#but fuck I am so ready to not be around him and the toxic gas that spews from his mouth

[spock-smokes-weed]

This is gonna be an over share, but I literally have a “comedian” twitter bro for a dad. Worst part is he’s never been on Twitter.

Imagine an angry grumpy boomer, paired with the vaguely lefty twitter bro who never shuts up about “you can’t say anything these days!” and thinks insulting ppl is the peak of comedy. That’s my dad and I’m in hell.

[igotanidea]

The fear: Jason Todd x fem!reader part 1

"I'm calling Y/N."

"I don't need her here!"

"We both know you do."

"I don't want her here!"

"Jason." Dick was caught in the middle between getting angry at his brother and being annoyed with his stubornness.

"Do not call her!" he yelled in frustration "I can handle myself. There's no need to."

12 hours earlier

In fact, nothing happened. It was just a regular day, regular patrol, regular criminals. Nothing unusual. Red Hood was running around the crime alley making sure no kids or working girls were harassed by any scumbags. Quite peaceful night to be honest. Until one particular bat decided to come by Red's territory. It was official business. Apparently, Scarecrow escaped from Arkham, again, and was last saw by Tim, crossing the Crime Alley's border. Jason was not happy with Dick appearance (since obviously Tim decided to stay behind, not ready to face his angered resurected brother) and instead of working together to capture Crane before any damage was done they started bantering. Who would have thought, right?

"Cut it off, you two! Something's happening there!" Tim yelled through the comms trying his best to take hold of the situation

"The only thing that is happening is Dick getting his ass handed to him!"

"I'm serious, Red. There's some.... smoke? Oh shit."

"Oh, shit!" Dick repeated in sudden realisation "where is it, Red Robin? Where do we go? What do you see?"

"It's coming from the building on your right side, Nightwing. And it's spreading really fast."

"We're on it." Dick assured "Hood?"

"I am not working with you. Not now, not ever. Get the hell out of..."

"Oh, screw you." Dick hissed and moved to the edge of the rooftop in order to swinging away. Jay could have stayed there for what he cared, but Dick was not going to be passive. Crime Alley or not, there were still people exposed to Crane's fear toxin. "You know, I was really hoping you grew up just a bit."

"Wait. I'll help you. But only because of the kids living in that building. They.... they don't deserve any of that toxin to reach them."

"Good choice, Red."

However, despite boys best efforts they could not fully eliminate the threat and when they started their rescue operation some children were already crying in fears and terrors their poisoned brains produced.

"Janet." Red turned towards one of the working girls, who usually took care of some of the kids "is everyone out?"

"No. We couldn't find Jimmy, he wouldn't come out. Red, what is happening?"

"Where did you last see him? On which floor?"

"Third, but I still don't...."

"Watch them, Wing. I'll get the kid!" Jason took of running. He knew Jimmy Thomas. He was barely 8 years old and has already been through too much trauma. To tell the truth, Jay saw too much of himself from the past in this boy and made it his personal mission to protect him. And now, he was failing at that.

"What are you...?" he was not even listeing to whatever his older brother was saying when he burst to the building, heading towards the third floor in frantic search for the boy.

"Jimmy?! Jimmy where are you?!"

"I'm scared. Please, don't hurt me....." trembling voice came just from around the corner and Jay's heart clenched.

"Fuck! Jimmy, hey, you're good, kiddo, you're good" he grabbed that little broken figure in his arms, cradling him into his chest, covering boy's face so he wouldn;t inhale any more of the gas. "I'll get you to safety, all right? It's gonna be all good, I promise."

"Red? Are you good there? Did you find the boy?" Dick spoke throught the comms

"Yeah, I got him. I'm taking him out right now. Did you call for help?"

"I though you didn't want to work with the bats...."

"MEDICAL help, you idiot. Of course I don't want more of you."

"I don't think any doctor will help with Crane's toxic. You know it just have to wear off."

"Yeah, thanks for the clarification, replacement. And you keep wondering why I don't want you around."

Funny thing about Jason Todd was that while he was always ready to kill and kick asses, full of anger and tended to be harsh, he would NEVER let anyone hurt a kid. That was exactly why his hotheadedness took over when he rushed for the rescue and didn't spend one second wondering how the fear gas will affect him.

And he was about to find out.

edit: part 2 is up!

[thecameronchronicles]

Kill Bill

TW: stalker, possessive, toxic Rafe! Language. Dub!Con. Bondage. Degrading language. Dark!Rafe. Dom!Rafe. Anal play. Anal sex.

SUMMARY: Rafe's POV about how he plans to get her back, with unethical and unorthodox means, of course.

WORD COUNT: 2900

REQUESTED

Don’t know if you’re still taking request but anything in Rafe’s pov would make me so happy 😭🙏🏽

Iovdrew asked

hi babeee! how is everything going? i hope is all good love. you think you can do something based on “kill bill” by SZA? i think it suits rafe quite well. it’s okay if u cant. love u🤍🤍

Kill Bill

RAFE'S POV

What the fuck was she thinking showing up here tonight with him? A pogue?! At my house?! At my party?! It only made sense that I taught her little ass a lesson. That perfect little ass I know missed me. So why would I have to suffer when she was the one who made the mistake?

I waited until they left, acting as if I gave a shit about Topper's recent drama with Sarah. Some comment about her pulling away and my eyes noted how JJ wrapped her beneath his jacket. My fist curled around my drink at the thought of her smelling like him when I took her again. Marijuana and dirt was the best way I could think to describe it. A hint of saltwater. And blood if he dared to kiss her in front of me. Luckily for him and that pretty boy face, he was smart enough not to. Instead, he led her down my steps and towards his bike. 

A convenient lack of gas from the brake I cut, stalling him enough to enlist Kiara's help as I caught my girl finding me in the crowd. A taunting lift of my cup and she rolled her eyes before turning away. A smirk developed as I took a sip to how I knew I would have her rolling her eyes for me again. Only this time in the way I knew he never could. And he would never have a chance to if I had a say in it. 

"Hey…Need some gas?" She looked at me as if I offered her cocaine. Not exactly uncommon for me, but not for her. I'd never let her touch the stuff. Not when I knew the hold it could have over someone. And I only wanted her to be that addicted to me. And she would be. Whether she liked it or not. 

"You have some?"

"Ward kept some in the shed…" Her eyes widened as she swallowed hard. The mention of the shed was intentional to the last time we were in there. A hook hung in the center of the room as I took her from behind. She dripped so beautifully for me. And she fucking remembered. I saw the fire in her eyes and the way she pressed her thighs together in remembering it. Remembering me. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't throbbing. 

"Kie is gonna give us a ride."

Fuck. Kiara always saving the day. 

"She's convinced it was more fuel efficient anyway…let's go, princess." He spoke intentionally to spite me as I only called after them. 

"Have a safe night," Well aware hers would be anything but. 

A few hours later, when everyone that remained at Tannyhill was too drunk or high to notice my absence, I slipped into the night and to her home. And I knew he was there with her. A radar for the leech that existed as JJ Maybank on high alert. But it didn't matter. I planned for this. 

I finalized the final strap to the bed as she awoke. Her eyes took only a second to adjust before she glared at me. 

"Rafe, what the fuck are you doing?" But as she asked, she offered another question before I could answer. "Why the hell am I tied up?! Let me go!" 

"Did you think I went through all this just to let you go?" 

"Stop! We can talk, okay?"

"I don't want to talk." I hovered over her, my hand at her jaw. 

"I want to fuck." Her face paled even though her eyes widened with need. My hand cascading down her face and to her breast, a ready nipple already erect. 

"Stop it…Rafe, I mean it!" But as she wanted to fight me, her body told me of her true need. My fingers removing the bralette from her breast and exposing her to me as she tensed to my tongue over the bud. Fuck I missed that little whimper she made when I did this. How could I ever think for a second I could be without it. Oh right, because I thought it would make her happy. Well, I won't make that mistake again…

"Good girl, baby…keep purring for me…just like you always did…" My hand continued even lower, my mouth set at her breast as she fought her body. Every nerve that I slowly broke behind. 

"You still get wet just from this?" I asked, a finger against her panties for validation. 

"Even worse…" I slapped her clit from over the clothes panties. 

"You remember last time she got hit? Came for me all over my tongue…" I looked up at her, finding her biting her bottom lip until it drew blood. Fuck, was she trying to make me come already?

"I can still taste it…my girl's cum all over my face…mmm…" I nestled my nose against her, breathing in her scent. The scent I caused. 

"Even sweeter than I remember." 

"Please…Rafe…stop…" But her words were weak as I scoffed. 

"You know begging only makes me want to come inside that pretty little throat…but I don't want to risk making you raspy…not before I hear you beg for it…" I bit over the fabric of her clit, the friction making her arch. 

"But JJ…please." His name made me bite her, hard, as she winced. My weight shuffled off of the bed as I turned on the lamp across the room to get her attention. There, in a chair at the foot of the bed was JJ. Tied with his mouth, ankles, and hands kept out of place. 

"JJ!" 

"Fuck, she's already dripping for me, JJ…bet you never knew she could get this wet…" 

"It's okay…" He tried to muffle behind his mask as I scoffed. 

"It's anything but…don't worry, JJ…I'm not evil." I smirked as I whistled, the door coming open across the room. A girl I knew wanted JJ entered, her lips already moistened when she saw him. 

"As promised…" I explained as she moved to her knees in front of JJ. His eyes wide as he fought against her until his cock was in her mouth. Then his eyes screwed shut, his hips making a slow rise as I turned back to her teary gaze. 

"I haven't been with anyone since you. In here…" I reminded her of the bedroom as the wall behind the bed still wore the same wounds made into the wall. 

"And he's already coming from some other girl.."

His moans were valid in this as he was lost to her skilled mouth. 

"JJ!" To this, I moved over to him, pulling off the tape and stopping the whore at his knees. 

"You want her to stop, JJ?" He clenched his teeth, dripping with need. 

"Fuck…" She stoked him. "Look at our girl…she's so wet watching you…don't you want her to come?"

"Jesus…."

"Tell her you want her to keep sucking you, man, she will…she's good for it…" she grinned. 

"Keep going…fuck…keep going…" My girl cried as I moved to her. 

"Yes sweetheart…oh shit…you feel good…"

"Pogues may be resilient, but they're impatient…" JJ continued to endorse her, only helping my cause as she turned away. 

"They don't know a good thing when they have it…" I pulled her panties down far enough to expose her to me as she shifted in sadness. 

"It's okay, baby…I'll remind you why you only need me to make you come…" I began with two fingers. 

"Fuck…you…" 

"Not yet, baby…damn, I guess his impatience is rubbing off on you…" 

"I hate you…" 

"Good…you'll come twice as hard then…once when you hate me…and once when you remember you love me…" I returned to her, my hand applying pressure to her stomach as I made her arch immediately. 

"I love it when you make it difficult…I can get every angle of you this way…"

She moaned. The way I knew she never did with him. The way I knew only I could make her. 

"Untie me…please Rafe…I want to touch you…" 

"I'm not falling for that, baby…"

"I want you in my mouth!" She begged as I saw the tears still in her eyes. 

"Yeah?" She nodded as I moved to the edge of the bed, hiding her chin softly in my direction. 

"Then suck me…" 

"Untie me…" To her response, I silenced her with my cock. Her eyes rolling as she looked towards JJ, face red and lips parted as he was basking in his own pleasure. 

"Focus on me, baby…I'd never hurt you…" She grazed her teeth on my skin as I hit her breast. 

"Not unless you deserved it." I flexed in her mouth, the way she was in pain making me nearly come on the spot. The only thing better than hearing her come in ecstasy was that pleas of agony. Both welcome by her once upon a time. 

"Be good and you get a reward…" I lowered my hand to her pussy. Jesus, she was crying everywhere for me. 

"One to start…" I explained as she tightened around me immediately. 

"Keep going…" I endorsed as her eyes closed, her brows raised to show her endurance turned to basking. 

"You missed choking on my cock, didn't you baby?" She nodded as I lived for this submission. I could feel myself closer than I wanted to be because of it. But her pussy deserved my cum, not her dirty little mouth. 

"Slow down…" She listened, focusing only on the tip as I filled her cunt. My palm rubbing at her clit as two fingers fucked into her. God she purred, too. 

My perfect little kitten. 

"You wanna come?"

She nodded in desperation. He remained audible as I teased my cock to her lips as she chased after it. 

"I want to untie you, but I can't trust you-"

"I swear, I just wanna have you inside me…" 

"One hand…" I offered as she bit her bottom lip with excitement, her hand moving directly to my shaft. 

"Good girl…oh fuck…" I moaned as JJ came behind me. Her eyes ignoring the shift they'd tried to make as I nodded. 

"See baby, I even last longer…"

"I know…" 

"You miss it?"

She nodded. 

"You want it?"

I grinned before unlatching her left ankle so I could turn her towards the bed. 

"I want to taste you. And he's gonna watch. Maybe learn something…sit on my face…" She was quick to obey, my good girl knowing exactly where she belonged. 

"Hold yourself open for me…" She reached between her legs and spread herself, dripping onto my lips. My tongue greedy to her as she bucked away from me. 

"Don't come, yet…I promise you can. And hard. Just not yet. Not until I say…" I felt her use her clit against me. 

"You want to make me come?"

"Yes!"

"Fuck.." I grunted before reaching up and leaving her untied in all ways but her right ankle that remained to the bed. Her hand wrapping around me and stroking me as I ate into her. My tongue savoring as she melted into my mouth. For a moment, I forgot about JJ and the girl. I just focused on her quivering at the edge of my tongue. 

"I miss your ass…"

"Take it!" She moaned as I scoffed. 

"You that desperate to come?" 

"Yes!"

"Shit…you are…" I used her dripping to her ass. That little hole calling for me. My fingers beginning first as she clenched tightly around my other hand. 

"Don't come…" I reminded. 

"I need to! RAFE, I'm gonna explode!"

"Squirt maybe…" I slapped her ass. "I don't know about explode-" 

"I'm gonna! It's…oh…it's so…fuck…Raaaafe! She fucked herself back into me, every hole devoted to me before I split her ass wider, spitting at the hole. 

"Ooh, even your little ass is wanting me…"

"Please…take me, Rafe…fuck me…" 

"Hear that, JJ…"

"Rafe! Me!" She moaned. "Please!" 

"Turn around." She obliged. "You ride me and you make him watch. And I promise to make you come all over my fucking cock." My hand was stationed at the back of her neck as she began, hurrying to bury me into her. I missed my little vixen. I missed how she missed me. 

"Harder!"

"You gonna come if I do?" She nodded quickly as I slapped her ass. 

"Then you wait…" 

"RAFE! I can't! I need it!" I took her breast in my mouth, leaving bruising and a bite mark as she arched beneath me. She always loved being marked and bruised. It's why I needed her every fucking second. To correct her. 

"Not even using a condom, baby."

"I want to feel you come inside me…" Her nails are into my back, blood dripping down her trail as I flexed. 

"Give me it…" She knew what I meant, pulling the blood to my lips. 

"I wanna make you bleed…" She offered her lip as I took it between my teeth as she winced. 

"Yes…" I grinned. "Baby, fuck harder…I want to feel how badly you want it." I ordered as I assisted in the rise made of her hips. 

"RAFE! I'm gonna come! You're hitting right there!!!" 

"Here?" I asked with a finger to her clit. 

"Yes!!! Fuck! I can feel it…It's so close baby…" 

"Oh shiiiit…." I breathed out as my balls tightened. I wanted to last. I needed to. But her pull and submission was too much. The clench. The blood. Her body. Her pussy. Fuck…that good shit…she was making me an animal rooting up into her. 

"Yes! Like that!"

"Yeah baby?" I sucked into her neck, squeezing her ass as tightly as I could as my middle finger teased that hole. 

"Please! PLEASE!" I obliged, fucking her through both holes as she left me. Her body trembling and her eyes nearly possessed. When she crashed, I threw her onto her stomach. My jaw forcing her to look at JJ who was being overstimulated by his whore. 

"Yes…" He mouthed to her. 

"Fuck you…" She spoke to him as I'd never loved those words more coming from her. 

"You want him to watch you come again?" 

"Please…I want more…" I pulled her hair and made him watch her. 

"One hole left, baby."

"Fuck it…" I spit into her spread cheeks. 

"It's already soaked…"

"It needs you…" I slapped her ass. 

"Oh yeah? Let me hear you beg  a bit then…if you need me…" 

"I'll do anything please just fuck me there…right here…" She lifted her hips, opening her cheeks wider. 

"Tempting, baby…"

"Oh God! RAFE please!" I teased her with the head of my cock. 

"Here?"

"Fuck yes…"

"Has he?"

"No!" 

"Good." I thrusted. Cruel and cold as she came the second I began. Her body trembling as I set two fingers back inside of her. 

"Rafe….baby…"

"You used to take me all night…you have a lot to make up to me…and he's gonna watch every fucking time…"

"Rafe…"

"He loves it…" I smirked, scoffing at how her ass squeezed me. Warranting a slap of approval. 

"Keep doing that ..yeah yeah yeah yeah…"

"JJ…" I pulled her hair. 

"You don't fucking say his name while I'm inside you…"

"I'm sorry!" She rasped as I kissed her hard. 

"I'm gonna fucking come again!" She announced, pained. 

"It's too much…I'm gonna..I'm-Rafe…Rafe- I'm gonna!" And there it was, the thing he could never make her do. I knew it. The second I touched her I knew it. And she was doing it for me.

Spurt after spurt. She came hard, as promised. My own load filling her as I paused, feeling her relax.

Big mistake…

"I'm not done sweetheart…" I mimicked JJ's name for her as she eyes widened. 

"I gave you what you wanted…" the pain hit me at the moment. She allowed herself to enjoy it so it would end. So the truth was simple. I wouldn't let it. 

"Are you mine?" Her eyes shifted to JJ. 

"Until you are, we aren't done. Even if it means you get fucking knocked up…I'll take care of you…but right now, you need to learn your fucking lesson. Having to each you drive around town with this pogue, when you will always be on your back for me…or any other fucking angle I want." I fucked into her again. Every ounce of anger projected into each snap of my hips as she continued to come. 

It was the only thing that kept me from killing either of them. Something I wasn't even sure I was capable of until seeing how she looked at him. She might actually love him. But she wouldn't by the time I was done with her. 

No matter how long it took…

TAGLIST:

@rafesmoon @maybankslover @puzziepoppin @gillybear17 @onclouds999@hopebaker @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4tangerine @slvtherinseeker @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @jjmaybanksangel @phildunphyisadilf @belcalis9503

MASTERLIST

RAFE CAMERON MASTERLIST

2ND RAFE CAMERON MASTERLIST 

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

i love your story’s! theyre all beautifully written, but may i request a Toxic!eren fanfic? Where eren gets jealous and ends up teaching y/n a lesson?

If you feel uncomfortable you don’t have to respond i completely understand!

I’ve written quite a fair amount of stuff w this concept but toxic! Jealous! Eren is timeless. I’m going to do something risky and not tag something bc I don’t wanna spoil the story.

Title: am i warm enough for you?

