#but between her and my sister making my mental illness about them and

[just-some-random-blogger]

Tormented Spirit | 14

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."

Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 4k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, DD:DNE, pregnancy, miscarriage, panic/anxiety attacks, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: as always please consider leaving me a comment/reblog ok. OH AND I NEARLY FORGOT. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF THE LOVELY READERS SHO SENT ME INFORMATION ABOUT CPR/MEDIEVAL HEALTHCARE. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. | cross posted on ao3

@arabellasleopardcoat @prettybiching @myllovellybones @ashton-trashton

You clutch you chest as you walk into your bedroom. You lean back onto the wooden door after closing it and slowly sink to the ground. You gasp for air as a myriad of emotions cut through you.

You stare off into space, reeling from the entire interaction. You start when you hear a knock on the door. You hear the voices of your servants. You turn to the knob, reach up for it, and slowly open it from where you sat.

"Princess?" worried voices call.

Your voice is small, "I'm here."

A servant peeps her head through the small opening and gasps when she sees you. She slinks her way in, and soon does the other one. They both help you up and fuss over you. You tell them you only need help getting dressed, nothing more.

Your servants manage to make you look like a princess after dressing you and fixing your hair. They even paint your lips and cheeks with rouge, making it as though you weren't look so ghastly.

You feel ghastly as you make your way to the maester's ward though. Dread grows with each step you take, thus why you move so sluggish. You only snap out of it when you hear someone call for you.

"AUNT!"

You come alive at the sight of Aegon running over. You find his mother smiling behind him, clutching her belly as she followed after the boy. You crouch down and reach for him.

Aegon giggles as he jumps into your arms, "AUNT!"

You kiss his temple and embrace him fondly, "sȳz ñāqes, ñuha valītsos." Good morning, my boy.

You grunt as you stand with the young prince in your arms. Alicent is soon before you, "good morn," she smiles, though it flattens when she sees your eyes, "sister..."

You shake your head, "it's Daemon."

The queen clenches her jaw.

Aegon finds interest in the jewel on your neck. He takes it in his hand and tries to eat it. You turn to him and shush him, moving his hand away.

"What did he do to you?" your sister asks.

"Not to me," you turn to her, "to my wards."

Alicent knits her brows.

"They..." you sigh. The image of Daemon's bloody face haunts you, "they brawled outside my bedroom."

"What?" she pulls her head back.

"His face was bloody..." your voice shakes, "and... he said things to me-"

"Aunt, cake!" Aegon announces, grabbing your cheeks.

Alicent turns to her son, pushing his hands off you, "darling, mummy said you'll get cake later."

Aegon whines, "cake!"

You turn to Aegon, shushing him momentarily before turning back to Alicent, "I slapped him."

Your sister freezes, a line forming between her brows. She takes a moment before replying, "you slapped Daemon?"

You simply stare at her as Aegon throws his head back and whines, "CAKEEEEE!"

You watch as the boy begins to squirm whilst crying out for cake. You try to calm him, but eventually, Alicent takes him from you. She manages to calm the boy by offering to play with him instead. Aegon scratches his teary eyes, turning to you. He points.

You stroke his head, "I'll play with you later."

He whines, "NOOOOO!"

"My love," Alicent whispers against his cheek, "aunt has to go-"

"NOOO!"

"I just have to go get cake for you, Aegon," you shush him, "you want cake, right?"

Aegon pouts as tears stream down his face.

"Why don't you go play with mummy and aunt will get cake for us?"

Alicent kisses Aegon's tears away and he nods. The boy sighs, "no long."

You nod in understanding, "no, sweetheart. I will not take long."

With that, you leave your nephew and sister, continuing your walk to the maester's ward. When you arrive, your stomach drops as the arguing you hear coming from inside.

When you open the door, the room goes silent. You immediately lock eyes with Daemon who was standing next to your maester.

"Oh, thank the gods," the old man says.

You walk in with knit brows, "what is happening?"

"The prince refuses that I tend to his wounds," the maester says, handing you an iron tray that had both a damp and dry cloth, "he insists only on receiving care for you, my princess."

Of course. You stare at the tray, recalling years ago when he did the same after his tourney, the wordlessly take it. You examine the room, quickly finding your wards sitting on cots.

They stand to attention when you turn to them and nod, "princess."

Daemon feels his hand tremble as you walk towards them.

"Are you two well?"

The twins examine your demeanor before nodding slowly, "yes."

"Have you any injuries?"

"No."

"Good," you nod, "you may leave."

Their eyes widen.

You walk towards Daemon grabbing his arm, "sit."

"Princess?" Erryk asks, "do you mean-"

"Both," you spare them a glance, "both of you may retire."

Daemon turns to them, slowly sitting on the cot.

You turn, "I beg your pardon, maester, but would you do me a favor?"

Erryk is silenced. Arryk feels dread in his stomach as he nods, "we shall away then, my princess."

"How might I serve, princess?" the maester asks.

Daemon watches the twins walk out, awfully pleased with himself, until he feels his head begin to throb.

"Would you please go to the kitchen and request cake be delivered to Aegon?"

The maester is taken aback by the request but otherwise nods, "of course."

"Thank you," you nod, watching him leave.

Daemon does the same.

The moment it's just you and him, he turns to you, finding your eyes are already on him. He clenches his jaw, regretting it when it makes the pain in his nose flare.

Your sigh, walking towards him. You start when he touches your hip.

His lips part as consequences, "I-"

"Don't speak," you take the damp towel and hand him the tray, "I do not wish to speak to you as I tend to your wounds."

Daemon withdraws the hand he had on your hip in lieu of taking the tray. The metal thing felt blistering and heavy. He lowers his head.

"Don't move," you snap, grabbing his chin. When he lifts his head, you quickly retreat your hand, realizing you were about to force his gaze up which would have hurt him. You didn't want to hurt him, regardless of how he made you feel.

Daemon does not think this is why you pull away; he thinks the look of him disgusted you, especially in this state. His grip on the tray tightens.

You could tell his nose was broken from how his eyes were swollen. Many an occasion has this happened to Gwayne. You sigh and shake your head, "you should have let the maester see to your nose at least."

It was strange that now that you were before him, he could barely feel the pain on his face, not because it was gone but because felt it every where, most especially in his chest.

"It's broken," you mutter, placing a hand on his cheek.

Daemon leans back to allow you more access to his face. He so badly wanted to lean into your touch, but he was afraid you'd pull away again. Instead, he closes his eyes, "is it crooked?"

You examine his nose, "no," you trace his bridge with your thumb.

His breath hitches and his skin pricks with goosebumps.

"But a vein must have ruptured from the hit," you say as you wipe the blood off him.

Daemon involuntarily winces.

You immediately pull back, "I-"

He opens his eyes and snatches your hand.

You stare at each other for a long moment.

He brings your hand to his cheek, "think nothing of it," his eyes are watery. His thumb rubs your skin, "do not pull away."

When he releases you, you finish off wiping the red off his skin until all that was left on his face were purple bruises and split skin. You comb his hair back with your fingers and it makes his brows furrow. You sigh, take the tray from him, and set it aside, "I did not mean for that to hurt."

"It didn't," he mutters, watching you go through the objects on the maester's table. You take the ointment and turn back to him. He adds, "I liked it."

You grit your teeth and swipe a dollop of salve on your finger.

Daemon notices your reaction, "are you angry with m-"

"I told you not to speak," you snap for the second time.

His lips part, but only a sigh comes out.

You inhale sharply.

He can feel your hand tremble as you rub the ointment on his wounds. It hurts, not because of the pressure you apply on his skin, but because he knows your anger is the cause of your tremors.

You look him once over after tending to his cuts then examine his body, "anywhere else you're injured, prince?"

"Daor," he mutters, shaking his head, "sepār ñuha prūmia." No, just my heart.

You chuckle dryly at his words, quickly turning away from him to shake your head in disbelief.

Daemon swallows a lump that forms in his throat, "kostilus." Please.

You turn to him, scratching your eyes. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of him. "Skoros yno?" What of mine?

His eyes follow you as you sit down next to him. He shifts in his spot to face you.

You grip the cot, "gaomagon ao pendagon ñuha prūmia ēza daor ōdrio." You take a deep breath before turning to him. Do you think my heart has no wound?

He sees the tears build in your eyes. He reaches out to wipe it, but you recoil and do it off yourself. He curls his hand into a fist and rests it on his lap. He whispers your name and licks his lips, "it was not my intention."

"Then what was your intention then?" you quip, eyes refusing to leave his though it blurred with tears, "if not to sear holes into my heart?"

What was his intention? What was his intention? Why was it that he found your letters so gut-curling and unseemly? Why was the thought of reading your words while he was seas apart so sickening? He opens his mouth, "I do not know."

You are stunned by his response. It makes you stiffen in your spot. Your stomach sours and your breath hitches, "... you do not even know why you resent me so?"

"I do not resent you," he raises his voice slightly, "but I did bare resentment." He shakes his head, "perhaps for my brother, for your brother, for your father."

You scratch your eyes again. You sigh and nod, "I see."

Daemon's hands flinch.

"So," you knit your brows, "you cast your resentment onto me because..."

His throat tightens though his jaw slacks, "why do you insist upon this?"

"What do you mean?!" you raise.

"You insist to misunderstand me."

"I insist the opposite, you fool!" you snap, coming to a stand, "every day I wrote to you, even after I knew for certain you would not!"

The balm on Daemon's face is washed with the salt from his eyes, "I've read them."

You tense but then you shake your head, "liar."

The word makes him whimper, "last night. I read them all. I read about how you ate cake, and went to the sea, and wrote to Laenor, and-"

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" you blurt, feeling your breath grow short, "those letters were not meant to be read that way."

"But, I know your heart now," he slowly stands.

You laugh, "know my heart!"

"Or the parts you opened up to me," he reaches a hand. He sniffles; it feels like a blade up the nostrils. "If it pleases you, I would write a thousand letters in return."

You scoff, taking a step back, "you would survive three years of silence from me?"

The thought shatters him.

You watch as red drips from his nose to his lips. You do nothing but wait for his response.

He shakes his head, "I would not."

You shake your head and grab the dry towel for him. He takes it and feels his stomach drop when you begin to pace around. The closer you get to the door, the more uneasy he feels. He cannot help himself, "kostilus gaomagon daor henujagon nyke." Please do not leave me.

The thought makes you laugh, so you do. You turn to him, nearly moved to spit at his face. He so brazenly requests such a thing from you when he paid you no heed when you requested the same from him. You do not act beneath yourself though, "iksan daor tetan lēda ao." I am not finished with you.

He does not like the tone with which you speak this, and yet he says, "iksan biare." I am glad.

"Why did you ambush my wards?"

Daemon tenses.

"How did you come into my chambers if they were keeping watch outside?"

He wipes the blood off his lips, "there are secret passages to nearly every room in the castle."

You shrug and cross your arms, "did you attack them because it would be too easy to attack me?"

He pulls his head back, "do not vilify me," he shake his head, "do not presume I would ever atta-"

"YOU ARE MY VILLAIN!" your splintered resolve finally breaks. You unleash your rage by the hurtling your heel at him. Your right shoe misses Daemon by a hair, but your left shoe hits him in the shoulder when he turns to dodge your assault.

You charge at him with a guttural screech, fully intent on battering his body, but he does not let you. He grabs your wrists and easily overpowers you, calling your name out.

Daemon traps you in his arms and in return, you begin kicking him. He yelps when you kick his shin, but does not release you. He shudders as he tightens his arms around you, "kostilus, kostilus keligon. Gīda ilagon, ik—" please, please stop. Calm down, I—

"LET ME GO!" you shriek, exerting all of your strength into elbowing him.

You can't though, his hold on you was too strong. And though he hated that this was how he got to hold you, he could not help the way his face leaned into your nape to breathe in your scent. He weeps against you, begging you to calm down.

And you do, not because you want to, but because you could no longer breathe.

Daemon feels it, the exact moment you tense just to go limp. His hold on you loosens in an instant. It was a mistake because of how you flop forward. His heart leaps into his mouth as he feels your body spasm and gasp for air.

He lays you down on the cot and his eyes go wide at the sight of the veins popping out of your neck. He immediately rubs your chest and frantically calls out your name.

You looked like you were choking. A drowned man in the Stepstones immediately comes to mind.

He takes your jaw and breathes air into your mouth. A string of snot mixed with blood is drawn out between you as he pulls away to examine your face.

He had only seen it once. One of the men from the fleet was found washed up shore. When he was dragged out, they fully intended to bury him, until an Iron Born came forward.

Daemon presses his hands atop your ribs and begins to pump your chest. He does this a few times before pinching your nostrils and breathing into your mouth again. He remembered what the Iron Born called it: the kiss of life. He brings to mind the explanation the Iron Born gave when he had asked how he did it.

And as he did it on you, he could only pray that he remembered it right.

The prince could barely see from how his tears blurred his vision. It looked like you were going grey and whatever he was doing wasn't working. His voice shakes as he blurts, "kostilus, gaomagon daor henujagon nyke!" please, do not leave me.

You eyelids begin to close.

"KOSTILUS," he pumps your chest again, "vestā īlē daor tetan lēda nyke!" He shudders as he wills you to come back to consciousness. PLEASE, you said you were not finished with me!

You feel your lungs deflate. You can't seem to feel anything else.

Daemon grabs your cheeks and breathes into your mouth again, and again, and again. He presses his head to your chest and listens closely to your heart beat. Tears rush down to your skin as he screws his eyes shut. He can't hear anything. He can't hear anything.

He scoops you into you his chest and sobs into you. He mutters your name repeatedly. He cannot seem to do anything else but weep.

He takes your hand, cold and clammy, and squeezes it as he brings it to his mouth to kiss it, "please, please, please, don't leave me."

He sniffles and straightens up. Help. He should call for help. "MAESTER! MAESTER!" He comes to a stand, but his knees are weak and he crumples down to the floor.

A few moments later, a maester from one of the inner offices emerges. Seeing the distraught prince with a bloody nose, he is taken aback, "my prince-"

"HELP HER!" he howls from the floor. He tries to come to a stand, but even his arm gives in and he slips down to the floor. He resigns to his misery and lays on his back, "HELP MY WIFE!"

The maester runs to you, nearly tripping on the legs of the prince.

As Daemon groans helplessly, the maester that had gone to have cake delivered to young prince Aegon arrives. He runs up to the prince, "my prince, what has-"

"My wife is dead, isn't she?" Daemon mumbles through a sob.

The maester stiffens and turns to the other maester with wide eyes, "what has-"

"Her heartbeat is weak," the other maester blurts, "she succumbed to her affliction, no doubt."

The old man walks over Daemon and comes to your side. The one who had inspected you turns to the prince, "rise, your grace. She is not overcome. Her heart persists even in weakness."

Daemon lifts his head and scrambles to his knees. He calls your name, lips wobbling, cheeks wet with sorrow, a red streak trickled down from his nose.

"However," the same maester says as he gives way to Daemon, "I fear there is nothing else we can do but pray her heart keeps persisting." He offers the prince a towel.

He sniffles, opting to wipe his face on his sleeve. He shakes his head, "she will persist. She is not finished with me."

The maesters look at each other. One says, "we shall give you your privacy, Prince Daemon. I shall have the sept pray for her health and strength."

Daemon kneels beside your cot, squeezing one of your hands, "a blanket, maester. She is cold."

"Of course," he offers him the blanket neatly folded on the other cot.

The two maesters leave after Daemon cloaks you with a blanket. He tucks you in and brushes your brown hair away from your face. He sniffles as he looks upon you. Another bout of sobs arrest him.

