#but also we have been so patient already
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sorry but if people are really out here complaining that we arenât getting a kitty or malec storyâŠ
like we are literally away to get a whole series of kitty together and it will be better than we ever imagined (and malec are gonna be cute & domestic in tec)
letâs just enjoy what weâre getting bc idk about yaâll but iâm so freaking chuffed :]
#donât get me wrong OF COURSE i would want a kitty story#(that would be amazing)#but also we have been so patient already#and twp is gettinf closer and closer by the minute#we will get such good content so soon#and it will make up for all the impatience#iâm just happy we are getting closer and closer to seeing them :(#itâs all gonna be okay and we can do this!!!#twp is gonna be a kitty festđ«¶đ»#letâs enjoy the ride until we get there#seasons of shadowhunters#kit x ty#magnus x alec#kitty#malec#the wicked powers#the eldest curses#twp#tec#tsc
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holy shit i just got a "jesus saves" lecture from the lab nurse. took me by surprise because i've seen her many times before and she was always very nice and only asked a few respectful questions about the whole trans situation. like geez maam i thought we were cool!!
#she ambushed me asking about my family and idk why i didnt think of lying as an option#so i said i didnt really have much contact with my family anymore#and she kept pushing for more info and then âstrongly advised me to read the bible and put my faith in jesus christ like herselfâ#and i was like maam i was raised catholic i can tell you i have read the bible.#and she IGNORED ALL CUES on PURPOSE (??) and kept telling me about how we were made just and holy by jesus dying for us#like where are we??? what's going on????#she usually is careful but fast because it's her job but like she forcefully kept me here with a needle in my arm & physically holding me#long after the blood sampler had been drawn (highly unusual!!!!) to force me to stay here and attend her jesus saves! lecture#at some point i feared she wouldnt let me go at all until i said i would go back to church lol#what is this????????#also i am pretty sure the receptionists were gossiping nastily about me in the waiting room. i may be paranoid#but they were shooting nasty glances in my direction (i was the only patient in the waiting room) and they were whispering between#themselves the whole time and one of them (who'd already been nasty to me re: trans stuff but not outwardly) glared at me#i think i caught something that sounded like âno it *is* weird and were it up to me...â while they looked at me#like once again i may be paranoid and let my inner bullied student speak but.... the combination was. weird#ive never had a problem here before! you'll tell me this is not an actual problem like nobody beat me up or anything and i'll agree ofc#but. still
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blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiĂŸ ymbe)
Telling the bees [1] [2 - Colleen English] [3 - C. W. Hagge] // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed, abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "About Suffering" [remixed, abridged], Elisa Gabbert // "Bees, Honeycombs, Honey", Hayan Charara // [Albert Camus] in "A Time of Bees", Mona Van Duyn | Len Redkoles, Steve Caplan, Bruce Bennett, Andre Ringuette, Emilee Chen
#remember when i was like 'if i was insane-' yeah i literally started this the next day. was already downloading photos. finished it in 2??#days & it has been here so patiently waiting for me to add on the tags :)))) wanted to drop it with nothing like haha lol how is everybody#however. chronic yapper. ALSO IT'S A SCREENSHOT SO I COULDN'T DO IT BUT OOOO THE URGE TO MAKE THE CITATIONS LINKSSS ONE OF JOEL AND#CLAUDE KEEPER & ONE OF JOEL SCORING FOR HONEY & ONE OF HIM IN THE FLAMES FOR DEATH BEES ARE PRODUCTION ANIMALS YOU KNOW.#len redkoles first photo credit as always. len we love you. always coming through with the narrative & fun shots!!#i swear it's on a tk post from oyb teex that was just like 'len redkoles one of us' and the answer is yes of course. ALSO before i begin#please direct all complaints to alexandra whose fault this parially is <3 bc i tweeted about the trade &she was like 'danny b learned from#the richie/carts fiasco' and i went âwell danny knows from his own trade too OH MY GOD-' and also as always the tweet that was like#they should call philly a boneyard w/the way ships go there to get wrecked. good thing they got the naval museum in philly or w/e it was#ANYWAYYYY philly city of brotherly separation actually... brief aside i do have a beautiful little joellabee real bee au w/telling the bees#which is part of where that comes from bc it's joel getting told abt everybody's trades BUT also i had poem bits i scrapped bc they couldn'#fit but they do here in the appendix so. amend it as footnote after 'whales hunted to extinction' insert there in the blessing. lindros#explosive benzene transformative mercury also i liked the shot AND I ACTUALLY GOT KEVIN & YANDLE PIC LAST BUT I LOVE IT i was going to put#cutter on the seagull stomach one but then he fit so well (thank u len) for the bitchy line of like paper plastic & it needed to be a 2-set#bc 'everything's worse' made me laugh so hard w/him. but i am so happy bc i wanted kevin in it & then 'jet fuel' (we got him from the jets)#then i had edited the line it used to be plastic but i couldn't have that twice & the article also had shrapnel so i was like. well it's#that or styrofoam & then i went OH MY GOD YANDLE'S BROKEN IRON MAN STREAK. SHRAPNEL. STOP. also not me going BOB WAS THERE??? (and jagr???#bernie parent traded then coming back & saying he was better for it bc he got to learn from one of the greats... still regarded as one of#the most upsetting trades lmao & LISTEN. TORTUROUS LUXURY DANNY B BACK CLAUDE IMMEDIATELY GONE OK IT'S BRRING IN THERE. ALL THOSE OLD IDEAS#raff let go willingly is purely for me also. he ain't dead he's just in lausanne & i still have not transcribed âdas gröĂte ist vorbeiâ &#ALSO hinting at tzjd narratives dropping it running away. jamie staying the summers in philly & being so fine & happy vs trevor. &OFC WAYNE#i've used that photo before by god i'll use it again. flyer for a day to end it there. ALSO MIKE LIKES JEFF JEFF LOVES MIKE SEND POST &if i#had more photo editing skills &thought u'd still know it was bee i'd've made him a ghost &edited him out. i have SO many alts for suffering#the philadelphia flyers suffering#joel farabee#philadelphia flyers#am i HAPPY with this idk but it needs to get out of my drafts my tummy hurts. and that's why this is 'for a swarm of angry bees' bc this#is the evil version telling the story of what could've been if morgan didn't go with him. blessed be(Ć) - bee/be thou a charm for happiness#liv in the replies
