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stevetonyweekly · 7 months

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SteveTony Weekly - December 23

This week’s list is a day early -- if you didn’t see the holiday posting schedule, we’re gonna have two lists this weekend and next:

Regular Weekly List - Dec 23

Holiday Special ft Long Fic - Dec 24

Regular Weekly List - Dec 30

Best Fic of 2023 - Dec 31

Lots of recs to get you through the holiday season--enjoy!! And be sure to leave a comment/kudos for your author.

In Trouble Deep by FestiveFerret, SirSapling

"Whoever did this has a reason, and Stark needs to be with someone who can protect him. He won’t exactly be able to protect himself like this.” Fury looked at the baby consideringly. “No, it’s you, Steve. Besides, he likes you. Suck it up, soldier, you’re stuck with him.”

remember to remember me by xWinterDreamsx

“Look at me. Look at me.”

Tony looked. He looked and he felt, for a moment, that this can’t have been the first time he got lost in those blue eyes. It felt familiar, in a way he didn’t understand.

Snowed In by ashes0909

“Are you flirting with me, Tony? Because this feels a lot like arguing and we argue a lot. Have we been flirting this whole time?”

Hot Chocolate by ashes0909

The hot chocolate that currently warmed Tony's hands still reminded him of Steve, because these days everything did.

Insulation Inspiration by ashes0909

“It’s rare to get a blizzard this bad but I remember…” Steve chuckled again, shifting so he could brush a kiss on the top Tony’s head, but he didn’t continue.

So, Tony prodded. “Yes…? Vague memory alert. You know I’m all about instant gratification. Don’t leave me hanging. What do you remember?”

Blanketed in Snow by ashes0909 for betheflame

“I know you’ll say this isn’t the best time for me to point it out, but I mentioned needing a survival bag in this car last month,” Steve greeted.

“And yet…” Tony quirked up a half smile. “Pointing.”

Unwrapped by ashes0909

Steve waited by the tree like a present wrapped in red satin and rosy cheeks.

Steve still can’t believe how long it took for him to notice. It wasn’t a secret really, just something that no one had cared to ask...it honestly took Rhodey pulling him aside and pulling out an old photo album, before Steve really understood.

Tony Stark was a Bucky Barnes fan.

(aka The one where Tony is the biggest Bucky Barnes fanboy, Steve is a supportive boyfriend, and Bucky is perplexed by it all.)

"Free to Good Home" by Captain_Panda

"Oliver and Company" AU.

There's a great big world outside the box.

the world spins madly on by goodmorningbeloved (3799steps)

This isn’t about the beginning.

This is about the bullet that slices through Steve Rogers’s heart, neat and clean, and leaves him for dead in the dust. This is about the gun that suddenly feels cold, colder, in Tony’s hand as he lunges to his feet and lurches forward, screaming and screaming.

Or, Steve and Tony meet again in the afterlife.

a properly scholarly attitude by goodmorningbeloved (3799steps)

“You’re.” Steve takes one look at him and stops after this one word—or two, technically, he’ll fight Tony to the death on that debate—because his boyfriend’s behind a pile of books with a pair of thick frames drooping low over the bridge of his nose, just at the right angle to emphasize his thick lashes and— and— Tony has glasses?

From the Ground Up by ohjustpeachy

Tony and Steve broke up years ago and Tony never quite got over it. When they finally see each other again at Pepper's wedding, Rhodey convinces Tony this might just be his second chance.

the sun rises back home by goodmorningbeloved (3799steps)

“Now, how’d a big guy like you get all the way in here, huh?” Tony doesn’t have to bend down too far to run his finger through soft golden fur. It’s not that the tower is built to actively keep out strays - Tony knows Bruce and Natasha take turns nursing stray cats that come around - but dogs this size don’t usually manage to squeeze past the back gates, especially one that looks bigger than the standard golden retriever.

You Could Stay by tinystark616

Steve doesn't expect Tony to go on a mission with him now that he has a daughter to take care of. Tony doesn't expect Steve to take care of him after they save the world. They're both wrong.

Or,

Two moments where Steve and Tony choose to stay together, during and post the events of Avengers: Endgame.

The Ghost of Christmas Present by ashes0909

Steve was hoping he could get through the holiday season by staying alone in his apartment and not talking to anyone. But then Tony Stark happened.

Jingle All the Way by ashes0909

The helmet lowered and Tony smirked. “You mentioned they seemed festive.”

Reasons Why We Ended It by ashes0909 for ohjustpeachy

This was the fifth time he’d seen Tony since they broke up, and it was easier every time...but that was hard, in and of itself.

Premier by JehBeeEh

“One hour and we can go home,” Tony reminded him when his lips left Steve’s brow and moved to the tip of his nose. “Happy will go straight from here to the back entrance where our SUV is waiting.” He finally joined their lips and Steve sigh into the kiss.

“One hour,” Steve repeated quietly as he felt the truck inch forward to its position at the start of the red carpet.

"death by coffee" and other search queries by goodmorningbeloved (3799steps)

In which Steve's feelings are hopelessly obvious through his Google searches. JARVIS decides to step in.

#stevetony weekly #steve rogers #tony stark #stevetony #stony #iron man #captain america #stevetony fic #stony fic #fic rec

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thisaintascenereviews · 2 months

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Our Favorites Of The Year (So Far), Part One: April 2024

By Bradley Christensen & @jakeh2987

At the end of every year, I’m always amazed when peoples’ yearend lists come out, because it takes me awhile to fathom that it’s really the end of another year. Aside from Christmas, which is what most people associate with that time of year, I love “list season.” Publications of all kinds put out their yearend lists, and I just love seeing what people have been into the entire year. It feels like yesterday I was talking about my favorite media from the entire year, so I thought I’d “check-in” in the beginning, middle, and (obviously) the end of the year. I’m not doing this alone, however, because I thought I’d bring along my buddy Jake. We worked together on a yearend piece last year, too, and I thought it would be fun to work on something like this again, at least checking in periodically with each other and seeing what we’ve been into throughout the year, as well as how the year’s been going when it comes to media of all kinds. With that said, it’s good to have you back, Jake! It feels like deja vu, because it feels like we just did this, but I digress, how’s this year been treating you so far, Jake? How do you think this year has been in comparison to last year?

First of all, thank you for having me back to do this! I had a blast working on our year-end wrap up last year, so I jumped at the chance to do something similar. To answer your question, though, I feel like this year has been really stacked in terms of new releases in not only music, but a lot of different forms of media. Last year was incredible, for sure, but I feel like a lot of it was backloaded in the second half of 2023. This year, on the other hand, I felt like there’s been at least one or two new things to be excited about every week really since the start of the year, but especially so in the last couple of months. I had a look at my top 10 albums, and I think almost all of them have come out after the first week of March, which has been great. But, we’ll get to that later. For now, though, I say we take a look back at the broader picture for a second! Last year, we talk about how we often found ourselves falling back into old comforts, whether that be favorite artists, that TV show you’ve binged far too many times before, and so on. For the first bit of this year, I kinda feel like I’ve been a lot more open to discovering new things and stepping outside of my comfort zone, so I’m curious, how does it feel for you?

Last year definitely had a theme of listening to what I call “ol’ reliable” types of media. A lot of my favorite pieces of media were from old favorites, whether I was revisiting them again for the first time in awhile, or old favorites releasing new albums, movies, or shows that I could easily get into and gave me a nice sense of nostalgia. I would say that this year, at least so far, is a mixture of both being adventurous and discovering some new things and still revisiting some of those same “comfort foods,” so to speak. Looking at the big picture of how media has gone this year, it’s certainly been steady since March with at least one album per week that I’m listening to (almost my whole top ten is from the last couple of months as well), and we’ve been getting a steady stream of movies and shows that are worth watching and talking about. Speaking of which, let’s start with movies and TV, what have you been watching this year?

Okay, this is where I get to gush about the new Fallout show that just premiered on Amazon Prime Video a couple weeks ago. I’m not super familiar with the games, having only put a few hours into Fallout 4 way back in 2015, but when the first trailer for this show dropped, I knew I was gonna be in for this. I’m a sucker for a sci-fi/post apocalypse setting, and from what I do know from the games, there was gonna be a blend of dark humor/satire along with the high-stakes drama. I ended up watching the whole season in about a week, and I really loved it. The creative team behind the show did about the best thing you could do for a video game adaptation; it’s set within the universe and continuity of the games, but it’s a new story with new characters, so they were able to tell their own story while still nailing that Fallout vibe. Also, come on, Walton Goggins playing a post-apocalyptic cowboy bounty hunter, how can you not love that? But for real, this show was a blast, and I’m happy it’s already been renewed for a second season, because I can see this show being a great time for many years to come.

Aside from that, though, I did see the Mean Girls musical movie from earlier this year, and while I don’t think it was all that great (and I don’t necessarily love the original, either), it’s pretty clear why Renee Rapp is a rising star, she was great in it and can definitely sing. I’ve also been making my way through a super casual Criminal Minds rewatch, it’s been a long while since I’ve watched a lot of the early stuff, so I like having it on in the background while I do other things, but I still love this show a lot. How about you, though?

When it comes to TV and movies, I haven’t watched as much stuff as I’ve listened to music, but I’ve got a few things I’ve been watching. The second half of the second season of Invincible, also on Prime Video, premiered last month, and that was a lot of fun, especially after loving the first season a few years back. Animation has been on a roll this year, between that and X-Men ‘97, which has been a show that I’ve been eagerly watching every Wednesday. That show’s been an absolute blast, and despite being rooted in a show from the past, it doesn’t let the nostalgia overtake the show itself. I haven’t really been watching a lot of movies this year, surprisingly enough, but I need to catch up. I need to watch Fallout, though; I love dystopia and post-apocalyptic universes, so I need to sit down and watch that front to back. What about video games? I got a couple that I’ve played this year, not necessarily new but new to me; and that’s been a whole lot of fun.

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth came out at the end of February (on the leap day, no less!), and I've been playing it basically non-stop since then. Rebirth is the second part of a trilogy of games that are remaking/reimagining the original Final Fantasy 7 from back in 1997, greatly expanding upon and making tweaks to various things that were in the original. This is also a game that adopts more of an open-ended structure, featuring several pretty big zones filled with a ton to do. As of writing this, I've put about 100 hours into it, and I'm just over 60% of the way through it. This is a game that''s so incredibly easy to get lost and immersed in for hours, and I think that comes down to three things. Firstly, your main party of characters is so enjoyable to be around; it really hammers home that feeling of being on a grand adventure with your friends, and even when you're doing a seemingly mundane open world activity, you still get little interactions with the characters that makes it worth it. Another factor for me is the combat. I said after the first part came out in 2020 that it had maybe my favorite combat in an RPG, I really loved the seamless blend of real time action and strategy with the ATB system. Rebirth's combat is essentially more of that, but the improvements and enhancements make this combat sing in a way that very few games ever have for me. Swapping between party members, using the new synergy abilities, and popping ATB abilities feels so seamless and flows super well. It's just a blast to play. Finally, I wanna give a shoutout to the minigames. I won't give all of them away, but there are so many different minigames to play, and this is where Rebirth gets to really lean into its silliness more often than not. Your main story can often be very dramatic and emotional, so I appreciate that these side activities are a way to provide a tonal balance and gameplay pacing. And aside from maybe one or two I admittedly wasn't a huge fan of, all of them were really fun to play (shoutout Queen's Blood in particular, I would buy a standalone version of that in a heartbeat). Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention the music. It's incredible, and even when you're walking around in the open areas, you get hit with yet another really cool music piece, and that's before you even get to the big set pieces or boss fights, which also rule. I could just gush about this thing forever, really, but I'll top this off by saying it's been a really special experience and I'm so excited to see where it ends up. How about you, though? Have you been playing anything in particular?

Man, Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth sounds great! I always love when a piece of media, whether it’s a game, movie, or album, can really suck you into its story or sound. I can’t say I’ve played any new games, but I got a couple things I’ve been playing so far this year. I spent the last few months playing Mafia III, especially after seeing it was on sale for the first time in awhile, and I absolutely love the first two games. Now those are games that you can get lost in, especially its story, world, and atmosphere, but I’d say the third in this trilogy is the best. Instead of taking place the 1930s or 1940s, like the first two games, the third one takes place in the 1960s, let alone in a New Orleans-type of city with different “districts” that are composed of different kinds of people. This game also tackles issues like racism and PTSD, especially where the main character is Black and a Vietnam veteran. It’s got some hard hitting and still relevant themes, despite coming out in 2016, but it’s still relevant today. The game does have a couple downsides, such as the combat and side missions between story missions being repetitive (despite still a lot of fun), but it’s the story, characters, and the world itself that really draws you in. The music is also a big part of this game, as it features a lot of 50s and 60s blues, rock, soul, pop, and lots of different songs that you can listen to on any car’s radio, and the songs really bring everything to life. It’s a wonderful game, and it’s the best of the three, hands down.

As for the other game, thanks to the new Fallout show coming out, I decided to download Fallout 4 on the PlayStation Store, because it was only $4.99, and I’ve been playing it for a few days now! It’s a lot of fun, despite how I’m still getting used to its world and mechanics. I’ve always been curious about Fallout’s story and lore, but never knew where to start. There’s so many games and lore to sink your teeth into, but that’s what makes the show so good — it’s its own story, like you said, so you don’t need to know everything about the games. The show eases you into it, but if you enjoy post-apocalyptic stories with retro futuristism aesthetics, along with a killer soundtrack (that I enjoy, thanks to my niche taste of 30s, 40s, and 50s music), you should get really into it. The game itself is cool, too, and it also eases you into the story, especially if this is your first go-around. I’m excited to play more, since I haven’t had anything I’ve really dedicated my time to after finishing Mafia III.

With all of that said, let’s get to our main event — 2024 in music. We discussed this a bit earlier, at least our overall first impressions, but this year has been off to the races when it comes to new music. I swear that almost every week since the start of the year, there’s been something new to listen to, but a lot of my favorite albums this year have been from March and April. Let’s not beat around the bush anymore, though. What are your favorites of the year so far? Hell, what are some albums that have been resonating with you this year? They don’t even need to be new, but stuff that you’ve found that you’ve just been into this year, regardless of when it came out.

Both Mafia III and Fallout 4 are games I wanna revisit sometimes, for a lot of the reasons you've said. I do remember Mafia III getting a bit of criticism for its repettitive open world structure and missions, but I loved what I played of it for the setting and characters and how it tackled heavier subject matters in a game like this. And I did redownload Fallout 4 as well, I played a few hours of it when it first released in 2015, but the show has made me wanna give it another go, though at this point I'll probably end up starting a new save.

Anyways, yes, let's get to the main event, our favorite music! I feel like since we both have the same number one, at least I think we do, let's save that for last, but for now, I'm gonna highlight a few from my top 10, in no real order (at least not for the purposes of this piece, I do have a proper list for myself). First, an interesting thing I noticed about my list is how a few of these are from bands/artists you recommended to it. Cory Wells' Harbouring the Hurt I Cause is a really good acoustic/emo album that I had never heard of before you suggested it, and that new Fluorescents album that just dropped, Scream It At Me! gives me such great mid/late 2000s neon pop-punk/pop-rock vibes but with a modern polish to it. You also turned me back on to Neck Deep; their self-titled album is just a really damn solid pop-punk album from a band I admittedly kinda wrote off in recent years.

Secondly, I wanna talk about two final releases from two of my favorite bands, but they're final releases for very different reasons. Sum 41 are pop-punk legends at this point, and sometime last year, they announced that after their new album and some extensive touring, they were calling it quits. It's always nice that when a band does break up, they do so on their own terms and while going out on top. I really had a lot of fun with their final (double) album Heaven x Hell, it felt like a love letter to the band and everything they do well, and I'm happy they were able to go out with that. On the other hand, though, we have Too Close to Touch's For Keeps, and this one is very bittersweet. Vocalist Keaton Pierce passed away unexpectedly in March 2022, and many fans like myself weren't sure we were ever gonna hear from the band again. So, it was a very welcome surprise when they announced a final collection of songs, but it was also a little bittersweet that they decided to call it quits, although it was for a very understandable reason. For Keeps, I think, turned out as well as it could have, and is a very solid sendoff for a vocalist and a band who were so close to taking that next step.

Outside of this year, I did wanna highlight Linkin Park's recently-released greatest hits album, called Papercuts. It's a very nice little collection of songs from their career, and it's been a lot of fun revisiting my first favorite band.

Okay, now I'm gonna throw it back to you, what's some music that you've really been resonating with so far this year?

