#but also you’re literally Chinese why would you be afraid of them thinking you are American since you know English ???

[aideshou]

Istanbul 🇹🇷 🌙

[meraki-yao]

Is this a safe place? I sort of want to get something off my chest, but I have to do it anon because I’m scared. I’m a straight girl and a huge rwrb fan, and thus also a big fan of TZP and Nick. Lately I’m feeling more and more alienated in most of the fandom and I’m afraid I’m the problem? It’s just all this talk about topping and bottoming and what that means for how the characters are perceived that I absolutely do not get? Is it empowering in some way I’m not getting, because if not the feminist in me is sort of appalled.

It’s more or less the idea that bottoming is a little humiliating in a way that needs to be made jokes about that is bothering me. Like the bottom is always a little pathetic or desperate (like how women have historically been portrayed), and we should snicker when the top (or anyone) publicly «calls them out» for bottoming? Obviously not everyone does this but I see it more and more? And when it was just in fics and art I kept my mouth shut because I think that should be a free space, but now I see it in how the actors are talked about too. Like Alex is the top so TZP is made out to be hypermasculine and Henry was the bottom so Nick is either babied or made fun of? It’s bad for both imo. Why can’t tzp be babygirl sometimes and the focus be on his soft sides? All I see is talk about his body and how everyone wants him to top them. And then there’s Nick and how people are saying they are uncomfortable watching him act as a top in M&G, saying he will always be a bottom and that he is a slut etc. If it was an actress or female characters getting that treatment I would riot. And I guess I am a bit now in my cowardly anon way. Am I alone in feeling frustrated about this? Is it bad that I am? Please help me understand if I’m in the wrong.

Thank you for reaching out to me. As long as you’re respectful and not hurtful, you’re welcome here.

Actually, I’ve kind of wanted to write an essay on gay sex and the perception of gender in same-sex couples for a while now! So this might sound kind of academic, bear with me.

Preface: I identify as a straight cis girl, but I’ve been consuming both western and Asian queer media, both fiction and real person for years. This is my understanding of the matter, and I’m trying to be as sensitive and empathetic as I can be, but please note at the end of the day, I am not directly part of the queer community, therefore there may be certain things I miss, or a queer person will tell you otherwise. Also literally all my knowledge of sex comes from the internet, because Chinese culture literally does not talk about this at all. I gave my sister the talk instead of our parents. So please take what I say with a pinch of salt.

Also gonna talk about sex in an academic manner, but it’s still sex, so here’s your nsfw warning!

Ok here we go:

The power dynamic in sex position is fundamentally biological: the penetrator controls the pace and intensity of the act, thus is the active participant; the penetrated is in turn the passive. This is just the mechanics of the act: The penetrated, be it the woman in a straight couple or the bottom in a gay couple is put in the more vulnerable position, therefore the top, as the active participant is perceive as having more power, while the bottom as the passive participant is perceived as having less power.

And there are historical records of this perception: in ancient Greece, there was a common romantic dynamic called pederasty, a romantic and sexual relationship between an older man (the erastes/ to love) who acts as the active, dominant participant, aka the top, and a younger boy/ a teenager (the eromenos/ beloved) who acts as the passive, submissive participant, aka the bottom. It is speculated that this is the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus. This practice was understood as educative, as a means for the older man to teach the younger “how to be more manly as to grow up into a man”. THAT BEING SAID BY TODAY’S STANDARDS THIS IS PEDOPHILA AND DEFINITELY NOT OKAY. On top of that, the perception of being gay in ancient Rome is “it’s okay if you’re gay, as long as you’re the top”. My point is this power imbalance when it comes to same-sex relationships has existed for a very, very long time.

But the thing is a lot of things have advanced in the past centuries, and the perception of sex and gender is one of them.

So firstly in terms of sex, people are much more flexible in terms of the power dynamics, which is where terms like “switch” (can be either top or bottom), “power bottom” (the penetrated controls the pace and intensity of the act) , “service top” (the penetrator focused on their partner’s needs and wishes instead of their own) and the whole BDSM category (which I’m personally not informed about or interested in). So I would say we’re mostly past the point of humiliating bottoms or perceiving bottoms as inherently weak, and use bottom more in terms of the mechanics.

That being said, the power being more balanced does not immediately take away the gender perception of the dynamic.

Since when comparing a gay couple’s sex act with a straight couple’s sex act, the woman has to be in a penetrated position as per biology and anatomy (at least traditionally speaking), the association drawn between the bottom and the woman becomes easy to make. In fact in China, all bottoms, regardless of gender/sexuality, are referred to with female terms, like “wife”, “princess”, “queen” etc. So bottoms tend to be feminized, or at least viewed as more effeminate. Again, this has changed and made more flexible/free in modern times, but this trend is still present.

But when it comes to applying the terms on the boys, something involved is also the audience’s own perception and understanding of gender representation. “Babygirl” is more referring to the “cute” kind of attractiveness than actually babying him, which with given material, tends to apply more to the perception and presentation of Nick than Taylor. That being said I have seen Taylor/Alex being referred to babygirl as well. It’s a little rare but it’s present. I wouldn’t really say Taylor’s hypermasculine either, but in relatively, his style and manners lean more towards the masculine side of the spectrum. But again it’s a matter of perception. Are the gendered terms used on the boys affected by the dynamic of their characters? To some degree, yes. But it’s also sometimes a genuine commentary on their own style as themselves.

As for Geroge, I personally haven’t seen those comments, but the problem with the comments lies in associating George with Nick as an individual and Henry as an individual: as in, they’re not treating George as George, they’re treating George as Nick, which might be why they have such comments. That being said, this is a piece of media, so each to their own.

I think the last thing I’m gonna say to end this is that please remember that this is all subjective perception. If you see something different, then that’s just what you see. Try seeing someone else’s perspective, and if you tried and it didn’t work, then let it be. You’re not in the wrong, it’s ok that you’re frustrated, but at least I don’t think the situation is as harmful as you might see it to be. These types of comments often are throwaway thoughts, so there’s also the question on how serious a comment is.

Hope this helped! Feel free to shoot me another ask if you still have questions.

[mariacallous]

The U.S. secretary of commerce is recovering from a fractured tailbone, but she doesn’t know how it happened.

“I have no idea!” Gina Raimondo says with an exasperated sigh when I ask, before pointing to the donut pillow that she’s about to sit down on for our interview. She adds, “I’m only telling you because I don’t want you to think I’m weird.”

We meet late on a Friday morning in July in Raimondo’s office on the fifth floor of the Department of Commerce—one of Washington’s largest government buildings, located just off Pennsylvania Avenue and across the street from the White House complex.

For the past three-and-a-half years, the proximity between the two buildings has been more symbolic than ever. The Commerce Department has been thrust to the forefront of what is arguably President Joe Biden’s biggest geopolitical priority: winning the technological race against China and ensuring U.S. economic and military primacy.

That includes cutting off Chinese access to advanced semiconductor chips through ever-expanding export controls while also ensuring that more of those chips are made in the United States and allied countries; spearheading the development and regulation of artificial intelligence; and even looking ahead to the implications of advanced quantum computing through the National Institute of Standards and Technology.

As one individual put it at a recent gathering in Washington conducted under the Chatham House Rule, the Pentagon is probably “jealous” of the Commerce Department’s centrality to U.S. national security.

Raimondo acknowledged her department’s outsized influence but disagreed that the overriding sentiment is that of jealousy. U.S. Defense Secretary “Lloyd Austin has called me his battle buddy,” she said, adding that she sees herself as “connected at the hip” with the military and intelligence communities.

“We’re at the red-hot center of national security and economic competitiveness,” Raimondo said. “Some of that is because technology is in the middle of everything, and some of it, I think, is just the way in which I have managed this place.”

That centrality is why I wanted to sit down with Raimondo. I wanted to know more about how she balances the need to protect national security interests with the department’s mandate to promote U.S. economic growth and competitiveness—and her role in repositioning the department for those shifting priorities.

Raimondo’s familiarity with technology predates her political career. In 2000, she co-founded Point Judith Capital—the first venture capital firm in her native state of Rhode Island. The experience influenced her “a lot,” she told me.

“I like to be with entrepreneurs. I love it. I miss it. That’s what I did,” she said. She then lowered her voice to nearly a whisper, as if she was telling me a secret: “So many people in government just play it safe, worry about their job—you’re not going to get anything done that way. Don’t be afraid to speak up, don’t be afraid to try for something big. Have impact. Judge yourself on impact.”

Raimondo decided to take that approach into politics, being elected as Rhode Island’s treasurer in 2010 before becoming the state’s first woman governor in 2015. She served in that position until Biden named her to his cabinet—making it through the Senate confirmation process despite opposition from some Republicans who accused her of being soft on China.

It would be harder to make that claim now. Raimondo has been the target of Chinese hackers and memelords, who see her as the face of the Biden administration’s anti-China tech policies.

Some of them took that literally, superimposing her images on fake ads for Chinese tech giant Huawei’s new Mate 60 Pro smartphone, which was released during Raimondo’s visit to Beijing last year. The phone is powered by a relatively advanced 7 nanometer chip—designed and made in China—that was previously thought to be beyond Beijing’s capacity to build due to U.S. export controls.

“I was there. I saw the billboards; my face on the billboard with the Huawei phone—my kids sent me the [memes], saying ‘Mom, this is terrible!’ because it’s all over TikTok,” Raimondo said, mentioning another major Chinese tech platform that Washington is trying to ban. “They were not subtle.”

In keeping with Raimondo’s credo of judging oneself by impact, I asked what impact the export controls on China have had, and how successful the Biden administration’s “small yard, high fence” approach to cutting off Beijing’s access to critical technologies has been.

“I’m smiling, because yesterday I had a meeting with my team, and I’m pushing them hard to share data with me on the effectiveness of our export controls, and we have a little study ongoing where I’m trying to collect the data,” she said, “because that’s really the question you’re asking, like, ‘show me, show me.’”

That data is still a work in progress and hasn’t been made public yet, but Raimondo laid out her case for why she believes that the United States remains in the lead: China may have put a 7 nanometer chip in Huawei’s phone (the smaller that number, the more advanced the chip—the iPhone 15 Pro, for example, is powered by a 3 nanometer chip), but there still isn’t evidence that it can produce those chips at scale. And they’re a far cry from the 2 nanometer chips that will soon be made in Arizona by the Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company—the global industry leader—thanks to subsidies from another big Commerce Department-led initiative, the CHIPS and Science Act.

U.S. artificial intelligence models are also more advanced than their Chinese rivals, which “wouldn’t be the case” if it weren’t for export controls on the chips needed to train those models, Raimondo said.

“However, I think it’s very dangerous to assume that it’s inevitable that we’ll stay ahead. I think that’s an arrogant viewpoint,” she said. “I feel good about where we are, but literally every single day, we should be on the edge of our seat.”

Determining the size of the yard—how many and what kinds of technologies should be subject to U.S. export controls to China—and the height of the fence—how strong those export controls should be—has been a challenge. It’s a tricky place to be in for a department whose official purpose is to be the “voice of business in the federal government” in a country that prides itself on the openness that fosters technological innovation. China, with more than a billion people, has been a coveted and lucrative market for U.S. companies for years, but it is also now undisputedly the United States’ biggest geopolitical rival.

Nvidia, the California company that designs advanced semiconductors that are essential to training artificial intelligence models, is making new chips that it can continue selling to China without flouting the export controls. And the Semiconductor Industry Association, a leading trade group, has urged the Commerce Department to “reduce burdens” on chip exports even as it praises efforts to bring semiconductor manufacturing back to U.S. shores.

“Excessive and unilateral export restrictions stifle the ability of American companies to compete with foreign competitors that do not bear the same export-related administrative and bureaucratic burdens,” the association writes on its website.

The Commerce Department’s initial export controls on semiconductor sales to China in October 2022 drew a critical line in the sand and set the tone for the Biden administration’s broader China policy. They were further tightened a year later to include a broader swath of chips, and additional restrictions are reportedly in the works.

“I struggle with this. It’s hard to know exactly where to draw the line,” Raimondo said. “I’ve tried hard to bring strategic thinking to the BIS so it’s not whack-a-mole,” she added, referring to the Commerce Department’s Bureau of Industry and Security, which oversees export controls. “That being said, China’s not standing still and technology’s not standing still, so when we learn that now they can take less sophisticated equipment or less sophisticated chips and maybe use more of them to do bad things, well, then we’re going to change.”

Could there be a point where the yard gets too big, and the fence gets too high? On the latter, it’s a firm no. “There’s not a point where the fence gets too high, because China is constantly trying to get around the fence,” she said. “Yes, the yard could get too big, [but] I don’t think we’re there yet, I really don’t. [Chinese President] Xi Jinping’s civil-military fusion strategy makes it hard, because everything’s militarized. He could walk into any company at every minute and take whatever he wants.”

Raimondo engages frequently with the executives and businesses working on artificial intelligence, chips, and other next-generation technologies—and by many accounts is popular with them—but she said that those conversations have increasingly been less rosy than one might expect. “It’s not easy for me to go to Intel, and Applied Materials, [and] Lam, and tell them I’m going to take away hundreds of millions of revenue,” she said, listing three leading U.S. semiconductor companies. “But sometimes commerce has to take a back seat to national security.”

That industrial policy approach, driven by technology and defined by competition with China, has set Raimondo apart from her predecessors.

“Previous Commerce secretaries have thought of themselves as the voice of business—I don’t think of myself quite as the voice of business; I think of myself as a force for economic competitiveness,” she said. “The dynamism of our economy directly relates to our ability to lead in the world,” she added. “It’s not a huge shift …but it’s enough of a shift to matter.”

Beijing isn’t the only place where Raimondo is the face of the Biden administration’s tech policies. She’s been front and center in building the global partnerships needed to help sustain the fight against China, racking up frequent flyer miles with trips to Southeast Asia, Europe, Latin America, and the Middle East.

“I’m very purposeful about my travel—the team doesn’t like it because we don’t do anything fun,” she said. “I’ve been to the UAE [United Arab Emirates] for meetings without staying in a hotel … we fly, we do a lot of work, we get back on the plane.”

She’s also been Washington’s lead representative at new forums such as the U.S.-EU Trade and Technology Council, aimed at aligning trans-Atlantic approaches to tech regulation, and the Indo-Pacific Economic Forum, which attempts to do the same with a dozen countries in that region. It’s emblematic of another one of the administration’s priorities: shoring up bilateral and “minilateral” relationships.

Raimondo said those relationships are indispensable. “If you’ve got the best idea in the world, really the most brilliant thing in the world, [but] you don’t have buy-in from a broad cross-section of people and you haven’t built coalitions, you will fail,” she said.

Building those coalitions has become easier in some ways and trickier in others. While most of the democratic world is increasingly aligned on the threat posed by China and the need to reorient supply chains away from the world’s second-largest economy, everyone wants those supply chains to run through their soil, and many countries are heavily subsidizing industries such as semiconductors to make it happen.

I asked Raimondo how she deals with concerns about a so-called subsidy race to the bottom.

“Open collaboration and discussion,” she said. “We literally sit down and say, ‘this is how we’re spending our money.’ … I’ve been pleasantly surprised [by] the extent to which other countries have been willing to sit down with us because they don’t want to waste their money, either.”

A shared recognition of the realities of the chip supply chain also helps. More than half of all semiconductors—and more than 90 percent of the most advanced ones—are made in Taiwan, the small island off China’s coast that is an ever-more-precarious geopolitical hotspot. “We as a world are so dangerously dependent on Taiwan that there’s room for duplication,” Raimondo said.

It’s a similar story on artificial intelligence (AI), not just with other countries, but also with the private sector as well. One example is the recent $1.5 billion investment by Microsoft into G42, the UAE’s top AI company, which included an “intergovernmental assurance agreement” that the Commerce Department was heavily involved with on the U.S. side, according to multiple sources who spoke to Foreign Policy on condition of anonymity. That agreement mandated, in part, that G42 remove Chinese technology from its systems, including equipment from companies such as Huawei and Chinese cloud computing firms, the sources said. Microsoft is now reportedly backtracking on parts of that deal due to concerns around G42’s exposure to China. (Microsoft declined to comment, and G42 did not respond to a request for comment.)

