#but has she considered i need to pretend this isnt going on at all times to remain my beautiful repressed self?????

[darcyolsson]

going to this massive family reunion today and i already know ill have to excuse myself at some point bc my energy levels simply can't handle a long day and i already am embarrassed by it even though im literally not even at the reunion yet i hate my stupid baka life 😭

[thelov3lybookworm]

Can I request a cardan x reader fic? Anything you want to write! Just gimmi my baby there isnt much of him on this app.🥺

Weeping heart

Summary: Y/n has seen cardan go through lovers like they're wrappers of chocolates. One in his hand before the previous is even in the dustbin.

Now he has found Jude, and she does not know what to do.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: anon thank you so much for this request! i love you so much for this. It was such a good writing exercise honestly. This is mainly pining, maybe angst.

Also, this marks the beginning of me writing for characters outside of the acotar universe, so I'm very excited

also I didnt tag anyone because the general taglist i have was for acotar.

(i might be down to write a part 2 👀)

(not proofread)

Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

She bit her lip as she stared up at her best friend, trying to contain the smile that threatened to overtake her features.

"Let me see that smile, beautiful." He grinned lazily at her, his dark eyes twinkling under the rays of sunlight that penetrated the thick canopy of leaves above their head. They were currently seated under a weeping willow, hidden away from the whole world outside. Where only the two of them existed, and nothing else mattered.

The place was special to Y/n and Cardan. This was where the two of them would meet all the time, just the two of them, away from their friends and family. In here, they didn't have to pretend, didn't have to act like everything was okay. They could be themselves, and not care about getting hurt.

He leaned closer to her, searching her eyes, his eyes and features softer than Y/n had ever seen before.

"Shut up." She mumbled, but that action had her lips splitting into that smile she was trying so hard to supress.

His grin widened. "There we go."

His hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb absently brushing her lower lip, his gaze following it with a hungry look. Then his eyes lifted to hers, a question in them.

She dipped her chin almost imperceptibly.

That was enough for him, and he leaned forward, his lips getting closer and closer to hers.

She let her eyes fall shut.

But the kiss never came.

•○🌑○•

She opened her eyes, wondering why he hadn't yet kissed her, and found herself staring at the ceiling of her room.

She blinked blearily, wondering what the hell happened, and then she realised.

It had been a dream.

She closed her eyes again, heaving a sigh as she willed herself to go back to sleep, back to that dream, hoping he'd kiss her before she woke up again.

Of course, that was very nearly impossible.

Because someone decided in that moment that it would be a good idea to knock on her door.

She was certain she knew who it was.

Still she called out, demanding the identity of the knocker.

The answer was immediate. Cardan.

She groaned lowly, dragging her hands down her face.

He didn't wait for her to let him in. The permission wasn't ever needed between the two. That hadn't changed. Yet.

The next moment, he had barged in through the doors, a grin on his stupid face.

She sat up, trying to look anywhere but his face. Heavy emphasis on trying.

"Y/n, guess what happened."

"I am not in the mood, Cardan."

She winced internally. She was being cruel. He had done nothing wrong. It was not his fault he didn't know of her feelings. She had no right to be rude to him, especially when he was so excited about something.

He wasn't bothered by her lack of enthusiasm. He simply plopped down on her bed as she climbed out of it, getting ready for the day as he launched into a story of how after last night's revel, Jude had told him to wait in their bedchambers while she walked into the closet, her skirts swishing around her legs.

How she had retuned without it.

Y/n tried not to pay attention to the details, but she couldn't help it. She had never been able to ignore what Cardan said, never been able to let anything he said go unheard. He had spent nearly all his years being unheard because no one considered him worthy of their time.

She had long ago decided that she was not going to be one of those people.

She heard everything, and her torturous brain created all the images Cardan's words conjured. Her traitor of a heart clenched, but she ignored it.

"That's great Cardan." She said when he finished speaking, and when she looked at him, he was practically glowing with happiness.

Y/n felt guilty for being jealous of the mortal who had everything Y/n ever wanted, but she couldn't bring herself to care when her heart was breaking into pieces everyday.

"It feels like I've waited for this an eternity. Never thought I would get to have Jude in my arms."

She gave him a smile. "I need to meet up with some generals this morning. I need to leave."

He nodded happily, straightening from where he'd been lying on her bed. She watched him walk out of her room, a knot forming in her throat, her resolve hardening.

She needed... she knew what she needed.

•○🌑○•

Jude had her eyebrow raised, and it concerned Y/n how a mere mortal's judgement could make her nervous.

"Tell me again why you want to go on this mission?"

Y/n reigned in a frustrated sigh. "There is no real reason. I just wish to explore the Elfhame more."

The look Jude gave her told her she saw right through the act. But she didn't push the mater.

"There has been rumours of a rebellion on the other side of Elfhame. If you really want to go on this mission, then you need to know that this is an incredibly long and dangerous mission. You'll not only have to investigate the place, but also squash any hint of rebellion you find."

Y/n gave Jude a smile. "Sounds amazing."

"Sure it does." Jude's eyes narrowed as she continued. "If you need more time away to, as you say, to explore, then after you finish this quest, have a tour around Elfhame and meet up with people who have associated with Madoc before. Make sure they are not plotting something behind our backs."

Y/n dipped her chin in a nod. "When can I leave?"

"Before the week ends."

"So does that mean I can leave right now too?"

If possible, Jude's eyes narrowed further and she stood. At that moment, the door behind Y/n opened, and she stiffened as the smell of his perfume reached her.

"Y/n! I thought you were in the meeting with the generals. What are you doing here?"

Y/n smiled stiffly, turning to look at Cardan.

"I had something important to discuss with Jude." She gestured with her hand.

Cardan nodded, as if that was the most understandable thing in the world.

"What were you talking about?"

"Nothing-"

"She is leaving on a long mission-"

Jude and Y/n spoke up at the same time, and Y/n had to resist the urge to smack her forehead.

Cardan's head swung towards Y/n, and he stared at her with wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out.

Y/n turned to Jude, letting some of the fury at her secret being revealed show in her eyes. And then she smiled tightly. "Could you send that list of people and areas where the rebellion is rumoured to be to my room? I need to begin packing."

Jude's eyebrows were high, but she nodded. Y/n bowed, then turned on her heel and strode away, ignoring Cardan and the way he was trying to gain her attention.

As she left the room, she heard him following and calling for her, but she ignored that too.

Just the way she had always ignored her weeping heart, the one that beat solely for Cardan.

The one that was broken beyond repair now.

•○🌑○•

[artdcnaldson]

ok ok ok so i have a thought for pats sister au, i mentioned it a while ago cuz someone was talking about something similar

this isnt like that smutty and slutty, but i need them to also just be a little bit happy. and as much as i love love love mean art, i do need him to be a little bit sweet to her now

but im thinking now that he's like fucking her at every chance he gets, that means hes spending a lot of time with her in general. including parties!!!! they start going together instead of just leaving together. not officially or anything because it would undoubtedly get back to pat, so they're just going with a few mutual friends and pretend its a group thing. its also easier for art to pretend like he doesnt just want to be with you and only you. maybe this party is at a sorority instead of a frat, so art lets his guard down a little. there arent as many guys who art knows, meaning even less guys who might happen to know patrick. and hes not too concerned with all the girls considering girl code or whatever.

so he lets himself party more than he usually would, lets himself drink that extra drink (truthfully a few extra) and stand just that bit closer to her (very much closer, practically leaning against her), he even dances with her, something he's never done with a girl. they lean in close when theyre talking, anyone who didnt know them would assume they were a couple, or at least well on their way to becoming one. TIHI!!!

its a pretty rowdy party, art is shocked he thought the frat parties got out of hand but this was wild. before either of them realize it, theyre both wasted, having the time of their lives, but definitely drunk. their friends have started heading home, but they decide to stick around and keep the party going. his arm is around her, hand on her waist slowly but surely wandering down to rest on her ass, accompanied by the occasional squeeze just to make her fidget. hes letting her get close to him. its nothing too suspicious though, no kissing or outright sexual touch, with the right words it could be explained away as friendly, in case patrick should hear about it.

BUT art is drunk, and drunk stanford art is a party boy, i believe this in my heart and core. he is getting reckless, forgetting about patricj and that he's supposed to keep discreet. he is doing shots, hes making her do shots, hes making any- and everyone do shots with him. and im thinking its one of, or both of, 2 things.

hes taking a shot and then spitting into pats sisters mouth

i see this happening like spontaneously, maybe there's only one shot left in the bottle and art has the genius idea that you'll just share it. she doesnt get what he means but he'll just show her. takes the shot, leaves it in this mouth, grabs her jaw and brings her real close to him. she thinks hes going to kiss her, but he pries her mouth open instead, tilts her head back, and spits the shitty liquor right into her mouth. hand tight around her jaw to keep her in place, eyes on hers, just like when he spits in her mouth fr

OR/and later in the evening

2. tequila body shots

this i see happening as just a sudden idea art has. and hes insisting its a great idea, and he'll even let her start so it doesnt seem like hes just trying to get her naked. so he lays on like a sticky, honestly downright nasty, bartop. he takes off his shirt and ugh he just looks so fucking good. pats sister is getting so possessive with all these girls around ogling at her man lol, shes all too eager to mark her territory. so the way weve always done it where i live is tequila poured in the belly button, salt in a line up the chest and lime in their mouth so you have to kiss them to get it. ive learnt from going to international school that thats apparently not universal? let me know about that cuz confusing? how else?

anyway. she takes the shot off of him, taking her time lick up his chest and even longer to get the lime from between his lips. its not like people are really looking at them, but even if they were those two are too drunk to notice or care. when its her turn hes really making a show of it, gets her to take her shirt off, but lets her keep the bra (its practically see-through with all the lace anyway), but he insists that she has to unbutton her jeans because he also wants salt before the shot or whatever. hes making something up, he just wants to see what panties shes wearing and see if he can smell her sweet pussy. he knows she wet, he can tell. hes just as bad as her, if not worse.

then when the party is ending they're definitely going back together, theyre probably too drunk to even try to have sex. just sloppy and stumbling everywhere. they end up passing out in arts bed together, he only just managed to get them both into some of his clothes and decent for bed, boxers for him and just a shirt and panties for her. in the morning they wake up cuddled close. its the first time theyve slept in the same bed, the first time theyve cuddled, its the first time theyve slept in the same room since art first took her virginity. and now they'd spent the night together without having sex at all. it kind of changes things for them... but not too much :)

-🐞

GODDDDD THIS HAS LIVED SOOO RENT FREE. I'm fucking dead it's too beautiful, too perfect. Also body shots are The Same for me as well so ur so valid <3

You're surprised when the invite comes through your phone— when Art asks for you to come with him to a house party hosted by some sorority girl in one of his classes. He heard about it, heard that they can be fun, wants to see you there.

