#but as soon as you make your entire engagement with media about shipping that's when the brainrot takes over

[discordiansamba]

as someone who has been thru both shipping wars of voltron and atla, which one do you think is worst (out of touch with canon)?

they both suck equally lmao

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[souljoon]

Follow up fic to the corpse roommate fics? Where they admit on stream ( at different times when the other is not playing) that they would date the other and then they only find out the other said that through the usual streamer group and Twitter and then they have to confess feelings to eachotjer but like it’s funny and awkward when they do it bc they’re so close already. Thanks I love your writing!!

Here it is!!

pairing: corpse x gender neutral!reader

genre: fluff, humor (?)

warnings: cursing

note: this is kinda late i was supposedly gonna post this yesterday but the power was out in the neighborhood :-(

~~~

You cannot fill in a spot for today’s Among Us session since you already had a prior engagement with another group. It’s not that Corpse is anything remotely close to being bored, but he just thought it was different without you around.

If he doesn’t try to marinate you, you could be his first victim on his murder list just to annoy you, or could be framing you up for something that he had done to fuel more of your frustration. But most of the time, he just loves having you around to vouch for you. Now, he feels a little lonely out there.

And while he’s fulfilling his tasks, he unconsciously proceeds to talk about someone he’d want to date with the image of you sitting comfortably at the back of his head.

“I hope everyone’s having a great time while I’m boring you out in this game. Does that even make sense?” He chuckles, before continuing, “I think you little freaks aren’t aware how much I appreciate your support and I always read everyone’s comments. And... most of you are sort of curious of what qualities I’m looking for someone I’d date.”

Corpse pauses, pretending to think for a second, “I’m not purposely looking for someone. But I do have—you know... crush, if that’s what you wanna call it. I guess... you’re all aware that Y/N and I are really close. And amongst all my friends, Y/N is leaning towards the ideal person I’d date with. But yeah… don’t tell them that. I don’t want us to feel uncomfortable with one another.”

Corpse laughs awkwardly, too late to realize how he just confessed his feelings for you.

“Uhh… so Sykunno just self-reported my body and as you can see everyone just bought just his alibi.” He says, quickly veering away from the topic.

Few minutes later, Rae unmuted her mic while everyone else was occupied with their own tasks, “Guys, I have an announcement. Lily just came into my room to tell me Corpse and Y/N are trending on twitter! Apparently, our boy Corpse here just confessed his undying love for Y/N in his stream!”

His friends fell into a mess of chaotic cheering.

“Y’all are straining my ears.” Corpse immediately complains.

On the other hand, Sykunno simply brought him back to the topic. “We knew it, Corpse. It’s not like you were good at hiding your admiration for Y/N.”

“Ahhhhh our ship is finally sailing!” Poki gushes out.

Corpse went completely red. Is he that obvious? This is the fucking end of their friendship, he could feel it!

“Come on, Corpse. Don’t be too shy. At least, the love of your life feels the same way.” Felix fills in the void of what he had missed in the previous stream.

“Y’all are fucking with me!”

“He’s telling the truth! Y/N said so a few days ago! You stood us up in the game, remember?” Rae says, backing up Felix.

Corpse couldn’t possibly believe what they were telling him. He’s been friends with you for quite some time now and because he shares the apartment with you, it’s inevitable for you two to grow much closer than ever before. However, you’ve treated him the same you would with your other friends. So he’s certainly convinced that his feelings for you is unrequited.

Out of utter embarrassment, he called in too early for the day after staying for another round in the game. He knew that his fans would endlessly talk about his confession on Twitter but he didn’t think they would be able to trend it in just a short span of time.

Corpse refuses to go out of his room the rest of the day, not prepared enough to see you— much less talk to you face to face. But given that he lives with you in an average sized apartment with mini kitchen and a small living room, avoiding you is quite the impossible thing to do. To make things worse, you two just kept bumping into each other, then mumbling apologies as you both poorly try to go towards the opposite direction. It’s been like that the entire day.

But the following day, Corpse has been pacing around his room—clearly affected by the awkward air between you. And right after he took a shower, he decided to confess it to yog as he’s certain that you’ve already heard about it on social media by now, going straight to your room where you’ve obviously been hiding as well since yesterday.

The pair of you stood there awkwardly in the doorway, staring at each other—you looking away when his gaze gets too intense and vice versa.

Your face aflames furiously, blinking as you try to calm the beating of your heart.

“Hey,” He spoke with his usual deep, intimidating voice even when his insides are liquifying.

“Hi Corpse. You need anything?”

“Y-You— I mean—fuck!” Corpse hears your adorable laugh, making him instantly blush in return.

“You’ve probably heard this from everyone else, on Twitter. That’s not something what I had in mind when I‘ll confess my feelings for you—”

“I like you, too, Corpse…”

His face lights up. “You do?”

“But…”

And as soon as he picks up the hesitation in your tone, he went pale. “But?”

“But you seriously need to put a shirt on if you don’t intend to seduce me.”

His eyes widened, “Holy shit.”

~~~

[nerdsideofthemedia]

Your rwby confession seemed like interesting if not controversial thinkpiece until I finished it and it hit me that you said bumblby was v3. As soon as you realized Monty probably didn't plan for the ship you said "fuck his craft, his technique, his passion, his ideas, fuck the trailers, fuck the songs, fuck everything before v3. He, the dead creator of rwby was simply burdening the writers with his ideas on rwby and fight animation is not a way to tell a story in this animation based story loved for it's fighting. When Monty only won people over with his insane passion for animation. I just have to remember that none of you shippers are of a sound mind.

"it hit me that you said bumblby was v3. As soon as you realized Monty probably didn't plan for the ship you said "fuck his craft, his technique, his passion, his ideas, fuck the trailers, fuck the songs, fuck everything before v3."

No, I didn't. I do not know if bmblb was part of Monty's plans or not, but:

1) the idea that Monty was anti-bmblb requires proof. The thing I said was that he was opened to it and decided to test the water in V2. Unless you’re saying he was dead before V2. Weird, I thought he was even involved in a lot of stuff even in V3.

2) Monty was open about being in favor of LGBTQ+ and when asked a question if there were LGBTQ+ characters in the show, he answered "maybe they're already there"

3) there is literally a part before V1 where Arryn asks if she can reveal her character is bi and they respond “not yet”

I didn’t say bumbleby was against Monty’s vision (just that it was not fully decided relationship wise when it started), nor did I say fuck his craft, technique, passion, ideas, trailer, songs, etc. If you read what I wrote, then you clearly did not understand it, so I’ll make it clear: I’ve always defended bumbleby was plan from the get go and used to use the trailers (especially the songs) to show it. Now, I don’t think the show had all decided from the get go, at least, not the relationships. A tweet from Monty said that Ruby was out of characters in the red trailer, which indicates they were still figuring the characters out. This is not an attack in Monty or even a flaw. It’s fine if a story doesn’t have all aspects of it figured out since its beginning. It’s natural even. And I don’t believe you would see having stuff to figure out as bad if it didn’t give you a reason to attack me.

Me acknowledging one of Monty’s flaws as a storyteller is not me disrespecting him. Too many ideas is bad storytelling. Yes, part of the task of a writer is sometimes to know when to dial it down. And that flaw was acknowledged in the context of me giving my thoughts on hbomberguy's video on it, which spends a lot of the time trashing RWBY and I said that I mostly agreed with it. He took the easy way: put the blame entirely on the 2 writers alive, while deifying the one who died, but I don't do that. That's not fair. They were a team and criticism directed at the show should go to everyone responsible for it. There are flaws that are clearly Miles and Kerry, there are others that were Monty’s.

“y'all just feel the need to defend a ship that's drowned in RTs crap”

I didn’t feel the need to defend anything. I was made more aware of their writing process, drew conclusions and wrote a post about them.

“And you know what? I hope y'all get it. I hope in v69 they kiss so you all have actual proof that it "wasn't queerbating its a slow burn!" Cause by that time there will be PLENTY of well established queer representation of multiple designs throughout media and y'all can be left to stew in this webseries bullshit”

I guess it’s not just the shippers who are not of a sound mind. Being this upset because I said bumbleby was probably thought of in V2 and set in stone in V3 is ridiculous. Oh, I’m sorry I also acknowledged Monty’s flaws.

It’s also funny that if you no longer like the show, why the hell are you engaging with fandom? I am perfectly aware that RWBY is flawed. I am perfectly aware there are way better shows and do representation better (by the way, I didn’t even bring representation up, you did), I watch a lot of them. So what? I’ve met people who still like Bleach. I know people who still like MHA. If people can like shows that are deeply flawed, then so can I and I am ok with that.

“no one was telling them they couldn't just write the gay in the first episode”

Argument never made. I didn’t put Monty as an anti-bmblb, you did. Me thinking that stories evolve is not trashing Monty. It’s not trashing anyone. It’s just something that happens, especially when it’s a long-term series and one didn't have relationships set in stone from the beginning (hell, sometimes when they have. Community changed direction completely in terms of pairings). Also, no, LGBTQ+ characters don't have to revealed in the very first episode. What a ridiculous idea.

Thanks for reminding me why I don’t allow anons. And if you make a tumblr just to send me another message, I’ll delete it and block you immediately.

[wolfstargames]

Coming Soon

Wolfstar Games 2021 is coming soon!

What is it? A prompt-based fest where participants are split into teams to engage in some fun-spirited competition as they create

How does it work? Each team member will create a work, either fic or art, inspired by a prompt, for their team

Is there a theme? Yes! The theme for this year is NATURE. The Teams are LAND, SEA, and SKY

When is this happening? Sign Ups begin on June 14th and run through June 27th

How long do I have to create something? Works will be due October 24th

And if I want more information?

Just keep reading below!

The Basic Rundown

There will be three teams based upon the fest theme. Participants will be given the chance to request a team upon sign up, but we make no guarantees that you will receive the team you requested, as teams need to be at least relatively even for voting purposes. This is, in fact, a competition, but only in the spirit of pushing each other further to create better works for this ship we all love so much.

Each participant will create a work, fic or art, based upon not only the theme but a prompt. Details on the prompts as well as how to claim them will be revealed after the teams are solidified. Then, those works will be revealed and voted upon in a blind vote to determine how each team did.

During the creation time there will be both team and inter-team activities. These will all be low key and completely optional. They’re just a way to spend some time with your team/fest participants and have a little fun to keep tensions low and promote a friendly sort of competition.

Once posting begins there will be a poll attached to each work, which will be posted anonymously, for readers/viewers to vote on how well the piece fit the theme of the fest as well as how well it fit the prompt. Those votes will be averaged for a total team score at the end of posting. Please keep in mind that these works are not in direct competition with each other. The voting is not meant to compare works. There will simply be a representative work from each team. Please be aware that team participants and mods will not be allowed to vote, for fairness purposes!

As this is a scored fest please keep in mind that all works are to be anonymous. We understand that this is slightly difficult for artists as style may be recognizable, but please do your best. This means that you may not share any snippets, anything more than very vague ideas, or any pieces or bits of your creations until after the reveals when the work is wholly yours to do with as you wish. We do understand the concern about posting unsigned art, so we will be providing a Wolfstar Games watermark for any artist that wishes to use it. And if you have any concerns about this please contact a mod and we will see what we can do for you.

Just remember, Wolfstar Games is about having fun and creating more content for our favorite boys, not about winning or losing. And most importantly, it’s about having fun!

Theme: NATURE

This means any way you want to interpret nature. It could be a story about taking a walk through nature, or about mermaids living in the ocean, or playing a Quidditch game in the air. There are lots of ways to interpret the theme.

Time Line:

Sign-ups begin on Wednesday, June 17th and last through Sunday, June 27th, ending at 11:59pm Eastern time (GMT-5). Sign-ups will happen via google form, so please watch this space for that to go live.

Teams will be announced on Friday, July 2nd. so please watch this space for more info.

Prompts will be available for viewing only on Friday, July 2nd.

Prompts will be available for claiming on Monday, July 5th and will close at 11:59PM EST (GMT-5) on Sunday, July 11th. Prompts will fall into three categories: Word based, Image based, and Audio based. Each prompt will be available only one time per team, so the sooner you make your selections the more likely you are to get the prompt you want. If, for any reason, you are not available during any of the claiming period please contact a mod and we will make accommodations for you.

Works are due by 11:59 PM on Sunday, October 24th EST (GMT-5). As always we want this to be fun and low stress, so if there are any problems with finishing please just contact a mod and we will work with you to see what we can do. As this is a team competition there may be a small points penalty incurred for late works, however, so please contact a mod as soon as you can if there are any difficulties. There will be check ins along the way to see how everyone is doing and make sure there are no issues, but if something arises please don’t feel the need to wait for a check in to talk with a mod. That’s what we’re here for.

Posting begins Monday, November 1st and runs until we run out of works.

The winning team will be revealed once posting is complete and the mods have had a chance to tally the votes. Keep watch on this space for more information on that further into the fest.

Rule & FAQ

What sort of content am I committing to if I sign up?

For fic, the minimum word count will be 1000 words. There is no maximum, however, please keep in mind that ease of reading, which unfortunately sometimes includes length, will have an impact on how the voting goes. We would never dare to stifle anyone’s muse, so please write as the whim takes you, just keep that in mind when you’re creating.

There is no minimum size for art, but we would request that the maximum size be something that is easily viewable on a single screen. Again, we don’t want to cramp anyone’s creativity, but for voting purposes it’s helpful to be able to see the entire work at one time.

What sort of artwork is acceptable?

All art must be visual, original art. By original art, we mean that the final product must be an original product of the artist. Using photos for reference is fine, and you can use whatever traditional or digital medium you require, so long as the art starts and finishes as your own product. Photo manips are not allowed. Hit up the mods if you need clarity on an idea.

Can I use a work that I’ve published previously, or that’s been sitting in my drafts?

For this fest, we need all original content, none of which has been published previously. Since this is a theme and prompt-based fest, all creators should plan on starting new projects so they can be fully inspired by their chosen prompt.

Is there an age requirement to participate?

All ages are welcome! However, if you are under 18, your creation must be rated G or T on AO3.

Are there any other restrictions on creations?

This is a Wolfstar-centric fest, so we do ask that your creation focuses on Remus and Sirius’ relationship, though other pairings are welcome. All fics must be properly tagged with the appropriate content and trigger warnings on AO3. All fics must be edited, beta read, and legible.

Will I need to be signed up for any specific platforms to participate?

You will need an AO3 account for posting purposes. All fest info will be shared on Tumblr. A Discord chat system will be set up as well. All of these platforms, other than AO3, are optional.

Can I share snippets of my work on my social media?

Since this is an anonymous fest, we ask that absolutely no snippets or hints be shared during the run of the fest. Once the fest has concluded, you may post whatever you like to social media.

I can’t sign up, but I still want to participate, what can I do?

No worries, there are lots of ways for you to help support WSG! Follow us on Tumblr; reblog, comment, and share our posts to spread the word. We’ll also be asking for help with beta reading, pinch hitting, and other cool ways for you to get involved!

I’ve got more questions, help!

No problem, we’re happy to hear from you! Ping us on one of the social media sites above, or email wolfstargamesmods at gmail dot com.

[recurring-polynya]

What comparisons can be made between renruki and Ichiruki? I often wondered about this.

This is such a hot button issue that as soon as I received this (perfectly polite) ask, my body tensed up and my brain went Am I being trolled?

It’s honestly a shame that there is so much bad blood behind this, because it is, in fact, a very interesting thing to talk about, and I am going to attempt to do so in good faith, because I love thinking about this kind of thing. Even though I am very openly a Renruki shipper, I love all three of these characters very much, and I think that Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship is very important! I am doing my best to be neutral, although I have not read very much Ichiruki fanfic/meta, so please give me a benefit of a doubt. Obviously, I can’t stop anyone from reblogging this and putting their own comments on it, but I have no interest in getting in debates over it, so don’t be surprised if I don’t engage.

This is both long, and I am sure some people don’t care, so I’m gonna put the rest under a cut. I have tried to hard to write this in a way that will not make anyone mad, but if you think it will make you mad, please give yourself the gift of not clicking on it.

So, what is the same between Ichigo and Renji? Lots, actually. Physically, they are both tall, strong, and have ridiculously colored spiky hair. They are outwardly grumpy, but secretly have soft, gooey centers. Neither one of them is dumb, but they are both dumbasses. They are protectors: they would rather take any amount of pain or damage onto themselves than see a loved one hurt. Their friends are everything to them, and that goes triple for Rukia.

How are they different, then? There are three major bullets:

- Ichigo is alive. Renji is dead. Perhaps this is a little flip, but Renji belongs to same world that Rukia does, and Ichigo does not. This is not a value judgment, it is just a fact: If Rukia ends up with Renji, she stays where she is. If she ends up with Ichigo, either Rukia or Ichigo have to make a huge change. I will get back to this.

- Youth vs. Experience. Ichigo is a 15-year old boy, as we are told about 1000 times. There is some mystery over how old Rukia and Renji are, but they have graduated from secondary education and are currently employed. I think it’s safe to assume that they are roughly close in age to each other, but I think Rukia may perceive Renji as seeming older than herself-- he graduated from school, and she didn’t; he’s on his third squad transfer, whereas she’s hasn’t budged from her initial, entry-level job, and he’s now middle management. However, the arc of the story we don’t get to see, is that over the timeskips, Rukia not only catches up to, but surpasses him. Also, not for nothing, but I think that in the same way Rukia is immediately drawn to Ichigo because of his resemblance to Kaien, I think she is also drawn to him for his resemblance to Young Renji-- a grumpy, prickly young man, leaking self-doubt from every pore, whom she is more able to be generous towards through the lens of age and experience. (And I think this comparison could support either ship)

- Ichigo is the protagonist. Rules don’t apply to him. Fate breaks on his sword. He represents the triumph of love or hard work or dreams or what have you over the cruel millstone of the world. Renji, on the other hand, is firmly bound to the rules of the world in which he inhabits. In fact, that is arguably the entire purpose of his character. Renji’s fights are often used to set the stakes of the conflict-- ah, Renji got mangled, this guy must be tough. In the Soul Society Arc, he is an antagonist because he is doing what he is supposed to. In the TYBW, Kubo literally throws the two of them in a pit to fight some asauchi just to make the point that Renji is a shinigami and Ichigo is something else.

Let’s jump over to Rukia for a moment. Rukia is a great character, one of my favorite characters in any media. Rukia contains multitudes. She is tough and strong, but often melancholy. She can be beautiful and elegant, but she also lies and breaks rules and tried to put Kon in a dead cat once. Emotionally, she likes to present a cool front, but she has a big, loving heart, and she feels deeply. As a character, all of this makes her very easy to project onto, which is why I think so many people OTP her with someone, no matter who.Some people choose to try to make her into one of these things or another, and some people try to keep her as the full bundle of contradictions that she is.

There is no romantic content in canon Bleach. There is no romantic content in canon Bleach. There are many, many scenes that can be interpreted romantically, but no one goes on a date, no one kisses. Ichigo gazes longingly into the eyes of all his friends, it’s just a thing he does. Orihime does explicitly proclaim at one point that she loves Rukia, although I suspect that in the original Japanese, it’s the word for “friendship love” and not the very-rarely-used “romantic love.” I have seen a scene-for-scene comparison of IchiHime “romantic moments” only it’s Chad and Uryuu (which I choose to believe supports IshiChad, rather than negates IchiHime, but we may all choose for ourselves!) My point is that shipping in Bleach is a DIY craft, which, when we’re all having a good time, is what makes it so fun.

