#but for the past couple weeks every time im left alone w my thoughts my brain eventually reminds me of things id rather not be reminded of

[circuslollipop]

cant enjoy some of my favorite songs rn every so often theres an innocuous post that triggers intrusive thoughts why is my brain like this!!!

[milkeyrainbow]

Why can’t I just ask for help, a talk about how fucked my thoughts are…

Why my face brightens up and that fucking smile won’t come off each time I’m asked if I’m alright I automatically say “ Always and it’s wonderful “ while tightening my fists inside my pockets distracting my head from my scars that won’t stop itching and reminding me how much my skin carves more and it might be wonderful if I feed it my blood…

WHY IT TAKES HOURS TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER AFTER MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND DAYS OF GUILT, DISAPPOINTMENT, SELF DISGUST THEN ANGER TILL I RAGE HARMING AND START A CIRCLE OF ALIENATION.

And when it hits at work or in public, I might just… disappear for a moment and be back within blink of an eye👁️ no pain, no thoughts, no regrets, just more LIES AND THAT FAKE HAPPINESS AND PLAY PRETENDING THAT I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE AROUND… So I can burn down mentally, drain myself from every little positivity hidden inside me, come back home hoping that it’s the last trip of my life…

Realise what I’ve done to myself; just a little scratch to ground my thoughts and irritating itching, will be gone by tomorrow…- It won’t be gone, because it wasn’t just a “scratch” never was, never will be, just dirty, deep, trench dug deep under my skin that should be cleaned and stitched up or at least sealed tightly…

And the circle is closing… How could I let it happen? Why didn’t I just tell someone I’m not fine? I’m sure it was just a mark but.. I don’t even know anymore…

Now I’m sitting on the bathroom floor gazing into nothing, I hear the whispers, random conversation between people I care about, I know… I’m alone, nobody knows about my pretty little shiny mask I just wore crashing and falling into pieces… “ I forgot my prescription pills again… Well it ain’t helping shit” thinking that maybe the voices ain’t real but they’re right, I know- I am a fucking monster, I’m a lier, I’m useless, waste of air, a piece of flesh with no soul, IM NEVER ENOUGH, that’s why my father died, my grandparents, my friends, my dog- the only sunshine I’ve had left my childhood loyal friend, baby, reason I’m alive… GONE… I should join them… NO I SHOULD BREATHE AND GET THESE FUCKING PILLS all of them at once JUST ONE PLEASE ye one for each voice that’s getting louder and one for each death you caused I CANT BREATH I CANT THINK ITS TOO LOUD!

It’s cold I’m shivering on a bathroom floor, I’m naked and there’s blood all over me, my head hurts, I need something for that headache, I need to take pills and iron tablets… I don’t want to look, I don’t want to know, just lukewarm bubble bath… it burns, I don’t care anymore, I failed myself again, the weight and sick fear against myself crushes me down, I won’t be able to wash it off, NHS… well… pills might calm down vocal hallucinations but won’t calm down my thoughts and physical sickness I’ll carry with me for the next couple of weeks…antipsychotics and sleeping tablets are addictive so I’ve been told to go for a evening walk before going to bed *Qualified staff* NHS and my doctors didn’t stand even close to “qualified people” but I’ll take an advice…

And here I am, on the edge of a trespass bridge above M25, smoking cigarette and fantasising about death, the “ easy way out” I feel it, I’m waiting for that slight impulse that will take me to nothingness. TODAY IS THE DAY FUCK THAT SHIT!

“RAINBOW!” I hear my coworker in a distance, it has to be a pisstake mate! “ Are you alright? What are you doing here?” Annoying voice continues like a painful static in your brain. “Always, wonderful! Living the dream, ain’t mine but still, having evening walk advised, fresh air fresh mind, getting ready for tomorrow, it’s Monday innit” I feel my insides collapse, turning my stomach upside down each time I hear those words my mouth spits out without any consent… I’m scared, I don’t want to go through that again… If there’s God please have mercy…. My eyes are filling up with a single teardrop it managed to produce in the past two months as I walk off the trespass next to my colleague- She talks about some sort of inspection and a visit from higher management. I hear my voice, I can’t distinguish the words… I’m laughing and jumping from excitement… it feel like a movie but instead of being cosy and munching popcorn I’m hyperventilating and whining silently while shattered, sharp pieces of the mask that broke in the bathroom last night comes back piece by piece piercing violently my pale face, like little lightweight, mist-like raindrops when falling on your face in November evening as you gaze into the universe admiring its creations before the dark clouds will take it all away from you and the darkness will embrace you promising the sunlight in the morning…

My raindrops are made from glass and pins and razor blades, and it’s not like a mist, more like heavy rainstorm hitting your face as you speed 200m/ph with nothing protecting you from cruelty and reality of human trauma, mental illnesses, loneliness, worst fears, helplessness and lack of empathy and understanding… fear of rejection… No reason that keeps you alive, reason I’ve been looking for every single day, one point proving I me there is something… Everything loses its meaning, once your skin and flesh had turn into nothing and all the pieces that caused you so much pain drill into your skull… it turns into a new face, your one doesn’t matter anymore, nobody seen the real face why would they care, all THEY know is that shining smile, bright face that cares only about others, always happy and ready to cheer everyone around up! THIS IS THE FACE YOU DREAMT ABOUT! CONGRATULATIONS NOW EVERYONE KNOW YOU AS SOMEBODY THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE! IT WILL AFFECT YOUR ACTIONS TOO!

MAKE FRIENDS YOU WONT LIKE, GOING CLUBS YOU HATE, DRINKING TEQUILA! HAVING FUN, TAKE FUCK TONNES OF DRUGS AND SIGN UP FOR SHIT YOU WILL NEVER GO!

Sounds nice… it used to be helpful, most of the time it was fun, then it just went downhill, putting the mask on and taking it off hurts more and more, so you decide to leave it on, so it takes control over your body, it melts into one - The Monster that will slowly kill you, destroy your body, relationships, strong bonds you’ve been creating with family and childhood friends, it will push away people you love most and become nobody, It turns you into a cutting board, knife holder and tear keeper for anyone you meet. It will make fun of your own trauma and insecurities until it will wear off and eventually the mask will fall off your face and break into a bilion pieces and turn into a shotgun shell that will blow your face off twice as much as in the beginning, but until it will you’re left alone, bleeding out ashamed, scared and filled with frustration real YOU leaving you on your own with you people you don’t know in the body you don’t recognise anymore… it will wait for the annihilation of your own being… It will wait until you won’t be able to live your own live and proceed with eternal sleep hopefully or you will try to retrieve what once was yours, family, friends, old habits, just so it can come back again, causing more damage, so you will give up…

Time is verifying your choice slowly… DONT LET IT USE YOU AS OLD TAPE IN A LOOP, JUST LIKE UT DID TO ME AND AGAIN AND AGAIN… but each time I’m back to this monsters live I care less, I have no purpose in my life I want to die, but I won’t let my monster be, I will suffer as long as THAT suffers, I guess we both waiting for the moment where the body can’t handle no more and stops its function and will get buried with or without the mask on…

THIS IS THE WAR WITH MYSELF…

I don’t even know if all that make any sense I couldn’t stop writing, the whispers created a white noise and ye, this is how I feel and struggle with, English is not my first language but since I’m living in the uk it just comes and goes and… why the fuck am I writing it ? Nobody fucking cares, I’m laying in my bed isolated, no fucking intention to crawl out of it… is too loud, I need to hide my arms till it will heal up… and I don’t want that fucking thing back, I just want to be me, fucking rotting in bed no sleep no food just me myself and I and books and that fucking phone finally made something useful I don’t answer the text or calls, I’m talking with …. Nevermind nobody will ever fucking read it xd

Jebać stare baby prądem i czcić Boga Hideo KOJIMA amen 🙏🏻

Zagrałabym w death stranding brakuje 4 prepersow na full pizde i będę miała max, wszystko wbite, każdy zadowolony.

W tedy zacznę ja od początku na super hard.

Pozdrawiam… a chuj w sumie nie mam kogo NARTY SANKI DPIERDALAM.

[beomglocks]

i was gonna request a pt. 2 for mr. choi but i just saw another anon already asked that 😌 bUt maybe yn’s mom goes out of town on a business trip or sth, so she has yn stay at the choi’s house so she isn’t home alone for a whole week, and her and soobin have to sneak around his son or sth hsjdbnd

but this is just a suggestion and honestly anything with dilf!soobin would be great 😩✋

[8:23 pm] w dilf soob

warnings & other: some touching, does this count as exhibitionism, nvm, beomgyu is clueless, age gap, reader is legal, sexual tension?, there's a curse

you bit your lip as you stood outside the choi residence. the house you'd passed by many times to and from your way to school. you never knew what it looked like inside or who was in the house besides mr. choi but alas today was the day you would find out.

ever since soobin had visited your house for the first time, your mom had taken, what you can only describe as a liking, towards the man with the pink hair. to be fair, you don't blame her.

all of a sudden the stranger danger warnings and the "don't trust your neighbors because you never know what they're truly like" speeches flew out the window because here she was letting you stay over.

"your aunt called and she wanted me to go over there for a while. i know you don't want to come along with me and i won't force you but im also not leaving you alone so im letting you stay with someone i trust," she had said before she left.

thankfully that someone she trusted was mr. choi soobin across the street.

you knock on the door lightly. it's around 8pm which isn't too late but from what you can tell, a lot of the lights inside are off. you wonder if your mom had told soobin the plans in advance and if he was waiting for you.

the thought alone made you excited until the door swings open to reveal someone who isn't mr. choi.

"you must be y/n?" a boy who looks to be around your age asks. you nod slowly until it clicks that this must be mr. choi's son.

a part of you deflates at the fact that you won't be alone with soobin but obviously, his son would be at his house. "yep, that's me, my mom did tell you i was staying over for the week right?"

he nods in confirmation, letting you in. the house is cleaner and neater than you thought for there to be two males residing in it. the various plants and abstract art pieces around the walls give the place a more homey feel than you expected, very domestic.

"my name's beomgyu by the way," beomgyu smiles at you. he seems nice enough and a small part of you feels like you would be attracted to him if not for his father.

"is that y/n?" you bite your tongue in excitement as a small rush flows through your body at the sound of your name from mr. choi somewhere in the house.

"yeah!" beomgyu calls out to his dad. he leads you to the living room where mr. choi is sat watching a movie on the tv screen.

he seems to still be in his work clothes with the button down and the slacks still on him. his legs are spread open and his arms are lazily laid across the top of the couch. his hair is also messy as you can only imagine what the previous hours were like for him.

"hello mr. choi," you greet him. he looks you up and down subtly before saying hi back. "you can sit on the love seat if you want," beomgyu says as he walks past you into the living room.

you quickly walk in too, "actually is it ok if i sit on the couch?" you don't give him a reason as you can't conjure up one quick enough that would make any semblance of sense but thankfully he doesn't question it, and takes the love seat for himself.

once you settle in, you look at soobin who's already looking at you. "how was your day sir~?" you ask coyly. he smirks at the way you know how to address him. he places his hand on your exposed knee, "it's got better- now that you're here," he wants to say the last part out loud too but figures that since beomgyu is still in the room that would be inappropriate to voice.

beomgyu speaks up about how his father took the week off to work from home to watch over you both and soobin automatically detaches his hand away from you. you hold back a visible frown.

there's no way soobin agreed to have you stay over without expecting to get closer to you, well you were determined to make this week worthwhile.

"is it ok if i have a glass of water?" you ask beomgyu specifically. as expected he obliges to your command since you are a guest and his father wouldn't have gotten up regardless.

once you confirm beomgyu is out of ear and eyeshot you quickly go to straddle soobin's lap. you know it's risky but you love how he automatically holds your waist. "sir~" you purr. he leans down swiftly to catch your lips in a sweet kiss. you hum satisfied that you managed to get this out of him at least.

you grab onto his shirt to push yourself deeper into the kiss if even for a couple more seconds but he pulls away teasingly, letting you chase him. "i hope you know i didn't agree to this for no reason," he breaths.

you shift on his lap and look up at him through your lashes. "glad we're on the same page" is what you say with the movements of your body on his. you're about to lean back up to kiss him when the creaking of the floorboards saves you from your almost mistake. you practically throw yourself back to where you were previously and soobin shifts in his spot, wiping his lips from your tinted chapstick.

"water," beomgyu proudly holds out the glass to you. "thank you," you mumble, keeping your head down in slight embarrassment.

after that, the impromptu movie night for your arrival goes as you'd expect from you sitting next to soobin.

you could've cared less about whatever family movie was playing. it was hard for you to ignore soobin's subtle touches as he would slowly inch up your thigh every couple of minutes.

if beomgyu would even so much as stretch his arms, he would retract his hands as if you were a flame on the stove, afraid of being caught by his son.

as for you, you don't want to come off as suspicious but to be fair it was fairly easy for you to touch all up on soobin without beomgyu getting too suspicious, with the excuse of it just being innocent gestures.

somewhere between the middle of the movie, soobin leans down to your ear.

"by the way... i didn't mention this earlier but-" he kisses the skin right under your ear subtly. fuck. you try to convince yourself that beomgyu won't notice what's going on, simply thinking his father is whispering to you, not wanting to talk loudly over the movie.

"what were you thinking wearing this?" he says referring to your short skirt. you look down at the clothing choice and bite your lip, rubbing your thighs together. he places his hand on the couch close enough to your upper thigh that it doesn't look too suspicious, letting his fingers play with whatever part of the skirt he can reach.

you both watch his fingers lift your skirt playfully as if he could flash you if really tried but he simply teases you by lifting it a little and putting it back down and feeling the fabric. "last time i was this close to you you wearing those shorts." he hums thinking back at the first time he ever saw you. "did you think it would be easier for me to fuck you if you wore something i could easily slip my fingers into? tell me that you miss my fingers," he rambles. "i bet you must be feeling so disappointed."

at that, your eyes flit over to beomgyu who you catch staring at you for a brief moment. you can't tell what his expression means but you want to say he looks confused at the proximity between you and his father.

"is y/n ok?" he asks his dad. soobin fixes his posture to sit slightly further from you but still close enough to not draw suspicion. "yeah she didn't understand the plot so i just explained it." he says, cooly. thankfully for you, his son seems to buy it.

soobin looks over at you with a wink and smirk before placing his hands on your knee, rubbing your skin before leaving you alone for the rest of the night.

you can only look between him and his son thinking that this will be one hell of a week.

[bl--ankhaeji]

Jisung

Pairing - Jisung x chubby*Reader

Genre - Fluff

Warning - Suggestive content, insecurities 

A/N - Soo this is a Jisung timestamp but this is done differently than how most do their timestamps also the Jisung in this is different than “usual” Jisung just to let y’all know. He’s getting older so I feel as if the content in here is not that bad and if any of you have problems with Jisung being a regular teenage boy with hormones then oh fucking well. If you want to keep seeing him as a child then this is not for you.  

W. Count - I don’t really know I didn’t look this time but ik it’s longer than I intended

5:30 

As you laid sideways across your bed trying to find the perfect position. You heard your mom in the kitchen cooking what you hope is dinner. Your stomach wailing as soon as the thought crosses your mind. ‘Ah I found it’ you think as the immediate comfort of the perfect laying spot begins to set deep within your body.

 You take a look at your phone and start back reading your story that was shining on the screen. It was starting to escalate as the currently featured side gay couple finally stopped lying to themselves and admittedly jumped each others bones. You feel the little tingle start in the pit of your stomach, it was just getting good when a message came through.

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

BABEEEEE 

AHHHH

IM BOREDD

Come play mario kart with me 

You:

UGGHHH

But I just found the perfect laying spot 

And my mom’s cooking dinner 

Tell me why I should get up and come over? what’s in it for me 

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

Maybe because you love me and dont wanna see me

 suffer from boredom 

You: 

Do I really love you that much though?

That’s the question of the hour

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

First off that hurt 

Second of course you love me or else you wouldnt be 

dating me for 7 years now 

You: 

You forget about that time we broke up in fifth

grade 

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

That was for ONE DAY ok 

If you come over I promise to let you win at mario kart

     “What the hell?” you exclaimed slightly outraged at the bullshit he just sent to your phone. Sitting up you feel the competitiveness start to spike. “Did he really just challenge me like that?”

     You get out of bed and start to put your shoes on, “He knows damn well that I can beat his ass without him ‘letting me win.’” 

You:

Stop fucking lying whore you know damn well I can 

beat your ass I mario kart 

See now I have to come over and whoop you at your

own video game

I’ll be over in 10

     Part of you knows Jisung said that on purpose but that didn’t stop you from taking the bait still.

     Walking out of your room you go into the kitchen and see your mother almost done with dinner, the sweet aroma of the food has your mouth watering, stopping for a second you ponder if you should really go play mario kart. 

     “Hey sweets, dinner is almost ready.” your mother turns to you and smiles, taking in your jacket and shoes and she looks at you questiongly.

     Walking around to your mom you give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as you grab your car keys that sit behind her. “Hey I came to let you know that I was gonna head over to Jisung’s for a little to beat him at mario kart. He threatened me so I have to show him what’s up.”  Hearing your statement, one that she has heard before, your mother laughs and gives you an ok before she recommends just staying the night, knowing that you won’t be back anytime soon. 

     Thinking about it you go and pack a bag. Going towards the front door you’re about to step out when your mom calls you back in the kitchen to which you see her sitting at the table with a plate of food as she slides a container with enough for both you and Jisung. “Thank you mama.” you say smiling so wide that it almost hurt, feeling happy that you get to eat some of f/f(favorite food).

     “You’re welcome sweets. Oh and before I forget, be safe.”

     You left out a huff of air telling your mother that you will be careful driving so she has nothing to worry about.

     In a sing-song voice she goes,“That’s not what I meant.” As you open your mouth to ask what she meant she cuts you off by sliding something across the table. 

     “Mom...what is that. ‘Please don’t let it be what I think it is.’ But as you read the box your fears are confirmed. It is condoms. “Mom what the- EW mom no it’s not, we’re not-” she cuts you off with a raised hand. 

     “Sweetie you’re not in trouble. I know you and Jisung have been together for a very long time, and I trust and love you both. But you’re of the age where you do things like that and you may not feel comfortable telling me, but love safe sex is nothing to be ashame-”

     Never having been this flustered in your life you frantically tried to get her to stop,“MOM. I…” Fidgeting with your hands you start to awkwardly look around the kitchen as if it was the first time you had ever seen it. “...We don’t do those types of things.” 

     “Ok darling, but you never know what might happen.” She states with the smuggest look on her face, winking as she hands you four condoms. “I’m not endorsing it but I know that if you want to do it then there’s nothing I could do to stop you so take these. Also you might want to go ahead and get to his house, your phone has been buzzing for a while now.” She states whilst she started to eat the food that was on her plate. 

     You couldn’t get out of that house quick enough, seeing as how you almost fell walking out of the door. Settling down in the car you release the biggest cringe you’ve ever had in your life. “AHHH ew what the fuck was that!” you exclaim feeling the condoms that burned in your pockets, as if they were trying to set your pants on fire so that they could get put to good use. 

     Finally calming down your phone buzzes with another message from Jisung. You see that he’s left various messages questioning where you are or what's taking so long. Some stating that you must be dead. You shake your head at your silly boyfriend as you reply to his many messages. With a light sigh you put the key in the ignition and back out of your driveway.  

     It was then that you started to look back at you and Jisung’s relationship. You guys started dating in fifth grade when you both got dared to spend seven minutes in heaven at you guys long time friend, Jeongin’s, birthday party. He still holds the fact that the only reason you too got together was because of him, but ever since then you and Jisung have been going strong. 