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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
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textbook case of emotional blackmail: just what you need on a Monday
#honestly just where we were heading with felv grandma for a while now#i was ready to tell her that wasn't a nice thing to say because i am NOT dealing with that shit#but her daughter already went off at her before i could say a word#the cat has a really fucked eye now but is otherwise in good condition#so we're doing our damndest to keep him alive#but grandma is afraid and overwhelmed because she just lost her other cat to leucose#so she keeps asking us to euthanise him.#and we refuse. a positive felv result alone is no reason. the eye is no reason. both of those things combined-no reason.#i'm a vet. not a killer for hire ffs.#i have explained the disease to her repeatedly. what it does. what happened with the other cat. what we can do now#everything. repeatedly. still she comes back to ask.#we offered to find a new home for the cat if she feels incapable of caring for him#âno. i'm only giving him away deadâ#then threatened to kill herself and the cat.#we found a temporary solution now but i fear this isn't over yet#also worried about a coworker because she's taking it (and the other shit that's been happening in a similar vein recently) hard#and sure we talk about this stuff and how we feel about it but idk if that's enough in the end#pet death cw#suicide cw#hello yes work is insane atm#BUT! my last patient today was a cuddly old cat so i'll be focusing on that experience instead
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#extremely discouraged#I was getting help with insurance navigator person#and she was super helpful#we finished the application and I asked if thereâs a way to see my info before I get my card#she asked if I want to see a doctor soon and Iâm like I mean yeah but Iâm waiting to start my case management#she pauses#and then tells me that the medical assistance I signed up for doesnât include case management?????????????#lol okie dokie got it#and then she tells me all these websites and organizations I can go to file a disability#and telling me about these long applications I have to fill out#girl I can barely get out of my bed do you really think Iâm able to sit down and fill out a 200 page form#seriously feel like the only option I have to actually get HELP is going to the emergency room#fun fact I almost went last night - SI thoughts were hitting me hard#but what always always stops me is the moneyâŠ. my parents are already struggling#and me not working is not helping them at all#dad sent me this full time position literally at the place Iâm going for day treatment and I was so confused#first of all I donât think theyâd let a patient work the front desk?? also how am I going to fit full time and this program in#especially when I barely can function and do basic shit (he doesnât know how bad my SI thoughts were or have been but still)#Iâm just bitching now Iâm sorry#I need to do my laundry but now I have no energy or motivation to do anything#want to lay on the couch and through on a show and just chill there the entire day#wrapping myself up in my tortilla blankie so Iâll be a sad burrito :(#shut up rosie
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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i hope all my friends who i don't talk to as much as i wish i did know they're constantly in my thoughts
#personal#i am in a constant state of agony because of how much i struggle to carry casual convos ):#bc i want to be closer to so many ppl#and i also stink at convos that aren't about specific things#and it makes it really hard to make friends bc the time it takes me to feel comfortable talking regularly is like...... long#and then i don't bother bc i feel like an ass#my heart hurts a little and I'm gonna cry from this insecurity today i can just feel it#esp cause today is the first time my best friend and i are gonna hang on vc even though we've been friends for like 7 years#and ik they don't mind bc they have similar hang ups and they love me and they're really patient with me and such#but also i feel so pathetic that i cant even regularly just call ppl to hang out#i feel like I'm a terrible person and the shittiest friend for having so many limits and boundaries and moving so slow#and the thing is i used to know how to go faster in friendships but between abuse and skill regression I'm...... terrible now#stupid asshole ex#the more i think of my struggles with interpersonal things the more i realize how much he impacted it#like i already stunk at making friends IRL by the time i met him like that's always been a thing#but i used to be so good at making friends online!!#and then he came into my life (as a friend first) and slowly isolated me from everyone for a few years before declaring that we had been-#-dating for a year (we had never officially started a relationship)#and then isolated me more and more until i literally only had him#4 years total with him in my life.#4 years that were crucial to my personhood (17-21)#4 years that by the time i finally managed to get him out of my life i had severely blunted social skills & more trauma than I already had#and now that I'm almost 4 years out from him being in my life (next spring) im realizing just how much he fucked me up#and took advantage of me and exacerbated issues he knew i had (bc i confided in him- he was my friend at first after all)#and even with a lot of work i still have the social skills of a severely abused reactive dog in a shelter#i should talk with my therapist more about this#i still haven't even fully shared my story with her about how he treated me bc every time i start i get so scared and upset i just sob#ugh):
