#but completely disregard how everyone else gets with cases with kids

[beware-of-you-98]

1) A lot of people brush over how important media liaison JJ was especially to Hotch like that man leaned on her so much, there’s a reason why he stopped trying to replace her after she left, she couldn’t be replaced not temporarily and definitely not forever. 2) I am a firm believer that a lot of people don’t like profiler JJ because she finally learnt how to stand up for herself, which she never did before.

SAY THIS FUCKING LOUDER TO THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

[babycharmander]

Oleander and the effects of psitanium

A popular headcanon is that a major factor in causing Oleander to snap was the high levels of psitanium at Whispering Rock. The evidence cited for this is is typically Ford’s explanation of how psitanium works: “It responds to psychic waves, focuses them, amplifies them. It can make psychics more psychic, but it can also make unstable people more unstable. Not everyone can handle that much activity in that part of their brain. It can drive them completely out of their gourd.”

One issue with this is that it doesn’t account for Ford’s situation. Ford himself is completely shattered, but the psitanium stabilizes him. When he’s close to the giant psitanium boulder (or when he’s around a big enough chunk of psitanium, like the one he straps to his back later in the game), he’s able to function. If it were true that psitanium makes unstable psychics more unstable, Ford would be worse off.

Now you could say that maybe Ford responds well to it because he’s able to handle it, but that just brings up another problem. If psitanium was good for only some psychics and caused other psychics to lose their minds, that would make Whispering Rock a terrible place to train psychic kids. The kids would either become more skilled psychics or else lose their entire mind. If that were the case, it would make more sense for the camp to be placed elsewhere.

Given those factors, I think it’s safe to say that psitanium is good for psychics, but bad for non-psychics. This also works when we consider the history of Shaky Claim, in which most of the residents of the town slowly lost their minds, resulting in the creation of Thorney Towers. (Granted, parts of that history stump should probably be taken with a grain of salt given its timeline is kindof a mess, but I digress.)

And now for some speculative rambling!

It didn’t strike me until recently, however, that the high concentration of psitanium at Whispering Rock (which Ford explains is the highest concentration of psitanium known to man) may have been a reason why Oleander was sent to work there, as opposed to a reason why he attempted a takeover.

Even disregarding the li-po doc, Oleander is shown in canon to be aggressive and is known to attempt wild schemes, and before the first game, had also been suffering for a long while due to unresolved childhood trauma. He may have been sent to Whispering Rock not only to get him out of the way of different missions, but also so that he could be at a place with a larger concentration of psitanium to help stabilize him.

Heck, Ford could have been the one to suggest it. Something of note is that Ford was aware, to some extent, of Oleander’s trauma. Shortly after Raz arrives in Meat Circus, Ford remarks, “That’s right. Morry’s old man was a butcher!” It wouldn’t be all that difficult to put two and two together to realize that a psychic with zoolepathy having a father who was a butcher would be a recipe for trauma, though Ford might not’ve known the full extent of it.

It would then make sense for Ford, seeing how much better he himself was doing at Whispering Rock, to suggest that Oleander be sent there as well. (Of course, IIRC we don’t know who ordered Oleander to be sent to work at Whispering Rock, but Ford could have passed the idea to Sasha or Milla, who would’ve then brought it up to Truman and/or Hollis.)

Rather than the psitanium making things worse for Oleander, it could have helped stabilize him... for a time.

Unfortunately it would also put him in a place where he had very, very easy access to Thorney Towers and its residents, which would become instrumental in his eventual takeover plans.

And as the psitanium did not make Ford’s unresolved trauma go away, it also didn’t magically heal Oleander’s unresolved trauma... so all it could do was prolong his eventual breakdown.

[momentomori24]

Chapter 4 of Rain Code somehow just really made me love Halara than I already do (which says a bunch cuz I love Halara. Like. A lot). They really fleshed out everyone here but I really want to start with them first.

They started off as a logical, cool and collected yet emotionally distant and cut throat individual with no regard for other's struggles and will only lend their aid when the pay is right. In Chapter 1 they literally rejected a poor little kid who's dad was falsely arrested because he (very obviously) didn't have 5 million shien ready and then claimed that those unable to prove their resolve might as well not exist to them. And as a slap in the face threw the ball that boy offered instead because it was his most important item over to Yuma, completely disregarding the sentimental value which came from the fact that he used said ball to play with his almost-as-good-as-dead dad before all that crap went down.

That coldness extends over to Yuma as well. They put him in debt in exchange for their help and up the price for the cake they bought and how much he made them wait. When he reached out his hand to them to activate his Coelescence, they state they have zero intentions of getting friendly with him before violently shutting him down by saying they despise him and the thought of their hands touching makes their skin crawl (that actually hurt btw). They don't just hate Yuma, they hate humanity in general, but surprisingly that didn't stop them from fulfilling their role of assistant in exchange for his payment. They're cold, but not cruel. Even though they expected payment for their services, they didn't press him to hand him the money right away. They didn't think much of Yuma outside of being a trainee, yet were willing to see his potential and put credit were credit is due. Even though they did most of the heavy-lifting during the investigation and figured out the crime before Yuma did, they set up the scene and brought forth the suspects to give him his time to shine. They literally come to the rescue every time he needs help, whether he called on them or not. And most importantly, even with their memories of the Mystery Labyrinth erased and them having no recollection of Yuma solving the case, they still acknowledged him as a detective and stated he should be proud of himself for trying as hard as he did. In Chapter 2, they even defended him against Desuhiko when he was coming at Yuma for not being a real detective, saying that they shouldn't don't descriminate and that he's also one of them. They warm up to him, from praising his decision to take the initiative even in the face of Yakou's disaproval to helping out the group free of cost and billing the expenses to the WDO instead in Chapter 4.

And CHAPTER 4, man. They truly grew as a person and that chapter shows that so well. They're still classic Halara for planning on charging Vivia for his laziness when they make their epic entrance to save the group and telling the peacekeepers that they'll be having their coin back, but honestly I wouldn't have them any other way. And while I loved seeing them kick ass with those legs of pure steel, my favourite scenes were when they were tending to Yakou when he was on death door.

They were trying to keep him alive for as long as possible for everyone's sake. It's those brief yet tense moments where we get to see Halara at their most desperate, where their cool-headed persona starts to crack. We finally see just how much they care about the others. The moment they realize something's off with Yakou they rush to his side to resuscitate him as best as they can. And the worst part is that Yakou was probably already gone at that point.

We heard his voice in the corridor when were conducting the investigation using Spectral Projection before we met with the others. And if that voice was truly his soul seperating from his body, then wouldn't that mean that Yakou was already dead for everything else that happened after? We know he was already dead before Yuma and Vivia got back; they confirmed that themselves. They probably noticed it around the time his heartbeat stopped.

If that's the case, then was Halara just appearing to resuscitate his body for that long? Just to not break Desuhiko and Fubuki's hearts? So that Vivia and Yuma get even the slimest chance of saying goodbye? It's such a complete 180 to how they were at the beginning. Had this been chapter 1, they would've broken the news as soon as they found out. They wouldn't have spent ages giving people hope for a dead person to come back because there's no logic to that-- and yet they do. Because they care about their friends. Where their kindness and support had once come at a cost and as obligatory as their cooperation had been, their relationship with the other detectives has at some point crossed over into genuine care and thoughtfulness over their wellbeing.

I just really love seeing how much they changed over the course of the chapters. They were definitely very selfish and cold and calculating at the start, but they're the furthest from it now-- and I love them for it.

[x0401x]

I think I've said this before, but I always reply to asks. No matter how long it takes. In this case, it took me a year. I can barely believe it. The way that grad school and living in Tokyo completely sucked away my free time is surreal. To be honest, I was expecting this, but I was hoping I'd be able to get back on track sooner. Words can't possibly express how sorry I am for the truly ridiculous delay.

Okay, now without further ado...

So, episode 11. By this point, it’s clear that the anime is trying to convince us that Eisuke is single-handedly guiding Tsujimine to the top. This unintentionally disregards the other members of the team and relegates them as nothing more than his less important supporters. That’s the same kind of narrative suicide that season 1 committed, except with Seiya instead. In S1, Seiya is the only character with a personality, basically because his canon personality is butchered and he’s turned into an amalgamation of other characters’ good traits, plus some weird yandere shit that the screenplay pushed onto him. The narrative makes him a participant of just about everything that happens, while dimming down everyone else, even the very protagonist of the story. It’s clear that KyoAni (read that as director Yamamura) couldn’t handle giving the spotlight to one character at a time and making them as rich and colorful as the original work, so they decided to invest all of the good stuff into just one character and make the fandom obsess with him. Which failed miserably, but we all already know how that went.

In the case of S2, this pattern is a little worse, even. The other boys of Tsujimine are barely there, and whenever they’re there, it’s to make Eisuke’s character shine through, never their own. And when it comes to team performance, almost like the team consists of just Eisuke, as if they’re part of the team only because there aren’t five of him. He’s basically a genius who does everything - he’s an individual archer, a team competitor, the team leader, the club counselor in place of their teacher who knows fuck-all about kyudo, and a coach, since their team has none. And he excels at all of that, which is not only unrealistic but also contradictory. It’s unrealistic because, like all Zen types of martial arts, kyudo takes experience and experience inevitably requires time. There’s no way a high school kid would be on the same level of knowledge and skill as certified practitioners and be able to look after four people while simultaneously doing his own practice. This is literally unheard of in the history of kyudo. And it’s contradictory because it was established in earlier episodes that Eisuke was taking advice from his uncle for coaching Tsujimine, so how come the story just forgot about this and started branding Eisuke as the one and only patron saint of his team?

In the book, Eisuke manages the team coaching by filming practice, showing it to Shigeru and getting precise advice every day, which he follows by heart. The team coach is actually Shigeru, not him. He’s also not the team counselor, and although he’s the most proactive member, the thing about Tsujimine is that they’re not a conventional team. All the boys have very outstanding personalities - one could even call them self-centered -, to an extent where it doesn’t seem like there’s an actual leader in the team. Everyone is just doing their business and none of them are particularly close to each other, but when it comes to kyudo, they all trust one another and nobody tries to meddle with each other’s way of doing things. Against what appearances might suggest, harmony comes naturally to them. This is something very unique of Tsujimine and it’s sad to see this dynamics ruined.

Other than that, this is one more example of the anime treating kyudo like a sport. Everyone keeps fawning over Eisuke, even people from other teams, and telling him that he should be proud of himself for his achievements. I could argue about how unnatural it feels to see teenagers behaving like that all the fucking time, but I don’t think I have to. And it’s all the more ridiculous when it comes to anything Zen-related. Being proud isn’t the point. Achievements aren’t the point. There’s no point but enlightenment. KyoAni seemed to be making an extra effort to show respect towards kyudo this time around in the first episodes, so I really wish they could’ve nailed this, but it’s hard to take the story seriously when it fails to understand the most basic thing about its core theme. So many things in this anime are such a blatant “don’t worry about it” that I have lost count, especially about the fundamental elements of kyudo.

Most important, though, is that this “Eisuke is God” thing is a disservice to Minato as a character. And I’m not even talking about the fact that Eisuke, the character who was supposed to be the “bad guy” of this arc, is getting more background story and emotional investment from the narrative than the protagonist himself. I mean the fact that he’s being given a role that was supposed to belong to Minato in the near future. Yes, I’m talking about his career plan to become a Shinto priest and a kyudo coach. It was set up from the very beginning in the novel. Throughout the whole story, we get glimpses of him already being on the path for that by being the kind of person who inspires others to shine their own colors. He gives prep talks to Ryouhei and Kaito, acknowledges Nanao’s efforts and lets Seiya indulge in his patience and forgiveness. He also gives people advice, like with Manji when he was about to get target panic. A lot of people seemed to interpret this as Minato being savage, but it was a candid warning. In volume 3, though, we get to see Minato actually do something very close to coaching. The way he encourages Hikaru in the most non-obvious, roundabout and abstract manner possible is exactly how kyudo coaching should be. He never tells Hikaru to do anything, just says things that might sound vague, but actually mean to stir Hikaru’s spirit. The pacing of this scene is kind of a mess and its contents might be confusing for some (as Zen always is, to be fair), but what Minato does in it is honestly beautiful. He doesn’t even seem to realize what he’s doing; he just does it (very Zen of him, as usual) and it hits home. It’s a glaring sign from the author that he’s a natural at this (again, can’t get more Zen than that).

All of this careful build-up is wasted in the anime, given that Minato’s “natural talent for realizing people’s needs and spilling pearls of wisdom onto them” is now Eisuke’s in the show. I might sound harsh here but I gotta spill the beans on this particular load of bullshit: the anime lowkey hates its own protagonist. The one thing I thought KyoAni could’ve learned from last time was to stop giving other characters’ roles and personalities to whoever the director decided to pick as fandom darling for the season, but I guess this was too much to ask once again. Still, as you guys know, my motto for S2 is “disappointed but not surprised”. I do realize everything that’s wrong with it and don’t like it, yet I maintain what I’ve been saying since the beginning: I’m taking what I can get. It’s a miracle that a sequel even exists, anyway.

More bullshit ensues as Eisuke is confronted by Seiya by the toilet. It’s kind of amusing to see the anime finally try to portray Seiya as his own person in this season, only to do a full backtrack and put him again in the one-dimensional condition of “caring about nothing but Minato”. It’s also kind of weird to see Eisuke going through the trouble of attempting to pick a fight, especially when it concerns Seiya, whom he has no reason to hold contempt for. He resents Minato and Shuu because Saionji took them in as disciples when he (she, in the anime’s case) wouldn’t take him. What’s his reason to be a prick to Seiya, even when unprompted? It’s never explained or implied. The scene itself apparently has no reason to be there other than to imply that Eisuke attacks people because he’s putting up a front, as shown from the toilet mirrors and the composition of the shots. In putting up a front, he’s keeping himself from moving forward, which thankfully aligns with canon.

Then the dialogue shoots itself on the foot by suggesting that Seiya is moving forward because he sticks to his weird obsession with being Minato’s guardian.

I could talk about how obsession is a negative point for anyone who practices any Zen martial art and that the anime is once again treating kyudo like a sport here, but I’d just be repeating myself. What annoys me here is that the show continues to miss the point about Seiya. Sure, he’s a caretaker by nature and he worries about Minato more than anyone else, not just because Minato is his best friend, but also because Minato is a dumbass and a catastrophe magnet. But from the moment he and Minato have The Talk in volume 1, his attitude changes drastically. He’s a mother-hen but he’s got a life outside of Minato. He’s his own person with his own problems, like a normal person would be. By turning Seiya into a Minato-hen, the anime makes him feel unnatural and forced. Even Ichikawa Aoi’s line delivery is stiff as hell here. It sounds like fiction, and it’s not supposed to. This is a slice-of-life.

And so, after wasting half an episode with this boring repetition of information that goes absolutely nowhere, we finally move on to what matters. Or what should matter: the goddamn tournament.

It’s not a ganglion but a broken nail in the anime. The brief moment of Minato assuring that everything is fine and the one where he helps everyone regain their composure are the closest things that the anime gets to portraying him faithfully. Minato isn’t the glue that keeps everyone together because there’s no such thing in any of the teams in Tsurune, but he is very much a force of nature in it. He stirs things up and makes shit happen. I dare say he’s as much of a source of inspiration for the club as Masaki is. But it lasts for only a few minutes before Yamamura’s bias steals the spotlight again. It’s amazing how everything is about Seiya even when it’s supposed to be about the whole team. And by “amazing” I mean it makes me want to rip my hair off. In order to keep my sanity from flying off the nest, I tried to distract myself by keeping count of how many times Eisuke has said or thought the phrase “Tsujimine will win as Tsujimine”. It’s been three or four times, just in this episode.

Speaking of Tsujimine, I’m losing my mind at how the way it’s depicted far surpasses the way Kazemai is, from an artistic standpoint. The way the flashbacks are perfectly timed, the watercolor explosion, the fact that Shigeru is watching it from the hospital in real time… it’s such a stark contrast to the bad water CGI from the Kazemai side. Everything connects just perfectly. The show wants you to cheer for them and not Kazemai. I maintain my point from waaay back ago, but KyoAni (again, read that as director Yamamura) has next to no interest in Minato. It doesn’t dive into him, doesn’t explore him beyond surface level and is not invested in making him captivate the viewers. By extension, the same happens with Kazemai. The creators clearly find it to be a boring club, completely blind to the fact that they’re the ones that made it boring.

Anyway, this is my take on episode 11. Now here’s a bonus: a review of the movie.

Being back home for the summer means I finally, at long freaking last, got to watch “Hajimari no Issha”, since it was not on Netflix or Chrunchyroll. I wrote down my thoughts about it as soon as I watched it, which was about half a year ago. If this isn’t a testament to how little free time I’ve had for the past year, I don’t know what would be, lol. It’s surreal how long this has been sitting untouched in my iPad notes. As compensation and apology for taking so goddamn long to post the remainder of my reviews on S2, I’m leaving this here.

First of all, I’m happy that the glow-up in the art style actually began with this movie and not really in S2. The extra scenes are clearly animated better than the recap ones. The contrast is ridiculous. It honestly had me torn between “wow, thanks for the consideration” and “so you really could’ve done better from the beginning and decided not to, huh”.

I’m also happy that it humbly offers bits of information and character development that we’d been given in the novel up to that point but were left out of S1 (well, at least the part of it that doesn’t contradict the anime, which is a lot). Minato’s mother, the time when he and Seiya were going to the same grade school as Ryouhei, young Masaki and his grandfather, etc. Many things we were supposed to have had in S1 are here.

The first parts go back and forth in time, but the initial content is new. New scenes, new dialogue, but still with a certain degree of deviance from the source material. The funny thing (it really ain’t funny at all) is that the deviations mostly don’t have a reason to be there. Hardly any of them have anything to do with the alterations made in S1. Thankfully, they’re small and not very significant, just minor bothers.

But if they’re so unimportant, then why do they bother, y’all may ask. Well… because they’re constant reminders of how much KyoAni doesn’t get this story. Or its characters. Or (yeah, it’s getting old, I know) Zen.

First one was the way Minato got into archery. So I guess anybody who read the novel has been able to tell, but the characters kind of stand on a ladder when it comes to how enlightened they are. Masaki is at the very top, of course, and right bellow him are Minato and Shuu. As the author’s bias - I mean, the one who’s closest to the Zen-Buddhist ideal of enlightenment, Masaki found his way to archery without any reason. He had contact with it even before he became aware of his surroundings; it happened naturally, as if that was just the obvious way to go about life for him (and it was, in a sense).

As the not-so-close second, Minato got into archery in the same way as Masaki: by sheer coincidence (just happened to be present at a kyudo ceremony) and influenced by a loved one (his mother). They also were inspired by the same person (Akihiro) and fell in love with archery at the very same place (Yata Shrine). The difference is that Minato decided to pursue archery consciously, unlike Masaki, who was just doing it before he even realized it, as though he’d been born already with a bow and arrow in hands. And that was that. It’s simplistic and pure and the peak of innocence. It also defines the whole story because this shared beginning, translated in the form of Akihiro’s tsurune, is basically what ignites Minato’s whole world and connects him to everything and everyone he loves. And then comes his mother and her past doing kyudo, which adds fuel to the fire but it’s not really what kindles it. Because then that’d be just ordinary and not as Zen as what the author was going for.