Raimondo declined to comment on that deal but pointed to the UAE as an example of the sort of carrot-and-big-stick approach that the U.S. is deploying. “With respect to advanced technology, yes, we want them to pick a side … because the power of this technology in the wrong hands, in the hands of a dictator or autocrat, is too great,” she said. “I don’t twist anyone’s hand—you pick the UAE or wherever—we have the best, we want you with us, you should be with us, but these are the rules if you want to be in our ecosystem.”

Could that lead to the kind of resentment that often accompanies U.S. actions abroad or unilateral efforts to build a consensus, even with allies and partners?

“I would say yes and no. I’m in the thick of this right now with the Japanese and the Dutch,” Raimondo said, referring to the two countries that have a virtual duopoly over the equipment used to make advanced chips. Last year, Washington struck a deal with both countries to restrict the sales of that equipment to Chinese companies, but a proposed further tightening of restrictions will reportedly exempt key allies, including both Japan and the Netherlands.

“When I talk to my counterparts from Korea, Japan, Europe, they are sensitive to denying national champions revenue, and I respect that,” Raimondo said. “But don’t do it because we’re asking you to. Do it to protect the people of your country.”

It’s a message that key allies thus far appear to be on board with. “They have their own national security interests to do it,” she said. “We’re in the same boat. Now, it’s a little easier because America’s economy is bigger, and we have a lot of companies, but still, at the end of the day, it’s country first, profit second.”

It’s been an action-packed three-and-a-half years, and Raimondo has the customary mix of regrets and satisfaction ahead of the Biden administration’s term ending in a few months with the November election. On balance, she feels good and is happy to celebrate some big wins.

“When I started this job, the Commerce Department budget was $9 billion, and because of our work with Congress and the president’s leadership, it’s now like $150 billion,” she said, referring to the total funding for the Commerce Department appropriated by Congress in fiscal 2021 versus the total resources available to the department now. The latter has been bolstered in large part by the $53 billion set aside for semiconductor manufacturing by the CHIPS and Science Act, as well as major investments in broadband access and the creation of nearly three dozen new “tech hubs” around the United States.

Raimondo rattles those off as a checklist that she intends to get through by the end of this year. “The chips team didn’t exist when I got here, and now I have 200 people working for me on chips who are some of the brightest minds in America,” she added. “We’re never done, and I’m not saying it’s perfect, but as I assess we are more secure than we were because of our efforts.”

Her main regret is one that she has repeated several times throughout her tenure, including previously to Foreign Policy: the need for resources and funding commensurate with the department’s vastly expanded purview. The Bureau of Industry and Security still has a budget of around $200 million, which is the “cost of one fighter jet,” she said, repeating an analogy she has used in the past. The bureau’s budget for its core export control functions has “been flat for more than a decade, and we need help—we need more.”

As she continues to work with Congress to get those funds, the bipartisan legislation passed so far and the global alliances that Raimondo has built are what she hopes will prevent a potential second Donald Trump administration from unwinding Commerce’s most impactful policies, she said.

“When you have a statute, that’s more durable than an executive order,” she said. “And then, honestly, the other thing is [that] I’m moving as fast as possible.”

Would she continue to serve in another administration if asked?

“I love this job—it’s been an honor of a lifetime to serve. President Biden is an extraordinary leader, and I would be honored to stay in the job,” she said, “but I won’t work for just any leader. I have to work for someone I believe in and who’s principled.”

Our conversation took place two days before Biden announced that he would not seek reelection, instead endorsing Vice President Kamala Harris for the Democratic Party’s nomination. But with rumors of that eventuality already surfacing, I asked if she’d serve another Democratic president.

“Yeah,” she said, matter-of-factly. “I think it’s a fantastic job, and there’s so much more to do.”

But she prefaced all that with a clear response barely a second after I asked my question: “I will not work for President Trump.”

[blackbat05]

Night talks and Dim Sum

Shangqi x Reader

A/N: Hey y’all! This is my first time trying to write a one-shot/fic on tumblr. I have an existing wattpad account where I have some stories published! It’s mainly DC (young justice) combined with hunger games so if you are a fan, do check out @Runnerpottermore! Anyways, I have no idea why I suddenly decided to write a fic after so long - maybe because I wasn’t going through the best of days and also watched the movie recently? I just love the whole cast in general and Mr Simu Liu just killed his role - so yeah! Before I ramble on, I hope you enjoy my fic that I came up with!

Genre: Fluff, PG13, platonic friendship that can maybe turn into something more?

Warning: None? Just maybe broken Mandarin and sweaty people?

Extra Note: Please be kind to me!🥺

‘Bye.’

I take a deep breath, moving the cursor to close the window. Another day was done. Leaning back against the office chair, I stare up into the celling before closing my eyes, taking in the conversation a few hours ago.

‘It’s difficult to change what has already been so ingrained into our childhood. But what you can do is ask - what is the part of yourself that you want to keep?’

Rubbing my temples from the simple yet complex question, I decided that it was time to hit the road and get some fresh air. It was 6pm, Shangqi and Katy were probably still at the hotel.

As dreadful as running sounded to many people, this was one of the days where I could just zone out and mull over the day. The feeling of my shoes pounding into the pavement, body slowly being covered by a sheet of sweat… it felt good. Turning into the last corner of the run, a light tap on my shoulder jolted me out of my little world.

‘Woah is just me!’ My sudden stop had almost resulted me barreling right into Shangqi’s equally sweaty frame. He gives me his signature boyish grin only to earn a smack on his shoulder.

‘干嘛!’ (gànmá) [‘What are you doing!’]

‘吓死我了!’ (xià sǐ wǒ le!) [‘You scared me!’] I retorted back, removing my headphones. ‘What are you doing here, I thought you still had work?’

‘We did, but our shift ended early so I thought I’ll get in a quick run.’

‘10km is quick?’ I look at his phone that was calculating the distance, brows raised. ‘You’re a beast.’

‘Ha ha, very funny. Enough about me, what’s got you out today? I thought you were taking a break?’ We walked side by side, towards the direction of a renowned dim sum stall. ‘Yeah…’ I dragged my words for a while, hesitating to continue. ‘Just needed to think some things through.’ Shangqi nods. That’s the thing I liked about him. He never forced me to tell him things that I didn’t want to. He would wait quietly until I was ready.

‘I don’t know if I’m even going in the right direction. I thought I was doing things right - getting the grades, making sure I understood what was being taught at school… I was so sure that I could help people if I put my mind to it. But these feelings of not being able to do more… I don’t even know my future as a social worker anymore.’ I bit my lips, kicking a stray pebble.

‘Hold up!’ Shangqi steps in front of me, gripping the sides of my shoulders. ‘What did you say?’ He asks me in mock disbelief. ‘I said I’m not a good-‘

‘Nope! The conversation before this has been void! Because the (Y/N) I know is an amazing person and social worker who helps these kids to become the better version of themselves.’ He waves towards the many young Asian-American kids running around merrily in the playground as if to make his statement. A small smile formed on my lips watching Shangqi’s exaggerated movements to the disapproval of an elderly man with wispy white hair. He seemed to have noticed the looks he was getting as he dropped his hands to the sides in embarrassment.

‘Look, my point is that not many people can do what you do. Putting people before yourself, how many people would do that in this world?’

I throw him a skeptical glance. ‘You’re doing it. You’re a literal superhero that stopped a mythical creature from destroying our world. Not that it hasn’t happened.’ Shangqi snorts, ‘Sure. But hear me out. Who were the people that worked day and night to restore some order when the snap happened? Who made sure that these young kids weren’t afraid and reassured them that everything was going to be alright.’

He did have a point. Five years ago, the whole world was thrown into chaos. If I could forget something, it would be the chaos at the children and youth center on the exact day of the snap. Kids as young as four, crying uncontrollably for their missing parents. The older children who put on brave faces for their younger siblings but they too couldn’t make sense of the situation. The remaining social workers scrambling to attend to every need, every child. I was one of them. The sleepless nights, the constant worries - the social services were already overloaded, anymore pressure and the whole industry would collapse. I wanted to believe him but the doubts were becoming stronger by the minute.

Shangqi carefully stares at me as if analyzing my micro expression. ‘I know what I’m saying won’t change anything instantly. But what I do know is that we all have these moments of doubt, even me. I can’t offer you professional advice, but just like how Katy, my aunt and my mom were there for me when I needed them the most in Ta Lo, I’ll be here if you want to talk.’

‘You’re a good friend you know that right.’ My heart felt much lighter compared to the day.

‘Better than Katy?’

‘Don’t push it.’ I joked, eliciting laughter from both of us. Before we knew it, we arrived at the dim sum stall. As always, it was bustling with hungry customers. ‘Come on! Katy’s got a seat for us already, I’m starving!’ He opened the door for an young couple pushing a stroller.

‘Wait!’ Shangqi looks at me curiously. ‘I know we’re both sweaty but I think the situation calls for one.’ I gave a huge hug, ‘Thank you, that meant a lot to me.’

The sudden bear hug definitely threw the man off, but he to was glad for the heart to heart conversation. For more reasons than one.

‘Alright then! Who’s up for some char siew bao! I’m gonna inhale them - deserved it!’ I loudly declared my war against the dim sum, walking towards Katy who was enthusiastically waving at us.

Little did I know, there was a lot going on in Shangqi’s mind too.

A/N: Wew! That was long! If you’ve read it up till here, thank you for reading it! This idea really just popped out at the last minute so I’m not sure if it’s to y’all taste. Please do forgive me for my inaccurate translation - I am Chinese but like Katy my Mandarin is super rusty. Also whichever countries you come from, please give your social workers more recognition. They deserve it for a long time coming! Do give a comment or like if you wish! Just here to write and try and give simple joy to people who are such fans of Shangqi and the MCU in general.

[miraculouscontent]

A genuine question, but do you have any theories as to why when Marinette is crushing on Adrien she's awkward, stuttering, and almost always anxious (I mean as soon as she started crushing on Adrien that's what happened), while with Luka she's pretty much her regular self?

Because she isn’t actually in love with Adrien; she has a celebrity crush on him.

Love isn’t about stammering or getting weak in the knees at the sight of the person. Love is about being able to be oneself around someone and feeling comfortable around them. That’s why Marinette is “normal” around Luka but “weird” around Adrien.

Many of Adrien's other fangirls act similarly around him to Marinette, with the only difference being that they pursue Adrien directly whereas Marinette is too nervous to approach out of fear.

And to touch on that specifically; with Adrien, Marinette is afraid of being rejected because she’s not good enough. She’ll go on and on about how much of a “disaster” she is, which tends to be associated with her crush on Adrien or her screwing up around him. Her “crush” on Adrien is damaging to her self-esteem.

Marinette in “Gamer”: Um, no no no, I... No, you're so good. I mean, I'm the one who's not good. I mean... I'm lucky, that's all.

Her crush should be making her feel good about herself; it should make her feel loved and respected, which is how Luka makes her feel.

Luka in “Frozer”: Personally, I think a girl like you deserves to feel more like this. (plays a happy tune) And whoever made you feel this way is nothing but a--(plays a bad tune)

Marinette: (giggles) Thanks, Luka.

He made her feel so confident in herself that she almost immediately felt okay asking him to come with her to the ice rink. Heck, in that same episode, Marinette says this about her crush on Adrien:

Marinette: Whenever I talk to him as a friend, I hardly stammer at all. That's a sign right there. Right?

Notice how the show never tries to add a “but...” to that or explain it away; the girls’ argument doesn’t even try to refute it outside of Alya claiming Sunk Cost Fallacy as if that’s a legitimate reason to not give up (it’s not).

For more proof, look at how Marinette talks to/about Adrien:

Marinette in “Copycat” at Adrien’s answering machine: Hey, hot stuff--

-

Marinette in “Animan”: Oh, [Adrien]'s such a—

Alya: Smartie, hottie, suavísimo, yummy-tastic spellbinder?

Marinette: All of the above.

-

Mylène in “Reflekdoll”: Are you okay, Marinette?

Marinette: Yeah, he's too hot— I mean! I'm overheating in here, aren't you?

Look how so many of those are about appearance. It’s about Adrien being attractive. The moment Marinette falls for Adrien in “Origins” is in the atmospheric moment of the umbrella scene where he’s saying nothing and just staring into her eyes while the lighting makes him look all “pretty” (because I’m sorry, her falling for him based on what he says/does makes next to no sense). The reason she has so many pictures of him isn’t even about obsession: it’s about thinking he’s the hottest thing since the sun.

“Captain Hardrock” didn’t do that with Luka. Yes, Marinette initially stammered at Luka because oh no, he’s cute! but then had calmed down after Luka opened up to her and showed her a piece of himself.

Marinette in “Captain Hardrock”: What? Luka? No way! You're being ridiculous! Pff! Sure he's cool and nice and everything... but there's only one statue that drives this compass crazy!

Cool and nice. See that? It’s not, “he’s cute,” or anything shallow like that. Cool and nice are direct compliments that reflect Luka’s personality.

And what about the webisodes; the things that should be able to contain as much detail as possible so there’s no room for error or slip-ups?

Marinette in “Marinette and Adrien”: [Adrien]'s so amazing that I completely freak out every time I talk to him! I mean, seriously…he's super smart, he plays the piano, he's a great fencer, he speaks Chinese, and he's so cute too!

“Smart” is the closest thing to anything personality-based (but is also something forced onto him by Gabriel because he has to get good grades); anything else is just something he does or - again - how attractive he is.

Marinette: Adrien is a model for his father, Gabriel Agreste, the best fashion designer in Paris, and probably the world. But he never brags about it, because he's perfect!

One would think we’d be getting somewhere with “he’s humble,” but then Marinette slaps on “perfect;” you know, that line that “Lies” seemed to reject from Kagami as if it’s like how dare you think that the boy we constantly portray as perfect isn’t actually perfect?

Marinette then goes on to say that Adrien’s “major flaw” is that he gets along with Chloe, but where did that lead in the show? Adrien scolding her and making her feel bad about herself for being happy that her bully is gone, because Marinette can’t feel like she’s more right than him because he’s “perfect.” He just makes her feel inadequate.

And the “perfect” line isn’t restricted to webisodes:

Marinette in “Reflekdoll”: Huh? Uh, sure! You're perfect— I mean, it's perfect!

-

Aspik in “Desperada”: I hope I don't disappoint you, Ladybug.

Ladybug: I know you won't. You're perfect--uh, perfectly capable of defeating Desperada!

And she’s fawned before over how amazing Adrien’s life is, even without the webisodes. Literally the episode that last aired (”Lies”) had Marinette sighing over Adrien and talking nothing more about him than how amazing his life is; nothing about his personality.

It’s not about Adrien; it’s about her being starstruck by his attractiveness and how much of a celebrity he is with all these things he was forced to be taught (meaning they’re not a part of his character that he wanted; he was forced to do them in one way or anything) and how incredible being him/his girlfriend must be. Even when she calls him “nice,” one has to recognize that Adrien has to put up a polite image. Look at the difference between Adrien and Chat Noir, the latter of whom has a mask of anonymity to work with? Adrien the nice guy suddenly becomes Chat Noir the “Nice Guy.”

Now, for comparison, let’s go back to the webisodes and see what Marinette has to say about Luka:

Marinette in “Luka as seen by Marinette”: You know, Luka is my friend Juleka's brother and one of the most talented people I know.

We start off with the “talent” thing again, but Luka’s talent for music is something he chose; it’s a part of him that he’s passionate about. That’s a huge difference.

Let’s continue.

Marinette: He also proved himself a great hero when Ladybug gave him the Snake Miraculous.

Marinette: But the thing I find most impressive about him is the way he can always tell how people are feeling.

Marinette: I may not be as intuitive as he is--

Heroic. Empathetic. Intuitive.

Those are character traits. They are integral pieces to Luka’s personality, and they bring Marinette comfort. She’s normal around Luka because their romance is normal: two people who love each other and just make each other happy.

In an age where media makes romance all about characters turning to mush or losing themselves around the person they love, Lukanette ends up feeling real specifically because it doesn’t do that.

Lukanette is as it should be: Marinette and Luka are friends first, crushes second. Their first priority is the relationship aspect that’s devoid of romance, which is why Marinette honestly considers her feelings for Luka in “Frozer” instead of blindly jumping in whereas Luka respects Marinette’s agency and simply assures her that he’ll be there for her no matter what.