And, god, you pretty yourself up so much for it— a skimpy little tank top that he can see your bra through, a tiny little denim skirt, sweet, sparkly makeup that catches in the fucking strobe lights set up around the living room. You’re nursing a cocktail of pink lemonade and vodka, leaning against his side as he downs another fucking glass of jungle juice. He’s definitely on the wrong side of drunk, or else he wouldn’t be all over you the way he is.

And you’re fucking living for it, the way he keeps one hand slung around your waist, tugs you closer against him so you’re practically one fucking entity. He puts a fucking glowing test tube shot to your lips, eyes lighting up as you eagerly swallow it down. He could spit directly onto your tongue, in front of everyone and you’d fucking let him.

So he does. He downs a tequila shot, grabs your chin and you’re all wide eyed and eager as you look up at him. He spits it into your open mouth and you swallow it down, nose wrinkling at the taste. You like sweet things— fancy champagne, mixed drinks that are mostly juice. But you smile at him once you’ve swallowed down the tequila, giggling and buzzy.

But auuhghghgh body shots :((( he’s such a lecherous little perv, he gets off on the attention from you so bad. Wants everyone to see how bad you want him, how possessive and needy. Sucking the liquor from his naval, tongue flat as you lick up the line of salt you’d carefully tapped up his torso. He watches how your lashes flutter as you lick along his skin, the salt course on your tongue complimenting the sweaty taste of his skin. Maybe you linger there a little longer than what’s comfortable for anyone else watching. You take the lime from his mouth biting down so you can suck the juices from it.

It’s a little clumsy— you’ve never done one before, but you’d practically bouncing on your feet when you ask him to do one from you. He practically drops you on the table, fumbles his way to pulling off your shirt, tosses it somewhere neither of you will ever fucking see again.

He lines up the salt between your tits, in the pretty valley between the pink lace. You squirm when he pours the tequila into your belly button, he watches it slosh and spill as the muscles of your abdomen tremble. You bite your lip as he unbuttons your skirt, tugs it down just until he sees the pretty lacy pink of your panties, a perfect match to your bra.

God, you wanted him to fuck you so bad— you were practically wearing a sign around your neck that said it. He taps out a line of salt, licks from the waistband of your panties up to your naval, and sucks the liquor from it. His tongue laves at you— a long line between your belly button up to the hollow of your throat.

The rest of the party falls away— it’s just you and Art and you’re honestly pretty convinced he’s going to just fuck you on the table— stake his claim, lick into your mouth until all you know is salt and tequila and citrus and spit.

He bites into the lime and you taste the juice as it sprays into his mouth and drips back onto yours.

You hear people, absently, far in the back of your mind. You’re so fucking gone— you’re embarrassing yourselves, both of you. Art tugs his shirt over your head after the mindless, three-second search for your tank top comes back fruitless.

“Wanna go home?” He asks, his breath hot and his words clumsy against the shell of your ear. Home. Yeah, his dorm pretty much is home to you at this point. His hand’s in your back pocket and you’re waving a tipsy goodbye to your friends, clinging onto Art as you start the trek back to the dorms.

He presses you against a tree halfway back, kisses you hot and urgent and needy. Then again in the stairway up to his room— pins you against a set of windows, smiling and laughing against your mouth as some unfortunate soul catches him with his fingers between your thighs.

By the time you get back to his dorm, you’re basically buzzing with need, want, giddiness, affection. Art can’t get hard because he’s so fucked up, ends up giggling about it against your shoulder, mouthing against your salty, sweaty skin with wet, open-mouthed kisses. He collapses into the bed, tugs you against his side and falls asleep with his face buried in your hair and warm, possessive hands on your body.

You’re both asleep in minutes.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’ve read through some of your old posts and I gotta say…I love me some angst. May I kindly, pretty please with a plastic cherry on top, ask for TADC gang with an S/O who abstracted a while back, but then they ‘respawn’ one day with a glitch affect about them, and their memory was totally wiped? Like it was their first day in the digital world? The glitch affect doesn’t hurt them or anyone like what happened to Ragetha and Pomni btw.

TADC cast x mended!reader

so funny story i was about to sit down and work on this about 4 hours ago but then my parents said they were going to watch the fnaf movie in the garage and i literally dropped everything and watched it so uh uh. the reason the grind stopped was because of fnaf movie and now im kinda tempted to pick up my fnaf fic again anyways! i did a similar post, here! jax and caines parts here will be short, really only focusing on the glitch aspect for them in this post, since the other half has already been written!

CAINE:

just got flashed with an image but you know that scene where the iron giant is trying to pick the boy up but hes like limp or something and the giant pulls back (ive never watched iron giant i just know this clip from a meme) i think it would be like that if he tried to poof your glitching away; but like. in an emotional way, if that makes sense. like its the same kind of carefulness and worry, i think... bonus if he does more damage than not

JAX:

honestly a little too scared to even touch you out of the deep seeded fear of getting all glitchy as well. like he knows it wont spread to him, but you know...

POMNI:

similar to jax i think she would instinctively avoid touching you even though she knows its fine... the whole hand thing making her overly cautious for future scenarios, you know? i think she would slip up and accidentally bring up something you and her did before you abstracted, or call you an endearing name before abruptly stopping herself and trailing off, sad stuff. grief makes her tear between wanting to find an exit faster and trying to make you remember/stay for you

RAGATHA:

poor girl :( i think she would genuinely try to make an effort to re/befriend you and try not to have her hopes too high for the two of you to get back together. if you hear about your past relationship and want to learn more about it, shell tell you what you want to know, but i doubt she would instantly start dating you again if you suggest the two of you trying to give the relationship a second shot... i think that would need some time

KINGER:

bro is gonna be going through it, first he loses his possible wife to abstraction and now he lost you.. got you back, but you dont remember anything. on top of that you look.. off.. sure it doesnt hurt you but it still looks like it would be uncomfortable, even if it isnt

stuck between longing to rekindle your old relationship and letting you go in order to allow himself to process this grief; the third option is potential abstraction for himself

ZOOBLE:

tries not to care. they want to forget everything like you did, they were finally starting to be normal after your abstraction. but now your back in a clean slate, mind wiped and memories gone. how does someone cope with that? as much as it hurts them they think it would be best for them to pretend you were a stranger again

GANGLE:

saying it again, poor girl. mix of pomni and ragatha here i think, like she keeps messing up and verbally reminiscing before realizing you cant relate to what shes saying anymore. will tell you anything you want to know about the past, but i think it would take a lot longer for her to consider getting with you again than ragatha. for both its kind of a "i dont want them to feel obligated to try because we were together once" type deal

[sco07ut]

ok one person asked about the reasonings behind my furry au so here’s (almost) every character in the show (sorry)

tubbs + edward: weird inbred pug adjacent dogs, i don’t even need to explain this one but the noses, the breed’s reputation for interbreeding, the viciousness untrained dogs can exhibit

val: deer, aside from the obvious visual link (mark gatiss’s lankiness and grace when playing val has undeniable deer-like qualities) deer are also surprisingly brutal at times despite being herbivores. they’ve been known to eat small birds to supplement nutrients & i feel like this ties into her matching harvey’s freak even though he usually seems to be weirder than her at first glance

harvey: toad, for obvious reasons

benjamin: frog, because despite being in the same (animal) family, he’s too different + wrong to ever be accepted by harvey. there’s this fundament divide between them that’ll never come together. (val being a deer could also be seen as her being more accepting of benjamin since she also isn’t a toad and doesn’t have those standards)

chloe + radclyffe: frog tadpoles (in that life stage where they still have a tail but have grown all four legs), doing an excellent job at pretending to be toads

geoff: pig, pig mask from apocalypse + him being the ‘fat one’. there are probably better choices but honestly idk i’m just feeling pig vibes for geoff. perchance for violence when you least expect it but also strangely endearing

mike: boar, the slightly better version of the pig, bigger and tusk-ier. also with a violent streak (asking geoff to kill his wife in the anniversary specials). they’ve got a sort of sturdy feel about them which for some reason i relate to mike

brian: mouse, pathetic and cowardly, he never stands up for himself against geoff + just endures what’s going on, though perhaps with a bit of snark (adjacent to a mouse biting you with their tiny little mouths)

pauline: fox, animal associated with a tricky & cunning nature and in fables is almost always the crow’s opposition. fated to be enemies etc. foxes in folklore are known to use deception for their own gain or to get where they need to be (the burger thing, going behind mickey’s back as part of the deal to be released from prison, pulling off the entire dementia life insurance scam)

ross: crow, animal associated with a tricky & cunning nature and in fables is almost always the crow’s opposition. basically same as pauline, they’re both tricky and manipulate the other into doing what they need to do. also, when it comes down to physical prowess, the fox is always going to win

mickey: capuchin monkey, s3e1. on a more serious note, monkeys are associated with being creative + cheeky which i feel just work with mickey’s personality. the capuchin part comes from the fact that they have adorable sweet faces and aren’t anywhere near as terrifying as your more well known species (chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas, whatevs)

cathy: weasel, also often considered a tricky, cunning character in fables + in my mind a weasel would be like the fox’s enemy. idk if that’s a thing in real life

hilary: cow, his dvd extras bio having his fav animal be moo cow + the cow mask in apocalypse + his wife being a literal cow

maurice + his wife: llama and goat respectively. maurice being a llama is mostly just to contrast against his wife since they’re more reluctant to just eat what they’re given, compared to goats who’ll devour whatever they can get their trotters on (linking to cutting the special stuff into her own meat, making something subpar but still edible)

sam: politicians are often associated with snakes & snakes also have a reputation for eating whatever they can fit their mouths around (sam still eating the special stuff despite acknowledging that it ‘isnt right’ or whatever he said)

