#but also… idk i felt like i finally got the chance to live my life. young and dumb. finally out of the closet
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hold up you know what i’m mad as hell.
#rant#don’t reblog#anyways i looked at my own tags in my blog and i saw how i used to be#before my burnout#the outfits and makeup and hair and effort i put into myself#how much stuff i was doing#and now it’s gone#i had my peak life for 2.5 years and then it was over and i’m so mad about it#and now i have meltdowns and my energy levels are like an older iPhone where it empties out just by activating an app#and i’m poor again which sucks! i found an old pay check and remembered that i almost made 6k per month and now i get like 1.5k per month#that used to be my rent alone and now it has to cover a month of living#why was i so stupid and didn’t save up more???#i wanna have fun again and go on dates and parties and hang out in the cemetery with my bestie and drink moscato by the mausoleum#i miss being active in the queer community and going on meet ups and hangouts and so on#i don’t hate my slow life rn. it’s peaceful and healing.#but also… idk i felt like i finally got the chance to live my life. young and dumb. finally out of the closet#ready to make those experiences i didn’t get to have as a teenager— i just wish it would have lasted longer.
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Chapter 5- The Finish Line
Arranged For Love (Carlos Sainz Jr x Reader)
Series Masterlist
Summary- And they lived Happily Ever After
No face claim. All the pictures are from Pinterest
Warning- Mention of death
Carlos and his family flew in for the funeral. He saw his wife, a shell of a person she was. She couldn't stop crying and barely ate anything. "Y/N, you have to eat. Grandma wouldn't be happy if you do this" Carlos reasoned. "If she's that unhappy, tell her to come and feed me herself" Y/N stated. Carlos hugged her, rubbing her back. "Everything will be okay. She's in a better place" Carlos whispered. "I just wish that better place was still with us" Y/N cried. The families stayed for a couple days, wishing their final good byes to Anika.
Once the burial was done and everyone had settled back home, "You should move in with me" Carlos said as he was getting ready to leave. "A change of scenery would do you well." Carlos explained. "I'll probably be going back to college. The restrictions are easing up and classes for the next semester will be on campus" Y/N said. "Until then you can come to the races with me" Carlos smiled. Y/N nodded. "I'll see you at your home race then" she said.
2021
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by carlossainz55, avathetraveller and 268 others
y/n.y/l/n Home Race!!!🍾🎉
carlossainz55 you should come to all the races now❤️ landonorris it was so nice meeting the woman he wouldn't stop talking about🤔 charles_leclerc landonorris I agree🤌 avathetraveller the date vibes are emmaculate👌👌 user3 who is this and why is she posting Carlos?🙄🙄
2022
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 1,890 others
y/n.y/l/n Finally done with college until I decide to get another degree😏
carlossainz55 so proud of you, hermosa😘😘 landonorris congratulations❤️ scuderiaferrari we might have an opening if you're looking for a job🫣 y/n.y/l/n scuderiaferrari yes please🥹 charles_leclerc congratulations❤️ user4 the last picture...I have many questions😅😅
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by carlossainz55, 6,347 others
y/n.y/l/n Life for the past few months🤭🤭
carlossainz55 best birthday yet❤️😏 Liked by Author maxverstappen1 you're worse than I am at golf and that's saying something🫣 y/n.y/l/n maxverstappen1 Shut up! I will not take this slander. I started like a few weeks ago, unlike somebody😤😤 user5 I think she's dating Carlos, what a life?!🥺🥺 user6 I wish I was her, dating Carlos and travelling the world😭😭 user7 Carlos cooking will be the death of me🤤🤤
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by carlossainz55, avathetraveller and 10,378 others
y/n.y/l/n From only being able to FaceTime you to being able to kiss you whenever I want, we've come a long way😭😭
carlossainz55 yes we have. Also the last picture is a lie, I'll have everyone know😤 y/n.y/l/n carlossainz55 please, you parents follow me😭 carlossainz55 to my parents, you might be grandparents soon😏 y/n.y/l/n carlossainz55 OMG!! I hate you😣😣 carlossainz55 y/n.y/l/n no you don't😉😏 user8 OK, TMI GUYS TMI🙄🙄 user9 we might have Carlos jr jr, IDK how I feel about that🫣🫣 user10 she's so cute, kinda hard to hate on her😤😪 user11 LDR to moving in, I'm so happy for them😭 user12 Carlos is a menace😂😂
2023
After moving in together, the two of them were enjoying spending more time together. They were cuddling in bed when Carlos realised that he really loved her and he couldn't imagine his life without her. He did like her when they got married but he felt like she deserved everything since she made him so happy and content.
That's when Carlos put his plan into action. He never got the chance to propose to her so he decided to plan a trip and flew them out to the French country side. He had everything planned. They drove up to the location which he had disappeared off to decorate a few hours back. Y/N had no clue that Carlos was planning something like this. Her jaw was on the floor when she saw the set up; she had tears in her eyes. "For me?" she asked. "Only for you" Carlos said. As the two sat together watching the beautiful scenery, "Y/N, I've known you only for a few years but you've made my life so much better. I can't imagine my life without you. Every day I thank your grandmother for bringing us together." Carlos said. "I love you Carlos, you make me so happy" Y/N smiled back, holding in tears. "I love you so much that's why, even though we are married" Carlos laughed pulling out a ring, Y/N's eyes widened, she saw Carlos get on one knee, "Will you marry me? Again" Carlos asked. "yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I'd marry you a thousand no a million times" she shouted hugging him.
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by avathetraveller, carlossainz55, carlosainzoficial and 198,270 others
y/n.y/l/n He proposed🥹🥹
carlossainz55 I want to spend the rest of eternity with you❤️ carlossainzoficial the cutest couple landonorris about time😌 charles_leclerc congratulations!!🎉 scuderiaferrari we are so happy for the couple❤️ fernandoalonso congratulations you both! user13 OMG!! Carlos is engaged!!!🥲🥲 user14 The proposal is straight out of Pinterest😭😭 user15 I'm kinda excited to see their wedding pictures now😭 user16 did Carlos plan the proposal out on his own?? he's so romantic🥲
2024
Carlos and Y/N decided to renew their vows on their 4th anniversary. The other's had no clue that this was a vow renewal and thought that the pair were finally getting married after dating for 4 years.
Ava planned a crazy bachelorette for Y/N with all their friends from school and university.
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by avathetraveller, carlossainz55 and 345,287 others
y/n.y/l/n I think I drank my weight in alcohol last night👌👌
avatraveller best bachelorette ever🤤🤤 jessiejames Can't believe you're getting married🤧🤧 alexandrasaintmleux prettiest bride to be ever!!🥵🥵 user17 I'm laughing🤣🤣🤣 user18 I want to be friends with her, they look like a lot of fun🥹🥹 user19 the theme of the party is killing me😂😂 user20 she has the best friends🥹🥹
Everyone had gathered for the wedding. All the drivers, both their families and friends were invited. Everyone who wasn't at their first wedding didn't know that this was a second one. Y/N still wore the necklace her grandmother gave her on her wedding day.
As Carlos waited for Y/N to walk down the aisle with her dad, Ivan had tears in his eyes as he walked his daughter down the aisle for the second time but this time without his mother. Y/N reassured her dad. He placed Y/N's hand in Carlos's.
The pair faced each other and the officiant began. It was Carlos's turn to say his vows; "I've known you for 4 years. I'm the luckiest man alive to have met someone who understands me so well and supports me. I'm so happy that your grandma played cupid. I promise to keep you happy forever. I knew I would be getting married but I didn't think I'd be lucky enough to marry the love of my life twice" Carlos finished. An audible gasp was heard from the crowd. "I would marry you a billion times. Carlos Sainz, you make me so happy and I'm also happy my grandma was a nosy woman. Being with you makes even the gloomy days sunny. You are the only man I want to spend the rest of eternity with" Y/N said. The officiant began, "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two beautiful souls. Do you, Carlos Sainz Junior, take Y/N Y/L/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?" Carlos responded, "I do." "Do you, Y/N Y/L/N , take Carlos Sainz Junior to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?" he asked Y/N. She responded, "I do." "By the power vested in me by the state and the Church, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." the officiant said. Carlos leaned in and captured Y/N's lips in a kiss.
The wedding was buzzing with the new information Carlos had just released. Everyone was busy asking them when they got married, they had power point presentation from their previous wedding playing. Everyone was very annoyed at them for hiding it. "In our defence you guys never asked" Carlos said. "What do you mean never asked? You announce stuff like this" Lando whined. "Sorry Lan, at least you got to be in this one" Y/N cooed. "I'm not a child. I hate you both" Lando groaned. "Maybe he's tired." Y/N told Carlos while looking at him. "Get some rest" Y/N told Lando, patting his back.
