#but fr I have to remember not to get attached to things while I live here

[simplyghosting]

And today’s mood is

[moonastrogirl]

💘 Some important tips for each Nakshatra : Never to Do Tips 💘

DISCLAIMER The author name is at the end. I do not remember where I found it unfortunately (it was in my notes app for months fr 😭) tho I know I am supposed to share my knowledge as much as I can and not be a gatekeeper so here it is . I hope it will help you (if you know the author let me know too with the name down below) 💜

Ashwini : Never loose an opportunity to help people in your life, you will meet and learn some very important techniques from a reputed and respected person.

Bharani : Do not share your secrets with anyone. Self control is must.

Krittika : Stand by Truth. Do not entertain, liars, fakers or cheaters or not even try to possess those traits.

Rohini : Don't get too much attached with anything, attachment will cause havoc.

Mrigashira : Do not get disconnected with your parents or family.

Ardra : Learn to work under distractions and pressure. Stay calm in chaos.

Punarvasu : Never disobey Dharma (purpose), always stick to your commitments, you get divine support of universe.

Pushya : Do not ignore your family or your dear one needs while handling bigger responsibilities or social cause. Take out time for them.

Ashlesha : Never misuse your power & Never Curse anyone.

Magha : Never ignore your Pitris (your ancestors). Always do charity in their names.

Purva Phalguni : Avoid getting too much indulgent in pleasures, do your duty faithfully.

Uttara Phalguni : Never break your relationship & Be Kartavya Prayan (loyal).

Hasta : Never get carried away with failure, that's ladder of success for you.

Chitra : Never doubt your potential & don't act impulsive, else you will end up hurting with self.

Swati : Do not poke powerful authorities. Try to stay away from leg pulling.

Vishaka : Never leave the Marg of Bhakti (total faith and devotion) & Keep remembering Bhagwan (the Most High/God).

Anuradha: Never get distracted with too much darkness, sooner or later it's worth experiencing.

Jyeshta : Never misuse your authorities & power, one single mistake can ruin everything.

Mula : Don't get panic, when burdened with lots of negativity, that's the process of bringing clarity, like storm before calm.

Purva Ashadha : Not every war is to win, some are supposed to lift you up. In both victory or defeat you gonna be the same.

Uttara Ashadha : Following Dharma (career/purpose) is right but having a superiority complex can harm you in longer run.

Shravana : Tied up with lots of responsibilities & helplessness, we are born to live or die for a divine purpose, just give your best.

Dhanishta : Never boast or avoid beating the drum of success before its completion.

Shatabhisha : Never sell your soul for gains and profit. Things will turn negative for you.

Purva Bhadrapada : Never rush into conclusion cause what looks on the surface might not be real, try to see deep within. There lies solution.

Uttara Bhadrapada : Simplicity beautifies you, wear it and own it.

Revati : You are the Messenger of God & Bhakt (faith/worship/love). Showing path to directionless people is your real gem. Never sell superstition or blind faiths.

Author :

Mann ki Baat Trishna

Note from the author : Above points are just an observation with my best of understanding.

[bloodyymaryyy]

Bumped into you

Max verstappen x reader

Request : yes

Warnings : English isn't my first language other than that none

Masterlist

--------------------------------------------------

The sun came up, the birds are chirping and singing happily, people on the street having fun, laughing, shouting at each other and talking, others are smiling and other are grumpy or having a bad day, not being in the mood for anything.

Nobody knows what is going on in people's lives or minds but they choose to go out today.

Y/n was a semi morning person that depends on the day and the weather as most people are.

Having being waken up by the alarm clock that she forgot to deseable the night before. She curses herself for not turning it off, she tried to go back to sleep but to no avail, grunting she got out of bed and she decided to be productive she did the household chores like vacuuming the floors and mopping them, washing the piles of dirty dishes

Planning to make something extravagant she got freshen up and dressed into something comfortable but presentable she headed to the nearby supermarket which she knew that would have the things that she wanted to make the dish.

Strolling from aisle to aisle looking for what she needed, she was suddenly hit by something losing a bit her footing she stumbled back a few steps.

Looking up at her "attacker" there was a man with short blonde hair, icy blue eyes, tall, she liked tall men...her daydreams.

His face showed concern and in his cheeks were rosy pink from the embarrassment of this whole situation.

Oh my god I wasn't looking at where I was going! Didn't meen to bump into you! * he said taking a few steps ahead where y/n was* are you okay miss?

Oh yeah I am okay, just watch where you are going next time please...

I am so sorry again! I hope you are okay again...miss....?

Oh y/n nice to meet you..?

Oh yeah I am Max btw

I don't want to sound like a stalker... But have we met before? You look familiar... I can't point me finger on it tho * her eyebrows knitted together tilting her head a bit to the side.

Max panicked said *oh I don't think so...?

Oh can I get a picture though? I want to show my family their future son in law... * y/n said biting her bottom lip softly looking up to his blue eyes

Uhm sure! * max replied his cheeks red suddenly getting shy

Y/n pulled out her phone and put on the camera app getting closer to him and taking a few selfie photos.

After seeing the photos if they are good then it dawned on her, from his perspective you could hit the wheel of her mind working, flinching a bit and widen her eyes.

Oh shit! Now I remember!... * she paused looked around and leaning near his face and whisper shout * Are you Max Verstappen?

You noticed that he was taken a back for being recognised by her and she acted quickly

Sorry I won't say anything! But my sister is a big fan of f1, that's why you seem familiar! * she said hitting her forehead * Sorry I will leave you to it!

She went to take her cart to search for the rest of the things she wanted but she was stopped by him saying her name.

Y/n could I get your number by any chance? You are lovely... * max said scratching the back of his neck nervously.

Sure! Give me your phone I will put it on, how is that?

They exchanged number and went home after a bit, while going home y/n texted her sister

The best sister

You won't believe who I just met!

Lil b

Omg! Who?

The best sister

Max mother fucking Verstappen!

Lil b

Really?!? Did you take any pictures?!

The best sister

Yeah

*picture attachment *

Lil b

Omg! You are so lucky dude, I wish that was me fr!

After that y/n and Max were texting back and forth, going to low-key dates for 3 almost 4 months y/n became his gf and him wanting to take her to his home race in the Netherlands giving her a paddock pace his second card of his hotel room having fun in the paddock and meeting all of his friends, laughing and joking around at their hotel rooms playing games and everything.

___________

I hope you liked it and hope its what you requested!

-🦈 anon

[gothicfairytopia]

How act two of The Sound of Music might foreshadow Good Omens season three ~

I was reading this post about Aziraphale’s ball idea coming from The Sound of Music rather than Jane Austen, and remembered that I’d meant to make a post about parallels between Aziraphale and Maria. The romantic plot of Good Omens has a lot in common with the plot of The Sound of Music, and season two just so happens to leave off at the very end of act one. So, is there a chance that act two could provide some clues about season three? I find the idea very compelling, so here’s my analysis of the movie and how I think it compares to what we’ve seen so far, as well as what we can hope to see in season three.

In the beginning we have Maria at the abbey, where it is made clear that she does not fit in because she has a hard time abiding by the rules. She also has a tendency to prioritize the natural/material world over her spiritual duties, which is represented by the opening song (“The Sound of Music”), the singing of which literally makes her late to return to the abbey. This has obvious parallels to Aziraphale’s difficulties conforming to Heaven’s way of life, as well as his worldly attachments.

(A fun bonus parallel is in the song “Maria,” when the nuns say “she’s always late for everything / except for every meal.” Aziraphale-coded fr.)

Maria leaves the abbey to be the governess to the von Trapp family, and this is where she begins to really learn about herself as an adult outside of a tightly controlled religious environment. She still doesn’t conform to the new world she lives in, but begins learning how to retain her selfhood without feeling ashamed of doing so. This period is obviously a parallel for Aziraphale’s time on Earth—although the time frames are quite different, the same general lessons are learned.

At the end of act one, as addressed in the linked post, there is a ball where the Captain and Maria dance, and this is the moment where Maria discovers her feelings for the Captain. Although this scene is an obvious parallel for the Jane Austen ball scene, I think it’s honestly more similar to the kiss in the final 15. Maria, mid-dance, stares into the Captain’s eyes, freezes, and backs away, saying she can’t remember the dance anymore. The Baroness is watching from the doorway, and when Maria runs upstairs to get changed for dinner, the Baroness follows her.

Up in Maria’s bedroom, the Baroness confronts Maria about her feelings for the Captain, which Maria denies initially. The Baroness convinces her of her own feelings and of the Captain’s, and essentially encourages her to run away—I’ll get into why in a second. Without a word to anyone, Maria returns to the abbey. This is a super obvious parallel to the end of season two, with the Baroness acting almost in the role of the Metatron by pulling Maria aside and reminding her of her “duty.”

Now into the more speculative side of things, trying to think of how The Sound of Music might offer hints as to what’s coming in season three.

When Maria returns to the abbey, she remains in constant silent prayer for the first several days before being called upon by the Abbess. Maria confesses that she ran away because she was frightened, and admits that she had accidentally developed an attraction for the Captain. She gives her reason for not telling the Captain about her feelings and choosing to return the abbey: “I was there on God’s errand. Oh, I couldn’t stay, I just couldn’t. I’m ready at this moment to take my vows.” This sense of misplaced duty might not be all of it, but again, we’ll get to that in a second.

The Abbess responds with probably more kindness than we’d expect from anyone in Heaven: she says that romantic love can be holy, that Maria needs to discover how God intended her to spend her love, and assures her that “if you love this man, it doesn’t mean you love God less.” With this, she commands Maria to return.

While this may seem incongruous with Heaven’s general business model and something unlikely to be paralleled in season three, I think it’s important to think back to the conversation at the end of season one immediately following the failed apocalypse, when Crowley asks, “Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this, all along? From the very beginning?” People joke about God trying to set them up from the beginning of time, but I don’t know that it necessarily has to be a joke. The question of God’s ineffable plan is a constant throughout the series—the whole point is that it’s impossible to say what exactly God intends.

This is the exact same conflict Maria faces in the scene with the Abbess. When she objects to returning, she says, “But I pledged my life to God, I — I’ve pledged my life to his service.” The Abbess rejects the idea that this is the only possible plan that could have been intended for Maria, saying, “You have to live the life you were born to live.” Perhaps there will be something similar in season three, some way in which God communicates the same thing to Aziraphale—that loving Crowley doesn’t mean loving Her any less, that their love is holy, and that the life he is meant to live is not one pent up behind heavenly walls, but rather out in the world with Crowley.

After Maria returns, she’s reunited with the children, the Captain and the Baroness break off their engagement, lots of little plot things. What I’m interested in is the song “Something Good” (which I would just like to emphasize is sung in a gazebo... anyway). The song introduces an additional reason for Maria’s departure—namely, that she did not feel worthy of the Captain’s love, a sentiment that he returns. They both come to the conclusion, though, that they must have done “something good” to deserve having found each other. Here are some lyrics:

For here you are, standing there, loving me

Whether or not you should

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good.

The basic theme of the song is self forgiveness, and the acknowledgement that past imperfections do not make a person unworthy of being loved. Rather, both characters here have felt themselves to be inadequate, but view the other’s love as a sign that they must, in some way, be good.

I love the idea that Crowley and Aziraphale might have a moment like this, because I think it would be massive in terms of their own self acceptance. For Crowley, Aziraphale’s love (and possibly God’s endorsement?) is proof that his fall did not make him irredeemable, that he remains a being who can love and be loved in return. For Aziraphale, Crowley’s love is an affirmation that he can honestly be forgiven for his transgressions, rather than marked forever by them (like removing the stain from his coat, allowing it to be forgotten).

