#but don't have any other choice
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mm i really hope sea shanties made a huge resurgence in the l&co world for agents. that's make me so happy
#just thinking about a team of agents#all young#all scared for their lives#and one of them begins to hum a familiar tune#and the rest of them join in the chorus#and it gives them strength and confidence#and they face the ghosts still singing that song#lockwood and co#lockwood & co#just cause. sea shanties work so well for solidarity amongst people who all hate what they do#but don't have any other choice#also i'm thinking of 'one more pull' by the wellermen/the longest johns#as one of those shanties#i love this idea sm
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I hope leftists who think they’re above voting for president or are voting for Jill Stein or whoever because it’s their stupid way of protesting the system feel good about themselves, especially if Trump wins partly because of your negligence 😍 I know you’re not doing shit to plan the proletarian revolution, especially before January, so you guys better not complain about something harming you that you didn’t even bother to try and change
(edit: changed the last part bc I wrote “…if life gets a lot worse for you” cause that does nottt sound right at all and I apologize for writing that)
#if you have the option to help make change and do nothing then that’s your fault#ah yes! taking absolutely no action! that'll show the corrupt two-party system!#I’m literally a leftist too I don’t like aligning with the democrat party either but like… what other choice do we have right now#why not just vote for the one who sucks less#also you do know Jill Stein and Rudolph Ware don’t give a fuck about you or any leftist issues right#like they’re literally just there to get in the way for people who are too dumb to realize they’re basically just handing a vote to Trump#sorry for my raging here we see that I am very nervous for this election lol#and i know i'm being dramatic i don't actually want life to get worse for anyone but like... if you're anti-trump but don't vote for kamala#you're basically just getting what you asked for#american politics#vote blue#us politics#i know trump supporters are the ones to be angrier with ofc but this type of people are really irritating too#breaking: 20-year-old chronically online tumblr user changes the minds of thousands last-minute by ranting (/s)
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mix: firstprince (taylor's version)
#rwrbedit#alex x henry#alex claremont diaz#henry fox#my reward for not putting any tswift songs on my other mix is that i decided to do one that is just. nothing but tswift songs.#so. firstprince mix (taylor's version)#i was gonna do 'say don't go' for kensington but.#i actually liked 'haunted' a lot more for it#and nearly did 'haunted' for the scene of alex and nora but they swapped#(dress was entirely self-indulgent btw but. i couldn't resist.)#i have zero apologies for the choice of 'paper rings' btw#not pictured: me tapping my foot and waiting impatiently for rep tv#(listen my life will not be complete until i hear 'don't blame me (taylor's version)')#i'm choosing to blame this on my best friend#bc i went 'since i didn't put any on the other mix tell me i can't make one that's just tswift songs'#and she went 'do it.'#and i said 'okay at least tell me i can't just name it 'firstprince (taylor's version)'' and she said 'okay but you should'#so here we are.#also i think my favorite coloring in this is the one i used for 'wildest dreams' and 'you are in love' and 'say don't go'#yes i did attempt to color them in ways reminiscent of the albums and what about it
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - Arendelle
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#arendelle#scenery#my gif#it's nighttime when you first arrive in this world and you get to see the auroras shimmering in the sky#it's very beautiful but once you reach a certain point in the game it becomes daytime and you're not able to view this world at night again#that's pretty unique and i can't think of any other worlds that are like that#except maybe the kingdom of corona when you see the lanterns fly at night but that's just for a short segment#at least san fransokyo gives you a choice to view the city during night or day#anyways i'm glad i had an older save file that i was able to return back to so i could get shots of this world at night#i would have included elsa's castle but every angle i tried looked really awkward and bad lol#i don't use mods when collecting footage so some things are out of my hands when trying to get a nice shot#how sad is it that the interior of her castle is fully modeled (you can see right through the front doors) but you can't go inside#all of the characters stand in a line outside the castle and i wonder why they couldn't just hang out indoors#let me in. let me innnnnn
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lofi phantasy: the album
track 4: pixels in the wind
#pixels in the wind 🤝 cosmic window: titles that don't rlly connect to an obvious dnp reference so i have no choice but to Think#and my brain refuses to interpret 'pixels in the wind' in any other way that isn't. skype calls <3#dan and phil#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#amazingphil#phil lester#danandphilbeats#dpgdaily#phan#dnp gifs#my gifs#compilation#lofiphantasygifs#dnp instagram stories#Cola bottle saliva#Procrastination#Another Sleepless Night with Phil#What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 2
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finally put my finger on what bothers me about the setup for jack and dean's relationship. it's that i personally don't find it exciting or interesting to parentify someone who's been parentified for 30 years already. i know people disagree with me here and that's fine! but i feel that adding another layer of parentification without any meaningful change to the first layer is just. insult to injury i guess.
