#but gives the the correct course of treatment anyway lol

[sldlovescartoons]

Today in learning about myself news, turns out I don’t get migraines sometimes, I have postural/positional headaches of varying intensity and when they are bad they mimic migraines. It turns out it can be caused by POTS, so throw that on the pile of possible signs that I have POTS.

Granted, I’m an autistic woman who had an onset of fainting and lightheaded-ness at puberty so it really shouldn’t surprise me that the list grows.

[stoned-frog]

⚠️toxic/abusive relationship⚠️(killermare)

@beforetheendowo this got really long so I'm making it its own post

answering this

I absolutely agree with the pushing boundaries part, Target would do or say things that obviously make Nightmare upset, he would openly show that he knows stuff about Nightmare he probably shouldn't, showing that Night wasn't careful enough in maintaining his perfect image and he would never admit to it but it makes Nightmare very unsettled and sometimes even scared.

Target would also sneak in on Nightmare to just watch him sometimes. He isn't that interested in him but it makes Nightmare tense up and Target can see behaviours he's never seen before, he can see that this perfect powerful being can be bothered by a pathetic mortal like him. That way he can get to know Nightmare better and use it to his advantage but also it makes Nightmare more prone to lash out, he can never take a break because at the back of his head there's always this irrational fear that Target might be watching him.

Basically Target pushes bounderies, gives him the silent treatment and annoys Nightmare because it amuses him to see his god vulnerable and that makes Nightmare more stressed leading to more abuse

Adding to all that I also think about Target being toxic because he worships Nightmare in a way, he believes that he is a god, a being far higher than him therefore Nightmare's actions are what he deserves. He knows he is used and abused, objectified and molded like "his new owner" wants it, but he just submits to it. He was already used by his AU's anomaly (Chara or whatever, I don't like that aspect of Something New, that it's just Chara) and when he thought he was free they got replaced by another abuser. He might think this is just his fate? But yea back to my idea-

Nightmare can never change or even reflect on his actions because Target doesn't resist, he follows orders, bows to him, never responds violently to him. It only takes one word for Target to throw away whatever he was doing and come to him like a dog.

I'm talking mostly about Target lol but that's cuz Nightmare is just so obviously abusive both verbally and physically, gaslighting and making others think they need him it doesn't need as much attention? But I will say what I think anyway

Aside from all you said, I also imagine Nightmare would use him as a kind of stress toy, when he needs to blow of some steam, or Target just says one word too much he might get thrown across the room or pinned to the nearest wall by his neck and yelled at. Some time ago I drew some things that might illustrate what I mean

Here and here

Also this is just for my headcanons but Target introduced himself just like that to both Dust and Horror and that's what they call him (in all versions I made for the gang) but in this one only Nightmare refers to him as "Killer" and of course, Target never corrects him. When Dust or Horror call him that either by accident or to tease him he always corrects them and it sometimes even turns into an argument but with Nightmare, nothing. Not a word.

[all-hallows-street]

Guess whose financial mistake arrived early...

I will give more in depth looks later (I have to work to afford such questionable purchases), but a quick individual review of what I got:

Neil Demon Plushy

Not a plush toys collector at all; my closest reference is the IKEA shark. He is heavier than he looks, very sturdy (?) if that makes sense. Doesn't seem like he will deform any time soon. The details are adorable and I don't see any glaring defects.

All Saints Street Hoodie

Surprisingly large for me. I was worried they only had one size made for the Chinese market. I'm 1.7m (5 foot 7) tall for reference and this is still a bit too big for me. Will likely get too small for anyone over 6 feet tall. The quality is good! Very soft. Velvet interior. I don't know much about shirt stamping, but since it's not in the fabric I'm guessing the stamp might start to crack after multiple washes.

All Saints Street Vol. 1-3 Collection

Now this is something I can talk about more. The sleeve was unfortunately damaged in shipping and the books have very minor damage in the spine and vol 2 has a minor case of dog ears. The quality of the paper is great! It is color paper, not glossy one you see in comic book issues, but it's thicker than the black and white you see in manga. Would still make sure to have a dehumidifier if your storing place is not dry. I've already experienced book wrapping and it's painful.

Each volume contains around 80 chapters with one extra chapter not on bilibili. They also contain a message from Lingzi and WSJ's editor, plus all character bios even for ones we never got one (Enrique, Eduardo ans Anthony). And if a Weibo post is correct some might have been updated from the ones online (Axel grew 1 cm in the book bio).

Of course later I'll look over everything to see if there are any significan changes to make a note of. Also it came with this lol.

I have the Alice in Wonderland art somewhere, I'll post it later as well.

All Saints Street Anniversary Playing Cards

The playing card decks from the 6th and the 7th anniversary. As you can see I haven't opened the 7th, but I got the 6th a while ago on AliExpress so I expect them to be similar.

This is something else I can review more in depth, coming from a family that loves playing poker. The quality of the prints is beautiful, however I keep them in the box all the time because the quality of the cards itself is not good!

The cards feel like store bought cardboard; good playing cards are made out of cardboard, but this deck doesn't have the same treatment. They are so fragile, even by just handling them to get the face cards I've already made slight damage to the edges. I wouldn't play any game with them, much less shuffle them. I don't even want to imagine how much they will bend. Also the Crystal card came with damage (the small white spot on the edge) from the store. Pain.

Anyways. I'll frame the face cards because they are so pretty and I want to keep them in the best condition... I don't know what I will do with the rest of the 36 cards. Maybe practice magic tricks? Lol. Before all this I've been working on how to scan all the face cards and post them, but it's been more difficult than expected. If you have ever tried to digitize prints you will know. Once I have them, I'll post them alongside high quality scans.

When it comes to my review of PandaBuy... On one hand it was an excellent service and experience. On the other... I don't even want to reveal how much the shipping was. I wouldn't recommend anyone else do it unless you are stupid with your money (like me), even then

I would advice to do your own research. PandaBuy and all agents to buy from China are definitely better when you buy in bulk. My package was 'only' 2kg. Many people buy over 10kg to make it worth it. I'm already committed so if new volumes come out I will buy them, and maybe also get counterfeit Gucci shoes or something since that's what most people use this agents for...

That's all for now. Feel free to reply or send any questions you have.

[to-many-thoughts-help]

Okay so

This might be a bit random, and it's probably more of a me thing, but I've recently remembered this convo I had with a friend and felt like talking about it here

I think everyone here already knows about the fact that it's pretty common in both anime and manga for the characters to have non-natural hair colors, right?

So, since I first started interacting with anime and such, I never really thought much about that aspect other than it being "anime logic" even in real life/modern settings

Later down, I remember seeing a post, and correct me if I'm wrong, explaining why this had become a thing. It basically said, at least for high school settings and such, that it was a form of expression and also rebellion against Japan's strict rules revolving around students' appearances and dress codes. This was also the reason as to why delinquents in both real life and anime were represented by their dyed hair as it was considered an act of rebellion. I could be completely wrong about this (after all, I didn't see that post in a long time), so correct me about it

Anyways, the point is that with both this idea of "anime logic" and this post, my mind was made that sometimes characters just have weird colors in anime that are completely natural and that's fine. And until I know, I wasn't the only one with this thought

But recently I've been discovering that some people don't think that??? Like, there's people who simply think that these characters (when in a modern setting) have dyed hair when it isn't a natural color until said otherwise

Let me give you an example

In Blue Lock, there's these two characters, Karasu and Otoya, who both have non-natural hair colors. Karasu's black that fades into purple and Otoya's white with a green streak

Many thought these two had dyed hair until an official art came out with these two as kids and guess what? Their hair colors were still the same even as children and everyone was surprised about it? While I was just sitting there like "Guys, have you ever actually watched anime in your lives?"

And these two aren't the only ones with this treatment in Blue Lock!

If you think about it, it isn't the first time that a sports anime has characters with weird hair colors and it still being natural. Kuroko and Free! are good examples of that. So it got me really confused as to why people were acting like this

Of course, there are other examples beyond sports anime, but this is just one that I could remember at the moment

So yeah, this isn't really to attack anyone or something. I just found this really confusing and funny at the same time? Maybe it's just because I'm one of the only ones who has this line of thought? Idk

Anyways, thanks for reading and have a great day :D

(Sidenote: I just noticed that this is a thing that happens with hair colors, but never with eye colors? Maybe it's just more believable for someone to dye their hair than to use colorful contact lenses all the time lol. I just think that's funny)

[bisluthq]

I feel like the manuscript is like a purging of her past and ties into what she had in the prologue about this chapter being over now or whatever she said.

I was someone who just felt like eras was a 'maybe this is my last tour???' because (and not trying to play her like a doll) but she had the music and conversations with Paul McCartney that seemed to imply she was thinking about starting a family. And in the early days she said how her mum loved her job but then after having Taylor she couldn't bring herself to go back to work and wanted to be a stay at home mum. So I personally wondered if she wanted to go out with a bang because she wasn't sure if she had kids if she'd even want to tour again, or at least as extensively.

I feel like going through the rerecordings would've brought up a lot of feelings, almost like in therapy when they ask 'and when did you first notice this pattern? Are you just trying to live out a different ending by repeating the same patterns?' type thing. I think making ATW10 MV and having the song resonate and reach so many new people was very cathartic for her, and thinking how she went from John and Jake to Connor and Harry (the over course correction perhaps) and just all the 'this didn't work so I must do the opposite!'...... Idk i think she's testing the waters again with how public and private she wants to be - sure she's on tour, but she's done no interviews for TTPD but Zane Lowe for sure would fly to wherever she is and chat for an afternoon. She's giving TTPD the rep treatment and letting it be purged out of her system but not offering any further insight.