So, bringing all of this together, given that Ichigo and Renji are fairly similar characters, why are the ships so different, and what makes one appeal to some people and be abhorrent to someone else?

I think about romance stories a lot. I actually took a class on romance novels in college and I just really like to think about the mechanics of stories. In the truest sense of the word, “romance” is about extremes-- about sailing the high seas and wearing ostentatious shirts and shouting off a cliff in a rainstorm. When we talk about romance as a genre, the characters tend to behave in a way that we would not prefer our actual romantic partners do, but the over-the-top nature of it makes us swoon and our hearts drop -- except when it doesn’t. What is heart-breakingly romantic to some people can be a huge turn-off to others. The biggest fight my husband and I have ever had was over a kdrama. The male lead was hiding his identity from the female lead in order to help her, and I found it all to be deeply, deeply romantic, and my husband turned to me and said “He is being dishonest with her and I think it’s morally wrong” and I almost died.

So, let’s break down some of the themes of the two ships, which I think gets at the meat of what you were asking. Now, like I said, shipping is very participatory, and anyone may have their own ideas of how these relationships would be, and I am a big fan of “a great writer can get away with anything”, but in broad strokes, I think that these are the themes of the two ships:

IchiRuki:

Love conquers all/ Love is enough to overcome differences of class, age, lifestyle, geography, etc.

Instant connections/Love at first sight

Love is a force of the universe that cannot be denied or defeated

Young love

Grand gestures

Your partner changes you (in a positive way)/You effect change in your partner

Your partner is the center of your world

Your partner is the one person who can get through to you/You are the one person who can get through to your partner

Banter

Dumbassery

RenRuki:

Love takes work

Best friends to lovers

Second chances/Broken things can be repaired

Love is a choice

You improve with age

Shared experiences build love

Pining

Working together with your partner to create a mutually satisfying life together

Your partner enriches your world, but your independence is maintained

Banter

Dumbassery

There is also some degree of character interpretation at work, too-- there seems to be a huge degree of disagreement between fans as to whether:

a) Ichigo enjoys his normal, human life, and even though he do anything to protect what he loves, he would prefer to live a human existence with his human friends and family. He credits Rukia will helping him realize his strength and powers.

b) Ichigo is unsatisfied with his human life and that meeting Rukia opened the doorway to a life of excitement and adventure, on top of being given the strength to protect his loved ones.

As far as Ichigo pairings go, I think that most IchiHime people fall in category (a) and most IchiRuki (and GrimmIchi) shippers fall in (b). In both cases, peoples’ ships align with their view of what makes Ichigo happy. Most IchiRuki content I have seen  seems to feature Ichigo moving to Soul Society, rather than Rukia moving to Karakura. Rukia pretty explicitly indicates at the end of the Soul Society Arc that she wants to stay in Soul Society, plus she’s got a pretty established life there. Contrast that to the story of Isshin and Masaki-- Isshin seems pretty flippant and disaffected about his life in Soul Society; it doesn’t seem like it was a particularly hard choice for him to give up being a shinigami. Also, it’s pretty clear that what Isshin did was illegal, and I’m not sure there would be an easy way for Rukia to just say “WELP, I’m off to live as a human, smell you jerks later.”

To try to wrap things up, I think the actual dynamics of an IchiRuki or RenRuki relationship would be very similar, actually. They would banter a lot and dive headfirst into danger and support each other no matter what. Byakuya would treat either guy with the vaguest, most grudging amount of respect. The primary perpetual, unresolved argument between Rukia and Ichigo would be “The Living World is dumb/Soul Society is dumb”, whereas with Rukia and Renji, it would be “Squad 6 is dumb/Squad 13 is dumb wait no I didn’t mean that Captain Ukitake is an angel.”

Personally, I headcanon Renji as being more able than Ichigo to step back and be the support person in the relationship (see that bullet about Ichigo being the protag), so I think that RenRuki could manage to run a functional household, whereas Ichigo and Rukia would just go on adventures until they got arrested for tax evasion.

*For the record, I am very pro-IchiRenRuki, except that they would be even worse at running a household. It’s just Renji trying to explain how a chore wheel works while Rukia and Ichigo walk out the door on him.

[nightswithkookmin]

I loveeeee the way ur brain works and i like all ur posts and love reading them. Its Jimin day today and i wont lie that i am feeling a bit sad about whole JK not posting on JM bday because he was getting active on Social media again and i thought its because of JM bday coming soon but i hope they are happy and JM had a blast celebrating his bday.. it annoys me how other ship( u know which ship) is happy and making fun about this situation and calling Jikook bond fake and nonexsistant. 1/2

Ahhhhhh this topic!

Also me:

Packing my bags off these shipping streets. Jk don disgrace us. Lol. Kidding. If more than anything today has solidified my faith in JK and Jikook and while y'all are jumping ship imma hold the fort. Hashtag Jikook for life!

I've been receiving a lot of questions about this, about JK not posting for JM's birthday and I haven't answered any of them because- well I passed out. So...

Anywho,

Jk didn't post true, but have you thought about what it would have meant for him and JM if he had posted?

Now I see a lot of people running through the ship streets shouting Jikook broke up, something was off between them, Jikook was never real, jikook this- Jikook that- y'all need to calm your horses or I swear to God!

I mean I am down for all that wild gossip and angst but I think y'all is tripping.

Do I think they are in a bad place, HELL NO. Do I think they are not real? HELL NO! Do I think JK don lost his minds? ABSOLUTELY.

Lol

No but seriously, I'm fascinated by all of this. I'm in pain, can't process shit but when it comes to Jikook I'm always intrigued and fascinated by them.

I'm mostly fascinated by why JK pulled a 5/8, geared up for JM's birthday but then posts crickets on Jimin's birthday as you've said.

Is it me or does this whole thing feel like the tattoo girl scandal all over again? Lmho.

Up until now, I've avoided addressing Asks about Jikook coming out, JK proposing and stuff like that because those territories are a bit tricky for me- to speculate on those, I find I'd have to speculate on whether marriage is something both of Jikook want, whether both of Jikook want to come out but these are conversations I don't think y'all are ready for with me.

Not when I believe one of them, if you've been following my train of thoughts you'd know which, is not ready to make such commitments, joking about marriage and shit- yes, that tiny man. Lol.

I mean the backlash I get for the tamer things I share on here- chilee, y'all is about to eat me up for this. Here goes nothing. Mama pray for me.

I have said, late 2018 to the middle of 2019 is one of the moments I sincerely felt JK was going to 'out' Jikook just based on the way he was moving through that era until that impromptu hiatus and the following scandal.

Out Jikook as in OUT Jikook- I've told y'all Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother. JK has been asserting himself and part of that self assertion ties in with his sexuality. He is tired of hiding. He's been tired since 2016- trouble this one.

Do I think JM is ready to come out- No. He doesn't want to come out but he doesn't want to hide hide either. Dude just want to stay in that glass closet.

Throughout my posts, I've speculated this has been a huge part of their on and off dynamics since November last year. Jk coming off too strong, JM asking for space- yall know don't make me repeat myself.

November 2019 up until today is also one such periods I felt JK was going to out Jikook, inspite of all the ups and downs they've experienced this season.

JK scares me to be honest with you. I keep saying people are looking at him wrong. Hell, people are looking at Jikook dynamics wrong I feel.

All the times Jikook have almost been accidentally outed, who's been the most terrified? It's not JK.

Jimin's face when RM said JK sneaks into JM's bed at night, his face when they walked into JK's room on Bon V and saw the cameras. I have an entire dissertation on this on my wall please get with it. Lol

Whatever silent protest JK's been on since JM's birthday last year- Not gonna lie, I felt JK was not posting for the others so he could post on JM's birthday this year as a way of coming out with him? You know, make a bold statement like he's done over the years? I'm delusional but also dead serious.

Each time I feel JK's come close to this pivotal moment, something's happened. I swear Jikook is taking years off my life- I'm exhausted.

Why is he trying to out their relationship on his own and not do that with the consent of Jimin? I'm gonna pray to God, y'all can read my mind with everything I have been saying since my posts because this is cutting it too close for me- and I'm exhausted so maybe another post next time.

Like I've said, I really believe they are in a good place this time around. Y'all know me, I don't shy from angst, I'd say if I felt there's been something off with them since they fixed whatever they were going through early half of the year.

The only tension I've sensed between them lately was on day two of the online concert when JM got a little too excited with trying to sell the sexual tension fantasy in his other ships and JK didn't look like he was happy about.

Later during the curtain call you could see dude cold stoning JM resulting in JM doing what he does best in such instances- clinging on to JK for their life. Lol.

He vanished from Namjoon's side real quick to take the bow next to JK but JK- Y'all check that moment out for yourself, see what I'm talking about.

Is that why he didn't wish Jimin a happy birthday? I don't think so. I think he put a lot of thought and preparation towards this moment to make something like this undo all of that- that is if my suspicions about what he was trying to do this year is right.

Jimin gone wake up married one of these days he won't know what hit him! Lmho.

It is why, I don't buy this whole he didn't post for the others which is why he didn't post for Jimin narrative. When have you known Jk to care about things like these?

The man literally got a birthday present for Jimin gave it to him in the presence of some of the members without doing same for them. Singling JM out like this is nothing new to him. He has done so consistently over the years to let this deter him.

The question y'all should be asking is why he didn't post for the others in the first place. They are all friends and posting for eachother's birthdays is a long standing tradition in BTS so why is he breaking from this culture all of a sudden?

Is he rebelling? Is he protesting? What is he trying to do? Right?

This moment has been building up since last year after JM's birthday and I honestly believed he was going to go through with it- hell I bought a wedding dress and shit- Jikook you son of bish!

I have said the company is giving them much room to be themselves, RM isn't breathing down their necks, JM looked like he was finally committed- everything looked great between them in my opinion except perhaps for the growing tensions between JK, V and Namjoon- If you've been paying any attention to their recent Twitter war.

I hate speculating based on nothing, so I'm just going to point out to you my observations without drawing conclusions- I'll share my thoughts on what these moments means when I've had more content to peruse and analyze from now- but for now you can make of it what you will:

1. JK starts a count down on Twitter, JM responds and continues the countdown.

Now I clocked, the moment JK posted this on the 5th that he had something up his sleeves with regards to Jimin which I shared with y'all. He was going for a 5/8/13 it's not news now.

2. After Jimin posts day 4 for the countdown, who ever was going to post after him was going to have to post day 3 to continue the countdown right? But Tae posts a V-cut instead breaking that chain.

Now I remember joking about this moment with a friend, rolling my eyes exclaiming, here they go again! V is trying to sabotage JK yet again, and he'd turn around and ask why their friendship is dwindling. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness of it all!

That moment reminded me of when he called JK out for attempting to eyefuck JM through the viewfinder in the Dynamite MV reaction video. Remember that? Same energy to me.

They do shit like this and their shippers will not take note but will turn around and act surprised when we say Taekook ain't all that- rolling my eyes.

3. Hobi continues the countdown with day 3 and RM posts something random the next day but I think it was to neutralize the Taekook shenanigans. Neutralizing is what RM does best- we been knew.

4. Jk posts his Savage Love cover on the 8th and equally doesn't partake in the countdown he himself initiated because- Savage.

5. Suga posts day 2. RM and Jin posts day 1 and Tae posts D-Day on the D day to promote the concert. Yadda yadda yadda.

Now I didn't think much of this moment to be honest- i merely took a mental note of it for future reference, and was paying close attention to their interactions at the concert- which we will talk about soon..

I didn't make much of this bit until VJoonKook became a hold out on Jimin's birthday. They were the last three to post, two of whom ended up not posting at all for Jimin"s birthday- fucking traitors.

It was at this point I felt compelled to put on my tinfoil hat. And reevaluate the situation.

Why were these three people the same trio engaged in that little squabble just a few days ago on the timeline? I wondered.

It felt as if Taekook were engaged in a Russian Roulette racing the clock while Joonie stood by waiting to neutralize whatever shit those two were going to pull on the timeline.

Call me delusional but I felt JK was going to post, Tae was going to try to one up him with a ridiculous post or counter his post- V and his fucking VMin agenda! Lmho

RM was going to end up mirroring whatever JK was going to post to neutralize it as per usual- leave me alone. I said I'm delusional. Let me be. Lol.

There's just a lot going on all at once and it's easy to lose sight of subtle moments like these when they happen.

Like Jimin saying he would be on VLive soon, which first of all- yay!

Y'all know I've been keeping my eyes on the app, most especially how the members are going to use it post IPO, post Soop- I have a lot of questions; will they be monitored like they were in May? Will they be able to have intimate interactions with the fans like before?

Y'all know my theory about Jikook and the VLive stuff so I'll leave it there.

Now as for what this moment here means, I think it's a humbling experience for all of us but mostly for Jimin-JK you sonova bish! Lol

Jimin is the one who loves to flex his bond and relationship with JK, he loves to show off their relationship. He is the one who's been called all sorts of names under the sun just because of his relationship with JK- even if they are friends.

None of the members have suffered and paid a price for their relationship with JK the way Jimin has throughout the years. It is why I hate it when people compare the others to him. Even if it placates you and lessens your insecurities please don't.

I'm not pressed about no ship wars. Hell, I often start one myself- what? fun.

I'm worried for Jimin mostly.

I think JK more than anyone knows how this looks. Which is why I really don't think this is what he was aiming for all along. To make Jimin look this way- again not to say JM is better than the others he didn't post for.

I don't know what's going on with JK now but I am not about to tell you this moment is nothing. It is not nothing.

I know people want to console themselves with the whole my partner don't gotta show off on social media on my birthday to show he loves me- please shut up. Or may be don't. Y'all con shippers confound me.

This is Jikook here, showing is an integral part of their dynamics. Isn't that why people call them a fanservice ship? Because they show so much? Because they do so much?

Jikook like to show off their bond, they like claiming eachother, they like reassuring eachother and I'm sorry but Park Jimin's father set such high standards for his son's birthday for anyone who claim they love him to pull stunts like this. Do y'all know Jikook at all?! I have to ask.

Jimin loves to be treated like he is different and special. It's his love language. We know this, BTS knows this, JK knows this- don't make excuses for JK if at the very least you can't see what he was trying to do here.

Even if you don't think they are a couple they are best friends- at the bare minimum. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to login and wish a friend a happy birthday- Hobi made four and he is not dating Jimin. Just saying.

You can't yell Jikook show us a lot hence there's no need for wild theories and assumptions and bully people who come up with wild theories and then in the same breath say they don't have to openly show us they care about eachother for them to be real- Y'all are going to ship by faith now? Chileee.

I have said JK likes to retract and conceal and only shows what he chooses to show and this was his choice. It's as simple as that. He chose not to post.

He didn't do it because of no damn other members.

He occupies a huge space in JMs life to not know what this moment says about him and his highly publicized relationship with Jimin- chileee, whatever did park Jimin do to you, JK?! Jesus Christ!

Havent heard of a betrayal this grand since the birth of Judas Iscariot- Judas is that you? Lmho.

I joke but I don't find this funny at all. Bless them.

It's one thing to not post for the others, but it's different for Jimin. And this is not to say the others don't matter to JK, they do. He's called them all family but then again he hasn't placed any one of them on a pedestal the way he's placed Jimin on a pedestal now has he? So we cannot assume Jimin means the same to him as the others mean to him.

Isn't that why we ship them?

Personally, I'm hurt by all of this. It hurts me that some people are going to use this as an excuse to tease and bully Jimin, call him a liar, call into question the years of friendship between Jikook, call into question any future interactions between them- I don cried my eyes out all day for Jimin but also for JK.

It hurts that I have to defend JK and Jikook to anyone. The task wasn't easy before all of this- not that anybody sent me. Who died and made me their spokesperson. Chileee

But please let's not dismiss this moment or belittle it. It's monumental- to me anyway.

JK was on to something I'm just curious to know what stopped him this time around. I want to know if he plans on not posting at all for anyone in the future. How long is he going to keep at it?

He's tried to out them twice. Will he do it again? How is he going to do it? What is Jimin going to do if indeed this is what JK had been planning, how is this going to affect their dynamics- I'm excited for their journey however it goes.

It's their journey unauthored. I'm just here to observe and report- and may uWu while I'm at it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we gotta ask ourselves, had JK posted anything at all today knowing full well he hasn't posted at all for anyone in the group all year, that what would that have meant for their relationship? What message would that have sent?

While we lament about this moment, let's also take a minute to ponder over what this moment might have signified if JK had actually posted.

Everything he did in the days leading up to Jimin's birthday pointed to the fact he was definitely going to post. To me it felt he was gonna come out. He was. And if he had done it- my god!

JK isn't my favorite person right about now. He can go ahead and step on leggos. No kithes for him🙄

But I have faith in him. Always. He's consistently shown and proven his love and loyalty for Jimin through out the years. You don't nibble on a man's ear in front of sixty thousand people, to find posting a simple message on his birthday tedious. This is Jikook. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

I wish I could tell yall, this moment means nothing, that JK not posting is not a big deal but I can't. This moment is everything.

Signed,

GOLDY

[curriebelle]

furtively tries to express my appreciation for BTS’s insane showmanship without gaining the reputation of Being a Kpop Blog

Actually leTS TALK ABOUT THE REPUTATION OF THE KPOP BLOG 👩‍🏫

So to a certain extent I understand why “friend’s blog became a Kpop blog” is a meme. From the outside, a lot of the Kpop fan activity seems quite vapid. The impression I got in previous years was that it’s mostly about gushing over handsome boys and a/b/o rpf. And that’s not........entirely wrong, but we’ll get into that more in a sec.

Another factor is that Kpop fandom is hard to follow. The barrier to entry is higher than with other fandoms. In posts, individual Kpop stars are referred to by name, stage name, or nickname, and the band they belong to isn’t always obvious, so it’s quite easy to lump it all into “Kpop”; it takes work for a new fan to differentiate the groups if you don’t know them ahead of time. Kpop fandom has its own lingo that differs from other fan language (other media fans don’t use “bias” or “delulu” — and there’s a linguistics dissertation for you). And let’s not discount the other language barrier — Korean isn’t exactly a common first language, so it does take a bit of extra work to find subtitles and translations.

This might be why the Suddenly A Kpop Blog Event supposedly triggers a different reaction in followers. I’m still following most of my friends from crit role season 1, even though a good chunk of them blog about other stuff now (what is this Chinese show? Boy with magic flute? Gay? Help). Fittingly, I’ve seen memes about how people are ride or die for their mutuals even when they move to different fandoms, but the jokes about Kpop blogs are always a bit different — about how turning into a Kpop blog is a bit cursed of u. It’s to the point where this is only “secretly a Kpop blog” because I don’t want the “Kpop blog” reputation.

