#but also just assess as things go
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Hi Sammy…I get really good and comforting vibes from you so even tho we don’t know each other, so I feel like I really would love to hear your advice on this🥺 I moved across the world recently and found an internship and I’m crushing so SO badly on one of my colleagues. He’s kind of my superior in the sense that he has a higher position in the firm but he’s only a few years older than me and isn’t my boss. At first I was extremely intimidated by him and never spoke but as weeks passed by we got more comfortable around each other and he’s actually so helpful and nice to me. My other colleague told me that he usually always works solo and is very introverted and doesn’t like to help or be bothered but I feel like he’s the opposite with me? He includes me in stuff he does and isn’t cold at all when I ask for help, in fact he often asks me if everything is ok. When we’re out for drinks with my other colleagues I also felt like he was lowkey flirting but in a soft manner? As in teasing me? Also, I’m home for the holidays now but before I left he told me he would get me on board his work once I get back so that I could be more involved and I know he doesn’t do this normally. He also tries his best to include me in the firm’s activities and remembers basically everything I tell him. I was so happy with the way everything was evolving but my boy best friend told me that he’s only like this because he wants to sleep with me and that I should give up this crush immediately because there’s no positive outcome to this situation since we’re colleagues and nothing can ever happen between us. And that made me feel really sad and shitty about myself, like it’s impossible for a guy to just like me? I feel like girls know when a guy just wants to sleep with us and that’s not the vibe I’m getting from him, I feel like he genuinely wants to help me evolve and is genuinely nice to me. So I wanted to ask, what would you advise me to do? Do I just give up since it’s anyways doomed like my friend said or do I let it evolve naturally all while subtly letting him know that I like him? What is your opinion on relationships within a working environment? I just don’t know what to do because I haven’t felt this way towards someone in a long LONG time and I know I am going to spend more time with him once I get back because we’re gonna work together more often…Sammy help me please😔
AWH BUBS PLEASEE THIS IS SO CUTE THANK YOU!! Ofc I can give you some advice babes, but just remember that I could also be wrong so take this advice however you like! Tbh I'm not getting a vibe that your colleague just wants to sleep with you either. There's surely a certain behaviour men exhibit when they simply want to sleep with you (leering, sleazy comments, blatant flirting, constantly asking you out/pursing you even if you're hesitant), and I'm totally not getting it from this guy, I think he honestly likes you because yes!! ofc a guy can like you!! But then again some men do use the method of first befriending you, making you feel comfortable, and then kinda just using you :/ unfortunately it's happened to me so you can never truly be safe. But personally, I think you should just assess how he interacts with you, you know? Detect the genuineness in his words and actions. If he genuinely cares about you and tries to make you a better person in the workplace and overall is just a kind person, I think you can honestly judge when things like that come from a man's heart.
As for pursuing someone in the workplace, unless there's a policy against dating then I don't think you guys are doomed!! I'm unsure why your guy best friend said that, but I've dated a co-worker before and it was totally fine. I think the only harm that comes from dating a co-worker is that if your relationship ends badly then that can really impact the environment of your workplace and may backfire on your own mental health (cough cough what happened to me, my relationship ended badly and seeing my ex at work just made me feel meh). In that situation only either of you leaving the workplace or switching departments would put you at ease (for example, I quit but my ex still works there). So generally people avoid dating co-workers for that reason, but if you vibe with someone and feel a genuine connection, I'd say it's worth the risk!
