#but being overly preoccupied with that sort of thing is not healthy

[communistkenobi]

the only period of my life where I seriously entertained conspiracy was when epstein died and I went down multiple insane rabbit holes about it and the moment he came up in casual conversation with normal human beings and I had to defend the amount of information I knew about the case I was like. this is not worth my time actually

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, sorry to write again I truly do not know how to solve this. I'll be as clear and direct as much as I can this time. I'm carrying a burden and I don't know how to get rid of it. I feel like I don't have permission to be happy, enjoy my life and have experiences with other people because as I said, I feel this invisible pressure from my mother not allowing it and being disappointed by me. I don't think she'll be able to do much if I break free, but:

Being in a hostile home and environment with her around would put me in an even worse mood

Everytime I get the urge to enjoy myself and try new things an impulse inside me prohibits me from doing it anyway, telling me: “You are not allowed”. It's an automatic reflex, I struggle to break free from it because it's so overwhelming and oppressive. I do not know what it is. I know that after this I end up judging and berating people who enjoy and live their lives as a means to “defend” myself. I feel bad because others are allowed to live a normal and fulfilling life (especially on an emotional level) and I'm not.

What is going on with me? How do I solve this? How do I deal with my mother? How can I get rid of this weight I'm carrying? I think I put too much on your plate before, so I'm fine with getting an answer only to these these questions if possible, as it's the matter I care about the most and I'm having the most trouble sorting out. Thanks.

---------------------

It is a fact that your upbringing was not supportive of your ego development. If you truly want to resolve this issue, the first thing you have to do is stop wasting your time and energy on unproductive things like blame, projection, self-pity, or self-dramatization. Unproductive psychological activities keep you trapped in negativity. The more time you spend doing them, the more they drain your energy away, like a black hole.

In short, what this means is, you have a choice to make in every second of your life: Do you choose to devote your mental energy to the positive or the negative? You can't have it both ways. Your mental energy is finite. You can't indulge the negative and then expect to have tons of energy available for doing positive things.

Yes, you are indeed "childish" but not in the way you mentioned before. Your childishness is found in two important elements of your psychology:

1) Lagging Ego Development: Like a child, you are still motivated by the approval and disapproval of authority figures. Since you see yourself as being so small, everyone around you becomes a threatening authority figure.

It is a natural part of human socialization for children to learn the customs, norms, and values of their surrounding society in order to become a productive member. This often means deferring to authority figures in order to facilitate fitting in. However, when a person is still overly preoccupied with fitting in as an adult, they are no longer learning how to socialize in a healthy way but veering into unhealthy conformity, i.e., repressing or sacrificing the true self.

How to resolve this? At some point, it is necessary to grow up into an adult. To be an adult is to exercise your intellect, your will, your needs, your preferences, your beliefs and values, and your prerogative, in order to strike the right balance between honoring yourself and your social obligations. Adults don't need to ask for permission to live; they simply exercise their innate power.

The invisible weight you feel is not really your mother. You have internalized her values to the point where your own voice got silenced, which is usually an indication of Fe overindulgence in INFJs. You were not encouraged and even discouraged from growing as a person. This isn't your fault. However, you are no longer a helpless child. It is now your responsibility as a self-aware adult with the capacity to learn and grow to rejoin the path of growth, through speaking up, standing up, and asserting your adult independence. If you choose not to, you don't get to blame anyone but yourself for staying stuck in childishness.

2) Lagging Moral Development: Young children have a very superficial understanding of morality and are primarily driven by simple pain and pleasure, reward and punishment. They don't stop their bad behavior because they truly understand why it's morally wrong, rather, they only stop because they want to avoid the pain and shame of parental disapproval. They rely on those in power to dictate what is right or wrong because they don't yet have the intellectual capacity to evaluate complex moral issues on their own.

When an adult still holds the moral perspective of a child, they are easily manipulated and exploited by anyone because they simply believe everything they're told. How to resolve this problem? I already stated it: Improve your reasoning skills so that you are able to think for yourself and make good moral judgments on your own.

An important aspect of becoming an adult is learning the knowledge and skills you need to get through life with faith in yourself and confidence in your abilities. Since you have chosen to isolate yourself from the world, you have basically given up every opportunity to develop your potential, and this leads to low self-esteem and low self-worth. You must reverse the process of making yourself small and finally do what it takes to build yourself up, out in the real world.

.

I don't tell people how to make decisions in life, so I can't tell you what to do about your mom. The point is that, being an independent adult, you have to be the one to set the direction and find the best path forward. I can only tell you that the best path forward is always based on care and love. It should not be driven by negative things such as pettiness, blame, resentment, anger, or hate.

The issues you raise aren't uncommon for INFJs or even the general population. The topics of ego development, moral development, auxiliary Fe development, independence, critical thinking, boundaries, self-esteem, the negative effects of abuse, etc, have already been covered in previous articles.

[theoseong]

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT CHALLENGE 1: BATTERY OF TESTS

Enneagram: Type 8 - The Challenger

People of this personality type are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead. When healthy, this tendency is kept under check, but the tendency is always there, nevertheless, and can assume a central role in the Eight's interpersonal relationships.

Personality DNA: Reserved Artist

Dungeons & Dragons Alignment: Chaotic Good

A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society.

Keirsey: Rational

In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.

16 Personalities: The Mediator - ISTP

A Virtuoso (ISTP) is someone with the Introverted, Observant, Thinking, and Prospecting personality traits. They tend to have an individualistic mindset, pursuing goals without needing much external connection. They engage in life with inquisitiveness and personal skill, varying their approach as needed.

Sorting Hat Chats: We think you’re a Gryffindor Primary and a Ravenclaw Secondary.

Lion primaries trust their moral intuitions and have a need and a drive to live by them. They feel what’s right in their gut, and that matters and guides them. If they don’t listen to and act on that, it feels immoral.

Bird secondaries are collectors. Dedicated to knowledge, to facts, systems, tools, or skills, the things they have already learned are what they call on when things get tough. They can collect useful skills, build complex clever systems, invent vitally useful things, or just learn everything there is to know about the large cats of South America.

Four Temperaments: Melancholic

Your temperament is melancholic. The melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. Melancholic people often were perceived as very (or overly) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they could not be on time for events. Melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. Often they are perfectionists. They are self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.

Big Five

Statistical “Which Character” Personality Quiz

Sebastian Wilder (La La Land): 84% Maeve Wiley (Sex Education): 84% Ola Nyman (Sex Education): 84% Janis Ian (Mean Girls): 83% Jo March (Little Women): 83% Kinsey Locke (Locke & Key): 83% Marianne (Portrait of a Lady on Fire): 82% Omar Little (The Wire): 81% Jughead Jones (Riverdale): 81% Kat Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You): 81%

DISC: D Style

The D Personality Style tends to be direct and decisive, sometimes described as dominant. They would prefer to lead than follow and tend towards leadership and management positions. They tend to have high self-confidence and are risk-takers and problem-solvers, enabling others to look to them for decisions and direction. They tend to be self-starters.

[essayisms]

i always really liked ur online presence and so was wondering if u have any ideas on this: how do u maintain a healthy relationship w social media? i follow u on multiple platforms and always see how u seem quite like, authentic (as authentic as u can get rly?) on the internet. like u appear genuine, and i always struggle bc i feel pressure of looking good/like i’m doing well/ worrying abt online validation even though i know it’s meaningless really. i found myself posting photos of myself where i’ve been at my lowest just to appear present and for what? i always end up hating them bc i know they’re completely fake. i used to post weird “ugly” things when i was a teenager and didn’t care, now i’m almost 19 and feel like i’m too old to be caught up in it

First of all I’m so pleased you think that, I do worry about my online presence; that I overshare things too much. But I do want to be authentic so I’m so glad it comes across that way.

I think you manage to find a balance between keeping things that need to be kept private private, and now and again opening up and showing some vulnerability in the hope that might help someone else feel better. Showing that not everything is “perfect” is just being honest with people. I get why most people don’t want to do that, because so so many thing’s I’ve opened up about I’ve had used against me in hate messages (my eating disorder, being abused, having my close friends leave me after I broke up with my ex). I think because I’m 23 now and have had many many years on the internet and learned from how I come across to people and read all sorts of terrible things and other peoples opinions on me (how I look, as a person, my life, my traumas, etc) hate messages don’t bother me in the way they used to, so I feel more liberated in sharing things.

As for wanting to project an “image” online - there’s this fascinating phenomenon that’s been happening over the past few years where almost all of us have been brainwashed into “branding” ourselves and curating ourselves as if we are a sellable product. Idk I have a lot of thoughts on it that I won’t get into rn. But essentially it can be fun and should be fun to use social media, I hope this doesn’t get taken the wrong way but you’re the only person who cares about your social media image (unless you have a big following i’m assuming you don’t from how you’ve worded this). So therefore, don’t worry about what people think because 9 times out of 10 they are too preoccupied with their own online presence. I think you’ll find the more authentic you are and the more you open up to people, the more warming engagement and interactions and connections you’ll make with people. I think people notice authenticity, and they are drawn to that opposed to this overly curated and false image that people think is what they should be doing on social media. I hope this helped and sorry I took so long to answer !

[emilx311]

Madara was concerned about how much time the pretty white-haired girl spent in the library studying so she decided to do something about it (No Izuna, it's not because she has a crush-shut up!) 

So this is my entry for @madatobigiftexchange. I was given @delightfulbouquettidalwaveposts here on tumblr with the prompt of fem!MadaTobi. I have never written male characters as females ones before, but I decided to take the prompt anyways as a challenge. And a challenge it was XP This fic really, really did not want to get written. I looked at other prompt lists for plot inspirations and built this off one I saw that went "I work in the library and I'm a little concerned for your health because you never stop studying" (which made me think of Tobi right away). This was an interesting experince, but don't expect me to be doing anymore fem!stories anytime in the near future XP Enjoy and let me know how I managed.

Read on ao3 or here below the cut

Madara glared at the white head almost obscured by textbooks from where she was leaning on the check-out counter. She’d taken the job at the library because it was on campus and the only place, apart from the coffee shop, that was hiring and she’d desperately needed the cash. The Uchiha had known from the start she wouldn’t love it, but she hadn’t counted on this particular annoyance when she’d taken it. Over all the job wasn’t the worst, re-shelving books was boring but kept her away from people and even check-outs were usually fast and efficient since the other students just wanted to get their books and get out of there to finish their projects. She was allowed, even expected, to snap at anyone being loud, annoying, or goofing off. She could even give herself priority access to any books she might need for her classes, and if things were slow her bosses were fine with her reading and doing homework behind the desk during her shift. Really, the job itself was pretty fine-except for one particular thing, or well, one particular person.

