#but at this point I gotta take what I can get

[pikahlua]

Oh? Please, Madam

What Izuku rejects is the opportunity to be Katsuki's SIDEKICK. He doesn't reject being a hero or competing with Katsuki. He rejects working FOR/UNDER Katsuki. Which is hilarious because Katsuki accepts (apparently multiple times) showing up as a guest lecturer to help out Izuku's class. Katsuki tells Izuku that "If everyone is special, no one is special," which has the potential for SO MUCH DOUBLE MEANING. But what there is no ambiguity about to me is he's basically telling Izuku "Hey, notice this. I'm treating you special. You're special to me. NOTICE."

It's also implied that Izuku sees Katsuki more regularly than he sees most others from their class, which is emphasized by the previous chapter when Aizawa complains to him about Katsuki's behavior in public affecting his ranking. Katsuki basically tells Izuku he needs to start thinking about himself more, and he also ends their final interaction with a "See ya [later]." Katsuki is NOT talking about Ochako, but Izuku takes some of his advice as the impetus for going to talk to Ochako (specifically they just wanna talk more after the dinner since the dinner is now over and they didn't get to talk). So what was Katsuki thinking of? I personally read his "See ya later" as "You'll figure it out, just go handle what you gotta right now and you can catch up to me later."

Hilariously, Izuku calls Katsuki out for being the one to say "If you don't start thinking a little more highly of yourself, you won't notice the things you should." Izuku's response is basically, "Look who's talking." Again, the potential for double meaning here is painfully obvious. He could be referring to SO MANY THINGS and we're meant to infer what that is. WE GET TO GUESS. Izuku could be saying "You did stuff just as bad as what you're saying," or "You're STILL not noticing something, Kacchan."

And Izuku taking inspiration from Katsuki's words to go talk to Ochako is meaningful in another way--IT MEANS IZUKU LISTENED TO HIM. Katsuki is having an influence on Izuku in a way to improve who he is just like Izuku did for him in high school. Izuku takes Katsuki's advice seriously. NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN HIM TO UNDERSTAND THIS LESSON BEFORE NOW. It ends with Izuku and Ochako deciding to talk more, but what it shows us is the beginning of Izuku considering himself more. If Izuku follows Katsuki's advice long enough, he'll end up back in the competition with Katsuki just like Katsuki expects him to. That is just as easy of a conclusion to make from the theme of "inevitability" that Shouto gives us (and that Izuku also takes to heart).

This ending implies that inevitably Izuku's gonna catch up again, basically. Things will continue to change. So yeah, we get a beginning where he and Ochako meet up to talk, but it's just a beginning. It's one night of chatting. They're seeing if something's there now (which kind of implies that there wasn't much there before), but it's left open-ended. And I think it's left open-ended what happens with Ochako on purpose because anyone can read how that ends up however they like. You just have to decide as a reader what's "inevitable" for Izuku Midoriya from this point on. Me? I've decided Izuku is taking Katsuki's advice to treat people who mean more to him better. Ochako is just the beginning. Izuku has other people in his life he needs to show love to as well (because that's what this is, Izuku is learning to show people that they're important to him, that he loves them, because saving people doesn't do that--he saves EVERYONE). And then maybe he'll start to see how the people who love him treat him special too, like guest SPECIAL (same kanji) LECTURER KATSUKI BAKUGOU.

tl;dr there is a lot left open to interpretation and it's probably on purpose, read the chapter however you like, just like we did with the last chapter.

...and my interpretation which is the correct one is that Katsuki tells Izuku, "Here let me show you how to love people, damnit!" to give him the character development everyone has been begging for him to have for years, to realize that saving people doesn't mean they're special to him if he's known for saving everyone ever, so like, maybe go show them you care in OTHER ways, Izuku, and also I'll be waiting right here for you to come show you love me you jackass (and he does, he does come show him that)

[dear-ao3]

welcome back to the final slam dunk of f1 2024: the last triple header. vegas. qatar. abu dhabi. we have two world championships still up for grabs, as well as the eternal question of the red bull second seat and the last remaining vcarb seat. we’ve seen a lot this season already, but can it still get crazier?

this is a good question to keep in mind as we enter las vegas. round 22. can max verstappen secure his 4th world title here or will mclaren finally get their shit together? can ferrari snatch the constructors title away from mclaren? will williams have two cars that work? will lewis hamilton finish out his last three races at mercedes? or is everyone going to be sleep deprived and cold and forced to be second hand high at a track that smells aggressively like *checks notes* weed? 

fortunately, we’re about to find out. today is december 1, 2024 and strap yourselves in everyone as we enter the las vegas strip. because i can assure you that in this case, what happens in vegas will not stay in vegas. 

but before we can ge to vegas, we gotta get through the off week. or weeks. which were really, quite packed with a whole lot of shenanigans. 

like the brand spanking new gpda instagram. 

for those of you who need a refresher, the gpda is the grand prix drivers association, aka the f1 drivers union. george russell is the current director and all current drivers are members of the union (though you do not have to be a member to be an f1 driver)

why do a bunch of millionaires need a union? to negotiate safety terms and regulations because all of the regulations are decided by people who are Not Them and they raise issues to the fia and the higher ups regarding things theyre concerned about or things that they think need revamping. you know, because there is a pretty decent risk of death and/or serious injury in this sport that makes it slightly different than some other sports. 

in any case, they made a brand new instagram account. and followed all of the current drivers plus kimi antonelli, ollie bearman, sebastian vettel, and their two lawyers. apparently george does not follow the instagram. which some people thought meant that there was a coup happening in the gpda. but no, its probably because the account is linked through george’s own account and you cant follow your account. in any case they released this statement 

and look, yes it was definitely put through a legal writing team, but there is a high chance that george wrote the starts of it himself. 

this also convinced several people online that george was not a tory. id like to take this moment to point out that while we do not for sure know george’s political views, we can infer that he is likely not a tory because 1. his family are quite literally farmers 2. he wore a poppy pin in the paddock in brazil which is something that specifically really pisses off right wing brits (aparently) and 3. quite literally also runs the gpda, which is a union. and i personally don't know a whole lot about british politics so sorry if im butchering this here but i don't think that the tories are particularly pro union. 

also, george has been putting in the work with the gpda for years. in saudi arabia 2022 specifically, sebastian (who was the other gpda director at the time) was sick so george was the only director present and attended meetings with the fia and f1 and the drivers to assure their safety cause there was a non zero chance that the track could be a target for a missile. the meetings went incredibly late but he still made sure everyone was heard and then also presented all of that to the fia. hes also advocated for the cars to be raised to combat porpoising, questioned the flag and safety car process, and generally rightfully and respectfully has questioned f1 and the fia’s decision making. so this is really not his first rodeo and it likely wont be his last.

in any case, the gpda dropped their statement. and the racing world waited for a response. though it didn't seem like anything would come of it any time soon.

why? well as some of you may in fact know, the united states had a rather…..tumultuous election in the time between thee brazilian grand prix and the las vegas grand prix. in case you are somehow unaware, our previous president, the one that was between obama and biden, got reelected. if you do not know who was president between obama and biden i urge you to google it for yourself, i will not be getting political of that nature on this post. as you might remember, formula 1 has a Don't Get Political policy (which we know was stemmed from some stupid, definitely racist/homophobic means and plenty of the drivers don't really agree with it) which means that drivers are not allowed to make overly political statements or comments without expressed permission. so. it was rather interesting to see both danica patrick (the commentator who thinks that women should not be in motorsport despite herself being a woman who was in motorsport, and jenson button’s arch nemesis) and mohammed ben suliyam (the fia president) both expressing their excitement in the results of the united states presidential election. surely, these people should be held to the same standards as the drivers are as they are also heavily involved in the sport and also, to an extent, in the public facing side of f1? these two events right next to eachother really exemplified the awful duality of this sport.

but in the meantime, stake announced that zhou and valtteri would not be getting re signed with the team for 2025. which was something that we already kinda knew, but now was known for certain. 

and stake, unlike some other teams this year, announced it very respectfully in a way that honored both of the drivers and the time that they had been with the team. 

and ruth buscombe, the ex strategist at alpha romeo (which was stake’s previous name) posted this lovely comment about her time working with the two of them while she was with the team:  

“I was once told that drivers are like light bulbs you screw them in and out of a car and they aren't really part of the team so don't get attached. Over a decade later I can categorically say they couldn't have been more wrong. All of us, especially Strategists have our day to day lives, our careers and ultimately fate entwined with the two humans driving our cars. They trust us, they protect us, we trust them, we protect them: we are a team and they become more than colleagues, they become our friends. It was an honour and a privilege to call strategy for @valtteribottas and @zhouguanyu24 at Alfa. Thank you for every undercut, every overcut, every stay out, every box, every mistake you forgave, every team order you followed without questioning, every second of race time you cost Aston in that final race, every point you earned (or took away with a fastest lap or that count back position in Imola that ultimately counted for that P6). This is the end of an era but I know it's not the end of either of your tours. We never give up. As VB said in our first ever race briefing (and we were all shocked including VB at how profound it came out) Do not set a limit on what you can achieve."

so what are the two of them doing next year? well no one is quite sure. theres rumors circulating that zhou is going to sign with ferrari as a reserve driver and theres even heavier rumors circulating that valtteri has signed with mercedes as a reserve driver. though, im not sure how true those rumors are because i could not find that mercedes themselves have said anything about it. 

valtteri also has a seemingly never ending series going on his instagram entitled “what’s next?” and its a bunch of videos of him being asked what's next and then doing different things. he ended up releasing merch that says “what’s next” on it and a portion of the proceeds are going to a charity that helps people dealing with sudden job loss. which is definitely his own humor peeking though at his lack of contract for next year

in any case, with the two of them gone, did that mean stake finally announced their other driver?

yes they did. silly season isnt over yet folks. 

his name is gabriel bortoleto, hes a brazilian f2 driver and hes currently leading the f2 championship. so why haven’t you heard about him before?

well, there were a lot of people up for the stake seat. like everyone and also their mother and even their mother’s mother. 

so who is he? 

well. he’s managed by fernando alsono’s management company, is about to win f2 in his rookie year and also won f3 in his rookie year, he looks up to senna and max for their aggression as drivers. he was also a mclaren academy driver, but mclaren released him (meaning that they would not be trying to keep him as a driver or a reserve driver so that he could get a proper seat) . hes definitely not a nobody. and as to why stake signed him over franco, like many people were wondering, i have no idea. driver contracts are sticky and tricky. its possible that this has been being negotiated for awhile, or maybe williams didn't want to release franco from their program.

is that the end of the silly season rumors tho? 

oh buddy, you really thought. 

so as i mentioned, franco colapinto. as we know, he was just here for the back end of this season because williams already had previously confirmed their line up for next year prior to his arrival and that line up is, as we know, one alexander albon and one carlos sainz. 

and as we also know, james vowels has said that franco deserves a seat next year, at any team, doesnt care if franco is technically competing against him, which makes it sound like williams are willing to release franco from their driver development program. problem is, there is exactly one seat left (officially) and it is at vcarb. and red bull are their own completely separate basket case. 

and if you've really been paying attention you would know that red bull are currently involved in the eternal debate of Do We Keep Checo For Next Year. technically he does have a contract. but technically we all also know that this means nothing (as especially evidenced by yuki who said earlier this year that he didn't really even bother to read his new contract because he knows it kinda means nothing). 

so as a refresher. max has a contract at red bull through 2028. though he has hinted very unsubtly that hes going to see how the regulation changes go in 2026 and if he hates them he might dip. checo technically has a contract at red bull for 2025 (unsure if it extends beyond that), yuki has a contract at racing bulls for 2025 (again, unsure if it extends beyond that, and also i am on a train and google is not really working too well). liam lawson has a contract at racing bulls through the end of 2024 because he replaced daniel ricciardo. 

(also, quick interludular tangent on daniel, apparently it came out that he himself was the one who wanted to leave after singapore this year and also asked for the team not to announce anything until after the weekend had ended. this was because he had technically already had a big send off in abu dhabi at the end of 2022 at mclaren when he was sort of retiring and apparently didn't really see the point in doing the whole thing again and wanted to leave on his own terms: 

“Red Bull CEO Peter Bayer revealed Daniel Ricciardo requested his F1 exit not be disclosed during the Singapore Grand Prix, even after his Q1 elimination. Ricciardo, initially considered to replace Sergio Perez at Red Bull post-summer, formally exited after the Singapore race, with the news announced the following Friday despite being widely speculated. Bayer told Auto Motor und Sport, ‘We had agreed with Daniel that we would not communicate it. We knew we'd seem outdated as a team, but it was his wish. He believed he'd perform in qualifying and prove himself. I've never seen such mental strength in an athlete.’ Ricciardo's weekend unraveled with a Q1 exit at Marina Bay, which Bayer described as a ‘terrible moment.’ ‘You could hear on the radio his world had collapsed,’ Bayer said. ‘At 2 a.m. Saturday, we asked what to do next. He told us to let him race—he didn't want any nonsense.’ Bayer emphasized the team's support, saying, ‘If Daniel had stayed until Abu Dhabi, we'd have celebrated his farewell with fireworks and a grid photo, like [Kimi] Räikkönen. That's what everyone wanted.’”)

anyway, the running theory is that checo is not going to continue at red bull after this year, and is going to get replaced by Someone. who? well no one really knows. could be liam lawson. it doesnt seem like it would be yuki (even though by all accounts he is killing it this season) but now theres a new theory that it might be franco. 

remember that franco himself came out and said that he does not have a contract for next year at the end of the mexican gp. apparently though his team Has been talking to people and horner Has been seen in the williams hospitality (under the guise of trying the coffee from their new sponsor, lost the link for that particular anecdote youll just have to Trust Me). 

and Someone, and i really don't remember who it was, even posed recently that red bull should approach williams and say “hey, you happy with franco? if you want to keep him you should, give me sainz”

but, like everything else, this is all speculation. and we will likely not know anything until After the season has already finished. there is a meeting happening about the whole ordeal after abu dhabi (cause driver contracts are complicated, as we know) as confirmed by horner (though talks are definitely still going on)

so heres the situation as i can piece it together. 

checo has a Lot of sponsors that bring money to the team (as we know, hes a huge deal in mexico, he has a whole lot of sponsors), and these sponsors have already been told that hes staying for the start of 2025 (supposedly). so they are prepared to keep paying red bull money. but if red bull kick him, then theyre out all that sponsor money, meaning that whoever the next driver who comes in is would need to have at least vaguely comparable sponsorship. 

checo has said (or rather demanded) that if red bull cut ties with him for 2025, he wants 15.7 million pounds (roughly 20 million us dollars) to buy out his contract. 

and williams, supposedly, reportedly, will want Another 15.7 million pounds (20 million us dollars) for franco because red bull would want him full time and not on loan. franco is, as we know, a very new driver to f1. and he would aparently be getting thrown directly into red bull, not vcarb. as three time world champion max verstappen’s teammate. max verstappen who is winning the championship in a shit box presently, just knocked the collective socks off of the whole world at the brazilian gp, won all but three races last year and who has caused the regulations to be changed Because of him on multiple occasions. that max verstappen. franco has less than ten f1 races under his belt. 