And from my fandom lurking I can say that part of that reputation is not unearned. A lot of Kpop fans on tumblr engage in it in ways I’m either disinterested in or actively opposed to (the shipping wars are as terrifying as their reputation suggests. Some were arguing one ship was an rl canon true secret relationship because someone in BTS wrote the letter K on his drawing. Even though the letter K is in his name.) The reason I’ve been “secretly a Kpop blog” is that a lot of Kpop posts don’t inspire me into reblog frenzies the way crit role memes used to, and that’s not because Kpop Stans Suck — it’s more just a matter of taste. Then again, I do like gifs, but if I start reblogging BTS gifs, then I’m a Kpop Blog......and you don’t want to be a Kpop blog.

But isn’t there a whiff of “I’m not like other girls” about all that? Like, yeah, of course Kpop fans hoard gifs of the same people and overanalyze them. That’s what fans do! Pretending I didn’t overanalyze the shit out of Taliesin and Laura’s micro-expressions before Perc’ahlia was a thing would just be disingenuous. We’re all looking too closely — one of the best things about being a fan is diving into the excess of art and making things out of it. We all make mountains out of molehills because mountains are more scenic. And, on a baser level, we are all thirsty bastards. I have SEEN you all reblogging the gifs of Chris Evans ripping the log in half, okay, and you were not doing it bc of the camera angle, just own the thirst. Even the problems the Kpop fandoms have aren’t problems unique to Kpop — aggressive shippers and “””””problematic””” fans are everywhere.

I also wonder if the reason why we don’t see as much Kpop analysis on tumblr is because we’ve created kind of a hostile environment for it. Whether you are a Kpop fan or not, we’ve all decided to treat Kpop as kind of silly — the fans give it their all in the departments of cutesy photo sets and ridiculous fic prompts, and we laugh at memes of Gimli saying “never thought I’d die side by side with a Kpop fan” anyway Stan Jungkook. Just like thirst and over analyzing, that’s not necessarily a bad thing — I love that meme, and you should Stan Jungkook — but it does mean that if you want to start taking it a bit more seriously, or even a bit more casually, the assumption is that all your old tumblr friends will ditch you because “you’ve gone to the dark side”

And that’s a shame because uhhhhhh there is some baller stuff to analyze in BTS’s discography. The album before last was based on Jungian psychology (???). Their leader and primary writer is a huge fan of multilingual puns so in the latest album he makes a three-way pun on the phrase “I’m ill” — he’s sick, he’s cool, and he’s overworked (because “il” in Korean means “work”). So is he sick or is he simply made sick by like, society’s expectations of labour under capital???? Like, you know me. Societal critique by way of pun. That’s my shit. There’s also an essay or two in me about the way BTS are marketed for fan consumption and the way we handle multilingual lyrics and the way they’re handling the temporary departure of one of their members (he is an absolute cat of a man and I hope he gets well soon).

Also fuck can J-Hope ever dance.

EDIT: I should probably acknowledge that I can only make this justification for BTS, which is the only Kpop group I really like; I got no idea about the rest of them. I do know that Shinee can Also dance.

I might get the essays out but this probably won’t become “a Kpop blog” if you’re not into that. I think I’ve internalized too much of the stigma (omg V has a song called stigma it’s so good check it out find a good translation), but also, like I said, I don’t vibe with much of the other content and I kind of only follow one extremely successful group. The gifs, though. The gifs might be coming. They are pretty, those boys.

Anyway! People don’t like Kpop for nothing so like Maybe you would also like Kpop? Who knows. At the very least, think before u meme.

[connorandersons-blog]

Let’s Give them Something to Talk About

Rating: Explicit Word count: 7039   Ship: RK1000 (Connor/Markus) Chapter: 1/5

Summary: The Jericho team plus Connor need to think up a way to distract the public from the fact that North punched a very important human. What better way than the Deviant Leader dating the Deviant Hunter?

Thank you to @gavincantreedthis for beta reading this!

--------------------------------

Markus paced back and forth, rubbing his hands against his forearms. Connor couldn't blame him, he was stressed too. North had punched a very important man (rightly so, but still) and now public opinion was going down. 

The thing was, everyone still thought Markus and North were together. So, they had to find a way to draw attention away from North and the possibility that Markus condoned it because of their supposed dating. 

There were a few options, but none seemed to be dramatic enough. Since androids could now legally marry, the population had been asking when Markus was going to propose to North. 

Connor hated it. It was putting pressure on Markus where there shouldn't be. He shouldn't have to worry about breaking the news to the public now and have it backfire. Or have people assume it was because of the punch. 

Then the door slammed open and North, Josh, and Simon came in. North was stomping her way in while Simon and Josh moved much more silently. 

"Those fuckers are saying I punched him ‘cause he was flirting with you! Ugh!" North said, throwing her hands into the air. "I may have kissed you that one time but like, ew! I literally have a girlfriend now." 

Right, Connor had introduced Tina and North together after he overhead Tina commenting about how amazing North was one too many times. 

They hit it off incredibly well and it didn't take long for the two to kiss and get together. Connor felt like a proud parent whenever the two were around each other. 

"I know, we need a distraction. Something to make them forget about that. Just coming out with the full story won't do any good," Markus sighed, finally sitting down next to Connor. 

It had taken Connor awhile, but he now felt comfortable enough to place a soothing hand on Markus's back.

Markus was the type to seek out physical contact while Connor generally shied away. It wasn't like he had the best history with being touched. After all, it was generally someone punching him or Hank's rare hugs. 

He did his best to at least pat people on the shoulder, but even then it was a bit awkward. The only two people he felt even remotely comfortable touching without explicit permission was Hank and Markus. 

Markus sighed and leaned into the touch, smiling slightly at Connor. It's hard not to smile back when someone like Markus is smiling at you. 

"You two could say you're dating," Simon said, making Connor practically jump out of his synthetic skin. 

He pulled his hand back like he had been shocked (which is entirely possible actually) and sat up straight. 

North made a small sound, nodding her head. "That's not drastic enough, but I think this could work." 

"North," Markus said, squinting at her. She waved him off, still clearly thinking. 

"You need to get married." 

"What?!" Connor and Markus said this at the same time. 

It made North snort and glance at the other two. "It makes sense. You announce that you're engaged to Connor, and explain that we split up right after the revolution. People will eat this up. Deviant Hunter fell for the Deviant Leader himself." 

Connor hated to admit it, but this might actually work. He was sure he could make it believable but this would end three ways. 

The first was that they staged a breakup before or after they actually got married. The second was they let it slowly die out until no one even cares anymore. And the last was that they actually stayed married. He highly doubted the last would happen, but statistically speaking, there's always a chance for unlikely events to take place. 

"I don't want to do that to Connor, it's unfair. If it just affects me that would be fine, but I don't need to drag anyone into this," Markus said, shaking his head. 

That was sweet, but Connor would do anything to help them. He fucking stormed the Cyberlife tower single-handedly for crying out loud! "I'm in if you are." 

Markus snapped his head around to stare at Connor, who could only shrug. "No, we can think of something else." 

"If it's me that's the problem, then I'm sure Simon wouldn't mind," Connor said, trying to play it off as chill. Admittedly it did hurt somewhat. He didn't have feelings for Markus in that way but he wasn't opposed to the idea either. 

Was Connor really that unlovable? 

It must have shown on his face because Markus was quick to put his hand on Connor's knee. "It's not that. I don't want to make you uncomfortable and lose you as a friend." 

"You won't lose me. From my calculations, it'll only take over a month until this dies down. We announce our engagement and jump right to a wedding if you really want to distract people." Though, the whole world was focused on them and everything they did. 

"It's not a bad idea, Markus. If you're both willing then I don't see the problem." Josh finally spoke up. 

That seemed to do it for Markus as he nodded. "Alright, but he can't just rush into this. We have to plan this out in a way that feels natural and not like a purposeful distraction." 

"Yeah. Maybe let the news 'catch' the two of you on a date, holding hands. Make it look like you're hiding it," North suggested. 

Hold hands, Connor could do that. Maybe even a small kiss on the cheek, nothing too crazy. 

"Then maybe they can catch you making out. Oh! Maybe against a wall. Not sure who'd be the top but you guys can figure that out." North said, flapping her hand like it was no big deal. 

In reality, it was a really big fucking deal. But he didn't have to think about it too much right now. It wasn't like they were going to be caught doing that anytime soon. 

Markus's eyes went wide and he started rubbing his forearms again. A nervous tic, Connor noted, but didn't think too hard on it. He was nervous too, so it didn't mean anything. "Are you sure? Maybe they can just catch us on a few dates then we announce our engagement." 

North quickly shook her head. "No, you have to work up to it. Small dates first, make the media think they are catching something secret. Then start getting bolder. If someone full-on interrupts you then you can try to play it off or convince them not to tell anyone." 

"When the media really starts pushing and asking we wait just a bit longer before you two do your little engagement. You don't have to actually purpose out in public, but I can get you into a talk show to do it if you want." Josh said. 

Once again Connor hated how much sense it made. "We'll have to come up with the backstory. The fewer lies involved the better for believability. We can discuss who will do what later. It would be better if all of you knew the backstory too as you probably would have been there for most of it."

He still had his job as a detective but he was often working as Markus's bodyguard (even though he didn't want one) when cases were slow and he wasn't fully needed. 

"Alright, so North and I broke up after the revolution. You and I slowly got closer and closer." Markus says, glancing at Connor. "Oh, maybe we got together after that one conference." 

That made sense. Connor had been working as the bodyguard but a man still managed to get a shot at Markus. He thankfully didn't hit anything important but Connor couldn't stop blaming himself for weeks. It was totally reasonable that that's when they would have gotten together.  

"Alright, sounds good to me. How about how we told the others and PDA in front of them?" Connor asked, making mental notes. He didn't want to screw this up, it was too important. 

Markus thought for a second, eyes glazing over just slightly. "North would have caught us kissing. I probably would have been worried about hurting her feelings, but-" he easily got cut off. 

"But I don't give a shit as long as you're happy. Of course, I wouldn't tell anyone without your permission but you'd probably tell Simon and Josh that day." North shrugged. 

Oh, he'd need to inform Hank on the situation. Hank would be the first person he'd tell, and probably the only one if they were keeping it secret. "I'll let the Lieutenant know." 

Josh nodded along before speaking. "We can feed the media anonymous tips saying something like Markus is on a date but we don't know with who. Just enough that it gets them out there and looking." 

Alright, he could do this. North wouldn't get in trouble and the public opinion would go back up. Who didn't love a good secret romance? Well, a fake secret romance but no one else had to know about that. 

"We should start tonight. I can get you guys a reservation at that new restaurant, apparently, it's great for androids." Simon said. 

Tonight?! He thought he'd have more time to prepare. It wasn't like he's dated anyone before so he wanted to do some research. He didn't care if it was completely fake, he still wanted Markus to have a good time and not feel too awkward. 

Now, he was being told he only had until dinner time and he was kind of freaking out. He'd have to pick out a good outfit and maybe change his hair. 

Ok, maybe he was taking this a bit too far, but he wanted to be a good fake boyfriend. Markus deserved someone sweet and kind who loved him. Fake it till you make it right?

No, no that's not right. He was not making it anywhere. This would all die down and everyone would forget about the whole thing. They'd have their little 'break-up' and then they'd go back to just being friends. 

"Alright, Connor do you want to get ready and meet me back here? We can talk over boundaries before our… date." Markus said, flushing a slight blue. Connor was instantly so glad androids could blush after deviation. 

Markus was too cute for his own good. It's no wonder they won the revolution peacefully with Markus's charisma. Not to say that was the only thing, but it definitely helped. 

Fuck, now he was just staring at Markus. In a purely platonic way, of course, Markus was attractive, anyone could see that. "Right, I'll see you soon then." 

Markus gave a slight nod and smile before Connor stood up. North gave him a thumbs-up, and Josh and Simon tried to give him encouraging smiles. 

The ride back to Hank's was incredibly slow but that did give him time to do some research. He looked up tips to be a good boyfriend, what type of clothes to wear on a date, and small talk ideas. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a start. 

He no longer felt the need to knock on the door, so he just walked right in. At least he wasn't going through windows anymore, which Hank loved to bring up every chance he got. 

Sumo slowly got up to greet him, and Connor took that chance to compose his thoughts. He had no doubt that Hank would go along with this, but that didn't mean he wouldn't tease him relentlessly. 

"Didn't think you'd be back till later," Hank said, sitting on the couch and reading a book. It was one of his older ones that Hank had suggested (well, more demanded) he read after the revolution. 

Right, he could do this. "I've got a date tonight." Fuck. 

Hank's head instantly whipped around and the book almost fell from his hands. Ok, that was a little bit of a dramatic reaction, it wasn't like he was undateable. 

He just never found anyone he really wanted to be with, and no one ever fully understood him, android or otherwise. 

A few androids feared him while others put him so high on a pedestal that it was odd to even talk to them. The only androids he felt truly comfortable around were the leaders of Jericho. Because of that and his part, most people thought of him as a leader as well. 

"Alright, come sit. I need to hear everything and need to know if I need to kill someone." Hank said, putting his book down. 

The image of Hank threatening Markus was amusing but he had no doubt that he wouldn't do it. 

He did as Hank said and slowly sat down next to him. "Ok, well it's not exactly a date, but it is." 

Hank stared at him for a few seconds before waving him on to continue. 

"So you remember North punched that guy?" He asked and Hank gave him the 'bitch please' look that made him snort. "Well, we decided that there needs to be a distraction and they decided Markus and I would 'date' and get 'engaged'."

Hank sat there for a few seconds before facepalming. "Of course. Fuck, that might actually work though. So you have a fake date with Markus tonight?" 

Connor nodded and fiddled with his coin. "I do. I'm to get ready and meet him back at New Jericho so we can talk about boundaries." 

"Well, at least that's good. Just don't go falling in love or anything," Hank said, patting his shoulder. 

Connor huffed and rolled his eyes. "I won't, don't worry. We're just doing this to help out North and then we can break up or just let it die out." 

Hank sighed and shook his head. "Sure you won't. Alright, you better go get ready then for your date." 

"It's not actually a date, but I do need to get ready. If anyone asks, Markus and I got together after the conference where Markus was shot," Connor said, standing up. 

Hank gave him a hum and waved him off. Connor grinned in return and went to his room, closing the door behind him. 

He went through his closet, pulling out outfits and trying them on before huffing and pulling it all off. Nothing felt right for this. Markus had seen him in almost every form of dressing, from his work clothes to his pajamas. How could he make a bold impression? 

Oh, this might do. He pulled out a pair of men's black skirt pants, black lita high heel, and a men's solid black lace cut out patchwork button-up shirt. 

He put it all on and stepped in front of the mirror. He had to admit, he looked good, but something was still missing. 

He grinned at himself before running over to his desk and pulling out the eyeliner Hank got him after he expressed interest in it. He hadn't worn it out before, but he very much enjoyed putting it on. 

Once he was done he ran a hand through his hair, making it go back to its natural curly state. 

There, now he was ready. If nothing else then he looked good and everyone would be shocked. He loved experimenting with clothing and found that he loved dressing in all ways. 

Sometimes he'd dress more feminine, while others he tried to be more androgynous or masculine. He normally didn't dress too femininely when leaving the house, so only Hank really got to see him wear a skirt. 

He thought this look was more androgynous and he really hoped Markus was ok with this. He honestly didn't know why he liked dressing in different ways, but part of him was scared Markus would find it odd. Though, Markus is one of the most open-minded men he knew. 

Alright, he could do this. Just a fun night out with Markus. Maybe a little hand-holding and possibly even a kiss on the cheek. He had nothing to be nervous about, it wasn’t like it was real. 

He looked in the mirror one more time before leaving the room. In all, getting ready had taken an hour, which wasn't too odd for him. He preferred looking well dressed no matter what he was doing. 

He walked over to Hank and did a small twirl, showing off his outfit. "What do you think? Is it too much?" 

Hank's eyes went wide and he gave him a slight nod. "Not bad son. The makeup was a good choice. Markus is not gonna know what to do with himself when he sees you." 

Connor flushed blue but didn't hold back the grin. Hank may tease him but he was also incredibly encouraging and supported almost everything he did. (He did not support Connor licking evidence but whatever)

"Thank you! Alright, I should probably get going. I'll be back tonight but don't feel the need to wait up for me." Connor said, giving a few scratches to Sumo before going to the door. 

"Yeah, yeah. Have fun on your fake date kid," Hank said, giving him a thumbs-up before going back to reading. 

He did a bit more research on his way back to New Jericho and now felt confident enough to actually go on this date. If it was actually real, that is. 

He got a few stares on his way to where Markus stayed at New Jericho, but he took it in stride. He knew he looked good, so it didn't matter if other people thought he was weird. 

Markus's door was already slightly open (he'd have to go over safety protocols again) so he gave a slight knock before walking in. 

Markus was sitting on his couch looking just as stunning as always. He had his long jacket on with the black suit underneath. 

When Connor walked in his head snapped up and his mouth hung open just slightly. "Connor! Oh, wow you look… you look really good. Are you wearing makeup?" 

Connor shifted from foot to foot, nodding. "I am. I can change if my outfit isn't appropriate." He really didn't want to, but he would if need be. 

Markus quickly stood, shaking his head. "No! No, you're fine. I was just surprised is all. You look stunning." 

Connor blushed and his eyes darted around the room, trying to find something other than Markus to stare at. "Thank you. You look good too." 

There was a long awkward silence before Markus cleared his throat. "Right, we should talk about boundaries. I know we are doing this for North, but I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with." 

Markus slowly sat back down and patted the cushion beside him. Connor gladly sat, turning to face Markus. "I'll let you know if I am, but that goes for you too."

Markus grinned at him before staring down at his lap. "So I guess we should get the big one out of the way. How do you feel about kissing?" 

Connor's heart skipped a beat and he wished he had pockets so he could have had his coin with him. "I've never actually been kissed before, but I'm a quick learner." He hated admitting it like that. 

Sure he was interested in kissing people but work and helping his people always came first. 

It seemed Markus was beyond shocked because he just sat that silently for what felt like hours. "We don't… your first should be with someone you care about. I don't want to take that away from you." 

Oh, so that's what he was worried about. Could this man get any more perfect? "I don't mind, but I just didn't want to kiss you and it be horrible. I've tried to look it up but most say that practice with an actual living being is the key to success."

Plus it wasn't like he had anyone to practice on beforehand. There was no way in hell he was kissing Hank and he didn't really care about it too much anyway. It was just lips touching, he didn't see the significance to it. 

"Oh, well… do you want to? Like, can I? I don't want your first to just be out in public, I think it would be better to do it here. Or I can get Simon, Josh, or North for your first. I'm sure they'd all be willing." Markus said, looking between Connor and the couch. 

Connor huffed and reached over, pulling Markus to him and softly pressing their lips together. 

Markus didn't instantly pull away, instead, he brought a hand up to cup Connor's cheek. 

But then Connor pulled back, his heart beating a bit too quickly for his liking. For a first kiss, it wasn't the worst, but it wasn't the best either. 

His lips tingled slightly and he couldn't help but lick them. Markus's lips were soft but that was to be expected, they were made to be so after all. There was still something so… shocking about it but he couldn't place why. 

"Connor," Markus sighed out, still gently holding his head. Connor leaned into it and stared at Markus. "I, um, wow. Hopefully, that was good?" 

He nodded and grinned. "It was. So, kissing is alright with me if you're fine with it too." It was a nice feeling, and he'd actually like to do it again, but there was no one around that they'd have to fool. So he pulled back completely and Markus brought his hand back to his lap. 