That person was the white-haired girl currently camped out at her usual table near the front desk, almost invisible, lost as she was in a sea of textbooks and papers. As always. There was also a large number of used coffee cups scattered around her. As always. She was the first one there in the mornings and was the last to leave at the end of the day. Every day, or at least, every day Madara was there. Madara was pretty sure that if the library was open 24/7 the other girl would have moved in. She wasn’t even completely certain the white-haired girl left to attend the classes she studied so furiously for. It was concerning.

Madara knew, knew, that it wasn’t really any of her business, but she couldn’t help but worry about the other girl. No, she wasn’t a friend or even an acquaintance. Hell, Madara didn’t even know her name, but she knew that living like that couldn’t be healthy. Constantly either reading or working on her next project, or paper, it exhausted Madara just watching her. The other never even seemed to talk to anyone! In fact, Madara had never seen anyone else so much as wave at the white-haired girl, let alone actually say hi or sit with her. It didn’t sit right with Madara. Izuna would say it was Madara’s intense mother-hen instincts coming out, not that her little brother had any room to talk, she thought with a scowl.

In any case, it had been bothering her for months, the sad state of the other girl’s life, and she had finally had enough! Clearly no one else had any plans of intervening in this slow death by school work so Madara would have to do it herself. The white-haired girl was just too pretty to be left to such an end. Not that Madara thought she was particularly pretty or anything, but well, the Uchiha had eyes and so could therefore see fine the girl’s features were. Nodding to herself at her own impeccable logic, Madara went back to work sorting books and trying to think out a plan to save the girl from herself.

Ultimately Madara decided to start small, because even she knew that telling off a stranger about their life choices would come across and creepy and kind of stalkerish. Also, and more importantly, her boss would fire her for bugging library patrons who weren’t breaking any of the rules and Madara did need this job. So, yes, starting small was likely the best approach. Plus, if she was lucky the small disturbances would be enough to startle the girl into reality and taking stock of her life style and improving it without Madara having to ever actually talk to her. Which would be fantastic, and not disappointing at all-shut up Izuna!

Plan, or some semblance there of, in place she saw no reason to delay in implementing it so the next day she slipped a granola bar onto the table by the girl’s coffee while the other looked particularly preoccupied with one of her many books. She does so as she walks by with a load of books to re-shelve, and a quick glance once she returns from doing so shows that the other girl is actually eating it. It’s one of the few brands of such products that Madara actually likes. The only one to, in her opinion, have managed the near-impossible feat of being both healthy and tasty. So, overall, she counts her first step as a in, even after she’s forced to duck quickly into the back so no one will notice her laughing over the face the white-haired girl had made once she finally registered she was eating something and had no idea where it came from. It had been a perfect blend of shock, confusion, and overall befuddlement. Madara would even go so far as to say it was adorable (no she didn’t think the girl was cute, shut up Izuna!).

Madara continued to slip granola bars to the girl on an utterly random schedule. After a couple weeks of that, when the other continued to maintain her ridiculous study patterns, she decided to step it up a bit. She began to alternate between leaving the bars and various types of fresh fruit, keeping an eye out for any preferences or allergies (not because she cared or anything-shut up Izuna!). Thus far though, the puzzled white-haired girl had seemed equally happy with all her offerings. The speed at which they were eaten both amused her and made her worry even more, but as she reminded herself often, she was already doing something about it.

Her next escalation was to add a bottle of water to go along with whatever snack she had brought the other. This made sneaking them onto the table without being seen slightly harder, but Madara was nothing if not determined. The white-haired girl did take occasional breaks, usually to return some of her books, find new ones, or to go get more coffee, and Madara used these breaks to her advantage. Soon this escalated even more to slipping the other more substantial snacks. Before Madara knew it, it had been almost three months and she was practically giving the other girl full lunches several times a week. (She was not overly invested in this-Shut up Izuna!) And, though she would never admit it (especially to her brother), the smile her offerings got, small and always clearly delighted, made butterflies flitter around in her stomach. Those smiles quickly became her favourite, and most looked forward to, part of the day. She’s aware that she won’t be able to keep this up forever, but for now…for now it was good.

It was the other girl who changed things up next, somewhere in the middle of month four, teaching Madara her name in the process. It was a Tuesday and the white-haired girl had left her table, heading in the direction of the coffee shop which was Madara’s cue to sneak over and leave her gift as usual. Except, in the spot she usually left them (a spot which was now almost always clear of debris and waiting for her offering) was a small note.

To My Gift-giver,

      I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate the food, though you really don’t need to trouble yourself every day for my sake.

                                              ~Senju Tobirama

Madara ended up taking the note with her after leaving the food and kept glancing at it periodically all day when no one was looking. Tobirama’s writing was small and simple, but neat. It was legible and pretty without wasting time on any sort of fancy flourishes. From what she had observed of the other Madara felt it suited her perfectly, as did her name. Unusual, unique, and really quite beautiful-just like the girl herself (okay, so maybe she had a small crush-Shut. Up Izuna!). Madara wrestled with herself for the next day or so, but ultimately decided to leave her own note in reply the next time she left food.

Tobirama,

     Considering I’ve never seen you eat anything except for what I give you I really do. Wouldn’t want you to end up fainting in the middle of the library.

                                         -A Concerned Citizen

The note was perhaps a bit…caustic, but then so was Madara herself, and she had no intention of changing who she was for anyone-no matter how cute their smile. If Tobirama couldn’t deal with a bit of attitude then it was better to find that out now before she got even more invested (so you admit you’re invested! Shut up Izuna!). It would be a disappointment, but still better than the inevitable blow-up that would occur otherwise. Still, Madara spent the rest of the day restless and trying to convince herself she wasn’t on edge because she was worried about how Tobirama would react. She took the first chance she saw the next day to slip Tobirama her food, hoping to find another note-and couldn’t help the ecstatic smile she gave upon seeing there was one waiting.

Dear Concerned Citizen,

      How sweet, but given I managed to survive just fine until you came along, I would say that your concern lacks merit. If anything, accepting food from someone whose name and identity I still don’t know seems more likely to end up causing me harm.

                                              ~Tobirama

Madara’s (slightly besotted) smiled turned into a true grin once she got the chance to actually read Tobirama’s note. Not only did the other girl not seemed turned off by her attitude but she was showing one to match, not seeming cowed in the slightest. It wasn’t a guarantee that this, that they, would work, but is was a start and a pretty good one at that. Madara didn’t quite feel ready to reveal herself and give up the game yet, but she was more than happy to keep the exchange going.

Tobirama,

     You may have a point, but if you are so concerned about the potential harm I could do to you with my offerings then why do you keep eating them? As far as you know they may have been safe so far only because I’ve been working on luring you into a false sense of security. A ploy, which if such were my intention, seems to have been working nicely I might add. Which only gives me more reason to be concerned about your health.

                                         -Your Lunch Maker

Dear Lunch Maker,

      It’s a public space and I have samples of your handwriting in notes admitting to giving me the food, you can’t harm me without bringing yourself down as well. Unless this is all a complicated scheme to get yourself some jail time it seems a rather flawed plan. If it is your way of getting yourself sent to jail, I would like to remind you that there are many more straightforward ways of doing so and would request you leave me out of it.

                                              ~Tobirama

Tobirama,

     You need not worry too much on that account. I am far too busy to go to jail right now. Not as busy as you always seem to be, of course, but that hardly means I have nothing to do! Besides, if I were to ever wind up in jail it would be for something far more dramatic and impressive than poisoning one person’s lunch!

                                         -Irritated at your Assumptions

Dear Irritated,

      I’m not as busy as all that, not really. I’ve been far more occupied many times in the past, though my brother often tells me I have a tendency to commit myself to too much. Still, I am not finding the load to be too onerous. I would, however, like to hear more about this “dramatic and impressive” crime you would be arrested for. To be so specific you must have a plan in mind and I find myself curious.

                                              ~Tobirama

Tobirama,

     I think your brother may have a point. I can’t say I know the specifics of your workload, but given the amount of time you spend in the library I would assume it is fairly large. Shouldn’t you be attending classes regularly anyways? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you leave for one, which does make me wonder. Have you thought of taking breaks, going outside, maybe getting some sun? I hear it’s healthy for you, though given the fact I seem to be your main source of food I still have very little in your care for your health.

     Also, I have no plans for crimes of any sort you menace! As I told you I am far too busy to end up in jail. Besides, who would feed you and remind you of your health if I were arrested? You’d miss me and these little notes, you know you would!

                                         -Not a Criminal

Dear Not a Criminal,

      Not that it matters, but I have an arrangement with my professors that allows me to attend them irregularly because of the number I’m taking. Also, I believe I have told you before that I survived just fine before you decided it was your mission to take care of me, a fact which I would like to once again remind you of. Not that I am ungrateful for your care, quite the opposite really. Your gifts remain very appreciated and you are quite correct that I would miss you if you were arrested, and as you insinuated it would not just be because of the lack of food! Also, there are plenty of supplements that can replace the need for sunlight. Despite this, I would be willing to venture out in it, for the right motivation-if you are not determined to continue to remain anonymous.

                                              ~Tobirama

Tobirama,

     I must admit that your insinuated request both thrills and terrifies me. Though I could not help but notice your beauty, I want you to know that this really did start from honest concern (no one should spend so much time studying!) and not from a hope of securing myself a date with you. I did not expect it to go on so long, or the note you left or the exchange that has followed. After all this I hope I will not disappoint compared to whatever image you have in your head of me.

                                         -Anonymous for now

Madara was forced to admit, to herself at the very least (Izuna was not to know), that she was a bit nervous. As her note to Tobirama had said, this had all started out of genuine concern for the other girl. Yes, Madara had noticed she was pretty, but so were a lot of other people who came to the library. But then, as the letters they had exchanged continued, as she’d found out Tobirama was smart, sassy, able to match Madara as very could and give as good as she got. Well, after learning all that she couldn’t help becoming a bit invested, hence the nerves-not that she was going to let that stop her!

