#but at least im leveling the scales
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doing my part to combat the constant twinkification of this middle aged man
#to which i have also contributed#but at least im leveling the scales#yes i did just steal david wains face for him#art#digital art#fanart#superjail#the warden#superjail warden
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mithrun thought of his lover as someone who's "untrustworthy". he looked down at her too, if this is anything to go by
she's a naga for ALL panels she's in with mithrun--you'd think if he wanted her to feel real, she'd atleast have been a doppelganger or something but she's been a chimera for most of the times we've seen her. mithrun's been dungeon lord for 5 years of his life, and his supposed lover has been a chimera for . probably all of it.
also consider: kabru is spinning the narrative about mithrun's time as a dungeon lord into something Laios can comprehend. i think that's critical. kabru says “his life in the dungeon couldn't have been happier” and i think he's being literal. there's little happiness in living in a lie, and personally—mithrun's expression here is pretty telling
is this anything
#like i genuinely don't think he loved her as much as fanon is making it out to be#i really think. and stay with me. that he only wanted her to be His so that his brother doesnt get to have her#misiril said his dungeon reeked of his complexes so thats where im going with this#<- not verbatim#dungeon meshi#mithrun#at most mithrun never loved his ex at least he's never loved someone without his complex getting in the mix#at the VERY least mithrun was (mentally) unstable. in canary scale he'd already be at dungeon level 4 from the start with his naga lover#feel free to add anything to this or counter it even! i may have missed something but this is just how i interpreted it all#would this count as a character study . idek
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(frantically googling) where can i special order drawing paper thats at least 6 feet in both directions
#what do i need big paper for? great question#where will i store a piece of paper thats at least 6 feet tall? EVEN BETTER QUESTION#upper level studio arts classes will have you saying shit like 'yeah im engaging with scale this semester'#'yeah ive been really into the relationship between the body and the surface and i think large scale is the way to go about it'#ASK ME ABOUT MY DRAWING PRACTICE PLEASE
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playing warlock got me having a toxic codependent relationship with eldricht blast
#bg3 liveblogging#baldur's gate 3#this is a hidden momento polemica post because WHYYYY DO WARLOCKS HAVE SO LITTLE SPELL CHOICE#AND SO LITTLE SPELL SLOTS#OF COURSE IM GONNA DO ELDRITCH BLAST EVERY ROUND#I CAN SHOOT GUN THRICE AND IT SCALES ON CHAR#AND NO SPELL SLOT#i just get sad everytime i level up gale and ohhhhh all shiny spells with big aoe damage#and then me and wyll eating BREADCUMBS#crumbs#at least i got both levi and wyll path of the blade or whatever so at least i can do melee damage with that. at least😭#anyway its me wyll and eldritch blast against the world
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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Mars ref done WOOO!! honestly didn't think i was gonna get hers done anytime soon, so im stoked to be happy with this at last
#my art#my ocs#digital art#character design#procreate#oc: marcilla tucker#os: handle with care#humaniod oc#artists on tumblr#orignal character#reference sheet#original character art#mars my beloved ♥️#ive tried so many times to find a way to draw her scales that Looks Good#but at least this is sorta there?#i dont expect that ill draw them this way forever but im with where it is wrt my skill level rn#also its me and my gfs 9 year anniversary today hehehe#very good and happy time
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Guys... the world's sourest candies from that video cost less than $5
The only thing that's holding me back right now is the fact that they're currently out of stock
#the description also says theyre sour sweets which is good#i was worried they would just cheap out on the sour by making it super bitter with no sweetness#but nah it specifically says its sweet as well and thats what im about#just bc something is super sour doesnt mean it needs to taste bad#and making something taste really bad and bitter is just a shortcut to hide the fact that its not actually sour#im rambling now but. god i fucking wanna try the worlds sourest candy#i bet i could do it. i need to know what its like to go even further beyond#rambling#edit: theyve got a bunch of different flavors of varying levels of sour apparently#and theyve got a sour scale pack where you can get two of each and theres a chart on the back ranking them from least to most sour#so you can try all of them and find out how hogh your tolerance goes#it is ALSO UNDER $5#i am vibrating in my fucking seat right now if this shit wasnt out of stock i would be a dead man
