#but either way PLEASE
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More non binary Theo Raeken content please I’m begging you
#i still don’t understand if it’s a popular hc or not#but either way PLEASE#I need fics when he is nb#give me Malia and Theo bonding over not understanding gender#(obviously Malia is non binary tsk)#he/they Theo or they/them theo idc but please#theo raeken#teen wolf
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I'm sorry for pitting two bad bitches against each other here but I gotta know everyone's thoughts
#Gravity Falls#The Book of Bill#Bill Cipher#Bugs Bunny#Looney Tunes#Poll#It would be a matchup for the ages either way#Please add your thoughts for my enjoyment
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your teeth and your tongue, bright red from tiger's blood
#monkey d luffy#portgas d ace#sabo#asl brothers#one piece#tiger's blood (literal) as their shared blood from growing up surviving the jungle together#but also tiger's blood (the flavor) as a symbol of those shared childhood days and the summertime spirit#and maybe it wasn't easier or better but it was different and you can't get it back and you'll carry it with you always#the lyric is from waxahatchee's tigers blood#which i feel like is about how you hold onto the bonds that you've lost#and they bring you both joy and grief#but you treasure them either way#please give it a listen its so good#anyways i have a lot of feelings abt this piece haha#nagas art
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my predictions for the end of book 7
EDIT: part two here
#please yana let this happen it would be so fucking funny#twst#twst overblot gang#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#leona kingscholar#vil schoenheit#idia shroud#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#riddle rosehearts#I might just write this fanfic anyway if it doesn’t happen#which it probably won’t? the teams pretty good at throwing curveballs at me#either way. just needed this image to exist#how are we feeling about how I did azuls skin?#I wanted it to look more like his merform-the humanization potion can only do so much kinda thing#and MOST of his outfits have him fully covered#so if we ignore his beachwear we can pretend as though this is true
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I've seen a lot of people writing Danny as a space ancient and Dan and Dani as ghosts with moon and sun cores, being sort of parts, versions of Danny and therefore weaker. Now, consider: Dan and Dani are both powerful ghosts with really cool cores and stuff but Danny is just some guy™
Dan, who came from an alternate timeline and is kind of from the future but also not, is Clockwork's apprentice and will eventually become an ancient of time. He probably only agreed to have some lessons with Clockwork to understand better what happened to him, but he enjoys his apprenticeship now.
Dani, with her love of travelling, loves seeing all the different places the world offers to her, and that includes space and different planets and maybe even parallel universes, and she accidentally ends up being an apprentice of the space ancient. For now she's probably a baby ancient of freedom or something like that, but she might become an ancient of space in the future.
We can also have something like Dan having a core of destruction or Dani being the Speed Force if you want it to be dcxdp, or any headcanon of yours about their cool powers.
And then there's Danny. And yeah, everyone knows that he's super powerful, but also he's just some guy.
It can go different routes. Does everyone know that Danny is just Danny? Or do they think that with siblings (well, technically a clone and an alternate version, but whatever) so powerful, he must be even stronger? Is Danny actually something terrifyingly eldritch and ancient and strong, almost a god, but he just doesn't know himself? Or is he just really some guy?
Now, because it's obvious that I have a dcxdp brainrot, have a regular "JL summons/meets a powerful ghost" but its Dan and Dani, and they keep mentioning their original/brother who won a fight against them at some point. The JL is very concerned about Dan and Dani's godlike powers, and they can't imagine what Danny is like. And then they meet him (in his human form), and it's just a young adult in casual clothes, very friendly and helpful, with no evident powers. Imagine the confusion. Imagine Dan and Dani, radiating power, in their eldritch ghost forms, admitting that fighting Danny for real is the dumbest thing to do and not even they would succeed... And then there's Danny is jeans and silly t-shirt, waving shyly.