     Except for that one day in fifth grade when you guys broke up a week after you had gotten together because Mina Jameson had convinced you that Jisung would never want a ‘bludder whale’ like you. Ha jokes on her she’s had five STD’s this year alone and at least two pregnancy scares and she didn’t even know how to say blubber so who’s on top now. 

     Ever since you were a child you’ve always been bigger than most girls and it did make you feel insecure for a very long time, but if it wasn’t for Jisung who reassured you and showered you with as much love as he could every time you slipped you don’t know what life would be like. 

     You loved him with everything you had. 

     You and Jisung had never gone past small makeouts. They barely even involved tongue, there’s no way that things would just escalate tonight out of basically nowhere. Right?

     Yea. Anyways Jisung is too shy for that even though sometimes he could be a cheeky asshole and I don’t know if I’m ready.  

     Seeing that you’ve made it to Jisung’s house you take a look at the time and see that it had been almost two hours as it was 6:45. Damn, well at least I brought food. 

     You greeted your soft looking boyfriend clad in a hoodie that is slightly big on him and Nike joggers, he almost tackled you to the ground when he saw the food in your hands. When he asked what took so long you just told him it was the food. You guys ate the food that your mom gave you and started playing mario kart.

8:23

     After about 15 rematches most of which you won Jisung’s mom called him into the living room. She had an emergency at work and she wanted him to know that she wouldn’t be back till tomorrow.

     “So babe, what are we gonna do now? We could watch a movie or...” Jisung whispered, trailing off as he got in bed next to you and started to survey every inch of your face. It felt as if he was looking into your soul. You felt like he could see every single flaw on your face and you did not like it. As soon as he started leaning in moving his hand to your pillowy waist your mind flashed to the conversation you had with your mother. 

     ‘Is this it? Does he want to do it?’ Overwhelming thoughts started to cloud your mind and pretty soon you found yourself jerking back once you felt the tip of his nose touch yours. The sound of the sheets moving filled the room as you stood up off of the bed. 

     “Uhh it’s getting late, A movie sounds nice I think I’m just gonna go shower right quick and we can watch the movie when I get out, ok?” You state as you quickly gather your shorts that you brought and a hoodie out of Jisung’s closet, and rush into his en suite bathroom almost slamming the door behind you.   

     Turning on the shower to make sure he didn’t hear you, you immediately start to whisper shout, “Ah! What the fuck was that, who the fuck was that and what did he do with my boyfriend. Jisung has never been like that before.” Tying your hair up you hop in the shower feeling the water pelt your skin as you decided to forget about it, but you couldn’t deny the twinge you felt in your stomach every time you thought about how he looked when he stared at you like that. 

9:34

     The movie was boring so you guys decided to play games again. Only for Jisung to see that he was about to lose against you in Mortal Kombat and in an effort to be a little bitch he tackled you. Now wrestling you yell at him in mock anger for ruining the game before you could kick his head off. As you flipped the both of you over so that you were on top you started to pettily slap his arm. 

     “Ahh Park Jisung you dick! I almost won why’d you do tha-” You had gotten too comfortable and loosed up your legs that were caging him in and he was able to flip you mid sentence. It was then you noticed what a compromising position you both were in, it looked somewhat akin to the basic missionary. 

     Letting out quickened breaths you started to heat up as Jisung stayed in between your legs. You could see the slight perspiration sort of dampen his hair. The game made a sound that surprised you a little causing you to sort of jerk your body. At that Jisung let out a groan that sounded like it was painful. 

     Your body alerts and you start to question him,“Jisung I’m sorry are you ok? What happened?” A ferocious blush starts to race across his cheeks. He avoids your eyes and tells you that it was nothing and that he’s fine.

     “Jisung stop lying and would you let me up now, you’ve been laying on me for a while an-” Cool slightly wet lips touch yours. A little startled at first you tense up but then his lips start to move against yours and the tension in your body slowly unwinds till nothing is left but pure bliss. His lips slowly caress yours and this feels like nothing you’ve ever felt in your life. The passion and the want that he puts into kissing you has you going crazy. 

     Once a steady rhythm is set you move your lower body in an effort to get comfortable and Jisung groans again, and you immediately feel something against your leg and you get flustered because now you know why he groaned and you feel like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. 

     Jisung wants more, more of you, more of this. The high that this is putting him on is euphoric and for now he doesn’t want to stop. He didn’t say anything but when you came out of his bathroom in his hoodie that fit just like a dress because of the height difference and the illusion that you had nothing on under got him so riled up that he almost couldn’t breathe. It was always like that when it came to you. He loved you so much that it was at most times suffocating. He slips his tongue out of his mouth and just barely grazes it against your bottom lip as if he was testing out the water temp in a pool. 

     You feel something wet against your lips realizing that it was Jisung’s tongue and you quickly almost embarrassingly so open your mouth to let him in. His tongue ventures farther into your mouth and for a little bit there you both are, in the middle of the floor in his room exploring each other, tasting each other, and it is as if there is no one or nothing in the world except for you two. 

     Soon enough without realizing Jisung starts to slowly grind his semi-erection right on to your heated core. The feeling was heavenly and neither of you wanted to stop. 

     He lifts off of your lips so that you both could breath but he soon started to kiss all over your neck, and you throw your head back and release a moan that sounded like heaven to his ears. Grabbing your soft plushy sides he starts to feel anywhere that he can and you tense up out of slight fear at what could be his reaction. He runs one hand down to your thigh, lifting it so that it’s placed on his hip softly squeezing while the other starts to make its way to the hem of your hoodie pulling it up slightly, and that’s when the thoughts came. 

     You quickly pushed Jisung off of you and sat up trying to pull the hoodie as far down your body that it could reach. You looked toward Jisung to see that he had a blush the color of a strawberry and his lips were swollen to look even more soft and inviting than normal. Standing up you rush to his bathroom and close the door leaving a severely confused and turned on Jisung on the floor.  

     Looking toward the mirror, multiple hickies are splattered across your neck and when you lift your hand to rub against them you jolt a little at how tender they were. You could also see where it looked as if you had taken a shot at the kylie jenner lip challenge. But that wasn’t where your mind was at, you were focused on what just happened out there. Thoughts of Jisung possibly seeing your chubby stomach riddled with stretch marks made immediate panic course through your veins. 

     You normally were so good with not thinking about things like that Jisung having helped you be able to get here, but now when he was on the precipice of Jisung seeing your body you couldn’t think about anything but the possible disgust at what you really looked like. 

     It’s not like you didn’t trust him or anything but when insecurity strikes it strikes hard. You consider telling Jisung about these feelings considering you always have in the past, but what if he feels as if you’re doubting his love for you and he gets mad.

     You realize that you’ve probably been in the bathroom for a long time and you didn’t want Jisung to worry so you muster up the courage and with a determined release of air you open the door. Only to see that Jisung is not where you left him. 

     “I wonder where he’s at?” You speak into the air until you wonder what time it is and see that it’s 10:15. ‘WTF we were making out for that long’

     Thirty minutes have passed and Jisung is still not back. As soon as you get up to go look for him he walks into the room. 

     “Where were you? You’ve been gone for a little over half an hour.” 

     Jisung looks at you and when he sees your truly confused face he shyly thwarts his eyes and lifts his hand to rub his neck at the realization that he’ll actually have to explain. But before he can you see his shy gaze and it clicks in your mind what he could’ve been doing regarding what you felt earlier. Biting the inside of your lip you tell him nevermind stating that you already know. He apologizes and says he had to do something because he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.      

11:00

     The last fifteen minutes have been filled with an agonisingly awkward aura in the air. You and Jisung have been sitting up against the headboard of his bed staring at some movie on tv but you knew that neither of you were actually paying attention. Jisung’s warm hand slides toward yours and upon contact you jump up and away. 

     “Babe what’s wrong? You’ve been jumpy ever since what happened a while ago. Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?” Jisung asks with slight guilt in his voice thinking he was the problem. You told him no but he didn’t believe and you kept trying to deny his accusations saying that you were just tired but he wouldn’t take that for an answer.

     He grabbed your chin and sort of gently forced you to look at him and when you saw his warm eyes filled with nothing but love you had no choice but to break down and tell him. 

     Hot salty tears ran down your face and he took his thumb and used it to wipe your tears as you described what happened when he tried to go under the hoodie. You had to continuously reassure him that it was not his fault, but your own. 

     “I promise Jisung you did nothing wrong. I love you so much we’ve been through everything together. It’s my fault for feeling this way even when you constantly shower me with love. I just sometimes, I feel like you shouldn’t like me and when you tried to reach under my hoodie it’s just like I didn’t want my fears to come true once you see my body.” 

     “...Babe I- I don’t know how to approach this like I want you to know how much I truly love you. I honestly love your body so much but I don’t want you to think that's all though.” Jisung stated nervously mildly irritated at himself for not being able to properly express his feelings for you. Starting to think you honestly couldn’t believe why you didn’t trust him. He was your mouse, your tall boi, your marshmallow, your love, and possibly even your life.

     “C’mere” Jisung stated in his deep soothing voice as he pulled you into his lap in a straddle position. 

     What Jisung didn’t know was that you loved whenever you got to sit in his lap, it made you feel giddy inside. 

     Jisung totally knew that you loved to sit in his lap.

     “It’s ok, we don’t have to rush. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your body too me yet then that’s ok...One request though.” He states with a small smile and a single finger held in the air. “Can we at least keep making out like this because I’ve been holding myself back and after tonight I don’t think I can do that anymore.” He promptly flashes a slightly cocky smirk to which you answer with a smack on the arm earning a laugh from him. 

     Wondering why you even date him you give him a lingering kiss on the lips and snuggle into his chest. 

     “Y/n, I noticed that earlier when you were talking about what happened you called this hoodie yours. I just wanted you to- ACK stop choking me- AKKK.” 

Although he was currently being choked he was happy, because he knew that you were ok.

[ad1thi]

just friends (?) p4

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4  ||  also on ao3

- its finally done!! im still thinking of doing an epilogue, and a companion piece w Tony’s perspective; but that’s probably going to have to wait until after AU-gust. major s/o to @iam93percentstardust and @/lilacqueen for looking over this, i wouldn’t have been able to post this without you guys

//

Despite what Steve told Sam, he couldn’t get his words out of his head. His answer might surprise you, Sam had said last week, and it ruminates in Steve’s head - refusing to let him go. Steve might not be the best judge of character, but he’d like to think that he can recognise attraction, especially when he’s the object of said affection. Could he really have - no there’s no way.

(Right?)

‘No it’s impossible’, Steve thinks to himself, fists pounding at the bag in front of him, as if punching it hard enough will make these words leave him alone, ‘I’ve been friends with Tony for 5 years, I would’ve known.’

Steve knows what attraction looks like for Tony, he knows it intimately and deeply, he watched it directed at every person who made Tony’s head turn, he saw it in every relationship that Tony pursued, he recognised it in every look of long lost fondness, and it was never directed at him.

Hell, Steve had been instrumental in some of those relationships himself, deluding himself in the belief that if he saw Tony with someone else it would somehow help him get over his own feelings and finally move on. 

Sam just doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Steve thinks resolutely, collapsing onto the floor of the gym in exhaustion, one hand half-heartedly extended to still the bag, He doesn’t know what attraction looks like for Tony. 

Steve wasn’t sure of a lot, but he was absolutely sure that Tony had never shown him any sort of affection. It wouldn’t do him good to dwell on Sam’s words - because he’d meant what he said, he’d rather have Tony part-time than none at all, and wondering about impossibilities is what ruined their friendship in the first place.

No, Steve had to make a concentrated and forceful effort to dull his feelings, or at the very least bury them so far down that nobody could reach them, if he wanted any chance of making his friendship with Tony work. He lays on the floor of the gym for a couple more minutes, trying to catch his breath - before ignoring his screaming muscles so he can stand up. He pulls up the end of his tank so that he can wipe off the sweat that’s collected on his brows, and just as he’s pulling it back down and adjusting it - he catches the receptionist giving him an appreciative once over from the corner of his eye.

Huh, he thinks, looking around for his water-bottle so that he can take a large sip (and also pour some on himself to cool down, Interesting. 

It’s been an age since Steve has flirted with someone, but it doesn’t mean he’s forgotten how. He isn’t vain by any means, but he knows that he isn’t ugly, and that if he tried he might actually have an active love life - or at the very least, an active sex life. He just hasn't wanted to. Not since Tony, his traitorous mind supplies, and even now - just thinking of hitting on someone else feels like he’s cheating on Tony.

But he and Tony aren’t more than friends, and if he’s serious about moving on - then he needs to go all in. You have to run before you walk and all that jazz, he thinks to himself grimly, grits his teeth and puts on his most winning smile when he reaches the front desk. 

“Hey,” he says as he passes over his member-card, tilting his head and smiling warmly at the receptionist, “I’m Steve.” Predictably, she blushes, and says, “I’m Sharon,” as she passes his card back, “looks like you had a good workout back there.”

“Oh that?” he instills fake nonchalance into his voice, “That’s just an off day for me.” This can go one of two days - either she’ll wrinkle her nose at his obvious brag, or she’ll giggle. 

She giggles, and even though Steve isn’t attracted to her at all (he doesn’t think he knows how to be attracted to anyone but Tony anymore), he still preens internally, because after all his time, he’s still got it. They chat for a couple more minutes, and Sharon works in asking for his number before he can get around to it. Steve scribbles it on the closest scrap piece of paper that he finds, before waving goodbye and making his way out. 

He’s out of the building and about to turn the corner when his phone buzzes. He pulls it out to see a text from Sharon:

>> Sharon: free on Wednesday for a coffee?? X

His instinctive reaction is to say no, because Wednesday is his day with Tony, but then he remembers his newfound resolution to move on from Tony and pauses. Cancelling on friends for a date, that’s a normal thing right? Steve is almost certain it is. All in, Steve thinks to himself again, fingers hovering over his keyboard.

>> Steve: works for me!!

The entire way home, he vehemently tries to ignore the growing pit in his stomach. 

(He fails)

/

Steve’s in the middle of debating whether a button up is too much for a coffee date or whether Sharon will appreciate that he’s made an effort when his bell rings. And then rings again. And again. And then he hears fists on his door. 

“What the fuck?” he mutters under his breath, grabbing the closest vee and pulling it over his head as he makes his way over to the door, yelling “I’m coming!!” when the knocking gets more incessant. 

He opens the door and he barely has any time to digest the fact that it’s Tony at the door before Tony pushes past him in a huge motion of flurry and stops in the middle of his living room, spinning on his heel and pointing a finger at him. 

“You - !” is all he gets out before he lets out an incoherent scream, and Steve says, “Come in,” dumbly because his mind is still trying to process the fact that Tony is here, in his house, 20 minutes before he’s supposed to go on a date. 

Steve knows that that’s supposed to mean something, but right now his mind is hyper-focused on the fact that Tony is here. Meanwhile, Tony seems to have regained use of his mouth because he’s clearly yelling at Steve.

“ - because Rhodey says I’m supposed to be using my words, so this is me trying to use my words. What do you mean ‘you have a date?” he asks furiously, pointing at his phone aggressively, “What does that mean?” “I uh,” Steve fumbles his words, “the girl at my gym asked me out a couple days ago. Asked to meet for coffee. I said yes.”  “I know what a date is Steven,” Tony stresses his name, “I’m just trying to understand what you’re doing going on one.” Tony looks crestfallen all of a sudden, and for the life of him, Steve can’t figure out why, “I thought we -” he gestures half-heartedly between them, “Did I misread everything again?”

Something akin to hope starts growing inside Steve, and he blames the fact that his entire world view is changing on the fact that he almost misses Tony’s words. 

Almost. 

“What do you mean again?” Steve asks slowly, carefully, “We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. That’s all we’ve ever been. Just friends.”  “Is that really what you think?” Tony asks, and his voice sounds wretched, “That we’ve only ever been friends. Have I truly never been more to you?” His answer might surprise you, Sam’s words come back to him, unbidden, and suddenly Steve feels like his whole heart is in his throat. 

“Tony,” he says softly, deliberately, because if this goes wrong he doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself, “Tony I’ve been in love with you for close to five years. It was never my decision for us to stay friends. That was always yours.” “Five yea - you never gave me any indication that you wanted more!!” Tony’s face is red, and his hands are running through his hair and leaving it messy and spiky.  “How could I?” Steve asks helplessly, “you always belonged to someone else.” 

He shrugs, eyes falling to his feet  “I never thought it was my place. Hell Tony, you fell in love with my bestfriend, what was I supposed to do - pull you aside and tell you to leave him for me? I couldn’t do that to Buck, or you.”

“No!” Tony points at him threateningly, “no you do not get to put Bucky on me. You all but begged Bucky to get back together with me, he showed up at my door talking this and that about you told him that we were ‘fated to be together’. How else was I supposed to take that apart from proof that you didn’t want me?” Tony starts listing names off his fingers. “Rumiko, Ty, hell you even convinced me to get back together with Sunset, saying shit about ‘Oh Tony you’ve just misunderstood her’ and ‘She just wants another chance’.” “I just wanted you to be happy,” Steve says in a small voice, “Even if it wasn’t with me.” 

Tony takes in a deep breath, and it’s like all the fight leaves him as he exhales. “5 years?” he asks, and Steve doesn’t think he’s making up the wonder in Tony’s voice. When he looks up, Tony is close enough that they could be sharing the same breath, “I could’ve had you for 5 years?”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat, “You mean -?”

“Have you not been listening? I love you too, you absolute dumbass.”

Steve’s wanted to hear those words for so long, but now that he finally has - he doesn’t know what to do. Fortunately, Tony has no such qualms, and leans up on his toes, to press a feather-light kiss on his lips. 

“I love you too Steve,” he says again softly, against his lips, and Steve lifts an arm to cup his face, thumb carefully rubbing against his cheek. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that,” Steve says, “It feels like I’m dreaming.”

“Well now that you have,” Tony says cheekily, “What’re you going to do about it?”

Steve doesn’t reply, just leans down ever so slightly and seals their lips together, feeling the knot in his stomach unfurl and unwind, until there’s nothing left in him but happiness. He kisses and kisses and kisses until he’s walked Tony backwards against a wall and he’s got a thigh in between his legs. He kisses until he’s left a map of bruises against his neck and Tony’s skin is flushed red. He kisses until he can’t kiss any more - because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do now that he has Tony in his arms; but he knows with singular focus that he’s never going to let him go. 

Fin. 

//

taglist: @honeybearrhodey, @rogers-stark45, @tried-our-best, @kirouskasa, @fincaffeinaddict, @endlesslove1084, @imaginestevetony, @illegalchandler, @poughkeepsies, @scarletluvscas, @thewondersoflebanon, @kylizzles, @medio-melon, @moon6shadow-main , @benjamin-solos, @dauntlessdiva, @capnstarkey, @geraderlopoly, @xarawnsamaax,  @angelmydear, @theavengays, @imposter-human, @tonystarkisanangel, @littlemissstark , @allthingsmarvel100 ,  @endrega23 , @riotfalling ,  @spiderrpcrker, @rxmanoff , @firebrands , @omg-just-peachy, @iam93percentstardust​, @dreamsofg0ld, @thxngam, @krzyktty101, @velvetjane, @rebel13lion39, @superhusbands-superfan

[anninhiliation]

Behind Closed Doors

A/N: I attached the requests on the bottom this time! Might do that from now on who knows

Wordcount: 2.2k+

Warnings: There is smut, but it's over 1.6k+ wording deep mostly angst and some fluff  

Masterlist

You stayed up and waited for Chris to come home from the studio. It was 12:00 am, and he still wasn’t home and not a single text from him. You knew dating a musician entailed long nights and early mornings, the tours and promos but none of that mattered to you. All that mattered was that you would be with Chris even if it was just for a couple of months, and the occasional breaks in between tour. Chris was an amazing boyfriend of almost two years, and you were head over heels for him. Yet, you couldn’t help but think something was wrong in the relationship. It wasn’t what it used to be, and maybe you were just being paranoid but you felt as if things were different. As the night dragged on, hitting 1:45 am and still nothing from Chris, you decided to send him a text. 

