#idk how we are capable of this but our capacity for loss is so insane | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

faaun · 8 months ago

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if i had an allergic reaction again will my friend appear to hold my hand again if i get really drunk again will they carry me home if i'm too sick to get up will she call me at 5 AM to check up again if we've missed a flight and we're stuck in city we weren't meant to be in at 2AM will he tell me about philosophy again if i make bad decisions will she almost slap me in the face and hand me a cigarette again if i feel lost will she share shitty kebab and tell me about her life again will we get to play poker together again

#will he text me for advice about girls again #will she let me walk her home and tell me about her love life again #will she bleach my hair again will she cut my hair again will he teach me about jets and airplanes and the armories in his school again #will she tell me about the bell jar will she write music about me will they braid my hair in a hot summer again #will he walk next to me and tell me about how he wants to become an art curator? will he almost fall into a canal?#will she tell me to bite on a menthol cigarette again #will i get to see them smile again #i know we grow around memories and you never get over a person you lost really you just grow into and around the space they left behind #but theres just a lot of space #will i ever be big enough for everyone i ever loved #carrying memoried is so insane like what a monumental task #(id rather die than not carry them at all though maybe that's the same thing twice)#welcome to london paddington . etc etc #my friend cooked for me when i was too overtaken by heartache to do it myself. yesterday she put a blanket on me without me asking #if i lose her one day how will i carry that #idk how we are capable of this but our capacity for loss is so insane #anyway #time to stop grieving in advance #bye time to get off the train

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