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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I am still not over the level cap thing what do you mean level fucking 10
#rat rambles#like do they not realize how fucking pathetically low that is?#like it is So easy to get a follower to level 10 especially late game#like in every playthrough of this game Ive done I always have at least one follower whos past level 40 usually several#Im glad they didnt retroactively lower existing followers levels but it still sucks#it just makes leveling them feel kind of pointless when theyre likely going to passively max out after a certain point anyways#like genuinely I dont even understand what the point of this change is#because its not like getting broke. high level followers is much of a concern early game#and mid game is usually only a potential issue balance wise if youve been putting in a stupid amount of effort since the start#and by the time you get to the late game I. genuinely dont think it matters.#like in early late game again youll only have genuinely broken high levels if youve been going hard at leveling followers#and by the end of the late game its like ok and. let ppl be powerful cmon man.#like theres So many things they could have done to adjust the balancing that wasnt this#like if theyre concerned abt faith generation then make a cap on that or make it not a one to one level thing#if theyre concerned about demons then they could again adjust the scaling slightly or simply make it harder to level followers#they could have even used the deciple thing to help with that by having it be a prerequisite to higher levels#like maybe you could have a couple rings of inner circles with each tier unlocking another ten levels#and they could even add a lower cap at like 50 or smth just dont make it fucking 10#that might genuinely be the worst part of this update and Im not even joking when I say this just killed my motivation to play more#its one of the few things that you were able to keep working on and expanding after unlocking everything else#I genuinely really hope they change this because if not then I think Ill have to drop the game thats how bad it is to me
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Quick doodle of Jonny! Might change his eyes a bit but overall I think this is a fine design for him :3
#keese draws#oc posting#oc art#oc#ocs#furry#furry art#furry oc#benifits of making ur dnd character a tabaxi; get to add furry tag to art#but ya I mainly am just thinking I wanna make the red less in your face since I dont want him to look agressively unatural#also I will never draw my characters in tbe armor theyre supposed to be in I would simply die#like you cannot expect me to actually draw scale mail dhdjdhmdh#but ya Im gonna have to wait until our session zero to properly make his character sheet but I have my ideas at least#still not a clue what feat Id chose if we get a free feat again tho#like I feel like I should chose smth to make him more tanky since hes gonna have to be the party tank but idk#currently he should be able to have an ac of 18 until I can be able to use two handed weapons with charisma#and I can ofc take some spells to give me extra ac#but my main issue with that is that most shielding spells dont scale with level so it will eventually feel like quite the waste
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Poly Styrene and I would have had some good conversations
#Im sorry if I’m like romanticizing a real persons very real issues with mental illness#a dead person nonetheless#I mean no disrespect to her in fact I have so so much respect for her on so many levels#but when I read about her like. breakdown. over everything being plastic and marketable#all of that#and when I see how it’s all reflected in her lyrics#that’s how I feel too#like I really get the feeling I think I understand at least on some level what she was experiencing#I mean obviously not completely. I don’t have her trauma im not bipolar I’m living in 2023 not the 70s#but still to a certain degree#I mean I think everyone must feel like this at least a bit#we’re watching our own species bring about our demise on a world scale in real time and are completely helpless#and are both victims of it and participants#sometimes opal says stuff
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Honestly, if the boiling point of water at sea level isn't even a clean 100 °C, then what the hell is even the point of arguing?