Y/N: hey amor are you gonna be in the studio for much longer? 

As you awaited a response you went on with your nightly routine, trying not to think about Chris and what he was doing, fearing the worst. As you were brushing your teeth, your phone buzzed making your glance over the screen. 

Papito😘: No it ended early but we went out 

You read the notification, making your heart sink. You knew what we went out meant, and you knew how he was when he got drunk. Lately, you felt as if Chris was avoiding you, choosing to spend time with strangers or his bandmates than his own girlfriend. You were feeling abandoned by the one person you loved and trusted the most. You missed how he used to make you feel like his top priority, always going out of his way to see you, call you, text you anything. You left Chris on read sighing as you got into bed, in your shared bedroom. Laying in the darkroom, your thoughts clouded your mind. The room was infected with him, his scent, his things, a few pictures of him, and worst of all his presence. You fell asleep with tears streaming down your face as all you could think about was Chris and what you did wrong and where it went wrong. When you woke up the next morning, you were still alone just as he left you. With a sigh, you got out of bed completely miserable and drained from your crumbling relationship. After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you exited the bedroom and made your way to the kitchen. If you were being honest, you weren’t even hungry, you had no motivation to cook and just wanted to go back to bed. As the eggs sizzled on the hot pan, the front door unlocked and sluggish footsteps dragged themselves into the kitchen. You looked up from your cooking and there appeared a very tired and hungover Christopher. He poured himself a cup of coffee after kissing your cheek and saying good morning. When he embraced you into a hug, his scent pierced your scenes, but it was different. It wasn’t just his, you smelt the perfume of another. What was another girl’s scent doing lingering on him? Was he cheating on you? Was he so fed up with you, so bored of you he opted for someone new and didn’t have the heart to tell you? 

“Nena want to grab lunch today?” He asked interrupting your thoughts

You looked up from your cooking and at him, a little wide-eyed making him raise an eyebrow at you. 

“Nena?” he asked again 

“Y-yeah that would be nice wanna go to our usual spot?” you asked 

“Sounds good,” he smiled as his phone buzzed making him look over at it “listen nena I gotta go, but let’s meet at one”

He kissed your temple and rushed out the door.

You sat in the little quaint restaurant at bouncing your leg nervously as you waited for Chris. Little did he know, that before lunch you ran down to Adore Me and picked out something you knew he would love hidden underneath your sundress. Even though you were afraid that he was cheating on you, you couldn’t help but miss him, his touch, his attention and what you used to have with him. 1 o’clock rolled around, and still no Chris. Maybe he’s just a few minutes late, it is a busy day in the city after all. Then it hit 1:30 PM and not even a single text from him. Then the waiter came by at 2 with an apologetic smile. 

“Miss its been an hour, its either you order something or I’m going to have to ask you to leave I’m sorry its policy”

“Sorry for wasting your time” you mumbled as you gathered your things and rushed out calling Chris 

On the third ring he finally picked up “nena?” 

You could hear a girl laugh in the background making your blood boil. You were already suspicious of being replaced, but he couldn’t even give you the decency of ending things beforehand or hide things better. 

“Chris you said we were meeting for lunch! What the hell?” you hissed 

“Nena it’s only- oh shit,” he said “listen nena I’m sorry-” 

“Whatever Chris” you sighed, “it’s not like we haven’t spent time together in months or anything”

You hung up after that not wanting to hear another word or let him sense that you were holding back tears.

Back in the shared home, you gathered your belongings and prepared an overnight bag, for maybe a night or two. In truth, you packed so many things you could leave for a week without a problem. You needed to clear your head and see where you were going with Chris. It wasnt as if you could really have a heart to heart with someone who was never there. In a rush not wanting to walk into Chris you zipped up the luggage and beelined for the front door. As you swung the front door open you were shocked to see Chris on the other side of it, ready to unlock it. 

“Nena what are you doing?” he questioned looking at your luggage 

“I’m leaving for a few days not that you would care” you huffed as you tried to move past him

Chris blocked the door, growing slightly annoyed as his confusion grew. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked shocked 

“Chris, when was the last time we spent time together? You’re never here and when you are you make no effort to take time and do things with me! When was the last time you paid attention to me? When was the last time you touched me?” You spat out as you pushed him to the side walking away with tears streaming down your face. “We’re through” you said trying to not let your teary face become obvious 

Day 1: 

Papito😘 calling

Declined.

Papito😘: Nena please im sorry

Looking at the notification you rolled your eyes and huffed. Did he really think such a cliche line would make you run back to him? 

Papito😘: Nena ill do better

You read the text again, thinking he should have done better when he had you. 

Papito😘: Y/N please I need you 

You turned your phone off after that text not wanting to cave in to him afraid that one of his texts would send you running back into his arms. Without Chris, you were miserable and even more heartbroken than before. You missed him more than ever before, he had nested a piece of your mind and heart larger than you realized. 

Day 2:

It felt like you weren’t getting better and Chris’s friends were now contacting you.

Richard started as you were closest to him out of Chris’s friends. He asked you to take back his friend or at least meet with him, telling you how unhappy Chris was without you. Then news broke out, shattering your broken heart into dust. Christopher Velez seen with mystery girl. Y/N and Chris over? Joel was quick to contact you after you drowned yourself in the vicious headlines. You cried yourself to sleep that night. 

Day 3: 

You stopped by the house to pick up the rest of your belongings and to return the keys at a time you figured Chris wouldn’t be home. You unlocked the front door, and quietly let yourself in.

“Nena?” a weak voice called out from the living room 

You froze in your steps, being completely taken back by Chris. His sluggish footsteps made their way to the door, as he practically froze in his steps. 

“W-what are you doing?” he asked 

You studied his face, his eyes were puffy, and baggy from lack of sleep. Chris looked terrible, making the ache in your heart grow. 

“I- I was just grabbing some stuff, I thought you wouldn’t be home right now” you meekly responded looking down at your feet

“Nena please don’t do this” he begged as he slowly approached you 

You stood there still frozen as he continued to approach you. He gingerly placed his hands around your waist and pulled you in to him. His face nuzzled into the crook of your neck as his tears hit your warm skin. 

“Nena please” he sobbed “te amo I fucked up...I fucked up”

Your arms slowly wrapped around him as tears fell from your eyes. 

“Chris” you whispered “you abandoned me”

He moved his head, lips hovering millimeters apart from yours and met your eyes. His big brown eyes looked into yours, silently pleading with you. 

“Nena” he whispered “I'm so sorry”

Looking down at his lips and back into his eyes, with your hands slowly traveling into his locks you tugged on them gently as you smashed your lips against his. Chris kissed you back as his lips melted into yours. This felt right to you, his hands roaming your body as you tugged harder on his making an ache between your legs. His hands went further down your body, behind your thighs and lifted you up as you jumped up. Your legs wrapped around his torso as he carried you to the bedroom. 

“Let me make it up to you nena” he said between kisses as he laid you on the messy bed

He helped you get out of your clothes as you helped him get out of his. He kissed your neck hitting all of your favorite spots.

“I will never let this happen again” he mumbled in the crook of your neck 

“You are my everything” he continued as his hands slid down your body 

“You deserve only the best” he whispered as he left a trail of soft kisses from your neck to your collar bones 

“You're so beautiful nena” he said as he grabbed your breasts, encircling one of your hardened buds with his mouth

Your back arched as your breathing hitched, hands tugging harder on his hair. 

“Chris” you whimpered creating music to his ears with every noise you made

He paid attention to the other bud making you moan as his fingers trailed down to your pulsating core. Your hips bucked as he teased your slit, as he continued his trail of kisses. 

“Please give me another chance nena” he groaned as he passed your naval 

“I will never disappoint you again” he whispered as he kitten licked your slit

“You taste as sweet as honey nena” he mumbled between licks  

Your mouth hung agape as he did all the things you liked, drawing your favorite pattern on your swollen pearl. He slid two fingers inside you and curled at the right spot. 

“Oh my god” you moaned as your toes curled 

Chris pumped his fingers quickly building up your knot. 

“Chris just fuck me” you whimpered as you wanted more, wanting to feel closer to him 

“Anything you want princesa” he said as he pulled away from you and slowly slid inside you

He kissed your neck and collar bones as he set a slow pace. You scratched his nape and down his back as your walls opened up from him. 

“Faster” You whined 

“Fuck nena” he grunted as he snapped his hips quicker and rougher 

His hand slithered down to your nerve endings and drew figure eights. 

“You are my everything I love you nena” he groaned 

He angled his hips and threw your leg over his shoulder, hitting right into your inner sweet spot. Your eyes were rolling back as a knot formed in your lower abdomen. Walls fluttered around his member, making his thrusts lose their rhythm. 

“Nena cum for me,” he whispered as he kissed your plump lips “let me see you make that pretty face” 

“Chris!” You screamed as your knot snapped 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your skull as you entered your state of bliss. Your thighs shook around him as you left another trail of red marks down his back. Your breathing hitched as Chris rode you out for your high, and then slipping into his. You felt his warmth spread inside you as he released his seed in you. He slowly pulled out of you and lovingly kissed your lips before laying on the bed and pulling you on top of him. You nuzzled into the crook of his neck as your fingers twirled his strands of hair. 

“Nena I’m so sorry about everything” he finally spoke as he nervously drew circles against your hips “please give me another chance I’ll do better I promise”

You looked up into his big brown eyes and smiled. 

