#but gregor so handsome i love him a lot

[verndusk]

re-drawing a Bad Batch scene a day until season 3 comes out (or i forget): day 32

[venomgaia]

bugs! in! love!

(happy 07x13!)

[strobbylemonade]

unorganised canto vii pt 2 thoughts and spoilers

sinclair's getting bullied fuck yeah

rodya moments. i love her. also it's really funny seeing the main story go "rodion is not an important person" and then we get dulcinea rodya

lots of talk about family... heathcliff admitting he sees the lcb as his family was really sweet....

OK HONG LU'S NAME IS BAOYU. INTERESTING.

"if something bad were to happen to your sister in front of your eyes" like what, gregor. getting eaten by an apple. anyways i was so sure xichun was going to die at some point, i was trying so hard to keep her alive during the dulcinea fight in case her dying was scripted or something!!! (i got to the end with xichun on 5hp)

anyways. shoutout to the outfits they're putting the women in during the plays. i cheered when ryoshu came in she looks so hot. ishmael please show up in pt 3.

this was really sweet i love them so much

after i slept on it, there's some stuff going on here

a: some kind of frau eva situation going on here? sanson is connected to demian in some way and presumably the bookhunter (bari?) has the mark of cain. b: sinclair wanting to be like the image of don quixote, while most of what we see of sancho is her wailing about how she doesn't want to go on an adventure.

really interesting how the concept of death and suicide comes up in a lot of cantos, like we know gregor's barely hanging on by a thread (his passive is called "forced survival"), yi sang admits to the worst day of his life being the one where he found out his contract made him immortal, ishmael wanting her "life as it is to end", and then dante realising they're not willing to die. and heathcliff. well. erlking heath's technically dedicated his life to killing himself. i always get something new out of every time they revisit the topic.

bari/the bookhunter is SUUUCH an interesting addition. to my knowledge, she's not a character from the original story? and the way she talks to sancho and her Father, encouraging ideas of grandiosity and not stopping sancho from drinking from the lake??? WHO ARE YOU????

also outis knows the name of the lake of the underworld... inch resting... from how much she spoke in canto v, and odysseus dying by drowning in dante's inferno, i wonder where in the odyssey the main story takes place.

again dante's biggest fear is losing the bond the sinners have built with each other...

brief detour to talk about dante:

they've been a looooot less active this canto, going back to canto 3 levels of "i sorta want to help them but i don't know what to do" and only stepping in when things get really intense. i think in canto v and vi, they had queequeg and cathy as guidance as to what to do (or what not to do in cathy’s case), because they’re people that cared about their respective sinners and dante’s entire job and motivation to help their sinners find their way.

in canto v and vi, they also paralleled someone else in the sinners’ life, e.g. ishmael wanting to go on a new adventure with dante after losing queequeg, and both cathy and dante pushing heathcliff away from the destructive fate of erlking. however, donqui doesn’t have anyone in her life. she outright says she has no family, and dante notes that nobody even listens to her talk most of the time. where i think dante steps in is that they’re meant to parallel don quixote herself, the all-powerful amnesiac with a heart of gold, where all they remember is the vague promise of something they no longer remember (for dante, their aspect, and donqui, it’s dante themselves)... i hope. and since we're already getting a lot of sinclair attention this canto as well, i hope it's a situation where they look back on themselves dying on the mountain of bodies and lamenting that they let another one of their sinners fall into despair before they did something.

anyways. back to the sinner of the hour SHE'S SO HANDSOME????? I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE TIME BUT OH MY GOD??? THE GASP I GUSP????

anyone else hear that ominous bell tolling????🤣🤣🤣 no?? just me??????😭😭😭😭😭😭

OKAY BUT HER EYES!!! DULCINEA WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SHE'S LITERALLY GORGEOUS. in all seriousness, dante also comments on how donqui's bloodfiend eyes are always looking down on everything else around her, so i really do wonder what was behind the door in the past to make her look so wonderstruck.

also i'm really glad that the cg artist seems to have really fallen back into what made the LoR cgs so gorgeous as well, ever since warp express the characters and colours have really become a lot more vibrant and dynamic. i really hope that means they're not too overworked anymore.

alright. one more week until we get mili + donqui pass on! let's go!!! things i'm still waiting for:

dante & donqui moment together PLEASE COME ON PLEASE

vergilius showing up again / finding out what their contract entailed or how they met (maybe a sinner plays vergilius at some point??? he and ishmael got a lot in common. please)

i swear to god i head a musical cue from man of la mancha in one of the bgms this canto but i might be making it up. so if i am making it up, man of la mancha musical reference in either the mili song or bgm

[shinyvivillon]

Oh, by the way! I hope it's alright to ask, but ... Gregor. What drew you to him? I'm always so curious about other's Project Moon ships, so I've been wanting to ask for a while ... I just was shy.

(I was also that second anon who suggested Malkuth for the kin ask game--I suffer from incredible shyness around other Project Moon fans after some negativr experiences, so it took me a while to finally reach out ;;)

~ 🪻

Oh don't worry I'm always open to any questions or asks or. Anything really -w- <3

When Limbus was first teased his design immediately caught my eye tbh! I thought he was very handsome !! And I enjoyed the story he is based off of so I was interested in how PJM was going to apply it in their universe!! (I also love bugs a lot so I always get a little excited feeling when I see buggy characters hehe) When it finally released I was rlly happy that his canto was the first because I wanted to know more about him immediately! His personality rlly got me and still continued to throughout each canto really.. I care about him so much!! He fits a genre of character I am drawn to and there is a pipeline somewhere I'm sure I just couldn't point it out to you immediately-

[childofaura]

Big question I have: who are your top 10 favourite Awakening characters from the First Generation and why?

This one will be fun :D also same disclaimer I always say: these aren’t in any particular order except for number one, because he really is number one.

That’s pretty much how all my lists go, lol.

Priam. This man is perfect and wonderful in so many ways; before I played Awakening, I watched all the confessions of the male characters, saw him, and went “THAT ONE. HE’S THE ONE .” He left me smitten even before I knew anything about him, like him being Ike’s descendent, and I’ve always been drawn more towards the “Avatarsexuals”. The game always tries to play him off as annoying, but he’s just incredibly passionate about gaining strength. He’s actually pretty passionate about everything he does, especially when he confesses that he’s fallen in love with you. His confession portrait has to be one of the most romantic in the game:

Priam is a hulking beast of a warrior but here, he’s kneeling down in front of you, having taken his gloves off so he can hold your hand in his (no one else does this by the way) while he gazes adoringly into your eyes. Combine that with how powerful and handsome he is, he’s my ultimate husband choice in Awakening. The only downside is how far in the game he is before you can recruit him (Chapter 25) but he’s worth it.

2. Aversa. I like a lot of SpotPass characters, and I like Aversa for her extra lore. Most people hate the SpotPass characters for turning the villains “good”, but I think it’s neat that the bad guys help defeat the TRUE villain pulling the strings (and it’s not like bad guys like Validar became good). Aside from that, Aversa is actually a sweetheart who struggles with making friends because she feels like she doesn’t deserve it (in her supports with M!Robin at least). It definitely makes her one of the more interesting female Awakening characters.

3. Vaike. WHEN, IS??? WHEN ARE WE GETTING TEACH??? Here’s hoping he’s not a demote when we get him… he’s a cool dude and his support with Sully is actually pretty touching, they were made for each other.

4. Frederick. I think Frederick (along with Dedue) is actually one of the nicer vassal characters in Fire Emblem, because Jakob can kind of be an asshole sometimes and Hubert is… Hubert. He’s diligent, cares about others, and holds the Shepherds together.

5. Gregor. The dude is SO overlooked as “haha funny Russian man” despite the fact that he’s powerful as fuck and even could have been a Khan of Regna Ferox if he wanted to. And RESOURCEFUL, the fact that he knew how to do Cordelia’s makeup is impressive. Plus I think he’s the best dad for Severa (I actually headcanon that Severa is bilingual in Gregor’s homeland tongue and it comes out when she’s pissed off at something or someone). Great dude and I’m glad he got added to FEH.

6. Gangrel. I said it. He works great as an antagonist and he’s a fun ally with a fascinating backstory (he kind of reminds me of Askeladd from Vinland Saga). It’s actually really sad to me that he dies a horrible death if he doesn’t support with F!Robin, I’d have liked for him to have loved to do SOMETHING.

7. Kellam. NO END. I’VE HEARD NO END TO THE INVISIBILITY JOKES. I GET IT. I will ALWAYS acknowledge my boy. He’s such a sweetheart and I adore his support with Olivia. He better get a prf when he gets added to FEH or I will riot.

8. Panne. She turns into a bunny. I like her.

But also she has a great backstory.

9. Virion. Ok yes he’s silly and goofy and flirts with anything that looks remotely female and walks on two legs. But if you read his Support with F!Robin (definitely one of the most sincere supports of the game in my opinion), he’s actually a very noble and caring guy. Especially during one of the DLCs where he sells an heirloom dagger for an old couple who was sick, and refuses to be acknowledged in any way or form for doing so. He’s got a great heart.

10. Mustafa. Does this count? Probably not but I wanna give him a shoutout anyways. I’m mad that HE wasn’t a SpotPass character, as cool as Walhart was, I would have preferred Mustafa. At least he got added to FEH, I’ll take what I can get.

Special additional shoutouts to Olivia, Sully, Lon’qu, and Yen’fey, they’re also really cool. I do like the other characters (especially Maribelle’s support where she knows how to talk like a sailor) but I’d prioritize these guys on the list.

[adore-gregor]

4, 7, 8, 25

4. Favourite athlete?

Gregor❤️, hands down. He will forever be my favourite athlete, person, everything... he was the first athlete I became a fan of when I was a kid and I have been for 16 years now. It's difficult to put in words but he's so special to me. 🥺 Gregor has been such an inspiration to me, to never give up, to be positive despite any difficulties you're going through, to always be brave enough to be yourself, to stand up for things. He literally helped me so much when I went through some of the worst times in life because he always kept me going and see the positive in things.❤️ Also he has this charming way about him which i love and his humor which always makes me laugh.☺️ And his smile is so infectious that it never fails to make me smile too. 😁 Besides he also seems like a genuinly kind good person and i love and agree with his views on many things. His little interactions with me on social media adds to that it's just so nice of him. So yeah Gregor makes me happy.

His skijumping goes without saying I think. For me he is the 🐐 of skijumping and the best skijumper who ever existed. If we go by world cup victories and I do. Especially it's crazy how young he was when he became world class. (Tbf Takanashi has more world cup victories but I don't like to compare men and women so they're both goats for me🙌)

7. Do you have a comfort athlete?

As answered above mostly Gregor for those reasons.🥰

But there a few other one's as well. Also so this is not too boring with me answering every question with Gregor.😂

Well there are some football players. :) Almost all the Borussia Dortmund players and the Austrian nationalteam. Some more than others 🙈 i guess I also need to mention some other athletes in particular Casper Ruud, Lando Norris, Daniel Ricciardo, Lewis Hamilton, Iga Świątek, Marcus Rashford, Declan Rice, Jadon Sancho. And some players of the Austrian Women's nationalteam. Well those are actually quite a lot haha ^^ but I like their vibes 🥰

8. Athlete crush?

Gregor for one also haha. Which is not why he is my favourite, because he's been so since I was a kid and didn't have a crush on him when I was 6 years old. But he's a very good looking, handsome guy it's not difficult to see why I think.🙈😍

But I have too many athlete crushes 😂😅

Here are some others amongst many...

Most of them are quite famous but if you don't know any of them and ur curious just ask me :)

25. Favourite memory going to a sports event?

Finally seeing Gregor going to the Kulm competition in 2020 🥹❤️ altough the competition itself went horrible for him 😔 so that part wasn't great 💔

Thank you!!🥰🥰

[melonisopod]

Wow I was way off about my guesses for Battle Pass.

A lot of other people suspected Rose Hunter so I’m not taking the credit for that one.

Hex Nail was out of left fucking field though I did not see that coming. I guess this means other previously-exclusive EGOs could make it into the Battle Pass in future seasons.

What’s also neat is the choices: Rodion and Sinclair? And Rodion’s is unique cause she doesn’t do the attacking *herself*, but instead puppeteers a little teddy bear to attack instead. I wonder what it could mean…

(Sinclair’s version has a hoodie and with how he’s sitting he looks so emo…)

(It’s already suspected Hurting Teddy/Hex Nail had to do with abuse/neglect, since it’s an abberation of another Abno similarly about neglect; the Envy affinity seems to imply lashing out at others as a result of one’s own mistreatment, which is why I thought it would feature in Canto 6 because that is ALL of Heathcliff’s business pre-character development. Anyway…)

Hong Lu and Faust? In the Rose Hunter outfits? They look like Bloodborne characters!

