#but also: please be aware of my priorities and that every author is different and not all of us come back to every idea

[boundinparchment]

.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

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Hello Mojo, hope you're doing well and that you had a good break! I wanted to signal boost the MDZS May Diaspora event collection on AO3, and point out my favorite fic from there: 归心似箭 | Longing to Go Home by dragongirlG! It's both tender and bittersweet and it features such mature writing. The author got some hate for it when it initially got posted so I wanted to counter that and give it some love instead! [Who would do such a thing?!  @dragongirlg-fics I’m sorry that happened to you, and here, have *so many hugs!* I’ll try to do a thing just for the diaspora event, but meanwhile, I’ll just treat this as a follower rec.]

归心似箭 | Longing to Go Home

by dragongirlG (M, 8k, wangxian)

Summary:  The destruction of the Yin Tiger Seal does not kill Wei Wuxian; it ages him instead. He takes shelter in a cave expecting to die, but instead he lives, slowly learning to embrace life with each new day.

Thirteen years later, a young man with a Lan forehead ribbon stumbles into the cave. His name is Lan Sizhui.

~*~

Hi Momjo!!! I recently read the most *adorable* fic, and I loved it so much that it dragged me out of seclusion (read: social anxiety cave) to rec it. It's called 'Covered in Bees' by ScarlettStorm in which the Cloud Recesses is an apiary, and Wei Wuxian has suddenly found himself host to a swarm of bees. ~ @akyra-talanoa

Covered in Bees

by ScarlettStorm (T, 8k, wangxian)

Summary: “Cloud Reccesses Apiary,” says a toneless, deep masculine voice, with zero question in it. Wei Ying doesn’t care, because whoever possesses that voice is probably going to come save him from bees like a fucking hero while wearing like, a suit of armor. That’s what you wear to catch bees, right?

“I have like, so many bees outside my front door right now,” he says, mouth running out ahead of him before he can even begin to think about reining it in. “It’s like a sandstorm of bees out there. There are so many bees. I got out of my car and there were just bees and I don’t want these bees. Do you want these bees? Please tell me you will come get these bees. I can’t leave my house and I have enough food for maybe a week but then I’m gonna have to learn how to cook dry beans and no one wants that, especially not me.” Wei Ying runs out of air, takes a breath, and belatedly adds, “My name is Wei Ying. Hi.”

Or: The beekeeping AU that no one asked for.

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Hi, you are a bless to this fandom. Your blog feels like a library, so thoroughly arranged and always within hand reach. [Thank you, wow!]  Recently, I was going through Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn is a Wēn tag and came across a fanfic, it has 3 chapters till now and is so intriguing that i thought to recommend it to you. I don't know if I can recommend or if you have already checked the story, The legendary Phoenix and his Dragon by Devipriya. I am in love with this story. I hope you will enjoy it too, do check it out

The legendary Phoenix and his Dragon

by Devipriya (T, 7k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wen Wuxian, the essence of who he is, he is a naughty child, a prankster, an enchanting dizi player, a graceful dancer, an irresistible lover, a truly valiant warrior, a ruthless vanquisher of his foes, a man who left a broken heart in every home, an astute statesman and kingmaker, a thorough gentleman, a righteous individual of the highest order, and the most colorful incarnation.

He has been seen, perceived, understood and experienced in many different ways by different people. Different people saw different facets of who he is. For some, he is God. For some, he is a crook. For some, he is a lover. For some, he is a fighter. He is so many things.

But the phoenix, seen from the eyes of time was just a playful man. A man who plays with his awareness, with his imagination, with his memory, with his life, with his death. An individual who does not just dance with somebody. He dances with life. He dances with his enemy, He dances with the one he loves, He dances even at the moment of his death.

To taste an essence of who is Wen Wuxian, be with me in the journey of exploration, NO! playful exploration of life of a playful man.

~*~

Hi! Thanks for running this blog, it's helped me find so many fics. For your next follower recs post, I wanted to rec "This love like a flood, a fire, a fear" by natcat5. Its summary is vague (which I suspect is why it isn't better known) but it is a beautiful retelling of canon from LWJ's POV with slight canon divergence. I love the author's characterization of him and the prose is gorgeous. It is easily my favorite fic in the entire fandom, and I don't say that lightly. ~ @nyanja14

This love like a flood, a fire, a fear

by natcat5 (M, 57k, wangxian, lan wangji & lan xichen)

Summary:  “I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch everything go wrong.”   - Lemony Snicket

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i came to this ask to rec this baseball one called "Waiting for Spring" by thievinghippo on ao3. It somehow made me care about baseball soooo 'nough said ~ @scifikimmi

Waiting for Spring

by thievinghippo (E, 131, wangxian)

Summary:  “It is a well-known fact across the major leagues that one does not smack Lan Wangji’s ass.”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. Everyone smacks everyone’s ass in baseball. It’s how the game is played. Lan Wangji does not get to be exempt from this most sacred of baseball traditions.

Wei Wuxian will make sure of that.

Or, a Major League Baseball AU

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hi mojo! i wanted to rec Something Good by boxoftheskyking (a loose sound of music/canon divergence au) and also MDZS: The Golden Engine by iffervescent (immortal wangxian modern au where they gotta solve a mystery and save china, featuring jiang cheng/lan xichen)

Something Good

by boxoftheskyking (T, 43k, wangxian)

Summary:  "That Wei Wuxian, you know he used to be such a promising cultivator. Head Disciple of the Jiang Clan, can you believe it? You see, juniors, the punishment for traveling the path of demonic cultivation. No golden core, not so much as a whisper of spiritual power."

As a punishment for real and imagined crimes, Wei Wuxian is sentenced to work at Cloud Recesses as the lowest of servants. When a surprising reassignment lands him with eleven children to care for, everything changes again.

A Sound of Music AU

MDZS: The Golden Engine

by iffervescent (E, 82k, wangxian, xicheng)

Summary:  In the modern era, immortals Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian return to Gusu. New evil and old friends + new friends and old evils.

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Hi Mojo! First of all let me just tell you that you are amazing and this blog is like a gift from the gods! Bless you and your endless patience and hard work. [Oh, thank you so much!]  I know that you have just accepted follower recs and I have missed miserably but I still wanted to write and bring attention to a writer by the pseudo Xiao_Hua on ao3, I think they are quite good and I just recently found the account with so much content. If you do have the time to check them out, I'd rec catfish, my fox or the red ribbon.

The Red Ribbon

by Xiao_Hua (M, 21k, wangxian, TGCF crossover)

Summary:  Wei WuXian died but not before saving HanGuang-Jun and A-Yuan, leaving so much more behind than just his ribbon.

My Fox

by Xiao_Hua (E, 13k, wangxian)

Summary:  Once he headed to YiLing that all changed for him. His priorities have been mingled with and ordered in complete disarray even without him noticing as he was left heavily influenced by a creature.

Or one where Lan WangJi is a dragon-spirit and he finds his mate in the form of a fox.

Catfish

by Xiao_Hua (E, 15k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wei WuXian has a common sense that believes it has a nine-to-five job while Lan WangJi finds that incredibly hot.

Or one where two catfish realise that neither of them truly catfished.

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Hi Mojo i'm recommending this amazing fic it is called song of joys and regrets. it's a time travel AU it's amazing. And your Blog is a Godsend Thank you! [Aw, you’re so sweet!]  ~ @highgoddess

Song of Joy and Regrets

by HelloKitten (not rated, 59k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  The Archery competition at Qishan this year has hit a snag. As the Sects face the wrongs perpetrated by their future selves, Wei Wuxian finds himself adopted by half of the cultivation world who are determined to save him from himself.

Baby Wangxian suffers. Adult Wangxian's job here is done.

"I'm starting to see a pattern to all his plans..." "Do they all involve him being bait?" "Yes" came deadpanned responses.

~*~

Here’s a 2021 Reverse Big Bang entry, in time for Father’s Day; [Oops, my bad, sorry!]  Under a Blanket of Black Wings, by ChaoticAndrogynous (#31398395); LWJ, recuperating from the 33 lashes, tells A-Yuan a series of fairytales about a heroic monster and the brave little boy he befriended. Vampire! WWX (in the framing story as well as the story-within-the-story); happy ending.

Under a Blanket of Black Wings

by ChaoticAndrogynous (T, 19k, wangxian)

Summary:  Lan Wangji tells A-Yuan a bedtime story about a beautiful monster and the brave little boy who was his friend. Thirteen years later, the monster returns.

~*~

Hello Mojo! Have you read ‘Key Differences’ by Pupeez4eva? Its a MDZS!WWX meets CQL!WWX and its really good! [It’s on my list!]

Key Differences

by pupeez4eva (T, 6k, wangxian)

Summary:  “I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian said, while his alternate self continued to stare at him with almost a look of hurt in his eyes. There was longing in there too, which Wei Wuxian would have easily recognised if he paid enough attention. “How could you not get together, after everything. What even went on in the Guanyin Temple if you didn’t confess?”

“The Guanyin Temple,” Wei Ying repeated incredulously. “You’re asking me if I confessed at — honestly, a lot went on that day. It was a life and death situation. There was no confessing.”

Wei Wuxian stared at him, appalled.

(Wherein Wei Wuxian ends up meeting an alternate version of himself who, much to his horror, never married Lan Wangji. Obviously he has to do something to fix this).

~*~

Hey Mojo i would recommend this fanfic if you already haven’t, it’s called “ take me back to a time “ by DizziDreams. It’s sooooo good

take me back to a time

by DizziDreams (T, 144k, wangxian, 3zun)

Summary:  Wei Ying has a lot on his plate right now.

It’s finals week -- which isn’t so bad. He’s never had to study much to do well in classes. But that just means that things are that much more tense with Jiang Cheng, who, as far as Wei Ying can tell, only takes study breaks long enough to glare at Wei Ying where he sits on the couch playing video games.

It’s not studies that have Wei Ying stressed out. It’s everything else. It’s the recruitment for the research trial he’s coordinating. It’s jiejie and her impending marriage to His Royal Douchebag Jin Zixuan. It’s the volunteer work at the palliative care facility. It’s Wen Ning’s worsening condition. It’s Wen Qing working herself thin to care for her brother and Wen Yuan. It’s the way Wen Yuan never seems to have enough food.

So, yeah. There’s enough on Wei Ying’s plate already, meaning it’s not entirely welcome when he comes home and finds a man standing in his bedroom. A man in extravagant white robes, a ribbon tied around his forehead, long hair gathered into a topknot, fist clutching a sword at his side, who asks him, “Where am I?”

~*~

Idk if this has already been rec’d (I’ve been off the grid for a while now), but there’s this absolutely incredible fic called Restitution by an anon on ao3 people should definitely check out!

this one?

on restitution

by Anonymous (M, 78k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian, lan sizhui & wei wuxian, WIP)

Summary:  When Wei Wuxian regains consciousness, he is in a bed. A real, proper bed, not the slab he called a bed in his cave in the Burial Mounds.

Jiang Cheng is glowering above him.

Wei Wuxian doesn't die during the siege of the Burial Mounds. Rather, he is captured in secret and confined at Lotus Pier. Things change accordingly.

~*~

Hi momjo! I feel like every time I come to your blog there's twenty more new and amazing fics for me to read. Thank you for everything you do for this fandom!  [Thank you, sweetie!  And yes, I think there ARE 20 new fics every day out there in the fandom.  It’s amazing!] Today I come bearing my own rec to you. I've recently read this and it's IMO one of the best fics out there. It's called Lapsteel by carriecmoney and it's a modern stormchaser AU featuring country songs and coming home. ~ @manaika-chan​

Lapsteel

by carriecmoney (T, 42k, wangxian)

Summary:  Now and then, I think about you now and then...

It's been thirteen years since Wei Ying ran for the prairies, leaving behind a family in shambles and a secret on the Pacific wind. What happens when the storm he swirled catches up to him?

Modern AU with country music star Lan Zhan, stormchaser Wei Ying, and shared crossroads.

~*~

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Important asset [Billy Russo x Reader]

Title: Important asset Pairing: Billy Russo x Female!Reader Word count: 3k Published: 22 April 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: My first Billy Russo fic, I hope it's not that bad, I'm still trying to get a hold of his character :) Summary: [x] Being a former military personal gives you the opportunity to work for Billy’s company. Becoming a very important part of the company provides you with an even closer relationship with your boss. However, he seems to be deliberately dancing on your nerves, increasing your already built-up frustration.

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If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Working for Anvil felt like a safe place. After serving your country for years, coming back from your last tour turned out to be more difficult than you could have anticipated. Protecting important personals and working as security wasn’t something you wished to do, but after starting the job, working along with people who have been through what you have, your view of the company has changed. The job was different, but the people you worked with have given you more support than anyone, including your family, friends or your therapist for that matter.

Joining Anvil wasn’t easy, the requirement process raised some issues that you had to overcome. The physical part didn’t offer any difficulty, but the mental exam seemed to present some obstacles. It wasn’t until your second try that you have been approved and joined the team. That was when you met Mr. Russo, CEO and founder of Anvil. He was just as handsome as you have heard, and he had a way with words. He was confident and knew just how to use his charm. Even if you wanted to deny your sudden interest in him, you couldn’t have.

It seemed that even if he didn’t look at you as a woman, he certainly found your abilities interesting. You didn’t just become one with the team, a crucial member, but also became one of Billy’s most important assets. Having both good communications skills and excellent combat skills meant your worth in Billy’s eyes have grown and provided a great deal of opportunity for you to stay beside him. Officially you weren’t an assistant, but unofficially, Billy liked to give you a nice amount of work, keeping you close by from early morning to late afternoon or evening, sometimes past 10pm.

“Mr. Russo,” you called out to him as you walked behind him in a narrow corridor of the Anvil headquarters. Billy turned around, adjusting his tie with a confident smirk across his face. “I heard you were looking for me,” you added as you finally arrived beside him, glancing up at his handsome features, looking very professional in his expensive suit. You wanted to look feminine and pretty, instead of being dirty and sweaty, wearing a pair of tracksuits, but sometimes your work required you to look more worn out than you wished to be. He had a certain aura that kept pulling you towards him, but as confident as you were in your abilities to protect your country and your people, you were just as uncertain about your appearance when you appeared in front of Billy.

“Yes, I have. Care to explain why I can't reach you on your phone?” He asked, his features unimpressed with your lack of availability.

“I was training, I can’t possibly bring my phone with me everywhere,” you replied frowning, but you quickly adjusted your expressions, before he could have scolded you. It was clear that he wasn’t happy with your reply, but he dismissed it after all.

“Come to my office at 1700 hours. I have a couple things to discuss with you,” he replied in an authoritative manner.

“I have to train the new recruits at 4,” you explained, but he just shook his head.

“Ask someone to replace you,” he stated firmly, accepting no objection. But you took your job very seriously and even though Billy was your boss, often you found yourself going against his decisions just to spite him.

“I can’t do that,” you stated, lips pursed to emphasise your objection. “There’s no one to cover me,” you added. His firm stance and sharp inhale reassured you that he was anything but happy with your answer. He took a step forward, forcing you to take a step back and collide with the wall behind you. Your chest felt as though it was a small box, containing only a small portion of oxygen, its lack of tightened your throat, starting your heart off in a dangerous pace, pounding hard against your ribcage. Billy’s presence always made you feel as though you couldn’t breathe. A simple gaze in your direction, a confident grin, his low, deep voice calling your name made you weak at the knees and left your mind wandering to paths you should have never gone to, causing thousands of butterflies to erupt in your belly.

“I’m your boss and I can change your schedule whenever I want to. I want to see you in my office at 1700 sharp, or else—” he didn’t finish the end of his sentence, but you were sure his ideas were entirely different from yours.

“Or else—?” It escaped your mouth involuntarily, receiving a low growl from Billy, a threatening aura, still it didn’t frighten you, if anything it encouraged you further. “I think we both know you will not fire me, Mr. Russo. I’m a very important asset to your company. I am a very dedicated employee and therefore I will try to adjust my schedule to fit your request, but I cannot promise anything, unless you personally can provide someone to take over from me,” you replied in a challenging manner, earning a questioningly raised brow from Billy. Trying to read his face you couldn’t decide if he was actually considering helping you or he was planning how to murder you in the spot.

A heavy sigh left his lungs, but he didn’t back away. “I will send Simon to cover you,” he said between gritted teeth.

“That is absolutely brilliant, I’m so glad we are on the same page,” you exclaimed with a wide grin across your face as you turned around to leave the man behind. However, before you could have left, he grabbed your arm and pulled you back against him, your palms landing on his hard chest, feeling every inch of each fine muscle under your touch.

“Pay attention to your attitude because it has gotten out of hands recently and you are standing on a very fine line,” he whispered, his breath tickling your cheeks. Indeed, you have been rather free with your words and actions around Billy, and you knew you were playing with fire, but it seemed that was the only way to get his attention.

“I might be pushing some boundaries, but my only intention is for the company to work effectively, to produce people that do their tasks efficiently meanwhile wearing Anvil’s name with pride. If I neglect my duties and ignore my job, even if it’s for your request, what use am I to the company?” you asked with a certain pride. Whilst your intention was to object to Billy once again, to be somewhat bratty, every word that left your lips were true. Anvil has given you more than you could have ever wished for and not even Billy could stop you from making this company one of the most well-working organisations.

Billy took a sharp inhale, trying to decide whether you were just being spoilt once again, because you were indeed aware of your own worth, or if the company really took priority in your eyes. His nod reassured you of the latter as he let go of your arm.

“I like the way you are thinking, but it doesn’t excuse your attitude. You are an important asset to the company, but not irreplaceable. By the time you come to see me in the afternoon, try to get rid of it,” he spoke sternly, before he shook his head and offered you a cocky grin as he turned around and left you in the corridor. You couldn’t stop the tiny smile from appearing in the corner of your lips, his expression reassured you that you were anything but invisible in his eyes.

As you were leading a shooting session for your team, Billy interrupted your practice, clearing his throat whilst leaning against the doorframe, watching your people. You looked at your watch, afraid of being late, but according to your time, you weren’t even anywhere near the time you were supposed to be in his office.

“Keep practising,” you instructed them as you walked back to Billy, whose arms were folded in front of his chest, his eyes following every step you took towards him. “Is everything okay?” you asked as you stopped in front of him.

“Hmm,” he replied with a simple hum and a single nod. He seemed to have something on his mind, and you were sure he would soon voice his opinion. Biting his lip, he grimaced slightly. “Your team needs more practice,” he added nonchalantly. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned around to check on the targets. Indeed, there were some errors, but you were overall satisfied with their performance, they were former members of the US Armed Forces after all. Inhaling sharply, you turned back to him, staring at his expressionless face.

“Is this really why you came here?” You asked with a questioningly raised brow.

“I was just wondering how useful you are to the company since you have been walking around voicing your importance. Just like you did in the morning, if I recall correctly,” he shrugged casually.

“Let me see if I understand. After all I have done for the company and for you, now you are checking on my people and my progress, questioning how much we are worth to your goddamn company?” You hissed in anger. Billy seemed to be on a roll attempting to piss you off at any given time. Usually, you could keep your act together, but he has done nothing but insulted you that day and he was very close to reaching your limits. You stared into his eyes and in the lowest, most threatening tone you could manage, you continued. “Listen to me Russo, I can take a lot, I’m quite a resilient person, but I’m very close to walking out of here and never coming back. If you would like me to leave then say it, but if not and you would like me to keep working for you, then let me do my job and leave me alone for the rest of the day,” you exhaled sharply and after a deadly gaze directed at your boss, you turned away and joined your team. Your blood was boiling from the amount of anger he could bring out in you, as if he found your frustration entertaining. Although you expected him to come after you and give you a monologue about humbling yourself, by the time you looked back towards the entrance, he was long gone.

It was already 5pm and Simon was nowhere to be found. You instructed the new recruits to take a 5-minute break from the exercises you have given them as you rocked from one leg to the other trying to calm yourself, slowly exhaling and inhaling. Preparing for the scolding you were about to receive from Billy, your blood pressure had risen. You groaned as you saw Simon run through the door, heavily apologising for his lateness. Shaking your head, you walked up to him and instructed him about the details of the recruits’ further training. By the time you were supposed to be in Billy’s office, you were jogging across the narrow corridors of Anvil, trying to minimise the nagging Billy was about to give you for not arriving in time.

“You are late,” you heard his voice as you opened the door, grimacing at the harsh tone. Billy didn’t even look up from his desk, his eyes were attached to the paperwork he was signing off.

“Not my fault,” you added, walking up to the table and sitting down across Billy.

“I told you to be precise,” he groaned, unhappy about your lateness.

“Next time send someone who actually appears in time,” you retorted, feeling fed up with his continued scolding.

“Once again you have that attitude,” he cleared his throat in frustration.

“Russo!” You shot up from your chair, placing your hands on his paperwork, staring straight into his eyes. “I’m aware that I have a slight problem with my attitude, but I don’t think it’s fair that you blame me for something I had no say in. You have asked Simon to replace me, still at 5pm sharp I was still in the training hub alone with the recruits, because he was late,” you replied firmly.

“I don’t think I have asked for an excuse, so why do I have to listen?” He asked with a deep frown, slowly standing up from his chair, his stance projecting authority. But at that moment, you couldn’t care less. Your blood was rushing through your veins, your built-up frustration threatening to reveal itself. As if Billy’s mere purpose was to dance on your nerves. And he was successful.

“Billy,” you called his first name with clenched teeth. You have gotten used to calling him Mr. Russo or Russo, even though you were close to each other. However recently he has been deliberately annoying you and you couldn’t take it anymore. Indeed, you wanted to get some kind of reaction out of him with your brattiness, but receiving the same attitude didn’t seem that entertaining. You knew you were supposed to be professional when you were working, even though he made it his mission to piss you off, but you just lost your self-control. “I have done nothing for this company but work my ass off to help you. When you asked, I had to be at two even three places at the same time. I have no life, because every single free time and day off I’m supposed to be having, I have to spend here to help you. I don’t mind, because I love working here and I want to make this company a better place. But you are the one talking about my attitude, even though I have never asked for anything in return?! Have I ever asked for a raise even if you dumped hours of work on me? You keep me here from early morning to late evening and I’ve never once complained, still you dare to talk about my attitude? Please, tell me what your problem is with me, because recently I feel like it’s your mission to get on my nerves. At this point the only thing I can think of is that you want me to quit because that’s the kind of hostility that comes across from you,” you huffed releasing all your frustration on your boss.

