#but also if he does die I wanna visit him cuz I can’t let go

[sigurdjarlson]

You know…the fact that the shadowlands exists kind of ruins the impact a lot of future deaths would have tbh. Like we can just visit there and be like hey what’s up how’s being dead?

They should at least throw out some lore about how the living can’t return now that our work is done or something. (Not actually enforcing that in game of course since people return to old content all the time.)

Well…can’t return until we die of course.

I’m not sure many people would mind not being able to access that expansion though. Just kidding the completionist in a lot of wow players would not stand for this.

[vrisrezis]

aot characters having a crush + dating hcs (havent proof read sorry for any mistakes)

- she understands that there’s something that draws you to her, however doesn’t fully understand what it is at first

- it’s enough to make her be more interested in you rather than the yeagers

- she believes that it might be your strength that’s overwhelming (and if you have overwhelming strength she is convinced that’s what it is for awhile)

- it is until she sees how Niccolo and Sasha are with eachother does she actually realize that what she feels is love and attraction towards you

- upon realizing this, doesn’t know what to do at first

- she was originally professional, but often kept to your side and felt an odd protectiveness admiration towards you

- now, she was much more casual and more flirtatious

- while acting confident around you, she secretly got butterflies.. you made her ... nervous ..

- nonetheless flirting with you is often, sometimes going as far as to kiss your hand

- she wants to properly court you and get you to return her feelings. She’d feel really bad if you never felt the same. Especially since she isn’t as used to the feeling

- it takes a long time for her to finally ask you out officially, but she does and is pleased by your answer

- however being with yelena isn’t easy, she isn’t one to follow you around like a lost puppy

- she had her motivations, she’s a yeagerist. If you’re not okay with that she isn’t gonna care enough to bother to stay along.

- she feels bad of course, she loves you after all but still

- if she ever had to go against you it hurt her but she would also understand it just needs to be done

- when that mess is over though she is fine with just sticking by your side

- or if you join her it just makes your relationship stronger and better

- doesn’t like pda cuz people might think she’s weak but she’s very soft when you guys are alone though

- lots of smooches from her

- she loves to tease you as well, she can’t help it though..

- she says you’re just so cute she has to bully you a little (more like a lot)

- secretly wants you two to get married so one day she will purpose be prepared for it

- she knows it’s stupid but hey... she has some hope

- secretly feels lucky to be with you even if she doesn’t say it

- doesn’t say that she loves you as often as she’d like, which she feels bad for deep down

- she doesn’t always know how to be vulnerable and express herself, while yes it does happen it takes time

- in a way you are her safe space and you make her calmer

- in a way, you were her hope and her god more than zeke ever was.. and that’s because you allowed to her to feel freedom, to feel love and to feel being loved, you’re more of a god to her now more than .. anyone else

- so maybe she tends to be a bit too protective, and maybe she tends to be very short with others that wanna talk to you because she wants your attention, aaaand maybe she tends to go overboard for you because she believes you saved her...

- so maybe she shows she loves you through actions rather than words

(While I don’t like her in the romantic sense she is my second best girl so I felt it was almost necessary)

- having a crush is always complicated, especially when you’re a kid.

- when you’re a kid as stubborn and prideful as gabi though, it’s even more complicated.

- she doesn’t even realize she likes you either, she’s too into her own head. Too overconfident to think about other people and especially in that way .. she’s oblivious, even to her own emotions

- she can’t help but wanna be around you all the time though, that’s something not even she can ignore

- she tries to impress you often, she will do the dumbest shit just to get you to pay attention to her in some way

- she works harder than normal, falco notices that immediately and catches onto what’s going on

- she tries to act tougher around you, just better in general

- she gets protective of you, when she does something stupid and you follow along she gets really angry and doesn’t understand why

- eventually after a talk with falco, she realizes (finally) that she likes you but never knows how to approach something like that

- eventually works up to the courage to tell you how she really feels about you but it’s really rushed

- is very happy when you guys start dating though

- doesn’t know how relationships should go.. important to keep in mind it’s her first relationship and you guys are just kids

- everyone likes you guys together though

- often grabs your hand, as her way of trying to keep you protected

- she hates getting you involved in her messes but it happens very often and she feels bad about it like everytime

- the first time you kissed she was a blushy mess wow

- yeah you’re the only one that’ll make her so flustered like that

- and it’s easy too, all you gotta do is kiss her cheek, or hand, and she loses it

- she lets you do her hair every morning, ah so today you decided to do her normal look? With the ponytail with some hair down? Or maybe a full on ponytail? Or maybe a little braid, or maybe just leaving her hair down for the day? Yeah who knows! Really she doesn’t care you do her hair everyday now

- speaking of which likes you playing with her hair even if she doesn’t admit it or say much about it

- hugs are often from her but usually when nobody’s around, she’s been through a lot... especially for a 12 year old.. (probably you too), just hug it out y’all

- she has a problem saying that she loves you, not that she doesn’t but she feels almost scared to say it.. like maybe you don’t love her and just like her

- after all, you guys are young.. how would you even know what romantic love is?

- but deep down you both know that nobody else would ever in a million years make you guys feel how you two feel about eachother

- on multiple occasions thought of leaving this all behind with you and falco and just living in a forest or something together but she knows she wouldn’t be happy that way

- she was meant to fight, but she and you make a promise to try not to die in this shitty war

- she will brag about how amazing of a girlfriend she is, but also brag about how you’re a wonderful s/o and how everyone should be jealous of how happy she is

- you know how she screamed while those mfs were getting trampled? Yeah if anyone were to hurt you she screams that kinda crazy ...

- she’s just extremely protective and really doesn’t wanna lose you too:( she’s lost some close friends and she’s scared of losing you as well

- kinda just always sticks to you like glue

- Levi just refers to you as the brats s/o

- real talk though Sasha would’ve adored you guys and been your biggest shipper

- gabi gets embarrassed if anyone says how cute you guys are

( not interested in him romantically either but he is a fav)

- falco realizes quite quickly that he likes you, gabi loves to constantly remind him and tease him to hell about it which is so annoying to him ...

- while he worries about you .. way too often.. if you ever wanted to become a titan he is doing everything he can to make sure it doesn’t happen

- he is extremely blushy and flustered around you like at all times

- he can’t say for certain he’s in love, after all he’s a kid and he knows at that age he has no idea what that shit is but at the same time he’s never felt this way for anyone in his life and he doesn’t think he ever will

- protective of you, especially in battles. Would not hesitate to jump in front of you to save you and take any hits he can for you. He does this for gabi and still does. He’s a protective guy when it comes to you two

- he lacks the confidence to tell you how he feels, he is extremely shy with you

- eventually gabi eggs him on so much that he’s basically forced to ask you out

- he’s relieved you say yes

- he’s even more blushy around you though, and ends up panicking because he’s not sure how he should be around you..

- should he act different? Or the same? Yeah you get it

- he loves holding your hand though, while it does make him die on the inside it makes him happy and warm

- hug him and he will die

- kiss him and he will die like 10 times over

- seriously this boy can’t handle affection without having like a heart attack or something

- gabi just thinks it’s so hilarious

- sometimes gabi purposelessly gets you guys to kiss so he can just die

- he’s an awkward boy but he loves you ... yes he loves you

- he’s way too scared to say it though, what if it’s too soon, what if you laugh, etc.

- will genuinely get mad in a relationship now though if you still wanna be a titan.. before he kept it to himself but he believes he deserves a say now that you’re dating and really hates the idea of your life being shortened

- eventually he admits he loves you, he wants you to live a long life, he wanted you guys to get married someday

- he would have dreams, fantasies, about you guys getting married.. even before you were dating

- it’s how he realized his feelings

- he would have dreams about you all the time

- now he still does, but he can just visit you at night and be by your side

- if he can, he’d like to buy you things and overall spoil you

- or try to take you out on dates as often as he could

- everyone knew about his crush though if we’re being honest he is obvious as fuck

- he would be too shy to hug you, but secretly wants a big hug from you give him a hug you both have been through it

- secretly a clingy boy don’t comment on it he will die

- he just wants to keep you safe and protect you please let him protect you

- she’s a bit of a tsundere let’s be real! She can be a bit mean at times and brush you off

- or just relentlessly tease you

- however she cares about you, she wanted you to live a long life and not get yourself involved in this fucked up shit

- that’s why she for the longest time wanted you in the military police

- and why it’s so obvious to everyone else that she likes you

- she eventually admits her feelings thanks to marlo and she is forever grateful to him for it even after him being gone

- hand holding is often, and gives you a big kiss on the cheek usually

- she’s not shy about her relationship, she wants everyone to know. She doesn’t see it as weakness

- besides she lost an important friend, she wants you to know you’re important to her and that she isn’t ashamed of you or to be with you.

- enjoys teasing you in general, sometimes will tease and call you a perv even if you’re so obviously not being one she loves to embarrass you

- often feels worried whenever she can’t be with you

- she often freaks herself out and thinks something bad might’ve happened to you

- she always tries to be respectful of you and your boundaries, while this is a normal thing to do she really gets worried about overstepping ever and will apologize even when she doesn’t have to

- something about you just makes her more soft and more worried she’s doing something bad or wrong

- protective gal that will kick anybody’s ass for you to keep you safe

- in the world you live in though, kinda necessary isn’t it?

- she tries to take you on dates and even if it isn’t always a common occurrence she tries her best

- kinda wants to baby you sometimes but she also knows how annoyed she’d be if you did so

- she just cannot help but act like a mom sometimes to you, especially if you don’t know how to take care of yourself

- now that you’re dating flirting with you is quite common, she likes to flirt !

- especially if it makes you flustered, all of a sudden she’s a huge flirt now

- overall you make her nervous and flustered, so she wants you to feel the same

- totally used to gush about you to like Annie before you guys started dating, she couldn’t help it! Thankfully Annie found it amusing

- still even after all these years swoons over you like damn how are you so attractive

- still tries to convince you to stop fighting within the survey corps if she can but she knows she can’t at this point with how long it’s been going on you’ve clearly had your mind made up for awhile now

- she wants to start a family with you but doesn’t know how to tell you

- honestly just wants a normal life with you she loves you so much

- (btw, y’all end up having kids named Sasha and marlo <//3)

- she hates the idea of you dying it’s something she thinks about extremely often and she gets nightmares

- she tries to keep that from you, honestly she tries to make herself look strong in front of you like all the time

- she eventually opens up doe

- give her cuddles and hugs ;( plz

- oohhh boy here we go

- if falco was bad enough well here’s armin

- motherfucker dies if you even look his way

- he’s so blushy and so nervous, he cannot help it

- he would eventually get comfortable around you though, and would often talk to you about the sea and things he wanted to explore with you together

- or read books for you to fall asleep to

- it made him happy when you did though, it meant you were comfortable enough to fall asleep around him

- if you ever teased him he wouldn’t know what to say and would just stutter and not get his words out

- in general stutters around you from time to time he can’t help it you make him so nervous

- he told you how he felt of course because of mikasa and eren

- when you guys started dating though, he still didn’t know how to go about romance as it was entirely new to him.

- in a relationship? Not a protective guy let’s be real you’re the one protecting him half the time and he always feels embarrassed about it

- he gets worried easily though, if you’re fighting and tend to be reckless.. it’s easy to be overprotective of a rather weak boy so it’s likely he’s constantly worrying about you .. yeah

- more courage now that you’re dating so if you tease him he may stutter but at least he’ll try to defend himself a bit better

- loves giving you cheek kisses

- shy boy is not for pda but if you wanted it who is he to deny

- likes holding your hand, loves when you hold his hand... man he just loves you so much please

- he probably spent a lot of time talking about you to Annie

- he’s thought about starting a family with you but truly cannot bring himself to talk to you about it, in the world you’re in and the place he holds .. he will just have to wait

- while a smart person, you are somebody he will go to for advice from time to time

- mostly though, he wants to be somebody you can rely on

- spoils you, my god he is such a simp he can’t help but spoil you

- sometimes you’re a distraction he will just stare at you and when he gets caught he’s so embarrassed

- like armin is so obviously in love with you wtf

- he likes being hugged a lot

- often lays his head on your lap and falls asleep he finds it calming

- he’s very sweet, and calls you sweetheart or honey

- he likes to just remind you how much he loves and cares for you, he never wants you to forget.. even if it makes him blushy and embarrassed

- hitch totally teases him about how lame and mushy he can be when it comes to you

- you’re his biggest motivation to finish this war for good

- also he is quite insecure in a relationship but he’s generally insecure asf just reassure him <//3

- what a sweet gal! She loves spending time with you, talking to you about random shit like how your day was and whatnot

- sometimes complains to you about how tough the day was or how hard Levi made her work lol

- or about all the cleaning

- she tells eren about you quite often and even somebody as dumb as eren catches onto her feelings for you

- she’s aware of her feelings.. or eventually becomes aware of them

- she’s not sure initially what to do with them, she’s young but she’s not an idiot and she understands that loving somebody in this line of work isn’t ideal

- she hasn’t truly experienced what others have though, she doesn’t understand the full extent

- so she allows herself to selfishly tell you how she feels

- she’s glad you return them, and if you weren’t already in Levi squad you are now as you show to be an important asset

- often you two will clean together and spend as much time as you can, you keep your relationship mainly secretive

- it’s unprofessional and besides you two might be separated due to Levi’s order

- it’s just best to say you work better together, which you do btw

- while her father believes she’s too young to marry, he does like you nonetheless

- she’s always embarrassed when he brings up the marriage thing and how she’s still young

- the idea of getting married to you just makes her flustered and drives her crazy that’s all

- not for pda, again your relationship is a secret

- Levi catches on, he could care less

- holds your hand mainly, kisses your hand, caresses it ... she loves your hands please

- often jokes around with you, she always did but moreso now that you’re dating

- she likes to tease you a bit but it’s all in good fun, plus bonus points if you get flustered

- she wants to brush and do your hair in the morning (yes even if short)

- she lets you brush and do her hair too though

- in a modern au would totally be the type to make you music playlists and have you listen to them but okay

- she finds comfort in being around you, even in her worst times

- which would’ve saved her tbh

- she tries not to think too much about the future, or a future that could be without you.. she just wants to live in the present with you for now and pretend everything’s gonna be okay

- she’s (mainly cuz of her father) had thoughts about having a normal life with you and getting married and having kids

- she knows that can’t happen, not for a long time :(

- clings to your arm a lot

- she’s good at comforting you

- she’d do anything to keep you from being moody or sad

- she’s also very sappy sometimes

- blushy boy, anytime he’s around you his entire face is filled with an enormous blush that anybody can notice

- while people might not notice things about bertholdt they can at the very least notice his rather obvious crush on you

- if you haven’t made a move by now you either wanna see him do it himself or your oblivious as fuck

- lots of stutters

- probably sweats a little tbh

- stares at you constantly, it’s hard not to notice and Reiner comments on it quite a bit

- if you’re a soldier he definitely feels guilty, but considers taking you back home with Reiner (kinda like ymir with historia)

- he tells you how he feels finally because Reiner keeps egging him about it

- he’s a blushy mess as he confesses, but he’s happy that you say yes

- in a relationship he can be insecure at times, he doesn’t think highly of himself so it’s to be expected

- just reassure him:(

- of course you would know about his secret if you’re a soldier, and you’d have to be okay with it and not expose him. Of course he’ll say his side of the story and all that. It’s likely you take his now

- he’s still a blushy nervous ... and rather obvious boy

- sometimes he just wants to hold your hand but is too shy to but he’s so obvious about it since he keeps staring

- just take this mf hand already

- he’s too shy for a lot of things tbh

- also side note if you’re really short like historia that is so funny to him but he doesn’t say it out loud

- will absolutely swoon if you touch or play with his hair, first of all you’re probably too short to reach his hair so it’s not a common occurrence (or if not, always in public), but also because nobody’s done that before it makes him feel so loved

- after dating for awhile and being a bit more confident he is the type to say I love you often, he can’t help it because he genuinely does love you but sometimes is scared it’ll lose its meaning because he says it so often

- is extremely protective actually, light cause him to make some grave mistakes on the battlefield because of how protective he can be of you

- you in general got him swooning

- he likes to cook for you (back at home?)