He rests his head upon your lap, unwanting to put pressure upon your chest or belly. He embraces you as he despairs. His voice his broken as he says your name. He dries his tears on the blanket before coming to a stand.

He finds the maesters, all huddled up and muttering to each other in the office room.

"My prince," one says, walking over, "what is—"

"Is th-ere truly nothing to be done?" his voice cracks, low and pained.

They look at each other for a moment. One replies, "forgive us, your grace, but no."

Daemon makes a pained noise as he sniffles.

The maesters all look upon the troubled prince with pity.

"Right," he wipes his face on his sleeve, "I will bring her to our chambers then, that I may share in her embrace. Perhaps my heat and desperation with strengthen her body."

They nod as Daemon walks off.

The prince gathers you in his arms. You feel lighter than he remembers. He gazes upon your face, thinking of the day he had carried you home from the temple. He remembers your terrible prayer and gulps, "the gods do not grant such cruel things."

He walks down the halls that presently felt haunted. He can barely feel your breathing on his neck. He prays it is because has been thickened from the burns he suffered in the Stepstones.

He stops in his tracks when he sees Alicent with her son lingering in one of the halls. He and her stare at each other heatedly for a good moment. He continues walking.

Alicent turns to Aegon, "my darling, we should go inside."

"No!" Aegon whines, "AUNT!"

Daemon's chest tightens.

Alicent distracts him as Daemon comes closer, "later, my love we will-"

The distraction does not work. Aegon spots you and recognizes you too easily, "AUNT!"

Alicent tries to hold him back, but she can only do so much in her pregnant state.

Daemon stops in his tracks once more as the young boy runs up to him. Aegon, with his tiny hands and big violet eyes, reaches out for you.

Alicent runs over, "Aegon, no!" She pulls him away.

Aegon whines but stops when Daemon says, "issa ēdrure, valītsos." She is sleeping, boy.

Alicent clenches her teeth. Aegon furrows his brows, "ēdrure?" Sleep?

"Kessa," Daemon mutters, "issa olvie ēdrugī." Yes. She is very tired.

Aegon pouts, "cake!"

"Tolī. Ziry teptan ao iā kivio, gōntan ziry daor?" Later. She gave you a promise, did she not?

Aegon blinks at him and points, "sad."

Daemon tenses.

"Mundagon sodjisto ēdrugon." Sad aunt sleeps.

Daemon adjusts you in his arms as he looks off. He hastens in his way back to your shared chambers.

Alicent watches the man walk away with her sister in his arms. A shiver runs down her spine as she begins to think the worst.

Daemon changes you out of your dress and undoes your hair. He tucks you in bed before changing himself. He lights a single candle by the bedside table before lying beside you.

He nuzzles into your neck and throws his leg over yours. He rubs your bare sternum, glad to be able to feel the thumping of your heart.

His stream of tears do not seem to cease. He can now feel every fibre of pain on his face and body. He aches and aches; He aches mostly for you.

He thinks back to your last conversation. He recalls the explanation he owes you, "I did it because you spoke their names in your sleep."

You sigh heavily.

Daemon lifts his head up, hoping you would wake. You do not.

He sighs, wiping his face on his dress shirt and clarifies, "Arryk and Erryk."

He looks upon your form. Your face shines under candlelight. He longs to see it under the light of the sun and moon.

"I cannot bare to know you dream of them," he mutters, propping himself up on one arm, "you moaned their name."

Your arms are already warm but Daemon rubs them still.

"Gods know how I surely moaned your name in my sleep," he sighs, "... as I fucked other women."

You remain unmoving.

"Did they sate you, I wonder?" his throat tightens. He feels a hot tear run down his nose, "... did you moan my name when they fucked you?"

Jealously, anger, and hurt force more tears out of him. He rests his head on your chest, awfully defeated. He clutches the fabric of your nightgown as he laments with his eyes screwed shut.

"Do you dream of me?"

Warmth spreads across his cheek. He feels his snot begin to drip. He moves to wipe his nose, but feels something in the way.

You fool.

His eyes open. His lips part when he realizes your hand is on his cheek. He lifts his head, placing his hand atop yours.

"D—mon."

His breath trembles. He squeezes your hand, "I'm here." He kisses your palm.

Your eyes slowly open.

Daemon's heart skips. He laughs but quickly breaks into a sob.

You can barely see his face in the darkness, but you can feel the way his head shook as he wept. You brush your tears with your thumb and repeat the words Daemon thought he imagined you say, "you fool."

He shudders as he watches you knit your brows.

"I dream only one dream," you whisper. You grunt as you feel your head pound, "and it is neither of my wards or you."

He shifts slightly to better see you, careful to keep your hand on his face. He asks, soft and careful, "what do you dream of?"

He tenses when you pull away. He is about to beg for forgiveness for even asking, but then he realizes you merely wished to sit up. He helps you lean back on the headboard and sits beside you, hands fidgeting with the blanket, for he did not know if you wanted to hold his hand.

You don't. Your hands go to his beaten face. You sigh, "our children."

Daemon's expression slips.

"Alaeric and Alyrie," you add, gently rubbing his cheeks, "it was not Arryk nor Erryk's name I muttered, but theirs."

His hands come atop yours again. His eyes are red with tears.

"They-" your lips tremble, "-they were a moon too early."

The sound of your name spilling from his lips is horrible.

You lower your gaze and slowly pull away from him. You clutch your chest when you feel it begin to tighten. You take your time to draw in deep breaths to calm yourself.

Daemon brushes your hair back and rubs your arms.

You whine when he touches you. You pull away, "please, don't."

It is worse than a kick to the teeth how you move back. He is frantic when you look as though you wanted to leave bed. He calls out your name and immediately begins to apologize, "please. Forgive me. I will not tou-"

"I need to go for a walk," you mutter as you come to a stand.

Daemon immediately springs into action, taking your arm, helping you keep yourself upright. You grip his bicep and point to the chair, "my robe."

He immediately takes your robe and helps you put it on. He proceeds to help you slip your shoes on and you whine at the tightening of your chest. Daemon is frantic, "what is it? What is happening? What do you need?"

You shake your head and sigh, "a walk... just a walk."

Neither of you speak as you walk outside of your room. You saunter down the now dark halls holding Daemon's bicep. His gaze barely leaves you. He is focused only on your conditions.

You feel exhausted, and you turn to the prince, figuring he probably felt the same way, "it's not much farther."

He shakes his head, "where you go, I will follow."

You see the worry on his face. You do not have it in you to try and comfort him. You turn away and rub your chest.

Soon, you arrive to your destination. The gardens are lit up by the light of the stars and the moon. You move past the thick rose bushes and find the fountain that rest behind them.

Daemon is surprised by its existence.

You take notice, "my father had it commissioned for me."

He gasps when you release him and chases after your hand.

You watch as he squeezes you and shake your head, "I will just walk around the fountain, Daemon."

He turns to the said fountain, watching leaves and blossoms flow with the trickling water. He nods, "then so shall I."

Daemon secures your hand on his bicep. You do not argue, "very well."

The two of you walk around the large, rounded stone. Daemon is one again focused only on you. On the other hand, you are solely focused on loosening the tightness in your lungs.

"Will you tell me more about them?"

Them? You didn't not want to talk about them, lest you faint. You reach for a rose bud that fell into the water and fish it out. You take a moment to decide on your answer and end up shaking your head, "another time."

Daemon is disheartened by your response for he did not know if you did not want to speak of your children because of how greatly it hurt or because you simply did not want to speak to him. Still, he nods, "of course."

It does not take long for you to completely circle around the fountain. You look at the flower in your hand, "you do not have to trace all my steps."

"I do."

You turn to him.

His breath hitches.

"Why?"

He momentarily looks at the flower in your hand, "I do not want you to go where I cannot follow."

You stop in your tracks; so does he.

He stares at you, hoping you had something to say.

You don't. You continue walking.

[zenless-zideblog-zero]

There's something about the fact that Section 6, the Canonically strongest Faction in game, has a ton of problems and difficulties.

Asaba has a Terminal Illness with no cure that Specifically and actively hinders his ability to do his specific Job. He will straight up turn into an ethereal at some point, if he doesn't succumb to cardiac arrest or asphyxiate first because of it.

Yanagi has Oni blood in her Veins, and if she uses too much of the power available to her she's liable to become incredibly injured or just outright die because it's Hysterical Strength x1000. It also, seemingly has caused her eyes to become messed up, and can make her go blind at random.

Soukaku's older Sister died due to Illness or War (Likely a combination of both.) Her mental trauma causes her to always almost always feel the need to eat, to fill the parts of her heart that feel empty. (Also my Headcanon is that Oni Develop slower than humans - Soukaku, despite being "Older than Yanagi" is at a much lower level of Maturity in terms of lifespan and physical/mental development. So she's basically a child soldier.)

Miyabi Straight up fights demons. In her sword. And With her sword. She killed her own mother to save her from becoming an ethereal. She doesn't always understand what's socially acceptable to say in a given situation (Neurodivergent), when it's appropriate to correct someone (Neurodivergent), can't stand meetings and paperwork (That's Everyone, but Neurodivergent), Believes she only exists to do one thing, that she's only truly capable of doing one thing, or has to add the modifier of "Training" to do certain things (Very Neurodivergent) and will just disassociate in public when she begins focusing on her thoughts too much (INCREDIBLY Neurodivergent).

And we've seen people act 'Normal' and not suffer from diseases in ZZZ! Nicole is incredibly Socially and (Somewhat) Financially adept, Lycaon might struggle somewhat in casual social circumstances, but he's very much capable LITERALLY anywhere else, Anton's a bit of a meathead but he's incredibly kind and well meaning, Corin has Anxiety and Confidence issues but other than that she seems to be a fairly normal (Mentally) Sixteen year old. Ellen is straight up just a Highschooler! I could go to my local high school and find someone who acts pretty much exactly like her!

Yeah, every character has their quirks and opinions, some have traumas and issues, but Section Six is the only group you can point at anyone of them and say "That Person has something wrong with them" and no one can provide a strong counter argument (Because there's a difference between living one's best life, and living the best life they can.)

[embracing-the-ineffable]

Beware clickbait accusations

Hi fandom, here's what happened yesterday: A reporter named Rachel Johnson, who is the sister to Boris Johnson and a big terfy supporter of JK Rowling, released a 4-part true crime podcast featuring two women accusing Neil Gaiman of SA. Yesterday. The day before the UK elections. This post explores the possible political links in more detail.

CW: this post is free of graphic details, but if you follow these links, there may be explicit descriptions of sex, kink, and bdsm, plus mentions of mental illness and suicidal thoughts.

I want to believe and support survivors, and I also want to base my thoughts and actions on facts. I thought the xitter livestream commentary from Not Becky for all 4 episodes was very insightful. There's also a first episode transcript without extra commentary. (Edit: released after I wrote this post: the full audio plus transcripts for all four episodes of the podcast are now available to download here, or you can read all four transcripts in your browser.) I have since concluded (pending more time to think and read and learn, or any new information, of course):

This seems like the worst kind of clickbait, an unjustified mess that will hurt everyone involved (except possibly a few politicians who might benefit somehow, we'll see). The evidence the "reporters" present directly contradicts their accusations. They're counting on people reading headlines and not digging any deeper.

They tried to make something sinister where there was apparently consent and a caring relationship. Have they exploited one or both of these women? S, in particular, is described as vulnerable and with a history of unspecified mental illness. They have all of the message history between S and Neil, and her messages make the sexy stuff between the two of them sound enthusiastically consensual. There are even messages (multiple!) where she specifically says everything was consensual. Here's one:

They're playing horror music in the background to try to make us feel horrified, even as S reassures us that things were consensual. It's emotional manipulation by the reporters.

The times S sounds upset during the interview are the times she talks about Neil leaving her behind or not paying attention to her. Not the times she talks about consent violations. Her stories during the interview are inconsistent, and they contradict her messages with Neil and with others. Maybe we'll get better information from a more reputable news source, or maybe not, I don't know. I also don't know why anyone who cares about her would have advised her to do this interview.

Then they tracked down lots of other women who know/have dated Neil and they all had glowing things to say, except one other lover from 20 years ago, K. She described some bad sex, and then pointed to a time in their 2-year relationship when she felt something wasn't consensual and he thought it was. And after their breakup, they continued to text and flirt, for decades.

This podcast "exposé" feels like explosive clickbait with political ramifications. The evidence here doesn't support a pattern of poor conduct so much as establish Neil as a fellow well-meaning human with imperfect judgement. That doesn't mean the accusations are all made up; intimate partner violence is complicated, and the responsibility for checking in and getting regular enthusiastic consent from partners is very real, especially when kink or bdsm are involved.

I don't know what the right balance is here between supporting survivors, thinking critically, assuming good intentions, and waiting for better information, but I feel confident that this podcast alone is not enough to condemn anyone aside from the irresponsible journalists who inflicted it on the rest of us.

PS/edit: I'm tagging my relevant posts (mostly reblogs) with #ineffable grief, and you can see all of them here.

[futuremrscameron]

biker!pogue reader x rafe

content warnings: rafe is his own warning honestly, mentions of drugs/drug abuse, heavily implied mental illness, mentions of child abuse, referenced murder, stalking, frued level mommy issues, blood, physical violence, abandonment issues, rafe is a freak, toxic relationships, smut, ignoring red flags for a hot man, dubious age gap (not between biker!pogue and rafe)

______________________________________________________________

she’s jj’s role model/surrogate older sister (the pogues love her too)

lived in obx her whole life before moving to the mainland at 16 to become a professional motorcyclist. jj cried so hard that day but if you ask him about it he will deny deny deny.

she’s known him since he was a baby, often having to look after him when he found his way to the porch of his non-baby proofed home while luke was still sleeping off his hangover

her parents were very startled when she brought home a random white baby

"mommy look what i found?"

"what's that baby-"

while her parents are freaking out trying to contact luke through officers shoupe and sheriff peterkins she's playing peek-a-boo with a one year old jj.

after that incident she became his unofficial guardian, walking him to school, teaching him important life hacks like how to pick a lock (for when his bike or locker gets stuck or how he he uses it later for less legal activities)

gave him his first dirtbike and thought him how to ride it

her home is his home, a second place to stay while luke is on one of his benders or in a mood

she make sure he does his homework (not so great at that part)

only three years older than the jj and the pogues (jj doesn't realize how wild it is that a seven year old was walking his four year old self to school until he's like 13)

she's always wearing a leather jacket, always, she's got a shit ton of them

loooooooves racing. got a bicycle at 5, a dirt bike at 13, and a motorcycle at 14 (got it by working at a mechanic shop and pimping an old ride)

her parents weren’t too thrilled about her getting into racing and tried their best to keep her away from it but after she started working as a mechanic and staying out later and later they knew that giving her their blessing and safety rules was the best way to avoid the worst possible outcome

she loves jj more than anything in the world, more than racing but she would never tell him that cause she knows he’ll be so annoying about it.

an eleven year old jj follows her as she gets on her motorcycle and revs the engine. he puts and presses his hands together as he begs, “please please please please.”

“like hell jayj that’s no place for a kid, and isn’t it a school night?”

jj stayed over most of the time he basically lived with her. she often drove him to school before buying him his first dirt bike.

he pouts, “i promise i’ll get up in time please! pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssse.”