(Sinner choices here are leading me to guess Rose Hunter is about feeling as much entrapped in your own “role” as you are determined to place others in their “role.” Faust feeling lost without the Gesellschaft and Hong Lu willingly accepting just about anything thrown at him feels like they mostly accept their given “destiny.” But this one also feels like it should go to Gregor and Meursault too)

(The flower/plant theme makes me think Gluttony, but the focus on adhering to beliefs could mean that it’s Lust as well. They could have different Affinities too)

MEURSAULT FOUR HUNDRED ROSES. MEURSAULT FOUR HUNDRED ROSES LORD MERCY I THIK I HAVE THE PLAGUE

A little sad though he didn’t get to have long flowing hair like Don. But good lord, why’s he so handsome this season? The new ID teased at (Cinq North/West maybe?) looks so fancy on him. Would be interested to see if his new EGO is HE or WAW

Don looks stunning in her new EGO I love her so much. I’m so used to her EGOs looking very silly and “gremliny” but this one looks so different from her usual vibe and I’m not complaining! Much as I”m so scared for what will happen to her (will we ever have our silly gal ever again after this?) I’m kind of hyped to see more of this side of her too.

As for the name of the new EGO…YEARNING MIRCALLA. As in Carmilla’s real name.

(It’s probably going to be Lust because it’s themed around blood and the word “Yearning’ is right in the name, but I hope so badly that it’s Wrath. Wrath being about “lashing out” against one’s own circumstances, often violently, refusal to accept one’s fate, or lashing out because of one’s fate. So maybe the flower that wanted to be small and beautiful but instead became a monster lashes out at its own fate? It’d make the third Wrath EGO Meursault has gotten thus far)

[genericswordsmaiden]

Gosh I was relistening to Gregor's playlist and honestly as far as character playlists go I think it is the best among the ones I made for the Dark main trio. I just love Greg so much, he went from being the character I had most difficulty pinpointing to being this precious thing that I cherish with all my heart. I like Dalo and Howard a lot, of course, but they both take elements of themselves from people who already exist, at least mainly from a personality point of view. Meanwhile I had to create Greg entirely from scratch, the only thing I had for him was Ewan McGregor's handsome face. Writing is truly an amazing thing.

[yesthefandomfreakblr]

Gregor actually giving Ripred a card and a snack for father's day.

My fukking heart. Ripred doesn't know what the holiday is but the gesture hits him like a bus. Cus while it's done in a joking manner, it's still clearly genuine no matter how hard Gregor tries to hide it.

It's a token of appreciation. Acknowledgement. Caring. Of love and trust and a deep bond to be not only considered family but the main authoritative male in Gregor's life. Red laughs and accepts it, messes up the kids hair and is uncharacteristically nice, but it still means so much, and so much more than he thought it would. There's a lot of feelings.

And now jokingly referring to Gregor as his son is absolutely a thing. "How dare you talk to your father that way." About complaining during training. "You are grounded young man, go to your room." On a quest in the middle of nowhere over the dumbest thing. "MY BABY!" Over him tripping. "This is why your mother and I got a divorce." "Don't tell your mother, she'll use it in the custody battle." "Such a handsome young man, you look just like me." -Grace being his ex wife is a running gag she's not aware of. He doesn't know anything about her or her name half the time, and the story always changes. Sometimes the ex wife is Gregor's dad and sometimes it's Temp, that's why Temp has custody of Boots.

Gregor does the same thing in his own respects. "Geez, okay dad." When he's being bossy. "Why don't you and mom love each other anymore?" As a running gag for another BS story. "DAAAAAAD" To tattle on Ares or another quester for the pettiest shit. "Dad, why don't I look like you? I look more like-" "Kid there's a reason we divorced." "Dad I'm not shweepy, can you tell me a bedtime story?" "Aww, of course my honey bunches of beautiful baby boy! Once upon a time there was a little brat who didn't go to bed so he DIED the end, goodnight." Gregor laughing so hard he cries and almost stops breathing.

hello again, back on the note of Gregor's dad and Ripred being penpals spiraling into him being an adopted member of the family and Gregor being REALLY bad at gnawer but trying, can only say a few words.

Ripred's packmates jokingly teach Gregor to say 'dad' and tell him that's what you call a mentor figure you respect/your alpha, and is what he should culturally call Ripred. 'It's totally a big deal and you should, it'll impress him so much.' And they make him practice til he can pronounce that word PERFECTLY.

Oh. My. Gosh!

Yes! I can feel the second hand embarrassment from here.

And I bet it’s Lizzie who finally tells Gregor what that word really means. Or even that he hears Boots using it for their dad. That would be so cute. Hazard probably taught her.

And when Gregor first uses it for Ripred to his face, Ripred is both DyiNg with laughter and kind of touched. Extra points if it’s in a dire situation that Gregor first uses the word and Ripred genuinely thinks he means ‘dad’ and goes into that’s my kid mode to get them out of the situation. Later, Gregor is horrified when he finds out what the term really means. After a while he’s okay with it tho, but only because Ripred really has been acting like his dad lately and he makes everyone swear never to tell Luxa.

Ripred inevitably tells Gregor’s dad of this development and they have a laugh about it. Gregor’s dad is sure to remind Gregor about his other dad on Father’s Day. Gregor is so done.

There’s a whole fic in this idea, someone get on that! And tell me when it’s done because I want to read it!

[unluckyhoneybee]

The Handsome Artist. 8. (Daniel Ricciardo)

Bug eyes. Abi and Danny spend a way more peaceful morning.

MASTERLIST. Moodboard and Playlist.

Previous part: A nice dinner.

Note: Listen to Bug Eyes by Mt. Joy. Pic from here. Obviously this has to be Danny's car in the story because the bi car is iconic.

I opened my eyes at the sound of someone moving only to find Charlotte already dressed on her clothes with her bag hanging from her arm and that white thing on her forehead covering the stitches.

What?.

I was comfortable and warm and I slowly realized how I was cuddling myself inside Dan's jacket. I blushed.

"Good morning, Abi" Charlotte said with a smile. "What are you wearing?"

I lifted an eyebrow.

"Good morning, Charlotte"

"Is that jacket..."

"Yes"

"Oooh. Let's go home so you can tell me everything."

"No, no, no. You sit back there and wait till the doctor comes and..."

She pulled a paper.

"I can leave"

"Oh Charlotte..."

This woman would be the death of me. I got up from the uncomfortable chair and I swear my whole body cracked when I fixed my posture. My cute blue dress was a mess and I should look like shit. But I had Danny's jacket on, which looked huge on me.

"Is it the boy's?"

I nodded.

"He brought you here?"

"We were having dinner when they called"

"Oh shit. Shit, Abi. I'm sorry, honey. Come here"

She gave me a hug. I sighed and hid on her neck.

"Don't scare me like this, Charlotte"

"It won't happen again" She pulled back and cupped my cheeks. "Now, put that hair in a bun, it's a bit messy"

"I wonder why"

We both laughed.

"Do you want me to call a taxi? Arthur's son has started this new..."

"Danny is picking us up."

She looked at me with big eyes.

"Your boy?"

I nodded embarrassed.

"Call him!"

As we left the room I called Danny.

"Hey! Is everything okay? I was waiting for your text"

'Yeah, everything is fine"

"Don't say you are already at home"

"I'm not." I smiled a bit. "We can already leave"

"Perfect. I'll be there soon."

"Don't run. Traffic must be horrible"

"Don't worry. Bye bye"

"Bye"

I hung the called.

"Oh you are so in love"

"I'm not. I barely know him"

We sat outside in a bench and she grabbed my hand.

"But you like him"

I took a deep breath. I couldn't lie to Charlotte.

"I do."

"He likes you."

I shrugged. It was pretty obvious he did.

"He took you here, left his jacket and is on its way to pick you up." He smiled. "I wish I could have found someone like that when I was young"

I chuckled.

"Can I steal yours?" She asked.

"Nop."

We both laughed. I grabbed her arm and laid my head on her shoulder.

"Was he nice yesterday?"

"He took me to his friends' restaurant. And it's full of plants. Really beautiful." I remembered with a smile. Everything about our short dinner was pleasantly craved in my mind. His interest in me, his questions, his hand on mine, his eyes when he talked about his family...

Our little second date had been more than perfect.

"Oh honey..."

She kissed my cheek.

"I don't want it to hurt." I whispered.

"Honey, it will if it has too. But you can't be scared your whole life. It hurt like mad when Robert left. You were too little to remember, but it was awful. I found Gregor, and Carmen then. Only because I didn't fear it. It didn't work with them either. But that's just because it wasn't meant to be. There is someone else out there for me. I know it. Just as there is someone for you. Maybe it's the Handsome Artist or maybe is someone else. But don't fear it. Don't fear love because you have so much to give to the world"

I blinked the tears away and she gently cleaned the one that had fallen.

"I'm so scared"

"I know, I know. But Arnie wouldn't be doing this. It's already a lot."

"You are gonna like him"

She smiled.

"Does he know?"

I shook my head. How could I tell Danny that my ex had messed me so bad that know I was scared of loving him?

We heard a car honking and we both look to the right. I gasped when I saw him climb out of a pink and brilliant car.

"Oh Abi, I already like him"

I chuckled when she got up and walked fast on Danny's direction.

"Charlotte! Slow down! You still have a concussion!"

I got up and followed her.

Daniel was there, he was wearing short shorts and a big oversized T-shirt. He also had a backwards cap and sunglasses. He looked comfy and cute. Cuddly.

"You must be Daniel. You really are as handsome as Molly told me. I can see why..."

"Charlotte!"

"Oh girl... I'm just introducing myself."

Daniel was laughing and slightly blushing. He took his sunglasses of and smiled at me.

"I'm Aunt Charlotte, dear. This one's favorite aunt"

"And the only one" I said.

"Yeah. That too" She laugh. "She always says I give her headaches, but the girl is just a little forest elf and loves silence"

"A little forest elf?" Daniel looked at me with a smile.

"She has been calling me that since I can remember." I walked to them and looked at Charlotte. "This is Danny, Charlotte. The guy who was nice enough to bring me here when you open your head again last night"

She laughed.

"Nice to meet you, Danny. Abigail only talks wonders about you"

"Oooh. She is too nice" Danny touch my hand softly and I blushed.

Oh boy.

Charlotte was the most precious thing I had in my life. She was my aunt, my granny, my mother, my best friend, my shoulder to cry, my mentor. She was everything for me. Letting people in like this was hard. She loved everyone, she was fast with bonds. And I didn't want her to start loving someone only for them to leave later. This wasn't ideal. It wasn't how I would have liked to do it. But that's life. It wasn't going that bad at the end.

"Oh, she left again. She does it often. Has plenty of space in that mind of hers. Her little own world."

I blinked twice.

"I was saying that he has to stay for breakfast. He must. I'm not accepting a no, Daniel."

"Okay, okay"

Yeah, the would be friends soon.

"Let's go. The carriage awaits"

Charlotte walked to the car, loving colorful and bright things.

"Pink car?" I asked Danny.

He smiled and nodded proudly.

"Cool?"

"Meh"

"You hurt me"

I chuckled.

"It's really cool, Danny. Unique. So unique"

"It's a magnet for girls" He said pointing at Charlotte, who was already sat on the front passenger seat.

"Yeah, you already won her" I said smiling.

I tried to walk to the car, but he took my hand.

"Is she okay?"

I nodded.

"Perfect. Another scare"

"And you?" He thread his fingers with mine and touched the neck of my (his) jacket.

I smiled.

"I'm okay. I just feel as if I had slept on a hospital chair."

He chuckled.

"Well... We couldn't finish our date but Charlotte invited me to breakfast so... It's okay for you?"

I took a deep bread and nodded with a smile.

"Of course"

I had to sit on the back, admiring the not so discreet car who was actually the coolest car. Charlotte was speaking nonstop and Daniel was more than happy to listen.

"Yeah, Abigail sometimes get angry. She can be a bit grumpy..."

"I get angry because you shouldn't do all that stuff."

"No fighting in my pink car, girls"

"Listen to you boy, honey. No fighting. I was just picking a pot. It wasn't my fault that it fell on my head."

"A pot fell in your head!"

Danny POV.

It was actually funny. They were polar opposites. Charlotte was energetic, she hadn't stop talking and had a scandalous personality. Abi was calm, quiet and soft. They wore similar clothes. Unmatched, different patterns convined but the older with more brilliant colors while Abi chose more pale ones. It's was as if they were both faces of the same coin.

I could see her sitting in the back of my car each time I looked through the mirror. She had a smile on her face and always had a sarcastic comment for her Aunt's antics.

Charlotte was the one supposed to guide me, but she always forgot to give me directions. Instead, I had Abi softly touching my shoulder and telling me where to turn.

"Right there!" It was the only indication she gave me.

The woman had a concussion and stitches on her forehead but moved as a kid. It was a particular person. She opened the door and then went inside. I looked at Abi as she got out of the car and sighed. My jacket looked big on her, it almost covered her short blue dress. Her hair was in a messy bun. She was so pretty. So fucking pretty.

I followed her and carefully touched her waist. Last night was probably one of the best nights I had spent with someone. Even if it was short. I felt it. I saw how there was something there.

"Difficult?"

"It's hard to raise an adult"

I laughed.

"She can be too much, she doesn't have a filter. So... If something bothers you, please say it. She understands and..."

I cut her with a quick kiss on her cheek. I had already seen her spiraling into anxious thoughts many times.

"It's fine, really." I whispered. Her checks turned pink.

"Okay..."

She guided me upstairs. The place looked exactly how I would have imagined it. Packed with lots of things, random furniture and of course plants. More plants than I could count.

"Welcome home, Danny! Abi makes the best pancakes ever. And I have already set the coffee machine."

How?

"You invited him, why do I have to cook?"

"You win a man's heart by winning his stomach first"

Abi groaned and walked away. Charlotte laughed and I could just giggle. She was cute.