- in general would love to just spoil you

- if you do the same he dies

- if you ever compliment him, big blush on his face

- honestly can’t help but talk about you to Reiner, Reiner likes hearing about it though and he’s not annoyed by it because Reiner is a sweet boy that likes hearing his friend be happy

- while he likes you laying on him, likes laying on you more, like your lap or something ..

- he’s a big cuddle baby he wants to be held despite being so tall he is just.. please

- he wants to protect you during the day but at night just wants to feel safe and protected in your arms

- if you were ever threatened, if you are attacked and etc he is gonna be yelling he ain’t going down without a fight

- you make his brain short circuit and you make him stupid

[boognish-worshipper]

Remember the Rain

praying this is the final part of “Sunrise, Sunset” by the time i’m done omg ,, lamar finally talks it out with frank. i was tryna keep the titles consistent with a sky theme? wasn’t sure what to name this one at first, but i settled on naming it after a i song that i felt was sorta fitting lol ,, also lamar’s dramatic when drunk, that’s jus how it’s gonna be

oh and i included one last convo w/ that psychic lady bc each character got three opportunities to speak to her lol

//

The night Franklin and him fought was the third night in a row Lamar couldn’t sleep right. Then it became four. Then five. Six. He had hoped after the first couple days of Franklin being mad, that it’d all blow over and things would go back to normal. That he wouldn’t ever have to say anything about what he felt deep down. Even though he told himself he had to, he wouldn’t. He waited it out, and still hoped it would all just fucking blow over. That wasn’t what happened of course.

An overcast sky was spread over LS, light rain tapping against Lamar’s window. As cheesy as it was, it reflected how he felt. Another day had passed. Franklin wasn’t picking up, not even reading his texts, nothing. He called a couple times at first when the fourth day of the silent treatment occurred, then tried a few more times to contact him in the following days. It had grown into a long and sad string of texts.

franklin.

dog

plz

pick up

answer me

plz?

c’mon frank i told you i have nothin goin on with yo auntie

i wanna talk things out with you.

u ain’t let me finish explaining

text me when u read this. plz bro

He sighed. This was hopeless. He set his phone aside, still laying awake. A buzz came right after. Fucking finally, something.

fuck you

we got nothin to discuss

He didn’t know how to feel. This was fucking him up and he couldn’t think straight. He tried calling him once more, the ringing as he waited for a pick up mocking him. Voicemail yet again. How many messages had he tried leaving at this point?

for fucks sake frank pick up

u ain’t doin this to me rn

jus let me explain myself

He stared at the ceiling yet again, like it would have all the answers sprawled out for him. As he did, he focused on how the rain had picked up, coming down harder. Then he felt his phone buzz.

no

now stop blowing my phone up

i’m tryna sleep

Lamar was never one to be sensitive, but he felt so crushed right now that all he could do was cry silently to himself. He didn’t even have Chop around anymore to comfort him like he normally would whenever Lamar was going through something. Would he even see him again? He lived over at Frank’s now. Fuck. Did this mean they’d have to share custody now? If he wasn’t so upset, he most likely would’ve laughed at the idea of it. He was letting bad thoughts consume him, turning to a last minute resort of drinking to try stopping it. This kind of thing rarely happened to him, these kind of feelings weren’t common. He knew no other method of trying to stuff bad feelings down, working through a 6 pack of beer on his own, followed by a bottle of some type of random liquor. Anything to stifle the pain in his chest, although it didn’t accomplish much other than making him feel even more queasy. He left one last voicemail, choking back a sob. Or what he had thought would be the last one. He lost count.

“Franklin. Please jus’ talk to me already man. You- you believin’ what you wanna believe right now, you ain’t even givin’ me a chance. You my best fuckin’ friend, don’t that mean shit to you anymore? We.. homies n shit.” He sniffled, cringing to himself when he said the words “best friend”. Franklin was so much more than that to him.

“Ion… Ion think I can live without you in my life. You can’t hate me man that shit.. that’s fucked. This is fucked. I’m fucked.”

A strong feeling of humiliation hung around him for many reasons, one being that he was fully crying now, over the phone. He couldn’t get any lower.

“You jus’ mad right now. But you.. you won’t be, eventually. Right? Please get back to me soon. Please. I’d rather fuckin’.. die or sum’ than have you hatin’ me n shit. At this point I might as well.”

After hanging up, he decided to visit that site one last time. His tears blurred his vision, making it harder to type. The shit in his system didn’t help either.

lady

i fuckef up

thsi is yo faukt

What now? Why are you back?

frankljn hates me

He does? That’s not right.

damn straighy it fuckign isnt

No, I mean that’s not correct.

There’s no way that he could, even if it seems like it right now.

jus fuckin tell me whst to do

That’s out of my hands.

is not u fuckin wirch

*withc

*witch

Look, I really don’t know how else to help you. I don’t have any other visions to offer. You’re on your own.

They do say though, that dreams are visions themselves.

dont fukcin speak in riddles rn

Precognition, Lamar. Just have faith

prewhatnow

n yeah. faith. bc that helps so fuckn much

All I can say to you is good luck - it’s all coming together. Just wait.

th fuck does that mean?

It means that you’re stressing too much - you better sleep it off. Farewell Lamar. You’re gonna have a killer hangover you know…

SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.

The notification did nothing but make him more upset. He calmed down eventually, the crying and alcohol tiring him out. He blacked out soon after, not remembering when he fell asleep.

For the first time in a while, he dreamt about the two of them. The start of the dream showed a radiant sight before them, the sky lit up in a million shades. Chop was laying beside Franklin, head on his thigh. All three of them sat on a grassy knoll, a soft breeze blowing through each blade. Franklin turned, Lamar not taking his eyes off him since the dream started. He only noticed the sky’s wide color palette because the intensity struck Franklin’s face just right. He looked right into Lamar’s eyes, speaking softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“What?”

“You had so many opportunities. So many times, I thought that you would. I got my hopes up, you know. I waited. When Tanisha left.. I only had you.”

“Tanisha..”

“I still love her. I.. I think apart of me always will, but I love you just the same. Even if you drive me up a Goddamn wall sometimes. You both mean the world to me.”

Franklin looked back at the view ahead. A heavenly indigo replaced the vivid hues from before.

“But she’s gone now. Shit ain’t the same. All I know is you stayed when she didn’t. Even when she got pulled outta the hood and made some kinda new life for herself, you never left my side. Never changed yo loyalties.”

He turned back to face Lamar again. His eyes were glassy, the glow of the midnight sky reflecting in them.

“So why didn’t you say somethin’ sooner?”

“Franklin.. I ain’t deduce that shit ‘til now.“

“You really didn’t know?”

Even in the dream he could feel that previous frustration occur in his mind. Was he hiding in a glass closet or something? He could only let out a wry laugh.

“Yeah man. I was a fuckin’ fool, jus’ like you always said.”

“Damn straight.” He chuckled, and Lamar came to the conclusion that he could listen to that laugh forever. Franklin’s face then fell solemn.

“Y’know I really thought that.. I really thought that you jus’ got with someone else. Not even jus’ my Aunt. I saw how you wanted to get away from me, and I thought…” He stopped himself, petting Chop’s head.

“I.. wanted to be happy if you was, but the thought of that at all bothered me.”

“Why?”

“Cuz you were all I had, dog. Mike n Trevor, they have their own lives, their own history n shit. I can’t always rely on them. Denise don’t give a fuck what happen to me. You my lifeline dog, I’ve known you for years. I didn’t want you to forget me over a chick or sum’. That day you acted all different n shit, it worried me.”

“Hey man, y’know I ain’t ever gon pull that shit on you. I’m with you for life.”

“Then don’t pull other kinda stupid shit on me.”

“Whatchu mean?”

“You can’t ever die on me bro. That ain’t how this shit works.”

“Ay man, I don’t plan on dying jus’ yet. Not unless yo ass by my side. Not ‘til I tell you I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

Franklin got closer to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes shone as the stars around them fell from the sky, akin to raindrops, hitting them. Everything about him was flooding Lamar’s senses, and it felt surreal, between his aroma and all the other things he loved about Franklin. Golden flecks covered them both, and the stars continued to crash down. The sky was growing darker than before.

“Just say the words Lamar. Say them and this shit’ll be over.”

“How?”

“Well first you need to wake yo ass up.”

“Huh?”

“I said wake up, fool!”

Lamar’s blissful dream had been interrupted by an unknown figure shaking him, literal raindrops hitting his face. He was still bleary eyed, only seeing a vague silhouette in front of him. A wet slap to the face rattled his brain around, the hangover settling in. Shit, was he still drunk? What time was it?

“Lamar! Get up!”

“Oh.. Th’fuck? Who- who that is?” He grunted out.

“It’s me you fuckin’ clown!”

“Frank?”

“Who the fuck else?”

“Why are you-”

He was abruptly yanked out of bed, thudding to the floor with a small “oof”.

“Get up you punk bitch!”

“Franklin what the fuck-”

He was grabbed again, tossed back onto his bed. Franklin straddled him, shaking Lamar by the collar.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He said, Lamar getting another slap to the face.

“What in the fresh fuck is you talkin’-” Another slap.

“15 fuckin’ missed phone calls! 15! Are you fuckin’ nuts?!”

Lamar’s eyes practically popped out of his head. 15? What the fuck did he say to him?

“I did what-”

Franklin shook him even harder by his shirt, stretching the material out. He was straining his voice now.

“You had me worried like fuckin’ crazy! I thought you was in some sorta fuckin’ trouble again! You blew my phone up when I told yo ass not to, and then didn’t fuckin’ pick up after I heard the first couple special messages you left me!”

Oh God. This was it. He told Franklin everything, didn’t he? The color drained from his face.

“Oh fuck me..” He mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes.

“What?!” Franklin yelled, shaking him again. Lamar’s head was pounding.

“Franklin.. what.. what I say on there? I barely remember a thing, let alone callin’ yo ass.”

“You seriously don’t fuckin’ remember?!”

“Yeah. Seriously, man.”

Franklin slid off of him, putting a palm to his face. He breathed through his nose hard, trying to calm down. Lamar realized he was drenched from the small downpour outside. Pellets of rain thumped against the window as a reminder that the storm never went away.

“You.. fuck, man. You started sayin’ all this shit about how bad a fuckin’ friend you was. That you, you was hidin’ all this shit and couldn’t live another day without tellin’ me.”

Okay. Good. He didn’t tell him the truth.

“You told me you wanted to die dog. Didn’t realize yo dumbass was safe n sound asleep in yo fuckin’ bed.”

“Oh.”

“…’Oh’? Is that really all you have to say?!”

“F, I was jus’ drunk. It was dumb of me, I know, but I.. It’s nothing, okay?”

“Don’t do this shit to me man! I’ve already dealt with enough of yo fuckin’ schemes n shit-”

“Frank.”

“It’s 3 am! You had Chop barkin’ his Goddamn head off the whole night!”

“Franklin.”

“Then I race my ass over here to find yo drunkass self passed out in bed-”

“Franklin.”

“What! What?! You finally gonna put yo two cents in for once?”

“Stop yelling. My head hurts like a bitch right now.”

“Good! I’m fuckin’ glad because I know mine does as well you fuckin’ asshole!”

Lamar looked pathetically up at him. This was getting out of hand. He let it go on for too long.

“Why did you come here then?” He croaked.

“Because you were fuckin’ sobbin’ into the phone! All I heard was you cryin’ like mad fuckin’ crazy and it scared me. You don’t ever do that shit, not even when you fucked up.”

“How much I say?”

“I got the first message pretty fuckin’ clear, the rest was jus’ incoherent bullshit. I barely got through the second one before speedin’ on over. You sounded hurt n shit, I thought something happened. I thought you was a goner.”

“No weird shit though right? I ain’t say nothin’ bad?”

“What? Lamar, what the fuck are you on about? I just told you what yo ass cried out to me! I couldn’t even understand any of the other messages!”

“Okay, okay. That’s.. good I guess.”

“That’s good? Fuckin’ hell, why did I come here? You- ugh!”

“Franklin. Can you jus’ sit down before you pop a fuckin’ blood vessel? You stressin’ for nothin’.”

If anything, Lamar should be the one stressing right now. He had been so close to confessing without knowing. Franklin sat next to him, arms crossed.

“Franklin.”

“What.”

“I’m sorry that I scared you. I didn’t mean to.”

“Well good fuckin’ job, you accomplished that real well didn’t you.” He said, sarcastically applauding him.

“I thought you were cutting me off for good homie. You think I was gon’ let that happen?”

“Lamar, that still ain’t a good reason to freak me out like that in the middle of the night.”

“It’s only cuz you hadn’t been listenin’ to me bro. I’ve been wanting to tell you somethin’ so badly lately and I never.. got the chance.”

“Then do pray fuckin’ tell LD, what the fuck is so important that you had to do this shit to me at 3 AM!”

“Franklin man, c’mon-”

“No! Don’t start!”

Franklin stood, heading for the door as he spoke. He stopped in the threshold.

“Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on with you, or I’m leavin’ yo sad ass here to wallow. I mean it L.”

“Don’t be like that. Please man. I want to, but I-”

“Jus’ fuckin’ tell me! Why won’t you tell me?!”

“Frank-”

“I dragged my ass all the way over here for nothin’ didn’t I? You ain’t dead, you ain’t sayin’ shit, you jus’ bein’ so- ugh! Fuck!” He threw his hands up, exiting Lamar’s bedroom.

“I’m done man, fuck this.”

“Franklin wait- don’t go-” He pleaded.

Franklin did nothing but leave him stranded again, thunder rolling far in the distance. Lamar ran after him as he walked out the door, hearing the rain heavily hit the pavement. His mind was racing far ahead of him. Franklin was leaving, he was leaving for good, and he couldn’t. He can’t. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Franklin can’t do that, he can’t-

His mind had gone so far away, that he didn’t even realize that he had tackled Franklin to the ground. The two of them fell to the ground with a loud splat, followed by sounds of pain.

“Lamar what the fuck?!”

“Don’t go! Fuckin’ hell, I gotta chase yo ass and for what?!”

“Get off me dog!”

“No!” Franklin was pinned beneath him. The raindrops that rolled off of Lamar hit him in the face.

It reminded Lamar of when they were younger, playing football or whatever sport they could outside even as the deluge soaked them both to the bone. The roles had been reversed, with Franklin constantly knocking him down onto the grassy sludge. They got quite an earful from Lamar’s mom as they tracked mud in the house upon returning. It was a memory amongst many that stuck with him like glue. Those memories couldn’t go away. Franklin couldn’t go away.

Tears mixed in with the rain as he yelled out to him.

“You fuckin’ idiot! Why you makin’ this shit so hard for me?! You keep leavin’ before I can even finish!”

Franklin struggled to break free from Lamar’s grip on his wrists, huffing as he looked away.

“Look at me!” Lamar shouted, grabbing his face with a free hand.

“I didn’t wanna fuckin’ tell you like this, but Jesus Christ! For fucks sake you stubborn asshole-”

He was doing it. He bit the fucking bullet.

“You know how we got into that fuckin’ argument last week? When I told you that I was dealin’ with that whole love thing, I wasn’t talkin’ about yo Aunt, a hoe, nobody else! I was talkin’ about you!”

Lamar threw himself off of him, stumbling backwards. Franklin propped himself onto his elbows. He finally said it. He said it, and he was far from finished.

“But you didn’t wanna fuckin’ listen! And now I’ve fucked our friendship over for a second time! All because of you! This whole thing has been drivin’ me fuckin’ insane lately, and I couldn’t do shit about it! I tried so, so hard to avoid this, but nothin’ ever goes my way, huh?! Every time I think a plan of mine’ll work, it doesn’t! You know why?!”

Opening his arms wide, he spoke loud and clear, finishing his rant.

“Lemme remind you: I’m Lamar fuckin’ Davis! The biggest fuckin’ fool, fuckin’ clown, fuckin’ whatever you wanna call me! Lamar Davis, the most naïve bitch on the planet! Fuck me for thinking that this would ever go well!”

Now it was his turn to leave. But he didn’t go back into his house. His legs moved for him, walking in no particular direction. He just needed to get away from Franklin, not caring about how damp his clothes were now. He was shaking, and he didn’t know if it was from the rain or the range of emotions he was flying through.

He could hear a pair of sneakers squishing behind him. Franklin was running, and he was catching up fast.

