#but also. it makes me feel like i'm a bad teacher bc i can't control the kids

[corvid-language-library]

.

[leoneliterary]

Oh gods, I love and adore the new update! My new grey horse Dust (bc it will leave them in the dust, is grey and unassuming at first glance, but also pure diamond) is already a favorite, even if my MC is slightly afraid of horses and not very good at riding. Aretas offering PRIVATE RIDING LESSONS and MC making not even one dirty joke to Merikh about it shows how serious the tension is, though. The cliffhanger is just mean, bc we don't get to sass big bad brother back. Not even a "you smell better, don't worry about me leaving you for him, wow he looks like a paler imitation of you".... I just imagined letting Desma loose on miserable big bro Labadon, but somehow that feels like bullying. ... Is that on purpose? He feels so arrogant and desperate to put down the bastard child, that it feels a little pitiful and insecure instead of evil, though I of course dislike and disdain him a normal and healthy amount, for his crime of a personality. But back to the important bits, Aretas is being smooth right back and I wasn't sure he'd have it in him. But so worth it, bc I already got a shovel talk from his mom! (a pretty mild one for now, thanks Teacher Alim) Aretas looking pained at Daddy Labadon's grand speech about his father's supposed greatness and aspirations and unsubtle attempt at baiting his king was greatly appreciated and the option that simply says "Blame Merikh" when asked why we couldn't ride? It was so .. tempting, I don't know how anyone can choose another. It's just such an impulse control defying little red button that all imp MCs just HAVE to press. And the reaction did not disappoint in the slightest! I laughed so hard! And then it got better, bc Merikh is just as clueless as you and my MC is learning that omg, he's actually just a grumpy little good boy. You just gotta adopt him. Sorry Sutek, sullen grumpy warrior slots are filling up really fast... I also loved cheering for Sefu and Sefu being so friggin POLITE and well behaved. I love when they show that they can be mature and competent at the same time as being total loving idiots. Desma feeling insecure was really hurting my kokoro, but then it got funny again when she asked "but are they REALLY brothers, how can we ever know?" Never change, best sister girl, my MC will steal horses with you and bury bodies. Their own horse, but probably other people's bodies. I do feel a tiny bit worried about Tamu being alone and trying to find the guild traitor preparing a take over without backup, though. Please let him be ok or at least let Gally have his back a little! This whole update had so much comedy potential with the right choices, it was a delight to read and totally worth staying up till after midnight! I love your writing style, it really hits me in all the best feels! Thank you for persevering, even through difficulties and I will honestly forever love your story! May all the cake, coffee and cookies be with you! As well as muses, time and motivation! I would offer a shoulder massage, but I can't reach through my screen anymore! All my love and adoration!

I always love your in-depth reviews, charcoal!! And thank you for such high praise!

Yeah, Merikh's big brother isn't the most well-adjusted, but whether he's just a pathetic weasel or a real threat, you can be the judge.

I wonder how many of y'all picked the 'blame Merikh' button. I had to give y'all the chance for some petty revenge, lol!

Judging by my asks, most of you chose the grey horse that you got to name.

Sefu really was on his best behavior, but good catch about Tamu. Wonder what he's up to while you're away. Desma is going through it, but she's being so mature and putting it aside to come on this hunting trip...

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it and had a laugh or two at some of the choices!

[epitome-of-an-openbook]

op I read your steddie fic where post and specifically the part abt Steve being intelligent got my attention bc (and also youre so right abt the whole thing)

-what about the fics where Steve is visibly (?? idk englishs not my thing) autistic? Cause if you're neurodivergent and can actually follow his thought process along he's super smart (unconventionally smart my beloved) but for neurotypicals I'm told it makes him sound some variation of stupid/oblivious/dumb (when he's def not haha)

-what are your opinions about the fics where Steve is _pretending_ to be stupid? Like, plays into the jock bit, and makes people think he's slow to use it to his advantage? not necessarily in a "bad person" way (and especially if you can tell he's smart from the outside/his own pov)? >>>esp if he doesn't even realize he's doing it?

-how about Steve's concussions/neurodivergency affecting the more "conventionally smart" aspects of his brain? like, his memory is shit and he can't spell properly or he can't do complex math, but he knows everyone's expressions and holds a scary amount of talent in physical activities he's never done before type thing (insp after me who got complimented by the "hardass" coach after trying boxing simply because I watch and calculate and how that's easy for me to switch into my own movements)

-opinions on Steve "looking dumb" because he's simply...not American? Like, his English is plenty good but that's because he's been copying speech patterns for so long now, and the Harringtons are tied to some p important Italian families so he almost never speaks English there either, and I personally like the fics where he's frustrated simply because he can't understand (like the story about the Korean immigrant and the lovely teacher) and also the scene in modern family where Gloria says "I know what I meant to mean! do you know how smart I am in my own language?"

-thoughts on someone lifting their head up from nerd shit and realizing Steve's been making like many smart remarks that nobody listens to cause he doesn't know nerd lingo?

(also unrelated but trans!Steve MTF _or_ FTM is so important to me <3)

I've a whole "trope theory" about different types of intelligence groups tend to have, and simply put it goes

book smarts, street (survival) smarts, emotional smarts, social smarts

and how those mix and match to show through in characters that are disregarded as stupid and I personally believe Steve is very Socially _and_ emotionally smart but because he's arguably in line to be the most toxic masculine people by reputation (not personality but the past -both his and his dads- linger) people don't notice it.

I'd love to chat more both abt my theory and Steve in general <3

Hi anon, of course I want to talk about Steve's intelligence - because I am so so so tired of him being written off as the fool, and I am especially tired of people pretending like he is not the most emotionally intelligent person in the show other than potentially Will or Joyce. Also in advance, I totally go on a BUNCH of tirades and rants so I'm sorry if you lose the thread at all, I just have a lot of thoughts and they all FEEL important to me. So yeah, this is a long one.

-what about the fics where Steve is visibly (?? idk englishs not my thing) autistic? Cause if you're neurodivergent and can actually follow his thought process along he's super smart?

I haven't read many fics where Neurodivergent! Steve's divergence is specifically autism and personally I feel that other divergences fit him better such as OCD (see - his need to keep things tidy, instances of reduced impulse control, repetitive/ritualistic behaviors, hypervigilance, and agitation), ADHD (see - his need to be moving lots of pacing and bouncing, difficulty concentrating on the group discussions, impulsivity), Dyslexia/Dyscalculia (personal/popular headcanon), or something that would affect his audio processing (personal/unpopular headcanon; see- being unable to get past the music on the recording, difficulty following along with the group discussions, immediately losing track of the group in the Upside Down Wheeler's house when he thinks he hears Dustin)- but I definitely read him as someone whose brain works in a way that is non-typical which is something we ABSOLUTELY see in season 3 where he focuses in on the music and it seems like he literally can't focus on the Russian words until he knows what the music is.

But what it comes down to is that so many people read the fact that he didn't get into college (which is more indicative of a lack of testing skills than it is for actual intelligence) and his inability to follow along with group discussions about Upside Down stuff (which could point to issues with concentration or audio processing or just a lack of knowledge regarding the lingo being used) as a way to characterize him entirely as an idiot/fool. This of course isn't helped by the Duffers refusing to deepen his character beyond "he was bad but now he's good because now he's interacting with intelligent™ people". So to answer this question, I'm all for fics that explore Steve's intellect through a lens of "no he's not dumb, he just processes information in an atypical way".

-what are your opinions about the fics where Steve is _pretending_ to be stupid? Like, plays into the jock bit, and makes people think he's slow to use it to his advantage? not necessarily in a "bad person" way (and especially if you can tell he's smart from the outside/his own pov)?

I'm not 100% sure I'm interpreting this question correctly but I have some issues with fics where the character of interest is 'pretending' to be stupid so it entirely depends on what the motivation behind doing so is.

If the motivation is "I play dumb so that I can fit in better and not be bullied for being smart" I don't like it that much - I feel like in a lot of media, and American media especially, there is this perpetuation of Smart=Unpopular/Bullied/Unathletic and Dumb=Popular/Bully/Athletic and I don't like that because in my lived experience that really isn't the case - I have friends that were the Valedictorian's of their high schools by gpa that were also class president and soccer captian and genuinely good people and some of the meanest people I have ever met were stereotypical™ nerds. So if the motivation is that he pretends to be dumb specifically to fit in and not get bullied I don't really like it. HOWEVER, if the motivation is "I downplay my intelligence so that people underestimate me" that's different and I can get behind it to a degree - no one is perfect and Steve was not the best person at first so him having a little manipulation bit like this would make sense.

Also this leads into another thing I feel we don't talk about enough - Steve is a jock with a head for STRATEGY and you cannot tell me otherwise. The ability to strategize is something we like to take away from jocks all across media, but as a former athlete myself I can tell you that a LOT of thought goes into athletic strategy and it translates well to other aspects of life. We also see Steve make quick strategic decisions A LOT but we never mention them - some examples include when he leads the scoops troop through the crowded russian base w/o getting caught - some of this is simply poor writing/tracking and i will admit that but if we suspend our disbelief for a second it's Steve that looks at the set up takes in the information and says "Follow me, stay low and be quick" as they navigate that scene, we also see it in season two when him and Dustin get to the junkyard and he says "oh yeah this will do nicely" and then he proceeds to set the stage for catching Dart with a clearing to trap him, a reinforced fort for protection and surveillance and honestly the only reason this goes wrong is because there was more than one demodog. So yeah being good with strategy lends itself well to Steve using his intelligence as a manipulation for others to underestimate him. I personally would love for there to be a fic where one of the kids challenges Steve to a strategy game like chess or risk or something like that and for him to DECIMATE them because strategy is the thing he's good at.

