#but harry still stayed with 1d till the end

[aquarri]

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[quietzap]

https://www.tumblr.com/wh0re-behavi0r/722846786374565888?source=share

Have you seen this clip yet? Any thoughts? I do get tired of people asking about 1D questions in general but it's interesting nonetheless - Joey/wh0re_behavi0r

Hello! I have yes. Yeah most 1D questions are annoying now lol! Well. This is gonna be a little bit long but please read till the end to understand my point of view. Things are still shady to me. I mean first he left to be a normal 22 years old with Perrie (whom he'd been seen cheating on a couple days before and obviously the sun got the exclusive). Then it was bc of anxiety and he needed time to himself. Then it was coz 1D wasn't for him and the music wasn't his thing and he didn't get along anymore with some of the boys. Now, on top of the boys getting sick of each other, it's mainly bc he wanted to be the first to go solo (implying he knew the end of 1D was coming and/or that at least one of the boys was planning to go solo). He said people didn't want to sign a contract but we all knew the boys weren't signing with syco again. Also the narrative was that H asked for a hiatus, everyone (except Zayn apparently) trusted him it'd only be a break but then he signed with the azoffs whom he'd been close to since like 2013. Also idk if you remember but Zayn actually left on March 19th to go back to the UK to rest bc of stress. So then.. if his plan was actually to leave to go solo, why didn't he leave just then and there? Why make it sound like he was coming back after the Manila and Jakarta shows if he knew he was leaving for good? As you can see, there's been several different versions for him leaving over the years.

But anyway there's still many things I don't understand. First, why had the boys already shot promo adverts etc without Zayn around 5/6 months before he left. If Zayn didn't actually leave bc of anxiety (he didn't mention it as a reason on the podcast) but bc he wanted to go solo first, why didn't he stay for the rest of the Asian shows and then wait after the Dubai show to leave? In interviews and on twitter he'd said he was so excited for these shows and that it meant a lot to him to go there and the Muslim fans were so excited to see him. So why couldn't he do these 3 more shows before leaving? Now you might say, maybe he was so sick of everything that he didn't think he could even perform anymore and felt the urge to get out of there? But then... How come Simon Cowell and his label/team, who are known to make their artists perform while sick, while injured and mentally and physically unwell (as seen with 1D, Little Mix, Rebecca Ferguson etc) and known to give their artists meds and all kinds of things to force them to perform, suddenly decided out of the kindness of his heart to let Zayn go in the middle of a tour esp the last tour before the end of the band? Now people could say Cowell let him go and then sabotaged him later on with a smear campaign and blacklisting but you're telling me... Zayn, who was seemingly the only one to notice what H was doing, didn't realise Cowell would stab him in the back? After all these years being treated horribly? Or that he preferred to sacrifice lots of money (breach of contract) and his public image and his music being sabotaged for god knows how long, bc he couldn't wait a few more months? There were only several months left of tour so why not hang on until then? Why did Zayn have to leave to go solo when he could've still released solo music first once 1D ended? And if he could leave so easily then why didn't Harry leave the band to release music? Why didn't they let Liam leave the band or at least rest for a while when he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Also why did Pillowtalk come out under Simco, Simon Cowell's company? Why were the 1DHQ reps with Zayn at the Asian Awards? And why did the narrative with the boys change so much with the boys and Zayn saying they still talked and loved each other, then they didn't and phone numbers were changed, then they made up, then they didn't talk anymore etcetc it was inconsistent for ages!

So yeah anyway there are many things I will never understand when it comes to Zayn leaving. And I've seen my fair share of band members leaving various bands/boybands/girlbands and I've never seen so much shadiness lol.

(Tagging you so you get the notif! @wh0re-behavi0r)

[gracefullou]

Harry said he suggested the hiatus on his bta, either 2016/17, not sure, if anyone remembers correct me. Then he said he wanted to sing the whole song on an interview before fine line got released, December 2019

2017 is still 2 years after the hiatus. My bad then if he said it before fl. Still, he was portrayed as the professionnal one who despite struggling in the band stayed till the end of tour to suggest the hiatus unlike Zayn who received so much hate despite saying how much he was suffering mentally. Harry said he suggested the hiatus bc they were exhausted and needed a break but he literally signed his 3 albums solo contract A DAY after its beginning in a yacht with the likes Ellen and Kendall Jenner also his solo schedule is almost as exhaustive as it were in 1d (he's been touring for 3 years now not to mention his movies) so we know it wasn't the real reason behind it. I'm tired of anons playing the gullible to try and subtly (they think) defend him. It's a tale as old as time. The poular one (not by talent or charisma but choice from the higher ups) thinks he's too good for his band and wants to go solo, finds the opportunity and takes it. Only that man is a coward who wants everything. That man didn't even tell the truth to his bandmates so that in case he fails, he has a backup. He wanted ot5's support for his solo career so he didn't tell them either. I would've loved if he said that the band was in a permanent hiatus then the way he had no problem saying it in a Variety article in 2020 i think (i'm not sure which year and which magazine but i'm sure this one was after that pussy song's success) he would've saved us a lot of time, the same goes with him wanting to sing the whole song and not wanting to share his personal songs with the others bc believe me fandom's reaction to these statements would've been sooo different. And now he's mentioning 1d left and right as if he didn't ignore the band's existence for years, as if he didn't keep telling those unfunny Zebra jokes and that ringo joke on SNL, as if he didn't ignore Liam's existence at that Jingle Bell Ball, as if him/ his team doesn't waste a chance to insult Louis ( Variety ignoring Louis' existence in the band in that HS interview and a lot of things that happened during lockdown that i honestly don't remmember really well now you can look for it if you want. Idc if you think it's not him bc he personally chose to associate himself with Ash London and going as far as saying they're friends and he attended her wedding, he chooses to keep that stylist assistant who made fun of Louis' voice, he chose to say someone's mom about Jay even though it was a recorded interview and they could edit that bit out for him, back in the day he chose to stay silent and laugh along when Nick made fun of Louis....). If you're on stan twitter and can't see what a piece of shit HS is in the year of 2023, then there's no hope for you. And in 2023, the reason behind that band's hiatus is so very obvious for the ones who want to see and not live in denial.

[falsegoodnight]

a new header??? it matches better <3 these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with a star (*). 

*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 28th only

—

main list ~

✰ Don’t Wait Up by reliablyimperfect | NR | 1k

Without Harry’s warmth next to him, he felt the chill of the air creep over his skin. He tugged the blanket down from where Harry kept one draped over the back of the couch for him, grateful. With the blanket, he instantly felt warmer, but it backfired when his eyes began to droop again. Trying to keep his eyes open was impossible, and he was consciously aware of how long his blinks were becoming. They stay closed longer and longer until, eventually, they didn’t open again.

so soft and sweet and lovely! made my heart feel so warm <3 will return to this for some quick comfort in the future!

✰ my ugly mouth kept running by @hadestyles | E | 4k

Sometimes second chances are more important than the first.

rori’s lush writing + abo + exes to lovers = absolute perfection. my fic cameo gives it a bonus too :’) definitely one of my rori favs 

✰ i’ve loved you three summers now honey, i want them all by @softloubabie | M | 4k

The restaurant was small and bright, soft colors filled the walls and tables and fairy lights hung from everywhere. From what Harry had read, the food wasn’t overly expensive but it was still comparable to what you would get at one of the more expensive places. If Harry could he would take Louis to the biggest most expensive and extravagant restaurants to do what he planned to tonight, but this would do.

After being led to their table Harry nervously tapped his jacket pocket, sighing in relief when he felt the small box still there. Tonight was the night. He couldn’t wait till it was time to surprise Louis with all the gifts he got for him. Then finally the big surprise.

so cute and sweet! their kids were so adorable and the proposal so lovely!! they love each other so much <3

✰ love me in between the future and the past by navigator & quitter | E | 11k

Harry's scared of history repeating itself.

this honestly hurt to read but in such a raw and emotional way?? was mad at harry and then sad for him :( this writer duo’s fics never fail to amaze me!

✰ sunshine on my mind by @raspberryoatss | E | 13k

Louis visits Harry in Portland

this was so sweet and lovely! the perfect addition to this wonderful universe! pip’s characterizations and fluff never fails to make my heart feel warm <3

✰ rapture in the dark by @stylinsonsupporter | T | 13k

Harry Styles is a breakout musician who has shed his boyband label in favor of embracing his inner brooding rockstar. His PR team think that his rebrand is the perfect time for Harry to come out of the closet and have devised the perfect plan for doing so. Enter Louis Tomlinson, up and coming (and very openly homosexual) model whose public image as America's Sweetheart is the perfect foil for Harry's new edge. From a PR standpoint, it's a dream come true - a power couple that can slowly coax the public into accepting Harry's altered image. The only problem? They hate each other.

always love a good fake dating au and this is no exception! and model louis >> really enjoyed this!

✰ Maybe, Baby* by thoughtsickles | M | 16k | mpreg

It all feels too easy, too good to be true. It all feels like a scene from Louis' daydreams, the kind of life he'd always imagined he'd have when he was younger and bored at his momma's work, sneaking around the hallways of the maternity ward until the nurses let him in to hold the babies. He'd felt so important being allowed to touch them. He'd told them stories of the lives they were going to have, houses with nice wallpaper that wasn't peeling, yards filled with sunshine and flowers and grass that never went yellow. A hammock to nap in, cuddled up with his husband.

You can't stay here, he tells himself, but Baby doesn't want to listen.

have reread this one quite a bit of times now and it still makes me so happy <3 this Louis and Harry deserve the world <333

✰ Let Me Inside by reliablyimperfect | E | 18k

Louis is Harry’s boss, but Harry is the boss of Louis. 

loved this one! really enjoyed the balance between h&l and how they maintained their dynamic in subtle ways outside of the bedroom while also keeping it separate. very much enjoyed the jealousy as well <3

✰ a scintilla of predilection by @dehydratedpoolfics | T | 20k

There, in the far back of the room, next to the only available seat left, is none other than Harry Styles. Harry, who grew up next door to him, who knew all his secrets as a child and played FIFA with him on Saturday mornings after he would spend the night Friday evenings every week, whose curly hair would tickle his nose as they held each other during bitter cold nights that made his room glow a haunting blue.

love ex-childhood friends with misunderstandings!! louis was so cute and i loved his poetry <3 harry too was so stupid but so smitten and lovely :’) really enjoyed this!

✰ Keeping The Flame Alive by @crazyupsetter​ | E | 20k

Recording with One Direction never felt like this. There’s a couple reasons for that, Harry thinks. One is that they did most of their recording on the road, rushed and in busses and hotel rooms, never in one place long enough to really get an argument going. The other, larger and more important one, is that back then he had the sweetest, meanest little omega around to distract him from all of that frustration.

The first time around, when he’d been recording his debut solo album, it hit him pretty hard. He likes to think he’s better adjusted to it now, but frustration is warring under his skin nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be told what to do most of the time, and he especially doesn’t want to be told what to do when it comes to his music.

What he does want right now is that sweet, mean little omega right in front of him with his mouth on Harry’s cock. Unfortunately, the best he’s got is his own hand and a shared toilet. So. That’s really not going to work.

✰ like it’s a game* by @soldouthaz | E | 32k

There is little Harry hates more than truth or dare.

And Louis.

queen of enemies to lovers! it’s been a while since i’ve reread this but too absolutely no surprise, it’s just as amazing as always <3 sarah never misses!

✰ Too Young To Know by @2tiedships2 | M | 35k

Harry doesn’t present as an alpha… until he does.

really enjoyed this as per usual! exes to lovers is my jam and the added angst of Louis dating someone else at the beginning... love <3

✰ Some Things Take Root* by  navigator & quitter | E | 50k

Louis' ex doesn't get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

stumbled upon this randomly and decided to reread on a whim... ended up staying up to read it in one sitting! so good!

✰ Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) by @all-these-larrythings | E | 58k

When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It's just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can't get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

i don’t know how i’ve never read this before??? it was absolutely amazing though! perfect blend of humor and fluff and tension and angst <3

✰ Mind Over Matter (You Under Me) by @youreyesonlarry | E | 74k

It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day. 

the slow burn in this fic killed me - which is to say, it was perfect! loved how they progressed from working together to being friends to something more and how much they genuinely cared for each other! the hockey was so fun too!

✰ Call Out My Name by frenchkiss | E | 102k

Apparently, it's bad PR to fall in love with the omega you hired to help you through your rut.

Harry Styles begs to differ.

ellen truly knocked it out of the park with this one!! had everything i could ever want: abo, famous/non-famous, fluff, humor, angst, drama, and more! i loved it from beginning to end!

wips ~

✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies | E | 64k | 7/11

So maybe Louis’ in over his head.

He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.

am thoroughly enjoying each chapter!! it’s been a wild ride so far and although things are currently calm, i am still on edge!! but i trust mar with my life <3

✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved | E | 83k | 8/16 

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

caught up last night! still really enjoying every chapter and can’t wait to see what happens next!! things are *happening* with h&l and answers are being given!! (love the jealousy too!)

non-1d ~

✰ Keep Me Close (I Need Your Faith) by @princelouisau | E | 23k

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love and in doing so, had broken the one rule he knew he couldn’t come back from. As quickly as he realised, he decided that he must never dare speak it. He resigned himself to loving Draco in silence.

first foray into reading drarry... and, to no one’s surprise, i loved it! beautiful writing as always and beautiful atmosphere! it’s really not a shock that i fell for these characters and their story when danielle is behind it <3 it had me entranced from beginning to end!!

finally, i myself actually posted a fic this month:

my fics ~

✰ yesterday came suddenly by me | E | 49k | mpreg 

Harry the deadliest member of the NYC assassins’ guild, is forced to face a seemingly impossible task in hopes of finally leaving the underground behind for good, but when ghosts from the past come back to haunt him, escaping the darkness becomes that much harder.

If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

[larryinfinitylt]

REVIEWING ALL OF THE SONGS IN EVERY 1D ALBUM CAUSE TODAY IS THE ANNIVERSARY

(TMH EDITION)

LIVE WHILE WE'RE YOUNG

1st of all the MV is one the best!! I never wanted to go to summer camp more in my life

"LET'S GO CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY TILL WE SEE THE SUN"

KISS YOU

I love the beat of the song you just go apeshit crazy to it

ZAYN'S NOTES DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?!?!?!

LITTLE THINGS

A love/praise/adoration/idk you name it song to Louis if I've heard one

Harry's parts make me want to cry 🥲

C'MON C'MON

🚫 BLOCK ME RN IF YOU DON'T LOVE THIS SONG I DON'T WANT THAT NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE 🚫

"I've been watching you all night" Creep

LAST FIRST KISS

The Hawaiian version in This Is Us is superior.

If your 1st language is not English you probably didn't understand what the tittle meant then first time you heard it

HEART ATTACK

🚫 ALSO BLOCK ME IF YOU HATE THIS SONG 🚫

The howl in this song could give me an orgasm, I'm not sorry

ROCK ME

🚫 AGAIN BLOCK ME IF YOU HATE THIS SONG, THEY'RE ALL TOO GOOD IDC🚫

Raise your hand if you used to hear "I won't see Katie again" or something similar in the part where they are spelling "R-O-C-K-M-E AGAIN" 🙋🏻‍♀️

CHANGE MY MIND

Their vocals in this song are *chef's kiss*

We said we wanted you stay as a band AND YOU DIDN'T CHANGE YOUR MIND YOU FILTHY LIARS

Disclaimer: I love their solo careers and I know the band was bad at times, this is a joke so don't come for me

I WOULD

THAT GUITAR IS ONE OF THE MARVELS OF THIS WORLD

"I can't compete MY boyfriend" 🙂

OVER AGAIN

I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE

"The showers that are british" is probably the best lyrics ever written in the history of music

BACK FOR YOU

Another song to go apeshit to, please enjoy

This song is so early 2010's is amazing

THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT US

THIS IS SO SONG IS SO GAY IT HURTS 😭

Is a hate crime they never sang it live

SUMMER LOVE

This song is so soft 🥺🥺🥺

It always reminded me of Grease

SHE'S NOT AFRAID

So haha funny story I 1st heard this song in the This Is Us movie and idk why always thought it was a cover, I'm literally listening to it completely for the first time now 😅😅 (The version of TMH I had ended in Summer Lover so that too)

I only know the lyrics in the chorus, I'm such a dumbass 🤪

LOVED YOU FIRST

Not my first time hearing this one, but I have to admit I first heard it in 2019 🙃

Don't think of Louis answering this was his favorite song the close to the date when Haylor started 🙅🏻‍♀️

NOBODY COMPARES

Another one I'm not entirely familiar with I'm so sorry 😣

Harry's voice sounds babier than usual in this one idk why 🤔

STILL THE ONE

Look when I heard all these songs from the extended version in 2019 and found this one I already knew about Harry covering the Shania Twain song and my brain went 🤯🤯

This song is sooooo bubblegum pop is gives me a tooth ache

**********

To read the rest, click HERE

[theasstour]

𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟏𝟑.𝟒𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞

A/N: Thank you to the lovelies who nominated Strange Tides, Baby Blue, and moi for the 1D Craft Awards 🌊🐚 If you have the time and feel like spreading some love, go vote for your fave fics and authors here ✨ ENJOYYY CHAPTER 5! x

Tuesday, 7 July

“I’d say you’re doing quite alright for someone who has just gotten into knitting,” Bessie said, looking at Y/N’s creation over the rim of her glasses. “What technique did your mother teach you again, sweets? ‘Cause you’re a natural.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Y/N answered honestly, taking her blue square back. “Are there different types of knitting styles?”

Bessie’s laugh was warm and joyous, looking out at Camila, Florence, and Barb, who smiled at Y/N. Though Y/N had been scared of being judged by these women for not knowing how to properly knit at first, there was nothing but kindness and appreciation in their eyes. It seemed they really were just happy to see the beginning of Y/N’s knitting journey. They had all been beyond helpful, taking their time and being patient with her as she learned the ins and outs of knitting. She was still not sure what she was making, but she was knitting a bunch of squares to start off, and she would see where to go from there.

“So,” Florence said, turning her attention back on the knitting in front of her. “What do you think of St Ives thus far, Y/N? Is it living up to your expectations?”

“You’ve been here a month now,” Bessie said, shaking her head as if she couldn’t quite believe it. And Y/N couldn’t believe it herself. Time had flown by so incredibly fast it did not seem quite real. It seemed like only yesterday she had checked in here and met Bessie, or when she ran into Harry and started their little thing. It just did not seem real that time had gone by this fast. In a month’s time, summer would almost be over and she would have to start thinking about checking out and finding out what to do next. Going back home to Winchester was out of the question, but she didn’t really have anywhere else to go.

Y/N took a deep breath, telling herself not to think about that now. Debating what to do after she checked out of The Roaming Crab Inn could be done at another time, not while she was knitting with four lovely ladies. For someone who had lived her whole life with a plan laid out for her near and far future, Y/N was awfully relaxed about the prospect of the chapter of her life that would start once she left St Ives in August.

“I love it here,” she answered truthfully, finding some red yarn so she could start knitting a red square. “I’ve met so many people while staying here, it’s been amazing.”

