#but from what i’ve read on parrot behavior i think they just understand it on a fundamental level

[catenary-chad]

I think Electra is fine with bugs, totally chill with rats (they work around too many big cities crawling with them) and not too phased by snakes or reptiles since they’re not statistically scary. But large hooved mammals? Terrifying and unpredictable, largely alien things to a city slicker, that statistically are about the most dangerous animals in the US. Larger dogs are probably a nope too, but big furry things going bump in the woods or getting way too close will guaranteed make them flee.

[trainchomp]

Harry did Dexter so dirty. He took a troubled boy with mental health and emotional regulation issues, did not get him the help he needed, and instead pushed him towards harmful behaviors and forced him to hide from everyone in his life including his mother and sister. And then, when confronted with the consequences of his own actions, Harry kills himself, leaving Dexter alone with mountains of trauma and a huge, terrible secret that he’s not allowed to tell anyone because his father instilled in him this deep seated fear that he is, at his core, unlovable. What a horrible thing to teach your child.

And Dexter wants help, he tries to get help. He goes to NA, he tries to find god, he confides in his sister. Until there’s a little roadblock, a little set back, he meets a psycho sponsor and a murderous Christian and he decides there’s no way he’ll get better and he goes back to what he knows how to do. Because it feels good, and even though he knows it’s bad, indulging in the behavior feels better than trying to avoid it, which is painful, and difficult, and it’s just easier not to.

I was really upset when he gave up on NA, I think they really could have helped him. He is addicted to killing. Regardless of who he’s killing or why, it feels good and he wants to keep doing it. He can put up this wall of “i only kill bad guys” and “some people slip through the cracks” except that he regularly goes after people the police are actively trying to catch. Home boy did not “slip through the cracks”, you deliberately hid evidence from the cops in the hopes that you would get to them sooner.

Mostly I just hate Harry because everyone puts him on this pedestal of being a great cop and a good father and not only do we have absolutely 0 evidence of him being a good cop (the only thing they ever actually say about his detective work is that he was sleeping around with a Lot of CIs and never made Lieutenant), we also have 0 evidence of him being a good father! He accepted Dexter’s killing *in theory* but when confronted with it literally chose to kill himself instead of face what he had done, and actively abandoned his other child??? No matter how high one child’s support needs, your other child also has needs and neglecting them is abuse.

And actually, while we’re at it, why do they keep getting rid of characters like they never existed? What happened to the Irish nanny? What happened to the girl Angel was dating before the writers just decided to put him and LaGuerta together for no good reason? Where did they go and could you not have thrown them a line or two of dialogue?? Literally have Dexter say they need to hire Angel’s sister cause the old nanny moved back to Ireland and I’d be happy.

Meanwhile apparently Deborah is in love with Dexter despite us not getting any evidence of this leading up to the moment she realises it and their dynamic changing not at all afterwards.

Why is this show so bad? They had a fantastic premise, some pretty good actors, and I’ve never read the books, but I’ve heard they’re decent. They had everything they needed to make something watchable and they chose to make this instead? It’s so bad I have to wonder if they’re doing it on purpose. Is the whole thing meant to be ironic? are we supposed to understand that despite everyone parroting the opposite, Harry actually sucked? Are we supposed to think critically about Dexter’s actions, or are we just supposed to accept that it’s a good thing that he’s killing killers? Or was no one ever meant to think about this show too hard because it was primarily made for ad slots

[ezrazone]

making this non-rebloggable and may delete it, but i do want to talk about my first experience as a literary critic because i think it matters despite my wanting nothing to do with the subject of the piece for as long as i live. this is not a callout or a call to action. please be advised to leave this guy alone. i can forgive them now that their behavior towards me has stopped.

this past winter, ahead of my first article as a comics critic, i very naively hoped to have a conversation with another cartoonist about the philosophical ideas their latest book is wrestling with. i ended up having a tense but respectful discussion with the author, which they then chose to lie about to both their twitter audience for sympathy and then in outrage via emails to my editor at the online journal in hopes of having me blacklisted or getting the review censored or scrubbed. it went nowhere (except a small handful of petty comments on the article itself, parroting the version of events that the author invented for twitter) and an internal investigation at the journal, which yielded the obvious (that the claims were completely fabricated, as evidenced by our written correspondences on either side of an uncomfortable phone-call and the actual review which is critical but not malicious or personal).

i think it’s very easy to get wrapped up in the indignity of the experience and the horror-magnet of this individual personality. i think i got off pretty easy; this is not someone with a great deal of power or influence (i am far from the first person to trigger their tar-pit behavior on twitter), it never followed me to other social media, and i got to keep my article up because it was fair and professional. i still have my job as a freelancer with the journal.

but i think something matters from my experience, beyond the interpersonal confusion - i cannot possibly understand why they behaved the way they did and will lose my mind if i try. but what i do have is new insight into the way that people are prone to covet acceptance via professional work, how the myth of creating something genius in isolation promises to resolve all of your personal and spiritual issues - and how “bad reception” (or merely insightful reception, or reception you personally disagree with as a creative worker) appears to threaten your safety and your sanity.

being begged by someone who has published multiple substantial graphic novels - achievements i am nowhere close to undertaking myself at this point in my creative development - not to “cancel them” by writing a completely warranted review of their hugely ambitious comics project was like having a bucket of ice water dumped on my own delusions of grandeur. this awful social interaction has begun a chain reaction of ego deaths in me that only seem to accelerate as i wrangle pieces of my health from the jaws of my long covid crash last year.

i cannot possibly care about being Da King of Comics anymore. it’s just fucking comics.

anyways you can read my review on SOLRAD. and you are obviously advised to leave the artist alone. i think it’s very cool, actually, that i was able to walk away from an encounter like that knowing that 1) i treated this person during our actual encounters with respect, compassion, curiosity and consideration and 2) that i would write a fair review no matter how much they thrashed and cursed me and begged me to become a part of their annihilation fantasies. i have never felt more clear on who i am or what my work is capable of.

i hope by sharing about my experience that i do not re-provoke this person, since writing the review at all sent them into a blackout rage of self-pity and entitlement for several weeks. i have never described them publicly as they actually treated me, but i don’t think i’ve become a better person by sitting on it. maybe this can be part of me letting them go.

i still find the book interesting. i could have written an article that was 5x the length of the one on SOLRAD and not even scratched the surface of how meaningful the book is to me. isn’t that kind of sad, that these characters could have lived on through me or through anybody? i could have made comics about it, new drawings and illustrations to heighten the things that worked while acknowledging the things that cannot work.

we are so culturally petrified of subjective audience experiences and transformative work. we are so wedded to our own egos, to being regarded as individually pure and infallible. it’s a huge disservice to the work we actually make, which is so much bigger than this individual’s emotional response to embarrassing themselves in front of a colleague.

they admitted to me over the phone that they had not read any single philosopher name-checked in their book. they had only listened to breadtube playlists. i had not pressed very hard; just listened, just observed them openly. the next four months would be colored by their own horror at this admission of their own incuriosity and what they feared i might do with it. they’d call me an “adult bully” in their twitter takedown, hreatening to “kick their corpse” by calling them “a bigot” and by “refusing to explain why”. i had only accepted them as they were and promised to treat their work with respect and dignity.

i declined, over the phone, to give this person experiencing severe emotional distress a new reading list. they reacted as if, because they perceived me as “knowing better”, i was doing violence to them by not immediately teaching them all that i know. instead, i outright rejected the framing that there was something wrong with their book because they had not “read enough” and instead tended to their emotional well-being, reassuring them that i cared for their future as an artist and took the review seriously. they were able to calm down as we spoke and they thanked me for being a safe person. they seem to have changed their mind later, after the story underwent several escalating permutations.

we’re all doing enough. we can do more, when we accept that our work is already in other people’s hands. my plea to the proto anne rices of the world. rice said she obliterated all of that fan work and fan discussion from the internet with her massive legal financial and social power because she was worried that reading something about her work might cause her writer’s block.

you can make something exceptionally wonderful and it will matter very little if you cannot share it. allow it to be witnessed. allow somebody to disagree with it. make work with the expectation that most people will not understand it. world peace my final message etc

[sophieinwonderland]

Sophie, you fundamentally misunderstand why people say you don’t see your opponents as people. They mean that you do not exhibit empathy for these people. Usually appeals to humanity elicit empathetic responses, and your apathy is rather concerning.

I don’t know if you have a condition that makes empathy difficult for you. If so, that’s understandable, but I would also then encourage you to step back and work on that skill before developing a large platform around fighting with other people.

However, you do seem to express empathy for those who you agree with, so I don’t think you entirely lack the skill. I think you just struggle to employ it when it’s emotionally difficult to do so. That’s understandable. You probably weren’t taught how to do so! Most people aren’t.

Regardless, you are nearly 30 years old. Your executive brain — which includes empathy — is fully developed. You are interacting with mostly people whose empathy is not yet fully developed. The onus is on you to model healthy behavior to your audience. You do not do this.

I’m going to be harsher from now on. I want this to really sink into your head. I don’t think you fully grasp the gravity of the things you say. I want you to know I’m not attacking you, I’m just trying to be firm and show you how alarming this all is. I really and sincerely encourage you to read my words as someone who wants to help you. I want to help you. I am worried about you and your health. I am worried about your followers. This is coming from a place of concern.

You are also a threat, Sophie. As a pro-endo system, you are incredibly frightening to me. I do not feel safe in pro-endo spaces because of how violent they are becoming, often parroting your rhetoric. I honestly see you as more of a threat than most anti-endos. Most anti-endos I have ever met are more caught up in definitions than an actual hatred of endos. Most anti-endos I’ve met are also young — much younger than you, anyway — and are thus still limited in their worldview. Often a conversation or two is enough to help expand this worldview into greater inclusivity. This won’t happen with everyone, of course, but we can’t reach everyone no matter what. Some anti-endos will always hate pro-endos, just as some pro-endos will always hate anto-endos.

You don’t treat anti-endos with empathy, and thus you only cause more harm, for both sides. You do nothing to change minds. You are only radicalizing people further. I promise you don’t make anti-endos think “oh wow, I need to change my ways because pro-endos want to take everything from me and make me suffer.” You make them think “holy fucking shit, pro-endos are monsters.” And while you may have radicalized other pro-endos to the point that joining pro-endos spaces can start to feel like joining a platoon, all you do is make me feel less and less like calling myself a pro-endo. I don’t like being in spaces where the majority of what people talk about is “I hate X people so much I wish they’d die.” These places feel hostile. There’s always been a layer of hostility, but it’s been getting much worse recently. And a lot of these people look up to you.

You are exactly what you despise. You actively cultivate a hate group yourself, dedicated to encouraging real, tangible harm against anti-endos. The things you post are genuinely more in line with actual definitions of hate groups, actually (remember, marginalized communities can also form hate groups). You do not address the structures that lead people to become anti-endo. You instead attack, threaten, and set your followers onto the individual people who are also hurting under the system that hurts you. This is not doing what you think it does! This isn’t a “gotcha” at anti-endos. This doesn’t stop more people from becoming anti-endo. You’d be more successful appealing to institutions, not anti-endos or other pro-endos, if your actual goal is to reduce anti-endo ideology.

But that’s not your goal, I think. Your goal seems to be “make them hurt as much or more than they hurt me.” That’s maladaptive. You legitimately are going about this in the way army recruits are trained to kill. Maybe you were in the military, I don’t know, but that thinking is very, very dangerous.

You are not on a battleground. You are on Tumblr or Reddit. You’re not bringing any systemic change by arguing on Tumblr or Reddit.

I think you also fundamentally misunderstand your opponent. Just as many anti-endos can say that pro-endos “hate us for our existence and even if they're not directly attacking us, they're supporting those that do.” Just as many anti-endos receive threats, including from you. Many anti-endos see pro-endos as ableist bigots, and that’s the source of their upset. Many anti-endos think pro-endos are overrunning their spaces.

The talking points are the same. You are excusing sadistic behavior on your part. That doesn’t make the behavior acceptable.

If you don’t care that someone else is a person, if you hurt them fully knowing that they’re another human being and that your actions will seriously hurt them, you are not an inclusionist. You are not an advocate.

You are dangerous. Period. MUCH more dangerous than the person who doesn’t realize their opponent is also human.

If you want to empathize with everyone, be my guest. 🤷‍♀️

Maybe that TERF on the other side of the screen is a victim. She was abused as a child. Then she grew up and entered into abusive relationship after abusive relationship. On top of that, every attempt at getting ahead in a male-dominated world has her battling the patriarchy at every turn. She's talked over and beaten down for the crime of being a woman in a man's world. It's cruel and unfair.

Her history, her trauma, makes it easy to radicalize her against all men. Every man must be inherently evil. And as for trans women, she thinks, “how dare they call themselves women? How dare they claim my experiences and the experiences of my sisters when they've never suffered like we have?”

And then she's fed a narrative that these “men” are pretending to be women to be able to sexually assault her and her daughters. And every time she enters the bathroom with someone she thinks is trans, she's going to have a panic attack and flashbacks to the worst days of her life.

If you want to empathize with the opposition, good for you. Think about how every advancement of trans rights is going to further retraumatize this woman and every woman with a story like hers.

Do you feel good about yourself, advocating for trans people knowing that doing so is going to hurt victims like this?

Well… you should. Because to do nothing, to choose not to defend trans rights, is going to hurt trans people who face discrimination and bigotry themselves. Inaction is worse.

I firmly believe the morally right thing to do… is to support the policies that are going to retraumatize some victims of abuse to protect trans people. And to push rhetoric that paint all TERFs, including women like that, as bigots who are dangerous and harmful. And if that woman is harmed by this rhetoric… well, no matter what led her to her choices, she still sided with hate. She still chose hate.

The road to every positive change in the world is going to be paved with hurt people, and she's just another brick in it.

Someone was telling me this not too long ago, and it’s a line I’ve rolled over and over in my head so many times since…

“It is heart-shattering to look in the mirror and recognize that you have done harm with good intentions. It is a come-to-myself, life-changing moment that we have had to endure several times already”

And I've thought about this because, for me, this just has never been true. I’ve been fully cognizant from the beginning that however nice I go about it, even if I try to minimize harm, my actions are going to hurt some people. There will be repercussions for whatever I do.