She took my jacket off and carefully hang it on a chair. It was one of my favorite jackets but I was more than willing to give it to her of it meant to watch her wearing it.

"I will cook. But only because you have to rest."

She disappeared in the short corridor.

"That's her room. She still sleeps here sometimes. We have dinner together every week at least 4 times. I can't just let my little girl go that easily. Molly comes often so you are invited too. Her friends are my friends."

"Thank you Charlotte"

I felt more than welcome on the little family.

"Are you a nice guy, right?"

I looked at the woman. She was dead serious for the first time.

"Yes"

"I didn't warned the others. So I feel like I should warn you."

The others...

"Don't hurt her. Don't you dare to hurt my girl because she is too good for this world."

I swallowed. How would I hurt her?

"What did she told you? You are pale"

She was there. She was wearing a huge t-shirt from Willson & Co. Paints and Decorations.

I shook my head. Charlotte caressed my arm and walked to the kitchen.

"If she..."

"Abigail. Stop worrying" I pushed her slightly and she took me to the kitchen.

She was soon cooking her pancakes as Charlotte and I observed her.

Abigail was playing music. Mt Joy. Bug Eyes. Meybe she was thinking we were not paying attention. Or maybe she didn't care. But she was moving her body at the sound of the music and muttering the lyrics softly.

On the day you left I could tell by your text

That you were gonna ruin my life

Cause bug eyes get a good look at the windshield

"It's her favorite song. She adores it. Since the moment it came out. Good mood, bad mood. That's her song" Charlotte whispered.

I looked at Abi and let it sink.

And in that water, dark dark water

Eyes could see no farther than my hands

You said you wanted a plan

May you always look forward

And may all your love be returned

There will be peace

There will be light on you

There will be colors

For you to come home too, yeah

I'm always waiting for you girl

I'm always waiting

So maybe I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait

And maybe I'll wait too long

You were the first but you won't be the last

If I keep traveling on

Always look forward

And may all your love be returned

Hold on tight, I think I might

Have wasted all my time on fear

But if I were, would you be so rude

And tell me what I have to hear?

Let it kill, let it

Alright

But are we

Alright?

Let it kill, let it learn, let it lie

Let it fall out of the corner of your eye

I live out on the range now

But I can't complain

I had everything

Alright

But are we, are we alright?

Let it kill, let it learn, let it lie

Let it fall out of the corner of your eye

To live and die and see the world through someone else's eye

To live and die and see the world through someone else's eye

I live out on the range but I can't complain, I had everything

Alright

And then are we, are we alright?

Let it kill, let it learn, let it lie

Let it fall out of the corner of your eye

To live and die and see the world through someone else's eye

I felt heavy, I felt light. I just wanted to get up and hug her, to sway slowly with the music and her. To promise I would always be there. To promise her all the love I had.

But then Charlotte grabbed my arm and pulled me closer.

"She likes you a lot. It has been so long since I've seen her like this. She just need a lot of love back. She needs to be loved and taken care of."

"I can hear you whisper, Charlotte" Abigail muttered without turning.

"So...your friends have a restaurant." Charlotte said changing the subject.

I was even shaking.

"Yes. One of them has also a pub down the beach."

"Oh, that's fantastic. We have to go some time"

I heard Abi's soft laugh and then the sound of the pancake cooking.

"And you are from Australia? Which part? I met a guy from Australia once. The seventies. He was a sufer" She winked at me. "It seems like we have a type"

I laughed.

"Charlotte..."

"What!?"

"Oh jeez." They were so fun together.

"I won't cook pancakes for you"

"The doctor said..."

"The doctor said you should stop picking pits from high selves"

"He did not"

"He did, you were asleep. He even wrote it down. Just check the papers."

I loved this version of her. She was calm. No nerves. No diving deep in thoughts. Just her being all cute and sarcastic.

I'm falling so hard. So so hard.

I was just praying for her to not leave.

"Here. For Danny because he is a good boy and doesn't pick things he should not"

I laughed when she laid the plate in front of me.

"Can I help?"

She looked at me and smiled softly.

"Fill the cups with coffee. Charlotte likes hers with not much milk. But I love it with..."

"Lots of milk." I didn't even knew the first time. It had just been a coincidence but she had loved it.

She nodded and smiled.

"Exactly. Two spoons of sugar for both of us. And just get for yourself what you like most"

I nodded.

"You are cute guys"

Abigail looked down and blushed. I just wanted to hug her and gave her a thousand kisses.

"Does you family live here?" Charlotte asked once we were having breakfast. The woman was sitting next to me and Abigail in front of me.

Somehow I felt this all was real. I felt as if we were a thing. As if this was something we did usually. I wanted all of this.

"No. They live in Perth. They are visiting soon"

"Oh! That's so nice" Charlotte exclaimed. "And you are a tattoo artist? I always wanted to get one"

Abigail gasped.

"Did you?"

"Yes"

"Abi knows where to find me so..."

"Oh fantastic!"

Abigail smiled.

They were awesome.

"When this one here showed me shw would get one I couldn't believe it at first. She has like a thousand earrings right?"

I nodded. Her ears were full of little silver rings and each time I had seen her she had worn some different on the lobe.

"She cried."

I gasped. Abigail was covering her face.

"She was sixteen when she got the first one. That one" She pointed her tragus piercing. "I went with her because I was the responsible adult. She cried, Daniel!"

"Well, she behaved so well when I tattooed her. It hurts right?"

Abigail nodded. She was blushing.

"So bad"

"She was brave"

She looked down her breakfast and drank from the mug.

Beautiful, beautiful girl.

"Not even a single tear?"

"Nope. All strong and brave. One of the strongest"

"Oh stop..."

"She is shy, Danny." Charlotte elbowed me.

"Charlotte..."

I reached my hand and pinched her warm cheek, making her blush even more.

"Are tattoos as addictive as they say?" Charlotte asked.

I pushed my chair back and showed then my thigh.

"I started only with the front one, and now look at this"

"Oh! What a beautiful thing!"

I looked at Abi. She was looking at my leg, biting her lip and with rossy cheeks.

That's good, right?

"I like the flower" She said.

The flower was almost on my knee.

"Yeah?"

She nodded with a tiny smile.

"Do you want more?" Charlotte said turning to Abi.

She looked at me as I sat.

"I don't know. I haven't thought much about it."

"You should get a flower too. You love flowers" Charlotte insisted.

Abi laughed and shook her head.

"Which flower"

I lift my eyebrows.

"Um... Almond."

Abi bit her lip.

"Why almonds?"

"You mum liked them a lot"

Abi's face changed for a second, then she tried to hide it.

I stayed still, not moving and waiting for an answer. Then she looked at me.

"Could you?"

I nodded.

The door bell interrupted us and Abi was fast to go and open. Charlotte looked at me again.

I was ready for another warning or deep advice about her niece.

"How do you find her?"

"Like... As a person?"

She nodded.

"Unique. I think. Different from others I met"

She smiled.

"That's how I raised her. She makes an impact, doesn't she?"

I nodded. The girl was stuck in my mind since moment one.

"What do you like about her?"

I swallowed. Difficult question.

"We could be done sooner if you asked what I don't like about her"

"Tell me then"

I felt my whole body go cold. Was there something?

"She sometimes seems to be scared of me."

"Oh honey, that's not her fault. Just show her she should not"

And whose fault is it? What the fuck did the others did to her?

"Where is my favorite aunt!?"

Molly appeared through the door, followed by Abigail, who was fast to get some pancakes for her friend too.

Molly kissed Charlotte's cheek and then looked at me.

"And how are you?"

"Good, I'm good."

Abigail turned to me and gave me a weird look.

Then Molly started asking questions to Charlotte and I got up.

"Hey..." I whispered.

"What did she said?"

"No-"

"I don't buy it"

"She warned me."

"Fuck..."

"Then she asked me what I like about you"

She looked up.

"Sorry, she is so intense. So is Molly. I don't know how I keep up with them"

I smiled.

"Maybe it was a training for when I met you" She whispered and then bit her lip. She closed her eyes and let her head fall. No filter Abi was back.

"Is it good?"

She nodded.

"It's good. I can manage intense people well. You have lots of energy, which I don't so... Yeah. I'm ready."

That's good, right? It means she is good with me.

"Just don't try to lower yourself because of me. My therapist says it is horrible to change yourself for someone else. I'm not doing it now. I'm showing the real Abi, so show the real Daniel because I don't want surprises later."

"Fine, yes. I will. I promise."

I looked at the two woman sitting on the table. They were looking, probably hearing. Abi was so comfortable around them that she had talked about something like this in front of them.

Molly winked at me and I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"What has she done?"

"She notice everything Danny. She may be quiet, but she is like a little spy."

"A little forest elf"

"I hate you all and I won't pancakes for any of you ever again"

We all laughed.

I felt at home with them. They were a little family. They loved and appreciated each other. They breathe so much love and it made me happy.

But it left me with so much to think about. With so many memories and stuff going around my head. So many doubts.

I find this a kind of messy chapter. I just wanted to write something domestic and show more how Abigail is. I think I did it write.

Next part: The Ricciardos.

[0junemeatcleaver0]

For the VC NSFW thing: Gregory and Lestat

Gregory/Lestat (background Louis/Lestat and Nicki/Lestat) Rating: E Featuring: Greg laying it on thick, body worship, Lestat being egotistical and self conscious (as he do), Lestat comparing Gregory to his other lovers. Me hoping I did well with this because I've not written a lot of Gregory and taking on this ship kinda threw me for a loop lol

𝕄𝕪 𝕃𝕚𝕖𝕘𝕖

For all his posturing about being so handsome and charming--the most irresistible creature to ever walk this earth--Lestat still has a hard time fathoming exactly how he ended up in this situation.

"...And these strong, glorious thighs, my Liege. So perfect." Gregory breathes against the skin of Lestat's inner thigh--kissing his way up. His feet, calves, and opposite thigh had gotten the same treatment and with every centimeter closer to his groin Gregory's beard scrapes, Lestat's head fogs further.

"Yes, they are rather strong, aren't they?" His voice sounds far away even to himself.

He knew, of course, that Gregory held him in high esteem. But he'd seen no evidence that Mr. Duff Collingsworth felt anything for him beyond simple respect.

What an absolutely pleasant surprise when Gregory had knocked on the door of his royal quarters--beard left unshaven especially for the occasion--politely requesting to show his appreciation for everything Lestat has done for their kind.

"And these hands," Gregory announces, holding one reverently to press a kiss to Lestat's palm, "Elegant yet capable. Hands that have--"

"Please, Gregory," Lestat cuts him off, hoping that he's not blushing. He knows he's gorgeous. What does he need, hearing it over and over again? He grasps himself by the base of the cock with his free hand, sort of waving himself at Greg's face where it hovers a few inches away. "If you really want to show your appreciation..."

Gregory's fingers lock with Lestat's around his shaft as he bends his head, flicking his tongue teasingly against the head before planting a sucking, wet kiss there.

"Ah, mon Dieu!" Lestat curses softly, falling back to rest on his elbows as he watches Gregory take him deeper into his mouth. He's good at this, swallowing him down again and again, eyes locked on Lestat under his thick lashes. Gregory swallows around him and Lestat nearly jumps out of his skin.

It isn't a hurried pace by any means, but it's also faster and more precise than Lestat is accustomed to. Louis likes to take a leisurely pace, meandering. The scenic route. Likes to do something he knows Lestat enjoys one moment before switching to something more experimental the next, just seeing what kind of reaction it'll elicit. Some nights it can take Louis upwards of 45 minutes before he decides to knuckle down and focus on making Lestat come.

But Gregory finds out what Lestat likes as quickly as he can and then sticks with it--taking the head into the snug of his throat, pulling back to suckle at the head, further still to flick his tongue against the slit--and it has Lestat nearly in fits in only a handful of minutes.

"Oh, stop or I'll--"

Do it, my Liege. Gregory instructs silently. I only wish to make you feel good.

Oh, that does it. Had it been Louis in Gregory's place, he would have given Lestat that affectionately bemused face he loves so much--makes him want to kiss over his face again and again--before pulling back to switch tract, teasing Lestat for being so eager.

It's like his body responds directly to Gregory's instruction and he's suddenly letting go--shaft pulsing in Greg's fist as he pulls off with a pop, eyes closed as Lestat's release splatters his face. Lestat gasps, fighting the urge to let his eyes roll back as he watches his come paint Gregor's face--across his cheekbone, up the bridge of his nose. It glistens where it's caught in the hair above his lip and in his eyelashes.

"Like diamonds," Lestat breathes to himself, pushing a lock of hair out of Gregory's face.

"Thank you, Your Highness." Gregory kisses the crease of skin where thigh meets groin and moves to stand, turning towards the door.

Lestat grasps him by the wrist, keeping him in place. "Where are you going?" His tone is somewhere between hard and needy, an embarrassing blend of the two.

But he can't help himself, it's just how he gets. He's always been this way, even with Nicki. There were nights where Nicki flat out refused to have sex with him, knowing that Lestat's stamina as bottom much outlasted his stamina as a top--that once you coax one orgasm from him, he's going to want another, want to be folded in half and taken hard until he can take the pleasure no longer.

Gregory raises a brow at him, part surprised, part teasing. "Wherever you want me, I'll go, my Liege."

