#but also it genuinely tastes better so i’m sad

[sharkieboi]

got V8 to Consume Veggies but after first bottle of strawberry-banana remembered i’m allergic to bananas, powered through with minimal gastrointestinal distress, got peach-mango this time, it’s meh but alright especially once i throw some apple juice in, but either way it’s the literal exact color of pumpkins so i keep subconsciously expecting pumpkin flavor when i go to drink it and im not sure if i’m disappointed or not.

[goldsainz]

# F1 GRID — OOPS, WRONG PERSON !

MASTERLIST !

REQUEST !

001. SUMMARY !

✯ you decide to pull a prank by “butt-dialing” your boyfriend.

002. WARNINGS !

✯ tiny tiniest bit of angst, barely proofread.

003. NOTE !

✯ i loveddd this request, so much fun to write! hope you all enjoy it because i don’t know if it’s quite as good as i intended. also, this is LONGGG so please let me know if you liked it 🫶

word count : 5,6k

★ CARLOS SAINZ

Carlos is genuinely surprised when he sees your name pop up on his phone, a facetime call incoming. Still, he doesn’t hesitate in answering. Whatever it is you might have to say must be important given the fact that you usually avoid making calls. Texts or face-to-face conversation being more your style.

What he doesn’t know, is you’re trying to keep your giggles to yourself. You have your back-up phone in hand, recording a TikTok trend you saw and decided to attempt with your boyfriend.

When Carlos answers, you pull yourself together and start speaking as if you were in the middle of a conversation. You wonder if the wall can see the idiocy of what you’re doing, if it’s judging you as you sit alone in your room whilst pranking your boyfriend.

“Amor?” Carlos asks, greeting you still slightly confused as to the reason for your call. You grin at his voice, your camera pointing to the ceiling so it seems like an accident.

“Honestly, I think I would tell him no,” you say to nobody in particular, making up a conversation.

“Hello? What’s going on?” He asks again, but you pay him no mind.

You continue your prank as best as you can, “I don’t know… I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment,”

Carlos doesn’t respond instantly, but he gets the feeling that you’ve accidentally called him. He doesn’t hung up, no, he’s too nosy to do that. So, he keeps quiet in hopes that you continue whatever conversation you’re having.

“Do you think he would be mad?” You ask to your wall, “He’s really sweet, but that would anger anyone.”

What? He asks in his mind, trying to fill in the blanks to your conversation. Are you talking about him?

“He asked me the other day if I liked silver or gold better, isn’t that a sign?”

Oh, you so are talking about him.

When the realisation hits, he’s kind of sad. He didn’t ask it with the intentions you are insinuating, but you would really say no if he asked you to marry him? He can’t help but have his feelings hurt.

“I just don’t want to rush things.”

The silence on the other end of the phone is deafening. You would think he hung up if you weren’t so intently watching the screen on your phone. You feel slightly bad about the kind of conversation you’re having. A fake conversation, but still, you feel bad.

Deciding he’s had enough, Carlos hungs up. He won’t listen in on your conversation any longer, it’s doing him no good. He’s left with a bitter taste in his mouth, a weight crushing onto his chest as he ponder over your words. He didn’t know you felt that way, and truthfully, he could’ve gone on for longer without knowing.

Immediately, you call him back. He’s tempted to ignore the call but twice can’t be a coincidence.

“What?” He asks quickly after answering, when he sees your face his harsh frown softens but his tone doesn’t.

“I’m sorry,” you say, dragging the y, “It was a prank, mi vida.”

He freezes for a second and then lets out a sigh of relief, “It was?”

“Yes!” You exclaim, showing him your second phone, “Say hello to TikTok.”

“You scared me,” he says with a shake of his head, “I thought you were being serious.”

“Never,” you firmly respond, “Can’t wait to be Mrs. Sainz,”

He smiles at the sudden shyness of your voice, “Well, that’s a relief then,”

You laugh at his words then suddenly stop, “Wait, Carlos, what do you mean?”

He looks at you as best as he can through a camera lens, then laughs and blows you a kiss.

“Carlos! What do you mean?” You ask more desperately, searching for answers but he just laughs and says his goodbyes.

You are left with your mouth agape when he hangs up. The video is certainly funny, and you can’t wait to edit out the more intimate ending and post it. But you’re left with a nervous yet exciting feeling at the pit of your stomach.

Perhaps the prankster ended up being the one pranked. Though you hope it’s not a prank.

★ CHARLES LECLERC

You await Charles’ response to your facetime call, patiently sitting down on your bed and your other phone in hand, ready to record. 

When your incoming call appears on Charles’s screen, he instantly answers. He loves to hear from you, especially when he’s away from you and misses you deeply. 

“Hello, mon chou,” he says, smiling at the camera and then slightly frowning when he notices that your camera is completely black.

“Okay, so I’ll see you at seven, right?” You ask your bear plushie, smiling at the ridiculousness of the prank.

At your words Charles’ mood dips, trying to understand what you;re saying or better yet, who you're speaking to.

“I’m so excited to see you,” Maybe it's cruel to play such games when you're thousands of kilometres apart. 

You know how much Charles misses you, how gruelling being so far away from home is to him. It is to you as well, being separated from your boyfriend tears your heart apart each time, but you decide that maybe spicing things up a little could be just what you need.

"Wait, who are you talking to? Is someone else there?” He asks, fidgeting with his hair and straightening up from where he was sitting. 

You pretend to ignore his voice and continue with the prank, “Yeah, he’s in Canada right now.”

Your boyfriend is now agitated at your words, though he prides himself for his calmness in tense situations he's not sure how to act right now. Should he hang up? Shout so that you perhaps hear him? Or stick around for the call and understand who you're talking to?

“No no, don't even worry about him,” you have to stifle your giggles, looking at the plushy in front of you who has served as your faithful company while Charles is away.

He leans in closer to the camera, tilting his head slightly, trying to understand what’s going on. “Amour, who’s there with you? Is someone else there?” he asks, a little louder this time, but still in that soft, slightly panicked tone.

It takes everything in you not to break character, but you want to see how far you can go. And hey, if you can pull this off maybe an acting career is not so far away. 

“Honestly, it gets so boring around here but you make it better.”

Charles’ lips part as if he’s about to say something, but he hesitates. You can see him wrestling with his emotions. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the confusion and a bit of hurt are written all over his face. He glances away from the screen, clearly feeling awkward. “I mean... if you’re busy, I can call you later?” His voice is soft, polite as always, but there’s a hint of insecurity creeping in.

Finally, you can’t keep up the act anymore, and burst into laughter.

His eyes widen in realisation, and his face immediately softens with relief. “Wait, is this a joke?!” His hand goes to his chest, and he lets out a nervous laugh. “Mon dieu, I thought you were serious for a second! I was so confused.” He laughs now, more freely, shaking his head.

You grab your phone, fixing the angle so he can finally see you and just how alone you are in your room. “Yeah, it was just a prank. You should’ve seen your face!”

The giggles you're letting out make Charles smile, finding it endearing how such a simple thing entertained you. 

He groans playfully, clearly relieved but also slightly embarrassed. “You really got me... I didn’t know what to think! I was about to ask if I needed to fly out and speak with you!” He chuckles, running a hand through his hair again, his smile back and wider than ever. “But honestly, don’t do that again, chérie. I was about to lose my mind!”

You laugh, wiping a tear from your eye. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist! You were so confused, it was hilarious!”

He shakes his head with a grin, still amused, but now there’s a more serious note in his eyes. He leans a little closer to the camera, his voice softening. “I’m glad it was a joke, but you had me really worried for a second there. I didn’t know what I would’ve done if it was real...” He trails off, his expression turning thoughtful, like he’s truly imagining what it would feel like if you were talking to someone else.

You smile, feeling a bit guilty for messing with him. “I would never do that to you, Charles. It was just a prank.”

He breathes out a little sigh, then flashes you a tender smile that could melt anyone’s heart. “I know, I know. I trust you... but still, you’re so important to me.” His voice drops to a softer tone, his vulnerability shining through. “You don’t know how much I care about you. When I thought you might be talking to someone else... I don’t think I could’ve handled it.”

His sincerity catches you off guard, and your heart swells. Before you can say anything, he smiles again, a little sheepish now. “But anyway, good prank. I’ll give you that.” He points a playful finger at the screen. “Just remember, payback’s coming!” His grin is wide, but there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You raise an eyebrow, pretending to be unbothered. “Oh really? What are you going to do?”

Charles smirks, leaning back in his chair. “You’ll see. You’ll never know when it’s coming, but when it does, you’re going to regret pranking me!” He winks, but it’s clear he’s more than happy to let this prank slide for now.

Then, his voice softens again, and he gives you a look that’s pure affection. “But seriously... don’t scare me like that again. I like knowing I’m the only one you’re FaceTiming.” He smiles, his dimples showing, his face a mix of relief and playful charm.

You can’t help but laugh. “Okay, okay! I promise, no more pranks like that.”

“Good,” he says with a final grin, looking like he’s truly at ease again. Then, he blows you a quick kiss through the screen. “Now, tell me what you were actually doing before you called me. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

★ LANDO NORRIS

It’s late afternoon, and you’re feeling mischievous. You decide to pull a prank you saw earlier on TikTok on Lando. You know he will be caught off guard, and that’s exactly what you’re going for.

You set your phone on the couch, deliberately calling Lando without actually answering the FaceTime. Then, in a casual voice, you start the prank, pretending to have a conversation with someone else.

“Yeah, it was so fun hanging out last night. You’re hilarious!” you say, just loud enough for Lando to hear through the FaceTime call. “I can’t believe we stayed up talking for so long!”

On the other end of the line, Lando picks up immediately. Your contact name makes him smile, wondering what you’re about tell him. But when the call goes through, he’s confused, staring at your screen which faces the ceiling. “Wait… babe? Hello?” he says, glancing around as if trying to figure out what’s happening. He leans in, his brows furrowing when he hears you talking, but not to him.

“Yeah, it was so fun hanging out last night. You’re hilarious!” you say, just loud enough for Lando to hear through the FaceTime call. “I can’t believe we stayed up talking for so long!”

His eyes go wide as he looks closer at the phone, confusion spreading across his face. He shifts in his chair, trying to process what he’s hearing. “What? What’s going on? Who are you talking to?” he asks, his voice growing more anxious.

You continue the conversation, making it sound even more flirty. “Yeah, I didn’t expect to have that much fun either. You’re really something else.”

Lando's heart rate definitely spikes. He leans forward, the panic starting to creep into his voice. “Wait, wait, who’s there? Who’s she talking to?” He mutters to himself, wondering why the hell you can't hear his panicked voice but what he's more worried about is who you're talking to. 

“I’ll text you later, okay? Maybe we can hang out again soon?” you say, keeping your tone light and playful. “Yeah, it was really great seeing you. I’ll talk to you later!”

By now, Lando’s freaking out. He’s still staring at the phone screen, but you can see the uncertainty and jealousy building. He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a nervous laugh. “Okay, this can’t be real. Am I being punked or something? Who the hell are you talking to?” He leans in closer, almost yelling now. “Babe! Hello! Can you hear me?!”

You pretend not to hear him and keep talking to the imaginary guy. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Can’t wait.”

He finally breaks, face twisting into disbelief, and he throws his hands in the air. “Are you serious right now? Who the hell is this guy?!” His voice cracks, and he’s clearly spiralling at this point. “Babe! BABE! Who are you talking to?! Are you with someone else?!” He’s practically on the edge of his seat, completely panicking.

You can’t hold back anymore and burst out laughing, picking up the phone.

Lando’s eyes are wild as he sees you finally holding the phone properly. “Wait… what? What’s going on? Who are you—” He stops mid-sentence as he realises you’re laughing, and it slowly dawns on him. “Oh my god.” He slumps back in his chair, groaning dramatically. “Noooo, don’t tell me this was a prank!”

Still laughing, you nod. “Yep! You got butt-dialed, babe.”

His face is still frozen in disbelief. “Are you joking right now?” he asks, his voice going up an octave. His hand is over his chest like he’s trying to calm his racing heart. “You seriously just made me think you were talking to another guy?”

“Uh-huh,” you reply, barely holding back more laughter.

He leans closer to the screen, his eyes wide. “I’m literally sweating! My heart was in my throat, and you were over here just… casually chatting with some ‘guy.’” His voice cracks a little as he says “guy,” and his dramatic reaction makes you laugh harder.

“Oh, come on, it was just a little prank,” you tease.

Lando shakes his head, looking somewhere between amused and exasperated. “Little prank? I was literally about to start a fight with the air! I’ve never been so confused in my life!” He lets out a long, dramatic sigh, slumping back in his chair. “I’m in shambles right now. I’ve been emotionally attacked.”

You try to stop giggling, but his over-the-top reaction just keeps it going. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a heart attack!”

“Too late,” he says with mock seriousness. “The damage is done. I might need to lie down after this.” He pauses, staring at you with narrowed eyes, a small smirk forming on his lips. “You owe me big time.”

You roll your eyes, still smiling. “Oh, really? And what exactly do I owe you?”

Lando crosses his arms, feigning deep thought. “Well, first off, you owe me a massive apology. And then maybe…” His eyes light up as the thought hits him. “You can take me out for a nice dinner, pay for dessert, and— oh! I’m thinking a full day of pampering.”

You laugh, raising an eyebrow. “Pampering? What do you think this is, a spa?”

He grins, leaning back in his chair and looking more relaxed now. “Hey, I deserve it after what you just put me through. I was about to show up at your place ready to fight some random guy I didn’t even know existed!”

“Alright, alright,” you say, playfully rolling your eyes again. “I’ll pamper you. But just this once!”

Lando’s grin grows wider. “Deal. But I’m definitely getting you back for this, by the way. Just so you know.”

You can’t help but laugh at his scheming. “I’d expect nothing less from you.”

He tilts his head, his eyes softening slightly. “But seriously, don’t scare me like that again, okay? My poor heart can’t take it.” His voice drops into a teasing whine, but there’s a touch of genuine relief there too.