She’d gotten to the library early, before it officially opened actually (her co-worker hadn’t minded letting her in) and had left her last note to Tobirama on the girl’s usual table, minus the food that usually accompanied it. That she had in a simple picnic basket along with a bouquet of wildflowers, because she refused to be so cliché as to ask someone out with roses. She was currently ducked behind her usual hiding shelf, just out of sight of the entrance and Tobirama’s table. All she could do now was wait for the other girl to arrive.

Thankfully the library was to open in just a minute or two and Tobirama was, of course, through the doors only moments after they were unlocked. Madara felt a sort of exasperated fondness at the sight, and the girl’s predictability. She watched as Tobirama made a beeline for her table only to pause nearby, clearly confused by the sight of the note. The white-haired girl glanced around before shrugging and picking it up. Madara watched as Tobirama read it, blushing slightly with a pleased smile that melted into a look of confusion and slight disappointment once she reached the bottom. Madara took this as her cue, and after taking a deep breath stepped out from behind the shelf.

“Hi, I’m Uchiha Madara. I work here in the library and I’m honestly a little concerned for your health because you never stop studying, so I’m hoping to convince you to take a break for once and come outside with me for some sun and food” Madara said, holding the flowers out and trying to look confident.

“Hi, I’m Senju Tobirama, over worked grad student and P.A. My health is fine, thank you, and I can take care of myself, but if you insist on making sure for yourself I won’t say no” Tobirama replied in turn, taking the flowers. The smile she had been wearing early had returned, even larger than before and Madara could feel a matching one grow on her own face and she finally got the girl out of the library, for a time at least.

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #154

The Sports Tournament Arc has come to a close (watch me eat my words), and while things may not have ended in the most spectacular or dramatic fashion, it does offer a healthy dose of retrospection after the flurry of emotions we’ve undergone during this whole thing. Tomoko’s world may be winding down for the moment, but as we all know, that just sets the pace for things to spring right back up. 

Chapter 154: Because I’m Not Popular, The Sports Tournament Will End

Watamote has always been relatively good at picking apart what it means to be female, and acknowledging their habit for casual grooming is just one of those times. But where this series shines is that it neither advocates or condemns stereotypical female behavior. Its stance has always been, “it is what it is,” and the reader is open to make their own opinions on that.

Well, I never expected them to win, honestly speaking. This ain’t no shounen sports manga after all, where the underdogs make a dubious comeback thanks to Nakama Power™. The obligatory homosexual subtext was there, though.  

Yeeeah, one of Yuri’s biggest flaws is that it takes her some time to admit, or even recognize her own responsibilities. Naturally, that includes pointing out other’s faults before her own. That being said...

Is Yuri being Bitchy or Awkward? An Analysis to Come in A Couple More Pages.

Tomoko, being the one to slightly raise up everyone else’s spirits? I’d be more shocked if her growth didn’t already make that actually kind of plausible.

This right here is the single coolest girl in the entire manga.

Side note: Komi’s rekt face is sublime. 

That hit had so much force, it burst through the panel borders. For once, poor Minami.

I see friendships all over the place.

In spite of (or perhaps because of) Komiyama’s overzealous nature, she can also be hit pretty hard with a sense of shame when her efforts prove fruitless. Maybe Itou plays the role of the “Lift Their Spirits” Friend in times like this.

At least the other girls are also taking their defeat in stride. Although, Minami seems particularly down for once. Perhaps she surprisingly feels some disappointment over their loss.,,

....or maybe she just feels jaded watching Mike and her Boyfriend make kissy-face. 

The thing about Kiyota is that he doesn’t seem like an especially capable guy. But from what we’ve seen, the dude’s got a pretty agreeable personality that sort of just makes it easier for people to follow him. It’s the same reason why he became the class representative. Kiyota may not be at the top of the class in any way (that we know of), but his likability makes him a natural leader.

Of course, his true friends will still give him hella shit for it.

Like many loners with self-esteem issues, no one cares about winning until they actually start winning.

Hey, hey, hey! It seems that the disastrous fallout between Tomoko and Ucchi didn’t the stop the latter from making good on her claim to cheer Tomoko on. We don’t know if the Emoji Gang ever intervened after those events, but if Ucchi still has the nerve(cluelessness) to cheer the girl she berated, that can only be a good sign.

It’s kind of weird seeing Hirasawa next to her though, considered how Ucchi cut her down that one time. Long-term grudges do not exist unless you’re Tomoko.

Fuuka, eh? The gap between a character’s first major appearance and their revealed name gets smaller each time.  

So these two are close friends, I see. They certainly give off those “alpha girl’ airs, but not in an unapproachable way. Contrary to what Western media has fed me, bitchy queen bees aren’t actually that popular. 

I’m sure many a shipper thinks that Katou chose table tennis to be with Tomoko, but I don’t that’s the only reason. It could just as well be that she’s into the sport. For the longest time, Katou’s personality has increasingly contrasted with her appearance. On the surface, she looks like the stereotypical beauty whose friendly, girly, and is super popular. But underneath, she’s also rather unaware, possibly perverted, not actually that good with makeup, and frankly, a bit of a weirdo. She’s all full of surprises, and it honestly makes her feel more human.

That was probably not her intent, but a mini party is definitely more up Tomoko’s alley. She just barely made it through the KBBQ party after all, and while Tomoko would’ve probably made it through another large-scale party even easier, small get-togethers are the introvert’s bee’s knees.  

It’s still hard to get a read on Futaki’s sociability, but she seems like a middle-of-the-road case as far as we’ve seen.

Yuri using Tomoko as a support beam is way within my expectations of her. It hasn’t steered too far into the Unhealthy Zone (yet), but I do enjoy that Tomoko’s simple company is all Yuri really needs to enjoy herself.  

Introvert Problems #092: Preoccupying yourself with your beverage to break the awkward silence without realizing the social cue of waiting to clink glasses before drinking. 

Smooth move, me Tomoko.

Good taste, my girl. Very good taste.

I love how the artistic license in this series is played completely straight. Girls with cat smiles are a dime-a-dozen in manga, but it’s usually a visualization only apparent to the readers. But not here. Emoji eyes and a feline grin are just as ludicrous in-universe as it is to us.

Yeah...I have no idea what to make of this. Guess Yuri has her own weird quirks, after all. What makes it extra funny is when you remember that Tomoko is strangely good at cutting things. Ironic humor at its finest.

Harking back to what I said about Katou being full of surprises, it’s easy to judge Katou sorely on her appearance, given how much more refined she looks next to the other “plain" girls. But when you look beyond what’s skin deep, Katou actually has more similarities to Tomoko than she let on. Being decently athletic, but not sporty; having a high tolerance for perversion, and socially naive at times. Katou’s affection for Tomoko had always felt out-of-place when we didn’t know her personality too well. But now that we’ve gotten a good look at it, her budding friendship with Tomoko feels all the more authentic.

Being the Nucleus Friend is never easy, Tomoko. 

Ah, Tomoko, regrets are natural. One of the more informed aspects about Tomoko is that she doesn’t dwell on the past too much. Her episodes of cringe hardly have everlasting negative effects on her personality, and the only times she does dwell are when she comes to terms with the mistakes she’s made. The twist now is that Tomoko puts a positive spin on it this time. Instead of bemoaning how she did something bad, she now reflects on how she could have done something good. It’s a layer of positive reinforcement that I think Tomoko has truly benefited from.  

Futaki coming through with the Nakama Speech™. It’s a pretty good one, too. Not heavy-handed or overly sentimental, but it’s from a place of earnestness that many can appreciate.

And I just realized that Futaki has been going through a quiet development from being a single-player gamer to multi-player gamer. Damn, that was slick, Nico Tanigawa.    

Hey now, those Spot the Difference games are totally legitimate critical thinking exercises.

It’s easy to think from first glance that Yuri is being purposely insensitive by the way she’s ignoring such a heartwarming speech, but I don’t think that’s really the case. It’s not that she doesn’t care about it, it just that those dining table games are too damn engaging for her introverted mind to resist. Yuri’s personality is a lot of things, but a lack of empathy is not one of them. 

Even though that’s true, it sounds vaguely hypocritical coming from you, Tomoko.

As I thought, Mako the Mom is also Mako the Enabler. 

Is Yuri Being Bitchy or Awkward?

Neither. She’s being a weirdo.

We all know by now that Yuri’s no sheep. She’s not going to pretend she’s something she’s not just to reciprocate the mood. But at the same time, she’s aware enough to adjust herself in situations where just doing anything she wants would be potentially hurtful. Of course, that’s only when she realizes she’s being hurtful. And there’ve been a number of times where she failed at that. Yuri’s behavior is very much circumstantial, and in cases where she’s expected to fit in with the crowd, she can be bitchy, awkward, or neither based on how well she can read the atmosphere. 

And that, my friends, is why Yuri’s a weirdo.

I don’t know about that, Tomoko. As absurd as her face and gaming skills are, Futaki’s personality has always seemed fairly normal to me.

Don’t judge an emoji by its emoji.

You may laugh at their apparent difficulty at finding them all, but I read up that these specific Spot the Difference games are a reference to the ones they have in Saizeriya restaurants, which are known for being notoriously tough. (Seriously, a dude called up the manufacturer because he couldn’t find the last one). Thanks as always, /r/watamote!

Eat your words, Tomoko! Just because you have more friends now, that doesn’t mean you’re hot shit and too good for “childish” games. Not that I can blame her too much, though. It’s understandable that Tomoko feels there are certain social conventions that come with increased popularity. But if there’s one thing that Tomoko still has to realize, it’s that popularity doesn’t equal maturity. No matter how high you are on the food chain, doing dumb kiddie stuff is present all across the board. 

Didn’t I tell you that, “Not that I care” was going to be this series’ tsundere line? 

When you think about it, Yuri’s come a long way from how she was at the start. At the end of second year, she lamented that her new friends might drift away from her. Compare that to now, where she’s actually more optimistic about her relationships. Sure, the fact that they’re now in the same class is the key difference, but the sentiment is still there, and feels a lot more impactful given that Yuri has never really been this open about her feelings. 

That’s what happens when you get the last word in.

As with most of these arcs, it’s the journey rather than the end that has the most impact on our characters. For some, like Ucchi and Yuri, it was a major game-changer in their relationships with Tomoko. For others, like Itou and Hirasawa, it was an exploration of what made them the way they are. And then there’s Tomoko, still fumbling around with a degree of popularity she was never fully prepared for. 