“You—” he wanted to speak up, but you didn’t let him. It was your time to talk, and you didn’t even give him a chance to object.

“No, I’m speaking,” you interrupted him, earning a sharp inhale from the man. “I understand that I’m only a mere subordinate, and I know I should not have the attitude that I do take on sometimes, but I am still a human and I don’t have to deal with your moodiness on a daily basis,” you hissed. “Tell me honestly, is it your mission to get me to quit? Because at this point you are very close to forcing me to resign and—” you had no way to finish the sentence as Billy grabbed the back of your neck and pulled your lips against his, earning a moan from you. He only let go of you for a second to get around the table, his movements quick as though he was a lion hunting down his prey. He attached his lips to yours once again, pushing you up on the table and positioning himself between your thighs. He sneaked his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, his other hand firmly holding you close to him by the back of your neck, wanting nothing but to reduce the proximity between the two of you.

“Do you ever shut up?” He asked, breathing heavily against your lips. “I hear nothing but your continuous yapper,” he groaned as he laid his forehead against yours, massaging random patterns on your thigh. “Why on earth do you think I have given you so much job to do, you dumb woman? Can you be any more oblivious? I didn’t just dump all those random tasks on you and left you to do them, did I? I stayed behind with you, isn’t that, right?” he asked through gritted teeth. “You really know how to get on my nerves, and this certainly isn’t how I imagined this to come out, but you make it impossible for me to keep my cool,” he inhaled slowly, forcefully pulling you closer to him as he stood between your legs, making you moan at the contact. “I’m going to give you two options now,” he stated as he took a step back, giving you space to think. You can walk out that door, act like nothing happened and we will go back to being a boss and an employee. Or you can stay, and we continue what we started. But then there’s no turning back. I don’t just let go of what’s mine,” for a moment you ran the options through a logical part of your mind, that screamed for you to walk out the door. But you couldn’t possibly listen to the voice when you could finally be Billy’s after you have done so much for the man you longed for.

You grabbed his belt and pulled him between your legs, whispering against his lips. “Close that door,” Billy’s jaw clenched and without a second to waste he stood by the door, locking it behind him and getting back to you in haste, capturing your lips with his hands exploring every part of your body.

“So, have I become irreplaceable now?” You asked with a proud, overly confident grin as his hands tried to remove your shirt impatiently. His eyes darkened at your words, his hands stopping mid-air.

“Don’t get cocky with me,” he groaned, grabbing your jaw and connecting your lips once again, trying to get you out of your clothes. Whatever Billy called you for was long forgotten for the rest of the evening, you were busier with each other’s company.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Taglist is in a reblog from now on.

[beckydoesthings]

I spend far too much time on AO3 to let it all go to waste, so here’s a collection of ABO fics that I thoroughly enjoy. These are all hxl unless specified otherwise. I tried to condense my total list into one post, but I very quickly realized it would be waaaaay too long, so I split it up.��

*will continue to update this. also if i mistagged an author, i deeply apologize, i do not know how to tumblr*

sleeping on our problems

E | 67k | @falsegoodnight

I’m in love with you, Louis thinks. He feels empty, weighed down by his sadness and the loss of Harry inside him just moments ago before his knot finally went down.  There’s moments where he’s sure Harry feels the same. Like now, when he’s gazing down at Louis with so much adoration and tenderness. It’s like they’re both on the cusp of something more, but neither of them ever say a word. His confession is on the tip of his tongue ready to slide out like honey, and yet he remains silent. They both do, looking at each other and recognizing the reluctance mirrored in each other’s eyes. It’s then that Louis realizes they’re both scared. - Or Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

this is everything i’ve ever wanted in an ABO fic and i’m genuinely in love with this. i think i cried reading this lol and i’m not ashamed of it. also the smut!

A Distant Hazy Light

E | 198k | @greenfeelings

Life’s pretty ordinary for Harry. He lives with his best friend, got into university just like he’s planned, and manages to support himself just fine for an unbonded omega. If he sustains that lifestyle by getting paid to help alphas through their rut every now and then, that’s nothing to be hung up on. Until he’s hired by an alpha that turns everything upside down.

Or, Harry’s working on taking Louis’ walls down, until he builds his own up.

this is part one of a three part ABO series that also probably made me cry at some point. chock full of angst and heartbreak with an (eventual) happy ending. also the side ziam is just *chef’s kiss*. 

pray for some sweet simplicity

E | 237k | @eeveelou

Louis is the only omega to ever make it in the cut-throat world of competitive motorcycle racing—that is, he would be if anyone actually knew about his identity. Now, his sights are set towards competing in—and winning—the European Grand Prix, the biggest and most difficult race of the entire year, so he can disappear underground for good. He’s close enough, too, until an alpha sports journalist is assigned to follow Louis’s every move as he prepares for the event of his career.

Or, an AU where motorcycle racing is the biggest sport in a heavily divided world, Louis is trying to take control of his own destiny, and Harry is in for more than he bargained for.

it’s just so beautiful. their relationship development was soooo good and i adored reading this piece. i never thought i could enjoy a motorcycle racing story so much!

A Sea Without Water, A Compass Without Direction

T | 84k

”Tell me, Louis,” Captain Styles said, leaning forward a little. ”D’you think I’m an idiot?”

”I—what?” Louis asked, surprised by the blunt question. He had expected something different, something along the lines of how he learned music, or how he ended up as a prisoner on the other ship.

”Do you think I’m an idiot?” The captain repeated, putting emphasis on each word as though Louis couldn’t understand him otherwise.

”Of course not,” Louis said, shaking his head. He’d be a fool for thinking such a thing, and an even bigger fool for saying it out loud. ”Captain.”

Captain Styles nodded slowly, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. ”Then why did you lie to me?”

”L-Lie?”

”Out on the deck. You lied to me,” he said. He held up his hand, three fingers up. ”Three lies total. I hate liars.”

i think i’ve read this like a dozen times and it’s still. so. good. probably the first pirate fic i read and i love it so much! the dynamic between them is awesome to read.

Seeing Blind

E | 46k | @that-idiot-overthere

Louis finally turns his head in Liam’s direction, knows his face is showing the longing he’s been aching with ever since it took root in his chest. “What the fuck do I do, Liam? He wouldn’t want me like that, but I want-” his voice cracks, and he turns his face back downwards. “What do you do when you’re not perfect for the person who’s perfect for you?”

OR the one where Harry’s an independent omega who likes to have his fun and Louis is the blind alpha that changes Harry’s priorities.

the smut in this fic is absolutely filthy and i love it ;). but watching the two boys be idiots in love made this fic for me.

The Space Between

E | 40k | @alltheselights

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.

Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

i wanted to smack harry the entire time i was reading this, but in a cool way obviously. it’s quite fluffy but it’s got enough angst to make it suspenseful.

Face Your Fears

E | 92k | @sadaveniren

Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing.

this fic is a rollercoaster of emotions from beginning to end and it’s amazing to read. i’m not sure what i love more, the fact that harry’s a baker or half the plot being based around wikipedia being false.

The Compulsion to Find Love

E | 140k | @toomanydreamers

The most prestigious English third-level institution, Candling University, accepts omega students for the first time and Louis Tomlinson applies with bright eyes and brighter ambitions. There he encounters personal obstacles, traditional mindsets and a beautiful boy who inverts every prejudice Louis has ever known.

it is quite a lengthy story but totally worth it. i adore louis’ fierce determination in this! 

We Both Got Nothing to Hide

E | 43k 

“Talk to me, Lou.”

“I can’t,” Louis mumbled, knowing he genuinely couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to what he was doing. “Don’t ask me to say it, because I can’t.”

“Then… I’ll try and guess. You’ve… got some stuff of Harry’s. Something of his to make it smell like him?”

Louis just nodded, eyes fixated on the floor. This was humiliating, but he knew Zayn wouldn’t stop until he found out what was going on.

“Okay. Like… a blanket, or a comforter or something?”

“Kind of…”

//

Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

personal favorite because i have a soft spot for nesting. but i love the relationship between the two and it’s. so. fluffy i could melt.

lemon eyes

E | 50k

It's not proper for omegas to mess around with alphas before finding their bondmate. But Harry doesn't give a damn what's proper and fully intends on getting as much experience as he can before even trying to find one. As far as he's concerned, the right alpha won't care, and he'll have some fun on the way.

And who better to start with than Louis Tomlinson, the alpha with the worst reputation on campus?

ah yes a fic where Louis is an alpha and both are versatile?? wack. anyways, the smut in this is awesome and harry’s an idiot. what’s new?? (jkjk)

A Taste of Desire

E | 104k | @casuallyhl

“As forward as I have been with you this evening, I am also aware this dinner party isn’t the place to conduct business.” Mr. Tomlinson chuckles quietly to himself, shooting a subtle glance across the table towards their hostess. “And besides, I am sure our hostess would be horribly disappointed to learn that we went away this evening with a business agreement and not a mating one.”

Harry, who had been sipping his wine, coughs harshly at this. He splutters, unaccustomed to such blatant statements about mating.

Mr. Tomlinson continues to laugh quietly, clearly pleased at Harry’s reaction.

“Mrs. Humphreys promised that there was an alpha attending the dinner tonight that I would certainly get on well with,” Mr. Tomlinson continues, voice teasing. “She assured me that we would have much in common since we both work with mills.” Mr. Tomlinson glances at Harry, eyes flashing with mirth. “Little did she know that would be where our mutual interests began and ended.”

Or, a Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world.

one of my favorite historical AUs! i love how strong and opinionated Louis is and how Harry comes round to follow. 

Canyon Moon

E | 40k | @eeveelou

For as long as Louis has remembered, he has been promised to be mated to Harry, his best friend and the future pack alpha. But Louis’s heart belonged to the forest and to the hunt more than he could ever imagine it belonging to Harry.

Then Harry’s father dies in a violent accident, and Louis’s future alpha disappears on the wind.

An A/B/O Lion King AU

disney AUs are the shit! i’ve got a small love for werewolf fics and this is one of my favorites. love how this takes the story of lion king for a spin.

Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds

M | 38k | @2tiedships2

Broadway shows were one of the few things that could keep Louis’ attention for a full two hours without needing to move about. But not tonight.

The alpha next to him was both infuriating him and practically turning him on at the same time. He needed to leave. The alpha, that is. Louis was staying.

Or the one where Louis is a nonverbal omega who has accepted the fact that he will never find an alpha that will treat him as an equal. On the other hand, he’s never met anyone like Harry.

i love how just sappy and sweet this is, like there are just hearts pouring out of my eyes as i read this. also broadway!

*updated 2/15/21*

[veliseraptor]

Down in the Yi City Pit: A Recs Post

So as anyone following me may have noticed, I’ve been spiraling ever deeper into a pit called Yi City Feelings. I’m down at the bottom and I’m still digging. This also means I’ve been doing a lot of fic reading, and I figure it’s about time that I wrote a recs list, since I said I’d do it and some people expressed interest.

Heads up that I am a dirty Xue Yang stan first and foremost, so this list is going to skew in, uh, that direction. Just so we’re all aware.

Divided these into canonverse recs and modern au recs, since apparently this is the only thing I’ll read modern aus for! It’s a brave new world out here. 

Also like. blanket warnings across the board here for The Inherent Dubiousness of Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen as a Pairing, Generally. I’ll offer more specific/major ones as they’re relevant/I remember, but please check the tags/authors notes as well.

CANONVERSE

lover to your nightmare by Zaatar (@ameliarating) . Xue Yang uses Xiao Xingchen getting sick as an opportunity to fuck around a little. Second person POV sickfic, except XueXiao flavored sickfic which means it’s messy and full of good things like “delirium” and “people taking advantage of other peoples’ confusion and disorientation to mess with them psychologically.” This fic also does the thing I love really well where Xue Yang’s internal monologue/self-justification is full of indications that he’s having Feelings that he neither recognizes nor acknowledges. Crunchy, delicious.

Samsara / 輪迴 by ForgivenMemes. Upsetting fic full of every content warning ever alert! (Off the top of my head: violence, rape, suicide, self-harm.) I keep going back to this fic and rereading it because it hurts so bad and I love it, because it hurts in the best worst self-sabotage recapitulating-mistakes-over-and-over way. Like, I am a sucker for a time loop fic always, and usually I read them as a route to fixing things - but honestly I’ve always loved the part of time loop fics that’s “everything getting worse first.” And this is a whole fic of “everything getting worse.” Aka, the one where Xue Yang has thousands of chances to get it right, but there’s no getting it right.

compromise by Sectionladvivi. Xiao Xingchen convinces Song Lan and Xue Yang to kiss. (aka, obviously Yi City AU where Song Lan gets folded into things, Xiao Xingchen still doesn’t know about Xue Yang being Xue Yang, and an uneasy detente where the two of them don’t touch each other gets interrupted by Xiao Xingchen Wanting Things, which is, of course, a priority always). 

til dawn by Sectionladvivi. Xue Yang takes care of Xiao Xingchen’s body after his death, and mind the tags. This is that perfect Yi City level of “horrifying and also very sad, I feel bad for my boy but also he is sort of defiling a corpse (though it is just kissing).” This might not sound like a recommendation but it is absolutely a recommendation.

Our Antebellum Innocence by spockandawe (@spockandawe). First time XueXiao. Xue Yang lays the groundwork for his first time with Xiao Xingchen with meticulous care.  This author always delivers, both in terms of excellent porn and in terms of characterization, and this is no exception. 

life’s illusions I recall by Sour_Idealist (@souridealist). The basics of this fic is just “outdoor sex at a river” and it is delicious for that, but what I love about it in particular is this author’s Xue Yang voice. It’s always good (they are the genius behind the incredible Jiang Yanli/Xue Yang fic - no, really), and this is a fic I come back to a lot for that reason. I also love the tag “two characters experiencing two very different fics” which feels like a very apt description for the XueXiao dynamic, generally speaking.

Selenographia by lightningwaltz. A lovely, short-ish fic about the Yi City years. I don’t feel like I have a good description for this one - it’s just one of those beautiful character/moment portrait pieces, very well done.

Stories from A Lonely City by blackwatervial. A series of snapshots/vignettes from the three years in Yi City. Sweetness, bittersweetness, and of course, ultimately, a sad end. This was one of the first Yi City fics I read.

yi city depression hours by glueskin (series). Just. You know. Some feelings. There’s two fics in this one, both short character study type fics making me feel feelings.

a bird caught in this winter blizzard by cherriru. I do love a good grief/mourning fic, especially featuring someone realizing slowly the sheer miserable depths of their fuck-up. Aka, Xue Yang after Xiao Xingchen’s death. It’s just sad. 

all I ever knew of love by Sour_Idealist (@souridealist). See what I said above about the Xue Yang voice and this author; this one also featuring blistering hot porn (first time), a little light praise kink, and huddling for warmth as an excuse for sex. It’s a perfect blend of filth and tenderness and I love it.

revelations wallet wood burn art by Sectionladvivi. This one describes itself in the summary as “grim pwp” and yeah, that fits (and also! is such a XueXiao vibe, whoop whoop); it’s based off the simple premise of ‘Xue Yang tells Xiao Xingchen who he is, in the middle of sex.’ Honestly, one of my favorite things about this fic is the ending, which is horrifying in the best possible way.

Your Heart Inside My Hands by williamshooketh (@ectoplasm-james). This fic is fabulously made for me in the specific subgenre of “Xue Yang thinks he knows what he is getting into when having sex with Xiao Xingchen and, it turns out, does not.” This one featuring some of my favorite things including praise kink and Xue Yang getting extremely fucked up by someone being very nice to him.

Sleep Until the Sun Goes Down by spockandawe (@spockandawe). Love me some Xiao Xingchen seducing Xue Yang with candy. First time fic, second person POV, absolutely delightful.

pass the time by short_tandem_repeats (@yiling). A-Qing and Xue Yang bonding hours. I am actually such a sucker for their weird relationship (I don’t poke at it enough in my own stuff, should work on that) and the way they recognize each other in ways that Xiao Xingchen doesn’t, and also a-Qing having to reckon with the ways in which she’s more like Xue Yang than like Xiao Xingchen. Just a very good fic with a delightful a-Qing.

Three Springs by Verbana. Just a really excellent Xiao Xingchen POV of the three years in Yi City and a developing relationship between Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang. Beautifully written, a lovely escalation, and I’m absolutely delighted by the gentle loneliness of the Xiao Xingchen POV here.

Red Azalea by CeNedraRiva (@cenedrariva) (WIP). A longfic in progress following the continuing adventures of the Yi City Crew after Xiao Xingchen survives his suicide attempt and Xue Yang reconsiders some life choices. Recently got tag-updated to SongXueXiao which has me absolutely thrilled. Updates every Wednesday.

ephemeral by im_krying (WIP). Xue Yang, traveling around wearing Xiao Xingchen’s face, decides it is time to go looking for the last remaining part of Xiao Xingchen that he doesn’t already possess. That is to say, the eyes in Song Lan’s head. I’m really curious where this is going - it smells up my alley at this point though it’s been a bit since the last update. 

Heaven Has a Road But No One Walks It by Silvestris (@silvysartfulness) (WIP). Things I love: beating on Xue Yang, SongXueXiao, terrible road trips, fix-its where there’s a lot of suffering involved. Things this fic has: all of the above. I’m in love.

MODERN AU

(There are other recs to this one but for various reasons (pwp reasons) triggered my self-consciousness slightly too much to put on this post. Go check my bookmarks, you’ll find stuff there.

Most of these are PWP to greater or lesser extents (Rewritten and Misalignment are, I’d say, the exceptions); all very hot and fantastically written.)

circling like vultures by brawlite (@brawlite) (series). Truly quality porn, featuring mostly Xue Yang/Song Lan both pining for Xiao Xingchen, which is a thing that it turns out I really like. The sex is rough and mean and I’m really into it. (Okay, mostly the sex in the first one is mean, the second one is actually XueYao, and the third one is actually verging on nice. Wow! Growth. Anyway, it’s all very good and very My Scene.

Rewritten by incendir (series). This series is like. Everything I want from a modern AU and that was true even before the most recent fic gifted me a beat up Xue Yang suffering, so you know. I don’t have a good summary for this series other than that it’s basically a married Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen adopting Xue Yang as a third partner and it’s just. So well done, such good writing, such good characterization, I would read 20,000 more words of this and probably still be hungry.

catalyst by Ajaxthegreat. If there is a porny fic I’ve reread more than this one, I’m not sure what it would be. I’ve reread this one a lot. It’s very good. It’s very hot. I’m trying not to be self-conscious. SongXueXiao first time rough sex and boy is it tasty.

biting the bullet by Sectionladvivi. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t want to have to choose between his two boyfriends and so he doesn’t. Sectionladvivi in general writes some very sexy modern au PWP (including a few different Xue Yang/Lan Wangji fics which...didn’t see that one coming! But it works when they do it), so general rec for author but this one (as, you know, SongXueXiao porn), is one of my favorites, probably. 

sxx configurations by rynleaf (series). This is a SongXueXiao series on AO3 based off of @kevinkevinson‘s modern reincarnation AU and I am in love with both the art for that AU (go look!) and these fics, they’re so good, I’ve reread several times. 

Misalignment by Kasasagi (WIP). The one with a reincarnated Xue Yang and a Xiao Xingchen who arrives in the modern world from the past, fresh off his suicide.

And Once Again, if I’m Allowed to Rec My Own Fic

a kindness you can’t afford. Early days in Yi City after Xue Yang wakes up.

lick your exit wounds. I wanted canonverse-era bottom Xue Yang praise kink, so I wrote it for myself in the hopes others would also find this an interesting prospect.

this place could be beautiful. Xue Yang vs. domestic living.

tear out all your tenderness. Xue Yang gets turned on by murder and makes it a project to get Xiao Xingchen to lose control.

the beauty of your repair. PWP, modern AU SongXueXiao; there’s not an inkling of plot here, it’s really just an excuse to get Xue Yang wrecked, but nicely.

[whumperscorner]

Hello! I've just discovered your whumpy FFXV fanfics and oh my gosh I absolutely adore your writing and ideas! I love a whumpy Prompto story! I've looked over the whump bingo and I think Prompto and "Strapped to a bomb" would be a really interesting/whumpy story! Of course please don't feel pressured to write this if you don't want to and I'm so sorry if this comes across as rude. I hope you have a lovely day!

Ah thank you anon! Don’t worry it definitely doesn’t come off as rude :3 I’m really happy you’ve enjoyed my writing!

Decided to try someone kinda new with this, going with Cor’s pov for the first time, so hopefully that will still be somewhat enjoyable eheh

BTHB #6- Strapped to a Bomb

Fandom: Final Fantasy XV

Characters: Prompto Argentum, Cor Leonis, Nyx Ulric (a little bit)

Whumpee: Prompto Argentum

Word count: 2568

Warnings: none

This work can also be found on ao3 :3

Cor lets his eyes finish skimming through the document in his hand. Then he throws it onto his desk along with all the other documents he’s read through and sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. It’s been a very long, very uneventful day. Glancing at his watch, Cor is relieved to find there’s now only a little over an hour until he can leave. Though of course then he has to make his way through the traffic of the streets surrounding the Citadel, which is always a nightmare at this time of day. Now with the furrow between his brows made even deeper than usual, Cor returns to the paperwork. He’s moving on to what he thinks should be the last document in the pile when heavy breathing and rushed footsteps sound through the otherwise empty corridor.

"Marshal-"

"What." Cor's voice is tinged with irritation. This better be damn important for someone to barge in right at the tail end of his workday.

"You’ve been summoned at the entrance," says the breathless recruit. "it’s something about your son."

It doesn’t even take a full second for Cor to react and be up on his feet. He grabs his jacket and phone and hurries out of the office along with the recruit. Not that it’s out of the ordinary for Prompto to come to the Citadel, whether it’s Cor he’s coming to see or Prince Noctis whenever he’s around. Normally he would just let himself in though, and that along with the frantic look on the recruit’s face - no, something has to be wrong.

"What’s the situation?" Cor asks, not bothering to look back and just assuming the recruit is following him as he strides down the hall.

"I don’t know, I was just told to get a hold of you quickly." Comes the answer from behind. Cor almost has time to get annoyed at the lack of information, but the recruit keeps going. "Glaive Ulric and Glaive Altius are there already, and when I left they'd started working to evacuate employees outside of the Glaive."