Lestat stretches back and spreads his legs, bringing a hand down to stroke a fingertip over his entrance. "Here. I want you here, Gregory."

He's not certain if it's the forwardness of the statement or the pornography playing out in front of him that has Gregory practically tripping over himself to prep Lestat in record time. Again, it was a thing Louis would typically draw out, insisting on using three fingers on him no matter how relaxed he is, reapplying lube several times until Lestat is well and truly ready.

The stretch is accompanied by a bit of a sting when Gregory slides in, pushing a moan out of his Prince's throat. "Ah, yes, very good Gregory."

His eyes follow the line of Greg's throat when he swallows--the bob of his adam's apple, pulse thumping in his neck. He's tasted Gregory's blood before--can still feel it sliding thick over his tongue if he concentrates hard enough. He counter-thrusts, bringing his hips down hard against Gregory's--wrapping a leg around the older man and planting the other foot for leverage, setting the pace as he continues to stare at Greg's neck.

"Would you like...?" He gasps his offer, allowing Lestat to pull him in closer until he's panting against his throat.

"Yes," Lestat breathes, sinking his fangs in and moaning at the blood that floods his mouth.

[rainbowstrashpile]

I can’t write but I’ve been struck by an idea of a random vampire visiting the household and thinking that Guillermo is a reincarnation of his long dead lover and Nandor getting SUPER JEALOUS over this strange vampire making all the moves

Ooohhh this is such a good idea! If I wasn't busy with another fic...That being said if anybody wants to take a crack at this feel free to go hog wild of course.

I like the idea that it happens at the dinner party we saw in episode 9 while Nandor is trying to super slumber but Guillermo is dummy thicc and the clap of his ass keeps waking Nandor. Now what should our oc look like? It's some tall and built handsome guy with long dark hair (Guillermo has a type imo) who immediately freezes when he sees Guillermo and holds both of his hands in his.

"It's you!"

And at first Guillermo is trying to pull his hands away like "yeah, it's me. Can I help you?"

And the guy is like, "You don't understand! I had thought you lost to me for all time. Yet here you stand, air in your lungs and flesh on your bones. You were my most beloved, all those years ago! When I was still a mortal man I pledged my love to you and only you. We were poor but we were happy. But one night I was stolen away by a vampire and turned. I didn't think you could love what I had become. And in your despair, thinking you had been abandoned, you died of a broken heart. From then on I swore I would wander the earth alone as a punishment. I deserved an eternity of suffering, for causing you such pain."

Nadja, unknown to everyone else, is poking her head in like wtf is taking Gizmo so long this evening needs to go perfectly, and sees a vampire pledging his undying love to him. And she's like fuuuuuuuck if Nandor wakes up and sees Gizmo in this guy's lap he's gonna fucking lose it. The only people in the whole world who don't know they're in love are Nandor and Gizmo themselves. Everything is going to be ruined if he randomly comes downstairs and goes ape shit she doesn't care about his feelings it's just that she has a lot riding on tonight

Meanwhile our OC is already down on one knee like, "Now that we are together once again, it would kill me to let you go. Please, I beg of you, forsake this mortal coil, and join me for all eternity!"

And Guillermo is like, "oh this is happening very quickly I need a minute could you just give me like a second." And goes to hyperventilate somewhere private for a moment because on one hand, he'd be stupid not to vampire marry this guy. He's handsome and already very in love. But he's seen that go south with Nadja and Jeff already. And like, what if Guillermo isn't anything like the guy who he was in love with? Like Jeff wasn't like Gregor? And he doesn't even know this guy! What if he kind of sucks or something? And he's still in love with Nandor!

But Nandor is being a just an unbelievably selfish asshole right now. And maybe the worst thing that can happen is Guillermo gets to be a vampire and it doesn't work out with this guy and they part ways. No big deal right?

Meanwhile, Nadja is upstairs waking Nandor up like, "Knock knock you stupid bitch guess what? Someone is going to sweep Gizmo off his little feet and out of your life forever if you don't get up and shoot your shot."

And for a hot second he's like, "I don't care I'm slumbering whatever."

And Nadja just goes well fair warning I told you. Your little peach boy isn't going to be here when you wake up like you wanted. And Nandor is like fine I will take just a peak. Just to make sure.

Lo and behold there's some vampire following Guillermo around like, "I beseech you my beloved, take my hand and we shall away from this terrible place!"

Nandor is like, "Now wait one fucking minute!"

And you get the scene where Nadja is like, "Oooohhh, you! I totally and completely thought you were dead because I did such a thorough and good job of killing you. I guess you're alive but not at all mad at me or anything like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And also you're going to let me continue to run the vampiric council because while you're not busy you should admit you weren't good at it."

Anyway, Nandor and the OC end up doing increasingly stupid feats of strength for Guillermo's hand. Something just brain meltingly stupid like who can eat the most batteries. Colin Robinson makes them lipsync (it's his birthday he gets to choose one of the challenges). Who can hold silver the longest. Guillermo has to stop them from having a who can drink the most holy water challenge. The climax of which is Guillermo going, "Why should I stay with you when I have this guy who is clearly in love with me? You're just going to go into a super slumber right? It's not like you'll miss me or anything! So it's no big deal. It's not like you're also in love with me or anything."

And then Nandor finally has to admit to himself that yes, he's in love with Guillermo and if he doesn't say it now he's going to lose him. And probably have to see him at the vampire orgies and that will be super weird. So he says, "Fine, I love you."

Anyway our OC is like "I will prove I love you the most!" And chugs holy water and like, explodes. So problem solved! Nandor wins by default and by admitting his feelings!

[yesthefandomfreakblr]

G U Y S I’M ONTO SOMETHING

Ares, when gregor isn’t around, has no one. sure luxa and aurora do their best but he just feels like he can’t/shouldn’t be a burden to them or be selfish by dumping all of his problems on them(this is horribly toxic thinking if you experience this GET. HELP. you are NOT a burden and you DESERVE LOVE.)

but back to the sad fictional bat: Ares just has no one. he finds he’s most comfortable alone, although rather lonely... but well, chased to the outskirts to hunt due to ostracizing from his peers, he runs into Ripred doing the same thing and Ares, while apologizing for trespassing finally just breaks.  The gnawer asks what he’s bawling about and it all just comes tumbling out.

After a good long time of just gushing out all the pent up pressure, Ares shifts uncomfortably and apologizes again. He thanks the older rat for listening and being so kind when Ares had done nothing for him. Ripred cuts him off. “Ares you have been invaluable on every quest you’ve been apart of. and even aside from that, you are a friend. I like you actually, you keep your head on your shoulders and out of those prophecies.” there’s more to it but that’s what I write down. Ares just shakes his head. “you’d be the first to think so.”  “dear bat I doubt that, luxa and her flier quite admire you. the boy loves you to pieces. but of course there’s only so much it can do. especially when they’re around so little.” Ares nods. “you are a good friend, Ripred. thank you.” The gnawer almost smiles. “I sure will be.” and leaves the bat bewildered. but with a mixture of fear and hope. Ripred’s tender moments are rare. being around him often could make everything worse. he’d be even MORE ridiculed for associating with a gnawer, and he could just get a whole new layer of abuse added to his plate. or... or maybe Ripred could be his friend? they understood each other to a degree. both ostracized by their peers and alone, abused and depressed. scraping at the bottom. but Ripred didn’t care what anyone else thought, right? He surely wasn’t pining for affection. but... maybe he was a little lonely too.

Ares returns home with a bit of weight lifted off his chest. he’d finally talked about his problems... and hadn’t been ridiculed. he’d been comforted and validated. what a beautiful feeling.

a week or so later, Ares is training in the arena. alone. he was the only bat without a rider and ajax constantly reminded him about the empty space on his shoulders and in his heart. He knew he was top of his class in strength, speed, and near top on agility. but it was never enough. he was always ‘stupid.’ ‘clumsy’ and ‘arrogant.’ whatever. all the flier’s suddenly stop. a gnawer approaches the entrance. It’s Ripred, as per usual to meet with the council and royal family. everyone is wary and Ares ignores him. ajax goes with his bond to greet their guest but the rat brushes them off like last nights stand.

he looks up. “Ares!” he calls “Ares my swift death on dark wings, my epitome of aerodynamics!” The entire arena stops. all eyes on Ares. he felt himself shrink into his fur and flush with embarrassment and rage. the last thing he needed was more attention. especially for this. was this his way of being a friend? humiliating him? Ares, as professionally as possible, coasts down to see what the old rager could want with him.

Ripred just... talks to him. and coaxes ares to talk back. he almost completely ignores vikus and solavet. he even insults ajax to his face, berating and belittling him until the large red flier visibly cowers. that’s his specialty. he attacks ruthlessly and furiously about his abuse towards Ares. and the smaller fliers inferiority to him. Ares literally begs him to stop. the rat is having too much fun. after his meetings Ripred finds Ares again, and even drags him to dinner in the great hall. Ripred can actually be rather charming and kind. and Ares actually talks tenfold what he normally does, speaking in real sentences. 

months go by and the two keep in touch. Ripred visits the flier’s hunting grounds often, and the Arena as well. Ares visits him too. at first ares tries to avoid him, given that the rat is very loud and boastful about his big buff handsome flier friend. calling him pet names and advertising his infinite endeering qualities to any regalian or flier in earshot. 

but Are can’t help but laugh and smile. it honestly feels kinda good to joke with someone and have them care, have the be proud of him. the abuse over it fades and he starts being recognized as the trusted friend of the most dangerous creature in the underland. Ares only gets stronger as he occasionally carries his new friend around and they even did a training session together. no one could deny his impossible strength. Ripred won’t shut up about his incredibly studly bat babe and Ares just gets used to it. he talks more, he laughs more he moves in with ripred’s gang and even has a group of bat friends. but he will always spend his nights in Ripred’s den and hunt with his pack. 

He learns to speak gnawer and knows the deadlands like no bat ever has. Ares befriends all 32 of the gnawers in their possey and they all share a slightly sadistic sense of humor. they laugh and joke together and protect eachother. He heals emotionally and learns to let peoples words roll off his shoulders in a healthy way. and there will always be bad people who are cruel to him but with Ripred’s protection and influence, it becomes less and less. 

Living with the pack Ares gets to know pearlpelt. and they have more in common than they thought. loneliness, abuse, and deep rooted mistrust. Ares becomes a mediator between Ripred and the pup. Ripred lets it happen. as long as Ares helps babysit. Ares adopts pearlpelt full time but forces Ripred to help. there’s arguing there’s fighting but for the pup and future of the underland. and for their unspoken bond. they make it work. With Ares help a huge load is taken off of Ripred and he pushes himself to be more patient and kind.

they train together and talk together and ares even sleeps with the pup to help comfort him. He listens to his trauma. he teaches him rhymes and all about the humans and fliers. the good and the bad. he makes sure pearlpelt won’t blame them for what happened to him. he gets it into his head that his white coat and massive size are a mere coincidence of the double Y chromosome and albanism. Prophecies are dumb. he gets there before twirltongue and helps him see through her deception. Ares, in trying to train the pup to survive, is endlessely patient and affectionate. Pearlpelt will never go a day without someone saying ‘I love you’ or giving him a hug. because he knows what it does to your head. Ripred and Ares actually co-parent the bane. it doesn’t get between them. Ripred and Ares still fly talk, and laugh together. Pearlpelt quickly becomes too big for Ares to carry, but pearlpelt works harder than ever so he can carry his big black friend. Ares brings him human food from Regalia (as well as ripred, can’t forget his bestie) And the bane grows up a lot more stable and a lot more open minded and informed. Pearlpelt will never accept the humans. but he will not fight ares. he even meets luxa. they talk. they hear eachother’s pasts. they feel an understanding. they argue but come to an agreement.  Ripred is always there to jeer and coo over him and Ares does it back. Ares and Ripred still visit regalia once a month for dinner and they bring pearlpelt with them. only after solavet dies of ‘mysterious causes’ all species start to form bonds and a multi city city is built. the dam is rebuilt and the garden of hesperdes is restored. pearlpelt matures and mellows out into the perfect hybrid of his two adopted dads. Aes goes from glossy black to silver and finds it difficult to fly. pearlpelt carries him wherever he wants and often to his own den to play with the heirs to the gnawer throne. ripred a lighter shade, is always with him. you’d thin they were bonded or married by how they smiled and talked or just sat in silence together. they are both less afraid and less lonely.

everything is a little more alright...

[pitubea1910]

The truth

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 9k

Warnings: -

Tags: -

Request: -

Masterlist

Your best friend Dianna was always talking you into every single plan she thought of. It didn’t matter if it was a movie, an exhibition or a sudden trip to Las Vegas for the opening of a new casino. She always convinced you. Although, let’s be honest, you didn’t put much effort into saying no.

The last one was a couple of days ago and you had gone to one of those ‘pep-talk’ things that were supposed to be motivational or inspiring or whatever. You had seen some videos of these meetings on YouTube but you had never been to one. Until that moment.

The speaker was some guy named Gregor Formach. The topic? Happiness.

At first you thought he was just some kind of Mr Wonderful that would paint everything pink and tell you that if you focused hard enough, you could accomplish everything you wanted. So you didn’t pay much attention at first. Not until that sentence appeared on the big screen: when was the last time you were happy?

“Hey, are you okay?” Dianna asked you, a couple of days later, when you were at a bar downtown having a few drinks after work at your usual place.