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by carlossainz55, avathetraveller and 2,367,049 others
y/n.y/l/n Did we get married or renew our vows? The world will never know👀👀
landonorris still can't believe I was lied too🤧🤧 lewishamilton Congratulations!!❤️ charles_leclerc I'm still shocked😔 alexandrasaintmleux It's okay you lied, at least you're pretty🙂↕️🙂↕️ Liked by Author danielriccardo top 10 f1 betrayals🙃 fernandoalonso congratulations to the couple😊 user21 OMG!! WHAT??!!😳😳 user22 Carlos was always married? For how long?😮😮 user23 IDK if I should laugh or cry😧😧 user24 My whole world turned upside down🫨🫨
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Liked by carlossainz55 and 567,390 others
y/n.y/l/n Happy to announce carlossainz55 put a baby in me😏👌
carlossainz55 I take full responsibility🤤😏 carlossainzoficial Congratulations!! Can't wait to be a grandpa landonorris already making a McLaren jumpsuit for the baby😌 charles_leclerc so happy the jumpsuit made it into the announcement☺️ alexandrasaintmleux the prettiest pregnant lady I know😍😍 avathetraveller I'm ugly crying!!😭😭 y/n.y/l/n avathetraveller don't. I'll cry too😭 scuderiaferrari new driver🤔 y/n.y/l/n scuderiaferrari he would be if his dad was still driving for the team🤯 user25 okay Y/N popped off on Ferrari, also boy dad Carlos🤔 maxverstappen1 redbull jumpsuit on the way y/n.y/l/n maxverstappen1 I mean 🙂↕️😏 fernandoalonso I feel so happy y/n.y/l/n fernandoalonso I believe you'll be on the grid by the time our child gets there☺️☺️ user26 we're getting a mini Carlos or Y/N. Can't wait!!🥹 user27 This is such a happy news after the train wreck in the past few weeks😭 user28 I'm happy Carlos has something happy to look forward too😭😭 user29 did Y/N just reveal the gender? (Its a boy, I think) Don't tell her🤫🤫
y/n.y/l/n
Liked by carlossainz55, avathetraveller and 1,268,290 others
y/n.y/l/n Stress is bad for the baby but this man made me go throw a hurricane of emotions in the last 2 weeks. Still so proud of you baby
carlossainz55 couldn't have done it without you😍❤️ y/n.y/l/n carlossainz55 you gave me the motivation and our baby❤️❤️ avathetraveller congratulations Carlos user30 he's gonna be the best dad!!😭 user31 Congratulations Carlos, only man to break RedBull's streak😭🥹 user32 If I was Y/N I would've gone mad by now🤧 user33 He looks so happy in the second picture🥹🥹
2025
carlossainz55
Liked by y/n.y/l/n, williamsracing and 1,280,290 others
carlossainz55 To the best few years of my life!! Can't wait for many more🥂
y/n.y/l/n Can't wait to have more of your babies if they look this cute😏😏 carlossainz55 y/n.y/l/n I hope you're ready😏 landonorris I was gonna say something nice but no, you guys are nasty🤢🤮 y/n.y/l/n landonorris shut up🤬 alex_albon Lily might kidnap your kid the next time he comes😔😣 y/n.y/l/n alex_albon can she kidnap me too??😖😖 carlossainz55 y/n.y/l/n what do you mean by that??😤 user34 they are so chaotic, I love it🤣🤣 user35 Congratulations dad Carlos❤️❤️ user36 Can't believe they didn't name him Carlos the third🤦♀️🤦♀️ user37 user36 I think I would kill my baby daddy if he did something like that🤦♀️😟 user38 cutest family on the grid❤️ user39 I already know the kid probably has his own kart😳 user40 a couple more years and he'll be a karting champion😭😭
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Thank you to everyone who read this!!
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#f1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#f1 fluff#f1 smau#formula one fluff#formula one x reader#formula one fanfiction#formula one imagine#formula one x you#formula one smau#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#formula 1 smau#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz imagine#cs55 smau#cs55 x reader#cs55 fic#cs55 imagine#cs55 x y/n#cs55 x you
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Please, your finale Huntlow thoughts, my liege. We poor peasants beg of you, our bowls are empty and your tables full; if we might have but a crumb of your succulent meal to fill our bellies in these cold December nights.
ASGCDHBDJNK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OKAY
I got a few asks about this but I guess I'll answer this one cuz it's phrased the funniest. I just wasn't too pressed about giving my Thoughts about finale Huntlow because I am fully a part of the Huntlow hivemind. Like I feel the way everyone else feels. I'm ecstatic, I'm delighted, I'm overwhelmed, I'm emotional, I'm so happy for them, I got everything I could have wanted. I won. We won.
(I HAVE TOO MANY PICS. I'LL RB WITH PART 2)
First of all this scene is so special to me, you have no idea.
It isn't inherently romantic but it's still so sweet and shows how much these two care for each other. Here's Willow, who's spent the last special Atlasing and repressing and refusing to rely on anyone else. But then she had her breakdown in front of Hunter and he realized just how stressed and scared she's been this whole time. She's visibly anxious and upset here, likely worrying up a storm because she hasn't found her Dads yet. And Hunter is right here beside her. He's seen her meltdown, he's felt her pain, he's heard her cry. He knows that Willow is in a fragile state at the moment. He knows she's been holding in a lot. He knows she's scared. I love that he's not only standing by her side and helping her search, but holding her too. It could be that she vocally expressed how worried she was to him, or maybe he just saw it on her face, but he probably placed that hand on her back to comfort her, let her knows he's right here, grounding her. And Willow, who's still learning how to depend on others, is letting him.
The way Hunter lights up when he sees Harvey and Gilbert, thrilled by how happy he knows she's going to be and his soft smile when he points them out to her. And then THIS!
Like Hunter is devastated. He feels alone and out of place here. He really thinks he has nobody. But Willow being happy can still bring a smile to his face. He just loves her so much!!!
And I know I already talked about the grom photo but UGHH!!!
I got a pic in better definition. I'm pretty sure this is Hunter's first grom. So likely a few months after the events of WAD. And it's so cute to think about Hunter and Willow very awkwardly but eagerly navigating a romantic relationship. I love how grabby and flirty Willow looks here, messing with his bowtie. She clearly LOVES the floral suit, thinking he's like the hottest man alive. She needs to smooch him and NOW. Or she's just like "Oh my, what a nice collarbone you have!!" Idk the ambiguity of what exactly Willow is doing here but the vibe and general intentions being very obvious is my favourite part of this pic. You can speculate for years on this. Oh and Hunter's face, I love it so much. His dumb little blush is like an old friend. He's fucking THRILLED that he's getting so much attention from her. He's very excited about where this is going. But he's also like. So nervous he's gonna pass out. But overall he's having the time of his life. Bi rights!
Also epilogue Huntlow....guys....guys epilogue Huntlow....are you guys still listening to me at this point?
God I love this scene. Its so natural and smooth, giving the characters a chance to breathe and exist and providing a glimpse of how they go about their daily lives. It's soft and lighthearted but it establishes so much about where Willow and Hunter are currently at in their relationship. They've been dating for like....3 years at the very least. And they're clearly very happy together!!
The way Willow casually slides on to the scene, giving the impression that she's often dropped in on him while he's working. And why wouldn't she? That's her sweetheart. What if she requires emergency smooches? What then? And of course, there's Hunter beaming at the sight of her. Seems he never gets tired of his girlfriend stopping by to visit. Or maybe he's sick to death of Willow the menace showing up to distract him while he's trying to work and he's just excited about the prospect of Luz's party. Either way, it's an adorable expression.
Something else I love about epilogue Huntlow is how equally distributed the affection is between both of them. Back when FTF dropped I gushed about how sweet it was to see Hunter taking initiative with Willow and the significance of something as simple pressing his backhand against hers during the pinky hold. And God, this sequence here says it all. From what I can tell, as Hunter runs towards her, they both reached out at the same time and linked hands immediately, implying that holding hands has become the automatic gesture for them whenever they meet up. They're in love, you're honor.
I love the huge carefree grins as they skate down the hill (still holding hands). They might have grown a lot since we last saw them but they're still young adults, they still love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff. And even better, they love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff together. All the handholding and fluffy cuteness is wonderful but I also love knowing that they seem to genuinely enjoy just hanging out and spending their youth with each other. Zeno was right, they ARE besties. Who knows how much shit Hunter and Willow get up to together? Being a pair of thrill seeking athletes, it's probably a lot.
This part is just so silly and ridiculous. After they go stumbling, Willow's first instinct is to grab Hunter and hold on for dear life. Her intense scrunched up expression is just so funny. "I will protect you, my love. No big dumb hill is going to harm a hair on your pretty head. Your girl is here." And Hunter barely acknowledging it (it probably happens a lot) because his life is currently flashing before his eyes. GOD they're just such nerds.
Oh and this frame is just SO adorable. The way Willow's hold on him lingers for a moment before he walks towards the grave, Hunter's heart eyes. They're clearly still so soft and touchy with each other. And this is after three years. I know they were insufferable when they started dating as teens.
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Is this what you call self-care?
Felix × Reader note(s): I am at the point where I feel like playing 72 hours of Stardew Valley is perfectly reasonable, so I hope u enjoy my first fanfic. Also, idk about you, but I feel like he would def enjoy some Zelda 😌… also, this isn't the longest fic out there, but it is a short story after all. Enjoy!☻ genre(s): fluff, silce of life word count: 1,795 warning(s): light cursing Just a chill day with Felix, while you’re trying to make progress with your uni work
masterlist
It was a regular Saturday for you, waking up at 6 AM and feeling your boyfriend's arm around you. After you turn your alarm off, you turn to look at him, smiling. His long, blond hair fell into his angelic face. It is so hard to not say fuck it and stay in bed with Felix, but you—with the smallest of movements to not wake him—get out of bed, making your way to the bathroom to get ready. After you get yourself into some comfy stay-at-home-and-study clothes, you brew yourself a cup of coffee with some coconut milk.
You've been researching for your midterm paper for a while now. It wasn't the worst topic, but selecting what's important and what isn't is where you were hopeless.