dean finally gets to tell mary what he went through and he forgives her and it seems like maybe he's going to get to be his own person, finally, with that weight off his back, and then one episode later cas and mary are gone and jack is there and sam needs him too. and sam pushes dean to push down his grief and parent jack. and that's it. dean becomes jack's parent. in some ways he's still acting on how he was parentified for sam. and that could be explored in interesting ways i suppose. i just don't find the execution compelling. in fact it just makes me really sad.
#oh and if you say cycles to me i will eat you.#i'm not interested in that#if they had played this as a bad thing it would be one thing#but as is it's just like yay dean is jack's dad now isn't that great? aren't they just one big happy family? yay!#actually same with cas being jack's dad. frankly.#i mean yeah they explore the struggles of Having A Family but again that's something the show has always done. it's not new#and at no point is dean or cas allowed to back up and say hey wait a minute. maybe I don't want this#i just can't look at any of that as a good thing when cas and dean were so heavily influenced by others to take up the mantle#i think dean should have gotten to have a moment in s15 where he believes jack is chuck's pawn and freaks out#and the show actually resolves it#i don't have an issue with jack btw. or with anyone parenting jack. my issue is the choice (or lack thereof)#spn
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Not me genuinely in a dilemma of whether or not I should block someone just for one absolutely ASS take even though it literally won't make a difference from their POV
#I have blocked so many people just by seeing ONE absolutely frigid take of theirs- i am fucking petty alr-the catharsis is insane#me before: oh i dont like this :( <-UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT#me now: oh i dont like this actually- blocked#curate my own internet space and yada yada yaknow#even though i probably will never come across them again on my dash even if I didn't block them#i just like pressing buttons I think atp#anyways. If it sucks- hit da bricks!!!#its not even like a personal issue- Im sure they're lovely people but also BLOCKED /j /lh#im just being a dick- dw <3#on the other hand- ou folks can block me any time if you don't like my stuff#i mean it was entirely your choice in the first place so im not like- allowing you to do it or giving you permission or smth!#just letting you know that sometimes- Im the shit that sucks and you gotta hit the bricks from#block me if I have an ass take- i dont care- you do you bestiepop#my post#sput chatters
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if you're an american who lives in a place where your reproductive rights may be on the line and use a period tracker, please delete it. i'm not the first person to say it, nor will i be the last, but i will repeat it for hours if needed. this is the time to delete it.
with the results of this election (specifically in congress) many have already acknowledged the effect it will have on access to abortion in this country. rightly so, but it is important to remember that this isn't a solitary issue. at the core of the abortion debate, is an inherent discussion on the self-autonomy of women's bodies. the republican's party disguises it's qualms with this autonomy as qualms on abortion, a procedure which they know draws up strong sentiments across political, socioeconomic, and racial lines. by creating legislature that bans abortion, these states are crafting a legal basis to go after any procedure regarding women's health. you may think this is point of view is extreme, but it's a process we've already seen unfold when alabama threatened the right to ivf earlier this year. banning abortion has never been the end goal, but simply a starting point.
do what you can to take care of your health. and if that means deleting anything that could comprise you, please do it. many of these apps have been instructed to share their data with the state and some already have. it is simply not worth the risk.
and please know that regardless how it may feel right now, there are doctors who stand with you. doctors who will work for you. if you are blessed with the ability to pick your healthcare provider, be intentional with it. find these doctors because they are the ones who will have your back more than any politicians ever will.