Idk I'm rambling. But back to the manuscript, I feel like it's a more play by play version of clean. In clean she realises she's moved on because she survived. In the manuscript she acknowledges a lot of the things that hurt her and then said, 'ok, that's out of my system and no longer going to hold me back. It's not my story anymore.' whic I think is a double meaning - it ties into the 'these songs were once about my life now they're about yours' and also imo 'im not letting that piece of my past have a chokehold on my future anymore'.... It's giving Daylight vibes, only HER FUTURE is the daylight, not her partner and their relationship and shared future.

That's how I see it when applying it to Taylor anyway. Lol

I quite like this interpretation. I HIGHLY doubt she plans to retire though in any meaningful way though but I agree she wouldn’t do something as big and complicated as Eras when her kids are small.

[misterbitches]

i don't care if the show tries to walk this back. this is exactly what i fucking mean: YES. it's not that rich people "deserve" it (they do) but that they choose to act in a certain way, they fucking know it, and expect some treatment in return. their night of fun isn't jack's night of fun; they live in two different realities. he is literally their butler. anything jack and his friends do anything means absolutely nothing in the face of who these people are. what you do to these people they deserve in spades. they know the problem and they know that jack has to serve them in order for them to keep being served.

i'd like to think joke also believes that he deserves everything expropriated from him too. but this is also why thievery is specific and important in struggle. stealing is taking profit directly out of the hands of capitalists and using it in a way that isn't put back into that specific economy. of course the debtor/boss becomes a literal symbol of this (literally holding on to the fruits of their labor) but man all that shit about poverty necessitating violent struggle (tattoo's pops) and this makes me see there's some understanding of the problem outside of individuals but then i see them trying to personalize it so we can think "gosh maybe there are some good ones." no. that's shit i don't like without concrete action (which joke has displayed btw so...but arun will not and won't give up his position BET) but anyway yea this is correct :)

i dnt mean all rich ppl are bad in the way i mean all cops are but i do think actively doing things to amass wealth and never questioning it or what to change is a huge issue outside of billionaires. hoarding wealth is immoral. i have nothing in common with these people that necessitate me not wanting things to be torn down. even MY own class position. this isn’t tenable! the worse the world gets the more i understand the nature of imperial colonial domination’s obfuscation that is everywhere in art. even with parasite……wealth is not a personal problem—these relationships and webs create a whole sick sick sick global society especially ruined by a depraved stupid society (usa and the west lol)

[thestarrynightslover]

I'll Make It Okay for You - Part 2

Pairing: Harvey Specter x Reader

Word count: 2,765

Warnings: Discussion, yelling, some angst, mentions of drugs, drug abuse, drug withdrawal, rehab facility and insecurities/self-sabotage (very, very slightly, tho). 

Summary: You can read Part 1 here. What happens when (y/n) (y/l/n), Harvey’s secret crush and a junior partner at his firm, openly defies him in front of everyone? 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the show Suits, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: I think that this turned out better than Part 1? As always, I’m not sure, though. Just to make it clear here, I’m still on season 4 of Suits, so didn’t wanna get too much into any canonic details, self-preservation, lol. Anyhow, I hope you like it, and, ofc, feedback is always appreciated.

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

You and Harvey stayed in the embrace for a while, as you sunk in all the comfort emanating from him. He'd even started stroking your hair. The whole situation felt so intimate, that, by the time the two of you finally pulled away from each other, it was almost as if there was this cloud of embarrassment hovering around you both.

"Err… I'm s- sorry, I shouldn't have, um-" You started saying nervously but he cut you off.

"No, it's okay. And, um, I'm really glad you told me what happened… It's definitely a lot to deal with. And I was a complete asshole this morning. So I'm sorry." For a moment both you and Harvey just smiled at each other, sitting there in a comfortable silence. Until he decided to break it: "So, um, did you get her a lawyer? I'm assuming you wouldn't wanna represent her yourself because it could be problematic…"

"No, uh, yeah. It would be problematic.” You corrected him. “But the most I could do was make the cops get her a public defender, cause I called my dad when I was on the way there and he just wouldn't have me paying for anything else. He is a retired cop, so the pension isn't too great, the pride though… And I’m already covering Lisa's treatment because it's her best shot, but this…"

"And he wants to teach her a lesson." He completed what you were trying to explain.

"Yes."

"And you don't agree with him?" Harvey asked, almost reading your mind.

"Well, it's complicated. Because when I see what Kat's doing with her life… I get just as frustrated as my parents, and I really do want what's best for Henry." The fact that your sister wasn't what's best for her son was only implied. "But she's my little sister, you know?" As he nodded in understanding, you went on: "I wanna help her, but, at least for now, I think I'm just gonna wait and see if mom and dad change their minds… Which I think they will do! I mean, my dad was a cop for years. He knows what those places do to people. As much as we all desperately want her to get her shit together, I don't think that prison is where she'll succeed in doing so." You finished, voice filled with concern.

"Well, I don't think I would be as lenient, and compassionate, as you are, but I do see your point." Harvey told with a sympathetic smile. "Besides, she is your sister. And, trust me, I know what it is like to go out of your way to keep a sibling outta trouble." He added with a tired sigh, making you wonder how much you really knew about the man sitting in front of you.

"Either way, now I don't see much that I can do for her at the moment. Gonna try and have her attorney keep me posted, of course, but…" 

"Yeah…"

"I just… I can't help but feel guilty about all of this, you know?" You said, after having stood up and turned your back on him, finally letting on what was bothering you the most to the other lawyer.

"No, not really, I don't." He stated simply while you just looked back at him with a shocked expression on your face. "I mean, there's not a single approach on this that makes me think you're to blame for anything." He explained himself, standing up as well this time.

"Harvey, I-"

"No, (y/n), let me stop you right there. What I see here is a family going through a rough situation with one of its members. Then three of the other members just try to do everything they can to get out of the initial situation, while another one just keeps making more problems for her family. And, right now? Today? You walked out on your bosses, risking a lot, to take care of your nephew. So, tell me again, how is it that any of these things happening to your sister are your fault when you’ve done nothing but help everyone in that goddamn family of yours, huh?" He asked you in a sarcastic tone.

“Well, it is very much my fault because I’m her big sister! I should have been there for her! Advising her, helping her, just, just being her friend…” You confessed your regrets to Harvey. “But, instead, I was too busy making my career.”

“And what the hell’s wrong with that? Look, I’m a big brother too. I get it. Ever since we were kids our parents imbued us with the role of ‘the responsible one’, always telling us to look after the youngest… But, hey! If you just threw all of your work up in the air and left running every time your sister had a run-in with a problem, you wouldn’t have made it this far! Not in this field anyway!” He practically spit the words in your face, going to battle with your self-sabotage, which was a very new side of you for him. “And you’re a freaking great lawyer! One of the best that firm’s ever seen. So don’t be sorry that you didn’t sacrifice all of that for being better than the amazing sister you probably already were!”

“You simply can’t know that.” You stated in a low voice, not really knowing how to respond to everything Harvey had just told you. He really thought all that about you?

“Yes, I can!” He yelled back, stepping closer towards you. “I can know that for a fact, because,” he started again, his face pretty close to yours this time, “because, I’m beginning to finally understand, even if just a little bit, who you really are. And because I always notice all the little things when it comes to you, which, in my experience, is how you actually get to know someone. You know, the details.” He told you in the sweetest tone, giving you a charming-Specter-like smile, he leaned closer, if that was even possible, God, was he gonna kiss you?

You had to pull away slightly, just enough for him to get the message. And, boy, how you regretted it! Sure, normally, you’d have a ton of bad things to say about him, but after that night… It wasn’t really that bad of an idea, the one of Harvey kissing you. No, nuh-uh! What were you thinking?! If much, you and Harvey were beginning a friendship there! And you couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let some ridiculous thoughts about how great he smelled rob you from that opportunity! Your inner struggle was interrupted by him saying:

“Hum, I- I should probably go, right? It’s, um, it’s getting pretty late…” He said nervously. You should be relieved right now. Because this assures that things between you and Harvey (your new friend?) aren’t gonna go too off the railroads anytime soon.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll, uh, I’ll walk you to the door.” So why is it that you sounded almost disappointed when you said that? “You know what they say, you gotta walk people to the door if you ever want them to come back…” You joked a little, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, right.” He shot back simply, with a small smile on his lips. “Bye, (y/n). Have a good night.”

“Thanks, you too.” You watched him turning around to leave when you remembered there was something else that Harvey deserved to hear from you. “Uh, Harvey!” You called out.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning back around to face you. And before you could even think it through one more time, you were already jumping in his arms, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“Thank you. For tonight. For everything.” You told him, as he slowly put his arms around your waist, hugging you back.

“It was no problem, (y/n), really. That’s what friends are for.” And, just like that, your day ⎼ turned into night ⎼ had gone from Earth to Hell, and, now, to Heaven.

                                                       ---

Around 7:30 in the next morning, as you gathered some of your work stuff, you heard someone knocking on the door. Who could it possibly be this time? You asked yourself while walking there to open it.

Once again you were surprised to be met by none other than Harvey Your-New-Friend Specter standing at your doorstep. With your supposedly locked-up little sister in tow. What the hell?

“Before you say anything,” he started, “this time I come bearing gifts!” He practically beamed at you, as Kat threw herself in your arms.

“Yeah- yeah, um, I can see that.” You stated, still very confused with the whole situation.

“Thank you so much for sending your friend to bail me out, sis!” Your sister squealed out. She looked so pale and thin; winter-like clothes on, even though it was only the beginning of the fall; and she was shaking. Effects of a rushed withdrawal, you guessed. “You’re the best! Now, where’s my little baby?” She asked you, as if everything that had happened was nothing.

