#but also. dont thjnk i dont know what im talking about

[damianbugs]

people thinking im a jason todd hater because i speak a lot of crit on him or canon discussions as if i don't have a combined total of over 150k+ words published on ao3 of just him

[fruutbaag]

if my brain could stop telling me im not Really enjoying things and im just humoring people all the time and i don't actually care about abything thatd be great. would really like it to stop doing that

[kusundei]

chat somethitb baf is happening.

no bcuz i had tbaf feeling this mornjng a little. i assumed it was me recovering from what i had said last night and grieving slightly but as the hours pass im slowly getting mire and more scared. i feel. sick.

i just i pdnt know god forbid the shower isnt helping. i think its the hot water its makinf it hard ti breathe but i know i wont have a panic attack no more how hard id wish it jnto existance. god how i wish i cohld have them still but im doomed to recovery even if it makes me more ill. im shaking and the water is boiling but i fesl cold. my throat is closing in on itself and j cant breathjkiuhwe? and i just feel so. so. torn? confused? doomed?

i. just. theres so much going in i think and god let it be the homework looming over me or the threat of the job or just home or eli and kira or god ajax. let jt be any but not all at once i am sick

i just i feel os. so. so. so. ? i cnatn even explain it i feel too mich right now and i cant pinpoint what im feelifn exaclty im jsut i cant

the most horrible bit abo this is that eight now like ysual im thinking about her. shes pipped into my mi today and she wont leave me alone and its been looming ovee me more than usual i just i dont know ehat is happening i feel strange nad insecure and i want to have a panica ttaxk so fuckinf abd but i cant because i hate when it just sticks okto me i feel sick

i genuinely cant im jjst so. fucking. i dokt knowni just i keep thinking about everything for no reason and its freakinf menkht and god forbif i just i .? i??, i want ajax so bad right njow?,? do nkt miscontrue my words i hhst i want to tely on someone and i want to let myself be vulnerable and i want to cry and i want someone to hug me and tlel me everyhtjng will be okay and that im nkt a burden and i can take up space and i can feel my own feeling snad j dont have to leep bearing others and keep doing thigs flr lther people and i want somekne to tell me im not selfish and im not a horrible person and god what the fuc is happenjnf tl me

i jsht god i cannt. the teason jd is looming so badly over me and gkf forbid i thjnk about bella too right now bht j jsut i cant? im taunting by mysrlf. consemning myself. i can commhnicate i am good at thag i can help myself but i juet i dont know what im doinfg. i feel strange and matbe thats what it is from yesterday because i said that and i regret it because i teel like ive just dumped all my feelings out for no reason i let mtself be vulnerable becahse i wasnt thiking straight and now im scared. im scared in the same wag hes scared i dont like change. i dont like jt and im thinking abkut it now and in scared? and jdotn know why??? i want change with you but im also horrified i wont be enlufh and i cant help. god forbid jd mindset rekindles inside of me but i jjst im so scared to be vulnerable. ii want to rely on someone j want to bevulnerabme i want to tell you im not feeljng good right now and i want you to know eberythint about me and i want you to understand but . but. but. theres so much stopping me. you are not mine but i am yours heh webweaving but i jhst i cant chat? ,? i an not your issue. you have your own issues you vocalized them with me and i just feel so. broken.? i dont confess that i feel the same way becahse i will not soeak into the truth that i am also doomed that i am broken and i am lying and i am a horrible person truly at heart and i wanted to help yu and put you first becaushe you mean soso much to me but i am not the good version of you i am the version of yoy that is lying to make themself feel better and victimize themself and hurt. hurt peiple hurt people. i an fuckijng ill andi an talking aboth so many things rifht now i jsut god jd i cant i mjss her but i dont i miss the wway felt with her thag i felt like i could be comfortable and talk to her and be broken but i cant do that with you because im not lile that. i an not rhat gersion of me anymore and god i just icantn fucking im ill and theres sp much . i am thinking ablht all the time god forbid your ex and the others and i am ill and sickened and selfish and horrible. and i didnt eben respond to eli and im horriblr and i keep trying to distract myself but tis nlt working and GOD you keep texting me and i jsht want to talk to you and cry i want to crt so bad i want to tell you that i need you but why do i need you why am i so attached to oyou am i already codependent from this many months? am i broken? am i still sick? i have healed in the least jmpprtant points i jjst i im sp. I cant. injsjt i need to calm down and think i feel so horrible ans so selfish i want someone to hell me but i want to be doomed but i want spmelone and i want thag to be you but im selfis h and im sorry

[yb-cringe]

for the ask game, 👽,💝, 🫂, and 😭 for witchcraft scott! He is The Blorbo <3

WOO you got it boss! o7

(💝) a hc about their love language:

i think ive done this one before? gift giving- definitely gift giving and words of affirmation. milo knew that man like the back of his hand and that letter was nothing but gifts and lovey dovey words.