“Let’s start over”  you grinned

“I love you y/n” he said as he kissed the top of your head

~~~~~~~~~

Anon: OMG I LOVE YOUR STORIES AHBHBKJDNJSD CAN YOU DO A CHRIS STROY THATS ANGST AT FIRST WHERE HE IS SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH A GIRL LIKE SAMANTHA SO YOU THINK HES CHEATING AND YOU GUYS FIGHT AND HE ENDS UP ASSURING YOU ITS NOTHING AND YOU GUYS KIND OF FUCK YOUR ANGER OUT AND TRY TO DOMINATE EACHOTHER BUT IT ENDS FLUFFY WITH HIM TRULY REASURING YOU THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL HE WANTS

Anon: Some sweet rough love making with Chris under the stars Bc a bitch is in her feelings 💕

Anon: hi queen! i don't know if you've already made this one, if not can you please write about having makeup sex with chris? like you both haven't seen each other in a while, but when you do your hoeing with other guys which got him super pissed... Thank you !

[sincerelymarinette]

A Recorded Life Sequel (2/10) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words 1479 Chapter Summary: School is back into the schedule and everyone is busy. Marinette uses a school project as an easy way to get a video done and Alya pops by. Author's Note: I'm back! I'm so sorry for going MIA the past few weeks but school has been kicking my butt with projects. School comes first, tho! Hoping to get back into regular updates but my semester is about halfway over and teachers are picking things up. Keep an eye on tumblr/wattpad if things get postponed! Also the ending sounds ominous but trust me it isn't, I just wanted a good way to wrap things up.

Prev / Next / Masterlist

Life Updates

---

A few months into the school year

Adrien was still living with Marinette and her family. Though now he would have the mansion all to himself, he didn't want to be there. It was filled with harsh memories, and he couldn't even think about looking at the pictures of his father. Instead, he let Gorilla live there, rent-free and happy. He still accompanied Adrien when he went to Agreste Fashion, but he also knew Adrien could take care of himself.

But he couldn't leave Adrien alone after losing his mother, father, and closest thing to another parental figure. Gorilla was still there for him, picking Adrien up in the morning to get him to school, picking him up from school, and taking him wherever he needs, whether it be the offices or back to the bakery.

Marinette and her parents love having Adrien around. Tom and Sabine knew how hard it is for him, and letting him stay with them brought some normalcy into his life. Plus, he really enjoyed learning how to cook with them and even helping out in the bakery when it gets busy. They loved walking out into the living room to see the kids watching movies or playing video games, and waking up in the morning to find they fell asleep in the middle of their TV binge-watching time, all cuddled together.

Though it was more of an adjustment, Tom and Sabine also loved the Kwamis. Tikki is very sweet, and they love having Plagg taste test new ideas. Since Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't needed as much anymore, they're more like pets, but that doesn't change the love everyone has for them. Now with Marinette as the guardian of Paris' Miraculous, every so often, she lets them all come out to get a breath of fresh air. Being stuck in a box has got to be boring, and it's a lot of fun to see all the Kwami's interact.

Adrien loved the freedom of university and getting to study business. It was a lot to take on, but he was really excited to take Agreste Fashion in a better direction once he learned more and more. He may not be officially running it right now, and the COO is acting as CEO; he does get a lot of say in the way things go. When he first started, he immediately stripped Agreste Fashion of his father's name, and Gabriel is nowhere to be found; he will not let his father's bad choices run this business any longer.

While Adrien was having a great time with school, Marinette was stressing. Of course, she loved everything she was doing in her classes. She was finally able to take her designs to the next level and learn more than she could teach herself. Adrien already promised her a job at Agreste Fashion, but she's determined to earn her place and work her way up by herself.

Marinette had a busy week with a big project due. Since she's been distancing herself from videos (still posting at least weekly!), she figured to take advantage of the situation. Marinette had her camera set up to shoot the mannequin she was working on, and another camera pointed at her desk to get different shots for what part she was focusing on. She wouldn't post the video until after she got her grade back, but it never hurts to shoot something in advance.

As Marinette was carefully pinning a piece of fabric, she jumped at the sound of the trap door opening. "Ah!" She shouted when she poked herself. "Oh, Alya," She calmed down. "You scared me."

"I can see," She giggled. "I came to check up on you and bring you a smoothie," She offered her gift with a big smile. "And I wanted to see your work!"

Marinette gladly took the drink and nodded. "Thanks, nowhere near done yet. I'm recording the process for a video."

Alya gasped, acting offended. "And you're doing that without me, your camera operator?"

"You've been busy, too; I didn't want to stop you!" Marinette reasoned.

"Good point, but I'm going to sit here and help," She sat and sat on the chaise against the wall. Pulling out her laptop, Alya smiled. "I brought work with me. We can both work loving the company of each other," She said.

Marinette smirked as she got back to work. "Missing Nino?"

"Like you'd never imagine," Alya groaned back. "We talk all the time, but it's not the same. How's Adrien?"

"Honestly, better than I expected. He spends a decent amount of time at Agreste Fashion, but is always back in time for dinner. Speaking of, you want to stay?" Marinette offered, and Alya nodded in response. She yelled down to her mom to ask if it was okay, which Sabine said absolutely.

Alya started typing away at her computer to work on a paper while still making conversation with Marinette. "How are you all adjusting? I know Nino, Chloé, and I have gotten over most of it, but I'm sure it's different for you guys."

"Oh, you know, we're still working through it. Adrien sees a therapist, as expected, and it helps.  I think it just takes time, and school is definitely helping as a distraction. I can't imagine what will happen if Nathalie tries to contact him, but last we heard, she moved to the States when she was released. They made a compromise that she'd finish out community service there, especially since Gorilla said it would be more damaging to Adrien to have her still in Paris," Marinette rambled. "But other than that, good!" Marinette sighed, glad that she would be narrating the video in the editing phase.

Alya nodded. "I'm still shocked that he was a witness in court," She said. "But I'm glad he was. Though I don't believe her 'I was forced to!' defense, at least she won't be near us," Alya said. "It's a shame; she seemed nice. Well, before we found out."

Marinette shook her head with a slight laugh. "She scared me from the beginning. But so did Gabriel," Marinette reflected. They went back to work, having a few remarks here and there, and soon enough, they were called down for dinner. "Oh, Adrien, hey!" Marinette smiled when she got downstairs to see that Adrien was home, and had been, as he helped with dinner.

"Sorry I snuck in," He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Hey, Alya, how are things?"

---

ahhhh i love Marinette's designs so much thEYRE BEAUTIFUL

when is this going to be in stores?? i need it like yesterday

I wonder when Adrien will give her a job at agreste fashion. we all know he wants to. but w h e n. I need my fashion power couple to take over the world

I loved Alya just chilling in the back, that's friendship. working independently but together (also is anyone else trying to figure out what they were talking about??) >Marinette Design's Reply Oh trust me it's nothing interesting. Just getting caught back up about school and life!

I'm so happy when you upload! Thanks Mari, hope you all are doing well.

I HEAR A NINO TRACK IN THE BACKGROUND IM SEEING HIM WITH JAGGED IN A FEW WEEKS AHHHHHH

one day we'll get a vlog from Marinette preparing for her first big time fashion show. With Adrien as a model. Manifesting it.

Marinette snickered as she read through the comments from her most recent video, and even replied to a few. She was waiting for Adrien to finish getting ready so they could head out for their date, and she was highly entertained by the comments. Only a few more minutes passed before Adrien came from the bathroom in a green sweater with a big smile on his face. "Ready to go, Milady?" He asked and held his arm out for her to take.

Marinette nodded and linked their arms. She was wearing a casual dress with leggings, looking nice but not being overdressed. They were excited to have a nice dinner together and act like a normal couple, which they never really had. They left the Kwamis at home and were ready to enjoy the evening, ready for a night for just them. Gorilla picked them up and drove them to the restaurant, and they only had two rules for tonight: No discussing past superhero adventures, and stay off the phones so they can enjoy each other's company.

The rules were easy to follow, as all they wanted to do was sit, talk, and eat. Maybe their lives would go back to normal faster than they thought. They were happy and excited for the future, and both were happy to talk about anything else than the trauma they have suffered.

Marinette, however, did miss running around on rooftops with her cat.

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries  @toodaloo-kangaroo 

[musedblues]

Always Something There To Remind Me [Part: 5]

summary: Home is where the heart is. You’re working on finding yours. After a handful of misfortunes, your old friend Joe helps to unravel life’s greatest mystery while adding a bit of extra grief to the mix.

warning: Angst central! But a truly happy ending?

w/c: 4k

a/n: Well well well... enjoy this chapter lovies! There's only ONE final update to go. I have far too many feelings, I'll leave it at that. But DO let me know how you lot feel!

taglist: @im-an-adult-ish​ @mrsmazzello​ @lettinggosthehardestpart​ @the-moving-finger-writes​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @sherlollydramoine​

Part 6

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Enough time had passed that you began to wonder what was next, in life. Where were you supposed to go, now? What were you supposed to be doing? There were still tendrils of sadness and uncertainty keeping you glued in place, without a clear view of your future.

But like always, you had Joe. And like always, you had plans with him. After romping around the city, you decided to invite him over for a classic movie night, the very next weekend.

As you sat in the flower shop all week, willing customers to show up and save you from boredom and longing for Friday to come closer, your wishes half came true. That day, Joe showed up on the other side of your counter several hours earlier than planned.

"You know I have to finish my shift before we start movie night, right?" You joked as he rested each palm on the opposite side of your counter. Joe wasn't smiling, and he was dressed up way too nice for a casual night of ranking your favorite films.

"I'm so sorry. But I have to cancel movie night." Joe lulled his head, a moment of silence for the plans he just shot dead.

"You came all this way to let me down, huh?" You jeered once more, hoping you didn't sound half as crushed as you felt. It was just movie night, you could reschedule.

"I totally forgot I already promised Lacy I'd show up at this super fancy thing tonight."

"Ouch." You remarked, regretting your tone for real now. Lacy hadn't been around to greet you since she'd spotted Joe outside your shop last week. And you knew she was never really your friend, but it still stung to know you'd been used.

"I'm really sorry I spaced it. But I felt too bad about letting her down last minute." Joe explained.

"Why? Might help to knock a bit of air out of her head." You countered. Because while you knew you were unimportant enough to let Lacy walk all over you, Joe deserved better.

"She's not that bad," Joe added, pointing out that Lacy was at least a little bad.

"She's not that fucking great either." You were now officially angry that her claws were deep enough in your friend that he hadn't taken notice of the fact that Lacy was using him, too.

Once the floodgates opened, you couldn't go on acting like you didn't have something to say. Thank God the flower shop was empty and your boss was out with deliveries...

"You're just a trophy to her, she just takes you out to show you off!" It seemed you were stating the obvious, but it felt much scarier.

"Whoa, where is this coming from?" Joe shifted away from your counter, furrowing his brow as if this was really news to him.

"I just can't believe you don't see that you're a prize for Lacy to win. I've never once heard her tell me what it is what you do when you're together, just that you score her a few hundred new Instagram followers every time you come around."

"Yeah well, I'm about to be late for another appearance." Joe shrugged, speaking low in your direction. Maybe he liked the attention, you thought, heart sinking to the floor as you realized that this life had yet to make sense.

"I really wish you could hear what I'm trying to say." You spoke up, desperate for Joe to stop moving toward the door and away from you.

"Call me when you learn to say it better." He bit back just moments before disappearing into the crowded mall and leaving you all alone.

///

That night, you never turned the television on. Instead, you held a book in your hand, pretending to turn the pages. All you really focused on was playing the scene with Joe from earlier over in your head, wishing it could have happened differently.

When your mother got home she was raving about the day she spent photographing some reality star’s wedding. You pretended to listen, keeping your eyes on the book and your mind far far away.

“Where’s Joe? I thought he’d be here tonight.” Your mother wondered, kicking off her shoes and bustling toward the kitchen.

“Hell if I know.” You sighed, realizing you still didn’t know what he and Lacy might have been up too or why he was wearing his fanciest suit jacket.

“So… dinner for two then, I suppose?” Your mother rang from the kitchen, clearly trying her utmost not to irk any further.

“Actually I think I’m just gonna call it a night.” You decided, sitting up and heading straight for the stairs. You shouted a half-hearted goodnight to your mother, longing for this day to just end. But as you shut yourself into the bedroom that hadn’t much changed since you were in high school, you couldn’t stop letting your mind wander.

So, you called Tegan, jumping straight into filling her in on everything that happened since the last time you spoke to her. She listened, adding in quips that meant she was paying attention. When you finished letting it all out, Tegan seemed to think over her response.

“I understand you’re upset, but you haven’t really said why.” Your friend pointed out, an ocean away. Funny how she was still your light in the dark, you thought.

You realized you just told Tegan the story of your whole week, ending with how shitty you felt for snapping at Joe over a girl who didn’t matter that much; but never gave your true feelings away.

“I guess I’m just a little jealous, huh?” You huffed a laugh, basking in the flicking amber light coming from the lamp on your desk. “I’ve always been used to Joe’s attention. Ever since I got back home… I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should tell him all that, y/n.” Tegan suggested softly, after a long understanding pause. You wished she was closer so you could hug her and remind her what a damn good friend she was. So you told her just that, and went to bed even more confused than before.

///

A couple of days passed as you tried to think up what to say, and when to say it. Joe coldly suggested you call him, but that felt far too impersonal. You realized that since coming home, since Kris died, and Joe’s dad passed, and since spending time together again; you and Joe never really talked much about any of that.

Your phone was blank of text messages from him. Even though you wanted to ring Joe, you knew that the second you got his attention that all you’d want to do was make things right. And he deserved much more than a cellphone chat.

So one very cloudy afternoon, while your mother was over having lunch with Mrs. Mazzello, you left a note and hopped in the car. While just thinking zooming down the freeway made you nervous, the thought of going much longer without Joe made you absolutely sick.

You held your breath behind the wheel, minding speed limits and thinking of nothing but what you had to do. The city streets were jam-packed, but even through all the traffic, you seemed to end up in a parking spot in the blink of an eye. You made it. This was it. Now for the hard part...

When you passed through the third-floor entrance and stood outside Joe's door, you were still holding your breath. But you had to knock. You had to get this over with. Much quicker than you expected, the door opened and Joe was standing there in a fancy leather jacket, expectantly gazing into the hall. But his expression morphed into confusion when he saw you, and you wondered who else he might have been hoping to see.

“Hi.” You shrugged meekly. Joe stepped to the side wordlessly offering for you to come inside. You took the opportunity to speak up once more as Joe shut the door behind you.

“I know you said to call, but I think we have too much to talk about.” You started. Joe moved back in front of you, listening.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you at the mall last week I shouldn’t have said most of that.”

Joe shifted in place and looked away from you, just before saying, “I really can’t do this right now.”

You felt a distant rumble in the grounds of your universe and wondered if this was it. If you’d waited too long and showed up at the wrong time and ruined everything on your mission to make it right. Then Joe went on…

“How are you so good at pushing me away and then showing back up like nothing ever happened?”

Just as you were about to ask what the hell he was talking about, he spoke up again.

"When I went along to drop you off at the airport before you moved to the UK, do you remember what you said to me?" Joe asked in a pitch that stung your heart. You were so anxious back then to rule the world that it was hard to recall past all the fresh wreckage. So you shook your head and prepared for Joe's answer. You weren't expecting to be greeted with a smile today, but Joe's upset was scaring you.

"I told you I was going to miss you. And all you said to me was 'try and remember what it was like before we met.' That's how you left me." You'd never seen Joe's eyes so piercing. He was angry, but he was talking so calmly that you couldn't understand what to do. Had you really dismissed Joe's feeling like that then?

"But then you just kept calling me. And of course, I answered." He scooted a little closer as you drew your arms around your middle.

"Then you move back here, and we get on like no time has passed. You stay with me and you sleep in my bed and I wake up to find you've left it." He stopped, chuckling in a small breath as your stomach fell away.

"And now whatever this is about.” He waved a hand to you. “You push me away and then come back and I don’t get it. So maybe you should just- wait... how- how did you get here?"

"I drove." You said with a tiny smile. A rush of pride swooped deep in your chest, but the nerves dancing on your skin were the only thing you could feel. "And... I know. I came here to apologize. I'm sorry for a lot of things and I-" Joe was staring at you, searching your face while you started in on your monologue, there was a knock at the door.

"Queen is in town" He huffed. "And so is everyone else." Joe offered an exasperated explanation as he took a few steps to greet whoever he’d actually been expecting.

A happy looking Gwilym Lee bound into the room, and Joe smiled for the first time since your interaction.

"Oh, the gang is all here! I didn't know you were coming along." Gwilym looked at you with a hundred-watt smile that reached his eyes. Your heart didn't know whether to flip or plummet to the floorboards.

"I've just got to change if that's alright." Gwil shrugged to Joe, holding up a small tote of clothes, you presumed. The boy's plans must have been minutes away from happening. Why was your timing always so shit?

"Yeah of course." Joe pointed to the bathroom even though Gwil already knew where to find it. The guy disappeared behind the door and you were left alone with Joe without much time to make things right. You began to fear that your poor timing had left a permeate scar on your friendship with Joe forever, but then he spoke up.

"You can either come with us, and you and I can talk about this later tonight... Or you can go home now. And I really don't think you should do that."

His voice was quiet for the sake of Gwilym happening to hear, but there was a softness in Joe's tone that wasn't there minutes ago. He was giving you a chance. You felt like a kid who'd just weaseled their way out of detention, one folly dismissed, but the rest of your actions being closely monitored until further notice. You had to accept his offer, even if you weren't dressed as well for the occasion.

“Okay.” You nodded, unsure how you were supposed to act, barely processing where you were off too.

The tall Welshman reappeared from the bathroom in record time, sporting a striped mint green shirt and wild eyes.

“Let’s go have some fun!” Gwilym announced, leading the way to the front door. This was like an optical illusion, a fever dream version of the weekend before where everything was the same but so much different all at once.

///

The next thing you knew you were sat in the back of Joe’s car, one seat away from Gwilym, who went on wishing he could stay with Joe again but how there was some hotel in the city paying for his room, hosting some fashion show he had to attend. You wished you could have such worries, but teetered in the middle of feeling excited to see Gwil, and totally afraid of where you and Joe stood.

Just before your thoughts consumed you, the car pulled into the backstage lot of a huge arena. Through a break in the gates, you could see hoards of fans peppering the sidewalks on the horizon, racing to the front doors. At the sight of a couple of young girls and their parents decked in Queen merch, you realized that this night was probably going to be the long-awaited best experience ever, for some of these concert goers. And here you were, an undeserving drag along. You tried not to appear as out of place as you felt while you got out of the car and followed close behind the boys who knew right where to go.

On the way, without a word or a moment's hesitation, Joe grabbed your hand. You couldn't at all be sure if he could tell you were out of your element, or if this was a step in dissolving the divide between you, but you were glad for it either way. You gripped back and took a deep breath, listening to Gwilym ramble about how excited he was for everyone to be together again.

Oh shit, you thought. Of course, everyone was going to be here. Tonight of all nights, when you couldn’t be sure what was going on between you and Joe, he pulled you alongside him through the back halls of an arena. Roadies and techs hauled heavy equipment down side halls, while the one you walked through remained empty and hollow. Your heartbeat was heavy and low, you swore you felt Joe squeeze your hand. Why was he still holding yours?

You didn’t have much more time to worry before you were upon a green room, where several strangers mingled around craft tables hardly looking your way.

The group who did turn around with a cheer was made up of Joe’s former co-stars and dear friends. You knew their faces and remembered their names. Joe made sure they all knew yours.

Lucy was made up of perfect features and a gentle disposition and she hugged you like you’d known her for years. You didn’t know Ben but you’d go so far as to say his smile was genuine and he meant when he said he was glad to finally meet you.

Then there was Rami. You’d learned his name before all this, back when he worked with Joe before. The handsome actor crashed a few facetime calls with Joe and was always nice to you during those virtual hangs. You never really imagined you get the chance to say hello again, and wondered if the superstar even recalled those days at all.

You watched Rami break away from a happy hug with Joe, who started to introduce you. But Rami spoke up first.

"I always wondered when this day would come." Rami let a knowing smirk turn up at the corner of his mouth when he locked eyes with you. And something happened, as you looked at him.

You'd been coping with the fact that everyone kept disappearing. But as you looked at Rami for the first real-time, you realized that some people came back. Rami hugged you without another word, and you hugged him back hard, and it lasted a while. It was as if he knew what you were thinking, how profoundly this meeting altered your perspective.

You spotted Joe watching on with a soft expression that nearly broke your already confused heart. He caught your eye and closed his in a slow blink, silently communicating that for now, everything was okay. When the hug ended, you smiled at Rami and he told you he was glad you were here. If there weren't a mess of other people excitedly chatting around you, you might have just cried.

And of course, that’s when two members of the world’s coolest fucking band bopped into the room, casually greeting new faces and kicking around the lounge as if they weren’t royalty.

Roger and Brian were happy to see Joe and Gwil, and the boys were happy to see the band. You felt all too much like you were invading Joe’s space, but he still looked happy when he reached over to introduce you to Roger and Brian. The rockstars cheerfully acknowledged you and you had no time to process what was happening as the group moved from the green room to the hallway. It was time for the show.

How did you end up here, at the bottom of a spectacular risen stage, watching Joe latch on to his friends who you’d only just meet but made you feel apart nonetheless?

Joe mingled among his friends who seemed to truly adore him, but kept floating back to you, filling you in on inside jokes and old stories. And when you started to tell some of your own, it seemed Joe had already beaten you to the punch, having already told his new friends about all your old adventures.