#DO YOU SEE MY VISION#please#I'm not getting enough sleep#my brain is obsessed with weird stuff#I want Sam who barely looks human because she's one with nature#I want Tucker who looks regal and dangerous in his pharaoh clothes#I want Dan look like he can destruct the Earth with a wave of his hand#I want Dani who is everything there is in the world and you feel it in your bones#I want Jazz who sees your soul and your mind and you know it and there's nowhere to run#I want JL to meet all of them before meeting Danny#I want all of them to admit in their different ways that Danny is the greatest of them#I want JL to be VERY worried about meeting Danny#and then I want Danny to be as normal and friendly as possible#and I want him to treat all those eldritch creatures (his family and friends) as they're regular humans and nothing is weird about them#just hugs and love and praises#because it would cause so much confusion#this is NOT ghost king Danny#unless it is but he doesn't know (and either no one knows or no one told him because it's funnier this way and he's super oblivious)#dpxdc#dcxdp#dp x dc#dc x dp#DPxDC#DCxDP#danny phantom#isn't a crossover if you don't want it to be#could be any crossover if you do want it to be
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obviously.
#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan and phil#phan#mine#my gif#pretend these aren't on speed please#it was either have them be way too fast or have them be so laggy they look insane
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Rook not beating Teia and Viago's foster child allegations
(source)
#teia also says 'I hear you go by rook these days'#which in my case means she either knows mien from his recruit days or that he trusted her enough to tell her his name#either way it pleases me#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard#andarateia cantori#teia cantori#viago de riva#da rook#de riva#rook de riva#antivan crows#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dav spoilers
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gay cars. gay cars. (original post) (patreon?!)
#car yaoi#or yuri really. either way#my art#lgbtq art#cars#i need to be known as the gay car guy. please.#gaycars
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I have finally finished 2.4 and oh my GOD watching Dan Heng be so protective of his friends nearly killed me, MY HEART.
And yes, the cutscene where he pushes the trailblazer out of the way and even cushions their fall with his own body, but I mean even before that! When he was already trying to protect them and March 7th from Feixiao and Lingsha!!
Because if you watch the dango trio throughout the main quest, you'll notice that they often position themselves in the same way, which is a detail that makes me super happy that Hoyo thought to include- when the three of them aren't evenly spaced, March 7th and the trailblazer tend to gravitate towards each other and stand very close together, frequently side-by-side. And by comparison, Dan Heng usually stands slightly away, and often even slightly behind them, where he can pull on their leashes to wrangle them keep an eye on them.
This is probably a habit learned through experience, since March 7th said during Belobog she is the "queen of unannounced disappearances" fjdksajfkldjsak
And of course at least a little bit of it is just done for like, aesthetic purposes. It's a video game. Things have to look nice for the player. The trailblazer and Dan Heng are the same height, March 7th is a bit shorter, and Yanqing is even smaller. It makes sense to have the trailblazer and Dan Heng stand on the ends, with March 7th and Yanqing in the middle, it just looks nicer and more balanced that way. But still! Even when they're accommodating for Yanqing in this quest, they still all arrange themselves the same way, almost every time!
But this changes after Dan Heng and Yanqing become suspicious of the visitors from the Yaoqing.
The dango trio still stand around relaxed and in their usual manner when they go to the artisanship delve and meet Skott,
but Dan Heng takes notice of Lingsha when she arrives, and he and Yanqing mentioned her specifically when discussing their worries.
Yanqing worrying so much about Jing Yuan got me right in the heart, he's such a good boy WEH
And when the four of them go out to the alchemy delve to meet Lingsha for tea, the pattern breaks. Suddenly Dan Heng is standing right up front, and even walks in and enters the scene before March 7th and the trailblazer to get to Lingsha before them. He stays a step in front of them the whole time, too.
And then when Dan Heng and the trailblazer have to go be interrogated by Feixiao! The same deal! Dan Heng walks in ahead of them and stays in front of them! Noticeably so! Enough that even Feixiao takes note and voices it!
Dan Heng is so so fiercely protective of his companions, and I love it, I adore hyper vigilance in the wake of trauma like this, I'm so excited to see what else he does in 2.5, I hope we either get to see him get fucked up or the trailblazer gets fucked up in his place, I wanna see them run through the meat grinder!!!