Perhaps lately I’ve been leaning into this too much where I’m intentionally making myself look scarier. But maybe I’m just tired of feigning ignorance. Of pretending my actions are harmless when I’ve always known that it’s a lie we tell ourselves to feel better about doing what has to be done.

I don’t like being in spaces where the majority of what people talk about is “I hate X people so much I wish they’d die.”

I'm just going to say that I don't see this actually happening. Here on Tumblr, I can only think of one post telling anti-endos to die, and it was basically phrased as them returning the same energy to anti-endos that they give to us, in response to months of anti-endos tagging posts with "#endos die" and even passing around that one image saying "death to the endos of Tumblr."

I do not condone or support telling anti-endos to die under any circumstances, but I do see telling random people to die for being endogenic as being different from responding to death threats in turn. And again, this is the only post I saw like that on Tumblr recently while I've seen many from anti-endos.

I also haven't noticed this sort of culture on r/plural when I've been there. Even when topics do go to sysmeds, they aren't wishing death on them.

I'm not saying you're wrong, because it's possible that this is happening in whatever isolated Discord servers you're in, but I haven't seen it happening in the spaces I frequent.

And if this is a problem, I'm not sure how much can be linked back to me when I'm not even in those spaces.

If this is becoming more frequent, maybe it's just in response to anti-endos ramping up their own rhetoric and becoming more violent in publicly calling for the deaths of endogenic systems, regularly wishing pain and suffering on us, intentionally invading our spaces to hurt us, and bullying and harassing endogenic systems and supporters like they've done to Aimkid and the Yaelokre server.

Just as many anti-endos can say that pro-endos “hate us for our existence and even if they're not directly attacking us, they're supporting those that do.”

Oh, bullshit!

Don't you dare try to "both sides" this!

Sure, anyone can say that, no matter how stupid of a comparison it is.

Except it's pretty clear that anti-endos are hated for a harmful ideology. Not for their existence.

If they don't want to be hated, they can just choose not be hateful to people for their existences. Simple. Easy peasey!

And since you claim to be a pro-endo system, I should also point out that if you're fully traumagenic, and you so chose, you could jump ship and join with the hate group to avoid getting hate from them.

If I don't want to be hated by anti-endos as an endogenic systems though, what are my options?

There are only two, really. I can either lie and pretend to be something I'm not. Or I stop existing. There is no other out because this IS about my existence, not simply my ideology.

I don't have a real choice but to ride this ship 'til the end and do my best to eradicate anything that tries to sink it.

And this also applies to your line about how I'm supposedly cultivating a "hate group." Because actual hate groups hate people for their immutable characteristics (and sometimes religion), not simply their ideology. No matter how much a group despises Nazis, you can't have an "anti-Nazi" hate group, because Nazism is an ideology.

Many anti-endos think pro-endos are overrunning their spaces.

You're leaving out the part where they think any spaces they happen to be in are "their spaces." Like say, a Yaelokre server that happens to be welcoming to pro-endos.

A major theme in recent sysmed rhetoric as more pro-endos branch out to and are accepted in new spaces is that we're now invading spaces that aren't even system-related.

Not to mention them trying to claim our spaces, terms and resources that have always been pro-endo as their own.

You say this isn't a battlefield, but in a way, I believe it is. No, we're not killing each other. But it is a fight of sorts, where anti-endos will do everything they can to get rid of us. They'll harass not just us, but people who support or even are neutral to us, with the express intent of getting us kicked out of literally every space we're in, even if that space isn't system-related.

And I fully believe that the best strategy is going to be not appealing to anti-endos directly to change their minds, but amping up rhetoric so that people who haven't formed an opinion will start viewing and treating sysmeds the same way they treat transphobes, homophobes, racists, sexists and the like.

And yes, this will hurt a bunch of people in the process. I know many are trauma survivors. They're people with friends and families of their own. Some are people who have similar interests to mine. And if they don't change their ways then things won't be good for them.

But the thing you need to know about me is that... I've made my peace with that.

You are dangerous. Period. MUCH more dangerous than the person who doesn’t realize their opponent is also human.

"Seeing your opponents as human is more dangerous than dehumanizing them" is a surprising take to see.

But you know... for once... you're not wrong.

Dehumanization is the primary weapon of anti-endos. And while great to make their followers okay with hurting and harassing people, it also makes them ineffective because they spend most of their time arguing with strawmen and refusing to listen to the actual arguments and positions of their opponents, or acknowledge their experiences.

So I'll give you this one. The fact that I see sysmeds as human lets me see all their little human vulnerabilities other people would miss, and it DOES make me more dangerous.

And I sure hope they remember that.

[aronarchy]

I’ve been trying to learn more about colonialism and capitalism, but how does it tie into my daily life? I know I have been oppressed and abused in my personal life but it still feels abstract to read about larger systems. It seems like our current problems are now and that’s the past. Can you help me understand?

Well, to put it simply, micro is macro. That means the little things are small versions of the big things. We could look at interpersonal relations, rape culture, modern wars, colonialism, capitalism, globalization, white imperialism as a continuum rather than separate things. Think loops within loops. Giant abuse cycles with mid-sized and smaller abuse cycles interlocked.

You’d say, what does a cycle of domestic violence have to do with rape or the Iraq War or 1492, right? But let’s look at the mechanisms of all these things, how they’re perpetuated, supported, who is most affected, who is assumed to be rightfully aggressive and whose self-defense is vilified. Let’s look at victim blaming and how it keeps pretty much all the “isms” alive (“If only you were X, Y, or Z, I wouldn’t have to hurt you”), and how respectability politics works on the same logic.

The need to exert control over other people’s bodies and reactions and disregard for personal boundaries is seen in abuse within interpersonal relationships, in slavery, and in colonialism. The same “Do what I say or be guilted or aggressed into it” is seen in rape—which is usually an extension of other forms of abuse from people you know and even love. Rape doesn’t come from a singular, isolated goblin in the dark of the night. The same “I want what I want, and I don’t care how it hurts you” that we see in domestic violence is what we see in how capitalism operates across the world. It’s the same notions of “Everything’s here for the taking, to be exploited by me” we see in sexist men, in their manifest destiny, and all over what we now call the globalized world.

December 11, 2023

Over the last two months, Israel has subjected the Gaza Strip—a blockaded 140-square-mile strip of land home to 2.2 million—to endless bombardment, killing more than 17,000 Palestinians in 65 days and injuring and trapping thousands more under rubble. Through it all, U.S. lawmakers, Zionist organizations, and the highly influential lobbying group the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) have parroted the same talking point while funding Israel’s genocide: “Israel has a right to defend itself.” This language takes a cue from the behaviors and conceits of abusers and enablers.

To sociologist and sexual violence researcher Dr. Nicole Bedera the language and obfuscation tactics of the Israel lobby in the U.S. are chillingly familiar. In particular, she’s reminded of a pattern of behavior commonly adopted by abusers: DARVO, or deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. The “toolkit of domination” isn’t just applied interpersonally; it also plays a role in military conflict and colonization.

The colonial logic of Democratic Sen. John Fetterman of Pennsylvania, AIPAC, and most members of Congress deliberately buries how aggression from the occupying force cannot be understood as “self-defense.” Israel, as the overwhelming majority of U.S. lawmakers frame it, is the victim, and the Palestinians whose land Israel is occupying are the aggressors. 

“Victims are not allowed to defend themselves from the abuser,” Bedera told Prism. When they do, they’re “cast as the aggressor, especially by the criminal justice system,” and often face charges for acts of self-defense. “Aggressors will try to make themselves look like the victim, to make any violence from them ‘self-defense,’ and any violence from their victim into an act of aggression. There’s only one group that’s permitted to be violent and aggressive.” This, Bedera says, is mirrored to a tee in Western conceptions of Israel and Palestine, especially in the two months since the Hamas attacks on Israel on Oct. 7.

And, she notes, since Oct. 7, the Israeli military’s targeting of journalists—killing at least 70 as of Dec. 4, sometimes killing their entire families—has been deliberate. These targeted attacks are about making it as difficult as possible to disseminate information and let the facts of Israel’s violence reach people worldwide. The killing of journalists, Bedera says, is a “violent denial” of what’s happening on the ground: “DARVO is not about convincing the listener what happened, but making both sides seem untrustworthy. It’s about convincing people to be neutral, that they don’t know what’s going on, and so they should just look the other way from the abuse.” 

Bedera, who has extensively researched the litigation of campus sexual assault cases in Title IX offices, sees this all the time: Jacqueline Cruz, a friend of Bedera’s and fellow sexual violence researcher, calls it “orchestrated complexity,” the purposeful shrouding of facts, the manufacturing of nuance and qualifications that always privilege the abuser. This is how the false narrative of “mutual abuse” arises, obscuring who has any power to abuse in the first place. When something seems too complicated—even though it really isn’t—institutions justify inaction. “With Title IX, the thing they want to do is nothing. It’s the least amount of legal risk; it allows them to protect the perpetrators,” Bedera said. Similarly, Bedera says she’s observed how the dissemination of videos of the on-the-ground horrors in Gaza are often met with ostensibly objective, neutral parties trying to offer context: “It’s, ‘Well it’s more complicated than you think,’ and sometimes that may be true. But the result is, it makes people feel like they don’t have enough context to take a stand. It doesn’t necessarily make them switch sides, but they’re afraid to take the wrong side, so they just don’t take one.” The assumption, Bedera says, is that “inaction is neutral.” But it will always benefit the abuser who holds more power and benefits from a situation staying the same.

More recently, Western media has propelled narratives of alleged mass, coordinated rape perpetrated by Hamas against Israeli women, in some cases weaponizing reports of sexual assault to bolster support for the genocide in Gaza and capitalize on racist Western stereotypes about Arabic men as “barbaric” rapists. For merely pointing out the violence and war crimes—including widespread sexual abuse—that Israel has perpetrated against Palestinians earlier this week, Rep. Pramila Jayapal faced horrific smears accusing her of condoning sexual assault. But the extensive media coverage of unsubstantiated allegations of a mass rape campaign perpetrated by Palestinians does not stem from concern for all victims. If it did, it would acknowledge how the Zionist project itself is a fundamental act of gender-based violence; it creates the sharply unequal power dynamics that lead to sexual violence against Palestinians with impunity. Colonization and occupation create innate, inescapable vulnerability to sexual violence for Palestinian children, women, and men, who are routinely terrorized, detained, and abused by Israeli forces with impunity.

Child sexual abuse within Israeli prisons is rampant and systematic: In 2014, the Palestinian Prisoners’ Club reported that Israeli occupation forces arrested at least 600 Palestinian children in Jerusalem, and subjected nearly half to sexual violence. The nonpartisan humanitarian groups Save the Children, Human Rights Watch, and Defense for Children International have offered corroborating reports of prevalent child sexual abuse in Israeli jails through the years, as recently as this July. A former U.S. State Department official recently resigned and told CNN this week that when Defense for Children International Palestine informed the U.S. that Israeli forces raped a 13-year-old Palestinian boy in an Israeli jail and the U.S. brought this to Israel’s attention, Israel shut down the organization’s office the following day and declared it “a terrorist entity.” According to numerous reports from Israeli and Western outlets alike, Israel has offered safe haven to those charged with child sexual abuse in other countries.

Despite this rampant, well-documented sexual brutality inflicted on Palestinians, the prevailing narrative remains that all of this is too complicated to decipher between victim and perpetrator. In the vein of “orchestrating complexity,” Bedera notes that one of the most common tactics of abusers is to change or obfuscate when a violent situation began. She sees this, particularly in American media coverage and political discourse on Israel’s war on Gaza and the fixation on Oct. 7: “When you start in the middle of a conflict rather than the beginning, you’re very unlikely to be able to tell why what just happened took place, or see who the primary aggressor is,” Bedera said. “Nothing starts with just a random attack—that’s not how this works.” Oct. 7 is not the beginning; rather, “the [Israeli] occupation is akin to the beginning of an abusive relationship.” And the reality is that, in both interpersonal and military contexts, victims can find themselves forced to use violence to resist violence.

Obscuring all information on anything but Oct. 7 sets up the perfect conditions for the U.S. Israel lobby to weaponize DARVO, leaning into the characterization of Israeli terrorism and war crimes as “self-defense,” Bedera says. The act of denial is deeply embedded in the White House response to every children’s hospital bombed by Israel, every dialysis patient killed, and every premature baby killed, left to starve, die, and decompose in their hospital beds by Israel’s blockade. The denial is in President Joe Biden’s conspiracy theory that the reported death counts from Gaza’s Health Ministry can’t be trusted—all while readily accepting every claim from the Israeli Occupation Forces, which has admitted to lying on numerous occasions.

Attacking Palestinians has also been core to the U.S. response to the Zionist war on Gaza: In the days immediately following Oct. 7, Florida Gov. and Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis said the U.S. can’t accept any Palestinian refugees—even children—because they’re all “antisemitic.” On Nov. 2, Republican Rep. Ryan Zinke of Montana introduced a bill to expel all Palestinian Americans from the country. Republican Rep. Brian Mast Florida said there are “very few innocent Palestinian civilians.” Democratic Rep. Josh Gottheimer of New Jersey sweepingly referred to Muslim Americans as “guilty.”

All as U.S. officials, led by the president, deny basic realities about Israeli atrocities in Gaza and attack Palestinians in the U.S. and Gaza, the refrain remains that Israel is defending itself, that Israel is the victim: “The way ‘reverse victim-offender’ works most often is to literally just say, ‘to think negatively of me is unfair,’” Bedera said, pointing to how criticism of Israel and dissent to U.S. funding of the Israeli military is punished and characterized as antisemitic. Democratic Rep. Rashida Tlaib of Michigan, the only Palestinian-American Congress member, was one of just a handful of Congress members who have ever been censured for her use of the decades-old slogan advocating Palestinian liberation, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free,” which was baselessly decried as genocidal by Zionist politicians. 

That Zionists lean so heavily into narratives of Israel’s victimhood stands out to Bedera because such narratives are often heavily scrutinized when used by actual victims. This method has only been successful for Zionists “as a group with a lot of power.” Consider, for example, social media posts shared by Amy Schumer that refer to Israel in feminized, gendered terms and sweepingly call Gazans “rapists,” even as reported sexual violence against Palestinians is pervasive in Israeli prisons and rape is an institutionalized tool of colonization. “Part of why I think that this is effective is because Israel, supposedly the woman, the victim, isn’t defending themselves—it’s the U.S. arming Israel, the U.S. then, in that metaphor, can step in as the man, the white knight intervening with arms,” Bedera said. 

