#but goddamn it i am feeling them!! and i still cant cry!!!

[starrbucky]

.

[triglycercule]

why is horror almost ALWAYS sweating bro this man must be a straight up water faucet with how much sweat he has in every horrortale panel. however it is for this reason that i think he has hyperhidrosis. hello my name is triglycercule and in this essay i will explain

[weebsinstash]

For real though I am lost in the Miguelverse rn bc the whole you know, concept and setting in general gives so much opportunity for so many different things and he's such a tasty intimidating juicy specimen of a man

Like for starters I keep flip-flopping between concepts of Reader being the Spider of their universe, BUT I also like the idea of Reader being an anomaly, because then you get that torturous pain of like... godDAMN the scene with Miguel and Miles on top of the train was hard to watch, you know? So take that and you've got Miguel trying his hardest to stop you and losing his temper and screaming at you that you're a mistake, you were never supposed to be here, all of those things, and then afterwards he has to try and put all your broken pieces back together after everything you had experienced completely breaks you, like you go from trying to escape him in Nueva York to just going limp in his hold and letting them take you into custody, constantly crying or being completely despodent and literally no longer caring about going home anymore because you feel trapped by being a Spider and feel like your choices are no longer your own. He didn't have any hard feelings against you but you have to follow the canon! And while he's you know keeping a watchful eye on you and making sure you don't kill yourself, he becomes a little too personally invested in your well being, making sure you've eaten, have you slept well, until he realizes too late that he's ATTACHED

Spinoff of this where he accidentally makes Reader kill themselves which also destroys their entire universe and like a few months later Miguel gets another ping in the system and, oh look a new Spiderman, not an anomaly this time, but still... you? Or, A you, maybe not THE same you he had known but, it just tears at his heart as he meets you again and youre so happy and bouncy and charismatic and he knows he has to keep you safe this time, that he cant let you completely fall apart this time. That's kind of getting your cake and eating it too huh? Having the first you be the anomaly and the second you is a true Spider who gets to deal with all his grief and obsession and guilt and all those feelings he never got to address or act on "the first time around"

Ideas of Reader not even being a Spider and just minding their own gd business and a disheveled Miguel from another universe who just lost his own version of you and hasn't slept for shit shows up all of a sudden and corners you because he just HAS to see and hear and touch you again and he's basically lost himself with grief

Ideas where Reader loses their home universe but instead of disappearing with it they just become an anomaly and now you're a Spider without a set destiny who technically shouldn't still exist and Miguel has to keep an eye on you as he watches you gradually sink deeper into the mire of grief and depression because, "does your life even have a purpose now?"

Story ideas where having a darling/obsession is a spidey canon event and Miguel thought he had already gone through his but he stumbles upon you and he starts losing it and getting real freaky obsessed with you and he doesn't exactly stop himself because he thinks it's normal and supposed to happen, and if you resist him in any way he won't let you get away because in his mind if he doesn't have you, not only will he completely fall apart, but what if it causes another universe to collapse?

Stories where you're a Spider and his "coworker" and you two have tension but respect each other and have never really acted on it and suddenly here's another Miguel who isn't quite nearly as reserved or shy as the first and suddenly "your original" has to 'defend his territory' as he knows enough about his own behavior to realize that this other version of him has his sights set on you and, well, your Miguel can't have that

Stories where having a kid is a canon event and Miguel realizes Reader is a grown woman who is actively avoiding relationships altogether and is also on birth control and he realizes "oh shit if she doesn't have a kid will she disappear?" And he's like trying to sabotage your attempts to stay single until eventually he decides, fuck it, maybe it's HIM who has to give you that baby. You know, just a little mating press and some noncon breeding that he swears is to save your life, it *definitely* isn't that he's totally crazy about you and this just gives him the excuse

You know just totally normal ideas about a totally normal totally sane dude

[gloria123idk]

Yuu is missing home :( (Part 2)

Epel: "Alright ... Oversized grey shirt, short ahh big jeans... And I just need to tie my hair to make them look shorter..."

Deuce: "I think it fits description of Paul"

Epel: "So I just have to be a little gremlin, to fit description PERFECTLY"

Ace: "So, basically nothing new."

Epel: "AHA-!?"

Deuce: "Where did you got this clothing anyway?"

Epel: "Rook's Savanaclaw Era"

Ace: "That's neat"

Epel: "I know. He forgets to close his room"

— — —

Jack: "Does everyone wear oversized shirts in their universe?"

Deuce: "I think so...?"

Ace: "It's fashionable tho, so I cant blame them, also from what I remember Yuu said that their school was public, so it makes sense for teens to walk around in whatever"

Deuce: "True. Also, you got a fake golden chain?"

Jack: "Yup"

Ace: "Bro will look like a pimp."

Deuce/Jack: "ACE-!"

Grim: "Can we finally shut it. I want to finally use it curling iron on him"

Jack: "...I did NOT agreed to this."

Grim: "COME HERE MACHO FURRY!"

Deuce: "Its for Yuu remember...?"

Jack: sigh "Alright..." Sits down so Grim can use curling iron "So I need to be my usual self for this?"

Deuce: "Yeah, just a lot more teen-like and open"

Jack: ". . . I'll try my best"

— — —

Sebek: "I found some hawaiian shirt in Lilia's closet"

Ace: "Found pair of sun glasses?"

Sebek: "YES!"

Deuce: "Oversized pants?"

Sebek: "That too"

Ace: "Alright that was easy..."

Deuce: "I remember Yuu saying that this whole 'Bartek' has mohawk.."

Grim: ". . ." >:D ready with scissors

Sebek: "DONT. DONTDONTDONTDONT."

Grim: "Alright... Your hair already looks like you're a punk"

Sebek: "AHA?!"

Deuce: "... Guys. Calm down. Sebek, remember your persona?"

Sebek: "You just said I need to shut up about Young Master and stop talk like army general from 90'

Ace/Deuce/Grim: "Exactly."

— — —

Ace: "Why am I the only one who reminds Yuu of a girl?..."

Deuce: "Oh cmon... Its just a hoodie and jeans... No dress or skirt, a goddamn tomboy"

Ace: "WHY ANIME HOODIE THO- WHERE TF DID YOU EVEN GOT THAT THING?!"

Deuce: "Ortho."

Ace: "Aha. I forgot Idia exist AND has a brother. Anyway. Im not wearing this."

Deuce: "Cmon... Put your goddamn pride aside for a moment... Its for YUU"

Grim: "Can I tie his hair finally?"

Ace: "... What are you gonna do?"

Grim: "PONYTAIL" >:D

Ace: "HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO HAIR?!"

Grim: "YUU HAS HAIR OF A RECOVERED SCENE GIRL. AND THEY'RE TOO LAZY TO MAKE THEM LOOK AT LEAST SOMEHOW NATURAL"

Ace: "AHA?!

Grim: "COME HERE TRAPPOLA."

Deuce: ". . . " Done with them

Grim/Ace: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Deuce: "..." Sigh "Grim... Ace... Quit it... Remember your persona?"

Ace: "... Literally nothing changes."

Grim: "Just cry more and be smarter"

Ace: "IM NOT GOING TO CRY."

Deuce: "You dont have to"

Ace: "Thank you"

— — —

Deuce: "Alright... Basic black shirt and... camouflage pants"

Ace: "You look like you belong in military"

Deuce: "They said that I remind Yuu of his friend that is in military high school, maybe thats why?"

Ace: "Really?"

Deuce: "Yeah. That's funny, also they said that this so called Kati and Igor were their bestest of friends... And that we are similair in almost every way to them"

Ace: " . . ." feels genuinely honored "GRIM! IS A TYING MY HAIR THING STILL ACTUAL?!"

Grim: appears out of nowhere with hair brush and hair bands "COME HERE TRAPPOLA."