Second alteration that I noticed was the rubber mountain rat that Masaki gave Minato, which in the anime is a rubber ball with a mountain rat mascot printed onto it. As I’ve mentioned a thousand times before, saying that S1 was lackluster and wasteful in terms of Masaki’s teachings and his relationship with Minato is a gross understatement. I’m glad KyoAni tried to make up for that here by giving him a little more spotlight being an actual coach, not just teaching the bare minimum and fucking up. The mountain rat is given quite a bit of importance in volumes 1 and 3, as well as everything else that Minato receives from Masaki, so I guess KyoAni can no longer pretend that these things don’t matter. Except the timing wasn’t the best. In the novel, Masaki gave the mountain rat to Minato when Minato hadn’t yet joined the club, and there’s the whole subplot about Minato being haunted by the things Masaki gives him and does for him, because he’s afraid he’ll lose Masaki at some point. But the opportunity to explore it has long been missed.

Something else that is very different from the original is the way that Seiya is being portrayed as similar to Masaki. This is also a thing in the drama CDs and promotional audios for S2, for some reason. Yet in S2 this is thrown out the window and Masaki is portrayed as similar to Shigeru instead. KyoAni tries so hard not to make the right comparison it’s hysterical.

Speaking of Masaki as a character, it’s always amusing to see the many ways that KyoAni misses the mark about him every single time. It’s literally impossible to understand what they’re trying to do with him. One example of the many incoherences in their depictions of him (aside from trying to brand him as similar to two characters who are completely different from each other, with neither of them being the characters that he’s actually similar to in canon), is the scene where Ren calls him a narcissist. ‘Cause that’s totally the number one quality of a priest. I lost my mind at this one. Where do they pull this shit from? When did Masaki ever act that way, even in the anime itself? Are they just throwing words around? Make it make sense.

There’s one fleeting moment where Masaki is compared to Minato in this scene. Except it’s not because of their personalities or form, but because of the target panic. And Masaki doesn’t really appreciate that. Yeah, that’s definitely the same Masaki who decided to take on teaching because he saw himself in Minato, especially due to the target panic. Who knew exactly what to do and how to help him because of his previous experience. Who puts prayers into everything he does for Minato so that Minato will overcome it as soon as possible. That Masaki.

“Don’t know her,” says the show.

Most frustrating of all is that this happens because Ren says kyudo is overly complicated for something that’s “all about hitting or missing” and Masaki retorts with, “Yeah, but that’s what makes it interesting”, which prompts Ren to joke, “Said like a true narcissist” before Masaki elbows him. This is a nod to volume 1’s “The way of the bow is steep, but that’s what makes it interesting”, but by God, does it backfire in the worst possible way. He could’ve just said that kyudo isn’t about hitting or missing. Actually, the last thing kyudo would be about is hitting or missing. Hitting and missing don’t fucking matter. Masaki is the last character who should be saying this, considering that he’s not only the best archer of the club but also that the literal reason why he and his grandfather started fighting was that Akihiro accused him of only caring about hitting the target. This isn’t western archery. Get your own culture right, I’m begging you.

Breathe in, breathe out. I’m fine. We’re fine. This movie… isn’t fine, but S1 was by far the worst offender. Second place is S2. And none of these three are in the same ballpark. This wasn’t exactly good but it also wasn’t bad.

On the positive side, I like the care and detail that was put into this production as much as I like the care and detail put into in S2. Despite everything I just said, KyoAni is definitely paying a lot more attention and respect to the original from this movie onwards. Is it enough? Absolutely not. But it’s something.

Like the first shot of S2, for example, which is a throwback to the scene of Akihiro adjusting himself into his draw. The camera angles are identical. This is a very nice and well-thought detail not just for the sake of parallels, but because of something Tomio says in volume 3: that an archers’ form tends to resemble the one of their teacher. He comments that everyone from the team resembles Masaki a lot when they shoot, which indirectly means that they resemble Akihiro too.

I also really like that they gave Minato’s mom a little more screen time and lines. I’d almost forgotten that she was voiced by Matsutani Kaya ‘cause she barely ever talks in the other two titles. But it would’ve been for naught if she hadn’t been put in her rightful place as a big influence in Minato’s life. Especially the bicycle scene. It’s kinda obvious that this one was both a metaphor for kyudo and for life.

That’s about it. There wasn’t much going on in this one. It feels like bait to rile up the fans for S2, because it was, to be very honest.

[shaaaaaaar]

i’ve been thinking recently about how wacky my science teachers have been for specifically my upper classman years (11th and 12th grade, because americans like to give funny names to high schoolers).

i took abnormal classes so it’s to be expected i suppose, forensics and anatomy. but both of my teachers have been absolute trips.

in forensics we were taught by this nice old man called tom. he was the teacher for that year only because he was subbing in for someone and the school decided to let him teach the whole year. has a background as i believe an officer (but i could be wrong) and taught forensics in college. he was semi-retired when he taught us.

but what’s most important is everything else. he had a sense of humor that was basically just fucking with the class and dad jokes. you could tell he had several kids. tom had a complete and utter disregard for the rules and when we did have interactive and engaging lessons they were the experience ever

it was an in-person class but with heavy covid restrictions, to the point that we had a circle around the high school that we weren’t allowed to pass with the sole exception of if we needed to go to another building for lunch or for class. tom did not care. he took us outside of the circle several times for class and i can guarantee you he did not get permission from the school.

he also one time told us that if his class was first (as we used a block schedule) and we were late to school, we could sneak through the back entrance and he would not care.

at the end of the year he made a fake final exam just to mess with one kid; he told the entire class except for one personthat we were going to pretend to be doing a final that was never mentioned before. on the test the last question was “are you freaked out [kid’s name]”. the prank didn’t end up working out because the kid ended up being 30 minutes late to class and we all gave up but he was very proud of himself for the idea

we went around the parking lot treating it like a crime scene we were studying. we also did this in the elementary school playground. following the playground crime scene we made a slideshow of the evidence we found where we claimed tom was a murderer and we never dropped the joke.

we had an entire class period where we played with fake blood to make blood splatters.

he poured everyone a dixie cup of gatorade for a lab and right before we drank it deviated to teach us that we shouldnt drink from drinks already opened even when we know who is giving it to us which is an important lesson i still havent forgotten.

a kid mentioned hating escalators and he went on about how she has every right to be afraid and the lesson became about escalators being terrifying.

we planned to do a mock trial in the second half of the year which we never got to do and i’m still sad.

he drove a motorcycle to school on occasion and we found out after a class on crashes and how dangerous motorcycles can be and we were all deeply worried for him

he showed us pictures of his dog frequently and brought her in on the last day of class. after a class on a murder case he asked us to show oet pictures and acted like there was zero tonal whiplash in that transition

everyone loved tom. everyone speaks extremely fondly of tom even now.

but as a high school teacher he wasn’t the best. first quarter was fun, he would make engaging lessons that would often times be puzzles, take us out of the building to do more practical classes (again, without permission), talked about very interesting stuff and current events and how it tied into law. but then it eventually devolved into mostly lecturing without a slideshow in a way that made me unable to pay attention, so i’d just play tetris on my computer, talk to class, and at the end of the year literally play hollow knight in the back of the class.

it’s especially lame because when i could focus the class was genuinely extremely interesting, the material was cool with a cool teacher who was really passionate about this. and the hands-on stuff we did was amazing. it’s something i regret.

my anatomy class is the opposite in class structure, where the chaos comes entirely because of the material itself.

my teacher’s name is jamie, she teaches in the middle school but has a single anatomy and physiology class in the high school. she is a gymnast who got her degree in anatomy and you can TELL that she did, she is beyond passionate. you can also tell that she fought tooth and nail to be the one to teach this class.

it is awe-inspiring how easily we get off topic in this class and for how long we get off topic. jamie, again, is extremely passionate about this, and has talked several times about how excited she is that she can teach high schoolers and get to have more in-depth conversations about her passion.

we will end up wasting half of class talking about something that has nothing to do with the material we’re learning about because of a side comment. the class gets super into these conversations which doesn’t help.

what makes it better is that jamie has had a wild amount of injuries. she has had a tumor, lost her sense of smell, i think she fractured her skull, had her kid a month premature and went through a wild experience because of that, something will come up and she’ll mention some injury she got and it is terrifying. i think she finds me and my being in the course especially interesting because i’m planning on starting hrt and the process and effects is something she doesn’t know as much about.

anatomy is the most scuffed class i’ve ever taken too, it’s a weekly occurrence that something goes wrong. she’s a middle school teacher so she has to rush over from the middle school every day. this, along with high schooler dumbassery has led to several wild stories taking place, such as but not limited to

sending a class of 6th graders an email about a test on tissues that we were taking the next day, causing us to get the email at 3:30 in the morning and several 6th graders panickingly studying tissues

forgetting our tests in the middle school and having to print new tests out for the first 5 minutes of class

kids spilling barium on a white countertop and there being a student cleaning crew in the back of the classroom for 30 minutes (which was a sight to behold)

the teacher giving us a class activity to learn about anaerobic respiration where we did squats and squat jumps, underestimating the non-athletes in the class and leading to several kids having very sore legs for the next few days (which was really funny when we learned about DOMS and got asked if we ever experienced it)

her finding several middle schoolers running around the high school as she went to go teach our class. delaying the start of our class as she tried to deal with them

similar to tom, no matter what you think of the class everyone loves jamie and we all talk fondly of her as being “a great teacher in a class we get nothing done in”.

anyway, both of them have made me want to take an anatomy course and a forensics course of some kind in college, both of them for very different reasons but that boil down to my teachers making their respective class a wild collection of stories and memories that made me want to learn more.

[hxhhasmysoul]

I find it very interesting that in the jjk fandom you can talk bullshit about almost every character in jjk ( including yuuji??!! ) but the moment you say any fair criticism on Gojo satoru you get jumped on by his dickriders

Like u said gojo putting Gakuganji on charge is so stupid of him that doesn’t do anything

Gojo said in season 1 that the reason he wouldn’t kill off the higher ups was because they were just going to be replaced by same old bullshit and guess what that’s exactly what happened

Satoru was born of the gojo clan with six eyes and limitless he was born into the problem of that society

Some people can’t see past the idea of gojo being their all powerful god chad sigma alpha who slays pussy every day who can’t do wrong

And they keep shitting on sukuna

Gojo is meant to be not perfect because guess what he’s a human being like everyone else

it used to honestly feel some time ago that shitting on yuuji was some kind of rite of passage in the fandom, surely on reddit but here too. and like every week or two you will get "meta" about how yuuji isn't really a main character... and practically always thinly veiled yuuji bashing because it's mostly about how his boring and not solid arguments why the other character, usually megumi, would supposedly be the main character. and it's blatant because these people never even entertain the possibility of there being more than one main character. while i personally think yuuji is the main character and megumi is a secondary lead, together with maki actually, i think that people arguing 2 or 3 main characters would have a solid case. but this is never about that.

i really think gojou's flaws should come and bite him in the ass, they should've come already by him being weakened by his time in the prison realm and not strengthened by it.

him going back on his words regarding the elders is a fucking let down. that's one of the reasons he didn't need to be crowned the strongest because he's the one upholding that system, he was created for this very purpose. without gojou the kinds could easily get rid of gakuganji, disregard him completely.

both him and sukuna are personifications of the corrupt and twisted system. sukuna seems to have emerged organically in the heian period, he was overpowered and the system assimilated him as it's crowning jewel. and gojou was manufactured to take that role.

i honestly don't get it that people find pleasure in gojou's win when gojou emerges out of it without a scratch. when everything worked out for him, when he never was truly de-powered by the fight.

in the beginning i didn't give a shit about sukuna winning, like about what it'd mean for sukuna to win. i just wanted the fight to be over and gojou to be removed so the kids would get up off their asses and start doing stuff. but as the fight went on and he took damage, he was getting tired, not everything he did worked. you could see the fight get to him, slight cracks appear in his self image. how he politely ignore gojou's juvenile behaviour. i started to feel that he actually deserves the win a little. as a little treat for the effort he's putting in. i don't think this fight makes him super sympathetic or something, i don't think he was humbled properly. but on his side there was some investment and some sacrifice.

i get shitting on sukuna, he's an awful guy. but his fighting style and cunning are really fun. he's really good working with a lot of various techniques. him pulling so much out of megumi's technique is really quite spectacular. for me it's really about what he gets criticised for.

idk, a perfect overpowered character, that gojou appears to be in his fans' eyes, has zero appeal to me. but like these people should like what they like. it'd be just nice if i was allowed to enjoy my stuff without them them stomping all over the fandom.

[multapohja966]

There's something uncomfortable in young (20 and under) influencers at least in finnish reality. I feel very bad toward them. We've always had fame hungry amoral people in reality shows and I'm not that interested in judging them (especially since most of them have some past mental health etc issues which contribute to both their desperation to be seen and the nature of content they create. and often get exploited and played way more than they manage to exploit the fame structure itself), they've given some of the most iconic lines in all of tv history to me. But the difference between these older icons and the newer kids is the complete crumbling of the public/personal divide. With older celebs the private got exploited as well, tabloids seeking into personal lifes, personal exploitation of family and your own trauma etc. But there was a person outside the public persona, there was a private life and something they could fall back into that wasn't about the stardom. Old friends who weren't famous, previous life working a normal job (since social media and tv shows became a thing only when they were already young adults at least) to which stardom was an exiting contrast.

But with the newer kids, there is no personal or private anymore at all. There's no life outside of stardom since they all have started to gain fame so young. Before their first job or big life decision. They've grown with social media and many have nothing outside of their influencer fame. All their friends are content creators, all their relationships transactional. There really is no private persona anymore because you have no one to use it with. There's no private parts of you, all your hobbies are exploited for content, your job is the content. Everyone around you, everything around you, places content creation above all else, so naturally you do also.

Which leads to. Been watching temptation island finland for 5 years now, on and off and I haven't seen as much disregard for others before the newest two seasons which included younger social media influencers (rap artist and tiktok star). It's one of the most watched reality shows, or tv shows all together, in finland. While I've previously also had a problem with the way the show exploits young working class couples from smaller cities, (making them first go through horrible things (watching your partner cheat, degrade you, being away from home, for many of these people this happens for the first time in their life) live in front of the whole nation and then not giving them proper mental health or public image help nor stepping inbetween when the public attacks them if they're seen as "morally failing/bad person" due to the show.) ie. the show being too raw and real, it is harrowing to see someone use the show completely as a publicity stunt for themselves (most people are there for fame, but they still go along with the show/be somewhat themselves and make real friends. in the good and in the bad, that is the selling point of the show). especially since in both cases it sends the influencer's partner into what seems like genuine anguish, unlike almost any other breakdowns in the show before. (the influencers talk really cruelly about their partners and the rap artist made cheating into a whole career) there's this uncanniness in the way they act, never revealing anything about themselves yet talking all the time. Getting annoyed at genuine showcases of emotion from other people around them, uncomfortable or more so, existentially confused maybe?, with the way the others aren't playing the same game, inhabiting the same universe as them. it sucks to see, but i can't bring myself to blame them. they're kids. how are you supposed to learn humanity or trust if no one around you acts human or gives you a reason to trust them? the tiktok star's mom signed him and his partner to the show.

[myristicisms]

“ As okay as I can be, ” Actually Zack isn't sure, “ It's like... It always kinda comes to mind, how my body might suddenly just fail and start eating away at itself and it's terrifying but there's nothing I can do about it except hope I'm lucky enough to not destabilize or that I'm one of the few that won't have to worry about it at all. ” Turquoise eyes stare at Cloud apologetically, he wants so badly to try and comfort the blonde but he knows damn well it'll just result in his own resolve crumbling and turning into a mush of apologies and sobs.

“ I'm not going to argue about what I've been told and heard, you don't want to believe me then fine, that's your business and your problem; I know when people pay me no mind, love it when that happens, but when you have the mako eyes, people can tell what you were; Property. Nobody's came up to you asking about ShinRa before? You got the eyes of a SOLDIER too, I wouldn't be shocked if you've had a few people come up to tell you where the bear shits. ” Unless everything he's heard or seen had been hallucinations, either way Zack wasn't all too fond of being treated like he was insane nor overly judgemental for making observations.

“ Are you fucking kidding me right now? ” He damn near growls, scowl growing on his face quickly. “ So I get into ShinRa then what? You seriously think that after Genesis and Angeal's little uprising they haven't taken necessary precautions in case of a rogue SOLDIER showing up wanting to cause problems? I get recognized and suddenly I'm gonna be swarmed by other SOLDIERs, by Turks and troopers; Just because I took on that platoon and lived doesn't mean I can do it again, I'm still recovering but apparently I'll be fine according to you. If I help you guys out then you better count on the likelihood of never seeing me again just so I can help out a few people for maybe a week before ShinRa's right back to what they do best. ”

Zack's already tired of the conversation, it feels like they're talking in circles and he feels like his feelings simply don't matter, his own autonomy feels like it's being completely disregarded simply because he's strong enough to do something or another even though he doesn't have the means or desire to join this fight. “ How do I see you Cloud? Go on and tell me so that maybe I can understand what the hell is going through your head whenever I try to express anything to you at all. I make my assumptions based on shit you've said to me so either I'm just fucking stupid and can't read between the lines or you have no clue what impacts you have on me with the things you say. ”

“ And I'm not! I open up to you about the ways I'm feeling, the things that have happened to me and it gets thrown in my face! It is my baggage and when I share it, I'm not expecting you to unload it for me when I'm capable of doing it myself. I shared those things with you because I wanted to open up, lovers are supposed to be open with each other aren't they? But fine! I'll keep it to myself from now on. ”

A huff, nostrils flaring for a moment as Zack runs a shaking hand through raven hair to soothe himself and he wants to scream; Instead though he just chokes on a bubbling sob and simply shakes his head. “ You think I'm a stain huh? When you say things like that, it makes me wish I hadn't made it out of the wastelands because at least you would have only had to deal with a heartache once. I love you with all of my heart Cloud, everything I've done up until now since we dealt with the bullshit in Nibelheim has been for you. Maybe I need some time away to think about us, fully get my shit together but I'm not going to just abandon you like that. I told you I wouldn't leave until you tell me to go away, but this? This has to stop, I'm not going to sit here and be told what I need to do for the greater good of everyone else; What about me Cloud? What about my happiness and my safety? Maybe I'm being selfish to ask but it feels like you're not listening to my feelings, to what I'm trying to communicate to you. ”

And that was just something Zack couldn't deal with properly, he tries so hard to communicate but it feels like he's speaking on mute when he does. His own feelings don't matter, his autonomy isn't actually his and being told what he needs to do only reminds him of his days back in ShinRa, back when he was someone's property, their toy to be used for whatever the president damn well pleased.

@strifesoldier || Cloud Strife says;;

" You shouldn't have seen that. "

The 'that' in question isn't even something he can fully wrap his mind around to begin with; Sure Zack knew Cloud and his group of friends were... Eccentric to a degree but there's a line where eccentricity ends and falters to deranged to some degree and that's what his confused brain managed to settle on. He knows he can't make choices for other people, if he could then half the hardships he'd endured in his life would have been nothing more than whispers to the wind known only by whoever the hell decided that perhaps those woes needed to be settled upon Zack. What he can do is try to fight the lingering disappointment that had settled upon his features. “ What? That you're part of AVALANCHE? ” He remarks almost sarcastically.

“ Y'know, the whole point of breaking from the lab was to escape ShinRa, ” He continues, and it's mortifying how he'd seemingly picked up Angeal's habit of lecturing many years past the man's death. “ Which also includes not joining an organization that can't seem to stay the hell out of ShinRa, even if it's for ‘ teaching them a lesson ' or whatever it is they do. ” Even worse a feeling is knowing that the bubbling ire he was feeling had nothing to do with Cloud being in AVALANCHE and everything to do with the ever present fear of their freedom being stripped away from them again, of Cloud being taken back by ShinRa and Hojo.