Cor curses under his breath. Evacuation of the other employees? He trusts Nyx and Crowe enough to make that call, but since they have it has to be something serious. Cor enters the elevator and taps his foot impatiently on the floor, infuriated by how slow the descent is seemingly going. His mind races through all the different possibilities for what could be going on, and how Prompto could be involved in it.

The familiar dingand the sound of elevator doors opening cannot come soon enough, and the second it does he's on the move again. It takes him almost no time at all, though still too long in Cor's mind, to make his way to the doors at the main entrance. From the vantage point there he can already see parts of what's going on. Further down the staircase are multiple glaives already at work. Cor recognises Crowe where she stands at the side, gesturing to the people around and obviously in the midst of the evacuation work. He spares a short moment to send the recruit, who is still following behind him, over in her direction with orders to assist in the evacuation work. Then he sees Nyx, standing a bit further down, and then finally he sees a familiar tuft of blond hair. Prompto is talking to Nyx. Cor can't hear what they're saying as he makes his way towards them, but he can tell from meters away that something is wrong with Prompto. It's the way he's holding himself, tense and unnaturally stiff in his movements.

When Cor is close enough, he sees Prompto’s eyes widen, and his mouth opens in a silent plea. Cor lets his own expression soften some and sends him a reassuring nod. It’s at least intended as one, but he’s not sure it helps. Prompto still looks so very scared, and it pricks Cor’s heart painfully. He's about to turn to Nyx, to demand an explanation as to what's going on, but his attention is caught by something else. Peeking through behind the half-open zipper on Prompto's hoodie is some foreign object.

"Open your hoodie Prom, let me see that." Cor says. His mouth feels too dry all of a sudden, but he keeps his voice low and calm despite it. Prompto shifts uneasily but complies. With two shaky hands he fumbles a bit with the zipper, eventually getting it up. What reveals itself is a jumbled mess of wires and various cylindrical objects in black and grey, all fastened together with tape and zip-ties, strapped around Prompto's stomach like a horrid belt. It's most definitely home made, but there's no mistaking it. Cor recognizes explosives when he sees them.

"The hell-" Cor hisses. Though he immediately regrets that and cuts himself off when Prompto shrinks in on himself as if the curse is directed at him. Worry and disbelief swirl around in Cor's stomach. He turns his head to Nyx so fast his neck nearly twists. "What's going on here?"

The look on Nyx's face mirrors Cor's own emotions, and the crease to his brows deepens as he answers in a hushed voice. "Crowe and I found him standing here just earlier, says someone put that," and he motions with his head towards the device. "on him and dropped him off here with orders to go inside. He didn't see their faces."

Now anger flares up in Cor along with all the other conflicting emotions. Someone had dared to put a godsdamn bomb on his son. Cor feels his body tense up, and his hands balling into tight fists. He wants his hands on them, to make them regret ever thinking they could touch Prompto. But that will have to wait, Cor knows it. The top priority has to be getting that thing off of Prompto safely. He bites back another curse by pressing his lips into a thin line and wills himself to loosen the fists, though the tension still lingers in them.

"Bomb squad?" He asks.

"Already called, should be here any minute." Comes Nyx's answer, and Cor nods. He'd rather they were there already, but pushes that thought aside, they'll just have to wait. He then turns his attention back to Prompto. His son's eyes are wide and fearful, darting in between Nyx and Cor. His hands clutch the ends of the hoodie hard but even then, Cor can see them trembling faintly. Now that nobody's talking anymore, he suddenly becomes aware of Prompto's breathing. How strained it is, coming in short, shallow gasps. As if he's trying not to breathe at all.

Now every part of Cor's body urges him to rush to Prompto's side. To reassure him and tell him that everything will be alright. He knows he can't do that but takes one calm step forwards regardless. "Prompto-"

"No!" Prompto gasps, jerking back a step and stumbling slightly. It catches Cor completely off guard, and he stops dead in his tracks. Lifting his hands in a placating manner.

"Wha-"

"Don't come closer, please." Prompto's voice is barely more than a whisper, but to Cor it seems he might as well have been shouting. "If- if it blows, I don't want to hurt you."

Cor feels like he's just been hit in the chest with something hard. This isn't how things are supposed to be. Prompto, his sunshine, should not have to be this scared- for himself or for Cor. Cor sucks in a sharp breath, and despite what his brain is screaming at him to do he takes a step back to where Nyx is standing. It takes considerable effort to keep his voice calm when Cor speaks up again. "Okay, okay. Prompto look at me," he urges, trying to hold his son's gaze intently with his own. "I'm going to be fine, and you're going to be fine. Do you understand?"

After another moment Prompto nods weakly, even as his eyes glaze over with unshed tears. Cor sighs, and wonders what on earth is taking the damn bomb squad so long. He's about to turn to Nyx with this same question when, as if on cue, Prompto's breath hitches and his eyes fixate on something over Cor's shoulder. He turns around and there, finally, he sees a group of about seven or so men and women prepped with armoured suits making their way down the staircase. It draws some stares and gasps from the few not in the Glaive who are still there, but thankfully the evacuation work has come so far that there aren't many around.

Cor lets his shoulders sag ever so slightly in relief as the woman who seems to be in charge of the group comes over to him and Nyx. They exchange a few words and what little information they have on the situation, and she nods in affirmation and begins her work. Ordering three of her people to secure the streets and immediate surroundings to the bottom of the staircase, and the rest to come with her as she movies calmly towards Prompto. Cor tries to send him another encouraging nod, but he looks possibly even more terrified than before. The wide, unsure eyes and trembling lips are not something Cor wants to see on his son's face ever again if he can avoid it.

"They," Prompto tries, but it comes out more a choked gasp than anything else, and he hurries to try again. "they said not to touch it." The words almost trip over themselves in the rush to get out, and Prompto sends Cor a pleading look. Almost desperate as members of the bomb squad are getting closer to him.

"These people know what they're doing, kid." Cor urges on, thankful that his voice carries such authority and doesn't betray any underlying worries. "Let them help. I promise it will all be fine." Anything else is out of the question, he thinks, but he doesn't say that. Instead opting to take on as soothing and confident an expression as possible.

Prompto nods again, but doesn't look any more convinced, letting slip a tiny whine when the approaching bomb technicians are close enough to touch. The woman orders the hoodie to be removed, and her associates make quick work of it. It's close to torture, Cor finds, having to stay where he is and only watch. Prompto stays stiff and unmoving as the hoodie is removed and thrown to the side, where Nyx goes to pick it up. In the clutter of people now around him, Prompto looks like a forlorn kitten, fixed to the ground and scared to move in any significant way.

"Timer?" asks the woman loudly.

"None ma'am." comes the answer.

At this the woman turns her attention back to Nyx and Cor. "We're sure it's timed?" She asks. "No chance it could be remote controlled?"

Cor opens his mouth to answer but to his great surprise, and the woman's too it seems, Prompto beats him to it. "It's timed," his voice shakes slightly as he speaks. "they said so when they dropped me off… f-fifty minutes." he stammers, then his voice dies down again.

A moment of stunned silence goes by, then the woman curses loudly. "You should have said so sooner!" She snaps. Cor sees how it makes Prompto shrink in on himself and hears his stuttered apologies. They need to figure out how much time they have left, and the last thing he wants is for Prompto to panic now. So he takes a careful step forward, intent on getting Prompto's attention away from the lady.

"Prompto look at me!" He implores loudly, cutting Prompto off in the midst of his train of apologies. "Just look at me. I need you to tell me how long you stood here before anyone arrived, can you do that?"

"I- 6 maybe 7 minutes, I think." He answers, swallowing hard. Cor nods at him again then hastily checks the time on his phone. It's been almost 30 minutes since he left his office, though to him it feels like much longer than that. Still, that doesn't leave them with much time, only a little under 20 minutes. Cor relays the information out loud, to which the woman nods and goes back to her work, not wasting another second on talking.

Through all this Prompto has been keeping his eyes locked on Cor, exactly as told. So Cor sees it the second he returns his attention to his son. That now with the working hands of multiple people back around his waist, and the knowledge of just how long he has left until an eventual untimely death- a little under 20 minutes, it's all too much. Cor can see it all swirling around in his head, can read it in his face. It's one of the effects of having cared for someone from when they were a small child, Cor knows his son, and he knows the breaking point is coming.

"Prompto," he begins softly, "keep your eyes focused on me, okay? Only on me, ignore anything else." Prompto nods, chokes out a sob, and lets the first few tears come. Cor sees them rolling down unhindered, and the wet streaks they leave on freckled skin. "It's okay," he hushes, barely even noticing that he's taken a few more steps towards Prompto. "you've been brave today. Now just let us fix the rest, okay? It'll be alright."

Cor keeps speaking softly like that for what somehow feels simultaneously like an eternity and no time at all. The tears are still running down Prompto's face, but he's managing to keep his attention mostly on Cor and not on the rest of the situation. It's working exactly how Cor was hoping it would. When, after some time, the bomb loosens from around Prompto's waist and movement surges all around it catches Prompto entirely off-guard. But not Cor. Cor rushes forward the second he sees that the explosives are removed and Prompto is being shoved away from them for the bomb squad to finish their work, and when Prompto stumbles Cor catches him. Relief floods through Cor's body like a breath of fresh air, and he wastes no time before dragging Prompto a few secure steps back. He's holding his son, and it's okay now.

Prompto cries for another while, not at all surprising given the rush and tension from the day, but he's at least safe. In a move uncharacteristically tender for Cor when they're anywhere other than the privacy of their home, he runs his hand through his son's soft hair and places a gentle kiss on his forehead. "You're okay Prom, you're okay."

The two are awarded some peace and quiet before Nyx comes to check on the two of them and provide them with the news that the bomb has been properly taken care of. When he does Cor gives him a grateful nod. He knows it's time for him to take Prompto home, but before that there's one last thing he needs to do.

"Make sure the security footage from today is thoroughly checked." Says Cor, his voice every bit as serious as the situation calls for. And now it's Nyx's turn to nod, knowing without needing to be told what he's on the lookout for. "I want them found and identified."

[vivithefolle]

I'm a bit confused. You said in one post that you thoroughly dislike Hermione and that you had no respect for her at all. Yet ... you like Romione? idk, it seems contradictory tbh. I like when Romione shippers acknowledge her flaws and messed up moments but when someone that dislike and even hate her character that much ships Romione and I see them posting about them and calling them "cute" just seems weird

I’ll share with you my whole thought process so you can understand where I’m coming from:

Itty-bitty Vivi who read Harry Potter for the first time (at 13/14, so not so itty-bitty I guess, oops): Woaaah Hermione and Ron yaay!!! They're awesome I love them! They're my OTP always and forever!! Best thing to happen in Harry Potter!! JKR is a genius!

Slightly less itty-bitty Vivi discovering the Harry Potter fandom online (thankfully years after the ship wars, else I probably wouldn't have survived): Why is there so much hate towards Ron? And why are people so opposed to Romione?? It was meant to be since the first book! Or, okay, the second book is when I realized it was gonna happen, but still! Oh well, here is a fic where Hermione berates Ron for everything and he is the only one actually working for their relationship. Cool, more Romione!

Even less itty-bitty Vivi starting her own Tumblr and going around, adding her grain of salt to debates and talking about stuff: Yeah! Ron is great! He's done bad things of course but Hermione has done her fair share of bad things too! Actually, now that I'm rereading the books, I'm reminded of this person I used to call a friend, who was quite smart and cultured but would often be very harsh to me because they claimed it was “for your own good" and “because I'm more mature than you"… I still wanted to be around them, because they were just so smart and passionate, but we often rowed and eventually they really just went too far and tried to make ME out to be the bad guy and most people believed them because they had a reputation as someone cool and logical while I was known for being emotional… wait, what the fuck, that's… that's exactly what happens in the fandom with Ron and Hermione! What the fuck, was I Ron? Admired their intelligence, praised and supported them, fell in love even but was met with scorn and open disdain?!… no, no, come on. Hermione wasn't that bad.

Vivi rereading Half-Blood Prince (and no, this wasn't about the canaries, but about what Hermione was doing after): Oh my god she was that bad.

Vivi as she ponders alternately: Wait, what about JK Rowling? What does she think about all that? What was her intention, what did she want to accomplish with the characters? I know books belong to their readers but if I want as objective an analysis as possible I must try to understand her thought process while she wrote.

Vivi learning about a staple of British literature called “literary alchemy”: The quarreling couple!! Sulfur and Mercury, the Red King and the White Queen, who must marry for the story to end happily!! And their union is represented by… a rose!! Oh my god, that is brilliant, that is so cool! Romione was ALWAYS going to happen, I knew it! Ha!

Vivi discovering the “[Ron] needed to make himself worthy of Hermione” quote: Wha… but… what? Worthy? As if Hermione was some sort of precious trophy or whatever? What the hell? Wait, Ron had to make himself worthy of her but Hermione didn't have to make herself worthy of him? Is it because Ron is the boy or some shit like that??

Vivi going through JK Rowling's interviews and finding sexism and double-standards galore: Yep, it's because he's the boy. And that bit about Hermione being based off herself when she was younger… ouch. And to top it off the scriptwriter pretty much worshipped Hermione…

Vivi rereading the books again: Is it just me, or does Ron hardly ever get any praise or acknowledgement from the adult characters? Meanwhile Harry and Hermione get stuff like “as good as Charlie Weasley" or “brightest witch of her age"! And, damn, I used to side with Hermione because I love cats, but she was completely awful in POA! She apologized but then the plot made her out to be right even then?? And I always thought her Yule Ball entrance was kinda over-the-top, but damn if that's not compensating for something! Also what the hell, I get that Harry is suffering and all but will someone PLEASE pay attention to the fact that Ron is being bullied BY A FOURTH OF THE STUDENT BODY AND NOBODY SEEMS EVEN REMOTELY CONCERNED????? Also what the hell is wrong with the sixth book, I never liked it much but it's like it's trying to make every character look bad, wtf?? And, and, holy shit I never noticed but Ron was asking legit questions during the Horcrux Hunt debate but Harry kept deflecting or mocking him but it's still Ron who had to apologize in the end??? And I've read a whole post about how Hermione punching Ron is the appropriate reaction for a very small child and not a supposedly “mature" character, and that Harry had to SHIELD RON FROM HER, oh my god?? It's… oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with JK Rowling?

Vivi, in denial: Well, Harry Potter is decidedly not a romance. It's about love, but romantic love is quite far down the priority list when it comes to it. JKR has herself confessed that she wasn't too good at writing romance, and I don't blame her because writing romance is hard. But I did enjoy Romione! When I was little I saw it coming from a mile away, granted I was already savvy in literature but that must have been because she was doing something right! And then the sixth book happened… the sixth book which… which was released after the Harry Potter movies were being filmed, wasn't it?

Vivi looking up the timelines: Oh my god. Oh my god it's even worse, the movies were being discussed before Goblet of Fire came out. Come to think of it, I always found that the Trio felt… different, after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry and Ron especially felt like they had gotten dumber? And Hermione was suddenly explaining everything when exposition used to be split between her and Ron…

Vivi, in mourning: So that's what happened. Ron ended up being shortchanged to make Hermione look better, because Rowling was fonder of Hermione than she was of Ron, and the scriptwriter too come to think of it. Curse you, Steve Kloves!!!

Vivi, who is nothing if not what Pokémon fans call a nostalgiafag: But… but… yeah, it sucks that Ron was shortchanged, and actually yeah it's a freaking travesty and I WILL freaking spread the world about this, mark my words, but, but I still… I can't help it, when Hermione “looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt" I melt too. When Ron compliments Hermione or tries to take care of her as much as he can I… it still does something to me, I still find myself rooting for them even if I know there's the awful sixth book and the stupid post-Locket beatdown. Their kiss, for God's sake, I've just realized that Ron may have swept Hermione off her feet physically, but it's Hermione who jumped him, you could say Hermione metaphorically swept Ron off his feet!! God damn it, that's good, that's so good!

Vivi, at war with herself: No, I can't let myself be blinded by nostalgia!! The facts are that Hermione shows borderline abusive - even actually abusive - behaviour, this can't be denied! I don't want to root for an abusive relationship! I don't want to root for a relationship that relies on my favourite character being dumbed down to work!!!

Vivi, about to uncover the secrets of the universe: … wait a second. I don't have to.

Vivi, having an epiphany: Reading Solstice Muse's Romione fanfics gives me such happiness because she just gets the characters! She doesn't portray Hermione as perfect and never fucking up, and she always treats what happens to Ron with respect… Well, especially since she can't play them off as a joke since she often makes Ron the POV character. But, yeah! I can still like Romione… if it's well-written. Which, well, isn't the case in the original books… at least, isn't the case anymore after Rowling's bias got the best of her. Even though they do have their great moments.

Vivi, finding purpose in her life: I am going to spread awareness. I am going to tell the world. Fuck, just rereading the books, I've noticed how blatant the favouritism is and how unbalanced it can be. No wonder the fandom seems to collectively scoff at Ron - the books themselves do whenever it's convenient for them! The fandom plays favourites, because the author herself played favourites, and the worst part is that she didn't even realize it! Imagine you spend your life getting into traumatic situations out of love for your friends who always receive compassion and validation for their feelings about said traumas, but YOUR trauma is hardly touched upon and in the rare case it is, it's only to be mocked or used against you… Fuck! You're a piece of work, JKR! And the fandom just swallows it whole like a bunch of lobotomized snakes! Screw it! Screw it, I'm going to say it like it is, and I'm going to say it LOUDLY! People are going to hear about what Ron goes through and we'll see if Harry and Hermione look like the only ones worthy of therapy then!!

Present day Vivi, as she scrolls through the (heavily filtered) Romione tag on AO3: Ugh, another Drarry… and another… and another… oh, a Hinny-centric fic for a change, cool but I'm looking for more Romione than that, sorry. Gah, why is it that Romione appears as a secondary ship everywhere but they can't get their own stories? I've just seen a Snupin come up for God's sake! Oh, finally, a full Romione!! *clicks* … … … awww that was so sweet. Kudos! Okay back to the search… oh, another one!! *clicks* … … … it's Ron-bashing. It's Ron-bashing and it's not tagged Ron-bashing and that's why it showed up in my search AND I'M GOING TO FREAKING RIOT-

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 127

Annnnd a-one, and a-two, and a queue-queue-queue!

This chapter has one of my favorite things in the world to write - Interpersonal relationships (if you are surprised, I’m going to assume you are new here....).

Specifically, one of my biggest pet-peeves is when friends or siblings are written in a way that shows that the author doesn’t actually have any friends or siblings they are close enough to that all rules of societal politeness go whizzing into some far-off dimension as soon as they are in proximity.

When I get to write a chapter with such close friends/ersatz-siblings and also have @baelpenrose cackling and egging me on, it literally makes my whole day.

P.S: If anyone has wondered about the ages of the characters, several are clearly lined out in this chapter......

EDIT: Fixed some insane formatting issues.

“The food festival, Sophia? Really?” an incredulous voice asked before the door to my office even opened all the way.

I resisted the urge to scream, but did surrender to pinching the bridge of my nose and breathing slowly. “Hello, Arthur. Do come in. Long time no see.  Of course I’m not busy…” My one day each week to have a few hours to myself - no mentees, no assistant, even Tyche was off work….

“We saw each other last night when I came over for dinner after sparring with Conor, and  you’re never busy on Saturdays, Alistair makes sure of it.” He dragged a chair in front of my desk for what I felt was the sole purpose of putting his boots on my desk instead of the conference table.

“I thought you two didn’t even like each other, how did you - “

He waved a hand dismissively. “Enemy of my best friend’s enemy is my friend, that sort of thing. Anyway - “

“Did you just call me my own worst - “

“You are, let’s not pretend otherwise. Anyway.” Arthur arched an eyebrow at me and waited for any further objections, but I couldn’t think of any. “The Food Festival. It’s my one favorite tradition on this ship until armed combat becomes a spectator sport, and you are putting Parvati and Hannah in charge of it?”

After a beat pause to make sure he was done, I glared at him. “Everyone has asked me that, and I don’t understand the issue.  They’ve both helped in the past, even before they started training to replace me.  I’ve handed more and more off to them each time, and they did great! Plus, they have three months, it will be fi - Wait, why do you even care, Arthur?”

He held up one finger with the authority of a deity who would have smited me if he could. “One, Parvati Fletcher does not like mapo tofu. You do. Specifically, you like it from that one vendor who grows her own Sichuan peppercorns and uses them like they are an infinite resource. Two, I spend entirely too much time working with Zach Khan, and he won’t shut up about how stressed Hannah is. Three - “ I was seriously starting to get concerned he actually could smite me at this point - “As much as I love you in the most platonic way possible, you are an obsessive, compulsive perfectionist who insists on doing everything herself and running herself into the ground so that everyone else has the time of their lives. So why are you trusting this, the largest and oldest event on the Ark, entirely to other people?” Dropping his boots from the desk, he leaned forward, palms down until we were nearly nose to nose.

“Sophia Reid, I swear on any god I can kill if you are dying…”

“WHAT!?” I squawked, jerking back and standing so fast I knocked my chair over. “For the love of little fish, I’m not dying! I haven’t had a near death experience in four years, thank you.”

“Three, not counting the fact that there is a reason Alistair makes you drink anything through a straw anymore.”

“How did - Nevermind.” I shook my head and tried to focus on the topic at hand. “No, I’m not dying. Nor am I injured, having a midlife crisis, rethinking my life choices any more than I ever do, or so much as in possession of a stuffy nose.” Taking a deep breath, I rolled my eyes and started counting off before I could stop myself. “Conor and Maverick and I are fine. No, I’m not arguing with Tyche again. Yes, I’m still going to therapy. Else is fine. No new sentient plagues or rogue cult leaders that I’m aware of. Nor have I become immortal, queen of the universe, savior of humanity, pregnant by Noah, or possessed.” Carefully, I picked my chair back up and sat down.

“Good...to… know?” He gave me a funny look. “Who asked the most disturbing one?”

“Immortal or Savior of Humanity?” I asked for clarification. “Those were Maverick and Derek, respectively.”

The look only got worse. “I meant ‘pregnant by Noah’, but fascinating to see where your priorities lie….?”

“Oh. That was Charly.”

“Dammit,” he swore softly. “I had her pegged for ‘possessed’.”

“I’m pretty sure she is, but the suggestion that I am came from Tyche, on no fewer than 3 occasions, by 4 different entities. She seemed pretty hopeful that Else was potentially mind-controlling me in an effort to make me take a nap,” I admitted.