[chronicbatfictioner]

Exchanges and Compromises - Chapter 20

The dinner was just as Jason expected, bland, dull, a lot of formalities in which Bane was visibly struggling with and did not even bother to pretend to know the difference between steak or salad forks. Jason, Dick, and Tim managed to keep the conversation alive and light, somehow without offending the formality of the dinner. Good thing, Jason thought, that The League had taught him of formal dinner etiquette and whatnot, otherwise he would have been slurping the baiwang with the soup spoon instead of the Chinese soup spoon provided by Alfred - like Bane.

Dick, for all of his lack of etiquette education, won in the manners division - regardless of the fact that Tim was helping him by pointing out which cutlery should be used for what. At the very least, he was not beneath asking what he wasn't sure of. 

The day after was a little duller. Alfred merely informed them that the police were there along with the District Attorney, Harvey Dent, to arrest Bane on several counts of murder. Bane was arrested nearly without a fight - he had been purged of his venom strength and knew that he had no chance against some of the cops who were ready to taser him.

Jason was... frankly, a little disappointed.

"Would've been nice if there was a brawl or something," Dick voiced Jason's thought out loud just as he walked outside.

"Oh, goodness, I'm just glad this is over," Bruce commented, glaring apprehensively at Dick's back as the latter walked away with Damian. There was a good long silence before he added, "I presume now that Bane is out of this house, Damian will no longer need you two? I mean, he has me now - and his grandparents." he pointed out.

"I have vowed to guard Damian until he is an adult," Jason replied simply. Ignoring Bruce's sudden change of expression. "it is my order."

"Well, Talia... no offense. But Talia won't-- is no longer around to hold you accountable." Bruce argued.

"No, she's not. But Damian is." Jason looked at the child, sitting under one of the Manor's massive trees with a thick sketchbook before him. Dick, Jason knew, was on the tree. Even with Bane arrested, Oracle had warned that as long as he's not fully incarcerated in a maximum-security facility, he could still either get out and hurt the Waynes - including Damian. Therefore Jason asked Dick to remain with them for a little while longer. Thankfully, Dick didn't mind.

"He's a child. Children adapt well with changes of environments," Bruce said. "and if you're afraid that Bane would come back, I can hire some bodyguards for him."

Jason managed to hold back his smirk. People always thought that he was there to protect Damian; not realizing that he was protecting others from Damian's temper. Instead, he smarted, "like you protected your parents by sending them overseas."

"Oh, now, that's not fair." Bruce protested. "It was... we all thought that... at least mother and I..." he didn't finish his sentence as he exhaled exasperatedly. "His DNA check is back," he continued after a few moments of silence.

"Obviously, he hasn't a drop of Wayne blood in him," Jason suggested, a little dryly. "Something anyone with knowledge of the molecular structure of DNA would have known right away. You accepted Damian right away because you saw he has your mother's ears, in spite of his green eyes. Yet you doubted your father's denial in spite of the fact that there is nothing on Bane that resembled any of you - including about all of the portraits of your ancestors.

"And then there's something else I realized. Bane came with nothing; whereas Damian came with the Al Ghul wealth. You were more accepting because Damian would not equal splitting the Wayne wealth..."

"That is not true!" Bruce growled. "I would not have turned Damian away even if he was not Talia's child. He is my child, and I know that he is!"

"Then we're back to my initial point: You were unable to defend your parents because you did not have 100% faith in their virtues. The Al Ghuls are known leaders of the League of Assassins, to which the leadership shall now be Damian's. What will be your argument, when he decides to take over the League fully? 'Oh, I can't be associated with criminals, even if said crimes were just allegation and not a video recording of someone snapping off another person's neck'?" Jason sneered. "Now, Mister Wayne. I also would like to remind you, that I have Damian's legal custody. If you insist I should leave, I shall bring him along."

"You can't do that," Bruce scowled. "He's my biological child..."

"You have studied your country's laws, Mister Wayne. But you forgot the one crucial thing: Damian is not your country's boy by any means other than your claim." Jason mentally realized that he has placed one of his ace cards onto the table. But he honestly prefers this kind of conversation not to be had when Damian is present. And from the looks of it, he has packed his sketching materials and was making his way back indoors. "Do not try to deny Damian's access to me, or the League, Mr Wayne. He is not yours to manipulate," he added softly while Damian was still out of range.

"Hey guys, Damian and I are hungry," Dick announced as they went past the door. "Think Alfred would let us have cookies?"

"He's the one who is hungry, Todd," Damian told Jason. "I shall wait until tea time for the cookies. It is only a mere hour away."

"Why don't you scrub up a little? Tea should be ready by the time you're done." Bruce suggested.

Damian's scowl could have killed a cobra. "While I am planning on refreshing myself, father, it would be kind of you to cease directing me as if I am an imbecile," he stated, and for the second time in less than 10 minutes, Jason bit the inside of his cheek to stop a snicker.

Bruce, however, was not amused at Damian. "Well! That is not what a child should say to his father!" he admonished.

"Todd," Damian glared at Jason. "Did you not inform Mr Wayne here that I merely referred to him as 'father' due to common societal practices?" he asked with air quotes around the word 'father'.

"I have informed him that, Damian," Jason assured him.

"Do remind him on a daily basis that I am not obliged to remain here beyond what is demanded by his country's societal norms." Damian continued.

"I shall, Damian," Jason replied.

"Very well, I shall be in my quarters until tea time. You might consider feeding Grayson here, Todd," Damian said dismissively.

"I actually have some matters to discuss with you, Damian, if you don't mind. I think Grayson can fend for himself just fine," Jason told him.

"I don't mind. Let us, then." Damian said, leading the way back to his room.

Jason nodded politely to Bruce and motioned Dick to join him. "Mr Wayne, Grayson."

As they left Bruce, still standing in confusion - probably - Dick remarked, "ouch," softly.

"Go on and get your own cookies, Grayson," Jason remarked.

"I need to discuss something with you, too. You two, actually, somewhere safe." Dick said. Both Jason and Damian paused their steps. "Yeah, and we might need to call upon a certain bird for backup," Dick added, almost nonchalantly. It was not until then that Jason noticed the tenseness on his shoulders. He remembered that Dick, too, was trained to keep an eye out for danger.

"You go on ahead with Damian, I'll ask Alfred if he may have tea in his quarters." Jason decided. Damian nodded, realizing the urgency in Dick's posture, and stepped a little closer to Dick as Jason turned the other way.

Whatever it is Dick has to say, Jason could be certain now that besides himself, Dick would protect Damian fiercely. And/or protect other, possibly innocent people, from Damian's tempers.

He was just wondering why did it seem that Bruce Wayne was so intent on removing him.

And why Dr and Mrs Wayne would suddenly take a trip to Europe right after they were proverbially and literally freed from Bane.

Alfred, as usual, was in the kitchen preparing for tea time. In spite of being Americans, the Waynes seemed to like the habit of afternoon tea time.

Jason told Alfred of Damian's request, and Alfred nodded slowly. "Is Master Bruce still in the sun-room, then?" he asked.

"Last time I saw him, yeah."

"Ah, then... young Jason, may an old man request something from you and your vast knowledge of herbs?" Alfred's face was as impassive as ever when he said that, just a shade before he returned to his task of preparing some small sandwiches. But Jason was a little confused. Why would Alfred ask him for herbs? As far as Jason could tell, he was as healthy as... well, someone Jason's age, which has got to be at least a third of Alfred's; half at most. Jason didn't think that Alfred was any older than mid- to late-40s.

"Sure, how can I help?" he answered, anyway.

"Oh, I was wondering if there is any method you may suggest to... how do I put it... Chafe off surgical remains within oneself? I have had work done for my nose, you see, on a whim as a young lad; and I do not believe it looks becoming on me as I age. I feel as if it makes me look like another person is inhabiting my body, as Master Bruce was wont to say."

Jason blinked, and partially wished Dick was there to confirm his thoughts. In spite of being the exact same height as Jason, Alfred was bowing his head a little as he spoke; and Jason knew that there was a surveillance camera that would be able to record their conversation in the kitchen. His shoulders were tenser than the task of cutting bread would have required.

"Well, wow... okay. I'll need to actually search my books. You know some of the ladies back then would apply something to their skin for scars or bruises. But I'm not sure if it'll work on surgical stuff. I'll let you know?" Jason replied carefully.

"Thank you, Jason, for considering. While it shames me for being vain, it is... rather crucial." Alfred smiled at him.

"No problem, Alf," Jason patted him on the shoulder and made his way back to Damian's room - where each and every surveillance device has been disabled and/or misdirected by the combination of Tim, Barbara, and Damian's own skills.

Once Jason walked in and closed the doors of Damian's room behind him, he was greeted by both Damian and Dick's voices.

"That man is not my father, Todd! I believe my grandparents may still be in danger!" Damian exclaimed as Dick stormed over and announced 'There was an increase of drone activities outside, that's why I brought Damian in!' - followed by Damian and Dick glaring at each other, and Damian said, "Todd, we might need to acquire some new exit strategy!" at the same time as Dick saying, 'I've sent a text to Tim, but he hasn't answered. I've texted Babs, though!'

Jason cringed at them. "Whoa! Hold up! If this is how you two kids report, nobody would need surveillance equipment to hear you from Gotham Harbor!" he snarled. The two promptly stopped and glared at each other again, as if they both were hoping to have Superman's laser vision or something. "Okay, I've heard you both, and I'm upping the ante. Alfred just asked me practically for a method to dissolve foreign objects inside someone's body and allude that someone in the house is not who they seemed. And said someone might be Bruce."

Damian threw his fist to the air, stating, "I knew it!"

Dick's eyes were wide as saucers. "Okay... I would... I've wanted to say the same thing since we got in. But I was kinda scared I might be wrong. What makes you sure?"

"Alfred referred to Bruce in the past tense when talking to me," Jason said. "You? --wait, no, Damian first."

"He looked and behaved differently than the videos mother had shown me," Damian replied.

"I second Damian on this. Well, dude... we need to communicate better, don't we?" Dick said, telling the last bit toward Damian. "I've only met him once, way back when-- when my parents were... you know. But like I've told you, I remember everything from that day as if it has just happened. I remember Bruce Wayne was there with a blonde girl wearing chinchilla fur, a 50s hairdo, and an actual pearl pin. But when my parents... right after, I saw him directing traffic of people out of the tent calmly. His presence then was literally calming, like, everyone was looking at him for direction. This Bruce... generally, looked too nervous on everything; if that makes sense."

Jason thought a moment. Dick was really good at reading people's body language - even the most stoic Alfred. Before Bane was removed, Dick's assessment of Alfred was that he was uncomfortable with Bane, yet very welcoming of Damian. Thus his immediate trust in Alfred. However, since Bane was arrested and proven to not have been a Wayne; Jason hasn't got the chance to ask Dick to re-assess Alfred.

"Okay, I'll retrieve the video footage of your dad from 10 years ago from the League's servers. We'll cross-check. We'll tell the Birds once we're sure, yeah?" Jason suggested.

"Agreed," Damian nodded slowly.

"I'll have Tim keeping an eye on the Doc and Missus while we're at it, though. I mean, you know, precautions and all." Dick suggested.

"Okay, call Tim. If he doesn't answer, call Babs or his mom. I'd like this whole thing settled quickly before Bruce can do anything to harm Damian." Jason huffed a breath slowly, wondering what the hell is it with the Waynes that seemed to run on endless conspiracy theories, anyway.

[mrpenguinpants]

I am a firm believer that Childe is indeed younger than Keqing and has no form of respect for her regardless.

It’s moreso a form of me establishing that the Keqing is a short adult in her mid to early twenties who has to inevitably deal with the constant neck pain she gets from having to look up at her co-workers just to make eye contact. She curses either herself for it for never growing an inch or curses everyone around her or, well, both. Regardless, she can occassionally be found in her office stomping the floor and feeling like the battle is her against the world LMAO

As a side note, I loved the little headcanons of the boys as children you included! It was a different thing that would’ve never came to mind otherwise. While I’m totally ride or die on the “four men accidentally hire themselves a babysitter and a daily slander machine (she does it out of love)” train, I do appreciate different variations to the idea.

Oh and seeing myself on the anon list makes me feel a bit warm, it feels like I’m being acknowledged as family for crashing this wonderful blog with brainworms lmaooo— on a much serious note, I really appreciate hearing me out whenever I have an idea or two to share.

Sincerely, Keqing harem brainrot anon

(I felt like using a dash was too orthodox, and these are basically my mini love letters to you for being an overwhelming amount of seretonin, so I figured why not give it a little twist)

Minor Spoilers for Character Backgrounds

I wrote some more on this here: Genshin: Royalty AU HCs

---

FUCKING CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB AS I HOLD THIS PRECIOUS ASK IN MY HANDS. I THOUGHT YOU DIED. I WAS SO UPSET. REMEMBER THAT ANON ASK THAT I JUST REPLIED TO WHERE ANON FELT LIKE THEY WERE COMING HOME? THAT. THAT IS HOW I FEEL RN.

Yes. I know anons have lives outside of tumblr. Am I a parent penguin now? Yes. Yes I am. I’m fucking crying, it does feel like I’m seeing my family again.

---

Out of all the “adult” genshin characters, I firmly believe Childe is the youngest. He is just hovering that adult status because of his height. Can I also say how much I love that the “culturally insensitive white boy” idea came from people on twitter getting tired of Chili fanart where Childe calls Zhongli “sensei” even tho the mans Chinese? 

Speaking of short people, and because I will never shut up about this, XIAO IS 5′2. Ty for coming to my ted talk. I can literally astral project and visualize Zhongli being Keqing’s boss or co-worker that’s super respectful - but lowkey a bit slow because he keeps forgetting his wallet and Keqing is too nice to leave him without lunch - but when he’s spitting facts about the ancient art of ink blocks she’s cursing him in her mind. Why is this man so tall?? She can feel the neck muscles in her neck crying out in pain that when she finally relaxes and stares forward rather than upward, she get’s a killer cramp and ends up dying on the floor (I HATE THAT FEELING BTW). She’s out here googling ways to grow taller after puberty and chugs milk cartoons like it’s air. 

This is why I absolutely love sharing ideas with others. There is so much food to be brought to the table so I always try and encourage others to share their ideas. Plus it let’s me get my over-active brainworms out haha. 

I just love the dual personality of younger vs older genshin characters. We got to see a little bit of young Diluc in the manga (pls..I know it’s completed but crumbs. I beg of you) where he was this starry eyed and friendly knight attitude. Actual sweetheart. Your typical childhood boy next door type of vibe that was sweet and polite but was a lot smarter than he looked. He has a pet turtle (or tortoise?) and I find that so cute. I can totally see Diluc being hard working to make his father proud but also slacks hard and watches his turtle awkwardly eat a strawberry most of the time haha. He would both die for his turtle and go to war for it. Honestly, I just love the idea of child Diluc being a bit of a slacker compared to his older self, who is trying to speed run his life.  

As for Kaeya, I’m going to say this now. I fully believe in the art of shy and quiet Kaeya when he was a child. It makes sense in terms of the lore since he was basically shoved into an unknown world and all alone. Poor guy probably has a lot of insecurities and is super standoffish to happy and loud children his age. He might come off as rude but he just doesn’t know how to socially interact. As sad as this may sound, he probably mimics other children as his way of expressing emotions. Since he spent most of his time with Diluc, he probably tried to mimic Diluc’s mannerism to try and fit in but Diluc is smart and caught on. It was actually a really wholesome connection of Diluc trying to help Kaeya express himself rather than copying others. Until well, the incident that separated them. 

Complete side note since I know we’re talking about a modern au but: I know I’m stretching this super thin and this doesn’t hold up in the lore at all but I really like the idea that Kaeya is secretly the Prince of Khaenri’ah and Khaenri’ah is a code word for the Abyss. This is basically me saying I want the Abyss mages and Kaeya to actually get along but due to moving in with Diluc’s family and the world’s view on monsters. He has to talk and play with them in secret. I think it’s kinda cute haha. 

As for Childe, actual angel. Have you seen Teucer? Who is this pure innocent soul and what the FUCK happened to create this Grade A Brat? He got too many vitamin gummies and became a gorilla. I mean, both younger and older Childe would walk an old lady across the street but only older Childe would then try to 1v1 the old lady. I’m actually crippled by the idea that Childe used to be this scrawny kid that decided to bulk up due to deep insecure attitudes towards himself or protection ideas for his younger siblings. Fighting became a need to survive and he hated it at first until he met his Master and found the fun in it because it was his way of having control of a situation. Though of course, while this man has two braincells, he’s still sensible. Childe may be a clown but he’s a good big brother. 

