#but also i'm 95% sure that this will have a part 2 in the works bc i feel like it's lazy writing and that ending??? i'm gonna continue it dw

[junnieverse]

IT GIRL L♡VER ➳ ENHYPEN

➙ what it's like for enhypen to be dating their s/o who is also an idol

pairing: enhypen x afab!reader

genre: fluff, a tiny bit suggestive under heeseung's

request: " Cutie patotiiiiii. What do we think about enhypen dating an idol s/o? Maybe even the it girl of the generation? Sending you lots of love <3 ~ sunshine ☀️"

a/n: here it is anon, thank you for the request sweetie and sending you even more love right back, hope you like it!

a/n (2): it has also been brought to my attention that @/rlcswo on tiktok has stolen this word for word so please do go and report this user everyone

a/n (3): shameless self promo, I have a new enha series so please do check it out, thank you <3

🖇️ — 양정원 ; JUNGWON !

he is constantly doing covers of your group's dances

he is a bit more lowkey and 'professional' about your relationship

more 'private but not secret' because he knows how you both need to keep your work separated to your private life

but he will be posting his selcas with you to show fans how smitten he is

jungwon is already incredibly active on weverse always replying to fans but now talking about you is all he ever does

'Jungwon how was your day?' a fan would ask

'Just had lunch with my sweet (y/n) and now I'm going to practice!'

biggest simp ever actually

sees you on the big screen during an award show and he's all smiles now, it's adorable :(

but ofcourse you would be displaying the biggest grin ever seeing jungwon shining on stage too

🖇️ — 이희승 ; HEESEUNG !

this man would risk it all for your relationship

whenever you were both together in public he would always be overly affectionate (giving dispatch a field day with the amount of content)

he knows you want to keep things a bit more private despite being in a confirmed public relationship because engene are a little... yeah

but ofcourse majority of them were very supportive and found you and hee to be such a cute couple

the amount of edits of him giving you 'the look' and fans constantly commenting how they wished they were you even for just a second

you'd usually try to stay composed around heeseung but your boyfriend was a tease and he wanted to see you become a flustered mess even on camera

k-netz knew this too because during an enhypen performance, when heeseung's part would come up the camera workers would always try to get the camera on you to get your reaction

let's just say there are many YouTube compilation videos of you simping for your boyfriend

'(Y/n) folding for Heeseung for 8 minutes straight'

🖇️ — 박종성 ; JAY !

jay usually keeps your relationship with him private unless it is brought up or he has something to say about you relating to something he was talking about

"Speaking of actually, (Y/n) showed me how to play this new song on my guitar." jay says during the live as he played a few chords

and during the en o clock episode where he was making muscles for the boys, he wasn’t sure on how to make them and so he called you to help him

fans found it endearing how he causally stayed on the call with you throughout him cooking and his phone would pass around the boys whilst they all said hi and made small talk with you

it soon became a normal thing where during lives if you were to call you would say hi to engene and during your lives he would say hi to your fans

he's always buying you gifts

during your lives there is atleast one item you have on that you'll mention saying you got it as a gift from jay

jay is very much into his rock music and that's pretty much 95% of his Spotify and then the other 5% is your group's songs

🖇️ — 심재윤 ; JAKE !

the most supportive boyfriend ever

best believe he is cheering the loudest during your performances and when your group wins an award

if it's one thing jake was gonna do, it was shamelessly promote you and your group's music

he plays atleast one song from your group during his solo lives and he talks about which songs he likes more and how hard you worked on it

during interviews, just from hearing your name he becomes like a happy pup wagging it's tail like it's time for his walk

the members always tease him for how much of a simp he is but fans find it so cute and wish for a jake of their own

'10 minutes of Jake being (Y/n)'s biggest fan'

you both have matching couple rings that you never take off even during performances

overall just super proud to call himself your boyfriend :(

🖇️ — 박성훈 ; SUNGHOON !

when ni-ki mentioned how sunghoon has high standards he wasnt lying, but then again you are the standard :p

a complete show off unlike jungwon

"Oh you know (y/n)? Yeah they're my girlfriend, isn't she pretty." he would say during a live

despite your protests telling him to stop he just wants everyone to know that your his

now he's all boastful when you aren't there but the minute you're both in one room, it's like he doesn't know how to act

hoon becomes almost robotic and can't even maintain eye contact with you

gets all shy in front of everyone and can't show you any pda

you both had to mc together once and hoon kept stumbling over his words and would blush everytime you looked over to him and smiled

the 4th gen it couple everyone loves and wants to be or be like

🖇️ — 김선우 ; SUNOO !

being called the 'sunshinez' as your couple nickname

loves spending time with you

he passed the friend check too and your members absolutely adore him (just as much as the enha members adore you)

you didn't know this until he mentioned it on a live but he collects your pcs

your no. 1 fanboy that's for sure

fans even noticed how you'd both started picking up small habits from each other

the couple that has all the juiciest tea on people in the industry

fans soon found out you'd actually been supporting him since his i-land days and found it so special

he posts atleast one photo he has with you atleast once a week and it's always the cutest thing

🖇️ — 西村 力 ; NI-KI !

he loves seeing you wearing his clothes during lives or part of your airport fashion

similarly to jake, you and riki have matching couple necklaces that you always have on

now riki usually keeps to himself but when it comes to you he suddenly comes out from his cave

he could disappear without posting for weeks to a month but when your group has a comeback he is the first to post it on his weverse to promote it and fans will tease him about it

'Ni-ki coming out of the trenches to hype up his girl' fans would say

'You'll know Riki's alive when he makes a post about or with (y/n)'

ofcourse netizens are quick to notice that too calling it couple goals

if he's not out with jake then he's either at home or with you, no in between

he's always sharing inside jokes he has with you to fans and they love how happy you make him

if ni-ki isn't updating fans, they come to you begging you to tell your boyfriend and miraculously he updates on social media

[chireikiden]

do we know whether zun writes the script for each official manga word for word, or if he gives the artists a detailed outline and they write the dialogue? i often wonder this because i feel like the writing styles of each manga can differ quite a lot, and some of them feel really different from the way zun writes dialogue in the games.

I don't think we can say for sure how he works with each individual manga. However, the largest sample we have is from this spring's Dai Touhou Project Expedition, which included some of ZUN's scripts for Lotus Eaters. As photography was banned in this section, afaik we only have the recreated text in this blog post here, in Japanese of course.

In these examples, the dialogue is the one thing that ZUN does include word-for-word, while most other descriptions are very brief. This matches how the artists clearly draw e.g. characters' reactions and general behavior very differently.

The scripts have been reframed a bit for the expo, and Mizutaki's comments are a later addition, but we can assume the contents themselves are pretty unedited (or else there'd be very little point in displaying them as a showpiece). I'm gonna go through a couple.

Here we have the script for the first few pages of Lotus Eaters chapter 4. The Japanese dialogue is word-for-word identical between the script and the finished manga, and though this could be a change made for the expo, I doubt they did that. I've borrowed Alpha Beta Kappa's translation for the dialogue, but the point is to illustrate what is and isn't in the script:

Chapters 4–5｜"The Haughty Grab Even the Red Ape" (Part 1–2) Page 95 ― ZUN's Script ――Night-time cherry blossoms at the Hakurei Shrine. Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya, Remilia, Youmu, and some other usual characters may or may not be there. Everyone's already had some drink, and the party is in full swing. Sakuya brings out a dessert on a large tray. Marisa: "What's this?" Sakuya: "I tried my hand at a dessert. In the Outside World, it's called tarte soleil, or 'tart of the sun'. Supposedly it's quite popular for it's sunlike appearance. Although as the sun hardly suits my mistress, I tried rearranging it for a night theme. I call it the tarte lune. It's not too sweet, so enjoy." Everyone's excited. Sakuya looks proud. Marisa: "Fits right in your hand!" Reimu: "This is wonderful." Everyone happily finishes dessert as well. No one's looking at the cherry blossoms at this point. Reimu: "Jeez, your cooking's so good. I'm glad we asked you for help again, Sakuya." Sakuya: "Oh, it's nothing. I merely prepared it to entertain the mistress. Perhaps this is the best the shrine could hope for, but it really is nothing praiseworthy. To think you'd be so easily pleased." Reimu and Marisa smile awkwardly. Reimu: "R-Right... Well—" Marisa: "Y-Yeah, that's right!" Mizutaki's Comments ZUN-san's script didn't really clarify what this tarte lune was supposed to look like, so I just came up with something tasty-looking based on the appearance of the real-life tarte soleil. It says that Sakuya made this for dessert for Remilia, yet Remilia doesn't actually have any lines here. Luckily she's a pretty easy character to make move on page.

Obviously this is a pretty simple, dialogue-based scene, with not much else happening plot-wise, but it shows how all the little interactions on page and even what characters are present is left to the artist's discretion. Sometimes the script for an entire page is like "Miyoi's cleaning happily, when suddenly there's some noise at the door", and sometimes the script ends up becoming a different number of pages than expected. Because the whole point is to be the script for the story, though, it can also be pure description when that's what the story is being told through:

Chapters 11-12｜"Love the Customer, Hate the Sin" (Part 1–2) Pages 106–107 ― ZUN's Script Mamizou and Komachi begin to exchange information. Mamizou keeps the existence of Sanshoku Geidontei a secret, but tells her about the fake name customer. Komachi recognizes what she's talking about! And shares what she knows. Mamizou looks like she understands everything now, and seems satisfied with herself, but her face is also a little solemn. Mizutaki's Comments This scene had no dialogue, only ZUN-san's description of Mamizou and Komachi's conversation. Figuring out how to draw stuff like this is difficult, and I feel a bit lost sometimes, but it's also fun in some ways. Since the location wasn't specified, I wanted to give the feeling that they're hiding themselves from humans but doing so right under their noses, so I chose the underside of a bridge across the river (canal) that runs through the Village. Where else would Komachi be but a "river", after all!