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literally being in therapy and my therapist asking/saying Pls we Need . to test for [X] disorder and im like??? LOL nope we dont bc i already gave myself the ocular patdown i do NOT have that disorder thank you though . i would know for sure bc i would remember experiencing something like that . and she was like straight up . hey. you know the number one criteria is like being unaware . of it. there. and i was like . ????? um??? no bc i would definitely Know if that happened to me and she was just like . bro the . you dont know thats the kicker and
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anyways felt like this goodnight
#cas.txt#we went ten mins past ohr normal sessions which NEVER ever ever ever happens#even tho im her last patient of the day i am rlly on top of Not Extending#and like#ive been her patient for longer+consistently than . well.#any other therapist ive had#and she actually respects me and my symptoms and issues#Nd it was soo insane actually being respected to the point#where SHE Fully suggested this. not me!!!#re: i had already said i do NOT have this disorder in my brain so i def wasnt gonna bring it up in session i have other stuff to talk abt#and then she was like oh shit youre describing [X] real hardcore#anyyyways. umm#what else was i gonna . say#oh also yeah we r gonna try to shoot for two hour sessions#and i have one inbetween my next session so#all new stuff and i need it actually LOL
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When I came out, I was SO scared I was gonna get disowned. I wrote a letter to my parents, sent it to their emails, put a physical copy on the counter, and left the house for a few hours to give them time. In that time I tried coffee for the first time, which was a dreadful idea, and got all jittery. I kept waiting for a text or something but nothing happened.
After a few hours, I didnât hear back from them so I went home. My parents were home and had stacked a bunch of groceries on top of the letter without opening it. They said âhiâ and I said âhiâ and went down stairs to the basement. I held my dog and panicked about what to do. My sister, who knew that I had written them a letter of great importance, told me they hadnât read it yet. She also told me she could ask them to do so. I consented to this and stayed in the basement. A few minutes later my dad knocked on the door and poked his soft smooth little nerd head in and said âhey buddyâ and I started crying so hard I almost vomited. He came over and gave me a BIG hug and said that it was gonna be OK, he was OK with this, he knew it must have been hard but he was here for me. He told me he and my mom had already talked years before they had me about how if they had to pick between their faith and their child theyâd pick their child. It was a very sweet moment. I came out to my mom later that evening and we were both bawling the whole time.
The day after I came out to my parents, I came out to my brother @inbabylontheywept at a Mexican restaurant and he took it like a champ. That evening my mom took me for a walk and looked almost angry - she said she wanted to make sure that I didnât use being a woman as an excuse to not go to grad school. I told her I wouldnât and she instantly looked relieved and happier.
My dad, on the other hand, seemed to struggle with it. He kept asking me if I had a boyfriend, and I told him I did not. He kept asking me if I wanted to go clothes shopping with him and I did not. He kept asking me if I would let him go to some of my shows, and I had NO idea what he was talking about.
Finally, 6 months after coming out, of awkward misgendering and questions that didnât make sense from my dad, he excitedly pokes his soft smooth little nerd head into my bedroom again and says âI found a movie about Your People.â My people. I was absolutely bewildered, but he was so excited and I knew he had been trying SO hard so I watched it with him. It was The Birdcage, and it was amazing. It also was revelatory in that I finally realized why my initially-supportive father seemed to be having such a hard time with my pronouns and stuff - he didnât know what the difference between trans and doing drag was. After the movie he again asked if I would invite him to one of my shows, and I said, âHey dad, you know how about half the world is women?â And he said âyeah,â and I said âWell, see, Iâm on that half now. Iâm not doing drag.â And it was like a switch flipped in his brain. He was like âomg thatâs so easy? I was so confused about what to call you when?â
Anyway, my parents are charming and my family has been so kind and patient with me, I like sharing the stories of my little wins with them.
#tgirl swag#mormon#ex mormon#exmormon#worm#gay#tgirl#trans humor#transfem#trans pride#trans stuff#transgender#transgirl#sillyposting#silly little guy#dad#stories#family#short story#story
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The healthcare strike in Portland, Oregon is in its third week with no clear end in sight. Front-line caregivers with the Providence Healthcare System negotiating union contracts at multiple hospitals that would improve employee working conditions and protect legally-mandated nurse:patient ratios so nurses don't get assigned an unmanageable and unsafe number of patients per shift. There's been some progress with negotiations, and the governor of the state is putting pressure on both sides to end the strike soon, but Providence continues to hold out on key issues.