farmer jed tinsel: collie, hard working farm dogs but liable to going absolutely insane if left to their own devices (see, andrew)

chinnery: giraffe, linked to the giraffe from apocalypse + just as a personal aside, melman from madagascar 2 (who becomes a shoddy doctor). also visual similarities, being tall and blonde. this one is more of a stretch but you could argue that the way giraffes give birth (standing up to allow their newborn baby to fall six feet upon entering this world) could be analogous to chinnery’s veterinary practices - swift and brutal

charlie + stella: swans, someone accurately pointed out the whole ‘mated for life’ thing, which (if we ignore the specials) is what charlie n stella are pulling off. swans are also vicious little cunts which links to their personalities quite nicely. & another stretch but swans can be fiercely protective of their offspring, which in a way could parallel the way stella copes with julie’s death, she’s fiercely protective of her memories of julie

les: songbird, but like specifically one in captivity alone, doomed to sing forever but never find their calling (sorry)

babs: peacock, much to her displeasure, visibly amab but still undeniably beautiful + eye catching

iris: rabbit, we have all heard the phrase breeding like rabbits. also, does can start procreating at 4 months old which parallels iris having judee at 14 (sorry if this is how you found out about that). i think there’s also something to say regarding iris’ like neverending supply of energy to work as many jobs as she does + also (sort of) look after 11? kids vs rabbits/hares in folklore being swift + energetic

judee: pedigree cat, the very image of wealth and luxury, her entire existence came at a high cost. these cats are also very high maintenance, between properly looking after their fur + dealing with the medical issues that can stem from dodgy breeding. stereotypically quite bitchy animals too

bernice: sheepdog, i did have a brief debate with the gf over what sort of animal would best represent a religious leader. particularly in christianity, parishioners are referred to by their pastor as a flock (& it also ties into the biblical stories of shepherds travelling to see angels or the birth of jesus or whatever), so it would stand that their leader would thematically mirror an animal that could lead a flock. i did consider a ram (especially because the horns would be a fun nod to bernice’s utter demonic personality) but ultimately i settled on an english sheepdog since they also have a bit of a rough side + have cute little fringes like bernice

pop, richie + al: wolves, distinct hierarchy in their family, reflected by how wolves will generally always submit to pack members with more authority than them

ollie: chihuahua, ne’er before have i seen an individual so clearly afflicted with little man syndrome. yappy + annoying + prone to picking fights with everyone sorry i mean the wrong people

phil: cheetah, for cheating his way to the top by sleeping with that one guy. only half joking. also partially appearance based

dave: capybara, very tolerant, reflects him putting up with ollie for so long. genuinely struggled with this so that’s the only explanation i have aside from they both also have brown fair

tish: koala, also purely vibe based. she seems like she would have stds SORRY

lance: bearded dragon, a lizard species that can regrow their limbs (lol)

ernest (ableist guy): labrador, generally well-meaning but far more likely to mess something up than actually be of benefit to anyone

mick (cave guy): mole, underground vibes

sorry can you tell i don’t have many thoughts about some of the bg characters

ally + henry: hyenas, known to be violent animals + the obvious ‘laughing’ parallels to them being cunts in the cinema and also their appreciation for killingths

vinnie + reenie: two old hens, always clucking and tutting about something. slightly scratchy personalities vs chickens being known for scratching up the ground (it’s a stretch i knoww i’m running out of ideas)

pam, pamela, whatever: elk, the bugle. that or those baby seals you see on tiktok making stupid, weirdly human noises

herr lipp: donkey, ass jokes

frau lipp: bat, vampire jokes

i wish there was more to these but it’s literally what it boils down to

papa lazarou: some sort of freakish chimera, primarily a lion (ringleader of the circus and plays into the idea of there being one lion in the pride + a bunch of lionesses, him and his wives) but with other bits and bobs of other animals like a chimpanzee (evil) and a crocodile + elephant (representing the animals he stuffed wives into). my girlfriend was also like ‘what if his extra parts were bits he took from his wives’ which i thought was hilarious and am stealing

alvin: sheep(?), thematically used to represent people who follow the crowd + are quite mainstream, in this case this refers to his sexual practices. also considered to need someone else to be the decision maker, this could apply to both sunny and judith

sunny: dolphin(?), known to seek pleasure + highs by snorting sponges or whatever. sexual freaks

judith: praying mantis. pure vibes

@dangerliesbeforeyou @sleepysuburb (hope you guys don’t mind the tag, just saw u were interested in seeing more the tags :])

[help-is-on-the-way]

Ive finally reread the Lemonade Mouth book and i have feelings. This may be long.

Ive watched the movie countless times since i was like 12, it has always been one of my favorite disney movies. I had their songs in my mp3 and at school i liked carrying my house keys around so i could pretend i was Wen in Turn Up The Music. Anyway. Ive always known it was a story adapted from a book. I remember buying it when i was like 16 after watching the movie for the bajillionth time. I never finished it. I remember the different POVs threw me off a bit and the language didnt make it any easier (english isnt my first language and the book has never been translated). My bookmarker said i made it to page 152. But i honestly did Not remember at all like 90% of the changes. So im like pretty sure i read it without Actually reading.

Anyway. Now im 24 and i rewatched the movie 3 nights in a row this week. And im way more well versed in english nowadays. So i decided to give the book another shot. Now, like i said, i have feelings. I read the whole thing in 2 nights. Im not sure what im doing right now and im sure im overexplaining things, as i usually do. But well. I think i wanna say some stuff.

First of all, after reading the book i can confidently say the movie is a pretty amazing adaptation. Ive always known that, but like, now i have undisputable proof. The way they made the story flow in just under 2 hours always baffled me. They got like 7 character stories going on and it never feels too much. And the changes from the book are mostly all understandable, and some of them i even like way better in the movie in my opinion. I mean. Except their appearances changes. I love Bridget Mendler as much as the next guy, but .. Fat Olivia wouldve been so cool to see. Especially considering the movie/book themes.

I remember whenever i rewatched the movie as a 18 year old and onwards, i always thought something along the lines of. Wow. For a movie all about revolution, and being a freak, and not conforming to the social mold, and being a minority in an elitist society - the lack of queer related stuff is so Loud. I guess it always disappointed me. Not that we are necessarily freaks, but well. Im sure we all felt like it at some point. I remember being angry about it, then. But i get it. Of course i always did, in a way. It was 2011 and it was disney. And im not stupid either. Stella is a glaringly obvious lgbt subtext allegory - maybe its the Hayley Kyoko in her, but they all knew what they were doing, i think. I can see that. Its subtext. I just cant help it but feel a bit disappointed that it isnt text too. I kinda always secretly hoped the book had something more in this subject. Dont get me wrong. Stella's character in the book manages to be even more marvellous than in the movie (an impressive feat). I was in shock that she was written explicitly and diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. Being a different but similar kind of neurodivergent myself, that was really cool and genuinely surprised me, as ive always related to the feeling dumb sentiments she has. But, you know. Still kinda made me sad. You could make the argument that she didnt need a romantic arc or whatever, cause she was going through a lot, blablabla. And, yeah. I agree with you. She was going through a lot. Thats kinda the point though. All five of them were. Its the whole point of their characters. Theyre all going through their own personal stuff and they got school problems on top of it - the band and their music is an answer to all of it. Im not saying she needed a girlfriend or anything. She didnt, and her character is one of the most fleshed out ones. I just cant help but wish.

Which then brings me to my next point. Honestly. I feel like the book had a lot more romance going on than the movie. In parts it was really sweet, and in others kind of annoying. The movie always made it very clear that Mo and Charlie wouldnt be a thing, and i come from that reality and mentality. So imagine my surprise when they are actually a thing by the end of the book. Idk. Ive always disliked Scott, and hated that he got in the band and played with them at the Madison Square Garden by the end. He never felt like one of the band, he never felt like a lemonade mouth. I dont think he ever really understood their struggles as freaks. At least not in my eyes. So he always felt a bit undeserving of his spot. He's there because of Mo, for Mo and Mo only. He's even more of an asshole in the book, so im glad hes not really brought up again after he tries to apologize and Mo says she isnt interested. I really like that this is what happens in the book. I might be too much of a Scott hater, but, yeah. I do like it. I dont think Mo shouldve gotten with Scott in the movie either. But i also dont think she shouldve gotten with Charlie, is the point. Sure, Charlie's character in the book actually puts in the effort to get to know Mo, he is sweet, he makes her feel listened to, and he tries to learn about her heritage and culture. He does not feel like hes in love with the idea of Mo (aside the first few POVs of him) (he quickly grows from that when they become proper friends). He loves her for her. And thats something i dont feel like it happens with movie-Charlie.

In fact, im gonna go in a bit of tangent here, i feel like movie-Charlie is the most not-book character of them all. Hes got the most background change, and most of the time he isnt seem doing much (most of his scenes were passed on to Wen - going with Stella to ask about the lemonade machine, being the one that's approached by Lyle when he sells the Lemonade Mouth Live at the Bash CDs, etc). When theyre deciding if they should become a band or not at the pizzaria, his coin flip in the book matters because thats heavily tied to his way of seeing the world and the universe. Tied to his belief that hes the wrong brother to have survived, so Aaron (heads) also deserves a chance to choose his actions for him, just as much as Charlie himself (tails) does. And thats explored time and time again over the pages. Its incredibly interesting and original. When they get rid of his dead twin brother, and build up a living-in-the-shadow-of-a-perfect-older-brother backstory for him, the coin flip just seems like hes an undecisive guy, who doesnt have a good reason to say No, but also not to say Yes either. And while thats fine, i guess... it just doesnt hold the same value narratively speaking. It just feels more shallow, like hes simply a more laid back guy - and although that is consistent, it just couldve been so much more. I do like movie-Charlie, but book-Charlie is way more interesting. His book appearance is more fitting too. Hes described as a regular chubby guy with unruly hair. I like that.