In general, we have Mizutaki's word for the scripts being a bit vague sometimes, but being able to discuss them with ZUN during the process:

Chapters 1–3｜"A Drunken Evening Leaves no Memories" (Part 1–3) Page 77 ― ZUN's Script Suika: "Ah, yeah. I just figured she was that sorta youkai. The kind that always appears at bars. Getting people drunk and then wasting 'em. Good sake makes for a good suima. Bad sake makes for a bad one. And an oni's sake, well..." Reimu: "Well what?" Suika drinks directly from the gourd. She laps up the last bits of the bottomless Ibuki Gourd. Looking drunk and very smug, she goes: Suika: "That makes for... the strongest kind of suima. Unmatched, and unparalleled." Mizutaki's Comments At the time that I got the script, this scene had basically no stage directions. When I tried asking ZUN at our meeting what the mood was supposed to be like, he suggested that Suika blow an alcohol-laden breath at Reimu, so the end result is what you see. (*We were usually also drinking during our meetings, and it's not like I really have any clear notes from them, so there's also a good chance that I'll misremember things. Please read with that in mind...)

We don't get to know how much of the embellished fight scene against the dream-pig that follows was in the script, and how much of it is Mizutaki's creation. But it's already easy to see that with directions like this, any scene can be drawn in many different ways.

If this is representative of the other manga too, it seems that the dialogue itself is straight from ZUN, but almost everything else we see on page is just drawn based on his very general directions. This means that even if the text is pure ZUN, it can still be greatly affected by the context, and the less dialogue there is going on, the more of the page is made up whole-cloth by the artist.

Presumably there are differences in how he works with different artists for different manga, and CDS for example has far less dialogue than most of his other manga, but I must assume that is on purpose. For example, he's said on some show or other (don't ask me to dig up the source, sorry) that he enjoys how he can just kinda tell Akimaki to stick in a fight scene and cut loose (which tells us both that it's Akimaki's doing, but also ZUN-approved).

I can't say with confidence that the dialogue in CDS or any other manga is also word-for-word from ZUN's script, but I think it's plausible and likely, and the artists just have a lot of room to put their own spin on it even without touching a word of it.

There's also other factors in the dialogue pipeline, of course, such as:

ZUN himself is writing in a very different format in the games than in the manga, and the manga generally have a lot more and lengthier dialogues.

The text is split up very differently (into small text boxes vs. across multiple bubbles and pages). And believe me, if you've never translated Japanese, the way things like periods, ellipses, commas and conjuctions are placed is half translator preference and half trying to wrestle with the way the text is split.

The game translations are generally massaged by a number of translators, while the manga are hammered out by individual translators in a couple days with maybe proofreading at most, meaning that their individual styles also affect things more directly.

[fumifooms]

3 things: 1) i love the intensely deep posts you make about dungeon meshi, the characters, everything about it. thank you. 2) this means the wiki is immensely annoying to me because it isn't nearly as in-depth as your blog is. 3) i'm looking for visual reference of the black-haired male half-foot chilchuck is usually standing next to whenever he's at the guild. please help. is it the guy that shows up in chapter 95, with the freckles??

1) Thank you, that’s super nice to say and to hear 🥺 2) felt lol, the wiki is hm… Barebones and often off. I edited in the info about Chil being underweight because I crave everyone being painfully aware of it but otherwise fanwikis scare me I’m unlikely to touch it again— the gallery section saves my ass on the regular tho lol. As always with fandoms, community work makes the dream work!

That’s Dandan! He does even have a wiki page. He used to work in gold-stripping along with Laios and Falin, and then was a part of Laios’ party, and eventually introduced Chilchuck to the party(and the marriage seeker mage?)! He has connections alright, and he sure is in the half-foot guild. He is a very minor character so panels of him are limited… Luckily I have a buddy obsessed with him so I have them on hand, this might be literally all panels of him out there idk atp

I recommend reading the extra on Laios’ party formation if you haven’t already, and since it’s pre-canon it’s not spoilery for anime-onlies. There’s also speculation that he may be related to Chilchuck’s wife or Chilchuck himself because of the black curly hair like Fler, the freckles and his heavy lids (his design does differ from appearance to appearance lol but he does generally have noticeably deep-set eyes). Plus the panel below, which may imply he’s always been a family friend… Speculation though as I said, more on it here in the hair section if you’re interested. But if this is right then baby Dandan <3

Alright that’s it for today hope it helped, ta-ta, bweh

[darl-ingfics]

Come Lean Your Back on Me (Part 2)

Fandom: Seventeen

Sickie: 95 Line (pneumonia)

Caregiver(s): Seventeen

Word Count: 4,436 | Part 1

CW: hospital (nothing too graphic, but much of this takes place there)

Notes: First and foremost I don't know how oxygen masks work, and there are probably many medical inaccuracies. Second, this was my first real two part-er fic, and I'm so excited to share the conclusion with you. To the anon that sent this ask initially, thank you. This one's been a delight to write.

Seungcheol was barely asleep when he heard his door burst open. He was in the middle of contemplating if the cold medicine he’d taken before bed wasn’t actually the nighttime variety he’d intended to take because he didn’t feel sleepy at all when that stuff usually knocked him out. It also occurred to him that while he didn’t feel sleepy, he was so, so tired. Everything limb felt heavy, every muscle sore. His thoughts were hazy. And yet he just couldn’t fall asleep. 

So he was somewhere in the middle of asleep and awake when the door opened, and his leader instincts kicked in on autopilot. He had already switched on the lamp when Mingyu appeared at his bedside. 

Squinting against the light, Mingyu looked scared. “Hyung. You need to come. It’s Shua.”

Seungcheol sat up, ignoring the protesting ache in his muscles; autopilot was really working to his advantage right now. “What’s wrong?” He silently thanked the universe that the meds he’d taken were at least dulling his symptoms so that his sickness wasn’t obvious when his dongsaeng needed him. 

“He’s really sick.” Well shit. “Seokmin thinks hospital.”

“Hospital?!” Seungcheol threw back his covers and swung himself out of bed, shaking his head to clear a wave of dizziness. 

Mingyu nodded. “His temp was 39.6.” Seungcheol froze, staring at Mingyu in shock. The younger man nodded again in earnest. “And he said he couldn’t breathe. He’s coughing real bad.” 

It was Seungcheol’s turn to nod as he started moving towards the hall again. His hand skimmed against the wall, keeping him steady. But he made sure it was only his fingertips and not a full lean so Mingyu wouldn’t worry more than he already was. He didn’t stop until he reached Joshua’s room, feeling Mingyu on his heels as he rounded the doorframe. 

Seokmin was still cradling Joshua in his arms, half standing, half kneeling on the bed. He looked more terrified than Seuncheol had ever seen him as he clutched tightly to Joshua’s body, the elder mumbling incoherently despite looking like he was fast asleep. 

“Hyung.” Seokmin’s voice was little more than a sob. “Please. Help me.”

*

Seungcheol did not like being the one who had to go to the hospital with his members when they were hurt or sick. He hated watching other people poke and prod at his brothers, hated how they ignored their cries of pain or needs for comfort, even though he knew they were just doing their job. He hated seeing his brother so fragile. 

But he also refused to be left behind, to be anywhere but by his brothers’ side in their time of need. 

Still. It sucked to watch the paramedics carry Joshua’s body from the ambulance as if he were nothing more than a sack of potatoes. It hurt watching the nurses flock around him, hands fluttering between an IV, blood draws, all of it. The worst was the mask, the fucking oxygen mask cause Joshua couldn’t fucking breathe. Cause how had he, Seungcheol, let it get this bad? How had he missed this? Sure, he’d known Joshua was sick; they’d both joked about Jeonghan’s overcommitment to the phrase ‘sharing is caring.’ But it was just a cold. Not… this. The thought ‘why didn’t Joshua say something?’ also crossed his mind, but the answer came just as quick: ‘you haven’t said anything either, so look who’s talking.’ 

But the absolute worst came after the mask; was having to sit back and watch Joshua come to and have a panic attack because of the confusion of waking up in an unknown space with a plastic dome strapped to his face. Listening to the heart rate monitor shrieking in time with his member’s anxiety. His view of his dear friend suddenly distorted from the nurses flurrying around.

Seungcheol couldn’t sit anymore. He jumped to his friend’s side, grabbed the hand closest to him. “It’s alright, I’m here, I’m here, just breathe,” the leader soothed in English, his fingers wrapping around Joshua’s hands and pulling them away from the plastic mask. “You need it, sweetheart. You’re sick, and this is making you better, I promise.” When Joshua’s fingers stilled, Seungcheol released his hands, instead pressing back on Joshua’s shoulders, finding very little resistance. “Lay back, that’s it. You need to let your body heal. Don’t fight it.” Joshua whimpered, unable to talk. “I know. It sucks, baby. But I’m right here.”

Joshua nodded, tears running down his cheeks, getting lost in the plastic lining of the oxygen mask. The heart rate monitor slowed to a near steady beat. The nurses gave them a fraction more space. 

Seungcheol took Joshua’s hand again. Squeezed it tight. The leader nodded approvingly when he felt a faint squeeze back. 

And then, without warning, all the color drained from Seuncheol’s face, and he collapsed to the floor, fingers going slack as they slipped away from Joshua’s hand. 

*

Jeonghan was already splayed across the couch when Chan walked in the next morning. The younger man expected his hyung to be cooped up in his room most of the day, nursing the cold he’d been suffering through the night before. The humidifier seemed to have helped; Chan had heard significantly less ‘sick person’ noise after their exchange. But, looking at Jeonghan now, Chan wasn’t so sure. The older vocalist looked incredibly pale with the exception of a pink flush dusting his cheeks and nose. Even the positioning of his body looked pained; Chan couldn’t fully explain how that was true, but just, something about the pajama pants and old hoodie and the one leg bent with the other straight and the arm thrown across his eyes… Jeonghan looked the epitome of suffering. 