-how about Steve's concussions/neurodivergency affecting the more "conventionally smart" aspects of his brain? like, his memory is shit and he can't spell properly or he can't do complex math, but he knows everyone's expressions and holds a scary amount of talent in physical activities he's never done before type thing

For one I would like to quickly put out there that Steve almost definitely got a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) from the Russian Torture - and probably PCS (Post Concussion Syndrome) from the fight with Billy (I would also like to quickly mention that these are different things with different causes and potential future outcomes/side effects, I feel like they get confused a lot in this fandom which is totally fine but just a reminder that a concussion comes specifically from your brain impacting your skull and how he receives his head injuries from Jonathan and the Russians would indicate to me that he probably didn't have a concussion those times but when he crashes the car in season three he could have easily gotten a whiplash concussion which is something we don't talk about but does actually happen a lot and it's less likely to get treated because people don't realize you can get a concussion w/o hitting your head. Also I am so sorry about this head trauma info dump, it's just a subject I have lots of experience with/knowledge about).

ANYWAY, yeah TBIs and PCS can really mess with your head and are often the cause of things like memory loss - as well as vision and hearing impairment. Also TBIs have been studied a lot in American Football players and sometimes they can even cause shifts in personality. (Also @peter-pantomime has some really good discussions and headcanons regarding Steve's head traumas so I highly suggest their content both here and on tiktok.)

And yes, Steve consistently proves to be extremely socially intelligent. You do not get to the top of the high school food chain by simply being attractive or athletic, you have to be capable of understanding and manipulating certain social interactions - walking into a room and knowing who to talk to and who to avoid, popularity is often just a matter of networking and part of the reason Steve loses his popularity is because he abandons the network he built himself up through and switches it out for a group of people much lower on the social ladder. We also can tell he's incredibly emotionally intelligent through his interactions with others - scenes that really show this are Steve cleaning up the theater sign and going to apologize to Jonathan (some might say this is just emotional maturity but i would like to point out that he was emotionally intelligent enough to realize that it was Jonathan that deserved the apology instead of just Nancy) (s1), when Will comes home and we see him empathize with the worry of Joyce & Jonathan (s2), when he can seemingly tell that something happened between Nancy and Jonathan but instead of lashing out he supports her (also s2), when Robin comes out to him and also technically rejects him but he just treats her like normal (s3), like… every scene with him and Max in S4, and also when he tells Eddie that he needs to stop being so hard on himself when he keeps talking about how much of a coward he is (also S4).

-opinions on Steve "looking dumb" because he's simply...not American? Like, his English is plenty good but that's because he's been copying speech patterns for so long now, and the Harringtons are tied to some p important Italian families so he almost never speaks English there either, and I personally like the fics where he's frustrated simply because he can't understand (like the story about the Korean immigrant and the lovely teacher) and also the scene in modern family where Gloria says "I know what I meant to mean! do you know how smart I am in my own language?"

I have never seen this done before, but I absolutely adore this concept, if you (or anyone else) has some fic recs with this trope 👀👀👀 please share.

-thoughts on someone lifting their head up from nerd shit and realizing Steve's been making like many smart remarks that nobody listens to cause he doesn't know nerd lingo?

Yes do it, caveat: I think it needs to be Robin, Eddie, or Will - I think everyone else is a little too in their own way of realizing Steve has consistently made good points.

For Robin, as a Queer Platonic Stobin truther, I feel like if anyone were to really get into Steve's brain it would be her.

For Eddie, I feel it comes from that same vein that we see people pointing out that Eddie is the only person who directly answer Steve's questions, so it would make sense for him to be the one to say "wait hey - Steve is actually asking incredibly relevant questions that lead to a point he wants to make."

For Will, I simply think that he's the most emotionally intelligent member of the original Party and also the one with the fewest interactions with Steve so if he were to be with Steve in a time of crisis he wouldn't ignore Steve's thoughts the way that sometimes happens and notice something about how he processes information or something and be like "why did you guys all tell me he was dumb, he's making extremely relevant points right now?"

(also unrelated but trans!Steve MTF _or_ FTM is so important to me <3)

<3 Trans!Steve 🤝 GenderFluid!Steve solidarity

I love fics where Steve explores gender identity or at least his relationship with gender presentation, I'm partial to GenderFluid!Steve but regardless I love this.

[larytello]

I don't see enough people (none at all) talking about these specific "the challenge of sleeping when it's way too hot" issues: People with sensory issues and people with physical "I have no control over it" issues.

Let me explain bc this is what's happening to me these last nights and it's making me exhausted all day long simply because I seem to NOT HAVE A SINGLE GOOD NIGHT OF SLEEP as of lately with all this heat. Under "keep reading" because it got a little longer than I expected.

1- I'm not sure if this should be counted as a sensory issue bc neurotypicals around me often invalidate it, but I don't sleep well if I'm not covered. Like, I don't feel safe, my brain just absolutely REFUSES to relax to allow me to rest. I need a cover, a blanket, no matter if it's big/heavy/fluffy or just the thinnest bedsheet ever - I just need something OVER me in order to feel ok enough to sleep comfortably. And this is a big issue™ when it's way too fucking hot at night and you can't cover yourself without melting in a sweat puddle sticking to your bed in a matter of a few minutes.

"Well, if it's so hot, you can turn on the fan or an AC if you got one!" Aaaaaand that's where we get into issue #2

2- Everytime I fall asleep, since forever, both my eyes and my mouth hang open. Really. My eyes stay half open when I sleep and I spend ALL FUCKING NIGHT not blinking as much as I should - they shouldn't even stay open when I sleep at all so there's that too. It's a wonder how I still don't need glasses and my sight is still somewhat perfect tbh. And of course there's nothing I can do about it. I'm asleep for fucks sake.

But then again, what happens when you have a fan or an AC on you while you sleep with eyes and mouth hanging open and you can't consciously keep them fucking shut as they should? They DRY. THEY FUCKING DRY. I wake up with eyes and throat stinging, dry saliva on the corners of my lips actively hurting them because when I move my lips upon waking up, they crack the skin and it HURTS as a bitch. I need to blink for several minutes, sometimes use eyedrops to help with my eyes, they hurt a lot too. And I hate the sensation of those eyedrops. They "taste" bad in my eyes.

So literally, during tropical summer plus global warming and the weather going crazier EVERY PASSING YEAR, every night is a not funny game of choosing if I keep the fan on and sleep with a cover (which makes me still feel like I'm melting even with the fan on me 🥵), or do I sleep without a cover for the temperature to be tolerable but then my body refuses to relax and I can't sleep well one way or another???? Btw I'm poor, my house doesn't have an AC, but I tried to sleep with an AC at my aunt's several times and I couldn't fucking SPEAK the next day. Which is a damn problem when you're a teacher.

And people wonder why I'm exhausted all day long lately. No wonder, I can't sleep well. Even if the fan is not directed to my head, the wind still goes around in the room and the slightest breeze is enough to dry my eyes when I'm not blinking them BECAUSE I AM ASLEEP.

Not to mention I'm currently STILL the sole provider of income to this house of three since 2019 by selling commissions (and I'm a slow artist at that) and only this year I got a "job" as an English teacher but I'm not paid not even a minimum wage because it's not an "official" job, it's more like internship and I get paid a certain amount for each class I teach in the period. It's nowhere near enough to cover the house bills, food and cleaning supplies (and medicine), I'm now panicking thinking about how Summer didn't even REALLY start yet here in Brazil but I'm already dreading the energy bills to come these next months as we're keeping two fans on in the house at almost all times. Also I don't get paid by the end of December and January because there's no classes to teach in this period. And still gotta wait to finally get paid by the end of February after teaching all month long. Three months without money while the Summer fries us and the bills will skyrocket.

Thank you big corporates who didn't give a fucking shit about global warming warnings in the previous decades, thank you global leaderships who keep doing those beautiful meetings with heartfelt speeches about how we need plans and action to slow down and/or cease the impeding doom but never did anything for real. It's always all words and no action. Guess you never thought you'd live to see the consequences of your lack of actions, huh? There's been a SANDSTORM in the Amazon Rainforest and the rivers are drying out killing animals AND PEOPLE and there hasn't been any rain in the RAINFOREST for over a month. The North and Northeast of South America are dying so hot it's been and it just keeps getting hotter. Two days straight Brasil beats its own record of energy consumption. Congratulations, really, you done fantastically fucked up I can't even think of words to describe it.

I've been awake for two hours and half and my eyes are still stinging.

[seelestia]

Congratulations for the RESULTS YEAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! YOU DID ITTT!!!! GOOD LUCK FOR THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR LIFE!!

Since I'll be taking it(spm) this year with so little amount of time for preparation, I don't know anymore, especially a lot of things in life have been.. hueh.. I don't know if I'm ready for it, my first exam results for this year, yes good, but I am still not sure of everything, myself mainly.

Sorry for rambling, huwa, I'm so nervous it makes me want to escape school but in order to do that I need to go through that big thing first..! And I'm really sorry, but do you have any study tips? Preparation tips or any other tips for spm? I'd really appreciate them!

(and it's so nice I can have someone to talk about this, thank youuuu!!)