Anyway, back to the romance thing. Its fine i guess. Im mostly against Mo x Charlie in the book because it just kinda feels weird after watching the movie for 12 years. I liked the "friendzone" arc. Its nice when a boy and a girl can just be friends in media, no ulterior motives behind it (though that doesnt really happen between them either) (we see that more with Stella and the boys). Also because idk im not a huge fan of how Mo eventually came around and confessed to Charlie in the book. I know that theyre 14 but Charlie was still hurt by what she had said, and though she did apologize and admited that she screwed up, i feel like i wouldve liked it more if she explained to him what was going on through her head better. Like if she had explained to him what she had explained to the reader, that she was too preoccupied desesperately chasing after a future that doesnt belong to her, it kinda wouldve made it a lot better for me. Cause Charlie said multiple times that he was confused by the whole thing, and still hurt, but they kinda ignored that and kissed twice. And that was it, they were dating now. But then again, if they were able to express themselves that well, they wouldnt be 14 year olds.

And then on the other side of the romantic things going on theres Wen and Olivia. Ive always liked them as a couple since i was a kid. And their moments in the book were pretty fucking good. I love the subtle ways in which Wen slowly begins to pay more attention to her, and notice how his feelings toward her change, even though he doesnt really understand what they are. I lost my mind when in the beginning he described her eyes as a simple brown, but the next time it happens he sees that it has hints of yellow as well. And their fight scene ?!?!??!! Bro !!! The peak-ism of it all..... the way Wen crosses the street without Olivia, and theyre shouting while on different opposing sidewalks, with cars going between them, a clear and visual indication of this rift they suddenly found themselves in, and how sometimes they can think in opposite ways. Its so good. Hurts so well. And it gives more of a reason for Olivia to lose her voice as well, cause she had to yell over the noise and stuff. While in the movie she lost her voice over yelling two sentences while they were 2 meters away from each other, which always striked me as odd.

Speaking of which i feel like i have so much to say about Olivia, and at the same time so little. I honestly dont know which i prefer better, movie-Olivia or book-Olivia. From a poetic and creative standpoint, i really like that Olivia's POV throughout the book is told solely through her letters to her dad (+ Naomi at the end). Its very charming. But at the same time it also kinda feels like it hurts her characterization a bit in places. She tells stuff through a letter format to her dad, so at times it feels like she is withholding stuff while at the same time saying Much More than a 14 year old would say to their dad. And, granted, that does say a lot about her as a character, but you know. The point of different POVs is to explore the characters more. But because shes stuck telling the events to her dad, i dont feel like shes explored enough, it almost feels like shes only allowed to be his daughter - and it also feels forced at times when she tells stuff to him that i know just needs to be said for plot reasons. Which is a bit sad. I have the feeling that it is intentional, but idk. I feel like after 336 pages i still barely know her. We mostly get to know about her through other people - we basically only see Olivia [daughter] and Olivia [quiet friend]. I wanna see Olivia, dammit!!! It kinda sucks cause i love her and the book did not answer the questions i had about her. Shes the main singer, for goodness' sake !!!! And in the book nobody else sings besides her too.

This paragraph from one of Mo's POV kinda sums it all. Im stuck in a fence trying to understand if thats a good thing or not, when shes still a mystery even to the reader, only a 100 pages away from the end of the book. I want to know whats going on in her head so badly.

The exerpt kinda brings me to another point, slightly connected to the romance thing. The girls barely interact with each other. Of course we know they all become friends, and by the time the Halloween Bash is over and Nancy dies, Wen is already describing them all as a family in his POV. So we know they are all closer than they were before. From this point on they always describe themselves as friends, when before there was always an uncertainty over their relationship. But like, getting to my original point. The girls' interaction is scarce. Mo and Stella have the fight scene in the beginning, when the band first tried to make things work and they butted heads during practice. And then they get a descriptive paragraph soon after of the two of them having fun while reading a magazine and coloring the pictures with a pen after practice. After that, all of Mo's scenes are with Charlie, Naomi, or the other 4 as a band (or her dad). At the end Wen mentions that Mo gives him the "shovel talk" so he doesnt hurt Olivia by dating her. But we never get to see Mo and Olivia properly interacting one on one. The shovel talk isnt effective if i dont know the lengths that Mo would go for Olivia. I guess its fine narratively speaking, but like. I wanna see, you know. Olivia's scenes are even worse, theyre all either with Wen or the whole band. Olivia has more scenes with Sydney than with the other girls in her band. And its not just the girls, Wen and Charlie also never interact with each other. I feel like the focus in romance is greatly to blame for this. The movie lacks on this too, dont get me wrong. But its easier to convey their closeness to each other when there's a visual representation of them happening in front of my eyes and i can See them all interacting in between themselves without dialogue. Like Wen and Charlie singing the jingle of Rising Star together when they were in detention, or later on the two of them walking around school together. Or Mo hugging Olivia and standing close to her after Nancy died and More Than a Band happens. The whole More Than a Band scene actually, cause it kinda becomes a "silent" montage of them having fun together. Or having Wen with Stella when she realizes the actions of her consequences and suddenly the whole school knows shes the one responsible for cutting Mudslide Crush's set for the Bash in half. You know what i mean ?? As a big fan of found family i just kinda wish there was more of the rest of the relationships between the 5 of them. And in the book thats especially jarring. Which kinda goes back into the thing i said about Olivia's POV.

She wont write about these details to her dad. The only time she wrote in detail about a conversation was when she fought with Wen, cause she was venting about it to her dad. So we're kinda missing out on a POV that Could help bridge the band together in a way for the reader to see more clearly. Cause its obvious they love each other and theyre family, but we dont get to see much How exactly that happens. The cloud watching scene is like the main bonding moment in between the group and practically the only one we get to participate in. And it's not from Olivia's POV, it never is. Her cat died and we're told what happens through Wen's eyes. She has a "nervous attack" before the Halloween Bash to the point of puking and we're told what happens through Random Girl #6 That Just So Happens to Be Hiding and Eavesdropping in The Next Stall Over. She takes the band to see her dad in prison (a pretty big deal to everyone envolved) and, again, we're told through Wen's eyes. I wanna know what she was thinking !!!!! Cause its obvious it was hard for her to do that, and she had to prepare herself before even telling them where exactly they were going. What was going on through her head, then ?? Was she scared ?? Was she nervous ?? Was she thinking that maybe they wouldnt be her friends anymore because of it ????? We will never know, i can only assume stuff !!!!!!! And its really kinda frustrating. I wanna know for sure.

In the movie, Olivia's mom died when she was really young (young enough to not remember her face), and her dad "made bad decisions because of it". The way she talks about it makes it seem that immediately after her mom died, her father got into trouble with the law. So like her dad has been gone idk 12 years or something. She doesn't know him, doesn't know her mom. We're never told what exactly he did, and i kinda always got the impression that it was something bad, something that Olivia kinda resented him by, at least a little bit. I know she simply stated that she never wrote him back cause she didnt know what to say to him, cause he was basically a stranger to her. But you know. I feel thats enough to resent somebody, cause maybe she doesnt even know what he did either. If something like this happened in my family, i probably wouldnt know either. Not until i was like 22 and my aunt spilled the story while drunk during Christmas. The point is: its not the type of thing you tell a child - it's the type of thing the child quietly accepts as just a part of their normal life. So, at the end, she decides to give him a chance by writing a letter to him. I quite like that cause she was kinda doing the same thing that she fought Wen about. He never gave Sydney a chance, and she had never given her father a chance either. I like hypocrisy in characters cause it makes them complex. It makes the fight more interesting as well, cause otherwise its just suffering Olympics. And it hurts Olivia's character in my eyes cause thats really annoying and pointless. But interpreting it this way i can make more sense of it.

Book-Olivia, on the other hand. Her mother didn't die, she simply left. Olivia also does not remember her face. Her mom and dad had a teen pregnancy, the mom had drug problems and the dad already had minor criminal records. Mom left when she was 1. And her dad was a good father to her until she was 8. And she remembers that he was a good father. He had dreams of being an english teacher. And then he got fired from his taxi driving job, couldnt get another because of his past felonies, fell into old habits, and accidentally caused an old man to have a heart attack while attempting robbery with a toy gun. So he's in jail. And Olivia knows this stuff because she remembers. She was old enough to ask questions, to demand answers when her loving father suddenly wasn't coming home anymore. So she writes letters to him all the time, she keeps him updated on her life cause she knows he would like to be present, but can't. She also knows he made mistakes, and isnt looking for excuses for him. But he's a good father too. And she trusts him a lot. He's the person she trusts most in the world. So when she invites the band to visit him, she's trusting them as well.

Theyre similar backstories but also so different. Theres things i like about both. The Sydney-dad parallels in the movie are pretty good. Its what really sells it to me. The book's scene of the band visiting dad in prison is fantastic. I feel like the movie did a good job translating the book and adaptating Olivia's backstory. I quite like that the whole movie is Olivia's letter to her dad, telling him about her band. It's a pretty good way to tie her to her POVs from the book. ..I dont remember where i was going with this, honestly. I like Olivia. I may like movie-Olivia more just because, like i said, the hypocrisy makes her more complex. And book-Olivia is unfortunately a mystery i cant solve.

Mo's story is also pretty good in both. I feel like the only significant difference between book-Mo and movie-Mo is that Naomi's whole character is gone. So is her family owned store and the obvious religious references and practices, and Mo is seen doing less extracurriculars. So the illness she contracts before Rising Star in the movie feels less like a burn out and more like a really unfortunate coincidence - which lowkey sucks cause the burn out she feels is essential to Mo finally understanding that she cant keep overworking herself like this, which ultimately results into her coming to terms with the fact that she cant plan her whole future and expect it to not go wrong at some point. Cause that burned out Mo isnt the real Mo. Which then leads her to her confronting her dad. I understand why they cut Naomi out, but the fact that Mo had a pretty good friend before the band makes so much sense. She doesnt really struggle socially, its more that she has a family influenced plan for her future, and doesnt have time for other stuff (doesnt let herself have time for other stuff, especially after Scott). Mo in the book and in the movie do not feel like two different characters, it's more that the book has bonus content of the same girl. Its nice. Same thing with Stella and lowkey Wen, i think. And because of it i dont have much to say about Mo. Shes like Stella in the way that shes a very fleshed out character. Everything she does make sense. I highly recommend the book only for her POVs cause it touches her religion, faith and heritage in ways disney could never do cause theyre cowards. It really enriches her character. I love that even though she doesnt see eye to eye with her father, she still went and prayed with him. She doesn't hate her culture nor her religion. She values her family a lot and its especially telling in the book. I feel like thats a bit harder to see with movie-Mo.