Then there’s Zhongli. In my mind, he was basically like Kaeya. Probably came from royalty as well. He didn’t know how to express himself except his boy was actually hollow. A complete husk of a person that was just doing what he was told to absolute perfection. That was until Guizhong, who I completely headcanon as someone older than Zhongli and acts as a sister figure (fucking fight me), grew concerned for this poor child and tried her best to teach him how to have fun. That there was life outside his studies and duties. While it didn’t work out perfectly and Zhongli is still a bit slow on the uptake, he genuinely is thankful to her and her help. I can see him have a little notebook of all her advice and teachings - heck, drawings of human emotions - that he sometimes has to turn to because he’s lost. (why..do i keep making Zhongli’s part so sad). 

BUT ASIDE FROM MY BRAINWORMS. “Four men accidently hire themselves a babysister and a daily slander machine” IS SUCH A CONCEPT. I want them all to have the worst habits. Childe LICKS the yogurt peel in front of Keqing slowly because he knows it absolutely disgusts her, Zhongli eat’s his sandwiches vertically, Diluc blends coffee with 5 hours energy and doesn’t tell anyone (so everyone has the worst hangover 3 hours later because they all leech off each other), and Kaeya, for the love of god, cover your tit window. It’s too early to get arrested for public indecency. 

---

I’m happy my anon list made you feel fuzzy 💕💕. I’m probably missing a lot of anons on that list because I have the memory of a goldfish so I just listed the ones I could remember. Since you know, you’re some of the few that came back to talk to me which I honestly really appreciate. I know you all have lives outside of this small blog so it does make me really happy seeing you all come back. I’ve mentioned it before but don’t be afraid to chat with me about anything, doesn’t even have to be genshin^^ but I absolutely love the stuff you come up with. 

I never thought of an anon list acting like a family acknowledgement (more as a literal list) but I’m fully on board with that. I went back to my older anon asks to see if I missed anyone (and I probably have since the tumblr search tag is garbage) but I hope they are all still around on this blog and wanna drop by to say hi^^ 

I’m going to go change my anon list to pengu family because holy fuck that’s cute. But with that said, 

Welcome back home keqing harem brainrot anon!

[diversemymedia]

I'm writing a detective and assistant "Sherlock Holmes-style" gay couple short story/book mystery series set in Chicago which means I have to write diversely and that's getting too much for me. I'm trying to look up and read things from Mexican-Americans, Puerto Rican-Americans, Italian-Americans, Irish-Americans, Indian-Americans, Chinese-Americans, African-Americans, etc to make my stories more realistic. It's just so hard and making my head swirl to think about how many beta and sensitivity readers I'll need to make these stories turn out right and authentic to the point it'll cost too much to do. There are so many tropes to avoid and "don't do" lists that it feels exhausting reading on writing-with-color. Can I just not give characters races in my short stories and books or is that too much of a cop-out? Why is this so hard for a writer who is a poc?

firstly, I just wanna say that no one's perfect and all of our journeys are different. and honestly, I don't know if you want to hear this but i would probably recommend taking it easy a bit. if you're becoming too anxious about making mistakes that might offend people, it's probably just best to stick to your guns and stick with what you know.

i would ask the time period in which your story takes place because if it were set in earlier times, I could understand why you might be so inclined to look up things related to said groups, culturally. but at the same time, i just want to say that it's okay to write characters just like you would any other. I was told by a user once that "not all tropes are bad tropes" and ever since then, I started writing a lot more freely because I was just like you--terrified to make mistakes and i thought all tropes were inherently bad, but that's not always the case. For instance, most white women might hate the damsel in distress trope, but i've seen some black women sort of like the idea of having to be protected and rescued by characters who adore them because it's a refreshing take. but that being said, there's also nothing wrong with black women being badasses who know hand-to-hand combat. i have female characters (3 black, 1 east asian, 1 mena, all diff age groups) who I wanted to write them so perfectly to avoid them from coming off unlikeable but it's set in an apocalypse, and realistically, people will change, people will kill, people will get angry, people will be cowards, and bad things will happen to them. now, i do try to handle those types of things delicately and try not to go overboard (for instance i cannot kill off the only character of said race. something about that just seems wrong to me) but it's all about learning, and sometimes, it really is best to stick with what you know and follow your gut. if something feels wrong to you, redact it. im black so clearly, the majority of my characters are black. i also have some nonblack poc but there is also the option of just characters be "poc-coded" (dunno if that term is offensive, if it is, forgive me) such as physical traits and/or dialects. that tends to work for me because a lot people are standoffish and many of my characters are on the go and it doesn't involve a lot of getting familiar with people. so try using the "show, dont tell" method. maybe your characters can be overheard communicating a different language to someone else and that's literally good enough.

I think its also great that you're doing research, but im worried that relying on too much on information might make your characters lack three-dimensionality. For instance, lets say you're writing a character who was born in alabama and you're so afraid of making them come across as violent or poor (i.e. tropes that are often associated with black/brown people) that you avoid any sort of confrontation with this character so you build them up to be this perfect person. they attended an HBCU, were raised in an extremely wealthy family with two parents, they dress really dapper, speak extremely proper, and he's super nice to everyone...and that's it. i mean, there's nothing wrong with it--you avoided the negative tropes and they're a nice character, but there's not really much gradation to them and it makes them less interesting. again, that's just my personal take and some people are okay with that. everyone's different and you cant please everyone. im more than with characters being messy and not so perfect.

you can make mistakes and writing is essentially just writing what you think would make a good story. some things might work, some things might not and i that's okay. i understand that we're also in an extremely critical generation right now but don't let it stop you from making mistakes because it's how we learn. if there happens to be an issue with that you've written just take a mental note of it and avoid it.

not much of a tip, but just some advice. happy writing!

[seodami]

Neon green | LYY

Genre: soulmate au, fluff, friends to lovers, some frustrated feelings,...

Warning: none (besides cursing like 2 times)

Word count: 4071 (oopsie hehe)

Pairing: Trainee!Liu Yangyang x reader

Note: I am so excited for participating in the ✨NCT secret Santa event✨ I want to thank the organizers @neoculturechristmas for preparing such a cool collaboration! It is such a nice idea and I am really excited to read all the other stories. I really tried making it a bit winter themed in the beginning but oh well I think i failed haha. But if you squint ITS THERE I SWEAR :)) So this one is for you @theleemark :) I really hope you like it! Merry Christmas ✨

“Yangyang stop it!” You laughed while running away from the boy, who currently was chasing you like a maniac through the park. His arms were loaded with dozens of big white snowballs just ready to be thrown at you.

Your feet felt like they were sinking even further into the deep snow layer on the ground with each step you took. It was impossible to avoid your best friend any longer. And before you could complain further, the ice cold snow ball hit you right on your already pink cheek.

You let out a loud scream, not being able to move. The prickling pain of the cold snow overwhelming your senses.

Yangyang however couldn’t stop laughing looking at your face. Running the last few meters to you to catch up, he tackled you down into a hug, which unfortunately ended with both of you laying in the deep snow. Your jeans were soaking wet at this point. An icy feeling shuttered down your spine.

“Yangyaanggg...god I hate you.” You fumed frustratedly, hitting your best friends chest. “Get off me! You are heavy...” your weak arms tried to lift the boy above you up but bitterly failed.

Yangyang giggled into your neck, standing up by himself while helping you up as well. “Hey I’m not heavy. More like heavenly, don’t you think?” He wiggled his eyebrows teasingly with his usual smile as he posed like a supermodel.

As hard as you tried to keep pouting and stay angry at him, you couldn’t stop the laugh from bubbling up behind your hands. A grin immediately made its way onto his face. “Isn’t snow so dope? Like you can literally do anything you want. It’s like a movie.” He babbled excitedly.

You couldn’t help but secretly admire his beauty once again. Lately you’ve been catching yourself a lot staring mindlessly at him when he was busy. Even when it was just him pouring boiling water into a ramen cup. Maybe it was all the mushy lovey dovey Christmas romance content on Netflix you’ve been simping over the last month or just Yangyang himself but you were certainly sure, he definitely got more attractive in your eyes.

Still it was something you would never ever in your dreams confess to him or talk about. Especially since there wasn’t really any sign that you two were connected as soulmates. He was just...well...just your best friend. And you had to live with that.

You still remember the way you two became friends. It was a very fond memory of yours and little do you know, also for Yangyang. You both were in 5th grade back then, being the little Chinese kid who showed off his tiny German skills and the clumsy half Caucasian girl with braces. It was hilarious how well you two got along besides the differences.

You two were in the age were kids began to talk about soulmates and their soulmate connections. From writing on the arm to body switches or color blindness, everything was there. In school you briefly have learned about all the indicators and the bond itself, but you seemed to always be the odd one out. There had been no sign whatsoever. Nowhere on your body. Nothing. Niente.

It was frustrating at first. You found yourself way too often admiring older girls who already found their soulmate or had unique indicators. You were quite jealous of them back then.

But then you found out you weren’t the only person without a soulmate connection. There was Yangyang, who went through the exact same emotions as you did. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he didn’t want to be lonely.

And that is how you two bonded immediately. After this, you were always together. You acted as if you were glued together, never leaving ones side. You felt safe around each other.

Adults always told you to wait and see. That yours would come sooner or later. But nothing. 9 years later and you and Yangyang still haven’t found your soulmate or anything related to soulmates. It still frustrated you at times but being the positive person you were, you just accepted it with the time.

From time to time a lot of people happened to mistaken you two for soulmates. It always made you think ‘what if’...

Your poor heart already had been through so much because of this boy. It wasn’t easy to ignore your small crush on him starting back in 7th grade. You were both growing and having loads of hormonal crises, so it was understandable at some point. But seeing that this crush hasn’t gotten any less since then, you were just totally lost.

‘Stop it y/n! He is not your soulmate! He is not...’

You snapped yourself out of your daydreams and staring as you found Yangyang smiling brightly at you. “Oh damn y/n, lately you’ve beeen really drifting off with your thoughts.” He noted as he slung one arm around your shoulder, walking with you towards your apartment, making sure to not forget your groceries at the side of the tree.

“I noticed...maybe I should just get some more sleep.” You mumbled in your sweater paws in order to warm up your freezing hands. The boy besides you let out an airy laugh while squeezing your shoulder affectionately. One habit he unconsciously took over, over time.

“Oh yes you should. Weren’t you like playing games up until 4 am last night? You sure you aren’t a zombie by now?” He joked looking over to you, you both nearly choking from air as your eyes met, making your hearts race a bit faster.

You nodded quickly focusing on the snow on the ground again. “I kinda suck. How do you sleep at 12 am already? You’re a wonder kid.”

He shrugged his shoulders, still watching you. “It’s in my genes to be a wonder kid.” His joke made you giggle slightly. Yangyang was as always Yangyang. And you found it incredibly charming. You could never deny that.

After the short walk from the snow covered park to your apartment with all of your hands filled with full grocery bags, you decided to bake some Christmas cookies before Yangyang had to head back to his shared apartment. Ever since he began training in SM entertainment as a trainee, he hadn’t that much time like he did before. But either way, you were incredibly proud of him and always happy to spend some quality time with him.

You were lucky that none of your roommates were home, visiting family over the holidays or hanging out with their partners.

It was probably the best that you were alone because you both made a whole mess in the kitchen. It was so much fun hanging out after a long time but it was a hell of a ride to clean it all up.

When the moon was already at its highest point and the night air got even fresher and chillier, Yangyang hugged you goodbye with butterflies dancing in his stomache. He would always treasure these moments with you and think about them again when he was so hardly trying to fall asleep. It was like his mind was full of you 24/7. Even if he tried staying focused on his tasks, it would most of the times end up with him thinking about your laugh and smile as you sat on the couch next to each other while making fun of the twilight characters.

He wanted to scream in his pillow how devestatingly in love he was with you at this point. You made him just so overly happy. He wanted to be near you so bad.

And people noticed. They noticed how Yangyang showed his deepest hidden personalities only to you. His playful and quirky side but also his soft and vulnerable. He simply could be himself around yourself. And you felt exactly the same. You would tell him even your deepest secrets. You knew he would keep them safe.

Yangyang was surprised to see his fellow roommates and friends still awake in the living room as he arrived home. Ten, Hendery and Lucas were all sprawled out on the couch, seemingly waiting for sleep to take over them. The flat was confusingly quiet despite the slight background noice of the TV.

“Hey guys I’m back! Why are you still awake?” It was silent for a short while before Hendery suddenly stood in front of him, making him jump by surprise.

The older boy watched him with a growing smirk and exciting twinkling eyes. “And? Did you tell her? Please say yes, we all stayed awake just to hear the news.”

Yangyang let out a sigh, he didn’t know he was holding and stripped out of his jacket. He knew this question would come but not this soon. “Just let me breathe for a second alright? I’m gonna tell you everything.”

Ten in the background let out an excited scream. “Yangyang! You did it? Ohh finally manning up and confessing...I see.” The teasing but excited tone in his voice was as clear as daylight.

“What? No... it’s not like that...” Yangyang tried to explain the situations to his friends as he walked inside heading towards the living room with Hendery behind him.

Groans came from all sides. “You didn’t?! Oh man I really thought you finally would. What are you afraid of?” The older boys words stung inside of the youngest. He shrugged his shoulders sitting besides Lucas on the couch, grabbing the nearest pillow.

“I don’t know. Like I really don’t know. She’s absolutely amazing and so stunning but...” he placed his head on the pillow with a deep sigh. “But...I feel like I’m just a coward. Just thinking about that we probably are not soulmates or never be an actual couple. It all sucks. I wish I could just tell her...”

All the boys were deep in their thoughts as they listened carefully to Yangyang sorrows and worries. They knew they needed to help the kid in some kind of way. This had been the fifth day he decided to confess but all the prior nights turned out to be a failure. He just wanted his heart to be opened by the one person he loves the most. But it felt like there was a thick layer of securing foam around it, just waiting to be ripped away. If it was just that easy...

“Hey...I know this might sound stupid but since you seem pretty lost...I might have an idea how it will be easier for you to overcome yourself.” Lucas suddenly interrupted his train of thoughts, smiling brightly at his roommates. “Oh lord...please don’t say something stupid.” Ten prayed next to him with his hand holding his forehead.

“Tell me more.”

And that was how the plan was born.

A bulletproof plan in Lucas and Henderys eyes.

And a totally stupid one in Ten’s opinion.

But Yangyang did it anyways.

Cause he was desperate, frustrated and so full of love, it was impossible for him to think 100% straight. And he did it only for you. With the intention of getting your attention in the fullest way.

It was dyeing your hair. In freaking neon green. Cause what’s a better way to show your feelings than dying your hair in your crushes favorite color?

A lot actually. But Hendery and Lucas were absolutely confident that it had something to do with the human psyche and the law of attraction or whatever they called it. Their belief: you will fall for him immediately by the time you see his hair.

The only problem with this was that this plan was obviously not thought through yet and that the only hair coloring product in this house that came the closest to your favorite color, which was green, was a bright neon green. Yuta brought it over once for Ten to dye his Neon green highlights. And Yuta indeed could pull it off.

But Yangyang began to regret ever listening to his older friends again. He looked ridiculous. Looking himself with a frown in the mirror of the bathroom at 3 am was definitely not how he imagined this day to end.

Lucas lightly joked that he at least looked somehow christmasy. But then on the other hand Hendery couldn’t stop laughing about his own joke that he found his list highlighter. It was a mess. Ten wouldn’t even want to look at his hair and when he did, all he could say was “I told you”. It was even more frustrating.

All he could do now was sleep and wish it all just had been a dream. He didn’t really had the urge anymore to show you his hair. All he wanted to do was think about you laughing and running in the snow earlier today. And he really nearly forgot his hair dilemma for the night.

You on the other hand decided to go to sleep earlier that night since you nearly hadn’t gotten any sleep at all because of your assignments for university. It was more than exhausting for you to stay up till morning to finish up all your projects. Yangyang had to force you to go to bed at the end of the day and you didn’t even complain with his soothing voice telling you stories, slowly tugging you to your dream world.

The next morning, you woke up groaning with a heavy headache. One look at your phone and you could see it was 6:30. With a long sigh you fell back into your comfortable pillows, scrolling through your phone. Why did you have to wake up that early again? Right...university.