TW: dark content

Were you purposefully this dense or were you trying to spite him? He was gripping his glass very tightly, green eyes boring into the back of your head. Beside him, his redhead friend let out a nervous chuckle, “Mate you’re going to-“.

Eren let the glass go. No point in getting his fist bloody over the broken glass when he can break something else instead. Something that’ll rattle like the bones of the stupid boy dancing with you right now.

He gets up from the stool, sidestepping the giggling bodies obscured by stage fog and glaring red beams of strobe lights.

When he finds you, there’s a laugh bubbling from your lips like the joke the stupid brunet told you was the funniest thing in the world. And when you finally notice Eren silently watching and judging, molten fury in his eyes, all that tipsy giddiness is drained from your face.

You entertain the idea of turning around and just leaving, but there’s a death grip on your arm and you don’t have a death wish. Softly, you whisper goodbye to your new friend and Eren is biting his tongue so hard, he can taste blood. He resists the urge to beat the guy blue and bloody but the last thing he needs to do is create a scene, so he just focuses on the feel of your wrist clasped in his hold.

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” You curse once he shoves you outside. It’s so cold you can see your breath. You regret not doing more shots, not drinking more, because all the cocktails in your stomach could only keep you warm for so long.

Eren shakes himself outside of his thick jacket and puts it on you. At first, you think of being stubborn and refusing it, but the fleece feels so warm. Eren isn't surprised. You’ve never been the type to sacrifice personal comfort. You’re spoiled like that.

“Won’t you be cold?” You ask, tilting your head slightly, trying not to look at how there were snowflakes stuck between his dark lashes. His dark hair is sprinkled with snowflakes too, and it’s a pretty contrast.

He shrugs, “I’ll be fine. It’s not a long trip to the car.”

It’s not, and you wait in the passenger as he gets the car started. The interior of his Jaguar is lush and dark, and you can feel yourself sinking into the seat, eyelids struggling to keep awake.

The roads are clear and icy. The windshield wipers are on to get rid of the clumping snow. He didn’t drink at all at the club, you muse in the back of your head. Not like Eren at all.

“I’m angry at you.” He says at a red light, fingertips drumming on the steering wheel.

“You took me there!” You exclaim.

“And you were supposed to be my side where I could watch you, not whore yourself off to-“

“That is sooo unfair. All I do is dance with one guy and it's the end of the world but you-“.

“Do not interrupt me.” That shuts you up because his voice is frostier than the weather outside. He doesn’t look at you, his eyes are straight ahead as he pushes on the gas pedal, going way too fast on a 55.

“I’m not going to take you out again until you learn how to behave.”

You whine, “Eren. Cmon, you’re my brother. There’s no reason for you to be so protective like this.”

“It’s precisely because I’m your brother that I treat you like this.” He sighs, sounding less cold now and more exasperated, “You’re just...not ready for boys, okay?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Attitude drips from every word in your question.

“Exactly what I said.”

You make a groan of frustration, “This is so unfair. I don’t understand. You bring home a different girl every week.”

“-that’s not true”.

“Yes. Yes, it is! Do you even remember the name of the chick you brought last month? Hell, do you even remember who you brought yesterday?”

He’s pulling into an exit when he tells you, “I can do whatever the fuck I want because I can take care of myself. You dropped out of school, and don’t even know how to fucking file your own taxes.”

You can feel your heartbeat rushing into your ears, “If I’m this much of a burden to you, why don’t I just leave?” You’re practically shouting out the words.

Eren runs a hand through his unruly hair, “C’mon. You know I didn’t mean it like that. I-I like taking care of you.” There’s a stammer you catch, affirming your belief that he’s a terrible liar.

You guys are in the driveway of his house, “Eren let me out.”

You hate this car and how you can’t open it until he lets you.

He’s using his boss voice, “I think maybe we should talk. I said hurtful things to you and I realize I shouldn’t have. But you have to understand that-“

“Fuck you.”

SMACK

The slap is so resounding it echoes, and you can feel your cheeks warm in blooming pain as tears rush into your waterline.

“Holy shit.” The dark-haired boy growls, “I am so fucking done at playing nice to a brat.”

[prncssguya]

Hi ! I am sorry I’m actually just writing to commiserate with you about the devil judge, I saw your post about how everyone just puts everything on Yohan and I agree sooo much, it’s infuriating to me, how Min Jung Ho just like immediately says it’s his fault he got attacked, and don’t get me started on the fucking priest, what the hell bro? He was a child, a lonely, weird, abused child, not the fucking devil. Seriously it is getting me crazy, it feels like the only person who sees him as a human being is Gaon. I know a lot of people have made a parallel between tdj and Hannibal, and like, I really disagree ? I understand where it comes from, but Hannibal and Yohan are vastly different characters, and the whole characterization of Yohan to me feels like the writers are saying that while every one thinks this guy is the devil, he is very far from it, whereas Hannibal is definitely a monster, and his relationship with will is monstrous as well (and very captivating don’t get me wrong). What do you think about that parallel ? It just rubs me the wrong way but I don’t know if I put it into words correctly. Sorry for the really long ask btw 😅

Hi! thanks for the question. I completely understand what you’re saying. I hope I can answer this well because it’s really so complex. Sorry if this turns into a whole dissertation essay, Hannibal is like my favorite show ever.

Yea I can see a lot of people draw comparisons to TDJ and Hannibal saying things like “tdj is just Hannibal in a courtroom” or “tdj is Hannibal without the cannibalism” lol. I think what people are mostly looking at is the dynamic between Yohan/GaOn and Hannibal/Will and how they’re similar to some degree.

Gahan and Hannigram have a similar type of tension with each other. The difference is Ga On already had suspicions about Yohan from the very beginning and was very antagonistic towards him. Will, on the other hand, initially thought Hannibal was just psychiatrist and sought out his help. It wasn’t until a little later that he started suspecting him and grew to understand his true dark nature.

Yohan/Hannibal— wealthy socialite, sociopathic tendencies, hiding a secret, wearing a “person suit” (more on this later) to fool those around them, misanthrope and thinks humans are beneath them, thinks no one in the world could possibly understand them until they find the one person who does and they can only show their love through violence and manipulation.

Ga On/Will— sensitive, empathetic, intelligent

Will is first introduced as this tortured genius who has an empathetic ability to recreate scenes. In short, he can vividly construct the mentality of criminals and psychopaths. Being able to step into a darkness like that, you have to eventually lose a part of yourself and start sympathizing with the monsters and that’s what eventually happens to him. They’re both capable of murder. Ga On was ready to kill the con artist for his parents if SH hadn’t intervened. They have a moral compass in their corner to keep them grounded (Jack Crawford for Will, Soo Hyun for Ga On—I won’t even mention Min Junho because the guy is sus). They’re both fighting against an internal darkness

Gahan/Hannigram— THE HOMOEROTIC TENSION.

“I want you to admit what you are.”

“Must I denounce myself as a monster, while you still refuse to see the one growing inside you.”

Actual lines from Hannibal. I can’t even mention all the lines that could apply to Gahan (I could hear these words being exchanged between them). Both Hannibal and Yohan bring out the best, and worst, in their partners. Hannigram is toxic as hell. Hannibal would go through all kinds of sick shenanigans to get Will on his side, Yohan has said he would do bad things to get Ga On on his side. Gahan’s relationship is one that starts out tense and mistrustful, then grew to curiousity, comaderie, now Yohan has come to rely on Ga On without him even realizing it or admitting it to himself.

“No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them.”

This is obvious. Hannibal is a cannibal, Yohan is not.

I was rooting for Will to finally succumb to his darkness and join Hannibal’s side because he found the truest version of himself in Hannibal. I have different expectations for Ga On because my sweet summer child is more different from Will, he’s not as drawn to darkness as Will is (in the recent episode, he was so horrified at the blood on his hands). Will in the end basks in it.

I agree with you about Hannibal, there’s really no denying that he is a monster. And there’s really no explanation for why he is the way he is; he wasn’t abused (as far as we know) but he was orphaned and left to raise his beloved sister (who died) and later became a serial killer. Yohan, on the other hand, was an abandoned and abused child who only had the love of his older brother. It’s no wonder that he puts up a tough exterior because all throughout his life, people have made assumptions about him without trying to get to know him. I mentioned the “person suit” earlier, this is a mask Hannibal puts on to blend into the human world. He carefully built his life and reputation as a surgeon/psychiatrist and socialite, presenting himself as the sociable doctor while living his philosophy of eating the rude on the other side on the veil.

Yohan’s person suit is a defense mechanism. Whereas Hannibal is using his suit to hide a monstrous nature, Yohan uses it to hide his vulnerabilities. He’s wearing this suit to blend in with the elite he hates, but underneath that exterior is just a lonely and misunderstood man (who’s actually a softie in reality)

Finally, I think these two shows don’t really have a whole lot in common besides the homoerotic tension. Gahan are vastly different from Hannigram. Yohan isn’t a true monster/devil while Hannibal is. Will turned his back on his moral compass and succumbed to the darkness, while Ga On can’t seem to let go of his moral compass and he doesn’t desire to become a monster.

Sooo ultimately…

[thefanficmonster]

Breathing In

Sequel to: “In Too Deep”

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Cheating (Past), Mentions of toxic relationships

Genre: Romance, Angst

Summary: It’s not just about leaving a person behind, it’s about leaving behind what feels to be a separate world, one you want to detach from yet you still want to hold onto for the twisted comfort it gives you, the familiarity of it all. But then again, you’ve been drowning in the deep too long to still want to hold on, and all you want is to swim up to the surface and breathe in.

Requested by the lovely readers who showed the first fic “In Too Deep” so much love and support. I’m so glad to be writing a sequel for this piece because I enjoyed writing it so much! I love the storyline and I can’t express how grateful I am the Anon who sent in the request for it in the first place. Love you all, Vy ❤ 

A romantic relationship should never be a responsibility. A person should never be another person’s responsibility. One cannot be a pillar and stand strong while the other is falling apart, leaning on them and depending on them for everything in their life. That’s not love, it’s hell. It’s a job you get paid for with nothing but exhaustion, pain and emptiness. Your mind’s constantly flooded by images of all those times you could’ve experienced had those ‘what if’s happened.

What if she didn’t turn up to class late that day? What if she didn’t need anyone to distract the professor for her to get in the classroom undetected? What if when Kaylor asked for sex as a repayment she refused and slapped him across the face?

Well, things would be different. She wouldn’t be living like this, that’s for sure. She’d be working her ass off, just like she’s wanted to all her life. Coming from a family of drunks and bums, she’s always wanted to prove her worth, not to others but to herself. To prove that ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ doesn’t always apply. She’s always been terrified of that saying, never wanting to become like her parents and older siblings. Never wanting to become like Kaylor who started off as her acquaintance, proceeded to become a guy she regularly hooked up with and then became her boyfriend. And then, the worst decision among all she’s ever made, she allowed him to slip that ring onto her finger and a few months later exchange vows with her in front of an altar. Had her phone not died the night prior to meeting him, none of this would’ve happened. She’d have several normal jobs instead of one barely-paying one and one she didn’t know she ever even signed up for - taking care of Kaylor.

She’s been drowning in the deep for so long, she can barely remember. Long enough to forget how breathing in feels.

However, she’s not the only one.

He has his own fulfilled ‘what if’s as well: what if he hadn’t left his apartment that night? What if he had stopped after the second beer like he originally intended to? What if he didn’t choose exactly that night to socialize with the stranger who sat down on the bar stool next to him. What if he simply paid for his drinks and left?

But he didn’t, he didn’t do any of that. Didn’t manage to preserve himself, didn’t manage to keep it in his pants or hide the lust in his eyes. Still, the hook-up on its own wouldn’t have been so horrible had it not led to what it did afterwards. Had it not led to a relationship with one very fragile girl. A girl much like him, too much like him. Constantly insecure, fearful, paranoid, dependent, distrusting. A girl always in need of a firm grip on her hand and an external voice telling her it would all be alright because her internal voice is never optimistic. Her own mind doesn’t like her, she can barely stand it, and he got caught in that crossfire.

He can’t really picture what he would be doing with his life if it wasn’t for Ida, he’s that sucked in. He’s that deep into this mess. It’s not water he’s drowning in, it’s quicksand, the type that’s taken form with his regret and self-hatred as a base. Breathing in would result in sand-filled lungs but at this point his only wish is to breathe in, no matter the consequences. After all, if it doesn’t save him it’ll kill him and he can live with that.

Still, it hasn’t all been dark for our broken lovers. There are several ‘what if’s Corpse and Y/N don’t ever wanna imagine or know the outcome of. Such as, for example: What if the two of them never met? What if they didn’t strike up the relationship question? What if they didn’t share that kiss in that parking lot that night. That single contact between their lips was the only thing they didn’t regret that night. What they regret the most, however, is walking away from one another, spiraling their situation out of control, turning it into a twisted, sticky spiderweb, laced with the sin of cheating on a significant other. 

If it were as simple as people make it out to be - break up with the other person instead of cheating - they would’ve done it so long ago. They would’ve been far from here. Very far from this fucking place and these fucking problems had they been the ones holding the leash of their fate rather than let the current of events manipulate them.

Maybe they’re a little late with the grasp of this realization, but that’s not what matters. What’s important is the here and now, the events that are about to occur or not occur. The actions that will or won’t be taken. Y/N and Corpse have been a will they/won’t they pair from the very start, always leaning more towards won’t because of how impossible it all felt. How hopeless the spiraling hell they were in made them feel.

But now the tables have turned.

Corpse was the first to leave his hell-cell. He did so by cutting things off with Ida a week ago. He did so rather gently and caringly, promising he’s always a phone call away whenever she needs him. It took a lot of preparation and guts he didn’t have but had to develop in order to execute such a delicate operation and make it a successful one. The response he got from her was rather surprising.

“I was hoping you’d call it off.“ She said with a small smile, shocking him to the point of letting out a small gasp, “I mean, you know me, I could’ve never done it. But I hated what I was doing to you and I hated myself even more for not being able to stop and...“ she trailed off, her lips pressing in a thin line, eyes glistening with tears, “...I’m so glad you did it. You’re saving both of us, trust me.“

As he was packing his stuff, he overheard Ida’s phone call with her parents, telling them she wanted to move back in with them for a little while but refused to answer any further questions, at least not over the phone. That was the biggest relief, a whole-ass boulder lifted off him, allowing him to finally breathe in. But he wasn’t breathing in at full lung capacity, he still isn’t even no as he stands outside a gas station, leaning on the side of his car which is loaded with all his belongings which he doesn’t have many of, thankfully. He’s waiting for her - the half of this relationship that’s still swaying between will it/won’t it. Corpse is all will, all in, ready for a new, fresh start, ready to be able to breathe the air of the real world, feel the breeze of a real life finally. Whereas Y/N is not as certain, not as prepared and a lot more emotionally attached. It’s understandable, she’s leaving behind a husband, not just a boyfriend.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Corpse. I won’t be able to live if something happens to him. I’ll forever feel guilty, I’ll hate myself forever. You gotta understand.“ She told him the same night him and Ida had their break-up. He called her, telling her he had some big news to share. His excitement was quickly shot down when she gave him this response, eyes glossy with sorrowful tears.

He understood.

She asked for time. He gave it to her.

He gave her an ultimatum. She gave dubious agreement.

The ultimatum? : meet him at this gas station, with her belongings, right at sunset, prepared for the adventure filled with struggles, the whole experience of starting new.

And so he waits, watching as the sun goes lower and lower, leaving the scene to be taken over by the moon and now dark and starry sky - just like his hopefulness is stepping aside for his depression and dread to take over.

She’s not here. She hasn’t tried to reach out to tell him anything. Even a rejection would’ve been better than to let him wait here, his heart breaking a bit more with each passing minute. All this time he’s been trying to convince himself he’ll move on without her if she doesn’t show up. He’ll skip town like the two of them planned to do together. He’ll leave and leave it all behind, Y/N included. But now, looking from this standpoint, being barely a minute away from having to put his foot down on the gas pedal and drive out of the city, pass the sign that’ll tell him he’s passed the threshold, he finds it brings him almost physical pain.

He’s not sure he can do it.

With a heavy sigh he spares the horizon one final glance to see there are only faint traces of the sun he was observing just minutes prior, the final reminder that he has to go now, has to stay true to himself and respect the ultimatum he posed, no matter how much it hurts emotionally, mentally or physically.

Just as he’s about to enter his car, he hears what sounds to be footsteps, but before he can even look up to check where they’re coming from a loud, cheery yell startles him.

“HEY! Look what I got!“ He’d recognize that voice anywhere and no matter what words it says, it’ll always grab his full attention just like it did just now.

Corpse whirls around to face the direction of the voice to see her, Y/N beaming at him brighter than the sun he just watched set. Over one shoulder she has a duffel bag and in the opposite arm she’s dragging a suitcase and if that isn’t confirmation enough, in her free hand she proudly wields what looks to be a document. When she gets closer, his eyes widen at the realization of what she’s holding - divorce papers.

“H-how?“ He stutters in disbelief, his jaw hanging, his heart beating like crazy, his eyes brimming with tears of joy that’s just exploded throughout his chest like a firework.

She rolls her eyes, dropping the papers, suitcase and duffel bag in the dust, “You talk too much.“ With that, she rushes over to him, throwing her arms and legs around him, her head nuzzled in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent.

Breathing in, they’re both breathing in, with full lung capacity at that - something they never thought they’d have the chance to do, but here they are. Here they stand, shamelessly in each other’s tight , loving embrace that they never want to have to let go of again, afraid of the wrong eyes seeing it.

They are finally free, finally out of the deep end and back to being afloat, floating towards the nearest island to make it their own. And on that note...

“Let’s get out of here.“ Y/N whispers in Corpse’s ear, her fingers tightening the hold of his shirt at his shoulder blades.

He doesn’t need to be told twice.

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[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Take Me to Your Leader.”

I hope you guys are all having a great week, and I hope you enjoy the read.

Captain Kell sat in his room's boots up on the small desk space as he watched the news report filtering in from over the feed.

“Early this morning the chairwoman of the UN has announced a state of emergency and launched a formal investigation into the attempted assassination of the GA’s Admiral Vir. This all comes in response to the announcement by UN president late last night  that they were unable to identify connections to any internal terrorist organizations after a woman was caught attempting to assassinate the Admiral during one of his speeches two months ago. The failed assassination was thanks to 25 year old marine Angle Ramirez who dove in front of the bullet for his commanding officer, and is now (as his family claims) fully healed and back to work. Since the incident, GA and UNSC leaders alike have encouraged Admiral Vir to stay away from earth as much as possible and remain on his ship until further notice.  At a request from one of our journalists yesterday morning, he agreed to a statement from his ship the Omen.”

There was a flickering on the screen as a face appeared  on the news feed. It was, somewhat from a distance, and the lens seems grainy from radiation interference, but the man seen was tall and blond and had one green eye though he was wearing an eyepatch. Captain kell thought he looked a little more lean than the admiral, but it was hard to tell with all the distortion.

When the man began to speak there was something missing in the voice as well, but it would hardly be noticeable.