“He’s, uh, he’s in a day-care facility. The best in the city, you have nothing to worry about.” You informed her, who seemed rather relieved to hear that news. “Can you, uh, can you please stay here for a minute while I talk to my, uh, my friend in the office, Kat?” You asked her with a calm smile on your lips.

“Yeah, of course. I’m not gonna break anything I promise!” She told you, sounding a lot like a wicked child.

“No, um, I know you won’t. If you want something to eat, please, help yourself.” You assured her, motioning to the kitchen.

“Oh, no! I’m not hungry! Mr.Specter took me to a diner before we came here.” She let you know, which just made you even more surprised, and confused.

“Oh, he did? Well, that was very nice of yours, Harvey. So, come with me?” You asked him in a sort of mockery tone while pointing to the room he’d just been in, the night before.

As soon as the two of you stepped into the office, Harvey started desperately: “(y/n), before you come at me for not running this by you first, just, please, hear me out for a second.” He pleaded with you, to which you just nodded your head. “So, last night. I heard what you said about your dad, and you don’t have to worry about paying me anything. I’m representing your sister as a friend of yours.”

“Wait a second. You mean you’re taking this pro-bono? Harvey, you do that and the whole firm is gonna know. And you promised.” You quickly accused him, even though you were very thankful for the way he just stepped up to solve one of your problems.

“I know! Let me finish, will you?” You nodded again while muttering an apology. “I’m not going to break your trust. And I’m not handling this pro-bono. The only people I’ll have to loop in are Jessica and Donna. And you know they won’t say anything.” He told you, but you were still a bit confused. “And, before you even ask, no, that doesn’t mean that either you or your family will be paying me anything. Also, I got your sister a spot in a top-of-line, very discrete, rehab facility, I have a friend over there, who said we can drop her off at any time. I just, um, figured that it’d be the best if she got professional help this time. Plus, on my talk with her, she agreed to sign papers that make you and your parents Henry’s temporary guardians. I really think that Kat wants to turn her life around this time, (y/n). She was very- Did I do something wrong? Because, err, you know me… I always find it easier to ask for forgiveness instead of permission, but, this time, I really did think that this would make you happy...” He trailed off with a confused look on his face while scratching the back of his neck

“Oh, I am happy.” You told him, still looking absolutely stunned.

“Then why, uh, why don’t you look happy?” He asked, sounding a bit hurt.

“It’s just that… I’m kind of surprised. How did you even think of all those things?”

“I, uh, it’s like I said yesterday, I notice things about you. And I really listened to what you told me last night. So I just started thinking about ways that I could solve this thing for you, ways that I could make you happy again throughout all of this storm.” He told you and it had to be the sweetest thing you’d heard from Harvey (hell, from anyone!) in your entire life. “But I understand that I overstepped, and I’m-” But since he just wouldn’t stop talking anymore, you had to cut him off in order to shut him up.

His eyes were in absolute shock for a moment, as he just stood reactionless in your grip. But then he got the message and pulled you closer, grabbing your waist tightly while your hands stood firmly wrapped around his neck. You were pretty sure that neither one of you was still breathing at that point, but you didn’t care. Because, God, his mouth tasted so good in yours, it was like they’d been made to kiss each other. The despair both of you were investing in the kiss was huge, but it was turning into a calmer kind of fire, as the air started becoming too necessary again. He pulled your mouths apart for a minute, you resting your forehead on his shoulder.

“You know…” He started, still catching his breath. “When I mentioned you coming at me, I hadn’t really envisioned this.” He joked, a victory smile on his lips.

“Ah, well, you know how upset it makes me when you simply won’t shut up.” You shot back with a shrug of your shoulders, smiling at him.

“Huh. Wish you would’ve shut me up like this every other time.” He mocked, earning a smack in the arm from you. “Ouch! Why’d do that?”

“Because you were being a dickhead, ruining our moment.” You gave him a fake irritated glance.

“Oh, c’mon! Tell me you didn’t think about it too!” He challenged, and you didn’t feel like giving him that kind of win at the moment, so you just pulled him back in for another kiss. One that may have lasted a little longer than it should have, considering that you two still needed to take Kat to rehab and, then, go to work so you could try and save your job. But, what could you do if he, and his body, and his mouth, and his eyes, and his everything were the only things that mattered?

As he rested his chin on top of your head ⎼ that was laid on his chest ⎼, you looked up, pulling away a little, him making sure you wouldn’t fall off the small couch. “Thank you, Harvey. For everything you did. For listening. For being here right now. For everything.”

“Don’t thank me, (y/n). You’ll never have to thank me for anything. I just want you to promise me one thing.” He stated seriously.

“What?” You asked, a bit hesitant.

“That, from now on, you’ll tell me all about it, every time you have a problem.” That was easy enough, you thought. But, you being you, simply had to ask.

“So that you can be here for me?” You questioned him with puppy eyes.

He just chuckled lightly. “Well, that too. But, mostly, so that I can make it ⎼ whatever it is ⎼ okay for you.” Your heart was on the edge of not being to take it any longer. What could have you possibly done to deserve that man?

“Okay, I promise.” You said, watching his expression begin to soften already. “But, only if you promise me the same. Because I wanna make it okay for you too.” While you thought Harvey was simply gonna say yes, he started laughing at you.

“Always the kick-ass corporate lawyer, I see.”

“Would you even have me any other way?” You joked back, more relaxed now.

“Yes, of course! I’d have you in any way you came to me. Which is why I promise too.” With that, you didn’t have any other choice but to kiss him again, because crying over the fact that Harvey Surprisingly-Romantic Specter was an absolute cinnamon roll was not an option.

Taglist: @just-a-girl-with-alot-of-issues​

[bthump]

Can you please share your opinion about this video talking about why Guts is an admirable man (youtu.be/YF7cv6A8SQY). Though I did enjoy the video because I like philosophy, I think Guts is still lacking in the justice part.

So just to get this out of the way, sending me videos to comment on is definitely a crapshoot because I have very little ability to watch things I'm not interested in, and as soon as something feels like homework I'm out. I watched this one because it was only 6 minutes long, but even that's kinda pushing it for me lol. So yeah for any future asks, I def can't guarantee a response on videos.

But anyway that said I did watch this one and my initial thought was that this feels like a Berserk fan learning something new and reaching for ways to connect it to Berserk lol. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case, but yk, if you're going to pick a fictional character who exemplifies the 4 cardinal virtues, Guts is a bizarre choice, and I don't think Plato’s virtues have any relevance to Berserk’s narrative so it comes across as a very random connection to me. Granted, as a film studies purist I usually tend to feel that way when people apply their favourite subjects to analyses of fiction so I’m biased lol, but this feels extra tenuous.

But yeah of the 4 cardinal virtues, the only one I think Guts is a good example of is fortitude, and, interestingly enough, I don't think the narrative considers it a virtue the way Plato does. It's a mixed bag here.

Definitely agree that he’s lacking in the justice department, Guts doesn't give a shit about what's fair. In the Golden Age he happily killed hired goons without a care and wanted to keep the money. In the Black Swordsman arc he ignores his guilt in causing people's death with his branded presence and justifies it by saying it's their fault for not being strong enough. In the Conviction Arc he's totally cool with ten thousand people dying so he and Casca survive. And even after his character development in the Millenium Falcon arc it's not like he's involved in Schierke's outrage about the treatment of Kushan slaves, or saving children from slavery, he's not interested in a just world the way Griffith's side of the narrative is, etc. It’s a significant theme that he’s mostly only concerned about himself and the people he cares about, often at the unfair expense of others.

Lack of prudence is basically his fatal flaw in the Golden Age when he misunderstands everything and leaves the Hawks, and then when he leaves Casca in a cave to fight monsters for 2 years, and he doesn't really improve as he develops. Using the armour while ignoring warnings and pretending to be immune to the side effects still shows a lack of prudence, swinging first and asking questions never when he sees Griffith shows a lack of prudence. Godo specifically describes Guts as the opposite of prudent when he says, "He turns and starts running towards something one way, without noticing some other thing, and nicks himself." Guts is consistently terrible at predicting consequences and understanding the correct course of action to take. He occasionally makes the right choice with a lot of outside pressure, like when he let the rpg group join him, or like when he decides not to fight Zodd on the docks, but considering he needed to nearly rape Casca for the first example, and be half dead and for Serpico to step in and speak for him for the second, it’s still not great.

(Though to be really fair I will say that sometimes he shows a certain emotional intelligence that makes him prudent in small ways, such as convincing the priest in the troll village to let them stay, or realizing that Farnese traded a marriage for a boat for him. But yeah as far as major plot points go, it’s still a fatal flaw.)

And lmao @ temperance. Yeah sure, Guts isn't an alcoholic or a glutton or a hedonist, but his other biggest fatal flaw is literally using extreme violence to block out negative thoughts to the point of blacking out and mindlessly killing, hence the title Berserk. Not very temperate of him.

Anyway yeah, thanks for the ask, hope this was the kind of response you were looking for lol. I'd say the video is a decent introduction to the four cardinal virtues, but the Berserk connection is pretty nonsensical imo and the dude's take on Guts is way too rose-coloured.