And why do atrocities perpetrated by Israel not seem to matter to the U.S.? “Everyone knows or loves a rapist,” Bedera said. Pointing to the U.S. and Israel’s decades-old, close relationship, she explained, “When it’s someone you know and love, you’re unlikely to see them as one; they’re someone you want to take the side of.” It further helps that the language of DARVO and justifying abuse is already so familiar to U.S. audiences. Violence and perceptions of aggressors and victims are also inextricably and fundamentally racialized in the U.S.: Israel’s racist language about Palestinians, calling them “children of darkness” and “barbarians,” is “intended for an American audience,” Bedera says.

In the U.S. itself, Bedera emphasizes that the “fact that we have such a large military” emerges from the language of victimhood, “from language that we need to protect ourselves, we are the victims” of other countries. The language of domestic violence and the justification of it are a staple of militarism and international relations: “There are human rights abuses happening across the globe, like now, a genocide is being is being committed by [Israel], but the U.S. decides we’re just going to look the other way, we’re not going to even condemn it, because [Israel] gets to choose what they do in the privacy of their home,” Bedera said. “That’s the primary way domestic violence is justified. Just as long as you do it within the confines of a place you’re allowed to control, your private home, your own country—we’re willing to look away.”

At the core of the U.S. government’s response to the genocidal Israeli campaign against Palestinians is an incessant, violent policing of Palestinian victimhood. We see this in the urgent demand for anyone who expresses support for Palestine to condemn the Palestinian resistance and its fighters, to criticize the colonized for how they respond to their oppression, just as we criticize victims of abuse for their responses to abuse. All too often, when someone critiques the behaviors of victims, the insinuation is that under those same conditions, they would be better, they would know better than the victim—to condemn something is to say you would not do it. 

But no one with access to water in their homes, the ability to move from one place to another freely, to go to a hospital without being bombed, to not have family members killed by a heavily militarized state actor could possibly say what they would or would not do, what measures they would or would not take under those circumstances, to try to be free. Yet, there’s no acknowledgment of this reality from U.S. officials or Zionist institutions. It’s a total “lack of empathy,” Bedera says—for those who experience violence, for what the experience of violence can drive people to do.

Crazy mental gymnastics but at least they are admitting it’s a genocide now.

[something-very-special]

In the original Nier, Weiss and Papa muse about how the shades are slowly "becoming smarter" and better organized. Through the lore, we learn that some Gestalts have relapsed into mindless monsters, while others retain their sentience. Of the bosses, field enemies and sidequest shades, which Shades do you see as being sentient and which ones have relapsed?

According to the lore, all Gestalts before the Shadowlord underwent relapse, so there was actually quite a broad swath of mindless monsters out there (the ones that attack during the prologue are all therefore relapsed). After he pacts with Noir he’s the first stable Gestalt, and his body is harvested for the maso particles that he generates, which are somehow distributed to the other Gestalts as they are made in order to stabilize them. There are still a lot of Gestalts that aren’t given this treatment and thus result in the ‘feral’ Shades, but I believe that by the time the game happens most of them have gone extinct. The stable Gestalts were put into stasis to wait out the destruction of the Legion and Red Eyes monsters, to be carried out by the Replicants. The feral Gestalts were still out and about during this time, presumably also engaged in an incidental war with Legion (that is, they’re mindless and violent and these other things are mindless and violent, let’s you and him fight). The prequel game long ago proposed by Yoko Taro involved specifically a small squad of Replicants led by their android overseer going in the kill Red Eyes and end the scourge once and for all. This was basically a sentence-long pitch but my read on the full context was that Legion was the monster du jour and whatever relapsed Shades were out there had largely been eradicated already. There are, of course, still relapsed Gestalts in present day. It’s fairly clear before the game starts that Shades are considered very dangerous, to the point that settlements must be kept small and far apart and walled for their own protection... but they’re still pretty uncommon. That rarity is in part what leads to them being so feared, and that fear is probably stemmed from the main encounters with Shades being with violent, relapsed Gestalts that would randomly attack humans. The stable Gestalts mostly kept holed up in their homes waiting for the promised conclusion of Project Gestalt. There are indications of Shades that are just seen wandering around minding their own business and people retreat and shutter up in fear, but active attacks from Shades are uncommon enough that all of the settlements leave their gates wide open and, other than the Aerie, and there are plenty of conversations about how Seafront and the Village in particular are pretty much untouched by them-- even the three hanging out at the northern entrance are considered ‘concerning’. All that said, I think, over the course of the game, you don’t actually encounter any relapsed Gestalts. The violence in the game starts with an attack on the three child Shades outside the Village. The attack on the bridge crew the next day is likely in retaliation for this act. The next level of Shade activity comes after you free Weiss from the Lost Shrine and indicates that unification will be occurring soon. Some Shades start appearing in the Northern Plains-- they’re hostile but not significantly aggressive unless you attack back (or you’re carrying a fragile package); contrast to later in the game where your appearance on the map basically causes any currently-spawned Shade to start charging your position. The ones in the Aerie are doing their own thing but under a unified goal of trying to forcibly reunite with their bodies-- violent, but still sentient. There are a few out on the Southern Plains as the game progresses, including that big guy who’s killing the deer and is pretty much guaranteed to one-shot you the first time you see him, but if my theory about the sheep killing transfers over this is also a resource deprivation tactic. Seafront has significantly greater resources than anywhere else with its direct access to the ocean, but even they by the second half of the game are talking about the difficulty in getting food. There are a few Shades mentioned in specific sidequests that seem to be acting in peculiarly violent ways, but the two I’ve re-encountered so far -- the bridge Shade and the Seafront postman-eating Shade -- are positioned at choke points where they can easily disrupt trade and correspondence. Their methods are noted as being peculiar, but they’re still intelligent tactics, not random violence. I admit I might simply not be remembering other Shades from sidequests, but by and large, I don’t think so. There are some random Shades just chilling in some weird locations like the Barren Temple-- not really accomplishing anything there-- but if relapsed Gestalts are inclined toward violence it wouldn’t really make sense for them to stay somewhere that nobody actually goes. It’s certainly a possibility, but their behavior is overall consistent with the aggression we see from Shades in the second part of the game, where the Shades are acting under orders and organizing their attacks. The bosses are pretty well confirmed to be stable given the revelations of the Route B, with the only possible exception being Hook-- and I think Hook would be less ‘relapsed’ and more -- to use the scientific vernacular -- ‘bugfuck nuts’. (Tyrann isn’t relapsed -- although he’s kind of a weird case overall -- and he just really likes killin’ people so it’s not out of the realm of possibility for certain Shades to just really like killin’ people.) It has the intelligence to try and trick Kaine into embracing death, and carries out an active conversation to that end so it’s not just mindlessly parroting words even at that point. The only other consideration I might make is the Shades in the weapons facility, less because of their tactics and more because it feels like that would be one of the few places in the game where relapsed Gestalts could theoretically survive. But that also could have been a major location for Gestalt stasis, and either read leaves them all understandably pissed that nobody could figure out how to open the front door, so the difference between ‘relapsed’ and ‘stir crazy’ is negligible at best. So overall, while I believe there are still relapsed Gestalts in the world, I think the game only ever has you fight against any during the prologue (and, technically, during the flashback dream with the fortune teller).

[thebluelemontree]

I don't know if you've already answered a similar question, if you have I apologize and will look better for it. But do you think Sandor and Sansa would still love each with how much they've both changed? They've almost become new people, but still the same beings.

It’s no problem. I’ve written about that here and probably touched on this in many other posts. 

I wouldn’t frame the question as would they “still love each other with how much they’ve both changed.” It implies that their feelings were already understood as love by them when they were together. What they had was a confusing mess of conflicting emotions that neither were fully capable of understanding or accepting at the time. Each had their reasons for why that was so, which goes to some of the issues that stood between them. While there is chemistry, intimacy, and empathy shown, IMO, it’s better to think of them as possessing the building blocks that can lead to love in the future.  

On the other hand, there was also:

The fact that she’s too young, immature, and unready for a consummated romance with anyone. She needs space and time to grow up and figure out what she wants. Until AFFC, she’s still only comfortable consciously fantasizing about Loras Tyrell, who is non-threatening, conventionally attractive, and uncomplicated. They are still relatively chaste/borderline erotic fantasies. The unkiss takes time for her to consciously accept and embrace as reciprocated erotic desire.  

The fact that he has no idea how to express himself without resorting to the language of violence that he understands best.

The fact that he copes with the unresolved childhood trauma and PTSD in unhealthy ways like his abrasive Hound persona, his overly-cynical worldview, and sometimes abusing alcohol when he’s under stress.

His immaturity and inability to simply ask for and accept the emotional support he wants (which she was perfectly willing to give) without freaking out over being vulnerable with someone. 

The fact that they are on opposite sides of a war where Sansa’s family is in open rebellion against her captors who Sandor owes fealty to. 

The fact that she’s the king’s betrothed. She’s his property. To explicitly act upon any romantic attraction would be considered treason, punishable by torture and death.  

The fact that there is a massive class disparity between them that overshadows the age difference in their world. That’s one reason why neither can put a name to this thing between them. A future queen / high lord’s daughter from an ancient house should not be fraternizing with a non-knight from a house only three generations old. That’s why they struggle even knowing what to call each other because using first names shows too much familiarity and intimacy. This would be true even without any of the other conflicts. Class controls everything in Westeros. 

And yes, he still owes her a big heartfelt apology for his abhorrent behavior during the Blackwater, and he should beg her forgiveness.  

Most of these points I elaborate on in more detail in the links above. If you notice, though, most of these things have either been resolved or are in the process of being resolved. None of these issues were ever insurmountable obstacles. 

The ways in which Sansa and Sandor have evolved even in their separation has been largely positive and complementary of each other. They haven’t grown apart or become incompatibly different at all. If anything, it’s pushed their feelings further along, and it’s clear they are very much on each other’s minds. Since we can see Sansa’s perspective firsthand, she’s only thought about Sandor more since he left.  

Sansa has grown and matured a lot more when we see her in the TWOW sample chapter. Had the five-year gap panned out, she would be legally an adult in Westeros; however, dropping it doesn’t seem to have affected GRRM’s intentions for any of his POVs. She’s in the company of unconventional, sexually mature women in their early twenties who can be role models in navigating adult relationships. The sassy way she takes no shit from a brutally honest Harrold Hardyng shows she has confidence and the ability to go toe-to-toe with Sandor’s gruff personality without getting flustered and running away. After she wipes the floor with him with her wit, she ends up winning Harry over to the point he’s begging for her favor. There is no point in the sample chapter where she voices any anxieties about not feeling ready for marriage, sex, or children. This no longer seems to be an issue for her, so we can assume she feels okay with having an adult relationship at this point.   

Her time as a bastard girl has made her warmer and friendlier. She was always kind, but proprieties and courtesies can also read as aloof and re-enforcing strict class boundaries. Can you imagine Kings Landing!Sansa hugging someone like Lothor Brune, a landless knight, as she does in TWOW? Or preferring the company of a sex-positive widow who enjoys taking lovers or a bastard girl over the “perfect sister” she saw in Margaery Tyrell and her cousins? Hell no. That would never happen. This new Sansa lacks those prejudices and is openly affectionate towards people she was raised to keep at arm’s length. Once she loosened up and stopped reciting courtesies, people actually got to know her and like her for who she is. That’s what Sandor always wanted from her, right? To drop the courtesies and flattering bullshit and just be a real person with him, not a talking parrot. While that criticism was harsh and rudely put, it had a lot of truth to it. It seems to have made Sansa into a happier person and more in touch with her authentic self. Now that she has accepted in Feast that she wanted Sandor like that, what is there to stop her from acting on it later?

The Quiet Isle didn’t exist before Feast. It was written for Sandor to recover and rehabilitate. Not just physically, but he’s getting what constitutes psychological counseling and a treatment plan that deals directly with his worst traits. He appears to meet with the Elder Brother often enough because the latter seems to know quite a bit about Sandor’s backstory, what his issues are, and exactly who Sansa Stark is. The rest of the time, he must observe the no talking rule and do meaningful work as a novice. This man, who once flaunted his contempt for those who couldn’t defend themselves as weak and deserving of death, is put to work digging graves for the innocent victims of violence. All day long, he has to look at the faces of men, women, and children killed by evil men with that philosophy. One brother even yells at him for carelessly tossing dirt around with the shovel, and he silently takes it. No smart ass backtalk. In the evening, he has to serve food and clear plates for men he would have once mocked. They’re men of faith, they’ve renounced violence, and Sandor sits lower in status than them. To Sandor’s credit, he humbly submits to all this in a show of respect and humility. It’s like he wants to learn these lessons they are offering and is allowing himself to be schooled. Now Sandor may always be Sandor on some level (if Stranger kicking down the stable doors and refusing to be gelded is any indication). Still, it does look like he’s become a gentler, healthier, and sober version of himself. The only part of Sandor that Sansa rejected was the Hound, and it’s both stated in the text and by George himself that the Hound is dead. Period. And yeah, it seems like Sandor is in a place where he is unlikely to backslide into old behavior, and he can make that heartfelt and necessary apology to Sansa. I don't think Sandor could ever be okay with moving their relationship forward without making amends first. It wouldn't sit right with his sense of remorse and personal responsibility, which is a good thing. 

All these changes are for the better for them as individuals and as a possible future couple. Contrary to your ask, I would say a positive, fully-fledged romance with "HEA" potential wouldn’t be possible or believable without all the growth and changes they've undergone. When they reunite, they can do so on more equal footing. 

Not that there aren’t more conflicts to overcome. They both are currently wanted fugitives for murders they didn’t commit, so they both need to clear their names and reclaim their true identities. There is still the matter of Sansa’s marital status as Tyrion isn’t dead but their marriage was also unconsummated. She could try to have her marriage officially annulled by the Faith somehow, but to do that, she’ll have to take the risk of revealing her true identity. Again, these don’t seem like plots that won’t be resolved anyway at some point. What about that class divide though? Well, the Starks aren’t like Tywin or Cersei, and they actually value things like faithful service. No reason why Sandor couldn’t be awarded a lordship and lands in gratitude for saving the lives of both Arya and Sansa. I’m just sayin’.  