Wen also feels like pretty much the same guy. In the movie they cut his pointless popular social hierarchy chase and replaced it with self absorbed jokes, which is important characterization nonetheless cause it tells the viewer that Wen isnt really insecure. In fact, id say he is very confident in himself. If he could, he wouldve named the band Wen. I dont think he is as confident in the book, but he also isnt trying to be someone he isnt, and you gotta be confident enough for that. He never tried to change who he is; he knows he is a weird guy but he thinks he still can be popular and That could work in his favor if he plays his cards right. But, through no fault of his own, he couldnt play them and thats why he fell so hard down the social hierarchy ladder. And he isnt happy about that. The Sydney situation in the book is a bit different from the movie, and way more awkward. Wen is described as being in love with her and the photographs he accidentally brought to school with him were Sydney's self portrait nude drawings. Its a very uncomfortable situation to everyone involved, including me that had to read and imagine it. I personally prefer the movie version of this cause it minimally touches Wen's problems with his mom leaving them behind and the impact it had on him. Sydney bothers movie-Wen so much because her presence is sudden, everywhere, and to him she's trying to replace something she could never be - his real mom. So he's angry and he lashes out. Thats way more interesting to me than having a teenage boy crush on your dad's 26 year old girlfriend. But i do like that he eventually realizes he grew out of it when Sydney starts treating him more "motherly" - fussing over his injury and offering him leftovers. It slightly-but-not-really touches the 'replacing his mom' role Sydney could have. Idk. Again, i like my characters when theyre more complex. Sure, the crushing on your dad's girlfriend brought him quite a lot of guilt, and that was a positive to me for his complexity's sake, but i feel like we already know so little about Wen's biological mom and how that affects him as is. Both in the movies and in the book, we're only told that she left them. Literally only that. I guess one could interpret it as she leaving them cause of a potential death, but i personally always saw it as abandonment. And something like that is ALWAYS gonna affect a child. At least movie-Wen touches a bit on how that affects Wen, and i like that.

Also wouldve it killed disney to give Wen his fucking glasses ?! Thats literally all thats different from his movie and book appearances and that kinda hurts a lil bit. Well, despite that Adam Hicks is kinda ginger and Wen is described as blond. But i dont think that matters much.

I guess to sum all this "character study" stuff up.

• Same character as in the movie but with bonus content: Mo and Stella.

• Movie has a different interpretation of the same character: Olivia.

• Movie and book got completely different characters they might as well have different names: Charlie. (and they do have different last names)

• Wen: Wen.

I do love the movie's songs cause theyre all a BANGER and i grew up listening to them. I just wish the book somehow had a CD built-in with their songs. Just so i could know what they sound like cause its REALLY hard to imagine. Especially cause the book gives us some song lyrics as well.

Anyway. Now to talk about the band itself. The book is interesting cause they all use unusual instruments: Stella plays an ukelele (she does know how to play electric guitar, but she ditches it for the sake of the band); Charlie's got a bunch of bongos and im-assuming-at-least-some-drum-plate-thingies; Wen plays the trumpet; Mo plays the big bass instrument that i forgot the name of; and Olivia sometimes plays an accordion + her voice. Olivia is also the only singer. I really like this cause its yet another reminder that those kids are weird. And thats CHARMING as hell !!! It kinda makes me sad that the movie didnt embrace these instruments cause im really fucking curious to how theyd sound together. Like, really, thats a big complaint of mine. Its such a weird mix of instruments that i really wish i could listen to them - its frustrating, even. I feel like that could change me as a person. Cause thats what so magical about them as a band. By all accounts they should not work well together, but they do somehow. Their instruments are a visual and soundful (?) (thats definitely not a word) representation of their weird friendship, its a reflection of it. Theyre all really different people but they somehow work well together. Theyre a family. And you cant separate them cause together theyre an unstoppable revolution.

One thing i really did Not like about the movie after having Book Hindsight, is the way the band reacts to Stella and the lemonade machine situation. In the movie it really feels sometimes that Stella is the only one that cares about that. Especially during the jail scene. I do love the Turn Up The Music callback but i HATE that they all blame Stella so blatantly and they never properly apologize. While in the book theyre ALL in this together, theyre fighting for what they believe in, and they never fault her for calling them and making them come to the school. Cause they all know its not just about the lemonade machine. Charlie does say in the book that "its just a stupid lemonade machine, Stella" but we know he doesnt really believe in that because of his thiughts. Its a half-hearted statement cause he might know its a lost cause but we Know he's worried as well, we know he doesnt mean it. But, at least to me, in the movie when they say stuff like that it really does feel like they dont care, sometimes. Especially when theyre in jail. And it kinda really fucking sucks. Its the main fucking theme of the book/movie !!!!!!! The lemonade machine matters cause it symbolyzes THEM !!!!! Its in their band name !!!!! And when they lose the machine they dont even feel like fighting for the band anymore !!!!!! Thats how much it bothers them that the machine is gone !!!!!

I think im gonna reread that part and rewatch the movie and come back to this actually. So i can judge and hate on this particular movie choice with more arguments.

[buqbite]

ok so!!!! i have. so many thoughts about penacony. aventurine the man you are...... his obsession with facades and masks... his future self shit talking him.... 2.1 truly delivered. his dynamic with ratio is also so interesting.... the contrasts... aven not taking care of himself at all vs ratio the self care king........

there's so much unexplored potential for a friendship between acheron and aven... their similarities as people who lost everything ... how acheron works in the shadows and aventurine flaunts himself yet acheron is much more willing to be... openly vulnerable about her past? as compared to aven..... i care them both dearly anyway!!! i have many thoughts on 2.2 but i don't want to intrude or make this too long ajshldfkjasdjf but yes!!!! im having a good time so far (though i'm kinda fed up with the sunday boss fight) and !!!! looking forward to meeting aven again (myriad celestia trailer!) + seeing what other adventures the astral express goes on...

I FORGOT TO REPLY SORRY

aventurine is just such a fun guy. i become attached to characters who try to sell a specific image of themselves pretty much immediately, because the gradual detachment from their own identity and struggle to properly connect with others is always a delight to see. and aven does it so well! he's completely out of touch with himself - kakavasha and aventurine are practically different people by now.

i care deeply about depictions of cptsd in media, particularly when they acknowledge that it really isnt just depression + anxiety + flashback induced panic attacks in a spot the person you ship them with can conveniently find them in and calm them down. such a big part of it is the way it can completely fuck up your self-concept and worldview cuz yknow. your brain structure is altered. it's the key factor in that disconnect that i just talked about. and that constant sense of impending doom and emptiness are a part of that, which often leads to stupidly reckless behavior. i don't even need to bring up aven's whole gambling thing here, do i?

(also please do note that, as i wrote this bit, welt was even further on the forefront of my mind than he usually is. because of course he would be)

him and ratio are also a fun match, because ratio does not care for the way aventurine flaunts himself (to pretend he has his shit together) in the slightest. he'd do a good job at getting aven to just... slow down, and wouldn't allow their relationship to develop into something unhealthy either.

(its one of the reasons i like avenpaz + ratio, bc aven and topaz on their own would most certainly enable each other's bad habits. they have a bit too much in common in that regard.)

AND ACHERON. ACHERON...

miss raiden bosenmori mei i love you so damn much. she does the "oh, i'm doomed? my struggle was meaningless? well if nothing matters then i will do what i want" thing so well, and every dynamic she has with the other characters is fascinating to me.

one really big thing to consider is that, since acheron's whole backstory is essentially the bad ending of honkai impact 3rd, she's already seen all of this dreamscape shit. she's been living in the waking world for a long time now. in the quest "when the sacred ginmill closes," her and welt talk about kevin kaslana, someone who used his last resort to try and save humanity from the uphill battle against the honkai and plunge all of humanity into a dreamscape (etc), robbing it of its future.

a big part of hi3 is the direness of the situation, and the way people push themselves to go further and further in hopes of reaching this unattainable peace. it's an absolutely sisyphian task. and acheron let go - she defeated her version of kevin (why would you name him that) and let her homeworld be enveloped by the nihility.

so acheron's been there. she lost the people she loved, struggled against a meaningless end and was changed so irreversibly that she's not even human anymore. and there's a lot of potential for her to properly guide aventurine out of the nihility (i mean that's kind of her job?) and onto a path that's a lot more meaningful to him.

also, i'm saving a lot of my acheron thoughts for when i actually finish hi3, but there's a few dynamics that i could pick apart and think about forever. my favorites being aventurine and his whole (gestures at this post) stuff, black swan as someone whose whole being consists of memories while acheron perpetually erases them, welt as someone who shares the same experiences and black hole related powers, and firefly, who exists in the moment because she can't dream in the first place, and chooses to fight against the inevitable without being afraid of it.

...also also also i fucking love black holes and i love how it's connected to sun imagery and i think the idea of icarus reaching the sun only to discover a hopeless abyss beyond it is my favorite hsr symbolism thing ever. black holes are like THE thing to show hopelessness and meaninglessness and emptiness and a point of no return, because they devour everything and leave nothing. we don't truly know what lies within a black hole!! we might never find out!!! there are so many suns out there that will end up as black holes but we can appreciate their beauty nonetheless, can't we??? ive never seen a character with black hole (or sun) imagery that didn't fuck severely. a person who will figuratively consume you in your entirety if you get too close. they can't even help it. it gets me every single fucking time. can you guys tell that interstellar changed my brain chemistry when i first watched it as a kid. i need to punch a wall

[bunnyandcoffeeposts]

Saving a Bad Situation

If you ever have a day/outing/conversation that just isnt going the way you want it to, everything just feels icky and wrong, and youre starting to think absolutely nothing can salvage it, consider Starting It Over! Not everything is going to perfectly all the time, but if you feel like you're losing control of a situation this play-pretend strategy can help you get back on course! Here are some ways we've used Starting Over to help get things back on the right track:

We were having quite a yucky morning - We woke up because of a bad dream, our morning tea wasn't made right, we forgot to eat breakfast until we were way too hungry, and we found out the plans for the day had changed drastically. It felt like the whole day was going to be miserable. So we Started Over! We got back into bed and set an alarm for 5 or 10 or 15 minutes, then closed our eyes and just laid under the covers hugging a stuffie until our "reset period" was over. We could pretend that the change of plans had been made the night before and so that was now just the plan for the day "like always", we remade our "first" cup of tea, reminded ourself to put toast on, and that bad dream was from "yesterday" morning!