“Ay Lamar! Get back here!”

Oh fuck. He was chasing after him now. That’s not good. Lamar started running himself, not caring about possibly slipping and falling on his ass. Only a few hours ago, he had told himself he couldn’t be without Franklin. Now all he wanted to do was run away.

“Lamar!”

Fuck fuck fuck.

He wasn’t fast enough. The second time they hit the ground, Lamar had the wind knocked right out of him, the duo splashing right into a puddle. Hands gripped his shoulders, flipping him around.

“Lamar!”

There were only a few instances in his life where Lamar felt small. He’d always been big in character, big in height, and according to him, big in other ways. But this was one of those moments where he couldn’t help but flinch, wanting to collapse in on himself. He was so tired.

“If you gon’ beat my ass or somethin’ jus’ get it over with.” He sighed, shutting his eyes tight.

When he felt nothing but raindrops touch his face, he opened his eyes slowly. His heart sank when he did. Franklin was visibly upset, guilt in his eyes.

“Lamar. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

A wave of déjà vu washed over him. Oh. So that’s what precognition meant. Motherfucking psychic lady.

“You should’ve jus’ told me man.”

“I tried dog. You wouldn’t hear me out.”

“Cuz I.. I thought you got with someone. I didn’t wanna hear it straight from yo mouth if you was.”

He shifted up, Frank sitting in his lap.

“Y’know I always thought that.. Part of me jus’ kinda thought that it’d always be the two of us. I’m never gonna get Tanisha back.. but you..”

Franklin looked away.

“You a crazy ass loyal motherfucker man. You stuck by my side no matter what, and some dumbass part of me was convinced that you… I mean fuck, so many times I thought you would jus’ flat out say something. Somethin’ so I could stop waiting for the one other person I had known forever to just say that they fuckin’ loved me like that.”

Lamar blinked, rainwater getting into his eyes. It wasn’t quite as serene as his dream had been, nor was it verbatim, but Lamar didn’t care. There was something about the way the water droplets sat along Franklin’s face, highlighted by a streetlight behind him that made him look angelic.

“When you started actin’ all weird it jus’.. made me so fuckin’ mad man. I thought you was gon’ pick someone else over me. Jus’ like Tanisha did.”

“Franklin..”

“So why didn’t you jus’ say somethin’ sooner? I waited. Hell, I don’t even know why I did at first.”

“Franklin.”

“But now I’m realizin’ you must not have even noticed yoself what you was feelin’, when I fuckin’ did. I noticed and you didn’t and-”

Lamar grabbed him by the face, grip surprisingly strong after being in the rain.

“How many times do I gotta say yo name for you to hear me?”

The rain kept falling, never slowing for either one of them. Yet, it felt like time stopped. Lamar chuckled lightly.

“Franklin Clinton and Lamar Davis. Two of the dumbest motherfuckers in LS. Homies for life.”

“Yeah. Homies for life.”

His hands never left Franklin’s face. He pressed their foreheads together, lowering his voice.

“I love you, bum ass bitch.”

“Yeah yeah. I love you too.”

He kissed the top of his head, moving his hands down to embrace him in a tight hug. When was the last time they did this? As he thought it over, he could hear Franklin’s voice muffled against his chest.

“Don’t scare me like that again. Next time save us both the trouble n jus’ spill yo heart out. Dramatic motherfucker.”

The words had no malice in them, Lamar feeling him smile as he said it. He kissed him once more, and they just sat in the rain, feeling it bathe them in fond memories.

//plz listen to remember the rain by 21st century it’s so good 💔😭 anyway ya i decided to end it on a sorta happy note !!!!! franklin is a stubborn guy smh,, sorry for any typos lol also i rlly had no idea where i wanted to go with this so sorry if it’s weird or whatever

[psychewithwings]

Pregnant s/o hcs: Mirio, Bakugo, Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida, Tamaki

SFW, just super fluffy 

Mirio:

If you don’t think this man is tearing up when you tell him... uhhh you’d be wrong

He is crying over you and so happy, will kneel and just kiss your tummy 

And when you’re in bed that night going to sleep, every few minutes he will nuzzle in closer and whisper, “hey guess what? We’re gonna have a baby” 

Anytime he says he loves you now he says it to your tummy too 

“I love you Y/n, I love that you are mine and I love that you’re going to be the mother of my child” *bends down* “And I love you too baby” 

He will have a really hard time waiting until the second trimester to tell anyone but once he is able, everyone will know, and he’s going to have a party in your honor. 

He will treat you like a queen, back rubs and foot rubs...

I feel like when you first tell him you’re pregnant he will come home a few days later with a box... when you open it, it’s a maternity dress, and its actually really pretty, with lace and silk, and nice and stretchy... 

“I know you don’t need it now, but I saw it when I was out and thought it would look perfect on you...”

He will compliment you every second of every day, will trace your stretch marks and tell you they make you beautiful because it’s all part of you becoming a mother, it’s a natural tattoo, a reminder of how you’re growing a life inside you

He will want to throw a gender reveal party 

And no, it can’t be as simple as balloons popping out of a box, he’s gotta have something extravagant to celebrate like fireworks, monster trucks, or a paid actor dressed as a baby

You’re having his baby! This is a pinnacle moment in his life and he is not about to have some basic ass party

Mirio is definitely the kind of guy who thinks you can’t have sex because it could hurt the baby, you will have to make a very embarrassing call to your doctor about that... 

He is looking forward to owning dad sandals (who are we kidding he prolly already does)

Bakugo:

This man will shit himself, make sure he is sitting down

“Bakugo... I’m pregnant”

“Hah?” 

“I’m having a baby! You’re gonna be a dad”

He’s really happy and excited, he has no doubt you’ll be an amazing mom but he’s kinda worried about him being a dad... 

Am I fit to raise a kid? Will I be a good dad?

He will probably start working more and almost go on over drive... He will start coming home later, picking up earlier shifts... And when you ask him, “Katsuki, are you not happy about the baby?”  He will kinda break down and tell you “No of course I’m fucking happy about the baby, I just want the world to be safe for our kid... and I only have 8 months till then and-” He drops to his knees in front of you and he’s tearing up. You’ll get onto your knees too and just hug him, “Katsuki, you can’t fix the world before we have our baby,” you’ll look at him lovingly as he realizes how absurd he was being. “But we can prepare to be the best parents we can be...” “Prepare? We’re already gonna be the best parents.”

Okay, Bakugo hypes up the baby too, like...

“Katsuki, come here! The baby is kicking!” *he puts his hand on your tummy* “Baby’s so strong, just like us,” *grabs you and kisses you* “I knew we made a fucking perfect kid”

He will try kill anyone who oversteps the boundary with the bump (like touching the bump without asking)

“OI EXTRA, you wanna take your fucking hands off my woman and my kid or do  I have to do that for you...” 

Bakugo would be very unnecessarily competitive in birthing class

Will wake you up in the middle of the night at least once, he’s just laying on his back staring wide eyed at the ceiling... “What if I explode the baby?”

You’ll roll over and look at him annoyed, “you won't explode the baby,” 

He will settle again once you give him cuddles 

You cannot tell me that he would not be your biggest cheerleader when you’re actually giving birth, “PUSH, FUCKING PUSH DUMB ASS!” 

Todoroki: 

This man freaks out for a sec... cuz daddy issues. But he has a strong resolve so he will come out of it quickly and decide how to 

“Shoto, you aren’t anything like Endeavor, you’re going to be an amazing dad”

He will be extremely happy, but his excitement will be softer

Everyday after you tell him he says you’re glowing

He will want to cook you special things because it’s healthy for the baby, or so his mother told him

Speaking of his mother, she taught him how to knit when he went to visit her in the hospital so you’ll find him knitting little hats and bootie and jackets for the baby

He will nest just as much, if not more than you do

You’ll find him awake at 3AM trying to put together some bullshit ikea thing for the baby with the tiny allen wrench they give you for free. “Shoto, come back to bed... we can do that in the morning” “But the baby needs somewhere to sleep,” “Yes, and I’m not due for another two months”

Shoto is already so soft but I think he would be softer

Like when you fall asleep on the couch, he gets home and just cuddles up to you and asks your bump how it’s day was. He will talk to the bump until you wake up and then he just pepper your face with kisses.  

He is the only one of all these men who doesn’t shit himself and die when watching the birthing tape. I think he would be calm and say something like “a woman’s body is made to carry and deliver a child, there’s nothing to be frightened of.”

Midoriya: 

When you tell him, he’s gonna cry

He will want to call his mom right away  

Midoriya is the kinda guy to have a box of his things from when he was a kid stored away to give to his child (it’s all All Might merch but, ya know)

He definitely panics and worries if he is going to be a good father but he takes all that anxiety and just turns it into energy to care for you with

He is already signing you up for birthing classes 

This man would take you to all your doctors visits, acupuncture appointments, prenatal massages, and even a strange healing session done in the back room of a health good shop (don’t worry, he checked google reviews, 346 people, and 5 stars) (You weren't sure about it at first, but you felt very at peace afterwards, def worth the 5 star review)

He just really wants you to be happy and healthy

It would be understatement to say he treats you like a queen... he treats you like a goddess, and he tells you everyday how grateful he is that you’re his love and giving him a baby. Especially when you feel insecure about how your body is changing

He will want to make the nursery Hero themed... with an All Might wall decal... you’ll eventually opt for something a little less... exuberant like jungle animals or something. But the compromise is the All Might mobil that spins and says “I am here” while playing twinkle twinkle little star.

He will read to the bump, and sing to it because he wants the baby to know his voice

Will make a ‘goodnight’ song with you for the baby to sing to it every night 

Tenya: 

Tenya is so excited and immediately starts thinking of things he needs to do for you and baby

The day after he will come home with a bag from the store full of prenatal vitamins and herbal teas that are safe to drink 

“My love! I have brought you Evening Primrose supplements, it’s supposed to help with your delivery.” 

I think he has name ideas picked out already and is very excited to show them to you. They are all related to the Iida family.

He would ask his brother for advice and would be so excited to tell him when it’s time. 

Don’t even worry about pregnancy brain. Iida’s got you, he will help you remember everything you need to know and he will be patient with your cloudy thoughts. 

Iida is so matter of fact tho, I can see it coming off as insensitive, especially when you’re dealing with mood swings.

“Darling, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you it’s just that those chips make your stomach hurt and I was only trying to-” “YOU JUST DONT WANT ME TO BE HAPPYYYY!!!!!!” “My darling, I want all the happiness in the world for you, you are the mother of my child, I- please don’t cry” 

He really loves you a lot and he will learn to be a little gentler with you during this phase of the pregnancy

Braxton hicks contractions (the little fake contractions you get during the third trimester, closer to the due date) will send him into panic mode. 

But he is also so organized that he is R E A D Y 

You clutch your stomach and inhale sharply and sit down, he’s already running to get the hospital bag and getting the keys for the car. 

(The hospital bag includes, diapers, baby clothes, blankets, stress balls for you to squeeze during contractions and a birth mix which includes mostly Baroque composers but theres a few taylor swift and harry styles songs because he thinks it would be cool if the baby was born to Adore You, because Iida adores you and that baby so much)

Tamaki:

He is terrified

But ultimately knowing that he has a child on the way actually does wonders for his confidence because he wants his child to have a good example and he doesn’t want the child to inherit his crippling shyness

He really is there for you and much like Shoto, shows it in a soft way

Tamaki is so food oriented already that he is especially considerate of your cravings and would probably try them, no matter how weird they are

Pregnancy makes you super hungry but thats okay because Tamaki is a brilliant cook

Tamaki is also very sensitive to the knowledge that it will change after the baby is born and that he has you all to himself for just a little while longer

He is going to take you on special weekend trips, like a sleepy beach town to just relax and eat good food

He will also take you on extra dates because he just wants to soak up your time together as a couple

He is very aware of how much work you’re doing constantly to carry his child and he will want to spoil you 

“Y-you’re just so beautiful, a-and you chose me, and now you’re carrying my child...I just... I love you so much and thank you for letting me be yours b-because you make me so happy.” 

He will freak out when he sees the birthing tape

“I-I am so sorry, I can’t believe I’ve put you through this... you’re- you-  This is all my fault...” *panic panic panic*

But when you’re actually in labour he is very supportive, he will just apologize while you’re screaming in agony and wish there was something else he could do other than bring you ice chips...

[stiltonbasket]

but ALSO okay so first of all thank you so much for the ficlets so far they are Adorable and i love them so much. second of all i am so glad you opened prompts again bcuz. i have. smth ive been wanting to read for a WHILE. so. prompt: junior generation post-canon, they all have super high standards for romantic partners cuz they spend time with Super Lovey Dovey WangXian. not like jiang cheng's List but smth a la Tenille Arts's Somebody Like That iykwim

i hope its not too late to insert a detail to my prompt!!! (i ran outta chara space in the og prompt message and then forgot ^^" ) but theres just one thing!! i really wanna see!!!! in the wangxian spoiling each other bit!!!!! (and the juniors being all That is Love Why Should We Settle For Less) -- i want lan zhan walkin around at one point with his hair in a braid and flowers braided in!!! and if asked he gets all soft and looks at it and is like "wei ying did it" ahhh i love the image <3

can anybody find me (somebody to love)

by stiltonbasket

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?” 

(Or, the one where Jin Rulan visits the Cloud Recesses, contemplates his love life, and gets a new point of view on the Lan sect's taxation policy.)

Jin Ling is seventeen the year his dajiu marries Hanguang-jun, and finally gives Jin Ling the right to call Lan Sizhui his cousin. Sizhui’s always been his cousin, of course—they’ve been cousins since Jin Ling was born, even if neither of them knew it—but he couldn’t say so, because that would mean telling everyone that Sizhui was born a Wen. And telling everyone that Sizhui was a Wen would lead to terrible things, so Jin Ling keeps his mouth shut until after his dajiu’s wedding.

“You could just say that he was born to us during the Sunshot Campaign!” Wei Wuxian laughed, when he finally heard why Jin Ling wanted him to hurry up and take his three bows with Hanguang-jun. “Half the cultivation world already thinks he’s ours, anyway.”

But regardless of whether he could call Sizhui his biao-ge in public, Sizhui is first and foremost a very dear friend; and so are Lan Jingyi and A-Qing and Ouyang Zizhen, though Jin Ling’s best friend is probably Zizhen, just like Sizhui’s is Jingyi. He visits them in Gusu as often as he can, since all of them save Zizhen live there, and even Zizhen hangs around the Cloud Recesses more often than not. 

“Don’t you have a clan of your own?” Jin Ling frowns, when he visits his dajiu around midsummer to find the younger boy eating xiaolongbao in the jingshi’s new kitchen. “How come you’re still here, A-Zhen? The lectures ended weeks ago!”

“I’m almost sixteen,” Zizhen yawns, reaching for a shallow dish of black vinegar and soaking a salted mushroom in it. “Father says I’m old enough to go where I like, and Lan-xiansheng said I could keep studying with the Lan disciples as long as I stayed.”

“You’re just here for the food,” grumbles Jin Ling. His dajiu is a good cook when he doesn’t cover everything in chili peppers, and Jiujiu once told him in confidence that Wei-dajiu’s food was the closest Jin Ling would ever get to having his mother’s. But a steaming plate of xiaolongbao lands in front of Jin Ling before he can really start thinking about that, and then his baby cousin crawls into his lap and steals one of the soup dumplings.

“Ling-gege pays taxes,” three-year-old Lan Yu says serenely, poking a hole in the xiaolongbao and sucking out the broth. “Xiao-Yu can have one more?”

“Taxes?” Jin Ling stares at him. “What in the world does he mean?”

Wei Wuxian laughs and comes back over to give him another succulent soup dumpling to replace the one Xiao-Yu stole. “He’s pretending to be the sect leader,” he explains, ruffling Jin Ling’s hair on his way back to the stove. “And he found out about tax management this morning, since Lan Zhan and Xichen-ge are thinking about lifting the luxury tax on goods from some of the minor sects. But A-Yu thinks taxes are presents for the sect leader, so…”

“One more bao tax for xiao-Lan-zongzhu!” Xiao-Yu says imperiously, holding out his chubby hands. “Ling-gege give, please?”