He'd willingly put his life on the line to prevent that happening once and as is, he'd do it again; Though that doesn't mean he'd be all too appreciative of that fact and that thought only bunches dark eyebrows together in further frustration. He's so selfish, naïve to a fault too and this damned hero complex really is gonna get Zack killed some day. ( Though is that really a bad thing? Yeah, I guess. ) The raven haired man recognizes the fact that Cloud doesn't need a hero, doesn't need Zack of all people to hound him for his choices.

“ Clearly it's none of my business though seeing as I'm not supposed to know anything. ” And that's what hurt the most in this little predicament; Secrets being kept, then again what reason would Cloud have to share that with Zack? As far as the blonde knew, Zack was just a mercenary nowadays but that's even more reason for him to be trustworthy outside of the obvious past the two shared and that's something he can't quite understand either. “ I'll leave you to your eco terrorism, not my problem and I won't make it my problem. ”

[broken-clover]

Since you're doing prompts, once you rest a little how's about Baiken comforting Delilah after an anxiety attack or a nightmare or something like that? Just Baiken hugging her tightly and internally panicking because Oh God How Do You Parent In This Situation

Alright, so this took far goddamn longer than it had any right to, but I got it! I really appreciate your patience, it's not often I scrap and completely redo a whole fic, but I guess Baiken's just that powerful. I just hope it was worth the wait!

For safety's sake, content warning for some mild blood and panic attacks

-

"Baiken!”

This was not the first time Anji had woken her up like this- that was, way before the ass-crack of dawn and screaming loud enough to wake the devil- and, needless to say, she was just as enthusiastic about it this time than she had been the last time. Actually, moreso, because she knew there was a very good chance that this was going to be some petty shit that absolutely could have waited until morning.

She rolled back over in bed. Anji could handle this by himself. And in the small probability he couldn’t, he could wait until the sun was up.

“Baiken!” Anji shouted again, and went ignored again. “Augh, c’mon! I dunno what to do here!”

Pulling the sheets over her head didn’t muffle it much. Anji just kept shouting. Damn it, was she really going to cave just because he kept whining? Was she really that impatient?

“Baiken- !”

The samurai was up and out of bed within ten seconds, and despised each and every one of them. She slung the harness of her prosthetic over her shoulder, in case this was a job that needed something smashed up. Sonuvabitch better have been grateful, whatever broken glass or splinter or wild animal in the tent or whatever he’d gotten himself into must have been damn important to justify this bullshit.

“Fuck’s sake-” She growled under her breath, pushing away the tent divider that sectioned off her room. “Alright, Anji, you win. I’ll bite. What the hell are you screaming about?”

This time, Anji said nothing. Actually, he wasn’t even in his room. Where the hell had he gone?

Baiken groaned. “Go to all this trouble to get my ass out of bed, then you fuckin’ vanish? You’re asking me to kick your ass now.”

If he hadn’t come into her side of the tent, then he must have gone out the other side. The second flap was yanked back even harsher than the first, and it was a wonder she didn’t tear the fabric in two. For the most part, the only reason she didn’t was from something wet staining it, enough so that the material was slick and slipped out of her fingers with enough force.

She wiped her hand off on her sleeve. “Can’t even keep his own goddamn tent clean, grown-ass idiot still acts like a teenage-”

There was a dark smear on her clothes now. The stain on the tent was dark, as well. Though it was hard to see in the dark, when she sniffed her hand, there was a clear coppery stench.

Baiken was far past the point where the sight and scent of blood made her recoil and scream, but she didn’t disregard it. Shrill screaming, and bloodstains on the tent. Anji nowhere to be found. This wasn’t something where she could just turn around and go back to bed.

First things first, take stock. Was everyone else safe? Anyone else missing? Anji wouldn’t just pull something like this for a joke. Trickster or not, he knew enough not to go too far with it. If only because he knew she’d cut him in half for it after the fact. The blood had come from somewhere, and it was something serious enough that Anji would be shouting over it. She had that much to go on.

At the thought of danger, her first instinct was to check on Delilah. Sure, the kid had magic, but she was still a kid. Baiken didn’t want her at risk. Once she was sure Delilah was okay, she could worry about Anji.

On the way to her tent, she spotted another smear of blood on the grass. It was small, but it was enough to give her pause. That wasn’t…it wasn’t Delilah’s, was it? It had to be Anji’s? Wasn’t that the most rational answer?

She didn’t have much time to dwell on it. Somewhere nearby, in the direction of Delilah’s bed, she could make out a sound somewhere between a wet hiccup and a retch. It had Baiken running at full speed almost immediately. “Delilah?!”

“Wh- Baiken!” Not the kid’s voice, but Anji’s, and thank fuck for that. Only so many crises to be dealt with at once. But…well, crisis did feel like a good descriptor. As soon as she barged in, she saw her old friend as fine and normal as ever, but Delilah was an absolute mess, barely breathing through the shoulder-shaking sobs. Her face and the front of her clothes were doused in blood, which Anji was desperately trying to staunch with a fistful of gauze.

“What the hell happened to her?” Baiken practically snarled, ready to maul whoever was responsible. “Who did this?!”

“Baiken- Baiken, easy, hold it.” Anji threw up an arm to placate her, keeping the other to continue mopping up the blood. “It’s just a bloody nose- a really bad one, but she’s not hurt.”

The samurai was quiet for a moment. Upon second glance, it was easy to see that there weren’t any cuts or scrapes. But Delilah was still inconsolable.

As much as she didn’t want to come across as judgemental, it still bled through. “Jeez, kid, you’re this torn up about a bloody nose? It doesn’t last long, and the stains come out. No need to get worked up about it.”

Her words weren’t helpful. Anji shot her a frustrated look before Delilah fell into another round of wails. She tried to take a breath in but choked on it, coughing and wheezing until Anji gave her a few thumps on the back.

“Come on, talk to me.” He said. “What do you need?”

“Did she wake you up?” Asked Baiken.

“Came to my tent. Couldn’t get a word out, but between the crying and all the blood on her, wasn’t exactly hard to tell something was up, but…”

But he couldn’t figure out what it was. The rest of it was plain to see.

Why was he looking at her? Did he want her to apologize? What exactly did he…oh…oh no…

“You know I’m shit at this,” Baiken said, just loud enough for Anji to hear.

He nodded. “But you’re better at it than me.”

Well, that was just a bald-faced lie. If anyone was good at making people feel good, it was Anji. Granted, that was usually just to butter them up enough to shmooze out a favor, or to get someone’s confidence up before whipping out some dug-up secret juicy enough to extort them. Anji was practically the king of pretty words. What he thought she could possibly do better, she was at a total loss.

Still, she knew he’d just be persistent if she didn’t step in. Baiken found a spot on the other side of the bed and perched near the edge. Delilah immediately swiveled in her direction, looking up with big, wet eyes.

“S-s-s-”

“Worry about breathing before you try saying anything. D’ya feel dizzy? Don’t talk, just gimme a nod or a shake.”

Delilah nodded. “‘Kay, put your head a little lower, closer to your knees. Might feel a little tighter, but it’ll help the blood flow back up. Should help with the bleeding, too.”

Anji helped her down, pinching the gauze over her nose all the while. He sent Baiken an uncertain look, but she remained unshaken.

“Good. Keep doing that. Don’t forget about breathing. Nothing wrong with your chest, y’ didn’t break anything, it just feels tight ‘cause you’re panicking. Give it a minute.”

The tent fell quiet, aside from Delilah’s harsh breaths. Baiken let her attention go elsewhere for a moment, eye skimming over the messy bed and the little shelf nearby. From the latter, she swiped a long, thin piece of rope.

When the breathing started smoothing around the edges, Baiken slid in a little closer. “Surprised you’ve still got this thing. Guess it means you like it, huh? Here. This help?”

Without a word, or a nod, or any kind of acknowledgment, Delilah took the frayed rope and wound it around her fingers. She thumbed over the strands, tugging every so often in a pattern that only existed in her mind. Whatever it was, it worked well enough. Though she was audibly hoarse, she at least managed a sigh in between staccato breaths.

“There, see? You ain’t dying. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Baiken!” Anji said, with horror in his eyes.

Despite that, there was a little sniffly giggle in between them. Delilah wiped one red eye with the heel of her hand, while the other continued to tangle the rope. She sat back up, clearly shaken, but stable for now.

“Hey, you still bleeding?” Anji pulled the gauze away. “Ah, looks like it’s finally clotted. I’ll go grab something you can wipe your face with.”

It was obvious this was another ploy of his, but Baiken just sighed and went along with it. She watched Delilah pull her legs to where Anji had been sitting and curled up at Baiken’s side.

She didn’t say anything at first. She didn’t know what to say. Polite niceties, like Anji’s? Sure, her usual brusqueness had done the job in the past, for the most part, but Delilah had been angry then, not crying her eyes out. Completely different situations.

A thought struck her. “So what’s got you up this late? Bad dream?”

The girl at her side nodded. “Mmhm.”

“It the freaky kind, or the bad-memory kind?”

That earned her another little laugh. “The- the last one. If it was just something weird, I wouldn’t be crying. I’m not a little kid.” Her voice turned brittle again. “Do you still get nightmares? About old stuff?”

“Sometimes.”

“You don’t cry, though.”

“I mean, it ain’t real.”

Delilah paused in thought, winding the rope so tightly around her thumb that it started turning red. “It still feels real.”

“Huh. That bad.” Something was amiss here, even beyond the oddity of the evening, but Baiken wasn’t sure what. “Y’know, I’ve never seen a nightmare bad enough that it gave someone a nosebleed.”

She felt Delilah flinch, but didn’t comment on it. She didn’t even look down.

“It…” The girl swallowed. “It wasn’t all that bad.”

“Y’ can’t say that after waking me up like this. C’mon, if it ain’t that, then what is it?”

More silence. “Mattie always made the nightmares go away…” She hiccuped. “He had a song…I don’t remember it. He’d sing it when I had nightmares. I woke up, and when I realized he wasn’t coming, I tried to sing it to myself to calm down, and- and I couldn’t remember how any of the words went, and when I went to go out and get more air outside I hit my head on the pole- ”

“Okay, okay, slow down, don’t set yourself off again.” This was exactly the sort of thing Baiken knew she wasn’t good at, and all she could think to do was let her hand rest on Delilah’s shoulder and try not to let her lack of confidence show.

“Do you…did you have any siblings?”

“Nah. I was more than enough trouble on my own.”

“For your parents, you mean? What were their names?”

For a moment, Baiken debated whether or not to answer. And when she decided, the memories came up weathered and rusty, like an old ship at the bottom of the sea.

“Ryuko and Kimura.”

Something about the way Delilah’s lower lip curled felt like an attack before she could even say anything. “That took you a while. Did you forget?”

This was veering into a territory that Baiken was very much not happy to be in. She tried to rein in the way her mind was urging her to lash out in response. “Some days are fuzzier.”

Though her face didn’t wrench up and her eyes didn’t start to run again, something about Delilah’s face was devastated by that.

“What about it?”

“You and him moved on.” Baiken assumed ‘him’ was Anji. “And the two of us were supposed to move on.”

She wasn’t quite following Delilah’s train of thought. “Yeah. And?”

The girl shook her head. “You moved on. You forgot. Is that how it gets better?”

Baiken couldn’t think of anything else than to shrug. “Maybe.”

“Then I’m a lost cause.”

“...Alright, wherever the fuck you think you’re going with this, I’m not letting it get any further, get it?” And just like that, it set something off. Familiar anger, maybe not with Delilah herself but with whatever sentiment this was supposed to be. How strange it was, when she thought about it, how little ago would she have just heard something like that and not given a shit? She wasn’t a person made for philosophical debates, how the hell had she ended up here, in a tent comforting a child over her personal problems?

There was no anger in Delilah’s eyes, not even any sadness. Just resignation. “Mattie was my whole world. I can’t forget him. I can’t be like you. I can’t do what I promised you.”

The tightly-wound rope had been on so long that it was turning the girl’s fingers purple and cold. Baiken reached over and untangled it.

“Okay, so what did that promise have anything to do with any of this?”

There was a little high-pitched sound, almost a question, but not a word.

“It was vengeance.” Replied Baiken. “Just vengeance. That’s it. All there was to it.”

“But…” Despite the interjection, Delilah made it obvious she had no real refutation.

“You’re not planning on changing your mind and blowing someone’s head off, right?”

“I-I- no, but-”

“But nothing, then. Look,” the samurai moved her hand to rub at her temples. “I’m not good at this shit. So I’m just gonna hope I can get this across without being here all night. I don’t want you to be like me. I don’t want anyone to be like me, but especially not you. However I feel about my home, or my family, or whatever- that has nothing to you. You can hold onto whatever you gotta keep.”

Delilah shifted in place. “So, like a crutch. You want me to use it like a crutch, until I can get over it.”

“Fuck, kid, no, that ain’t it at all. It’s…” Baiken tried to ward off the headache that was brewing, from a combination of frustration and sleep deprivation. “Listen. Don’t tell Anji I said this, but y’know why he’s so into fans? The whole dancing shtick he just won’t ever fucking drop? It reminds him of home. He collects the damn things- most of ‘em are just normal fans, he’s not suicidally overconfident enough to steal every magic fan he could get his paws on, but all of ‘em are Japanese crafts. Most of ‘em worth a damn fortune, he could sell the things and live off of that forever, but that’s how he copes. Dancing around and collecting fucking fans. Keeping mementos of a place that’s a fucking hole in the ocean now. Been at it a hundred years, you think he’s gonna get over it anytime soon?”

She only realized in hindsight how intense her words had come out. But Delilah wasn’t teary-eyed again- if anything, she was more at ease than she had been the whole time before.

Baiken put her hand back on her shoulder. “Everyone gets by somehow. If it’s collecting fans, fine. If it’s holding onto the good memories of your brother, fine. Life’s a fucking shitshow, so you keep what you need to put up with it. As long as you’re not blowing up heads, you don’t gotta justify anything. Got it?”

It took a few seconds, but she finally got a quiet little ‘okay’ murmured into her ribs. While she wasn’t one for hugs, even ignoring the one arm, Baiken gave her the closest thing she was willing, a little squeeze with her arm still around Delilah.

Anji, conveniently- too conveniently, as always- just so happened to come bustling back in with a wet rag.

“Goodness, that took way too long! So sorry for the wait, Delilah, you must be going crazy by now.” He knelt down and started dabbing at the line of her jaw, still spotted with rusty flakes. “Here, I’ll get it. Can you turn your head a little? I know this has gotta be driving you up the wall.”

“...Actually, I forgot about it.” When she moved to sit up, something about the girl’s posture was like a ragdoll, unable to properly support itself without drooping over. “There’s not much, is there? I wanna go to sleep…”

“Wh- all that effort spent looking around, and for what!” Anji said, in a voice that was so cartoonishly overwrought that it almost looped back into seriousness. “Well, if you’re so insistent, then perhaps I should just go back to bed, myself!”

“If it means you’ll shut your goddamn trap, then great.” Baiken gave Delilah’s hair a fatherly ruffle and Anji’s a warning smack. “Think you’ll be okay, kid? Need me to stick around?”

Delilah shook her head sluggishly. “Nnnh. Thanks, big sis. Sorry.”

“Don’t.” She replied with an offhand shrug. “Guess it’s good to keep me on my toes. Vengeance or not, I sure as fuck don’t want to get rusty.”

Anji eyed her oddly. “Rusty? Ah, and every time I think you’ve started to soften, Baiken…”

“Listen, Anji, there’s being ‘soft,’ and then there’s being fucking domestic.”

“Well, for as much as you say that,” he paused, just long enough to be annoying, “you seem quite the natural.”

On any other day, she would have decked him so hard that his nose would have fused to the back of his skull, but for now, she just clocked him over the head again. “Don’t push it, Anji.”

[shihalyfie]

A meta and analysis on Takaishi Takeru

Of all of the Tokyo Chosen Children, Takeru is lucky enough to get significant attention for two full series from beginning to end, and his character also goes through some drastic changes in the process, especially through Adventure and 02. There’s so much going on with him that it makes it hard to give a short answer to the question “what is Takeru like?” because there’s so much you could say about him at so many different times.

Fortunately, that’s what we’re here to talk about today!

Takeru in Adventure

At first glance, Takeru seems to be the “tagalong kid” -- the obligatory “little kid character” you have whenever you have a party in a fantasy story. Generally, these “obligatory kid characters” are the kind constantly struggling to catch up with the older ones. Adventure being a series that loves to play with tropes and expectations, though, very quickly says no to that.

Seki: ...We also mixed up the children’s ages, for a bit of variety. Kakudou: The oldest one would be the most unreliable, and the smartest one would be one of the third youngest. Just a little to throw you off the usual, conventional track. Seki: The youngest one would feel too much like a burden to everyone else, and conversely would actually have himself together.

Takeru “doesn’t want to be a burden” -- meaning his feelings on this issue are actually rather much like Hikari’s. Unlike Hikari, though, Takeru reacts to this compulsion differently -- instead of simply repressing things and pretending the problem doesn’t exist, Takeru’s reaction to his own negative feelings is to “have himself together” and act as if he’s got everything under control.

Or, more accurately, pretend he has it together and has everything under control.

Takeru, for all intents and purposes, was not supposed to be on the camping trip the others were on, not having gone to everyone’s school -- he had to get special permission to go. Takeru’s family is very, very split harshly at this time, with his mother not even able to treat Yamato comfortably. Yamato deals with the familial estrangement badly -- alternating between approaching everyone awkwardly and exploding like an emotional fuse bomb -- but Takeru tries to take it as a sign  that he needs to be “responsible”. A lot of his actions in Adventure are him basically exuding this aura of “I can take care of myself!”, and in fact he works very hard to “assert” himself as if he were yet another peer. We even see him make the complaint directly in Adventure episode 43 -- while he is correct in calling out Yamato for coddling him and him only while recklessly disregarding the others, the fact he specifically complains about Yamato approaching him as someone holding them back if he’s not protected reveals a lot about his own mentality regarding the situation.

One of his first major scenes in episode 2 is him offering his own food for the pile of supplies everyone has, even though it’s just snacks. Which is, probably, a pretty accurate summary of Takeru’s character at this point: on the surface he’s responsible, well-behaved, and capable...but, in fact, he’s still about as immature as an average eight-year-old child would predictably be.

Yamato spends his Adventure character arc pretty openly angsting about his relationship to Takeru and how his family’s split has affected them, but throughout the entirety of Adventure (and, eventually, 02 as well), not only does Takeru rarely if ever touch on it, there are indications that Takeru deliberately tries to dodge the subject or not dwell on it too much. In Adventure episode 12, he actually outright lies to Patamon about his younger childhood memories, claiming he “probably doesn’t remember” anything about it despite the audience very clearly being shown that he very much did, and in episode 26 he comes very close to leaking his actual feelings about the group being separated being tied to what happened to his family, before quickly covering it up and trying to move on with the topic.

In other words, unlike Hikari, who knows exactly what she’s feeling but is compulsively unable to vocalize them, Takeru actively suppresses his negative feelings and tries not to dwell on them too much. Again, this comes from his desire to “not be a burden” on others -- he’s got this situation under control! Everything is fine!

And this has a very, very nasty payoff. While Yamato clearly deals with his emotional issues badly, tending to get very explosive about it, Takeru’s way of coping isn’t actually all that much better in the long run, because Yamato’s frustration and openness about his emotions at least lead him to being very straightforward about his feelings, incredibly self-aware and sometimes even self-conscious, and ultimately able to get at least some degree of catharsis from the situation. Takeru...not so much.