and there is also the fact to consider that because franco is a relatively new driver, he does not have (probably) nearly as many sponsors as checo does. things like this are impossible to say because its all complicated and hush hush but its not hard to make the assumption that checo, who has been here for 14 years, has more sponsors worth more money than franco colapinto does.

franco’s manager apparently made a comment (which i am assuming was about the rumor ordeals of him having a seat next year) that was “listen carefully because i will only say this once. stop with your opinions, with your insults and stop telling us how to do our job…i need you all to shut up.”

there was another vague rumor circulating around that alpine want to replace jack doohan, who they have only just signed for 2025, with franco before he even makes it to the grid. this would not be the first time that alpine has had issues signing a driver (oscar piastri’s contract for 2023 anyone???) but even worse for the team. jack is set to be the first driver promoted to alpine f1 from their driver academy program in Years. (recently we had zhou get released to sign with sauber and then there was the oscar fiasco).

fortunately for everyone involved though, this turned out to just be a rumor, and jacks seat seems to be safe. how do we know this? alpine announced the number that jack is going to be racing under (7, because he has raced under it before and it was also kimi raikkonen’s number, who he looked up to)

mick though, who as we know is a mercedes reserve driver and also raced this year with alpine in the world endurance championship, posted this on his instagram, which was on a Plain Black Screen:

“Life doesn’t always go as planned, and setbacks can be tough to face. But every challenge is a chance to learn, grow, and come back even stronger. This is just a chapter, not the whole story. The journey continues, and I’m determined to rise above it. Thank you all for your support, it means the world.”

and there was some good speculation over what the hell it was about. some people speculated family, some speculated he broke up with his girlfriend, but even more thought that it might be related to silly season and his continued lack of a seat. he had yet to confirm anything with alpine wec either, so he might be out of a seat entirely. only time though would tell. 

but moving on from silly season. 

franco colapinto continued to be a pr menace and posted this on his instagram story. this of course being a photo of someone next to a card board cut out of him, holding it in less than pg ways, with the caption (translated from spanish) “stop groping me” (the picture was a screenshot from a video where a guy was pretending to give him head btw)

some days later, he posted this comment which says (again, translated from spanish) "tomorrow I have media training and this time is not a joke... y'all still have a few hours to save me" one can only wonder if the two incidents are related. 

in a rather un pr menace way though, he did speak about the importance of therapy during an event, advocating for its importance, especially for athletes.

another wild pr move of the week came from checo. i think that i have mentioned this before but checo’s father is a politician. and he made some comments during the off week that were rather homophobic. the comment was, apparently, about ralf schumacher (who as we know came out as gay earlier this year) and was "I don't know if he's a man or a woman.” now im not entirely sure if this is all that was said (i ripped this off of an instagram comment, don't sue me okay i have seventeen whole pages of links that need to get put into this update alone, i did not want to google one more) 

obviously, this is offensive. i should hope that you all don't need me to say that. 

here’s what checo said in response though: 

"First of all, I don't agree with any of his comments. I think he did a mistake in that regard. I don't share any of his views but at the same time I don't control what my father has to say, I can only control what I say.”

this is not exactly a surprise coming from checo, as we all remember that earlier this year he and max accepted an mtx couple goals award (while they were in mexico, though i think they had won it significantly earlier in the year) and max said, about them receiving the award: 

"i think checo always wanted to win this one, since checo joined the team, it’s not about winning races or championships. it’s this one!" as well as that them winning "was not unexpected" and that he and checo "made it"

checo’s thoughts were a bit more succinct, but the sentiment was clear: "dreams do come true"

and speaking of max getting shipped with people. as you may or may not have deduced by now, max often gets shipped with charles leclerc. people get a little crazy about it (i don't mean this is  a bad way, i admire all of you and i am very content watching from the side lines). theyre called lestappen. 

and well, as you might also remember, max has an e racing team called team red line that he streams with sometimes. and he streamed with them during the off week. 

well. one of the members of team red line, brought it up on stream. again i say, this was not a fan comment, this was one of the members bringing this up unprovoked. 

"I've just seen a clip of when chadwick was by himself, talking to the chat. He goes: Do you think lestappen is real guys?”

"It's fake- it's fake, what are you talking about?"

and then in the background, max himself started laughing.

the lestappen girlies about lost their minds for a whole week. very funny. 

(and before anyone brings up the ages old debate of people shouldn't read stuff about them, i offer you my ages old two cents: don't bring fandom shipping rpf etc stuff up to them unprovoked. but if they go looking for it themselves, well then that's on them.)

and this is unrelated, but rickard silken posted a lestappen edit.

charles seemed to be blissfully unaware of this moment, probably because he went to the gladiator 2 premier with his grilfriend alex. charles did his part as a diligent ferrari driver and wore a ferrari pin like he was a diplomat from a foreign country at a convention and proudly admitted on camera in an interview that he had only seen gladiator one a few days ago. he was described by someone on twitter commenting on the premier as “charles leclerc on way to Gladiator 2 premier in London.” 

also present at said premier was carlos and his girlfriend rebecca. carlos was also mentioned by the same user on twitter. but they called him “a sports man, i think heading to Gladiator 2 premier in London.”

lewis was also at the premier. he slayed harder than both of them combined because he is sit lewis hamilton.

charles also wore some ugly pants.

yuki tsunoda moved to milan recently and lives near pierre, who he is besties with from their time in alpha tauri as teammates. they went and did karaoke together in celebration. and they sang their adele song together.

we also had signs of life from both daniel ricciardo and logan sargeant. logan was doing indycar testing (and also slaying, he was at the top of the time sheets) and daniel was at a bills game. they seem to be really enjoying their post f1 glow ups.

dorianne pin, the mercedes f1 academy driver, was on the kimmel show, and she absolutely slayed. 

valtteri bottas is dressed as santa in finland on ads selling what appears to be some kind of alcohol

and formula one announced that all of the car liveries would be unveiled at the same time next year, for 2025, with all of the drivers in attendance, at the o2 area in a weird sort of concert like thing. and while this is obviously a terrible cash grab situation, it is inherently hilarious because like? clearly very few drivers will tolerate this (max as we know detestes weird pr) and like. idk. seems like it has the makings to be a hilarious shit show. which just about describes this sport in general. 

oscar piastri did some pr with dogs. which was cute. but that also seems to be mclarens default go to when one of their drivers is Not Doing Well (as we have seen with daniel). so hm. interesting choice there mclaren.

also interesting choice was This Statement that andrea stella made in regards to the potential of lando winning the WDC. (remember, he needs to score 21 points every weekend now to beat max and max can win in vegas) 

“In terms of the constructors’, it doesn’t change anything and that was always our priority. Even when there was a call to be made to support one driver over the other, it was always secondary to maximising the constructors’ championship. When it comes to the drivers’, for Lando there was never any particular pressure. To be honest, we were enjoying this quest. Sometimes from outside, it may come across like, 'Oh there was an error there', but I don’t think pressure was a significant factor at all. Now we must analyse the points – mathematically we are still in the championship. I think for Lando, for Oscar, we will go to the next races and try and win the races. The last two races should be good, for Vegas it might be more of a Ferrari track, we will see but all to play for and the constructors’ remains and has always been our priority.”

now this is insane and also wild and also begs the question that if this was never the priority then Why On Earth did they pull so many team rules and swaps on oscar? especially in brazil? does mclaren know what theyre doing? Like will buxton said at some point earlier this year, chances to win the world driver championship don’t just pop up every year. so this seems like it could be a half assed cover up by the team over the fact that now it’s Unlikely that lando is going to win (it was unlikely in the first place, but now it’s less likely)

also who remembers their whole “whatever it takes” rebranding from the beginning of the season? not to inflict my own opinion here but, lol.

but enough about mclaren. you might be wondering hey! what happened with the gpda post? did anything come of it???

well. maybe. 

in the time between when the gpda posted it and the start of the vegas race week, three people (well! at least i think it was three! theres been a lot happening and its been hard to keep track!) were fired/let go conveniently. these three confirmed people were: 

the race director

the liberty media ceo (they presently own f1)

and the compliance officer

which is kind of a lot of important higher ups. 

(note: there might have been other people, everyones titles are pretty similar sounding and there were people saying that the f1 ceo was stepping down but as far as i can tell he seems to be staying, more people might have left but i cant really find anything)

and people speculated that the gpda statement might have something to do with it.

and lastly. and perhaps most importantly, max has a new cat.

so now. every time we’ve been to the us so far this year, shenanigans have unfolded. in miami we had lando win his first race. in texas we had a lovely myriad of things including: 

oscar saying that “maybe we should adopt nascar rules and sort it out on track or in the pits, but…well actually no. some people have tried that got community service.”

franco saying about alpine and specifically esteban ocon: “the faster lap was taken by the french, why do they change tires bro? we need to save the planet”

max, upon being asked if he sympathizes with mclaren in a press conference: “no, i don’t. i mean they complain about a lot lately anyway. it’s very clear in the rules. outside the white lines you cannot pass.”

and also the liam lawson and fernando alonso beef: “he said he would screw me and i guess he kept his word.”

and this also gets compounded ontop of the shenanigans from the last time we were racing in vegas (last year) for the first time since i believe the 80s: 

first they had these very weird hunger games esque entrances that pretty much no one wanted to be a part of, then carlos hit a manhole cover in practice that wasn't secured well and ripped a hole in the bottom of his car nearly paralyzing him. this delayed the second practice session by approximately 6 hours and i think they ended up doing it at some ungodly hour like 4 in the morning, fans got kicked out way before then and max all but condoned them rioting about it. lando binned it into the wall at the beginning of the race in a pretty horrific accident, there were all kinds of problems with the tires not heating up and they initially thought that it might be too cold to race because the cars do not perform well in the cold. charles did a very giggly, very sleep deprived interview with max and then he also had the overtake of the year on the last lap, overtaking checo for second place and he only came two seconds behind max (which was insane considering max was winning races by upwards of 20 seconds that year). red bull had these elvis inspired race suits and max sang viva las vegas over the radio after he won. and instead of a cool down room there was a cool down rolls royce. which was checo aggressively third wheeling max and charles.

so. all of this to say. it was going to be a bonkers weekend for suresies. 

and that it was. 

we started strong with yuki getting held up at customs. despite the fact that he has raced in f1 twice this year already, customs held him up for several hours saying that he had the wrong visa. he was wearing pajamas and they did not believe that he was a formula 1 driver or allow him to call his team or his friends that he had traveled with. eventually he did get into the country, but it was still weird and also bad

this did not stop yuki from showing up to the paddock in an absolute slay of an outfit though.

and lewis, naturally, was also slaying

as was jenson button, the 2009 f1 world champion, current full time WEC driver, part time sky sports commentator, and (perhaps ex perhaps not) 365 party girl, who was in town to comment on the race.

max verstappen got a present for his cat from a fan, and he revealed that the cats name is donatello. but kellys daughter penelope calls him doughnut because its easier for her to say.

there was a statistic going around that pierre has not caused any damage himself to his car this entire season (a statistic that he would like to keep through the last three race weekends)

it was also cold in the paddock (at least by f1 standards, cause most of the places that they go are pretty warm and/or its during the summer) so to be in vegas in 50 F degree weather was positively freezing for them. and so the jackets got broken out. especially at mercedes, where george toto and kimi all showed up in matching puff jackets and there was a really hilarious photo of liam lawson sitting under a blanket and next to a heater in an interview that i seem to have lost the link to. and it was so cold that fernando alonso was wearing four separate layers, which is proudly showed off to everyone on a fan stage

it was revealed that carlos’s trainer, pierluigi, is going with him to williams next year. in case you are wondering, sometimes the trainers are contracted by the teams, sometimes theyre contracted by the drivers (meaning that they either work for the team entity or the driver entity and usually with the team entity theyre hired out via a company etc etc etc) which means that either carlos’s trainer is contracted through his own team 55 team and is by default going with carlos OR he was contracted by ferrari and bought out the contract or left to follow carlos. none of that matters, but its important to me that you know that. 

and one of the casinos did a shoey bar again, like they did last year, as a riff off of daniel ricciardo’s signature podium move despite the fact that daniel wasn't there this year. and by half way through the first day they were more than halfway sold out.

charles also got id’d at a casino

and carlos and charles did… well they did things. perhaps the sleep deprivation was getting to them because i don't quite know how else to explain this. they posted a be real of the two of them googling if carlos was the spanish version of the name charles (it is) 

and a fan posted a video of the behind the scenes of this video being like what the hell are these two doing

charles almost seductively fixed carlos’s hair

they also responded to some social media comments ? memes ? about the carlos sainz face card not declining and leo and their special edition stuff with the “desert effect” on it

and this now takes us into the race suits. because we had quite a few special liveries and suits for vegas. were they ugly? idk ill let you decide that one. 

first we had stake. they went for some green flames.

their car was also a slightly different green than the usual green to match the suit green. and it went the freshly entirely pink alpine (straight out of force india practically because bwt used to be their title sponsor and the car essentially looked exactly like that lol) 

and stake made, once again, a funny little meme about it

racing bulls also had a livery. and some race suits. and they looked a lot like sprite cans

and then we had ferrari. they were supposed to look like sand blasted race suits because desert is sandy. it. well. it didn't really look too much like that. it kinda looked like they accidentally put too much bleach in the wash or maybe walked through a cloud of flour. please remember that ferrari has their own fashion brand before you look at them. though, the video of carlos and charles explaining them was a true gem

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and at least charles got to wear some fun shoes that said on them "leo is the best"

esteban ocon had a fun helmet, it was captain america (last year he had deadpool) and he was very excited about it. marvel even commented “on your left” on the post.

lando got asked about how thoughts on the car launch event. as one could have perhaps predicted, he was less than pleased about it: 

“if i get told to be there i guess i’ll be there. i might see where max is going on holiday and join him, we might end up having the same illness or something!”

sky sports had rainbow mics this weekend and it pissed of danica patrick visibly

lance stroll agreed with fernando alonso that “the less corners [on a track] the better”

george russell said that he was excited to have kimi as a teammate now that kimi would no longer be able to crash his car, though he thought it would be weird being the oldest on the team. when he asked how lewis does not have any gray hair yet (aparently george does) lewis said, as he has before “black don't crack”

and franco told a fan in a very sweet interaction that they would go far and be a much better driver than he is

he also said that ​​“We [williams] should take what’s left of the 2024 budget and bet it all on black in Vegas. If we win, we can cover the Brazil damages, no problem!”

i almost didn't want to waste space on this, but apparently christian horner gave some weird interview about how “accusations ruin mens lives” (cause remember earlier this year when he was accused of harassment in the workplace?) and he nabbed at toto for kicking him when he was down or something. and not to inflict my own opinion here, but good for toto. 

and remember when i told u all about how several higher ups were let go after the gpda released their statement? well. george was asked about this in the press conference and turns out. it was not connected. and not only that, but the fia never responded to the gpda in any regard and did not consult with the gpda before letting any of those people go or before hiring new ones.