“That is not polite, Xiao-Yu,” Hanguang-jun scolds, sweeping into the kitchen with A-Yuan and Jingyi behind him and A-Qing bringing up the rear. He lifts Xiao-Yu into his arms and sits him down on the bench next to Zizhen, and then he reaches up for a stack of patterned bowls and passes them around to the others. 

Jin Ling still hasn’t gotten used to eating at the Chief Cultivator’s table, even if Hanguang-jun is technically his uncle now. Sometimes Hanguang-jun even does the cooking, and feeds Wei-dajiu with his own chopsticks while everyone else watches, and then Jin Ling tries to choke himself to death on the bamboo shoots in his yan du xian before deciding that Lanling can’t afford to lose the first decent zongzhu it’s had since his great-grandfather’s time. 

“I wish I was married,” Ouyang Zizhen sighs dreamily, resting his cheek on his hand as Xiao-Yu tries to steal his dumplings next. On his other side, A-Qing’s cheeks flush crimson, and she stares resolutely down at her hands while Hanguang-jun offers her a plate of savory vegetables. “It looks so nice, Wei-qianbei.”

“It is nice,” Wei-dajiui winks—and oh, gross, because Hanguang-jun is blushing now, and staring at Wei Wuxian as if he’s the most amazing thing in the world. “Marrying Lan Zhan is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Mm,” Hanguang-jun says quietly, putting a heaping spoonful of potato congee into his husband’s bowl. “Wei Ying is the best thing that happened to me, too.”

Ouyang Zizhen wails. 

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?”

“What, you want an arranged marriage?” Wei-dajiu frowns. “ I never went through the process myself—” and Hanguang-jun reaches out and squeezes Wei-dajiu’s waist, as if even thinking about Wei-dajiu seeing a matchmaker was too much— “and I don’t really know anyone who did, since Yunmeng’s a lot freer about these things. Are you sure, Jingyi?”

“I’m not asking for a matchmaker,” Jingyi says, tossing his long ponytail over his shoulder. “I want to know what to look for if my love of a lifetime comes along. So what were you looking for?”

“Nothing when I was your age, A-Yi. I thought I would spend my whole life at Lotus Pier, and marry one of the shijies or shimeis who liked me. But then I met Lan Zhan, and…”

And then his ideal became Hanguang-jun, Jin Ling finishes, chewing on a mouthful of mustard greens. Everyone knows that, Jingyi!

Unfortunately, the conversation doesn’t end there. It goes on for the better part of an hour, and all through the course of coconut pudding Hanguang-jun made for dessert, and Jin Ling can’t even leave because that would be rude, and the food is too good to pass up even if Ouyang Zizhen wants to ask about kissing now.

“How old is old enough to have your first kiss?” he inquires, while Lan Sizhui giggles into his hands and elbows Zizhen to make him stop. “I’m sixteen, so is that too young?”

“I was thirty-eight when I first kissed Wei Ying,” Hanguang-jun says dryly. “I would advise patience, unless Ouyang-gongzi already has a beloved one in mind.”

Jin Ling wants to die. Why is his extended family like this?

“Pudding tax,” Xiao-Yu announces from his lap. “Ling-gege, can A-Yu have a bite?”

“I’m Sect Leader Jin, though. I don’t have to pay you taxes.”

Xiao-Yu gives him a serious little nod before turning to Sizhui. “Yuan-gege, pay pudding taxes.”

“You’ve had enough pudding,” Sizhui scolds; and indeed, the dishes are mostly empty now, except for the serving bowls in the middle of the table. “Come on, A-Yu. Let’s go visit the rabbits.”

They end up at the rabbit field about ten minutes later, after Jingyi and Sizhui help Hanguang-jun with the dishes. Jin Ling thinks it must make a very strange picture: after all, one doesn’t often see three Lan juniors, one Ouyang sect heir, one Jin sect leader, and one Lan baby lying in the grass with bunnies climbing over them. But the peace and quiet is beautifully welcome after the political unrest in Lanling and the dog food in Wei-dajiu’s tiny kitchen, so Jin Ling closes his eyes and settles down for a nap with a small white rabbit on his chest. 

“I think Shufu was right,” he hears A-Qing say. “There’s no point in having a list of requirements. Look at what happened to Jiang-zongzhu.”

“His first list was terrible, though,” Zizhen objects. “And he’s going to be married by next spring, so it worked for him in the end. After he fixed his requirements, I mean.”

“Gossipping is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses,” Sizhui says tranquilly. “And what Father meant was that having a list means you might miss your fated one when they come along, so it’s best to think about what you want, instead of what your beloved should be.”

“I’d like it if my wife liked to eat my cooking,” sighs Zizhen—he’s an excellent cook, too, and Jin Ling knows for a fact that A-Qing’s favorite food is the shrimp and water spinach Zizhen’s mother taught him to make. “Then I could cook, and she could wash our children’s hands and bring them to the kitchen when I was done, and we would all eat together.”

“I think I’d like a husband who knew how to do my hair,” A-Qing says, not even trying to be subtle. Jin Ling has seen the combs Zizhen keeps giving her, even if they’re far too young for a courtship, and Zizhen is always the first to offer assistance whenever A-Qing’s hair falls out of its bun. “Even a plain bun is too hard for me, since my hair’s so bushy.”

Zizhen nearly drops his rabbit. “Oh,” he whispers, blushing so hard that his neck turns red. “That’s good!”

Jin Ling wants to die. He can’t stand visiting Lotus Pier because his jiujiu is obviously courting, even if he won’t say he is, and now he’s going to have to watch A-Qing and Zizhen flirt until Zewu-jun and Ouyang-zongzhu give them permission to get married. 

“What about you, Jingyi?”

“Huh? Oh, I want to marry someone who won’t mind how loud I am,” Jingyi shrugs. “Or someone even louder than me, so we can make trouble together. A-Yuan?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, actually,” Sizhui sighs. “I’m Zewu-jun’s heir, so I have to get married, but I’m not sure if I want to.”

A moment of silence. 

“Then you won’t have to,” Jin Ling says. Everyone stares at him. “Zewu-jun didn’t get married, and Hanguang-jun wouldn’t have if Wei-dajiu didn’t come back to life. You can just choose an heir born to one of your cousins, since Jingyi was going to inherit the sect before Hanguang-jun adopted you.”

The others swoop in to assure Sizhui that no one’s going to make him get married, and Jin Ling folds his arms behind his head and wonders if his biao-ge could possibly be like Zewu-jun: a yi xin yi shen, whole in heart and body, who eschewed marriage in favor of cultivation. It would explain a lot, Jin Ling thinks, because even he knows what it feels like when someone makes his heart beat fast and his face turn pink, and Sizhui’s never felt that way. 

(Jin Ling tries not to think of Nie-zongzhu’s hot-tempered archivist, who knocked him into the dust with her saber the last time he visited Qinghe and then told him he had pretty eyes. Nie Shiyong is a few years older than him, and he usually ends up nursing several new bruises each time he meets her, but Jin Ling is man enough to admit to himself that he likes her. Maybe.)

“Xiao-Yu is sleepy,” little A-Yu says, interrupting his embarrassing train of thought before it can go any further. “Yuan-gege, I have a nap?”

“You can just sleep here,” Jingyi suggests. “The grass is soft enough, right? And you can use one of us for a pillow.”

“Jingyi,” Sizhui chides, and Jin Ling hears the long grass rustling as his cousin gets to his feet. “Come on, A-Yu. I’ll take you home to A-Niang.”

“No need,” someone else says; and that’s Hanguang-jun’s voice, coming up the hill from the direction of the jingshi. “I am here. A-Yu, come.”

Jin Ling scrambles up to greet his uncle by marriage (sect leader or not, jiujiu would kill him if he greeted the Chief Cultivator from the ground) and then he reels back and blinks in surprise, because Hanguang-jun’s hair is up in a loose braid instead of a half-topknot, and somebody seems to have decorated the braid with a row of half-bloomed lotus flowers. 

“Wei Ying did it,” Hanguang-jun says, with a small, soft smile that makes Sizhui and the others gasp. “He will do the same for your hair, too, if you ask.”

And then he lifts Xiao-Yu up into his arms and carries him away, leaving Jin Ling still frozen mid-bow with Jingyi and Zizhen gaping behind him.

“I think what Hanguang-jun meant is that the first requirement for marriage is love,” Lan Sizhui remarks, when Jin Ling finally snaps his mouth shut. “And that no matter what we want, or think we want, we shouldn’t settle for less.”

(Jin Ling is the first of his friends to marry, and he never forgets his biao-ge’s advice until the end of his days.)

[chaoticevilbean]

TT SW Fic #2.1

The Trio gets sent back to the CW universe. When this happens affects what happens from there. But, and here's the Big Thing: the three are separated from each other.

They get sent back just after ANH

Luke is currently still new to the whole "rebellion against the tyrannical empire" thing. Han has decided to stay, but not really, because he's been paid, but also he has to or the kid will get himself killed, but then he's leaving, but also not bec- And Leia is busy proving that she is as good a leader in politics as she is in war.

So when they get sent back in time, Luke is at full "Aw Shucks" with a little "Why is everyone staring at me?" thrown in. He wakes up in the middle of an unknown place, likely one that either was just battling or is currently a battlefield. He's very Shook at the sight of a Jedi general fighting alongside several clone troopers against B-style droids.

Leia ends up found by a very strange and very clumsy Gungan. He says he's a representative in the Republic. Leia puts two and two together. Then she calmly begins figuring out the best way to take down Palpatine without raising suspicions. It helps that anyone who sees her with this Gungan seems to assume she has good intentions by virtue of her tolerating him. And he is rather endearing in his amusing clumsy way.

Han wakes up next to Mace Windu in a prison cell. The Jedi has been captured. Han does not know that he's back in time. All he knows is that the Jedi says he magically appeared in the cell. He isn't chained. He helps the escape, wondering how he can get back to his friends and his girl, and Leia, too. Windu is wondering what the Force is up to, besides coming up with a strange way to get him out of prison.

Luke gets fully discovered by troopers, who he tries to befriend and succeeds as much as a random person with a lightsaber can when there was a battle not even ten minutes ago. Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan are brought to meet Luke. They assume he's a rogue Jedi. He does not dispute this, instead too preoccupied by the fact that he doesn't know much about the past and also Leia is gonna kill him.

Leia meets Senator Amidala. She begins her important work while aided by the one her parents always told her about.

Han figures out he's in the past. He does have a brief moment where he internally panics that he just freed an Imperial officer. Then he sees the lightsaber and the not-the-kid attached and finally puts it together. Windu offers to take him back to Coruscant, and expresses that the Council will want to meet him. Han decides that if there's Jedi, the kid'll find him eventually, so he might as well go.

Luke manages to keep the future a secret, but he also tells a lot of stuff that makes everyone take a step back. Like how he lost his entire squadron a short while back, not to mention his mentor, his family, his home, and now he doesn't know where his friends are. Granted, this is given over the course of at least a day, and he does get questions about the whole "fighter squadron" part, but still.

He also scrunches his nose at all the "weird" rules of the Jedi. Anakin mentions the no attachment rule and Luke gives him such a weird look that they manage to drag Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and three different clones into a philosophical debate that ends in "so long as your fear doesn't overwhelm you, attachment is okay." Basically just everything in moderation.

Leia manages to get access to the inhibitor chips. She also takes down several plots to give Palpatine more power. She befriends many senators she'd only heard about, or ones who would one day be as helpful as they could in an Imperial senate. She smirks when she hears about the rogue Jedi who keeps reprogramming droids to have free will, and getting various Separatists to desert through the power of ~friendship~ and ~sunshine~.

Han does not accept Sage Jedi Words. Not without much sass and argument. Every time Windu tries to say something about "A Jedi does not do x" or "Y is the way to z" Han responds with his own experiences. Using attachment as an example again, Han tells Windu that it's stupid.

In a war, attachment is how you remain sane. Yeah, it can make you worry and fearful because there's a kriffin' war going on, but if you learn that fear and worry are natural, learn that they're just like when you're excited or angry, then you learn to live with it. You learn to just take a deep breath and keep going. Also, if you don't properly teach emotional control, you end up with repressed adults who will break at the worst possible moments. This is all said in the most casual way possible, with lots of salt and sass, but still said.

Luke, being peak Sunshine Farmer from Two-Sun Tatooine, manages to give Ventress a headache from his bright, unshielded Force presence. He befriends ALL THE CLONES, and also that Separatist, and those droids over there, and that one feral loth cat, and also that bear. By the time they get to Coruscant, most of the army is willing to die for Luke, who would rather die than let that happen.

Upon arriving on Coruscanat, Anakin decides that he needs to save Luke from a meeting with the Council. He takes the kid to the Senate building, so he can meet Padme's new friend and Anakin can also 'say hello'. Luke enters the building with his father-who-doesn't-know-he's-a-father and goes to meet what he assumes is his mother because Anakin talks about her just like Leia talks about Han. They make it to Senator Amidala's office.

Anakin and Padme suddenly lose their hearing. Luke squeals, legitimately squeals, and rushes to hug Leia. She's not squealing, but she is ecstatic to see her friend. They start babbling to each other, and it sounds very much like a code to the other occupants of the room, but it's just because they're talking about "the Empire" and "Rogue One" and "Vader" and "Death Star". A lot of what they say makes no sense outside of context.

Luke: It's so weird to be away from the Empire but it doesn't feel that way. I nearly thought the clones were stormtroopers!

Leia: I know! And here, the Senate can actually do things, even if it's just as corrupt. But Palpatine's the Chancellor.

Anakin, about to interrupt to ask what that's supposed to mean: Wait just a minute, what's so bad about-

Luke, ignoring his father: At least he can't send Vader after us!

Leia: Yeah, and no Death Star to blow us all up.

Luke: And there's Jedi! They even have a temple! It's so cool!

Leia: You could actually be a real Jedi!

Etc. They talk for awhile.

Han makes it to Coruscant, and actually gets to meet one of his childhood heroes, Obi-Wan "The Negotiator" Kenobi. Who looks alarmingly like- Oh, kriff. Ben. The old spice-using hermit was his childhood idol. Kriff it all.

Ben tells him that the kid was here, but got dragged off by Han's other hero, Anakin "The Hero Without Fear" Skywalker- kriff, that's the kid's dad. He'll have to make a good impression. But apparently the Skywalkers took a trip to visit a senator. Leia's probably there. She was a senator until the whole Death-Star-and-Rebellion stuff.

Ben goes to comm them. Han can hear Luke and Leia in the background. Han snatches the communicator and starts yelling.

Han: WHAT THE KRIFF DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING‽ DO YOU WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN‽ CUZ THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN! *insert rant that makes both complete and no sense*

Han: *breathing heavily into the comm*

Luke, a little muffled: Sorry, Han.

Leia, also a little muffled: Didn't know the nerfherder was a Mama Bantha.

Han: Oh, is that how you wanna play? Listen here, you sh-

Anakin, speaking really fast: I'll have them back at the Temple by midnight, they love you, bye!

*comm clicks off*

Ben: ... Want a drink?

Han: Kriff yeah.

Palpatine fails because 1) Leia is a horrible goose 2) Luke is Tatooine's third sun 3) Han has common sense, no filter, and a will to live.