Unfortunately, the movie does not end with their marriage—they still have to escape Austria after the Captain is called to serve by the Nazis. I think we can assume the Nazis parallel Hell, and say that perhaps Aziraphale and Crowley really will have to establish “their own side.” Maria has to break free of the abbey, and the Captain has to break free of the Nazis. They do this by running away, and I’m not sure Aziraphale and Crowley would ever flee Earth in the wake of the Second Coming, but I will say that it does immediately evoke the idea of the pair running away to Alpha Centauri. I do think that given the “they are bad at their jobs and did very little to seriously prevent Armageddon” joke from season one, it would be a little funny if humanity managed to save itself during a momentary retreat from Aziraphale and Crowley.

I don’t mean to imply that the blueprint of season three is found in act two of The Sound of Music, but I do think that the movie being canonically a favorite of Heaven’s, the recurring theme of the ineffability of God’s plan, and the sheer number of parallels within the plot so far make it a fair place to look for clues. Who’s to say that God’s plan wasn’t hidden in plain sight?

[simonsrosebud]

omgg god im genuinely so intrigued with all your WIPs and its so hard to choose one so please expect another ask from me but let’s start with Roommates please im really curious about the next generation fr like it sounds so fun !!!

HEHE THANK YOU!! these two so fun to write no matter what i swear

-

It was Abram’s idea to live together again sophomore year. Bred from late nights and endless laughter and a belief that they’d be attached to the hip forever. Elliot and Abram, Abram and Elliot. Ask for one, get the other.

It came as no surprise that the two boys would be going to the same college. Abram wanted to go to PSU since before he could remember, and Elliot didn’t want to go too far. He had too much trauma, too many abandonment issues, too much anxiety to be more than three hours away from the home he and his sister had made with Andrew and Neil. It wasn’t his fault that he visited PSU with Abram and had fallen in love with it.

That same home was the one they’d met each other in when they were barely fifteen, three and a half years ago. The place Abram first visited when he heard that his godfather had taken in two teens the same age as himself and his older brother. When Elliot had short buzzed hair and bleeding nail beds. Undiagnosed anxiety, ignored dyslexia, and unmedicated ADHD because he’d still refused to start taking the prescription that Andrew had picked up for him.

Abram had grown up without any of that. It was so foreign that he didn’t even consider treating Elliot like glass. He’d brought over his X-box and plugged it in without a second thought.

Four years later, he and Elliot were doing the same thing. Huddled together on the floor of their shared dorm, knees pressing together on Abram’s bed because neither of them really fit comfortably like that. Abram was 6’1 and all pure lean muscle. Thick thighs from years of playing exy and soccer, and biceps that were unfairly strong to match. It almost annoyed Elliot, who only stood at 5’10 and felt scrawny all around standing at his side.

Elliot groaned when he lost once again and finally gave up. Spring break was due to start in a few days, so while they only lived twenty-five minutes apart at home, they would be leaving the cocoon that they’d created over the last eight months.

Abram brought it to his attention without thinking. “Alright, start getting ready. We gotta meet the girls in a half hour.”

Elliot slanted him a look. “As if either of us need that long,” he said, and promptly fell to the side in Abram’s bed. He turned his face into his pillow, pulling Abram’s comforter up to his chin, and burrowed in.

When he peeked an eye open, it was to Abram sauntering over shirtless. Elliot’s eyes wandered down like they normally did, because he really was jealous of Abram’s body. He wanted to poke his abs and see if his finger would sink into his skin or just halt in place.

Abram set his chin by Elliot’s head, back hunched to his level and pout on full accidental display. He scanned Elliot’s face, making him suddenly self conscious. His face felt red and hot. “Comfy?” he asked. “I’ll make you a deal,” he offered. “You start getting ready now, and maybe I’ll let you sleep in my bed later.”

Elliot’s chest squeezed and clenched uncomfortably- excitedly. He clenched Abram’s blanket in his fist and sat up. Playfully, he squinted his eyes. “I don’t believe you… You only let me sleep here when I have nightmares.”

Abram stood to full height with Elliot’s movements. He smiled, wide and charming. All straight white teeth and full lips and a tiny indent that Elliot would argue was a dimple. He gave into the urge to reach forward and poke his finger into the small crater.

“Not true,” he countered. “Sometimes when your brain isn’t shutting off.”

Elliot rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t count,” he said, but it was true. Abram was a saint if he ever knew one. Twin XL beds certainly weren’t fit for two large athletes- even if Abram was only on an intramural soccer team and Elliot had pivoted from high school cross country to morning runs instead.

Abram thought about it for a moment, but his smile didn’t necessarily fade. “Sounds like you might have to have an insomnia episode later, then.” He winked obnoxiously, sending Elliot’s stomach into unease. Did he eat something strange earlier?

He pushed Abram’s covers off of him and slid down from his bed. With his back to his roommate, he gained his wit back and said, “Only I can throw the ADHD card into the ring,” he tsked. “You’re just jealous that my presence is haunting and offputting and yours isn't.”

next

[namjooning-to-the-moon]

BTS MTL- Buying you clothes as gifts.

Authors note: My first MTL! Thank you guys for the 200 notes on my BTS headcanon I posted a few days ago.

Please remember these are just my opinions.

Warnings: slightly suggestive if you squint

Most

Taehyung

Most of the gifts he buys you are going to be fashion related.

Dresses, tops, shoes, he’s buying it all for you.

You want it? He got it.

Loves doing it though because you guys are the fashionista couple.

Knows what looks good on you and knows what he likes to see you in.

Has learnt your style well, so is always confident you will like his gifts.

Sends you photos from brand instagram accounts for your thoughts.

If you like it he’s bought it.

Couples outfits are going to happen.

Will buy you full outfits because he gets carried away.

Will want to take you on a date the same night so you can wear his gifts.

If he’s away on tour or on a schedule, expect a pair of Gucci heels to turn up on your doorstep with a cute note attached. 

Spoiling you is his full time job next to being an idol and this is just one way he does it.

Hoseok

Gift giving is one of his main love languages and he loves buying you clothes.

He’s also a fashionista so expect this a lot.

Also knows your style well.

When he goes to fashion shows he’s making mental notes on what to buy you.

Also likes couple outfits.

His phone lockscreen is legit a photo of you two in a stylish slightly wild couples outfit.

Loves taking you on shopping trips and spoiling you... because he has highkey sugar daddy vibes ok, I don't make the fucking rules.

Will take you to every store he can and will encourage you to try on everything you want.

Will also pick out clothes for you to try on.

You know those guys that look like they hate their life while waiting for their woman in the changing room?

Not this man.

He lives for it.

Give him his own private fashion show, he loves it.

Jimin

Loves buying you clothes so much.

Also knows your style well enough to make good choices.

Dresses are his favourite to buy.

Sometimes they are girly and sometimes they are sexy.

I see Jimin being into Selkie dresses don't @ me ok.

Not as into couples outfits but likes to be matching.

Same vibe or colour pallet kind of matching and have one item that’s the same.

You guys have his and hers loafers.

Goes out to buy clothes for himself, but is just sending you photos of things he wants to buy you.

Highkey loves buying you lingerie.

Probably buys you lingerie more than clothes that you can actually wear out.

At this point he knows its a kink but he doesn’t give a fuck. It’s not his fault you look good in it all.

Jungkook

Loves it but has a unique way of going out about it.

Its rare he will buy you a dress or heels but what he will buy is stuff he loves, but also knows you will love.

Why? Because then you will wear it too.

Goes to stores with the thought, I love it but will you love it too?

It’s a highkey kink seeing you in his clothes so if you both like his clothes you will wear more of them right?

Challenging Namjoon for that IQ with these moves.

We all know he's kind of possessive™ perilla leaf debate

Will also sometimes buy you the same shirt as him anyway so you can wear it together.

You better believe you guys have matching stompers.

Matching socks fr.

Hope you like Ironman

Makes him such a soft boy when you guys match.

Jin

Not really his vibe tbh.

He will buy you pyjamas though.

Constantly.

Jin is the resident pyjama king so you need to be his queen. Those are the rules ok.

Matching couples pyjamas for days.

Buys you mainly ones that will keep you cosy but occasionally he goes skimpy.

You know those silky shorts and tank sets with the lace? Yep, he’s weak for those.

Will deadass buy you onsies.

Loves to cuddle you in them, you are like a giant plushie to him.

Sometimes he does like to take you on a shopping trip and buy you something pretty.

He will probably get distracted by a cute jumper for himself.

Says he needs to stay as worldwide handsome™ as possible now he's just bought you the most world wide beautiful outfit.

^ Legit the jumper he buys

Namjoon

Not his vibe.

He prefers his gifts to be meaningful and thoughtful and just feels material possessions like clothes don’t show that.

You are more than capable of making better clothing choices than he can probably make for you.

He will make exceptions though.

Sometimes he will see something like a really cute scarf and he can’t resist.

He would see those tartan Burberry scarves and love them, so he gets you one with your initials on you can have them monogrammed fr.

Loves it because it still feels thoughtful and knows you will love it.

If you wanted some particular clothing as a gift he would still buy it for you, he just won’t be doing it without prompt.

You will not catch this man going to the store though.

Send him the website link with your size because this is not his area of expertise and he does not know what size you are... just that he's into it.

Yoongi

Not his vibe either.

This man is not endorsing the capitalist machine.

Also on team thoughtful and meaningful gifts.

He does have an exception though.

Yoongi is a secret soft boy™ and we all know it.

So sometimes he just gets his card out and gives it to you.

Tells you to go crazy.

Yoongi has lowkey sugar daddy vibes and I can't explain it.

Looks forward to you coming back and showing him what you bought.

He would never date someone who was materialistic so these rare moments are his way of showing you that he knows you love him for him so he wants to spoil you.

Least

[autumn0689]

My Semi-Alan Wake 2 Review (featuring my crazy ramblings)

I’m having severe Alan Wake brain rot help me I just think about Alan and Zane and Scratch and Alice (ABSOLUTE GIRLBOSS) and Barry and Pat Maine and Rose (she’s delusional, just like me fr fr) and the Anderson brothers and THIS GAME I LOVE IT I NEED MORE!!!!

I feel bad for anyone who follows me for something else because let me tell you I’m going to be gushing about Alan Wake for A WHILE!!! I love Alan so much he’s my blorbo I want to squish him like a bug I want to give him a blanket I adore him!! He’s such an asshole and I love him.

I can’t wait for the DLC’s and New Game Plus I am going to play the FUCK out of it. I’ve completely abandoned playing any other games (poor Spider-Man 2 is just sitting there, waiting for me to continue) and I’ve been playing AW2 for hours on end. To me it’s such a good game. I love the characters and I’m emotionally attached to so many of them!

Saga my love my life I love her puns and how kind she is and how she cares so much about her daughter and Casey and how fucking badass she is and how powerful she is!

I adore Casey and I love the short film Yöton Yö and my gosh I adore Ahti! I feel so bad for Cynthia and she deserves better than Tom, speaking of Zane, pop off you absolute whore of a man. Scratch was just… he’s Scratch what more is there to say about him?

Gosh this game- I can’t elaborate on why I love it, it’s just so much to dive into, there is so much of it that I love.

Bright Falls is so different and also just how we remember it being! It has so many of the OG Cast (Rose, Pat, Cynthia, Anderson Bros) while also bringing in new characters (like Saga, Casey, Koskela Bros, Agent Estevez) and how Deerfest is still being celebrated. The townsfolk living there have really experienced it all.

Watery is such a cool place to explore. I love Coffee World and the atmosphere, like how the Ferris Wheel played music and how it made it sound so creepy I LOVE IT!! I love how big Coffee World feels and how abandoned it feels even though it currently isn’t. It gives Abandoned Amusement Park vibes and it’s not even abandoned I love it!

