#but at least im leveling the scales
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doing my part to combat the constant twinkification of this middle aged man
#to which i have also contributed#but at least im leveling the scales#yes i did just steal david wains face for him#art#digital art#fanart#superjail#the warden#superjail warden
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mithrun thought of his lover as someone who's "untrustworthy". he looked down at her too, if this is anything to go by
she's a naga for ALL panels she's in with mithrun--you'd think if he wanted her to feel real, she'd atleast have been a doppelganger or something but she's been a chimera for most of the times we've seen her. mithrun's been dungeon lord for 5 years of his life, and his supposed lover has been a chimera for . probably all of it.
also consider: kabru is spinning the narrative about mithrun's time as a dungeon lord into something Laios can comprehend. i think that's critical. kabru says “his life in the dungeon couldn't have been happier” and i think he's being literal. there's little happiness in living in a lie, and personally—mithrun's expression here is pretty telling
is this anything
#like i genuinely don't think he loved her as much as fanon is making it out to be#i really think. and stay with me. that he only wanted her to be His so that his brother doesnt get to have her#misiril said his dungeon reeked of his complexes so thats where im going with this#<- not verbatim#dungeon meshi#mithrun#at most mithrun never loved his ex at least he's never loved someone without his complex getting in the mix#at the VERY least mithrun was (mentally) unstable. in canary scale he'd already be at dungeon level 4 from the start with his naga lover#feel free to add anything to this or counter it even! i may have missed something but this is just how i interpreted it all#would this count as a character study . idek
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i feel like im always talking about my kdj-isms but easily my funniest kim dokja trait is the frequency with which i reread solo leveling
#my emotional support power scaling manhwa <3#its funny because like#most of my favourite media ill practically rewatch (or at least consume some kind of content about) on constant loop#but solo leveling is like. im never thinking about it but every few months im like hmm. i should reread it#and it consumes me for 3 days and then i stop thinking about it again#idk what it is about it. maybe i just need to find more generic power scaling shit to read lmao#orv#biggie tumbles
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(frantically googling) where can i special order drawing paper thats at least 6 feet in both directions
#what do i need big paper for? great question#where will i store a piece of paper thats at least 6 feet tall? EVEN BETTER QUESTION#upper level studio arts classes will have you saying shit like 'yeah im engaging with scale this semester'#'yeah ive been really into the relationship between the body and the surface and i think large scale is the way to go about it'#ASK ME ABOUT MY DRAWING PRACTICE PLEASE
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playing warlock got me having a toxic codependent relationship with eldricht blast
#bg3 liveblogging#baldur's gate 3#this is a hidden momento polemica post because WHYYYY DO WARLOCKS HAVE SO LITTLE SPELL CHOICE#AND SO LITTLE SPELL SLOTS#OF COURSE IM GONNA DO ELDRITCH BLAST EVERY ROUND#I CAN SHOOT GUN THRICE AND IT SCALES ON CHAR#AND NO SPELL SLOT#i just get sad everytime i level up gale and ohhhhh all shiny spells with big aoe damage#and then me and wyll eating BREADCUMBS#crumbs#at least i got both levi and wyll path of the blade or whatever so at least i can do melee damage with that. at least😭#anyway its me wyll and eldritch blast against the world
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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Mars ref done WOOO!! honestly didn't think i was gonna get hers done anytime soon, so im stoked to be happy with this at last
#my art#my ocs#digital art#character design#procreate#oc: marcilla tucker#os: handle with care#humaniod oc#artists on tumblr#orignal character#reference sheet#original character art#mars my beloved ♥️#ive tried so many times to find a way to draw her scales that Looks Good#but at least this is sorta there?#i dont expect that ill draw them this way forever but im with where it is wrt my skill level rn#also its me and my gfs 9 year anniversary today hehehe#very good and happy time
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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I am still not over the level cap thing what do you mean level fucking 10