[musicprincess1990]

Sherlolly prompt please? “For science!” and Friends to lovers!

Taken from my Trope Duos prompt list (prompts are now closed).  #16: “For Science!” and, #17: Friends to Lovers.

Two of my absolute favorite tropes together, you’d think it’d be easy to write… but NO, I stared at this prompt for WEEKS before I finally managed this fluffy bit of Teen!lock.  Please forgive my tardiness, and happy reading! (I hope…)

*

For Science

Molly Hooper.

Yes, she would make the perfect test subject.

For some weeks now, Sherlock had been forming an idea in his mind, an idea regarding his future.  He had no desire for the staid and proper career paths to which so many of his peers, and his superiors, subjected themselves.  He much preferred the idea of working on a freelance basis, particularly in regard to his field of choice: criminal justice.  Scotland Yard was out of the question, the “detectives” there were lazy at best, incurably stupid at worst.  No, he would be their consultant, offering a second (superior) pair of eyes whenever they were out of their depth.  It was quite genius, really.

Using the new memory technique he’d learned, Sherlock had begun constructing a palace within his mind, storing any and all information that might be relevant to his career.  Most of it could be found in books, on the internet, or buried within his subconscious, but there was one area in which these methods fell short.  Social and emotional context was best studied on another person, and also in person, with the subject providing both something to observe, and their own descriptions.

Which brought him back to Molly Hooper.  As a young woman who typically wore her heart on her sleeve, the observation aspect would be fairly easy, and despite her being a year behind him, she was in his chemistry class.  Therefore, she would provide much better insight than the other dullards in the school.

Also, there was the matter of her being his only friend.

Not that Sherlock minded, he couldn’t care less what the rest of the idiots in the school thought of him.  They were, as previously stated, idiots, and he aimed to keep such people at as far a distance as possible.  That said, it would be difficult to convince anyone with whom he was not on good terms to assist him in any experiments, much less this particular one.  Fortunately, he did have Molly, and her innate kindness and similar interest in the sciences substantially increased the chances of her accepting.

His decision made, Sherlock waited until lunch and sought her out in the dining hall.  As usual, he found her seated in a corner table, isolated from the rest of their classmates.  Unlike him, Molly actually liked people, but her shy disposition kept her from reaching out to them.  The two of them would never have been friends, had they not been assigned to one another as lab partners.  The year had set off to a rocky start (Molly timid and stammering and occasionally clumsy, Sherlock aloof and insistent that he preferred to work alone), but over time, he had grown to respect her intellect, so obviously above the cattle surrounding them.  In turn, she had found her strength, no longer stammered, and was unafraid of standing up to him.  Granted, some things had been easier before she’d grown a spine, but he found her much more interesting now, and, most surprising of all, she never bored him.

The focus of his thoughts lifted her head as he approached the table, her usual grin curling her lips.  “Hello, Sherlock!” she greeted cheerfully.

He offered a nod of his head, taking the seat opposite her.  “Molly.  Enjoying the roast pork?”

Molly glanced down at the barely-touched meat and gravy on her tray, wrinkling her nose.  “Not particularly, no.  The potatoes are rubbish as well.  Still,” she added, “it’s better than nothing, I suppose.”

“Mm, debatable,” he countered, and she rolled her eyes with a fond smile.

“Well, most of us need to eat regular meals, Sherlock.”

He groaned dramatically.  “How unbearably dull.”

Molly sniggered, then took a purposeful bite of the roast pork, holding his gaze the entire time.  She grimaced, but did not look away, even after she had swallowed the disgusting food.  “There, see?  I’m not afraid of doing unpleasant things.”

Sherlock raised an eyebrow at her in response, then used her bold statement as his means of changing the subject.  “Speaking of which,” he began, “I have rather an unusual experiment I’m hoping to undertake, and I’ll need assistance.  After some consideration, I’ve decided you would be best suited to help me.”

It was Molly’s turn to lift an eyebrow.  “Had to sit and think about that one, did you?”

“Yes, well, I never said it was a lengthy period of consideration, did I?”

Molly speared another bite of pork.  “Right, come on then.  What’s this experiment?”

“Kissing.”

The fork clattered onto the tray, sending several drops of watery gravy splattering in all directions.  Sherlock frowned and scooted backwards to avoid the spray.  “What the hell was that about?”

Molly’s eyes, already bordering on too big for her face, nearly doubled in size.  “Y-you… you want to… that is…”

“Really, Molly, I thought we’d gotten past the stammering by now.”

“Don’t be a git, Sherlock,” she snapped, and he noted with satisfaction that her voice was much steadier.  “Explain yourself.”

Sherlock sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table (thankfully, the gravy eruption had not reached his side of the table).  “You already know my career plans, of course.”  She nodded in confirmation.  “It has recently come to my attention that certain behaviors, certain… reactions… would be most helpful to understand.  Particularly the reactions following specific forms of sexual stimuli.”

Molly blinked a few times.  “So… you want to know what it looks and feels like to be kissed?”

“That’s rather oversimplifying the matter, but… essentially, yes.”

She fixed her eyes on a spot of stray gravy, gnawing thoughtfully on her lower lip.  Sherlock waited, mustering no small amount of patience to do so, knowing if he pressed the matter, she would be far less agreeable.  Finally, she lifted her eyes to meet his.  “This is all just… an experiment?  Strictly for science?”

“Of course,” he nodded.

Molly inhaled slowly, deeply through her nose, and Sherlock saw the decision in her eyes before she vocalized it.  “Okay.  I’ll do it.”

*

Two days later, on an unusually sunny Saturday, Sherlock and Molly took the weekly bus into the nearby town, and made for the most secluded spot available: a little cluster of trees within the town’s small park.  The boughs of four fir trees, standing close together, created a nearly fully enclosed space, the gaps just wide enough to slip through sideways.  Molly grinned to herself at the smell of pine and earth, grateful for the memories and the brief distraction it brought.  Too brief, she mused, as Sherlock sidled in behind her, reminding her of the reason for this unorthodox destination.

Her nerves were sky-high as he invaded her space, his fingers gently closing around her upper arm to turn her around.  Molly didn’t meet his eyes immediately, opting to focus on his shirt buttons (bad idea, they were straining to keep their place against his surprisingly toned torso), counting to three in her mind before finally lifting her head.

…And finding the same nervousness in his face..

“Right,” he murmured, his voice breaking so slightly, she thought she must have imagined it.  “So… shall we?”

Molly swallowed thickly.  “Well, ah…  first let’s… let’s talk about some of the… chemical reactions.  You’ve done, erm, some research on that?”

“Yes,” he said a bit too loudly, clearly grateful for the delay.  He cleared his throat.  “Preliminary research indicates that the act of kissing another human being produces a flood of dopamine, serotonin, and, in cases of great affection in one or both parties, oxytocin.”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded.  “What else?”

“Physiological signs of this release of chemicals include flushed cheeks, dilated pupils, elevated pulse, and labored, erratic breathing.  And, in the male’s case, there may even be an erection.”

Molly fought the embarrassed blush that bloomed beneath her cheeks at his use of… that word.  “Right, well… I think that, erm… just about covers it.”

Sherlock, whose expression had become passive as he recited the science behind kissing, snapped his gaze in her direction.  He looked… well, he looked properly terrified, to be honest, like she’d just told him his mother was coming for an impromptu visit (which had happened once, though the headmaster had been the one to inform him, rather than Molly).  Certainly not for the first time, Molly wondered if this really was such a good idea.  Yes, she’d secretly fancied Sherlock since she clapped eyes on him.  Yes, she’d fantasized about snogging him on numerous occasions, though usually in a more romantic setting.  And yes, she was also aware that this was as close to that fantasy as she would ever get.  But if he was going to be miserable the whole time… she couldn’t do it.

“Look, Sherlock, we don’t have to do this.  I know you want to gain as much knowledge as you can, anything that might help your career, but if you don’t want to kiss me—”

“It’s not that,” he interrupted her, his eyes downcast.

“Oh… then… you do want to?”

“No.”

“No?” she parroted back, just a little bit hurt.

He hesitated, a familiar little crinkle forming between his brows as he pondered this.  Molly had a feeling that crinkle would become much more prominent in a few years, as often as she saw it.  Finally, he looked at her, his crystalline eyes wide and worried.  “I’ve never kissed anyone.”

Molly paused, waiting for the rest of his explanation… but after a few moments of silence, it became clear that that was the whole explanation.  “Well, I sort of knew that… I mean, if you had, you wouldn’t be carrying out a snogging experiment, would you?”

Sherlock was perfectly still for fully ten seconds, before finally asking, “So… you don’t mind?”

“Of course not!” she laughed, taking care that she didn’t come off as mocking him.  “It’s not like I’ve been snogging boys left and right myself.  I’ve only had one real boyfriend, and... well... you know how that turned out.”

“Hm, yes I remember,” he mused.  "How is dear Jim faring in prison, I wonder?"

"Who cares?" she muttered.  "My point is, you don't need to be self-conscious."

"I'm not…" he began, but cut himself off when he saw the look of annoyance Molly gave him.  "Okay, fine.  I may be the slightest bit out of my depth here "

Molly smiled.  "I should be recording this."

"Don't make jokes, Molly."

"Don't be a prat, Sherlock."

"I'm not—" he was cut off again, this time by Molly, who had abruptly grabbed his face and crushed her lips against his.  Sherlock instinctively closed his eyes as his mind raced to process all the new data and stimuli presented to him.

Warm… soft… smells like cinnamon… wonder if she tastes like it too?  As if reading his thoughts, Molly's lips parted on a breathy sigh, and Sherlock slid his tongue out to taste her.  Mmm, yes, tastes like cinnam—oh, God…  Her hands had drifted upward, fingers carding through his hair, and he simultaneously shivered and flushed, heat spreading all the way down to his toes.

In the back of his mind, a voice whispered that he was supposed to be doing something… but for the life of him, he couldn't remember what it was.  All he could think was, not enough.  She wasn't close enough, he wasn't touching her enough.  Well, he soon remedied that, firmly locking his arms around her and lifting her off the ground.  Molly gasped against his lips, and the sound sent another flash of heat through him.  A quiet groan met his ears, and as her wide, startled eyes met his, he realized it had come from him.

They remained still, eyes locked and panting for breath, before Sherlock slowly lowered Molly back to the ground.  His arms dropped limply by his sides, and she took a step backward, avoiding his gaze.  At one point, her eyes did stray in his direction, and the pink blush on her cheeks darkened.  Sherlock followed the trajectory id that embarrassed glance, and found—oh.  Well, he had been enjoying himself, hadn't he?

"I-I’m sorry," she stammered.

He frowned.  "Why on earth are you sorry?"

Molly shrugged one shoulder, still not looking at him.  "I dunno… I just… it's fine," she mumbled quietly as her arms wrapped around her middle.

Sherlock watched her begin to shrink into herself, and felt a painful tug against his navel.  In his current, befuddled state, he did not pause to think about what he was doing, he simply acted.  His hands found her shoulders, gently pulling her back toward him. She stiffened, and he held his breath, as if the slightest puff of air would send her running.  Her dark eyes lifted, and finally, the scientific portion of his brain kicked in, noting the physiological signs in her.  Eyes dilated… face flushed… breathing irregular… his left hand shifted slowly up along her neck… elevated pulse.

He couldn't help the gratified smirk he felt stretching across his face.  Molly's eyebrowed pulled together in confusion.  "I'm afraid the results of this experiment were rather… inconclusive."  Cradling her face in both hands, he bent his head, his intent obvious.  "Further study is required."

Molly grinned, all shyness cast aside, and her fingers toyed with the collar of his coat.  "Well… I suppose I can manage that.  In the name of science," she added with mock seriousness.

Sherlock dove in and captured her lips again, hoisting her up off her feet as he had before.  This time, Molly's legs wrapped around his waist, and she eagerly kissed him back.  And as the endorphins and hormones flooded his brain once more, Sherlock decided this was easily the best idea he'd ever had.

[soft-thrills]

For your prompt request Scully is never stung by the bee, and actually transfers to Utah. After being separated for about a year, their reunion is... I love angst. So if they argue and fight before making up in bed, all the better.

This prompt is LITERALLY 190 days old but............... I wrote it! @ultimatexffan, I hope you see it and I hope you like it. It accidentally wound up crazy long, but here we are. 

Apologies -- it’s not beta read, and I’m a little wine-drunk. But I’m back to writing fic, maybe?! 

Title: Welcome Home

Rating: 18+, but for me, it’s pretty tame.

“no matter where you sleep tonight

or how far you run

oh, she’s the one”

-bruce springsteen, “she’s the one”

*

In the hallway, he waited for her to come to her senses. When it was clear she wouldn’t, he waited for something to interrupt them -- to interrupt her, to stop her from leaving. When that didn’t happen, he kissed her. And she kissed him back, soft and sweet and sad. 

And then, Dana Scully repeated herself: “I gotta go.”

He wanted to say: “I love you.” But he was afraid she’d think he was only saying it to keep her here.

“Go,” he said, not a command, but more as a question, like he’d never heard the word before, like he couldn’t understand, because, well, he couldn’t. 

But she went. He watched as she walked down the hallway. She didn’t glance back in his direction. A week later, she was on the other side of their big, mysterious, malevolent country.

*

He found cases that took him to Utah. She found reasons not to see him. She just had to do this autopsy hours away from Salt Lake City. She was visiting her mom that week, how unlucky. She was in San Diego with her brother. 

Diana tried to join him on the X-Files. He found reasons not to let her. Diana tried to join him in bed, too. Sometimes, he ran out of reasons not to let her. 

A year went by. Then, after a basketball game at the gym, he pulled his cellphone out of the locker to see that she'd left him a voicemail.

“Um, hi, Mulder, it’s me. I mean, it’s Scully. I… I’m in DC. I wanted to see if you can meet for a drink tonight. Sorry for the short notice -- no pressure, if you have plans, or… I’d love to see you. Ok. Bye.”

He had felt fine after the basketball game. But suddenly, he was winded.

*

He asked her to come to a bar near his apartment. Testing her, maybe. Wishful thinking, maybe. But she said yes.

He got there early, with a plan to nurse a beer and get a booth with a view of the door and wait for her. But as he walked in the door he remembered his partner was a detail-oriented overachiever and she, somehow, had managed to arrive even earlier than he had, despite him living four minutes away from this bar.