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i have to do i fucking presentation on my bad fucking henry ford essay (way too much info i already knew all that shit) and im not doing that shit fuck no because my goddamn voice is too high and people will laugh and fucking not shut up bc why is a girl called evan and and i cant even play my trumpet for a playing quiz what makes you think my fucking voice will work fucks sake im never going to need to know how to speak in front of a bunch of bitchy middle schoolers who will do nothing but laugh at my fucking appearance and voice i fucking hate school this shit is what made me relapse last time im going to fucking skip idc if i fucking fail i already am fuck you if you think im just okay with this dumbass shit

the suicide rates were so high yoiu put the fucking prevention hotline number on the back of every school issued id and you claim to want to help us then maybe make the goddamn curriculum more flexible i mean god fucking damn its like kids dont have fucking anxiety that nobody believes is real fuck off with your bullshit about caring about us you just want good test scores and good sports players shit like this is why i want to fucking kms

oh and god forbid i express these feelings in any way to trusted staff. they'll send me to counselling who will immediately call my parents which will get my phone taken because its obviously the goddamn phone making me feel this way. even if i tell them to not call my parents they will. and then my mom will go through my texts because shes worried about me and she'll cry and make me feel like shit when she was the one who started this. she'll find out everything. she'll take my binders away because i wear them too long and she'll never let me see friends again adn i'll be homeschooled again bc obviously school is too much.

she'll try to make me talk to her then she'll get mad and cry and yell when i try to say nothings wrong. she fucking hates me anyways. her backup child is fucking failing even though she was the firstborn. she knows her first daughter was the only chance she had at having a successful child because the other one has a shitty attention span and cant fucking spell anything. her baby girl is a fucking failure and she cant fucking accept im not her fucking baby girl anymore.

clearly i dont know what tired feels like. i sleep so much, why am i still tired? must be faking it. i dont know what depression is and i dont know what pain is. i dont know what anxiety is because i just want attention. she cant fucking accept the fact i'm clearly not neurotypical because i fucking have to be or she'll lose all goddamn hope she doesnt have for me.

nobody thinks somethings wrong and i fucking hate it. im the liar because "youre always so happy"

why would someone my age want to die?

fuck off.

[azumasoroshi]

dude im being 100% fr shizaya fanfic writers were and are fucking insane

because my school banned ao3 (my fault, but that's not important), i saved a bunch of super long shizaya fics (which are PLENTIFUL for some reason, maybe because tastewithouttalent wrote so goddamn many) and have them open to entire work which allows it to stay open on my school devices without being “registered” per say

and they have been like. fucking destroying me

To Hell and Back by corteae started with “izaya and shizuo travel around the world and wacky shenanigans happen” and i was messaging my discord server like “SHIZAYA WORLD TOUR WOOOOOOO” and i was expecting wacky shenanigans and then suddenly everything went off the fucking rails in the way i LEAST expected it to happen

like maybe i wouldn’t have been so blindsided if i hadn’t skimmed through the tags so quickly but like it’s more fun that way. i hate when i actually see a ‘major character death’ tag warning because i want to be surprised

ANYWAY that was genuinely like. one of my favorite fanfiction reading experiences to date. it was like reading a whole novel with how much original stuff was in there but it was so focused on izaya and shizuo and characterized them so unexpectedly well that the original stuff never really felt out of place or forced even though it was so wild

and even though it got super dark at times it maintained this really hopeful outlook on everything and sometimes it was downright cheesy but it just WORKS for that fic and i love it because of that

and some of the challenges it made the characters go through just worked SO well for their canon characters especially post-ketsu and i gasped audibly at some of them and Ahrhghgghhfdgfd

and then the past few days i was reading this zombie apocalypse fanfiction (april 23rd by izayas) and it was like. the most depressing fanfiction reading experiences to date. i literally had a panic attack in school after i read this for a bit too long a session like holy shit it just felt so real and so heavy and hopeless

the writing was phenomenal and well-planned/foreshadowed and probably has the best shizuo AND izaya characterization that i’ve ever seen?? like i could believe things would actually happen in this way in canon. probably because their hate for each other is so intrinsic and they’re never really able to let go of that?? which is not what i expected because yes they bond and yes they care for each other but it was always in a way so that you could feel the wall between them, and even when they connect it’s only briefly, never enough to tear them away from their hatred fully

it almost feels shakespearean in how tragic it is?? everything is so character driven and all their downward spiraling is so poetic and sickening but utterly gorgeous to read. like at so many points you’re like GOD if only they had done this one small thing different, if only if only if only and it’s just htrgrhgfhgd drives me insane which is probably what izayas-san was going for lmao. esoecially at the end you can really feel the shakespeare tragedy kicking in

it’s notable that although it’s tagged shizaya and very much centers around their relationship, it’s much more an exploration of the will of human nature and their individual struggles with coping and growing from their experiences, and there’s like. no typical romance whatsoever

it’s about their sick, twisted, passionate love and whether it’s enough to save either of them or if it’ll kill both of them and just. god. i am empty after that fic i didnt cry but it feels like all the tears have been drained from my body i dont even know how to feel or how to function. i had to take a break from writing this review and it’s been a whole weekend and there’s still this weight on my chest that i cant get rid of :sob: for my sanity’s sake i sincerely doubt i could ever read it again but i honestly treasure that experience

ANYWAY READ SHIZAYA FANFICTION IT’S BUIILT DIFFERENT

[slashingdisneypasta]

...

:)

Otis Driftwood

"Hold still, will 'ya?" The mean bastard said- or rather ordered- as he roughly pinned your hips down and still, pushing his cock further inside you. As far as he could go at least; he was already so deep inside you, "The point 'a this is that you don't get to move 'til I'm done. Got it?"

~

Jim Bickerman

His beard scratched at the skin of your cheek, though you could also feel that amused smirk on his face even while he pressed kisses to your cheek. His calloused hands traveled down to your currently bare hips and thighs, letting out a chuckle when you tried to subtly roll your hips on his dick, "Ah, c'mon sugar, just a little longer? I think you need this as much as I do anyway~"

~

Jafar

You let out a content moan as you leaned back against the vizier's chest. It had been such a long and unforgiving day, and now, you two were relaxing with each other; his cock buried balls deep inside your warm cunt, and you were all too happy to enjoy this perfectly full feeling. The sinful purr Jafar let out was enough to make you clench more around him, but then he spoke, "When I am sultan, my first order will be to set aside more time to enjoy my servant more often~"

~

Greasy Weasel

"Mi vida~" His husky voice was laced with lust- more so than usual, he loved it when you were in this state- as he took a break from sucking on your neck to breath in your ear. Not once did he stop rubbing your clit or loosen his grip on the leg he was propping up for you. You could tell with the occasional rocking of his hips that he desperately wanted to start thrusting and chase his own pleasure. But he wouldn't. He knew you needed this right now, "Relax, mi amor~ Just let me take care of you tonight~"

(You probably already know who this is, but I felt like going on anon tonight XD I hope you enjoyed these! ^^)

I... THANK YOU! These hit the exact spot I needed!! I see that cheeky little smile but these genuinely helped so much!! Omg, I was just sitting there reading them and rereading them for like 20 minutes, I swear XD

I had to write more for them!! &lt;;3<3<3<3 I hope that’s okay !

Warnings for, obviously, cockwarming and smutty themes- and also, periods. Also because this is very self-indulgent the reader is an afab female.

Otis B Driftwood:

"Hold still, will 'ya?" The mean bastard said- or rather ordered- as he roughly pinned your hips down and still, pushing his cock further inside you. As far as he could go at least; he was already so deep inside you, "The point 'a this is that you don't get to move 'til I'm done. Got it?"

~

Feeling sleepy, warm and fulfilled, you stretch your arms up and arch your back like a cat before sighing, dropping your arms onto Otis’ shoulders, and nodding. “Yeah,” You yawn, shifting only enough to press your pelvis against his. “I got it… “

“Hmm, lookit that… “He grins cruelly. Being too tired to be scared of him right now, and feeling too lovely and full because the bastard actually has the perfect cock for you besides, you just blink at him; a hazy look on your face.

“Hm?”

“You couldn’t even last 2 seconds keeping fucken still. You’re that dumb.”