My two favorite locations are the Valhalla Nursing Home and The Oceanview Hotel. Valhalla has just a haunting vibe with it being a nursing home, and the basement section fills me with so much dread due to the environment. The Oceanview Hotel seems so grand and like a maze that I often get lost in that section. It seems so grand, especially considering we only go to three floors at most.

The map system is also cool, in my opinion, I like how you are able to see if any Collectibles are nearby and where it shows you when a certain location can’t be accessed. I love exploring and how vastly different it is from the beautiful forests of Cauldron Lake to the Noir Style New York.

The Dark Place is just a perfect mix of being frightening while also having moments of hilarity. It seems so vast, and Alan is basically trapped to a small location, and wandering too far will suck him into pure darkness. It’s such a bending world that going one way can lead you to a completely new direction. It’s such a moldable location that Alan has been trapped in, stuck in a loop (metaphorically and literally) of remembering and not remembering and basically dealing with his personal demons. The ‘We Sing’ section is such a fun one! It’s so fun to play and funny in how almost safe it makes you feel, well, until you fight enemies, of course. The graffiti gives so much to the environment, especially in the Subway section, in which it seems like it has so much history to it.

I adore the way that Alan literally rewrites scenes. I love Sagas Mind Palace and how we can solve things. I love Rose’s Zombie Apocalypse fanfic and how the Angel Lamp also changes environments, and honestly talking about the Yöton Yö short film and how amazing it is deserves a post of its own.

I just- I love the Remedy Games! I’m so excited to see what is coming up in the future! I love these characters, and I can’t wait for more content to come out in the upcoming months.

To anyone who has read all this, here, have a picture of Alan

[folieanoot]

why does halsey's music literally mirror my life so much??? it's crazy

personal info/trauma dumping

i already heavily relate to anyone bipolar and bisexual. then halsey came out as nonbinary like 2 years after i did and i was like omg they are just like me fr.

i believed i was bipolar for years, and as a teen i struggled with hypomania and mood swings that resembled bipolar 2, and i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in 2019, but we figured out this was a misdiagnosis. bc snris work for me, and historically give people with bipolar trouble and i haven't had any manic episodes since college and hypomania can be a bpd-influenced thing, i think it makes a lot more sense that i'm just a borderline really prone to mood swings.

but then the illness happened, and i listened to TGI. and holy shit.

i became disabled in early 2020 and am now chronically ill. for a year i bounced from specialist to specialist, being told "we don't know what's wrong with you" over and over when i was bed-bound, in so much pain i could barely move or think or eat or sleep, just laying there crying and exhausted and sleep-deprived and consumed by pain. doctors trying to blame my physical condition on my mental illness and dismiss me over and over. the end resonates with me because of this.

while i didn't have an abusive partner, thank god, i was emotionally abused by my (new) stepdad and because i was too ill to take care of myself, i HAD to live with him for over a year. it took me a while to accept it wasn't just "he's mean and he hates me bc i'm disabled and sick and mentally ill" but genuinely emotional abuse that traumatized me. life of the spider hits so close to home i cannot explain.

i started dating my current boyfriend after i had made some progress in my condition, but now that we live together he has to deal with me when i'm at my worst. and it brings up that anxiety and trauma of being a burden that got so much worse while living with my stepdad. panic attack reminds me of all the insecurities i have of dating while disabled/chronically ill.

i suspected having adhd in 2020, when i went on adhd stimulants, and i took an assessment last year-ish. and my whole life my family was so upset with me and frustrated that i couldn't remember things, i couldn't keep track of things, and at one point i straight up yelled "i don't know how to make my brain work the same way yours does!" because i always felt (and was kind of TOLD indirectly) that i was stupid, irresponsible, lazy, disrespectful, a disappointment. no matter how hard i tried, how desperately i wanted to be different, to be "good", i couldn't improve because my brain can't function correctly. darwinism explains this so, so well.

my mom got ovarian cancer when i was 12. my dad was never around, so my sister and i took care of her a lot. she said she wouldn't die, and she would live through it, but i was always afraid she was just saying that to make me feel better, and it was so painful to watch her wither away into what felt like nothing in front of me. and when i asked her what she hated most about cancer, she said "the possibility of not getting to see you grow up." i was already really attached to my mom, since my dad was absent and unreliable, and ever since being afraid of my mom dying in middle school, i have had trouble watching her age. i feel grateful when i notice new wrinkles and grayer hair, and she's more on top of her health than anyone i know, but in the back of my mind i'm so scared of when i'm going to lose her for real.

i started self harming around 11. i was struggling so much, but my mom was recovering from a broken pelvis for a year and then had cancer immediately after, and i felt like i couldn't tell her my problems then because what the fuck did i have to feel bad about when she was fucking bed-bound and unable to walk and dying? and i was being bullied at school so i had no friends to talk to, and i tried to tell my sister but she brushed me off. and when the school staff had to get involved with the bullying situation, the parents didn't believe me and so the school did nothing and just told my bullies "stop being mean" which of course just meant they didn't talk to me at all, and i was alienated and outcast and ignored.

so i mostly self harmed because i threw tantrums and had panic attacks that i couldn't control and had no outlet that worked. but part of me wanted people to notice, but then when people did notice, i hated it. they gave me pity and concern, and i wanted comfort and validation. i wanted my peers to see "all those bad things you think about me - i know, i'm the worst, and i'm doing something about it. look! i punish myself for it, so you don't need to punish me." and i wanted an adult to tell me i've done nothing wrong. i was so relieved when my mom suggested therapy first, without even knowing about my self harm, because i wanted to feel better, i wanted help. but because they'd tell my mom, and my mom finding out was my worst fear, i never told my therapists about my suicidal thoughts and self harm either. and i became addicted to pain, in any way i could inflict it on myself.

i always think it's such sick irony that i used to crave physical pain because of my emotional stress. and now, most of my emotional stress is because of the chronic physical pain i have now. i wanted pain? great. now i can't escape the pain. and i feel so guilty for wanting to die for so many years, for trying to kill myself and making my mom drive 6 hours to see me at the hospital, when my mom did almost die and wanted me to live more than anything. the "letter to god" series really makes me think about my mom.

this may be a stretch, but the sexual undertones in dog years's hook remind me of how i've struggled with my sexuality in relation to my self worth and my disability. for a long time, one of the only things i felt good about was being "good at sex," and the only way i could stand to look at myself was if i thought i was attractive or desirable. and in the more main message of dog years, it explores the agency in one's suffering, the guilt of wanting to hurt yourself and suffer and die, and then when you want to be better now you're ill and suffering. but it's not the suffering you inflicted on yourself, it's not the suffering you chose, and now you don't want it anymore. feeling like you can't control your body OR your mind, and wishing you had the agency to decide being "put down" because of everything being inflicted upon you without your say.

there are lots of other songs i relate to on the album, but these ones are just. so applicable to my life and my experience it's crazy.

[etherealising]

are you sick of me yet? because i am BACK BABY and i brought probably way too much commentary - but i really can’t help it i gots to scream into the void to cope🤠

my heart could never grow sick of you!!!! i don’t make the rules, but we’re like internet besties now!!

i also just love media analysis and your commentary is so interesting! your reblogs of my reblogs truly give me life, you are such a lovely soul and you have written something so incredible/special and i love chatting w you about it!!

you read my reblogs??? wow you’re the sweetest. i’m glad my little maladaptive daydreams have made such an impact on my life i could literally cry : ( but like you don’t even understand i get so happy when i see your name in my notis like i scream while reading your analyses i literally had to walk away before i could start reading this one and i never want them to end, so thank you for taking the time out of your day to be delulu with me!!! 😭😭

also you have such a talent for picking gifs - this one had me breathing so heavy fr.

i had to rewatch the episode with this gif for “writing purposes” and when i tell you i rewinded it so many times after i caught it.

i want to go to there👄

me too besties 😪

holy damn batman i was not prepared to be slapped in the face with my own personal toxic traits LOL. i will never admit out loud how much i relate to carmy because it is embarrassing sjsjsjsjsjs

relating to carmy is not a flex but its my life so…we live

wow he really is in his dumb bitch era huh?

carmy was taking online courses for dumb bitchery while going to culinary school. 🤡

oh my fucking god he forgot to take the present huh? he forgot to take the present that HE DOESNT EVEN DESERVE HUH? when the dumb bitch is dumb bitching🤦🏻‍♀️

bestie I WISH he forgot to take the present, it would probably hurt less

he,,,, doesn’t even remember? seeing a package? from his home? and he still doesn’t remember? its probably a safe bet to assume that he didn’t ever end up getting baby a christmas present then. shaking my DAMN HEAD.

right like no offense but this man probably rarely received packages from home in canon + its only like a month later boy really said outta sight outta mind with this one

PURPOSELY?! PURPOSELY?! i’m going to throw hands oh my god.

YES PURPOSELY?!?! after the cute intimate moment they had this bitch left his present!!!

he has to hold the record for having the shortest lived redemption era of all time.

it was definitely in the millisecond time range.

stay toxic king!

‘stay toxic king!’ you have no idea how hard i am laughing, i am crying atp

I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT!!! god this is so smart honestly because he’s already so attached to his knives, esp in the first season and so this just makes sense🤌🏼

right, i read your last reblog and was waiting for someone to guess and you did, and you got it right! also i debated on the gift because idk wtf you get someone like carmy and then i realized neither would baby because they haven’t spoken in five years lol

get a load of this fucking guy - maybe that’s why you read things when you’re gifted them dickhead🤦🏻‍♀️

no, carmy likes to add extra seasoning to his letters, that’s why he drenched it then almost burned it right after. just the way he likes! 😋

JUSTICE FOR BABY!!! JUSTICE. FOR. BABY!!!!!

that letter was a personal attack on carmy, change my mind.

oh did you hear that? that was the sound of my heart shattering on the floor!

‘the hoes gone love this’ -actual footage of me writing this line.

that answers that question, i love that he went through all this trouble just to bitch out in the end. very on brand - so very painfully on brand.

carmy berzatto: “the best christmas present is the one you don’t send.” 😄

OH. MY. GOD. it’s what HE deserves but is it what I deserve? smh i’m not the one in my dumb bitch era that’s a lie

no, you deserve better i’m sorry i failed you 😔 try dumb bitch lifetime babes

honestly tho he really did deserve to get clowned like this. this story is curing my depression over not having any new episodes.

if carmy deserves anything in this universe its to be clowned. thank you so much for reading my work, you’re reblogs really does inspire me to keep writing. 💜

interlude zero | dear carmy

↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ | masterlist

pairing: carmen berzatto x self-sabotage | carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a look into carmy's life and thought process in the aftermath of the berzatto family christmas.

warnings: angst | fluff | self-sabotage | pining | toxic workplace | language | smoking | low self-esteem | self-doubt

wc: 4.6k

thank you for all the love and support, please enjoy this first special chapter dedicated to all of you! 💜

January 2019

Carmy sat on the fire escape of his New York apartment, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, the sun slowly setting behind all the high-rise buildings. It wasn’t the best view but it allowed him to take advantage of the somewhat fresh air New York had to offer. He had been out there for quite a bit now on his second cigarette in 15 minutes.

His thoughts were racing as they usually did, never being spared a quiet moment from his thoughts. His head raced with ideas he’d thought about trying in the kitchen, thoughts about a new tattoo he was hoping to get, wondering when Mikey would finally see how far he’d come. His mind pushed forth anything and everything he could think of, all so the slideshow in his head kept what happened a month ago between the two of you in the dark recesses of his mind.