After what seems definitely too short for your liking, you finally climbed out of your bed, trotting towards the bathroom. There was no sign whatsoever that the headache would just go away by itself.

But as soon as you looked at yourself in the mirror, you let out a deafening scream. Your heart was thrumming as fast as never before and your adrenaline was rushing through your whole body. You couldn’t find a way to properly breathe at that exact moment.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god... please let this be a dream. Nonononono. Fuck.” You mumbled to yourself while your hands searched for support at the border of the sink.

Your eyes met in the mirror in front of you. Neon green eyes. Neon fucking green. That... that was not good.

There were so many questions in your mind all at once. But one thing was sure. You wouldn’t set a single step outside of this apartment. No one could ever see you like that. You looked like a monster. As you tried rubbing your eyes continuously or trying to find a contact lenses inside of them, you came to the conclusion that you were damned.

There were many possible explanations:

1. You somehow slept too less or have some sort of hallucination due to whatever.

2. Yangyang played a prank on you and is just waiting for you to call him.

3. You suddenly have gotten a really rare disease or disability over night.

Or the most likely one (except for Yangyang and his prank maybe)

4. You just found your soulmate connection.

Your eyes widen with realization and shock, as you came to the conclusion that this could be your possible soulmate indicator. You have learned so much about them in school and by yourself that you could easily tell what it was.

It was a rare connection. But it was possible. Having your soulmates hair color as your eye color. You were 80% sure that was the reason.

The other 20% you just thought about Yangyang. How he couldn’t be your soulmate. He would have told you that he was planning to dye his hair in NEON GREEN. What in the world was this even for a hair color?

You sat down on the floor to grasp your wilding thoughts and sort out your over rushing emotions. You couldn’t pinpoint why, but your thoughts drifted off to said boy every two seconds. It made no sense at all but your subconscious probably just wanted to tell you how stupid your feelings for the Chinese boy were. He still was your best friend of many many years. You knew this day would come. The day you would finally realize that you were no soulmates. Despite all your deepest wishes.

The whole situation was nearly ironic. Neon green eyes? That could only happen to you.

With wobbly legs you waddled over to your bedroom to pick up your phone. The blood from your hands nearly disappeared all at once and left your fingers cold as ice. You pressed Yangyangs caller ID without even thinking. You knew it was still very early and it was his free day but this was definitely an emergency.

Unconsciously you began biting your finger nails nervously, trying to think straight but failed. Everything was all over the place.

After the nth peeping tone, you could hear some dampened muffles on the other side. “Y/n? Why is- are you calling?” You heard the boys broken morning voice through the speaker, gently tugging on your heartstrings. Your heart wasn’t ready for this that early.

“Uhm...I ...well Yangyang? I kind of have a big problem and I cannot leave the house. Can you...if it isn’t too much trouble... I mean come over? I just- I really don’t know what to do...” you rambled on, not knowing what to say in a situation like that. He had to see it himself to understand. God that was awful.

More ruffling could be heard, followed by damp footsteps. “Oh...yeah sure. You sound really frustrated Y/n, is everything okay? Should I bring you something?” He questioned you with concern mirroring his voice. You shook your head, remembering he couldn’t see it.

“No it’s fine... I just need some really good advices. Its just weird. You will see when you come.” You explained to him, still biting your finger nails. “Alright I will be there in a bit. I’ll still bring you some chocolate tho, that’s always one solution.” Yangyang tried to lift up your seemingly worried mood, succeeding immediately and earning a chuckle from you.

“Thank you. You are the best. See you soon.” The line went dead and left you with a more comforting feeling than before. You were still sure everyone looking at you would scream out loud but at least Yangyang was there for you and could buy you contacts or whatever. You were always thankful to have someone like him in your life.

Not half an hour later, said boy rang the bell to your apartment. You prayed to god that none of your roommates got up because of the noice. You wouldn’t want anyone to see you like this... except for Yangyang.

In a hurry you put on a pair of sunglasses, you found on your dresser before running to the door to let him in. It wasn’t your intention to scare him away in the beginning, even though you know he would never.

The Chinese boy looked tired when you opened the door but you could still see the worry written on his face. He wore a black beanie and his long padded jacket. He looked absolutely adorable for you in that moment. But realization hit you when you couldn’t see any differences from yesterday. The heavy feeling immediately made its way to your heart. You felt horrible. You were right, he couldn’t be your soulmate. How stupid you were...

“Y/n what’s the problem? Why are you wearing sunglasses? Did you hurt your eye? Did someone hit you?!” Yangyang lowkey panicked. You dragged him inside, leaving him no time to remove most of his clothing items besides his dirty shoes.

You pulled him into your room exhaling deeply while pushing him gently on your bed to sit down. You stood in front of him still with your sunglasses on.

“I...I found out my soulmate indicator. I did right this morning.”

There was an indefinable silence in the air for a second. There was a slight drop in the boys facial expression. His heart ripped open like a bag of candy. Spilling all his content. “Wha-what...” was all he could mutter. His gaze drifting off to your feet, trying to get his thoughts straight.

“I don’t know I just...woke up like this...please don’t scream.” You scrambled nervously, taking off your sunglasses slowly and revealing your neon green eyes to him.

His mouth dropped immediately. With hammering heart and shaking hands he subconsciously reached for his beanie. If his emotions would ride the wildest rollercoaster, it would be this moment right now. Everything was all over the place but his heart lead it’s way.

Your big eyes fixated on the neon green mop of hair on top of Yangyangs head. It was hard not to forget how to breathe in that moment. “Yangyang...” you whispered softly, stepping closer and reaching for his hair, which was exact the same color as your eyes. “You...what?! Why didn’t you tell me? I was so... worried.”

He looked into your eyes, not finding fear or shock, no, there was happiness in them. Pure happiness, which surprised you immensely. There was a small smile on his lips. “Worried about what?” He reached for your hand. Emotions spilling over the top.

You sat down next to him, turning your body towards him. The blood was rushing so loud through your ears, it was hard to focus on your own thoughts. It was now or never y/n!

“About having someone else as a soulmate than... you. God it sounds so cheesy but it’s true.” You chuckled nervously wanting to chew on your nails but being stopped by Yangyang. His smile grew even bigger, letting it impossible for you not to smile.

He suddenly pulled you into a tight hug, giggling like a child. Your hands searching grip on his fluffy jacket. A warm feeling spread through your whole body. You felt wonderful. Like all sorts of sorrows and worries had been taken away from you. Immediately.

“I’m so so so happy Y/n... so happy.” He mumbled joyfully in your shoulder. He squeezed your body tight. “I wanted to confess to you. So many times. God I really fell hard for you and now I know why.”

He looked into your eyes once again, surpressing a laugh but still sending you heart eyes.

“I’m sorry but you really look ridiculous. I’m so sorry about that. I had no idea.” You nodded playfully glaring at him but still leaning closer into his touch, wanting to be even closer to him. It was a weird feeling. But everything just made sense to you now. Every single moment and feeling in the past. It was all because of your soulmate connection. You were soulmates all along and you never had a clue.

“Oh you better dye that hair back right now to black or you wait for neon pink eyes yourself.” You warned him playfully. “Even though you look like a Christmas tree... I mean it’s kinda cute.” You admitted playing with his hair in hope for him not to see your incoming blush.

Yangyang grinned to himself, unable to hold back his emotions as he saw your pinky cheeks from the compliment. He felt so giddy suddenly. “Hendery and Lucas were absolutely convinced that you would fall for me easier when I’d dye my hair in your favorite color. Unfortunately they only had neon green one left at this point in time. Please remind me to never trust them again. That was a horrible idea.”

Your heart swelled up by his words. “You did this because of me? Oh Yangyang...” your hand went to his arm. You would lie if you didn’t feel flattered in this moment. “You’re such an idiot... but a very very cute one.” You smiled at him in awe, “I appreciate it. But by all means please let us dye it back.” You both began to fall into a fit of laughter, unable to stop.

“Deal. This hair and your eyes should be banned from this country.” And with that you could proudly say that you finally found your soulmate. The person you were in love with all along. Your best friend and partner in crime. Liu Yangyang.

[dropintomanga]

Understanding Yumeko Jabami, Thanks to Mahjong

One of my latest hobbies is about to intersect with a very notable gambling anime/manga series starring a girl who just loves to risk it all.

So I found out that Mahjong Soul, the game/service I play online riichi mahjong on, is doing a collaboration with Kakegurui and my reaction to it is somewhat of a mixed one. 

That’s mostly due to what Kakegurui explores versus the ambiguity of mahjong as a gambling game.

For those who don’t know about Kakegurui, it’s a gambling anime/manga series about a young girl named Yumeko Jabami who attends a school, Hyakkaou Private Academy, where the social hierarchy is determined by gambling with your fellow students. The more you win, the more privileges you get in school. The more you lose, the worse your status is. There are multiple “loser” students that are labeled as “household pets” and have to wear a tag around their neck that labels them as such. Yumeko is noted to be a compulsive gambler. She doesn’t care if she wins or loses; she’s in it for the thrill. Yumeko’s behavior draws the attention of the whole school as she takes on various notable opponents in order to get an opportunity to take on the student council president, Kirari Momobami.

There’s a lot of commentary about Kakegurui with regards to Yumeko’s character. She does have a huge gambling addiction, but never truly pays for it in anyway. The series can be also be commentary about the nature of today’s world and how the nature of capitalism has destroyed important familial/peer bonds for the sake of status.

I find the MajSoul x Kakegurui collaboration fascinating because 

1.) Gambling is illegal in Japan. There’s literally no casinos there at all. You can beat on sports and horse racing, but if you want to play poker/blackjack, underground casinos are your best bet. And the ones who run them tend to be the yakuza. The Yakuza games highlight underground casinos to a huge degree.

2.) Mahjong has stigma from where the game originated - China. The Chinese government has frowned on people playing mahjong to gamble. While there are mahjong parlors in China, there are many stories of police raiding them and many parlors are run by gangsters. It also doesn’t help that some Chinese folks have had their lives ruined due to mahjong.

3.) Mahjong is very popular in Japan. It��s probably the most popular table game there. However, the game is in this in-between space of being a gambling game while also not being a gambling game. That’s probably a big reason why Japan hasn’t been too fussy about it.

So this collaboration has some kind of tension as many folks don’t know about the dark “gambling” side of mahjong. Kakegurui is a trip to that dark side. No real money is bet in MajSoul anyway, but I’ve been thinking about the series after getting caught up with the manga.

There’s a scene where Yumeko and one of her rivals-turned-ally, Mary Saotome, face off in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors Poker. Mary was the 1st opponent Yumeko fought and she lost her place in the school. Over time, Mary built up the resolve to challenge Yumeko again while becoming more friendlier. During their game, Mary manages to win a hand against Yumeko. Yumeko admits that she was scared during the hand, but at the same time, she’s having A LOT of fun.

Mary remarks about her comments:

“Oh. The way Yumeko sees it...fear is part of the fun of gambling. This is so ridiculous. “Fear is part of the fun of gambling”? It makes no sense. And yet, I’m starting to feel it right now. 

Getting afraid, bluffing, going in fully confident...our feelings are exposed in every move we make, and we respond to them and then...the showdown! Our true emotions are revealed. 

We’re having the kind of conversation we can only enjoy when we’re gambling.

It’s like we’re in our own little world...sharing secrets with each other.”

Yumeko isn’t a hero. Gamblers usually aren’t noble characters, but they have this tendency to inspire other people to embrace their vulnerabilities and move forward while doing so. Fear is real, but it closes off the real you. Yumeko wants the people around her to truly be themselves and take the kinds of risks that can change their lives for the better in so many ways.

There was an article I once read about how most work is BS and one of the things that was mentioned was that what’s considered work today doesn’t solve social problems. For example, many people will argue that rampant consumerism has destroyed the world. The writer said something along the lines of that it’s not pleasure that’s a problem; it’s the view that people have to suffer in order to deserve pleasure. That view feels like Puritanism because it absolves those with power of their responsibility in letting social problems happen in the first place. 

Kakegurui is a celebration of that pleasure in a way that generates real change. The freedom to have whatever desire you want. And in turn, that freedom spreads to other people in good ways. In some ways, mahjong is about the right kind of pleasure and learning how to deal with it amongst other people. It’s competitive, sure, but you’re being intimate with 3 other people and are learning more about yourself and those around you.

I don’t really gamble much, but mahjong just grew on me. While I’ve managed to do well, I have lost many times and have deliberated on many in-game decisions. I realize that the game is a safe outlet in learning how to deal with life’s many decisions. You don’t win all the time. There’s also benefits in letting other people win as well. For example, if you’re in 1st place by a lot and the player in 2nd place is chasing you, you can help the 3rd and 4th place holders by discarding tiles that you don’t need and they need. Make them take on 2nd place or each other. Hell, you can even lose to them if you know you won’t lose 1st place at all and they don’t have super-strong hands. Mahjong is a game that connects everyone and really gets going when all the parts (i.e. the players) move together.

There’s a wonderful interview I read last year from a psychology journalist turned pro poker player, Maria Konnikova, about being unable to control things in life and how poker taught her how to stay calm despite bad luck. Maria talks about the beauty of not knowing and embracing that view.

“Look at how many things there are to amaze us, to fascinate us. Look at the power of wonder, embrace it, and don’t be afraid there are things we don’t know. Don’t be afraid of uncertainty, be grateful for it. Would you want to live in a world where you knew everything and where everything was determined? 

He (Carl Sagan) hated superstition, as do I. Don’t take the easy way out. Don’t give up agency. Don’t have these stupid rituals. Science is beautiful. Lack of knowing is beautiful. All of these things we can’t control are beautiful. They’re powerful. They make us human. They make life worth living.“

We all make kinds of gambles in life when it comes to choosing the right partner/school/job opportunity. There tends to be a lot of pain, but there’s almost always something good that comes out of taking the right kinds of risk. I’m learning more about that through mahjong. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever get super-competitive in mahjong because it’s a lifetime to master. But it’s a safe outlet to process my fears of uncertainty. My mom has been a big help in telling me that it’s okay to lose and give up when needed. There has to be rainy days as well as sunny days, right? The “win at all costs” mentality causes so much harm to people and those around them.

While I know Yumeko is criticized to be a sexualized female character, Yumeko isn’t afraid to display her lust for gambling with a sense of pride. In my opinion, she represents female empowerment. There’s so many women who are slut-shamed for being sexually expressive. What bigots fear are people unafraid to express themselves and won’t let themselves be shamed for it. Yumeko is the kind of heroine whose story needs to be out there - potentially destructive and able to harness it for self-empowerment without it getting out of hand.

So, I’ll go pseudo-Yumeko and say - Gamble away responsibly to your heart’s content~! Share your love with fellow gamblers! Have fun! Make that fun destroy those insecurities awful people have placed upon you! (insert wicked grin)

[the--sad--hatter]

Sparks Fly - Chapter 13 (Bucky x Reader)

Fandom: Marvel Soulmate!AU/Detective!AU

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Gratuitous Violence, Criminal Activity, Life or Death Situations, Graphic Gore, Crime Scene Descriptions, Dark Humour, Slapstick Humour, Kara Humour, Catastrophic Amounts of Fluff, More Angst Than You Can Shake A Stick At

Summary: (Imagine Brooklyn 99 and Criminal Minds had a baby)

If you want to know if you’ve found your soulmate, it’s simple… All you have to do is kiss them. If they’re your soulmate then there will be sparks, literal sparks. You’ve seen it happen to other people and it is a sight to behold; at least you think it is. Detective Bucky Barnes is a little less enchanted with the idea.

Despite your glaring differences, you and Bucky work well together. You’re good at charming witnesses, he’s good at intimidating suspects. You can run a perp down, he can knock them down. But there’s one criminal who’s eluded you both for a long time, and when Brock Rumlow rolls back into town, you and Bucky find yourselves far outside your comfort zones.

Masterlist

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Chapter Thirteen - The Braidy Bunch 

You were afflicted with a severe case of cop-brain. It happened occasionally, you’d get so caught up in a case that you didn’t have room in your head for anything else. It usually happened on cases that were difficult to solve, enigma’s wrapped in mysteries, wrapped in a lack of evidence and a hard to decipher motive.

 This case had plenty of evidence. Two faceless corpses, a warning from a dead assassin, a murdered colleague, and a sinister bouquet of flowers.

 Motive was also clear. Rumlow was a psychopath and he was fixated on you.

