#but at the same time id rather die

[soggypotatoes]

I keep feeling this yearning lately, this tight feeling inside me all the time esp when I'm trying to sleep, an intense sad feeling that nothing I do makes better and I think I'm just yearning for comfort. for someone to talk to me and touch me and look after me a bit. it's just been so long, and I've never let myself experience.. actually can't remember a single time in my life I've let myself experience being comforted lol. every time someone tries I get so tense and anxious and I have to get out of it

[just-spacetrash]

😦

[bunnyb34r]

Also I think I'm literally allergic to my tears lmaoo

Apparently other people don't get rashes where their tears fall? Like not like irritated skin from wiping, I mean like it drips on your neck and your neck gets red

And like other people don't feel like the salinity of their tears is burning their skin?? Wild WHEGEGEGGD

[faaun]

if i had an allergic reaction again will my friend appear to hold my hand again if i get really drunk again will they carry me home if i'm too sick to get up will she call me at 5 AM to check up again if we've missed a flight and we're stuck in city we weren't meant to be in at 2AM will he tell me about philosophy again if i make bad decisions will she almost slap me in the face and hand me a cigarette again if i feel lost will she share shitty kebab and tell me about her life again will we get to play poker together again

[gattmammon]

My mother like "why dont you go to a nutritionist" I'm not paying 100 euros out of pocket to go get scolded like a child by some thin italian equivalent of a former high school mean girl who still thinks carbs are the devil thank you

[solarwoniii]

uhm so uhm uhmumhumhmummhm when a guy randomly hugs you what does it mean

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

knew id break down properly eventually but wasnt planning on doing it on the floor in my mothers bedroom bc i didnt wanna walk the dogs lol

[dullahandyke]

coming to the realisation that i can buy whatever i want to look however i want. insane

[awkwardexxodus]

i WISH people would stop treating me like a stupid little child for [checks notes] refusing to make my life more miserable for the sake of a 'more comfortable' life under capitalism

[goodtimeswithgrian]

something got into me and i started planning out a fic I'll probably never end up writing. what.

[nerdie-faerie]

The audacity of my mum to ask if I've tried a new meal yet as if I would ever try a new meal for anything less than the pain of death

[madwickedawesome]

sometimes im just chillin and then i remember a 12 year old followed me once and they had so much personal info on their acc and it scares the shit out of me🙁

[snekdood]

i think ppl were hoping me becoming poor would make me as bitter as they are but... nah

[vamptastic]

now that i know abt my blood sugar problems i'm thinking back to times as a kid (post-puberty cos it's from the pcos) and it's like ohh this may have been a problem for years. i used to throw up every time i drank an artificial cherry flavored drink and thinking back it wasn't actually every time and i'm guessing it may have been just that i rarely drank or ate things high in sugar so the few cherry-related incidents were hypoglycemia that i formed a false correlation around. i also get sick every time i take a plane ride, like almost immediately upon arriving at my destination or towards the end of the flight, and i think while some of it has just been genuinely being ill from my ass immune system it definitely could also be hypoglycemia from not sleeping or eating enough in advance of or when traveling. i also got into the habit of drinking something with ginger when nauseous which is usually ginger ale bc it's easier than brewing tes and while ginger does just generally help for nausea those bouts of random nausea could definitely be blood sugar and the soda would obviously help with that.

idk it's tough bc i only got tested for this once when i was 13, and they were mostly looking for thyroid problems and only incidentally tested for diabetes/insulin resistance markers, until my shit started getting bad around 17 and i finally got thorough testing. i also wonder if it was worse a year or so before the testing because i went on birth control the year before and with the PCOS being the main cause that could've helped with my blood sugar levels. i don't have enough data and what i do have i don't really know what it means other than that i probably will get diabetes if i don't actively try not to.

just looking back i started getting random spells of dizziness and nausea and hot flashes around age 11 with it progressively getting worse till i started dealing with it around 16 and i wonder if a lot of that illness wasn't from the underlying issue ive had the whole time. some of it was definitely hormones but i think i may have basically just been attributing it all to anything But hypoglycemia because the thought that i could have something as serious as diabetes wasn't even on my radar and i wasn't tracking anything in relation to when i was eating.

like diabetes is a slow process of the pancreas failing, right? i'm oversimplifying but like over time your body stops responding to and/or producing insulin properly. and mine already doesn't respond to insulin properly but just not to an extent where my body is fully incapable of producing and using insulin without external insulin pills/injections. and idk where that puts me in terms of am i or am i not diabetic and should i be dieting like a diabetic person and trying to manage my blood sugar like one or will that just make it worse.

[sotogalmo]

3:47 am

Tosses you Teruya Otori Flor, and (a2) Yuki Maeda Sebastian

[inmirova]

"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(