As if to qualify Chan’s inner thoughts, Jeonghan groaned, pathetic as anything. 

The younger man snorted. “You good there, hyung?”

Jeonghan begrudgingly removed the arm he had thrown across his eyes. “I have forgotten what it is like to smell and taste things.” His voice was thick with disuse and the build up of all the gross the medicine hadn’t cleared yet. 

Chan outright chuckled this time, shaking his head. “I would ask how you slept, but it’s clear from the level of drama that it wasn’t well.” Jeonghan attempted to throw a pillow at him, missing terribly. Chan chuckled again. “Did the humidifier help at all?”

“It helped a lot, actually. Thank you,” Jeonghan answered, a genuine smile replacing his petulant scowl. “It helped me breathe through the pain.” He sniffled dramatically for emphasis.

“Then what kept you awake?”

“Everything huuurtsssss,” Jeonghan whined, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. Chan pouted sympathetically as he moved to sit on the couch opposite Jeonghan. “Seriously, every part of my body aches.”

“I can only imagine. My whole body hurts too, and I’m not even sick on top of that,” Chan replied, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, you try three days of concerts with the cold from hell…”

Chan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Three days? Hyung, you’ve been sick for three days?”

Jeonghan nodded, sniffling. “Yeah?”

“And you didn’t tell anyone?”

A shrug. “Did it matter?”

Chan shrugged this time. “I mean, yeah. The weather’s been so shitty. That had to be terrible for you.”

Jeonghan scoffed, the noise upsetting his sore throat and prompting a cough. “It is what it is. I’m just glad it was me and not someone else.”

“That’s not the point.” 

“Well I don’t have anything else to say on the topic. So pick another one, or leave me to my wallowing.”

Chan rolled his eyes, pulling his phone from his hoodie pocket. Silence spread between them for only a moment before Chan opened the group chat…

“Oh shit.” Jeonghan glanced over in curiosity, getting worried when he saw the way Chan sat forward, staring at his phone. “Have you seen the group chat?”

“No?”

“Shua’s in the hospital.” 

Jeonghan sat up faster than either of them thought possible with an unrestrained, “WHAT?!” He instantly regretted shouting so loud, and moving so fast, as he was hit with a coughing fit that wasn’t helped at all by a violent wave of dizziness. Chan stood up, ready to help, but Jeonghan waved him off, swallowing harshly. He motioned for Chan to explain more. 

The maknae looked back at his phone, worrying at his lower lip. “I don’t know much. Kyeomie messaged around 2 in the morning that one of the managers was on their way to take Joshua to the hospital. That he’d found him burning up and struggling to breathe. And Seungcheollie was going to go with them.” Chan looked up at Jeonghan, looking young and scared. “Cheollie then messaged later that everything’s fine, they’ve got Shua stable and on an IV for meds and fluids, but tests still haven’t come back to tell us what’s wrong.” Jeonghan didn’t know what to say to comfort him. Especially when he watched the younger man scrutinizing him closer. “Come to think of it, hyung, haven’t you been experiencing the same symptoms?”

Jeonghan shrugged, attempting to act casual. “I can breathe moderately well, thank you…”

“But like…” Chan shook his head, trying to scramble together words. “What if you have the same bug? What if you eventually need to go the…”

“Channie-bug, I promise you, I’m fine.” The cough that followed his statement was an absolute contradiction, but Jeonghan waved it off. “It’s nothing more than a bad cold. I’ve had worse. We all have. And, honestly…” He shook his head, the quirk of his lips revealing inner thoughts he didn’t want to say out loud. “I got Shuji sick in the first place…”

“Hyung…”

Jeonghan held up a hand, unwilling to allow Chan to either badger him about going to the doctor too or assure him Joshua being hospitalized wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t sure which one he actually needed more right now, and wasn’t willing to think about either. “BUT! Just because it is the same bug doesn’t mean shit. Germs hit people differently, ya know? My immune system may be in the trenches right now, but it’s still kicking. Besides, Cheol said Shuji’s stable, yeah? Sometimes all you need are those good hospital meds and you’re good as new.” 

“I guess…”

“Channie.” The younger man looked up, surprised by the serious tone in his hyung’s voice. As unwell as he looked, Jeonghan’s stare was one of the most comforting things Chan could remember seeing in a long time. “I swear to you that I feel okay at this moment. I will let you, or someone else if you aren’t here, know that second that changes, if it changes. Okay?”

Chan nodded, his hyung’s resolve reassuring him. “Okay.”

But the voice of worry inside him didn’t completely disappear. 

*

When Seungcheol came to, he was confused. He heard unfamiliar voices. There was a beeping sounding from somewhere close by. The lights were harsher than the ones at the dorm or the studio. Harsher than stage lights, really. Maybe that had to do with the white walls and floors and ceilings…

There were hands pulling at him. He felt distant from his own body, as if he were simply a child’s toy. He allowed his body to be manipulated by the hands, trusting them fully.

The hands pushed and pulled into a seated position. Since when was he lying down?

The hands attempted to pull him to his feet. His legs crumpled. The hands caught him. Kept him up. 

It felt nice to be supported by the hands. 

Then everything went dark again.

*

Joshua watched the nurses scrape Seungcheol up from the floor. His hand, the one Seungcheol had only just been holding, was still reaching towards his leader, his friend, his brother. Joshua felt helpless, unable to speak or move or do anything but watch as his Cheollie was dragged out of the room. Away from him. 

Joshua was crying, trying to be quiet about it. Cheollie needed the doctor’s attention now. 

Still, one of the nurses had stayed with him, and she frowned. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay. He’s in the best place possible to faint, yeah?” Joshua looked up at her, eyes so round and misty and scared and confused and… the nurse had never fully gotten used to seeing that look on her patients. It still broke her heart. But it also reminded her why she’d pursued this job in the first place. “I promise you, your friend is in good hands. I need you to focus on you right now. The best thing you can do for him is allow your own body to heal, okay? And I’m here to help you do that. Sound good?” 

Joshua nodded. 

The nurse smiled. “Great. Now, I can either tell you what’s happening or not. Sometimes people don’t want to know. Do you want me to explain what’s going on?” Joshua nodded. “We’re still waiting on some tests, but you have an advanced upper repository infection. Likely pneumonia. Your breathing was really unstable when you arrived, and that’s why we need you to wear that mask for at least fifteen more minutes. Then we’ll be able to judge how best to treat you. Does that make sense?” Joshua nodded again, but the nurse saw that his eyes had once again welled up with tears. She clicked her tongue, grabbing his hand gently, rubbing her thumb over his skin. She felt Joshua give her a tiny squeeze back. “How can I help?” She mimed removing the mask so he could talk. 

Joshua’s other hand was shaking as he lifted the oxygen mask and whispered, “I want my mom.”

The nurses felt her heart constrict with sympathy “I can call her? Ask her to come visit?”

Joshua shook his head, his face screwing up as he let the mask fall back into place. “I can’t…”

“His mom lives in the United States.” The nurse jumped as Joshua’s manager appeared next to her. Of course he was still here; she’d forgotten about him while focused on her patient. But she nodded in understanding. 

The manager moved to Joshua’s other side, running a soothing hand through his hair. “I know it’s so hard to not have your mom close right now, bud. How about we Facetime her in a few hours?” Joshua nodded, but the tears didn’t stop. The manager smiled warmly, still working his fingers through Joshua’s hair. The nurse couldn’t help but smile too. 

*

“So let me get this straight.” Soonyoung clasped his hands together, pointing them somewhat accusingly at Jeonghan. “You, Seuncheol, and Joshua all got sick before the concert and didn’t tell anyone. You performed all three days. Now, both Cheollie and Shua were admitted to the hospital due to complications from that illness, and you think you don’t need to go too?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Soonyoung threw his hands up in defeat, looking to Wonwoo for back up. The rapper shrugged. “Why not, hyung?” To be fair, Wonwoo was hardly awake and had just walked in for a cup of coffee when he’d been dragged into the living room by Soonyoung and Chan. 

Jeonghan shrugged again. “I’m just built different.” The hacking cough that followed his statement did nothing to inspire confidence. 

“He’s been doing that all morning. All night too,” Chan added helpfully (or unhelpfully from Jeonghan’s perspective.) 

Wonwoo blinked as both Soonyoung and Chan looked at him expectantly, (obviously, Soonyoung had tried his bit and it hadn’t worked.) The taller man shrugged. “If hyung doesn’t want to go to the hospital, we can’t force him to.” Soonyoung scoffed in frustration, spinning on his heels and out of the room. Chan simply pouted at Wonwoo, obviously attempting to change his mind. 

“See, this is why you’re my favorite,” Jeonghan said. 

“Why’s he your favorite?” Seungkwan asked as he joined the group. 

Chan crossed his arms over his chest in a huff. “Because hyung’s being a stubborn jerk.” Seungkwan’s eyes slid to Jeonghan. From the way his brow furrowed, Jeonghan realized Chan and Soonyoung had just found their next ally. 

“What, do I look that good?” the elder vocalist joked. Seungkwan straight up frowned at  the sound of his voice. Jeonghan sighed. Today was going to be a long day… unless he just… gave into their suggestions…

But Jeonghan knew he couldn’t do that. Sure, Soonyoung and Chan and Seungkwan were currently frustrated with him. That was just a disguise for their worry, though, their fear. it was unsettling to have not one, but two of their hyungs already down for the count. And in such a scary way too; hospital was never a word anyone wanted to hear. So Jeonghan had to stay strong. He couldn’t deny being sick, that ship had sailed, but he knew he wasn’t hospital-level sick. And his members, his younger brothers, needed to know he was okay. 