 But where Rumlow was, what he would do next, and why he wanted you so afraid? Those were question you desperately needed answers to, and you had no way of knowing where to look.

 Your apartment held no clues. If it weren’t for the corpse and the roses left behind, you’d never even have known someone had been there. That thought had sent chills through you, and your grip on Bucky’s hand had tightened for a moment, but then you pulled yourself back from the edge and thrown yourself in crime-solving mode. It was the only way to get through this, to survive this. You had pulled your hand from Bucky’s and put on a profession air that kept the darkness at bay.

You weren’t the lead detective on the case, but assigning tasks authoritatively, you sure as hell acted like you were. Nobody fought you on it, they just nodded and took their marching orders seriously.

 Natasha was working her own case, with the new knowledge from you and Bucky. She was pressing on every contact she had in various other law enforcement agencies and scrolling through endless Interpol lists to identify the two faceless victims who had kickstarted the nightmare.

 Wanda and Pietro were combing through weeks of backdated security footage from the Chinese restaurant next door, to see if there had been any suspicious activity around your apartment before last night.

 Clint and Sam downtown at a well known bar for gang members, grilling his informants for information about Hydra resurfacing.

 Steve was fending off Major Crimes, and The FBI. Hydra were a known terrorist organization, which made this case a free for all, and he was working his ass of to keep it getting taken from you.

 And Bucky was glued to your side, just like he said he would be. He was taking his vow seriously, and you hadn’t left his sight for more than a few minutes, and that had been when you went to the bathroom. Even when you got back to the Precinct, he had taken up residence in an empty briefing room with you, helping you set up the whiteboards with all the evidence and passing you coloured pins as you asked for them.

 Everyone was doing everything the could, but to no avail. By the time darkness had fallen over the streets of New York, you were no closer to solving the case than you had been when the day began. You just couldn’t accept that though, you were convinced there had to be something you missed, and when Bucky had dragged you out of the station to take you home, you had managed to snag a file and smuggle it back to his apartment by hiding it under your shirt.

 “I fucking knew you were still working.” He sighed.

 You looked up from your cross-legged position on the bed, not even mildly guilty at having been caught. He was glaring at the file in your lap like he could set it ablaze if concentrated hard enough.

 “M’not tired. Listen, I was thinking about the flowers. They’re in the lab so we should know more tomorrow, we should go to the florist and see if they remember anything about who ordered them.” You said.

 There had been no card with them, because Rumlow hadn’t needed one. The flowers themselves were the message. He was telling you it was him, letting you know he was still alive, making sure you knew he was coming for you. He was lurking somewhere in the shadows, trying to get inside your head, under your skin.

 But everyone had thought he was dead. He’d been free and clear, and he’s blown it because he needed to hurt you. He might have thought he was winning, but he’d given you the upper hand, because he’d proven that you were the one who was under his skin. He’d fucked up, and that was how you were going to catch him, you were going to use his obsession against him.

 You just weren’t sure how, but you knew you could figure it out.

 You were startled out of your reverie by a pillow landing in your lap, and it surprised you enough for Bucky to pluck the evidence file out of your hand.

 “What?”

 He tossed it onto the corner of the room, and switched the light off so the only sliver of light came from the hallway. Oh, so he was sending you to bed.

 “I’m not sleepy yet, what the hell?” You snarled, attempting to get up and retrieve the file.

 “You’re not sleepy because you’re not calm.” He said, shoving you back down onto the bed. “You need to stop thinking.”

 That was rich, because by the expression on his face, he was thinking very deeply about something. While you were flattened against the headboard and glaring up at him, he re-adjusted the pillow on your lap and with a long, deep breath, climbed onto the bed and lay his head down on it.

 “What the fuuuuck is happening?” You whispered quietly, too afraid to speak loudly or move.

 It was like some sort of wild animal had climbed onto your lap in a sudden and unforeseen show of domesticity.

 “Mindless tasks keep your mind from wandering, and the happier you are, the easier you’ll sleep.” He grunted.

 That explained absolutely nothing, until… He swept his hair out from under his neck until it was all fanned out across the pillow.

 “Oh my God. Oh. My. God! Ohhhh myyyyy God.” You exclaimed in a hushed and awed whisper. “Are you? Is this? Can I?”

 “You know what it is.” He snapped.

 “I need to hear you say it, Bucket.”

 He scowled angrily at you, which didn’t quite have the effect he was hoping for since he was doing it upside-down from your lap. It was adorable.

 “You can braid my hair.” He eventually grumbled, not at all happy about it.

 You were thrilled though. The words were music to your ears and you clapped your hands together excitedly before you wiggled your fingers in anticipation. You hadn’t actually thought he would ever, in a million years, actually let you loose on his luscious locks. The first brush of your fingers against the brunette strands felt like victory, and you knew it was a memory you would treasure forever.

 You gently pulled your fingers through his hair, working out all the little kinks and knots, careful not to tug too hard. You didn’t want to spook him. He just lay there though, and after a few moments his eyes fluttered closed and all the little line on his face smoothed out as his expression melted into one of relaxation. He was enjoying this!

 You painstakingly parted his hair into even sections, and pretended you couldn’t hear the way his breathing evened out, but when you gently raked your nails across his scalp to section a parting, you couldn’t pretend you hadn’t heard that. It was quiet, but unmistakable, the soft grunt of pleasure that rumbled from his slightly parted lips. As soon as it happened, he froze, unnaturally still.

 So you did it again.

 As your nails softly dragged across his scalp, his eyelashes fluttered against his cheek and his hands balled into fists at his sides. The back of your neck suddenly felt too warm and your heart did a strange sort of pitter-pat in your chest. All those confusing feelings that were swirling around inside your chest were not any easier to deal with when the object of your affections was in your lap, and all those less confusing feelings south of your chest were not helped by the noises he was making.

 You still did it again though.

 The involuntary reactions it brought forth, the fact he hadn’t asked or hinted at you to stop, and the endearing blush that tinged his cheeks were all too hard to resist.

 It worked though, his plan. Your mind was purged of all Rumlow and case related thoughts, and even the confusing emotional bullshit slipped further away with every lock of hair you twisted. You just lost yourself in the intricate braiding, letting the repetitive actions take up your headspace. By the time you were finished, you were finally calm, blissfully thought free, and relaxed. So was he, if the peaceful expression on his face was anything to go by.

 “Bucket?” You hummed softly, tapping him on the shoulder.

 Nothing.

 “Bucky?”

 Oh damn. He was fast asleep.

 “Well, fuck.” You whispered to yourself.

A/N -  This chapter is shit, i know it's shit, but it was a shitty chapter or no chapter at all 😫

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[hyuckles-chuckles]

important message

i just felt this was important to say since this has happened today and i just want to get it off of my chest to make everything clear here. this mainly has to do with minors and their activity on my blog so if you’re a minor and following this blog !! please read !!

there’s also an update about the requirements to join the discord server at the end (as well as the main reason for this post), so if you’re a minor and haven’t expressed an interest in joining the server but would like to someday !! keep reading !!

if you’re a minor (and a very young one at that), i don’t mind you following my blog. i write lots of kinds of writings on this blog such as fluff, angst, humour and most recently sm*t (it may not seem like recent but it’s the most recent genre i’ve written on this blog). as long as you’re not reading my sm*t and not interacting with any mature posts, you can follow me.

that being said, i don’t want to be mutuals with a minor. i don’t mind talking to you if you need advice or anything, but personally i don’t want to have a friend relationship with you. i’m turning 22 this year and i’m not comfortable talking to minors — specifically those that are 15 and younger. i don’t understand why you would want to be mutuals with someone who is so much older than you in the first place, isn’t it weird to talk to a literal adult? i wouldn’t know because i started creating content for this blog when i was 18 turning 19 and was always too scared to talk to any person when i was underage, so if you someone could tell me or give me their own input that would be appreciated.

and now we have the reason why i’m making this post.

some days i will receive a message from someone who would like to join my discord server and once i see that they’ve been following me (because the main reason for this server was to connect with my followers) and then i send them a link so they can access the server. since the beginning i’ve never had an issue with a member being a minor — as of last week our youngest member was born in 2006 (i know it may seem weird to have such a young person in the server but there are others born in 2005 and the age difference between other members aren’t that large).

if you remember last year, i made a poll to discuss the happenings of this server. i remember asking questions that involved your age, one of them being “if i were to put an age restriction on this discord server, would you lie?” and even 83.3% of people said that they were 18+, i opened up the server to everyone. 5.6% of people answered 16/17 and 11.1% of people answered 15 and under. and even though there’s no age restriction on the server, someone felt the need to lie to me about their age.

a couple of days ago, i received a message from this person and they asked to be mutuals. i said ‘yes’ and asked for their age and they told me their ‘age’ which was of a young teen (i won’t reveal the age that they told me). since they wanted to be mutuals and i felt bad i wouldn't be able to provide them friendship, i asked them if they’d like to join the server considering there are young minors already there and they said ‘yes’ because they wanted to make friends. upon joining the server, there is a channel where you give some info so other members can get to know you (name/nickname, bday, url, etc.) they went onto tumblr to tell me that they were actually a year younger than the age they told me at first since the chinese new year had just occurred and i understood that and still let them be a part of the server.

but while i was asleep this morning they sent me another message. they informed me that they lied to me about their age, telling me that they were even younger. their reason for lying was because they were afraid that i wouldn’t accept them — and i wouldn’t have because their age is far too young. they lied to me twice about their age: the first time when i asked for their age, the second time when they introduced themselves in the server. now, i don’t understand why this person wanted to lie about their age to an adult, maybe to make more friends but there are plenty of people on this site who are around their age.

if the person this section is about is reading this, i want you to know that i’m not mad at you. i would just like for you to think before talking to anyone online — especially people over 18+ because they can get into trouble. it didn’t happen here, but the person you’re talking to behind the screen could be a complete creep.

so now for this reason i have an age restriction on my discord server. if you’d like to be in the server, you have to be 16 and over. i’m sorry to those that are younger than 16 that would have liked to join the server eventually, but i think this is for the better. and to those that are younger than 16 and are in the server, don’t worry about your status in the server, you will just be the youngest people in the server. in future i will be more careful when accepting people into the server, but i hope that those that want to join don’t disrespect my wishes for the server by lying to me. it hurts my feelings as i’ve never told a lie on this blog in my almost three years of being here.

anyway, i hope everybody understands my wishes and have a good day/night 💗

[glittercatmomma]

What is happening right now in America is disturbing and unnerving and I’m going to rant about it.

I’m a white woman. I have been discriminated against for many reasons but here is the thing. RACE IS NOT ONE OF THEM. That’s why the #BLM movement is so big. There are literally millions of people being discriminated against every day but no race, gender, sexuality, or religion has been mass discriminated against for this long and this badly by everyone, especially white people. African Americans are basically being borderline hunted by police and cops are never held accountable. Enough is enough.

George Floyd should not have died. He could have bombed the entire state Minnesota and the cops still should have been able to peacefully arrest him without issues considering there were 4 cops and only 1 George Floyd. He was already in his stomach and cuffed. What the hell is he going to do? Wiggle worm his way away from the cops if they look away for a split second? FUCK NO HE WOULDNT. And he was only accused of using a false check. That is not a crime that would even be close to warrant the death penalty, life, or even a large prison sentence. Crimes like that are given short sentences or just probation but here’s the kicker. THE CHECK WASNT EVEN BAD.

-no one could attempt to help him because they’d also be shot or killed or arrested for “obstruction of justice” or some bullshit crime like that because there were three other cops who weren’t actively standing on his neck that could have taken down people attempting to help.

-this is also why cops should always wear body cams. That won’t solve all problems but it’s a start and that’s something for this corrupt ass country.

-this mans death better create change. He better not have died for nothing. No one who has been murdered at the hands of cops better have died for nothing. They all deserve justice and they all deserve good lives for their families who have not been killed. They better not have died in vain. Their living family and friends deserve a life where they are not afraid to be alive and get killed for the color of their akin.

-I don’t know who said it if it was the mayor or chief of police but some dumbass white supremacist said “i saw nothing wrong with the video. if he can talk he can breathe”. NOPE THATS NOT VALID. I can guarantee with his dying breath he said that and it was the hardest three words that man ever said. So no stupid old racist white man, he couldn’t breathe. He literally fucking died.

-90% (or some other ridiculously high number) of incarcerated individuals are African American. If they’re not killed, they’re imprisoned. I’m going to law school specifically to fight situations such as these. I’m so sick of seeing black individuals imprisoned for shit that a white person walks free for. It’s utter bullshit. This justice system is bullshit.

We’re in the middle of a pandemic that is getting worse every day because our TV show host president values the economy over peoples lives.

-other countries solved their crashing economy with mortgage and rent freezes and consistent stimulus checks. (Most Americans (including myself) did not receive a check. I’m a 23 year old law student who pays for everything myself. Government didn’t see my need for my rent. Luckily my college was kind enough to refund students some money since our classes went online mid-semester when they did not have to pay us back at all.) The economy would still not be perfect but less people would die and I think that’s more important.

-other countries also have FREE HEALTHCARE so they can receive mass testing which lowers the spread of the virus even more because everyone knows who is positive or not!!!!! WILD HOW FUCKING SCIENCE WORKS. TOO BAD TRUMP DISMANTLED THE ENTIRE PANDEMIC RESPONSE TEAM IN ORDER TO HELP OUR COUNTRY LIVE. Other counties’ citizens also won’t go into debt for receiving treatment for Covid.

The #BLM movement is full swing and cops are literally using a chemical weapon that cannot be used in war.

-tear gas can legally be used to defuse RIOTS. Tear gas was used before there was even riots and there was only peaceful protests. People began rioting when Target (a corporation that the owners are literal billionaires) wouldn’t allow people that were tear gassed to get milk from the store. We have a right to protest in America. I personally don’t agree with tear gas being used at all because if we cannot use it in war time to defend a whole country, cops should not have access to it.

-tear gas??? In the middle of a pandemic??? That causes RESPIRATORY ISSUES? ARE YOU DEMENTED? WHO THE HELL APPROVED THAT? I DONT CARE IF IT GETS PEOPLE TO DISPURSE. IT MAY ALSO KILL THEM.

-if cops can arrest mass murders without even a scratch on their demented little heads, they can peacefully arrest a single black person without fucking killing them.

-If you’re a cop and you’re scared that any black individual is a threat, you’re in the wrong profession. Also, you’re racist.

-rioting occurs when peaceful protests are no longer enough. Rioting is how things got done in America. This is the last stitch effort before a full blown civil war.

-also, you cannot tell a whole ass race how to feel when a person of their race was killed at the hands of the police, who are supposed to keep us safe. They deserve to act in whatever way they feel. They are scared and threatened and they shouldn’t be. It’s 2020. How can we be this far in the future and still be racist. Its time to fucking evolve.

Trump pulled America out of the WHO. WHO is literally making vaccines and trying to make them available to as many people as possible and help begin mass testing but according to Trump, if they have any affiliation at all with China we can’t be involved with it.

-Chinese people did not cause this virus. I don’t give a flying fuck if someone fucked a duck in China and that’s what caused the virus to start spreading around the world. It’s not China’s or any Asian persons fault for this virus. Not all of China hudled together and was like hey let’s kill millions of people with this virus hehehe. NO. THATS NOT POSSIBLE. STOP BEING FUCKING RACIST.

These issues happening in the country right now no longer have anything to do with political and everything to do with morality. If you do not believe health care is a right and it’s a privilege, your morals are questionable. If you don’t believe all individuals of any race deserve equal rights and should be treated with respect and dignity, your morals are questionable. If you believe George Floyd should not have died, but also believe rioting went too far, your morals are questionable. If you support Trump, your morals are questionable.

Nothing I say or do will ever be enough to express how upset I am and how much I am hurting for the black community. I’m sorry this is the America we live in. I hope to help change it one day and when I get my law degree I will be fighting every day along side you. I hear you. I see you. I understand you. I stand with you.