“fine!”

he grins and jumps up and down excitedly. “but you have to promise not to leave my side before the race and stay with bobby during.”

he groans dramatically, she tries not to coo and pinch his cheek. “awww come on!”

she crosses arms and muster up your best stern expression. “or i can have mom pick you up.”

he pouts. “fine.”

she’s sarcastic as hell like almost annoyingly so. can’t answer someone’s question without being sarcastic

she loves trashy tv (lifetime movies, tlc shows, etc, etc,)

gets arrested for street racing a lot

“c’mon sheriff peterkins you got the wrong girl.” she sits on the bench leans against the wall, pouting at the woman across from her.

the sheriff rolls her eyes. “save it, i already called your parents.”

all semblance of innocence is gone as she she stands up and rushes to the bars. “what the fuck!?”

“language!” shoupe calls from his office

also been arrested for fighting luke maybank

when she opened the door and saw jj with a black eye and busted lip she already knew. she marches towards the maybank residence, jj following close behind her. he's crying.

"please don't."

she stomps ahead, pace unrelenting not even waiting for jj's short twelve year-old legs to catch up. "go back home jj" she knocks on the door like a cop. the door opens. “what the fu-”

he’s on the floor before he can even blink.

she looks up at the failing light in her cell, now sporting a black eye herself. sheriff peterkins hangs up the phone and looks at her. she sighs. "i can't say that anyone feels bad for that man... but i'm sorry you had to do that."

biker!pogue doesn't say anything, just look down at her hands shaking. the reality of what she's done finally sinks in and her hands can't stop shaking. "he begged me not to and i did it anyway. he told me to stop." she looks down at her hands on her lap. they're still bloody and bruised. it's not hers. "how am i any better than him?" she cries, hands over her mouth to cover her sobs. "i made it worse. god i- he's gonna hurt him because of me." sheriff peterkins gets up from her chair, "now that is not true. you don’t know that and what he does is not on you. do you hear me? it’s not your fault."

"but it is!" she cries, body curling in on itself as she sobs. sheriff peterkins frowns, her heart aches for the girl, guilt eats at her but there's nothing she can do to ease her pain.

on a happier note, shes queer!

her gay awakening was mercedes varnado

her and jj LOVE wrestling. he would come over and watch it with her all the time

they’d talk about the cool moves and costumes and she stared at mercedes for longer than she found out was “normal” for straight girls

jj’s the first person she comes out to

she was scared he would look at her different or not wanna be around her anymore

she was only seventeen when she took him to a diner. they drank milkshakes and talked about everything from school to what new half illegal the pogues were up to.

“sounds cool baby bird.” he blushes at the childish nickname, “come on i’m not a kid anymore.” she pouts, “come on you’ll always be my baby bird.”

“yeah but i’m like a teenager now you know. it’ll ruin my street cred.”

she bites her lip trying to hold in a laugh. “of course. i won’t call you that anymore.”

“no! i mean…” he toys with his straw suddenly very interested in his empty glass. she knows he tends to avoid eye contact when stressed. she read online that it’s a trauma response. her hand balls into a fist at the thought of that man.

“i like it i just mean you know it would be kept for when it’s just us.”

her heart squeezes at the sight of boy before her. he’s become so emotionally mature these days, shes thankful that he’s not showing signs of being an asshole like hiss dad. he’s grown up so much, he used to only come up to her waist but now they’re the same height.

she smiles, “totally.” he grins, proud of this huge accomplishment that she knows he’s probably spent days rehearsing how to bring it up to her.

“um speaking of i um actually brought you here to tell you something important. i was a little scared if i’m being honest.” she chuckles but jj sees through her tough exterior. she hates/loves that he can.

he holds her hand, “you know you can tell me anything.”

she nods, “yeah um gosh this shouldn’t be so hard.” she chuckles nervously. “um-” she meets his eyes. “jj. i’m…gay”

he looks shocked. “oh.”

she feels her stomach twist. “good oh or bad oh?”

“good oh. sorry didn’t mean to scare you i’m glad you told me. i love you all that stuff.” she laughs at his attempt as casualness. “so you don’t like guys?” she shakes her head, “no i do i just also like girls.”

he looks shocked, “you can do that!?” she laughs, “yeah bud you can do that.” he nods. “cool.”

he looks deep in thought and she smiles. she debates telling him but decided not to. he’s a smart kid he’ll figure it out soon.

she and rafe are exes (kind of)

they officially met during one of the boneyard parties. the key word is “officially”, they’ve seen each other around before but never officially met until later (pre-s1)

one spilled drink on her shirt leads to a conversation which leads to them making out in his car. they’re a bundle of hands and kisses, she’s on his lap alternating between biting his lip and kissing his neck. he pulls back first to admire her. the moonlight seems extra bright that night, illuminating her in the car. no one can tell rafe that it’s not a sign that she’s an angel (despite her personality).

“you’re beautiful. you don’t know how long i’ve been thinking about this. you. i’ve seen you race. you’re so beautiful.” she presses a finger to his lip.

“rafe.”

“yeah?”

“shut up and kiss me.”

“okay.”

their height difference is perfect. he’s 6’2, she’s 5’0. i love a good height difference idc idc. especially if it’s a tiny girl who talks like she’s a giant.

it was love at first sight for rafe

the final bell had rung throughout kildare academy, ushering in summer break. rafe rushed out of his class, his bag already packed and on his back. he ran past teachers and students alike, not bothering to say excuse me. he ignores sarah’s call for him to watch where he’s going and be considerate of others. he laughs as he collides with his two best friends, kelce and topper.

one outside they hear the revving of a motorcycle. the rider comes into view as they stop in front of the sidewalk. the biker parks and gets off, leaning against the bike like they’re waiting for someone.

kelce whistles at the mystery figure, topper looks confused, and rafe is intrigued.

“kelce, you don’t even know if it’s a girl.”

“are you kidding me? look at that figure.”

“okay well they’re on private property.”

“they’re on the sidewalk top.”

“yeah but-”

rafe ignores the duo, still entranced by the biker. they’re all brought back to reality when kiara, a former pogue and sarah’s newest friend, brushes past them.

topper frowns and calls after her, “hey watch where you’re going kie!”

she doesn’t even look back as she flicks him off “fuck off top you have no room to talk!”

a nearby teacher calls for her to watch her language but she’s already at the sidewalk and hugging the motorcyclist.

someone nearby says what rafe’s thinking, “kie knows her?” he’s so intrigued he might see if sarah knows anything. a mini crowd has formed while other pass them to head home or to the beach for the summer.

kiara backs up and the helmet comes off. a girl.

“i told you she’s a girl. pay up.”

“we didn’t bet asshole.”

the same teacher tells topper to watch his language.

her deep brown skin is flushed from the summer heat and being trapped under that helmet for god knows how long. her micro braids are up in a clip safe for a few strands. she smiles at kiara with all the fondness of a long lost friend. rafe finds himself wishing he was on the receiving end of that radiant smile. she’s rubs kiara’s arms and frowns as she says something he can’t quite make out before taking off her leather jacket and puts it over kiara’s shoulders. ‘a leather jacket in this weather?’ rafe decides she’s insane, beautiful but insane. with the leather jacket off he can finally see her arms and he feels faint. her arms. his eyes scan further down to her chest sweat cascading down and sitting in the space between her-

“hello! earth to rafe!” sarah’s voice breaks him out of his leering.

he rolls his eyes trying to see the pretty motorcyclist behind his sister who's blocking the view. he catches one last glimpse of them before they speed off.

he sighs and drags his hand across his face, "i already know where this is going and the answer's no." he pushes past her and heads to (ward's) his car.

she follows after him ranting about how important it is that she doesn't miss the party from the moment they get in the car until they reach tannyhill.

if he asks about kiara's new friend with the motorcycle that's his business.

biker!pogue sees him when he pushes past her at barry’s

she parks in front of the familiar trailer and turns her engine off. she takes off the helmet and is hit by the overwhelming familar smell of weed.

"jesus christ." she mumbles as she places her helmet on the left handlebar. she adjusts her black and gray striped skirt and graphic tee crop top. maybe she’s wearing a push-up bra to get a better deal but that’s her business. the leather jacket doesn’t stick to her skin since it’s twice her size.

there's screaming from inside that grows louder as she gets closer. before she can knock the door whips open nearly hitting her in the face. 'fucking assholes.'

"hey you almost hit me with the door you di-" the word dies on her tongue when she sees a flustered, manic looking blonde. he's definitely a kook, the polo gives him away. he brushes his messy hair back and stops past her and gets on his dirt bike. they lock eyes one last time before he puts his helmet on and speeds away.

time stands still as she tries to piece together where she knows him from.

“yo princess peach!” she looks back to see barry looks down at her standing at his steps. she rolls her eyes at the nickname and enters the trailer.

“unhappy customer care bear?” he frowns at the nickname

he glares at her “how many times i gotta tell you to stop calling me that? fucks with my street cred.” she snorts and flops down on his couch, “i’ll stop when you stop calling me princess peach.”

he sits down next to her. “see that’s actually cute, and it fits. look at you with your pink fucking bike looking like a princess.”

she smiles, “flattery will get you nowhere barry.”

she stands up and walks to his stash, he shrugs. “worth a shot. what do you want?”

she looks through his stuff, “the usual. plus some info.”

he smirks, “info? you been watching too many cop shows peach. i ain’t a rat.” he lights joint and takes a hit as he watches her grab what she’s looking for.

“not ratting anyone out, just wanna know who that guy was. the one that stormed out of here.”

he frowns, “country club? ah don’t worry ‘bout him.”

she sits down next to him and grabs the joint from him before he takes another hit. she takes a hit, “he’s a kook bear, i don’t wanna see you go down for selling to some rich punk cause he mouthed off to you and you laced his shit.”

he throws his head back, “that was one fucking time.”

“i’m interested, what happened to your no kook rule. and what were you two screaming about.”

“he wanted some shit i didn’t have you know how it goes.”

she nods. “tale as old as time.” she takes another hit. “what was it?”

he looks at her and laughs, “damn nancy drew you want his social security too?” he takes the joint from her.

she rolls her eyes, “fuck you. i just know you don’t let anyone talk to you crazy so i thought he was someone special.”

he grins, “he’s got deep pockets aight? you done asking questions? you’re fuckin’ with my high.”

she stands up and takes off the leather jacket, throwing it at his face, “fuck you.” she leaves the trailer and gets on her bike.

“come back again soon!”

if you ask her she'll tell you she barely remembers him cause he made that little of an impact (liar)

their vibes are very much ‘me and my girl don’t argue she tells me to shut the fuck up and i listen’ and ‘my girl’s mad at me. hope i die.’

one of his worse crashouts was the first time she dumped him

jj came over as he usually does. he wanted it to be a surprise, she’d been working at the mechanic’s damn near every day. he came by with her favorite snacks and the dvd for the jersey shore’s first complete season. instead he’s met with rafe’s tongue down her throat.

“what the fuck!?”

“jayj!?”

“so should i go or?”

jj chases a half naked rafe across the backyard.

you know that episode in the boondocks when grandad gets addicted to weed and huey asks him to choose between weed and them and grandad without hesitation chooses weed? yeah that’s how their breakup went down.

birthed this iconic voicemail. she listens to it and laughs when she's feeling down

barry has to listen to rafe cry about how “that damn kid ruined it” and how he was gonna “really do it this time” after doing another line

he’s even more crushed when she leaves obx for the mainland to pursue her dream of becoming a famous racer

like he’s proud and happy for her but he’s absolutely crushed

“i mean i knew it was coming but i mean she just left!” he does another line. “didn’t even say goodbye like who the fuck does that? thought we had something you know?”

barry scratches his head, “so you gonna be here a while or…?”

she comes back to obx at the beginning of s2 when tensions between the pogues and kooks (mainly rafe) are at an all time high throwing rafe off his game even more

rafe finds out she’s back in town through sources (kelce) and immediately gets on his bike to go to her. ward is not happy with this especially since it’s right rafe said they should kill all the pogues who know what he did. he watches race switch gears and hop on his bike.

“rafe. rafe where they hell are you going!? we’re having a conversation right now.

rafe shakes his head and grins. “she’s back.”

“who? no. no, rafe-” ward knows how bad he got last time she was in the picture does not want history repressing itself. rafe revs the engine and puts on his helmet.

“i gotta go.”

ward steps up to him, placing a soft but firm hand on his chest. “no. hey! rafe no, you are already in deep shit i can’t protect you if you keep doing stupid shit.”

rafe knows he’s disappointing his father, it pains him but he wants to make it better. he can’t do that without her. “i’m sorry.”

rafe takes off.

“rafe! goddamit…”

she’s pissed when she finds out he’s been terrorizing jj and the pogues

rafe’s at the country club with kelce and topper when he sees her again for the first time. though their reunion did not go the way he envisioned it

she tells him if he ever lays a hand on jj again she’ll kill him (he nearly cums on the spot)

their arguments are awkward for third parties because they always go from screaming and angry to intense staring and close talking

he hears her before he sees her. "rafe!"

he perks up at the sound of her voice, at first he thinks it's the coke or his mind playing tricks on him but he hears it again. "rafe! i know you're in there asshole open up!"

barry opens the door and pulls her in. "goddamn girl! the fuck's the matter with you? banging on my door like fuckin' twelve at five in the fuckin' morning."

she tugs her arm out of his grip, "fuck you." she looks at rafe, her rage disappears as they lock eyes, replaced by grief.

“angel?” she stands in front of him, hands on her hips like a disappointed mother. “what the fuck rafe? you've been harassing jj and his friends again and don't try to deny it i know you have.”

“what?”

"don't play dumb either. i knew you were an asshole but what the fuck? you tried to kill sarah!"

he frowns at the mention of his sister. "no, no she provoked me."

"i don't give a fuck! she's your sister what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"what the fuck's wrong with me?" he stands up nearly knocking over the table, barry tells him to chill but he's not listening he gets in her face, "what the fuck's wrong with you? you just leave without saying goodbye and act like i don't exist when you come back? who does that?"

she doesn’t back then though his close proximity sends chills down her spine. “this isn’t about me.”

he chuckles but there’s no humor in his tone. “almost everything i do is about you.”

the two of them stare into each other's eyes, a mutual understanding between them, everything else falls into the background. barry’s just standing there like ‘🧍🏻‍♂️’ “so are we going or…”

speaking of the men in her life pissing her off, jj showing her his gun does not go own well

“what the hell is wrong with you!?” her arms are crossed, standing up and looking down at the boy in front of her. he doesn’t say anything. “that’s not a rhetorical question jj i actually wanna know.”

“you actually wanna know?”

“yes!”

“and why would you give a shit? huh!? you’re barely around!”

“that’s not fair jj.”

“no who’s not fair is you leaving me here! what’s not fair is you fucking hooking up with at psycho rafe cameron after all he’s done to us! what’s not fair is you trying to play big sister like nothing’s changed!”

“jj!”

he stands up and gets in her face, he’s no longer the little boy she walked to school. “i don’t need your lectures, i don’t need your advice, and i definitely don’t need you anymore.”

she feels her heart shatter into a million pieces as he walks away.

his two triggers are being called a murderer (true) and being told she would never love a monster like him

when he meets up with sarah at the dock she tells him that biker!pogue deserves better than him and how she hopes locking him away for what he’s done will help her realize that

she picks him up from jail when ward “dies”

he knows something’s wrong when he sees her. she throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tight.

“i’m so sorry rafe.” he wraps his arms around her waist on the ride home. she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze at every red light. by the time they reach tannyhill the last of the boat wreckage is being removed from the water.