Yeah, Mafia III got some criticism for the repetitive open world structure and the missions being pretty much copy and paste, such as killing certain enforcers, and interrogating informants, but it’s still a lot of fun every time you get to unleash carnage on an unsuspecting group of bad guys (or are they, because this game does tackle how the main character might not be as good as he thinks he is, and that’s a real interesting idea). I got through a bit of Fallout 4 already, though, and despite a rather annoying combat system that I still need to master, I enjoy it a lot. It’s pretty cool, especially with its story and the lore that the game has already built up for itself.

As for the main event, we can save that specific album for later, but I have a feeling I know what it is, too, and it’s a doozy, that’s for sure. I figured we could highlight stuff from our top tens, really in no particular order, but that’s really neat! I always love recommending stuff, but if I hear something that I think you’d like, I always throw it your way, even if it’s not something I’m as into. Anyhow, my top ten is mainly from bands and artists I’ve already been a fan of, and with the exception of Fluorescents’ debut, Scream It At Me, it’s all stuff that I’ve both heard of but haven’t listened to in awhile. A few of my favorites, in no particular order as well, are Neck Deep’s self-titled and Fluorescents’ Scream It At Me, especially for really wanting some catchy pop-punk at this time of year. Neck Deep’s new one came out in the beginning of the year, but it just hits differently now, and it’s really grown on me. I’ve also been enjoying a handful of metalcore albums, including two that just came out last week. The new Ghost Inside and SeeYouSpaceCowboy albums, respectively titled Searching For Solace and Coup De Grace, are a couple of metalcore albums that really hit what I’ve been looking for, especially really catchy and hard hitting stuff. The new Justin Timberlake album, Everything I Thought It Was, is another album that I’ve been playing a lot this year, and it’s a solid little comeback album for him.

A couple of albums on my list, too, aren’t from bands who released their last albums, although those two albums you mentioned were pretty good, but they’re from artists I never expected to really love a new album from. Thrice frontman Dustin Kensrue dropped a country album, entitled Desert Dreaming, and it’s a wonderful throwback country album that sounds like it came out of the 1960s and 1970s. Augustana, and indie-pop / folk-pop band, also dropped their first album in a decade, called Something Beautiful, and it really hit me, especially for being so catchy. Lil Dicky also dropped a new album this year, his first in almost a decade and I wasn’t expecting to enjoy that as much as I did. I also binged his show, Dave, that has been on for the last few years and it’s a pretty funny show, and I forgot to mention that earlier, but the album, Penith, is supposed to be the “soundtrack” to the show.

Now when it comes to music this year that I’ve been that isn’t new, I got a couple of things, such as getting into the last Hot Mulligan albums after seeing them live with Fall Out Boy a couple months back. I also have spent some time with the last couple of James And The Shame records. That’s the brainchild of Rhett McLaughlin, most famously known from YouTube duo Rhett & Link, but it’s a retro-style country project that has a lot of themes about religion and his overall deconstruction from the church, and it’s very interesting stuff. I’d like to check out that Linkin Park greatest hits, though; they’re a band I feel like hits better with their greatest hits, although their first two albums are really cool still.

There is one album that we haven’t talked about yet that we’ve alluded to, because it’s both our current favorite album this year, so would you like to introduce it?

You know, this is actually kind of a funny full cirlce thing, because Bayside was another band you originally introduced me to, I wanna say about a decade ago, around the time Cult was coming out. I really enjoyed that album, but their next album, 2016''s Vacancy, was what really won me over and made me a huge fan of theirs. So, naturally, you could say that their new album, There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive, being my number one album of the year so far is a bit of a no-brainer, but I really do think this is one of Bayside's best albums, and it really showcases the band at their peak and what they do best, whether it be guitarist Jack O'Shea really letting it rip with some killer guitar parts and solos, Anthony Raneri's ability to paint a picture and tell a story with his lyrics, or the band's penchant for memorable hooks. It's all there in full force on this album, but what I will say, is that if you really think about it, it's not really all that different than what they've been doing. So, I wanna turn it back to you and ask, what was it about thsi album in particular that really clicked and led it to also being your favorite album so far this year?

Bayside is a band that I’ve got a lot of nostalgia for, because I found them on a 2007 Alternative Press compilation. It was an acoustic version of “Dear Your Holiness,” and I really loved it, I picked up 2007’s The Walking Wounded and immediately fell in love with it. It’s still one of my favorite albums today, especially for its great hooks, awesome guitarwork that was really heavy for a pop-punk album, and very poignant lyrics that still hold up today. I have enjoyed their subsequent records, but Bayside ended up becoming a band whose albums all sound the same to me.

Despite how good they are, especially 2016’s Vacancy, you know what you’re getting with an album from them, which can be a good or bad thing, depending on where you stand with them. Aside from The Walking Wounded, nothing else they’ve done since has really blown me away as much as that album. I was somewhat eagerly awaiting There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive, especially because it’s been five years since their last album came out, but what really surprised me was how this album feels oddly refreshing compared to their last couple. Not that they were bad, or even bland, but this album reminds me a lot of The Walking Wounded.

Like you said, this album is a classic Bayside album on the surface, but they prove that they can tweak their formula a bit and make it really interesting. This album is both the heaviest and catchiest I’ve heard Bayside in a long time; their hooks are sticky sweet this time around, but their guitar riffs are some of the thrashiest and most heavy metal-ish that I’ve heard from them. Raneri’s lyrics are also some of the best I’ve heard in awhile, too, and a lot of this album gets lodged in my head for the best reasons. I bet it was a shock to you, especially as someone that hasn’t been crazy about their last few albums, that I was over the moon for this album when it came out, huh?

I was definitely pleasantly surprised when you said you were loving this album as much as you do, but at the same time, especially after hearing you talk about it more, I do kinda get why this one maybe hooked you more than they have the past few albums. Sometimes all it takes is some tweaks/refreshes to the formula, and sometimes, something will just hit you in the right place at the right time, even if maybe it normally wouldn't as much otherwise. But, I love that we both have this at number one; thinking back on years past, I think this has only happened a handful of times, most likely with Fall Out Boy, since they're another band we both love.

It's really hard to believe we're already a quarter of the way through this year already, isn't it? I'm glad we got together to do this again, though, it's been a blast looking back on all of it so far, and I really can't wait for what's still to come.

I really was surprised to love this new album as much as I did, but you’re right, sometimes all it takes is a tweak to the formula to really hit you at the right time. I think by having a catchier and heavier sound, the album was able to hit me harder because it reminded me of when I first listened to them all those years ago. It just hits in the right way, but I truly love it. Not many albums this year have really hit me in that way, but this record is their best in a long time. It’s really hard to believe we’re almost a quarter done, though, so much good stuff has come out and so much is going to come out in the next eight months. It’s been an absolute blast doing this with you again, but before we close this out, what are some albums you’re looking forward to, whether they have a confirmed release date or not?

Just today, as we're writing this, The Home Team announced their third album, called The Crucible of Life, is coming out on July 12th, and I know that album is gonna be amazing. They're really about to be the next big thing, and I can't wiat. The other big one for me is The Early November, whose self-titled album is coming out June 14th. They're a band sorta like Bayside, in that they have a pretty storied legacy in the scene and have still been at it, putting out great music for over 20 years now.

Got anything on your radar coming up?

No way, they finally announced their new album? I hadn’t seen it yet, so that’s awesome. I can’t wait for that, so that’s easily a most anticipated. I’d say that off the top of my head, the upcoming Knocked Loose is my most anticipated, and that comes in a couple weeks on May 10th. Those guys are currently one of the biggest heavy bands in the scene, and their last album was easily my favorite of 2019, so I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time. It’s gonna be a good rest of the year, for sure, and I can’t wait to do this again with you. I hopefully plan on doing this again here in another three or four months, and then at the end of the year, but it’s been a lot of fun being able to work on another one of these pieces with you, so thanks for being able to indulge me on what we’ve been into this year so far!

Yeah, this has been so much fun, so thank you for having me! I'm looking forward to meeting up for this again, as I'm sure we'll have plenty more to talk about.

#bayside #there are worse things than being alive #x men 97 #fallout #fallout 4 #final fantasy 7 #heavy metal #metal #rock #metalcore #death metal #mafia iii #sum 41 #pop-punk #neck deep #the ghost inside #searching for solace

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toomuchracket · 1 year

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I have not been able to stop thinking about birthday party reader and matty. Like him at her book launch or some big interview and he’s just sooo dreamy and such a simp

i think that for as long as you've known each other, matty's been at every single book launch of yours if he's not been working elsewhere - if he can't make it, he calls you afterwards to ask how it all went, sends a bouquet of flowers and a congrats/apology card to your flat, and meets up with you when he gets home to talk about the book with you (he's on the pr list, so he gets a copy before it's even properly released, and he swoons at the personal message you insist on writing for him on the title page of every copy). i think you're the same with single/album release events; if you can be there, you will, if not, you send a gift and schedule a catchup for when you're both free.

i don't think too much changes once you guys get together, aside from matty making more of an effort to attend every launch and every talk - he's flown back home for one night just to see and celebrate you, on a couple of occasions (despite you telling him not to be silly lol). he still looks at you talk the same lovestruck way he always did, just slightly more obviously now, and he can actually kiss you now once you step away from the mic, instead of restricting himself to a yearning-filled (from both sides) hug like he used to. he still gets breathless at the way you command attention and dazzle the whole room when you talk, but the pining for you has been replaced by joy (and a little smidge of gloating) about the fact you'll be leaving with him at the end of the night, going back to the kitchen table you wrote half of the just-released book at, to the bed you fall asleep in his arms in every night, to the home you share. he still talks incessantly and adoringly about you to anyone who'll listen, but he doesn't have to bite his tongue to stop himself sharing how much he loves you anymore; you find it very endearing, and it almost overwhelms you how much he loves you. but it's reciprocated, of course it is.

you also find it very endearing how matty buys you a gift for every launch now, which he never used to, always consisting of the same four things: a bottle of red, a bottle of champagne, a parker pen, and a notebook "to write the next one in". you roll your eyes at his extravagance, but secretly you're grateful for the love and the extra stationery - words have never come easier to you, and it's all because of him <3

#mads answers asks #matty asks #fluff asks #into the birthday partyverse #toomuchracket best bits

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onesweetworld18 · 2 years

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I posted 16,023 times in 2022

That's 2,502 more posts than 2021!

1,020 posts created (6%)

15,003 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lovingstheantidote

@hldailyupdate

@yourgoldenview

@allwaswell16

@dailytomlinson

I tagged 3,385 of my posts in 2022

#wow - 45 posts

#pta mom - 29 posts

#i love this - 28 posts

#i love him - 24 posts

#this is amazing - 23 posts

#oh my god - 23 posts

#omg - 17 posts

#this - 17 posts

#yes - 17 posts

#louis tomlinson - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 122 characters

#if harry’s favorite group of people is his merry band of white men managers i think i would stab myself with a steak knife

My Top Posts in 2022:

I will do a post-show write up, but I think this sums it up the best. I asked my mom after the show which of the three that she has seen did she like the best (Harry, Niall, or Louis) and she said, “I think Louis. They are all very good. Niall really like the music and is very talented, Harry puts on a show, but Louis is all heart. You can tell he’s all heart.”

And like if that doesn’t explain Louis I don’t know what does.

421 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

Ok, a few notes on the Louis show.

I was in the VIP viewing area so I was right in front of where he came on. Security kicked EVERYONE out aside from press. Like Elie Goulding’s crew even had to move to the back of my section. His whole team (Matt and Mark managers) and people who look like they were in the BMG camp were there and behind me.

The way Louis walks with the absolute BDE energy is insane. Seeing it in person is just truly, truly unreal to witness. He truly is a wonderful person to just admire.

Josh runs around everywhere and sings as he is filming.

Krystal is shorter than I thought she would be!

People did the “woo woo woo” thing Harry does during his shows and the people from Elise’s crew were so so confused so I had to explain why that was happening. They found it odd (as did I.)

While Louis wasn’t overly chatty, he was so fucking amazing and had the crowd in the palm of his hand. Everyone was into him and basically him alone. I truly don’t know if anyone came specifically for another artist. (Speaking as an Oldie™️) who is Young Gravy and why is he a thing? He was disgusting.

Oli got stopped for trying to go backstage. My friend goes “what does he do?” And I explained his role and she found it amazing.

I love Louis so much. Bigger Than Me sounds so good live. It’s just going to get better.

They played Harry like 5 times before/during the sets.

I love him. I love him. I love him!

There was also a huge ad for his album on the screens as we were leaving!

See the full post

450 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

Sometimes I’m reminded of Louis going to Barcelona and Harry showing up with the Barcelona coin bracelet just as soon as Louis came back and like I need to lie down. Must be the mold.

459 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

Coachella was an opportunity for the general public and (mostly) non or casual fans to see Harry. These are the people who read the headlines, believe what they are told, and (probably) believe the womanizing het narrative they’ve been sold. But instead of playing it safe, instead of toeing the line, Harry didn’t play. He said rainbow sequin jumpsuit and gay cowboy fantasy with my initials on the ass. These people saw the Harry we have known for 10 plus years. The flamboyant, supportive, funny, talented, flamboyant, goober he is. I hope that at least a small percentage of these people will leave and go “that was gay. That wasn’t the dude I’ve been told about” and question the narrative they’re forced. He isn’t that, and I’m really glad Harry got to prance in front of 100,000 people and be the Harry we know and love. I hope everyone else catches on that HARRY is enough.

829 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Harry having a pretentious music festival forced to sing and listed to “What Makes You Beautiful” a song and fan base that has been constantly disparaged and overlooked by music snobs and executives is probably the best and biggest flex ever.

1,099 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #A nice list

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evelynandcelia · 2 months

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Why Not Take All Of Me?

Read on AO3 here!

CHAPTER 3

Aside from a few wardrobe fittings, Celia and I were between projects, though I was set to leave at the end of the month to shoot Carolina Sunset. Originally, the director wanted to shoot the movie in North Carolina to keep things as geographically accurate as possible. As an early birthday present to me, Harry managed to persuade him to move the filming location to Georgia – just outside of Savannah. Celia could go with me under the guise of visiting family. We would have to fly separately, and we couldn’t stay in the same hotel, but having those few extra days together was all worth it. In a surprising twist, she also invited John to help spark romance rumors. That was her way of saying that she approved of the marriage plan.

The night before my flight to Georgia, I invited Harry over for a round of drinks. It was a bit last minute, but I knew he would agree. I told him it was to celebrate the beginning of our best movie yet. After all, Carolina Sunset had a stellar script and, if we played our cards right, Oscar potential. But I wasn’t entirely forthcoming with him. My main goal for that evening was to get Harry on board with the plan I had hatched in Malibu. Without him, the whole thing was kaputt.

Celia had already asked John if they could get “re-engaged,” and he had gladly agreed. See, John had absolutely zero interest in marrying a heterosexual woman. Unfortunately for him, lesbians in the 1960s weren’t exactly announcing themselves from the treetops. He knew he was lucky that he had found Celia. The very day she called him, he went out and bought her a 9-carat pear-shaped diamond ring.

I was garnishing a pair of old-fashioneds when I heard a knock at the door. Luisa opened it and took Harry’s coat and hat from him. Rex was out for the night, so we had the living room to ourselves. I put on a Frank Sinatra album from Rex’s collection and handed Harry a glass.

“I hope you didn’t have any other plans for tonight.” I settled into the orange loveseat adjacent to Harry and sipped my drink. It was too strong for my liking, but I knew Harry would enjoy it.

“Only being with you,” he said with his characteristic charm.

I knew with Harry, there wasn’t much use beating around the bush. He didn’t like it, and neither did I. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

He took a sip of his drink. “I had a feeling this wasn’t just a celebratory evening between friends. You’ve got something up your sleeve. I can tell.”

I raised a brow and smiled coyly. “Me? Never.”

“You hate old-fashioneds. You’re trying to butter me up. If you weren’t, I’d be drinking a Gibson right now.”

“Oh, alright. You caught me. I’ll just say it. Harry, I want to marry you.”

He looked at me like I had just told him the sky was green and the grass was blue. “You what? ”

“It’s the perfect cover for both of us. After I divorce Rex, I’ll need someone to help disguise my relationship with Celia. You and I have been pictured together countless times, and the tabloids know we’re close friends. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say we fell in love.”

I could almost see the cogs turning in Harry’s head. He was always ferociously clever and never let anything truly surprise him – this proposal included. He simply nodded and took another swig of his cocktail. “It’s crazy, I’ll give you that. But I like it.”