As a float pool nurse, every shift I go to whatever floor is understaffed. In nearly every unit I've been to, there have been patients who still be in the ICU, getting one to one care. But because we don't have enough critical care staff, we transfer them to lower levels of care so that even sicker patients can get beds. This is not safe for patients or staff. And it's not just medical safety. It takes time to talk out a problem instead of calling security, or to help someone with severe mobility issues go to the bathroom, or to sit with someone crying. The kind of care that makes you feel like a person, not just a patient, takes time. The more patients I have per shift, the less time I have for each of them.
A strike is our strongest negotiating tactic. And as long as we're on strike, we're not getting paid. The longer you don't get paid, the harder it is to not cross the picket line. We're already out two paychecks so far. A lot of people cannot afford to lose that much income. As the primary income earner for our household: GOD I would love to make money again. That is what Providence is banking on. They're losing a TON of money during this strike, but they've got deeper pockets than their workers. They are betting that they can survive the strike longer than the union can.
You can support the strike by donating to the Oregon Nurses Association's hardship fund which provides money to caregivers so they don't have to scab. (I'll put a link in a reblog I'll make right after posting this.) There's also a public petition you can sign that I'll also link. And if you're in the Portland area, we've got picket lines at like nine different places at any given point. Even just awareness is helpful. Providence wants people to be angry at the striking healthcare workers, not them.
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I'm so excited for this collab I may explode. The trailer also confirmed Archer (with his original va) will be there which is so so soooo great.
#love that they paid pako to draw this for us. frankly they may well have done it for me specifically. i'm so happy#my favourite illustrator drawing for a collab between my favourite games? thank you. i have been blessed.#anyway back to the point. the wait for the collab may end me. i need to know if we're getting playable units or what#and who are we getting? everyones like obviously Rin it's her route and i'm like... nooo don't#i like Rin! a lot! thanks to Ishtar she's grown on me! but like Archer is confirmed and Saber is a MUST#and i feel like that only leaves one empty spot (i just think 3 is the right number) and I want Gil SO bad.#i'd also prefer just servants instead of masters. i suppose they could combine servants and masters together like Topaz and Numby??#yeargh. i simply must be patient but it's hard...#my plan was to basically forget about it til we get closer but they keep reminding me... girl i'm already hype i cant take much more#post: misc#game: honkai sr
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i have introduced shrimps. i have done my urgent housestuff. i have registered for college classes. i just need shiT TO STOP HAPPENING SO I CAN SHOW OFF MY LIL GUYS!! MY GUYS!!!!!!!!
#need to relocate seedsguy as the blue sage (salvia azurea) has been planted at this point#the others are patiently waiting for the aquarium plants to get degunked#yes just the plants. the back glass is algae-y to feed my inverts#also i have to degunk more often because we had to remove the door curtain (keke crimes) and now sunlight comes in to grow the algae#also-also my landlady wants us to move all this shitty ass naily cedar paneling out of the attic#argh. i just want to see my guys in their new habitat with my other guys (eukaryotic) that already live there#sorry for ranting it's just that shit keeps happening#i got bitten at work today and tonight i had to call the police for a lady running into traffic from domestic violence#i am. stressed. got a followup call and she's safe for the night but like hhhh i wish that things would not be so happening all the time#turns into slutch#what tha hell my text post tag
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- xavier x reader
a new friendly colleague has joined your team, but your boyfriend is convinced he is up to no good... and that's why xavier is determined to show it that you are his
genre/warnings: 18+ suggestive contentâminors do not interact!âjealousy, fluff explicit smut: slightly rough sex, fingering, doggy style, based on xavier's card misty silhouette
note: skxmskcjsf bye don't look at me. this fanart and xavier's card messed me up :') this banner is so unhealthy for me i swear </3
Xavier knew he wasnât the most patient person.
But even patience, he thought, has limits. And he had been patient and reasonable for a week, to be precise.
It all started ever since that damned new recruit entered his team. He didn't know why, but he kept coming to you for everythingâdirections, advice, even trivial nonsense like lunch recommendations. It was almost as if on purpose.
This afternoon was no different. Xavier had been looking forward to having lunch with youâjust the two of you. Youâd promised him, after all.
And yetâ
âThere was this one time I got trapped inside the N109 Zoneââ
âN109 Zone!?â
âYes!â
âReally?! What did you do then?â
âHmm, so at first, I was in total panic, but thenââ
For the past 15 minutes, your lunch break had been taken over by recounting your tales of valor as a hunter to the new recruit. Nearby, Xavier sat in brooding silence, scathingly sparing him a glance. The slight frown on his face said it allâblatant disinterest and a touch of irritation.
And you too... why are you engaging him so enthusiastically?
Then again, given his age, Xavier knew he had to be mature about this. He tried, really. If it had been someone like Jeremiah, he might have let it slide.
But there was just something about this new recruitâSean, was it?âthat rubbed him the wrong way.