“rafe?” wheezie stands at the sliding glass door holding herself up. "wheeze-" she runs over to him and hugs him, crying in his arms. he's taken by surprise but quickly adjusts, wrapping his hands around her.

rose comes looking for wheezie and finds the trio outside. rose sees biker!pogue and confusion flashes in her eyes, but it's quickly covered up by the pain of loss and disappears back into the house.

she ends up staying at tannyhill for "moral support"

"really i don’t wanna intrude.” rose chuckles as she brings in pillows to rafe's room, "please, the way rafe talks about you? you're practically family."

rafe and her have a much needed heart to heart

they lay side by side looking up at the ceiling. “i want you to stay." she looks at him. he's already looking at her. she brushes his cheek with her thumb, he leans into the touch. "i'll stay as long as you want." she gives him a soft smile. he stares at her for a minute, deliberating. he kisses her.

deep down she knows it's coming but it still catches her off-guard. she knows this won't help him. it will probably make him worse, but she does it anyway. she kisses him back. they're suddenly sitting up, both on their knees he shrinks himself so she's above him as he chases after her lips. her grip on his face is soft but firm, she pulls away first. “rafe."

he looks close to tears, "please.” he nuzzles against her hand, "i'll be good."

that breaks her heart. she nods, "you don't need to be with me."

he kisses her on the cheek. jaw. eye. neck. shoulder. wrist.

she cradles his face and kisses him deeply.

he moans. he's halfway in her lap as their kissing grows more frantic and heated. his hand moves down her shorts, she gasps.

"tell me i'm good."

she grips the sheer with one hand and his hair with the other. "you're so good rafe."

he speeds up his movement at that, making note of her shortness of breath and tightening grip. "yeah?" his breath is hot against her neck,

she nods and meets his gaze. "yeah." he kisses her again, her moans swallowed by him.

he likes it, keeping them for himself.

she grips his shoulder and shudders against him. they both breathe heavily. she looks at him looks down. he follows her line of sight. he looks back up, at her lips then meeting her eyes.

“you don’t have to-”

she pushes him down and straddles his hips. “be a good boy and stay quiet yeah?” he nods.

probably the closest he’s come to seeing heaven. (pun half intended)

she bumps into sarah in the kitchen that night

sarah jumps and nearly drops her glass when she turns around and sees biker pogue!reader behind her. she chuckles, "sorry, didn't mean to scare you." sarah shrugs, "not scared, just startled."

it's awkward. "um i just came for some water so." she grabs a bottle from the fridge and gives sarah one last parting glance. "i'm sorry for your loss."

sarah looks like she wants the floor to swallow her whole. like she's just been reminded of her father's grizzly death. 'great nice going' she thinks to herself. "sorry, again. um bye." she turns to leave and beats herself up for her awkwardness and poor choice of words. the idea of rafe's sisters not liking her makes her stomach feel weird.

"you should stay away from rafe." she stops in her tracks and turns around, "what?" sarah walks up to her slowly, "he's not a good person. you don't know him, the things he's done-" "

"i know." sarah backs up, eyes squinted and lips pursed like she's just been told aliens are real. "i know he killed sheriff peterkins, i know-" she swallows, "i know he tried to kill you."

sarah's face falls, she looks betrayed. "you know?"

biker pogue!reader reaches out to her but sarah pulls back. "sarah i'm sorry and i know he's unpredictable but-" sarah's voice rises, "then you know what he's capable of."

she nods, "i do." sarah shakes her head, "love makes us all stupid huh?" usually she would deny it but this time she says "yeah, yeah it does." sarah doesn't look angry or betrayed anymore. this time the look she gives her is one of pity and understanding. she hugs her, "be careful." she leaves her with much to think about.

she can't blame sarah for not wanting to be around rafe right now but she still feels

“sarah left. i’m trying to keep the family from falling apart she just- she doesn’t get it!” he’s yelling but she knows it’s not from rage but regret and heartbreak? how did they get here? did the resentment start?

“i don’t know how to make her get it i don’t know what to do.” he cries into his hands.

she rubs his shoulder, “hey she just needs some space, and that’s not your job. you’re trying your best. you’re a good guy rafe.”

he stares, to anyone else it would look cold but she knows he’s contemplating her words, struggling to believe them. he kisses her. she blinks slowly, “rafe…”

he pushes himself away from her walking to the other side of the room. “i’m sorry.”

she moves towards him. “hey no it’s fine i- i wanted you to kiss me.”

his eyebrows furrow, deeply confused. whether it’s by her acceptance of him or the kiss she doesn’t know. “you did?”

“i mean it’s probably a bad time now but yeah i’ve been wanting to kiss you since i got back.”

he nods stiffly and leaves the room. she’s left standing there more confused than ever.

when he’s working with lambry and her brother biker!pogue notices that he’s slightly more put together and while she wants to know why she doesn’t wanna pressure him into telling her

she’s in his room chilling when he comes bursting in telling her he has the cross

“that’s not all is there?” he hates that she knows him so well, he shakes his head and sniffs. “no uh no there’s more.”

she nods, “okay, do you wanna tell me?”

he shakes his head, “i’m scared you’ll look at me differently.”

“i highly doubt that, i know a lot of shit about you and none of it has scared me away.”

he looks at her like she’s just told him she’s found atlantis. he’s trying to compute why she does. why stay with him when he’s like this? he needs to know. “you won’t after this?” he grabs her by the wrist and pulls her off the bed dragging her outside to the truck.

“rafe what is your problem!” she knows it’s not coke, last he used was the day after ward’s death when he came to her with his theory about rose hiding something. “you’ll see.” he opens the truck and she sees the body, she almost falls to the ground.

“wh- what is this? what- where’s that lady is- wait this is-”

“the guy that was here the other day.” she looks at him, there’s no fear in her eyes but shock and confusion. “you didn’t do it.”

he tilts his head, “why do you think that?” she looks at the body again, “i don’t know. you seem more disturbed by this than peterkins. it’s not adrenaline though it’s… was it her?”

he’s always amazed by how smart she is. he nods. “okay.”

she hears screaming coming from downstairs and by the time she gets there she sees sarah in a chair passing out

she runs to her, pushing rose out of the way to check on her. “sarah? sarah honey answer me.” she looks back at rose and rafe, disgust and anger in her eyes as she cries. “what did you do?”

rose reaches out to her but her hand is quickly slapped away. “you drugged your own daughter?” rose has the decency to look ashamed while rafe just stares unflinching in his resolve. she turns to rafe, “it’s not too late you can still stop this you can do the right thing-”

rafe turns to rose, “take her to the car, i’ll clean it up.” rose nods while biker!pogue looks at him, “clean it up? rafe that’s a person! you can’t just-” suddenly there’s a pinch feeling in her neck. she turns to rose who’s holding a needle.

she looks remorseful but that doesn’t change anything.

biker!pogue sluggishly turns to rafe, “you dick.” she tries to swing at him but is too slow. he catches her before she falls and sits her gently on the chair across from sarah.

“i’m sorry. i hope you can forgive me.” she blinks twice before she’s consumed by darkness.

when she wakes up on the ship and sees ward she thinks she's dead

she hears about their plan with the cross and thinks it's idiotic

"rafe your dad faked his death, rose fucking drugged me and sarah, and wheezie's scared out of her fucking mind. nothing about any this is normal!"

“this just makes you look worse cause you know all this and you’re still dating me.”

“bitch!?”

he's right though

rafe refuses to let her come with him when they're lured to that room and tells her to stay put

"fuck you i'm coming with you!"

"like hell you are!"

"rafe-"

"i need you to stay here, watch over wheezie." she frowns, not liking the thought of leaving him but understanding him. she nods.

he kisses her forehead and leaves.

she doesn't listen, which is how she finds herself on the upper deck leaning over the railing looking down at kiara and jj fighting off a hired soldier

she sees jj fall overboard and it breaks her

she thinks she screams but it’s hard to tell with her ears ringing. kiara immediately jumps after him and she finds herself loving the girl even more. she runs down to the deck, the man that hurt jj is still on the floor getting his barring back from that kick to the chest kiara delivered. she punches him in the face and he's back down.

she stomps on his wrist, the one holding the machete. "you like beating up on kids? huh!? makes you feel big and bad?" she doesn't wait for a reply, she kicks him in the side once, twice, three times. while he’s dissociated and groaning in pain she grabs the machete and repeatedly brings it down in a blind rage. over and over and over. blood splashes on her face, jolting her back to reality.

she sits there and for what feels like forever

rafe finds her after what feels like forever. she jumps at first before she realizes it’s him. he holds her shoulders softly holding her against his chest.

he hold her at arms length getting a good look at her. he looks at her hands. she balls them into fists. “they’re not mine.” she doesn’t meet his eyes, staring ahead at nothing.

“i know. i don’t care about any of that though i’m just happy you’re okay.” he hugs her. “i thought i lost you.”

he keeps talking but all she can make out is "cross" "pogues" and “alive”.

she looks down at her hands. they're bloody and bruised but they don't shake. rafe holds them in his hands, “hey it’s okay. you’re okay.” she shakes her head, letting out a mumbled whine

“i was angry.” her voice comes out shaky. “my-my body just…. moved.”

“whatever he did the fucker had it coming.”

she looks up at him and stares like she’s finally seeing him for the first time. “no-”

“he hurt you didn’t he?”

she shakes her head, troubled by his deduction. “he hurt jj.”

“like i said, deserved.”

she pushes him away, “they were right about you. you’re dangerous. you’re not even fucking flinching at the sight of- of a- a fucking dead guy. how could you look at me like i’m-i’m-” an angel. “i killed someone rafe! do you get that!? i’m a monster!”

“hey!” he snaps gaining the attention of his family and some workers.

he lowers his voice, “don’t say that okay? you’re not a monster. you did something a lot of people would do in the same situation.”

she shakes her head “no.”

he nods, “yes, hey!” he grips her face, stop shaking your head it’s true. now you listen to me, you’re a good person okay? this, this moment doesn’t represent you. doesn’t change shit so don’t go wasting your tears on him okay?”

she nods, sobs turning to sniffling. he brings her in for a hug, she cries into his chest. he looks up and sees rose staring down at them in shock and fear. he holds her closer and kisses her head. “it’s okay. i’ll protect you.”

three nights later the boat is close to shore when he realizes there is actually something that could be the final nail in their relationship (a kryptonite)

they’re lying in bed she’s facing away from him but his arms are wrapped around her waist.

“if jj's dead i'll never forgive you." he stills and looks at her back. he kisses her shoulder. he knows she means it.

things are tense between them until he gets back from singh

she’s patching him up when he tells her about his journey and the pogues being alive

“jj’s alive.”

she stops sewing. “how do you know?”

he grimaces from the pain of the last sew and pull, “kiara was there. we escaped together and she fucking pushed me overboard and stole my boat to save her scooby doo gang.”

she smiles at this, “smart girl.”

he frowns, “whose side are you on?”

“stop frowning your face will get stuck like that.”

when jj comes back to obx their reunion is a tearful one.

she hugs him so tight eyes wide as takes in his scent. she pulls back first to get a good look at him, checking him for any injuries. he smiles, "i know." she knocks her forehead against his, "don't do anything stupid like that again." he lets out a wet laugh, "no promises."

one of the reasons biker!pogue "ignores" his red flags is that he’s unfortunately a good boyfriend (if you don’t look to deeply)

he bought her a diamond encrusted lighter for her birthday

with some of the money he owed barry

he got her a necklace with the letter 'R' so that he’s “always close to her heart”

it’s only after their second breakup that she finds out it’s a tracker

biker!pogue after pulling up to the country club: i’m not a fucking dog rafe! so what the fuck possessed you to put fucking tracker on me!

kelce and topper: i’m sorry what?

after their second breakup caused by rafe melting the cross he became in her words “more annoying” (dear reader he was stalking her)

“rafe! i know you’re in there open the fuck up!”

rafe starts coughing uncontrollably. barry pats his back while staring at him in disgust and an undertook of concern. “yo chill man it’s just princess peach. yo peach! calm down yeah-” rafe covers his mouth. barry pushes his hand away. “the fuck’s wrong with you man all that coke finally fuck up your head!?”

rafe glares at him “i didn’t want her to know anyone’s here much less me and your dumbass ruined that!”

“first off you’re not gonna call me a dumbass in my home, and second who’s the real dumbass, the man that didn’t know there was beef between you two and said what’s up to an old friend? or the man who doesn’t want to be found and came to the place everyone knows he hangs at?”

rafe frowns, “well when you put it like that-”

“you look dumb as hell? yeah i know.” he gets up and move stop the door. rafe starts freaking out grabbing at his hand. “what are you doing!?” “calm down man. i’m serious act like you got some sense or i’m kicking you the fuck out.”

“barry i know you’re in there!”

barry sighs, “i’m comin’ peach.”

“don’t fucking answer her!?” rafe whisper yells from his hiding spot behind the couch’s left arm.

barry stares him down, trying to figure out when he made thee move from his couch to that corner and how he didn’t make any noise. “look country club whatever you did to makes her mad you probably deserve.”

“don’t!”

barry opens the door and is met with a smiling biker!pogue. “thank you bear.” she turns her attention to a poorly hidden rafe. “rafe cameron what the fuck problem? is it the coke? you wanna die? i’m just tryna figure out what made you lose your goddamn mind and put a fucking tracker on my bike.”

rafe stands up and sits on the couch like a scorned child. barry’s mouth falls open in shock, “a tracker man? what the fuck? why not just call her!”

“we broke up.”

“she blocked me on everything.”

the exes stare at each other for a couple seconds. barry clears his throat, very uncomfortable with the tension.

rafe crosses his arms, “how’d you find it?”

she sends him a knowing look.

he scoffs and scratches at his upper lip. pope. that fucking pogue.”

“hey! watch it! i’m not your concern anymore. i don’t need to give you updates on my location and you have no right to put a fucking tracker on me.”

he stands up and steps up to her. “how else am i supposed to protect you?”

barry tries to make space between them, “woah okay man how bout we all chill?”

biker!pogue scoffs and steps closer, “no fuck that. what part of ‘we’re done.’ did you not get?”

rafe pretends to think of an answer, lips pursed and furrowed brows. “um the part where it’s fucking stupid cause i didn’t even do anything.”

she points a manicured finger in his face. “you know what you fucking did rafe!”

“why do you always take their side?” the veins in rafe’s neck are bulging.

“oh where we go again!”

barry wonders if this is what his friends feel like whenever they break up a fight between him and a customer. or him and anyone.

rafe chuckles, “yeah here we go again because your last answer was bullshit!”

he spits out ‘bullshit’ like it’s acid on his tongue. she steps forward not quite getting in his face but pointing up at him.

“fuck you cameron i don’t owe you shit!”

he leans down, matching her glare. “the fuck you don’t!”

her eyes widen at his audacity. she gets closer but there’s basically no room between them at this point. “excuse me!”

barry grabs his keys. “i’m gonna go.” they don’t hear him over their yelling but he still tries his best to make as little noise as possible while leaving the trailer.

when he comes back two hours later he finds their clothes all over the floor leading to his bedroom. he opens the door and finds them cuddling. “yo not on my bed bro!”

biker!pogue is not any better unfortunately she matches his freak

they drunkenly make out in ward’s office stumbling around as they remove articles clothing. after a long night of stolen kisses, networking, and teasing they left the country club event early.

she puts some distance between them and backs up until she hits the desk. he moves like a lion stalking its prey, eyes trained on her, every step precise. he’s in front of her now, he grips the back of her neck and plants teasingly slow kisses from her neck to her shoulders.

he lifts her up onto the desk to get a better angle. she giggles at the action, “okay caveman.”

he lets out a him of agreement but doesn’t let up like adam after he tasted the forbidden fruit he wants more. she closes her eyes and grips his hair before pulling him away. he groans and pulls her against him. “tell me what to do.”

she smirks and slowly pushes him down to his knees.

he looks up at her as he kisses his way up each leg, moving the dress when it gets in his way.

he crumples up the dress, she frowns “hey this was thirty bucks.”

he rolls his eyes, “i’ll get you a new one. lord knows you need a better one.”