(oh and sorry if I talk too much about it, maybe I'm bringing some bad memories, I'm sorry)

THANK U !!! graduating from highschool has been the biggest relief i've ever felt... i still have more in store for me in the future but at least, that's one gone :') can't wait for u to get thru it too! just hold on a little longer T_T

also, it's ok to worry abt the future! i do that too and it's inevitable - but make sure it doesn't prevent u from staying stagnant in the present. ur future is a result of ur present and luckily, we are all in control of our present so u still have time. make the most of it, i believe in u! 🤍

this feels a little funny to write, but i do have tips! here are some of em:

identify, maintain & improve. in order to get a good grip over all ur subjects, u need to identify which subjects u do well / excel at and which ones u struggle with. evidently, u'll have to direct more efforts towards the latter - but make sure to keep maintaining subjects u do good/average at! as an example, i struggled with math so i focused more on doing more math exercises (which thank god, paid off 😵‍💫).

write ur own notes and by that, i mean: write notes in ur own way! there is no 'correct' way to make notes imo. don't pressure urself to make ur notes look 'pretty' or 'aesthetic' (but ofc if u want to or it makes writing notes fun for u, go ahead!). after all, we make notes to help us understand and simplify complicated stuff (it's giving catabolism /j) !! extra tip: i always add commentary to my notes so i laugh & rmbr them better. e.g. i was making notes abt the types of white blood cells once and i scribbled “we owe it all to u queens" LOL.

use ur free time well. if ur someone who already has a set schedule, all the better! but if ur like me and prefer a more 'free' style, i suggest allocate a tiny bit of ur free time like 15-30 minutes a day to do exercises for one subject. just a little smth to keep ur brain gears turning amidst it all!

ur efforts have to be more than ur teachers. if u really want to excel, u have to do beyond what ur teachers give bcs they only provide u the tools to success. if u want to get there, then u gotta pave the way urself! to put it practically, u can finish the hw ur teacher gave u and do more exercises after that to help sharpen ur understanding more. so, it's kinda like voluntarily giving urself more hw! i'd tie this to the point above bcs that one technically counts as giving urself hw but in a chill way ^^^

lastly, this is less general and more applicable to just spm (i think? i've yet to do my research on education systems in other countries) so i'll use some native language here - tgk soalan exam tahun yg lepas² !!! so u'll familiarize urself with how those yg menggubal soalan make the real deal. doing trial papers & more is the way to go ><

[lady-of-the-spirit]

For the character thing, Sersi? And Anakin too if I may ask multiple? :P

of course i'm gonna do both my blorbos!!

Sersi

How I feel about this character: BEST CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE. she's chronically late, she talks to statues, she's a bad liar, she's a collector, she's horribly insecure and is such a sweetheart and is the heart of the whole movie 💚

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Ikaris (I love tragedy 😔), Dane bc she deserves a nice normal guy and he clearly loves her!! (or at least they think he's normal-), Thena and Gilgamesh in an ot3 because I thought of it ONCE and couldn't let it go

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I mean I could say all of the Eternals because I love their relationships but I'll be specific. Phastos! They are besties to me, I cannot be convinced otherwise. Also Druig. I'm pretty neutral on Druig but I love his relationship with Sersi, he clearly respects her and listens to her!!

My unpopular opinion about this character: I mean just the fact that she's my fave is kinda unpopular already. people don't really care about her :(

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she could have had a more solid leadership arc. Like she's clearly afraid to take control, everyone makes jokes about Ikaris not being the leader which probably isn't good for her self esteem (Sprite outright says she doesn't care about Ajak choosing Sersi instead), and in the end none of that is really resolved. I wish her internal arc had been fleshed out some more and gotten a more satisfying ending of everyone looking to her as leader (this is why it should have been a show and not a movie!!!)

Anakin

How I feel about this character: honestly my favourite character potentially from the whole star wars series, DEFINITELY from the prequels. I love a tragedy and Anakin Skywalker is the definition of tragedy.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Padme, obviously. I've read some Rex/Anakin fics too but tbh I never watched the clone wars so I can't say I actually ship it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Obi Wan is his tragic brother/father figure and I love it. Also, again from someone who hasn't watched the clone wars but read fics, Ahsoka and also his clone trooper squad.

My unpopular opinion about this character: This is more an unpopular opinion about the fandom I guess but. Anakin was not misunderstanding the Jedi teachings when he talked about love. Love is forbidden for Jedi, that's literally the whole point of the story? It's not just attachment or obsessive love, it's all love. Why would Anakin have completely misunderstood the jedi teachings. If that were true that would say more about the jedi as teachers than Anakin, I think.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I mean if I said what I wanted to happen to him, the rest of the series probably wouldn't even exist in the first place? But damn I wish someone in the jedi had been like Why the fuck does Palpatine want to spend so much time with our new 9 year old recruit and cut that shit out.

Or just. Him being a slave for his entire childhood being acknowledged at all after Phantom Menace because damn they did not acknowledge any of that shit at all.

give me a character and I'll break their ass down

[bronzetomatoes]

ONE, TEN AND TWENTY ONE OF BNHA I'm actually super interested to see what u think of this

ONE - the character everyone gets wrong - ohhh buddy. So like. A lot of them, but honestly it's kinda crazy cause he's the MC but I think a lot of ppl are just allergic to Deku's canon personality. Thinking about the sassy/snarky/bamf/whatever-the-fuck Midoriya Izuku tags like can we be so fr for a second. This is the guy who almost lost his internship due to being so chronically unfunny that his boss hated him (theres nuance but it's whatevs). Also the crazy Analyst Deku takes abt him like those super popular fics where he's this hyperintelligent teenager n all that like he's smart for sure and he's got an eye for quirks but that's just the autism talking, yknow? Also a lot of mischaracterization happens where Bakugou is involved bc ppl can't see it any other way than Deku being The Victim and Bakugou being The Monster. Like sorry they didn't expel Kacchan in season 1 like you wanted them to sorry you hate interesting dynamics and character growth and messy relationships. Like ⅓ of the top 20 fics on ao3 are BNHA and I wouldn't touch any of them w a ten foot poll

TEN - worst part of fanon - uhm well I think I did go over that pretty well but a different part is that a lot of Hawks/LOV takes annoy me. I was a Hawks joins the LOV truther but I didn't think it was bc it'd somehow be better for him it was cause I wanted them to make him 100 times worse!! I'd've loved to see my babygirl spiral in a desperate attempt for control and revenge and freedom and I wanted it to end horribly for him bc sometimes you just wanna see chars put through salad spinners. But the fanon thing is often them being his super supportive found family who all stop killing people bc it made him feel bad and then they lived happily ever after lol

TWENTY-ONE - part of canon you think is overhyped - dadzawa. In that it's barely canon at all HASHTAG DADMIGHT 5EVER but no it's something that's like great in its canon basis but gets exaggerated into something that well. I don't like as much! Bc I can relate to the protective teacher that loves his students intensely but keeps a professional boundary, I have a teacher just like that and we love her to pieces, but that mf is not a father to them 💀

[shinjiist]

I love when I see soul eater AUs so much ahhhh the fact it’s not more common as an AU type is so baffling to me like soul resonance??? The bond between weapon and Miester? AHHH the dynamics! The way expectations can be subverted so perfectly- I love it

Do you have more Trigun soul eater AU ideas for like weapon and Miester pairs?

omg no bc literally like theres so much potential in sm areas w an au like this i couldn't help myself

right now I'm still straightening ideas out in my brain and I don't want things to get Too convoluted but I have a few ideas I can share rn

to answer ur question before i go on a tangent, obv vashwood are paired together though not at first (possibly considering at first vash is paired with livio ?). i think i want vash to be a meister because this presents a few opportunities for parallels between canon and the au w/ there being at least one incident beyond his control but because he's the meister he feels he holds some level of responsibility

maybe while he and livio are acquiring their witch soul something happens (maybe w/ livio's eye i truly have no idea) but they do manage to get it and vash is paired w/ wolfwood afterwards (kinda want him to be in the NOT class when he 1st enrolls if not for grades for the idea of making space so livio could get in idk how the system works ngl)(or mayb he and livio don't get it and livio decides not to be in the EAT class idk i'm not killing him off though idc idc)

other pairings i'm really not as sure about (i'm not well versed in trigunism it's just my current hyfix and i'm literally going to start trimax after this bc i oeuwgwh anyway) like i think meryl and milly would be really good w/ my limited understanding of milly's personality. i also don't want to overload this w dead-ended info and sound like that one twitter post (why's hoseok the bus driver....) but um alberto is a teacher at the DWMA during like the 2nd of 3rd yr of Vash + Nai's enrollment (i have a timeline for the lore bc they're like grown by the time canon rolls around . sorry to infodump over a single question genuinely but i can't talk abt this on twitter bc it's SCARY over there .. i'm catfishing as someone cool -guy who's failing)

also because i think vash wielding the punisher is cool as fuck cough (feat. wip i will never finish bc idfk how to draw him)

anyway though, vash as a meister also appeals to me because with nai as a weapon it quickly raises the question— why wouldn't they have just been paired together to begin with? i think that nai doesn't even test into the EAT class when they're first enrolled. maybe it's a fluke where he just needs a single point, maybe he completely bombs it, maybe it's just nerves, either way he doesn't get in and this is where he and vash find out they are not compatible as weapon and meister as much as they care about eachother

i also think that this would seed some doubt in nai's mind about how he perceives others vs how he is perceived, esp w/ a certain INCIDENT before they're enrolled in the DWMA and ohhhh i have so much i could say abt this (i accidentally centered what i wrote abt this au so far Largely abt his POV because he's always running around my skull like a hamster to a wheel he's like almond butter to me . anyway)

a little bit late but i had to sit down and dedicate myself to this post bc it needed my utmost attention but more ppl should ask me questions abt this pretty please i love talking So Bad