Carmy told himself that if he didn’t think about the things he wasn’t ready to resolve, then there was no way that they could hurt him, no way that they could force their way out and get him to admit that they indeed were a part of his reality. Accountability wasn’t Carmy’s strong suit, and over the years when it came to the two of you, he felt it best to sweep things under the rug, no point in prodding at old wounds if the friendship between the two of you was well past saving.

He sat there as the sky transitioned colors; blue bleeding into orange, a sunset he knew you would’ve appreciated. Cigarette already burned out, the poison coating his lungs helping to warm his body from the chill that was settling in the air. There was a knock on his apartment door, the unit was so small that even sitting on the fire escape made him feel like he was right next to the door. He ignored it, no one ever stopped by his place, it’s not like he was inviting coworkers back to his place or anything, if it was important they’d come back tomorrow. The knock sounded again, and again Carmy ignored it, his knee bouncing up and down as he hoped whatever nuisance at his door took the hint to leave.

Carmen Berzatto was never lucky enough to get what he wanted. An incessant knocking began on the front door with no indication that the strings of knocks would be stopping soon. Hands running down his face Carmy aggressively stood up from his chair, if he wanted to be bothered at home he would’ve put a fucking welcome mat outside of his door. He reached the door twisting the knob and yanking it open, he frowned at the sight of legs, face covered by the package in their hands.

“Package here for a uh, Carmen Burzetto.” The mispronunciation of his last name caused Carmy to cringe. He nodded at the delivery person wanting to end this interaction as quickly as possible, he was presented with a package slip and pen quickly signing his name without paying attention. The package was handed off to Camry, tucking it under his arm he closed the door not giving the delivery person another second.

Walking to his kitchen Carmy set the box on his countertop confused at what it could be. He never ordered shit so he knew this wasn’t of his own volition, he found the packing sticker, the return address of his family home jumping out at him. He grabbed his only knife, cutting the box open. He could only assume that the package was from his mom, and what she felt the need to send him he had no clue.

Setting the knife to the side he quickly removed the medium-sized box covered in bubble wrap. Tearing at the protective wrap, he stopped as he realized exactly what he was looking at. Sitting on his counter staring back at him was a matte black box with a matching bow and envelope addressed to him; a box he had purposely left behind a month ago, the same night he had left you.

He checked the bottom of the now empty box the gift arrived in, hoping to find some sort of return slip, only to come up short. His gaze fell back on the present, hands moving up to tug at his hair. He couldn’t open it, didn’t think he deserved to. Not after having left you to wake up in a lonely bed the day after Christmas, no apology or excuse just you and a confused Richie wondering how he had suddenly been roped into dropping you off at the airport. Not with all the disappointment he had caused, he wasn’t worthy of the kindness you had shown him time and time again.

Carmy paced around his tiny kitchen, he could always ask Sugar or Mikey for your address. Returning the present he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he accepted. You were a great gift giver, so great in fact he had your gifts in a designated box that traveled with him everywhere he went the last couple of years; even Copenhagen a box of memories taking up space in the small boat house. Memories from the person who had held his heart long before he realized it for himself.

He stopped in front of the box, hands resting on his hips debating the pros and cons of opening the gift. In a way he owed it to you to open the box, sending it back would’ve just made him an even bigger asshole than he probably already was in your book. His hands reached out pausing on the edge of the countertop to calm the shaking. When he deemed himself stable enough he reached up to untie the velvet bow, the softness that caressed his fingers reminding him of what it had felt like to hold your neck in his hand as he thumbed the ink stain behind your ear.

How his breath hitched as you shamelessly told him the small letter permanently inked into your skin could have represented his last name if he wanted it to. Losing himself to memories, he wondered what would have ensued had he taken up your offer to let the brand on your skin represent a part of him. He had wanted to give in, wanted to paint your skin with more than a letter that he knew, in reality, had nothing to do with him. It confused him all the same though, hearing those words leave your lips felt like a cruel joke to him. He was just a grown-up version of the little boy that had been your best friend, was sure you were just in need of a distraction, and Carmy had laid the perfect opportunity in your lap by inviting you to spend the night with him.

He broke from his reverie dropping the loosened bow from his grasp, eyes landing on your pretty cursive that painted the black envelope with his name. His fingers traced over the letters, the closest thing he had to touching you at this moment. Holding the envelope in his hand Carmy’s gaze burned into it before setting it off to the side. He was already opening your present, he didn’t think he had the guts to find out what was hidden inside the ominous black envelope.

Carmy took one more deep breath before removing the top of the box from its joined position with the bottom part. Carefully unfolding the tissue paper to not rip it, he uncovered two decent-sized velvet bags with the logo reading ‘Made in’ in gold foil. Carmy carefully removed the two bags from the box, pushing the empty box off the countertop to make room. He opened the first bag confused at what was in his hands for a moment before something clicked and he sat the block upright. Grabbing the second bag he took out the heavy roll laying it down before quickly unrolling it, the unblemished metal reflecting the kitchen light onto his face.

He sat his hands on the counter, head dropping between his shoulders as he let out a deep sigh. He knew this had to have cost you a pretty penny, he could tell just by looking at the knife set. Unable to help himself he pulled the Chef Knife out, testing the weight of it in his hands, he carefully looked over the tool, appreciating the wood-like finish of the handle. Before he could return the knife to its rightful place his eyes caught sight of an engraving on the handle. Holding the knife up to his eyes he felt his breath hitch as he took in the letters, fingers ghosting of the initials ‘C.B.’ that had been a personal touch. One by one he removed the other three knives only to find that they had all indeed been engraved with his initials.

Carmy threw his head back, eyes staring at the ceiling as a sorrowful laugh escaped his lips. He felt a tightness in his chest as he tried to come to terms with what you had gifted him. The thoughtfulness and the care that you put into this gift proved to him that you had always been a better friend than he had ever been to you. The fact that you had gone out of your way to get his initials engraved into the set, something he knew definitely cost extra, squeezed at his chest. He wasn’t good at this shit and he hated it because you were, it came easy to you, the caring, the friendship, everything.

Carmy came back to earth choosing a spot to showcase his new knife set and block. Just because he didn’t have any guests over didn’t mean Carmy himself didn’t want to be able to marvel at the gift every time he came home. Unconsciously positioning them so they were the first thing his eyes landed on as soon as he stepped through the door. He stood there for some time just admiring the set, envelope lying forgotten on the countertop as he mentally berated himself for all the mistakes he made with you.

April 2019

Carmy had just returned home after a particularly rough shift. His chef coat was stained with whatever concoction his co-worker had spilt on him. Carmy felt like everything that could go wrong in the kitchen during his shift, did. He felt like he was off his game, constantly striving to be the best in the kitchen, working his ass off to show how much he belonged, how much he deserved to be there. The praise he desired was nowhere to be found instead being told he was “a worthless fucking idiot not even McDonald’s would hire.”

Not even the knife set he had set up three months ago could raise his spirits. He had half a mind to knock the fucking thing over, the metal mocking him the longer he stared in its direction. He threw his soiled chef coat on the cheap dining table chair he had acquired making his way to the fire escape, a much-needed smoke on his mind.

Sometimes he wondered what would happen if he just decided to give it all up one day. He never would, he knew that, but sometimes he just needed a few ‘what ifs’ to help calm him down. He would regret it, that’s what would happen and he’d probably be more miserable without it in his life than he was with it. He sat on the fire escape for a while burning through three cigarettes in all with the stress he was feeling.

Moving back into the apartment he made his way to the kitchenette hoping to make himself a quick PB&J and call it a night. He removed a cup from his dish drain running it under the faucet to refresh himself. He drank a quarter of the cup before moving to set it down on the countertop, hand missing by an inch as he practically slammed the glass into the countertop, the cup breaking on impact as his mail fell victim to the flood.

Carmy let out a sharp curse, the feeling of being cut racing through his palm as he dropped the remaining glass from his grasp. For a moment he just watched as his mail soaked up the water, before grabbing the closest dish towel and doing his best to clean up the mess. He dried the mail as best he could snatching it up to sit atop the little dining table where the air from the open window could hit it. Carmy glanced down at his palm, the cut was not deep enough to warrant any stitches, he used the damp dish towel as a makeshift bandage and wrapped his hand.

A black water-stained envelope caught his eye stopping him momentarily before he rushed to grab it, the lettering on the front already smeared and unreadable, “Fuck!” The loud curse reverberated off of his apartment walls as he ran to quickly flick on his stovetop, hoping the heat would help to dry out the contents. He stood over the stove envelope dangling over the burner careful to not let it get close enough to catch fire. If there was ever a day to finally face what he had been avoiding and open this damn envelope, today seemed like as good a day as any.

Zoning out Carmy stood there racking his brain for what the envelope could contain. A traditional Christmas card would have been the easiest thing to find in there, but he knew you didn’t do easy. That’s why he allowed the envelope to age on his countertop, whatever you had sealed into the sleek black pocket would be a tough pill for him to swallow.

The singe of his thumb brought him back to reality, the heat of the burner licking at his fingers burning his forefinger and thumb as he unconsciously dropped the envelope right onto the stovetop. “Shit! Fuck me!” The expletives left his lips as he forcefully plucked the envelope from its position and played hot potato with it before he was able to get it to the countertop. He brought his fingers to his lips aiming to soothe the throbbing in them.

Carmy stood with his hands on his hips, angry breaths leaving his nostrils as he tried to keep the slim thread of his calmness in check. Snatching the singed envelope from the countertop he made sure he still had a pack of cigarettes in his jean pocket before making his way out to his normal spot on the fire escape. The cheap lawn chair he had sat out there was a welcoming sight.

Plopping down in the chair Carmy lit a much-needed cigarette before stilling his shaking hands and delicately opening the envelope, not wanting to ruin something that had once been in your hands. He was right, things with you were never easy, because what he was hoping to be some cheesy Christmas card, was instead a folded letter with your pretty cursive dancing across the pages.

Head tilting towards the sky as Carmy tried to find strength in the cosmos, the weight of the letter settled into his lap where he had placed it to gain his bearings before diving straight in. Focusing back on the pages he carefully straightened them out; slight water damage had seeped through them but not enough to ruin them. Taking one last deep breath Carmy began reading the letter.

𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚,

𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒓𝒚. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒈𝒆. 𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰’𝒎 𝒂 𝒋𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒘 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚, 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚? 𝑨𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆, 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆.

𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝑰 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕��𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚’𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.

𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏’𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒖𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓. 𝑺𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒎𝒆, 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚. 𝑰 𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒚 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝑰 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒖𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒍. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒚.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅-𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘.

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆, 𝑰 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒘𝒉𝒐’𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒇𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇?

𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕 𝒗𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 ��𝒐𝒛𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑾𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆.

𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒘𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑴𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑵𝒂𝒕, 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝑹𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚’𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑰 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 ��𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝑨𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑹𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓 𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒇. 𝑰 𝒃𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆 ��𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏, 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒈𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒖𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆'𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒂 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒖𝒑. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒇𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏, 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐.

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝑩𝒆𝒓𝒛𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒐. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰’𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒂 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. 𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒃, 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒊𝒕?

𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒋𝒐𝒌𝒆? 𝑨𝒔 𝑰’𝒎 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒄𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝑩𝒆𝒓𝒛𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒐.

𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒕? 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐.

𝑵𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝑪𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔, 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. 𝑩𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒈𝒐 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚.

𝑼𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒇𝒆𝒘 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕.

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆. 𝑨𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒇𝒕, 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔,

Carmy let out a slight chuckle about your lack of knowledge in the culinary arts. He traced your closing signature fingers taking extra care when tracing over the longtime nickname in your sign-off. He allowed himself to let what he’d just read sink in, he was going to have to look for that article you mentioned. The tightness in his chest was ever present as he devoured every word you had written for him. He should’ve opened the letter sooner, he knew that now. He distracted himself from your words by digging through the discarded envelope fingers hoping to latch onto the pictures you mentioned.