Takeru is a child, no matter how much he tries not to act like one, and it ultimately results in him reacting disastrously whenever something hits him too emotionally hard -- which results in Takeru suddenly becoming irrationally stubborn and even angry. We later see what it takes to actually break through Takeru’s facade of “totally having this together” in Adventure episode 22, which is also the first time he openly breaks down wailing in front of anyone besides Patamon -- and it’s, of course, when PicoDevimon convinces him that Yamato hates him. The interesting part is that this is so blatantly a lie that even Tokomon is able to quickly call bullshit on it, but Takeru, previously having worked so hard to maintain this facade of being responsible, falls for it completely with utter irrationality -- and it really does suggest that Takeru’s fear of losing yet another member of his family, and being a burden to Yamato, runs so deep that it causes that entire facade to shatter in one blow.

Which is where the problem lies: Takeru’s habit of suppression is so bad that once one of his triggers is hit, he completely loses all sense of rationality and blows up, and it becomes nearly impossible to reason with him because he locks down on becoming stubborn. It’s also dangerous because even he isn’t particularly self-aware of what he’s doing when he blows up like this; at least Hikari was very consciously aware of her suppression problem, but Takeru never really seems to have any awareness of the fact that his covering up of his feelings is directly related to some of his worst moments. We see it cause problems between him and Patamon again in Adventure episode 33, when Patamon asks a rather innocuous question about the brothers, and it hits Takeru’s trigger so badly that he snaps at him, resulting in the fight that kicks off the plot of the episode.

Adventure episode 52 is basically a major test for Takeru as to whether he really can hold himself together in a situation where everyone else older than him is gone, and “having himself together” is something he has to actually do instead of just have the surface facade of. He does, ultimately, pass, and this is why the Crest of Hope glows this episode -- but it’s also made clear that it wasn’t quite as easy for him as he would normally pretend it is. Of course, it also helps that Piemon is genuinely the scariest threat they’d faced during that time, but it also reveals that, yeah, ultimately, Takeru is an eight-year-old child who still has to struggle to put on a brave face so that Hikari doesn’t get impacted by his own fear.

For all it’s worth, although we get a ton of depth into his background and mentality, Takeru does not actually change that much as a character over the course of Adventure. This incident is probably what changes him the most in terms of him gaining a more solid core, and he also learns to accept the inevitability of fighting after his stubborn refusal to engage in it all the way back in Adventure episode 12 -- but for the most part he still does remain a bit naive about the world at large, and, more importantly, his issue with trying to cover up his problems with a confident smile never really gets addressed. At most, he’s willing to admit his grief over being separated from Patamon in Adventure episode 54, but even that is something Takeru tries to bounce back from quickly, much like with the first time he cried with Patamon in Adventure episode 12. But there’s nothing to indicate that his problem with emotional management isn’t going to continue being a problem from here on out if left unchecked.

That problem ends up taking another three more years to get addressed.

Takeru in 02

Takeru is one of the first people we meet in 02 (for reasons that end up revealed in the final episode), and right off the bat we learn that he’s a bit...evasive. He leaves a cryptic line to Daisuke about his goggles without coming even close to what we all know is the full extent of what’s on his mind (that the goggles specifically remind him of someone important to him), and later just...deflects Daisuke throwing accusations at him with a mild dismissal. In fact, even though Takeru pretty clearly understands very quickly what’s going on with Daisuke and how touchy he gets with the Hikari issue, he keeps dodging the question and constantly saying things that are evasive about it and therefore never truly helps his case until episode 17, when the circumstances between why Hikari and Takeru knew each other are finally properly clarified to Daisuke and he stops getting on their case about it on his own.

There were multiple points in time before this -- especially in episode 7, when Daisuke is practically at his worst in regards to approaching Takeru -- when Takeru could have easily said something to at least attempt to get Daisuke to stop bothering him, but Takeru never even asks him to cut it out! He simply continues to handle everything with a “yeah, okay, sure! :)” attitude, which of course confuses Daisuke (who’s rather allergic to people not being straightforward) rather thoroughly, and you wonder if he’s practically enjoying seeing Daisuke’s antics to the point he’s just enabling it further.

As a point of aside trivia, the official 02 website adds the fun detail that apparently he's popular with the girls at school but doesn't show much interest in them himself, and the Animedia audio commentary CD for Armor Evolution to the Unknown had his voice actor even express the opinion that he saw Takeru as someone who wasn’t really the type to think about romance at this age (adding in a separate interview for the 02 DVDs that he felt Takeru was respectful of girls primarily due to having been taught by his single mother to be such). The latter part of course isn’t something that comes from the writing, but given the website trivia I’m inclined to personally agree with it -- and, more importantly, the implication is that Takeru is at least aware of these kinds of things, but actively chooses to not think about it and deal with it when the time comes.

So in other words: That part about how Takeru actively suppresses things that are negative or inconvenient to think about, all for the sake of keeping a smile plastered on his face? Yup, still there.

In fact, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment from 02 episode 17 implies heavily that, even with their parents having developed a more cordial relationship after the events of Adventure, Takeru is now emotionally dealing with the aftermath of his parents’ divorce worse than Yamato is, since Yamato is at least able to speak about it casually and even joke about it openly, whereas Takeru keeps his mouth shut and the framing of the shot heavily implies he’s still extremely sensitive and unable to vocalize his feelings on it. Takeru never brings this up as something eating away at him for the entire series -- but BelialVamdemon uses it against him in episode 49, revealing that, yes, this is a problem that’s still tearing away at him, and yet he’s refusing to be open to anyone about it, even to Yamato himself. (Especially since, again, Yamato seems to be doing a great job trying to move forward; why kill his mood and thus be a “burden” to him?)

Even so, Takeru is very different in 02 partially because his circumstances are completely different. Adventure had him as the youngest in a group of older kids, so in terms of “being a responsible child”, that naturally meant being deferential and polite to everyone due to standards of propriety. 02 is where we learn a lot more about how Takeru interacts with peers his own age and people who are outright younger than him, when he has a bit more leeway to be more assertive.

On top of that, back in Adventure, Takeru was a young child who had a very small “range of periphery” -- as a young child still rather naive about the world, his emotional investment in things primarily pertained to loved ones and the people around him. But now that he’s a bit older, he’s gained a certain degree of strong feelings about “what’s the right thing to do”, and now has very strong opinions on it.

These things ultimately manifest in, unfortunately, Takeru losing his composure much more often than he did in Adventure, and for reasons that pertain to much wider things than just his brother. Still not having recovered from the trauma of losing Patamon back in Adventure episode 13, Takeru starts physically fighting Daisuke in 02 episode 11 because he perceives Daisuke as not doing enough to prevent Patamon from potentially becoming a slave to the Kaiser, and in 02 episode 13 he lashes out at Hikari in frustration about her refusal to do anything about her situation (which he of course ends up deeply regretting later in the episode).

Takeru’s infamous scene of suddenly switching modes on the Kaiser and punching him out in 02 episode 19 is basically the pinnacle of this -- because, yes, the Kaiser really did deserve it, but this really is not a good thing for Takeru either. This is Takeru getting the closest we ever see him to being a genuine sadist, and it’s basically everything to do with his emotional stuntedness coming out at once -- blowing up in anger out of nowhere with a passive-aggressive demeanor, succumbing to the weight of his trauma in the worst way possible, and mixing the ^^ front he puts on with his tendency to blow up angrily at anything that cuts him a little too emotionally close.

And for the first time, we see someone actually acknowledge how bad this is. Iori, one of the most consciously perceptive of the group, witnesses, for himself, the sheer jarringness of Takeru seeming to only really have two modes between “all smiles” and “unreasonably angry”. Sure, Takeru had shown a penchant for getting active as soon as there was something he needed to protect, but the moment it got personal, Takeru suddenly blew up in front of his eyes and almost turned into a completely different person. (Perhaps he’s not that different from Yamato after all...)

This is a very important moment because it sets up the base for what ultimately becomes the Jogress arc between Iori and Takeru. Daisuke ended up reaching out to Ken because Ken was someone who needed someone to accept him and teach him to move forward instead of drowning in the past; Miyako ended up reaching out to Hikari because Hikari knew herself to have a suppression problem but had difficulty doing anything about it, so the extremely in-your-face and aggressive Miyako could go in deep. But with Takeru, since his personality is genuinely volatile, and because Takeru goes out of his way to hide the fact he’s having emotional problems, personalities like Daisuke and Miyako wouldn’t help much because they’re too straightforward for someone like this who’s a bit unpredictable -- whereas Iori, who’s assertive but also methodical and thinks through everything consciously, is eventually much better able to reach out to him.

Once the relevant arc kicks in, in 02 episode 34, Iori continues to observe Takeru, and quietly notes the many “contradictions” in Takeru’s behavior -- since, after all, Takeru starts to sometimes violate what you’d think would be common sense whenever he gets too emotionally compromised. The fact that ostensibly one of the outwardly “nicest” kids in this group suddenly blows up in certain circumstances and basically goes “absolutely nope, needs to be killed!” in the midst of a few moral debates over killing sentient Digimon disturbs him deeply, and really, it’s not even about the killing part (after all, it’s later established in 02 episode 43 and after that Takeru and Hikari have a certain degree of acceptance of the inevitability that the others don’t) as much as Takeru’s being pretty gung-ho about it. Not “I don’t like it, but we have to” like he said earlier, but NOPE, GOTTA DO IT.

Iori refers directly to the duality of Takeru that he doesn’t quite understand multiple times in this episode (including in regards to the incident back in 02 episode 19), and it continues to torment him until the end, when Takeru only gives a very cryptic “clarification” that he doesn’t necessarily hate the darkness per se.

Iori, too intimidated to ask Takeru about it directly, goes to ask Yamato in 02 episode 35, and Yamato finally clarifies the background that we as the audience knew but Iori didn't: the story behind Takeru's trauma regarding the loss of Angemon back in Adventure episode 13. Yamato also makes a conjecture about why Takeru has been acting so ambivalent towards Ken -- you'd think he'd still be under Takeru's scorn after the events of 02 episode 19, but in fact Takeru's judgment of him in episode 25 was simply that he was certain something had changed, yet he couldn't tell what he was thinking (really rich coming from someone who refuses to tell anyone else what he's thinking himself!). Yamato guesses that Takeru is inclined to be a bit more forgiving of Ken due to understanding the feeling of losing a partner -- and the ultimate conclusion here is, basically, that Takeru's behavior is contradictory because he's acting based on what's personal to him, not necessarily via principles that make sense. After all, back in Adventure, it was clearly demonstrated that Takeru isn’t exactly rational when things hit too close to home.

The other important thing that happens this episode is that Takeru learns that Iori is actively trying to reach out to him, when Yamato drops him a line informing him that Iori asked. Despite complaining that Iori could have just asked him directly, after Takeru witnesses the face-off between Iori and BlackWarGreymon and a demonstration that Iori is clearly trying his best to make sense out of this entire mess, Takeru actively reaches out to Iori and says something to comfort him -- “a life is beautiful simply by existing.” It’s still cryptic as hell, but it’s not something he would have said in the midst of his anger in prior episodes.

It would be one thing if it were simply that by itself, but the following episodes further push the idea that Takeru really is starting to change after witnessing all of this. 02 episode 36 has him explicitly acknowledge what Iori’s been doing this whole time in trying to understand him for the sake of their Jogress, and, finally, during their meal later that episode, he says, very openly and honestly, that he thinks they’ll be able to do it now. After two instances of Jogress, these kids are very aware of what that entails -- so this is basically Takeru consciously acknowledging to Iori “yes, I understand that you’re trying to reach out to me, and I accept it and want to understand you.” Because Takeru is such a convoluted sort of person, this “understanding” ended up being something that didn’t span a single magical moment as much as it took several episodes and a diplomatic, conscious affirmation on both ends -- but it’s a fitting way to go for someone who had always indicated some pretty poor conscious awareness of where his feelings were taking him.

This is especially because, in 02 episode 37, his statements to comfort Ken are in pretty significant opposition to the sort of anger he’d displayed in earlier episodes, and are now a more pragmatic view of the issue in light of Iori’s efforts and everything he’d just witnessed with BlackWarGreymon -- and to drive the point home, the episode has, at the very end of it, Takeru making his first true explicit show of goodwill towards Ken after having been a bit touchy with him for so many episodes.

Iori himself, being the youngest of the 02 group, still has a lot to learn, and so Takeru, who had previously been one of the youngest in the Adventure group himself, now has his role inverted to effectively be a guiding mentor to Iori as he finds his own way. Basically, Takeru becomes responsible for the welfare of this young child, and so his way of treating Iori is markedly different from the more detached and playful way he would treat others from here on out. This is especially because, earlier, Yamato had informed him that Iori had taken a very roundabout way to help understand him better, and so Takeru probably understands that he scared the hell out of Iori earlier and needs to do better. While the Takeru of 02 episodes 38-50 still has a way of being playful, and while he still isn’t completely straightforward about his intentions, he is definitely much better about being open with the others, especially Iori, instead of doubling down on his “everything-is-fine” mode.

And perhaps this is what the other meaning of “hope” thus became in this situation -- learning to be forward-facing even in the midst of truly knowing and understanding everything that’s wrong with the situation.

Post-02

Although Takeru’s Spring 2003 track is addressed to no one in particular, meaning that it’s the most likely reason he’s so willing to be open about it, Takeru outright admits he’s having problems with his emotions -- especially those pertaining to Angemon’s death. We do, however, learn that Takeru’s started writing the early, early drafts of what’ll eventually end up becoming the novels he writes as a future career.

This being only a year after the events of 02, Takeru’s position is interesting. His decision to start writing is that he wants to have a record of everything before it’s forgotten -- because these things are very personal to him -- but he’s not emotionally ready for the huge task of finalizing everything in words, to the point he still hasn’t told his mother he’s started writing yet. After all, this is a book we eventually find out takes upwards of twenty years, and so this is the presumable reason why -- being able to get this down in a rational way that’s not emotionally compromising is going to be an upwards battle for him.

Even come Kizuna, there’s still a long way for him to go, because an actual line (in a very fast-paced movie) is dedicated to establishing that he’s still uncomfortable with his novel progress to the point he won’t even let Yamato see it. His official character profile and background details are revealing, too -- although he’s currently taking language classes in university and is even part of a children’s literature club, he still hasn’t actually decided on what to do with his future, meaning that he hasn’t determined that he’s going to be a full-time novelist with these yet. That means that even though he’s clearly still clacking away at his novel (multiple indications in the movie are given as such), his memoirs are still at the level of being so deeply personal, and not something he feels comfortable telling well, just yet.

I’ve pointed out before that despite not appearing directly with them in the movie, Takeru and Hikari have more in common with the others in the 02 group than they do with their Adventure seniors, and this is fully codified in the drama CD when Takeru is content to basically just “do whatever” with the rest of his friends instead of having any particular concerns about his future. And as someone who has a tendency to kind of just let his emotions take him wherever they’re going, this isn’t too surprising. Although he approximates as the closest to level-headed during most of the group’s antics during the CD, he’s still completely guilty of enabling them full-force, after all...

So, with the 02 epilogue, we get the massive meta reveal that the entire series was Takeru’s novels the whole time. This was planned to be the ending for Adventure before recording for the first episode had even started, but was postponed to the end of 02 when the second series was greenlit -- and if you’d followed the Japanese version, there are a ton of meta hints scattered around from day one:

The narrator of the series is Hirata Hiroaki, who played Takeru and Yamato’s father, and is revealed in this episode to voice him as an adult as well;

Episode 12 of Adventure is named “Adventure! Patamon and Me” and is the only episode title in Adventure or 02 to use a first-person pronoun -- and it’s of course a Takeru-centric episode, with the episode title using Takeru’s boku;

02′s first episode kicks off narrated by young Takeru opening the story, with Takeru himself suspiciously omitted from the opening vignettes;

02 episode 18 suddenly has the narration cut in when discussing Takeru’s trauma from Adventure episode 13, with the younger Takeru even filling in part of it himself;

02 episode 49′s “next episode” preview for 50 suddenly also starts using “we”, which also includes Takeru’s boku;

Finally, Takeru starts narrating right after Oikawa’s death, which fades into what’s revealed to be his adult voice.

In the context of Adventure, Takeru was “the youngest child”, so the idea makes sense that “the littlest one” would be the one to grow up and reflect on all of the adventures they had as kids -- and once 02 was added, it practically made sense that Takeru would be the one to recap both adventures, being the one person who was there to completely witness both (it also explains why Takeru and Hikari’s character arcs remain somewhat unresolved by the end of Adventure compared to others, since by this time it was apparent their story would be continued in the second series). So on a meta level, Takeru is, in a certain way, one of the most important characters in both groups.

On a level relevant to his personal character arc, on the other hand, the point here is that Takeru finally managed to put together his book and story in a way that he was comfortable telling the entire world about, to the point of choosing to make his entire career into it. That’s something that requires a lot of coming to terms with what happened, how he feels about it, how others feel about it, and everything about the whole ordeal in general, without compromise or (too much) bias.

And in the end, that’s really a lot!

[sevlgi]

bubblegum pop

requested: no

group: twice

pairing: sana x fem!reader

genre: fluff

contents: rich girl!sana, college!au, cashier!reader.

warnings: none

synopsis: An unfortunately hostile encounter with the school’s sweetest rich girl might just lead to more than you ever expected.

a/n: inspired by @pearicot​‘s mean girl rosie series! (by the way, i’m not trying to feed into the “dumb sana” stereotype with this; i just thought that her personality fitted the character i was trying to achieve! does anyone wanna request continuations or scenarios in this universe 👀

word count: 3.3k

Something about Mondays the week of finals always got you in a bad mood, especially when you had  to work double shifts at the same stupid ice cream shop you’d worked at for the past 2 years of college. 

So maybe, just maybe, there was reasoning behind you snapping at the love of your life during your first meeting.

Actually, there really, really wasn’t.

There were plenty of mean girls on campus who you wouldn’t regret yelling at whatsoever, but you just happened to blow up at one of the considerably nicer rich girls.

Minatozaki Sana didn’t mean anything bad when she innocently held out a hundred dollar bill to pay for a $5 ice cream. She didn’t mean to seem pretentious, nor did she mean to mock you and your minimum-wage job, but you just so happened to take it that way.

“Really? You have to rub it in my face like that?”

Sana stared at you, the money that she held out wavering in the ear. “Sorry?”

Pinching the space between your eyebrows, you huffed out an exasperated breath. Luckily, there was no one else in the shop about to witness the stupidest meltdown of your life. “You think I don’t know that I’m poor? It’s five dollars for God’s sake, no need to bring out the big guns. Oh, or are you doing this to avoid seeming more pretentious with your daddy’s black card?”

The brunette’s hand retreated quickly, the heels of her Louboutins clacking softly against the pastel-toned linoleum of the ice cream shop. Fuck, you hated that linoleum. “I... I didn’t mean any of that, I swear! Um, is there an ATM near here?”

Once again, the girl meant well, and you took it badly. You scoffed, glaring disbelievingly at her. Some part of you was screaming out that you were putting your entire job at stake, and your morals as well, but you disregarded any common sense remaining in your brain. “An ATM for 5 bucks? Dude, just don’t.” Dipping your hand into the tip jar, you scrounged out a lousy crumpled bill and threw it down on the counter, shoving the bubblegum-flavored sweet to Sana. “Okay? Now get out, I don’t want to see your privileged ass anywhere near here.”

The dense gray clouding your mind somehow missed the hurt expression on the girl’s face as the staff door swung open. Wendy’s hands, though gentle on your shoulders, shoved you behind her with surprising force. “I am so sorry, Sana, it’s finals week. Surely you can understand? The ice cream’s on the house.”

“No, of course it’s okay!” Sana sounded genuine enough, that was for sure; you caught her glancing worriedly at you a couple times, nothing malicious whatsoever in her eyes. “I can pay though, are you sure?”