"It's definitely fine with me. How do you feel about PDA? We'll have to do some but I won't do it too much if it makes you uncomfortable," Markus said. Honestly, Markus would make an exceptional boyfriend if this was real. 

"I'm fine with it as far as I know. I'll let you know if it does make me uncomfortable or I don't like something." He's only ever had platonic PDA but even then it was incredibly limited. 

Markus made a small pained sound. "Once this is over, are you still ok with PDA? If you don't want to be touched normally I won't, but if you do then you don't have to ask. You can just hold my hand or anything you want." 

Oh, that was an incredible offer. He had had the want to hold hands or ask for a hug but he always pulled back. He didn't know what was appropriate or wanted. "Thank you… can I hold your hand right now?" 

He offered his hand and Markus instantly took it, giving it a slight squeeze. Markus's hands were warmer than Connor's and slightly bigger too. They were incredibly soft but he also had a few calluses from painting and playing the piano. 

Part of him wanted to deactivate his skin so he could feel even more, but he decided against it. Holding hands was one thing, possibly interfacing while doing so was another. It was a bit too intimate for his liking. 

"Is this ok?" Markus asked, lacing their fingers together. Connor quickly nodded and lets out a soft sigh. 

This was definitely ok. It felt more grounding then he expected it to. "Yeah, it is." 

They sat there for a bit, Connor looking between Markus's face and their hands. 

"Oh, I do think this is important to say," Markus broke the silence. "When we do get-have to make out, it's totally fine if your body reacts a certain way. It's not odd and I'll do my best not to make it awkward if it does happen." 

Oh. Huh, it's a good thing Markus thought of that. He'd probably react and then everything would be awkward. It's good he got this out of the way now. "The same goes for you too. You don't need to feel embarrassed if it happens." 

Markus gave a slight nod. "Thank you. I am serious when I say that if anything, anything makes you uncomfortable you let me know. I won't hold it against you and you won't upset me at all." 

"Again, the same goes for you too. I'm planning on being the best fake boyfriend you've ever had." He said this with a wink. 

It got Markus to snort and shake his head fondly. "I'm sure you'd make an amazing boyfriend, and you'll make a great fake one too." 

Connor grinned and gave his hand a slight squeeze. This was going to be his easiest mission ever by the looks of it. Plus he'd get practice in dating so when he actually dates someone he won't be completely new too. It's a win-win situation. 

"Alright, if there's nothing else then we should get going to the restaurant. Josh said he sent a message to a news station. We need to be somewhat subtle, but only enough that they don't outright approach us." Markus said, moving his fingers around, making Connor giggle slightly. 

He wondered what his hands felt like. He probably had a few calluses himself from holding a gun. Were his hands as soft as Markus's? Did he actually like holding his hand? Was he making this weird by staring at their hands? He hadn't held hands before so he didn't know what was normal for it or not. 

"Connor?" Oh, right, he still hadn't replied yet. He blinked rapidly then looked up at Markus. 

"Alright, sounds good to me. Do you want to get a cab? I doubt you wanna ride my motorcycle." Connor said, standing up and using their connected hands to pull Markus up with him. 

He'd only gotten the motorcycle recently, but he absolutely adored it. He loved the feeling of the air on his skin, and taking turns a bit too fast. It was beyond exhilarating. 

"Actually, I'd love to if you'd be willing. I haven't ridden on one and I've wanted to since you got one." Markus replied, pulling Connor out and to the elevator. 

Connor swung their arms just slightly, smiling as he did. "Yes! I'd let you drive but I think it's best if you don't have to worry about that for your first time." 

Markus gave a nod and when they got to the parking deck, put the offered helmet on. Connor may drive a bit roughly but he always made sure he was safe.

Connor climbed on first and made sure Markus was steady as he got on behind him. "Alright, you're going to want to hold onto me at first. Once you're used to it you can just hang on slightly, but for now, don't be afraid to squeeze me." 

Funny enough Gavin was the one that made him truly interested in getting a motorcycle. Plus when he got one Gavin actually offered to show him how to drive it. That seemed to be their bonding moment and now they actually got along somewhat. 

Markus leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Connor, but didn't squeeze too hard. At least not until Connor started the motorcycle and revved it. Ok, so he may be showing off, but he was just proud of his bike. 

Markus clung to him as he drove, but other than that he didn't seem scared at all. From his breathless laughter, he seemed to be enjoying it quite a lot. 

Connor took them the long way and down streets, he knew he could get away with going a bit over the speed limit. He didn't want to push it too far, but he couldn't help it, this was just too fun. 

He parked the bike and got off, offering his hand to Markus who gladly took it. He seemed a bit uneasy on his feet but otherwise fine. 

Connor pulled his helmet off, running a hand through his hair to try to tame it somewhat. Markus was lucky he didn't have enough hair for a helmet to mess up. 

Once the helmets were off, Markus offered his hand to Connor who gladly took it. Then they walked into the restaurant and up to the hostess. 

"Welcome to La Récolte, do you have a reservation?" She asked before looking up. Her eyes went wide at the sight of Markus but she soon looked over at Connor and her jaw dropped. Quickly, she pulled herself together. 

"Table for two, for Markus Manfred and Connor Anderson," Markus said, leaning closer to Connor. 

 She tapped a few things into the computer before nodding. "Of course, Mr. Manfred, please come with me." 

 The two followed after her, not letting go of the other's hand even when they had to walk single-file. 

They sat down near the back so they wouldn't draw too much attention, but they still had a good view from the windows. 

Markus pulled out his chair for him without hesitation before sitting down across from him. 

"Can I start you off with a bottle of wine? We currently have a Meiomi Pinot Noir from California that I would suggest," she said while placing a menu in front of each of them. 

Connor didn’t want to let Markus go, but he did to look at the menu. "If it's alright with Markus," he said, looking up and locking eyes. 

Markus kept his eyes on him while he nodded. "That sounds amazing, we'll take a bottle of that. Feel free to bring out whatever appetizers goes best with it." 

The woman nodded before leaving almost silently. The two stayed still before Connor broke it by looking back down at the menu. 

"So, um what’s the best thing that has happened to you this month?" He couldn't stop himself from cringing at his own words. 

Markus snorted and leaned forward, batting his eyes. "Oh, definitely this. I've been wanting to finally take you on a real date since we got together." 

Connor had to hold back his laughter as he leaned in too. "You're too sweet. I'm glad we waited though, I was a bit nervous about possibly having too much attention on us." 

Markus reached out and gently brushed a curl out of Connor's face. Connor went completely still and his eyes widened slightly. 

Markus was staring at him so intensely that it made him want to squirm in his seat, but he kept still. "You have beautiful eyes." 

Connor's breath caught and he had to break eye contact. He knew it was fake but he didn't get complimented all that much. He'd get told he did a good job or that he was one of the best detectives, but this was different. It made his whole face flush and he bit his lip. "Thank you." 

Markus slowly pulled his hand back, but Connor missed the flashes of emotion that went across Markus's face. "Of course." 

He always thought Markus's eyes were beautiful but he never brought it up. He knew some of Markus's story and he knew he had to replace a few biocompents. It was probably traumatic so he avoided it altogether. 

"What do you like to do in your free time?" Connor blurted out when the silence got to be too much. 

Markus leaned back in his chair with a small grin. "You looked up conversation starters too, didn't you?"

Connor sighed out and nodded. "I did. I didn't want this to be awkward since this isn't re-uh since it's our first date out in public." He's glad he caught himself, but that was a little too close for his liking. 

"Don't worry, I did the same. As for your questions, you already know baby. If you aren't at work then you're with me." Markus said with a small shrug. 

Connor made a small sound before he could stop himself. But it seemed Markus took that the wrong way as he instantly lowered his voice so only Connor could hear. "I'm sorry, is that too far?"

Connor quickly shook his head. "No, no it's fine. I just wasn't expecting it. As I said, I've never actually done this before."

 Markus sighed in relief and reached out to hold Connor's hand again. Just then a waitress comes over with the wine and appetizers which was a shrimp cocktail. 

The waitress poured their wine out before smiling at them slightly. "Do you know what you would like for the entree?"

Oh, he hadn't actually been reading the menu when he was looking at it. 

"We'll both have the Filet De Boeuf with Potatoes Au Gratin," Markus said, easily pronouncing each word perfectly. The waitress nodded, and when Markus didn’t add on, silently left. 

The two kept their hands intertwined on the table while using the other hand to sip at the wine and eat. It's definitely some of the best food he'd ever had. 

He moaned softly before slapping his hand over his mouth. "I'm so sorry. My processors are much more sensitive on my tongue and it just tastes really good." Wow, he was fucking up a date that wasn't even real! 

"It's fine! I'm glad you're enjoying the meal. I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I let you eat something disgusting." Markus said, taking a slow sip of his wine. 

Connor couldn't help but notice a few people glancing their way. It was almost definitely Markus. It would be like the Queen of Britain going into a restaurant, everyone would notice at some point. He was just too recognizable. 

Connor did notice someone bringing out their phone and he quickly snatched his hand back and put it under the table. They were being a bit too obvious with the hand holding. 

Markus frowned but quickly looked around and saw what Connor did. Right, they weren't here just to have fun. They both had a mission to accomplish. 

The two went about their dinner and thankfully avoided any more awkward silences and bad conversation starters. 

They already had so much to talk about and even if there was a lull in the conversation it never put Connor on edge. 

It was also quite fun to fake flirt with Markus in the silliest ways. They'd make jokes that others wouldn't understand and then use those to throw in some flirting. 

The entrees were just as good as the appetizers and before they knew it they had finished their meal. They both decided to skip dessert and Markus paid for the meal. Connor had tried. but Markus had reached out first when it was offered. 

The two left the restaurant full and happy, smiling wider than they had in awhile. 

Connor felt something odd and discreetly looked around before finding what made his skin itch. They were being followed. Probably by a journalist, so that was good. This is what they wanted. 

Connor laced his fingers through Markus's and walked closer to him to whisper in his ear. "We're being followed. Don't do anything too dramatic." 

Markus gave a slight nod and turned his head to grin at Connor but also to look to where someone was indeed following them. 

The two kept walking to Connor's bike and Connor offered the helmet again. "I'll drop you back off at New Jericho?" 

Markus nodded and easily slid into the bike behind Connor, wrapping his arms around him again. This time one held him by his lower stomach and the other crept up to his chest. Markus rested his head on Connor's shoulder and gave him a slight squeeze. "It's too bad you can't stay the night. I was hoping to spend more time with you." 

Connor shivered slightly and subconsciously leaned back into Markus's warm embrace. He didn't know if the reporter could hear them, but even if he couldn't, whoever it was would probably be able to guess what was said. "I've got work tomorrow, you know that. I'll make sure to get some more free time soon." 

Markus sighed and Connor arched his back just slightly. Probably not enough to be noticeable by Markus, but that didn't mean it wasn't slightly embarrassing. He knew Markus said he shouldn't be embarrassed but it was hard not to be. 

He probably just reacted so easily because this was all new. If this wasn't then he'd probably be more cool and collected. 

"That's alright, as long as you give me a goodnight kiss." Markus chuckled and Connor started the engine. 

"I make no promises," Connor said before pulling out and getting into the street. There was plenty there to work with and he had no doubts that it would be all over the place by the morning. 

As promised he did drop Markus off at New Jericho but both seemed to be stalling a bit. Connor stayed on the bike, but Markus had gotten off and handed his helmet to Connor. 

"I really had a fun time tonight. We should spend more time together, just me and you." Markus says, rocking back and forth on his heels. 

Connor runs a hand through his fluffy hair with a chuckle. "Well, we're definitely going to be doing that more often now." 

 "Yeah, but real. As friends, you know? You're one of my closest friends but I sometimes feel like you keep part of yourself hidden around us, and me." Markus says, looking between Connor and the ground. 

Connor couldn't help but pause. "I… I sometimes feel like I don't know who I really am. I know what I was meant to be, but I'm not sure what that makes me now."

It was hard to get that out but when he did it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He didn't know who he really was, but maybe that was normal. 

"You can be anything and anyone you want to be. The only requirement is that it makes you happy. If being a detective makes you happy, then do it. If not? Well, maybe you should find something that does?" Markus suggested, reaching out to take his hand again. 

"How do I know when I'm happy? There's just so many emotions and I can't always tell the difference. I know I feel something when I complete a case but what if that's just my programming? What if I'm more machine than alive?" He said, breath coming out in short puffs.

Then Markus pulled him into a hug, and, honestly, it was a bit awkward because of the bike. That didn't stop it from being one of the best hugs he's ever received. 

Markus hugged him like his life depended on it. It was like if he let go then they'd both drown, and Markus would never let that happen. He'd stay here forever if that's what Connor needed. 

"Connor, you can't get rid of your programming. It is part of you and that's ok. You don't have to embrace every part of it, but maybe there are small pieces you still like. Just because we are machines doesn't mean we can't also be alive." Markus said, slowly rubbing his back. 

Connor shook slightly in his hold. Markus was amazing and literally led a revolution, but that didn't make what he said exceptional. What got to him was that he knew Markus cared about him as a friend and he really meant it. He wasn't just saying it to make him happy, he was saying it because it was true. 

After a few minutes, Connor slowly pulled back slightly, no longer shaking. "Thank you, and I'm sorry I ruined our fake date with this." He said, trying to laugh it off. 

Markus took his face in his hands and looked at him dead on. "You didn't ruin anything, Connor. I'm so glad you opened up, and I'm always here for you. If anything you made the night even better." 

It was hard to argue with that when Markus was staring him down like he did while leading the revolution. It was so intense that it sent a small shock down his spine. "I… thank you." 

Markus smiled and gently brushed his thumb against Connor's cheekbones. It was so tender that it almost hurt and Connor didn't know why. 

Why it hurt and why Markus was holding him like he was the most precious thing on Earth. 

Why did this make his heart flutter and his stomach twist? He didn't even have a stomach! It frustrated him because he didn't know the cause. He didn't know why he wanted to run away but also get closer at the same time. 

Then Markus brushed his thumb against Connor's lip and he jumped slightly. "Sorry, you still owe me a goodnight kiss." 

"Markus!" Connor laughed, gently pushing at the other's chest. 

Markus grinned back and moved his hands down to rest on Connor's shoulders. "Alright, how about on the cheek then? Come on, you know you want to." Markus said, turning his head. 

Connor rolled his eyes but leaned in. Before his lips could touch Markus's cheek he had turned his head so his lips landed partly on his lips. 

"Markus!" Connor shouted again, not holding back his laugh. If anyone was looking out then they'd probably think this was real. Not that it wasn't, but it wasn't the way they'd think it was. 

"Sorry, it was just too easy. Everyone needs a little bit of Connor every now and then. I'm just lucky that you're comfortable enough to," Markus said, smirking at him. 

Connor flushed and broke eye contact, accidentally looking down to Markus's lips before snapping back up. "Yeah, yeah. I really should be getting home though. Hank won't go to sleep until I'm home safe no matter how much I try to tell him I'll be fine." 

He adored Hank but the man could be a little overprotective. He knew why and it was heartwarming but also sad. He really wished he'd gotten to meet Cole. 

Markus sighed and stepped back, arms falling to his sides. "Alright. I'll let you know when the next date is, alright? Please drive safe."

"You know I always do," he said with a wink before pulling his helmet on. 

Markus steps back and Connor revves the engine before glancing at Markus. 

"Goodnight babe," Markus called out with a wide grin. Connor snorts but he can't stop thinking about that grin for the rest of the night. 

[kriscme]