“You do?” I thought he might require more convincing. Marrying a woman didn't seem very high on his list of to-dos. We never talked about what he got up to when I wasn’t around, but I was astute enough to know that he enjoyed the bachelor lifestyle quite a bit.

“If there were any woman I’d be willing to marry, it’d be you, Ev. And, well, I’ve been thinking about how maybe I’d like to have a family one day. A couple of kids sound nice. It would sure make my mother happy. She’s been patiently waiting for me to find a nice girl for a while now.” He put both hands on his knees and lifted his gaze so he could stare at me. “Do you want that too? A son or a daughter?”

Having a child did sound nice, in an abstract sort of way. There hadn’t been a time when the thought of having a baby crossed my mind, but it made sense. I did want to become a mother eventually. Once, my career was where I wanted it to be, and I felt like I had a real home with Celia and Harry.

“Yes, I do. One day.” I paused. “Of course, not anytime soon.”

Harry shook his head. “No, we have too many movies to make.” He smiled. “So when will these nuptials take place?”

I leaned forward a bit conspiratorially. “I think right after Carolina Sunset leaves theaters. I can quietly divorce Rex, and then we can marry a few months later. We can move wherever you want, just so long as Celia and John can buy a place nearby.”

“John? John Braverman?”

I nodded. “Celia is going to marry him. That’s what got this whole idea in my head in the first place. Celia and I can be together, and you and John can see whoever you’d like. We’ll all be free just to live.”

“You’ve got this all figured out, don’t you?”

“Would I be me if I didn’t?”

He chuckles. “I suppose not.

“So, you’ll do it?”

He got up from his seat and stood right before me with his hand out. “You’ve got a deal, Ms. Hugo.”

Harry’s acceptance was all I needed to allow myself to feel true excitement. I had everything I wanted. I was the most famous and well-paid actress in Hollywood. I was with a woman who I loved fiercely. And I was going to marry my best friend. The pieces I'd set into motion were falling into place, and all I had to do was sit back and be pleased with myself.

Rex and I arrived in Georiga and began shooting immediately. Harry had convinced the director to choose Dutch Island as the backdrop for the majority of the scenes. It was a lovely, sleepy town that provided a nice respite from Los Angeles. Even better, it was only half an hour from where Celia grew up. She had flown in the day prior under the guise of getting wedding preparations underway. I think her family thought that was why she was there, too, but John knew better. They had gotten two separate hotel rooms for a reason.

I didn’t even see Celia till the fifth day I was there. The director kept us on a short leash, pushing Rex and me to do reshoot after reshoot. Of course, I wanted to see Celia, but I also knew this movie had the potential to be a smash hit. Rex was offering a lackluster performance, leaving me the opportunity to steal the show. We had already shown the world that we had the sexual chemistry that made for a good movie. But I wanted to show more. I wanted to show them that Evelyn Hugo was an actress who deserved an Oscar.

Naturally, those thoughts conflicted with the images I had in my mind of Celia between my legs every night. I hated being so close to her but having to keep her at arm's length. I wanted her with me constantly. By the fifth day, I decided to risk it. Decked in a hideous black overcoat, bug-eye sunglasses, and a red scarf that covered my hair entirely, I had Harry drive me to the hotel where Celia and John were staying. The thought of paparazzi in Dutch Island, Georgia, was laughable, but I knew to be cautious. My stardom was big enough that paparazzi were starting to travel just to get the rare, blurry photo of me on set. At the last second, I decided to go through the back entrance. It was better to risk being caught by a maid than photographed in what was a very poor disguise.

When I knocked, she barely opened the door. Once I got inside the hotel room, I realized why. Celia was in a lilac-colored negligee. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen her in. While far from a prude, Celia wasn’t one for fancy lingerie. Comfort eclipsed sensuality for her. She wasn’t known by the press for her sexuality, as I was, and she was okay with that. I don’t think she wanted to be known for her sex appeal at all. Her allure was her raw talent; hence the Oscar she had sitting on her bedside table at home.

But the Academy didn’t know the Celia St. James that I knew. My Celia was sexuality personified. And that negligee was all I needed to prove it.

“I’ve missed you,” she said softly.

I shut the door behind me and immediately began dismantling my disguise. The trench coat fell to the floor, followed by my sunglasses and scarf.

“Your smell, your skin…how you taste,” she continued. She was twirling a long red strand of hair around her finger now. The sharp points of her nipples made tiny indents in the silk fabric. They looked like tiny bottle caps, standing at attention. She could be such a tease.

I couldn’t rid myself of my jeans and tank fast enough. When I was stripped down to just my underwear, Celia finally touched me. I swear, by that point, my skin was already smoldering. She pushed me against the edge of the bed until I fell backward.

The negligee was so short that when she lifted her leg to straddle me, I caught a glimpse of the patch of dark, reddish hair guarding her womanhood. Once she situated herself, I could feel her wetness against my thigh. I wondered how long she’d been waiting for me and what she’d gotten up to in the meantime.

When she leaned down, she caught my ear between her teeth and gave my neck a long, languid lick. Her breath smelled of liquor and coffee. “I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t see straight,” she said throatily.

Every inch of me throbbed. That was our little joke – we would ask each other if we love the other “so much they can’t see straight.” I liked the original, but I think I liked Celia’s rendition even more.

“Gladly,” I said. And then I kissed her and began pushing the straps of her negligee down, exposing those pert, pink nipples. They were smaller than mine and lighter in color. The first time I saw her naked, I remember thinking that she had the kind of breasts pinup girls from the 30s and 40s had: firm, with nipples that pointed slightly upward as if to mock gravity’s pull.

I took one of those nipples into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip. Her hips bucked, her pelvis pushing against my own. I could taste the slight saltiness of sweat already building up on her skin.

The angle was awkward, and I wanted to see all of her, so I turned her over and got on top. My hand went between her legs. She was soaked, and her skin was on fire. It was clear to me that she'd been touching herself before I came in.

“Were you having fun without me, Celia?” With our eyes locked, I licked the finger I had used to stroke her. “Couldn’t wait for me?”

Celia blushed like a virgin schoolgirl. “I don’t…”

“Oh, you can’t fool me, Celia St. James.”

In the mid-60s, masturbation was far from uncommon, but it was still very taboo – particularly for women. I had learned at a young age what felt good when it came to my body, and I wasn’t ashamed of it. When I was married to Ernie, I would touch myself after I was sure he was asleep next to me. I would ride out wave after wave of pleasure, knowing full well that he was incapable of giving that kind of pleasure to me. Those moments made me feel in control. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I didn’t have that power – if I couldn’t give myself that kind of pleasure. I think I would’ve been much more afraid of the world.

With Celia, everything was different, of course. Sex with her was beyond anything I’d ever felt, and that includes my time with Don. I loved making love to Celia, but we spent a lot of time apart thanks to our shooting schedules. And when she wasn’t around, I sometimes had to take matters into my own hands – literally.

“Honey, touching yourself when I’m not here is okay.” My hand settled between her breasts, tracing the few freckles that curved along the gentle valley. “It’s also okay to touch yourself when I am here. Let me show you.”

I took her hand and placed it between her legs. Using my fingers, I guided her to the spot I knew she was aching to touch. After that, she didn’t need me there. As demure as she was acting, she clearly knew what she was doing. Her clit poked through its tiny hood, and she urgently circled it with her fingers.

She was moaning and writhing now, using her middle and pointer fingers to bring herself off. Her scent hung heavy in the air. I’d seen her come undone many times, but this voyeuristic perspective was intoxicating. Usually, during sex, I was a bit preoccupied. Here, I could just admire and breathe her in. The way her hair fanned out around her and her lips parted just slightly; I couldn’t resist it. My hand snaked downward. When she came, panting and shaking, I came too. It was the kind of moment that happened incidentally but felt ethereal. It was like we were one body pulsing with a shared ecstasy. I wasn’t sure she had even noticed until she looked over at me with a dreamy smile.

“I think you enjoyed that a little too much.”

“I can’t disagree.” I crawled over to her on the bed and pressed my lips against hers. This time, it was tender and we melted into each other, our arms and legs a tangled mess of limbs on the bed. She cuddled close to me, using my breasts as a cushion.

“It’s absurd, but I still feel like doing that is wrong, somehow,” she whispered. She was drawing circles around my belly button. “The church I attended growing up had a youth program, and they were always spouting about the dangers of self-stimulation .”

“And they had nothing to say about being gay?”

Celia laughed, and I felt her warm breath on my chest. “Oh, they had quite a lot to say about being gay. But by that time, I was already sure I wasn’t attracted to men. I didn’t feel like I could do much to change things in that department.”

“But you could refrain from touching yourself,” I concluded.

“Yes.” She shook her head. “Isn’t that ridiculous? There were so many nights I would just lay there, wanting and feeling so ashamed for wanting. I hate that my family still has some power over me. It makes me sick.”

I didn’t expect Celia’s admission. After all, she was a very sexual woman with needs that, more often than not, surpassed my own. Perhaps there was a reason she was always trying to take my pants off the second I walked through the door. She was pent up.

“It can be hard to shake off what we learn as children,” I replied. I said it to soothe her – not because I meant it. Although I was technically raised as a Catholic, I hadn’t stepped inside a church since before my mother died, barring my numerous wedding ceremonies. And unlike Celia, I had found it all too easy to forget all the details of my childhood that didn’t serve a purpose.

“I suppose so. But, I think I should be able to get past an old, balding man telling me not to touch myself.” She got up on her haunches, her youthful breasts bouncing and swaying as she settled herself. My eyes never strayed from her. I didn’t want to miss a second of what she was offering me. “You watching me, and me knowing you were watching me. It was sublime.”

I grazed her waist with an outstretched hand and then grabbed hold of her hip. “We have all night. I’m going to sneak back to set in the morning.”

“It’s risky. What if someone sees you leaving after spending the night here?”

I was surprised when she argued for prudence. Usually, it was the other way around. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, and I haven’t seen a single photog. Everyone who knows you’re here just thinks you’re planning your wedding with your family. It’ll be fine. I’ll wear that silly disguise and go out the back door, but I’m spending the night in your arms.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” she said, falling back beside me. “I want every inch of you, Evelyn. Give it to me.”

My hand slipping between her slick thighs was my reply.

#seven husbands of evelyn hugo #evelyn hugo #celia st james

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jesuisgourde · 1 year

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curious - how did the 33 1/3 ruin grace for u? those books can b hit or miss since they change authors ..

It was terribly written, for one thing. But more than anything what ruined the album for me was that the woman who wrote it didn't actually have anything to say about the album as a point of interest or unique piece of music, at least in a way that could be built on to make an argument or explore the creation of the album.

I ended up writing a whole long review of the book on goodreads, so I'll just kind of summarize what I said there.

She spends most of the book gushing over how amazing Buckley's voice is, without actually going into what was unique about it, except that it was apparently "rebellious" because he wasn't playing grunge and challenged its philosophy? She doesn't even touch on the album itself until over 1/3 of the way in, and even then it's mostly repeating the same information over and over, just slightly reworded, without actually advancing much of an argument except "Look how beautiful Buckley's voice is, he's such a perfect person who could never do anything wrong." She lists off the same handful of artists that influenced Buckley 13 times in the 157 pages of the book without really talking about how Buckley used that influence, and she talks about how he was influenced by Qawwali music but never actually stops to explain what makes Qawwali music unique or what parts of it influenced him.

Whatever argument she's trying to make about him gets completely overshadowed in the "oh my god I love him so much he's the best thing ever" feedback loop and the repetitive rewording of information, a lot of which is clearly copy/pasted from other articles without citation. This 333 isn't about the album, it's about Buckley, and it reads like a fan mail loveletter written by a teenager hopped up on discount valentine's day candy, trying to sound intellectual. It's cloying and try-hard, in a way that none of the other 333s I've ever read before are. Even the more fannish ones I've read have at least talked about the creation of the album in studio, or went in depth regarding influences, or discussed why the album had such a huge impact on fans, all without being so repetitive. This one didn't have anything to say that was new, analytical, or interesting, and it wasn't creative in terms of its fannish-ness. It rubbed me the wrong way, it was like a gushing hagiography without supplying any new information (except the Qawwali thing, which was never fully discussed or described). I'm not a die-hard Buckley fan, and aside from the Qawwali influence, there wasn't much in the book that I didn't already know from a couple quick google searches; it was mostly just the author doing the book equivalent of writing "Jeff Buckley" in little doodly hearts in her notebook. The album itself is still fine, I just can't listen to it much now because it just makes me think of the book and how painfully, repetitively sugary it was without any good analysis to cut the sticky moon-eyed rambling.

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 2 years

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My top five albums of 2022.

So I’ve decided to take my chances and post this list despite knowing that a certain blondie could still surprise release something near her birthday (looks Evermore’s way after it missing out on being on my 2020 list due to this). But jokes aside, I’ve really enjoyed this year’s music and making this list was no easy task for me, so without further adieu, here are my top five albums of the year:

5. The Loneliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen

Dedicated was the album that got me into Carly’s music, so I was both excited and terrified of The Loneliest Time coming out. Anyone who knows me often knows that the project after a beloved one from an artist often leaves me disappointed. Carly did anything but. From the minute I heard Western Wind and Beach House, I knew I was going to love this album. It’s fun, it’s emotional, it’s introspective and it’s narratively cohesive. Mix that with it being my vibe sonically and Carly really could not have gone wrong. The collaboration with Rufus feels like it added to the song and album as a whole, which is something I often complain about other collaborations not doing and as a whole, every song feels like it belongs and that the album would be worse off without it. Ultimately it is currently rivalling Dedicated as my favourite Carly project and I cannot wait to see her for the first time next March and hear these songs live.

Favourite Song: Go Find Yourself Or Whatever (but Western Wind is a close second)

4. Dawn FM by The Weeknd

Listen, realistically I don’t have much to say about this. Abel doesn’t miss and I would argue that he is the greatest male artist of our time. Dawn FM just highlights that, as does his other work. Musically, Dawn FM remains very in Abel’s style while still remaining fresh. It also has the strengthened introspection that I would argue Abel has been perfecting over his last few projects. It, like everything else on this album, is also very narratively cohesive which I appreciate. While I understand After Hours fans who weren’t thrilled that this album came at the cost of the tour, I highly respect Abel for trusting his gut and following his musical intuition to pursue this project. Much like I have noted that that is a trait that has helped Taylor Swift become the greatest female artist of our generation (in my opinion, also because I know someone will say it, Beyonce has been around long enough that I do not consider her just ‘of our generation’) the same can absolutely be said about Abel in terms of being my pick for the best male artist of our time. Regardless, the album is incredible and as always, I am excited to see what comes next.

Favourite Song: Out Of Time

3. Humble Quest by Maren Morris

This album was my ‘grower, not shower’ pick for this list. The first time I listened to it, I left with the impression of “eh, it’s okay, more cohesive than Girl but not as good as Hero” and for a while, only listened to Background Music, Nervous and Detour. But upon the second listen of the whole album, something clicked and I have loved it more and more with each listen. It’s sweet, it’s humorous and it’s comforting all at once. Out of all the albums on this list, this is probably the one I’ve listened to most purely because its calming effect has been perfect to listen to while alone, whether that be while reading, writing, cleaning or even just sitting there in my own peace (whatever little of it I could find lmao). Whatever comes next, Maren will have big shoes to fill trying to match this album for me.

Favourite Song: Background Music

2. Holy Fvck by Demi Lovato

Is anyone surprised to see this here? Like I joke about artists writing songs/albums for me, but as a recovering addict who loves rock music and had a shitty year, this album really was written for me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, from the minute I heard “Demi leaves rehab again!” I got “I woke up from the dead, I do it all the time” vibes, and with Reputation being my second favourite Taylor album of all time, I knew I was in for a treat then. This album was by far the one I related to most out of this list, to the point of crying several times upon my first listen (I rarely cry to music for reference). It came at the perfect time for me and really just highlighted everything I’ve loved about Demi’s music since the late 2000s. My only disappointment with this album is that I will never hear it (or Demi as a whole) live given their announcement to stop touring, but even then, I full heartedly respect their choice to focus on their health and know it’s for the best. Needless to say though, I cannot wait for their next project.