“excuse me!? i didn’t know this was dress to impress.”

he frowns, “i’m sorry.” he kisses her through her underwear, her breath hitches. “don’t be mad at me.” he gives a teasing lick, she groans and tightens her grip in his hair making him look up at her. “no teasing. be a good boy and show me you’re sorry.”

he smiles “yes ma’am.”

one time rafe comes to one of her races with a girl

the fucking audacity. they arrived just as the race was about to begin, he’s trying to throw her off her game and that’s one thing she won’t allow. she wins the race and makes a beeline to him and his girl. the way she kisses him is messy. teeth colliding, tongues clashing, spit down the chin, lip biting, and lots of moaning and groping. she's marking her territory.

she breaks the kiss and looks to their right where the girl once was. she looks at rafe, eyes wide with fake curiosity and innocence, "do you think it was something i said?"

he laughs and pulls her close, hands on her waist. he bends down and whispers against her hair, "feel better?"

she shakes her head, "not yet."

he knows it’s going to be a long night.

rafe and jj are jealous of the other “taking all her time away from them”

she thinks rafe’s jealousy is worse (and she's right he's a grown man jealous of a child)

“you gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“do i look like i’m joking?” he crosses his arms and flares like thats supposed to spook her

“you look like a dumbass and you sound like an idiot. you’re jealous of jj!? jj’s my brother you asshole!”

“he’s clingy and he knows when we’re together and that’s when he chooses to call!

“he needs me!”

“he’s needy!”

“he’s a kid!”

“please! he’s been around the fucking world and survived being shot at!”

“that’s not a normal thing to happen for a boy his age rafe! he needs a strong support system!”

“what about me? what about the help i need!?”

“do not start that with that bullshit! i am constantly helping you in on your side even when i probably shouldn’t be!”

jj is just as bad as rafe but he’s more pouty about it and she can’t stay mad at him for long when he looks so cute

he slashed rafe’s tires and was caught in the act by one other than biker!pogue. he’s thankful because if he was found by anyone else he’d be in jail or six feet under. though he would prefer death than the disappointed look being sent his way.

“please say something.”

“i’m shocked. i have no words. what were you thinking?”

“i was thinking ‘fuck rafe cameron’.”

“jj!”

“he’s been taking up all your time and he’s a dick.”

“jj, just cause i’m with rafe doesn’t mean i don’t love you. and i’m sorry, you’re right i have been neglecting you a bit.”

“i know i cause more problems than i’m worth but please, please don’t hate me.”

his pout tugs at her heartstrings, she melts.

“oh jayj.” she hugs him. “i could never hate you.” she rubs his hair while his face against her stomach. “i love you baby bird.”

he smirks against her stomach, “i love you too.”

rafe’s just standing there like 🧍🏼

they probably shouldn’t be together but being apart is worse

they cannot survive separation

she’s patching him up when he tells her about his journey and the pogues being alive

“jj’s alive.”

she stops sewing. “how do you know?”

he grimaces from the pain of the last sew and pull, “kiara was there. we escaped together and she fucking pushed me overboard and stole my boat to save her scooby doo gang.”

she smiles at this, “smart girl.”

he frowns, “whose side are you on?”

“stop frowning your face will get stuck like that.”

she’s kind of his conscious (it’s why he has her saved in his phone as ‘angel🥰’)

convinced him not to kill his dad

they’re on his bed watching reruns of the real housewives of atlanta when he brings up his predicament. he’s lying in her lap tracing her thigh as she runs her hands through his hair.

“there’s something i need to do… but i’m afraid it’ll hurt someone i love in the process.”

she pauses the episode as looks down at the man in her lap. “well i’d say do what’s best for your state of mind. if the thought of that person getting hurt isn’t enough to outweigh the risks. doesn’t make you a bad person. just consider how you’d sleep at night knowing you hurt them.”

he looks at her like she’s God™️

she’s beautiful. she’s beautiful and she doesn’t know that she just changed his life and saved his dad

the way she didn’t judge his question✅ she didn’t make him feel like a monster for not considering someone else’s as reason enough to care ✅ she ran her hands through his hair✅ his head was in her lap✅ she combined emotion and logic to give him an answer✅

he goes to her place immediately after dropping ward off at the runway

she’s in her jammies when she opens the door

rafe stands at the door looking like a pathetic wet dog. she’s smiling when she opens the door but it only takes one look at him for it to turn into a frown. rafe hates being the reason for it. “oh my god. come in, come in." she pulls him in and shuts the door behind her before immediately fussing over him, “you’re bleeding.”

“it’s not mine.”

she stares at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “my dad he- he got hurt.”

she nods. “is he gonna be okay?”

“i don’t know.”

she goes to the pogues’ ceremony after they find el dorado

rafe tags along because he can’t stand being away from her for more than an hour and cause he knows it’s important to her

“look at you! so handsome.” she pinches jj’s cheek and ruffles his hair.

he softly grabs her hand to stop the overload of affection though he secretly likes it. “come on you’re ruining my street cred and bad boy image.”

she laughs but nods, “of course wouldn’t want that.” she stares at him with adoration and fondness in her eyes. “i’m proud of you.”

he smiles, “thanks. actually couldn’t have done it without you.”

she scoffs, “please-”

“no really you- you’ve been my only family. i couldn’t have done this without you telling me that i am better than my dad and how smart i am and how i’m a good person, even if you’re wrong about that.”

“jayj…” she’s close to tears. he smiles “i love you.”

“i love you too.” they hug.

______________________________________________________________

i’ve been working on this for a minute i hope y’all liked it and if you did please comment like share yk i love feedback

[goldenasirpa]

The thing about Ekko seeing other-timeline Powder is that, critically, she isn't all that different from Jinx.

Ekko spent his later childhood years convincing himself that Powder was gone, that Jinx had replaced her, and that she was an evil force. Of course life isn't so simple, and Ekko still can't kill Jinx when the time comes- something that is probably eating away at him even when he is thrust into another timeline.

But Ekko also knows that only Jinx can help him build the machine to send them back. As much as he was focused on how this Powder was different from his, he had to focus on their similarities in order to get home. Any incidental differences they have beyond that just proves, over and over, that Jinx is a product of circumstance, not some entity that was formed completely separate to Powder.

Because Jinx is Powder.

And that's why Ekko goes right to her when he returns to his own timeline, too. If he could believe that some part of Jinx was in (a completely different) Powder, so too he had to accept that some part of Powder was still in Jinx. It's interesting because, in a way, Vi has to come to terms with this same thing, in a different way. She also desperately wants to believe that her sister is gone, and that only Jinx remains, because it would make things easier for all of them. It would definitely make killing Jinx easier, anyway. But she can't do it. Because she knows that deep down, no matter what anyone says, they are the same person. But in accepting that, Violet is forced to confront how she contributed to creating 'Jinx' in the first place.

I don't think we talk about it quite enough; but Ekko is the reason that ALL of this happened. Ekko followed Jayce home and gave Vi and Powder the info that led to robbing him. Which led to the Hextech explosion, which led to the manhunt, which led to Vander and Milo and Claggor and Benzo's death, Vi's imprisonment, and critically, the creation of Jinx. Ekko is just as responsible for Jinx as Vi or Silco, and I truly believe that has been eating him up for years.

But when he goes to this other universe, he has to face an even more difficult reality; that these events were, in a way, also completely random. Because in this other universe, Ekko's actions were the exact same, but the outcome was different. Sure, he was guilty of Violet's death, but he also could see the direct path between that random tragedy and a significantly better future. What paved the path to this better future? What was critically different between these two worlds? Just Vi's death? No.

Forgiveness.

Silco forgiving Vander, sure- but also, presumably, Powder forgiving Ekko for the part he played in Violets death. To me, this is what their 'romance' story is about beyond any genuine feelings that Ekko may have for Powder. Ekko receives unconditional forgiveness, something he isn't expecting. And he goes back to his home timeline with the truth sitting right in front of him; that only forgiveness can save them now. And he knows that it must start where he is hurting the most, so of course, he goes straight to Jinx.

It's less that Ekko forgives Jinx, more that he forgives himself the responsibility for all that death. He let's go of his guilt, his anger, and he embraces... Well, love is the wrong word. Ekko embraces duty, and knows now that this duty includes compassion for those at the very fringes of society; in this case, Jinx (who represents the most mentally ill and traumatized among us, but my essay about how every character in Arcane is actually just a social archetype is an essay for another day).

But it literally saves everyone. Ekko, and his huge heart, spares their future.

[manicpixieyandere]

Arcane Season 2 Felt More Like A Teaser Than A Season

Does this make sense to anyone else? Like we remember watching the trailers and being like "Oh can't wait to see what Vi's pit fighter era is like". And "Oh we can't wait to see how Jinx and Ekko end up close enough to LITERALLY PAINT EACH OTHER?!".

And then how did we feel after watching the end of the season? "Oh can't wait to see what Vi's pit fighter era is like". And "Oh we can't wait to see how Jinx and Ekko end up close enough to LITERALLY PAINT EACH OTHER?!". The Vi pit fighter era WAS the music video we'd already been shown. And almost all of Jinx and Ekko's main universe scenes were cut! And those are just the tip of the iceberg!

Our main complaint about season 2 is that it just goes too fast. And almost all major issues about the season stem back to that. This show really needed three season. Why?

Well a main complaint we've seen about this season is how it completely does away with the class divide narrative between Piltover and Zaun in favor of Viktor's magic Jesus cult and Noxus. And we completely agree! This would have been fixed by having season 2 wrap up the class divide story line and season 3 be about Noxus and Viktor. This way the stakes amp up in a way more digestible to the viewer as well. Things start off with the class divide, which then gets to be a war, then we amp up to magic death of both cities on the line. Instead of class divide to immediate unrelated death. Not to mention more care can be put on the class divide instead of excusing Piltover as if nothing happened.

(Also if we had more time for scenes then maybe CaitVi can have a better sesbian lex scene than going to town right after Vi's sister said "Hey, I'm gonna go off myself".

We know this show is expensive to make so even just say, three more episodes could have been better to slow the pace a little. Or hell we don't know, maaaaaybe the damn hour and ten minutes of content cut from the final episode??? The show still needed to go slower and that hour wouldn't save it, but damn it'd sure help!

With the way the season is rushed nothing is actually resolved. The class issues persist. Sure Sevika is on the council now, but you, the viewer don't actually get to know how that plays out. Vi and Caitlyn's relationship just ends a toxic mess of oppressor x oppressed "She's one of the good ones". And Jinx, oh my god Jinx.

Why is it that the lesson is the oppressed must stop the cycle of violence? Why must the mentally ill girl abandon her family who LOVES her to make her family happy? Is that the lesson we are really teaching today? Jinx went from being one of our favorite most accurate portrayals of mental illness to now being a plot device to tell people who relate to her to abandon everything. It's saying you're too much of a burden for your families. That's a fucking horrible thing to portray in a definitive light???

See we were fine with it at first while it was happening on screen because it made sense. People with BPD tend to feel "evil" or to be too much for their loved ones. It's very common for them to break off relationships. But it should only ever be from Jinx's skewed perspective! The lesson should end up being that Jinx was wrong, that she isn't actually a Jinx! Jinx should learn that it's ok to love and be with her sister. That she won't kill her just from being there. Instead the narrative teaches both Jinx and the audience that she was right all along, that she doesn't deserve that love.

Things get even weirder with Ekko. Looking at the stuff in the art book it seems Jinx is absolutely obsessed in love with him (real girl). She is basically saying "That's my man" in all the art book graffiti. But we don't get to actually see any of this??? Which means we don't get to know what made her decide to leave him either! Is the lesson to also abandon everyone in our lives, not just family?!?

If we got scenes of Ekko and Jinx talking more, maybe JUST maybe it would have made more sense. Or maybe if they had more time she just would have gotten a better ending, we'll never know. Either way the series definitely needed more time to do everything it wanted to do. It completely sideline its main character in season 2, as well as the entire MAIN PLOT! And then goes on to teach horrible lessons to the audience about oppression and victims within the system.

Honestly we still enjoyed season 2. It was beautifully animated and you know the scenes we did get between characters were amazing when they actually existed! Jayce and Viktor took a turn very different than their OG game counterparts but it was welcomed. (Gonna ignore all the weird comments from Linke right now before we have a brain aneurysm).

All in all; Arcane season 2 was an amazing TEASER for a show, but did not deliver as a show itself. It really needed 3 seasons and to show more care on its characters and the hardships they face within the divide of Piltover and Zaun. (And it should have never been canon to main League).

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling my roommate crazy?

I (28f) live with 2 other people, a former college roommate who I’m pretty close with (29f) and 2nd roommate (28nb) who we both met when we moved in together 2 years ago.

Let me start this out by saying, this isn’t a fandom aita, it’s going to sound a bit weird at first, but bear with me.

I have a medical condition (relevant later) which stopped most of my bones from maturing past puberty (growth plates closing, cartilage not hardening into bones, ect.), so my skeleton is basically stuck somewhere between 13-19, (I look about 17-19, but the last time I tried to buy hard cider, the cashier thought I was 14, so that’s how young I can look). I also have very pale skin (unrelated to my disorder, just a ginger), and (related to my disorder) lack some liver enzymes so I need eat meat or I get sick (the same reason why cats need to eat meat), I ended up in the ER when I lived with my vegan sister for a week and ate the same veggie diet as her.

Trouble is, Roommate 2 is really into conspiracy theories and other fringe stuff. Nothing alt-right or anything, just like, (for example) they fully bought into that Mermaids: the body found show, and wouldn’t be dissuaded, even when Roommate 1 googled it and showed them solid proof that it was fictional. Wholeheartedly believes the US government preformed 9/11, does alternative medicine (homeopathy, ect), wishes there were ‘all natural’ vaccines (still isn’t an anti-vaccer though, just needs to be persuaded that Bill Gates didn’t put microchips in them).

Anyway, Roommate 1 and I have a recurring joke that I’m a vampire because of the meat thing and the pale thing and the not aging thing. Roommate 2 overheard us and laughed, but weirdly. She kinda joked along with us, but she seemed...odd. About a week later, they start asking me stuff about being a vampire. But they seemed friendly and not nervous then and I was hoping they were just joking and I also sincerely thought they were just asking me about how vampires work on one of my shows (I’m a big fan of Carmilla and the Originals), so I tried to explain, but I cited each show when I’m explaining a thing. This continued for several weeks, but getting worse and more weird every time, eventually culminating about 2 and a half months later into them asking me more stuff about life as a vampire and I really realised that they were serious. Bear in mind, Roommate 1 and I were trying to be very clear that we don’t believe in vampires this whole time because we both know how Roommate 2 is about this. As a result, this was the first time I really registered that they seriously seemed to genuinely believe I was a vampire. I firmly told them that I am not a vampire and that vampires aren’t real, they’re fun to joke about, but they aren’t real. They implored me ‘to be straight with them about being a vampire,’ and that ‘I could trust them,’ and I’m ashamed to say, I kinda freaked out at this point, cuz I was afraid that they would be scared of me and maybe try to hurt me, since they seemed kinda unstable because of this.