#rat rambles#like do they not realize how fucking pathetically low that is?#like it is So easy to get a follower to level 10 especially late game#like in every playthrough of this game Ive done I always have at least one follower whos past level 40 usually several#Im glad they didnt retroactively lower existing followers levels but it still sucks#it just makes leveling them feel kind of pointless when theyre likely going to passively max out after a certain point anyways#like genuinely I dont even understand what the point of this change is#because its not like getting broke. high level followers is much of a concern early game#and mid game is usually only a potential issue balance wise if youve been putting in a stupid amount of effort since the start#and by the time you get to the late game I. genuinely dont think it matters.#like in early late game again youll only have genuinely broken high levels if youve been going hard at leveling followers#and by the end of the late game its like ok and. let ppl be powerful cmon man.#like theres So many things they could have done to adjust the balancing that wasnt this#like if theyre concerned abt faith generation then make a cap on that or make it not a one to one level thing#if theyre concerned about demons then they could again adjust the scaling slightly or simply make it harder to level followers#they could have even used the deciple thing to help with that by having it be a prerequisite to higher levels#like maybe you could have a couple rings of inner circles with each tier unlocking another ten levels#and they could even add a lower cap at like 50 or smth just dont make it fucking 10#that might genuinely be the worst part of this update and Im not even joking when I say this just killed my motivation to play more#its one of the few things that you were able to keep working on and expanding after unlocking everything else#I genuinely really hope they change this because if not then I think Ill have to drop the game thats how bad it is to me
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Quick doodle of Jonny! Might change his eyes a bit but overall I think this is a fine design for him :3
#keese draws#oc posting#oc art#oc#ocs#furry#furry art#furry oc#benifits of making ur dnd character a tabaxi; get to add furry tag to art#but ya I mainly am just thinking I wanna make the red less in your face since I dont want him to look agressively unatural#also I will never draw my characters in tbe armor theyre supposed to be in I would simply die#like you cannot expect me to actually draw scale mail dhdjdhmdh#but ya Im gonna have to wait until our session zero to properly make his character sheet but I have my ideas at least#still not a clue what feat Id chose if we get a free feat again tho#like I feel like I should chose smth to make him more tanky since hes gonna have to be the party tank but idk#currently he should be able to have an ac of 18 until I can be able to use two handed weapons with charisma#and I can ofc take some spells to give me extra ac#but my main issue with that is that most shielding spells dont scale with level so it will eventually feel like quite the waste
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Poly Styrene and I would have had some good conversations
#Im sorry if I’m like romanticizing a real persons very real issues with mental illness#a dead person nonetheless#I mean no disrespect to her in fact I have so so much respect for her on so many levels#but when I read about her like. breakdown. over everything being plastic and marketable#all of that#and when I see how it’s all reflected in her lyrics#that’s how I feel too#like I really get the feeling I think I understand at least on some level what she was experiencing#I mean obviously not completely. I don’t have her trauma im not bipolar I’m living in 2023 not the 70s#but still to a certain degree#I mean I think everyone must feel like this at least a bit#we’re watching our own species bring about our demise on a world scale in real time and are completely helpless#and are both victims of it and participants#sometimes opal says stuff
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Honestly, if the boiling point of water at sea level isn't even a clean 100 °C, then what the hell is even the point of arguing?
#my post#it always bothers me when people get into arguments over temp systems and people arguing for celsius say the boiling point of water is 100#like ok: 1) at sea level this claim is off by a few hundredths of a degree c#2) as you go up in elevation and thus decrease air pressure the boiling point decreases too#water boils at 99.3 °C at an elevation of ~215 m and 93.4 °C at 1905 m#at that point you're nowhere close to 100#now of course because the fahrenheit scale is directly tied to the celsius scale by the relation f=9c/5+32 that means the fahrenheit number#are messy too. but this means both scales are messy when it comes to boiling water and thus it's a moot point to bring up#uh anyway to wrap up these tags use whatever system you're most comfortable with. maybe do at least specify though since they both use#degrees. converting between the two systems takes all of 5 seconds and a quick web search. it's not that hard nor inconvenient#ok im done ranting in the tags of my own post 👍#i hope stating these opinions isn't swinging too hard at the hornet's nest. debates around fahrenheit and celsius can get pretty heated
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i just had a very long complicated dream about some very ooc homestuck kids. jade might be rooted in some form of fanon at least but i dunno