You smile, feeling a little guilty now. “I promise, no more butt-dial pranks.”

Lando sighs in mock relief, then grins. “Good. Now that we’ve got that settled, I’m expecting that pampering session to start soon. I’m thinking back rubs and snacks. Lots of snacks.”

You shake your head with a laugh. “You’re impossible.”

“You love it,” he says cheekily, winking at you.

★ LEWIS HAMILTON

It’s late in the evening, you’re lounging on the couch, scrolling through social media when a mischievous idea pops into your head: prank Lewis. It’s been a long week for him, and you know he’s probably relaxing after a day full of meetings and training. That makes it the perfect time to catch him off guard.

Picking up your phone, you set it on the couch beside you, face down, so it looks like a genuine mistake. Then, with one quick swipe, you FaceTime him. The phone rings a few times before Lewis picks up. You can see from the tiny preview screen that he’s in the hotel, leaning back in his chair, probably unwinding after the busy day he's had.

At first, he looks confused when he sees the camera pointing at your ceiling. “Babe?” he calls out, his voice soft and curious. “Did you call me?”

You ignore his soft voice, pretending you don’t realise you’ve called him. Instead, you start the staged conversation with your "friend” who really just is an unbothered Roscoe, who's resting by your feet and not paying much attention to anything.

“I don’t know, I just feel like things with Lewis aren’t working anymore,” you say with a sigh, making your voice sound hesitant, like you’re deep in thought.

On the other end, you can hear Lewis pause, his confusion evident as he watches the ceiling of your living room on the screen. “Wait, what? Did I just hear that right?” he mumbles, his voice soft but tinged with concern.

You continue, not responding to him, staying in character, “It’s just been really hard lately. Like, I know he cares about me, but it feels like we’re growing apart, you know?” You make your voice sound vulnerable, as if you’re spilling your deepest thoughts to this imaginary friend.

Lewis sits up straighter, his face showing a mix of confusion and worry now. He leans toward the screen, trying to get your attention. “Babe? What’s going on? Who are you talking to?” His voice is still calm, but there’s a note of urgency creeping in.

You keep the fake conversation going, pushing it a little further. “I mean, I love him, but sometimes love isn’t enough. We’re just in different places, and I don’t know if we’re going to make it.”

Your boyfriend’s eyes widen and he rubs a hand over his face, his composure starting to slip as the weight of your words sinks in. “Wait, hold on, what are you talking about? You don’t think we’re gonna make it? Babe, what’s happening?” His voice is louder now, more strained, and you can see the confusion and hurt beginning to cloud his expression.

You almost put a stop to your prank right there, but you decide to push through. So, you ignore him, still talking to your imaginary friend, “I’ve been thinking about ending things for a while, but it’s just so hard. He’s so sweet, and I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t keep pretending everything’s fine.”

Lewis blinks, and you can see him processing your words, his heart clearly sinking. His mouth opens slightly, but he’s struggling to find the right thing to say. “No, no, this can’t be real,” he whispers to himself, shaking his head. 

You glance at the screen briefly, seeing the growing panic in his eyes, but you push the prank a bit further. “Yeah, I’m going to talk to him soon. I just hope he understands.” You add a small, fake sigh. “I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t think we’re right for each other anymore.”

He lets out a shaky breath, his calm exterior cracking even more. “Babe, talk to me. What’s going on? Is this how you really feel?” He’s practically pleading now, his voice full of emotion. You can see the vulnerability in his eyes as he tries to make sense of everything.

Finally, unable to hold it together any longer, you burst out laughing and grab the phone. “Oh my god, Lewis, it’s a prank!”

For a moment, Lewis just stares at you, blinking in complete disbelief. Then, slowly, realisation dawns, and he lets out a long, exasperated sigh, slumping back in his chair. “No way… are you serious? You were just messing with me?”

You nod, still laughing. “Yeah, there’s no friend. I wasn’t talking about breaking up with you. I’m so sorry, my love!”

He rubs his face with both hands, trying to process everything. “Wow… okay, you really got me.” He exhales sharply, clearly relieved but still a bit shaken. “I thought I was about to lose you here. My heart was racing.”

“I’m sorry!” you say, giggling. “I didn’t mean to freak you out that much, I swear.”

He chuckles softly, though you can see the relief still lingering on his face. “You really had me going, babe. I didn’t know what to think.” He pauses, then looks at you with a mix of amusement and reproach. “I was ready to drop everything and come find you.”

You grin, feeling a little bad now that you can see how worried he really was. “I didn’t mean to push it that far! It was just supposed to be a little prank.”

Lewis shakes his head with a smile, the tension starting to fade. “Alright, alright. It’s all good. You got me. But don’t think I’m letting you off the hook so easily.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Oh? What’s my punishment?”

He leans back, crossing his arms with a playful smirk. “I’m not sure yet, but I’m definitely getting you back for this. And trust me, when I do, you’ll never see it coming.” His eyes glint with mischief, though there’s still that hint of vulnerability lingering in his expression.

You laugh, still feeling a bit guilty for putting him through that emotional rollercoaster. “Fair enough, I’ll be ready for whatever you’ve got planned.”

He chuckles, his smile softening. “Just… no more pranks like that, alright? You really freaked me out.” His voice lowers, and you can tell he means it.

You nod, giving him an apologetic smile. “I promise, no more fake breakups.”

Lewis grins, though his eyes are still warm with lingering emotion. “Good. Because if we’re going to have a serious conversation, I’d rather it be in person.” He winks, his usual calm confidence starting to return.

“Deal,” you say with a playful roll of your eyes, relieved that he’s taking it so well.

He sighs dramatically, then chuckles. “You’re lucky I love you, babe. Because if anyone else tried that on me…” He trails off with a smirk, but you know he means it.

“I know, I know. You’re the best,” you tease, still smiling.

“Yeah, don’t forget it,” he says, his voice light, but you can tell he’s glad the whole thing was just a joke.

★ MAX VERSTAPPEN

Max’s phone buzzes with a FaceTime call, and he glances at the screen, seeing your name pop up. It’s unusual for you to call directly; you typically prefer texting or face-to-face conversations. So, he’s immediately curious about what might be urgent enough to warrant a call.

You place your phone face down on the couch and dial Max’s number. The phone rings a few times before he picks up, his face appearing on the screen. He’s clearly winding down after a long day, his hair slightly tousled and a relaxed look on his face.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asks casually. You can see he’s expecting a normal call.

Instead of responding, you start chatting as if you’re talking to someone else. “Yeah, it was great seeing you tonight. I didn’t expect to have such a good time.” You add a flirty tone to your voice, trying to sound casual.

At first, Max stays silent, his expression shifting from relaxed to puzzled. After a moment, his eyes narrow, and he leans closer to the screen. “Who are you talking to?” His voice is direct, with a calm demeanour that contrasts the intensity in his eyes.

You continue with the prank, keeping up the pretence. “I know, right? It’s been so long since we’ve had a chance to hang out like this.” You give a small, playful laugh.

Max’s face tightens slightly, and he sits up straight, clearly not pleased. “Seriously, who is that? Who are you talking to?” His tone is calm but authoritative.

“I’m glad we could hang out,” you say softly, using the same voice you use when you want to sweeten Max. It’s a tone reserved only for him, and that only makes him more frustrated.

He watches you intently, his patience wearing thin. “I’m not playing games. Are you going to tell me who this is or not?” 

You can see his frustration building as he waits for a response. When you don’t immediately answer, he makes a decisive move. “You know what? I’m ending this call.” He starts to hang up, but then pauses, his eyes narrowing even more. “Actually, I’m coming over. I want to see who you’re talking to.”

Before you can react, he’s already starting to disconnect. Realising the prank might be escalating, you quickly grab the phone and try to calm him down. “Wait, Max, it’s a joke! I was just messing with you!”

Max freezes mid-disconnect, his eyes widening with a mix of relief and disbelief. He straightens up, a sarcastic grin spreading across his face. “Oh, a joke? Perfect timing. I was just about to come over and give your ‘mystery guy’ a piece of my mind. You know, because clearly, he needed a crash course on what it means to mess with my girlfriend.”

You burst out laughing, trying to explain yourself. “I’m really sorry, Max. I didn’t think it would get this intense.”

He rolls his eyes dramatically, still grinning. “Yeah, because nothing says ‘I’m just kidding’ like a full-blown emotional crisis. I’m sure your ‘mystery guy’ would’ve been thrilled to meet the real Max Verstappen, all dressed up for a confrontation.”

You giggle, feeling a bit sheepish. “I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I just thought it would be a harmless prank.”

Max raises an eyebrow, his sarcasm in full swing. “Oh, of course, harmless. I mean, who needs peace of mind when you’ve got surprise pranks, right?”

You laugh, trying to diffuse the situation. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll make sure to keep my pranks a bit less intense next time.”

He smirks, shaking his head. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Unless you want me to come over and give you a live demonstration of what happens when you prank a racing driver. Spoiler alert: It involves a lot of very fast revenge.”

“Noted,” you say with a grin. “I promise, no more surprise drama.”

Max chuckles, his sarcasm giving way to genuine amusement. “Good. Because I was about to start practising my ‘disappointed boyfriend’ speech. And trust me, it’s a work of art.”

You laugh again, feeling relieved that he’s taking it well. “I’ll avoid any more pranks that might warrant a speech.”

“Perfect. Now, let’s talk about something less dramatic— like how you’re going to make it up to me. And I don’t mean another prank.”

You laugh, ready to move on from the prank. “I’ve got just the thing. No more surprises, I promise.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Good. And remember, I’m always keeping an eye out for any more ‘mysterious’ calls.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you say with a laugh. 

★ OSCAR PIASTRI

You’re feeling cheeky and decide to pull a prank on your boyfriend by pretending to butt dial him. You carefully set up your phone, ensuring it calls Oscar automatically. You place the phone on a table and begin your act, speaking loudly enough for him to hear clearly through the call. 

You make sure to put on a show, talking loudly enough that Oscar will definitely hear it. As soon as he picks up, you begin your “conversation.”

“Oh hey! So glad you called,” you start, making your voice bright and cheerful as if you’ve been waiting for this call. “I just have to tell you, last night was absolutely amazing!”

Oscar, on the other end of the call, answers with his usual calm demeanour. He sees your name on the screen and answers with a mix of curiosity and amusement. His face remains composed, but you can sense him starting to analyse the situation. He listens intently, trying to figure out what’s happening.

“I’m so glad we got to hang out. It’s not every day you meet someone who can keep me laughing like that,” you say, your tone warm and engaging. You emphasise the casual nature of the conversation, hoping to make your boyfriend think it’s a genuine chat.

Oscar’s gaze is fixed on the screen, his eyes narrowing slightly as he listens. He remains eerily quiet, giving you the sense that he’s deep in thought, piecing together the details of your conversation. His face is a mask of calm curiosity, but there’s a flicker of recognition in his eyes.

“Absolutely, we need to do it again soon. How about dinner tomorrow? I’ll text you the details,” you continue, maintaining the pretence. You keep your tone light and breezy, almost as if the conversation is too engaging for you to notice his reaction.

Oscar’s smirk starts to form, his mind piecing together the clues. He leans back slightly in his chair, his composure unshaken. He’s clearly caught on to the prank, but he maintains his cool, waiting for the right moment to reveal his awareness.

“I hope you’re done with your other conversation,” he finally says, his voice smooth and collected. “We can talk later when you’re free from your… other commitments.” His calm tone and subtle smirk indicate he’s caught on, but he’s letting you have your fun for now.

You immediatly start laughing, realising that Oscar has seen right through your prank. “I didn’t expect you to catch on so quickly!”

He chuckles, clearly enjoying the reveal. “I had a feeling something was off, your conversation was a bit too perfect.” He gives you a playful wink. “Nice try, though. I have to admit, you had me intrigued for a moment there.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” you say, still grinning. “I was hoping to give you a little challenge.”

He leans back in his chair, his smile broadening. “Challenge accepted. You managed to get a rise out of me, which is no easy feat. But now that I’m in on the joke, I’m planning my own comeback.” His tone is light-hearted but filled with a hint of mischief.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” you say, still grinning. “I was hoping to give you a little challenge.”

His smirk widens into a charming grin. “Challenge accepted,” he replies, his eyes twinkling with playful mischief. “But since you managed to prank me, I think it’s only fair that I get to return the favour.”

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by his confident tone. “Oh, really? And what do you have in mind for your comeback?”

Oscar leans in a bit closer, his gaze softening. “Let’s just say that next time we talk, I might have a surprise of my own for you. Something that’ll make your heart race in a way that’s far more thrilling than any prank.” He gives you a knowing look, his voice lowering to a teasing whisper. “I’m all about keeping things exciting.”

Your heart flutters at the flirtatious undertone in his voice. “Is that so? I’ll have to be extra vigilant then. I wouldn’t want you to catch me off guard again.”

His eyes sparkle with affection. “Oh, don’t worry. I love a good challenge, especially when it means I get to see that beautiful smile of yours when you’re surprised.” 

You blush a little at his words, “I might have to prank you every day if I get you this sweet after.”

“I’m alway sweet,” he teases, laughing at your flusteredness.

“Yeah, you are.”

“Anyway, are you getting home later today?” You ask, hoping to see your boyfriend after weeks of him being away.

“Yes, I’m aching to see you,” he confesses, smiling at you.

“Me too.” 

“See you then, my little prankster,” Oscar says with a laugh.

You roll your eyes at the nickname but you’re endeared by it all the same. “See you soon.”

[minjix]

cinderella → Vinnie Hacker x female!reader

summary: in which you’re the one catching his attention

warnings: fluff, and that’s a warning of itself lol + plus the standard swear word here and there. also I can’t for the life of me write an ending, so I apologize if it feels abrupt-because it is lol. also keep in mind that english is not my first language.

a/n: I write with breaks to actually be able to give it my all and not lose interest in writing- which is a genuine fear of mine

word count: 2.6k :)

masterlist

reblogs and comments are very much appreciated!