So Jeonghan would be okay. 

*

The second time Seungcheol came to, he was incredibly confused. He still had no idea where he was. The lights were still too harsh to be the ones in the dorms. The bed beneath him and the blankets tucked over him certainly weren’t his own. Wait. When had he laid down in a bed? When had he fallen asleep? When…? Where…? Why…?

“Don’t think too hard.”

Seungcheol turned his head to the side to see Jeonghan curled up in a chair next to his bed. The vice leader was wearing hospital-issued pajamas, the shirt sleeves sticking out of a sweatshirt Seungcheol recognized as Wonwoo’s. He was also wearing fuzzy socks that were obviously Hoshi’s, given their black and orange striped pattern. 

“What… the fuck?” Seungcheol managed to whisper. His voice was raspy, caught on a lump in his throat that made him cough. 

Jeonghan snorted. “Hey, watch your language. This is a hospital.”

“Hospital?”

Jeonghan nodded. “You and a manager brought Shuji here in the wee hours of the morning. You insisted on staying with him after he was admitted. You passed out pretty soon after that. Turns out the stress of seeing Shua sent your temperature through the roof.”

Seungcheol blinked slowly, his brain struggling to retain all of that information. He swallowed, wincing. “How do you know all that?” “I don’t.” Jeonghan shrugged, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. “But it seems likely enough, right?” 

“He’s right.” Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s attention snapped to the door where Joshua was leaning against the frame. He was pulling an IV pole with him as he entered, but it didn’t slow him at all as he moved immediately to the bed, climbing in next to Seungcheol, curling up against his friend’s side. “You did pass out. Just for a second, but it really freaked us all out.”

Seungcheol paused, settling his arms around Joshua, appreciating the feeling of having his friend so close. A memory tugged at his mind: Joshua with the oxygen mask. Joshua looked better than that memory; he didn’t look quite so weak and helpless, a little more like himself. Definitely still pale, still unwell, but more Joshua. 

“Why are we all in the hospital?” Seungcheol asked, blinking blearily between his friends. 

“Pneumonia,” Joshua answered, resting his head against Seungcheol’s shoulder. Seungcheol’s eyes widened comically. His heart monitor picked up speed. He looked to Jeonghan for confirmation. The vocalist nodded sadly. 

The leader turned back to Joshua. “You’re kidding.” Joshua shook his head. Seungcheol’s head fell back against his pillow, incredulous. “I thought that… isn’t that only when you get, like, water in your lungs?”

“That’s one way, yeah, but it’s also just the worse form of a cold,” Jeonghan said. “Which, I will admit, I gave you both. So, sorry about that.” 

“No, you can’t take the blame like that,” Joshua replied, shaking his head against Seungcheol’s chest, either unable or unwilling to life his head. “We all chose to perform despite feeling icky.”

“Icky?” Jeonghan smirked. 

Joshua waved a hand, hitting him virtually. “You got a better word for it?”

Jeonghan laughed, the sound bubbling into a particularly phlegmy cough. He shook his head, rubbing at his chest. “Nah, you’re exactly right.”

“Wait, how come you aren’t IV’d or anything?” Seungcheol asked suddenly, lifting his head up to fully confirm the statement’s truth. 

Jeonghan shrugged. “My body’s just better. I’m just here for fun.”

“Liar,” Joshua snapped. 

“Fine! I pulled a muscle coughing earlier and Channie cried so I agreed to come here.” 

“Channie saw your muscle pull?” Seungcheol asked in amazement.

“No.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “You can’t actually the muscle pull, dummy. Channie saw me double over in pain after a coughing fit, and wouldn’t stop crying until I let them bring me here.” 

Seungcheol’s eyes widened dramatically. “You traumatized Channie?!” 

“Why are you acting like I’m a criminal?”

“Because you committed CRIMES! You made Channie CRY!” The yelling made him cough, but Seungcheol deemed it worth it. 

“Not on purpose!”

“I’m mad you don’t have an IV,” Seungcheol said matter-of-factly. 

“And the truth comes out…” 

“He’s not as cool as us,” Joshua said, snuggling closer to Seungcheol.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “Actually, I AM cooler than both of you. They didn’t give me an IV cause I’m not cooking as high as you two…”

“Cooking?!” Seungcheol interrupted.

“Wait, we have to cook? Isn’t that…” Joshua squinted between the two. “Didn’t you two got banned from…”

Jeonghan waved his hand, cutting them both off. “Bad metaphor, bad metaphor.  My fever’s lower and I’m not in danger of dehydrating. Thus, no IV. While you two jokers are more touch and go. I got a medication drip when they brought me in, but the nurse took it out when it was done, and she said they’ll probably do another one later. But I guess I’m just not as high maintenance as you guys.” Seungcheol scoffed, muttering something about how that just wasn’t true. Jeonghan smirked. “They didn’t need to put me on oxygen either.”

“Shut uuuuuuppp. It was only for a little bit…” Joshua whined, closing his eyes as if remembering a terrible ordeal. 

Seungcheol turned to him. “That’s what the mask was for?” Joshua whined again, a weak hand hitting Seungcheol’s arm. “I’m not mad at you! I really had no idea.”

“There’s no way you didn’t know that,” Jeonghan replied. “Younghwan-nim said you kept muttering about the ‘damn oxygen mask.’”

Seungcheol blinked. “Doesn’t sound like me. I don’t swear in hospitals.”

Joshua laughed, gently smacking the leader’s chest. Jeonghan laughed too. Seungcheol giggled with them. 

Their joy was interrupted by the sound of a terse ‘ahem’ from the doorway. All three members looked up like criminals caught in the act. One of their managers, Younghwan, the first to arrive and now only one left at the hospital with them, was standing with a look of expectation, not quite disappointed but also not quite pleasant either. 

“You guys can’t do anything alone, can you?” he asked. Despite using the joke commonly associated with the 95’s, his tone wasn’t light at all. Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua all remained silent, staring, like little kids waiting for punishment after stealing snacks before dinner. “Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, meeting each boy’s eyes with a look so sincerely hurt, they couldn’t even fathom lying.

“I’m the leader. What would it look like if…” Seungcheol cut himself off, shaking his head. “I thought I could push through for the sake of my team.”

The attention shifted to Jeonghan. “I genuinely thought it was just a cold. Something smaller that didn’t need to even be addressed cause there were bigger issues at hand.”

Joshua’s turn. “Same as Jeonghan. What’s a sore throat compared to a twisted ankle?”

Younghwan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, aware how judgmental that looked but unable to help it. “I hear you guys, I do. But… just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean you’re invincible, yeah? You can be sick just like everyone else. You wouldn’t let Chan or Seokmin or Jihoon perform while sick, would you?”

“Not if I could help it,” Seungcheol answered while Jeonghan and Joshua shook their heads. 

“Then you have to hold yourselves to the same standards. At least tell me, yeah?” All three members nodded. Younghwan nodded too. “Okay, good talk. You know, it really sucks to have to scold you when you’re literally in the hospital, right? Why do you have to make my job harder?” 

Jeonghan smiled at the teasing tone creeping into their manager’s voice. “Go big or go home, right?” 

*

All three were, thankfully, released from the hospital within the next 48 hours, mostly out of an abundance of caution. Sure, the damn oxygen mask had made a reappearance, but this time Joshua was at least coherent enough to put it on himself, and stayed awake and semi-active in Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s conversation while it was on. Sure, Seungcheol had woken up screaming from fever-induced night terrors twice, but this time he had Jeonghan and Joshua to sooth him out of it. Sure, the real pain of a pulled abdominal muscle reared its ugly head after the fact, but Jeonghan didn’t feel the need to hide his true suffering, allowing himself to be fussed over by his friends and the medical professionals. It wasn’t fun by any means, but being together in the hospital made everything feel less… icky. 

Upon returning home, they had strict orders to rest until they’d been completely fever free for at least another 48 hours, and a medication schedule that had quite literally broken Hansol’s brain when they’d tried explaining it to him (to be fair, Hansol had made the mistake of asking after rehearsal when his brain was already fried.) Sure, their members were panicky and overbearing, smothering them in cuddles and their own personal healing remedies, hardly letting them lift a finger because ‘the doctor said you have to rest.’ Sure, it was almost laughable seeing them freeze over a smallest cough or having to ask permission to get up simply go to the bathroom. 

But it was all love. Mingyu called each their families to confirm their favorite comfort foods, double checking he had the recipes right. Soonyoung had insisted on them wearing his fuzzy socks (despite Minghao’s protests that this was really just a campaign for the horanghae agenda.) Seokmin peeked into each of his hyung’s rooms every night, just to make sure they were breathing. 

They would see to it that their hyungs could never hide their suffering from them like that again. And Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua were determined to prove them right. 

[torchickentacos]

Im here for your opinions on roundworms and parasites.

THANK YOU! Your enabling is always appreciated (and I think I have a pokemon ask from you that I lost in my drafts like six months ago????? I'll go find that later!) Here are some of my parasite opinions. Under the read-more because, re: last post's tags, this is not what most of you guys signed up for 😭

My main opinion- worms are, by far, the most interesting type of parasite, even amongst other endoparasites. Exoparasites are largely boring. Sorry to any tick or leech enthusiasts out there. Amoebas (and other protozoan parasites) are just okay. They were more interesting in season 2 of House MD than they are in real life, imo.

Guinea worms (draculculiasis) are maybe the most disgusting type of endoparasite, but thankfully they're incredibly rare. I'll keep it not-revolting but the removal process is disgusting, and not much gets to me but that does. When I was in vetmed classes back in like 2018-2020, I was the person who wanted front-row seats to literally everything, and despite that, guinea worms make me viscerally uncomfortable... but very fascinated. Heartworms are pretty high up there, too, and roundworms do get an honorary mention.