When Queen took the stage, your world was enveloped by the boom of multiple speakers and songs you’d loved forever. Brian and Roger were masters of their craft. You lost yourself in the spectacle, watching fans raise their fists in the air and sing along to familiar ballads. It wasn’t long before someone tore you from taking it all in, though.

"A ydych yn cael amser da?" Gwilym was leaning toward you, a beer at his chest and a nervous grin on his lips

A smile bloomed across your face as your brain worked at super speeds to piece together what he'd just asked. Living so long in Wales and serving drinks to grumpy old men who had a lot to complain about was the best way to pick up the langue; alongside Tegan who translated stories to you after hours. You didn't know everything, but you knew enough to realize Gwilym had just asked you if you were having a good time. You hadn't heard a thing like it in ages...

"Bydda! Wyt ti?" You laughed, turning to look at Gwil with glee.

"I just texted me mum to ask how to say that on the ride over, I'm sorry I don't know what you just said," Gwilym admitted over a flaming guitar solo, a little tipsy.

"We'll have that secret langue down one day." You laughed.

Everyone had been so lovely and welcoming to you, but Gwil seemed to officially be your friend now, too. You realized that the interaction with him was the first time you’d ever addressed your time in Wales without mentally spiraling down the path of the tragic backstory you scored there. You almost missed the place, now.

As you considered the rocky way your day had started out, you realized that the night had been made of tiny stitches of really good things. You weren’t foolish enough to understand how lucky you were, but you felt undeserving all the while. 

Rami kept giving you winks and nods that you somehow understood.

Lucy kept pulling you in for sweet selfies.

And the band played their hearts out. But when they eased into Who Wants To Live Forever, you were sent floating back to earth, cursed by trauma you didn’t even feel attached to any longer, but that still haunted you all the same. The song only sent you deeper into your own thoughts, and luckily when you turned to look for Joe, he was right by your side.

“Thanks for letting me tag along.” You spoke to Joe, leaning in close so he could hear past the song.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Joe leaned closer, and while you didn't know why, you knew he meant it.

///

You were in the backseat of Joe’s car against before you knew it. Gwil had slipped in the front to help find directions to his hotel, planning to get lunch with Joe before he headed home for London at the end of the week.

A part of your heart had been left in that arena, on the stage where two musical icons put on a killer show. In the place where you met some of Joe’s closest confidants, a place you’d been invited too. Your ears rang, and the bright lights that flickered as Joe drove through the city caused you to doze off.

You only caught bits of Gwilym leaving, barely registering when he promised to see you both again. You only really came to when Joe parked in a lot of his building.

What now? You didn’t know. You only followed behind Joe as you noticed him watching to make sure you were close by. Neither of you spoke on the trek up to his place, and even as you passed into his apartment there was a lingering silence. The calm before the storm, you decided.

You stood in his kitchen a few feet apart, knowing that you had to finish what you started here, earlier.

“I know I didn’t give you much of an option showing up unannounced but… why did you invite me to the show?” You asked slowly, trying to reason why Joe would have been nice enough to let you tag along if he was so upset with you earlier.

He stood leaning against the island, staring at you as if he’d forgotten you'd been at odds the last time you stood here.

“Because even though sometimes I don’t understand you, I still want you around. I still want you to be a part of things. It just makes sense.” Joe looked at you through his lashes.

“I’m sorry I’m so good at fucking everything up.” You said, tears stinging your eyes. You didn’t deserve Joe, and he didn’t deserve you and the shadows cast from the cloud that seemed to follow you around these days.

“You don’t fuck everything up,” Joe spoke assuredly. “You might make shit a little difficult sometimes, sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you.”

You had been trying not to cry since you got here, but nothing could stop you from bursting into tears, now. Yeah, this was definitely the backward path to making things better. And you were so confused that it was hard to see if things were better or not. All you could do was cover your face in your hands and hope for the best.

And when Joe spoke up to nervously ask why you were crying, all you could say was,

“Because I love you too.” You explained in a frustrated cry. This was another example of how unnecessarily stressful you had to make things, and that only made you cry harder.

But it wasn’t long before you felt Joe approach, cautiously reaching out to calm you down. He pulled you closer and you dared to close the gap, falling against Joe as you struggled to stop your tears.

He held onto you there, letting you cry until you couldn’t any longer. There was an exceptional weight lifted from your shoulders in the midst of letting out everything you’d been trying to push deep down for so long now.

As you steadied your breathing, you wished you didn’t have an excuse to release your latch on Joe. But when he slowly let go of you, he remained just as close. Joe brushed back your hair and wiped away some of your stray tears as you stared at him in awe of his unwavering care.

Then, he kissed you. Joe kissed you. Like the cameras were rolling and you were meant to appear crazy about each other. It all happened so quickly that your brain seemed to short circuit. You came to your senses enough to give into kissing him back, hardly thinking of how you got here, lost in the fact that it was happening at all.

But as the kiss died down and you both parted to catch your breath, you remembered why you came to Joe’s in the first place. And even though his eyes were still locked on your lips, you regretfully had to snap him out of it.

"Don't you dare kiss me again until we figure our shit out," You demand, wagging your finger and spinning over to the couch. It was time to stop pretending you knew everything about each other and ask a few questions.

“We’ve never really talked since I got back. I think we’d better.” You crossed your arms as Joe chuckled, at your demeanor but nodding as if he just realized this was true.

Together you sat facing each other in the middle of his big comfy couch, and seamlessly delved into a conversation about all the bits that made up your complicated life long relationship. You talked about how sorry you were for so many things and how grateful you were for others.

Joe apologized for getting so upset with you when you showed up, today. You apologized for not calling him as often as you should have and missing his dad's funeral. You started to apologize for letting your jealousy get the better of you last week, but Joe stopped you. He admitted that he'd only kept Lacy around so long because he did, in fact, like the attention. Then he apologized for making you feel like you had something to be wrong about.

The conversation lasted for at least an hour or more, until you caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall. It was suddenly three in the morning. There seemed to be so much more left to discuss with Joe, years of conversations had been left unfinished, and you were just getting started on picking up the pieces.

"Hey, remember when I used to joke about you and I swapping places for a day?" You suddenly recalled with a smile. Joe's eyes sparkled with recognition while he barely lifted a brow, suggesting you go on...

"I really believed no one would notice. Because you were always over for dinner and I was always over for breakfast."

"And we were gone together most of the day, anyway." Joe chuckled, eyes blinking slowly like an old trusting cat. You let yourself smile, considering everything all at once. Not much had changed, it seemed...

“What the fuck are we gonna do now, Joe?” You asked, like there was a war outside and no time to find shelter.

“What we’ve been doing. What we’re doing now.” Joe shrugged. “Figuring shit out together.” He stressed that final word with a micro nod and a gleam in his eye.

"Can I stay the night?" You whispered, not out of shyness, just respect. Besides, you already knew the answer. You could tell Joe wasn't going to let you out of his moonstruck sight for the rest of time and you had no plans of straying.

As soon as Joe started to give a nod of approval you slouched closer to him, slinking your arms around his shoulders and nearly falling asleep the second you melted against him.

Joe held you, not too tight. Just warm and precious. His fingers lightly scratched your shoulder blade as you both seemed to sigh in relief.

"I missed you." You muffled against his skin. Joe let out a contented mewl then, pulling you ever so slightly closer against him.

"Do we have all our shit worked out now?" Joe asked in a way you knew was serious. And because for the most part, you did, you said,

"Are you just asking so you can kiss me again?"

You both laughed, just like always. And for the first time in a long time, you weren’t worried about what happened, what was currently happening, or what might. You just felt happy. You were happy.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[the-fiction-witch]

Girl nextdoor

REAL LIFE

COUPLE TBS X READER

RATING SMUTT

"Thomas! Go help your mother with the washing!" My dad yelled as I sat in my room playing London racer, some little game I picked up cheap where you race a classic mini around the London eye

"Uhhh dad! I'm busy!" I yelled back

"Now!" He ordered so I sighed pausing my game and going down into the garden to help my mum while Ava ran around doing something im not sure what?

"Why do I have to help and Ava doesn't?" I complain

"Thomas!" He warns leaning in the patio door "don't get smart with me, else I'm taking your TV"

"But it's not fair!" I complain

"Thomas go to your room!" He ordered

"Thank you" i smiled going to go but he grabbed my shirt

"I'm taking your TV, and your playstation" he says going upstairs but I ran up to my room as fast as I could but he was already unplugging it

"Dad! That's not fair!" I yelled

"I warned you, I understand your going through some kind of teen angsty phase Thomas but enough of it, your grounded until you sort out this attitude problem" he says as he left the room with my TV and my games consoles so I slammed my bedroom door and laid on my bed, until

"Hello?" A little voice giggled from my window

"I'm not in the mood y/n!" I tell her

"I brought you mashmellows" she giggled

"You can leave them on the desk" I sighed but I heard steps and felt her poke my arm "what?" I groan "what do you want y/n?" I ask turning to see her

Whoa! What in holy hell happened to her!

I hadn't seen her since I came home from my last shoot, i- I was only gone three months!

Her hair had been cut off to a pixie almost, her thick glasses still perched on her nose as normal hiding the little freckles there, she had a little shirt with some graphic thing in it I could see her white bra strap where the shirt had slipped away, speaking of which, they where huge! They went exactly little when I left!, and a little short leatherette skirt with blue leggings hugging he thick things close

"Something the matter Thomas?" She asks confused why I had just frozen looking at her

"Wh wh wha wha what happened to you!" I ask in shock

"Ohh? Puberty I guess, yeah, I kinda missed it all" she blushed

"Yeah... I missed it" I nodded blushing hard

"You look nice though" she smiled sitting on my bed with me fixing a stay bit of her hair

"Thank you, but... As much as I want to see you y/n, I'm grounded" I told her

"Ohh I see" she giggled "it's okay, I'll sneak you food and things to do, here you can borrow my ds" she smiled pulling it out her top

"Y- you can fit a whole ds down your bra now?" I ask and she nods handing it to me giving me a hug and climbing out my window and back to her house I sat shocked a while I couldn't stop thinking about her I put her ds on my bedside table unable to think straight, what the hell is happening to me?

I laid laying y/n's ds, for a while mostly just play germ buster on brain training with the sound only in my earbuds till I yawned so I turned it off getting cosy in my bed to get some sleep, I hugged my pillow tightly, I just felt so happy and cosy in my bed Tonight I heard a giggle which made me jump I looked to my window and nothing, she wouldn't be coming over this late anyway so I put a blanket over me trying to fall asleep...

"Ohh Thomas" that sweet voice called to me, I have a thousand memories of that voice of hers but I loved hearing it tonight "heheheh Tommy"

"Umm y/n" I smirked falling deeper into my sleep,

When I woke I could hear the birds tweeting in the garden and I yawned having a stretch but I felt weird

"Hahahaha Thomas was sexy dreaming!" Ava laughed as she stood in my room "ohhh y/n, ohh Thomas!" She laughs

"Ava! Get out of my room!" I yelled throwing a pillow at her and she ran off out my bedroom I sighed going to get out of bed but I felt awful I pulled my covers back and - oh fuck!

I quickly jumped out of bed, best I could given I had some serious morning wood quickly getting my boxers off and getting a clean pair on ohh how the hell am I gonna deal with my bedsheets? Maybe If I completely strip the bed and tell my mum I changed it maybe she won't ask questions and won't look at the sheet

"Thomas?" A gigglely voice asks so I threw my boxers into the bed and climbed back in hidding everything as she climbed in the window "hi" she smiled

"Hi" I smiled

"You okay?" She asks

"Uhh yeah, yeah you uhh you woke me up that's all" I blush

"Heheheh relax Thomas, I've seen you in bed before, we use to have sleepovers remember" she laughs as she came sitting in the bed with me "are you okay? You seem... distant from me?" She asks

"Hu? Why would you think that?" I ask

"You've been acting odd since you came back, I get it, don't exactly wanna be hanging around with some stupid girl now your all grown up" she says

"No no y/n, it's not that" I tell her holding her hand

"Then what?" She asks

"It's... It's hard to explain" I told her "I don't really understand all of it right now but I promise, it's not that I don't want to spend time with you" I told her

"Yay!" She smiled Hugging my chest so I hugged her too she smiled leaving me some more games and heading off home I breathed alittle now she's gone, that didn't help the morning wood! A beautiful sexy girl climbing in my window at half ten in the morning

I hummed as I pegged my clothes on the line luckily I had managed to sneak anything I didn't want my parents to find away in my own laundry so they wouldn't find it currently doing a whole bunch I my boxers including the ones from the other morning

"Hi Thomas?" A little voice giggled I looked at the fence and saw y/n

"Y/n! Hi! Uhhhh hello" I blushed trying to cover up my underwear

"Relax Thomas, nothing I haven't seen before" she giggled winking at me and Running off.

I sighed sitting in my bed I got my stuff back so I was sat playing some games in the dark, I out of boredom during a loading screen I looked out my window spotting the little light next door I got up and looked, out of curiosity but when I did, I saw y/n stood in her room in just her bra and panties I felt like I was gonna explode she looked beautiful, sexy, irresistible like I'd give the word to get my hands on her I hid myself away shutting my curtians and trying to not think about what I saw shutting my game off and trying to get some sleep but I knew I couldn't it hurt! It pulsed and ached! I don't know what to do! I normally just wait for it to go down, but I can't fall asleep like this even if I did I'm just going to repeat the other week, I thought for ages trying to make it go down, but I felt my hand slip down my stomach and into my boxers not sure why I only really do that if my hands are cold, but I gripped the hard shaft and my eyes rolled back it felt so good I instantly Ran my hand up and down it feeling amazing I couldn't stop my hand working on its own, my head only thinking about one thing... About my pretty little y/n, how amazing she looks now how badly I wanted my hands on her pretty body, how badly I I I want to kiss her and touch her, "uuuhhh y/n!" I groan trying to stop myself from being nosy so my parents and sister won't hear me "uumm uuummmm Y/n..." I wanted her more then I ever have before my beautiful sexy y/n just have her climb in my room in those little dresses and skirts I knew I should stop but I couldn't make myself no Matter how hard I tried to stop "oooh y/n.... Uhh uuuhh" I groaned rolling my head on my pillow when a sudden overwhelming Wave of pleasure washed over me it twinged in my cock but flowed to my head and the tip my toes I couldn't breathe I couldn't think it felt so so good till it stopped. I was eaughsted laid on my bed catching my breath I couldn't even get the strength to open my eyes or move my hand I smirked happy with my little secret and turning over to get some sleep.

I yawned as I stretched getting out of my bed it's been a few weeks since my...  Humm my first time doing it, and I'm not gonna lie I might have a problem. Every night before I go to sleep, every morning before I get dressed, every one I have a bath, any time I'm alone, my hands in my pants I couldn't help it it just feels so nice I didn't want to stop I sat on my bed checking my phone nothing important so I went down getting a drink and noticed the house was empty, they had all gone out they'll be back later so a note said so I shrugged and got dressed sitting in bed watching TV having my hand down my jeans, not even to play with myself I just kinda like having my hand down my pants

"Hello?" She giggled so I quickly took my hand out and did my jeans back up

"Hey" I smiled as she climbed in the window "my parents aren't here y/n, you could have used the door" I laughed

"Now you tell me" she sighed coming and sitting on the other side of my bed "hi"

"Hi" I blushed it was strange having her sat on my bed given everything I've been... doing in my bed lately,

"I brought a movie" she says handing me a dvd box so I had a look

"Why did you bring a nature documentary?" I ask

"Looked interesting could learn something Thomas" she laughs getting up and going to sort my TV I got up and had a stretch walking past her

"I guess so, alright.. you do that I will make popcorn" I told her giving her cheek a kiss as I went past, wait... What the hell did i kiss her for! I froze realizing what I had done

"Uhhh okay," she laughs blushing a little "what was that for?" She asks

"I uhhhhh I ummm I umm well I uhgg" I stutter unable to form any words of any sort of excuse for why the bloody hell I kissed her

"Hehe Don't worry about it Tommy, well talk about it later" she smiled giving my cheek a kiss I blushed hard it feeling like burning where she kissed me I quickly ran downstairs to avoid her eyes making some popcorn and getting some other snacks for us even a bottle of fizzy pop and taking it all up to my room, once I got there she had pulled my curtains and the light was off, all but my little lamp on my bedside table and the light from the TV she was sat against the headboard on my side of my bed where I normally sleep Hugging one of my pillows close to her I smiled blushing hard looking at her in my bed we sorted all the snacks out at the end of the bed so they weren't in the way and she smiled patting the space beside her

"Uhhhh y/n, I just, just give me a minute I have to go do something" I tell her

"Okay" she nods giving my cheek another kiss I blushed just as hard as before I not more I went to go but she grabbed my arm "Don't I got a kissy too?" She giggled as she pulled so I sat on the edge of my bed

"Uhh yeah, sorry I uhh" I blushed

"Don't you want to kiss me?" She asks interwining our fingers so I held her hand

"No no no! Of course I do" I said to her "I'm just... Not the best with people, you know that y/n" I told her giving her cheek a kiss "five minutes I promise" I reasure her kissing her hand so she would let me go and she did so I went to my door and she looked upset "five minutes, and I'll be back y/n" I smiled

"Okay" she giggled tucking herself in my bed and blowing me a kiss so I blew her a kiss too before I left my room the second I shut the door I bolted down the corridor to the bathroom ohh my fucking god I kissed her! And she's kissing me! Could I actually get a kiss of y/n? Or maybe even something better!  I didn't know what to do to calm down so I brushed my teeth I already did this morning but if our kisses get more serious then I don't want to be worried about it, I didn't know what to do about...the obvious jeans problem, I'm my bed I'll be so tempted to just stick my hands down them, so I undid my jeans quickly Rubbing going as fast as I could thinking of those heavenly kisses umm I want those sexy lips all over me

"Thomas you okay?" She asks from the other side of the door

"Yeah! I'm fine!" I force out trying to keep going hearing her voice helped alot

"Alright, I'm gonna start an episode okay" she says

"Okay, just give me a couple more minutes" I answered just as I "ummmmmm!" I bit m mouth hard to stop myself screaming as I finished into the sink and crashed into the waves of pleasure I smirked and sorted myself out, washing my hands and face as well as putting alot more deodorant and Body spray and fixing my hair so I looked good for her calming down and going back to my room "what did I miss?" I ask sitting on my bed with her

"Uhh the into, and something about lions" she says eating popcorn

"Fun" I laughed quickly getting some popcorn before she ate it all watching the show a while, they where talking about sloths, y/n likes sloths, not sure why... She finds them cute

"Thomas look it's you" she says pointing to the sloth

"Why is it me?" I asked

"Because your lazy, cute and fluffy" she says resting her head on my shoulder

"Aww... Thanks y/n" I smiled resting my head on hers while she was watching I took her hand again making her smile a little more giving my cheek another kiss I blushed hard looking at her nuzzled on my shoulder I smiled and gave her nose a tiny kiss making her giggle like crazy she smiled looking at me I couldn't help blushing harder looking into her eyes I wanted to kiss her to really kiss her and I think she wanted to as well I went to lean In but -

My phone went off so I grabbed it, it was my mum, y/n moved away a little when I answered

"Hi?" I ask

"Hello, were popping into the store after this did you need anything?" She asks

"Uhh no I'm good" I answered after a few more little things she hung up so I sighed putting my phone away "sorry" I told her

"It's okay" she shrugs watching the TV hardly looking at me we sat quietly for a while till I got an idea I yawned and stretched putting my arm around her making her laugh "really? The old yawn arm around Thomas? That's as old as the hills" she laughs

"It worked didn't it?" I shurg and she nods moving to wrap her arms around my neck so I wrapped my other arm around her waist sitting my hands on her waist she smiled licking her bottom lip as she looked at me I froze unsure really what to do but she moved forward pressing her soft lips against mine, it was like heaven to kiss her, her lips soft and smooth perfectly warm and just wet enough I kissed back best I could and she pulled me closer our kiss deepening as she tilted her head a little moving her lips against my own I kissed her back trying my best to keep up with her till we got into a slow and sweet rythum we kept like this for what felt like forever I never wanted to stop just then her tongue licked across my bottom lip I froze unsure how to respond I slightly opened my mouth letting her tongue slip in she played and toyed with my own so I did it a little to her too, she tasted like honey and apple juice and a little of the salt from the popcorn we had even eating till she moved it away so I slipped my tongue in her mouth and she played and toyed with me still even slightly sucking on my tounge which is what made me pull away

"Something wrong Thomas?" She asks

"Wrong? Ohh no, I just uhh need to get breath back honey" I tell her making her giggle more

"Your a good kisser Thomas" shs smiled

"Thanks, your a great kisser y/n" I told her "in fact could I uhh... Could I kiss you again?" I ask and she nods so I pulled her back and kissed her again still losing myself in everything about her I shifted a little in bed slightly uncomfortable when I felt it so I pulled away and moved away from her arms

"Thomas what's wrong?" She asks

"Ohhh uhhh.... Nothing" I blushed trying to hide it with my arms but I think by her face I think she might have known

"It's alright Thomas I know" she laughs "it has been poking my leg the last half hour"

"It has?" I ask and she nods "I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to-"

"Thomas it's alright, your a boy, I'm not surprised it happened I mean it was some pretty serious kissing" she smiled "I was expecting you to its alright"

"Your sure?" I ask and she nods

"I mean, you could always play around with me while we're kissing if you wanted" she smiled

"I I I I I could?" I stutter

"If you like to" she smiled "and maybe if you did I would play too and sort any problems that arise" she smirked

"Uhhh okay" I nod blushing very hard giving her another kiss she giggled giving me a kiss too soon enough we where back to making out I was about to move my hands and -

The door opened and my bedroom light clicked on so I quickly pulled away putting some distance between me and y/n

"What where you to doing up here?" My dad asks

"Nothing" i answered

"In your room? in the dark? In bed?" He asks

"Watching TV" she smiled

"Alright, you should head home now y/n, your parents will be worried" he said leaving my room and we sighed

"That was close" i blushed

"Indeed it was, my house tomorrow, we can lock the door" she winked getting her stuff

"Uhhh y/n, before you go... I- I really do like you, and if we're gonna keep kissing an stuff I I'd really like us to... Be something" I explain and she giggled at me

"Of course Thomas" she smiled kissing me "see you Tomorrow, my sweet boyfriend" she smiled

"Tomorrow, my beautiful girlfriend" I smiled giving her one more kiss before she went off home.

[skizmin]

you’re my favourite constellation.