[neocrush]

— enhypen reaction to hearing you sing for the first time !

genre: fluff + established relationship for heeseung and sunoo

pairings: idol!enhypen x gn!reader

note: requested by anon ♡

★ heeseung

you got into an argument, a dumb one actually

but you both being the stubborn people you are, you decided to give each other the silent treatment

you couldn’t handle it much longer

you just wanted to say sorry and cuddle with him

but then again - you didn’t wanna deflate your ego

so directly speaking to him was a no-no

so you sat there in his bed, grabbing his guitar and started strumming it

until you started playing and singing get you by daniel caesar

heeseung must’ve heard you as he slowly walked towards his room, pressing his ear on the door

he didn’t know you could play the guitar and sing

pls he had massive heart eyes

was convinced he fell in love with you all over again

he completely forgot the argument ever happened and just barged in

“you’re the love of my life.”

you stopped playing and singing and just went *instert shocked pikachu face*

“can you sing for me? please?” and you just shake your head no

pouts and gives you puppy eyes

you give in and kiss his cheek “fine, but only if you do it with me”

he nods and cuddles you as you both sing each other to sleep

★ jay

you were a new trainee at belift and he was at the studio, preparing a new song with jake and a producer

the producer had called you in to record a demo for one of the hybe groups

he wasn’t that fazed when you entered the room - the both of you having a mask and bucket hat on

as you entered the recording booth, you removed your mask and hat

you listen to the instrumental and re-read the lyrics once again as you asked the producer if you could record the song without instrumental first

the producer agreed and started recording

you got straight into the chorus, surprising jay

that specific part was in a very high key and he was shocked at how effortlessly you sang it at the first try

the recording went pretty well

but the way jay kept on looking back and forth between the lyrics he was writing and you in the booth didn’t go unnoticed by jake

you were done and had to return to practice as you bowed to the boys and producer - leaving the room

jake nudges jay, signalling him to go follow you and at least say something

jay took the hint and left the studio

“y/n!” he called out and you turned around

“your voice is beautiful. would you want to record with me- i mean enhypen some time?”

★ jake

you were part of a girl band

you played the bass and was also the lead singer

your company - a fairly small one - was just recently bought by bang pd so you were under hybe labels

your group used to perform for different high school festivals and you just happened to have performed at sunoo’s

after hearing the news that you were under hybe too, sunoo begged his members to come with him see your band at the company

“sunoo they’re there to practice, not to do free concerts” - jungwon

jake chuckled and he was the only one who agreed to come with sunoo

“hyung did you know their lead singer is the same age as you” sunoo said wiggling his brows as they both made their way to your practice room

jake just shook his head at his younger member

hearing a familiar melody, sunoo dragged the older member to what he was sure was your practice room

“sunoo you can’t just barge i-“

was he seeing an angel?????

“sunoo i thought they did rock”

“yeah but they have bsides in other genres too yknow”

you were singing your solo song twilight

jake nodded and watched you in awe, admiring how into the song you were

your members weren’t there and it may seem lonely but your voice echoing throughout the room made the atmosphere feel heavenly

once the song was over, sunoo cheered and clapped his hands as you grew shy, finally acknowledging their presence

the two boys introduced themselves to you and you did the same to them

you chuckled as you saw jake fumble on his words

“i know who you guys are, i watched your very good cover. you should try doing rock sometime, it seriously fits you guys!” you complimented them

as they grew shy, you couldn’t help but notice jake’s unique smile and how he plays with his hands when he’s nervous

“do you wanna grab lunch with us?”

“is the jake sim asking me out?”

“is the y/n l/n rejecting me?”

you both laughed as sunoo playfully rolled his eyes and you went to go get lunch with the two

★ sunghoon

you were at karaoke with the guys

all of them were having the time of their lives, doing song after song without taking breaks

jay and riki were singing new face and you were busting your lungs out watching them get tired of the never-ending song

remember when yoongi went “when does this song end” when bts was singing new face during that one run episode? yeah that’s them

when the song finally finished, jungwon noticed how you have been laughing and just sitting there the whole time

so he took the mic and pointed at you

that little shit

sunoo had already queued asap by stayc for him to sing, but jungwon insisted that you sing it since you should at least sing one song

“but that’s my song!” - sunoo

“sunoo you can do the choreo while y/n sings” - jungwon

sunoo nods, also wanting to hear you sing

(ps he wanted to do the choreo lol)

you refused and kept shaking your head until your crush, sunghoon, placed his hand on your shoulder, making your heart do backflips

“cmonnnn y/n, please?” he pouted at you

finally giving in, you stand up and grab the mic from jungwon

starting the song, your body was stiff

but once you reached the chorus, you and sunoo were doing the choreo while you sang with a big smile on your face

not you being a whole kpop idol whoop

sunghoon couldn’t help but look at you and smile to himself and blush - you looked so cute and your voice was so addicting

you even lipsynced the “i think you’re really cool” part (the one before the chorus) while winking at him

the song really brought out your inner confidence as you made sunghoon a flustered mess

once you were all finished and went home, riki showed you a video he took of sunghoon when you were singing

“dude i swear he’s super into you! look at him smiling ear-to-ear!!! he looks like he just saw an angel”

“oh shut up riki”

you mentally thanked jungwon for setting you up like that

★ sunoo

“can you sing me to sleep please?” you asked sunoo asked with puppy eyes

he poked your cheeks, nodding

“you’re so cute. of course i’ll sing you to sleep baby”

getting in bed with him, he started playing with your hair and caressing your shoulder

he softly sang love is not over by bts

what took him by surprise was that you suddenly joined in, harmonizing with him

he knew you liked music but wasn’t aware that you had such an amazing voice

he held your hand as you both finished singing the song, giggling

“baby you have the sweetest voice ever, you should sing more often” he playfully pouted

you softly laughed as you moved his bangs out frame, kissing his forehead

“i’ll only sing for you darling, i don’t want others to fall for me”

he playfully hit you as you laughed at your own joke

facing you, he looked into your eyes

“i love you so much.”

you blushed at his words

“i love you even more sunoo.”

★ jungwon

your group and enhypen were appearing on weekly idol together

your members kept on teasing you because you had previously revealed that jungwon was your ideal type on knowing bros

what you said garnered a lot of attention from knetz and engenes, some negative but most of them positive

“they would make an adorable couple”

“i wanna see them sing together”

“their visuals together would shake the whole country”

you were glad engenes didn’t hate your guys for being open about your admiration towards the boy

you being nervous was an understatement - this was your first time seeing jungwon in real life

and you expected the hosts to bring up what you said about him so you were prepared to face him directly

pls this sounds like ur about to have a boxing match w him

anyways filming started out okay until the hosts (ofc) brought up what you said

a few laughs here and there but suddenly they had an idea

“so you’re the main vocal, correct?”

you nodded at one of the hosts

“that’s perfect because it’s time for our karaoke session!”

you ended up getting paired up with jungwon to sing just one day by bts

you made eye contact the whole time and it didn’t take a genius to see the instant chemistry

your voices went so well with each other that even you and his members were shocked at how heavenly you both sounded together

you were both smiling and you could just melt right then and there

once you were done, you covered your face with your hands as you were a blushing mess

your members and enhypen clapped and one of the hosts went “you guys should sing an ost together”

you both got super shy and the rest of filming went well

a month passed and the episode aired

engenes and your fans went insane on sns and knetz were demanding a collab

it wasn’t anything serious until your ceo brought you in in a meeting with hybe executives and he popped up the question

“how would you like to feature in enhypen’s newest album?”

★ riki

your classmates were cleaning the classroom as it was the last week of the whole school year

you were sweeping the floor, humming the song that was silently playing in the background as the room was filled with chatter

riki was removing the decorations on the walls, listening to your soft hums

the songs that were being played were fairly calm

until a more energetic song suddenly played

your classmates suddenly became all energetic when i can’t stop me by twice started playing

you smiled, singing along

you were just playing around but you didn’t realize that you just hit nayeon’s high notes

“woah! y/n??? you’re really good”

you saw that riki was listening the whole time (and so was the rest of the class lol) and you got shy

you shook your head and stopped singing

“no keep going!” - a classmate

you gave in and went on with the song and riki gave you a “you’re so awesome” look

once the song was over, your classmates started playing even more hype song

a guy went “lets do karaoke!”

a girl chimed in “y/n has to go first!”

riki softly laughed and nudged you to go sing

you used the broom in your hand as a fake mic and mic stand as you sang blue hour by txt

he filmed you, zooming in on your smiling face

he was sure going to cherish that video forever

[rreath]

thinking about a soudam genshin au where kazuichi is an inventor and gundham is a zoologist. very long drabbles below lol

gundham has a cryo vision (he’s the overlord of ice, after all) and kazuichi has a pyro vision

kazuichi’s family used to live in kannazuka like a really really long time ago but they moved to the poorer parts of inazuma city and have stayed there since. gundham was born in borou village but his mom found a job in the city and moved the two of them there when he was like five

they grew up somewhat around each other and have a general disdain for each other, having formed a rivalry when they attended school in inazuma city together

but now these two young adults are fresh out of school and being thrust into the job market. except, neither of them feel ready at all

they don’t teach you much about inventing and zoology in classes focused on writing and reading, after all

so they both independently decide that they want to travel the world of teyvat and learn as much as they can before returning to inazuma and actually starting their careers

kazuichi wants to learn about all the mechanical innovations supposedly happening, gundham wants to learn about the creatures native to other lands

the only problem with that is the new sakoku decree… passage in and out of the country is heavily restricted

so, with the vision hunt decree just announced, a strong desire to explore the world, but no safe way out on their own, gundham and kazuichi agree to team up, just this once, to escape inazuma for a trip around teyvat

the plan was to only stick together until they reached the port of liyue harbour, but the duo quickly realize that surviving on their own outside of the country they’ve always known is a lot harder than it looks, so they have no choice but to stick together during their travels in the six unfamiliar nations across the sea

and, of course, they fall in love along the way

some ideas about their adventures:

in liyue,

kazuichi gains way too much unimportant fishing knowledge. he realizes that the technology that fishermen in ritou use could be improved and makes some sketches to give to the fishing association

gundham somehow manages to tame a baby geovishap hatchling that’s all alone, but they’re able to find the mother after a day of wandering the guili planes and treating the hatchling like their son, protecting it