Not really an opinion but I need to know what kind of worm RFK JR has. I have been so darkly fascinated by this for months on end. It's PROBABLY neurocysticercosis, but what if it's something more interesting???? I have never wanted to see the full medical work-up of a politician more badly. I periodically check to see if there's any updates in the brainworm department. ALSO, it didn't actually eat his brain. I'm not a parasitologist but I'm like 95% sure that any worms that would have a presence in the brain would not actively feed on any organic tissue in that sense. It's probably a cyst caused by a calcified tapeworm larvae that damaged surrounding brain tissue. There was probably no actual ingestion of brain tissue despite claims and headlines. BUT IF THERE WAS, I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT. But nobody has a concrete answer.

If we want to talk about non-human parasites, then horsehair worms are a fun starting point! They infect insects and cause the insect to seek out water and drown themselves, and then the worm escapes in the water as part of the worm's life cycle. If you've got a strong stomach, go look it up on youtube. It's vile but SO interesting. The Green-banded broodsac is also a lovely little freak. It invades snail's eye stalks and pulses bright, strange colors to attract birds. The bird eats the snail (and the worm) and the worm uses the bird's droppings to scatter its eggs. It's some real freak of nature type shit and I love it.

Also not really an opinion, but I learned very quickly as a child that telling the other kids fun worm facts is not a great way to make friends, but on tumblr it works just fine!

[lapdogchase]

saw ur recommendation for 3m aura n95s 👀👀 any advice on where to get them from? heading back 2 school in a few weeks and wanna stock up — tysm !!!!!

ok so!! my first recommendation is to see if there is a mask block near you, in my area it was CRANE (covid resistance action northeast), they're having trouble stocking and filling orders rn so mine took ~a month to arrive but the time would've passed anyway as they say . if ur in a more urban area ur a lot more likely to have one near u tbh, idk if it'd work but it'd be worth reaching out to the closest one even if they're not technically working in ur exact area just to see . here's a map of mask blocs worldwide- they're mostly in america (continent - but mostly in the US+canada) & europe (mostly in great britian) but there are some others too

otherwise the safest way to get some that are 100% not counterfeit is ordering directly from a supplier, but that can be expensive . project n95 is inactive now but theres still a list of suppliers there !! 3m is really good from experience . u can also get n95s/kn95s/p100 respirators from home depot if u have one near u- however the supplyaid kn95s they sell arent very good, i had them and theyre better than nothing but they only have a 67% filtration rate (as opposed to the 95% expected from n95s and kn95s - thats what the 95 stands for i was mindblown when i discovered this)

also while im thinking about it, part of the reason n95s are more protective than kn95s despite both filtering 95% of particles is bc the seal on the n95 is a lot more reliable than the kn95 :}

me personally ive been getting mine from amazon (not recommended) (i have gift cards there so im not giving them My money at least) and trying my best to make sure they're legit . i referenced the 3m n95 1870s i got using this twitter thread and they seem to be legit? on amazon it also usually says where it ships from and check the storefront, the reviews etc etc. i basically have to do an entire vetting process every time its very annoying ❤️ it is a lot less expensive though, especially if they have a sale going . (here are the ones ive been getting- the listings look the same as of rn but amazon changes them all the time so take this with a grain of salt, person i imagined reading this in 2027. link 1, link 2)

ive tried the holy trinity (new term i made up for the 3m n95 1870 (red straps), 3m n95 9205 (blue straps), and 3m n95 9210 (braided white straps)) -- ime the 9210 definitely has the tightest head straps and i have an abnormally small head on account of being 3 inches tall and born in a thimble all alone . so thats something to be aware of, if u have an abnormally big head the 3m auras might not be the best bc of the strap tightness .

SORRY I'M LIKE INFODUMPING AT U NOW ..!! i have more though . If you know anyone irl who masks asking them where they get theirs might help, they might know stuff locally. ALSO speaking of knowing stuff locally- i don't know if this is universal but i have a friend who's getting really into asian cuisine and a lot of asian grocery stores ive been to with her in my area have had masks. that's such a long shot but ive seen them five out of six stores ive gone to and never at, like, hannaford or market basket or whatever.

OKAY ONE MORE THING . when i got my free masks from crane (SHOUTOUT CRANE I LOVE YOU CRANE) they also sent a thing abt how to reuse them that i will add !! they can be used for like 40 hours if theyre not visibly dirty or the straps dont break or anything

okay i am done infodumping now SORRY THIS IS SO LONG..!!! tldr: local mask bloc if it's an option is definitely the least expensive, project n95 compiled a bunch of links to buy from suppliers, home depot/other hardware stores are worth a shot, and amazon's an option especially if you're like me (poor but have money stuck in amazon gift cards) 🫡

[hinamie]

some notes/hcs from th jjk band!au ! read at your leisure i have written a novel 🫠

tl;dr guitarist brothers suku/ita bassist megu drummer nobara band name BL4CK FL4SH

i imagine them slightly aged up in this au, i'm thinking yuuji n them are around 17 and sukuna is 2 years older ( i would make the age gap wider to account for canon but i feel like any older and sukuna wouldn't be caught dead playing in his little brother's band)

it /is/ technically yuuji's band, he /was/ the one who started it even though sukuna would argue that he's the one funding the whole thing and nobara would argue that she's the one organizing and promoting every one of their gigs and megumi would argue that he constantly loses sleep writing mixing and producing their songs,, they all love yuuji tho so they go along and let him put his name on it

don't think too hard about how sukuna, 19, makes enough to fund a band . wholesome legal stuff, promise

yuuji's current guitar is a hand me down from sukuna after he had saved up enough to splurge on the double necked monstrosity he has currently. because they were strapped for cash growing up, for years yuuji played on a beginner kid's size electric guitar that sukuna (serial music snob) couldn't stand the sound of and may or may not have violently smashed before tsundere-ly shoving his old guitar into yuuji's hands.

that being the case, sukuna thinks what yuuji has done to his old guitar is atrocious bc he's the type to take /meticulous/ care of his instruments. we're talking regular tune ups, wax, mods, the works. man carries spare strings and a microfibre cloth on him at all times just in case and Will Not let yuuji near his gear because yuuji is a hurricane of a boy and has dropped and broken his equipment more times than any of them care to count . they do however make a game out of placing bets as to what he'll knock over during practice

yuuji usually does lead vocals because his energy is quite frankly contagious and he's a natural at working a crowd . Sukuna sings backup vocal but there are a handful of songs where they switch and he sings lead and those songs are . hm . a very different vibe ! and some of their most successful releases much to his brother's chagrin

megumi had always noticed and admired sukuna's voice and thought it would be a waste not to give him a lead vocal part so he was originally the one to offer to collaborate with sukuna to write a few songs more tailored to his style ,, yuuji felt a bit snuffed but couldn't deny that megumi had a point so he agreed to take a back seat

once sukuna had gotten a taste for the spotlight and saw the stream count on the songs he led he and yuuji started bickering a lot more over who gets to take over lead vocals. they've tried duets before and it's simply out of the question so instead they fight over megumi to get him to write for one of them. it still usually ends up being yuuji which irks sukuna but he's placated by how explosive the reaction is when he /does/ get a song to himself

megumi can also sing !!! he's really good !!!!except he's shy and stubborn and won't do it in front of others. he once drunkenly admitted that he has a secret folder on his laptop full of audio files of himself singing unreleased songs and they (mostly nobara) haven't let him forget it and pester him relentlessly to let them listen. he will not because his songs are emo and sappy and pining and definitely not about yuuji

this is MY brainrot so this au is not immune to pining megumi x oblivious yuuji. one time yuuji kept inviting a girl he liked to their rehearsals and megumi's mood would get so sour that most days they had to call practice early and the ensuing show was one of their worst performances ever because their practices had been so unproductive. nobara is 95% sure she knows what was up but in the interest of keeping megumi in the band she kept her mouth shut ((she did admonish yuuji afterwards that no more outside spectators were allowed at practice no matter how hot he thinks they are))

in the days leading up to their first ever show yuuji was an anxious wreck to the point where the rest of them were legitimately concerned for his health but completely at a loss as to what they could do to help. megumi's love language is Not words of affirmation so instead he got yuuji a new set of audio cables accompanied by a note that read "good luck -M" to help ease his nerves. yuuji keeps the note taped to his guitar

megumi and nobara can both play piano and alternate covering the keyboard parts if a song requires it. (((megumi is a lot better at it which annoys nobara but she attributes the skill difference to his "freakishly long fingers and perfect pitch, which is basically cheating anyway")))

nobara gives the boys hell for making her play manager most of the time but she honestly thrives when a gig is coming up and she gets to order them around and use sukuna's credit card to book photoshoots and print promotional materials and buy them new outfits to match the concept

everyone but sukuna dreads the aforementioned shopping days. yuuji is a chronic protag who just wants to sing with his friends and megumi thinks coordinated outfits are frivolous and a waste of time . sukuna however /loves/ the visual aspect of performing because he's a dramatic bitch and wants to make sure they leave an impression. he and nobara are a force to be reckoned with and megumi and yuuji fight for their lives when they bust out the eyeliner

gojo is in this au because i guess he has to be smh i am never free -_- he was megumi's old music teacher and he runs the studio they rent out ("friends and family discount for my favourite student! aren't i kind, megumi-chan?") and they're pretty sure he's famous overseas or a retired star or something because whenever he comes to their shows there's a flood of paparazzi and tabloids that he miraculously manages to avoid??? they have no idea how he does it but they're happy to leech off the publicity

[watercolourcritters]

How have you found so much engagement on social media? I’ve really struggled to get my art out there.

Your art is beautiful, but I’ve also seen other accounts with beautiful art with much more or less followers and engagement. I don’t really understand it and I was wondering if you had any insights. Thank you

Hi there!