#my post#it always bothers me when people get into arguments over temp systems and people arguing for celsius say the boiling point of water is 100#like ok: 1) at sea level this claim is off by a few hundredths of a degree c#2) as you go up in elevation and thus decrease air pressure the boiling point decreases too#water boils at 99.3 °C at an elevation of ~215 m and 93.4 °C at 1905 m#at that point you're nowhere close to 100#now of course because the fahrenheit scale is directly tied to the celsius scale by the relation f=9c/5+32 that means the fahrenheit number#are messy too. but this means both scales are messy when it comes to boiling water and thus it's a moot point to bring up#uh anyway to wrap up these tags use whatever system you're most comfortable with. maybe do at least specify though since they both use#degrees. converting between the two systems takes all of 5 seconds and a quick web search. it's not that hard nor inconvenient#ok im done ranting in the tags of my own post 👍#i hope stating these opinions isn't swinging too hard at the hornet's nest. debates around fahrenheit and celsius can get pretty heated
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i just had a very long complicated dream about some very ooc homestuck kids. jade might be rooted in some form of fanon at least but i dunno
#posts#i could b wrong abt jade. i really liked the way she was in this though#she was all the yay happy im jade harley niceness but also like. very self-righteous and impulsive#and very emotional. and stubborn. and protective of people she thought were being treated unfairly#she had an extreme reaction thinking someone was in danger cb of an outburst so she herself had a massive outburst and was panicking until-#-she found out they were okay and alive for now and then switched to just clinging desperately to them and getting very angry at anyone who#didnt show the same level of care and protectiveness for them than she was#like she was fully creating a two sides issue and staunchly choosing a side#and then when it didnt look like things were gona go any better she zapped her and her friend and one person who seemed kinda-#- neutral-positive onto a spaceship to escape as far away as possible#so. that. she was consistently the most easygoing with this random guy my dream isekai'd into the situation. which at times made her an-#-enabler or something bc she prioritized his comfort over any change ever even ones that could have been good for him#johns main part in this Story was he kinda just had an autistic meltdown and then pov guy had a similar situation not long later#on a larger scale and people in general were just even less nice about him because he was older and hadnt grown up there lol#also this dream was very much from random guys pov which was My pov#but it wasnt Me i was just fully some character. anyways#after pov guys massive outburst he runs back home where john is and john is not very sympathetic#he was very much projecting the shame an embarrassment he felt bc even though the people there at least knew him they still werent nice to-#-him either#so it was a ''i know from experience that You should know better than to have needs in public'' type deal#originally rose was there and then my brain switched her out for roxy. im so sorry rose#but either way the lalondechild had such a murky existence and it only solidified into roxy at the end where the confrontation thing was-#happening. with the jade freakout#there was also some Superpower Awakening shit happening? previously mentioned w jade. but john when pov guy came home had a white streak in#his hair and jades went FULLY white when she blew up#so thats cool i guess. her hair went back to normal the next time she was seen on the ship#there was some montage shit going on#anyways. insane fucking dream. can i steal this shit and make ocs.#like i said these kids were pretty ooc. i feel like parts were definitely still rooted in some perception of the characters butttt#its was just one or two small things. idk man all i know is i am thinking so hard about this
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today i return to the sea
#mine#its my last first day of school (until/unless i go to grad school but thats way off if it even happens)#the rest of these tags are all just going to be complaints so keep scrolling if you dont gaf#ok first complaint. my schedule is stupid and awful i think#winters schedule was weird too. but this one kinda sucks#the main problem i see is that both of my main classes are in the middle of the day so theres probably going to be people eating#(i have mis0phon1a)#so thats number 1. 2nd problem is that those classes also have the grading scale where u need at least 95 PERCENT to get an A. girl!#they are also both 400 level spanish classes so theyre just going to be kind of hard and annoying and a lot of work in general#the next problem is that my other class is actually not quite a class it is a teaching practicum. which i didnt even 100% want to do#but the certificate could be useful so im doing it anyway.