#you're so cute anon#i'm getting a nice vibe from this guys so definitely try!#but also just assess as things go#i hope things work out well 🥺#anon#sammy's inbox
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adrien in my outfit from a few days ago✨ feat. my claws out converse
bonus:
#ml#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#my art#adrien agreste#chat noir#marinette dupain cheng#YAAAAY I DREW A PICTURE OF ADRIEN AGRESTE#and i haven’t even finished my homework for tomorrow. wow it feels good to be back#my claws out converse are very real and special to me.#also while i was drawing this i was just realizing that this outfit was not THAT weird of a thing for adrien to wear#and it made me wonder if i need to assess some things about how i choose my wardrobe#adrien and marinette are going to an art festival in these outfits because that is where i went in mine#anyway peace and love<3 this was so fun to draw i need to actually draw again
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I do not think I'll ever get over how heavy handed the Inflates set decor was
#why was there a dick shaped blanket covered in nuts.#whys that a literal thing they did#like hey what if we put a giant penis at the foot of the bed#their assess giggling on that bed so bad#couldnt even get a straight take of it#iasip#ma-#is this even macdennis like#i mean it is but its just. sunny#one and the same really#sunny 16#the gang inflates#clawing at the fucking couch#FROM BEHIND.#*** rcg#and yes i ordered the pics this way so it looks like the dick is going into dennis' face#we like to have fun here#also it weirdly makes it very very obviously a dick when you put a face next to it LOL
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girl who loves analyzing fighting styles and characters power levels vs mob psycho 100, an anime which doesn’t focus on the mechanics of its power system at all
#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ASSESS RELATIVE POWER DIFFERENCES UNDER THESE CONDITIONS#i understand and appreciate the narrative reasoning for not going into detail about psychic powers#(including things like in universe classifications)#and because of the pacing and purpose of the story you know the protagonists will win#but it’s like. what abt ‘natural’ espers#bc the awakening lab group are all ’naturals’ as in ‘not artificial espers’#but their powers (other than clairvoyance girl’s) are all significantly weak#which makes me think it’s a baseline- most espers (natural or artificial) likely have that power level- and so never discover any powers#there’s also the specialties to deal with- most espers we see are limited in the scope of their powers and only really do 1 or 2 things#which is a rule we see all the way up in claw’s super 5#main exceptions seem to be mob teru and serizawa (ritsu does NOT count here- we only really see him doing telekinesis and barriers afaik)#(and besides. ritsu doesn’t seem to be able to be strong enough to lift himself firmly cementing him as weakest non-reigen protag)#(also not counting toichiro here- it looks to me like he just has a LOT of raw power and a Lot of specialties)#sorry. my demons#mp100
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I know I haven't said much about it, but legitimately, "running away" was one of the most pivotal life decisions I've ever made. Probably THE first major life decision I've made, and also the best. If you have an opportunity to go, leave. Get out of there. If you are not safe at home, emotionally, physically, whatever, and you're able to leave, do it. It's going to suck such major ass for a while because you're going to have to deal with the scars they've left on you, but I wholeheartedly, full-throatedly, with-my-chest promise you that it is going to be better. You're going to be better. If you have the privilege of being able to escape, no matter how difficult it feels, then RUN.
#whatever you leave behind is not your responsibility. sometimes you're gonna have a fucked relationship with the siblings you 'abandoned'#but they have to understand that you had to leave. and that you were actively fighting to take them with you the entire time#it's okay to be selfish. you need to be selfish to start to recover.#if you have to be homeless please look up and do your research on local resources first. plan things out.#i was lucky enough to have family who'd been waiting years and years for this moment to happen#if you can go and have your college dorm as a safe haven then absolutely take that chance#if you can go and rent an apartment with the money from your job then take that chance#plan shit. do it. even if your brain fights you. you do not want to be out there without proper precautions or else you could end up-#-seriously fucked over.