stargazing!au, friends to lovers with han jisung

(this giF IM SCREAMING CUTIE)

request from @straybin: Can I request a stray kids jisung friends to lovers star gazing au! Your aus are super sweet I loved the seungmin one!

(thank you so much ily 💝💓💖💕💞💘💗)

alright lets get straight into it

so youre a highschool student with an affinity for astrology, like, you love it

for your birthdays you get astrology books and maps and even once a really cool telescope!!

its just what you love, okay?

anyway, recently youd moved in with your cousin who lived alone and needed a roommate, plus it was closer to your school than your own home.

you parents practically shoved you in there with short notice (at least they were paying rent and grocery expenses) and you were like well okay

you didnt mind your cousin at all, but she can be a bit excitable and overbearing sometimes but you have to deal with it really

“dUDE i gotta show you something follow me”

you were unpacking when your cousin said this, you set down your telescope and followed her out the front door. your cousin lived in an apartment block basically, she was on the third story out of five. there was a very cute young family across the hall from you guys n stuff

anyway she kept going up and up these stairs and you were like where the fUck are we going im so tired

she laughed and said you were almost there and proceeded to push open a big heavy door

wow

you were in complete awe

in front of you was a massive open roof, the setting sun and the wide sky completely in view from all points, and when you looked up? oh my god it just seemed so clear

“you like stargazing dont you? youre allowed to come up here all you want as long as you dont make a ruckus yeah?”

you agreed, smiling W I D E and attacking your cousin in a hug

like,, two weeks later?

you still hadnt gone stargazing on the roof yet

on top of moving in and mid term school, it was a struggle to deal with so you just didnt have the time at the moment

untillll you had a falling out with a friend. it wasnt anything too serious but a few hurtful truths were said and the added stress of everything else going on, it was just overwhelming

so when you got home that afternoon, you packed a small box with your telescope, your notebook and pens, a couple of your astrology study books and two big blankets

then, after you made and ate dinner with your cousin, you made a big cup of hot chocolate (or coffee or tea or a moccha, whatever you prefer) and told your cousin you were going upstairs and youd probably be back late so youd take a key in case she was asleep

your cousin agreed and watched you balance the massive mug and your box in your hands and also the two big pillows you spontaneously grabbed as you walked out

arriving on the roof, you laid everything out, not bothering to set up your telescope just yet and you sat back sipping your hot drink

you didnt know when you started to cry but it happened, and soon enough you where silent sobbing on your own letting out a few sniffles here and there. life was just too busy and overwhelming at the moment

it was about half an hour later when you stopped sobbing, you were still crying, wiping your tears from your face every minute or so, this was when the door to the roof opened and shut

you thought it would just be your cousin so you stayed still and aited for her to find you and comfort you

the the felt a foot hit your thigh and heard a whisper shout of “hoLY FUCK”

you sat up, hastily wiping your tears as you tried to see the dark figure in front of you, they had turned on their torch and were now shining it directly into your eyes

“i am so sOrry i didnt even see you there, were you sleeping? oh god i cant believe i just almost stepped on you- wait? are you crying? oh my god”

it was some sort of god in front of you, you were sure. perfectly tanned skin, gorgeous doe like eyes, soft cheeks and pink lips. you were pretty much mesmerised, even as he crouched down in front of you

“hey, im sorry. i really didnt mean it its just dark out, are you okay? i didnt hurt you did i?”

he sounded so unbelievably guilty that you felt bad, snapping out of it you responded with a choked out “im sorry, im fine, its okay!”

the boy in front of you smiled out of relief, eyes lingering on you before looking at the set-up around you

“im jisung, i live on 2nd floor. i havent seen you around before, i didnt know we had new neighbours”

he looked at you and tilted his head in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips set in a slight pout. your heartbeat involuntarily picked up at the sight

“oh! im uh- im y/n, i just moved in with my cousin y/c/n, she lives on third floor...” you awkwardly and shyly looked down to the ground, hastily tidying up the mess of notebooks and your hot drink as he replied

“oh! y/c/n! i know her, shes really nice. how old are you? you look a bit younger than her honestly” his brows furrowed further and he smiled lightly when you looked up at him, he was still crouching in front of you

“oh, im 17, she lives closer to my school than my parents and she needed a housemate, so here i am!” you laughed really nervously and looked down at your fingers again

jisung smiled to himself, ah, theyre cute

“oh, im the same age then!” he laughed before looking away slightly, asking the difficult question, “are you sure youre okay? you look like youve been crying,”

dread crushed your chest, he’d seen you crying, this was really embarassing for you

“oh nothing! i was just- uh, i was just a bit stressed is all” you held your breath, hoping jisung wouldnt pry any further, you really didnt want to talk about it

he laughed good heartedly, “ah yeah, we all get a bit like that sometimes. what are you doing up here though? its freezing, are you studying or something? waiT IS THAT A TELESCOPE?!”

it was your turn to laugh, this kid was really positive and seemed to know how to take a hint

“im stargazing! my cousin said i could come up here but, if you need to roof then dont worry ill go down its no porblem”

you looked at his face this time as you spoke and oh my god stop smiling at me like that 

“stargazing? thats so cool! dont worry, i only came up here for some fresh air, my housemates are a bit loud. so what, do you just look at the stars and planets or?” he finally sat dwn next to you. “can you show me a constellation?”

you giggled and nodded, you whole body tingling because of the close proximity of your bodies and the idea of the stereo-typically romantic thing you were about to do. “we need to lay back okay?”

you laid back, he followed, his head was lost to to yours and his hands rested on his stomach, he turned his head to look at you

m i s t a k e

you didnt turn to him. you were bright red at the feel of his breath fanning across your face you kept your head straight on the sky

“now what?” he softly whispered it to you, your stomach violently dipped and your heart practically stopped

youre all “uhhhh uh- well, uh, you just um- see that sorta diamond of stars over there? and then it sorta uh, has a triangle on top?”

jisung follows your line of eyesight and tries to focs on specific stars that make out the shape, he sees it “oH! i see it!”

“yeah, thats lyra, its a harp basically.”

jisung squints and you lightly turn your head to him, not fully, just enough to see his face. “oh, it does look like a harp i guess, whys it there?”

“it represents the lyre of orpheus, who was a greek poet and musician, he was killed though...”

“wow, thats sad but also so cool...” jisungs phone buzzes, you see its a message from someone called minho, asking where he is

“crap, y/n, ive gotta go but um. i really liked talking to you and im really interested in the stars now, it seems like theyve all got stories. would you mind teaching me again sometime?”

he was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly

“oh! um- yeah of course i will, i mean, yeah definitely!”

you realised you didnt have his phone, so you couldnt really get your number for him

he saw you looking and spoke up “uh, maybe just next time, um, come and grab me? my apartment is number 6, im almost always there if im not at school really. just, whenever youre going up and you feel like some company, come knock on the door or something?”

you smiled, the thought made you nervous but you did want to see jisung again. “okay, of course.”

he smiled brightly at you, you cursed your heart again, “great! ill get going then, dont stay for too long okay? youll get a cold.” he stood up and waved to you

“bye jisung!” you call out softly as he walks away

you leave not long after he left, it felt boring on your own suddenly. you didnt even remember youd been crying at all, it felt like a massive weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

you slept so easily that night, dreaming of the stars and jisung.

a week and a half later? it was a friday night 

you were packing your box to go stargazing again when you remembered jisung, you wanted to bring him along with you. he might be busy, but you packed an extra couple of blankets and soem pillows and placed them just inside your door before you went downstairs to go and get him

you were so nervous as you knocked on the door, preparing for utter embarrassment. the door opened up tho

“oh, youre not the complex owner thank god.” you were greeted by someone possibly younger than you, he had reddish hair and a sweet smile. “how can i help you?’

you tried to block out the screeches coming from inside the apartment, you could hear about five voices screaming at once “im uh, im y/n, im from upstairs? i was wondering if jisung was here at all?”

he smirked, like he knew something you didnt. “sure one sec, im seungmin by the way.” he turned away from you and screamed into the apartment “jiSUNG, SOMEONES HERE FOR YOU, HURRY UP.” 

“coMING!!” was heard throughout the apartment followed by a “fELiX gEt ofF Of mE” and seungmin smiled awkwardly at you before a head popped past the wall into the entrance way

“oh! y/n! you came!” he tried to walk over to the door but you noticed a body dragging on his legs.

“jiSUNG PLEASE DO MY CHORES FOR ME.” the boy yelled at jisungs feet

seungmin laughed, looking at you saying “ill leave you to it” before jogging over to a tangled up jisung and who you presumed was felix and tearing felix from jisungs body, dragging him away

“uh, sorry about that, hes lazy and pathetic.” jisung laughed, so did you

“i was just wondering if you were free? i was about to go up to the roof..”

jisung smiled brightly, “of course, let me get my coat and phone.”

once he was ready you two went up to your apartment, you told him to come in and wait a bit while you made him a hot drink of hit choice, then you grabbed some pillows and your box and you both walked up the remaining flights of stairs to the roof

it was the beginning of a tradition really, youd go down and grab him, his housemates would call for him as soon as the saw you, before he left theyd whisper things into his ear that made him blush but you simply shrugged it off

after about two months of going up to the roof together, you admitted to yourself that you liked him

a lot

you liked his smile, his voice, how he was endlessly making you happy, you liked he warmth of when hed lie next to you and the way he’d rest a hand on your lower back, guiding you up the stairs. you liked his goodbye hugs and the way he’d hold your hands the one week you couldnt find your gloves. you liked how he was so interested in the stars like you, but you considered giving up looking at the sky to simply look into his eyes because they held galaxies within them. you liked the way he’d whisper your name to check if you were awake and the gentle touch of his fingertips when he brushed your hair out of your eyes

you liked him so much, you couldnt deny it. it crushed you in a way, you thought he would never like you back, and you increasingly got more nervous and drifted away bit by bit

one night, you were up on the roof and jisung sighed loudly, you asked him what was wrong

“can i rant a little bit? please?” jisung had puppy eyes as he sat up and looked at you, you sat up as well and nodded for him to go on

“ah, this is hard,” he started before looking at the pot plants next to your set up that were the centrepiece of the rooftop, 

“i um, basically i like this uh, this person right? i like them as more than a friend,” your heart clenched and dropped to your stomach. oh. this was heart break. “we’ve been friends for a while and i thought, well, yeah i thought id been quite obvious with my feelings. i hoped that their shyness was them maybe reciprocating my feelings but? maybe not. lately theyve just-”

jisung huffed and looked up at you again, your heart got caught in your throat, you could see he was nervous about telling someone about his crush and he looked sad talking about the unfortunate circumstances

“theyve been distancing themselves from me. they flinch away we i try to be more affectionate and- and they just dont seem like they like me anymore. not even in a romantic way, in a friend way. and im just upset i guess. ive never ever liked someone this much before, every night im filled with these feelings of just wanted to cuddle with them and take them on dates and hold their hands and- and kiss them. the whole package. it hurts, y/n. why dont they like me?”

the sad feeling you was feeling showed in your voice as you replied. “youre a great person jisung, theyd be an idiot not to like you, seriously. i cant think of someone more deserving of love than you.” you tried to nervously look into his eyes

“then why dont they like me y/n? no one ever likes me.” he was still looking down onto the ground

“i like you jisung.” 

oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no W O R D   V O M I T

you clenched your eyes shut, your heart was beating rapidly, you cant believe you just said that when hed just been speaking about liking someone else. you wanted to cry, to bury yourself alive, anything to get out of that situation.

“really? what?” he snapped his head up, staring at you wide eyed and shocked

“nevermind jisung, forget i said it, i didnt mean to make it awk-”

jisung cupped your cheeks, you felt his warm palms and cool fingertips before you felt his lips, slightly chapped yet soft

your mind was going crazy, you barely managed to move your lips along with jisungs before he parted away, still holding your cheeks and smiling widely

“out of all the stars in this world, youre the brightest y/n.”

you died inside before realising he liked you, all the things he said earlier were about you

jisungs eyes were hopeful, happy, loving, especially when you smiled at him so purely

“jisung, kiss me again.”

and he did, pulling you into his lap and letting you tangle your fingers into his hair

he even kissed you outside your apartment, giggling in happiness and tugging you into his body before saying goodbye

jisung couldnt remember a time he’d been this happy, and honestly, neither could you.

finish!! hope you liked it omg

[cleverbroadwayurl]

Some AUs that I Love

Okay so I made a giant list of AUs, prompts, and other things that I love so that you guys could reblog/request/get inspiration from them! I know some are really similar, but honestly that just means I really love that trope! Please feel free to reblog these and use them for your own purposes! I’ll update this list as time goes on, I’m sure, as I’ve had a running list for a long time that was just on my phone. I also don’t own any of these (besides 152 and 196). 

it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost

I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria

it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay

The guy with the bibles on the quad has cornered me and is screaming about hell, please rescue me

You’re the only one who actually responded to the desperate message I sent to the whole class about needing the notes

'i ordered a pumpkin spice latte at starbucks and you made a heart with the foam and i decided to drink it here so i can smile at you some more’ au

you walked here in a blizzard to get your hot chocolate but you forgot your wallet at home, here, let me buy your drink for you

we’re at the mall when there’s a severe weather warning over the loudspeakers, guess we’re spending the night here

“I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold a shirt and then leave it one more time I’m going to stuff it down your throat” AU

“You saw me reading the same book you did and we got into a heated discussion on how much it sucks” AU

“You have just witnessed me cry over the ending to my favorite game before class began please don’t ever tell anyone about this.”

“I’ve never talked to you before but the teacher just used us as an example for a scenario where we are married.”

“I’m exhausted, feverish, and hacking up a lung, and the student health center’s first suggestion was pregnancy, can you help me get to the ER in town” AU

“I know that this probably isn’t a good idea but it’s included in the meal plan and I’m stressed out, so I keep hitting the ice cream sundae bar in the buffet style dining hall at least a couple times a week” AU

bonding solely via eye contact over that annoying person on our plane that we’re both slowly becoming more and more exasperated about au

you fell asleep and i started making funny faces at your kid to keep them amused and the steward mistook us for a couple au

actually, any mistaken for a couple au

having to SHARE A LIVING SPACE FOR ARBITRARY FIC REASONS. having to see each other in their pajamas first thing in the morning, messy haired, drowsy eyed and soft faced. going from “you can have the bathroom first” to brushing their teeth beside each other and feeling like this closeness has always existed (at the same time, painfully aware that it won’t always).

bed sharing. :^) we all pretend we’re bigger than this but we are not. 

'room mate has a nightmare and doesn’t want to sit alone at night’ au 

'room mate gets sick and needs tissues and cough sweets and soup’ au

ok but a ‘your apartment is next to/above mine and i can hear you and your partner dancing and singing and the bed moving and you two laughing and talking in hussed tones and it won’t let me sleep so i bitch about it to you 24/7 and one day it stops and one day turns to one week and then months and i haven’t seen you smile in forever please let me     in, i’ve been knocking for ten minutes’ au.

Don’t tell anyone you saw me crying AU

did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

I’m calling to cancel our date because I’m actually in the ER right now, sorry. …I mean, sure, I guess you can come down here, but… okay…

You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole

'i’m having a minor breakdown in the middle of bed bath and beyond and you’re a bewildered shopper who wants to buy plates but also to make sure i’m okay bc im wailing a little bit in the kitchenware section’ au

“I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”

“You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”

“We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 

“You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

It’s like 3AM and my roommate locked me out of the house and I forgot my keys and I’m really drunk pls take pity on me and let me crash at your place for the night o’ neighbor of mine AU

The walls in this apartment building are really thin and I can hear you having mental breakdowns all the time are you okay? AU

“I barely know you but my boyfriend just broke up with me and you heard me crying so you brought over ice cream and movies” AU

I was in a hurry and I ran into you outside the coffee shop while you were carrying two lattes and it turns out they were both for you except that now you’re wearing them I’m so sorry

‘i offer you my bed to sleep in bc our respective roommates are getting it on in your room and take the sofa to sleep on only i wake up back in my bed with your tiny body wrapped around me and damn me if it isn’t the cutest thing i’ve ever seen’ au

You passed out in my car because of strong medication and now I have to figure out how to get you home and avoid taking a picture of your cute sleeping face.” 

 “Hi so i know we haven’t talked before but we have French Literature together and i noticed you’ve been gone and since we’re on the same dormitory floor i thought i’d stop by and give you my really thorough notes and oh wow you’re rEALLY sick are you ok?” 

you look so good and so many people are trying to pick you up and I can only sit in the corner and seethe, and now people are giving me concerned looks

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

 I’m worried about your coffee dependency

  “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

meeting while waiting for hours on end in the emergency room au

‘i’m pretending to be ur bff bc u looked VERY uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on u’ AU

“We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU

“we work at the same office and never really interacted but suddenly we’ve been taken hostage” AU

“at a concert and you kinda saved me from being trampled” AU

“can i borrow your blanket? i need to cry.” AU

‘im really sorry i keep staring but i dreamed about you horribly dying last night and i just wanted to make sure you dont spontaneously combust’

‘i drew you a mathematical heart curve for valentine’s day u nerd’

“I’m a waiter/waitress and you always sit in my section. I really like you and i thought you liked me back until you walked in here with a date, w h o o p s would you look at that I keep spilling stuff on them” au

Another waiter/waitress one: “You always come to this place and never talk much, but now these two assholes are harassing me and you step in and defend me” au

“My friends dared me to go on this rollercoaster but now that we’re at the top it looks way too scary and hellO hot person sitting next to me (careful i might puke)” au

“My significant other just broke up with me and I impulse bought like 5 pizzas. Can you help me eat them and make me feel less like shit?” AU

“You’re a store clerk and oh shit I just spotted my ex please let me hide behind your desk-thing” AU

"This has been a very bad week and you just grabbed the last box of my favorite comfort food at the supermarket” AU

“You crashed into me on your bicycle but I’m actually okay, you on the other hand look like you need some first aid” au

“this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au

“it’s the middle of the night and i’m walking home alone in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s starting to gain on me and i found this phone booth with a lock on the door and i tried to call my best friend but my hands were shaking so badly i accidentally dialed the wrong number and i don’t even know you but help me” au

“we’ve been pen pals for like hella months and we finally decided to meet up and damn your cute, also did you break up with your jerk bf/gf yet?” au

“i was out in public and had an anxiety attack and you left your friends to give me some chocolate and talk me through it, so tysm” au

“idk you but you were getting hit on in public and you look super uncomfortable so i walked over and pretended to be your bf/gf, but hey while we’re at it, do you wanna go get some food?” au

You and I ride the same bus home every day but never talk but then you fell asleep and sorry to wake you up (you look really cute in your sleep) but it’s your stop next

it’s exam week and i run a coffee shop near the campus and you walked right into my glass door i’m laughing so hard oh my god

you started screaming bloody murder and i could hear you from my apartment and i thought something was horribly wrong but it turned out to be just a spider. and after i squashed it with a slipper you coerced me into being your spider-savior

“you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die” au

“you fell asleep on my shoulder on the plane ride and i  would ask you to move but you look so comfy and adorable when you sleep. also you smell really good and the feeling of your breath on my skin is somewhat relaxing, maybe we can go out to lunch in this shitty airport when you wake up?” au

“i’m a quiktrip worker and whenever I work a night shift, you always arrive and buy like 3 cans of redbull and you look exhausted, do you need some help? are you okay?” au

“i catch you at the bus terminal shivering your ass off because it’s 30 degrees and for some godforsaken reason you’re wearing a short sleeve t shirt, so out of pity i lend you my hoodie and you look so surprised it’s the cutest thing i’ve ever seen, setting aside the fact that you’re a goddamn idiot, do you want to get sick?” au

(cont.) “you look so sad and cold that i just tell you to keep my hoodie b/c you obviously need it more than i do. a week later i see you at a coffee shop/book store/etc. and you’re wearing my hoodie which you look so fucking tiny and cute in, and you just saw me and you look super embarrassed; you offer me it back but i tell you it suits you more and we end up talking and i buy you a drink” au

i tried to call a crisis hotline but got one number off and started ranting for 10 minutes before you got to speak and tell me i got the wrong number but now you’re worried about me and telling me not to hang up

Character A has been working at a retail store during the night/early morning of Black Friday and is so tired, but they need to stay awake so that they can drive home. Character A stops at Character B’s small coffee shop—which opened early in case people came in at 4am—and Character A accidentally falls asleep in a very comfortable chair while waiting on their coffee. Character B lets them sleep and even gets a blanket out of the back room to cover Character A

You’ve been missing for 5 months and suddenly you turn up at my doorstep with a huge scar across your face, looking more grim than when you left and won’t talk about what happened.

You usually only order hot chocolate and yet today you’re ordering something with six shots of espresso, are you okay??? Are you gonna die???

I just took a super dangerous job and you’re trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money

You always bring your dates here to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone…you okay mate?

We are trapped in a bank during a robbery

I saw you sleeping on the couch in the lounge in the morning, but now it’s like 5 pm and you’re still here. Are you okay?

I don’t know how we ended up having to sit next to each other on a roller coaster ride—sorry I fell against you  and grabbed your hand a couple times

“You’re so small”

“I can’t breathe”

“Fight me”

“Whose head do I have to rip off?”

“Don’t you ever fucking touch them again”

Found the other in an alleyway under the influence of drugs/alcohol and brought them home

“Why am I your emergency contact?”

“Wait, you actually stayed the night?”