This is where I think I was an asshole, I am usually very sensitive to mental health issues. I have some c-PTSD myself and there are a lot of mental health issues in my family (unfortunately, I think some history with my own mentally ill father may have made me react this way, since he has very similar issues to Roommate 2 (vaccines, alternate medicines, specifically involving me in his delusions) and I had a very bad experience in my early teens where he thought I was a demon and ‘sent to destroy him’). Anyway, I got very upset and I yelled at them, I told them they were completely crazy and needed to get mental help and said I thought Roommate 1 and I needed to move out because they might try to stake my heart or something. I feel really bad for calling them crazy, especially because Roommate 2 has some very mental health issues and words like crazy make light of and stigmatise that and I’m very big into not blaming people for their mental health problems, but this was very triggering and in this moment I was very distresssed.

So, aita, all things considered here? I’m still gonna feel like the asshole no matter what, since mental health problems aren’t to be taken lightly or blamed on the person, but I’m curious what the internet thinks.

What are these acronyms?

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Leon, Ada, and Claire. Especially on their relationships because I think they’re pretty interrelating so here’s another analysis made by yours truly <3

TW: mentions of mental illnesses, MY OPINION! + observations. This is strictly based on my knowledge. I’m majoring in English- doesn’t mean I’m 100% correct, it just means I’m pointing out some things that I thought were pretty cool. Take this with a grain of salt.

So I actually propose that we bring the color theory into play, mainly between Leon, Claire, and Ada.

In RE2R and in Infinite Darkness (death island too but I’ve yet to watch it), Leon is portrayed as blue. (His RPD uniform and his suit/jacket) back in my English class (film vs book) we talked about the different types of people and how the author/creator purposefully assigns a character a specific color.

By majority belief, the color blue represents sadness and often times calmness as well. However, I have a different view on why CAPCOM seems to love Leon in winter colors (blue/green/purple)

Leon is the definition of the Blue Character Theory- these types of characters are compassionate, loyal, confident, and can manage their emotions (keep it cool in other words) but sometimes these characters are prone to become over emotional (depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc.) and I actually wrote a small paragraph on Leon in infinite darkness about this because I found it so interesting that Leon- a cool and reserved guy, has these complicated emotions welled up inside him and one of the only ways we can tell is by the color of his representation. (Think of Euphoria and how colors really affected the way the characters act, especially Maddy and Cassie and how different they are.)

I’m also going to be hella bold and say that his eyes are a CLEAR representation on his character by color analysis. His eyes are blue, not only because he’s a white man- but because the “eyes are the windows to the soul” thing really does help us understand him better. They clearly did this on purpose to let the viewer catch a glimpse at Leon’s raw personality. His eyes are very expressive if you really REALLY analyze them.

And when you bring someone who is represented by the color red (Claire and Ada) there’s already an established connection between the two. Although Claire and Ada are way too different in personalities, I like to believe that they both have at least the same level of ambition, stubbornness and leadership. Red characters are known to lead or take matters into their own hands when the world is against them. If no one is going to help them then they’ll do it themselves.

In ID, Claire did her own investigation. She took charge and decided to that if no one would help her, including Leon, then she’ll just do whatever she can with the power she has. Ada is similar in that aspect. Ada has a way of getting things done her way, just like Claire. She uses the art of manipulation to make sure her plans are fulfilled, even if it means at the cost of others. She’s ambitious and goal-driven, much like Claire.

CAPCOM represents the two women in explicitly red or at least with red items (hair, dress, shoes, etc.) it makes me believe that they know what they’re doing when it comes to giving characters their own individuality.

Now, we know that blue and red are complementary colors based on the color wheel.

But we also know that Leon and Ada don’t really have a healthy relationship (I’ll get to this in another post near the future once I’ve got evidence) which is contrasting to Leon and Claire’s relationship. Which prompted the question: Why?

I mean, yeah Claire is Chris’s sister and by affiliation Leon enjoys her company. But it is also clear that the two of them worked very well back in RE2R (the fence scene) their chemistry and tension was high but when he’s with Ada, it seems different.

It is no doubt that Leon had/has (? I’m just as confused as bro tbh) a crush on Ada. I read somewhere from the notes on Leon that he was actually glad to have seen Ada in RE4R (not too sure for RE4OG since almost everything is about the remake)

CAPCOM purposefully follows the Red Oni/Blue Oni trope (a Japanese folk tale, shout-out to my professor for putting me on that) but what why are there two red ones and one blue one? Is CAPCOM keeping their choices open for Leon’s potential love life? I can’t say for sure what’ll happen or what everything means because this is something I over analyzed.

Remember, I’m only an English major student, I still believe my observations are pretty vague or at least a little bit underdeveloped. Hopefully sometime near the future I can make better analysis 🙏🏼

Also, tysm for all the amazing comments and reblogs 🥹🙏🏼 idk how to reply to reblogs but I really do appreciate the fact that you guys like my fics. I promise I have more to write (I have a list in my notes app lmao)

[ihopesocomic]

I love how despite Fade being goofy and constantly getting bullied, he's not just a one dimensional punching bag

He's got personality and character and has his own worries about life. He has a big head but he doesn't seem to actually want to hurt people from what I'm getting

unless he feels like they're disrespecting him it seems, then he wants to fight eventhough he keeps losing lol but the way he reacted to Adamant being caught and how he was the only one to speak up against Edge when Hope was being tortured, makes me go hmmmmm

I really like his character and I can't wait to see what yall are gonna do with him

And same goes for Bright, it wouldve been so easy to just make her the "funny over the top sibling who is goofy and silly all the time" character but she's clearly more than that. She's visibly upset learning that her sister going to leave and she takes the fight between Edge and Hope seriously

I love those two so much and can't wait to see them again(same goes for Radiant! Don't have much to say on her but I like her too and I really want to know more about her)

Thank you so much, anon!

We really wanted our quote unquote "bad guys" to have bonds and things going on in their personal life because it gives a 'hey, they're people just like anybody else' vibe and we've always enjoyed that with some of our favourite villains.

Another thing I really wanted to explore is how the sibling bond between these three is strong despite their completely different personalities because that's always fun too and it's also how a lot of my irl sibling relations have worked out due to growing up in foster care. Fade is especially great to write because he's something of a combination of all the teenage guys I've grown up with: they have a mouth and a desire to appear tough but when it comes to actual confrontation, shit just goes south for them so fast and they bail out of the situation. It's just funny when it happens.

And with Bright, it's a simple case of girls not being allowed to be chaotic without some underlying reason. Especially when that reason is neurodivergency and/or mental illness because it's stereotyping at this point. Bright is just chaotic because that's her personality and we love that for her. lol

I'm also looking forward to showing more of Radiant. There's something underneath her icy, deadpan exterior fo' sure. c: - RJ

[musicalmoritz]

do u hc any character on the aro/ace spectrum?

I love this question!! Unfortunately since TBHK is so heavily focused on romance, I don’t have many. Ofc aroace ppl can still date but fandoms tend to ignore the nuance of that statement and put them into relationships without considering what that means for them. I like to look at it a bit deeper because aroace headcanons do have some importance to me. My sister is aroace so every time I see a headcanon for a character being aspec I have to let her know lol. So before I get into this list I just wanted to say to any aroace ppl who see this, I love ya’ll, ya’ll are doing great <3

Nobody murder me, I’m going to explain. Typically I’m not a fan of aroace villains bcuz the trope has some nasty implications. That doesn’t mean no villain character can ever be headcanoned as aroace but I need some very good reasons before sticking with a headcanon like that. And for Tsukasa, I have my reasons!! A lot of fans tend to agree that he shouldn’t be in a relationship with anybody and that used to really annoy me because I don’t like the whole “this character is clearly mentally ill therefore they get no love” thing. I know it goes deeper than that with him being generally abusive but still. Eh. There are people with disorders that make them bad partners and those people are still very capable of getting therapy and improving. Plus most fans who say that claim to love toxic ships to like???

I’m not really a fan of any Tsukasa ships tho (I used to crack ship TsuAoi but those days are over) so I figured I would actually put some effort into giving a reason as to why he doesn’t do relationships. Rather than go the whole “he could hurt other people” route, I wanted to focus more about how Tsukasa himself would feel about dating. And to be honest? I don’t think he’d like it! He’s definitely interested in relationships as a concept but I don’t think he’s the type to take them seriously. I try to use this headcanon to humanize Tsukasa rather than demonizing him like a lot of people do with aroace villain headcanons. Love is very important to him on a platonic level but romance just isn’t his thing. And it creates a nice contrast in fics between him and characters whose lives center so much around romance. My sister actually is the one who introduced me to this hc and every aroace hc she has is law so I abide by it lmao

This one is way more recent but it makes so much sense to me. If you want to talk about characters who are more realistically potentially aroace, Tsuchigomori has never expressed the desire for a love interest in canon. When most adult male characters are single in fiction it’s seen as a problem (at least in a comedic sense), but with Tsuchigomori none of the characters question it. I feel like he has some level of interest in romance, maybe demiromantic?? But overall romantic attraction isn’t something he experiences easily

This one is more based on vibes and me hunting down every TBHK character that doesn’t have an arc connected to romantic attraction. I don’t think he realized it when he was alive because the people in his village didn’t talk about asexuality/aromanticism much. Maybe he thought he was gay but that didn’t quite feel right because his disinterest in women extended to everyone. He seems like the type to love being surrounded by people and be generally very personable, so his platonic relationships are very important to him. Just no romance

I know you specifically asked for aroace characters but I 100% see this man as demiromantic, and maybe demisexual too. Possibly completely asexual, though leaning more towards the positive side of the spectrum (or just neutral). Emotions don’t come easily to this man so love is a complicated subject but I do believe he’s capable of loving people romantically, just under specific circumstances and not in the traditional sense

I hope you liked these headcanons!! I’ve seen some others that interest me too. I once wrote a Sakuhiko request where they were both aroace and queer platonic, that was very fun. I’ve also seen both the Minamoto brothers written as asexual which is cool to me. Tbh I’m open to most types of headcanons unless I see one that inexplicably gives me the ick…but even then I mind my business bcuz I don’t have to agree with every headcanon I see. I may not have many aroace headcanons for TBHK but I have more for other fandoms, completely unrelated but I could write a whole essay on why Jean Valjean is aroace lol

[sofoulandfairaday]

Please share all of your Sirius and Bellatrix thoughts ♥️

I have way too many, darling.

The TLDR is it is our choices that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities. The long version is under the cut.

When reading about them I usually prefer stories where their original 8-9 year gap is preserved (it annoys me to no end when people write the Order and the Death Eaters as entirely made up of people in the same couple of years in Hogwarts —really? Was the conflict exclusively waged by child soldiers? Were Dumbledore and Voldemort just chilling before 1977, when they decided to start recruiting?). With that being said, I can also enjoy fics where - for shipping purposes - their ages are more compatible, to make them share time in Hogwarts or during the First Wizarding War.

I think they are very, very alike personality-wise. The narrative draws some delicious writing parallels between them, both physically and in their expressions, vices and virtues, and choices. Directly between them, might I add. The author underlines the difference between Bella and Narcissa more than once, we're meant to see it, and similarly we're meant to see the similarities between Bella & Sirius.

They are haughty, passionate, powerful, competent, arrogant, bright, much more intelligent than the fandom thinks they are. In general, they suffer from the stigmatization that many characters - but some people in real life do too - that someone who is intense and impulsive cannot possibly be as intelligent as people who are meek, soft-spoken, generally more controlled. Think what the fandom does to Sirius vs Remus and Bella vs her sisters, when every arrow points to the fact that they are actually the cleverest in these pairings.

They are both some shade of mentally ill, and not because of the curse of the Blacks - half the Blacks went mad didn't they? What's the saying? Every time a Black is born the gods flip a coin. god the Targaryen-Black parallels are gold - Sirius is very likely horribly depressed in OOTP, something no one around him seems to understand, infuriatingly. The only one that seems to get it is Harry, who has the literal Dark Lord living in his brain (= bigger problems to deal with). Bella is... I don't know what she is, ask me after my psychiatry module next year, but my money is on PTSD after Azkaban - after all, she didn't have the escape of an Animagus form behind bars. She would also very likely be victim-blamed for these different feelings, which would lend itself to a delicious nobody else in the world understands us but us type of post-Azkaban dark!fic which I would love to read.

They are both skilled at magic, and while they might despise each other for their respective political views, they respect each other because of this. Bella is probably above him in terms of magical power and skill, because she's 9 years older and because of Voldemort's training, but Sirius seemed to be keeping up quite well with her during their fight in the DoM.

Speaking of which, I am sure that Bellatrix's scream of triumph was due to her winning their duel, not because she thought she had killed him and that is probably the single thing I love the most about HBC's interpretation of her in the movies. That look. 10/10.

I am of the opinion that Bella is all bark and no bite when it comes to certain members of her family, especially her sisters. Sure, she might say that she wants to prune her family tree but 30 years later in the beginning of DH, she still calls Andromeda sister. I'm sure she would want nothing more than to put him under lock and key for the rest of his life and never let him escape, not kill him. And, to me, the way Sirius speaks of his family is very interesting. I'm sure he firmly believes that he hates them, but his actual feelings are more complex than that. You can hate someone and still desire their love, their respect. You can hate that they are the only people in the world who understand you - and hate yourself more in turn, for it.

Sirius seems to me like someone haunted by his own darkness. He, much like Harry, would be constantly worried that he's becoming like them. I'm sure it's a weak spot for him and I wish we had heard more bickering, or at least a full interaction between Bella and Sirius (I feel like she would claim him as hers, underline how much he cannot escape his own blood, even just to mock him/unsettle him in battle). But what Dumbledore says to Harry is true: it doesn't matter how alike they are, it's their choices that matter much more. And I feel like this is why the two of them would never reconcile in canon. They stand for different things.

I also think there might be some - and I know Freud is controversial nowadays, but bear with me - penis envy, on her part. Because Sirius was born the heir - something she would have given her left hand to be: to be born and die a Black instead of being expected to marry into another family - and he squandered it all away by consorting with werewolves and mudbloods. But no. He got everything and pissed on it, and it's just not fair. And by choosing not to come back, even in the two years after Regulus' death, he made sure that the Black Family name will die with him- and I think that is just something she can never ever forgive him.

Now. Everybody knows I don't like TCC and my preferred view of Bella is someone with fertility issues, even to the point of being sterile.

[I read an amazing fanfic once and a line from it stuck in my brain - "If I can't be life, then I'll be death"]

But. If we do see it as canon. This is also the reason why - despite being overjoyed at Delphi's birth - I am convinced that she wished for a boy when she was pregnant. If she had a boy with the Dark Lord, who couldn't possibly give them his name, the House of Black would have an heir. This is also the reason why I don't thing she was necessarily opposed to having children with Rodolphus - the "spare" would have been her heir.

Bellatrix would say that Regulus was her favourite cousin, but truth be told, it was really Sirius whom she respected more - at her core, in my opinion, Bellatrix is really only someone who respects power. Sirius is like her that way.

But Bellatrix is clearly a cruel person, which Sirius is not (or at least, he tries not to be: Kreacher and Snape are two very particular cases of people who are mean to him back). Also, Sirius' view of the world is much more egalitarian - If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. Bellatrix is clearly someone who sees the world in terms of hierarchies, and lives within them (see: how she acts around Voldemort and what is implied of her treatment of house-elves who obey their masters: there is a scale and some serve others, and as long as they do so well they have certain rights; disobey, you get punished).