#also i know i'm encouraging people to get out but in equal measure:#if it isn't safe to leave you are not lesser for staying.#if it's winter and you can't be out there alone you are not complicit in your own abuse yk?#if you have family you CANNOT leave behind like extremely young siblings then you are not at fault for staying.#i was lucky enough to be able to leave quickly and (relatively) painlessly and i'm aware that not everybody can do that#sometimes staying IS the better choice. but that's a choice YOU have to make not me#assess your situation properly. are you staying for your own safety or because you're scared?#etc etc. obviously take all of this with a grain of salt i don't have all the life experience in the world just what little i have#also: prepaid phones are a godsend. MRIs. canned food. make sure to have first aid kits if needed. plan ahead. have a stash somewhere safe#rox rumblings#me things
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just took an adhd assessment and... i honestly dont see how this will be sufficient for giving me a diagnosis? i just had to take two tests, one where i had to hit the space bar when hearing a high pitch after a low pitch (as opposed to after *just* hearing the high pitch), and one where a bunch of letters flashed on the screen and i had to hit the space bar when any of them except for x popped up and like... i don't see how this has anything to do with any of the issues i actually experience in my life due to my probable adhd???? like ok i guess it has something to do with focus? which is a part of the whole adhd thing but not all of it? i did take a (very brief) adhd questionnaire as one of my intake forms before seeing this psych for the first time but that wasn't part of the assessment itself but even that (which was only like. 15 questions? maybe?) seemed like it had more to do with how i experience adhd
#idk man im not a psychiatrist or neurologist or whatever so maybe this is super evidence-based and works really well#though a quick google of what adult adhd assessments are supposed to be like seems to suggest that theyre usually way more involved#and even if the tests i did are a part of it theres usually a lot more bits#such as like. idk a LONGER self-assessment questionnaire where you can actually answer questions on how adhd symptoms impact your life?#shrugs#anyway i fucked up on the letters one a bunch so hopefully thats sufficient for whatever these things are supposed to test#also i havent got any communication whatsoever on when my results will come back or anything so thats great#ughhh#well at least its telemed so i got to do it in my jammies cozy in bed and i can just go back to sleep now#life of bea#adhd
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I love taking care of people omggg 😍😍😍
#i love when i can go into nurse mode and get people what they need and run through the checklist of what helps#especially if i know the person because then i already have a handle on preferences or what they typically need#i have like. half a degree for a few things and i have a specific interest in physiology and psychology#i also used to really enjoy crisis management and peer support stuff but theres a lot of elements of that i cant do anymore#because the toll that shit takes is more than i can pay#specifically crisis related events#theres a lot I have to work through yet before i can manage those situations#anyway. my dream situation would be to work with someone to help them figure out what they need#like. assess the situation. find resources if needed. check on their ability to address basic daily tasks. make crisis plans.#start some basic dbt conversations and try to figure out what help they need and how to get it#i know some people dont want to go to a traditional psychiatrist or psychologist for whole host of extremely valid reasons#so being able to help them with self help or finding other alternatives. or just like. being a person they can regularly talk and vent to#because sometimes people don't have anyone. and just one person in their life can make a major impact#and like. its not exactly like therapy in that way. like i have the knowledge base to incorporate aspects of it in if wanted/needed#i think some people just need to be heard and that can help them move forward#and my goal isnt to like. transform you or whatever. there are people out there who need help but its hard to start#or it's difficult for them to access what they know they need#and i just want to meet people where theyre at and help them take enough small steps to being able to live how they want#like. harm reduction type shit. if you just need clean needles thats a step forward. and maybe its the only step they feel they need#to be happy. and now they can have a little bit of a safety.