Favourite Song: Happy Ending

1. The Gods We Can Touch by Aurora

Every year I have an artist I hadn’t/had rarely listened to before take my breath away and make my top five. This year it is Aurora. Before 2022, the only song I had only listened to with Aurora taking part in it was Into The Unknown. Despite years of wanting to check her out, I never found the chance, but figured this album would be a good opportunity/place to start because everyone was listening to it for the first time at the same time. And I’m so glad I did. As a whole, Aurora musically reminds me of Kate Bush and Kate Miller-Heidke (my favourite artist of all time),especially on this album, and I cannot vocalise what a compliment that is. Though I have since gone back and enjoyed her previous work and artistry, there is something about this album that moves me in a way that I rarely have been. It’s thematical, it’s raw, it’s honest and honestly? It’s holy. I cannot tell you all how excited I am not only to see what comes next but to see this album come to life next year (I am also humbly bragging that I have front row tickets while saying that, something that is a first for any artist for me). If you have not had a chance to listen to the album or Aurora as a whole, I implore that you do so as soon as possible. You won’t be disappointment.

Favourite Song: This Could Be A Dream

#carly rae jepsen #the loneliest time #the weeknd #dawn fm #maren morris #humble quest album #demi lovato #holy fvck #Aurora #the gods we can touch

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itsallyscorner · 4 years

Note

request:

maybe like a part 2 where the reader was a singer!

but maybe like everyone in the marvel cast goes to the sweetener world tour to suprised them n congratulate them?

Thank you for the request, hun! I appreciate you for reading my other stuff and suggesting a part 2! Now that I think about it, I might make the whole singer thing into its own series of imagines and headcanons! Just a thought🥰 Happy reading!❤️

A/n: I’ve never been to an Ari concert, so I don’t know the set list, but enjoy my loves❤️

💌.

Sweetener

(She’s so pretty ugh)

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You leaned forward making sure your makeup was all good and to check if your lipstick has smeared onto your face.

“Everything good, hun?” Your makeup artist, Perrie, chirped from behind you. You took a step back, getting one more look.

“Yes Ma’am.” You turned to her and she was holding up the familiar bottle of setting spray.

“One more spray for good measure.” She motioned for you to close your eyes and you did. You breathed in through your nose as you felt the vibrations of the arena. The mix of the music playing out on stage mixed with the cheering of your fans added to your adrenaline.

The tour was finally at Inglewood, California, the last stop of the Sweetener World Tour. You had been traveling around the world for the past 10 months, performing every night in a different country or state. As tiring as it sounded, you absolutely loved the experience. Not only were you traveling and seeing new places, you were meeting your fans from different countries and doing what you loved. After 101 shows and 3 tour legs, it was finally coming to an end. The ending of tour was always bittersweet. You’ve been traveling with multiple people and crew who have grown to be another family. You were going to miss them so much but it was time for you to go back home to your real family. Not only have you missed your parents and siblings, but you also needed the rest. 10 months of nonstop traveling definitely took a toll on you. But nonetheless, it was all worth it.

“All done!” You opened your eyes to see Perrie smiling at you.

“Thank you so much!” You pulled her into a hug as your eyes began to water. You groaned playfully and tilted your head back.

“I’m gonna miss you doing my makeup everyday. Ugh, I haven’t even gone out on stage yet and I’m crying already.” You laughed through tears as Perrie began to protest.

“(Y/n), I swear if you mess up your makeup, you’re never going to hear the end of it. Cry later!” She laughed as she tried to get you to stop the tears from falling.

She gripped onto your arms and yelled, “NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY REMEMBER?” You bursted out laughing at her reference. You waved your hands at your eyes and when they finally felt normal, you looked straight.

“Okok, I think I’m good.” You released a breath as you smiled sweetly at her, “I love you!” You giggled pulling her into another hug.

“I love you too, darling. Have fun out there, you’re going to do amazing like always.” She squeezed you tight before letting you go. Victoria, one of your dancers and friend, peaked her head into the room.

“You ready? They’re waiting for you in the circle.” She informed you holding a hand out. The circle was like a pre-show ritual you had backstage with all the dancers and crew. You took her hand as you all walked out the makeup room. Your heels clicked against the floors, echoing in the hallway. The closer you got to the stage the louder the fans got and the stronger the vibrations got.

The circle was already gathered with all the dancers and crew. When Scott, another one of your dancers and friend, noticed you he began to cheer. Everyone followed along as you entered the circle. You were tucked in between Scott and Brian, who were twins. The two have been your dancers since the beginning and still are how many years later. You were truly grateful for them and everyone who was included in your Sweetener family.

“Damn. Last show ya’ll!” You began causing them to all cheer. You waited till they quieted down, shyly laughing, before continuing.

“Um, I don’t wanna get all emotional and shit right before going on stage. I’m gonna look like a mess out there with my mascara running down my face. Perrie I’m sorry!” You laughed. “I just wanna say, thank you to every single one of y’all. You guys have been the most fucking amazing people to work with. You guys have been working day and night to make the show as spectacular as it is and I love you all so much. You guys are my family and I can’t wait to write another album so I can tour with y’all again. I just want to hug every single one of you, you guys mean so much to me. Like literally, from the bottom of my heart I love all of you so much. I know I’ve said that like multiple times, but I really mean it. Y’all are gonna get a fatass check after this.” You finished making everyone laughing again. By now a few tears have made its way down your face. You even saw a few people’s eyes well up.

You laughed as you heard a chorus of “I love yous” as everyone squeezed in for a group hug.

“Alright! That’s enough crying, let’s get this show on the road!” You cheered to help everyone from crying. Everyone moved out the circle and got into places.

Before you can get in place, Perrie pulled you aside to fix up your makeup. Your stylists began smoothing out your skirt and making sure your knee high boots were securely on. Next was to get your earpiece on while one of the stage hands gave you your mic. From backstage you could hear the intro to the concert playing causing the fans to scream louder.

You got into place as you got the signal to start singing. You sang the opening lyrics of Raindrops (An Angel Cried) and began to smile as your fans sang along.

The platform began to move up when you finished and the beat of God Is A Woman began to play. You were now on the stage, the sea of white lights looking back at you. The adrenaline was still running through your veins. You performed the song, acing every move of the dance you’ve learned 10 months ago.

When the last note of God Is A Woman played, all the lights turned off except for the red lights on the stage.

“INGLEWOOD!” You yelled into your mic, your fans cheering even louder than before. You shared an excited smile with Brian.

“Welcome to the Sweetener World Tour!” And with that the opening notes of Bad Idea began to play, the show finally kicking off.

You were in the middle of singing R.E.M which was part of Act 2 of the concert. You moved towards the pit to see familiar faces beaming up at you.

“Boy, you’re such a drea— oh my god!” You squealed as you saw the pit full of your Marvel cast mates. You saw all the Chris’, both of the Tom’s, Robert, Scarlett, Elizabeth, almost everyone you’ve worked with in Marvel was there. You got down to your knees to touch their outstretched hands.

The fans screamed as the camera from stage panned down to the pit where all the actors were. You took the mic away from your mouth and leaned down to them.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked them through the loud arena.

Scarlett, Brie, and Lizzie were the nearest to the stage.

“We’re here to surprise you! It’s your last show and we wanted to be here for it!” Scarlett yelled over the track that was playing.

“We’ll catch up later, keep going!” Lizzie urged you to continue the concert with a toothy grin.

You held onto Brie’s hand as you sang to them, “Inglewood let me hear ya’ll! Excuse me um...”

“I LOVE YOU!” The fans sang back to you, including your cast mates. You dusted your knees off and continued to walk around the ramp. Before you could leave, you sent an excited wave to Brie and the rest of them.

~After the show~

You hopped off the platform that brought you down from the stage and were greeted by a bunch of congratulations and cheering. You and your dancers shared another group hug.

“(Y/N)!” You heard a familiar voice yell. You follow the voice and see Anthony waving at you with his infamous grin. He was accompanied by the rest of the cast behind him. You run towards them and jump into Anthony’s outstretched arms.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sweaty, but I’m so happy to see all of you!” You wrapped your arms around Anthony’s neck as he spun the two of you around. He let you go and you were suddenly being pulled into hugs by everyone.

When you got to Robert, a proud smile was on his face as he cradled your face, “Sweetheart, that was amazing. You’ve outdone yourself.” He pressed a fatherly kiss to your forehead and pulled you into a hug.

“Thank you.” You laughed, your eyes welling up with tears once again. Next was Chris (E) who playfully shoved Robert.

“Stop it, you’re hogging her! Let me hug (y/n)!” He childishly whined. He gasped when he saw your eyes watering.

“And you made her cry! C’mere.” His arms enveloped around you as he hugged you tightly.

In your ear his whispered, “You absolutely killed it.”

You thank him and move on to Scarlett who already had her arms out for you, “Surprise!”

“This was your idea?” You asked her as she hugged you. A cheeky grin quirked on her lips.

“Maybe” she teased dragging the ‘e’. You hugged her again as she laughed into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Scar. This means so much.”

“It’s not a problem, honey. We just wanted to see you together while you did your thing up on stage.”

You were now full on crying through a smile as your Marvel family showed you mass amounts of love. You stumbled into Tom (Holland) who instantly grabbed you into a bear hug. Tom’s actually seen your show in London with his friends and brothers, so this was his second time seeing you perform.

“You know what’s so crazy?” He asked you leaning down to your ear so you can hear him.

“What?”

“It’s literally just as great as it was in London. Like everything looks the same, you sound exactly the same, everything! The show was fantastic!” He looked at you with wide eyes with so much amazement on his face.

You laughed at him and patted his shoulder, “Thank you, Tom.”

Suddenly there was a commotion a few feet away from you. You saw Robert standing on one of the cases your crew used to store equipment in.

“ATTENTION EVERYONE!” When everyone backstage was looking at him Robert sent them a sweet smile and was handed a megaphone.

“Alright, so I gotta say, (y/n), you definitely know how to throw a show. Everyone who was part of this tour, your hard work pays off because that show was the most fun I’ve had in a while! (Y/n), you keep surprising us everyday with your talent and I hope you get to do more of what you love in the future. As my way of thanking you all for throwing such an amazing night, I want to take out every single one of you for dinner! I just rented out a whole restaurant just for all of us and I hope to see all of you there!” Robert said into the megaphone. A round of cheers and claps were heard from everyone at the announcement. As everyone began to file out, you were being called to get out of your costume.

Before you can turn to leave you hugged Robert and looked at all your cast mates who showed up for the night.

“Thank you guys for being here, it really means a lot.” You sniffled, wiping a tear from your face.

“And you, I can’t believe you rented out a restaurant for my crew, thank you Robert.” The older man just waves you off as he slung his arm around your shoulder.

“Not a problem, sweetheart. We wanted to be here and we are all so proud of you, you’ve come a long way, (y/n).” He gave your shoulders a squeeze.

“Now run along now, you still need to get changed and I’m starving. Go.” He teasingly turned you towards your stylists. You rolled your eyes as you waved at all of them.

“We’ll see you at the restaurant!” You heard Brie yell after you. You quickly turn back, “OK, I LOVE YOU!”

The further you got you heard Evans scream, “I LOVE YOU TOO!” You turned down the hall, your laugh echoing against its walls.

That was definitely one way to end a tour.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #marvel cast x reader #robert downey jr x reader #Scarlett Johansson x reader #anthony mackie x reader #brie larson x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #Brie Larson #Scarlett Johansson #anthony mackie #robert downey jr #ally’s requests

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nopperabounet · 2 years

Text

For the Star Man, Hidehiko Hoshino, on his birthday~ 💖💖💖✨🎇🥂

Fish Tank 103 Interview with Hoshino Hidehiko Reporter: Okubo Yuka Translation: Lola

Since the completion of the Budoukan performance at the close of last year, how have you spent the new year?

Just relaxing, I went snowboarding but aside from that it's mostly been all about chilling *smiles* . . . . . . and feeling like maybe I should start working on some songs.

Are you thinking about the next album?

Since the year has started we're still trying to iron out plans for a tour, but before that can happen we have to record something. Like the next album.

According to the announcements at Budoukan, the next album was scheduled to release in the spring of next year right?

Right. It feels like we're continuing to make progress towards that just by doing what we can in the meantime.

This may be too forward of me to ask but, do you have any idea about the concept of the next album?

For the time being when it comes to a concept, the plan is to change things up a little. But I can't really give minute details *smiles*. I'd say that's always how it feels, each time we change things up a bit.

Up till now I feel like you've always managed to come up with something that feels new with each album you put out so would you say that changing things up is something that is often on your mind?

I would say it feels more like wondering if we can do something a little more fresh each time.

I'm really looking forward to it. But for now I'd like to look back on last year's Budoukan show.

Budoukan . . . . . . man, that was so long ago *laughs*.

Yeah, it's already been three months *smiles*.

I'm just really glad we were able to have a show there safely for the first time in a year. Like thinking about how to ventilate and things, and the flow of the show given that we'd be separating it into two parts and I wasn't sure if that'd work but it seems like it did. From the opening to the break, and then from there to the end it all felt like one story, and we had the pierrot appearing too right? I think that helped the second part of the performance.

Certainly I felt like the audience enjoyed the pierrot's appearance too like during the intermission.

It was Sakurai's idea. Like he wanted people to be able to enjoy the period of time where we had to ventilate too right, and to make that part of the performance, and I'm super glad it worked.

Unlike the live stream, it wasn't organized into separate parts of acoustic and band sound right.

Regarding the acoustic version of the set for the "Show After Dark~", I mean it worked perfectly but rather than think oh, let's just do that again, we wanted to try something a little new but in keeping with the same atmosphere of the "Show After Dark." So from there rather than separate acoustic and band sound, we jumbled them all together in order to illustrate the various facets of the "Show After Dark" in a fresh new way.

I see. How did you come to the decision regarding which songs would be in the first and second acts of the show in that case?

Sakurai played a huge part in thinking about the flow of the narrative. But you know I was also thinking about how it'd be good to start off with "DIABOLO." The whole thing had to have that feeling like ok this is what happens when the curtain falls. At first it was decided that both acts needed a clear opening and close and from there we fiddled around with things till it had the right feeling.

In the previous issue, Sakurai-san told me you didn't even put your own songs on the list *smiles*.

Yeah *smiles*. But somehow all of a sudden "Rakuen" and "Shanikusai-Carnival" were on there though *smiles*. I'm glad though because they did suit the atmosphere. It's just because there was such emphasis on the atmosphere, and song choice was instrumental in creating that, and not because I was like oh well, my songs don't fit.

Songs like "Rakuen", "Shanikusai-Carnival", and "Lullaby - III" all do contribute to the atmosphere in a magical way, it's incredible.

It's true, they did fit well, I realize that now that we've tried it. Even though I'm not that one who suggested them *smiles*. Having the torchlight really fit well too I think.

Anything else occur that left an impression?

The opening of course. From the SE to "DIABOLO", I thought it was right on point, like yes the curtain has fallen here we go, just perfect the whole thing. And then the second act closing with "Alice in Wonder Underground" with the pierrot joining in really gave that incredible feeling that yes, things are coming to a close. I thought there was this incredible unified feeling throughout.

It was also your first time performing "Go-Go B-T Train" and "Koi" live.

Yes, right. Naturally they ended up as part of the encore which worked out well too right?

Regarding "Koi", while creating the image and story for it while writing the song you must have had something in mind so upon seeing the image created during the live did you find it different than what you had wanted to try to do?

I think it got pretty close actually. I even asked the lighting people to make a few little adjustments for me you know. I told them I thought it'd be better if the lighting had this feeling of transparency and because they did that for me it really fit the image so I'm happy about that.

So it was you then who requested the lighting.

Usually I just leave it to them you know. Before the actual show, the lighting team was practicing and I got to see what they were doing. When I saw what they were doing for "Koi", I asked them to make it a little lighter, less saturated in color, because I thought it'd be a good way to illustrate that feeling of clarity.

I heard you also had a new ear monitor.

Oh! Yeah! It finally got to make its debut. I was pretty much prepared for it. Even though it has its good points and I knew that, I'm not usually in a position where I can say that yes this one is the best without question! You know? But this time I feel like it worked really well.

Had you not used one till now?

For some songs, like with Jupiter, I had the counts for when to come in. It was only for a few particular songs though. Those times rather than get one suited to me, I borrowed one from the PA people. So this was the first time I had my own ear monitor for all of the songs. Until then I guess you could say I just performed with whatever I could get.

And how did you find it, actually?

Of course it felt lonely because the sense of realism is diluted when you can't get a proper taste of the venue's atmosphere. Although I guess given that the audience wasn't allowed to be vocal, that sense of realism wouldn't have been there anyway.

But how did you find it given that you were wearing it from the start all the way through?

Well I had already used one for the original "Show After Dark~". Because it was absolutely necessary for the acoustic part. So, I kind of figured that's how it would be like when I'd use it for the Budoukan show, and that's why I planned on using it. But you know it's not like I had pre-planned it really, it was more the result of knowing this was a long awaited performance, and so I figured I'd give it a try.