Rolling your eyes gently and sighing quickly, you give a sad little pout. “Sorry, Otis… I just… wanted to be closer to you… “

Looking at you like this, so weak and dumb in his lap painting his hard dick red with your cunt-blood, Otis - for once, - gives you a pass. You’re just too fucking cute like this, and feeling so good and hot around him, that he cant bring himself to push you off even for a goddamn second. No. He wouldn’t even let you go if someone walked in and shot at him. You’re gonna sit and squeeze his cock until you’re crying and begging for him to move, and then… well, he probably still won’t. Ha. Sucks to be her.

“… Okay, baby doll,” He smirks, leaning back slowly until he’s lying down, and gestures for you to follow and lay on his chest- which you’re all-too-happy to do, snuggling into him like a hot water bottle. His beard tickles your nose but that just make you smile into his neck, nuzzling into him more and giving him a little kiss. “Stay still okay? Gonna take a nap. Don’t fucken wake me.”

“Okay Otis… love you… “

Jim Bickerman:

His beard scratched at the skin of your cheek, though you could also feel that amused smirk on his face even while he pressed kisses to your cheek. His calloused hands traveled down to your currently bare hips and thighs, letting out a chuckle when you tried to subtly roll your hips on his dick, "Ah, c'mon sugar, just a little longer? I think you need this as much as I do anyway~"

~

Giving a heavy groan, full of exhaustion and frustration, you settle more closely into Jim’s lap with your legs draped around his hips, and wrap your arms around his neck; Hugging him close and burying your head in his shoulder. You nod. “You’re right about that… “

“Relax, honey, I’ll take care a’ you.” Not that its going to be easy at all, he thinks, shifting uncomfortably at the feeling of your sweet little cunt bleeding and throbbin’ round him. He’s gonna try, though. For you. You just looked so damn worn out when you came home, complaining about the people you work with and your cramps, and the smile you gave him was so tired- he just wanted to cheer you up.

You laughed at his jokes when he tried to do it that way, but you were still so exhausted and droopy- so, plan B.

He loved plan B, but goddamn was it torture.

“… knew I kept you around for a reason… “You mumble, grinning into his flannel.

“Yeah, happy to remind you.” That rouses a chuckle out of you, before you take in a sharp, deep breath, and sit up straight again. Jim’s eyebrows furrow, and he’s about to reach out for you again to relax- but you’re just reaching back to unclip your bra and slip it out of the bottom of your shirt. You chuck it off to the corner of the room, flashing him a side eye afterwards.

“… don’t get any ideas.” You joke, your grin already becoming lighter and less frustrated.

Giving a shrug back and a wide-eyed ‘innocent’ look, Jim shakes his head. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.”

You lean forward and rest yourself against him again, curling into him and burying your nose in his shoulder once more; Closing your eyes and giving a pleased sigh when he slips his hands under the back of your shirt.

Jafar:

You let out a content moan as you leaned back against the vizier's chest. It had been such a long and unforgiving day, and now, you two were relaxing with each other; his cock buried balls deep inside your warm cunt, and you were all too happy to enjoy this perfectly full feeling. The sinful purr Jafar let out was enough to make you clench more around him, but then he spoke, "When I am sultan, my first order will be to set aside more time to enjoy my servant more often~"

~

“Perhaps we’ll stow away every month for an entire week… “He goes on, smirking hotly against the side of your head. “… I do love it when you bleed… “

“Yeah, fucking really helps with cramps… I feel so much better already… “Turning your head, you give Jafar a little kiss on the corner of his mouth; Twisting his beard around your fingers.

At this, Jafar pauses. “… well, that’s obviously a bonus.”

“Ha.” You say, rolling your eyes and letting go of his beard, resting back against his chest again; His body heat amazing against your lower back. Your eyes slowly fall closed, your head resting back against one of his broad shoulders. It feels so good…

With your knees bent and pointed towards the ceiling, your pussy - stretched around Jafar’s cock, coating it in slick and heavy flow, - is bare and Jafar takes this as an opportunity to reach around and use two fingers to stroke your sensitive lips around his length- just as a ‘bonus’.

Immediately your lips fall open and breathy moans start to slip from you while he grins and watches you writhe. You are beautiful, especially in this state - a mess from such a long, terrible day and all his, -, in your rightful place spread across his regal lap. Keeping him hot and wet, filling his ears with your sweet sounds… completely exposed and practically belonging to him.

… You were born a lowly servant… but it’s obvious you were meant to be his Sultana. And he will get you there.

Greasy Weasel:

"Mi vida~" His husky voice was laced with lust- more so than usual, he loved it when you were in this state- as he took a break from sucking on your neck to breath in your ear. Not once did he stop rubbing your clit or loosen his grip on the leg he was propping up for you. You could tell with the occasional rocking of his hips that he desperately wanted to start thrusting and chase his own pleasure. But he wouldn't. He knew you needed this right now, "Relax, mi amor~ Just let me take care of you tonight~"

~

“Greas-yyy… “

“I know, I know… “Tilting his head and focusing in on your pretty little cunt, all pink and spread around him, his thumb skilfully keeping you at just the right place without making you cum. He may not have as much experience with the ladies that he would like, but he does know you and your body… He could play you like a fiddle if he wished to. And usually, he does. “I’ve got you, mi amore… “

But tonight is about you. You’ve had such a long couple of days, Smartass has pushed you too hard in his opinion, especially in your current state~… you just need a little bedroom time with him, though, and you’ll feel so much better. He’s sure.

“I-… I love you… This feels so good… “Your fingers curl into the fabric of his suit jacket, pulling him adorably closer- god, mierda… you really are irresistible in this state~ So needy, and whiny… It’s taking all he has to not ravage you. Screw you, until you’re a shaking mess and the other boys can all hear you shamelessly begging for him~... “Thank… you… “

“Of course, Y/N… “Greasy looks up, then, at your beautiful face, and can’t help leaning in to give you a kiss on the corner of your mouth. You just look so sweet, and pliant… God, he loves you. He has it so bad. Do you even know what you’ve done to him?? “Any time.”

You pull him back, then, to kiss you properly and fuck- mierda- damnit- you kiss him right now just as needily as you sound; Your lips warm and perfect, sucking against his as your tongue licks greedily along his. He allows himself to kiss you back as nastily as he wants to fuck you, swallowing your cute moans and feeling his cock twitch inside you.

Oh no no no! Immediately Greasy rips his mouth away from you, pressing his forehead against yours, breathing heavily and focusing for a moment on just bringing himself back from the brink; Getting a hold of himself. No, no. No cumming yet.

Not until you do.

[bobasnonbeliever]

only posting this here because i dont think anyone will see it. i need to get this out

im so fucking tired of my life. im tired of caring, like, in general. as stupid as it sounds, i was watching kitchen nightmares, and gordon said something about a chef or an owner, i dont remember exactly, he said; "losing hope is a scary thing to do, when theres just no more light at the end of the tunnel, it takes you down dark paths." or something like that. and ive been suicidal/depressed since i was 9, but i thought to myself "im not hopeless, am i?". the more i thought about it, the worse i felt because, god no, im not hopeless. im helpless, or maybe i wallow too much in my own self pity. i dont know the difference. every goddamn day feels like another waking nightmare, im sick of living with my mom, im sick of her not letting me get a job. i dont want my name on the damn electric bill because shes over $1,000 in debt to the power company anymore. shes already ruining my credit, and i dont even have a damn job! not to mention her fucking kid, her 5yo fucking kid, im taking care of. the product of the man who beat me over and over again, threatened to kill me, and then he took a greyhound bus out of our lives. why didnt she protect me? he never once hit her, or anyone else, why didnt mom help me? i was only 13 when he first pulled me by my hair and slammed me into the stairs because i let moms ice cream tub melt on the kitchen table for half an hour. it took him till my brother was 3 to leave. she valued him over me, and even now. im always taking care of my brother, even when he screams at me, cusses at me, throws things at me, spits on me, hits me, kicks me, claws me, bites me, and more. you get the point. she never even tells him to stop, she doesnt have to scream, or hurt him, or anything. just please, please tell them to stop hurting me. i still take care of him. i take care of him when she takes 20 fucking benadryl and passes out for the full time shes at home between shifts. i sacrificed my education to "help her" take care of him. and she gets mad at me when i parent him, when i tell him off, or even more mad when i have to cry and beg him to stop hurting me. she says "youre 22 years old, get a grip" when im covered in bruises from the 5 year old "hes five!" she will scream when i tell her he hurts me. "he is five, hes supposed to listen to you" i said once, and she just stared at me. im always fucking things up, she never fails to let me know, when she looks at me like that i know its my fault. i cant even begin on my relationship, i shouldnt, he might see this. i just want to give up, im so tired of caring, i want to let it all go. my dog died, i ruined him too, i couldnt take him to the vet i couldnt help him. hes gone because i failed. my baby, im not saying that in the cringy melinial way, he saved me from suicide. so many times, it was "hell be so confused why im gone..", "hes gonna miss me", "whos gonna take care of him?" but now hes gone and im still here. my baby, is gone and im so selfishly still here. why wouldnt she let me get a job? i couldve taken him, i couldve at least got him put down so he didnt have to suffer in his favourite spot on my bed till his kidneys put him down for us. if i didnt know, my boyfriend would kill himself too when he comes home from classes tomorrow, and i was dead, i would take the entire 160 count bottle of benadryl i stole from moms room. i want to see my baby, he never ever missed on helping me, i owe him my life and couldnt even give him that when he passed. but not for lack of trying.