“It’s been fun to meet Harry’s family as well,” Barb said. “If your name comes up in conversation when we’re at the chess club, Jessa won’t shut up. She’s so proud Harry’s dating such a lovely lady.”

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up, both because she took pride in that compliment but also because she knew Jessa wouldn’t think of her like that when she and Harry “broke up” later.

“Speaking of people you’ve met, my son tells me you went to the pub with him, Harry, and their little group.” Florence looked at Y/N, smiling. “Did he invite you to his birthday this Saturday?”

“Yeah, Harry told me we were invited,” Y/N said.

“Dax and Harry have been close ever since Harry came to St Ives. He even slept at the lighthouse for close to a month after Harry’s father got lost at sea.”

Y/N stopped knitting. When she looked over at Florence again, the older woman was already knitting so she didn’t notice Y/N’s sudden interest. She looked over at Bessie who only gave Y/N a nod as to confirm what Florence had just said, and in that second Y/N was very happy Bessie knew her and Harry’s relationship was only pretend.

“The day they found the empty boat was absolutely horrible. All of St Ives in mourning. Remember it like it was yesterday,” Camila went on, sighing dramatically. “Devastating time.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” Bessie chimed in. “It is such a sad time to reminisce about.”

“Yes, no reason we should think about such things,” Barb went on. “I’m sure it’s a touchy subject for Y/N as well, seeing as Harry is so close to her.”

Y/N focused entirely on her knitting, not really wanting to say anything in regards to Harry’s dad. She knew he died, but she hadn’t really questioned how that happened. For some reason, Y/N had assumed he had been sick, but knowing something happened to Harry’s dad while he was at sea… she didn’t know how to feel. Was it worse to have a loved one be sick and know the end was inevitable and close, or to have them ripped suddenly and unexpectedly out of your life?

“I’m sorry for bringing the mood down, girls,” Florence said, letting a bright laugh escape her lips. “Maybe we need some tea to brighten up our mood some?”

“I think that’s a splendid idea,” Bessie said, getting up from her seat. “Y/N, dear, would you give me a helping hand?”

“Of course.”

Y/N got up and followed Bessie inside to the kitchen, the three others chattering away as the two started making a new batch black tea. Bessie busied herself with finding some mugs, her sugar, and milk, as Y/N just stood beside the kettle and waited for it to finish boiling. With her arms crossed, her mind wandered off to all those times Harry mentioned his dad and his death, not once had he mentioned he was sick, so Y/N didn’t know where she had gotten that idea from. She knew it was not something she should be speculating or thinking about, but right then, she could not help herself.

Instead of thinking about something so tragic, she forced herself to think about Dax’s birthday party the coming weekend. Harry had only mentioned it in passing yesterday, but Y/N was already looking forward to it. There wasn’t much else she did now anyway besides knit, read for the UCAT, and lie about being in a relationship. Throwing some partying into that mix seemed like a bit of fun.

Saturday, 11 July

“I’m about to do it,” Y/N said, eyes on her laptop screen in front of her. Her white summer dress blew a little in the wind from the open window beside her, but the breeze was welcomed, as it always was in Cornwall.

Harry looked up from where he was going through some bills on his couch, wearing his red knitted jumper along with a pair of short dungaree shorts. Y/N was sat on the other side of his tiny house in the windowsill beside his bed. It was big enough to fit her, her books, and laptop, it was kind of her spot now.

“I’m really about to do it,” Y/N repeated, more for her own sake than for Harry’s - who was a little confused and sat with his mouth open, waiting for her to elaborate – because she simply could not believe she was doing this.

“What?” Harry asked after a while, and when Y/N met his eyes, he blinked a few times as if readying himself for whatever she was about to say.

“Apply for the UCAT exam.”

Last week, Y/N had taken Harry up on his offer to study for her UCAT exam at his place. She came over Friday, and upon seeing her walking up to his house around 8:30, Harry walked toward her on the gravel path. She didn’t know why, but she liked that he did that instead of just standing stoic and just watching her. It made her almost feel urgently desired at his house when he did that.

“Hi,” Y/N greeted as they fell into step beside one another. “Report time?”

“Yeah, just walking around and checking everything.”

She smiled. “And so you walked over here to check on me?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

Y/N wanted to laugh, but Harry was looking at the gravel in front of him, lips sucked into his mouth as if telling himself to shut up. He walked her all the way into his house, telling her to make herself feel at home. She sat down by the round table and placed her books out before her, sighing a little to herself as she opened the first one to the page she’d left off on last time. Before going about his day of lightkeeper chores, he made her a cup of tea and told her to help herself to anything in the fridge. He left in a hurry to report, and Y/N didn’t see much of him till two hours later, when he came inside to look through some paperwork.

The rest of the week, she’d popped by almost every single day and then stayed for hours on end. Though she’d mostly been studying, she had also stayed a little longer just to hang out with Harry. She felt safe on Clodgy Point, with Harry, who, once she got him talking about something he found interesting, would talk someone’s ear off. It was so nice to hang out with someone her own age. Someone who would curse and who didn’t need to gossip all the time. There was something so relaxing about Harry’s presence and his little bungalow that attracted Y/N. She simply could not study in her own room anymore, and Harry didn’t seem to mind. He’d meet her on the gravel path and walk her to his house before he went off to report, every single day without fail. She always looked forward to seeing him there, a sight that made the moors around her seem less turbulent and the world a little more colourful.

Though she sat by the door the first two days, she ended up in the windowsill after a while. When Harry caught her there, he asked if her bum wouldn’t get numb from sitting there all day, to which Y/N jokingly said not to worry, she could just bring a cushion next time, though she always forgot. She didn’t mind though; she liked that windowsill so much that her sore arse didn’t bother her. It also seemed Harry liked that his windowsill was being used, because at one point, he brought his Super 8 camera out, taping her doing her work in the windowsill.

On Monday, something happened that took Y/N’s breath away. Harry walked into the house, zipping his mouth shut when their eyes met as if to tell her he didn’t intend on interrupting her. He made himself something to eat for lunch and sat by the round kitchen table, minding his own business and looking out of the window beside him every now and again for some sort of entertainment. Once he was done eating, he washed his plate up and then, instead of walking back out to work, he walked over to his piano. Y/N immediately sat up a bit straighter, resting her hands on her bent knee as she watched Harry open the piano chair, pull a notebook out, and then sit down once he closed it.

Harry’s hands hovered over the keys before he slowly started pressing down on them, producing the softest melody Y/N thought she might have ever heard. He moved along with the piece, feeling the rhythmic waves take over his body and guide him through the history that melody held. It was clear Harry had some sort of attachment to that piece. Y/N didn’t know how carefully musicians played, how much attention and care they gave to each of the pieces they performed, but there was something graceful and almost intimate about watching Harry perform that piece. Y/N simply could not put her finger on it, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him.

Once he was done playing that specific melody, about to start the next one, Y/N opened her mouth, “What’s that piece called?”

Harry looked at her over his shoulder, raising his eyebrows some as if he hadn’t heard her right.

“Is it well-known?”

“No, uhm…” He furrowed his brows some, looking at the dresser stood beside the piano where a few photos were placed. “I wrote it myself?”

“You did?”

“Yeah, it’s a few years old.”

Y/N couldn’t help her smile. “Does the piece have a title?”

Harry nodded slowly. “Saving Grace,” he explained. “It’s got a dual meaning.”

“Which is?”

“Well, I was 20 when Grace was born. Until then I hadn’t really been around babies, so it took some getting used to when Grace was around most of the time. It had only been my dad and me for a long time, then Jessa came into our lives, which ultimately brought Gracie.” Harry looked out the window Y/N sat in. “It had been a very… content life till then. Nothing spectacular, Dad and I really did love each other and were best friends since before Mum left us when I was 6. But…” He trailed off. “But then came Jessa and Grace, and they truly changed all that. They made us so happy.”

A warmness that was not due to the hot temperature outside, made its way like a wave down Y/N’s body.

“Grace became my little person, you know? Though I worked at St Ives Bakery and had friends, I still didn’t know what I wanted to really do with my life. I was about to apply to study music at uni, but… I dunno, I just didn’t. Grace became my purpose for a little while. I earned money so I could take her places and buy her ice cream, or I taught her how to walk, talk, and we did everything together.” Harry turned back to the piano, playing the first few notes slowly. “This melody came to me when I watched her walk without trouble around the moors outside, she was looking at flowers and she was so happy. The melody tries to capture that moment and how perfect that day was.” He stopped, glancing at the sheet in front of him. “She was two years old.”

“So, essentially, you try to capture feelings and moments in your music?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have any other pieces?”

Harry chuckled, looking over his shoulder at her. “You know, the reason I started playing was to help you concentrate. Piano music is great for that.”

“Sod my work, I want to know more about your music.”

“Oi!” Harry exclaimed, turning his body in her direction now. “I’ve never heard you say that word before! Never heard you speak like that!”

Y/N laughed, but persuaded Harry to play a few of his other pieces before he went back to work.

That Saturday when Y/N brought up the exam, Harry hadn’t played any piano. He sometimes would, both to calm himself down, but also to help Y/N concentrate. She would sometimes take breaks just to listen to him, but his playing really did help her focus. Harry was doing some of his work in the house that Saturday, probably to keep her company, but she was very happy he was there. She needed someone to talk this through with.

There was an instant pull to the edges of Harry’s lips, something that he didn’t have to think about, it was instinctive and genuine. A slight breath left his mouth, almost like something of a chuckle, a relief of sorts that made her all hot. He smiled and got up from the couch, a reason for his movements as if he moved a little easier now that he’d just heard that.

“Are you really?” he asked, taking his tea mug and nodding at Y/N’s beside her. She picked it up and handed it to him.

“I mean, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, and I feel like it’s stupid to study for an exam if I’m never going to take it.”

“That makes sense, yeah.”

“So, I’m just gonna do it now.”

Harry put their mugs down, filling up the kettle before making another round. Y/N liked that he just assumed she wanted another cuppa. She liked the fact he made her this hot beverage that took a long time for someone to drink up. That he made her several a day. She really liked that.

“I’m thinking, you’ve been reading for weeks and you clearly know the material, you might as well,” Harry said.

“There’s just… I dunno…”

“What?”

“No.”

Harry was quiet, so when Y/N looked at him, he was already looking at her, waiting for her to continue. Both knew she wouldn’t hold back once she’d already started saying something.

“I’m scared I won’t show up.”

Harry frowned. “Why? That something is gonna come up?”

“No, that I’ll just oversleep on purpose or find any possible solution so I won’t have to go. Maybe my brain will refuse to revise the entire week before it, I tended to do that in school. When I have an opportunity to, I make things hard for myself.”

Harry plopped two sugars into her cuppa. “I won’t let that happen.”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “How, you’re gonna carry me out of my room and to your van, then drive me to the exam?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

She laughed, looking back at the laptop in front of her as Harry walked over, putting the tea down beside her.

“Thanks,” she said.

“I think you should just do it.”

“I know I should, but… once I sign up, it’s all happening. It’s not just something I’m thinking about doing, it’s actually happening and there’s a date I gotta work toward.” She sighed. “It’s not just a dream anymore.”

“It stopped being ‘just a dream’ the second you bought those books,” Harry said, sipping his tea as Y/N looked up at him where he stood beside her. “When you started reading, you knew what you were doing and yet you did it anyway.”

She studied him for a second, meeting his eyes the second before she turned back to the laptop. “Guess you’re right.”

“I’m right.”

She flung her arm out, hitting him just across his knee. “Cocky.”

“No,” Harry giggled. “I’m correct. You should try being it sometime.”

“Tone it down!”

Harry laughed, walking back over to his paperwork again. He sat working for a bit longer, finishing his tea before he put everything back in the folder and walked back out of the house and to the lighthouse. When the front door slammed shut, it was like Y/N was slapped out of a sort of trance. She had just been looking at the UCAT website, mouse hovering over the ‘Register and Book’ button, mind somewhere else completely. She remembered what Harry said, how registering and taking this exam wouldn’t make this dream of hers reality all of a sudden, she had done that herself when she started deliberately revising for the UCAT.

She clicked the button and made herself a new user on the website. Reading through everything carefully, Y/N felt her heart picking up speed. It was dawning on her that she was really doing this, despite everything, she was finally registering to take the test. The next few minutes as she took all of this in, she completely forgot where she was. All she knew was the information being fed to her. The wind, the sun, the fly flying around her head, nor whatever Harry was doing was any of her concern. She focused entirely on registering and booking a date. A fee of £75 had to be paid, and though Y/N would never have thought about paying that kind of money before, she hesitated now.

She didn’t have a job, her parents weren’t providing for her anymore because… well, she wasn’t talking to them, so she only had the money on her one card left. Though she was sure she could afford the test fee, there would come a time when she couldn’t. Money had never been a problem until now. This hadn’t been something she thought about before, it hadn’t been a problem then because her parents were filthy rich, but she recognised this now. However, this test had been on her mind for years and it was something she really wanted to do, so spending money on it wasn’t something she needed to feel guilty about. Y/N paid the fee and sat there staring at her screen as a ‘Thanks for your booking’ popped up on her screen. Her test was September 10th. That was in two months. In two months she would be taking the UCAT.

She got up from the windowsill, shaking her clammy hands to dry them some, a shaky breath leaving her parted lips as her heart galloped inside her chest. It didn’t feel real. None of it felt real. She was doing the UCAT exam. This was her first big step into dentistry. She was actually doing what she had been dreaming of doing for years now.

She had no idea what made her do it but she walked out of the house, instinctively walking towards the lighthouse. Harry was already halfway to the cottage from the lighthouse, halting a little at Y/N’s abrupt exit. She stopped when she saw him.

“I did it.”

Those three words took a few seconds for Harry to comprehend, but when he did, he gave her the biggest grin she’d ever seen on his face. His eyes completely disappeared behind his cheekbones, crinkles appearing beside them, and his crooked smile was accompanied with his brilliant dimples that breathed light and meaning into every situation they were present in. The sight of it made her own appear and she put a hand over her chest, feeling her heart still going hard against her ribcage. Harry must have not thought a lot of it, because he nearly opened his arms, but they quickly fell to his side. Next, he went to give her a high five, but that almost seemed inappropriate because it was such a huge moment to Y/N.

But Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about the way Harry had opened his arms for her just now. Couldn’t stop thinking about how he wanted her close like that to congratulate her on what she’d just done. And, the part of her that hadn’t really experienced someone’s noticeable pride in her like this before, wouldn’t mind at all. That’s why she ran towards him, and the two seconds Harry had to prepare, Y/N both saw the visible shock at her sprinting for him, but also a sort of jubilation like it was an honour. Y/N threw her arms around him and Harry quickly wrapped her in his, a breath of relief skimming her neck and making goosebumps run through her entire body. She laughed as Harry picked her off the ground, groaning in triumph at the news of her finally having signed up for the UCAT.

She leaned her head against his, smelling that same perfume on him that she remembered smelling when she wore his knitted jumper a few weeks ago. Her theory had also been right: Harry was an amazing hugger. His grip was tight and she was sure he closed his eyes, really immersing himself completely in the person he was embracing. Fingers spread out across her back, the tips of one just touching her shoulder blade and the other on her waist, squeezing her slightly for a few seconds before letting her down again.

“That’s amazing, Y/N,” Harry said, and Y/N tightened her grip.

When they finally let go of one another, Harry ran inside and came back some seconds later holding his camera, said he needed to document this. Y/N did a few poses that made Harry laugh, then proceeding to run out into the field beyond the lighthouse. She felt absolutely ecstatic as she ran around, grinning and jumping, her arms held up high and her heart soaring. After all this time, she was finally pursuing this. If she was able to do something that terrified and excited her like this, then what else could she do? Part of her felt like she could do anything now.

Porthgwidden Beach was like Harry described it: small. Once Harry and Y/N arrived at the tiny car park above the beach, Y/N stopped for a moment to take in the beach that wasn’t even a fraction of what the other two major beaches of St Ives were. Some Tiësto song was playing somewhere and the beach was crowded, all guests of Dax’s birthday party. The Porthgwidden Beach Café seemed to have been booked for the occasion as well, people around their age all sitting grouped around the table with their bottles and cups. No one seemed to be going crazy on their alcohol, which reassured Y/N some because it had been a while since she had been drunk, a glass or two of anything would make her very lightheaded and giggly. She had brought with her a bottle of wine in her tote bag, Harry seemed to be relying on his mates having brought drinks. If not, Y/N wouldn’t mind sharing the rest of hers with him.

Y/N had left Harry’s place not long after she signed up for the UCAT so she could get ready for Dax’s birthday party in her own room. She wore a dark green column midi skirt along with a white tee shirt and some short heels that she regretted wearing the second her and Harry stepped out into the sand. He looked over his shoulder at her once he noticed her struggling a bit, offering his hand for her to hold so she could take her heels off. While she did that, she took the liberty to study him again. His outfit was simple, yet effortlessly hot. High waisted mid wash denim jeans, a baggy black tee shirt tucked into them, along with some white socks and black Converse. Y/N had a theory Harry would end up taking his own shoes off by the end of the night too.

The two had met on Island Street where they knew none of the other partygoers would venture. That way, people would’ve seen them walk together all the way to the party, assuming they must’ve spent time at Harry’s place before coming here. They had discussed this plan over a last cuppa tea before Y/N left earlier that day, Harry had seemed very happy with himself for coming up with that one. And as they stood there, Y/N holding his hand while taking her shoes off, they heard some loud whistles followed by a “There they are!”

Looking over, they saw the birthday boy making his way over, arms spread wide and the biggest grin on his face. “My boyo!”

“Dax, not now-“

But the man didn’t listen. He hugged Harry to him, causing Harry to take a few steps, resulting in Y/N losing her balance. With a squeal, Y/N almost fell face first into the sand again, but Harry was fast to bring one hand under her armpit and the other to her hip. He dragged her toward him, her torso flat against his. She saw Harry’s eyes on her face in her peripheral vision, felt his breath on her cheek.

“Oi!” Dax laughed. “Sorry ‘bout that, Y/N. Got a bit carried away seeing this hunk.” Dax put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, causing Harry to jump right out of his trance and let go of Y/N, as if couples didn’t normally embrace each other like this without hesitation.

“Happy birthday, Dax,” Y/N smiled before picking up her shoe, shoving the pair into her tote bag along with her cardigan and Harry’s red knitted jumper.

“Happy birthday, mate,” Harry said.

“You know, I expected you to be the first one here.” Dax crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at Harry.

Harry furrowed his brows at Dax. “What do you mean?”

“Well, isn’t your best friend’s birthday important to you?”

Harry was quiet for a second. “Oh, my word, Dax.”

“I’m just a joke to you.”

“You sure are.”

“Look who it is!” Ellie called, grinning as her and the rest of Harry’s little gang made their way over. “You made it!”

“We were starting to think you two wouldn’t come,” Amir said, his hair in the most effortlessly pretty bun at the top of his head. “Too busy?” Amir wiggled his eyebrows.

“You’re too caught up in people’s sex lives for it to be normal, mate,” Harry said, taking the cup Fatima offered him. “Cheers.”