#posts#i could b wrong abt jade. i really liked the way she was in this though#she was all the yay happy im jade harley niceness but also like. very self-righteous and impulsive#and very emotional. and stubborn. and protective of people she thought were being treated unfairly#she had an extreme reaction thinking someone was in danger cb of an outburst so she herself had a massive outburst and was panicking until-#-she found out they were okay and alive for now and then switched to just clinging desperately to them and getting very angry at anyone who#didnt show the same level of care and protectiveness for them than she was#like she was fully creating a two sides issue and staunchly choosing a side#and then when it didnt look like things were gona go any better she zapped her and her friend and one person who seemed kinda-#- neutral-positive onto a spaceship to escape as far away as possible#so. that. she was consistently the most easygoing with this random guy my dream isekai'd into the situation. which at times made her an-#-enabler or something bc she prioritized his comfort over any change ever even ones that could have been good for him#johns main part in this Story was he kinda just had an autistic meltdown and then pov guy had a similar situation not long later#on a larger scale and people in general were just even less nice about him because he was older and hadnt grown up there lol#also this dream was very much from random guys pov which was My pov#but it wasnt Me i was just fully some character. anyways#after pov guys massive outburst he runs back home where john is and john is not very sympathetic#he was very much projecting the shame an embarrassment he felt bc even though the people there at least knew him they still werent nice to-#-him either#so it was a ''i know from experience that You should know better than to have needs in public'' type deal#originally rose was there and then my brain switched her out for roxy. im so sorry rose#but either way the lalondechild had such a murky existence and it only solidified into roxy at the end where the confrontation thing was-#happening. with the jade freakout#there was also some Superpower Awakening shit happening? previously mentioned w jade. but john when pov guy came home had a white streak in#his hair and jades went FULLY white when she blew up#so thats cool i guess. her hair went back to normal the next time she was seen on the ship#there was some montage shit going on#anyways. insane fucking dream. can i steal this shit and make ocs.#like i said these kids were pretty ooc. i feel like parts were definitely still rooted in some perception of the characters butttt#its was just one or two small things. idk man all i know is i am thinking so hard about this
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La'zel And Gale Have Good Personal Quests, You Just Don't Like Them As Much As Asterion Or Shadowheart Or Wyll And That Makes Me Sad, Frankly
Every Time You Complain About How Mean La'ezel And Shadowheart Are, I Become More Sapphic And Spitefully In Love With Them Both
#the sheepy speaks#also not putting this in the main tag#but i will be tag rambling and some of em will be bg3 early access spoilers#spoilers in later tags sorry#laezel is by and large the least mean gith#the way that she endlessly devotes herself to vlakith is so inspiring#(vlakith the lich queen ruler of the githyanki who has an accord with tiamat which is why kithrak ride red dragons btw if you even care)#the kithrak and other githyanki you find if you pursue the creche that whatshistail saw#are so fucking mean to her#you have to persuade her to lie and she has to lie convincingly (passive roll)#for them to not attack you#and when they leave she remarks that theyre not doing vlakiths will#and shes fucking right#meanwhile you have gale#who was wined and dined by mystra#literal goddess of magic and the weave#(though im unsure if this is midnight-mystra or pre-sundering mystra id assume the former if you assume bg3 is post-descent to avernus)#(which i believe it is as zevlor and the tieflings in silvanus's grove are explicitly from elturel)#(and one stole a soul coin so they have to have escaped the hells somehow)#fucking gale got his young academic ego fluffed by the goddess of magic#and didnt take her fickle desires well#so he tried to show off and has a lump of corrupted netherese weave in his body#(which dont even get me started on netheril i fucking love netheril)#if he doesnt eat strong magic every couple days#(starting with a powerful relic and scaling down to rare magic items thank fuck so it gets cheaper lmao)#he will explode with enough force to level baldurs gate#his options are 1. remove the weave and shove it in the astral plane and 2. learn to control it#the former is probably easier than the latter#but the latter might be possible with the absolute#and he encourages you to fucking abandon him if he starts exploding
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TO WASH ASHORE - E.W
pairing. pirate!ellie williams x siren!reader synopsis. ellie wakes on a remote island, delirious and hallucinating as she spots a sea creature watching her from in the sea, your sharp eyes tracing her every movement. already deeming herself to be losing her sanity, ellie sees no harm in calling you over. notes. bare w me here guys idk what im doing, this idea is so random but im trying to do it justice at least ! MCD WARNING BTW wc. 4.3k
ellie williams has lived a life of barbarity and brutality, living among pirates as a woman in disguise. of course, nobody would allow a woman aboard a ship, not to even mention the ship of a notoriously infamous pirate renown for his perfection and flawlessness. so, her fellow crew members know her as eli. a man.
she'd been sailing in disguise for nigh a year now, growing close with the pirates and getting to know life at sea. she's even built quite a reputation for herself ⎯ elijah williams, cruel and callous. captain miller's golden boy.