#like. a little more agency over how they want to live their life while improving quality of life#a step is a step man#anything that moves you toward the life you want counts#you deserve a win#the edible hit part way through so sorry if theres incomplete and tangential thoughts#also how can i do this shit for profesh??#i know similar jobs exist but theres a huge foundation of shit i just dont agree with built into them
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pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 7
this episode is so good for the kyoko sayaka of it all. god the fucking tree of knowledge fruit of knowledge symbolism in this ep is SO
Kyubey is such a victim blamer
When Sayaka gets upset and ask why he didn’t tell them about the soul gems he says because they never asked which shifts the blame the them
The way he makes sayaka feel the pain of being stabbed to prove his point about teh use of soul gems is SO FUCKED
Hes trying to make them thankful to him for fucking with their souls by torturing them and saying look how bad it would have been
Mother gothel core tbh
The opening is madoka core madoka pov and the ending is homura core homura pov
I said this already but the part of the opening where madokami embraces madoka makes me literally feral
Madoka is so upset and horrified by the realities of the situation that she is unable to accept them as reality and make decisions that have any real impact (again literally me fr)
Until the end of course
Homura looks so hurt when madoka asks her why she is always so cold
Her hair shadows her eyes and she looks at her marked fingernail with disdain
When kyoko leads sayaka to the church she is a black silhouette against a yellow/orange sky
Kyoko kicks down the door to the church and crushes a beam beneath her feet
Kyoko offers sayaka an apple before trying to convince her that being selfless is not the way to go
Sayaka rejects it
Representative of rejecting the fruit of knowledge and stubbornly keeping naivety
Kyoko’s dad is lowkey just a cult leader who was really bad at it
The way kyoko holds the puppet of her dad up in the lore drop is representative of how she held him up in his religious efforts by making her wish
Kyoko also used to think of being a magical girl as a way to save the world but now she knows better
Sayaka is blank staring at kyoko during the whole story
She cannot truly listen to kyoko bc if she did she would see that kyoko is right and where would that leave her?
Kyoko says “If you wish for hope an equal amount of despair will come” AAAAAAAA
Homura wishes to be with madoka who is the personification of hope and in fighting for that she gets life after life of despair
Kyoko says that she only thinks about herself but that’s really not true at all otherwise she wouldn't be trying to enlighten sayaka
In a way kyoko is the same as her dad, preaching to others about how they can be saved only to never be listened to
Sayaka condemns kyoko for stealing the food and has a weird moral high ground about not eating them because of it
As if she thinks she’s better for not having to steal
She so blinded by her view of the world at this point that she can’t recognize the class difference and privilege that she acknowledged in earlier eps
Actually speaking of the duality of kyoko’s wish reflecting her character that kind of applies to all of them
Madoka wishes to create hope/eliminate despair/loneliness and in the process makes it so that she is forever alone and takes on everything for everyone else
Sayaka wishes to heal kyosuke and ends up not letting herself be with him since she no longer sees herself as human
Mami wishes to stay alive and ends up dying in ep 3
Homura wishes for madoka and ends up in a world without her
When hitomi and sayaka talk about kyosuke and hitomi admits her feelings they are the only ones in the restaurant
All the other seats are drawn in but empty
When madoka asks to come witch hunting with sayaka sayaka says “you’re too kind”
Mirrors what homura says often
Sayaka admits that she is failing at being a warrior of justice when she wished for a moment that she hadn’t saved hitomi so that she could be with kyosuke
The reason she has such a big breakdown is bc this isn’t just about kyosuke its about her morals that she is living for being proved wrong in an undeniable way
So what is she even fighting for?