Something about Harry referring to him and Y/N’s sex life made Y/N’s cheeks feel awfully hot. Even though their joined sex life was non-existent, it still got to her. Maybe it was the way Harry always dodged those questions so the two wouldn’t have to answer any awkward queries they had absolutely no idea about. She didn’t know, but she rummaged through her bag so people wouldn’t see how flustered she suddenly got.

“Just trying to make conversation,” Amir said.

“Well, don’t,” Jo chimed in, their smile mocking and Amir only huffed in response.

“By the way!” Dax exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. “We’re going Terraland next week, you coming this year, Y/N?”

Y/N raised her eyebrows in question. “What’s Terraland?”

“Theme park in Helston, we go every year towards the end of the summer vacation,” Jo explained. “Harry here-“ They gestured at the man standing beside Y/N. “-Doesn’t like Terraland.”

“I do,” Harry protested. “I like laying by the pool and not doing shit. I don’t particularly like it when you force me on rollercoasters.”

Y/N smiled. “I’ll come if Harry decides to.”

“Brill! All of us are coming, maybe a few others,” Amir said.

“So, it’s like an adventure park with rollercoasters and such?” Y/N asked

“That and pools, very much the kind of thing you visit when you’re on vacation in, like, Spain,” Harry explained. “But it’s in Cornwall.”

“Good for a group of grown up kids, ey?” Dax grinned, clapping his hands together.

“Come, Y/N, babe.” Ellie linked her arm with Y/N’s, taking Y/N off guard, but she didn’t stop Ellie. She looked at their arms and smiled a little. “Let’s get you a cup so we can get this party started.”

“Love your skirt, by the way,” Fatima smiled as they reached a table with tons of cups and napkins.

“Ahh, thank you. Haven’t worn it in a while, so I felt it was fitting to do so today.” Y/N glanced down at her skirt, running her hand over it before reaching for a cup.

“Ellie and I were saying the other day that you’ve got such a sophisticated sense of style, you need to take us shopping.”

“Could use a few pointers,” Ellie agreed, watching Y/N as she poured herself a glass of wine.

“Really?” Y/N screwed the cork shut before putting the bottle away, smiling at the two girls. “I mean, it’s not that good-“

“-Out of respect for what Harry said, I will stop you before you discredit yourself,” Ellie smiled back.

Y/N laughed. “What about respect for me? Respect me wanting to discredit myself for having a mediocre clothing style.”

Both Fatima and Ellie joined in on the laughing and the three girls walked away from the table so they could hang out by themselves. Though St Ives had around 11,000 inhabitants, Y/N was sure a lot of the guests weren’t locals. Maybe friends from University or friends-of-friends, everything to get a good party going. Judging by what Fatima and Ellie told Y/N, this was an annual thing. Dax Rose held a massive birthday party and absolutely everyone was invited. Bring your own alcohol, bring a friend, and bring a smile, and you were welcomed with open arms. People were sitting in the sand or by the café, others were just standing around, some were dancing, and a group was also taking a swim and joking around in the water. Y/N genuinely liked the atmosphere; it was just really freeing and nice. People wore whatever they wanted, laughter could be heard everywhere, and it just seemed like everyone wanted to have a good time.

Though anyone could come join the party – something that made her look around her a few too many times -, there were still enough people there to notice something suspicious going on.

Fatima, Ellie, and Y/N stood just talking for a while. It was really nice to talk to some girls her own age again, she couldn’t remember the last time she had done that. She had some good friends at school but once they had gone off to University or moved away from Winchester, she fell out of touch with most of them. Y/N knew it wasn’t personal, she quite liked the fact her friends had acquired new lives for themselves, being happier and more fulfilled. But she had missed just standing around chatting nonsense. The conversation didn’t hold much significance, there wasn’t much crucial information going around, or any sort of seriousness attached to it, just some mates having a chat. Y/N found herself wondering if Fatima and Ellie would come if she asked them out for lunch one day.

“I saw this documentary the other day, it’s on iPlayer,” Ellie said. “It was super interesting and disturbing.”

“Oh?” Y/N said, tipsy at this point and just holding the cup of wine in her hand, not wanting to drink more in case it would make her dizzy and very giggly.

“Yeah, it was basically about all these people who committed gruesome murders in the UK, and who go free now.”

Y/N looked up from her cup with wide eyes and at Ellie as Fatima gasped.

“Yeah, I can’t remember what it was called…” As Ellie started thinking, a shadow appeared beside Y/N and she jumped. The tall red-haired man standing beside Y/N only smiled at her, holding a hands up to indicate he was friendly.

Fatima clicked her tongue. “Are you trying to give her a heart attack, Cam?”

“No, I’m sorry, darl,” the man said, looking at Y/N as he held a hand out for her to shake. “Just saw an unfamiliar face and thought I’d introduce myself, is all. I’m Cameron.”

Y/N took a huge breath, meeting Ellie’s eyes before looking at Cameron and shaking his hand. “Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he mused under his breath, nodding his head as his hand fell to his side again. “Haven’t seen you around here before, Y/N.”

“I’ve only been here a month now.”

“Too bad we didn’t meet earlier, then.”

Y/N’s eyes widened a bit, the compliment taking her off guard. She only chuckled some, wrapping both her hands around her cup as she looked down at the liquid in it.

“When did you come back, Cam?” Ellie asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Two weeks ago. Are you on vacation here then, Y/N?” Cameron didn’t even spare Ellie a look, his undivided attention on Y/N as she continued to stare at her drink.

But suddenly a pair of black Converse appeared beside her bare feet. She felt a hand on her lower back, a warm and comforting pressure that slowly trailed its way to her waist, wrapping his fingers around her curves and bringing her toward him. Her figure fell against his, fitting against his side as if they’d done this before.

“That’s my girlfriend you’re trying to pull, Cam,” Harry said, his voice steady and a little darker than normal. Maybe it was the effect of the alcohol he had drunk this far or it being late, Y/N didn’t know, but she knew she liked it.

Cameron was quiet for a second. “Your girlfriend? Mate, you got a girlfriend?”

“This is her,” Harry continued.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Haz.”

“Don’t apologise to me, apologise to my girlfriend.”

Cameron smiled, as if he couldn’t believe Harry, but he met Y/N’s eyes. “I apologise, I didn’t know.”

Y/N nodded, not really knowing what else to say or do. Cameron looked at the other three, saying a quick goodbye before buggering off. As he disappeared, Harry’s hand slid back around her waist as he came to stand in front of Y/N. She felt his touch along her forearm, rough fingers caressing her with such sensitivity as if he was afraid of crossing a line. Whenever he touched her like this, she could tell by the rough skin of his hands that he wasn’t used to being gentle like this; wasn’t used to being careful when touching someone else. His work made him have rough skin and maybe even a rough touch, but he was always so incredibly cautious when he reached for Y/N.

He slid his hand into hers, squeezing her fingers as she wrapped them around him. Their eyes met and upon seeing him in front of her, seeing him this close, she felt her eyes widen a bit. Though the entire reason why he was doing this was because there were people around watching them, it still felt like everyone was intruding on a special moment between the two of them.

“You okay? Saw he made you jump a bit,” Harry said, hooded and glassy eyes searching her face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just came up out of nowhere,” Y/N answered, offering a smile because she knew Harry’s concern was genuine.

Y/N wasn’t sure if Ellie or Fatima noticed Harry’s slight hesitance because by the sound of it, they were chatting amongst themselves, but Y/N did. Harry leaned in, eyes on hers till he closed them. Every single hair on Y/N’s body shot up as Harry pressed his lips gently against her cheek. He was covering her view of Ellie and Fatima, so the two couldn’t see the immediate shock on Y/N’s face. Their conversation halted, she was aware of that, but all her attention was focused on Harry’s lips and how hot her entire body got in the matter of a second. She closed her eyes, eyelashes brushing his skin. Harry pulled away, resting the right side of his forehead against her left for a few seconds. She wondered if he could feel how hard her heart was beating, how clammy her hands were. Could he tell she wanted to reach for his neck and hold him there, but she was carrying her cup and her other hand was already holding his? Could he feel her breaths on his neck like she could feel his? Did he want to stay like that, safe in each other’s company and unbothered by everyone else, for the rest of the night?

“I’m sure there are taxis driving about town if you two wanna go home,” Ellie said, and Fatima cursed her right away.

Harry took a step away from Y/N, clearing his throat as a familiar redness came to his cheeks. His hand was about to fall away from hers, but she gripped his harder, not ready to let go yet. He gave Fatima and Ellie a tight-lipped smile before meeting Y/N’s eyes again, the muscles in his face relaxing.

“El, I need a refill,” Fatima said, and though Y/N couldn’t read their faces yet, she could kind of tell what that meant.

“Let’s go get you a drink then. See you two in a bit.” Ellie and Fatima walked off, falling into conversation right away.

Harry made sure they were completely alone, that no one was eavesdropping before he said lowly, “Sorry if that was too much, I just… I just thought it’d look good, you know? To kiss my girlfriend- my pretend girlfriend around other people just to underline that we are… you know…”

Y/N nodded, biting her lips together as she watched Harry continue to try and find his words.

“Also, sorry if you wanted to chat to Cameron, I’m… I don’t want this to get in the way-“

“-I didn’t. I don’t.”

Silence stretched on, eyes on one another as the party continued around them. They didn’t have any regard for it as they kept their attention on one another. Y/N had answered so quickly and so honestly that it made her nervous when Harry didn’t say anything. Because it was true that she didn’t want to talk to Cameron, she didn’t know who he was and would probably never see him again. But she knew who Harry was, and she wanted to see him all the time. There was a comfort in his presence that settled over her like a warm, safe blanket. She liked being around him. She didn’t want to be near Cameron or anyone else.

“Do you think people think we’re a couple right now? Are we believable? Is this believable?” Harry mumbled.

Y/N giggled. “Well, you just kissed my cheek out of nowhere, I’d hope it’s somewhat believable and that they think we’re a couple.”

Harry laughed, looking down at their hands. “Yeah, it’s kind of… it’s kind of easy, isn’t it?”

Y/N frowned. “What is?”

“Being like this with you. I might feel like a right idiot when I take your hand or kiss your cheek, but you don’t make me feel like one.”

She smiled.

“It’s natural. Not that… that being in a relationship with you and acting like this is natural, I didn’t mean it like that, but it’s-“ He stopped himself looking up at her again as he bit his bottom lip, shrugging slightly. “-It’s like joking about with a friend and just having fun, feeling comfortable.”

“Yeah?”

“You know… I hope I don’t sound like a melt and I’m probably only able to say this ‘cause I’m a tad tipsy,” Harry said, and Y/N giggled. “But you’ve become one of my best friends. If not best friend, a very good one. Like… dunno, I can talk to you about anything, I don’t feel weird being silent around you, or saying or doing stuff that is weird, and I-I feel like you might feel the same way about me. At least I hope so.”

Her smile widened. “I do.”

He let out a small breath and Y/N chuckled.

“It’s sad that when this ends it’ll look weird if we remain friends, won’t it?” Y/N hated that she was thinking and talking about a time in the future they both knew was coming, but avoided talking about at all costs.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, do exes stay friends without it being weird to a degree? If you start dating someone for example, will our friends expect us to act a certain way, and if they do and we contradict their theory, will that make them suspicious of us?”

Harry furrowed his brows a little.

“I want to hang out with you and it’s sad to think that in August, we might have to part ways and never talk again ‘cause it’ll look… weird. Dunno, I haven’t really gone through this before.”

Harry let out a breathy chuckle. “Neither have I.”

Y/N laughed.

“I mean, I’ve gone through a break-up, but not like this.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t talked to my ex since it happened.”

They were quiet for a moment as Harry digested Y/N’s choice of words. “You haven’t talked to your ex since you broke up either? Like, at all?”

“He, uhm, he’s sent me texts, but I don’t want to talk to him.”

Harry must have noticed how little Y/N wanted to talk about her ex, because he looked down at their hands again and let their conversation end there. Y/N held her cup out for him and Harry took it, looking at it. He raised his eyebrows, silently asking if she wanted any more of it, but she shook her head. He poured it out in the sand.

“You’re enjoying yourself?” Harry asked after a little while, wiping something off the corners of his mouth with his free index and thumb.

“The party?” Y/N met Harry’s eyes and then searched for Ellie and Fatima, she’d have to find them later. “Yeah, it’s nice. I like your friends.”

“There are a couple more who want me to introduce you, so we’ll have to do that later if it’s okay.”

“Of course.”

Harry’s eyes fell to the now empty cup. “And are you enjoying yourself in St Ives?”

Y/N smiled. “I am, it’s fun.” As she laid extra pressure on the last word, Harry looked up and as she raised her eyebrows, he knew she was referring to them and their fake relationship. He chuckled and Y/N watched him.

“Is it everything you hoped it’d be?”

She was unsure what he was referring to, but she said, “More.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she answered, folding her hands.

“So, you’re… you’re staying?” Pause. “Right?”

Confused, Y/N furrowed her brows at Harry, studying his face to try and find some sort of explanation to that utterance. She slowly opened her mouth, and said, “Staying?”

“Here.”

“On the beach?”

“No.”

“In St Ives?”

Something that could be interpreted as a nod happened, but no words left Harry’s lips. Instead, he continued to look at her, eyes searching her face as if he could find her answer somewhere there. A slight breeze blew past them, making a curl come loose and hang in front of Harry’s eye. He quickly pushed it away, not letting anything prevent him from seeing Y/N fully as she realised what Harry meant. Y/N felt his fingers brush her arm on their way down.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Harry didn’t say anything or nod this time around. Their eyes didn’t waver, looking at each other and not daring to look away. Y/N didn’t register till then how close they were standing. When the wind blew from behind Harry, she smelled his familiar scent and it made something inside her flutter. It was instinctive to look down at his lips, just as instinctive to look up and feel her breath hitch somewhere in her throat as she saw his lips part. Unapologetically, Harry’s eyes did the same that Y/N’s had done just a few seconds prior. A fire-hot shiver ran up her spine as he glanced at her lips, taking a step forward so that their hands rested against one another. Y/N wanted to look at his lips again, but she simply could not look away from his eyes. He was so close and she didn’t want to ruin it, didn’t want to look away.

“Do you think we’re believable now?” Harry whispered, his voice hoarse.

Y/N couldn’t bring herself to answer, she was waiting for something unspeakable; something that couldn’t be put into word for fear of the reality of those words being too raw, too true. She felt his curl against her forehead. His breath on her nose. Her body prickling with anticipation and confusion, unable to properly decipher if what was going on was all part of the show or if this was genuine. Harry was too respectable to make a move, and Y/N was too perplexed to do anything. If she kissed him, how would he feel? Would he take it as her being genuinely interested in him, or that they were just doing it to seem like a genuine couple? And if she kissed him, would she interpret it as her genuinely fancying him, or would she do it just to feed into their façade?

Before she could think about anything else, someone shouted something above the music and everyone else talking. It seemed to have caught quite a few people’s attention, because the volume on the beach lowered considerably. Harry tore his eyes away from Y/N and looked in the direction of the commotion. Y/N did as well, craning her neck to see beyond the group of people that were hugging and crowding what looked to be a new guest. Harry froze in front of Y/N and she looked at him, then back at the group.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“My…” Harry mumbled, pausing for some seconds. “Emilia.”

Y/N looked back at Harry. “Emilia?”

Harry nodded.

“Your ex?”

“The one who lived in Munich for two years, yeah.” Harry ran a hand through his hair before he met Y/N’s eyes. “I haven’t seen her since she came back, think she came back sometime last week.”

“Do you want to go say hi?”

“I…” Harry glanced in Emilia’s direction again, clearly thinking it over thoroughly. “I mean… yes, but… she’d meet you as well. She’d have to.”

“Why?”

“’Cause Dax won’t be able to keep himself from bringing up the fact that I have a new girlfriend. Pretend girlfriend, but… you know…”

Y/N nodded.

“If she knows I’m here and I’m with my new girlfriend, she’s gonna wanna meet you.”

She inhaled sharply. “Why would she want to meet the person you’re supposedly being intimate with now?”

Harry’s eyes grew wide for a single second before he composed himself, blinking himself back to reason. “Dunno. Emilia is very sociable. Just like you.”

“But she’d meet the person you’re with now, I don’t see why she’d want to meet them.”

“Maybe she’s happy for me, maybe she wants to meet someone who supposedly makes me happy,” Harry offered, shrugging his shoulders.

Y/N stared at him for a few seconds. “I know you said she didn’t want to be with you ‘cause it affected her mental health, and I get that, but leaving you when you were at your lowest is still an awful thing to do.”

Harry glanced at Y/N.

“And then not talking to you for two years after just sodding off to Munich. She doesn’t know what you’ve been through since then, do you think she’s gonna care now?”

Harry furrowed his brows. “Y/N, I loved Emilia.”

“I’m aware, but the people we love don’t have to love us back the same way we love them. One part always ends up loving more, feeling more, doing more. We can’t choose how much we love someone, and we don’t have a say in how they love us, but the fact of the matter is that if you love someone, you act like it. You let them know.”

Harry didn’t say anything, he just bit the inside of his cheek and continued to look at Y/N.

“I’m fully aware you loved Emilia, probably still do, but it doesn’t sit right with me that she just removed herself like that completely. You’re not a toxic person, you were just going through a rough time.”

“Harry!” Amir shouted, waving Harry and Y/N over. “Harry, mate!”

Harry watched Y/N for a few more seconds, probably either debating what she’d just said or losing every shred of respect he had for her, Y/N didn’t know. He nodded in the direction of everyone and the two started walking there, strolling the distance in silence. She didn’t know how she was supposed to interpret said silence, if it was a good kind or if he just didn’t want to talk to her for the rest of the night because he had taken offense to what she’d said.

When they reached the group, they made space for Harry and Y/N, and the first thing Y/N noticed was the brunette standing on the opposite side to the circle from them. Her blue eyes lit up when she saw Harry and she smiled at him instantly, clearly happy to see him after two years of no contact.

“Hi,” she exclaimed, crossing the circle, and giving Harry a hug. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” Harry said. “How was Munich?”

“Amazing, I’m moving there permanently after University, I’m sure.” Emilia stepped away from Harry and immediately, her eyes fell on Y/N. “And this must be the girlfriend.”

Harry and Y/N’s eyes met, Harry raising his eyebrows in a quick “told you so”, which made Y/N smile some before turning back to Emilia.

“Yes, I guess I am. And you’re the ex.”

Harry shifted uncomfortably, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he looked from Y/N to Emilia and back again. It was evident that the rest of the group, and quite a few others as well, were watching this interaction with keen interest. They were probably waiting for one of them to start a fight and the other one to feed into it, something Harry would step in to stop and take sides, which would ultimately just end badly. It was clearly something a lot of people thought would be great entertainment. But Y/N kept her cool, not wanting to sound passive aggressive or make Harry uncomfortable. Though she was not impressed with Emilia’s past actions, she wasn’t about to judge her solely on them. Y/N hoped she was right not to.

“I am, it’s been so long since I’ve seen Harry.” Emilia looked back at Harry, considerably smaller than him, looking up at him through her lashes. “That rain check you were talking about, you could make up for it by walking me over to get a cup?”