“Yeah, why?” You asked, playing with the straw of your cocktail.

“You seem off”, she said with narrowed eyes. “You’ve been off for a couple of days now, what’s going on?”

“Nothing really”, you shrugged. “I guess I’m just tired.”

“That’s not what my Diansense tells me”, she said.

You couldn’t stop a smile from appearing on your face.

Since the moment you met her, six years ago at a karaoke bar, you had always loved how perceptive she was. It wasn’t just that she paid a lot of attention to the small details. She had a gift, a way of knowing when something was going on. And she never failed.

“I was just thinking about the motivational thing we went to the other day”, you finally said.

“The Mr Wonderful thing?” She asked and you nodded. “What about it?”

“When was the last time I was happy?” You asked.

“What?” She frowned. “I thought you were happy.”

“I thought so to, but his talk kept me thinking and I don’t think I really am, you know?” You said. “I think I’m just content with my life, but I feel like there’s something missing.”

“Something like…?” She asked and you shrugged. “Don’t you think that he just got a little bit inside your head? That’s kind of his job.”

“Maybe. I don’t know”, you sighed. “It’s a weird feeling.”

“Maybe what you need is a stronger drink”, she said with a smile, making you smile as well. “I’ll get you one.”

“No! It’s okay, don’t worry”, you tried to stop her but she was already getting up.

“I’m buying some happiness for my best friend and you’re not stopping me”, she said taking her wallet from her purse.

You already knew better that trying to stop her, so you just let her walk to the bar. Maybe she was right. Maybe you were just overthinking. It had had been a couple of rough weeks lately. Too much work, your mum being all over you with her new boyfriend and wondering when you were going to get one and your brother’s wedding coming up. You guessed it was just a lot and, like Dianna said, that guy had just got into your head. You were happy, you had a pretty decent life going on, what was not to be happy about?

“You have no idea who I have just seen across the bar!” Dianna said when she came back with two new cocktails. You looked at her, waiting. “Bucky!”

“What?” Immediately, you looked around.

It wasn’t hard to spot him among the crowd and, the moment you did, your heart skipped a bit and you looked away, afraid that he would see you.

“What is he doing here?” You asked.

“It’s Friday night”, Dianna said. “I guess superheroes get happy hour as well, right? Why don’t you go and say hi? It’s been ages.”

“No”, you shook your head.

“Didn’t you guys used to be best friends?” She asked.

“Sort of”, you shrugged.

“Then? C’mon! He will be happy to see you”, she insisted.

“I’m not doing it, D”, you said. “It was a long time ago and he’s obviously busy”, you said pointing at the girl next to him.

“That’s Wanda Maximoff, you idiot!” Dianna laughed. “Scarlet Witch.”

“Oh…” you mumbled and took another look. Now that you knew who she was, her face looked kind of familiar.

“To be a journalist, you don’t really know much about news”, Dianna said.

“I don’t write news, you idiot”, you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, right, I forgot”, she said.

You worked at a magazine and all you did was writing articles about different topics. Most of them, had to do with different things about feminism but none of them had ever been about a superhero.

“Maybe you should do one about them”, Dianna commented. “What’s more empowering for women than being a superhero?”

“Not my kind of article”, you shrugged. “Maybe I should pitch it to Jackie”, you frowned.

“No! That bitch is not taking my idea. Either you do it, or no one does”, she said, making you laugh. “I still think you should go and say hi.”

“Well, I’m not doing it”, you shrugged.

“What the hell happened between you two?” Dianna asked.

“Nothing”, you said. “We just lost contact.”

But you knew that was one of the biggest lies you had ever told.

What really happened was what uses to happen to many friendships: love. More precisely: not being loved back.

You and Bucky met years ago and your friendship was one of a kind. You could talk to him about anything, you could tell him everything and he would never judge you or be mad at you. You could talk things through, he would give you advise. He was like the brother you never had. Or so you told yourself.

By the time you realised that how you felt about him was way deeper than friendship, it was already too late. It was when he walked in the coffee where you usually had breakfast holding that girl’s hand. Francesca. When he introduced her as his girlfriend, it felt like your world had just been split in half. Although it was just your heart. Your heart shattered in a million pieces when he told you all about how they had met some weeks ago and it had just clicked for them.

And it also clicked for you. How you felt about him, how much you loved him and the way you did it. It was too late to say anything. He loved Francesca. You could see it in his eyes every time he talked about her or every time he was with her. At first, you thought you could just pretend that everything was okay, but soon you realised your feelings for him were so strong that it made it impossible for you to keep on putting a smile on your face.

That is why you took one of the hardest decisions of your life: to let him go. You wanted to talk to him but there was no lie that was good enough to explain why you needed to walk away. So you just did it without any explanation. You just stopped texting him back, you stopped meeting up with him and started avoiding him at all costs. He even showed up at your apartment once, but you didn’t even open the door. Maybe that was when he stopped trying. And even if it broke your heart -which it did-, you knew it was for the best.

“You could get in touch again”, Dianna said. “I mean, he’s just there!”

“Can you stop it?” You sighed.

“Okay, fine”, she sighed. “But I think he would be really happy to see you”, she added before taking a sip from her drink.

You shook your head but said nothing else. Slowly, you turned your head to look at him again. He had cut his hair, it was now short, which made his features even more noticeable. He was as handsome was always and he had that beautiful smile that you died for.

Used to die for, you corrected yourself.

“By the way, how are things with Callie?” You asked your friend.

“Oh I think is going good”, she frowned. You raised both eyebrows at her. “I think she’s holding back, you know? Ever since I told her I’m bi, something is off.”

“Do you think it’s because of that?” You asked.

“I don’t know…”, she frowned. “Maybe?”

“You should ask her. I mean… if you really want to be with her”, you said.

“I guess… Maybe I will call her tomorrow”, she said.

“You definitely should do that. I think she’s great”, you said getting up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Your trip to the bathroom was longer than you expected since there was a bit of line to get in. Luckily, you had taken your phone with you, so you waited while you checked your Instagram feed. There was nothing new to see: most people’s stories were partying. Same old Friday stuff.

You locked your phone and looked at the bar. Now that you knew that Bucky was there, it was making you paranoid. What if just walked into the men bathroom and saw you? What would you do? It had been so many years since you last saw him. Well, not that many. Only three. But it felt like ages ago.

As you remembered all those times with him, a smile appeared on your face. Was that the last time you were happy? When he was in your life?

You shook your head and unlocked the phone again, not allowing your mind to go down that road that would lead absolutely nowhere.

Finally, you went back to the table you were sharing with Dianna, only this time there was a person occupying the third chair. At first, you thought it some D’s friend. Since she worked in publicity, she knew a lot of people. But then you saw the arm and stopped in your tracks. The metal arm. Bucky. How did she dare?

“Finally!” Dianna said as soon as she spotted you. “What took you so long?”

Bucky turned his head to look at you and the whole world stopped. His blue eyes piercing through yours as a small smile appeared on his mouth. Your head was spinning, your mouth was dry and you couldn’t find anything to say.

“Look who stopped by”, Dianna said with a huge smile.

You knew her. She had gone and talked to him.

“Hey there”, Bucky said getting up.

He was even taller than in your memory.

“Hi”, you finally managed to mumble.

“You know, (Y/N), I am going to call Callie actually”, Dianna said.

You took your eyes off Bucky to see your friend gathering her things as she got up. Oh no, she wasn’t doing this.

“Where are you going?” You asked frowning.

“I’m going to give her a call”, she smiled.

“And you need your coat and purse to do that?” You asked, starting to panic.

“Well, it’s cold outside. It what happens in New York during January. And my phone is in my purse, so yeah. I need my stuff”, she said. “And it’s not like I’m leaving you alone, you silly.”

Before you had time to keep protesting, she just took off towards the door and went out. You knew her well enough. Maybe she was calling Callie, but she wasn’t coming back. Which meant you were stuck with Bucky, who hadn’t taken his eyes off you for even a second. When you looked back at him, he smiled.

“I saw you across the bar and I asked her to leave us alone”, he said. “So you don’t have to rip her head off.”

“Why would you do that?” You asked.

He pointed at the chair you were previously sitting on. With a sigh, you took a seat, using that time to try and calm your heart rate. Not that it worked.

“Because I haven’t seen you in years” he shrugged.

“Yeah… I’ve been busy”, you mumbled, reaching for your drink to take a long sip from it.

“For three years?” He asked.

Damn. You looked at him for a moment. His smile was gone even if there still was a hint of it in his eyes.

“How have you been?” You finally asked so he wouldn’t start removing the past. He obviously saw you didn’t want to talk about it, so he just sighed and took a sip from his beer.

“Good. Busy”, he shrugged. “Missing my best friend”, he added.

“How’s Francesca?” You couldn’t help asking. He gave you a confused look.

“We… broke up”, he shrugged. “A long time ago.”

“I thought you wanted to marry her. Or so you said”, you said, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah well”, he chuckled. “I guess that’s the kind of things people say when they’re in love”, he shrugged. “It just didn’t work out. Kind of like us, I guess.”

Was he going to keep on making those references? It was obvious that he wanted to talk about what happened and wanted to know the reasons you had to shut him out, but you just weren’t ready to have that conversation. You didn’t even know if you would ever be.

“I see”, you whispered. “I really should go”, you finally said.

“What? Why?” He asked when you got up and he did the same with a frown. “Are you really going to leave? Again?” You bite your lip and looked at him.

That tiny hint of smile that was in his eyes was now completely gone and his eyes were full of sadness. He looked confused and hurt. He just wanted an explanation and you understood that. But you just weren’t ready to give one. At least the real one.

“I have to”, you sighed. “I… I’m sorry Bucky”, you finally said.

And with that, you quickly gathered your stuff and left the bar as fast as you could, feeling his eyes on your back the whole time.

You were going to kill Dianna. Not only for leaving you alone with him, but for making you realise that pushing him away in order to stop loving him hadn’t worked at all.

You still loved him. Probably more than ever before.

***

Before going to bed that night, you sent a voice mail to Dianna, telling her you were going to kill her for what she had just pulled. However, when you laid in bed, you weren’t really mad at your friend. All you could think about was Bucky. All of him. His eyes, his smile, his voice. Even when you fell asleep, all you could see was him.

“Do you hate me that much?” Dianna asked when she sat in the empty sit in front of you.

It was Sunday morning and you had met up for your usual brunch. It was a tradition you kept throughout the years and it had become one of your favourite moments of the week. Although this time, you felt like throwing your pancakes at her face.

“Why did you have to do that?” You asked.

“I thought you would be happy to talk to him”, she said. And you saw in her eyes that she really meant it. “Weren’t you?”

“Not really”, you sighed. “I don’t know. It was strange, confusing. I just didn’t expect it.”

“He was your best friend. You were inseparable”, she said.

“But we separated and he’s not my best friend anymore and there’s no reason to dig into the past”, you said.

You took your coffee and took a sip from it, looking out of the window at the people coming up and down. Your life was peaceful and you liked it that way. Now your head was a mess, you had barely got any sleep last night and it felt like everything was upside down. And it all came because of James fucking Buchanan Barnes.

You put your mug down and looked at your friend again, who was now looking at you with her eyes narrowed.

“What?” You asked.

“What the hell happened with you two?” She asked.

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking down at the knife cutting your pancake, so she wouldn’t see your eyes. “We just lost contact.”

“You don’t lose contact out of nowhere with someone you used to talk to every single minute of every single day”, Dianna said. “Something happened, and I know it.”

You sighed and ate a bit of pancake before looking out of the window again. You had never told the truth to anyone. No one knew how you had felt -and how you still felt- about Bucky. No one knew you loved him more than you thought you were capable of. And, after so many years, you never thought you would be in the position of bringing it up again.

“Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?” Dianna said, taking you out of your own head.

“I loved him, alright?” You finally said. “More than I could stand.”

Just saying the words made you feel like a huge weight had been lifted of your shoulders. A weight you didn’t even know was there, but now you felt liberated. You had said the truth. You had finally been honest and you had taken it out.

Dianna just looked at you, not a single feeling on her face. She stood there, observing your face silently.

“So now you’re not going to say anything”, you nodded.

“I knew it”, she finally said.

“What?” You frowned, not expecting that answer.

“I mean, I didn’t really know it”, she shrugged. “But it was the only thing that made sense. So what happened?”

“He met Francesa”, you said. “And it hurt so so much that I didn’t know what to do. So I stepped away and I let him be happy.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked.

“It was easier if I didn’t say it out loud”, you shrugged.

Dianna nodded silently, probably letting this new information sink in and considering her next words. She took a sip from her tea and a bite from her waffle.

“How did you feel last night?” She asked.

You couldn’t help but chuckling. That was hard to say out loud, but now that you had started talking about it, you felt like you could just keep on doing. Dianna would never judge you. She would always be honest to you, no matter what, and she would tell you if you were as stupid as you felt.

“Like it was useless”, you sighed, leaning against the chair in defeat. “I put all these defences up and the moment I saw him, they all came down like nothing.”

“You still love him”, she said and it wasn’t a question. You nibbled on your lower lip and nodded. “Will you tell him?”

“No way”, you laughed. “I will probably never see him again. Last night was just a coincidence”, you shrugged.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes”, you said. “And you stay still. Don’t you dare sneak around to set anything up, okay? I’m done with him or… I will be. I just need time.”