"avast ye!" a barrelman calls out from the crow's nest.
those on deck turn their attention toward the man. ellie halts her work and lifts her head up toward where he sits, putting a hand to her forehead to block the sun from her eyes.
one of the gunners climbs the shrouds toward the barrelman, scaling the lines swiftly. he pauses when he reaches the top, the two men conversing for a short moment before the barrelman passes the gunner his spyglass. the gunner's eyes widen and he begins talking frantically to the barrelman, both unsure on what to do. ellie watches the exchange from the deck, highly invested in what got the men so worked up.
she hears footsteps approach her from behind and she turns around to face whoever it is that comes to her. captain miller. she instantly straightens her back, the quintessence of respect for the man of authority.
he waves a hand at her, "oh relax, williams. you haven't gotta act so on edge all the time."
"easy for you to say." she scoffs, deepening her voice an octave. "you ain't gotta change to be accepted. you're the captain, you can do whatever you damn well please 'n nobody can give you shit."
"i suppose," he agrees. he then turns the topic around, peering up at the men atop the crows nest. "what're they doin' up there?"
ellie shrugs, "i haven't a clue. seems troublesome, though."
miller hums in acknowledgment, staring up at the two men who grow more and more frantic with each passing second. they hand the spyglass to one another back and forth, taking turns looking through it and exclaiming things of nervosity. ellie follows their gazes, turning toward where they aim the glass.
there, in the distance, she can see the formation of clouds beginning to fester along the horizon. its barely noticeable from her place on the deck unless one knows what to look for. but, if she were up high, the sight of such a storm would likely terrify her.
"a storm." ellie says.
miller turns to look at her, a brow raised. "come again?"
"that's what they're lookin' at." she explains, meeting his gaze with her brow knitted. "a storm is brewin' out there and we're heading directly into it."
miller doesn't need any proof of this, believing ellie without hesitation. and, within mere minutes, of her declaration, he's appointed roles and tasks to each of the two hundred crew members aboard. gunners are tasked with moving the ballast and heavy barrels into the hull; the pilot is given a stern talking-to on how best to handle this situation; the riggers are told what to do and which lines to pull.
ellie, being the quartermaster, is tasked with keeping the crew at bay. miller tells her she needs to keep them calm and level-headed, give them hope and whatnot. she nods, hurrying to do just that.
as they near the looming clouds, the sea grows angered. waves come up over the taffrails, soaking into the floor of the deck. the winds pick up, forcing the riggers into action. she alternates between people, assuring them that they're doing well and they'll make it through this. however, as she watches the storm grow nearer, she isn't quite so sure of that herself.
she sees a group of brutes, standing around without a role yet. she approaches them with her hands on her hips and a hardened expression on her face. "the fuck are you doin'!? batten down the hatches!" she orders. instantly, the men rush into action, tying things down and putting things away for the coming weather.
ellie's heart beats frantically in her chest as rainfall begins to drench her. she pulls her hat farther over her face, making sure that her hair is all tucked away and her coat remains loose.
the sea grows in her rage, throwing massive waves over the bow. crew members begin to lose faith, their minds descending into despair. ellie tries to keep them at bay for the most part, but it's fruitless. their hopelessness is no longer malleable. she curses under her breath, knowing exactly why miller appointed her this role ⎯ if the pirates lose hope, they won't work as efficiently at their jobs. even if wreckage is inevitable, they'd at least have a chance.
she glances around, the gunners breathing quick as they shakily trek back and forth. the riggers grow fatigued in their mission of manning the sails, the pilot grips the wheel tightly but not confident enough. the ship teeters on the waves, thrashing around with each one.
"fuck," ellie mutters, wiping salt water from her eyes as she rushes to the helm. she ascends the stairs and approaches the pilot with as kind as gaze as she can muster whilst so irritated. "okay listen," she says, causing the pilot to turn to her with wide eyes.
"elijah?" the pilot questions, "what're ya doin' up here? go help the others."
"won't be able t' help the others if ya crash the ship." she points out. "move, let me steer."
the pilot appears reluctant, but eventually gives in and moves. ellie takes the wheel, flexing her fingers against the wooden material. the feel of the wheel in her hands is comforting, reminding her of how she first began as a pirate ⎯ a small pilot who blended into the background for months.
she tips her head at the pilot, wondering why the hell he's still standing there. "go help the gunners, tar."