here is a summary of what george had to say 

"We definitely weren't aware [of the race director leaving]. It was a bit of a surprise, I think, for everybody. It's a hell of a lot of pressure now onto the new race director. Just three races left [this season] … often as drivers, we probably feel like we're the last to find out this sort of information. And when it involves us kind of directly, it would be nice to be kept in the loop and just have an understanding of what decisions are being made.” [George then called for transparency because of the lack of communication between the fia and the gpda and said some drivers were unhappy with calls that had been made by the previous race director but] "sometimes just hiring and firing is not the solution. Let's see what this new era is going to bring, but every time there is a change, you have to take one step back before you make the two steps forwards.” [George was unsure how much confidence the drivers currently had in the fia leadership but said that it was clearly not] "the most stable of places" [due to the departures, and he insinuated that the fia and ben sulayem did not understand the feelings among the drivers especially when it was a challenge to get them to follow through on promises] "I think if we feel that we're being listened to and some of the changes that we are experiencing, requesting, are implemented … then maybe our confidence will increase. But yeah, I think there's a number of drivers who feel probably a bit fed up with the whole situation. And it only seems to be going in, to a degree, the wrong direction." "We all know what we want from the sport and the direction it's been heading and we probably feel that we want to do a small U-turn on a number of topics and just want to work together with the FIA on this. And that's just what we've felt has not been happening at all, at least directly from the President [sulayem]." (you can read more from george’s press conference answers here) 

lewis also backed up george, saying in an interview that

"If we don't get a response, I'm sure we'll chase them up. I know they've got a lot going on at the moment, but I think it's just to show that more than ever, the drivers are united, which is perhaps not something you've always seen in the past." he also advocated for closer and better working relationships between the fia and the drivers, saying "There are some things that need addressing, and FIA needs to be better at working and collaborating with us. We want the sport to continue to thrive and be better. We have zero to gain with the comments that we're making, in terms of things that can be better through the race weekends, and all we're asking is to communicate with us more and include us."

charles also said that is is surprised that the fia are making changes now with no explanation and max said that it is weird that they have to learn about fia related news (like the people getting let go/fired) from social media because no one from the fia is talking to them.

and btw losing the race director alone is a big deal. especially with a few races and two titles still to go. the race director makes a lot of decisions that directly affect the drivers and having to get a new one at the end of a tumultuous season cannot be easy.  

aside from that mess we also had another mess and that was lando commenting on mclaren’s statement about the drivers championship never being a priority.

first, he talked about the aftermath of brazil: 

"I deleted all of my social media so I didn't have any of that. I literally couldn't sleep for the first two days," he recalls. "So I did like, what, 36-40 hours straight. So that probably made everything worse. When you're tired, you're more moody, and that kind of thing. Like, it's a double effect. I was just sat at home alone. It probably would have been better if I had been with my friends. But they don't live in Monaco. They also have lives and are busy doing other things. And I'm a big overthinker, so like the whole flight home, the whole week, it just played over and over in my head. What could I have done differently? Why did I do that? Why did I not do this? You start thinking of all the scenarios that you kind of blame yourself for, why it's now not possible, that kind of thing. And yeah, because I overthink and I struggle with that kind of thing, that took a bigger toll in the days after. It wasn't an easy time."

now, this is not an unusual reaction for a driver to have upon losing the world championship (no matter how far away from winning it lando was), back in 2015 nico rosberg locked himself in his hotel room for hours after losing the championship to lewis hamilton in texas. he then locked the hell in and won the next several races consecutively. (i don't remember how many races it was, you can probably google that yourself if you're interested) and lando also has been open about his own mental health before, so this wasn't an unusual comment coming from him. 

he then said this though, also about the championship and what he has learned from this season: 

“For the first time, I'm confident to say that I have what I think I need to fight for a championship. Doesn't mean I'm complete, doesn't mean I'm perfect, that's for sure. And when you're competing against drivers who are close to that, like Max, you have to be close to perfect if you want to challenge him.”

and then came the chess analogies: 

"It's check and I'm all alone and Max has all of his pawns ready to attack me,” lando said in an interview, which he then followed up by saying that chess is not his strong suit as it that was not obvious from the analogy itself.  also we can infer that by pawns he mostly probably means charles and maybe ferrari (who are currently battling against mclaren for first in the constructors championship) and we all remember charles holding up lando for a hot while in brazil, (remember he and max were full teammating) so. could be onto something here. 

still, they asked carlos about lando’s comment, and he was woefully confused about it

and then lando said this about about max:

"Everybody thinks we are better mates than we are. I have other people who are my real friends. My true friends. He's a guy I get along with well off the track. That doesn't change. I am good at keeping things separate. If someone treats me like shit on track, it doesn't mean I will treat them like shit off the track. They are two different worlds."

and this:

"Maybe other drivers in the past were ready for such an occasion but no one has gone up against Max so early on in their career, halfway through the season, and put up a pretty reasonable fight.” 

(which is interesting because charles and max were fighting eachother back in 2019, when charles was at his first year at ferrari and only his second in formula 1, though i suppose that max was not a champion contender at that point)

now. max commented on the rules and regulations changing and whether or not he feels targeted because as we know a lot of the rules over the years have been changed For Max and also mclaren had been complaining about max breaking rules and racing too hard and here is what he said to bbc

"honestly, even if they would have done or did, first of all i don't care because i drive to what i think is possible and what is allowed in the rules. and if the rules are written like that, i will use the rules. if that would have happened to me the other way around, i don't think i would have been the person to complain so hard because i would just think, 'OK, if that's the rules, that's how we do it' instead of screaming that we need to change the rules.”

and this is funny because back in silverstone 2019, charles said this about racing max: 

"If we can race in that way, then I'm more than happy to race that way"

(meaning that, he didn't feel the need to change the rules around in order to race max and also win against him, unlike what is happening now)

this did not though stop mclaren from still being, well, mclaren. see they thought that red bullhead figured out that mclaren’s skid blocks were illegal and were going to report them to the fia. so mclaren instead decided to report themselves first. and low and behold, they were in fact illegal. and “The technical directive issued by the FIA required 7 teams to modify the arrangement of their fastening screws on the floor plate under the car.” and in addition to mclaren, Red Bull, Ferrari, Mercedes, Aston Martin, Haas, Sauber & Alpine all had to change theirs as well. 

hilariously, red bull knew nothing about the skid blocks.

that did not stop charles though for calling out mclaren’s under dog qualities.  

"McLaren has often said this (drivers saying Ferrari are favourite), it's not the first time they say maybe that Red Bull will be the favourite and then in the end they are the fastest."

and speaking of charles. he and max were back at it again, not even remotely dodging the lestappen rumors. first ferrari and red bull were sharing the fan stage together, which doesnt ever really happen, usually it is a top team with a mid field team, but for some insane reason they decided to put ferrari and red bull together and absolutely no one was mad about it. except for maybe max whos mic died and he got bonked in the nose by carlos’s mic while carlos was letting max speak into it. 

and max and charles, as they do, continued to stare at eachother throughout the fan stage as they yapped.

and Charles signed an inchident shirt and announced himself that max should also sign it

and the red bull racing admin on instagram threads also continued to ship lestappen openly. and even called out the ferrari admin for calling charles yapping charle-splaining instead of leclerc-ifying

and, sky sports made lewis hamilton watch a bunch of old videos of him and nico rosberg fighting for the title from 2014, racing clips and just clips of them in general. and on not one but two screens. and as we know, lewis rarely ever speaks about nico, so this was interesting.

what was also interesting is that he lied about their relationship. seemingly. 

now, usual disclaimers here, i don't know these guys, and objectively they only know what happened. (again, i don't think either of them owe the other anything, whatever happened happened and we will never know what happened) and i can only report the findings of the internet. and the internet had a lot to say.

lewis says that he and nico lost touch and werent in contact from after they were karting teammates (i think around 13/14 years old) to when they were teammates at mercedes (when they were 28)

and. well. the internet had some qualms with that. including but not limited to: 

they went on vacation together several times in that gap, and one of those times nico taught lewis how to snowboard 

and theres footage of them partying together when they were teens

they also definitely talked in the paddock when they were both in f1. and we all remember nicos first podium with lewis. lewis and jenson also once sang nico happy birthday during the drivers parade. 

and like, it might be true that they might not have been Best Friends during that time. but they definitely knew eachother. 

oh, and nico was also in vegas that weekend. for the race.

ah, love a good couple of guys being unreliable narrators about their weird and slightly homoerotic friendship that exploded in a drivers title fight in front of the whole world. pure poetry, am i right??? 

so there was a lot that happened. clearly. 

am i missing something? i feel like i am missing something here. 

oh right.

all that and the entire paddock smelled like weed. 

yes. weed. 

“what is very noticeable around the circuit is the smell of marijuana,” checo said.

“there was a smell of marijuana,” franco added. “if they dope test the drivers now, i think we’ll all be positive.”

and so with all that. the practice sessions. 

i didn't watch all of them, only the third one, but there was plenty of chaos there. 

first, valtteri bottas already has a five place grid penalty for a power unit change. 

and lewis showed up wearing a complete glitter fit and also slaying 

oscar couldn't get his mclaren to turn off

and alex’s williams caused a red flag almost instantly, in true williams fashion

and the return of the vegas gp, with its weird night schedule that is conducive for effectively no one least of all the drivers (seriously the race Starts at 10pm Local Time. that means drivers are going to bed around 5am to prepare for late nights, not to mention that that is 1am eastern time and 6am uk time) meant that we had the return of Weird Sleep Deprived Commentary from our lovely commentators

such as crofty saying multiple times that the only place that the race time is conducive for is guam time,fiercely debating whether or not the plural of elvis is elvises or elvi, also something about the phases of the moon

and, unbelievably, karun tried to explain how tire graining works using the metaphor of grating cheese. no i am not kidding. this happened. and you might think this is a normal metaphor to make and it is but then it got weird: 

“if the tire is too cold, it starts to shred and it peels,” karun said. 

“like soft cheese?” jenson button, the 2009 f1 world champion asked.

“almost like you get a grater on the top of a cheddar,” karun agreed

“like a medium soft cheese,” jenson amended

“room temperature cheddar,” karun probably nodded.

they also talked about andretti. you remember andretti, who wanted to start an 11th formula 1 team but was denied? well hes back now, partnering with cadillac and also general motors as they pitch a new, cadillac racing team. apparently it is supposed to be announced very soon if they are in, but they would be an american team.

and jenson, who was in the box for practice,  had some insight on them. starting with the color. 

crofty said that they should paint the cadillac car pink cause of the springsteen song. 

and jenson said, “they did paint one of their hyper cars pink [in wec], and im actually a cadillac driver next year.” which is true. it was recently announced that he was moving from team jota to team cadillac for 2025 (cause jenson does in fact still race cars)

still, crofty and karun saw a great opportunity to make fun of him.

“are you [back] in formula 1?” crofty asked, excited that jenson might finally get to serve his three place grid penalty

jenson just laughed

“now this is a scoop!” karun continued. “jenson button returns!”

“no,” jenson corrected, still laughing. “in world endurance championship.” 

“this is a night of exclusives,” crofty said, ignoring him.

jenson also told everyone that he had seen boys II men down in the williams garage the day before and went to go say hi. he sounded very excited about the whole thing.

crofty though was in disbelief. “you went up to boys II men for a selfie?” 

“yes!” jenson said, incredulously. “they were my youth!”

there was a fantastic photo of jenson serving cunt in a green velvet suit standing next to boys II men, but i cannot find it for the life of me

george called the sauber a “green thing” and then the following day said, about the sauber “same bloke again, two days in a row” about a minor incident. and lance’s car lost all power at the end of the session.

but perhaps most interestingly. we had problems down at red bull. 

problems like, they had the wrong rear wing. 

or at least, that was according to one helmut marko, and we know how reliable he is. in any case, he claimed they had the wrong one and couldn't overnight a new one from england. 

basically though, the wing was too steep, meaning that they were losing about 6 tenths per second on the straights (which was bad. because vegas is mostly straights. and remember. max can win the damn world championship this weekend pretty much as long as he finishes ahead of lando and in the points). so what did red bull do? well they busted out the angle grinder and diy’d their own rear wing.

max was appropriately pissed about the whole thing

but in a later interview he explained a little better than helmut what was going on:

“if you're missing between three and seven tenths everywhere in the sectors then of course something is wrong. its not just a bit of balance here or there, its not just the right tire grip. then of course you can't push and nothing works out. and then of course our rear wing is of course, we just have a bit too much drag. we havent got a smaller wing. we don't have it. so over one lap that makes it even trickier because we had to saw off a lot of the drs flap and of course you have less drs effect. the problem is of course we’ve only got one more season with these regulations. and when you have to develop a whole new wing that costs money of course. its a bit of a difficult issue.”

he was then asked if the stories that they had brought the wrong were incorrect. and he said “yeah, well if you believe that then you're a pancake.”

during practice three, when they were still trying to sort out the wing problems, he had a few concerning radios, including: 

“its only getting worse, the car is undriveable” and “this is…i cant drive it. im going to crash. my left front is completely fucked.” but they did seem to fic it by the end of the session, or at least make the car driveable because max ended 5th fastest and said that the car was miles better to drive grip wise.

red bull might have been suffering to high hell. but a team that was Not suffering to high hell (for once) was mercedes. in fact, lewis and george were both so quick that they themselves had absolutely no idea Why (though they speculated that it was because of the cold) 

"Incredible day. Love to tell you why. To be honest, we're scratching our heads a little bit, why it was so positive,” george said after fp2

“that's the first time that I've actually had a day like that I think this year,” lewis said. “The car was feeling really good in fP1. fP2, less so, so got some work to do overnight, but… Difficult to know exactly where we are or why we are where we are, but really enjoying driving the track. And I think, yeah, we'll see whether the car is still the same tomorrow."

so weve got two mercedes rocketships, a diy red bull, a championship on the line, a track that smells like weed and a race only suitable for guam. 

qualifying, anyone? 

well everyone was ready except for lance stroll, whos car was in several million pieces as they tried to sort out his power issue from practice. they managed to get it fixed and he did get to do one flying lap, but still went out in q1. 

also out in q1 was checo perez. and as he got out, there was a graphic of him shown on the sphere giving a thumbs down, which was really just. it was really something.

this is the pinnacle of motorsport.

even worse for checo now tho was his qualifying stats for the season. he now had 8 q3 exits this year. max has had 5 in the last 8 years. hes also been responsible for 50% of their q1 eliminations as a team, despite only being with the team since 2021.

in q2 franco became the first driver to find the wall and crash into it. which was devastating news for williams because they had only just managed to scrape enough parts together to go to vegas and had had to fix francos car twice already in brazil. the mechanics were not pleased. 

and the crash was big, 50G. he was cleared medically and sent to the hotel to rest, but would need to be cleared to race in the morning, if he had a car to race. 

once everything was repaired, we got to q3 which was surprising for two reasons. first, lewis made his first mistakes of the weekend and came tenth. second, pierre qualified third. in his alpine. coming off the back of the double podium weekend. it was his first time ever qualifying top 3.

the alpine admin was beside themself.

george was on pole. he was very excited. but he was also sleep deprived as he accidentally said during his interview that he was betting on ferrari. and he received his pole position award from a man who cooks shirtless on tik tok.

carlos was in second, he was also happy because he got to keep his p2 this year, unlike last year “because of the famous drain cover” (he got a 10 place grid penalty for changing the power unit after the crash)

and starting 4 5 and 6 were charles, max and lando. which would be interesting to say the least. 

max though did defend franco after his crash, saying "the experts... should keep their mouths shut. Even if I were to drive a road car on the limit on this circuit, it's not easy either. let them do it. Being in front of the camera is often a sign that they can't do it themselves, or that they can't do it anymore.”  

speaking of max, remember, the only way that max doesnt win the championship this weekend is if lando scores 3 or more points than him.

the track, btw, still smelled like weed. max said he felt high in his car and charles looked high in his interview.

 mick though, over in the merc garage, didn't manage to look high, just miserable.

and so. what we’ve all been waiting for. the race. self described as james hinchcliffe as having “cold temperatures, [a] dirty race track, low downforce configurations and walls everywhere.” 

and unfortunately for all of you, you will have to find out what happened in the race in part 2 of las vegas because tumblr hates this post and would not let me put it all on the same update, no matter how hard i tried :/

so. i will be back soon :) stay intrigued everyone!