“I’m sure. See you in class,” Wendy called out, smiling all the while until the girl disappeared into the Lamborghini parked by the curb. As soon as that happened, she turned back to you, concern tugging at the corner of her lips. “Y/N...”

“Yeah, I know,” you mumbled as you crossed your arms. Already, you were regretting what you said, though you were far too stubborn to actually apologize on the spot. “No arguing with customers about capitalism. Sorry, Wendy.”

The girl bit her lip, scanning the store to make sure that there wasn’t about to be an influx of customers. Usually she enjoyed working with you; you just had absolutely terrible mood swings sometimes, and those days were nothing short of hellish for her to deal with. “Just head home. Focus on your finals, and come back next week. Okay?”

You hesitated to agree, knowing that you needed the money, but the grim expression on Wendy’s face told you that you had no other option. “Okay. Sorry.”

As you snatched up your stuff and shoved the door to the street open, you missed the sight of Sana watching you through the tinted windows of her 6-figure car.

“Really? Sana?”

“I know,” you groaned, biting down on the plastic spoon in your mouth. The flavor of the month (the only one you could eat completely free) lingered unpleasantly on your tongue, the taste of it oddly salty. “She was so nice about it, too.”

Jeongyeon and Mina exchanged glances, not touching their respective cups of “Ocean Caramel” either. It was extremely kind of them to come and accompany you on the slow days, both of them even offering to suffer through the gross ice cream with you.  “If it was Park Roseanne I might understand, but Sana,” Mina winced. Jeongyeon nodded in agreement; after all, everyone on campus knew about the reputations of Roseanne and Sana.

On one end of the “rich girl” spectrum, Roseanne was quite possibly the bitchiest one of all. She and her Bugatti Veyron, the college upgrade from her old McLaren, absolutely weren’t to be messed with. People who went to high school with you often told story of the G Wagon she smashed, the locker room she lit on fire, and so many other horror tales of a spoiled girl gone wild. You were sure that had you gone off on her, even Wendy wouldn’t have stopped you.

But on the other end, Sana was notoriously kind. Sure, her family raked in an income close to that of the other girl’s, and her wardrobe was just as expensive, but she made a point to donate to charities every time she went shopping. She tipped in the hundreds, and she didn’t ever ask for her designer clothes back when she lent them to strangers. She paid any dinner bill in full when she was there, and sometimes even when she wasn’t invited.

No one was entirely sure about the relationship between the two, but Roseanne seemed to hate Sana more than she did other people. The two fought publicly occasionally, but Sana’s kind heart made it so that even Roseanne couldn’t carry a fight very long. She didn’t respond to insults, it seemed, nor did she ever seem to actually take them personally. 

Stirring her half-melted soup, Mina continued, “Hopefully she doesn’t hold it against you. She doesn’t seem like the type, but...”

Jeongyeon shook her head, opening her mouth just as the doorbell rang. You froze when you looked up to find a designer-dressed bombshell, a sweet smile outlined in Chanel Rouge Allure. She looked completely out of place amidst tired college kids spending their last paycheck on ice cream, white gauzy sleeves and blue dress shimmering under LED lights. If you were being honest, you’d say that she was the most beautiful person you’d seen in your life, but you were always well versed in lying to yourself. “Y/N, you better go.”

“Why?” you whined, pouting at your much more responsible friends. They ignored your puppy face, though; Jihyo was usually the only one you could sway, Momo sometimes if she was feeling merciful. “I’m on break.”

“Only when there’s no customers,” Mina argued, shoving you to stand. Jeongyeon smiled at you, waving you away. “Go, and don’t screw it up this time.”

You forced a smile onto your face when you reached the counter, bowing and adjusting your name tag. “Hi, what can I help you with today?”

“Hi, Y/N!” Sana grinned, bowing back. The fact that she remembered your name only made your guilt worse; if she forgot who you were, you could at least pretend that she didn’t remember the incident at all. “Ah, could I have the same thing as last time? Bubblegum Pop ice cream, on a sugar cone today. 3 scoops?”

Nodding, you moved to open the case, avoiding the girl’s gaze as you did. “Of course.” She was quiet at that, staring at the ceiling so as not to rush you. Without prompting, you blurted, “I’m... I’m really sorry about last week, by the way. I don’t know what I was thinking, blowing up at you like that.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay!” she protested, waving a manicured hand in the air. “I promise I understand you. We all have our bad days.”

You wanted to apologize again, if just to assuage your guilt, but you held off on it, joking, “How do you deal with them? Yell at Gucci assistants?”

Sana looked honestly offended as she accepted the cone proffered to her, eyes widening in shock. “I’ve never done that, I swear! Besides, I don’t like Gucci much.”

A light smile quirking at the corners of your lips, you handed the receipt to her as well. She didn’t ask for it, probably not caring about the measly price or having the space for it in her tiny bag, but took it anyway. “I’m sure you don’t. Your total is $5.23, will that be cash or card?”

“Cash!” She held out a 10 dollar bill, pride shining behind that gorgeous face as you raised your eyebrows in surprise. When your hands brush together, you were reminded of how much better she was than you, how you probably weren’t worthy at all to be touching her with your shop-issued baseball cap and grimy apron. But Sana doesn’t seem to mind, still smiling that airy smile at you and not moving away. She broke your stare by offering, “I don’t want to sound rude, but keep the change.”

“Not rude at all,” you fully laughed that time, dishing out the remainder to stuff in your tip jar. You still felt terrible that she felt the need to apologize about such a normal comment, asking, “Are you sure it’s okay? You can have this one free too, if it makes up for me shouting at you...”

Sana shook her head, sugary light pink already mixing into her lipstick. She walked away, still waving with that gorgeous smile on her face. “It’s okay. I’ll see you soon, Y/N, you look really pretty today!”

Turning back to your friends, you whispered, “Damn. She’s really nice.”

You planned on spending your one day off from school and work cozied up with a good book and your favorite hot drink, but you supposed that getting into a fight with Park Roseanne wasn’t the worst way to go either.

As soon as you entered campus, book in hand and blasting music in your earbuds, you found a crowd of at least 3 dozen people right in front of the library building. It was unlike you to butt into others’ business, especially when it might lead to a ruined day, but Roseanne’s voice carried loud over the hushed whispers of everyone else. “--huh, Sana?”

It wasn’t any of your business, but for some reason, Roseanne’s tone when saying Sana’s name angered you immensely. Frowning, you shouldered your way through the crowd. The closer you got to the center, the more expensive the clothing that brushed against your own rough jean jacket was, cotton and leather becoming silk and velvet. You originally planned to just fit in with the other spectators, but with a shove at the small of your back, you were thrust into the center too.

To your shock, Sana’s eyes were red and shining with tears, the tip of her nose cherry-colored as well. Her head was almost bowed as she stared at her shoes, but she looked up to you when you almost bumped into her. You stuttered out, “H-hey. What’s going on?”

Instead of an explanation from the Japanese girl, though, your gaze was drawn to the blonde across the courtyard. “Didn’t you hear? Little Miss Perfect here got broken up with,” Roseanne scoffed, an infuriating smirk on her perfect face as she tilted her head at you. “By a future CEO, no less. I guess she isn’t a gold-digger, or maybe there’s some other reason that he didn’t want her anymore.”

Your hand shot out to protect Sana, a scowl making its way onto your own face. “Excuse me? From my standpoint, any future CEO is still way outta her league, so forgive me for doubting that he’s the one who didn’t want her. You’re the one dating someone who makes a tenth of what you do.”

Roseanne rolled her eyes, lips thinning. “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that, Y/L/N, or you’ve got another thing coming. There aren’t many lesbians in this damn school.”

“You know me, don’t you?” Sana’s voice was wavering as she spoke, but it was strong enough to echo in the courtyard. To your surprise (and somewhat satisfaction), the blonde  girl’s eyes widened as Sana stood forward, her lips jutting forward. “That’s why I’m not dating him anymore. I like girls, too.”

Somehow, you’d never expected that Sana was attracted to girls, but it made perfect sense. An irrational part of you wanted to cheer, but instead, you forced yourself to speak.

“R-right.” You continued to glare at Roseanne, who finally seemed to be speechless. “Yeah, so how come you’re tearing Sana down? We should be supporting each other, but you’re being so rude to someone so kind, and that says all I need to know about you.”

Reaching out, you latched onto Sana’s upper arm and pulled her out of the circle, people parting to let the two of you through as Roseanne wasn’t able to conjure up something to respond with. You didn’t stop walking until there was only silence surrounding you under the shade of a swaying tree, finally stopping to let the girl sit. “Are you okay?” you asked, brow furrowed as you knelt to be mostly face-level with her.

Somehow, there was a smile on her face; a slightly snotty smile, but nonetheless the most beautiful one you’d ever seen in your life. You ignored the uncomfortable leap of your heart when you reached out to take her hands into your own, somehow forgetting about the hostility you’d felt towards her from the beginning. “You- you stood up for me.”

“Yeah. I did, I guess,” you shrugged, smiling slightly. “I’m sure that was rough, though, to come out. How’re you feeling?”

“Honestly, much better,” Sana sighed. She leaned back, fingers curling slightly around yours as the afternoon sun shone golden brown in the locks of hair spread out on her shoulders. “It was good to get it off my chest. I didn’t even know you were into girls, you know.”

Reaching up to scratch your head, you chuckled, “Well, I am, if it makes you feel any better. What happened between the two of you, by the way? She seems to hate you so much.”

The girl laughed, as bubbly and airy as her regular voice. “I may or may not have dated her girlfriend before. But it was a long time ago, and I’m still friends with her! Roseanne just can’t forgive me.”

You feigned shock, swatting at her arm. “How terrible of you! I’m so disappointed.”

You were stuck simply smiling at each other for a good minute or so before you looked away, picking at your shoelace for something to do. “So. Uh, Roseanne knew the whole time?”

“She did,” Sana confirmed, nodding. “She just never talked about it.”

“Well, it’s good to know that she isn’t the only other one in the school with me,” you sighed, sitting back on your heels.

Sana lurched back forward, hands clasping together at her chest. “Then we should celebrate! We can go shopping or something, and we can just be happy that we aren’t alone anymore.”

It suddenly struck you how quickly you could change the girl’s entire outlook, a smile coming onto her face with no effort from you whatsoever. But even more surprising, you smiled even larger than she did just looking at her. 

Laughing, you sat back on your heels and shook your head lightly. Seeming to take it as a rejection, Sana’s eyes widened. “Oh, only if you want to, of course! We can go wherever you want, we don’t even have to go shopping if you don’t want to!”

“No, we can go shopping,” you answered, reaching back over to squeeze her hand and pulling her up with you when you stood. “Come on, then. Let’s go celebrate.”

Sana wasn’t a great driver, but you didn’t expect much else. You were practically sick to your stomach by the time that you reached the mall, face green as you swayed out of the car.

“Ah, Y/N, I’m sorry!” Her hands rubbed lightly at your back as you squatted in the parking lot, fist held tight to your mouth. It wasn’t like you were actually going to throw up, but you didn’t want to risk ruining the girl’s expensive shoes. “I’ll let you drive next time.”

Next time? you wanted to ask. But you managed to stand, nodding quickly to ease Sana’s worry. “Yeah. It’s fine, I’m fine. Should we go?”

Immediately, she latched onto your hand, swinging between the two of you as she started to rush forward. “H-hey, lock your car first!”

Sana had unsurprisingly expensive tastes, but also surprisingly understated ones. She was fun to shop with, that was for sure- she loved to offer you clothes and also to offer to pay for them, but you didn’t necessarily hate a pretty girl telling you you’d look gorgeous in a certain sparkly dress.

She didn’t do any of the typical stuck-up things you expected her to- Sana carried her own bags, and she never forced you to follow her instead of doing what you wanted to. She did like to try on outfits and show them to you, but that could be ignored when it was just another opportunity for you to stare at her.

Eventually, you ended up having ice cream at one of the stores in the mall. You balked at the price, but Sana swiped her credit card without hesitation. “I have to admit, this bubblegum doesn’t taste as good as yours,” she pouted.

Chuckling, you savored the rich flavor on your own tongue. “You should’ve picked an expensive flavor then. Vanilla and chocolate are always good in these kinds of stores.”

“You know a lot about ‘these kinds of stores’ for someone who claims to be poor,” she teased, eyes widening as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-”

“Nah, it’s fine,” you smiled, leaning on your palm. “I’m good with it, since we’re friends now.”

Sana grinned at that, her eyes curving charmingly. “We’re friends? Most people don’t want to be friends with me, I’m really glad you’re willing to.”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

Looking down for once, the girl mumbled, “They say I’m dumb. You know that everyone says I’m nice, but they also think I’m dumb because I pay for everything. I just want to be kind, but no one takes me seriously.”

A wave of guilt rushed over you for previously feeding into the stereotype. The more time you spent with Sana, the more you realized that she was as brilliant as any other, and far more kind. “Well, that’s stupid. You are kind, Sana, and you’re amazing. I’m lucky to be your friend.”

She clasped your hand over the table, soft skin warm over yours, pink flushing in her pale cheeks. “Thank you, Y/N. You know, this is the best time I’ve had in a while. My boyfriend didn’t even listen to me this well,” she laughed.

Despite the fact that she treated it as a joke, you felt horrible. She was all too used to thinking the worst about herself and not believing that she was worth any better, and that was the worst possible thing you could imagine for a girl with a heart of gold. Jabbing your spoon into the remaining ice cream, you blurted, “Then go on a date with me. A proper one, not just a normal hangout like this.”

Sana instantly blushed, looking down as if it’d hide her face at all. But she missed the heat that rose to your cheeks too, the nervous biting of your lip as you waited for a response. “I would love nothing more,” she smiled, her eyes shining brilliantly. “And I can’t wait.”

[xaibaugrove]

Everyone in the Krew is Problematic

I was inspired to go on this rant by someone who recently brought up a question in a server I’m in, asking why so many people in the fandom seem to hate Mako and Makorra and why. This wouldn’t be the first time I defend Mako and it most likely won’t be the last, but it might be the first time I tear him and everyone else in the Krew down in the process, only to bring them back up. Hear me out though.

I think I’ve totally accepted that a lot of people in this fandom will always hate Mako and that I will have to perpetually defend him, I understand that this is the relationship I’ve chosen with this world. But what I still will never understand are the reasons why people hate/dislike him because compared to how much they love other characters in the Krew who honestly aren’t that much better than him (in some cases, even worse!), it doesn’t make any sense.

Let me also preface this by saying, I love these characters with all my heart and soul, probably more than I should love fictional characters, but this is the life I live and with that being said, I am going to tear them apart just to prove a point. Okay, here we go.

MAKO

Most of his detractors list the usual criticisms, which are valid when isolated. He cheated on Asami, he lied to Korra, he was a terrible boyfriend and essentially he treated the women he claimed to love or care about horribly. Gee, it’s almost like the man was a teenager with no experience in having long-lasting, healthy relationships and was raised in the streets by gangmembers while doing anything to survive and provide for his younger sibling after seeing his parents killed right in front of him and suddenly being orphaned…

I think Mako has been torn down enough, so I won’t get too deep into the tearing down part for him. It really does baffle me how someone can claim to be woke and not comprehend how someone coming from poverty could possibly be a product of their environment. Like, does everyone think that poor people automatically have hearts of gold and turn out like Little Orphan Annie? Why are people surprised that when someone has a shitty life, they might do shitty things?

Also, sooo many people love Zuko, who actively tried to cause harm to Aang, Katara and Sokka numerous times, and sympathize with his troubled past. But like, sure Zuko had an abusive father and his mother peaced out of his life for whatever reasons but at least he had his uncle. Mako had his parents for maybe 8 years before they were murdered in front of him and then had...no one for the next 10 years? Except for Bolin, sure, but no other parental figure in his life. Dude literally had to become him and his brother’s own parent and joined a gang to survive, and after all that, the worst he does is acts as a bad boyfriend toward Korra and Asami and he is instantly thrown to the wolves. Something doesn’t add up. It’s just...I don’t get it.

Yes, the way he treated people was bad, but people can grow? That’s a thing humans can do. And he was a teenager, my god. No, we cannot allow our past to be an excuse for how we treat others, but we have to be aware that there is a growth process to being human. And being human in and of itself, isn’t pretty. You think Mako is problematic? Don’t get me started on your fave.

KORRA

Ok, I love this woman to death but she is ridiculously problematic. She pursued someone in a relationship and essentially forced Mako to cheat on Asami by kissing him against his will, that’s already pretty awful and shows a lack of empathy on her part, also kissing people without their consent is no bueno. But also I just have to say it for the people who might not know this. One of the fundamental reasons why Makorra didn’t work was because KORRA WAS ABUSIVE. Okay? It wasn’t just that Mako was inadequate at relationships and didn’t know how to people, it wasn’t that she was secretly confused and wanting Asami the entire time (biphobia at it’s best) one of the main problems in the pairing was that Korra was crazy abusive towards Mako. Seriously, why don’t I see this more often in those discussions??

If we need examples, I have dozens. Honestly, it’s really easy to see how terrible Korra was to Mako, I’d actually argue that she treated him worse than he treated her. I mean, they were both terrible to one another, but in Korra’s case she went through the motions of being completely infatuated with your first teenage crush, getting with said crush, then crashing and burning once you realize that you have no idea how to treat a romantic partner so after the butterflies wear off you subject them to all the wonderful aspects of your anger issues. Not only did she scream at Mako during every argument they had, she also threatened him with bodily harm if she got really angry. Remember how their relationship crashed and burned in Book 2? Here are the things that Korra did during that time. Let me reiterate, this was not okay.

Mako is visibly shaken by this!

This woman burst into her boyfriend’s place of work and violently kicked his desk out from in front of him with all his coworkers present. That is not normal behavior. That is a red flag. And after she came back, had amnesia or whatever and forgot they broke up after that scene, let’s not forget that Mako was legitimately Afraid to break up with her again. Korra made her partner frightened that they might suffer bodily harm if they upset her. Again, and I can’t stress this enough, this is not okay!

The little scene in Book 3 when Korra is lifting Mako like 100 feet off the ground with airbending while he’s screaming in fear just to make Asami laugh is cute, right? I’ll admit, I loved that little moment too, it’s one of the only instances of Korrasami development that we got, but also, there were sooo many things wrong with that scene lol. Not only does Korra terrify Mako for literally no reason, it’s also sort of just her continuing to exercise some degree of power over him for her own amusement. Almost like a subtle reminder to him saying, “I am stronger than you in every way and I can break your femur like a twig if I wanted to… but I won’t, so look how much fun we’re having!”

Now of course, there are reasons why Korra acts like this. She was isolated for almost her entire life and never learned how to treat people and be around people. The Avatar is human because they must live amongst the people they protect and that helps them develop empathy and cherish life. The White Lotus deprived her of that fundamental aspect of her duty as the Avatar and it showed throughout the beginning of the series. Clearly, she was young, didn’t see how her actions could negatively affect others and hurt the feelings of not just her partner but also friends and family (she was really awful towards a lot of people in her life!). But as the series went on, we see her having less outbursts and learning to control her temper more.

One can only assume that she does not have the same behavior with Asami because for one, I don’t think Asami would play that shit, she seems like she would electrocute a bitch in a heartbeat and not hesitate if needed, but also Korra is not the same shitty partner she used to be as a teenager. Again, kids do stupid things. Adults do stupid things. And we learn and we grow. Korra will probably make some more mistakes in her relationship with Asami. I don't think anyone can have one bad relationship and suddenly learn all the lessons they can from it and have a perfect one the next go around. I can totally picture Korra losing her temper and raising her voice at Asami if she gets frustrated and forgets who she’s dealing with. Managing anger issues is hard, I know this from experience, and it doesn’t magically get easier. Of course, if Korra does pop off, Asami would definitely put her in her place because she’s a bad bitch who doesn’t take anyone’s shit, next character.