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 5 (thoughts + spoilers)

i feel like i’m on a high that i’ll never come down from :))) the itsay effect. this show is truly a cultural reset.

first up, i just want to say that i have never been more worried about a final ep before IN MY LIFE. for the past couple eps, i’ve tried to watch them live raw, but for this one, i was afraid of spoilers (and wanted to understand everything from the first watch), so i waited for the vimeo ep to drop and let me tell you...that was both the longest and shortest wait ever...the excitement and the dread i’ve been feeling this whole week has been unreal.

as usual, this is not an analysis. tbh there’s prob going to be even less analysing in this one bc most of the time i was either crying or yelling at my screen (and i feel like this ep in general didn’t have as many scenes to analyse?). but god, i’m SO GLAD that they gave us a happy ending bc it would have broken me into pieces if i had to rewatch and recap this knowing everything had fallen apart for them (ecstatic that wasn’t the case, and my feelings from last ep on how things might go in this one actually panned out!!). after what went down in ep 4, i always thought that that was going to be the peak of the climax/conflict, and that this one was going to be much more of a healing ep...the ep that would bring more closure to each of the characters and their relationships, as well as wrap things up as a final ep should.

so the way this ep starts is actually kind of anti-climactic. esp after the intense emotions of what happened at the end of ep 4. which is understandable? like they were being petty teenagers angry at one another, but now it’s a few days later, and all those heated emotions have tempered down. they’re in that awkward stage where neither of them even know how to start approaching one another after the loaded feelings of the last ep (basically this is what happened to them when they were children. no one reached out, and they both drifted apart...only now they’re aware of what might happen if no one reaches out and it’s a question of whether they let history repeat itself).

oh-aew using the cue cards that teh gave him and being worried ;;; doing that thing that teh told him about writing something over and over again when he can’t say it out loud...teh deleting his line chat history ;;; i was torn with this one bc on one hand noooooo, but on the other, it could be representing them starting anew again?? ALSO, they always know how to make the most of the ost in this show (i think it’s the can’t translate/lost in translation instrumental?). i was literally shaking the first time i watched this.

i was actually very worried about how his mum was going to treat him after last ep...i thought she would be angry/ignore him, and i was feeling so anxious about it...maybe bc i personally know what that’s like. that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re scared of how they’ll react to you after a fight. teh wanting to make his mum proud is hugely important to him, so when she handed him the plate, i actually let out a sigh of relief. i’m glad that his mum understood and backed him when he needed it most (she may not be fully all the way there yet, but feelings are raw and it takes time). and i already knew hoon would, so i wasn’t too worried on that front.

tarn is so good for teh, and i really see why they were drawn to each other. but i like how she’s prioritising what’s right for her, and also telling him like it is. they need to focus on their studies now and figure out the other stuff later.

teh loitering outside the tutoring classroom before entering sort of reminds me of ep 1 when teh and oh-aew met up for the first time after their first fight...just this time it’s less straight up antagonism between the two of them and more hurt feelings as they avoid each other instead. i also appreciate the gang during this. they’re so normal and encouraging about the whole situation. they know something went down between teh and oh-aew, but they don’t really press too much about it. just let teh know that they’re here if he needs someone to talk to.

the ep 5 trailer played us!!!!!!! i was WONDERING why oh-aew would suddenly say all that nice stuff about bas (not that bas doesn’t deserve the nice stuff, he’s an ANGEL) in front of class, but their teacher was the one that put them up to it. the horror i felt as i watched teh look straight at oh-aew but turn to bless phillip instead and then start on that whole spiel about how phillip “never sees the good intentions of friends as worthless. never says ‘no’ to what friends give you” and how he’ll never leave him because of that. ALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF OH-AEW’S SALAD...STOP TEH. PLEASE. he’s digging himself into this hole himself with the passive aggressiveness again. THEN BAS COMING IN TO STEAL THIS WHOLE SCENE. i don’t think any of us were expecting him to be as forward as he was but omg. he laid it all out on the line in the way that teh couldn’t (at this point in time). i’m really, really glad that oh-aew got to hear what bas thought of him though, and that bas got to tell oh-aew all his feelings. nothing is misconstrued. he’s so brave and the utter respect i have for him increased by tenfold...what a fantastic character. just so sure and convinced in how he feels, and so uncaring of what anyone else thinks. it’s so damn refreshing. and for oh-aew to know that there’s nothing wrong with him at all. that he’s desirable and wanted and loved (it calls back to ep 4 when oh-aew’s sobbing and desperately asking teh “what did i do wrong??” again and again). it must have meant so much to him. the conflict i felt in my heart watching that and knowing that bas would be SUCH a good guy for oh-aew, but also knowing that sometimes that’s just not enough.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TEH’S REACTION TO ALL THIS. he’s truly facing the consequences of his actions in this one. but just imagine being in this position, being too scared to own up to your own heart, and then watching this other boy do it like it’s the easiest thing in the world?? like it’s just another regular day?? like it’s nothing?? all to the boy that you’re in love with. to the boy that wanted this exact thing from you, but you couldn’t give. it’s like teh’s watching oh-aew slip through his very fingers, but knowing that it’s bc he never had oh-aew in the first place (and the reason for that is himself). i also really love how no one in class (including their teacher) makes a big deal out of this? they’re all just applauding bc it’s a sweet confession. it would be so jarring for teh to see this acceptance when the fear of society not accepting his feelings for oh-aew is one of the reasons he can’t accept them himself.

anyway, i had like one thought in this next scene and it was just DRINK THE COCONUT TEH. DRINK IT!!!!!!! so nice to see how his fam loves and believes in him.

teh watching on as bas and oh-aew take the first step with their left foot :(((

LOVE how they use the firecrackers going off to represent anytime there’s some sort of shift in teh and oh-aew’s relationship (when they first met, when they had their first fight, and now again when they talk for the first time after the fight and oh-aew tells him teh that he and bas are dating now). it’s such a great way to symbolise the spark and passion of their relationship. anyway, this meeting mostly consists of the both of them trying not to cry as they act civil with one another and skirt around what happened. teh asking about what the deal is with oh-aew and bas is like a parallel with what happened last ep when oh-aew asked about teh and tarn...only this time oh-aew and bas are actually dating...man, this is really not the kind of news you want to hear right when you’re about to sit one of your most important exams ever :/// teh holding himself together until the moment oh-aew leaves and then just having a fucking meltdown over the news :((( as always, it just hurts to see teh torture himself in this way. but esp when he’s supposed to be sitting his exam and he just can’t stop crying in the exam room (been in that position and have almost done the same thing before). when he hadn’t finished his exam and they were like “time’s up, pencils down” the sheer panic i felt at this...ugh. i hate it.

the elation on bas’ face when oh-aew asks him out for chinese new year. he’s the cutest. THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST. and then when he holds oh-aew’s hand????? the boldness of it. he. just. does. not. care. i wish i had that sort of confidence!! oh-aew’s shock at this too. his realisation that it’s okay. that this is okay. and then bas being all “why would i be?” after oh-aew asks if he’s embarrassed. bas is literally giving oh-aew everything that he wanted from teh and more (compare this to that scene in ep 3 where teh and oh-aew grazes hands but don’t hold each other’s hands). he’s proud to be with him and to show the world. and, you know what?? i would do anything in the world for bas to be happy.

AND HERE WE HAVE IT. MY LONG AWAITED HOON/TEH HEART TO HEART. i wanted teh to tell hoon soooooooo badly, so to hear the words come out of his mouth...that his brother was the first person he told. i felt so relieved bc i knew that hoon would support him no matter what. the struggle in teh’s face and words...he fought so long and hard against ever admitting these feelings to someone else out loud that it would have felt so incredibly terrifying, yet also like a weight being lifted off his chest, to finally get them out there. to have someone else know his secret. and to know that his brother loves him unconditionally regardless. “if you like him, you go after him” THE WAY I SOBBED DURING THIS. i really loved what hoon said to teh. he didn’t sugarcoat things and say that everything was going to be fine if teh liked boys too. not every single person you meet is going to be okay with who you are, that’s just a fact, but i loved that he emphasised to teh that HE was okay with it. it’s just what teh needed to hear. and that it might take their mum some time to accept it too, but all she truly wants is for teh to be happy. just the feeling of hearing his brother, someone that he very clearly looks up to and respects, tell him that he can like whoever he wants to like?? that it’s all up to him and he’ll still be there for him whoever he wants to be with?? teh sorely needed that and i’m glad he got it. hoon encouraging him to go fight for his love!!!!!!! i was cry laughing at how teh just starts bawling his eyes out at hoon telling him to go after oh-aew, but then teh telling him that it’s too late for him bc he likes someone else. like from hoon’s perspective, he’s prob just like ‘this is so needlessly dramatic’ and the sibling energy during that whole part is too real. i love them.

watching bas/oh-aew with the rest of the gang and their respective girlfriends really makes you realise how open and accepting they all are. like teh was terrified in the scene just before about how his friends might not accept him and oh-aew, but then you see them here with bas/oh-aew and no one even cares (which i expected bc they’ve been supportive since day one, but it’s just nice to see in practice too). oh-aew teasing them all ahhh. cute. phillip being the relatable only single guy there (me at every gathering i go to with my relatives omg).

THE PIANIST PLAYING SKYLINE. they really wanted us all to be SAD sad huh, and they succeeded. how it pans to oh-aew and this song is yet ANOTHER reminder of teh...you know he’s thinking about cape scene where they were singing and translating to one another. on the day they made their promise to each other :( and teh being there too??????? all alone with his bowl of oh-aew on the table. feeling the exact same heartbreak that oh-aew’s feeling too :( it’s the way that so much of their relationship is beyond words for me. but they’re also both hurting so much that i just want to push them together and make them talk so they can clear everything up.

hoon talking in cute japanese to nozomi on the phone while teh goes through oh-aew’s old worksheets and cries I HATE IT HERE. i love the different ways in which teh has smelt oh-aew’s coconut scent since ep 2. how it evolves from curiosity to desire to him heartbrokenly reminiscing, every feeling changing with the shifts in their relationship.

can i just say that oh-aew’s parents are ADORABLE. but also, finding out exam results is the worst kind of anxiety. was so happy that oh-aew got in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he worked his ass off for this :’))) teh not getting his first pick wasn’t altogether surprising bc it did feel like they were leading up to this. but when he apologised to his mum about it ;;; noooo, she’s so proud of you. as someone who’s been through this process before (and didn’t get my first pick either), it always feels like it’s end of the world when you don’t get the uni pick that you want, but it really isn’t. still, it sucks when you’re in the moment there’s no denying that. but i get that it’s also particularly sad for teh since he’d already basically gotten his first pick before he gave it up for oh-aew. but again, it’s all part of the learning process, and the consequences for his actions. 

BAS BEING BEST BOY EVER YET AGAIN. how he knows exactly how oh-aew feels bc he feels it too, but he never imposes those feelings on oh-aew. he knows that oh-aew’s heart isn’t with him, can’t be when it’s with someone else, and bc he cares that much about oh-aew, he guides him in teh’s direction. it’s never a good idea to date someone who’s hung up on someone else, but i’m glad that they tried at the very least. the both of them did what they could, and oh-aew needed to experience it to know. i’m really glad that bas was there to make oh-aew realise how worth it he is too...and bas deserves someone that loves him back just as much as he loves them. seeing bas cry is the worst experience ever. 0/5. never want this ever again thank u. their hug scene was just devastating, and worse still bc it’s not anyone’s fault...you just can’t help how you feel, and that’s just the way it is sometimes.

idk why but for me, the scene with tarn was possibly the hardest scene for me to watch in this ep. it’s interesting how he’s wearing the shirt that oh-aew was wearing in ep 3 in this scene (with the bold ‘sunset’ lettering). i guess it symbolises him being ready to open up about his feelings on where their relationship is heading? either way, she’s a great friend. she’s so encouraging, and understands him and his ambitions to a tee. the both of them are always filled with such fierce determination. they just know what they want and go for it. but that’s also why these past couple eps have been all the more confusing for teh since he’s always been so sure of himself before. how she tells him that no one can take away his identity and that no one can take his dream away from him?? all these characters just knowing exactly what teh needs at the right time. she’s so incredible. no wonder teh is so scared of losing her as a friend. it’s great that he apologised for how he treated her last ep bc it’s def the least that she deserves. that being said, watching her heart get broken as teh tells her that his feelings for her have changed and asking if they can still be friends...like damn, that fucking hurts. there’s something in tarn’s face in this scene that stays with me every time i watch it, and it’s that heavy feeling of knowing that the opportunity is missed. they had the potential to have been something, but it’s slipped by now, and now they can’t go back to those initial feelings anymore. too much has changed. but it’s also that she, like bas, values teh’s happiness too much. values their friendship so much that even if she’s heartbroken, she can still overcome those feelings of heartbreak bc she cares for teh so deeply and wants to see him happy. despite the pain she’s feeling, she still encourages him to make the first move and talk with oh-aew bc she knows that oh-aew is who makes him happy. anyway, we already established this in my last rant text post for ep 4, but i love tarn with my whole heart and only ever want her happiness too. the purple hibiscus in her drawing for teh was like a final stab to the heart :(((

what i love about bas and tarn is that neither of them are the bad guys in this situation. this drama has no outright antagonist, and a lot of the time in BLs (even in standard dramas in general) that’s what the secondary love interests are used as...a hindrance for the main couple to get over. but the both of them are written (and acted) with such respect and care. it’s really hard not to fall in love with them too. the real conflict and antagonism mostly comes from within teh himself, so this series is his own journey to overcome that. a true coming of age story.

oh-aew in his uni uniform!!!!!!!!!!! cue me constantly chanting “come through, teh” over and over as oh-aew passed the restaurant hoping to see him. and I KNEW HE WOULD. not me bursting into tears as soon as they show him following oh-aew on the motorbike ;;;;;;; he loves oh-aew too much, and this was too important, he was never going to back out on this promise. i mean, he gave up his uni spot for oh-aew so he could keep this promise. technically, if you think about it, it worked in a roundabout way bc teh giving up his place was what made oh-aew decide to do the admission exam again...and better still bc he got into his first place uni all on his own accord. he proved to teh that he could do it like he always wanted to.

love that teh pushes the good luck coconuts onto oh-aew too, like his mum and brother always do for him. it’s cute. when they go to the temple again, and the significance of it being open this time so they don’t have to sneak in anymore????? my heart is FULL. another thing i love is how teh’s kind of behaving like how oh-aew did in ep 3?? being flirty?? almost toying with him?? like that part when they’re drinking the coconuts together, and he sort of slides backwards drinking the coconut, eyes not leaving oh-aew before bouncing away. that’s an oh-aew move okay. and, as always, teh encouraging oh-aew when he’s down bc the sun isn’t out. rival and inspiration. i love them more than words could ever describe.

skyline instrumental is legit the perfect song bc sometimes when you listen to it, it can make you feel like you’ll never be happy again, but then other times (like when they’re walking to the tip of the cape), it’s like a shot of pure hope to your chest. that shot of them going through the trees and right into the open space of the tip of the cape with the sun shining all around them was BEAUTIFUL. the freedom of it all, of no longer being constrained. seriously, these shots of the two of them standing in front of the golden glow of the sun are just *chef’s kiss* so stunning. cinematography on point (but when did this show ever fail me on that front).