Y/N looked at Harry, about to open her mouth and ask what rain check Emilia was talking about, but she realised it was none of her business. And questioning Harry like this in front of everyone would just feed into everything everyone wanted. So, Y/N just crossed her arms over her chest.

“Actually, we’re about to leave,” Harry said, giving Emilia a small smile.

Emilia pouted. “Really? It’ll only take you a minute.”

Harry opened his mouth to inhale hugely, looking over at Y/N who hoped he could tell she didn’t like this. But Harry met Emilia’s eyes again, taking a step back and Emilia grinned as the two started walking towards the table in the middle of the beach with all the cups. Y/N watched them, how easily they fell into conversation and how eager Emilia was to talk to Harry again. While witnessing this, Y/N kept reminding herself of what Harry had said earlier, about her becoming one of his closest friends. She hoped repeating that moment to herself would prevent her from getting hurt and sad and angry, but it didn’t. When turning back toward the gang, she realised both Ellie and Dax were watching Harry and Emilia as well. And upon taking a look around, she realised Jo, Amir, and Fatima were as well. Y/N didn’t know for what purpose, but if Dax’s tense jaw was any indicator, it couldn’t have been for a particularly good reason.

Why would Harry do that? Though Y/N wasn’t in a relationship with him, it was still embarrassing for her to have to stand there and wait for him. She felt ridiculous when Fatima met her eyes again, giving her an apologetic smile, one Y/N – Harry’s fake girlfriend – didn’t deserve, but she appreciated it nevertheless. Because despite everything, this hurt. She dug her nails into her upper arms as she stood there, mad at Harry for the first time ever. Though it had been gormless of Emilia to ask in the first place, Harry hadn’t really needed much persuasion.

As Emilia and Harry’s voices got louder, the gang started up a light conversation that Y/N pretended to be part of. She only gave Harry a slight glance before looking back at Dax who was talking, the guy not giving the returning two any of his attention either. Y/N wondered if Dax thought the same way about Emilia’s behaviour as she did, but then again, it wasn’t like Y/N could take Dax aside and ask him that. If Y/N sought Dax out to talk about Harry’s ex, it wouldn’t look good.

“Ready to leave?” Y/N asked, reaching into her tote bag for her cardigan. Some of her passive aggressiveness was detectable in her voice, she hoped no other than Harry picked up on it. She was still tipsy so she blamed her incapability to hold back on that.

“Yeah,” Harry said, standing very still as he watched Y/N put her cardigan on. Once it was on, she smiled at everyone, and then looked at Harry as he directed a “See ya, yeah?” at everyone. Though Dax was visibly sad the two were leaving, he seemed to know why they were bailing because he didn’t ask them why or stop them. Y/N put her shoes back on and the two started on their way back up the hill that led to the car park.

It was unexpected when Harry reached for her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers so slowly and so deliberately that she felt it in every single one of her cells. Though it was nice to feel him there, she had to bite her lip from saying anything as they walked up Burrow Road. The second they were out of sight and alone, Y/N let go of his hand. This wasn’t something Harry would’ve usually paid much attention had he not heard her passive aggression just a few moments earlier.

“Is it Emilia?” Harry asked.

It was stupid how the only time Harry managed to be blunt and upfront was when he knew he was in trouble or if someone was annoyed with him. At least Y/N thought so.

She straightened her back, wrapping her cardigan tighter around herself. “What about Emilia?”

“Is that why you’re all… mad? Dunno if mad is the best word.”

“Think it describes how I’m feeling perfectly,” Y/N said. “’Cause I’d say I’m mad with a dash of disappointed.”

Harry looked over at her, frowning again. “Why?”

“Why am I mad you walked over there with Emilia?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders exaggeratingly. “Call it intuition, call it paranoia, call it whatever you bloody want, but I think she wants you back now that you’re not broken up about your Dad anymore.”

Harry took a few seconds to say, “I’ll call that stupidity.”

The laugh that left Y/N was anything but friendly and warm. “Fine. Do whatever you want.”

“Why are you so mad about this anyway? It’s not like we’re…” Harry stopped himself, looking over at Y/N who refused to look at him. “It’s not like we’re a couple.”

“It’s still embarrassing. I was left standing there while my boyfriend walked off with his ex. You don’t even want to admit that what you did was stupid.”

“’Cause it’s not, we just walked down to that table so she could get herself a cup.”

Y/N sighed, running her hands over her face. “Yes, it’s an innocent act and I probably have no right to act like this, but I’m being a friend. I’m trying to look out for you.”

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Being a friend, looking out for me?”

Y/N looked at him, seeing his set jaw and piercing eyes. “Why wouldn’t I look out for you?”

“Right now you just seem mad I hung out with my ex.”

She glanced away again, so frustrated with him that she felt like screaming. They reached Back Road, Y/N walking straight ahead to take the quickest way back to the Inn, Harry was turning right to Clodgy. “Interpret it any way you want, Harry. I’m being truthful when I tell you I just want what’s best for you.”

There was a pause as Harry watched Y/N cross the road. “You’re just gonna leave like that? You don’t wanna talk it out?”

“You don’t understand where I’m coming from, Harry!” Y/N exclaimed as she faced him, turning her back on the dark alleyway behind her. “What’s the point?!”

“Y/N, it’s not like I’m making out with Emilia in front of everyone!”

“I know, but that small act of just walking down there has a lot of meaning! She wants to make up for lost time!”

“You’re just reading too much into this!”

“And you think the best of people who hurt you!”

“She left for her own good, don’t blame her for that!”

“I’m not! I just think it’s odd to not check up on you in those two years following your breakup when you were clearly having a tough time when she left!”

“Oh, my days, Y/N.” Harry ran his hands over his face and through his hair.

“I know you want to see the best in everyone, but I’ve experienced people fucking me over ‘cause I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Multiple times. I’m not doing that again, I’m-I’m just not. And I don’t want to watch that same thing happen to you.”

Harry blinked when Y/N cursed, but quickly regained himself. “I can take care of myself!”

“I’m just being a friend and looking out for you, I’m sorry if-“

“-And what if I don’t want you to look out for me as a friend?!”

Y/N was about to answer, but she felt something brush against her back and then a figure moving out of the dark alleyway behind her. Her heart skipped a beat and the next thing she knew, she felt it in her throat. She jumped out of the way, stepping just in the crack between two cobblestones and stumbling away from the stranger. The man looked at Y/N as she regained her balance, about to reach his hand out to help her when Harry rushed across the road. Y/N managed herself, but she took another step away from the stranger who genuinely looked baffled as to what had just happened. Y/N put a hand over her heart, feeling it beating furiously. Calm down, calm down, calm down, she told herself, feeling safer the second Harry put a hand to her upper arm.

“You alright, miss?” the man asked, looking at Harry who was standing beside Y/N, making sure she was okay.

“Sorry,” Y/N said, doing her best to give him a smile. “I’m just a bit jumpy. And a tad drunk.”

He laughed joyously before continuing on his way, and the second he turned away, Y/N’s face fell. Harry noticed and turned her to face him, squeezing her shoulders so she’d look at him. She balled her hands into fists as she felt her heart beating hard, calming down from the sudden rush of adrenaline.

“You’re okay,” he said, recognising her reaction from that first time she read to him in the grass beside the lighthouse.

Y/N nodded, meeting Harry’s eyes and telling herself it was all fine. She would be fine. Harry was here and nothing would happen to her while he was here. She continued to look at him till she was calmer, but the thought of walking down that dark alleyway now made her want to hurl. However, she didn’t have any other place to walk and she had to get back somehow. Maybe she could call Bessie and talk to her, or maybe she could find another and maybe longer route back. But then she’d be out in the open longer than she initially wanted to.

“Have you always been like that?” Harry asked, the question curious and without any hint of judgement.

“Like what?”

“Paranoid.”

Y/N smiled a little as if that would brighten the mood that had fallen considerably. Slowly, she nodded, averting her eyes from Harry’s. “I like being prepared for anything, for any possible outcome.”

Harry didn’t remove his hands from where they rested on her shoulders.

“So, I either make them up, or if something happens unexpectedly, my brain does this thing where it tells me that the worst possible thing is happening, and I need to escape.”

“What’s the worst possible thing that can happen?”

“In any scenario?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N watched as someone turned every light in their flat off, wishing she was in her bed right now. “That my Dad finds me.”

Harry stayed quiet.

“He terrifies me. Always has. I know he won’t hurt me, but… he’s a bad man, Harry. A very bad man.”

“He won’t come here, Y/N. You’re safe in St Ives.”

Some part of her laughed at that, but when she met his eyes, she knew he genuinely meant it. If Harry was there, he would not let anything happen to her. No matter what. Even if they had a disagreement the second before her Dad showed up. But her father knew where she was and if he wanted her back, he would do what he could to get her back. A lighthouse keeper wouldn’t stand in his way.

Y/N felt her bottom lip starting to wobble at the thought of it, and she put a hand in front of her mouth when the back of her eyes started to sting.

“Hey,” Harry said, squeezing her shoulders. “Let’s go back to mine, yeah? You won’t have to be alone.”

She met his eyes, blinking a few times as she processed his offer. “Yours?”

“Yeah, if you’re a bit shaken up, I thought you might… might not want to be alone.”

Without really registering what she was doing, Y/N was nodding her head to answer his question. “If you’re sure I won’t be a burden in any way-“

“-Flower, you’re never.”

She almost thought she heard him incorrectly. Flower. She had never gotten a nickname before. Her friends back home used to call her ‘babe’ and her mother would sometimes call her ‘sweetheart’ and Bessie referred to her as ‘dear’, but never this one. She suddenly felt a little lightheaded.

Harry wrapped an arm around her and held her to him as they walked through the city. He hummed to The Power of Love as they strolled, keeping the empty and quiet streets of St Ives alive as long as they were walking through them. Y/N looked about them, staring down alleyways and streets, sometimes being too afraid to even to study the shadows or look to make out silhouettes in the darkness. Harry’s humming kept her grounded and reminded her that she wasn’t alone. Once they were walking along the road up to Clodgy Point, Harry let go of her, letting her walk by herself. It was starting to get a bit chilly when the winds of the moors started up around them, so Y/N reached for Harry’s knitted jumper in her tote bag and gave it to him. He was a bit taken aback by that, seemingly having forgotten it was there, but he thanked her, the only two words being uttered at all on their 30-minute walk up to the lighthouse.

Harry unlocked the door and walked in first, turning the light on the coffee table on as Y/N locked the front door. He opened a window to let some air in, then took his jumper and shoes off. Y/N did the same, wrapping her arms around herself. She was aware it had been Harry’s idea for her to stay here, but she suddenly felt like she was intruding. This was his space and his bedtime routine. They had walked off most of their drunkenness, so when Y/N tripped over her own feet a bit, it was purely from exhaustion. Harry was almost about to reach out and catch her even though he was across the room, but his dedication to help her made her chuckle a little. Harry smiled at the sound of it.

Y/N put her tote bag on one of the chairs, putting her cardigan over the back of it as well.

“I…” Harry started, making Y/N look over at where he stood by his dresser. “I have a few shirts and stuff if you wanna freshen up some.”

Y/N chuckled. “What do you mean?”

Realising he probably didn’t make sense, Harry let a breath escape his lips as well. “I meant, if you wanna have a shower, I’ll lend you a tee shirt.”

The thought of showering in Harry’s space seemed almost a bit surreal, but for some reason, also completely normal. She spent so much time here and with him that in a way, it was weird that she hadn’t showered here before. She slowly nodded her head, and Harry opened a drawer, pulling out an old tee white shirt with a small Elton John logo on the chest.

“Towels,” Harry said, walking over to his tiny bathroom and turning the lights on for her. “They’re here, and I got everything you might need in the shower. There’s an unused toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink.”

“Thank you.”

Harry gave her a smile before closing the door. Taking a breather first, the next thing Y/N did was get undressed and take that shower. She washed away the argument with Harry and the reason why it was cut off so abruptly; tried to soak herself in everything else that happened tonight that made her entire body warm. When Harry kissed her cheek; the way his hot lips felt against her skin, how the thought of that moment alone made her feel some type of way. She knew Harry only did it so everyone would think they were a couple, but her cheek was tingling.

She got out of the shower, drying herself off, and putting Harry’s tee shirt on, her skirt under it. Yes, the two were starting to get comfortable around one another, but she wasn’t sure if they were just there yet. Last thing she wanted to do was walk out there in her knickers and one of his tee shirts, then make him uncomfortable in any way. Though she felt like a raisin since she was not doing her usual post-shower skin routine, nor any hair products for her hair, she told herself she’d do it tomorrow when she was back to the Inn.

She walked outside to see Harry laying in his bed, his small telly that was stood by his couch, turned around so he could watch a rerun of an old Would I Lie To You episode. When the bathroom door opened, he instantly looked in her direction, placing his hands on either side of his form as if he got ready to get up. Their eyes met and his eyes fell to her tee shirt, where the material hugged her waist firmly. He met her eyes again, swallowing thickly before he gestured beside him at two glasses of water.

“One by the window is yours.”

“I’m literally so thirsty, thank you.”

Harry smiled, walking past Y/N and into the bathroom, going to take his own shower. Y/N sat down in Harry’s bed, nuzzling under the covers and taking a hold of her glass. She brought it to her lips, sipping it till it was empty, watching the telly as she did. She got up for a refill, drank half, and then just continued to watch the telly for a bit. The light in the room was dim enough so she could easily fall asleep, and she almost did drift off against the headboard, but then Harry exited the bathroom and woke her up with a start.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

She smiled, sinking down into the pillow. “Almost went off to dreamland there.”

“Soz.”

“I’m a light sleeper, it’s not your fault.”

Harry nodded, walking over to turn the lights off, the only light in the entire little cottage now being the light from the telly. He strolled over to the fridge and took a cucumber out. Y/N watched him as he brought a knife out, cutting it up in half.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Just brushed my teeth.”

“So did I, but after I’ve been out, I usually eat half a cucumber before bed.”

Y/N stared at him.

“What?”

“Just… just a cucumber? Nothing else?”

“What else? Do you spice your cucumber? With what?” Harry looked at his little box of spices by his stove. “Onion granules?”

Y/N laughed, placing her hands on the duvet above her stomach.

“I actually had jalfrezi leftovers after we went to the pub a few weeks ago,” Harry said as he came over to the bed, giving Y/N half the cucumber. “So I dipped my cucumber in that and ate it.”

Y/N grimaced. “Were you still pissed?”

“No,” Harry chuckled. “I just like cucumber and Indian food.”

“Fair enough.”

Harry picked up one of his quilts and sat down in bed beside Y/N, draping it over himself so she could have the duvet for herself. He bit into his half of the cucumber, completely unfazed as his eyes fell on the telly. Y/N tried not to laugh, but he looked so incredibly cute, munching on his cucumber and smiling at something Rob Brydon said. He must’ve noticed her not eating, because he looked down at where she laid in bed, raising his eyebrows.

“You weren’t hungry?”

“It’s not that.”

“It’s honestly refreshing.” Harry took another bite. “I love it.”

That made her smile and she took a bite of her cucumber as well, Harry watching her as she chewed and then swallowed.

“Well…? Your verdict?”

“It’s just a cucumber.”

Harry rolled his eyes, making Y/N laugh again. “You’re humiliating.”

“Says the person who eats half a cucumber before bed!”

“I’m quirky!”

Laughing again, the two fell into comfortable silence as they watched the rest of the Would I Lie To You episode. Though the idea of eating half a cucumber hadn’t been very appealing to begin with, it did make her feel a bit better. She didn’t know she’d been hungry till now, the cucumber and the two glasses of water had done a well enough job to fill her stomach up before bed, so she didn’t bother asking Harry if she could make herself a toastie. Instead, Y/N found her eyes falling shut, her entire body relaxing completely. All the worry and the paranoia and the fight earlier all came together now, making her so tired she could barely stand to keep her eyes open. Her entire body ached with the effort it took to stay awake. She stayed as close to the wall as possible, where she could look out across the dimly lit lightkeeper house.

Y/N felt the move as Harry reached out to the windowsill. He sat back, screwing the lid open, revealing a balm of some sort. He rubbed his middle finger in it, slowly sliding it along the thick balm till his finger was wet with it. Y/N bit her bottom lip. For some reason, she thought he was going to smear it across his own lips, some sort of cream to help keep his lips moisturised. No, instead Harry dragged his finger under his eyes. Not directly under his eyes, but along his cheekbones, slowly and gently.

“What’s that?” Y/N asked through a yawn.

Harry looked away from the telly and at her. “Face cream.”

“You put it on before bed?”

“It helps me sleep, it’s made of lavender and apricot. Both are supposed to help you fall into a deep sleep.”

“Can I try?”

“Yeah.” Harry handed it over, leaning his head back against the headboard, watching Y/N as she smelled it.

“Lush.”

“It is.”

Y/N rubbed her finger in it, putting it along under her eye. She was aware Harry was keeping an eye on her, but she pretended to find the programme incredibly interesting right then. She heard a slight chuckle.

“Not directly under your eyes,” Harry said. “Not there.” He leaned over, taking a delicate grip of her wrist and moving her hand down. “Here.” His hand moved upward to cup hers, his little finger, ring finger, and middle finger hooking themselves tenderly between her thumb and index. His index rested on top of hers as he guided her hand slowly and gently, tipping his head to the side to rest against the headboard while he concentrated. She didn’t dare look away from the telly, too overwhelmed to do anything but let him help her.

“Then the other eye,” he mumbled, telling her what was going to happen next. Because without warning, he dipped his finger in the balm Y/N was holding, swirling his finger slowly around till it was moist. When he did that, she simply could not help herself, and her eyes fell to look at his hand, taken aback by what was happening. However, she didn’t move or tell him to stop when Harry brought his hand up, sliding it over her cheekbone. Soft, slow, graceful. A prickling hot sensation followed where he touched, slowly spreading through her entire body. She looked away from the balm and at Harry, the second she did, he glanced back at her. A slight breath left her lips, Harry’s eyes falling to them. She sat up, finding the lid and placing it back on the balm. She handed it back to Harry.

Harry took it, placing it back in the windowsill before he got up from bed. Y/N lay back down, quickly checking the pulse on her neck because she knew her heart was beating hard. If it beat hard enough, would it somehow make the bed creak? Was it possible her heartbeat made her entire body shake like that? Just in case, Y/N switched so she was laying on her side. She watched as Harry turned the telly off, the room falling into complete darkness. Y/N closed her eyes, realising for the first time in a minute or two how sleepy she actually was.

It took a second or two before she felt the bed move and creak as he sat down. He shuffled till he was comfortable laying on his side facing her. Only reason she knew that was because she heard his content sigh and felt his breath on her face. It had been quiet for a minute or so before Harry whispered her name.

“Hm?” she asked, opening her eyes slightly. She could not make out much, but she thought she might’ve seen him looking at her. That might also just be her imagination playing tricks on her.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he said, his voice a whisper.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“I know you’re just looking out for me and I’m sorry if it was embarrassing for you when I did that.”

“I’m sorry I criticised her for leaving you when it was bad for her mental health, I just know that it can’t have been easy to have been in your shoes just then, so that break up can’t have been easy to deal with on top of everything else.”