[panther-os]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. I did a squee reading it would love to hear your plans and thoughts for the Uncomfortable-verse. Especially what changes this butterfly would make or what happens on the Agen-Tan-Padme guardian road-trip!

aaaaaaaah i'm vibrating i'm so glad you sent this ask! okay this is probably gonna be less coherent than my ao3 replies bc i have had. So Much Caffeine alsdjkflskdfjsd

under the cut because it got Long

(with a few minor clarifying edits now that I'm awake)

okay so like first of all the most important changes for me are what happens with anakin and shmi? i'm kind of thinking of sandwiching imi-verse in here where anakin's half-tusken and has a twin sister who was raised by their dad. also his sister and dad rescued his mom from the tusken marauders who grabbed her from the lars homestead and his dad was among the tuskens he killed after getting his mom down from the frame that was keeping her from dying.

so like shmi gets rescued and also gets away from cliegg (buying someone to free and marry them? hmmmm sounds sus to me) and reunited with her long lost daughter.

at the temple, anakin's conduct is reviewed and palpatine's all "clearly they hate you" but then the jedi find out anakin's been ducking his therapy appointments for years and hacking the system and mind-suggesting his therapist to keep obi-wan and the council from finding out. BIG HEKKIN RED FLAG. they keep Anakin at the temple for mandatory emergency therapy and send Obi-Wan and Aayla to Kamino while Quinlan keeps an eye on Anakin.

swapping padawans is just something that happens with jedi? like it's easier when obi-wan has someone to fuss over and knows someone he absolutely trusts is watching anakin. also just like??? accountability type things. you're not spending all your time with one master who might be Up To Bad Shit (qui gon) but you still have routine.

ANYWAYS obi gets a bad feeling in orbit above kamino and talks to aayla like "hey maybe you can do some of that spy stuff your master does" and then he goes in like he do like "oh that order of millions of identical human men". aayla runs into a very helpful clone trooper the same developmental age as her who doesn't know she's a jedi knight just that she works for them and has the fake identity credentials to back it up. it's bly, she runs into bly, who takes her on a paralell tour to the one the kaminoans are taking obi-wan on and she does her spy shit and scans the clone fetuses and finds!!! the chips! dun dun dun! but she can't find a lot except for that they exist and they're in a Not Good part of the brain.

obi-wan meets jango and shit goes down like normal except after he puts a tracking device on slave i aayla and bly come running out onto the platform like "uhhhh we have a Hekkin Problem" while obi's all like "no shit we do". obi goes to geonosis while aayla stays to figure out the chips and get things ready for yoda.

meanwhile! you asked about tan and agen and padme! they're doing just fine. there is no creepy looks or sly conversation about compassion and love or bad flirting about sand. padme and tan get along really super well and padme passes the time teaching him about makeup and hair and nubian fashion. sometimes she has jedi culture/philosophy questions and agen answers those a) not in a crowded food court when they're supposed to be undercover and b) like a teacher not like someone trying to impress and seduce her. when they get to naboo, agen isn't controlling about her security either. he defers to her and the systems she and the queen already have set up just like he did when establishing their undercover stories. he's there to help, not to take over.

they go to the lake country, they go on a picnic, agen teaches tan how to assess and repair shield generators and stuff, padme becomes agen's little sister and tan's big sister for pretty much real. they don't go to tatooine or to geonosis. a squad of clones DOES come to naboo to help agen and tan and they eventually name themselves Padma Squad after the same flower padme is named after.

obi wan sends his message to aayla to relay his distress call to the council since she's still his mission partner. bc padme would absolutely want to still be on geonosis if she knew it was happening even if anakin wasn't there and they weren't on tatooine. aayla sends the call to coruscant and yoda tells her he'll meet her on kamino to pick up the order of millions of identical human men just in case and would she please get them ready to go?

quinlan gets anakin's butt in gear to go save obi-wan and it's four jedi against dooku instead of one. anakin still kills dooku, but right then and after he's surrendered. this is important. all the other three jedi go "hey dude WHAT THE FUCK" and Anakin doesn't take that well and attacks them. this is the fight in which anakin loses his arm. it's quin who does it because anakin was about to use that arm to kill or seriously injure obi-wan. anakin is taken into custody, given medical care, and imprisoned in the temple's special cells.

palpatine bullies his way in to see him and he's all "i told you they would turn against you, they've always been jealous of and feared your power, i can free you and help you get revenge" and anakin is a sucker so he agrees. the grand inquisitor is still a temple guard and breaks anakin out and anakin goes on a jedi killing spree. palpatine keeps order 66 in his back pocket because he still wants to whittle down the order by the war and he still needs the everything else in place to take over the galaxy. this is important.

anakin is killed in the creche and the entire area has to be cleansed before the babies will stop crying. obi-wan leaves the order in his grief. padme offers him a quiet place to retire on naboo since he saved them from a sith ten years ago. she grieves the little boy she met on tatooine and what he could've become. she's the one who tracks down shmi to let her know. shmi grieves her son and clings to her daughter and partner.

the jedi and the clones go to war.

sidious gets a new apprentice, who i couldn't say yet. maybe he pulls komari vosa out of the ether? the 212th and 501st go under different jedi idk which ones yet. could be agen and quin, but also they're in the positions they are in canon (council investigator and undercover shadow, respectively) for good reasons, so most likely not. the 212th and 501st still get well known because cody and rex are exceptionally good at what they do. ahsoka is taken as quin's second padawan - aayla's little padawan-sister - and they most likely stay shadows but liaise often enough with the 501st that she still becomes their vod'ika. the clones grow as individuals and as a culture. when grievous is captured on naboo, he stays captured until palpatine finagles a daring escape with lots of collateral damage.

echo is blown up and captured at the citadel. umbara happens because the 501st is at the center of the action and krell is good at mindtricks and desperate to impress the sith. ahsoka and barriss aren't targeted for saboteur and framee because ahsoka isn't supporting the apprentice sidious wants. fives finds out about the chips. fives' general believes him about the chancellor and stops fox' blaster bolt in the air long enough for rex to stun fives (he's acting hella dangerous to himself and others) so they can smuggle him to kix.

palpatine finds out and triggers order 66 early.

there are more jedi. they were prepared after aayla and bly's discovery. didn't want to do risky brain surgery to get the chips out, couldn't find out what they were for, but knew it couldn't be anything good and they had to be prepared for the worst. almost all of them escape. clones aren't able to get inside the temple and clones already inside are quickly and non-lethally subdued. ahsoka is with rex and gets the chip out of his head in the middle of all the chaos. through usual fix-it shenanigans, something happens to rescind order 66 and something else happens to kill palpatine.

giddean danu becomes chancellor because i've always liked his design and i want a named, canon option that isn't bail, mon, or padme and feels like an actual good candidate vibes-wise. yarua also works, can you imagine being a separatist leader trying to fuck with a wookiee in negotiations? actually yeah that's funnier, danu can be vice-chancellor. mon runs but doesn't win, bail likes being a senator and doesn't want to be a chancellor, padme retires because canonically nubian senators are expected to have their people as their only family and - also canonically - she really wants a spouse and kids. also she fell for one of the coruscant guard (commander? hound? oc? who knows? but probably thorn, stone, or both (hmmmm jarjar/julia/stone and thorn/padme double dates there's a thought)) and doesn't want to ask them out as anything other than a fellow citizen.

echo is rescued by the bad batch and he and fives join them for a few last missions and then post-war shenanigans. after the war is officially over and the gar is officially disbanded and the clones are all officially citizens with military pensions and backpay, cody and rex join them. at some point, they run into boba who went back to kamino for some of jango's things and found an unaltered little sister and stole her. hunter immediately adopts them both.

and that is a lot more than i thought had for this au! ^_^ thank you for asking!!!! some of it was surprising to me, actually, esp the part about anakin still falling, but it feels True and Right and i'm definitely planning to keep it.

thank you again!! and thank you for the nice reviews you keep leaving me they're always a high point in my day ^_^

[crashpit]

This is a post that is just about my experience with a bully throughout a large chunk of my childhood. It's kinda long and that's why I'm gonna put it as a readmore thing

Having to constantly tell myself "I am not a fake fan, there's no such thing as a fake fan"

Everytime I get into a piece of media due to like... First of all trauma of being called a fake fan of wizard101 in like 4th grade.

Same person who said that eventually went as far as to say I was a fake gamer too.

Actually I was very intensely bullied by this person and it got worse and worse every year to the point where in 6th grade I was scared to go to school bc every day she tormented me in very sadistic ways.

In retrospect it isn't really something I can hold against her bc she was a child and learning these things from her parents at home who were abusive in their own right.

Still, I am left with all of the fears and insecurities she pushed into my head. Probably bc I was so young it definitely like... Changed my way of thinking and my behavior and outlook on the world I mean. For a long time she was like.. the person I was around the most.

So there are things that I will always feel bad about that are sort of hard for me to even control due to being autistic.

She made fun of me for very simple things.

"Your handwriting is bad. Your S's look like 5's? Why do you do that????"