[fandom-hoarder]

listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

[fktonofwhatnow]

who wants a list of my a court of frost and starlight thoughts without context cuz youre gonna get it anyways

It's been 3 paragraphs and Feyre's talked about how much money she has at least 4 times 

"What kind of things do you paint?" “The things that need telling." what do u mean wait come back explain this to me what needs telling which story is this

Also apparently Rhys has tried to fix the slum situation but he can't because 

 It's tricky to move people out of their houses to fix them 

Aren't you like, so rich, can't you just build more houses like, in a different area and move all the poor people over there and then turn the used-to-be slums into another housing development to house more people  

"Mor shrugged, her heavy brown coat bringing out the rich soil of her eyes." Her what 

Mor: I don't know what to get Az

Feyre: Get him more knives! Guys love weapons! 

morrigan, handing azriel a knife:

azriel: all the better to stab myself with

everyone else: AZRIEL NO

Why would you give this man more sharp things he's not okay don't give him sharp things 

Apparently this whole city smells like salt and lemon verbena -squints- i dont believe u

Acofas: In which Vivane forces her husband to make her high lady too because Feminism. Honestly, Viviane is already equal in rank to Kallias in all but title why she mad

“I can let go of the taunts and the fact that he still harbors some hope of one day reuniting with Tamlin. But I cannot let go of how he treated you after Under the Mountain"

You know what I can't let go of Rhys 

The way you treated her under the mountain 

seam of my backside 

Why is ERIS HERE 

N O HES PLAYIN YALL FOR DAMN FOOLS

I love how pointless all these visits to the hewn city are 

"Why are we here? WE DON'T KNOW ! :D"

"How's your court, Eris?" MOR WAS SO DISTRACTED BY HIM BEING HERE THAT SHE DIDN'T HEAR THE ANSWER. Thanks Maas I hate it please tell me how the autumn court is doing i wanna know

Feyre: yeah theres no border expansion for any one of the courts and that's final 

Eris: you'd better tell that to Tamlin, his territory borders the human lands 

Maas: yeT ANOTHER NAME MOR HAD TO ADD TO HER HIT LIST

Isn't tamlin waiting for someone to put him out of his fucking misery anyways lmao Mor get in line to kill tamlin Right Behind Tamlin

I love that I'm just Still so confused about all this human queen business. Why do the human lands need 7 queens 

(gifts love language rant time) Excuse me why us all this gift stuff seen as a bore? Does the IC not realize how special unanticipated gifts are? "Elain isn't expecting anything from us, so just don't get her anything" ???? WHY NOT ??? THATS THE PERFECT TIME TO GET HER SOMETHING

"Azriel has always understood me. It's definitely his powers." Maybe he just gets you, bro 

Tamlin didn't have any shields around the house, none to prevent anyone from winnowing in or to guard against enemies appearing in his bedroom and slitting his throat. It was almost as if he was waiting for someone to do it." 

Feyre: bro why you so angry 

Rhys: I went just so I could get mad at Tamlin 

Feyre: Oh, that's okay, the things you said to him weren't wrong 

Rhys: I should have been the bigger male 

Feyre: oh honey you're always the bigger male, you're entitled to be be petty every once in a while ahahah 

Rhysand I just... How do you go to Tamlin's place, look into his dead eyes and consider that maybe he doesn't keep wards because he wants someone to break in and kill him and not feel a single shred of sympathy, and then decide to tell him how much you wish he would just die is that really a good idea

Cassian just said the words "little" and "Rhysie" in the same breath and I would prefer death 

Wait why is Elain mad at Nesta now too 

"Rhysand drinked deeply from his wineglass." who edited this

Gentlemales. feyre corrected Elain from saying gentlemen. to gentlemales.

Wow Feyre’s mad that Elain and Lucien don’t actually care that much about each other. “I don’t like to see either of you unhappy” it’s gonna be okay Feyre don’t force them to see each other

Please don’t make fun of the boys doin their thing okay I wanna snowball fight why are you guys judging them

I would like to personally thank Feyre for giving Rhys a boner while he’s naked with his bros

Who’s the illyrain baby now

why is feyre complaining about money when theres literally mountains of presents here

Could y'all at least pretend that you're excited to see nesta

Feyre just gave Rhys a whole ass selfie and he’s pretending he’s happy about it

Lets keep pounding the “stories that need to be told” in art in the most anti-climactic way possible

Yes we know art’s important can we also talk about how like the Illyrians are trying to rebel and i JUST KNOW that eris is playing yall

Hi Cassian if you understand nesta then why are you mad at nesta 

CASSIAN STOP BEING CREEPY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

“You’ll want this one” mY ASS i swear if yOU GOT HER LINGERIE

Rhys’ mom made all these dresses, just for feyre ???? I don’t believe you

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #436

from a couple days ago again; still don’t feel like rewriting any answers.

Do you own many pairs of shorts? I don't own any. Have you ever taken a close up shot of a flower? A hell of a lot; I love doing that. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yup. But I don't like hard alcohol and only really drink light fruity stuff, and I'm apparently no lightweight, so I got to the point I just really didn't want to drink anymore. Anything you might be giving up on soon? I have felt very, very hopeless with photography lately that sometimes I'm tempted. I don't think I will, but... it's hard. When was the last time you changed your picture on Facebook? It's been months. Have you ever painted a piece of furniture? Yes, actually. I helped Jason paint his shelf black. Do you have a favorite quote? No. Have you ever made a business card for yourself? No, but I have thought about it. I just really don't have nearly enough popularity among the local photographers to feel like I really need to design one. Did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? YES. I loved it. Are there any recipes you have memorized? No. Do you know your multiplication times tables? ... no lmao Have you ever been severely burned? Not severely, no. Did you ever dream that you had a baby? I actually have more than once. What was the weirdest thing you ever saw cross the road? I think a turkey? Are you good at coming up with jokes? God no. Where do you prefer to sit when you catch the bus? When I used to ride home with Jason from school, we always sat way in the back. Do you ever listen to music to fall asleep to? No. I did when I was younger, though. I went through a loooong phase of sleeping with my iPod. If your parents... or anybody else... found your cell phone, would they be horrified at any of the messages in your inbox/outbox? No. Do you get offended if someone repeatedly checks their mobile phone when you’re out for lunch or dinner? That's very rude. What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard somebody say recently? Anti-vaccination bullshit from my stepmother. :^) Think about the last person you kissed - was it the very first time that you kissed them? No. When you drink alcohol with friends, do you play drinking games? We never did. Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay? Nope. Who was the last person to call you? My psychiatrist. What food disgusts you the most? Things like sashimi and caviar. I also think rare meat like steak, especially when it's still bloody, is absolutely disgusting. I could go on and on about this, 'cuz I think a lot of food is really gross. One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? The jungle. Yikes. So many dangerous creatures, so claustrophobic, and with the canopy, I'd assume it'd be EXTREMELY dark. And it rains so much in the jungle, so it'd be hard to hear danger approaching. One thing that always creeps you out? Perhaps #1 is seeing an unborn baby move from outside their mother's stomach. I will fucking scream and want to puke. If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick? SARA!!!!!!!!! Omfg I'd LOVE to have her as my roommate. We've actually talked about the possibility, but that's nowhere near set in stone. What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? In light of recent events, a high contender is shit like "vaccines cause autism." Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die? I'd strongly prefer to be cremated. What is your favorite food around the holidays? Spiral honey ham, for one. I love Christmas treats like chocolate-covered peanuts, fudge, cookies, etc. etc... Tell me about the greatest prank you’ve ever pulled? I don't pull pranks. If you could have the power to cast any kind of spell, what kind of spell would you cast? Maybe enchanting the human population to not be such violent and hateful fucks??? Have you ever gotten a flu vaccination? Only for Covid. Double dates: a do or don’t? They are SO fun, but I do feel like it's good to have individual ones, too. Do you know any guitarists? Yes. My old friend Tommy actually plays the electric guitar in a band, and Juan was really good at it, too. How do you feel about full-length beards? They look good on some people. It varies with everyone. Do you have any relatives that have shunned you, or vice versa? Not currently. My half-sister stopped talking to me many years ago when I was a homophobic fuck, and I don't blame her. We're perfectly cool now! Has anyone ever posted a HORRIBLE picture of you for everyone to see? omg no Does/did your high school have pop machines? Yes. Have you ever gambled? Nah. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? I am NEVER working retail again. I can't handle it. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. :') Have you ever stringed green beans before? Yes, actually, with Colleen's in-laws. They had a big garden that I helped tend to sometimes. I absolutely hated it with how sweaty I got even then, it was WAY too hot, and my body was also weak back then to where bending down was extremely painful. I just never wanted to say no. Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? No. What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re bored? It really depends on what I feel like doing, but I think playing World of Warcraft tempts me most often when I'm unbearably bored. What did you watch today? I've just been rewatching Mortem3r play Monster Hunter World. That game looks soooo fun, I wanna try it. ;-; True or False: Yoshi is the cutest dinosaur ever? No. I adore dinosaurs and dinosaur media, so I could name a lot if I thought long enough. Who is the last person you spent money on? My niece. I still feel awful I didn't buy Ryder a gift by myself; I just could NOT decide what to get him. I'm very thankful that Mom let me use one she got him as "mine." They were bright, light-up golf balls, and he loooooved them. What is your relationship like with various members of your family? I have a biiig extended family, man, so I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. I am EXTREMELY close to my mom, like there is no way I'd be alive without her, and her support for me seems endless somehow. I love my dad very much too, but I don't see him nearly as much as I wish I did. He tries to support me however he's capable, and he always lets me know that he's there if I need him for anything. I love, am very proud of, and look up to my two sisters, but I'm also very envious of them and how they are successful adults with direction and big accomplishments. We are very different, so we have difficulty with really bonding and talking about things regularly, and it really makes me feel like a terrible sister. My nieces and nephew are absolute diamonds to me, and I'm especially close to Ash's oldest daughter Aubree. She and I are very similar in a lot of areas, so I really relate to her, even in her young age. Ryder really seems to like me, and I love that little rascal, too. :') My youngest niece Emerson is still only a baby, so she can't really communicate in words yet, but she is still a beautiful darling that I'd protect with my life in not even a blink. That covers who I consider my "immediate" family, really, at least that I see regularly. What’s something you disagree with about the way you were raised? I am very firmly against spanking, but my parents did it. I think since Ash's kids were born though, Mom's opinion changed on it. It was around that time, I know. She won't lay a hand on them. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? I have no clue, actually. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? *shrug* The last time you were in a car, who was driving? My mom. Did you ever get into a bar and drink before you were 21? Never tried. What countries have you been to? I've never left the U.S. Honestly, is that car insured? I don't have my own car. What do you think about gay marriage? I vigorously support it. Do you like Carrie Underwood? I actually do. She has a beautiful voice. How far away do you live from your parents? I live with my mom. Idk how far I am from Dad, really... but not THAT far. How do you like your steak cooked? Medium well. Have you ever been to Mount Rushmore? No, and I don't want to. It is absolute vandalism. Where is your favorite place (that you have actually been to)? Chicago blew me away, but I think it's just because it was SO foreign to me. I actually don't like cities very much, but for a brief visit, I thought it was very cool. Do you believe places can really be haunted? Yes. Do you take anti-depressants? Sleeping pills? No. I took anti-depressants for I think most of my life, and they did nothing for me. Come to learn from the doctor who actually set my meds straight that anti-depressants for people with bipolarity do nothing but aggravate the symptoms of bipolarity, and I was living evidence. I take mood stabilizers for said disorder instead. I don't take sleeping pills; none seem to work for me. What’s your favourite brand of peanut butter? Maybe Skippy? Idk, I'm not very picky with pb. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos one. How many languages can you recite the alphabet in? Two. Do you like Bob Marley? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I can't stand his voice. Have you ever eaten at Golden Corral? Yeah, but I'm not a fan. Buffets gross me out. Do you sit and eat dinner at the same table with your family? We very rarely sit at the table. Have you been working hard to achieve something lately? If not, what was the last thing you worked hard to achieve? Losing weight, yes. I am honestly trying so hard at the gym, like to the point I've almost fallen many times as well as been overtaken by incredible nausea a lot. I don't feel like I'm over-working, necessarily, just working my ass off. Do you use ice cubes in your fountain drinks? No, because it waters the drink down and I hate it. Would you ever want your very own library, or do you not read enough for it to be worth it? No. I don't read nearly enough, and besides, can you imagine all the dust? What site did you originally start doing surveys on? I actually don't know... Have you ever used something other than water to make ice cubes? What did you do with them? I've actually never thought to do that. Would you ever willingly experience life temporarily without sight, hearing, or any of your other senses, simply to know what it is like? Fuck no. I would go insane. In what ways are you very judgmental? I'll judge the fuck out of rapists, child molesters, pedophiles, people like that with no goddamn shame. But your average person, I try not to judge very much. What is your main problem in life right now? It's hard to determine my main problem, honestly. There are a lot of issues going on in my life that've just piled up into one big tangled mess. Do your “favourites” change often? Definitely not. I've had the same favorites in so many topics for forever. Have you ever read a biography on someone? I've read Ozzy's autobiography, and I also read the Some Kind of Monster Metallica book, which was written by I want to say St. Anger's musical director? This was a very long time ago, and honestly, I thought it was pretty boring, so my memory is faint. You learned quite a bit about the band in his time with them, but damn, I don't care about the musical director al;skdfal;we. Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? Not to my knowledge. I have an acquaintance who's had minor acting roles, but I don't believe she's ever been in a film. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? I want to say around two years ago (probably less) when we got my cat neutered. Have you ever made your way through a corn maze? No.

[babambatman]

Okay, I need a minute to rant. I was forced to read this book for school-- and I’m so sorry? Why? It’s not at all well done, there are a thousand other book that we could have studied instead?

The List, by Patricia Forde, was... it just was. The premise was interesting, the concept was cool, but at the end of the day it was just.. so poorly executed.

To start, the topic of the book is language. It’s a post-apocalyptic world where global warning happened, and now there's a group of people living in the settlement called the ark, which is lead by Noa (yes, like Noah and the Ark haha). The people there are limited in their use of words for reasons that I’ll rant about it in a bit, too. They speak “List” since their allowed words are a list of 500. Cool, kay? Don’t have a problem with that. Let’s explore how limiting human language to 500 words impacts how the characters interact, how that impacts the rest of the people and everything like that.

Except, ya know, the book just never??? explores that???? The main character, Letta, is exempt from the rule because she’s a Wordsmith (which means she documents, collects and creates lists of words.) Her mentor is exempt from the rule. The main side characters are rebels, so they don’t follow the list. Noa and his lover are exempt from the rule. Everyone important is fruggen exempt from the rule?? The only characters that adhere to the list are minor characters that Letta has little personal attachment to? Like thanks, but what the heck is the point of the list if it doesn’t even matter in the end??????

Oh, yeah, why do we have a list??? because... Global warming was bad, Noa tried to warn them, and no one listened. Politicians used their words to lie and lure the public into a false sense of security. Therefore, words are bad. Fine, so he’s trying to protect the people from being lied to, right? Trying to stop the deceit and lies that can be spread by words. That’s good. okay.

But Forde also throws in Noa... wanting all humans to be reduced to animals, because people think they’re superior to other animals, and they think that because of words... and... something about how people thinking they’re superior and exchanging ideas is bad because they're destroying themselves... or the environment? I’m not really sure but let’s pretend it made sense.

Both aren’t necessarily bad ideas to explore, but Forde muddles the two ideas... and Noa’s trying to protect people from words while not caring if they die in the process of removing the words. She mentions how the superior species will be destroyed by the earth-- like the dinosaurs-- and Noa wants to make them animals so that they’ll survive when the world... destroys them again(?), but then he shows no regard for them dying during or immediately after the process of making people animalistic??? It contradicts itself too much.

Okay, so beyond the list-- there are rebels called Desecrators, who don’t like noa and live outside the arc, because he bans speech, and creativity like art and music. Benjamin, Letta’s mentor, leaves to go search for words in the forest that surrounds the ark (they look for labels and stuff that may hold words from the old world). While he’s gone, a desecrator, Marlo, hides in her shop and she helps him hide from the gavvers, which are basically police. She contacts other desecrators to help him get home, since he is wounded. Noa calls Letta to announce that Benjamin is dead, some things don’t add up about his death, so Letta goes to explore what is up with that. Because she’s sneaking around to figure out what happened with Benjamin, Noa comes to her shop and is like, “yo, if you wanna know something just ask, cuz I don’t like people snooping behind my back.” Shes cool with that, so she goes to ask him about adding hope to the list of words because that had all correlation about figuring out how Benjamin died, and overhears that Benjamin is alive and being tortured by Noa. 

Thus, she teams up with the desecrators to save her mentor, and in the process they find out that Benjamin is being tortured because he didn’t agree with Noa’s plan to make people wordless and essentially animals. Benjamin dies. They foil Noa’s plan. the end.

realtionship are... very stale in this. Letta and benjamin interact for two second before he leaves on his word search, and theres nothing we know about what they think of eachother? Is he important to her? is he just a teacher? does she consider him like a father? who knows cuz i don’t. He’s then declared dead. Letta’s sad and is in shock but... why? I don’t even know why he’s important to you? So I just don’t care???? Like, thanks, but Letta went on a whole ass journey looking for you but I can’t tell you why or how you’re important to her. Its only two seconds before Benjamin dies for real that Forde is like, oh yeah, Letta loves him, he’s her father figure, mentor, friend, ext-- like thanks. Now he’s dead. ya could have told me that before. 