There was a knock at his door and he quickly threw his feet down from the desk walking over to throw the door open and step outside into the hall. Angelo was waiting for him there and without saying a word the two of them walked down the long hallway and to the planning room.

Mace was still discussing with some of the other men and women there., and Geea and Beatrice were still loitering at the back.

Captain Kell couldn’t keep the distaste from his thoughts as he looked at the two of them. There was a prime example of toxic love if he had ever seen it. The two were clearly partnered or, at the very least, dating, but he had never seen two people who enjoyed pissing each other off as much as they did. WIth them there was plenty of jealousy and mistrust to go around. And as for Geea’s views on Drev religion, well they were backwards to say the least.

He had seem the same sort of fanaticism in certain shamed drev generals after the war, radical, and suicidal almost in nature.

She had no real idea what the meaning of the new law was.

As soon as he walked in the two women turned to look up at him, their arms crossed over their chests. Beatrice was playing with some big ass knives like that was likely to impress anyone, but really all he saw was some crazy asshole whose parents probably didn’t give her enough attention when she was a kid.

He sad down at the table.

Geea leaned forward expectantly.

“Setting course/”

He turned his head to look up at her, “Yes, setting course to whatever cesspit of corruption spawned you.”

Geea pulled back, “Excuse me, but we hired you for a job, not for insults.” One of her hands reached for the weapons on her belt, but Noble stepped forward spear at the ready. He was a good foot taller than she was, and he knew for a fact he was probably a better warrior. He had a natural talent for it.

He leaned back in his seat, “You hired me for a job and now expect me to fling my dead corpse at the Omen like my ship is going to be able to handle that.” he shook his head, “You hired me which means we are going to do this MY way, which means we are going to do it quiet, and we are going to do it proper. That means NONE of this comes back on me. If we show up at the omen right now and bust down their doors, we are going to get atomized by two platoons of marines and an entire clan of Drev. LEts not also forget that the Admiral Isn’t exactly going to be easy to just kill.” Captain Kell waved a hand wildly, “He has a fucking Drev SAINT on his crew, that is hardly something I think I want to deal with.” he shook his head, “No no, this is going to take me a lot longer to plan, and it is going to require a lot more material that I don’t already have.”

Geea bristled in impatience and indignation.

“I am not going to throw my life away for this mission, and if you want to push that, than I will throw you out of the airlock faster than you can say, “please captain, please I was just being a whiny little bitch.” The room was silent around Geaa’s seething, but he paid her no mind. She didn’t exactly scare him.

She was a minor player in the black market at best, and the way she moved told him she was no great shakes as a warrior either. Probably used to fighting humans so developed a habit of using brute force to overcome them with her height. As for Beatrice, he had a feeling that she made up for skill mostly in unpredictability and sheer fury.

Anyone can look scary if they scream real loud and flail their knives at you.

The way their crew behaved was enough to tell him as  much. No one on the ship really respected them, and Geea ruled mostly out of ear, her men were not as loyal to her as she thought they might be, and he had a feeling that, for the right price, he could buy them off if he wanted.

He rested his palms flat against the table before him, “You understand if I am going to do this I am going to need all the right equipment. You want the man gone but I want it to look like some freak disappearance The last thing my crew needs is the long arm of the GA down on our heads.” he shook his head, “No we need to do this strategically, and we need to do this quietly, and we are going to start by getting the tech we need to pull this off without being seen.”

He turned to look at the two of them, “I am assuming that you two know where I can get those sorts of things…. Under the radar.”

Geea crossed her arms over her chest, “And YOU don’t. You are a pirate after all.”

“Yeah, I generally tend to STEAL from other people and sell it to middle men. I don’t generally tend to buy any of the goods.”

Geea  stood, waiting for a long moment before finally uncurling her hands in annoyance, “Fine, Fine, but we make this quick.”

He nodded his head once and motioned her to continue on following her up and to the bridge where he watched her set a course.

He tried to make it look like he wasn’t watching her, but in the back of his mind he was quickly memorizing the coordinates that he saw appearing on screen. Granted he did have a bot installed that should copy it for him, but you can never trust technology to do exactly what you expect it to do.

When she was done, he moved forward and slid into the Captain’s chair, familiar with the machine as he prepared it for a warp sequence.

Despite him being very familiar with this ship, more than one time he found himself accidentally reaching for controls that weren’t there. He cursed his muscle memory, though he forced the ship into doing what he wanted, alerting the crew to the imminent warp before he could accidentally kill one of them by sheer freak accident.

Geea watched him from behind.

He knew she didn’t much like him.

That was fine by him. She wasn’t exactly the kind of person that he would want to be liked by.

They came out of warp a few moments later with a hard lurch through the internal dampeners were doing their job to avoid smearing him across the front windscreen like window pizza.

She walked up to stand beside him and rested her hand of the chair, the gesture reminded him of someone else, and it felt wrong to have her do it, though he tried not to show his discomfort.

“Just beyond that asteroid.”

Captain Kell raised an eyebrow. This was all very interesting. Here he was thinking they would end up back on Noctopolis, for he had been sure that that was the hub of all pirate activity in the universe, but he guessed not. As they came around another asteroid, his eyes fell on a large chunk of rock that must have been over ten miles wide in his shi[s estimation, and from here he could already see the hive of docking ports and extending protrusions built into the rock.

He blinked in awe at the glittering blue lights and the hive of activity surrounding the massive asteroid.

Ships flew in and out through open docking bays landing here and there on extending arms. Good were moved by silent crane arms through space as add ons were constantly being made by men in space suits scurrying over the rock. The palace was…. Amazing at the same time it was an absolute disaster of engineering. You would never see something like tat made by the GA or UNSC, but from here he could see plenty of influence from all parties.

As they flew closer, they were absolutely dwarfed by the massive rock, and it’s protruding arms. All around him he saw human building techniques, and Tesraki logos stamped on almost everything as they moved forward. Massive viewing screens were all around them doing advertisements on things would would never have seen on a location run by UNSC or GA interference.

The one to his right was some sort of bootleg pill for weightloss, while, on the other side, someone was advertising some kind of flamethrower. The screen above that was giving the specs for the newest design in railgun technology.

His eyes were wide as he stared at all of it, and his heart began to race fast inside his chest.

Now THIS was awesome.

Being a space pirate sure did have its perks.

Over the radio feed static rolled in and out as the broadcasts from the different advertisements tried to pick up his frequency.

But one voice came in clear and crisp above all others, “Unknown aircraft. Identify yourself.”

“This is the Infinity requesting docking.”

There was a momentary pause over the other end of the line, as their ship was likely scanned before, “Docking permission granted, please proceed to hanger E docking space 6.”

He did as ordered, flying his ship down to the entrance of the docking bay, where he was ordered to slow, and then a large mechanical hand grabbed them around the hull and pulled them further into the asteroid.

They were dragged inside a ways, though he could definitely have flown in himself, and eventually sat down on E6. 

There was a sharp jolt as they made connection with the airlock, and he stood rom his spot, turning and walking past Geea and towards the cargo bay where his men were waiting. He looked at them each in turn, making slow eye contact with them.

“You know what to do?”

There was a nod as they recognized the true words behind his eye contact, and they quickly moved into pairs of two discussing which piece of “equipment” they were looking for.  It likely wouldn’t take them long, but he didn’t expect that part of their mission to take that long anyway.

Following after them, he was accompanied by Geea, Beatrice and Noble as they walked out into the tube and finally, into the absolutely massive atrium of the hidden Pirate city.

He had to stop, he just couldn’t help it, it was like nothing he had ever seen before, and his mind just couldn’t wrap itself around the massive room full of people and billboards and holograms. There were railed transports on the floor, and there were vendors selling strange food at every turn. It might have been any normal metropolitan area if it weren’t for the sort of advertisements for weapons, and strange illegal creams.

There was one place that was advertising body modifications….. With a ten percent discount if you got the limb removed with them as well.

On another wall someone was advertising a new mechanical eye. The technology hadn’t been released to the public yet, but the features…. Well the features were amazing. He found himself dragged in and rendered mostly stunned. They had him hooked by the first demonstration.

He wanted a cool new mechanical eye.

But Geea grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him, “Aren’t we supposed to be doing something.”

Angrily he frowned and held up a hand turning on her with his eyes narrowed.

He prodded her in the chest in a show of dominance towards her. Letting her know that he wasn’t afraid of being insulted or intimidated by someone  like her. To him she was nothing.

“Look, I’m not stupid. I know that this genius little assasination attempt wasn’t your idea, so right here and right now, you better take me to the asshole who set you up for this is you can color me gone. I don’t work through third parties.” He prodded her in the chest again with one finer, “I don’t trust them.”

The Drev stared down at him with absolute rage and consternation.

“Don’t touch me.” She hissed.

He prodded her again, “Just try and stop me.”

She reached for his hand, but he caught her by the wrist and twisted it. He knew the way Drev joints worked, so he knew exactly what NOT to do. She howled in pain and Beatrice moved forward to help, but a spear to her throat by Noble was enough to stop her in her tracks.

“Show me your boss, or your girlfriend becomes a kabob, your choice.”

There was a sharp growl and finally Geea agreed, taking her hand back with some measure of pain and annoyance, “Fine, fine…. Follow me.”

She stalked away grumpily and Noble kept an eye on beatrice as the were led further into the station.

The captain kept his head turning this way and that distracted by the bright and colorful ads, advertising things that he wanted, and some things that he didn’t.

To his surprise, more than once he saw advertisements for Iron eye Knockoffs. He would have dared get a procedure done on this back alley asteroid, but it was still quite shocking. This air of shock continued along with him as he was led down through the darkness and into the tight passages and tunnels of the Asteroid.

Eventually Geea stopped in front of a door and knocked once.

The camera above the door whirred and looked down at them. Geea waved to it and with a hiss it finally opened.

They were led into a small waiting room with pristine little couches as if he was expecting to see a doctor at any moment, but after a few minutes of sitting another door opened and they were allowed through into the next room.

Geea told him to stay put as she was led behind yet another door.

Not to be left Behind, Beatrice followed after, giving him the opportunity to slip over to the door and quickly deploy a small circular camera which used technology unknown to him to see through the door. 

It streamed directly into his fake eye as he closed the real one, and glanced around the room.

He could hear voices, and enhanced the sound of his implants.

“Did you get the assassin.”

“Yes, but there have been some, hiccups.”

“What might that be?”

“He is insisting on meeting his employers.”

The voice seemed almost bored with the idiot pirates, “Then let him meet someone, he doesn’t have to know. Jerah over there will do just fine.”

He turned his fake eye towards the source of the voice falling on some sort of hologram. He quickly looked up just as Geea was turning back towards the door.

He managed to make it up to the person’s face, a Rundi, how str-

Then he froze in shock and disbelief.

Geea reached towards the door, and it was only with a swift movement he was able to pull his camera away in time an leap from the door as she stepped from the room.

He tried to keep the horror and shock on his face in check as he was led into the room to meet his “employer.”

He didn’t care though.

He knew the truth.

There was plenty of evidence on that camera. Evidence that the chairwoman of the GA had ordered his assassination.

[nohoney]

Do It For Me -3.1

notes: Part 3 of the Us Series from my ao3

characters: Dabi/Touya Todoroki, Keigo Takami/Hawks, Tomura Shigaraki

warnings: 18+, drug use, toxic relationships, polyamory

summary:

As curious as you are, you’ve already been warned by Keigo to not even attempt to ask about it. If Keigo got mad at you for even asking in the first place, no doubt that Touya would be furious at you. And there was no way in hell you were even going to think about investigating this on your own; not only were you not equipped to even do so in the first place, you had a strong gut feeling about this situation.

Keigo had told you before you went to sleep in his bed last night, “I know it might be frustrating for you to not be in the know dove, but trust me when I say that if Touya doesn’t want you to know something, it’s for your own good.”

3.1 ✧ 3.2 ✧ 3.3

Touya tends to keep you out of the loop on certain things, wanting to be as vague as possible sometimes if you do happen to ask. Like when you asked why he bothered attending university, he simply said that it was because his mother wanted him to and that was all that you got out of it. When you tried to probe further, he had snapped at you and left to go have a smoke. At ten months in the relationship, you’ve learned that if he didn’t want to tell you something, there was no way that you could change his mind.

Only Touya tells you what you need to know or not know.

The only thing you’re really curious about is some of his background, mostly about his family and his upbringing. As far as you’ve seen and heard, he’s the oldest of his siblings—two brothers and one sister— and he doesn’t necessarily get along too well with them from what he’s passively mentioned. He seems close with his mom, you’ve heard him talk on the phone with her sometimes, but no mention of his dad. You think it’s safe to assume that his family probably doesn’t know that he deals but you won’t dare ask him, it seems like a sensitive subject.

Speaking of dealing, you slip cash into his pocket while he cooks on the stovetop and pat his backside. Touya just chuckles and nods his head towards his jacket that’s tossed onto the couch. You reach into the inner pocket and pull out a little baggy of half gram of coke, putting it into the inner pocket inside your purse. One of your friends had asked if you could drop off cash to Touya to buy off of him and you could drop it off when you go to class next time you see her. “Yumi says thanks in advance, she says that she got her other connect’s coke the other day but that it’s just not as good as yours.”

“Heh, of course it’s not. Tell her that if she cheats again then I’m going to cut her off.” Touya jokes as he stirs the pot before lowering the gas on the stove and putting the lid on top. He rolls his shoulders briefly and walks away from the kitchen to let the food in the pot simmer for a little bit. “Keep an eye out on the food, I’m going to shower really quick.”

“Sure thing.” You make yourself comfortable on the sofa and just scroll through your social media on your phone, replying to certain messages or sharing posts to friends. Keigo texts you to as if you’re going with Touya to the next house party and that if you’re not, he’s more than happy to keep you company if you want to stay in and wait for Touya to get back. You smile down at his message and just send back a simple ‘we’ll see’ with a smiling emoji. Enough time has passed where you think you should go check on the food, just stirring it to make sure the food doesn’t burn on the bottom of the pot. As you sample your boyfriend’s cooking and add just a little bit more salt to taste, someone knocks on the door.

Touya doesn’t really get visitors aside from you and Keigo so you wonder who could be at his front door.

When you peek your head out through crack as much as the chain will allow, you see a young man dressed in a hoodie with his hands in his pockets. He seems to be as surprised as you are when you answer the door, his lips thinning into a line briefly before asking, “Is Dabi here?”

“Who’s asking?” you’re cautious because you’ve never seen this guy before. He’s got a rather distinct appearance, he seems sickly with his pale skin, messy blue hair and these scary red eyes you’ve never seen on anyone else before.

“Shigaraki.” And he says nothing more.

You have half a mind to lie and say that Touya’s not here but you hear the door to the bathroom open just in time, he walks out in fresh clothes and a towel around his neck. “What are you doing there doll?”

“Uh there’s a guy here, says his name is Shigaraki. He’s looking for you.”

Touya’s eyes narrow at the name before he walks towards you, setting you to the side and undoing the chain on the door. He lets this mysterious man in and shuts the door, the atmosphere suddenly very tense. You shift your weight from one foot to the other and look to Touya expectantly. Whoever the guest is, he only gives you a brief once over before looking to your boyfriend and says, “We need to talk, just the two of us.”

“Well that works out because my girl here was just about to head to the store.” you meet his gaze as Touya turns to look at you. “I know it’s a bitch babe, but the ingredients we want are in that fancy market that’s fifteen minutes away. It shouldn’t take you longer than ten minutes to get everything though. Make sure to stop by and get gas on the way back for the car, put down a twenty and I’ll reimburse you later.”

You’ve been with Touya long enough to know when he’s talking in code. Fifteen and ten, be gone for at least twenty-five minutes, possibly an extra twenty making it forty-five in total. So you play along and collect your sweater and purse, making sure you have everything before skedaddling out the door, no goodbye kiss unfortunately. You’re pretty much kicked out for the time being and you don’t even know why. “I guess I might as well drop off the half…”

Forty-five minutes pass but Touya hasn’t given you the okay yet to return. You think that maybe you need to wait an extra while longer so you wait outside his complex just a bit longer with your phone in your hand and anticipating his text. When it gets close to an hour since you’ve left, you decide to ask first if it’s okay that you return. Your phone pings immediately with a response.

Go stay with Keigo.

And that’s all you get, no explanation or even a time when you can see him again.

So you stay with Keigo at his place, exactly like he told you to and provides a distraction for the time being. The two of you cook together, laughing over the dinner you made as he tells you about a funny joke he heard earlier, cleaning up after yourselves when the meal is all finished, and then washing up together in his bathroom. He’s such a tease as he massages body wash all over you, pressing into a sensitive spot in your back or his fingers ghosting over your clit. He works you up to the point that you beg to be fucked, whining when you’re only given a teasing smile and just a nibble to your ear. “Please Keigo, no more teasing!”

He could be such a cheeky bastard though, ignoring your pouting but still has the audacity to touch you all over. “You know the acoustics in the bathroom always sound better, don’t you think?”

“Keigo!” you whine, your arms coming up and looping just right behind his neck. His cock is getting hard, you can feel it against your leg, so you don’t know why he’s not bothering to just take you right then and there. “You’re being a dick!”

“You know why acoustics are better in the bathroom (Name)?” he asks as his hands skim over your back and ignores your whines. “I’m asking you a question.”

“How am I suppose to know?”

Keigo chuckles at you and pushes you to lean against the back wall of the shower. He takes your wrists and holds them together in one hand, pushing them above your head so that your entirely exposed to him. He grabs his cock in his free hand and teases the head of it against your click, relishing your yelp when he slaps it against your sensitive pearl. “Just a little fun fact for you, acoustics in the shower sound better because you’re surrounded by hard, smooth surfaces that bounce back to you. So while the sounds are bouncing around, your voice sounds more pronounced, it takes longer to reach your ears and sounds more enriched. Isn’t that so interesting?”

You whine petulantly at him, asking why he’s telling you this in the first place.

“I guess what I’m saying is songbird,” Keigo releases your hands and quickly turns you around to make you brace against the wall, jutting your ass out towards him with his hands set firmly on your hips. “sing me a pretty song, yeah?”

Your voice echoes as Keigo rails you on his cock and your wet skin slapping against each other sounding particularly lewd. The shower is still running with warm water and steam clouds the bathroom but you feel even warmer as you push back to meet Keigo’s thrusts. One of his hands slide up your spine, warm fingers reaching up to tangle in your hair and pull your head back. You’re choked up, voice strangling to come out with your head angled back and your fingers trying to find purchase on something to hold onto.

He’s merciless, he won’t let you catch a break. Keigo pulls you back against him, one arm around your waist to hold you close and the other at your throat. There are heavy breaths in your ear, low growls and a rough command of, “Touch yourself.” Your fingers messily rub your clit, not using any kind of technique because honestly Keigo is fucking your brains out so you are acting on instinct. Breathless whimpers fall out of your lips, barely registering when you feel soft kisses against your temple.

“Fucking cum with me songbird, hit that last note for me huh?” Keigo growls into your ear, just about ready to cum. It’s more than just your cunt that’s getting him off, he loves to hear your voice as he makes a mess of you. He just wants to listen to your voice, it appeals more to his senses during sex more than anything else. Touya gets nudes from you, Keigo gets audio recordings of you moaning. “Say you wanna cum with me, say it.”