"You're only on page 20 of that book??? Wow, you read SLOW!!" (This one she wouldn't stop explaining to me just how SLOW I was reading compared to her, who can finish a book in one day apparently. In 5th grade)

And then "why are you crying??? You're such a baby I'm so tired of you." Kinda shit after dealing with the torment.

"your nails are sooo dirty why are your nails dirty." Pulls some random kid over "look at my friend over here who's nails are so dirty isn't that so gross???"

Then there was the destruction of my personal property. Yes. I'm. Serious.

She would go into my desk in our 5th grade class. We were in the same class. If I wasn't looking she'd sneak into my desk and destroy all of my pencils and erasers... Or whatever she could find basically that she could destroy without getting caught.

I was terrified of going to the bathroom because if I did she would find a way to destroy my stuff.

In retrospect it makes me wonder why the teacher did nothing or if I just was scared to say anything.

6th grade it was just daily torment of stealing my lunch, chewing it and spitting it out in front of me. Grossing me out while also destroying my lunch.

Finally that summer of 6th grade she moved. I was free at last.

But like...

I am still thinking to myself "wow I'm such a fake fan of star trek" 💀💀💀

I mean maybe I am slow to watching stuff and I need a lot of space to absorb the media I've consumed... I just do things at my own pace. I can't really beat myself up over like... Stupid shit. Because in all seriousness... Being a fan of anything and consuming media is supposed to be fun. You're supposed to just... Have fun with things and that's probably my meaning in life is to let go of all insecurities and just.. have fun as much as possible.

And laughter. Laughter is my favorite.

[airenyah]

@gillianthecat thanks for your tag! i haven't watched this show that you're talking about here, so i can't really say anything specific on these actors themselves

re: your question on disentangling face and acting [spoilers ahead for "bad buddy" and "theory of love" if anyone reading this cares]

disclaimer: this is not proof-read

this is possible, actually! there's a bunch of actors whose faces i like but i still have some negative criticism on their acting. however, in order to do so you need a trained eye and some first-hand acting experience also helps. although i would say your eye is more important here, bc i don't think an actor who never learned how to look and analyze would have that much helpful feedback to give either. personally i was just lucky that i had two teachers at drama school who would make a point of us students analyzing each other's performances. (and i'm also lucky to have a mother who's got an insane eye for performance and who'll watch thai bl with me so i can train these skills even at home)

point is, once you know what to look out for then you will have an easier time distinguishing between what's good or bad even when you like someone's face

(disclaimer: i struggle with acting terms in english bc i usually talk about this in my native language german)

sending: a big topic at drama school was for example "senden" (i guess you can translate it directly to "sending" in english). i won't get into this concept right now, but when you know what that is and what it looks like when an actors "sends" then you'll see it even when the actor has an interesting face

dringlichkeit: also something my monologue teacher talked about all the time. i guess it's best translated with "urgency". this is all about how much urgency comes with a character's emotions and actions, how important everything they're doing or saying is to them. big topic, but hard to explain in a tumblr post

changes? another thing i look out for is whether anything changes. some actors tend to do the same thing over and over again (in a single scene up to throughout the entire series). this can also really difficult to catch if you don't know how to look, but once you do it gets really obvious. basically what i pay attention to is what emotions i can get from a character and whether they're always running on the same basic emotion throughout a scene/epsiode(s)/entire series. hereby it's important to remember that even if the emotion has the same term it can still be different bc emotions are a LOT and we usually feel a whole MIX of emotions. what i mean by that is that when a character starts a scene (or monologue or whatever) angry and ends that scene angry, something about that anger should change by the end of it. maybe the character starts out the scene in a hot rage where they're just angry and annoyed and pissed of and just DONE and ends the scene in a kind of anger where that annoyance and and rage has been replaced with an underlying desperation and the feeling of betrayal and pain. changes apply not only to the portrayed emotions, but also on things such as tempo, volume, etc.

processing: this is another very subtle thing. basically what happens in real life is you see/hear something, your brain has to process that new information and only then you can (re)act. actors who have memorized a script and know exactly what their co-stars are saying should still go through that process. i can see it when an actor doesn't let the words of their co-stars sink in first before they continue with their next action and i can see it when they character is supposed to have new thought and the actor doesn't play the moment a split second beforehand when the character is supposed to have that next thought (you can't act when the thought of the action hasn't even crossed your mind first. your brain is controling your actions so it all has to go through there first). i can see it when a character is supposed to be taking a decision but the actor doesn't take that decision in their head first. and you can also see it when actors do act all of these things out (an absolutely fantastic example: look at the journey of facial expressions ohm goes through in the ep5 rooftop scene right before pat answers "no"!! you can see how he takes in pran's question of "do you want to be my friend", you can see how he considers this question, how he really thinks about it, about what he should say and probably also how pran might react to it, you can see the moment he comes to a conclusion in his head after all that thinking and you can see how he switches to determination right afterwards as he decides to tell pran the truth that no, he does not want to be friends. and my favorite thing about this is that it actually takes him two tries! there is a moment where his lips fall open as if he wants to say something but the words don't come out and it's only on the 2nd attempt that he manages to let out a breathless "no")

thoughts/images: ok so my monologue teacher would talk a lot about "having your thoughts straight" (to put it this way in english. in reality he kept saying various versions of "die Gedanken haben müssen"). my mom instead keeps going on about "creating images". personally i feel like these two concepts come together because in order to create images (you know, like panels in a comic book or pages in a flip book) you need to have actual thoughts. once you know what it looks like when an actor is in no-thoughts-head-empty mode it becomes really obvious when there is absolutely nothing going on in their head. (again for an absolutely fantastic example of an actor having A LOT of thoughts in their head i refer you to my boy ohm pawat, specifically his facial journey on the rooftop between "do you want to be my friend?" and "no". or also the ep4 scene with pat, ink and pran at the bar after ink and pat had the photoshoot, just watch pat the entire scene and you can also see that there's a lot going on in pat's/ohm's head)

spielrichtungen: this is one of those words where i have literally no clue how to say it in english and it's frustrating bc my mom and i talk about this A LOT when we're analyzing acting. a somewhat literal translation would be "direction of acting" or "direction of playing". i guess the best way i can explain it is that what we mean by that is the direction in which the focus or an action of the character is going. it can be outwards it can be inwards (for example a character talking to someone else vs a character talking to themselves). it can be forwards, it can be backwards, it can be up, it can be down. it's always amazing to see when actors are able to jump around with their directions a lot (on that note, i went to watch one of my acting teachers in a play last month and he did that so well, it was a joy to watch). a character's direction can be backwards even when they're talking directly to someone (for example if the character is talking to someone they really don't want to be talking to). a character might be in a conversation and then suddenly switch their focus inwards as they think about something that has just been stated or they might even say entire sentences to themselves (on that note one of the major differences between ohm's acting as pat in bbs and phukao in 10 years ticket is that as pat his direction tends to be very outward and forward whereas as phukao it tends to be very inward. what i mean by that is these are the main directions the characters go through the world in, however ohm does switch up directions at any given moment depending on what the character is reacting to, thinking about, saying or is trying to achieve. meaning that even when phukao has a tendency to be very inwards he'll switch to an outward direction when needed and even when pat has a tendency to be very outwards and forward he too will switch to an different direction when needed. for example that scene in ep4 where ink fixes pat's hair, his direction is away from her and rather inwards, which is completely different only two scenes later in the nivea product placement where his direction is very outward and towards pran. and i LOVE ohm for these choices, it makes it so much richer bc you just KNOW my boy pat has zero interest in ink, no matter how hard he tries)

anyway, this is just the tip of the iceberg of things you can look at to judge whether an actor is better or worse. and these are concepts and techniques that you can absolutely notice even when you like an actor's face. and i know this from experience: for example, theory of love is a very important drama for me bc it helped me deal with a very similar situation in my real life. also, i absolutely ADORE gun atthaphan (his face is so cute?? help??) and i really look up to him as an actor. and yet there are still individual moments where i'm like "ok this doesn't quite work bc [insert reasons] and it would have had a stronger effect if he did [insert my own solution(s) i could come up with]" (for example that moment in the 2nd half of the series where third is sleeping in the theater and then khai comes up to him and kisses him? gun reacted too quickly there: we don't get to see third wake up and process the fact that he's being kissed and realizing exactly who is kissing him and reacting to that realization before he jumps into action. so then that entire scene falls a little flat, it would have been much smoother and would have had a better effect if we'd seen this whole process in third first) (speaking of gun.... on the topic of "does anything change?": gun cries a lot in various dramas and there are no words to describe how amazed i feel at the fact that he cries differently every single time. you can watch all his crying scenes back to back and it's always so DIFFERENT, it's never the same, like???? anyway, when it comes to actors i have a favorite crier and it's him, it's gun, bc damn that boy can cry. and it's so different every time)

also at this point i want to say: how one feels about an actor's performance is also a very subjective thing. just because i'm saying one thing doesn't mean that someone else with the very same experience and knowledge agrees with me. sure there are techniques and concepts that can help you judge whether a performance is good or not so good, but at the end of the day all art is about how it makes you feel and how it touches you personally. an inexperienced performer might touch you much more than an experienced performer for various reasons while for someone else it might be the other way around.