#one of the guys in that class (i know some of the students already from winter) eats like a hog for like the first 20-30 mins so thats goin#to be miserable i bet. also at some point im gonna have to teach a lesson myself#which is scary and also frustrating because again i didnt even really want to do this. WHATEVER#ok what else. ummmmm#oh i think i might be unemployed LOL normally my boss would have done schedule coordination stuff like last week but i havent heard from he#at all. this is because we are government funded and the government does not want to fund us anymore -_- suck my balls#and my hog too. so money is going to be a concern which is especially awesome because ive already been trying to save up#becaues im moving out this year hopefully so im gonna need $ for that and for probably upgrades like i might get a new phone and computer#and stuff etc. and i live in an HCOL area so even though i literally just buy groceries my bill is like $294358939358/month#SIGH. also of course the final problem on the list is the behemoth of them all: i have to apply for jobs#i made a little spreadsheet to hopefully make the process easier. but its going to be agony lol fucking resumes and cover letters how about#i just kill myself now -_- and fucking interviews too. fuuuuuck you suck my nuts and dick and balls#i dont know how im going to cope iwth any of this LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and also as usual i have like no friends so its just me going it alo#alone* in this big awful spring. 2 and a half months of this.#i suppose i will need to go back to the dispensary.#fuuuuuuuuuck man
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La'zel And Gale Have Good Personal Quests, You Just Don't Like Them As Much As Asterion Or Shadowheart Or Wyll And That Makes Me Sad, Frankly
Every Time You Complain About How Mean La'ezel And Shadowheart Are, I Become More Sapphic And Spitefully In Love With Them Both
#the sheepy speaks#also not putting this in the main tag#but i will be tag rambling and some of em will be bg3 early access spoilers#spoilers in later tags sorry#laezel is by and large the least mean gith#the way that she endlessly devotes herself to vlakith is so inspiring#(vlakith the lich queen ruler of the githyanki who has an accord with tiamat which is why kithrak ride red dragons btw if you even care)#the kithrak and other githyanki you find if you pursue the creche that whatshistail saw#are so fucking mean to her#you have to persuade her to lie and she has to lie convincingly (passive roll)#for them to not attack you#and when they leave she remarks that theyre not doing vlakiths will#and shes fucking right#meanwhile you have gale#who was wined and dined by mystra#literal goddess of magic and the weave#(though im unsure if this is midnight-mystra or pre-sundering mystra id assume the former if you assume bg3 is post-descent to avernus)#(which i believe it is as zevlor and the tieflings in silvanus's grove are explicitly from elturel)#(and one stole a soul coin so they have to have escaped the hells somehow)#fucking gale got his young academic ego fluffed by the goddess of magic#and didnt take her fickle desires well#so he tried to show off and has a lump of corrupted netherese weave in his body#(which dont even get me started on netheril i fucking love netheril)#if he doesnt eat strong magic every couple days#(starting with a powerful relic and scaling down to rare magic items thank fuck so it gets cheaper lmao)#he will explode with enough force to level baldurs gate#his options are 1. remove the weave and shove it in the astral plane and 2. learn to control it#the former is probably easier than the latter#but the latter might be possible with the absolute#and he encourages you to fucking abandon him if he starts exploding
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it's always such a treat when i hear at work that people are like? happy with what I have done?
like idk where the feeling comes from--that isn't just imposter syndrome--that just genuinely surprises me when people think I have met or exceeded expectations
i spend all this time thinking im a fool, but i had a meeting in the afternoon with my boss and one of the department heads who I am making a new tool for and after we finished showing him the feature and the dept head had left my boss was like "he is never happy did you see how happy you made him"
and im like "????" don't know what to do with this information
i know the real answer is "stop thinking poorly of yourself and the things you do" but because of my other ecosystem of mental tendencies, it genuinely makes me uncomfortable to be too confident in what I do sincerely because I always feel as if that's the time when i'm going to make a fool of myself
#like that feeling extends past my technical skills#like this is a large scale ego thing#where i have to actively keep my ego in check at a moderate or downtrodden level#otherwise i am susceptible to arrogance and condescension and hurtful behaviour because i just assume more about myself than i should#there has never seemed to be a middle ground#just a weird rollercoaster that relies on consistent unsolicited positive reinforcement to keep me confident without making me arrogant#cause if rely on my internal regulation i then end up in the extremes#even though i at least have the presnce of mind to generally ACT as if im still in the middle#example of that is that i still apllied for jobs i wanted to self-reject myself from!#i try to say yes to things i want to say no to#and so it helps! but it does not alleviate the internal rollercoaster#it just moderates the external consequences#and mind you this isnt a sad post!!! ive had a genuinely wonderful day and week at work#it just makes me aware of the rollercoaster because it goes up and down depending on how recently ive had that unsolicited postive reinforc
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