âWhoa, you're so cool, Miss Y/N!â Sean exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with admiration. âNot only are you pretty and talented, but you're also incredibly skilled! What do you even lack, eh?â
âReally, it's not that much,â you giggled, brushing him off. The way you got sheepish only made Xavierâs annoyance flare even further.
âLet me guessâ a boyfriend!â
So thatâs what it was. Now Xavier understood what about Sean that set him off. The entire time youâd been talking, he had been giving you those googly eyes.
He didn't like it one bit. He looked ridiculous while doing it.
Despite being silent as a mouse all the way, before he could stop himself, he blurted, âShe has a boyfriend already.â
You turned to him in surprise, clearly not expecting him to announce it so bluntly.
âOh...? Xavier, you know who her boyfriend is...?â Sean turned to him with curiosity.
He noticed it. How his expression fell ever so slightly upon he told him that you were already taken. Xavier huffed and stuffed his mouth with his ramen.
âYeah. Her boyfriend lives next door.â
Technically, he lived upstairs, but the detail didnât matter. He just needed to make his point known.
And somehow, for the rest of the day, the new recruit finally seemed to develop some senseâat least enough to stop hovering around you so frequently. Particularly when Xavier was nearby.
âXavier... why did you tell him that?â
You fell into step beside your quiet boyfriend as the two of you headed home that evening, tilting your head as you replayed the events of the afternoon.
Xavier gave you a brief glance before looking straight ahead again, ignoring your question.
You observed him. There it was againâthat gray cloud hovering over him. It always seemed to appear when he was in a bad mood.
Puckering your lips, you pressed further. âWe havenât even told anybody else about our relationship... And what you did thereâyouâre literally telling him weâre dating.â
âSo what?â he shot back, his tone sharper than usual. âAre you afraid people might find out we are? Orââ
Xavier abruptly stopped in his tracks, turning to face you. His usually vibrant blue eyes darkened, piercing into yours with a sharp gleam. âAre you afraid he will find out?â
There was something in his gaze that held you captiveâthat made your silly heart skip a beat.
âN-no...â you looked away, swallowing the heat that were about to take over your face. Why does Xavier look kind of... hot like that...?
Your cheeks warmed regardless, but you had to appease him. âLike I told you before, I just thought itâd be easier if this stays our little secret. Itâs less of a bother if they donât knowâŠâ
Reaching for his hand, you gave it a reassuring squeeze and flashed him a soft smile. âBesides, why would I be afraid if he knows? My boyfriend is cool, handsome, and the best hunter there is.â
You watched as Xavier's expression softened, the tension melting away. A faint blush crept up his cheeks too, and the gray cloud that had loomed over him finally disappeared. He squeezed your hand in return, looking away as if to hide the way he got bashful.
Adorable. For all his brooding, your boyfriend was surprisingly easy to soothe.
For the rest of the walk back to your apartment, you two remained hand-in-hand, the tension of the afternoon slipping away with each step.
. . .
You were staying over at Xavier's place tonight. After a relaxing bath and a hearty dinner, the two of you found yourselves standing side by side in the kitchen, doing the dishes together.
It was mundane things like this that Xavier considered his favorite routine to do with you. Just as you handed him the last plate to dry, you spoke up, your voice breaking the quiet hum of contentmentâ
âXavier, can I ask you something?â
âHmm?â
âI was just thinking... Sean seems nice and friendly, but from what Iâve seen, you seem kind of... unwelcomingâ almost hostile even towards him.â
At your words, a frown etched itself onto Xavierâs forehead as he turned to face you fully. You seemed so oblivious, standing there with a look of genuine curiosity.
âDo you really not know?â he questioned you incredulously.
You blinked. âKnow what?â
Damn it. Xavier sighed and put down the dish he was holding, but the words faltered on his tongue as a sour expression crossed his face. âNo matter,â he muttered under his breath.
He took a deliberate step closer, his movements slow and heavy, and you instinctively backed awayâ
âSo,â he said, his voice low, his blue eyes boring into yours as he took one hot step forward after another, âwhile Sean is nice and friendly, Iâm hostile and unwelcoming, huh?â
âonly to find yourself pressed against the window, unable to retreat further.
He stood in front of you now, his arms caging you in, creating a barrier that sealed off any chance of escape.
Uh-oh. Apparently, you had flipped that switchâ
The air between you grew thick, and you could feel your pulse quicken under the weight of his gaze. âThatâs not what I'm getting atââ
âHeâs been eyeing you all day, following you around... getting lunches with youââ
In that moment, your phone erupted to life, its ringtone cutting through the tension. It sat on the small table near the windowsill, and Xavier gave it a quick glance, his expression darkening upon seeing Sean's name flash on the screen.
âOh?â His voice dropped lower, a dangerous glint flickering in his eyes. âHeâs now calling you at nights too?â
âNo!â you quickly refuted, your words tumbling out almost too fast. âXavier, donât get the wrong ideaââ
He tilted your jaw to face him, holding your spooked gaze. âThen what idea am I supposed to be getting when heâs so blatantly pursuing you and you don't even do anything about it?â
The plot twist is... you know. Of course you knew it when a guy was trying to make a move on you, you just pretended not to notice it because it was easier that way. You didnât know which devil had planted this rotten idea in your head that made you want to push Xavier to the edge, just to see how he'd react when he held nothing backâ
The call tonight was a coincidence though, but definitely fueled your lover's ire even more. It was a dangerous game, but now that youâd crossed this line, you couldn't go back any longer.