He brought forth two aged Polaroid pictures. The first is a group photo of the five of you - Mikey, Richie, Sugar, You, and Carmy - all squished together in the photo. The date on Mikey’s hat reminded him exactly what the occasion was. The five of you were all huddled around The Beef’s booth, Mikey and Richie on the far left side, arms thrown over the other, big smiles directed at the camera. Sugar stood smiling in the middle hands placed on the cheap fold-out table in front of them. Carmy’s eyes drifted to the last two figures in the photo, the two of you taking up the right portion of the Polaroid.

There Carmy was sitting at the table relegated to manning the cash box because Mikey wouldn’t let him help with cooking. You were behind him, bending over to be at the same level as him, and your head sat comfortably next to his. Your arms were thrown around his shoulders, hanging off of him like a koala, your bright smile mesmerizing as it was directed at the camera. While you were looking at the camera, he was looking at you, head slightly turned in your direction, a small shy smile directed your way as he focused on you.

Carmy’s thumb came up to gently caress the 15-year-old versions of the two of you trapped in the Polaroid, the same small smile gracing his features as he remembered that day. He sat the picture in his lap before moving on to the next.

The second Polaroid was just the two of you. Dressed in your finest garments for senior prom, standing on the porch of the Berzatto home. He remembered that night, the night he took Claire to the prom and realized that no girl he took an interest in would compare to the way he felt for you. He focused on the old photo in his hand trying to ignore the lavish corsage your date had bought you.

The more he looked down at the photo, the more he decided it was his favorite of the two of you together. You and Carmy stood side by side, neither of you paying any attention to the camera, your body turned slightly into his as your right hand rested right where his heart was. His arm settled around your waist, both of you staring at each other, the picture capturing the moment Carmy knew he wanted more than a friendship with you. Right before the picture had been taken Carmy had whispered about how beautiful he thought you looked, he remembered the look in your eyes as his compliment caught you off guard, the way your eyes quickly flashed to his lips as he gave you his small shy smile.

Carmy patted his pockets before pulling out his wallet and slipping the photo into the clear partition. He collected the other photo and the letter you had sent him entering through the fire escape and heading to his kitchen. He found the random magnet that had been on his fridge since moving in and placed the group photo on his freezer.

He quickly maneuvered his way out of the kitchen, making his way to the closest in his bedroom. He rummaged through the mess looking for your designated box in his closet. Eyes finding the wrapped present he had meant to send you three months ago, even though it was April he was hoping you wouldn’t be too miffed about the lateness of your gift. He had tried to convince Mikey to send it for him but was called a “fucking idiot” before Mikey promptly hung up on him, and when he tried to ask Sugar for your address she told Carmy to ask you himself.

On top of not bringing you a present when he returned home for Christmas, it had taken a month to find a reputable seller for the specific vintage camera he was looking for. And another month on top of that to bargain with them and actually buy the camera, so Carmy thought he was doing a pretty good job for himself.

Making his way back into the kitchen Carmy sat the present on the countertop. He paced around the enclosed space, hyping himself up to make the call and ask for your address, and if he was lucky, maybe even invite you out to New York if you had any vacation days. He couldn’t help himself, although your letter to him was less than heart-warming, it ignited hope in him regarding you that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Leaning against the countertop, Carmy slipped his phone from his pocket. Opening up his contact list he scrolled down to your name, he clicked on it momentarily checking the time. It was 10 pm where you were, he knew you wouldn’t have been asleep yet. Carmy took one last deep breath before pressing the call button.

Camry listened to the phone ring as he placed it against his ear, foot tapping rhythmically against the linoleum. Eyes focused on your present sitting in his kitchen.

The tightness in Carmy’s chest intensified tenfold as he listened to the automated voice streaming through his ear.

“We’re sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.”

a/n: tag yourself, i’m carmy x self-sabotage : ) i almost changed carmy’s gift because i forgot his knife (the one he gave tina) already has his initials, but then i realized baby wouldn’t even know that and since carmy seems like the type to not spoil himself baby will lol. i promise carmy won’t be an asshole forever he’s just stupid atm. also i don’t know shit about culinary tools and i got caught up looking at pretty knives so i just picked my favorite 😭

let me know if there are any questions regarding the timeline and i’ll make a post about it or something!!

taglist: @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @yeehawbitchs @khena @kailyn-05 @ovaqma @fire-treasure-iii @frequentnosebleeder @gcidvrsh @awatt31 @cauliflowerpatch

[boykissr]

TIGHNARI ( RELATIONSHIP ) HCS !

tighnari x gn!reader

cw: character has not been released yet !!!!! i know nothing abt sumeru or tighnari i just rly wanna kiss him. ooc character !!!! nonsensical ramblings basically ( keep in mind that this is my first fic, please be nice <3 ) unedited :)

ur probably either a forest ranger or an adventurer

ygs spend like 24/7 together. not that you're complaining, but,,,,,

u two are basically attached at the hip

he is. so sweet to you??? always looking out for the both of you, too, as well as collei. after all, the forest is a dangerous place

oh, you're definitely a plant parent. you have so many plants in the house, sometimes it feels like you're still in the forest itself

he teaches u abt all the plants!!!! all of them!!! he jus wants to make sure that you don't poison yourself foraging, that's all... definitely not bcz he's excited to share so much knowledge w/ u.....

lunches!!!! in the rainforest!!!!! tighnari cooks, ofc. malewife material fr

he's made u learn so much abt the forest.. you dont even kno how u still remember it all tbh

after living together for a while, u begin to cultivate a love for all the things he teaches u abt. seeing him so excited makes u excited too <3

ima be honest when ygs started dating you weren't even sure if u were official or not, since he just. never addressed it???

after maybe your fifth or sixth date you finally asked. he said that he thought u both had already been in a relationship for weeks

"don't eat that"

he worries for u when ygs go out in the forest together

he rants abt his day to you <33 its amazing when he gets all sassy when talking abt something/someone that annoyed him

he was kinda hesitant abt u touching his ears n tail for a while..

like, it took quite a long time for him to trust u w/ that

when he does tho!!!!! he absolutely loves it

starts complaining if u dont brush his tail for him before bed

you give each other little presents u found in the forest. a shiny rock one day, a pretty leaf the next. every gift seems sweeter than the last

being w/ him u either have a lot of connections as well, or you're like completely oblivious to who ppl are

when you're sad, he tries to make u happy by making jokes or distract u by telling a story

most of the time those succeed in cheering you up

if that tactic doesn't work, he'll ask what he can do to help u, and is v quick abt it once you say what you need

silent evening moments where u 2 sit outside and just listen to the sounds of the forest <3

so many. books. everywhere.

u better love reading and learning when ur w/ this guy

on that note,,,, your birthday.

first thing, he'll give u a pretty potted plant <3 it probably does something as well- like perhaps it has healing properties, or it grows edible fruits. smth like that

u think that that's his only present to u

he then takes you to the market / bizarre and lets u pick out one thing- anything you want

then later he might take u to the forest to maybe look at cool plants and stuff!!!! to maybe calm down from all the noise n being around so many ppl

when he takes u back to ygs place, there suddenly a cake on the dining room table!!!!! omg haha when did that get there

he tells u that tbh he didnt know what the hell a "birthday cake" was.

he had to ask around a bit, and go thru some books. and then bake it himself, and successfully hide it from u and keep it preserved for the whole day

after cake you guys just sit porch / veranda and talk while the sun sets

i love him sm guys :(

[antiwhores]

Brand New; Bakugouxreader

After chasing you away when it was revealed that you were pregnant, you start a new life. The baby didn’t survive so your life was your own withiut trave of him. A life without Bakugou. Can he do the same as good as you? You’re happy. Is he?

TW: hurt, angst, no comfort for Bakugou, unwanted pregnancy, miscarriage, break ups, fighting (verbal), good ending for reader, not proof read, unprotected sex, hatred.

I was just in that angsty mood yk? Yall btw, i wanna cut my vagina off fr. And i dont want myears anymore. Whats the point of hearing if it only works sometimes?! Ugh.

You resented him. Bakugou was officially dead to you. In fact he had been dead to you for a while. But when he decided to pop up into your life and try to ruin it again. You were pissed.

During your sophmore year of highschool you were dating Bakugou. You two were childhood friends, attached at the hip. But when he decided that fucking with a faulty condom would be a good thing, even when you protested, it all changed.

He got you pregnant. All because he didn’t wanna wait to get his dick wet till he could get a new condom to replace of the one he’d been carrying in his pocket for the whole span of the 3 day camping trip you two took.

Didn’t he understand that this was a huge change for you too? No, he was selfish.

“I don’t have time for a damn child! Im trying to be a hero for gods sake!” “Okay?! You can’t just try to force and abortion on me like that you piece of shit! This was all you! And you think I don’t have shit to do with my life to?!” “Your life isnt as important as mine!”

You packed your shit and left that week. You never looked back. And you regret nothing.

You moved out to the far countryside of Japan. Somewhere hidden in the fog of a deserted, closed off town. You finished your highschool years in that small little village. You got to know everyone in the town. You went to college in another side of the outskirts and graduated with a degree that would keep you happy.

The baby didn’t survive, you didn’t even have time to think about whether or not you wanted to keep it before it died. You remember going to the doctor about a day or two after the incident to check on the parasite in your stomach. It was gone.

You remember laughing biterly, tears whelling up at what the doctor told you. All that bickering and loss just for a false alarm. You were sick.

Now, for the first time in a long time, you were happy. You were 24 with a house and car, a stable job, plenty of non-judging allies, friends and good relationships, financial stability, a nice area of living, and most of all; you were without him.

You swore never to step back into the city again unless absolutely necessary. Not even for family visits. The family that did want to see you came out to you instead of vice versa. You also made sure not to tell any of your old friends where you had gone.

You knew he patrolled the streets. Even if theres a small chance you’d see him again, you wanted to prevent that at all costs.

But apparently no matter how far you ran, the past ran faster.

Everyone in the town knew eachothers stories and you were no exception. The town knew that you had been betrayed by such a famous man. They were kind, they took down any advertisements for the man, they talked shit whenever he came up on tv, etc.

So of course all hell broke loose when he came to your small town to work on a case. They knew they needed to keep you away from him and they knew how.

So, as Bakugou was roaming the streets, spreading his bitter aura like the plague on everything he touched, you hid.

The plan was almost compromised when he met eyes with you breifly. You were in a neighbors house when it happened. Everyone had just been notified that he came through so you weren’t ready.

You dissapeared from the window as quickly as you came. Even though he beckoned himself a fool, a crazy man for even thinking his first love was in this building after all these years still as gorgeous as he remembers; he still found himself walking up to the door and placing a firm knock.

It was not you whom answered his knock but the neighbor. A tiny brown woman with glassy green eyes who looked about 25. A coldness wafted off of her as she questioned his reasoning for knocking. He felt like a borderline schizophrenic. According to himself, he was just so deperate to see her again that when he saw a woman around the same age as you he was stiff and stunned.

He packed his shit and left that week. He looked back. He regreted everything.

[lacontroller1991]

Burnt Skies (Rick Flag x Fem!Reader)

@h-hxgirl​

Requested by Anon: Saw this captain boomerang fanfic where he finds she's pregnant while they're on mission, I was wondering if you could maybe do something similar for Rick

Author's Note: He would be so protective of the reader fr fr, also this is gonna be angst angst angst so just beware

Warning: Death, pregnancy, language, blood, major character death, spoilers

“Hey (Y/N), you ready to go?” Rick’s voice echoed through the room before he halted, seeing you on the floor, head in the toilet.

