#but at least my kitchen's clean

[raevenlywrites]

Thought I was gonna do some tarot write ups today but instead I cleaned my whole house whoops XD

[hms-incorrect-quotes]

Heart: You don’t need to complain about my murder attempt when you’re reviewing a FUCKING CANDLE.

Mind [making no attempt to hide his giggling]: No, I think he does actually.

[nguyenfinity]

She’d stay with them while visiting I think

Bonus:

[why-the-heck-not]

29.06.23, thursday

I had a presentation today, and there's nothing (and I mean nothing) I hate more than those, so as a treat I made the rest of the day real cozy. Baked bread & listened to podcast while cleaning my apartment; good chill times

[orcelito]

Several months late, the landlord finally picked up the dehumidifier from my kitchen

Would've been nice had I been told they were coming though 💀 so I could've cleaned up the grocery bags on the floor that I hadn't put away yet 💀💀💀💀💀

[tethered-heartstrings]

dishwashers and washing machines and dryers take an hour+ a cycle is kind of fucked up for people who have very little motivation/energy and get things done by random and intense spurts of energy where any down/sitting/waiting time will axe the momentum at the throat

[whizpurr]

[kyouka-supremacy]

Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)

[lvstharmony]

i always underestimate the time it takes to make sarma………

[bitchcake]

cry at work cry at home cry in the shower cry in the kitchen cry outside cry in my bed cry in my sleep cry on the toilet cry doing my makeup cry cry cry cry cry

[paskariu]

TIL you have to clean washing machines. Post made by Oh My God-gang

[maybeophe]

My boba cup split in the uber driver's bag and half of it spilt out everywhere so now I have half a drink's worth of strawberry boba tea sitting in a pint glass AND the uber driver's gonna have to purge the strawberry milk out of his delivery bag.

Absolute carnage.

[home-and-having-tea]

Me when my roommate (The Roommate) is out of the country for a wedding so I dont have to clean up her messes ALL WEEK (‼️) and cleaning the kitchen tonight took more or less one minute instead of somewhere around 45 minutes

[twinksintrees]

atsushi nakajima the kind of guy who hates the way sour cream smells, it makes him want to hurl

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[halinski]

easily finding the strength to rearrange the room before ever finding the energy to tidy up the kitchen 💀 💀 💀