After restarting it for the hundredth time, you heard movements from your bedroom. You peeked out of the study/gaming room to see Felix's tired face, which filled your heart with warmth. "Good morning, love. How did you sleep?" He looked back at you while he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "I slept well until some gremlin left from next to me way too early this morning." A smile crept up his face, reaching out for your hand so he could pull you in for a hug. He kept you close with one hand, resting his face on your head while you hid in the crook of his neck. His sweet scent filling your nose. "How's your university work going?" you scrunch your face, not even wanting to think about the research and writing your essay. "Well, I read a lot, but I do not know where to begin or what things are the necessities to put into my paper." You felt yourself wanting to throw a tantrum like the 5-year-old who you are at heart. He kissed your forehead, then put his pinky out. "Okay, I have a trade offer; once you're halfway done, we can play on our farm together." Your eyes lit up. You've been pretty hooked on Stardew Valley for a while now, especially since the new update, and you got Felix to play with you on his days off. Sadly, they've been pretty busy with their comeback, so you couldn't hang out as much. He usually got home by the time you were asleep, and you went to class or to the library to learn before he woke up, since it was soon time for your final exams. You only have one year back from your university, and you don't want setbacks, so it is important to get a good grade. Your parents would be pleased as well since you flew to another city to learn specifically there, so you want to make them proud. You link your pinkies together to form an unbreakable promise. "Okay, but no distractions! If you want to play, please play in the living room; we both know I won't ever finish my assignment with you distracting me." He chuckles and nods his head in agreement. You happily made yourself another cup of coffee, then went back to the study to work on your task. You still cannot believe it that you somehow snagged such a perfect man: he is supportive, understands your concerns, and can always accept your compromises. He openly talks to you about how he feels and bravely tells you if something bothers or concerns him. You honestly can't believe these past couple years have been real.
You've made a bit of progress; it helped that you talked with your old dorm roommates—you moved in with Felix about half a year now; you two realized that it would be the easiest since you went over any given chance anyways. They gave some good suggestions. Once you caught up with each other, you four said your goodbyes, since all of you have a lot of work to get done by the end of this month. After some time, you smelled a sweet scent coming from the kitchen. The door opened before you could sneak out to have a peek. Felix brought in your favorite cookies; it was a mixture of his classic chocolate chip and your oatmeal cookies recipe. You two perfected it while he got some time off, and you didn't have school just yet. His brown eyes looked at you proudly behind the plate of cookies with milk in his other hand. "How's your progress, baby?" He bent down to give you a peck on the lips. You waited until he put the plate and the cup down, then patted the ground next to you, signaling for him to sit down. He didn't waste any seconds, and plopped right next to you, happy that he could sit beside his girlfriend. Felix didn't want to make you feel pressured; he just wants to spend as much time as possible with you before he has to go back to endless dance practice, content creation, etcetera. You both know he loves doing what he does, but it can get overwhelming sometimes. They got cussed out a lot for the smallest of things, getting bullied and going as far as getting death treats. He was grateful for being able to work his dream job, and he is also happy that you understand what this kind of life comes with.
Felix watched you type your thoughts out in your document and started to play with your hair, which made you relax instantly. You couldn't help but melt into his touch. You leaned onto his shoulder, feeling exhausted. "I am almost done with half of my assignment; I just need another page, but I feel like my brain cells are giving up on me." He chuckled, placing a kiss on your head. "You got this; I believe in you." He started giving kisses all around your face, which soothed your tired thoughts. Felix eventually kissed your lips; the kiss was sweet and made you feel like you're under the sun at the beginning of the spring. You reciprocated immediately, feeling as though time had stopped—no tasks, no school, no pressure—just you and him tangled together in a complete state of Nirvana. Before it could get heated, Lixie pulled away, holding you firmly, so he kept up his strenght to not distract you further. "Is it okay if I play Zelda while I lay in your lap?" You saw a hint of pink on his face, making you smile. "Well, I am close to finishing it, so why not? I don't think it can cause any harm." Felix got up excitedly to get his switch with his headphones. He laid down and got comfortable, then started playing his game. He has been quite into it lately. The game was beautiful, and there were a lot of things to do. The excitement in him got you into playing it, asking for his help in some harder situations.
When you got done with half of your paper, you looked down and saw a sleeping Felix with a gaming console on the ground next to him. He looked so peaceful like this: his pink lips parted, his eyelashes casting shadows on his face, and his freckles painting constellations onto his features. You can't help but start connecting the dots on his face with your fingers, making his eyes flutter as he awakens. "What are you doing, gorgeous?" You lean down to kiss him as a response. You feel like you're going to explode with all the feelings inside your chest. "I am done with half of my paper; I didn't want to wake you, sorry." You pout just a little, earning a smile as he reaches for your face to caress it. "That's my good girl. Are you ready for some farming time?" You nod, knowing that you're going to end up either playing until the sun gets up again or none at all and will end up cuddling in bed.
You two made some lunch and plopped down besides each other. Your desks have been set against one another, his PC taking up one desk while yours is cluttered by notes and books for your university courses; you just keep pushing it back each time you take your laptop out instead of organizing it. Felix tried to reason with you or help with that mess, but that's how you were, looking unorganized yet knowing exactly what is where, always on point. That's what your grades always reflect: perfect or almost perfect scores, even though you procrastinate until the last minute. He smiled to himself, knowing how he and the boys wished they had this superpower.
You put on your two's favorite chill playlist and booted up the game. We made a lot of progress, stopping to occasionally show physical affection for each other or taking a quick bathroom or snack break. I didn't even notice how the time flied until you looked down on your watch, seeing that it had passed five a.m. "Yongbok, we have a problem. Have you checked the time?" He has been so into the game that he almost looked up into the corner to see the in-game time, realizing that this might become a problem in the future. "Oh shit, I didn't notice when it got this late. I mean, I am going to be okay; I won't work for a couple of days now, but when do you need to send this assignment in?" he asked, knowing damn well that you have a habit of sending in your tasks with one minute left on the clock, giving him a scare. One time, Chan got to see your study progress and felt his soul leave his body. He still remembers how he and Han watched how their leader scolded you about your academics and your attitude towards your learning, painting a picture of an overworked father lecturing his rebellious daughter, who—no matter what she's doing—will always be his treasure. It never got said out loud, but you became the younger sister of the group, with all the older members looking out for your happiness and safety. And Felix isn't sure that if you two ever break up—which, let's face it, is highly unlikely—he wouldn't get the shorter stick and wouldn't get scolded.
Once you two saved and logged off for the day, got ready for bed, you snuggled close to each other leaving sweet kisses on one another, fighting the strong urge to sleep. When he heard your breathing change, he knew that you were fast asleep, what he waited for all along. It makes him happy and calm, knowing you are asleep. He pressed a light kiss on your forehead.
"Good night, my love," and with that, he dozed off to sleep as well.
#stray kids x reader#stray kids fluff#skz x you#lee felix x reader#lee felix#stray kids fanfic#stray kids#skz fluff#skz fanfic#skz felix#skz felix x reader#felix x reader#felix fluff#oursecretways#first fic#i am nervous#hope you like it#stardew is self-care#skz x reader#skz stay#changbin#bang chan#han#lee know#hyunjin#feelix cookies#kpop#kpop fanfic#kpop fluff#lee yongbok
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Just saw Wicked, emotions ahead
Wicked has finally premiered in this backwards country i live in, and after 2 weeks of dodging spoilers online, i've finally got the chance to watch it! Spoilers ahead!
First of all, miss Ariana Grande, I WAS NOT FAMILIAR WITH YOUR GAME! Girl played Glinda perfectly: gay and broken! I cried with the first verses of NOMTW, 'she died alone' ugh.
some of her acting choices were so subtle yet... gay! The little pause after 'we're just two friends, two good friends, two best... friends'. that was something alright, miss Grande, i see you and appreciate you!
i loved seeing their life in Shiz in more details, that's one of my favorite moments from the book, so seeing it on screen was very rewarding. What Is This Feeling was even gayer than usual, they could not fall asleep thinking about each other, i mean, come on!!!
loved ariana's own spin on popular, and again, very gay. the gelphie could not be contained, you guys
shout out to jonathan bailey's very form fitting pants in dancing through life
i was very emotional during the ozdust scene, but did not cry, i never cry on this scene, but somehow wept like a baby with one short day??? seeing kristin and idina broke me, for real. also, stephen schwartz!!
now let's talk defying gravity: it hurt so much seeing gelphie having their last argument, elphie asking glinda to join her and seeing glinda's reluctance. 'i hope you're happy, my friend' THE FEELS!
all that said, i was not a fan of how they broke down the song into sections, i felt there was way too much dialogue and it made it less impactful? idk just think once elphaba is flying, the song should've continued without any pause
anyway much to ponder, but excited to catch up on all the art i've missed these past 2 weeks!
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Hii do you have any recommendations for bl that’s similar to Bad Buddy, My School President, and Semantic Error? Idk I’m looking for something fluffy, but with some angst for flavor (also potentially school setting but it doesn’t have to be). Anyways thank you so much!! 💟💟
10 Fluffy Yet Angsty BLs + School Setting (By Request Rec List)
Examples: Bad Buddy, My School President, Semantic Error
Interesting selection. I added the "school setting" to keep me tailored down. Let's see what we got.
You'll never guess how we are gonna start...
Did ya guess?
Seven Days
Japan 2015 - grey
Never doubt my ability to recommend this show. One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses.
I Cannot Reach You
AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai
Japan 2023 - Netflix
This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen. Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way. This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen. Full review.
Light On Me
Korea 2021 Viki
Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all tropes are cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles. LoM strategically tailors classic BL tropes to 2 different semes resulting in pristine pacing, plot, and character development, explicitly serving narrative (not just to tick boxes). LoM is a master class in this trope drops. (If you write fanfic or romance you should study this show.) Full review.