somehow they end up lost in huaguang stone forest and are able to encounter cloud retainer, who takes an instant liking to gundham but hates kazuichi for being a mess. gundham never lets him forget it

they’re both super scared about visiting the chasm but sneak in together anyway (to make the other think they’re brave and strong) (but they end up running away as soon as they hear some loud noises lol)

they spend a lot of time in liyue harbour and probably circle back to it when they’re travelling between the west and the east. gundham compares the stuff at wanwen bookhouse to the stuff at yae publishing house, and is very pleasantly surprised when there's a lot of fantasy novels. kazuichi examines the dockyard and trips, falling right into the water. the city becomes somewhat of a home away from home for them, and they have some fond memories there

in sumeru,

kazuichi is VERY excited to receive an akasha terminal, but he breaks his by accident as soon as it’s handed to him. to make him feel better, gundham doesn’t wear his own either, claiming it’s an evil device (and he’s actually correct, so they both avoid that whole dream mess)

they are both directionally challenged so exploring sumeru city leads to a lot of getting lost on the winding paths. kazuichi almost gets scammed out of his mora on treasures street, which freaks him out a little, so gundham drags him to puspa cafe to appease him with food

gundham is super excited about the new fauna, but he’s injured by a rishboland tiger, and begrudgingly lets kazuichi carry him back to gandharva ville for treatment. that does not stop him from trying to approach dangerous animals, though. luckily, the spinocrocodile took more of a liking to him

they visit the desert because gundham wants to see the vultures, but they end up spending more time investigating ruins with unique mechanisms because kazuichi wants to learn to replicate the old technology. that being said, gundham definitely befriends a vulture that sits on his shoulder for a while lol. he has a very hard time saying goodbye to it

in mondstadt,

when they get to mondstadt, gundham feeds the pigeons on the bridge a little too much, causing them to flock behind him wherever he goes. it’s funny for like fifteen minutes, but becomes a bit of a nuisance

most of the rooms at the goth grand hotel are taken, so they have to share a bed lmao. kazuichi also definitely jokes about the name of the place and how gundham was meant to stay there someday

thanks to the rivalry, kazuichi absolutely insists that they need to have a drinking contest at angel’s share, which neither of them really win because they both end up equally thrown. cue a very drunk but very fun night in the city, where they wake up in their room with pounding headaches and regret everything because they had planned a hike up starsnatch cliff

they weren’t really planning on going to dragonspine at first, but rumours of a great snowboar king are all it takes to convince gundham that he has to go. kazuichi tries to convince him not to, but gundham has made up his mind, so kazuichi tags along saying that he doesn’t want gundham to freeze to death up there. kazuichis's pyro vision comes in handy and he’s able to keep them warm during their trek, while gundham takes care of any hilichurls in the way. they don’t find the actual snowboar king (because he only shows up when you kill the little boars, which gundham would never allow) but they do enjoy the views and bond through their shared trauma of dealing with the sheer cold

as for the other details...

they each bought their own travel diary in liyue harbor at the beginning, to use to remember everything they’ve learned and seen on their journey. the first pages are like that, of course, but interspersed between notes and stories are gundham's unfinished poems about how lovely kazuichi’s hair looks when it’s flowing in the winds of mondstadt, or kazuichi’s hastily drawn sketches of gundham’s soft smile when witnessing the landscapes in fontaine

once their journey has come to an end, and they’ve heard the news that the vision hunt and sakoku decrees have been abolished, they return to liyue harbour to head back home. but then they realize that this is the end of spending time together, and even though they’d grown so close, maybe the other wouldn’t want anything to do with them once they return…

they both make up a bunch of excuses to waste time and end up missing the boat, causing them to spend three more days in liyue harbour while waiting for the next one. during the three days, they awkwardly dance around confessing to each other, but when evening comes on the third day and the boat arrives, gundham gets his shit together and confesses. kazuichi, flabbergasted, confesses right back

so they both admit they’re in love with the other, they return to inazuma city, and they start dating :) they also eventually get ahold of each other’s notebooks and cuddle while browsing though them and reminiscing lol

it also might be cool if they met other characters along the way ex. kyoko as yanfei, ibuki as xinyan, sakura as dehya, asahina as amber, yasuhiro as kazuha, nagito as thoma etc., but it would also work if all the other ultimates are people they already know and went to school with in inazuma and maybe they just think about them from time to time ex. they visit wanmen restaurant and think teruteru would enjoy the food, they see beetles in the desert that remind them of gonta, they visit fontaine which is sonia’s homeland, they desperately wish they brought mikan whenever one of them gets injured etc lol

[avoid-avoidance]

another comment compilation! shoutout to @eclipsedmoon87 a.k.a. @midnightchronicles87 for being incredibly gracious about my barging in and vomiting this entertaining, but only tangentially-related, nonsense all over their excellent TFA Blitzwing edit post (check it out, it's a little unnerving perhaps but very cool!).

Behold the consequences of encouraging me... 😂

Some minor edits from the original comments, fixing my own typos.

avoid-avoidance: This looks SO cool. So weird. But SO COOL.

I would venture to say it’s not *quite* cursed territory. True Cursed™ would be if you did this to the Random face lmao

a-a: Also big lol to the notes saying they got jumpscared by this — now I’m imagining Random pestering Hothead in their shared headspace until he agrees to walk up behind various Decepticons, quietly remove his visor, and wait for them to turn around and double-take.

a-a: Megatron: gives an almost-invisible twitch of surprise but otherwise manages to carry on admirably as though nothing is different

Blackarachnia: 100% unfazed as opposed to Megatron’s 98% unfazed — she’s just like, two eyes huh? Is that supposed to impress me? I still have more than you.

a-a: Starscream: lets out a tiny audible shriek and then FURIOUSLY denies he did any such thing.

Lugnut: does not audibly react, but is physically startled enough that his pedes actually leave the floor — he can’t really deny he reacted because the THUMP when he landed was very clear

@sztefa001: STILL HAVE MORE THAN YOU xD xD xD

a-a: bonus: he also tried this on Professor Sumdac while Sumdac was the ‘Cons’ prisoner. Sumdac did appear surprised, and then stammered something sort of awkward like ‘oh you *do* have eyes — I mean optics — under there… they‘re, uh, very nice?’. which is the first time Hothead’s ever been complimented on his optics, and he tries not to feel kind of warmed at the squishy’s offhand comment but doesn’t really succeed.

a-a: eyy what’s the use of being a traumatized accidental techno organic if you can’t use that to win absolutely petty and pointless arguments with your coworkers?

s: Awww xD

a-a: of course, Icy would argue that Blitzwing as a whole actually has *six* optics to BA‘s 4; Blackarachnia would counter that some of those hardly even count, and plus since her alt mode also has eyes she technically has more than 4; Hothead yells back that THOSE don’t count…

a-a: Random interjects that they’re both trying to compare apples and eyes anyway, or is it oranges and optics?…

a-a: The one time they both get caught up in the ridiculous argument enough to try and solicit a third party opinion, Megatron has the great misfortune to be walking by. After having the question explained to him, he gives both his officers a long blank stare, then just walks out of sight without a word. A moment later, a faint thunking can be heard, like the sound of a helmeted head impacting a wall.

midnightchronicles87: I love EVERYTHING about this, thank you for the story in my notes

a-a: haha you’re welcome! glad you don’t mind my spontaneous rambling

m: Of course I don't mind!! Nothing I've made's ever gotten this much attention before, I love it

a-a: it is my personal opinion that many TF continuities could benefit from a Soap Opera Of The Decepticons’ Everyday Lives treatment lol

m: That is an objectively correct opinion

m: If any of you want me to make more, send me some decent quality screenshots of Hothead you want me to de-visor, and I might make a fourth update to this post

m: Oh, also what expression you want, otherwise I'm doing whatever I think fits

a-a: ooh there might be moooore? 👀

a-a: they’re objectively awesome edits, if I hadn’t seen the show I wouldn’t know that wasn’t just what Blitzwing normally looks like

a-a: I’m not sure I’d know where to look to find good quality screenshots tbh… but I do think it’s hilarious to ponder Blitzwing pranking everyone by swapping his personalities around so they don’t match his faces, to freak people out. Like can you imagine what Random-face with an Icy-expression would look like, or Icy with Random-expression? (And Random with Hothead-expression = just pure nightmare fuel.)

m: OH. I like you

a-a: I mean, once everyone Blitzwing knows gets so used to him that Random’s randomness isn’t surprising anymore, I figure he’d HAVE to do *something* to up his game, right?

a-a: Random would’ve loved a certain subset of Internet culture at a particular past point I can think of…

“I made you an energon goodie… but I eated it >.<”

a-a: (as a bit of a side note, I also hold the belief that with TFA Megatron being one of the smarter, more practical Megatrons, it is funny as heck that he’s saddled with TFA Blitzwing in particular as one of his top officers.)

a-a: (reblog of original TFA Blitzwing edits post, with his ‘Hothead’ face modified to have two optics instead of a single optic band. The third image has Blitzwing wearing a skeptical expression.)

He is Pressing X To Doubt 😂

#transformers #blitzwing #also his eyeliner game is on point #mayhaps this is another fan of that well-known Cybertronian musician Gearhard Wave? #it is so neat how just the contrast between a visor and separate optics shows such different vibes #also it is sorta hilarious that despite this being the AngryFace™ #none of these edits so far are angry expressions #screenshots from a timeline where TFA got as many seasons as Supernatural #these are from a multi-episode arc where Bumblebee managed to steal Blitzwing’s visor in battle via Shenanigans #so while Blitzwing’s coworkers are having minor crises #“We didn’t even realize your red face HAD optics under there?!” #Bee is just roaming Detroit like usual but wearing a comically oversized red visor as a trophy

m: @avoid-avoidance your additions to this post keep getting better and better

a-a: ☺️

a-a: what can I say, these edits are inspirational 😂

a-a: Starscream gives a disdainful laugh. “Well, who’d have thought Blitzwing of all people would have hidden depths! What next, our fearless leader confessing that ugly head of his is actually a helmet that comes off??”