"oh, uh⎯" he nods quickly, "yes, sir!"
with that, he scurries off to assist those in need. ellie watches from the helm as he bustles about, seeking out those who need an extra hand. once she's sure he's doing as he was told, she averts her attention back to the task at hand.
the waves are growing by the second, more and more water taken over the bow. a few of the swabbies dumping buckets of seawater overboard. she spins the wheel, hard. the ship swerves to the right, hitting the next comber at an angle. a few of the pirates stagger on their feet or fall over, but nobody falls overboard so ellie counts that as a win.
her change in angle allows the ship to take in far less water. the crew members will need to embrace their sea legs a bit more, but overall the damage is now far less. a few of the pirates whip their head in her direction, knowing their previous pilot would never have the balls to whip the wheel so hard. when they see ellie "elijah" at the helm, many of them seem relieved, knowing she's a great pilot. if anybody can aid them in survival, its her.
this goes on a few more times, yanking the wheel hard to the side as to avoid water filling the deck. but as time progresses and the rain refuses to die down, the amount of overtake grows unavoidable. by the fifth wave, the swabbies are forced to resume their buckets. by the eighth, more pirates rush to their aid.
ellie grits her teeth, mentally scolding herself for having not done more despite it being nigh impossible to avoid water overtake. she grips the wheel tightly, tossing the wheel to the side as the ship lurches in that direction. they hit the wave inelegantly, one of the riggers falling from a shroud and into the water with a deafening splash. she ignores it, unable to part her mind from the task at hand.
she hears footsteps bound up the stairs of the helm, rushing to her. she sideglances in their direction, not surprised to see captain miller approaching her.
"what're our chances?" he asks her, bracing a hand on the rail of the helm that overlooks the deck, having to grip onto it to avoid toppling over.
"of survival?" she asks, turning away from him and toward the next wave that rolls in their direction. "not lookin' too good, i'll tell ya that."
"give me a precent."
"about 18." she says with a sigh, the ship overtaking a huge amount of water from the bow, two swabbies getting washed away with the wave. she forces herself not to think about their deaths, tightening her grip on the wheel until her knuckles turn white.
"fuck that." miller declares. "we ain't dyin' out here."
"don't have much of a choice, i'm afraid." ellie tells him, yanking hard to the left, the wheel spinning out of control for a split second as the water catches control of the rudder. she fumbles to regain reign over it. once she does, her chest rises and falls with heavy breaths as she shoots miller a look. "i'm doin' everything i can, but i can't promise it'll be enough. this storm ain't relenting."
he narrows his eyes at her. "what's your name, williams?"
"excuse me?" she questions, momentarily caught off-guard.
"ya deem me fool, do ya?" he questions. "i know you're a woman. if we're all dyin' anyway, at least tell me your real name. you should be able to tell someone before your life ends."
"ellie." her chest feels heavy as she speaks her actual name for the first time in a year, throat feeling tight with the foreign sound of it on her tongue. she blinks water out of her eyes and she tells herself it's rain, though she's not entirely sure.
"well," miller says softly, nigh inaudible over the heavy rainfall pattering loudly against the sea around them, "it's nice t' meet ya, ellie williams."
she turns her head to face him, brow knitting. their eyes meet and she gives him a gentle smile, eternally grateful for his acceptance of her despite her year-long life of lies. apparently, that split moment of distraction is all it took for the storm to hit. while ellie's distracted by the unexpected turn of events miller voices, mother nature decides to attack while her guard is down.
a huge wave swells over the bow, water yanking the ship forward into the sea. ellie yelps as the wheel yanks from her hand, rudder being tugged by the sudden change. as the bow goes down under the surface, the stern goes up in the air. ellie's feet slip out from under her, her backside slamming against the vertical deck. miller's do the same.
as ellie slides downward toward the water below them, she feels a hand grab her by the wrist. she looks up, breathing hard. miller is still holding tightly onto the railing with his right hand, his left now holding ellie's entire weight.
the ship is vertically positioned, the bow slowly sinking into the aggravated sea as the stern is high in the air, teetering unnaturally.
she stares up at miller with wide eyes, her mind reeling at the sudden change in atmosphere. she'd told them they were likely to die, but she hadn't actually been ready to face death straight-on. the feel of powerlessness licks up her spine with a cold touch of dread and despair.