When sayaka is fighting a witch that night she no longer cares about getting hurt since she knows she will be fine as long as her soul gem stays in tact
We only see her silhouette in black against a white background
Reflects her black and white thinking
The witch forms branch like shapes to attack her
Being attacked/hurt by the tree of knowledge
Blood on her face forms tears as she laughs and smiles widely
She says it works to detach herself and she doesn’t feel anything anymore bc her whole world has ended bc her ideals were her everything and now she can’t even have those
#puella magi madoka magica#pmmm#madohomu#madoka magica#holy quintet#madoka kaname#homura akemi#mahou shoujo madoka magica#if anyone has any thoughts about the fucking chairs lmk i am trying to understand why there are always so many#like in the restaurants i get it but why in the bedrooms?#god maybe i need to watch this by myself and go through frame by frame i feel like i am missing things#since i can't pause and assess since im watching it w my friends who are seeing it for the first time#literally i have endless so many thoughts about pmmm but im worried ppl would be not interested if i posted them#bc they're not in like full essay form so idk if that would be appealing to anyone#but also i don't feel like this is really smth other ppl are reading either so maybe i should just do it
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forty years later: do you think this one musical about a protagonist sorta yeehaw Musician who has to grab his guitar & run a winding path through the silent hill fog going "i'm pure of heart!" to try to save his wife imprisoned by [context: capitalism] wants what the other musical about that has
#respectively: a best musical tony winner of the past decade vs bloodsong of love#neither of which i've seen & i probably know a bit more about the former still lol but#a split of Disinterest vs Interest; Don't See How That Works vs Sounds Good respectively again lol#stylistically at least i'm sure they don't. if bloodsong doesn't feature kazoos at some point i'll go what in tarnation#endingwise alone? truly it is hdstwn found dead in miami on that one mayhaps (How does the myth ending have thematic meaning....)#rhetorical b/c i've seen it explained several ways like well if we're talking about Not Following lol#but nodding touching the cowboy hat brim if you do like it up close or from afar. Big Enough#just also throwing my hat in a perfect boomerang onto bsol's head (was standing right next to me) afaik & i know like. a fraction atm lol#yee've hawed your last. rodeo. lo cocodrilo at some point. the kazoos kick in; tensely#oh & i doubt Art reminding the bastard of the narrative about Romance (redeemingly) (anticapitalismly) happens in bsol but#i'm only pretty sure it happens in heightiestown & again only doubt it's part of bsol. maybe as setup for a Left Turn on the audience lol#& bsol has the power of [some things other than romance] in addition to [also the romance] so there's that. also afaik#you; keep talking &c#bsol#clarification just in case: my suggesting [they don't want bsol's style; i bet it has kazoos in there] is a) acknowledging the broad fact#that there Are style differences & b) is not at all indicative of my personal tastes / opinions about those styles#my kazoos prediction is on one hand neutral matter of fact & on the other hand positive matter of taste / personal assessment#eta: hang on why was i looking at the bsol pics on john simpkin's site going ''what's lo cocodrilo constantly holding'' & it's a kazoo???#i Have to have like heard & absorbed that from i guess some iconis interview at some point lmao like alright now#would revisit if i had the least idea which where when why how etc
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I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!
#Wasn’t prepared for freeway driving at all but I surprisingly didn’t screw myself or the person following me over#now that I have Siri hooked up to the car stereo that is#Also nothing quite like being on high alert all day to give you a tension headache#But fortunately for me it wasn’t warranted because if anyone wanted to like chop me up and put me in a freezer they would have#But I’m talking to you now and I’m obviously not dead so woohoo#Don’t worry I never go into anything unprepared. And I’m the most resourceful person I know other than my father#Who does not surpass me but equals me#But yeah they’re actually nice and neurodivergently-honest and not trying to love bomb me so far as I can tell#Because I was getting “this is weird” vibes but never the “don’t do this you’re gonna die” feeling#And they’re quite obviously auDHD so I crunched some numbers based on observable behavior and determined#much of the bubbly “too much” behavior was coming from that#but I was unaccustomed to it because I’m on the polar opposite end of the DSM for ADHD (unsure of autism)#and am less likely to recognize behaviors I don’t engage in as being a symptom of neurodivergence#If that makes any sense at all#Like I’m heavily heavily introverted and quiet and soft-spoken and never initiate friendly physical contact with anyone while talking#I’m very reserved with people I don’t know and am in possession of the most blunted affect known to man and don’t reveal my hand#Ever#So seeing someone engage in the opposite of those behaviors to a degree that isn’t normal with me made me take a step or two back#because my sensory/social/trauma issues are opposed to those kind of things#So I prepared just in case my assessment of them was incorrect but everything turned out fine.#I may be extremely introverted and socially awkward (or at least I feel like I am)#but I make up for it by being able to read shrimp social cues— social cues you didn’t even know existed#(And I also project the vibe of “I have eyes in the back of my head” which makes me kind of scary for someone as slight as I am)#But yeah I’m grateful to have met them and that they’re nice#It sounds like I don’t like them but I swear I do. The circumstances of the journey made me more apprehensive than the person themself
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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The use of symbols so far is making me wonder if maybe the fears (to the extent they exist in this universe) need stronger ties to their victims/locations, that they're more restricted in their reach. They've been mentioned in two of the three incidents so far both at the (seemingly) trigger point/event
#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#daria mentions the symbols in her tat and redcanary mentions the symbols in the grafiti at the institute#i just think it would be cool#(also i'm aware 2 episodes is fuck all to speculate off but i'm not a coward. i'll be proven wrong next week if i must)#also i'm going with incidents rather than statements since it feels more fitting? i've seen a few people still use statements#which makes sense bc archives but given these aren't necessarily being given its not quite the same?#and its the Office of Incident Assessment and Response#they deal with incidents. its in the name#this does then also imply that someone must draw the symbols which implies more fun things but i'll leave it here for now
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i think the point of a university-level education is a bit lost on some of my course mates...