“Yeah, give me a minute,” you replied weakly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand and flushing the toilet.

“Are you sure? Are you feeling alright?” He asked, rubbing your back as you looked up at him with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll meet you there,” nodding his head, he walked out the door with guns strapped to his body on his tac vest. Looking at your reflection, you noticed a slight greenish tint to your face. Ignoring the wave of nausea, you made your way out of the base and to the plane. Walking up the ramp, you took a seat next to Rick who looked at you with concern in his brown eyes.

“Baby, maybe you should sit this one out. You aren’t looking too hot,” he whispered in your ear as you brushed the notion off. After all, you did have a really bad gut feeling about this mission.

“I’m here. I’m going,” you stated firmly as he looked you over one more time before shrugging his shoulders, knowing it was of no use to argue with you.

----------

The plane ride was hell. With the criminals being loud and Harley’s non stop chatter accompanying your periodic bouts of nausea, you were ready to get the hell off of the plane and right into combat.

“Alright guy, get ready to drop,” Rick shouted as the cargo door opened to reveal water beneath you. Once he gave the signal, you jumped into the cool water and began to swim your way to the mainland, waiting for the rest of the team to catch up to you. After everyone, save for the Weasel, had made it to the shore, you glanced over to your boyfriend who was laying next to Harley.

“Hey guys, it’s me. I’m the guy who called you and I brought my friends,” Blackguard shouted into the open, raising his hands while ignoring the shouts coming from the rest of the team and your boyfriend, Waller’s distant cursing ringing in your ear. Next thing you know, there was gunfire in every direction and things went to chaos. You quickly sought shelter behind a rock and shot off a few rounds into the woods, hoping to take down some of the Corto Maltese soldiers. “(Y/N), watch out,” Rick shouted at you as you turned to see what he was talking about, but it was too late before a large piece of debris from one of the trees knocked you out cold.

You woke up to machines attached to your body. Feeling the bile rise in your throat, you tried to get out of the restraints and look for a place to dump the contents of your stomach. Suddenly a pan was placed in front of you and that was all you needed to release the bile. Groaning at the light, you looked around the room and was surprised to see a cleanish room which plenty of nurses occupied.

“Ah good, you’re awake,” a voice commented as a rough hand pulled your head back, forcing you to look up at one of the generals you were tasked to take out.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” You asked, squirming your body against the bed, trying to loosen some of the restraints.

“Mi amore, we are treating you. Seems you have caught a parasite,” he replied before summoning the nurse over to you, carrying a plate of food and some juice, “you’re government must really be struggling if they’re sending pregnant women into the field,” he mentioned as your blood ran cold.

“That’s impossible,” muttering to yourself, your head went fuzzy at the concept of you being pregnant. With Rick’s kid.

“On the contrary, when we brought in your friend and you, we noticed certain things,” motioning down to your stomach only brought awareness to the fact that you were practically naked in a room full of the enemy.

“Let me go,” you pleaded, pulling your arms as much as you could.

“I think not,” he replied before nodding to one of the nurses who moved to turn on a machine and attach it to your head. Screams of agony soon left your lips, blocking out the sudden spurts of gunfire in the halls.

----------

Harley laughed maniacally as she gunned down multiple soldiers, enjoying the way they were dropping to the floor. She needed to get out of there. She needed to find the others. After the last one dropped to the floor, she moved toward the door before hearing a piercing scream echo down the hallway.

“Sounds like someone’s having fun,” she ran her tongue against her teeth before skipping toward the scream. Slamming open the door, she raised the guns in her hand, ready to fire, until she saw you laying on the table surrounded by nurses.

“No one messes with Flag’s girl,” she muttered to herself before unloading the magazine in the room. All of the nurses slinked to the ground, covered in a pool of their own blood. Rushing over to you, Harley unstrapped the restraints and head piece before taking out the IV and looked for your clothes.

“Where the hell are ya clothes?” She asked, searching high and low before she found a bag filled with your bloody uniform. Helping you sit up, she noted the way you looked super frail but practically glowing at the same time.

“Harley,” you whispered out to her before passing out on her shoulder. “Awww, this would be really cute if not for the circumstances,” she stated out loud to herself, peering out of the window and seeing a guy in a helmet run across the street with Flag. Wait a minute, Flag! Running out the door, she ran around the corner before stopping in front of the two men.

“Hiya guys! What’s up?”

“We’re here to save you, is (Y/N) with you?” Rick asked with hope in his voice as Harley nodded, wrapping pale fingers around his wrist and dragging him back inside and through the pile of bodies she had claimed. At the sight of you, Rick ran to your side and hugged your limp body.

“What’s wrong with her?” He asked, fighting the tears that were beginning to surface.

“Don’t worry puddin’, she’s just asleep,” shrugging her shoulders, she left the room as you stirred, fluttering your eyes open.

“Rick?” You questioned as he rapidly nodded his head, placing kisses all along your face.

“Thank God you’re ok. I thought I lost you.”

“Rick, the doctors found something,” memories of the conversation you had moments ago replayed in your brain. You’re pregnant.

“I’m pregnant,” you whispered, mind still not comprehending the fact that you were pregnant. After all, you had been infertile most of your life. Avoiding his gaze, you waited for his response.

“How?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m going to be a dad,” he whispered, causing your head to snap up and see a smile play against his face.

“You want this? I don’t know if it’ll carry to term. You know that I’m infertile.” Placing his lips against yours, he pulled you into his arms, hugging you as close as he could to his body. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kissed back before a throat clearing interrupted you.

“This is sweet and all, but we have a fucking monster to kill,” DuBois stated as you looked up at Rick who smiled.

“Stay here, I’ll come back and get you.”

“I’m not leaving your side,” you replied as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“You’re pregnant. No way in living hell am I gonna allow you to do this. You’ll stay here and that’s an order,” you and he both hated when he had to pull his rank, but you realized it was necessary in cases like this.

“Just come back to me,” pulling his lips down against yours for what feels like the last time, you encoded this moment into your brain, remembering the way he tasted.

“For you? Always.”

----------

He should’ve known you were going to follow them into Jotunheim. Not only were you stubborn, but you still had that nagging feeling that something was going to happen. Sneaking past the military, you found a window and busted it open with your elbow before entering the building. Landing with a soft thud, you looked around the room and noticed Peacemaker going down a dark tunnel. Running after him, you made sure to stay hidden by the numerous pillars. Peering around the corner, you saw Ratcatcher standing next to Rick, however Peacemaker was pointing a gun at Rick.

“Nobody is saying what they did was right,” Peacemaker stated, hand unwavering.

“They experimented on children!” Rick yelled as more explosions went off in the distance.

“That information gets out and it causes an international incident. Keeping the peace is worth any price, including the life of a hero like yours, sir, so please. Don’t make me do this,” your stomach churned. You knew that Captain America wannabe was no good, and now your love might just pay the price. Suddenly, rocks collapsed all around you, obscuring your view of Rick and Peacemaker.

“No,” you whispered to yourself, picking up rocks and trying to make a hole for you to get your body through. Your efforts became faster the more you heard the two men grunting. After successfully digging a hole big enough for you, you crawled through as you heard something like porcelain shatter and choking.

“You mother fucker,” Rick stated through gritted teeth as you watched in slow motion, Peacemaker’s hand grasping a large shard.

“Rick!” You shouted out before tackling him off Christopher’s body, not getting out of the way soon enough as Peacemaker lodged the porcelain into your lower abdomen. “No!” Rick shouted as Peacemaker threw you off. In the distance somewhere, you heard a gun go off before hands wrapped around your body. “(Y/N)? (Y/N)?” Rick called to you but you couldn’t hear him, your mind venturing off.

----------

The sun lit your face through the blinds, dancing in your eyes and creating a multitude of hues, a warm body pressed against you.

“Morning sweetheart,” voice deep from slumber, Rick rubbed his eyes as he let out a yawn. Stretching in bed before your 5 year old daughter came running into the room.

“Mommy, daddy. It’s Christmas!” She squealed excitedly, waking up the baby that was next door.

“Yeah it is baby, you excited for your presents?” You asked as she rapidly nodded while Rick slid out of the bed.

“I’ll go grab little Digger,” he commented, kissing your forehead and your daughter’s head. Getting up, you went to grab a coffee before the doorbell rang. Moving to open it, you saw Harley’s painted face waiting for you with Nanaue, Cleo, Robert and Abner carrying presents.

“Merry Christmas dollface,” she exclaimed, pulling you in for a hug before running off to see her god daughter.

“Come in guys,” you motioned for them to enter as Rick rounded the corner, your 10 month old in his arms.

“So this is the little guy, huh?” Cleo asked as Sebastian waved a hand at the newborn, earning giggles from the baby.

“Yep, Digger Anthony Flag, meet your family,” Rick lifted up the baby’s arm, making him wave to everyone.

“I’m proud of you guys,” Robert commented, slapping a hand on Rick’s back as everyone shuffled into the living room, Nanaue taking up most of the space.

“Thanks man, it wouldn't have happened without you.”

“Alright, everyone ready for presents?” You asked the room with Harley by your side, Harleen in her arms. Rick placed Digger in Cleo’s arms before walking up to you and bringing you into his side.

“I love you, Mrs. Flag.”

“And I you, Mr. Flag.”

----------

Groaning, you felt an excruciating pain in your abdomen and a feeling of loss?

“(Y/N), baby, you’re awake,” his tired voice resonated in your ear as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, his hand not leaving yours.

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” you commented as he sniffled, trying to suppress the tears that threatened to escape.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he noted, petting your hair and placing another kiss on your forehead.

“And leave our kid without a father? I don’t think...”, realization dawned on you at that moment. The sudden feeling of loss and the pain in that general area washed over you as you began crying. “Oh God, the baby is gone, isn’t it?” You asked through tears as he let a couple slip down his face, nodding and trying to smile through the pain. Choking back a sob, you turned your face away from him as tears continued to fall.

“Hey, look at me,” he whispered, squeezing your hand. Shaking your head, you refused to meet his hazel eyes, “(Y/N), look at me.” Turning your head, your eyes locked onto his as he continued to smooth down your hair.

“We’re alive. We’re both alive. That’s all that matters,” he replied, crawling into the hospital bed with you and pulling you against his chest as you cried into his shirt.

“What if I never get pregnant again?”

“We will. I’ll make sure of it. I’m done with the fucking task force. Waller can find someone else to puppet. But I’m done. You’re done. We’re gonna get married and have a nice house. I’ll get a new job and we’ll figure it out. I promise.” Kissing the top of your head, he wrapped his arms around you as you calmed down.

“I love you,” you whispered against his chest as he hugged you closer.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Author’s Note: Well this was way longer than I intended it to be. But hope you enjoy!!

[whining-ylthin]

2. "Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix" (Netflix, 2023)

THEY MADE A SHOW ABOUT A TALL-DARK-HANDSOME BROODING ONE-ARMED PRETTBOY WHO'S HELLA GAY FOR A ROBUST BEARISH MAN SEEKING TO UPEND A BROKEN, UNJUST SYSTEM, AND I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT IT.

HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THIS BADLY?!

On a more serious note though, it's basically like a 6/10. Pretty, but also short, hollow and disappointing, just like me fr.

Overly jaded rant time.