"ellie!" miller shouts, her attention snapping up to him. "i ain't lettin' ya go! don't lose⎯"
his words are cut off by a barrel coming down from the helm and hitting him in the head. the heavy weight of the wood knocks him out cold, his fingers going slack on the railing. they both instantly fall from the stern. she screams as she falls, sound interrupted as her body collides with the ocean. her throat burns, eyes stinging as she forces them to open in the water.
she looks around under the surface, ignoring the agonizing sting in her retinas. she's surrounded by wood and debris and fallen pirates. buts she's looking for one in particular. joel miller.
he's nowhere to be seen.
her heartbeat picks up, her lungs contracting with lack of oxygen. her mind begins to swim, unable to comprehend all that she's lost within a mere few seconds. she feels herself begin to sink as her eyes go dark, the weight of her body being dragged down by the merciless pull of gravitation.
she shuts her eyes, allowing the earth to pull her under the water and towards its core. consciousness plays with her, pulling her in and out of it. not a single coherent thought runs through her mind as she sinks down, down, down,
just as she comes to terms with death, shaking its hand and accepting its sudden control over her, something else grabs her other hand. something soft, a gentle caress of fingers wrapping around her wrist. life.
ellie's chest constricts as she shoots up, the feel of water in her lungs as she gags on it. the feel of pain welcomes her before the feel of relief does. her throat burns, her body is weak, her eyes sting. everything aches so very agonizingly that nothing else really matters to her.
she rolls over, getting on her hands and knees as she coughs and hacks water from deep within her chest. once she manages to level out her breathing enough to form an intelligible though, she realizes what she's on.
her fingers dig into soft sand, the sediment wedging under her nails. she lifts her head, eyes wide in shock. she's on an island, tiny enough she can see right across to the water on the other side. she looks around some more, taking in the scarce amount of shrub and grass.
she huffs out a laugh, disbelief and delirium encircling the sound as it slips past her split lips. the light chuckle soon turns into boisterous cackling, tears welling in her eyes as she realizes she's alive. she's breathing, feeling, living.
through blurred vision, she grazes her eyes across the island, once again taking in the beautiful sight of it. she leans back on her knees, sitting on her folded feet. here gaze suddenly snags on something lying a few feet from her. a body. she narrows her eyes, praying that this island isn't inhabited. but when she recognizes the shape of it, she instantly rushes to its side.
captain miller. joel.
she crouches beside him, turning him onto his backside. she leans down, pressing an ear to his mouth, desperation filling her up as she listens for any sign of life. then she hears it. breathing.
it's croaky and crackled, but breathing nonetheless. she straightens. he's alive. once he wakes, he'll cough a bit and be in indescribable pain, but he's alive. she moves him onto his side to avoid him choking on his own saliva, tipping his head into the sand a bit.
her mind is moving at a million thoughts per second, ellie can hardly keep up with her own brain. she leans back, staring at joel's head as she breathes heavily, trying to grasp what exactly has happened. only an hour ago, she was⎯ wait. how long ago was that? for all she knows it may have been days since the shipwreck. it may have been months. she looks at the sky, hoping to be able to tell time by it somehow.
the sky is clear, blue and brilliant without a cloud in sight. but her clothes are still wet and so are joel's. plus, she isn't starving to death yet, so she decides it's only been a few hours.
her mind races, suddenly stuttering on one thought in particular: who the fuck got them out of the water?
if it were another crew member, they'd be on the island with her and joel. if it were another ship crew, they'd be dead before they could reach the depth of which she'd sank by then.
she traces her eyes along the horizon regardless, hoping she might see a ship or something to point toward who's responsible for this. that's when she sees you.
her brows raise at the sight of a girl so far out in the surf, water up to your shoulders. your hair is wet, clinging to your neck and forehead. you aren't wearing a top, bare shoulders peeking from the surface.
ellie squints her eyes, wondering if she's going crazy or not. the heat is getting to her, clinging to the wet clothes that soak her skin. her hat is missing, auburn hair now askew atop her head. she puts a hand to her hairline, shielding sun from sight. sure enough, there you remain.
gorgeous and luminary in your presence, out there like a beacon of hope amid chaos. water droplets run down your face, sparking like fragmented glass across your skin.