“Wanna cum with Kei… pleas’ make me cum…” you slur, your brain fucked out and just letting yourself be used. “Kei, les’ cum together…”

Your bent over as Keigo fucks harshly into your body, lewd praises echoing inside the bathroom as you beautiful cries rip from your throat. You have one hand braced on the wall of the shower and the other on the floor, just holding on for dear life and only able to moan and cry out his name. You’re thankful for him, thankful for his kindness, his patience, and his cock. Your orgasm hits you hard to the point that you see stars in your vision, unable to hold yourself up and dropping your weight. Luckily Keigo’s got you, happy to hold you like the little fucked out rag doll you are as he finished inside you.

The shower still runs and steam still curls in the air as the two of you catch your breath. He’s still hard inside you, thrusting just a few more times to overstimulate himself a little before pulling out. Any cum that leaks out of your pussy is washed away, you want to clench to hold as much inside you as you can.

Keigo towels you off first before drying himself, lending you one of his shirts to wear and tells you to wait on his bed like a good girl.

So you wait like the good girl you are, staring at your phone and waiting to hear back from Touya.

I miss him. You think to yourself and wonder what Touya could possibly be doing. It’s late in the evening now and he hasn’t given you an update about where he is and what he’s doing. A part of you is tempted to just go back to his apartment and wait for him there but you have a feeling that he sent you to Keigo to make you stay put. He trusts Keigo more than anyone else to look after you, to keep you warm and loved when he’s away.

A movie plays on Keigo’s laptop as the two of you are curled on the bed, him being the big spoon and an arm loosely draped over your waist. You sink your cheek into the soft pillow and idly reach a hand up to touch Keigo, giggling a little when the tips of your fingers brush against his chin stubble. He kisses your hand and sets it back in place against your chest, snuggling behind you to continue watching the movie.

A question rings through your mind and you wonder if he can answer it.

“Baby bird?” Keigo looks to you when you reach out and pause the movie. “Did you need a pee break?”

You adjust your position so that you can look up at him. “Who’s Shigaraki?”

His face doesn’t betray anything, keeping it straight and just looking down at you. “How do you know that name?”

“He came by Touya’s place while I was there, he said he had something to talk about with him and then I got sent out.”

Touya must have let Keigo know something, seeing as when you arrived he already had things ready in his apartment for you by the time you arrived. Keigo brushes his thumb idly against your cheek, slowly running the pad of it back and forth on your cheekbone rather lovingly even though his face doesn’t reflect his action. “If Touya’s never mentioned Shigaraki to you after all this time then that means he doesn’t want you to know about him. He has his reasons, alright dove?”

“So you know about Shigaraki?” you ask with a curious tilt to your head. With a confirming nod you can’t help but ask still who exactly he is. “Touya never lets anyone in at his place but that Shigaraki guy was let in, but he called him Dabi so he’s not close to him like that. He looked kinda young, I’ve never seen a guy like him around campus.”

“I’m not telling you anything dove, just let it go.” There’s a hint of a warning behind his tone but you don’t heed it, talking more and asking why you can’t know. “(Name), I’m putting my foot down. Do not ask me or Touya about Shigaraki. Now drop it, do not bring this up again or you’re going to piss me off.”

Keigo’s never spoken to you in that manner so it catches you off guard. He usually speaks with such a casual lilt and is very easy going about anything and everything. It’s something of a shock to you that you almost can’t comprehend it, looking down like a scolded child and mumbling out a quiet ‘okay’. He feels bad instantly having to have to talk to you that way but he had to convey just how much you could not breach this subject. He leans down to kiss your forehead, muttering apologies and bringing you into his arms to hold you tight. “Don’t ask Touya okay, he’ll get upset if you do. C’mon, let’s keep watching the movie.”

Touya contacts you the next morning to ask if you’re still with Keigo, to which you answer yes and ask where he is. He doesn’t give a proper answer and simply tells you that he’ll return early tomorrow morning. “Touya, I didn’t even get to kiss you goodbye yesterday if I had known that you were just going to disappear on me.”

“I’ll kiss you tomorrow when I see you princess, alright? Be good for me.”

He hangs up and you just stare at the lockscreen of your phone for a few seconds before sighing and setting down your phone. Touya wasn’t one for lying, he always told the truth if not at least keep quiet about what he didn't want to talk about, but it was rare when you could get him to admit something he doesn’t want you to know. Sure it’s fine to not have to know everything about your partner but this felt… weird. Somehow it feels worse than the three other girls he still fucks every once in a while when he goes out. The whores he was honest and upfront about, whatever is going on with this Shigaraki is entirely different business.

As curious as you are, you’ve already been warned by Keigo to not even attempt to ask about it. If Keigo got mad at you for even asking in the first place, no doubt that Touya would be furious at you. And there was no way in hell you were even going to think about investigating this on your own; not only were you not equipped to even do so in the first place, you had a strong gut feeling about this situation.

Keigo had told you before you went to sleep in his bed last night, “I know it might be frustrating for you to not be in the know dove, but trust me when I say that if Touya doesn’t want you to know something, it’s for your own good.”

You believed Keigo but it didn’t really provide any comfort to you.

‘I miss you, come back soon’ You text him, it feels stupid seeing as you saw him yesterday but you hadn’t anticipated that you wouldn’t be returning to his apartment when he sent you out. Though to be fair, he probably didn’t expect it either. If there was one thing that had been made apparent while analyzing your boyfriend was his need to know about your whereabouts no matter what and ease his anxiety about who would be around you when you went out without him. Maybe that’s just how he loves you, just unrefined and not quite polished just yet.

Your phone pings a several hours later from Touya. ‘Miss you.’

━━━━✧

All you can do is just wait and sit pretty for him when he gets back.

Keigo drops you off at Touya’s the next day, parting with a lingering kiss before going on his merry way.

When you enter the apartment, you see Touya resting on the sofa along with a small rectangular sized bag on the coffee table. You're curious if it's Touya's, never seeing this kind of bag before and undo the clips and the zipper of the bag and curiously lift the top, an assortment of drugs siting inside. One of the few first you recognize is Adderall, ecstasy, cocaine, and shrooms. The pills are separated in those orange prescription bottles and the rest are in little plastic baggies. You’ve never been around whenever Touya gets a refresh of his inventory, always making you wait a day or two before he allows you back into his place. Wherever he hides it in his apartment, you’ve never once stumbled on it. Yet here it is, just out in the open and you just had to be curious and look inside. You close up the bag and fasten the clips on it before sitting on the edge of the sofa, careful to not disturb Touya.

You wonder if that Shigaraki guy is his supplier, if not at least connected to his supplier.

“If it isn’t my pretty doll…”

You jump at the sound of Touya’s voice, quickly looking behind you and catching his sleepy gaze and a lazy smile. He’s been sleepy around you plenty of times and you know what he’s like when he’s high, but there’s something different about his expression and movements this time that unsettles you. The only thing that comes to mind is that he might have tried something new and that scares you. “Baby? Are you on something?”

Touya gives you a slow nod in answer, his hand reaching out and weakly grabbing your bicep. He gives a light tug and makes you lean over towards him, soft coos of ‘my baby’, ‘pretty doll’ and ‘princess’ pass through his lips. When you ask what he’s on, he just slowly shakes his head and laughs lowly. “Can’t tell you baby, it’s not for you… Shit like this isn’t for my good girl.”

“Oh but it’s okay for you?” you ask with mild irritation. You take his hand and press your cheek into his palm, delicately holding his wrist and looking down at him with crinkled brows. “Well whatever you’re on, do I have to get the Narcan?”

“My smart doll looking out for me… you remember where it is?”

“Oh my god, Touya please don’t tell me that I actually have to be on the lookout for you in case you overdose. I don’t think that’s something I can handle.” You’re anxious now as you go into his bedroom and retrieve the Narcan from his bedside table, keeping it on hand when you go back to sit on the couch with him. Touya’s tolerance for narcotics is pretty high but on some level you still fear that something might happen. “Do I have to call Keigo?”

He answers with a lazy shake of his head, his hand idly rubbing your thigh as you look down worriedly at him. Glancing over to the case and then at you, he asks, “You look inside it?”

You’re not a bad liar by any means but Touya is a master of smelling bullshit, so there’s no point in trying to lie to lie to him in the first place even if he is high at the moment. “Yeah…”

“Anything in there you want to try?” His fingers drum against the denim jeans you wear before lifting to play with the belt loop. “If you want to try anything new, what’s the rule doll?”

“Never from someone else, only from you.”

As if you needed a reminder.

That rule was established shortly after deciding to sleep with Keigo. You were invited to a kickback with a small group of your friends who also brought some of their friends, you were all just sitting around the kitchen island and drinking, at least that’s what you thought that was all you were going to do. You got a little drunk that night and one of your girlfriends presented a sugar cube to you held carefully in between her thumb and forefinger. You didn’t think anything of it in your drunken state of mind, you were complaining earlier that night that you wanted something sweet so you thought she was just satisfying your sugar craving. After about half an hour, your vision began to distort, different colors suddenly washing over the crowd of people you were hanging out with and you asked what was happening.

It turned out that the sugar cube you ate was laced with LSD.

Your friends had tried to calm you down, telling you that you’ll ruin your come up but it was too late. “You gave me acid! I’m not ready to try acid, you should have told me!” The timeline of that night was fuzzy and you can’t remember if it was you or someone else who called Touya and Keigo, but needless to say they were angry upon arrival when they found you distraught in a corner inside the house. Even during your bad trip, you could taste Touya’s fury when he tried to find out who had given you LSD without telling you while Keigo was trying to soothe you. You were promptly taken away from the party and the boys watched over you for the remainder of your trip, staying up with you with the help of four grams of coke to help keep them alert for a little over twelve hours while keeping you quarantined inside Touya’s place.

Touya had declared not too long after that you were not allowed to take any kind of narcotic from anyone else but him from now on. When you asked the boys what had happened at the party when they showed up, both of them remained silent. The ones from the kickback who were trip sitting, they refused to answer your questions to fill in the blank of what happened that night. You suspect that Touya might have threatened them into silence but there was no definitive proof, you don’t want to recall the memory because all you remember was the anxiety, the strange distortions of shapes your mind could never produce while sober, and at one point telling Touya that you could ‘hear how hungry his couch was’.

Keigo tells you that they should have micro dosed you instead by dissolving the sugar cube into a glass of water and just had you take a sip because that’s how he had it his first time. Touya just straight up does not like it at all, he hated his first and only trip on acid. Either way you would not be ready to try it again at all anytime soon.

Never once have you had to watch over Touya while he’s high, he’s usually the one doing the watching seeing as he had a better handle on his tolerance versus you who’s experience was just a step up from novice. But you keep a careful eye on him as he drifts back to sleep, keeping a glass of water and the Narcan nearby, running your hand through his hair. The roots are growing out, white contrasting with the black hair dye you’re used to helping him do. Touya’s been talking recently about washing out the black for a while just to give himself a break. You’ve seen a few photos of Touya with his natural hair color, courtesy of Keigo, and he’s just as handsome no matter what.

You stare at him while he sleeps, a pillow propped up behind his head and his hands resting on his stomach. He still hasn’t kissed you like he promised he would yesterday on the phone, so you lean down to fulfill it for him. No response, like you expected, but at least you got to do it.

He’s sober a few hours later, though still just a bit sluggish from whatever it was he took and the bag is put away in the room but you don’t know where. Whatever food was made the day before yesterday, you see it in a container inside the fridge and the pot still sitting in the dish wrack. At least whatever dinner you were supposed to have together the other day wasn’t put to waste and Touya went through the trouble of making sure you could have it later on. So you warm up a portion of it in a small pot and just stir, barely moving as Touya comes up and hugs you from behind. His arms come around your waist and presses right up against you. “You’re not going to ask?”

“Ask about what?” you continue to stir the food in the little pot.

“About what happened the other day?” Touya brings his hands to cup just underneath your breasts and slightly sways in place, your body following along with his movements. “Not curious at all?”

You shrug your shoulders, thinking of what Keigo said the other day and his usual approach to things in life. You channel him inside you and just act cool, casual, and whatever about it. “I figured you would have explained yourself by now if you wanted me to know. You’re usually so straight forward about everything.”

Touya makes you tilt your head up to look at him with a slight nod of approval. “Good girl.”

God the way your heart flutters when he gives you praise over the simplest things… even over something suspicious like this.

You do feel the need to ask, “Is that person someone I’ll be seeing more of?”

“If things were one hundred percent in my control then you would have never caught a glimpse of him in the first place. But to answer your question, you shouldn’t be, he doesn’t ever drop in like that. He wasn’t interested in you when he came by thankfully.”

You should know better than to ask because you’ll know it’ll make Touya seethe but you do anyway, “Well what would you have done if he looked at me a certain way? Set him on fire?”

“To finish him off after a slow torture, yeah.” Touya spits through gritted teeth and reaches over you to turn off the gas to the stovetop. “The shit I’d do to some guys for fucking staring too long at you…”

You could relate, you’ve had some vivid fantasies sometimes about the side whores and just straight up eliminating them in the most violent way possible. Not just stupid hair pulling or petty name calling, you imagined inflicting blunt trauma in certain fatal areas or having them tied up in the middle of the road while you sat in the driver’s seat of Touya’s car, revving the engine and just speed down to get to them as soon as possible.

Touya probably had more imagination for what he’d do to anyone he thought was a threat but you’re not going to open that door. So you turn around in his arms and rest one hand at the nape of his neck, your fingers massaging gently and you assure him, “Hey relax, I’m yours Touya.”

“Yeah… you’re mine.” Touya sighs in what seems like relief as he leans down to hug you. “You’re my doll, no one else’s.”

You won’t bring up Keigo and the fact that you’re being shared with him, it feels like Touya needs the reassurance right now that it really is just the two of you. In these moments you realize that his insecurities are thinly unveiled, not quite put out there but just peeking out the corner and hoping to not be noticed. So you say it again and he tells you how much he likes when you say his name, that when it falls out of your pretty lips that he can’t help but want you to scream it until your voice is raw and hoarse. “Only you can call me that doll, it’s all yours.”

Not Dabi, haven’t used that name in months.

“Touya, Touya…” you whisper in between breathless kisses, gasping as you’re pulled away from the kitchen to the bedroom. Guess that food will go cold once again…

Touya’s body isn’t in top condition yet to have sex but he pulls off your bottoms when he pushes you to lie back on the bed. There have been night’s a plenty where either you serviced Touya strictly and vice versa for you, though most of the time you just loved to fuck. Fuck when you’re happy, upset, a little drunk, or bored and all that; there’s nothing like feeling close to Touya when he’s inside of you. He’s unlike any other partner you’ve had before, no one is as hypnotizing as him, you’ve never been drawn in to anyone else like Touya before.

And he’s as entranced by you, if not more.

Kisses pressed into the inside of your thighs along with playful nips and teasing licks on your sensitive skin. He knows exactly where to touch you where you’ll practically beg for him and the right words to use to make you desperate because Touya’s not afraid to hold out on you if he wants to. He likes to see you frustrated and worked up, if he wants to pull out to edge you for the rest of the night, he’ll do so and ignore your pretty cries and desperate pleas that you’ll do anything for him as long as you can cum on his cock. Most of the time he gives in because, well, he loves your pussy and he loves fucking you. But fuck when Touya decides to be sadistic, the role always suits him quite well.

Not tonight though, no delicious sadistic edging or degradation. Touya knows that he made you worry the day before so he wants to make it up to you in best way he knows how to. He wishes that he could use his dick properly right now to fuck you but his body is still trying to process the shit he took earlier so it’ll just have to be his mouth and hands for the moment to get you off.

It’s not hard to get you to cum, there have been instances where as soon as his dick sheathes into your pussy you gush on the spot. There are days like that where it’s just that easy and other days where you need it angled just the right way inside you or the right words to fire off your imagination. “Fucking love it when you squirm like this, so goddamn cute.” Touya growls as he drags the pads of his fingers against your G-spot before flicking his tongue on your clit.

Those words help but it’s not quite what will set you off.

“Say more.”

So he does, finding the right combination of words, adjectives, proper nouns, and verbs to stimulate your mind while stimulating your pussy. It’s vivid and a pretty picture, more than just a pretty picture because he describes actual memories of the steamiest and sordid encounters. The first time you fucked on the fourth floor of the library way in the very back, the day you skipped your afternoon lectures to day drink at a brewery and just made out in his car, skinny dipping at night at the local pool, and one time you sucked his cock while he was on the headset and playing games online with Keigo.

You’re just about there, heavy breaths and panting exiting from your body as your toes curl and your fingers twist the sheets in your hand.

Touya could say more about how much he loves to fuck you seven ways to Sunday, all the kinks he still hasn’t tried with you yet and is excited to try when you’re ready, that he wants you to cum all over his fucking face and lick your sensitive cunt until you can’t take it anymore. You’ve heard it before, some more than others, but it’s not those words that make you come undone before him tonight. It’s not the images of past passionate encounters and the anticipation of getting fucked by Touya that do make you cum all over his face like he wanted.

He spouts that shit frequently but tonight he says something different, something that in the back of your mind that you were probably aware of but he never voiced out loud. When the words leave his mouth and are spoken out to you, it’s a new type of intimacy and sentiment that elevates you and makes you realize how deep you’re in this with him, how deep he is in you… emotionally.

“I’d do fucking anything for you.”

Bullet one.

You choke up, it’s not that you want to cry because how moving those words were but because the revolver is loaded and he just fired the first bullet in the chamber that will undoubtedly lead you to an intense orgasm.

“Never had this with anyone else.”

Bullet two.

“I don’t want this with anyone else, believe me.”

Bullet three.

“I don’t fucking deserve you but I’ll do what it takes to keep you with me.”

Bullet four.

“It’s scares me doll but I…”

Bullet five… will he say it?

“I’d do it all for you.”

Bullet six.

The chamber is empty and the barrel of the gun wisps smoke, your back is arched as your whole body convulses with an earth shattering orgasm that you’re literally left shaking from how powerful it was. And Touya continues to speak those words from bullet one, “I’d do fucking anything for you.”

And he is, Keigo unveiled that, the whores are dwindling not by your request but by Touya’s conscious choice. He’s choosing you, slowly but surely, there will only be you if the cards are dealt right. No one has been in his bed the way you’re invited in, hasn’t held anyone else the way he does with you, and more than likely has not been this vulnerable with someone else either. He’s terrible at feelings, still gets his dick wet sometimes when he sells to his side whores, and he withholds certain secrets to keep you safe.

Should I say it?

You thought he’d say it, those deeper feelings that Keigo had accidentally unveiled, you thought he’d say ‘I love you’ tonight but this is a step closer to it. You won’t make him say it, you won’t beg for it, you’ll sit pretty and patient because Touya will come around. He may have his secrets but he releases the ones to you that are worth knowing, and you’ll get it so long as you’re good for him.