Cherry Blossoms After Winter
Korea 2022 Viki
Korea took on early Japanese sweet yaoi but gave it their signature softness and precise production with a STUNNING color palette (beautiful pastels, sun-saturated over-exposure), manga framg style, some traditional BL character archetypes, that tiny edge of bullying roughness and out-of-control seme, plus FINALLY a palatable take on the stepbrothers trope and it was, in a word, classic. Sophisticated and understated CBAW is not slow, it’s just subtle. It's dream-like and atmospheric, as if the whole thing took place under cold water on a warm spring day. Is there plot or peril? Not really. Do we care? Also, not really. Look, I can’t help it, I’m old school and so is this show. I grew up reading sweet yaoi, and this was THAT YAOI just on my screen. There’s no objectivity with me and this show. It’s a beautiful pastiche and I loved it for how it made me feel and what it remded me of. It’s not flawless, but it is a wonderful experience. Full review.
Takara-kun and Amagi-kun
Japan 2022 Gaga and Viki
I gnawed on my knuckles and squealed a lot with this show. Reserved cool kid who must learn to communicate to keep the tiny disaster nugget he’s madly in love with. It is beyond charmg: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst, thirst, & yearning. Was there plot? Not really. Was it emotionally tense and paced well enough for me not to notice? Absolutely. Did I enjoy the hell out of it? Oh yes. Full review.
Blueming
Korea 2022 - iQIYI
It’s a tiny bit dark and a tiny bit bittersweet, almost too honest to a university experience and first love for BL, but if you want your md ever-so-slightly messed with and your intimacy hellishly sweet, this BL will do it for you in a coldly distant manner, while bitch slapping you with self worth issues. I wasn’t into it at first, but the leads are solid and by ep 5 it got really good, becomg a narrative about self discovery meets understanding and accepting others people’s flaws without hurting them. Ultimately we witnessed two characters maturing because of each other and their mutual affection, without that affection becomg the conflict point. Instead, tension was built around other aspects of identity, popularity, and self-worth. While production values were a touch lower than usual for Korea, Bluemg included decent kisses and other forms of intimacy and a satisfying ending plus there’s judicious and very elegant use of tropes, this is a great BL. Full review.
About Youth
Taiwan 2022 - Gaga
A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by real world authenticity and grit. Full review.
My Love Mix Up
AKA Kieta Hatsukoi
Japan 2021 - Viki
Completely adorable absolute chaos bi disaster muffin falls accidentally and utterly in love with his classmate, hijinx and friendship result. What’s great about this BL is that it deals with things like homophobia, asexuality, and one sided affection in an extremely gentle and palatable way. Perhaps sometimes too subtle, but I believe this is a great show for younger audiences, particularly if you want to spark conversations about identity, sexuality, authority, truthfulness, and consent. Oh and it’s funny.
The Eclipse
Thai 2022 - YouTube
GMMTV does gay Blacklist with a good boy/bad boy pairing. This is a good show but the cast is excellent and the leads are absolutely flawless, which elevates it beyond just good. We got a nuanced and multifaceted burgeoning relationship: philosophical (and socio-political) conflict contrasted to moments of empathy; flirtation contrasted to moments of genuine affection, plus plenty of angst. This narrative is less about love than it is about courage and tenderness. However, near the end the pacing was off and the plot frustrating. Still, this is an enjoyable watch, with a finale that features verbal consent and a fun blooper reel.
Destiny Seeker
Thai 2023 - WeTV
Frankly this probubly ranks along side most of hte runners up, but it's chronically under watched so I wanted to give it a special shout out.
A darn near perfect pulp featuring 3 likable grumpy/sunshine pairings with uncomplicated iterations of enemies to lovers. At least one half of each does a decent amount of pining and there’s good chemistry, classic tropes, and communication rep. It’s fun and full of linguistic jokes. Sublimely cheesy but a good rainy day offering with tons of rewatch potential. Full review.
Honorable mention
These satisfy your criteria but I jsut personally like the above 10 better. And you did ask me, still OPTIONS!
2gether & Still 2gether
A Breeze of Love
Between Us
Dark Blue Kiss (+ Kiss Me Again - PeteKao Cut)
Hidden Agenda
Love By Chance
Love Class
Love Class 2
SOTUS
Star in My Mind
TharnType
Theory of Love
Why R U? Thailand
Why R U? Korea
(source)
#By Request BL Rec List#BL by request#asked and answered#japanese bl#thai bl#korean bl#taiwanese bl#Bad Buddy#My School President#Semantic Error#seven days the series#I Cannot Reach You#Kimi ni wa Todokanai#light on me#cherry blossoms after winter#Takara-kun and Amagi-kun#blueming#About Youth the series#About Youth#My Love Mix Up#Kieta Hatsukoi#the eclipse the series#destiny seeker
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lou!! how was it? how are you feeling!!
HIIIIII! omg idk where to begin.
i’ve been spending the last four days with Anitra @allwaswell16 and it’s been absolutely amazing! we got to see lots of cool stuff for the first time together, or for the second time in some cases. sometimes it shows when you’ve known a person online for seven years or so bc it’s so easy when it comes to hang out “in real life” 🥹
so anyway, we had been so lucky with mexico city’s traffic for the first two days (even on friday which was also pay day), but yesterday we got to experience the real chaos (and the scam that has become uber), so we couldn’t get there by the time doors opened and we missed Giant Rocks and the special merch for mexico city (Anitra got us merch anyway and we’re twining), but i was mostly sad abt missing my chance to finally meet An @lemelous (we’re going to meet soon so it’s fine but also it would’ve made my night way better that it already was!)
before the show, we got to trade some friendship bracelets and we got the material for the fan projects!
i got to meet in person my friend Fer @fforever-dreaming alongside with Mery @fuchsiasea (who i’m going to see very soon too!) and her sister. we only had a little time to talk but it was definitely one of the parts i was looking forward the most and a highlight of the night.
SO THE SHOW. it’s going to sound cliché but it’s an experience that you have to live it to understand it. that moment when the playlist pre-show suddenly stops and you see the stage is all ready, and then a couple of minutes after the lights go off and you know it’s starting??? priceless! i screamed a lot when Louis came out on stage and i just couldn’t really process it that i was finally seeing him after two long years!!! (which i know it’s a privilege itself bc there’s ppl who haven’t seen him).
when it finally clicked to me that he was there, i noticed the shirt which i LOVED! he looks so beautiful in polo shirts and especially that colour! (i especially loved that it was red bc it’s one of our national colours too).
it felt like it was a song after the other with no breaks. idk how the ppl watching the live-streaming felt but it went too fast! and there were so many emotions in the air! i screamed, i sang, i jumped, i participated in the projects, i teared up a bit during certain parts, I LAUGHED he’s so funny and so grateful for everything, that i just wanted to put him in a pocket and take him with me lol.
i couldn’t tell you which songs i enjoyed the most bc honestly i loved them all. i’m not a person who watches livestreams from fans, and even sometimes the videos i watch them with no audio just to see if i can make gifs from them lol so everything was a surprise for me and i loved it! i didn’t notice we were missing a song until almost at the very end but personally i didn’t need it bc he gave us so much of him already. i definitely wanted to listen to bigger than me bc it was my most listened to song in 2022 and i didn’t want to miss it. but like i said, i loved all the songs, the chats, the projects!!!
a quick parenthesis abt the projects. so originally there were three: sibwawc, walls, and saturdays. what you saw on the videos going around and the kmm project wasn’t talked abt (as far as i know, maybe i’m wrong), but we did it last year (thanks to the chilean fans of course) so i guess everyone knew that part was coming and just did it. like it looked so coordinated but it wasn’t planned (again, as far as i know) before hand. i obviously couldn’t see the rainbow lights from my section bc we were holding the same colour but when i saw the video and i saw that it worked, i loved it. and i guess you’ve seen the video where the crowd screamed “for every question why, you were my because” and it shows the crowd? we formed the mexican flag there. for saturdays i also think the project worked? i haven’t seen videos but if i’m honest i wanted to film that song for my friend who couldn’t be there so i did the project for half the song lol
the fireworks and confetti after silver tongues were so cool! i wasn’t expecting them so i was filming the whole stage and not really zooming on him? so when the fireworks showed up i felt like a child! it was just pure and genuine happiness in that moment.
lately i’ve been enjoying concerts more than when i was younger, idk why, but i scream more and jump more, and just live in the moment. and this concert even if i felt it was too short, it was still one of the best experiences ever!! i love Louis so much and i love my friends! 🫶🏻
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so a while back i made a poll asking if ppl wanted to see my rtc themed bracelets, and y’all said yes! now bc of my goldfish brains, i forgot, but here they are now while i can remember to post them!
ocean:
colors: orange and blue. orange bc of her obc hair color and blue bc.. ocean.
word: changed. despite her attempts at being the winner, ocean had to change her perspective on life and her attitude towards her peers and grew into a more caring person
noel:
color: blood red. look, noel’s lament is usually always done in red lighting, it’s like noel’s main color, the color of passion and romance, it is
word: seen. noel’s wish was to be viewed as tragic, and he never achieved that in life. mischa saw him as tragic as he wished to be, and the others saw the deepest parts of himself he never could show
mischa:
color: green and orange. the green is more “this song is awesome” coded, especially gus halper’s rendition of it. the orange i wanted to based off the soft yellow lighting of talia’s videos bc i love that song
word: burned. negative enough, it shows how mischa favored passion and anger over all else, and when the chances of seeing the one he adored more than anything escaped him, his anger and his love burned him over.
ricky:
color: this kind of super dark purple (idk the official name, sue me). space age bachelor man always was otherworldly and purplish lighting really hit it home so that’s ricky’s color
word: heard. i don’t really need to explain but i will. ricky never got to voice his opinion or say anything due to a disease that took over their life. never getting to express himself in life, in death, they’re finally allowed to say the words he kept inside for so long
jane/penny:
color: green. for savannah’s brilliant green eyes. i had to headcanon ezra also had green eyes, and it’s something jane barely remembered
word: loved. and loved she was. jane had no one and nothing after death, no name, no memories, no head. the choir made her feel loved and accepted, and even as she came back as penny, she probably still felt that love, even if she could never remember where it came from
constance:
color: cotton candy pink and bubblegum blue, the colors of sugar cloud!
word: grown. throughout her life, constance hated living. she was utterly depressed and had no feelings towards the things that used to bring her joy. after death, she grew to remember all the good that came out her life, and found a sort of peace in their deaths.
and that’s all of them you’re welcome byeeeee!