ASAMI

You know her, you love her, you fantasize about her and you probably have her on your list of fictional characters you would totally bang if you had the chance (I know I do), yes, even your best girl is problematic. It’s interesting to me that a lot of people sympathize with Asami and very few openly criticize her (so few that I’ve never seen anyone say a bad thing about her). What’s there to criticize though? The poor girl was cheated on by Mako, had her feelings disregarded by Korra, who claimed to be her friend but pursued her then-boyfriend behind her back and then made up for it by simping for her for the rest of her life? Also her mom was murdered when she was just 6 years old, her father threatened to kill her once and physically abused her, then died right after they started repairing their relationship, essentially making her an orphan at the ripe age of 22. Suffice it to say, Asami has been through it.

So, how could she be problematic, you ask? Why, of course, through the classic Bryke technique of romance progression in storylines called Kissing People Without Their Consent

To be honest, I did gloss over this with Korra, simply because there were sooo many other issues with that woman and I just couldn’t go through every single one in as much detail but that doesn’t negate how serious this whole sneak attack kissing thing is. Sure, Asami is very emotional and lonely and sort of desperate too, (it's a little sad, really) but Mako is clearly uncomfortable and completely caught off guard by the kiss. This is also the second time this happens to him in the series! There are a couple factors that might contribute to why Asami does this and acts this way, maybe Korra’s general awfulness rubbed off on her (don’t make a dirty joke) but this is still wrong.

AND that’s...pretty much it. Kissing people without their permission is a big no no, though. Not wanting to gloss over that, but Asami really is a good person who just did a not-so-great thing. Getting burned by Mako twice probably made her a little less inclined to be as forward with anyone though, and it looks like she now takes her time and is patient in her relationship with Korra. It even seems like Asami is the only person Korra is afraid to upset, as Korra does seem more gentle and calm when around her. And who knows? Maybe Asami living a life where a majority of the time she got whatever she wanted when she wanted it might have also influenced her to be more assertive or even imposing within her relationships.

If anything, those three fools getting into relationships with each other just showed how not ready they were to be in relationships in the first place and also how not okay they were.

BOLIN

Originally I titled this as “Everyone in the Krew is problematic (except Bolin)” but then I remembered that Bolin totally kissed a woman without her consent so I deleted the shit out of that!

This asshole looks genuinely pleased with himself after essentially assaulting Ginger. Not a good look.

Sure, Bolin is baby. He will always be baby to me. But that does not erase the fact that he also actively supported a fascist dictator. Not only was the kissing without consent thing bad, but there’s also that. No matter how many times people around him warned him about the fact that he was on the wrong side of things, that he was helping someone who was putting people into concentration camps...Bolin wanted to believe the best of Kuvira. He ignored obvious signs that the woman was a dictator committing human rights violations like crazy and you know, there’s gotta be a reason for that too.

Maybe Bolin wanted to feel like he was doing something good for once. When you think about it, with his role as the comic relief in the Krew, and sort of constantly being infantilized by his older brother, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man developed some insecurity in his ability to do anything good or useful for anyone without screwing it up in some way. In Kuvira’s army, it seemed like he was actually taken seriously, he felt like he was doing something that mattered. Korra had being the Avatar, Asami had her business and mindblowing philanthropy (honestly, her ability to be as charitable as she is profitable is insane) and Mako had his police work (ACAB, tho). Bolin had...the role of being a joke. A superficial actor. A former pro-bending meathead.

Bolin lived his entire life following after his brother that once they were adults and Mako finally decided to live his own life for once, it left Bolin completely lost. And lost young men are perfect recruits for fascists.

So, in conclusion, my whole reasoning behind destroying the integrity of my favorite characters is to prove a huge point. All of these characters are problematic. They have flaws, some bigger than others (looking at you, Korra. Just...wow), but ultimately, even if your fave is problematic... that’s okay. A lot of people, mostly younger people it seems, are really obsessed with being right about everything that they do and stan. And that’s a wonderful thing, so much change has come about by the younger generations calling out people who do fucked up shit, don’t want or try to improve, and get away with it. But it’s also caused a lot of people to be unforgiving and completely unwilling to acknowledge when people do improve and try to be better.

Personally, I love my problematic Krew because having issues that you’re constantly working on internally is human. It’s human to make mistakes, it’s human to grow from those mistakes. And it’s inspiring to me, who is wholly imperfect, to see myself reflected in fictional characters who aren’t perpetuating unrealistic ideals of human nature, characters who are messy, crazy and ultimately human.

As one of my favorite manga artists and queen of impeccable character creation Rumiko Takahashi once said:

“I think that perfect people are not very interesting.”

And I will always wholeheartedly agree.

[staticscreenwriting]

LOVE LIKE THE MOVIES // BUCKY BARNES

TWO - Grease 1 & 2

Masterlist 

Summary: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Bucky Barnes, finds himself thrown into a world that seems so different from everything he’s ever known. The girl, (Y/N) knows entirely too much about rom-coms and is quite particular about the way she eats her popcorn. Bucky meets (Y/N) a few months after returning to NYC. He knows almost immediately that becoming her friend is inevitable. This is a story of boy meets girl. This is a story about love. (Bucky Barnes x female!Reader // a few spoilers for TFATWS)

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

“  I made a friend. “

Dr. Raynor doesn’t look up from her notebook but the slightly surprised raise of her eyebrow doesn’t get lost on Bucky.

“ Thought you might want to know. “

She stops writing for a second and glances up at him, her eyes holding a certain sense of hesitation and reluctance. He can almost see the gears in her head turning. She’s trying to get one step ahead of him, figure out what smartass comment he’ll throw at her. Only this time there isn’t one. This time it’s all genuine. It’s all true.

“ I do. That’s — good. Where’s the catch? “

“ There’s no catch. I made a new friend, just like that. And it’s not some making amends thing either. “

She closes her notebook, places it on the table to her right, and then folds her hands in her lap the way she does sometimes when Bucky knows he’s said something important. He has her entire and undivided attention.

“ That’s good, James. Tell me more about this friend. “

“ Her name is (Y/N). She’s a waitress and she’s really into movies. “

“ Oh. “

“ Oh? “

“ It’s a woman. “

“ Yeah it’s a woman, is that a problem? “ Bucky asks. Now it’s time for him to raise an eyebrow in question.

“ No. It’s not. I just didn’t expect it. “

“ Are you saying men and women can’t be friends? That’s awfully antiquated thinking, Doc. Have you ever seen when Harry met Sally? “

“ I have. Have you?”

Bucky scoffs as if the question is an insult to his intelligence.

“ Sure. It’s a classic. “

He hits her with a sarcastic grin, the one he knows she hates. The one she knows is fake and fabricated but that allows him to be unreadable to her for just a second.

“ Well then. I’m glad you’re making friends. It’s a big step, James. But I don’t want you to get attached to someone because you think that’s gonna make you get out of this arrangement any sooner, “ she says and motions her finger around the room in a twirling motion. “ It’s a more permanent situation. I hope you are aware of that.”

Eyes averted to the floor, Bucky nods his head in understanding.

“ I know. That’s not the reason. I — she knows me. Knows about me before all of the bad stuff. In her eyes, I am the man I used to be before Hydra. It’s nice to go back to that even if it’s not the truth. (Y/N) gives me a chance to figure out who I am right now without being reminded of all the bad things I did. “

When he looks back up Dr. Reynor regards him with a look he’s never seen before. Softer. She even smiles a little bit and he hardly ever sees her smile. Granted, he doesn't make these sessions easy for her so what does he expect really? Her smiling at him feels like he’s doing something right.

“ She sounds lovely. “

“ She talks so much and she sends me weird videos I don’t understand. Like, yesterday she sent me one of a kid saying he’s 19 and he can’t read and — I have no idea what it meant. And she makes fun of me for having a flip phone. But it’s not mean-spirited or anything. She doesn’t make me feel left out. Doesn’t make me feel stupid. “

“ Anything else you know about her? “

“ Her coffee tastes horrible. “

Dr. Reynor lets out an airy chuckle. “ James, I like the fact that you’re making friends. We all need friends, especially during times when we feel like we’re lost or have no direction in life. And it sounds like this friendship is good for you. “

“ But? “

“ Why do you think there’s a but ? “

“ There always is. “

She regards him for a second then nods slightly. “ You’re right. But it’s not a bad one. Listen, it seems like this woman knows a lot about who you used to be. How about you learn a little more about her? Even the playing field. A friendship is based on mutual understanding and trust. That’s my homework for you. Get to know her better. “

“ Your homework is for me to spend time with a friend? “

“ Yes. Now that doesn’t sound so bad, does it? “

Bucky shakes his head in reply.

No, that really doesn’t sound all that bad.

The bell above the door chimes as Bucky steps inside the diner. It’s quite a bit more crowded than the last time he’s been here.

“ Grumpy!”

His head snaps towards the counter at the enthusiastic exclamation of his new nickname.

  (Y/N) stands behind the counter clad in the diner’s signature baby blue polo shirt, a pencil tugged behind her ears, and a frilly apron wrapped around her waist.

Her lips pull into a smile as he approaches and plops down onto one of the barstools.

“ You have impeccable timing, Grumpy.”

“ I guess that’s gonna stick? “

(Y/N) only nods her head in agreement, eyes full of mischief and determination. There’s no sense in arguing about this topic. That’s one nickname set in stone now. And really, it’s not like it doesn’t fit him.

“ I have something for you. “

“ You do? “

“ Well it’s not technically for you specifically but I need someone to try it so — “

Before he can even react she rushes back into the kitchen, her sneakers creating squeaking sounds on the shiny linoleum floor.

“ Do you want some coffee? “ the other waitress approaches, holding out the pot filled with the dark brew. It smells warm and delicious and Bucky wants to say yes until he remembers the last time he’s had coffee here and how bitter and burned it had been. And how he drank it anyway because he couldn’t bear to let (Y/N) know that her coffee was horrible.

“ Don’t worry, “ the waitress speaks up again, obviously picking up on Bucky’s complicated feelings towards the diner’s coffee “ I made it. Won’t let her near the pot when I’m around.”

“ In that case, please. “

Just as the mug fills with coffee, (Y/N) comes back tumbling around the corner and out of the kitchen. She leans against the counter, next to the red-haired waitress, and plops a Tupperware container in front of Bucky.

“ Try these and tell me what you think. “

Bucky takes a sip of his coffee before slowly opening the container to be greeted by a pile of cookies, of all shapes and sizes, no two quite the same.

“ Cookies? “

“ Eat one! “

“ Whoa, hold up.” Bucky exclaims as he raises his hands in mock defense. “ this sounds awfully suspicious to me. Are you trying to pull a Snow White on me here? “

(Y/N) eyes grow big and the most radiant smile spreads across her face at his words.

“ You made a pop culture reference!”

“ Saw it in the cinema. “

“ No way.”

“ Mmmh. With my sister.”

“ I just decided I love it when you make pop culture references. “

“ Noted.”

“ Okay, so since no one thinks it’s important to introduce me, let me do it myself,” the red-haired waitress chimes in and holds out her hand for Bucky to shake. He can see her eyebrows furrow a little as she notices his gloves. It’s not yet cold enough for people to not wonder about it. They know something ain’t right with him and he hates it. Wishes they’d just disregard it. Act like it’s a completely normal and feasible thing.

“ I’m Robin, (Y/N)’s best friend. “

“ I’m Bucky. Hopefully, not the first victim of (Y/N)’s poisoning.”

“ Oh, how arrogant of you to assume you’d be the first. If you don’t want my cookies, give ‘em back !”

(Y/N) tries to reach across the counter only for Bucky to snatch the container away holding it out of her reach. “ You gave me the cookies, you can’t take them back. That’s not how gifts work.”

“ Then try one for god’s sake! “

“ Alright, calm down. I will. “

He hates the fact that both (Y/N) and Robin are staring at him as he takes a bite of one of the cookies. The whole thing is almost the size of his face and littered with chocolate chips. It’s a damn mess of a cookie and he’d loved to have been there when she made them. No doubt it was chaos. No doubt it was an awful lot of fun too.

The cookie is — a lot. It’s too much sugar, too much chocolate. Too much of everything. He can practically feel the cavities building with every bite he takes. It’s that sweet.

But she looks at him with such glee in her eyes and this big beautiful smile that rivals the sun with its brightness and there’s no way in hell he can tell her the truth. Not when lying about it keeps that smile on her face.

Quite honestly,  Bucky thinks, life isn’t about telling the truth at all times. Sometimes, life is about knowing when to use your little white lies. Sometimes telling the truth isn’t doing anyone any favor.

“ So ? “

“ They’re — sweet.”

And they are. So really, it isn’t even an actual lie after all.

“ Good. They’re supposed to be. You see, I have a date tomorrow and I asked him what his favorite dessert was and he said cookies. I’m not sure they count as a dessert but anyway. Thanks for being my guinea pig. “

Robin throws him a look over (Y/N)’s shoulder. A look that lets him know she’s not buying it. She’s looking right through him. But she smiles so maybe she too realizes that sometimes lying saves everyone the heartache that may come with the truth.

“ You have a date? “

“ I do. His name is Russell, we’ve been hanging out for a while but he had to go to Europe for work and we haven’t seen each other in a few months. It was never anything serious, kind of a wrong place, wrong time thing. But maybe this time it works. “

“ Oh please, “ Robin exclaims, furiously slamming the pot back into the coffee machine. “ This loser has been stringing you along for far too long now. He’s not worth it. Trust me you can do so much better than him. “

There’s something about the way (Y/N) mood changes, the way she falters, that Bucky doesn’t like. Not even a tiny little bit. It’s a split second, just the whisper of a moment and then she’s back to her joking, bubbly self. But that tiny second is enough. Enough for Bucky to know he never wants to see it again. The doubt and hurt fluttering across her eyes. He’s seen too much hurt in too many eyes. It’s never getting any easier. It just makes him realize how much he hates seeing it in hers.

“ Ignore the crazy lady, he’s not that bad.” (Y/N) tries to reason, though the light and airy tone in her voice doesn’t sound quite as convincing as it usually does.

“ He refuses to put a label on your relationship and he treats you like you’re disposable. “

“ Sounds like a catch, is this the one with the fish picture or the one with the star wars facts? “ Bucky asks, biting off yet another piece of the tooth-achingly sweet cookie.

“ Neither. We met while walking our dogs. He’s nice, really. “

“ Sounds like it. “

“ He is. Robin over there just thinks she’s the expert on romance because she’s about to get married. Don’t believe a thing she says. Her own fairytale romance makes her blind to other people’s romantic struggles. “

Robin shakes her head in disagreement, making her red curls bounce with each motion. “ You’re a big girl, you know what you’re doing. I’m just calling things as I see them. Anyway, I gotta serve table 4.”

Silence falls upon them as Robin leaves to tend to the customers and (Y/N) averts her eyes back towards the countertop.

“ Hey, “ Bucky speaks up, getting (Y/N) to look up and meet his eyes. “ I hope the date turns out well for you, you deserve that. And if it doesn’t, just text me and we can watch another movie or something. “

“ You’d do that for me? “

“ Yeah. Sure. It’s what friends do. We’re friends now — right ? “

(Y/N) smiles “ right!”

And it’s nice, Bucky thinks, to have a friend again. Even though it’s all new and fresh, it feels wonderful. Like a tiny bit of weight has been taken from his shoulders. Like he can take a breath for the first time in a long time.

Joe’s Pizzaria is an American restaurant that tries desperately to trick Americans into thinking it’s an authentic Italian restaurant.

And while it does have a certain undeniable charm, (Y/N) gets a bit tired of chomping down on yet another breadstick while staring at the red and white checkered tablecloth and pretending not to grasp the gravity of the situation. He’s not gonna come. He’s two hours late. Two whole hours. Half a bottle of wine and one salad late. The waiters pity her, it’s painfully obvious. The way they keep checking on her, keep asking if there’s anything they can bring her. Keep filling her breadstick with no upcharge.

Pity, (Y/N) thinks, is her least favorite emotion. It doesn’t do anyone any good and in the end, everyone just feels worse.

A "ping" coming from her phone pulls (Y/N) from her thoughts and for a teeny-tiny second a flicker of hope sparks in her heart that maybe Russell is just late and this is him apologizing and explaining. Maybe she was worth it to him after all.

Then her eyes register the name on the screen and disappointment fills her veins. Does he really not care? Does she really mean so little to him, he doesn't even feel the need to cancel the date? Is this some sick joke?

Bucky's message reads: Hope you're having fun. Did he like the cookies?

It's a weird feeling, to know someone she hasn't known for very long wastes even the smallest thought on her while her date doesn't give a shit. All it does is set into perspective that her blossoming friendship with Bucky is worth any effort it might take.

"Don't ask. Hey, what are you doing right now?"

"Oh, that bad? Not much. Trying to figure out what to have for dinner. Why?"

"How do you feel about spaghetti and meatballs?"

He doesn’t have a couch.

That’s the one thought that spooks around his head as soon as he realizes what he’s just agreed to.

He’s been living here for months and he doesn’t even have a fucking couch.

When (Y/N) asked if she could come around, when she said she’d bring food and asked if her dog could come, he couldn’t say no. Not when she's already been stood up that night. Nevertheless, everything inside him starts twisting up in knots at the thought of opening his home to another person. Home. That’s really the problem now that he thinks about it. This place doesn’t feel like a home. It’s 4 walls and a roof. Nothing has felt like home in a long time.

He invited her over and he doesn’t even have a fucking couch.

There’s a TV and an armchair, a few cupboards, a chair, and a bed he doesn’t sleep in. Sometimes he thinks back to his childhood home, with all his mother's porcelain figurines collecting dust on the shelves and the wall of family pictures. It felt warm and cozy and like it was meant for people to live and learn and grow. It was their own.

This apartment is a box for him to stay at. Nothing here is in any way personal. But how do you make something your own when you don’t even know who you really are? When all you remember are times long gone or times you want to forget.

He snatches the sheets and pillow off the floor and throws them on his bed. He might not be able to get any more furniture in time for (Y/N) to arrive but he sure as hell doesn’t need to let her know that his nightmares don’t allow him to sleep in his own damn bed.

A knock sounds from the front door and for a second, Bucky’s blood turns cold as ice. No one ever talks about how scary it is to let people in. Would it matter to her and their friendship that his apartment is just as empty as he feels inside?

As soon as he opens the door, a fluffy bundle of white and brown fur rushes past him and runs a lap around his living room before settling by his feet, tail wagging and tongue hanging from his mouth.

“ Oh god, sorry. She’s just so excited to meet new people. “

Giving the dog a few pets, Bucky turns back to (Y/N), who gives him one of her signature sunshine smiles as she holds out a paper bag to him. The smell of delicious food reaches Bucky’s nose as he takes the bag from her and ushers her inside.

“ So, Spaghetti? “

“ Yup. And meatballs. “

Bucky nods his head in approval, “ Sounds good to me. “

She smiles at him again but there’s a kind of sadness surrounding her that he wishes he could take away. Whoever that Russell guy is, he’s a damn fool for not showing up.

“ Food’s still warm so if you tell me where your plates are … “ (Y/N) trails off as she really takes in the state of his apartment for the first time since she’s stepped inside. He can basically see the thoughts running through her head, one after the other, none sticking around long enough to form a coherent string of words to express what she’s thinking. He knows she wants to comment, can see it in her eyes. But something is holding her back and he can’t blame her. Their friendship isn’t that deep yet. You don’t ask someone you’ve just gotten friendly with why their apartment is so fucking empty. It’s sad and there are implications there that run deeper than one can see.