Don’t ask about the whores, it’s okay be jealous but don’t ask, don’t get into another argument. Don’t ask about where the drugs are from and if that Shigaraki guy is linked to it, he would have told you by now if he wanted you to know. Don’t ask to see another man because him and Keigo should be enough, they won’t treat you as good the way they are with you. Do whatever Touya wants of you and he’ll do it all for you in return.

[egcdeath]

secret santa

pairing: ransom drysdale x f!reader

a/n: this is so self indulgent. SO SELF INDULGENT. more self indulgent than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. before u all read this, i want u to know it was originally supposed to be about training ransom at a job, but then i realized that i nothing about 1. working at a coffee shop and 2. training an employee. also, i am the worst at writing dialogue. so i didn’t write a lot of dialogue LMAO enjoy :)

also, half of this was written at 1 am. just a warning

warnings: coffee shop au, enemies (kinda) to lovers, a lil fluff, not really angst but bitter feelings, kinda slow burn and then all the sudden a fast burn i’m sorry 😭

word count: 2.6k

You woke up to the sound of your alarm rumbling your bedside table sometime around the asscrack of dawn, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. Sometimes, you really couldn’t stand your job, but bills didn’t really pay themselves, did they? You rolled out of bed, and began your dreaded morning routine before heading out to start your opening shift at your local café.

Somewhere between warming up the espresso machine and taking out last night’s trash (which you shouldn’t have had to do in the first place), an older, yet expensive looking car pulled up to the front of the parking lot. You were a bit confused, as you’d never seen this vehicle, and it was quite clear that you weren’t exactly open yet. You watched as a tall man hopped out of the car, wearing a large peacoat and very unnecessary sunglasses. He approached the door, gave it a knock, then waited for you to come open it for him. Reluctantly, you made your way over, and in order to keep yourself safe, began to speak through the glass.

“Can I help you?” You asked in an annoyed tone, then gestured towards the piece of paper that labeled your hours on the door. There was no reason for any customer to be here this early. You looked up at the mystery man and made a rather intense eye contact with him. If this was any indicator of your crowd today, work was going to be far from pleasant.

“Yeah, I was told that I’m starting today?” He had a wicked smirk on his face, like he knew he was getting under your skin already. You hated people like him, and couldn’t believe that he could possibly be your coworker. On the bright side, he probably wouldn’t last long in the first place.

“Well, are you sure you’re here on time? I can’t see any situation where Melissa would schedule to open for your very first shift.” You commented with a furrowed brow.

“Eh, I kinda just figured I’d come in whenever. The girl in my bed was an early riser, so I thought to myself ‘Why not just come in now?’” He said casually.

“Your name?” You inquired, trying to keep your annoyance to yourself, and put on a customer service smile.

“Hugh, or Ransom,” he responded. You turned around, allowed yourself a huff and eye roll, then walked through the kitchen, and into the break room to check if he truly was a new employee, or just some random creep. Sure enough, a bright pink post-it note in very neat handwriting confirmed this man’s existence. You made your way back to the door, unlocked it, and let him in.

“Since you’re here, you should… set down the chairs,” you told him, less than entertained by his presence. You could just tell he was bad news. This Ransom guy was like the textbook definition of a red flag. He talked your ear off while you tried to get through your opening routine, some casual remarks about his last hookup, complaints about how he only got this job because his mother was a regular and good friends with your manager, and how he was threatened to get cut out of his grandfather’s will if he didn’t get employed soon, and what better way to spite your family than to mess up their daily coffees.

Eventually, a few more of your coworkers, along with your manager, Melissa, made it to the café before the morning rush began. You were sitting down at your typical barstool spot, and sipping an iced Americano when Melissa broke the news to you that you would be training the new employee. Upon hearing the news, you audibly groaned, and rubbed your forehead. There was no way that you could handle this man.

-------

During his first week, Ransom not only managed to offer (and successfully give) six customers his phone number, break two mugs, mess up more orders than even Euclid could comprehend, and spill straws a multitude of times all over the floor, but he began to flirt with you relentlessly. You had no idea why you’d become his new target of choice, when it was clear that he could have literally anyone he wanted. Maybe he liked that you were playing hard to get.

If you were being honest, you had to accept that he was handsome. And rich. And the definition of a fuckboy. And since you were being frank with yourself, you had to acknowledge that you were attracted to that ‘toxic and will treat you like shit’ kind of guy. You had a roster of ex boyfriends to prove that for you.

---

It was a pretty slow Tuesday afternoon, which meant you were sitting on your phone until a customer placed an order. Eventually, the little bell above the door chimed, and an older man came through, ordering a dark and bitter drink, then standing by the counter to wait. You began to restock lids while Ransom took care of making the drink, and once it was ready, you passed it over to the man. The man in question took a rather large sip, then promptly spat it out.

“What the fuck is this!” He roared, barely giving you time to react before he proceeded to toss the drink at you, spilling most of the hot content on your apron.

You gasped, gawking down at your scorched and ruined clothing, then up at the customer, who’d turned around with a huff and left, leaving a stream of strong language on his way out. You bit back tears at the whole fiasco, and cringed as both the steamy drink, and your salty tears stung different parts of your body. You turned to look at the barista, who had passed you along the drink, and were met with no other than the white devil himself. It seemed that all the blood had drained from his already otherwise pale face.

“Oh my god, this is all my fault,” he began remorsefully. “Let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Whatever,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair, and shoving Ransom angrily while you more or less stomped into the staff bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and frowned before bringing up your bundled apron to your face and screaming into it. Stupid fucking customers. Stupid fucking job. Stupid fucking Ransom. It’s like he came to your job just to make it hell. You were tired of cleaning up all these messes for him, and honestly, you wish he’d just quit already. The longer you worked with him, the more tempted you were to pour sugar in his gas tank, then take a club and break all the windows in the Beemer.

------

For the next month, your brain was completely elsewhere at work. Your brain was constantly going back and forth with you between finding Ransom hot and horrendous. While the pair of you finished up closing one night, you heard your coworker begin to speak to you as you placed your hand on the keys in your pocket.

“I know you hate me, Y/N. I get it. What that guy did to you was awful, and yes it was my fault, but what else have I done to hurt you?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Ignoring the man and demonizing him in your head had become almost a second nature. “I mean, I think we could’ve been good friends. Even though you seem to think I’m devil incarnate, I think you’re a pretty cool chick-“ he continued before being cut off by you.

“Why do you even care?” you burst out, “Ransom, you just don’t get it do you? You’re just.. a douchebag. I get it, you have your moments where you’re candid and open with people, but half of the time you’re talking, you’re objectifying someone. Or bragging about something you own. Don’t get me wrong, I could get past what you did to me on accident, but you seriously have to work on yourself,” the words just seemed to pour out without your control. “Goodnight, Ransom,” you said simply before leaving the café for the night.

——

Since that day, the tension between you and Ransom had evidently become more thick. Since he was finally finished training with you, you made sure to only speak to him if you absolutely needed to, and even then, you only communicated with him in brief and straightforward answers. Sure, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about, and sure, he’d apologized, but something told you that any excuse to stay away from Ransom was a good excuse.

Though he appeared to be an immoral and selfish man, he seemed genuinely sorry for all that he’d put you through. Occasionally, you’d be sitting in the break room and look up from your phone to see him watching you. When you’d make eye contact, he would look like he wanted to say something to you, but your petty ass would leave, or look back at your phone. He was bad news anyway.

Your boss quickly caught onto what was going on between the two of you, and usually, Melissa didn’t like to participate in petty drama, but your new sour mood was such a stark contrast from before, and it seemed to shift the whole mood of the café.

That afternoon, Melissa called for a team meeting a bit before closing, and suggested a family dinner along with a Secret Santa. She’d said something along the lines of ‘It’s been way too long since we’ve done a team bonding activity, and a gift exchange is perfectly fitting for the Holiday season.’ This did make you perk up, as Melissa had a great taste in restaurants, and you were always down for a good gift exchange.

Melissa then told everyone to write their names down, then put them in a decorative Santa hat. You and your coworkers obliged, then began to pass around the hat once again in order to draw a name. You really hoped to get Xavier. You had the perfect idea of something he’d love. As you drew a piece of paper from the hat, you imagined the matching pair of fluffy socks for a human and dog that you’d passed by during your last trip to Target. You began to unfold it, thinking of what color he might like the most, when you looked down and saw ‘Ransom’ drawn out in chicken scratch.

You tried your best to mask your annoyance at who you received, but on the inside, you were seething. You mentally cursed the universe out while you pulled on your coat, and grimaced to yourself once you got out to your car. How were you supposed to get this asshole a gift?

—-

The week leading up to the exchange went fairly well for you, although it was getting a bit exhausting to be so mad at Ransom all the time. You tried to be less harsh with him, considering you needed to learn more about him in order to get him a somewhat decent gift for your exchange.

He’d seem to have taken your conversation with him to heart, and began to talk less and less about other girls when he was working with you. He didn’t comment on how well your jeans fit you, and you noticed that he’d often overextend himself in order to help you with (pretty basic) daily aspects of the job. Ransom would ask you questions about yourself, and your family, and speak less about himself. If you were honest with yourself, he was becoming a better man. And the best part was, he seemed to be doing it just for you. The thought of which brought heat to your face.

—

On the night of the exchange, you threw on a hideous and scratchy Christmas sweater before picking up your neatly wrapped gift for Ransom. You truly hoped that he’d like it, even though it certainly wasn’t the most expensive item. You bid farewell to your cat, then went on your way to the restaurant. You had to admit, you were a bit late. So it should’ve been no surprise when you arrived, and found that the only seat left at the table was next to Ransom. You gave him a cordial smile before sitting down and ordering yourself a glass of Merlot.

Something about being so close to him was kind of riling you up. The strong timbre sent coming off of him was making your whole body feel slightly warmer than normal, and you tried to ignore this strange sensation while you talked and joked with your coworkers. At one point, Ransom leaned in nice and close to you, and began to speak to you.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hideous as Karmen’s sweatshirt,” he whispered right into the shell of your ear. Maybe it was the wine talking, but that simple action sent a whole chill through your body, and made you flush even harder than you’d flushed before. You let out a little giggle and nodded in agreement, looking across the table at her very ugly sweater.

“To be fair, the whole point of this was to wear something really ugly,” you turned your head back to where it was before, only to find that Ransom had somehow moved even closer to you.

“I just don’t know where you find something like that,” he commented, gazing much too deep into your eyes. You swore you felt the room shift after he began looking at you like that. There was about a 20% chance that you’d be able to keep your panties on after this kind of exchange. Luckily for you, a waitress broke the tension for you, setting down a few plates for everyone, then bidding them farewell. Damn.

The food was amazing, and didn’t last very long, meaning that it was time to pass gifts around sooner than later. You watched as Amy received a gift card from Sophie, Emily opened a plethora of chocolates gifted to her by Melissa, and Xander whiffed a candle given to him by Kennedy, then, it was your turn. You glanced around the table before you felt the arm next to you reach down, then hand you an oversized gift bag.

“I hope you like it,” Ransom said with a shy smile. You casually felt your cheeks on your way to pull out the very large item. You found it was a very large, and soft, hand knit blanket. It looked like it could’ve cost a small fortune, and you immediately found yourself embarrassed.

“Oh wow. This is perfect! Thank you so much,” you grinned over at your coworker, who seemed to be blushing himself. “Well, I guess I should probably give you this then,” you chuckled awkwardly before passing him your wrapped package. He tore it open barbarically, then began to laugh. Of all the gifts in the world, you two had gotten each other somewhat similar items. Sure, it wasn’t hand knit with the love of some grandma who ran a small business on Etsy, but it was the thought that counts.

“I love it, Y/N,” he exclaimed, looking deep into your eyes once again. He ran his fingers through the soft fabric, then set a hand on your arm. In that moment, it felt like time stopped. It was just you two, sitting in a quiet room, enjoying the presence of each other. You don’t even know what had gotten into you, but before you knew it, you felt a nose pressed up against yours, and a billion butterflies erupt out of your stomach. You heard a few grimaces from your coworkers at the sappy, Hallmark-like moment but what could you say.

Maybe Ransom was not that bad after all.

[wayward-mikaelson]

Sixth Gear

Word Count: 4287

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Marie (OG Character), Nathan (OG Character) Dylan (OG Character), Donna Ackles, Alan Ackles, Mackenzie Ackles, Joshua Ackles, Jared (Mentioned), and Misha (Mentioned).

About: Reader goes home for the holidays only to be introduced to Jensen, the star of Supernatural. The Reader and Jensen hit it off that first night where one thing leads to another until the readers Brother walks in on them about to rip each others clothes off. For the next few months the Reader and Jensen get to know each more. Then the Reader decides to go home for the Summer just to see Jensen and he shows her his motorcycle and how it all works where one thing leads to another.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Unprotected Sex (be responsible, wrap it up), Drinking, Oral Female Receiving, Mention of Drugs

DISCLAIMER: This one shot does contain a toxic parent and everything that comes with a toxic parent. That means there will be manipulation, gas lighting, emotional/psychological abuse, etc. If you live or have lived with a toxic parent and or person please read at your own discretion. 

DISCLAIMER 2: Any of the shorts that are hot and steamy, I want to put out there that it's in no way disrespectful towards Danneel at all. I love her to death and respect the crap out the marriage between her and Jensen. So when reading those shorts, know that it all takes place in an alternate world where they aren't married at all.

A/N: If you have a small request, shoot me a message. Request close 7.11.2020 at 11.59pm US central time

A/N 2: Do you want to be tagged in future fanfics posts? Comment Below!

A/N 3: This took me 3 to 4 days to write so I really hope you enjoy this hot and steamy motorcycle ride.

Requested by: @magssteenkamp​ 

Tag List: @hobby27​ @elansaidaris​ @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @squirrelnotsam​ 

*18+ CONTENT. YOUNGER THAN 18 MOVE ALONG

**DO NOT COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ANYWHERE ELSE UNLESS YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION AND IF YOU GIVE CREDIT TO ME. I WORK TOO HARD ON THESE STORIES TO HAVE MY WORK STOLEN

***PLEASE READ WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMERS BEFORE READING.

I sit in the airport thinking and wondering how I am going to make it through the weekend with my parents. My Mom is toxic as hell while my Dad is just now waking up to her toxicity after nearly thirty years of marriage. He has told me many times over this last year that he was considering on leaving her but somehow she always found out and manipulated him to stay. "Maybe I can convince him to come home with me?" I whisper to myself. I have an extra room for him. I rub my face knowing it will be a long shot to get my father out of that house.

When my flight is called for Dallas, I stand up, picking up my bag and making my way to the gate. I hate holidays that require me to come home. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I make up excuses for all the other ones just to stay away from home. I was much more happier in Portland. As I arrive at the gate, I pull out my ticket and let the lady scan it. As I walk towards the plane, I think, I still have time to turn around and just say screw it and not get on. It will most certainly make my life so much easier.

I sit in my seat and send a quick text to my Dad letting him know that I was on my way. In return he say's he's excited and that my brother Dylan was coming too. I turn my off and sit back. My brother. The black sheep of the family is finally coming home for a holiday after five years. It'll be nice to hug him again and see how he's been holding up. I smile and close my eyes. This trip is going to be amazing and entertaining.

When my eyes open, I feel the plane preparing to land. I look out the window to my right and see the Dallas airport below. No time to turn back now, I think. Should have high tailed it when I had the chance. When the plane lands I wait until it's time to gather my bag and make my way back to baggage claim. As I do, I pull out my phone and text my Dad to see if he's here. I sooner I get out of this crowed airport, the sooner I can get home and lock myself away until dinner. He texts me back saying he and Mom are circling around and will pick me up when they see me.

"Great," I say stuffing my phone away. "Her highness is here to talk down to me and talk nothing but herself."

"I don't know your situation, but you can tell her highness to go screw herself," A voice next to me says. I turn to see a man about a few years older than me and highly gorgeous pulling up a few bags. He looks oddly familiar.

I laugh. "If only that will work," I see him give a small smile before I walk off.

I walk outside of the terminal waiting to see my Dad's small grey SUV. When I do, I get this sick feeling when I see my Mom. She is the soul reason why I stay away from home and avoid her. She belittles me and makes me feel so small. She judges the way I dress and do my makes. Even thinking about it makes me even more sick.

My Dads SUV pulls up next to me. He smiles at me and I return the smile. "Hey," I say as I buckle up.

"What? No hi for your mom?" My Moms tone said it all. "I see how it is. And is that what you wore on the plane?! That's just horrendous. I would never wear that!" Oh I wish this trip was already over. "At least your brother had the decency to show up in an actual outfit. You look like you're looking for drugs."

I smile sarcastically. "That's exactly what I'm doing Mom," My Dad glares at me from the rearview mirror but, I ignore it. "There's a guy I know off of 4th. He deals the best drugs! He's the whole reason I'm here."

"YN!" Dad says my name firmly and I stop. Guess I took it too far. "How was that flight?" He asks softly.

"I slept the whole time. I'm not big on flying." I say reaching into my bag to pull out the mini bottles I hid. I take one out and shot it back as fast I can before either of my parents see.

The rest of the drive home was in silence. Which, when riding with both my parents, isn't relaxing. When we pull into the driveway of my childhood home, I am out of the car before Dad puts it in park and bolt inside.

"YN," I hear Moms voice call after me. "You're not going to let your father carry your bags in all on his own."

"Marie!" I hear Dad say before I shut the door behind me. Then its all muffled voices.

I run upstairs and into my room. I can hear the music in my brothers room already. He only has music on when he and Mom get into it. That explains why she tagged along for the ride to pick me up. I close the door and drop what bag onto the floor and flop onto the bed. I didn't have time to close my eyes when I heard knocking.

"What?" I groaned. I did not want to get up off my bed.

"We will be having company over in a few hours so makes sure you presentable." Moms voice is overly heard. Dylan's music stops.

"Who?" I hear Dylan ask.

"The Ackles," She says. "They used to watch you guys when you were little. You guys got along with their kids."

"Who?" Dylans door opens but I can't shake that the name Ackles was familiar too. "You talk like we should remember them."

"Why do I even try?" Moms voice is irritated for whatever reason that is known to her. "Just be ready in two hours. Dylan don't wear look too goth. YN, don't wear pajamas. Make it look like you guys actually love your family."

I hear her footsteps retreating when a Dylan cracked the door. "Are you decent?" He asks.

"Yeah," I sit up on my bed and rub my face. I see my older brother walk into the room. He's wearing dark skinny jeans and a black button up shirt. I have no idea why Mom wouldn't think that's not goth like. "I think your outfit looks good." I toss another mini bottle of hard liquor towards him. He, of course, catches it flawlessly.

"Oh thank God," He cracks it open and tosses it back. "I do plan on wearing this and stuff like the whole time I'm here."

"Speaking of you being here," I pull out another mini bottle and toss that one back. Sadly its my last one. "Why are you here? I mean you've seen me a few times these last few years."

"Dad," Dylan says. "He says he's finally telling Mom he's high tailing it out of her life. Has the papers all drawn up and stuff. He wanted to see if he could live with me in Arizona. I automatically said yes because I want to see the look on Moms face when she sees her money source walk out on her."