“(Y/N), he teared down the wall you have been building for years with just one look”, she said. “I don’t think time is the solution here.”

“It will have to be”, you shrugged. “So tell me about Callie, did you talk to her?”

Dianna wanted to keep on talking about it. She knew you and she knew you still had lot to say, but she also knew when to stop and wait. That is why she just shrugged and started telling you about Callie, the girl she was falling for.

***

It took you a couple of days to go back to your regular state of mind. And by a couple of days, you meant a whole week. Since you saw Bucky at that bar, the bar where you used to go the most with Dianna, you got kind of paranoid and started thinking you would see him everywhere. Even if you told yourself how crazy it was to look around every time you stepped into a place, you kept on doing it.

It wasn’t until a week after your encounter when you finally got out of bed in peace. That Friday was the deadline for one of the articles you had been written that week and it needed some hard editing. That’s why you showed up earlier than usual at the office and you had been working for almost an hour when Dianna appeared.

“Already here?” She asked surprised. She had seen you at your desk the moment she walked in.

“I came early”, you said, looking around from the screen for the very first time since you arrived. “I have to turn this in today and it’s awful.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been your most brilliant week”, Dianna smirked. “You’re looking better, though.”

“I guess I feel better”, you nodded. “Last Friday was just a coincidence”, you shrugged.

“That means you’re up for Friday drinks with your best friend?” Dianna said.

“At Bickery?” You asked a bit insecure all of sudden.

“C’mon, you have just said that it was a coincidence”, she said.

“It doesn’t mean I want to push my luck”, you commented.

“And it means that we’re going to find another spot just for us?” Dianna sighed. “C’mon, (Y/N). I really want to invite Callie tonight…”

“I know you’re only saying that to talk me into agreeing”, you said.

“That’s not entirely true”, she said. “Please? You know he won’t be there!”

“I don’t know that and neither do you”, you said. “But fine. Same time as usual?”

“Yes!” She clapped happily. “I’ll tell Callie to meet us up there at 7.30, so we can meet at 7?”

“Why not all at 7.30?” You asked curious as she took her phone to text Callie.

“I need a drink before she arrives”, she said and looked up from her phone. “To calm the nerves.”

“While you calm your nerves, leave me alone and let me work”, you said gently pushing her away from your desk. “Otherwise I’ll never finish on time.”

The day went by way faster than what you would have wished and, before you knew it, you were on an Uber on your way back to your apartment. Usually, you would take the subway but since you were meeting Dianna later, you couldn’t afford to lose time in public transport.

While you got ready, you put on some music in order to keep your head off him. You had thought he was again out of your head, but it looked like a week wasn’t enough. And even if you pretended to be chilled, the thought of seeing him again had you on a constant edge.

What if he showed up? Would he try and talk to you again? And, if he did, what would you do? Run away again? No, you couldn’t do that. He probably wouldn’t let you do that. You would have to stay and sit. But that wasn’t a problem, because he wasn’t going to appear. Right?

At 7 sharp you walked into the bar and spotted Dianna already sitting at one of the tables. She had chosen one in the furthest corner of the place, which was weird since it was still quite empty. Anyway, you made your way towards her as you took off your coat.

“What is this table?” You asked when you were close enough.

“I want intimacy”, she shrugged. “I ordered for both of us.”

“Good”, you nodded and took a seat. “Intimacy for what?”

She stared at you, probably trying to come with an answer.

“Okay, you got me”, she said. “This is the best place to check on the door in case Bucky shows up.”

“So you think he’s going to”, you said.

“I didn’t say that!” She exclaimed. “But I also think it would be good”, she shrugged. “You two have to talk. Specially you.”

“No, I don’t”, you said. “But he is not going to show up. Last week was a coincidence and that’s it. I won’t see him again.”

“Are you sure?” She asked with a smirk that made you shiver.

Slowly, you turned around and, once again, you felt how your world was turned inside out. Bucky was walking into the bar and taking off his coat. You gulped as you saw the blue t-shirt he was using that made all his muscles to stand out. How did he got so damn hot?

“I hate you”, you said turning back to look at Dianna. “And I’m leaving.”

“You can’t leave! I promised Callie you’d be here”, she said, but you were already standing up.

“I’m sorry for her, but there will be plenty of times and plenty of places to meet with her”, you said. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

You took your coat and your purse, not even bothering to put anything on -you would do it once you were out- and turned around, just to almost crash into the tower of muscle that was James Buchanan Barnes.

“So we meet again”, he said, looking down at you.

“What a coincidence!” Dianna said, way too happily. “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“I thought I might find you two here again”, he said with a teasing smile.

There was something about the way he was talking that made you suspicious. You narrowed your eyes and looked at your friend, who had a huge smile on her face, and then at him who was just smiling at you. You knew there was a chance that he would be there that night. But the fact that he came alone at the very same hour you were meeting Dianna meant only one thing.

You were going to murder your best friend.

“Look, there’s Callie!” Dianna said getting up. “You can have this table if you want, or you could go and have some dinner maybe?”

“You’re dead”, you said looking at her gathering her stuff. “And I have to go.”

“You’re not going anywhere”, Bucky said, placing a hand on your arm gently.

You looked at him but saw by the corner of your eyes how Dianna left you alone to meet Callie. There was still some humour in his eyes but you could also see that he was determined not to let you go again.

“The only reason I didn’t go after you last week was because I saw how shocked you were to see me”, he said. “But you had a whole week to get over it, so you’re not going anywhere.”

“So now I am under arrest or something like that?” You asked.

“If that what it takes”, he shrugged. “But I need answers. And you have all of them.”

You looked around to find Dianna and Callie on the opposite side of the bar. They weren’t even paying attention to you two, so you were on your own. Biting your lip, you looked at Bucky again before trying to gulp the lump in your throat.

You were fucked.

Seeing that you didn’t really have a choice in the matter, you had taken a seat again and you were waiting for Bucky to come back with drinks for both of you. Your eyes kept on going from him to the door, wondering if you even had a chance to escape. Deep down, you knew it was useless. He wasn’t going to let you go so easily, not this time. He had always been the most stubborn person you had ever met and he was determined to talk to you. His eyes told you so.

“Here you go”, he said putting a glass in front of you. “I figured you’d want something stronger”, he said.

“So you ordered plain whiskey?” You asked.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it”, he said with a small smile. There was no use in denying it, so you just took a small sip from it, making faces as it went down your throat. “Although it seems you haven’t taken it lately”, he chuckled.

“No, I haven’t”, you admitted and looked at him, not really knowing what was the right thing to say.

“How have you been?” He finally asked.

You had been completely sure that he would go straight to the point. That he would just ask you what had happened, why you had shut him off. The fact that his first question was concerning your well-being, made your heart melt a bit.

“Good”, you shrugged and looked down at your fingers. Looking into his eyes was too difficult. “Busy. Working”, you shrugged. “Same old shit. What about you?”

“Avenging”, he shrugged making you smile a little and look up. “We’ve been busy, to be honest.”

“I’ve seen you on TV many times”, you admitted. “Saving the world looks busy.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a big place, you know?” He said with a bit of irony, making you laugh.

“You’re doing great”, you said with a smile.

“You look great”, he said suddenly, taking you by surprise.

“W-what?” You said looking away again.

“I thought we were stating the facts”, he said. “I’m doing great and you’re looking great”, he said making you laugh.

“You’re as cocky as ever”, you said looking at him.

“You know me”, he said smiling before lifting the glass to his mouth. You copied his action, not breaking eye contact this time.

“Same old James”, you sighed. He chuckled quietly. “What?”

“You’ve always been the only one calling me James”, he shrugged. “I missed it. It…sounds good when you say it.”

“I always thought Bucky sounded more like a dog name anyway”, you said.

“Hey!” He frowned but his eyes were full of humour, which allowed you to laugh.

It was so easy being with him you could also forget the reasons you had to stay away. He get you, he really did. He made you laugh and he made you feel carefree and safe. But still, there was some tension in the air.

“What happened, (Y/N)?” He asked suddenly.

And there it came.

“We just lost contact. It happens”, you shrugged, trying to act like it was no big deal.

“Bullshit”, he said now frowning. “We didn’t lose contact. I tried to contact you for weeks. And you just kept on avoiding me. Why?”

“It’s complicated”, was all you managed to say and you looked away once again.

“When has anything ever been complicated between us?” He asked. “What happened? We were best friends. And suddenly you were gone, you left me alone.”

“You weren’t alone”, you said looking at him. “You had Francesca”, you explained when you saw his confused face.

“Francesca…” he mumbled. “She was just my girlfriend, what did she have to do with us?”

“I thought you didn’t need me anymore”, you said. “You were happy with her.”

“Didn’t need you?” He repeated. “(Y/N) you were my everything, I always needed you, I still do.”

You felt your stomach twisting with his words. Everything. That had been his own word, but what did that even mean? You knew what it meant for you, but what did it mean for him?

“If you wanted nothing to do with me”, he kept on talking, “the least you could have done was telling me. I was devastated. I felt alone, abandoned-”

“Stop, please”, you said loud enough for him to hear you.

“Why?” He asked, pushing you to speak.

He knew you well enough to know when you were about to explode and you were seconds away from it. He only had to push a bit harder and he would make you talk.

“Why should I stop? To make it easy on you? As easy as it was for you to just disappear?” He asked.

“It wasn’t easy”, you said.

“Sure it looked like it was”, he said. “What did I do? What the hell happened?”

“You wouldn’t understand, James!” You finally exclaimed.

Some people around you, stayed silent and looked at you for a brief moment before going back to their conversation.

“Try me”, he said.

“I can’t”, you said. “I’m sorry.”

As fast as you could, you got up and took your coat and purse from behind the chair and made your way towards the door, praying he wouldn’t follow. When you got to the street, you immediately started walking towards the closest subway station as you put on your coat. If you could just get on a train, it didn’t matter where it went, you could get away from him, from everything.

Tears had been filling your eyes as he spoke and now that you were away, you let them fall freely. Why did he have to appear and make you remember everything? Including your feelings for him that were now stronger than ever. You couldn’t do it, not over again. And you knew you couldn’t have him the way you wanted. He would never look at you that way.

Suddenly, a strong hand grabbed you by your upper arm and made you turn around, to face those piercing blue eyes once again. Those eyes that used to look at you with such joy, were now full of anger, disappointment and sadness.

“Let me go, Bucky…” you said through your tears.

“I told you”, he said. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Please, James”, you tried to say but you were crying too much to say anything.

Bucky had never been able to see you cry. It made his heart ache. So when he saw your tears, all the anger he felt went away and he pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you while you held his jacket in your hands. Sobs made your whole body tremble, which made him hold you even tighter.

He had spent so many years missing you, wondering what went so wrong that made you push him completely out of your life. Now that he had you in his arms again, he couldn’t let you go. Not when he felt whole again, like everything finally made sense because you were there. He had known he had it bad for you the moment he stopped trying to reach out to you and he had been heartbroken ever since. He had learned to live with it and had accepted the pain.

However, when he saw you at the bar seven days ago, his world turned upside down. He had hope again and he wasn’t ready to give it up just yet, not without a fight and not without an explanation.

“Why did you shut me off?” He whispered against your head. You still used the same shampoo as before and the smell felt so familiar that he felt like home.

“Because it hurt”, you said against his jacket. The answer shocked him, but he didn’t pull away. “Too much.”

“What did it hurt?” He asked, stroking your hair, feeling how your sobs were weaker.

“Seeing you in love with someone else”, you said.

Bucky was shocked. What did you mean? What were you talking about? Did you… Did you have any kind of feelings for him?

None of you had the words to say anything else, so you just stood there, letting him hold you just because you couldn’t find the strength to stay away. His arms had always been a sanctuary for you, a safe place. Home. You were back home.

Eventually, you finally calmed down. Bucky didn’t let you go any second. Not until he felt you pulling away. Only then, he looked down at you and took some hair out of your face with a sigh before whipping away some remaining tears.

“Better?” He asked and you nodded. “Do you want to go anywhere?” He asked.

“Please”, you nodded.

“Where?” He asked, stroking your hair again.

“My place?” You said, looking at him.

“Of course”, he said and kissed your forehead, resting his lips on your skin for a few seconds. “C’mon.”

The ride back to your apartment was made in complete silent, but at least you felt a bit more at peace. Bucky was sitting next to the window and you were just next to him, your head rested on his shoulder.

Bucky knew that you still had a lot of tell him, he still had questions, even more now than before but he also knew you needed time to put yourself back together. It was all being so intense it was hard to take in, even for him. But you had always been way more emotional than him and right now you needed to calm down and you needed him, even if you wouldn’t say it out loud. He was going to be just your old friend Bucky for a while.

You knew you would have to explain yourself as soon as you got to your apartment, but you were enjoying this little unspoken truce you had going on. For a moment you allowed yourself to think that it was all like before, that you were just Bucky and (Y/N), like nothing had ever happened. Even if it was just a fantasy, it was a safe space for your thoughts at the moment.

“You haven’t moved”, he said when you two got out of the taxi.

“No”, you said taking out the keys. “Why?”

“It was one of my theories”, he shrugged following you inside.

“Did you have many of those?” You asked.

“A few”, he nodded, walking up the familiar stairs to the second floor. “Did you change the lock or it works as bad as usual?”