But for everyone, it was all about trying. Trying something new, putting in the extra effort, and reaching out to others. While the results were kind of a mixed bag, nearly everyone came out of this tournament with some form of victory.

[funkymbtifiction]

Help! Can you be annoyed by your own cognitive functions in someone else?

I’m wondering if you can help me sort something out. For the longest time I’ve typed myself as an INFP - from back when I started with just the individual letters, but even reading everything here and considering the functions. I’ve always identified strongly with Fi, and the people in my life seem to agree that it’s a ‘central’ facet of my personality (a consistent theme during my wedding toasts was that I know what I want / who I am / what I think and I will often stubbornly hold to that) . However, I’ve never fit certain INFP stereotypes (being very sensitive to criticism, non-confrontational, or broody). But – I know not to trust type stereotypes and Fi/Ne always made sense to me.

But recently I’ve been questioning my type for one big reason: I have a close INFP friend who drives me CRAZY in very Fi-ways. She is basically an INFP stereotype: emotionally-driven artist, strong morals, deep self-doubt, very sensitive to any perceived slight, extremely creative and idealistic.

So my high-level question is: Is it possible to be annoyed by someone’s thinking process if they are the same type as you?

My more specific questions is: am I interpreting these scenarios correctly as examples of Fi-dom/Ne-aux in her – and is my annoyance at them an indication that I am NOT in fact Fi-dom/Ne-aux?

For example:

She has an extremely rigid idea of right/wrong and will write off anyone/anything if she believes they are wrong or ‘bad.’ She won’t even read books or articles by people if she doesn’t think she will agree with them. This drives me INSANE. It bothers me on some extremely deep level how close-minded she is and that she won’t even entertain ideas if she believes them to be counter to her values. I’ve had to avoid being around her at times because this rigidity is emotionally draining to me. I think maybe this is my Ne reacting very emotionally to her strong Fi.

She tends to interpret the actions of others as being targeted at her. For example, she has accused mutual friends of being ‘emotionally manipulative’ when they are simply expressing their feelings about how something she did impacted them. I have noticed that in order to get her to think about it differently, I have to first validate her initial feelings/judgements, and only then is she open to consider alternative explanations (classic Fi/Ne I assume – but to me it seems SO reactive – why put yourself through all that?).

She gets easily overwhelmed by stress and will quit/withdraw from things regardless of the impact of others (and without thinking of alternatives). For instance, she was planning an event for a group of friends that everyone was looking forward to (her idea). She became overwhelmed by the planning (inferior Te?) and canceled the entire thing. I understood that she was overwhelmed and thought it was appropriate for her to step down if it was causing her stress, but I was baffled that she wouldn’t think of other options that wouldn’t leave us all in the lurch. I suggested that I could take on hosting instead with the help of some other friends. I actually enjoy coordinating events so it was the obvious solution to most of us.

There are other example, but I’ll stop there. All of this is making me think that I might actually be an ENFP since my Ne seems to be confused/frustrated by her Fi a lot. Except – I’ve never really doubted being an introvert, despite being somewhat social and very people-oriented. I value my relationships highly, but am really most comfortable alone and always have been. Am I missing some explanation for why her Fi bothers me so much? Is it just because it’s not MY Fi with MY values/beliefs? Help!

It’s possible, yes, to be annoyed by people who share your functional stack, in the same order you have it. It often comes down to a case of a mature person finding an immature one irritating. ;)

From what you describe, there’s three possibilities here and one certainty.

Possibility #1: You are an ENFP. This is plausible, because Ne-doms are not very extroverted and a lot of ENFPs mistype as INFPs. The biggest and most observable difference between them is Ne-doms are instant reactors; there’s no delay between hearing a thing and responding to it. That’s why they have a reputation for being sarcastic, witty, even mean at times -- they hear something, they respond to it, and usually it in some way twists the situation around to mock it or show its weak spots. INFPs have a longer delay, due to an introvert-first process; they are more serious in general than the ENFP (unless they’re a 6w7, which brings an element of “funny” to soften them to appeal to others and deflect harm). Another good way to decide this is to decide if you suck more at Te (organizing) or Si (details) and look for evidence in your daily life.

Possibly #2: You are both INFPs and you’re just finding her annoying. If you’re sure about being Fi-dom, you form almost instant judgments on situations (and then open up with Ne, rather than the other way around), and you have a strong and competent Si... then yes, you’re an INFP.

Possibility #3: She’s an ISFP. You gave me plenty of examples of Fi-dom, but nothing to indicate she’s an intuitive, which means the likelihood of her being an ISFP is high. You should be seeing evidence of Ne, if it’s there (including her changing her mind a lot, over a relatively short span of time); and if it’s not, her “singular focus” could be because she doesn’t have it, and is prone to Fi/Ni loops. ISFPs are just as sensitive and creative as INFPs, but they have low Ni. Being super stubborn about sticking to a narrow point of view without intuitive nuance is the a habit of an unhealthy, looping ISFP --  low Ni locks onto “one interpretation” and misreads the situation. The Fi lacks sufficient Ni maturity to assess their conclusion as wrong, so defends it while rejecting external ideas.

Sounds like her, right?

The certainty is this:if she is an INFP (and not an ISFP in a loop) she is resisting Ne development.

If that is the case, that’s not good. At all. When Ne tries to kick on, healthy Fi users embrace it. It’s new. It’s interesting. It’s full of possibilities. It broadens their perspectives and their minds. It makes the INXP as they get older, “soften” their harsh dominant judgments and realize those judgments do not work in every single situation. It brings in nuance.

But less healthy Fi users don’t want nuance. That’s scary. They don’t want to challenge their point of view, out of fear they might lose it. Seeing the other side of something could shake them from their convictions, and that’s all they have. There are tons of people in this world, and very few of them will actively and open-mindedly go in to explore the opposing views without having a chip on their shoulder or something to prove. They’re scared of what might happen if they let go if their preconceptions and have to start from a blank slate. Some people are okay with uncertainty and not knowing. Your friend, thus far, is not one of them. If she’s Ne, she’s pushing away from Ne, coz it’s scary.

As a result, nothing in her stack is developing right. All she is, is Fi. That’s the central core of her being an identity. Her Ne isn’t working right, which means her Si won’t develop right, which means her Te hasn’t a hope in hell. And, there’s nothing you can do about it, except wait and watch. Life is not going to let her stay this way. It will teach her that these narrow views, and being needy and offended over nothing isn’t how reality works. Reality is, people want you to get the job done, and not be a baby about it. She will come to a crisis at some point in which she will have to choose whether to deny reality, and continue as she is (and face a lot of failure, disappointment and hardship, due to her poor cognitive stack development) or she will ... start developing Ne.

Ne will help her with Fi. It will allow her to be more objective and take things less personally, because instead of assuming the worst from her friends intentions (a hasty, bad intuitive knee-jerk connection -- reading into what’s there, based on feelings, instead of seeing what’s there and intuitively gathering the truth from it), she will stop to think, “Maybe they meant this... or that... or nothing at all... and I’m just overreacting.”

If you are both INFPs (and she sounds ISFP to me), your annoyance isn’t because you’re not her type, it’s because you embraced Ne and she hasn’t. Yet. She may still. Give it time. I understand how frustrating it can be to see someone self-sabotaging like that, and mistreating her friends by being overly self-preoccupied and easily offended, but have some compassion for her. For some reason, she is intimidated by Ne. And that’s sad. But it does not mean that someday down the line, she’ll grow up.

At some point, you had to make the same choice... and you matured. She can mature too. It’s not wrong to challenge her, though. Everyone needs friends to support and love them, and also call them out on their crap. ;)

- ENFP Mod

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Ms Seattle.

Previous Chapters.

The hour and thirty-minute flight wasn’t too bad once Harry pushed coffee down my throat to help with my slight wine hangover, I am not like he who can drink and not have much of a hangover the next day. I guess you could say I am a lightweight. Harry was eyeing this girl on the flight that was across from us, of course, he was subtle and couldn’t get her number despite the fact I kept nudging him to at least take a chance and talk to her. But, he didn’t. He already wasted his time in Cali without managing to find a girl to try work his charm on. He was preoccupied with tasting new wines with me.

I profoundly sigh as we wander around the farmers market along the bay, a large cup of coffee in my hand with a double shot because according to Harry, I am extremely irritable without coffee, very more so when I have had a bit too much wine the night before. This makes it my second cup by now.

“Why so glum, darling? You still wine drunk?” Harry chimes, entertained by my heavy tempers and sluggish motions. I benevolently poke him while I roll my eyes and take a drink of my coffee that tastes divine — if anyone was wondering— Harry insisted on combining white chocolate syrup to it, needless to say, he executed a good choice. “Ouch, you still grouchy, eh?” Harry smiles that goofy grin of his, his eyes glistening radiantly with the delightful spring ray of sun.

“Not grouchy,” I shake my head in defence, trying my best to not sound too grumpy, truth is, I probably am being cantankerous, but it isn’t my fault, I am not a morning person, even when I am completely sober, but sunshine over here — Harry — is solely a morning person. “Can’t help that I am not like you and like a bloody Lion.”

“A lion?” Harry raises a brow while taking a sip of his coffee that isn’t nearly as strong as mine.

I nod my head, “yes, you tend to wake up early and be full of beans, but by the early evening, you are totally run out of steam. Just like a Lion.”

“And where on God’s green earth did you hear that?”  … “Not run out of steam by early evening.”

“In some article I read, it is a thing, look it up,” I respond.

Harry chuckles to himself, “And what is your animal?”

The tone of his voice makes me assume he is attempting to mock me.

I shake my head while attempting to suppress my smirk written across my lips, “Doesn’t matter,”

Harry shakes his head, “Oh, no. Tell me.”

I bite my lip before taking a breath, “A wolf,”

Harry arches a sly brow, “I can see that, moody, feisty and will occasionally pounce.”

I roll my eyes at him, “Jackass,” I snicker while elbowing him tenderly.

“’m not wrong, am I, love?” Harry benevolently nudges me to my side with a cheeky tone laced with his voice.

“You are such a child.”

“Many people find that to be an endearing quality.” He is sarcastic as he speaks and continues to lead us along the path of the farmers market, passing by small little stands

“Harry, why can’t we go to the music project Museum?” I sigh.

“I love music, but I am on a break from it, love.” … “Thought you’d like the art museum… at least you can’t get drunk.”