Now I wish I packed more mini bottles. "Hopefully not in front of our dinner guest," I kind of hope he does secretly.

"No," Dylan stands up. "He won't do that. He will do it after they leave most likely. Now I will let you get ready and make sure you make yourself look like the fucking Queen that you are and slay that shit. Mom hates that."

I laugh. "As long as you do it too. Then we both can slay it together. And yes I will let you use my dark eye shadow palette."

"You're the best sister ever," Dylan walks out of the room. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Crash and burn, sweetheart, crash and burn."

Two hours came and went and both Dylan and I are ready. As we walk downstairs we hear the muffled voices of our parents and our dinner guests. This feels so much like my teenage years, I think to myself as I round the corner to the kitchen and stop dead in my tracks.

There stands the attractive man from the airport. In my kitchen. In my house. He's wearing a red button up shirt with jeans and nice semi-casual shoes. I zero in on his already darkening five o'clock shadow and begin to imagine what it would like in full. He notices me too and give me a smile.

"YN, Dylan," Moms voice sounds. She really never lets Dad talk at all. "I'm sure you remember the Ackles children. Well, they aren't children anymore but, you understand what I mean."

Everyone gives a light chuckle. "I'm afraid I don't remember. I don't remember much of my childhood to be honest." I say giving handshakes to everyone. I notice my brother Dylan hesitate to give the attractive man a handshake. Then I notice his small blush. Damn, I think, it would be my luck to see the same attractive man to learn he could be gay. I guess I'll see when my brother hard core flirts with him during dinner.

"I'm Jensen," he says shaking my hand.

"YN," I say smiling and he smiles back.

I get everyones names and Mom and Dad say dinner will be ready in about an hour or so. In that moment I excuse myself to the back deck to mix myself a drink. Mom glares at me while I walk away. I also notice Dylan trying to flirt with Joshua who was equally as attractive as his brother.

Once on the back deck I take a deep breath and head to Dads bar and start mixing a drink. Then I hear the door open and close. The sound of footsteps tell me its a male.

"So, the whole telling her highness to screw herself didn't happen, I assume," Jensens voice is super smooth.

I look up from my mixing. "If you're meaning my mother, then no it didn't. In fact she accused me of buying drugs."

"Really?!" Jensens voice sounds surpised. "Wow, isn't a plane ride supposed to be comfy?"

I throw my hands up in the air. "That's why I was thinking." I make the mistake of looking as he licks his lips. I turn away quickly and grab the other mixer. "Want a drink? I'm pretty good at mixing."

"Surprise me," Jensen says soft voice as he raises an eye brow and looks me other.

For the next half hour we talk. We talk about random things. We talk about his time on his hit shower Supernatural. A show for some reason I have never seen and now am very interested in. We talk about his life in between shooting his show and being home. I share that I am rarely ever home due to Mom. I don't go into details but I think he get's the gist of it.

"So, I have this huge vinyl collection. Passed down to me from my grandfather before he died." I say mixing another drink. I am slowly starting to feel the effects of this drink. Jensen is still working on his first glass. Such class that is getting horny. "Would you like to see it?"

Jensen smiles and sets his drink down to follow me inside. Dad looks up from listening to Jensen's dad. "What are you two up to?" He asks.

"I'm going to show Jensen grandpas vinyl collection he gave me." We waltz pass them and up the stairs. At the top I loose my balance and fall back into Jensen who grabs me with both his arms.

"One two many drinks?" He asks chucking.

"I promise I can handle my drinking," I begin to walk again. Once in my room I go to my closet and pull out a few boxes and open them. "My Dad was or is still going to be sending these to me but, have a look at them all you want. I don't have them organized."

Jensen looks at the records and with each one he finds that excites him, it excites me in places I never thought to be excited in again. I watch as his smile takes up his whole face and how his eyes crinkle when that happens. I guess I'm staring too long because Jensen looks up a few times with his eyes. I know I should I look away but I honestly can't. This man is just too handsome and sexy to just look away.

Jensen sets down a Sinatra record and comes over to sit next to me on the bed. I am very aware now of how close he is but I still can't stop staring. I rack him over with my eyes and take a deep breath and exhale. I look away and take a huge drink. Nope, no tonight, not in this house, I think to myself. Mom will find out and she will have my ass for having sex yet again in her house. l turn to apologize for staring when I feel his hand on my face pulling it in towards him.

His lips are soft. His lips are eager. His lips move around mine like they were made to be there. I sigh and part my lips and I feel his tongue shot right into my mouth and explore every part it. When he starts to pull back, I nip his bottom lip. Jensen sucks in a deep breath and within seconds he has me straddling his lap. The two of us trying to get our shirts off when my door opens.

"YN, Mom says dinner is,..." Dylan's voice snaps the both of us out of whatever trance we are in. "Well, I see that you skipped right on to dessert. Please continue." I look over to see Dylan checking Jensen out leaning on the door frame licking his lips.

"Don't you know how to knock?" I hiss at him fumbling to fix my shirt.

"Don't you know how to put a sock on the door?" Dylan asks smirking, still checking Jensen out.

Dinner was good. I couldn't keep my eyes from glancing at Jensen as he talked about his show and his co stars. Mom was just over the moon and always ask questions that were like "Oh Jared this" or "Oh Misha that." I will need to look those guys up too.  I could also tell that Jensen was getting uncomfortable. So I brought the attention to myself which of course Mom hated. Her death glare let me know it too. Dinner ended on a high note though.

"Here, put your number in and I'll do the same," Jensen held out his phone. "That way we can talk while I'm shooting." I take his phone and give him mine. We put our numbers in and say goodnight and goodbye. Hopefully, I think, I get to see him again.

The rest of my time home actually went to hell. The next morning we wake up to Mom screaming at Dad. He had given her the papers and told her she either had to sign now or sign in front of lawyers. Mom tries everything in the book but Dad stood his ground. In the end, Mom storms out screaming and calling Dad all sorts of names and saying she has nothing to her name and that he can't just up and leave her. Says that he can't live life without her because he is nothing without her.

After Mom left, I changed my flight to leave before Thanksgiving. I wanted nothing to do with what was going to go down. According Dad, Dylan already has space for him set up in Arizona. I felt better about him having a place. Two days before leaving, I pack up what I else I wanted to take to Portland with me. Everything else would be put into storage for later or donated. Dylan helped me ship them off.

The day before I left, Mom tries to talk to me but I told her she did it to herself all these years. The manipulation. The gas lighting. The mental abuse. The emotional abuse. The whole deal. It was all her that lead to this. She huffed and called me a bitch and that I am no better than Dad. So by the time I make it home, I am a wreck.

Over the next few months, I bury myself in my work and ignoring Mom. Dad on the other hand was doing much better. Already got a job out in Arizona and is saving up to get a small apartment. Dylan tells me he's the happiest and most easy going person without Mom. Mom on the other hand still refuses to sign the papers and has gotten cocky lawyers involved. She wants him to alimony and when he dies she wants me to continue to pay it. I said hell no. Dad stood his ground until the very bitter end.

While that was all going on and when it was finally over, I spoke non stop to Jensen. I even caught up to the current season of his show and tell him what I think of it all. We talk about anything that will keep us texting or talking all into the hours of the night. Neither of us mention that night in my room. Dylan thinks I'm falling for him with how much I talk about him. I doubt it but then again I might be.

Jensen, has been the only person to make me feel like I am not crazy. He has called me or facetimed me to help me through the rough days or the out the blue panic attacks. His entire existence keeps me from doing anything stupid. So, yeah, you can say that I'm falling head over heels hard for him.

By the time summer started to come around I am sitting in my apartment trying to get my AC to work when my phone rings. I answer without looking at the caller ID.

"Whats up?" I even hear the irritation in my voice.

"Hey," Jensens voice instantly calms me. "Everything okay?"

"No," I groan and flop onto the cold tile in my small kitchen. "My AC broke and the landlord won't have anyone out until next week. I told him he won't see rent until it's fixed. Now he's threatening to evict me if I don't pay. But it's so damn hot that I'm practically naked right now."

"I'd love to see that," Jensen teases, making me laugh. "I'm sorry your AC is jacked up. Do you have plans on visiting Dallas?"

I sit up on my elbow. "Should I?"

Four days later Jensen is picking me up from the airport in a rental car. He paid for my entire flight and AirBnB taken care of. "I thought you would like to have control of what your AC temperature should be. Hotels normally run super cold to the point that Misha has tried spooning with me." I laugh. "I do hope it isn't weird that I am also staying that AirBnB."

"None at all," I say feeling my face warm up a bit. It didn't take Jensen long to convince me to come. I really wanted to see him and I really wanted AC.

When we get to the AirBnB, I can't help stare at it in awe. It's almost like a mansion. Then the garage door opens and there sits a motorcycle. I am much more interested in this Jensen guy. I get out to grab my things but Jensen shoos me aside saying he's got it all. I then walk on over to the motorcycle and trail my hand on it.

"Isn't she a beauty?" Jensen asks. I look and he's staring at me, well, more like slowly running his eyes over my body.

"Yeah," I answer looking back at the motorcycle. "My Dad used to have one when we were little. My Mom forced him sell it for whatever reason."

Jensen takes in a deep breath and walks by me. "I can take you around the block if you want." I am suddenly aware of his closeness. I feel my face burn hotter and I get all tingly down south. I look at Jensen and he's already holding two helmets. I smile and take a helmet and strap it on.

In minutes, I am sitting with my arms wrapped around Jensen. He's backing out of the garage and with a small rev of the motorcycle, we took off. It isn't too fast or too slow. But I still tightened my arms around him and closed my eyes. I have been on a motorcycle a few times but, I still get a knot in my stomach.

When we get back, I take my helmet off and take a deep breath. "That was fun," I say as Jensen manages to slide of the motorcycle. He takes his helmet off as well and I can't help but stare at his sweaty hair. That's when I notice he's been growing out his beard. I can't imagine what it would feel like on my skin. Again, I must be staring to hard or to long because Jensen smiles like he knows what I am thinking.

I swing my legs to the side as he walks towards me. As he reaches for my face I drop the helmet and grab hold of his shirt and pull him closer to me. The moment our lips met, my brain starts to set off firecrackers. It felt like a freaking life time since the last time we kissed.

Jensens hands run down my front to the hem of my shirt. I raise my arms up and he slowly slides off. I do the same to him. I've seen him shirtless a few times on his show and internet pictures but seeing it all in real life, damn! I bite my lips and Jensen licks his lips. I slide off the motorcycle and shimmy out of my shorts and underwear. Jensen watches with lust in his eyes and does the same thing. Jensen grabs my hips and sits me back on the motorcycle as he kisses me deeply. The longer he isn't inside me, I more wet and tingly I become.

As if reading my mind, and without breaking his lips off mine, I feel Jensens fingers slide between my folds and begins to rub it before slipping  two fingers inside. I suck in a deep, sharp breath and let out a soft moan. He starts to pull in and out and twist his finger around softly but firmly. In seconds, I am starting to tighten up around his fingers when he pulls them out. I whimper at the lose of contact.

"Not yet," he says against my lips.

Jensen grabs my hips and picks me up. I wrap my legs around him as he slides himself onto the motorcycle. This is going to be interesting and fun. Jensen adjusts us so that we both were somewhat comfortable before lifting me up and positioning me just above his length. I place my hands on his shoulders as he lowers me on him. I close my eyes and drop my head. I hear a low groan come from him as he's fully inside of me. I look up and see him staring right at me.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he says and I smile. His hands grip tight on my hips. They will most likely leave a mark and I am fine with that. He lifts me up and slams me back down. A yelp escaping my mouth.

We repeat that for what I think is nearly a half hour. I am a whimpering mess and trying to hold back my louder moans. Jensen is grunting and the lifting up and down thing, well, thats starting to get irregular and sloppy. Our breathing is getting ragged and the the leather from the seat is start to rub on both our skins. One slam. Two slams. Three slams. I feel myself tighten harder around Jensen. My fingers dig into his shoulders, also going to leave marks. After one more slam into his lap, we both come undone. His arms wrap around me and I drag my nails down his back.

Once our orgasm fade away, I push back and look Jensen in the eyes. "That has got to be the best sex I have ever had," I plant a small and gentle kiss on his lips.

"Good," Jensen smirks. "I got some more ideas for the bedroom later." He must of seen the look on my face, because I am seriously intrigued now. "But first," He slides both of us off the motorcycle. "We should clean up. We have dinner with Jared and his wife."

[antoxsmith]

Toxic (Part 1)

Warnings - Drama, Heartbreak

Pairings - Negan x Reader

Summary -   Negan is as possessive as could be and she thought she was ready to let him go. She was wrong.

NEGAN MASTERLIST

I am in AO3 as @antoxsmith:)

Also angry Negan is daddiest.

What do you call a man that would kill another guy out of jealousness?

Toxic.

What do you do when you’ve come too deep and you don’t know how to stop him?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Or at least, she thought so. She had tried to talk to him, leave him, cry, even compared the situation with her killing one of his wives.

But did he care?

Of course not. Negan was not one of those men who cared.

First it was Liam, the cute boy about her age that had a crush on her since he heard her play the guitar. But he never tried anything more than a friendship. At least for Negan, that as enough to send him to a suicide mission out in the woods. Three men died that night and Liam was the only one that didn’t do anything wrong.

She exploded that time, but Negan said it wasn’t intentional, that the group just needed someone to be in charge. And she believed him as the fool she was.

Then, it was Louis. He was a little bit older but not as much as Negan. Louis was a straight-up flirt, with those lovely blue eyes he had, he could’ve made her melt; but she was way too much into Negan to even notice. Then, one night he disappeared. She found out he was sent to one of the other communities and not long later, news came about his passing mysteriously.

“What the fuck, Negan?” were the words she said when she walked into his office, leaving a letter with a punch on the desk. It had been written by Louis, and it said that he was ‘scared for his life’ and that ‘he saw a man following him all over the compound’, sent just days before he was killed.

“Why do you care so much?” he asked, his hands over his chest with his fingers intertwined, only looking at the letter for a half a second before realizing what it was. He looked up at her as if he was trying to read her thoughts, and of course, with jealousness.

“Don’t change the subject!” she raised her voice. “Was this you?” she asked without leaving his eyes, still leaning over the desk.

Negan just sighed slowly and held his gaze on hers. “Why…” he stood up. “… do you care…” he walked around the desk without leaving her eyes, closing the distance between them. “… so much!?” he raised his voice at the end making her flinch.

“He was my friend” she said now looking down, his voice reminding her who she was talking to. She couldn’t stand up to him, not yet.

Negan kept looking at her with a serious gaze, but after a second he smiled cockily as always. His left hand went up to her chin and made her look at him. “Do I need to remind you who is in charge here, honey?” he asked softly, tilting his head.

She swallowed hard, with fear. She just moved her head no.

“That’s so good, really good” he said without letting go of her skin. “Now, sweet cheeks, I am going to answer your question even though I shouldn’t have to” he said before being quiet a few seconds, his tongue playing with his front teeth seductively. “I didn’t do it” he said, then let go of her chin, a dark look in his eyes as he invaded her personal space.

The next time there was no way he could deny it. She heard him. She heard him telling Simon to ‘kill that mother fucker in his sleep’, and that was how she found her friend Javaad dead the next morning. She didn’t say anything. About it or… to him. She literally didn’t talk to him for days. Then she went out on a run with Simon trying to avoid him, but…

“Why are you stopping? We have to take advantage of the light!” she said, coming from the back of the RV and leaving the guns she was cleaning.

“Negan said he didn’t give you no permission to go out” Simon said simply as he turned around the RV going back to the sanctuary.

“What? No! Wait, we have to go there I know there’s something in that gas station!” She said feeling anxious not wanting to go back to Negan.

“I am going. Later” he said, only looking at her for a second before turning back to the road. “You shouldn’t try to run from him,” Simon advised.

And yeah, she shouldn’t have tried.

As soon as she had arrived at The Sanctuary, Negan had called her into his office. When she entered the room, Sherry was there and Negan was kissing her neck.

She looked down to the ground when she saw that little scene, and coughed trying to get his attention. He looked up, but didn’t stop till he wanted to, his lips on Sherry’s skin for some more time. Then sent Sherry away after whispering something to her.

“Close the door.” was the only thing he said. She obeyed.

He was sitting there with Lucille right in front of him on the desk. She just stayed there then, standing like a fearful idiot that couldn’t even look at him in the eye.

“What the fuck is it about you that you are trying to drive me nuts?” he asked like he was so full of her shit.

“Me?” she asked confused and angry, looking up to him. “You are the one killing everyone close to me” she said with sad eyes.

“I am no-“

“I heard you the other night when you sent them to kill Javaad.” She stopped his lie. “Don’t deny it, please.”

Negan looked angrier now. He moved one finger signaling for her to come closer. And again, she obeyed. She walked around the desk and stopped next to him, looking down to the floor with sadness.

“He was trying to get with you.” was his only justification. She felt her blood boiling in angriness. “Just as Louis and Liam.” He said looking at her.

“What!?” she asked when she heard that. “But you said you didn’t!” she yelled, disappointed. Negan furrowed his eyebrows and stood up, rising in front of her and making her feel little.

“What was that again?” he asked with his hand on his earlobe in a sarcastic move. “Thought I heard you yell something” he said sarcastically.

She put her hands over her face. “Why would you do this to me?”

“To you!?” he raised his voice. “Well fuckity fuck I was right. Those fuckers were too important if it hurt you so bad” he raised his eyebrows.

“What?” she asked truly confused. “What the fuck, Negan?” she raised her voice too, looking up to him. That was the first time she ever talked back to him like that and he looked truly surprised. “I didn’t do anything with them and I wouldn’t because… because…!” she couldn’t say it. She moved her head no and ran her fingers through her hair, turning around.

“Because?” he asked with his sarcastic tone, leaning on the desk, as if he didn’t care but oh, he did. She had never yelled at him like that and it concerned him, but he couldn’t understand why she was so angry.

She turned to see him; her eyes full of tears. “I want out.” She finally said, her hands in fists trying not to lose it. She felt as if she was responsible for her three dead friends.

“You want- What!?” he asked as if he was afraid of something. But she didn’t even notice. She was already walking towards the door.

Negan was way faster. He put his much larger hand over the door right in front of her face making her close it strongly, and turned her around by holding her forearm with far more strength than he intended to.

“You can’t” he said leaning in towards her.

She looked at him with a comical look. “Where is the ‘you are free to go anytime you want’?” she raised one eyebrow as she cleaned up her tears. He didn’t answer and with that silence, she tried to open the door again but he didn’t let her.

“What the fuck Negan!?” she asked now getting anxious.

“You are not going anywhere,” he said in a calm tone that only did hide a tremendous amount of angriness. And she could see it in his eyes.

“I said I want o- “

She shut up when he hit the door behind her with his fist, getting scared.

“There’s no ‘out’ of this!” he snapped.

“Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with you right now but- “

“You did this! You can’t blame me over it!”

She opened her mouth when she heard that, truly surprised. “I didn’t d- “

“That fucking Louis was always trying to get into your panties and you played the fool! Am I supposed to let that slip!?”