“You know me… I’m always up for a challenge”, you said introducing the key into the hole.

You always struggled to open the door. It was a problem that came with the apartment and you had always complained about it. Always saying that you would change the lock as soon as possible, but you never did it. Now you were just used to it.

“Do you mind if I change?” You asked when you were inside and had already taking off your coat and shoes.

“No problem”, Bucky said taking off his own jacket and shoes. “Can I have some water?”

“Suit yourself”, you said pointing to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

You hurried to your room, closing the door behind you and leaning against it. You were almost shaking and still felt like crying. It was too much, too intense. You had signed up for a girls’ night with Dianna and Callie, not for a trip down the memory lane with the guy you had thought for years that was the love of your life.

When you came back to the open plan living room, you saw Bucky looking through the stuff on your shelves.

“I got this for you”, you said.

He turned around surprised since he hadn’t heard you approaching. You looked adorable with those shorts and a big woollen sweater. It took him a bit to react to the clothes you had with you.

“You kept those?” He asked when he recognised his own clothes.

“I wasn’t going to throw them out”, you shrugged. “I don’t know if you want to change but I thought you’d be more comfortable in these.”

“Thanks”, he said taking the sweatpants and the t-shirt from you.

“You can use the bathroom”, you quickly said when he took the clothes. “I’m going to make some tea, do you want some?”

“I’m good, thanks”, he said.

While he was walking to the bathroom, he couldn’t help smiling a bit. He had always hated tea and you knew it. He knew you knew it. But you always kept forgetting about it and kept on asking him if he wanted some. He would always say no, but you would always ask again.

“The place hasn’t changed a bit”, he said when he came back to find you already on the couch, blowing on your steaming tea.

“I know, right?” You said looking around.

“You even kept the pictures”, he said pointing at the photos you had of both of you around the shelves.

“I couldn’t take them off”, you shrugged and he took a seat, sitting with his body towards you. “Specially that one”, you said pointing at your all time favourite.

It had been taken on your birthday. The last one you celebrated together. Tony had surprised you with a trip to Disney World. In the photo, it was you and Bucky, sitting on some stairs. You were sitting between his legs while he was sitting one step above from you. You were looking up at him, laughing about something he would have said, and he was smiling down at you, adoringly.

“You always loved that one”, he said and you nodded.

“And I loved you”, you finally said.

You just had to say it. After all the tension, all the crying, after everything, you just couldn’t hold it any longer.

A long silence followed your statement. You kept on looking at the photo even if you weren’t really looking at it, but it was easier than making eye contact. However, you could feel his eyes fixed on you, probably waiting for you to elaborate.

“I realised how much I loved you when you started dating Francesca”, you finally said and looked at him. You had his whole attention. “I still don’t know when it happened but when you appeared with her I knew I was irrevocably in love with you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked with a frown. You sighed and put the mug on the table in front of you, moving on the couch so you were now facing him.

“Because you were so happy with her I didn’t want to ruin it. Or our friendship”, you said. “I thought I could just keep on being your best friend. Turned out I was wrong”, you looked down at your hand and started playing with a lose thread of your sleeve.

“So you just ran away and ruined our friendship anyway?” He asked.

“That was my last choice. And the most coward, I know”, you admitted with a low voice. “But I had tried everything: dating, one-night stands, I even thought of going to therapy to get you out of my head”, he chuckled. “Yeah, I know. A bit much”, you sighed. “I was desperate, though. Every time I saw you with her or every time you talked to me about her, about how much you loved her, my heart broke. You kept on saying you wanted to spend your life with her. And it just became too much.”

“And you decided to shut me off”, he stated.

“It wasn’t easy, James”, you said looking up at him again. “Not even a bit. I… I cried day after day. Every time I saw your name on my phone I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. But eventually you just stopped trying”, you shrugged.

“You’re telling me that you chose to kick me out of your life without a single explanation instead of telling me that you loved me?” He asked. “That you chose to escape before saying how you felt?”

“I know how selfish it is, James”, you said. “I’ve been saying it to myself for years, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get you out of my head.”

“Anything would have been better than what you did”, he said. “You say it was hard for you, but do you know how it was for me?” You shook your head. “A nightmare. A literal nightmare. All those dreams that had been gone for years came back, worse than ever. I was sleepless, lost, broken. You were my fucking stone and you were gone. And I didn’t even know why! It drove me crazy.”

When you got away from him, you knew it would hurt him, but you always told yourself thar he would be okay because he was with Francesca. You definitely never thought that he would be suffering so much, let alone having those nightmares again.

“But… what about Fran-“

“Forget about her! She was nothing, don’t you see? The moment you left my life, nothing else mattered”, he said with so much intensity. “All I could think about was you. Yes, I liked her, I was fine with her but…”, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The moment I realised you were really gone, it was the moment I realised that you were the only woman in the world that mattered to me. The only one I wanted to spend my life with, to laugh and to cry. I realised how much peace you bring me, how much joy, how much life. Without you I was nothing. I was so in love with you I didn’t even know what to do with those feelings. And I couldn’t even tell you about it because you wouldn’t even open your damn door.”

Your mouth had gone completely dry. You had no idea what to say. It felt like you were two idiots who had to lose each other to see that you couldn’t live without the other. It just didn’t make sense and now it felt like it was too late. You still loved him, that was for sure, but you doubted he still loved you. Not after how badly you had hurt him.

He shook his head and got up from the couch to start pacing up and down your living room, his hands to his head. You knew that was what he did when he felt nervous or anxious, you had seen him do it a million times, but it was the first time that you didn’t know what to do about it.

“What now?” You mumbled. He stopped pacing and looked down at you.

“How do you feel about me?” Was all he asked.

You gulped and looked at your hands once again. Why was looking at him so hard? You had opened up completely about the past, why couldn’t you do it about the present? You knew the reason: the fact that he once loved you didn’t mean that he still did. And that kind of reject was something you wouldn’t be able to stand.

“I don’t know”, you said.

“The time for running away is over, (Y/N)”, he said coming back to the couch to sit down, leaned forward with his arms resting on his legs. “It’s me, for fuck’s sake”, he sighed. “There was no secrets between us and you know I’d never judge you.”

“I know”, you said.

“Then? Why is it so damn hard to just talk to me?” He asked looking at you.

“Because I don’t want to make everything worse”, you said, forcing yourself to maintain the eye contact.

“Trust me, that’s not possible”, he said bitterly.

Another long silent appeared. He had all the rights to be mad at you and you would never hold anything against him for it. You had done everything in the wrong way and you didn’t know how to make it right. All you knew was how much you missed him in your life and that you wanted him back. More than anything. But you had no idea how to make it happen.

“What do you want me to say, James?” You sigh, looking at his jawline. You always loved it. It was so manly, so sexy. And you were letting yourself wander, so you came back to reality.

“The truth”, he said in a heartbeat. “The whole truth. No holding back any longer. Do you think you can do that?” He asked looking at you.

“I can try”, you sighed. You knew you owed him that much, as hard as it was.

After taking a while to think about you were going to say, you finally started speaking. You did it from the beginning, back to even before he dated Francesca. You explained how you felt back then but you hadn’t realised what it really meant but it all came crushing you down the moment he appeared with his new girlfriend. Even though you had seen him with girls before, this was struck you different. Maybe it was because of how serious it all seemed and how genuinely happy he looked.

You explained about the many guys you used as a rebound and how it didn’t matter how great they were with you or in bed. In the end, it all came back to Bucky. It was him. It had always been him. And probably would always be.

“I know it was selfish, Bucky”, you ended up saying. “And I’m so sorry it caused you so much pain, I really do. I never meant to hurt you, quite the opposite. I wanted you to be happy.”

“What about your own happiness, then?” He asked. “You were suffering the whole time, what was the point?”

“I imagined the pain would just go away eventually”, you shrugged.

“Did it?” He asked and you chuckled to yourself.

“I guess I just got used to it”, you said. “I missed you. I have missed you every single day for the last three years.”

“I assume you never came back because you thought I would still be with Francesca, right?” He asked and you nodded. “What about now? What stops you now from coming back to me?”

You took a deep breath. He had asked you to be honest, to say everything. And saying how you felt about him was part of that everything. Even if saying it meant to push him away again.

“The thought of you rejecting me”, you said, your eyes set on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Reject you?” He asked. “Why would I ever reject you?”

“Because you don’t feel what I feel”, you said in a whisper.

Bucky tensed with your words and looked at you, but you weren’t looking at him. Of course you weren’t.

“And how do you feel?” He asked. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears.

“I’m in love with you”, you shrugged. “Probably more than ever before”, you chuckled sadly. “One would think that all these years away from you would have make me forget you, but one single look was all it took to confirm the opposite. I love you, James, and there’s nothing I, or anyone, can do to change it.”

An explosion of happiness and energy burst in Bucky’s chest. His eyes fixed on your face and his thought fixed on how much he loved you. He never thought this was possible. He had just assumed that you didn’t want anything to do with someone like him and he couldn’t believe he had been so wrong about it.

“And that’s the whole truth”, you sighed and looked at him. “I loved you and that’s why I went away. And I never came back because I never stopped loving you and I know I can’t take a rejection from you. But you deserve to know everything and… that’s it.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. Actually, he did, but he didn’t know how. He just stayed there, looking at you, trying not to smile as widely as he wanted to. Suddenly, you got up from the couch, took the mug -that was still full of tea- and walked to the kitchen.

At first, he didn’t know whether to follow you or not, but it took him two seconds to make up his mind. He got up and followed your steps, leaning against the kitchen island that separated the kitchen from the living room.

“I wish you had told me”, he said, his arms crossed. “I think I deserved a chance to know how you felt before it was too late.”

Too late. It was too late. He had feelings for you once but they were gone. There it was. Rejection.

“Probably”, you said while you washed the mug, taking more time than necessary. “But there’s nothing I can do to change it”, you shrugged. “It was my decision, my mistake. And I have to live with it for the rest of my life. Now, James, it’s being a long ass day, it’s two in the morning and I need to sleep.”

You put the mug to dry next to the sink, dried your hands and made your way towards the door that led to the aisle and to your room. You needed some time to yourself, to think about had just happened and to let your heart break again. But you couldn’t do it because Bucky grabbed you by your wrist the moment you walked by his side.

“Wait”, he said. “You’ve said the whole truth, but what about me?”

“What about you?” You sighed and turned to look at him. “You already said it, Bucky. It’s too late.”

“No”, he said. “I said it was too late back then. I haven’t said a word about today.”

You frowned confused as a part of you allowed yourself to have a bit of hope. Maybe it wasn’t all lost. Maybe he still wanted you in his life.

“What does that even mean?” You asked. A small smile appeared on his face and he pulled you towards him, carefully, so you were standing in front of him, a bit too close.

“It means…”, he said now taking both of your hands. The touch of his metal hand felt so familiar it made you smile a little to yourself. “That you’re not the only one who needed just one look to confirm what I already knew”, he shrugged. You gulped, this time completely hypnotized by his eyes.

“And what is that?” You ask.

“That I was, am and will always be irrevocably in love with you”, he said.

“You- you are?” You muttered, completely shocked by this confession.

“I am”, he nodded with a smile, pulling you a bit closer. “It’s always been you, (Y/N). It doesn’t matter how many girls I had in my bed, I just couldn’t get you out of my head. I love you and there’s nothing I, or you, can do about it.”

You blinked, your eyes fixed on his, looking for any hint of a joke. There was none, though, He was as serious as he could be. He loved you. The love of your life loved you. He was in love with you, even after all these years and all the pain you had caused him. He wanted you back as much as you wanted him back.

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” You mumbled, making him laugh a little.

“Please, do”, he nodded.

He let go of your hands to wrap his arms around your waist, while yours moved around his neck and your lips pressed against his in a small kiss that turned big fast enough. He tried to bring you closer to him, your back arching against his torso, as he kissed you back with everything he had been holding back all those years.

“Wait a second…”, you said pulling away a few inches.

“What?” He asked confused when he saw your eyes narrowed.

“How many girls?” You asked.

“Shut up, you idiot”, he said before kissing you again, smiling this time.

It was there, in his arms, when it all clicked. Bucky was your happy place. He made you happy. The last time you had been truly happy had been with him. All the time you had spent apart, you just had been content with your life, and now you felt that extreme joy again. Happiness. Bucky made you happy in ways no one would ever understand.

[thebluelemontree]

Hey, sorry to be a bother but do you know any metas about Driftwood and the mythological significance of have Stranger called such? If not, could you please help me find any metas about the importance of Stranger (the horse and the god) to Sandor's future? Thank you!!

It’s no bother at all.  I love talking about this stuff.  I don’t recall any other metas specifically on that topic, but I do go into the meaning of Driftwood/Stranger in Part VI of my Winds prediction essay for Sandor.  I’m staying narrowly focused on your question here, but mythological significance branches out much farther and features heavily throughout each section of that essay if you have any further interest.     

And the seventh face … the Stranger was neither male nor female, yet both, ever the outcast, the wanderer from far places, less and more than human, unknown and unknowable. Here the face was a black oval, a shadow with stars for eyes. It made Catelyn uneasy. –  Catelyn IV, ACOK.  