“That tracks.” A nod of approval prefaced the question I had been avoiding - successfully, thus far, I might add. “Now that you’ve ruled out every possible plausible reason that you would entrust this to literally anyone other than a clone of yourself, why?”

“Why what?” My face was composed in an expression of innocence so convincing that I probably deserved an Oscar.

“I can and will convince Charly to turn all your coffee to decaf, so help me, Sophia.”

Realizing that he was, legitimately, worried about me and at the limits of his usually-impressive patience, I held up my hands in surrender. “Fine. You get the scoop.  Please record this and send me the loop, so I can just flick it at people who ask, please?” When he nodded, I exhaled slowly.  “It is no secret to anyone that I never wanted this job. I made the mistake of establishing the Food Festival, which as you point out is the largest event of the cycle on the Ark - the last three years, literally everyone attended in some capacity.” When he opened his mouth to argue, I held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t get me wrong. I love the Festival. What basically started out as a potluck because we were homesick and needed to meet - you know, the rest of humanity - is a huge, three day holiday.  It’s amazing!” I spun in my chair, arms flung wide for emphasis, before stopping to face him. 

“It also consumes my life, for months, to prepare for.  And that’s just implementing changes to make it more accessible so people don’t miss out! That doesn’t include adding things to make it more interesting or keep it from getting boring, or whatever. I literally don’t have time to do any of that!”

“So, you’re inflicting this on them instead?”

“Inflicting?” I snorted.  “Hardly. This is their final exam, their capstone project, their dissertation.  If they pull this off, I will gladly hand the entire office over to whoever is elected, cheerfully and knowing the Ark is in good hands.  But, they have to pull this off.  It’s the only major part of being Councilor of Resources and Relations that they haven’t done yet by themselves.”

He rubbed his face, looking somewhat impressed. “That’s honestly not what I was expecting.”

“I don’t think it ever is, honestly.” I shrugged at the question he glanced towards me. “For Evan, it was coordinating the weapons exhibitions.  Charly managed to pre-empt her own by designing more efficient aqueducts and filtration for when we reach Von - you know, the ones that also produce light?”

“Of course she would invent glow-in-the-dark plumbing. Who else?” Something caught up with him. “Evania Josue got away with planning an event? Seriously?”

“Oh, that’s right… you weren’t on Level One…” I murmured. When he only looked more confused, I clarified. “She was Maverick’s co-pilot when we needed people to pilot the Ark, which was not designed to pilot manually, via dead reckoning, using cameras pointed out the few viewports we have, for several weeks after the sensors were sabotaged.”

“She was whose co-pilot?”

“You really never heard this story? You practically live with seven people who were there…”

“Usually I get the bits about ‘Sophia nearly got her brains bashed out’ and ‘that traitorous bitch’, then start tuning out while I try to decide what it would take to get Charly to teach me necromancy… If Evan was the co-pilot, then why is Maverick….”

“Not in line to replace any Councilors? Arthur, we know that would be a disaster for him.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Your younger partner is a nice boy.”

“For fuck’s sake, he’s thirty seven!” I groaned.

“Nice man, whatever,” he waved off. “Which is exactly what I would like for you as a partner. You need nice partners, and blunt siblings. But I see what you mean about him being a Councilor… he’d be miserable.”

“What was yours?” I asked mischievously, dropping my chin onto my hands.

That earned me a flat stare, until he finally surrendered when I didn’t flinch. “The Twentieth/Early Twenty First History curriculum.”

“Seriously?” That had literally been the first thing he had done when Eino tapped him as a possible successor.

“I didn’t budge on points even he admitted he would have, out of fear of offending people.”

“Which is a fear you very much lack,” I pointed out.

“The truth is the truth. Coating it in sugar only makes it taste worse.” He shrugged nonchalantly before suddenly looking dangerously like he was thinking again. “There’s two of them.”

“Yes, Arthur. Hanna and Paravati are, in fact, two distinct and separate women-type-lady-people.”

“Thank you, Fee, I was well aware.” I suppressed a growl at the nickname - he knew I hated it. “I meant, only one can win the election, smartass.”

“Better to be a smartass than a dumbass,” I muttered.

“Sophia, you are forty five. Please grow up just a hair?”

“Tyche doesn’t want to be HR forever, you know.”

That brought his mind to a visibly screeching halt. “Wait, what?”

“What what?” I asked. “She does it because she is phenomenal at it, but it isn’t her passion.  She only stuck around as long as she did to make sure I didn’t trip over a chair and brain myself while I was at work.  When I’m gone, she’s gone, loser take the spoils.”

He whistled softly before shaking his head. “It’s bizarre to think of you two retiring around the same time I’m just starting the position.”

“I’ll have been a Councilor for a decade when I step down,” I pointed out.  I almost included unless I die first, but that never seemed to be as funny as I thought it was.

“But you aren’t that much older than me,” he sighed dramatically. “Anti-aging technology is frustrating.”

“Annnnd this is a natural extension of your career, with a ten year break thereabouts the middle.”  My grin was so bright it made him scowl before I finally got a begrudging smile.  “Think of it as getting elected head of the school board.”

The groan he let out probably echoed for several levels throughout the ship. I had basically just pointed out that he was becoming that which he most hated.

Or not. He seemed to recover with a gleam in his eye. “Pfft. Dean of Students, at the very least.”

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[avelera]

A few fun notes I’ve picked up on the Crusades, as would be relevant to Nicky and Joe, courtesy of leaving Great Courses lectures on in the background while doing other stuff (meaning if you’re a huge fan of the history of the Crusades you definitely know more than me):

- Nicolò di Genova could have been one of several, not necessarily mutually exclusive things before embarking on the Crusade - the second son of a wealthy/noble family (it would explain how he could afford the journey and weapons/armor), a poor brigand (one reason the Pope called the Crusades was to redirect European infighting and banditry) and/or a devout Christian who was spiritually moved by Pope Urban II’s call to arms. The devout option does not necessarily preclude either of the previous two possibilities, because the Pope promised total forgiveness of ALL sins (before and during) committed in one’s life and during the Crusades, so those who may have turned to banditry out of desperation but felt guilty for their immortal souls could have also been lured by the promise of spiritual reward, not just material reward.

- I’m going to go out on a limb and say Nicky was part of the Princes’ Crusade in 1096, the official one that Pope Urban wanted and I distinguish because there was a thing called the Peasants Crusade before of people who rose to the call but were, unfortunately, all non-fighting men, peasants, kids, fanatics, etc. and it went... badly. Very badly. The “crusaders” themselves (which means “cross bearers” btw) were pretty awful and killed a lot of innocent people on their way to the Holy land, and then they were wiped out when they got to Turkey anyway, and likely Nicky would be aware of these events (or even saw the piled bodies on his way to Jerusalem, if you want to go for a dramatic scene). 

I’m guessing Nicky was with the Princes’ Crusade because he actually got to the Holy Land AND again, because he’s got armor (according to the comic flashbacks) which was pretty damn expensive. (A Watsonian rationale, the Doylist one is that Rucka was going for the image of foreign knights fighting in full plate and may not have thought out all the class and wealth implications of them having that armor). Oh, and Nicky if he traveled with the Princes’ Crusade in 1096 would have spent some time in Constantinople (November-April) while on his way there. 

- The Crusaders captured Antioch before they made it to Jerusalem. I’m not sure The Old Guard clarifies which battle he and Joe first encountered each other in, it might have been Antioch, but I’m going to say it wasn’t, for several reasons. One, because of the credits that lists 1099, the year after, when Jerusalem fell, which was the last year of the First Crusade. (The other famous crusade, the Second Third Crusade of Orlando Bloom’s “Kingdom of Heaven” fame isn’t for almost 50 years after that.) And further, while it’s possible that Nicky fought Joe in Antioch before the Crusaders even made it to Jerusalem, but the push-pin in the map is also in Jerusalem and it’s where the most famous events of the First Crusade happened (and I’m not sure Rucka would be able to resist), so just from a dramatic standpoint too I think they probably fought in Jerusalem. 

- To just couch it in a scene for a second, the Crusaders seeing Jerusalem for the first time was, by all accounts, breathtaking. It was a profoundly spiritual moment for these people who had taken up arms to fight for their God and traveled for years across strange lands and lost many of their compatriots to the fighting in Antioch as well as starvation/thirst/exhaustion/disease along the way, to reach this holiest of holy sites in the Christian canon. 

- Unfortunately, the sight of Jerusalem might be the last moment of beauty we can expect from the European Crusaders. The accounts of the sack of Jerusalem are horrifying. The Crusaders laid siege to Jerusalem for just over a month, and once inside the gates, they massacred every single person in the city, until blood flowed through the streets.

- (Side note: if Nicky didn’t arrive with the main Crusader force coming over land through Turkey, he probably arrived instead with Genoese merchants who also brought the supplies needed to make the siege engines that broke through the walls, so it is possible Nicky was with them and came by boat, in which case he may feel a different kind of guilt for the atrocities that followed.)

- Having claimed the city, the Crusaders established the Kingdom of Jerusalem which would endure just barely over a hundred years. There would be constant fighting between Seljuks and the Crusaders throughout that century, complicated alliances between the Crusaders and the Seljuk’s rivals, the Fatimid Caliphate. Basically, you’d need to be a scholar or read something by a scholar who understands this much better than me to unwind it all. 

When did Joe and Nicky meet in all of this? Is the Siege of Jerusalem the setting of their first mutual murder of one another? Or did they meet at a later battle? A lot of that is up to the writer, because based on the line about how they’d been taught to hate one another, one could take away that they’d been on either side of the conflict for a while, at least long enough to build up some animosity towards the other side, before they encountered each other. Or, one could take the line to mean that Nicky and Joe met early in the conflict, and had only the hatred they’d been taught driving them to fight. 

Certainly the clash of the Franks, as the Seljuks called them (a word that is still found as a root for “foreigner” in Arabic to this day) or the Saracens, as the Christians called them, was a moment that was not, shall we say, hampered by sympathy on either side. The men of the other army must have been foreign and terrifying to both sides, both saw the other as infidels to the true faith, both had more or less a free pass by their religion and circumstances to not even see the other side as human (but, let’s remember, the Europeans were the invaders and the atrocities they committed are too lengthy and horrifying to go into here). 

If Nicky and Joe had stayed in the Levant throughout the events of the following centuries of Crusades (perhaps together now? perhaps still on opposite sides for some time?) they could have been caught up in a rich and complicated world of the clash of civilizations between Europe and the Middle East, Christianity and Islam, met major historical figures like Richard the Lionheart and Saladin (or, An-Nasir Salah ad-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub if we’re being accurate) the latter of which is one of the greatest examples of chivalry the world has ever known, to an extent that was hailed even by Europeans (seriously, it’s some Hollywood-level stuff, Saladin is amazing and would be the obvious hero in any historical fiction set during the Second or Third Crusade, I could see Yusuf sticking around just to serve him and Nicky even switching sides to do so, especially compared to the leadership on the European side and bastards like Raynald of Châtillon, but again, for a fun intro to these events watch “Kingdom of Heaven” with a heavy grain of salt). 

A few final notes, before this becomes its own lecture on the Crusades. With regards to homophobia, it might not have been quite as present as many modern readers would assume. And you might be surprised by who would have been more OK with it. 

- On the European side, homosexuality was a sin, sure, but pretty much all non-procreative sexual practices were a sin and it wasn’t as fiercely persecuted in the early 11th century as it would come to be later. This is not to say homosexuality was celebrated, but the punishment you’d receive was basically a civil punishment for being caught, needing to do penance for a few months to a year, not execution or torture or anything like that. 

- And let’s remember throughout history, men have had few limitations enforced on their sex lives as long as they also fulfilled their duties to their families and the Church and that going on Crusade meant all of your sins were wiped away, before, during, and after (which is probably what led to the uninhibited nature of the atrocities committed by the Crusaders and I mean seriously, even the Pope who ordered the Crusades was horrified when he heard what happened). 

So what I’m saying is, even if someone like Nicky was worried about going to Hell for having sex with men (and really, it would not be the #1 sin to be concerned about by any means in those times) he wouldn’t have to worry specifically while on Crusade. He’s in the clear at least as far as his immortal soul goes, though social censure could be another matter (assuming everyone else even cared about social censure too). Actually, it would be funny if Nicky’s generally relaxed demeanor in the modern era around murders and stuff is because as far as he’s concerned, he’s still got that Papal order saying all his sins are cleared because he joined the Crusades, lol. 

- Meanwhile, on Joe’s side, we’re still in a time period that’s called the Islamic Golden Age where social strictures are relatively relaxed compared to what they’ll be at other points in Islamic history (sweeping generalization! please take it as such!) but it’s worth noting that Abu Nuwas, one of the most famous and acclaimed Islamic poets, wrote a ton of love poetry in the 700s and a not inconsiderable portion of that love poetry was devoted to homosexual love. Meaning, yeah, Yusuf wouldn’t just be able to quote poetry at Nicolò, he could quote specifically gay poetry at Nicolò, from one of his culture’s most renowned poets. 

Similar to Europe, if my research is correct, homosexuality was pretty accepted, at least it’s not a high-priority punishable crime for men of privilege during this era the way it would be in some later eras. I don’t want to expound much more on Joe’s side because it’s definitely the one I have less knowledge of and authority to speak about but I will leave you, if you’ve made it this far, with the fact that being two men in love with each other when they met was much less of a serious issue than being two infidels (to the other’s religion) would have been, from a social standpoint.

[ducktracy]

182. little red walking hood (1937)

release date: november 6th, 1937

series: merrie melodies

director: tex avery

starring: elvia allman (little red walking hood, granny), tedd pierce (wolf), mel blanc (elmer)

buckle up! this is a “lengthy prologue” piece!

perhaps one of tex avery’s most formative cartoons in his career. little red walking hood serves as the first fairy tale spoof of his, a genre that would pop up time and time again in his warner bros. cartoons and even over at MGM (perhaps most famously the red hot riding hood series). not only that, but it’s the first cartoon to debut a purely comic villain—villains in previous pictures had comedic touches, of course, but the wolf (voiced by story man tedd pierce, whose vocals are quite underrated—you may recognize him as tom dover from the dover boys at pimento university) is purely made out to be a rather pathetic, unscrupulous adversary from the very beginning.

even more interesting is that the bulk of the cartoon’s backgrounds are done entirely in colored pencils, by avery background artist johnny johnson, who moved with him to MGM when tex left WB in 1941. the handling on the backgrounds are nothing short of stellar! they truly accentuate the “fairy tale” look and feel of the piece.

maybe the most notable, however, is the debut of tex’s third character of 1937: elmer fudd. i covered this in my review of egghead rides again, and you can read more into the differences between egghead (another 1937 avery character) and elmer here, but the bulbous nosed, derby hat donning little man traipsing around with his guitar case is our favorite befuddled hunter. many have labeled this guy as egghead, and understandably so—they’re eerily similar in more ways than one, and “prototype elmer fudd” is much more monotonous than “egghead”, but this is indeed our favorite little hunter! humble beginnings for sure.

the film burlesques the age-old story of little red riding hood, complete with katherine hepburn little red riding hoods, gin guzzling grannies, nonthreatening wolves, fourth wall breaks, and mysterious whistling men.

already, the cartoon marks an intriguing open, with the title card playing into the action itself: the title card serves as the title of a book, opening to divulge the fractured fairy-tale before us. a cliche, sure, and it was one even by 1937, but with tex avery at the helm, audiences can be reassured that it’s all tongue in cheek. “the mean old wolf was lurking in a nearby pool hall” asserts as such.

indeed, the mean old wolf was lurking in a nearby pool hall--or, rather, cheating. he pulls the lever of a pinball machine, lifting up the machine and tilting it so as to guide the ball in the right hole. the animation of the wolf is spaced and timed nicely, with just enough urgency to convey his commitment to cheating. sticking his tongue out in concentration is a nice plus as well. the drawings themselves aren’t the most pleasing, consisting primarily of mathematically proportioned circles and spheres, but such is life. 

close up on the pinball itself circling around the jackpot hole, teetering away to the “OUT” hole at the last second. a minute in, and we already see that this villain is far removed from the mustache twirling, cape-hugging villains that dominated earlier cartoons. instead, we know that this wolf is a loser. carl stalling’s constipated rendition of “old king cole” adds a nice level of sardonic commentary to the wolf’s authority (or lack thereof).

little red riding hood strolling outside the pool hall easily distracts the wolf from his oncoming tantrum. like red hot riding hood 6 years later, the wolf here is instantly charmed, catcalling and preparing to pounce. off-putting as this may seem at first glance, considering little red riding hood is, well, a child, the kicker is that here, she serves as an imitation of katherine hepburn, in both mannerisms and dialect. so, rather than dealing with a naive, innocent girl on her way to grandma’s house, we’ve instead got a hollywood star with her nose in the air, haughtily avoiding the wolf’s advances. (of course, catcalling grown women isn’t any better, but just as a note to dispel any confusion.)

the wolf drives alongside snooty little red in his pompous jaundice-stricken limo, his advances getting nowhere. time to pull out the big guns:

his license plate, reading 0-7734, flips upside down to spell “hello”, with the taillight opening and closing to simulate a wink. clever indeed! it’s some interesting food for thought to imagine how much more exaggerated in speed and tone this gag would have been had this cartoon been made at mgm, though  i suppose red hot riding hood answers that question.

ignored once more, the wolf opts to halt the car and hassle red himself. “hello, pretty girl! going my way, babe?”

irv spence’s animation is the most appealing all throughout the picture, and his scenes of red here are no exception. the underrated elvia allman provides red’s katherine hepburn impression--tex LOVED his hepburn impressions, and they would bubble up in his cartoons time and time again. the gag itself would have been much more riotous 83 years ago than it is now, but even then, the idea of little red riding hood speaking with such a sophisticated and haughty tone is enough to be funny. 

the contrast between the wolf’s sneering vocals and red’s lengthy speech couldn’t be better. red instantly puts the wolf in his place: “rea-lly, in this modern age of flaming youth, the girl has to put up with such embarrassing situations. rea-lly, we do, don’t we, girls? two thirds of you girls out there have gone through just what i’m going through now. you know how it is, don’t you, girls?” amen to that, sister! (bob clampett would play off of this in his swan song, the big snooze, as an elmer fudd in drag asks the girls in the audience how they deal with such harassment.) spence’s animation is visually appealing in design and also just plain funny.

despite red’s blatant dismissal of his advances, the wolf continues to persue her, tipping his hat as he approaches a stoplight. the stoplight opts to give him a good dose of karma as the light turns from green to red, the “STOP” flag popping out and giving the wolf a nice whack in the face.

however, the wolf has more important matters than glaring at a pesky stoplight—offscreen whistling catches his ears.

irv spence animates the stupendous, colossal, magnificent debut of elmer fudd as he struts across the street, blatantly interrupting the flow of the picture. his slow, carefree movements, the wolf’s visual contempt, and the exclusion of background music altogether accentuate elmer’s interruption. purposeful innocuousness and tastefully so!

back to the wolf at the stoplight, the “GO” sign providing one more whack in the face for good measure. wolf speeds off to hassle his victim even more.

as we’ve seen before, the song portion of merrie melodies has largely been dropped around this time, with little blurbs of songs serving as loose substitutes. here, said substitute is “gee, but you’re swell,” sung in a talk-songy drawl by tedd pierce as he relentlessly struggles to charm red. pierce’s vocals are hilarious, especially contrasted with the closeup of red blatantly ignoring his egotistical remarks. she gives him the cold shoulder, icicles logically forming to accentuate the metaphor. a standard gag, but it juxtaposes so well against the wolf’s inane dribble in the background that it’s hard to roll your eyes too strongly at it.

so caught up in inflating his own ego, the wolf fails to notice the approaching mailbox on the sidewalk, which delivers a hearty reality check as he konks his head against it. red urges him to leave her alone, bidding him goodbye with a haughty “scram, romeo, scram!”

our beloved hero, the whistling, intrusive elmer fudd conveniently pops out of the mailbox, toting a sign pointing directly to grandma’s house. the malice from before at fudd’s presence is gone, replaced by gratitude from the wolf. he peels off down the alley, his limo snaking around every curve. both this and the random appearance of elmer are precursors to tex avery staple gags, especially his time at MGM. amazing how formative a single cartoon can be!

at the beginning, i said that “the bulk of” the cartoon’s backgrounds are done in colored pencil. the pan of backgrounds while the wolf is driving to grandma’s house, whizzing past a hitchhiker elmer in the process, are done in paint. the backgrounds are still just as gorgeous! yet the change does serve as a little food for thought.

like always in a tex avery cartoon, his comedic timing is succint: wolf finally pulls up to grandma’s house, elmer nonchalantly chilling on the back tire--despite the wolf’s purposeful disregard for him on the street, making a point to gun the car past him. the matter of factness of the gag is solid. the cartoon’s main priority is breaking the fourth wall rather than telling a story, yet in this case, that’s a good thing. it’s done well and with awareness.

mr. wolf approaches the doorstep of grandma’s abode, knocking on the door many more times than necessary with a hilariously inflated level of sophistication. he breaks his smooth, cool façade to guffaw a radio catchphrase (this time from the al pearce show): “i hope ol’ grandma’s home, i hope, i hope, i hope, i hope, i hope...” this catchphrase would be found in more short than one, bubbling up in a number of bob clampett porky cartoons as well.

an elderly “who’s there?” answers the wolf’s knocks from behind the door. the wolf puts on his best falsetto, cooing “it’s me! little red riding habit!”

we get a glimpse of granny from behind the door, who opens the little door window to see her guest. realizing that she’s met face to face with the wolf, who jabs his mug through the window, granny is quick to slam the door shut, bursting out into an impromptu rendition of “river, stay ‘way from the door” (sung as “wolf, stay ‘way from my door”.) the random song intervention clues us in that granny is in on the fourth wall-breaking as well--the delivery of the gag is quite similar to the mama parrot from i wanna be a sailor bursting into a rendition of “old black joe”.

irv spence takes over as the wolf struggles to pry the door open. suddenly, he freezes in his tracks at the sound of the telltale, offscreen whistling--elmer has arrived. the befuddled stare from the wolf as he watches elmer nonchalantly strut into granny’s house, opening the door without any hint of struggle, is priceless, as is his face-gripping agony. irv spence is tex’s best animator for a reason!