Lugnut opens his mouth but Megatron discreetly elbows him and makes a “shut up” gesture. One revelation at a time is probably all his High Command can handle..

m: XD this thread just gets better and better, and quickly ages like wine

a-a: right?!?? not bad at all, considering it’s about a side villain in a series that’s been discontinued for like a decade!

a-a: now that’s it’s occurred to me, the idea that Starscream has been one of Megatron’s key officers for ages, but somehow *no one* has ever clued him in that Megs’ helmet comes off, is cracking me up

m: Same

a-a: maybe Megatron is holding that knowledge in reserve, in case of a specific situation where a Starscream™ assassination attempt *almost* succeeds and Megs is forced to part with his helmet to escape, like a lizard’s tail coming off

m: Leaving Starscream shook for at least a megacycle

a-a: He would absolutely be torn between “At least I took a piece off of that bastard this time!” and “ WTF WTF WTF”

m: It makes me so happy that my quest to see what Hothead would look like without his visor led to this

a-a: fandom spitballing/brainstorming/crack-AU-ing like this probably makes up the biggest slice of my personal fandom-participation-pie, just in general. it’s a little addictive

a-a: ooh, if Hothead’s visor has built-in filters of some kind (e.g. tagging specific Autobots and Decepticons with notes/data, supposedly for tactical purposes?), which still function when someone other than Blitzwing is wearing it, then Bee stealing and putting on the visor could spawn all sorts of interesting plot lines

m: Oooo I like where this is heading

a-a: I’m glad you seem to have an idea where this is going bc tbh I don’t! 😆 From there it could go shippy or not, Looney-Tunes platonic wacky, or I guess there’s probably a way to make it angsty although that’s not as much my specialty…

a-a: the absolute most crack-filled idea that’s coming to mind might be (and this is definitely AU since I think there is canon backstory of some kind re: how Blitzwing became a triple?) if the visor is like… secretly a magical artifact of Primus that bestows an extra alt mode upon its wearer. so Bee steals the visor and slaps it on his face just to be a taunty little shit, and then suddenly Blitzwing is no longer a triplechanger and Bumblebee IS.

a-a: Bumblebee: *suddenly gains an additional flight-capable alt mode*

Every Autobot AND Decepticon on Earth, simultaneously: *suddenly gains a feeling of horrible creeping dread, as if They Are All Doomed*

m: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

a-a: (and there’s definitely a Bee Movie script meme joke to be made somewhere in here about bees not being scientifically able to fly but flying anyway 🤣)

a-a: and to continue the cracky “war? what war?” vibe, the Decepticons see this cocky young newbie flyer stumbling about in the air, and instead of laughing and shooting him down, they go “ohhhh… it is A Baby…” and try to adopt a Very Not Keen On Being Adopted newly-triple’d Bee

m: EVEN BETTER

a-a: Bee is like NO NO NO NONE OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE MY DAD OPTIMUS IS ALREADY MY DAD— wait crap did I say that out loud oh noooo—

Optimus: whut

m: I'm grabbing popcorn this is amazing

a-a: hmmm, what other weird funny things can fit in this AU… let’s say Megatron and Starscream are chasing Bee around the skies while also fighting each other over who would make a better mentor for what they’re convinced is the next baby Decepticon-in-training. Meanwhile, Blitzwing (not used to being one instead of three and handling it Badly)…

a-a: … talks himself into believing that now he’s no longer a triple, Megs will discard him like trash at best or execute him as a liability at worst (and to be fair canon Megs probably would). So while Bee is basically a hostage of the ‘Cons, single-faced Blitzwing flees to the *Autobots* for sanctuary, and poor Ratchet ends up volunteered by Optimus to be Blitzwing’s new therapist despite loudly claiming to be Not Qualified For That in at least 3 different ways

a-a: “Dammit, Optimus, I’m a field medic, not a psychiatrist!” /briefly channels Bones from TOS Star Trek

a-a: Sari is missing her best friend Bee very much, and despite the other four Team Prime members trying to keep her as far from Blitzwing as possible — “No such thing as a reformed ‘Con, he’s DANGEROUS” Ratchet grumps…

a-a: …Sari keeps sneaking past them to try and befriend Blitzwing, first because she wants the single-jet-alt to take her up flying to go find Bee, and then because she can’t help but feel sorry for him, he’s so distressed and obviously lonely after being three in one head for so long.

a-a: Honestly, Bumblebee’s youthful mischief and recklessness/carelessness could plausibly be misconstrued as Decepticon tendencies ready to be nurtured into full-fledged Decepticon-ness by a biased eye. That plus Megatron’s endorsement would have Lugnut on board the recruitment train for sure.

a-a: And at some point Megatron and Shockwave communicate to swap status updates, and Shockwave — who remembers from being Longarm that Bumblebee has a good Autobot-y heart under the brashness — is just like “… you’re trying to recruit WHO? Wait, since when can that little yellow Autobot FLY? What is going ON over there?!”

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision (#29)

29. BULGARIA Intelligent Music Project - “Intention” 38th place

Decade Rank: 58/79 [Above Blas, below Uku]

To whoever ran BNT’s twitter account this season: feigning unselfawareness about your home entry’s shittness for the sake of fan service is SO unfunny and embarrassing I’m surprised Subwoolfer haven’t tried it yet (and Subwoolfer have recently said they want to delete Amber Heard from life!). Bring me some other shtick once you’ve found another sponsor.

Anyway, this year’s Bulgarian sponsor was a self-made filthy rich ~BizNizMen~ who writes dated 80s dad rock in his spare time. He’s also the owner of a pet band whose sole purpose is to perform his insipid compositions at fundraiser gigs (usually held at Bulgarian embassies in other countries lol). If you think that would lead to a pontificating and  shitty “Identitët” (Shitentitët? 🤔) as the entry DING DING DING you are correct!

As one should expect from a band that dubs itself as “intelligent”, in comes the pseudo-intellectual lecture about taking matters in your own hands, building up a capitalist empire and getting filthy rich instead of loafing around playing video games all day. You’re not my father, stfu!!!.” If Only GenZ Had The ~Intention~ Do Something Great With Their Life”. If only you hadn’t been another person over forty person who doesn’t understand that Life Advice ranks next to dick pics on the list of things you don’t want to receive unsollicitedly from complete strangers, 😔

(lol IMP attempted some “it’s truly a peace song, We Swear” retconning in Turin, but you know how i feel about that opportunistic BULLSHIT.)

Of course, upon its release -in early December 2021- nobody gave a single fuck about “Intention” and it was promptly ranked last on all the lists forevermore. 🤗 Inconceivable that everyone had negative cares about soulless rock muppets that that preached capitalism via a fucking dr. Seuss-like chorus, who completely wasted Stoyan Yankoulov like he’s Darude repping Finland. INCONCEIVABLE!

However, for an entry this limp, it had... fairly decent staging? Look, I’m splitting hairs here, right? The song’s a damp squib, Ronnie loafs around looking like greasy and unkempt serial rapist, and the rest might as well be provincial stage actors (you’re not telling me that “bass player” has EVER held a guitar before Turin), BUT the stage show actually put in that investor money for good camera shots, pyros, your standard eurovision rock stuff! Even a little bit managed to elevate a literal deaf fish of a song into something semi-unobjectionable! Now imagine what could have happened if a song with any actual merit had received the same treatment.

It’s barely enough to put “Intention” ahead of like... idk Greece or Montenegro, or the other vaguely irritating bores the sheeple were hyping up. Slightly exceeding expectations where there are none gets you further in life, and with “further” I mean 29th on this ranking instead of like 32nd. CONGRATZ!!! i guess.

THE RANKING

29. BULGARIA - Intelligent Music Project - “Intention” 30. GREECE - Amanda Tenjford - “Die together” 31. POLAND - Ochman - “River” 32. MONTENEGRO - Vladana - “Breathe” 33. FINLAND - The Rasmus - "Jezebel" 34. BELGIUM - Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you” 35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana” 36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same” 37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry” 38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black” 39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi” 40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”

[op-sheepy]

One Piece Manga spoilers ahead...

Got a message from someone expressing disappointment that the recent OP manga chapters dashes their headcanons that the Heart Pirates are medically trained... or at least competent enough at it... I can see how the latest chapters could somehow change this perception which is a totally valid interpretation. (Likely to be canon too though it could all be interpreted some other way with our favorite headcanons intact.. :D)

Of course, bringing my attention to this could only mean that they wanted to be convinced otherwise. Using my favorite fandom tools of some recontextualization, selective interpretation, and some basic relevant medical tidbits (my friend preferred calling it me 'bulsh*tting' my headcanons into the realm of possibility, which fair) I did manage to convince them (it helps that they really wanted it to be true lol) and they've convinced me to share here. Remember to take the following with a grain of salt and to not take anything mentioned that's medically related seriously or as an absolute fact that would automatically reflect in real life. I mean, it's a manga and we're definitely stretching things here... Anyways, here goes...

Let me start off with this panel:

Now it's been years since I've had any use for BLS but still the first thing that struck me when I saw this was, 'That is not how one does chest compressions...'

You can do a quick search for proper hand placement for CPR and it will tell you that the heel of one hand is at the center of the chest with the other hand on top of the first hand, fingers interlocked. Now, I'm not really that good at making out details from manga panels but the hand placement does not look correct at all.