#earlier this year i wrote an article about this after being able to discuss it with a medical sociologist on the topic#the idea that abortion is a gateway to banning other procedures has been theorized by medical sociologists and feminist theorists alike#the fact we already started to see it unfold under biden is an indication that these efforts will only increase now#find the young doctors in your area. many are pro-choice on principle alone. and many are vocally against these changes as well#there are elder doctors who share these sentiments as well. it's hard to tell in any case#but look at reviews online and trust your gut.#and at the end of the day please be hopeful. we are nothing if we don't have hope. please do not lose hope.
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the funniest part of juno's canon is that cato sicarius and lelith hesperax end up as like. some kind of work friends. to the detriment of everyone else, naturally
they met bc guilliman and yvraine keep stationing them as guards outside the study during their 'meetings'
the super secret spicy guillivraine meeting under the readmore
LMAO fun fact for the juno verse: 90% of her parents relationship is just this, don't let anyone tell u otherwise
#fanart#wh40k#cato sicarius#lelith hesperax#robute guilliman#yvraine#I'd say i'm bestowing my own sexuality on lelith as a high honor but that's already basically canon so slkdfjls#anyway aroace sicarius is 10000x funnier to me than any other option#half of mccragge is like down bad for this guy#and the other half is down SO bad they out here with like. lance voltron style rivalries#like what r u spending all that time thinking about another annoying marine for sir#he's just like yeah that's how people are. they get jealous or star struck or whatev#as they should. around I. Cato Sicarius.#lelith finds him fascinating she's like buddy they want u to bend them over.#he's like no no. ur projecting ur weird eldar culture with ur. biological functions and such. we don't do that here.#[smash cut to marneus and tigurius being commonlaw married :tm:]#lelith: [squinting] i'm going to study you in a jar#anyway these two are complete menaces and guilliman and yvraine both highly regret their choices#once the two of them get over themselves and realize they have the same hobby (being Bitch Queen Supremes)
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making a new post bc the other one is pretty bulky, im about to be severely overdrafted when i pay my rent in a few days and i really really really cant let that happen :( pls if you have anything to spare i'd appreciate it, im in the process of finding a new job because my current one refuses to give me hours. im transmasc and i dont have a car so finding a job has been difficult but im doing everything i can to make ends meet. even just spreading this around helps
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr
vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 🥺💕
90/450
#ive been rejected from multiple jobs simply because I don't have a car. even the ones i dont need to travel for#i have drivers license and a bus route but thats not good enough#its not like i even tell them i dont have a car either like they Find Out or theres some situation where i have to disclose that info#which feels illegal but whatever#anyways i am so fucking hopeless for the future im so terrified idk how im gonna pay my bills next month#ive tried asking for more hours at my current job but they dont care!!!! they dont fucking care!!!!!#idk how i went from having full time hours to working one day a week so suddenly but i hate it#and the worst part is theyre really guilt trippy about it and the managers are constantly talking abt it in the group chat#like they have all these extreme standards they only give you hours if you go way above and beyond in every aspect#even my good coworkers have been getting their hours cut#like even the IMPORTANT people arent getting hours#its fucked up!!!! never ever ever work for sheetz its a fucking nightmare#ive signed up for multiple temp agencies and none of them have given me any leads#im working on comms every day but it takes me so long to work on one piece that the process has been slow#im about to apply to work at fucking mcdonalds or something like its THAT bad rn i really dont want to but what other choice do i have
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to my fellow creatives: never stop making art. art is an act of protest.
#i know that this is outside of what i normally post but a few days have passed and i've had time to think#the results of the US elections are hitting me really hard. i feel so gutted and betrayed and have no idea who the hell to trust anymore#so with that being said#I just want it to be abundantly clear that I am anti-Tr*ump and if you voted or support him in any way just unfollow me#actually do me a favor and block me#you do not deserve to read and enjoy art made by me if you think i don't deserve the right to fucking exist.#support black lives#free palestine#very fucking pro-choice#queer lives matter#disabled lives matter#i dislike the performative act of providing a list like this is a menu at a restaurant but i want there to be NO DOUBT where i stand.#there are many others who are more qualified and smarter than me to speak but i want to make it very clear to my followers where i stand.#and before someone says 'keep politics out of art' shut the actual fuck up. art and consuming art is and always will be political#and the only art worth anything is made by people like me and people who I love and support#and don't think it's only the US. the issues we have here are just as present in canada europe and asia and everywhere else.#there's so much more that i could say but that's all for now. my inbox is open.