There were two beers on the table in front of her.

“Hey,” she said, simply, like the last year never happened. “First round is on me.”

*

She looked the same, with more freckles, probably from the Utah sun. She doesn’t look a year older. Her hair is a little bit longer than it was when he put his hand at the base of her neck and kissed her in the hallway. Maybe an inch. She was dressed like she’s been at work, even though it was a Saturday.

“So, Agent Scully, master pathologist of the western desert, what brings you back to the swamp?”

“Officially? I am seeking a transfer back to DC, and my chances look pretty good now that the fallout from the bombing has died down.”

His heart thudded in his chest.

“Unofficially?” he asked, taking her bait. 

“Unofficially,” she paused, took a sip, the kind of sip you take when you’re going to admit something. “Unofficially, I missed you, Mulder.”

He grinned.

“I missed you, too.”

*

They had another beer. And another. A shot of tequila. It was Saturday, what was the harm. Diana called him four times. He didn’t answer. Scully didn’t pry. 

“Do you wanna go back to my place?” he asked, determined this time to say the things he wanted to, whatever she thought of them.

“Is it still as messy as a frat house?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Then yes,” she replied.

*

It was not frat-house messy, it was lonely-FBI-agent messy, but he didn’t want to argue.

Which is funny, because within five minutes of crossing his threshold, they were arguing.

“So why come back now, Scully? Something happen in Utah?”

“No,” she said, nursing a beer he had pulled out of the fridge. “I never wanted to leave, Mulder. I was ordered to. I saw my first opportunity to come back and I’m taking it.”

That’s a great answer, he thought to himself, except for it not making sense. They were sitting on the couch, and the television was playing Plan Nine from Outerspace on mute. 

“It seemed like you wanted to leave,” he said, unable to let it go, to not dissect what the fuck had happened here, which really is supposed to be the pathologist’s job.

“I wanted to remain gainfully employed and in possession of my service weapon, that much is true.”

“You didn’t say goodbye. You wouldn’t see me when I was out west. You acted like — like it was nothing, no big deal, to leave.”

“Mulder —”

“Why didn’t you fight for it, Scully? If you didn’t want to go.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, and that’s where things went south.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t. Because I wouldn’t have left the X-Files. I wouldn't have left you.”

Her eyes grew wide and it took him a couple seconds to realize it was anger he saw in them. 

“Mulder, maybe you wouldn’t have left the X-Files, but leaving me was practically a hobby for you,” she said, and he could tell there was more than just a year’s worth of anger behind the words, that this was something she’d been angry about even before that Dallas office building had been blown to bits.

“I don’t understand —”

“I meant what I told you in the hallway, Mulder — that I’d been holding you back. But I meant it because your behavior had led me to believe it, to believe that you didn’t need me. And maybe it hit me harder when I realized I wasn’t your first partner on the X-Files — but that I was the first that wasn’t always on your side. And it made me wonder if that’s why sometimes I’d get left behind, or be out of the loop, or feel like no matter what I gave up, you didn’t see me as having an equal stake in our work.”

“Scully, I meant what I told you — I did need you. I do need you. You are on my side,” he insisted.

She ignored that point, working her way back around to his last one.

“You’re right, Mulder, that I didn’t fight it after the transfer came down. But the truth is, when the time came, you didn’t fight for me. How long can you fight to be somewhere you’re not sure you’re wanted?”

Want. Want. What does he want? He wants the same thing he wanted in that hallway. 

“I wanted you Scully. Then. And I want you now.”

“You don’t have to do this. I’ve already decided to come back to our work, because I owe it to myself and what I’ve lost—”

“I’m not talking about work, Scully,” he said, voice low and deliberate. “Don’t you remember what happened in that hallway? Because I replay it every damn day.”

She nodded.

“What about Diana?” she asked.

“She’s not on The X-Files.”

“I’m not talking about work,” she parroted his line back. “She’s got a toiletry bag in your bathroom. Her initials are monogrammed on it.”

His Scully, noticing everything, taking her little notes.

“It’s nothing. It’s over. It was over the minute I got your voicemail.”

He could tell she was thinking, deciding, but he suspected she had made her decision when she called him — when she made sure her hair was perfect and her neckline plunging and her lipstick routinely and carefully reapplied all night. She came back to claim more than just her job.

She was literally wringing her hands, restless, staring down at them. Finally she turned him, and despite her earlier anger, what he saw in that moment was wide-open vulnerability. 

“How do I know that you’re telling me the truth?”

Before he even knew what he was doing, he had closed the small distance between them and kissed her. Not like the hallway. A kiss to leave no room for doubt. A hand against her delicate cheek, the other wrapped in the soft hair at the base of her neck. Not a goodbye. A beginning. 

“Does that feel like a lie, Scully?”

She looked shocked, thrilled, wearing an open-mouthed smile that reminded him of their first case, when she’d laughed at him in the pouring rain. 

“I want to believe,” she quipped. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” he said, good naturedly, and the sound of her laughter filled the few seconds before their mouths connected again.

*

He scooped her into his arms and carried her toward his bedroom.

“I always thought it would be on the couch,” she said.

“Do you want me to turn around?” 

“I want you to fuck me. The specifics are not particularly important,” she said.

“Jesus Christ, Scully,” he said as he tossed her onto his bed.

“No point in pretending otherwise, Mulder. We’ve pretended long enough.”

He stared, slack-jawed, as she shucked off her jeans. He’d imagined sex with Scully many times, many ways, and he had not expected her to be shy. He had seen this woman grab criminals by the collar, wring the truth out of them. Still, he was struck by her boldness, felt cause to match her bravado.

“I spent every day in that basement office pretending, Scully. Pretending I didn’t want to bend your perfect little ass over my desk--”

“By the way, you’re getting me a desk,” she cut in.

“What did I tell you about shutting the fuck up?” he asked.

She grinned. “Make me.”

So he kissed her again. He felt her perfect, capable little hands in his hair. He reached under her lithe body and gripped her ass, the one he had just been talking about. 

He broke away from her only to pull his shirt over his head. She used the time to take hers off, and there she was, in just her bra and her underwear. Her fingers nimbly unfastened his button fly, then gripped the denim and his boxer briefs at once and pulled them down, down, down, until he was naked before her. 

Mulder had never felt so desired as he did in that moment, watching Scully as her eyes raked over every inch of his body.

“My turn to see you,” he said.

He unhooked her bra and pulled it away, slid her panties down, fingernails scratching gently along her legs. 

And there they were, naked, in his bed. And as usual, they started talking over each other.

“Can I touch you--”

“Mulder, touch me before I shoot you.”

He gripped her breasts, kissed her clavicle. She arched up into him. His fingers traveled lower, lower, dared to dip between her legs, where she was so wet and so soft and so warm. Scully, his Scully. A day ago, he thought he might never see her again. Now, she was in his bed. 

“I’m sorry I ever let you think I didn’t want you, Scully.”

“Show me,” she said. “Show me that you do.”

He slid inside her then, one thrust, and she cried out, and so did he. 

They stared at one another, a little in awe. Happy. After all that had happened, despite all that would happen in the future, in that moment they were just happy.

“I’m really glad you came home, Scully,” he said.

“Me too.”

[memo1005]

can you (or someone else who sees this ask and wants to) pls break down why azula wasn't abusive to zuko? because i keep seeing people say that and it's SO fucking irritating but I don't know how to properly explain why that's wrong

Hi! 

First of all, I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and my thoughts are my own, and they’re based on online reading, but I will give my two cents.

For me, Azula and Zuko’s relationship is a prime example of toxic sibling rivalry, not abuse. If one was to adopt a strict black and white view on it without any sort of bias then one can say that Azula and Zuko were mutually abusive to each other by the end of the war especially after all the violence they used on one another. Imo, it is not so easy to conclude this--that they were abusive to each other or Azula was abusive to Zuko--because violence and repression of empathy were vital in their culture, and Ozai actively encouraged their rivalry. Both children thought it was the norm.  

Let’s divide Azula and Zuko’s relationship in terms of childhood and teen years.

During their childhood, one can see that Azula was definitely a smart mouth and a very mischievous child. In Zuko Alone, they are in the school-aged years, but being 11 and 9, they are not at their full development (thanks for the correction @captain-azoren). Their inductive and deductive reasoning is just developing. So when Azula taunts Zuko that he is weak or he will never catch up to her, it is not Azula herself who formulated these thoughts. She is parroting Ozai. Even though Azula was a precocious child, I find it hard to believe she came up with these thoughts on her own. 

For it to be abuse, there must also be intent to harm. I doubt she also had the intent to harm at that age. For me, those words from Azula were meant to let the audience know what Ozai thinks of Zuko privately because she is privy to Ozai and so she parrots his words to Zuko. 

When Azula brings up the subject of Zuko’s death as per Ozai’s orders, she is being a child, a child who doesn’t understand the gravity of Azulon’s order because, in the next breath, she says that maybe Zuko can find a family in the Earth Kingdom. Imo, she did not think it seriously will happen, and at that point, she does not fully understand that death is not abstract. 

From online sources, for a sibling rivalry to count as abuse, there must be an enduring pattern. Now, Zuko says, “Azula Always Lies”, but we don’t know how often that happened. Zuko Alone is an episode meant for the audience to empathize with Zuko, but it is also an episode where we learn that Zuko is biased when it comes to his sister. Because even when Azula tells the truth that Ozai is gonna kill Zuko, he doesn’t believe her because of his own bias and he repeats the statement to himself for comfort. So while it was a comforting statement to him, “Azula Always Lies” is not in any way, accurate.

Young Zuko did not also fear Azula like an abused victim would an abuser. In Zuko Alone, he didn’t shy away when he called her a liar or that she’s sick. He gave as good as he got. They reciprocated each other’s toxicity. Also, Zuko did not want to play with her in one flashback, but he was fine when he was already in her presence, and they had good memories too (laughing about burning the Earth Kingdom and playing in the gardens).  Even as a teen, Zuko did not fear Azula. He even taunted her when she was mentally struggling in their last Agni Kai. Their toxicity was mutual.

Now, let’s move onto their teen years. 

Some people already say that Azula smirking during the Agni Kai is proof of abuse, but I’ll repeat a previous statement I’ve made in another post: Is that so important to note? Zuko himself did not react when Azula was falling to her death in the Southern Raiders nor did he react when she was crying and hurt on Sozin’s Comet. So yeah, Azula smiling during his Agni Kai isn’t special especially when you note everyone else in that scene is smiling too aside from Iroh. That’s FN culture for you. 

The first time Azula and Zuko fight on Azula’s ship, Azula taunts Zuko (along the lines of “Why would Ozai want a failure back?”). Now that has harm to intent especially since Azula was 14 at that point, but is that so important to point out especially when in the next second, Zuko attacked her? With the same intent to harm?

In their teen years, Zuko definitely had more antagonistic feelings toward Azula than Azula did him. She extended him olive branches in Books 2 and 3 which he did not recognize as such. She was very civil toward him when he came back to the palace and actually did behave like a sister to him in The Beach. 

I think it’s hard to say Azula was abusive to Zuko because imo, all of Azula’s actions at 9 were of a child so I don’t really count that. We also don’t know the extent of it and because the episode Zuko Alone is not a reliable narrative. Imo, Azula and Zuko were not together enough for it to be abuse, and they likely drifted away from one another entering their teen years and then Zuko was gone.

From one source, “Squabbles, jealousy, unwillingness to share, and competition are normal sibling behaviors. Fighting between equals can be, too. Rivalry is reciprocal and the motive for is for parental attention versus harm and control.” 

So sibling rivalry makes more sense to me than abuse because Azula and Zuko were both being toxic to each other to gain Ozai’s attention and in Azula’s case, Ursa’s too. If you take Ozai away, there would be no sibling rivalry or Azula and Zuko being toxic to each other.

ETA: Just to summarize if one subscribes to the view that Azula abused Zuko then everything should be neutral, and those same rules should also apply to Zuko, but I doubt many would be comfortable to say that about Zuko because people coddle him too much and often erase his complexity. He did do war crimes like Azula; he grew up on violence like her and did not hesitate to engage in that even in Book 3.

But since there are other factors in play, and we don’t know details aside form Zuko Alone, I would conclude it was toxic sibling rivalry instead.

Other blogs like @wish-i-was-fiction @wingsfreedom @eshusplayground @captain-azoren @salixj likely have more metas/thoughts on this. 

@wingsfreedom also rec’d this meta

[clarenecessities]

so shit’s fucked

here is a timeline

09/03/2019.

two people in a 70 person server discuss the SU movie in the general chat channel, using spoiler tags because it had just recently been released. this lasts five posts.

09/07/2019.

alyson comes into the general chat channel and says man, isn’t it a bummer that SU is n*zi apologia and racist and actively harmful?

Donnie says yes, it’s harmful, but drop the n*zi comment because RS is jewish (alyson does not, then or the other two times donnie asks, despite donnie being jewish himself). He later says he doesn’t care about SU at all

Synth says it’s understandable that people would drop the show because of poor handling or the racism issues, but agrees that n*zi is too far when there’s genuine propaganda out there

Beta says yes, the writers could have handled things better, but reducing the message of the show to “n*zi good” is a deliberate misinterpretation

A fourth person comes in briefly to say they also don’t care about SU and that this should probably be in the discourse channel.

About halfway through the conversation, after his second request to stop calling SU apologia was met with a sourceless insistence that other jewish people criticized it (though alyson did not specify whether they used the term n*zi apologia), Donnie told her she was taking this very personally, which Alyson met with “Am I? I said a thing, said it was unpopular, and left it. and then got swarmed?”

At this point she held ~46% of the conversation.

She then abruptly left, saying, “like. Hooooboy, there's so much assuming and passion and defensiveness going on here, so I guess I'll leave since I've seen this all before and know for a fact that no one is going to let it rest.“

She held 41% of the final conversation. Everyone who weighed in was either explicitly open to criticizing SU or completely indifferent, and were simply asking her not to refer to the work of a Jewish nb woman as n*zi apologia.