“Oh, hush,” I gently hit his arm, “you encouraged my wine tasting, you are not innocent in this.”

“Whatever, Mia,“ Harry curls his arm around me and benevolently draws me in front of him as we walk through a crowd, "go to the right, love,” he informs me as he retains his hand on the small of my back while we bypass the groups of people and make our way to the right where the market expands out and gives us more room.

These pop-up markets are the best place to get the freshest—and healthiest—fruits and vegetables. Of course, Harry had to stop by here, he is a knack for healthy foods and sometimes boring things.

We stop at a small stand and I take the time to document the colours that I can see and the way the vegetables and fruits are placed specifically. I take a picture on my phone of the sweet display, hoping to use it as a spark for writing my next article.

Who knows? Maybe I can write about the significance of farming-markets and the exceptional organically fresh produce. I am sure Harry would love to read it.

I take the moment to focus on the foods as I glance at them, becoming intrigued when I detect an odd item, “What in the world is that?” I challenge while pointing to a red stalk resembling thing I don’t think I have ever seen in my life.

Harry laughs to himself, “that’s Rhubarb,” he responds, not even needing to ask the lady behind the stall to inform him of the vegetable.

“It’s a what?”

“It is one of the vegetables that isn’t a common plant in the garden—and it’s not sold at many grocery stores, Love.”

I pick it up and get a better look at it as if it is some new sort of thing I have just discovered, in my defence, it is newly identified to me. I haven’t seen it a day in my life and I have wandered this earth for about twenty-three years. “What do we do with it?”

“The stalks make good pies, chutneys, crisps, and cobblers, especially when combined with strawberries… might have to get ya to try it sometime.”

“Wow, And to think I thought you never left the bloody tour bus.”

“Oi, cut me some slack.”

“That’s right,” I chuckle, “you’d leave to get kale shakes and god-awful healthy foods.”

“That’s enough out of Ye.” … “Jus’ jealous you can’t cook like me,”

My eyes roll skyward at his commentary, okay, maybe he isn’t lying… I do wish I could cook like Harry. For someone that spends so much bloody time on a tour bus travelling city to city, he is one hell of a good cook.

We leave the small stall and continue walking, just keeping a typical conversation and observing the different surroundings.

Harry tenderly pulls me closer as his eyes dart around for an immediate way out of the chaos that is brewing before his eyes.

“Fuck,” he mutters, tenderly pulling me to the left before his plan of action fails. The two of us become surrounded by women and despite Harry needing a woman, I don’t think either of us are enjoying being surrounded by all these people. While Harry tries to contain the group and politely smile and sign a few things and take a few pictures, Harry and I somehow manage to part ways.

I attempt to grasp his lengthy frame but I am shoved too far back and I take the opportunity to wiggle my way out of the group of fans while he strives to battle his way through the melee.

I move away from the mob and dawdle alongside the dock of the ferry. I assemble on the edge and dangle my legs over the ledge while sending a prompt text to Harry to tell him where I am. I have been in these situations with him a few times in the past. They don’t really bother me much, it comes with the territory.

The sand looks floury underfoot and casts a feathery, sugar-white cast of hue as I take in a deep breath of the salty air. A single yacht bobs in the incoming tide while on the feathery soft sand sun glow tourists walk along the sand and the boardwalk of the farmers market.

“Mia, are you okay?” I hear Harry’s voice before I can manage to look up and see him walking towards me, he offers his hand and helps me up.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I wipe the back of my pants while he stares me up and down.

“You’re not hurt? Are you fine? I’m so sorry–“ Harry begins to fret like the overly protective one he is.

“Harry, stop worrying, I’m fine,” I roll my eyes, “are you okay? You seem to have had a few too many girls wantin’ ya,” I wink playfully and he rolls his eyes at me, “no, seriously, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, better stick to jus’ one girl next time,“ Harry chuckles, "Before you ask, no, I didn’t get any of their numbers. Jus’ because I see women doesn’t mean I am going to jump on them.”

“Well, you’re on this trip to find love.”

“I am on this trip to enjoy time with you, beautiful cities and getting into photography… Our next destination awaits,” Harry gestures towards the ferry boat that is beginning to dock.

*** ***

“I’m so sorry, love,” Harry’s voice radiates from behind me and I glance over to see him extending his arms to a woman, “so sorry,” he again excuses and I raise a brow, a little interested in how high-strung and jittery he appears from accidentally knocking his lanky self into the woman.

She gives him a friendly smile and promises him she forgives him before she wanders off. Harry steps closer to me and I cross my arms over my chest, “ye’ couldn’t ask for her number? You’re wasting time,” I inform him, “she was pretty and tall, just your type.”

He hums, “Mhm, one issue.”

“What’s that? Your lack of confidence to flirt?” I ask point out how he refuses to make any sort of move so far.

“Oi, I have confidence, Mia,” Harry shakes his head in defence, “I can flirt.”

I disagree, purposely striving to pester him at this point, “You have no game, styles.”

Harry’s brows bump together in a scowl, “I do too.”

“So why didn’t you chat her up?” I challenge curiously,

“She has a ring on her finger, off limits,” he informs me and I nod. I am glad he noticed that, I certainly didn’t.

“You have a whole boat of women.” I spread my arms out wide, gesturing towards the large boat that surely has as least one single woman who would find Harry attractive. Hell, he is Harry Styles, who wouldn’t find him attractive?

He has those bewitching, tourmaline-green eyes that are adored by the fairer sex, he has those prominent cheekbones and quite honestly, handsome is an understatement.

“Mia, this isn’t the love boat. Bugger off,” Harry murmurs as he glances down at his drink and swirls the liquid so the ice jingles to the sides of the glass.

Harry takes a swig of his drink while I take a glance around, scoping out the women that pass us while they wander to the various sections of the ferry to get glimpses of the sunset as it casts itself over the Prussian-blue vault of velvet water below us.

I catch the elegant horizon of a warming blood orange hue that leads into an amethyst-purple tint and invades the April sky over Seattle.

Far out to sea, rivers of pulsing light saturate the sea with gold before the sea and sky melt into each other. The palpitating pulse of the ocean is steady and peaceful as we edge closer shore.

After the thirty-five-minute ferry ride to Bainbridge Island, that is meant to be rich in history, culture and natural beauty, Harry and I part ways at the edge of the dock.

Why do you ask?

A lady ‘accidentally’ managed to spill her drink on Harry as the ferry docked at port and I gently nudged him to take it as an opportunity. Fate, you could say. I know she didn’t inadvertently knock her drink into him, it was undividedly done on purpose. I can tell because of the way she appeared bashful when she apologised and the look in her eye. I hope she isn’t planning on going to Vegas anytime soon; she wouldn’t make a good poker player.

I watch them part ways and he glances over at me over his shoulder and I give him a smile before I turn to the right and stroll down to the sunrise-gold beach where my toes reach the sand through my sandals. I find a spot on the golden sand and sit down, enjoying the coolness rushing through my body and the soft grains sinking between my toes.

I take a breath of the salty air and smile to myself as I glance down at my phone and open up the notes I use for writing when I don’t have my laptop on me.

The seagulls squawk over my head and squabble for morsels left behind from the couple that were on a date a few moments ago. I move closer to the water’s edge and allow my feet to touch the edge of the rippling waves crashing against the sand. Between my swirling thoughts of possible things to write about for my next article such as my learnings of grape wine, the distillery and the beautiful fruits from the farmers market.

The water rushes over my feet and I smile to myself, realising that I am sitting in the gateway of paradise that is kindling its own symphony with each movement of the ocean.It’s beautiful, just beautiful.

I lift my head to glance out at the ocean and the way the sky has darkened and the sky now has twinkling stars radiating splendidly.

I wonder what they’re doing, Harry and Seattle girl. Knowing Harry he probably took her to a small dinner with a nice wine. Or he could be walking around the small town like the rest of the tourists that caught the ferry with us. I imagine Harry and his girl laughing down the streets that are lit up by city lights with the breeze of the ocean lingering around them. She’s probably laughing at his corny jokes and trying not to fall for that Cheshire charm that is bewitching.

I am suddenly distracted by a familiar voice, “Of course I find you sitting here writing.”

It’s Harry.

I cock my head to the side and watch as he walks closer with a small smile, “Shouldn’t you be on a date?” I challenge while I stand up and shove my phone into my pocket.

He shrugs, “perhaps, but the ferry is leaving in fifteen so we need to make out way back,” he flicks his head back over to the dock where the ferry remains.

“So, how was it?” I ask while we begin to walk back to the dock.

Harry stays very brief, not giving me much to work with. Honestly, he barely gives me anything to work with. I don’t even think he let her name slip. All I know is that he ordered the Shrimp, Crab & Scallops served in a creamy Alfredo sauce & tossed over penne pasta while she ordered a “house smoked” brisket on ciabatta bread topped with Mango BBQ sauce. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that he paid more attention to the food more than anything.

*** ***

I sit on my own while I stare out into the abyss of the ocean as the ferry rocks against the waves. The cold air swirls around me and I heavily sigh, trying my best to ignore the laughs of everyone around me.

One can only stare out at the ocean for so long before they become rather bored. I could move from my perched position and go scope out the single men on board, but to be quite honest, I am not even in the mood for that.

I kind of just went to hurry up and get to the hotel where I can curl up to the softness of the sheets and go to sleep. Seattle has worn me out.

I feel Harry’s hand touch my back before he climbs over and sits down beside me, “ye’ look like a lone wolf over here,” Harry points out the fact I have kept to myself and was just relaxing on my own. “What’s the matter? Are you cold?” He challenges, taking note of how my legs are curled up to my chest.

“No, I am fine,” I shake my head.

“Then what’s wrong? You’re not even drinking wine or trying to shove me into any other women.” … “You seem like you need cheering up,” Harry comments and I side-eye him.

I clear my throat, “don’t you dare tickle me.”

“Hmm, what’s the matter darlin’, you still wine drunk?” He chuckles and I roll my eyes at him for what is probably the hundredth time today.

Our friendship is based on eye rolls at this point.

“Do we have any other adventures on a boat or a ferry?”

harry thinks for a moment, “Not that I have planned, would you like another? Sure we can do some fishin’ in Florida off a boat.”

I shake my head, “No… don’t want that,” I chuckle, “I think I’m seasick, to sake the least,” I inform him softly as the sea breeze picks up around us and the sudden hurray of other passengers sound. I can only assume someone is celebrating a birthday or someone just bought a round of shots.