Calling this show "We have Edgerunners at home" feels both disingenuous and unfair to Laserhawk, but also painfully accurate - both are fast-paced, sub-12 episodes cyberpunk-themed animated dramas aimed at adult viewers, except Edgerunners' ten episodes are a tightly paced and written emotional nuke while Laserhawk's six episodes start off too fast to make you attached to anyone, and then spin their wheels on a massive backstory dump that ends up invalidated by the plot-twist triple-cross cliffhanger ending that I couldn't care less for even without taking into account the fact that Netflix is a fickle mistress and constantly axes their original shows. We start out with a Suicide Squad-like scenario that very quickly falls off the track because the show only has 6 episodes - the Squad disbands by ep. 3, and the remaining episodes are, again, a setup for a giant red herring, sudden plot-twist that means nothing to me because of how little I get to learn about the characters and the world, wasted "heroic sacrifice" moment and a bloody cliffhanger in a Netflix show.

Edgerunners was a story about a group of people doomed to push themselves over the edge and die in a struggle within and/or fight against an oppressive system so much bigger than them. Laserhawk is... similar? In theory? As if Adi Shankar and his team grabbed the bulletpoint notes left behind by Trigger and CDPR, and tried to roughly copy the story beats into a narrative framework too frail and chaotic to support it.

The visuals are good. The animation is smooth, the artstyle is simple enough to prevent the Netflix Castlevania Jank Problem (also known as "we're trying to rip off Vampire Hunter D on a fraction of the budget and production time"), the designs taken in a vacuum are rather neat, the backgrounds are well-done and the directing is snappy - some of the scene transitions were really neatly done. I like the artstyle shift gimmick except for the "live action" splices (IMO they overstay their welcome) and the quasi-retro video game theming is cool, even if it feels... pandering, on the verge of that very cynical "look at the thing you like, GAMER, now CLAP AND CONSUME THE PRODUCT" stance. The voice-acting is competent if sometimes struck by the Netflixvania "voice actors talking in lowercase" type of direction, and the dialogue itself isn't jarring, but it's not exactly memorable either. Same goes for audio - the soundtrack is well-done, and the occasional use of licensed songs again reminded me of Edgerunners, but the tracks chosen are either not particularly memorable or the scenes paired up with them lack the emotional impact to make "[Carpenter Brut playing]" something worth remembering.

Finally, I have a bit of a gripe with the show's treatment of queerness - the way Dolph and Alex's relationship is VERY aggressively front-and-center feels almost like it's too much, as if the writers feel the need to constantly bash me with a sign reading "these two men are GAY and they have PASSIONATE SWEATY GAY SEX, ARE YOU ENTERTAINED BY THIS, TUMBLR USER WHINING-YLTHIN" rather than portray a more natural working-romantic relationship between them, but even if we chalk it up to me still having unresolved hangups with internalized homophobia and living in closet for years... well, I have bad news for y'all, you can't really say the same about the show's take on Pagan Min - an effeminate queer man who wears pink, uses lipstick, is up and front (sometimes literally) with his kinky sex life, and who's also a cruel, power-drunk gangster who turns into a cowardly pathetic pissbaby the moment he's no longer backed by armed goons. The showrunners and artists sure worked hard to make you actively despise and look down at a villain who juuust so happens to also be the kind of queer person who's already frequently targeted by bigotry in real life, and at one point it feels like the show is this close to dropping a line about Pagan being the "wrong" kind of gay. Following it up with an otherwise out-of-nowhere spiel about Dolph still struggling with his own insecurities and closet doesn't magically erase this whole problem, either, it just highlights that the production team was most likely aware of this unfortunate framing and tried to sweep it under the rug.

By the way: when I started out watching, I was surprised by the fact that I haven't really seen any of my mutuals posting NSFW with the show's characters except for Bullfrog - but by the end I absolutely understood why the only thing from Laserhawk that caught any real traction with people was the godddamn Asssassin's Creed French Frog Joke Character. Aside from the very weird premise, the increasingly diminished pop-cultural staying power of Ubisoft games (for what little it means - all pre-existing characters are so heavily redesigned and rewritten they barely have anything in common with the source material) and lack of marketing (I only got around to watch it because GF's moot recommended the show to her and she recommended it to me), half the show is too barebones and the other half is too uninteresting to make a bigger wave in online spaces.

Ylthin's Media Thread thingy for the tail-end of 2023 and 2024:

Normally I'd do it on Twitter but I fully expect that site to collapse in 6 months.

Glen Cook, "Czarna Kompania"/"Cień w ukryciu" ("Black Company"/"Shadows Linger") (Rebis, 2009 Polish edition, 2022 reprint)

I'm starting this list somewhat off the curb - I've finished the 2nd novel from this omnibus release just now, but I've also read the first one earlier this year... and I don't have much to say about either, honestly. The prose is kind of clunky and awkward in a way that takes a moment to adjust to, and without directly comparing the Polish translation to the English original I can't tell how much of this unwieldiness is due to poor translation job and how much of it is just inherent to Cook's style. You're not reading this book for its characters, either - most of them are memorable only because of constant exposure, as names that you eventually learn to map to a broad role in the story or one, maybe two vague personality/appearance traits. What carried me through was what I can broadly describe as "vibes" and long-term significance of Black Company books - or maybe the wave of genre-fiction they were a part of. It certainly wasn't the first grim and gritty fantasy series out there, and the backside blurb's boasts about how Cook "brought the fantasy genre down to the level of common men" are very overblown (the books are literally about an evil sorceress' plan for world domination clashing against her messy divorce with her Dark Lord husband and a prophecy about the "divine savior" figure coming back further pissing into her breakfast), but I can still notice the seeds of interesting ideas being planted here and there (thank you MandaloreGaming for making me aware of Myth games, shame that they're downright impossible to legally obtain anymore), and the grit (while going for a very predictable "everyone is utterly miserable and the whores will give you all the STDs" route, and feeling more like catnip for 14-year-old boys rather than genuine "maturity") fortunately doesn't cross the line into unbearable edgelord territories yet. It was a part of the same wave of dark fantasy that either molded me directly (through Sapkowski's The Witcher novels and "Berserk"), indirectly (through a thousand imitators years down the line, from local fantasy authors of the 2000s to video games - Heroes of Might & Magic 5 in particular was retrospectively very blatantly inspired by Warhammer Fantasy), or infected me with sudden-onset brainrot in my mid-20s (Warhammer 40.000), and I can definitely feel and appreciate it even if I find these books to be rather mediocre so far.

I just wish I could get my hands on Moorcock's Elric books without going through a dozen hoops, but I guess I'll make do with Cook, Erikson and the odd Warhammer novel for the time being.

Oh, and this cover art? That tattered "dashing rogue" look, that borderline fractal leather-and-cloth patterning, the random spiky structures in the background? The long bob hair and goatee look straight out of the music video for "Imperium" by Machine Head? A cover that makes you think not even of actual early 2000s buttrock, but of Stuart Chatwood emulating it for Prince of Persia: Warrior Within's soundtrack? Hillariously mismatched with the actual novels. I haven't seen a choice this baffling since reading my dad's faded mid-90s pulp booklet edition of Ursula LeGuin's "Rocannon's World" paired up with either Vallejo or Frazetta sword-and-sandals artwork.

[reminem69]

alright what is my nygmobblepot college au??

title's self-explanatory, ed and oz are college students who slowburn fall in love

they're both freshman who end up being dormmates

ed's there for a bachelors in forensic science and oswald's getting a bachelor's in wildlife biology

edward also is minoring in psychology and oz is minoring in business

basically two autistic queer guys with a shit ton of baggage try to get through college together

also the riddler and the penguin arent things in this, ed is very much like s1/pre-riddler ed and oswalds basically the same just. less crime and killing djfghfkdhjg

i dont wanna spoil actual plot bc i wanna turn this into a fic, but here's ed and oswald's backstories <3

ed's a 20y/o nonbinary trans man who uses he/they

he's also autistic and has anxiety and deals with chronic pain (he's just like me fr <3333)

his mom left when he was really young and his father was super abusive

he doesn't remember most of his early childhood due to abuse and memory issues; memories get clearer around highschool

he met kristen in freshman year

she was stuck in an abusive relationship at the time

her father was really misogynistic and terrible to her mother, so she learned those kinds of behaviors from her parents

ed wasn't out at the time (but knew he was trans) so kristen was a lot kinder to him than when they met in canon

she still thinks he's weird but they kind of become friends

long story short, ed starts to help her realize the abuse she's going through and the unhealthy patterns she's learned

through their early high school years, ed helps her unlearn that and get out of the bad relationship shes in

he also finally comes out to her and she accepts him (after being kinda weird abt it at first bc. transphobic dad gkjfhgk)

in turn, she helps ed realize the abuse he's going through

ed also gets really attached to kristens mom

kristens mom is actually a really nice lady, she just has a shit husband and was taught she should be treated like that

kristen getting out of that mindset actually helps her mom get out of it too and she kicks her husband out of the picture

did i mention kristens parents are stupid rich

even after her husband leaves, her mom still is pretty wealthy

when ed finally turns 18, he gets the fuck out of there and lives with kristen and her mom

through all this, ed and kristen try dating and its good for a while

but they realize they're better friends

kristens mom becomes like a mom to ed

she ends up paying for ed's college, hormone therapy, top surgery, name change, and therapy

he's eternally thankful to her

he goes to community college and gets his associates in forensics

kristen goes with him and gets an associates in english

after they've gotten their associates, ed goes to an out of town four year where he meets oz

kristen stays in town, but they still call/talk often

now time for oswald heehee

he's a 21y/o trans guy who uses he/him

gertrud raised him alone, claiming his father was dead

she was extremely overbearing and heavily attached to her son to an unhealthy level

he was bullied a lot as a child

he's also autistic and has adhd <3

he still has his limp, but he gets it in middle school after some kids broke his ankle and gertrud took care of it herself instead of taking him to a doctor

he has a cane which he uses most days

he realizes he's trans very early on in his life and gertrud was very supportive

she let him transition socially and changes his name legally around high school

if she had the money for it, she would have absolutely payed for surgeries and such

at the time of the au, his names changed legally and hes on T (payed for himself)

he has a special interest in penguins and wants to be an ornithologist so he can work with them

he focuses a lot on science in school and always gets A's in it

usually gets b's and c's in everything else (and only gets that high of grades bc he doesn't wanna disappoint his mom)

he goes to community college for an associates in biology

right after his senior year of high school, gertrud starts to get really sick

she refuses to go to a doctor so oswald is balancing taking care of her, having various part time jobs, and getting his associates

its a big rough patch for him and his mental heath takes a huge dip at the time

when he gets his degree and finds the college he wants to go to (which is out of state), he realizes he cant leave his mom the way she is and cant go to college financially yet

so he takes a gap year to earn money and keep taking care of gertrud

he finally gets her to go to a doctor and gets her on medication

when the end of his gap year rolls around, he has enough money to get by on financial aid without any loans

he finally moves out, still talking to his mother often and keeping a eye on her health (though she doesn't tell him much)

now theyre both in college and the au actually starts dfjghfdkjhg! yes i have more backstory for the au than actual plot for it leave me alone <3 basically i love them

i have no idea how the other characters fit into this btw jghkfjdgkdfjhg they will exist at some point but for now they dont heehee

@monarch-max tagging u since u replied to my post <3

[theepisceswriter]

Sending nudes/sexting w/ JJK characters (Nanami, Toji, Gojo, Mei Mei)

Synopsis: Do y’all need one fr? I think the title is self explanatory

TW: mature things obviously, GN!reader, typos like always, nothing outside or masturbation and nudes really, 18+, MINORS DNI!

NANAMI

Yeah, yeah you miss Nanami’s cuddles, kisses, hugs, and all that soft shit when you spend the whole day without him because of his work schedule, but you also miss that long schlong that’s attached to him. Work has given him such a hectic schedule that sometimes you go a week without having any sex and it drives you crazy and Nanami might not show it, but it drives him crazy as hell too. He’s just praying for an off day so he can get that sweet release from you that he needs.