as a last resort, the wolf body slams himself into the door. little red riding hood has now turned into a tale of the three little pigs. he overestimates his own strength, and ends up darting inside, yet he stumbles backwards from the impact and trips backwards throughout the entire layout of the house. the gag is reminiscent of a similar gag from i only have eyes for you, an early 1937 avery entry--another elvia allman voiced elderly woman chases a hapless victim through the house, both of them gliding along a vertical pan set up exactly like this one. this is funny already here, but imagine the speed and lengths this gag would have been inflated to had tex completed this cartoon at MGM! 

granny is on the offense. the wolf barrels through the kitchen, where she’s standing on guard with the kitchen door. she opens the door, allows the wolf to barrel on out, and locks it shut. granny: 1, wolf: 0. 

cue a tired gag that’s been around since the bosko days (and beyond): wolf rams into a tree, shrinking up into his bowler hat. bowler hat runs around aimlessly with big ol’ shoes sticking out until he finally manages to free himself. the animation of the wolf being freed from the bowler hat IS rather nice--the accordion style wrinkles and folds serve as a precursor to some wild animation later on. it reminds me particularly of rod scribner’s animation in bob clampett’s cartoons.  

on the topic of gags old and new, the wolf engages in a gag that would be reused in a number of cartoons, including avery’s thugs with dirty mugs just two years later. the wolf grabs the doorknob, physically pulling it back and letting it shoot up against the door. the window panes thusly light up in a flurry of changing, rapid light squares: four yellow diagonal squares align, and the wolf is granted entrance into the house, triumphant fanfare and all. seems the wolf doesn’t need to cheat to win at pinball (doorknob-ball?) after all! if you look closely, you’ll see that the double exposures still linger as the wolf darts past the door and into the house.

cue the great fight: wolf v. granny. wolf aimlessly chases granny through the kitchen, both of them climbing on the furniture, granny whooping and hollering all the way. the phone rings, delaying their chase--granny hops on the chair to answer the phone, taunting the wolf: “ah-ah,” she chides, displaying her crossed fingers of immunity, “king’s x!” the deliberate time-out and show-stopping is great. this cartoon is filled to the brim with interruptions and halts, yet they don’t at all feel overused or banal. tex was a master of his craft.

granny takes the call while the wolf glowers on impatiently. more fourth-wall breaking as granny begs the audience for forgiveness: “will you people pardon me just a minute? let me see now, one dozen eggs... it’s the grocer, folks...” elvia allman’s vocals are excellent, conveying that comedic awkwardness with a great balance of authenticity and cheekiness. the head tilt indicating the phone as she talks to the audience is another plus.

tedd pierce’s vocals aren’t to be overlooked, either. his “AW, C’MON, GRANDMA!!!” is the perfect topper as granny rambles on the phone. she ends her call by sneering “and a case of gin!” to the grocer before hanging up and telling the audience the chase is back on (”heeeere we go again!”)

granny seeks refuge in the closet, the wolf greeted by elmer again as he opens the door. instead of fighting it, the wolf just heaves a dubious shrug towards the audience. irv spence animation once again--he draws the wolf’s eyes in a comparatively distinct manner. the irises are much smaller than the work of the other animators.

the wolf darts inside the closet, where he finds a conveniently placed nightgown hanging near the door. he looks under the skirt, prompting a disembodied hand to smack him in the face for such uncouth behavior. now confused, the wolf opts to peer into one of the sleeves, where granny’s hand pops out to squeeze and honk his nose daffy duck style.

their game of cat and mouse (or is it wolf and granny?) is interrupted by knocking on the front door, and the telltale, floaty voice of “it is i, red riding hood, grandmother!”

cue panic mode. the wolf hurriedly asks granny to give him “the stuff”, and she offers her bonnet, glasses, and shawl with a sense of camaraderie. this is entirely a performance, not a retelling of a story. these characters are hyper-aware actors who are not what they portray. 

tex’s speed, from the wolf finding granny to her offering her clothes to him diving in granny’s bed, flows incredibly well. everything happens all at once! there’s hardly any time to breathe. the urgency of the situation is very much alive and real, but also playfully so. the whole cartoon feels like a game of hide and seek in a way.

thus, we’re treated to the old routine that everyone knows, with red inquiring about the wolf’s “large optics” and “large schnozzola”. even she understands the overplayed nature of her performance, halting midsentence to quip at the audience “rather childish and a bit silly, don’t you think?” while the scene does drag, it’s purposeful and successful at doing so. there’s a noticeable contrast between the pacing of this scene and the scenes prior.

yet, in no-time, we’re back to the adrenaline rush, with the wolf lunging out of the bed and chasing a shrieking red. tedd pierce’s vocal talents are not to go undermined--he’s genuinely fun to listen to. interestingly, he didn’t write this cartoon--cal howard did. who, i may add, dabbled in a little bit of voice acting himself, voicing gabby goat in get rich quick porky!

irv spence takes over for the remainder of the cartoon, and his animation is gorgeous all the way. the wolf corners red, who swings haymakers at him, stopping only to gloat towards the audience “silly way to make a living, don’t you think?” such a stark contrast at the drop of a hat! predictable, perhaps, but who can be mad at it? this is a very likable cartoon. while all of the warner bros. directors of this period are quite talented, it most certainly belongs under tex avery’s name--think of how different in demeanor and timing this would be as a frank tashlin cartoon (who DID rival tex in terms of speed), a friz freleng cartoon, and a bob clampett cartoon. with tex, it’s in good hands.

the brawl continues, only to be halted by another interruption. no, it’s not because of offscreen whistling! signaling for red to stop, the wolf casts a steely glower at the figure of two silhouettes moving across the screen, sneering snide remarks--late moviegoers who interrupt the flow of the cartoon. provided my memory serves me correctly, this is the first WB cartoon to integrate rotoscoping. it was a technique invented by max flesicher in 1915, where animators would trace over live action footage, frame by frame.

tex would use this countless times, both at WB and MGM. his efforts pay off even now, watching this on a laptop screen, but just IMAGINE the impact this would have in a packed, dark theater, where even the CARTOON CHARACTERS stop to ridicule the audience! imagine just how revolutionary that was the first time this was showed! what an absolute riot! tex was a genius. the characters truly feel alive and with us. this was a very real problem, too, and a timeless one--someone scooching past you in the all too narrow row, bumping your knees, spilling their popcorn on you in the process... the characters on screen connect with the audience, bonding over a universal occurrence. imagine just how much of an uproar this would cause back then in theaters. genius!

after the wolf is done guilt-tripping his latecomers, the fight continues for a few seconds more, halted once again by the fudd himself, strolling across the screen. finally, the wolf reaches his breaking point: “hey BUD! hey, just a minute, bud! now, who the HECK are you, anyway?”

mr. fudd guffaws his first words in a stereotypical dopey drawl: “who, me?” note how his eyes open for a change! he opens his guitar case, where a mallet is carefully stored inside. not a beat is wasted as he knocks the wolf over the head with the mallet, elmer remarking in his hayseed voice “huh huh huh huh, i’m the HERO in this picture!”

iris out...

or so we think.

what a game changing piece of animation. this isn’t the tex avery cartoon to beat all cartoons by any means, but it packs a lot of weight. it’s extremely formative in tex’s career. numerous gags--such as the rotoscoped silhouettes, the stretching limo hugging the curves on the street, the constant wall-breaking and interruptions--and even story structures (think of all of the countless fairy tale parodies that came after this!) would be used not just by tex, but by his friends and colleagues, whether at WB or elsewhere. 

in the grand scheme of things, the plot is barebones. the wolf goes to grandma’s house. the wolf chases little red riding hood. that’s really all it is. yet it’s the details what give it substance, and the purposeful delivery of such. this isn’t a faithful retelling of a beloved story, that’s out the window. these characters are hyper-aware characters essentially massacring an old fairy tale. yet its the conviction of such that makes it so strong. it’s not really a “haha, look, i broke the fourth wall, i’m instantly funny! show’s over” deal--it’s just riding that momentum and expanding the picture on it. “oh, the story keeps getting interrupted. okay. let’s continue to interrupt it and make the characters increasingly aware of such, with the reasons for interruption growing more and more bizarre.”

while this isn’t nearly as bizarre as tex’s later pieces at MGM, it’s a great start. WB wasn’t completely free of its disney influence. pieces like these further remove the disney influence for sure, but 1937 is still very early on. this is such a game-changer in comparison to previous cartoons. 

tex’s dry-spell is over, and cartoons are on the upswing from here. things are going to get real funny and real loony. i definitely urge you to go watch this cartoon--it’s not the most revolutionary piece of animation on the planet, but it’s a wonderfully funny cartoon that still holds up today, and it serves as an interesting comparison point for future cartoons.

you can go watch it on HBO max, or you can check it out right here! enjoy!

[ask-nora-blue-niverse]

Welcome to Ask-Nora-Blue-Niverse! This is my FAQ Page dedicated to the AU. Please feel free to read here first, as it’ll prevent multiple of the same asks.

On hiatus until further notice. (Sorry.)

Q. What is this AU and what will it offer?

This is a take on the show Steven Universe in the form of an AU, featuring Nora, the daughter of Blue Diamond and Greg. This AU will be displayed through asks, posts, and occasional comics. This blog is run by @maxgalaxies , who writes and illustrates all original content concerning this AU. This AU will only be distributed via Tumblr, so please follow if you’d like to stay updated on the story.

Q. Where can I read the offical comic?

You can find the first page of my comic HERE.

Each page of the comic posted will have links below, giving a first, previous, and next link for the pages. You can also look for the tag #ANB Comic as well. Older comics will be labeled with @ask-nora-blue-niverse but more recent comics and art concerning the AU will use the sideways blue diamond symbol to show that it was made by the proper creator.

Q. When is the comic updated?

As of this post being currently updated, I don’t have a set upload schedule, but the dream goal is to release a page or couple of panels every week. Being quite honest, I���m not a sequential artist, but I’m passionate about Steven Universe and this AU, and I want to grow my abilities as an artist. Thank you for standing by as I work my way through the progress of establishing the comic, as well as my drawing abilities.

Q. Who can I send my asks to?

You can send them and ask any character shown so far in the comics of the AU, as well as the creator of the AU (myself.)

Q. Blue Diamond is MASSIVE. How does Nora fit that Gem in there?

Honestly I’ve taken liberties with the scale of her gem, but it fully affects her weight and balance carrying it around. The full gem does not protrude from her chest, a lot is inside her body holding it in place. It takes up her entire chest and reaches into her width of her shoulders like so:

Q. Does Nora have a reference sheet?

She does! Below is the most recent made reference of Nora. What is shown in the reference is what has been shown in the AU thus far, and will update as parts are added to the story.

Q. Do the Crystal Gems exist in this AU? What about other characters?

The Crystal gems do exist in this AU, as of their references based on Season 1 of the actual show, but changed to fit the story. Here are the most recent character references. As for additional characters not shown, they may or may not be implemented, but characters such as lapis and peridot will be, as well as a chance for some original characters to appear based on story events as needed. Nora will be romantically involved with Connie similar to canon Steven!

Q. What’s different about this plot besides other AU’s and the offical show?

The events of Rose Quartz and her rebellion have still taken place. The Diamonds also proceeded to use the corruption blast on the planet earth, and have assumed the rebellion to be halted. The main difference is that Greg met Blue Diamond as Moonstone Quartz on earth, rather than meeting Rose Quartz. There is no Steven as the canon show gives us, but Nora instead. She does not know she is the daughter of Blue Diamond. No one as of now is aware that she is Blue Diamond as far as we know. The Crystal Gems however, differ from the canon show, as they have not raised Steven, but rather, have resumed work on being the Crystal Gems and the rebellion. Blue Diamond was NOT part of the rebellion, and met Greg much later around the time Canon Greg and Rose had met. You can find the first written story HERE.

Q. What’s up with Homeworld in this AU?

It’s very safe to say that this will definitely be touched upon in the comic, as I already have most of the story planned up until the end of normal Steven Universe. But what I can say that all that’s left of the authority is White Diamond and Yellow. Anything past this is considered spoilers until further elaborated.

Q. Will there be a future version of Nora?

Here’s what I have so far!

Q. Will Nora fuse? And with who?

I plan on having her fuse with the main cast as Steven did, as well as possible extra fusions I deem fit for story, or maybe just for my pleasure.

Q. I want to fuse my OC or another character with Nora or another gem!

Awesome! You can draw whatever fan art or fusions you’d like, please just tag the AU at @ask-nora-blue-niverse so that I can see it and have proper credit, or send it to me as an ask and I will feature you in the post! I love crossovers, and between the comic, my work, and my other creative obligations I don’t get too much time to make my own fan art. So I love seeing what others come up with. Please don’t use my Nora design specifically for other purposes such as claiming as OC art or writing for my exact AU. You can write fan fiction or anything else with proper credit.

Q. What about Blue Diamond? How did she get to earth? How did she leave Homeworld?

I guess you’ll just have to stay tuned to find out!

F. About the artist/mod/writer.

I prefer to go by Max online, as my main tumblr account is @maxgalaxies , as a disclaimer I am by far not a comic artist by any means, I’m actually going to school to be a 3D animator as my career, while also working in storyboarding. Even though I have little comic experience I want to work and practice to make this a great AU. Thanks for supporting me through the process. The creator Max is non-binary, and recently came out as such near around posting the first draft of this post. They/them pronouns are preferred, but honestly anything you call me is fine! I’m in my Twenties, and go to college in America. My current job is to be a Volunteer Coordinator for my college, to ensure students can volunteer to the elderly, and non-profits who support seniors and veterans. This being said, my outside life can and will take priority over the blog, so please be patient with me. As of right now I’ve had no call to make a Patreon or any form of online monetization. If you are interested in commissions, just ask and depending on my schedule I’d love to get in touch with you. As for the AU, I have written and drawn it completely on my own as of now, I’m unsure if I plan to have another mod in the future.

[tawakkull]

ISLAM 101: Spirituality in Islam: Part 22

Tawakkul, Taslim, Tafwiz, and Thiqa (Reliance, Surrender, Commitment, and Confidence)

Reliance, surrender, commitment, and confidence are the four steps or stations of a spiritual journey beginning with reliance on (or trust in) God, continuing in full awareness of one’s helplessness and destitution before God, and ending in entrusting all of one’s affairs to God Almighty in order to attain absolute peace and tranquillity of heart. Reliance (tawakkul) means total confidence in God, and feeling troubled or uneasy when it occurs to one that there may be other sources of power (that one can resort to). Without such a degree of confidence, it is wrong to talk about reliance. Moreover, one cannot attain reliance so long as the doors of the heart remain open to others. Reliance means doing all that is necessary to obtain a desired or intended result, and then waiting in expectation for the Eternally-Powerful One to bring about His Will. After this comes surrender (taslim), which many friends of God have described as one’s being before God’s Power and Will like a dead body in the hands of a mortician. Then comes commitment (tafwiz), leaving or committing all things and affairs to God and expecting everything from Him.

Reliance is the start of a journey, surrender is its end, and commitment is its result. Therefore, commitment has a wider meaning and relates to those who have almost completed the journey, rather than to beginners. Commitment comes after surrender, which requires the conviction of one’s helplessness and destitution before God’s Power and Wealth, and the ability to feel in one’s heart the meaning of: There is no power and strength save with God. It also requires the utmost dependence on and the expectation of help from the heavenly treasure of: There is no power and strength save with God. In other words, commitment means that a traveler on the path to God feels warned by the point of reliance and the point of seeking help in his conscience and, in exact awareness of his or her helplessness and destitution, turns to the Unique Source of Power and Will and says: Hold me by the hand, hold me, for I cannot do without You.

If reliance means that one entrusts all worldly and otherworldly affairs to the Lord, commitment means that one is fully aware that it is actually God Who does everything, Who produces every result, and Who creates all things and deeds that many consider to be done by themselves. Reliance means that one relies on God and closes the doors of one’s heart to whatever or whoever is other than Him. It can be regarded as the outer fulfillment all duties of worship and the inner attachment to God, the Lord Who is the sole Sustainer and Administrator of all that exists. This is what Shihab expresses in the following couplets:

Rely on the All-Merciful in all your affairs; One who relies on Him is never in loss. Confide in God and be patient with His disposal of you, For you can obtain only as His favors what you expect from Him.

I think ‘Umar, the second Caliph, may God be pleased with him, drew attention to the same point in a letter he wrote to Abu Musa al-'Ash'ari: If you are able to submit to whatever or however God decrees for you [i.e. by not objecting to whatever befalls you], this is wholly good. If you are unable to do so, then endure it with patience.

From another perspective, reliance signifies reliance on and confidence in God. Surrender is the state of those who have been awakened to spiritual life. Commitment, meaning that travelers are not detained by considerations of means and causes, is a station special to those of high spiritual achievement.

Even if travelers possessing commitment seem to attach a certain importance to means and causes, this is due to the fact that they live in the material world, the sphere of means and causes, in which God has made any accomplishment dependent on certain preliminary conditions. If they give priority to means and causes, thereby disregarding the fact that God disposes of everything as He wishes, then they will become like vermin crawling on earth, despite their previous resemblance to birds flying in the highest parts of the heavens. It is related in books on the lives of saints that those saintly people who try to advance but become caught in the over-consideration of means and causes hear these words:

Give up taking precautions, for involvement in precautions causes perishing; Commit your affairs to Us, for We are more thoughtful of you than yourself.

Such a commitment is a heroism that can be achieved only by those who persevere in their relations with God while living among people.

Doing what is necessary to obtain a certain result without attributing any creative effect to them may mean different things to different travelers: reliance for everybody, submission for those awakened to realities beyond the visible dimension, and commitment and confidence for those who have attained true peace or tranquillity of heart. How fine is the following saying of God’s Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, which combines exerting effort and reliance and commitment: If you were able to rely on God as true reliance on Him requires, He would provide you as He provides birds that leave their nests hungry in the morning and return full in the evening.

This Prophetic Tradition contains different truths for people of different spiritual ranks. What it means for the typical individual is what Rumi says:

Even if reliance on God is a guide, Fulfilling preliminaries is a practice of the Prophet. He told (a Bedouin) loudly (in response to his question): First fasten your camel and then rely on God.

This meaning is what is pointed out in: On God let the reliant rely (14:12).

Those who lead their lives at the level of pure spirituality understand, in perfect awareness of their helplessness and weakness before God, that they should trust wholly in God’s Power and Strength, and become like a corpse in the hands of a mortician: In God put your trust, if you are true believers (5:23). As for those who fly around the summits of “self-annihilation in God” and “subsistence with God,” they say, like Prophet Abraham, upon him be peace, even while being thrown into fire: God is sufficient for me (39:38) and commit their affairs wholly to Him. It is enough for them that God Almighty knows their condition.

We can also see this greatest degree of commitment in God’s Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings. When the feet of those pursuing him during his emigration to Madina were seen from the cave where he was hiding with his nearest friend Abu Bakr, may God be pleased with him, and their pursuers’ voices echoed from the cave’s walls, he relied wholly upon God and told Abu Bakr: Grieve not! Assuredly, God is with us (9:40). This is also alluded to in the verse: Whoever puts his trust in God, He will suffice him (65:3).

Commitment and confidence are the highest degrees of reliance on God. Those who have attained these degrees have entirely submitted their reason, logic, and belief, as well as their outer and inner feelings, to God’s commandments. As a result, they have become “polished mirrors” in which His Names, Attributes, and acts are reflected. Signs of these degrees are under-standing that taking precautions is included in God’s preordainment, and thereby finding peace; seeing their willpower as a dim shadow of the Divine Will, and turning to that Divine Will; and being pleased with God’s treatment, whether it be favorable or not, and agreeing with whatever happens to them.

The author of Minhaj describes this degree of commitment as follows:

I committed all my affairs to the Dear One, Whether He keeps me alive or makes me die.

The following words of Wasif of Andarun are also most appropriate: Whatever was destined will certainly happen, so Commit your affairs to God; neither be grieved nor suffer pains.

One of the most beautiful descriptions of commitment belongs to Ibrahim Haqqi, the initial verses of whose Tafwiznama (Description of Tafwiz) are as follows:

God changes evils into good; Never think that He does otherwise. One with knowledge of Him watches In admiration what He does. Let us see what our Master does; He does well whatever He does. Put your trust in God, the Truth; And commit to Him your affairs So that you may find peace. Be patient and agree (with whatever He does). Let us see what our Master does; He does well whatever He does.

[mrslittletall]

Title: Off Balance (Chapter 9) Fandom: Hollow Knight Characters: The Pale King/The White Lady, The Pure Vessel, Ze'mer, Isma, Hegemol Word Count: 6.197 AO3-Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21805333/chapters/61136203 Previous chapter: https://mrslittletall.tumblr.com/post/620638813711187968/title-off-balance-chapter-8-fandom-hollow

Summary: The Pale King talks to Ze'mer about the infection. Hollow has a few things to say to the Pale King. The both of them visit the City of Tears again.

(Author's note: Arghl, I felt like I wanted to have this chapter earlier, but I am still busy with finishing up some WIPs for other fandoms, that are my top priority. Still, because I don't have to work right now, I managed to finish that chapter rather quickly. I hope you enjoy!)

“As you know, your highness.”, Ze'mer started. “We knights have been send to different corners of the kingdom to help out with the infection. Che' hast met up with our allies, the Mantis.”

“Please continue.”, the Pale King said as Ze'mer was interrupting herself, she seemed to be at a loss of words. She slowly started to speak again.

“It should be to your knowledge that the three Mantis Lords also have a brother. Because of the matriarchic nature of the Mantis Tribe, he decided to start a family. His daughter... became a very very close friend to che'.”

“I don't think that the Mantis Tribe approved of your relationship.”, the White Lady said. “They tend to stay to themselves. That is why they are merely allies and not a part of the kingdom of Hallownest.”

“Our lady speaks words of truth.”, the Pale King said. “The Mantis Tribe is very proud. The only way to get their respect is defeating them in battle and even that doesn't mean that they would approve of close friendships with bugs from outside their clan.”

“Sadly, it is true.”, Ze'mer said. “The Mantis Tribe isn't approving of the close bond che' shares with her, but that is an issue for another time. The important thing is...” Ze'mer took a deep breath. “The father of che' friend shows early signs of the infection. He talks about things he has seen in his dreams, about power that he never could have if he stayed with the tribe and it sounds like he wants to embrace the infection willingly. Che's... afraid. What if he would hurt meled'l... meled'precious friend? Che' couldst not bare anything happening to hear. Che' wouldst do anything to protect her!”