another anecdote from drama school on the topic of subjectivity: my colleague was preparing a bunch of monologues for an important acting austrian acting exam. she practiced them with our monologue teacher (an AMAZING teacher btw - one of the main people who trained my acting analysis skills) and there was this one specific monologue where he really loved her portrayal of it and said he didn't really need to do anything to help her improve it bc to him it was perfect as it was. personally i liked her protrayal just fine, but to me it wasn't all that special and so it wasn't one of my faves from her program. then at some point my colleague presented all of her exam monologues to our voice/articulation teacher for some more feedback (this teacher is the one i mentioned above aka who i went to watch in a play last month! also a very skilled actor). on this particular monologue the voice teacher gave the complete opposite feedback from our monologue teacher. (and actually, that was a really eye-opening experience for me bc i was like "oh WOW i get it, i totally knows what he means!! so that's what my problem with this monolgue was, that's why the monologue wasn't all that interesting to me, he's so right omgggg") needless to say, this caused a bit of a crisis for my colleague... (though there's a happy ending: she got through the exam!!)

alright, i'll stop here as i've already said way too much. also, all of this would be so much easier in person where i could pull up various clips from various shows and compare good performances with not so good performances and where i can point all the things out that i've just talked about and so you can see for yourself what effects that can have on you as a viewer and how much there is to discover 😅

I appreciate everyone's good advice to just drop the damn thing, but for some reason I feel compelled to keep watching Candy Color Paradox, and then complain about it. It's feeling like my experience watching War of Y, although they are very different shows, in that I'm fascinated by it's successes and failures. And I now want to find out what the show ends up saying (either intentionally or not) about the morality of paparazzi journalism. I did notice that two minutes after I paused to write my last post Kaburagi was questioning the ethics of what they did and how it impacted their subject, so I have some hope that the show is at least trying to say something.

However to avoid polluting the tags with my negativity for people who are enjoying the show, I'll keep my criticism below readmores.

Before I get into that, are the editors at the magazine trying to match-make Kaburagi and Onoe? 🤔Because they keep singing the praises of each of them to the other one. 👀

I think the biggest problem for me is that I just don't think the actors are very good. According to MDL they're both idols and don't have much previous acting experience, and I can tell. They're both trying their best, but there is this awkward amateurism to their acting that is distracting me and makes the characters feel less real. I'm just now watching the scene with Congressman's secretary, and it's clear just how much more comfortable this older actor is on screen (at least before he sexually assaults Onoe). He moves and talks and inhabits his body in this unselfconscious way that is engaging to watch. And in the scene when Onoe is talking to his bartender friend, Masayan, my eyes kept being drawn to the bartender, even though all he was doing was listening and nodding. But he just seemed so much present and real.

I bring these two other (much more experienced) actors up because it affirmed for me that it wasn't just my imagination. Both young actors have this tentativeness to their physicality, which really doesn't work for the supposedly cool and dominating Kaburagi, but neither does it feel like it matches the awkwardness that Onoe has. It feels like the actor's own awkwardness, rather than the character's, somehow. It doesn't help matters that they both seem made-up and styled like idols rather than journalists. They just both look so young.

They're not terrible, they both have some nice moments, and Onoe's face especially is growing on me. I think he's the stronger actor, actually, he has this wonderful wide-eyed way of looking at Kaburagi that temporarly creates the illusion that these two have chemistry. The roles I suspect are actually deceptively hard to do well, balancing complex emotions with slapstick comedy. I'm not an actor, but I imagine that's something that requires a lot of experience to pull off well. But it does mean that the chemistry isn't really there, that Kaburagi's philosophical musings feel shallow instead of like insights into a moral crisis, and that Onoe's panic about falling in love doesn't ring true for me.

And oh my god that final sex scene in the car, there was no connection there, it felt like they were each in their own world, not like they were reacting to each other. Which I get, it probably feels much safer for the actors to approach it that way. But it's so obvious on screen. At least a JBL is willing to portray sexuality on screen, I guess? Next step is helping inexperienced actors get comfortable with it. (Eternal Yesterday and Utsukushii Kare were on a different level all together, production and direction wise, and the actors in Old Fashion Cupcake are such pros that they probably could have managed it on their own, though I imagine they had support. And thus concludes the list of JBL I've seen that have attempted more than dead fish kisses.)

The other problem is a mismatch of my expectations and what the show actually is. I keep wanting it to be more serious; it touches upon these complex issues—the sexual assault, ethics in journalism, Kaburagi's feelings about trading sexual favors for information—and then glancing right off of them. Whereas I keep hoping for them to dig in. But it seems very devoted to it's yaoi roots, particularly with a sexually aggressive seme and a blushing maiden uke, and not interested in going much deeper.

And since this is my space to vent, I just watched another show where a completely untrained person was miles better at tailing people and taking covert photos than than these two are. The shows are completely different in tone and budget, so perhaps it's not fair to compare, but it did make me laugh. (I don't want to spoil that show, though it's barely a spoiler, but it's this one for anyone curious.)

[aquato-family-circus]

if you’re still doing the character asks!! Maybe Cassie??

Yknow I did clean out the box yesterday and said I wouldn't take more, BUT yknow I will make an executive decision bc I'd like to talk about Cassie !!!

First impression:

I think my first impression was something like "this isn't the voice I was expecting from her... she's nice. oh i guess she's Chinese, hm! neat!" which you know if I'd taken a closer look at her mindswarm poster in the storage room maybe I'd have seen her outfit and got it there but I am not the most observant gal

I also had the impression I'd have to fight the swarm of bees at some point, the one that chases you out of the forest when you get a few for Compton. I guess in a sense you do fight em in the Die-brarian fight but I was imagining a real world combat scenario in the woods 😂

Impression now:

Cassie's a charming lady, I find her power to be one of the most fascinating in the game and she sounds like she's put a lot of time and thought into it. She gives the impression of a very beloved teacher, fitting for her teacher archetype but even outside of that! I'd go so far as to say she's got Ms. Frizzle vibes!! multiple outfits, each themed around a subject, a passionate woman who sets her mind toward seemingly impossible goals. Inspiring!

I also find Cassie to be very relatable, I think out of the psychic 7 her issues are probably the ones that most apply back into my life? Not the details of her life story of course but more just the idea of feeling like if I can just take control of the situation I'm in, organize things just right, that things will be ok. Even though sometimes things can't be organized and will get messy. I can sort of feel like a control freak who wants to fix things even when that's not what's needed or wanted from me, I getcha Cassie. I see you girl.

Favorite moment:

I think the way she made the best of a bad situation in her money laundering days and used the place she was stuck in to publish her own book was extremely cool of her. I feel much joy looking at the last slide of her memory vault where she's chillin' on a reclining chair on a boat headed to new shores.

Idea for a story:

I think exploring some facets of Cassie's life pre-gulch would be neat, like that inbetween spot from leaving China to joining the Psychic 7!! There's an indeterminant amount of time to play around with there, and we know she wrote multiple books, I'd love to hear ideas for what they could be about.

Overall it would also be nice to just see more art and stories about her in general! I feel like she's the most underappreciated member of the psychic 7 based on the fan content I've seen over the last 6 months. Give Cassie some more love my dudes.

Unpopular opinion:

I found Cassie's Collection to be more overstimulating than Psi-King's Sensorium. I think it was a combination of all the muted, warm colors making the books and shelves feel like these endless walls of information - and some of the sound design. The inky rails you grind down from each clue location in the fanny flats area always made my skin crawl a little, it's very goopy and slimy o_o

It was also probably the level I had the most platforming trouble with - though I'll admit that could be from my keyboard set up. I constantly struggled to get the wall jump to work in my playthrough, which made some of the book maze segments frustrating.

Overall it made Cassie's Collection one of my least favorite mind levels, even though by virtue of the game's quality that still means it's a pretty damn beautifully designed location.

Favorite relationship:

Cassie and Compton are obviously very sweet, there's something very heartening and refreshing about their relationship being presented in a way that makes it clear it's both 1) as important as the romantic relationships but also 2) not a romantic relationship itself. Ford/Lucy and Bob/Helmut are so romantically charged that it can be used as a good comparison point to show Cassie and Compton are over here hugging and giggling but it's still obviously platonic besties, and it's nice!

Favorite headcanon:

Cassie picked out her own name bc of her love of the stars/mythology.

Cassie 🤝 Helmut autistic trans folk picking a new name based on their special interest club

[catboyshinsou]

sick headcanons!

anon request: i love your writing smmm !! 🥺 can i request mha sick hcs where they take care of the reader when they don’t feel well 🥺 you choose who !! <3333

a/n: sorry it took so long <//3

pairings: Kaminari, Kirishima, Tokoyami and Monoma x sick,g/n!reader

warnings: none rlly, mention of throwing up in monoma, slight manga spoilers

can be seen platonically and romantically <3

kaminari:

Tbh i think he’d be quite Useless

Just rlly panicky n stuff bc what the fuck does one do with a sick person???

*walks into your dorm* “hey y-n wanna- WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOK TERRIBLE”

*you in a blanket and not having enough energy to be offended* “i think i’m dying” “y/n WHAT”

He’d try his best regardless tho

He goes to sato and helps with doing something soothing and welcoming

On his way back to your dorm he passes aizawa and tells him you’re sick in THE worst way

“Oh yeah Aizawa-sensei, y/n is dying-” “THEY’RE WHAT”

Kami would definitely storm into the room with him and be just as worried

What if it was something really serious??? Like the plague?????