Silence stretched on for a few seconds. “It wasn’t. But I don’t blame her for leaving if that was what was best for her.”

Y/N closed her eyes again. “Okay.”

She felt the bed move again as Harry found a new position that was more comfortable. The pillow she rested her head on moved a bit, she reckoned he slung his arm over the top of her head.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Harry said, voice slurring now as well.

“Night.”

“My alarm will go off at 3am, by the way.”

She smiled. “I know.”

She heard him let out a slight breath, sounding like a small chuckle, and the next thing she knew, she was having the slumber of her life.

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[thehltwoghosts]

Enigmatic Symbolism Of Ocean/Ship/Star

Ocean = A lifetime

We sailed the ocean and drowned in the waves.

Waves try to break it, I’d do anything to save it.

Waves = Management / Difficulties 

My hands, your hands tied up like two ships.

I want to build you a boat, one that’s strong as you are free.

Ship = Soul

I think I’m gonna win this time riding on the wind and I won’t give up. I roll and I roll, ‘til I change my luck.

Wind = A reminder of memories that holding you together and moved you forward

Whistles = Voices of memories 

You’ve got stars, they’re in your eyes

Star = A guidance coming from your lover’s eyes

Interpretation:

Louis and Harry made a lot of references about ocean/waves/stars. Not just with the lyrics but with their tattoos. They tried to show their life by choosing sea life as their representation. Harry has got a star (under it “won’t stop ‘till we surrender…”), swallow, ship, anchor; Louis has got a compass and a rope tattoo. Shall we interpret the lyrics while holding the tattoos in our minds and witness their life from a different perspective? We shall…

For set the scene; Imagine a ship in the middle of the ocean, alone. There’s no guidance to show him where it goes, there’s no company to accompany it. There’s no hope for survival. Every second it stays here, it sinks deeper due to waves keep increasing around. Wind doesn’t stop by and whistles. The sky is dark, clarified from stars. There’s nothing which ship has to move forward or to support itself.

But then someday the ship finds himself a company, a matching soul. 

“There’s a lightning in your eyes I can’t deny then there’s me inside a sinking boat, running out of time, without you I’ll never make it out alive but I know, yes I know we’ll be alright.”

He, himself, is a sinking boat but at the last minute, he confronts light that makes him a believer of the sanguine future. But, where does this light come from? Who lights the sky?

Yes, stars. Light comes from stars and lights the sky. If the sky falls down, where will stars go? 

“The sky fell down but you’ve got stars, they’re in your eyes.”

“For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart.”

In real life, stars don’t hang up in the sky at least the ones which enlighten your darkness. They are buried in the souls. Like they say “The eyes are the windows of the soul.” They are the guardians of a gate before the light, to every visitor who seeks to see through, they show their deepest parts. If eyes come across a person who carries a part of their soul within themselves, the gate opens up and sets his light free. 

“When you’re lost, I’ll find the way. I’ll be your light.”

The ship was lost, then someday another ship came along and things changed. Now the ship has a company, so the hope follows after. What about the guidance?  

The guidance is them. Neither of them knows where to go, however, they have an idea about where to belong or who to belong. They are each other’s light. If one of them is lost, the other one will find the way and be the other’s light. So, where does light bring you?

“You’re the shining distraction that makes me fly home.”

“All my life I’ve been on my own, I use a light to guide me home.”

Home.

To sum it up: One soul (ship) was lost. He was trying to survive from obstacles of life (waves) but he was alone in his misery. Then someday another soul came along. They have been found in each other. The memories they made together kept them alive and moved them forward. When obstacles tried to sink them deeper, they held on each other. Shore couldn’t be seen from where they stood, but they were each other’s ground already. Darkness filled up the sky, but the light was awaiting in the eyes of themselves to shine through the dark. Their light brings them a home that’s found within each other.

-

Harry’s using the water since HS1 era but with Fine Line, he was finally able to show his story through it. 

‟The Boy tried to ignore the fish but he was not alone in his melancholy. Loneliness is an ocean full of travelers trying to find their place in the world. But without friendship we are all lost & left with no hope, no home, no harbor.”

Sounds like a story I just told…

When he finally found the fish in the ocean that represents loneliness, he was no longer lonely nor lost. He found hope, a harbor, a home… 

But a complication showed itself:

Two ships (souls) were traveling in the ocean (a lifetime) then stopped on one shore (1D). They weren’t welcomed here. People frowned upon them, they were executed from society ‘cause in the society grown used to how the things were, no one knew what to do with something… different.   

With time they’ve spent on the shore, they changed people’s opinions. Their light became an inspiration for others who caught it. However, one day they had to leave from the shore because some people still couldn’t accept them for who they are. One of the ships (the fish) sailed before the other one’s. Why? To confront the difficulties before them reach to other ship (the boy). 

When the fish was gone, the boy left as well. He was able to sail on the surface ‘cause he has the control of the ship. The memories of the fish hold him together and the memories of the past moved him forward (wind/the bottles that the boy has filled). 

Now they’re both traveling; The boy’s on the surface of the sea, open. He can be seen by anyone. The fish’s underneath the waves, fighting with them. He can’t be seen by anyone but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who recognize what he’s doing, how hard he tries to survive from the waves.   

Also don’t forget this:

‟Maybe you’ll be invited to a wedding between two neighbors whom it took an ocean to bring together.”

-

Let’s continue with some recent lyrics;

“Hold it, focus, hoping. Take me back to the light. I know you were way too bright for me. I’m hopeless, broken so you wait for me in the sky.”

“Take me back to the light.” according to how I interpreted before, I think it means “Take me back to you.” The brightness comes with the symbolism of stars and they used stars as metaphor of the person they love. 

“If the truth tell, darling, you fell like there ain’t enough dying stars in your sky.”

Every star has their own glitter like every person has their own painting. Each color completes in different arts and each glitter shines over different lives. Every person has a star, themselves. 

And this lyric…  

Think about all the members of lgbt community. Paint them in your mind as beautiful shining stars. Colorful, glamorous, illuminative. But with each shadow’s been thrown on them, their brightness has faded away. Through the years they turned from “shining stars” to “dying stars”. 

“If the truth tell” If the real difficulties lgbt people have, is told to everyone…  “darling, you fell like there ain’t enough stars in your sky” like how they’ve suffered, how they’ve faded away… “It’s a tall tale…“ It becomes a tall tale to tell… “It’s only hello, hello, no goodbye.” and this tale only has a beginning but no end..

However let’s not forget:

“The darker it gets the brighter the stars become.”

-

That’s how I interpreted the sea/star symbolism. If we place the tattoos;

Harry’s:

Star with “won’t stop ‘till we surrender…” 

Swallows

Ship 

Anchor

Louis’:

Compass

Rope

There’s a ship (soul) who’s traveling, then there’s his compass so as not to get lost while braving the unpredictable ocean (life). Ship has an anchor that embodies the concept of stability, then there’s a rope to stabilize. (A person who has firm support, can overcome any tests sent to him by fate.)

There’s a star for him to carry a part of the guidance with himself. Wherever the ship goes, the star (lover/lover’s eyes) will always be his way back home. Also star’s the symbol of following your dreams, independence and finding one’s own way in life. “won’t stop ‘till we surrender…” tattoo is a dream he wants it to happen, his own way in life that’s ended with independence. 

There are two swallows; one for himself, one for his lover. They are used as the symbol to represent a sailing experience (lifetime). They are the symbol of love and travel and it was believed that after the death of the sailor, the swallows would carry their soul to heaven. They’re the reminders of a lifetime experience you spent/spend/will spend with your lover. Symbols of love, situated on the chest, the closest place to a heart. For one day when their time on the earth comes to an end, the swallows will be recognized by the heart. They will always belong to one another like their souls will and when the time comes heaven will be their to share.  

Louis’ tattoos are the hands on the back of Harry’s tattoos, guiding them, reassuring them, protecting them. And Harry’s are the reminders, dreams and hopes he hoped to see with Louis. They’re both carrying a story on their skin and this story has a meaning if you see the two sides. 

“Remember, there are always two sides to every story. Understanding is a three edged sword. Your side, their side and the truth in the middle.”

The End.

[bisluthq]

About gryles. I think you haven't seen Harry with his suoer het friends Xander and Jeff. He not only sleeps over, he shares clothes hungs out with them all the time.. Etc. And if you think girmes was a fwb how come he was ebsties with Harry's mum? He vrought strippers to his bday and would literally tease harry about girls on main. More importantly your klue Than nick said he liked harry, is literally the opposite of the "closetting" that was supposedly going on with harry at that time. Nick, lile his bestie wouldn't do that.

Plzzz Harry wasn’t ever “closeting” or “forced to closet” lmfao. Let’s not get into conspiracy talk. He - like most people - was a kid figuring out his sexuality. This is a person who was like “don’t knock it till you try it” about gay sex and said “not that important” about the gender of a potential partner when still in 1D and essentially a kid. Like I’m sorry but if you think “don’t knock it till you try it” was a homophobic joke then I think you need to join the “Harry is profiting off gay culture” crew. Or we can just be like “this dude’s not Kinsey 0” which would then imply he’s most likely hooked up with some dudes yk like it wouldn’t make him NOT queer if he had only had thoughts but that one statement ALONE is enough to think he has had experiences that make him… not want to label himself.

Also are you… saying Anne is homophobic? Like is that your point? Harry can’t have fooled about with Grimmy and introduced him to his mum because Anne is a homophobe? But there’s literally NOTHING to suggest this like she’s never been anything other than extremely supportive of Harry and all his choices?? Why on earth would she have a problem with him hooking up with his friend?

Finally the stuff you discuss literally pings like queer dudes fooling around non monogamously. The strippers, the jokes, all of it. No one is saying this was a monogamous sekrit husbands situation but ffs it really does seem like they were hooking up and idk how without being Harry or Nick, you’d know they weren’t.

Again, there actually… are a lot of rumors they were hooking up from people in the UK music/radio scene. I’ve never heard that they were monogamous boyfriends 🥺🥺 torn apart by homophobia, I’ve never heard someone that they weren’t genuinely friends, nor that they ended badly… just that they were two dudes hooking up and then they weren’t hooking up anymore and stayed good mates which is pretty fucking common in those types of setups yk like they had fun and then stopped certain activities but stayed mates. I think it’s insane to think anything romantic between them was going on after like 2013 - that’s being generous - at the latest. Like they settled into a friendship and both went on to date other people and that shit happens in life yk like you figure out some people are better fits as friends than anything else.

The aversion Harries have to this comes off as homophobic at worst or like trauma from Larrydom at best. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t, a lot of people think they did, and if they didn’t like lmao who fucking cares? It was years ago and they’re still good with one another so it doesn’t fucking matter?

But like it’s literally impossible to “debunk” a rumor like “I heard these people were fwb for a bit” unless you’re one of them or you personally dressed one of them in a chastity belt that only you had the key to.

[fallingsunflower]

So, I guess here comes the Camille ☕️ (if you wanna call it that)

Sorry in advance this gonna be a fucking long one.

If you have any questions just ask.

I honestly don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned that my brain still remembers so much details about this shitshow. But I guess their plan did work in the end.

So you asked about Camille. I honestly don’t even know where to start with that one. I don’t know for how long you’ve been a fan of Harry and how intensively you stan him, but this one send my bullshit detector right off in the same way that Holivia does.

Can’t really explain it but I just smell if something isn’t right. It’s not only that way with Harry but in general. I just KNOW if something doesn’t add up.

The reason hamille wasn’t overdone and ppl believe it was bc it was marketed to be real. It wasn’t for promo in the sense Holivia is or to be shoved in ppls faces. The point was to have a relationship to fall back on when his album came out to be the “long term relationship” described in the songs. To have a certain narrative if you want to call it that.

They only were papped 2 (+the time at the Classic East concert.) They went to really popular places where you only go to when you want to get papped.

Other than that they only posted „sneaky fanpics“ which was on purpose to make them look „private“ but they were anything but that.

I actually had saved so much stuff as proof till recently when I deleted it all bc it honestly has been 3 years and I didn’t think I needed it anymore to help me explain lol. And please don’t make the mistake of looking up Hamille timelines, bc they’re all created by shipper afterwards so 95% of the shit is wrong, in the wrong order or they added the wrong pics to certain events. (If you want to look for pics, specific dates and stuff look them up individually and NOT through shipper pages or similar shit.)

Alright, back to explaining why it was so obvious. Disclaimer: I‘m just gonna point out the most obvious things but there is way more.

Harry started following Camille back in June 2016. They have several mutual friends (Waseem, Alexa Chung, Matt Hitt etc) so I assume they‘ve met before. She didn’t follow back though till shortly before the „relationship“ started. So after Harry followed her in 2016 she started to tag him in posts of her and her friends ass and did that video moaning his name while grabbing her boobs (classy 🤢). Shortly afterwards Harry unfollowed for a while and started follow her again before the mess began.

Fast forward to 2017. After doing „Dunkirk“ and about to bring his debut album out they started the first attempt at what I call a failed narrative with Tess. Not gonna go over that again bc one anon pointed out right how fake it was. They got rid of her rather quickly after she posted several times from his house which wasn’t the „private way“ they intended it to go.

So they were looking for someone to replace her. Cue Camille entering the scene.

Perfect person for the narrative as she’s half french (goes well with Dunkirk promo), is a VS model, have mutual friends and she has several ex bf who have written songs/albums about her. She’s the picture perfect muse for his second album.

Please let’s first talk about chemistry and body language bc I can’t even say how awkward they always were around each other. First the two pap pics from the sushi place and in front of the gym/ yoga place: both times both had closed off body language either crossed arms, Harry walking 3 steps ahead, faces didn’t look pleased at all and rather irritated or as of they just had a fight/ were in the middle of a fight (especially the pic from in front of the yoga place). No touching or anything involved in any pap pics. If you didn’t knew they were supposedly „dating“ you wouldn’t see it.

Let’s get to their behavior at the „sightings“: they weren’t seen much together outside of touring. But when they were seen we got pics in like 95% of the cases and people meeting them always said they didn’t seem like a couple (apart from shippers who made up shit about them all the time).

Even in every „sneaky pic“ there was as much chemistry as in Holivia -> none!

We got a few pics or even videos were you could see them backstage or besides the stage (e.g. 2017 Toronto show: while Muna is on stage Harry and Camille stand awkwardly 3 feet apart from each other, both closed off body language, not interacting with each other. You’d think as they were still in their honeymoon phase at that time and in private, seemingly not knowing that anyone could see them that they acted more coupley or at least would not stand there like 🧍🏻 🧍🏻. (Have you seen him interact with Xander while watching 1D’s opening act? Total opposite to Hamilel and they were „just friends“. Also in other pics Harry would rather cling to her bag / coat etc that he was holding so he didn’t had to touch her or anything. I think the only time we saw them „touch“ was that Classic east concert („relationship debut“) when he awkwardly held her shoulders and she was swaying weirdly. She even tried to touch him or get him to sway with her but he shot that down immediately 🤣. I could go on for longer but you get what I mean...

The next weird thing is, that she was down in literally the pit or sitting with „regular fans“ 97% of the time. Without Harry’s bodyguard around. Sometimes Jeff was with her but mostly she stood there alone. Everyone knew that she wasn’t really popular and liked around fans, so why would you put your gf in the pit with all the crazys or why would you as a gf want to be in the crowd at most shows when you could watch from the side of the stage or backstage? Also the fact that we always knew when she was at a show because she was always „spotted“ even the few times she was indeed staying at the side of the stage, she didn’t stay hidden. Sometimes we even joked about how she wanted to be part of the band or something by how close she stood there in the open. But whenever Anne for example was on tour or close friends of his or whatever they always had someone walking with them for protection and Anne never was like „in the pit“ like Camille. She never followed any of Harry‘s close private friends or family. Only people who she could gain something from. Like Lambert, Jeff, Teasedale, the Crawford’s etc. And she was never at any of the London or Manchester shows where basically all of his friends and family were. Even though she would have had definitely time bc she posted herself and friends doing nothing or trolling in LA all the time in that time. When she was at that show in Paris in 2018, she brought her friend who lives in Paris and her cousin I think. We got backstage pics of them all and Harry and Camille staying as far away from each other in that pic as possible. She was seen leaving as well after that show with her friends out through the main entrance. This was also the show Anne was at and an awkward hugging video of them both came out. Tbh it’s not clear where Camille and co were sitting bc they moved around the arena the whole night. At one point you can see Anne and Camille standing next to each other and all of a sudden Camille was „hugging“ Anne but Anne was so surprised that she was just standing there like 🧍🏼‍♀️ and waited till it was over (that „hug“ looked more like as if Camille tried to tackle Anne 😂). Also serious question and not to make it sound weird, but it deadass looked in that video as if Camille just waited for a sign to go for that hug and that it was being recorded. Because the way the camera was pointing at them all of a sudden and they were just lucky enough to catch that on camera? Yeah sure...

Not to forget, she didn’t seem to have a lanyard like for example Anne had, so everyone would knew that she could move around the arena and crew as she wanted which is fucking weird not to have as a girlfriend especially if you’re apparently on tour for many dates. This also mean she couldn’t join them when she wanted but had to contact Jeff or Harry before so they could give her a lanyards for that specific date or a sticker with AAA. Sometimes she wore a lanyard but that was literally the VIP lanyard that you got when you bought a VIP ticket like any other fan. Didn’t mean she could move freely around the venue. Even weirder is that she put that AAA sticker on the back of her phone after she left tour 2018 and placed it obviously in lots of her insta stories and posts on insta (one where you can see that sticker is still up). Fan behavior not that of a real girlfriend!

Camilles mum followed Hamille shipper accounts at one point and liked a post of them. After that shippers were unbearable. Which mum follows a shipper account on insta? 😬

What I also find weird is that she was barely working and when she did she posted only like 2 about it. I mean it’s part of her job to post stuff like that?! But she went radio silent more often then not to let fans guess if she was with him or if she would turn up somewhere.

Her friends who are all are well in their 30s or older made often „jokes“ about Harry or implied stuff about him or 1D and posted this on their stories and she was laughing with them most of the time... what a girlfriend huh...

Another thing is, she was never at his house in London. Because she was never at any of the UK dates besides that one gig he did for X -factor. They were not much in London at the same time. And when she was alone in London or with her friend, they literally stayed at an AirBnB or a hotel. So I ask you, why would she as his gf of a few months not stay at his place while she’s in the UK? Or that one time when she was in the UK making it look like she was waiting for him coming back from tour in Asia and he stayed extra long there (a week or two) even after tour in Asia finished and she was in London. But he went rather out partying in London. I don’t blame him.

When she was at his show in Milan (2017) she met a „fan“ and they took a selfie in the restroom (classy 🥴🤐) during the concert. Idk but this is one thing which is really questionable bc people were speculating she was at this show but we hadn’t gotten pics yet. So that she then took a pic with a „fan“ coincidentally seems really fishy to me. Also that said „regular fan“ had allegedly floor tickets as you could see in the videos and pics she posted in the beginning of the concert. But after the pic with Camille she all of sudden appeared on the balcony as well, close to where Camille and more VIP guests were. So how did she end up there if she didn’t have connections or was told to take a pic with her so then being on the balcony was her „reward“? To add this woman was close to Camilles age so this scenario makes just less and less sense the longer you think about it.