“Wha- “

“And then Jawad or whatever the fuck is his name gave you flowers right in front of everyone in the garden!” he claimed as if he was in his right. “Fuck!” he screamed this time, hitting the door again and now truly scaring her to the point she covered her head thinking he would hit her. That was when he snapped back to reality. “No, no, sweet cheeks I wasn’t…” he put one of his hands over hers making her gasp and flinch.

“Please just let me out. We can talk later.” She said as if she was a robot.

He sighed softly, then nodded. “Go” he simply said, turning around, almost embarrassed even though she was too scared to notice. She quickly ran out of there and went to her room. “What the hell was that?” she asked to herself once there, her chest going quickly up and down. She was genuinely scared, confused, surprised and weirdly excited. Negan had never acted like that with her.

Maybe it was solely because she knew… things. Maybe it was because he had confessed to her a lot of shit about his past. Maybe he was just… as confused as she was.

“What the fuck?” he asked to himself once alone in his office.

But the fact that she left him with his thoughts was not a good thing. He started convincing himself that nothing about her was that special. And in the end, he was sure about it. So, the next day, when he called her into his office again, it wasn’t for what you could call an explanation.

“Come here” he simply said, patting his lap, after looking at her standing in front of the desk for what felt like an eternity in complete, dead silence.

She looked confused but she moved, looking at his eyes as she did. Once she was next to him, she stopped and sighed.

“Negan, I don’t think I- “

“I didn’t ask.” He cut her off in a serious tone.

She bit the inside of her mouth and obeyed. Softly, she sat on his lap trying not to feel like a toy. Before, she used to like it a lot; for him to tell her what to do. She thought it was sexy somehow. But in these circumstances?

He put his arms on her hips, the difference of sizes very obvious.

She looked up to him, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“What?” he asked.

“I don’t know” she shrugged as if she was a kid.

He caressed her thighs softly still looking into her eyes as if he was trying to read something in them. “Are you leaving?”

She looked confused. “I… guess so” she nodded, looking as if she was dying for him to just say something else, to not let her go. She looked down then, playing with his jacket’s zipper. He didn’t look surprised.

“Then there’s a spot for you in The Hilltop.” He simply answered. “We will need your room clean by tomorrow morning. There’s someone else coming for your spot” he didn’t remove the hands on her hips.

“My spot’?” she asked confused. “I-I thought- “

“Yeah. There’s not another room available for her and since you are so eager to go then it’s what you would call perfect timing, doll” he explained as if he didn’t care.

She felt her heart break right there.

“Just like that?” she asked, her voice breaking.

“Yes” he said coldly but his looks said otherwise, still studying her face.

“So, all of this…” she stood up not caring about his hands trying to pull her down again, and forced her way up. “For nothing?” she asked, eyes now full of tears.

“All of what?” he asked oblivious looking up to her from his seat, raising one of his eyebrows.

She just moved her head no. “Just- Just… Just get away from me” she said and ran out of the room not wanting for him to see her cry.

He stayed there, looking at the door and suddenly, he felt like he hadn’t in years.

Like shit.

Part 2 HERE

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Meant To Be: Part 1

Pairings: Machine Gun Kelly x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, drug use, descriptions of an overdose

Word Count: 2876

A/N: Y’all can thank @wings-of-a-raven for this one....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘I wish that I loved you

Or that I cared

Or that I'd even give a damn if you were here

But you're gone so it's fuck you

I'm a player

I am everything that you wanted but you're scared’

Smoke curled in slow wisps in front of your face from the joint between your fingertips as you sat on the patio of your empty apartment and listened to that song on repeat. Each syllable cut you deep the first hundred times you listened to it but after a few hours, it barely phased you anymore. You knew you were only torturing yourself by listening to the song he wrote and dropped about your relationship, titled, ‘The Break Up’ but you couldn’t help yourself at the same time. A small, squeaked, cry from behind you made you turn around to look at the innocent and thankfully perfect two month old baby boy in his car seat, waiting with you for your Uber driver for your ride to the airport. You put out the last bit of the joint and left it for someone else to find and grab your cell phone from the rail of the screen.

“You ready to go, baby boy?” You cooed to your son as you shoved your phone in your back pocket and grabbed your diaper bag. “Ready to get the fuck out of this hell hole and far, far away from your shitty Daddy, hmm?” You received a small squeak in response as Gage  Michael Baker stirred in his sleep when you picked up his car seat. With one final glance around the bare apartment, you pulled up the handle of your carry on at the same moment your phone let you know your ride was there.

“You’re (Y/N), right?” A woman about your age asked as you headed down the stairs carefully. You nodded your head as she quickly stepped forward and took your bag from your hand. “Two stops? A house and the airport.”

“Just have to drop something off to an old friend.” You said as you set your diaper bag on the floorboard of the back seat and grabbed the seatbelt to strap Gage in.

“He’s beautiful.” The driver said as you got in the car behind her and put on your seatbelt. You couldn’t help but smirk at her.

“Grew him all by myself.” She pulled away from your old home with a giggle and started to tell you about her daughter and you took one last glance out the back window at the place you had lived in for the last ten years of your life. The home that you met him in… the home where your entire life changed countless amounts of times in different ways…

“Stop number one.” The woman said with a smile before you knew it as she pulled up in front of his house; a house you hadn’t been in in a long time. You grabbed a Ziplock bag filled with 10 dollars in nickels from your diaper bag and unbuckled the car seat.

“I’ll only be a minute.” You sighed as you got out of the car. You made sure to drop the blanket over the front of the seat so that he wouldn’t see his son, and weaved through the cars in the driveway toward the house. You heard the whispers start the second you walked through the door, but you forced yourself to keep your head held high despite the fact that you were absolutely mortified thanks to the stupid newest single he had wrote. You found him easily, surrounded by women and in the middle of a cloud of smoke, always the center of attention. You kept your steady pace and set the car seat down behind the couch as you ripped open the bag with your teeth. You dumped the entire contents on his head, which made him leap to his feet and yelp in pain.

“What the fuck!?” Colson roared as he turned around to look at you as you dropped the Ziplock and picked up the carseat.

“Pay back…” You said evenly as you searched his blue eyes and forced yourself to keep your heart and tears in check. “From the nickel thot.” You could see his stomach drop when he saw the car seat in your hand, but you turned and walked away before he could even come up with the words to say. You heard Dre, who had introduced you to the ‘great MGK’ in the first place, ‘ooo’ behind your back, but you didn’t turn around to look at him. Hell, he’d turned his back on you when you fucked up, too, so what was the point of pretending you were still friends, right?

“(Y/N)!” Colson shouted as you walked down the steps and headed down the driveway toward your Uber. “Hey, hold up! Wait, talk to me!” You shook your head as you slid into the back of the car and set the carseat down beside you.

“You can go to the airport now.” You said as you locked the back door with tears in your eyes. She looked back at you and then over at Kels as he pulled on the door handle and knocked on the window to get your attention.

“Are you sure? I mean he looks like he wants to talk…”

“I’m sure.” You said as you buckled the seatbelt for the carseat and looked up at her with a small, teary nod. “Please go. Please.” With a nod of her head, she put her car in drive and inched away from the curb while your ex started to knock harder and faster on the window to get your attention. Colson shouted your name louder, and took off at a run to get around to the other side, but your driver put her foot down on the gas and left him chasing after the car.

“You’re doing the right thing.” She said after a few moments as your phone started to vibrate in your back pocket. She glanced up at you as you hit ignore and turned your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ before dropping it in the diaper bag. “Leaving someone you care about if it’s for the best? It’s not easy…”

“Yea, he walked away from me exactly one year ago.” You said as you swiped at your tears and pulled the blanket off Gage’s car seat so you could see his cherub face that always made you smile. “He didn’t care then and he made damn sure I knew he still doesn’t care now. But I agree, it’s still not easy.”

——

You knew the second you pushed the plunger in, you had made a grave mistake. Your heavily tattooed arm fell to your side and you felt the all to familiar ‘crunch’ in your chest that heroin always gave you but it was too much. It was way to much. You took as deep of breath as you possibly could as your eyes landed on the counter in front of you but you weren’t really seeing it through your constricted pupils.

‘I fucked up.’ You thought for a half second as you tried to get more air, but it wasn’t working. Each breath burned in your chest. But for a few moments, you finally felt free- free of the bullshit, and the pain. Free of the fears and the voices that plagued your mind. Free of the hate and the drama that seemed to surround you every moment of the day… it was so peaceful.

As your breathing got more and more shallow, and your mind started to shut down, you realized you wanted to live in that moment forever. To die in that blanket of safety the heroin gave you but that wasn’t the plan…

“(Y/N)?” Your mom, Marie said for the third time, snapping you out of your own memory. “Are you obsessing about that song again?”

“No.” You sighed as you looked down at your son, who had long since fallen asleep on your chest after his meal. “Just… thinking.” She nodded her head slowly and sat down on the opposite end of the L-shaped couch so that her two dogs still had all the room they wanted between you. She put her feet up on the coffee table for a break from unpacking her groceries, and looked over at you with a sigh.

“Did you at least tell him?”

“He got the message.” You said as you picked up your cellphone and hit the side button to illuminate the screen. “Two hundred and thirteen texts and forty-nine missed calls since I left last night.” You nodded your head and turned off the screen again so that your phone went back into Do Not Disturb mode. “Yea, he got the message.”

“Serves him right.” She said with a single nod. “He’s a piece of bull poo.”

“Oh, such a potty mouth.” You teased as you brushed your fingertips down Gage’s back. Your mother, who was raised Catholic and never swore, rolled her eyes at you.

“Well, I’m glad you finally came home. You didn’t need to be out in California any longer than you already have been. It’s just so toxic…”

“Hence the reason I left California.” You interrupted before she could go on her ‘anti-California’ spiel yet again. “I came back home to you, covered in tattoos, recovering from a heroin addiction, and as a single mother that almost killed her son…”

“I’m gunna make dinner.” Marie said quickly as she jumped to her feet because she despised talking about your life on the west coast. “Spaghetti sounds good, right?”

“Sounds great, mama.” You placated with a nod as you got up to lay your son down in his pack and play so you could go out on the back porch and smoke a cigarette. “Sounds just great.”

——

“You should take her to court, man.” JP said as he sat across from Colson on the bus on their way to their first city for their latest tour. Kels barely shook his head as he slowly spun a large blunt between his fingers, while his friends continued to toss out ideas.

“It is your kid, yo.” Ace chimed in as he rolled a second blunt since Kels had been holding on to the one he rolled for the past ten minutes without even moving to pick up a lighter. “You got rights.”

“It’s kidnapping, bro. Simple as that.” Baze added as Dre walked out of the small bus bathroom.

“So what, you guys gunnin’ ta put his baby mama in jail?” He asked as he sat down beside the artist. “Shit’s fucked up.”

“She took off with his kid! And she’s a fucking gutter trash junkie. Kid’s better off without her…”

“Can y’all just shut the fuck up about it?” MGK asked as he stood up quickly and stepped around the already cluttered table. “Fuck, man. All you do is fuckin’ talk.” With an aggravated huff, he snatched his phone, his lighter, and his pack of cigarettes off the table and headed to the back of the bus for a little alone time. “Out.” He barked at Slim and the girl on his lap. He flopped down on the couch and unlocked the screen for what felt like the millionth time that day alone.

“Fucking crazy ass bitch.” He grumbled as he pulled up his Instagram and hit the search button at the bottom. His thumb danced across the screen to spell out your name as he finally lit the joint with his other hand. He clicked on your screen name, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see anything since he had long since unfollowed you and your personal page was private, but he was still able to see your profile photo.

There was no doubt in his mind that the little boy that was smiling at the camera beside you was his. He had the same bright blue eyes, same sharp jaw line, same slightly squared off face, and the same nose. Shit, he had your smile though, the same smile that Kels wished would stop haunting his dreams. No matter how many times he had said he was over you, he wasn’t. But he knew what being with you meant- the insanity and chaos. The fights and the fucking mind blowing make up sex. But he couldn’t get the sight of you on his bathroom floor out of his mind. And putting two and two together to realize that you were pregnant that night?

He exhaled sharply and sat up as he switched from Instagram to the one app you wouldn’t have thought to block him on. He had to wrack his brain for his account password and he took a deep breath when it finally loaded on his phone. He looked at your screen name for only a moment before clicking the call button to see if, after two weeks of ignoring his calls, texts, and emails, you would finally answer.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” You snapped when you actually answered the call, looking half asleep but still gorgeous in a pitch black room. “Will you give it the fuck up already? Thought you didn’t fucking care…”

“He’s mine, ain’t he?” 

“Fuck’s it to ya anyways?” You barked as you sat up in bed. “You don’t care, remember? Wrote a whole fucking song about it and blasted it so the whole fucking world could hear how fucking crazy I am and how the only thing you fucking appreciated was my ability to fucking blow you.”

“(Y/N), that’s just…”

“That’s just what, Colson?” You interrupted with a shake of your head. “Just a song? Sorry, boo. You made your fucking bed and with some other fucking bitch in it, too. Didn’t even wait a fucking day…”

“I had a fucking tour.” He tried to counter as he shot forward on the couch in aggravation. “And I wasn’t with some bitch…”

“Bitch… bitches… it’s all the fucking same.” You huffed and shook your head. “So, I’m gunna hang up now because unlike you, I can never get high enough to deal with you…”

“Babe, wait.” He said quickly as he shifted in his seat, anxiously. “Stop, let’s just fucking talk about it…”

“I’m sick of this shit, Kels.” You sighed as you got out of bed. “I wanted to talk about it for six months. Six fucking months I called you and texted you and emailed you but you just called me crazy and dragged me through the fucking dirt. And you know what really fucking gets me?” He hummed as you turned on a small lamp wherever you were. “At the end of the day, you’re getting everything you wanted from that song because of it and you’re still bitchin’. No calls, no stories told about you, not even your name on your son’s birth certificate.” He choked on air as you maliciously flipped the camera around so he got to see his sleeping baby boy for the first and last time. “So good bye, Colson. Just let me go already because you will never see my little boy again.”

“Don’t!” He shouted before the video call ended. He scrambled to call back but by the time he hit the button, you had already blocked him on the video call app. “Fucking bitch!” He roared as he threw his phone against the bus wall, shattering it to pieces. His fist followed a half dozen times in rapid secession before he flopped back down on the couch, momentarily defeated.

“You good, dog?” Dre asked as Kels ran his hands through his hair.

“That fucking cunt, man.” He muttered with a shake of his head as he sat up and grabbed the joint he hadn’t realized he had dropped and forgotten on the floor. “Fuck her.” Dre sighed and stepped into the room with a small notebook in his hand.

“I know you don’t wanna fucking hear it.” He said as he flipped open to a page in the middle and held the notebook out toward his friend. “But look at the list, bro.” Kels glanced over at his friend as he took a long pull off the blunt before trading it for the notebook. “You’ve been lost without that bitch.” Without another word, Dre walked out of the back room as Colson’s eyes slowly slid down the list of his songs that were written about and for you in the last four years you had been off and on.

“Fuck…” He groaned as he fell back against the back of the couch; hating himself for loving you and hating that he still really cared about you. He hated that he dropped that song, and that he even wrote it in the first place in a Hennessy fueled rage. But most of all, he hated himself for pushing you away when you needed him the most when you had stayed by his side through so much worse than an overdose. “Yo, someone get me a fucking phone!” He yelled out as he got up from the back couch, determined to at least try to work shit out with you.

Part 2

[antpernas]

11/18/20

im considering starting to write these using like proper grammar, language conventions, and punctuation so im gonna try that out for this one and see how i feel

So, today was alright! I had left the grindr dude’s house around 2 AM (his name was Nate), and started my drive back to Florida. The only eventful thing I can say about this portion of the day is that I got off the highway three separate times to try and get some food and each time every single fucking fast food place was closed, so I just said fuck it. I drove until about 5:30 AM I think, as soon as I crossed the state line I stopped at the first rest stop and took a nap.

I woke up around 7 AM, I think, and hopped back on the road. I stopped for gas in Orlando, and called some of my friends on the way back home. I was considering pulling over to get food or something, but in the end I just took a straight shot to my house! I got all my stuff out of my car and then I went to Publix to get a sub, the best comfort food.

After that, I showered, started unpacking, ate, messaged and facetimed some friends, and ironically started chatting with a guy I first spoke to a year or so ago, and we’re hitting it off! I’m not sure I have the energy to drive for a man again (he lives in Orlando), but he does seem super sweet, so if this continues to go well we’ll see!

I ended up taking a nap and waking up after my parents got home. I didn’t really do much other than be on my phone after that, I was just low energy and didn’t want to do anything. I messaged some friends, chatted more with the dude from Orlando, played piano for justttt a little bit, and then did my music homework. It’s now 5 AM and I’m still not asleep because I’ve been to lazy to get up and brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. I have been messaging a bunch of people just to chat though so that’s nice! But anyway, that’s that on that. I’m gonna finally get off of my ass and go get ready to sleep!

Be safe, I love you and good night!

EDIT: Adding some more of the specific things that pissed me off just to make sure I don’t forget them if I ever want to rant about this again;

- On day two I washed my hands (note: whenever I wash my hands my hands get super cold unless the water is scalding fucking hot), and for shits and giggles I wiped my hands on his neck before I dried them. He was like “Oh you rascal!” and started tailing me and I thought it was cute and playful, but then he started choking me and it was just a little too much for me, and maybe this is because he didn’t hear me because I couldn’t speak (BECAUSE I WAS GETTING CHOKED) but I said our safe word and he didn’t stop so... :/

- Also when we woke up on day two he pulled out his adderall and crushed it up in front of me? I said “What the fuck are you doing,” to which he responded “It goes into your system faster if you snort it! And it’s prescribed so it’s ok!” I was like......

- He kept fucking vaping/using his juul (whatever the fuck I don’t really know the difference) in my car after I repeatedly told him not to because I don’t like people doing that IN MY CAR and it was just really irritating.

- When we went into the sports/activity store, I was just following him because I didn’t know what we were doing there. He takes us straight to the gun section and starts gawking over the guns which was SUPER disrespectful to me because I had told him on the FIRST DAY that guns make me uncomfortable and I don’t like being around anything relating to them.

- I CLEANED HIS FUCKING KITCHEN... like I mopped and cleaned the counters and washed all the dishes every time we ate. He didn’t ask but I think it’s just A LITTLE EXTRA SHITTY when I did all that and I still didn’t even get a thank you!? Much less his ATTENTION!? WHICH IS THE WHOLE REASON I DROVE UP?!?

- He would go on about how he has toxic traits and how poorly he treated his exes and I was just like... Why are you proud of that? Why don’t you want to be better?? It was absurd.

There’s probably more but this is all I remember! Hope you guys enjoy my horrible shenanigans.