but even so, i dont feel hopeless. maybe only yearning, but it feels enough like hope. when i use my right hand to stroke my left cheek and neck, it almost feels like someone else. i get a glimmer of a thought, "one day, i wont have to beg to be taken care of. someone will do it because they want to.", but still, it hurts worse. i dont know how i can possibly derive so much gut wrenching pain from that little bit of hope, but i do. and still, i cant help myself, i cant blame anyone else. i can only hope someone will come save me. if i could handle this all on my own, i wouldnt be here typing this.

i want to decompose.

writing this after that monster of a textblock in the tags, but if you were wondering. im not exaggerating about the mess, and i wouldnt normally judge. because i have had worse bedrooms, mental illness is a bitch. but its in the common area, and she absolutely does make the 5yo live in it. she moved out to the living room after their room was too trashed for her to even walk in, so she toated her 50" fucking tv right out there and hasnt moved, accept to go to work, since. everyone pray or cross your fingers or send me some good energy to hope she gets sliced into a million pieces at work instead of accidentally oding on bennies so i can raise my brother with her life insurance money.

[despiterage]

i feel like such a failure, honestly. and i'm so disillusioned with everything. i've worked the same job for 10 years, plus whatever garbage assignments they don't want to pay a proper amount for other people to do. i barely got paid enough to break even before a bunch of expenses came up, and now i'm slipping backward. there are so few other options for me; fewer still with even the minimal benefits i receive.

i've had to watch my multimillionaire boss snatching up land and building up dozens of new properties and having mcmansions built for all of his family while we havent gotten raises in ages, nor the bonuses we used to get for our efforts and loyalty. yet the community--who have never had to work for the man--expects us all to lick his boots and be grateful for how kind they perceive him to be to us. it doesnt feel real in the very worst way.

i don't have any irl friends. like ACTUAL friends. i have coworkers that i get along with well enough at work, but no one i can be my real self with. no one i trust with all that entails and no one i would call a friend, fullstop.

i am truly fearful of most of my family and their violent rhetoric and right wing ideology, so opening up to any of them--even the ones im not afraid of--is fully off the table.

i cant keep my space clean. i thought i had a decent handle on it, but while i was at work today a family member had to let a repairman inside to work on something. and bless her, i know she meant well. but when she messaged me to tell me she was cleaning, bc the place is a mess, i just... felt so hollowed out. so goddamn ashamed and numb.

i cant afford any sort of mental health treatment. when i was younger and still on my parents insurance, i'd been put on trial runs of a whole host of different antidepressants and literally only one combo worked at all, but it cost like 700 a month WITH INSURANCE and i felt so guilty about it that i refused to fill the script at the pharmacy. i cant even dream of paying that now.

i dont sleep worth shit. it takes me hours and hours to fall asleep at night; i sometimes sleep decently during the day when i can get a nap in--and after it takes me ages to actually fall asleep--but i am always playing catch up. bc when you cant fall asleep until 1, and you have to be up and out the door to go to work by 4:30, a nap here and there doesnt really make a dent in things. and really only further serves to fuck up my circadian rhythm. bc then, regardless of when i go to bed, i fall asleep even later.

my depression. and my fatigue. and my burnout. they all keep me from doing things i enjoy. things that might recharge me. i feel like im barely functioning 9 days out 10. like im just going through the motions. i feel like my skills are crumbling in my hands.

i cant even cry anymore. i think it would help, in a way.

[artistic-intrxvert]

hot take: reader who is a friend of nene's (and observant), gets dragged along for cleaning, decides to stick around, pays too much attention and reads the squinty-romance of hananene and gets jealous?

Cuz that's the plotline of most of my daydreams for this fandom and I'm curious how you would take it? If you don't want to write it that's okay! Also sorry if this sounds forceful

Hihi! I love this idea sm- I actually added some plot of my own into it as well I hope you don’t mind 👀 It is not forceful at all!! :) None of you ever make me feel like I am forced to write and I want to let you know that. I love writing for you lovely, valid human beings out there :) I am sorry this is out WAY later than I anticipated! I have been so busy lately hahah- Hope you enjoy and have a good day/night!! <3

Warnings: jealousy(does that even count??), Angst but it turns to fluff i promise :), and swearing (bc why not lol)

Proofread: yes💅

Prompt: Hanako with a S/O who is jealous of Nene and Hanako

You made your way to the old school building since it was the end of the day and you had to help clean the bathrooms with Nene. You don't even know why you come with anyways, though the reason could be that you took a liking to a certain ghost boy.

You would never admit it but you were jealous of the relationship that Nene had with the seventh wonder. He would get all close and touchy with her, and all she would do is say that she doesn’t like him like that. What really got to you was while she stated that she didn’t feel that way, she always seemed flustered or embarrassed.

It made sense, though. They seemed to get along, the ghost and the girl. Nene had come in to school one day telling you about how she made a wish to this.. “Hanako-San of the toilet”. Yeah..you were a tiny bit confused on what the hell she was talking about. Your words, exactly. She just looked at you nervously and said that they are good friends now.

That got you thinking, what was her wish? She never did quite tell you. All that she had mentioned was that it had something to do with romance. Wait a minute..could she have wished to be his girlfriend? It would make sense..kind of. Hanako is always flirting with her, touchy and whispers in her ear, which causes her face to heat up and scold him while he laughs his ass off.

But at the same time, she claims that she doesn’t like him like that. This was all so confusing to you. Perhaps Hanako was just one of those friends who likes to flirt with everyone. If so, why did he never flirt with you? It just didn’t make sense. Occasionally Hanako would give you a little tease but that’s about it. He would often stare at you, though. While you think it could mean something, you decide against it.

One time Nene got you all in trouble with the Misaki Stairs ghost (which you eventually ended up becoming friends with and you talk to her a lot) and you remember meeting up with them at the bottom of the boundary.

“..I am still in a bond..” or something like that

Those were Hanako’s words. A bond? What could that mean? The more you thought about it the more it all started to come together. They had a connection with each other. That had to be it. That must be why they are such good friends, but wouldn’t Nene tell you? It would have been easier if she just said it instead of trying to hide it from you.

Your walking came to an abrupt halt. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Hanako clearly took a liking to the girl, therefore you should let go..but you can’t. You cant let go, you’ve tried so hard to not let your feelings get in the way of their “bond”, but it never worked. No matter how goddamn hard you try, you end up liking him all the same.

You felt tears fill the rim of your eye lids. Seriously..? You were crying over this? Before you could even scold yourself you realize where your feet had halt. You read the familiar sign that read ‘Girl’s Restroom’. Well, there is no turning back now, you suppose. You could try to skip cleaning but you tried that once, they found you within five minutes.

