someone to be there for them,but from the looks of it, min was. never really alone if he had you. so,i hope you also know your not alone there'are people here for you

im sorry. this is probably, meaningless to you in hindsight i just. yeah. in the end, whatever you choose is your decision but. your not alone im sorry if this comes off as assuming.  please. feel free to ignore this ask, if it oversteps in anyway or is just uncomfortable. i know sometimes one might just want- to vent and let it all out and the to have that acknowledged or responsded to might be. uncomfortable i. hope i didnt come off that way

but .yeah,

nice to. meet you by thw way. O(∩w∩)O (im sorry the kaomoji is so out of place jhsjsh i just remembered that one ask u sent hh)

hi custard

it hurts that he's gone, obviously, and i just haven't been on Tumblr for a minute, so seeing everything again is having a terrible effect on my psyche (ill live though haha). im just super weird about him and i realize that uhh nobody really knows that. but I'm super . . weird about him and uhhh yeah and um i regret everything lol

im surprised you thought i was a young chinese boy :sob: but. i understand how you could make that.... mistake.....

did you know the :smile: :sob: thing is a discord reference? :sob: is 😭 and :grimace: is 😬. if you're on a phone and u type the emoji out it should probably pop up, and the same thing happened on discord so he. um would do that when posting on Tumblr too out of habit, and i guess it eventually became a Min-Pal staple haha

and yeah he definitely cares about me, and im mad at him because he cares about me and left me his emails and shit to take care of and he did that because he knew im. weird and needed more than old messages and tumblr posts and i . m glad he did do all that and i love having some stuff to hold onto like his Spotify but. it's just upsetting i guess, since you know, id rather have him.

its really funny seeing how other people view him, to me, at least, i guess since i got to see not just him being bad-pathetic but him bad-bad in general (and I'm not going to explain further than this, as i, despite claiming to find it funny, am happier than not that he died with a t least a somewhat positive. Uh. Perception.)

idk I'm not like, a great persoj, and i did Just let him die instead of going to unimaginable lengths. and I regret that everyday, but he was so steadfast. he just didn't care anymore , and he had me to talk to but it was like he didn't care about trying (because once he decided he'd died, what really mattered past that?) Ssorry this is all so congested and contradictory and I make no sense

and, id love to believe you when you say stuff like "you're not alone" but it's terrible because I really am. like it's out of personal fault, but even the people I feel as though I could go to for help, I coukdnt bring myself to,, not when it's anything Too serious,, not to mention the fact I just got dumped because he said I was 'unhealthy' (after 10 months of reassuring me that its ok if I am cuz he'll help... but that's. A whole different thing and has nothing to do with min and I'm just bitter and bringing him up out of.... bitterness.)

and im glad u left the ask mikey i really am

idk it's just kinda sweet. now I feel more like angel and saki..... Auuuhhuhhh

i don't know what to do in any regard currently though so I think I'm just gonna continue mourning something that's been gone for a year now. Someone. and being bitter and upset, and reminiscing and trying his memory into music I like (and emailing my bf. [not considering him an ex] [email cuz he blocked my number] obsessively until he decides to take me back)

[kart0]

I found a hack to start eating again !!! Me fanboying over food ?

Ok I'm super super excited about this. This is daniyuu lore guys it's very serious: there was a time when I seriously considered studying gastronomy and pursuing this career. I didn't want to have a restaurant or be a chef, I really really just wanted to learn more techniques and improve my abilities. But then I thought "hell no id rather DIE than make this my life. I love cooking and baking and this is my fucking hobbyyyyy !!!!" And then I chose arts lol

As my previous update, and some other posts, I mentioned having an eating disorder ! And I think I've rationalized enough to overcome it ? Like bro I honestly feel like a superhero rn no joke. Disclaimer: this is what works FOR ME. I'm not saying this will work for everyone who's struggling with an ED. This is MY own experience !

Ok so I have trouble with consistent eating, and trying new things. ARFID: avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

My current safe food is basically: cauliflower, neoguri/shin ramyun, and monster energy drinks. And popcorn.

I know, I KNOW, those aren't super healthy or...nutritious, BUT IN MY DEFENSE: eating anything is better than not eating at all !

Anyways, after being kinda sad that I miss food, and miss feeling happy when eating, and miss cooking, I've finally come to terms that: I can guarantee I will eat, if I cook my meal. Sounds very basic because it is ! If I am the one cooking, I'm the one who has control over EVERYTHING. I can choose my seasonings, my ingredients, my own method. I know what's in there, I know what I will be having, and I will be having fun ! I will associate food with my happiness because I will be happy cuz I love cooking !

I really really miss cooking and since I'm on my uni break my mom and sister have been asking me to cook more meals, and I've been doing that. And enjoying so much !

I feel so happy when all my family praise my food. I really really do think, hmmm, I did a great job.