So to spare her any more awkward silence, Bucky speaks up again.

“ I uh — I just moved in. Haven’t gotten around to getting much furniture. We can sit by the kitchen counter or you can take the armchair and I’ll take the floor. “

“ That’s fine, we’ll make it work, “ she replies, before turning towards the kitchen cupboards, “ now … plates ?”

“ This is delicious “ Bucky exclaims as he stuffs yet another fork of Spaghetti into his mouth.

Lady, (Y/N)'s Cocker Spaniel, casually lounges on his armchair, eyes always trained on the dishes of pasta, while Bucky and (Y/N) sit on the floor, backs against the wall.

“ Right? I love Meatballs. Last time I was at Joe’s Pizzeria, I was there with Russell and he got real pretentious about not ordering Spaghetti and Meatballs from an Italian restaurant because it wasn’t authentic Italian cuisine. As if I care. It tastes good, that’s all that matters.”

“ Well, he really does sound better with every new thing you tell me about him.”

(Y/N) shrugs and avoids eye contact with him. It’s strange, Bucky thinks, to see her this way. All of her bubbly personality and contagious energy are suddenly drained from her. Like someone squeezed her too tightly and pushed all the joy out.

“ Yeah he’s an asshole, I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess whatever we had going on just felt familiar and sometimes going back to something you know, even though it’s bad for you, is easier than opening yourself to something new. “

“ Wow, my therapist would love you. That sounded so smart.”

“ It did, didn’t it?,” (Y/N) says and lets out a little chuckle. It’s nice to hear her laugh even though it doesn’t hold the radiance, the pure happiness it usually does.

“She gave me some homework.”

(Y/N) looks at Bucky between bites, raising an eyebrow in intrigue. “ She did? “

“ Mmmh. I told her about you and our friendship and she thought that, because you know a lot about me, I should learn some things about you. “

(Y/N) quickly swallows the pasta before placing both her hands over her heart and staring at Bucky with an expression he can’t entirely read. There’s a glimmer of mischief in her eyes but there’s more, he just needs to figure out what exactly it is.

“ You talk to your therapist about me? Awww. That’s how you know a friendship is worthwhile. When they mention you to their therapist, that’s when you know it’s real. “

“ Aw man, now you’re just making fun of me. I take it all back. “

“ No! No, Bucky. I think that’s very sweet and it makes me feel important,” there’s a sincerity in her eyes that makes him feel a little weird. Not a bad weird. Just — different. He didn’t think this was gonna be such a big deal to her. And while he still feels extremely self-conscious about it all, he’s a little glad that he mentioned her to Dr. Reynor. Maybe it would do both of them some good, him and (Y/N).

“ It’s nice that our new friendship matters enough for you to mention it to her. Getting stood up by Russell felt like a punch in the guts. It made me feel incredibly inadequate and like I wasn’t worth enough for him to text me let alone show up. Knowing that there’s someone who thinks about me every once in a while, that’s a nice feeling. Least my friends think I’m worth it. "

Hearing those words fall from her lips sends a wave of anger and disbelief through Bucky. (Y/N) is the first person in a long while that makes him feel like he can figure out who he is and who he was and not feel guilty about it. To think she feels inadequate or like she's not good enough is just unbelievable to him.

"Just forget about that guy, he's clearly an idiot. You deserve someone who shows up. When it matters and even when it doesn't. "

"He didn't even get to try my cookies. I worked so hard on them."

"What? Oh my god, okay see - he's a damn fool. Those cookies were - so sweet. His loss, really."

(Y/N)'s laughter echoes through the halls of his empty apartment and Bucky thinks that maybe that was one of the things missing from this place to really make it a home. Emotions. Laughter and joy. Something other than fear and regret. Something other than pain.

“ Bucky, you’re so nice but you don’t have to lie. I know the cookies weren’t all that great. “

“ No! They were good, they were just — very sweet. And you know what? You deserve a guy who eats them anyway.”

She doesn’t give him a reply to that comment and maybe it doesn’t ask for one either. Some statements don’t need answers, they just are.

“ Hey, do you want my last meatball? “ he asks, and at her smile and enthusiastic nod, he rolls it from his plate onto hers.

“ Now what movie did you bring? “

“ Oh boy, “ (Y/N) proclaims and looks at Bucky with an unwavering excitement “ you’re in for a wild ride. Tonight we’re doing a double feature.”

“ Bringing the big guns, huh? “

“ You have no idea. Tonight we’re watching Grease 1 and 2. “

Two couples stare back at Bucky from the bubblegum-colored DVD case (Y/N) pulls from her purse. Something about the bright colors and the over-the-top hairstyles makes Bucky think that these movies won’t be the absolute pinnacle of sophisticated filmmaking.

“ What’s the lesson this time?“

“ Eh, “ (Y/N) says and shrugs “ when I was younger I thought it was meant to teach you that if you want to be with someone you can overcome any obstacle. No matter how different you seem or what other people might think. Now that I’m an adult I think it’s just about the 50s aesthetic and the killer musical number. “

“ Musical numbers? “

“ Mmmh. And well, the second one is pure garbage but it’s so bad it’s good. It also helps that Michelle Pfeiffer and Maxwell Caulfield look absolutely gorgeous in this film. “

“ So this isn’t gonna help me with my romance skills then? “

(Y/N) regards him for a second, purses her lips, and taps the side of her face as she thinks about her answer. “ I mean, the second movie is basically about how cool men who ride motorcycles are. Do you ride a motorcycle? “

“ I do actually. “

“ What? Oh, you just got 10 times cooler. One could say you’re a — cool rider.”

Bucky furrows his eyebrow in confusion.

“ Don’t worry, Grumpy. You’ll get the reference later.”

“ If I’m Grumpy, which of the 7 dwarves are you? “

“ Sleepy? “

“ Dopey? “

“ No. How about Happy ?”

It’s meant to be silly, just a joke really, but Bucky can’t help but think that it fits her. Even when she’s sad, there’s an infinite positivity in her eyes, an aura of joy and happiness and being around her is just so easy.

“ You know what? I think that’s the one. “

“ I like it. Now — let me introduce you to the students of Rydell High.”

“ What in the world did you just make me watch? “ Bucky asks as the end credits to Grease 2 roll across the tv screen. Lady is snuggled up in his lap and his right hand lazily combs through her soft fur.

“ Two absolute masterpieces. “

“ In the first one they flew away in a car. And that second one, I don’t even know what to say.”

“ Because it was so good? “

“ Mmmmh no. That's not why. “

"Oh please, you can admit you l-" a big yawn interrupts her words and Bucky notices just how tired she looks right then.

"You're tired." It's not a question, more an observation.

"Mmmh Lady and I should probably head out."

He doesn't want her to leave. Disappointment, it's a feeling he knows very well, it's familiar and almost comfortable. Usually, though, that disappointment is directed towards himself. A lovely dose of self-deprecation. This time it's different. This time he's disappointed about the situation. About the prospect of being alone again. Alone in his empty box of an apartment.

The anxiety of letting someone in is slowly being overshadowed by his fear of being alone again. With his thoughts and his failures and the images of all the faces that have ever looked at him in fear.

"You can stay"

"Bucky … you don't have a couch. Where would I sleep?"

"Bed," he says as if it's the most obvious of all answers ever given.

"Grumpy, I'm not taking your bed."

"I'm not sleeping there anyway."

"Why?"

Her eyes are so soft and gentle as the question tumbles from her lips. So full of concern. For him. Concern and care, for him. It's not like he deserves it but it's a nice feeling either way.

"It's too soft."

It's painfully obvious that she knows there's more to it, that his words hold more gravity and weight than just that simple fact.

She doesn’t push it though and for that Bucky is eternally grateful. Sure, talking to her is easy and it helps him in some way or another. But this, his nightmares and his trauma and the faces that won't leave his thoughts, that haunt him as soon as he falls asleep, that's a can of worms he's not ready to open yet.

"Where do you sleep?"

"Floor."

"Oh, Grumpy. Hey uh - how about we both stay on the floor? You're in luck too because I also have a live version of Grease the musical we can watch."

He doesn't necessarily want to watch another movie where they sing pretty much every two minutes but if it means she'll stay, he'll do it. 

" Okay then."

"Okay."

That night, Bucky sleeps on the floor just like he does every night only this time there's a friend with him just a few meters away , close enough but not suffocating, and a dog resting on his chest, softly breathing gentle breaths.

That night Bucky sleeps on the floor just like he does every night only this night, there are no nightmares.

Taglist // If you want to be added or taken off just message me //:

@zaynzierulez - @je-like-you - @dracoxxyoflam​ - @jackiehollanderr​ - @majo240820 - @kay-gilles - @booksb4looksstuff - @jckie94 - 

[heyheyloki]

Meddle About

Summary: Spencer starts to get jealous of your relationship with Derek

Spencer Reid x M!Reader

Requested.

Word Count: 2775

Another day, another case. That’s just how it is for you. While you did work more than sleep, which you swear should be illegal, you did have some form of entertainment. The entertainment coming from your friends, but more specifically Derek Morgan. The two of you weren’t a pair to be messed with, in fact, most people you two meet end of thinking you both are dating. Which, isn’t the case. In fact, you already had eyes on someone. Though, when you act the way towards Derek to your other co-worker and friend Spencer Reid, you get the vibe that he’s uncomfortable with your flirting. So, you stopped, and so now your comments have only been at Derek, and sometimes Hotch but that’s only to piss him off. 

You weren’t the most corporative in the morning, in fact Hotch and Rossi tried to make it a priority to stay away from you until you had at least two full cups of coffee. However, your foul morning mood was something that Derek had fun playing with.

Before you could sit down at you desk, an arm snaked its way around your shoulders and halting you from moving any further. You knew who it was, so when you turned your head to stare at Derek’s smiling face, you gave him an unimpressed and frankly annoyed look. 

“Can I help you with something, Morgan?” You hissed. You never call him by his last name, even at work. 

“Ouch, now that’s cold.” He stated. “You need to learn how to be a morning person.”

“I don’t think that skill is required to do my job, but I’ll make sure it keep it in mind, sugar.” You yawned out. 

“Jeez, you are a hand full in the morning.”

“You’re just figuring that out now?” You stated. A pause started between the two of you before laughter surrounded the both of you in a peaceful and relaxing manner. 

After, you shooed Derek’s arm off your shoulder and moved down to sit at your desk. You looked up at the handsome man with a soft, playful smirk as he lowered his body down and gripped the arm rests of your chair. His face was close, but you didn’t mind. 

You started him up and down, making sure he noticed your eyes wonder before asking, “Damn, what did I do to deserve such a nice view?”

Derek moved his head on a tilt, his enchanting smile on full display. “Who knows, but I could totally give you a better one.”

“Yeah?” You hummed out. You were about to make a rather teasing and dirty comment before noticing a fellow co-working walking in. He had two cups of coffee in his hands as well as a purple scarf wrapped around his neck and draped over his sweater. “Oh, Spence is here.”

Derek’s playful mood died down quickly as he stood up straight and allowing you room to breath without being hit by his cologne. When Spence came in front of the two of you, he was biting both of his lips as he stared awkwardly between you both.

“Good morning,” you hummed out with a gentle smile.

“Morning.” He awkwardly stated before noticing the beverages in his hands. He soon after outstretched his arm to you, offering you the other coffee. “Got you this. Your favorite.”

“Oh, thanks, Spence.” You said as you tried to hide your nerves from the one in front of you. It wasn’t like he did this everyday, and the fact that he did at least told you that he thinks about you when you aren’t around. 

“It’s no problem,” he uttered out before shuffling out to his own desk, which wasn’t too far from your own. 

You smiled softly to yourself as you took a sip of the coffee Spence got for you, completely disregarding the other that started to get cold. It wasn’t until you heard some laughing that you looked up and started to notice Derek still hanging around. He took this time to take a seat on the corner of your desk, basically claiming that spot as his. 

“You got pretty boy wrap around your finger, don’t you?” He laughed out. He wasn’t even asking a question, more like stating a fact.

“What the hell are you talking about?” You asked as you removed your lips from the plastic top.

“Just now,” Derek said as his face contorted into pure confusion. “Wait, you’re telling me you’re a profiler and you can’t even figure out on your own how much pretty boy likes you?”

You stared at your friend for a moment. While your heart jumped at the words, you know in your gut it wasn’t logical. “I don’t think so. I mean, he always looks so uncomfortable when I try and make a move so, that’s probably not likely.”

“He just awkward.” Derek stated, the words itself making you raise a brow as you took another sip of the coffee.

“Still don’t think that’s the case,” you hummed out as you turned back to your desk that was littered in paper work. “Thanks for trying to make me feel better though.”

The case was another gruesome one. Three dead, one missing. It was purely FBI jurisdiction thanks to the killer kidnapping the fourth victim in the next state over. You were at least glad you didn’t have to deal with local cops, seriously, most if not all of the times they would be complete assholes. 

When you got on the plane you took your seat next to Derek and across from Hotch and Reid. Everyone else scrambled about the private jet. This was the usual seating pattern that would happen, and then on the way back home you’d probably switch out for the couch to take a nap.

“You got your two cups in?” Hotch asked cautiously, his eyes piercing into yours.

“I got three actually.” You hummed out as you flipped through the case file. Though, you soon put it down on the table and crossed your forearms over it. Your body leaning forward as you asked with a suggestive smirk, “If you have a question just ask, Hotch. C’mon, I don’t bite.”

You noticed your boss tense up before letting out a sigh, his eyes going back to his own file as he mumbled, “Why did we hire you again?”

“I heard that.” You stated with a dull tone of voice. You leaned back into your seat, the small chuckles of a familiar someone coming into your ears. You turned your head to Derek who had an annoying smile plastered all over his face. “You got something to say, chuckles?”

“Hm? Me?” Derek sarcastically asked. “I don’t know why you have to lie to Hotch like that.”

“And how exactly am I lying?” You questioned, everyone’s attention now drawn to the conversation at hand. 

“Well,” Derek trailed off as he moved closer to your body, his eyes never unlocking from yours. “If my memory serves me correct, you do bite.”

You heard a few of your co-workers laugh in amusement at the response, others kept to themselves with a small smile, and one remained unnaturally quiet as he watched. 

You playfully shoved Derek back. “In your dreams, lover boy.”

Derek’s smile never faltered, in fact, you swear it grew larger. “You, sugar, are the only thing I wish to see in my dreams.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that one, your elbow coming out to rest on the table as your hand suddenly now held onto your face. Your gaze kept on your best friend before saying with a seductive tone, “If you keep talking like that then maybe it doesn’t have to be only in your dreams.”

While Derek did keep your attention, Derek himself couldn’t help but gaze over at Reid for a moment. He hadn’t heard from the genius for most of the plane ride, and when he looked at him, he instantly knew why. His gaze was flickering between his work and you, this look of irritation and uncertainly heavy in his chestnut hues. Derek has seen a lot of sides of Reid, after all he was like a brother to him. However, this look was new on Reid, though it was one Derek could identify easy. His little genius brother was brimming with jealousy.

During the case Derek got paired with Reid while you stayed at the local police station to set up a timeline for everyone when they get back. As the two were driving to see the family of the kidnapped victim, it was uncomfortably silent. Derek was currently driving so it didn’t bother him so much, but he could tell Reid was on edge with his foot tapping. 

“Yanno, kid, you’re going to have to do a lot better to get [Name] to notice you instead of just getting him coffee every now and then.” Derek suddenly said, his words making Reid immediately gaze over at him and finally stop his tapping foot.

“What’re you talking about?” He asked.

“Playing dumb isn’t one of your strong traits, yanno.” Derek said. “I see the way you look at him.”

Reid sighed, giving in. “Why are you telling me this? Don’t you like him?”

Derek couldn’t help but laugh at that one. He knew he shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t control it. “Me and him? Listen, pretty boy, unlike you two I only like women.”

Derek watched Reid’s face flush up with a soft pink color, his eyes keeping to the ground as he said a quiet and nervous, “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, kid.” Derek hummed out. “But instead of getting jealous, maybe ask him out.”

It wasn’t until later in that day that Spencer actually saw you again. You were tapping a pen against your forehead as you wrote up a report for the day for Hotch. It was something he made you do frequently, so it wasn’t an unfamiliar sight to see. Reid knew you didn’t notice him until he sat down besides you by the way you flinched.

Spence pressed his lips together awkwardly before letting out a soft, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You let out a few deep breaths before a smile come onto your lips. “It’s fine, Spence. Why don’t you keep me company until I finish this up? I’ll make it worth your while.”

Reid’s eyes flicked everywhere but your gaze when you said that. There was something suggestive in the tone of your voice when you spoke that last sentence. The way it flowed off your tongue and the way your eyes sparkled with a hint of sin made thoughts flood into Reid’s mind like raging waters. He thought things that he thought he would be able to suppress around you after all this time, but that didn’t seem to be the case. 

“Uh, okay,” he uttered out as he watched your hand come out to touch his own that laid on the table in a comforting and friendly manner. He knew that’s how it was intended to be, but when your skin touched his own it was like you lit a match to his skin and made it burn with no remorse.

You smiled and nodded before going back to your work, your lips taking in the end of the pen. Reid knew it as a habit of yours when you were thinking, it was your faster way of getting things. A more rushed way. This fact alone made Reid shuffle a bit in his chair. He began to question you were so eager to finish up your work, it wasn’t like he had any plans after.

“You don’t have to rush, yanno, I, uh, don’t have anywhere to go.” Reid said in an attempt to make you slow down.

You didn’t look up from your paper as you began to write. “It’s okay, I wanna get this down so we can do something. I don’t want to keep you waiting.”

As soon as you said that, Reid went quiet as his thoughts spiraled like a love-sick school boy. There was calmness in your tone, yes, but the words themselves made his heart pound like a tiny machine gun. His nerves were through the roof and he felt like if he got caught staring it would be like his secret would be scattered about the room for you to easily identify. 

He couldn’t get over a lot of things about you, the most obvious ones were your smile, personality, and eyes. Though, the more complex ones dug deep into your personality. He loved the way you freely showed yourself off. There was thing one time you both went undercover and instead of treating it professionally, you made it seem natural, like you were just out on the town with your boyfriend. 

Boyfriend.

The word itself was so foreign to Spencer. He didn’t normally think about stuff like that, but when it came to you, every time he saw you he wished that you would greet him with that smile you show off to Derek and say with a loving tone of voice, “Hey, baby!”

“Spence?” A voice called out to him. Spencer completely had gotten back into reality when he heard your voice, his mind suddenly focusing 1000% on you when he stared into his eyes that he got lost in. You somehow had infected his mind, his veins, almost like a drug. However, his was one he didn’t want to get off of.

“Spence? You okay there?” You asked with a concerned tone, your gaze softer than normal. “You spaced out for a minute there and you rarely space out unless it’s about something important. Spill it, boy genius.”

“Huh?” Spence said quickly, his pitch going higher than normal for a moment. “What do you mean?”

You turned your chair so you could face Spence more, your pen dropping on the almost done paper. “Spill it, what is that big brain of yours thinking about? It’s got to be important for you to literally space out on me of all people.”

“Okay,” Spence nodded as he bite both of his lips. He leaned forward, closing more distance between the both of you. “Have you ever wanted to kiss someone, a lot, but, uh, you just couldn’t?”

Spencer didn’t know why but he almost saw a hint of sadness rise to the surface of your memorizing colored eyes that he could get lost in. His heart felt like it skipped a beat for a solid moment, he could feel it from the minute it started to the final moment that it ended.

“Well, I mean,” you uttered. Your voice was softer than normal but you quickly regained your confidence when you said, “What’s exactly stopping you?”