In May she was still on tour with her then bf in Tokio. In July just two weeks before they were seen together for the first time that awkward Grimmy interview happened. Where he specifically asked about her. And Harry said he „ didn’t know her“. Fucking weird to bring up such a private topic on radio and then be seen not even 2 weeks later. (Not gonna argue on that one, it’s the same like the wedding weekend pap walk just more subtle).

Then there were so many pics of him backstage at that concert, pics with fans, official pics, „sneaky fan sightings“ in the audience... He looked rather uncomfortable holding her shoulders while she was dancing. We know Harry goes often to concerts but when did we ever get so many pics from one? Mostly it’s a blurry pic of him or one backstage pic with the artist, not like the ones we got and certainly not that many. Plus we got an relationship article the day after.

Funny is also how he was on vacation in Muskoka with the Gerbers and Anne at the end of July 2017 shortly before the first spotting of Hamille and Camille no where to be seen.

Now I‘m gonna point out inconsistencies and such might be in chronological order, might be not.

I think the next time we saw them was a „sneaky fan pic“ (just the two of them) without a source from Beverly Hills hotel at lunch. Her friend Lauren posted a instastory being at that hotel right then and there and deleted the story like 5 minutes afterwards. She wasn’t in the pic of the „fan“ so my bet is she was the one taking the pic.

Coming to the stunt props. The „ring“ he was suddenly wearing on his pinky was from Camille. She only wore it once for a photoshoot in 2013 and then all of a sudden she wore it in every story she posted for the next 2 weeks right BEFORE he was wearing it and literally made such a show out of showing that ring that it was so cringey to watch at.

Not to forget his Pink Floyd shirt that was featured in his Rolling Stones mag interview that she not only wore but posted a few instastorys with showing it up close so every Harry fan could identify it from the distinctive holes in it.

Funny was the times she wore „his necklace“ and again posted several stories wearing it and even went to an event with it that Kendall wore before. After people pointed the connection to Kendall out, she never wore it again 😂😂 Harry being papped leaving a gym while wearing Camilles ex shirt was peak comedy.

Camille making a post saying „goodbye“ to her friend Lauren before Christmas in a really distinctive fur coat. Then New Years dinner pics with Jeff, Camille and co came out. Harry looking bored as always around her. Then the weirdest thing: he took fan pics while holding Camilles distinctive fur coat in his hands in every fucking pic. And it wasn’t that cold to wear a fur coat! Why couldn’t she hold it herself while he took the pics or Jeff or put it on the chair beside him? That wasn’t really slick of them.

Then Camille having a girls trip to Corsica and literally posting so fucking often being girls only in cars an what not. Harry was in London out with Mitch and was also seen on other occasions so I assume he went to Corsica for maybe 2 days max to get pics in. (Her cousin/ goddaughter of her mum posted a pic with Harry in Corsica in 2018 from that time). Mind you they could have just „dating“ for maybe 5 week’s max at that time bc they were never at the same place at the same time before maybe late June, and that’s when Robin died and he was home so I doubt that’s when they met. I assume 1.st proper meeting was in early July or after the Grimmy interview.

Harry filmed the Manchester special for his album in Manchester literally right before he went to HC with Camille. Yet Grimmy, one of his best friends at least at that time, never followed her or hung out together.

The next thing is her being in Holmes Chapel. She hinted at it on insta, like she did EVERY time she would be around Harry. Also appearing in every pic of him in the background when she was around. Even posted a story of random people with Harry’s voice in the background. That’s also a point why it was so obviously fake.

She posted in a train and captioned it with something like „England ❤️“ and then a cow (similar to Olivia with the hedgehog and caption) and then appeared in every pic we got of him that weekend.

She turned up to several of his shows, yet NEVER to his hometown shows (neither London or Manchester) where all his family and friends were at. She also only followed people beneficial to her career like Lambert, Jeff and co but never anyone of his real friends or family even though Gemma followed her after Christmas 2017 (which was taken as the „proof“ that they spend Christmas in HC🤦🏻‍♀️ and we got this photoshopped pic of Hamille which turned out was an old pic of originally Harry and Gemma. Glenne also never followed her and Camille was also never seen with Glenne it was only ever Jeff around and people noticed that (probably why we got now the joyride etc including Glenne).

Ok so what do we have next? The charity gig where his mum celebrated her 50th bday with everyone wearing a yellow flower crown. Everyone besides Camille. She wasn’t invited and just was brought to them while Harry was already singing a song, Gemma looking annoyed in the video her friend posted. Before Harry’s set was over someone came and took Camille with them again while Anne, Gemma and co stayed in the crowd. So why was she even going to them and didn’t stay backstage if she clearly wasn’t invited to celebrate with Anne and co and left before Harry even finished his set. We got also pics of a bday dinner with Anne, Harry, Gemma and all the friends from the concert but without Camille. This was also the gig where he was groped on stage.

After that charity gig in late October Harry went to tour in Europe. He stopped wearing the ring and seemed happier than before somehow. I went to the Cologne show and let me tell you, it was fucking nuts! His energy and the way he was smirking all the time not to forget Kiwi twice.

You’d think Camille would have been quiet now on sm that Harry wasn’t around, but it was exactly the opposite! It was like as if she had to remind everyone that that „relationship“ was still „on“ after he ditched that ring bc she was literally unbearable on insta. We got her and friends singing SOTT on karaoke (while she was wearing the Kendall necklace like mentioned previously), then she did a whole photoshoot (sorry but that’s just what it was) with her friends Djuna + Nik whit a very distinctive blue totebag Harry was carrying around just a week or two before while meeting fans in LA and she did the same thing like she did with the ring and posed with that bag in every angle. As if all that wasn’t enough in the space of 3 days she then celebrated Halloween with her friends and 2 or 3 of them wore costumes that reminded of 1D and Harry. All this happened between his cologne show and Halloween. Trolling at its best.

Then Camille decided to turn up to tour in Europe but she didn’t choose days when he actually had time off (even though she evidently didn’t do anything in LA besides trolling the last few days) so she decided to pop up when Harry had shows back to back and needed to travel to them as they were all over Europe. He had two more Berlin 7.11. and an event in London on the 6th) before she turned up on 8.11. in Amsterdam where she met Ella his cousin who followed Camille then (but Camille never followed back), 9.11. Italy x-factor, 10.11. Milan , 11.11. London X-Factor). He clearly didn’t have any time then which gets even more ridiculous if you know that she was back in LA by Monday the 13th the latest bc a photographer „exposed“ her being on set early that day. So why did she even bother turning up to tour that time when she could have done earlier and be at his homeshows?

Another thing is, when Harry went to NYC at the end of January 2018 to perform with Fleetwood Mac he didn’t take her instead he took Jeff and Xander was there as well. But no Camille. Right before was one of the rare times they got papped. Harry as always looking irritated around her. And them looking as if the soccer mom collected her son from practice😂

On his b-day her friend Lauren posted Camille chilling at their home reading and hanging out with her. Harry was officially MIA but a good friend of mine actually saw him while walking her dog the next day in Hampstead rather covered up with another guy (assuming his trainer or PA) trying not to be seen. She is not a huge fan of Harry and only knows him bc I‘ m a fan but she texted me right away saying something was weird about how he was trying to not be seen.

And on cue allegedly someone (real estate Agent from London) said he was on her flight to London over a week later (even though I knew he was already there for a while).

So the last time they were actually seen together was the day they were papped (I think that was even the day of the Grammys).

Then the thing about her quitting smoking bc she was „ dating“ Harry 🤣🤣. The way she even lied about that. She posted a video and made a few instastorys throughout that year to say how long she didn’t smoke at that time „bla, bla, bla“ and Harries ate that shit up. She was caught so many times lying in regards to that. Her friends and co were the ones to always expose her accidentally. She appeared in so many stories in her friends stories were she smoked a cigarette and not „just“ a juul like she always liked to pretend (not that a juul would be any better lol). Harry probably didn’t like it when he had to be around her for longer periods of time and she would smoke around him or smell of smoke so she had to pretend she cared for his sake and quit publicly. To say is also that she publicly started smoking again after she came back from tour end of March/beginning of April 2018.

Now speaking of the big tour in 2018. Camille seemed to had joined tour again at some point. She was at the Paris show like mentioned earlier but then only joined tour 2 dates or something later in. Someone „exposed“ her of staying with friends in each city she went on tour with at that time instead of staying with him. I think he also got fed up with her bc Harry & band + some of the crew went to museums in each city. But of course Camille had to post something every time they were at a museum and so it didn’t take long till fans caught on and turned up en masse in these museums so he couldn’t go there anymore. I would have been pissed too if I were him. And girls who’s dad is the director of one of the museums did meet Harry at the museum and he invited them to the show and backstage. These girls said Harry and Camille didn’t look or behave like a couple at the museum, he was mostly around the band and she on her own. And backstage the same thing. She was kinda just there and nothing more. Not long after that she left tour and only turned up at the Ireland show and then later the NYC and LA one.

Speaking of the Ireland show, that must have been the most awkward thing ever. I saw a few videos from people who did constantly film the side of the stage and she is staying alone there with the sound guys while Mabel was performing and Harry was standing backstage with Jeff and the band, watching Mabel and preparing for their prank they did on Mabel.

Twice Harry is walking past Camille and didn’t even acknowledge her. She was once again just standing there. You could almost feel bad for her, but only almost. Then he went to prank Mabel on stage with the rest of the band and was so affectionate with Mabel something you never saw him be with Camille.

After that show the trolling did turn down a bit for a while but like 2 days before the concert she posted a Mick Jagger pic and everyone knew she would turn up in NYC. And she proved us right bc she posted about being on a plane the minute she stepped foot in said plane 🤦🏻‍♀️. At the show itself she was in the crowd/pit with with Xander, Waseem, Matt Hitt & Jeff but Jeff had to fetch her again a lanyard at first for that day bc she still hadn’t one although allegedly „dating“ him for nearly a year at that time. You’d think she had one for the whole tour but nope. And after the concert Harry was once again out with friends while she stayed with another friend in NYC. Between the NYC and LA show she was seen being cosy with Alexander Skarsgard and then her now bf Theo Niarchos. To the LA show she turned up with Djuna, Nik and another friend. All of them sat up pretty high in the nosebleeds while Kendall and co where in the family and friends lounge right above pit. And Camille and co left a little earlier before the show finished and left through the front entrance. Suspicious is also that the „break up“ was announced like exactly on the year mark of the start their „relationship“. Sorry that I wrote so much. And I probably still missed a lot but I hope it’s gotten clear what I mean.

I'm still reading this through but wanted to post for those asking about it!!

Thank you!

[simply-sams-things]

Helloooo Hope you’re having an amazing day i loved shower with luke and since i saw you were accepting requests i was wondering if you could do one with 1D where the reader is one of them’s sister and she’s secretly dating one of them and her brother doesn’t know but he finds out and goes over protective of the reader. i’m really sorry if it’s too complicated. p.s. if there’s something you want to talk about i’m always there. have a great day.

Tag list:

@impossibleapricotlampbat

Umm hello YES i would love to do this my best friend and i were talking about this the other day and we just DIED becuase of it so im going to do it with liam and harry if thats alright with you and also im always open to talk :) I also just had coffee adn its 2pm were i live so im  pumped - Sammy

masterlist

Overprotective much?

Okay so maybe dating your brothers band mate wasn’t a great idea but you see at the time it was and you both wanted to keep it on the down low anyways because of his whole being famous thing.

You and liam had been dating for a year today, which has been an amazing year and you both are surprised on how well it had been kept a secret from everyone else, that is until about 30 minutes ago.

Since it’s your one year you both decided to order take out and stay inside your apartment for the weekend with no interuptions. You told your family that you were having a girls weekend with your best friend and liam told the guys and he was with his sister Ruth and her family for the weekend. It was all going well until your idiotic brother decided to crash “girls weekend”. Around 10 there was a knock at the door and thinking it was your best friend who said she was coming over to grab her stuff from a few days before you and Liam both walked to the door not expecting it to be your brother.

“Hey- OH MY GOD YOUR NOT Y/BF/N” You shouted

“Liam what are you doing over here at Y/N’s without a shirt. Wait. WHERE IS YOUR SHIRT”  Harry said as he stormed into your apartment. He started yelling at you both about how wrong it was to be together especially behind his back.

“You told me you were having a girls weekend and last time I checked Liam wasn’t a girl so tell me how long have you been trying to get in my sisters pants Liam!? Ever since we got together as a band because I swear to g-”

“HARRY” You shouted to shut him up. Harry was mad and it was understandable, but he was about to wake the whole complex up and you weren’t ready for another noise complaint just yet. “Liam can you go put your shirt on while I talk to him please?” you asked looking at your boyfriend who nodded and left giving you one last glance but didn’t bother to look at Harry who had been glaring at him since he walked into the apartment.

You looked at harry and gestered him to sit down on the couch and he di looking up at you. “Liam and I have been dating for a year Harry today is our anniversery thats why we told everyone we were doing something else so nobody could bother us.” he tried to cut you off. “But why-” 

“Harry don’t, let me finish, we wanted to tell our families at first but when we started to date we wanted to see where it would go becuase you guys were still on tour, and then tour ended and we got so used to being in secret that we decided that we would wait till after today.” You sat down next to him.”We wanted to tell you, mum and Gemma first next weekend and then Karen, Geoff, Ruth ,and Nicola after you guys and then the rest of the boys we were going to tell after them. Thats why this weekend was to ourselves so we can discuss how we were going to tell you all and also celebrate our 1 year. And i understand why you’re mad at him for dating me but Har, I’ve never been more happy with someone he makes me so happy and I really love him H. I haven’t been this happy in a long time and you know that. We saved each other in some type of way

“Just please don’t be mad at him, if you want to be mad at anyone let it be me I was the one who said yes to our first date a year and a half ago. He was so nervous Harry because he didn’t want you to be mad at him. So please don’t be mad at him.” You finished and began to nervously play with your hands while waiting for your brothers answer. 

“I’m not mad at you guys dating I’m upset because for over a year my baby sister has been happy and I couldn’t see that she that it was because of one of my bestfriends, and now that i think about it you guys make it really obvious, but if he makes you happy then i guess im alright with it also Liam you standing there behind us is really creepy mate” he said.

“Sorry” Liam said and sat down next to you and grabed your hand “but are you honestly fine with it Harry I mean I understand that because I’m your band mate but i really love her and I don’t wanna lose her” he was staring at you when he said the last part and yoy started to get teary eyed.

“Liam I’d rather have you date her than anyone else because i trust you” Harry explained “But that doesn’t mean I wont beat you up if you break her heart” He then got up and motioned for you guys to do the same and then procedded to pull you both into a hug.

“I could never break her heart H she means to much to me, if i did i would beat myself up for you”.

“Stop it you two before I cry even more” you chimed in giving out a watery laugh.

Harry let you go and headed to the front door, you and liam following along. “I guess i should say I’m sorry for sort of ruining your anniversery”

“I mean you sort of did but we forgive you besides its an all weekend thing for us, and Harry I swear if you tell anyone else before we get too I will murder you myself and blame Louis” you told him opening the door.

“Okay first off didn’t need to know what you guys are doing this weekend and second of all I won’t buggy, I trust you guys will when you are ready, Oh and also does Y/BF/N know? Because I really can’t have them winning-”

“Seem’s you’re already losing Harold”  Y/BF/N said giving him a smirk. “I’ll get my sytuff some other time Y/N it’s not really important. Come on Harry lets leave the gross in love people alone” They said grabing his hand and walking away with Harry shouting

“HAPPY ANNIVERSERY YOU GUYS LOVE YOU BOTH AND hey will you let go of my hand- BYYEEEEE” you closed the door and laughed alongside Liam.

“You do know that if he told us to stop I wouldn’t have never let that happen right?” Liam asked after the laughing fit calmed down, you turned to him and went on your tippy toes and gave him a kiss.

“I know which is why everytime I say I love you I truly mean it bubs”

“I love you too my love” he leaned down again and kissed you and then he playfully grabbed your butt and you shreiked into the kiss and he started to laugh your favorite laugh.

////

I hope you like this i honestly had so much fun writing this ! - Sammy

also i didn’t read through it so there probably is a lot of spelling mistakes oops

[justalarryblog]

💮hop hop hop by orphan_account (3k) | Explicit

Suddenly, Harry’s slipping down his jeans, and Louis gasps as he’s met with a very unexpected but delicious sight. A mass of fur nestles between Harry’s cheeks, matching with the pink of the inner part of his bunny ears.

Or, the one in which Harry wears bunny ears and a bunny butt plug and Louis proceeds to fuck him.

💮St. Austin’s School for Boys by @domtommo, @winsomefreak (100k) | Explicit

St. Austin’s School for Boys is a correction school for young men that uses corporal punishment as their means of discipline. After one too many infractions, Harry Styles is sent there till graduation. Upon arriving Harry meets his dorm advisor who also happens to be the first year sex-education teacher and footie coach, Louis Tomlinson. Harry falls in absolute adoration for the teacher and is all too ready to drop down onto his knees for him. During his stay he learns some very interesting things about himself… Welcome to St. Austin’s School for Boys, where the hallways are filled with love, drama, and sex.

Part 1 of St. Austin’s School for Boys

💮Something in the World Today by @whoknows(48k) | Explicit

It shouldn’t be a surprise, the first time that Louis drops to his knees in front of Harry. It shouldn’t be, because it’s been something that Louis has needed for a long time. It shouldn’t be, because he’s been crawling out of his skin for weeks on end. It shouldn’t be, because Harry always makes him feel better. It shouldn’t be, because he’s needed this even when he didn’t know that he needed it.

Somehow, it still is.

💮Something in the World Today by @whoknows(48k) | Explicit

It shouldn’t be a surprise, the first time that Louis drops to his knees in front of Harry. It shouldn’t be, because it’s been something that Louis has needed for a long time. It shouldn’t be, because he’s been crawling out of his skin for weeks on end. It shouldn’t be, because Harry always makes him feel better. It shouldn’t be, because he’s needed this even when he didn’t know that he needed it.

Somehow, it still is.

💮driving instructor fic by @LoadedGunn (104k) | Explicit

AU where Louis is a 25-year-old driving instructor and Harry is a 17-year-old virgin who’s really awful at seduction, except for the time he gets Louis to fall for him and fuck him senseless and take him on kinky adventures.

💮His Submission Series by tonystankyall (orphan_account) (152k) | Mature

Louis Tomlinson lives in a world where Domination and Submission is a norm. When you are born you are either branded Sub or Dom. Subs get a little pink or blue, depeneding on gender, series of swirls on the back of their neck. Doms get Red or Black, depending on gender, series of swirls on the back of their neck.

Louis Tomlinson was branded with a Blue tattoo and his day has finally come. The day of his 18th birthday where he will be randomly assigned a Dom. This dom could range from younger to older, poorer to richer, and male to female. You never knew what you were going to get. Some Doms were more harsher and stricter than others. Louis didn’t want a harsh Dom to submit to.