One Life to Live

Hi, so now we come to the end.  The final two chapters.  Thanks to everyone who’s been following this story.  It can be read on AO3 too.  My name is Kris22 there.  As always, thanks to Ronja for allowing me to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take” available on AO3 and Fanfiction.  And thanks to Loueze for her encouragement and support.  Chapter 37 By the time the television crew was due to arrive, Peeta and I were as convincingly in love as two people could possibly be.  Of course, it was helped a great deal by the fact that we actually were.  Even so, we were hardly looking forward to our private lives becoming public again and cameras following us around as we went about our daily routine.  We worried about how intrusive it might be. Cressida had promised it would be tasteful, but the Capitol idea of tasteful can be very different from the districts.  I was afraid that it might be like that show I once saw on television about a houseful of people under constant surveillance.  They couldn’t even shower in privacy.  Would it be like that for Peeta and me?  Would they follow us into the bedroom?  Expect us to perform?  Our one consolation was that we’d be left alone once filming had ended and we vowed to ourselves that we’d do nothing newsworthy for the rest of our lives.   The day came. The house had been cleaned and tidied.  Everything was where it was supposed to be to reflect a couple who lived together as romantic partners.  Buttercup was bathed and freshly groomed.  I had the scratches to prove it.  Peeta, always considerate, had baked an assortment of breads for the crew, although I told him he shouldn’t bother.  At 7 am everything was in readiness.  10 am came and went.   And then 11 am.   At 2 pm we were still waiting.   At 4 pm we wondered if we’d got our dates wrong.   It was 6 pm when Haymitch finally got around to telling us.  They weren’t coming.  At all.   The video Remus took had violated victor media protection.  I had been filmed without my consent, wasn’t engaged in illegal activity and hadn’t voided my own protection by taking on a public role or seeking publicity.  Plutarch knew this but gambled that in our ignorance, we could be coerced into co-operating.  And once filming had started, our media protection was automatically revoked, since we had clearly consented to it.   It took only one phone call from Haymitch to President Paylor to have it sorted.   I suppose it’s of some consolation that Plutarch was severely reprimanded and threatened with dismissal.  And that he was also out of pocket for the purchase of the video and pre-production costs. As for Haymitch, I couldn’t decide whether to thank him or kill him.  He had certainly saved us from our lives being turned into a media circus for a second time but he’d let us have the worry of it for a whole week.  Peeta calmed me down and reminded me that it had brought us together.  Haymitch’s defense was that he was sick to death of our crap and wanted an end to it. He thought that a week of living together would get us sort out our differences and he was proven right.   I argued that it would have happened anyway, although I had to concede probably not as quickly.  With that in mind, I decided to let him live.   The year rolls around.  Peeta doesn’t move back into his house. It was never discussed; it was simply taken for granted.  We keep busy.  Peeta still works at the bakery as a specialist cake decorator.  He’s a partner now.  The sign above the new premises reads “Carter and Mellark Bakery and Patisserie.”  I teach at the school and on weekends I hunt. Marcus wrote to ask if I was interested in culling pest species such as wild dog and feral pig.  I jumped at it.  It seems you can be a hunter and a conservationist.   Haymitch works at the council and raises geese, which he does a pretty good job of considering he’s inebriated most of the time. We attend two weddings and one toasting.   Arthur and Lace don’t wait long before they tie the knot, or to be more accurate, thread the needle. Predictably, it was the source of much hilarity for Max, who was also invited.  At least he refrained from making jokes until after the ceremony.  I enjoyed catching up with Sateen and her husband Roy. They have a little boy.  They called him Felt.   Poor kid.   The second wedding was Octavia and Thom’s. Octavia made a beautiful bride with her rich auburn hair and fresh complexion.  Venia’s fear that their past as prep team to the Games would jeopardize their position in 12 proved needless.  Everyone knew who they were.  They’d seen them on television.  Flavius’s bright orange hair and Venia’s facial tattoos made them easily recognizable. But people had moved on.  They were tired of holding onto resentments – especially for three harmless beauty therapists whose former “victim” still willingly availed herself of their services.   The toasting was ours.  One day, we just did it.  There was no planning, no prior understanding that we’d have one.  It was the middle of winter.  We were snowed in and confined to the house.  Peeta got a roaring fire going and we picnicked in front of it using odds and ends from the pantry.  We had some stale bread to use up and toasted it by the fire.  He’d hold the toasting fork with a piece of bread to the flames and offer it to me when it was done.  The significance of it entered our heads at the very same moment. It was just a look followed by a kiss. Nothing needed to be said.  One day we might make it official, but for us we’re more married than any piece of paper or big party could make us.   Johanna won the election for District 7 mayor. She’s kept very busy but we talk on the telephone regularly.  She’s coming to visit 12 for a few days next month.   Doubtless she’ll be as disruptive as ever.  But sometimes we can use a little stirring up.  That’s what Johanna says anyway.  She takes full credit for getting Peeta and me back together and I can’t say she’s entirely wrong.   And we had a visit from my mother!  I had her possessions shipped to her home in District 4 and it seemed to have jolted something inside her, because soon after she was making plans to travel here.   It was a short visit.  She was nervous about coming here, of the memories it could evoke.  But aside from the Village, there’s nothing left of the old Twelve.  The debris from the bombs has long since been cleared away, new buildings have replaced the old, and the grass grows long and thick over the meadow.   We had a long talk about her reasons for not joining me in Twelve after I’d been released from the Capitol.  She feared being pulled down into a depression along with me.   I understood.  When you’re in the grip of it, you can see no way out.  My mother, having recovered once, was deathly afraid that she wouldn’t recover a second time.  And since misery feeds on misery, she would likely have only made mine worse.   Peeta is somewhere in the house repairing the painting of the primrose he did for me.  I don’t visit Prim in her room anymore except for that one time I when I wanted to tell her about my toasting with Peeta.   She wasn’t there.  She hasn’t been for a long time.  It was then I realized that Prim doesn’t reside in any particular place.  She’s with me every time I think of her.  I took down the primrose painting from the top of the dresser.  It belongs somewhere where I will see it every day.   I had an idea for a book, similar to my family’s plant book.   It’s to preserve the happy memories of the people we’ve lost.   Lady licking Prim’s cheek, what Cinna could do with a length of silk.  In my best handwriting, I carefully record all the details it would be a crime to forget and accompany it with a photo if we have one, or a sketch or painting by Peeta. There are photos of Finnick strewn across the dining table as I try to make my mind up on which one to use - a publicity shot that shows off Finnick’s sea-green eyes or a photo taken of himself and Annie at their wedding.   “Katniss, I was looking for some kind of adhesive tape to fix the painting and I found this letter in one of the drawers in the study.  It was addressed to me, so I opened it.” I look up, wondering what Peeta’s talking about.  He holds the painting in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other.  He leans the painting up against a wall and then pulls out one of the dining room chairs to sit across from me.  He lays the letter down in front of him.  I immediately recognize the handwriting on it as my own.  It’s the first letter I wrote to him after the mayor’s party before I thought better of it and wrote a second.  But not before putting it in an envelope and stuffing it in a drawer.  I’d forgotten all about it.   I try to snatch the letter away but he swiftly puts it out of my reach.  “Dear Peeta,” he reads. “I’m writing to you because – ““You don’t have to read it.  I know what’s in it,” I say.  “Give it back.”  I make another grab for it but he’s too fast. “. . . because I’m sure to get it wrong, or miss something important if I do this face to face.” He stops reading and hands me the letter.  I take it from him, refold it, and slip it beneath the memory book, hoping against hope, that this will prevent any more mention of it. “Did you really want to break off all contact with me?” he asks, frowning.  “I didn’t think it ever got that bad.  When?  Why?” I sigh. Why didn’t I throw the damn letter out? “It was after the mayor’s party.  I was very upset when I wrote it.  And then I had second thoughts and wrote you another. That’s the one I slipped under your door.  I’d forgotten about this one.” He gives his head a shake. “I don’t understand. Nothing happened that night.  Not between us, anyway.  Did someone say something?  Was it Max?”  His lips thin in anger.  “That – “ “No,” I say quickly.  “It was nothing Max did.” I let out a breath, and plough forward. “It was something you did.  You and Lace.  It was when you sneaked off to have sex.” There’s a moment of stunned silence.  “What?” “You know what I mean.  I saw it all.  Well, not all, but I did see the two of disappear through those swinging double doors only the staff used.   And when you came back, Lace’s hair was all mussed. And if you didn’t have sex exactly, it was something close.  That was really tacky, Peeta.  Civilized people have more decorum than to do that.  Civilized people wait until they get home.  Civilized people – “ “Katniss, we didn’t sneak off for sex. Cass invited me to see the kitchens once the dessert course was over.  That’s where we went.”   Oh.  I guess that’s a reasonable explanation.  But that dream had been so vivid.  “Then why was Lace’s hair messed up?” “Was it?  I don’t know.  I don’t remember anything different about her.  We went to see the kitchen, Cass showed us around, and then we came out. Nothing else happened.”   “But it was sticking out,” I insist.  I know what I saw.   The scene plays again in my head.  I was at the bar with Haymitch and Max, sampling shots of whisky and getting drunker and more agitated by the minute.  Agonizing over what they could be doing.  Kissing, fondling each other, maybe even fucking. “And then you didn’t even look to see if I was still there when you came back,” I add in a small pitiful voice.  It sounds so pathetic, saying it aloud.  It’s a trivial reason for cutting someone out of your life. Just because they didn’t look for you when they came into a room.   But after everything, that’s what tipped it over for me.  What finally made me give up hope and decide to end it. He reaches across the table to take one of my hands.  “Katniss, look at me.” I turn my face away, and he gives my hand a tug.  I reluctantly meet his gaze.  His eyes look earnestly into mine.  “I can’t explain the hair, okay?  But I can tell you what I do remember about that night.” He pauses, as if waiting for my approval before he proceeds.  I shrug.   “Go ahead.” He closes his eyes for a few seconds.  “You, looking so beautiful in your Cinna dress.  And me, assailed by memories of other entrances and other gowns.  Being dragged around by Lace from one boring conversation to another, unable to resist looking around to see what you were doing.  And Max, who didn’t leave your side for a minute unless it was to get you another drink. I was jealous of him without knowing why but attributed it to a fear of losing your friendship.” He pauses and adds, “At the time, you didn’t seem very happy with me.”I feel a twinge of remorse.  He’s right.  I was often moody and distant with him.  The tape viewings weren’t going as I wanted and I’d recently learned of a pattern book he was making for Lace, similar to my family’s plant book.  “You seemed to be having such a good time together, at dinner and on the dance floor. So, when we came back into the ballroom, I just didn’t want to be reminded of it.  I kept my head down and headed for the nearest group of people.  And then I did my best not to think about you.  I’m sorry.   I hurt you and used Lace to hide from my feelings.  But that’s the truth, awful as it is.”   But not nearly as awful as what I’d convinced myself of.   I don’t know what to say.  I feel so foolish.  So much anger and pain for something that existed only in my imagination.   And I’d also assumed that Peeta’s willingness to help me with the Marcus thing was due, in some part, to either empathy or guilt for having being in a similar situation himself. “No, I’m the awful one for jumping to conclusions.  I thought the worst.  You’d never be so crass as to do something like that.  I owe you an apology.  I should never – “ “You don’t owe me anything,” he says, interrupting me before I can go further.   “In fact, the opposite is true.  You wouldn’t have thought it if I hadn’t given you reason to.” He reaches across for the memory book and flips through the pages we’ve done so far.  My father. Peeta’s father.  Boggs.  It stops on Rue.  Peeta has drawn her poised on her toes, arms slightly extended, like a bird about to take flight.  There’s a reason why I asked him to portray her like this.  It’s how I want to remember her.  You can’t change the past, but you can bring the best of it into the future.   “Let’s make a deal.  Only good memories for us from now on.  Like this book you’re working on.”   He walks over to where I’m sitting to pull me out of my chair.  “Now come show me where you want this painting hung.”  I take him into the living room.  It’s the room we use most and where I’ll see it every day.   As I decide where to place it exactly, Peeta comes to stand at my back to hug me from behind.  I lean back against his broad chest and luxuriate in the strong arms that encircle me.   My dandelion in the spring.  The lullaby that Prim liked as a baby comes to mind.   Here it’s safe, here it’s warmHere the daisies guard you from every harmHere your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them trueHere is the place where I love you. “I was thinking over the mantle?  Or maybe on the far wall . . .”    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 38 Lace’s story: what happened on the night of the mayor’s party.   It wasn’t fair!  This was supposed to have been her night.   She had been looking forward to it for weeks ever since Peeta casually mentioned it on one of their date nights.  The mayor’s inauguration party was to be the biggest social event in District 12 in living memory.  All the important and influential people in the district would be there.  For ambitious Lace, it was invaluable in terms of creating contacts and securing the kind of clientele that could afford to buy her evening wear, a design niche she wanted to develop.   Besides, she dearly loved a party and she hadn’t been to one in ages.  The last one had been the district party where she had met Peeta for the first time.   He didn’t remember it though.   That was fortunate since she had come to District 12 for a new life and a new identity and didn’t want her past in District 8 compromising it in any way.   Since she was to be her best advertisement, she put a great deal of thought and effort into her gown.  She hadn’t much money saved but she splurged the lot on pale yellow satin and then spent many hours making it up.   The final touch was a trip to the salon to have her hair colored and styled.  It was an extravagance, keeping up the hair color.  But she loved it and it formed something of a disguise as it was subtly different from the typical ash brown of the natives of her home district.   As she entered the ballroom, Lace felt she was at the beginning of an exciting new phase.  After a slow start, her business had gained momentum and she was making a steady income.   A few family members had also made the move to 12 which added to her sense of security.  But best of all, was the man on whose arm she clung.  How did she get so lucky?  Peeta Mellark!  Her teenage crush.  The romantic heartthrob whose posters had adorned her bedroom wall.  The boy she had married in her dreams every night.  What a fortuitus twist of fate it had been that day when he came into her shop to have a coat made.  A flirtation had led to a date at a restaurant and then another, until she could now, without exaggeration, call him her boyfriend! True, he wasn’t quite what she had expected.  He seemed a bit aimless, and he liked activities she had outgrown, like hanging out at the ice-cream parlor and the swimming pool, but he was Peeta Mellark!   And he really was so sweet and considerate with his little romantic gestures and compliments to her beauty.  He told her she was a wonder.  And the more she kissed and flattered and stroked, the more wonderful she became.  It was a mutual admiration society that she was more than happy to live in.  The one blot on her happiness was Katniss Everdeen.  Lace had mixed feelings about meeting her. Katniss was intimidating.  Her reputation as romantic heroine, fearless symbol of the Rebellion, skillful warrior and (privately thought by most of the populace) savior from another Snow, preceded her.  But most intimidating of all was her relationship with Peeta.  He talked about her all the time. Not in a romantic sense, it was true, but it was clear she occupied a great deal of his thoughts.  The Games had been mandatory viewing and Lace, like everyone in Panem, had watched Peeta gaze at Katniss with love in his eyes.  But Peeta had an explanation for that.  It had been an illusion.  He thought he had been in love with her, but it turned out that he was in love with his idea of her, rather than who she really is.  But now he thought of her as very good friend with whom he shared an unbreakable bond.  As for Katniss, well, she had never loved him.  It had all been an act on her part. That should have been reassuring.  And it was.  Sort of.  But Peeta had lost many of his memories and what was left was distorted, so how could he be certain? But what gave her most pause wasn’t Peeta.  It was Katniss.  It was clear at the first meeting that Katniss didn’t like her.  Katniss wasn’t rude, but she was cool, even giving her the once over when they were first introduced.  And when Lace and Peeta discussed a housewarming gift from the two of them for Lace’s brother, a shadow passed over Katniss’s face.  It was subtle but unmistakable.  Katniss wasn’t as disinterested in Peeta as Peeta made out. That’s why Lace gatecrashed the tape viewings.  If there was anything going on, she wanted to know about it.  She didn’t trust Katniss one inch.  Unfortunately, the second of the tapes triggered the memory of a traumatic incident for Lace and she reacted hysterically.  Peeta asked her not to attend anymore and she had no choice but to do as he said.   However, despite Peeta watching video tape of hugs and kisses and romantic slow dancing at Capitol parties, nothing changed between herself and Peeta.  If Peeta had ever loved Katniss, it appeared that he no longer did.   Even Leevy’s revelations in the salon that day didn’t worry her for long.  So what if the star-crossed lovers had been real?  It still aligned with Peeta’s version.  What had happened in the Games and during the tours was before Peeta had realized his true feelings for Katniss.  And she’d already guessed that Katniss was in love with him.   The party was everything Lace had dreamed of. So elegant. The women in evening gowns, the men in dinner suits.  Waiters with silver trays laden with flutes of sparkling champagne. The tables resplendent with starched white tablecloths and napkins and gleaming cutlery.  She turned to Peeta to kiss his cheek. “Thank you so much for bringing me,” she said. “You really are the best boyfriend.”  He brushed her lips with his and gave her a fond smile.  “Only because I have the best girlfriend,” he replied.   She beamed and squeezed his arm.  She could hardly recall a happier moment.   And then Katniss Everdeen arrived.  Lace’s practiced eye immediately recognized her gown as haute couture.  Cinna, probably.  Deep blue, the bodice studded thickly with diamonds – were they real? – with a strapless sweetheart neckline and more diamonds scattered on the skirt.  It dazzled and Katniss dazzled with it.  Luxuriant dark hair cascading down her back in loose curls.  Smooth olive skin, fine features and those surprising eyes.  Silvery gray, the colour of storm clouds.  She had a man for each arm.  The school teacher Max Matson, who all the girls agreed was very good looking if you could get past his personality, and – it couldn’t be – Arthur!  Lace’s friend who adored her since they were children together.  She knew he was coming tonight but not with her!  She felt the arm beneath her fingers stiffen and her glance swiftly turned to his face.  Peeta appeared stunned, his mouth gaping slightly.  There was admiration, certainly, but also something darker and more sinister.  Recognition. A memory, perhaps several, had resurfaced.   Lace’s happiness dimmed as if a cloud had passed across the sun.  But she rallied, pulling Peeta quickly along to greet the new mayor and his wife who were momentarily on their own.  Lace was in her element.  She was a natural networker.  She loved to interact with people and was always searching for opportunities.  Peeta seemed a little distracted though. Looking around, not quite keeping up with the conversation.   She followed his gaze, and it led directly to Katniss Everdeen, who, no surprise, was looking directly at him.  They both looked quickly away, but that was of no comfort.  It was clear that they were on each other’s mind. Meanwhile, she was pleased to observe, Arthur had detached himself from Katniss and was busy working the room too.  Now there was a man with get-up-and-go.  He didn’t let his natural reserve get in the way of achieving his ambitions.  Lace waved him over and he changed direction to come to her side.  Soon they were talking business, a fascinating subject for them both. She didn’t notice how restless Peeta was during the exchange. Dinner was announced and everyone made their way to their allocated seats.  Unfortunately, theirs was a dull table and not even Lace’s pearly laugh could liven it up. A burst of laughter from nearby grabbed her attention.  Arthur and Haymitch seemed to be at the center of it.  It caught Peeta’s attention too.  He seemed envious, it appeared to Lace.  But whether it was over the entertaining company or because Katniss was seated there too, she couldn’t tell. After the food had been served, people resumed their mingling, moving from table to table. Peeta wanted to talk to Katniss.  Ordinarily, Lace wouldn’t feel particularly threatened by this.  Over the preceding weeks, Peeta had confided to her that Katniss seemed uninterested in spending time with him unless it was watching the tapes.  And even then, she often seemed angry with him. Lace immediately guessed the situation. Katniss had grown frustrated with Peeta. He hadn’t responded as she’d hoped and she was distancing herself as a form of self-protection.  As long as this status quo was maintained, Lace felt safe. But after tonight, she wasn’t sure of anything.   Lace demurred.  Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea.  Katniss appeared occupied and hadn’t he told her that she didn’t seem keen on his company lately?  It was best to leave her alone.  But Peeta said that they should, that it would look odd if they didn’t.  So, when Max headed off in the direction of the bar, leaving Katniss on her own, Lace reluctantly let Peeta lead her to where Katniss sat.   It was an awkward conversation.  Lace embarrassed herself with her ignorance on what it meant to be a victor at the district parties and having to face the families of the dead tributes.  Worse, she let it slip that she had been to a district party.  Her story was that she’d been a factory worker in 8. Factory workers weren’t allowed to attend district parties.  Fortunately, Peeta didn’t pick up on it, but Katniss appeared to sense that something was amiss.   There was an awkward pause.  Peeta broke the silence.  “Are you going to let me talk to Katniss?” he said to Lace, pretending to be annoyed.  She had intended to stay at Peeta’s side, but perhaps it would be better to leave before she dug herself a deeper hole. “Okay, okay,” she said, in mock surrender.  “I know when I’m not wanted.  I need to go to the ladies’ room anyway.  Just stay out of trouble and don’t bug Katniss.” There, that would show Katniss who’s really in charge and hopefully plant a seed that Peeta wasn’t exactly happy in her company either.  She stroked his hand and kissed his cheek, enjoying her Svengali-like effect, knowing that his eyes would follow her as she walked away. She went to the ladies’ room as she said she would and did the usual things women do there.  She wanted to get the timing right and was gratified to see Peeta waiting for her at their table when she returned.   The dancing started up soon after and Lace pulled Peeta to his feet.  She loved to dance.  Peeta didn’t. His prosthetic leg made it a chore rather than a pleasure and he had faint memories of dancing at Capitol parties. But he wanted to be a good boyfriend, so up he got, and shuffled dutifully around the dancefloor with her. But then Katniss and Max came into view. Max had Katniss pulled tightly against him and he swung her around in a series of fancy turns, almost lifting her off her feet.  They were making fools of themselves, thought Lace.  That’s no way to behave at a formal event. So undignified!  So tasteless!  She turned to Peeta, expecting him to be as unimpressed as she, but his face was hard, giving away nothing.  Suddenly, he put his head close to hers and whispered words in her ear.   She nodded and followed him through the double swinging doors the staff used to bring food from the kitchen.  It had been pre-arranged.  Peeta had told her about it.  Cass from the bakery was to show Peeta around the kitchens. He had never seen a commercial kitchen before.   While he marveled at the long row of ovens, the walk-in freezer, the huge storage room, Lace could barely stifle her yawns.  So boring, and it was fricking cold in there after the warmth of the ballroom. But she stuck a smile on her face and did her best to appear interested but she was hardly in the mood to hear about the merits of blast chillers when her heart was breaking.  Somehow, she had to widen the gulf between Katniss and Peeta. She had to ensure that any fledgling signs of a possible reunion between them was snuffed out before it could begin. And then she had an idea. Just as they were about to re-enter the ballroom, Lace ruffled her carefully styled hair and swiped the back of her hand across her mouth to wipe away some of the lipstick, smearing it a little. Let Katniss believe that she and Peeta had snuck away for some canoodling in a dark corner.  Isn’t that what Peeta and Katniss did as star-crossed lovers?  Sneaking off to be alone when they were at fancy events? It was in a fan magazine she’d read, anyway.  With a bit of luck, Katniss’s mind would go straight there.   She scanned the room and saw Katniss by the bar with Max and Haymitch.  The hour was growing late and the crowd had thinned but there was a group of merry young people standing around nearby.  She started to lead Peeta in their direction, but he seemed to have the same idea and led her.  And when his arm went around her waist and he pressed a fond kiss to the crown of her head, relief flooded through her.  Everything was as it should be.  She turned in his arms slightly to look over his shoulder and managed to catch a glimpse of Katniss’s stricken but resolute face, just before her hasty exit with a startled Max close behind her.   Satisfied, she leaned her head against Peeta’s shoulder and he squeezed her waist.  She had worried over nothing.  It was inevitable that as Peeta regained his memories they’d be focused on Katniss. They were, after all, the memories that Snow had meddled with.  It didn’t mean that Peeta was wrong when he said his feelings for her had been an illusion. The real proof of who he loved was in who he chose to be with.  And that was her, Lace Bomul from District 8.  