You wiped your eyes and took a deep breath. It’s going to be fine, just try to think of something else, You told yourself. Pushing all of your feelings down, you entered the bathroom to hear arguing.

“BUT WHAT IF THEY TRIED TO SKIP CLEANING AGAIN?!” Nene’s voice echoed throughout the bathroom. Before you could announce that you didn’t skip cleaning, you saw Kou turn and look at you with a smile.

“(Name)! There you are! Yahsiro thought you skipped cleaning again but I told her you wouldn’t do that!” Kou turned back to Nene, “See? I told you they’d be fine!”

Nene rolled her eyes but looked at you with a soft grin and looked relieved that you were here. “I was worried about you! Where were you, by the way?” She questioned, letting her head tilt to the side.

“O-oh uhm..I got sidetracked, heh..” You said with a nervous look. The two of them looked at you with suspicion but let it slide. “Wait..where’s Hanako? Isn’t he supposed to be here?”

The two, again, glanced at each other. This time they looked like they were anxious about something. “We thought you knew where he was? Did he not go out to find you?” Kou questioned, a worried look on his face. Nene stared at you, worry and concern filling her eyes. She seemed to care a whole lot that Hanako was nowhere to be found. But, didn’t Kou seem worried too?

“I haven’t..I haven’t seen him today. Are you sure he went to look for me?” You asked, worry entangled in your voice. Nene looked like she was truly in a state of panic and fear. “I..I’m not sure anymore. When we entered the bathroom,” she glanced towards Kou.

“He wasn’t here, we assumed he went to look for you or something,” Kou finished her sentence. Now this was interesting. Hanako is normally waiting for you all to help clean, even Kou. It’s strange and unlike him to just disappear without anyone knowing where he went.

“Well, if we don’t know where he is, should we stay here or should we go look for him?” You questioned, looking for answers between the two individuals that stood before you. Kou stepped forward placing a hand on your shoulder, “It’s probably best to stay here. Although it’s unlike him to just..not be here, he’s probably just out for a meeting or something. I’m sure it will all be fine, (Name).”

Kou was always there for you, no matter what crazy things may be happening. You could hate his best friend and he would still be by your side. He's a good person to talk to and that's why he's the only one that you've told about your crush on Hanako to.

“Well, if you two want to wait here, that’s fine. But I am going to go look for him.” Before either of you could tell her not to and that you should just stay put, she had already dropped her mop and darted out the door.

You glanced over at Kou, curious as to what your next move should be. You opened your mouth to say something but couldn't even begin your sentence before you watch Kou run out the door after Nene. So much for having someone you trust by your side, you think yourself.

You let out a quiet sigh and decided it would be best to help them look, couldn't hurt anything to try. You walked out of the bathroom, mentally preparing yourself in case Hanako decides to jump out and scare you.

He's done that before, you know. One time you were on your way to help Yashiro clean and he jumped out from behind a set of lockers and scared the absolute shit out if you. You look upon that day constantly, hoping he never does that again.

Walking down the corridors of the old building was never your favorite part. It was easier when you were headed to the bathroom for cleaning but since everyone had left to go home except for those in clubs, it was quieter than usual. No students rushing to get to their classes, no whispers about friends behind their back. It all just felt so strange.

The silence of the hallways were starting to freak you out, so you decided to call out Hanako's name. Surely that will catch his attention right? Anytime you'd been in danger and you or someone else called out his name, Hanako showed up within seconds.

"Hanako? Where are you? This isn't funny.." Your voice rang out through the halls. Echoes filled your ears, but there wasn't any sound that wasn't your own bouncing off of the walls. Where could he have gone?

You were now by one of the staircases. Before you could enter, you heard laughter and scolding coming from what sounded like two voices. You'd recognize those voices from anywhere! Nene had found Hanako! Thank God, you were starting to get worried.

"Aww, were you really that worried about me?" Hanako spoke in a teasing tone, hands pinching Nene's cheeks. "Yes, and so was (Name). Speaking of, I left them and Kou in the bathroom so we should go back to them before they start to-" she was cut off by Hanako tilting her head up towards his face.

Your heart stopped, eyes widened at the scene before you. Although they didn't actually kiss and Hanako was just teasing, it looked like they kissed to you. Your eyes started to tear up for the second time that day. This time you let them fall.

Nene tried moving her head out of Hanako's hand and noticed you standing there, tears rolling down your cheeks as you stood with a look of betrayal and pain. "(Name)! What's wrong? Did something happen?" She called out to you, but as soon as she finished her sentence you took off where you came.

Hanako turned around just in time to see you run out the door. "(Name)?" He called out but you had ready taken off and your footsteps were getting further and further away. "What just happened?" Hanako looked towards Nene, hoping she had answers.

She didn't say anything as she ran up the stairs and in the direction you went in hope of getting to you. Hanako was left alone in the stairwell. He pulled his hat down slightly and his Haku-joudai twirled around him as he disappeared.

Hanako reappeared in the bathroom, hoping he'd find you there. Instead he found Kou and Nene arguing with each other. "I thought you said you saw them!" Kou shouted. "I did! But then they left without a word and the worst part is they were crying! I don't know where they went!" Nene fired back.

"QUIET! Both of you.." Hanako pushed the two away from each other. He cleared his throat before begining again. "Now, would someone please explain to me what is going on and where (Name) is?"

"I don't know where they are, but I saw them by the top of the stairwell earlier and they looked like they were crying. I asked them what was wrong but they ran off.." Nene said, guilt seething through her voice.

"Hm..well I guess we better go look for them, shouldn't we?" Hanako replied, grabbing both of their wrists and pulling them out of the bathroom to begin the search.

-

You found yourself crying on the Misaki Stairs, making sure you don't touch the fourth step. Yako came by earlier thinking some random person was on the stairs but once she saw you she sat down and attempted to calm you down.

You let out another soft cry as she sat next to you, rubbing your back in a comforting manner. She had gone into her human form not long after she sat next to you.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, she sounded like she didn't want to be there but you knew she was trying her best. "I guess, it wouldn't hurt to talk about it," you said in between sniffles.

So you explained what had happened, that you had feelings for the honorable no.7 and that you saw him kiss Nene, not leaving out a single detail. "Hm..sounds to me like your out of luck kid. No.7 is a tricky person, I've found. Very pushy, hypocritical, and only cares about himself. If I were you, I'd find someone better," she said, turning back into a fox.

You looked at her with shock but you couldn't say she was wrong. Hanako was tricky person, that boy. He was always trying to get people to tell him all for their secrets but never told a single thing about himself. Now that you think of it, maybe it is all kind of stupid-

"(Name).."

You looked up and saw him, the one person you hoped wouldn't see you like this. There he stood, in all of his ghostly glory. He looked concerned and worried but most of all he looked hurt. What could have hurt him? You wouldn't know.

"Hanako? What are you doing here?" You asked wiping your face with your hands, an attempt to get rid of your tears. Yako looked between the two of you before turning around and running up the stairs, out of view and to wherever those halls lead.

"Nevermind that, what is wrong? Did something happen?" He crouched in front of you, looking into your sad, puffy eyes. You felt yourself having butterflies with how close he was, but you shake off the feeling. "No, nothing happened. I just..nevermind, it's stupid and doesn't matter anyway-"

You began to step off the stairs and walk away before you feel someone grab your wrist and soon enough you have been pinned against the wall. You face instantly flushed. Hanako didn't look angry, but now you understand why he looks hurt. He's hurt that you are in pain and feel like you can't talk to him.

"Tell me what's wrong...please?" He took one of his hands and placed it against the side of your face, gently stroking his thumb in a comforting manner. "I...I got jealous.." you started, tears prickling your eyes once more. "I saw that you kissed Nene and I just...I just wish you would flirt with me the way you do with her or be touchy with me. Hell, I wish you would kiss me the way you kiss her..but I know you're in a bond with her so I know it's not possi-" you were cut off by his finger against your lips.