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr dan heng#dan heng#dancae#danstelle#he loves them so much wehhhhhh#(I know I threw in the ship tags but I mean that love romantically or platonically. tag this either way as you please)#but anyway not to mention the whole cutscene part and Dan Heng promising he wouldn't let them die before him#I could have screamed when I read that oh my GOD#Dan Heng. baby. honey. sweetiepie.#I am going to squish him#I wanna see him get a little freaked out about being stuck in the Shackling Prison again heehee#I hope we get to see his old cell at some point#looking at all this though like yeah no wonder Dan Heng immediately doesn't like Moze haha#Moze is capable of the bigger picture and of being objective. Dan Heng loses that ability when his friends are in danger.#It's just not something they can see eye-to-eye on.#Dan Heng and even the trailblazer both immediately see it as being cold and uncaring.#Moze: *breathes*#Dan Heng: I'm no cactus expert but this guy's a prick.#I love them both I hope they butt heads again later fjkldjaklfd#dango trio#Nameless trio#trailblazer trio#caelus#stelle#hsr caelus#hsr stelle#march 7th
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Saw @muwwwsky's cute designs of Anti-chan and Proship-chan here the other day, and just had to draw them. Toxic yuri goes brrrr + I might genuinely start to ship these 2.
Here's the original post from muwwwsky
I also might've changed some of Anti-chan's colors for the sake of a more readable black/white colorscheme, but uh ignore that lol
[ Zoom-in on Proship-chan's phone + Anti-chan's full rant under the cut so yall can read what those things say ]
Idfk what the censored words are either fyi, so feel free to fill in the blanks yourself lmao
#The canvas is fucking 12283 x 8267 pixels istg why do I keep doing this to myself??#This took me uh 6+ hours I think??? Idk at least more than 5 hours#Praying I didn't forget any details rn oml#Either way I'm really happy with how this turned out#proshipper#pro fiction#proship please interact#profic#proship#proship community#proship safe#profiction#op is profic#proship-chan x anti-chan#anti-chan x proship-chan#anti-chan#proship-chan
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Honestly what is so fun with watching this cast play as gods is that they are both playing them as how they are described in the lore, but they are also adding their own twists to them and making them more then just gods.
They are making them Characters.
They are making them People.
Taliesin’s Wildmother being jagged and angry, always hungry, representing that force of uncontrolled nature while we normally imagine her as this caring motherly figure (as the name suggests)
Nick’s Dawnfather being this caring figure, giving hope and resources to those struggling, while also having a level of arrogance that we not only saw portrayed by Matt, but also in how the Dawnfather sees the Exandrian’s as children he lead towards ‘A better path.’
Laura’s Matron not only understands life and death and is what you would expect, but she was once mortal. She knows of the threat Aeor poses to them and is not afraid to tell the others that there is no saving it.
Ashley’s Everlight is this goddess of light and deeply cares for the people of Exandria. When she created her avatar she went all in and started a family. She is now so much closer to the Exandrian’s then any of the others, and if any of the gods there are going to keep fighting to keep the people of Aeor alive, it is going to be her.
All of these characters are going to be so interesting to watch, and I am so excited to see what happens!