Which sound do you listen to mainly with your ear monitor, Hoshino-san?

Basically the same as before, drums and vocals. Generally I have the drums and my guitar parts as the focus, with the vocals as like a background, and usually as long as I have those three parts, I'm good. But when you wear an ear monitor, you do hear all five members really well.

That being said, has wearing one changed anything for you, Hoshino-san?

I mean it's incredibly vivid you know, you can't cheat. So if someone messes up, it really stands out *laughs*. I mean there were times I was worried about it at Budoukan, but what can you do? *smiles*

That reminds me, speaking of Budoukan, in the pamphlet used there is a picture of you applying Sakurai-san's lipstick. I'd like to hear the details on how that came about.

Well, see, that was a request from (our designer) Akita-san, he wanted my hand to be the one putting on Sakurai-san's lipstick. I think he was going for a playful feeling you know like maybe, maybe~ if people see this it will give them . . . . . . ideas. I thought it was very on brand for Akita-san.

How did it feel?

Like I was grabbing Sakurai-san's jaw too firmly *laughs*. But I tried to do it with restraint! *smiles*

There was also a tour announced for fan club and mobile members. What kind of tour do you think you'd like to have?

Even though our previous scheduled fan club and mobile tour was cancelled in the end, I don't necessarily want this one to just be a transfer, but about what can we do that's new this time, I think I'd like it to feel special. It's been a long time since we've been in live houses too, so I'm looking forward to that.

It's even the year of your 35th anniversary, so it seems you'll be immersed in lives.

Right. Even amidst everything going on in the world. That's why I'm so happy we get to be able to have a tour, in addition to it being our 35th anniversary, and I know there's a lot of apprehension about it all, but I think if we're able to overcome our fears we'll have fun. I think we have to just go out there with that feeling that it's something special.

Finally, if you would leave us with a message please.

I really am glad that we're able to have a tour for fan club and mobile members, and I hope that soon we'll be able to celebrate together. Let's enjoy it together.

#buck tick #buck-tick #hoshino hidehiko #hidehiko hoshino

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obviouslygenuinely · 3 years

Text

Babygate Analysis/Conclusions: A Non-Larry Perspective

(Image Credit: Hollywood Life)

I'm prefacing this post with a few disclaimers:

After some consideration, I chose to write this without factoring in Larry whatsoever. No Larry-related points, proof, or speculation in any way. This is solely analyzing babygate from an unbiased perspective.

I don't claim to know the entire truth. It is impossible for any of us to know. What I conclude is based on direct evidence, circumstantial evidence, research, and analysis.

I am willing to discuss opposing views. I’m happy to talk about the topic in a civil, kind, and mature matter. I will dismiss any discourse that is aggressive, immature, and so on.

I did not include every single opinion/conclusion/piece of evidence I found. I condensed my thoughts as much as possible (and this is still a novel-length post). There are so many more points I can think of. However, babygate masterposts cover all of that; I’ll link to some of those at the end.

The conclusion points aren't in a very specific order. I aimed to list related points one after another. Aside from that, it's not in order of "hardest to weakest" evidence.

Please read “Author’s Notes” for additional clarity/input. They interject thoughts/etc. that I feel are necessary to include.

Lastly, I included links to every source I cited in this post. However, I did not tag the Tumblr users. I’m not sure if they are comfortable with having Babygate questions/comments directed to their blogs. If you are a linked source and want to be tagged, please let me know!

My Initial Reaction To Babygate

In February of 2020, I received several messages on LateToLarry requesting that I analyze something called “babygate”. I had no idea what babygate meant at the time.

I learned what it meant, and prior to any research I felt the theory was so absurd. I also felt uncomfortable analyzing it because I believed I’d feel bias as a single mom. The idea of discussing a random child in depth initially bothered me, too. I declined to analyze it last year.

However, I did a LOT of research over time. My opinion has changed significantly. Below, I’ve shared my main conclusions and analysis about babygate. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my post!

1. No Paternity Test Was Performed Prior To The Pregnancy Announcement

Louis was/is a prominent celebrity and has a current net worth of $70 million. From legal, financial, and practical standpoints, it makes no sense for him to choose not to get a test.

It’s unheard of in Hollywood and the entertainment industry. Any sensible team -lawyers, PR reps, managers, advisors, etc. - would not just go along with it. They are employed to protect his career and image.

The Opposing Views

A. “Briana/Louis didn’t want to risk miscarriage with prenatal testing.”

Non-invasive testing is completely safe for fetuses and pregnant women, so there’s no medical reason for the lack of testing.

B. “Louis chose not to get the test done because he wanted to be a father and was invested in the pregnancy/parenting.”

Time has shown that this is not true. Louis does not have custody; there was a brief custody case in 2016 that led nowhere. He does not have a consistent or prominent role in the child’s life.

Conclusion

There is no logical reason for the lack of paternity testing prior to the announcement unless Louis knew he was not the father and all parties knew this to be true.

2. There Was No Confirmation Of A Paternity Test After The Birth

I’ll keep this section fairly short. A quick Google search returns dozens of conflicting reports. Many of them state that Louis demanded a paternity test shortly after birth. Other reports state that he has never pursued a paternity test.

Here are a few examples:

“Louis Tomlinson not interested in paternity test” - Business Standard

“EXCLUSIVE: Louis Tomlinson Demanded a DNA Test “As Soon as the Baby Was Born”” - InTouch Weekly

“Louis Tomlinson: No DNA Test Needed ... Positive Freddie's His Son” -TMZ

“Louis Tomlinson & Briana Jungwirth: WhyHe Had DNA Test Done on His Newborn Son” - Hollywood Life

This Twitter thread discusses TMZ reports that - as of 2020 - no DNA test was done.

Conclusion

There is no reliable confirmation that Louis pursued a paternity test. The media cannot come to a general/factual consensus.

Again, there is no reasonable explanation for the lack of paternity testing unless Louis knows he is not the father of the child.

3. The Conception-To-Birth Timeline Is Inconsistent/Unreliable

Pregnancy and conception as a whole can be rather confusing; timelines from conception to birth are unique to each person. Having said that, Briana’s timeline is full of glaring inconsistencies that don’t add up.

I’ll begin with this timeline based on bulletprooflarry’s post and my own research. Dates I’ve added myself include linked sources:

May 5th, 2015 - Louis and Briana were first seen together in public.

May 6th to May 31st, 2015 - Briana and her mom followed baby-related social medial accounts.

May 12th, 2015 - Louis and Briana were pictured together in public.

July 3rd, 2015 - Louis is seen with Briana’s brother in Hollywood.

July 14th, 2015 - The first pregnancy report is published.

August 4th, 2015 - Louis confirms pregnancy on GMA.

January 21st, 2016 - The child is reportedly born.

Based on the dates above, these are the possible dates/milestones for her pregnancy:

Scenario A - If conception occurred on May 5th, Briana was 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant on January 21st, 2016. This is considered an early-term birth and about 26% of births occur at 37 weeks.

Scenario B - If conception occurred on May 12th, Briana was 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant on January 21st. This is considered a late-term or late premature birth and about 10% of births occur at 36 weeks.

These dates matter because Briana’s alleged hospital stay was not consistent with a premature or early-term birth. She was pictured in public - healthy and holding a baby carrier - within one week of giving birth.

(Image Credit: Daily Mail)

(Image Credit: larrysbbrbb28)

If she gave birth based on the dates above, it’s extremely unlikely that she or the baby would be out in public so soon.

Below are screenshots of an additional timeline from an archived Tumblr post. It provides excellent points about more timeline inconsistencies:

The main inconsistencies and red flags are bolded in the post. It supports the unreliable conception timeline, and it also mentions my next point - the official pregnancy announcement.

The post above mentions that the Jungwirth family followed baby-related accounts before Briana could possibly know she was pregnant. Here’s one screenshot from skepticallarrie proving it:

I’ve also seen several posts that show inconsistencies with the size of Briana’s baby bump. Unfortunately, the most reliable post no longer exists. You can view a web archive of Briana’s pregnancy photos, but most of the image links are broke.

The only post I have saved is a web archive of a long babygate post. The beginning of the post contains photos showing discrepancies in the size of Briana’s baby bump.

The Opposing Views

“Pregnancy looks different on everybody, everyone recovers differently, etc.”

Yes, this is true and a valid point! As a woman who has gone through multiple pregnancies and two live births, I truly understand this argument.

However, the sheer amount of inconsistencies are what make this a red flag. There are too many unreliable and contradicting points to brush this off. It goes beyond the point of “well, each person has a different experience”.

Conclusion

There are a few conclusions/scenarios I believe you can draw from the information above:

Briana was pregnant prior to meeting Louis.

Briana was never pregnant in the first place.

Both are valid to consider, but I personally believe she was never pregnant.

(Author’s note: My calculation for dates are based on the date of alleged conception. Most due date calculators, by default, use the date of a woman’s last mentrual period - LMP - to provide estimations.

I also used Date Duration Calendar for my calculations. Accessible due date calculators only allowed me to input dates from 2019/2020. Depending on the tools and dates you use, your mileage may vary.)

4. The Announcement Itself Was Highly Unusual

This point ties into the first and third points. I don’t consider it a major piece of evidence, but it’s noteworthy due to the other points.

So, there are a few reasons why the Good Morning America announcement stands out.

A. If Briana got pregnant on May 5th, then she was approximately 10 weeks pregnant when the first pregnancy report was published. This also means she was approximately 13 weeks pregnant at the time of the GMA announcement.

If Briana got pregnant on May 12th, she was approximately nine weeks pregnant at the time of the first report and approximately 12 weeks pregnant at the time of the GMA announcement.

B. The public announcement on Good Morning America raises a lot of questions. I’ve had multiple issues embedding the video; the bolded link takes you to the GMA announcement on YouTube.

Anyways, these questions/thoughts - disregarding any Larry theories - come to mind when watching the video:

This is a segment for promoting/discussing their album/music.

The baby announcement is the sole non-album/music related topic that is mentioned during the segment.

The announcement is not organically worked into the segment as a natural talking point.

Louis’ reactions - such as bringing the microphone to his lips and not talking - is very unlike his standard interview demeanor.

The male interviewer and the band members have noticeable facial expressions and body language that suggest discomfort, stress, or awkwardness.

A post by skepticalarrie draws similar conclusions. Her post is much more detailed than mine, and I highly recommend reading/viewing it.

(Author’s Note: I’ve touched upon this on LateToLarry and will make a post here eventually, but body language and facial expressions are valid. They’re valid to the point that they are used in court cases.)

Conclusion

My conclusions here are twofold. One is that:

Announcing a pregnancy - especially a celebrity-related pregnancy - this early is extremely uncommon and unlikely.

The announcement itself seems out of place and very forced.

This particular point, to me, is not extremely strong evidence. I still think it’s worth keeping in mind and is relevant to other points here. So, I’ve included it either way.

5. Briana Posted Stolen Pregnancy/Baby Photos On Social Media

(EDIT: I wrote this piece before the recent release of Briana’s alleged ultrasound and don’t have time to add it. It’s pretty strong proof and can easily be found in recent babygate posts.)

Babygate posts often point out that Briana and the Jungwirth family used stolen/fake pregnancy and baby photos on social media. It’s a well-known topic that’s often discussed.

I’m condensing this section to a few examples. I encourage additional research if you’d like to see more.

A. This Tumblr post shows stolen baby bump photos that Briana’s cousin Ashley posted on Twitter:

B. This Tumblr post and Twitter post show a stolen baby photo that Briana posted on Instagram:

(Author’s Note: Since I was not active in the fandom at the time, I am relying on information from other blogs and social media posts. I vetted my sources pretty well, but any false information is my own mistake.)

Conclusions

The only word that sums this up is “suspicious”. Using stolen photos of a pregnant woman/baby is not necessary if you are legitimately pregnant. That’s really what it boils down to. It lends to the conclusion that Briana was never pregnant.

6. Photos And Videos Of The Child Are Heavily Altered And Manipulated

It is indisputable that many photos and videos of the child are heavily manipulated to alter his appearance. This goes beyond filters, lighting, and angles.

Several detailed posts show the manipulations; here are some examples:

A web archive of all Photoshop evidence from tellmethisisnotlove

An in-depth post from genuineconspiracy that includes detailed photo evidence.

A video post from freefreddiereign that shows Photoshop evidence based on photos the child.

There is no doubt that his facial features are frequently altered. This is easy to conclude using any free software that detects Photoshop. As a photographer myself, I can easily spot the manipulations.

(Author’s Note: I know that directly discussing the child is controversial. When I first heard of babygate, my initial reaction was discomfort about analyzing a child.

I quickly learned/concluded that his family members are responsible for heavily putting him in the public eye. All content I’ve used for research is based on the family’s posts.

Still, I have personally chosen not post pictures of the child, but the links I am sharing contain photos/videos of him.

Additionally, I used FotoForensics on photos of myself prior to writing this. It was important to me to feel absolutely certain about this point. I’m fine with sharing my own FotoForensics images if anyone is curious.)

The Opposing Views

A. “Freddie looks like Louis in pictures that aren’t Photoshopped.”

Parentage cannot be based on whether or not a child looks like his mother/father. I understand the viewpoint, but it’s simply not evidence. Additionally, thinking the child looks like Louis is a matter of opinion.

There’s also the fact that appearance means nothing overall. Science backs up this statement very well. Examples and references:

“How can children from the same parents look so different?” by HowStuffWorks

“My Baby Looks Nothing Like Me: A Genetic Explanation” by FamilyEducation

Additionally, here is a personal anecdote. I have two sons close to Freddie’s age. One of them looks exactly like his father and nothing like me. The other looks exactly like me and nothing like his father. Despite how they look, they are both of them are our biological children.

Conclusion

There is no reasonable explanation for altering the child’s appearance - particularly to make him look more similar to Louis.

I cannot think of a single argument as to why the Jungwirth family would do this unless they need/want the child to look a specific way.

7. Johannah Deakin’s Official Obituary Does Not Mention The Child

When looking into babygate, I read the argument that the child is legitimately Louis’ son because he is listed as her grandchild in Internet-based obituaries and announcements.

I also read the counter-argument that Louis’ mother’s official newspaper/print obituary does not mention the child. I recall seeing proof, but I did not save it at the time. I did some research and this appears to be true.

The Doncaster Free Press is a local weekly newspaper in Doncaster, and it published an article about the funeral. The article is NOT an obituary itself, but it does list her obituary details. The publication does not list the child among the surviving family members.

If a mistake is made regarding these details, it’s typical for newspapers to post a correction addressing a misprint. Upon further research, the Doncaster Free Press did not issue a correction at any time.

(Author’s Note: I lost my own mother and am personally familiar with how local obituaries are written. Immediate family members - i.e. spouses and adult children - provide information regarding surviving family members.)

Conclusion

The conclusion here is straightforward. Louis and his family chose not to include the child in his mother’s official obituary. This strongly suggests that he is not legitimately related to Louis.

My Opinion-Based Conclusions

Update: After some consideration, I am saving my opinion-based conclusions for a separate post. I originally intended to include them here; transparency is important to me.

Unfortunately, the section became rather long and took away from the main post points. So, I’ll be working on a post that’s just my opinion-based conclusions. In the meantime, feel free to message me with any questions.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my post! I appreciate the interest expressed for it, and I hope it lives up to expectations.

Again, I want to reiterate this is:

Not an all-inclusive post; I narrowed down my findings to seven points.

Not a masterpost on babygate.

Purposely omitting any potential Larry-related points to remove bias.

I’ve reread this quite a few times, and it’s as error-free as possible. If you spot any mistakes/errors, I’m completely open to making corrections. Just kindly let me know.

This list contains references/research about babygate that I consider the most reliable. It includes Larry and non-Larry related Babygate content.

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by Tumblr use genuineconspiracy.

A web archive of babygate posts by Tumblr user tellmethisisnotlove (her account was deactivated by staff).

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by darkrainbowlouis.

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by skepticalarrie.

Lastly, if there’s interest in an opinion-related post or Larry-related post, I’ll consider writing them. Feel free to let me know as you all did with this post.

Thanks!

Amy (obviouslygenuinely/latetolarry)

#babygate #bg #louis tomlinson #briana jungwirth #freddie Tomlinson #baby tomlinson #end it #larry #larry stylinson #analysis

983 notes · View notes

writingsfromhome · 3 years

Text

Crystal Clear

A/N: Here’s some fluff, friends to lovers I’ve had going on while I work on something bigger :))

----------------------------------------

“Y/N,” a strange man calls my name. I look him up and down but I don’t think I know him.

“Who’s asking?”