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[lostintransist]

Listen all I gotta say is price and Johnny are the type to bear hug you during sex. I mean like fully encompassing your whole body, holding you as close as possible with their strong ass grip while they’re balls deep in you. That’s all, thank you and have a great day :)

Oooh anon I like the way you think. Let me posit a few ideas for you. Because brevity is NOT a skill I possess all my thoughts are below the fold.

MDNI 18+, Female reader (because it fits the narrative I want to write today)

CW: Pap smears and doctors appointments mentioned, sex (obviously), mentions of lubrication and anatomy lessons (because if I have to read one more 'it's so tight' I am going to start fight club in your comments. If the vagina is 'tight' it isn't aroused! Vaginas are small when not being used for pleasure or producing a human.)

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish

Johnny bear hugs you, but not frequently. The first time it happened he had been hounding you all day for some action. You put him off with a smile and wore your prettiest day dress out for errands. "I can't miss my appointment today Johnny, and if I leave now I can get some shopping done."

He goes with you obviously because he hasn't seen you in weeks because of his job and spending time with you even at an appointment is better than missing you from home.

You didn't mention and he failed to ask what kind of appointment you had. Imgagine his delight shock to see you strip off your dress with absolutely nothing underneath because you have a yearly physical.

Let's not even argue the point that Johnny is horrified to see how a pap smear goes and apologizes the rest of the day that you have to do that as a part of having him as a newer partner. [I hate pap smears so much...Like I want to fist fight god for making them a thing that needs to happen.]

It takes him a couple hours to get over the sick feeling in his stomach. You had been mid conversation when the provider reached up and flipped down the sheet covering your breasts. They pressed and prodded all without either of you acknowleding what was happening. Was that normal? (It absolutely is.)

When you do finally let him convince (Lets not lie you also wanted this all day) you to bed end up riding him as he orgasms. His arms snake out and pull you to his chest, the powerful bands of his muscles holding you tight to his chest as he shudders below you. He is overwhelmed and in awe of the things you have to do to keep your body healthy and how part of those things are his fault.

It does prevent you from coming like you wanted but Johnny, once he can see again, takes care of you before settling you both in a bath.

Captain John Price

This man is so used to being in charge that the first time he sinks home into you he is snaking his arms around you to bear hug you to his chest.

"If you move even a bit I am going to explode inside you like a fourteen year old boy and his first time touching a lover," he growls into your shoulder.

He didn't need to use lube on the regular but after you explained he quickly agreed.

"John you could do hours of foreplay and I would still not produce enough fluid to make this an enjoyable experiance for either of us." You smile uncomfortably as his eyebrows tuck downward in confusion. With a shrug you continue, "My body does all the other normal things."

"Normal things like what?" Ah man, he did it now. Education on bodies that had vaginas would always get you on a rant. "So you know how in media the common thing to say about a vagina when inserting a penis is 'oh it's so tight' because it is supposed to feel good for a man?"

John leans back in his chair, contemplation exchanged for his look of confusion. "Yes, go on."

"Okay. When a penis gets erect it grows in size and shape typically, so does a vagina. An unaroused vagina is only about 2 inches in length but when aroused it grows to on average about 4. The rush of blood down there allows it to become more elastic and accomodate many shapes and sizes."

At John's nod you continue, because you know that this can be an uncomfortable topic but you refused to go to bed with a man who didn't care enough to understand how your body works.

"Typically with arousal the vagina creates a lot of fluid to help with insertion." "Isn't that what precum is about too?" Biting your lip you decide if you are going to ruin his day. "No. What we call precum is a cleaning fluid because pee and baby batter use the same tubing in a penis."

"Oh." He looks mildy uncomfortable with this information. Well in for a penny in for a pound. "All that to say, I would love to have sex with you but we will need to use lube because my body doesn't produce enough fluid and the fluid you make isn't really what I will need."

John thought about that conversation as he sank home, the plushness of your thighs bracketing his hips. Shoving one arm behind your neck and the other under your back as you lay under him he focuses on breathing.

Lord only knows that an anatomy lesson from you would be what nearly sends him over the edge. When you start twitching under him he holds you tighter, a slight wheeze escaping your chest.

"Dove I am getting older and don't recover like I used to, give me another ten seconds and then I will fuck you like I'm trying to touch your brain."

That delightful little sentence had you clenching around him, but your hips stopped shifting. Damn, he might need to ask his doctor for some little blue pills because one round a night with you might not be enough.

I'm so totally normal about these fictional characters...yep.. totally normal.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Erm Declan with a breeding kink thank you and goodnight 😌

a quick and filthy declan blurb/drabble for your sunday evening. you’re welcome. smut warning !!

“It’s a shame,” he murmurs, hand pressing down on your lower stomach where he can feel himself. “We’ve been so careful. So cautious.”

His other hand bends your legs back even further so they’re practically tucked against your chest, folded in half by his effortless strength.

“Now everybody will know about us.”

You’re so confused, not understanding what he’s getting at with his point. It’s dizzying - his hips slowly grinding into yours, the weight of his body pinning you down, his breath in your ear tickling your skin. Your head is spinning.

“Why?” you breathe out, whining.

He smirks all wicked and devious, mischief glinting in his eyes.

“Well, we can’t exactly be a secret if you’re pregnant, can we?”

You’re gasping, both at his words and at his thumb rubbing circles on your clit suddenly.

“You’ll look so pretty when you’re showing,” he teases, kissing along your jaw. “We won’t be able to hide it anymore. Everyone will know you’re mine.”

You’re coming unexpectedly, clenching around him so tightly that he can’t help but groan. Declan’s still pressing you down into the mattress, not even allowing your back to arch off of the bed.

“That’s it, there we go. Atta girl. Few more of those just to make sure, yeah? Gotta make sure it takes when I fill you up.”

All you can do is pant his name, stars clouding your vision as he presses a kiss to your forehead before picking up his rhythm even more brutal than before.

“You were made for me, sweetheart. And now everyone will finally know it.”

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Okay, we gotta talk about Pit Madness in the comics.

I keep seeing a bunch of people saying it’s not real. Problem. It is. It’s just rarely brought up.

It might not be the earliest reference, but we have this panel with Talia talking about how madness seizes him after dipping in the Lazarus Pit

Batman #244 (1972)

But this isn’t the only time we get reference to this. The panel below also talks about lore of the Lazarus Pits and again mentions that madness.

Batman: Bane of the Demon. Issue 3 (1998)

This gets referenced again in Hush when Bruce is fighting who he thinks is someone pretending to be Jason having been resurrected in the Pits during Hush.

Bruce is thinking about how he almost out Jason in a Pit after his death, but due to the madness the Pit can cause and Jason’s injuries to the head, he thought against it.

Batman # 618 - I think it’s volume 11 in the Hush omnibus (2003)

We see a reference to it again regarding Jason in the Lost Days. What’s super interesting here is that Talia states the Pits did NOT drive Jason mad, but Ra’s warns her that it’s possible the madness can occur up to years after a person’s dip.

I find this particular one fascinating, simply because of the lore that Pit Madness can take hold decades after a dip in a Pit.

Red Hood: the Lost Days #2 (2010)

Now, regarding Jason. There has NEVER been any concrete proof he’s suffered from Pit Madness. It’s very popular as a head cannon simply because Jason’s characterization is so all over the place.

Edit: Please keep in mind Jason was calm, cool, collected, and conniving in Under the Red Hood. Saying he’s Pit Mad there takes away all of the impact and gets rid of his motivations. Please be aware of this.

Now, that’s not saying there’s not a connection between Jason and the Pits. There was an entire arc in Red Hood and the Outlaws (2010) regarding this which also deals with Jason’s time with the All-Caste.

I still haven’t gotten around to reading that part, but it’s where the permanent augmentation theories come from. Oh, and Jason can canonically make constructs from Lazarus Water. Ra’s can too, but yeah… it’s a thing.

Red Hood and the Outlaws 2010 #27 (Released in 2014)

But while there’s no confirmation Jason’s dealt with Pit Madness, you know who has? Cass

Batgirl 1 #72 or 73 (2006)

Cass was revived after taking a blow for someone. And Shiva revived her, but there’s no permanence to it. And to my knowledge, I could be wrong since I’m not as familiar with her runs, this is the only time it gets referenced with her.

But going back to my original point that started this: Pit Madness is real. It’s just rarely seen in the comics. And if you want to use it, that’s fine - just be careful about its use since you can ruin characterization with it.

Edit 2: while there isn’t much of Pit Madness seen in the comics, it does seem to wear off over time. We also know a dip in the Pit temporarily increases brain power and physical strength/ability.

We also know that there’s a Lazarus Pit under Gotham and that its waters leech into Gotham’s water supply.

That’s referenced in Teen Titans vol. 3 issues 40-41 (2007) - forgive me. I don’t feel like looking up those panels

[imaredshirt]

Fiddlestan AU where it's been years since Stan and Fiddleford were in a relationship. The breakup was bad - monumentally so. Decades pass and they never fix what went wrong. They go their separate ways - Fiddleford becomes the town's local mechanic, and Stan the local Mr. Mystery.

Stan never tells the kids about his worst breakup, but he also always goes on and on about how much he can't stand the local mechanic. Dipper and Mabel don't see anything wrong with McGucket - sure he's a little weird and every so often his robots wreck havoc in town, but they like him.

(He also seems to be very aware of the strange and weird goings-on prevalent in Gravity Falls and insists that Stan isn't as obtuse about it as he seems, but the kids don't quite believe him)

One of the reasons they see him so often is because the Stanmobile inexplicably breaks down every other week or so. Stan complains (loudly) about cheap modern auto parts and useless mechanics wasting his money, but Mabel and Dipper can't help but notice that he still takes the car to McGucket every single time for repairs.

It never fails. The car makes a weird sound or the tires drive all wonky or it refuses to start at all - whatever the issue, he has Mr. McGucket look at it.

He refuses to see another mechanic in another town or even have Soos take a crack at it. Every time, he calls McGucket up or drives the old clunker to McGucket's garage. There's usually a few insults tosses around (passive aggressive on McGucket's part and outright aggressive from Stan) and once in a while there's even a shouting match - but McGucket always fixes the car right up and sends them on their way with a smile.

Dipper doesn't get it. The car needs repairs so often that at this point he thinks it would just be cheaper to buy a new used car. He's on his way to suggest this and prove his point with a nice list of pros and cons one morning and finds Stan by the car. Stan doesn't notice him and seems sneakier than usual (which actually isn't that unusual) and is about to announce Plan Buy A New Car (And Save Money for Other Important Things Like Pizza) when Stan throws the driver's door open, reaches under the dashboard, and rips a handful of wires right out.

Dipper stares, aghast, as Stan tosses the wires into some nearby bushes.

Stan finally notices Dipper standing there and throws his hands in the air like his nephew didn't just catch him damaging his own car. "Can you believe this! Car's having trouble running again. Cripes, we'll have to take it to What's-His-Face in town! Again! I swear he's doing a shoddy job on purpose. Dipper, I want you to keep an eye on him this time-"

"But," Dipper gestures at the bushes where a red wire is stuck on a branch. "Grunkle Stan, you just--"

"Just found faulty wires stuck under the steering wheel," Stan says. "Old McGucket's losing it, he can't even get a few wiring stuff right anymore. Go get your sister, we gotta head in to town."

And so Dipper goes to get Mable and relay what he just saw, because he's just now realized that all their auto troubles may not be as random as they'd thought.

[lemonmaid]

Poly Taskforce x Baker! Reader

A small part two, I had the idea while working today. It is very apparent that I just started watching Dexter.

Warnings: talks about murder. Gender neutral reader

To say Simon was smitten witn you could be an understatement.

Simon went far along to change his hours, Johnny complained about it for weeks, always mumbling in the ealry morning "why we need to open thus early? No one is gonna wanna have meat at 6 am".

He will always be there whenever you text or call, you want him to double check to make sure the store is locked up? No problem, you're lucky he lives above the shops.

The seasons were changing fast, the forcast called for snow later today. The door slammed open, "Has anyone seen john? I wanted to ask him to get lamb meat for these Shepherd pies I gotta make for the holiday season". Ah there you were in all your glory, you were wrapped up tight in layers of clothing.

"What's wrong with Si's meat- OW! Fuck Si, was kiddin'", Johnny rubbed the back of his head, mumbling before walking to the back freezer.

You looked at the two with an awkward expression, "Nothinh, i just wanted fresher lamb, anyways- Simon do you think you can look at my oven again? I think it's not heating right".

And see you in your cute white apron and pretend your his bonnie? Of course.

Simon hummed, "light probably out again, i can check it later tonight".

You smiled, "thanks Si, probably be lost without you".

The rest of the day was slow, slow to the point Johnny said he is gonna hit the pub early even though it was a bit of a walk. Simon really didn't want to work the front end, he hates talking to people kinda mutish but will carry a conversation if needed. Johnny did the talking for him, been talking and hasn't stop talking since primary school, hell the two were so close that Simon could call Johnny's ma his own. Johnny was always there, even when Simon didn't want to see his ugly mug, Johnny was there.

The front door chimed, Simon groaned, taking off his gloves and walked to the cash register, there was Kyle.

"Needing something Gaz?"

Kyle rolled his eyes at the nickname, they used to play together for their schools Rugby Team, their nicknames sticked together like glue. "Nah I just need your opinion on something".

Simon nodded, "police work?".

Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, "Yall need be safe out there tonight, another body was found in miller's creek- which i wanted to ask you simon- what does this look like to you".

Simon looked at the pictures, he's got to hand to the killer, these cuts are professional, "looks like a clear Butcher cut"

Kyle hummed, "do you mind coming down to the station to give a statement? I think we would like your word-"

Simon crossed his arms, "You're not accusing me right Deputy?"

I mean, it was a good guess. There's only two Butcher shops in town, Simon's store was in the middle of no where and the other was three miles out of town, he's got to hand it to the killer, he does know his way around a blade. And after the incident that happened when he was a kid, wouldn't put it past Kyle for assuming him.

"Oh god, of course not Si! Listen the sheriff wants to figured out quick- doesn't want to alarm the folks here or more rumors".

Oh of course, Simon is aware of how people just talk in this town. A couple of years ago there was rumors of him and Johnny being a couple on the count of they don't go to church, old crazy people.

Just as they were bout to leave, Johns truck comes in speeding.

"Kyle! We need a immediate medic attention".

In the passenger seat was Johnny, very bloodied, beaten beyond recognition.