My first instinct was to make another WIP fic where their captain drills them and they review this (which I did do lol). And then made my assumptions if I go with the premise that the crew is doing their best to their knowledge.

This would bring up the following points:

As mentioned, the hands do not look correct for chest compressions.

Water is spouting from Luffy's mouth like a fountain suggesting that the pressure being exerted on the chest is pushing the water out.

The purpose of chest compressions in CPR is not to expel water but to emulate the heart beating and maintain circulation. (so the Oxygen can get to your brain continuously)

The incorrect hand placement would then suggest that Bolero Hat guy is not trying to maintain circulation but instead trying to expel the liquid from the lungs. Sort of like a lung massage. This is somewhat confirmed in a succeeding panel with them with someone trying to affirm whether they've gotten rid of all the water.

Basically, they are clearing the airway. Which they would only do if they've established that Luffy's circulation is fine and that the obstruction is the immediate issue that needs to be addressed.

Now, during drowning, generally, aspirated water should end up in the stomach because of laryngospasm (vocal cords spasming). For some reason, maybe force of will (because he did look like he was still screaming while he was drowning) or his strange anatomy (because he is rubber), the water somehow ended up in his lungs. We assume this because Luffy with water in his stomach looks like this:

Not as relevant but we can also assume that his rubber powers affect the displacement of liquids within the different membranes inside his body.. because otherwise, the next image wouldn't be possible (Bolero hat guy would have had better luck performing some modified thoracentesis with a spigot)

If you're still following my rambling, what we've pretty much established is that whatever the Hearts were doing it wasn't necessarily the chest compressions done in CPR or rather, it has maybe passed that (also note the lack of defibrillator use which should be available in that submarine).

Right after clearing his lungs of water, they move on to the next thing they need to address which is his lack of consciousness ('Open your eyes, man!') because from the image above the 'sh---h' sound coming from Luffy suggests that he is already breathing.

For alteration of consciousness, the treatment would depend on the underlying cause. Here the presumption was the lack of Oxygen (or whatever gas is being breathed in One Piece).

This is pretty much the scene that shows them seemingly not knowing what to do but given the circumstances, I thought it was understandable. Also, Luffy's physiology is pretty unique. I doubt squeezing the lungs would have been viable as a method of removing the fluid (it would have been postural drainage, some modified Heimlich, or straight up inserting a tube) had he not been made of stretchy rubber. Any further intervention without the accompanying knowledge could be more detrimental. Here is a picture of our other resident genius doctor saying as much regarding administering medication he doesn't know enough about.

Since no return to consciousness was imminent and there was no doctor to make a diagnosis and prescribe treatment, the team is left to determine the next step by themselves. (Look at them looking for their captain who happens to be their doctor...)

'I don't know what more to do for him,' suggests that they've already performed all necessary procedures based on the circumstance and Luffy's unique anatomy.

If we dissect the scene further, their panicked suggestions could only come from people who have some passing medical knowledge.

Someone suggests giving him some pills and someone quickly rebuffs by suggesting giving him an injection instead. Between the oral route and intravenous injection for drug administration after drowning, the latter should be the preference (to maintain the airway and because of possible injury to any part of the airway). But they probably have prior experience on the difficulty of getting a normal needle through Luffy's rubber skin.

It also suggests that they have a specific medication in mind to give him as they are arguing route.

Someone notes that Luffy is pale. As we are assuming that they've established the lack of a possible cardiac arrest, they should be looking into addressing any other possible underlying cause. It could be blood loss, poor peripheral circulation, anemia, hypoglycemia, hypotension, etc.

Ultimately, though, the team was successful in reviving him. Given that Luffy pretty much recovers from eating excessive amounts of food, he'll be fine and will probably be rejoining the battle good as new. The same could not be said for the Polar Tang's food supply.

TL;DR: The Hearts did a good enough job. Their captain would still drill them but he'd still be proud. And now they really need to win that battle because they'll be out of food.

[olivieblake]

hello!! i am a massive fan of your writing and i think your hermione in a commoners guide is incredible. i don’t know if you’ve already shared on this but i was wondering what your take on the struggles of prince harry and meghan is? specifically on history repeating itself and the treatment of women in this situation. (i’m trying to convince someone why meghan is so great and worth supporting but i’m unfortunately not very articulate) thank you!

okay well if you’ve already read The Princess’s Guide to Popular Statecraft (aka TCG 2) and/or you happened to scroll by this post, you can probably already guess that my feelings on the british royal family are mixed at best but because I’m a radical aquarius with access to the internet, I’m willing to make that everyone’s problem

anyway

in my opinion it doesn’t matter how great meghan markle is because that was never the point. I think she’s much more interesting than harry, who is literally just a rich white guy and anyway young wills was much hotter and look what happened to him, but that’s also not the point. while the purpose of TCG was to show that you never really know someone else’s story (within the context of an AU take on the potterverse’s classism), the purpose of TCG 2 is basically okay look, this thing is unfixable because it’s built on a cracked foundation. the ONLY POINT worth acknowledging in the drama with the brf is that the press doesn’t have the ethics to promote validity of its content over whatever nonsense sells (if we’ve learned anything it’s that modern media is 1) dying and 2) essentially unchecked in its fight to stay alive) and that “the firm” does not have a leg to stand on anyway. whichever way you slice it, the existence of a family coasting on divine right and stolen, imperialist, fundamentally classist/racist wealth is going to have problems

the press and the royal family have a parasitic relationship; the argument for the continued existence of the monarchy is essentially economical, tourism and such, but without the press to cover their every movement, they become irrelevant. the press profits off the interest people have in the royal family. the miscoverage of meghan markle will not stop, it will not end, and so meghan is essentially another diana: it wouldn’t matter even if the woman in question was a living, breathing saint. she isn’t flawless and neither was diana, but again, that’s not the point. coverage is sexist, yeah, and reactions to who is “at fault” are certainly misogynistic, but for me that’s just another symptom of the many other things that are wrong. namely that things need to change but aren’t and won’t; after all, we are here consuming it, aren’t we? media is a reflection of us.

while I get it from a PR standpoint, from a mental health/personal satisfaction point of view, I honestly don’t know why harry and meghan are doing this oprah interview. I understand that they don’t feel protected by the firm and they want to speak out to correct misinformation, but because doing so will vilify them as much as it will magnify their support, I don’t think it will bring them any peace. whatever vindication they’re seeking, it won’t actually protect them. I understand leaving the royal family. I also understand (grudgingly) why the royal family says nothing in response to racist/bullying coverage of meghan; I mean, have you ever been baited on fandom twitter? what’s the only way to make a troll go away? not fighting back, that’s for sure. it only gives them the attention they want and the validation of knowing you’ll take the bait

do I think the royal family is in the right? of course not. I don’t know what they’re thinking or what’s actually happening behind the scenes. I also don’t know that they will exist for much longer. I really do believe that it is in william’s best interest to do what draco does at the end of TCG 2, although I don’t necessarily believe that he will. privilege is a hard thing to give up.

SO ultimately I think this family is messy, that there is a major difference between the roles of the two sons that is both antiquated and yet necessary by the insane traditions this whole weird broken thing is built on and therefore they can technically both be right whatever their differing opinions on what’s right happen to be, so while it’s natural that meghan is willing to be martyred in order to feel empowered in an old fight, in the end it’s probably time we all found a new show... you know what I mean?

I know this is not what you asked for and I do think there’s much to say about misogyny and prejudice in the coverage of meghan markle (obviously or I wouldn’t have written TCG to begin with) but... I think I am just very burned out on this family right now lol. they need to get their house in order and also I can’t care about their well-being right now, they’re rich, they’ll be fine. someone just tell them to get off the internet because even I can’t be on twitter very long without losing my mind

[startledstars]

It's really sad that you've convinced yourself to accept evil because God will better you for it. You can believe in God and believe that he wouldn't want evil to happen to you or anyone else. That's a problem with Christianity though. A lot of religious, cult peoples have a "by all means, even evil, necessary for the greater good" mentality and that's not okay. I'm so sorry you believe your god is abusing you and that you're okay with it. Life or the universe is both good and bad, not god. The trials in life aren't there to benefit you, it's there so when you get through it, you'll grow and learn and prevent it from happening to someone else, not be blessed as an individual. A supreme being of love doesn't dole out pain or evil. Someone who loves you wouldn't hurt you with such abuse that you call it evil. You need to believe this in your life, not in just some spiritual way. Please don't ever justify evil for a cause for good. Please. No one deserves that.

Hi anon,

First of all, thank you for this question. I can honestly see how my previous post can make me sound like a battered, self-deluded housewife trying to justify a miserable situation. Just a few months ago, if someone said what I said today, I would sincerely pity them too.

I actually agree with 90% of your message, and the 10% is a misunderstanding: I’m not being abused by anyone right now, least of all God. I don’t think anyone deserves to be abused. I do not accept evil. I despise it. And while I don’t think God wants people to suffer evil, if you look at the world, you see that He allows just that.

You can’t believe in an all-powerful God who can change or prevent or reverse any situation instantly, and pretend that he doesn’t have absolute power over evil too. God has power over evil, but there are times when He lets evil run its course. The question is, why?

You also said:

“The trials in life aren’t there to benefit you . They’re there so you can help other once you get through them.”

I agree with the second part of the statement, but disagree with the first. The trials in life, even the most horrible suffering, are used by God to benefit you, too. I’ve experienced these benefits firsthand.

(If there is a single thing that God doesn’t use to benefit you personally in the long run, as in eternity, can you say he’s 100% good? Even one exception means He falls short of that 100%. This sounds really extreme, but it’s a great thought exercise.)