09/10/2019

Alyson writes a post. The introduction is more or less “if you uncritically like SU, unfollow me” and goes on to say she underestimated how few people in the neopets fandom recognize its harmfulness. She says she’d been thinking about leaving the Neolodge discord for a while, but her mind was made up on the 3rd when she saw "a lot of hype and support" (5 posts), four full days before she posted in the general chat. She says she "was swarmed by questions asked by people who didn't want to hear [her] answers." (there were two questions asked of her: “did you just kind of want to get mad at us for enjoying steven universe?” and “were you venting?")

She says that SU is her “litmus test” of sorts, implying--possibly by accident--that she was then testing the Neolodge by dangling some SU-discoursey bait. 

The post was tagged #the problem isn’t liking a thing and #it's denying anyone from not-liking it for very valid reasons

Except the problem was demonstrated to be specifically that she was asked not to use a particular term to describe that not-like

7 months later, 4/16/2019

There is a Neolodge board on our own neopets.gov. Alyson shows up and is polite & sociable until more people that she recognizes filter in. She neomails hollis to broach the subject of what had happened in september, saying “from what i remember it was mostly synth who was very reactionary and aggressively posting at me because i criticised steven universe“ which, if you’ll review the logs, is both not about synth, who only posted twice (probably an honest mistake), but also grossly mischaracterizes the nature of the incident. Over the next day or so she and Hollis discuss the nature of the lodge and what transpired in September. Hollis emphasizes that the Neolodge has never been a place for bigots or their sympathizers, and Alyson goes radio silent.

4/24/2019

Alyson writes a new post. It tells a different narrative than we see play out in the logs. Her summary of events is as follows:

So, when wondering on the chat if anyone else was critical of the franchise, instead the chat suddenly sped up and i was swarmed by a bunch of anti-criticism fans who almost immediately -instead of reading my beginning attempts to elaborate on where i was coming from- posted over and over again that rebecca sugar is a marginalized voice and as such, immune to criticism, and how dare I insinuate a jewish woman of writing nazi apologia.

To reiterate, she began a discussion. Every person who responded was either openly critical of SU or indifferent. They were not suggesting RS is immune to criticism because she’s marginalized; they were in fact largely agreeing with the criticisms that Alyson raised, but asking her to be more conscious of the impact her choice of terms could have (and in fact was having).

I (a neurodivergent, mentally ill, pansexual aromantic woman, aka also a marginalized voice) was talked over and treated as if i ate babies. Obviously, I left the neolodge discord after that.

Again, she held 41% of the conversation--and by her own admission had already been planning to leave the Neolodge, and had thrown down this final ‘litmus test’ despite not wanting to engage with the results.

Now, obviously marginalization isn’t a contest. There’s no “I have more problems” or “I have worse problems” that will ever get us anywhere constructive. As I said in my own reply to her post, this was not a matter of RS being untouchable because she’s marginalized, but of Alyson’s behavior when asked not to draw the comparison between RS’s work and literal N*zi apologia.

Hollis refused to read and think about what i had said and the information i linked to, despite apparently going back in the discord chat and viewing the whole mess, where i had also laid out information to back up my observations.  Instead, my voice talked over, my words and concerns discarded, I was treated as if I had committed some heinous act, and if i had changed as a person then maybe they might let me back in to the neolodge.

Now being privy to the entire conversation, I can assure anyone reading this that Hollis read & thought about everything Alyson said very seriously. We had an in-depth and nuanced discussion, and ultimately realized that this was not simply a matter of whether or not SU is a poorly handled cartoon or full-on apologia. It was a matter of Alyson’s unwillingness to engage in a discussion she herself began, her repeated refusals to respect the comfort and wishes of our Jewish members, and her later misconstruals of the conversation as a ‘bombardment’.

Alyson insists she did not call RS a n*zi, and that critiquing the show is not equivalent to doing so, but unfortunately ended that thought with this:

Words mean things: look up apologia.

Now, I’ve already pointed this out, but apologia means “a formal written defense of one’s opinions or conduct.” Thus, every time Alyson has insisted SU is actual, literal N*zi apologia, she means that a Jewish nonbinary woman conceived of and executed an explicit defense of fascism, n*zis, the H*locaust, regardless of how involved she was or wasn’t in the production of the show itself.

Personally, I choose to believe that Alyson herself is unaware of the definition, and instead meant that SU makes excuses for fascism, or alludes to n*zis, or much gentler (if still harmful) language. I choose to believe that she’s conflating it with an apology, and simply didn’t follow her own advice.

The Neolodge is home to actual children/minors/underage people and most of the people in the incident were younger than 21. That is children.  I was getting annoyed at young non-adults. 

This is blatantly false. The Neolodge has always been a minor-free space, and there’s been discussion of upping the minimum age to 20. That Alyson herself is 30 may have skewed her perception, but as you can see in our response to this angry anon, we have always been concerned with the protection of minors & the promotion of a safe, comfortable atmosphere.

Alyson goes on to say that she had liked & trusted Hollis, and this came with no prior warning--presumably because Hollis had been polite and even friendly when she came to our board, and they hadn’t interacted much over the previous months since her exit from the discord.

So if you’re like me, and don’t put up with bullshit, and refuse to lie down and let bigotry get further footholds into western culture and be lauded for it, consider staying away from the neolodge and users like hollis and synthaphone

I still don’t quite understand how we got here, tbh. People standing up against a stark refusal to respect someone’s comfort as a Jewish person has somehow been skewed to mean they’re the bigots, and “western culture” is in danger, specifically from this gay nb & their nefarious lesbian pal, who spoke the least of anyone in the conversation.

I can’t speak to what’s going through her head right now. I don’t even know if she read the replies enough to know she was spreading misinformation about the Lodge’s age restrictions, let alone her (hopefully accidentally) drawing an obliquely antisemetic portrait of RS. I’m not even mad at her at the moment so much as confused. I genuinely don’t understand her rationale or what she thinks would motivate us to do the things she says we’ve done. I don’t think she’s a bad person, or even that her actions would be unfair if the situation were what she’s purported it to be.

But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. She tried to start a fight seven months ago and has been hanging onto it since, convinced that she was in the right, never considering the express opinions of the people she claimed were so passionate about the show she so loathes. She’s attempting to drag Hollis’s name through the mud because they were kind enough to give her a chance to explain her side of things & she squandered it by instead parroting the talking points of the video we had all watched back in September, when she originally posted it.

She’s throwing Synth in for good measure, because they’re the only person she could be bothered to identify.

It’s not a true account of events, she made no effort to have a good-faith conversation at any point (particularly about her own behavior), and frankly it’s unfair. It’s easy to dump snippets of DMs and announce that you’re blocking anyone who disagrees with you, sure--it can even be good for you. But in this case it’s more of what we saw all those months ago in the discord, when she tried to stir the pot and left after scarcely 30 posts had gone by; it’s cowardice. It’s a way to frame the narrative in such a way that she can maintain her illusion of moral superiority, secure in the knowledge that everyone who has criticized her or her behavior is a bigot and and writes n*zi "apologia” apologia.

She’s isolating herself from the community one group at a time, and I still don’t know why, because she won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk to any of us about anything that isn’t SU, and I don’t care about SU. I care about her & her motivations, and I’m starting to accept I’m never going to truly know either.

[letitgoandneverlookback]

Thoughts on the Connor Army you might wanna read before you get involved

I need to say this and I don’t know where else to say it, so here we go.

I have been a fan of Detroit Become Human since it came out. I have been following DechartGames since the beginning. I will not share more details with you than that because none of them are necessary and I’m sure this post will be met with resistance.

In the beginning, the community was small, but enthusiastic. Highly inappropriate at times towards Bryan (general thirsty comments in chat, things the mods dealt with), but generally okay. I can’t say I’m enamored of the main mods in the community since I truly believe one in particular uses the community as a means to boost their own platform and uses their association with the Decharts as a means to lord over everything the community ever does. This has been that way from the beginning, but I thought I could overlook it.

Honestly? I can’t. Because I can’t stand by and act like there isn’t some extreme cult-like behavior going on here. Do I think the the Connor Army is a cult? No. Do they act like it? Yeah and it’s getting worse.

To be clear, I don’t blame Bryan or Amelia for this. In fact, I don’t think they’re even readily aware of it because they’re just trying to make a living. I can understand that and pass no judgment over either of them. However, I do think Bryan plays favorites. Mainly to his mods or anyone who’s willing to stroke his ego over DBH or something he’s done in general. I do think one of his moderators is constantly buzzing in his ear about members of community about who’s worthy or attention and who isn’t. But whatever. Not what I’m here to discuss, though I do find it somewhat troubling.

What I find MORE troubling however, is that none of the community members seem to have any interests other than Detroit Become Human or the Decharts themselves. Their social media accounts are RIDDLED with content regarding them. Granted, one can have a social media account based around anything one likes. Fandom, business, whatever. But I’ve been around a while. I’ve seen people’s interests and personalities change to suit the mentality and interests of the group.

A close friend of mine is still deeply involved with the community and is a Twitch streamer herself. She only ever seems to post about Bryan or what Bryan’s doing. She only ever plays games based off what Bryan’s playing and gets discouraged when she doesn’t get raided or get a lot of viewers from within the community. Everything in her life revolves around this channel. Every game, every conversation, every Twitter post. Her streams sometimes function as a waiting room so she can raid when DechartGames goes live. Friends she’s had from before don’t seem to matter as much anymore. Me included. It hurts because I knew who she was before all this and I’ve all but ceased contact with her because I don’t know what else to do. 

Again, NOT blaming Bryan or Amelia. If anything, I blame the hive mentality because I’ve had other people say the same thing about losing friends to this, but I don’t know if there’s anywhere to lay blame in the first place.

I do, however, blame myself for giving as much money to the community as I have.

Because I’ve noticed something as of late and that’s the fact that if you gift sub or cheer or donate, you’re far more likely to get noticed. Which is exciting! “Hey! The guy that played Connor recognized me?! OMG!”

It was fun for a minute. It felt good. I believed in the community and the friends I’d made. I still do regarding some people. I wanted to give people access to the emotes because in all honesty, they’re clever and cute and I wanted to make other community members smile as much as I wanted to be noticed.  Fast forward two years later, though, and it kinda seems like they just want you to sub. They don’t care who you are or how long you’ve been around. Just maintain that air of false positivity and kindness and PAY.

So did I have to give out all those gift subs? No. That’s on me. But do I regret it? Boy howdy, do I.

I remember an instance where this girl’s name was repeatedly pronounced wrong. He’d been corrected a number of times on how to say it - not by HER, but by people in the chat and Amelia herself. His response to it was to look into the camera like he’d just been stabbed in the leg and said “K.” Funny way to apologize there, but okay.

But that’s what brings me to this point - you can’t speak out. You can’t have an opinion that differs from the community’s. You can’t tell jokes that the community might take the wrong way. Whatever Bryan or Amelia say, you have to (rare) parrot it. If you call bullshit on one of the mods, you get blacklisted. If they raid you and you don’t react to the raid with tears and happiness, you didn’t do it right. If you say “Hey, this is how you pronounce my name,” you get met with sarcasm unless you happen to be part of the special club cultivated by the mods.

Who, by the way, call themselves the Modfia. As in mafia. Needless to say, that doesn’t paint an encouraging picture in the minds of some and for good reason. Tweets and reddit posts get deleted anytime someone says anything remotely negative about the community. I’d even venture to guess people are scared to speak up for fear of the backlash since I can think of at least 3 or 4 people from the beginning who’ve since deleted their Twitters.

I guess what I’m saying at the end of this very long rant is that the community will do as it pleases. They can have moderators who act like enforcers and they can perpetuate forced positivity while playing games they only half care about. I just hope people learn to think about what’s going on and come out on the better end of it all. I hope Bryan finds that shy, easygoing guy that did the Heavy Rain playthroughs and call him up sometime. And I hope Amelia does well in all aspects of life. 

All in all, I’d rather see things get better instead of worse. And something is seriously rotten in Denmark. It was a good community once. There are still good people in it. Just don’t go around thinking the streamers/actors or mods are the be all and end all.

[airingxofxgrievances]

Part 2: The initial flare-up.

It had been about two weeks since my daughter was born. I had immediately unfriended my mother from all social media accounts, and I hadn't spoken to or texted her since she sent the Anti-Mask text. My husband had (IMO: generously) sent birth info and baby pictures along.

She was clearly aware that something was wrong, but she was characteristically clueless and had not even the vaguest inkling that she could be at fault. She sent me this text:

"Just so you know, kiddo, I have absolutely no idea as to what set you off again."

What set you off again. She tends to do this. She has this idea in her head that I'm an irrational ticking time bomb, that I constantly seem to explode out of nowhere, with no real catalyst. That's because, in her mind, she has never done anything wrong, ever, and refuses to apologize for anything, let alone entertain the thought that she could be at fault. We've had multiple conversations over the years about how she has hurt me, and she refuses to hear me every time. Calling them conversations is generous. I explain how her behavior has been hurtful, and she either wails like a banshee and throws an Oscar-worthy performance of woe, or, more frequently, refuses to accept that anything I've said could be true and doubles down on the behavior that caused the rift in the first place.

You can see how we've been heading to this place for quite some time. I've always known we'd wind up here. I was so certain of it, in fact, that when I was pregnant with our son I had several conversations with my husband about whether it's best to keep him away from my parents so that when the relationship eventually dissolves he won't miss them because he won't have known them.

You see, my parents are deceptive. When you first meet them you think they're the most charming people you've ever met. You think my mother is kind and welcoming, and that my father is smart and witty. But eventually they show their true faces. It would be hard for a kid to understand that his grandparents are self-absorbed fascists who live in an alternate reality and care more about money and right-wing principles than they do about protecting human life. But clearly my husband won the argument, although he now wishes he hadn't, and my son has a relationship with his grandparents.

But like I said, I'd always known this was coming. I'm embarrassed to say that I did not draw the line at communicating with them over their support for Trump despite kids in cages and roll-backs of LGBTQ+ protections, or their parroting of racist All Lives Matter rhetoric. I mean, I told my husband that my parents were terrible people and that we should stop communicating with them, but he was adamant that they were family and you don't give up on family. But it was time to draw the line. There would be no risking the health and safety of my kids. I was pissed, and she was about to hear about it.