The bastard went to far.

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[in1-nutshell]

Hello there, I'm wondering if you saw my sonic the hedgehog buddy with transformers or rid.

I had it written but the request went away. I'll be putting it here!

( I also don't recall which universe of Team Prime you wanted so I went with TFA, I could see this bot thriving in this universe. Please let me know if this was not what you wanted.)

Hope you enjoy!

Bot Buddy with the personality of Sonic the Hedgehog with Team Prime

SFW, Platonic, Cybertronian reader

TFA

Buddy was a bot that emerged from an old blue kart when a shard of the Allspark fell into its engine.

The poor thing was confused about who he was and what he should be doing.

That was until a comic landed on his face.

A comic about a playful, speedy hedgehog and his misadventures with his friends.

The bot liked this character a lot and decided to be just like him.

It certainly was a surprise when Team Prime came across a speeding go-kart with a bright blue finish and energetic personality was helping a couple of grandparents cross the street.

That was either Blurr’s cousin… or the team really needed to get a better at finding these Allspark shards…

The bot had heard a bunch about this Team Prime from the granny’s and decided to join.

They didn’t want him?

Too bad, good guys gotta stick together.

Team who are a bit cautious of the new member

These bots are a bit cautious when this new bot shows up. Not that they could get rid of the bot, he moved too fast and admittedly a good bot. At one point some of these bots consider the possibility of them being able to teleport, but it’s proven quickly that the bot is just really fast. These bots don’t necessarily dislike the bot, the speedster’s personality is like Bumblebee’s. They do appreciate the bot’s wanting to help other around them using their gift; respect is earned that way. The only reason why any respect slightly decreases was because they insist on having a chili dog scented tree in their alt mode. It smells weird and they don’t like it. The blue bot also has a habit of giving them all nicknames, though they don’t understand what a ‘Shadow’ or ‘Knuckles’ are.

Prowl

Ratchet

Optimus

Team who don’t mind Buddy

These bots are happy to have a new friend. They love how fast the speedster can go. Sometimes they are even asked to time the blue bot to see if he can beat his speeding record. This as resorted to many complaints from Fanzone about speeding in certain places in the city. Luckily Professor Sumdac has a track suited for the blue speedsters increasing speed. As far as things go, the one thing all these bots can agree is that their new teammate has a weird fascination with car fresheners that smell like ‘chili dogs’. It takes a bit for these members to understand the reason behind the blue bots nicknames. Now, if they are willing to share the information to the others is up for debate.

Bulkhead

Sari

Who has raced Buddy and continues and is a bit of a sore loser since the first match

Bumblebee

[roseyswords]

An analysis of Mastermind (the Song)

Now this is gonna focus primarily on Stolas's perspective throughout this whole song. Not that I think Blitzø or Satan's parts are less interesting they're just more straightforward than the rest of it and I don't think I can expound on them that much.

So first we have Stolas using societies already baked in prejudices against imps to immediately square away the idea that Blitzø could be to blame for the whole thing. And you'll notice that when he's doing this he's putting on the same persona that he used in Circus when he got Blitzø out of trouble with his security guards. The act of a haughty Prince that is taking responsibility for an imp. It's a bit of a go to for him.

Then he starts building up the idea of a Mastermind whose actually behind it all that just using Blitzø for nefarious purposes. I also want to point out the look on Ozzie's face here because it is expressing exactly what I was thinking when I first watched this which was " what the fuck are you going on about Stolas?"

But if you notice something that I'll talk about a bit more later he's not saying he's the Mastermind at this point. He's just talking about a vague Boogeyman esque mastermind here.

Then he goes on to detail what killing Blitzø like this would mean in Hell. First he's doubling down on how lowly he is, meaning he couldn't possibly have done it and that he is clearly just a scapegoat. Basically telling them that doing so won't solve anything. But then next he says that it would "light a fire in the hearts of his race" which as we see afterwards, it did. This whole song stoked massive support for Blitzø and if we remember resulted in the first time in history where an imp sentenced with death got away and survived.

Fuck it! I am the Mastermind. There is the briefest moment here where Stolas closes his eyes and thinks. Right before he says Fuck It. I don't think Stolas had fully cemented on the idea of taking the blame himself until this point. I think this is the point where he realized he can't back down from this, he can't just make up a Mastermind he has to be the Mastermind. I think he has this sort of as the plan the whole time but that he was also giving himself a bit of an out before by being vague. He could have said he was the Mastermind the entire song but this was the moment he started taking full ownership of the title.

I have no regrets/ I have regrets. Publically Stolas is saying that he has no regrets about the whole scheme that he used Blitzø for. But then we immediately go into private mode where Stolas is having some regrets and second thoughts about doing this. He says " why am I throwing my life away for this idiot?" He doesn't like doing this but he's going to anyway.

And he decides to do it because the alternative is Blitzø dying. And that is too horrible of a fate for him to bear. Stolas probably also feels actual responsibility for the whole situation because he made the deal to let Blitzø use the book knowing it was illegal. So if he can do anything to let Blitzø live, this is it and he's gotta do it. So then we get to

I am the Mastermind, the master of my faith. No looking back, we're doubling down. Full on. So much of Stolas arc as a character is culminating in this moment. For so long he has just been a puppet in other peoples plans. He has never been in charge of his own life but now he is the master behind his own decisions and steering his own fate. Even if it's at his own detriment. He sings about how much he loves Blitzø and death itself is the only thing that can break them. He is resolved to this fate and he's taking it head on.

There are so many fucking layers to this episode, it's a gift that keeps on giving. It's my favorite episode containing my favorite Helluva Boss song. I hope you enjoyed this attempt at a breakdown I did.

[ariathelamia]

Hellhound HRT Month 6 (4 month wolf 2 month Hellhound)

Heya! It’s me again… starting to do some note taking which… i got kinda chewed out on not doing any of that when i woke up in the hospital-.. wait fuck getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from after I parted with Mars.

So, yeah I got home that day pretty ecstatic to say the least, I mean who can say that they get their meds from an eldritch ritual!... well Mars probably can but that's besides the point let me have this! 

The tablets taste awful, which is to say a lot since my taste hasn’t been the same since about month… 3 or 4? Something something Carnivores taste a lot less than herbivores or omnivores. Well anyway, meat tasted better than before, that’s for sure, but yeah everything else always tasted kinda… bland… so i started to enjoy textures more than taste… where was I?.. Oh yeah, taste of the meds… HORRIBLE.. like someone mixed the consistency of chalk with the aftertaste of puking your guts out… urgh… made a habit of putting them in a little bit of food and then down them that way… that way i at least only taste the food at first and only later maybe a bit of the meds.. 

Sooo anyway, changes… they happen fast on this stuff!! Maybe that's because there is a lot of change to come?... Or the cheap shot Erian gives us some diluted shit because he wants us on the meds for longer for a better and long lasting payroll… anyway! 

The most notable change is my fur… it changed COMPLETELY in color! It used to be orange with a few gray streaks here and there and now it’s almost entirely black with some gray highlights like the fur on my chest or around my wrists and.. other joints. pretty neat! Could swear some of these kinda look like eyes.. especially those on my elbow and knees.. wonder if it’s like a mark from who i got those meds? Well they look cool so i won’t complain!

But yeah pretty much my entire body is covered in fur now, with the fur in my face being a lot shorter and more dense… It feels REALLY fluffy though… like i swear to god i brush through it, and if i don’t press down it almost feels like brushing throw air… that kinda soft.

When it comes to other changes in my body… my legs hurt somewhat now… i guess that means they are starting to change form now too.. becoming.. digigrate.. or something like that? Wolf like! 

My Nails have now pretty much fused with my fingers. They actually look like really sharp claws now. Can’t pull them in yet so… gotta be double careful when scratching myself… already nicked myself pretty bad when I scratched an itch on my shoulder.

The tail has been as fluffy as ever~ I love this thing!!! Helped me a lot with my balance when doing parkour too! it’s just great~ 

Oh yeah! I am slowly growing a snout! hurts like a motherf-.... but damn finally!

Uhm… other than that… i noticed some tightness in my chest about three weeks ago… thought i just overexerted myself but… turns out it was worse than that. Which brings me to the reason I actually ended up in the hospital.

So here I was… meeting some friends from an online group that's basically made by therians for therians, which is an outdoor activity club for those of us that love exercising with our new formed abilities! Tell ya what, ain’t a damn human out there that can teach ya better how to use that tail for balance than some cat therian who already figured it out~ it’s quite specific and you gotta get a feel for it.. but their explanations helped a lot in increasing my stability when free running! Anyway I trailed off.

So I met those people again, that day it was another wolf therian like me- wait.. not like me, forgot i’m a hellhound for a second-, then there was that persian cat therian guy… and big ol’ me! We started easy with warm ups and stretches… that's also when my chest felt tight again for a moment.. but it went away really quickly so i ignored that… bad mistake.

Then we started running around the park at first.. into a more urban area of Hyper City, where we started to climb the buildings, jump some walls… typical kinda parkour stuff! It felt great having the wind in my fur, and doing it with a couple people that get it the same way I do! And boy oh boy am I happy they were there with me… 

Memory is a bit hazy… but I just remember being… hot.. like literally… my chest felt tight as hell, pun intended, and I was literally in mid jumping motion, past the point of no return…. two… and a half stories above some alleyway… and I freaking passed out, like that… From what the others told me I was right behind them… and then I was gone… but they saw some smoke coming up from in between the buildings… I was incredibly lucky I fell into a dumpster.. but must have hit the wall straight on before that… They had trouble getting me out cause… turns out when i told Mars i’d love to have a “fire in my chest”... the eldritch must have listened and taken it literally.. or it’s simply a hellhound thing to have freaking FIRE IN YOUR CHEST. But yeah grabbing me was difficult, too close to my chest and they got burned… even my freaking tank top burned away… god am i lucky i got fur covering my chest already.. the possible embarrassment!! 

But yeah they apparently got me out, called the hospital… and rest is uh history.

According to the doctor’s i had several broken bones… collar… lower legs.. right arm and shoulder… minor fracture of the skull.. lots of shaved skin from hitting a literal brick wall.. 

and to top it all off… freaking 185 degree fahrenheit (or 85° Celsius for us europeans) fever.

They apparently had to put me into an ice bath… and cooled me with tons of ice packs to try and fight the “fever”. Only when Erian, after they had called him in for a consult, figured out what was going on, they simply put me on heat proof bedding and sheets… and kept the temperatures from reaching too high. Guess we Hellhounds can grow a flame organ, kinda like dragons, in our chest.. When I asked them later if that means I can breathe fire they shrugged… I tried but nothing came out except for some smoke.. we all start small… but what we did find out was that, the heat that the organ produces is linked to my emotions. 

When i get angry, it goes up a lot! Happiness and excitement raises it somewhat and the calmer i am, the more towards “normal” temperatures it goes… Still don’t know what sadness does cause… they didn’t wanna force me to cry… tough luck trying in the first place, but they hypoth-... hyppo… they think it would lower the temperature further.

Anyway i am trying my best to stay calm and not get mad cause… while my organ is already functioning pretty well… my body still can’t handle the heat super well… It hurts when it gets too high and I end up with fever symptoms… so yeah gotta wait till I build up some resistance. 

Oh if you’re interested… i was apparently out for about 12 days- plus side, almost two new releases of my shows to watch! But… when i was out… I had some weird dreams… about the moon?... but also about those places i’ve seen from that ritual… They asked me to elaborate about it but nuh-uh, not gonna say a word to them! Not before I talked to Mars about it. Anyway yeah i remember some… weird creature trying to talk to me, didn’t understand a single word but it looked… at least a very little like mars… just… no visible eyes.. some long ass head… and big fucking grin… 

Had some time to think about it all a bit.. and one thing strikes me as odd. While i do take my meds during the early hours and the evening… the changes happen mostly at night… at least the biggest ones… sure the pain carries through the day but it only ever gets really bad at night… So it’s odd that my organ started to become active during the day… hm… bad luck i guess.

Now I gotta explain myself to Erian… way too many questions but he allowed me to rest for now before he comes back and asks them again… “Where did you get those meds? What species did you choose? Are you getting your check ups? Did you think for a moment before taking some back alley medicine?!”... blah blah…. as if it wasn’t partly his fault i had to ask some more… devious powers to help. Not that I regret it. Though it was nice of him to talk to the staff to let me continue taking those meds for now! I’m also back on his schedule again… probably better to be on “Mysterious alien provided Hellhound HRT” with a doctor that has seen a couple weird things already. Therian care seems to be still a little bit of an issue in most hospitals.... then again who can say they have an idea how to treat a hellhound… not something people face on a regular basis like a dog or a cat… 

The only annoying part is that… i’m now pretty much stationary… I get some visits from friends of the support group, and the runners group too, they bring me things I need… like a new tank top for when i finally get out of here… 

Oh yeah-... and the pain… god having broken bones AND changing bone structure is NO FUN! And the painkillers they give me are wack…. urgh note to myself… if anything feels slightly off before or during a run… stick to the low ground… 

________________________________

Yay Part two done! Lets keep the fun times going~

Previous | Next(Coming soon)

[glitter-stained]

Sense the current state of jason as character is stagnant do you think dc will ever purplish a good story of him, maybe he even kills of his red hood persona and goes on to be something else that would be something I would like to see but I don’t think it will happen. Dc will forever shoehorn him in to the batfamily. At least in his anti-villian era he was actually fun now his character is in a pitiful state

do u think theirs a chance of reinvent him as character anytime soon ?

Well first of all through spite everything is possible, so jot that down.

Like seriously, remember when it was so so incredibly over like Spiderman's Uncle Ben levels of over and then Under the Hood happened? Hell yeah I think dc will publish a good Jason story

Second I may not be the best person for this ask because I like my blorbos pitiful and miserable. Like yeah defiance is awesome but exhaustion -in characters who have been angry and alone for so long, beaten dog who got electrocuted too often to bite back- has a special place in my heart. But I also agree this has to be a transitional part of a story, the arc can't be "well he was hurt and then he was angry and then he was tired and he was miserable the whole time". Unless of course he ends up perma-dying in a really meaningful arc centered around his character but I'm not sure that'd be what I want for him, and we all know how lame dc is with permadeath nowadays. I'm also very mitigated with his villain side because yeah sometimes it's very fun and cathartic to see the angry/bad victim trope, but also the classismXpsychophobia of villain Red Hood sometimes are just too much; and also I'm a jaybin fan and sometimes I feel betrayed on jaybin's behalf by elements of his villainous characterization. (One day I'll write that damned UTH rewrite, I will).

With that being said!!! I love Jason because of his potential, he has so so much of it, that's what's exhausting about his many bad comics is that yeah. Yeah, dc can absolutely publish something more than good. They don't understand the goldmine they're sitting on in terms of potential.

What I'd love to see explored in hypothetical upcoming good comics (i'll talk more about it later with malfiora but for now)/how dc could go about reinventing his character :

1) addressing Jason's suicidality and getting him a functional support system (seriously, something's gotta give)

2) Get that boy a dog. Ik he had one at some point in N52 idc give him more dogs. Big ass rescue dog that's loyal and similar to him.