#ride the cyclone#rtc#ocean rtc#ocean o’connell rosenberg#noel rtc#noel gruber#mischa rtc#mischa bachinski#ricky rtc#ricky potts#jane doe rtc#jane rtc#penny rtc#penny lamb#constance rtc#constance blackwood#syds art posts!
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Hi there lovely! How are you? How have you been? I just saw your post about angst thingy, so I thought if I could request Lucifer(hazbin hotel) x angel!Fem!Reader.
Basically Angel! Fem! Reader and angel Lucifer were together in heaven until when Lucifer went to hell. Angel! Fem! Reader couldn't do anything about that (you can add the reason). When years have passed, Angel! Fem! Reader finally had a chance to go and meet again with Lucifer. When she goes to the hell(you can add something like, what has she gone through just to meet him) and meets Lucifer in the Hazbin Hotel, she sees his wife and his daughter. When they both saw each other, she broke down and went outside followed by Lucifer trying to make her stay for a moment to make him explain.
(Idk what about the end, but you can add that the angel! Fem! Reader is happy that Lucifer is happy with his family etc)
Thank you! Have a lovely day/night!! Take care ^^
Lucifer x Angel! reader angst oneshot.
THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA OH MY GOD. Also, just a reminder: I don’t do gendered readers. Thanks!
Today was finally the day. After all this time, all these centuries.
“Lucifer!” You cried out.
He tried to grab your hand, but it was too late. He had done the ultimate sin, and he was going to pay the price. You watched in utter horror as your lovers wings were ripped apart, the cracking and blood-curdling scream were unbearable.
You would finally see him again.
You knew exactly where he had gone, exactly what he had become. So, you made the journey. What you didn’t know is you would be greeted with the sight of him right away, and not just him, but what looked to be his family.
You didn’t know what to do. You reached out a hand to cup his cheek, but he pushed it away. “I.. I’m sorry. You’re truly amazing, but.. I moved on.” He sighed. You felt bittersweet, you had waited all this time just for this. But, at the same time, he was happier like this. And if you truly loved him, you would respect him and his new life.
“Listen,” you sniffled. “I’m just glad you’re happy after all this time, darling..” He looked at you sympathetically, but his face turned bitter. “Don’t call me that.” he spoke, distain on his tongue. You were taken aback, but it was understandable. What you had was in the past now.
But that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. It felt like it was just yesterday the two of you were as close as could be, love’s purest form. You two were made for each other, but the world ripped it away from you without a second thought. It was cruel, but with a heavy heart, you knew you had to accept it. He was with someone else now. Your lives were once intertwined, but they had drifted away. You two were so different from what you used to be, at some point you hit a tear line.
It was hard to accept it, but it was all you could do. “I’m sorry, I’m just..” your words got caught in your throat. “I understand that it’s been a long time, but.. it would’ve been nice if you could’ve given me a heads up.” He glared at you, almost dumbfounded. “Are you serious?” he seethed. “It’s been, god, hundreds of years at this point. What did you expect?” You stared ahead. You were by no means surprised, but his harshness stung.
“I just.. I still love you..” you muttered. He exhaled, “It doesn’t matter. I’ve moved on and you need to do the same.” You gave up at that point. You were happy that he was happy.
“I’m just glad you’re doing okay. It feels good to know there was someone else to take care of you. I hope she’s treating you well, and I’m glad to see you have the family you always wanted.” You said with honesty, though there was a bit of bitterness in your voice for the last part. You two were always dreaming of having a family, but now he’s chosen someone else to have that family with. What a pity.
But alas, you said your goodbyes. It was like he was a rose, with captivating beauty but too many thorns to be a keeper. His thorns tightened around your heart as you left. It was a shame, you would’ve thought that after all this time he’d be at least a little grateful to see you.
On the inside, it meant the word to him. Your support truly put him at ease, all those years weren’t for nothing. Though he may not love you now, you used to be his muse, and for that he respects you.
#lucifer#hazbin hotel#lucifer x reader#angel reader#x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#angst#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer
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==✦CONTINUATION✦==
Part 1- (Lloyd, Kai, Nya, Jay, Cole, Zane)
This is the continuation for my spirit ninjago au (yeah the au doesn't have a proper name yet so I'm just sticking with that) there may be a third part Idk yet, I'm trying to expand a lot but keep my line of thought straight, expecially since I've been playing honkai star rail my imagination as been going on getting a lot of inspiration with that, mostly the paths system the thing is it may not make sence in a timeline because of dates, and honestly I do want to follow that since It makes some sense but I'll see.
==❤︎CHARACTER INFORMATION❤︎==
Skylor Chen Smith
Age- 1000+ (ghost) Died at 96 Height: 5'8½ (1,74m) Status: Kai's wife
A never ending hardworker, Skylor is a dedicated person, even with all that has happened in her life she moves on, "don't let the chains of the past hold you back" is her biggest quote. She still worked at Chen's Noodle House keeping the legacy even after everything, Kai helped even if not has much as she would have liked, but I guess thats a them problem. She is now residing in the cursed realm, the realm of the evil and dead, unfortunately for her the good deeds she practiced were in vain, and even worst for her, her father and clouse were also in the cursed realm, shall she have the pacience to deal with both of them, especially after it got to them that she married one of the ninja, Kai, the worst one in their eyes. Kai visits her in the cursed realm, mostly to hangout and sometimes is able to drag her out of that realm and spend sometimes in the living world.
==꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶︶꒦꒦︶︶꒷꒦==
Morro Wu
Age- 1000+ (ghost) Died in his 20's Height: 6'4 (1,93m)
The people call him "the ashamed" as all that proceeds him as been the shame in his previous actions, a anti-hero. He stills remembers the day he was given a third and/or even fourth chance at redemption, he was in the cursed realm, sulking and poving his power the both new and old ghosts, when Lloyd appered in front of him, he had his arm extanded to him waiting for Morro to take it, Morro was mad but he had to let go at some point, right? So he did, and after a danger in Ninjago that even the Ninja had been spread a little too tin to deal with, Morro joined the battle, but due to him being a little rusty Lloyd gave him a bit of his power, with that the battle was won; to Morro's suprise Lloyd never toke the power back and instead insisted that Morro joined the Ninja becoming the 7th ninja. The rest of the team wasn't too pleased with this, but even soo, who are they to question Lloyd's decision…
==꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶︶꒦꒦︶︶꒷꒦==
Garmadon
Age- 2000+ (ghost) Died in his 1000's Height (Before death) : 7'3 (2,21m) Height (After death) : 6'4 (1,93m) Status: Misako's husband and Lloyd's father
A tarnished name for sure, all that he has are distante memories of his horrible actions; being separated in two halfs after being revived is sure to bring conflict; one remained in the cursed realm, mostly wandering around, missing his family to no end, and the other was destroying anything that could be considered family. When the half in the living realm died, in came the extended influx of memories that didn't belong to him but at the same time did, he didn't know what to make of it the harm and despair he caused after long having accepted what he had done before- it was too much. But in the depths of that new memory… he could only smile; after everything died down and the living Garmadon stayed alongside Lloyd- the father and son moments he had only dreamed of ever being true had become reality, the laughter and genuine love he felt coming from and with his son, made him the happiest man in the cursed realm; after all he was givin a couple 100 years by his families side until he finally passed away, he made sure every moment counted. Even his marrige had healed to some degree. Now, in the present, Garmadon makes sure to have frequent visits to Lloyd, even if Morro is his only way there, the routine is quite fine for the both of them, Garmadon gets to visit his son and Morro always prefered the quiet atmosphere of the island, where the monestary is currently on. And truth be told, Garmadon, for sure, has given both Morro and Harumi a good death stare for the things they have done to his son, reasonably so.
==꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶︶꒦꒦︶︶꒷꒦==
Harumi
Age- 1000+ (ghost) Died in her 30's Height: 5'11 (1,80m)
Harumi, often refered as the "wicked princess", in the living she owns a place in the new and improved "hall of villains", while in the dead she continuasly has an aura around her, even if she emitted regret in her past life, now she was surrounded by people who only sang praises about what she accomplished; after all now the people around her were as morally deranged as she was, if not even more. Unfortunatly for her, or fortunatly for the speck of regret she still holds, Morro had long been made aware of what she has done and due to him having to show that he has some moral grounds to be able to continue have the amount of power he was given, he keeps tabs on her and reminds her that she is supposed to be upset at all the praise. And to the new Garmadon she encountered in the cursed realms? A lot of mixed feelings for sure, either way, Morro just makes sure Harumi doesn't get to close.
==✿ADDITIONAL INFORMATION✿==
Skylor and Kai often just walk around Ninjago and think about the past, very old people style; The others tend to comment on their behavior but their stupidity just gets ignored not a whole lot can bring this woman's confidence down.