"Why didn't you just say so, dear? I would have happily kissed you earlier if I knew you liked me too~" he spoke in a teasing tone that also felt genuine. You smiled, tears finally leaked, a tint of pink on your face. Hanako was quick to wipe them with a smile.

"Wait, like back? If you liked me, then why did you kiss Yashiro earlier?" You questioned.

He chuckled and said, "Oh, sweet (Name), I didn't kiss her. I was teasing her as I usually do, but to you that must have been seen as a smooch, hm?"

You let out a soft chuckle and wrapped your arms around Hanako. "I guess it was the angle then, huh? I'm glad you feel the same, though. I didn't know how much longer I could go before I pulled you to the side one day and kissed you myself." You teased back, an attempt to fluster him that seemed to work.

Or so you thought. He leaned his head down towards your ear and whispered, "Whats stopping you from doing that right now?" Your face flushed and before you could say anything you heard the voices of Kou and Nene, calling your and Hanako's names.

You pulled away before immediately running towards them in attempt to escape what you thought was about to become a flirt war between you and Hanako. "Everything alright, (Name)? You seemed pretty upset earlier.." Nene asked. You smiled and said, "Yep! I was just a little worried about something is all."

Hanako floated over and butted in after you. "Yep! They're just fine! Now, let's go back to cleaning! Those toilets aren't going to clean themselves!" He said with such a high level of enthusiasm. Kou and Nene groaned but began walking back towards the bathroom.

You walked behind them as Hanako clung onto you the whole way back to the bathroom. Heh, you were never going to hesitate to help Nene clean again.

-

I am SO sorry that this came out late! The gods of motivation have disappeared randomly but they have returned and I hope to get my other requests done as well! Hope you enjoyed and hope you have an amazing New Year, everyone!

-artistic-intrxvert

[rhythmmortis]

imstill thinking. i want to know so much. Which is ur favorite trio. Ur favorite kh game. Favorite kh world. Whats ur favorite kh headcanon. Thoughts on axel

fave trio: this one is hard but im gonna have to go with wayfinder trio because aqua and terra my beloveds....... the autism duo........ (and also ventus is there and he's cool but i am more focused on aqua and terra because i have so many fucking thoughts about them. where did they come from. how long have they been training and how much do they know about keyblades and history since they were presumably studying. what specifically made them be chosen. i am so excited for their future in the series because AOUGHHH). since i think the series might be headed towards a shift in the 'light good darkness bad' mindset where light might serve as a slightly antagonistic role (what with the whole keykids fighting over light and whatever the fuck is up with MoM, also i think it would just be cool), i think aqua and terra and ven are kinda the perfect trio to explore that with. there's also them ACTUALLY dealing with the aftermath of bbs (since we never really got that!! and i wanna see how their dynamic actually is, how do they deal with the fallout of those events like terra killing eraqus, aqua not trusting ven, ven still technically being pure of heart?) and how aqua is gonna handle basically being the successor the eraqus (especially since aqua BECOMING a master and not terra was part of why shit fell apart. theres drama to be had (even though in bbs xehanort does call terra 'master terra', its just to trick him into trusting him more yes BUT xehanort is still a master. to our knowledge all it takes to name a master is another master seeing them pass some sort of arbitrary test and saying they are. yes xehanort is evil but he is still a master. making terra technically one too. and i wonder how he would feel about that title still, as its everything he wanted but thats how he got it)). i have so many thoughts on them all but it's very chaotic and disorganised so i will move on fkhfdkjh

fave kh game: bbs i love you so so so so much my beloved wonderful game!!! ive talked about this a bit before but bbs is very accessible for me to play since you can choose your own moves and commands so you have a good degree of customisation with how you play, you can choose if your finishers have QTEs (since my hands are kinda shit, i cant really do QTEs or input heavy things, so being able to choose if i want to or not is amazing), command board is actually quite fun and a fun way to level up commands without having to go into combat so you can take a break but still enjoy it, i enjoy the movement options and how varied they are between characters, and its easy to move between commands on the command deck (im looking at you ddd. why do i have to use the goddamn D-PAD). aside from actual gameplay, while the story is a bit clunky at times and theres DEFINITELY room for improvement, i still find it quite endearing and theres some REALLY fucking good moments in there i still think about so often. the fact that terra's final fight is a fight we as the player know he cant win but he fights regardless. and then sprouts a stupid little cape like its from a tissue dispenser for the sake of continuity. terra's voice genuinely cracking slightly when he's crying after he kills eraqus. aqua calling vanitas a freak. the extra chapters in the bbs novel that add so much depth to vanitas and ventus (which isnt in the game but its still so good regardless). the entirety of the secret chapter in aquas route. the vanitas remnant fight (you find what's left of this sad kid, beat him up, and steal his keyblade). good fucking game

fave kh world: for some goddamn reason this is also bbs worlds. what the fuck is wrong with me. it's either land of departure (which we literally know basically NOTHING about and i am so curious about it) or the realm of darkness SPECIFICALLY in the secret chapter.

(^one of many insane ramblings i sent to my friend after playing bbs again and again) when you first start the secret chapter, you're put in a place right after that scene on the bridge thing in the realm of darkness where aqua gets surrounded by the darksides. if you turn around, you can still see it slightly but you physically cannot go back. you can never go back. and being able to see it gives me this really weird feeling like im being watched or followed, and who's to say that she isn't!! the darkness is always lurking!! after that message i also mentioned that while enemies can drop potions and stuff, its never a guarantee and you are constantly fighting for even the smallest chance of surviving, if that can even be called surviving. your most valuable item that you have (if you have any left) are the ice creams that can trigger command style changes. disney world, the place you get them, is one of the brightest, happiest worlds, and once youre in the realm of darkness, you cannot get any more. you're essentially trading fleeting memories of a happier time as a desperate attempt to stay afloat (you can tell im a kh fan because im essentially thinking about A SECOND TRAGIC ICE CREAM). its a futile and tragic experience which, while 0.2 also has the realm of darkness, the secret episode has such a specific feeling to it i cannot stop thinking about

fave kh headcanon: this one is actually pretty hard because there's so many and i have been losing my mind over other things recently BUT. theres so many headcanons about physical appearance that i love (brown eyes for ALL please put those blue things away, freckles for sora, namine, terra, and a few others, XEMNAS WITH CURLY/WAVY HAIR which is from one panel in the days manga where he's just slightly distorted by water but like. its a good fucking idea, giving characters their normal skin tone back. im looking at you ssbu sora v kh1 sora. they took my boy's melanin (which isnt really a headcanon and more of a genuine anger at the whitewashing), scar headcanons for kairi and sora from where they died, etc). current favourite headcanon is either: aqua using more strategic fighting styles (with teleporation being a BIG part of her bbs moveset, like her unique teleport dodge, her ultimate finisher being teleport spike, and a unique command style being ghost drive) and that either playing into either her feeling detached from everything like a ghost (ghost drive) after being stuck in the realm of darkness for a decade or since these moves leave after images, maybe her developing a fear of isolation (or HERSELF especially given mirror aqua in 0.2), kairi also training with terra because i want her to fight like a fucking TANK instead of being more magic focused. i want her to kill (and if we get a rikai teamup, i think mage riku and tank kairi is such a fun idea), OR the current headcanon/connection of xion to the cavern of rememberance (i talked about it in the tags in this post), but i know theres so many ive had over the years that i genuinely cannot think of right now fkhfdkjh

thoughts on axel: the organisation's assassain. they chose HIM to be the babysitter. and then those kids said 'i could make him feel emotions after a decade of feeling detached from everything' and they did!! they gave him a heart!! but i LOVE thinking about axel during com and i think its the closest we'll probably see of his actual job as an assassain. he AIR FRIED A MAN (and i think in the manga he used his chakrams to physically attack instead). he 'betrayed' larxene and marluxia so easily. he wasn't afraid to go through namine to fight marluxia (that scene where marluxia uses her as a human shield, you can actually visibly see namine shaking in fear and rewatching some com scenes to get gif footage REALLY made me remember that its literally just Kingdom Hearts: Namine's No Good Very Bad Day) but he had NO hesitation. he ordered repliku to STRANGLE zexion. needless to say, this is all treated very casually for him that it makes me think what he mustve done during his time in the organisation to get the status as an assassain. he treats murder as an 'icky job', but on the flipside, when we see him actually care about something, it's just that same drive and motivation but used for his own personal goals (tracking down xion, following roxas in the kh2 prologue which is terrifying without context), but MAN. seeing him from a detached perspective without context is like 'holy shit this guy is scary' and then you play days or read the manga and anything else with him and you realise he's so sillies. wonderful guy 10/10