2) we need to figure out a way to let Jason keep being a Crime Alley/Park Row vigilant without being dependent on Batman. Like yeah he should explore the world away from him and heal but also i'm very uncomfortable with the idea that healing, for Jason, has to mean leaving the city and neighbourhood he grew up in and protected, has to mean be shoved out of his home by a guy who doesn't live there and, at least when Jason was a kid, only visited the place one time a year because of the anniversary of his parents' death- it's not fair and I won't accept it.

3) I so so agree about the "killing the red hood persona" or at the very least changing his vigilant name. Like I get the point, I understand the use he had for him, but his story can't be centered around the Joker forever (I keep thinking about the Joker's attitude to him in The Man who stopped Laughing and god, I can see a driving force to find himself as something else than what Batman and the Joker made him). At some point his name has to become something that is his and turned towards the future.

4) art + story that acknowledges how young he is (someone please let Jason take college class please please he deserves it)

5) perhaps most importantly: batman writers often sound like hardcore deontology or hardcore utilitarianism (and the occasional egoism) are the only acceptable moral philosophies. And for characters, it works! Like I can see Batman as a Kantian, sure. But for others, it doesn't fit as well.*

The cool thing about Jason's character right now is that he's a utilitarian, but a utilitarian that often isn't guided by his values. He can and will compromise on his philosophy in the name of love and being loved ( @bestangelofall called that a morality leash) and that already sets him as an interesting character in his own right. But in terms of redefining himself as a person after decades of defining himself through his pain (which, at 20-23 years old, he should get to do) I'd love to see an evolution of his morals based on love. Specifically, I'd love from his morals to shift from mathematical utilitarianism to agape, an ancient greek concept of platonic love for everything human, a movement towards the other that can be thought of as close to some conceptualisations of empathy. Mind you, that doesn't mean that he would stop killing! I can believe in a Jason who kills because or against of agape, the pain or relief that could be so good to explore in relation to that, how he would go on to define himself as a person... I feel like Jason has a certain tendency to kinda dehumanize the worst criminals as he kills them (a lesson from Judy, love her sm) which I love, but would also love to see him grow out of - learn to see and love everyone as human and what it means, a re-exploration of his empathy.

Imagine: a scene where he kills a guy because a kid victim begged him to. The focus on the image is on the kid's big wide tearstruck eyes, and then Jason's uncertain face, the kid begging him to kill the bad guy. And then Jason kills him and they're standing so close to eachother, and he's look him in the eyes and seeing the image of the kid's eyes, and then turning back to the kid while wiping the blood on his face and seeing the kid's wide eyes looking in disbelieving awe. And then kneeling and hugging the kid as he cries his heart out. And Jason's inner monologue during all that being something like "I could say that I killed him because I'm a bad guy; I probably am. Or argue the world is better off without scum like him; I could pretend I did it so he wouldn't hurt [x] again, or that I was thinking about all the other children he wouldn't be able to hurt anymore. But the truth is, I didn't. I killed him because [x] asked me to; because I could tell that he needed it. I can live with that."

Idk, that's the direction I would love to see it going, but simply "becoming even more open, louder and unapologetic about prioritising his love over his values, and being angry when it causes him dilemma" is something I'd love with as way. Very "Odysseus knows what he's going to choose the moment the gods tell him to throw the baby off the wall to see Penelope and Telemachus, but fuck if he's angry at the gods for making him make that choice" kind of vibe if you like Epic the musical.

*i'm not saying there aren't any characters in dc that fall out of this deontological/utilitarian false dilemma, it's just a vibe I get from batman writers at times, and as a consequence of specializing in one character I don't feel legitimate in exploring the intricacies of other characters because I feel like I'm lacking information and would be making uneducated guesses (that being said, I would fuck heavily with an exploration of Cass' morals VS Levinas' concept of ethics). If anybody has recommendations of dc characters that are neither utilitarian nor deontological (or are at least an interesting twist to it) I would love them so much please don't hesitate!!!

So yeah, idk if that answers your question, I don't pretend to know the intricate working of dc editorial. But imo there are wonderful possibilities for dc to reinvent Jason and write him into good comics -call me a blue lantern cause baby I got hope.

[atsadi-shenanigans]

What Shall We Become 39 - Natalie Portman

Y'all need to get the fuck outta here.

On AO3.

Everything goes to shit. You don’t got more than a second to process Astarion with his knives before the short shit slaver swings at him. With a goddamn battle ax. How the fuck does somebody fight that?

You got no weapons. Lost your stick to a Hook Bitch and your knife to a fucking drow. So you do what you been doing, and try to stay outta the fucking way.

That lasts about three seconds.

Something slams you low. Folds your knees and you crater down. Then another little bastard is on you. His own knife glints in the low glow. Like every other short shit fucker you’ve been pinned by in the last month, the fucker is strong.

“Darling?”

Astarion’s voice is tight. Slaver takes another swing, which he dodges.

“Sun-scum bitch!” the fucking ankle biter on you spits. Literally. Speckles your face in the process and some of it lands in your mouth.

“Uergh!” You make some garbled kind of outrage noise.

You don’t know how to actually use a knife that ain’t slashing wildly at a butthole, don’t know how to shoot a bow or even a .22. But you wrestled with other kids at the farmstead (before you was considered a girl and forced to do chores while the boys got to play). Part of you remembers how to shimmy and grab.

Ankle Biter leans in close with that knife. Oily hair falls in your mouth.

You also know how to bite.

You twist up and crunch into his ear. He screams. Tries to pull away, but you hold fast, teeth straining in your gums, and you get your hand around his knife wrist.

“Fuck!” he says. Finally tears free.

Flesh also tears. Hot metal washes over your tongue and you spit as he rips his own ear off getting away from you.

“You fucking bitch!” he says.

You got enough room now to get a leg up between y’all. Wedge a foot against his chest. The edge of the wall is right there, and you don’t even gotta think.

You kick. Ankle Biter flails back. Trips over the edge. Scrambles for a hand hold, but you kick at his hands. Miss them and crack him in the face.

He falls.

Astarion grunts. You look up. He can’t get close enough to Slaver with that mcfucking ax. Fucker’s too fast with it. He needs an opening. A distraction—

You look to your chest. To the severed ear oozing over your drow armor.

No time. You pluck it up, scramble to your knees to aim better, and throw.

It ain’t enough to do damage. You get nothing but an instinctive flinch from Slaver. But Astarion is a two-hundred-year-old vampire elf, and he don’t need any more than that. In a blur, he’s in Slaver’s range. Short fucker tries to back away, get his ax lifted up between them.

Too late.

Astarion grabs his arm with one hand, his face with the other, and darts in to rip out a chunk of throat. Follows Slaver down as he gulps down what he can.

He pops off with a gasp. Swipes his messy chin with a forearm, and gives you a bloody grin.

“I couldn’t let you be the only one having fun,” he says.

You want to grimace. Or scream. And some fucked up little goblin in your skull still kinda wants to kiss him. On, like, the cheek maybe (it’s on the mouth).

What actually comes out is a weird, wheezing snort.

Shouts down below. You catch some of the trilled Drowic. Bastards have caught up.

“Ladder,” Astarion says and points behind you.

“Hold on.”

“Darling—” he starts. Realizes you’re snatching up the saddle bags because you are motherfucking sick and motherfucking tired of losing all your shit.

“Ah, of course,” he says. “Retrieve your phallus. It’s not as if we’re begging to be shot up here.”

You sling the bag over your shoulder. “I was thinking potions. You’re the one who won’t shut up about the goddamn dildo.”

Then an arrow whistles past your ear, and you’re following him down that ladder as fast as you can.

Where fucking zombies shamble over to meet you.

“What the fuck!” you say.

Astarion just shoves you back and goes hog wild. Man’s moving faster than you ever seen him. You aren’t actually seeing him; he’s just a blur of silver hair and pale skin and the dark drow armor.

He cuts through them fuckers like a goddamn weed whacker.

Movement above. A drow drops from the walkway. Sort of spiderman skitters down on a net and drops the last ten feet. She don’t so much as glance at you.

She’s focused on that big, rickety gate.

“Shit. Astarion!”

You done spotted the dock. There’s a big boat, kinda like a catamaran. You can’t help the fight without emotional support grenades or a fucking stick. But you can’t just leave him, either. So you stand there and hover like a dumbass.

Until he takes the head off the last one. Turns to you as the gate groans like a set of old man lungs on the last stretch of pneumonia. He gives you a weird look you can’t parse, before his whole face furrows into a scowl.

“What are you waiting for?” he says and makes a sweeping gesture with his hands. “Go!”

The ground turns soft. Not sand, but finer than gravel. The two of you sprint across the beach, towards the dock. One hundred feet. Seventy. Fifty.

And something pops outta the ground. Long and skinny and dark. You veer to go around, but Astarion clamps a hand on your wrist and jerks you back so hard your feet damn near fly out.

More sticks sprout right where you was about to step. And then you notice the fletching. They ain’t weird mushrooms or sea grass. They’re arrows.

You look back. One drow on the wall. Three trotting out to flank y’all—two on the left and one on the right. And the gate wide open, so Bitch Queen and Shithouse can stride on through like rich people at some fancy-fuck costume party.

Shithouse spots Astarion first. Half his face is a fucked up smear of burned tissue. The other twists in an uglier sneer. “Traitor.”

…huh?

Astarion must sense the confusion across y’all’s brainworms. He murmurs over his shoulder, “It’s what they call surface elves. It’s quite derogatory.”

He sounds near giggle at that last part. Solidifies that impression by making a kissing noise at Shithouse.

“Hold,” Bitch Queen says without even turning her head. “You. Surrender, and we’ll kill you swiftly.”

Goddamnit. Goddamnit. You’re only a dozen feet from that dock. So fucking close.

You reach for the brainworm group chat. Tap into it like you hit a road closure on a long trip and you’re fumbling with your phone trying to find the right detour. You ain’t being subtle about the shitfuckshit in your brain, neither. Alarm zaps through the others and crashes back into you.

They’re closer than they’ve been. But still too far to help.

You look to Astarion again. Your scalp burns under phantom claws.

“Don’t let them take me again,” you say, low enough you hope the others don’t catch it. “Please.”

He’s still got hold of your wrist. Glances your way outta the corner of his eye, and gives you a tiny squeeze.

“Easy, darling,” he says. Out loud. And then drags you up as he takes a step back. His other arm snakes around your chest. A cold line presses into your throat.

“Ast…what?” you say.

“How about a renegotiation of those terms?” he says to the fucking drow. His voice coils through you.

“Astarion?”

“Do it, traitor,” Shithouse says. Takes two steps forward. “Our matron mother will simply peel the knowledge from the slave’s skull. After we’ve peeled off every inch of your skin.”

“Ooh, promises. Unfortunately, I’ve tasted that dish before, darling. You’ll have to be more creative. And if you were capable of doing all that, you’d have killed her at the beginning and saved yourselves all this trouble.”

Shithouse starts towards y’all again.

“I said hold.” Bitch Queen don’t raise her voice. Don’t change her tone. Sounds like she’s ordering coffee at a diner.

And Shithouse stops like he hit an invisible wall.

“What are your terms?” she says.

Astarion came back for you. He kissed you. He wouldn’t…would he?

“Safe passage for myself,” he says.

“And your companion?”

You can’t see his face. He’s an iron presence at your back. Your wrist twisted behind you, his grip tight. The other holding his fucking knife to your neck. But his cool breath puffs against your ear as he nuzzles in.

“Trust me,” he breathes.

Then a hot sting on your neck. He cut you. He cut you.

“An ally, once,” he says. And then licks your fucking temple. “But she’s served her purpose less than adequately. I’d rather continue on my own way, if it’s all the same to you.”

He came back. He lured a fucking birdshark after him to get you back. You ain’t sure what, exactly, he’s trying to accomplish here. But he asked you to trust him.

“No!” you say. “You motherfucker! I helped you!”

You thrash. Just a little. Enough the knife slices you again. It’s shallow, but you feel his chest hitch behind you.

You seen him use those knives enough to know man’s got control of them like they’re his own fingers. If he wanted to cut you, he would. And if he were any less dexterous, you’d have slit your own throat just then with that stunt.

But he modified it. Just enough. He’s putting on a show.

“And that was your mistake, my sweet,” he says. Louder,” Shall we? I leave her to you, you leave me to my business, and we all get what we want?”

“Fucking bitch,” you say and scrape a heal down his shin. He is wearing boots. That don’t rise that far.

“Ah! You little—” He lets go of your wrist to shake you. The world blurs, but your brain ain’t sloshing around in your skull. He’s way stronger than this.

Then he blasts into your mind with his brainworm and his outrage tastes like eggs with way too much pepper. That hurt.

But you needed to make it convincing.

Oh, he’d glare at you if he could. Drag you over to that lake and dump you in and let all your things sink to the bottom.

But the drow flanking y’all edge in.

“Ah, ah, ah!” he says. “None of that. This is a straightforward arrangement; let’s not ruin it for the both of us, hmm?”

Y’all haven’t moved any closer to the dock, even with your antics. So what’s he trying to accomplish?

His sheer, buttery smugness fills your mind and your ears pop. Except they don’t. He just tugs you into him, skating around the edges of his thoughts, so that his ears become yours. The cavern fills with the panting inhale of all the drow, their pounding pulses—one in particular fills his thoughts, and you try to edge closer to see what—

No, darling, not that. That.

A roiling shiver. A distant thrumming. Something big, something moving.

Something underground.

Oh. Oh-ho-ho.

His giddiness mingles with yours into a schadenfreude milkshake across y’all’s brainworms.

(Somewhere in the distance, Gale frowns at a wall and says, “A what?”)

“Make the deal,” Shithouse says. He leans close to Bitch Queen, and at first, you think he’s actually stupid enough to say that so loud. Until…nope, he ain’t being loud. His lips barely move. You should not be able to hear that man. You’re still riding shotgun in Astarion’s hearing and holy shit, that man hears everything.

A flash of his memory: staring up at the red canvas of his tent as guts gurgle and people snore and Karlach thrashes and…is Wyll humming in his sleep?

“Jesus,” you whisper.

“Once we have the thief, we hunt down the traitor and tan his skin to make our new house banner.”

Bitch Queen nods to Shithouse. Then to y’all, “Very well. We will accept your terms. Let our target go, and you may depart unmolested. On my word as first daughter of House Darnruel.”

She said depart unmolested.

Astarion’s amusement fizzes against you. He caught that, too. Poor thing thinks she’s being clever. She does look quite young, for a drow (she looks like she’s in her forties, what is he even talking about).

Astarion takes a step back, dragging you along. Bitch Queen somehow straightens even more.

Right against you, so close his breath tickles your ear (fine, so you shiver, it’s a normal response to being tickled), Astarion says, “And right about…now.”

Shithouse looks down. Squints through the ruined flesh of half his face. Bitch Queen goes all hard and harsh in what you think is alarm.

“Bulette!” one of the drow shouts.

“Get up the ladders!” Bitch Queen says.

Too late. Apparently, that birdshark was real pissed. Pissed enough to track y’all the whole way here.

The big bitch rockets straight outta the ground, right between the legs of the drow on the right. She tries to leap up and away, and almost makes it.

The hook of birdshark’s beak snips, almost tenderly, right through her crotch.

“I knew it!” Astarion says.