Though sexting is not the same as physical sex, any form of sexual attention from him is needed. So, bravely one day you decided to send him a picture of you in nothing but one of his button ups barely covering your body while he’s at work. To be fair, you did wait until a time when you knew he usually wasn’t busy and the office was nearly empty.

When I tell you this photo has him blushing like a school girl and horny immediately; he forgets how to breathe for a good two minutes and it takes the sound of someone’s footsteps to bring him back to reality and remember the setting he was in. 

You see, sexting really isn’t Nanami’s cup of tea. He’s big on intimacy and physical touch and sexting hardly fulfills any of his desires. He’d much rather have you in front of him in person. You see those three little lines pop up thinking he’s going to describe to you in detail what he’s going to do to you once he gets off and how much he’s been feening for you too, but no! Instead, all you get is a text that reads “On my way.”

Nanami isn’t the type to call off of work or leave early, but it’s from that picture that he realizes how wanting you must be for him and he can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt, but also realize just how bad he’s been wanting you. The drive home for him is 30 minutes? He’s making it home in like 10, knuckles gripping the wheel and all as he thinks about rushing home to you and your body.

He doesn’t even greet you when he comes in the house. Immediately opting to connect his lips to yours to initiate the long night between you two that’s going to unfold.

“My poor baby. I’ve been so neglectful to you lately, haven’t I? I’m sorry, I’m going to make it up to you so good tonight. Lay back and let me take care of you tonight.” And take care of you is exactly what he does.

TOJI

You could text Toji for hours on end, tell him your house got burned down and you now live in Bikini Bottom with Sponge-bob, and he still wouldn’t budge. He doesn’t even have to be out doing a job, if he doesn’t see it as urgent urgent then he’s getting back to you in like 2-3 business days minimum.

Let you send him a text that’s like “Currently in bed thinking about you with my hand between my thighs because I haven’t seen you all day.” And all of a sudden his fingers are moving fast like lightening as he texts you back. 

Most likely going to respond with something like “I’ll show you mins if you show me yours” Because that man is a menace that should be locked up. You don’t even have to send one for real though because three minutes later your phone is pinging with a dick pic from him; two bottles resting on dick just to show how big it is because he’s a show off. Might even send you a video of him moving it without his hands in return for some soapy titty pics.

Nudes of you make him go absolutely feral and has him in the bed huffing and puffing as he uses his hands to recreate the feeling of you, but you would never know that because he responds with shit like “So sexy looking”

He’s kinda ass at sexting lowkey.

He’s not too big on dirty talk while sexting, pictures and videos say everything that he needs to, but guarantee that he brings it up once the two of you are finally able to meet up in person. “So you said you were going to do what now to me?” “Sre we going to do what we talked about in those messages or whatr?” Of course, he holds you to your word and the two of you indeed do what you said over text. 

GOJO

You already knew what the night was going to be like as soon as you got that “U up?” Text from Gojo. Not only was it almost 1 in the morning, but the two of you hadn’t seen each other physically in almost a month and you could just hear the desperation in his voice from when he had called you earlier talking about how much he missed you; him being in front of others being the only thing stopping him from going into great detail about what exactly he missed.

You didn’t even need to reply to him. The fact that you had read it was enough confirmation for him and minutes later you were getting sent a video with his dick as his thumbnail, just out and erect with his hand at the base of it and some lubricant covering it to make it look shiny and presentable.

“Fuck, y/n. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about you bouncing up and down on my cock all month long. I need you so bad right now.” The sweet moans of your name leaving his mouth and the bucking of his hips into his hands once you pressed play on the video were enough to get you in the mood as well. Quickly you’re stripping your clothes off and sending him videos of you in all types of angles, but that’s not enough for him.

Next thing you know he’s facetiming you and the two of you are on the phone having a mutual masturbation session. The sight of each of you two getting off to each other getting off was enough to make both of you cum more than once. It takes him going completely soft and finally getting all that pent up sexual tension out of him to finally hang up.

MEI MEI

Someone get this woman an only fans account because the horny content she sends you should not be free. When I say this woman puts work into the videos and pictures she sends to you, I mean it.

I’m talking a ring light set up to make her angles look appeasing, special lingerie just for pictures to take to send to you, and a phone with amazing quality. She goes all out for you like a professional because she wants you to use them more than once, she wants to make some quality spank bank material for you so you wont even think about going on twitter again when you’re horny.

Tell me shouldn’t have a very popular OnlyFans. You can’t cause you’d be lying to yourself.

She’s such a big tease. She’d send you a picture of her titties all oiled up in a bikini that’s barely covering anything but her nipples along with a text message that’s like “They miss you );” .....While you’re at work because she’s just such a tease like that.

Glances inside of her underwear, boomerangs of her shaking her ass for you, and quick glimpses of her nipple; anything but giving you the real thing. Her whole objective with nudes is to make you want her more and show you what you’re missing out on by not being with her in the moment.

It’s not until you’re sending pictures and videos of yourself begging you to help her out that she finally does and it’s still not with pictures or videos in return ! Instead, she’ll text you through your orgasm in vivid description of what she wants to do to you and bring up past sexual experiences like, “Remember that time when we I picked you up from work and we couldn’t wait until we went home so we fucked right there in the backseat of the car?”

Big on helping you visualize things, so honestly you don’t even need her to go all out.

[saintobio]

Well Saint you have broken my heart with that last chapter was amazing by the way, I really feel for out girl Y/n because she is right not matter what she does people always give her shit for it wither it be friends or family and that phone call from Momojo was really out of line I hope someone puts her in her place soon because she needs to she the light and I have a theory and sorry if this sounds all screwed up I am like half awake so for the first since you left it off with the letter about Sachi's custody I think that Y/n would win it because doesn't Ian and Gen still have evidence against him to what he did/treated Y/n in the beginning of there marriage in SN and that it self it going to be messy but honestly I just want Everyone x Therpay to endgame because some people need it, if you make Gojohime endgame I could see it but then I can't because if Gojo gets to move like that with no problems I don't think it's fare because Y/n will have to watch him move on with her former bestie like that shit is a tough pill to swallow and also the fact both Gojo and Utahime get to a actually fall in love is kinda heart breaking while Y/N just is in the background witching them I think she would still be supportive but still depressed I mean she had her son taken away( in this theory he won the custody case), watch her former ex husband and best friend live there happily ever after while just get... nothing I hope our girl Y/N can pull threw for the sake of Sachrio and to be honest I don't know who I want to be endgame but my heart tell me GojoYN for ever, so they can eat fried chicken with there little muchiikn and Saint if you want and you don't have to can you give us one picture like a hint to what is going to happen next chapter I hope work is going well for you and everything else to can't wait for the next chapter so that you can make me cry so more😭😢

aaaaaah the way you’re writing this ask makes me feel guilty for all the angst i’ll put u guys through 😭

Anonymous said

I just can't imagine how lonely yn must feel, with everyone being against or being disapproving with her. I understand Gojos anger, but ultimately I will always be on yns side. She tries so hard to make up for 1 mistake she made (some would say she was in the right) and still people antagonize her so much. None of this would have happened, if their marriage didn't got fucked over by everyone, including Gojo. I just want her and sachi to be happy😭💔. BTW funny how Sera was the catalyst AGAIN 💀

Anonymous said

I hate that the world rewards bad people and punishes good people like yn 😭😭😭that’s so fucked up pls i hope this has a cathartic ending esp with all the depression and heavy themes and angst in it. Idc if it’s a good or a bad ending, I just hope it’s cathartic. We all need it tbh 💀💔

Anonymous said

genuinely you’re the only fucking writer who makes me angry in the best way possible, like i have never felt so much fucking rage in my whole entire life except for when i read your work, AND NOT IN A BAD WAY, like a “i hate these bitches and how they treat yn” WAY, BECAUSE I SEE YN AS A DIFFERENT CHARACTER AND I GET SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED THAT WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS I GET SO MAD OR UPSET AND AHHHHHHHH IM SO ANGRY satoru literally remembers all the shit he put her through and still went “yeah fuck this bitch, she deserves to have her whole life destroyed because /I/ traumatised her and made her think that telling me our son was dead was her only way of escaping my abuse.”

i genuinely hope yn ends up with toji, or even just fixes her relationship with him and they just do that best friends who get married for stability thing, LIKE A PLATONIC MARRIAGE, this girls first marriage was so shit she needs a taste of a healthy loving marriage even if it’s platonically. also hope ian helps yn out with this legal business, fuck satoru fr i don’t give two shits about his ass. idc if he was depressed from potentially losing his child, he needs to realise these are the consequences of his own actions, no way in hell would yn ever have suggested faking an abortion if it wasn’t for his abuse AND his possession over her, genuinely sometimes it felt like he thought he owned her just cuz she had his last name and his child in her womb…

please let me know if anything i said was out of line, i got a little emotional and frustrated towards the end lmfaooo

YOU GUYS IM SORRYJF :(( all my yns really suffer…. this isn’t new. let’s just hope she’s gonna end up happy soon 😫

Anonymous said

saint this is u rn: "happy ending for my yns? what's that? here, take this cup full of pain and suffering instead, together with a side of tragic"

i hate how i started reading this series because i had hope that this was just a very angsty fic that's gonna have a happy ending but now... im on a high speed floorless rollercoaster ride with no way to get off 🙃 i can't believe i got myself into this mess, i don't read fics with heavy angst and unhappy endings because that's like a double blow to me but this series is so addictive i- 🥲

btw can i say that im very impressed with your vocabulary and way of writing :O how you managed to juggle your work and personal life as a fanfic writer with high quality works is beyond me. thank u for the recent chapter and i hope you are taking a break before writing for the next one!!

thank u!!!! it’s def a struggle, esp these days since my work has become twice more hectic than it was :’( but i hope you’ll continue to enjoy what i put out (and yes this one’s a rollercoaster 😛 my poor yn will be tested)

Anonymous said

omg saintttttt dgskekwlwk

first of all,,,, THE RECENT CHAPTERWW WAS VERY 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻😭😭 though i didn't cry, i felt like throwing up(literally pls i think i'm sick😷) pls momjo makes me so mad i wanna slap her til i break my hands😡 CAN U PLS RESURRECT YN'S MOM WITH UR AUTHOR POWERS PLESS I WILL PAY WITH MY SOUL😭😭😭😭

my cousin wrote a poem(it hurts ssjsk) and it made me think of if/when gjhm endgame and it ends in a wedding😭 pls the poem was soooooooo gooood like djslalhsk. she knows abt sn/sy btw but she hasn't been updated though. she was shooked when i told her that it reminds me of sy(you'll get it when u read the poem) jgahagah i wanna share the poem but its in tagalog though dhdksk and idk how to translate it properly plss😢 buut maybe i'll share it if i get her permission so yeahhhhh

crying and throwing up right with u, yn truly does need her mom atp 😭😭 and oooh a poem :’) i’d love to read that one day!!

Anonymous said

hi, saint! thank you for writing a good-to-cry fiction idk it feels really nostalgic to ready your fic after all of the businesses in my life, please keep writing you always doing great 💕 as someone who wanted gojoyn’s endgame the thing i have imagined before sincerely yours was written is finally happening 😭😭😭😭😭 i can’t hold myself to cry and if in the end they weren’t together i’ll admit it, it’s the best way for them to live. because twin-flames isn’t always meant to be together. i just hope they got a proper closure to end their story and learn from it. once again i thank you to make me feel things when i was confused about how i felt 😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕

p.s. lmfao sera 🤭🤣

tbh i just run to sy whenever i’m feeling angsty with life bc i tend to dump all my emotions in this fic HSJDJD if it gets too emotional, that means i’m going through a rly tough period in my life :))