And you’re right in saying that God does not ‘will’ evil. That’s why I said that he ‘allowed’ me to be abused by evil people. In other words, he gave me to other people with free will and wicked intentions. He allowed their will, instead of imposing his own, because this is one way God gives freedom to his creations.

I have been abused over and over again, for years on end. These evil people were actually the ones closest to me; my parents, one grandparent, and a parade of so-called ‘friends’ who never really treated me like a human being. The abuse started when I was under 4 years old. Every single one of my abusers have tried to convince me that their abuse was actually an expression of love, and I believed them, even while they relentlessly tried to snuff out my will to live.

(Anyone who’s been abused and is coming out of it will understand how the abuser does this and what effect it has on you. It is a horrible thing.)

While the abuse was taking place, I didn’t know it was evil, and I did not know they were evil. This world teaches us to not believe that evil exists, or that evil is somehow exclusive to genocidal dictators. The world teaches us that abusers aren’t evil; they’re victims of their own twisted psychology, and can be ‘fixed’ with the correct treatment.

This may be true, but the reason evil people become evil is because even if they are aware of their shortcomings, they’d rather project their dysfunction than take any responsibility for fixing themselves. Evil people actively refuse to change for the better, and are only interested in dragging other people down. They are incapable of love, though they can imitate it well enough.

So, how can God give a child into the hands of people like this, and still be considered ‘good?’

I can only speak to my experience, but due to the length and extent of my entanglement with evil people, I can:

Say with confidence that evil exists, and if there’s such great evil in this world, there must be a greater good.

Recognize potentially problematic individuals and avoid them

Recognize the potential for evil within myself, and work to prevent myself from becoming abusive. (Even as a ‘victim’ I had developed abusive tendencies. I am not innocent. This is Another Fucking Pill.)

Cut off toxic relationships without a single glance backwards; I have not been abused by anyone for months now, on any level, and if someone tries to cross a line, I assert myself firmly and confidently. Most victims of abuse either become abusers, or fall prey to other abusers. I avoided both these traps.

Strengthen my faith and relationship. When there’s an abusive/controlling person trying to ‘get me’ (anyone with a job will understand) I pray to God to remove this person from my life. He does, every. Single. Time. Because He also doesn’t want me to fall prey to anyone ever again; He’s already let me see what happens if I trust the wrong people.

Recognize ‘good’ people too and build relationships with them. Because many people are good, have the right intentions, and don’t need you to make excuses for their shitty behavior because they behave just fine on their own.

Appreciate the healing power of God. If God allows you to suffer, he will use that suffering to make you wiser and more powerful, then carry you out of the fire and make you brand new; better for the pain, but also like the pain never touched you in the first place. If you met me irl, you would never guess that I’d ever struggled as much as I did. This goes for appearance too; stress should age people rapidly, but I actually look much younger than I should, untouched by the burden of all these years. He did that.

Ok this answer has gotten so long and there’s so much more to say even though I mostly agree with you anyways lol. Also thanks for the comment on ‘cult mentality,’ because once again, you’re right, and that deserves it’s own post. I believe that all cults are Satanic, and Satan tries to imitate God. To imitate God, you need to really, really understand how God works. So Satan knows that only God uses evil for good, which is why cults employ this mentality; it’s another way the devil mocks the creator. It’s another lie, but to lie, you have to know the truth first. Hope that makes sense; cults can’t use evil the same way God can.

Tl:dr evil is never justified, but if God allows evil, it is because that evil is a ‘channel’ for greater good, like the labor pains to bring a child into the world. I do not condone evil, and people should never knowingly hurt others or let themselves be hurt. But if it happened, God allowed it. And if God allowed it, it’s for a good reason.

Thanks again for the message and for sharing your perspective. I hope this gives some food for thought, because that’s what you’ve done for me. Merry (late) Christmas and hope you have a great 2021 :)

[wanderinglotus7]

The Legacy Continues

Well, I made it! I made it. There are three days left of 2020 until we roll into 2021. This year has been a game changer. Game changer doesn’t seen correct...life altering sounds better. My life drastically changed within the past month. Though these events threw me off my game, I recovered and bounced back even stronger. This speaks to my tremendous strength in the Lord & within myself. I continue to tell myself that the fortune teller I spoke with summer 2019 has been spot on y’all. August 2020 to now, adjust to my new life has been challenging, but I don’t regret my decision moving to Massachusetts. This decision is part of the life-course God has plan for me.

Yes, I miss my family. However, my experiences of attending Bridgewater College and traveling to Thailand has prepared me for this moment in my life. Because of covid I haven’t really been active in my new environment, but I try to take advantage of the opportunities I do have to explore my surroundings. Last week I took a nice walk and ended up exploring another part of Newton and almost ended up in the inner city of Boston (I think I walked about 8 miles in total). I took another walk into town and walked into HomeGoods on my way to Starbucks. Leaving and returning to Boston, I took the train and was able to get myself to and from the Logan airport. Small victories in my book! I am in no rush to try to experience everything all at once. I have around 4 to 5 years to embrace Boston as my new home. I already feel like it is anyway. This is my true testimony to see if I can really be responsible for myself. So far, I feel confident in achieving/excelling in this area of my life. My upbringing has prepared me, yet again, for the challenges of [young] adulthood. 

I am getting ahead of myself. I have to rewind a bit give y’all an update. December 18th was the last day of classes and finals week. I have successfully finished my first semester of grad school!!! YEAH ME!!!!! I’m telling you the hard work paid off. I did have my moments of doubt and feelings of not being good enough. I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning trying to balance school, work, and my internship. On top of that, I am trying to balance a relationship along with working on my mental health. My mind & body is always on the go. No time for rest...actually there are moments of rest, but I chose not to rest instead. I have a bad habit of pushing through and bulldozing my way through my life. I don’t take the necessary time to be present and focus on what is in front of me. Sometimes, I get too focused on the future and forget to enjoy the present. I have been in this mode since mid October to the 18th. Midterms kicked me in the ass because that was around the same time I began working at chipotle. Even before Chipotle, I was falling behind on the readings and assignments for my classes. On the other hand, my internship with Amirah is not a stressor in my life because it is an experience that I am passionate about. I’m not bothered having to wake up early and end my days late when it comes to my internship because I am that committed. Being overwhelmed and stressed I passed all my midterms with good grades (all As and one B)! Then the unexpected happened...

October 29th at 11:18pm, I received a phone call from my mother informing me that my Grandmother Shirley unexpected passed away. I think they determined her cause of death was because of a heart attack. I’m not sure. Honestly, I don’t think I really want to know. I’m hoping she passed away peaceful. The news sent me into shock. I just couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. I just had a conversation with that previous Thursday or Saturday, and the conversation went so well. She was so proud of me. She was excited for me to be home for Christmas and all these other things. It’s not the same, but at least we were able to say “I love you” before she passed. Who would’ve known that would be the last time I will ever speak to her again. And this had to happen around the holidays and around the same time that Laura Mae (my great grandmother passed away). In less than three weeks, I received a phone call and text early in the morning from my Grandma Louise and my dad telling me that my granddaddy unexpectedly passed away too. Two grandparents removed from my life at the snap of the finger.

With help from my family, I was able to fly to Virginia for both funeral services. This time I said my final good-byes unlike with Laura Mae. I didn’t want to live with that guilt. Everyone has been very compassionate, understanding, and accommodating to my situation and has given me time to grieve & heal especially regarding BC, Amirah, & Chipotle. I missed a few classes and had to receive a few extensions on a couple of assignments. I pulled through the best way I could manage in my emotional state. My emotional state didn’t get any better dealing with my relationship during this time. Some of my boyfriend’s recent decisions added more unnecessary stress in my life. I was already stressed about me introducing him to my entire family because the timeline got rushed and I wasn’t for sure if I wanted him around while I’m going through a mental & emotional meltdown. At the end of the day, he wanted to be there for me to provide his live and support and I wasn’t going to deny him of doing so. It would’ve been selfish of me to tell him “No”. Everything happens for a reason. Instead of spending maybe two weeks together, my boyfriend and I spent basically all of November together bouncing between Gloucester and Woodstock. It sucked that it had to be under sad circumstances.

Decisions, decisions, decisions that is where my mind was at. Only a few individuals gave me the needed space to focus & process my emotions. From all angles I was being pressured to make some permanent decisions in which my mind was not in the right mind frame to be thinking. I did reach out and have been receiving counseling services from the university which has been helpful. I am in the process of searching for a therapist outside of the university for long-term treatment. Though I tell myself sometimes I feel like quitting, I decided to remain a full time student, declared my concentration, and completed my field placement application for 2021-2022 academic year. I’m on tract to graduating Spring 2022. Being blessed again, I was able to receive extensions on two of my finals and on my field placement assignments. I passed all my finals! I received all As and one B+. I ended the semester with a 3.6 GPA. Not too shabby (lol). I know my grandparents are very proud of me.

I’m proud of myself! I didn’t surrender and take the easy way out. I turned 24 on the 7th which is another milestone in my life. I was shown much love that exceeded my expectations. I spent the Christmas alone, but I made the best out of my situation & was still able to connect with my loved ones. Since the 18th I devoted my downtime, and overall winter break taking better care of myself. The last week I was home, I noticed that I’ve been severely neglecting myself and it was heavily damaging my well-being. I’m growing in setting and maintaining my boundaries, learning to be present with emotions & resting, being okay with saying “no” and not feeling guilty about it. The most important lesson is not overworking myself in every aspect of my life. I am no good to myself or others if I am completely burnt out. 

I am praying that 2021 isn’t a continuation of this year. Yet, 2020 has not been all too horrible. I have been able to grow in so many ways that I am becoming a better individual. Most important, I’m continuing to learn how to be a better person for myself!