“If he’s going to treat you like shit, I’m gong to kick his ass.”

“I just want to cuddle and watch friends.

“I want my best friend back”

“If I ever see you anywhere near her, you’ll have to deal with me!”

“Fuck…I feel like I’ve been hit by a car”

“Who gave you that black eye?!”

“Are you drunk?”

“You got her pregnant?! What were you thinking?”

“It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”

“We should get you to a hospital.”

I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waiter please help me

just a game? jUST A GAME????? FUCK YOU I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN

“Please don’t touch me”

“Does he know about the baby?”

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Game’s over son of a bitch! Tell me where she is!”

“Look at me—just breathe, okay?”

“Shit, are you bleeding?”

“You haven’t touched your food. What’s going on?”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“That guy at the bar keeps staring at you.”

“You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

“Do you want to stay over tonight?”

“Every guy you date is a total jerk and I have to watch you get heartbroken over and over again because you can’t see that I love you!”   

We were snuggling in our underwear when my roommate came home early from vacation now you have to try and sneak down the fire     escape while I distract them with really terrible small talk

I don’t really know you but I noticed that this creep has been trying to chat you up even though you’ve already turned him down, so I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend until they leave you alone

It’s 2 am, we’re standing outside of our apartment building because someone pulled the fire alarm, and you look cold and unprepared, do you want to share my blanket?

We share a class at university and you forgot your notebook under your desk but luckily your phone number’s written inside PS: your doodles are pretty cool

I got stood up on a date and you were just grabbing dinner—shit my ex is here, sit down and pretend to laugh at something I said attractive stranger

Our flats are opposite each other and your kitchen window faces my kitchen so we always see each other making coffee at 3am.

Imagine you’ve been stood up by your douche of a boyfriend on date night and the waitress keeps asking if you’re ready to order but you keep asking for more time hoping that he’s just late. People are starting to look at you with those apologetic looks like they now and you start to feel worse and worse about the whole situation but as you decide to just get up and leave, this boy you’ve never seen sits down explaining loudly “Sorry, I’m so late, traffic is crazy right now.” He quietly adds “I’m [name]. Just go with it, yeah? Whoever didn’t bother to show up is a dick.” And so you go with it because he’s sweet and trying to save you (and plus he’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen) and as you’re leaving the restaurant after the best non-planned date ever, he asks you out for real this time.

I’ve been texting my friend for about a week now and they don’t reply but turns out I was texting a random person and there was some deep personal stuff I sent oh my god why are they calling me now (+bonus if the person calls at 2am)

“Look I don’t mean to pry but you’ve been wearing the same outfit for three days and I just want to check that you’ve slept?” “Okay obviously not because you just passed out in the hallway holy shit what do I do?”

You’re the bartender and you catch someone slipping something into my drink

You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished

I come to this café pretty much every day after work and by now you know my order by heart and even wave at me when I come in

I brought you to my friend’s wedding as my plus one and it was really fun and all but now it’s the end of the night and we’re sitting alone together at the reception and all these twinkle lights and flowers everywhere are causing a hell of a lot of romantic tension between us and ohhhhhhhhh

We were the only two to show up to class because it was cancelled but stay inside to finish work and ‘Hey, are you good at math?’

You’re my neighbor who got drunk and thought this was your apartment but I can’t just send you back home when you keep crying and venting about all of these awful things happening to you

I’m always terrified no matter how many times someone draws my blood. And even though you don’t need to be there when the guy comes     in to take it you always stay with me and talk to me to calm me down and     hold my hand

There’s this creepy person asking me out over text and could you pretend to be my significant other?

“How much did you drink?”

I’m a little drunk and I tried to call my ex back and I typed in your number and you had to hear a long emotional rant ohmygod I’m mortified but you left me a really sweet voicemail aw

The coffee machine stopped working and you’re cramming for finals please don’t cry

I accidentally gave you the wrong dosage of your medication and now we’d better get to the hospital before you pass out and possibly die

Lady and the Tramp AU

“The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???”

“It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???” AU.

We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice cream and maybe we should eat it together?

“You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee”

You’re my roommate who’s super cute and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming     increasingly hard for me not to kiss you.

"We work together and I stayed after a couple minutes and I saw you on the intercom pretending you were at the Hollywood Bowl with Beyoncé and not to be weird but you're adorable ??"

“It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single”

“I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad”

“I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile”

“You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer” AU.

“I’m egging a random person’s house to relieve stress and you join me and as it turns out the house belongs to your ex and now they are chasing us as well as the police and now we’re both in jail waiting to be bailed so um you wanna talk about it?”

“I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared” AU.

“I lied and said I could speak a different language to impress my crush but now he wants me to tutor him so I need to become fluent in Mandarin in 3 days HELP”

“I’m taking this Literature class to fill a Gen Ed, and for the love of God I can’t figure out this dumb poem. Here, you’re an English Major, please help me write this stupid paper” au

“I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be”

“I think I picked up your coffee by mistake”

“I want my best friend back”

“I’ll be right over”

“I’m so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend.”

“Is there a special reason why you’re wearing my shirt?”

“It’s okay to cry”

“Look at me--just breathe okay?”

“She’s been missing since Friday and you’re not worried?” 

“We have to pretend that we’re married.”

“Why can’t they see that they’re meant for each other?” 

“You did all this for me?”

“You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” 

“You’ve only heard his side of the story. You never asked mine.”

While closing up Character A finds that they’re completely snowed in and the roads are blocked. Character B--another employee/a regular that stayed late--gets out two mugs and offers to make Character A a cup of hot cocoa while they wait for the snow to clear.

“how much did you drink?”

“You deserve better. It doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better.”

“Please just hold my hand, that person’s basically undressing me with their eyes.”

Teacher from one department falls in love with teacher from another department AU

You found me singing a sad song on the fire escape a floor below you and you came down to ask me if something was wrong and I broke down and told you everything while you awkwardly sat there patting my head while I wept into your shoulder.

We sit across from each other on the train/tube everyday and I’m not sure how but we’ve ended up with this weird, silent, almost-friendship where we share “wtf” looks when we see another passenger doing something weird or telling a bizarre story and a few times I’ve almost gotten you to break and laugh out loud, but today you’re sitting with someone and I think they must be your partner because they are really in your space, but you shoot me a silent look that clearly screams ‘get this creep away from me’ and I’m all for that. AU

It’s the middle of winter and my heater went out and you let me stay at your place so I don’t freeze to death. God bless you.

Why are you crying in the hallway?? Are you okay?? Let’s go to my place, I have ice cream and Netflix.

I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying. 

I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you AU

“I don’t get sick”

“It’s not fun anymore, I’m dizzy...”

“We need to get this fever down”

“If you don’t stop soon, we’re going to the ER.”

You didn’t get a blanket on this flight so I figured we could share mine. You look cold okay? NO I AM NOT BLUSHING

You walked into the student lounge on our dorm floor and saw me cry-studying and walked out and now you’re back with coffee and a bag of chips and I’m seriously debating proposing to you with my ring pop

I kept getting harassed by some creepy person as I was trying to study and they’re not picking up on my ‘fuck off’ vibes and I started to actually get scared and then you put a coffee in front of my face and called me babe and scared them away thank you please let me buy you a new one on me oh you have a really cute smile when you’re shy

So I heard you get into this huge fight with someone and I know we’ve only exchanged genial smiles but I just wanted to check that you’re okay AU

You’re my adorably shy and awkward assistant who cares way too much about my love life and at a dance party you tell me to dance with the most attractive person in the room last so you can set up a date with them for me and when everyone’s gone I ask you to dance with me because you’re the prettiest person here to me duh AU

Your girlfriend decided to kick you out at 3 AM and I tripped over your boxes of shit in the hallways in my drunken trip to my apartment now I’m half passed out in a pile of your clothes AU

You asked who I had a crush on and so I described you to a tee but apparently you’re the most oblivious person in the world because you got kinda sad and nodded and HOW DO YOU NOT GET THIS AU

So your TV is facing the window and you’ve been watching Say Yes to the Dress for three days straight I just want to make sure you’re okay AU

You don’t eat nearly enough food and so I’ve gotten in the habit of making you lunches and bringing you deserts to make sure you don’t starve

My cereal is always on the bottom shelf but today they changed the layout so it’s on the top and I can’t reach it AND I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR HELP YOU GIANT AU

You are stupidly tall and you sit in front of me in class and I can’t see anything so I despise you with all of my soul AU

You are fiery and outspoken but you are so short that nobody pays any mind and I am so tall and have a huge crush on you so I just sort of follow you around making people listen to you AU

Person A getting startled by the New Years fireworks--not being fond of loud noises. Person B pulls them in for a deep kiss, completely distracting them from the exploding lights filling up the night sky

I was really drunk and you walked me safely back to my dorm room

My roommate brought you back to our apartment because apparently you got really drunk last night and needed someone to keep you safe and now you’re hungover and making pancakes and wow you’re cuTE

My ex runs one of the rides and I want to RUB IT IN THEIR FACE hold my hand and by the way when the camera takes a pic imma lean over and kiss you okay AU

[poopoet]

11.19.22

warning: sad post so future sena, skip if u dont wanna read sad shit

reasons i watch porn:

- it’s like watching a movie and i cum at the end

- a MOVIE meaning fake stuff and scenarios that will never happen in real life

- i like listening to dirty talk, makes me feel praised :_)

- i low key have the desire to become a porn star so i live through them (not emotionally attached) :_) i seriously have some validation and attention seeking issues

NOT reasons i watch porn:

- it’s not a replacement for my relationship, doesn’t give me love or companionship

- it’s just an aid to masturbation, i’d rather have sex with my bf

- i’d rather have sex with my bf versus have sex with porn stars (they’re fake and just an aid and default to getting off since i was a teenager)

- having sex w my bf is way better than getting off to porn

- even if i don’t have sex with my bf as often especially these past couple months, it doesn’t mean i’d rather just watch porn... i would still rather have sex with him and have that experience and connection. 

- sometimes i like watching amateur porn cuz it’s not as produced and yes it looks more “real,” but that doesn’t mean i would rather fuck the person on screen than my bf. it’s just another type of movie genre but it means NOTHING. just ooga booga i wanna get off so imma trigger my mirror brain neurons to get me there.

- me watching different types of porn is just satisfying my aquarius mars and pisces venus’s imaginative kink, but it is totally emotionless and SEPARATE from all my other real life relationships. no overlap whatsoever.

- PORN IS JUST AN AID FOR A STUPID HUMAN HIT OF ENDORPHINS FOR WHEN HE’S NOT AROUND

and these should be the same reasons why my bf watches porn. dark thoughts of inadequacy are haunting me saying that he’d rather have sex with latina porn stars and he likes watching amateur porn bc it feels more real bc he likes having real sex with THEM and not ME. 

fuck im crying again

honestly this is probably just me being triggered by my past with ian. he used to make me watch porn with him and i didnt know what to do or say. i just wanted to be with him, and watching him get physically turned on by a screen was one of the things he wanted to share with me. i was kinky and into exploring different stuff, but at the same time i think that was supposed to be only with me alone. watching and discovering porn shouldn’t be shared with someone i was starting to like and develop feelings for. it really skewed my perception and probably made my praise/validation kink into overdrive. whatever, here we are.

it shouldn’t be this way bc i watch porn to get off, which is the same reasons my bf watches porn to get off. it’s just an aid to a stupid human endorphin hit that doesn’t mean anything... if porn is meaningless to me, it’s meaningless to him. idk why my brain can’t mix in these two thoughts right now...

he left to nepal today as well and i am having a hard time right now. feelings of inadequacy. it’s not helping, this whole interview season and the uncertainty of where i will end up and the fear of him leaving me bc i dont end up in nyc.

i won’t see him for 5 weeks... and my past relationships have made me feel like every time he leaves for an extended amount of time, when he comes back he will break up with me cuz he doesn’t love me anymore or he found someone else. i mean, if that’s what ends up happening so be it, i’ve gone through it before right

trying to be on a more positive note, i think it’s good to have space. i told him that yesterday and he said he thinks we have more than enough space already and that he’s gonna miss me a lot. i guess im trying to suppress strong feelings bc i dont wanna think of that and i dont wanna feel that but i really do :(

and i reminded him yesterday that in my first year of med school i was so distraught for not seeing him for 3 days and he used to tell me i never gave him enough time to miss me. so that’s what im doing now, giving him time to miss me. but yesterday he said that was when we were seeing each other all the time and now we dont and he will miss me even more

it’s good to have space bc i’ve been with him for the past month. i need more things to talk about and other experiences to be had without him, without his influence and opinions ringing all in my head. maybe the old me is mourning for the time i need to be glued to him, but the new me needs this breath of fresh air. i love him, i really do, but i do need a break from time to time. and this will be good for me

one of the manifestation methods i used to use is to be grateful for whatever im in bc soon i wont be having those anymore. i should be grateful for being single cuz i wont be in the next relationship for years or forever to come. i should be grateful for being in FW bc i wont be living there anymore soon. same with dallas cuz i will be in nyc in less than a year.

i should be grateful for this opportunity to have space from him cuz soon we will be together like every day. luckily i will be in residency so i have another life, but it’s true i will be living with him every single day.

same with sela, i should be grateful for this opportunity to grow myself without her being my crutch because once we get into residency we will be seeing each other like all the time. learning how to serve myself emotionally has been difficult, but important for my self journey. 

sena, it’s easy to feel inadequate especially with this whole porn ordeal. but he loves you and chooses to be with you for so long. i wanted words of affirmation and he told me he will miss me so much. i wanted physical touch and he cuddled me all day yesterday, expressing how much he will miss cuddling with me. he even told me i looked hot in my bra and how pretty i was with my makeup on and how i should wear that bra next time we fuck cuz i look hot. i’m a catch and he knows it and every guy would also want what he has (me) (also this is me validating myself cuz i want to feel fuckin wanted by men)

any man i want and think is attractive will hands down want to fuck (RAVISH) me rather than watch porn. that includes my bf. duh. it’s common sense and universally known.

baby sena, it’s hard to believe that i know, but it’s true. i know it’s more comfortable to fall back in a hole of self pity like you used to do when boys treated you bad. but that hole and the nasty things it said is just not real and it never was. 

weird personalized validation time: if i wanted to do porn, i very well could and i would be booked until the end of time. me, with my pretty pretty face and my amazing hot body and my charismatic and sexy personality. bro, it’s good i don’t do porn cuz i would fucking break the internet and i would instantly regret it bc all the people i’ve ever known will see my pussy getting railed by hot guys. so my bf is super lucky to be dating a future doctor who actually had the potential to be a famous porn star. he’s dating me, the whole perfect package, who honestly any guy would be lucky to have.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it��s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[kpurereactions]

Studio

Smut Week: Day 7 | Kim Namjoon

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader 

W/C: 2374

A/N: Sorry for such a shitty end to Smut week, things on my end of things are starting to get really hectic and I know this isn't the best thing I've ever written but just know given everything going on its the best I could do. 

Love you all, K xx

Life as a couple with Namjoon was still very new to you. You had only been dating for a few months and although you two were basically living with one another you were definitely still trying to figure one another out. You were on practically the same schedule as him so when you weren't working the two of you were always able to meet up. Sex was fairly new to the two of you too, You didnt want to rush things so for the first 6 weeks of your relationship you two only really stuck to heavy petting. Well only some heavy petting.

At first having sex with Namjoon was intimidating. He was this big Idol that so many people talked about in more ways that one, and that made knowing him intimately scary. You still remember the first time you had sex with him like it was yesterday though. You had told him the morning of that you wanted to take your relationship to the next level and he had no complaints about that. He made sure he got to your apartment before you did and set the table for the food that he lied about making, though the lie only lasted a few minutes since he's a terrible liar. He didnt rush you into anything but he showed you just how much he wanted you with every kiss and every touch. You remember that night like it was yesterday.

Though sex became a regular thing between the two of you certain things he didnt pressure. It took you two weeks after first having sex for you to let him switch up the positions on you and another two after that for you to give him a blowjob, which in his opinion was definitely worth the wait. Every time you'd let him do something else to you you could feel yourself getting closer and closer with him, so you like to have the mile stones. It made things more intimate and  that was something that was important to you. You found yourself getting hornier easier. Sometimes all he had to do was look at you and you would just melt, always either having to pull him in or excuse yourself to the bathroom.

You had gotten off of work earlier that usual, it was your bosses birthday or something so he let everyone go well before the work day was supposed to end. You called Namjoon, thanking your lucky starts he answered, excited to see your name pop up on his phone.

'Hey babe, I got out early and I'm heading to get some food do you want me to bring you something?' You asked as you pushed opened the door to the building you worked in.

'Oh that would be amazing! You know were I'm thinking and what I'm thinking about, were going to pretend you surprised me though so your not stuck buying food for everyone.' He said in a really soft whisper.

'Thats so mean, then its going to look like I wasn't thinking about the others.' You said chuckling as you started your walk to his favorite takeout place.

'Good, you need to be ignoring them. Only focus on me.' He said making you chuckle again.

'Im going to get enough food for everyone, why are you so mean to them.' You said making him chuckle.

'Y/n is getting food and bringing it! Im not mean to them, I just don't like sharing.' He said calling to the others and then speaking only to you again.

'You will have your own food Joonie, they all can share the rest.' You said opening the door to the take out place.

'Im talking about you, I don't like sharing you.'

'Then you and I can give them their food and then go to your studio and eat together.' You said smiling, the thought of being alone with Namjoon in his studio making you tingle since doing it there was something he had told you he wanted to do.

He agreed excitedly and then hung up so you could order. You moved as fast as you could after getting the food, you were lucky your work, his favorite restaurant and his work were all within four blocks of one another so the walk didnt take too long. Once you were in the dance studio with the boys Yoongi waited for the others who danced around you to collect all their food before he took the bag from you in one hand and yours in his other and walked you out of the room.

You loved the scent of his studio, it smelt like his usual soft smell but intensified by 20. You took your usual spot on the couch as he put the food on the table, took his own, and sat back in his desk chair. The two of you ate with the conversations of your day. You told him how you were making great progress on the project your boss ad given you as a challenge and told you that he finally nailed the dance steps he had been worrying about for the past two weeks. You were proud of him and made sure to tell him that making him smile and look down at his next to empty container.

After the food was eaten and left overs were placed in his small mini fridge you stood, kissing his cheek slightly before reaching for your jacket to leave.

'I have some work I have to finish so ill see you at home?' You asked placing your hands on his knees as he turned his chair to watch you.

'Why don't you just work here? I can move some of the things on the other desk or you can use the coffee table?' He asked reaching out for your wrist.

'Okay but you can't distract me.' You said making him laugh and pull your arm slightly so you could lay a kiss on him.

An hour had passed since you cleared off his coffee table where you sat criss crossed on the floor with a blanket over your lap and his music softly playing in the background. Your eyes would scan over the array of papers that laid out in front of you and then over to your computer and then back to the papers. But as much as you wanted to pretend work was coming easy to you all you could truly focus on was Namjoon's profile as his tongue grazed his bottom lip, a habit he had picked up from watching you work. You cleared your voice and shook your head as you reached for a different document. At one point Hoseok walked in to ask Namjoon a question but ended up just mocking you two for being couple goals.

Around 11 you threw your pen on the table, not caring where it bounced and groaned. You were getting no where and with Namjoon sitting over there licking his lip was doing nothing but frustrate you even more, although this time if was in a different way. You closed your eyes and put your hands over your face. He looked up and over to you, smiling at how cute you were when frustrated.

'Whats wrong?' He said standing up and coming to sit over by you, his long legs pushing the table back a little with his long legs. You groaned telling him you were having troubles focusing. 'Well I'm pretty much done, do you want help?'

You sat forward and started to push your papers to one side so you could sit on the table in front go him. Once you had a clear enough space you moved to sit on the table and hook your arms around his neck. You smiled as his hands started to rub against your knees. \

'Im over doing work.' You started, biting you lip slightly knowing perfectly well you were about to wreck him. 'I'd rather be doing you.'

His eyes widened and he slowly let a smile creep onto his face before he was kneeling up to wedge his body between your legs so he could kiss you. His hands took ahold of the backs of your knees so he could turn you. He pushed you back so your laid the length of the table. Since his lips had left yours you chuckled as he kissed up your thighs, pushing your shirt up as he went. You bit your lip as your body started to heat up, his lips moving closer to your core making you squirm. Your hand found his hair and started to tug slightly, you weren't ready for him to be that close with his face.