Kai was very self-conscious about his old lookin' self, Skylor would just make this man's ego go through the roof at times.
Morro, Garmadon have been living in the same home for a while, Harumi just kinda made herself at home, already knowing Morro from a previous prison visit from Lloyd, and just didn't bother giving a reason to why she was there, and Morro just ended up so feed up with kicking her out everytime that he just gave up.
Lloyd has Garmadon's, Misako's and Wu's graves at the end of the backward, beautifully siting under a weeping, tree very well taken care of. Garmadon often wonders if his body is really there or if it's just a memorial (he doesn't really want to check or ask Lloyd about it).
Many attempts at Morro's life have been made, mostly coming from Nya and Kai (water doesn't kill him persay but it sure hurts a whole lot), Jay just annoys him at any moment given, Cole and Zane give him side glances and try not to be hostile, and Lloyd well, his relationship with him has for sure gotten better, time can often heal wounds left by past actions; they often help eachother without much complain, and if there is, it mostly comes from Morro pretending to be upset.
Morro often pretends to despise Lloyd but he does actually care for him; Lloyd is very aware of Morro's true feelings thanks to the power connecting them both, so he just disregards the behavior.
Morro uses Lloyd as a human shield /aff, most of the times he's just possession Lloyd and hanging around but not willing to interact.
Harumi had a redepction arc inside prison and Lloyd would visit occasionally, sometimes he would have Morro with him, that's how they knew eachother, first time they met tho, let's just say, they weren't all too friendly with eachother.
Yes, Harumi died inside the prison, how? Idk, someone didn't like her I guess.
I should mention that most of Ninjago citizens are completly aware of the Ninja's past, mostly due to Cloud Kingdom just releasing many books each with one of the ninja's story, and after years those books were re-written many times and it may have become a game of broken telephone.
That is also why, the people of Ninjago are to the full extent aware of the Harumi's actions, and let's just say Lloyd's die hard fans aren't too happy.
#lego ninjago#my art#butterfly's art#reference sheet#spirit ninjago au#art#ninjago#ninjago au#ninjago garmadon#lord garmadon#sensei garmadon#misako montgomery garmadon#garmadon ninjago#ninjago harumi#princess harumi#morro wu#morro ninjago#ninjago morro#skylor chen#ninjago skylor
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First Meet
guess what? mightyfelys! this time they're not eating cheese, though! backstory stuff! idk!!!!!!
———
...My memories are a little fuzzy, but I sort of remember that day.
Back then, when I was still some pathetic young man who always hated the life that I lived, I met someone.
Someone who felt like the light in my dark world.
He was the one who made me realize that maybe, just maybe—life is worth living, after all.
On that day, I was alone. Sitting at a park's bench, sulking silently. I think I got into an argument with one of my caretakers on that day...? I can't clearly remember it, but I think that's the main reason why I was initially so sad that day. I can't remember the main reason, though. Something about how I wanted to go out and live on my own, away from...some form of abuse I was facing back at home?
Home?
What was my home like?
I...I don't remember...
Eventually, this beautiful, gorgeous, absolutely handsome young man came up to me and comforted me. It felt embarrassing once I'm looking back at it. The first time I met the one man who would eventually be my life companion forever was the one time I was literally vulnerable back then. Damn, I definitely held in my emotions a lot back in the day.
Back in the day, as in so many centuries ago.
He asked me my name, I think. I don't remember my old name, but I told him that name. He then introduced himself—oh, Felys...it truly was and will always be a name that makes me happy whenever I hear someone say it. It's just- such a beautiful name for an equally beautiful man like him.
After that, we spent the day together. He treated me to this one restaurant that's just so fancy. I sort of forgot that he was pretty rich back then. I guess that's the perks of being in a rich family.
We hung out regularly ever since—y'know, just so that I can get away from that abusive household I was in, and so that I can at least shoot a shot at him. For fuck's sake, I was so head over heels for him even before becoming a God. It's funny.
Though, one day, around a year after we first met, he suddenly came to me, literally on the verge of tears. He just hugged me so tightly, that I felt like I was dreaming. After he calmed down, he told me his parents got into an accident, and they didn't exactly survived it either. I felt bad, I really did. By that point, he'll have to live alone. It's sad, to say the least.
Days after that, the incident involving Ms. Paradox happened. Around that time, I also got really horribly sick—but it wasn't like my caretakers really gave a shit about me and the other kids to begin with.
...Other kids?
Did I have siblings?
Gah...I don't remember either.
My sickness got really bad the following days, though. It was to the point where sometimes, I found myself struggling to breath. It was...definitely a horrifying experience.
Amidst the whole thing with Ms. Paradox, I ran away from home out of fear. I couldn't exactly stay strong any longer, though, so by the time Ms. Tsunagite already stopped Ms. Paradox's bullshit, I had already passed.
It's...a shame I went out like that, but hey, I got a second chance to life in some way, so it's fine, I guess.
But...during those final moments, besides wishing for a better life...
...
I...sort of wished I got to see Felys again for the last time.
Though, that wish got granted not too long after.
———
Resting his hands on the railing, Felys silently looks at the view below him.
It had been awhile since he last heard anything from [REDACTED]. The last thing he heard from him was that he was sick. After that? Nothing. Admittedly enough, Felys is worried about [REDACTED]'s well-being. Sometimes he finds himself thinking about [REDACTED], wondering how he is now.
Guess that was probably the last he heard of him.
With that last thought in mind, Felys' face grimaces. He doesn't like the possibility of [REDACTED] being dead, he really doesn't. But there's a high chance it's true, so what is he supposed to do about it?
First his parents, now [REDACTED].
Who else is he supposed to lose in his life?
Felys definitely feels like crying right now, but the tears just won't come out.
It just sort of hurts right now—
"Hey."
A voice suddenly calls, which made Felys jolt up in surprise. He quickly turns to look at the source of the voice, only to find a man with a halo hovering his head and a peculiar necklace, sitting on the railing beside him. He seems to be looking right back at him, a smile on his face. Oddly enough, he looks a lot like [REDACTED], but at the same time, Felys knows that isn't him.
"H-huh-?" Felys stammers, looking at the man beside him with wide eyes. "U-uh..." He really doesn't know what to say at this rate, only nervously waiting for the man to say something else. The man chuckles, before finally speaking up, "You looked lonely, so I thought I could fix that problem for you~"
He definitely has a personality that is drastically different from [REDACTED].
"O-oh...uh...thanks, I guess...?" Felys replies, before asking, "But...who are you, exactly?" The man thought about his answer for a bit, before grinning widely at the other man. "Hehe, why, I'm your God, of course!" That answer shocked Felys more than it should have.
"What...?!"
"Yeah! Your God—The One Who Transcends All! The one and only; Amazing Mightyyyy!!!!"
"E-eh?!?!?!?!?!"
It took a little bit to calm Felys down, but once he did calmed down, he could only nervously look up to the much more taller man standing before him right now. "Uh...so! You're really Amazing Mighty himself?" He asks, and Amazing Mighty crosses his arms pridefully. "Why yes~ The one and only!"
"Oh- oh shit- I didn't think that I'd meet a literal God—let alone The One Who Transcends All...!" Felys then quickly bows at Amazing Mighty, trying his best to showcase his respect. The God was taken aback by that, before chuckling. It's a little cute to see a citizen of his act like this. "Nah~ No need to bow! I'm all good as long as it's you."
Felys then rises up again, looking at Amazing Mighty with clear confusion in his eyes. "What?" Amazing Mighty smiles at him, both hands behind his back as he takes at least one step closer towards the human. "I'm fine. Thank you for your respect, though~ Mind if I accompany you here? I don't want a beloved citizen of mine to be lonely."
"...Sure. Why not? Thank you, sir."
"Ah...don't call me by honorifics! Be as casual with me as you'd like!"
"But you're-"
"No buts! I am your God, so you must obey my wantings!"
"Y-yes, Mighty!"
"That's much better~"
———
To think that I would actually meet him again...
It felt like a miracle.
#(writing)hesia#arthesias ocs#rhymix: writing#the one who transcends all! ★: amazing mighty (oc)#peaceful yet lonely: felys (oc)#ship tag: a god and a human...quite unexpected.#with just lil mention of tsunapando lol
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Well, as someone who saw Izzy's death coming from around episode 4, I can say I considered him a dead man walking from the moment he failed at shooting himself, and it became clearer to me during Calypso's birthday. For me, his shot failing that time was just life giving him one last chance to die happy instead of miserable, for him to say "Well I can't even die properly so might as well try living different", and he understood that when the crew gave him the wooden leg. Izzy's last days were about coming into terms with himself, finding out he was capable of changing and enjoying life in terms he didn't ever imagine. And as soon as he understood that, as soon as he allowed himself to be happy, life said "Ok, good boy, you learned what you were supposed to learn, now you are ready" and he died. And yes, it's quite a sad, unfair ending, but also a beautiful one from my point of view. He didn't get to be happy for long, but he got to be happy for a moment, and for some people that is plenty, specially for a pirate.
"But they didn't even mourn him!" - HBO cut them 2 episodes short, and the whole finale felt rushed and off rythm, so yeah, I bet they could have given more gravity to his death, but then again, they're pirates, and death is part of the business, so they must be pretty quick with grief.