So - very long reply incoming - I have a couple of thoughts on what has worked for me, but I also wanted to break down what engagement actually looks like and means, because I think it is very easy to look at a post with a couple hundred notes and think "wow, they must have a huge following."

I think it is also very easy to look at someone's art and go, "well, it's good, but why is it getting engagement when mine isn't." Which - well, more below - but isn't really how online engagement works.

1) What does well on tumblr? I think it's helpful to recognize what kind of my art, specifically, gets a lot of engagement. My art that gets Tumblr engagement - reblogs and likes - is almost exclusively my encouragement style art (simple art with an animal and some text), which hits 3 boxes: cute, animals, and text that is either funny or meaningful.

However - my more traditional art styles? Canvas art and watercolour? Rarely hits above 30-50 notes on Tumblr. The same goes for my fanart. It's just straight up not as popular.

And it varies between platforms. On Instagram, all of my art is typically between 25-50 notes. On twitter, it's only fanart that gets notes. It varies, and it depends on the community you've embedded yourself in.

Above all though - what gets notes on Tumblr is a bit of a crapshoot, and reflects little on the quality of the art. It depends on who reblogs it, how big their following is, etc. Sure, art quality sometimes helps - but I see fucking amazing art every day that has very minimal engagement. There is no sure-fire way to get engagement, and the shit that does the BEST for me in regards to sales has almost no notes here.

2) Engage in the community

I think something that I'm still learning is that for the most part, no matter the platform, people will encourage and engage with your art more if you're a part of the community. And that requires you to engage, too.

I am not always good at this one, because this is not my main blog - but I get a lot more followers and engagement when I also reblog other art & posts, because most Tumblr folks want to follow blogs that make their dashes richer on the regular in a variety of ways, rather than every so often with just art.

Reblog things. Like and comment on other people's posts. Make friends. Be a part of Tumblr's community, rather than expecting community to grow around you.

(Note: This is not me saying you don't engage, I don't know anything about your activity on tumblr. Just, y'know, engaging helps get engagement.)

3) Having a brand??

Honestly, I kind of hate this one, because I'm an artist who likes trying lots of new styles and fucking around with different things. BUT, in regards to social media, having a recognizable brand/style makes people more likely to follow you.

For example - my encouragement style art, with plain white background, an animal, and encouragement text, is my most recognizable style on IG, Tumblr, and in my local art community. Probably 95% of my followers on Tumblr are for/from that style of art. It is what it is.

My caveat to this is - while having a brand helps, don't let it limit what you do! Try new things, experiment, etc.

3) Recognize what "lots of engagement" does and does not do

So - it probably looks like I have a lot of engagement on Tumblr, because I have many posts with 500+ notes. But, honestly? I am pretty small fries as an artist. I really, really struggle to get engagement beyond this platform, and even what I get here is pretty minimal in comparison.

I don't have a ton of followers - I've had this blog for 2.5 years, and am currently sitting at around 525 followers. My encouragement art on Tumblr regularly gets hundreds of notes. The exact same art on IG, where I have a similar following, gets typically between 25-50 notes.

However - Tumblr, where I get a lot more "engagement," does not translate to art sales or commissions. Or at least, it very rarely does. On the other hand, Instagram, where I have much less engagement, gets me both more direct sales and commissions, because more people on there know me personally.

TBH, doing local craft style markets has been the most helpful thing in regards to actually making any money off my art. Engaging in my local community has also been the best for connecting with other artists, getting encouragement for my art, and validation.

4) Recognize that engagement means very little about the quality of your art

Y'know, I've gotten inbox mail before that is essentially "your art is shit how come it's getting notes." People see my art (especially my more minimal stuff), think about their own art, and get frustrated that they aren't getting notes.

And I mean, I get it! I think we've all had similar thoughts at certain points. Kind of the "my art is at least that good, how come they have such a big following and I don't"?

But it is really, really helpful to disengage the connection between "good" and "engagement" in your head. Because engagement means very little about the quality of something, and is more tied into "right time, right place, right audience" type of shit.

It's also really helpful to do as an artist, because otherwise it becomes really, really easy to do one of two things:

a) "well, I'm not getting any notes, therefore I'm a bad artist/I make bad art."

Or

b) "Other people getting notes is unfair to me, because my art is good, and I deserve more notes."

I've done it. You've probably done it. We've all had those thoughts/feelings. But they are unhelpful thoughts/feelings, and doing whatever you can to nix both thought patterns is helpful as fuck.

Because a) engagement means nothing about the quality of your art and b) other people getting engagement means nothing about the quality of your art.

Engagement is great! It's nice! I want every artist to have tons and tons of engagement! But an artist getting notes reflects nothing on your art.

And - it's really important to find ways to feel good about your own art that have nothing to do with engagement. If it's the external validation you seek, try and find one or two friends to send your art to who will tell you how much they love it. Start a spreadsheet of the tags/notes that people leave on your art. I dunno, get creative.

But find ways to validate your art that have nothing to do with other people, too. Create something that you don't share with anyone. Spend time making art that's just for you and your own enjoyement. Make something that makes you laugh or smile. Above all, set aside time to fall in love with your own art.

This got really long, but:

TLDR: Fuck, buddy, I don't know lol. What does well on tumblr varies, but people like silly, encouraging, cute shit. Build a consistent style. Engage in community. Know that engagement doesn't necessarily mean much, both in regards to art sales and in regards to the worth and value of your art.

Good luck out there!

[munchboxart]

Fountain pen ink update, I've collected quite a collection of inks! Unfortunately, I underestimated how many blues I decided to get LOL I still have more on the way as well.

I just bought Machu Picchu by Diamine, Milky Way by Troublemaker, and a sample of Quantum Teal by Birmingham Pens that I'm really excited to try.

I just realised I didn't swatch another purple I had that's also called Milky Way (but it's by Pentonote). I also swatched Classic Green by Diamine but just didn't show it off because I... only have 1 green, but I'll be happy to share if anyones interested.

By the way, all of these swatches (except for the Classic Green) is done by a glass dip pen.

Some notes for similar inks: Boilers Steam by Birmingham Pens and Dragon by Octopus Fluids are pretty much identical, the main difference is that Dragon is a lot more sheenier. Maskara and Simulan by Vinta Inks are also extremely similar, the main difference is that Maskara is a little more warmer, while Simulan is cooler. Bog Sage and Snowfield by Dominant Industry look similar on camera, but Bog Sage shades a lot more, while Snowfield is just lighter (and has glitter).

As for favorite inks, my opinion heavily depends on how it looks when writing with a fountain pen, but I will say I really like Dugong Bughaw by Vinta Inks (my mega sheener ink) and Dragon by Octopus Fluids. I'm really looking forward to using Blueze Hadancourt by Dominant Industry on my pen because It looks really pretty (Yuletide by Diamine as well). Oh! Classic Green too, but I just put that in yesterday so I'll have to do more writing, but I like how it looks (but maybe it's just because it's a change from blue-purples). LASTLY, I really love the Cat swatch by Colorverse, I believe it looks best with dip pen.

As for inks I want to get in the future, the only ink I have in mind that I want to get 100% is Gyeyu Jeongnan by Colorverse. I love snow, and it looks like blood on snow which I think looks really cool. And at least one Wearingeul ink. I almost caved and bought The Great Gatsby for myself, but I heard a lot of reviews that it was underwhelming so I held back on it. I bought 1984 for a friend and red glitter on red ink is crazy. Enki, Wendy Darling, White Rabbit, I am a cat, and The Happy Prince seem like inks I'm interested in, though.

As for new pens. From left to right: Lamy Safari (M), Jinhao Acrylic 82 (M), Monteverde Ritma (Omniflex), Jinhao Tiandao 1935, and Pilot Kakuno (M)

I'm pretty sure I showed off my Lamy Safari before but I'll show it again because I like how it looks and reminds me of a Premier Ball (my fav).

I do have more pens but they're unremarkable. What I do want to talk about is my Monteverde Ritma. I've wanted this thing since the beginning of my proper Fountain Pen journey. I believe it's the most expensive pen I have so far. The capping and posting is magnetic which I absolutely love. The unfortunate part is the Omniflex nib. I never heard of it before and wanted to try it, good fucking god do not ever get this nib, it will not work 95% of the time. You need to be gentle with it otherwise you will permanently spread the tines so far apart that ink wont flow anymore. Just get a medium nib, my Monteverde has been rendered useless for now before I get a JoWo #6 replacement. It's unfortunate because the nib is gorgeous too! It just fucking sucks nut

The other pen I wanted to talk about is the Jinhao Tiandao 1935 (2 pictured under the pen pic). This is my absolute favorite pen. I wasn't sure I was gonna like it because it's the fattest pen I have but I love writing with this thing! Unfortunately, it does leak a lot more by the slit/breather hole of the nib compared to my other pens, but it's cool. I did also get this pen for the design at first. I think my friend finds the guitar clip corny but I like it a lot!!! It's funny as fuck. I might get a red version of this pen just because of how much I love it.

I'll be laying off of the pen collecting after that, I did get a Moonman M2 (not pictured) as my first eyedropper and it's just fine, I like how the ink looks in the barrel though. The only other pen I have in mind that I still want to get is an Opus 88 Demonstrator. I LOVEEE frosted stuff, I wish more pen companies did that style of design. I'm just... still working my way up on whether I am willing to spend 100+ on a pen.

I'll be slowing down a lot with these since I barely used any of the inks since I don't really write outside of work stuff, but also I've become very picky with what I want now, especially since I've made a conscious effort to go for more warmer or green inks because I have a crazy collection of cool colors right now. I'm also picky with inks in general, I really don't like normal ass inks where there's nothing special about it (no sheening or shimmer), but funny enough, I'm also very picky with the sheen was well (I don't like purple/green sheens). Also, I find that a lot of my inks look a little lighter compared to my glass dip pen samples, but I don't know if it's just that most of my pens run dry or what. If that is the case, then that's a little disappointing.