“when i gave it, i really gave it to you” I’M NEVER GONNA STOP CRYING. i literally cannot watch this part without getting choked up and/or screaming. they’ve missed each other so much, and it’s piecing the broken bits of my heart after the last 4 eps back together again. THEY’RE FINALLY TALKING.

okay i really have to talk about this scene when oh-aew asks teh “how about you and i?” bc of the war flashbacks i’m having back to the last time this question was asked and how disastrous that turned out. it’s in how oh-aew asks it and reads teh’s hesitancy as teh thinking the same as he did last time...oh-aew’s fake smile (the same smile he put on when he asked teh how things were between him and tarn and teh told him they were pretty much the same) when he thinks that teh still isn’t willing to acknowledge he likes him back. it’s how oh-aew is willing to accept ANYTHING from teh...whether he wants to be friend or a rival...whether teh likes or hates him...as long as teh stays in his life. he’s willing to accept whatever teh wants to define them as bc he’s just missed teh so much and can’t stand to be away from him. and it’s like this is what finally clicks in for teh. that restricting himself this way is only ever going to constantly hurt the both of them. teh finally saw past himself, and realised what this meant to oh-aew. it’s like he’s finally looking at oh-aew and seeing what oh-aew needs most (has always needed most), and that in turn helps him gain the courage to say it out loud bc the love he feels for oh-aew (and for himself) is ultimately stronger than any fear he has about society not accepting them. it’s such a beautiful scene. after pushing back at himself and his feelings time and time again, he can’t deny himself anymore. his character arc has come full circle ;;; everything teh’s done in previous eps for oh-aew has shown how much he really loves and cares for him, so it just makes me happy that he released his breath and let himself be happy. it’s all i ever wanted for him.

the amount of tears i shed at teh asking oh-aew to be his boyfriend...i knew teh was very likely going to give in to his feelings for oh-aew at this point, but this was even more than i expected. that was so SMOOTH. oh-aew bursting into tears after that...SAME. then the hug in the sunset WITH the new ost song. and that last shot of teh’s handwritten full pages of ‘love’...they did the MOST with this and i’ll never ever ever be over it.

then the part 2 announcement!!!!!!!!!!!!! after so much angst, i can barely believe we’ve been given so much in such a short space of time omg. i love how teh’s tie is red and oh-aew’s tie is blue for their respective uni uniforms. ADORABLE

i know everyone was afraid (myself included) that this was going to end sad from the get go. from the trailer to the ost, we were all TERRIFIED bc realistic shows like this often end in heartbreak. we’re so used to it. but i saw someone describe itsay as a love letter to the lgbtq+ community, and i totally agree. it could very well have ended tragic/sad, but instead they subverted our expectations of the traditional ‘bury your gays’/sad gay ending we’re so used to and gave us a story that showed us that there’s realism in happiness too. there are so many struggles and hardships that lgbtq+ people have to go through bc of the world that we live in, but they CAN be happy too. this post that nadao tweeted of teh crossing out the lyrics of skyline and writing “let me set my own destiny“ instead is SO powerful, and shows the immense character growth he’s gone through over the course of the series. it made every single tear that i have shed for this show completely and utterly worth it.

i’ve mentioned this multiple times before, but i’m so grateful to nadao for giving us this drama. literally one of the best dramas that i have ever watched in my entire life. i’ve never felt so passionately about a show before, or been so attached to the characters and their relationships. everything about it...the directing, the writing, the cinematography, the acting, the soundtrack, EVERYTHING has been set to such an impeccable standard i really don’t know how, or if, i’ll ever get over it (prob not). i know i’m not the only one that thinks so, but it’s truly a masterpiece. i hope it sweeps all the awards bc it’s the least that it deserves. moreover, i’m so happy that their story isn’t over bc this cast of characters are some of my fave characters ever and i genuinely cannot wait to see more of them in march next year :’)

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #3: If I Were Young

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: This is all in my own head. 

Since it’s the 1 year anniversary of the airing of 11th anniversary of ttxs, I will write the companion piece of Nan Hai, “If I Were Young” by Ronghao Li. This song is actually extremely popular across the world. Many people, include multiple cast of CQL, has mention that they like this song. Does this make its significance to ggdd less special? I don’t think so. I think they have their own reasons for liking this song. It just shows how many different stories this song can touch. 

First, I want to mention that I love the music video to this song. The story goes very well with the lyrics and it’s almost like the mini-movie. That being said, it’s actually distracting to me when analyzing haha because I keep thinking of the story in the mv instead of ggdd. So I want to include the video of just the lyrics with full English translation instead of the actual music video.

Similar to the music video, the lyrics describes a story of an middle-age/elderly man looking back at his life with vivid imageries such as paying downpayment and punching the walls. It makes the song much more realistic but also harder to analyze the lyrics. So instead of taking apart the lyrics like I usually do, I will focus more on the overall message of different parts of the lyrics. 

This song was first mentioned by ggdd during ttxs filming. They were asked to show their playlist. This song is part of dd’s playlist. He said his playlist has a lot of sad song and he chose this song to sing as an example. Then, during an interview filmed on 7/29, the day after the airing of this episode of ttxs (7/28), ggdd were asked to describe each other with a song. We all remember that dd said “Nan Hai” without hesitation. What you may not have notice is that gg asked dd “That song you like, what is it called?” And the dd whispered “Nian Shao You Wei (If I Were Young)” and then that’s when gg said it louder into the mic. It’s speculated that ggdd probably watched the ttxs episode the night before so that they would know what song they were referring to. 

Even though the song was used by gg to describe dd, I want to analyze this song from dd’s perspective. Gg chose this song because dd likes it and he thinks it suits him. It also originated from dd’s playlist so I think the song has more significance to dd instead of gg. 

電視一直閃 (The TV keeps flickering) 聯絡方式都還沒刪 (Your contact hasn’t been deleted) 你待我的好 (The care you give me) 我卻錯手毀掉 (I mistakenly destroyed)

This first stance talks about how much care the past lover of the singer gave him and how he regrets giving this person up. The focus here is the symmetry between the meticulous, domestic care described in the song and how gg treats dd. 

也曾一起想 (We use to both want) 有個地方睡覺吃飯 (To have a place to eat and sleep [together]) 可怎麼去熬日夜顛倒連頭款也湊不到 (But how do we get past the difficult life, of working day and night, and not being able to even pay the downpayment)

Of course, ggdd have not been in a situation so dire, thankfully to their parents, that they do not have enough money for food or a roof over their heads. But this part talks about realistic challenges in life and I think it reminds dd about the hardship in the world they will need to face, even for a simple wish of living simply. 

牆板 被我砸爛 到現在還沒修 (The wallboard I smashed hasn’t been repaired to this day) 一碗熱的粥 你怕我沒夠 都留一半帶走 (A warm bowl of porridge, you’re afraid I do not have enough to eat so you only took half)

This stance describes the couple having a fight but the lover still loved the singer so much that they left half their porridge for them. I love this line the most because it sounds exactly like something gg will do. It’s so detailed and caring. 

給你形容 美好今後你常常眼睛會紅 (When I describe our future dream to you, you often have tears in your eyes) 原來心疼我 我那時候不懂 (I never knew until now that it’s because you were concerned about/cherish me)

The word “心疼” is difficult to translate because it has the connotation of being distressed for someone but out of love. Its literal translation if heart+ache. I can see this exact scene playing out with ggdd. They’re uncertain of their future because of so many obvious challenges they will have to face. And I think gg will probably “心疼” dd because dd is so much younger and have to also bear this responsibility. This is dd acknowledging gg’s concern for him and telling him that he has received his love.

假如我年少有為不自卑 (If back when I was young, I was not self-abased) 懂得什麼是珍貴 (And I knew to cherish what was important) 那些美夢 (Those beautiful dreams) 沒給你 我一生有愧 (That I was not able to give you, is something I regret my whole life)

The lyrics in the chorus is sang from the perspective of an older man regretting his decisions and lack of self-worth when he was younger, probably in his 20s. Since dd is still young and in his early 20s, we know that it’s not him looking back on his past. Instead, it’s him projecting to his future and think what his future self would tell his current self. It’s almost as if he’s lecturing himself to not have self-pity right now, cherish the love that is important to him, and be brave about facing the future. He’s warning himself about the regrets the singer of this song has. 

In this part, I also see the parallel with Wangxian. LWJ didn’t take action 13/16 years ago when WWX were bullied by everyone. He was scared because standing up for WWX would be against everything he was taught and his family. He wavered because hasn’t strong enough to fight everyone for WWX. So he lost WWX in the end. Re-meeting 13/16 years later was a second chance that was sent from heaven. This was when he started to fight for his love and protect WWX at all cost. Like dd said himself, LWJ only really realize his love after he has lost it when WWX died. But dd is also adamant that he’s not LWJ. He won’t let himself regret and lose his love like LWJ.

假如我年少有為 知進退 (If back when I was young, I knew when to fight/move forward and when to retreat/move backwards) 才不會讓你替我受罪 (Then I wouldn’t have let you suffer for me)

Similar to the previous stance, this is dd reminding himself to take current actions that he will not regret in the future. The understanding of the phrase “when to fight and when to retreat” exudes maturity. When you’re young and naive, you think that you should always try to fight forward. When you get hurt and become jaded, you become scared and retreats. But real maturity is when you learn the appropriate time to fight and when to take a step back. Dd’s understanding of this phrase shows that he has maturity much beyond his age, which we can see in other ways as well.

婚禮上 多喝幾杯 (On your wedding day, have a few more drinks) 和你現在那位 (With the person you’re with now)

This corresponds to the line in “Nan Hai” that talks about not being able to give you the future another person, in this case a girl, would be able to. The imagery of the wedding in this line is very traditional, at least to a Chinese person. You can vividly see the wedding with red veils, extended family with expectations of grandchildren, and friends drinking not to celebrate you but celebrating the sake of a tradition. Similar to “Nan Hai”, I think dd feels insecure about his age and gender, knowing he is unable to give gg this exact “wedding” and that another person can. But honestly dd, think about Wangxian. The best part about Wangxian’s ending is that they never had a wedding ceremony. Why? Because wedding ceremonies are not for the two people in love. Wedding ceremonies are what people feel like they owe the world. But the world was so cruel to them that they said “f- that” and just eloped on their own. Life belongs to two people. You owe the world nothing.

In summary, this song is dd constantly reminding himself to make the right decision right now so that he will not regret it in the future. From both “Nan Hai” and this song, we can see that even though dd seems straightforward, confident, and unfazed to what the world thinks of him, deep down, he’s actually fragile, insecure, and scared. Dd has the tendency to want to be strong and he wants to give gg everything. But everyone has limits and these songs represents his fear of not being able to live up to his own promises. It’s also because of this fragile interior that dd is attracted to gg. Even though gg seems nice, easy-going, and gentle on the outside, he’s actually very strong, confident, and secure on the inside. This is evident from my analysis of “If I Were A Song.” Gg is confident about the care he can provide for dd. These two love each other, need each other, and complete each other. 

[tearsofthemis]

Tears of Themis : Chapter 2 “Unbearable Love“ Part 4

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▌Location- Stellis University Campus

(I was swamped with work until Saturday and completely forgot about Mo Yi’s invitation. When Sunday came and I woke up without the harsh sounds of my alarm, I suddenly remembered my plans with Mo Yi.)

MC: “I forgot to tell him that I’m coming, I wonder if I’ll be able to bump into Dr. Mo.”

(I took out my phone and started browsing through the art exhibition’s introduction while walking toward Stellis University’s exhibition gallery.)

MC: “The PAX Group is the sponsor for this art exhibit. No wonder there are so many priceless works of art on display. Rembrandt’s ‘Night Watch,’ Cezanne’s ‘The Card Players’...”

(Suddenly, a news notification popped up on my phone and prevented me from reading further. “The next Madam PAX candidate revealed, famous designer Shen Xi and young CEO Lu in a love to death relationship!”)

MC: “Ugh whichever annoying app is sending me such useless gossip news, consider yourself uninstalled.”

(After I deleted the app, another notification popped up. “Famous actor Li Zhou visits a private clinic late at night with a mysterious woman. More to come this Monday!”)

MC: “They already had to visit a clinic, and even then these news outlets won’t give people their privacy… Ah!”

(Darkness filled my vision as I was enveloped by a hot and cold breeze. It was a gentle feeling, yet cold cold to the touch like a fleeting moment in time.)

???: “Xiao jiejie [1], watch where you’re going.”

(After hearing an irritating voice, I rubbed my sore nose and looked up to see a fashionably dressed man standing before me. His furrowed brows had a tinge of youth to them, and underneath the dappled sunlight shining through the trees, his deep indigo hair shone with flecks of navy blue. Was this the source of the cool scent from earlier? It sure doesn't match his fiery temperament, but you know what they say, “the nose knows.”)

???: “Oi, are you stable now? I’m gonna let go.”

MC: “Ah, I’m so sorry…”

(That’s when I realized he had steadied me by holding onto my arms. He must have warned me after noticing that I was wearing heels.)

???: “MC? A lawyer from Themis Law Firm?”

(He picked up my employee ID from off the ground and was looking at it curiously.)

???: “Your made an appearance on the news recently, so I’ve heard of your name.”

(I made it on the news? Ah, he must be talking about the QingPing Restaurant case.)

MC: “Sorry, I'm so sorry, I was looking at my phone and wasn’t paying attention.”

???: “Check your ankles, see if you’re hurt anywhere.”

(I tried putting weight on my ankles; there was nothing unusual.)

MC: “I’m alright. Thanks…”

(He held onto me a while longer, until he was sure I was alright, before pulling back. )

???: “As long as you’re alright. Here’s your ID, I’ll be going then.”

(I took back my work badge and was about to thank him for catching me when I noticed his cheeks were damp with sweat. His t-shirt and dress shirt were slightly wrinkled, and his necklaces were tangled together. Did he… run over here?)

MC: “Just now… it was you who bumped into me!”

(I was walking slower than usual while I was looking at my phone. If the other party wasn’t running over, then the chances of us colliding would have been pretty unlikely!)

???: “Haha, whoops, and here I was thinking that I had fooled you. You caught on quickly.”

MC: “You were in the wrong, and yet you dared to push the blame on me. How incorrigible! Are you a student at Stellis University?”

(He pulled out his student ID and waved it around up high as if he was trying to provoke me.)

???: “So what if I am? Do you want my student ID? So you can what, take it and tattle to my profs? Seems like I really shouldn’t tell you my name.”

MC: “...”

[Observe His Student ID]

MC: (Argh, wave it again, I dare you! It’s not like I’m going to go as far as to snatch it out of your hand. Even if you’re not afraid of looking childish, I am!)

[Observe His Hair]

MC: (Look at that hairstyle. Did he fix it himself with hair wax? So he cares about his appearance…)

???: “Why aren’t you saying anything, jiejie? You keep staring at me. Are you mesmerized by my handsome smile?”

MC: (C-cough!)

(Who gave you that much confidence. So narcissistic!) 

[Observe His Clothes]

MC: (That shirt is not particularly eye-catching, but it’s definitely from a trendy brand. It looks like his family’s well off. No wonder he's so… arrogant!)

[Talk to Him]

(Look at his evil grin which screams that he wants to start something. I really want to ask what...)

MC: “You’re a student? How old are you?”

???: “Don’t get upset at me. You weren’t watching where you were going as well. If you want me to take responsibility for the accident, the most I’ll accept is splitting the blame with you. Fifty-fifty.”

MC: “...”

(How did I… get into this predicament…)

???: “Oi, what are you doing at the university anyway? Are you here to see the art exhibition?”

MC: “Yeah, I’m headed to the exhibition hall.”

???: “How interesting, you’re sightseeing yet you have no idea where the exhibition hall is? You’re walking in the opposite direction.”

MC: “Don’t try to fool me again. I’m an alumni of Stellis University, how can I not know where the exhibition hall is? Unless you’re suggesting that the building grew legs and relocated itself.”

???: “Not relocated. A new one was built last year.”

MC: “A new building?”

???: “Yup, the school’s new art museum also doubles as Stellis City’s municipal exhibition hall.”

MC: (Ah… I must have buried my head too far into work. I’ve completely stopped paying attention to the changes in the outside world.)

???: “Forget it, I’ll just take you there myself. Consider this as my half of the payment for bumping into you.”

▌Location- Exhibition Hall

(Just like that, a nameless Stellis University student took me to the newly built exhibition hall. There weren't too many people gathered by the front doors, and from afar, I think I saw someone who resembled Mo Yi.)

(Almost as if that person sensed my gaze, he turned around and waved me over. It was Mo Yi.)

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T/N: [1] New character likes to call MC 姐姐, and although it technically translates to big sister, it doesn’t quite capture the meaning, thus we will be leaving it as jiejie. In Chinese, calling someone older than you by jiejie is a form of respect, as well as acknowledgement that they’re pretty. This is one of those because I’m addressing you as an elder (to me), I respect you as an elder (respect your elders rule). In some cases, it can also be used as flattery, for instance, when you call someone of an older generation (say in their 40-50s) as jiejie, it’s saying something along the lines of “Wow, you don’t look a day over 20″. Bonus points in their book! Although it has to be used appropriately. In the earlier instance, he calls MC 小姐姐 which literally translates to small big sister, which is a paradox, but it’s just to say like oh you’re older than me (probably) but you’re small and cute. There’s really no good way to translate these things. TLDR: 姐姐 cannot be fully translated well, so we’ll be leaving it as jiejie.

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《CREDIT》 Translator: @humi-and-co​​ Editor: @cL QC: @hallowsivy​ 《未定事件簿》Tears of Themis is a 2020 Chinese otome game by 米哈游Mihoyo. All original credits go to 米哈游Mihoyo.

《 VOICE ACTORS 》 ??? | Yang Tianxiang: https://weibo.com/u/1745507755