Harry Styles was branded with a Black tattoo and he just recieved in the mail that he was finally getting a submissive. Harry was a 32 year old man, settled in, and very very rich. He’s been waiting for an assigned submissive to be chosen for him for a very long time. His Dom friend, Zayn, has gotten his submissive two years prior, a little spit fire irish boy, Niall.

*The rest is in the note*

💮Loving You Is Free by @littlelouishiccups (91k) | Explicit

Louis is a workaholic record label CEO who hasn’t been on a date in nearly a year. Niall and Liam make an account for him on a sugar dating website as a joke. And then Louis meets Harry.

💮sex shop fic (dildornado ‘verse) by @istajmaal, @LoadedGunn (96k) | Explicit

AU where Louis is the most helpful sex shop salesperson in the history of sex shops, and Harry really was just looking for a vibrator with simple instructions (yet ended up getting a hands-on demonstration).

💮a cage for every ugly spirit by @sarcasticfluentry (15k) | Explicit

First-year uni student Harry gives up orgasms for Lent, featuring a cock cage and weekly prostate milkings on Sundays. Warning for religion kink. Written for the 1D Novena Ficathon.

💮Dance Floor Whore by @ropewithnoanchor (7k) | Explicit

Louis and Harry go to a club while on tour to blow off some steam, but Harry gets too drunk and lets another man dance up on him in front of everyone. Louis takes him back to their hotel and spends the next morning punishing Harry, making Harry work to make it up to him.

💮foreign but not different by @frappeniall (2k) | Explicit

When Harry signed the papers, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. All he knew was that he had good grades and that he was sick of his mom and sister. So he convinced his mom to let him go to school in London for a year.

[harry is a foreign exchange student who stays with the tomlinsons]

💮Give It Up To Me by @krisstylinson (8k) | Explicit

“You’re going to end up making me come with all the boys in our lounge,” he finished, his tone softening the longer he spoke.

“And?” Harry murmured, placing his palm over the crevice of Louis’ arse, keeping the plug nice and tight inside of him. “What if I wanted you to?”

Or the cliché where Louis isn’t supposed to come but he does, and that can’t go unpunished in Harry’s eyes.

💮Gnossienne by @pukeandcry (11k) | Explicit

Louis sets a challenge for himself; it gets a bit out of hand.

💮I’m Tired Of Using Technology, I Need You Right In Front Of Me by @Phillipa19 (6k) | Explicit

Louis goes away on yet another business trip, but when he stops calling Harry to check in, Harry decides to take matters into his own hands.

OR- Louis is Harry’s sugardaddy who has gone away on business and Harry feels neglected. Louis is possessive and gets a camera installed in their bedroom so he can check up on Harry, so Harry decides to use the camera to his advantage.

💮it ain’t trickin’ if ya got it by @sarcasticfluentry (10k) | Explicit

Louis raises an eyebrow and smirks. “You have to ask nicely, Harry.”

They’ve never really played like this before, and Louis is a little out of his element but he finds that they’re both falling effortlessly into their roles (and not just because Louis is good at acting).

Harry’s too overwhelmed, though, to say anything without first gasping, “I c-can’t - god, I can’t believe you - please, Daddy, please put it inside?”

… or, 28-year-old blockbuster actor Louis Tomlinson rushes home to give his 20-year-old model boyfriend Harry a good seeing-to after a particularly provocative Instagram post and, in his excitement, alerts the entire world. Featuring daddy kink, anal beads, and feelings.

💮let’s talk about making love by @istajmaal (25k) | Explicit

“That’s my name, baby, I’m Louis.” The voice on the phone inhales sharply, then says, “Gonna take my cock now, princess?”

Harry lets out a high-pitched mhmm and shudders as he pulls his fingers out of his hole, groping for the vibrator. “Nice to meet you,” he says, feeling a bit dizzy with how hard his untouched cock is.

Louis is just a simple phone sex line operator, but to Harry, he’s Daddy.

💮Sweet Dreams by @dormant_bender (5k) | Explicit

When fantasies become reality.

💮Wake Me Up by @larrystylins (2k) | Explicit

Harry stretches and accidentally pushes his bare bum into Louis’ crotch. Oh. That’s definitely Louis’ cock. Okay that’s definitely the outline of Louis’ hard cock pressing against him. “Lou?” he whispers. Of course Louis is fast asleep..

or Harry wakes up to Louis’ morning wood pressed against his bum. Harry gets needy. Louis wakes up and punishes him.

✨You can also check My Fic Tags for more fics! ✨

[shesawriter39049]

Disclaimer, it’s like 10 o’clock at night, I’m writing this on my phone... and I’m three drinks in but it’s me so I’m sure you guys didn’t expect anything else besides a hot ass mess 😩😩😩😭😂👏🏽!

 First off if I’m being honest, I didn’t really think I would do some long dramatic ass post about today. Hence why it’s coming at almost the end of the night! However I saw quite a few post on Twitter and to be honest the thing that made me want to get involved wasn’t the memories of the boys but the ones the fans were sharing as well...

Life happens I’m not the 18-year-old girl that I was when I first got on here so I don’t really have as much time but... that’s part of what made me feel like I had to join in. A lot of you guys have been with me since I was 18 and I turned 26 this year. For some godforsaken reason there’s still close to 50 K of you guys still following this blog and the majority of you found me because of my original One Direction account! So you guys know better than anyone that I’ve been through hell and back with this damn fandom but I still wouldn’t trade it,or you guys for anything so here I am making my sappy ass post 😒🤦🏽‍♀️!

So first and foremost let me say...Not only am I proud of the boys but of our fandom as well because we’ve come a long ass way!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

The friends and the memories I’ve made because of these boys!!! These fucking chaotic and stupidly talented boys! I found these motherfuckers when I was 17... you already know the story by now I got dragged along to one of their smaller radio gigs when they were just starting to do promo in the US! Once I graduated my best friend and roommate at the time was already whipped and she had my ass sucked all the way in lol watching the X factor reruns and hours worth of crackhead energy content on YouTube...😂😩😂 those videos diaries though💀😩!

Fast forward now I’ve traveled around the world to see these boys 12 shows and 4 meet and greets under the belt! To be honest there first two albums felt a little too “young” for me even then! But I loved there voices and there personalities were just A FUCKING 1 and of course it was all catchy AF! Then once I actually saw them live...I stuck and I decided to ride it out and stick around and mannn was it worth the ride! Till this day outside of being a old school 90s boyband fan nothing will truly top the memories and friends I made through them! All of the bullshit and drama aside it still doesn’t compare to the memories that I have to look back on during that whirlwind of a career that they had while they were together!  There aren’t many artist I can say their entire career was essentially their prime! 

The stories I have from going to shows,traveling for shows or even as we got older and it became kinda normal for us to see certain members just out chillin. Weather that be at a Starbucks, a concert, or even a club( que Liam in his phase of hosting parties 😂)! 

But I have to say above everything else something that I’m the most proud of...is that this fanbase grew with the boys and eventually learned that these are normal dudes and we don’t “own “ them! The way it changed from hating every girl the boys were seen with to encouraging them to date and enjoy life! The way we slowly stopped caring and freaking out about every damn thing and just enjoyed the ride! The way we just mind our own damn business and only make our presence known when needed!! 👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽👌🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Hell just the way we as fans matured as a whole...but also a lot of us are like 25 and up now too so I’d hope we learned something bc some of these fandoms now...Chile!

Actually One Direction are the reason I’m in even on tumblr to begin with.... but also things were different I was younger and actually had time to really be a “fan girl” and fully ingulf myself in the experience if I wanted to! I know I didn’t go anywhere near as hard as some fans because I still did try to have some form of a life lol...Buttttt the things that I did do and engage with looking back on it all these years later I still don’t regret dedicating those fan girl days to these 5 boys!

Happy 10 years boys and happy 10 years to us as fans, at 26 I’m still not embarrassed to call myself a 1D fan! 🤷🏽‍♀️

It was a wild ass ride but if you hung on it was worth it how did they saying used to go?

Ahh

“If you know...you know...” 😉😏

Stay safe my babies I still love you guys even though I don’t get to interact with you as much fingers crossed I get to see some of you next year if Harry is allowed to reschedule his tour dates 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

[nottodayhazz]

Hi guys! I wanna start this off by saying that I really do miss you so much. Happy 8 years! Happy anniversary! Can you believe it has already been 8 years since you've stood on that stage and was told that you're being put into a boyband? I remember how happy you really were. And how relieved you were, I guess, by not being out of the show so early. 8 years. 8 years of being in One Direction and so many things have happened since. Even just the last 3 years or so have been so eventful. Have you ever imagined that your lives will be like this? Because me? I did not. Never in my life (before you, of course) have I ever imagined that I will love and support a band this dearly. I thought that being a fangirl is pretty ridiculous. You know, spending your time and resources for some people you don't know personally and vice versa. But alas, you came to my life and it has never been the same since (in a positive way, mind you). July 23rd at 8:22pm. The date and time that hold a special place in many peoples hearts. The date and time that changed your lives, and ours too. July 23rd at 8:22pm. The date when you were put into a group together instead of being failed solo contestants. The date and time that changed everything. How has it been eight years already? Time flies really fast. It has been eight years since you came to our lives and made it even better. Eight years since we've been blessed with five amazing, talented, passionate, and incredible people. From the bottom of the stairs to the top of the world. I know that that sentence has been widely used in the fandom. But isn't it true? From shooting your video diaries at the stairs of the X Factor to being worldwide artists which are successful both as a band and as solo artists. One of you guys is now even a judge on the show that started it all. I really am so proud of you. You've come such a long way. You've grown so much as artists and I really am so fortunate to grow with you and witness everything. But, even when you grow older, you will always be 'the boys' and 'the lads' to me. Nothing can ever change that. I love you so much. I will never be able to really express how much I love you and what you mean to me and how thankful I am that I got to be a part of this wonderful family. You've done so many things for me, whether you are aware of it or not and I will forever be greatful to you. You, boys, hold a special place in my heart and I know that you will never be replaced here. You're my everything. Love of my life. My priority. My sunshine. I just love you so much. I owe you so much for all the happiness and inspiration that you've brought to my life. You've changed my life and I will never be able to thank you enough. I also wanna say thank you. Thank you for everything you've done not just for me but for other people too. You have been an inspiration and a source of joy for many people. You've saved so many and have been a lot of help to most of us. Thank you for sharing your music to us. Thank you for allowing us to see your talents and for sharing your stories to us. Thank you for letting us in in your life. Thank you for allowing us to know you and be a source of our strength. Thank you for spreading love in the fandom. Thank you for teaching us so many things. You make me the happiest. Thank you, you incredible people you. We've been through so much together and the past years have been a roller coaster of emotion. We've shared many memories together, and i know that those memories will stay in my heart forever. This hiatus has been hard for us. You know, because we're used to you giving us music every November. Then going on tour. We're used to seeing you oftentimes than not. I've been thinking if we took everything for granted? Maybe I should have given you more time and affection when you were still active as a band. Don't get me wrong okay? I love what you're doing now. I'm happy because I can see that you are happy too and you know that I wish nothing but your happiness. But I still miss the good old days. Ahh (in Harold's voice) those were the days, man. I just miss you. I miss you so much. I miss everything. Life wasn't as complicated as it is now back then. I wish I could turn back time. And I know that as you all are liars, the reunion or you getting back together again might not really happen. I'm still hoping though. But I expect nothing (Yes, hoping for the best but expecting the worst, that). And so I don't really wanna expect anything to be announced on this special day. Please, don't announce that you're never getting back together. If you're going to announce that then just don't announce anything, I won't expect anything anyway. I know I believe that you won't be back as a band but a confirmation will hurt so much. Just, please :(( You've hurt me enough as it is (I still love you though). Have I told you yet that I love you? I love you. I love you so much. I love everything about you. It has been eight years and I couldn't be more proud of all of your achievements and how much you've grown as artists. You've come such a long way. You've conquered the world and captured the hearts of millions. I know that each of you are doing your own thing now and you all are doing a great job at it. Please keep on doing what you love, continue to inspire more people and to spread love and happiness like what you've been doing for the past years. You don't know how many lives you've touched and saved with your music and just by being yourselves. We will always be here for you. Even if you don't really come back as a band. I will still support you. Because your happiness matters more than you getting back together. I'm sorry too. For everything that I lack as a fan. For almost forgetting you when I met another group. But worry no more (this is a reassurance for myself) because I vow to always keep you my priority moving forward. I love you so much and I regret having those times when I've kinda shifted my attention to another group. I'm sorry please don't hate me. I now see the light lol (Actually, Niall made me realize how I truly love you when I met him at Flicker tour). Anyway, I think I gotta end this here. Oh wait. I want you to know that I always tear up whenever I think of you. Lmao when did I become so emotional. Guess this is me missing you a lot. I love you so much. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. Keep making us proud but please don't lose yourselves in the process. Remember, you guys are the most important here. I don't care about breaking records and winning awards. You. Are. The. Most. Important. Got it? Good! Harry, Niall, Louis, Liam and Zayn.. I love you, to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond. You're always in my heart. "One Direction is who we are, and it's who we always will be" Annnndd though as I've said I don't really expect anything anymore but is still hoping... "You've promised to come back, we've promised to stay. Till the end." Yes, I promise to stay. Whether you come back or not. Till the end. "We are legends. And legends never die." 8 years and counting. Here's to more years of 1D. 🎉🥂

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I would love to one day compare and contrast the boys' solo music videos in detail. For now, what's your personal ranking of fave to least fave?

What a great ask anon - thanks so much. After much watching and careful consideration I have my rankings and have learned much about my own taste in music videos in the process. 

Here we have 1D’s solo music videos ranked from ‘this is made just for me’ to ‘actively unpleasant to watch’

Just Like You: I don’t think it’ll surprise anyone who reads my blog that I love the way this video engages with the world.  It’s the only video from a One Direction member that has the word ‘communist’ or engages sympathetically with women’s experience of sexual harassment.  Using newspapers is a great idea for a lyric video anyway, but in this case it’s not just about the aesthetics, but creating an aesthetic that underscores and adds to the song. I love everything about it - the choices of articles, the little drawings, the use of silhouettes.  As we get towards the bottom of the list it’ll become clear that a lot of music videos just aren’t made for me.  This video very much was.Kiwi: Puppies! Beautiful Baked Goods! Harry L’s amazing outfits! Harry S hamming it up! This video is a joy of a concept brilliantly executed.  If I can’t shake the feeling that it celebrates the aesthetics of gentrification, I can be distracted by cute children.

Back to You: So if I was being totally honest with myself this video would probably be first. I’ve watched it more often than any of the other videos (possibly more than the other videos put together).  My formative experience of music videos is of sitting on my friend’s couch in the late 1990s and early 2000s talking shit while music TV was on in the background.  This feels like the sort of video I would have enjoyed then - endlessly watchable but you don’t have to worry about missing anything.  Charm and a sense of place is really all you need. (I also have a theory that this is the music video that has done most for the song of any 1D solo single.  Back to You has done noticeably better on youtube than streaming).

Miss You: I thought this would be the one that I couldn’t really defend.  That when it came down to it all the ranking of this music video would show was that I’m a sucker for Louis and pink triangles.  But you know what? Louis effectively communicates both joy and loneliness - and that’s so much more interesting than communicating that you’re staring into the middle distance and singing seriously.  I don’t think this video is effective as it should be and I can’t figure out why (I think it’s about the lack of energy and specificity outside Louis’ crew in the crowd scenes. Or maybe it’s the whiteness, which I think undermines the sense of place and makes it much harder to invest in this group of men’s fun).  But emotions and pink triangles cover many sins.

Still Got Time: This video has so much energy, partly because they manage to make the party full, but I think the retro effects work really well.  To me it’s a great example of how if something is grounded everything else works better. The surrealness of the monkey and alligator at the end is so much more effective, because what went before established the world of a 90s house party.

BeFoUr: See I’m easy to please - set a music video somewhere that feels like it exists and have Zayn smile and I’m like ‘great work’.  

Get Low:  This one is pretty odd - there are bits that feel like they’re making sure that this is a music video and they really get in the way of the looseness of the concept.  The choreographed dance routine following them around and Liam’s serious singing face don’t really work at all.  But then at the end they sing with the children and Liam smiles and everything gets lots better. 

Slow Hands: What I have learned from this ranking is me and Niall have very different music video aesthetics.  This is by far my favourite of his.  He’s so much more charming when he’s goofing around recording than when he’s pretending to have feelings.  

Sign of the Times: This one is hard, because I can see a good video in here.  There are moments where Harry conveys an emotional reaction to the situation that feels real (when he looks at his shaking hand at 0:51, his joy at 2:51, and some of the body positioning and expressions towards the end), but for most of the video it just looks like he’s dangling on the end of the rock.  Solid concept (although probably one that would always have too much middle distance staring for me) badly executed.

Just Hold On: I really hate the cheesy special effect when they go from place to place and I think this video relies on a level of interest in heterosexuality that I just don’t have. But this video is much higher up the list than I expected it to be.  The couple in this video look like they’re having fun in each other’s company.  Quite a few 1D members could learn about how to communicate desire from the actors in this video.

Dusk Till Dawn: It’s very well done (and has a great sense of place), but epic storytelling isn’t my favourite form of music video.  And my extreme aversion to the police shooting anyone means I can’t enjoy the end (for all I like a clever heist).

Too Much to Ask: So this video almost has a sense of place for Niall to be sad in, but it just doesn’t quite get there.  I really like the bits where he’s exploring London and riding on the tube.  But the scenes where Niall is singing in a bedroom that couldn’t possibly be his bedroom and they’re all playing in another unidentified room really detract from the setting established in the London shots.  Is Niall supposed to be staying over in the pub that has terrible decor? Why not establish some space that could believably his.  He moves around London like someone who exists in that space, but the other locations undermine that.

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever/For You: These obviously have a job within the wider franchise and they both do that job well.  I think I prefer the aesthetic of For You, but Rita Ora is very good at smiling and being charming while also singing a ridiculous over dramatic song in a dress.  We’ll call it a tie. 

This Town: Both the lyric video and the performance video are fine I guess.  They’re sweet enough, except maybe the bit with the golf ball heart, which seems like a bit of a disturbing metaphor. 

Strip That Down: Like the song, this video has the advantage to fully committing to how stupid it is.  Give me somewhere that has no sense of aesthetics because it’s all neon and houseplants rather than bland rich people aesthetics any day.  Also Liam smiles, which is so much preferable to his serious singing face.  But it’s definitely not a music video that was made with me in mind.  And the difference in clothing between the men and the women in the video is really tedious.

Like I Would: Some of the special effects are cool.  I think the outfit Zayn is wearing is particularly impressive.  But it’s so serious and the fact that Zayn and the female dancers are never in the same frame really emphasises the difference in the way men’s and women’s bodies

It’s You: The black and white cinematography make it very pretty, but it’s boring.  Generic rich people is so not my aesthetic.  I wouldn’t have made it all the way through if I wasn’t writing this post.

Pillowtalk: I really don’t like this video.  I find the art school special effects tedious and the flowers particularly embarrassing.  Also I’m trypophobic so I literally find the woman with spikes on her face unwatchable and have to close my eyes.  