(👽) a hc about a weird quirk of theirs

idk if this counts as a Quirk exactly but i think he’s just frigid cold all the time. hes cold as a corpse, yknow? alternatively; I think he maybe talks to zombies like they’re people. he knows theyre not cognizant rly and cant respond but to him its like talking to pets or plants- just a bit more grim. its more weird to see then to experience

(🫂) a friendship hc

OUGH. ELOISE AND SCOTT MAN. i hate slinging the words sibling coded around but christ almighty. these two are sibling coded because scott will like curse her and she’ll be like ok fine but also fuckyou and hit him for it

and they’ll laugh but the second she’s like ok olease stop like legitimately he does it right away. theyre assholes to each other but in that ‘only im allowed to be like this to you’ way.

does that make sense? this isnt even a hc im just rambling they both thjnk theyre protecting the other from something is what i mean

(😭) a hc about the worst thing that happened to them.

you knew what you were doing here huh. okay. well i think milo and scott had a dream house, but since its always ‘what we wouldve had’ instead of ‘what we had’ i think the two of them were living Rough somewhere, working hard for a better future. and in trying to get them both enough money to make it, milo ends up in some deep shit and gets killed.

because he dies to some Not Legal shit, he doesn’t get an official grave. they dont wven tell him what they did with the body or the ashes. just that he’s gone. and its so terribly, awfully, unfair that they never got any happiness after so long trying that scott literally starts doing the same shit milo was (breaking into places, stealing, lying, etc) to force the world to give them a happy ending instead

[infinitepurity]

ignore

[duodusk]

social media is weird i will just stay in my little box here and talk about cwilbur

[doc-boredom]

i totally wanna add to this stockpile of lovable alien children but i dont know where to start with creating a character!! i just have a few questions: can the ears be any shape? is there a social hierarchy? w h a t s t h e s p e c i e s c a l l e d? thats all i thjnk? thanks for answering this if ya do!!!

Hey friend! It’s still pretty OPEN at this point tbh. A lot of people like to say they’re Imperial aliens but the only reason I came up with that name was that I was /very/ uncreative and was like “well DD’s the imperial crown prince, right? Fuck it.” LMAO!

Outside of SLM canon, you can do whatever the heck you want. If you wanna be a bit more in canon, longer/larger ears usually mean that you’re a higher ranking individual. Shape is very unique and open for people to do what they want with! I’ve seen all types and i love the creativity y’all have.

They also have tails. I never EVER talk about the tails for some reason? But they do.

This all started with @cremedoodle ages ago on our dingdulian chat so we’re both happy to answer any questions but for the most part it’s a free for all! SLM canon has a dictation of like, a very emotionally suppressed culture, not a lot of self expression happens on planet and people who leave are viewed as very strange and not usually welcome back! RR, WW, and DD all have their own ways of personally rebelling against that that will be explored more in depth as SLM goes on, so while I love seeing everyone’s babies I’m always tagging them as “alien chlldren” cos im like they’d probably have a kind of bad time on DD’s planet :C

[bobthejob-blog1]

You knowwww i wish more people would ask me about my stpd. Bc like. I feel like that creates a barrier because i dont....interact closely with people and they take that as me not wanting to, or being a private person. Which is true with some people but not with most people. I feel like if you read the symptoms lists w/o talking to people with the symptoms they just write my whole being off as a disorder. Like. “Doesnt have a lot of close friends, if any”. Why? If youre looking from the outside it looks like i just dont WANT them, which is why i think i was originally diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. But i do. I just...its like theres an invisible wall. Like when a cat tries to rub on your fingers to get pets through a window. I find it very hard to actually become attached to people. But i do want to. And like recently its even more bothersome because APPARENTLY my speech has gotten harder to understand, more garbled and disconnected, and thats an additonal barrier. My partner speaks my language and can decode whatever i garbled but random people cant. Or like, someone asks if i want to go to some unstructured or noisy event, and im just like......no. And they think i dont want to because i dont want to hang out WITH THEM when in reality its just i can smell the disaster in the making. Or im worried ill clam up and dissociate and go sort of half nonverbal and they wont understand and will be freaked out when its not.....a crisis? My brain just does that? Its basically a blue screen? Turn off and reboot? I need the structure to meet new people. I need a game or icebreakers or something, and i need a group of people to be around not just the person. And tbh i also need caffeine. There are so many things required for me to pick up a new close friend and its happened exactly thrice in my life. And also frankly whoever im trying to make friends with needs to be aware of my mental health so they arent horribly confused by me. I can appear neurotypical somewhat for short periods of time, but if someones going to be around a lot i have to give them the Dictionary of Me so they dont thjnk im mad or upset or something. Also like, my jokes can apparently be hard to get because i do a lot of just saying something thats funny and related to what someone said and people dont always realize its a joke, or think im trying to switch the subject bc they dont see the connection. Also when people hear im crazy and just go oh thats a delusion youre crazy im going to brush it off and treat you like a child it makes me want to kick them in the shins. Like just bc you dont agree doesnt mean you get to be a dick or we cant have an interesting conversation about it. But also at the same time as i want more close friends im also terrified of new people. And i dont know why, my brain just goes well clearly theyre here to get in your head and knock over all your carefully assembled towers. Actually i just realized thats uhhhhhhhhh probably related to my first partner, who basically did exactly that. Putting that on the Therapy List. Yay for 3 am rambles.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #15: “I didn’t come here to just lay down and die.” -Michael