[gloria123idk]

My Yuu headcanons, but its just self insert because why the f not

• Their name is actually Wojtek/Wojciech, but because of language barrier and the fact that barely anyone could sound that out, they went with something easier to say and spell

• They had a girlfriend in their normal world and they miss her, on Valentines day they were crying the whole day, because they couldn't see her

• They're Genderfluit (he/she/they) and Omnisexual (Happy Pride Month btw to everyone ✌️)

• Ace and Deuce reminds them of their two friends from their world and sometimes calls Ace 'Kati' by accident (similair personality and they're both GINGER)

• Have strenght to pick up an adult man, but has so low stamina to the point they cant run more than 50m without being tired (yet is still great at football)

• Is good at math somehow without studying, but sucks at potions 💀 (To my chemistry teacher seeing this, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME 2 AT THE END OF SEMESTER 🙏🙏🙏)

• Very often compares people from NRC to people they known in their world to feel better (sometimes it works and sometimes causes misunderstandings)

• Has memory of a gold fish 😭

• Often wonders how tf is this school still standing

• Likes gacha, rpg's, open world and rhythm games (and is probably autistic, but that's still under discussion)

• Insulting and annoying others as a love language. They plan to AND they will call you out for no goddamn reason and they will later apologize, because they feel bad

• Wears glasses and Ace often steals them

"Can you see something?"

"Not at all."

"How many fingers am I holding?" ✌️

"...4?"

"Bruh."

• Swears like crazy for no reason. When they're in Heartslabyul they do this in their native language (Riddle has ears in walls I swear 💀)

• Doesn't know how to cook, but knows how to bake somehow? Cant fuck up cake but somehow fucked up Dango to the point they were hard as stones 😭

• Wakes up either at 4 am or 10 am. No inbetween. And also will send their friends the most random shit at 4 am, just so they could wake up in morning, read it and already start question their existence (Main victims are Ace, Deuce, Epel, Idia (the only one who answer immidiately most of the time 💀) and Kalim)

• Them and Idia have ✨Yapping session✨ where they just yap about their interested for few hours and them they go silent

• Is genuinely scared of Floyd and Jade and is ready to kick their balls at any moment, when they're in 5 miles radius

• Has 176cm of height and is also the youngest out of First Years

• Will do mostly EVERYTHING if you just tell them that they 'Dont have balls'

• Helps sometimes at Films Researcher Club in technical stuffs when there is no one from Ignihyde, in normal world, they were in advertising technician high school

( Why did I made this? I dunno. But... Now you know some stuff about me now?? I guess?)

[googiewatch]

Because I want more representation, I want more AU stories about autistic people, here are some prompts!!!

Alternative Universes.

Library AU: i can't reach this book and i have to leave this goddamn library with this book read, you are looking at me and giggling a bit, you help me because you're taller and then i realize, you're holding a book about autism and self discovery, and wait you're autistic too?

other route with the first one, ''no no, a person in my family is autistic and i want to help them''' ''then i don't recommend... that book if you're educating yourself about autism''

High school AU: im in the special education classroom trying to calm down from a meltdown, when i see you trying to calm down from a shutdown while watching a video of your special interest,, and when the meltdown passes, i talk to you and you are currently non-speaking, but either way i encourage you to text me about your special interest since it seems that it calms you down.

Alien: yes you may be the alien coming from another planet, but youre so extroverted and it seems that i am the alien here since i cant understand how to talk to people, and how people work and how relationships works and why the hell are you laughing.

Dance AU: my vestibular system is shit yet you are still trying to teach me how to dance, please I CAN'T.

Childhood friends AU: we haven't seen each other in a very long time, but hey i have to tell you that i was diagnosed, i am autistic. youre laughing because you knew, YEARS AGO that i could be autistic, how the FUCK did you knew ??? i couldn't even tell!

Zombie Apocalypse AU: ah yes, the beloved zombie apocalypse where is sensory heaven for me, no sounds, no bright lights since it could attract zombies, no ambulance/police sirens, just plain silence! and please for god's sake do not use a gun to kill zombies!!!

Powers AU: you can turn yourself invisible, and it triggers when you have a strong emotion, you're also non verbal, so, many times i suddenly don't know where are you.

Idol AU: everyone mistakes you by a serious person/rude for not looking at people's eyes, not laughing at jokes (but you seriously do not understand them) at fan meetings, but i just know you're autistic.

Dragons/Monster AU: i have come here to kill you, you nefast dragon/monster! and then i realize you are an autistic shapeshifting human, who cannot controls when you transform (it triggers when you feel a strong emotion aka at meltdowns), and was kicked out from town because people thought you were a demon since you had 0 social skills, and used to be very violent at meltdowns and you didn't knew the social rules in the town, so people thought you were a devil little kid who was there to cause chaos, you were exiliated when you were a teenager, and has been living alone in a cave in the mountain since then. and why the hell are you crying for? weren't you here to kill me?

Soulmate AU: ''You get a craving for whatever your soulmate is eating at the time.'' but you eat -samefood- every single day can you really eat something else please?

Witch AU: you're a witch, im your shapeshifting familiar, and the day goes by because you're so asocial you live alone in the forest so its just you and me, living togetheeeer.

Werewolves AU: im autistic and i fucking love how soft your fur is, and it calms me down in my meltdowns, please live with me, no why would i be afraid of you?

[bellysoupset]

i’ve been acting delulu about the whole wen+vin fight that we all knew was coming up, kinda like completely ignoring it was a thing and all your warnings bc im #notemotionallystrong and i liked pretending it wasn’t gonna happen to cope <3333 BUT AHHHHH after this last fic IM LITERALLY FULL ON SOBBING (IN PUBLIC) WHAT THE FUCKKKK SOUP😭😭😭 you’re so mean (lovingly) 😩 FR IM SO SAD I LOVE MY BABIES SO MUCH THIS IS AWFUL BUT ALSO THE FIGHT WAS SO WELL WRITTEN😭 AND LIKE SO UPSETTING AND UNCOMFY BC OF HOW REAL IT FELT idk how to explain it but it’s like hearing my parents (aka my best friends who’ve been together forever LOL) fight LMAO sobbing 😩😩😩 and also OMG I AUDIBLY GASPED AND HAD TO LOOK AWAY WHEN I READ THE PHONE NOTIFICATIONS THING AND REALISED IT WAS LEO’S TEXT like if there was a terrible way to find out it was THIS 😭😭😭😭😭 BABY GIRL THINKING EVERYONE HAS KNOWN FOR MONTHS???? AND THEN VIN SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF???? AND JUST TALK??? (a lil too late tho buddy but also I GET IT GOSHHHH) AND THEN BOTH SOBBING GODDDD I CANT I CANT this is so devastating amazing job boo‼️

OMG AND ALSO THE OTHER FICS? i hadn’t commented on them bc i was waiting for this one to react to everything but GODDAMN????? LUKE POOR BUB all feverish spilling everything??? and their reactions🥺🥺🥺🥺 (also side note jon so worried about luke was beautiful and i enjoyed it very much🤭) and OMG leo’s guilt about not noticing the depression symptoms 😩 and the whole thing w bella and kit GOSH I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE HES SUCH AN ASSHOLE‼️

BUT ANYWAYS GOING BACK TO MY BABIES RAAAAAHHHHH I NEED WEN AND VIN TO BE OKAY omfg IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS😭😭 you’re so good at writing angst tho like goddamn i’m still crying and will probably continue to cry about this 😩😭 they need to be okay 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ also i know you said you were nervous about luke and wen’s storyline and im SO CURIOUS and excited to read‼️ im sure whatever you choose to do with them is gonna be amazing and you know we all have a beautiful love/hate relationship w angst so i have a feeling we’re gonna eat it up!! (which we will do regardless bc your writing and storytelling is always wonderful!!!)

sending a snotty sobby virtual hug to all my babies and a strong virtual punch to kit <33333

🦦

ANSWERING THIS SO LATE THAT VIN/WENDY ARE BACK TOGETHER I'M SORRYYYY

I'm actually cackling at you acting delulu because I remember I dropped many MANY hints of the Wendy/Vince break up and you were in my inbox completely ignoring them and me thinking "damn, am i being too subtle???"