Chaos erupts. Bitch Queen says a word and her hands light on purple fire. She flings it at the birdshark, who whips around with a screech. The archer still above gets off about three shots. Which the birdshark seems to take personally, because it darts to the side, gator-like, and smashes into the half-rotted timbers bracing up that section of the wall.

The archer falls. Lands in a roll and don’t snap her femur like a carrot stick. So birdshark decides to be a dear and skitters forwards to crunch off her foot.

“Fucking called it,” you say.

“Time to go, darling,” Astarion responds.

Together, y’all bolt for the ship. Hit the dock, boots pounding on the wobbly planks. The boat is tethered by one, big rope the same thickness as your wrist. Astarion stoops with his knife still drawn.

“Do you know how to work one of these?” he says.

You been on a pontoon boat out on Tenkiller Lake, like, once.

“Uh,” you say.

“Get aboard. Try that part up there? That looks like a handle or something.”

Stairs lead to a kind of balcony on the back. You scramble on board. A railing rises towards the back, but the bitch is completely open on the front.

You start for the stairs. Stumble over what you think is a pack or cargo or something. Until it says, “Fuck off! Watch it!”

A duergar lifts himself up. Even a couple feet away now, little fucker reeks of alcohol.

“Who the hell’re you?” he says. Stumbles to his feet and reaches for what you assume at this point—because that is just what everybody fucking does here—is a knife in his belt.

Fuck it.

You lunge. Shove him, as hard as you can.

He lets out a startled squawk, his ass first, and then keeps on rolling backwards right off the edge and into the water.

“Ha!” Astarion crows. And saws at the apparently un-cuttable rope. “Why is this thing so thick?”

It’s gotta be the adrenaline. Or maybe your brains just flipped the bird and skipped off. Cause you open your mouth, “That’s what she said.”

You ain’t usually that kind of joker. You been told you got dry wit. College boy humor? Not so much.

Astarion stops to gawp at you. Blinks once. A woman on shore screams as the birdshark chomps out the front of her gut.

“You’re utterly deranged,” says the man with blood drying all down his chin.

Which you tell him.

“It wasn’t a complaint.” His grin is as sharp as his knife as he finally slices through the last of the fucking rope. He holds that grin as he vaults on board himself, and as he swoops in, wraps one arm around you, and drags you close enough to plant his lips on your cheek.

Half of you goes wibbly.

The other half swats at him and says, “Ew! Blood breath!”

He only cackles and all but flows up the stairs.

There ain’t no engine or, like, old-timey steering wheel. There is a rudder.

A drow—half of one, anyway—goes flying through the air to splash in the shallows nearby.

Y’all look at each other. At the empty deck below. The sails on either side folded like a bird’s wings. Or maybe bat wings.

Astarion grabs the rudder.

The entire boat shimmers. He gasps. Flinches. But grabs the rudder more tightly and his face goes all sharp.

Wood groans and canvas hisses. The wings on either side slide up, unfurling like a church lady’s fan. And the whole thing shudders. Shifts. Creaks forwards away from shore.

“Whoa,” you say.

“It’s enchanted,” Astarion breathes. Looks to his hand. Up to the extended sails.

The boat moves slow at first. But you have to lean in, just a little, as it starts to pick up speed. The dock floats behind y’all.

Holy shit. Holy shit, y’all fucking made it.

You glance back to shore, just to see (hoping to spot Bitch Queen lying in a pool of her own blood). Spot the birdshark on its back, unmoving.

And the bitch herself stands at the end of the dock, wreathed in purple. She utters the last syllable of her spell and thunder claps across the water.

You start to make a sound. Then it hits you. Phantom claws. No gentle brush, this time. No fucked up caress. They slide through your hair, pierce your skull, and shred.

You think you scream. Then your knees give out and you hit the deck.

[luxcuriousao3]

Dove: A Zombie Ghost Story (Chapter Seven)

Summary: He didn’t want to let his little dove go. He wanted to hold her close, feel her warmth and smell her sweetness. He wanted her softness and light for himself. She made the days of his cursed existence so much easier to bear. She gave him purpose, she gave him happiness with every bright smile and light touch. She was giving him his humanity back—he could feel it, his emotions less dulled each day, his mind clearer. He didn't know how to let her go, and return back to the way things used to be. He didn't know if he could. Word Count: 3426 Warnings: still no smut (but Ghost has explicit thoughts again), mentioned past child abuse, mentioned animal death (a zombie's gotta eat), Johnny continues to haunt the narrative (I almost feel like he should get his own character tag at this point, he talks so goddamn much in Ghost's head) Notes: Triple asterisk (***) denotes a POV change as usual, dash asterisk dash (-*-) is a time skip but not a POV change. I still have no beta for this fic so all SPAG and consistency errors are my own, feel free to point them out. AO3, Masterlist

After emptying the remains of the water cooler into a bottle found in the kitchen, Ghost and his dove resumed their methodical search of the town for supplies.

It was a small town, though larger than a village. Ghost knew they wouldn't have the time to search each and every house—right now, he was guiding Lelia to any spots that looked like they might have the essentials. More water, mostly, but also a map of their surroundings. He wanted to find somewhere that his dove could safely nest for the winter, and a town wasn't it. Other survivors would undoubtedly come through looking for supplies of their own—and with only being a day's drive at most from the military base she’d escaped from, Ghost knew those survivors likely wouldn't be friendly.

It did make him wonder, though. What would happen if they did come across a group of good people who were willing to take Lelia in? There was no way he would be welcome to join as well, he knew. He would probably be killed on the spot, unwilling to fight back and risk her getting caught in the crossfire.

He knew what he should do, if they ran into other people: Watch them for a few days, get a sense of if they were the right sort. If they were, lead Lelia to them, and disappear so they could find her. Trail them afterwards to make sure she was accepted, safe, and happy… and then let her go. Let her be with other humans, where she belonged, and not stuck with a monster like him.

He knew that was what he should do. He just didn't think he had the strength to.

He didn’t want to let his little dove go. He wanted to hold her close, feel her warmth and smell her sweetness. He wanted her softness and light for himself. She made the days of his cursed existence so much easier to bear. She gave him purpose, she gave him happiness with every bright smile and light touch. She was giving him his humanity back—he could feel it, his emotions less dulled each day, his mind clearer. He didn't know how to let her go, and return back to the way things used to be. He didn't know if he could.

So, telling himself that it was what was safest for her and only lying a little bit, he prepared her for a journey to somewhere more isolated.

They didn’t find a map that day or the next—no one kept printed maps or even atlases anymore, it seemed, far too reliant on technology—but they did find a long, designer puffer coat that Lelia squealed over happily, as well as a few cases of water bottles. Ghost, who had been loaded up like a pack mule, was relieved to discover a little red wagon in the garage of the house they holed up in on the third night. His dove was so chronically malnutritioned that she couldn't even carry the pack of canned food without needing to stop and rest every half hour—but he couldn’t afford to be bogged down by supplies incase of an attack. The wagon was the perfect solution—he’d drag it along behind him and could easily drop the handle and move to protect Lelia if need be.

Around four days since he’d last eaten, Ghost found himself sniffing her far more than he was comfortable with. So he kept his distance until nighttime, and then repeated his pantomime show of telling her to lock her door and barricade herself inside the room with her supplies. She understood what was happening this time and obeyed without protest, simply telling him to be safe.

When he came back an hour later, she was ready with the dusty toothbrush and tube of toothpaste they’d taken from the house with the water cooler. She even used some water from one of the bottles they’d found—despite his protests—to gently clean his face and hands. It was the most she’d touched him since the last time she’d scrubbed his teeth—though not the first time since. She tended to walk closer to him now, enough that their hands brushed every so often. He’d stopped wearing his gloves entirely, just to be able to feel it a little better. Sometimes she grabbed onto his arm, too, when she saw something that scared her—which was often—or something that she was excited about—which was rare. It was nice. It was better than nice. It was wonderful. Every second of physical contact with her was heaven. It had been hard, keeping her at arm’s length today, but necessary. And now he would make up for it by letting her clean him, which was arguably even better, if a little embarrassing. But he would embarrass himself a thousand times over if it meant he got to feel her touch.

“There’s blood under your mask,” his dove said suddenly, her fingers slipping under the bottom edge of it. He tensed, reaching up to lightly grab her wrist, stopping her from taking it off. He looked horrifying enough with the mask on—if she saw what was beneath it, he knew he would take over staring in her nightmares from whoever Andrew—and God did he want to rip that fucker apart every time her heard her beg him for mercy in her sleep—was.

“Still won’t let me clean under it?” His dove asked, pouting. He just stared back at her, unable to be swayed, not on this. She sighed, but let it go. “Fine. But you have to clean it, then, because the blood starts to smell if you leave it there.”

He grumbled, but accepted the rag from her, releasing her wrist so she could turn around. He removed his cracked mask, looking in the mirror—trying not to flinch at the disgusting sight that greeted him—and carefully, clumsily cleaned up the little bit of rabbit blood that had snuck up towards his nose. He was lucky he still had a nose, he reminded himself.

Once he was finished and his mask firmly back on, he groaned quietly, and his dove faced him again with a smile, toothbrush at the ready.

Five minutes later—he was disappointed it didn't take as long this time, but he supposed that meant the first cleaning had worked—he was spitting toothpaste into the dirty sink, mouth tasting aggressively of mint.

“What did you eat tonight?”

Ghost looked back at Lelia, surprised by the question. Why was she asking? Was she worried he’d eaten a human?

“I had a can of peaches,” she continued, wiping her hands off on one of the dusty towels hanging on the back of the door. “I’d been trying to save that one for a special occasion, but I couldn't resist anymore. I miss sweets.”

His confusion—and slight hurt—faded when he realized she was just doing what she always did: filling the silence with chatter. It was one of the things he appreciated the most about her, after so long with only the groans of the other undead and his own thoughts for company. Although sometimes, he half expected her rambling to be thick with an indecipherable Scottish accent.

Ghost tried to make a bunny rabbit with his fingers, but his dove stared at him blankly. He huffed and then held up two fingers behind her head so she could see them in the mirror. Bunny ears.

“You ate a bunny?!” She exclaimed, horrified. “But— but they’re so cute!”

Ghost just looked at her, shrugging his stiff shoulders. It was the first thing he’d found, and he’d been trying to get back to Lelia as quickly as possible. Cuteness wasn’t a factor he took into consideration when it came to what he ate. Though if it was, it would explain why she was so tempting to him.

“Aye, tha’s a good’un,” Johnny’s voice said in his head. “Yer cute too, an’ I’d still eat ye. Eat yer sweet li’l cunny—”

He immediately shut that thought down. He wondered if the real Johnny was as much of a pervert as the one in his head, or if it was all just Ghost.

“Did you at least make sure it didn't suffer?”

Ghost focused on his dove again, and was alarmed to see that her big brown eyes were wet and wide, her bottom lip trembling. He groaned, his own eyes widening—as much as they could, at least—and he instinctively reached out to try and comfort her. But he stopped short of actually touching her, his hands hovering awkwardly over her shoulders. She was still looking up at him with that wounded expression, and he would have done just about anything to make it go away, so he nodded quickly. The rabbit had barely had time to register what was happening before he’d snapped its neck. At the time, he hadn’t done it out of mercy, but simple practicality—his meal couldn't run away if it was dead—but he couldn't have told his dove that even if he’d wanted to. Which he very much did not.

“Good,” Lelia said, relieved. She still looked sad, but not as much like she was about to burst into tears, now. Ghost let his hands fall back to his sides. “That’s good... I’m sorry. I know you need to eat, I don’t mean to make you feel guilty for that, I just… my first ever pet—my first ever friend, truly—was a little mummy bunny. She lived in the garden on our estate—that was my favorite place to play—and I found her after Father had refused to get me a pet for the dozenth time. I must have made him quite cross, since he struck me right across the face, rather than give me a spanking like usual. It was certainly more effective, though. I didn’t dare ask again. Which is why I was so pleased to find my little Serafina—that’s what I named her—that I helped her raise her babies until they were big enough to go out on their own. I’d bring them food and nesting materials, and I sat guard over them all day, everyday to make sure no foxes came to eat them. It was bittersweet, when I found the nest empty. I was happy they had all made it to adulthood, but I was so sad to see them go…”

The look in her eyes was distant, though not quite as much as it had been when they’d found the leather jacket. It had scared him, that day, just seeing her go suddenly unresponsive as tears began to stream down her face. There were no tears this time, for which he was glad, but his undead heart still ached a bit at her words. Clearly, despite growing up in the lap of luxury, she had been a lonely child, with parents not fit to raise a sensitive little dove like her.

Ghost groaned quietly and lightly bumped his hand against hers, the way she sometimes did when they were walking, trying to ground her the only way he could. He wanted to pull her into a hug, to feel her soft, warm body against his, but he knew that would be crossing a line.

The bit of contact seemed to do the trick, though, her gaze focusing on him again as she smiled once more.

It didn't quite reach her eyes.

***

It was approaching three weeks since Lelia's escape from Andrew, and a little under two since she and Simon had arrived in the abandoned town, when they finally located a map.

It was in the house Ghost had chosen for them to stay in that night. There was a study, nearly untouched, and Lelia had taken the opportunity to explore the packed bookshelves. She missed her own collection very much—she hadn’t been allowed to bring it with her, once she’d gotten married. The only book she’d been able to sneak away was the hand-bound collection of Russian poetry her governess, Ulyana, had given her years ago. The stern old woman was the only person Lelia had confessed her love of poetry to. Ulyana had scoffed and called her a fool girl, but that was just how she was, so she didn’t take it too personally. Especially when she found the book on her nightstand a few days later.

Lelia still had it, kept tucked carefully in her pocket at all times. It had become a notebook, of sorts, where she wrote all her own poems, as well as copied down some of her favorite English ones. But it was more than that. It was the only evidence she had that someone had ever truly cared about her.

Ulyana hadn’t loved her, Lelia knew that. She would have rather been with her own family, raising her own children back in Russia. Lelia didn't understand that when she was little, but she did now. Even still, Ulyana had been more of a mother to her than Lelia’s own.

Lelia shook herself from her thoughts, peeking up from her new copy of Pride & Prejudice to look at Simon. He was standing at the desk, the map spread out in front of him, growling quietly to himself. She was familiar enough with his array of noises by now to know that he was frustrated.

“Is everything okay?” She asked softly. Simon’s head jerked up, jaw wobbling, and then his gaze darted away, his shoulders hunching slightly. Her brows furrowed in concern, and she stood up from the cozy office chair she’d curled up in, setting aside her book and crossing over to him. She laid a hand on his forearm, trying to get him to look at her again. “What’s wrong?”

To her surprise, Simon pulled away. He never pulled away from her touch—seemed to crave it, in fact, if the way his eyes slipped closed and he got all relaxed whenever she brushed his teeth was any indication—and she figured it was because he was relieved he wasn’t alone anymore. She didn’t know how long he’d been a conscious zombie, but any time spent as one had to have been hell. So when she’d noticed the way he always leaned into her hands when she cleaned him, she’d made a conscious effort to initiate more contact between them. Nothing too big—just a brush of their hands here or grabbing his arm to get his attention there—but little gestures that she hoped reminded him that he wasn’t alone anymore.