“Y/N, it’s me? Harry.”

“Oh,” I laugh and greet him how I would have if I’d recognized him under all those layers, in a great big hug. “Your disguise is brilliant!”

“It’s not a disguise,” he says into his coat. “It’s bloody cold here.”

“Coldest day so far,” I accept the hot chocolate from the vendor and ask him for another, Harry could use one, poor thing. His plans this week were changed last minute, and since he was in New York City where his best childhood friend lived, he decided to actually hang out with me. Ever since he got famous, it was hard to catch time with him.

“Did the cold freeze all the English out of you? You’re not even wearing mittens,” Harry accepts his own cup from the vendor.

“I’m got them in my pocket,” I point to the bulge on the side of my coat as we step aside and make our way deeper into the winter festival that was at Bryant Park. “Don’t insult me, I can still make a better cup of tea than you ever could.”

“There she is,” I hear the smile in Harry’s voice more than I see it. It truly was ridiculous--not only was he wearing the thickest parka I’d ever seen, he also had on a beanie and a scarf, as well as knit gloves that held tightly to his hot chocolate.

“I’m always here, you’re just too busy to see me.”

“Not this again,” he groans. I was always giving him grief every time he touched down to NYC but didn’t pop by for a visit. I knew he had a hectic schedule, and even though I wasn’t that bothered I still liked to tease him.

“It’s true, you come to the city so often but I see you once a year. And maybe again when I’m in London if I get lucky.”

“I’m busy Y/N, I talk to you all the time!”

“I know,” I elbow him. “I just like to rile you up.”

“Well now that you’ve got that out of your system,” he tugs my hat over my eyes. “Where are we going next?”

I push it back up, “I thought we could just wander the shops, then get on the skating rink if you’re not frozen to death.”

“Alright I’ve got to pick some gifts up anyway let’s see what’s here.”

We make a good team as we visit stands selling ornaments and kitschy decor, handmade gifts, and hot cider. We sift through exactly what we might want, or what the other’s looking for. And with the light dusting of snow coming down, and the bright lights strung around the Park, it was like walking in a Christmas movie.

“Look at this,” I point ahead. We’d nearly visited all the stands and holiday shops but a festive psychic advertises their services in a small glass booth. “Should we?”

“It’s a waste of money,” Harry scoffs. “She’s just going to read your body language.”

“She might be the real deal-”

“You can’t be serious-”

“C’mon!” I tug his gloves hand and it takes a few but he stumbles towards me. It’s slightly warmer inside and I notice the space heater running in the corner. “At least it’s warm” I whisper to Harry.

“You really want to do this?” He asks one last time.

“It’s just $10-”

“$20 for the two,” the woman almost shifts out of the wall and I hide my jump with a laugh. There’s a curtain behind her, I realize, she must have stepped out.

“It’s just me,” I clarify.

She eyes Harry and Harry eyes her back. “You look familiar.”

“Just have that face,” he shrugs, burrowing into his scarf. “I’m just here to watch.”

She stares at him a moment longer before settling at the small table. I flash Harry a smile before sitting down myself, setting my bags onto the floor.

“Palm reading, cards, what will it be dear?” The psychic asks. I remember the sign out front said cards would be more than having my palm read so I opt for the cheaper option.

“Hm,” she says thoughtfully as she traces the lines on my palm. I wriggle my eyebrows at Harry and he rolls his eyes, but he stays watching her like a hawk. It was cute how overprotective he got sometimes. The psychic glances up to catch him watching her, she then glances at me and tilts her head.

“I see longevity, in life and love, a few bumps but you’re a strong persistent woman.”

Harry grumbles behind me and I resist the urge to say something to him.

“I see success after hard, hard work. But a big success that will change the course of your career.”

“Wow, how soon?” I ask.

“Mmm, after a big milestone. Turning 30?” she continues to examine my hand. “I see a second life later in life, with kids...just one no maybe two children.”

“How about her love life?” Harry asks. “Her last love s’not too nice.”

“Seriously Harry?” I turn to glare this time. He’s grinning with flushed cheeks, knowing it was a sore spot he liked to say i told you so to. It was true, he had told me so about my 3 year relationship but I’d ignored him.

“Your love life,’ the woman speaks up. “Shows me two great loves. One cuts short, the other is as long as your life line.”

“Ooh,” I lean in, interested. “I think I know about the one that was cut short. Tell me about the second!”

“This second...” she traces my palm and I feel a tingle. “This second love is very close, a bit rocky but it will last.”

“A bit rocky?”

“Hm,” she chews her bottom lip. “Time, distance...it will make it rocky. But it lasts.”

“So how close is close?” I ask eagerly.

“Close,” she says with a smile that tells me I wasn’t getting anything else out of her.

“That’s a bit vague isn’t it?” Harry pipes up from the back.

“The future isn’t always crystal clear,” she says without looking up at him.

“Lay off,” I scold him.

“It’s okay, I get nonbelievers all the time.” She laughs. “That will be $10 dear.” When I hand her the bill she stops me as she takes it. “A little free advice?”

“Sure.” I pick up the bags I placed on the floor earlier.

"Don’t be so focused on the life you want that you don’t see the life you have around you.”

“I’ve actually told her that before,” Harry decides we want more of his unsolicited opinions. “Maybe there is something true to all of this.”

“Thanks,” I pocket her words for later. Harry was right, he’d said something along those lines to me before, especially when it came to giving up control and going with the flow on trips and events with him. I always declined his offers, we lived a modest life growing up and accepting these gifts from him always felt so excessive. I wanted to make my own way in the world, but Harry always had something to say. “And sorry for his attitude, he’s not always this rude.”

“Yeah,” Harry shifts forward. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m a lot nicer usually.”

“I know,” she smiles.

“She’s psychic,” I remind him.

“I’m also online,” she laughs. “Can I get a picture?”

Harry eyes me, before going in for a selfie with her. I know he usually didn’t mind getting asked in smaller settings but he’d admitted it was something he was still getting used to. It had been a couple years since he became so famous, in such a short amount of time I went from being able to go down to a local pub with my best friend to schedules and security details and a whole other list of complications. Sometimes I hated it, mostly I was happy for him.

“Another day, another fan.” I tell Harry after we walk away from the psychic and he flips me off. “Should we get something to eat and get out of the cold?”

“God yes,” Harry shivers. “Can we just go to yours?”

“Let’s go,” I loop my arm through Harry’s.

Harry wants instant warmth so he hails a cab and we pick up takeout once we reach my neighbourhood. Harry had been here a few times, my roommate had gotten used to the fact that I was best friends with him, and sometimes he preferred to stay here when he wanted to be anonymous. Paparazzi sometimes crowded outside his hotel when word leaked he was there.

We eat ourselves into a food coma and Harry decides to stay the night, not wanting to face the cold again. Since our living room couch sprained his neck the only time he’d slept there, he usually crashed in my bed. His head barely hits the pillow before he’s snoring, I guess the jet lag finally caught up.

***

I jerk out of sleep, a crashing noise followed by swearing catches my attention.

“I think your roommate dropped something,” I hear from beside me. I turn my face to get a facefull of Harry’s thigh tattoos.

“Y’think?” I croak and shift backwards to see his face. He’s sitting up in bed and scrolling through his phone.

“Guess which psychic is officially internet-famous?” Harry asks dryly.

“Hm?” I’m still calming my heart from waking up so suddenly so it takes a moment to register Harry’s words. “What?”

He shoves his phone in my face, the selfie he took with the psychic yesterday is posted on social media with over half a million likes. He swipes away and a lot of his tag is filled with news outlets and fan accounts spamming the picture. He pulls it back to read a heading: “Harry Styles visits Psychic for ideas on his next album. There’s also Harry Styles rumored to be connected to the Occult...I don’t know what that means. Psychic tells all on Harry Styles reading.”

“How did that picture circulate?” I rub my eyes and sit up beside him. “And where is all of this coming from?”

“She has a Twitter, and she posted the picture.” He shows me, it’s there with the caption A handsome face showed up to my booth at the Bryant Park Market tonight. Get your future told, 5pm to 9pm 7 days a week.

I can’t help but laugh, she was a business woman and she really took the opportunity to sell her service.

“It’s not funny Y/N,” Harry looks furious so I cover my mouth and squint at his screen as he scrolls. A ton of people are responding asking about his future or what he came there for. Amongst them, she responds to only one person: His love life was involved.

My jaw drops, “That’s such a lie! She read me my love life, and life lines!”

“I told you she was a fraud,” Harry jerks the phone back to him.

“She lied for sales, but doesn’t mean she didn’t tell the truth yesterday.”

“If she lied about this she lied about it all and you wasted $10. She only talked about your love life, not mine...”

I remember her words, my second love was very close...could she have meant...

I glance at Harry and he seemed to have followed the same train of thought because we lock eyes, his probably just as wide as mine.

“D’you think?” he says just as I say “Was she...?”

We immediately burst out laughing as the tension comes to a head and bubbles over in a safe trickle.

“Is that what she was trying to say?” I say when I’ve finally caught my breath, my stomach hurt from laughing this hard.

“I guess when she said close she meant close,” Harry’s flat on his back from laughing. “Quite literal.”

“And you were calling her out on being so vague.”

“I’ve got to give it to her,” he shuts his phone off and throws it onto the covers between us, releasing the annoyance. “She’s a good businesswoman.”

“I was thinking the same thing but I thought you might kill me if I said that,” I admit.

We lay on the rumpled covers in silence, I think about everything else she said. The potential of it all is tarnished by the idea of Harry being my second love, for life. It was so ridiculous, unless by love she meant the way I love him now. As my best friend. Our lives were so different, there was no way it could ever work. Not to mention...he was my best friend since forever.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Harry asks out of the blue.

“Thought about what?” I prop myself on my elbow.

“Us, like...the way she predicted?”

“Together together?” I can’t help but laugh. “No never, you’re my best friend!” I recognize the flash of hurt so I backtrack a little. “No offense Harry, I love you but could you imagine?”

“I have,” he says it so quietly as I lay back down. “What?” I ask. He shrugs, “I’m surprised you haven’t. We’ve been friends since...we were 7. You’re saying you never thought about it?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Actually I haven’t. When...what did you think about?”

“I dunno,” he fiddles with his rings. “Like for school dances, when I didn’t have a date I thought about asking you as more than a friend...thought about where that could lead. Or every time you had your heart broke. I wanted to take the pain away and just show you what you deserved.”

“Harry I...” it was sweet, what he was saying. But he never gave a single clue about it the entire time we grew up. He was always chasing girls who looked nothing like me, so I always thought that’s what his type was. Never did I think about anything more with him.

“Not-not recently though,” he forces a laugh. “Just when we were kids.”

“That’s sweet Harry. I had no idea.”

He shrugs, and sits up.

“No seriously I...that’s so sweet. But just so you know, you have shown me what a good man can be. Just by being the best friend ever.”

“Aw,” he swipes my cheek as he gets up. “That’s cute. I don’t know if I’ve done such a good job when you’ve only dated knobs.”

I could recognize his defense mechanism--turning it into a big joke. But he leaves the room before I can call him out and I’m left sitting in the mess of what he’d just told me. It’s not that it was awkward or a bad thing, but suddenly it felt tense and the tension triggered an anxious feeling in my chest.

I decide to get out of my room and find my roommate cleaning up the remains of her broken mug. I offer to clean the spill as she dresses to go out for her run. Helping her distracts me, and when I hear Harry leave the bathroom I lock myself in, and try some breathing exercises to clear the anxiety creeping up. When I realize I was trying to avoid Harry, I scold myself. This was ridiculous and funny! Harry wanted to ask me out when we were kids, it was cute, and that was it. The psychic was a fake anyway, nothing she said meant anything.

I head back to my room where Harry’s made the bed. I change into trousers and my favourite fisherman sweater, and find him having coffee at our small kitchen table with his phone on speaker as he talks to someone. His legs barely fit underneath, so they’re sprawled to the side. He’s still shirtless, and my attention snags on his torso.

I shake myself out of my thoughts as I bump into the kitchen island, and glance up to see that although he was talking to the person on the phone, his eyes had been on me...while my eyes were on his abs. Oh god, I cringe. I try to act casual, mouthing if he wanted breakfast but he shakes his head and points to the call he’s having.

I make myself a toast and try to ignore what just happened but it only adds to the tension from this morning. When he gets off his call he brings his cup up to the sink.

“I think I need another cup.”

“Be my guest,” I move aside. “You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“Are you going to feed me avocado flax seed quinoa toast?” he teases.

“There’s no quinoa.” I correct, crossing my arms. “But...yes.”

“I’ll take this banana,” he holds the lone banana on the counter. “I’ve got to be in East Harlem by noon, that’s what the call was about.”

“Aw,” I hated saying goodbye. “Are you busy the rest of your stay?”

“I can make it back here,” he says.

“Do whatever you need to do,” I say. “I’m used to being discarded after you hang out with me in the city.”

“I don’t do that!” he reaches behind me to slot his cup in and set the machine to grind his beans. I can smell my shampoo on him, he must’ve showered. “If you want me back, you can just say that.”

The morning sunlight streaming through the kitchen window leaves no room for shadows; the shift in the mood is clear as the daylight streaming in. Or maybe I was reading too much into his words.

“I always want you back,” I look up to his height now that he’s standing so close, and the kitchen tightens further.

We’re stuck in a tableau; with my back against the fridge looking up at him as he gazes down with a curious expression. My mind grows blank the longer I stare. No one says a word, the sound of beans grinding the only noise in the kitchen.

My best friend in the whole world looks torn standing in front of me like this, and as my senses slowly rush back I realize that even if my expression doesn’t show it...I was torn. Because out of nowhere, all I can think about are all the questions I ever shoved away in the dark: what would it feel like if I kissed him right now? And what would have happened to us if he had asked me out to our school dance? Would we still be best friends? Would we have cut each other out? How many universes were we still good together like this? How many universes were we good together as more than this?

An urge to touch his face, make sure this was real, takes over me. But as soon as my fingers brush his cheek he snaps out of his trance and stumbles back like I’d burned him.

He forces a laugh. “I really do need that coffee.”

“Right,” I turn to the machine to put the grinds into their slot but I yank too hard and the freshly ground coffee flies out towards me. “Shit!”

“What happ-” Harry takes one look at what’s happened and turns away, his shoulders shaking.

“I can see you right in front of me laughing!” I shout. “Help me!”

“It’s all over you Y/N,” he turns around, tears in his eyes. “Give me this, I’ll put it far away from you.” He takes the remaining grinds and sets it down. I brush away what’s closest to my eyes so I can see and try to shake it off my sweater but they stick to the fibers of the knit.

“Great,” I grumble. “This is dry clean only.”

“It’s in your hair,” he runs his fingers through the strands that hang over my shoulder. I shake my head to dislodge the grinds; his fingers brush my neck away and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Uhm, that should be most of it.”

“It’s not out of this sweater,” I pout. “Screw dry clean, why did I think I could buy dry cleaning clothes?”

“I can drop it off on the way out today?” he offers.

“That means you’re coming back to drop it off to me?!” I ask hopefully.

His expression softens, “Y/N I’m coming back to your flat. I promise.”

“He promises!” I shout. Even though things were a bit awkward this morning, I got to spend more time with my hard-to-catch best friend and for that I was over the moon.

“We could also try to vacuum the sweater?” Harry suggests.

“So you don’t have to come back with dry clean?” I tease. “I’m not letting you get out of your promise, let me give it to you before you change your mind.” I tug my top off and ball it up, shoving it in his hands. It falls to the floor when he doesn’t hold it.

“Hello?” I look up and he’s a deer in the headlights. “Harry...”

“I can’t do this right now,” he takes a step back. I get the sweater from the ground and hold it out to him again.

“Do you want to wipe the kitchen floor with the sweater too? Take it!” I sigh. “Harry are you really acting so chaste about seeing a girl in her bra?”

“It’s-” he decides to stop mid-word. “You’re not just any girl Y/N, I’ve already made it clear.”

Now it’s my turn to stare--he hadn’t made it clear. “You said you only felt something when you were younger...”

“And you believed me?”

I realize I didn’t, but I wanted to believe him so I hadn’t questioned it. “Well it’s not the first time you’ve seen me in a bra. Can you take the damn sweater?”

“Yeah I can I’m just...” he seems to calm down a bit, enough to step towards me and take it. “I didn’t have to face this conflicted feeling in me if I didn’t see you often. I can just be the best friend. But now, with the whole psychic thing and you in--like this in your kitchen and I--I’m remembering how much I just want to...”

“Kiss me,” I say.

“Yeah...” he looks away.