And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a very good cook lol

Last year I was responsible for picking and making our Christmas AND New Years menu. I carefully planned three meals a day for a week, and administrated my family to help me out. like a real chef would do ! By the way, my family members have a lot of restrictions: sister mom and aunt: lactose intolerant; dad, other aunt: can't have too much salt; mom and aunt: gluten free; me: literally the pickiest eater ever !

And every time, literally no joke, I would ask how did they enjoy my meal ( I mostly did all the cooking while they would prep the ingredients ) and they would ALWAYS say it was awesome and good and most importantly, tasty. I felt this rush of emotions and I'd always think hm, this was worth it. I'd be tired my legs would be sore but my tummy would be full and I'd be happy. It was worth it.

Then I got very bad and totally stopped eating, I wanted to lose weight and I did, I lost a LOT of weight but I also felt so bad and I literally was very close to passing out all the time.

I cut off some foods specially meats, idk they just.. started grossing me out. I always hated pork so that was never an issue ( no I don't like bacon ) , and I was already a picky eater and would only eat some type of meats and cuts ( I hate hate hate cartilages, skins, fat lol ) but then I just. Stopped eating red meat, and then I got even more restricted from eating chicken ( chicken breast is the safest cut and meat for me ) and I'm not the biggest fan of seafood.

Anyways, I had to take blood samples and well I now have iron deficiency 🥴

Got sidetracked I'm sorry but I really really like talking about this ? Since it's like...my hobby I guess. Ok so I stopped cooking cuz it was too much work and effort and I wouldn't even eat it in the end. So I just, stopped.

My birthday is coming up tho, and my sister wanted us to go to this restaurant that I've been wanting to go for AGES !!!!! ( More daniyuu lore: I love cooking shows specially Masterchef ) And there's this restaurant from a Masterchef winner and I wanted to try her food for sooooo long. But when my sister told me this I actually got very, very sad. I thought, it'd be a waste of money and time. I won't eat anything. Not only do I rarely eat, but when I do, I tend to eat very small portions. And I thought DANG IT this would be SUCH a waste of opportunity.

And then, my secret weapon: actually, two secret weapons: my THINKING, and my STUBBORNESS.

Thinking, I could come to this solution. And stubborness, cuz I will follow through and this will work.

Came to the conclusion that the only way to start eating again, is by making meals I'm proud of, and excited to try. Yes !

I've been saving some videos of different foods to try to make and I've been sooooo excited !

Only problem is that I fucked up both of my arms cuz of the last post ( sakuatsu baseball ) ( I locked in too hard and drew for 8 hours straight.... ) ( don't do that )

And now I'm in so much pain I'm trying to not do anything and just rest ( not working cuz my family keeps asking me to do chores and stuff that needs a lot of arm strength . I got pissed off cuz they seem to worry but in fact don'tgaf - so this hasnt been working ugh ). Even writing this post makes me feel like there are electrical wires on my hands wrists elbow and shoulders. I shouldn't be but I'm so excited and I need to post this before I forget. I can't lose momentum ? Idk

I'm very excited too ! I've always been curious about vegan food and vegetarian options, which is kind of funny since I'm not a big fan of many, MANY, vegetables.. but seeing them being prepared in ways I've never tried before actually make me feel so happy and curious ! Maybe I will like them then ! I just need to find a way to make them to my taste. Isn't this so exciting ? The magic of genuine curiosity and passion is literally flowing through my veins. I'm so, so happy I found my love for cooking again !!!!!! I can't wait to be fully healed and better and cook these awesome meals.

( by the way I used to joke to my sister that I'd be a vegan vegetarian super Nature vibes when I'd turn 30 - I was like, 11 at the time )

I'm so, so excited. Also, important note: my mom doesn't really season food... Since my dad can't have too much salt, and she can't either ( she takes blood pressure pills ? ) she will put a PINCH of salt. And that's it.

It was kind of sad....

Anyways, I found out I really really like caeser salad and some veggies if they're actually seasoned lol

Ahhhhh I'm so happy ! I feel like I'm actually gonna get better ! I'm planning to make a wonton soup cuz it looks sooooo gooooood ! ( Yes it is pork. No I won't eat the pork. I hope I won't find pork on the market... And then I can search for ground chicken meat. Heh. Probably won't find ground chicken tho. ) I've never had wonton soup so I won't be sure if it's like, good, and the real deal cuz I won't have any data to compare but ! A boy can only dream

And then, I want to try and make more salads ( I love salads ) and also ! I want to make my own pickles ! We don't have a lot of varieties here, it's always the same two or three brands. And the pickles are never crunchy which makes me so sad. They're also very mild and have barely no flavour. WHERE'S THE PASSION.

Also I want to try and make a filet-o-fish from McDonald's. I really like those but they were discontinued, plus, I'm boycotting McDonald's ( and a lot of other brands as well ) and honestly, McDonald's is super expensive here anyways.