But that's it so far, I'll be happy to do a writing sample of any of the inks if anyone's interested.

EDIT: I just remembered one other thing.

I've wanted to get an ink muddler for a long time but they just do not fucking sell this one (this is by Dominant Industry) in NA for some reason OR they just sell out fast, which is really sad. I need to get one of these because my glass dip pen fucking sucks at swatching with, and I really do not want to waste Q-tips.

[kradogsrats]

OKAY so if we're going to play that Kpp'Ar actually was High Mage before Viren, then here is what I think is going on in terms of that role and dynamics:

I've theorized before that Viren's role as "High Mage" is actually not even slightly representative of what a High Mage usually does. I doubt a normal High Mage is as politically involved as Viren is, and it's usually a role that's very specific to magic-related issues—basically a subject matter expert, an on-call consultant for when the government is handling issues pertaining to magic or mages. Not a constant advisor, cabinet member, or even a lobbyist. Definitely not whatever Viren is doing with shit like casually hanging out during critical diplomatic meetings between royalty, and then having the kingdom's agriculture production numbers for the year memorized, for some reason. Basically Viren and Harrow have a level of codependency that is really... unusual.

In alignment with that, it really seems like Kpp'Ar almost definitely does not live in the castle (as Viren does). He has a whole other house? Which also is implied to be his primary work space? So the whole secret magic dungeon down under the castle is a Viren thing, exactly as it says in the Book 2 novelization. It's possible Kpp'Ar has an office in the castle but idek I would guess if he doesn't exactly hang out there much if he does.

Furthermore, like... the way King Atticus talks about him? They're not friends. There isn't a huge amount of animosity there, either—at least on Atticus's part—but he seems to know literally as much about Kpp'Ar as I know about any of my coworkers. It's literally like, "Oh, Kpp'Ar, sure... decent guy, likes, uh, gears? Mazes? Whatever, just generally a nerd, you know the type. I think he's been working on... stuff?" Again, Viren and Harrow are an extreme outlier of how this relationship is supposed to work on a professional level.

Finally, between "I knew you'd go far, but I didn't know how far you'd go to get there"/"You made the choice you've always made, the one that brings you power" and the kind of weird way they talked about the... idk, regime change in the interview I'm like 95% certain Kpp'Ar's disappearance is what gives Viren the opening to become High Mage so. Y'know. Several birds with one coin stone there, likely.

[onebedtorulethemall]

Hi! I love your fics, TWR is one of my favorite coworker AUs to this day and BO deserves all the flowers it gets. I find it hard to leave comments sometimes as I’m reading since I usually need to chew on what I’ve read for a while to really decide what I want to say (and I never want to sound pushy for updates or whatever!), but I went back to leave a comment on one of your oneshots and found it deleted so that’s why I’m here. It was called A Life We Never Lived or something along those lines? The conversation you wrote between D/Hr involving the ring theory for grief literally lives in my brain. When Draco says something like “only you could create a system for grief and mismanage it”, maybe it was just a passing joke/throwaway line, but it felt so genuinely in character for both of them and really got to the core of why I love the Dramione dynamic in fics so much. Specifically post war/post canon with Hermione tackling her emotions with pure logic and not putting herself first, and Draco being kind of an ass but offering his own brand of support by recognizing shes struggling too and their sort of awkward kinship/healing together. It also just made me laugh out loud, your humor always comes through so well and that’s such a hard skill to develop! I know it wasn’t going to be overall lighthearted/HEA, but I loved what you had posted so far and just wanted to make sure you knew. Was there a reason you decided not to finish it/to delete it?

Ahaha! I really thought I'd gotten away with hiding that unfinished one-shot. It had all of 230 hits. Never in my wildest dreams did I think anyone would notice, let alone quote a line to me. Thank you, I'm incredibly flattered!

That poor fic was doomed from the start by an uncommitted author. The concept was to write a snapshot of their meeting on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts every year for a decade, with letters exchanged between meetings, a secret relationship, heartache, and an eventual painful breakup. Sort of a "right person, wrong time" quiet tragedy. I posted the first 3k and struggled through another unposted 5k before I called it quits.

Actually, I did a little mental postmortem on it when I took it down, because it confirmed some things about myself as a writer that I thought were good lessons. So, here you go:

1. I need a plot before I start. I mean, I knew this, but now I *extra* know it. I had only a rough idea of where I was going, and that is not enough for me. A pantser I am not.

2. I have to finish a fic before I post it. My fics are usually 95-100% complete before I post, and this was the exception that proves the rule. I'm not sure why the post-as-you-go method doesn't work for me, but writing became instantly 100x harder once I'd posted part of it (which I only did because of the fest deadline).

3. I'm not really in control of the plot. To me, creating an outline is the process of discovering the story, as though I'm documenting something that has already happened. I always feel as though there's really only one way a story can go, once I know the characters. Well, I figured out pretty quickly once I belatedly started plotting that this one does NOT have an unhappy ending, but rather an angsty yet ultimately happy one. And this was for the UHEA fest, so...

4. Just because I want to read it doesn't mean I want to write it. I could have finished it with a HEA and removed it from the fest, but once I realized it was a quiet story about the slow unfolding of a relationship over the course of a decade, I'm afraid that was the end of it. I think it would have been an understated, bittersweet, character-centric little relationship study, but none of those things light up my genre fiction-loving brain. Love to read it, but I just can't find the spark to write it. And thus died my dreams of ever writing literary fiction (kidding, I never had those).

So that's the story! I dug up the part you mentioned and had a fun time rereading. I liked it way more than I remembered, and I'm sorry it won't come to fruition. If I knew how to get myself to write something I wasn't wholly invested in, I would absolutely finish it for you.

From "Scenes From a Life We Never Lived":

Thank you so much for this ask. Sometimes if I'm having a bad writing day or if the imposter syndrome is hitting, I like to pretend someone out there is laughing at some stupid joke I wrote (or, since finishing my gothic, is having a pleasant nightmare). Usually my brain tries to convince me this is impossible. I stockpile your kind words as evidence.

[moefling]

Thoughts after reading Carry On. I will be rereading Wayward Son next (and AWTWB after). I'm making this list after finishing the book so some of these thoughts were in my head the entire reread and some are from annotations on my Kindle was I went. (Also this is my second read the first time I read it on audiobook)

I forgot that Simon was defiantly a troublemaker and pretty ruff and tumble even before he found out about The World of Mages

F*CK THE MAGE, but also he does have a good point about allowing other creatures and low power mages into Watford

Miss Possibelf is "not exactly human" (page 95)

Lucy was defiantly in an abusive relationship and she was still defending Davy after death. i also don't really think Davy loved her :/ at least not like she wanted

i don't think that Simon every really thought he had a future. like he kinda figured between the Humdrum and the old families we wouldn't live to have a future and before the World of Mages he was a kid in care who was always getting into trouble

its pretty sad that the Kids where very aware they were gonna have to fight to the death and they really didn't want it and none of the Adults were willing to comment on it (i think Matali makes a quick comment later in ATWB)

Simons wand didn't not work because it wasn't blood related to him

Fiona had a normal job lined up before Natasha died (pg 173)

i have a half baked idea that the reason Simon can share his magic with Baz is because he is a Vampire, like the Humdrum can "give" magic to creatures so Simon can too

i was figuring out the age gap between the two adult groups (Lucy vs Ebb) and had it narrowed down to basically the same age when Martin straight up said he was a few years older than them...

Lucy was in the cottage with Davy for around 2 years ish before she got pregnant

"It was just flirting, it's not like I tried to feed her to a chimera." (page 277)

Baz sucks his fangs when he's thinking (page 330)

"I can't believe you're asking me this, Snow. You, who can't walk away from half a sandwich." (page 429)

"I can't believe there's a part of your body that grows when you need it." (page 391) i'm pretty sure this was supposed to sound spicy but i laughed either way

when Baz tells Simon to run after the Humdrum comes to the Pitch estate i think i cried, reading it the second time i know Baz isn't really blaming Simon but i remember the first time i read it i though Baz really though Simon did it

"Maybe it's not a spell, Maybe he transformed" (pg 426) i think that this is saying more than we give it credit for - another half baked idea that Simon is like half imp/ demon/ elemental (i think we all like the dragon idea but i'm realizing CO really wonders about the tail and how it isn't a dragon tail)

when Simon kills the mage previously i though it was because the mage couldn't stop physically hurting Simon but i think it probably had more to do with the emotional damage (i'm sure some of it was physical but...)

when reading fanfic i also realized that CO doesn't actually say Lucy's brothers name (Jamie) or most of Baz's siblings names

[deepdeanvsweston]

Do you have any thoughts on the Martita/Theresa/Frances found family dynamic?

I used the word 'also' and 'which' way too much in this answer please excuse that

Reread that scene where Theresa becomes ill and Bridget takes her home as it's really prominent on my mind regarding this ask! (Page 92-95 in DITS if anyone is curious!)

My first thought is that I'm a fool who can't pick up on cues and did not realise they were lesbians upon my first read 😭 (listen I was like. 12 and knew lesbians existed but existing in fiction was apparently a reach to me).

My second thought is that I'm really curious as to their actual dynamic - does Martita see them as mother figures? Do they see themselves as mother figures? Martita says "Frances has been better to me than my own mother" so of course she's going to look towards anyone who could be a mother figure but it does beg the question how good was Martita's mother? What's the standard here? If better than her own mother simply means food on the table and a roof over her head, then of course Frances seems better! I believe Frances takes advantage of Martita:

There's this one bit about Miss Crompton saying to Martita "(...) because noone wants to see an actress called plain old Marta Pao. That's show business (...)" and it sounds to me that Frances views Martita as more as a project than anything, and as something good for the theatre. This really comes through in her resentment at Rose for the special treatment she's receiving, and also emphasises that Frances views Martita as a project as she seems more than happy to move onto the next one (Rose) and then back again.