So the fact that he was denying himself the comfort he so clearly got from it? She knew something must really be bothering him.

“Simon,” she said, quiet but firm. “Talk to me.”

Simon looked back at her sharply, growling as he gestured at his broken jaw. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised a brow at him. He knew what she’d meant. They’d gotten quite adept at communicating without speaking, over the last few weeks.

Her zombie glared at her for a moment longer before grumbling in defeat and shoving the map away from him, wordlessly naming it as the problem. She frowned, bringing it back towards them and smoothing it out as she began to guess at the specifics.

“Is the map of the wrong area?” She asked. Simon shook his head. She tried again.

“Is it outdated?” Another head shake.

“Are you having trouble reading it?”

A long pause, and then Simon nodded, avoiding looking at her. It took a moment for her to recognize the emotion in his lowered gaze, the tightness around his eyes and the hunch of his shoulders. Shame.

“I have a hard time reading maps too,” she said, quick to reassure him, hating that he was feeling down about himself. He’d done so much for her—he was the reason she was alive. She was beyond grateful for him. “Even Google maps. I always ended up lost when I tried to use it.”

Her words seemed to have the opposite of their intended effect, though, as he just grew more agitated, stomping away from the desk and lashing out. He punched one of the bookshelves with a terrifying growl, cracking the wood and sending several flying to the ground. Lelia let out an alarmed noise, flinching violently as she instinctively stepped back and raised her arms to protect her head. Andrew had stopped caring about not hitting her face not long after the world ended. There was no need to keep up appearances anymore, after all.

But no angry blows came her way, and after a moment, she looked up to find Simon sitting on the ground, staring at an open book, jaw quivering where it hung as he tried and failed to speak the words in front of him, the only sounds escaping him being choked off gurgles. Slowly, hesitantly, Lelia approached. As she drew closer, she noticed the minute trembling of his shoulders, and the tremor in his hands as his fingers traced the letters of the first word on the page, over and over again. Lelia realized two things in that moment.

Simon wasn’t having trouble reading the map. He couldn’t read the map. He couldn’t read.

And, much more importantly to her, he was crying.

His cloudy eyes were bone dry, but the noises he made and the way he shook was hauntingly familiar. Lelia’s heart broke, and she lowered herself down beside him before wrapping her arms around him.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, hugging him tightly. He dropped the book and turned towards her, his own large arms encircling her waist as he buried his face in her neck. Perhaps she should have been afraid. He was a zombie, and although he’d not eaten her yet, he’d admitted to thinking about it when he got hungry—and he hadn’t hunted in a few days, now. Yet she pulled him close, perfectly poised to take a chunk out her neck and feast on her flesh as she bled out. But Simon was crying, and what kind of friend would she be if she didn’t try to comfort him, after everything he’d done for her?

Lelia wasn’t sure how long she held Simon, petting his hair soothingly as he fell apart in her arms. Long enough that her body grew stiff, her bum aching from sitting on the hardwood floor. Long enough that the sun had set entirely, leaving the room in total darkness. Long enough that drool had gathered in her zombie’s mouth and dribbled out, wetting her skin and the collar of her shirt. A little even dripped inside, down her chest.

She didn’t care about any of that. All that mattered to her was being there for Simon when he needed her, like he was always there for her.

Finally, Simon sniffed deeply and then quickly pulled away, letting go of her and moving back, putting space between them. She let him, but only because she recognized the sniff as a sign that she was starting to look a little too tasty to him. He, on the other hand, looked embarrassed, and he actually groaned and buried his face in his hands when he noticed the dark splotch on her shirt. It was an entirely human gesture, and she felt her heart squeeze in her chest. Not for the first time, she found herself wondering what Simon had looked like before, back when he was alive…

“I know you need to go find something to eat,” she spoke, shaking the thought from her mind.  “So we’ll figure out the map in the morning, alright? Between the two of us, we should be able to find a way to make sense of it.”

She smiled at him when he looked up at her, and had to resist the urge to hug him again. He still looked so unsure, like a little boy afraid of being rejected—it was a jarring expression on him. Simon always knew what to do, and was always so confident about it, too. She’d seen him scare off dozens of zombies and rip apart just as many without blinking an eye. And yet here and now, in front of no one but her, he was scared. He was vulnerable.

She felt honored that he was showing that part of him to her.

“Goodnight, Simon,” she said quietly, standing up and brushing her fingers against his shoulder as she passed him, unable to help herself. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And then she was gone, leaving the study and disappearing into the room she’d chosen for the night.

[nugromancer]

Veilguard Photodump (Spoiler Edition)

End Game Spoilers (mostly me gushing ab art direction (￣y▽,￣)╭ ) under the cut

I can't get over how stunning the light and colour design is in this game. Funniest thing I noticed was that, while treading through any area, there were a lot of very obvious "Photo Opportunities" where the map designer was like Hey. Hey. Come over here for this little bit of treasure haha. Oooohhh but maybe you can take a moment to enjoy the view? (we worked so hard on it please look pleasepleapspslelpeas) And it's banger after banger of beautiful scenery!

I want to get on this level where I can convey something so gd big. It's much more obvious how massive a Titan is when Rook is in frame, but even without, that's a big lad!!! Huge sucker for a good cloud cap that lets the sun peak through. Literal Silver Lining.

This shot from the end of the Corruption questline (and if you complete the Dreadwolf's Memories + Convince Mythal to help) is great. Like our lady's dragon form is beautifully lit, she's got a spotlight and everything!! And it looks natural. It looks like the sun managed to poke through the blight on this one place.

Also allow me to giggle and kick my feet because not only does Dragon!Mythal's design FUCK (look at that tri-crown horn formation like YEEESSSSSS THAT'S MY BITCH!!!!)

She's also PINK AND PURPLE?? LIKE HELLO??? The lighting is absolutely saturating her scales (plus she's breathing lightning, which glows violet/blue, adding to the effect) so it's brighter than it probably is. But what a fantastic coloration none-the-less!!

End-game Arc doesn't fuck around either. The gold ring from the eclipse against that eye-searing magenta is just. Augh. Ough. Foreboding has never looked so damn pretty.

(Also this general area is one of my favourite places in the Lighthouse. The lighting is just so on point. I have a dozen other photos of this section bc I always stop to admire it lmao.)

That magenta is striking. You'd expect it to be solid red across the board! But once we're in the "real" world we get those warmer tones you would normally associate with this sort of thing... But now that I think ab it, it's probably from the amount of smoke rising from the antaam encampment. The Crossroads don't have pollution! Of course it'd be more jewel-toned! I wonder what our sunsets would look like if there was less of that. Sigh. Anyways--

The Regret Prison. Probably my favourite sequence in the game. Yes I love colour, but let's not forget CONTRAST.

It's soooo easy it end up with a horrible clashing of shapes if you don't balance contrast. So you gotta Contrast the Contrast... by reducing the Contrast. Yes there's depth-of-field shenanigans (making lines blur the farther from the viewpoint they are) but there's also mist/dust/atmosphere. I love this shit.

Not to mention that subtle introduction of colour by incorporating greenery (still heavily desaturated, as to not be glaring/distracting) as you make your way through the map. Like. The starting area was desolate and devoid of life. Any plants you saw were dead. Bare-bone roots. But as your proceed you find Life scattered around. Hope.

I didn't get a proper shot/video clip of the end sequence for this quest, where you're walking across a barren expanse and can see the ritual sight erect itself piece by piece in the distance as you get closer. That sequence knocked me out it was so fucking good!!! To the person(s) who all made that happen, I'm sending them a big sloppy kiss on the cheek it was so elegantly executed. <333

Anyways I feel like I said a lot without saying anything at all but hopefully this was somewhat interesting to someone thank you for coming to my TEDtalk <3

[peachhcs]

catching you up → social media post

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

a few posts from samy, will, and mack after the san jose trip!

all pics are from instagram, pinterest, or tumblr. as u guys know i love doing these kinds of posts, so i decided to compile one about samy's recent trip to san jose and just some recents lately :)

au masterlist

samyhughes lotsss of complaints that will wasn’t in my last post, so i made sure to include him! thanks for having me in sj <3

view all comments

hannahduke my beautiful amazing roommate u look so stunning wow

| samyhughes i love youuu

user1 WOW she’s so stunning omg

user2 WANT that dress

user3 this is so adorable

edwards.73 good stuff hughesy

| samyhughes 😌😌

markestapa ooh how aesthetically pleasing

| samyhughes i really tried this time 🙌

jackhughes sooo like when u coming to nj?? been to the west coast twice now and not to the east coast 😔

| samyhughes dawg u really typed that while i’m sitting right next to u 😒

| jackhughes doesn’t make my comment any less valid tho

lhughes_06 rowdy’s got a point when u coming to nj??!?

| samyhughes when u invite me🤨

user4 i love their relationship it’s so cutie

teddystiga_ …still not enough will. he deserves more than 2 photos 💔

| samyhughes i guess nothing i do is good enough

jameshagens_4 4+4 =8

| samyhughes who taught u that??🤨

| jameshagens_4 myself

mackcelebrini where is my feature?? i spent like 93.4% of the weekend with u

| samyhughes sorry mack🥲

beckettsennecke_ soo good seeing u this weekend!

| samyhughes right back at ya beck :)

_quinnhughes west coast but no visit to van 😕

| samyhughes next time i’ll make pencil u into my schedule

user5 i wanna be her so bad omg

user6 mack and beckett’s comments are so cute aww

ryan.leno_4 justice for will he deserves more photos

| samyhughes so the whole post should just be will ig

michaelhagens_11 run it to boston soon?

| samyhughes omw!

zeevbuium28 @_willsmith2 u pulled fr

| _willsmith2 i totally did😍

kayleighdocherty_ wow so gorg samy!!!

| samyhughes by bae😍😍

gabeperreault44 glad u finally included will this time

| samyhughes glad u approve

aram_minnetian MY MAN MADE THE CUT🙌🙌

| samyhughes won’t make that mistake again

julianne_gelinas soo hot wow wanna be u

| samyhughes i wanna be u actually

drewf2 can u bring us to sj next time?

| samyhughes for sure for sure

rutgermcgroarty yuh san jose!

| samyhughes yuh!

olivianmorriss sooo pretty samy obsessed with u

| samyhughes omg i’m obsessed w u girl

user7 aww the hockey gfs in the comments r so cutie

user8 these genes popped off fr phew

danielle_minnetian HOTTTTTT

| samyhughes 😻😻😻

samanthaminnetian my name twin is so gorg

| samyhughes no ur gorg sam

graceccsmith aww love these samy!

| samyhughes miss u grace🥲

nick_moldenhauer wow good views pic 4

| samyhughes ikrrrr

_willsmith2 loveeeed getting to see u this weekend i wanna do it all over again ❤️

_willsmith2 i already miss u fuck

| samyhughes i miss u sm babe ❤️❤️ wish we could hang out forever

_willsmith2 sj you’ve been really good to me so far

view all comments

gabeperreault44 FIRST AGAIN

gabeperreault44 miss u buddy

gabeperreault44 holy shit pic 4?!

gabeperreault44 this is insane contract posting if it is wow

| _willsmith2 i see ur keeping up with the 4 comments in a row

| _willsmith2 what? just some things that’s been really good recently ☺️

ryan.leno_4 oh my god i don’t have words actually

ryan.leno_4 ur insane for this smitty

| _willsmith2 insane for what?

user1 they are the hottest couple and they know it too

user2 will smith posting more revealing pics of his gf each post was not on my bingo card but i am here for it

user3 he’s so real for this u know hell yeah. he’s gotta make sure everyone knows who’s girl is his😌

user4 honestly i’d take this kind of man over anything else

mackcelebrini WOO featured!!!! also ur so whipped wow

| _willsmith2 wouldn’t ever forget u mack😍

drewf2 i respect it honestly

rutgermcgroarty now THIS is the kind of contract posting i like to see

| _willsmith2 mhmm

zeevbuium28 will i stood up and applauded for u

| _willsmith2 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

jameshagen_4 no one’s commenting about ur last pic abt ur first nhl goals so i will u killed it smitty🙌

| _willsmith2 wow thanks james i appreciate it

michaelhagens_11 good shit

aram_minnetian yupppp and i’d show it off too tbh

danielle_minnetian @samyhughes u won

| julianne_gelinas deadass wow

| samyhughes ☺️☺️

eamonpowell_ congrats on the nhl goals!!!

| _willsmith2 thanks e!!

user5 i loveee seeing everyone comment about something different

user6 whooo trained him this well wow he’s the only hockey bf i know who really loves his gf

jackhughes first of all crazy set of photos second of all congrats on those nhl goals bud

| _willsmith2 thank ya j hughes

lhughes_06 everything we ever talked about went out the window

| _willsmith2 i’m sorry luke🥲

thombordeleau_ ur crazy w-2 but i appreciate the pics

| _willsmith2 always providing

eklund_72 tell me again how one can achieve this?

| _willsmith2 honestly idk just be friends with her for years

fabianzetterlund love ya w2

| _willsmith2 back at ya

tofff73 i already have no words. maybe we need to work on the media training again 🤨

| _willsmith2 apologizes ty😔

samyhughes wow i love you

samyhughes obsessed with everything about you

| _willsmith2 i’m in love with you and obsessed with every part of you too

jacob_fowler24 applauding u smitty

| _willsmith2 thank u fowler 🙏

hannahduke wow she trained u so well omg

| julianne_gelinas i've been sayinggg this how does she do it??

| samanthaminnetian deadass tho like..how did she train him this good??

| samyhughes i wish i had an answer he lowkey does this all on his own..

| hannahduke yeah u totally won then

mackcelebrini sj recents

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eklund_72 wow i'm honored to be featured on the 1st overall draft pick's instagram

| mackcelebrini ofc eklund

beckettsennecke_ superrr tough celly

| mackcelebrini thanks sennecke

thombordeleau_ yeahhh he bad 🔥

| mackcelebrini 🔥

user1 aww smitty is in all of these pics

user2 the fact that all of these have will in them is adorable they're so baby

fabianzetterlund good times

| mackcelebrini 100%

tofff73 great season so far celly

| mackcelebrini thanks toff means a lot coming from u

gabeperreault44 i think we should unite forces and be samy's competition for will's attention

| mackcelebrini i'm actually so glad u said that bc i 100% agree

| samyhughes HEY

ryan.leno_4 hell yeah celebrini congrats on the season so far

| mackcelebrini thanks leno

lhughes_06 lookng gooddd

| mackcelebrini 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

jackhughes threads are awesome

| mackcelebrini wow what a compliment from THE jack hughes

user3 these friendships are so adorable omg

user4 i keep saying how badly i want to be a part of their friend group

hannahduke so cool macklin celebrini the 1st overall pick of the 2024 draft!

| mackcelebrini thanks hannah duke the younger sister of dylan duke and twin to tyler duke!

| tyler___duke crazy pull

samyhughes wow ur so cool macklin!

| mackcelebrini thanks samy!

rutgermcgroarty @samyhughes u got some competition girl..

| samyhughes i see..

| mackcelebrini yeah take that i get to see will 24/7

_willsmith2 wow so honored to be featured all 3 times

_willsmith2 as much as i love the support my girlfriend is and always will be my #1 but you are a very close 2nd

| mackcelebrini damn that hurts after everything i've done for u...