Letta’s relationship with noa? weird??? Apparently, he’s her uncle-ish. his lover amilia’s sister is Letta’s mother. But Letta’s mother didn’t agree with what Noa was doing and just.. left. There is no emotional turmoil in discovering that her mother had abandoned her, and on top of that... Noa and Letta dont have a relationship? Like, Forde says he loves letta because he knew her when she was little, but when Letta’s mother left, amilia didn’t want anything to do with her. Noa makes no attempt to come visit Letta when she’s a child. There aren’t really any familial moments between them. by the time they start interacting again, latta is involved with the rebels and we know Noa is evil.

Benjamin and Noa? Apparently friends. even though we never see them interact, except for when Noa is torturing Benjamin when he refuses to agree with Noa’s plan to animilsize people.

In both of these relationships there's no sense of betrayal, despite the fact that they were apparently very important to each other.

Motivations are all over the place? Letta’s described as a blind follower to Noa but... she doesn’t really act like it? Like, she goes behind his back to look at bejamin’s death... why? just ask Noa? when Noa comes and says, hey, stop snooping and just ask me, shes like Kay cool i’ll do that I trust you. But then why did you snoop in the fist place that makes no sensssseesesesrukhgefjchdgl

When Marlo, a rebel, comes into her house and is being hunted down by the police she hides him... even though she doesnt know him or what hes done wrong, knows that Noa wants him arrested... and is a blind follower to noa.

If she’s a blind follower, why does she do these things then? her motivations are non existent. Forde could have made her motivations as simple as curiosity, but Letta isn’t shown as being a curious person? like, when Noa tells her she can ask him anything... she doesnt ask him about Benjamin’s death. Even though she went out of her way to figure it out, and can now question the person who would, in theory, know the most about it. She also shows no interest in finding out about her missing parents, even though she’s presented multiple opportunities to find out more. 

What is this book? Why is this the book my teacher chose? The motivations are unclear, the character development is weird, the relationships arent built properly??? Please explain????

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 2 of dunno how many)

The previous post of this series of posts can be found in this link post 1

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to) [yes, this is the same in all posts in series]

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post. 

Okay, where was i? The first visit to the doctor. I had my tests done and bought the acidity medicine and the vitamins he suggested (i had already started to take vitamins again since a couple of weeks before, he just added folic acid to that. I also have a bit of an issue with vitamins and people telling me to eat them indicating that all will be well after that; but more about that later). in the pharmacy, my mother was pretty upset with me cuz i kicked her out of the room and told me some stuff i don’t want to remember right now. ummm... basically she said “ why did you ask me to leave, what secret were you going to tell the doctor? what did you tell him we did to you? i know what you think about me. you could have just said it all in front of me. what was with all the secrecy” [funnily enough, although i did ask her to leave, my reason was cuz i can’t really speak in front of her (she interrupts a lot too) and i was worried that i’d cry and didn’t want to hear about it for another 6 months. there was no secret or i didn’t even think about mentioning the abuse, cuz how do you just go to a stranger and say “ hi i am in pain and my parents abuse me”. even asking for help for my pain was demanding enough for me.] . she also “informed” me very angrily that the it wasn’t allowed for a woman to be alone with a male doc, a nurse must be present (which was not present) and that is probably why doc didn’t do the proper physical checkup. Well! he should have (if he thought an extensive one was necessary; he did check my breathing and stomach softness), called a nurse in or my mother in. i didn’t have any issues with him doing my physical checkup alone too.  and he didn’t mention anything about that to me at all.

Anyway, I went back thinking God knows how long was this process was going to take and if i had the energy to fight for myself and make people believe that i was actually in a lot of pain. the reports came back fine (the expensive test one too, to much displeasure of my father “but this came back fine, so expensive for no use. why did he even write that test?” as if it would have been somehow better to get a positive test back for a disease?! I really don’t know how his mind works. By the time all reports were in, it was time for my appointment at the psychiatrist and it was decided to go to her first, then on our way back show the reports to our primary doc. that way we could also talk to him about what she said.

Oh wait, i forgot to mention in my last post. the doctor only suggested the psychiatrist and later sent me her number saying that i have told her about you please take an appointment. i had to call her and i asked about her fees which she very nicely said would be discounted and that helping me and understanding what was stressing me was more important. I felt so weird then, i don’t really hear these type of things very often.... or almost ever. 

going to the clinic was easy enough, of course my mother and father accompanied me. and my mother did follow in. [let me just add that i only remember about half of what happened so...] the doctor ( hereby referred to as Psy lady) asked me “so, how are you?” and i said “ i’m good *smiled awkwardly as she realised that was not what she meant to ask*. she was like okay, how do you feel and what do you want to discuss me with. so i just sat there like a dumbass. then i asked her how much the other doc told her about me. she said it was just that you are his patient and needs psychiatric help in his opinion.

I am just going to make a dialogue format written account for that and the next doctor’s visit as this seems way too confusing.

At that time (not sure) my mother interrupted;

Mother: *turned to me* “if you don’t mind may i tell her the history etc” *in pointed politeness*

Me: “ok.”

Mother: *launched from how i was such a brilliant smiling child and wanted to take this scholarship abroad but she said no* *went off a long tangent about how she was just being a nice worried parent in controlling my life and now feels guilty cuz i can’t let it go* *finished by saying* “Dr., she just can’t forget that, she is stressed no job plus the lock down etc you know how it is. then she found out she has scoliosis in january and i think she has taken it to heart, like really it is completely asymptomatic and i have asked the doc she won’t have any problems cuz of it in the future” (i am guessing she meant having babies but really who knows) “she has just taken stress over that”.

Psy lady : *scribbled something on her paper* “My i have some time alone with her?”

Mother: “yes yes sure” *left* 

Psy lady : “so tell me a bit about yourself.”

Me: *was still fuming and recoiling and shaking in my seat cuz i just don’t understand until how long is my mother going to throw that in my face. it has been years and i wasn’t even that upset about it (at least i just quietly internalized it) but she refused, controlled my life (since birth btw and still does now) and not even let me do anything else i want to do, nor find a job, then proceeded to throw her ‘oh i feel so guilty, i am such a good parent. i have commited a crime by being caring and now i must be punished oh!’ at me. Like where am i in all that? you say no, you control, your guilt, your love, your care, your image as a parent that must never be broken. where am i in all that? ALSO you never listen to my complains about pain so shut up* 

Psy lady: ...

Me: “umm... hi... i umm never had a dream, but then i found this thing in my mid-twenties and i loved it, but they didn’t let me pursue it, then didn’t let me do anything. and now they act like i am a burden on them. now i have nothing to do or like, and i can’t even find a job or have anywhere to go. i don’t even really wanna die, i am just tired” *burst into tears yet again as i realized i had no idea why i was telling her all that and it felt so fake and story like at the same time*    “... i can’t even breathe and i am in so much pain all the time that i feel like detached from my body cuz every time i try to be in it it fucking hurts.”

Psy lady: “are your parents always this much controlling” *pointed to the door indicating my mother*

Me: “they are emotionally abusive”

Psy lady: *had been looking into my eyes but looked away at the word abusive and didn’t say anything*

Me: *continued after a little shock that i actually said it out loud* “I can’t walk, my knees hurt” *tried to repeat almost all that was possible from the previous doc*   *also told her about feeling dissociative and explained a bit how that feels for me* * told her all about how i was fine in dragging me through life but now that my body has suddenly collapsed (where as before it was just emotional pain and numbness and occasional body pains in back and stuff nothing too overwhelming or maybe i was mentally strong to ignore it) i feel very scared and lost. I was dealing with everything fine on my own even when i felt like dying but now i cant handle anything, i can’t even act in front of others; something i am exceptionally good at* *talked about lowered brain function, slowness, low blood pressure, no energy suddenly, not being able to retain information or remember anything, not having a concept of time and memory*

Psy lady: *explained about DPDR disorder and asked me about sleep eating etc.*

Me: *repeated the same: loved sleep can’t now, loved eating can’t now* 

After some time of explaining asking and answering, she said that i have depression and what happens is that our brain stops making certain chemicals and to get it to make them again we have 2 options. one is medicine; the other is motivation and exercises. it seems like the latter would be hard for me (and i confirmed that i infact cannot walk or do almost anything and exercise is too painful cuz pain everywhere) she said that the best route in my situation is to start the medicine for some weeks (she said she’d not give them for more than 4 months; whole course including tapering them out) and explained that the medicines were very safe and answered all my queries about dependency on them or side effects etc. I said if that is what she thinks would be best and if taking them means i could feel alive again and my brain function would return to normal.

she then asked me to bring my mother back in. she explained the medicines to her and said i have diagnosed her with MDD. My mother asked what is that. She said Moderate Depressive disorder. my mother asked if the medicine was necessary. she  said yes, and to not worry as these were safe and she’s only giving to get me started and pull me out of this extreme state, only for a short time. she also said that come back after 10 days of eating these, so we can see the effect and the side effects if any, and that day she’d also get me an appointment for a psychologist who worked in the same clinic as she thinks it would help me immensely. we agreed. took the medicine and left for the doc no. 1′s clinic. My mother didn’t say anything.

we reached his office and throughout the short car ride and while sitting there waiting for my turn, i was feeling very... accomplished? enthusiastic? Dunno... I was just trying not to cry cuz i finally had it written on paper, i was finally diagnosed, i had finally gotten help. yes, it was only a start and i don’t know much about how doctors work diagnosis and how much more can be added in future visits but it was a start. i finally did something to actually help me.

Finally, our turn came. we showed him the reports and told him what she said and prescribed. My mother asked him if the meds were necessary. 

doc: “yeah they really believe in starting meds right away.”

mother: “I don’t want her to take them, it’s like giving up. she can use her will power and get better right?” [she also added something very weird like ‘these stamps (mental disorders diagnosed on paper) are not good for a woman’ or something along this line]

Doc: “yes she can. i too would suggest she do that.”

Mother: *went off on a long tangent about how when she was my age she had depression after having my older sister. but she will-powered through it and didn’t take the meds etc*

doc: “yes i agree, but it really depends on her is she willing to do it” *in a tone that suggested that i should say yes immediately and will-power though life*

Me: * realizing no one is listening to me* “doctor, can you please talk with the Psy lady and ask her if they are necessary in her opinion cuz i have no will left to power though with.”

Doc: “okay.” *called her and talked right then* * told her that he thinks it would be better to willpower through it?

Mother: “well she can will-power through right?”

Doc: “well the Psy lady said that she has been powering through with her will power for years; she has none left anymore. so she thinks that meds are the best option and besides” *looked at the prescription again* “these meds are not addictive and very safe.”

Mother: * insisted on no meds for 15 more minutes and had a long discussion with doc about praying, watching motivational speakers and what not*

doc: *joined in enthusiastically*

Me: *stared into the distance and stops listening with my wobbly neck and painful back*

Doc: “well she is not even listening. can you do it? exercise?”

me: “no it hurts, as i have explained before, not like the yayy muscle cramping up cuz i worked out way and i will love exercise in 2 weeks time way. No! the tendons hurt the bones hurt the joints hurt extremely painfully and it increases with time, even after 2-3 weeks it doesn’t get better.”

Doc: “okay, how about friends? social life? what do you do at home etc”

Me: “my friends are not here, i never made new ones. no social life. even when i was going to class before the lock down, it was from home to uni, uni to home. had no friends there. and i did walked in uni for about half an hour or even more but it hurt in the beginning, i thought okay, cramps (although my knees and heels were very painful too) but it almost felt like it got better (the cramps part) but then it got way worse and after a month i couldn’t walk for more than 10 minutes at a very slow painful speed.”

Doc: *asked about pets, anything that would suggest i was a living being with a life*

Me: “pets are not allowed and so is leaving the house by myself.”

Mother: *interjected* “we have never restricted her for anything.”

By this time, i had frankly given up and i don’t remember what happened next or where the conversation went. just remember something along the lines of “ for these 10-15 days before the next Psy lady appointment, let her do whatever she likes to, don’t ask her don’t control her. let her start up her social life again. she needs to be around friends and the things she can enjoy” something like this. to which my mother said very confidently “sure whatever she wants to do”

then, we left his office and in the car she told me to “not eat the meds as we have ‘now discussed it with your doctor”

this is getting way longer. i think i’d make one more post about it, or maybe one more after that for bits that i forgot. this post seems so badly written upon second inspection. this is not even the 40% of what happened but i don’t remember what happened exactly, or even the timeline.

The third and hopefully last post of this series can be found here post 3

[extreme-technicality]

does talking to an anon help about ninjago help? cuz I'm down

DHDKCKGSC YES IT DOES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OFFERING YOUR SERVICES

Okay now that I know I won’t be clogging people’s dashes buckle the fuck in my dude and I should stress that I literally would not be talking about this as much as I will be if I didn’t genuinely enjoy the show. I’m gonna go season by season and just Rant

S1 has the serpentine as the bbeg and like, as far as villains go they’re p lit. They’re early enough that they haven’t been done to hell, things are fresh, the characters and dynamics are being fleshed out, and all in all s1 is a pretty solid season. There’s some fuckery that gets brought up re: how the FUCK aging works and what the actual timeline of Ninjago is and how Wu and Garmadon fit into that timeline, fuckery that LITERALLY NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN A SATISFYING WAY BC ITS REVEALED IN A LATER SEASON (s8, dw we’ll get there lmao) THAT THE ONLY REASON THE FIRST SPINJITSU MASTER, WU, AND GARMADON LIVED AS LONG AS THEY DID IS CUZ THEYRE BASICALLY DEMIGODS AND ITS IMPLIED THAT LLOYD WILL ALSO LIVE FOR A LONG ASS TIME WHICH MEANS ONE DAY HES GONNA OUTLIVE ALL HIS FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HE EVER LOVED WHICH IS A FUN THING TO THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT But anyway I digress, s1 also coincidentally introduces Lloyd (he wasn’t in the pilot episodes that set up the rest of the series) and the existence of Evil Dad Garmadon.

S2 is where Garmadon starts acting a lot more Evil and a lot less Dad. He’s the main antagonist for that season, and I actually read somewhere that the show was originally slated to end after s2 which high key explains the fuckery of literally every single season after this lmaooooo. Much like s1, I really can’t find much to complain about, the first two seasons are pretty decent as far as I can remember

Season. Fucking. Three. Where the fuck do I start??? I hate season three for entirely personal reasons revolving around the STUPID GODDAMN ROMANCE WRITING. okay lemme back up and explain a thing first so, Jay is dating Nya and they’re fine, they’re going steady, aND THEN????? THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON INTRODUCES BULLSHIT LOVE TRIANGLE FUCKERY FOR ZERO GODDAMN REASON, BITCH I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES AND I HATE THEM EVEN MORE WHEN THEYRE DONE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON!!! AND THEN. AS IF THAT WERENT ENOUGH. THEY SHOEHORNED A ROBOT ROMANCE BETWEEN ZANE AND PIXAL AND I KNOW I RANTED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING BUT I DIDNT GO INTO ENOUGH DETAIL!!!! THEY MADE THE OTHER NINJA OOC IN ORDER TO PROP UP THEIR SHIP!!!!!! AND AT ONE POINT ZANE GOES “its like we were…made for each other” AND I HAD TO FUCUCJDHVE I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW BRO, IM SO TIRED!!!! NO THE FUCK YOU WERENT!!!!!! YOU WERE MADE FOR YOU AND PIXAL WAS MADE FOR PIXAL AND IF YALLS WANNA BANG BOLTS THATS FINE BUT DONT IMPLY THAT EITHER OF YOU WERE MADE INCOMPLETE!!!! THATS AN INSULT TO YOUR MAKERS AND YOURSELVES, MOVE ON, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. anyway that season also killed Zane (for the first time, but not the last) (spoiler alert lmao) and like, not to be an emotional little shit but I did cry a bit at his funeral.