#things are not going to be spoon fed to you you will have to do your own research#seek out your own education guided by lectures and assignments#relish that freedom instead of lamenting it!!#some of these assignments are actually good and ive been able to tailor them to my interests#like rn im learning about the uses of bracken in ancient scotland!#i just did a whole project on tomato grafting (i love solanaceae - tomato family) and whilst it was hard i did enjoy reading about it#we had some mini essays to research and they were so interesting to research and fun to write because one of them was a comparing two#articles and one of them was really bad so it was fun to rip it to shreds and actually apply the knowledge we've been accumulating in class#but i think the point of doing all this is lost on some of them#which is a real shame#maybe im just a nerd?#i very much have the benefit of doing a degree before this so maybe im being harsh#but saying that assessments suck doesnt make them any more interesting#also we have so much free reign over topic that if it sucks it's kind of on you a lil bit#though i will admit some of the assignments are stupid
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-. lil side-note i've recently noticed about my writing (at least here on dumblr): i like to take my time lmao. as in, not in terms of replying speed, there i'm just slow, full stop. but i think i just?? like to move things along slowly? progress through conversations, slow-burn the FUCK out of a thread. lately, i've been trying to indulge myself in that more, to focus on character (both yours and mine), so if you feel 'hmmm this reply doesn't move us real quick' MY BAD, i don't like rushing ♥
#;ooc#;psa#the only reason i'm even feeling the need to mention this is that i've often found myself#struggling with a thread solely because i felt like i had to figure out a way to get something#to happen? if that makes sense? to get something going to move things literally often times yknow#i just wrote a reply for doe where he just thinks and then says one line of dialogue mostly bc he's#assessing the circumstances right? AND I FIGURED?? as long as it's giving my partner something to work with#i should be allowed to write like this as well right (i'm making big eyes but also holding a knife lmao)#ANYWAYS THAT'S ALL i gotta go cook lmao#HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A LOVELY TIMEZONE STAY SAFE
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...
#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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Ahhh remember in June how I was like freaking out about applying for a promotion and I was like ‘maybe I’ll work on improving my writing instead’ and then I looked around and the only writing workshop I could find where I live was at 9AM on one of the islands so I’d have to catch a ferry at like 7:30 (crucially, again, on Saturday mornings I am not getting up that early) I was like I guess I’ll apply for that promotion…
Well as you all know I got the promotion and now it turns out they’re starting a writing workshop at a cafe like 10 minutes away from my apartment. ��� So now the new crisis is the sudden social anxiety/imposter syndrome about whether to RSVP or not. 🙃
Always gotta be freaking out about something
#i think I might check it out#i can always just be shy and observe at first#i think it’s going to be sprint/flash fiction based judging by the description on the event page#so it might be fun just to get more social#I don’t necessarily have to share what I’m working on or my background#(how are people at these things usually about fic writers? 😬 gonna keep that a secret until I assess)#also this is at the book bar and they’re having a ‘boozy book fair’ in September im SO excited for
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