I texted back:

"I know, and that's part of the problem. Your behavior is absolutely inexcusable and you have no idea. We were counting on you for something serious, and you put your Republican Fox News 'my right to not be mildly inconvenienced is more important than caring about other human beings' brainwashed bullshit over the actual health and safety of other people, including the newborn granddaughter that you claim to care about. And there was no apology for leaving us to scramble to find a backup plan, either. You showed terrible judgment and were not there for us and did not remotely care about taking the proper precautions because you have fucked up priorities and do not live in reality anymore. Just imagine if during the Blitz there were people in London who said 'It's my right to keep my lights on, and the bombing doesn't kill that many people anyway.' The complete and total disregard for science and safety that you two are displaying is unconscionable. 'I've never worn a mask and I won't do it.' Absolutely disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself, but you're too goddamn brainwashed by right-wing bullshit to understand that. "

Oh, it was on like Donkey Kong. She replied:

"And you are too damned brain washed by your political sway. I often find the things that you post to be despicable and downright embarrassing. But I always look beyond that to see other parts of you. I don't know who you think you are, but you don't get to tell me how to live my life or what is right and wrong. You don't have many more years with us... we're getting old. I am so over walking around on eggshells because I might upset you. I will always love you no matter how ridiculous I think your views are, but you don't return the courtesy. Not sure how to fix that."

I kept the argument focused on the issue at hand, rather than letting her kitchen sink it. I replied:

"Masks should not be political. It's science. It's about health and safety and caring about other people. I understand that you don't like my posts, but that's irrelevant here. We're talking about you failing to take the absolute minimum health and safety precautions to be able to safely meet your granddaughter. You can live your life however you want, but I'll be damned if you're putting my family at risk because you refuse to listen to science. Your behavior displays a selfishness and lack of regard for the actual lives of other human beings, INCLUDING YOUR OWN FAMILY, that is so disgusting I can't even begin to fathom it. You straight-up don't care about other people, and until that changes we have nothing to talk about."

She doubled down on the Anti-Mask nonsense and referenced having "studied the science." Yeah, right. You'd think if you had information that would prove your point, and that's the only thing standing in the way of you seeing your grandkids, then you'd share that information. We're four months into this fight, and, despite me asking for it multiple times, she has yet to send me a single piece of anything to back up her claim, not even so much as a meme. Anyway, she replied:

"You are right. We don't have anything to talk about because you are not ready to listen and be objective and realize I have a brain and can read scientific studies as well. You jump to conclusions and don't care about anyone else's views. You are not right about me and I feel sorry for you because you've wasted years missing out on what could have been happy family times due to your misguided way of thinking. So you are correct, we have nothing to talk about...you can't talk if no one is listening. And since it's pretty clear how you feel, I guess we won't be included in your life. I only hope you are a decent enough human being to not poison (my son's) mind against us."

Ah, classic. How dare anyone challenge the queen. How dare anyone ask her to deign to explain herself. Not once in the 36 years that I've been alive has she ever explained her position on anything. I have, on several occasions, told her that I would like us to have some discussions about our points of view so that we can understand each other better, and she has flat out said no. But I gave her a chance. I replied:

"So if I'm not right about you, explain to me what I don't understand. You don't ever do that. You refuse to actually talk about anything, even when I tell you we should try to understand each other."

Radio silence. As expected. Situation fucked up. Situation normal.

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Handmaid's Tale: Unfit (3x08)

Um. Well, that happened. That certainly was... something.

Cons:

Can we talk for a second about the utterly clumsy way this show deals with race? It makes me cringe every time. For the most part, they try to pretend this is a totally post-racial society, but obviously they can't pull that off. And then they have some casual moment where Aunt Lydia tells some other aunts that a certain couple doesn't want a "handmaid of color," so clearly casual racism is not only present here, but also condoned by the elite. Because, duh. Gender politics cannot exist separate from racial politics. And yet this show is not willing to grapple with what that means.

Especially considering June, who is the Whitest of White Feminists in this episode, and honestly, throughout the whole show. Her plot armor is seriously becoming a problem for me. June and the other Handmaids are open and unsubtle in their shunning of Ofmatthew, because they are all furious with her for turning in the Martha who was helping June. What happened to the first season, when the rebellion was deep, deep in the shadows? Now the majority of the Handmaids are allowed to be insolent. And then June is even more insolent, right to Aunt Lydia's face. She seems to think that her usefulness as publicity in the hunt for Nichole will protect her, and... that seems to be true, for some reason. But why? June could be flogged, or she could be castrated, or any other number of horrible things that would be invisible to a camera. June's cocky self-assured attitude is only made more frustrating by the fact that she seems to be right about being weirdly untouchable.

There were some things in this episode that I liked as individual pieces, but I'm still frustrated with these aspects as I look at the episode as a whole. For example, the idea of Ofmatthew cracking under the strain of her public shaming, in conjunction with her fear for her pregnancy, is a totally reasonable avenue to explore. But since we haven't spent any real time getting to know Ofmatthew, it feels instead like this big blow-out at the end of the episode is all just a part of June's story, instead of the story of a woman with her own story to tell. There was potential here, and there were moments that came close to tapping in to that potential, but the reality fell short. There are also two other reasons that the ending of this episode, particularly Ofmatthew's death, annoys me, and they are the two reasons discussed in earlier paragraphs.

1) We're seriously going to end two episodes in a row with the death of a black woman while June looks on, untouched by the physical consequences of her own actions? Yeesh. 2) She's pregnant. I give the show props for making me gasp when Ofmatthew got shot, because even as I critique this episode, I will acknowledge that I have very much bought in to the universe they've created. I was shocked that a pregnant Handmaid would be shot, because... it's shocking, and despite that moment of adrenaline, it's ultimately a stupid call for the writers to have made. Aunt Lydia is not as valuable as a pregnant Handmaid. Part of the visceral horror of Season One was the idea that the Handmaids would be punished physically and psychologically, but they never had to fear for their lives, because their bodies were far too valuable. There was something twisted and creative in how the system worked to break these women without ever being able to directly threaten them with death. And now, apparently we're just shooting pregnant Handmaids in the grocery store? That actually really broke me out of the moment.

Let's turn to the flashbacks for a moment. This is another instance where as a stand-alone thing, I quite liked learning about Aunt Lydia's past. I get the sense from other reviews that I'm in the minority on this, but I think Ann Dowd is so talented, and the story worked for me on the level of examining the early symptoms of Gilead, even before things had started in earnest. But on a macro level, these flashbacks still bothered me for a couple of reasons. For one, the themes explored in the flashbacks did not connect with the story in the present-day, other than that both were centered around Lydia. The flash-backs are about a woman who genuinely wanted to help people, turned bitter in part by her evangelical beliefs and in part by her loneliness. The present-day story is about June turning more and more ruthless, and Ofmatthew losing her grip on her sanity. What am I meant to understand by learning a bit more about Lydia's former life? And that's the second problem, honestly - from just this episode, I might get a good-ish understanding of who Aunt Lydia is meant to be as a character, but if you combine these flashbacks with what we've seen of her character so far, it doesn't really track. Aunt Lydia's characterization is all over the place. She seems to slide on the scale of devotion to Gilead depending on what the plot needs from her at any given moment. For a long time, I've held out hope that we would come to some sort of emotional core for this character and finally understand what makes her tick. But if these flashbacks were meant to provide that clarity, in my opinion they failed.

Pros:

Let's talk about June. Because on the one hand, I'm annoyed about the plot armor, as discussed above. And it's tempting to be upset and frustrated by how unlikable June is becoming. Last week, I certainly felt that way. But I'm trying to take the long view. Turning June into something of a villain is... well, it's not a totally crap idea. Maybe the final consequence of the torture she's been through is that there is no coming back for her. Maybe she'll keep being cruel and single-handed, focused on saving Hannah and nothing else. Maybe she'll nod sagely as Handmaids hold guns on her, and maybe we'll be hearing more voice-overs indicating that June is not only willing to inflict suffering on others... she's starting to enjoy it. I can't really sense what the endgame would be here, short of killing June off and letting the story continue without her. But that might not be as crazy an idea as it first sounds. This universe that they've created has legs. There are so many stories to tell. I'd be okay with telling those stories in a world where June is no longer at the center of them. Maybe that's not where this is going. Maybe I'll have to eat my words and be frustrated in the next couple of episodes at the direction the show turns. But for now, the idea of villainous June is kind of interesting!

One thing this show always does well is showing the creepiness of Gilead through the ceremonies. We have the birthing ceremony that ends in tragedy, as another Handmaid's child is stillborn. And then we have the shaming ceremony. It might be ridiculous to me that June doesn't suffer harsher consequences, but I do like the way Aunt Lydia's role in this shaming ceremony echoes her past as a teacher. The Handmaids are her students, parroting her words and internalizing the harsh messages they are forced to repeat, again and again. It's chilling, and it's meant to be, and it's a good scene, even with the flaws in the larger setup.

As I said, Ofmatthew unraveling and breaking down was actually an interesting idea, in and of itself. The acting and the pacing in that final scene was truly superb. At least in the moment, when I wasn't questioning the larger writing decisions going on, I was totally gripped. I thought Aunt Lydia might be about to die. I even thought Ofmatthew might actually shoot June, although I wasn't thinking June would actually die from it. And then when the shots rang out and Ofmatthew dropped, I literally flinched. I wish this story-line had explored more of its potential, but I did think this high-intensity scene worked really well on its own.

And again, I did enjoy the flashbacks for their own sake. I think it's interesting that Lydia was turned towards a darker, more cynical path because of her attempts to find love again. I read in another review that it seemed stupid to make Lydia evil because she was rejected by a man, but that's not the way I read the moment at all. She breaks so many of the rules she had set for herself on that New Year's Eve. She drinks, and she lets herself be comfortable, and she indulges her desires. Suddenly, she realizes that she's slipped away from the righteous path, and she over-corrects in a big way. That's interesting to me, and I hope that we can get some more clarity on Aunt Lydia's characterization moving forward.

I also like all the hints of the changing world. It reminds me of some of the Season One flashbacks. We learn that Child Protective Services has been replaced with privatized organizations, ones that ask questions like "do they go to Church?" in order to determine if a home is fit for a child. We see how Lydia is uncomfortable and judgmental of Noelle's behavior, and at first it seems perfectly reasonable, because she is neglecting her child. But there's something more dangerous underneath that, as Lydia is judging not only Noelle's parenting style, but her wearing of makeup, and use of profanity, and relationships with men. It all bleeds together, so you can see the sinister creep of Gilead's power beginning in these moments.

So... yeah. This is a very long review, and unfortunately a lot of it is less than positive. There are elements that have promise, and I'm giving this show the benefit of the doubt, because I believe it deserves that. But I'm also starting to feel like the writers need to re-evaluate some aspects of the story, and figure out how they're going to keep moving forward with June as a protagonist.

6/10

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Philosophical Debate

Philosophical Debate - Kidge Month Day 26 Prompt Fill Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Pairing: Kidge Summary: Sometimes, debates with alien life forms go over swimmingly for the Paladins of Voltron. Other times... Things get a little fighty. And sometimes it isn’t always Keith slugging it out. Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more.

When he was informed that Pidge had gotten into a fight with an alien on his way to a debriefing with the Blade about Haggar’s recent movements, he wasn’t exactly surprised. For as much as one would think that being a Paladin of Voltron would earn someone the respect and regard of the entire known universe, it actually didn’t. Many a time he’d observed alien leader after alien leader talk down to the Green Paladin, as if they were teaching a knee-high child, and then laughed when Pidge would tear down their assumption with one well-timed quip. Normally about they were misrepresenting their technologies practices or capabilities. Sometimes they’d become meek and passive, rolling over and yielding to her without much of a fight. Other times, though, they would see her rebuttal as an attack to their credibility and intelligence. So, when he heard Pidge had gone toe-to-toe with another alien? He figured it was just another instance of that.

He was thrown for a loop, however, when he was informed that it had actually led to fisticuffs and that both of them were sitting in the infirmary, most likely getting chewed out by Shiro.

He headed off to the infirmary once the debriefing was done, curious about what had been said to set her off like that. She was sitting there, holding an ice pack to one cheek, scowling at the floor. Shiro was standing in front of her, arms crossed over his chest, sporting a look Keith had seen plenty of times himself. The older man glanced over at the sound of the door opening, his expression morphing at the sight of Keith. He stared at him, hard, before looking back at Pidge, as if to say, “Do you see what you’ve done? See how you’ve rubbed off on her?”

Keith dipped his head, a mix of embarrassed and avoidance, before peering around the room for the other impromptu brawler. He spotted them sitting off to the side, leaning over to glare at him from around a separation curtain. They seemed to be Dindurian, a planet that they had assisted recently at the request of Kolivan and the slowly rebuilding Blade.  It seemed that, a few months prior, their home world of Dindu had been taken over by a rogue Galran Commander frantically trying to gain a foot hole of control in the changing times. Prior to this, Dindu had been an ally to the Blade of Marmora, serving as a brief salvation point for Galran prisoners the Blade had snuck out. Voltron and the Atlus stepped in to liberate the planet post-haste. Afterwards, a few of their more technologically-inclined were insistent in joining the Atlas crew, hungry to repay Team Voltron for their help. He couldn’t recall the name of the one glaring him down but he did recognize them.

Once they had been informed of Keith’s Galran heritage, this Dindurian in specific began adamantly avoiding him. He didn’t necessarily blame them, but it still hurt.

Just by looking at them, he could see they’d been the one to walk away more scathed. Three of their eyes were starting to swell, there was a bruise developing on their left cheek, and there was a faint yellow crust, which he knew was dried blood, around the slits that he had learned were their nostrils. He could see another bruise poking up from under the collar of their shirt. In normal circumstances, he probably would have been impressed by how quickly Pidge had done such a good amount of damage, considering he was sure the fight had been broken up in a snap, but now he was only concerned as to what this would do to their alliance with the rest of the Dindurians.

“So, what happened here?” Keith asked as he approached, coming to stand beside Shiro.

“Pidge and Jaugg had themselves a friendly debate that got significantly less friendly the longer they discussed,” Shiro said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Only because I don’t feed into statements made using sweeping generalizations, pure ignorance, and blatant racism!” Pidge seethed, turning to glare back at Jaugg, pure venom in her tone and look.

“Oh, come off it!” Jaugg scoffed, rolling all four of their eyes.

“You come off it! You don’t get to walk around here, talking that level of shit, and not expect someone to sit your ass down and explain why you’re wrong! Or, in this case, knock you on your ass because you’d rather be an igno-!”