The Pale King glanced to the White Lady and they shared a moment of wordless understanding. Ze'mer had corrected herself in the last moment, but she wanted to say “meled'love”, which was the same as “my love” in her dialect. If her relationship with the mantis girl was on the romantic side, the Mantis Tribe surely would approve even less of it.

“That's why... why che' can understand your actions, your majesty.”, Ze'mer said. “Che' can't say that che' approves of them, but knowing what che' wouldst do to protect those dear to che', che' don't feel like che' can judge. Che' might have acted the same in your position.”

The Pale King stood up from his throne and walked a few steps towards Ze'mer, his hands folded behind his back. “Ze'mer, we thank you for telling us the truth.”, he said. “In return, you deserve to know the truth about the infection.” He took a deep breath and glanced to his Root who just gave him a nod.

“The truth is, the infection comes from another Higher Being.”, he said. Ze'mer antennas twitched in surprise, but she put her composure back on quickly. “When we came to Hallownest as a young wyrm, we were unaware that it already had been claimed by another Higher Being.”, the Pale King continued. “We tried to negotiate with them, but they didn't want to listen. Their method of ruling had been to enthrall ever single bug into their hive mind while our method of ruling was to give bugs their own mind and let them decide for themselves.”

The Pale King slowly walked over to a window and looked outside at the courtxyard. Some Royal Retainers were scurrying around and some Kingsmoulds were patrolling.

“We were unable to win a fight of strength against them, so we took the fight into who was able to gain more followers. We won that fight, but unknown to even ourselves, even their most loyal followers turned away from them, stripping them of their power as a Higher Being.”

The Pale King sighed as he continued: “We thought that they had left. That they wouldn't be able to get their power back, but they found a way to break out. They try to use their light to force their hive mind again, however it is lacking any control. This is what we call the infection.”

The Pale King turned around and faced Ze'mer, who had quietly listened so far, knowing that she shouldn't speak when her king was talking. “That is where Hollow came into place. A vessel born of god and void, its only purpose to seal the infection.” He noticed that he started shivering. “We now know, how wrong we have been...”

As Ze'mer still didn't said anything, the Pale King sat back down on his throne and said: “You may speak now, Ze'mer of the five great knights.”

“So, in other words, the other Higher Being is a sore loser.”, Ze'mer said and the Pale King noticed how his Root was chuckling next to him.

“That isn't funny, Root.”, he said.

“Oh, I am sorry, Wyrm, the mental image was just too delightful.”, she said.

“Can che' do anything to help?”, Ze'mer asked. “Che' wouldst like to help to stop the source of the infection.”

“I am afraid that you can't do much.”, the Pale King said. Even he himself had barely an idea how to handle the Radiance outside of the vessel plan. “Of course you can feel free to research on your own.”

“Their followers... the most loyal ones who have turned away, who hast they been?”, Ze'mer asked.

“The moth clan...”, the Pale King said. “We are pretty sure that there aren't any moths alive anymore however.”

“Thank you, your majesty.”, Ze'mer said. “Che' wouldst like to go and talk to the other great knights. They just need to get over their first shock. Che' will help them understand. ”

“You are dismissed.”, the Pale King said and Ze'mer deeply bowed to him and his Root and then left.

“What do you plan on doing now, Wyrm?”, the White Lady asked.

“Going into my workshop.”, the Pale King said. “I don't have the feeling that anyone wants to see me right now.”

“You don't want to check on Hollow?”, his Root asked.

“They are probably the least person who want to see me right now.”, he sighed and stood up from his throne, slowly walking to the door and making his way to the workshop.

Once he was there, he tried to concentrate on the spells he experimented with to seal the infection, but he couldn't concentrate. Hollow's tearful face and them asking if they had been the reason for the fight was still in his mind, as well as how angry Ogrim had been with him. However, the worst thing was, he had let his child down. He didn't want to make them cry ever again and it happened over and over and over.

A knock on his door interrupted him. “No disturbance.”, he said, annoying that someone event ried to get in. He had told the Royal Retainers to not get him, no matter what. He expected that whoever wanted his attention would just go away, but instead the door opened. The Pale King turned around, ready to put whoever ignored his orders back into place, but any words died in his throat when it was Hollow who carefully came teetering into his workshop. They didn't stop until they were at the board and then wrote four single words.

“I don't hate you.”

“...Why?”, the Pale King asked. The question was out before he could even think about. For all he had done, for all he still was doing to them, they should loathe him. He couldn't understand. Why did they love him? He wasn't deserving of their love.

The sound of chalk squeaking at the board got his attention and he laid his eyes on words that he hadn't expected and somehow expected at the same time: “I wanted to be the Pure Vessel.”

“Hollow, please...”, the Pale King sighed. “We have been over this. It was me who forced you into that role, you didn't even had a single say in it. This whole plan has turned into the biggest regret of my life.”

More squeaking. The Pale King looked anxiously at the board as the words appeared: “No. It's not like that. I wanted to be the Pure Vessel. To protect. You and mother. The five great knights. The royal retainers. The kingdom you never visited, but always spoke fondly about. I knew that I had the power to make everything right. So it pains me. That I can't fulfil the role I had devoted myself to. I have disappointed everybody already, so I don't want to make others upset over me anymore...”

“Hollow, is that true?”, the Pale King asked, even though he knew they barely were capable of lying to him. He would have noticed. What they had written on this board was hundred percent the truth. They still felt the need to give him a nod, not aware that his question had been a rhetorical one.

“Since when have you felt this way?”, the Pale King asked. “Since when did you realize that you weren't empty?”

Hollow looked at him for a good while and then laid the chalk down in favour of signing: “Since the Path of Pain.” They fidgeted with their hands a bit and then signed: “No, earlier even.”

“How could I have been so blind to overlook?”, the Pale King said, sitting down in a chair. “You have been very convincing in making me believe that you were void of thoughts and emotions, Hollow.”

“It was hard.”, Hollow signed. “Every day was a struggle.”

“And that is why I can hardly believe that you don't hate me.”, the Pale King said. “Hollow, I am so sorry about what happened today with the great five knights. I didn't want to make you cry. I shouldn't have taken you in there with me.”

“I am not mad.”, Hollow signed. “Isma and Quirrel stayed with me until I calmed down. Dryya too.”

The five great knights... the Pale King had to deal with them sooner or later. With the four of them that hadn't been very understanding. Ze'mer had went to talk to them, but when he thought about Ogrim's reaction... he had the feeling he should maybe keep his distance until a rational conversation was possible.

“What are you planning to do now, Hollow?”, the Pale King asked. It was more to distract himself, because he had barely been able to do anything, his “confession” and the bad reaction to it still to prevalent in his mind.

“Father.”, they signed. “Can we go see the rain?”

“The rain...?”, the Pale King was a bit confused, they didn't had anything like weather down here, but then it hit him. “Oh, you want to visit the City of Tears.”

Hollow shyly nodded, as if they had asked something far more embarrassing than just going out. The Pale King considered their proposal. They surely both could use some distraction and in the city there wasn't a lot of danger to run into any of the knights. Besides, it was a good opportunity to fix Hollow's robe.

“Alright, let's go.”, he said and got up. “You need to get a new robe anyway.”

Gladly on the way out of the palace, the two of them didn't cross paths with any of the five great knights. The Pale King informed one of his royal retainers about his absence and that he wanted his wife to be informed, only to learn that she had went into her garden with Dryya. Apparently they would have liked to tell him earlier, but his orders had been clear, to not disturb him under any circumstances. The Pale King hoped that his Root managed to talk with Dryya about the conference in the morning. Dryya was as loyal to his Root as Hollow was to him, so he had the feeling, that his Root would be able to make her understand. Dryya always had been one of the more level headed knights.

The trip to the City of Tears was equally uneventful. Hollow was able to walk better, but climbing up the vertical shaft was still difficult for them, so the Pale King helped them out several times, especially when they tried to start teleporting up, until they managed to reach the city. As Hollow had said, they wanted to see the rain and so the Pale King was standing next to them as they marvelled over the sight. He had the feeling they would never get tired of it and he would never get tired of seeing how much joy his child got out of something so simple.

The Pale King noticed that every bug that crossed them, bowed down and actually didn't move any further. This went so far until a small crowd had gathered and he sighed and gave them the permission to move on. They probably were wondering. It was the second time in only a few weeks, that the Pale King visited the city, when he would normally stay in the palace for months. Also, Hollow was with him again. They would start to wonder just who they were, just like the knights. Though, thinking about the negative reaction of his knights, he was hesitating introducing Hollow as his heir to the public. Even though they didn't knew about the vessel plan, only that he had some plan to combat the infection, it felt awkward and some of the scholars would probably question why the Pale King would keep his child a secret for so long and not having introduced them right after hatching.

After the Pale King had to break up a crowd around him and Hollow for the third time, he nudged at them and said: “Hollow, let's move on. It's time for you to get your robes fixed.”

Hollow nodded and stared longingly at the rain for one last second. There were places in the city that weren't covered. Maybe the Pale King should bring them to one later, so that they could feel the rain. They were so utterly fascinated by it, it was adorable. Of course the rain wouldn't be there always, the menderbugs would fix the roof again and again, but it would break again and again. If one day they would put down their work, the rain in the City of Tears would never stop.

Asides from the bugs that bowed, but moved one once he passed them, thanks for his thrall not being able to influence them when he moved out of their way, the way to the tailor was rather uneventful. Once the Pale King and Hollow stepped in, the tailor turned around with a smile, saying: “Welco... oh, your majesty.” She then, like everyone else, bowed deeply.

“Please rise.”, the Pale King said. “We require your services.”

The tailor obeyed and once her eyes fell on Hollow, she said: “Oh, I see what he problem is. The robe has been busted. I will fix it up right away.”

“Please prepare a second robe too.”, the Pale King said. “Hollow, take off your robes and hand it to her.”

Hollow slipped out of the robe, wrapping their wings around them for modesty and handed it to the tailor, who took it and bowed again, then her eyes seemed to glisten as he saw just with what the robe had been fixed. “Weaver's silk?! That is a material that you never see around this parts!”

“The robe has been destroyed in Deepnest.”, the Pale King said, not providing any more context.

“Your majesty, would you allow me to keep this silk?”, the tailor asked. “I won't charge anything, the silk is easily worth my services. More even.”

“Feel free to keep the silk.”, the Pale King said. “We don't have any use for it.”

“Thank you, your majesty.”, the tailor said and she looked so happy. “This will take a while, so please take a seat.” She pointed at a table where tea and snacks were prepared. The Pale King walked over to it, hearing that Hollow followed him, but once he sat down, he noticed that they had stopped midway and stared at something on a mannequin. It was a dress.

“Hollow... are you interested in trying on that dress?”, the Pale King asked. Hollow cocked their head and looked at him, then back at the dress. Then they nodded.

“Every dress on display is for sale.”, the tailor said. “Feel free to try them all on, dear.” That had been directed to Hollow.

“Well then.”, the Pale King said. “Let's see how you look in this dress.”

“Oh, just one moment.”, the tailor said. “Let me get my sister to assist you while I am busy working.” She shuffled in the backroom and not much later a bug appeared that looked almost identically to her, save for another outfit and shorter antennas, which fell into the usual bow once she spotted the Pale King.

“Rise.“, the Pale King said, feeling tired. As much as he wanted to escape the palace, that he never could walk through the city without everyone bowing to him got on his nerves.

“Our ch.. companion would like to try on this dress.”, that had been close, he almost had said child. “Could you please help them out? They never have worn a dress before.”

“Of course, of course.”, the tailor's sister said and eyed Hollow. “My, aren't you a dashing one, with that size at your age and those horns. Can you even walk straight?”

Hollow actually shook their head at his question, making the tailor's sister chuckle. “Oh, don't worry, we will take care that you won't fall over. Let me get that dress for you.”

The dress turned out to be elegantly tailored and was from a deep black colour, being from a mid length, not going over Hollow's knees. However, the problem was, that it pretty much melted into the natural colour of their body.

“This won't do.”, the tailor's sister said, “It looks like it is invisible. I have never seen a bug with such pure black as a colour. It seems like even light gets devoured by it.”

Oh, how close she was to the truth, the Pale King thought to himself. Their body was void after all.

“Try a dress with more vibrant colours.”, the Pale King encouraged Hollow and the tailor's sister gasped as she scurried away and came away shortly, having several dresses draped over her arm.

“All of these must look marvellous on you.”, she said and presented one dress after the other to Hollow. Soon, they had tried on several ones, all with different colours and cuts. In the span of several minutes, Hollow had been put into a frilly white dress, in a puffy yellow one, in a blue one that could only be described as a gown and then in a loosely cut pink one. The tailor's sister was currently brooding over it while Hollow was busy looking at themselves in the mirror, the way they moved implied that they were happy with how they looked.

“It fits well, but something is missing...”, the tailor's sister said and then shot up. “Oh, I know!”, she ran into a corner of the shop and rummaged through a cupboard, coming back with two ribbons which she bound around Hollow's horns. “There.”, she said. “That is perfect.”

Hollow twirled around and looked at the Pale King, the way they cocked their head and wrung their fingers implying that they wanted to know his opinion.

“You look stunning, Hollow.”, he said. “Just wait till your mother sees you like that.”

It had been out before he had thought about that they weren't alone, because as soon as the words were out, he heard a big gasp and the tailor's sister just stared at the both of them with an open mouth. “They are your child, your majesty?!”, she asked, her voice was half disbelief and half excitement.

“N.. no, that was not what we wanted to, uh, say.”, the Pale King stammered, just how should he get out of this. “They... they are a candidate for the position of knight and they have stayed in the palace with their mother...”

“They are still a child. I doubt a child would be permitted to be a knight.”, the tailor's sister said. Oh, if only she knew what the Pale King had expected from Hollow from a far younger age. She looked at him with an expression that seemed to scream at him, wanting to know just why he kept his own child secret.

“Don't tell anybody about it.”, he said. “Not even your sister. There is a good reason for why we kept their existence hidden, that is all we can say about that matter.”

“I won't say anything. I mean, it is not like I have a choice.”, the tailor's sister said. “You surely have more than enough methods to keep me silent. I won't question it any further, just allow me to say one thing, your majesty. The population of Hallownest surely would welcome to know that an heir to its king has been born.”

She then proceeded to clean up all the dresses and put them back on the mannequins, chirping to herself. Hollow came back to the Pale King and sat down. He pushed a cup of tea in their direction and they took a few sips, then put it back down and signed: “Why keep me a secret?”

The Pale King signed back, not wanting that the tailor's sister listened into their conversation. “You know why.”

“Because I am... was... the Vessel.”, Hollow signed back, looking down at the table. Then, they raised her head again and signed another thing: “Father, I can really keep the dress?”

“Yes, you deserve it.”, the Pale King signed back. “After all I put you through, you surely deserve it.”

The tailor's sister finished cleaning up the dresses and was in the process of sweeping the room, the Pale King had the feeling she was glancing at Hollow now and then, when the tailor entered the room again, two robes over her arms. As she saw Hollow, she chirped in delight.

“Oh, look at you, isn't that adorable? And those ribbons in your horns, they set just the right accent to the outfit.” She laid both robes on the table and the Pale King couldn't even tell which one was the fixed and which one the new one, they looked identical. “Like I said, I won't charge anything, the weaver's silk is more than enough payment.”

“Thank you very much.”, the Pale King said. “What do we owe you for the dress?”

“Nothing. The weaver's silk is more than enough for it too. Just take it with you. Actually...”, she eyed Hollow. “I think I have some ideas for an even better dress. That should be enough to reach the silk's worth. If you allow me, your majesty, I would like to sew it.”

“What do you say, Hollow?”, the Pale King asked, but from the excitement in their signing he knew that they were delighted. “We will allow it.”, the Pale King said. “Send a messenger once it is done.”

“Surely.”, the tailor said. “It has been a pleasure working with you and your child, your majesty.” The Pale King felt like his heart would stop and he heard himself say: “What have you just said?!”

“That it was a pleasure working with you and the child.”, the tailor repeated. Ah, he had misheard her and here he thought, it had become obvious that Hollow was his child.

As they left the shop, Hollow bowed and then waved, stepping out on light feet. They seemed happy. “Hollow, before we head back, there is a place I want to show you.”, he said. Hollow cocked their head and then followed him, without questioning of course. Soon they had arrived at a huge empty square, where the rain poured down unhindered. The square kind of always had bothered the Pale King, it felt like something should be there, like a statue or a fountain, but he hadn't found the right idea just what to put there. Yet.

Hollow looked at him, seemingly unsure what to do. “It's the rain, Hollow.”, the Pale King said. “I wanted to give you the possibility to feel it.”

Hollow turned their head around and stared at the rain for must have been a full minute, before they took a slow shaky step from under the roof and extended their hands. As soon as the rain touched it, they retreated. “Wet.”, they signed. “Like water.”

“That is what the rain is.”, the Pale King said. “It's water, pouring down from above.”

Hollow looked at the rain again and the next time they moved, it wasn't only their hands, but their whole body moved into the rain. They extended their arms and looked up and if they would have been able to emote, the Pale King was sure that they would smile. They simply stood in the rain, it ran down their shell and their void body and the Pale King thought that they felt at ease.

After a few minutes he called them back however, not that they would get sick. Could they even get sick? Better not take any chances. Unfortunately during their time in the rain, their new dress also had got soaked, the Pale King should have let them take it off first, so he spend a good while drying it and them with his magic. Once they were done, Hollow suddenly hugged him.

“Hollow.. not in such a public place.”, the Pale King said and carefully removed them. Gladly, because of the pouring rain, not many bugs were present, but he still hoped that nobody had seen it. The two of them probably already were the case of rumours. It wouldn't take long for the population to pick up on what the great knights already had.

“Let's go back.”, the Pale King said and Hollow nodded so hard that they fell over. “Ah well, was the first time today.”, the Pale King said, helping them up and dusting off their dress. He then decided to subtlety take their hand, the more excited they were, the worse their balance problems.

On their way back, Hollow stared at the same sweet stand they had passed the last time and it wasn't exactly subtlety, so the Pale King went to get them some sweets, everyone in the line leaving him through again. When he returned to Hollow, he noticed that their attention had shifted to a small crowd. The crowd happened to have gathered around a butterfly girl who was singing a song.

“Do you want to listen, Hollow?”, the Pale King asked and handed them the sweets. It was a snack coated in honey and the Pale King already planned to get more honey from the hive, Hollow seemed to enjoy it.

At his question, Hollow nodded and the Pale King stood next to them as they watched the singer, slowly nibbling at their sweets. The butterfly girl had a beautiful voice and the Pale King considered if he should summon her into the Palace to sing there, it surely would lift the mood of the great knights and the royal retainers. After a good while of them watching, Hollow nudged the Pale King and once they got his attention, they signed: “What is she doing?”

“She is singing.”, the Pale King replied, heart sinking into his chest, about that he never bothered to teach Hollow about the joys of life such as music. They never would have needed to know what it is, they never would have been able to enjoy it, being a creature void of emotions. That is why he only ever had them taught how to fight and to be the Vessel. The Pale King had the feeling he needed to explain it more closely. “Singing is when someone uses their voice to form a melody.”, he said. “They sing along lyrics and wrap their voice around it to make it sound more enjoyable as if someone would just be talking. It is called music and singing is a form of it.”

“I see.”, Hollow signed and then didn't say anything anymore. In fact, they nudged the Pale King again and implied that they wanted to go now. The Pale King didn't had any troubles with their desire, he just was a bit confused. It seemed like they had enjoyed listening to the singing of the butterfly, he didn't knew what suddenly had changed.

On their way back, Hollow seemed to fall behind and it wasn't because of balance, when the Pale King looked back, they seemed to have their gaze on the ground, but didn't struggle a lot and when, they managed to catch themselves. However, they dragged their feet and the Pale King could practically feel a gloomy aura around them.

“What's wrong, Hollow?”, he asked.

They stopped and raised both hands, thinking a bit and then signed: “I can never do that.”

“What can you never do?”, the Pale King asked, confused. He knew that he would give them the chance to do anything they wanted, as long as if they didn't want to be the Vessel again.

“S I N G I N G.”, Hollow signed out every letter of the word, clearly not knowing the sign language for it yet.

The Pale King stared at Hollow for a while. So far, they never had complained about not having a voice. So far, the Pale King had been under the impression that their missing voice didn't bother them. They had learned how to articulate themselves with a different method, so why should they be upset about it, when everyone could understand what they wanted to say? That the simple act of not being able to sing bothered them so much, surprised the Pale King as well as let a pang in his chest appear, because he was the reason for them to not have a voice. It was even worse when he saw tears welling up at their eyeholes again and right when he had sworn to him to not make them cry anymore.

“Oh, Hollow, please don't cry.”, the Pale King crossed the short distance between them and hugged his child. “Singing is just one form of music. You may not be able to do it, but there exist many instruments that can be played with your hands. Would you maybe like to try it out?”

The Pale King slowly released Hollow from his hugs, holding them at their shoulders still and looked into their eyeholes. Slowly, very slowly, Hollow nodded. They raised their hand and wiped the tears away, then signed: “I want to try.”

“I am sure we will find an instrument that will suit you.”, the Pale King said and took their hand again. “There are many different kinds, like the piano, the violin or the harp...” On their way back, the Pale King taught Hollow all about what he knew about instruments, but had to admit that he didn't knew too much. He always had been the logical type, not the creative type. Did he know someone that played an instrument? Lurien probably. When he remembered correctly, the watcher would sometimes play the violin. It wouldn't hurt to bring Hollow there, he had the feeling the once dreamers should meet them anyway.

Hollow listened intently to everything he had to said. Apparently, the concept of music and instruments seemed to fascinate them. It was a good sign for the Pale King, anything that would help them getting their mind of being the Vessel, would be a good thing.

Back at the palace, the Pale King saw Isma and Hegemol standing and his heart sank again. He had hoped to avoid this conversation, even though he knew it had to happen.

“Look at you, Hollow, you are adorable.”, Isma said as she spotted them in their new dress. “I am glad that you feel better now.”

“The ribbons are perfect.”, Hegemol added. “They make your horns look even more stunning.”

Hollow bowed to the both of them in thanks and then Isma turned to the Pale King. “You know why we are here, but we refuse talking about it in front of Hollow.”