It was all a stupid cliche in your eyes as you stared at the tweet Vinnie had posted. “who is she.” Simple as that, yet mostly everyone knew what he was referring to, but they didn’t know whom and Vinnie didn’t know either.

Like previously stated, it was all a stupid cliche- a masquerade party filled to the brim with influencers and small celebrities, crowding a huge mansion which felt tiny as you pushed your way through to get a much needed breath of fresh air, away from the liquor stained breaths.

You sighed in relief as you stepped into the cool L.A, two am breeze, the music thumping through the ground, vibrating your whole body. “I feel the same way,” a dark voice chuckled. Startled, you looked into the direction of which the voice came from, and there he stood, leaning on the wall, head tilted back and eyes on the night sky. He was dressed simple, something you rolled your eyes at, and his arms of which were folded in front of his chest was covered in tattoos. “Huh?” Was all that you managed to get out, your tongue deciding to twist on itself.

The corners of his mouth twitched as though he wanted to smile, but refrained from doing just that. “Wanting to get away for a few minutes,” his voice was velvety and , his skin shone red from the neon lights seeping through the huge windows.

“Oh- yeah, you answered stupidly, “totes.” You wanted to smack yourself. A laugh rumbled his chest and escaped from his lips as his head tilted in your direction, his eyes meeting yours. “Totes? Never heard that before-in real life that is.” Duh, because you’ve spoken like a bad stereotypical surfer dude.

You didn’t know how to respond so you simply nodded your head, very aware of his eyes trailing down your body. A tattooed hand entered your peripheral, “I’m Vinnie,” he introduced himself. It was then more sober you connected the dots, of course it’s Vinnie the Hacker. The only disguise he had was a black eye mask with black crystals in intricate designs; it looked expensive and it most definitely was, knowing who he was and all. You hadn’t bothered to wear a mask, but had regretted that decision the moment you stepped into the mansion.

You didn’t shake his hand. “Cool,” you shrugged mentally preparing yourself with whatever half assed excuse you could come up with to leave. ‘my apartment is on fire’ don’t want to jinx myself you thought afterwards. “Um, nice to meet you?” You sounded awfully unsure, and guilt brewed in your stomach when you saw Vinnie wince. “So,” he began carefully, trying to get an understanding,” what’s your name?”

But you didn’t feel like answering. “I’m hungry.” You spat out and his eyes widened. “What?”

“I’m hungry, so I’m going to leave. Bye.” You turned to leave but a careful grasp of your arm halted you, “do you want to get McDonalds with me? I’m kinda hungry too.” He sounded shy, and you couldn’t even imagine turning him down, he looked like a sad puppy for Christ sake.

“Sure.”

The drive to the fast food chain was surprisingly comfortable, even though Vinnie tried his best to get you to tell him your name; to no avail. And soon enough the two of you were seated by the window, both with big macs in hand, awkwardness thrown out the window as the alcohol induced hunger made everything taste oh so much better.

“so fucking good,” Vinnie groaned through a mouthful causing you to almost choke on your fourth bite. Your eyes didn’t leave his form, his hair in a disarray and his eyes closed as he ate the burger.

You forced a chuckle, “won’t your friends get mad or something?” You mumbled, playing with your fries. The tattooed man shook his head, “no? Why would they?” His eyes were on yours now and you couldn’t help but feel bare under his intense gaze.

“You kinda ditched them…” you trailed of as a smirk grew on his lips, his tongue quickly darting out to lick them. “Trust me they won’t notice.” He sounded sure. “Why?” You asked and this time he laughed softly, “you’re very curious, huh?” You shrugged, “I guess.”

He continued, “but no, they were pretty busy trying to get laid so I really doubt they’d notice me missing.” He stressed the word ‘really’.

“Oh.” He laughed again as he stared you down, “you’re really weird, y’know that?”

“Thanks?”

You and Vinnie had spent an hour talking nonsense, and when the two of you noticed the hard stares from the workers you both decided to leave. Vinnie had insisted on dropping you off at home but an uncomfortable feeling grew in the pit of your stomach as you politely declined, telling him a white lie to soothe his worries about leaving a girl in the streets of LA at three am.

——-

The morning after, curiosity had you in its grip as you reluctantly opened Twitter and searched for his handle.

@/vinniehacker: who is she. posted at five am. Quicker than lightning you exited the app, contemplating on deleting it completely, but you refrained from doing it.

You grew frustrated at yourself, you had an amazing night last night with an amazing attractive guy, and you full out blew everything to bits.

Your best friend tended to call you a flesh ball of anxiety, a saying that left a sour taste in your mouth and cheeks aching from faking a laugh. You were a people pleaser, but at the same time you hated everyone and preferred to be by yourself. So you did everything to stay out of the spotlight, simply rooming with your childhood best friend who went viral on TikTok months ago. And Vinnie was the opposite of staying out of the spotlight.

Before your brain had caught up to what your hands were doing, you had already entered the cursed bird app again, entering his handle, tapping on the tweet and reading through the comments. ‘she????’, ‘what?!’, all in a similar fashion. Speculations were thrown left and right and thirty minutes had passed of you endlessly scrolling, biting your lip raw until you tasted iron.

“Get up! We have an event to go to!” You wanted to cry, to come up with a lie that you were sick and didn’t want to spread it further. You lied a lot, at least tried to before your brain took you through the endless possibilities of consequences coming from said lies. So you heaved a sigh and got ready.

———-

The event was extremely overcrowded and overwhelming, the LA sun beaming down on bodies dripping in expensive perfumes, a cloud of strong smells begging for a headache to form. You were a plus one, a non famous one at that, so you stood awkwardly to the side as your friend and her famous friends took promo pictures. In your hand was a mimosa, minus the champagne, so orange juice.

You didn’t bother to keep up the happy charade, settling on frowning while sipping your expensive orange juice. You had half a mind to ask what brand of juice it was but decided that you were already looking stupid so there was no point of making it worse.

You were painfully aware of how lonely you looked so you grabbed your phone and entered the weather app, wondering how the weather in Hamburg was.

“So, uh, how’s the weather looking?” A velvety voice asked from above your right shoulder, warm air tickling your skin and you froze. Shit. “Uhm, cloudy with a chance of rain,”

You turned towards him and tried not to gape at what you saw. He was wearing a half buttoned white blouse with his hair slicked back except for a few strands in the front. He wore black and expensive looking trousers, and silver rings wrapped around almost each finger with a silver braided bracelet. His sleeves were rolled up revealing his tattoos on his sun kissed skin. And he smelled so fucking good.

He gave you a mischievous grin, “hey, you.” His eyes trailed over your form, several times with a glint in his eyes. You whispered a hey back, flustered for some reason and you were also ashamed, for what, you had no idea.

“I never got your name,” he muttered, his hands in his pocket. You could only shrug, words not agreeing with you. And there it was, that nauseating shameful feeling you got, you were ashamed of yourself for some reason, well you know why, but actually taking the bull by its horns are the hard part.

“I know,” he frowned at your answer, raising an eyebrow. “So you’re not going to give me your name, so I’ll just have to call you Cinderella then. “ he smiled smugly at the end of his sentence, as though he had conquered the world with his pinkie.

“Cinderella?” You asked confused and a smit insulted. “I didn’t drop my shoe…” you trailed off, combing through your memory, and sure enough, you had both your shoes on, or you would’ve noticed otherwise.

He laughed out loud, his teeth on full display and eyes closed. “No, you didn’t drop your shoe. But you did leave me with not being able to stop thinking of you…” he said, his eyes unrelentingly searching yours as if he could simply read your name in your irises. Your eyes widened and you felt as though your stomach was turning inside out. This has to be a cruel joke, you thought to yourself as you glared at him.

“That’s not funny,” you murmured through clenched teeth. He looked confused, brows furrowed. “It-it wasn’t a joke,” he said sheepishly. He looked genuinely hurt, and it made you doubt your insecurities.

“I genuinely had a great time with you last night, and I want to get to know you.” He kept his eyes on yours the entire time. “So please, what’s your name?” He sounded desperate, as though your name would unlock every story there was to know about you.

“Y/n,” you whispered and you watched in awe as he tested your name on his tongue, several times before settling with a “I like it, it suits you.” Vinnie telling you that your name suits you felt like a thousand suns were shining down on you. You bit your lip to repress the grin that was threatening to grow and instead you settled for a shy smile, praying that you didn’t have anything between your teeth.

“Y/nn!” A voice called, it seemed as though your friend had finished with her promo pics. “I got you a goodie bag-oh,” she paused when she saw the Vinnie Hacker standing beside you. “Hey,” she smiled and fluttered her eyelashes and a boulder dropped into your stomach. Of course, you thought. She’s so much prettier than me, and famous.

He only nodded in acknowledgement with a small ‘hey’, it didn’t deter your friend from asking a lot of questions. You took that as your queue to leave, slowly walking backwards whilst Vinnie’s eyes were on yours the entire time, looking confused as to what you were doing.

You quickly nodded towards your friend, who was still animatedly talking, whilst wiggling your eyebrows suggestively, ignoring the knot in your stomach.

Once again Vinnie looked confused before the dots in his head connected. His eyes widened before he shook his head, something your friend hadn’t noticed as she was too busy scrolling through her TikTok to show Vinnie a specific video of her. He mouthed the word ‘NO’ several times whilst staring at you with his wide eyes.

It was kind of endearing to watch him panic. A chuckle escaped you before he turned to your friend, an apologetic smile on his face. “Excuse me,” he said softly, eyes still on you before walking towards, grabbing your hand with utter care before he led you inside the building.

He stopped in an empty hallway, staring down at you with a smirk on his lips. “Trying to set me up with your friend,” he murmured lazily, eyes tracing your lips. “When you know fully well that I’m interested in you…”

It felt like a fever dream, and you had to mentally force yourself to focus on the situation at hand. Is Vinnie about to kiss me?

“You don't even know me,” you retaliated, a frown on your lips, your lips of which he still stared at. He shrugged at your answer, a serious look taking over his face. “So let me,” he began. “Let’s get out of here.”

You shook your head, “I can’t just leave my friend-“.

He interrupted you, “your friend who seemed very busy, in fact, I recall you standing by yourself.” You had nothing to say to that except for a gentle nod with a smile on your lips. Vinnie grinned in return before tugging out of the building and into his car. You had sent a simple text to your friend-‘ i’m going out, don’t wait for me <3’

————————-

Vinnie treated you to McDonalds, once again and took you to a look out, the city of angels to stare at whilst you both ate. His shoulder touched yours as you sat on the picnic blanket filled to the brim with greasy and mouth watering food.

“So tell me, how come I can’t find you anywhere?” He asked, his hand playing with yours, twisting your rings. It created a warm feeling in your stomach.

“I’m a private person,” you began, hearing Vinnie murmuring a ‘couldn’t have guessed,’ and you nudged your shoulder into his playfully, drawing a laugh from his lips. “I guess, uhm I don’t see myself in the spotlight, having people constantly judging my every move.” He nodded in agreement, looking lost in thought.

“I can understand that, it’s just unusual to see someone not famous in parties held by influencers.” You nodded, agreeing with him. “My friend is pretty famous and always makes me her plus one.”

“I like it though,” you stared at him confused whilst he stared at you with a small smile on his lips, almost looking shy. “Like what?”

“I don’t know, it’s hard to explain…” he looked lost in his thoughts.

“Try,” you pushed, his hand tightening around yours.

“I like that I can pursue this,” he gestured whilst you stared at him with wide eyes. “That you’ll be somewhat safe from the onslaught of comments you would’ve gotten if you were a public figure. This feels normal to me, y’know. Like it’s not for show, it’s just me and you.”

“Me and you?” You asked with a grin, his smile grew and he gave you a wink, “of course, this is our second date after all.”

“Is that so?” You bit your lip when he leaned towards you, his lips so close to touching yours, before he planted a small, almost phantom-like kiss on them. “It is so,” he gauged your expression before ultimately seeing the contentment in your eyes, and pressed his lips to yours firmly. You felt his hand grasp your cheek as he tilted his head to gain more access.

You were both breathing heavily before you disconnected your lips, but Vinnie took it upon himself to kiss your cheeks before traveling down your neck, leaving you even more breathless.

“I’m taking you on dates everyday this week,” he breathed into your neck and you felt your eyes roll back from the sensation and his sultry voice.

“I expect you to-“ he stopped you from talking with another kiss. “Shut up and kiss me,” he ordered and you did, for several hours, the once bright sun in the middle of sky, now dipping down on the horizon covered by the Los Angeles skyline.

[wokelander]

THE FIRST TASTE !

ft. re2r!leon s. kennedy x fem!reader

tags. p in v sex, canon typical gore/violence, zombies, non-con, dub-con, leon gets held at gun point, slight age gap, leon is infected but not fully a zombie yet

note. awful attempt at breaking through writers block I hate this so bad the reader changes personality like 8 times and the smut is dry.. feedback n rbs always appreciated um again sorry ab the monotony.. um the beginning part is meant to be like a flashback but idk! also this might be gender neutral reader? I haven’t gone back and checked but I put fem just in case 😭

You’re thirty years old and a virgin. This is important for two reasons.

It’s the end of the fucking world.

The only man left in the world, that you know of, is succumbing to a zombie virus.

“Leon S. Kennedy!” He had said, stuck his hand out for you to shake - didn’t get the hint until you reached over to physically lower it for him.

“Yeah, okay, I don’t need your life story—Can you back off a little, rookie?” You had asked, and he frowned, something that looked out of place on a face like his.

For a moment, you thought that you never wanted to see him sad again.

“I told you my name,” Leon pointed out, it was nothing more than genuine confusion, but his perfect teeth irked you.

“I didn’t ask for it.”

He stuck to you, less like glue and more like grease on a kitchen backsplash. He grew on you in all the wrong ways. Like leg hair.

So you told him to back off, that you weren’t a team, and this stubborn little shit refused. You didn’t like his boyband haircut

“I don’t need a guide dog.” You shouldered Leon out of the way when his body eclipsed the entrance into the kennels. “Or a guard dog.”

You didn’t like the way his uniform fit so well. It took you years to grow into yours, to not look like you were playing dress up in your father’s closet.

Ultimately, he shot the dogs in the head, you didn’t have the heart or the stomach.

You told him their names.

Duke was a month short of his first birthday, Toffee was his mom. Alice wasn’t fit to be a police dog; she wouldn’t hurt a fly.

He said that he always wanted a dog, a bloodhound to be specific, but his mother was never fond of them and he loved her too much to go against her wishes.

You said that it was better off he never got one. “‘Cause look where you are now, rookie.”

He agreed and soldiered on.

The flickering sewer bulbs cast a halo on the crown of his head, twilight glow shifting shadows over his face. You had to take a breather, back thumping against the wall, a film of mucousy slime coating your uniform.

“Are you okay, Sarge?” Leon sloshed towards you in the water, and then his eyes went wider than humanly possible, white-knuckling his torch, the beam of light trembling as he struggled to shine it on a fixed point.

“Rookie, are you okay?” You edged towards him, caution lining your every move, a hand placed on your holster.

You heard it before you saw it.

The wet and somewhat primal sound of lifeless hunger.

You were trembling too much to grasp your gun, so you crushed its skull under your boot like a snail shell.

It left a blackened tooth in his calf, you pluck it out and it skims the water like a pebble.

You don’t care for him past his face.

You don’t.

You really, honestly, seriously couldn’t give a damn about the rookie. If you weren’t such a good fucking person you’d leave him here to rot with the rest of Raccoon City.

“Shit, Leon, we need to get you out of here.” You support him to the best of your abilities, he grasps at your shoulder - he’s as heavy as he looks.

“You remembered my name.” Leon’s smile is all shiny teeth, you count every last one, and then you start to pray under your breath. “Are you religious, Sarge?”

“No, I’m fucking scared, rookie.” You can’t help the nervous laughter that racks through you like a shudder, it splits you down the middle.

“So why are you praying?” Is he dead fucking serious right now?

“Because I’m scared—Jesus, Leon, this isn’t the time for fucking questions.” Your boots are soaked in sludge, nothing but trench foot is on the horizon as you force him up that ladder and back onto the streets.

His bite mark oozes something nasty, something old and new and borrowed and blue.

Jesus Christ, is it pulsing? That thing has a heartbeat.

You feel sick, tearing your sleeve to craft a bandage as you kneel down to wrap his wound up. The blood soaks through, he smells sick. Hot like he wasn’t before. Hot like humans aren’t meant to be, like the last spark in a furnace before it goes out.

“But if it means nothing to you then it won’t help.”

“It’s just… It doesn’t matter right now, okay? We can talk about that some other time.” There won’t be any other time. He’s going to die here and you won’t know what to do. You still say it to him like a promise.

You retrace your steps no matter how much he insists for you to go on without him.

Get out of here—Go find Ada, please. Claire, I met a girl named Claire, she might still be out there, Sarge, please go.

But he doesn’t understand that his hope is misplaced. You were never trying to find your way out of this place, you were going to find a nice hole to crawl into and die. You were looking for a good wall to splatter your brains on. You don’t care about who did this, who started this, you don’t want to find Ada.

Ignorance is bliss and you live by that.

You didn’t join the force to save people - you joined the force because it was the only place that had an opening.

Fuck, you’re a fucking virgin.

You’re going to die a virgin.

And the thing is, you were at peace with your virginity, your pussy is past its sell-by date, you were cool with that.

Then you had this stupid fucking thought that maybe you could get out of here and fuck the rookie silly—It’s the end of the world, he’d have no choice but you.

Now he’s gone and ruined it all.

Leon S. Kennedy with his watery blue eyes and fuck-me moles and doll lips and stupid fucking chin. He’s like Clark Kent, but you’re definitely not Lois Lane.

“I’m only—“

“Please, stop talking,” you cut in before Leon has the chance to say something stupid and endearing to make him all the more lovable and missable and fuckable.

He’s cycling through his grief. That’s the thing about Leon, he’s on autopilot, for a split second he’s mad and then he’s sad and then he’s back to where he was. It’s like he deliberately chooses not to think about things until he absolutely must.

The faraway gurgling groans of undead officers befallen by some cinematic illness and the buzz of the light bulbs give the main hall a liminal quality. You set him down on the seat where Marvin’s laptop is, congealed blood crusts over the keyboard.

He lays dead a few feet away, his head blown off by a gun you find is affectionately named Matilda. The rookie is a movie buff - you pegged him as a sports fan, but you misjudged him. He’s like the lead in a fucking rom-com, they always have to be a little sentimental, have some weird quirk that makes them seem down to earth.

“Sarge.”

“Leon.” You squeeze his shoulder, begging him to be quiet, to let you think, to just give you a split second. “Fuck, we need to get it off before it spreads.”

“No way,” Leon huffs out a laugh, it rattles in his chest, ricocheting off his ribs like a bullet.

“Yes, Leon, it’s literally the only fucking thing I can think of right now—“

He takes your hand in his clammy one, the pink is gone from his cheeks. “You need to go on without me.”

No, no, no.

This isn’t fair. It’s not meant to happen like this. You’re supposed to get your happy ending and ride off into the sunset for once in your miserable fucking life. You’re meant to find a safe house or an evacuee camp and fuck the shit out of him in one of those flimsy tents where everyone can see your silhouettes, where everyone can hear you and they know what’s going on, but it’ll be hush-hush by the morning.

“Don’t say that, Leon, if I find something—Maybe from, shit, I don’t know, from the STARS office, we could hack it off—“

Leon cups your cheeks, you feel his breath on your face, he smells of the sewers and something worse. You blink at his pallid face, the feverish gleam of sweat in the yellow lights, cloudy eyes—Holy shit, he still looks good enough to eat.

In a matter of minutes, he might think the same of you.

“You can make it out of here if you follow Ada, she wouldn’t let you down like that, I don’t want you to stay here and, and die here, Sarge, I really like you—You’re so cool, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted to be actually.” Leon takes a shaky breath, you look for comfort in the lines of his palms - his life line is broken.

“Rookie… You don’t seriously think she meant it, do you?” You pretend he didn’t say all those things, it’ll only make what you’re about to do to him harder.

“Of course she did, she has no reason to lie to us, to me.” Whether he’s blinded by her ass or he’s just plain stupid, you don’t know.

“You’re so… You’re too nice, Leon.” Part of you aches for him, he wouldn’t be able to handle the truth. The blackened underbelly of the RPD, your shitty chief and his knack for girls that don’t ever look legal.

Maybe this is for the best.

“I’m not—You need to find her, she can get you out of here.” He’s not taking no for an answer. He never has, he stuck to you like a shadow and now look where he is.

“She was dressed like fucking Inspector Gadget, rookie, are you kidding? I’m—“ A chill runs up your spine, you shudder visibly when you press your gun to his forehead. His skin is sagging. You could wear the bags beneath his eyes on your arms, you could stretch his skin like spandex. “I promise I’ll be quick, Leon.”

Leon takes Matilda from his holster and offers her up, you cock her and take aim.

“Oh, Leon.” You almost feel bad. Almost. “I’m sorry.” For what happened to you, for what’s about to happen to you.

“It’s not your fault,” Leon says softly, his eyes are more grey than blue. Gunmetal grey.

Your plan is stupid. Whether you shoot or not - Leon is dying. There’s no need for him to fear a bullet—Christ, the bullet is better off, he might as well beg for you to kill him.

“Take off your shirt, rookie.” You tap Matilda against his temple, her muzzle is a cold warning or a feint.

“What?” He blinks at you, wondering if that’s really what you asked of him. “Sarge, I don’t think I…”

“Take off your shirt, rookie,” you repeat in a trembling voice.

“What has that got to do with this?” He’s making that face again, tilting his head to the side like he’s a dog, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep that fogs his head.

“God, Leon, you need to stop doing that, y’know?” Your jaw is offset, back teeth pressed together in a show of agitation. He plucks at your last nerve.

“Doing what?”

“Asking questions!” The metal is growing warm in your sweaty hand. He’s exhausting. Being handsome must go hand in hand with stupidity. “You ask too many fucking questions!”

“Because I'm confused, Sarge!”

“What is so confusing about that, rookie?” You ask him, brows knit together, “I’m asking you to take off your fucking shirt, if you can’t follow that I don’t know how you’d last a day on my team!”

That seems to shut him up. Leon hesitates and then he pulls the riot vest over his head, it drops to the floor with a dull thud.

“Good… Good boy.” You sound like you’re praising a dog, nothing like those raunchy older ladies in pornos. “Now the, like, all the accessories.”

Leon’s face twists in confusion.

“The fucking hip pouches and belt rookie.” You wave the gun around like a conducting baton. “Then your shirt, your actual shirt, not the fucking vest, the shirt, okay? Understood?”

“Yeah, I get it,” he says shortly.

“Don’t get snippy with me, rookie.” You’re good at the bossy old bitch voice though. The belt drops to the ground and the pouches follow, a few bullets clatter on the marble.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this, I thought you were…” Leon shakes his head, as if the thought of you doing this to him is too much to bear. His movements are erratic, he can’t undo his buttons and one of his fingernails peels off in the process. He doesn’t notice until you point it out.

It won’t stop you.

Look at you, following in the footsteps of your good ol’ chief. He’d be proud of you, forcing a man ten years younger than you into sex. You’re lucky you’re not especially pretty, you didn’t have to suck his jacked up dick to get a place on the force.

“Stand up, rookie.”

He stands, swaying from side to side as he tries to focus on your face.

You place a hand on his chest, he’s clammy like a dead fish, sweat beading his forehead, there’s a spidery vein running along his forearm. Leon’s softer than you thought, his body gives way to your touch, dimpling beneath your fingertips when you grasp at his pec and squeeze.

“Sarge—“

“Shut up, rookie.” You’re breathing harder than he is. Holy shit, this is like real. You’re touching him for real.

“It hurts, Sarge, I’m sorry.”

“I’m being gentle,” you tell him, curious hand groping at his other pec, thumbing over his hard nipple.

“I know, but it hurts, I don’t know why.” Probably because he is turning into a monster beyond your scope of understanding. Probably because his skin is going to rot off his bones.

“Hey, don’t cry, rookie.” You ease up your hold on his pec.

“I’m not crying,” Leon says, he stares at you, unflinching.

“It’s okay to cry.”

“I’m not crying,” he hisses.

“Are you annoyed at me or something, rookie?” You shift from one foot to the other, like you just asked him on a date and you’re waiting for him to say no.

Leon looks at you like you’re crazy, the words settling in his eyes now wide with disbelief.

Bad question. You would be pretty annoyed if some ugly dude held you at gunpoint mid zombie transformation and forced you to strip.

You wouldn’t mind if it was a cute guy though. You bet he wouldn’t mind if it was Ada.

“Okay, rookie, the pants now.” You point your gun at his dick. “Ah, ah, the boxers too.”

His silence is more terrifying than anything, it’s not much of a defeated silence, it’s quiet loathing and the weight of betrayal.

“Look, I’m sorry, rookie,” you say in the voice of someone who isn’t sorry at all. But that’s just your voice, you just sound a little bitchy, honest to god, you’re sorry as hell. “You’d get it if you were me.”

“I thought you were cool,” Leon says quietly, looking down at his wet socks or his soft dick. You can’t tell.

Cool.

God, that’s such a juvenile word. Cool is what you wanted to be in middle school. Cool is what you wanted to be all throughout high school, and now a whopping twelve years later you’re getting validation from the guy you’re about to rape.

In the middle of a zombie fucking apocalypse, might you add.

“I think you’re cool too, rookie.” You try to swallow the lump in your throat, but it swells and persists. “I think you’re really fucking hot actually, rookie, I kind of...”

Your voice falls away.

I hated you for it at first, but then I really started to like you, and now you’re dying and I don’t know what else to do.

Leon’s frown is more of a pout. He’s so young. There’s no wrinkles on his forehead, but he has a smattering of freckles on his cheeks, they give a somewhat healthy appearance despite the greying of his face.

“Sit down, rookie.”

He pulls a face and then sits, crossing his arms over his chest. His dick hasn’t fallen off yet, you’re glad about that. Leon’s body still being in one piece is simply an added bonus.

You make quick work of your water-soaked trousers, and your underwear follows, doing your best to toe out of them in your heavy boots.

You might be wet, or you might be sweating, or is this sewer slime? Whatever it is, pussy juice or not, it’ll do as lube.

That dick of his is soft. Embarrassingly so. You’re naked, shouldn’t that be enough to get Leon going? Or are you seriously that undesirable?

Your weight on his lap makes him groan, you pretend not to hear it, blaming it on the virus making him weaker. You’re not that heavy. You’re not. He’s just trying to make you paranoid.

“Oh, wait, wait, wait!” You stand back up and relief floods his face. Rude. Fumbling, you take the pair of handcuffs from your belt. If you can’t use them to get laid or while getting laid, then what use are they? The former has certainly never happened, so you’re going to make the latter come true.

Leon doesn’t say a word while you secure his hands behind his back, his cheeks puff out, an expression you notice he makes when he’s in pain. The metal of the cuff erodes his melting wrists, it splinters his bones.

Now you don’t need to worry about him getting ahold of the gun, you place it on the side, lining his soft dick up with your slick pussy and feeding it into you like a straw. It’s very unsexy. The tip is velvety and the shaft is rubbery like a toy. His dick is mottled purple in the way dicks shouldn’t, you bet it was pink before. The same pink as his nipples and the tip of his nose.

You don’t feel anything.

It’s not special and there’s no sparks and all his dick does is make you feel a little less empty. So you roll your hips forward and he jolts, dick perking up and hardening inside of you. Against his will.

Leon refuses to look at you, he finds a fixture on the ceiling and stares at it while you find the right pace, lifting up off his cock, the head pops out wetly and then you sink down on it again, bottoming out with a squelch.

You brace a hand on his chest, the other between your thighs, a few fingers rubbing firm circles into your clit as you fuck him so hard you’re sure his cock is ready to fall off.

You would take it with you, keep it inside of you maybe.

“Leon…” Your lips ghost his when you whisper out his name, shuddering with the force of your orgasm, it starts in your tingling toes, warmth lapping at your ankles and then it washes over your body like a gentle wave.

His eyes are shut. He’s unmoving.

You think he might be dead, but then Leon’s dick twitches to love inside of your clenching cunt, and you feel him throb as the leaky slit dribbles a generous helping of cum.

Not the worst feeling in the world, you could get used to it, but there’s no time for that.

“I’m sorry, rookie,” you tell him again, panting as you shimmy back into your pants, “I’m sorry, I seriously am, I just need you to understand that I’m not… You didn’t do anything wrong, okay?”

Spit bubbles spill from the corners of his cracked lips, Leon uses his arm to wipe them away. “I know I didn’t do anything wrong,” he mumbles.

“Okay… Well, I’m glad you know that.” You take Matilda and you point her at Leon’s head for real this time, it’s not an empty threat. “I like you a lot, rookie, I think you’re really cute.”

He smiles, albeit sadly, and you know he’ll never be the same again. But, you’re putting him out of his misery - Leon won’t need to go through anything at all ever again.

The gun clatters onto the floor as you’re lifted off your feet and into the air. It’s a man whose physical enormity is unimaginable to you. There’s no fixed point at which you can stare to look away from a face with all the colour wrung from it. His silence is more imposing than his size. Your bones crack in his grip, he squeezes the life force out of you and then he drops you on the ground.

The thudding of his footsteps fades, and you’re left to writhe on the ground, face to face with Marvin’s outstretched fingers.

You don’t hear Leon’s gun go off, but you do hear him cry, it’s out of frustration more than anything. The gun is by his feet, but he’s bound, forced to sit there and wait until he rots.

Dark spots appear at the edges of your vision.

It’s an hour later when you regain consciousness, something gnaws at your ankle. The pain that tears through you when you make the move to roll over is searing, your muscles spasm, but you push on. Breath coming out in ragged gasps as you push yourself up on your elbows.

At your feet, a grotesque perversion of Leon eats into you. Milky white eyes and hair fraying, falling from his scalp in gory clumps.

You’re going to lay here and he is going to eat you whole.

[just-some-user-hunny]

I hope Isekai!reader is firmly team green I’m sick and tired of characters born to Alicent being team black 💀 also I need to see her getting along with her platonic yandere FULL-blooded siblings instead of Rhaenyra (I beg you I don’t want to see her around here 😔🙏)

I think it'd be fun to write for team Green, I adore Helaena and Aemond's character, they're so interesting :) I really want to do some stuff on Alicent too, there's so much to get and it'd be fun to navigate what kind of relationship the reader would have with her in a yandere situation. She's really always done what she's been told to do, always following orders, even at her own expense. She's given and given, and although I think she is a questionable mother, I do feel so sad for her because she could have had such a wonderful life if it weren't for the people around her :( for once she has something- someone of her own.

I always see the comparisons of her children representing parts of herself, and for a yandere Alicent I feel that reader would represent the part of herself that dreamed for more outside the confinements of her life. You'd be her joy for life, and she's obsessively possessive over you. Perhaps since you'd be isekaid, you'd have a deeper understanding of her character as a whole. It's like you know her better than herself, and for once she feels seen. Not the heir creator, not the powerless queen, not the screeching mad woman. Just her. Just Alicent. You'd be her precious one, the only person who can see deep into her very soul and not recoil in disgust- only understanding. She needs that. She needs you.

Having her three children as your siblings as well would be another trial of its own. Still, going on the isikai!reader perspective, you've seen them grow up through your screen. Seen the challenges they've endured, so they'd also feel that attachment to you through your empathy and understanding.

Aegon would love you because you listen to him. He's seldom met with your eye rolls or enraged scoldings, and he deeply appreciates that. With you, he can smile. Genuinely smile. The one that makes his eyes crinkle like crescent moons and his smile lines to wrinkle like the ripplings in a still pond. He practically glows in your presence, like the sun.

Heleana, the sweet girl, often feels that you are the only one who can see her. You listen to her with full attention to her dreamy mutters and ramblings, never once raising a brow or finding her odd. You indulge in her fascination with bugs, and may even join her in collecting them out in the garden together. You two would be especially close, as she can't say she has many close friends like you, the person she can happily call her sibling. She is different, and you embrace that. Embrace her, and that's all she could ask from whilst in a family where she is often ignored.

And Aemond? Oh he is an interesting specimen. He's riddled with loneliness and lack of care, the added fire of his rage and cunning wit creating a frightening combination. He'd be extremely protective over you, often shielding you from harm and consoling you if anything upsets you. He's a little different, because although he takes as much affection and care as he can get from you like his siblings and mother, he also enjoys giving it back tenfold. Taking you out riding under his supervision, joining you in the gardens to read, having you watch him train. Your other family members would most likely keep you locked up tight in the castle to keep you as safe as possible, but he wants to give you at least some taste of freedom. As long as you are kept in his line of sight, of course :)

I may write more on isekai!reader since it's a fun concept, and delve into some more writing on team green. I adore Rhaenyra and team black, but both have plenty to explore and pick apart :)

[d0youc0py]

heyy saw your post ab requests!!

can you do simon and konig seeing their s/o for first time without makeup, but she's rlly insecure and overthinking it, while he's totally clueless bc he doesn't think much of it until he realizes she's acting kinda weird. ending with comfort/fluff plss

“You’re mad at me?”

The question rang through your head causing a flood of confusion.

“What? No Konnie.” You assured.

“Why won’t you look at me? You’re barely talking to me. I did something to upset you.” Those sad blue puppy dog eyes nearly killed you. You rapidly shook your head.

“Konnie I would tell you if you did something. I just”- You cut yourself off. You knew Konig was the exact opposite of materialistic and vain, so you didn’t exactly know how to tell him how you were feeling without getting laughed at. “I’m not wearing makeup.” You said slowly. He squinted his eyes leaning forward. He didn’t stop til your noses were touching.

“I like it.” He stated. “You’re mad at me because I didn’t notice.” He also stated. You rolled your eyes.

“No Konnie!” You couldn’t really even hold back a smile. The fact that he was missing your point completely actually made you feel a bit better. Maybe you really didn’t look that different. “I just don’t feel pretty.” His eyes widened.

“How can you say that?” He mumbled. “I don’t like you saying things like that.” He grabbed the empty plate in front of you and began washing it. He muttered a few things under his breath that you couldn’t quite catch.

“What?” You pressed. He didn’t answer you and continued washing the dishes. Once he was done he sat back down with you. This was a common thing with Konig. Him needing time to plan out what he was going to say. At first it felt insincere- having to plan out exactly what you were going to say to a person. Then you realized it just made him all the more honest. He genuinely thought about things- instead of just giving the first answer that popped into his head.

“What do I call you?” He asked suddenly.

“Schön.”

“What does it mean?” He continued.

“Uh, Sweetheart?”

“No, that’s Schatz.” He said shaking his head. “It means beautiful.” That was enough to make your eyes light up. Schön was his preferred nickname for you when you were alone. It was usually mumbled against your skin, but other times it was spoken so proudly as if it were a fact. He held out his arms for you. You accepted his invitation and crawled into his lap.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered.

“Again.”

“Simon.” You groaned. “Can we do this later? My throat hurts.”

“Do you feel it?”

You paused.

“Again.” He insisted.

“I’m beautiful.” You muttered looking at yourself in the mirror. If anything this was worsening your self esteem. Having to stare at yourself next to your god of a boyfriend. Simon shot you a glare in the mirror.

He thought affirmations would help. After you had a small breakdown in the living room when he said you looked different. He didn’t mean it in a bad way at all, but that’s what you heard.

“When Johnny does this it works.” He muttered back, rubbing his jaw. Flashes of the Scot yelling affirmations to himself in the mirror before every mission flashed through his mind.

“That’s cause Johnny is hot.”

Cue another glare.

“You know what I mean. He just rolls out of bed- so do you. Do you know how much work I have to put in to not look ugly?”

“What did you just say?” His voice was so stern it caused you to jump. “You called yourself ugly?” He looked offended. His molten eyes were hard- but there was something else there. Hurt- maybe anger. Probably both.

“You know what I mean.” You sighed.

“No actually I don’t.” He spat. “Why do you talk to yourself like that? Makes me sick.” He growled.

“It doesn’t really have anything to do with you Si. It’s just how I feel without makeup.” You tried to explain. He wasn’t having it.

“It does have something to do with me. You think I have bad taste? That I’m attracted to ugly people? Well I’m not. I’m not saying I like you just because of your looks, you have a lot going for you, but you sure as hell aren’t here just cause you can make me laugh.” He shot back.

“Well you’ve only seen me with makeup.” You reminded. His brows furrowed.

“You’re still here yeah? I haven’t kick you out. You know why?” He took a step forward holding your face between his hands. “You are one of the most beautiful things that have ever happened to me. Don’t you ever insult my taste again, because I know beauty when I see it. Understand?”

A soft smile spread across his face when your glow came back. You smiled widely.

“Yes Sir.”

[soupdwelling]

npmd headcanons i’m coming up with as i type this also i’m half asleep

richie used to have the craziest magic school bus hyper fixation for like a solid two years

ruth was the kid who just ate random shit all the time like she’s ask to borrow a pencil and when she gave it back it looked like a family of beavers went to town on it

when grace was asked to draw a family portrait in kindergarten she included god like just hanging out in the air above her and her parents

max treated dodgeball like the olympics throughout all of elementary school and he and kyle and jason were the kids that wore basketball shorts in below freezing weather

steph was forced into piano lessons as a kid and did them for like 8 years and her teacher was like 97 years old and his house smelled like mothballs and dust and there was no lighting even though he had like 15 vintage lamps for some reason she hated it so bad

pete has broken the same leg like 5 times he just has one bone that is so susceptible to breaking for absolutely no reason it just does that

grace used to pretend jesus was her imaginary friend she’d sit in the grass at recess and genuinely just talk to the air next to her like it was jesus. which is kind of sad actually

one of richies earliest experiences of gender envy was the main dude from sword art online i forgot his name

steph was one of those girls who like pretended to be a fairy at recess and had like a rivalry with a different fairy kingdom and one time stacy or something betrayed her for the other fairy kingdom because they had their headquarters at a better tree and steph didn’t forgive her for like two years

ruth is super prone to almost drowning. she knows how to swim in theory but she just loves to get into situations near large bodies of water she’s almost drowned so many times

richie has burnt most of the taste buds off on his tongue because he religiously eats warheads and was once dared by ruth to eat as many at once as possible and nearly threw up

pete is an avid roblox player and would never admit it to anyone

max is weirdly good at taking care of fish. he had a beta fish when he was younger and kept it alive for a solid 5 years he didn’t recover for like a year after it died and that event honestly might have contributed to his current behavior it really hit him hard

[bebe-writes-stuff]

Hey lovely!! I love your work and I was wondering if you can do a baji x reader smut with like a friends to lovers where he gets jealous when one of his friends make a move on you as a joke but he can’t take it seeing y/n all happy��� with a. Anna that’s not him and can u please include where someone walks in on them at the end and he says something about how they became a couple like someone walks in and he he’s like “ can you ye out I’m trying to help my girlfriend clean up!” I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHH I have read so much of ur stuff BbBbdbdbbdbd

Ima be honest, I wrote this when I was high so like, idek if this makes sense

Jealous! Baji x Reader (Smut)

Annoyed by your lack of attention, he huffed and puffed, and you still didn't say anything,

"What are you even reading that you are so invested in?" He muttered glancing at your book before pouting and setting his eyes aside.

"Huh, you don't know?" You turned to him and showed him your book cover.

Romeo and Juliet

"Ew, what the hell. Who the hell even reads that in their free time." He cringed at your sappy choice of book taste.

"Shut up will you, it's for the Drama Club. It's the annual play, other schools come and parents also come. I auditioned for fun, but I got the main role, Juliet." You explained, before someone abruptly opened the empty classroom door, it was lunch time.

"Woah, Y/n, did you actually join the annual play?!" It was Chifuyu, he was breathing and seemed...flustered.

"Oh, yeah. how'd you know?" You asked, tilting your head a little worried.

"The flyers are literally being passed out everywhere, look!" He unrolled the flyer and then slammed it on one of the desks.

You took a peek before,

"Woah.."

"Huh?-"

It was you and Ryusei Satou on the cover. You had a dagger in your hand aimed high at yourself as you knelt on your dead lover's body, Ryusei was lying on the floor with poison that fell in drops from his mouth, the tragic fate of Romeo and Juliet. On the cover, you looked just so beautiful, you looked alluring. Your eyes were magnetic, drawing people in with a combination of elegance and genuine warmth. Baji understood why you would be Juliet, no one fit better, you were beautiful both in and out, gentle, graceful, oh he could go on and on about you. He never liked to admit it, he loved you too much. But why was that asshole Ryusei, Romeo, he thought angrily.

The next couple of weeks, Baji has barely seen you. So imagine how he felt when he heard that the entire time you were with Ryusei practicing for the upcoming play. Almost as if you cheated on him, not like you were dating anyway. He didn't mean to stop, he really didn't. But when he heard your voice from outside the theater room, he stopped to listen. Even your voice made him flushed and nervous. However, he froze when he peeked in and saw how Ryusei had you in his arms as he performed dramatically. You were smiling and laughing even. You looked so happy with another guy, it broke his heart. He felt like punching him, or anyone at this point. It was now after school, Chifuyu stopped by Baji's apartment to study for upcoming exams and projects. Then he asked when he noticed how Baji seemed more angry than usual.

"Are you upset that Y/n and Ryusei are gonna kiss?" he shouldn't have said that.

"WHAT, THEY KISS?!" He shouted

"Ohh, I shouldn't have said that..."

"She can't- No- UGHH CAN SHE QUIT THAT STUPID PLAY ALREADY?" Baji groaned, throwing his books to the side before slamming his head on his desk.

"This is so stupid." He pulled onto his hair. He stopped and turned to Chifuyu, who muttered something.

"You got something to say?"

"Baji, she was gonna ask you to do the auditions with her but you turned her down for the gang, Also the play is in a couple days so I think it's too late to pull out now." He repeated himself, a little anxious.

Wait, he thought, was it that one time? Shit, he does remember when he turned down your request, you looked so sad and he promised to make it up to you, which he forgot to do. Fuck.

Now, it was Chifuyu's turn to be worried because of Baji's sudden absences. He couldn't be that affecting because of a silly play, right? C'mon that's Toman's First Division Captain, he can't be acting all childish and clingy when it comes to you, right? Wrong, he was in his room walking back and forth, whining about it.

Baji stayed home the day of the play, until he got a text from Chifuyu.

-- Holy shit, there's so many people at the school dude!"

He groaned and put his phone down, obviously people came. You were too unreal, too siren-like. He heard a knock on his door, it was his mom.

"Chifuyu told me what's been going on. I'm not here to talk to you because in truth, I think you deserve it. You had a chance and you wasted it and made her wait. And you know worst of all, YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT UP TO HER, and here you are being all childish and sad about the consequences to your own actions. If I were you, I would take my ass there and make it up to her." She scolded him, maybe it sounded harsh, but it was out of love, she was sad that he was putting himself through this.

"yeah, LIKE I KNOW HOW. AT THIS POINT, just let them be." He sighed defeated,

"Don't give me that bull. You know how Kei, I know what you've been doing." She said in a smug motherly tone.

He felt his face grow hot quickly as he glanced at the copy of the play he had read.

Stupid, he thought

He heard his mother's footsteps fade as she walked away once their conversation died out. She was right, Baji knew what to do, and he was gonna make it up to you, tonight!

Backstage, you were nervous, shaking even. You were wearing a silky and fancy long nightgown. It was a scene where you are on the balcony of your room confessing your love to the hidden Romeo as he listens to your heart-filled speech. The play was nearing its end, which meant it was closing to where you had to kiss Romeo or more specifically, Ryusei. Which you found extremely awkward. You noticed Chifuyu in the crowd earlier in the play, he was waving and cheering. However, it saddened you how Baji didn't come, he probably had another important gang meeting, you thought. It was the final scene now. You were getting ready to step on stage before you heard some ruckus in the background, before you had time to figure out. The play started and you stepped onto the stage. You talked clearly and passionately, You called out to your lover, this is when Ryusei was to step out and capture you in a breathtaking kiss after some sensual words. You waited, but no one came out. You called out again, nervously.

Suddenly, from the opposing curtain, he walked out. The stage lighting made the moment feel unreal, wait am I imagining this? Why was the one that stepped out of the curtain, it was Baji, it was really Baji. You gasped before you continued with your act. it was subtle but you glanced at Chifuyu who seemed also equally confused. Finally, the play was gonna end, the last scene was a recreation of the Flyer. Romeo and Juliets end. You stabbed yourself with Romeo's dagger as you fell onto Romeo's poisoned body. The crowd roared with 'woos" and cheers as they applauded loudly. You felt hands grip your waist, Baji whispered,

"Y/n, meet me in the costume closet after this. It's important."

What the hell was going on? you thought, first, Baji is distancing himself from you, then he shows up randomly in the play you in AND KISSES YOU. and NOW, he wants to talk to you alone after the play. But if you wanted to find out, you'd have to confront him. It was later after the show now, you were in front of the costume closet, no one was back there. You took a deep breath before entering, Baji was waiting, leaning against the wall.

"Hey Baji, what's up?"

"Keisuke, My name's Keisuke."

"Ookay...Keisuke."

He hated how awkward you seemed around him, he wanted you to laugh and smile like how you were with Ryusei. He sighed as he stood up and approached you, suddenly you were pushed against one of the walls.

"Y/n, do you hate me?" He whispered, coming in closer, leaving little space between your lips.

No, quite the opposite actually, you thought, but you couldn't say that. You just looked to the side avoiding his gaze. He gritted his teeth harshly

"Look at me damnit!" He growled as he forced you to look at him directly.

"Tch, you like this don't you?" He smirked as he toyed with you. He grabbed your face, roughly and chuckled. You glanced at his lips as you both closed in on each other, your eyes locked in an electric gaze, anticipation hung in the air like a delicate melody. The world seemed to pause as your lips met, creating an intimate universe where only the soft whispers of your breaths and the tender exchange of kisses existed. His hands delicately cradled your face, and your fingers entwined in the strands of his hair. The kiss unfolded like a choreography of emotions, starting with a tender exploration and building into a passionate crescendo. Time seemed to slow down, allowing you to savor every fleeting moment of this shared intimacy. Your breath hitched as you felt Baji placing soft kisses and even nibbling on your sensitive neck. The warmth of his lips, coupled with the gentle pressure and softness of the kisses, created the obvious tension and the sense of both of your intimacy and arousal.

"Y/n, I'm gonna fuck you now." He already had his hand in your costume.

"Fuck, your this wet because of me, you're not scared of being caught, You little slut." You whimpered as you rode his fingers,

"K-keisuke, wait- I-" You tried to formulate a sentence but your moans cut you off.

"Uh, Y/n! Baji! Are you guys here?" You gasped as you put both your hands on your mouth, controlling your moans.

"Huh?! What you want, Chifuyu! Can't you see I'm helping my girlfriend change out of her costume, go now!"

Embarrassed, Chifuyu runs out, He sighed,

"You were right... Ryusei."

"Told ya." He smirked as he knew, the only way to get Baji to make a move on you was to make him a little jealous. 

[gilbirda]

Personal coach Red Hood

Another quick one before sleep. This is honestly becoming a fun wind down exercise to relax before bed! I highly recommend just letting the words come as they come and disconnect for a moment.

Shout out to @impyssadobsessions and @emeraldsandamethyst for hyping me up as I write this fic! Thank you for the support!

Part 1 || Part 3 - Part 5

----

Jazz flexed her right hand and picked up the wooden spoon again. Her knuckles were definitely bruised and it was going to be annoying for a day or two. 

She sighed. 

Not even making her favorite soup was proving capable of cheering her up anymore. She kept going back to Hood screaming at her after the bank robbery earlier that afternoon, how he grabbed her and pushed her away.

His constant rejection stung, and she wasn’t stupid — smiling and having a positive attitude wasn’t going to magically change his mind. She tried to prove she was smart, resourceful and strong enough; and if it wasn’t enough for him then there was nothing she could do.

She could try her luck with the other bats, but she didn’t know if he had already warned them about her or something.

Jazz tried the soup and winced. It was… not fine. Tasted slightly burnt and needed more salt. She shouldn’t be cooking while in a bad mood since she was messing even the soup she could do with her eyes closed.

A soft tap on her balcony window made her jump and then chide herself for being so easily startled.

She turned, finding the same vigilante she had been thinking about. What did he want?

He said something, but his voice was muffled through the glass, and with the helmet’s voice modulation she couldn’t make the words. Jazz pointed at her ears and shook her head. The man sighed, given how his shoulders slumped, and took off his helmet.

Jazz’s eyes were glued to the white locks of hair he had at the front. 

“I want to talk.” He said.

She considered him — the disarmed body language, the tense lips that weren’t a smile, his fingers tapping the helmet. She was sad and a little bit mad about the incident that day but…

She checked the soup one more time and sighed, turning off the stove and putting the pot away.

“What do you want?” Maybe she could have said that less like she wanted to bite his head off, but she was tired and mad and hungry. And he had been an asshole to her for the better part of a month.

Hood just stood there, quiet. She raised an eyebrow.

“Your food sucks.”

Jazz took in a deep breath and moved to close her balcony glass door, considering the conversation over. 

“Wait,” he stopped her from totally closing the door, “I didn’t mean that.”

She glared at the whiteouts of his domino mask. “You don’t have to lie, I know I’m not a good cook.”

“Okay, then your food has… room to improve?”

This made her chuckle, but it was more because of the face he made. He looked completely out of place, trying to play nice like this. 

“What do you want?” She asked again, reopening the glass door. This time, she also made a gesture to let him inside if he wanted. Surprisingly enough, he followed, his helmet under one arm. “Want something to drink? I may have some apple juice, but I’m not sure.”

“Beer?”

“Are you drinking on the job, Mr. Hood?” She smirked, enjoying the way he huffed at her words.

“Call me just Hood.” He shook his head. “And I’m fine just like this. I’m not staying long anyway.”

She shrugged. “What do you want?” She asked for the third time.

Jazz watched him shuffle his feet and run a gloved hand through his hair. He was nervous, avoiding her eyes. He reminded her so much of Danny, and how hard it was for him to open difficult conversations.

“After— After you left, I saw the snipers. Thank you.” He added with a small voice. It was genuine. “They could have really turned the situation to something worse, and… and I couldn’t… I didn’t…”

“It’s fine. You were busy.”

He was talking about the guys on the rooftops that she took care of, and the reason why she couldn’t follow him into the bank on time before the lockdown. She tried to explain, but he cut her off so rudely so he might have found them tied up and knocked out where she left them.

He shook his head again. “I didn’t let you explain.”

“No, you didn’t.” What was the point in sugar coating? “You were, and excuse my wording, a grade A asshole.”

He chuckled. “Yeah.” He sighed. “That I am.” He cleared his throat but didn’t speak for a few moments. Jazz waited patiently as he gathered his words. “I’m not a good mentor. I don’t even know what I could offer you. And I’m a ‘grade A asshole’, but… You are one tough motherfucker to keep coming back again and again... And you did me a solid today… I guess what I’m trying to say is—”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, I will be your student.” She smiled and extended her hand. “When do we start, teacher?”

----

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[juuuulez]

📰 | part six: capulet.

info: Carl Grimes x Saviour!Reader, slow burn, enemies to lovers, mentions of past abuse, six chapters in and we are FINALLY getting the tiniest hint of romantic feelings, (y/n) and Judith being cute, more Father!Negan.

summary: You, Carl and Negan cook spaghetti. Annnnndddd that’s about it.

Okay this one is short but also lowkey sweet but also sad…….I just think that Carl in this episode was soooooo cute and malewife I want him so bad.

The trip to Alexandria was uncomfortable.

You essentially ignored Carl the entire way, though he figured that was better than the yelling and scolding. That, and you also hadn’t made Negan aware of the little tirade that occurred in your bedroom, to which he was equally thankful.

Subverting back into your precious attitude, cold and annoyed, you followed both Negan and Carl through Alexandria. It was obvious that you weren’t exactly paying attention, mind elsewhere, mentally preoccupied.

Nonetheless, you shot Negan a little glare when he made Olivia cry, clearly unimpressed at the blatant disregard for her emotions. Still, he only grinned, parading you both back to the Grimes’ household.

It was slightly irritating, when Negan would get like this. Trying to prove a point, whilst ignoring the problem at hand. What most perceived as a good mood, you knew it wasn’t exactly genuine, and with your own dwindling patience there was nothing more you wanted than to leave here, and go home.

Have a bath, maybe. Read your book.

But your frustrations are mirrored within Carl, whomst Negan finds some entertainment in agitating. So, he sticks around. Cooks. Engages the teenage boy in any meaningless activity, simply to get a rise from him, and likely a rise from his father later.

Though… you took some satisfaction from the grumpy look on Carl’s face, forced to wear an apron and roll out pasta. His hair looked much nicer without that stupid hat, and the bandage being gone let you see the true expanse of his pale skin.

Get it together.

However, you were oblivious to the similar light that Carl was beginning to view you in. Each time you’d help out, you would brush the flour off onto the back of your dark jeans, leaving white, dusty handprints on your ass. Without the jacket, Carl could even notice the little blemishes along your arms, some scars mostly faded, others jagged and raised.

As Carl rolled out the pasta, you’d pick little bits off the edges, chewing on the raw dough. It didn’t taste the best, but you were hungry, and it had a nice texture that made you want to go back for more.

“Stop eatin’ that,” Negan scolds, having caught you going back for your third helping of uncooked pasta. “Raw eggs, doll. You’ll get salmonella.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a myth.” You retort, words muffled around the chewy mass in your mouth, letting it melt onto your tongue. When you reach down for more, Carl swats your hand away with the rolling pin, to which you give him the finger and depart.

After all, you’re still not too pleased about the whole ‘trying to shoot you’ situation. Now, he’s denying you sustenance, in the form of raw pasta dough.

Whatever.

You settle down on the couch, laying back with a huff, staring at the roof. It was times like these where you began to question everything. Like, was it really worth it? Yes, it was, because you were guaranteed safety in this unpredictable world. But, God, if it didn’t get lonely. Salvage often came in small moments of banter with Carl, but he essentially wanted you dead, which certainly helped diminish your enjoyment.

“Why don’t ya’ go wake Judith.” Negan suggests, which garners the attention of both yourself and Carl. You sit up on the couch, brows furrowed whilst you contemplate the notion.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” You mumble, still sounding dejected, which spikes Carl’s curiosity. What he would give to know what’s going on inside your head.

Yet, Negan perseveres, still trying to push you out of this slump. “Well, I think it’s a great idea. Could do you some good, doll.”

Not willing to air out all your dirty laundry here, in Alexandria, in front of Carl, you obey. That’s not without a sigh of discontent as you rise from the couch, making it known that you’d rather do anything but.

It doesn’t take you long to find where Judith is sleeping. Or, was sleeping, as the toddler now stands up against the bars, watching the door curiously for whoever has come for her. You bite your lip, standing there awkwardly.

“Hey, there..” You mumble, reaching into the bassinet to pull the girl into your hold, where Judith is quick to wrap her chubby little arms around your neck. “Want some food, beautiful girl? Yeah, that’s right. You’re so pretty.”

You absentmindedly whisper at the toddler, jostling her slightly as you make your way back to the living room.

Okay.. maybe this is kinda good. It’s managed to pull your mind from that dark place, if only momentarily. However, you can’t help but feel a little envious.

You’d give anything for your own sister to be alive right now. Though, at the same time, you felt at peace with the fact that she never had to experience a world of violence and undead.

But maybe hadn’t she died, and hadn’t your mother passed during childbirth, your own life may have ended up differently. No abuse, no guilt. You’d have been a normal kid, with a normal family, and a beautiful little sister.

Too late for that one now.

You sit down on the couch, Judith in your lap. She watches over your shoulder curiously, quietly, whilst your fingers gently rake through her blonde curls. “Such a good girl.” You coo, enjoying the way her big eyes stare up at you whenever you speak.

How could one ever hurt a child? You’d have to be sick. Fucked up. Scum like that deserved to die, or better, suffer.

When Carl walks past the couch, Judith perks up. Her little hands extend, reaching out for her brother, trying to get his attention. Though somber, you smile, shifting a little to help lift Judith upwards and into Carl’s hold.

Seeing the siblings interact causes something to wash over you. It’s there before you can decipher the emotion, and in order to disguise it, you’re quick to leave the house.

The summer’s air is fresh against your skin, warming your arms, legs, face. You blink three, five times, before pressing your palms firmly against closed eyelids. This will not be where you break. Sure, you could have a meltdown at home, locked away in your bedroom. But not here. Not where you were supposed to be a ruthless leader.

You take a moment to compose yourself, pulling your mind away from the past, and back to the present. Now. Where you were supposed to be teaching Carl a lesson, teaching Rick a lesson. The whole of Alexandria.

Rows and rows of houses stand before you, all with their same white picket fences, clean porches. You envy this lifestyle, to some degree, but also know that it’s unnatural. Everybody has that demons, you just need to hide yours better.

The door behind you opens with a slight creek, and you quickly wipe your wet palms against your jeans, which are already soiled with flour.

“You alright?”

Carl is standing there, in the doorway. He must have suspected that something was wrong, and couldn’t just mind his own damn business. For this, you shoot him that same spiteful glare, though he recognises that you’ve returned to not quite looking at him, either letting your gaze fall onto his forehead or shoulder.

“None of your business,” You sneer, pushing past Carl in order to enter the house once more, mentally putting your walls back up. “Haven’t you got chores to do, housewife?”

This causes Carl to frown, looking down at the apron he’s still wearing. He’d forgotten it was there, but now fumbles behind him to untie the fabric, abandoning it over a stool in the kitchen. He’d wash it up later.

For whatever reason, he persists, following a few paces behind you.

“It wasn’t about you,” He begins speaking, though you fail to catch on right away. “I think… I wanted to shoot you to prove something to me, not to you.”

This again?

You just wanted to forget about it, at this point. The longer you stewed on the brush with death, the worse you felt. Well.. if you could even call it a brush with death, for you’d known the gun was unloaded.

But if it was loaded, would you have still taunted him like that? Probably.

Maybe you secretly liked how Carl fed into your violent tendencies, those inhumane wants and needs. Yearning for something carnal.

“Yeah, whatever. It’s fine.” You say dismissively, just wanting the conversation over with. Luckily enough, Carl seems to drop it.

As the mismatched family sat down to eat, you could feel Carl staring at you, burning a hole into your skull.

You ignored him in favour of eating.

In fact, you ignored him for the rest of the day.

But that night, when you returned home, everything you’d pushed away just came flooding back.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/753405110589259776/note-spoilers-on-this-ask-for-anyone-who-hasnt

I’m this anon, and using your anon box to reply to a bad take in the reblogs of it lol.

1. aO3 treats the show and book series as separate fandoms for Bridgerton. My friend’s genderbend fic though is based on the books — thought I made that clear here. And yes book fans were being genuinely homophobic in her comments, not just her interpreting them not shipping it as “homophobia.” It was full of “get out of OUR tag” and claiming just writing a female character in a male version or shipping her male love interest with a guy was “misogyny,” exactly as I said. It’s a huge problem in the fandom. The main Reddit sub is so full of homophobia that queer fans had to spin out a separate inclusive sub called r/bridgertonlgbt. I’ve heard of people on TikTok being called “bourgeois degenerate” and “groomer” just for questioning why it’s supposedly such a dramatic and horrible change to make Michael into Michaela in the show.

2. Can we finally fucking retire the really tired, knee jerk “book is always better” attitude that has never been universally true anyway lol. The books Bridgerton are based on are pretty middling het histrom that repeat plots so much between them that that’s one of the big changes the show has had to make — just not have seasons 1 and 2 follow the same plot beats like books 1 and 2 did. The show has had to make a lot of changes just because it has a bigger audience than your average het histrom reader and while I haven’t loved every shift, it is overall better for it. Or just like, focusing on more than just each season’s main couple like the books only do — also better! The subplots are some of the most fun parts of that show, but also, it makes sense that people are going to continue to want to follow their favs from season to season and not just zero in on each couple. Yes I’ve read all the books. They simply are just not that great, TV is a different medium than books anyway and so certain changes are necessary, and frankly most of the loudest parts of the “book fandom” online who complain about the changes are people who read the books because of the show anyway. They’re all wildly inconsistent in what they consider acceptable changes: they’re largely on board with making the universally white books more racially diverse, but not adding queerness and gender diversity. Why is one ok but not another? Especially when a lot of them are ok with sad or bittersweet queer stories in subplots like Brimsley’s but not happy stories for main characters. Why is that, I wonder? A lot of people are pretending to be “book snobs” as a mask for bigotry, or just have bad taste, but regardless I think we need to get over the idea that stalwart defense of some mediocre and overly tropey romance novels is more elevated or intellectual and like the show isn’t an improvement in being less lazy about the cliches of that genre than the original author. (Seriously, I read a lot of romance novels, so this is not a knock on the genre as a whole or its readers — but the Bridgerton books are SO lazy and SO repetitive. Honestly I think a lot of the book defenders need to read more histrom themselves. Then maybe they’d see how weak and lazy those books can be compared to what else is out there.)

Fandom please learn basic things about how adaptation between different mediums works 2k24 also stop assuming that consuming a story in text form over another is an inherently intellectual activity

--

A pretentious friend of mine who loves Shonda Rhimes was going on at me a while ago about how she ~always reads the book first~ and then waiting for applause as if that's unusual!

She then tried to launch into how shocked she was by the books being... well, lowbrow trash, but she had some complex and boring way of explaining this.

I was like "Honey, you do know what a regency romance novel is, right? Right?!"

I mean, there are adaptations that are nearly exactly like the middle tier of romance novels. They're movie length and they air on Lifetime. This was a change not only of medium but of overall target audience and vibe.

[bunnypansy]

NSFW Alphabet: Trey Clover!

Rated R, for EXPLICIT CONTENT!

A short script covering the ABCs of Trey Clover's sex life!

Featuring: Trey Clover, and you!

Beware! This film contains: sexual content obviously, mentions of size kinks, mild stuffing, mild degradation, praise, cum eating and mild exhibitionism, gender neutral reader

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

AFTERCARE KING!!!! Trey prepares what you’ll need after sex beforehand, like in a little first aid kit by the bed. There’s a washcloth in there, granola bars, water, disinfectant wipes, bandaids- you name what you need and he’ll have it. That doesn’t mean he isn’t romantic either! Trey will press little kisses anywhere he paid extra attention to during your “session”, tell you how well you did and how pretty you are. Overall, Trey is quick, but thorough! Doing everything that needs to be done so you can both get some rest; he’s just the perfect man

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I feel like Trey is partial to necks? Weird but hear me out. I don’t think he’d mind a total door of a partner, but he likes a nice, shapely neck! Perfect for biting, tucking his head into while cuddling, tracing while yall fuck-

For his own body? Probably hands. I think his hands are big and his fingers are thick, and he just loves how they look on your body. He’s fairly strong so he can easily leave hand shaped bruises while gripping your hips, and can finger-fuck you brainless without breaking a sweat. Trey definitely considers his hands his greatest assets

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Trey. Is. Well. Hydrated! His cum isn’t watery per say, but you’re not about to be chugging toxic sludge with him- think glaze, yes this is intentional. His diet is pretty good (besides all the sweets), but he very genuinely offers to use Doodle Suit to make his cum taste better. I think he cums a fair amount? Not a bucketloads, but also not sad little piddles. Trey prefers to his cum on your body rather than in your body, so he’ll usually pull out and cum on your stomach or even your mouth- bastard will even cum in a condom, yank it off and then empty the contents into your mouth

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Would love to fuck you in semi-public places; kitchens, bathrooms, libraries. The risk of getting caught is something he gets off on, and the idea of teasing you for being too noisy has blood rushing to his dick- he’s scared to tell you though, because he doesn’t wanna freak you out

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Experienced? No. He’s too busy, honestly. I think Trey’s messed around a bit, a handy here, some dry humping there, but he has definitely not gone all the way; I think he’s a bit traditional in that he’d like his first time to be special

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Trey prefers being able to see your face, so he prefers the mating press; he likes to show off his strength by pinning your legs up high, and feels like he can get really deep in this position. I think he’d like a full nelson once in a while, but only if he can get you in front of a mirror

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Trey definitely sees sex and a fun and intimate way to bond with his partner, so there’s room for humor! He’s not usually the type to crack jokes, but if you say or do something funny, he’ll pause and laugh a little bit too

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Carpet does indeed match the grassy looking drapes (insert “mowing the lawn” joke here). He’s not the type of guy to be hairless down there, but he keeps it short, clean and well groomed. He’s got a happy trail, but regularly shaves it off- TELL HIM TO STOP!!!

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

While Trey doesn’t get overly sappy during sex, he does have moments where he absolutely melts for you and it shows very very clearly. He’ll press even closer to you, murmur sweet things to you and place a few new hickies on your skin

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

His libido isn’t crazy, so I don’t think he’s super into masturbating; but every now and then (I say every 1-2 weeks) he gets the urge and decides to rub one out. He’ll take it slow and really try to enjoy himself, rather than just get his rocks off and get over with it- however this is all before you’re dating, afterwards is a bit of a different story. Trey gets needier after you enter a relationship, so his once every two weeks turns into 3 times a week if you guys are regularly fucking, and more if you aren’t

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Size difference: He likes feeling like the strong, dominant one in the bedroom, having a partner he can manhandle makes him feel good

Mild Exhibitionism: Trey likes showing off, simple as that. His more teasing and dominant side comes out in the bedroom, so having people stumble in on him fucking his beautiful partner makes him embarrassed, yes, but also kinda extra horny

Edging: Mans. Is. A. Tease. And I won’t hear otherwise! He needs control over things and your orgasm is one of them

Mild Stuffing: Wait let me explain- Trey is particularly into the act of feeding you, specifically by hand, less about the after-effects of eating. Again, this is a control thing, this guy is a micromanager in my heart

Mild Degradation: His degradation always comes with an overly-sweet tone that makes you feel small, have some sample phrases; “Oh? You got really loud when I hit riiiight here. Oh oh, that feels good, doesn’t it?” “Who knew you could be so slutty, huh babe?” “Hush, you have to be quieter or the rest of the dorm will know you’re a whore.”

Praise: Giving, receiving, Trey likes praise! He loves you and he wants you to know he loves you! Extra points if you praise him too, he feels underappreciated at times

Cum Eating: Trust me when I say that you will be clean after sex with Trey. He doesn’t let a single drop go to waste, and he won’t let you waste any of his cum either. Finish your food (:

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Classrooms after school, specifically right on your desk. He likes the mild risk of fucking you in a public area after everyone is meant to be gone, and the idea that you’ll think of him plowing your brains out everytime you sit there warms his heart… and his cock-

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Facial expressions!!! Definitely!!! He likes the faces you make when he thrusts right into a sensitive spot, or the disappointed look when he edges you all over again, it’s his favorite part of sex

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Food play. Everyone decides this is the number 1 Trey kink, but I say nay! I think baking and food in general remind him too much of his family, and therefore trying food play makes him think of his siblings which is a total boner killer

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Trey definitely prefers giving to receiving oral- he’s bad at thinking of his own needs. He loves giving head tho, it’s the perfect way to edge you and eat your cum at the same time! Not to mention the faces you make when he does something juuuust right. However, he does like cumming on your face and watching you swallow his cum!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

I think Trey always starts with a moderate pace so he can focus on making deeper thrusts and hitting all your sensitive spots, then goes rougher and faster when he gets close to cumming - but he has a tendency to slow down when he feels more emotional and intimate

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Trey doesn’t love quickies, he prefers to take his time to really play with you, but if you’re having sex in a semi-public area, he understands the necessity of ripping his pants off and gettin ‘er done. That being said, a quickie usually leads to him taking you home for a longer, more satisfying session.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Open to experiments! Obviously there are some things he’ll probably say no to (bodily fluids and really harming you), but if you want it, he’ll try it! He’s not the type to spring something new on you in the middle of sex, he much prefers talking it out beforehand. And yes, I will answer the age old question: can you peg him? Yes. He’s not going to suggest it first, as it’s not something he’s particularly interested in, but he’ll try it, and actually ends up enjoying it!

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He’s a one and done kind of guy; after cumming once, he can get overstimulated very easily and Trey is not down for the pain entailed. However, he makes that single round last; does not skimp on foreplay in the slightest and always makes sure you’ve cum at least once before he starts thinking about his own pleasure

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Trey isn’t huge on toys- it’s a little bit silly, but he kind of gets jealous of your dildo. Isn’t he enough?? You don’t need that, you have him. However, he does see the use of a simple bullet vibrator; running it up and down your cock or pressing it to your clit while he fucks you and making you squirm juuuuuust right.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Big tease. Massive tease. HUMONGOUS tease. Trey likes when you ask him for sex, even when he’s the one who’s feeling it; and he’s going to make this your problem. He knows all the subtle little ways to get you hot and bothered, a brush near your thighs here, and a whisper in your ear there- he’s far more manipulative than he lets on! Eventually you’re so worked up from his teasing that you go running to Trey, then he has the audacity to call you needy! The nerve.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Trey mostly pants and grunts during sex, an occasional moan slipping out; but if you can talk your way into giving him the suck? He gets much much noisier, moaning and gasping and even whining, ugh, it’s beautiful.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Kind of fantasizes about you as a househusband/wife. Regularly gets off on imagining himself coming home from work, and fucking your brains out in the kitchen while you try to cook. Something about the domesticity gets him so riled up, and he’s desperate to roleplay it with you, but too embarrassed to ask.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I give him 6.5 inches flaccid and 7 when he’s hard, medium girth. Honestly, his dick is a bit pretty, I think it’s got a little freckle at the base and his tip is a nice peachy-pink that goes very red when he’s close.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

While initially pretty low, his libido goes waaaaaaaaaaay up after you start dating; he’ll be wanting it at least twice a week, if not a couple rounds more- not that he’s going to ask you directly, if he can avoid it. Trey prefers to feel needed, rather than needy, and while he’s fully capable of asking you for sex when he really wants it, more often than not he’s going to wait for you to ask

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Trey has a good amount of time before he knocks out after sex, usually managing to clean you up and get a good shower in before he decides to go to sleep. However, if you’ve both gone for an especially taxing round, there’s a chance he’ll just flop down on top of you and decide to do it later.

That's the end of today's showing! Thank you for watching!

This was mostly me brainrotting about Trey again, he makes me stupid fr

[kqtzvv]

mafuyu x ??? parallels

does anyone notice how many project sekai parallels there are? like i have so much to list out it’s not even funny anymore 😭 (also hear me out, it’s parallels, not similarity)

shizumafu: they both yearned to be seen as perfect by others. they were scared that they would let down others expectations and be seen as a failure. shizuku was about to practically lose herself if she continued like that while mafuyu already has.

mafukasa: both of their goals and motivations started from wanting to make others happy. mafuyu started from her parents (specifically mom), while tsukasa’s started from saki. both of their sekai’s were also made from their feelings and they’re both class representatives. they both have repressed things about themselves (tsukasa with memories, mafuyu with her personality/identity). how people perceived the two were completely different from how they see themselves. they both try to mask their true emotions for the sake of others and reluctant to showing them. as mafuyu’s emotions are slowly getting better, tsukasa’s are going down (debatable with recent events). how their parents cared were different too. mafuyu’s mom would smother her with “love” while tsukasa’s parents (technically) “neglected” him because of saki’s hospitalization (debatable?). tsukasa was neglected, although unintentional because he was left home alone at an age where he shouldn’t have been. they both also had childhood plushies (debatable because the bunny plushie was saki’s technically). also tsukasa probably would’ve ended up like mafuyu if he didn’t have someone who cared and spent time with him, saki. if only mafuyu had someone in real life that genuinely could understand her and care for her when growing up, maybe things could’ve changed, even just one bit?

mafutoya: their parents both pressured them to go so far until they couldn’t do it anymore, yet still they care about them in some way even after all of the things that happened. toya was resented from going outside to play with his friends to practice piano and violin for HOURS until he got it correct, mafuyu was resented from doing the things she liked and going online (seen when mafuyu’s mom threw out her synthesizer and mafuyu’s phone into her aquarium).

mafuemu: both of them suppressed their true feelings and emotions away from others for the sake of making others happy. emu is always seen as this cheerful, happy person who wants to spread joy and cheer to everyone, but doesn’t really share her feelings at all unless it’s to wxs. mafuyu put on this role to be perfect and a role-model to everyone. mafuyu also doesn’t show her true empty feelings unless it’s to niigo. they both bottle up their feelings until they can’t anymore and have no choice but to cry. mafuyu can barely even understand the concept of feelings anymore and is at loss of taste.

mafurui: i’m pretty sure this is less popular since there isn’t that much (nah i js gotta search harder) but rui couldn’t understand his feelings and dreams back then. mafuyu could and now she can’t anymore. it’s like both of their stories are so similar, just reversed. also in both of their focus songs, “cyberpunk dead boy” and “jackpot sad girl” names related too. they’re both seen restricted in their cards, rui being covered with a mask and mafuyu… it’s the strings of a marionette around her (she’s being controlled) and the mask (her true feelings vs her fake ones, the true ones being masked away by the flowers on her head). both of their problems were also caused by intelligence and how no one around them could understand.

might rant more but random pjsk parallels instead

[clovermunson]

morgan, my sweet!! bringin’ on the heartbreak has caught my eye, and i’d love to hear your best fluffy finnick headcanons. what would it be like to spend new years with him? would he love it or hate it?

savvy, my love!! i’m so happy you requested finnick headcanons, because you know better than anyone that i could talk about this man for hours on end and never get tired. he’s got me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. but you’ve asked for fluffy headcanons, so i’m gonna deliver. some of these are just general headcanons, some are x reader, so there’s some variety here, folks.

i’ve included them all under the cut, because it’s quite a bit.

join the party!

— so first off, i think that finnick prefers to stay in on new year’s. he loves the new year because to him that means new opportunities and a renewed sense of hope. he just doesn’t care much for parties, huge crowds, and obnoxiously loud music. not to mention, the capitol really ruined him when it came to those kinda things (i’m sorry that got a little sad). but he much prefers a quiet night in, enjoying your company and most definitely eating all of the leftover holiday sweets so they won’t “go to waste”

— speaking of eating all the sweets, he never passes up the chance to help out with baking. sure it’s a chore to keep him from eating everything before it’s finished, but he does his fair share. he’s just a got a sweet tooth, he can’t help it. “don’t you think i deserve a treat for helping?” he’ll ask as he’s already taking a bite from a cupcake before you even get the chance to answer. and he’s right, he does deserve it.

— finnick can cook at least decently. if there’s a night where you don’t feel like making dinner, he’ll cook and he won’t complain about it at all. but you better believe he’s treating it like he’s a world-class chef and he’s asking you to taste test everything (because let’s be honest, he’s not the best, but he’s trying)

— finnick is a cuddly sleeper. this is just a known fact. if he’s having a particularly rough night because of the nightmares, he’ll nuzzle closer to you and hold you just a little tighter.

— he loves loves looooves having his hair played with. it’s calming to him, and just puts him in a relaxed trance that eventually ends up lulling him into sleep.

— finnick odair is tough. as tough as they come, really. he has experienced incomprehensible horrors and he’s strong and well-built, but he’s the softest, most gentle man to ever live. a big 'ol softie. a total teddy bear, some might say.

— of course i think it goes without saying, but he’s a romantic. so much to the point that it would be nauseating from an outsider’s perspective.

— anyway. i also think it’s a given that he’s scarily protective over his loved ones. which is a little shocking, considering his general calm and pleasant demeanor.

— he’s the most unserious person ever. sure he knows when to be serious, but does he want to always be that way? no, because that’s boring. this man giggled over his own “death”, i mean c’mon.

— this man cannot keep himself away from water. any chance he has, he’s in the ocean because it’s comforting to him to be one with the water.

— he’s the most considerate person ever. he’s always thinking about what his loved ones would think about any given situation, and he’s always finding ways to make things easier for them if he can.

— his primary love language is words of affirmation, because despite projecting such a confident exterior, he’s riddled with insecurities and hearing that he’s more than enough or any receiving any praises in general makes him feel like he’s genuinely loved. but it’s closely followed by physical touch, because he’s also a very touchy person when it comes to who he loves, and he gives the best hugs because of it. what i wouldn’t give to hug this man, my fucking god.

[smilesrobotlover]

List of things you like about Linebeck? rat man <3

Oh man where do I begin.

- I have a soft spot for AH with hearts of gold, guys who are cruel in the beginning and then develop and actually are very sweet, they just had a tough upbringing. I don’t have many thoughts on Linebeck’s backstory, but he is a good person deep down, he’s just annoying <3

- his design is everything to me. Like, he looks so weird and goofy but so sexy at the same time??? Like how??? Also I love Jack sparrow and he def has a more well kept Jack sparrow vibes.

- I’m a HUGE sucker for father figures. Idc what people say Linebeck is a DAD against his will and I will not take any opposing opinion.

- his theme SLAPS SO HARD it’s amazing. It’s one of the few good songs ph has.

- I just love his relationship with Link, the nicknames he gives him, the way he talks to him, the way he carry’s Link as if he weighs five pounds. It’s CUTE. It’s not wholesome but it’s FUN

- there IS a wholesome moment in the game and that’s where Linebeck acts more serious and asks Ciela to look after Link. He cares so much for the kid and really doesn’t want him to get hurt I’m so HH

- the potential for a complex character with him is so fun. I feel like he really struggles with his self worth, he’s one of those people that act all high and mighty but he secretly loathes himself. I feel like the manga really points this out, when he’s possessed by Bellum and he’s about to kill himself, he tells Link to not be a worthless man like him. He thinks he’s worthless and doesn’t feel like he belongs. In the manga he doesn’t like being called a hero because he abandoned his crew. He has a lot of issues that he keeps hidden and I LOVE HIM.

- this man is so pathetic oh my gosh I want to marry him.

- I feel like he longs for adventure and longs to be a big named hero, but he really can’t cuz he’s not built like that. So the adventure with Link gives him a taste of that and he loves it, even if it’s scary he loves it so much.

- the music at the end of the final boss with bellumbeck, I go FERAL. The song dark waters beginning with violins playing a dark tune, then it goes into his theme showing that he’s fighting back, but then his theme starts to get more desperate since he’s losing the battle with Bellum, and then finally he loses. And then the final boss song is SOOOO GOOOD GUYS like the beginning is a dramatic version of the phantom chase, it has trumpets that sounds like Bellum’s battle theme, and then Linebeck’s theme that sounds more sad it KILLS ME OUGH I LOVE THAT WHOLE THINF

-I love how he acts on the sea cuz he’s not a coward on sea, I feel like when he’s on the water he acts how he wants to be. Heroic, brave, competent. He’s so lovely, you can tell he loves the water.

- he can’t swim, like why can’t he swim 😭😭

- this is a little personal but I loathe myself a lot cuz I feel like I’m a pathetic loser who’s completely incompetent and a worthless human being and knowing that I adore a character who is like that makes me feel a little better about myself? It’s complicated but he’s just like me fr.

- I love how before you go to the last dungeon he just, acts really sweet towards you? He tells you to have fun and to adventure and I feel like he really genuinely cares for Link and yeah. He’s such a dad fr.

- he’s such a unique character in the Zelda series. Like there’s not a lot of actual father figures hence why Rusl is also very unique to me, and Linebeck is kinda the same to me. But, I already said this in a post, he’s barely connected to Link or Bellum in any way in the game. He never knew Link, he’s not apart of some magical race, he’s not connected to the ocean king, the only thing he’s connected to is his knowledge of the ghost ship. He’s just some guy and I really love that. Unspecial characters are my favorite. And I know the manga is different but I prefer him being some guy

- we don’t know how good of a father he was but we do know he was a good grandfather 🥺🥺🥺

- in spirit tracks it seems that he did learn to embrace adventure and loved puzzles and stuff, which I think is neat.

- the ending where he wishes for his ship back, like it’s kinda cliche but it‘s so sweet 😭😭😭 he loves his ship more than treasure.

- he got found family’d HARD.

- ok there’s some parts of this scene that I don’t like but when Oshus promises him a wish and he goes full 180 and his music is super dramatic and he wants nothing more than to save the ocean king like he’s so dumb

- I love his banter with Ciela I think it’s so fun, tho I do feel like Ciela is a little too mean, they’re relationship means a lot to me <3

- when he knocks over tetra’s statue like PLS HES SO DUMB.

- he says he’s a lone wolf but he’s really not he wants friends.

- the whole thing with Jolene is so insane and so funny to me 😭😭😭

- his letter to Link after you visit Zauz is weirdly sweet to me like he can’t figure out how to put things into words and he can’t say it in person so he just puts it in a letter cuz it’s easier for him. He’s just like me FRRRRRR.

- he’s so scrunkley I wanna shake him in a pringles can.

- I just love him a lot

[melody-everbelle]

Sweetener (Wally Darling x Reader)

Title: Sweetener

Pairing: Wally Darling x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 350

Warning(s): Sadness and fluff

Summary: Wally comforts you when you have a bad day

Author's Note: 🚨NEW FICTIONAL CRUSH ALERT!🚨

I’ve just started getting into Welcome Home, and I think I have a crush on Wally, and my love for him makes me happy... Anyway, this is my first Welcome Home fanfic, so I genuinely apologize if it’s not perfect. I did my best while also respecting Clown’s boundaries on fan content of Welcome Home (Basically no NSFW content of it)

***

When life deals us cards Make everything taste like it is salt Then you come through like the sweetener you are To bring the bitter taste to a halt

Sweetener by Ariana Grande

***

You had it. You just had it. All of those stressful events from today were enough for you break down in tears. You just wanted the pain to go away. As you sat alone crying, you suddenly felt a fuzzy hand gently stroke your back.

“Hello, neighbor!” You heard a familiar voice. “Everything okay?”

Your crying came to a halt, and you looked around to see who was asking you. Behind you stood Wally Darling, whose eyes displayed a worried look despite his smile. As soon as you recognized his face, you wiped the tears away from your face with your arm, saying, “Well, Wally, to tell you the truth... it’s not.”

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah, but now that you’re here,” you continued, “I’m feeling a little better.”

“Well, I’m glad I could cheer you up!” Wally grinned. “Mind if I could walk you around the Neighborhood?”

“I’d love to,” you giggled as Wally lifted you up from the ground.

You and Wally spent the rest of the day touring the Neighborhood together, from viewing Sally Starlet’s show to laughing at Barnaby B Beagle’s jokes and tricks. As the sun was setting, the two of you arrived at the front of Home, with Wally offering you to stay over at Home for the night, to which you accepted. Before Wally opened the door, you asked “Hey, Wally, can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Y/N,” Wally nodded.

“Throughout my life, it had been so sour and bitter,” you confessed, “until you came into my life. Ever since then, my life had never been sweeter than ever, despite some bumps in the road that came along the way.”

“Why, thank you!” Wally smiled, with a hue of pink on his cheeks. “That’s very sweet of you to say that. You are the most, as I would say.”

He opened the door and let you inside. As you entered Home, you looked up to the sky, saying, “You’re the sweetener to life’s saltiness.”