S4 is honestly one of my favorites, even though the romance crimes continue (the love triangle bullshit is continuing and honestly I maintain that Cole, Nya, and Jay should all have gotten together and in my personal canon they DID, and also Kai has a forced romance) the VILLAIN makes up for it imo. He’s campy!! He’s funny!! He’s a clown!! He’s serious enough that if he says “I’m gonna kill you” HE MEANS IT and that’s so fucking refreshing!!!! S4 is honestly 8/10 just for the villain alone, don’t like that it retconned the SHIT out of the elemental masters and how many different elements there are TO master but eh, it’s ninjago, shit is stupid.

S5 was…interesting? OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT S3 INTRODUCED A GARMADON WHO WAS A LOT LESS EVIL AND A LOT MORE DAD, HONESTLY I THOUGHT IT TOOK A LOT OF THE FLAVOR OUT BUT THATS JUST ME LMAOOO. anyway s5 killed Garmadon, and I was a little sad cuz I like him okay??? I just think he’s NEAT, he’s got big dad energy, he was teaching Lloyd some shit that just got DROPPED and literally was never brought up again which is honestly a theme in Ninjago. Ninjago drinking game: take a shot every time they introduce a plot point or ability and drop it at or before the end of the season. WHICH THEY ALSO DID IN S5 WITH A DIFFERENT POWER ACTUALLY, so all the ninja are masters of Spinjitsu right, well s5 introduced the concept of Airjitsu which only Spinjitsu masters can learn and it lets them FLY and they used that for seasons 5 and 6 and then they nEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE COME IN HANDY FOR S E V E R A L DIFFERENT SITUATIONS ACROSS THE SEASONS, ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FALLING TO THEIR DOOM AND MY ASS WOULD BE YELLING “YOU CAN FLY, DUMBASS” - anyway, they do that again later lmao it’s fine. But what’s low key NOT fine is they made Nya the WATER NINJA!!! Like I’m not mad she has powers, except I kinda am, she was doing just fine as Samurai X and honestly the only reason she has super special ninja powers is for plot reasons. Also Cole got turned into a ghost, but by s7 he’s????? No longer a ghost????????? And that’s NEVER addressed or reasoned away, so like. Cool lmao

S6 didn’t happen. Like, canonically, s6 ends with wish fuckery that undoes the entire season and none of the characters remember anything that happened except Jay and Nya because S6 is the season where they get back together so they remember all those events for???? Feelings reasons?????? Unclear, moving on. The actual bbeg for S6 was a djinn with a vaguely Spanish accent, and to this DAY I don’t know why they made him have a SPANISH accent. Djinn are Arabic, not Spanish!! They’re not central or South American, either!!!! Your villain design makes no sense, do better

S7 had MORE time fuckery, and retconned what happened to Kai and Nya’s parents and hmmmhmhmhmhmhm that makes me Upsetti Spaghetti :3 not just the retconning, but the fact that they LITERALLY brought them back oNLY TO NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!! Okay so at the VERY very beginning, like pilot episodes beginning, Kai talks about their dad like he died/left fairly recently, BUT s7 contradicts that and claims that both of their parents were essentially abducted when Kai and Nya were little kids, which makes me question what in the fresh fuck two little kids were doing for all those years alone. SETTING THAT ASIDE FOR A HOT SECOND, their parents were also apparently good friends of Wu’s and old war buddies (from the Serpentine wars, which is YET ANOTHER bit of the timeline that doesn’t quite add up but honestly I could make a whole other post about that shit). But if they were such good fucking friends, why didn’t Wu check in every now and again??? What the fuck was Wu doing that was so fucking important that he couldn’t have been assed to visit his friends ONCE in like TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS and realize “oh shit, they’re not here and there are two tiny children running around unsupervised…My Kids Now : )” LIKE????? WU YOU LOW KEY SHOULDA LOOKED OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS’ KIDS BETTER, THEY COULDA DIED BRO!!! Uhhhh the time fuckery also results in Wu getting yeeted ahead in time a bit and the ninja gotta find him

Season. Eight. I have…mixed feelings about this one. The beginning absolutely SLAUGHTERED me, and not in a “this is so fucking funny” way. No, the beginning made me feel like I was being flayed alive with just about every episode because Ninjago was back on its forced romance bullshit and this time it was Lloyd’s turn on the chopping block. That hurt my soul cuz like, look at that mans color scheme, he’s CLEARLY alloaro, why are you forcing romance on my aro man, why would you hurt me like that, BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE AND THE GIRL HE WAS BEING SET UP WITH HAD A LITTLE HEART TO HEART REALLY EARLY ON AND IT WAS THE MOST QUEER CODED SHIT!!!! IT DEADASS READ AS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN AN OUT AND PROUD QUEER AND A CLOSETED QUEER AND THEY MADE!!! IT!!!!! STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that kept me watching at first was wanting to find Wu, and then I started enjoying myself once Cole found a plot-relevant baby and had fatherhood thrust upon him. Everything went from “ehhhhh” to “holy shit this FUCKS” once it was revealed that Rumi (Lloyd’s love interest) wAS PLAYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME AND WAS EVIL AND HAD AN EVIL GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! LITERALLY IMPROVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEASON FOR ME, I COULD EVEN FORGIVE THE WHOLE “let’s resurrect Garmadon, but as evil as possible” BULLSHIT!!!!!!

S9 is a continuation of s8, Garmadon is back and 1000% Evil, 10% Dad, but none of the Dad energies is directed at Lloyd - it’s all directed at Rumi, and honestly I could write a whole ass post on just RUMI cuz that’s honestly my DAUGHTER and I LOVE HER and I’m MAD SHE DIES AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!!!! SHE DESERVED THERAPY AND TO LIVE WITH HER GF AND MAYBE SOME CRIME. AS A TREAT. RUMI DESERVED BETTER AND LOW KEY IM GONNA WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT, BUT ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Ah right, so s9 has the four major Ninja stuck in the original dimension with no way home, while Lloyd has no powers (cuz he almost died last season) and has to somehow lead a resistance against Garmadon (who has taken control of Ninjago City and is working on the rest of Ninjago). Actually, s9 is pretty cool. Like, the end of s8 and into s9 are low key my favorite episodes, and I kinda wanna rewatch them now -

S10 is a FUN one. Garmadon got got last season, but he didn’t DIE, so he’s in cold storage and now there’s Another Threat and he’s the only one who knows wtf they’re up against so they let him out and he works with them. The funny part is, he is still Very Much Evil and doesn’t quite Get emotions like he did when he was, uh, human lmao, sO HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY DURING THAT SEASON AND DECIDED TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT. 1000000/10 MY FAVORITE GARMADON, he ended that season by literally fucking off into Ninjago and they never decided to track him down 😭😭😭😭😭and I’m so SAD about it dude

S11 has another Serpentine as the bbeg, though in the setup to that they retconned how the fucking Serpentine tribes and history work??? I think???? Also Wu was a good 150% angrier and generally Done with the ninja’s shit, which was honestly refreshing tho I’m not quite sure I liked what the refreshed view was, but whatever lmao. S11 also had the ninja get yeeted to the dimension farthest from Ninjago, and honestly - okay, so they didn’t all go at the same TIME, Zane left about a week or two before the others did but there was time dilation fuckery afoot which I’m not too mad about cuz low key it makes sense. What I AM mad about is that they didn’t play the angst up to its full POTENTIAL!!!!!! Zane was EVIL in the other dimension!!!! Okay so I’m Ninjago he was only gone for maybe a week or two, but DECADES had passed in the other one, and all that time Zane was alone and disconnected from everyone he knew and loved, with a staff that boosted his power while slowly corrupting him and Turning Him Evil to help him, and like???? The thought of Zane trying to find a way home, trying to get SOME sort of message back, while he has to use the staff more and more to help him survive the long, lonely decades, so that by the time his family DOES show up its too late??? BRO. B R O. THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT, BUT NINJAGO DIDNT DO THAT!!! THEY MADE HIM EVIL DUE TO MEMORY WIPE!!!!!! MEMORY WIPE IS BABY SHIT COMPARED TO A LONG, SLOW CORRUPTION!!!!!!

S12 was alright. It went into Cole’s mom, touched on some of the adventures she had had, threatened another forced romance (this time on poor Cole, just leave my mans ALONE) but thankfully didn’t follow through this time, introduced cool new powers that honestly hasn’t been elaborated on since that’s the most recent season I think lmao

Anyway thanks for reading and letting me rant!!!! I have,,So Much More I could talk about, PLEASE ask me about Rumi, some of my headcanons re: Garmadon and Wu’s dynamic, the Serpentine, my top five times they butchered Kai’s character for Plot Reasons, or anything else I brought up here that you want me to elaborate on!!!

[tmabutlesbian]

After watching The Haunting of Bly Manor and crying my eyes out I immediately made an tma AU inspired by it and now I can’t stop thinking abt it ‘cause it happens around 1890′ and there’s magic (cuz i love magic) I literally love it, so I’m gonna info dump abt my own fucking AU, here goes:

Main characters? Martin, Agnes, Gerard, Annabelle, Jude, and Gertrude. Spoiler alert! They all die sooner or later. This is abt ghosts after all. 

(this gets very long i apologise)

I’m gonna help you out with their ages here real quick:

- Gertrude, Agnes, Jude, and Martin have the same age, just some months older or younger. It’s in the order they’re mentioned (yes, Martin is the baby here)

- Gerry is 4 years give or take older than all those 4 lil bastards

- when Gerry is 5, Annabelle is 18; do the math

QUICK TIMELAPSE UNTIL AGNES AND MARTIN START RESIDING IN MAGNUS MANOR!!!! (yes I named it that call me unoriginal)

Gerry is 5 when he starts to spend summers at Magnus; HIGHLY magical place, Mary is very intrigued -> Gerry gets roped into it (ofc ugh)

Annabelle was already in the magic business so both women worked together. Annabelle gets extremely attached to Gerry and Gerry to Annabelle. (Annabelle is going to be different than canon ‘cause it’s my AU and I decide what happens AND she doesn’t get experimented on ever so that’s a bonus; She has the role Hannah from Bly in this AU)

Gerry turns 9, Mary and Annabelle break off their deal because Annabelle wasn’t letting her hurt Gerry anymore, Gerry doesn’t want to do his mother’s dirty work -> he doesn’t want to go back to the manor. Until...

Martin and Agnes! The manor is housing other children when their parents aren’t able to; Gerry gets attached to both them -> Gerry ends up getting back in the manor to protect them + help Annabelle with their supernatural freak show (the manor).

Martin and Agnes time at Magnus Manor!!! Up until they’re 14 and Gerry’s 18 ‘cause that’s when shit goes down

SO. People. Let’s get some things straight: No one here is human. Not completely. Just to summarize quick: Martin is a shapeshifter (he knows other basic magic); Agnes is a fire witch (she knows other basic magic); Gerry is a witch (mainly divination and sorts, but he knows other basic magic); Annabelle is a witch (reality pulling/manipulation mainly).

- Agnes is still with the cult until she’s 14; she does not know she’s part of one until that age. She just thinks her family’s weird, and that magic is to be kept secret; she also doesn’t get their whole “You’re our messiah!” deal ‘cause she’s not, she’s just Agnes.

- Martin learned his magic from his father. Shapeshifting is the hardest magic out there but Martin could do it at 4 years old. He keeps it a secret ‘cause his dad told him to but he jokes abt it too much (people thing he’s weird and crazy but also just a kid). Then his father leaves at 8 years old and the trauma is so great he... forgets he has magic and just doesn’t do it anymore. He has weird dreams and doesn’t think much of it (until he’s 14).

- Gerry learned magic stuff from Mary but only started gaining his knowing abilities after staying at Magnus. He’s not surprised by it, he is literally there to study it and protect the kids from it alongside Annabelle.

- Annabelle doesn’t realize she has magic up until she dies (oops). She just thinks she’s hallucinating stuff and has lots of luck.

So yeah. Annabelle and Gerry work in secret. Martin and Agnes become siblings (twins they say). Gerry and Annabelle know the others are not human but don’t know how to approach it.

Agnes just gets more and more distant the more time she spends outside of Magnus and Annabelle doesn’t like it one bit. Martin has 1 big magic scare at 11 years old (he’s dreaming of something weird, he’s convulsing, Gerry and Agnes panic, he wakes up and feels strangely pulled to a certain direction outside of the house and that’s it).

At 13, Agnes is always studying at the cult (more and more distant every year but she wants to be at Magnus). Martin finds what was pulling him and it was just a very messy green house (THIS PLACE!!! So important for the plot and for the gayssss).

Gerry (17) and Martin (13) start using the green house together ‘cause Martin wants Gerry to busy himself instead of smoking (Martin hates the smell and doesn’t like Gerry’s coughing when he does it); Gerry does enjoy it but he never admits it to Martin (tsudenre cunt, love him).

(Gerry was already using the green house at night as his mini station; it’s messy ‘cause after Martin’s big scare he was paranoid that they would find it, so he hid everything hastelly)

At 14! Martin and Agnes find out the hard truths:

- Gerry n Annabelle’s whole deal (they followed Gerry one night and it went down hill quick)

- There’s a fucking ghost lady in the lake that visits the manor every 2 weeks at night and they didn’t know? Hello???

- Agnes finds out she’s in a cult from Annabelle and fears for her life so! They fake her disappearance! I guess! These bitches are dramatic

- Martin finds out he has magic! Again, I guess! But he represses it again ‘cause he looks like his father when he does magic and he hates that! Yay, trauma!

Now presenting: Gertrude and Jude!!! They’re now relevant to the plot!!!

Gertrude, Agnes, and Jude all frequent the same school (separated by gender because I said so). They’re all in the same class. They’re close friends but still only classmates basically.

Jude was put is Agnes class for the cult’s purposes. Agnes had the excuse “I’m not that lonely, I’m with Jude! Who comes from the same community where I grew up in, and they’re very secluded! How strange!”.

Gertrude and Agnes feel close to each other but they’re basically just close classmates (they’re soulmates btw eeeeeeh).

Then Agnes goes ‘missing’. Gertrude knew something was off but now she’s certain of it. She forms an alliance with Jude to investigate Agnes disappearance. 2 years after (16), they make a deal with Elias (he’s funding the place with Peter’s whore money) and they’re able to enter the place. 

Magnus Manor is closed off for anyone who doesn’t work there or doesn’t live there.

SO. They go in. Normal enough. They get warned not go out at night (it’s lady of the lake time). The girls think they’re onto them, so they sneak out in the night to find Agnes sleeping in a cellar. These dumb lesbians thought she had been kidnapped by them or something; so they drag Agnes’ sleepy ass out of there.

Or they try to until the lady of the lake barges in. At this point everyone’s awake. The lady does her routine. Then -> screaming match. Lots of things are resolved here:

- Agnes is not missing and she’s wanted by the cult for reasons unknown (to the girls)

- Jude is part of this cult (Gertrude didn’t know); she’s grown fond of Agnes and prefers lying to her community than to see her in distress, so she’s staying quiet about it

- Gertrude hates the church because they burned her loved ones to death, her house, and her cat (this is what made her snap, her parents never truly loved her anyways)

Gertrude never knows that Agnes is part of the cult, just that she’s wanted by it, until Agnes’ death (oopsie daisie)

We have the whole gang here!!! They now work together to stop freak dangerous shit from happening and to figuring the mystery that is Magnus Manor. Up until Agnes is 18. Then some more shit happens...

I’ll leave that for another post!! I have so much shit planned for this, I love it, and if you have made it this far... well... thank you so much for reading!!! And yes, you can make fanart, yes you can write some lil things abt this, inspired by this, just be sure to credit me and to tell me!!! I wanna see :)

[keepcalm-and-beyou]

Machine Gun Kelly(Colson Baker)

Telling Rook The News (PART2 being rooks ex & Pregnant with Kells baby):

Part 1 here

It sucks. All I could manage to think first thing this morning. Sitting on my bed feeling anxious repeating words in my head it sucks. It sucks I had to wake up, it sucks I am in this situation, it sucks I have to leave my house, it sucks I have to tell Rook. What doesn’t suck is Colson will be there with me to tell him. I honestly doubt I’d be able to do it my self but like Colson said he’d help with this former issue we called it but now simply it is our Baby, So he will be there for this dreadful conversation to come. I don’t want to hurt Rook but it’s not like we can hide it. Pretty classy I feel best friend of the boyfriend we’ll EX boyfriend. I’m hoping Colson takes charge on the topic while I try not to die of embarrassment and stress.