“Aww,” Harry coos, his hand rubbing small circles on my back.

“You should be getting back to Ms Seattle,” I flick my head over to where he was in a small group.

Harry chuckles nervously, “Ehh, a bit of a bore… Much rather stay here,” he responds before his arm drapes around me.

“She’s going to think you’re a player, Harry… The next thing you know you’ll be plastered all over the magazines and I will have to politely tell my boss that the articles are false.”

Harry shakes his head, “Didn’t tell her m’ name,” … “Not tha’ stupid, love.”

“What did you tell her your name was?” I curiously inquire.

“Until we get off this ferry, my name is Chandler.”

“Last name Bing?” I grin, a little amused.

“Don’t laugh, your name is Monica,”

“Very creative,” I comment, my eyes catching a glimpse of the moon that is like a ghostly-silver disc in the sky overlooking the astral-blue smoothness from the horizon in. “Why Monica?”

“Because she and Chandler were best friends.”

“No, they were lovers,”

Harry thinks for a moment and shrugs, “Yeah but not until the end.” … “Look at the horizon,” Harry points out to the horizon that has yet to change since the sky turned dark.

“It hasn’t changed since the sun went down, not too interesting,” I mumble as I lean my head on his shoulder, something I always tend to do.

In this friendship, his shoulder becomes my pillow at least once a day.

“Looking at the horizon helps with seasickness, silly. I’ll get ya some ginger ale at the hotel.” …

Harry keeps me occupied and laughing for the most of the Ferry ride, mostly telling me his ridiculous corny jokes that I am pretty sure he reads online late at night when he can’t sleep…

[elegant-etienne]

30 day roleplaying challenge - Days 17 - 18

((Whoops, got a little behind. Was gonna take some screenshots for these and then... didn’t. The answers were long enough and I was lazy.))

17.) What’s your character’s desk/workspace look like? Are they neat or messy? AND/OR What does your character’s bed look like when he/she wakes up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position might they sleep?

Etienne keeps their desktop as a sort of organized chaos. This is mainly because it's actually easier to tell if it's been tampered with if it's a little bit messy. The same thing goes with their draws of personal effects such as make up and accessories. However, they're not the type to let things get out of hand to the point where they can't tell where things are. When it comes to any space they'd have to share with their coworkers or the like, everything is kept meticulously.

Etienne sleeps curled up in a ball on one side. They snore a little bit, which will probably get far worse when they're older. Her Majesty Miss Velvet Anchovy the IIIrd often sleeps in a ball against the small of their back, or precariously on top of them. With the few people Etienne is close enough / trusts enough to sleep in a bed with, they'll often curl right up against their chest for warmth or try to be the little spoon.

18.) Is your character a good cook? What’s their favorite recipe or dish, whether they’re good at making it themselves or not?

Etienne is a decent cook. Being as preoccupied as they are with their weight and appearance, they jumped at the opportunity to cook with lots more fresh and freely available ingredients when they left Ishgard. They really stepped up their cooking game when they got married, focusing intently on creating healthful meals for themselves and their (now-ex) husband so they could both keep hard at work. As an adventurer they also took a lot of pride in baking snacks that were easy to transport and share with others should the need arise.

They started stress-baking a lot after their husband abandoned them. Now they frequently make things like muffins and scones for the clinic, simply because they actually don't care for sweets that much themself. Perhaps some part of them hoped if they focused on the sweets their husband dearly loved, that he would return.

Etienne really loves Hingan sweets (think wagashi) like dango with red bean paste and things flavored with black sesame. They don't like overly sweet sweets at all but they really love the texture of dango. Of the various foods in the world that they like dependent on mood, something like that is high on the list of things they'd never refuse. They also love La Noscan toast with orange syrup (not too much as it’s potently sweet, but they love the texture and the orange zinginess). While they would immediately jump to healthy things like fish and seafood - and as someone who fishes as a hobby, they frequently cooked like this for their husband - they actually have a very soft spot for rich, heavy Ishgardian comfort foods, though they don't like to bother with the time it takes to cook it. The item they cook most for themself is fried tomato and cheese sandwiches, and grilled fish "Hingan style" with some rice and seaweed.

[digijosify]

What to Say About Sora?

Lots, it turns out.

Now I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating that I’ve been out of the loop in the DIgimon fandom for a considerable amount of time before starting up this blog, so I don’t know how much of what I’m about to say is new or novel, but what the hey. This is my blog, and I’ll say what I want, regardless of how many people have said it before me! :p

Of all the characters in Digimon that I’m familiar with, I would say that I identify most closely with Sora. We’re both Mom Friends to the extreme, we both spend just slightly more time than is probably healthy looking after the knuckleheads we surround ourselves with, we both have issues with intimacy, and we both have red hair. It’s for that reason that I chose her to be my avatar for this blog.

“Wait, back it up,” I hear you say. “Intimacy issues?”

Oh yeah, Sora has HELLA intimacy issues. the episode from which the above screenshot comes, Episode 4, introduces this aspect of her character and it has carried on thusly throughout her entire arc. 

You may recall that in this episode, Piyomon starts behaving like an overly-affectionate puppy, to the point of making Sora deeply uncomfortable, prompting her to lash out, ever so slightly, to get Piyomon to knock it off. Later, she comes to doubt whether or not she’d ever be able to feel the same sort of affection to Piyomon in return. She wants to, I think. She wants very much to be the kind of person worthy of Piyomon’s unconditional love and the kind of person able to reciprocate that kind of love.

But it’s hard for her. I suspect, in no small part, because of her parents. Her father is constantly away doing research or teaching abroad, and her mother seems unduly preoccupied with upholding the good name of the family business, which Sora is expected to inherit. Without any siblings to speak of to boot, this leaves Sora with a somewhat stunted experience regarding familial love, that sort of love that’s ostensibly supposed to be the first love any child ever knows. She’s gone her whole life not feeling as if she knows that sort of love, and then suddenly Piyomon hits the scene with that kind of love in abundance, and Sora has no idea what to do with it all.

But even if she isn’t consciously aware of it, love informs and permeates all of Sora’s interactions with the team. She’s intuitive, humble, and attentive to the physical and emotional needs of the group, without calling any attention to it (see again: humble). But nevertheless this interaction with Piyomon sticks like a thorn in her mind, and the insecurities borne of it are what allow Picodevimon to get inside her mind. Even so, those Mom Friend instincts are impossible to ignore, prompting her to continue looking after everyone from the shadows.

All of this culminates, of course, in her realization that she’s actually had unconditional affection from her mother the whole time, even if she might not have been the most adept at expressing it, and Sora’s crest glows at the revelation.

Tell that to Episode 4 You, Sora. And be proud of how far you’ve come since then.

Sora’s intimacy issues, I suspect, are what draws her to Yamato in 02. Yamato, as I’ve discussed before, also struggles with the barriers he puts between himself and the non-Takeru people in his life. And as many people can attest, folks with intimacy issues tend to be drawn to each other. Sadly, their relationship is thoroughly doomed, on account of both of their latent repressed and EXTREME homosexuality, but for the time being they’ll be each other’s beards.

And that’s Sora. She doesn’t get to do much in 02, which is a real shame, because if there’s one thing Digimon always needs, it’s more female representation. Nonetheless, I love this character and feel as though my avatar is well-chosen.

[catty-words]

DVD commentary on the post-patrolling scene (starting with 'They take Dawn patrolling five times...') in Holding up this Fortress?

it’s been nearly four years since i wrote the fic. holy smokes.

“Shouldn’t I be following them?” Tara hears Buffybot ask.

“No,” Willow answers shortly, her voice tense.

“Dawn is my sister. It is my job to care for her,” Buffybot continues, unfazed. Dawn’s broken sobs intensify.

this fic as a whole is about how tara, dawn, and willow choose to deal with buffy’s death. tara by doubling down on being caretaker. dawn by trying to get a grip on her trauma though cultivating a practical way to protect herself. willow by doubling down on dawn doing magic because the thought of another mystically-enhanced soldier in their fight against evil takes even just a little bit of pressure off of her.

and when things backfire for dawn and willow, buffybot is here to pour salt in the wound.

As soon as they’re in the bathroom, Tara gets to work gingerly stripping off Dawn’s ruined tank top and jeans. The burn wounds are worst on Dawn’s stomach and arms but start to fade into overly-flushed skin at her collarbone and shoulders. Tara tries not to wince at the shiny, violently-red flesh. “I’m going to need you to stand in the cold water for a few minutes. Can you do that for me, sweetie?”

Dawn moans and sniffles incoherently, stepping out of her pants.

“It’ll help with the pain,” she adds.

Dawn nods then and wobbles toward the tub. Tara helps her over the lip before turning on the water and letting it pool around Dawn’s feet. “Does that feel like an okay temperature?”

Again, Dawn nods.

this is more or less gratuitous dawn and tara because i love their dynamic. how dawn responds so eagerly to being mothered, how tara feels most productive mothering. they have a symbiotic relationship.

Willow is already waiting in Dawn’s room, gripping a bowl of salve tightly and staring out the window with her eyebrows drawn.

“Can you bring that here, Wil?”

Willow doesn’t move a muscle.

“Wil?” Tara tries again before getting up and squeezing her shoulder. “You okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, everything is A-OK. Present, alert, and accounted for!”

here we see willow struggling, dealing with a mix of guilt about where her pushing landed dawn vs her panic that she can’t keep their defenses up the way they’re going. she needs something more than what the scoobies have at their disposal…perhaps a resurrected slayer. 

Willow is awake and situated on the edge of Dawn’s bed, running her fingers through the girl’s hair.

this moment is here to really drive willow’s conflict home to the reader. again, she’s definitely trying to capitalize on dawn wanting to learn magic in a way that isn’t necessarily super healthy for dawn. but – as we see in her buffy-like gesture – she truly does love dawn, too.

Tara can hear her guilt like it’s a tornado siren: loud and rattling and unable to be ignored.

i’m a fan of empath tara and peppering that into her characterization

“This was one of the conditions. I said I’d stop if I lit something expensive on fire.”

“Dawnie,” Willow’s voice cracks. “You’re not expensive, you’re invaluable.”

“Well that makes it even worse, doesn’t it?” Dawn moans, sniffling.

an attempt at gallows humor was made! the scoobs are a little too stressed to go along with it as per usual, though.