“No, I’m telling you to kiss me.” I clarify. His expression would’ve made me laugh if my heart wasn’t beating so fast. I couldn’t believe I was being this impulsive.

“Really? You’re not just saying that cuz of this morning?”

“Fine,” I step out of his reach and cross my arms to hide my shaking hands. “If you don’t want to kiss me-”

He pulls me back too quickly and I bump into his chest. “I never said that.” He says in a tone I’d never heard from him before, it’s serious and sexy and it sends tingles through my body. I press myself up against him and he finally, finally, kisses me. Every bit of tension and anxiety the day had built up releases in the single moment his lips cover mine.

How had I waited this long?

The kiss is gentle, delicate like he’s still not entirely sure I want the same thing he does. I show him I do by using my tongue to open his mouth slowly and the hesitation disappears immediately. We’re a fighter jet taking off from there; I don’t know where I end and where he begins as he walks me to the kitchen island and lifts me onto it, our limbs tangling together, His hands roam down the side of my body, but he stays in the safe zones until I unclasp my bra.

“Oh hell no,” my roommate’s voice interrupts us from behind. I hold my bra close and turn. She stands at the entryway, shaking her head. “Not here. Not on our kitchen island. You two have a room literally 10 feet away...”

“Oops,” I say quietly which seems to set Harry off. My roommate is still shaking her head but I see the smile on her face. I’d caught her hooking up on multiple occasions so it wasn’t anything new. But I didn’t do this often. I jump down, apologizing to her. “Harry’s going to clean the coffee off the floor...I-I’ll find a shirt.”

“Mhm,” she closes her bedroom door and I look over at Harry who’s crouching on the floor in tears.

“This is all your fault!” I whisper but he tugs me down to where he is and holds my face as he kisses me.

“I know you two aren’t behind the island,” my roommate’s voice comes out again. I stay there as her footsteps move to the bathroom and the door closes behind her.

“I hate you,” I skirt out of his reach, and rush to my room yelling another sorry as I head back and find a top. Harry appears in my room as I put it on.

“I guess that was a good time for her to walk in on before it got too far?” he still has a stupid grin on his face.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” my cheeks were burning and even more so that Harry was elated.

“I’ve actually got to head out now.”

I pout but he kisses my pout instead. He promises he’ll be back in the evening and I let him go with one more kiss, my mind catching up with everything that just happened.

Oh my god.

***

It’s nearly 8 by the time I’m done running all my errands--taking holidays off for work was usually a good decision for me. I had a big family and picking up all the holiday bits before I flew back home was always a big job. I take an Uber home, I couldn’t handle a 40 minutes trip back home carrying everything home on the subway.

I call out to my roommate when I get in but she doesn’t respond. I check her door and it’s open and dark, the bathroom is also empty. She must have evening plans.

I open my door to a surprise. Harry is sprawled on my bed. He jerks awake when I settle my bags down.

“Y/N?” he squints as I turn the light on.

“How did you get in here?” I shrug my coat off.

“Y’roommate let me in before she left,” he rubs his eyes. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep...I had a whole thing planned.”

I’d gone over the whole morning during my errands, surprised and excited and nervous about this new step for us. But I continued to think about what the psychic said, our love lines extended alongside my life line. Even though there wasn’t much comfort or trust in a psychic who used a photo opp as a marketing opp, what she said had come true. And I put my faith in that, calming my nerves about this new step potentially ruining our friendship forever.

“Was that okay?” Harry sits up. “She didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Oh no that’s fine,” I unwrap my scarf and stand at the foot of my bed. “I really wasn’t sure if you were coming back.”

“Of course I would,” he reaches for my hand. “I wouldn’t leave you after this morning, I’m not that flighty.”

“Well we never really got to talk about it,” I say as I sit down. I’d texted him during the day but it never showed he read it, I wasn’t sure how to read into that; finding him passed out on my room meant he was probably on the go all day.

“Are you okay with this?” he says with such concern, I nearly tear up. This was making me way too emotional.

“I am,” I smile at my best friend in the whole world. “I just don’t want to go too fast.”

“We won’t,” he promises as he holds his arms out. I lean in towards his solid chest and he wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath on my cheek, then his lips in my hair. “I’m yours for eternity Y/N, we can take it as slow or fast as you want.”

It was a good thing to say, and I believe him entirely.

We eventually untangle ourselves to get food in us, and even though things are different, they’re also not. We still pick out the same parts of our food to give the other person, we still talk the same shit and laugh at the same jokes. But his hands grasps mine and his thumb brushes over my knuckles absentmindedly. His eyes stay steady on me as I talk like I’m someone new he’s exploring. We kiss after dinner, but we also load the dishwasher and laugh about the one time I’d managed to burn soup from a can. Eventually we end in my bedroom, where we lay together, our conversation growing quieter by the minute, the space between us growing smaller.

And even though we’d slept like this a hundred times before, it’s different now. I can feel it in every atom of my being, I was his and he was mine. And I don’t know how long it’s been like this for it to feel so easy, but accepting it was a no brainer, like accepting the sky was blue or the sun was hot. I remember the advice the psychic gave, I was following it: living the life I had around me even though it wasn’t the life I thought I would have.

There were a million things Harry and I had to figure out to make this work--I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But I did know that it was right, it was true, and it was going to be forever.

The future may not be crystal clear, but my future with this man was.

#harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #fic #writingsfromhome #friends to lovers #standalone #holiday fic #ignore any grammar or errors pls ty

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all-my-love-for-harry · 4 years

Text

Sing me my song.

summary: Harry’s feeling insecure after he sees his girlfriend interact with her ex.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: fluff with some angst, happy ending tho.

a/n: this was requested by @hazzalightsupmyworld, hope you like it! Let me know what you think :)

Find the rest of my masterlist here.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

Relationship wise, Y/N has never been one with luck. She has never had the ability to jump from one relationship to other, it just wasn’t who she was. Instead, she spent several years being in love with the same person.

Ariana and Y/N met after they shared a studio session back in 2015. They wrote some songs together for Ariana’s upcoming album at that time. It took them two months and several cups of coffee to fall in love. Their relationship was mostly private, as neither of them wanted curious eyes all over their every move. Of course the media eventually caught up the two women weren’t just friends, but were romantically involved and after Ariana’s album dropped, it looked pretty serious.

However timing just wasn’t on their side, and for different reasons, they ended up going separate ways. Although that didn’t stop them from remaining friends, Y/N was still in love with her ex-girlfriend. She stayed there through tough times and not even once not dropped everything if Ariana called.

It was some time after their breakup when they found their way back to each other. They thought it was only fair to give it another shot, but it just didn’t work out. They both wanted different things and together came to the conclusion they were better off as friends, so Y/N and Ariana called it quits before they hurt the other bad enough they wouldn’t be able to be friends in the future.

For a lot of time, Y/N thought she wouldn’t be able to fall in love again, or at least have a somehow serious relationship with someone else. It took her time, but eventually she got there. With every day that passed, it got easier to move on.

And that’s when she met Harry.

A kind, shy man who has shown her a completely different side of the world, one that she was completely oblivious of before he came into her life. Although Harry was sure since the beginning about his feelings for her, it took Y/N a little while to open up to him and allow him to take her on a date. Sure, they hung out and stuff, but it was always with other people around in a friendly environment. Now there was nothing wrong with that, but Harry wanted more.

Almost a year after they first met, Harry and Y/N finally started dating. Things were great between the two of them. They both felt like there was something very… real in what they had. Quite frankly, they had never felt like this before. It truly felt like they were building a life together that could easily become a forever thing, and even though for some people it could be scary, for them it wasn’t. It felt good to have something stable after a long time of trying to find something that felt completely real and honest.

It wasn’t until Y/N felt like she was 100% over Ariana that they started talking again. Of course, they had missed each other but they both agreed it wouldn’t be so healthy to try to move on without putting some sort of distance between them. For them, it was so easy to become close friends again. It was like the old times, just with a few boundaries they had agreed on.

Last time Y/N saw her, was on Ariana’s first show of her tour. She had gone to support her, however she did not join her on tour like last time. And it was fine, honestly. Y/N felt like her life was complete now that she had her boyfriend and her best friend in it.

Now Y/N found herself spending more time in London with Harry than anywhere else in the world. And it was slowly starting to become her second home.

Around August, after taking a shower before getting ready to go out with Harry, Y/N received a text. It was from Ariana, she was inviting her to her next concert in London that was in a few days. Y/N bit her lip, thinking what it was best to do. Honestly? She wanted to go. It would be really nice to go see her perform after a few months of not seeing each other, and she could always bring Harry so he’d have a good time too.

“Babe, are you ready? Reservation’s at seven o’clock.” Harry came out of their walk-in closet with his clothes on his hands.

“Yeah, one second.” Y/N sent Ariana a quick text saying she’d ask Harry before looking up at him. “Hey, do you want to go to a concert this weekend?”

“Sure, who are we seeing?”

“Ariana.”

Now, Harry knew their story and how big of a roll Ariana was on his girlfriend’s life, and although it made him insecure at times (not that he’d ever say a word to her about it), he has come to accept that. Also, it wasn’t like Ariana was a stranger to him. They were also friends, just never been really close.

“I mean, I’m down. It’ll be fun if we go.” He shrugged, deciding it shouldn’t have to be a big deal.

“Awesome. I’ll tell her we’re going.” She smiled.

Inside of his head, Harry tried to convince himself they’d have a good time, and everything was going to be fine, although he wasn’t feeling so confident at the moment.

Saturday rolled in and all Y/N could talk about was the concert. She planned an outfit along with hair and makeup that with go along with her clothes. She was excited but also a little nervous. They’d most likely go backstage after the show, and it would be the first time the three of them would be together in the same room.

Harry has called a car that would drive them to the O2 Arena. Unfortunately, they ran a little late due traffic so when they arrived, they had to take her seats in the VIP box immediately because the show was about to start. Harry wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulder as they stood there waiting. Now, normally he wouldn’t be anywhere touchy with her if they were in public, but he was feeling particularly clingy today so he didn’t care if tomorrow there would be a billion of pictures of the two of them all over the internet.

The lights when out and the music started, making the twenty thousand people in the arena erupt in screams.

Aside from the two of them, there were other people in the VIP box. A couple of Ariana’s friends Y/N knew and some celebrities.

So far they were having a good time. Harry let loose a little and started dancing with Y/N too. He screamed the lyrics he knew and jumped around just like everyone else. After the fourth song passed, the energy lowered a little as a slower song came into the set list.

Y/N swallowed hard when she recognized the melody. R.E.M. was a song Ariana told her a long ago was written about Y/N a little before they broke up for the second time. In complete honesty, she loved the song. She loved it when Ariana showed it to her that night they stayed up until 2am just talking, long before it was out to the world, and she loved it now that she was hearing it along with twenty thousand people.

It brought a lot of memories back and the song that followed did not help.

Harry noticed her sudden change of behavior but chose to not point it out. Instead, he gave her hand a squeeze that quickly snapped her back to reality. She looked up at him and smiled, leaning into him a little.

Songs like Moonlight, Sometimes or Thinking Bout You, Y/N knew weren’t on the original set list of the concert. They were old songs Ariana didn’t really sing anymore, mainly because they were about her, and she was singing them now.

It only made her more nervous to step into backstage after the concert. And it wasn’t about any lingering feelings, truly. It just was kind of a lot to take in. She was in love with the woman for a long time, for the love of God.

One song before the concert ended, they decided to head backstage to avoid the crowd afterwards. Someone from the security team leaded the way to them and some other people who had the same idea and they waited patiently for the show to end.

“Did you have a good time?” She asked him.

“I did, haven’t danced like that in quite some time.”

“Me too.”

The couple held hands and stayed a little behind. There were people everywhere, both from the staff and friends that were hanging around. They heard Ariana say her goodbyes to the public before she ran off the stage. People rounded her to congratulate her for the show, she went around giving hugs to everybody until her eyes landed in Y/N.

Both girls squealed and crashed into a hug. “You’re here!”

“I promised I’d come, Ari.” Y/N said sweetly.

“I’m so happy you did. I changed the set list after you texted me.” Ariana gave her a dimpled smile, looking directly at her eyes.

“So I noticed.”

Harry caught awkwardly, not really knowing what to do with himself. Ariana and Y/N broke the eye contact as the first one went and hugged Harry. “Thank you for coming, Har.”

“Thank you for the invitation. We had a great time.” He didn’t really mean to, but subconsciously he emphasized the we.

“I’m happy you did.” She said. “I was thinking we could have dinner afterwards. Courtney’s also here somewhere.”

“Absolutely.” Y/N was quick to answer.

“Great, let me take a shower and grab my shit before we go.” Ariana walked away towards her dressing room.

“Do we have to go?” Harry almost whined.

“C’mon, it would be fun. Please?” She gave him those damn puppy eyes she knew he couldn’t resist. So he sighed and nodded, making her squeal. Y/N hugged him before she gave him a quick peck on the lips. “We won’t stay so long, I promise.”

Although he agreed on going, Harry kept quiet for most part of the dinner. Ariana and Y/N sat in front of the other so they were talking the whole time, giggling about things Harry did not understand as they were inside jokes they had. He did not feel comfortable at all by the end of the night, and it didn’t help the fact that Y/N was not acknowledging him.

“You need a ride home?” Ariana asked after dinner was paid and everyone was starting to get up from their seats.

Y/N was about to speak but Harry cut her off. “I have called a car, thank you though.” He didn’t want to sound rude, but he didn’t think he could stand a whole car ride with them probably seating next to each other giggling and whispering things.

“Oh, alright.” Ariana answered slowly. “I’ll be in London until next week, maybe we can meet up?” She said to Y/N.

“Totally, I’ll text you.”

The pair hugged tightly. Ariana waved at Harry a little awkwardly as she has already sensed his jealousy building up.

“Have you really called a car?” Y/N asked when it was only the two of them.

“Are you talking to me now?” He couldn’t help but say. He has in fact called a car, he did it the second they asked for the check. Y/N sighed, not really wanting to start anything while they were still in public.

Not long after that, a black range rover pulled up and they walked towards it to get in. This time, Y/N didn’t seat in the middle to be close to Harry. Instead, each of them sat by each end of the seat. The ride back to the house was quiet, none of them had really nothing to say to the other, but they were also gathering their thoughts because they knew what was going to go down once they entered the house.

The both of them thanked the driver before getting out of the car and into the house. Y/N took off her shoes and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water, Harry following her steps.

“Are you going to tell me what is wrong?” She asked.

“I don’t know. Is there anything wrong?”

“Oh, c’mon. Don’t be like that.” She crossed her arms. “There’s something bothering you and I want to know what it is. Did you not have a good time?”

“I was until you started flirting with your bloody ex.” He finally said.

“Flirting? Harry, I was not flirting with her.”

“Yes, you were. And she was flirting with you too!” He accused. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how she was looking at you!”

“According to you, how was she looking at me?”

“Like she was still in love with you! Didn’t you see? She basically serenaded you back in the concert and had no problem admitting it. ‘I included these songs only because you told me you were coming’” He tried to copy her voice. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Well, I can exactly control what songs she includes in her show!”

“Oh, but you clearly enjoyed it, didn’t you? Must have felt good to have all her attention.”

“Now you’re being mean.” She said.

“No, I’m being honest. And I’m sorry if it makes me mad when your ex is all over you!”

“She was-”

“And you can’t even see it. Can’t you see how fucking insecure it makes me feel whenever you talk so highly of her? How am I supposed to top what you had with her?”

Y/N swallowed hard. “It is not a competition, you know? I don’t spend all our time together comparing what we have with what I had with her.”

“For you it might not be. But I do spend a lot of time worrying about you waking up one day and deciding you don’t love me as much as you love her. After all, you have found your way back to each other once, what assures me it won’t happen again?”

“It won’t.” She stated.

“You don’t know that.” He shakes his head. “What if one day you realize you can always go back to her? You’d leave me in a heartbeat.”

“How can you have such little trust in me? I love you, Harry.” Y/N almost cried out. “When my heart was broken, you were the only one there who helped me glue it back together. You. I would have never agreed on going on a date with you if I wasn’t over her.” She paused. “After I met you, I knew I had to get my shit back together so this,” She motioned the space between them. “would work. Because I wanted it to work. You have given me so much,” Her voice broke. “I don’t think I would ever stop loving you.”

“Baby-”

“And I’m sorry if I today I made you doubt that. It wasn’t my intention at all. I was just… I was excited, you know? You have to understand that while I dated Ariana in the past, I’m not in love with her anymore. Do I love her? Yes, I do. But it isn’t the kind of love I have for you, H. What I had with her had an expiration date, and I knew it. But I also know that I want to be with you forever. You’re my forever, not her.”