They find you just laying in bed, sniffling and groaning

Turns out it wasn’t the plague and just a bad flu

Flu with its whole jazz, you had a fever of 38C and you could barely move

Aizawa got you excused from classes for about a week and left again

Kami just stood there with his soup and went “oh thank god you're not dying”

like i said i think he'd be useless but try his best

he checks up on you every half hour either in person or via text during classes

he brings you stuff like blankets and foods even though you can't taste any of them or have any type of appetite

but! thanks to the fridge in your room you just had snacks for about… forever

he gave you extra attention too

sometimes he'd just sit on the ground and talk about his day and theories while you just laid under your blanket

you appreciated it though

except for aizawa, sato and tsuyu nobody came over and even they just came in every few hours

kami stayed for hours on end and even tried to convince aizawa to let him sleep over so he could “watch over you” incase you “stopped breathing”

it's not like you slept much when he was around anyway, nights were not ideal for a good rest on a sick day

it was endearing seeing him lay on a futon on the floor and poking you when he had to get up for class

he leaves notes and stuff to make sure you didn't get worried

did he do anything to make you feel better physically? not rlly

did he lift your spirits and make you feel less lonely? most definitely

kirishima:

hear me out

this boy is an angel when it comes to caring for people

when he got into the whole essentially self care stuff he also knows what's best for others

he was probably one of the first to notice you being ~off your game~

whether in class or just yknow vibing, he'd tap your shoulder and softly “you okay man?”

he calls everyone dude and man and bro no matter gender or anything he's just that into the manliness stuff

and yes he puts you in essentially self isolation more for yourself than for others

“your body needs to rest y/n! can't properly get better if everyone keeps bothering you!”

he calls you every night tho and he has aizawa bring you stuff when he checks up on you (he's allowed because he's the teacher ofc also as long you're a UA student like one of your legal guardians which is like a dad and dads can see their kids sick right?)

stuff ranges from just bowls of soup to compresses to the handmade ointment against a sore throat to like socks he knitted or something his parents sent in bc he told them you were sick

yes this boy tells his parents you're sick

i mean someone probably told yours but like twice the parents means twice the comfort!

alternatively if your parents are *cough* he'd tell his parents and put you on the phone with them because everyone needs some parental love from time to time (don't act tough about it, he's gonna make you cry and tell you how manly you are for doing so)

when you're back on your feet he probably still treats you like you're about to fall over for like two or three days more

he praises you for how well you did during your essential quarantine and when you say you didn't do anything he says some cheesy stuff about manliness

“bro i'm so proud of you for getting through it!” “i didn't do anything kiri-” “don't say that! it takes so much energy and manliness to keep in self isolation and get better, you did amazing”

tokoyami:

i love birds

also look at baby toko he's so cute

do birds get sick?

anyways

tokoyami is like.. helpful but tries to be undercover about it

he's not gonna ignore you or anything

he's the type to like silently nudge teachers into your area so they could see you were clearly sick and send you back to the dorms to rest

but he'd never actually ask you or tell anyone

it would ruin his whole ~vibe~

dark shadow tells him to tell someone and he rlly does especially if he sees you struggling through it in class but he's also just not great at talking with people so a nudge or “secret note” will have to do

it does work, you're in your dorm right before combat training because mic had sent you up and excused you

mic is sweet he said he'd send aizawa up when he finds him but that you should rest

he also tells you that you have some really attentive friends

you're at this point just letting the sickness take over you so you have no idea what he just said (you heard him but the words just didn't register in your brain)

you get into bed and the first thing you do is sleep through afternoon classes

tokoyami is only at 50% today and so is dark shadow

tokoyami swears he isn't worried, the teachers are capable of taking care of you in an appropriate manner so that you will recover in no time

dark shadow on the other hand is all gittery and doesn't wanna focus on anything but you

off topic but i just think dark shadow is tokoyamis way of showing emotions or well like… like his internal thoughts? not like his internal dialogue but ya know his feelings

so he can act all goth and dramatic but dark shadow is a good way of still giving some of his feelings an output

back to you

so training is over and so is your nap

but you wake up to pillows, stuffed animals, blankets and more pillows surrounding you

half of them weren't yours either

they laid around you like some kind of pillow fortress jusy surrounding you and making sure you didn't hit your head on the wall or fall from the bed

it kinda felt like a nest- oh

you tried getting up, your head almost immediately flinging uoh back into bed but you needed to see if a certain someone would come back in to build the nest

“dark shadow, be quiet we don't want them to w- oh you're up”

tokoyami came in with more stuffies and an extra blanket like it was a siberian winter and your rooms only source of warmth was an almost dying candle

“are those yours?” you asked half asleep, your head absolutely booming

you could barely keep your eyes open, that's how exhausted you were but you made an effort to smile at the bird and his shadow

“uh no, yaomomo-san insisted on making some blankets for you and hagakure-san, ashido-san and uraraka-san gave me all their stuffed animals when they heard i was paying you a visit-” “but the blue star blanket and teardrop pillow are from fumi!! he brought them from home because he can't sleep without them!!” “DARK SHADOW!”

you only chuckled before breaking out in a cough again

aizawa came in some time after and had a hard time finding you under all the blankets and stuffies and even offered to tell the class to stop bothering you

but you just laid there all cozy and told him to let them be

“it's how he shows affection, it's nice”

monoma:

oh so the 1A student got sick??? huh??? I thought 1A was invincible hUUUUUUH??? *manic laughter*

coughs

anyways

so basically the two hero courses are more “in tune” after the joint training

they often have dinners together and it isn't rare to see kendo come over with monoma and tetsu^4

she came over to hang with the girls and tetsu had training sessions with kiri

nobody rlly knew why monoma tagged along though

all he did was spout about how average everything is for the “superior hero course”

he did secretly like the classes growing together more though

he'd sit on the couch with you and occasionally laugh about something else other than his team beating yours during joint training

one day he came in and didn't see you at your usual spot

“ehhhh??? where's the only tolerable person in this course??”

used to his lowkey insults deku pointed you out at the dinner table, head resting on your hand and looking over some homework

“y/n what are you- oh my god you look horrible”

“thanks monoma, you're as nice as ever”

your face was drained of any colour, eyes heavy lidded and you could barely control the pen that scribbled over the paper

he tried grabbing your wrist but pulled back immediately

you were way too hot and the fact that he noticed by grabbing your wrist meant that it was more than just a high fever

“is 1A that incompetent that they couldnt even notice their classmate falling sick??? can you guys do anything but trouble???”

“shut up monoma, we tried getting them to bed but they insisted on finishing up first and there's nothing in the world that can get y/n away from what they've put their head to”, kaminari yelled from the living room space

how were you gonna get anything finished if your head was falling off your shoulders if you didn't hold it up

class 1A really was incompetent

“sato-san, give me a hand”

sato, who was currently cooking up dinner, just held out his hand and some type of chocolate bar which monoma grabbed and ate up

“this is incredibly sweet, i don't know how you do it”

it's become like half a routine for monoma to copy quirks for whatever reason

kiri and tetsu used it to determine which quirk was handier

uraraka’s quirk made cleaning up after a game night easier

it was training for all of them

monoma could train his copy and the others could measure how much they've grown from his reaction to it

anyways

sato’s quirk kicked in and he lifted you up over his shoulder

“monoma!” you could barely lift your voice, faintly kicking

before you knew it he placed you on your bed in your dorm and sighed

“you're lighter than i thought”

“i think i'm gonna throw up”

so you hurled into your garbage can

monoma held back whatever there was to hold back

(he was very much disgusted but even he knew that this wasn't the time to let any type of negative emotion show)

“jolly gees y/n, what did you have for breakfast?!”

you laid in bed as he passed you a water bottle

“you need to drink something, you lost a lot of water”

“awe caring for me, monoma?”

“this is for general health, y/n. i would never as much as care for anyone, especially not a brat from 1A. who even knew that any of you could fall sick huh?! weren't you supposed to be superior to the rest of us??!”

he said all of that while putting a blanket on you and opening the window for fresh air

“god you 1A fools really are incompetent!”

he went into your bathroom and soaked a small towel in water

“i'm only doing this so you don't infect anyone. god you could cause an epidemic at UA and in the end 1b would fall victim to you as well! this is all just for the general well-being!”

you didn't even hear what he was saying anymore

with a half empty bottle next to your head, you slept peacefully

monoma let out a deep breath when he saw you

“i'd never care for anyone in 1A, i'm better than that…”

he whispered those words to himself

(he did care)

[halleymacleod666]

This is gonna be a very very very long post, this is basically like you reading my diary but it's all over the place and long, just a warning.

I'm sitting in my room crying, screaming.... can't deal with life anymore, I used to be so happy, so hopeful, so ambitious about the future.... now everything seems so dark, so impossible, everything seems like it's just not under my control.

What happened to me.... I thought I'd be someone by the time I was 20 yo, or that at least I'd be building up to something, but so far I've done nothing.

Idk why I'm ranting here but I need a place to post my uncensored thoughts bc I'm going crazy with this in my head.

I feel like I'm letting my feelings get in the way of everything and that's something I thought I would never do, I used to be so mentally strong and now one little problem comes and I have a mental breakdown, anyone else!?!? Like why can't I deal with the smallest of issues and instead I just burst into tears, such bad emotional control, I can't face life If I can't even deal with the smallest fucking inconveniences, I don't know If it's because of my adhd or what but idk what to do anymore, I used to not have emotions, I wasn't affected by anything, I was so fucking mentally strong as a kid, nothing could get to me, then when I got older and saw how cruel the world really was I started being affected by things more and more but it was only like 10 minutes of crying and then I would pick myself back up. Now I can't even do that anymore, I feel like I'm choking in tears sometimes and all I want is to be happy but after 5 minutes of happiness I just keep reverting back to sobbing for hours and hours until my eyes get so swollen I can't even see anymore, I don't wanna do that, I don't wanna be depressed anymore, I wanna be happy, I wanna have control over my emotions and over my life.