"hey!" she calls out, unable to stop herself. "c'mere!"
you remain in place for a long moment, tilting your head at her slightly. she worries, for a second, whether you truly were imagined purely out of her mind. honestly, how could someone so beautiful be out here right now? in the middle of the ocean. just standing there. it's impossible.
just as doubt traces up her spine, you begin forward.
your movements are languid, almost like you're made of water yourself. the tangible embodiment of the sea, beautiful and mysterious just like the ocean. ellie finds herself unable to look away, a wordless spell cast to immobilize her.
you continue forward, bare chest veiled by your long wet hair. like a fish on a hook, ellie crawls toward you. her jaw is slackened, eyes sparkling. you keep most your body in the water as you near her, lower waist never breaking the surface. ellie doesn't give much thought to it, to enamored by the sight of you.
you stop at the waterline, lying on your stomach. you bury your elbows in the sand, resting your chin on the palms of your hands. ellie stops right in front of your, her eyes wide as they search your face.
"...beautiful..," is all ellie is capable of muttering. you tilt your head at her, slow and steady. she continues to stare at you, awe-struck. the smallest smile manages to tug at your lips and ellie finds her heart speeding at the mere sight of it. you shut your eyes, grinning at her.
"thank you." you say.
ellie's ears perk at the sound. your voice is music, tone a melody. she can't help but yearn for it to be played on loop. over and over until she takes her final breath.
"y-you⎯" words feel foreign in her mouth, nothing coming out correctly. she shakes her head, touches of crimson staining her cheeks. she blinks a few times as she refocuses on your face, taking in every feature that adorns it. "you're⎯"
"what?" you croon, a gentle hum from the back of your neck. she finds herself leaning in at the soft sound, needing to be closer. needing to hear you better. your eyes sparkle at the sight of her desperation, scooting farther back ever so slightly. "i'm what?"
a breath escapes her lips as she stares. "you're beautiful."
"mm," you sound, blinking at her slow and seductive. she falls for it. of course she does, they all do. that's your curse.
"how⎯" she blinks down at the sight of you in the water, having emerged from the surf all on your own. "how'd you⎯"
you tilt your head again, though this time for another reason. you do it as to move it out of her line of sight, allowing her eyes to rest on the tail that grows from your hips. it's about five feet in length, blue and shiny. the scales catch the light, glittering like magic. the fins are translucent, filtering sunlight through the thin material.
she stares at it, unable to tear her eyes away. whether that be to delirium or adoration, you're unsure. so is she.
"i saved you," you mutter, drawing her gaze back to your face. your brows are furrowed, sincerity knitting them with a thin thread of deception. she blinks, the threads blurring together into a gentle curiosity. she leans in again. you lean back. the palms of her hands are now in the water, encircling her wrists with rocking waves against the shore. she continues to crawl toward you. out of mere pity, you refrain from easing back more. it'd be too easy that way ⎯ killing a starved pirate who's been marooned.
"a-and joel?" she blinks, completely unaware of your moral dilemma. she's equally unaware of the way you had been slowly easing into the water. somehow, they never seem to feel the cool liquid around them.
"yes." you confirm, narrowing your eyes at the girl and her soaked form. "yes, i saved your old captain as well."
she exhales, enamored by the information. you take this time to soak in the sight of her. her hair is damp, short auburn strands clinging to her face and neck. her thin white linen shirt is clad against her torso and chest, buttons undone at the top. her heavy brown coat hangs off of her, clearly having been made for a man. her black jeans are baggy, also meant for a male. as are her oversized boots.
"thank you, i⎯" she stammers, licking her lips in thought. "i-i don't know how to⎯"
"hush," you whisper, voice tangling with the waves crashing against the sand. the melody is the same, sediment washing from the shore as ellie does. you lift your hands, cradling her face with cold, wet fingertips. she leans into the touch, her eyes lidded and pupils blown. your gaze softens, "you needn't thank me, love."
"but⎯"
"shh," you place the pad of your thumb on her lips, silencing her. your eyes drop to her mouth, tracing your finger along her bottom lip. she parts them, breath hitching. "i saved you because i was unable to bare the sight of your death."
she doesn't respond, her mind jumbled. you continue, pulling her deeper into the water as she crawls toward you.
"so lovely, so undeserving," you whisper, the water now at her knees, forcing her to stand in the water with you. your hands remain on her face, thumb running along the pink skin of her mouth. she breathes heavily, desperate for more, completely under your alluring spell of seduction.