[never-neverland]

Sapphire and Moonlight: Chapter 1

I decided I was going to go ahead and post it here as well. I’ll probably start doing a small Ao3 link in the authors notes instead of what I usually do with posting the entire link. So without further ado Chapter 1: Plans for the Future.

Plans for the Future

“Hey everybody welcome back to Miraculous Fitness, as some of you know I'm Marinette. For those of you who don't know this is a channel I started with some friends, we cover a variety of things. Meditation, dance, healthy eating habits, and a lot more. We're not certified health consultants or anything though,” The girl who wore a black pair of sweat pants with an apple blossom design on the leg and a black sports bra as she faced the camera said

Marinette felt a bit giddy as she looked at the camera, this thankfully was just a vlog entry to keep the fans updated, after all there was big news to share. She couldn't wait to see their reactions as she beamed at the camera practically vibrating with excitement. This was major news, the biggest news you could share really.

“I am sad to announce that Miraculous Fitness will be taking a brief hiatus while I go on a small trip. Not to worry though, Luka and Kagami will be here still, so you'll still be getting meditation, yoga, and whatever other zany things those two throw together. I wish I could keep you guys updated on the why but it's a top secret project. We will definitely be back though no need to worry. Once we're settled we promise we'll update you guys. Until then though, bug out.”

Marinette smiled as the video blinked out. A hand to her chest as she looked over and waited for the signal. Alya glanced up and gave her a thumbs up.

“You sure you don't want to tell them where we're going? I mean it's Gotham, sure it's the city of crime, but it's still pretty amazing,” Alya asked as they packed up their equipment.

“There's no reason to make them worry. We're just going for an internship after all,” Marinette said.

It was true, by some miracle they had been chosen for an amazing opportunity. Wayne Enterprises was an amazing place to work apparently, or at least this internship was going to be an amazing thing. Everyone in their class had gotten their pick of locations, Alya would be working with he public relations office, Max in the computer science department, Nino had been a bit harder to fit but Wayne Enterprises did host events occasionally so he had decided on that ultimately. The others had all chosen places that suited them as well. Marinette wanting her classmates to get their own choices had opted to simply write in her own choices spot that she was happy being placed anywhere so long as her classmates got their choices. When she had gotten her letter it had only outlined she had been accepted for the program, nothing beyond that. A vague letter, especially once she had seen the absolute mountains some of the others had received.

“I'm going to be meeting up with Lila soon, want to come,” Alya asked.

“Actually I'm meeting up with Kagami. Need to give her some last minute adjustments for the series. But you two have fun,” Marinette said.

Marinette tried, and with herculean effort she succeeded in schooling her expression into something amicable. Lila and she would never get along, and the others would never listen to her about the lies that spewed from the girls mouth, but she had found a type of inner peace. Truthfully she would have never thought of Miraculous Fitness, between running around doing favors for everyone, being Ladybug, and all her other responsibilities she had been stretched thin. It was thanks to the brief time she was left blowing in the wind she was able to recenter and figure out some things about herself. Things she wanted to do. In truth though, it hadn't been easy, letting Lila lie and manipulate others...but Kagami and Luka had both helped her come up with methods of dealing with her frustrations.

In truth they were her inspiration for Miraculous Fitness, Luka and his meditation, Kagami and her fencing, besides fashion and swinging around as Paris's own Ladybug she found that she actually did have these pockets of empty time. Time that had previously been carved out for all of the favors she used to be on call for. So she started experimenting, yoga, dance, a brief stint kickboxing. She had even started vlogging to document it all, not as a way of rubbing anyone’s noses into it, but she would feel flashes of inspiration in the moment and she wanted to remember the feeling as she designed based on the experience. She had NEVER expected anyone to actually enjoy her silly videos but they did! So she had turned originally to two people she knew she could rely on for content and inspiration, but most of all a calm and quiet placed to land, Kagami and Luka.

Kagami had been harder to convince than Luka, but when Marinette had asked her to teach her about fencing and had actually posted a  nearly hour long video of the two talking about safety equipment and the importance of making sure your equipment was the right size for you, she had relented. Marinette even managing to convince her mom that it was a good thing, exposure through other medias and would also look excellent on applications. One of the creators of content for a successful web series.

That was besides the point though, Gotham was calling their name. Miraculous Fitness would be fine without her....Paris would be okay too. She had to think about her life after Hawkmoth was defeated and that meant going to this internship and making herself marketable. She had to think about life beyond Hawkmoth, and that was exactly what she had told Master Fu when he had tried to talk her out of going to this internship. So a compromise had been made, she would take Kaalki and if need be a quick portal and she would be back, but Luka and Kagami could handle things, distract and protect their fellow Parisians until she could get back.

Arriving at the Couffaine's houseboat Marinette called out as she heard the sounds of a guitar being carefully picked at. Silence met her greeting but she finally saw his head pop out over the edge.

“Hey come on, Kagami got here a while ago,” Luka said.

Marinette couldn't help her smile as she boarded the boat. Before she had found a balance the ship had even made her anxious, bumping into Lila while she was hanging out or having Rose and Juleka look at her like she was in the wrong. Now though she felt light as air. Lila would paint herself into a corner it was just a question of when, and while she wasn't some paragon of patience she was sure the pay off for her patience would be incredible.

“You'll be leaving for Gotham soon won't you,” Kagami asked, as if she didn't know that they were scheduled for an insanely early morning flight.

“Yep, before the sun is up so dark and early.”

“Well hopefully Hawkmoth doesn't send out an Akuma and you can all relax,” Luka chimed in, looking up from his tuning.

Marinette laughed at that, he had been slamming them pretty hard and all she wanted if she was being honest was a nap, but there was no rest when you ran a store based on commissions, were a superhero even with support, and ran a fitness blog with friends. The daily grind was relentless.

“Honestly, I'm going to sleep the entire flight there.”

“Do you know who it is you're sitting by,” Kagami asked.

“Won't know until I'm on the plane I guess,” Marinette said with a shrug.

It wasn't that she wasn't worried, ending up by Lila would be a nightmare but she would deal with it if she had to. If she could help it though she would rather sit by a complete stranger, less likely to engage her in conversation and she could sleep or work.

“I came by to drop off some things though. You guys are going to need the posting schedule and don't forget about the live stream for this weekend. We promised and just because I'm leaving doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't keep it. Also don't forget the new items for the store are going to be up soon,” Marinette said handing them both folders filled with schedules and some prints of new designs for the store.

“Marinette, you're worrying for nothing, Luka and I know how much trust you are placing in us. We love this project just as much as you do. We will not let you down and you are but a phone call away. Now you know you must make sure you are done packing,” Kagami said as she and Luka shared an amused look.

Gripping her by the shoulders Kagami turned her back towards solid ground, ignoring her stammers and protest. She was stalling, her stress levels high at the thought of not only leaving Paris, but also of being in a foreign country. Turning back to the ship to protest she could only hang her head as Kagami stood on the gang plank, a hand on her hip as she pointed in the direction of the bakery. Seeing the resolve in her friends eyes she began to trudge home alone, once a fair distance from the boat her purse wiggled as Tikki popped her head out.

“Marinette you know she's right. You still haven't finished packing,” Tikki reminded the girl.

“Oh, I know Tikki. I'm just so worried. My packet didn't have nearly as much information as everyone else, and what if Hawkmoth figures out that Chat Noir and Ladybug are out of the country? There's so many what if's...maybe this internship was a bad idea. Maybe Master was right,” Marinette lamented, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng you listen to me. You're future is in your own hands, you are not going to let anything stop you. You're Ladybug, but you're also so amazing even without that! You can do this,” Tikki said, trying to giver her chosen a much needed pep talk.

“Yeah, yeah I can do this! I'm not going to just lose an amazing opportunity. I worked so hard to get this internship,” Marinette said. “Tikki let's go.”

With a new purpose to her walk she took off heading home to pack. She had no idea what was waiting for her when the tires of the plane touched down on the tarmac or what new things she would discover. She just knew that she was going to face it and maybe she would mess up but it was going to be fine, she wasn't alone.

[writingformadderton]

Mine

Ship: Taron Egerton x Female Reader

Word Count: 4413

Summary: You and Taron are out celebrating when you happen to see your celebrity crushes at the bar. After getting a few pictures with them and having a chat, Taron is strangely quiet during the ride home. An argument ensues and it gets hot and heavy in the room.

Additional Tags: SMUT, rough sex, argument, swearing, unprotected sex, kissing

Sitting at the bar of the club was Cillian Murphy and Joe Cole. Two of your favorite actors and the stars of your favorite show at the moment, Peaky Blinders. Since starting the show, you have been obsessed with the two men and have been following them on social media, as well as watching their entire careers through earlier works. You couldn’t believe you were in the same room as them and excitement flowed through your body. You felt like you were in high school again, secretly stalking your crush through the halls.

You were at the local club downtown with Taron and some friends, celebrating your new job promotion. You worked extremely hard as an assistant director and Taron knew it. So tonight, he decided to congratulate you with a night filled with drinks and well-deserved, candid fun. Currently, Taron was talking to Bryce and you were attempting to hold the conversation with your best friend, Sierra. But your eyes couldn’t help but wander over to Joe and Cillian. Sierra followed where your eyes were trained and grinned.

“Oh, what are the chances? Both your celebrity crushes in the same place at the same time as you?” She spoke in your ear. “I’m pretty sure this was a fantasy of yours if memory serves me correctly.”

“Don’t make it obvious. I don’t want them to know I’m checking them out.” You chuckle and sip your drink. You hadn’t caught either of their eye yet, which was good for the moment. You were staring kinda hard and it would’ve been awkward. It’s a shock Taron hasn’t noticed yet.

You look over at your boyfriend sitting across from you. He laughs loudly along with Bryce, probably at something he said. You smile a bit at him. The pure joy in his face and his body language in this moment made your heart smile. Your little bundle of joy.

“Oh, come on, (Y/N). Just go up to them and ask for a picture. You’ve been waiting for this moment for years. Take the opportunity now.” Sierra encourages and gives you a little nudge.

Your eyes widen and you laugh nervously. “Are you kidding? I could never go over there alone. I would freak out as soon as I tried to introduce myself. No way.” You shake your head and decline the vote of confidence trying to creep into your system.

“I’ll go with you. Besides, who’s gonna take the picture?” She points out.

“Don’t you want a picture with them too?” You ask.

“You can take mine after I get yours. You need to shake those nerves and just do it. Don’t be a wuss all your life.” She teases with a grin.

Your jaw drops and you put a hand over your heart, faking insult. “Ouch.” You say with a flip of your middle finger. She giggles and shrugs, gulping down the rest of her drink.

“Now or never, (Y/N).” She raises her eyebrow and nods towards them. You bite your lip and look over towards the two men. They were just having a chat with people nearby, casual and candid. What’s the worst that could happen? You were just getting a picture and leaving.

With a quick gulp of the remainder of your drink, you sigh and look at your friend. “Let’s go.” You say.

“Woo!” She cheers and grabs your hand, standing up and pulling you along with her. As you get steady on your feet, Taron looks your direction with a curious smile.

“Where ya going, babe?” He asks, slightly yelling over the music. He takes in your body and smiles to himself before looking in your eyes.

“Just gonna go to the bar and get another drink. Do you want anything?” You answer with a grin. Okay, so it wasn’t the complete truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. You were going to the bar, just not specifically for a drink.

“Nah, I’m good. Be careful. It’s a bit crowded in here.” He says and you nod.

Sierra walks you both over to the bar, slipping in between dancing bodies. At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal. They were just regular people who just happen to be famous entertainers. They also seemed pretty chill. No reason to be scared.

But as you drew closer and their full figures were in your line of sight, your heart began to speed up. Though they were just normal people underneath the titles, you still have been crushing on them since the show began airing. You couldn’t make a fool of yourself now, or you would never live it down. Oh boy, please don’t let this go wrong.

Finally, you and Sierra stood in front of them, a wide smile on her face. “Hello, boys.” She speaks to get their attention. Joe turns around first and his eyes immediately land on you.

“Well, hello girls. Are we in your way?” He asks and flashes his signature smirk. You blush lightly and smile, but on the inside, you were screaming very loudly. Keep your cool, (Y/N). Cillian turned around and took a sip of his beer, showing a grin afterwards.

You breathe and find your voice, speaking up. “Actually, we came over here for you guys. We’re huge fans of Peaky Blinders and wanted to know if we could get pictures with you, if it’s not a bother.” Sierra nods at them and squeezes your hand shortly, a way of saying good job.

“Of course! It’s no bother at all for two beautiful girls.” Cillian speaks. You cheer to yourself and look over at Sierra. She winks at you and nods for you to go first. Giving her your phone, you walk over to the men as she sets up the camera.

“Hi, my name is (Y/N).” You introduce yourself and wave a bit timidly.

“Hello, (Y/N). Nice to meet you.” Cillian greets you and opens his arms a bit. You smile and give him a hug. Very gentle, yet secure.

“My turn.” Joe jokes and you and Cillian laugh, pulling away. You move over a bit and give Joe a hug, taking in his warmth. This was hands down one of the best days of your life.

You stand in between them and wrap an arm around them. Both of them put an arm around you and you blushed. You were in heaven.

“Alright, smile on three. One. Two. Three.” She counts and takes the picture with flash. Sierra shows you all the picture and you nod in approval. You heart was beating a million miles a minute. You just got a picture with Cillian Murphy and Joe Cole! You thank them and step towards Sierra to switch places.

She gives you the phone and you look at the photo as they go through introductions. You still couldn’t believe it. Your other friends were gonna be so jealous. Sierra calls out to you and you look up, seeing they were ready.

You smile and hold up your phone. “Smile on three. One. Two. Three.” You count and take the picture with a smile. “Got it.” You open the picture and show them. They all nod in approval and Sierra thanks them, stepping towards you.

“So, what brings you lovely ladies here tonight?” Joe asks curiously.

“(Y/N) just got a new promotion at work.” Sierra says and looks at you. You blush and smile, nodding at the actors.

“Oh congratulations. What do you do?” Cillian smiles and takes a sip of his beer.

“I’m an assistant director. 4 years strong.” You reply proudly.

Joe lets out a cheer and begins clapping. “That’s awesome. Maybe we’ll be working together on a project someday.” He raises his eyebrow and smiles.

“I would love to work with you guys. It would be a dream come true.” You geek out a bit and smile wide.

“Maybe we can get you and your friend on the set of Peaky as well. Give you guys an exclusive tour and you can meet the rest of the gang. Sound good?” Cillian proposes the idea and flashes a grin.

You nod and smile warmly. Is this really happening? This couldn’t be real. But when Sierra squeezes your hand and smiles at you, you are reminded that this is your reality.

You two decide to stick around and chat with them a bit longer. Joe bought a round of shots for you all and you happily accepted, clinking glasses before knocking back your shots with ease. You chat and share laughs. You find yourself getting closer to Joe, standing next to him and engaging in a conversation about your experience in your field of work. You share gentle touches, nothing more than harmless flirting between you two. Sierra keeps an eye on you as she chats with Cillian. This was clearly a boost on your already great night.

---------

Taron continued his chat with Bryce, but looks across the table at one point. Noticing you still weren’t back yet, he asks Bryce. “Hey, do you see where (Y/N) went?”

Bryce looks around and shakes her head. “Nah, it’s really crowded in here now. But she said she was going to the bar. See if you can see her from here.” She suggests as her eyes study the crowd.

Taron sits up a bit and starts looking towards the bar, trying to find anything to identify you. He stands up and focuses in, determined to find you. Suddenly, he sees your shirt and smiles. Sierra was still with you, which was good. But who was that guy you were with? He couldn’t exactly identify the stranger since his back was facing his direction.

But what Taron did see was Joe grab your hand and kiss it gently. You turn your face away to hide the blush on your cheeks. Taron furrows his eyebrows. Who the hell was this guy? Were you flirting with him? Taron couldn’t put together what he was seeing.

He watches you give Joe your phone so he could put his number in it. Taron glares at you both and lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He couldn’t believer this. You were openly flirting with a stranger! He starts to go over to you, but Bryce grabs his hand. Looking down at her, she shakes her head and pulls him down to sit.

“Don’t jump to conclusions. He may just be an old friend, Taron.” She tries to persuade him. He opens his mouth to protest, but Bryce raises her eyebrows as if to tell him no. He sighs and closes his mouth. “Talk about it at home. At least finish having a good time here.”

“Yea, you’re right.” Taron gives in. But his mind was replaying the scene over and over. He wasn’t happy at all, but he wasn’t going to make a scene. At least not here.

----------

You and Taron drove home in an eerie silence. He had been acting strange since you left the club. He wasn’t talking to you nor looking your way. He just kept his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel. You were confused, what happened between then and now?

“Baby” You speak to get his attention.

“Hm” He grunts, still not looking in your direction.

“Are you okay?” You watch him closely.

“Fine.” He gives you a short answer.

“Are you sure?” You reach your hand out and place it gently on his thigh.

He tenses underneath your touch and shifts a bit in his seat. “I’m driving, (Y/N). Move your hand.” He mumbles just barely above a whisper. You raise your eyebrows and move your hand slowly. What the hell was going on? You turned your attention to the atmosphere outside of the window and don’t speak until you’ve gotten to the house. This was going to be a long night.

----------

Stepping inside the apartment you two share, you take off your shoes and walk further into the house. Turning around to face him, you fold your arms over your chest and watch him. “Are you going to talk to me now?” You press him on the matter.

“Who was that guy?” He asks and leans against the door.

You furrow your brows and drop your arms. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw you at the bar with Sierra. You both were with two guys and the one you seemed to be rather close with was flirting with you. You were doing the same.” He spoke, but you could hear his voice begging to raise a few octaves. But he was going to be patient and hear you out, for now.

You scoff and rubs your eyes, not believing your ears. “Are you being serious right now? You gave me the silent treatment the entire care ride home because I was talking to som-“

“Flirting, (Y/N). You were flirting with him.” He cut you off in the middle of you trying to clarify this situation. “He kissed your hand and you blushed like a damn teenager.” His voice began to raise.

“Okay first of all, it was a hand kiss. Nothing more. You’re acting as if he actually kissed my lips.” You begin to defend Joe.