I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me. Problem is i know how I used to be, how happy I was, even tho I cried back then too sure but it was never to the point of even considering suicide or giving up, one time recently it got so bad I thought I was gonna die FROM crying.... I wanna be as strong as I was, I know I was just a kid and wasn't faced with realities of adulthood but I feel like past me could have handled absolutely anything life threw her way, this me can barely deal with getting out of bed.

I don't know what happened to the old me, maybe I just finally realized how shitty life is, maybe I wasn't all that strong in the first place, maybe I let my guard down for a second too long and the world destroyed me, maybe it's just stupid brain chemicals making me cry, I don't know, all I know is I wanna be happy again, I wanna be strong again, I wanna stop letting life beat me down and I wanna throw a punch back for once, I wanna stop feeling sorry for myself.

I want that ambition I used to have. I don't know if this is everybody when they're a kid but I'm assuming a lot of people is like that, I used to be such a hopeful kid, I had big dreams and goals until the point I started school and school made me think I'm dumb, because all the school fucking does is teaches you how to be an obedient slave and if you are one, If you do what you are told, you get rewarded, if you don't then they make you think you're dumb, they make you think you're worthless, it took me 8 years to realize I'm 20 times smarter than everyone in that class, grades mean nothing, because they don't grade your intelligence, they grade your obedience, fuck school, fuck every one of those idiots that tells you that you can't do something, that bullies you into complying with the social norm, kids might be worse than the teachers, cause they give you two choices, you can either fit in and be exactly like them and if you're not you're either bullied into complying or you're ostracized from them and eventually from society, I realize now how much school fucked me up, but even after that, during high school I also had big dreams, even bigger than before, but most importantly I believed in those dreams, I believed more than anything I could do it, all I kept hearing from everyone around me was that I can't, that I shouldn't even try, that my dreams are ridiculous, but I still wanted to try, unfortunately I didn't have the opportunity to prove them wrong. Back in high school I decided I wanna go study abroad (America, England or somewhere with top class colleges) and when I made that decision I was the happiest I ever was, that moment I considered that possibility I thought I could fly from the sheer enthusiasm I had for the idea, I thought I was smart enough to get into a top tier world university and I was willing to take a risk, but unfortunately I was never given a chance because my family wasn't rich and various tests and application fees had to be payed for and i couldn't ask that from them (also my relationship with them isn't great so I don't wanna ask anything from them bc I'd feel like I owe them something). But yeah when I realized that wasn't happening I guess it crushed me a bit, but despite that I was still hopeful, I never had anything except for hope.

Now I live on my own, I support myself completely but I'm struggling with money bc i work a menial job (and working a regular job is something I promised myself I'd never do....) I just keep disappointing myself I guess.... anyway, even after I started working a menial job I was still hopeful because I told myself it's only temporary but time Is passing so so fast and I'm still lost and don't know what I'm doing. That ambition and hope I had were the only thing I ever did have and if I lose that, which I feel like I am, I have nothing left, so I'm gonna get that back and I'm not letting go.

I am a lot of things, but I'm not weak. I did I lot of things, some I'm not proud of, but I would do the same thing again, I used to regret so much, so so much, but now, knowing that every one of my actions led me to a person I am today, I wouldn't change a thing, don't get me wrong I am not proud of who I am now, but I know I can be better, I realized a lot of things over the years about life and if I had to go thru all of that to form the opinions I have now then I do not regret shit.

I wanna be better. I wanna be tougher. I wanna be in control. I can't control everything, but the only person that's stopping me from controlling a lot of things is me. The first thing that comes to mind is my body and weight, the least I can do is control that.

[fairycosmos]

this is random but like obviously we're in an internet culture or whatever where mental illnesses are basically being glamorized under the guise of "awareness" like it's cool to brag about depression/anxiety now and I absolutely hate it like I feel like we're sometimes moving backwards but also with that has come this weird "anti-recovery" stance a lot where like people completely disregard like meditation or going on a walk because they're like "OH YEAHHHH thankksss my depression is cured now 🙄" and like obviously no one is saying depression goes away by doing that stuff but it also makes life more enjoyable?? like going on a walk on a sunny day definitely brings more happiness to you than laying on your bed in the dark that can't just be disregarded because it's not a full on cure (also, meditation has quite a bit of science surrounding it about it's effects on the mind). i saw a tweet earlier that was like "students with anxiety should not be forced to present in class" and I understand the sentiment (and I also understand it's not the same thing as my example before) but as someone who had severe anxiety since childhood, like literally would cry before presentations, being forced to do presentations is what made me slightly less anxious. ofc it's not the same for everyone but almost every job requires presentations and life in general requires you to speak to people and the whole point of recovery is to be able to function a little bit better in life. idk I feel like the purpose gets ignored so much in the name of accomodations. I'm not saying accomodations shouldn't be made (they absolutely should in many cases) , but I feel like being in that fixed mindset that you're life *can't* be changed for the better is such a dangerous idea prevalent on the internet. sorry for this random rant I just needed to get it out lol

omg yessss >:( lets Dis Cus this bc it irks me too and i can’t sleep. to be honest throughout my teenage years i feel like i’ve noticed this very weird mentality just continue to develop online when it comes to mental illness. on the one hand it’s clear that most ppl esp kids can not afford or do not have access to the treatment they need  - like they don’t have any real world support so they just turn to the internet without thinking too much ab it. but because of that it’s a well of misinfo with literally no boundaries or critical thought. there’s definitely this self pitying competitive almost passive aggressive, even infantilizing, aspect to the way the topic is approached. like most therapists will give you these same standard self help techniques - go for a walk, do some meditation, breathing exercises - not to cure the mental disorder but to alleviate the effects of it in the moment. and i think teenagers or even ppl in general just like brushing that off bc it makes them feel like their pain is just simply too unique and deep to be confronted lmfao. also they often make their depression and anxiety a whole personality trait which causes them to take any well intentioned suggestion offered as a personal attack. when it comes to presenting in class, i’m kinda on the fence. i don’t think anyone should be forced, i think it should be a case by case sort of thing. maybe modifying for each individual child’s needs. for example, if a kid is really anxious over presenting in front of the class, the teacher could perhaps allow them to present in front of a smaller group instead so they still get the experience of public speaking without that much pressure, you know? and then they could work on building up to going in front of a bigger crowd bit by bit. i only say that bc i know different ppl respond differently to that sort of thing and i used to miss a lot of school out of pure (mental illness induced) fear which was just overall bad for me LOL. like you said accommodations come in handy when necessary i totally agree w that. anyway yeah like it doesn’t surprise me that a group of ppl dealing with often untreated mental illnesses can’t see any hope/ don’t believe in self improvement, but it’s super harmful rhetoric to spread as a universal truth bc like. the majority of mental illnesses absolutely CAN be controlled and you CAN live a whole healthy life if you learn how to cope with the specific makeup of you own brain. it’s sad to see children thinking they’re beyond help or a lost cause like that’s truly practically never the case :( theyre not even done developing, nothing is final you know. but ig it really feels that way in the moment and i totally understand that so i won’t undermine it. it just sux to see !! and adults should def be more mindful of that :( dw about the rant i gave you one back lmfaooo x

[oizilla]

yesss!!! the thing with the age gap that really disgusted me was that i see a lot of people acting as if it’s okay bc the mc is immortal but that’s actually one of the things that most disturb me, like he watched and “helped” (since he was his teacher) that child grow???? and the corpse thing was so fucked up, and i remember almost crying bc the way it was written it was supposed to look like something sweet since he was “taking care of it”, and then there’s the whole “i will forcefully make you drink my blood so i can control you and know where you are at all times”, the love from the student comes from a completely twisted perspective of someone who has zero knowledgeable of what affection is, and well, there isn’t actually love from the teacher

i remember being so shocked bc i’ve read it after mdzs and didn’t want to believe that it was from the same author aiskakdjks thank you for reading my rants, it’s just that after i read there wasn’t anyone that i could complain to and was so excited when i found someone!!!

I'm so late to answer this, sorry 😓 I didn't see I had an ask until I realized I hadn't filtered svsss and went to block the tag 😅

But this is exactly it! The things that happen are so fucked up, but they're shown as romantic, and only romantic. I can understand the intrigue into messy dynamics, bad even fucked up ones, but this isn't it. My favorite couple from TGCF is beefleaf, and anyone who's read that knows it's messy and pretty fucked. But that's never romanticized in the novel, and the fandom doesn't excuse it either. It's worked through and what isn't is pushed aside and isn't included at all.

My biggest problem with svsss is that it isn't ever even questioned, both in cannon and fandom.

Also, you put in to words my exact feelings that I was having so much trouble describing. Not only is there fucked up things, but Luo doesn't have anything else to go off of. People have made the point that after he transmigrated they were about the same age, but that doesn't matter when you take into fact that Luo has absolutely no emotional maturity. Not just romantic emotions, any emotions. And you can't just look at them from after he transmigrates, because Luo doesn't know that, he doesn't have that context, so it's still completely fucked.

Anyways, all this to say if anyone ever wants to rant to me about this feel free to send an ask or even message me about it.