"closer," she mumbles, likely unaware she'd even uttered the word.
you oblige, the water now at your waists. your tail treads water as she legs continue to inch toward you. she moves forward, never stopping, never thinking, never able to. you stop, allowing to to ease closer. she does.
she braces her hands on your hips, fingers caressing the scales with gentility. so different from anything else you'd experienced. normally, when you seduce sailors, they're lustful and desperate and rough. she, however, is kind. curious wonder strikes her eyes, flecks of love already catching her pale green irises. they remind you of sea grass.
you decide to offer her a kindness before the inevitable death that's to overcome her.
you lean in, the waves crashing at your chests, pushing your toward her. you listen, the ocean being your religion, your beacon of a deity. she does the same, obviously. you continue to cradle her face as she continues to encircle your hips, delicacy lacing her every movement.
you press your lips to hers, your bewitched mind incapable of feeling anything aside from an insatiable hunger for her death. ellie, on the other hand, is seeing stars from the mere feel of her mouth on yours. the way your lips move with such calculated precision, the way your teeth nip at the lip you'd been tracing. it's intoxicating. the taste of you is more addictive than any glass of rum she'd ever had.
sea salt and passion line your lips, salty with its passion. she leans in as your lean away, careful to keep your lips connected the whole way down. while ellie is practically unraveling at the seams, you ease into the water.
the trick here, you've learned, is to kiss your victim. that way, they're already holding their breaths with their eyes closed. you can ease them into the water without so much as a fight.
unfortunately for her, ellie is no different.
she follows your every movement, unaware of how the ocean begins to rise. the way the water begins to clog her ears. you drag her down, filling her lungs with your own tainted oxygen that you're not in need of.
you're now far past the surface, ellie continuing to kiss you despite the way her hands go slack around your waist and her breath struggles to maintain itself. you hate the knowledge of knowing you'd killed such a beautiful soul. but, more than that, you love the taste of her death.
the way death holds her hand all the way down; the way her skin turns to an icy blue that mocks your tail; the way her mouth goes slack against yours; the way her eyes are already closed; the way her lungs constrict.
she dies without a fight, completely uncharacteristic for a woman who'd fought her whole life. for a woman who went disguised as a man for so many years, all of her walls were let down for you ⎯ a mysterious creature of the sea who's name she hadn't even bothered to learn.
and as she does, her last thoughts are of your face and the sound of your voice. she dies with a soft contentment in knowing you were what held her as she was put to an eternal slumber.
if her death could be something of benefit to you, she considers it to have been worth it.
⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist : @luvsturniolo @zzombiegirl
⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 fic taglist : @juptology @thefirstromantics @flutterdasher @dinakisser
#vxsellie !#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie williams#ellie willams x reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie x you#pirate x siren#pirate au#pirate ship#siren#siren aesthetic#merfolk#mermaid#joel miller#tlou joel#tlou fic#joel the last of us
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Commander Gaius appreciation post
Commander Gaius is so underrated as a character in the fandom that it almost physically hurts me. It is for this reason that you will now read a bunch of my headcanons about the man, let's go.
He's one of the first gen albinaurics created in Liurnia by local sorcerers who used them as servants/slaves.
Gaius himself was a servant of Carian royal family and accompanied Radahn to Sellia; since the Carians generally treated their servants better than the Raya Lucaria sorcerers, and Gaius and Radahn were roughly the same age, Radahn saw his servant more as a friend/family member and didn't mind when he decided to leave and study gravity magic on his own.
Gaius is actually a better gravity sorcerer than Radahn when it comes to skill level, though Radahn, as a demigod, is far ahead on the scale of raw magic power.
yeah, Gaea is his boar, and she does know gravity magic!
Gaius met Gaea in Liurnia when he was a young albinauric servant and she was just a piglet - her herd had been killed by poachers, and his masters had sent him to kick said poachers away from the royal grounds.
Gaius' legs began to fade even before the crusade, but Messmer still invited him to join and appointed him his second-in-command, despite the significant resistance from his other officers and troops; Gaius didn't fail Messmer in the slightest.
Speaking of the crusade, of all its commanders, Gaius is the least ideologically motivated - as an albinauric and a sorcerer trained in Sellia, he doesn't give a lot of shit about the Golden Order, Marika and their definitions of (im)purity. However, he takes his responsibility as a commander - and the trust that Messmer puts in him - extremely seriously, so for the hornsent his cold and pragmatic approach was even more devastating than the fury of the zealots.
Although he prefers to ride Gaea whenever possible, Gaius still uses his gravity magic to move (or more accurately, fly) freely in places where she cannot fit.
The albinauric lady on a wolf isn't his gf, she's his wife.
Gaius has the most luxurious moustache in all of the Land of Shadow and the Lands Between.
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