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Thinking about Vulcans prizing “calm” over “happiness”.
Like how humans look back on their childhood and remember how happy it was - joyful days spent running around in the sun, getting into a bit of trouble, laughing with peers and family - that’s how they know it was a good one. Meanwhile Vulcans might look back on their childhood and remember how peaceful it was. Quiet days spent studying, the warm glow of candlelit lessons in caves, getting along smoothly with ones peers - that’s how they know it was a good one. Humans typically chose their friends and romantic partners based on if this person makes them feel happy above all. The question of “Do you like being with them?” is interpreted to mean “Does being with them make you feel happy?” But since Vulcans don’t experience (or strive for) happiness there would have to be some other parameter. So I was thinking about like, what is a good relationship to a Vulcan? There’s obviously a big emphasis on ‘togetherness’ in Vulcan unions. The Pon Farr ritual Tuvok does with his [hologram] wife involves them committing to becoming “Two bodies one mind” and it’s stated that they give and receive from each other all that they are. There’s also of course the iconic “Never and always touching and touched”. This is all (as was said during T’Pol & Koss’ wedding) “The Vulcan heart, the Vulcan soul, this is our way.” Vulcans are also (ENT) expected to live together for at least a year after being married - I imagine so that they can bond with and get to know one another. In SNW T’Pring wants for Spock to honor the commitments he makes to her so in that case T’Pring values Spock keeping his word to her and placing her above other things. I see a bit of Tuvok in that, where he prizes his commitment to T’Pel over anything else to the point where he’d nearly rather die than break it: (Even though he eventually agrees to having sex with a hologram it MUST be of his wife and he lets Tom/The Audience know that he will NOT be making a habit of it. There’s no ironclad logical reason for him to react this way as a hologram is not a person but his commitment to T’Pel seems to take precedence and I believe that’s his reasoning. His bond with T’Pel is logical, sustaining and important to him and he’s loath to break it over some bodily need. some desire that will pass even if it kills him.) <- By this way of thinking, betraying T’Pel would be the emotional choice while remaining loyal to her is remaining loyal to his logical self. A strong emphasis on loyalty to one’s mate seems to be a common Vulcan trait. In the beginning this seems to be rooted in tradition but later on its probably assumed that the couple will be loyal to one another out of some sort of actual connection between two people as opposed to pure obligation. In ENT T’Pol says that a certain degree of “affection” is eventually expected to happen within a marriage (though the way she says it makes me think this doesn’t always occur and isn’t necessarily The Goal) and her mother says that she and her husband developed a “deep connection” to one another. All this makes me think that a connection and a sense of ‘togetherness’ or ‘compatibility’ would also be prized over more emotional things like a passion for one another. It’s a partnership above all and that would be prized over a romantic union. It makes me think of Vulcans’ roots in violence and war. Maybe this commitment to a steady togetherness, two people who don’t know each other being able to work together so seamlessly they nearly become one, is a way to show they’ve moved beyond that despite the pon farr remaining. Vulcans are a naturally very emotional species. Someone who incites that would probably not be seen as someone you should spend your time with. Someone who makes your heart pound, sets you ablaze, fills you with passion - that sounds like a bad Vulcan time v_v Tuvok says as much when he talks about how he was struck with “shon-ha’lock”. Humans wouldn’t see anything wrong with having a crush on someone (and indeed in that episode Tom only comes to the conclusion that it’s a shame Tuvok couldn’t act on these emotions) but it’s obvious that even a teenaged crush when uncontrolled can become a very big problem to a Vulcan. In one of the Star Trek Novels Tuvok even stops being friends with and talking to a girl because she tearfully admits she has feelings for him and he sees that her feelings for him cause her pain. Instead of thinking “Oh, she really likes me, good! We’re close friends so maybe we can make this work.” or even “I don’t like her romantically but since we’re close friends we can work through it.” Tuvok thinks “Oh, she really likes me. That must be causing her to become very emotional and I can see she’s clearly upset. I’ll remove myself from her life so