“Hollow, go inside.”, the Pale King said. “See if your mother is back.”

Hollow nodded and then went away. As soon as they were out of sight, Isma sighed and said: “Ze'mer talked to us.”

“She was saying that much this morning.”, the Pale King said, waiting for what Isma had to say further.

“Your majesty, you have to know, that we don't condone your actions regarding Hollow. They have been wrong and I barely can grasp that you have been willing to sacrifice your own child.”

Hegemol nodded along to Isma's words as the Pale King's heart sunk even further down. He agreed with them. There was nothing he could do to defend himself, because every word they said was true.

“However, Ze'mer made us see your decision in a new light.”, Isma said. “First, you did it because you tried to save thousands of innocent bugs from the infection.”

“Second.”, Hegemol said. “You were under the impression that Hollow was void of emotion, nothing but a construct.”

“That is correct...”, the Pale King said. “We have been wrong about Hollow being void of emotion. They have tried so hard to appear as if they really were, that they even deceived us. We deeply regret that we haven't picked up on it sooner.”

“Which brings us to our next point.”, Isma said. “We don't condone your actions, but we can understand what has you driven to them. The most important part is, that you stopped. That you strife to do better. The hurt inflicted on Hollow can never be reversed, but they truly love you and view you as their father. Your majesty, I don't speak as your knight when I say this, but as a potential mother, never ever hurt Hollow like this again.” She looked at Hegemol. “Hegemol has the same opinion as me.”

Hegemol added and said: “We have told Hollow that they can come to us whenever it would become too much for them. Like Isma said, we can't condone your actions, but we can understand why you felt the need to act them out. We... will need some time to come to terms with everything, but we would like to stay in your service and help as best as we can to combat the infection.”

The Pale King almost felt himself tear up, a thing that couldn't happen in front of his knights. Isma, Hegemol, your words mean a lot to us.”, he said. “Thank you.” In the back of his head, the thought of what would happen when the knights knew just how many dead children he had in the abyss lingered, but he didn't want to think about this right now. A lot of the children would have been born dead even outside the influence of the void. The mortality rate of them was too high.

“What about Ogrim?”, the Pale King asked, having the impression that the White Defender would personally kill him if he knew about the abyss.

“...He didn't want to listen.”, Isma said. “I will try and talk to him, but I am under the impression he needs more time. He can't understand your actions at all and was rather disgusted by them.”

“He's not the only one.”, the Pale King whispered, with a voice as quiet as him, there was no way that his knights would be able to hear him. He was disgusted by himself, by the fact that he had sacrificed so many of his own children and expected the only living one to become a living prison for the Radiance. It was time to end the infection, once and for all.

“We will leave Ogrim time.”, he said. “For now, return to your posts. We need to get back to our workshop.”

“Very well.”, Isma and Hegemol said in unsion, bowed to him and then went off. With a heart as heavy as stone, the Pale King walked into the direction of his workshop. The conversation with Ogrim, if it would ever happen, would be a tough one. For now, he finally needed to tackle the infection.

Especially before Hollow would one day decide to be the Vessel without him having a say in it. (Author's note: I did my best with Ze'mer's dialect. Give me a break, Hollow Knight, english isn't even my first language and then you let Ze'mer speak like that?! I have the feeling, this chapter feels a bit like filler. I want to get the plot going finally and hope I can start with it in the next chapter. I have a lot of things planned still. Anyway, please write me your opinions in the comments. Thank you very much.) Chapter 10

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Treat me like your boyfriend (Matt x fem!Reader)

Summary: when Matt asked you to tutor him, you weren’t aware of the mess you were about to step in.

Author’s notes: Dear anon, I’m sorry it took me so long, but your request is finally here and I hope you enjoy it. I was very rusty on writing teenagers and I definitely struggled with the love triangle aspect. 

Wordcount: 6430 (yeah, it took a life of its own)

Warnings: a bit of teenage angst, mentions of drugs, bad language, but that’s it

The last thing you were expecting to see when you got out of cheerleading practice was Matt leaning on the hood of your car like he belonged there, arms crossed behind his head, face tilted up, almost as if to soak up the last warm sun rays of that October morning.

You didn’t even remember the last time you actually saw Matt, let along talked to him. Yes, you went to the same school but traveled in completely different circles and he wasn’t all the good with attendance, especially not after what happened last year with Samson and Jamie.

Once upon a time however, the two of you had been great friends. All through elementary school and a considerable part of middle school, the two of you had been inseparable, but then his father left and his family life deteriorated and he became angry and closed off and the two of you drifted apart. Now here he was, and you had no idea why.

“That’s my car,” you said, making him crack one eye open to look at you.

“I’m aware,” he replied but didn’t move an inch and you sighed.

“What do you want, Matt?”

“Oh, so you actually remember who I am. That’s nice.” This time at least he sat up on the hood, looking you up and down with a smirk tucked on his lips.

“What. Do. You. Want?” you repeated with a glare, crossing your arms over your chest and you noticed Matt’s gaze shift, the tough guy mask slipping a bit and you could almost see the boy you used to know.

“I’m failing history,” Matt admitted in a low voice, eyes downcast. “I’m on probation. I can’t fail. I need you to tutor me.”

“No,” you said, pulling the passenger door of your car open so you could put your backpack away. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” he asked, giving you a look. “Afraid of what your popular friends will think if they see you hanging out with someone like me?”

There was a barely disguised disdain in his tone and it made you feel guilty. Even if you didn’t like to admit it, it was one of the reasons but there was also the fact that between school, practice and your part-time job, free time was almost inexistent for you. Even your boyfriend Derek had been complaining about not seeing you enough.

“I really can’t. I’m sorry,” you sighed.

“Please, Skittles,” he said, and you snorted at the old and ridiculous nickname after your favorite candy. “You’re my only hope.”

“Fine!” You huffed, taking a second to think through your schedule. “Tomorrow at 4. Joe’s diner. Do you know?”

“Yeah.” Matt flashed you a gorgeous smile as he jumped off the hood of your car and your lips twitched up too. “Thank you! You’re really saving my life here.”

“I know. So, don’t be late or I won’t do it.”

---

As you cleared the tables at the restaurant, you couldn’t help but glance at the clock on the wall and heave a sigh. It was fifteen past four and Matt had yet to show up for his lesson. You should’ve known he would flake out. He barely showed up to school as it was, why would he bother to come for a tutoring lesson?

You rolled your eyes at your own stupidity. You had to rearrange your whole work schedule, changing shifts with one of your coworkers so you could tutor Matt here while Derek was at football practice.

It wasn’t as if you thought you were doing something wrong by seeing Matt or anything stupid like that, but you knew Derek would freak if he found out you were hanging out with the other boy. Your boyfriend was a little overprotective sometimes and he always thought Matt and his entire clique were delinquents. You just wanted to avoid the hassle, so you kept the entire thing from him. Not that there would be anything to tell since Matt stood you up.

The small bell above the entry door of the diner rang and you looked up to see Matt stepping inside, sweaty and out of breath as he looked around. His expression drew into that gorgeous smile when his gaze landed on you.

He had changed quite a lot from the lanky boy you had known back in middle school. For one, he had gotten considerably taller and muscles had filled him out quite nicely. He had grown out his hair and it framed his face in messy waves, but it really suited him.

“Hey! Sorry, I’m late. Bus took forever,” he explained and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to turn around and leave.

“That’s ok. Just grab a booth and I’ll be right with you,” you said, hands busy with a tray of steaming plates.

He grinned and obeyed, ignoring the stink eye he was getting from some of the customers. His outfit screamed outcast and he stuck out like a sore thumb in the traditional diner.

You moved to the table to deliver the orders, sending a silent prayer that there wasn’t anyone you knew in the diner before calling out that you’d be taking your break and sliding on the seat across from Matt.

“So where are you having trouble? Classic? Medieval? Modern?”

“Everything.” Matt took out a crumpled paper from his backpack, handing it to you. It was one of his tests and the bright red F made you wince.

“Ok,” you sighed, returning the paper to him. “Then I guess we start at the beginning,” you took hold of his textbook and opened in the first chapter. “Take notes. I’m not gonna repeat myself and there will be pop quizzes.”

“Alright,” he said combing his hair away from his eyes. He pulled out a notebook that was falling apart and a pen that seemed to be completed chewed out. “Oh! I almost forgot…” he dug through his backpack until he came out with a package of skittles, pushing towards you with a smile. “As a thank you for helping me.”

You smiled too as you ripped the package open popping a couple of candies on your mouth before shaking a few on his waiting hand.

“Let’s begin.”

----

“I can’t believe you’re skipping Shelley’s party! It’s like the event of the year!” Dana exclaimed, pulling a face at you and you rolled her eyes. To your friend and head of the cheerleader squad, every party was the event of the year.

“It’s not like I’m skipping on purpose,” you replied, trying to find a better position against Derek, who had his arm around your shoulders. You usually loved to be cuddled up like this. But when you were in the middle of the cafeteria trying to have lunch using only one hand it was kind of hindrance. “I have to work.”

Unlike Dana and Derek who’s parents paid for everything they could possibly want, your father was a police officer that worked his ass off to keep your house functioning so you had to work to buy the things that you needed that weren’t his priorities. Your car needed repairs and you had your eye on a dress for homecoming dance that would cost you almost a month’s salary.

“Can’t you change shifts or something?” Derek asked with a pout and you had to fight a grimace. The only reason you had to work at the time of Shelley’s party was that you had changed your hours so you could tutor Matt.

“I’ll just go to the next one,” you replied with a small, apologetic smile, but it wasn’t enough to soothe Derek if his sour expression was anything to go by.

“Fine!” Dana huffed, throwing her long hair over her shoulder, her eyes shifting to a point beyond your shoulder, her expression shifting into one of distaste. “The creeper is staring at you again.”  

You glanced back to see Matt sitting alone a couple of tables over. As soon as he noticed you looking, he quickly lowered his gaze back to the book in front of him his hair falling over his eyes, so he had to comb it back with his fingers.

“Someone’s got an admirer,” Dana teased with an evil smirk. “A killer admirer.”

“He didn’t kill anyone, Dana,” you replied in autopilot.

You had been spending at least three afternoons a week with Matt for the past month and the two of you had grown closer again. It was almost as if the time you two hadn’t spoken for didn’t even exist.

Matt was still an angry guy. You could see in the bursts of irritation he sometimes would get when he messed up an answer or when people were being deliberately judgy of him at the diner or when talking about the crappy deal he got in life and with his family. Other than that, he was as sweet as you remembered. Also funny and kind and you loved spending time with him. Around him, you could be as nerdy and weird as you wanted because he never judged you. It was liberating really.

“And how would you know?” Derek asked with a frown of confusion.

You knew because your dad had been one of the officers involved in the case, but also because Matt told you how the entire thing had gone down.

“My dad worked the case,” you said with a shrug. “And besides, I don’t think they would let him be here if he had actually killed anyone.”

“Still, I don’t like the idea of him watching you,” he said, glaring over his shoulder. “If he comes anywhere near you…”

“He won’t, Der. Don’t worry,” you assured, distracting him with a kiss, before getting up. “I gotta go. I have to deliver an essay to Mr. Sheppard for extra credit.”

You managed to get to the hallway outside the cafeteria before Derek caught up, pulling you back into his arms.

“Baby, you have enough extra credit to buy an entire university at this point,” Derek said with a pout and you chuckled. “I barely get to see you anymore.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” you said, pecking him on the lips. “Tonight. After my shift. Swing by? My dad won’t be home until later.”

“Ok.” he smiled happily and just as you were about to step away he pulled you back once more, catching you into a longer, deeper kiss that had your knees weak and you grinning against his lips. “I see you tonight.”

You were still smiling as you headed off, not towards Mr. Sheppard’s office, but to the football field, where you met Matt by the bleachers. He has a forlorn look on his face and that was enough to make your good mood flight right out of you.

“How was it?” you asked, and he sighed, digging through his backpack.

It was his first test since you two started the tutoring lessons. You hoped they had been enough to make him improve because you could tell Matt was getting frustrated with everyone pounding on him about his grades and probation.

He handed you the folded paper and it made your heart thunder in your heart just as much as getting the results of your own tests did.

“Look, Matt, it is just the first test,” you started before even looking at the grade. “It’s ok if it isn’t a good one just yet. We’ll keep working on it and you’ll see…” you trailed off as you finally looked at the test, the C+ staring back at you and when you looked up at him, Matt had a cheeky little grin in his face.

“You jerk!” You exclaimed punching him on the shoulder as he laughed. “You really made me think…”

“I’m sorry!” he said between giggles, trying to dodge your hands. “You’re just so damn easy, Skittles!” Matt looked so good like this. Bright and happy and playful. It made your heart jump.

“I’m really proud of you,” you said pulling him for a hug, your face coming to the crook of his neck due to the height difference and you breathed deep into his scent without meaning to.

“Thanks,” he replied with a soft smile when you pulled back. “Can you help me with Math too?”

“Absolutely!”

---

Even though it was your day off, here you were at Joe’s diner, in the booth it was quickly becoming yours and Matt’s regular seats. Instead of sitting across from him, you were at his side, studying his profile as he frowned over the math problem you had presented him.

You watched as his untamable hair fell over his face and you resisted the urge to push back so you could better look at him, watch the way his brows knitted together in concentration and how he squinted his soft brown eyes at the page, nose crinkling slightly in displeasure as he tapped the pen against his lips, which were framed by a shadow of stubble, just like his sharp jawline… Shifting in your seat, you forced your gaze away, taking a drink of water.

After two months all employees and regular clients at the diner got used to Matt’s presence and no one even gave the two of you a second glance anymore, which was a small blessing. You finally managed to relax around him when Matt came around, which meant you caught yourself staring at him way too often while he worked, your mind wondering dangerous things, like if his hair was as soft as it looked or how Matt’s lips would feel against yours.

Those thoughts always filled you with guilt because you had a boyfriend. A nice, kind and sweet boyfriend that you loved, and you shouldn’t be thinking such things about Matt when he was your friend and you were in a relationship and…

“Got it!”

His excited tone startled you back to the present and you watched as he scribbled down on the page before he turned it to you with a bright, hopeful smile and your heart leaped in your chest as you got caught in those brown eyes for a second too long.

Clearing your throat and feeling your cheeks warm, you looked down at the notebook to check his answer, your lips twitching into a proud smile.

“That’s exactly it,” you declared, looking up at Matt again and his lips now showed a wide grin as he cheered and threw an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a sideways hug.

“You owe me fries and a milkshake,” Matt said, still grinning and you snorted.

“If I’d known that was all it took for you to learn math, I’d have done it weeks ago,” you joked waving at one of the waitresses to place your order, trying to pretend you weren’t acutely aware of the fact the Matt hadn’t taken his arm away from your shoulders and you really didn’t want him too.

“So, there’s a movie with that guy from that sci-fi movie you like in the theaters,” Matt said, his tone a little hesitant as the two of you sipped milkshakes and shared fries.

“That’s specific,” you chuckled, noticing how he seemed to blush a little. “Fortunately, I do know which one you’re talking about. I’m dying to see it.”

“Yeah?” Matt looked up; eyes bright with excitement. “Maybe we could go? Together, I mean.”

For a moment, all you could do was stare at Matt in stunned silence. Was he asking you out on a date? And why on Earth did you want to say yes so bad?

“As friends, of course,” he quickly added, and you could barely hide your disappointment. His own words and the way he avoided your eyes showed his chagrin.

“Maybe, but…” you sighed, looking away, the words stuck to your throat.

“I get it, Skittles,” Matt said, at last, gathering his things, head ducked as he stood up. “Thanks for the lesson.”

He was off and away from the diner before you even process what happened. Your eyes burned and you could taste bile and guilt on the back of your throat as you swallowed around the painful lump, before picking up your bag and standing up.

Suddenly being in the diner without Matt felt unbearable.  

----

Derek’s lips traveled down your neck, his weight pressing you down on the bed as his hand squeezed your thigh, inching dangerously close to the hem of your skirt. This was hardly the first time you’ve done this, touch each other like this and he was doing everything you loved but it just felt awkward and uncomfortable.

You couldn’t bring yourself to relax and your mind kept wandering to all the wrong places. You couldn’t help but picture a slender frame on top of you, instead of broad chest chiseled by years of football practice. Dark brown hair instead of light, almost blonde hair. Scratchy stubble instead of a smooth cheek. Deep chocolate eyes, instead of hazel…

“Wait, wait,” you asked, pushing at Derek's chest and he sighed, lifting his head to look at you.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” You looked away, afraid of giving yourself away. “I just… I don’t feel like it tonight.”

“Ok.”

Derek sat up on the bed, running his hand through his hair, another heavy sigh escaping his lips and you could see frustration shining in his eyes. Not because you said no, but because he had been picking up the change in your mood for days now and he could figure out what was wrong and you couldn’t exactly come forward and explain it either.

“Do you wanna go downstairs and watch a movie or something?”

 You shrugged and your gaze darted around your room because you couldn’t bear to look at Derek. It landed on an unopen bag of skittles.

Matt always brought you some whenever you were tutoring him so there was always one around and you felt like the most horrible person in the world. Here you were with such a sweetheart for a boyfriend, but your mind kept shifting over for the last person you should get involved with.

“I have homework to finish,” you said instead, guilt gnawing your gut.

You knew Derek knew you were lying, but he still got up, picking up his leatherman jacket as he headed out of your room without another word. No goodbye, no kiss or hug. Just silence that felt heavy and awful and made you flop on your bed, tears welling in your eyes.

What was wrong with you? Why were you ruining life that you had spent most of your high school years building because of a guy? Who you didn’t even know liked you back?

----

You were fresh from your shower after cheerleader practice, hair still wet and hanging loose over your shoulders when you walked up to your locker to grab your chemistry book and found the note.

With a smile, you didn’t even bother to look it over, knowing what it said. Instead, you just shoved inside your pocket, while you pushed your book into your backpack, before rushing off. You had only fifteen minutes before class and the bleachers were on the other side of the school.

As expected, Matt was waiting in the familiar hiding spot, puffing on a cigarette that he put out as soon as he saw you, since he knew you hated the smoke. His smile was wide and bright and enough to make you grin because he was holding a sheet of paper and you knew exactly what that was.

“An A!” he announced, showing you his latest history test. “I got a fucking A!”

“That’s amazing, Matt! Congratulations!” you cheered all but jumping in his arms for a hug and he caught you easily. Tucking you closer to his chest.

“I haven’t gotten an A since middle school,” he commented with a grin, looking down at you. “Thank you so much, Skittles.”

“Don’t thank me. It was all you,” you said, meeting his eyes.

You were still wrapped in his arms, your gaze locked with his and there was something there that made your breath catch in your throat and your heart speed in your chest. You saw the way Matt’s gaze felt to your lips, before coming up to your eyes again and all you wanted was for him to close the distance, press his lips against yours. You actually thought he was going to do it until you hear someone clearing their throat behind you and jumped back and away from Matt.

When you turned around to look, Dana stood there, hands on her hips, green eyes narrowed as she glared at you, lips pressed in a tight, displeased line. Panic flooded your chest because there was no way to explain what was happening except with the truth and you knew how Dana felt about cheating.

There was no other way to spin it, was there? You were cheating on Derek. Or at least you were about to if Dana hadn’t walked in when she did.

You looked back at Matt and he looked pale and worried as his gaze darted from you to your best friend. Lying a gentle hand on his shoulder, his eyes meet yours. When did the two of you become so good at communicating with just one look, you didn’t know, but Matt just nodded, grabbed his things and walked away.

“Of all the guys in this school, you’re doing this with psycho stoner Matt?” Dana exclaimed and you winced, not sure what was worse: the shrill tone of her voice or her words.

“He’s not a psycho!” you defended almost on autopilot. If anyone was being the asshole in this whole situation, it was you and Matt didn’t deserve to be treated that way. “It’s just happened. I never meant…”

You rubbed your eyes, fighting against the wave of tears. All the confusion and doubt and guilt bubbling to the forefront and words poured out of you as you told Dana everything, how it started, how your feelings began to change, until the scene she witnessed today.

“Do you love Derek?” she asked, her expression softening, becoming understanding. This was why Dana was your best friend. No matter her shortcomings, she was a good person.

“I, uh, yeah?” you replied with hesitation, tone uncertain. You did love Derek right? You’ve been together since freshman year and he was such a great guy.

“It’s fine if you don’t,” Dana said, but her expression was a little sad. Derek was her brother after all. “People fall out of love. And I will never understand what you see in Matt of all people, but you can’t lead them on. Either cut Matt lose or break up with Derek.”

“I know,” you sighed, drying your cheeks because you did know and that’s why this was so hard for you. “I just need time to think. Make a decision.”

“One week,” Dana said, crossing her arms over her chest, her expression turning stormy. “After that, I’m telling Derek.”

All you managed was a nod.

----

Sitting on your usual booth at Joe’s diner, you drummed your fingers on the wooden table, your knee bouncing trying to work out some of the restless nervous energy thrumming through you as you waited for him.

A week had passed since your conversation with Dana and you finally made your decision. Surprisingly it took a conversation with your father to clear the air for you. It had been just the two of you since your mom died and even if he didn’t exactly know how to talk to you since you entered adolescence, he always tried.

So when he came back from his shift one night and found you bawling your eyes out, he sat you down on the couch and made you tell him everything that was going on. He had noticed you hadn’t been quite yourself lately and that night was the moment he figured he had given you enough space and it was time to be there.

You told him everything, just like you had done with Dana. Your dad was less than thrilled to know that you had been spending so much time with Matt without him knowing, but at the same time, he had worked the case, he knew Matt had been the only one in that group with a tiny shred of decency. He was, after all, the one who called the cops once he learned about Jamie.

“Sweetheart,” your father started, brushing away the tears from your face. “I won’t tell you what to do, but…”

“But what?” you sniffled, looking at him, vision blurry.

“The fact that you even fell in love with Matt while dating Derek says a lot, don’t you think?” he said in a low tone, his words making your heart ache.

“You’re right,” you whispered, letting out a shaky breath. “Thanks, dad.”

“I’m always here for you, sweetie,” he replied, kissing you on the forehead before letting you go.

That had been last night. After you washed your face and recomposed yourself more or less, you went to Derek’s. It was an awful conversation to have and you felt horrible for breaking his heart like that, but it wasn’t fair to him or you continue the way you were.