“I see that things are still rather heated in here,” A calm voice chimed in from the doorway. They all turned to see a much taller, older looking Dindurian walking in.

Jaugg sucked in a breath. “Sage Hatur… Ma’am, please, take some sense into them! They think I have conducted myself in a way unbecoming when I have not,” they pleaded softly.

Sage Hatur seemed unimpressed, her luminous blue eyes shifting from the younger to Shiro. “I would like to apologize for this, Captain Shirogane,” she said, dipping her head, before turning to look at Keith, “as well as to you, Head Paladin.”

Keith blinked a bit in surprise. “I… I’m afraid I don’t follow,”

“We hadn’t actually discussed the whole situation yet with him, Sage Hatur,” Shiro said calmly.

She blinked a bit in surprise before turning her attention back to Keith. “Regardless, though, apologies are owed, and consequences must be dealt,” she said patiently.

“Consequences?” Keith parroted.

“This young one has been saying incredibly unkind things about yourself,” Sage Hatur elaborated, indicating Keith with a tip of her head. Her gaze then moved back over towards Jaugg, who was looking away in a mix of anger and shame, and her eyes narrowed to a glare. “These are not the behaviors I expect of one who looks to numbers and research to come to conclusions. As such, it is in the best interest of Voltron’s continued success that you be suspended from our research team and sent home.”

Jaugg looked up at their leader, eyes wide in horror.

Keith blinked before holding up a hand. “I appreciate your concern for my feelings, Sage Hatur,” he said calmly, “but I think that this seems a bit extreme. I think getting roughed up by Pidge here is enough of a sign that, regardless of what they think of me, they should perhaps keep it to themselves.”

“Are you sure, Head Paladin?” she asked worriedly.

He nodded. “It’s not the first time it’s happened, and it certainly won’t be the last,” he said with a shrug. From the corner of his eye, he could see Pidge squaring up, as if she were ready to launch herself at him next.

“Regardless of it happening before or likely happening again, I do not think this is something that should simply be disregarded,” Sage Hatur said gently, reaching out to set a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “You do not desire to be treated impolitely for crimes you neither committed nor support.”

“I understand and respect your stance on this subject. Please just consider letting the matter drop here to be a favor you are doing for me,” he said, offering her a small smile.

Sage Hatur let out a small sigh, squeezing his shoulder. “You are a much kinder soul than you need to be. I shall yield to your request,” she said. She lifted her head to pin Jaugg with another strict look. “While I cannot force you to change your thoughts or feelings, I will advise you to keep them to yourself going forward. Now, hurry along. You are not so grievously injured that you cannot resume your normal duties.” And then, she glanced over at Shiro again. “Also, Captain, I had something I had wished to discuss with you, if you should have the moment to spare.”

“Of course. I think I’ve gotten the point regarding peaceful conflict resolution across to Pidge,” he said, glancing at her briefly. When he turned to walk off with Hatur, however, Pidge rolled her eyes and screwed her face up in a small act of defiance. Keith offered her a raised eyebrow, but still seeming miffed at him, she answered him but turning away from him.

It reminded him quite a bit of one of Lance’s temper tantrums, what with how theatric she was being.

Jaugg hopped of the exam table and started walking out once Hatur and Shiro were almost out of the room, clearly wanting to put some distance between them. They paused briefly to glare at Keith as they walked past. “My opinion of you remains unchanged, half-breed scum,” they growled.

“That’s fine,” he answered, completely unaffected. He’d heard that one so many times that a small part of him almost wanted to tell him that, if he really wanted to get under Keith’s skin, he would need to think of a more original insult.

They seemed alarmed by that before glaring again, swearing at him in their native tongue, and then storming out of the room on Sage Hatur’s heels. “You didn’t need to humor that asshole,” Pidge snapped suddenly, voice tight with anger.

He turned to face her and shrugged. “Like I said, he isn’t the first to act like that just because my Mom is Galra. And I know that he won’t be the last,”

“You shouldn’t have let him get away with it, though!” Pidge argued.

“I can deal with it,”

“But you shouldn’t have to!” Pidge growled, clearly frustrated. She threw herself back against the exam table, throwing an arm over her eyes, and he outright laughed at the spectacle she was being.

“Okay, Lance,” he teased, walking over to sit beside her on the table.

“How dare you,” she said quietly, lifting her arm to look up at him. There was no real venom in her words, though, and some of her irritation seemed to have subsided. “How can you let stuff like that go? They’re basically saying you’re an awful person just because of what alien race your Mom is from. I mean, that’s just super messed up, don’t you think?”

“It is, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it. And if they decide that they want to keep living in ignorance, that’s their decision. The people that matter will always defend me, or be willing to have their opinion proven wrong. There’s no point in getting mad over it,” he said with a shrug.

“You? Not seeing a point in getting mad about something?” she asked, sitting upright. She then pressed one of her hands to his forehead. “Are you sick? Dying? On some magical Black Lion peace vibes nonsense?”

He laughed and shook his head. “No, I just… I’ve learned, I think, to only worry about the things that really matter or count,” he said.

“Huh. Sounds boring,”

“Kind of is. But, hey,” he hummed, flashing her an amused grin, “at least it gives you something to do, right?”

She blinked then smirked. “You do have a point there,”

[avengersandlovers]

Saturday Night

Viktor Drago x Reader

Warnings: smut, bondage?

A/N: Italics are supposed to be said in Russian, I didn’t want to subject y’all to torture by using google translate for more than just single words. Also, don’t think for a second this will be the last you see of me writing Viktor.

REPOST FROM MY OLD PAGE PLEASE REBLOG!

You had only made a handful of friends since moving to Russia so when your neighbors invited you to the new ice cream shop around the corner you jumped at the chance to get out of the house. What you hadn’t known was that they had invited another friend of theirs, Viktor.

He seemed nice enough but his swollen black eye and busted lip made you a little weary of him. He towered over you as you walked side by side behind your neighbors who seemed blissfully unaware of the absolute silence between you both.

You had tried to make learning the language a priority before you were sent to Russia for work but didn’t have as much time as you would have liked so when people started talking quickly you really were only able to understand bits and pieces. Which was probably one of the reasons you hadn’t met many people and why you had yet to say a word to Viktor.

Your neighbors ordered quickly while you stood there awkwardly trying to decipher the menu. They had already seated and were too busy canoodling to see that you were struggling to order.

After much internal debate you finally turned to Viktor and awkwardly asked him in Russian, “I’m really sorry to ask this but can you help me order? I can’t read the menu.”

A bewildered expression crossed his face as he looked back and forth between you and the menu written on the wall.

“Oh god, did I mispronounce something? Shit. Shit. Shit.” You muttered, hiding your face in your hands.

You heard what you could only assume was a stifled laugh come from the man in front of you as you finally pulled your hands away from your face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you weren’t Russian. I was very confused.” He half smiled at you. “I’ll order for you, what do you want?”

He was very polite and spoke slowly so you could understand him.

“Well, actually…” You trailed off. “Can you just tell me how to order it? I want to be able to do it for myself.”

“I can do that too.” He agreed.

You pointed to the chocolate looking ice cream through the glass, “I want to get this,” and then you turned and pointed to the cones displayed on the shelf, “in that.”

He came up behind you and mirrored your actions pointing to the ice cream, “shokolad” and then pointing to the cones “rozhok morozhenogo”

He stood so close, you could feel the heat radiating from his body on your back. But you pulled yourself together and parroted what he told you before looking back at him for approval.

“Close enough.” He chuckled.

After you ordered and paid you sat down with him at the table next to where your neighbors were seated. The two lovebirds seemed as though they had completely forgotten that they had brought you both along with them at this point.

“So how do you guys know each other?” You struggled to translate the words as you tried to talk to him.

“We don’t have to talk in Russian if that’s easier for you.” He suggested.

“Sorry,” you apologized again. “I know my Russian is terrible.”

“It not so bad.” He shrugged, looking out the window. “Trust me I’ve heard much worse.”

You smiled slightly and continued to eat your ice cream.

“We train at same gym.” He finally answered your question.

“Oh, that makes sense. Do you guys ever have to fight each other? That must be weird.” You asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

He openly laughed at your question.

“No no. He’s featherweight, I’m heavyweight. And I would kick his ass.” He looked over at your neighbor who was now well aware of the two of you and glaring at Viktor.

“In your dreams Drago.” He scoffed at Viktor.

Viktor waved his hand flippantly at him and rolled his eyes.

Suddenly Viktor’s phone began to buzz on the table. He picked it up, glanced at the screen and sighed before standing.

“Time for me to go.” He spoke, mostly to you, as he shoved his phone in his pocket without bothering to answer it. “It was nice meeting you.”

You smiled at him and waved. “Nice meeting you too.”

That Saturday night you were sitting alone in your apartment, which seemed to be what you were doing more often than not as of recent. You poured over your Russian dictionary in an attempt to hopefully learn a couple of things before you went back to work on Monday when there was a soft knock on your door.

You slowly got up from your couch and walked to the door. Peering out of the peephole in the door you saw the familiar frame of Viktor standing on the other side. Pulling down on your pajama shorts your tried to cover up a little more before you opened the door.

“Hey.” You smiled shyly.

“Hey.” He replied, smiling back. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, uh sure.” You stepped aside to allow him in. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Artur got knocked out during fight tonight. I helped get him home.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Oh my god. Is he okay?!” You were significantly more startled than Viktor seemed to be.

“Not first time he got ass kicked. He’ll be fine.” He smirked. “Sasha asked that I stay close by.”

“So you came here?” You questioned.

“Thought might be more interesting than watching them makeout.” He chuckled.

You cringed at the thought. You had only been there a little over a month and had already heard them through the wall a number of times.

“Stay as long as you need.” You laughed and shook your head, finally closing the door.

Viktor looked around the room, his eyes locking on the dictionary on your coffee table. He walked over and picked it up, shaking his head as he turned it over in his hand.

“This what you do on weekends?” He flipped through the pages as he made himself comfortable on your couch.

You walked towards him, sitting on the opposite side of the couch, with your back to the armrest as you pulled your knees to your chest.

“What else would I do?” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“You could come watch fight.” He smirked at you.

“Is that all you do?” You laughed.

His face dropped a little as he shrugged, “pretty much. Fight and work.”

A weird silence fell between you both as you struggled to figure out how to respond.

“Want me to quiz you?” He asked, holding up the dictionary.

“Sure!” You beamed, settling into your seat.

“Bus?” He quizzed.

“Easy, avtobus.”

“Store?”

“Khranit’. Give me some harder ones.”

“Over there?”

“Tam.”

“Wrong, boh tam.”

“What? Nuh-uh!” You declared as you moved closer to him, trying to grab the dictionary from him.

“You think I’m wrong?” He laughed, holding the dictionary out of reach.

“Just let me see it!” You whined but he seemed to be enjoying your attempt at a struggle.

You finally managed to grab the book from him as you jumped off the couch.

“Ha!” You yelled in victory.

Viktor stood up from the couch and you suddenly were reminded how much bigger he was than you.

You yelped and took off down the hall and Viktor took off after you. But the chase was quickly brought to an end when you tripped over the edge of your rug and you both came crashing to the floor, him on top of you.

His large hand engulfed the back of your head as he cradled it.

“Are you alright?” He asked sincerely.

You nodded in response. Him being on top of you was more than enough to distract you from any minor injury you might have.

Your breathing started to become ragged and before you knew it, his mouth was on yours and your hands were pinned above your head. His knees nudged yours apart and he placed himself between them, rolling his hips against yours. His lips trailed down your neck and he sucked softly on your collarbone. You moaned and tilted your head giving him even more access to your skin, which now felt like it was on fire.

With each move he made he was surprisingly gentle with you. His hands were rough and weathered and sent goosebumps across your skin as they finally released your wrists and dragged his hands slowly down your torso until they reached the bottom of your shirt. He paused as he waited for your permission before making another move.

Your permission came in the form of you just removing it yourself before struggling to take off your shorts despite his weight resting on you. He grinned at your needy behavior but let you squirm for a little instead of helping. Finally he moved just enough to pull your shorts off and toss them to the side then he was on you again. His hand made its way inside your panties and his calloused fingers danced around your clit, teasing it with such precision that you were almost ready to cum before you guys even really started.

His other hand cupped your chin and tilted it up so you were forced to look at him as he plunged his fingers inside of you. His thumb swiped gently across your bottom lip and you could tell he was savoring each moan and mewl that came out of your mouth. You could feel your wetness dripping down the inside of your thighs as his fingers pumped in and out of you.

“What’s ‘fuck me’ in Russian?” You squeaked out.

“Close enough.” He growled in your ear.

He pulled your panties to the side and slid inside you, which was enough to send your eyes rolling back into your head in bliss. He was definitely proportionate to say the least. He got on his knees and lifted one of your legs up so it rested against his chest and your ankle was on his shoulder. He leaned forward, using the floor beneath you for support as he began to thrust deep inside you.

He held your hips in place as his thrusts got faster and rougher. You clawed at his chest and pulled at your hair as your toes curled and back arched. You could barely string words together as his cock stroked over your g-spot over and over again. Viktor panted and grunted, mumbling words in Russian that only kind of sounded familiar but you still knew what he meant. It wasn’t long before you finally lost all control and gripped at the rug underneath you as you came undone.

You clenching around his cock and screaming out his name was enough to send Viktor over the edge shortly after you. His hips speeding up then slowing down until he finally rode out his high through a final few thrusts.

Viktor collapsed on the floor next to you, both of you out of breath and sweating.

“Bet you not forget Russian now.” He joked.

“Are you fucking kidding? I barely remember my name.” You scoffed, trying to sit up.

TAGS:

@amour-quinn @mypanda-kun @chewie-danvers @palaiasaurus64 @lady-thor-foster@myluvislikewow @chezzire-cat @zuni21798 @of-sebstan-and-chrisevans @dinnafashsoldat@princesskillmonger @blackgirloneshots

@depressed-comics @army2224 @xxpapasfritasxx @mintballoons @themyscxiras @sugardaddytonystark @dragosdaughter @trippinjenni @charmedluna @palmtreesallday @jesusismybarber @truequeenofnightmares @its--fandom--darling @jenthehobbityelf @tia-nax @dreamingofonceuponatime @hortonhearsahoeblr @lonelymisanthrope @captstefanbrandt @champagnesugamama @paprika0437 @dragothishole