But hearing him groan at your tug and feeling his voice ring through the sensitive skin of your inner thigh it made you think different. Why not let him if that was what he wanted to do? You Bit your lip and prepared yourself with words to encourage him.

'Namjoon please.' You breathed pushing his head towards your core. He chuckled and looked up to you.

'What do you want me to do baby?' He asked dark.

'I want you to taste me.' You said looking straight at the ceiling so try and hide your blushing.

He chuckled again and returned his lips to the inside of your thigh. He pushed his body up along with his lips and your skirt. When finally hovering above your core he looked up to see you looking down at him. The feeling of his sweet hot breath made your skin crawl with pleasure.

'Ive wanted to do this for so long now.' He whispered lowering his lips slowly till he was kissing your already sopping core through the thin lace of your panties. You gasped and bit your lip as his tongue started to massage against the lace.

His teeth nipped at the lace and let in snap against you  slightly askew, the sudden feeling making you flinch and squeeze tighter to his hair. He licked again, the feeling of having half his tongue on you and the other half pressing against the lace making you moan quietly. The feeling of having you hot and squirming against him made  him groan in pleasure as his arms wrapped around your lowered half to keep you in place. From that position his hands gripped tightly to the hips of your panties. With his tongue pulsating and teasing through your underwear you couldn't help but groan when he stopped. You sat up slightly to protest when he looked up at you with sorry eyes.

'Whoops...' He said showing the ripped lace with a wicked grin.

'Namjoon seriously?' You asked leaning back and covering your face.

You heard him chuckle again but before you could look at him he was pressing his tongue flat against you and rolling it. He groaned as he tasted you fully and with no hesitation he began to move his jaw, teasing your core as a fast rate. The sudden friction made your body lurch and your hand clench to his hair tighter, Your other hand reaching above you and accidentally knocking everything off of the table. He held you closer than before as he started to play with you individually. His tong moved to flick against your clit before it moved back down to push his tongue in and out of you after switching between the two for a minute he clamped down on you and started to suck and twirl his tongue feverishly.

You let out a shaky breath you hadn't realized you had been holding that had been a companied by a gasp and your body slightly sitting up. He sucked and licked harder against you his hands reaching up and pressing your body back down. His tongue started to lap quickly as your body began to tingle. You moaned breathlessly and tried to say his name but all that came out was a slight stutter. He caught on to your building orgasm and moved to stimulate your clit before adding a finger into you, curling it to press accurately against your g-spot. You screamed slightly and your back arched again before laying flat against the table again.

The sound of you letting out sweet shorts grunts made him move his finger and jaw quickly. You let out a loud moan at the change of pace, your back arching again and your body is starting to shake as he pushed you closer to your orgasm. His hand gripped tighter to your thigh as your voice grew louder. You moaned a string of his name in short desperate moans until you where squealing though your orgasm, your back arching fully and your hands clenching to his hair as your body began to release. He groaned into you as you came around his mouth, the feeling of the vibrations from his voice shaking your body even harder.

As you came down from your high Namjoon pressed his lips against your thighs and the lower half of your stomach. You could feel him smiling against your skin, your hands finally loosening their grip. He moved up your body to look at you, laughing slightly at your flushed face. You pulled him down to kiss you, this being the best way you could think of to thank him for that.

'Who knew you secretly a screamer.' He chuckled helping you sit up on the coffee table. You looked around and covered your face at the mess of papers you had made. 'Do you think anyone heard you?' He added making your eyes widen and you cheeks turn very red.

Instantly the door opened and a grumpy Yoongi stood there looking at the mess that was made.

'Yes. Yes we did hear you.' He said. Although there was a grumpy tone to his voice you both could tell he was holding back a laugh.

You looked at Namjoon who dipped his head and laughed, Yoongi walking in fully. The two of you watched as he went to grab something off of Namjoon's desk, your heart still fluttering before it fully dropped. His eyes caught something and then took a double take of it making your eyes follow where he was looking. A smile broke to his lips as he bent to pick up the torn lacy panties that had fallen to the side.

'Well... why aren't I surprised?' He said making you burry your head in  Namjoons shoulder as he laughed and wrapped his arms around you.

[thatchoiboy]

Butterflies | 2jae

📝 summary : Youngjae can never get tired of Jaebum’s lies. Even if he has to suffer the consequences.

📝 pairing : Jaebum, Youngjae (GOT7)

📝 genre : angst

📝 word count : 2.2k

📝 note : i started this 2 months ago and i finished it today and its not the best but enjoy (happy ending i swear) its kind of a mess but i’m sleepy so idk :) goodnight 🌟

Youngjae curled up on the left side of his and Jaebum's once shared bed. The older had gone home reeking of alcohol with his lips visibly chapped. After being together for almost three years, Jaebum started sleeping around with other people, suddenly claiming that a guy like him can't be tied down. Youngjae's heart ache as he watch his 'boyfriend' flop down on the couch, covering his eyes with his right arm and snoozing off. He knew the older was drunk and didn't know what he was saying. Now Youngjae was lying down alone, the right side of the bed never felt so cold.

The few months of fooling around, Jaebum still slept beside him, hugging him tightly and easing the younger's ache. But tonight was different. He sobbed quietly as he hugged a framed picture of them on Han River. On the picture was a couple wearing matching outfits, the taller was bending down to kiss the shorter. It was supposed to be a normal picture of them smiling at the camera but Jaebum had other plans. That's what made the picture so special.

No matter how many times Jaebum comes home, faint hickeys all over his neck. Youngjae never has the heart to get mad at him. He believed that it was just a phase and his boyfriend will get over it soon. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turns into months. It was always the same routine. Youngjae leaving for work early in the morning, he gets home greeted by silence. Jaebum enters the house past midnight, drunk. Youngjae crying himself to sleep. Jaebum would apologize the next day, whispering sweet lies while spooning his otter, making Youngjae's heart flutter. The older didn't know that Youngjae knew about his 'little' flings. He didn't know how much he was hurting the younger's heart.

Because in the end, Youngjae would trust the butterflies in his heart over and over again, fooling him every time.

"You have to talk to him about this, you know that right?" Youngjae was in his friend's house. Jinyoung. Every problem the younger has, he would always go to Jinyoung. He knew he could trust him. "I know- but I'll just give h-" Youngjae was startled when Jinyoung harshly put his cup down, giving Youngjae a look. "What? Give him more time? Youngjae it has been almost 2 months! You can't just let this continue!" Jinyoung regretted raising his voice the moment Youngjae had his head down. "Fuck- Youngjae, I'm-"

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you know how mad I am? I wish I could Jinyoung.. but I can't! I love him- I don't want to.." Youngjae sobbed into his palms. Jinyoung looked at his friend, he considered him as his little brother since they've known each other since they were in middle school. It broke his heart that someone like Youngjae had to suffer like this. He hopped off his chair and embraced the younger. "J-jinyoung.." Youngjae sounded so crushed. "Shh.. it'll be okay. You'll be okay." He stroked Youngjae's hair, whispering sweet little nonsense, trying to calm the broken boy.

It didn't seem to work when Youngjae sobbed harder into his neck. "J-jinyoung.. it h-hurts so much.." Seeing the younger pour his heart out had Jinyoung in tears too. Youngjae didn't deserve any of this. He wants to kill Jaebum for ever hurting a guy like Youngjae. "W-was I not enough for h-him? Do I have to change myself for everything to go back to normal?" The older forced Youngjae to look at him and shook his head while wiping the younger's tears, "Oh Youngjae.. you're perfect. God. You are absolutely a great person. You don't need to change yourself. Jaebum is not worthy to receive your love if he doesn't love you for being yourself. Y-you deserve so much better."

"But- if I'm not the problem, then why did everything we had changed? W-why.. why doesn't he love me anymore? Why does he sleep around and come home drunk?" Jinyoung just held Youngjae in a tighter grip as he didn't know the answer himself. All he knows that he and Jaebum are going to have a very serious conversation about this. "Youngjae, sweetie, you want to take a rest in my room? I just have a business to take care of." The otter nodded and let Jinyoung pull him into his bedroom and tucked him in. "I'll be back soon." He said, kissing Youngjae's forehead.

Jinyoung closed the door and rest his head on the wood. He could still hear little cries coming from the bedroom. He wiped his tears and anger washed over him. Jaebum was going to have a little piece of his mind.

Jaebum was home early for the first time. Staring blankly ahead of him. He didn't flinch, not one bit as the front door was slammed opened. "Im Jaebum explain yourself right now!" He was a tad surprised to see Jinyoung so angry. "Well if it isn't 'Jinyoungie'." Jaebum slurred, picking up a random can of beer on his lap. "What's up?" Jinyoung glared at the drunkard. "What's wrong with you? Don't you know you're hurting Youngjae? I didn't expect you to become like this, Im." He watched as Jaebum finish the can and crushed it. "Its not your business. What we had was a mistake." Jaebum said while staring right into Jinyoung's orbs. "You bastard!" Jinyoung yelled, throwing a punch on Jaebum's nose, causing him to stumble and fall from the couch. Jinyoung sat on his chest and slapped him on both cheeks repeatedly. "How could you do this?! Especially to Youngjae! He's been nothing but loyal to you while you whore around and be this drunkard that doesn't know what he's doing! If I were Youngjae I would've broken up with you and leave you foreve-r." Jinyoung said as his tears landed on Jaebum's face. "If you're going to continue to act like this, stop telling him more lies. Please." Jinyoung sobbed as he got off Jaebum and ran to the door, slamming it shut.

As soon as Jinyoung got home, he quietly knocked on his bedroom door, whispering. "Youngjae?" Receiving no response, Jinyoung took it as clear and slowly turned the knob. He saw Youngjae sleeping, dried tears covered his face and soaked the pillow. Jinyoung sat on the other side of the bed, caressing his friend's hair. He remembers the day Jaebum first asked Youngjae out.

Jinyoung was reading his newly bought book when his phone rang loudly, the sound echoing throughout the quiet apartment. He placed a bookmark on the page he was currently on and answered the phone. "Jinyoung! You won't believe what happened today!" Jinyoung had to pull the phone away from his ear as his friend had the ability to deteriorate someone's hearing. "What happened, Jae?" He could hear shuffling from the other line before Youngjae answered. "Jaebum just asked me out. On a date!"

"That's great! How did it happen?" He asked, suddenly interested on his 'baby brother's' love life. Youngjae stuttered for a while and the older knew that he was blushing. "Well- you see- he uhm, he just kind of gave me a teddy bear at work earlier and asked me out to the movies tomorrow.." Jinyoung smiled, he knew how much Jaebum and Youngjae compliment each other. He had thought Jaebum would be a great boyfriend and seemed like a guy who wouldn't hurt Youngjae. "I'm so happy for you! He better treats you well or I'll whoop his ass!" He heard Youngjae chuckle and whine. "He's a great guy, Jinyoungie! Don't worry." Youngjae had to hang up since his break was over. "Okay, get home safely!"

Everything Jinyoung had said about Jaebum in the past, he regrets it. He could've prevented this to happen if he was cautious and didn't trust Jaebum too much. Now look at what happened. Look where it landed Youngjae. He wished he was the one suffering instead of the younger. "I'm so sorry, sweetie." Jinyoung whispered as he settled behind Youngjae and spooned him. He hugged him tighter as soft whimpers escaped Youngjae's mouth. "It's okay- I'm here, I'm right here sunshine." Jinyoung muttered and felt Youngjae relax under his hold. One thing he was sure of ; he was never going to forgive Jaebum.

Lying on the couch, Jaebum's mind was full of confusion, regret, and loneliness. He slowly got up, trying to balance himself as he made his way to his and Youngjae's bedroom. He had expected his boyfriend to be there as always. His dark brown orbs was soon filled with panic as he saw the tidy but empty bed. Before he knew it, his voice cracked as his eyes were filled with tears. Did he want any of this? He let his body fall onto the bed with a soft thud. He looked over beside him, where the younger usually was. If he was there, Jaebum would've hold on and never let him go. What have I done? All he knows is that he fucked up. He fucked up so bad.

He sat up and near the door, a framed pictured was hanged. There he saw a picture of him and Youngjae in their couple shirts. He remembers Youngjae spilling his ice cream all over his own shirt and hugging Jaebum right after. It was a fun memory. He just realized how much pictures they had in their house. Jaebum let out a small smile. Youngjae was a dream come true, why did he ruin everything?

He wasn't trying to intentionally hurt the younger. It just happened. He doesn't remember the last time he was fully sober. It was all so fuzzy, he was sure it was because of stress and anxiety but it was never about getting tired of Youngjae. Jaebum loves Youngjae like how one loves their books. They might get tired of their books, but in the end, they treasure and love it. Jaebum didn't know what came to his mind treating Youngjae like that. The younger will never forgive him. And he knows he deserves it. But he will never give up on him.

Youngjae woke up to an unfamiliar place. He noticed arms wrapped around his waist. “N-nyeongie?” He whispered. Jinyoung stirred and sat up as he saw Youngjae awake. “What’s up Youngjae?” He asked, watching as Youngjae yawn and rub his eyes. It was a cute sight. “Can you take me home?” The younger male breathed out and climbed off the bed. Jinyoung sighed. “Why?” Stopping Youngjae’s tracks. “What’s so special about him?” He asked as Youngjae slowly turned around.

“Because he is my first love, Nyeongie.” The fact that Youngjae was smiling so bright, brighter than the stars at night that broke Jinyoung’s heart in pieces. He doesnt deserve you.

Jinyoung closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “Okay then.” He opens them to see Youngjae rushing to the door mumbling a small ‘thank you.’ Both of them got into Jinyoung’s car and started to drive away. It was silent. Youngjae was looking out the window while Jinyoung was focused on the road.

When he drops of Youngjae, he called him one more time before he gets inside the house. “Call me if something happens okay?” Youngjae nodded at him and waved as he steps into the porch. Once Jinyoung was gone, he nervously grasped the doorknob and twisted it slowly. It wasn’t a surprise when it was unlocked.

He quietly entered the house and closed the door carefully. He turned around and bumped into a sturdy chest. Youngjae blinked and suddenly, he was pinned to the door, strong arms trapping him, not letting him escape.

“J-jaebum?” He whimpers. He looked at his boyfriend and saw dried tears on his cheeks. “I thought you were gone forever.” The older said was he nuzzled his face into the crook of Youngjae’s neck, nipping at the skin lightly. “Please don’t leave me. I love you.” Youngjae froze. It has been so long since he last heard Jaebum’s soft and meaningful words. He stared at the older who looked vulnerable. How could I ever leave him?

Youngjae felt the weight on his wrist loosen and saw Jaebum looking at him with the same soft glint in his eyes. He slowly raised his hand to pet Jaebum’s hair. “I’ll never leave.” Jaebum then lifts him up, Youngjae wrapping his legs around Jaebum’s waist as the older slammed him against the wall, Youngjae groaning in pain. Jaebum kisses him with desperation and tenderness.

“I love you so fucking much Jae. I’m sorry for the shit I’ve put you through.” Jaebum navigates them to their room and flops Youngjae onto the bed and crawled towards him. “I know you can never forgive me but please, I don’t think I can live without you.” He stared at Youngjae’s eyes and took his boyfriend’s bottom lip in between his and slowly explored his mouth. Youngjae’s fingers finds its way to Jaebum’s hair and tugs on him.

Youngjae likes the way Jaebum kisses him hard but yet it feels so gentle. He likes the way Jaebum man handles him but makes him feel like he’s the most wonderful person in the whole world. And he likes the way Jaebum makes him feel loved.

Correction.

He doesn’t like it. He loves it.

Jaebum may continue to constantly hurt him and lie to him. But he has a feeling he won’t. In the end, he’ll always trust the butterflies in his heart. Even if it fools him everytime.

Jaebum loves Youngjae and Youngjae loves Jaebum.

Even the laws of gravity can’t- never break them apart.

[uniformbravo]

time for... a story

back in 9th grade art class i had this painting assignment & i decided to do fanart for a fic i was obsessed w/ at the time and this painting was coming out so good i was literally so proud of it, i didn’t finish it in time for the due date but i took it home to finish it on my own bc i just loved it that much

my room was incredibly messy at the time, i would have these giant piles of papers & notebooks n shit all over my bed and the floor surrounding, and that’s where this painting went. which was completely fine with me because i’m an “organized mess” kind of person (i literally still remember years later exactly where the painting was in that particular mess) but my mom is distinctly the opposite so she made me clean the whole disaster eventually, and i somehow lost track of the painting

several months and multiple fruitless searches later i resigned myself to the fact that i’d probably accidentally thrown it out in my big cleanup and would never see it again (though i was still intensely confused about how i managed to lose it because i literally just had no memory of moving it, it just. straight up disappeared)

years have passed since then and every now and again i remember that painting and feel regretfully wistful (and still very confused) and wonder what happened to it and wish i could see it just one more time, because at this point i only really have a vague recollection of what was on it- a composition divided into quadrants illustrating different parts of the fic i was basing it on, a torn piece of lined paper in the center (because the fic’s title was “lined paper”), and in the top right corner this tree that i was super proud of, i remember thinking it was the best tree i’d drawn in my entire life

so honestly whenever i remember this painting i mostly think of that tree and my strong feelings towards it and that’s the main thing i’m curious about, wanting to see that damn tree again to find out what was so special about it, because like. i’m a better artist now, i’ve improved so much, if i saw it again it probably wouldn’t even be that good, right? but i think this tree in particular was the first one that i was like “hell yeah” about and influenced the way i’ve drawn trees ever since then, so like it’s a big deal right. i really miss this tree

the last time i thought about it (before right now, i mean) was actually earlier this week, on my way home from my painting class? usually painting in general reminds me of this painting because the last time i actually painted with, like, acrylics was in high school for this class, so i just have that strong association built in, so when i think of painting i think of the painting so i was thinking about that on my way home from class and feeling the regret that comes with it like man if only i could just see it again, what even happened to it, etc. etc.

anyway, my sister is working on a drawing right now, she says she suddenly got struck with inspiration and wants to hold onto it for as long as possible to finish this piece she’s working on (which is honestly very pretty, it’s a sunset scene and the colors are so soft and vibrant)

she started it the other day, and she wanted to work with colored pencils, but she couldn’t find the big box of colored pencils that we keep around for people to use, so instead she went and got out this, like... one of those big ol’ art boxes that have a myriad of random supplies like colored pencils & oil pastels & shit like that?? we’ve had this one literally forever and it’s just kind of been sitting around for most of that time, but it’s finally gotten some use because our colored pencil shoebox happens to be mia atm

this morning i noticed a notebook on the floor by the couch (my sister’s workspace) with some, like, papers sticking out? and on top of the notebook is some mail addressed to my sister, and i don’t recognize this sketchbook at all, so obviously it’s hers. from what i’ve seen in the past, her art style is is pretty... eccentric? is that the right word? lemme google this

ok that sounds meaner than i meant ghhdg uhh idk, the best way i can think of to explain it is that her people look like they’d work really well as illustrations for scary stories? there’s something almost creepy or unsettling about them, but in a good way, like i’m pretty sure she’s doing it on purpose

anyway, i bring it up because there’s this drawing sticking out of the notebook and it looks like her style because there’s this creepy-lookin dude that totally matches her types of drawings so im like “cool” and go back to what im doing

then, later, i happen to look at it again, and fuckin..... it’s the top of the page that’s sticking out. and there’s this..... tree. in the top right corner. and im like

Huh

so i pull out the drawing, which actually turns out to be a half-finished painting, and sure e-fuckin-nough it is The painting

needless to say i was losing my shit on this fine sunday morning like goddamn i haven’t seen this thing in like 7 years i thought it was gone forever and that i’d never see it again i mourned this painting so many times and here it is, literally holding it in my hands, back from the fucking dead like a zombie (which is thematically appropriate because “lined paper” was a horror story)

like, that’s why i thought it was my sister’s drawing? because it was creepy-lookin? i didn’t even recognize my own style smh. on the back there’s a little color key and i had forgotten about this but the reason it was divided into four sections was because the assignment was color harmonies! we were supposed to paint a single image but in each quadrant use different colors for different harmonies, like complementary, triadic, cool, and some other shit that im too lazy to look at but u get the picture

so after i got over being reunited with my fuckin long-lost painting i had to wonder why my sister had it, right. back in the day she used to steal our stuff, like all the time? she doesn’t do it anymore so we’re cool lol dw but like since this was so long ago i wondered if maybe she had taken it back then & just forgotten about it?

so i asked her abt it when she got home (i had to wait a few hours but honestly?? whats a few hours to several years) and she said the notebook was fuckin.... in the art box. just like. in there. this entire time it was in this goddamn shitty art supply box that nobody ever uses bc we have better art supplies around and the only reason it got pulled out of its cobweb-ridden corner of the house was because said superior art supplies were missing. so if my sister had been able to find the colored pencils i never would have found this fucking painting, we probably would have just eventually donated the box w/o checking inside & someone somewhere out there would’ve gotten this extra half-finished creepy fuckin painting w/ my name written in huge letters across the back in their new box of art supplies oh god

anyway i wasn’t gonna do this but i’d feel bad if i didn’t include a picture of the damn thing at this point so here it is

warnings for blood, gore, implied suicide imagery, & general spooky horror story type stuff

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

i drew this 7 yrs ago dont judge ok

the fic itself has long since been deleted from ffn (rip) but from what i remember: it was a south park fic & focused on slenderman? i was completely new to horror & had never heard of slenderman before so the story rly spooked me lol he would like show up through any reflective surface so i was scared of mirrors for a while

i wish i could remember the significance of all the shit i included here lol i mean we got slendy in there a couple times, that much is obvious... i don’t even know what the tree is supposed to mean it’s just some random tree at this point

im p sure that’s stan & kyle in the bottom right, and that’s probably stan again in the top left? he’s like bleeding kenny’s initials tho idk why that’s happening (those are kenny’s initials right. kenneth james or smth). that’s gotta be tweek in the mirror at top middle just look at his shirt, and as for bottom left uhhh i think that’s craig?? i actually specifically remember that chapter, something about a baseball game & craig was pissed off and went off to the bathroom alone & then black tentacles happened, so that’s what’s happening in the drawing

anyway. aaanyway. that’s a fuckin mystery solved now, right. i cant believe it was in that dumbass case the whole time i stg??? thank u for listening 2 my story i spent too long on it & now it’s 2:45 am bye