I definitely gotta try not to stress so much Colson is right it’s not good for the baby and first three months are most critical for miscarrying. I don’t want that to happen I may be freaked about the Rook part of the situation but other than that I’m happy I’ll be a mother with the most beautiful baby sense Colson is the father and how excited Casie will be just melts my heart. Casie will be the best big sister anyone could ask for, she’s so kind, helpful, independent and crazy smart for her age. Mine and Colson baby boy or girl can learn a lot from her as they grow.

Colson is such a great Dad no matter what the public sees of him in his party pictures and smoking dope. He truly is a great dad to his daughter and no doubt with our baby. I feel a little better now thinking of Casie and Colson it turns plenty stress into positivity.

It’s decently early doubt the boys have had breakfast or even coffee heck doubt any are awake right now knowing those crazy boys. But Colson better be up I don’t wanna show up having to wake Colson and Rook up. To be nice and ease the blow I shall pick up breakfast for everyone. So that’s what I’m doing as of now driving to Denny’s grabbing food and coffee. I decide to play the radio game while driving to the guys house. I ask the radio a question “how will today go?” I speak out loud. And turn the station to whatever hearing the song Everything Sucks playing. Oh how ironic. My nerves slightly climb back up as I near the guys house, I sigh as I stop my car in front of the house.

(Kells P.O.V)

I sat hands together alsmot like I was praying for this shit to go smooth. How the actual fuck will this go smooth though! If it was me dining this shit out what Rook is about to today I’d be flipping shit. I haven’t even slept much yo this all been keeping me up worrying about losing my bro and band mate, not like I can replace him so easily fuck.

I need to get high like right now I can’t deal with everything sober. Few puffs of my joint and I’m feeling better for now. I put out the roach of my joint in time to see Y/N outside looking like she grabbing some shit out her car. I hurried to the door basically running to her to help grab what apparently is take out food and oh fuck yes coffee. “Hey” she spoke slightly dragging it out. I broke a small smile at her “Hey yo thanks for bringing coffee girl” she shut her car door and said “of course how can I not die the coffee lover” she smiles.

Ah that smile is helping for sure with my nerves. We walked quietly into my house and straight for the kitchen where I sat down the food and drinks. “Is he up?” Y/N asked me speaking in a whispering tone clear as day nervous and looked around. “I don’t think so” i shrug. She let out a big fucking sigh and part of me hurt formher having to do this to deal with this but fuck what else we gonna do right. “Hey girl it’s going to be okay I gotchu” I told her and wrapped my arms around her shirt figure. It almost felt hella awkward until she put her arms around me to. I rested my chin on to her head for a moment then pulled away. “Let’s eat just us we’ll wake Rook after if we have to” i Nodded to the food starting to pull items out of the bags. “I don’t know if I can eat right now Kells” Y/N admitted. But I wasn’t gonna listen to that “yo you need to eat ain’t starving my kid” i whisper to her. “Your right I’m sorry I gotta focus on the whole me and baby’s health” she nodded at her own words. “And you unfortunately shouldn’t drink coffee” I spoke up in facts which I learnt many when Casie wasn’t born yet. Her eyes went wide it was adorable “aw just this last cup and I’ll switch to herbal teas” she chuckled. “Ight deal” I handed her a coffee.

“So as his best friend and band mate you should take the lead on telling him” she smiles widely to me. That girls smile gonna be the death of me. “Oh I see just throw me under the bus first” I laugh. And then take a bite of my food watching her do the same. “you said don’t stress and talking lots might meake me stressed” again she smiles at me. Fucking chick. “Yaya I gotcha girl, always will” I assured her taking her much smaller hand in mine.

We cleaned up our little mess and sat on one of the couches in the living room. “I guess we should wake him up” Y/N tells me. I turn my head to her “Wake who up me?” Rooks voice comes from behind us both our heads snap to him. “Hey dude morning” I greet him. “Morning. Hey Y/N what you doing here?” Rook asks her. “Just visiting I brought breakfast and coffee, go eat we’ll catch up when your done” Y/N tried her best to be cool I can see it in her eyes being this close to her on the couch she’s feeling freaked.

We all sat at the kitchen table Rook just finishing his food and sipping on his coffee. “Thanks for the food Y/N” Rook smiles to her. “It’s the least I could do” Y/N spoke softly to him. Then gave me a sad look. “So your here to visit me?” Rook asks her “and to talk” she adds quickly. “About what?” “Oh okay right um well I love you and care about you” Y/N starts off “why does it sound like your dumping me in front of Colson?” Rook looked worried and Y/N looked panicked. “Dude it’s kinda important I’m here for this convo” I told him. “Why bro what’s going on?”. “Please listen best as you can and calmly as you can to us” Y/N spoke up. “Okay what the fuck” he responds. “When we broke up” Y/N began but Rook cut her off “when we broke up what?!” He angrily asked looking between her and I. Y/N looked defeated and like she was going to cry. “Look dude I’m fucking sorry for this you know I care about her and you man, we got shitfaced like the whole fucking weekend and ya know shit happens” I told him. “What what shit happened?!” He demands and bits his bottom lip.

“Please clam down” Y/N says calmly and out her hand on his clenched fist. But he abruptly moves pushing her hand away aggressively. “Hey man clam down!” I told him strongly. “Just tell me what happened” Rook demands again. “I was upset and Kells was there for me like always he’s a good friend. Don’t forget that don’t forget his love for you no matter” Y/N tried to speak as calmly as she can like rooks a bomb gonna go off which I can see that happening. “No matter what?” He yells causing Y/N to jump frightened. “We hooked up when you broke up” I finally admitted to him.

Rook stands up enraged which makes Y/N stand fast moving to my side as rook now is coming closer to me. “Yo dude chill just hold up” I spoke hands up not wanting to fight my bro. But he swung and doing so I moved Y/N out of the way best I could. Lucky he missed but grabbed my shirt and swung again hitting me near my right eye. We bumped into Y/N knocking her over on to the floor. “Dude wait stop!” I shrieked. And helped y/n off the floor isntslty my hand hands on her face holding her head looking at her as if she was injured “you okay” i ask her worriedly. “Yes I’m fine” she assures me. “Awe look at the love birds” Rook snarks To us. “Dude I love you bro I’m sorry Kay like fuck y’all were broken up I’d never go there if that was the case” “that doesn’t make it much better” Rook says now less mad and sounding hurt. “Rook I’m sorry nothing was intended I know we were trying to work on us but that’s over and wasn’t going anywhere it seeemd and also the fact is to that I’m Pregnant” Y/n spoke moving closer to him.

Rook looked almost confused. “It’s mine if it wasn’t obvious man we having a baby, we are not a couple, we are focusing on Y/N and the babies health and needs” rook stood silent maybe in ducking shock. “And I’m not gonna lie I do have feelings for her dude always felt something so if by chance we also become in a relationship other than parents to our child, I hope you don’t hate me for it if it happens and hate me now for what is going on but I wish you wouldn’t bro fuck I need you man not only as a fucking awesome band mate but as my brother and future uncle to my kid yo ya know if you wanted to be” I rant out to my best friend.

“You guys should talk this through I’ll go I’m so sorry Rook, I wish you this best in love and life” Y/N said to rook with a weak smile. “No no stay I don’t care, I need time to like think about shit, like a part of me wanna say congrats on the baby yet that seems fucked yo cuz I’m hurt, I lose my girl or ex whatever fuck, I can see it now to though y/n was right us working through shit wasn’t going as it was suppose to. I just gotta get out this house” Rook shares with us and walks towards the stairs. “but bro you coming back right?” I ask in high hopes as he takes a step up the stairs Y/N standing beside me. “Yeah man I’ll be back later” and with that he was upstairs.

“That didn’t go to terrible” Y/N tires to sound positive and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Yeah I guess he could of really beat the fuck outta me if I let him and not stop” we both smile lightly to each other. “I think I should go to, let us all have alone time we need” she says to me. I grab her hand “What if I don’t want you to go?” I ask her more of a statement though. She shakes her head “no it’s what’s best trust me and I need a nap” she chuckles. “Okay only cuz a nap would do you both good” i smile at her not showing stomach. “You really are gonna be an amazing dad to our baby, heck Kells you already are” Y/N smiles big. That big beautiful smile. That smile that makes me wanna smile, the smile that will make me fucking do anything for her, and now I’ll do anything for our baby, our future family.

[peterparkerincorrectquotes]

Have any angsty hcs? 👀

oh always my dude, but I’ve never thought about marvel ones tbh 🤔 these are all assuming tony didn’t die cuz... idk I miss him ;-;

• peter is probably really mad at tony immediately after being brought back. like “you used the stones to kill thanos?? knowing what they do to people who use them?? you brought me back just to leave me?? to die?? you have morgan, you have a family, it’s not just you, you can’t throw yourself away like that!”

• he’s angry because he idolizes tony a lot, so he has this mentality of “there’s nothing Mr. Stark can’t do” so tony’s desperate usage of the stones doesn’t seem desperate to peter, it just seems? suicidal. like tony doesn’t wanna be with everyone he just got back

• like “Mr. Stark can invent time travel but he can’t invent a way to use the infinity stones without getting fatally wounded? Is he trying to die?”

• he feels abandoned

• I think they’re not on great terms for like. a week, at least, after the fact. peter gets updates on tony’s condition through pepper or bruce or steve, but he never visits tony himself

• he hangs out with aunt may a lot, and he’s always in the same building as tony, but if he hears tony coming down the hall, he’ll make a turn to avoid seeing him

• eventually he meets morgan in the hallway, and they get along a lot, but sometimes she does stuff that reminds him of tony, and he gets bitter because he’s still mad. never takes it out on her, though

• eventually peter and tony talk it out, but their interactions are kinda rocky for a while. tense and awkward

• peter has hecka anxiety following the blip

• not rlly from the act of disappearing, since he doesn’t remember dying, but from getting back and not knowing what the heck is going on

• like people he knows are different, older, sadder and he feels (unnecessarily) guilty, because he thinks it’s his fault people are sad—because he died and that’s what made them that way

• and he’s back, and they’re happier, but there are still years of grieving he gave so many people, so obv he feels guilty

• and he feels out of place! because it doesn’t feel like his world anymore. he felt current before the blip, but now he isn’t even up to date on the damn meme culture

• little things like that bother him. someone references a modern meme and he doesn’t get it, so he starts to panic. starts to feel like he’s still gone

• someone sings a song that came out while he was gone, and he feels like he’s gonna throw up because he doesn’t know all of the lyrics

• he constantly feels like he’s behind

• like he’s being left behind

• like if he blinks, it’s gonna be another five years. he’s scared to sleep because he worries how long will have passed when he wakes up again

• tony feels really guilty too, but that’s plain old canon canon, not a hc lmao

• hc version tho says he feels more than just normal guilty, because even upon getting peter (and everyone else) back, now so many people have emotional trauma, and he feels like he screwed up. Like even in doing what’s right, he managed to hurt people

• and he feels bad for basically sacrificing himself, because he knows that also hurt people around him; he’s not used to having people actively care about his wellbeing

ahh idk!! I’m not sure if these even make sense, let alone if they’re valid!! but these are just the first angsty things I thought of :’) I love to hurt I guess

- 🐡

[callistawolf]

Arrow finale wrap-up

So the Arrow 7x22 finale aired last night. It was... intense. Well. the last 15 minutes or so were intense. Before that it was a lot of “yeah yeah... action punch kick thwack thwick blah blah got it” or maybe that was just me. But the end... ohhhhhh the end. It was good, fam. I’m a happy fan today. 

Remember when I did my finale prediction post a week or so ago? I thought it might be fun to revisit it... see how well I did. 

big fight in the future, possibly bigger than the one in the present - I’d say... YEAH, this happened. The fight against the future was built up all year long and had a notable payoff: destroying the wall and Galaxy One. I’m presuming that was accomplished. The fight in the present was a lot more meh and involved Oliver talking it out with Emiko before she died at the hands of the Ninth Circle. Smeh. 

Oliver showing Emiko mercy - Yep, that also happened. Shocker. I think we all saw that coming. 

Oliver and Felicity carrying through with the plan to leave the city and go off the grid for the better of the unborn Mia. - Another yep. Pretty much that exact reason too. 

(though why they can’t call up Will and have him come visit at the very least I DO NOT KNOW but whatever) - Do I get a half point for this? They WANTED to call him up. It was in the plan to reconnect with William. 

The reveal of where the heck Oliver went to in the future (simultaneous in the present and future, perhaps?) - Again, this is pretty much how it happened though the “future” reveal was more of a fakeout than anything else. Both were, in a way, since it was the final scene that revealed he wasn’t actually dead. 

Mr. Monitor shows up to rain on EVERYONE’S parade. - He so did. Olicity were enjoying a post-putting-baby-to-bed glass of wine and here he comes to wreck the day. BOO. HISS. 

This happens post-Baby Mia. - Bingo. 

(pls pls pls get at least one shot of Oliver cradling his daughter pls pls pls) - AWW YISSSS... so glad I got this. In fact, when we saw Felicity hand the baby to Oliver outside and he lifted her over his head? I’m pretty sure I screamed. 

Oliver and Felicity get an amazing scene and we all collectively swoon and sob and why couldn’t they give us more scenes like this leading up to the end I DO NOT KNOW but at least we get it now? I feel pretty sure they’ll ruin us as per Steve’s tweet when filming it. - I hate how accurate this was. They did make us swoon and sob and ruined us entirely. I HATE THEM BUT I LOVE THEM. 

Felicity will refuse to give up on him (hence her wearing her wedding ring 20 years in the future). - Again ACCURATE. She was always planning to go be with him. How she got the Monitor to play along I have no idea but props to her. 

Felicity DOES NOT die in the future. - Not even CLOSE. 

I repeat: FELICITY. DOES. NOT. DIE. IN. THE. FUTURE. - pfft as if it was even a possibility. 

shall I say it again for those in the cheap seats: FELICITY AIN’T DYING IN THE FUTURE, FAM!!! - some of y’all were worried, don’t deny it, i saw the tweets. lol 

It’s possible, however, that Rene could sacrifice himself to save William in the future. #ByeHaircut - WRONG. So wrong. I’m a little bummed that I was wrong. But there’s always season 8. *cough*

The future will actually get somewhat resolved/bettered. Mia, Connor and William will show their chops as rising vigilantes. Felicity will be proud. - Wow yeah... Zoe too I suppose but yeah, the torch was passed to the JV team and it was very cute. I really hope we get that spin off. 

Felicity might remark on how her father would be proud too. - She didn’t but y’all know she was thinking it. 

Felicity figures out where Oliver is/how to get to him/something of that vein and goes off to find him. - HAHA. I had not even TRIED to hope that she might just go be with him straight off. I thought there was gonna be some work involved but NOPE. She was ready. Off she went. To be with him. MY HEART. THat was the most amazing reveal EVER. 

I’m a little more hazy on that cuz I’m just not SURE how she’ll exit in the future. Just that she will. And that she’s not dying. - I mean, accurate. 

NOT. DYING. - NOPE. Never dying. She’s immortal. 

I *do* feel certain we’ll learn of Oliver’s fate though and that he is not dead either. - They tried it though, didn’t they? Listen, I think the gravestone was to explain what happened to him because he was not dead but he could also not return. I think probably only John knows, besides Felicity, that he wasn’t dead. 

Suck it, haters. - I really hope they’re sucking it HARD today. 

The Oliver reveal (not him personally, just his fate/Felicity going to find him/etc) could be the cliffhanger the season ends on. - I mean. Yeah? Pretty much what happened. Cuz they let us think he was dead for a hot second and then Felicity goes off to be with him which absolutely indicates a state of Being Alive so... yeah, that was a bit of a cliffhanger. Absolutely nailed how that would be the last thing before the end. I’m giving myself points for this one. LOL 

Not too bad, right? I mean, I feel like a good number of these were fairly obvious so I don’t wanna pat myself on the back too much. It was a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. The very end really did surprise me. I was NOT expecting her to go off to be with him right away like that. And, according to Shipper!Steve, Oliver and Felicity are together right now (in the future) (what?) so that’s super duper comforting. I knew they’d be together again eventually but I was expecting the end of s8 or something. But nope. RIGHT NOW. Bless. 

And now I’m gonna go watch their last scene together again and probably cry and hate myself a little for doing it.