Your lips curled into a bewitching smile then, and your boyfriend was almost mystified. "So, what will you do to me?"
Xavier looked at you with slightly widened eyes, not expecting your boldness at all. But then he grimaced, as at the same time, the irritation in his veins suddenly flared upâ
With a swift, fluid motion, he turned you that you faced the window, his right arm wrapping around your waist from behind as he pressed his body against yoursâhis hardness pressing, almost poking you.
âYouâre so clueless,â he growled into your ear before going after your neck, sucking hard and fast. His hips began to grind against you, pressing harder with each movement. âToo damn clueless...!â
His fingers that gripped your belly moved then, slipping inside your frisky nightgown to finger youâ and you lost all your wits in that instant. âAh-hâ!â
Two of his fingers pumped in and out of you, dragging them almost rashly, and it took everything in you to stay upright. "X-Xavier!"
âMmph,â he breathed against the skin of your neck, his other arm pressing you against him tighter, simultaneously squeezing your breasts. "You asked for it."
Your thighs were trembling in no time, and your breaths came in shaky moans. Your boyfriend was not exactly gentle, but this is probably the first time in a while that he was being rough without reservations. While you wanted to protest, it felt too goodâ
He turned your face towards him then, crashing his lips on yours.
It almost felt like you were punished, but you couldn't do anything about it. The tension in your lower belly was steadily building, ready to snap at any moment, and the way his fingers relentlessly hitting that one unforgivable spot was starting to made you dizzy.
"Ahângh!" You finally shuddered when you reached your climax. It was freeing when you felt yourself burst on his fingers, the release smearing your thighs.
And right then your knees buckledâ
But Xavier immediately got a secure hold over you, lifting your body effortlessly into his arms, one hand supporting your knees, the other cradling your back. Through your teary eyes, you met his gaze once more. His expression was unreadable, a dark haze of disapproval clouding his features.
âIâm not done yet.â
He brought you over to his bed, gently lying you down despite the roughness of his voice. He parted your legs, getting himself between themâ
Ring! Ring!
The shrill sound of your phone pierced the coolness of the room, and you almost jolted.
But your lover... the sound was like a spell to him, only intensifying his irritation as his features twisted with frustration, and you knew that he was about to take it on you.
As if changing his mind, Xavier suddenly flipped you over that you laid on your stomach and straddled you from behind. He quickly turned your head to face him and claimed your lips in a deep, urgent kiss.
âMm, hmmpâ!â The ringtone of your phone blared in the background, a jarring sound that wasn't pleasant at the slightest. It wasnât until it finally stopped that he pulled away from the kiss.
You were gasping for breath, your chest heaving, and a stray tear slipped from your eyes. Xavier stared at you, and gently wiped it away with his thumb.
Flushed, sweaty, tearful... you looked so enchanting in his eyes in that moment. He almost felt bad that he had manhandled you this roughly.
Almost.
His hands gripped your waist, and he paused, his gaze locked with yours, silently seeking your approvalâ or more like, commanding you to give it to him.
In response, you arched your backâ a silent affirmation, bracing yourself.
From then on, he was no longer holding back. He tugged your panties down and let his throbbing member out of his pants. It was laughable how insatiable he wasâ both of you were still clothed, save for his unbuttoned shirt, but he was already this aroused and hard.
He nudged forward, his tip breaching your entrance. The feeling of that familiar stretch left you keeling, babbles and whimpers falling from your lips as he slowly eased into you.
It was hard to take him in fully, and you were a mess of breathy gasps the moment you did. But you were in for the main ride when he started ramming into you, pushing in and out of you in a merciless pace.
"Ah... Xavier!" you panted between thrusts, feeling how it started to be too much for you the more he went on. "Ahh, hrah!"
Behind you, Xavier groaned in reply, his lips sucking your shoulder as his hips quickened, striving to bring you to the peak faster. One of his large hands dug into the skin of your stomach, urging your back to arch more, while the other clasped yours, fingers entwined in the sheets.
He watched intently as your face twisted and contorted in ecstasy, a surge of pride swelling within him, greater than he thought possible.
It was mind-blowing, slightly forceful, and your senses were all heightened. The harsh pace drew cries from your lips, your tears falling to the sheets, yet the pleasure also catapulted you into the starsâ
The sinful delight of having him so deep within you.
The sinful rapture of being thrusted over and over.
âAhhh!â And then, all at once, it was as if heaven and hell collided in a cataclysmic burst. Everything inside you shattered as you cried outâa scream morphing into a high-pitched gaspâas the two of you reached the climax together. Your body trembled uncontrollably, your walls clasped around him impossibly tight as Xavier filled you with everything that he had in one shot.
You collapsed against the sheets like a ragdoll, the pressure finally easing from your sore spine.