(Bellatrix is somewhat a feminist character but let's be real- she's not a revolutionary. She went to the Dark Lord and showed him just how powerful she was - aka my wand is bigger than all these male DEs' - and he said "okay, fair, I'll give you the Mark", thereby freeing herself. She is not a "equal representation for women inside terrorist organizations!!" type of girlie)

I also love how her death parallels Sirius'. It's thematically beautiful and it excuses her death coming at the hands of one Molly Weasley (who could never ever in a million years have beaten her on skill alone). She dies because she is arrogant. It's one of her traits. Overconfidence. She was always meant to die like that.

[coincidentally one of the reasons why she would not be a hufflepuff like some suggest: this woman is not humble]

I could go on, but I think I've rambled enough.

P.S. Let's not sleep on the fact that the two of them together would be hot.

[jqmalikhsgib]

bloom

ten

“i wanna talk to daddy too!”

“it’s still my turn, jas! mamma tell jas to stop.” aster yells for his mom.

eddie was currently on the phone trying to talk to all of his kids. he had two more concerts left before he heads home to finally be with his family.

he definitely needed to get back. they never argued like this whenever he was around. he feels guilty for being gone even more than ever.

“you talk to him forever, aster!”

“alright, kids! you’re all gonna get your turn to talk to daddy, okay? aster, let your sister talk to him now, okay?”

“but mamma.”

“listen to your mother, ash. daddy loves you and he’ll be home soon, okay?”

aster sniffles. he hands the phone to his baby sister before running towards his mom and crying. yn frowns, hating seeing her baby so sad.

“i miss him, mamma.”

“i know, baby. but he’ll be back home soon, okay? then he’ll give you so many cuddles.”

“promise?”

“i promise, baby.” yn cuddles her son as she kisses the top of his head. she smiles as she watches her eldest daughter go on and on about the new toy her uncle steve bought her.

eddie just hums in response. he makes a mental note to tell steve to stop spoiling the kids. between him and dustin, the kids will need another toy box. and they already had three.

“oh and daddy, luna called you by your name yesterday! mamma says it was funny but i ‘member you told us not to call you that. i told her but she didn’t really listen.”

eddie chuckles.

“yeah? good job baby! did you tell her my names daddy or dada, or dad?”

“mhm! she just kept saying it, daddy. don’t know why she’s not listening.”

“she’s still a baby, sweetie. she’s only two. she doesn’t understand. but you did a good job. now it’s past your bedtime baby. give mamma the phone, okay?”

“okay! i love you, daddy.”

“i love you too, jas. give daddy a kiss, yeah?”

jasmine puckers her lips and kisses the phone just the same as her father. she walks over to her mom and hands her the phone.

“hey.”

“hi, baby. are our other little munchkins sleep?”

“yeah, that are. lunaria tried to fight her sleep knowing you’d call late. poor thing, could barely keep her eyes open past 8:30.”

“my poor angel. i can’t wait to get home to you. only two more shows, baby. then im back with my family and we can make up for lost time.” he whispers the last part. yn could practically see his smirk.

“eds!”

“i just miss you. im gonna take my sweet time too. have grandpa wayne take the kids for the night. just you and i all night.”

“kids, get to bed yeah?! daddy says he loves you.”

“love you daddy!”

“love you, dad.”

the oldest two went to their room.

yn gets back to her conversation with her fiancee. “eddie, we talked about this. you can’t keep doing that knowing you can’t do anything to help me.”

“im sorry baby. just—god i miss you. ive been thinking bout you for hours on stage. got myself hard and everything.”

“yeah? how’d that go with the crowd? did they notice?”

“im sure they did. i wouldn’t be surprised if its all over twitter.”

“you weren’t that hard were you?”

“you remember those black leather pants i wore to steve’s and nancy’s wedding?”

“you didn’t! i told you not to pack those.”

“they’re my favorite pair of pants. but wearing them reminds me of the night lily was conceived.”

“eds! it’s your fault if your print ends up on social media. i told you not to wear those. suffer the consequences.” yn shakes her head and giggles.

“not funny, babe. it’s your fault.”

“how?!”

“i don’t know yet.”

“im in love with an goofball, i swear.” yn shakes her head before yawning.

“baby, get some sleep okay?! ill talk to you later.”

“but i miss you.” yn whines.

“but you’re tired! i love you okay? get some rest baby.”

“fine! i love you too, rockstar.”

[durarara-brain-rot]

i saw your analysis video about shizuo (great video btw!) and now i'm curious... what ARE your opinions on each shizuo ship? because to be honest i don't care for any shizuo ship either LOLOLOL

Oh my gosh I’m so glad you liked the video! And I can talk about it for way too long but I will try to summarize my feelings about each ship that I’ve seen around! Also this is not me saying anyone shouldn’t ship these characters this is just my opinion on why I think they don’t work and why I think Shizuo needs a therapist and then a lover interest that is removed from all of the chaos of the plots!

Tom and Shizuo; while they make good friends I can’t see them as a romantic couple because there is that power dynamic of Tom being his boss and the fact that Shizuo can’t keep any other job. This will quite literally be a power dynamic they could never get over as long as they are both working.

Izaya and Shizuo; they try to kill each other on a daily basis and in my opinion they both give each other so much anxiety it could never be a productive relationship. Both Izaya and Shizuo are mentally ill men who have a lot of internalized issues that lead to them lashing out. Izaya views Shizuo as a monster because he can’t predict what Shizuo will do and can’t understand his motivation. Izaya even says in the sunset of Izaya orihara that he “neglected to take in account the human side of Shizuo” he viewed him as lesser and any relationship born out of that dynamic inherently is toxic and will lead to abuse. I also feel that this ship breeds a lot of peoples internalized misogyny by perpetuating the idea that men can’t feel anything but anger and sex.

Celty and Shizuo; my sister ships this one and there isn’t much wrong with it compared to some of the canon relationships and ships I’ve seen in this fandom but in my opinion they work better as friends. Shizuo has very little close friends and even less friends that he doesn’t have to worry as much about hurting. Simon and Shizuo can go toe to toe but they aren’t really close from what we’ve seen, more friendly acquaintances. Celty is on an equal playing field and can more easily communicate with him since he quite literally has to calm down enough to focus on what she is writing. (I also headcanon that Shizuo has dyslexia considering he has trouble reading all of the things on the dollar message board and gets pissed off by how many words and how fast the posts were going. I may be projecting with this though) I feel that a romance between Celty and Shizuo would further separate him from others due to the fact that people would more likely associate him to the supernatural even more than they already do.

Shinra and Shizuo; Shinra doesn’t see Shizuo someone interesting, even the friendship stemmed from Shinra finding Shizuo’s powers intriguing on a scientific standpoint. Shinra should also get therapy cause boy oh boy that man needs it before getting into a relationship. Shinra as we’ve seen with Celty is a bit of a push over and is secretive because he is overly possessive. I think he has a major fear of abandonment too. Shizuo needs someone who will call him out and calm him down. He also seems to like solitude and Shinra would drive him up a wall.

Vorona and Shizuo; she literally tries to kill him and only got close to him to learn how to kill him. Yes she grows fond of him and he grows fond of her but they end up having a mentor/student dynamic creating an unhealthy dynamic if they were to get together. Plus the age gap is a bit much especially considering vorona is mentally stunted from her upbringing. Vorona is barely 20 and Shizuo is pushing 26-27 depending on what source you look at for the final season. While 6-7 years older for someone over the age of 25 isn’t that bad when it comes to someone like vorona who is barely 20 and who has had no healthy relationship with anyone let alone herself it can create an extremely unhealthy dynamic. Vorona needs time to explore her life and emotions that she just hasn’t had the years todo. Shizuo by the end of the first season (not talking about the manga because I’m not caught up) he is fully developed and actualized as a person. He has over come a lot of different internal battles and struggles and got more control over his strength. Vorona is not at that level of maturity nor is she someone that should be. She needs the time to develop and a relationship with anyone would stunt her growth in my opinion.

If you guys ship any of these characters obviously this is no hate to you guys but these are my thoughts and opinions as someone’s who’s spent way to much time breaking down the show and each of the characters. I’ve been obsessed with this show for going on ten years and could talk about my feelings and observations about it for ages.

I ship Shizuo with therapy!

Please no one kill me for my opinions!

[roanofarcc]

PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER SIXTY ONE → PERM MAINTENANCE

summary: steve harrington x oc || read on Ao3

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count. 3.6k || masterlist || ocs moodboard

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

previous chapter ← → next chapter

tag list: @sattlersquarry, @leptitlu, @two-sides-samecoin

Steve skillfully balanced a bottle of black polish between his knees as he painted Robin’s right hand. She had her head turned, looking over her shoulder and into the Willow’s kitchen where Tamera was busy rolling strands of Nancy’s hair into curlers. Since Robin was unable to gesture with her right hand, she had doubled the intensity of her movements with her left hand, annoyingly so. Steve nearly missed up every time she got too excited but managed to keep the pain off of her skin and only on the nail. 

“And then he gave me a C. No English teacher has ever given me a C before,” Robin complained. “My paper was good, I know it was, but I swear he has it out for me!” 

Tamera tugged a tad too hard on Nancy’s hair, causing her to wince and squeeze her hands together tighter on her lap. She was hesitant to let Tamera freshen up her perm, considering she’d only ever been to the same hairdresser since she was little, which was pretty common in a town that only had one salon. But after some light begging from Tamera, Nancy agreed but looked to regret it each time Tamera pulled on her hair before pinning the roller tightly against her skull. 

To Tamera’s credit, she was learning. Instead of college, she set her sights on a cosmetology license. She needed people to practice on before she enrolled in beauty school. Steve flat-out refused. While he liked Tamera, or more so liked that Robin liked Tamera, he did not trust anyone around his head of hair with scissors unless it was his aunt, who also worked at the only hair salon in Hawkins. 

“Did you do something to make him have it out for you?” Tamera asked. 

“No! Of course not. I am a delight to have in class!” A quiet laugh sounded from the floor in front of Steve, where Sunshine sat with her freshly trimmed hair and newly painted nails. Robin furrowed her brows at her. “What?” 

“You called him sexist for only talking about male authors in class,” Sunshine replied, debunking Robin’s previous statement. The senior-year English teacher was a little bit of an asshole, from what he recalled, but he never did pay too much attention. 

With a huff, Robin said, “Yeah, well, am I wrong?” Sunshine shook her head and resumed writing in her journal. Steve almost stopped himself from peering down at what she was writing about because her journals were the one thing she kept close to her heart. Sunshine only ever showed him or anyone else when she felt like she needed to, but from the glance he took, he realized she was writing a list, not one of her stories. He finished Robin’s last finger before leaning down and wrapping his arms around her shoulders before resting his chin on the top of her head. 

“Whatcha’ doing?” he asked. 

Sunshine didn’t answer right away but instead finished the last word in her list, ‘toothbrush.’ “Making a list.”

“A list for what? I thought your parents got groceries before they left?”

Sunshine’s parents left for a four-day weekend trip that morning. Mr. Torres had a conference up in Michigan and they decided to use it as a romantic getaway. The couple hadn’t gone anywhere since Sunshine returned and she convinced them that a break from Hawkins would do them good. That left her alone until Monday morning, which meant Steve didn’t have to spend time at his home with his parents; he got to relish in the company of his girlfriend undisturbed. 

She turned her body, forcing him to let go and sink back into the couch. She looked a little conflicted, her gaze bouncing between him and Robin in the living room and Tamera and Nancy in the kitchen. “It’s for a little trip,” she said after a beat. 

Steve furrowed his brows. “We’re going on a trip?” She hadn’t mentioned anything about it before. 

Biting down on her lip, Sunshine slowly shook her head. “No. I’m going on a trip. A little one. Tomorrow…” 

“What?” He was taken aback. They had planned to spend the whole weekend together, watching movies he borrowed from work. 

“I talked to Kali last night, the one who Luke and Leia lived with before they came back to Hawkins with El. She’s another kid from the Lab and she agreed to meet with me in Indy, but she said I had to go alone,” Sunshine explained, but Steve was still confused. 

Nancy, with her head full of rollers, stood up from the kitchen stool and crossed her arms over her chest. She wore a look bordering between concern and confusion, probably similar to how Steve looked. “Kali? The one who’s in a gang? Why does she want you to go alone? Why do you need to meet with her in the first place? Is something going on? Is something happening again?” 

“No, no, no,” Sunshine said quickly, attempting to ease some of the concern that swelled in the home. “I’ve been remembering things from the Lab that I blocked out for a long time. But now they’re coming back to me and it’s really confusing. Kali has started to be in a lot of them lately and I think maybe it’s a sign. Maybe they’re coming back to me for a reason and maybe she remembers more than I do. I’m going to see if she can give me answers.”

Ever since Starcourt when Sunshine pushed herself way too far, she’d mentioned, briefly, some of the memories that started flooding back to her. Steve never pushed too hard; the memories she’d forgotten about seemed to all have plenty of reason to be scrubbed from her brain. Why they started coming back to her, no one knew, but Steve could tell it was bothering her. The gaps in certain memories left her awake at night; he could tell by the bags under her eyes that she tried to cover up or when she’d sneak out of bed when he stayed over to get some fresh air. And as much as he wanted to help her, there wasn’t much he could do but listen when she wanted to talk about it. 

“Do you think she’ll have the answers you’re looking for?” Robin asked. She and Tamera weren’t fully filled in on everything that happened inside the Lab, but Steve and Sunshine pieced together some of it for them. They were smart, though, and Steve had a feeling they had put more of it together on their own. 

Sunshine shrugged. “I have no idea,” she sighed. “But she was in a lot of those memories so maybe she can fill in some of the pieces that I’m missing and make sense of some of it. Maybe then I won’t feel as crazy.” She laughed at herself, but it was hollow. Steve frowned and squeezed her shoulder. She smiled back at him and leaned into his touch before she continued. “Kali doesn’t trust people. She hardly trusts me, which is why she asked me to go alone. If I don’t, there’s no chance she’ll talk to me. But I’ll only be gone for a day. And maybe I can convince her to come back to Hawkins with me. I can show her that she doesn’t have to stay on the run; she can find a home here that the rest of us did.” 

Tamera asked, “Are her parents here?”

“No. She’s not from Hawkins, according to the twins. Dr. Brenner and Miller took her from somewhere else.” At the mention of Calum’s father, Tamera visibly winced. She had lost her best friend when he moved to Indy with his mother. The two had one final argument after Starcourt that pushed Tamera over the edge, and she hadn’t spoken to him since. She was still hurt, it was written all over her face at the slightest mention of him or anything related to him. Steve figured Calum was in the same boat; the two of them had been inseparable since he could remember. 

Nancy opened her mouth, hesitating for a moment before she said, “Do you think she’d want to find a place here? I mean after everything and without a real family in town-” 

Underneath Steve’s fingers, he felt Sunshine’s shoulder tense. “I’m her family.” 

“No, I know,” Nancy added quickly. “Hawkins isn’t everyone’s ideal town to live in, that’s all. I just don’t want you to get hurt if she doesn’t want to come back here with you.” 

It was interesting, Steve thought, the way Nancy spoke to Sunshine. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but Nancy always seemed more careful around Sunshine than anyone else. There was an undeniable softness that smoothed out her usual harder tone and a look on her face that he hadn’t seen Nancy take with anyone else. Steve didn’t remember what she had been like around Barb, but he had a feeling it was similar, and Nancy had lost her. 

With a sigh, Sunshine toyed with the pendant of her necklace. “It’s her choice if she wants to. I can’t make her. I just…I want her to know she has a place to go and people who care.” 

