#but even when i go home to visit

[endykelopaedia]

i miss bugs so bad. its mid april and there's hardly been a buzz in the air. how long has it been since ive seen a ladybug hobbling on a blade of grass. what about butterflies dancing from flower to flower or hoverflies zipping from bud to bud. my lights are on at night and yet my windows are noticably unharrassed by moths & other nightly bugs. where are millipedes. where are pondskaters. where are the spiders suspended on the sideview mirrors of cars. hell, even regular old flies. bees. wasps. ants. i see so few of them now. this is such a weird thing to see happen in my lifetime. i really miss just seeing bugs around.

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

POV you’ve informed the Queen and the Court’s Sorcerer of something and they very clearly know something that they’re not letting on

[wanderingblindly]

Looking like yet another year where I’ll be the one flying home and no one will be coming other to see me; October birds Oscar Piastri you continue to be such a blatant self insert

[loverboybrightsideghost]

one of my favorite clark headcanons that i have (that is completely unsupported by canon) is that he's transgender by kryptonian standards. martha and jon kent raised him as a boy and as he grew up he never had any reason to doubt it at all, he was like yeah i'm a boy, makes sense. and then he gets to the fortress of solitude for the first time and it turns out how Gender works on krypton was just Different enough that clark doesn't really fit the kryptonian standards of whatever he was supposed to be. bonus points because this makes him feel like even more of an outsider as a kryptonian, even if he's the last one left.

[sidereon-spaceace]

torn between wanting to make all my ocs Specialest Little Guys and overpowered VS. the fact I just finished watching all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings and am deeply moved by the struggles and worth of the common man

[checkadii]

mfs do anything but finish their wips . like startign another, for example

[hellohellowelcome]

horikoshi take all of ochako's pain and give it to hisashi midoriya

[daily-hanamura]

[perilegs]

my sweet little baby man is no longer with us

[i-like-turkey]

I saw your Bluesky account was no longer active. I had also noticed you hadn’t posted since thanksgiving. I hope you’re ok and Pupperoni is also doing ok. Holidays can be brutal. Please know you are valued. And you are important.

Thanks for checking in on me!

Short answer: My pup is doing great. I’m not. But I’m alive and fully intend to stay that way.

Long answer: 2024 is officially in the running for the worst year of my life. It started with two massive losses in February and then another one in early May. I dealt with my dog grief by going out and getting a puppy. She is the only reason I got through those early days cause instead of not sleeping cause I’m bawling my eyes out, I was not sleeping cause I was getting up multiple times to take her potty. And then during the day I was too busy chasing her around to feel much of anything.

But then May hit and her behavior started changing. Instead of my biggest worries being a noise complaint cause she’d bark herself to sleep in her crate, it was can I get her out of my apartment without her biting my arms down to the bone and ripping my clothes to shreds and accidentally strangling me with the strap to her treat bag?

So this last summer was fucking hell. I tweeted a bit about it, but y’all don’t know half the story. Imagine being ten minutes from your car and your dog is so scared that she’s lost her fucking mind and the only thing she can do at that moment is attack YOU. She doesn’t care about sticks or treats or sniffing grass or anything else. All she wants is to bite YOU. And now you've gotta figure out how to get her back to your car without losing a finger or having someone call animal services on you.

I was bleeding daily and sleeping maybe 3-4 hours a night even though my pup was finally sleeping through the night cause I was stressed and cause was on a mission for answers. I was constantly Googling dog training and behavior and getting tips and seeing horror stories about dogs that had to get put down because they were acting like my pup. And that thought was killing me cause I couldn’t fathom losing another dog so soon after I said goodbye to my first baby.

So I wasn’t myself this summer. I was quick to anger and couldn’t think rationally and more stressed out than I’d ever been at any point in my life, law school included. Those days are now just a blur of horribleness and I’m glad that we got my pup’s medication figured out and that we're through them.

But getting through them has brought clarity and time and the mental state to actually deal with my grief and process all of the other things that I’ve lost throughout the year. I used the analogy for grief last chapter of a semi-truck of elephants strapped to Kate’s back. That’s appropriate for me here especially in December, but Kate’s swiss cheese analogy actually fits my situation better. I’m full of holes. I’ve lost big, massive chunks of my life and they aren’t coming back and there's no replacement for them. I’m empty and I’m lonely and I need to get my shit together because I can’t keep going on like this.

And that means I need to leave fandom. I’ve tried to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is ok, but I can’t do that anymore. Opening social media is just a reminder of the past and what’s gone and what’s not coming back and how sad and lonely I am. So it’s time to go. I deactivated bluesky. I haven’t opened IG in ages. Idk what I’m gonna do about it yet. I’ll figure it out. I might delete or I just might let it be a zombie account. My twitter accounts can live on as zombies. I will keep tumblr because it predated my participation in the Kacy fandom, but I don’t think I will be around much. I need to focus my scant free hours on cultivating real life connections.

[unriding]

EVIE !!!!!

I SAW U USE MY ART AS UR THEME SO I WANNA DO A REMAKE !!! mostly cause the other one was full of mistaks hurrrrr orz

keeping the color palette the same so itd still fit + use softer shading so convey how soft u are + moze is now IN UR HAND !!!! >:3

oh nick :’)

[theloveinc]

has anybody ever thought about an MIA/KIA moment to a coming home scene …

[hecatesbroom]

Blanche's grandma's place is the only place she felt consistently loved in... no I'm fine. I'm fine

[godblooded]

i don’t know how to live in a world without my aunt. i… don’t.

[slippery-minghus]

oof

[elprupneerg]

Had a very odd experience at the eye doctor where everyone was very nice and also they deadnamed me the entire fucking time despite my name being in their systems. So it was just like *smiles sweetly while shoving a knife in my gut and twisting* the whole fucking visit. And I couldn’t tell at first if it was active transphobia or lack of training or what, but I didn’t exactly wanna cause a big scene in front of the whole waiting room (which was open to a massive hallway to the rest of the fucking hospital) and then once I was back in the maze of rooms the optical people have their various machines in I was too disoriented and didn’t know where the nearest exit was (which is very important to me if I’m gonna be correcting potential deliberate transphobia, what with the whole “my actual name is in their fucking charts and it says that I’m genderqueer in the fucking charts” thing)

Very funny thing where at one point the optical tech was measuring the pressure of my eye with a little thing that lightly taps the surface (like the machine that blows air on your eye, but handheld and faster and a bit more accurate) (it sounds scarier than it is, it just feels like something’s tickling your eyelashes). And she had to redo the test 3 times cuz the pressure in my eyes was high. And part of that can be caused by blood pressure being raised due to nerves or holding your breath or all sorts of things. And all I could think was “yeah of course I’m nervous, I’m stuck in a room with someone who’s been calling me the wrong name for the past however long” cuz like. Who wouldn’t be nervous in that case?!

Idk. It’s just a very unfortunate thing where I’m starting to see the effects of having an “inclusion clinic” where the training on queer issues is generally up to date and people know to look at the part of charts that has the preferred name. Cuz now it seems like the hospital is Only doing training on queer stuff with doctors in that clinic, and god help any trans person that needs specialty care from any other part of the hospital system