âHello? Yes, itâs Xavier...â
The morning after. You stirred awake, your mind still foggy with sleep, as muffled voices filtered in from outside the bedroom.
âI have to take an urgent leave today...â
You were still utterly drained, your body heavy and unwilling to move. Instinctively, your hand reached out to your side, searching for your lover, but the spot was empty.
âYes. Y/N too. She isnât well today... We will be back tomorrow...â
You let out a soft, tired whine, your voice plaintive, as you lay sprawled across the bed, wishing for his warmth to return. Honestly, everything was still sore, and you were this close to tears again.
The door then opened with a creak not long after, and you let out a whimper, squeezing your eyes shut.
âAre you awake...?â Xavier's voice was soft, almost hesitant, as he stepped closer to the bed.
You blinked up at him, your vision still blurry. He was already dressed, his crisp appearance in stark contrast to your disheveled state. In his hand, he held a small plastic bag.
âWhatâs that...?â you mumbled, your voice hoarse as you struggled to prop yourself up, curiosity flickering through your tired gaze.
âDonât get up too quickly,â Xavier murmured, his hands steady as he caught you mid-movement. He guided you back down and tucked the blankets snugly around you, his touch gentle yet firm. âJust rest for now.â
A low hum of contentment escaped you as you leaned into his touch. Your bleary eyes focused solely on him, and despite himself, Xavier found a smile tugging at his lips.
âI just went to the drugstore downstairs to get you some painkillers,â he explained, lifting the small plastic bag slightly. âTake them after youâve had some breakfast later.â
He then fixed you a bashful grimace, looking down. âSorry for... uh, last night... I think Iâve pushed you too far.â
His fingers reached out, brushing gently against your cheek. The same fingers that had driven you to the brink of madness the night before now so tender against your skin. âYou were crying,â he murmured, guilt lacing his voice. âI feel bad.â
âMm-hm, so thatâs what happens when you donât hold back at all,â you snickered softly, the corners of your mouth curving despite the lingering ache in your body.
Xavier shifted his gaze away, his confidence faltering. âWill you... hate me for it?â
It was hard to contain your smile from breaking out into a grin. Your boyfriend, a ferocious wolf in a sheepâs clothing, had no need for this shy charade when he had railed you that hard last night.
âNo, but youâre going to have to make it up to me. I canât even walk now.â
Xavier blinked before he patted your head. âYeah, Iâll fulfill any of your wishes,â he sighed in relief, a hint of amusement creeping into his voice. âSo, what is it?â
You paused for a moment, then with a mischievous glint in your eye, you said, âTake me to the bathroom? I want to have a shower first.â
And, of course, he obliged. With a effortless motion, Xavier scooped you up into a princess carry, holding you close. His arms cradled you with care, and you rested against his chest, the warmth of his embrace offering a sense of security.
Just like that, you spent the rest of the day as lovers, sleeping in with careless abandon, unburdened by your duties.
Epilogue
Later in the afternoon, you were once again deep in a sleep as Xavier cuddled you close, when suddenly the doorbell of his apartment rang incessantly.
Frowning, Xavier carefully eased himself out of bed, making sure not to disturb your slumber. He moved quietly towards the door, and when he saw the intercom, his frown worsened.
Sean, the newbie, was at his doorstep. He had half a mind to ignore him, but after a beat, he decided to open the door.
âWhat do you want?â his voice sharp with annoyance.
âOh, Xavier!â The guy was stunned for a moment as his eyes lingered on Xavierâs chiseled abs, exposed through the his unbuttoned shirt. âO-oh, so... Iâve been trying to ring the doorbell to Y/N's apartment to give her a fruit basket to wish her a fast recovery, but sheâs not answeringââ he hastily explained, gesturing toward the basket in his hand. âCan you reach herâ?â
Xavier felt like popping a vein at how meddlesome this guy was. Was this guy an idiot? Didnât he realize by now that he was your next-door boyfriend?
Nevermind. The hard way it is.
âSheâs with me.â
âH-huh?â
He shot him a pointed look. âDon't think youâll have a chance with her, newbie.â
And with that, he shut the door in his face.
#xavier x reader#lads xavier x reader#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace#l&ds x reader#lads x reader#love and deepspace x you#lads x you#l&ds x you#lads smut#lads fluff#xavier x you#xavier fluff#xavier smut#lads xavier#xavier l&ds#xavier x mc#xavier love and deepspace#love and deepspace smut#l&ds xavier#l&ds smut#love and deepspace fic
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Hey, I saw your tags on the one post about abuse, and I wanted to reach out and say that I also struggled a lot and hurt a lot of people during a very low part of my life - and Iâm proud of you, and of me, for doing our best to change â€ïžđ« I hope recovery for you is going well, brother, and that you have a great day/night. đ«¶
aw thank you !! đ„ș same to you, homie. i hope everything's going well, & i'm proud of you for doing your best, too <3 đ«
it's been hard, especially since i lost my most recent job a year or two ago at this point, which has kind of put my brain into an isolative bubble. but i'm definitely still trying to be my best possible self.