There was no question that Sunshine could handle herself, but he felt like it was his responsibility to worry about her. She must’ve sensed his unease and looked at him, golden eyes soft. “I’ll only be gone for a day. I’ll be on the first bus back to Hawkins on Saturday morning,” she said. “But I have to do this.” And he didn’t plan on stopping her. If she thought talking to her estranged sister would get her the answers she’d been looking for, then she had to do it. But that didn’t mean Steve wasn’t going to worry; that was sort of his job and one he was very good at. 

The rest of the afternoon at Tamera’s passed in a gentle blur. Nancy’s hair was restored to its curled form. Robin’s nails were painted black and her hair was cut shorter, Tamera got more practice, and Sunshine finished her list for her first trip out of Hawkins alone. 

They all bid each other goodbye as six o’clock rolled around and Steve had to leave for the late shift at Family Video. Nancy and Robin headed home while Steve lingered in front of the Willow’s house with Sunshine. She picked up her bike from the grass and brushed off some of the dirt from the handlebars. She and Robin had ridden to Tamera’s after school together, which they did often since the weather had grown warmer. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off?” Steve asked, twirling his keys around his finger. 

“You’ll be late to work.” 

Steve playfully rolled his eyes. “I think Keith can manage a couple of minutes without me.” 

Rolling her bike onto the sidewalk, she stopped in front of him. It was funny, no matter how many times she looked at him like that, with her head tilted upwards to meet his gaze, cheeks dusted pink, and lips pulled in a small smile, his heart raced. 

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “You’ll be over after work, right?” 

“Absolutely, sweetheart.” Sunshine smiled a little wider as she leaned in for him to meet her halfway. The kiss was short and sweet but left him feeling as giddy as always. Nearly everything she did left him feeling like some kid with a crush. Even before their first official date, after the Starcourt disaster, Steve was positive Sunshine was the person for him. But getting to date her, to be with her without the unspoken thing hanging between them, was better than he could have imagined. Dating his best friend was blissful. He was sure no one understood him as much as Sunshine did. She eased his worries and pulled him out of his spirals of self-doubt that sometimes hit him hard.

“I was going to tell you about Kali and me visiting her,” she said, pulling away from him slightly. “I wasn’t just going to leave.” 

“I know.” Because he trusted her, maybe what some people would consider too much, but it was different between them. Once you go through more than one life-or-death situation with someone, you tend to hold more trust, especially when they have never let you down. 

With that, Sunshine took off down the road on her bike, bidding him one last goodbye. He climbed into his car and headed to work. The Family Video store wasn’t the most ideal job, but it was enough for the time being. He wouldn’t be in Hawkins forever, working minimum wage jobs, but he’d stay as long as Sunshine needed to because as he had known since he was a little boy, he’d follow her anywhere. 

→←

The trailer park was quiet that evening. The air smelled like spring, budding flowers, and incoming rain. Sunshine parked her bike in front of the Mayfield’s trailer, beside Max’s, and skipped up the front steps with a bag of greasy burgers and fries from the little dinner she passed on the way. After a few knocks, the door swung open to reveal Max. 

She was skinnier, her face lacking freckles from the sunshine, and her blue eyes were a little sadder than they used to be. Max had been having a hard time since Starcourt, since Billy died, and she felt it was all her fault. No matter how often Sunshine reminded her that it wasn’t, Max didn’t believe her. In the wake of Billy’s death, his dad left Max’s mom, which forced them to sell their home on Cherry Street and move into the town’s trailer park. Her mom was struggling too, working twice as hard to support them and coping with alcohol when she was off shift. It was a shitty situation, but Sunshine refused to let Max isolate herself. It didn’t matter how hard she tried to push Sunshine away, she stayed pestering the redhead with dinner and small talk to take her mind off of her troubles for at least a little while. If Max hated it, she didn’t say so. Instead, Max always let Sunshine inside her house and ate the food she brought. If she was lucky, Max would talk about school or make small talk. 

“I didn’t think you were coming tonight,” Max said, stepping aside to let Sunshine in. She always seemed to stand or sit with her arms crossed, curling into herself any chance she got. Beer cans littered the coffee table and Sunshine had made the mistake of looking at them a little too long. Max huffed before she picked them up, shoving them into the trash. “She had a long day at work. The assholes at her job-” She started to defend her mom, but Sunshine stopped her. 

“Hey,” she said, softly. “I know. I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.” 

Max kicked a couple of discarded jackets into a pile on the floor, pushing them aside to clear a path to the kitchen. “I’m fine.” She wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t and she knew that Sunshine knew that too. 

“I’m sorry I was later than usual,” Sunshine said, switching gears as she sat down the paper bag of food on the counter. “We went to Tamera’s after school.”

“Why didn’t Steve drop you off?” Max asked as she dug into the food. 

“He had to work. I didn’t want him to be late.” Max hummed in response. 

They ate in silence. After they were finished, Sunshine cleaned up their wrappers and helped Max clean up the rest of the kitchen, so that her mom would have one less thing to stress over in the morning when she woke up. Once they were done, Max sat back at the table and rubbed her head. “You don’t have to do this, you know?” she said, quietly. 

“I know,” Sunshine replied. “But since you’re not with the boys as often, this is the only way I get to see you. And this may come as a surprise, but I like hanging out with you.” She really did. Max was like her other younger sister, and she missed the spunky girl she met two years ago. She was still somewhere inside of Max, underneath the rubble of trouble and tragedy. Healing was complicated; Sunshine of all people knew that, and she didn’t expect Max to wake up one morning and revert to the same kid she had once been. Max wouldn’t tell anyone she was struggling; she’d do it all alone and shut everyone else out. Sunshine promised she’d be there though; she’d never give up on any of the kids.

Max rolled her eyes, but there was a small hint of a smile. “I guess I like hanging out with you, sometimes.” Sunshine laughed, musing the hair on top of Max’s head. 

"Oh! I forgot I brought you something.” She dug around in her backpack until she found a slightly wrinkled pink envelope covered in stickers of seashells, starfish, and other oceanic items. “El sent your letter to my house and asked me to give it to you. She misplaced your new address.”

Max’s whole demeanor changed. For a brief moment, the child-like giddiness filled her bright eyes as she snatched the letter from Sunshine’s hand and peeled it open. Inside was a one-paged letter on El’s notebook paper. Her letter had come the day before and El had told Sunshine all about her spring break plans with Mike, who was visiting California. El also started to plan Sunshine’s summer visit, listing all of the fun activities she wanted them to do together. Sunshine couldn’t wait to see the ocean for the first time and spend some much-needed quality time with her siblings. They had visited Hawkins during Christmas break, but a few days wasn’t enough time to catch up.

While Max read her letter, Sunshine moved to the sink to refill her glass of water. As the faucet ran, she gazed out at the gravel road between the trailers. The quiet night started to settle in but was interrupted by loud music spilling from a van that pulled into the lot beside the trailer across from Max’s. The music cut and out from the van jumped a kid who Sunshine went to school with, Eddie Munson. 

Eddie was loud and boisterous. He was also the leader of the party’s new Dungeons and Dragons club. Mike and Dustin admired the teen. Eddie was far from being considered “cool” in popular high school terms, but he didn’t seem to care about what people thought of him, and to the two boys who had a history of being bullied for being themselves, it was probably nice to see someone so similar to them not give into the pressure of acting like everyone else. 

Sunshine wasn’t too sure what to make of Eddie; they hadn’t interacted much, aside from brief hellos when she passed the boys at their lunch table or biked home with them after their meetings. 

“Ugh,” Max groaned, appearing beside Sunshine at the window. “He always comes home like that, probably waking up half of the old people who live here.” 

“The boys like him.” 

“Because they all like the same nerdy game,” Max said. “At least Lucas found a different hobby.” Lucas still participated in the club, but most of his focus was on basketball. Sunshine didn’t know much about the sport, despite having been to all of Lucas’s games that season, but according to Steve, he was really good and would no doubt be team captain come his senior year. Unfortunately, Sunshine’s trip to see Kali meant she’d miss his final game of the season, the championship. But she wished him luck before they left school that afternoon. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself, branching out, and finding more friends to connect with. Sunshine was proud of him, as was the rest of the kids for trying to stay afloat in the new world of high school. It was brand new for her too, and after nearly an entire year she still wasn’t sure if she had the hang of it. 

“Speaking of Lucas-” Sunshine began but was swiftly cut off by a sharp glare from Max; the effect of El’s letter disappeared. 

“Don’t.” 

“I was just going to ask if you were going to his game tomorrow.”

Lucas was a sensitive topic for Max. They had been on and off dating, as much as fourteen-year-olds could, all summer. After last summer, Max “officially” broke it off with him. Lucas gave Max the space she needed to cope, while still trying to be one of her best friends. But Max was hurting, bad, and pushed him out each time he tried to get in. He was still just a kid too, reeling from what had happened, so he backed off. Lucas carried his emotions outside his body while Max kept them buried within. He liked Max and would probably wait forever for her for a relationship or just a friendship. Sunshine had a feeling Max knew that and she was scared of it. Love at their age sounded silly and fruitless, but it was different after what they’d been through. Lucas was one of Max’s best friends; they needed each other now more than ever, but Max was having a hard time accepting that Lucas was trying to prove it to her.

Max shrugged lamely. “It’s not like he cares,” she muttered. 

“I think he cares a lot more than you think.” 

[i-lost-my-last-blog]

Randomly remembered yttd and the fact that I loved the human- doll pairs and their funny little dynamics .

Obv Sara&Ranmaru have an entire messed up one sided codependent relationship going on , very fascinating character writing there . Qtaro&Mai is a sleeper pair when starting that part of the game but I love them? The bond that forms ?? Q-taro being the first to bridge the gap between the humans and the dolls by choosing to spare and forgive her ??? The way she grieves him afterwards ???? UGH . And then you have the funny ones like Gin making Hayasaka his personal carrier because he knows that man cannot say no , Kuramada and Kanna are objectively funny because a big buff man gets told off by a tiny middle schooler but Kuramada and Shin are also amusing because again you pair the boxer with the weakest person in the entire cast . Yeah they are both in their 20s and what if they both had blue(ish) hair and pronouns . The Yabusame siblings and Anzu kinda get safted because of Anzus lack of plot relevance but also because the Yabusames are inherently fucked in logic but it is still rather fitting ironically ? (Just don't think of it from the pov of Alice , a brother who just lost his little sister ) I mean it is interesting how Anzu , the clown with the ridiculous get up , is paired with the people that also dress up in rather … outrageous outfits and makeup in their professional environment .

Then you have Keiji and Hinako lol . Small spy trapped in a mentally ill preteens body

" why am I the one paired with the fucking dude that could potentially figure out my identity "  " don't worry about it I'll throw him in a furnace for most of it you don't have to do anything " " doesn't that make me useless if I have to also remain in the same room you dumb motherfu-"

And Keiji " Middle schooler? My condolences " Shinogi . That man cannot be real

How do you think Hinako spend her time sitting next to the grave like could she hear Keiji going through it inside and just had to stay :| the entire time ? Why would Midori do this to her lmao 😭

[vindickyoutive]

spoilers!!

ok so thoughts on the first 3 eps.

- annie being a childhood bully, i kinda seen it coming. i feel like her mother’s narcissism & projection most likely instilled this sense of entitlement within her in her youth. interesting reveal, i wonder how this’ll come up again later on in the season now that the first half is presumably done.

- hughie’s mom lmfmdmdd that theory i had with his mom also being homelander’s mom seems kinda dead in the water, especially with the post partum & attempted suicide explanation. also hughie & victoria nueman were definitely a thing idc what anyone says, i’ll write the fic myself!

- mm being the leader!! mm kinda being mediocre at it but not messy! also his fight with billy was.. 😕 really feeling like they’re going to do down the comics route & it might be gut wrenching, but who knows!! it seems like they’re still changing things up. (everything that’s going on with black noir’s character)

- frenchie/kimiko, i’ve never seen a captive-savior, friends to siblings to lover, back to siblings to friends trope before and i gotta say.. i could care less either way, makes for an entertaining watch though!

- sister sage, i’d let her sit on my face. that’s it. that’s all. in all seriousness though, wow, talk about a fresh face!! her dynamic with homelander is chefs kiss & the fact that they’re literally going everywhere together the first 3 eps is hilarious, it’s like mean girls but just two girls. homelander literally going out of his comfort zone to recruit her, wooooooooooooooooooooo

- firecracker, not much thoughts on her yet. her backstory with starlight is eyebrow raising but that’s pretty much it!

now to the big 3

- ryan.. oh my precious little angel. god where do i start. first off cameron corvetti is doing an amazing job, really selling how emotionally torn ryan is. ryan himself is such a fascinating character in this season especially, & i love that we’re finally seeing him make his OWN decisions. he went to go see butcher. by himself. he misses butcher, and he knew that it would upset his father but they showed that the boy has his own desires & his own autonomy. every season we either saw ryan with someone by his side, whether it be an adult figure or just anyone else - always making decisions for him or telling him how he should feel about this or that.

he’s told how he should perceive his father, what he should do, what he shouldn’t do, what his future may be. i feel like now, with all those external layers aside, we’re going to see ryan’s approach on things now, especially the later episodes that’ll come out & i’m so excited. god, i’m so sad for him. i have more to say on ryan but i can’t even put it into words.

- billy, billy, billy! still a mess. it’s so interesting seeing him still make borderline bad decisions & pulling out of them, but this time he pulled out of one early. thank god. drugging ryan? that was not going to end well. 💀

like i said, how low he is this season has got to be the lowest we’ve seen him since the beginning of season 2? the beginning of each season he’s pretty down under, but this one just feels different. especially considering that between every interaction someone is basically telling him that’s he’s a deadman walking. 6months, 6months, 6months!! seeing him patch things up with ryan is a balm to my soul, seeing him make ryan smile, balm to my soul, oh & he missed becca so much gaaaaahhh!! on the bright side, seeing him so low, he’s got to get a win soon & i’m ready to see what it’ll be! i wonder how the writers are going to navigate his illness, i still am leaning towards the idea that he might get powers himself. (i havent read any voughthq spoilers other than the few i’ve seen around regarding a bit of hl, these are raw thoughts, most of the time.)

- homelanderrerereeererererrrerererrr

more personal season for him, imo. we seen his morning routine, seen his tits, seen him OUT OF HIS GODDAMN SUITTTT, seen him have an early severe mental episode after he found out ryan was with butcher. next few episodes should do a deep dive, finally, on the torment & abused he suffered through as a child. and i’m just… devastated. now to be truthful, it was a SHAKY start. i didn’t like the taste in my mouth with all of the trump references, & some bits of how he was treating ryan, especially with being all controlling?? if that makes sense? considering how sorta gentle he was with him in season 2 or 3. forcing ryan into this & that, kinda didn’t really align with what whatever they had going on in the prior seasons. i feel like they just wanted to push the envelope a bit, & not so subtly say, hey, he’s not a good dad but the writers don’t know homelander like EYE do so. i mean, we ALL know he’s not the best dad, & his thirst for being the best dad for ryan is the conflict between him & ryan imo 🙂 he wants to give ryan what he never had, he wants everything to be PERFECT for ryan but ryan feels like he doesn’t deserve it, which pushes & pulls at ryan, especially since homelander is all ryan has left in a way. unfortunately, at the end of the day, they both need each other. & that’s how i’ve always seen that pairing.

anyways, episode 3, they kinda got back on track. hmm. i feel like this wouldn’t push ryan completely away from him though, & a delusional part of me sees homelander apologizing to ryan (not a straight up ‘i’m sorry about that’ ofc) perhaps an attempt on giving him a milkshake idk 🥹