On the Loose: I really don’t like it.  As well as being bland, the way it’s shot really dehumanises the woman in the song.  The lyrics aren’t great anyway - men warning other men how awful women are isn’t my thing.  But in the song she does things - in the music video because of the slow-mo and the framing she is reduced to an object and all she is doing is being looked at.

Bedroom Floor: This is essence of everything I hate in music videos.  Bland rich people aesthetics, joyless sex and relationships and constipated middle distance staring as a way of conveying emotion.  As if that wasn’t enough it promotes rape culture and is actively unpleasant to watch.

[elenaferrante]

Kiwi Analysis

So, on Friday, me & @captiveharts read the lyrics of this song almost at the same time, and then when we started discussing them, we realized we both had thought the same thing. Yes, we do think it’s a song about stunting, and we do think it’s about a stunt in particular. Not b*bygate, though, but H*ylor (that is probably the stunt lol). And Harry saying this song started as a joke at the Breakfast Show with Nick, made us think this probably started as a “you know, i really need to get this off my chest” thing: it started as a joke meaning that he probably wanted to make fun of her and of her habit of writing about her exes. It was probably just “a bit of a banter,” & then at some point, they must have gone like “you know, this could be good,” & turned into a proper song. But with no further delay, let’s start our analysis.

●     “She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.”

○     The first line can be a metaphor of how TS started from the bottom as a Miss Nothing & then turned into a pop princess/America’s sweetheart™,

○     The second line can be about how business-woman-alike she always acts. Everyone always says – even if she enjoys acting like a naive little girl – she’s actually really smart (& she knows it).

●     “And all the boys, they were saying they were into it,”

○     where “all the boys” are obviously all the men TS stunted with

    ■     many of whom are surrounded by gay rumours,

    ■     reenacting every single rom-com cliché (no, Tom Hiddleston, I haven’t forgiven you yet for going around with that hideous I <3 TS tank top)

    ■     “Into it” can also be interpreted as a way of accepting a deal, & getting along with it.

●     “Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck.”

○     Does this one really need an explanation?

●     “It’s New York, baby, always jacked up, Whole tunnels, foreign noises always backed up.”

○     Well, NYC plays a big role both in TS’ personal life, and for the whole length of that mess that was H*ylor.

○     The lines Harry & his co-authors wrote seem in fact to mock a bit TS’s Welcome to New York (Walkin’ through a crowd, the village is aglow / Kaleidoscope of a loud, heartbeats under coats)

○     Harry and Taylor are papped several times together in NYC:

   ■     The first time they were spotted together was in Central Park

   ■     Taylor went to 1D’s after party after their concert at the MSG,

   ■     They were both papped again in NYC while leaving their hotels

   ■     They were seen together at the Jingle Ball’s backstage

   ■     And of course there’s the whole super yikes NYE ball drop thing.

●     “When she’s alone, she goes home to a cactus,”

○     This is probably the most “obscure” line in the whole song, but we thought it could mean that she’s basically going home alone, finding nothing but a plant in her empty house. TS likes surrounding herself with people – her “squad”, her countless boyfriends – but at the end of the day, these are mostly stunts. We don’t know which relationships she has are actually real (*cough* Karlie i know you’re real *cough*), but most of them are probably just for the sake of the press and the media.

●     “In a black dress, she’s such an actress,”

○     TS is actually known for wearing a lot of black dresses/outfits 

○     She referred to herself as “the girl in the dress” in Dear John (The girl in the dress cried the whole way home and The girl in the dress wrote you a song).

○     About the actress thing, well:

   ■     TS is literally an actress as well since she played a couple of roles in some movies (Valentine’s Day, The Giver, etc),

   ■     she’s an actress metaphorically because of all of her stunts & the girl next door image she’s built for herself.

○     But with this line, Harry also seems to mock an old TS’s song, Better Than Revenge, where on her turn, she was mocking a girl who had “stolen her boyfriend from her” (She’s not a saint & she’s not what you think / she’s an actress, oh oh / she’s better known for the things that she does / on the mattress, oh oh).

●     “Driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it, I’m kinda into it, It’s getting crazy, I think I’m losing it, I think I’m losing it.”

○     Okay, first of all, crazy. Harry repeats it twice in each chorus, & he stresses it when he sings it.

○     Crazy is definitely a word that comes up to everybody’s mind when they think of TS:

   ■     because of the psycho girlfriend image that has been build up around her public persona (there are loads of parodies on Youtube, media have often talked about it)

   ■     and eventually, she has – very smartly – referenced it herself in Shake It Off and especially Blank Space (and in fact she acts like a psychopath in the Blank Space music video, mocking the idea that the GP & the media have of her).

○     But “crazy” is a term she often uses in her own songs as well,

   ■     Picture To Burn (Tell you friends I’m obsessive & crazy, that’s fine, I’ll tell mine that you’re gay),

   ■     I’m Only Me When I’m With You (You drive me crazy half of the time), etc

   ■     She uses it in the initial monologue in the I Knew You Were Trouble music video,

   ■     and she has a whole song called Crazier.

○     The whole “into it” escalation, on the other hand, seems like a young Harry trying to convince himself that this stunt won’t be this bad:

   ■     his managers were probably telling him how a good idea this would be, how his popularity would increase, he must have told himself that he would have survived this, that he’d have managed to appear into her,

   ■     only to realize that no, he wouldnt have been able to do this cause the whole stunt was getting insane, and that H*ylor was the worst thing ever (for both him & Louis), and that’s why he then proceeds to sing “I think I’m losing it”.

●     “I think she said ‘I’m having your baby, it’s not of your business’”.

○     Of course, this is a metaphor. this girl mentioned in this song sounds extremely bossy, and lowkey psycho, and that’s a great description for TS (her public persona, at least).

○     This is TS saying: “I want all the promo I can get, and I don’t care if you hate it. We signed a deal, so now shut your mouth cause I’m getting what I want.” She’s stubborn, she doesn’t think about him anymore, she just wants to help herself and, indeed, she has done that even way after the end of H*ylor, publicly shading Harry, and implying that great part of 1989 (& not only) was written about Harry (and by the way, there have also been rumours, back during H*ylor, that TS was indeed pregnant of Harry).

○    Harry might have also take inspiration from another stunt (*cough cough* b*abygate *cough cough*) for this particular line

●     “She sits beside me like a silhouette, Hard candy dripping on me till my feet are wet.”

○     These are the infamous lines that made people accusing Harry of encouraging pedophily (yikes). First of all, we definitely don’t think Harry was aware of the metaphorical meaning of “hard candy” (I had no idea either), and we actually think that “hard candy” is just the name of a drink, a very girly one btw, that for sure would fit TS’s sweetheart image, and of course it’d make sense since Harry sings that “it’s dripping on him till his feet are wet.” (And btw, there’s also a scene in the Blank Space mv where Taylor eats a hard candy & the camera focuses on her face).

●     “And now she’s all over me,”

○     Well, she was quite literally all over him during H*ylor

○     and she made sure to stay all over him with all the songs she implied were about him.

●     “It’s like I paid for it, it’s like I paid for it, I’m gonna pay for it.”

○     Harry here might refer initially to the whole stunt thing: their relationship is nothing but a fauxmance, it’s literally hiring someone to play his beard.

○     And then, he refers to when the realization of what was going on sank in: he was gonna pay the consequences for this stunt for a long, long time (in fact, he still is since media still ask him about her).

In conclusion, this song seems to us Harry’s reply at all the songs she implied were about him, at all the very obvious attempts of shading him she’s done through the years. But this song, this is not a Style 2.0, it’s not even another Perfect. This is extremely subtle, and one can get the reference only reading carefully into the lyrics. It’s Harry’s way to get back at her, but in a classy way (unlike hers), and by mocking Better Than Revenge, he’s basically saying: “Take this, Taylor. There is nothing I do better than revenge.”

[anemonensblog]

11(33) Questions meme

So I got tagged by @writsgrimmyblog quite a while ago, and didn’t get around to answering it since I was travelling, so got further tagged by @dictacontrion​ and @huldrejenta​. So this is very long. Hence the cut thing.

RULES:

- Always post the rules

- Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

- Write 11 questions of your own

- Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

As for my questions, I’m tagging @eidheann, @dracogotgame, @capipuff, @awesomedig, @comingupwithusernamesishard, @noeeon, @i-didnt-wanna-do-it, @firethesound and then if you guys who tagged me wants to do my questions too, I wouldn’t mind readig your answers :D

@writsgrimmyblog​ asked:

1.       What’s your favourite quote from a book or poem? I'm not the best at picking out quotes and I've never been big on poetry, but Kate Tempest has some texts that really digs into my soul. Seeing her at the third biggest stage at Glastonbury, a spoken word artist drawing such a crowd - was pretty powerful. So I chose this quote from her 'Tunnel Vision':

"The myth of the individual has left us disconnected, lost, and pitiful" (which sounds a bit bleak, but the whole poem/album is really powerful, and it ends on a sort of hopeful note.)

2.       What song makes you want to dance like nobody’s watching? I only ever dance like nobody's watching :D latest to Pumarosa at their set at Glastonbury, and then to some pretty heavy techno waiting for Josefin Örn's set at the Glade. While I don't listen to it much on my own, nothing really makes me let loose and not give a shit like hard electronic music does wrt dancing.

3.       What’s your favourite ship to read? Currently Larry. Fic wise it's such a varied pairing to read - covering so many themes and settings - so I never manage to get tired of it. I also really love Tomlinshaw, but Drarry is always in my heart - my first and deepest fandom love.

4.       If you could own one item of clothing belonging to any celebrity what would you pick and why? Umm, is it weird to be in a celeb related fandom and say that I don't really pay that much attention to celebrities? I guess in the sense of overall style I usually like Kristen Stewart's choices and I'd probably be more than happy to wear her wardrobe at all times. But for a single item I'd probably go for one of Harry Styles's lush and luxurious and ridiculously expensive floral blouses and pair it with a pair of high waisted skinny jeans and my brogues.

5.       Gif with a hard or soft ‘g’? Well, as I usually pronounce file formats in Norwegian, the hard g is the only one that makes sense. I suppose we do have a version of soft g too, but that would make it yif, and that just sounds weird. So hard g it is!

6.       What’s your favourite fanfic ‘getting together’ trope? Hmm, does coming to terms with one's sexuality count as a getting together trope? That always hits me really hard and feels very emotional. Otherwise I guess friends to lovers and enemies to lovers, with loads of pining and ust.

7.       What’s your guiltiest pleasure? I'm not sure I actually have a really guilty pleasure? I used to watch a lot of Americas next top model, just because I loved seeing the process with the photo shoots, so maybe that's a little guilty with regards to how the modelling and fashion industry perpetuates some very unhealthy things.

8.       Most relatable 1D (or solo 1D) lyric? “If tomorrow you won’t be mine, won’t you give it to me one last time” JK LMAO but no one can convince me that song isn’t fucking hilarious. For real though, I’m more of a melody than lyrics kind of gal, so I’m not entirely sure? Maybe this one, for good luck, since I’m making some changes in my life (also bonus since they are Louis’ lines :D): “I think I'm gonna win this time, Riding on the wind and I won't give up, I think I'm gonna win this time, I roll and I roll, 'til I change my luck, I roll and I roll, 'til I change my luck”

9.       If you could give one piece of advice to a celebrity, what would it be? I don't necessarily feel like I have any good basis for giving advice to celebs, but I guess just remembering to keep a healthy perspective towards the world, and to use their platform for good. Their participation in politics and activism could do more good than I think a lot of them realise. (But stay informed and think before you speak.)

10.   Tell me your favourite joke. You know, I literally can’t think of a single joke. I guess I could search for some, but that would sort of belie the point.

11.   If you were famous for a day, what question would you most dread being asked during an interview? I think anything related to diet/workout routine/keeping my body in shape would make me feel really uncomfortable and objectified.

@dictacontrion​'s questions:

1.       If you could have one billion dollars or the not (or only incidentally) profitable superpower of your choosing, which would you choose and why? As my big dream/my favourite thing to do is travelling and seeing the world, my chosen superpower would probably be teleportation. BUT teleportation would still leave me with the issue of spending money and getting days off work (unless I used the teleportation for criminal purposes I guess). So I think I'd go for the billion dollars, which not only would enable me to travel as much and however I'd like, but is such a ridiculous amount of money that maybe I could use it to do some good in the world.

2.       What article of clothing makes you feel most awesome? The way I dress is incredibly dependent on my mood, but I guess maybe my denim shorts? Mostly because of the setting in which I would wear them. I love the feeling of warm air and sun on bare skin more than practically anything, so the few occasions where I'm able to wear my denim shorts I feel happy and awesome from the get-go :)

3.       How did you get into your most recent fandom? That must be the 1d fandom, so long story short: a 1d fanfic based m/m novel tickled my curiousity, Harry's 'not that important' even more so. Got recommended the fantastic gryles fic “If this is love” by sunsetmog which I read and adored, and diving deeper into sunsemog’s fics I then read “I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow” which till this day still stands as one of my fave ever fics. Then followed some arbitrary tumblr searching and blog following, and in time the rabbit hole that is Larry swallowed me hole and has failed to spit me back out.

4.       What’s your least favorite/most hated book, and why? I’m terribly impatient, so I don’t really finish stuff I don’t like? So I don’t really have that passionate bad feelings about any one book I’ve read. Read some 1800s Norwegian realism/naturalism literature in high school which at the time felt like a drag, but in hindsight I’m very happy I read. Moby Dick annoyed the hell out of me, and I gave up halfway through, but I still don’t hate it, I don’t think. So I don’t really know *shrugs*

5.       Describe a fanwork you’d love to read/see/watch, but don’t want to create yourself, please? Ummm, a long and plotty Ginny/Luna fic maybe. I’d love to read more femslash, but the fics I’ve seen out there are usually just little ficlet. And nothing against a good ficlet, but I’m longing to dive deep into a long and immersive wlw story. (Incidentally, if anyone have any such recs, be it fanfic or original fiction, I’d be happy to hear about it!)

6.       What would be the lineup of your ideal music festival? Ahhhh this is simultaneously the hardest and the best possible question for me!! Okayyy: Grimes, Years & Years, One Direction (ofc), Pumarosa, Arctic Monkeys, Lianne La Havas, Shura, The Shins, Loyle Carner, Wolf Alice, Ezra Furman, Lady Gaga and Rihanna (the two of whom I don't listen to much, but I think they'd bring some amazing pop flair), the Kills, Chvrches, All We Are, Warpaint, Tame Impala, Susanne Sundfør, Amason and then Katzenjammer for some fun nostalgia, ohh and Kate Tempest! and Charli XCX was a lot of fun and I wouldn’t mind seeing her again. ummm okay and then a club line-up for after hours with AlunaGeorge, Disclosure, Hot Chip, Roger Sanchez, Röksopp ft Robyn, Christine Dancke and Nick Grimshaw because why not ;) (And now I’ll probably go on to regret everyone I forgot to add)

7.       You’re given the power to unilaterally create one law or policy in one country - what is it? To nationalise all natural resources so their riches would benefit the people rather than a few rich private business owners and multinational corporations who are often not even based locally.

8.       If you had to commit to living in one place for the rest of your life, what would it be?  Part of me wants to say London, but I think realistically I'll have to choose Bergen (in Norway)<3

9.       Thinking about your life a year from now, what’s one thing that you hope will be different? I hope I’m no longer in this limbo between life phases and will have got to implement the changes I’m going for properly.

10.   What’s one thing that you hope will be the same? My relationship.

11.   What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Was out with some friends for beers last night, which included many laughs, but I can’t remember what in particular that made me laugh. I hang out with these people way to rarely. They’re such great people, and hanging out with them feels so relaxed.

And last but not least, @huldrejenta​‘s questions:

1. What was your favourite album as a teenager? Depends on when you asked me. If I was 13, probably “The Eminem Show”, but as a 17-year old, most definitely Arctic Monkeys’ “Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I’m Not” (which still stands as one of my all time favourites)

2. What’s your favourite album now? Pumarosa – “The Witch” – fantastic album, which I wholeheartedly recommend.

3. One pairing you’d love to have more fanfic/art about? As mentioned above, Ginny/Luna. But also more femslash in general would be pretty fantastic.

4. What’s your favourite villain in books and/or movies? I’m not a villain kind of lady, but maybe Umbridge? I don’t think anyone has ever given me as bad feelings as her, because she’s such a realistic villain in a lot of ways. She’s not caricature evil like Voldy or Sauron, but an everyday, self-involved, closed minded evil. And that’s a very effective kind of evil to hate.

5. Do you believe in supernatural phenomenons? No

6. You can have dinner with any person from history, who would you choose? This is kind of an impossible question. So many interesting persons through history. But, actually, I think I’d really have loved to have met my grandfather on my father’s side. My dad is quite old, so his dad was born in the late 1800s and died long before I was born, but he was a teacher and from the sound of it, incredibly foresighted and modern for a man of that time. Which are values he’s very much passed on to his sons. My dad is amazing. My grandfather was a teacher, and during the Nazi occupation of Norway during WW2, he was among those who lost their jobs because he refused to teach nazi ideology to his pupils. And this was in a small, working class industry town, and my dad has told so many fantastic stories about him. I’d love to have met him and talked to him.

7. Name three things you like about yourself :) While I’m pretty shy, I’m also kind of tough in some ways. I went to Japan without much of a plan and winged it as we went. I started playing rugby at age 27. I started singing in a choir I found by googling, where I didn’t know anyone. I wish that toughness spread to other sides of my life, but at least it’s something. I can sing, something which brings me immense joy. I have a pretty good memory, combined with wide spanning interests and curiosity, so I remember a lot of weird facts and random things.

8. Hogwarts era Drarry, yes or no? Depends. 8th year, post war/canon, yes. Canon divergence (other than ewe), mostly no.

9. What was the last thing you googled? The lyrics for some 1d songs for one of the questions further up :P

10. Favourite Harry Potter book? Hmmmmmmmmmm I don’t know? Maybe Prisoner of Azkaban? They’ve all had very profound effects on me though, so it’s like choosing a favourite child.

11. Favourite museum/gallery? I’ve seen a lot of amazing museum during my life, so that’s kind of impossible to answer as well. But maybe, for nostalgic reasons, Bryggens Museum in Bergen. Because my dad used to take me and my sister there sometimes during weekends when we were little, when my mum needed to sleep after a night shift at the hospital. And he’d tell stories and we’d look at the archaeological spots and the seasonal exhibits, and we’d get soda and cake in the museum café.

My questions:

1.     Do you have a song stuck in your head right now? Which one?

2.     Do you have any plans in the foreseeable future that you’re looking forward to?

3.     What’s your favourite place inside your house/flat?

4.     What hobbies do you have outside of fandom?

5.     Do you speak any languages besides your own?

6.     What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?

7.     If you could meet the leader of your country and tell them whatever you wanted, and be guaranteed they’d listen to you, what would you say?

8.     What movie did you watch over and over as a child, and what was your favourite thing about it?

9.     What’s your favourite thing about each season through the year?

10. If you were to get a pet tomorrow, what would you call it and why?

11. How did you discover fanfiction?