“Who was he, (Y/N)?” Taron asks again, his arms now folded against his chest.

You sigh and close your eyes. This is not happening. “It was Joe Cole. Sierra and I noticed him and Cillian Murphy at the bar and went over to get some photos.” You give the full explanation. Maybe now he’ll relax a bit.

But Taron didn’t look convinced. In fact, he looked a bit more pissed off. “So, you were openly flirting with Joe Cole. Did you forget that I existed or something?” He squints his eyes at you.

Oh no he did not. “What are you implying, Taron?”

“You two looked pretty comfortable. Ya know, as if you don’t already have a boyfriend. Or is Joe your boyfriend?” His tone was bothering you and you felt your blood get hot.

“I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this.” You raise your voice.

Taron pushes his body away from the door and slowly steps towards you. “I’m just trying to understand why you were cozying up to him at the bar.” He keeps his eyes locked on you.

“I wasn’t cozying up to him! I was being friendly. If I complained about every woman you flirted with, we’d be arguing for days!” You throw back at him and stand your ground.

“I don’t fli-“

“Don’t even try it! Before I even told you Sierra was my best friend, you couldn’t stop touching and flirting with her. If anyone was giggling like a schoolgirl, it was you!” He stopped a few feet away from you and rolled his eyes. “And let’s not forget your female friends that you make sexual jokes with.”

“They are my friends! Not strangers!” He yells. “Don’t pretend you don’t do the same.” He says through gritted teeth.

You glare at him. Just as you open your mouth to speak, you chuckle softly and shake your head. “I can’t believe this.” You say, figuring out what this was about. “You’re jealous.”

Taron rolls his eyes. “Oh please, what do I have to be jealous for?” He speaks bitterly. You were right.

“You were jealous of the attention that I was getting from one of my celebrity crushes. You’re unbelievable.” You look in disbelief.

“I have nothing to be jealous of.” He warns you with a stern tone. “You’re mine and mine only.”

“Really? Because Joe seemed to like me a lot. Ya know, maybe I should put his number to use. Go out to dinner with him.” You begin to taunt him.

“(Y/N), stop. I mean it.” Taron spit out.

“Why? Afraid to admit I’m right?” You raise an eyebrow. Now that he brought you to this point, you were going to push his buttons. But just how far were you going to go with this?

Taron scoffs and turns his back to you, rubbing his temple. He needed to calm down.

“You know what, I will go to dinner with him. I’m sure he’s a lovely guy.” You press on.

“Oh, I’m sure he fucking is.” He cursed.

“I bet he’s a good kisser as well.” You taunt him with a grin.

His head shot in your direction as his eyes widen. “Oh really? You wanna go there?” His words were warning you to stop before it got out of hand. But you were willing to go there.

“You’re damn right I do. And you know what else?”

“What?” He glares at you, daring you to say your next sentence.

You smirk. “I bet he’s great in bed too. I’ve seen the show enough to picture it. He knows what he’s doing.” You finish and stare directly in Taron’s eyes.

That was the final straw. He takes a few long strides towards you before his hand is wrapped around your throat and you’re pushed against a wall. You gasp as you feel the slight pressure on your throat and Taron’s body pressed against yours. His breath was hot on your neck as he took in your scent. His free hand roamed your body slowly, ghosting over belly and waist.

”I don’t think I heard you correctly darling. Say that again.��� He whispers into your ear. You feel the hand on your body lowering until it reaches the waistline of your leather skirt. Your breath hitches as he travels lower. “I can’t hear you.”

You gulp. “I-I said Joe was-oh god!” You breathe out when Taron’s hand finds its way underneath your skirt and is ghosting over your clothed core. His fingers softly rub over your clit through your panties and your body instinctively push against his fingers.

“What were you saying?” He looks dead in your eyes, watching for every reaction. You bite your lip and look in his eyes. As soon as he moves your panties to the side and teases your core with his fingers, you close your eyes and swallow the moan threatening to break free.

“Taron, please touch me.” You whine and try to get some friction from his fingers. But he was teasing you, pulling his fingers back ever so slightly every time you squirmed.

He brings his face close to yours, your lips barely centimeters apart. Reaching out as much as he’ll allow, you try to kiss him. But he pulls his face away from reach, grinning at your frustration. You try again a few more times and you get the same result. With a whine, you give up.

“Is this what you wanted all along? You just wanted me to touch you?” He asks, but already knows the answer judging by how wet you are against his fingers. He teases your entrance with the tip of his finger and you moan lowly.

“Shit mmm.” You bite your lip. “Baby please, I’m sorry. I’ll be good.” You try to convince him.

“What do you want, love?” He teases and begins kissing your neck, biting down softly. He knew your body and knew it got overwhelmed when it was hit with too many sensations at once.

“Touch me, Taron. Please baby.” You whine and give him the best puppy eyes you can manage. He growls and kisses you roughly. You melt into the kiss, battling his tongue for dominance. With your focus on that, you don’t notice him sliding your panties down a bit and pushing two fingers inside you.

You gasp at the feeling. “Oh fuck!” You moan out. He smirks and kisses your neck and collarbone, fingering you fast. He was hitting the right spot with every thrust of his fingers. You close your eyes and moan loudly. God, his fingers shouldn’t feel this good inside you. This wasn’t fair.

“I bet Joe couldn’t make you this fucking weak just from his fingers, now can he?” He taunts in your ear and bites down on your earlobe gently.

“Taron!” You whine and grind against his fingers. You were gushing against his fingers with every stroke of your spot. Your orgasm was building quickly, but you were trying to hold it back for as long as you could. But Taron knew when you were holding back with just a simple feel of your walls clenching around his fingers.

“Oh babygirl, you’re getting close.” He whispers in your ear. “I’m nowhere near finished with you.” He uses his thumb to rub your clit and speeds up his fingers.

You cry out and can’t help but tighten around his fingers. “Fuck T-Taron! I’m gonna cum if you ke-ep oh doing that.” You plea with him to get him to slow down. But that only triggered him to go faster. Your body tenses and you try to close your legs around his fingers.

He pries your legs open and smirks down at you. “How close are you babygirl?” He asks.

“So close. Taron pleaseeeee!” You whine and bite your lip. All you needed was a few more thrusts.

But all hope seemed lost when Taron pulls his hand away suddenly. You let out a shaky sigh and pant heavily. You look up into his eyes and whimper.

Taron grins and brings his hand closer to his mouth. Looking in your eyes, he takes his middle finger and sucks it clean. You watch and lick your own lips, desperate for a taste. Once his finger had no trace of you left on it, he raises his other to your mouth. With no hesitation, you take his finger into your mouth and savor the taste on your tongue. You moan at the taste and clean his finger off effortlessly.

He grins and pulls his hands away from your body. For a short second, you have time to breathe and try to cool down, your orgasm still too close for comfort. But it doesn’t last long as you feel him tear your panties away from your body and pick you up in his arms.

You gasp and wrap your legs around his waist instinctively. “Taron, wha-“ You don’t get to finish your question as he cuts you off with a strong kiss. With your body still pressed against the wall and your tongues battling, Taron unzips his jeans and pushes them down along with his boxers and teases your entrance with the tip of his cock.

“You’re soaking, (Y/N). I wonder who made you this wet.” He teases you and bites your bottom lip, pulling gently. You groan at the feeling and kiss him passionately. Taron takes the opportunity to thrust into you fully, swallowing the loud moan that leaves your throat. He doesn’t give you any time to adjust and goes at a steady pace, holding you tight in his arms.

You moan loud as he fucks you against the wall, not missing a single beat in his rhythm. He starts kissing your neck and marking your body. Marking you as his and only his. Your hands tangle in his hair as you fully enjoy the sensation he’s giving you.

“Taron, baby” You whimper out and pull his hair a bit. He grins and picks up his pace, putting one hand on the wall next to your head to steady himself. Your legs tighten around his waist as you feel your orgasm building up inside you. Biting your lip, you try to keep in the obscene sounds daring to leave your throat.

But Taron noticed and wasn’t having any of it. He holds you close and walks you both over to the dining table, laying your body down and moving your legs from around his waist to on his shoulders. “Don’t be shy now, love. Let them hear who’s making you feel this good.” He leans down towards you and thrust into you hard, taking your breath away. The new angle was perfect to hit your spot, and of course he knew this.

He fucks you fast and hard, rocking the table a bit with each thrust. You were trapped between the table and his body, with no other option than to take it. The thought alone made you gush and the way he hit your spot over and over was tightening the coil in your stomach quickly.

You clench around his cock tight and moan loudly. “Taron! Fuck I’m so close!” You yell out and tangle your hands in his hair.

His hands gripped the table and began putting all his force into his thrusts. He was owning you and making sure you would never forget it. “Who’s fucking you like this? Who’s making you scream loud enough for the neighbors to hear?” He grunts in your ear and you cry out.

“You, Taron! Only you baby!” You scream out and feel your legs start to shake. You needed to cum now or you felt like you were gonna explode. “I need to cum! Oh shit!”

“Cum for me, babygirl. Let them all hear who’s making you cum.” He bites down on your neck and grins.

You closed your eyes and let your orgasm go. You felt your body unraveling as your orgasm washed over you. You screamed his name and he grinned at the sight. It only took a few more thrusts from him and he was cumming inside you. Your walls were still gripping his cock tight as he came. He groans into your neck and lays on top of you.

“Fuck babygirl.” He pants and kisses your neck softly. You pant and close your eyes, trying to catch your breath.

“My legs, Taron.” You pat his back. He sits up and lays your legs down, loosely putting them around his waist. “Thank you.”

“Mhm.” He presses light kisses to your neck, moving up towards your face and covering your face in kisses. You chuckle softly and just endure his treatment. Finally, he gets to your lips and gives you a long, passionate kiss. Not too rough or needy, just relaxed.

You break away from the kiss and look into his eyes. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I just was upset.” You say softly, gently caressing his face.

He smiles and kisses your lips. “I know love. It was just in the heat of the moment.” He says. You smile and bite your lip. “But, don’t forget who owns you.” He grins and playfully slaps your thigh.

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Emma Ficready and welcome to Behind the Quill, it’s wonderful to finally have the chance to chat with you.

Many readers will know you already from works like “Chimaera” and “Sins of the father” for those that don’t,  a Trigger Warning from Emma that  their works contain graphic violence and abuse and may cause distress to some readers. 

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? It's actually my previous name! Although very apt for a fiction writer. Though it's pronounced more like Thick - Reedy, I use it over my new name because my partner does not know I'm a fiction writer, and I  don't think they'd react well if they found out, it's something they'd struggle with. I'm a long term partial carer for them and they have some mental health issues, so I try to avoid any situations that could be a potential trigger. Plus I like having something all to myself. Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most? I think I would say I probably relate to Severus Snape the most. I can relate to how 'damaged' he is, and how much the bullying he endured as a child, affected the adult he became. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) I think I like to read angst the most, as to me that's more real, I don't generally read stories that are entirely fluffy all the way through. I love a happy ending, but  I can't cope with total fluff because I find it unrelatable, life isn't sunshine and daisies all the time. Do you have a favourite "classic" novel? I don't know if it's old enough to be classed as a classic, but I'd have to say 'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee. At what age did you start writing? Very young. I had my first poem published by aged 10. How did you get into writing fanfiction? After being heartbroken at the end of Harry Potter series , I just wanted more and I had been reading fanfiction stories for years. I was constantly looking for stories, I'd get this thought in my head and it was like 'I wonder if I can find a story about this' and when I couldn't I just thought... well why don't I write it? I also find the writing very cathartic. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? I love hurt / comfort fics. I'm a sucker for it. It is something that I represent quite a lot in my fictions, because I can see both Hermione and Severus in that role in their own individual way. Hermione who is constantly a champion and a voice for others, and Severus who is there quietly and thanklessly fighting for others the entire time, I can see both of them naturally falling into those roles of 'saving' someone , without it being out of character. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? I'm not particularly active in any other fandoms, I have always been a Buffy Fan and I love the Inheritance cycle books by Christopher Paolini , though short of reading other fanfictions I am not active in the community like I am with Harry Potter. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? The epilogue, probably the  most common answer you get  and I know everyone is going to expect me to say because she never should've married Ron, but I can see her marrying him and subsequently divorcing him as being true to Character but I'd change the epilogue because I don't think Hermione would or should ever have settled for being a ministry worker, she deserved so much more. Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? I don't know if this counts but... Severus's Patronus changing after he survives the war. I see the doe as symbolic to the debt he felt he owed her, and I like the thought of the visual change of patronus, representing the emotional change he goes through in accepting the past and moving on now he feels that he's fulfilled his promises. Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? Quiet! I love music, the heavier the better actually, but I have to be in the right frame of mind for it. Otherwise I can sometimes get sensory overload. I hate white noise and things like asmr, I often wear hats or headbands, or have my hood up to block out some noise. What are your favourite fanfictions of all time? How long have you got? Honestly that's not an easy question to answer, and it doesn't have one answer. But I could say that some of the stories I find myself reading over and over again are 'Sin & Vice' , 'Another Dream' and 'Lay me low'. There's no way I could write all my favourites down here, but they're the ones I re-read most often. My favourite WIP is probably ' Inkstains' Are you a plotter or a pantser? 90% Panster. I will literally have one small idea, it could  be one small interaction, one conversation or one event that pops into my head and I will end up writing a story around that one small thing. My story signs entirely stemmed from the one interaction of Severus handing Hermione the note. I knew I wanted that, and then it was by the pants from then on How does that affect your writing process? It means that I do update my stories in a regular order, so no one story is left too long without an update. I literally sit down, crack my knuckles and go 'right, I'm writing the next chapter of this story now. I write it and post it as soon as it's finished. I write from my phone too, so I apologise for any grammatical or spelling errors, auto-correct is the bane of my life at times What is your writing genre of choice? Have you read my fictions!? Interviewer: Well yeah, but I’m asking because you’ll be new to at least  some of the audience. (chuckles) Ha. Sorry. Angst, all the way. I write angst and hurt/comfort, very dark stories as I pull a lot of my ideas from the real life experiences of myself and friends I met in therapy. Writing about trauma is very cathartic for me and helps me process my own feelings about my own history. Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why? Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it? How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write? That's a tough one, as there are elements to all of them that are important to me. None of the stories I write quite unfold like I imagined they would, they just sort of take off and I'm along for the ride. I'd be remiss not to talk about Not the Same girl at this point, as that story has probably had the biggest impact for me, the responses it's had and the people reaching out to me, both positively and negatively. I've had some outright hate over that fic, and abusive messages to the point that I almost gave in altogether and I think because of that people will expect me to say Not the Same girl is the fiction I relate to most, and while I do draw a lot from personal experience it's actually Father Mine as that resonates with me on a more personal level, that and an as yet unpublished WIP I have in the works, I think the huge dichotomy of feedback I've had for stories like Not the Same girl though, have both given me a thicker skin to the hate and encouraged me through the sheer overwhelming amount of people who’ve reached out, that find the stories cathartic in dealing with their own trauma, which is gratifying as an author to do that for people, when I myself am looking for that same release in writing it. It's great to have this mutual satisfaction and it's really rewarding. What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing? I think probably going to refer back to Harper Lee and to kill a mockingbird. The whole premise of telling a story that no one wants to hear or acknowledge, the things that are widely known but rarely spoken about. In “To kill a mockingbird” it's sexism, racism and prejudice against others based on their mental health or intelligence but we still see this so much in daily life, about how much hate and horror and suffering is seen in day to day life, the trauma that so many people have suffered is widely known but swept under the rug because it's easier. No. Hell No. Fuck that. Hiding doesn't change any of it, it may be under the rug but it's still there. People rape other people, people hurt other people, people discriminate based on gender, sexual preferences, skin colour, occupation, people have suffered in life and are damaged by it. Acknowledge it. Don't  brush it under the rug, don't ignore it because it's more comfortable for most people, shine the light on it and say. "This is real. This happens. We need to acknowledge it and we need to do something about it"  And I think that's shown in my writing , I don't glorify  anything, I'm not writing snuff but I don't hide anything either. I make people see this is something that I won't gloss over. Does it make you uncomfortable? Good , it should. If people are uncomfortable , at least they are acknowledging the realness of that situation and not ignoring it. Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction? How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? Nobody knows I write fanfiction,  I use a previous name and I very much write for my own cathartic relief. I chose not to share that I write fiction because I'm a carer for my partner, I don't know how they'd react, it could honestly go either way where they'd be absolutely fine or it would trigger them and I'd have to stop, that's the reason I keep it to myself, I'd hate to do something that would mean I'd have to stop writing, not when so many people are so emotionally invested in the stories that I write. How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media? Reviews man. Reviews are the nectar of life, I read every single one and though I don't have time  to reply to most, trust me when I say that I treasure each one and appreciate them immensely. I have my social media which I find the easiest way to speak to people , I have my own Page on Facebook and I'm on a number of SS/HG groups. It's hugely important to me to speak to my audience and I really encourage them to get in touch with me, I'm always happy to talk about my work and people have been in touch just to talk about their feelings or emotions that have been triggered by my work and I welcome it all.  I mean, I've got people translating my stories them into French, into Russian...it's crazy, I never expected it to be so popular and I am always happy to hear from people. Though I apologise if I don't respond straight away,  I have to write on the sly and sometimes real life takes over, so I can't log in for a week or more at a time.   What is the best advice you've received about writing? First and Foremost, write for yourself. The rest is just gravy. What do you do when you hit writer's block? I move on to another story. I always have more than one WIP at any one time, If I can't find inspiration for one, I'll update another, or start a jumble of notes for others. There's always something that needs to be written down, even if it wasn't what I had planned on. Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing? Very much so. Almost all the trauma and hurt and situations that appear in my stories are either translated from my own experiences or those of people I know. Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser? I had a number of stories in the works! When A Cure For Magic is completed, I will most likely post the next one up. I can't give too much away , but the next story is called "Catching Fire" and will be an incredibly dark story, with a lot of morally grey characters. Any words of encouragement to other writers? Just do it.  If you want to write it,. write it. First and foremost write for yourself. Don't listen to anyone who's negative ,or unsupportive. I get so many people message me saying things like 'I want to be a writer', but don't know where to start' and to which my answer is you already are a writer. Writing is 99% mental, you have the words, they're there in your head, you just haven't put them down yet. Thanks so much for giving us your time.   Any time , it's been great and I'm happy to answer questions any time , thank you for inviting me.

[iwatchforher]

Why do you like Vanity so much? :)

oh hoohohoho do you even have time for this? If you don’t, I GOT YOU COVERED, I made a literal power point presentation here because I’m a loser I couldn’t shut up about vanity after the proposal. Spoiler alert: I still can’t, so let’s go lesbians:

          1.  Charity and Vanessa have incredible chemistry

I can (and I will) list all of the reasons why I love this pairing, but it all boils down to: they do it for me. They are a believable couple and whenever they’re on screen there’s a spark that is so hard to come by and it’s magical.

            2.  Emma and Michelle seem to be in it to win it

They just don’t half-ass it. I know it should be a given, but it oftentimes is not and, however sad this may be, whenever there are straight actors involved in a lgbtq+ couple we can expect less than optimal dedication, BUT NOT HERE. They both work their damn hardest to make the characters’ love and attraction to each other jump out of the screen, even when it’s not scripted. I am so thankful to the two of them for the little touches and looks in big ensemble scenes when I very much doubt there’s much specific direction for the background acting. We are truly blessed!