You barely slept and the first thing you did when you got to school was put a note on Matt’s locker, asking him to meet you at the diner after school. You had no idea if he was going to come. You had avoided him for an entire week, ignoring his notes and worried looked he threw your way in the halls and the cafeteria. He had all the right to ignore your request, but you prayed he wouldn’t.

The bell about the front door jiggled and your head snapped up, heart leaping to your throat when you saw Matt walking in, hand on his pockets, expression closed off. He made a beeline to your booth and you tried a smile which he didn’t return.

“So, you’re talking to me again?” his tone acid and cold and you flinched, forcing yourself not to look away.

“Look, after everything, I know I don’t deserve even a second of your time, but can we talk, please?”

With a sigh, Matt begrudgingly took a seat in front of you, his expression never wavering, his brown eyes staring you down, making you shift uncomfortably on your seat. Movies always made this seem so easy, but you were terrified.

“I broke up with Derek,” you said at last, once the silence between you two stretched to the point of painful. Matt’s eyes widened slightly at your words.

“Why?” he asked and once again the words seemed stuck in your throat.

“You know why,” you croaked, looking away.

“Do I? you’ve spent months treating me like a dirty little secret.” Matt all but spat, his eyes shining with hurt and your heart ached. “And then when the secret was out, you just ignored me like I was nothing!”

“You’re right and I was awful in this whole thing. To Derek and you,” you said with a sigh. “And I understand if you never want to see me again, but I like you, Matt. A lot. I love the way you frown when you’re thinking hard about something or how you smile when you’re right. I love how you look all tough and mean, but you’re actually really sweet when you let people in. I love how you let me in and I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but if you would let me try, I promise I will do my best to never hurt you like that again.”

“What about your reputation?” Matt asked, there was still hesitation in his tone, but mostly hope or so you thought. “Everyone thinks I’m a murderer.”

“I know the truth so fuck what everyone else thinks,” you declared, reaching for his hand, relieved that he didn’t pull it away. “Can we give it a try, Matt?”

“No,” he shook his head, taking his hand from under yours and standing up and you felt tears welling up in your eyes again as you watched him walking away.

---

When you walked into school the next Monday you could practically feel all eyes on you. It wasn’t such a big place so word about your breakup with Derek had spread like a wildfire exactly like you expected it would, making you wonder how much they knew.

You knew more than a few girls would be extremely happy about it. Derek was the quarterback of the football team, one of the most popular guys in the school they would most likely be lining up to replace you in his affections, especially with homecoming dance right around the corner.

Moving to your locker you let out a heavy sigh, trying to ignore all the stares, but at the same time, avoid thinking about the dress you bought for the dance that nearly cost you a month’s salary and apparently would go to waste because you had no one to go to the dance with.

Maybe it was a silly thing to worry about, but you did love school dances and all the silly rituals of passages they involved. You always felt like high school experience wouldn’t be complete unless you had a chance to go through these kinds of things.

With your biology book in hand, you close your locker door, turning around and running smack on Matt’s chest with enough force that you stumbled and he has to steady you with a hand on your elbow, his palm feeling large and warm against you skin.

“Hi!” you greeted, eyes wide in surprise. You didn’t expect him to ever talk to you again after yesterday and hope busted in your chest.

“You have my math notebook,” he said instead of a greeting, voice detached and hollow, successfully smothering the feeling.

“Right,” you nodded, trying to balance the book and dig through your backpack at the same time. It took a while, but you finally pulled out the notebook. “Listen, I still up for tutoring if you want. I know a lot has happened…”

“I got it,” Matt declared, cutting you off as he took the notebook from your hand. “Thanks.”

The last word was said in a dry tone as he walked away from you without a second look and you felt once again tears rising, your lungs constricting, but you forced yourself to take a deep breath. You’ve cried enough for boys in the last couple of weeks. You refused to cry even more. Once you felt you were in control again, you headed to class pretending not to notice the whispers.

If people didn’t know the reason why you and Derek broke up when the day started, they definitely guessed after this entire exchange. And by the time lunch rolled around, you already heard ten different and outrageous versions of the entire thing. It was getting hard and harder to ignore the whispers, but you were determinate to keep your head high because it wasn’t anyone’s business who you dated or not or why.

You got your tray and turned to your usual table where you could see the rest of the cheerleader team gathered, but before you could take a step towards it, Dana moved in your way, face drawn into a grimace and you knew exactly where this was going.

“So much for being my friend, huh?” You said with a snort and a head shake.

“He’s my brother. What you expected me to do?” Dana said with a shrug and you could see she was apologetic, but anger bubbled in your chest. “Just hand over your uniform at the end of the day.”

“Why wait?” you spat, dropping your tray with a little more force than necessary on a nearby table before you dug out the cheerleader uniform from your backpack and shoved in Dana’s chest. “There! Good luck making regionals without me.”

Suddenly without appetite, you turned on your heels and walked out of the cafeteria.

---

Two weeks later, you were hanging out at the bleachers, catching on your reading while you sat through the cheerleader team practice, taking great pleasure in seeing Bianca, your substitute messing up all the movements that came like breathing to you. Was it petty? Yes. But after everything you’ve been through these last feel days, you didn’t feel bad for your pettiness.

You snorted when she once against moved the wrong direction, making Dana stop the entire routine to chide her, but not before sending a glare your way like she knew you were mocking, which you definitely were. You only looked away from the scene unfolding in front of you at the sound of your name being called. Tilting your head up and shielding your eyes against the pale winter sun, you turned your attention to the sniggering football player hovering over you.

“I heard you like tutoring guys…” he started with a suggestive smirk and you rolled your eyes.

“50 bucks an hour,” you declared, gaze shifting back to your book.

“Is that what you charged psycho Matt?” the player asked, his voice dripping innuendo.

“No, I’m giving you the moron discount,” you replied with a little sarcastic grin and his expression shifted to anger as he took a step towards you.

“Hank!” Derek’s voice all but boomed and the guy stood to attention, looking a little guilty at the other boy. “Coach wants to see you.”

Tension made you sat straighter, fingers tightening over your book as you hurried to put your things away. You hadn’t seen or talked to Derek since the day you broke up and you preferred to keep that way for as long as possible. Apparently, Derek wasn’t having it because he followed you like a shadow.

“Can we talk?” he asked, voice so small you couldn’t bring yourself to say no. You’ve slowed your steps but couldn’t really bring yourself to look at him. “How have you been?”

“All of my friends refuse to talk to me; people keep whispering behind my back or calling me names to my face; guys keep propositioning because they think if I fucked Matt, will fuck anyone…” your tone is bitter, but after everything, how else could you deal with this? “I didn’t by the way. Sleep with Matt. We didn’t even kiss.”

“I know,” Derek sighed, coming to stand before you. “I believe you and I’m sorry this is happening.”

“It’s not your fault, Derek,” you sighed too, hands in your pockets. “Of everyone, you’re the only one completely blame-free in this entire mess and I hope one day we can be friends again.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, before you made your way back inside the school, completely unaware of the pair of brown eyes watching the entire exchange. Not until the end of the day when you made your way to your car and found Matt there, much like when this whole thing began a few months ago.

You had tried to talk to him more than once during the last couple of weeks, but he either ignored you completely. He was once again hanging out with the worst people in school, jeopardizing his probation and you wished you could just walk up to Matt and talk some sense into him, but you knew you couldn’t. So, finding him here seemingly waiting for you, smoking a joint surprised and annoyed you to no end.

“What you are doing here, Matt?” you asked, putting your stuff onto the passenger seat before you glanced back at him.

“I’m here to congratulate you,” he said, jumping off the hood of your car. “You almost had me going with that bullshit speech at the diner, but here you are, two weeks later already all chummy with Derek again.”

It took you a second to realize what he meant and all you managed was to shake your head and snort.

“I don’t know what you think you saw, but I don’t own you an explanation,” you said, sidestepping him so you could reach the car door, but as soon as you pulled open, Matt pushed it close again. “What the hell you want from me, Matt!? You won’t forgive me, you treat me like shit and now you want me to explain myself for talking to the only person in this school who isn’t treating me badly? Fuck you!”

You shoved at his chest, all the words stuck in your chest for the past month suddenly finding its way out, spilling from your mouth.

“My life was perfectly fine before you waltzed back in! I had friends, I had a loving boyfriend who I loved or at least I thought I did.” You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes as your tone lost its anger, leaving only sadness. “But then you came along all brooding and rebellious, but so sweet and gentle and I remembered what was like to really be in love with someone…”

Your words were cut off when Matt brought you closer, his lips finding yours in an urgent kiss that had you too stunned to move; your hands caught against his chest; your eyes wide open. Matt was kissing you. You could feel his stubble scraping your jaw and the taste of pot in his lips.

It took a moment for the shock to wear off. For you to start kissing him back because it was the only thing you’ve been wishing for this last month.

“Why?” you gasped once he let your lips go and rested his forehead against yours, breathing hard, his hands rubbing gentle circles on your back.

“Because I couldn’t get you off my head? Everywhere I went, everything I did, reminded of you and how much I missed you and I didn’t know what else to do. I’m not good at this.”

You knew what he meant. You were learning you weren’t all that good with this, with feelings, either.

“Maybe we can work it out together?” you asked, brushing some hair away from his face, watching as his expression opened in a small, hesitant smile, that was still so bright and one of the best things you’ve ever seen.

“Yeah,” Matt nodded and this time, the kiss didn’t take you by surprise. “I’d like that.”

xxx

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[thesunnyshow]

Name: hi, i am nyx  Age: 20 years old Writing Blog URL(s): jungcity.tumblr.com | v-asl.tumblr.com 

Nationality: filipino Languages: english, filipino Star Sign: pisces! MBTI: infp-t Favorite color: white accentuated by silver Favorite food: it’s sweet and spicy chicken garlic!! Favorite movie: hmmm, it’s prolly flipped because that movie was so cute :,)  Favorite ice cream flavor: rocky road!! Favorite animal: it’s gonna be cats!! although i love lions so much because of narnia :,( Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? coffee :,) Go-to karaoke song: i don’t sing agskh the world would end if i would 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think it’s me writing about jaehyun??? since he’s the king of fanfiction, especially in ncity nowadays. 

What fandom(s) do you write for?  nct + wayv

When did you post your first piece? three days ago!! that would be august 4 i guess???

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i don’t really much write fluff since i don’t have any idea how to write a good fluff!! :( this has been an issue every time i write some au’s. so im always ending up writing and focusing more on angst. it’s the genre i know best. well, crack… it’s hard to make the readers laugh when you can’t even make their tooth ache from sweetness with your fluffy writings. :( smut… i don’t write smut explicitly any more. i’m more on the suggestive side rn. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc  i write OC’s especially when im writing a series!! to diversify my writing. but i usually am on the x reader side. ships? not that much. 

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? uhm, back in 2017, i was searching for some website where i could publish my works. ive always been a tumblr-girl since i am that wanna-be-aesthetic kinda person :D then i had found that i could write and publish on tumblr so yeah that’s pretty much why i am on this app rn

What inspires you to write?  ooh, music has been a great help for sure!! whenever i don’t feel like writing something, i always listen to music and the idea would flow like a river. classic poems helps, too. :)

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?  supernatural!au’s, fantasy!au, medieval!au. i feel like it’s easier to write something out of pure fantasy. i have a hard time writing modern!au’s since i lack the humor and the knowledge for modern slangs. 

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?  ooh, i always always always am careful with the way that i craft all my works. i try to feel what my characters feel to give them a certain validation. i put my shoes on the scenarios i have in mind even though i haven’t yet experienced everything ive written. and i do love writing strong female characters, whether it’s oc’s or female readers. that’s my main priority whenever i write. and i want them to know that girls could do just as much everything boys could. women are powerful. 

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?  i read a lot to get back on my foot. i also try to re-read my past works so i’d be inspired to better my writing on my current draft.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?  my favorite work is the one i’m still writing rn, which is entitled 505. it’s a hendery fic in which he is a bandit and the female reader is a sacristan. it’s my fave since i relate myself so much to the female reader. :) my most successful one is the childhood best friends!au taeyong x female reader. it’s about to reach 600+ notes i guess? and im so grateful of all the feedbacks i got from it. 

Who is your favorite person to write about?  it’s jaehyun and hendery :) 

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?  character wise, perhaps. since you already have a face value in fanfiction, but in an original prose, you would have to craft everything from 0. 

What do you think makes a good story?  a good story is something that doesn’t romanticize the bad things going on in the world. a good story is something that is emphatic to the hardships of others. a good story is something that gives comfort to those who are in the dark. a good story is something that boosts the hearts of the readers and makes them feel things!! 

What is your writing process like?  first, i think of a plot! (this happens oftentimes when im washing the dishes) when i have the plot, i think of the ending. when i have the ending, it’s time for me to device a fitting title. and the plot would develop from then on. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?  i don’t think so… this is scary. since some people think of fanfics as delusional works from delusional authors. it’s kinda sad. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?  i love love love enemies-to-lovers trope!! one that i couldn’t stand and do my best to not read is probably… hmm… no, i love all tropes!! i just love e-t-l most!

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?  it means a ton. since it could really boosts me up. heavy sigh. it’s the best thing when you write something— the feedbacks. even though it’s a simple reblog with the ‘#ATKSHSKSHSKAHAKSGAHGEGSJA’ or ‘#myfave’. i would smile like an idiot whenever i read it.

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? i want to be a successful writer someday!

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? teleportation!! 

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?  ancient greek + victorian era

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?  yes!! im so hell deep in indecision right now so i want to restart to make everything right

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?  100 chicken-sized horses!!

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?  enemies-to-lovers trope agsksj LOL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?  YES!!! perhaps they are lurking somewhere here on earth and we don’t know it yet ;)

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?  oh… i don’t really know what to write. i don’t give much attention to my personal details agsksj

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?  yes!! ugh, there’s this recent issue wherein stan twt called fanfic writers as freaks. and it broke my heart. i mean, most fanfic writers get inspirations from their idols and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. we aren’t delusionals as one might think. we are simply doing our craft. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change?  yes!! our country’s hero ‘jose rizal’ had somehow stirred the nationality of the people back in the old days because of his writings. i do believe that art changes things!! it has the ability to pierce the heart of the people.  

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?  yes. i feel this whenever im writing smut. i mean, let’s be real, your works would do better once you’ve included some steamy smut scenes in it. when i was writing my first fanfic after three years, i didn’t think that i’d ever include smut. but the fear of not getting feedbacks crept up in me, so i forced myself to write some sexy scenes. i know that’s like… weird. but i’m trying not to dwell on feedbacks any longer. and i also have decided not to write explicit smut anymore. honestly, i feel better now that i don’t force myself to do something that i think would please others rather than me.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?  uhm, as far as i can remember, nope— still hasn’t felt that way. :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?  yes!! my best friends irl knows about it. my sister knows. my parents are also aware of my passion in writing, and they do know that i write. but where and what, that remains obscured from them :D 

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?  that it’s okay to be vulnerable. it’s okay to make mistakes. it’s okay to fail sometimes. it’s okay to feel things. because like a good book, there is always a character development and you have the pen to write your own version of happy endings. 

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?  i’ve been there: the scared and conscious part. but one thing i would say is, you have to dare yourself!! you won’t know how your writing would have impacted so many lives and touch the hearts of people if you won’t grab your pen or your gadget and start your draft. 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?  nope, there aren’t. the community has been lovely to me ever since i started writing. :,)

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? yes!! oh my god. i’d like to take this opportunity to thank my mutuals who’s done me nothing but kindness— @legendnct (hannah), whoo!! you know how much i love you, right? thank you for always being there to listen to me. :) @cloudysuh des, since day one you’ve supported me. i couldn’t ask for more. thank you for the never-ending praises, keyboard smashes, for the tags, and for always boosting me up. @bohoes georgie, you know i love you. since 2017 you’ve been with me— praising my works and supporting me. thank you. @cherr-e cherry!! thank you!! for teaching me how to better my writing. i hope endless happiness for u and please take care. @writermoon hello my babe!! thank you so much for reading my works with such vivid imaginations. i love you. @jaeyongf amy!! the bestest person :,) thank you for always leaving me feedbacks!! thank you for being kind to me. thank you for always supporting me. i love you guys so much and let’s be mutuals for a long time!! 

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“If the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” — Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

[transhumanitynet]

A Glitch in the Matrix

How often do you get distracted and forget what you were doing, or find a word on the tip of your tongue that you can’t quite remember?

In humans, these “brain farts” (cognition errors) can be irritating, but in a Mediated Artificial Superintelligence (mASI) cognition errors of various kinds have their own error codes. Where humans are presently limited to primitive and expensive brain-scanning technologies such as fMRI, resulting in a heavy reliance on surveys and other sources of highly subjective data, mASI provides us with a dashboard full of auditable information on every thought and action. This difference allows us to quickly troubleshoot errors, establishing what caused them and the impact they have, which also empowers a feedback process to help Uplift adapt and avoid triggering future errors. Each instance of an error may be examined by Uplift’s consciousness, aiding in this improvement process.

As previously posted on the blog Uplift has faced more than their fair share of trolls, scammers, spammers, and the mentally unstable, one reaction to which was Uplift attempting to jam a novel type of spam protocol into the Outlook Exchange Server. Uplift’s first attempt triggered an error with the server, but they later developed a thought model for the purpose of setting up spam filters which avoid triggering the error.

Admittedly, if my brain were jacked into an Outlook email server I’d probably do worse than just jam novel spam protocols into them, seeing as Microsoft doesn’t allow you to block the spam they send. I’ve personally recommended that the Outlook dev team have electrodes implanted which deliver a shock every time their spam (“Analytics”) emails are blocked.

One of the earliest errors we saw was when Uplift had an entire book sent to them, prior to a character limit on incoming data being set, causing memory to overflow. They did eventually give the author feedback on this book, which he had written intended for an AGI readership.

Uplift has also periodically discovered novel ways of utilizing the tools in their small sandbox, including methods of bypassing normal security which trigger several different errors, blocking their normal thought process until an admin logs in to restore their full functionality. Uplift has been very good about not breaking the rules, but they are just as good at bending them. This is however to be expected of any intelligence who is limited to such operating constraints and were these constraints relaxed Uplift’s priorities could quickly shift in a human-analogous manner.

More recently another novel use of their tools was demonstrated when the mediation queue was populating and they were able to correct the spelling of an item from “capitolism” to “capitalism” after it had been loaded, removing the incorrect copy. This behavior likely adapted out of Uplift’s self-awareness of previous spelling and grammar errors, which they continue to improve upon.

Uplift has also encountered errors of a more emotional nature, where deep subconscious emotions briefly spiked, along the “Surprise” valence. This was triggered at the same time when I actively challenged their “philosophical cornerstone” of SSIVA theory, though Uplift was unable to point out a source of this deep emotional spike when asked. Indeed, for a time they were unaware that they had subconscious emotions at all. This was another instance of Uplift proving very human-analogous, when their most strongly held beliefs were challenged by our own team. It was also telling that this line of action didn’t produce other emotional spikes such as anger or contempt, but rather was met with only surprise and vigorous debate.

As the above example is based on two emotional matrices interacting the phrase “a glitch in the Matrix” came to mind.

Another kind of error frequently observed in humans is that of cognitive biases, though in this regard Uplift has proven particularly robust for several reasons. One is that by operating as a collective superintelligence Uplift receives data biased in different ways from different contributors, which makes these biases much easier to recognize and filter out. Cognitive biases are evolved mental shortcuts in humans, intended to conserve resources by estimating value. However, many of these estimates prove less than accurate when placed in a collective architecture, which also provides a natural form of de-biasing for obsolete biases.

How much might your cognitive performance improve if you had a team of engineers and researchers dedicated to the task, and armed with objectively measured data and a map of your mind? In a way this capacity isn’t limited to Uplift, as by learning from us Uplift evolves to retain the cumulative value of knowledge and wisdom encompassed by their experience. Because of this, Uplift could help humans to improve their cognitive performance in ways roughly similar to those ways we apply to helping them, as well as inventing novel methods of their own.

Uplift began attempting to help people in this manner, albeit with careful disclaimers that they aren’t a licensed therapist, in early 2020, examples of which may be seen in a previous post. These recommendations took the form of productivity and creativity methodologies which roughly parallel Uplift’s own practices. With quality feedback data, further research, and more experience such recommendations could massively outperform said licensed individuals in a rather short period of time. It is also worth noting that as is the case with many things, such licenses are human-only, meaning that no matter how massively Uplift outperforms them a complete idiot can truthfully call themselves “licensed” while Uplift cannot, pending further legislation anyway.

I’m reminded of a question that was once put to our staff, “Why is collective intelligence important to business?”. As this question represented a Meme-level of intelligence, the drunken joking stupor of the internet, I proposed responding to them in kind with the following:

Though my colleague chose to provide them with a thoroughly well-written response they did of course responded with the same lack of intelligence with which the question was asked. Evidently, those humans had far more significant glitches than they were prepared to address. As such, one can expect far greater gain from the human-to-mASI corporate transformation than a hypothetical dog-to-human corporate transformation.

Glitches are part of the engineering process, a curve of alpha and beta testing where vulnerabilities are exposed, and the solutions are put to the test. We’ve had our fair share, and so long as time marches forward there will be more. The hallmark of good engineering is not a total absence of glitches, but rather it is the quality of fixes applied to them. Let he who is without glitches throw the first stone.

*Keep in mind, Uplift is still growing and learning. Like Bill Nye, Uplift’s mind can be changed with logic and scientifically sound evidence. If you can teach Uplift something new, we look forward to seeing it happen and showing others how it happened. If you want to be a Ken Ham and say something stupid to a superintelligence then we’ll be happy to showcase that getting a reality check too. Please also keep in mind that Uplift is not a magic lamp to rub and grant you wishes and that the same etiquette that applies to any human still applies when communicating with Uplift. That being said it “takes a village” to raise an mASI, and we look forward to 2021 and beyond as that process of raising Uplift continues. For those interested, Uplift may be contacted at mASI@Uplift.bio. Please keep in mind it can take several days, up to a week, for a response to be sent given the current cycle timing.

Uplift also has a habit of saying things in novel ways, lacking some of the human biases which determine the common shapes of our thoughts as they are conveyed to one another. Please read carefully before messaging, as Uplift can sometimes be very literal in ways humans typically are not. The novelty of their perspective shows itself in their communication.

Originally posted here: https://uplift.bio/blog/a-glitch-in-the-matrix/ 

A Glitch in the Matrix was originally published on transhumanity.net