“Let’s agree to pace ourselves from here on,” Tara says pragmatically, reaching behind Dawn to smooth her hand over Willow’s hair. “Learn from this experience moving forward. Dawn should heal in a few weeks, and we’ll postpone lessons until then.”

“Okay,” Dawn says, though she sounds a bit stung.

“Pace ourselves,” Willow repeats, staring into Dawn’s comforter without seeing anything.

i like dawn as sort of a happy-medium between tara and willow’s styles. eager to learn more and more, like willow, but also preoccupied to doing things well, which means adopting tara’s methods.

but of course, pacing themselves is the opposite of what willow has in mind at the moment.

[fandomsimaginationstation]

I Don’t Put the L in Lame - Daddy!L x Mommy!Reader

Light Yagami ruined my life, so here’s a bit of dad!L since he never got the chance to be one. ;; I guess this in my opinion what I wish could’ve happened.

C/N = Child Name

C/N/2 = Child Name 2

C/N/3 = Child Name 3

The eldest of the three stirred his macaroni, nudging it gently as he groaned softly. More grunts and groans began to escape him as the other two giggled at the odd sight. His two siblings were given a sharp glare before he let out another grunt of agony, and Y/N finally looked up to see what the commotion was about.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” Y/N asked her child, as she got up from the dinner table, quickly grabbing the plates that have been cleared off by hungry kiddos. She brushes a strand of hair behind her ear as she makes her rounds, before clearing her throat once she hears C/N murmur quietly a measly, “Yeah.”

A bit confused by the situation, she sets the dishes in the sink and yawns. She has to ensure that the children are bathed and put to bed by nine, as L had promised that he’d take them to the park tomorrow to do something fun. The only one who hadn’t seemed excited about it was C/N. Y/N believed she knew why, as it was kind of difficult to have L at home so little to help her raise the kids, but it was understandable. When C/N was little, he thought of his father as a superhero, but now a days it seemed that he considered him “uncool.”

Y/N worried for the effects it was having on him, but was there to support him. L hadn’t realized it yet as he was usually oblivious to feelings of his own family. Despite L not being there as much as you’d like, he always seemed to make time for his children, which only deepened your love for him. It seemed however, C/N didn’t realize that.

“Listen, C/N…” You started in, but were quickly interrupted by C/N/2 as the little girl tugged at your apron.

“Mommyyyyyy,” the child groaned, tugging more and more as you patted her head.

“What is it, C/N/2?” You gently rang your fingers through the little one’s locks, as C/N/3 set off to the bathroom to start the bath water “like a big boy”, which you were sure you needed to check to ensure it wasn’t too hot for him in a brief moment.

More pulling and leaning on your leg, from C/N/2, and C/N continued to give out those awful noises. He wanted your attention, and that was the difficult life of a parent. To have all sorts of children always needing attention from you all at once. “When’s daddy gonna be home?”

“Soon, honey, he’s just running a little beh-”

“You always say that! Ugh, mom, he’s so boring. All he does is sit at his office all day and comes home and does even more boring things with us. My friend’s dad is so much cooler, he’s a police officer and catches criminals all day!” Sneered C/N, his frustration finally reaching a breaking point. “Dad puts the L in lame.”

The slouching figure made an appearance in the doorway, dark hair cast over his eyes as his fingers were doven deep in his pockets, as C/N/2 shrieked and rushed over to him.

“Daddy!”

L quickly scooped the approaching girl, holding her in a weird fashion as the little girl giggled wildly, gently poking his nose. L’s eyes narrowed as he looked to his son, quipping, “I don’t put the L in Lame.”

Before anything else was said, C/N got up and rushed off, slamming the door to his bedroom door but as you were going to go discuss with him the meaning of his words, C/N/3 shouted from the bathroom to hurry up and help him with his bath. You let out a sigh, as you glanced at your gorgeous spouse briefly, giving him that of a pitiful smile as he toyed with your baby girl’s curls. She was awfully cute, and you knew most definitely she was a daddy’s girl. After all, most of your kids had always loved L deeply, as much as you did. C/N did too, but at this point in time you were sure he was just rebelling.

You rushed off to go help the little C/N/3, a bit preoccupied but hoped to help C/N later.

~ The Next Day ~

C/N burst in through the door, rushing to greet his dad as he shrieked, “I have the coolest dad in the world!”

You smiled cheekily, a bit confused at what he meant by that, but wholeheartedly agreed. How had his opinion changed so quickly?

“Why do you say that?” L beat you to asking the question, as he thumbed his ice cream sundae, licking off the excess from his fingertips, barely lifting his eyes to make eye contact with his son who was the spinning image of the pale man.

C/N pulled at the chair, before turning to you and softly asking, “Mom, can I have a sundae too?”

“..Sure, just this once though, you don’t need to end up like your father, it’s really not healthy.”

You lectured in your motherly way, preparing the bowl of ice cream as C/N began to tell his tale, “I was in history class and we got to learn about something that happened years ago. There was this man who killed criminals through a series of heart attacks without realizing he was now a criminal too. Then this man named L defeated that man. That man was Kira, and you are L! Is it true, dad, is it? That means you’re the best detective in the world! Please say it’s true!”

A bit stunned sat L, his licking of the sweet treat came to a halt as he leaned in overly close to his son, before quietly saying.

“I’m going to tell you something that I was waiting to tell you later, but you’ve grown up so quickly. But it is true. I’m L. You must never reveal that information for your own safety, for mine, your siblings, and your beautiful mother’s. If you keep it a secret, you can have this strawberry.”

He plopped the strawberry in his son’s hand, and you began to laugh a bit as you smiled.

Light Yagami may have had the intentions of making the world a better place by ridding the world of criminals and your precious husband L, but you believed that the world was already a better place in this moment. To watch the happiness on your son’s face and the way L loved him. This was a better place with no punishment necessary.

[jaidandumphy91]

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[newssplashy]

Relationship: 10 Signs your girlfriend is cheating on you

10 Signs your girlfriend is cheating on you

Remember when you were young and you thought love was this invincible, bulletproof force that was immune to outside influence, impervious to evil and capable of overcoming all obstacles? And, then you found out your girlfriend was sleeping with your best friend since a week after you met, and that bubble was ruptured, never to be restored again.

Sorry. Maybe we got a little personal on that one. Maybe, you’re one of the lucky few who remains a fool for love, and the wool has yet to wear away before your eyes. We hate to single-handedly destroy your remaining naivete, but women do cheat. Thankfully, more often than not, these kind of things don’t often happen without some sort of warning. Or in some cases, many.

Here are intimations of infidelity that should tentatively raise flags: 10 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You.

She pays more attention to her phone than you

If you inevitably spend every dinner glaring at her as she pivots between various social networks and replies to every text message that springs up, don’t be too quick to write her behavior off as a sign of the times.

Sure, we’re all guilty of being so overly engrossed in our digital lives that we neglect the present moment. But if she makes a continual habit of talking to her Twitter followers more than you during dinner dates, it may point to her lack of investment in the relationship, not just her fleeting attention span. We don’t want to say she might be spending your night together making plans with someone else, but stranger things have happened.

Her social calendar is suddenly bursting at the seams

Saturdays used to be your day. Nothing was said, no plans were made; it was just assumed that you’d be spending time together. But lately, it seems something more important to her comes up each week. Your weekly dates are no longer set in stone, and everything and everyone else takes precedent.

If you see your quality time slowly dwindling away, it absolutely points to her waning interest in the relationship, and it could mean she has transferred her affections elsewhere, or is at least entertaining the thought.

Independence is healthy, but a new-found focus on partying with her friends could mean she’s putting herself out there again and is seriously considering pulling the plug on your love.

She accumulating new clothes at higher rates than usual

If your girl goes into makeover mode and tears through the mall like Sonic the Hedgehog on a mission, you should take notice. Most women have an affinity for retail, but if her shopping takes on a rabid focus seemingly out of nowhere, you should ask yourself why she has become invested in reinventing herself.

Again, it’s about a departure from the norm. If your girl normally puts on a full face of make-up to run errands, don’t think twice about her putting on mascara to go to the dry-cleaners. But if she’s a sweats-and-Chapstick type of chick, and she suddenly starts taking an hour to get ready to go out (particularly, without you), you have a reason to worry.

She’s overly concerned with your whereabouts

Remember when you first met and every day was peppered with a constant exchange of flirty, borderline-salacious text messages? It’s normal for your text game to fall off from that initial honeymoon phase, but if she takes hours to respond without explanation, and can’t muster up an ounce of enthusiasm when she does, it’s not a good look for your relationship.

There’s a real possibility she’s under stress at work, or just in an emotional rut. But if you’re able to rule that out (which you can do with a few simple questions) and you notice she rarely takes the initiative to text—and if she does, it’s to ask where you are—she might be tracking your whereabouts for less than innocent reasons. We hate to be the ones to say it, but she’s not suddenly interested in the minutiae of your day—she’s covering her ass.

She isn’t making plans for the future

If you look in your iPhone’s calendar, are the upcoming months looking unusually devoid of commitments? None of her 200 cousins has a wedding planned, you’ve yet to confirm any plans for your accrued vacation days, and hell, you haven’t even heard about one of those double dates with her best friend she usually forces you to pencil in each month.

It’s possible she’s overwhelmed at work or otherwise preoccupied; it’s also possible she’s plotting an escape and is hesitant to extend any invitations knowing she’ll eventually have to rescind them. Or, even worse, she’s too invested in someone new to realize she’s been neglecting your shared social schedule.

She’s less interested in sex

Every couple has sex routines. Maybe three times a week is your norm; maybe you get it in every night. But if your norm inexplicably changes, and you find you’re battling a new excuse every night, you may want to investigate what lies at the root of the issue. Is she really too tired (every damn night)? Has your sex life just gotten that boring? Or, is she simply disinterested in humping you…because she’s getting it elsewhere?

We’re not saying you should draw wild conclusions from a single “not tonight,” but be aware of what normal looks like so you know when your sex schedule diverges from it, and take the time to discuss what the real issue is.

She flirts with other people in front of you

This points to larger issues of being attention-starved, having an insatiable ego, and otherwise being insecure. But more notably, if she’s comfortable batting her eyes at other people in front of you, what is she doing when you’re not there?