           3.   They’re both 40+ years old

Don’t get me wrong. I like me a good coming-of-age story, but I really miss proper ADULT ships. Here we get both a bisexual woman who is completely comfortable with her sexuality AND a woman who’s still figuring it out, but the story surrounding that is wrapped up pretty quickly and it’s soon just about them.

           4.   There are lgbtq+ people behind the scenes, too

This makes a HUGE difference in how the characters are portrayed, no matter what. PS: Yes, Kate Brooks is engaged to Michelle and if I have to see another idiot imply anything negative I might have to fly to wherever they are, with an axe.

           5.   Charity was a major character before vanity

In many pieces of media lgbtq+ couples are there to fill a quota, but they never have as much screentime as other couples. They’re not being as heavily featured at the moment, but I honestly feel like they are treated just like any other main couple on the soap and I think that’s a lot to do with the fact that Charity Dingle is one of the central characters in the show. It was pretty bold to introduce a lesbian couple utilizing an already beloved (and hated) character.

          6.   It’s good representation

As previously stated, we’re talking about representation in front of and behind the cameras of women in an age group that is often not represented to such extent. On top of that, their storylines were actually handled with care! The progression of their relationship made sense, there was no cheating involved and, as a couple, they are so SOFT (and eventually passionate, which I’d love to see more of). They display healthy communication while showing us that gaining each other’s trust was a process. They have brought out the best in each other without needing to use any toxic tropes.

          7.   No homophobia!! ! !1

I touched on this in my PP presentation, but it still baffles me. It would’ve been SO EASY to have them face homophobia in the village. I know they wouldn’t want to villanize any of the beloved villagers, but it would’ve been easy (and cheap) to have Bails be a homophobe, for example, but they never go there. Charity openly announces their relationship status to everyone around her and you know what? It clears my skin.

          8.   They fight so GOOD

I wish they didn’t because I’m a weak baby who just wants to see them happy, but all of their fighting scenes are STELLAR. Emma is a powerhouse at all times, but I think these explosive scenes are where Michelle really shines. She can make that ray of sunshine be feisty as hell. I love it.

          9.   The comedy duo WE DESERVE

I honestly think they’re underutilized when it comes to funny scenes. They’ve both proven to be HILARIOUS separately, but we’ve only gotten a glimpse of what they can do together and I, for one, stan. 

          10.   They kiss even better

I won’t bore you with details when I have an entire post dedicated to all of their kisses. What I’ll say here is: when I saw a gifset of the “rock your world” kiss I was DONE. All of the above came after. Their kissing is what roped me in.

[bibelothug]

Black Lives Matter

Hi, nice to meet you!

My name is Ayumi Konno, and I am the founder of Bibelot, an online shop selling apparel, picture books and miscellaneous goods. I am also the mother of a 10 month old baby.

After hearing about the death of Mr. George Floyd, I started to learn more about racial discrimination against black people in the United States and began to wonder what I personally could do to fight against racism.  I decided to collaborate with artists to create T-shirts that will spark discussions and bring awareness to this issue. 

History and current status of discrimination against black people in America

In America, black people have suffered discrimination for a very long time, and this racist oppression continues today. 

Forced into slavery in the 17th century in America, black people continued to experience racism even after slavery was abolished in 1865. 

After that, Jim Crow laws did not recognize black people as having the same rights as white people, and separated black people from white people in public institutions (schools, buses, toilets, etc.).

Image reference:  zinnedproject.org

In America’s history, there are many instances of black people being murdered. As a new parent, learning about the following injustice of the murder of Mary Turner in particular left an impact on me. 

The murder of Mary Turner, who lived in Georgia in 1918.

On May 18, 1918, a man named Hayes Turner was murdered by a mob of white people after a white landowner was killed. 

His wife Mary Turner denounced the mob who killed her husband and in response was murdered brutally by the mob. Despite being 8 months pregnant, she was lynched, her body strung up on a tree, set on fire, and her unborn child murdered. 

In 1865, Article 13 of the US Constitution was passed, abolishing slavery. However, violent racism persisted and mob lynchings and burning of black people’s houses  by the KKK (white supremacist organization) was rampant.

The Jim Crow laws that enforced racial segregation continued until the Civil Rights Law was enacted 56 years ago.

Discrimination is not a thing of the past, it continues today. 

Image reference:  humanevents.com

Today, many black people in America live with the fear of being arrested for no reason and beaten by the police, even in the midst of their daily activities whether it’s going out to take a walk, or even sleeping at home. 

Article 13 of the Constitution abolishes slavery, but does not apply to those sentenced to prison.

Even innocent people or those who have been arrested for misdemeanors and who cannot afford bail are sentenced to work jobs receiving hourly wage of the equivalent of 15 to 150 yen, not eligible for social security benefits. 

Percentage of population living in poverty (2018): 8.1% white, 20.8% black

Wealth disparity (2017): Median wealth of white households is 10 times that of black households

According to the statistical results from 2013 to 2019, although 76.3% of the American population is white and 13.4% is black, black people are three times more likely than white people to be killed by police. Of those killed by police, black people were 1.3 times more likely to be unarmed than white people. 

 Reference Reference: Mapping Police Violence｜Mapping Police Violence

And systematic racism afflicts black people today. 

Please see this video for a summary of this project and institutional discrimination in below.

Discrimination in Japan

Many people may think that this has nothing to do with Japan and that racism against black people does not even exist in Japan. 

However, it has become clear that across generations in Japan, stereotypes and prejudices against black people exist. 

It’s theorized that in the wake of the second world war, one of the ways that Japan sought to bolster its reputation amongst Western countries was adopting America’s racist attitudes towards black people. In essence, they joined white America in viewing black people as the common enemy. 

To this day, that affects how black people are portrayed in Japanese media, which all too often is via racist stereotypes and caricatures. 

Why I decided to start this project

The murder of Mr. George Floyd on May 25th by a white police officer was the incident that moved me to do something. 

After learning about George Floyd’s murder,  I contacted a black friend, watched the video of the incident and read to try to understand what had happened and why. 

Ashamed that I did not know about the suffering so many people experience at the hands of systematic racism today, I thought that I could do something and started planning this project.

If I want to help my black friend, I understood that I have to be part of systemic change. 

I felt that systemic change requires the power of many, not just of a minority, not just of those in the United States,  but many people all over the world, including Japan.

What I want to achieve with this project

For racism to be abolished and for our world to be one where no child or adult experiences discrimination or discriminates against anyone in any country. 

With that in mind, I want to start by understanding and learning, and talking with others more. 

So, I made a T-shirt with two artists to help start the conversation.

My hope is that through this project, through these Tshirts and artworks, people can discuss, share and learn.

Massage from Friend

I am so encouraged. Friends around the world are rising up. My friend Ayumi said when she started learning about systemic racism she was ashamed she didn’t know before. But by googling, watching movies, reading books, talking to friends, she is an example that we can always learn. It is never too late to learn. I am grateful, too, that she has so eagerly joined in doing the work, and sharing what she’s learning with others in her community esp those who are mostly Japanese-speaking.We shall over come!

Use of funds

T-shirt production cost: JPY 1500-2000 depending on the number of orders received

Transportation costs and tariffs from the UK: Approximately 20,000 yen

Return shipping cost: Approximately 20,000 yen (when 100 pieces are shipped by mail)

Kenzo's design fee: 25,000 yen (500 yen x 50 pieces)

All other proceeds will go to the Black Lives Matter movement. 

Schedule of delivery

September 1 Preorder begins

September 30 Preorder finishes

October 1 Final order of T-shirts 

Estimated shipping from Bar One Clothing in England in late October

As soon as Tshirts arrive, they will be shipped out in November

Donation made to the BLM movement after completing shipping of Tshirts in late November

We will announce the specific BLM organizations and report the total donation amount on this note, Bibelot's instagram account, and YouTube Hug Fuku Channel.

I will be placing the final order on October 1st, so please complete payment by then. Please transfer money to PayPal.

 Collaboration T-shirt with Kenzo

￥3500

Collaboration T-shirt with artist Kenzo

After George Floyd's murder, I contacted my black friends, and was introduced to Kenzo, a black artist living in Ogasawara. A pointillist artist, Kenzo’s artwork is amazingly painstaking. 

Only the stippled area is printed on the silk screen. Both men's and women's Tshirts will be printed on organic cotton Tshirts called Earth Positive, which are produced using only renewable energy. The material is very soft to the touch and comfortable to wear.

From KENZO This picture holds a lot of meaning for. I have never thought so much about a single drawing. It stirs up a lot of emotions in me. 

The importance of black life does not mean that black life is more important than anyone. A symbol of unity, and solidarity. It’s about standing up for someone who is suffering. The person who cried "I CANT BREATHE". A person who is treated like an animal rather than a human.

This is not just an American problem. It affects the whole world.

Can you imagine a world in which you are afraid of the people who are supposed to support and protect you?

Even when they are victims and should be the ones receiving protection, they must fear their own lives from those who are supposed to protect them. 

This is the world in which we, people of color, have to live.

But there is hope. People all over the world are standing up with us. With Black Lives Matter they are standing up for the right thing!

This drawing is meant to shed light on those who fought for us and keep fighting with us! It has a little history and represents what I think #blacklivesmatter represents.

With this, I hope you share it with your friends and help them get out of it. It takes a total of 139 hours to complete and is made entirely of dots. With each dot I thought of all the people of color who are suffering from oppression.

Collaboration T-shirt with NAO HIGA

￥3500

I asked HIGA NAO (Bonmu) to design the women's T-shirt.

NAO-san wanted to donate her work in support of the movement. 

Nao's paintings depict brown-skinned women. For Nao, brown is the color of nature and is very beautiful.

NAO HIGA (Bonmu)

Born in Miyagi

After 10 years as a graphic designer and illustrator in Tokyo, she moved to Kumejima, Okinawa, and expresses the inspiration that she received from the natural scenery and life of the island through silkscreen.

She shares, “Currently, I am engaged in daily production activities in Yanbaru, where the rich nature of the main island of Okinawa remains.”

✴︎ NAO's thoughts on the project ✴︎

“While I have lived so far, I have witnessed scenes of discrimination, of varying severity, in various places.

My world started to move little by little as a result of these incidents. 

I think the world will definitely change if each one of us can pay attention to what is happening. 

And I want to leave a peaceful and bright future without discrimination for future children! With these feelings, I resonated with the aim of the project and so I wanted to participate.”

How to preorder Tshirts

If you would like support this project and reserve a Tshirt, please e-mail info@bibelot.jp (Please be sure to add this address to your contacts so that you can receive emails) If you do not receive a reply within 3 days, please check the settings again and resend.

To make your reservation,  copy and past the following text:

① Kenzo or Nao Higa (Only write the designer whose Tshirt you would like)

②Size (Please choose from MEN’S: Small, Medium, Large or WOMEN’s: Small, Medium, Large) ③ Color (white or black)

④ Your name

⑤ Address

⑥ Phone number

⑦ Message of support for this project (optional)

(Please note that we may anonymously share your message on SNS.)

I will be placing the final order on October 1, so please complete payment by then. Please transfer money to the following account; Paypal

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us.

Finally

I grew up in Japan and still live in Japan. I just quit the company and started a shop, so I can't afford it. But I thought there was something I could do for this problem. Nowadays, there are many people who do not have black friends around them, so many of them may not be able to catch themselves.

I think this is a story that is relevant to you when you think about the future, not the fire on the opposite bank.

During the internationalization, my child may marry a black man and his grandson may have dark skin.

I want my children and grandchildren to be rewarded for their efforts to avoid discrimination when they go abroad.

There are many social problems, but let's start from what we can do.

And many black people are still being treated badly and unable to get out of a difficult environment.

Analyze how you feel, investigate, talk to people, share on SNS, make donations, buy.

I think there is some courage in what you think of. I want you to be brave and take a step forward.

Many people have cooperated since the end of May. I've been working for this project, and I'm really happy to hear that I'm in agreement.

We hope that you can participate in the change in the world by empathizing and supporting us.

 Self-introduction

Ayumi Konno

Born in 1991

Born in Hitoyoshi City, Kumamoto Prefecture Up to 6 years old Shizuoka City, Shizuoka Prefecture 6 to 18 years old Raised in Omihachiman City, Shiga Prefecture

I have a childhood friend with the blood of Brazil and Japan, and I want to talk to people from various countries who have an interest in multiculturalism by studying abroad in China in the first year of high school and have an interest in multiculturalism.

Going to Toronto alone at the age of 19 to study the dream of wanting to be a used clothing store

Worked for a secondhand clothing wholesale company in Toronto, but after being shocked by a discriminator, he left the company.

After returning to Japan, I want to go to a place with nature

Worked at a hotel on Iriomote Island in Okinawa, or settled in the mountain of Hakuba in Nagano

Volunteer in 2012 to visit Miyagi prefecture and meet her current husband and marry in 2014

Worked at an apparel company since 2013 and experienced recruitment with a store manager and personnel department.

I was planning to return to work after giving birth and taking childcare leave in 2019,

Decided to retire in 2020 and set up my own store in May

We are struggling to communicate social and environmental issues through clothes and books so that we can become aware of them

[mxjxtsoy]

Hi again fam! Biv here brigning you another one of my horrible children: Min-jae Tsoy! Yurist for the Vasile, rolling in cash and let’s not forget a bad attitdue! (Honestly far worse than Dove, please love her and toss your drink at him, I give you permission). 

↳tw: murder reference

(Important bits bolded and italicized. ~)

( lee soo hyuk, 32, male, he/him ) Was that MIN-JAE TSOY ? I heard a rumor they work for the VASILE family, but who knows for sure ? They can be a bit APATHETIC & CALLOUS, but I also heard they can be ASTUTE & TRANSPARENT. You’ll usually find them at VASILE MEDIA in their spare time, when they’re not being a YURIST. You may want to keep an eye on that one ! ( biv, she/her, 23, est, n/a )

His past

Ok, right off the bat: This man was definitely not hugged enough as a child. One of those “brilliant kid but it was never enough” stereotypes.

The son of one of the head honchos of the oil industry in Russia and a prolific fashion and perfume designer with her stamp on Moscow, London, New York City, Paris, Tokyo, L.A. etc... Min always seemed to have his face plastered on the front of some magazine. Forbes, Business Reviews, Vogue... They’re that power family. You probably have heard of them if you keep up with that kind of stuff.

His parents were Korean immigrants first to Volgograd before moving to Moscow where Min and his sister were born after making their fortunes. 

It should come as no surprise that they lived lavishly.

He and his father never got along, they barely speak, really. When they do it’s about business. He speaks with his mother more but she isn’t exactly maternal.

He has one younger sister, who is undoubtedly the favorite. He’s gotten over this fact years ago and adores his sister more than anyone else on the planet. If his parents and his sister were hanging off of the side of a cliff he would save his sister without a second thought and feel no remorse.

He and his sister were mainly raised by nannies or shipped off to the best boarding schools money can buy.

There’s really not much to say about his childhood... Other than that he didn’t really have a normal one. If he had one at all.

Min was one of those prodigy children who graduated from secondary school at 16. By 25 he was a Moscow law school graduate. By 30 he could practice Illinoian, U.S. federal, English and, of course, Russian law.

His work

Neither of his parents are involved with crime and are... as “innocent” as any multi-million dollar business owner can be. Min-jae heard of the Vasile when he first went to law school. It was all very hush-hush, spoken in whispers through the woodwork which intrigued him. Basically, he saw an opportunity to be set for life and get out of Moscow and took it.

Really, the application is slightly incorrect as Min doesn’t ever stop being a yurist. He’s always working. Always.

Along with the Vasiles, he is both his parents’ lawyer and maybe does some dark P.R. for some (classified) big-ticket clients. Politicians mainly, some celebrities, but he’s not the one in the spotlight. Part of his job is keeping in the shadows, making sure people don’t know he’s there. 

His reputation is spotless, his parents and their family name is spotless, his clients can count on him to not only get them out of but coverup the worst offenses and he keeps it that way. 

While Min knows his way around a courtroom (and is damn good at what he does) when the situation arises and it’s necessary for him to... make a more lasting impact his methods aren’t always the most sound.

He’s killed before. To be affiliated with the Vasiles it’s pretty much expected (if not required) of you. And none of that shot in the leg shit either. No. If he’s going to shoot you he’s shooting straight between the eyes to kill you. Usually, this is all dependant on how quick to temper he is on any certain day. And Min-jae is a very patient man. You’d have to really get on his nerves, consistently, and for it to be a situation where Min knows he can get away without any consequence for Min to violently come for you. Again, he does not engage if he doesn’t intend to kill you. 

That said he really, really does not like getting his hands dirty. He tends to leave the bloody stuff to the professionals but knows his way around a pistol and carries one on him in case he’s in a pinch.

His father has no intention of stepping down from his position any time soon. In fact, Mr. Tsoy’s Sr. is planning on expanding his business endeavors. All this said, whenever his father is ready to retire Min-jae is expected to take his place. His father would really rather Min-jae be working directly for the family business right now instead of “parading” around in Chicago.

He’s been traveling since he was a child so the constant back and forth between and around the U.S. and Russia, the U.K. and back again is nothing new. He can be extremely difficult to track down in person because of this. You will literally need to be penciled into his schedule to speak with him. More often than not you’ll talk with his personal assistant.

His work comes before all.

Misc. Facts

Min-Jae wears a straight face and professional persona, with a gaze as sharp as his style of dress. Speaking of, as his mother is a fashion designer, he definitely doesn’t own a pair of sweatpants.

Prefers to judge quietly from behind a glass of Chateau Margaux before speaking.

His tolerance level for bull shit is nonexistent. 

His dry sense of humor relies almost entirely on irony. 

And his encyclopedic knowledge about anyone who’s anyone (and everyone in general) is filed away in the extensive filing system that is his mind. 

It’s a little frightening how charming and personable he can be when he needs to be. He’s excellent at telling people what they think they want to hear and luring them into a false sense of security (this is almost always in a courtroom or business setting, mind).

He owns koi fish and keeps a beautifully kept garden, mainly of red geraniums :)

He likes cats but doesn’t have one. Too much work. Growing up they did have birds and two purebred poodles, his parents’ favorite breed.

His father has a healthy gun collection and is a known hunter. It was one of the few activities he and his sister did with their father. So he’s comfortable around a variety of firearms.

Min-jae would make Jesus Christ wait for him outside of his office if he’s in the middle of something.

Connections

Of course, any of the Vasiles!

Any other lawyers in the house?

People in the fashion / oil / any other rich people industries.

Enemies (I am SURE he has many, he’s not exactly the easiest to get along with and is pretty cutthroat in his profession)

He’s pretty damn Aromantic (homoflexible) so romantic relationships are super doubtful but hey we can try

We could also try for friends/relationships where they don’t hate each other lol

His sister!

His personal assistant!

A client of his!

TL;DR Min-jae is a 32-year-old attorney for the Vasile as well as some political and celebrity clientele. His appointment book is always full and when you finally get in touch with him he’s actually the worst to talk to. Kind of dangerous. But also doesn’t like getting his Verrocchio Dress Shoes scuffed.