my presence doesn’t incite those emotions anymore.” And while him flat out just cutting himself out of her life might seem weird and kind of cruel and a frankly hilarious reaction to someone confessing their love to you - I also think it’s something he thought of as a kindness. If his presence harms her (stirs up emotions in her) then he will remove himself to keep from harming her. Along that vein, calmness or the absence of strong emotions would be a good relationship and one worth staying in. Not that there can’t be any emotions (Tuvok and T’Les obviously care[d] deeply for their respective spouses) but that they must be controllable and able to be cast aside in the face of logic. I also think that “knowing” the other person would be considered very important (after marriage of course). If you’re to operate as a partnership, a team, and especially if you’re both telepaths you should be able to know your spouse pretty damn well. I see T’Pring attempt to do this in SNW where she is constantly fighting to get to know Spock which Spock self-consciously discourages since he’s been told/shown that his human side is unappealing to Vulcans. But yeah man idk...just picturing a Vulcan and a human talking for hours...walking along the beach...sleeping side by side...getting to know one another...and at the end of it all one says “You make me feel happy” and the other says “Your presence calms me” and it means, essentially, the same thing.
#star trek#vulcans#Flipside to humans seeing Vulcan relationships as frighteningly cold and formal: where's the choice? the autonomy? the love!#Vulcans seeing Human relationships as exhaustingly turbulent meandering and estranged: where's the union? the commitment? the connection!#In the star trek universe my only contribution is that I write a book titled 'Vulcan-Human Relationships: Peace & Love'#and it's never important to any story it's just a background gag#Vulcan: Is that your husband? / Human: HUSBAND?? Haha we've only been dating like a year or two. / Vulcan: I can't with this. I have to go.#I don't ever know what to call these things#ummmmmmmmmmm I hope I'm making any sense#alien affections and value systems my beloved....#people who earnestly 100% do NOT desire human concepts of 'love' or 'happiness' - INTERESTING!!!!!#I like Tuvok a lot when i think about this bc he has a Vulcan spouse whom he cherishes while every other main Vulcan has either:#A human love interest and/or A vulcan spouse they don't want to marry#WHICH IS WHY I WISH. THEY HAD EXPLORED TUVOK'S RELATIONSHIP W ITH HIS WIFE. EVEN A ///LITTLE//// BIT.#-chewing at the walls- BUT ITS FINE. IT'S FINE THAT THEY DIDN'T AT ALL. /lie
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God I would love to have seen Lieutenant Jopson actually disagree and argue with Crozier, just once.
I'd love to have seen them have a proper argument once Jopson finally had the official authority to actually speak his mind a bit more.
I can't help but wonder if, perhaps unconsciously, Crozier promoted him in small part so as to have a lieutenant who would always agree and back him up in his decisions. But Jopson, of course, is a bright lad who knows his own mind, and nothing tantalises me more than the thought of that united front just not happening.
#This is not an anti-Crozier post just to be clear#I don't actually think he promoted Jopson with any of that in mind#But I do think that time and time again it's clear that often he doesn't know or understand people half as well as he thinks he does#On the one hand it's tragic and I pity him for it#But on the other hand those misjudgements of human nature have so much potential for biting him in the arse in amusing ways#Like 'Oh you thought I'd automatically agree with you on every point like I did before?'#'Well jokes on you bitch! I was literally your servant before and had no real choice but to!'#Jopson's clearly got that fight in him and I'd love to have seen it come out again in such a situation#The Terror#The Terror AMC#Thomas Jopson#Francis Crozier#In all seriousness I am fascinated by all the ways that promotion could irrevocably alter their relationship
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WIP Abandoned No More Tag List Clean Up
Alright, thought I'd be back posting in November, but election results in my country left me not wanting to write about anything political or related to reproductive choices/family planning. But, now that the sting has faded to a dull ache of inevitability, I figure I might as well dive back in.
Given that it has been years since I posted, I figure a tag list clean up is warranted. Apologies, this seems like my most recent list, but I could be very mistaken. As usual, this will be opt in. If I don't hear from you by December 3rd, I will take you off my tag list(s). A like means "leave me where I am."