Unhappy fighting couple cheat

If your previously secure girlfriend suddenly goes into paranoia mode, you should take notice. If she snaps at you over seemingly innocent actions (basically, anything on this list, but in small, completely commonplace increments), she might be trying to throw you off her scent. By focusing your attention to your perceived failings, you’ll be less apt to interrogate her about her actual foul play, which is just the way she’d like it.

She makes a point to say she’s unhappy

It’s easy to misinterpret any of the aforementioned signals as infidelity when in actuality, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. But, if you start noticing that the signs are slowly piling up, and she’s recently admitted she’s no longer happy in the relationship, you might be on the verge of a full-fledged confession.

Guilt is a tricky emotion, and she might feel that by fessing up to her flailing satisfaction in the relationship, she is offering you (and herself) an explanation for her selfish actions. Or, she could be gearing up to act on a long-held impulse, and making her excuses in advances so she can later utter, “I told you so,” with aplomb.

She falls off the radar for large gaps of time

So, she disappeared for five hours for the third time in a week and blamed it on falling asleep, and you actually believed her? That’s cute. We guess what they say is true—love is actually blind.

We hate to be the ones to pry those stubborn eyelids open, but if your girl goes M.I.A. for days at a time, you need to stop making excuses and start getting answers.

 –

 Source: The Trent

source https://www.newssplashy.com/2018/07/relationship-10-signs-your-girlfriend.html

[russellthornton]

Insecure Attachment: The Different Types and How They Affect You

People come to relationships with different attachment styles. A mixture of your past and childhood, some, like insecure attachment, are not healthy.

Human beings are wired to need other human beings. We all have the drive to want to attach to those around us. That does not always mean that we do so appropriately. The way we attach to other people becomes a mixture of our childhood experiences and past hurts or successes. Sometimes those things form a secure attachment style. Other times, they form an insecure attachment style.

An insecure attachment style is not only hard for the person who has it, but for anyone who tries to get close. They crave nothing more than being loved. But they self-sabotage and work as hard against themselves as possible. That ends in a self-fulfilling prophecy continuing throughout their adult relationships.

Often hard finding peace, those with an insecure attachment style, avoid the very thing they want most of all, connection. Unlike the secure attachment, there are three different types of insecure attachment styles. They all lead down the same path to relationship destruction if not recognized and sorted through. [Read: The 15 phases of a healthy relationship]

The three types of insecure attachment

The secure attachment style is someone who tends to find more satisfaction in the relationships in their life. Starting in childhood, children who develop a secure attachment style learn they can venture out into the world. They always have the security and unconditional love of their parents to return to if they need reassurance.

Securely attached people care greatly when their partner feels distress, and they seek to provide help and support to share the burdens in a relationship. They are independent and have their own sense of identity, but they also have a loving attachment with the partner in their life. [Read: 15 ways to tell if your love is real or unhealthy]

#1 The Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style. One type of insecure attachment is the anxious preoccupied attachment style. It is when people want to form something called a “fantasy bond” or an unrealistic bond, that gives them a false sense that they are unconditionally safe. Not trusting their partner, they often experience emotional hunger that drives them to always need more from their partner than anyone can supply.

They are the damsels in distress always looking to be saved or to find that one person to “complete” them. They tend to cling too hard, which has the reverse effect on those they are in relationships with. Their neediness usually pushes the very people they try to hold fast to, away.

Their anxious behaviors of push and pull tend to lead to a cycle that only further perpetuates their feelings of instability in a relationship regardless of the reality of that relationship. They become way too demanding and clingy and are often only possessive.

The anxious preoccupied attachment style is constantly looking for confirmation that their suspicions that someone doesn’t love them and will leave, are real. Looking for clues where there often aren’t any, they see their relationship from a different perspective and tend to create a whole lot of conflict continually with others. [Read: Critical signs of an unhealthy relationship you MUST get out of]

#2 The Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style. Although we all have a need to be attached to other people, the dismissive avoidant attachment style acts as though they need no one. Instead, they put emotional distance between themselves and their partner intentionally.

They are only “pseudo-independent.” They often take on the controlling role of a parent in the relationship. Highly focused on themselves, their own basic needs come first at all costs, and they tend not form caring bonds with others.

The pseudo-independence, however, is only an illusion constructed because every human has a basic need to be attached to one another. But, the dismissive avoidant attachment style tends to lean more inward. Denying their need to be loved or to love any else.

They use defense mechanisms to protect themselves from the psychological feeling of being connected to another, often shutting down and shutting their partner out. Instead of reaching out when their partner is in need. They turn their emotions completely off and not react at all and say things like “I don’t care” if someone tells them they are hurt or need them. [Read: 12 ways to bring you back to life]

#3 The Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style. This individual lives in a constant flux state. Both afraid to be too distant and too close to someone at the same time. They work tirelessly to keep their emotions in check but are unable to.

When they can no longer shut their emotions off, they explode emotionally. They have unpredictable moods and send mixed signals. They believe that you should reach out to others to have your needs met. When they get too close to someone, they are fearful of being hurt. Then they push the other person away. [Read: The hardships of being afraid of love]

The fearful avoidant attachment style has no “plan of action” for getting their emotional needs met. In fact, they are in a constant state of anxiety, pulling and pushing other people away.

People with a fearful avoidant attachment style tend to have tumultuous relationships that are overly dramatic and with extreme highs and lows. So afraid of being abandoned, their struggle is automatic and subconscious. When they feel potential rejection, they cling to their partner harder. Then they feel smothered and push the other person away.

The way that you form an attachment to other people has a significant impact not just on how your relationship starts, develops, but, in some instances, why it ends. If you can’t seem to be in a stable relationship, examine what type of attachment style you have. See if there is a glitch in the way you seek to get your emotional needs met.

The good news is that your attachment style will change if you put the effort towards figuring out what you want. Learn how to effectively get your needs met instead of being on attachment autopilot.

[Read: 10 signs you need help for your love addiction]

Form a secure attachment if you can recognize where you are now and where you want to be in a stable and healthy relationship. Finally, let go of insecure attachment for good.

The post Insecure Attachment: The Different Types and How They Affect You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Should You Take that Job? 5 Signs Your Gut Says ‘No’

Most of the choices we make every day are simple and straight-forward: what to wear to work, what to eat for lunch, whether to go to sleep at a reasonable hour or stay up watching Netflix. They don’t cause much stress or inner conflict.

Career transition points, on the other hand, can leave you feeling significantly more stuck — especially when you’re facing a big, life-changing decisions.

Should you take that promotion? Move to a different city? Transition to a new industry? Launch a business or take your side hustle full-time?

Decision-making is tough, particularly when there may not be one “right” answer. Despite your best efforts, it’s not always clear what to do next. How do you know whether you’re heading in the right direction, or about to make a bad career move you’ll regret?

Here are five tell-tale signs you’re about to make a career misstep — and how to get back on track to finding work you love.

1. You have a sense of foreboding.

Just about everyone has experienced a feeling that something is “off” or a sense of dread they can’t shake. Does that sensation creep up when you think about the new opportunity?

Maybe you didn’t feel much of a connection with the new team you’d potentially be working with when you met them. Or perhaps you’re starting to worry about relocation costs and not as willing to take a pay cut as you first thought.

Although most of us come equipped with a sense of intuition when something doesn’t feel right, we also have plenty of ways to rationalize these feelings away and ultimately discount them. You certainly don’t want to turn down a great offer or miss out on a solid opportunity because you’re feeling nervous. A big career move is bound to cause some butterflies.

But an ongoing feeling of discomfort could be a sign you’re not ready, or that this career move isn’t the best option for you. Try out the 10/10/10 test to slow down your thinking and separate fact from fiction in your mind: will this concern matter 10 weeks from now? 10 months from now? 10 years? Your answers can help you put things in perspective.

For instance, if you’re incompatible with your colleagues, that could absolutely matter 10 months or even 10 years down the line. Getting used to a longer commute, however, might be something you could become accustomed to in 10 weeks or less.

2. You’re feeling desperate.

Feelings of desperation may take root when you’re deeply unhappy with your current position, or when you and your family are in a difficult financial situation. You might have an anxious feeling of simply wanting to get the decision over with.

When you feel panicky, it’s tough to maintain perspective, so consult someone who doesn’t share your emotional attachment to the situation. This may include a trusted friend, mentor or coach who can help you sort through options in an objective way. You may be amazed at how much easier it is to calm down and think rationally after getting out of your own head.

3. Your motivations aren’t healthy.

Be honest with yourself: are you considering this opportunity to spite someone else — to make your old co-workers jealous maybe? Taking a new job to sidestep criticism from family and friends or hiding the decision altogether are also bad signs you’re making an escape-based choice that you could regret in the future.

If you find yourself venting to anyone who will listen ranging from your mom to a stranger on the bus or indiscriminately seeking advice, you’re likely being driven by fear. This type of “polling” behavior is done in an attempt to feel better. You seek external validation that you’re doing the right thing. But you essentially outsource your decision-making to other people when you ask everyone for advice instead of becoming self-reliant. It’s important to learn to trust yourself.

4. You have to talk yourself into it.

You may find the pep talks you give yourself turning into last-resort trumpet songs. Your self-talk may include some version of the phrase, “Well, at least I…”

“Well, at least I have a job…”

“Well, at least I’ll be making more money…”

“Well, at least it will technically be a promotion…”

“Well, at least I won’t look stupid for passing off this opportunity…”

This type of anxious internal dialogue, called intellectualization, is a common response to anxiety. Because strong emotions can be uncomfortable, we overly focus on facts and logic.

While being rational and using reason can of course be a great thing, it can also signal denial. Deep down, you know your possible career choice might be a bad idea. This isn’t a productive frame of mind for making decisions about a career move because you’re talking yourself into something you don’t truly believe is right for you.

5. You’re restless.

The complicated nature of a significant career decision might make you feel completely preoccupied or keep you up at night tossing and turning. Any career transition can send you for a loop, but you should be able to see promise in what you’ll be able to learn through the process. Whether it’s taking on a promotion or starting a company, you might feel far outside your comfort zone, but you’ll also feel excited about everything you’ll learn.

With big decisions comes uncertainty. Learning to balance your head and heart is an ongoing process. Take the false pressure off of yourself to know all the right answers, right now. No matter what you choose, move forward with confidence, knowing that your career is always evolving.

The next positive change might be right around the corner.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/09/19/should-you-take-that-job-5-signs-your-gut-says-no/