um so zach has had super idol since the night rhys left and just didnt tell me i legit do so much fot that stupid idol he forgets to guess half the time i cross off half the board for him tell him where the other letters are and he hides it from me. like for what i want to tell everyone he has it so they vote him out this round and he has to play it but i think its smarter to play nice and try to let him give it to me at f5 as a regular idol since we have a good shot of one of us winning immunity *looks at my only social wins and zachs touchy subject win*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONESSSS ILY SO MUCH I JUST HAD TO MAKE A CONFESSIONAL ABOUT IT MWAH MWAH MWAH <3 <3 <3

So now the votes are looking like 1 for Bryce, 2 for Zach, and 2 for Michael, but I have no clue where Zach is gonna vote and on top of that it kinda makes nada sense for Michael and Chloe to do this split UNLESS they have they have the legacy because we already know they know about it so why would he even vote Bryce? On top of that, I can see Stephen wanting Zach out but like I think I want him to think that if I have to use the idol this round, it leaves us both vulnerable to be voted out next round. So Ive got lots of work to do here

________________________________________________________________

I just feel it would be easier if Steph thought about voting Michael at least. I thjnk the frustrating thing is we did talk about going to rocks before immunity and I figure it could be worked but like now he really believes this split plan when all it does is like increase the odds i can go home. I have 10 hours to convince him but I think this'll show how like willing he is to keep his allies safe but he has already asked me about the final steps for the idol

Well, it’s over. I definitely couldn’t avoid the writing of my name forever and ever which obviously totally sucks ass but hey all the all stars winner in the actual show got votes at the f6 so I join the greats huh. The plan right now is to split the votes between Bryce and Zach and hope that both of them don’t have any idols sooooo best case scenario is the legacy advantage is a bunch of absolute shit and we can skate happily through. Worst case scenario is that I get voted out with a double idol play which would be the exact opposite of fun.

AHHHHHH I WON SOMETHINGGGGG WWOOOOOOOO!

So, as I said in my previous confessional. My strategy this round was dependent on the outcome of the immunity challenge, and... well, I WON! AHSHSAHSKD

There are loads of different plans floating around and tbh everyones name (except mine <3) has been thrown out there. That's one of the reasons this was such a critical immunity to win. The second is that it allows me to confidently go to people knowing who I want out without fear of being tattled on. I want Zach out this round. He came for me at the last Tribal Council and I don't want to give him a second chance.

The way to do this is complicated though, due to Bryce holding the legacy advantage. It's all well and good to be immune and not really care how that power is utilized, but asking someone who knows Bryce probably has the legacy advantage to throw a vote on him "just in case" is a really tough sell. Michael has offered me an F3 deal and also said he'd be willing to vote Bryce this round which is an odd thing to say, but with immunity on my side and Chris having an idol in his pocket, Michael can't really do much damage to me.

I want to get Chris to play the idol this round because realistically him being unimmune makes me less likely to be a target for Bryce or Michael at these critical last few votes. Not to mention that the idol is essentially useless if Zach goes here and anyone besides Bryce wins immunity next round.

i dont know. LOL thats the simplest answer. michael and chloe (and loris) were stupid last round. literally.. fucking dumb. no offence.

i have 0 chance of winning. michaels apparently being sketch. bryce is too. stephen maybe? like i dont know.

i legit just dont know what to do

im probs gonna end up voting michael tonight to ensure my safety but LOL LIKE WHY WHATS EVEN HAPPENING

Ugh I am so NERVOUS for this vote because I have to really really lie and promise zach im not voting him and hopefully he’s buying it. I don’t want to vote him out but it’s what I need to do to stay alive and I didn’t come here to just lay down and die I’m gonna really really fight!

________________________________________________________________

Michael is voted out 3-2-1. He becomes the seventh member of our jury.

Watch Michael’s exit interview take place below: