#but also im not gonna be too bummed out if i dont manage

[whumpshaped]

ok im not kidding im attempting actual nanowrimo- and im writing all 50k words towards ambac mark my words

[angelthebedsheet]

Ok but like imagine a 6’8 black girl walking into karasuno gym while the in practice.

a/n: oooh alr this gonna be a headcannon

lets get it!

okay so ms girl you have some backstory.... some LORE

you used to be apart of the third year gang before you had to transfer schools

the boys + kiyoko really missed you yk?

so today you finally came back to karasuno

esp asahi bc you were his home girl

you already knew your way around and saw some of your old classmates from year one

now baby you are a tall girl

like taller than asahi girl

ya legs were lookin real beautiful

now you were on your way to suprise your babies

you knocked on that gym door and suga peeks his head out like

“hello? who is i— MY BABYLOVE!”

this nigga screamed that shit so loud the third years were ALERTED

there’s only one babylove and thats YOU honey

suga damn near jumps you

like he hasnt seen you in so LONG

“i missed you suga! im back for good now!”

“missed you too!! thats amazing!! also. WHY DIDNT YO ASS VISIT ME EARLIER? I HAVENT SEEN YOU SINCE SUMMER LAST FUCKIN YEAR.”

sugamama’s out and he got your ear.

now kiyoko heard ya voice and that girl was zooming

suga and kiyoko pull you into the gym

second years and first years went

DAMNNNNNNN

asahi ran over there and tackled you in a big ass hug

now there’s a doggy pile of third years

and the rest have never been so confused

they havent even gotten a good look at you bc you got JUMPED by the third years

they deadass dropped their shit to get to you

“babylove its been so long!!” - kiyoko

this alr made nishi and tanaka go like 🤨🕶🤏🏽

like “whom?”

how you managed to avoid them is beyond me but girl you got your ways even tho yous a big bitch

kageyama deadass dont really care that much bc volleyball why tf this rando just bust up in here and take the third years....

n e ways

eventually they pull you up

they’re like DAMNNNNN again

bc GIRL YOU TALL TALL

like you can actually give asahi a forehead kiss

(which you have bc aint no damn way if i was in the third year gang i wouldnt give them affection poor baby prolly touch starved)

nishinoya and tanaka’s simp reflexes have kicked in they are def about to say some lightskin ass shit

daichi’s alr on defense

“ahnt ahnt let me introduce her. COACH UKAI can we take a min to introduce her?”

“...fine whatever just dont take too long”

“alr bet”

(i hc daichi, tanaka, and asahi got that negro in em so if you dont like that then suck my dick and you may think bc i am a woman i dont have one but i have a pink di—)

they introduce you

“this is l/n y/n. she was a first year manager with kiyoko until she had to transfer but now she’s back!” goodlooks suga

“any questions?”

“how are you so tall?” hinata

“ask another dumb question like that and i swear to GOD hinata.” sugamama

“can you play volleyball?” kageyama

“yeah i can. i play with ushijima”

I BEG YOUR DAMN PARDON?

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI??? THE MAN WITH THE POWERFUL SERVE???

“what 😀” asahi

“can SHE PLAY WITH US????” - hinata

tsukishima cant even talk shit bc you really could rock his ass

he gotta look up at you he dont want no smoke lmaoaoao

they were just hounding you with questions now and suga a lil peeved bc damn yall cant pay attention in class and ask all these questions but as soon as our babylove comes in yall suddenly got shit to say? 🚶🏽‍♂️

“she’s hot, tall and plays volleyball? i mean shit l/n senpai...” - nishinoya’s thirsty ass

“ahnt I THINK THE FUCK NOT?” - daichi

oop

during this kiyoko just pulls you to the bench so you can just chat with da girlz

aka her and yachi

yachi fumbling and stumbling

like mamas you lookin real scrum-dilly-ious

“i-im yachi hitoka! nice to meet you senpai”

you’ve already adopted her

“i love you now. kiyoko can i take her in”

“she isnt a stray animal babylove.”

yachi’s a lil like???? yall got a poly thang happenin? is this whats going on?

you saw the confusion in her eyes

“they call me babylove since i used to act like like a lovin mother to em and i had a baby face”

(i suffer from baby face syndrome and istg if someone says i look like a lil kid one more time i’m gonna pop off like the fourth of july fym i look like a lil kid bitCH GET OUTTA MY FA— lemme stop being so aggressive in these)

“ooooh”

now we all know nishinoya is DOWN with the melanin.... and you sittin with the gorls lookin all... tasteful and melaninated.

is melaninated a word? i dont know but i will continue to use it even if it isnt

now he suddenly sitting beside you

“hey mamas”

excuse me? i beg your pardon?

“uh hello?”

stage 1 complete he’s now your simp lmao

“you’re beautiful”

“nishinoya if you dont get yo clown ass the FUCK up over here” daichi’s black ass and sugamama

“dAMN I CANT DO SHIT IN THIS FAMILY”

yeah they missed you and you def played volleyball

they made the mistake of letting you play on the team with daichi, suga, and asahi

you bodied they asses

even coach ukai had to hold in that snicker

you damn near beheaded hinata with that spike

that boy hit a note so high ms. ariana grande was given a run for her money

“YESSIRRRRRR” - you

the slangs are out and kageyama has never been so confused

static? bum ass bitch? tf that shit mean

(ny slang be confusing me too homie its alright)

yall right after they lost

but yeah eventually the first years warmed up to you

as soon as you affectionately patted kageyama’s head he was done for

that boy is ✨t o u c h s t a r v e d ✨

you fussed over yama and tsukki and they were sold

yama bc you were really sweet

tsuki? same reason but he aint telling you he said “im taking that shit to the fucking GRAVE”

das all bc baby im blanking out and i’m doing stupid like kaminari after he short circuits

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

[sunnydaisy1]

Arts and Crafts

SAM WILSON X READER

A/N: there is not enough sam fics on tumblr so here I am. I haven’t edited this i am too tired for life right now. Also please send me requests for marvel especially peter parker, sam wilson, bucky, steve and scott.

You yawned as you walked into the main kitchen and living area the avengers shared. Tony had sent a message round to everyone telling them to gather here and considering that the time was 7 o'clock in the morning you weren't best pleased. Nat was leaning against one of the counters and snorted at your sleepy expression as you walked past her to the coffee machine. You glared at her and returned to your coffee making, rubbing your eyes as the machine started pouring caffeine into your mug. Once the steaming beverage was done, you sleepily dragged yourself to the breakfast bar and plopped down into one of the stools. At that moment, Steve, Sam and Bucky entered the room, obviously having just finished a group workout as they were all freshly showered and wafting man smell everywhere. You rolled your eyes at their annoyingly energetic selves and sipped your coffee. When Sam noticed your slumped form at the bar he smiled softly and walked over to you, scooting into the seat next to you and reaching out to take a sip of your coffee. Unfortunately for you, you were too late to prevent the smirking soldier from slurping a large proportion of your beverage. You grumbled and glared at Sam who passed you back your mug with a cheeky grin. "You look cheery this morning." He said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning onto the counter. "Well sorry mr early bird but some of us don't appreciate being woken up at the crack of dawn for a meeting stark called and hasnt even turned up for yet." You snarked back, causing a chuckle to fall from Sam, "It's quarter past 7 love, dawn was 3 hours ago." You glared at him for what felt the 100th time that morning and felt a small heat rise to your face as you saw the obnoxiously handsome smirk Sam held on his face and the way his biceps were bulging as they leaned on the bar top. "Same thing." You mumbled, draining the last drops of your coffee. Tony walked in and Steve grumbled a 'finally' as you all turned your attention to the billionaire carrying some pastries. He dumped them in front of you and Sam and you both instantly reached in to pull out breakfast. "What's this all about then Stark?" Sam asked as he chewed on his pecan twist. "Ive gathered you all here because we have got a charity event today for some of the schools in the area. You all will be hosting an activity for the kids. We have 2 hours until they all arrive." You grimaced as you vaguely remembered Tony mentioning the charity event a few weeks back but you had been so busy on missions recently you had forgotten. Judging by the similar looks on the teams' faces around the room, you gathered that the event had also slipped their minds. "So... Steve and Bucky you will be hosting the self defense taster down in the gym, a few agents will also be down there to ensure you aren't teaching them anything too aggressive..." Tony continued to list off everyone in the room and ticked off his checklist, "Okay and finally, Wilson and Agent L/N will be hosting arts and crafts in the downstairs hall." At once Sam spoke up, "wait why have I got stuck with arts and crafts?" You chuckled at his distraught expression, he obviously thought he was above painting and colouring. "Why you scared of a lil glitter Sammy?" You giggled and he glared at you, hating the effect that nickname had on him. "No...I just think my talents lie elsewhere." He replied causing you to snort. "Well suck it up Wilson." Tony replied and you saw Bucky and Steve wetting themselves on the other side of the room. Sam had obviously noticed too as he had a huge frown on his face and was scowling at them. "Alright everybody go get ready, all your supplies should be in the rooms already. And remember, 2 hours until they arrive." You sighed and stood up, placing your mug in the dishwasher. Sam was waiting by the door, and you nudged him as you both walked out, "Come on Wilson, cheer up, your stuck with me for 6 hours." Sam groaned and rolled his eyes, "Oh great." When you both reached the room, your eyes widened when you looked at the large pile of boxes brimming with craft supplies stacked in the middle of the room. "Jeeezz." Sam breathed out, walking over to inspect the mountain. You both opened the cardboard box lids and scanned the supplies, "Where do we even start?" You asked, baffled at the amount Tony had ordered. "Guess we just start with one box and empty them until it's all set up." Sam replied and you nodded, tying your hair up into a ponytail. Almost 2 hours later, the room had been transformed into a neatly organised explosion with paint, pencils, glitter glue and many other supplies on each table. "Okay, we have 5 minutes until the kiddos arrive." Sam stated, checking the watch on his wrist. "Cool, I'm gonna grab us some water and snacks from the kitchen. Try not to break anything while I'm gone." You teased and Sam playfully rolled his eyes, "Alright." When you arrived back into the room, arms loaded with bags of snacks, you immediately laughed at how awkward Sam looked surrounded by little kids all badgering him with questions. You quickly distributed the food into one of the empty cardboard boxes in the corner and walked over to Sam, giggling at his wide eyed expression of fear. "Hey everyone!" You said loudly, gathering all the little kids attentions, "I'm Y/N and this is Sam. We are gonna be doing arts and crafts with you today, how does that sound?" At once all the children cheered and you glanced at Sam who stood in awe and fear. "Okay then, lets all sit down at a table and we can start." The kids all ran to a chair and you walked over to Sam, "you okay Sammy?" He nodded slowly, "I don't know what I'm meant to do, they're so small." You chuckled and took his hand in yours, dragging him over to a table. "It'll be fine just relax, they can smell fear," You whispered. Soon, each child was creating some sort of masterpiece and you were sitting with a small group of kids who were colouring. "Wow Amy I love your dog it looks awesome." You commented, making the shy little girl beam. "Thankyou." She replied and you smiled, carrying on colouring a picture you had attempted to draw of an elephant. Glancing up to check on Sam, you looked to see he had a girl sat on his thigh as they both coloured something. You felt your heart begin to swell and butterflies fill your stomach as you watched the adorable scene. The girl was happily chatting away to Sam and he was nodding, laughing every so often and replying to many of the kids around the table. "Could you please pass me the green?" Tom asked, one of the boys sitting opposite Sam. "Yep, there you go." the soldier replied and Tom thanked him before returning to his drawing. The little girl sat on Sam's thigh tapped his arm and he looked down to her, "I want to give this to my Mum when I go home." Gracie said and Sam nodded, "that's very nice of you." Gracie blushed a little and grinned, "you should give your drawing to Y/N, then she could put it on her fridge like my mummy does." Sam glanced down at the image Gracie had drawn of Sam and you together that he was colouring. "I don't know about that..." He said and Gracie frowned, "you should give it to her and then she'll want to marry you and stick all your drawings on the fridge." Sam choked on his air a little, "why would she want to marry me because I gave her our picture?" Gracie sighed as if Sam had just asked the most obvious question there was, "because she loves you." "What? No she doesn't Gracie." Sam replied and Gracie shook her head, "Mummy told me when people love each other very much they look at each other in a special way and you and Y/N look at each other like that." Sam gaped at the little smiling girl on his lap and struggled to form any words at how outright she was being, "Oh urh no I dont think so." Gracie then giggled and said, "Plus Y/N was looking at your bum earlier so she definitely wants to marry you." Sam felt heat rise to his face and Gracie shrugged, not phased at all by their conversation. The pair continued to colour together and the topic quickly changed to the pasta Gracie had eaten last night for dinner. When the last few kids were leaving the craft room as it had eventually reached 3pm, you sighed and groaned at the mess of glitter and pens all around you. "I do not want to clear this up." You stated and Sam nodded, standing up from his chair, "Neither, I never knew kids could be this messy." You chuckled and glanced at the soldier walking towards you, instantly breaking out into laughter when you noticed the large red streak of paint across his cheek. At once Sam frowned and stopped next to you, "What?" You giggled and wiped your thumb across his cheek, showing him the red paint he had somehow managed to acquire. "Oh..." Sam said, rubbing the paint with the back of his hand but managing to just smudge it more. You chuckled and shook your head, "Sorry Sammy but your just making it worse." He huffed in frustration and put his hand down, giving up with cleaning his face, "Oh well, I'll wash it off later." Eventually, the room was turned back into a presentable state with only specks of glitter littered across the floor that you knew would be impossible to remove. You yawned and walked to the entrance, followed closely by Sam who turned the light off. "Im exhuasted." He said, trying to stifle a yawn. "Me too, I'm gonna head up for a shower." You replied and Sam nodded, "Alright, I'll see you later, chinese for dinner." You softly smiled and both walked to your seperate rooms, ready to wash off the paint and glitter encrusted into your skin. When you had given up on trying to remove all the glitter from your hair in the shower, you headed into your room and huddled under your duvet, wanting to catch up on some netflix before dinner. A knock at the door interrupted your series selection and you looked up to see Sam standing at your door, a small smile on his face. "Hey y/n." He said, closing the door behind him. "Hey Sammy, did you need anything?" You asked, confused why he looked so nervous. "Oh uh no, I just wanted to give you something." He replied, walking closer to you as you stood up and put your laptop on your cabinet. "Oh okay." You said, smiling under Sam's soft gaze. He handed you a sheet of paper and you frowned in confusion before turning it over and giggling. Sam rubbed the back of his neck nervously watching your eyes scan the drawing Gracie and him had made. "I know its stupid but I wanted you to have it." Sam said quietly and you looked up at his shy smile, "I love it." You grinned and he seemed to let out a breath of relief, "you can stick it on your fridge." You chuckled and rubbed your thumb over the drawing of you and sam standing together. "Thanks Sammy." The aforementioned soldier felt heat rise to his face and saw your eyes flick down to his lips. "Uh I should probably find Nat... see what she urm wants for dinner." You said awkwardly, trying not to focus on the way Sam was chewing his lip and the tight grey shirt he was wearing that unfairly showed off his chiselled chest and arms. "Oh right." Sam nodded, seeming to break out of a trance and opened your door, "I'll uh see you later yeah?" You nodded and he stepped out, looking at you one last time and giving you a small smile before disappearing down the corridor. You looked down at the drawing in your hand again and groaned, heart and muscles aching for you to run after the tall man and press your lips against his. Instead, you shut you door and walked to Nats room. When you knocked on her door, the red haired agent opened it with a knowing smirk on her face. "What's Wilson done now?" She asked and you groaned, stepping in to her room. You held out the drawing he gave you and Nat scanned it quickly before looking up at you in confusion. "Why have you got a drawing of you and Sam?" She asked, frowning. "He gave it to me." You sighed, causing Nat to laugh. "He gave it to you?" You nodded and Nat grinned, "wow he is so in love with you." You rolled your eyes at her sarcasm, "Wow thanks Nat. But seriously how am I meant to refrain from jumping his ass when he keeps doing adorable stuff like this?" Nat laughed and handed you back the paper, "You just need to go and tell him or you'll spend the rest of your lives dancing around each other and not doing anything about it." You sighed, "I know. But what if he doesnt like me back then I've just screwed up our friendship and the team dynamic." Nat nodded sympathetically, "I know it's scary but come on that man loves you to death and somehow everyone but you can see it." You looked down at the drawing again and nodded, "Fine, but if i end up dying on the spot from embarrassment after his rejection I'm blaming you." Nat rolled her eyes and pushed you out the door, shouting a 'good luck.' You nervously walked down the corridor and up the short staircase to the kitchen. Sam was leaning against the table, looking at something on his phone with a frown. Your heart instantly sped up and stomach did a hundred flips. You walked softly into the shared dining area and coughed lightly. At once, Sam looked up and smiled. "Urm I uh need to tell you something." You nervously stuttered, avoiding looking into his deep eyes. "Oh okay." Sam said, mind instantly running with negative ideas that you were hurt or he had done something wrong. "I urm well I... I think that you're urm." You looked up at him and his concerned eyes met yours. "Please could you uh turn around." Sam's face flitted with confusion, "wait what?" "I urm I cant talk with you looking at me like that." You said and Sam frowned but turned around. "Okay." He softly said, and you scanned his form, trying to build up the courage to tell him. "I guess I well I just want to say that I think you're the most lovely person in the world and I dont think that I could live without you Sam. You make me feel so comfortable and calm me down when I feel like the world is collapsing on me. You never fail to make me smile and I feel like the room lights up when you walk in. I love how kind and sweet you are to everyone but also how you make the stupidest jokes in the world and laugh your head off. I'm in love with you Sam and want to spend the rest of my life with you." You looked up to see Sam turning around to face you. You couldnt bear to meet his eye, knowing any possible friendship was now gone. A soft hand touched your cheek and lifted your head up, making your teary gaze meet his. "I'm in love with you too Y/N and I never want to leave your side." Sam pressed his lips against yours softly, making your heart stutter with happiness. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body against his, deepening the kiss as his hands squeezed your hips tightly. "Hey sam whens the chinese.... oh." Bucky said, his voice trailing off when he saw his best friend passionately kissing you. He wolf-whistled and chuckled, "Took you guys long enough." Sam broke apart from your lips, resting his forehead against yours, "Fuck off Buck." Bucky sniggered and walked out the kitchen again, hand raised in surrender. You opened your eyes to see Sam looking at you, "I love you." You spoke softly, "I love you too" before pressing your lips against his again and smiling into the kiss.

[misterbitches]

i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man

i really fucking do

my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.

his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.

to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.

i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.

we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.

but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.

whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.

i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.

he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.

this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.

artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.

i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao

he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.

RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E1

quarantines diaries: may 26 2020

season 2 episode 1: “The 48″

aaahh yess some elevator music to set the mood....BAAMM excessively loud scary sound. was this really necessary tho. cuz i was wearing headphones while watching this and that shit made my ears hurt. i know im weak like that.

hey! hey! hey! where really is monty??? i fucking swear to god...

i love that clarke goes apeshit for monty. shes gots his back!! i stan.

ooo thats a deep cut. that helmet came off a little too easy. “ill be contaiminated” current quarantine mood girl. mood. clarke is really taking this girl hostage. anything for monty.

what in the world?! somebody say sike. yeah clarke where the hell are you? i would like to know as well

bellamy lives! also what is monroe’s hair. its cool but like how does she do these elaborate hair styles with no mirror. no shampoo. no conditioner. no brush. 

boy finn is not doing well at all. but he still manages to get some water to quench his thirst

what is that? klingon? did licoln really lick that arrow? lincoln be into some kinky shit.

“death by a 1000 cuts every single member of your clan will take a turn stabbing you. and then they’ll feed to the bugs.” that sounds that rough and all but im sorry all i see are the bugs from a bugs life

bane from batman is that you??? wow raven be prepared for that. we love a prepared queen. goodbye bane she said.

no its not ok. murphy. fuck this trope of having no bullets. die murphy. die. why do you keep coming back. i swear murphy is like a cockroach. you think you killed him but he keeps coming the fuck back. at least hes self aware as he says i would have shot me too. 

“im not pressing charges”. ok. maya. no one asked tho. but they still have a justice system?? of all the things that they keep 

ohh these restraint are necessary. you know clarke be out here ready to cut a bitch.

what the hell are they pumping into maya? 

wow dante being a fairy godmother with that box of clothes. he said bibity boppity boo

yess get that heel. resourceful queen. haha clarke “isnt like other girls” when she see a heel isnt thinking wow i would look really good in those. shes thinking i could use that as a weapon. but of all the outfits in that trunk thats the one that clarke picks?

so grounders really be superior beings. natural selection? this just triggered my ptsd from my gen bio class. not a fun time. if im being honest tho i would be probably one of tho people that would be wiped out by the radiation.

solar radiation. so basically these spacers are super human in comparison to these smucks. is this how jasper survived and recovered so quick from that spear? im still not over how the boy was speared but then was fine within like 5 days

he said first give me that heel. dante really is magical isnt he. but i really wished that clarked cut a bitch first before the heel was taken away.

what is this cult? why are all these kids wearing button ups? ummmm this is reaaaaally suspicious. 

is murphy really helping raven? are they giving murphy a redemption arc he literally made a child commit suicide. killed not one but two people in cold blood. shot raven. and hanged bellamy **i know. i know. i know that bellamy hanged murphy first. but we’re not going to talk about that. bellamy is too pretty to stay mad at for too long.

“i don’t want to die alone.” well i dont care murphy. get the fuck out of here. you were the one that shot raven and the reason why she is here.

oh wow that really is a monster. frankenstein’s monster who?

monty and jasper reunited. i love this bromance so much! 

“you’re bumming me out im gonna get more cake”- jasper (19:42) what a mood!! i could really go for some cake rn. i dont have anything to celebrate but do i really need one to eat cake. this also reminds me of the cake in Matilda

low on vitamin D? just drink some sunny d

maya and jasper? octavia? forget her. this girl has cake. *men love a woman that knows her way in a kitchen* 

clarke really wants out. i thought it would take longer than this. clarke really isnt trusting any of this. i mean neither am i. buts thats a lot of stairs 

maya pulling a gun clarke. she got that gun real quick. damn maybe maya is more edgy than i thought

raven and murphy having a heart to heart? the most unlikely pairing yet? but do i crack ship it? fuck it. sure.

is murphy really talking in third person. i thought i could not have hated this character more. i love that after murphy gives that whole my life was rough story. raven said “boo-hoo” (25:35). 

woah KANE is here to save the day but i gotta say i just want to give bellamy a wet wipe. theres so much blood on his face its covering up his prettiness

youre really not gonna give murphy up now raven? he shot you. i guess his pity story worked

yess bellamy!! that is the proper reaction to murphy! fuck your rules. fuck your law. fuck you kane. #free bellamy

ABRAHAM LINCOLN (31:55) you have got to be kidding me. i fucking called it. so i guess this were Washington DC used to be. honest abe is quaking. 

dante has a dark backstory. hes gotta be a villain. hes just gotta

bellamy and finn teaming up together yes please. i love finn and bellamy breaking the rules already. they make a good duo. btw this is such an interesting format of the show both of clarkes love interests are not with her. i hope they have a bromance now. or even possibly a real ship. who knows. cuz its seems like finn falls in and out of love pretty fast so it wouldnt be that ooc in my opinon

dont watch clarke eat like that dante. i get creepy vibez

monty knows magic tricks.  

clarke is buying into this cult a little too fast for me.

camp JAHA **tears**

did not expect to live to see kane as chancellor

really...a baby. ofc this show would. whats worse than a child...a baby.

[muckrakerhq]

PRESENTING … FONDUE FOR TWO, EVERY TUESDAY, HOSTED BY JOEY HUMMEL-ANDERSON.

featuring… this week’s guests, @ivystjamess & @lincolnonline

fondue for two is a weekly internet talk show hosted by joey hummel-anderson. fondue for two, joey, and the muckraker team strive to get all the steaming gossip while he interviews guests of his choice over a steaming pot of cheese.

[Joey's room - once again, Joey sits across from his guests, but this time it's Ivy St. James and Lincoln Clarington-Smythe; Gil the Fish is in the same spot]

JOEY: Hi everyone! Today's guests are very special, since I have here with me McKinley's biggest bitches, Ivy St. James and the new kid that is already more popular than Fiona Beckett, Lincoln Clarington-Smythe! Do you guys feel honored to be here, on what is the greatest internet show of all time?

LINK: A title I am more than proud to share. I can also say with complete confidence that the bar for internet shows is so low that I can't dispute that this one may just be the best.

IVY: okay, winnie is totally a bigger bitch than me but i'm like happy to be here before her anyway. even if it's with the new boy.

JOEY: Okay, you guys could smile a little more though, this is the internet after all. Moving on to the first question, a fan actually sent this one and it's for Ivy! Ivy, is it true that you got Danny Zuko because, just like your mom, you have what people call "man hands"?

IVY: oh my god that's like so. . . mean? i dont have man hands and neither does my mom! but if the people like really wanna know, i have my dad's hands. mine look like the exact same as his, even when we used to do jazz hands in our family dance routines they were the exact same down to like every flutter of the finger.

JOEY: I wasn't the one who sent this in, so you can blame someone named LucyQ99, because she was the one who sent it. Moving on from the story about Ivy's hands that no one asked for, the next question is for Link! Is it true that you got kicked out of Dalton because you were caught having sex with someone on the stairs and not because of a list?

LINK: Unfortunately, no, there's been a mix up in stories. I was actually caught having sex with someone on the stairs last year and I lied and said I was helping him check for STD's because 'he was too scared to see the nurse.' The list thing was totes the reason and it was unjust so please email and call your local council and accuse Dalton of homophobia, that would mean a lot to me.

JOEY: You heard it here first, I will leave the phone number and email down below because Dalton is homophobic... Anyways, next question is for both of you, who is the second hottest guy at McKinley? I'm number one, obviously.

IVY: ugh that's like so totally easy, Joey! Everyone knows it's--

IVY: actually you know what? i bet link is like SO totally unbiased from personal experience with these guys. 

IVY: link, who do you like think is hottest?

LINK: Uh...okay, well, in all honesty, the bar in on the fucking floor. And as much as I know you hate to admit it, I'm gonna say Leo because he gives me big Jack Skellington vibes if Halloweentown had a film school and I'm really into that, ya'know. Also maybe Theo but only when I admire him from afar, I don't need to hear him talk, it ruins it for me.

IVY: oh my god.

IVY: PLEASE say you're joking like right now. 

IVY: leo? like? mccarthy?

LINK: Yeah, and? I like the angst of it all!

JOEY: Wait, Ivy you didn't answer, and I'm not even going to comment on that, Link... This is the last time you'll be on my show.

IVY: i dated leo for like eight months! so not cool! the angst like totally isn't worth it. and from personal experience? you're like definitely better off with theo.

IVY: joey i didn't answer because there's like. . . not even a second behind you. maybe a close fifth though. . . yeah!

LINK: Listen, I'm not gonna try anything with Leo, I respect his heterosexuality! I'm allowed to admire from my bubble of him being my manic pixie dream film bro! And stop avoiding Joey's questions, you're dodging and weaving that shit. You may be McKinley's lil' actress ingenue, but you're not a good liar.

IVY: i am like . . . an incredible liar!

JOEY: Okay, that's enough talking about Leo in my room, you guys are bumming out my whole area... I liked Ivy's answer, moving on! How do you guys feel about the musical?

IVY: thank you! anyhow, i'm gonna like totally make everyone forget who john travolta even is. duh. ever thought you could cry to a rendition of sandy? no? well just like wait until you hear mine.

LINK: I'm hype. I really don't care about musicals but I was born to play Rizzo, it just makes sense. I'm gonna steal the show and Ivy and....uh...no, no, I'll get it....Jonathan? Jason?......Anyways, Ivy and the Schuester guy playing Sandy, well I'm sure they'll be great too. I've never been too pure to be pink, that's for sure.

IVY: Julien. 

IVY: but yea like im sure you'll make a good Rizzo. that's a compliment I don't give lightly.

JOEY: Good! I can't wait until everyone else in rehearsal to not fit in the room because of your giant egos. And I do know what ego means, I learned that word recently. Okay, between you two, who's more talented? The people want to know.

LINK: Yeah, him. Big hair. I'll get to know him when I have to bully him on stage. And let's look at the facts; I can sing, I can act, I can dance, I can write and direct, I can and have arranged multiple Cupcakke songs into acapella versions, I can work industry standard special effects equipment, I can give you splits and dips and I dress like Sharpay Evans. Make your own conclusions on who's more talented.

IVY: Listen, everyone thinks I'm like kind of a bitch, but the fact of the matter is I'm not just a bitch. I'm a talented bitch. And if acknowledging my ability makes me a bitch then like . . . whatever! Link's stuff is impressive but at the end of the day, I managed to be successful in the arts and like a totally hot and popular cheerio at Mckinley. It's no easy feat juggling both. So like . . . the proof is in the pudding or whatever.

JOEY: There's pudding? I want pudding... Well, I guess it's up to everyone else to decide, please leave a comment and say who you think is more talented! Right, next question is a serious one - do you guys think Gil looks okay? He looks tired, right?

LINK: I mean, yeah, why lie, this fish is probably moments away from the sweet, salty grips of a literal watery grave. But, hey, I'm no fish expert maybe he just needs to pop a Zoloft.

IVY: Ew, morbid. Maybe he just needs to like nap!

JOEY: I think he'll be fine. He hasn't been the same since I found out he's a secret slumlord... [turns to the bowl] The way you treat those families is really mean and they don't deserve that, but I think there's still good in you... Right, since I like to end it on a positive note, the two of you have to say something nice about each other!

IVY: Even though he's kind of delusional about who's gonna be the Grease show stopper, for someone who came from like a private school, Link does dress nice!

LINK: Why, thank you. You are very pretty and I get what the hype is about. You have a nice face and from what I can tell you have talent and when I get famous and if you weren't straight, I'd totally consider you for a part as the Final Girl in one of my movies. I try not to work with hets, it's not personal, I promise.

IVY: i see 

IVY: but just so you know, i have like two gay grandpas and i'm jewish so like when I'm inevitably the best and only option you can pull that info for the sake of being diverse

JOEY: Right, that was kind of nice! Last question of the show, did you guys have fun here? And if you say no, you're not allowed in my house anymore.

IVY: i'd never be banned from your house but yea this was like super fun!

LINK: It was a blast. I should point out though that this fondue cheese kinda tastes like, um....pure garbage. But I can look past that.

JOEY: Anyways, thanks for watching everyone and I'll see you next week for another Fondue for Two!

 [The End]

[tfw-no-tennis]

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings 

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter 

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches 

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus 

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday 

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well 

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that 

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt 

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case 

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal 

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking 

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance 

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro. 

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes 

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st 

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol 

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that 

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME 

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool 

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side.. 

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute 

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter 

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy 

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby 

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

[captainimprobable]

This photo popped up on my Facebook memories and I nearly lost my gd mind.  Everything under the cut is depressing so don’t click if you don’t wanna be bummed out

This is from Mother’s day, May 10th, 2015.  At this point I had been breaking down every night for a month, taking Ativan like it was candy, because lower doses stopped working since I took them so often.  I dropped out of college during finals week instead of just waiting for the semester to be over because I didn’t know if I could make it through another week. 3 days after this picture was taken, I checked myself into the hospital.  It was a planned check in, preemptively done so it wouldn’t come to a place where it would be an emergency.  I stayed for about a week, and when I got out I wasn’t cured or anything, but it had been the restart I needed to start working to get better. 2015 was the Year From Hell for my me and my family. (So far, it’s still beating 2020. Like. That many bad things happened in 2015.)

I spent most of my recovery alone, aside from my mother.  I had friends, that I loved and who I knew loved me, but when someone is going through something difficult and you don’t know what to say, sometimes you just say nothing at all.  Not to mention I kept all this very very quiet.  On the outside I looked fine.  I’ve been told by many, many therapists that  I’m the only patient they’ve ever had who can fool them into thinking things are great even if I’m wildly depressed, and my friends weren’t trained, so. Nobody really knew. I’ve been working my ass off for five years.  A year after this picture was taken, I graduated college.  By the end of that year I got my first job.  It took me a long long time to get to a place where I thought I could actually, maybe be a real person.  I was finally planning to start my career, which was going to lead to me moving out. I was finally, FINALLY, after 7 years of trying and failing, going to travel to japan. And then Covid happened.  And here I am, five years to the day later, feeling the same things I felt then, completely rewinded, like the past five years just haven’t happened.  We’re back, babes!!!!!! We’ve returned to the Shit Zone, no feeling good allowed!!!!  We’re back to having to take everything minute by minute, sleeping a lot and popping that Ativan again because I can’t stop crying. I’m fucked, my dudes.  Every year I’m so proud of how much progress I’ve made since May 13th, 2015. But right now all I see is the same pattern, the skipping work, the spontaneous sobbing mixed with being Totally Okay Somehow for a few days, and I’m alone again, because quarantine means nobody knows when we’re all gonna see each other again.  On top of that, i have nothing to look forward to since cons are cancelled.  Cons were basically the only thing I had..which I guess is shitty and lame, but it gave me an outlet, it was a place where I could be super gay and not worry about where I am, I was surrounded by people like me and not here, in my religious town, where nobody is like me.  (I am the Queen of the Drama Queens. Wow.) So all I see in front of me is the same thing, nothing, forever.  But hey the smores frapp comes out in two weeks!!!! Thank god.  I dont know what I would do without the smores frapp. (This is serious. Im not being sarcastic.  That shit is GOOD) Posting this is incredibly embarrassing for me because I’m not usually this open when something is wrong, but this picture popped up at an exact moment I was freaking out about something and I just had to do something.  So now, on top of everything, I’m severely embarrassed and I feel about three inches tall. Hi up there guys!!!! Things are great down here, I’ve managed to corral a spider and now I have a way of getting around without walking everywhere, so that’s rad.  Sorry if you think less of me. Surpriiiiiise Ive been a loser all along!!! I’m used to being vented to but the other way around...doesnt.....make sense??? Like, this feels illegal.  Was this too much information? I straight up Do Not Know. Anyway, thanks to the few people who know I’m losing my mind and have helped. Also I’m totally safe yall, that’s not something you need to worry about, I promise. idk wtf this post is for. actually. i might delete it like. soon. bc this feels Wrong and like Im crying for attention and i am a small helpless child. And Im not. But. Ill see. God this is bad if people see this they’re gonna think less of me but Im supposed to be this big advocate for mental illness on facebook, so I wanted to be honest, but I couldn’t get myself to post it on facebook so I’m putting it here and. Idk.  Sorry.

[suenala]

BTS-story ; well, here i am.

episode 3 ; 'please come!'

prev. < tsilretsam

[genre] ; fluff

[fandom] 방탄소년단

[⚠] ; cuss cuss ssuc

-

Lunch starts and everyone heads to the cafeteria. I was more in the back of the studio because every time lunch started, it would be chaotic. Everybody wanted to get there first so they could get the food nicely fresh and warm. I always bought my own food because the people who were last always hogged the microwave to warm up their food, I always hated standing in line so I always bought a nice sandwich (it was four slices and yes I ate them all ヽ（´ー｀）┌) or something. I waited until everyone left the studio and packed my things after I was about to walk to my locker I felt someone’s hand grab my shoulder. I had put my earbuds on after the Manager made the announcement so I couldn't hear anything after I took a second to realize it was someone's hand, I took the earbuds out and turned around.

Yn: "Yes-oh"

???: "Hello! My name is uh-"

Yn: "Jhope, i know haha."

Jhope: "Ah-haha, i forgot we were celebrities...heh-Oh, um, i saw you dancing earlier! Well, before you got interrupted, you were really good!" -He smiles at me very kindly, laughing a bit awkwardly with his hand on his neck and starts to blush- "I was wondering if you were auditioning? You look like you were working very har-"

???: "Hyung! Stop bothering her!

He quickly turns around and then looks back at me.

Jhope: "Ah..Jimin, i-" -jimin bows and tries to pull him back to the others but he doesn't even budge-

Yn: -i bite the inside of my cheeks, trying not to laugh. They were so cute! I raise my eyebrows and tilt my head a bit-

Jhope: "Can't you see im trying to have a conversation right now????" -as he’s looking at jimin, he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms-

Jimin: -sigh- "Hyung! Can't you see she doesn't care?"

Yn: "U-uhm.."

They both immediately turn their attentions toward me.

Yn: “I will be auditioning..but just please, treat me like the others! Not just because i can dance!”

Jhope: -giggles- "Your wish is my command! Well, this kid won't stop buggin' so see you then!”

Jimin: “Yea! See you later too!"-jimin smiles brightly and waves goodbye with his arm wrapped with jhopes-

I sighed and unlocked my locker and placed my belongings inside, thinking about what just happened is actually kind of funny and cute, will it really be okay if i win this?

time ; 12:37 PM

-Lunch has started-

I sit on an empty staircase with a couple of my friends as we eat lunch.

???: "Hey, yn!"

Yn: -im playing around on my phone in one hand and a half-eaten sandwich in the other- "Hm, what?"

???: "Yn, don't talk to your phone, talk to me!"

Yn: -i furrow my brows and look at her- "What'h?! What do you need so badly, Fee??"

Fee: "YOU NEVER READ WHAT I SENT YOU ON INSTAGRAMMMMM!!!"

Yn: "What'r talking about?"

Henry: "Fee, shut up, you're too loud." -fee snaps her head to henry in annoyance-

Fee: "You shut up- Yn, check your damn dm's!"

Yn: -i look back at my phone and sigh as i take another bite from my meal- "oH, yUh dish teck me."

Henry: "Finish what's in your mouth yn, geez."

Yn: "Mhm, yeah sorry."

-

-

Yn: "Yeah, The manager just talked about this."

Fee: "You idiot, i sent that on thursday."

Yn: "I should probably sign up, one of the members asked me if i was and i said yeah." -i didn't realize how half-heartedly I had said that until fee SMACKS my back-

Yn: "Ow! Fee what the fuck!"

Fee: "He-Wh-I-Who?!" -she yells at me with her mouth half full, literally spitting bits of crackers in my face whilst i just stare at her with my eye wide in concern-

Henry: "EAT WITH OUR MOUTH CLO-"

Fee: "SHUT UP HENRY!" -henry moves up a step to sit farther from the bacteria bot-

Yn: "Uh, Jhope did but i also talked to Jimin." -i say as i take another bite until she HITS ME AGAIN-

Fee: "No shit! For real?!"

Yn: -i start coughing and struggling to say I'm choking- "W-wat-tar!!"

Henry: "Look what you did you buffoon!" -he flicks fee on the forehead and hands me my water bottle-

Fee: "Ow!..im sorry."

Henry: "Yeah you better be."

Fee: "Henry shut up!"

Henry: "Tsk."

Fee says she can send me the link for the online application so i can apply and honestly, i im kinda nervous- but i dont know who said that 👀.

time ; 2:30 PM

-Lunch ends-

I stood back where i was when i was practicing this morning and noticed a long white TABLE set in front of the windows. The boys were standing with pink clipboards and next to the table a whole other stack of boards on the floor, which were blue, soon after everyone had entered from lunch, and the manager walked in.

Manager: "Okay, on the farther end of the table we have name tags with numbers and names obviously. All applications that were submitted passed 1:50pm were not entered since that was the deadline and after that we had all the names randomize and numbered so it didn't matter how early or late you submitted them. Alright! Everyone listen up because I'm only gonna say this once!

The pink boards are representing the girls and on the boards are a couple pages numbered from 1 to 130. Same for the blue ones, in the box behind Namjoon are tags about 260 but split in half. Each person will get one and whoever has the #1 will go on until #2 and so on, everyone will perform a solo choreography that they have made or a solo dance they've learned and with a group or not-whatever. After the females have finished the members (BTS) will see who have passed to go on then it's the males turn, next they’ll show if they can do the following; Sing, or Rap, the people the members select to move on will go on to the next round which the members will decide what will the challenge be. Then they will choose 5 females and 5 from the males also, those 10 will go to another round and the members will choose three people from them to become a trainee. They have dedicated their time into auditions to just THIS studio so please respect that. They can leave whenever they want, disrespect will not be tolerated. Phew! That was a lot but everyone got it?!”

Everyone: "Yes ma'am!!"

Manager: Oh! Those three by the way, whoever they may be, its like a death round, one of those three will eventually debut and the other two will be sent back home. Since these seven boys are generous, the top 10 will be able to make 2 collabs (song) with them as a reward for the hard work and everyone else who auditioned will get free concert tickets so dont be so bummed out okay? I believe in all of you so do your best!"

Everyone: "Thank You!!"

The manager left with all the males following behind her as a bunch of girls raced to Namjoon as he was helping pass out tags. Before lunch had ended, everyone got a text telling their numbers so it was less of a hassle but still....

Namjoon: "Ladies! A single line please!"

BTS: -Laughing at Namjoons failure-

Namjoon: "Help me!" -He gives off a dark glare to all the members and eventually someone steps up- "Thank you Hyung."

Jin: "Okay, I can help here too! Please form another line!"

Me and Fee just stand back in awe, staring at all the chaos girls can cause.

Me: "Wow, thats amazing." -i stand with my back against the mirror and my arms cross, contemplating if i should go and die in the crowd-

Fee: "Can't relate." -i look over at fee and raise a brow-

Yn: "Oh?" -i grab her hand and pull her to a line and gesture her to stay as i wait in the other-

Fee: "Really? Can't you come here?"

Yn: "Wha-What? Sorry, i can't hear you over these fangirls!"

Fee: "i sa-" -sigh- "I SAID COME HERE!"

Yn: -puts earbuds in and looks away-

Fee: "i give up. Truly the biggest brat."

It seemed like it took forever, just standing there and to be honest, at this point I didn't care if i got in or not;

But FINALLY it was my turn, he helped me find my tag and winked at me, I just gave him a quick smile and walked off. I didn't think much as Jin was always the one out of everyone to send hearts and winks and all the girls were ALL over him for that, it was c r a z y.

After that, all the girls grabbed their clothes and headed to the locker room to change into more comfortable clothing.

-

prev. < tsilretsam > next

[neopuff]

I wanna know what happened to your boss who stole your identity... if you feel like sharing you should make posts about it

i cant believe i woke up to over 20,000 notes on that fweiougbwe;goew OK HERE im gonna do this like a reddit relationships thread:

players are: B (boss/thief 27F), C1 (coworker 59F), C2 (coworker 40sF), and me (24F). not a lot.

i worked with B and C1 at Claire’s for well over a year. they knew i had money and yeah i���d let them borrow money to help pay their rent/car payments/etc and C1 always paid me back within a month but B always was like “ill pay you back soon” which was like ok its fine dont stress just…we have an ongoing relationship so i foolishly doubted she was going to steal from me right in front of my face lol

then B quits Claire’s and starts working at Express, promises me a great job at Express to the point where i’ve applied and filled out paperwork (yknow with my drivers license and my SSN) but that job never happened cuz B quit working there. (this is when B opened her first credit card using my information, for Express! which is a crazy expensive clothing store.)

B gets a job at Sally Beauty and tells me i should come work there (this is in july). well, i’m in grad school and i wasn’t going to work for the month of August cuz of friends coming to visit but i was like sure ill work extremely part-time at a store for hair and makeup since i know literally nothing about hair and makeup. C1 was also asked to come work there since the Claire’s we all used to work at was shut down (bankruptcy lol)

things are going fine for a while, C2 is working at Sally’s now too (she’s B’s aunt and they live together.) in September my parents bought a new house 5 and a half hours away and they ask me to house-sit until they move in, so obviously im gonna do that, so i give my two weeks (i gave more like a month but w/e) and on the day before i leave B calls me and says the reason i havent been getting paid by direct deposit is because they never got my drivers license photo. i say thats weird, did they lose it? and she says they mustve so i send her a pic of my license. cuz obviously i wont be in town to pick up my check so i need direct deposit.

ok so fast forward to this monday, C1 calls me and it starts off normal like “hi how are you howve you been” and then shes suddenly like “i have something important to tell you.” and she says C2 saw mail at her and B’s house with my name on it! C2 was complaining about it at work and C1 was like “wtf?” and thought that was suspicious and told me about it. shes like “make a creditkarma account and you can see any credit cards under your SSN”

i go to make a creditkarma account and weirdly enough theres already one under my SSN! and the email is literally [B’s last name][B’s first name]@outlook.com. she wasnt even being subtle or smart. she really thought i’d just never look or wouldnt care???? i dont KNOW.

so obviously i call all the credit report places and im like freeze everything and put fraud alerts on everything!! and i blocked B’s phone number and i blocked her on facebook cuz even if she had an explanation i genuinely wouldnt care at this point

i went to another credit report site for the details and B not only took out a $5000 loan (she bought a new car recently so probably for that), but she opened 7 other credit cards and applied for 25 others. she started this the DAY i left! theyre mostly credit cards for banks but theres the express card, a target card, a disney card????????? also B put her actual phone number and address into the system so theres no doubt that its her.

and then C1 calls me again to tell me that B quit her job at Sally Beauty less than an hour ago and im wondering if she knew i knew or coincidence? since B steals from companies she usually only works at each one for a few months each

so ok, tuesday morning i call the police and then i have to call every single bank and credit union to cancel these stupid fucking cards. i was on the phone for 6 hours (wouldve been longer but i had my online class) just repeating the same info over and over again. and then the police call me back like “so we just spoke to B, she played dumb for a bit but then confessed to everything” and that was a HUGE relief except that i still have 12 more card applications to cancel. cop said “she didnt really have an explanation other than she’d fallen on hard times” and i just…….dont care especially when she quits every job shes store manager of after less than a year. and yea she has two kids and a bum husband and a supportive close family

and it’s now wednesday afternoon cuz i slept thru the morning but i have to call all these other places AND i’m gonna have to drive 5 and a half hours back to my hometown for court sometime in the next two weeks. plus i have to fill out like 30 affidavits for all these banks and credit unions and give them the police report so they know im not lying

also my credit score has gone down significantly because of that Express card she got in March (she’d been doing minimum payments allowed so i wouldnt get notified despite racking up $475 at this one ugly store)

in less than a month she opened $20,000 worth of credit and spent $8400 of it. and since she just QUIT her job i can assume she wasnt planning on paying off any of that debt lol

anyway that’s where i’m at now, i dont know if shes going to jail or what. she sure as hell cant pay any fines. PLUS she already owed me $450 and i was gonna cut her some slack on it but now i want my $450 back lmao

[01010010-posts]

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’(  love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

[chainsawb0y]

hi sorry for not really doing much lately ive been kinda super out of it but when am i not anymore 

more venty stuff under the readmore tldr: shit sucks and im decorating my house and i hate myself the usual affairs if you read it all the way through i commend you for your dedication for wanting to know why im bummed out rn. this is basically like a long rambling thing that i kept adding shit to in random places

tw: dysphoria

i keep thinking about things and just feeling generally kinda bad about lots of shit and like it swings a lot from me feeling like happy and then just being totally fucking miserable at random all the time. i dont know what it is but its annoying the shit out of me. i feel like im ok like 10% of the time and then the other 60% is me feeling like shit and 30% trying to recover from feeling like shit 

ive been decorating my house too and thats been shit tbh my housemate gets stressed out and then takes it out on me but i cant afford to go anywhere else and id rather be dead than live with my mother and i just dont want to live in the city where my dad is

i want to do more stuff creatively this year but every time i pick up the pen i just think of my long term ambitions and realise this website isnt exactly the best for it anymore, but theres nowhere else i feel comfortable posting it anymore. i keep doubting myself and my work and when i draw certain characters i get anxious im going to be accused of ripping other people off. i know it wont happen, but i just have horrible anxiety when it comes to these things. i want to work but i feel like nobody takes me seriously as an artist or a comedian. i know where a lot of my self doubt/anxiety comes from but its just upsetting because i have so much stuff in my head that i cant even bring myself to do because i just dont see the point of it. i know it’ll get no attention at all whatsoever apart from roughly 2 likes, 3 reblogs and then at least 5 self reblogs from me desperately trying to get someone to see something i spent so long on. i dont do art for myself, i do it for other people to see the cool stuff i made up to entertain people and i like to make people happy and i just get upset constantly feeling like nobody is seeing anything because this hellsite is going down the shitter and people are jumping off like old people from a sinking ship. slow and fucking painfully because of the fucking bots everywhere

im like, constantly bitching about gender and sexuality shit but like.......... i always feel like im never gonna have anyone really love me. . like. people like me. people know who i am. nobody knows me. nobody gets me. i know thats bullshit lone wolf talk but like im not even kidding tbh.  im so massively fucking lonely it hurts it just fucking hurts so much i just fucking miss feeling like someone actually cares about me . i feel like i have no friends sometimes. like, i have online friends who i love with all my heart but i just dont feel like i have people in real life i can really talk to about deep personal shit. i dont feel close to people irl anymore and i cant understand why. i feel like this is cause of some bad shit thats happened in the past and its just made my brain turn off the “trust people” switch. my brains gone from “everyone is friend” to “everyone is person and people scare and upset me so i cant engage properly because i dont know what they will do. must keep some kind of distance, put on some kind of persona or something and be nice” i dont know what that persona is but im sure as fuck not able to look into it without being some kind of horrible mess. i dont know if im nice or not. i dont know who the fuck i am and it freaks me out because im sure i have some kind of horrible thing deep inside me that i have to cover up by being overly nice and sweet and an actual doormat .. most of the times the conversations i have with real people always have some kind of sex talk in them at one point and i dont have the heart to tell people it makes me uncomfy. i want to talk to people again and i want to go out more, but i just dont know how to get myself outside with people without feeling massively anxious or just feeling like nobody wants me around. like i feel like nobody ever really thinks about me in the least selfish sense. i know it sounds weird and narcissistic but i never get messages off people. i try to interact with people. i want to be friends with people but i just dont feel like i fit in anywhere and i really wish i did. i wish i felt like i could anyway. every time i go out i just feel like i dont belong anywhere with anyone and i thought i did for a little while but then i just couldn’t afford to go out anymore and it just went away immediately. i dont know why but sometimes i get really overloaded by people really quickly but when im outside i find it really easy. i just wish it was easier to talk to people about things. its like whenever i talk to anyone i immediately worry that im being weird or dumb talking about specific aniamtion things or stuff i can actually contribute to but everyone else is always talking about politics or sex so like.... i cant contribute ever cause most of the time its sex stuff or devolves into sex stuff and i just ?????? cant

also dysphorias back whee i hate having a chest it makes me so mad that i cant wear nice things because im constantly paranoid people will see my chest and assume im a girl. i hate people see my face and assume im a girl. i would rather see myself slowly rot away than take female hormones to solve my hormone issues because i dont want to lose what little i had that makes me look a little bit masculine and i know it sounds fucking idiotic but oh my god im so sick of looking and sounding like a girl!!!!!!!! i hate being called miss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate that my mother wont even call me ash !!!!!!!!!! 2/3 of my family members refuse to think im not a girl and i want to die bc of it !!!!!!!!!!!

im just fuckin trying to deal with all this stupid fucking shit and i keep getting appointments for help cancelled and pushed back and i need help but i never get it !! : ))) the only help i managed to get just ended up talking about fucking specifically sex shit and it made me so uncomfortable i never went back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even tho its literally the only place i can go for trans/ace specific help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 2: “I’m Trying To Lay Low” - Jake

JENNET

plan worked fabulously purrrrrrrrr

(a little later)

maybe its me being paranoid but why are jake,jones, and lindsay always the last three to leave calls............ when i have a f2 with all of em....

JESSICA

Song of the day is ELVIS by AOA. My favourite workout bop. Silver got voted out! So sad, I wanted to play with him. But also, kinda cool! This is the only game I have played where I truly didn't know anyone (except my very first ORG). What an experience. I know last confessional I said Sam and Shane were both kinda on the fence for me in terms of if I wanted to maybe work with them or not. An update: I think I want to work with both! Both of them, unprompted, told me they wanted to work with me if we lost immunity, and I have actually been getting along well with both of them I feel now that our conversations are moving past the sort of awkward beginning stages. I still like Sammy even though I probably should talk to him more oops... and Daisy/Lovelis/Ethan are also still in my good books. I kind of keep forgetting Pete and Cloud are on this tribe but when I remember, I am happy they are here. That being said, I think Cloud or Madison will be the first to go if we lose. Cloud is very inactive. Madison is too but she was at least on the call tonight. It might come down to how immunity goes. I want to participate because it will bond us as a team. That way even if we lose, I was a part of the team effort and won't stand out as someone who people don't know or want to work with. Also while I personally want Cloud or Madison out as I know them the least, I am not going to push it. I'll let somebody else throw out a name and as long as that name isn't Jessica then I will consider it. I sort of chilled today with the social game and only messaged people as they messaged me. The vibe of this team is very relaxed from what I can tell and I didn't want to overdo it with conversations and come across as too much. Tomorrow, my goal is to talk to every single person for at least 1 (one) whole real conversation. I might have to start using my good ol' tactic of sending people random youtube links and saying "what do you think of this" to get something going.... Honestly nothing starts a conversation like David Hasselhoff and his cinematic masterpieces that we call music videos. I hope the other tribe is full of problems so that when we eventually swap, I have a very easy time in this game.

LINDSAY

no recording tonight because i have a headache:( anyways i'm apparently not in as good of a position in the tribe as I was hoping. got left out of a six person group chat bc I was associated w Silver and people were nervous abt this vote w me. Jake luckily looped me in but I'm kind of bummed out people didn't trust me enough to let me in on this. I know it's probably just cuz Silver and I had been getting along alright the past two days but that means I'm in kind of a yucky position in the tribe that is starting to gear me up to a S6 type deal from survivor umich and I'm not fuckin' vibin. I'm gonna try to reach out (Nash appears to be ignoring me currently tho so lol) and try to fix that. I still want to work tight w Jones and Jake but I don't want them to be my only options. I need some more connections than that. ALSO WHEN SILVER DID THE THING MY HEART STOPPED LOL SO THAT MIGHT BE WHY IM BEING IGNORED also "you kept laughing at silver's jokes" was a comment someone leveled at me today and i couldn't find a good way to level and say i laugh at everything because that's how my brain is trained to react to everything. monkey brain cannot comprehend emotions so i laugh everything off. anyways i guess this is my clue i've got to step up. i mean, it's fine if i'm under the radar some because it's not merge yet so like it's fine, but i'm... worried. if nothing else we're even tho bc the galaghers got revealed as well as the six person alliance so we're all even here. bottom line is, i'm winning this fucking scavenger hunt this shit aint happening next week

JAKE

https://youtu.be/amXasrOidh0

y'all I'm still shaking from tonight tbh....

PENNINO

https://youtu.be/_26B1wn1pDw

JONES

https://youtu.be/7FngYQfYMB0

PETE

Nobody will want to vote me out if I have kittens and share pictures of them muahahahahahahahahahaha

JESSICA

Oh no, we lost! I hope that Shane and Daisy want to be a final 3 because that is what I am envisioning in my hopes, dreams, and mood board.

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mNEOfPVwOp-ltGoNTdEq59su-9Vl_Adm/view?usp=drivesdk

ETHAN

AHH TRIBAL IS SCARY MORE TO COME SOON BUT EVERYONE IS SO QUIET AND I DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM THE TARGET BUT IF I AM I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT IS JUST WEIRDLY QUIET AND MY PARANOIA IS EATING ME ALIVEEE

DAISY

https://youtu.be/tBDHsLvF8W8

NICOLE

WE ARE IMMUNE!!! I’m so excited to have flipped the vote on Silver AND got us immunity but, I’m gonna have to be more careful if I’m gonna go far in this game. I know I can be strategic, I can be a comp threat but I really have to work on making myself a little dimmer in the social department. If we swap or merge obviously down the line, I feel like I’m gonna have a LOT of different potential paths to the end but, it won’t matter if they all realize that. So I really really have to be careful here. I am playing this game with a level head so far and really trying to make my rounds daily to talk to people. I am close with Jake, close with Jones and close with Nash. I am working on forming better bonds with Jabari, Lindsay and Jennet right now and honestly to me, Pennino is a non factor as well as Mikey but I am obviously going to try to maintain being on their good side. So that’s all I got for this round it’s been pretty tame except for Jennet immediately leaking our alliance by accident. At this point I really don’t think it matters.

MADISON

Okay so our tribe is not superhuman and we finally lost a challenge so we will be attending tribal tonight. Nobody is really saying much in terms of what will happen which is extremely worrisome, however, I did hear Sam on call very subtly throw Cloud out there and I'm kinda hoping that Jessica and Shane heard that too and will kind of run with it. Daisy wants both of us to be safe and I feel the same way so I'm hoping that's what will happen. In other news!!! I have officially begun the idol hunt one round too late but perhaps that works out better because if something is found, I'll know it. So because of the way things were worded during the hunt, the idol has either been found already or whoever wrote this system wanted to through a red herring in there to trick us. I'm going with the latter because I feel like Jarod would do that. That's all from this neck of the woods for now, hopefully will be writing another one of these bad bois next round :*

SAM

https://youtu.be/liGOEuFKiFo

JENNET

I WILL die for jones btw...

(a little later)

Survived the immunity challenge... at what cost

(after falling asleep on the beach)

The way we accidentally won that comp is literally a joke.... period i guess?

PETE

so we lost cus we’re the beauty tribe not the brains tribe fuck math dude anyways, it’s been hella fuckin quiet like not a lot of people are on and aren’t really talking. Up until about, 4 hours before tribal Sam comes to me and says the vote is gonna be Cloud and i’m like what who why. All he said is “that’s what he’s heard” honestly i think it’s just his own idea but whatever. I don’t know Cloud at all so it’s fine with me. Sam, myself, Jessica, and Shane apparently are all agreed to vote Cloud and with Ethan’s vote that’ll be 5.

CLOUD

i have nithing to say other than i might just be the stupidest person on the planet. absolutley nothing is happening in my head ever. if i stay its pure luck HSKSHSNSKBSKS

NASH

smiles at immunity... this is cute it feels good to not be in danger for once! i’m honestly still worried my tribe might want to cut me at next tribal but at least tonight can be chill! i hope kiki is first brookeisa boot xoxo

SAMMY

honestly there is no tea, daisy found an idol and gambles her vote but she lost her vote early so no worries w that! I love her so much and i hope she doesn’t snake me...but daisy if ur reading this, in this moment i love dont snake me mwah!! I love Jess and I love Cloud but everyone’s telling me Cloud is the vote but I’m so sad because I had such a good time with them and they are one of the few funny ones in the game!! Anyways not much is happening we lost the challenge cause we are just bad at math...blinks...I don’t think I’m in any danger and this vote should be unanimous. I was also told someone said I was one of the few active people so that’s a check in my book!

JAKE

https://youtu.be/HmtSAjyQoJI

I'm trying to lay low so if I'm not very present on Discord the next day or so that's why hehe

PETE

so ethan is down for voting Cloud, sammy too. Cool great awesome hot. i’m just sitting here vibing and suddenly Sammy tells me that my (and Madison’s) name came up for a second. He said it went away and it’s Cloud for the vote but like jskdhd why do i aaalways get targeted bitch i’m literally just sitting here whYY can’t i relax for once?! Frfr every survivor game it’s always this person or me. I’m always the other option and i just don’t get why lmao

LOVELIS

This tribes been kinda dead until like an hour ago plss, a new alliance of 5 has been organised and somehow me and Shane managed to make it seem like it was Jessica’s idea? Don’t really know how that happened in all honesty but a vibe. Then Daisy also leaked that she’s in another alliance who’s actively idol hunting so that was a lovely bit of beef that I love to see - my guess is she’s in a duo chat with Jess and they’ve tried to get this group formed with people who they think are unconnected, unbeknownst to them that me and Shane have a final two deal and I kinda have one with Sammy as well that happened on day one but it’s not really developed as of yet, he’s not really tried to talk game with me as of yet, but all in due time I suppose there’s plenty of time for more shenanigans 😂

MIKEY

HONESTLY Chile. Not much tea going around since this round we won. Im very proud of Nicole as she literally carried us and I pray she'll do it again dhbhsfg. Ive started getting really close with Jones and she's so fun to talk to, im hoping me her and nash can form a little trio and work together but who knows. Jennet STILL hasn't replied back after like a week so idk what's up w them LMAO

JABARI

So our tribe loved it when we blindsided silver, it puts me in a much better position than before. Now I have to talk more to people and take time to realize what's gonna happen. As of right now I have 2 alliances. The big majority one and the one where its just me and Jake and Jennet.

JENNET

exactly.... 

https://open.spotify.com/album/0pWu9s2gPdVgqHpMR2LDEx?si=uOqh6Ar9RiqNLUfaBZEkvw

TRIBAL COUNCIL

[rosetlntsmyworld]

rules:: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

Thanks to my good judy @veronicasanders for tagging me! <3

— what was your last…

1. drink:: water

2. phone call:: my boss bc i’m bad at mopping floors and she wanted to yell at me for it

3. text message:: ‘where tf are you xoxo’ to my mother (she forgot to pick me up from my train)

4. song you listened to:: “Papa Don’t Preach” by Madonna

5. time you cried:: like literally yesterday bc I was listening to cute music w my gf and im a bit hormonal and got all mushy about how much i love her

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice:: nah

7. kissed someone and regretted it:: yes

8. been cheated on:: no

9. lost someone special:: yes

10. been depressed:: no

11. gotten drunk and thrown up:: first bit yes, second bit no. i was just drunk from 11pm to 4pm the next day and had to walk around a supermarket with my mum hung over to buggery and pretending everything was fine (supermarkets are the W O R S T places you could realise youre hung over bc screaming children and also very bright light)

— fave colours

12. black

13. grey

14. burgundy

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends:: yes

16. fallen out of love:: no

17. laughed until you cried:: yes

18. found out someone was talking about you:: yes

19. met someone who changed you::  yes

20. found out who your friends are:: ya

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list:: yes

— general

22. how many your facebook friends do you know irl:: legit all

23. do you have any pets:: yes, one dog

24. do you want to change your name:: yeah, i wanna get rid of my boy middle name (it was gonna be mary and my parents realised my initials would spell ‘emu’ and didn’t want me to get bullied. So they made my middle name duncan. D U N C A N. How is that an improvement??)

25. what did you do for your last birthday:: went to school during the day which sucked ass and then had the opening night of my first exhibit at a gallery which sucked a lot less ass. And then went and had dinner. And a hedgehog cake. Because im a mature grown up adult.

26. what time did you wake up today:: I went and delivered newspapers at like eight oclock and then went back to bed at like 10. Woke up again at midday, had a slice of toast and watched still game, and then had another nap. I am a garbage person.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night:: sleeping

28. what is something you can’t wait for:: finding out whether I got accepted to university (stole this answer from v but it’s true)

29. what is your favourite animal:: thats a horrendous question omfg i love tapirs a lot and also pigeons and seals and sharks

30. what are you listening to right now:: i’m watching gordon ramsay’s hotel hell

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom:: yeah i went to primary school with a guy called tom and he was a fucking asshole

32. something that’s getting on your nerves:: the fact that fullyi can’t . breathe through my left nostril rn

33. most visited website:: google

34. hair colour:: dirty blonde

35. long or short hair:: short-ish. Mine is like bob length w a dramatic undercut. Basically i stole dela’s boy hair

36. do you have a crush on someone:: ya

37. what do you like about yourself:: i have a nice bum

38. want any piercings:: ya

39. blood type:: oh fuck knows

40. nicknames:: edna, edina, gay puddle, mitzi, shortshank redemption, eddie, edie mcredie

41. relationship status:: dating a v cool gal

42. sign:: scorpio

43. pronouns:: she/her

44. fave tv show:: rpdr, brooklyn 99, orange is the new black, derry girls, still game, chewin the fat, the great british bake off, bobs burgers, tracey ullman show

45. tattoos:: nada as of yet but i want a good few

46. right or left handed:: right

47. ever had surgery:: nope

48. piercings:: ears x2

49. sport:: i play rugby and i wish i could dance or skate or some shit but alas i am a graceless bulldyke

50. vacation:: im going to australia for like six weeks in june aaaaaaaaa

51. trainers:: never wear em lmao im too goth for that shit

— more general

52. eating:: i went out for dinner earlier and had pizza and sweet potato fries and now im halfway to a food coma yay

53. drinking:: water or cherry coke. I also discovered lemon and mint sanpellegrino the other day and frankly id happily drown in that stuff its amazing

54. i’m about watch:: new ep of drag race

55. waiting for:: news from school

56. want:: to move out bc my room is a shittip and im done with it

57. get married:: i dont believe in marriage so probs no

58. career:: i work in a baby shop but i wanna be a tattoo artist or set designer/stage manager

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses:: hugs

60. lips or eyes:: lips

61. taller or shorter:: everyone is taller than me

62. older or younger:: older. Im a bit autistic so im kinda drawn more to people older than me bc i find them easier to talk to

63. nice arms or stomach:: stomach

64. hookups or relationships:: relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant:: troublemaker

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger:: no

67. drank hard liquor:: yes

68. turned someone down:: yes

69. sex on first date:: no

70. broken someone’s heart:: i dont fuckin know

71. had your heart broken:: not really

72. been arrested:: no, lol

73. cried when someone died:: yes

74. fallen for a friend:: nah im fuckin heartless lmao

— do you believe in

75. yourself:: yes

76. miracles:: no

77. love at first sight:: no

78. santa claus:: i’m not fucking five (lol, keeping Wednesday’s answer here) (lol im also keeping V’s answer which she stole from v)

79. angels:: not really

— misc

80. eye colour:: grey

81. best friend’s name:: charlie aka charles aka charlize theron aka streak of piss aka pizzle aka piz (they have a v long series of affectionate nicknames lmao)

82. favourite movie:: priscilla queen of the desert, rocky horror, evita, muriels wedding, silence of the lambs, zootopia, misery

83. favourite actor:: Terence stamp

84. favourite cartoon:: bobs burgers, family guy, star wars: clone wars

85. favourite teacher’s name:: she’s known usually as ms gallagher but ive been on first name terms w her since i was like 14 so i call her sheila lmao

legit everyone I know has already been tagged lmao

[uglysockperson]

part ||

when they showed up to the room james was just about to head to sleep hands barely wrapped around his wand and the map they were working on. “you two missed dinner”  “we know” they whisper while changing shirts, sirius took off his button up and lipped into his band tee and a sweater remus gave him a few months back and remus just curled into one of his thicker grey sweaters.

   james just dozed off, they knew from the gentle snores. sirius giggled and stretched. remus took the opportunity  to slip his hands around his waist in a lazy hug “he you wanna sneak some food?” he asks softly over sirius’s shoulder. “of course” sirius turns and puts an arm around remus and they grab james’s cloak and walk out again grinning. 

  they found their way to the kitchen the house elfs had just started to turn off the main lights so they opened a few cabinets and took what they wanted, remus ending up with a bottle of pop and a sandwich he managed to put together. and sirius with some fruit and jerky. sneaking back was easier than sneaking out they always found. sirius walking in front of remus, both under the cloak. remus still smelt some smoke on the both of them,some dust, that book smell, and the smell of siriuses hair product which just happens to be pine this time around.   plopping down on to the carpet in the middle of the dorm they split up some of the food, sirius trading remus an apple for half of the sandwich and they split the jerky. the started off sitting across from each other over the pile of snacks but thru the hour of giggling and munching sirius and remus were joined at the shoulder leaning against remus’s trunk in front of his bed. and sirius just felt too comfortable to be safe. he jumps up and stretches awkwardly “hey remi im gonna hop out for a smoke. feel free to head off to bed” without waiting for a reply he grabbed his leather jacket he had left on his bed all day that held his cigarettes. walking up the stairs and to a window he sits up and tucks into the sill, casting a charm so the smell doesn't wake anyone up and lights a cigarette. breathing it in and out he starts thinking about the day. this whole thing wasn't unusual. him and remus spent a lot of time together. they smoke together they live together and hangout together. and it was only a few months ago sirius realized he loved friend more than a friend should. and it scared the shit out of him.    it turned study sessions into day dreaming about holding his hand. getting dressed in the same dorm was a game of try not to stare. every thing he did around him he got self conscious about. but no matter how stressed this all made him remus was also his biggest support. without him he knew he’d be much worse.     after another cigarette he was almost ready to scuttle back into the room, hoping remus was asleep he heard footsteps. he knew they were remuses  given the pace and the theme he’d memorized. “hey paddy, thought id bum a cig” sirius saw remus had since lost his pants “what happened to your trousers?” he said after a nervous gulp, “oh, i was just about to head off to sleep but then i remembered you were still out here. so you know the normal “pjs”” which was true, remus slept in underwear and sweaters. “i see” sirius tries to sound cool as he hands his friend the already lit cigarette. “you know pads i cant help but feel like this happens alot” “how do you mean?” “well...” remus takes a drag and hands it back to sirius. “we have a good time but by the end of the day you get all strange and try to walk away.” sirius shuffles a bit trying not to loose his cool “ i mean this happened at the dance, the other day when we got back from a quittich match, even some nights after dinner. you just kind of run away. is anything im doing bothering you?” remus now showing genuine concern while waiting for a reply.  “its everything you do” sirius just barely makes it out while looking at the floor “what?” remus heard but can barley process. “i said its everything you do!” he says just a little louder. “YOU your just.” sirius now breathing hard and getting anxious “YOu’re cute! and sweet! your fucking perfect! How do you expect me to act normally when everything you do makes me want to kiss you?!” gasping he puts his hands over his mouth. he cant believe he just said that. remus on the other hand is wildly relieved. “sirius? you like me?” he says in a soft voice. “yeah... im sorry. i. i can stop hanging around you if thats better... i could probably ask to change dorms too..i just-” Sirius is cut short by remuses hand brushing threw the hair behind his head guiding his face to remuses pressing their lips together Sirius melts instantly. sirius drops the cigarette he’d been gripping the whole time to wrap his arms over remuses shoulders which were hunched over slightly to reach him. and all too soon they lean back. “sirius, you dont need to run away from me. i love you too.... i mean you love me right? im sorry i just realized you didn't actually say it” “of course i love you, idiot” they giggle and kiss a little more then smoke another cigarette with their arms around their waists “we should probably head to bed.” “remus thats a little fast dont you think” “its 4 am you loser” “shit really??” they laugh and try not to fall down the stairs nearly running down them and both fall asleep in siriuses bed, tangled mess. wreaking of smoke and young love/  (i barley spell check these. im sorry)