#ask#ive been keeping myself out of social spaces for a long time to avoid relapsing. but i don't think my isolation is doing me too many favors.#so i'm trying to open up again. and that's been hard. but i'm doing my best#i've been doing better about catching my shitty behavior and i'm slowly getting used to like. going back on the shit i say#and apologizing for it. because i know it's shitty. and it feels shitty for me to backpedal.#especially when i try so hard not to say shit i don't mean lmao- i go so far as to make a point in speaking in definitives đ„Ž#because at the end of the day. i Don't know everything. and for me to confidently say that i know something only to be proven incorrect#damages my pride ig lmao- & i have my mom 2 thank 4 that mindset đ„Ž tho that's no excuse for me to stay shitty.#i don't Want to be too proud to admit my faults. & i'm creeping and crawling away from that attitude.#it's been easier since my mom's been doing the same; she's trying her best to do better. and i can tell that she's trying.#she's more patient with my snippiness than she used to be. and that's been a big help.#we're all doing the best we can. especially with the resources we have; some are better off than others.#but we're all still trying our best to not be shitty.#(unrelated but on the note of not speaking in definitives. one lady was asking if i could add a gift card to her already-in-progress order-)#(& i said 'im not sure if i can do that' & so i asked my manager & she also said đ€·ââïž. & when she came up & asked the customer what was up)#(the customer said ''ur cashier (me) said i couldn't add this to my order when other people have done it for me'')#(& i said '...thats not what i said.' & she said 'yes it was. u said i couldn't do this' & my manager was like 'w/e we'll do it this way')#(& i had 2 stop myself from doubling down & telling the customer that i make a point not to speak in definitives-)#(-therefore i Know for a Fact that i said ''i'm not sure.'' lmao. of all the things i was sure of in that transaction. that was it. lol)
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Help Falstin's family survive and escape genocide in Gaza and win hand-made Palestinian thob!
What can you win?
A Palestinian thob made by Palestinian hands, tailored for you. Thobes are traditional dresses worn in Palestine and are embroidered with tatreez patterns of various colors (usually mainly red) on black cloth - you can see the example in the poster.
Who will you help?
24 people trapped in Gaza who desperately need funds for their survival and evacuation. Falastin's family already has a lot of martyrs and they were displaced more than 20 times leaving them with very little possessions. It has been extremely hard for them to meet their basic needs, and they need all the help they can get to purchase food, water and medicine (which are incredibly expensive as there is very little aid entering Gaza) as well as shelter, fuel and clothing as it's getting cold.
Gofundme donation link
PayPal donation link
Please fill out this form after donating: https://forms.gle/1JPkqoab55bxC3iS8
More detailed info under the cut:
We accept both PayPal and Gofundme donations: 50 USD for one PayPal entry; 500 SEK for one Gofundme entry (500 SEK is around 47 USD so it's a slight discount!)
Only donations done after the raffle start (October 19th, since making this post) will count for entries. Additionally, every three weeks starting from today, one winner will be chosen and all entries for that period will be reset. The winner will be given 48 hours to respond and if they do not then we will choose another one from that time period.
Dates for raffle resets:
1) 9th of November - first winner 2) 30th of November - second winner 3) 21st of December - third winner
The winner announcement will be done on those Saturdays at 15:00 (3 PM) GMT (that's 10 AM EST).
Right now we are a little over 12k USD (counting both PayPal and Gofundme) but most of it came in the last several weeks. So we aim to get another 12k USD/126k SEK (again both PayPal and Gofundme) by the end of the first raffle round.
You can enter as many times as you want and can stack entries over time (so one 2000 SEK donation will be 4 entries, or two donations 75 USD and 25 USD will count as 2 entries). Because there will be 3 rotations, if your donations fall short of the minimum donation in the first/second rounds, you can still qualify for the next until your total exceeds the entry cost. For example, if you donated 40 USD in the first rotation you will not enter the first raffle round but can still enter second one if you donate another 10 USD. Another example: if you donated 120 USD in the first time period you can donate another 30 in the next one for one entry. You can enter second or third time even if you won previously.
After you have made the donation(s) required for at least one entry you need to fill out the form: [link]. You will be asked to provide a proof of your donation, your email address (or discord handle) and (optionally) Tumblr/Instagram username. An email address or Discord is required for contact purposes, as there is a possibility that either me of Falastin could be restricted or suspended on Tumblr, but we will contact you on your preferred platform if we can.
One thob will roughly take 3 weeks to complete so please be patient - you will be contacted by your preferred method for any questions after you won and when the shipment starts.
Shipment is covered for Europe, but if you are living outside of that region you will need to cover the shipment cost yourself.
You also need to be comfortable with sharing following info with us privately if if you win the raffle:
address and name for the shipment;
your measures or general size (S, M, L, etc) for tailoring.
You can ask any questions me here on Tumblr or send an email to [email protected].
Vetting info: #282 in El-Shab-Hussein and Nabulsi's spreadsheet [here], #957 in the Butterfly Project spreadsheet [here] Falastin's account: [link]
Donation links again:
GOFUNDME:
PAYPAL:
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