"His death was unnecesary" Yeah, maybe. He didn't die saving anybody's life or killing the big bad guy. That's how deaths are sometimes. And I understand it's hard when they kill off your comfort character in such a cold way, but that's fiction for you, characters are gonna die, specially in a pirate show, and you're not gonna like it, you get to be sad and angry, but you gotta be a grownup about it man, you can't be claimimg wild shit like "they disrespected you as an audience", bc they don't owe you shit in the first place, least of all comfort. This is a show with many beloved characters, and I'm willing to bet my left leg that no matter who they'd kill, people would have been furious about it and ready to call some outdated problematic trope on it. Idk man, Some people need to understand that creators don't owe you perfect endings (bc they don't exist, no matter what you do, someone somewhere is gonna hate it) and most stories have bitter parts to it, just like life.
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Alrighty, time to suck it up and share some headcanons for Cultist Sim and (to a lesser degree) Book of Hours! Warning, this might be kinda on the long side, heh, even if I don't have much to share...
For context, these aren't like, interpretations of the Cultist/Legacies or the Librarian as how they're shown in game. I've seen much better readings on the quality of the character of the, well, player character, heh. I wouldn't really consider this all "AU" stuff either? It's more just, the stories or interpretations I came up with during my own playthroughs! (With that in mind, there are a few Legacies I haven't finished, and I've barely begun scraping the surface of BoH, but I promise to try and get around to things when/where I can!)
Feel free to ask questions either here or through Asks, I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on things, give me a chance to expand on my own stories/whatever!
Base Legacies:
I don't really have too much for the base game's legacies, it's mostly because I haven't played them in so long, I might need a refresher to actually come up with anything more than how I Ascended them and a bare-bones "why?" Sorry they don't have much in the ways of solid stories...
- The Aspirant: I decided he would Ascend through Forge, as one of the only Legacies that doesn't stumble his way into occultism, instead purposefully searching it out, it feels like this little wretch would be perfectly comfortable with a "might makes right" approach, and a justification for any sacrifices that might need to be made.
- Bright Young Thing: For me, the BYT's rich/lavish lifestyle felt right at home for falling prey to Grail. She already indulges her impulses, living life on a whim, so why not take it to an extreme? If life's already practically been handed to her on a silver platter, it felt only right that she'd eventually find comfort engaging in the stranger vices.
- The Physician: This one felt like they'd fit in pursuing a Lantern path. Someone scholarly, (I'd imagine) often involved the endings and beginnings of life, who couldn't help but record the ramblings of one of their final patients. Driven by curiosity's sake, and the tug of the call of "invisible lights," he'd explore and study and learn as much about this invisible new world as they could, taking it as far as they can.
- The Detective: My headcanon for the Detective isn't too exciting, but I think it's a little sweet. Personally, I'd like to believe it and its mundane/minor victory (Ambition's Tide) follow the actions of our (or at least my) boy Douglas (aka the Weary Detective). We're going to absolutely ignore that he is the first/default Hunter, one that you can technically even get as the Detective, if you produce any reputation cards. I like to place this after the first three Legacies and their corresponding Apostle runs. Imagining that the cults probably disbanded with their leader(s) in the Mansus and the Apostle(s) also having gone off and done their things (depending on the actions of the Cultist, the number of followers may have dwindled a bit too, due to sacrifices or "necessary casualties." So, because of all that, Douglas is essentially just finally able to nab a ne'er-do-well, and get the promotion/retirement he deserves. Maybe he finally has a chance to spend time with the spouse and kids (if he has any) ^-^
- The Apostles: I'm grouping these three together, because I haven't actually played them yet, so I don't know their stories, and because of that, I don't have anything to really expand on…
DLC Legacies:
- The Priest: Like the Apostles, I haven't played them either... All I've really got is that scars are associated with certain Aspects (Edge, Knock, and Winter) so... Transmasc Priest with two of his/their Lock-Scars being top surgery scars? Idk, it's really not much...
- The Exile: We'll get back to him once I finish playing the Exile Legacy and Book of Hours as the Executioner. It'll make sense, I promise! ;)
Now, these next two get special attention because I love them so much, for no good reason lmao. Firstly, I've decided these two are siblings (maybe twins? I like it thematically but also I think it'd maybe make more sense for the Dancer to be the older sibling? I'm not sure!) who were separated at a young age.
- The Dancer: She (Lyra, in my game, heh) is absolutely trans, in my mind! The themes of change and shedding your old form really has trans undertones to me, heh. In my mind, the Dancer has been running from her old self and life for years now. A trans youth, rejected by their parents, forced to eke out an existence as best they can, I could see it making sense that she finds her way towards dancing for clubs. Stuck in an unpleasant/unfulfilling life, she'd be intrigued by Sulochana's tempting offer of change. Follow along down the balance ending, falling into service of the Meniscate by being too balanced between change and eternity. (I still need to work on why she specifically goes down balance, rather than pure Moth or Heart...)
- The Medium: The Dancer's sister on the other hand, is Elise, the Painter, the Medium, and the Ghoul. Now, I know that "painter," isn't technically one of her titles, but with how the route ends, and the personal challenge I set for myself, I think it's fitting! (context: I went to the trouble of painting every masterpiece, and only ever summoned spirits by using paintings, since I thought it was cool if she painted these otherworldly beings into the world.) Now, Elise's motivation for falling into occult trappings is two fold: she wants to find her sibling and she's a disaster lesbian. Starting with the queerness first, I think the Medium is an absolutely silly, pathetic, wet cat lesbian. Her interactions with Miss Naenia, especially when sharing a joyful memory, just feels so very gay lol. And I think this does lead into her other reason, whether there's any truth to it when she says it, Miss Naenia promises she can, in a way, help the siblings reunite. The Medium remembers her sibling, but not well. She remembers their parents anger, driving her sibling to run away, but not why. She can barely remember their face, they were so young and the details blur... She wants to remember. To find them. It's an itch at the back of her mind, a want to not be herself alone. Unrelated to her motivation, but I think my Medium specifically was very prone to illness as a child. Sickly, and pale in the way of one who has not or chooses not to see the Sun, she was probably kept confined to her room for most of her childhood, meaning she wouldn't have known exactly what her parents were angry about, or why she can't remember whether she had a brother or sister. For occult stuffs, the Tower of Doves cult felt fitting, being dedicated to "what is lost and may yet return." Maybe the Medium hopes to paint her sibling back to her? I'd also like to imagine she avoids sending her strange and creepy women "who are silent" to murder anybody, (because I had that as another challenge, and) Elise/my Medium didn't feel like a malicious soul. She doesn't want to have to eat the dead unless she absolutely has to, and there are graveyards and ruin scraps for that. (I've got nothing for eating a Decrepitude or King Crucible though, vore I guess lol) By the end of the run she will wander the Mansus, remembering the forgotten Hours, and she will not end before her time. And perhaps, one day, she will find her sibling.
Now, I realize there's maybe some unintentional parallels to the Witch-and-the-Sister and the Sister-and-the-Witch. I didn't intend for the siblings to be one soul as two/two who are one, or anything like that, but I don't hate the idea either? (Also, very sorry if these aren't actually all that interesting, or if this clutters/takes away from actual posts more relevant to the game...)
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☕️ my best girl forever & ever luz noceda!!!
The protagonist ever!!! I love Luz so much!!! She's such a fun subversion of the "plucky girl heroine" thing that media really likes.
She's upbeat and silly and clumsy and hyper and cuddly and a sweetheart and everything you'd expect from that kind of character. But she's so much more than that. Luz is an insightful, curious and imaginative person who loves to create and learn. She's a brilliant artist!! She wants to be a writer when she grows up!!!
I've always adored the very realistic angle they took with her, being an adhd riddled teen who struggles in a typical school environment and how she uses fantasy books and fanfiction and anime as a form of escapism and how it gets to the somewhat unhealthy point where she has a hard time separating her coping mechanism from the world around her. It's just. It's so real. It hits.
And then!! And then!!! Luz actually does escape to a real living breathing fantasy world and she thinks this will be her opportunity to live out her YA protag dreams. But ironically, this fantasy world is the place that actually helps her to come to terms with the complexities of the real world. Like. She didn't exactly get what she wanted. But she got what she needed.
Her whole struggle with wishing she could be special. A "chosen one" but she's so consumed with fantasy tropes that she struggles to see things the way they are. But she learns!!! She learns to accept herself as nobody especially important and decides to make an impact on the world herself, rather than wait for somebody to give her a destiny. Idk I feel like it's a lovely lesson for kids.
And then once she accepts that she really starts to flourish!! Luz would not have made it this far in the series if she wasn't the person she was. She's so smart!! She figures out the mechanisms of glyphs and how they work. She experiments and tinkers until she masters all the tricks of the technique.
She wanted to be a witch so bad but she initially felt limited because she didn't have biological magic. But that's Luz!! She does stuff in her own way!!! She thinks outside the box!!!
She means a lot to me. A neurodivergent teen girl who's always felt so isolated in the world she was living in finally getting the chance to form real emotional bonds with people who care about her for the whacky messy flawed but genuine person that she is.
Just. Luz still having Camila and adoring her but there's still such a poignant emptiness left in her life after Manny's death. And Manny will never be replaced. But it must be so therapeutic for her to form those new familial bonds. Not only does Luz have Camila, but she now has Eda and King and Hooty and Lilith and Vee and Hunter AND AND AND!!!!
Luz being a social pariah at school at best and being bullied at worst, now having friends her own age like Willow and Gus who are also outcasts at school and welcome her with nothing but love. And they get to have all those fun teen experiences together that they've always been left out of!!!! The way Luz is so affectionate with them, calling them cuties and her babies and squishing their faces. Man it's awful thinking about her never having friends before this. There's so much love pent up in her and she's finally getting an outlet for it.