Through neither person's intention, an important conversation was miscommunicated or misinterpreted, or a little bit of both. We both were long past upset and neither of us wanted to snap at each other. So, I said that I'd Like to Start the Conversation Over. We hung up our call, we both took a deep breath, and used our own mistakes, and our now better understanding of the other person's thoughts and needs to work through the conversation more carefully and considerately. We started the call over, greeted each other just like we hadn't talked at all that day, pretend that the previous talk never happened, but still had a productive and positive talk

I really wanted to play video games with Mama, and Mama really wanted to play video games with me! So, understandably, she moved rooms to the computer that has her games on it. I wasn't sure on how to communicate beforehand that I wasn't ready to change rooms, so the quick change with no transition period made me feel jostled and upset. So i said "I'm almost ready to go to the computer" and put in censored text that i would like to play pretend for a few minutes. We both pretended that we were still in bed and when i felt comfortable enough said that i was ready to "go" to the new room, covered my eyes for a few moments as we "went to the new room" and then took a few minutes to get adjusted. Physically we stayed sitting at the computer the whole time because there are a number of stairs in between, but it still gave me the effect of that transition period i needed

This is something mainly used with the littles or on days where emotional regulation is more challenging, but that doesn't mean that its little or autistic exclusive; everyone needs to hit the reset button sometimes! No, not everything in life is going to go exactly how we want it to, and we all need to be able to adapt to things out of our control, but that doesn't mean something "small" has to ruin your day, or that you can't take a breather before giving something a second go!

This is just something we've found helpful for us and been using more often lately to keep issues from snowballing out of control, and has also been a good exercise for us to better communicate our needs and feelings. It's a lot easier to say I Need To Start Over than trying to work through articulating emotions while upset. Its easier (and usually more protective, for us) to explain how we felt and what we felt went wrong once we're calmer. No, this probably wont work for everyone, we used to find it too hard to play pretend, but since getting back in touch with our imagination its become much easier, but its an extra tool you might want to add to your emotional and communication toolboxes and consider trying out!

[richeeduvie]

Im still trying to make sense of Roman and Baby’s relationship before they ever called it official (isnt that p much everyones thoughts too in DAB like bfr no one gets it either) like. They were never official yet still obviously wanted eachother what stopped them from just making it official?

That feeling between the two of them thats like “oh were not really a thing I guess” has to start with someone, right? One of them going on a date during their “ambiguously labelled relationship” days and making the other realize that what they have isnt actually… anything. Before Roman got with Tabs did baby seriously consider asking him out to make their weirdness official or… did the thought of just asking baby out properly just never occur to Roman 😭 did anyone get in the way of them just making it official??

Ooooohhh im sorry if im rambling im just marinating in all the angst, I love this smm 😭 theyre so stupid

So, you guys can always find the explanations to this on the "Dog and Bone!AU Basics" post. But here's the first ask explaining why Roman insists on Tabitha in the DAB!AU.

And here's the second post from Roman's words, which I reposted a couple of days ago.

They both help, but to go into further...they're just fucked. They're stupid. Roman (and Shiv) canonically goes to therapy and he's still THAT. Like he's still THAT guy so intensely. The reason why they talk the way they do is because they need to fill up the space with bits and banter and bullshit to replace genuine conversation of emotion. I think Jesse Armstrong said something like that probably not lol. But Baby and Roman were never going to be the ones to talk about their feelings. They'll be intense and disgusting over it. They're just stupid. Like, absolutely fucking stupid.

Stewywins!AU would never happen if he didn't get with Tabitha. Tern Haven and, in turn, the Kendallwins!AU would never happen if he didn't get with Tabitha. It's stupidity at it's finest.

It's not them saying "Oh, are we not a thing?". They are. They are a thing. And it's almost like this secret agreement to never do something with another person after a couple of quickly shut down ideas of seeing other people. Time goes by, decades even and Roman's an idiot. He's not thinking of a secret agreement they made when they were fourteen. When he almost broke his arm flinging around in bed in anger at the mere thought of Baby being with someone else. He wants normalcy.

Don't get me wrong, it's illogical and absolutely stupid. But it's a shittily made loophole he jumps through to pretend he's not hurting Baby by getting with Tabitha. They're not boyfriend-girlfriend. They never said so. They're not married. We know Roman sees getting married as the ultimate way to keep someone.

When he sees Tabitha (In canon, not DAB!AU), he says "Dad would be all over that". Not him, Logan. He specifies his dad. Even when he perceives attraction, it's through the validation of his father. Roman's at a time in his life where he's wanting something like...normalcy? He's not a normie, he'd rather his wife be a freak. But when he wants something like normalcy, and he sees someone his Dad would approve of…there it is. There's the impulsive decision waiting to happen.

But then you know it's bullshit when he's not having sex with what is his "legitimate" girlfriend while he crawls into the bed of the woman and childhood friend he fucked over. And Baby's slightly less and more kind than him, so she handles it well. Until Wedding Bells. Until Tern Haven. Oops.

[lexa-griffins]

Why does Clarke bind in your pillow princess au? How nervous was Clarke telling Lexa about it?

So Clarke was always your very typical blonde big boob popular girl, cheerleader, prom queen, dating the quarterback, sorority girl. The thing is, Clarke hated all of that with a passion, but it was what was expected of her, so she kind of went with it. When she found out in college she was bi she thought that maybe the weird feelings she had about her body and sexuality were due to that and now that she found herself she could express herself the way she wanted which mostly meant to her that she didnt want to present as girly as she had so far.

She still feels weird in certain clothes, like her body isn't right, so she tries to start working out but that isn't working either in stopping what she's feeling but at some point she assumes its just her being self conscious about herself. When she starts dating Lexa its when Clarke is really given a safe space to explore who she is. She gets to go for a more masc presentation of herself and while some days she loves her boobs, other days all she wants to do is rip them off and tries her best to make them look smaller. She starts with a tighter sports bra, which just hurts her back and makes her boobs ache before she considers binding.

Now, Clarke has always felt like a girl. She doesn't think she isnt a girl, she just isnt a girl-girl you know. She is but she isn't. And Lexa is a lesbian. A lesbian who adores boobs. And the idea of sitting down with Lexa and telling her Clarke wants to bind at least 50% of the time and that she might not be 100% a woman is SCARY. Clarke loves Lexa and she is so scared about it, not even just nervous, downright terrified. And i mean, Clarke has spent most of her life pretending the assumptions about hwr and her body are right, she could probably do the same with Lexa but she wants to marry this woman so she needs to come clean.

Clarke built this up in her head to be a complete disaster, for Lexa to breakup with her or even avcuse her of lying to her and instead all Lexa does is smile and kiss her because "love, if someone understands about weird feelings about gender its me" and its suddenly a massive weight off Clarke's shoulders.

And like, when Lexa helps Clarke bind for the first time? Lexa spends more time than Clarke online, trying to find a good binder that she trusts completely for Clarke to get and when it finally arrives Clarke runs to try it on., Lexa right behind her, making sure Clarke feels good in it and reminding her she cant wear it for too long and adjusting and readjusting it. And when Clarke finally looks at herself in the mirror she loves seeing herself in it as Lexa wraps her arms around her waist and rests her head on her shoulder smiling at Clarke in the mirror.

"You look so nice in it 🥰"

And then Clarke cant stop staring at herself "Was this how you felt?"

Lexa nods and kisses her cheek, "Yup. Exactly like this."

Femme trans lesbian gf 🤝 Masc non binary girl bi gf. They almost got the whole alphabet! 🤣

[elysianstarl1ght]

scout with spy tech thoughts real???

thinking about scout utilizing his (stolen) dead ringer, invis watch and disguise kit in battle

(these are all hcs and not intended for game design!! i just like adding similarities between scout and spy)

i imagine that contrary to popular belief he'd be extremely sneaky with his "spy" stuff, being able to pull things off after getting used to the items that even spy might not be able to because of his speed. of course spy has her strengths, having used this tech and just generally being a spy more than scout, but he can still make use of it.

i imagine scout can pull off a dead ringer REALLY well. during his childhood he'd pretend to act hurt to lure attackers into doing something impulsive to get a 'finishing blow' (which never worked for the attacker,) and his acting in that sense only got better with practice and age. his dead ringer is by far most used out of all 3

i dont think he'd use his other stuff alot though, his invis watch maybe to slip by the enemy team unnoticed during risky flanks would be my first thought. disguise kit...? not sure really. probably also used to appear less suspicious during flanks.

adding onto the disguise kit thing above; i imagine he'd only really disguise as his brother (blu scout). he knows exactly how he behaves and can mimic his body language and expressions perfectly, considering how they grew up together (blu scout is 2nd youngest, only a few years older than red scout)

i think he'd get more observant with body language too and ask ms pauling about what certain gestures mean (i imagine she'd be skilled in stuff like that + psychology) and how to pick up on certain things.

of course i dont think he'd ever fully match spy, but i think with time, practice and MAYBE spy's guidance (assuming spy doesnt kill him on the spot when she finds out) he'd be able to match spy in some situations.

although.... i think he'd still rather leave the spy stuff to, yaknow, the guy literally named spy. as good as he'd get, i dont think he'd ever get the patience needed.

i do like to imagine scout and spy being a spy duo though; if spy needs a buddy for a mission, scout is right there. spy probably says she likes to work alone, and without anyone else, but i think she'd enjoy some company on occasion from her son.

i know i know i know this isnt canon accurate..... let me be delusional about spy and scout (also alot of these were thought of on the spot so likeeeeeee theyll probably go through some changes but yeah)

but anyway overall?

like father, like son

[journey-to-the-attic]

*comes crashing through your window*

Hi.

I haven't been here for 2 months.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

*AGRESSIVELY WORD DUMPS ALL MY THOUGHTS ABOUT IK* (Mostly my twisted wonderland x IK au i thought of)

~~~~~~

IK, first waking up at the Entrance Ceremony : Diavolo, are you trying a new way of surprise summoning me to Devildom because I don't coffins are the best idea,,,, wait a minute you're not Diavolo.

Crowley : No??????

IK : *looks around the Mirror Room*

IK : *eyes land on the housewardens*

IK, dead eyes : Am I going to have to solve the problems and traumas of those boys right there because absolutely none of them look like they coped well with their traumas. The white haired boy looks alright tho.

Houswardens : ....

IK : Don't worry about it, I'm experienced with this. As much as I'd love to stay here with all the funky coffins, I have to meet up with Lucifer and Satan in like two days. The last time I was late they thought I got lost and ran around the block for like 20 minutes straight.

Crowley : Satan???? LUCIFER???? I'm sorry Miss but what in the world are you taking about???? This is Night Raven College, a school for mages in training. And you Young Miss, have been called by the Dark Mirror to take part as a student.

IK, blank faced : *remembering Solomon saying that there was a hidden school for training mages and sorcerers*

IK : *seeing how the housewardens looked absolutely traumatized and mentally unwell*

IK :

~~~~~~

(Here's the wiki for a more clear explanation : Link )

So,,, Twisted Wonderland takes place in a school dedicated to train mages and sorcerers, called Night Raven College. The entire school is split up into seven dormitories, each one based of a Disney villian. For example, Heartslaybul is based of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, Savanaclaw is based of Scar from the Lion King, so on and so forth. Each dorm has their own leaders, called either Housewardens or Dorm Leaders. Twst has both an English and a Japanese translation, the former for the english, and the latter for the japanese.

And as you can guess,, each dorm leader has ✨TRAUMA✨,, (except for Kalim, the white haired boy) so as the story progresses, we learn about their traumas,,,, and we basically beat love into their brains,,, affectionately of course.

Considering that magic is also in Obey me,, I made NRC a secret institution,, just for mages and sorcerers. I don't know how to fit in Devildom and the brothers,, so we just pretend the lore isnt there.

As for how IK got into NRC without any magic? Well, hanging around the strongest demons in existence, the demon prince and his butler, two celestial angels and the most powerful sorcerer in the world, you're gonna get quite a bit or residual magic, especially having pacts with said powerful demons.

But IK has nothing to fear, because she has experience with seven emotionally constipated demon brothers who never spoke about anything for centuries on end. Also a baseball bat because of all the BS that happened in her transfer year at RAD. She has the hot chocolate and blankets ready, now all she needs is a notepad and paper because now shes playing the therapist role once again!

~~~~~~

All right thats all from my brain,,,, gn

i don't know enough about crowley to know if it'd be in-character, but i imagine that once ik gives him a summary of How Much drama and plot stuff she accidentally summons, he gives her the baseball bat like "magic bullshit happens to you too much for a magic item to be useful, take this instead"

it'd be funny if this happens some time after the exchange program, so when the demons finally find out what happened they're like "wtf that's OUR thing"

[strawberry-seal77]

What’s Endling even about? *Hands you a ticket that says ‘Insert Rant (/pos) here*

OHOHO A RANT TICKET YOU SAY WELL

Fair warning, this is a 3 book series, so uh itll be long I'll split the books into different posts maybe

Also there's death. Like a good amount of it

Endling (as it starts) is about a Dairne named Byx!

Dairnes are like dogs, but are bipedal, have thumbs, and have glissaries (bits for gliding).

They're one of the 9 leading species, which are those that can both perform theurgy (magic) and speak common tongue.

Byx, like any other of her species, can tell truth from lies, in the same way you can hear when a note is off in a scale. If someone does not believe what they're saying, a dairne can tell.

And this makes Dairnes dangerous.

(rant continues below hehe)

The books start in a place called Neddara, bordering Dreyland as well as a large ocean

And the Murando, the ruler in an England sort of way, is trying to exterminate Dairnes. Lying is no good when a dog can call you out, yeah?

(this is introduced really well, by showing how Dairnes have changed from their traditional life of nesting in trees and living diurnally, so nocturnal and constantly moving in hiding.)

so anyways Byx is the runt of her litter, the weakest, always distracted. And she wanders off into a nearby forest. She's never seen the ocean before, just a quickkk peak!

She hears a classic dairne call, but catches a falseness in it. Continuing on, she sees the super cool view of the ocean! And also a band of hunters! Whoops!

So anyways theres just a WOBBYK in a TINY BOAT which is gonna SMASH INTO THE ROCKS OH NO

Byx, on one side hunters, on the other a hungry ocean, takes a leap of faith and grabs the wobbyk, using the force of her dive to just BARELY make it to another landing place. Sadly, the hunters saw.

(side note, wobbyks are these guys)

gonna move quicker soon I swear

ANYWAYS

Turns out the Wobbyk is named Tobble! Also the hunter's pathfinder sees them through a bush and does a little thing called not snitching.

They run back to Byx's pack but OOPS all dead! Murando soldiers, in uniform (obviously on the clock) murdered them!

Byx is obviously distraught, angry and devastated and guilty and a lot of other stuff! However no time for that! there's an arrow in her side! the hunting group's little pathfinder boy has caught 'er, and is taking Byx! Oh no!

Blah blah, tied up on a horse, cutting the arrow out (it was barbed 3:), going back to a cave. The dairne and human get aquainted.

Human's named Khara, weird name for a boy, right? THATS BECAUSE SHE ISNT :D. Classic crossdressing in medieval times to get a job.

Byx tries to escape with Tobble, gets captured by snakes, Khara saves them with the bargain that Byx needs to not try to escape again, and they're on their way!

hehe okay now we'll be a bit more zoomed out

So they get going to La Cora Di Schola (aka the heart of scholars, bc it's shaped like a human heart) And waddaya know, there's a eulogy! For dairnes! A 'mourning' (psscht, more like celebration) for the death of Dairnes. Which is a bit conflicted considering Byx is a dairns

So they go to meet this one scientist, but he's actually chaotic neutral so he tries to have Byx killed so she doesnt crash the Eulogy. She meets Gambler (Felivet, pretty much a panther) and they escape and crash the party. Also Khara and some apprentice pretend to be in love to escape guards.

Everyone's on the run, eventually they get to the Murando. they get put in prison btw, because the apprentice was a meanyhead and tattled to the Murando.

Byx does a thing called Lying to the authorities (good for her) and gets them a royal guard to go find more dairnes. Which is good bc there's a knight with living fire as a friend trying to kill them.

They get the fire knight and the other guys to fight, and run away. Back to adventure, yippee! btw they're looking for this one living island because it's where they think they can find more Dairnes. Anyways they get really really close to finding it

but then the fucking fire guy with his stupid fire magic is STILL following them, so they build a trap in record time and he falls into it because he's showy and burned down a vine wall before looking past it. he falls on spikes and dies :3

Tobble gets his tail braiding ceremony, a show of respect when a wobbyx performs an act of bravery. He's really happy!

Anyways that's as far as I for about 2 years, because my school library only had book 1. And then I got back into it recently, I'll explain more if you want :3

Also im making an entire other post for Khara because I want to >:3

[fairytalequeer]

6, 9, 10, 15, and 16! >:)

Hello My Dear DM Who Will Definitely Not Be Using Any Of This To Write Stuff In The TTRPG To Kick My Ass

thanks thank u this is going under a read more bc i KNOW it's going to be longer

6: "I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)" - If you could only relive one moment with your f/o forever, what would it be? What would theirs be?

im afraid im quite boring with this and i dont think there's any i would want to relive forever. everyday would be new and special and good :^))) but if there was the chance to relive by choice (be it through vivid dreams recalling it or w/e) i think The First Kiss is a good option. and other kisses. and cuddling. and laughing together. and

9: "Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends" - Does your f/o get along with any of your friends and family? Is there anyone notable they get along very well or poorly with?

creature doesnt have family LOL. what happens if they ever meet again is... debatable. it probably wont go super well. i like to imagine p/ardoes as a really sweet guy who wouldnt get confrontational usually. but if he ever found out what happened with creature (which creature isnt exactly open to sharing most of the time) i think he would for once be pretty pissed off and defensive/protective over creature. even if its just to yell (but magic blasts are also applicable. however considering p/ardoes's own past with destructive magic i dont imagine creature ever wanting him to hurt himself for his sake)

as for friends, they have the same shared friend group so!! they get along well obviously!! yippee!! but p/ardijn (other bestie to p/ardoes) is definitely notable. a trio friend group that CAN be survived. wow! she's very cool and supportive

10: "I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me" - Was it love at sight for both of you or did it take time for you to develop feelings for each other?

you know how it is with that slowburn fix i need. though it IS a complicated situation since creature at least saw a vision of his true love, knows the vision was p/ardoes, and simply just pretends the vision must have been wrong or something. mostly bc he thinks love probably isnt for him. after a while of becoming Besties though that sort of thing is harder too ignore :^) i think p/ardoes is more open to the possibility than creature is (though he doesnt know what creature saw LOL) and is definitely the one to try and get closer first. if "love at first sight" can manifest as a genuine desire for friendship and an unexplained force that draws them to this other person than yea it happened. haha

15: "The Music or the Misery" - Are either of you good when it comes to expressing your feelings to each other? Do any of you struggle with it?

creature sucks at it!!!! at least at first. once a relationship is developed enough he is MUCH better at expressing feelings. but for the time being he's quite terrible

p/ardoes is better at it, obviously. not to say he wouldnt ever struggle with feelings and expressing them, he DEFINITELY does. i just think out of the two that he often has more courage to do so (again, at least at first)

16: "My Heart Is the Worst Kind of Weapon (Demo)" - What’s something either of you have regretted doing while together? Or something you’ve regretted not doing?

already answered!! so here's a quick drawing lmao

credit to the though bubble's drawing goes to YOU!!

[expfcultragreen]

This only makes sense if, in her mind, all trans women are interchangeable with the individual who assaulted her; why the stern aside about consent and adults and the snide implication that trans people are undesirable even to the stated appropriate partners? she's apparently frozen in the position of self-defense every time she encounters anyone who reminds her of the assault, which, like, i think she was a kid? So the issues of "youre not supposed to DO that and youre not supposed to WEAR that" are fused and now, decades later, whenever shes confronted even conceptually with transfem ppl dressed in a way their ASAB conventionally precludes, her brain goes kablooie on the definition of trans woman and she fills in "rapist MAN who shouldnt be WEARING A DRESS" and slides in a picture of whoever actually did the crime (jkr has more money than god but cant hire people to find out who it was???? She has to attack human beings as convenient effigies? Yknow even ms havisham at least had fond memories driving her nuts) and she proceeds from there, self-authorized to marshall the troops to stop her neverending freefall of reliving that particular incident of loss of power/bodily autonomy (which in this tweet she projected onto a transphobes loss of financial/workplace autonomy .......for harassment of a coworker. And jkr is all "this is not a drill" like ffs joanne, stand down, at ease). She doesnt question whether trans women as a group arent actually "men who shouldnt be wearing dresses" like her wiring tells her, but i question whether her assailant was a trans woman, particularly since jkr is so adamant about the impression that was created....its a strange thing for a woman to do, to be sure....tho not outside the realm of remote possibility, maybe. Regardless, find some private detectives, tell them the location and date and give them a description. I dunno, did this ever get said? Tell the world, you gave us gorier details already so......why not get the public on the trail, since its worth going to war over and all

England aint big, i know it was eons ago but, apparently its living memory for YOU so why not shake a few trees and see what rattles loose, put your mind more at ease eh? Closure?

Oh and here, consider it an allegory, it might help you:

A hint, because i know youll get this wrong: this isnt about "trans women are in womanface" this is about "men may sometimes pretend to be trans women while committing crimes; all you really remember is the dress ....and that you hate trans women now, evidently"

May it please the court, exhibit A regarding the trope-league status of "crime in transface":

(Imo the pineapple thief isnt trans and isnt in drag; this is a conscious smokescreen of 'dont pick on me, im but a humble deranged tranz...the belly isnt for hiding things its simply because i am so le tranz that i need to wear it, and i WILL make a scene about this')

Like i need to know more about the incident in question to understand exactly what her drama is, frankly

Zeroing in on, shes a kid and some 40 year old is saying "its ok since we're both girls" and shes just screaming "youre NOT a girl and its NOT ok", forever now because she didnt then......She gets on tweeto and compulsively says it into the cloud about perfectly nice strangers whose bosses like them, and then says 'see! See! Youre out to get me! My life is a never ending stream of persecution by People Wearing The Wrong Clothes Because Theyre Gross And Bad" when other ppl get upset and say wtf

Jkr when people are like wtf @ her for being transphobic:

Like ok, tell us about it janet

[larrythefloridaman]

I was thinking similarly! I think Chartreuse has always been the 'easy' kid, the 'good' kid from Prism's perspective. She's 'well-behaved' like Cobalt, and she's 'independant' like Crimson, none of that inconvenient ~rebellious spirit~ (read as: Desperation To Be Seen And Heard,) but also none of that irritating Asking Her For Guidance and Questioning Things She Doesnt Want To Think About nonsense. (The "You're always having problems, grumpy!" exchange before she delivers cobalt's crisis in combination with her comparing him to Jack as referenced in another post informs a good bit of my perspective on prism and cobalt's relationship.)

Chartreuse does what shes told and doesnt need to be told how, she figures it out herself and performs her duties accordingly. at least until she suddenly won't. and that kind of pressure, to be perfectly convenient like that, takes a toll on you! That shes the 'angel' of the group speaks to the difference between her and her brothers' places in the story, too. Crimson's a Problem To Be Solved, Cobalt always comes bearing consequences to balance things, and Chartreuse is the Tragic one, the Kind one who just wants to live a life she cant have, whose flaws mostly serve to make her inevitable fate sadder. Nevermind the fact that when Treuse isnt being cagey, can be blunt as a sledgehammer and carries and protects her secrets less like a forlorn tragic maiden and more like a mobster who will take your kneecaps with said sledgehammer for asking too many questions, (although she, like her sibling, is a little more willing to discuss things plainly in the dreams where the consequences won't matter,) Crimson killed a guy on accident and still feels queasy about it when you catch him off-guard with the topic, Cobalt carries himself always with grim necessity but dislikes undue suffering and is willing to offer deals to alter ones fate, we are first introduced to chartreuse with threatening to beat someone to death for their transgressions. in no uncertain terms, chartreuse does not fuck around. And uh. Considering something going wrong Hurts Her, and that someone who isnt used to having her powers reacts to experiencing them like-

... yeah well i think i can understand why shed be a bit cranky and blunt about these things. (Given Dr. O never actually became a goddess, merely stole a charge off of a real one and played pretend for a little bit, i assume her vision of spectrum and the subsequent villainous breakdown were the main symptoms she experienced as opposed to. what peppermint's dealing with. Prism's all on/all off + amnesia/all on again approach of getting her adjusted her is, prism-typically, cruel and unusual. At least when crimson shares his powers hes careful about it [described as briefly turning off other senses, notably sight in the example we have, when possessing people so theyre not overwhelmed by the New Ones and maintains a fairly strict mental separation])

And the thing is- performing her role perfectly, correctly, is both an act of self-preservation (given things being broken Hurts her,) and demonstrably requires some. Morally Questionable Decisions. This is true of all the gods- godhood is an inherently dehumanizing ethical nightmare- but given that shes the one who does everything Right, and the way that 'doomed timelines,' the relativity of time and futuresight sort of complicate and abstract mortal moral concepts, especially her. If you take actions to prevent or change a doomed timeline, it is destroyed. Insert tenmyouji biker metaphor here. Every life lived beyond the point of divergence ceases to be, even if their origin point lives on in their own way. To do this constantly is to be responsible for loss on so great a scale, so incalculable and theoretical as to become abstract.

Its been noted- chartreuse and larry are alike in that the execution of the timeloop plan required disguised collaboration with the enemy for a while in order to create conditions for their ultimate victory. This was a MUCH shorter tenure for chartreuse, D+ wasn't a long haul grift, but she did help Order take over the tournament in order to stop her in the long run. and the way she went about this indicates to me that this is a pretty par for the course, 'business as usual' method of fixing things for her? a lot of how chartreuse behaves is defined by this sort of... temporally utilitarian information calculus, because thats how she does her job, and shes always working. even when it makes things worse!

Ive said it before and I'll say it again- folk didn't know how she was keeping him alive, but he also didnt even know she had two siblings until Cobalt involved himself, and chartreuse being a lockbox of secrets who refused to allow herself to be known was and is a very real point of contention in their relationship they're working on now that theyre in therapy. Chartreuse needs to have control of what information other people have about her- a symptom of Prism's surveillance, crimson has this problem too! Its a self-preservation tactic!- but even more so because her job depends on it. Even after she can't sense Prism's eye and manipulative influence on her anymore, she feels it drape over her, pulling her down, like a 'prismatic molasses,' after shes become mortal, defied prism, become vulnerable to it again.

Chartreuse's personality is, inevitably, heavily shaped by her unique perspective on all of time. Everything she can see, nonlinear and abstract and branching as it is, makes the means to any given end Extremely Specifically Clear, and makes all other possible actions ultimately irrelevant clutter. Of course she's ruthless like a weapon- why waste time when she and everyone else are just cogs to bring about inevitable conclusions, a divine train confined to its holy rails, because they've already happened, from her perspective. Of course she's secretive and prone to lying by omission- she knows intimately how the smallest bit of information can transform outcomes radically. Of course losing her timesight makes her act like a disoriented alien, defensive and angry- she's rarely, if ever, experienced life like a human being- or even like the rest of her own family does, she lives always in the past present and future causes and consequences of an action simultaneously. She's alienated in a very unique, overwhelming way.

You ever think about how she must have known she'd lose her nonlinear perspective eventually? That there was this... scary blindspot in a life she otherwise knew the beats of step by step, a flicker where it came back, and that she'd then choose to go back to being blinded?

You ever think about how she knew the world would come to an end? And played her role in it, placing her faith in the mission even when she couldn't see the roadmap anymore?

Now, you might ask, 'chirp, what do you mean come to an end? Aren't they just dreaming?' Well yes. But.

Isn't it interesting? That in every ncct, we start or at least end, with a cutscene in the waking world, and in ncct4... we start with Prism, engulfed in the snakes? The harbingers of the end, pondering why spectrum has seen fit to prolong their lives in the way they have? And then the snakes find them in the dream, and... well we heard them, they werent being the subtlest about it. The snakes will eat their universe. They, seemingly, did.

But not the dream. Thanks to spectrum, acting through juni, they were banished from this liminal, shifting safe haven of the dream. The rules are different now- at this point, its unlikely cpuk-as-streams will ever come back, and if they do, ryan's been clear it'd be rebooted in some fashion, given the notes things were left on. In a sense, then, is the old world not lost to the belly of the snake? It could always escape, theoretically- those the snakes consumed before spectrum's intervention were spat back up after all, the end need not stay the end- but the implications stand.

That would make the dream the closest thing to reality thats left for these characters, in this form, a metanarrative post-apocalypse shelter of sorts from the pursuit of The Lord of Snakes. and like many post-apocalyptic narratives, the world didn't actually end, it just... changed. A lot of things are lost, a lot is different now, for better or for worse, but life goes on.

We've been saying the whole time- whats the difference if theyre real or fiction? theyre still meaningful, theyre just governed by different rules than before. since ncct2, its been emphasized that whether any character is real or a construct is kind of pointless to investigate because even if they were, they themselves wouldnt even know, the dream constructs are still people regardless, and theres nothing particularly mechanically unique about them- they just exist as any other person within this reality would, theyre just formed out of in-universe perceptions the same way anyone else within cpuk's reality is formed out of some kind of Inspiration, like therapuppy from terra, or within Dr. Order's attempts to play act at being god, Quad from Val. Hell, majestic kerfuffle, Prism finally facing her fear of the end after attempting to start again from the top with a re-do of sorts, is also largely about rescuing a group of 'fake' people from their 'fake' dying world to seek safe harbor in the dream.

An angel is like a train on tracks. Incredible power, but confined to it's path, laid before it by god and their engineers. It has run this path without fail, charging along to its destination, taking every turn it needs to- even when that path turned away from the desired end, respite, the station, because it knows. all tracks lead there eventually. The conductor cannot keep the train running forever, no matter how much she wants to. Someday, she will have to retire. The train will have to retire. To push the train past its limits against its engineers designs only brought it all closer.

Yknow whats kinda funny? that Chartreuse gets angel-y imagery (like the roman numeral clock halo, and the whole 'time sand' death thing for doomed timelines being kind of reminiscent of 'smiting enemies into pillar of salt' style angel stuff) where her brothers are referenced as demon-y (crimson being directly called a demon more than once and cobalt being directly compared to The Devil at least once,) but out of the three of them shes kind of the scariest if you pay enough attention and give it a good long overthink