[rippingtidess-blog]

Journal Entry 5/15

Here i am with my 400th tumblr account. i decided i need to start journaling to keep my thoughts in order, as well as document how I'm feeling over the next few months and years of my life. i have some huge things ahead of me and i need to keep my thoughts in order. 

for one, i just broke up with my boyfriend, whom i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. thats pretty sad when i think about it. how naive i am to have thought that it was going to happen. i tried so hard to manifest that it would. but in the end, it was better that it didn't. when i thought of our life together in the future, it never made me truly happy. i pictured myself in georgia, at home all the time waiting for him to come home. i pictured myself being financially depended on somebody who fucking sucks with money. 

what i realized is that he wasn't right for me. he just wasn't. and i talked myself into loving him. but why? why did i talk myself into loving him? 

i felt the entire time that i had met him for a reason. that he was supposed to end up in my life and lead me to where i wanted to be. but that wasn't to lead me to marriage or the future i wanted with him. it was to lead me to my OWN future. and thats very crazy to me.

i had such a drawing, soul tugging feeling towards his school, that my future was waiting for me there. i thought it was because of a person. but instead, my future is made because of that school, and that school only. if i had never met him, i would have never gotten the internship there. if i never got the internship there, i would have never met the head coach of football. if i never met the head coach of football, i would have never had an interview for the GA. if i never had the internship for the GA, id be doing nothing with my life. this was all meant to happen, but not for the reasons i wanted it to. and in a way, that is so much more beautiful.

i learned a lot. i learned how to love somebody and the things i want and need in a relationship that i wasn't getting. i only got more clarity on what i truly want in a person. and above all, i realized something I've been doing for the last few boyfriends of my life. 

I have always had a picture so vividly of who i wanted and then ended up getting exactly that person. but thats not how love works. you cannot seek out your soul mate. you will meet them, however, when the time is right. and the time will be right when YOU are complete. i finally feel complete. all this time, since i graduated high school, i have never felt good enough. i have never felt like i was enough on my own. i always sought out a partner who had all the things i lacked. was successful in all the parts i thought i wasn't. it was all for my ego. and i now realize, i am whole. after getting into grad school, i am whole. i have the confidence to love myself. i am proud of myself. i am proud of who i am and what i have accomplished. and i can finally be happy on my own without the affirmation of somebody else. I always needed that constant reassurance that i was enough, especially from people who i thought were so much better than i was. and now that i am enough for myself, i odnt need anyone else in this journey. when the time is right , i will find somebody that is an addition to my life, not a completion. and what a revelation that is. 

as for the massive mistake i made, i will learn from this as well. that is what i am struggling with. how i could have done something like that to somebody. how i could be so careless. but it is in the past now. you cannot go back and change what you did. i know who i am and i know who i want to be. and i know i will never make that mistake again. i never want to do that to somebody again. and i will make sure i don't. i want to be a good person. i want to be a fucking great person. i want to be the best i can be. and I'm not going to let some mistake i made change that. i am going to learn from this. i am going to release the guilt and forgive myself for doing that. i cannot carry around the guilt. it does nothing for anyone. i need to put my mental health first. 

my next partner will be somebody that is an addition. we love and cherish each other. i will be healed of the toxic ways that i had embodied and will be ready to start a life with somebody. 

[adam-dumortains]

Slipping Away - Logan x MC

Book/Pairing(s): MC x Logan

Word Count: 1,191 words

Rating: 18+ due to swearing 

Summary: This fanfic is based on the scenes that follow after Ellie (MC) is trapped in the Vault.

Category: Mini series

Warnings / Trope: Swearing, 

Song: Never Get To Heaven - Sarah Blaine

The Mercy Park Crew are ecstatic that their plan had worked: they had stopped the Brotherhood and they were free again. However, feelings are about to change as Logan comes to the reality that Ellie is in the vault, slowly losing life. 

Note: I’m not really sure where I am going with this but I felt inspired, it’s set from my perspective of the next chapter when the crew realise MC is still in the vault. More chapters to be added soon. 

Ellie clamped at her throat, desperately trying to breathe as she realised what had happened. The plan was to get rid of Brotherhood once and for all. Her head quickly looked around the room as she saw the dead body of the hostage lying lifeless in front of her with blood pouring out of his stab wound, her eyes darted to Detective Shaw who was also trying to catch his breath. Ellie couldn’t believe that he had been behind this all and had used to her to gain information, played on her emotions and her currently troubled relationship with her father for his own benefit and for a moment, she was glad she didn’t help him. She could sense time was running out as her breathing became more erratic. She thought of her father and how if she could see him one last time, she would apologise and tell him how sorry she was for how she had acted and she loved him. Soon, her mind flickered to each member of the crew and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Logan’s face in her mind. Her mind was remembering every touch, every word and every kiss her and Logan had shared and she felt as though her heart was physically aching: she would die here alone. She wanted to run to Logan and tell him how much she loved him with every fibre of her being and now he made her feel alive but she could slowly feel herself losing consciousness as her throat began to hurt. “Logan...” she croaked gently as her body began to become weaker, losing the will to fight.

——

Logan’s head shot up as he heard familiar laughter coming into the poker room he was sat in. He could hear the crew laughing and celebrating. A relieved sigh left Logan’s lips as he realised he would see Ellie in less than a second. He jumped up as he heard the door open, ready to take Ellie into his arms and never let her go. He watched as every member of the crew walked through the door, cheering at him about their plan being a success and hurrying to leave the building. Logan’s mind raced as he realised Ellie was not with the crew and his heart dropped as his face turned to panic.

“Where’s Ellie?!” He exclaimed, pushing them to the side as he frantically looked behind them for her, wondering if this was just some cruel prank.

“Ellie?” Mona’s eyebrow raised as she looked at Logan in confusion.

“S-she was here. We had a plan to stop you all before you...”

“I told her to leave, Logan. She is not with us, she probably went home.” Colt said, rolling his eyes at Logan, presuming he was overthinking.

“No. She went into the room to find you all.”

“We went to the vault and-“ Logan’s face dropped as Xiema mentioned the vault and the reality of what had happened began to dawn on him. Ellie has gone into the vault, not realising what Colt’s plan was.

“The fucking vault! She’s in the vault!” Logan shouted at the top of his longs, drips of sweat falling from his head as he pushed the crew away to run down the hall. The crew followed him, panicked and confused.

“How can she be in the vault? We didn’t see her on our way there...” Colt shouted loudly so that Logan could hear over his fastening footsteps.

“What did you do to the vault?” Logan turned quickly and stopped to look at the crew who were also beginning to realise how serious the situation was.

“We... put a gas grenade into the vault.”

“Shit! Ellie!” Logan sprinted down to the hall and stopped promptly at the vault door, his hands scrambling the handle to open it, with the thought of Ellie running through his mind. “Help me!” Logan pleaded with the crew, his eyes beginning to fill with tears as he thought about the prospect of losing Ellie, the only girl he loved. The crew rushed to his side as Colt jabbed the keys to open the vault, all of them covering their mouths to hide their breaths from the toxicity in the air. Logan ran into the room, not even covering his mouth as he scrambled to look for Ellie, his mind racing.

He spotted a body wearing jeans and a red top on the floor and knew instantly it was Ellie. He ran to her side, clutching her.

“Ellie?!” He shouted her name as he looked at her, her body was limp and her breathing still erratic but she was unconscious. Logan picked her up, taking her into his arms as he ran out of the room and down to the hall as the crew shut the vault door, before running after him. Logan ran with Ellie’s limp body in his arms to the nearest exit which took him to alley way, the tears rolling down his cheeks. He gently placed her lower body on the floor with one hand whilst taking his jacket off with the other and placing it on the floor, lying Ellie on top. He looked at her, pleading with a God he didn’t believe in that she would come back to him. The crew ran out of the door and stopped, all shocked and all saddened in their own way as they witness Logan holding Ellie in his arms on the floor.

“Ellie, please...” He moved one hand from under him to wipe the tears flowing from his eyes, ignoring the pain that had come from wiping against the purple bruise that overtook the corner of his eye. “I can’t lose you. You’re the only person who has ever seen any good in me, saw the darkness in me and still loved me. Please...” Logan’s cries became sobs as he gently shook Ellie, begging her to wake up. His body collapsed over Ellie, crying quietly as the crew watched, helpless to the situation and also crying.

“This is all my fault... I should never have gotten you into this life. I’m so sorry, Ellie.” Logan whispered to Ellie, shaking his head as the guilt washed over him for bringing her into such a dangerous lifestyle. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She was just a pawn at first, something to use for his own gain. Until he started to really see her and began to fall head over heels for her, which never happened. Ever since Logan’s mother was imprisoned and he had never heard from her, the absence of his father, the homelessness he experienced until Kaneko found him and the ultimate realisation that Logan was just a replacement for Colt. Logan had no one, he had his crew, but all he ever wanted was one person to truly care and love him, something he’d never had before and he had found that in Ellie.

“I know this is stupid,” Logan quietly laughed between the tears,” but I googled what your name meant and Ellie means shining light and that’s what you are, Ellie. You’re the light in my life.”

[bi-lullaby]

I loved your last rankings so much that I'm sending you another fun (?!) challenge! How would you rate all these male GA characters from your favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed? :) Alex, Derek, Richard, Mark, Owen, Jackson, Burke, George, Andrew, Linc and Ben? Good luck, and as always, feel free to include your reasons why because I love your answers!

Ohhh boy you give me life with those asks! Here we go:

1 - As no surprise to anyone: Alex. My baby had the best character development I’ve ever seen, really, brcaus ewhile it was huge, it was also paced and believable and stabilished and non-linear. He was a huge asshole with a concealed heart of gold in season one. In season 15, he’s a golden boy with a concealed asshole side, and the growth/diminishment of those sides weren’t always inversely proportionate, but adjusted to what each characteristic was brought out more by his surroundings/worked more on by himself. Also, he’s the person that has stuck with mer for the longest and through the most, which would put him in a high place in this list even if he wasn’t my favorite on his own. I also adore how, thematically, he’s so moved by the women in his life (bot just the romantic i terests while we are at it) for the betterment of himself and hsi ways. It’s not like Owen’s “I’ll need her to take care of me emptionally and shape herself to my desires so I can be in a good place, it’s recognizing those positive influences in his life and trying to emulate them/work with them/learn from them. Also about his theme, itms less the worn-out “guy is validated in being an asshole bc he had a tough life” and more “guy learns that his tough life doesn’t mean he gotta act like an asshole”. I love this character so much, ugh.

2 - Ben. A freaking Disney prince would be a sleeazy douche in comparison. I was so weirded out when Shobda decided to give so much focus to this random-ass character, then I was really turned off by his storyline with the cutting people open and all that (not necessarily because I thought he was wrong, I just felt the storyline was handled awkwardly and made him sound pelutant and irresponsible instead of a promissing, if stubborn, future surgeon. I’ve yet to watch Station 19, but this angel with a scalpel and a fire hose for wings deserves his own goddamn spin-off, for sure.

3 - My baby Andrew. Yeah, he is not that developed, has been inconsistent, his change from “freaking out over Maggie being his boss” to “marvellung at Meredith’s every movie even though she’s kinda even more his boss because she owns the hospital” was... A B R U P T. But I really enjoy this new Andrew - as a side note: I could not care less for him during the whole Sam storyline, he seemed like a toned down Jonhy Bravo - He’s smart and sweet and funny and worships Mer like the Wonder Woman she is. His relationships with Arizona, Amelia, Jo, Carina and now Alex need more screentime because they’re great (or have the potential to be so). He’s competent and brilliant and selfless (dropping the charges on Alex even if he was completely in the right, taking the blame for mer now) and so tender (his absolute gentleness in peds, taking care of Amy after the operation, being a moody, emotive boy because he lost his love instead of a macho men...). The future holds great things for him, and I’m excited to watch them unfold!

4 - Not on your list but I love: Tom. Boy is he nice. As I was figuring out this order, I realized he reminds me a lot of my favorite character (Dean Winchester) - or at least what I think Dean would be if he was older, richer and lived without the Supernatural World and so many traumas. His talk to April was so moving and I felt it really helped. He doesn’t stand on a moral high horse: He does what he thinks is right and damned be judgment. He’s empathetic, he’s romantic, he treats Teddy RIGHT. He deserves to have his own storyline and be more developed and show us kore of his awesomeness.

5 - Jackson. As I said in my ships rating answer, I’ve only started to care for him recently, but I really do care. He’s not a character I’d, like, write fic about, or long rants and meta, but I love his sibling-esque relationship with Mer and his relationship with Maggie and the way he connects with his mom and how this spoiled, immature transfer with something to prove became a respected, innovative surgeon and father who’s secure of himself and ready to explore different paths and ways and worldviews. I just wish him, and the Grey’s fandom, would be less defensive about the callout of his privileged life. Like. I’ve seen people write paragraphs upon paragraphs about how Maggie was a bitch for calling him privileged. And he is (for his hoards upon hoards of money growing up). That’s not too hard a concept to grasp. Plus, it’d be nice if he could treat Maggie as less of a consolation prize/second chance. Just because faith (or lack thereof) was a source of tension in his previous marriage, and he feels like changing that would have made everything better, doesn’t mean the same applies to his current relationship, or that Maggie is the one who should change -he learned, learned, and is back in square one seeing only his side of it - I really hope this season treats him more kindly and gives him happiness and peace!

6 - Richard. I love him for his parental-and-ish relationships, specially to Maggie, Mer and Jackson, but to Bailey and Callie too. That’s my favorite aspect of him, watching those gives me a nice, warm feeling in my tummy and puts a smile on my face. There’s some aspects of him I find either boring or unpleasant, and I think it’s kinda annoying how him retiring has been a theme/conflict since, like, season one, and fast-foward ten years and he’s basically an entity at the hospital. Like? What? Was the point? You’ve waisted my time? For nothing? But he’s a solid, reliable character you can’t really hate and who brings more good than bad to the show by far. As a side note: one day I will yell at him for his treatment of Maggie after she talked about HER OWN HISTORY and he basically called her a mistake (although he apologized pretty soon and she forgave him so so will I).

7 - Mark. He was great and all that, but never sparked that love some characters did. I was sad when he died, I loved his scenes and relationships, I just am not invested in him. Plus the immaturity in his relationship with Lexie pisses me off a bit, as does his “man whore” personality.

8 - Link. Genuinely love him, he’s been nothing but sweet and kind and fun and helpful this entire time! I cheered for Merlink sooooo much imat first, and I really wish their friendship will be developed! Him and Jo are everything I never knew I needed. He has no arguable flaws besides being so sculped it freaks me out a little bit, but he isn’t higher up in my rank because there isn’t much material for that yet, but expect a climb as he becomes more and more regular.

9 - Burke. He was kinda sweet and did a good thing for Cristina (the hospital). He was also manipulative and arrogant and voundary-crossing in their relationship. I might like him better if it was bot for Burktina, but we will never know.

10 - Owen. Toxic as fuck, annoying, controlling, disgusting. Those are all things that very much apply to Owen in a lot of situations. Screaming at Cristina for “murdering their baby”? YIKES. Big no no. He was not suited for romantic relationships at all and I wish the show would realize that and allow him that space and breathing time without being stuck in a complicated relationship with loads of baggage or a love triangle. Because that’s my whole thing about him: I believe he has room for growth. His relationship with April is pretty amazing, he was always so considerate and gentle with her, all the time, and I want to see more of that bond. He loves kids and can be really good with them, he has a lot of things to work out with the traumas of his father’s death + war + his sister’s story. Why not focus on that? Why not show him growing and processing and bettering himself and living up to the potential he has? I feel like they gave the all the wrong romantic storylines to the character who’s otherwise really good and that’s such a shame because I really enjoyed him at first. Lets see what happens from now on, and if he gets a dose of tv’s “heterosexual love and a nuclear biological family solve everything!” medicine or if this is a turning point for him.

11 - Derek. He never really had any appeal to me. Not his face, not his personality, not his storylines or plot points pr the actor. That’s reason enough for him to rank low, but I also think he had some really bad traits. He was arrogant and condescending and had a God complex and was sexist and pushy and just not great for the people around him. Exploiting Amy’s addiction being outed to steal surgeries? Refusing to give Mer credit on their clinic trial? Putting ultimatums on his girlfriend that she either has to be ready for a full, committed relationship or end things, then call her a slut when she sleeps with other guys after they broke up? Cheating on Addison after deciding to work things out? Stringing mer and addie along? Not saying he was married in the first place? Pushing Mer’s boundaries after she was clearly uncomfortable with having slept with her boss? Refusing to have an inch of empathy for Mer’s action regarding the trial despite her complicated history with the people she was trying to help (who were her friends, actually?)? Telling his depressed girlfriend that she should be concerned the happiest part of his day was flirting with another girl from the bar? Ratting out on Richard to the board because he wanted the spot? Not acknowledging Mer’s trauma after the shooting? Kissing nurse Rose while building the dream house? Kissing his student while being married in NY? Pushing his wife to move and saying his career was more important than his after he had compromised on letting her shine? All things that, isolated, can even be understood on context and “everyone makes mistakes”, but that when put together, make it pretty clear it’s a pattern of someone with very little regard to the people around him. Was he a good surgeon? Yeah. Great father as well. He also had some interesting relationships and iconic scenes, truly, I can recognize that. I hurt for the people he loved and left behind (and I genuinely think he loved them and meant well), but he himself I don’t miss at all.

12 - I think George is the clearest contrast between how old greys handled matters of sexism and gender and sexuality and how it does now. He was such a sleazy nice guy at times, it is unbearable to me. And he ranks lower than Derek because A) His relationships also bored me while Derek’s could pique my interest at times, B) There’s no talk about his mistakes. Remember when he (in his own words) took advantage of Meredith being on a terrible, delicate, vulnerable place (still hiding her mother’s Alzheimer’s and seeing a person be blown to pieces and being dumped by who she thought was the one and being rejected by her father for the second time after seeing him for the first time in tweenty years) and, knowing that she was not interested in him, pursued her, then after she started crying because of the literal pile of shit she was having to carry around (and still trying to preserve his feelings), got mad at her and everyone sided with him? It baffled younger me to bits that what Mer had “done” was so terrible, it has not stoped bafflinn me in the years that have passed since. Can you imagine any of the girls crying during sex because they’re so overwhelmed and feel like that’s a mistake, and the guy freaks out on them and they’re instantly ostracized by the narrative and characters? That’s essentially criticizing her for the right of saying no, of stopping when she doesn’t want to continue, of not giving away her time and feels just because a goofy guy who is her friend feels entitled to them. That’s the word: entitled. He literally says he “saw her first”. How’s that not Nice Guy 101? I would understand his ego being bruised, but the guilt tripping and the bitching and the fact none of that is treated as a fucking creepy thing? Yikes. Also how he treated Callie, who deserved so, so much better. And even Olivia who was perfectly lovely and did nothing wrong besides having sex with more than one guy without breaking either of their trusts because she wasn’t in a relationship with any of them. Did he do some good things? Sure did! Joey’s surgery costs being cut, helping Bailey give birth, some of his interactions with patients were really sweet, and he died giving his life for someone else. It’s just that consequence-less sexism and entitlement that never gets adressed and gets treated as not only valid, but right, that makes him go rom unappealing to downright hated for me. Better left in the past where people can misplacedly idolize him!

Thank you so much for asking, I love those thought-inspiring asks! <3