Luz, after being mocked relentlessly at school for being "cheesy" falling in love with a girl who is just as sappy and sentimental as she is who adores her antics and blushes from her smooches and flirting and its just!!! And getting to see Luz, this silly yet insecure and still deeply troubled girl navigate her very first romantic relationship and the mutual care and consideration they have towards each others' trauma....ohhh it's so sweet!! I love her!! I love them!!! The way they have the complete freedom to be their cringe sappy book nerd selves with each other because they found their cringe soulmate. Mwah. Lumity I'd go to war for you.
I LOVE LUZ NOCEDA!!!!!!!
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1862
So, how's adulting treating you in the 2020s? Are you smashing those expectations, or do you just wanna Netflix and chill all day? I did way better than the expectations I set for myself. First of all – I'm 26 and I'm still alive. I never thought I would make it past 21. That's an empowering realization to have.
I've been promoted every single year since first getting employed in 2020; I hold a title at work I never thought I would ever be qualified for, and reached it at 25. I got over my biggest source of grief and used it to reach the happiest I've ever been. I have a much, MUCH smaller group of friends now, but in them I've found my ride-or-dies. I've learned to embrace being single because it means I get to be the cool rich aunt and spend my money on whatever food or hobby on the weekends. I've stopped comparing myself to other people and it has brought me peace like nothing I've ever felt. I think I'm doing pretty great.
Remember all the fads and trends from the 2010s? Which one makes you cringe the most when looking back now? The Coachella indie girl look with the muscle tees, denim shorts, rompers etc sort of look looked super cute and cool back then, but with trends changing and all it also feels ever so slightly cringe now. Cringe in an endearing way more than anything, but still.
Idk, I don't really find a lot of things from that time embarrassing now. I was in high school then, so I took part or consumed most of those trends and I'll always look back on them fondly.
In the 2020s, are you living the glamorous life you thought all adults had in the 2010s, or is it more like trying to keep houseplants alive and failing miserably? No. Adults are also just figuring out themselves, and that's okay. I don't think that will ever stop.
Tell us about a moment in the 2010s when you thought you were the coolest kid on the block, but looking back, you were just as awkward as the rest of us. Making my relationship my entire personality.
So, do you adult better with a fancy planner and color-coded schedules, or are you just winging it with Post-it notes and sheer luck? I take it day by day. I do and decide whatever I feel like doing and deciding at the moment.
In the 2020s, have you finally mastered the art of adulting, or do you still have an impressive collection of takeout menus and not a clue about cooking? Oh if you mean like chores, I'm pretty behind lol. It's part of why I plan to move to BGC – everything has a service there. I think being as far away from home as possible would also help straighten me up and force me to fend for myself, and I need that.
Looking back on the 2010s, what was the cringiest song you couldn't stop listening to on your iPod, and did you ever dare to sing it in public? AJ Lee's theme is forever a bop within the wrestling world but I wouldn't ever play it to my friends or sing it out loud haha. It's so endearingly niche.
Are you living the dream of having a fabulous wardrobe that puts fashion bloggers to shame, or is your closet a chaotic mix of hand-me-downs and sale-rack finds? It's chaotic in a sense that my style changes from day to day.
Do you miss the simpler times of the 2010s when social media was all about posting selfies, or are you loving the meme culture that dominates the 2020s? The memes get more hilarious as time passes, and those I have no problem with. It's the peace, the non-conflict, the everyone's-just-here-to-fuck-around vibes on social media. Twitter is a world away from what it used to be.
Tell us your most epic "adulting fail" moment that made you wish you could just teleport back to your carefree teenage years. It's not really one specific moment, but I've regretted corporate-slaving my life away. Especially in my earlier work years where I was very career-driven, missing out on family lunches or the chances to go out with friends...it's those moments that make me long for my younger years when I studied during the day but still had time to hang out with my college friends and my girlfriend at the time. In any case, turning 25 turned on a switch in me and I have been prioritizing my life over work ever since, so that's a nice learning, I guess.
How do you balance being a responsible adult in the 2020s and still secretly longing for the reckless fun you had in the 2010s? Eh, I don't really need to? I don't actively miss my time in the 2010s. It was fun while it lasted, but we're here now and I'm going to focus on what makes me happy now.
Confess your most significant guilty pleasure from the 2010s that you can't believe you indulged in. No judgment here! 1D fanfiction maybe lol? I wasn't in deep like most fans and I don't understand most references still getting thrown today, but I did read a couple.
Do you have a "best worst" purchase from the 2010s that you still can't believe you spent money on? Can it just be the worst haha? Probably just all the gas I spent for my ex, driving her everywhere – to dates, to her house, to her dorm.
In the 2020s, have you upgraded your hangover-curing skills from greasy fast food to some sophisticated avocado toast? Nah I will still look for greasy stuff.
What's your go-to dance move when you hit the dance floor in the 2020s, and did it come from an embarrassing attempt in the 2010s? I don't dance.
How do you cope with adulting burnout in the 2020s, and does it involve a secret stash of chocolate or a Netflix binge? I find a lowkey coffee shop tucked away in the middle of nowhere, turn on DND on my phone, and read.
Share the most hilariously awkward Zoom moment you had during the great pandemic of the 2020s. I've never had an awkward on-cam moment, fortunately.
Looking back on the 2010s, what was the weirdest internet challenge you participated in, and did you regret it immediately? I wouldn't call it weird but my sophomore (or was it freshman?) class did the Harlem Shake challenge on the last day of school. I wouldn't call it cringe or be embarrassed by it though. It's cute to think about now.
Have you finally embraced the fact that you're an adult, or do you still find yourself wishing you had Hermione Granger's time-turner to go back to simpler times? I miss the freedom in youth, but I prefer to focus on the now because as much as I long for it, it'll never come back.
So, did you ever jump on the "juice cleanse" bandwagon in the 2010s, and did you last more than a day before devouring a pizza? No I was like 15 and weighed 90 lbs lol.
How do you handle those moments in the 2020s when you feel like you're just a kid pretending to be an adult? Cry it out if I need to, but trudge along anyway and hope that I learn something from the whatever it is I need to do.
In the 2010s, what was your worst fashion faux pas that you wish had never seen the light of day? Statement shirts.
Are you now the queen or king of adulting, doling out life advice like Oprah, or are you still secretly calling your mom for help with laundry? I have no shame asking my parents for help. They won't be around forever, so I like having them around as much as I can.
Looking ahead to the rest of the 2020s, what are your hopes and dreams for your adulting journey, and how will you embrace the chaos with a sense of humor? I would just love to be able to travel the world. And be the aunt that sneaks my nieces/nephews out for ice cream or pizza after school.
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not a vent but it is a ramble of personal things but
im seriously so so like... shocked idk. i didnt expect this to happen. it seems like its really gonna happen. but im nervous. theres been times before where it was like. my mom was talking about how he might not be allowed 2 live here anymore and i was so hyped but then nothing came of it. i cant have that happen again. im 21 years old man. and i dont have a life because of the shit living arrangements we have going on bc of him. if hes really fed up and leaving this is gonnabe so fucking huge.......... like i said before i want his room so i can expand my waifu shrines 😈 ... lol. im being lighthearted. i seriously had 0 hope for a while. and idk. i once had a serious breakdown in front of my mom wherre i admitted that i felt like i was genuinely gonna end up killing him. and tbh i thought that there was a chance that ended up being the only way out. im really happy if this is true and im getting an actual happy ending for once. ive been. wanting this so desperately since i was a kid guys. seriously. i hate that man so much. hes a disgusting abusive asshole with 0 compassion + he m*lested me. hes got mad health problems that my mom manages for him and i wonder if shes worried about how he'll do on his own with that. personallly i dont care. i dont care. i want him out. i dont want my mama being his caregiver nomore. cruel cruel man. for all my life ive watched that man degrade her ans berate her and expect her to serve him afterwards ..... ive had to deal with overhearing him harassing her for never having sex with him.. which is something that was always extra painful for me because of my own sexual trauma.... theres honna be a lot of scary changes like my mom says i have to get a job again. im really not not good at working due to my disabilities. but i could hold a job for a year before i ended up losing it. it was very trauamtic. i dont want to work again. but i will be freed from the familial agony. its a lot guys. seriously. ive been so so so isolated and disconnected from eberything and everyone because of it for all my life. ive never been able to truly be a person because of it. it became my job to help my mother emotionally and mentally to degrees that no child really should havr to because she had no one else. i dont fault or resent her at all for that and im happy to defend her and help her and listen to her. its a lot though and especially when i was younger. also
ill probably do drugs less often because i wont be trying to drown out another fight theyre having.
im nervous because im a a psychotic autistic agoraphobic and i will have to be going outside now. but. i will be going outside now... which means having a life. my mom will be with me still. i will still live with her and probably will most my life because of my circumstances. but i love her. im okay with having to maybe do some scary things because of that. dude. theres a convention near me soon that i was hoping to go to. i kinda just had it as a pipe dream though. because basiclaly i have no ability or opportunities to leave the house. but now i will. im really hopping that this is rwal and i'll be able to go... its my goal. i want to make a misty monsoon cosplay. i really do. im crying rn bexause im just so excited to get a chance at things. trust me thougu im still gonna be a asocial shutin first and foremost. dont worry guys i wont be abandoning you. im a dedicated poster. but you know. im gonna be posting under better circumstances inshallah.
also this is a lot for me spiritually. my dad is heavily islamophobic and ive not been able to safely be open because of him. ive prayed and prayed a lot to allah to help make things to where i can finally do that. i really really feel like allah has given me a great gift here im so happy allahu akbar
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