Harry chocked a laugh, allowing one tear to roll down his left eye. “You’re my forever too, baby.”

“I’m sorry.” She said again before wrapping her arms around his torso. “I love you so, so much. Please believe me.”

“I believe you, I do.” He mumbled before kissing the top of her head, hugging her back. “I’m sorry for being so insecure.”

“I know it isn’t exactly normal to be close with your ex, and i’m still working on setting boundaries.”

“I appreciate that.”

They both sighed happily, enjoying being in each other’s arms. “Do you get as excited as you were today when you listen to the songs I wrote for you?” He asked quietly after a while.

“Just as excited, if not more. I love it when you sing me my song.”

“The one about us dancing in the kitchen or the one about me eating your pu-”

“Way to ruin the moment, Styles.”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles blurb #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurbs

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taetaespeaches · 4 years

Text

“I didn’t think you’d care if I came back.”

yoongi x reader (or oc) genre: angst; fluff word count: 3.2K

a/n: Finally we have some fluff again! I mean, the angst is still here, but we’re getting to a resolution. This drabble is inspired by “this is me trying” off of Taylor Swift’s album, folklore, and it takes place after, “You know that I would ruin myself over and over again for you.” This also includes a hint of crack for some comic relief, and because where Jin and Poopsie go, crack follows. I hope you all enjoy, and thanks for reading! :))

STEPPING into your apartment, returning home from work, your eyes scanned the small space with distaste. You dreaded coming home to your empty sofa and your empty kitchen and your very empty bed. Even more so, you hated the disappointment you felt in yourself for letting another person get so close to you that they started to feel like home.

Dropping your bag at the front door, you kicked your shoes off carelessly before making your way straight to the bathroom to take a shower. Your showers had been doubling in length, perhaps in hopes that the heat of the water would scald the past couple months right off your skin. Or maybe it was just to feel something other than the hurt.

It was just two months of your life. Why was it having such an impact? It had only been three days since Yoongi walked out, so you hoped it was just the newness of it all that had you feeling so hollow.

Yoongi was just stopping by the dorm for a change of clothes and then he was heading back to the studio. He had spent three days straight in his studio, not even returning to the dorms after leaving your place. Whereas his fans would probably think he was working hard on the second Agust D mixtape, he was mostly just sulking.

He did what was best right? You said you were ruining yourself over him. He was ruining you. So, he left. He didn’t try to work it out, he left. For you. That way, you would have a chance at happiness with someone else. Someone more suitable for you. Someone who could give you what you deserve.

Walking toward his bedroom with his overnight bag in tow, the sound of his roommate’s squeaky laughter echoed through the hallway. Yoongi was suddenly very thankful for the isolation his studio provided, as he remembered Jin saying his girlfriend was visiting family for a few days so he wouldn’t get to see her right away upon returning to Korea from Japan. She must be back now.

“I don’t care if the whole game and franchise is named after Mario, Yoshi is hands down the best character in the Mario realm, and that’s just a fact,” her ranting sounded through the closed door, Jin interrupting her with overdramatic sound effects. Yoongi’s hand was on the doorknob and he had half a mind to ignore his need for a change of clothes and escape back to his studio before anyone noticed he was there.

“There wouldn’t even be a Yoshi if it weren’t for Mario because there would be no Mario franchise,” Jin shouted back, Yoongi’s motions still stalled as he stood on the other side of the door in disbelief. Fucking Mario? Really?

With a sigh, Yoongi opened the door, clearing his throat to alert the two idiots of his presence. Jin’s head popped up off the pillows, greeting Yoongi with an, “oh, hey,” his girlfriend sitting up from her spot next to Jin on the bed.

“Oh, Yoongi, thank god you’re here,” she exclaimed, Yoongi flashing her a surprised expression. “Tell Jin that Yoshi is the best Mario character.”

“That’s ridiculous and you know it,” Jin shouted with wide eyes, his girlfriend turning to look at him. “Yoshi can be your favorite character, but you can’t argue he’s the best.”

“Why can’t I?” She complained, Yoongi quickly losing all interest as he escaped to his side of the room, separated from the bickering couple by a large bookcase.

“Because it’s not called Super Yoshi, or Yoshi Kart,” Jin informed her. Yoongi hurried around his belongings, shoving some clothes into his bag so he could get back to this studio without being dragged back into the couple’s pointless disagreement.

“You’re so annoying,” she huffed, Jin laughing at her attitude.

Zipping the bag back up, Yoongi started toward the door, anxious to get out of the dorm, away from everyone.

“Aw, but I got you something in Japan,” Jin told his girlfriend. Her silence piqued Yoongi’s interest, for reasons unknown to Yoongi, enough for him to look back. She was looking at Jin with her eyebrows raised as Jin pulled out a Yoshi figure from his pocket. “It’s Yoshi!” Yoongi watched as the girl held back a smile, trying to keep up her challenging glare. “I may disagree with you, but I support you and your poor judgement,” Jin teased the girl, lowering himself onto his knees on the bed.

“I'm in love with you, so you may be on to something with the poor judgement thing,” the girl teased right back, taking the figure before cooing at it. “It’s so cute, thank you,” she told him, Yoongi quickly exiting the room.

Part of him found the two lovers cute. A much bigger part found them annoying and gross. Shoving their love in everyone’s faces. He felt like a bitter old man as he shuffled out of the dorm angrily. Why was it that Jin could manage a relationship? How was it that Jin could have his shit together, but Yoongi couldn't? And Hoseok for that matter. Hell, even Namjoon was seeing someone. Why couldn't Yoongi do the same? Making his way out of the building, you overtook his mind. You would have called him out on being a bitter old man. “Jesus, Grampa Min, stop being so grumpy,” he could hear you saying with a giggle. You’d probably even press a kiss to his forehead, flashing him a warm smile. All anger and bitterness dissipated from his body, leaving him sad and frustrated with himself, even more so than before.

Another addition to the list of things you were growing to hate about your living space: it was cold. Bundled up in a large sweatshirt, baggy sweatpants, and colorful fluffy socks on your feet, you waited in the kitchen for your water to boil. All you wanted to do was have a cup of tea and plant yourself in front of the TV to waste away while watching the next Netflix series in your queue. Your still wet hair only made you colder, a shiver moving through your body, causing you to let out a groan.

You resisted the urge to check your phone. He surely hadn’t texted, and you didn’t feel like dealing with the pain that struck your heart every time you saw no notifications from him.

As you mindlessly played with the ends of your damped hair, a knock suddenly sounded on your door, and your heart dropped into your stomach. It had to be him. No one ever visited you at 6:30 pm on a Thursday night. You thought about not answering it, but when the knock sounded again, you convinced yourself you could be wrong. It could be someone else.

Then you caught yourself hoping it wasn't someone else.

Hesitantly, you opened the door, and if you weren’t so angry you would have cried at the sight in front of you.

Yoongi stood in your doorway, dark circles just as prominent as three days ago, eyes puffy and slightly red, one of his hands shoved into his pants pocket, the other hanging by his thigh as he held onto a bouquet of tulips.

Your eyes lingered on the flowers for a moment, not because you really cared about the gesture, but because the appearance of the man who had always been so composed before now looking so completely broken on your doorstep was almost too devastating for your heart to bear.

His eyes scanned your features desperately, though neither of you spoke. It was hard to find the words.

It felt like minutes passed by before Yoongi finally opened his mouth to say something, though he struggled to get the words out. “Kid, I-” he started, tears forming in his eyes.

“I don’t want your flowers if they come with disillusions,” you told him bitterly, holding onto your anger, despite the bubbling feeling of wanting to wrap him up in your arms.

Your eyes followed a tear as it slid off his plush cheek, the cheeks you adored so much, landing on the side of his hand. “If you want me to lay out all my mistakes right now, I will,” he told you sincerely, the comment taking you by surprise. “For starters, I shouldn’t have left. I should have fought with you, I should have stayed to finish that fight,” he said in frustration, partly to himself.

Maybe the words should have confused you, but you understood exactly what he was saying. For you both to express your frustrations with each other and with yourselves, the fight needed to happen. With Yoongi leaving, you didn’t get to the point of discussion following the anger. Instead, he walked away, as if you weren’t worth fighting with, or for.

“Why did it take you three days to come back?” You asked, a strange mixture of anger and sadness and hope swirling around your stomach.

“I didn’t think you’d care if I came back,” he admitted sadly, wiping his face with the back of his hand to get rid of the tears, the bouquet messing his fringe as it made contact with his forehead. He avoided eye contact, keeping his stare directed to your fuzzy sock-covered feet.

“Of course, I care,” you told him, taking a step back to allow him space to enter your apartment. His eyes followed the colorful fluffy material as you moved aside. “Now get in here so we can fight.”

You barely noticed the quirk in Yoongi's lip as it curved just slightly into the tiniest of smiles. He entered your apartment tentatively, and his presence already made it feel more like home again. You felt certain in that moment that no matter what room he walked into, it would feel like home.

Turning toward you, still avoiding your eyes but raising his gaze to your waist, he weakly held up the bouquet. "These are tulips," he told you dumbly, finishing the statement off with a sniffle.

You stared at him for a moment but he didn't continue. "I know," you finally said.

Another beat went by as you faced each other, a feeling of awkwardness enveloping the room. “They symbolize-" he started, just as the teapot started screaming in the kitchen.

“Hang on,” you told him, rushing to the kitchen to remove the pot from the stove, turning the burner off. For a moment, you thought about sitting in the kitchen for a moment to gather your thoughts, but with a vulnerable Min Yoongi standing just a few feet away, you found yourself hurrying back to him.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” You asked, Yoongi looking to the side of the room.

“Tulips symbolize-”

"Yoongi,” you breathed out. “I don't care about the flowers right now, what are you doing here?" You cut him off, getting straight to the point.

"I want to fix this," he told you sincerely, lifting his gaze to meet yours.

You shrugged. "And how?" He stared at you for a moment, so you decided to continue. "I'm sick of feeling like I'm not wanted."

Yoongi quickly negated the comment, shaking his head. "I always want you."

"Then why do I feel unwanted by you?" Your volume raised as you asked the question, Yoongi appearing to hold his breath for a moment. Letting it out in a shaky breath, he looked back to your feet. "You say you want me but your actions say different, Yoongi. And you can't tell me how I feel, I feel unwanted."

"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly, lifting his gaze to meet your eyes. "I'm not trying to tell you how you feel, I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I made you feel that way," his voice broke.

"I don't want to hold this over your head, and I don't want you beating yourself up for it," you told him. "I just want you. But if I can't have you and feel good about myself and us, then I need to you to leave and I need you to stay gone." Speaking the words added cracks to your heart, but it also lifted a weight off your shoulders.

"I deal with a lot of shit," he suddenly said, your eyebrows pulling together in confusion. "Mentally. And that mixed with my work- I'm afraid of putting you through hell just because I'm selfish and want you," he told you with tears in his eyes. That’s what he’s afraid of? Putting his burdens on you? "I get so stuck in my head and I was in Japan and all I could think of was you and,” he sighed, looking into your eyes. “Fuck, Kid, I wanted to call you every moment I was gone. But that's for me, what am I giving you?" He shrugged hopelessly.

"You," you told him, your tears threatening to fall. "You're giving me you."

"And what's that worth?" His question shattered your heart. What's that worth?

"Baby, that's worth everything to me," you told him. "When you’re actually giving yourself to me, I feel more like myself. I feel braver and happier and-" looking back at the bouquet in his hands, you asked, "why tulips?"

He stalled for a moment, surprised by the question. "Right now?" Nodding at him, you bit back a grin. A faint smile appeared on his face, scoffing at himself. "Tulips can mean rebirth and forgiveness and true love, and I'm not saying we're in love,” he quickly backtracked. “I mean not yet, but we could be some day, and," he spoke slow but he was lost in his words, panicking over bringing up love, and the sight of him trying to find his way was enough to make you crack a smile. His speech faded out as he watched your face brighten just the slightest bit, a blush overtaking his plush cheeks. "I don't know what the fuck flowers mean, I don't know what I'm doing."

"That much is obvious," you teased, Yoongi letting out a single breathy chuckle at the comment.

"All I know how to do is care about you, Kid," he shrugged.

Tears forming in your eyes at his confession, you shook your head. "Then care about me."

"I'm trying," he told you, staring into your eyes. For a man who usually avoided eye contact, you were surprised by the sincerity he was trying to convey as he held your gaze. "I really am trying."

"I know," you nodded. And he was.

"I wanted to protect you from me," he added, his orbs scanning your face. "But fuck, Kid, I can't stay away from you." You watched him thoughtfully as he spoke. "But when I saw the hurt in your face-" he paused to compose his emotions. "When you said you thought I left that morning," he shook his head. "That's when I first realized what I was doing to you."

"But you don't have to do that to me," you reminded him. "You don't have to protect me from you, I've told you I'm prepared to be with you regardless of your lifestyle and your work." Yoongi stared at you as you spoke, and you cocked your head at him. "I'm ok with the time apart and the late-night dates and the days where we can only fit a few texts in.”

“But are you ok with me? And everything that comes with me?” He asked. He was really asking, he needed the assurance.

“Of course, I am,” you told him definitively. “I want all of you. You don’t need to wear this mask around me, you don’t need to shield me from you. And you’re not the only one with demons,” you told him. “I want you and everything that comes with you. I’m just not ok with feeling like I'm always about to lose you."

"Baby," he whispered.

"I can't keep being afraid that every time you walk out the door, you might not come back," you whimpered, a tear falling down your cheek. "I need assurance too, I need to know you're in this with me as much as I am with you." Yoongi nodded quickly.

"If you want me here, I'm here," he assured you, sincerity coating his words.

"I want you here," you told him. Yoongi suddenly tossed the bouquet onto the table before approaching you. His arms wrapped around your body before you could react, your arms slowly folding over him, holding him close to you as he buried his face in your hair. You felt a kiss on the top of your head, your body responding by relaxing against his frame, turning your face to nuzzle it against his neck. "I'm sorry for the shit I said," you mumbled against his cool skin, still slightly cold from the night air.

"Don't apologize," he whispered into your hair.

"I didn't mean the mean shit," you added, Yoongi chuckling at the obvious pout on your lips.

"You were hardly mean, Kid," he told you, pulling away just a bit to look down at you with a soft smile, his eyes glistening in emotion.

“Well, I’ll never mean the mean shit,” you said with a small smile.

"I missed you,” he told you as he wiped the fallen tears off your cheeks.

"I missed you too," you whispered. “We were supposed to fight, you know,” you added teasingly.

“That wasn’t a fight?” He questioned in feigned surprise. “We still can if you want,” he playfully responded, his eyes widened humorously.

“You came in here trying to explain flower symbolization and I just couldn’t get mad at you,” you giggled, Yoongi smiling adorably just before pushing his lips to yours, giving you a sweet kiss. Before you could deepen it, he pulled away again.

"Yoshi or Mario?"

"What?” You questioned in utter confusion. “Min, I'm trying to make out with you," you complained with a look of dissatisfaction, Yoongi smiling fondly at the expression. With a sigh, you said, "Yoshi, obviously, what do you think I am, an idiot?" Yoongi laughed fully at the comment, his shoulders shaking as he flashed you that adorable gummy smile you were so obsessed with. "Why?" you asked through a small laugh, "what about you?"

"Honestly, I could not care less," he smiled, now your turn to laugh.

"I love that about you," you told him through your big grin.

"My roommate, Jin, thinks Mario is better," he told you, you raising your eyebrows in response. "I think you should come by the dorm to put him in his place. Maybe meet all the other guys too?"

You smiled widely as you nodded. "I'd love to," you said softly, Yoongi nodding before leaning in to kiss you again. "I mean, for Yoshi's honor," you whispered right before his lips pressed to yours.

"Of course," he giggled against your mouth. Pulling back just slightly, Yoongi stared at you for a moment, his eyes appreciating your every feature slowly, taking his time, as you did the same with him. Wrapping his arms around the back of your neck, he tugged you closer to him to hold you against his body once again. "Jin's a moron but remind me to thank him one of these days," he whispered against your temple.

"I will," you giggled. "But for what?"

"For having his shit together."

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a-clockwork-justice · 3 years

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Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well.

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.

#be more chill #loser geek whatever #joe iconis #will roland #be more chill meta #music theory #broadway be more chill #be more chill 2.0 #be more chill 3.0 #musical theatre theory #tw depression #jeremy heere #michael mell #be more chill analysis #tw emotional abuse #trans jeremy heere

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