All Choices: @forallthatitsworth @mom2000aggie @kingliam2019 @lovingchoices14
TRR/TRH: @motorcitymademadame @iplaydrake @princessleac1 @twinkleallnight @marshmallowsandfire
@axwalker @sirbeepsalot @iaminlovewithtrr @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @hedgehogs-dilemmas
Drake x MC: @rubiwalker @walkerdrakewalker @petiteboheme @mskaneko
ICWAM: @sunnyxdazed
FoF: @burnsoslow @monstercyclops
OH: @mskaneko
Bryce x MC: empty
ROD: @burnsoslow @mskaneko @brightpinkpeppercorn
Logan x MC: @iplaydrake
Colt x MC: empty
RCD: empty
Seth x MC: empty
MOTY: empty
Levi x MC: empty
Blades: @marshmallowsandfire
Mal x MC: @brightpinkpeppercorn
TF series: empty
James x MC: empty
TWC: @burnsoslow @agentnatesewell
Nate x f!detective: empty
Mind Blind: @burnsoslow
Grayson x f!button: empty
#choices fanfiction#guess whos back#trr fanfic#drake walker x mc#open heart fanfiction#bryce lahela x mc#other assorted pairings#not adding any more specific tags because I don't have anything else remotely in progress for them at this time#never say never#but lets take this one step at a time#grrm-ing my fic#tag list clean up
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I know we skirt around and sometimes talk about the ~trauma~ of it all, but I think seeing how loudly Taylor and Travis support each other on main (while still carving out a private life together) really starts to illuminate to an even clearer degree how many of Taylor's choices and actions were a response to all of ~that~ in the last decade or so (and particularly since 2016).
Again, which is not to say it's all bad, and many of them were choices she needed to make at the time for her own health and I'm sure there are some things from the time period she's continued to keep with her, but it's just really striking that she's, like, in full bloom now. And as a lot of people here are saying, she's probably more like herself these days than she'd been in the last decade. It's getting to the point (at least for me) that sometimes I can't even imagine her the way she was in the last few years because she just seems soooooo much more comfortable in her own skin. Which is silly, because that was as much her as the person she is now, she is an amalgamation of all those parts of her (just like any other person is).
But you just see *how much* she just loves so freely -- not just romantically but in everything she does -- and it's even sadder to think about how she felt like she had to slice off all these parts of her and like she had to accept a certain way of living (and being loved) in order to survive and have a life of her own.
I'm just really happy for her that she seems to be healing every passing day and is just embracing everything coming her way.
ok gonna word vomit more in the tags
#like i'm just trying not to drag certain people too much because really what's past is past etc lol#but it's just like... seeing how she's come out the other side in the last 10 months#I can't even picture her being locked away in her house and agreeing to be kept like a secret by ANYONE#and again it's not that it was all bad (e.g. with j*e) -- i have no doubt that the privacy was something she craved in 2016#and that it probably started off as a relief to her#but I can't picture her in a relationship at this point in her life where her partner won't even say her name in public#and where she goes to extreme degrees to not appear with them#(ahem EVEN WHEN THEY'RE AT THE SAME FESTIVAL)#and navigating that 24/7#and the fuck of it all is that it wasn't even just one relationship like that! There were multiple!#and like not to psychoanalyze or whatever lol#but the whole 'you accept the love you think you deserve' of it all#and maybe it's like she felt this extreme privacy to the point where they publicly almost couldn't acknowledge they existed#was the only way it was possible to have any kind of home life#idk idk i'm having a lot of feelings on her behalf#i guess the tl;dr is that i feel like because of all the things that happened to her#she made choices that i don't think she'd be making at this point
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what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.
or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!
and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes
and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you
#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her#but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son#just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead#so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options#that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive#thinking about it makes me go feral#they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible#and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too#but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye#percy jackson#sally jackson#pjo#hoo#percy and sally#percy jackon and the olympians#whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work#and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts#don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him#but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore?#and he knows that's not true but what if?#i'm thinking it#okay i think that's enough
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