Its so funny (and terrible) to be answering this late, because I can totally say the things I was nervous about. So ORIGINALLY Vin/Wendy didnt get back together, they actually broke it off for good and Wendy feeling very isolated from her friend group relapsed in her eating disorder.

But then Wendy kinda girl bossed her way into getting back with Vince, which was not planned, AND opened up to Bella, that was also not planned at all. So I scrapped that storyline! I still want to do something with her E.D, I remember I got an ask ages ago that was something like "Wendy refuses to eat because she's feeling queasy, Vince thinks she relapsed and tries to push her, only to have it come back up and he realizes she's actually sick", so I'll probably write that! A more mild version of what I originally had in mind!

And I'm SORRY i'm a terrible person but I'm sooo proud of myself for making you cry in public. I need a blog badge just for that #angster

Love you 🦦!

[kimseokjinn]

hi. genuinely how do you deal with this fandom? i am reaching burnt out levels of exhaustion dealing with its whining, witch hunting underdog complex. i get things have been rough but some of them really act out like children. worse, like headless chicken who can't be trusted in society. the level of pettiness infantilization and almost cult like behavior that some parts of it are exhibiting is honestly worrying. and that's without mentioning the feeling of entitlement to the members private moments. i just. so goddamn tired of it all. i have tired but i dont think i can keep interact with it as closely as I've been doing

and i cant speak for them, but I fear the members are also getting sick of it

I simply curate my fandom experience that benefits my level of well-being.

In the beginning, I will admit that I engaged in ridiculous fandom arguments over the idea that Jungkook was essentially carrying BTS on his back. This was back when people loved to make comments about wanting to see Jin enlisting and not being a part of the band because he was a "terrible singer and dancer". Or, that Joon was ugly. After a few months, I decided to step back and realize that these fandom wars were doing nothing but ruining my enjoyment of being an Army.

I decided to limit my time on Twitter because that was a continuous cesspool of nasty armchairs that had no problem putting a lil 7 in their display names while bashing any member that wasn't their bias. Twitter was also being overrun by the deluded shippers who thought that taekook or jikook were in this ill-fated secret relationship. I had to step back and stop before I ended up leaving the fandom altogether

(I will admit that when taemins album was dropping, I went and argued with people who were losing their shit over a song name and album cover💀😅. )

I decided that Tumblr was going to be the only platform where I interacted with the fandom, and while I have been out of the loop, I've still maintained the same love and enjoyment I had when I first joined the fandom.

I don't know what it's been like on other platforms in terms of the things you listed, but I can only imagine it's escalated in the 7 years I've been in this fandom. So many new and ignorant people enter the fandom to incite problems, so it's better to block and move on.

Frankly, it wouldn't be that much of an assumption to assume that they are annoyed with. I mean, it's been 10 years of nonsense. How many times has Jungkook had to change his phone number? How many times has Taehyung straight up said that he doesn't like the "fans" screaming in their faces at the airport? How many lives have we seen people asking Jungkook invasive questions? This man avoided the internet for a long time, and when he decides to give us multiple lives, some people act like self entitled brats and think they deserve an all-access pass into his life. The infantilization of jungkook alone probably upset him more than we know. I mean, one of their last fan signs had JK receiving baby-related things. He was in his early 20s for crying out loud. Talk about insulting.

Sorry for my novel, but I simply recommend cutting out the stressful things and focusing on maintaining your love for BTS and the fandom in a capacity that is healthy for you even if that means removing certain aspects.

[ikeupedia]

pairings. classmate! Riki x fem reader

sypnosis. reader is about to confess to riki but someone did it first.

wc. 0.7k

genre. a tiny little bit of angst

warnings. cliffhanger, swear words

note. this is my first time writing 😭😭 so it might be a lil corny 🏃‍♀️ tell me if i did anything wrong?

italicized texts - thoughts

MAY 24TH, the day you and riki met. usually both of you would celebrate it, but since exams are coming, you arent sure if you guys would be able to celebrate

You won't lie you do miss riki alot, it's been awhile since both of you hung out. stupid exams

"God I can't wait for the exams to end, I'm so drained from studying." you say as you pack your things from the library and leave. I wonder if riki and I will be able to celebrate? Lost in your own thoughts, you did not notice your surroundings and bumped into someone.

thump

"ow-" you said. You were about to fall when a certain person catched you.

"be careful y/n" you look up to see... riki, such perfect timing you thought to yourself

"Thanks riki.. sorry for bumping into you" ill use this opportunity to ask if we could celebrate..

"It's no problem y/nie" riki says.

"i was thinking if we could celebrate? for you know.." I say as i look on his lips, fighting the urge to kiss him. if only i could confess but i'm scared of ruining of our friendship

"oh sur-" he was about to reply when someone called him.

"Riki!" his friend calls him. "What's up man? You still down for later?"

Riki stands there frozen, shit i forgot about my plans with jake.. i'll just celebrate with y/n tomorrow he thinks

"yeah jake, you don't have to tell me twice" he rolls his eyes.

the atmosphere gets awkward as you watch them interact with eachother, i guess he's busy today, we'll just celebrate another time.

Riki then turns to you, staring at you with those eyes you love most. If he keeps staring at me like that im gonna melt

"hey um.. i'm a bit busy today but we can celebrate tomorrow though? If you're cool with that" the boy says

"oh yeah totally! Im fine with it, I understand.." I am not fine, its been days since you guys hung out! Yet he chooses to be with jake rather than celebrating with you

Feeling dejected, you walk away and go home to call jungwon

--

jw: so, have you confessed yet?

y/n: no.. im too scared, what if i ruin our friendship?

jw: come on y/n.. you know it's not healthy to bottle your feelings up, it's best if you just confess already!

y/n: it's not that easy wonie.. I don't even think he likes me back

jw: it'll be fine y/nie..

jw: i have to go now ill see you tomorrow

y/n: alright.. bye won!

--

you sigh, jungwon always had your back and you were grateful for it. At some point you feel that you like jungwon a bit..

crushing on jungwon?!

why would i even like jungwon? Ive been curshing on riki for almost a year.. now that i see it, jungwon always had a way to make me smile.. his cat eyes..

"I shouldnt be thinking of this." I shake my head. what is wrong with me? Maybe jungwon is the one afterall

--- MAY 25, after exams

"okay this is it" i'm finally going to confess, he might reject but i don't care anymore. Im going to try my shot

I walk through the halls looking for riki "where the hell is that kid" i was having a hard time finding him since it's crowded..

"found him!" I quickly run to him but abruptly stopped due to what i saw..

Riki was kissing another girl!

I guess I was too late.. I immediately try to walk away but i guess he saw me

"Y/n!" well shit

i turn around and see riki waving at me with his hands around that girls shoulder. Every step i take towards them shatters my heart

"hey riki!" i say trying not to sound broken, tears are starting to form

"are you okay? you look like you're about to cry.." Goddamn he noticed

"oh it's just about the exams, i got a low score" great lie y/n

"just so you know grades dont define you okay?"

"yeah i know.." i cant stand it anymore.. i feel like im about to burst into tears

"also meet my girlfriend!" wow girlfriend huh.. i feel my heart drop, i guess i really am too late

"congrats riki! you better treat her right, anyways i have to go bye!" i say as i run away from the both of them

i arrive home balling my eyes out, i call the first person that comes into my mind..

Jungwon

JUNGWON AND READER END UP BEING TOGETHER?????!? who knows