And my food is better 🤭🤭

Its funny cuz I'm a very insecure person, but when it comes to cooking, bro I am very proud of myself and my skills. I do in fact cook and I'm...the best cook in my family 😬

It makes me happy that you can see ( and I can see too ) how happy this make me. I really enjoy cooking. I'm really excited to cook again. And I'm very, very ecstatic to eat. Wow !

I'm very proud of myself.

[spaciebabie]

Answer game! Who ARE your ocs?

i have a lot of em tbh. katherine, vanessa, angel, nebulous, ect ect. tbh when i put that tag i was hoping some nebbie simps would come in skfjdskfjdk but its okie i havent posted much abt her anyhow. and there's not a lot i can say w/out spoiling something 😔 (but if u have questions abt her please please please ask them 👀)

ive talked abt some of my ocs in depth under my "oc stuff" tag as well as my "two" and "the war organization" tag if you're interested. oc stuff doesnt get as much traction as my other stuff so it makes sense not many have seen them ^^;

anyways. i thought that maybe id use this ask as a way ta talk abt 2 of em a bit since i finished their ref sheets awhile ago!

(✿◕_◕✿) im not entirely satisfied w/their armour but its a start :3. these guys r kinda gimicky tbh. besties who obsess over romance and romantic shows n junk. schuy is a......bit of a sterotypical character in the way that she acts towards someone specific. tbh im still tryna figure out amie! she's been a bit of a "idk" character for me beyond her relationship w/schuy. they both enable each other's bad behavior lmao. im noticing that a lot of my characters form trios w/one another and the third oc that would b part of this trio is citrine :3

citrine and ametrine are siblings and citrine's the 19 yr old older sister who's just like. done w/these goofy ahh teens. they're all guards in training (although, citrine should have graduated training and become a guard already) and come tagether once a week ta watch cheesy romcoms tagether :33 also they're someof the few guards in training that acutally live in Rexica Manor 👀 due 2 their parents or sister holding important positions.

beyond that, they're just your run of the mill teens goin ta highschool, obsessing over romantic interests (mostly schuy), and preparing for their step inta adult life :)

schuy is all sunshine and rainbows, citrine is an angry and brooding almost 20 year old, and amie is a sarcastic mean son of a bitch. shuy is also one of my characters who has a voice claim!! i imagine her ta have a bit of a deeper harley quinn type accent, maybe not as exaggerated tho.

as of now they're kinda background-y (minus citrine) i like them a lot tho so im tryna find ways ta incorporate them inta the story better. also guess what phase i was in when i named schuyler. guess.

[sequesteredschizo]

cw // suicidal ideation & self harm 

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't 

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind. 

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[paramorearchived]

August 5, 2013

Transcript:

private jet to southwest

whatttttt a riiiiide this last month has been. first of all, i'd just like to say that i'm updating our livejournal after having read through every single livejournal post that we've ever made from the very beginning. it was all incredibly inspiring for me, for some reason. i am the most tragically nostalgic person i know. and i love it. so anyway, it's nice to be back here giving a little update on things. we are on a flight home right now. i still can't get over wifi in an airplane. we almost didn't make this flight because, after making it to florida on our big pimpin' private jet (nicknamed "chicken sandwich" - don't ask) , we got to the next airport and the two men checking us in were having a pretty difficult time just doing the simple tasks like, counting our baggage, collecting our ID's... you know, things like that. it was like being on episode of Come Fly With Me. (Please check this show out if you haven't already... it's the same guys from Little Britain). Anyway, they kept us at the check-in counter for... oh, I'd say about half an hour. At some point we just had to laugh. Then miraculously, we found ourselves at the gate and boarding our flight with about 5 minutes left til take-off. None of it really matters though because we are almost home! Mexico and South America were both wonderful. The weather was way way colder than I thought it'd be. I basically wore the same outfit the entire trip because everything else I'd packed looked like I was headed for some type of summer beach getaway. I was so excited to actually try and look nice on this tour, too! My flannel shirt and leather jacket just smell like a month on the road. I feel so bad for all these people on the plane. Most of which have come up to us and told us they're Paramore fans! It's a warm welcome back to the states but man, I'm pretty embarrassed to look like this much of a scrub in all the photos we've taken with folks on the flight. The coolest part is the variety of people who seem to be getting into our music now since we've put out the new record. Very exciting.

Well, this nearly pointless post is getting cut short because apparently we're descending into Nashville. YEAH!! Can't wait to see the family. Eat at all my favorite places. Relax. Thanks so much to all the people who came out to our shows over the last month. Your passion is overwhelming and incredibly humbling. We had a blast!

Alright, I really better be going now. Ps, everyone, Teen Choice Awards this week. I may pee my pants. Or skirt. Or whatever I decide to wear. Thanks again everyone for all your support as of late. It's insane to have a song doing well on the radio and to have all these fun opportunities and tours coming up. We'll see you guys really soon!

love, hayley