Of the Seven, the Stranger is the one most regarded with fear for his/her association with death and the unknown.  He/she’s either depicted as a shrouded half-human, half-animal, or with a blacked-out void for a face.  Sandor has that thematic aesthetic going on with his hound’s head helm, which gives him the appearance of being both a man and a beast.  That is a reflection of the duality of his identity between Sandor and the Hound.  He frequently enters a scene by stepping out from the shadows, so he also fits with the shadowy figure version.  Sandor also isn’t one to allow others to know his true self, at least until Sansa, Arya, and the Elder Brother.  Rarely does any worshipper pray to the Stranger as few are eager to invite death itself in, of course.  It’s no wonder that the outcasts of society might identify with that lonely aspect of being an unwelcome presence and having nowhere to belong.  

For Sandor to give his horse such a blasphemous name, it’s because he views himself as someone who is feared and misunderstood, and as an outsider who stands on the outside looking in at the world.  This is especially true as he is immersed in the culture of knighthood but emphatically rebels against it.  There is much of ordinary life that is closed off to Sandor, and it’s not all due to his trauma response and poor coping skills alienating him from other people.  A lot of it is just unfair.  His perceived ugliness in a society that overwhelmingly favors physically beautiful people and despises disability or disfigurement has hindered his ability to create meaningful connections with others.  That resentment has only built up throughout his life.  He’s a second son who is forced to make his own way in the world since Gregor is the sole beneficiary of the Clegane lands and incomes.  It’s Gregor that got the home and wife (three to be exact), which is the domestic life that would normally ground a man, giving him a sense of purpose and satisfying his emotional needs.  Gregor doesn’t care for any of that, but there is a hint that Sandor feels this is something that has been denied him.  Since many people fail to distinguish Sandor as different from his brother, Gregor’s infamy and the rumors surrounding the deaths of his wives and family members really don’t help either.  After the BotBW, Sandor is really cut adrift from society by his desertion.  He’s unfairly marked as a craven, and then in a tragic case of mistaken identity is wanted for the rape and massacre of the Saltpans.  That’s about as hated and reviled as one can get.  

Like other instances of named horses being a reflection of their riders, Stranger’s nature says a lot about Sandor’s.  He’s proficient in battle, brave, disciplined, but extremely ill-tempered, and dangerous; however, with gentle handling from a master that has earned his trust, he’s able to respond in kind.

The horse was a heavy courser, almost as big as a destrier but much faster. Stranger, the Hound called him. Arya had tried to steal him once, when Clegane was taking a piss against a tree, thinking she could ride off before he could catch her. Stranger had almost bitten her face off. He was gentle as an old gelding with his master, but otherwise he had a temper as black as he was. She had never known a horse so quick to bite or kick.

There’s a bond there.  The horse isn’t just a tool or weapon to be used.  Sandor cares for this big, scary boy that no one else can get close to.  After rescuing Sansa from the riot, his next thought is to go back to find his horse in the chaos and fire.  Because Sandor gave him the name, it shows that he has the self-awareness of how his issues and anti-social behavior have only served to increase his sense of isolation and cement other people’s negative opinions.  The only reason an animal would so readily bite or kick indiscriminately is that it’s in constant fear of being hurt by people (*sob*).  It’s possible Sandor recognized a warhorse that was trained with brutal methods, not unlike his own childhood and adolescence.  One can imagine how much patience, kindness, and courage it took to bring such an ornery beast to the point where he can trust and reciprocate.            

People are more complicated than animals, of course; however, this is definitely meant to mirror his relationship with Sansa and her gentleness, compassion, and courage in the face of his anger issues.  Though not many are not keen on giving attention to the Stranger in their prayers, Sansa does pray for Sandor’s safety and well-being.  The Stranger is the last deity people turn to for comfort, and yet Sansa views Sandor as her protector and ally.  She wishes for his presence at times, even after seeing him at his worst.  And I love, love, love this line from Cersei about Sansa, who is deep into the unkiss rabbit hole at this point:

“… but before I am done with her, I promise you, she will be singing to the Stranger, begging for his kiss.“ – Cersei IV, AFFC.

So that brings us to Stranger’s renaming to Driftwood, but first, we need to ask what exactly is the Quiet Isle?  Quoting from Part IV of my essay:

“The Quiet Isle is also a place to cross over into the afterlife in more than one way.  Sometimes the dead and dying wash up on the shores, as did the Elder Brother.  Sometimes they are brought there like the Hound or the people of the Saltpans after the massacre to die or be healed.  The metaphoric and most common way is for penitents to abandon their old lives to be reborn in a new monastic life.  In a sense, the brothers on the isle are dead to the outside world.  They don’t speak with few exceptions.  Many cover their faces as well, obscuring their past identity.  Their brown robes and cowls are like the dead driftwood that washes up there, but even driftwood gets reborn as beautiful polished furniture and cups.  If you want to come on the Quiet Isle, you need Elder Brother’s or one of his proctor’s permission.  There’s a ferry to the isle which is evocative of Charon.  So that makes Elder Brother, like Garth Greenhand, a psychopomp.  He’s a gatekeeper between life and death, literal and metaphoric, and can also return people to the world of the living.  The imagery is evocative of the Elysian Fields and especially Avalon, where King Arthur was taken to recover from wounds sustained against Mordred at the Battle of Camlann and is destined to return from. ”  

Driftwood was dead and washed up, but then it is collected, reshaped and polished into something beautiful with a new purpose in its second life.  Driftwood in this context is a metaphor for healing and redemption.    

“The furnishings were strange but simple; a long table, a settle, a chest, several tall cases full of books, and chairs. All were made from driftwood, oddly shaped pieces cunningly joined together and polished till they shone a deep gold in the candlelight.” – Brienne VI, AFFC.

Amazing Grace, How sweet the soundThat saved a wretch like meI once was lost, but now am foundT'was blind but now I see

I zero doubts that Sandor’s character is undergoing a radical and profound transformation on the Quiet Isle.  He was broken down enough to be open to it when the Elder Brother picked him up from the shore of the Trident.  Also kinda miraculous that Stranger must have allowed himself to be led by another person while Sandor was incapacitated; however, it’s obvious Stranger is never going to spend the rest of his days as a plowhorse.  

Brother Narbert sighed. “The Seven send us blessings, and the Seven send us trials. Handsome he may be, but Driftwood was surely whelped in hell. When we sought to harness him to a plow he kicked Brother Rawney and broke his shinbone in two places. We had hoped gelding might improve the beast’s ill temper, but … Brother Gillam, will you show them?”

Brother Gillam lowered his cowl. Underneath he had a mop of blond hair, a tonsured scalp, and a bloodstained bandage where he should have had an ear. – Brienne VI, AFFC.  

This makes me laugh because although I believe Sandor has learned to have a healthier mindset through humble service and meaningful penance, he probably has been a veritable pill through the process.  As Stranger kicks and rebels, we should definitely conclude that Sandor’s time with the holy brothers is not permanent.  Especially considering that the horse adamantly refuses to be gelded, Sandor will not be submitting to the celibate life of a monk.  The new name likely won’t stick, because Sandor didn’t so much need a whole new identity, but to restore his original one.  The Hound is dead, but Sandor Clegane lives, polished and remade with a new purpose to his life.               

[trialround]

[Previous parts]

Philipp Aschenwald/Gregor Schlierenzauer

After Tauplitz/Bad Mitterndorf 2020

I want to fall and trust that he falls with me.

It was awkward at first. Gregor parked the car in front of a house that I could only describe as a mansion. It stood on the hill, overlooking the quiet town beneath it, and it was huge and white, yet still so natural part of the nature around it. I thought about my own tiny, old apartment and the vast difference of the places we called our homes.

Gregor carried his luggage inside, and I followed with my own luggage, asked where the toilet was and had a two-minute freak-out session in his giant bathroom because I realized I didn’t have any date appropriate clothing with me. I had dreamed of taking my time getting ready for this date. I had thought about dressing up, choosing my clothes carefully, making an effort for him, because during the competition weekends he mostly sees me in a ski jumping suit or plain sponsor t-shirts. I wanted to wear something different, something I’ve chosen to buy for myself, something that didn’t have a Volksbank logo on it.

Dreams are made to be shattered, it seems.

I end up sitting on a bar stool by his kitchen counter wearing old sweatpants and a worn t-shirt.

With a Volksbank logo on the chest.

Gregor doesn’t seem to mind. He changed to sweatpants and t-shirt as well, after seeing my outfit change. He come back from his bedroom looking like a god and has been cooking ever since. He didn’t offer me a house tour and I didn’t ask for it because I don’t want him to think I came here to snoop. I am curious, of course I am, because the house is huge and I want to see more than just the bathroom and the kitchen, but for now I’m fine sitting in the kitchen watching him cook.

I’ve been instructed not to help after I almost burned myself when I got too close of the pot of boiling water on the stove. Gregor handed me a beer instead and told me to sit still and look pretty while he cooked. I’ve been making faces at him the entire time since then, and he keeps laughing at me while he whirls around the kitchen looking like he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Our conversation flows naturally. We keep on the easy topics, random facts, and silly questions. I ask him about cooking and photography and he keeps talking about his camera so much, that I don’t know if I should be jealous or smitten. We don’t talk about ski jumping or anything related to our work, since Gregor clearly refrains from mentioning anything about it, and I don’t have any interest in talking about work after the weekend we just had. And although jumping is such a big part of our lives, it’s ridiculously easy to find things to talk about that don’t have anything to do with that part of our lives.

I talk about growing up in a tiny village and nature and what it means to me, and he keeps nodding like he knows exactly what I’m talking about. We talk about the mountains and freedom and the feeling you get when you stand on top of a mountain, high above the clouds looking at the world around you.

We sit at the table to eat and he asks if I want another beer and I tell him no, because we leave to Rasnov already on Wednesday and the world we have tried to forget during the evening is still out there and I need to remember that.

The food is delicious and I ask Gregor if there’s anything he’s not good at.

“Lots of things,” he says, and I don’t push for more, because it feels like a sore subject.

Maybe someday, I promise myself, but not now. Not on the first date when everything is light and easy and fun, and I love every minute of it.

We sit on the table, for hours it seems, and he leans his elbows on the table and rests his head on his hands and stares at me, smiles at me while I talk and it’s quiet in the house around us. He is calm and relaxed, more open than usual, like he has finally let his guard down, and I am tempted to poke, ask, see if I can get him to open up more, but I know that if I ask the wrong questions, he will close himself off, get snippy and distant again, and I don’t want that.

So I ask the easy questions, the light questions, and he answers. With every word he brings me closer to him, opens up that tiny bit more, lets me further into his world, and maybe that’s his way of thanking me of being patient with him. It might not be much, but I’m willing to take whatever he wants to give me, and it scares me, because I’m already falling in too deep, and I can’t back down.

I want to fall and trust that he falls with me.

When I check my phone – the first time that evening – I’m surprised to find that it’s nearly quarter to eleven in the night. I bite my lip, not wanting the evening to end, but knowing that I can’t just stay forever.

“I should – it’s getting late.”

“Oh,” he says like he hasn’t realize the time either.

“Yeah. The taxi driver will be thrilled to have my skis in his car, don’t you think?” I laugh, already googling a phone number for the taxi. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a taxi with my skis and all my luggage before. Usually it’s just easier to use your own car to drive to the airport and back, because the hassle of getting all the equipment packed inside a normal car is an interesting one. I can’t wait to see the look on the driver’s face when he sees everything he needs to fit in his car.

“You could stay for the night.” The words are quiet, and I raise my head to look at him. His tone doesn’t hold an implication for more, but I can’t help but raise my eyebrows at him. He rolls his eyes, understanding what I’m thinking.

“Yes, I know you said no sex,” he huffs. “I might be able to control myself. You could sleep in one of my guest rooms, if that makes you more comfortable.”

“Your guest rooms? Plural,” I grin at him, because to a person who lives in a tiny one bedroom apartment, the thought of multiple guest rooms is absurd.

“Yes.”

“Oh, right. Sometimes I just forget that you are – “ I shake my head and bite my tongue. It’s been so easy, the whole evening has been great, so of course I slip, make that mistake eventually. He gets up from his chair, clearly not wanting to hear the end of my sentence. The unspoken words still echo around the room.

That you are Gregor Schlierenzauer.

A legend, a champion, one of the best of all time. Filthy rich. Way out of my league.

I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. He isn’t though. He hasn’t been that person, that caricature of himself this evening, not this weekend even or any of the others before it. He has a past, but then again that’s what we all have, and I don’t judge him according to what he might have once been or what he has achieved. Or how much money he might have.

To me he is Gregor. My annoyingly handsome roommate, an interesting person, someone I want to get to know better. That’s all.

“I don’t know,” I say slowly, wanting to correct my mistake, wanting to show him what I’ve been trying to show him the entire evening: it’s him who I’m interested in. Not his money or his medals or the titles he has won. “I’m pretty good-looking, I don’t think you would be able to resist.”

He looks at me, sees the challenge in my eyes: play with me, just for a while. Let’s forget the echoes in the room.

For a second I fear he might not want to play, might not want to change the mood for something lighter again. But then he raises his eyebrows and leans to rest his arms on the back rest of his chair. I lean my elbows to the table, my face just a breath away from his. It wouldn’t take much effort from him to close that distance between us and kiss me, but of course he doesn’t do that.

“I’ve been sleeping next to you the entire season, Philipp. I think I can handle one more night,” he says instead, his tone indifferent, but his eyes are sparkling at me.

“You sure about that?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Then I guess I’ll stay.”