Reid’s eyes danced around for a moment. “I don’t want to be wrong.”

You sighed as you leaned back in your chair. “Spence, no offense, but I highly doubt anyone wouldn’t want to kiss a guy like you.”

“A guy like me?” Reid asked and licked his lips. “I’m not, uh, I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You’re a great guy, Spence. I mean, you’re smart, have a great job at a hella young age, you do that thing with your lips when you’re nervous, spit out random facts when no one asks,” you laughed. Your words trailing off before softly saying, “and well, you’re just you.” 

Spencer was at a loss for words, his eyes darted between your eyes and lips. He hesitated, though only for a moment until those words you spoke came back to him, “What’s stopping you?”

In his mind, he lost all reason to have a specific reason. Then, it happened. Without any warning Spencer leaned in as fast as he could and connected his lips to yours, his hands cupping your face to make the kiss as passionate as possible. There was a small pause in the beginning though, a pause to make sure you were okay with it. However, when he heard you softly whispered, “kiss me again,” he knew he had finally won.

Outside of the small office Reid and you were in, a few agents stared at the display from the outside. Hotch rolled his eyed before walking away while Rossi, JJ, and Morgan stayed for a moment.

“Finally,” JJ said. “How long have those two liked each other?”

“I would say maybe since [Name] got here,” Rossi suggested. “I’m pretty sure I saw Reid give him actually heart eyes this once time at a meeting.”

“Those two need to get a room, look, Reid is all over him like some kind of starved dog.” Morgan said as he leaned his head a bit to side to get a better view. “I’m pretty sure I saw a hand go somewhere it’s not supposed to go.”

“Let’s give them some privacy.” JJ said with a smile as she dragged the two older man by their arms out of the building forcefully.

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[dinner-djarin]

dar'manda (Mando x f!reader)

Chapter 1: The Only Way Out is Through

Summary: Things have been quiet since The Mandalorian's disappearing act on Nevarro. However, things change quickly at his sudden return, and the changes are sure to impact your own life. That is, if you don't screw it up for yourself.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, yearning/awkward flirting/reader doesn’t know how to act around Mando, Cara Dune lol (I feel like she needs a warning)

Word Count: 3.8k

Prologue - Next

In the weeks that the Mandalorian had been gone, things on Nevarro had taken a turn for the worse. Ever since making his grand escape, remaining Imperial officers seemed to get word of a Mandalorian bounty hunter gone rogue. He took some sort of “package” right out of their hands, and they really didn’t like that. So, they sent out every bounty hunter idiotic enough to go after a Mandalorian. And to double their efforts, they effectively made Nevarro their new base.

Well, that probably wasn’t exactly accurate, but either way it seemed like every stormtrooper left was sent to keep watch in case their prize ever returned.

You could not imagine that anyone would be stupid enough to come back to the place where they so flagrantly disregarded every rule of the Guild, and yet – there he was. Walking into town at the side of his...former boss. As he approached however, you noticed he probably wasn't there by choice. His hands were bound in front of him, and a muscley looking woman, with a very large gun, was not too far behind them. Well then, you think to yourself, I guess no one crosses the Guild, not even Mando.

Just as they enter town you being to consider the precarity of your own situation. With the town being occupied by stormtroopers, times are tough. Curfews have been put in place and wandering through town is highly discouraged. The marketplace has turned into a ghost town as people have become less and less inclined to spend time outside of their homes. They might come by for the basics, but business is definitely not what it used to be. So, you often find yourself with “free time” – moments you should realistically be working – where you instead spy on the invaders who have ruined your already unpleasant life. Basically, the exact thing you were doing in that very moment.

It's a matter of fate that he showed up just as you made your way to the town entrance. Even more so when you overhear a conversation between the Guild leader and the Mandalorians captor.

“Things got really heated once Mando crashed the safehouse” you hear the Guild leader say.

“Slip him his blaster” whispers the woman. These words bring you utter confusion. Did she mean slip Mando his blaster?

“Not yet,” he says under his breath.

And suddenly you are more confused than before. Why would she say something like that? How did any of this make sense? You’re thankful you were not seen as they pass by you, but you think you perceive a subtle change in the reflection from the shiny metal helmet that your eyes have been locked on to. His gaze fell to the metal orb that was trailing the trio through the city centre. When he looked back up however, he did not return his gaze to the direction he had been looking previously. Now you think, and you know it’s completely self-centred of you to do so, but you feel like he is staring straight at you. You don't think he would be able to see into the shadows that were providing your cover, but something about the angle of his visor as he walks by sends a shiver down your spine.

The three of them and the metal orb enter the cantina and you adjust your position in attempt for a better view. Only a few minutes later does a blaster shot eviscerate the long transparisteel window on the front wall of the building, allowing you a glimpse of the chaos inside. A plethora of various blaster bolts ricochet through the building, evidence that the situation was drastically more complicated than you initially observed. However, the next events prove that things could still get worse for the group inside.

From the safety of your hiding spot, you see the scene unfold. The entire courtyard of the village is filled with stormtroopers in seconds, and then you hear it. The unmistakable screech that has haunted you since you were young. A sound that would forever be branded into your head, as it signaled the end of your childhood. The last time you heard that sound was the last time you saw your father and brother.

The Tie Fighter lands right in front of the cantina, completely blocking your view of any further events. You take that as your sign to get the hell out of there, knowing the level of destruction that is sure to follow. Even with the high amount of adrenaline pumping through your veins, you manage to keep a level head and find your way back to the marketplace, where most other citizens are gathered.

You quickly alert everyone to the impending danger nearby, and although some are slow to react, they begin to gather their belongings and search for safety.

Luckily, you recall a nearby alley that would lead to the part of town furthest away from the calamity, and you tell them all to make their way there immediately. Once you were sure that no one was left behind you head towards the alley only for an explosion to go off somewhere near the cantina. And although the source of the blast is far enough away not to injure you, the shockwave ripples through a one of the buildings, whose integrity was already questionable, causing it to crumble and block your previously secure exit route. With your mind in panic mode, you glance over to a spot which had caught your eye a hundred times before, a spot you kept noticing the Mandalorian disappear to.

You quickly run for cover hoping no other buildings decide to fall apart in the meantime, and you find the passageway was actually concealing a staircase which led to the sewers. Unsure of where to go next, your adrenaline high mind keeps you moving fast, taking random turns, having no understanding of where the tunnels lead to and where the safest exit may be. It wasn't until you rapidly took a corner and ran straight into an armoured chest plate that your mind stopped running wild.

A few second too late you realize it wasn’t the armour you would have hoped to see. The Mandalorians captor stands in front of you, with a package wrapped in her arms. Beside her is the Guild leader. You stand there dumbstruck and panting, unsure of what move to make.

The Guild leader approaches you, but you recoil, stepping back.

“What did you do to him?” is all you can think to growl at them.

“He’s just sleeping.” She attempts to assure you, “Wait how do you know the kid?” the woman asks, evidently confused by your accusation.

“What kid? No, the Mandalorian. You captured him. I saw you two walk in to town with him handcuffed”

“Young lady, I think you are confused. Please allow me to explain our situation.” the leader states, taking another step closer to you. This time you stand your ground, making clear you want answers.

He explains his name is Greef Karga, and the woman is Cara Dune, an ex-rebel shock trooper. And despite walking into town with Mando handcuffed by their sides, they were actually all in on the plan together. However, it seems that once they got inside things went south, a habit Mando seemed to be making for himself. It turns out that this elaborate scheme was set in place in an attempt to save a tiny green baby from the Empire, which now rests in the woman’s – Cara’s – arms.

You have no idea what to think. There's no way any of this can be true. Although, you then recall the conversation you overheard as they entered the town, and everything else seems to line up with your own experiences of the past hour.

You also realize that the Child must be the reason Mando went rogue in the first place. And after sneaking a peak at his resting wrinkly face, you completely understand why. After only one look, you’d probably jump in front of speeder for that little guy.

But before you can make up your mind on whether to believe Karga or not, Mando rounds the corner being supported by a very tall, very thin droid that you recognize to be an IG unit. As they approach, Cara hands off the baby to the droid and attempts to support Mando, and for some maker-forsaken reason you decide to help too. As you slide your arm under Mando’s shoulder and rest your hand on his back you feel him tense – you know you’ve made a mistake. But it’s too late to turn back now, so you carry some of his weight and continue on down the ominous path. The only way out, is through.

Your mind is running at 100 parsecs per hour. This is the closest, physically, you’ve been to anyone in years, and if that weren't enough you seem to be in the middle of both your wildest dream and worst nightmare. You can’t remember the last time you were tucked under someone's arm, and pressed up against them so tightly, if you ever were. And in your panicked state you start to realize you’ve basically been holding your breath this whole time, making your heart beat erratically and your head throb. But just as you think you might pass out from your stupidity, the Mandalorians voice shakes you back to reality.

“Stop.” His word sends you into a new panic. Were you thinking out loud? Could he read your heartbeat through his helmet? Did he know what a complete mess you were at his touch? “I can stand,” he says, finishing his thought.

Oh thank the gods.

He lets go of you and switches something in his helmet to look for tracks, and you allow yourself to finally take a deep breath.

“We’re close,” he states. After a moment of stabilizing your heartbeat and focussing on your breath900, you quicken your pace, subtly placing yourself just behind Mando’s left shoulder as he leads the group through the tunnel. You’re close enough to catch when he mumbles, “I know you.”

“And I know you,” you respond playfully, disregarding the severity of the situation you’ve found yourself in. You’re not quite sure how Mando’s mere presence can affect you so brutally, to the point of forgetting how to act like a normal human being.

“From the market.” He doesn’t ask.

“That’s me, good to see you in one piece. I was worried when I heard about the stunt you pulled. Crossing the guild...not sure I've ever heard of anyone getting away with that.” Oh man why are you talking so much. You just need to shut up now. Literally no one wants to hear-

“Worried?” a hint of genuine curiosity hidden in his question. Well of course he found the one word in your entire sentence that incriminates you. There’s no way he doesn’t know about your crush now.

“Umm well of course, I think everyone was. It’s all anyone could talk about for weeks. Nothing that exciting has happened around here in a while,” you quickly blurt out. He turns his head for a moment and examines you.

He is silent, evidently noticing the way you awkwardly avoided his question. You stare at him trying with every muscle in your face to remain composed. You know he sees right through you – must be that bullshit reader – but you think if you maintain eye contact long enough, he’ll just move on from your stupidity. And he does.

“How did you get here?” He returns to his task of following footprints. The question and abrupt change in topic jars you, although if you had to guess, you think he must have picked up on your complete awkwardness, possibly confusing it for suspicious behaviour. You hope he doesn’t think you untrustworthy because if it.

“There were explosions, and I tried to help everyone out, but the path became blocked and the only way out was some curtain hiding a staircase.” Your explanation, you realize, now sounds completely ridiculous, especially in the flustered manner you are depicting it in. Even so, you continue, “I went to hide but it turns out it led straight down here. So, I tried to find an exit, but I bumped into them instead,” you finish, glancing behind you towards Cara and Karga.

“If you came in from the market you should have passed the covert,” Mando stated almost accusingly, increasing your worry over whether he thought trusted your story.

“I’m not sure I didn’t really see any-” but his question is immediately answered by the pile of discarded Mandalorian armour in front of you.

The Mandalorian stops, and you can see just how suddenly his body language changed. Even injured, he looked deadly as he led you through the tunnels, but at the sight of the remnants of his clan, he is weak. You can feel the sadness, remorse, and pain emanating from him all at once. And as you stand beside him you barely realize you’ve gently reached for his hand, gripping it tight and squeezing it to convey your condolence for his immense loss.

But after a moment, he moved forward and away from your grasp to kneel at the sight of his fallen brethren. Cara suggests the group leave, but he won’t. He will not leave the armour in its discarded state.

Suddenly, the mood shifts, and you see the Mandalorian transform before your eyes. He storms towards Karga, accusing that he and the Guild members must be responsible. Karga denies, but you think Mando might be on the verge of strangling him when suddenly another modulated voice fills the tunnel.

A golden warrior stands before you. Her presence shocks you. It reveals some element rooted deep, a feeling you can only describe as warm… or familiar? She explains, as she gathers the scattered armour, how revealing the covert brought the presence of Imperials. When Mando offers her to join him, she rejects, maintaining that her place is to gather the remains of her people.

You all follow her into a small room with a forge in the centre of it. “Show me the one who’s safety deemed such destruction,” she demands.

“This is the one,” Mando responds. Gesturing to the baby that was wrapped tight to the IG unit’s chest.

“This is the one that you hunted, then saved?” she asks.

“Yes. The one that saved me as well.” And with that statement you find both an answer, and more questions. That baby saved him? How the-

“From the mudhorn?” she asks.

“Yes.” he responds, making you even more confused than ever. The baby saved him from a mudhorn?

“It looks helpless” she states.

“It’s injured, but it is not helpless. Its species can move objects with its mind.” As if this conversation could get any weirder. Move objects...with its MIND.

The Armourer begins to detail battles between Mandalore the Great and some species of wizards; the species this child belongs to. She also tells Mando that he is now responsible for the baby – his foundling. And finally, she tasks him with finding these sorcerers and returning the baby to them. When Mando questions the outrageous turn of events the woman has only four words in response:

“This is the Way.” Suddenly that warm comfort you felt before resurges, but only for a moment, as Cara reminds the group of the urgency of their situation. You need to find a way out before Imperials catch your tracks. The Armourer then suggests the group find a river of lava that will lead all of you out of the tunnels. Right…

River of lava, or Imperial Troopers. What the heck did you get yourself into? Either way it seems you don’t have much of a choice. After receiving a mudhorn signet on his pauldron, the Armourer pronounces that he and the child are bound as father and son; a clan of two. Cute little family they’ll make. When the droid gets ready to defend the group from incoming Imps, it hands Cara the child who looks very uncomfortable with it, so she passes him to you.

Stunned and confused you look to the Mandalorian who shows no sign of discomfort with you holding his now adopted son, not that you’d probably be able to tell. Either way, it seems you’ve acquired a new responsibility.

Blaster fire rings just outside the room as the woman hands Mando some flying contraption, and your group decides you might need to get a move on.

You approach the lava river, only to notice the boat has melted to the docking point. Karga and Mando struggle to free it, but Cara just gives you a smug look. “You boys mind getting out of the way?” she warns only to blast the points where the boat was attached, successfully freeing it from its molten chains.

The boat quickly begins to drift from the dock, but just as you start to lift your foot over the edge to make your way inside, you feel a strong hand against your lower back, guiding you the rest of the way. Once you steady yourself on the boat you glance up at the visor which is pinned straight ahead, unwavering and unwilling to meet your gaze. His seemingly disinterested reaction makes you anxious to know the true intention of his touch. He must just realize your safety is attached to the bundle you are currently cradling against your chest. Obviously, he is only looking out for the child, you just happen to be the person responsible for his transportation. If Cara were the one holding his son, he’d probably be helping her instead. Right? Simple as that.

Even so, you can't help but notice the way his hand flexes after it returns to his side.

For just a moment your mind slips, and you let yourself think that there might be something there. That the short conversations and fleeting looks shared all those weeks ago might have held more weight than you believed. That when you were admiring his head-to-toe armor upgrade, he may have been examining you back. That he might have actually liked the fact that you worried about him in his absence. You allow yourself to think that underneath that metal, stands a man who might be gentle, and kind. A man who helps you into a boat when he himself is injured. One who is willing to leave behind everything he knows in order to ensure the security of a child.

You snap back to reality, however, when Karga notices the light at the end of the tunnel. But just when you think that your journey is almost over, Mando informs you otherwise. A battalion of stormtroopers line the edges of your only exit route. No one in your group can come up with any satisfactory solution, until the IG unit comes forward.

“They will not be satisfied with anything less than the child. This is unacceptable. I will eliminate them, and you will escape.”

Mando is quick to point out that the droid would never make it past the troopers, but the droid insists. Apparently, his manufacturer's protocol dictates that he cannot be captured and must self-destruct. He asks that Mando look over the Child once he is gone, and you swear you can hear a hint of sadness through his filtered voice. Your hypothesis is confirmed by the IG unit, and your heart warms slightly for the metal man. The droid reaches over to say goodbye to the child for the last time, patting him gently on the head, then steps into the lava river and heads down towards the mouth of the cave. You all stare silently as you watch him approach the troopers when suddenly-

Fire consumes your vision, and it overwhelms your senses. Not having actually seen an explosion in your life you seem to be the only one on the boat who is at all fazed by the sudden wall of heat and deafening boom created by IG-11’s sacrifice. In the process you cover the child with your body and wince back into the hard wall behind you. Cradling the child and shielding yourself, you almost don’t notice when the wall grabs your hip and steadies you in front of it.

Suddenly, you’re flushed with embarrassment, realizing all at once the wall was the Mandalorian and both of his hands were still gripped onto you, holding you tight against his chest plate.

But your shock only lasts a moment before the unsettling screech of a Tie Fighter pierced your ears for the second time that day. And before you could process, the Mandalorian was using his body as a shield, protecting you and the child from the blasts, and simultaneously shooting at the new threat barreling towards your group.

Will this day ever end, is the only thought in your head before Mando is flying through the air using the jetpack given to him by the Armourer only minutes ago. However, you distinctly remember her saying he would need time to get used to it before it would ‘listen to his commands’. Nevertheless, he jerks through the sky in a desperate attempt to bring the Tie down.

You watch as one of the wings are ripped off by an explosion and the tie crashes to the ground. The Mandalorian lets go just in time and falls quickly towards the ground, igniting his jetpack at the last second to make a rough landing right in front of you.

The child squirms in your arms at the first sign of peace so you set him down gently. He awkwardly runs over to Mando and hugs his leg, creating possibly the cutest sight you had ever seen. Again, your heart can’t help but melt for the new little family, and you wonder how these two are going to get by. A child with magical powers, and a father who’s built to kill. Not a pairing you would bet on.

Cara and Karga then try to convince Mando to stay on Nevarro and help the both of them sort out the aftermath of today's events. But the Mandalorian insists on sticking to his mission. The child is now his first priority and finding a group of near-extinct ancient sorcerers does not sound like easy work.

“We have a long road ahead of us, but the journey is necessary. I must return him to his kind, no matter how long it takes.” You hear him reason with the pair, refusing their kind offers to remain on the planet with them.

If you know one thing about the Mandalorian it's that everything he does is completely intentional. No one could force Mando into something he doesn’t want to do. If he is sure of this path, he will follow it through till the end.

And from your short interactions, you know he spends time forming his thoughts in order to get his point across. Each sentence is carefully crafted so that they are clear and concise. You know he means every word.

Maybe that's why the next words out of his mouth come as a complete shock to you.

“Would you like to join us?” he asks directly to you.

What the kriffing heck did he just say? You're so taken aback that you embarrassingly bark out your response, your brain evidently getting no time to process the question, so instead if vomits out the first word it can think of: “No”.

You follow it with polite ‘thank you’s’, hoping to erase the awkward tension in the air, and the Mandalorian jetpacks off with the child leaving you to dwell on your utter stupidity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

Notes: Honestly, I hate this chapter too wow. I really spent so long trying to edit this into something I could bare to publish, but I still really hate it. I did not want to write a chapter like this, but I also needed a way to put the reader into the story and the only way I could think to do that was by using an existing episode. So here we are. But I SWEAR, after this it gets good. Like not only does the story get good, but so does my own writing (relatively) so if you just bare through this, I think you’ll enjoy the rest.

Taglist: @peppywitch @tobealostwanderer @thecraftyartist

If you wanna be included in the tag list let me know! The next parts are gonna get great. I hope