Although on the other hand, Martita's resentment of Rose could be because she's scared of being replaced (on top of the jealousy) because Frances and Theresa have been so good to her and taken her in like family. This is a very small line in the book and possibly a stretch, but Hazel mentions that Martita's room at the flat is very untidy, which could be a sign that Martita feels comfortable around Theresa and Frances.

I don't know how much I see them as found family, especially as on page 90, Martita says "Even the families you make yourself - they betray you. Sometimes you have to protect yourself." Martita did obviously trust them at some point, and truly like them, though I'm unsure if she's formed a close attachment to them simply because Theresa and Frances took her in as Frances saw her as a project and wanted to 'work' on her, and Martita saw this as a form of love rather than a beneficiary move for the theatre. I think it's interesting to note that Martita says "families you make yourself" - in her mind, she views this dynamic as something she has created, where in actual fact I think it was a purely selfish move on 2 theatre workers parts. Additionally, Frances seems perfectly happy to let Rose insult Martita and someone Martita was very close to, Simon - Frances seems to truly not care about Martita, or Simon's, feelings and only focuses on her darling star of the show. That of course does not reflect well on Miss Crompton and no wonder Martita wanted to gtfo of there?

Also interesting to consider how Rose would have reacted if she knew that Theresa and Frances were together? I'd take a bet that she'd be at the absolute best, uncomfortable and the worst, disgusted (which I suppose is a reflection on Rose and how fickle she can be). Martita must have known about them, and been loyal, but Rose would NOT have been. Surely Frances and Theresa would have known this, but continued to revere Rose instead of Martita, proving their loyalties lie in the theatre and not with Martita.

Theresa is also guilty in all of this as she is a Bystander, and in fact sometimes seems to let Frances take charge and blindside Rose.

TLDR: I don't think they're found family and Martita is viewed as a project they took on for the theatre's benefit, rather than the goodness of their hearts.

Thankyou for the ask!!!

[llynwen]

Oh don't worry about the ask getting eaten, tumblr has killed 2 of my blogs in the last damn month this website is held together through sheer collective willpower. Soooooo about hoodie-stealing gf Rust: something about his clothes seemed weird to me when they went to Carcosa, and during a rewatch I realized that crisp white shirt is rather too big for him. He threw out all his 'professional' attire years ago when he quit being a cop but something about this work--not the job of police officer, I mean the work of seeking justice for the innocent--demands a certain ceremonial importance in what he wears. And rather than go buy a shirt he seems to have raided Marty's closet like he did in 95. Thoughts???

Hi! First of all I am so so very sorry for how long it’s taken me to answer this and also for the. Let's call them technical difficulties. I actually have soooo many thoughts about the costumes on this show. 

Let's start with the shirts. Every time we see rusty wear a dress shirt in 2012 it is slightly too big. Now, I totally agree with your take about him having thrown away all of his work clothes before the move. I don’t think he cares about appearances all that much anymore (I mean. As much as I adore the hair, it is not very professional). I like to think he only dresses up when they go to question people to fit into the part of a PI, to be more believable. 

As far as I know he wears two different shirts in episode 7

and one in 8

In both of these they are kinda loose on him, the waist is tucked in but it’s all bunched up in the back, even the collars seem a bit too wide. 

I also love this fit

At first glance I was convinced these were the same suits, but they are not, though they are eerily similar. The jacket looks too big for rusty, too, and maybe a bit tight on marty. I really want to believe that rust is wearing marty’s hand me downs the entire time.

All this thinking about the clothes had me looking at other outfits we see throughout the show, and what I noticed were the flannels. Prior to 2012, we almost exclusively see rust in formal wear. He wears work clothes seemingly 24/7. He will occasionally take his shirt off and run around in the famous wifebeater, but even that is just a stripped down version of his work clothes. He mows the lawn dressed like that. Even during The Event with maggie he is still in his work clothes, even though he just got suspended and has been drinking for hours.

There are very few exceptions of him wearing something different. If we ignore crash, prior to 2012 we see him out of his work clothes exactly twice.

First time is when he talks to maggie at the diner. He’s wearing a blue flannel in this scene, and I was like, this shirt looks familiar. Then I had me a closer looksie, and lo and behold, i found this.

Again, for a second I was sure it was the same damn shirt. It isn't, but it's close. Both of them wear a blue flannel when they go to talk to maggie, which is very interesting to me. Additionally, since we've established that rusty doesn't own any casual clothes, I think it is fair to assume the flannel he is wearing at the diner is actually marty’s. This isn't so far fetched, since at the time marty is staying at rust’s house, so they probably have a shared laundry pile.

The other time we see rust wear a flannel is during the parking lot fight. I don't think marty wears anything similar at any point (but if I'm wrong please come let me know), but it is definitely something he would wear.

The parking lot fight takes place the morning after The Event, we know that rust is not in the best of mindsets. 

(I actually think he came over to the station that day precisely because of what happened the night before. I don't think he came to pick up his things, since we know he had all the files at his apartment, and I don't believe him to be the kind of man that keeps personal belongings at his desk. No, I think he went there to punish himself. He knew that marty would react badly, and he knew he would probably attempt to beat him up. This could be why rust doesn't really fight back, and lets marty tackle him and land a few good punches.) 

The shirt he wears could be something that marty left behind. I think he might have worn it as a kind of armor, something with positive emotions attached to it. He knows that marty and him are done, no going back, so he wraps himself in the comfort of their friendship. 

If you have any other observations, please let me know! I’ll have another look at the clothes during my next rewatch, but I’m sure I'll miss something anyways, this show is so jam packed with detail. Thank you again for sending me this ask!

Let me leave you with this, though.

Why is rusty’s ass wet in carcosa? If he was just sweaty, wouldn't his shirt be wet too? Did he piss himself? What is going on. 

Love you bestie xx

[primamchorus]

a cross-post update from my dad following one of his hospital visits

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Hello, all! Quick update. The Nephrologist told me that he's about 85% certain that he can do a partial Nephrectomy on my right kidney successfully. I asked him about whether or not the 'growth' or tumor was cancerous and he made this sort of guarded face and said, "Well, it looks a lot like it. About 95% of the time, in my experience, these tumors are cancerous." He then explained to me that doing a biopsy on these particular tumors on kidneys is quite risky in that, if they ARE cancerous, there's a large risk that a biopsy will cause a bit of that tumor to break off and spread to other parts of my body. We definitely don't want THAT. I was fairly confident in this doctor's assessment on the whole. Now, however, I have to also go see a Cardiologist as this doctor wishes to be sure my heart is strong enough to deal with such a long surgery (he said it will last 3 to 4 hours JUST for the actual surgery, meaning I will be pretty much involved with this for most of a working day including pre-op and post-op ministrations). Now that means I have a bit more legwork and driving around before I can even schedule the surgery, which the doctor says I should have sooner rather than later. Funny thing about all this: If I hadn't had the seizures from my ketoacidotic diabetic spiral that landed me in the hospital, I wouldn't have known about all this. I would have gone blithely unaware that I was in such 'bad' shape until something worse happened, I suppose. I really have appreciated the help and support I have received so far, however it's not over yet by a fair amount. Again, this is the part I dislike due to my general nature -- asking for help to get through this financially. I've had a pretty hard life in many ways. I even was homeless for a short while back in my early days and I've always managed to 'boot strap' my self up and out of bad situations -- of which I have had way more than I care to discuss. I was taught self-reliance and to be proud of it. Well, I am proud of the ways I've managed to improve my situations over the years. That said, I realized a few years ago that getting help is NOT a bad thing and I had to learn to deal with being overly proud to be able to accept that others were out there, willing to help -- if I let them. I'm in allowance of receiving help from wherever it comes. Last thing: The scan showed my tumor and it sort of looks like a flower in shape. It's 5cm wide (2 inches) and has these 'petals' spreading out from the center. The doctor said it was very different from what he's used to seeing. Well, that's me for you -- different. In homage to the shape of my tumor (which I can't show you that image), I thought I'd share with you another image from my gallery of wildflower photos. Thank you, all, for helping me and, if you can, please share this to give it more exposure (little photography reference) for me. Thanks and God Bless! (and I hope you enjoy the photos(s))

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link to gofundme || link to commissions

[gunsatthaphan]

do you think gmmtv part 2 gonna happen early or late april??? idk why but my mind has been set on april 9th, which is probably not going to happen 😓

speaking of part 2, i would cry if they gave ciize a gl. i also wouldn’t mind if janhae got a gl 🧐. tho ciize is definitely on top of my list

furthermore, i need joongdunk to get an amazing script that’s gonna challenge them, because joong’s little mv has touched me more than 95% of the hidden agenda scenes 🤧. i know the jokoxjs show seems pretty locked in already, but i wouldn’t mind seeing joongdunk work with jojo

Honestly except FirstKhao, I have no interest in any other GMMTV pair🙅‍♀️, so only looking forward to GMMTV part2 for them.

As for KS, I was a fan of them one time...but now...not sure

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no idea when the event will happen lol but since all previous events were on a tuesday I'm guessing this won't be different. April 9th would be fine, the earlier the better lol.

I'm with you on the Ciize GL agenda lol she's already in 2 but that's not nearly enough as far as I'm concerned dkjhgd, I also agree about Jan though. idk. the possibilities are endless. *coughjanciizecough*

me being one of the few JoongDunk fans out here have to say yes they deserve something good lol I believe in them. And if Jojo really has 2 shows coming out then JojoxJS and JojoxJD would be something I would be into for sure. That being said @ anon 2 there are a bunch more couples I wanna see besides fk and I'm ready for whatever they're gonna throw at us lol✌🏻

xxx