#I didn’t count the Emissary since they aren’t actually the Lawbearer#Also I haven’t quite figured out who Abubakar’s character is yet (Someone tell me please! I need to know!)#Either way I am so excited for these characters and I am so excited to see how much more grey this story gets!#critical role#critical role spoilers#exu downfall#cr downfall
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when mr nonchalant turns out to be very chalant about you >>>>
#˗ˏˋ ꒰ ☁️ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ nona imagines!#thinking about satoru and suguru#toji???#nah…👀#sukuna my love?????? yessss#ahhh#either way give him to me please i beg#jjk
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...can we get more of our sweet boy Damien cause he deserves the world but the world doesn't deserve him? :D
JUST ONE CHANCE DAMIEN I SWEARR
I am actually incapable of just sketching him it's ridiculous, he's just too pretty 😩 where's the rabid dog emoji!!! that's how he makes me feel!!! I went with cold boy version this time and it's like collecting the shiny version of your favorite pokemon. Like... I know the classic like the back of my hand... but I hadn't even considered the possibilities of the special edition, yk what I'm sayin?? lmao ANYWAYY,, drawing this got me to thinking about how much of a good loyal boy Damien is yk? Like Celine constructed the cabin to keep Damien's soul appeased so she could try to maintain control right? and she knew her brother well enough that she knew he needed a sense of responsibility and caretaking and even if it's not glamorous work or he doesn't totally understand what's happening, he'll do it for her day after day. LIKE HE'S LITERALLY A MAYOR HE'S LIVES HIS LIFE IN SERVICE OF OTHERS AND HE'S SO GENTLE IM CRYING IDK OKAY T^T
anyway thank you v much for the request I hope youlikeitokiebye--💞💞 (flat ver under the cut)
#kenna draws#markiplier#markiplier cinematic universe#markiplier egos#markiplier ego#markiplier damien#damien whitacre#damien wkm#who killed markiplier#damien#fanart#markiplier fanart#damien fanart#side note I love drawing mark's hair#it's not exactly the same as the video but it turned out similar to the reference sheet they did so#either way I like it :)))#the skrunkly#damien marry me please
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This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.
It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:
At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:
Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.
In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:
Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?
Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.
I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:
Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.
Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.
Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.
And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.
Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.
Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.
I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.
I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.
And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.
Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.
It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.
So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.
He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.
And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).
So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.
What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.
Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.
When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:
Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.
This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.
I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.
But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.
And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.
Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.
Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.
And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.
#this episode broke me in ways i wasn't ready for because of style's backstory so fair warning there's no level of objectivity whatsoever#i'm sure much as already been said about this line and this moment and i'm sorry if i'm just repeating someone else (please let me know!)#i haven't had the time or physical OR emotional capacity to actually read any meta on episode 5#so i apologise in advance if i screwed up anything but these are just my (somewhat disjointed and very emotionally driven) thoughts#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#style sattawat#fadel#thk ep 5#thk meta#i understand why dunk said this scene was so hard and weighty and was his favourite now#(or at least i think this was the one he means?? I vaguely remember an interview where dunk talked about them talking#before they have sex and how emotionally charged it was)#i'll have to go through my tags and see if i talked about it#but either way our boys both did such excellent jobs this episode#as they have been doing every episode but each time i really am just... newly awed by their talent and my adoration for them grows <3#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai#<my posts>
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oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right#what should i have done better#i did it ALL the right way#(not that there is a right way)#it's just that others feel comfortable believing that THEY did it the right way and that's how they made money#whereas i must have just committed a sin somewhere in there! i MUST be doing it wrong!!!#and i'm not a victim!!! im simply experiencing consequences!#and im like. where . where. wherewherewherewhere#i graduated top of my class. i was almost the student speaker.#i have always excelled at work and i work hard#i have been working since i was 13#WHERE !!!!! IS MY FUCKING !!!! MONEY!!!!!!#ps please do not make the assumption i am ablebodied or neurotypical.#i am neither of these things.#it DOES get worse if u are either of those things. so fuckin much#but @ the one anon who was like ''u could be X that would be worse u don't know how lucky u are''#.... don't i?#do i need to be luckier than someone else#or is it possible we are BOTH victims?#and that we need to work TOGETHER to resolve it#not just wave it off since it COULD be harder for someone else... it can be true we BOTH deserve better
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I have something to say about boyf riends being queer platonic but the world isn’t ready
#michael mell#jeremy heere#he’s not really here but the implication is that the glowing spiky star Michael is holding is him#I had two ideas for the situation here#post-play Michael forgiving Jeremy but still feeling that there’s something intrinsically changed about their relationship#or Halloween Michael trying to reach out to Jeremy and realizing that he isn’t really getting through to him#but you can take it however you want :3#either way something so warm and sad about reconciling a friendship you thought was over#your honor their relationship is something that reaches beyond platonic or romantic#your honor please understand they can never fully remove themselves from each others lives#irreparably is the word I meant. not intrinsically.#michael bmc#jeremy bmc#be more chill#bmc#bmc musical#undescribed#my art
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